#which was likely at least in wraith world more because they were running out of time to show

[queen-haq]

Fic: Grudgingly Yours, Part 12

Grudgingly Yours, Part 12

Summary: You are a general surgeon, working in a hospital that’s slowly sucking the life out of you when one day you’re given the offer of a lifetime.

A.K.A  - An arranged marriage fic :)

Pairing: Billy Russo x You

Rating: R

Masterlist (contains links to my other stories and this one)

Chapter 12

You were seething with anger. So frustrated, you wanted to scream with rage. How dare Billy do this? How dare he fucking threaten you? And on top of that, he hurt Calvin – did he really think that would score him points? Was he really that stupid?

“Stop dragging your feet.”  Billy ordered from the other side of the room, packing your clothes into your suitcase. The entitlement in his voice was so infuriating, you picked up the closest pillow to you and threw it at him. As soon as it struck his back, he turned around. For a second he simply stared at you, and fear trickled down your spine. This was a man who kidnapped your friend and tortured him. He had you cuffed and bound a few minutes earlier. As much as you prided yourself in being strong and resourceful, he was an actual soldier, a psychopath and rich. He could kill you in a fit of rage and suffer no consequences.  

Then he smirked, his handsome face breaking into a magnetic smile while he retrieved the pillow from the ground. “If it’s a fight you’re looking for, I’ll give you one when we get home.”

His friendly demeanor did nothing to alleviate your anxiety.

Throwing the pillow back onto the bed, he turned around and continued to pack your things.

Half an hour later all of your stuff was packed into a suitcase which Billy was carrying to the elevator. “Rest of your things?” he prodded.

“Storage.”

“We can get it tomorrow.”

You didn’t respond.

The elevator ride felt distinctly uncomfortable, with Billy’s eyes on you the entire time. His gaze felt intrusive, like he was trying to crack through your brain and see every running thought inside your head. You tried ignoring him but it seemed to make no difference.

When you both reached the underground parking lot, you headed towards your car. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Nice try.” He gripped your elbow, maneuvering your body towards the guest parking spots. Once he reached the Wraith, he opened the trunk and stuffed your things inside before pulling open the passenger side door open. “Get in.”

You eyed him suspiciously. “I need my car.”

“We can pick it up tomorrow.”

The bastard had an answer for everything. Fuck him. Angrily you slid inside, wishing you could at least have the satisfaction of slamming his door shut. He closed the door and circled the car to get in. Defiantly you opened the door on your side and slammed it hard.

“Feel better?” he asked, sliding in next to you.

“Fuck off.”

There was his smirk again, goading you, but you chose to ignore it.

This was the first time you were in his car, sitting beside him while he drove. He was a smooth driver, expertly gliding his way through traffic like he did everything else. Prick.

“Where’s Calvin?” you asked.

“He’s fine.”

“You need to let him go.”

“I will,” he replied, nonchalant. “As soon as you keep your end of the deal.”

“I’m already moving back in. What else do you want?”

“A guarantee that you won’t bolt.”

“You’re the one who runs, not me,” you retaliated.

“I’m here now.”

You scoffed, shaking your head at his audacity.

 “So are you gonna co-operate?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“There’s always a choice. You’re smart enough to make the right one.”

“I wish I killed you before.” You expected him to snark back or maybe ignore your hostile words. Instead he smiled, a tender, affectionate smile that made your heart skip a beat because it caught you completely unaware.

“You’ll get lots more chances now. Promise.”

Your eyes locked with his, and for a second the world stopped. You forgot how exhilarating his attention could be, making you feel like you were the only person in the world who mattered to him. You were special, you were important, and just as quickly, he would turn on you and throw you aside. Irritated with yourself, you glanced out the window.

Minutes passed before he spoke again. “He’s a decent scammer. Not great, but good enough to fool a lot of people.”

You scowled. “What are you talking about?”

“Your buddy, Calvin. He’s ripped off a lot of people with some kind of Ponzi scheme.”

You recalled the portfolio Calvin shared with you, how the returns on investments seemed too good to be true. Fuck. Even though there was nothing to arouse your suspicions at the time, a part of you had known something was wrong. But there was no way you were going to admit that to Billy. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

“I had someone look into him.”

“And I’m supposed to believe you?”

“Want to see what the investigator dug up?”

“Not interested.”

He cocked his eyebrow at you. “Scared to find out the truth about fuckboy?”

“Don’t act like you were punishing him for being a swindler.”

The car came to a stop at a red light, he turned towards you. “I don’t give a fuck about that. He is where he is because he touched you. He. Touched. You. After I warned him not to. And he will pay for that. How much depends on you.”

“Don’t you dare! I’m not responsible for this, you are! You’re the fucking psychopath. You don’t get to put this on me.”

Swallowing the angry lump in your throat, you stared straight ahead. But he didn’t. You felt his eyes digging into you until a car honked from behind. That seemed to snap Billy out of his daze and he started driving again.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence, with you contemplating Billy’s murder.

***

It was strange to be back in the penthouse that had been your home for a short time. Everything looked the same yet it all felt different. Tainted. You knew you’d have to return eventually because Alistair was an asshole and would make you, but you purposely avoided thinking about living with Billy again. A part of you had hoped he’d avoid you after humiliating the way he had, but you should’ve known that wouldn’t be his way. He liked playing with your emotions, softening you up before going in for the kill, and tonight was the beginning of the same cycle. All the bullshit he spewed was intended to make you feel something for him again but he’d made a big mistake in underestimating you. Because you felt nothing for him anymore. Nothing. And that wasn’t going to change, no matter how much he tried to manipulate you or threaten you with Calvin.

The lights turned on automatically as you entered your bedroom. Anita must have cleaned it after you left, because it was perfectly pristine. As Billy brushed past you carrying your luggage, your body stiffened. Everything about him felt obtrusive and too close. He was back in your life, in your head, in your room, and now in your things as he started to unpack your luggage.

“Stop touching my stuff,” you snapped, grabbing the skirts he was holding in his hand.

“I’m trying to help.”

“I don’t need your fucking help.” You stormed over to the walk-in closet and started hanging the clothes up.

“Fine. Then I’ll go make dinner.”

“Hope you choke on it and die.”

That elicited a full-fledged chuckle from him, which agitated you more. At least you’d get some satisfaction from pissing him off but he seemed determined not to be provoked. Jackass. Over the next hour while you put away your things, your brain spun with anxiety. You didn’t do well with uncertainty. You were a problem solver and that’s how you got through life. Anticipate. Plan. Execute. Except there was no way for you to anticipate the curveball Billy threw at you. You were prepared for Alistair, but not Billy. And now you had to find a way out of this situation. Not to mention rescue Calvin too. Fuck. You needed to know details, exactly what Billy had planned and then find a way to get through it.

“Dinner’s ready.”

Hearing his voice calling from the kitchen, you made your way to the ensuite bathroom. You took your time in freshening up, washing all the make-up from your face. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, once again pondering Billy’s sick mind. Did he really expect you to play along? Was he so used to women being doormats that he honestly thought you would just roll over and give into him? It was obvious he had no idea who you were. And all signs pointed to him being exactly like his grandfather, a rich, entitled bigot who got off on controlling you. Well, fuck that.

After changing into an extra baggy lounge set that did a remarkable job of making you look dowdy, you sauntered over to the kitchen. What you found there was a complete surprise. The small table was adorned with fresh flowers, your favourite bottle of wine, and candle lights. He had also plated the pasta, which looked unbelievably good, and was already seated and waiting for you. What the fuck? Did he think the two of you were going to have a romantic meal together?

“Seriously?” Your eyes narrowed onto him, shaking your head. “This isn’t a fucking date.”

He looked unmoved by your lack of enthusiasm. “Doesn’t mean we can’t eat.” He stood up to pull your chair back. “Sit.”

“Are you asking me or ordering me?”

He cocked his eyebrow. “Does it matter?”

“You’re unfucking believable.” Refusing to give into him, you walked to the table but ignored the seat he held out for you. Instead, you took another empty seat.

He smiled, and started pouring you a glass of wine. When he tried to hand it to you, you stared back at him defiantly. “Not in the mood.”

“It’s your favourite.”

“Not anymore. You’ve ruined it.”

He smirked. “Fine. More for me then.” Deliberately making a show of enjoying the wine, he held your gaze.

“Tell me what I have to do to get Calvin away from you.”

There was that dark glint in his eyes again, the one reminding you of who Billy truly was. “Let’s have dinner first.”

“I’m not eating with you.”

“If you want to save Calvin, you will.”

You shook your head. “That’s how it’s gonna be from now on, isn’t it? You think this is how you’ll control me. You’re exactly like Alistair.”

“I’m nothing like him.” Jaw clenched, eyes darkened with anger, he moved towards you. A part of you was glad for striking him where it hurt but you didn’t like the closing distance between you two. Especially when he sat next to you.

You didn’t like his proximity, the way his body was turned to you. You were the sole focus of his attention and it made you uncomfortable, reminding you of how easily he played you in the past.

“I don’t want to control you.”

The softness in his voice was a ruse, you reminded yourself.

“That’s not what this is about,” Billy continued.

“What is it gonna take for you to let him go?”

He paused a few seconds before answering. “This. I want this. Dinner. The two of us. Every night.”

“Why? What are you hoping to get out of it?”

“I just want to have dinner with you. That’s all.”

“But it won’t stop at dinner, will it?” You sent him a bitter smile. “How long before I have to fuck you?”

“You’re the one who keeps bringing up sex.” He smirked. “Do you want to fuck me?”

“Go to hell!” His eyes wandered over your face, like he was memorizing every inch of you – and it made your heart beat faster. Immediately you chastised yourself. “How long do I have to suffer these dinners with you?”

“Three months.”

You scoffed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

He shrugged his shoulders. Throwing one arm around the back of your chair, he leaned in. “This is what I want. Three months. After that, I’ll let him go.”

“You’re gonna hold him hostage until then?”

“Don’t worry about him. He’s being looked after.”

“I’m supposed to take your word for that? How do I know you haven’t killed him already?”

“I haven’t. But if you want proof, I can show you.”

Your face twisted with disgust. “You’re getting off on this, aren’t you?”

He didn’t respond, still peering at you closely. When his fingers slowly smoothed over the loose strand of your hair, you steeled yourself to his touch. “That’s not why I’m doing this.” There was longing in his gaze, his voice hoarse with emotion.

It was incredible how convincing he could be but you saw him for what he was – a manipulator.

You touched his hand to brush him away but the instant you made physical contact; sparks flowed through your veins. You withdrew immediately. “Then tell me why.”

A heavy sigh escaped him, he finally leaned back against his chair and you breathed a sigh of relief. “I love you. And I want you to love me back.”

The sheer audacity of his response, how he casually stated his intention – it was so flabbergasting that you couldn’t help but laugh. You laughed and laughed, while he simply studied you with a serious expression on his face. And when you struggled to catch your breath from laughing so hard, he handed you the glass of wine from earlier. This time you took it, your throat parched, and swallowed most of it in a big gulp.

“Easy there.”

You put down the glass. “You’re unbelievable.”

“You wanted the truth.”

“Oh, I know.” You gave him a condescending smile. “So I fall in love with you in this pipe dream of yours, and then what? You dump me? Humiliate me again? This time in front of dear old Gramps and the whole family?” Your smile stiffened. “Is that the plan, Billy?”

His voice was sincere, regret looming over his face. “I’m sorry about what I said to you at the wedding.”

“Nothing you said or did was a surprise. It’s what I expected from you.” It wasn’t true, he shattered you that night and made you doubt yourself – but you would never admit that to him. You stood up, casting him a snide glance. “You want me to be your puppet? Fine. I will. Because you’re holding someone I care about hostage. But don’t think for a second I’ll buy your bullshit act. I know you. I see you.” You bent forward so that you were at his height, staring into his eyes directly. “And I’ll never love you.”

Grabbing the bottle of wine, you turned your back on him and sashayed back to your room.

A/N - Sorry about the long wait, lovely readers. With the holidays and me getting into another fandom, I was a little negligent towards GY. But I'm back now :) Hope you enjoyed the chapter. And, as always, comments are loved and cherished :)

#billy russo x reader #billy russo #ben barnes #the punisher #grudgingly yours

[meissashush]

For Ro: 👻😭🥞🌱🔪🔫💘

👻 GHOST - do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences", if any?

Rosea has a complicated stance on ghosts. On one hand, the concept of them are flat-out stupid. She knows there are daemons that have wraith-like qualities, but actual humans haunting other humans just seems like a waste of effort. Though, she could totally see some people being petty enough to do it.

That said, as someone who grew up running around some of the less traveled halls of the Citadel, that shit is definitely haunted.

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

Rosea does not cry easy. With a father as stoic as Cor, a lot of emotions end up smothered whether he meant her to learn that or not. That said, Ro does cry. Usually, she'll hide away so no one sees her. She's more likely to cry over emotional distress than physical, though if you want to get technical, she cries the most when she's over-tired.

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

In an opinion declared blasphemous by Gladio, Rosea doesn't really like breakfast. She'll avoid it if she can, though not many people will let her get away with it. Her favorite breakfast is breakfast for dinner, in which case pancakes so covered in sugar and fruit that Ignis would declare them a dessert are the only things that will do.

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

Oh, that's a hard one. I'm going to draw the line of 'childhood' at the age nine and under, because the preteens are a time for her. There are still a lot to chose from, but leaning on it being the most vivid, I would say it was when she was about four.

She was sitting on the floor in Cor's office, feeling a bit feverish and woozy. Her dad was typing away at something, the sound of his fingers hitting the keys a sort of drone that filled the whole room. The office door was shut and she was half on the carpet, half on the marble tile, feeling equally over heated and cold. She didn't want to bother her dad. The world was looking way too bright, all the colors hyper contrasted and her mind making up a weird story she can only half-remember involving super heroes being chased by a villain who looked like Gladio's dad's least favorite secretary. The one that glared at Ro if she made too much noise while waiting in the reception for a meeting to get out.

The heroes were plunging down a particularly kaleidoscopic tunnel, the colors pulsating and swirling all around, when she finally threw up into the small metal garbage can beside Cor's desk.

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

Given the jobs of the people she is closest too, from her own father to the men she winds up dating, she can't let herself get too upset when they get hurt. Not that she is uncaring, but her being visibly upset about them being harmed would only lead to them hiding things from her to spare her feelings, so she's learned to approach these situations with feigned nonchalance. That said, if she was in any way related to the event that led to the injury (and sometimes even if she wasn't) she will worry about it somehow being her fault.

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

Rosea is naturally distrustful of others. This is forged both by her personality, and also by the training she received as a child as a means to help her protect herself from people who would use her to harm the Crown. That said, she's inevitably been backstabbed and will be again. Each time is a lesson learned and a new brick in the wall she builds between herself and others.

As far as ultimatums goes, the answer is fairly simple. There is a short list of people she will never compromise, and an even shorter list of things. Even if it's her own life, she won't bend. And if you give her a choice between saving one loved one or another? Well, she'd be lying if she didn't have a ranking system.

That said, if given a choice between protecting the Crown and protecting her father... well, Cor wouldn't approve, but she'd rather have him be angry with her than sacrifice him for anything.

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

Companionship. Rosea does not believe in love at first sight. She does not even believe in true love. Prior to her dad dating Nyx long enough for her to stop being a brat about it, she did not even think romantic love was a real thing. She thought relationships were strategic, and to be fair, the only relationships she saw growing up were born of political necessity. She doesn't really know how to go about defining a relationship, let alone know what she would be looking for in one, so it's a good thing the she likes proactive people, or she would have never dated at all.

#ask game fill #rosea leonis #ffxv #my stuff #garbria #shh no lets ignore that this took a week for me to do

[parkersbliss]

Fourteen | K. Brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x female reader

warnings: blood, death, angst, torture(?), crooked kingdom spoilers

wc; 2.5K

synopsis: some things are better left unsaid. you learned that the hard way.

prompts: 003: I’ll never love you 010: I just want the pain to stop 017: “Just tell me that you love me! Please…”

a/n: I uh… sorry in advance? I just read a heartbreaking story before this so now there’s this

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

—

Decisions, decisions.

They weren’t easy to make, but they had to be.

It was one or nothing.

Make a choice, or you get neither.

Perhaps, not making a choice is better in this case, but you already know what the decision is.

It’s clear in your mind, and though you don’t want it to be, you’re not naive.

The world was cruel. It didn’t care for mercy.

Mercy was a luxury in Ketterdam. It was a luxury no one could afford.

Most things were unaffordable in Ketterdam, but you stayed anyway. You could leave, could’ve. Past tense. It was too late now.

And yet, you didn’t.

You stayed for the boy in the coat with a troubled past. You stayed for the hope.

Of course, you paid the price now. Mercy was expensive enough, but hope… hope simply didn’t exist. Surviving Ketterdam was a matter of kill or be killed, which is not an exaggeration. Knives are at your throat every day, and if you don’t make the choice to grab them and put them in the enemy's eyes, then you don’t survive to see the next blood bath.

For some people, that might be a relief, but others had unfinished business. The people in Ketterdam were driven by two things: money and revenge.

Both sweet and hard to retrieve, but to some, it was worth it. Every casualty was worth it if it meant getting what they wanted.

“Be ruthless, and don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do.”

Even now, you could still hear his voice in your head. At the time, it was good advice. You hadn’t expected it to be used against you.

“You should have no attachment to anything, and especially anyone. You have to be willing to let them go.”

That should’ve been the first sign. You had regarded his words with a grain of salt. You didn’t realize the meaning behind them because you thought he could learn to grow out of it. He didn’t really mean that.

Everyone says things they don’t mean in an attempt to seem stronger.

Everyone was lying.

Lies, lies, lies.

Oh, how everyone lied.

Just like how Kaz lied. He did that a lot, but never in a way that would hurt any of his crows. At least, you had thought.

“It’s a simple plan,” Kaz said, laying out the blueprints on the table. “Jesper, you will come in from this entrance, Inej and (Y/N), the roof, and I will come through the back.”

It was just the three of you.

Matthias… you didn’t speak of him. It was too sensitive of a topic. Well, it had been for Nina, at least, but then she left to return home to Ravka.

And there wasn’t a need to not speak of it, but you had all gotten used to it. Some things were better left unsaid.

Wylan was out on business, though he didn’t speak of what. Inej was often gone to traversing the seas. When she returned home, Kaz always planned the biggest heists. She was the best one here.

Jesper was still Jesper, young as ever, but that’s the plus of being Grisha. Most days, he was with Wylan, salvaging what time they had left.

Though it was plenty.

Which left you with Kaz a lot of the time. It wasn’t a bad thing, but spending too much time with someone is dangerous.

But you were drawn to him like that of a moth to the flame. Maybe it was an effort to try and fix his broken parts because you couldn’t fix your own.

You would learn soon enough Kaz didn’t want to be fixed. There was only one person that could do that.

It wasn’t you.

It never would be.

“What about the guards?” Jesper inquired, leaning against the polished wood.

“Two shots is all you’ll need. He doesn’t keep it heavily guarded,” Kaz replied.

“What if there are more?” You asked. “I doubt Black doesn’t have a few personal.”

Kaz glances at you, raising an eyebrow. “There won’t be more,” he spat. “Don’t question me.”

You wince at his tone, mumbling a sorry under your breath and letting your gaze slide to your boots.

“Jesper takes out the guards, I’ll take out any extra, and Inej and (Y/N) will head straight for the safe room. Then, Jesper will stand guard while I keep Black at bay with a deal he can’t refuse. Inej will pull the fire alarm, and then we run.”

“Will we have enough time between here and the exit?” Inej asked, using her finger to trace the space between the safe room and the central doorway. “I don’t think it’ll work, Kaz. You won’t have enough time.”

Kaz doesn’t lash out at her. His eyes linger on her face, drawing all the features he already knows in his mind. He’d memorized them before she left so that he could see her in his dreams. He did not want to forget her.

“You’re right,” He said softly, like a hushed whisper between them. An intimate moment that you shouldn’t be a witness to. “Is there a window nearby?”

“There’s one here.”

“Can you get out that way?”

You don’t bother to call him out when he only asks Inej when it’s the two of you that need to escape.

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll count in my head. You have exactly 130 seconds to get in and out.”

“Understood.”

Kaz nods, satisfied, and rolls up the blueprints and tucks them under his arm. “Be here at midnight, sharp. I’m looking at you, Jesper.��

The said boy winks, “Wouldn’t miss it, boss.”

“You would,” Inej quipped.

“Well, guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Jesper.”

“Fine. Midnight sharp.”

Kaz exits the room after that, Inej trailing after him and Jesper swings his revolvers around, instantly drawn to a gambling crowd.

That would occupy him until midnight.

You stand at the empty table, feeling just that. It was lonely.

What used to be six felt more like three, someday two. If you were lucky, four.

“Kaz,” You muttered. “When was the last time you slept?”

He shrugs. “Am I supposed to keep track?”

“Yes.”

He exhales, gripping his desk before meeting your eyes. His face softens. “I don’t know.”

“Kaz-”

He holds a hand up. “I know, I know. Coffee isn’t sufficient enough to keep me awake.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “If you know, why do you still do it?”

“It’s addictive,” he hums.

“Addiction is bad.”

“Is it?” Kaz inquired, grabbing a stack of Kruge off his desk and flipping through it. “Addiction drives us all. It’s the root of every being.”

“So what?” You snorted. “Your addiction is coffee?”

Kaz falls back into his leather seat. “Greed is my addiction. I supposed coffee as well. What’s yours?”

“You,” You breathe out. The answer had slipped from your lips with such ease. You didn't even notice.

Kaz freezes, his pen staggers in the middle of a signature.

“To be like you,” You add for good measure.

“That’s impossible.”

“So is living off coffee.”

“Then it seems we are both at an impasse.”

“It would seem so.”

Kaz’s gaze lingers on you, making your heart pound madly in your chest. “Then let’s come to an agreement.”

“What do you propose?”

“I will attempt to get a good night’s sleep if you try to be yourself.” He sticks his hand out for you to shake. You grab it, making sure it’s quick, but when you try to pull back, Kaz grips it and pulls you towards him.

“And for the record, you are my addiction as well.”

“Me?”

“To be more like you.”

He lets go after that, and you’re unsure if he’s mocking you or if he’s serious.

“Have a goodnight, (Y/N).”

“You too, Kaz.”

Jesper isn’t late. He makes it on time. Courtesy of Kaz grabbing the collar of his shirt and dragging him away from the gambler’s table.

“Do we need to review?” Kaz asked.

You all shake your heads.

“Good because I wasn’t going to.”

Kaz turns sharply on his heels and walks into the Ketterdam night. It’s no different from the day, in fact, the night is more lively. It was better for thieves and mischief. The shadows were in their favor here. The people part for the basted of the barrel; it’s common knowledge to them. They don’t think twice about it; they just move.

It makes for a quick walk to the Mercher’s house.

Jesper takes the front, Kaz the back, and Inej throws you a rope to get onto the roof. Her footsteps are silent as she looks for a way in. She finds a latch on one of the windows and calls you over.

You were always better at picking locks than her. She was better on her feet, and though Kaz tried to teach her, he had gotten fair luckier with you.

In a few clicks, the latch pops open and Inej dives in. You wait for her to clear it before dropping in. You’re not as stealthy as the wraith.

Inej was one of a kind.

You land with a soft thump, both of you waiting five seconds before making any kind of movement. Inej cracks open the door, a stream of light filling the room.

It’s empty. There's nothing except cold, bare walls and a plush rug in the center.

It doesn’t appear to be in use.

Oddly enough, it looks like it’s waiting for someone or something.

Inej taps your shoulder, using your head to gesture to the hallway. You follow after her, staying pressed up against the walls just in case.

But there’s no one; the house is eerily quiet. There are no servants, no guards, and no wife or children. You didn’t know much about Black, other than the fact that he was a wealthy merchant. He mostly kept to himself. Sometimes you’d see him at The Crow Club. He was a cold and calculated man, every move he made was planned out ten in advance.

You could tell by the way he played his cards.

“It should be right about here,” Inej said, opening the door.

At the same thing you can hear Kaz’s voice, slight panic evident. “What did you-,”

As you open the door, your legs are being kicked in, and you drop to the floor next to Inej. Two guards from behind you are quick to bound your hands together as you both push against them.

Black tuts, laughing at the fear on Kaz’s face.

Poor Jesper was knocked out on the floor at his feet.

“Did you really think you could outsmart me?” Black asked, “The power is getting to your head.”

Kaz doesn’t say anything, but his nostrils flare in anger.

“Take them,” Black dismissed, clearly speaking to the guards. “Put… Brekker in a room with the girl, not the Suli one. And put the Zemeni boy and her together.”

The guards nod, roughly seizing you all. Inej shouts in protest, trying to hit them, but she’s unsuccessful.

Kaz grunts when they lay his hands on him, but he obeys because he knows it’ll be worse if he doesn’t. They throw you and Kaz into the room you dropped into earlier. They put you back to back, and you know it’s for Kaz because he hisses every time your hand's brush.

You try not to move as much as possible because it pains you each time you hear it.

Black strolls in a moment later, leaning against the door. He wears a satisfied smirk when you and Kaz glare at him.

“Confess.”

“What?” Kaz said with a snarl.

Black holds a knife between two fingers, spinning it. “Confess something. Your deepest, darkest secret, and maybe you’ll make it out with all your limbs. The Suli girl was quick to do so, and naturally, I’m curious what you two have to offer.”

“What did she say?” Kaz asked.

“Well, maybe if yours is just as good, I’ll tell you.”

“What if it’s not interesting?”

Black pretends to think about it for a moment before throwing the knife at you. You scream when it lands itself in your leg.

Kaz flinches, hard, screwing his eyes shut.

“That,” Black taunts. “So, confession time.”

When neither of you says anything, he grabs another knife. It’s only then that you notice their Inej’s. He had at least twelve more.

“I-,” Kaz starts, but he chokes on his words. They never make it out of his mouth and Black raises his dagger.

“I’m in love with Kaz,” You blurt.

The said boy stiffens against you.

Black lowers his dagger. “Now that is juicy.”

“I’ve been in love with him since we were fourteen," You whisper, letting your head fall. It was good to get it off your chest, but you'd prefer to not have a knife sticking out of you when doing so.

“Brekker?” Black inquired. “Reply?”

Kaz doesn’t say anything.

Black rolls his eyes, tossing another knife at you, and a muffled sob leaves your lips.

“I’ll keep going.”

“Kaz, say something, pl-”

Another one, this time your stomach. You cry out, thankful that at least they’re keeping the blood from rushing out.

“These things are so fun,” Black said. “Where ever did she get them?”

More knives are thrown your way each minute Kaz doesn’t say anything. You feel like a pin doll, except alive and with knives sticking out of you.

Many knives because Kaz couldn’t open his damn mouth.

“I just want the pain to stop,” You sob, unknowingly letting your head fall on his shoulder. You’re exhausted, your body is exhausted as it fights the intrusion. It’s a losing battle. “Kaz, please.”

“I can’t.”

“Just tell me that you love me, please!” You’re begging at this point. You just want to hear those words, even when you know they aren’t true. You knew they weren’t true the moment the third knife landed itself.

“Give the girl what she wants, Brekker. Or the other one gets it.”

“I’ll never love you,” Kaz said, milliseconds after Black had threatened Inej. Somehow, that hurts more than the fourteen knives sticking out of you.

“Don’t touch her,” Kaz shouts when Black backs out of the room.

“You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes!”

Black smiles. “Well, today is your lucky day. That was her confession as well. Since you two are so cute together, I’ll let you leave. All limbs intact.”

“What?” Kaz asked.

Black walks over to you, grabbing the knife from your stomach and pulling it out roughly as you cry.

“Oh yes,” He said, “You two - three - I forgot about the Zemeni boy,” He cuts Kaz’s ties. He’s quick to be on his feet and away from the contact.

“You can leave, you can live out the rest of your lives happily.”

“Three?”

Blood rushes from your open wound. He had nicked an artery when drawing it out. You were somehow thankful for that because at least death came quicker.

It came in fourteen agonizing seconds.

It came knowing that Kaz never loved you. He never cared. And he would sacrifice anything and anyone for Inej.

You were just the first.

Addiction will kill you. You just proved it right.

“My bad,” Black apologizes. “You and the Suli girl can love each other for as long as the saints may deem, but just know, you made that choice.”

“I didn’t choose anything.”

“You did, Brekker. I’ll leave the guilty conscience to you, Dirtyhands.”

The name stings Kaz more than it usually did.

“You chose Inej,” Black said simply. “And you’ll pay the price. And do send me an invite to the wedding.”

Black is gone before Kaz can do anything, and when he looks to you.

You’re already dead.

And he wonders what the lasts words you heard were.

If it was up to him, he would’ve said: I love you too.

— END —

🏷 Kaz taglist: @kaqua

want to be added? click here!

#side note!! #kaz is NOT in love with you #he just wanted to say that to make reader happy #:((( #f in chat lads #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #soc kaz #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker one shot #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fic #soc #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone #sab

[mrsbrekkers]

How bout a kaz brekker x blind!reader? 💓

okay so i have never written blind!reader before but but but BUTTT a good idea came to me involving reader being a grisha ( healer ) who had the gift to see someone and what they truly look like if they are physically allowed to be let in? it’s hard to explain, but y a

in this, reader and kaz have known one another for a good three in a half years, they work on heists together, and reader is usually partnered with kaz, as he wants to keep her safe. i S U C K at summaries. also, i was hella distracted while writing this, but it came out somewhat okay? f u c k.

pairings! kax x blind!reader

reader in this is female, but i will adjust accordingly if you’d like me too! just let me know! :)

warnings! really distracted writing, jordie, ptsd, blood, the typical soc stuff, kaz almost having a panic attack, but also him realizing he’s safe there with reader ye. 

i could so make this a series? like going through all the times blind!reader has made kaz come to trust her more and more. haha ha unless...

word count! 2847

ONE SHOT UNDER CUT

GLOVED INTERACTIONS

There were many descriptions given to Y/N about what Kaz Brekker looked like. What color his eyes were. What color his hair was. What his build was like. She could give you an accurate description of Jesper, Inej, Nina, Matthias, even Wylan was easy. But when it came to someone she couldn’t physically map out? She became a bit lost.

Being born without her sight, Y/N had to learn other ways to understand the world. Especially in a place like Ketterdam. Maybe that was why Kaz was quick to take Y/N under his wing. To keep her safe, just as he had with Wylan. But, Y/N wasn’t useless. Being a Healer, she was valuable to the Dregs. Nina was a powerful heartrender, but could only do so much when someone was inevitably hurt during jobs. That’s where Y/N was useful.

In a sense she had her sight, but it relied on physically being able to touch someone. A side-effect of being a Grisha, with abilities that no one has seen before. Her sight may have been gone, but being able to see one in her mind, whether it be blurry or clear, gave her an idea on what one looked like.

That meant Kaz was the most mysterious person to Y/N.

Y/N could describe most of the crows relatively well. Jesper had been the first to let Y/N use her ‘gift’ as Nina called it, with him. Her hands rested on his arms, slowly moving up to his shoulders, the other crows sitting around them to watch.

“You’re Zemeni, but I knew that already. Inej described you as long limbed, she wasn’t wrong.” Inej laughed a bit, shaking her head. “Lean, no surprise, I could make that out. Your eyes are a dark grey, but beautiful. I must say Jesper, you’re rather handsome. Being a handsome decoy seems like it should be a Jesper talent.”

Jesper smiled, looking down at Y/N. “Right on, almost to the dot,” he said, giving his best friend a chuckle.

“Your smile lights up a room. But I also knew that already,” Y/N added, tilting her head as she let her hands drop from Jesper’s shoulders. The crows around them were in awe, and then Nina was moving Jesper out of the way.

“Move handsome decoy, my turn,” She said, humming a bit as she sat in front of Y/N, making the Healer laugh. As she had with Jesper, Y/N ran her hands up Nina’s arms, stopping at her shoulders.

“Hmm, long curly brown hair, your heart beats a bit differently than the rest of our friends. Courtesy of being Grisha, and a Heartrender. You’re also a bit curvier than our friends, but as am I.” Nina smiled, glancing at their friends, who all seemed confused on how Y/N managed to do this.

“Green eyes, piercing almost. As always, like the rest of our friends, your smile lights up the room. But instead of Jesper’s toothy smile, you’re a closed mouth smiler, unless talking to Matthias of course,” Y/N smirked a bit, feeling Nina’s body heat up told her that the Heartrender was indeed, blushing.

Then slowly, all of the crows sat in front of Y/N. Except for Kaz, which Y/N understood. She didn’t pry, but she did begin to wonder what he truly looked like. There were so many conflicting descriptions. Obviously the ones given from people who didn’t like him weren’t taken into account, because most of them consisted of calling Kaz ‘The Grinch’. And while this was probably a good term for his lovely personality, it didn’t seem like it’d match his looks. Kaz wasn’t green after all.

But after a particularly rough job, one that ended with almost everyone scuffed up in some way, shape, or form, Y/N was working herself to the bone. Inej had the worst of it, so Y/N worked on her first at the Slat, and upon finishing, she had Nina sit next to the sleeping Wraith. She stood, huffing as she climbed the stairs to Kaz’s room. He was always the least willing to be healed. He always claimed he was the least beat up, or he could handle it himself.

This time, Y/N knew he wasn’t the least beat up. She’d heard about the gash running up his arm, and the scratches lining his face, which were less than pretty. Entering the room, she crossed her arms.

“I’m fine,” Kaz spoke first, earning a scoff from Y/N.

“I’ve heard plenty from Jesper about how nasty the gash on your arm is, and how your leg has been worse than usual. I can’t heal a bone that’s healed incorrectly, but I can ease the pain,” Y/N stated, moving to stand in front of the desk. Why was Kaz so damned stubborn about things like this? It concerned the Healer. Did he find himself so unlovable that he believed he deserved the pain when he was hurt?

“How are you going to count your Kruge if your arm is cut wide open?” Y/N asked, tilting her head. That made Kaz sigh. She wasn’t wrong about that. It also meant problems during other aspects of his job.

“Fine,” Kaz said reluctantly. He watched Y/N round the table, his eyes mainly on her fingers that softly glided the desk, letting her know when to turn. He’d always found it fascinating how she managed so much without her sight. Mainly how she found her ways around. The way her fingers would move so smoothly across surfaces. Or how graceful she seemed. It was hard to fascinate Kaz Brekker, but she did it effortlessly.

“I won’t touch you, but I’m going to need to be guided to where the gash is,” Y/N spoke, now standing in front of Kaz, who gulped with a shaky nod. He trusted her. He trusted all of his Crows, but her the most. She’d been there when the Crows were down bad. She brought smiles to the team without fail. Kaz could remember the first time they’d met, when his fascianation had started.

The night had been cold, dark. As Ketterdam usually was. After a few months of Kaz having Inej watch over the Healer that lived near the university district, Inej had come to Kaz with news that the Healer, Y/N, had noticed her. It had rendered the Bastard of the Barrel speechless. Someone had noticed Inej Ghafa?

“How did she notice you? Nobody notices you. Even I didn't for the first time, and I notice everyone,” Kaz stated, his tone confused.

“I believe our Healer is blind. It would make sense then, all of her other senses would be on high alert, especially her hearing. Even the most silent aren’t silent to the blind. They notice everything, Kaz. I’m surprised she didn’t notice me earlier,” Inej said, her arms crossed as she leaned in the doorway between the bedroom and the small office.

Kaz stalled for a moment, humming in consideration. It would explain how Inej had been found out. What that didn’t answer was whether Y/N knew who they were. He doubted it, but you could never be sure in Ketterdam.

“Did she know who you were?”

“I’m not sure, I left before things escalated. She said she knew I was there and to reveal who I was and who I worked for. So she knows I’m not some random in Ketterdam. I’m sure she could figure out enough if I’d appeared before her,” Inej said before looking back at the window. She knew she wasn’t followed, she always checked for such. But with the revelation that someone, for once, had noticed her, it wasn’t unlikely that maybe she’d been followed.

Kaz huffed, realizing he’d have to now go and explain to this Healer about how he’d been watching over her for the past few months. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been doing so. Well, he did, she’d be a good asset to have later if he ever decided to actually let it be known that he’d been keeping her safe. It was time that’d present a new reason.

Arriving at the small apartment that the Healer lived in, Kaz knocked Inej behind him, and when the door opened, his dark eyes landed on Y/N.

“I was waiting for you guys to show up,” Y/N said, turning and allowing the two inside.

“You knew we’d come?” Inej asked, entering the small apartment and sitting where Y/N offered, taking the small cup of tea she was handed. For being stalked for the past few months, the Healer was being rather kind.

“I suspected it was The Wraith watching over me for some time. I have learned to feel different presence’ around me. Yours, while I didn’t notice it at first, I began to when one of my papers went missing and was replaced with a forged one,” Y/N said, sitting next to Inej.

“How did you know it was forged?” Kaz asked, raising an eyebrow. Not that Y/N could see that, but his tone, his voice did the accenting for him.

“Kaz Brekker I presume. The handwriting wasn’t my own. I don’t have terrible handwriting, I’ve practiced for years after all, but my handwriting is not that nice. And the paper wasn’t the kind of paper I used. It was a close second, yes, but the letters weren’t able to be felt. That’s when I realized it was forged. It was a good forgery, but I’ve lived in Ketterdam long enough.” That’s when Kaz’s fascination started.

Or maybe it was when Inej had announced someone had noticed her. Nonetheless, that was the day he decided to recruit Y/N officially. It wasn’t hard either, considering she was rather willing too as long as she wasn’t indentured to the Dregs.

“I won’t go with if I’m going to be paying you back for the rest of my life,” Y/N stated, sipping her tea. Oh, and she had to bring her cat. Jesper now called the cat the Crows mascot. Which, the other’s had found weird. It was a cat, not a Crow, but they had changed the name of the cat to Crow. Which made the rest of the gang agree on it. Even Kaz found the cat enjoyable.

That was three years ago.

Since then, Y/N hadn’t let Kaz down once. He’d grown to trust her as he did Inej, even more so as she became his shadow. The person in his corner, his partner. He trusted his shadow.

Sighing, Kaz shook his head, looking over at Y/N and glancing down to her hands. “Left arm, right above my elbow,” he said, watching her fingers flex before moving to hover over the gash that covered a good part of Kaz’s upper arm.

“You know, I still don’t know what you look like,” Y/N said as she healed to gash slowly, making sure the work was intricate and done correctly.

“Brooding, dark, nothing else really to me,” Kaz said, but Y/N shook her head, finishing the gash and humming a bit. She moved her hand slowly up to Kaz’s face, doing a quick brush over to heal the small gashes there. Kaz felt them heal, his labored breath steadying as she moved her hand away from his face.

“I don’t believe that. If there was nothing more to you, I wouldn’t be staying around, Kaz,” Y/N said, bending down, but she felt a gloved hand grip her wrist, surprising her and causing her to jump a bit.

“I can handle that pain, I have for years,” Kaz stated, watching Y/N nod, and while she couldn’t see his hand, her eyes were still on the wrist that was enclosed by Kaz’s gloved hand.

“I may have an idea. A way for me to know what you truly look like,” Y/N said, a smile rising to her lips.

Kaz was almost frightened to ask. No, he was frightened. He knew what that would entail. But he knew what she looked like and she had so many conflicting ideas about what he looked like. He also knew that Y/N wouldn’t cross his boundaries unless he gave explicit permission. He could say no to this and she’d agree and leave with a smile, some words of encouragement to sleep and rest, and later have Inej or Jesper bring up food for him. But sucking in a deep breath, he looked up at Y/N, determining that he trusted her enough for this. She’d never hurt you. 

“Okay, tell me the idea,” Kaz said slowly, his words wavering.

“You can back out at any time, Kaz. If you don’t want to do this, you let me know immediately,” Y/N stated, and Kaz let out a small cough. 

He closed his eyes, nodding to himself before giving an audible, “I know.”

“Your gloves, their the barrier that helps ensure you don’t come into contact with skin. What if I wear a pair, they don’t have to be yours, but a pair of gloves and use them to learn what you look like?”

Kaz tilted his head. It wasn’t a terrible idea. It actually made a lot of sense. He used the gloves as a barrier, as Y/N had said. If she did the same, it would be the same as he had just done with her wrist. He wouldn’t feel Jordie. He wouldn’t feel Reaper’s Barge. At least, that’s what he hoped for. But he’d be willing to try for Y/N. He’d try for her.

“We . . . can try that, but use my gloves. I’m used to the feeling of them. I have another pair in the nightstand by my bed,” Kaz said, watching Y/N smile a bit before moving to grab the gloves in the nightstand. He watched her slide them onto her fingers, seeing they were just a bit big on her, he chuckled quietly.

Y/N let her fingers glide against the desk once more, pulling the chair from the other side of the desk right in front of Kaz. She could hear his uneven breathing as she sat too. “You guide me, just like before,” Y/N said, letting Kaz have control of the situation. 

Slowly, Kaz lifted his hand, taking Y/N’s gloved one into his own. Stalling for a moment he shut his eyes tightly, and for a moment the flashes came to him, but he sucked in a deep breath, opening his eyes and seeing Y/N in front of him, alive, breathing.

He lifted her hands to rest on his shoulders, watching her hum as the vision of him began to form within her mind. He watched a smile come to her lips. She would never know how beautiful that smile was. How beautiful it was to him. How he hoped it wasn’t washed away like his was because of the Barrel.

“Hmm, Dark hair, trimmed at the edges. Inej teased you for it one day, I remember that. You have a sharper face than most of our friends, and a lean build, but more muscular than Jesper is.” Y/N tilted her head, the image in her head finally fully forming.

“Dark eyes, like bitter coffee. Two tattoos. I didn’t know that. I must say, but don’t Jesper this, you’re far more handsome than he is. Maybe you should start being the handsome decoy.” Kaz chuckled at that, and for a few moments he wasn’t shaking. He wasn’t fearful. He wasn’t breathing heavily. He was happy, even if just for those few moments. Happy because of her.

Y/N dropped her hands, pulling off the leather gloves and placing them on the desk. “Certainly not the grinch as some put it,” she added, standing.

“Pretty close to that,” Kaz said, watching her stand.

“Maybe personality wise, but certainly not look wise.”

“Who calls me the Grinch?” 

“Jesper,” Y/N laughed. She remembered hearing Jesper reference Kaz as the grinch at one point. It was where the nickname had probably originated from for others to call the Bastard of the Barrel, and slowly it became known. The room became quiet for some time, and Y/N was the first to break it.

“Thank you . . . for letting me do that, I know it wasn’t easy. The tattoos, what are they of?” Y/N asked then, tilting her head. Kaz took a deep breath in, looking over at the window across by his bed. The one he rarely ever used.

“The Dregs Crow, and an R,” he didn’t elaborate, leaving Y/N to know that was as much as he’d say. She knew what the Crow was for, but she had a feeling she shouldn’t ask much more than that.

“Well, do get some rest. I can’t heal sleep exhaustion, sadly,” Y/N said, laughing a bit. She didn’t see it, but a smile spread on Kaz’s lips.

#kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #kaz rietveld #kaz six of crows #kaz x you #kaz brekker x you #inej ghafa #soc jesper #jesper fahey #nina zenik #wylan van eck #wylan van sunshine #matthias helvar #six of crows #crooked kingdom #soc #kaz soc #bittersweet #i really hate work

[stardustprompts]

the burning god -  r.f kuang   sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :   ptsd ,  addiction , death , murder , nsfw  , language 

‘do you think I’d ever let anything happen to you?’

‘you’re terrified. that’s why you’re fidgeting. you’re scared.’

‘soldiers are worth more than civilians, it’s just math.’

‘don’t cut off the head of the snake if you can tame it.’

‘none of this— our villages, our people, our freedom— will survive under their intended world order’

‘i’m the least terrible option you’ve got.’

‘I don’t mean to call you stupid, because I love you, but that plan is so stupid.’

‘i’m not sorry for this. you shouldn’t have gotten in my way.’

‘that wasn’t an insult. just being frank.’

‘they’re bullies. weakness is what they want to see.’

‘bad moral is a big weapon. don’t underestimate it.’

‘i’ve gotten you this far. trust me just a little longer.’

‘i’m not crazy right? this is clearly a trap?’

‘how do you think history will judge me if I throw away it’s fate for one person?’

‘it felt like you’d put the universe back in place. like you were balancing the scales. didn’t it?’

‘you don’t fix hurts by pretending they never happened. you treat them like infected wounds and then, maybe, you have a chance to heal.’

‘it’s not justice, it’s chaos.’

‘this is a revolution. it’s not a fucking tea party.’

‘cut me a fucking break. i’ve been fleeing for my life.’

‘I shouldn’t have counted on his virtue. but he didn’t count on my survival.’

‘they’re never gone. do you understand? they still come for you in your sleep. only this time they’re dream-wraiths, not real, and there’s no escape from them because they’re living in your own mind.’

‘your pain will always be mine.’

‘i’m not living my whole life like a beast on a leash.’

‘I should kill you. why can’t I kill you?’

‘you don’t behave rationally around her, you never do.’

‘’all right’ is not a term anyone would use to describe you.’

‘I used to hate myself for living, too. I didn’t think it was fair that I’d survived. that others had died in my place.’

‘it’s not fair. I should be in the ground with them.’

‘it doesn’t go away. It never will. but when it hurts, lean into it.’

‘this life you’ve chosen, you won’t get many moments like this again. but it’s the nights like this that keep you alive.’

‘give up, darling. trust me, this is easier. this is so much easier.’

‘you know, I think I’ve figured out where you get all that self - righteousness.’

‘their blood is on you. you killed them.’

‘I hate you. I wish we were all dead.’

‘do you think he loved you? do you think he ever loved you?’

‘this story will end. the way it was always meant to.’

‘I just want to sit for a second. in peace. can I do that?’

‘I don’t know, I thought maybe— maybe they’d realize that they need me.’

‘you are so bad at this. it’s cute.’

‘people are attracted to power, darling. they can’t help themselves. power seduces. exert it, make a show of it, and they’ll follow you.’

‘I killed him. and I don’t feel bad about it.’

‘stop pretending to care about ethics, it’s embarrassing.’

‘at some point, you’ll have to convince yourself that you’re above right and wrong. morality doesn’t apply to you.’

‘fear turns into despair, despair to panic, and then panic into utter submission. it’s incredible, the power of psychological warfare.’

‘knowing what I’ve done? yes, it hurts. unlike anything you could ever imagine.’

‘they want to erase us. they want to make us better, to improve us, by turning us into a mirror of themselves.’

‘any culture or state that diverges is necessarily inferior. we are inferior, until we speak, dress, act, and worship just like them.’

‘people pay you less attention when you don’t leave a trail of bodies in your wake.’

‘i’m just telling you what’s right in front of you. you know I’m right.’

‘you seem to have mistaken me for a dullard.’

‘it’s a tragedy we’re on different sides. you know that. we would have been so good united.’

‘he’s tried a million different things to break me. but he should have remembered he never figured out how.’

‘lost my mind for a bit. just starting to get it back now.’

‘you think we should just surrender. that we’d be better off under their rule.’

‘that’s the implication of your logic. and I won’t accept that. I can’t.’

‘i’m sure you said whatever you needed to to get them off your back. I don’t care about that.’

‘everything you do convinces them you should not exist.’

‘I did what I had to do to give him the only chance at peace he’d ever get.’

‘you are the worst thing to happen to this country. these people deserve better than you.’

‘you were only ever fighting to survive. I was fighting to win.’

‘we don’t need peace right now. we need blood.’

‘I don’t know what’s insane anymore. I just hope you know what you’re doing.’

‘there is no turning back. i’ve waited too long for this.’

‘I can’t take that from him. not even if he’s happier like this.’

‘there’s more, there’s something you’re not telling me, I deserve to know.’

‘let go of the man you remember. you’re never going to get him back.’

‘in times like these, you can’t let sleeping threats lie.’

‘if we ever feared him, it was because he was great, and great rulers always inspire fear in the hearts of the weak.’

‘you don’t get to forget. whatever you did, you don’t deserve to forget.’

‘she’s not a person anymore. she’s rage.’

‘it’s not just about the enemy. it’s about what the world looks like after.’

‘you’re trying to protect your people. I understand that. but I’m trying to protect mine.’

‘i’m not crawling into oblivion with a whimper, and you should have known that before you came here.’

‘I don’t care what else happens up there. but you come back to me.’

‘what’s this? finally developing a conscience?’

‘I know what you did. I know everything. and I don’t care. the past doesn’t matter. ____ is in danger now, and I need you.’

‘nature can’t be altered. only held at bay.’

‘don’t take on the burden of an entire nation. it’s too heavy. and you aren’t strong enough.’

‘you should know by now that when you leave your enemies alive, wars don’t end.’

‘she told me I’ll never be afraid again.’

‘that’s power. and you’re not giving that up. I know you. you’re me.’

‘I know how humiliation feels. keep your secrets if you want. but there’s nothing you can say that will make me think any less of you.’

‘i’m not going to survive this war.’

‘do you want me to say I’m sorry?’

‘what did I tell you? you were never meant to serve.’

‘if you try that shit, I will kill you.’

‘good luck. don’t do anything stupid.’

‘keep down. and when you get the chance, run.’

‘you never want to hurt them. but you have to. you have to put them through hell, because that’s the only way anyone else will survive.’

‘I would have spared them if I could have.’

‘I wasn’t a person to you, I was a weapon, and you needed me to work.’

‘it’ll never stop hurting.’

‘you love them like your own family, and a knife twists in your heart every time you watch one of them die.’

‘see this through to the end. that’s the least you own to the dead.’

‘I wish things had been different.’

‘I so hate when you’re right.’

‘you kill me and you accomplish nothing. your world as you know it will end.’

‘i’m not going to kill you. you don’t deserve that.’

‘why does everyone think this war is over. am I the only one with eyes?’

‘it’s hard to prioritize the enemy that you can’t see.’

‘don’t call me crazy.’

‘you are being crazy. you’re acting like a fucking maniac. shut up for a moment and face the fucking facts.’

‘they can’t do this to me. I was supposed to win.’

‘we built an entire nation. we don’t have to let it collapse.’

‘what he wants is what we all want, which is to stop killing our own people.’

‘we’re about to have the world we fought for. can’t you see it? it’s so close, it’s just over the horizon.’

‘you can come back. I’ll bring you back. we’re in this together.’

‘we’re trying to broker a peace here. let’s not start off with death threats, shall we?’

‘i’m just trying to make this less painful for everyone involved.’

‘you can’t do this for me. I won’t let you.’

‘it’s not for you. it’s not a favor. it’s the cruelest thing I could do.’

#the poppy war series prompts #the burning god prompts #the burning god sentence starters #literature prompts #literature sentence starters #rp memes #rp prompts #rp sentence starters #weeeeeee I did it <3

[valdomarx]

time enough for counting (when the dealing's done)

McShep + Vegas fix-it, requested by @beautifulmonster. 2k, rated M.

Bad beat

John had always known it would end like this. 

Well, the space aliens and the shady government organization had been a surprise. But the bleeding out, alone in the desert - yeah, that was always how he was going to go.

There’s a kind of dark satisfaction in seeing the world turn out exactly as shitty and brutal as you knew it would be. Called it.

His moment of sick vindication is interrupted, though, by a figure standing over him and peering down with cursory interest.

Sharp black suit, spotless even in the heat and the muck. Hands in pockets, head quirked in something that might be amusement. “Should have known you’d pull a stunt like this,” it says, and John would smirk at playing to type but the blood loss pulls him under.

Ante up

He wakes to pain. Vicious, lancing pain and the cloying smell of antiseptic and the beeping of monitors. He tries to sit up and his chest screams until he collapses back onto the bed.

Next to him, a slightly rumpled McKay is tapping furiously at a laptop. “Don’t go dying on me now, Sheppard,” he says without looking up. “I’ve got plans for you.”

Buy-in

The next time he wakes, the light has faded. It must be evening. 

The hospital room - his own private room, he realizes - is nice. Far too nice for the local joint. Must be private. Must have cost someone a pretty penny. He would have told whoever it is to save their cash.

“You’re awake. Good.” McKay strides in, less rumpled now. Neat black suit back in perfect order. “I don’t have much time, so listen up.”

He tells John how they destroyed the Wraith target before he could get a message to his buddies in Pegasus. How this universe is safe, but the spacetime rift has sent that information echoing through other universes. How they’re putting together a team to visit these other universes; warn them, offer to help if they can.

How he’ll be leaving in a few hours to head up the program. How he thinks John might be able to help.

John blinks. His eyelids are sticky and his mouth is full of fluff.

“Why the hell would you bring this to me?”

McKay flashes him an enigmatic smile. “You did save the world. Maybe you’re more of a hero than you realize.”

On the flop

He gets unceremoniously booted out of the hospital a few days later, when it becomes obvious that he’s not going to die and whoever was bankrolling his stay isn’t any more.

His car is totaled. The money inside is gone. He’s got the clothes on his back, a mountain of debt, no job, and -

He sticks a hand into the pocket of his jacket. There’s something in there: a neat rectangle of card which reads, Doctor Rodney McKay, PhD PhD. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. There’s no phone number.

He heads for the nearest motel he can find, picks up two bottles of rotgut whiskey, and drinks until he manages to pass out amid the sounds of yelling and the scuttering of cockroaches. 

Into the muck

Whatever the fuck else might be going on in the world, there is always the constant: 52 cards, 4 suits, the flick of the dealer’s wrist as he lays out your fortunes, the wins and the loses and the ones where you came oh so close.

He’s back at Mikey’s within a week, borrowing more to get out ahead of this debt, even though he knows that’s never going to work.

Maybe it’ll be different this time. Maybe he can win what he needs, pay off the people he has to, and use the rest to make a start somewhere other than here. Anywhere other than this desert full of chips and blood and corpses and filth.

It’s going to be a good night, he tells himself as he settles into a squeaky plastic chair at a low-roller table and looks around at his competition. Tourists and chumps, and he can take these guys no problem.

Pot-committed

He’s woken by a shrill ringing. His head feels like he’s stuck it in a cement mixer and his mouth tastes like cheap whiskey and puke. He rolls over, covers his ears with a ratty pillow, and ignores it.

The ringing continues. What the fuck? It’s a phone. It keeps ringing. He doesn’t own a phone.

Whoever the fuck is calling is still going, so with a groan he sits up and, bleary-eyed, looks for the phone. He finds it in his jacket pocket, and he’s almost certain it wasn’t there last night.

“Yeah?” he says as he answers it. “What do you want?”

“Sheppard,” a crisp, familiar voice says. “I’ve got a job for you.”

Sheppard closes his eyes. The last thing he needs right now is a world-ending crisis. “Can’t,” he says shortly. “I’ve got… business to attend to.”

McKay snorts. “Another fortune to lose at the poker table? I’m sure you do.” John can hear judgement radiating down the phone line. Then McKay sighs and softens. “Tell you what, meet me and hear me out, and I’ll see what I can do about clearing that off-the-books debt for you.”

That pings John’s bullshit meter, for sure, because that much money doesn’t get casually tossed around even in defense circles. But McKay gives him the address of a pancake place to meet for breakfast and what the hell, he does like pancakes.

Check in the dark

“We keep running into you,” McKay says, shoveling maple syrup-covered pancakes into his mouth with great enthusiasm. “Or, well, other versions of you. Practically every universe we’ve visited so far, you’re leading the team.”

John raises an eyebrow. Not much surprises him any more, but parallel realities strain even his credulity.

“It would be easier,” McKay continues, “if you were with us. You could help us explain. People trust you.”

John jerks back like McKay has slipped a knife between his ribs. McKay doesn’t seem to notice, or perhaps he does notice and is tactful or manipulative enough not to acknowledge it.

“Come work with me. We’d need to get you some -” he gestures with a fork, “- training, obviously. But you could be useful. You could do some good.”

John shifts in his seat. “I can’t just leave.”

McKay scowls at him. “Right, because you’ve got so many compelling reasons to stay.”

Gutshot

He ends up in some anonymous Air Force bunker in Colorado, of all places, and being around so much military life has his hackles rising. He’s deposited in a blank, windowless room with a desk covered in stacks of carefully redacted mission reports from the Stargate program which he reads voraciously because this is wild, this is unbelievable, but it’s also all true.

McKay finds him a few days later, lounging in the doorway as impeccable as ever. John is suddenly very aware of the fact he’s been sleeping in his clothes.

“Keeping busy?” McKay asks, voice dripping with condescension and something else John doesn’t want to put his finger on.

John nibbles the pen he’s holding as he considers how to answer that, and he notices the way McKay’s eyes flick to his mouth. Ahh. Interesting.

“Staying out of trouble, at least,” he drawls, letting his posture slacken so he’s lounging against the back of the chair and his knees are spread wide. It’s been a while but he knows how to play this game. 

McKay walks around to his side of the desk, each step measured and precise. Not too fast, no sudden movements, a predator lining up for the kill. John tilts his head back and bares his neck, because he knows how to play the role of prey. McKay perches on the edge of the desk between his legs, looks down his nose, and says, “Somehow I doubt that.”

“I can behave.” He looks up from under his lashes. It’s not exactly subtle, but fuck it, they’re way past that by now. “When properly motivated.”

McKay leans in, all sharp smiles and gleaming edges, and John shudders. McKay notices and the sharp edges of his smile glistens. 

“I know you can, Sheppard,” McKay says in a low voice that has the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. “I told you before. I know everything about you.”

Damn the man, John thinks, and then McKay winds his fingers into John's hair and yanks him in for a hot, messy kiss and John stops thinking altogether. 

Afterwards, as he makes vain attempts to pull up his shirt collar to hide the bite marks and to wipe the come stains off the classified military files, John reflects that he may truly be in over his head this time.

Under the gun

A stack of paperwork drops onto his desk with a dull thud. He looks up to find the scowling face of Major Davis.

“Consultant,” Davis says, chilly as ice. “That’s what the Pentagon is willing to offer. You’ll get a salary and accommodation, and in return you’ll help Doctor McKay with his research while he’s on Earth.”

John opens his mouth, though whether it’s to say thank you, to tell Davis to go fuck himself, or to ask for more money, he isn’t sure. Davis holds up a hand to stop him before he can find out.

“I advised against it, given your record. But McKay is a real pain in the ass when he wants to be. So this is what’s on the table. Take it or leave it.”

Tell

McKay’s brow is furrowed and he’s fiddling with some piece of machinery (probably alien, John thinks, and it seems that sort of thing is part of his life now). It blinks to life for a moment before the lights on the top fade away, and McKay swears and bangs it on the table.

“Hey, easy, Chewie,” John chides.

McKay’s eyes narrow. “I thought you said you didn’t like science fiction.”

“Star Wars isn’t science fiction. It’s science fantasy.”

McKay actually smiles at that, something joyous leaping up in the corners of his mouth.

“Knew you were a nerd,” McKay says under his breath, and John punches him playfully in the shoulder. He’s defending his honor, or something.

McKay ducks his head, and a blush creeps up the back of his neck.

Ace high

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” McKay looks even smugger than usual. 

“Yeah?” John slips a leer into the syllable.

But McKay just rolls his eyes. “Not like that. Come on, there’s something I want you to see.”

He leads him down through the base to a lower level, through endless security checks and into a dark hanger. There’s some technology they’ve acquired from an off-world source, he explains, deliberately vague. He’s trying to make some modifications to it, and he thinks John can help with testing.

John has learned to expect the unexpected in this place, but when the lights of the hanger flicker on his breath still catches. It illuminates a ship unlike anything he’s seen before: slick and cylindrical, rear hatch open to show seats and consoles inside.

“It’s fitted with inertial dampers, weapons, a shield,” McKay says breezily. “Oh, and you’ll like this.” He flicks a button on a control and the ship disappears in a haze like hot air. “It’s got a cloak too.”

It’s like something out of a movie, and John is struck speechless. He follows wide-eyed as McKay decloaks the ship to lead them inside and gestures for him to sit.

And woah, the moment he sits the chair glows and a holographic interface springs up in front of him, and he can feel the ship in his mind. He reaches out with a thought and - ping - the display shows a schematic of the hanger.

“Knew you’d be a natural,” McKay says, managing to sound both condescending and delighted. “Want to take her for a spin?”

Yes, everything in him screams, but he thinks about flames and smoke and the shrill, piercing whine of a tail rotor failing, and he grits his teeth against it and says, “I don’t fly any more,” instead.

McKay gives him a long, cool look. 

“We’ll start small,” McKay says, all business, and it’s so easy to relax and follow his lead. “I need you to activate the inertial dampeners while I adjust the shield field strength.”

Okay. Okay. He can do that.

The ship whirs to life.

Short stack

John stares at the blank white walls of his apartment.

It’s better than most places he’s lived in. No roaches, for a start, and it’s clean and has its own kitchen.

But it’s infuriatingly bland, and Colorado is infuriatingly empty, and there’s not so much as a slot machine within an hour’s drive and he is climbing the walls here.

McKay has disappeared on one of those weeks-long missions he can’t or won’t tell John about, and there’s a restless itching under his skin that’s urging him to drink or gamble or fuck or something, and this whole planet seems too small and too constrictive but he doesn’t want to climb under a blanket of booze and drain it all away.

He wants more.

On the river

“Modifications are done,” McKay announces. “Shall we test her out?”

The we makes something squirm in John’s gut but he dismisses it with a lazy, “It’s your alien spaceship.”

McKay looks for a moment like he’s going to say something, but then he pulls out a radio and talks into that instead. “This is Gate Ship One, ready for initial shield test burst.”

“Gate Ship One?” John scoffs. “That’s the best you could come up with?”

“It’s a ship that goes through the gate,” McKay pouts, and damn, that’s kind of cute. “Why, what would your suggestion be?”

John tilts his head. He’s seen footage of the ship traveling through the stargate, leaping through the event horizon and leaving barely a ripple in its wake. “Seems more like a puddle jumper to me.”

“You have the soul of a poet,” McKay says acerbically. 

And damn if that’s not kind of cute too.

Dealer’s choice

“Come with me,” McKay says, and John is ready to say yes before he’s even finished speaking. “To Pegasus. To Atlantis. I need to get back there, and I’m sure we can find a way to make you useful.” A little smirk at the end there.

“I don’t know how the Pentagon is going to feel about that,” John says, deliberately languid to hide the way his heart is pounding in his chest. Escape, adventure, somewhere new, somewhere he could be a new person, and he wants it so much it aches.

“Eh, fuck them. They can’t say no to me.”

“Okay,” he shrugs. “Not like I’ve got anything better to do here.”

McKay gives him a look that shoots straight through his defenses and down to his sticky innards. “Yeah, okay,” he says, and it’s soft in a way that makes the ache in John’s chest twist into a deep burn.

All in

The jumper hovers in the air in front of the stargate. 

“Nervous?” McKay asks, carefully casual, like he doesn’t already know the answer.

John hums. The inside of the jumper feels as much like home as any place he knows. What’s another galaxy to a man with no ties?

“You’re going to love it there,” McKay says with a smile he can’t hide. He dials up the gate and it engages with a tremendous whoosh and a burst of brilliant blue light.

Here goes nothing, he thinks as McKay deploys the drive pods and fires up the engines. One last new start. 

#mcshep #stargate atlantis #my writing #beautifulmonster #love!! this verse!!! #someone give vegas john a warm blanket and some love i beg you

[apexland]

Spared

Bloodhound x Reader 

Warnings! Swearing, Violence

Might be a few errors here and there, still need to go through it properly!

Preparing for the drop every legend had a different pre-game ritual that helped get them in the zone before the beginning of every match, some more questionable than others such as Octane who uses the time for gaming, completely strange but I think it would be more concerning to see him sitting still or the likes of Revenant who always disappears before the drop, Mirage always says he’s away skinning something or doing something murderous. Bloodhound though they have always been a scary legend to come face to face with in battles, before every match they sit sharpening the edge of axe that they always carried along with them. Bloodhound always kept their cards close, never giving much away and I think that was the scariest part, being unpredictable. At least with Dr. Caustic you knew he wanted to watch you die a slow and painful death within his toxic gas. 

My ritual before the drop was listening to music, eyes closed, I found it easier than talking to the people I was about to face off with in the arena - it made it easier to pull the trigger without hesitation. 

As I let out sigh I took out my ear buds, knowing from experience the exact time of the drop, opening my eyes I was met with the blank stare of Bloodhounds mask from across the room the slight red glare that stained the glass looking right back at me. 

I peeled my eyes away once the squads flashed up on the screen. “Race you to the LZ” Octane’s rang out from beside me as we stepped on the platform. I rolled my eyes at him.

“You know we don’t have to race if we are on the same team Silva” He was still jumping on the spot the sound of his legs clanking against the ground. 

“Where’s the fun in that amigo?” 

“Let’s break some circuits” Wattson giggled from the other side of me. “Man, I really need to get a phrase” I said, fixing the strap of my boot, before the floor began to open and we were lowered above the destroyed land of World’s Edge, a chaotic mix of the epicentre that lay thick with snow, the dome that was surrounded by deadly lava - making it all the more scarier to fight near it, one wrong move and you would be cooked.

Octane - the adrenaline junkie that he is decided that fragment west would be the best option. The most popular landing spots amongst old and new legends and the spectators favourite spot to see a quick bloodbath. But, luck was most defiantly not on my side today scouting two floors and still having no weapon was not ideal. 

“I need a weapon” I said over the comms, sighing at all of the ammo that was one the floor but no gun.

“There’s a Mozambique here” Wattson’s voice came back over the comms.

“Hey! Isn’t that Chey’s line” Octane laughed. I picked up a few more syringes and cells before letting out a sigh followed by a quiet ‘dibs’. It was a good gun but nothing compared the dominant R-99 or the Volt, which judging by my luck the enemies would already be kitted with.

We moved to another building but it was long before the sound of footsteps sounded around us. “We’ve got friends here” I said quietly, a glimmer of luck started to appear when I found a hemlock of the lack of heavy ammo was disappointing. 

Wattson had put up her fences, the loud sound of the burning electricity warned the enemies off slightly. I peaked through one of the barred windows, spotting wraith who was focused on another door of our building I took the shot but she was quick to phase away. 

“Careful Horizon’s probably going to throw her ultimate over here” I warned my squad mates but Wattson quickly replied “I’ll take care of that”

“Wattson now!” I shouted as I seen newt being thrown towards us along with the deadly gas of caustic but luckily the pylon zapped them both down.

“Let’s go!” Octane yelled as he jammed the syringe into his leg before speeding off and we quickly followed, “Watch for traps Silva” I said, trying to catch up with him. I spotted Wraith trying to portal them out of the building, taking it back as she got the warning in her head. I quickly placed down on of my spike traps, pressure sensitive that once stepped on will send a deadly spike usually through the leg disabling the legend, which is exactly what it had down to Caustic as he was the next one to appear through the rift. 

Quickly taking him out, not giving him a chance to put down one of his traps as he muttered a ‘damn you’. Focusing back on the other two, Octane was already pushing to the building along with Wattson and taking care of the rest of the squad.

Finally getting better loot, I started feeling more positive about the match until the sound of Bloodhounds scan and us being in range. “Shit” I whispered. “We need to move now!” 

We scrambled back into the building, but Wattson had been took down by a triple take, I looked behind be to see the same stained red glass looking back at me as Bloodhound lifted their head from the scope of the sniper.

Quickly getting to work by putting down traps at the doors, taking a peak out of the barred window I quickly ducked back down as a bullet skimmed past my ear from the same gun that took Wattson out. I felt the blood from where the bullet grazed but my attention was diverted by the door across from me opening and then scream from Loba as the spike was deep in her leg, taking my chance I used the mastiff that I picked up from the other team to quickly end things. 

One down, two to go. 

“Careful Silva, Bloodhound has a triple take” 

Rampart was the next of their squad to reveal herself as I heard the distant sound of a barrier being placed up along with Sheila’s red laser scanning the walls ready to shred someone apart. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me” I groaned, just as another one of Bloodhound’s scan revealed us yet again. 

“Can you distract them Silva?” Pulling out one of my most deadly traps, once it hit the ground it sends out a wave of spikes that usually without fail impales the enemy long enough for them to need to heal and just the perfect amount of time for me to take them amount.

There was silence from Silva before I seen the green flash of him flying across the other building from his jump pad, that must be the distraction. I quickly snuck out of the building as I heard them both firing at the adrenaline junkie, quickly pulling the pin of the trap with my teeth, I tossed it in the middle of the pair. Octane had went down because of being lasered with Sheila. Getting closer I finished off Rampart, but as I was about to search for Bloodhound, they found me. 

The scary roar of his beast of the hunt sounded out.

Shit

Making a run for it, I didn’t get very far before a bullet got me right in the stomach, wheezing out for air at the sudden impact. Pulling myself up, my back leaning against the wall, the hunter came closer just like a predator stalking their prey. 

They bend down in front of me but as I waited for them to put me out of my misery I felt a hand caress my cheek, confusion washed over me. The hand moved to ghost over the tried blood that had trailed down the side of area and followed the trail on to my neck, goose bumps appearing after every touch. “You fought well, felagi fighter” My heart was thumping, they were so close it was almost making me forget that I was basically bleeding out, which I eventually did but the comfort from the hound made it less painful. 

_____________________________

Waking up in the respawn chambers up, I sat up with haste but immediately feeling the pain in my abdomen which made all of the events from the match flood back to me. Did I imagine it? Did it really happen?”

Then it came to me.

Making my way to the control room, where the cameras got all the footage the process of editing and making sure it’s ready to be aired to the spectators. I knocked on the door waiting for a response before the door flew open. 

“Hey Ezekiel, can you get me my body camera footage from the last match” He looked at me with a tilt of his head”

“Sur- is everything ok?” He asked, looking at me with concern. 

“Yeah, I just missed a few shots and want to review the footage in training” He nodded before turning around and handing me a USB.

“Thank you, appreciate it”

Taking the drive and heading to my room before plugging it in and clicking on the file with my name labelled on it. Skipping all of the footage until I got to the last fight. It did happen and I didn’t imagine it, I closed the screen of the laptop before biting my nail trying to think of what I should do.

Was I overthinking everything? But they didn’t kill me. They should have, like they had done to both of squad mates.

“Hey Anita, have you seen Bloodhound?” The solider was sat down with one of the weapon manuals that was lying around the communal area, building on her already extensive knowledge of every weapon to ever be created.

“Last time I seen them was in the training yard” I gave a quick nod. “Thanks, Anita”

“You’re welcome FNG” Pausing as I looked at her. “I’m not the new one anymore, you said you’d stop calling me that” 

She shrugged at me “It took you long enough to figure out what it meant, you think I am just going to let that go”

 I rolled my eyes at her mumbling ‘funny’, followed by a laugh from Anita “You’re right it is” She always loved when people didn’t follow her military talk, it meant she could basically speak in her own language without anyone knowing it was meant to make fun of them. 

Making my way to the training yard I pushed the door open, there was few other legends training but everyone usually kept well spaced apart because nobody wanted to get dropped in the training yard, that would be embarrassing. 

I spotted the tall frame of the hound, they were on one the last rows.  

Stopping behind them as the Raven’s bite axe flew to the target landing right on the dummy’s heart, I swallowed. Quickly putting my fear aside before I looked like an idiot just standing ther-

“How can I assist you?” Their voice rang out. Of course Bloodhound already new I was here, walking to the target they collected their axe finally looking at me as they walked back to their original standing position. 

“Ah- I just wanted to ask you something” I said, trying to look anywhere but at the intense gaze that was starting back at me. They nodded, giving me the go ahead to continue.

“Why didn’t you kill me” I asked 

“Did you want me to kill you?” They asked, sounding almost puzzled. I let out a sigh “No- I don’t mean it like tha-” I stopped myself, feeling like an idiot I should have just left it alone. 

Bloodhound tilted their head “You know, never mind- it doesn’t matter” but as I was about to walk off i felt a hand on my wrist, stopping me suddenly. “If it is bothering you, tell me” Bloodhound came closer, the close proximity throwing me off once again.

“Like you did with Wattson and Octane” I paused for a second trying to ignore how close they were to me and gather my thoughts “You took them right out, with no mercy- but you waited with me”

“I didn’t want you to suffer” They spoke, the hand came up to push my hair behind my ear, revealing the small stitches on the top of my ear caused from the triple take bullet. The same movement had that they had done in the match brought back the same feelings, causing me to hold my breathe trying to keep my composure. 

Their hand moved to my stomach grazing over the same area of where they had shot me. “The same reason I shot you here, because it would only wind you and the pain would be minimal” 

The touch sent Goosebumps all over my body, my heart hammering in my ears as I looked up at Bloodhound. “Why” I whispered, both of us lost in the moment because we had managed to get even closer barely any space between our bodies.

“You are special, the Allfather has blessed me with you” Their thumb tracing over my bottom lip then falling to my jaw tracing the few dotted cuts on it slowly, “that is why I could not kill you”

#Apex Legends #apex #apex legends x reader #bloodhound #bloodhound x reader #gender netural #apex imagines #bloodhound imagine #apex bloodhound

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x fem! Ghafa! Reader - Selfish

A/n: So I wasn't fully happy how this turned out but it's fine! Also btw I changed the title it was previously There for you, there for me?

Warnings: Heart break, language, it has Kaz in it so... I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: Inej your sister is coming back and you know it's selfish but maybe you don't want her to return?

You knew you it was stupid, they all warned you not to. But how could you not? Those raven locks and those deep cold eyes that drew you into a endless ocean of Kaz Brekker. You knew it was silly, crazy even, but maybe that's what the world needed? Did the world need the impossible? The insane? The crazy parts?

When the ice court heist left everyone in shambles trying quickly to pick up the pieces of what you had all lost, and gained. While Nina and Matthias went off to Fjerda, Wylan and Jesper ran the markets, and Inej went off fighting slavers, you...

You stayed.

You stayed for the man that your sister held his heart, the man that you fell for. Staying in Ketterdam surprised everyone, staying with the dregs surprised them even more. You could have left with Inej, you had also been trapped in the menagerie, but your heart had told you to stop listening to your head for second. Would you be happy if you did?

No.

It was the simple yet complicated answer. You realized that you would never be happy as the barrel had become a way of life for you. You were a goddess here, why would you let that go? Ya it was selfish but the sea would shallow you whole with memories you didn't need, they almost did on the ice court heist.

You scale a building as you rip open a letter from your sister giddily, awaiting to see the words on the page that were meant for you. Taking the letter out of the envelope, your smile slowly starts to fade away into a frown as your eyes go down the page.

Dear sister,

The seas have been treating me well, the slavers seems to be cooling down a bit which leads me to my next point of this letter. I'm coming back to visit Ketterdam! I really don't know how you live there, remember the seas are always open for you! Also can you do me a quick favor and in this envelope there's another note inside here for Kaz, can you deliver it for me? Thank you!

May the Saints bless you,

With lots of love, your sister;

Inej

Dread filled you up. Maybe it was selfish however perhaps selflessness wasn't one of your qualities. But you didn't want Inej to come back, you had started something with Kaz. Building anything with Kaz was hard, much less a relationship. Would he choose her over you? The possibilities were endless of what could happen, but you saw very little outcomes where you and Kaz would stay together.

Of course he would choose her, why wouldn't he? You call yourself a goddess, yet your worried what might happen if your little lover might come into contact with your sister. Ha! Your nothing compared to the Wraith.

Shut it. You think, but the truth still lays there right in front of you. It was out in the open and you couldn't ignore it anymore. But what would you do?

Be happy for them. A voice in the back of your head whispers sadly.

Yes, that's what you would do. If they would want to be together you would help them. Selflessness may not be one of the qualities you possessed but you somehow had grabbed it off of someone else shelf. It was in your hands now, and you were going to use it.

As you start to walk back over to the Slat, one thought remains in your mind at the plan you had just formed.

What about you?

+++++++++++TIME SKIP+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wait on the docks beside Kaz, as you two stand side by side waiting for the boat The Wraith to unload. Wylan and Jesper are also there, talking to each other like there's no tomorrow. They're probably just trying to shake off the nerves. You know you are.

You nervously fiddle with your hands as it feels like Inej's crew takes forever to unload everything and start getting everything together. You may not have wanted your sister to come back but you still wanted her to be safe.

And alive. That would be enjoyable.

Finally after what seemed like a century you see the girl come out from the boat and step onto the docks. A single beam of sun light somehow seems to hit her face perfectly as she does and it makes her look like a saint.

Jealousy fills and bubbles in your gut heating to a boiling point. But you push it down because thank the saints she came back alive and unhurt. You pull her into a hug as she comes close enough to you.

While pulling away you smile at her, one of the things that you don't do very often, even so you only really do for two people. Internally you cringe for thinking about Kaz and Inej in the same thought process.

Be happy for them.

Wylan and Jesper go in for a hug and Kaz just's nods at her not liking touch. Though, his eyes still shines a certain way when he looks at her.

"How did the sea's treat you?" Kaz ask's her and Inej goes into a whole delivery of stories about her time at sea. You all started walking to a near waffle house and the one group suddenly turns into two. With Inej, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan at the front, and you walking in the back. Alone.

For a split second you wished Nina and Matthias were here. Although Nina would like to listen to Inej's sea stories she would have stayed with you. But this is as it should be.

You didn't deserve that kind of kindness.

They go into the waffle house and you step aside into the darkness on the street, you were no Wraith but you were still a Ghafa.

They don't even notice your absence.

You watch them through the window and although it may had been a bit creepy you were sure Kaz did worse and you lived in Ketterdam so... And everything you see just confirms your suspicions.

Inej and Kaz look at each, Kaz looks her that way and quickly looks away. They share little innocent touches that would go unnoticed by the regular person but meant your world was slowly breaking. Touch, touch, touch.

Tears well up in your eyes and you push down sobs. Turning sharply to the side you run down the street for a bit before finding a building and a ladder. You scale the building with the help of the ladder not being careful enough so bruises and scrapes would probably show up. But not having enough will to care.

You go and stumble to sit down on the edge and when you do the sobs finally at last leave your throat.

There ugly and uncalled for, because why did you have the right to cry?

No. You growl in your mind.

For once you did have a good reason. Your heart just broke. By the saints even that sounds silly and stupid but you really didn't care.

People always seem to try and describe a broken heart but you absolutely cannot know what it feels like if you have not had your heart broken before.

Tears roll down your face as you continue to sob. Then abruptly... You stop.

Well, your tears silently roll down your cheeks but your sobbing stops. The full feeling finally hits you and the roll coaster you thought you would be experiencing isn't there. It's worse.

Your heart has been ripped out of your chest and it's leaving a gaping hole. Honestly, you don't think you'll ever get it back.

Pathetic, you knew it was, but maybe so was life and this is all just some sick game for someone else's enjoyment.

You barely hear it but there's a soft click of a cane and you didn't even realize it but it was already dark out.

Shit.

You know it's Kaz and you can't face him. You really can't. One because he would obviously know somethings wrong just by taking one look at your tear streaked face. Two because how could you face the man you loved, when you knew he at least liked your sister?

"I would say the stars aren't out today, but they never are in Ketterdam." You start to say, and your voice doesn't wobble but it does have a sense of finality to it.

Kaz comes and stands behind you, and you assumed that he nodded because he didn't say anything. Or maybe nothing was needed to be done or said.

"Inej sometimes said that the stars are the saints watching over us." You pause for a second looking up at the starless sky. Where are you going with this?

"If they are then Ketterdam must be out of their reach and Inej must have brought them back from the sea."

Kaz steps forward so he's even closer to you, and place's a shaky hand on your shoulder.

"I don't think that's true." Kaz whispers into the cold air of Ketterdam.

"If the saints are real and they couldn't watch over Ketterdam. But there's one saint that's always here, that could probably leave if they could but won't. One saint that must be the child of them all, because their so much more then they give themselves credit for. And that the saints sent them to watch over Ketterdam but to never leave." Kaz stops talking and he slowly sits down beside me.

You don't turn to face him you never do when you have talks like these. It's like a silent rule between the two of you, but Kaz Brekker was literally a criminal you both are. So your not nearly as surprised as you should be when he finally decides to break it.

He place's a gloveless hand under your chine and gently turns your head so your facing him. Your eyes finally meet his and everything comes into focus and-

Oh.

You've heard people say that the eyes are the entrance to the soul and maybe you didn't believe them before but it couldn't be more right. In Kaz's eyes you see what he's been trying to tell you for months, but you were so blind in thinking that Inej loved him that you didn't see his attempts. But now, you knew.

He didn't love Inej, he love's you.

He cups your cheek and slowly leans in and lightly brush's his lips on yours. It's barley a kiss but it's enough for now. It's all you could ever ask for.

"Inej love's you." It's a simple statement and Kaz just nods. You hesitate trying to think about your next few words carefully.

"I don't want to hurt her, I never could hurt her intentionally but... What should we do?"

Kaz thinks for a moment before speaking. "Inej will be out at sea and I think one day she'll find someone. She'll be out at sea and we'll break to her when she's ready. And I think whatever we have we can- can have. I know it's selfish but I've never been know for being selfless."

You just intertwine your guy's hands together in agreement while you watch the gloomy but alive streets of Ketterdam.

It's selfish, you both know it but selflessness apparently was not something in both your personality traits.

Words 1905

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung

#shadow and bone #six of crows #Soc #Kaz brekker x ghafa reader #kaz brekker #Kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x you #inej ghafa #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #nina zenik #mattias helvar #milo #grishaverse #crooked kingdom #murder babies #saints #no mourners no funerals #kaz brekker imagine #the crows #the crow club #waffles

[rametarin]

Hunter: the Parenting predictions.

These are spoilered. If you don’t know World of Darkness games, these may not mean much to you. And, actually, this is kind of self-indulgent. These speculations are just put here to look them up later and see how accurate I was about them. If at all.

The subject of Big D.

I think Big D is a mortal, but he is a product of a bunch of Mages, Dreamspeakers in particular, combining their efforts to create a perfect man. His family tree includes members of Werewolf or general fera kinfolk, Fey kith, Dhampirs from misc. Eastern European and Meditteranian family lines, the works. Big D is born in just the right proximity to just the right combination of people to have his foot in many different pies and reap the benefits and privileges of all of them. In true Emperor of Mankind fashion.

He has advantages when operating in most every possible supernatural field, having an absolutely disgusting assortment of Supernatural merits, probably with as few flaws as possible, and his stat block is probably as many 6/5s as can be minmaxed into existence as he can reasonably and just on the opposite side of unreasonably, get.

We’re including exotic and absolutely ridiculous shit like possible Dhampir/ghouled disciplines that he uses vampire blood to maintain his vitae powers on. Which would mean he may have a good 5 in vampiric Blood Sorcery countermagick. That means, that ole Tremere Kevin was better off using a knife than trying to resort to blood sorcery. Hilariously. It’s not a guarantee that Big D has Anti-Thaumaturgy, but I’d bet on it. That can make the difference between being able to use thaumaturgy to compel a person, and just alerting them that you’re there.

This also means Big D is likely in relationships with many Wraiths/Geists. They aren’t his minions, but being able to speak to angry ghosts (ones interested in speaking to the living) helps one understand where to go, what to do and if not why, at least, how to get there. He has ways to get around having no living contacts or leads to clues- just ask the dead. And it also means he may have some wraith allies just waiting to go angry fuckshit.

The problem we get into is under normal circumstances, one cannot be an Imbued (Hunter) and a Mage at the same time. Under normal circumstances. If Big E is running this game he may have just fudged it because DMPC type shit. And of the two, I’d say Big E comes off as more a Mage than a Hunter. But I’m not ruling out he’s a thrall of an actual Demon, like from Demon: The Fallen.

He may also just be a Sorcerer. What’s the difference between a Mage: the Ascension mage, and a sorcerer? The Avatar. The familiar. Mages have an Avatar/Familiar that is a weird spooky personal totem type thing that is their connection to True Magick. It allows them to impose THEIR view of all of reality and creation on basic reality- which is implied to have already had a creator. So, mages impose their will upon something that was already willed into creation.

Sorcerers do not have Avatars/Familiars and are not Awakened. They’re just supernaturally learned mortals that can learn holistic paths to invoke the supernatural parts of the world to operate how they should. This is a more natural and limited path that is nowhere near as boorish and vulgar, but nowhere near as versatile or powerful. It’s limp dicked by comparison, but can do more amazing things than nothing at all.

So I’d wager whether from his Dreamspeaker associates using their True Magick, his Zoanthrope Kinfolk (non-transforming, non-shapeshifting, usually otherwise mortal with a smidge of supernaturality to them of were-creatures. Their support structure), his fey allies, Big D is versed in the ways of Spirit, Mind and Matter.

I’m not ruling out a Marauder, either. Marauders are Mages that have gone mad and for all intents and purposes are just avatars of chaos and disruption incarnate. He’s insane and by the nature of his connection with the cosmos, so long as he’s operating on the cosmos’ behalf (unconsciously), his blowback from Paradox is deflected onto other people. So his punishment and penalty for operating True Magick is a slap on the wrist compared to a singular True Mage.

Just. What I’m getting at here is Big D is a complete and utter monster of a human being and his stat sheet probably looks like someone filled out every multiple choice question in all boxes on the test or completed their character’s gold bars in Disgaea. Just, the highest possible stats he can have.

Also he confirmed he knows a god damned MUMMY. HOLY FUCKING SHIT OF ALL THE THINGS IN WOD YOU DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT A MUMMY. EVER. But he apparently made friends with it so. Yikes. Just, yikes. I pity the dude that has to deal with Big D’s Ride Or Dies if he ever passes because that’s just asking to get a whole assed pyramid dropped on your head.

What I think his ultimate fate will be is he takes an absurd amount of Aggravated damage and winds up a catatonic vegetable bound to the Golden Goose, cared for by Kitten.

The Subject of Markus.

I predict really bad things happening to Markus. Given that we can assume some analogousness to Magnus in Emperor TTS, we know Markus is a studious and scholarly person that loves arcane knowledge. This, in 40K, gets in him trouble. A lot.

It’s Magnus’ breach of the Council of Nikeah that winds up destroying Big E’s project to enable travel through the warp by using elven webway gates. He winds up going on a visionwalk, getting stuck in the warp, tempted by Tzeentch, foretold of a horrible future event happening involving another of his brothers betraying his father, passing through a barrier to escape the warp and return home, and in the process unleashing daemons upon the collective psyche of all of mankind and heaven.

So how could that translate to WoD? Well. Magnus not knowing enough and resulting in an absolute monster escaping containment, partially because Big D neglected to tell him anything, has already happened. So I’m not sure if things will progress quite the same way.

But supposing Magnus wound up taking a similar path- falling to Chaos. In WoD terms, I have a difficult time seeing Magnus going vampire. Unless he’s embraced to be a Tzimisce or Gangrel or something and then pursues Blood Sorcery. But that just seems like such a waste.

I think it’s more likely Magnus will discover he’s either kith to Trolls, Redcaps or kinfolk to Fianna were-wolves. And then he’ll fall to the Wyrm- the badguys in Werewolf games.

Big D did ask if he, “has always had spider eyes.” I sincerely doubt he’ll go Ananasi/Were-spider. But.. I’m not ruling it out.

What I think will be his ultimate fate is either he gets corrupted by Wyrm taint as a mortal, and Bane after Bane possesses him until his body is effectively no different from how it appears in WH40K. Very tall, red as fuck, missing an eye, able to manifest sorceries (likely, spirit Charms), and more spirit than mortal being.

To be Tainted by Banes would explain his fluctuations in height, the Rage, the sorceries, even the red flesh, wings (feathered or not) and even the war-form.

The subject of Kitten.

I mean. At the very least I suspect he’s kinfolk to Bastet (were-cats.) And I can’t help but suspect he’s part of the Ceilican breed. The fey-cats. Smaller, basically were-housecats. Very often friends of European witches and sorcerers.

I’m inclined to believe he’s at LEAST homid/human born, because he was childhood friends with Markus. But I do not know. He refuses to show his face or skin, but he’s very clearly patriotic and British. Though he’s canonically a slightly browner shade than would be the norm for Britain. Perhaps Arab, or South/East Asian.

But supposing he was a were-cat, perhaps skulking about in a human enough form to pass but also maintain some advantages of his forms, I’d rule out the following tribes/breeds:

He’s not tall or heavy enough to be a Khan/Were-tiger. Nor is he likely Pumonca, Balam, Qualmi, or Simba. That leaves Ceilican (fey-cats of Europe), Swara (were-cheetah), Bubasti (kyphur).  Bagheera is a possibility, but I’m not holding my breath.

I would say Bubasti.If Kitten were Egyptian, that would explain a lot about his aesthetic. Perhaps with some flaws that give him an unsightly appearance.

The Subject of Door:

I mean. I think Door is either a Mage or a Hunter. And I veer towards Mage. He just doesn’t know he’s doing anything magical. But he clearly can make things absolutely ridiculously strong for their components.

The Subject of Boy:

I think Door may have either adopted Boy or be his biological father, but I’d wager Door adopted Boy. And I believe Boy is either a 15th generation thin blooded vampire, or a Dhampir.

There’s at least one bloodline of vampire that can’t get nourishment from just blood. They have to eat flesh or they start to rot. I’m willing to bet this is not true of boy, but it’s a possibility.

I think Door adopted Boy after killing at least one thin-blooded parent of his. A vampire so weak and thin-blooded they can carry babies. The creators of Dhampir. He felt bad about it. Boy is his penance and a reminder that perhaps not every single vampire is a corpse or inherently monstrous.

#hunter: the parenting #door #boy #kitten #markus #Big D #Pyotir #Ape #Shitbeard #Bikerbro #Fiddler

[magireco]

Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!! 

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc... 

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka... 

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation. 

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them. 

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

#asks #luna-mistrunner #homura akemi #analysis #THIS MAY HABE TAKEN ME LIKE 2 DAYS ON AND OFF

[squishneedsahero]

Holding Tight

Broken Things to Mend

Part 2 of 1

Word Count: 9746

A soulmate au where you have the first sentence your soulmate will say to you tattooed on your body in their handwriting.

A/N: I had a need to do this all in one chapter so I apologize for the length.

Things are more than just a little bit awkward for you to figure out when Loki comes back for you. Firstly is the fact that Thor thought the both of you to be dead, second that Loki had somehow taken over Asgard and was pretending to be his father, third is the fact that you can just... do what you want. You want food? Yes you can have that, as much as you'd like too. You want to just vibe in a dark room, okay, you can do that too.

Out of everything it's probably the fourth thing that's the weirdest, and it's the fact that because Thor is off-world Loki lets you move into the palace with him, keeping some sort of illusion over you as you become healthy. You'd be surprised by how much just being a twig with grey skin masks your real appearance. Like, no one had any idea that you were the Wraith who had been in the dungeon a month ago, it made no sense so you could only agree with Loki that they must be idiots. Loki didn't really tell you much about what it was he was doing as 'king' and you didn't care enough to ask. The cover story he came up with for you was that you were a servant which was confusing but still, you knew nothing better, as far as you were concerned you were living the high life.

With Loki pretending to be his father and you pretending to be a servant the two of you kind of sneak around when you're hanging out together. That also isn't hard to do thanks to Loki's magic, most of the time is spent together in the library. He spends the time to patiently teach you how to read, and you absolutely adored it. You basically absorbed the knowledge held in those pages, taking anything you could get after millennia of knowing nothing about the universe.

You aren't anywhere near ready to do anything serious with Loki. Sure, the two of you had shared a kiss but that was in a moment of passion, relieving fears of having lost a chance with the other. You have your own suite to yourself, that allows you to figure yourself out along with every other thing that you're having to figure out. But, the two of you spend plenty of time together, reading in the library, sitting in the gardens at night and sharing meals in either his or your suite. So, you were becoming yourself. Healthy for the first time in your lifetime, no grayish skin, no longer just a wisp of a form, but how you had been each time you'd been in possession of an infinity stone.

Months pass and you grow close with your soulmate, first you got comfortable enough to hold his hand. Then it became shy kisses, as though you were a child with a crush though he was your soulmate. Eventually the both of you also discovered that from your centuries of isolation you were extremely touch starved, and Loki was as well, but as soon as you had discovered how safe you felt with his arms wrapped around you, you became a leech. That same night you'd started sharing a bed and you never wanted him to let go, every time he had to do anything as Odin you'd complain even if you still let him go.

So, yeah slowly but surely the two of you fell in love, and it was wonderful. For the first time in both of your lives you felt like you had someone you were safe with. You could be yourselves, say what you wanted and not having to worry about the other ever letting go. Pure bliss. Loki was the happiest he had been in his life, he never wanted to leave your side, to the point that he contemplated giving the throne back to Odin and running off with you. The two of you didn't get that chance.

Loki was out at one of his public appearances as Odin, keeping up the act of being king, you didn't like going out during the day so instead you stayed back in the library to read. More than surprised when he came back early, Thor following closely behind him, looking clearly upset.

"Brother what is this, take me to Father. I know he isn't on Asgard, so why have you brought me here?"

"Patience, Thor, I have some things here that I cannot just up and leave."

You look confused as they approach and Thor looks disgruntled until he finally looks up to find Loki's destination. You. His eyes widen and a smile breaks through the upset look he had been sporting, "Wraith! I thought you dead!? It is good to see you!"

Loki stops him from running to you, and instead allows you to stand up and approach them the rest of the way. You offer a small smile to Thor, and say, "my name is actually y/n."

You're close enough that Loki can't exactly stop Thor from pulling you into a hug, which shocks you more than a little bit and puts a sour look on Loki's face. Finally he puts you down and looks at you, setting a hand on your shoulder, "I'm sorry y/n, when Malekith had taken the Aether from you- you seemed dead. I apologize for leaving you on that planet."

You smile a little wider, "it's alright Thor... there was a lot happening, but Loki found me and brought me back here." You pause and glance between the two brothers, "what is it that brings you here?"

"My brother has let me think he was dead and has sent our father off to who knows where, Ragnarok is coming and Odin is needed here."

You nod, somewhat understanding but as said before you didn't ask about what Loki had done as Odin or why he had done it exactly, you just knew they had an extremely strained relationship.

"I am taking Thor to Midgard to find our father, and now with everyone knowing I am not Odin I thought it best if you join us."

"Midgard? Are you sure that is smart?"

"No, it isn't smart but it is the only option to get Thor to leave us alone."

You nod once again, "alright."

Getting to earth was more than a little weird, you held tightly to Loki as you went through the Bifrost and once you're on earth Loki changes into a suit and gives you a cute dress to replace your usual cloak/robe thing since that was a little obvious. You're surprised that the dress isn't as bad as you'd expected, it was a nice black dress, keeping with your usual vibe. Morticia Addams-esque is the only good way to describe it with its long sleeves, floor length skirt and the fit that hugged your body.

Following next to Loki he leads the both of you to a demolished building. "What is this?" Thor asks, still upset.

"I swear, I left him right here."

"Right here in this building or right here in this pile of rubble?"

Loki doesn't get a chance to answer as two girls walk up to Thor and ask to take a picture. By the time Thor is done he's forgotten the question he had asked and Loki didn't want to answer it. Nothing more is able to be said as a ring of sparkles sprouts around you and Loki, then opens up and lets the two of you fall into darkness. Loki quickly wraps his arms around you and puls you close to him.

"What is this?" you ask.

"I do not know, we will soon find out, though I cannot do anything to get us out of here."

You sigh gently, but the darkness and being held close by Loki was much preferred to the glaring sunlight you'd been in moments before. "At least we are together," you say.

This brings Loki back to the moment and he pulls you more tightly against him, "you know, Love, we could have some fun with this since we have nothing else to do."

His smooth voice flows over you and you lean into his chest, "we can kiss," you offer softly, having no desire for anything more.

"That sounds lovely dear," he says and pulls you into a kiss.

So, here's the thing, he kept suggesting things like this and though you knew what it was he was wanting you had no interest in it. Everything was so new to you that he didn't think much about it, but for you the more times he offered the more you realized that it was something you'd never want to do. The concept of it not being normal didn't occur to you, the idea that you should just tell him that didn't occur to you either.

So the two of you kiss for a while and try your best to cuddle as you free fall. Eventually and unexpectedly the two of you stop, crashing onto the floor, Loki taking the brunt of the fall with you landing on top of him. You sit up and find yourself in a somewhat compromising position but you're busy with Thor and the other dark haired man standing above you. You stand up, and Loki quickly follows, looking at the man and drawing some daggers.

"You think yourself a sorcerer? I will teach you to-"

"Okay, goodbye," the man says, and sends all three of you through another one of those golden portals.

You're a bit dizzy so it takes a moment longer to notice the man sitting on a rock over looking the cliff. Odin. You decide to stay back and let the brothers talk with their father, Loki doesn't let you do that though as he takes your hand for support and takes you along with him to see Odin.

"Father?" Thor questions.

Odin doesn't answer and instead says, "look at this place. It's beautiful."

"Father, it's us."

"My sons. I've been waiting for you."

"We've come to take you home."

"Home, yes. Your mother, she calls me. Do you hear it?" Odin responds and you keep your grip on Loki's hand, after all the stories you'd heard from Loki this was hardly how you had expected Odin to react.

"Loki, lift your magic," Thor says turning on his brother.

"Took me quite a while to break free from your spell," Odin stops Thor from punching Loki. "Frigga would have been proud," Odin pauses. "Come, sit with me. I don't have much time."

"I know that we failed you, but we can make this right," Thor says, desperately wanting his father to live.

"I failed you. It is upon us...Ragnarok," Odin says, ignoring Thor's pleas.

"No, I've stopped Ragnarok. I put an end to Surtur."

"No. It has already begun. She's coming," he says mournfully. "My life was all that held her back, but my time has come. I cannot keep her away any longer."

"Father, who are you talking about?"

"The Goddess of Death. Hela. My first born. Your sister," Odin gives the unexpected answer.

"...what?" Thor asks in shock, while Loki's only response is his grip tightening on your hand.

"Her violent appetites grew beyond my control. I couldn't stop her, so I imprisoned her. Locked her away. She draws her strength from Asgard...and once she gets there,  her powers will be limitless."

"Whatever she is, we can stop her. We can face her together."

"No we won't. I'm on a different path now. This you must face alone. I love you my sons," Odin says and with that he turns to a glittering mist that dissipates in the ocean breeze.

"Brother," Loki says, trying to prevent Thor from doing anything rash.

"This was your doing," the blond responds, electricity crackling at his finger tips.

You're ready to step in front of your soulmate to prevent a conflict, but you don't have too. There's a crackling sound behind you and you all turn to see a dark, smoky, portal open and a woman with dark hair and a slightly crazed look in her eye steps through.

"So, he's already gone," she clicks her tongue. "A shame, I would've liked to see that."

Nothing happens for a beat then Thor holds Mjolnir to the sky, calling lightning down which changes him into his armor. In the same moment Loki changes his clothes and yours to his armor and your usual cloak.

"You must be Hela, I'm Thor, son of Odin."

"Really?" The woman asks with a raised eyebrow, "you don't look like him."

"Perhaps we could come to an agreement," Loki steps in.

Hela then turns to him, not even giving you a glance, "you sound like him," she says in disgust. She pauses a beat before saying, "Kneel," another pause, "before your queen."

"I beg your pardon?" Loki questions the same moment that Thor throws his hammer at her.

She catches it. With one hand, something thats supposed to be impossible, and then she does something even more impossible. The hammer begins to quiver in her hand until it slowly shatters.

"Impossible," Thor murmurs.

"Darling, you have no idea what's possible."

"Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!" Loki shouts, wanting to get you to safety. Unfortunately he ignores Thor's protests to not do so but his arms are around you as you're once again sucked up into the Bifrost.

You think you're safe for a moment then you look below you and theres Hela, quickly growing closer until you goes to grab your ankle. Luckily you're able to turn partially to mist and avoid her, but Loki isn't so lucky. She gets ahold of his ankle and sends the both of you through the wall of the Bifrost and out into space.

Luckily, you were able to survive in the void of space, it was a wraith's natural environment after all. Not so luckily, Loki can't, for long at least. You pull him into your chest and look out into space, desperately searching for a nearby planet you can take him too.

"Y/n," you hear him speak in your mind, "Love, do not worry so much, I am able to breathe right here, your touch is keeping me alive."

You allow your shoulders to drop, the stress and tension leaving leaving you. You kiss the top of his head, "okay, darling, you hold onto me and I will get us out of here." Knowing that your soulmate won't die in your arms this day calms you, and from here you're able to take your time with finding a planet as Loki holds to you.

Well, you don't exactly find a planet right away. Instead you take him through a wormhole that is nearby. Why you do this you aren't sure but when you saw it, it seemed to call to you, its energy attracting you like a moth to a light.

It spits the both of you out on a planet covered in junk, where Loki is able to breathe. It's lucky that he can breathe because you had absorbed the energy of the wormhole, shielding him from it, and promptly passing out. In turn he shields you from the fall, and giving you a chance to wake up.

When you open your eyes you're on the ground, still in his arms. He gives you a gentle kiss when your eyes flutter open, "hello love, you did brilliantly back there."

"I am just glad I was able to keep you alive, I didn't know I was able to do that," you respond gently as you begin looking around. The planet is covered in junk, old ships, random things from different planets and different species of aliens. Something is off though, a ship quickly lands alongside both of you and someone steps out. Actually a few someones.

"Are you fighters, or food?"

"Neither," you answer.

"Then food it is," and they say as they ready their weapons.

You shake you head, "I just pulled us out of the void of space, got aren't going to kill us after I put in that much work."

Loki offers his hand to you in support but is willing to let you handle this. You'd only fought under the influence of the infinity stones before this, he was curious as to what your abilities were like on your own.

You don't know what you're doing, but you follow your gut instinct with it. Outstretching your hands, in front of you and towards the ground. Your skin grays for a moment as mist begins flowing from your fingertips. It goes slow, until it doesn't in a sudden blast it  shoots out around you in a wall, knocking all of them down and out. You then look at your soulmate then at the ship which had landed by the both of you, "shall we?" You ask with a smile, learning about the universe with Loki as your teacher probably wasn't the best thing for the safety of those around you but it worked.

"That was amazing, beautiful," Loki says and leads the way onto the ship, and takes the controls. It doesn't take the both of you long to find the main city on the planet and of course Loki takes it upon himself to find the most important building with the most important people.

The leader of the planet is a man who calls himself the Grand Master and Loki easily sweet talks his way into the man's favor. He gives you both a place to stay, and invites you to the extravagant parties he throws. For the first time they two of you aren't having to sneak around the public eye with your relationship and that means Loki takes you on real dates.

Sakaar is a weird place, so the dates are weird. You spend most of the time dragging him around to see new things you hadn't seen before. He finds it endearing, you're especially cute when you're learning new things. The way your eyes would light up like a child's, your smile covering your face, you were gorgeous.

The parties are glamorous, and you hate them at least a little bit, they're so crowded and and everyone is drinking and it's just a bit overwhelming. But they're something Loki enjoys and he always keeps you close so it isn't as bad as it could be. He teaches you how to dance, the two of you holding one another closely and moving in sync to the various songs the Grand Master plays.

"The two of you will absolutely love the contest of champions. The fighting, the maiming it's just wonderful. I cannot wait for the two of you see my wonderful champion he's absolutely terrifying," the Grandmaster says to the both of you one day.

"Yes, I've heard of your famous contest of champions I'm sure it will be absolutely wonderful when we are finally able to watch," Loki placates the man so that he will leave the both of you alone. You hated him more than a little bit, he was always hitting on you despite the fact Loki was right there. Granted he was also hitting on Loki while you were beside him, and suggesting something called a threesome that you had the feeling you didn't want to learn more about.

Fortunately Grandmaster leaves, distracted by something else, leaving you to take a seat next to Loki. "How long do we have to stay here?" You ask softly.

"We don't have to put up with him for much longer, just until I get the codes to access his ships then we can steal one and get our of here," he says softly in your ear and allows his hand to caress your thigh.

"Good, cause I can't stand him... and it would probably be good to get back to Asgard and help your people not be killed by your sister."

You can feel Loki roll his eyes, "you're still stuck on that?"

"Yeah, I am, and you aren't changing my mind cause I quite like helping people. It's much nicer than trying to obliterate an entire planet."

"Alright, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to change your mind," he sighs. "Imagine, we could find another planet and rule over it together, you at my side as my queen. The Asgardians would never allow me to go back to being their leader."

"No, they wouldn't, but that's probably because you lied to them about being Odin," you respond with a sassy smirk. "Plus, maybe if you helped them they'd forgive you for that."

He gently pets the top of your head, "darling," he starts but you cut him off by placing a gentle kiss on his lips. You know if you let him keep going he'd just continue to demean himself, and you didn't want that.

His hands move to grasp your hips as he pulls you onto his lap and deepens the kiss. You lean back to look at him and softly say, "would you like to go back to our room?" You pause for a moment before continuing, "I have something I want to tell you."

His expression changes from something more lustful to his neutral mask to hide his confusion at your shift. Nevertheless he doesn't miss a beat as he says, "of course." He gets up with you and leads the both of you back to the suite the Grandmaster had provided.

Once there you pull him after you to the bed, where you sit next to him. "You know, I like to kiss and cuddle you."

"I do?" He says, allowing an eyebrow to raise.

"Yeah, but I wanted to tell you that I love you. I also wanted to tell you that," you pause attempting to make sure you find the right words, "well, when you keep offering to have the sex I don't want too," you end with a shrug.

Loki takes a moment to process your words before he says anything. "So you are asexual?" He asks gently.

"I am A-sexual?" You ask, confused by the words he had just said.

He smiles at you endearingly as he remembers that you don't know as much as he does. "Yes, asexual," he confirms while taking your hand. "It means that you do not feel sexual attraction, so you do not want to have sex," he explains to you.

You pause for a moment before responding, "yeah," you nod, "that's it. I'm asexual." A smile comes across your face as you say this, not having a single clue how this might be a bigger deal for many other beings.

Loki smiles at you, "thank you for telling me, love. I very much enjoy kissing and cuddling you as well, and we do not need to do anything more if you don't want too."

You put your arms around his shoulders and give him a kiss, "I love you." You pause for a moment and tilt your head, "why is it that you are acting so oddly about this?"

Loki caresses your cheek, "well, for many other beings it can be a big deal. For me it isn't a big deal, on Asgard such things are common, as for why I am acting oddly is because I wasn't expecting this and I am just taking a moment to process this, but I know that it doesn't change the love I feel for you in any way."

You squeeze his hand and take a moment to think before determining, "it shouldn't be a big deal. It is just how I feel and you are my soulmate do I thought I should tell you."

"I agree, it shouldn't be a big deal and for most it isn't but for some reason Midgardians frequently and confusingly get very caught up on the subject. For instance if they knew on occasion I prefer to present myself as a female there would be a riot," he says and pulls you into a hug.

"That's absurd," you say as you muse over this information. The rest of that day is spent with you and your love discussing the complexities of the universe and how some creatures can be so close minded. There's also plenty of cuddling, and kissing, it's very enjoyable.

The Grandmaster seems to have parties everyday so the next day the two of you find yourselves out and about. For once you choose to wear a dress with shorter sleeves, showing your soul mark and having confidence in yourself for once. It's alright that your arm has the word "Useless" on it, it didn't batter because it was a reminder of how far you and Loki had come with one another.

You feel Grandmaster's eyes on you as you enter, and you also feel Loki's arm wrap around you and hold you to his side. This gives you some confidence as you go with him to get some drinks and take a seat on a couch. Your peace doesn't last long though as Grandmaster comes over and begins to flirt with both of you.

You squeeze Loki's hand and let him do the talking. The being in front of you is on your nerves and probably has a higher dose of pissing you off than is healthy or doctor recommended. Luckily he isn't able to stick around as his assistant comes up and says one of his scrappers is in need of a meeting with him.

You lean against Loki once the other man is gone, "are you sure that we need his codes to leave this place?"

"No," Loki answers honestly.

You look at him, "okay then let's leave."

He gently rolls his eyes, "later, today I'm still trying to convince you to stay here with me."

You pout and kiss his cheek, "okay, but it's not happening."

Before Loki can respond to you the both of you hear a voice to your side, "Loki! Loki!" It is an attempt at a whisper, a very poor attempt but it gets your attention.

The both of you turn and look, seeing none other than Thor stuck in one of the Grandmaster's prison chairs. Without thinking the both of you are on your feet and at his side. "What are you doing here?" Loki hisses at his brother.

"This man who calls himself the Grandmaster has taken me hostage, says I have to fight for him- you both must help me get out of here-"

You and Loki share a look before he says, "no, we've made friends with the Grandmaster we cannot sacrifice our position now."

You and Thor both open your mouths and there's a few moments of awkward babbling as you try to figure out who will speak. It's decided for you both when Grandmaster shows up right behind the both of you and asks, "what you talking about here?"

There's another few awkward moments as they all try and cover and get him to leave you alone. Eventually he does but it's after Thor is sent away and Loki somehow gets him to leave the two of you alone so he can drag you off to your room instead of letting you go after Thor.

"I suppose there is even less of a chance for us to stay here now?"

"Yeah," you say and give him a sweet kiss. "I don't want to stay here, if you don't want to help you don't have too. But I'm getting Thor out then I'll go help free Asgard and you find us a nice place to live and I'll come find you."

He rolls his eyes, "very well, but can we not worry about it until morning?"

You look at him before shrugging, "fine, as long as you hold me." You give in on this, knowing nothing more is going to be done today or you'd end up killing Grandmaster.

The next day Loki isn't very helpful with trying to figure out where Thor is. By the time you make some progress the Grandmaster announces that he contest of champions will be happening that evening.

Once the man is gone you turn on Loki, "that's your brother being a dumbass isn't it?! And I'm guessing you knew which is why you've been less than helpful." He doesn't answer which I'm and of itself is an answer. "I'm leaving," you say turning away from him walking towards the door. "I'll be back later, don't follow me I need some time to stop being mad at you."

The door closes behind you and you just walk, out onto the streets leaving the building. You can take care of yourself anyways, plus the fact that he hadn't just said 'hey I don't want to help find Thor' instead of pretending to be helpful all day. Like sure, you could see through his magic and could tell most of the time when he was lying since he was the only one you'd ever had a real conversation with. Like, Loki, just say that, sure you'll be upset but it's preferable to you straight up faking wanting to help all day.

You're so upset that before you even make it out of the building you bump into a woman you'd seen around before. "Sorry," you mutter and go to keep walking.

She catches your arm and looks at you, "what are you?" She asks, as politely as possible.

It's at that point you realize your black mist is currently rolling off of you due to your emotions. "I'm y/n," you say.

"Uhm okay, I'm scrapper 142, but that doesn't tell me why you're," she looks you up and down, "dissolving."

You pause, "You're scrapper 142? Do you know where I could find the blond man you brought to the Grandmaster yesterday?"

"He's in the lock up." She looks over you again, and you realize she's checking you out, "but there's no privacy down there so you'll hardly be able to get your way with him, plus he's property of the Grandmaster so you'd just have to ask if you wanted him."

It takes you a moment to catch on, visibly wincing and gagging a little. "Ew. No. Gross. He's just a friend and his brother is being less than helpful with helping me to find him." She doesn't need to know more so with that you scurry off after a hurried thank you.

You're able to find Thor in an area that seems to be a bar. Well, he isn't in the bar he's in the room that is blocked off from the bar with a huge glass wall. He has a different haircut so it takes you a moment but you spot him and make a beeline over there. "Thor, what are you doing?"

"Ah, Wraith- I mean y/n," he corrects when you shoot him a glare, "it is the only way to get my freedom from this place. It is easy I will beat the Grandmaster's champion and be free."

You shake your head, "Thor, this is serious no one has ever survived the champion. I haven't seen his strength but the delight Grandmaster takes in his fighting doesn't mean anything good. You have to call it off, Loki and I are working on a way off of this planet-"

"Is that what he's telling you?" Thor asks with a face filled with sympathy.

"No that's what I'm telling him. I refuse to stay on the god forsaken planet a moment longer than I have too. I have also determined I will be helping you get back to Asgard. Loki doesn't want too but I cannot stand by when I can do something. I have a chance to redeem myself from the lies Loki has told them."

Thor presses his hand against the glass and says, "that is honorable y/n, how you are my brother's soulmate I haven't a clue."

You let out a gentle laugh and rest your hand on the opposite side of the glass from his, "I do not either, but I love him even if he is an idiot for thinking no one on that planet has place in their hearts for forgiveness." You pause and look around, "I should get going, I told Loki I would return on time for the fight. You make it out of this and I'll be sure you make it off this planet."

"Thank you," Thor pauses momentarily, "sister." The term of endearment sends a smile across your face as you nod and leave, finding your way back to the room you shared with Loki.

Once you arrive back to your suite you're in a much better mood, of course Loki picks up on this and asks, "so you found him?"

"Yeah, I found him," you say and plop on the bed next to him. "I'm assuming Grandmaster is expecting us to sit with him during the fight?"

"Yes," Loki says, his tone a bit cold. Why do you care so much about Thor? You hardly know him and yet you're willing to sacrifice living in this place with him, Loki, your soulmate, to help.

You turn your head to look at him, catching the slight inflection of his voice. "Loki, I love you and I know you know I'm telling the truth. You're the god of lies, you'd know in an instant if I was hiding anything." You pause and turn to gently take his hands. "I just want to make up for the horrors I committed under Thanos, the people I killed-" you take a shaky breath, getting emotional as you always do when talking of your time serving Thanos.

Loki removes a hand from yours to cup your cheek and make you face him. "Darling," he says gently, "that was all Thanos, not you."

You smile gently at him, "I know it was, but that doesn't change the fact that I helped and feel grief over doing so." You pause, picking your wording carefully, "when I know I can help and have the chance, I can't not take it. I spent millennia locked up without purpose besides being a bargaining chip. Protecting innocents from going through anything similar to what I did allows me to feel more value in myself... and if you gave it the chance I think it would do the same for you."

Loki shakes his head when you change the subject to him, "love, I am a monster in their eyes, irredeemable even if you think you can see good in me-"

You shut him up with a kiss. "Loki, I know I see good in you. You are my soulmate and we know each other better than anyone else in this universe. I cannot force you to help, and that is alright, but I have made my choice and you cannot force me to not help. All I can offer you is my support in making your own choice with this, and all I ask is that you do the same for me."

He stays silent, knowing you were right and that he had been being unfair to you. You pull him into another kiss and say, "now come, we are going to go watch your brother fight this champion Grandmaster will not stop boasting of."

With that you stand and move to change into an armored gown. It had a flowy skirt and and armored chest plate/ corset. It was impractical but offered more protection than anything else you had and seeing as you planned to keep Thor from dying you'd most likely need it.

You link your arm with your Love's and walk with him to the Grandmaster's sitting area for this fight. There's a small warm up fight before he announces Thor. Then as he began to announce his champion the crowd roared. Their volume drowning out the words Grandmaster says and presumably the crash when the stadium door comes crashing in, flying straight at Thor.

Your eye go straight to Thor, watching to see if he was hurt. He of course dodged without issue but his reaction to his opponent catches you and everyone else off guard.

"Yeeeessssss!" He shouts, silencing the crowd with his excitement.

You feel Loki's hand grip yours more tightly and you turn to look at who Thor would be fighting.

Hulk.

This was either good or very bad. It's quickly decided bad when Thor shouts that he is a friend from work and Hulk in turn sends him flying across the stadium. They both use all of their power to bring the other down, leading to an intense but short fight.

It seems Thor is going to win, until Grandmaster leans forward in his seat and Thor collapses to the ground. Hulk jumps, high above the walls of the stadium and goes back down to smash Thor. Your hand is shaking in Loki's as Thor's body is dragged off.

"Is he dead?" You ask Grandmaster, trying to keep your tone neutral.

"No, no of course not. It is more entertaining to have a challenger who can put up a fight with my Champion," he pauses to raise an eyebrow at you, "why? Are you worried?"

You shake your head, "no, I was just curious. He was going strong and collapsed so suddenly it made no sense."

You and Loki stick around for the after party. Drinking and dancing, you trying to assure him that you do love him even if you're too stubborn to budge on the fact that you're going to help Asgard. It's a long fun night, probably the most fun you've had on Sakaar.

The two of you sleep in until noon when you're awoken by a summons from Grandmaster. You and Loki are met by Scrapper 142 at the door and all three of you enter together.

Okay, so Thor escaped... with Hulk, and Grandmaster wanted the three of you to find them. Like somehow turns it into a competition and once again you're ticked off by him and just walk away once you're out the door. He and the scrapper can compete in finding Thor, you're just going to find him and help.

By the time you make it outside the people have flooded the streets and are celebrating in an attempt to draw out Hulk. You're able to find him before anyone else can though, and that is due to one simple thing. You know what he looks like when he isn't Hulk.

You approach the nervous looking man and set a hand on his shoulder, which makes him jump and you ask, "where's Thor?"

Fear overcomes him and he points behind you. You turn and see Thor with a dumb rag over his head, "Thor what are you doing?"

"I am in disguise," he responds.

You can only shake your head, "okay- how are we getting out of here?"

Your conversation is interrupted by Scrapper 142 coming up behind you. "What are you guys doing? It's really annoying having the Grandmaster threaten my love over your idiotic ideas."

You raise an eyebrow, "Where's Loki?"

"Loki?" Bruce asks.

"Why do you care? You and I are the ones who found them first." You shake it off, and she says, "come on I have somewhere we can hide."

Bruce speaks up, "who is she? She's beautiful, what are those things by her eyes? Are they people she's killed?"

The scrapper turns to him and says, "I feel like I know you."

"I feel like I know you as well."

The Scrapper is introduced by Thor as Valkyrie and she takes you back to her apartment.

"I have a peace offering," she states as she opens the door and sitting there tied up is Loki. You laugh at the sight of him.

Bruce looks between the two of you then to Thor, "are you sure it is a good idea to have them here? Can they be trusted?"

Thor throws something at Loki's head and it bounces off, then answers Bruce. "Yes, y/n has promised to help-"

You cut in, "Look, I'm here to help. I could tell you my entire sob story in an attempt to get you to trust me but that would take too long. Let's just say Thor trusts me, I helped him defeat the Dark Elves and I was manipulated into doing what I did to earth and I feel bad about it so I'm trying to help."

Bruce doesn't have anything to say to that, so he turns to Loki, "and what about you? Are you planning on killing us?"

"It varies from moment to moment," Loki responds ominously.

"He's not going to kill anyone," you say with a pointed look at him, to which he just rolls his eyes, knowing you're right.

"You really think you can control that psychopath?" Bruce asks in confusion.

Now you look at Bruce with a dead panned look, the look that you got when you were legitimately upset, complete calm before a storm. "Control him, no. Reason with him, yes." Thor steps in between you and Bruce, and you sigh at him before shaking your head and stepping back.

"Y/n may want to help us and my brother may be restrained but I suggest you watch your words Bruce."

"Why's that?" Bruce looks between the two of you carefully, slowly putting the pieces together.

"Soulmates," Thor says softly.

"Wait, the two of you are soulmates and you are completely fine with me tying him up?" Valkyrie speaks up.

"Not necessarily fine with it, but I'm somewhat annoyed with him at the moment so I'll leave him."

"Thank you Love," Loki says and you can hear him roll his eyes.

"You're very welcome, darling," you say as you stride over and stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

"So, to get out of here you'll have to go through one of the wormholes and in 12- 18 months you'll arrive in Asgard," Valkyrie says.

"No, we're going through the big one," Thor says and points out the window.

"The Devil's Anus?" Valkyrie asks irrediculously.

"I did not know it was called that when I chose it."

Bruce looks at the dark shape in the sky to which Thor had gestured and began analyzing it.

"My ship won't hold up going through that, we're going to have to steal one of the Grandmaster's and that'll need a distraction," Valkyrie says.

"You could always bring out the beast," Loki says unhelpfully

"You guys have a beast?" Valkyrie laughs.

"Loki, didn't you get those codes from Grandmaster? The ones to access his ships?" you ask.

"Yes," he says glaring at you over his shoulder, "I don't remember telling you I got them though."

"Just a guess with how helpful you've been the last few days," you respond and try to placate him with a kiss on the cheek. Then you turn back to the others, "Okay, then we can get a ship and go from there."

Now you look at Bruce with a dead panned look, the look that you got when you were legitimately upset, complete calm before a storm. "Control him, no. Reason with him, yes." Thor steps in between you and Bruce, and you sigh at him before shaking your head and stepping back.

"Y/n may want to help us and my brother may be restrained but I suggest you watch your words Bruce."

"Why's that?" Bruce looks between the two of you carefully, slowly putting the pieces together.

"Soulmates," Thor says softly.

"Wait, the two of you are soulmates and you are completely fine with me tying him up?" Valkyrie speaks up.

"Not necessarily fine with it, but I'm somewhat annoyed with him at the moment so I'll leave him."

"Thank you Love," Loki says and you can hear him roll his eyes.

"You're very welcome, darling," you say as you stride over and stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

"So, to get out of here you'll have to go through one of the wormholes and in 12- 18 months you'll arrive in Asgard," Valkyrie says.

"No, we're going through the big one," Thor says and points out the window.

"The Devil's Anus?" Valkyrie asks irrediculously.

"I did not know it was called that when I chose it."

Bruce looks at the dark shape in the sky to which Thor had gestured and began analyzing it.

"My ship won't hold up going through that, we're going to have to steal one of the Grandmaster's and that'll need a distraction," Valkyrie says.

"You could always bring out the beast," Loki says unhelpfully

"You guys have a beast?" Valkyrie laughs.

"Loki, didn't you get those codes from Grandmaster? The ones to access his ships?" you ask.

"Yes," he says glaring at you over his shoulder, "I don't remember telling you I got them though."

"Just a guess with how helpful you've been the last few days," you respond and try to placate him with a kiss on the cheek. Then you turn back to the others, "Okay, then we can get a ship and go from there."

The five of you part ways, you going with Bruce and Valkyrie while Loki goes with Thor. Nothing ever goes smoothly but things go as always. Valkyrie pilots her ship through the air and at this point Grandmaster has caught on that you're aiding Bruce and Thor and not finding them. So, you're flying around the city as she makes a distraction while waiting for Thor to show up.

As for you, you're hopeful that Loki will join you but not holding tightly to the thought. He didn't want to and just as he wouldn't change your mind you doubted you'd change his. Things in the air quickly grow messy, there's too many ships after you for Valkyrie to be able to shoot them all down. They're slowly but surely overwhelming her despite her extraordinary piloting skills.

There's that gut feeling again, you know the one when you have no idea what you're doing but know you can be doing more to help. The one that drew you towards that wormhole a few weeks ago. The one that had you pull Loki into your chest and save his life.

You don't take time to think about it before you're jumping off the ship, arms spread wide. Somewhere above you you can hear Bruce shouting at Valkyrie that you'd just jumped, but that doesn't matter. The wind whips your clothes around you and it feels amazing being in this free fall.

Free fall.

You're free falling.

Towards the ground.

At an incredible speed.

You don't know how to stop yourself.

The ground is approaching quickly and you're beginning to be able to pick individuals out of the crowd below you... Maybe you should stop listening to that gut feeling when you have other options. Yeah, you weren't making it out of this one, you close your eyes for impact.

You close your eyes for impact but the impact never comes. Slowly you convince yourself to open your eyes and when you do you're laying on the ground, black mist swirling around you. Okay... so you fell but didn't make impact... your hands are shaking as you you get yourself up and look to the sky.

There's many ships flying over your head zooming past and splitting off to try and catch Valkyrie and presumably Thor. You need to get back up there... so far that instinct hasn't lead you wrong. After all, you're still alive after jumping off that ship.

As you stand staring at the sky the black mist is rolling off of you in waves. The mist had always been a defense mechanism, you'd spent most of your life basically made out of the stuff and now that it seemed to be able to do more than just keep you alive.

As you continue to focus on the air the mist begins to spiral towards the sky, aiming towards the ships zooming past. You glance down at your feet and see that they're gone. As you look your ankles slowly dissolve into the mist and begin drifting towards the sky.

The mist is you.

You are the mist.

The spiraling mist overtakes you and you are able to fly towards the sky. As you focus you're able to move faster and faster, sending yourself rocketing towards and through one of the ships, sending it spinning towards the ground. It felt freeing. This was what you were meant to be.

You begin taking out other ships, protecting your friends. The ship Thor is piloting is obvious as it's the only other one being chased besides Valkyrie's. Bruce is shot up from Valkyrie's ship and into the other then a few moments later Thor jumps out and begins leaping from ship to ship sending them flying towards the ground.

Everything is flying everywhere. It's overwhelming. Then add on top of that Thor gets back on the ship you'd be taking to Asgard and fireworks go off as some music plays from speakers as Grandmaster's voice echos, "It's my birthday," I'm a sing song voice. It's horrible but it causes Grandmaster's right hand crashing into a building.

Valkyrie is the next one to board the ship and now that the sky were cleared you could as well. Sending your misty body into the ship where you are then able to materialize.

"Now that we're on the same side can I know what you are and why smoke is flying off of you?" Valkyrie asks.

"I don't know, all I k is is that I'm a Wraith by my name is y/n so just call me that."

"Buckle up everyone, we're about to enter the devil's anus," Bruce says from the pilots chair. Valkyrie takes a seat in the copilots chair and you and Thor brace yourselves on the doorframe. The ship begins to quiver as you enter the wormhole, you brace yourself and try to take the brunt of the energy but it doesn't work super well because this one is a lot more powerful than what you had been expecting.

Everything goes black.

You're lying on the floor when you come around again. Everyone else is already awake which tells you you had done some good in shielding them. When you stand up and look out the window there's a beautiful planet, waterfalls flowing off all the sides and a giant bridge extending to one of the edges.

Well, it would be a beautiful planet if it wasn't currently up in flames.

"There's heat signatures up in the mountains. That's where the people are and Hela is going right for them."

"Drop me off at the palace, I will distract her and the rest of you get the people out of here," Thor says.

"How are we going to do that?" You ask.

"I have a man on the ground," Thor responds.

"I'll go start helping them get to the Bifrost, the rest of you can do your thing," you say as you jump off the ship yet again. This time you will yourself to dissolve and fly towards the peak of the mountains where you land.

Okay, so they're in the mountain. You begin looking around for an entrance but instead you find yourself face to face with Heimdal.

"Heimdal."

"Y/n," he inclines his head.

"You want to lead the way? I'll bring up the rear, Thor is distracting Hela at the palace," you say, forgetting that he can see everything. The next thing that happens is an earthquake and lightning striking the palace.

"Asgard!" Heimdal announces loudly, "to the Bifrost." With that all of you quickly move down the mountain and to the rainbow bridge. As you are finally stepping on the bridge behind the people of Asgard loud noises draw your attention away. An army more ugly than the Chitauri coming up behind you.

"Go! Get out of here!" You say and begin turning yourself to mist, flowing in and through them, taking them down. But there's too many of them, and they push you back, further onto the bridge and into the crowd.

They've stopped moving, you turn to see why. And of course things only get worse. There's a giant wolf at the other end of the bridge. Then even worse as Bruce falls from the ship, that Valkyrie is piloting, and his limp body bounces on the bridge.

You turn your attention back to the immediate threat you could protect the people from. The army of undead warriors. The mist thing isn't working very well so you turn and take a sword from one of the nearby Asgardians.

You swing the sword at the enemy and thing you cut through one but no, you had totally missed. The monster you'd swung at grabs the blade of the sword you were holding and wrenches it out of your hands before chucking it off the side of the bridge. You hear Hulk roar behind you and the bridge shakes underneath you, as he throws the wolf off the bridge.

You step towards the monster and begin trying to fight them off. How had you fought before? The infinity stones had clouded your mind. You had no idea what you'd actually done only that you had done it.

Okay, what do you have? You have the ability to turn to mist. You can survive the void of space and keep others alive there too. You can absorb and contain the energy from infinity stones. You're powerful and were able to fight all of the Avengers at once. You can take out a few mindless zombies.

You throw your arms out and release a wave of mist, throwing a ton of them off the bridge, giving yourself a moment to think. You were tiring out quickly, already tired from your previous fight. That's when the idea comes over you.

Something had brought these things into being. Some sort of power, you begin to focus on the closest of all of them. A tendril of mist extends towards them and slowly lifts them off the ground.

You can feel the energy draining from them, all of that power flowing into you. When he goes limp you finally release your grip before moving onto the next one. As you figure it out you're able to begin moving faster and taking the energy from more and more of them at once.

The wolf has stopped shaking the bridge but you can still hear them fighting. Valkyrie's ship had crashed into the bridge and fireworks shooting into the sky. Things aren't looking good despite the fact that you're now taking the creatures down in droves.

Lightning is flashing and the entire planet is shaking. All of you are cornered onto the bridge that is beginning to crumble under you. There's five million things happening at once and you're overwhelmed, maybe you shouldn't have left Loki thinking you were upset with him.

"Your savior is here!" A voice cuts through the noise and you turn to see Loki. The sight of him captures your attention, he had come on a giant ship to rescue his people. His battle armor shines in the light and you can see him look at you.

His eyes widen and you can see him shout something at you, but before you have a chance to figure out what he's saying you go flying off the side of the bridge into the water below. The wind is knocked out of you and your vision goes blurry. You make yourself focus enough to drag yourself out of the water, sputtering as you do so.

Despite having absorbed that energy you were still too tired to turn into mist and get yourself back up there. You're floating on the top of the water as you see Thor come flying lighting lashing out from him as he does. Things are turning in your favor but Hela is still too much for all of you.

The waves from Hulk and the wolf begin tossing you around and you find yourself sinking back under the water, your vision blotchy. It begins to make sense, you hadn't fully absorbed the energy, you'd merely sucked the energy from them but hadn't taken it into yourself. It's as you begin to black out that you feel some arms wrap around you and you see Loki's face come into view.

With that you're able to let yourself relax and close your eyes. No, it's not a good idea but you physically can't keep them open any more so you might as well relax about it.

When you come too, you're in Loki's arms. "Lo?" You ask groggily.

"Yes, I have you darling," he says and slowly lets you stand on the ground, though his arms stay around your waist to steady you. He looks back up out the window and you follow his gaze just to see a giant thrusting his sword deep into the ground of Asgard.

You look at him before turning back, just to see the planet implode. "Loki?" You ask worriedly.

"It is alright Love, as Thor said Asgard is not a place it's a people."

"But you came back," you say and turn in his arms. "I knew you had it in you to be the hero," you say proudly.

"I couldn't very well leave my soulmate to fight my sister on her own," he says in a soft voice and you absolutely melt. No matter the differences of opinion the both of you had on helping and not helping he fully had your heart.

"I love you," you say and give him a kiss. "Let's get your people to somewhere safe then we can run away together, I've always wanted to see the galaxy."

Loki rests his hands on your hips and kisses you deeply, "I'd love nothing more than to spend eternity with you and show you the beauties the universe has to offer."

Everything is perfect right there in that moment. You're safe in the arms of your love, Loki, and he's safe in your arms. It's wonderful, so wonderful you kiss him again and when a shadow blocks out the light through the window it doesn't even matter enough for you to look up.

#loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki fandom #loki x you #loki x y/n #soulmate au #loki x you soulmate au #reader insert soulmate au #loki soulmate au #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel oc #marvel fanfiction #marvel x reader #mcu x you #marvel x y/n #marvel x you #MCU #mcu fanfic #MCU fanfiction #mcu x reader #mcu x y/n

[larathia]

TBHK Analysis: Chapter 88

So, it is time once again for me to attempt to analyze the latest TBHK chapter, and hooboy there is just so much to unpack here. We're finally getting backstory on Number Six, which I'm sure will be continued in next month's chapter since we are nowhere near done.

But meantime. Let's see what we can say about what we have, ne?

Firstly, what we have here is some seriously creepy entanglements between the Akane family and the Minamoto clan, and what I took away from it is we should be thinking really hard about what Teru's 'plans' for Aoi might include. Because what we've got is that the Akane family traditionally provided the kannagi sacrifices, and that the Minamoto clan enforced this.

That's new. We knew the Minamotos were exorcists, but not their history in the Town. Now we know that the whole screwed up history of the place, including the regular human sacrifices - the clan's in this up to their necks. And it's entirely possible, even probable, that Teru knows more than a little of the history involved. It would certainly explain his attitude toward Kou 'playing the hero'; if Teru knows any of this, then he knows 'heros' are not what the Minamoto clan are.

Likewise, we know a few more things about the Akane family. We know, with reasonable certainty, that all those wraiths in the pit that Nene met - they were probably all Akanes. We know that the last Akane sacrifice took place long-enough ago that Aoi knew nothing about it, too, or that she was her generation's kannagi. (Which probably means that the last one, that poor guy they dressed in drag and threw in the pit, was at least a sibling of Aoi's great grandmother or something; she'd probably have heard about it if the sacrifices had continued into her grandmother's day.) We know that the Akane family as a whole regarded this as their duty, enough so that they eventually just handed Sumire over as a young child so as to hopefully avoid incurring her resentment later.

It's useful to know that enough people in the village hated this practice of sacrifice that Six had contingency instructions for if anyone tried to help the unfortunate chosen to escape their fate, but not enough people were against it to keep the Akane family from running out of daughters.

We'll undoubtedly learn more about how Six came to have Sumire as his yorishiro, and how he came to be Wonder Number Six, next month. (Personally, I love looking forward to that.) But in the meantime...

1) The boundary is supposed to collapse, it isn't collapsing, and Teru's party aren't responsible. This kinda leaves Hanako as the prime suspect - my guess being that he doesn't want the boundary to collapse while Nene is still in it. Alternatively, what's keeping the boundary from collapsing fully is the presence of living humans still in it...in which case it's Nene's fault. Aoi currently ranks as 'dead', and Six put the three boys on the brink of death.

2) Everyone currently freaking out about the state of the Minamoto party should probably relax. Hanako pointed out quite early on in the series that no one can die in a boundary. There's therefore still plenty of time for the Minamotos and Akane to be healed; right now they're honestly just incapacitated. Whether they're healed, or cast back into the mortal world to die, remains to be seen.

3) Sumire was not sacrificed. Six wants to get Aoi to the Far Shore, because then the sacrifice will stick. Sumire was not in the Far Shore...which means that in Sumire's case, the sacrifice did not stick...unless someone else was thrown in. Sumire not being sacrificed means Six, at some point, disobeyed.

My thoughts on the future (for what they're worth)

1) The story isn't likely to end here, but we're definitely seeing a huge shakeup. If Aoi is sacrificed, Nene lives. If she's the reason the boundary hasn't collapsed (as a living person), then Six is going to hunt her down. (Alternatively it's Hanako, but as they're together, Six is still going to hunt them down.)

2) It's entirely possible that we're seeing preparations to shift the entire story's setting into the spirit world; Nene will go with Hanako regardless of whether she lives or dies (or at least, she'll try to), but the others kinda would've needed a reason and now they may well have one.

#toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk analysis

[fific7]

Dangerous and Divine - Part 2

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s mainly fluff & lemon zest 🍋 The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: Some drinking and swearing. Billy could possibly be borderline DUI* on way home.

*Please Don’t Drink & 🚙 ...you don’t want to end up needing 🚑 🚓 🚒 for you or other people.

(My GIF)

You raised an eyebrow, unsmiling, “What’s the price?”

“Come for a drink with me.... but not here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

Laughing quietly, you climbed into the Rolls Royce Wraith, Billy closing the door for you before walking round to the driver’s side. He smiled back, looking across at you as he clipped on his seatbelt, “Somethin’ amusing you?”

“Well here we are, two CEO’s if you will, and this is your ride. Wanna know what mine is?” He nodded, “Yeah, tell me.” “The subway, or these two pretty feet.” He laughed, “Usedta be mine too.”

The car’s engine purred into life and he swung it quickly out of the parking space, heading towards the exit of the underground car park.

“So,” you glanced across at his profile, “where are we heading?” “Not far,” he said, “a neighbourhood bar I hang out at. It’s relaxed, not too busy.”

Shortly after that, he parked the sleek car on the street and the two of you headed into a small bar with low lighting, background music and not too many people in it. The bartender mock-saluted Billy as he stepped inside, and there was a whisky on the bar by the time you two got there.

Billy looked sidelong at you as you perched yourself onto a barstool, “What would you like to drink, sweetheart?” You gave him a ‘Look’, saying, “Sweetheart?”

He smirked, shrugging, “Hey! you are my fake girlfriend, after all.” “Ha ha, okay - you get a pass this time, big boy.” This time he drawled out your name, continuing, “You’ve been lookin’!” leaning back slightly and gesturing at his zip area. You lightly punched his arm, “Referring to your height, smartass!”

Internally, you were cringing a bit. The sensible side of your brain asked you what you thought you were doing, leaving the cocktail party with a complete stranger, and flirting all over him. The devilish part of your brain answered, ‘Living a little! Flirting with a handsome guy! Stop being such a mood killer!’

“I’ll have a mojito for a change, if you don’t mind,” you said. “Coming right up,” said the bartender, who, you realised, had been listening in to your exchange with Billy.

Once your drink was served, Billy gestured to a table and as you walked over to it, you felt a hand placing itself lightly on your lower back. Confident big devil, you thought, sitting down and watching him fold his tall frame onto the fairly small chair, then sliding his long legs under the table.

Spending the next couple of hours with Billy had actually been enjoyable, you thought, as you listened to him telling you some more about his friends Frank and Curtis. He’d told you about serving in the Marines and setting up Anvil once he’d left. You got the feeling that he’d only scratched the surface about it, though.

You’d only just met of course, however you found yourself wanting to know more about the tall ex-Marine.

And you hadn’t told him everything about yourself either. He now knew you were in the catering industry, but you’d skirted round telling him the details about your two cafes, you weren’t sure why. Maybe you wanted to retain a bit of mystery, you thought, mildly annoyed at yourself for feeling the need to do so.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

He had asked you why you’d owed your cousin a favour. So you found yourself telling him all about it, and he’d barked out a huge laugh when you’d mentioned ‘possibly’ assaulting your ex and the girl he’d been with. And another one, when you confessed you’d been taken into police custody.

“I’m drinkin’ with a criminal?!” he’d grinned, “Oh, I think I should be leaving right now.” You’d slapped him on the arm, “Shut up, you. It was in self-defence.” He raised his eyebrows nearly up into his hairline, “And how do you make that out?” “My eyes were attacked by what they saw!” you protested, and both of you started laughing at that.

“So he’s an ‘ex’ now, is he?” he asked, taking a sip of his beer, which he’d switched to after one whisky. “You bet your life he is! No man treats me like that,” you shook your head, sinking some of your own beer, which you’d joined him in drinking. His dark eyes found yours, “What would you’ve done if you’d found him actually fucking her?”

Your eyes went wide, “Oh, that’s an easy question, Mr Russo. I’d’ve chopped off some of his lower extremities, of course!”

His screwed his eyes up in mock pain, “Woahhh!!! Brutal.” You shrugged, “Well, you asked.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Back to the car soon after that, then heading to your apartment after Billy offered to drop you off.

That was after he’d asked if you’d wanted to continue the evening at his place. You’d politely replied ‘thanks but no thanks’ or words to that effect. He’d accepted your answer gracefully, so here you were. Truthfully you’d thought about saying yes - he was really hot, and the two of you had been flirting all evening - but you decided you didn’t want to go down the one-night-stand road with him.

You got the feeling that Billy probably indulged in a lot of those. You’d felt some female eyes boring into the back of your head while you were in the bar, and had turned round to find at least three women staring at you as if they wanted you to spontaneously combust.

And you were better than that, you thought, deserved more than one night of sex (never mind how good you were sure it would be) and a walk of shame in the morning.

The car drew up outside your apartment block, and Billy switched off the engine before releasing his seat belt. You looked over at him, smiling, “Why’d you unbuckle, Billy? You’re not coming in,” smiling even wider at him. He smirked, “You sure about that...?” running his long fingers along your arm. You nodded, “Absolutely sure.” He sighed, “Well, I’ve been tryin’ all evening and got nowhere.. so I’ll need to make do with this...” and his mouth was on yours in an instant.

His hand slid up to the nape of your neck and into your hair, pulling you closer to him at the same time. Your hands landed on his chest, subtly stroking his toned muscles. Wanting to deepen the kiss, he sneakily nipped at your bottom lip, his tongue making its way into your mouth as soon as you opened it slightly in surprise. But you weren’t complaining.

Eventually you both had to come up for air, and eyes still closed, you felt his fingers gently running over your cheek, then heard him say your name, voice low and husky. “I wanna see you again.”

You took a breath, before nodding. “Okay, Billy. Call me.” You’d decided to put the ball in Casanova’s court.

He smiled, “You haven’t given me your number. Tryin’ to ditch me?” You dug out one of your business cards from your wallet, and handed it over. It just had your numbers and registered company name on it. “There you go. Let’s just see if you call,” you smirked, “I bet you’re one of these ’treat em mean’ types, aren’t ya Billy?” He started laughing, shaking his head, “Nah, not me,” leaning in and kissing you briefly again.

“I will call you, that’s a promise,” he said as you opened the car door and got out. You smiled back at him, “I believe you, thousands wouldn’t. Night, Billy.”

“Sleep well, sweetheart,” you heard, then in a lower tone, “I’ll be lyin’ awake thinking of what I’m missing out on.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The next morning arrived too soon. You’d dragged yourself up to jump into the shower, which did its job of fully waking you up, so you managed to arrive at your office with at least a bit of a spring in your step.

Your office was above your first café in Chelsea, near the Market. It wasn’t huge, but it was well-equipped and decorated exactly as you liked it. It had a large picture window which let in lots of natural light, and had a view towards 14th Street Park and the Hudson. Entry was via the café, so you made your way through, calling out a ‘buon giorno’ to your three co-workers.

None of you were actually Italian, but it had become a tradition and one of those silly in-jokes between co-workers. Which of course no-one else would find amusing in the slightest but it made sense to you guys, as your café/patisseries were named after Italian cities, and because Italians don’t generally call cafés, cafés ...you had Bar Venezia and Bar Firenze. Clichéd? Oh yes. Did you care? Not in the slightest.

You were incredibly proud of your business and your team. The hard scrabble to get the financing together had been really stressful, but it had all come together in the end with the bank and the investors and now, here you were, captain of your own ship, so to speak.

The two cafés had similar decor, simple but elegant, based on cafés you’d visited in various countries across the world. The second café was not too far away in Greenwich Village. They gave out a nice relaxed vibe just as you’d aimed for and you felt blessed - business was good. You had a good mix of regulars and passing trade, and you’d nodded and smiled at a couple of those regular customers as you’d made your way through.

The morning phone call for a catch-up with your other site made, you were now currently reviewing a whole stack of statistics, and they were beginning to swim in front of your eyes. So you weren’t upset when the internal phone rang, and Jake, your right-hand man, told you that you had a visitor who wouldn’t give his name. “What?” you said, “is he selling something?”

“I don’t think so,” said Jake in a very low voice, so you guessed that Mystery Man was standing somewhere near him. You sighed, “Oh, I’ll be right down.” Anything to get away from the stats for a while, and you quite looked forward to ripping him a new one if he was trying to sell you something.

The first person you spotted as you came through the internal door to the café was Billy Russo. You should’ve guessed, really. He was resplendent in yet another expensive suit, hair perfect, jawline with its beard as sharp as you remembered it. His eyes were locked on you, gleaming with mischief as he anticipated your reaction to his unannounced appearance in your domain.

You came to a halt in front of him, then glanced at Jake as he stood watching you a little nervously. “Thanks Jake, it’s fine, I know him. Could you be an absolute gem and get me a double macchiato, an Americano and a small selection of the pastries, please?” Jake nodded, “Sí, subito.”

You indicated for Billy to follow you to a table at the far end of the bar, tucked away beside the exposed brick wall and near the window, out of earshot of the staff and patrons. You both sat, Billy saying, “Good morning, sweetheart,” as he did. “And good morning to you, Stalker Boy.” Billy grinned, leaning towards you and almost whispering, “That’s so cute, givin’ me a nickname already and I haven’t even got you in my bed yet.” You rolled your eyes heavenwards, sighing out, “Billy! This is my workplace.”

He smiled, “And very impressive it is too, I love it. You have exquisite taste.” “Yes, I know,” you smiled back, “thanks for confirming that.” Now he laughed, and you tried not to stare too much, thinking how good he looked when he did. Jake came over with your coffees and pastries, and you smiled fondly at him as he put them down on the table. “Grazie mille, caro,” you thanked him.

Billy frowned slightly, “Very friendly, huh... you & him, then?” You smirked, “Jealous, Mr Russo?” He scoffed as he picked up a couple of sugar packs and shook them, before pouring them into his coffee. “Just nosy, that’s all.” “Jake is the first person I hired, and he’s just the best. But me and him? No... he likes men. Want me to set you up?” He put his head back and laughed. “No... but thanks for offering. I’m busy over here tryin’ to set myself up with you, in case you hadn’t noticed.” You shook your head, laughing while looking down at the table. This guy is relentless, you thought with a little shiver of undeniable excitement.

He picked up one of the little freshly-baked pastries and bit into it, an appreciative expression on his face as he chewed it. “How’d you manage to guess how I like my coffee?” he carried on. “It’s my business to know my customers,” you shrugged, “and looking at you, Billy Russo, you just scream black watered-down espresso to me, especially having been in the Marines and all,” you grinned. He smirked back at you, “Yeah, well, you nailed it - much as I hate to admit it. And going back to the nicknames thing, you should really call me Sniper Boy.”

“Wow, really?” you replied, eyes wide. Yeah, you’d felt a dangerous vibe coming off Billy and now you knew why. Nodding, he took another bite of his pastry and said round it, “Haven’t you googled me yet, then? I googled you.” “Hey, you’re going to be Stalker Sniper Boy now. And no, I didn’t have time.”

“You’re not doing anything for my ego, you know.”

“That’s not my job,” you shrugged again.

“You’re givin’ me such a hard time, here,” his dark eyes staring into yours, and you felt yourself almost drowning in them. “I’d just like to take you to dinner, that’s all. Friday night, 8pm? I’ll pick you up at your place.”

And while your head screamed ‘Say no!’ at you, your treacherous mouth opened up and said, “Yes, fine. 8 pm and don’t be late.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You’d walked him to the door when he said he’d better get going. As you reached it, long fingers quickly made their way to the back of your neck, pulling your head towards his and simultaneously, his lips met yours in a long kiss. You tried to pull away from him but he had you in a vice-like grip, and took his own sweet time before breaking away. He placed a second chaste kiss on your cheek and started towards the door, “See you Friday,” in a low voice, paired with a smouldering look at you as he left.

Jake, your two other co-workers Gabrielle and Steve, and your regulars were unsurprisingly all staring at you with blatant and avid interest. Your ex had very rarely visited you at work and when he had, you’d never indulged in PDA’s. You could feel the hot blush on your face as you tried to look nonchalant about the whole thing.

“Nothing to see here,” you muttered and scooted across the café as quickly as you could, heading for the sanctuary of your office.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

#ben barnes #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfiction #billy russo

[petrichoravellichor]

Title: A New Kind of Life

Wordcount: ~10k

Rating: T

Summary: What if, when Sam and Dean break into the Empty, Cas isn’t the only one they save? A post-15x19 fix-it fic in which Crowley gets a second shot at the redemption (and family) he deserves.

(Read on Ao3)

********************

Chapter 1 (of 5) (Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Chs. 4 & 5)

“Crowley! Wake up, you son of a bitch, wake up!”

Crowley opens his eyes to Dean shaking him hard by the shoulders. Which is strange: the last thing Crowley remembers, he was dying, alone and forgotten in a parallel universe.

He isn’t there anymore. Instead, Dean is kneeling over him in a dome of golden light beyond which everything is dark, and for a brief, absurd moment he’ll chastise himself for later, Crowley thinks he’s somehow ended up in Heaven.

Then he glances past Dean and sees Sam with an exhausted-looking Castiel slumped against him; next to them is a younger man Crowley doesn’t recognize, but his eyes are molten gold, the same color as the dome surrounding them all. The amount of raw power emanating from the golden-eyed man makes every one of Crowley’s hairs stand on end, and not in a good way.

No, definitely not his idea of Heaven.

Crowley snaps his gaze back to Dean. “What—” he begins, but Dean cuts him off, hauling him to his feet.

“No time for questions!” Dean yells, and it’s only then that Crowley registers the roar coming from beyond the dome: it’s as though they’re standing in the eye of a hurricane as all around them things blow apart. “Come on, we gotta go!”

And then they’re all running, the dome of light moving with them like a shield as wispy black wraiths crash and burn against its perimeter and somewhere unseen, a hideous voice howls in rage.

*****

Once they’re safely back in the Bunker war room, Dean takes hold of Castiel and, along with the golden-eyed man—whose irises have faded to a soft, concerned blue—ushers him off in the direction of the infirmary, promising gruffly as he goes that he and Crowley will talk later.

Patience, however, is a virtue, and Crowley isn’t feeling particularly virtuous—especially not after seeing how tenderly Dean and Castiel looked at each other as Dean wrapped an arm around the angel’s waist and led him from the room. The sight had left a bitter taste in Crowley’s mouth, one he does his best to ignore. There will be time for that later; right now, he needs answers, and he’s not waiting on Dean in order to get them.

He crosses his arms and fixes Sam with an expectant glare. “All right, Moose,” he says, "out with it: what in God’s name is going on?”

Sam snorts, looking tired. “Um, yeah, about that...” He gestures towards the map table, then heads over to the liquor cabinet. “You...might wanna sit down.”

Crowley arches a brow, but he does as Sam suggests. Sam joins him a moment later and, after pouring them each a drink, spends the better part of the next hour telling Crowley all that’s transpired in the three years—three years—Crowley’s been dead.

Which is, it turns out, rather a lot.

Lucifer’s spawn survived his birth and is none other than the golden-eyed man Crowley saw when he woke up; his name is Jack, and for all intents and purposes, he considers Castiel to be his father.

An alternate version of Michael got a hold of Dean for a while, until Jack killed Michael at the cost of his soul, then, in a soulless rage, killed Mary.

God killed Jack. All Hell broke loose. Rowena, who’d apparently survived Lucifer’s last attempt to kill her, died to fix it and was now Queen of Hell.

Billie brought Jack back to kill God. Dean tried to kill Billie, so Billie tried to kill him. Castiel managed to take Billie out by admitting his love for Dean, at which point the Empty took Castiel—

Of course, thinks Crowley, the bitter taste in his mouth returning with a vengeance. Of. Bloody. Course...

The brothers had stormed the Empty not for him, but for Castiel. Good, noble, righteous Castiel, the wayward Angel of Thursday who’s been hopelessly in love with Dean for longer than Crowley has known him...and whom, it seems, Dean has finally admitted to loving back. Sam and Dean had saved Castiel because they loved him, because Dean loved him, but Crowley...They’d probably only rescued him because they’d figured they owed him for saving their denim-clad arses that day at the lake.

Now, as Crowley half-listens to Sam talk about defeating God, he glowers down at the map table and wishes they hadn’t bothered bringing him back at all, because it’s one thing to die unloved; it’s another to have to live that way. Crowley’s done both, and he knows which he prefers. At least in the Empty, he’d been at peace.

“Crowley? Hey, you okay?”

He looks up to see Sam regarding him from under a furrowed brow. Bollocks...

“Naturally,” Crowley says, leaning back in his chair with a dismissive smile. “That’s quite a tale, Moose. It sounds like you and Squirrel have outdone yourselves these past few years, even managed to pull one over on God; bravo. I’m sure Lucifer’s spawn will make a spectacular replacement: he is, after all, three.”

Sam’s eyes harden. “Jack’s nothing like Lucifer; he’s good, and he’s got us to help him, and Amara—”

“Oh, Amara! Now there’s a recipe for success if I’ve ever heard one: God’s evil sister and her Satanic great-nephew with billions of raw souls at their disposal. How could that possibly go wrong?” Crowley scoffs, shaking his head. “Honestly, there’s just no learning with you lot, is there? You just keep humming the same damn tune, then acting surprised when the notes turn sour, and it never even occurs to you to pick. A new. Bloody. Song.”

The frown on Sam’s face intensifies. “This is different. Jack, Amara, they’re on our side, and now that Rowena’s in charge of Hell—”

Crowley snorts. “Right. Care to wager on how long that lasts?” Then, at the look of sudden wariness on Sam’s face, he rolls his eyes. “Calm down, Moose; that wasn’t me plotting a coup. I have no plans to try and take back the crown.”

“You don’t?”

“Why on earth would I?” Crowley takes a sip of brandy, grimacing slightly at the flavor—for all the changes the past few years have wrought, the Winchesters’ abominable taste in liquor remains tragically consistent. “Perhaps you’ve forgotten, but I hated Hell as much as the blasted place hated me. If Mother thinks she can do better, she can have it.”

They sit without speaking for a moment; then Sam clears his throat. “You know,” he says quietly, “Rowena regrets how things ended between the two of you.”

Crowley stiffens, a stab of anger piercing his gut. “No, she doesn’t.”

“She does,” Sam insists, and how anyone can look so stupidly earnest is beyond Crowley’s ability to comprehend. “She told us so.”

Crowley scoffs. “And you believed her?” he demands, left hand closing into a fist at his side. “You know, for the longest time, I thought you were the smart one.”

Sam sighs. “Crowley...Look, I’m not saying Rowena’s perfect—”

“She’s quite literally the Queen of Hell, Moose.” Crowley manages to keep his voice level, but his fingernails are digging into his palm. “I’d say that’s about as far from perfect as anyone can get.”

“—but I think you two should talk.”

Crowley’s hand starts to bleed.

“I mean it,” continues Sam, when Crowley says nothing. “When I was a kid, my dad...he wasn’t there the way he should’ve been, and we fought a lot, and there were times I felt like I hated him, but when he died...”

A multitude of emotions flicker across Sam’s face in rapid succession, too fast for Crowley to name them all, but the final one, the one Sam looks back at him with, is regret. “When he died,” Sam continues, “I didn’t care about any of that. And maybe I should have. I know I should have. Believe me, I tried. But I just...kept coming back to the fact that what I was feeling, the good and the bad, I’d never get to actually say it to him, and if he was somehow sorry for the bad, that was something I’d never get to hear.”

Crowley’s anger flares white hot; his hidden palm is slick with blood. “If you have a point,” he growls, “I’d encourage you to come out with it.”

“My point,” says Sam, curtly, “is that you actually have a chance at some closure, and I think you should take it. For your own sake.”

Crowley clenches his jaw, looks away. “For my own sake,” he echoes, softly. As if his and Sam’s pain is the same. As if Rowena is capable of causing anything but. “Tell me, Moose: since when do you or your imbecile of a brother actually give a damn about my own sake?”

He raises his gaze to stare coldly at Sam who, for the first time since they sat down, seems at a genuine loss for words. Crowley snaps his glass down on the table and stands. “Thought as much.”

He shoves his hands in his coat pockets and turns to go—where, exactly, he has no idea—only to nearly crash headlong into Dean, and suddenly, Crowley’s anger turns to outright fury, because at the end of the day, it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter that Crowley had gone up against Hell and his mother and even his own better judgment for Dean more times than he could count.

It didn’t matter that the two of them had shared a bed when Dean was a demon, doing extraordinary things to triplets that Crowley would have kicked out in a heartbeat if he’d thought he could get away with it.

It didn’t matter that Crowley had sacrificed his life to save Dean and Sam and the whole bloody world.

None of it mattered, because for all the times Crowley had chosen Dean, Dean had never once chosen him. Then again, Crowley thinks, maybe it’s his own fault for expecting any different, his due comeuppance for stupidly believing he deserved to be loved. It doesn’t matter; he knows better now.

“Hello, Dean,” he snarls. “Come to look in on me now that you’ve seen to your angel? Well you needn’t have bothered; I was just leaving.”

Dean frowns, crossing his arms. “The hell do you mean, you’re leaving?”

“I mean get out of my way.”

“No.”

“And why not?” Crowley demands, voice rising. “Am I your prisoner? I’ve already told your oaf of a brother that I’ve no interest in causing any sort of trouble in Hell, so if that’s what this is about, then you can just—”

“Damn it, Crowley,” snaps Dean, “no, that’s not what this is about; it’s about where are you even gonna go. You got a place somewhere we don’t know about?”

“I’ll find one.”

“Or,” Dean counters, “you could cut the crap and just stay here.”

That catches Crowley off guard, but only for a moment; he gives Dean a hard look, determined not to let the surprise show on his face. “And why on earth would I want to do that?”

“Because you know it’s the smart thing to do,” says Dean, face impassive, “and last I checked, you were an asshole, not an idiot.”

And it’s not that Crowley doesn't know full well that running off half-cocked into a world whose dynamics have fundamentally changed is naive at best and suicidal at worst—that isn’t what makes him nearly scream in rage, because he knows it’s patently true. No, the infuriating thing, the truly mortifying thing, is that Dean knows him well enough to know that he knows it, and that if Crowley does leave, he’s only going to prove Dean right.

The thought is more than Crowley can bear; still, if he doesn’t get out of this room right now, he’s going to start shouting—at Dean, at himself, at everything. There are other, less crowded places in this godforsaken Bunker, and it’s past time he went and found one. He’s not going to give Dean the satisfaction of watching him break.

Crowley pulls his fury tight and close, stepping forward into Dean’s space and glaring up at him with every bit of defiance he can muster. “Funny,” he sneers, “because last I checked, you were both.”

And he vanishes before Dean can respond.

*****

Crowley finds an unoccupied room at the far end of the hall and decides to claim it as his own for the time being. He bolts the door and turns to collapse onto the bed...only to freeze dead in his tracks.

His mother is standing in the corner. As Crowley gapes, Rowena takes a step forward, face pale and incredulous. “Fergus?” she whispers. “Gods, is it really you?”

Her voice snaps Crowley out of his shock, and he narrows his eyes. “Mother,” he growls, the word like poison in his mouth. “What do you want?”

“Sam told me they were going to try and get you back,” Rowena says softly, eyes roving over Crowley’s face as though seeing him for the first time, “and I wanted...I needed to see if they’d done it, if you were all right.”

Crowley glares, making a mental note to have a word with Sam about this particular indiscretion. “Well, you’ve seen me. Now get out.”

Rowena recoils, and if Crowley didn’t know any better, he’d swear his words actually hurt her. “You’re angry,” she says. “You’re angry, and you’ve every right to be, but if you’d just let me explain—”

“Explain what?” Crowley snaps. He clenches both hands into fists, ignoring the burn in his left palm. “What could you possibly have to say to me that I’d want to hear? You hate me, remember?”

“I love you—”

Crowley barks out a laugh. “Really? Have you forgotten the last time we saw each other? You left on a bus after you sent my son to his death, all because you wanted to watch me ‘suffer the loss of a child’, of my child!” He stumbles towards her, half-blind with rage. “Tell me, Mother: did losing me bring you any suffering, or were you just sad you weren’t there to collect three pigs in exchange?”

Rowena looks as though she’s been slapped. “Of course I suffered! Do you have any idea what I went through trying to get you back? I faced Death herself; I begged her to return you to me, but she wouldn’t do it! Ask Sam, ask Dean!”

“They’ve already told me,” Crowley grinds out. “It doesn’t matter.”

“How can you say that?” Rowena is crying now, tears rolling freely down her face. “Of course it matters! I did it because I missed you, because I love you!”

“You’ve never loved me a day in your life.”

“That isn’t true! I did love you; I do!” Rowena takes another step forward and reaches out a hand. “If you could just find it in your heart to forgive me—”

“Forgive you?” Crowley snarls, and it’s all he can do not to spit in her face. “You don’t get to ask for my forgiveness, not after any one thing you’ve put me through, not after everything! What was it you said to me that day at the bus station, your parting words? ‘Who better than me to crush your shriveled heart’? At least I had a heart, once; you never did.”

“Fergus—”

And Crowley explodes. “GET OUT!” he screams, seizing the lamp off the bedside table and hurling it at his mother with all his might...only to watch as it flies right through her and crashes into the wall.

And then Rowena’s gone, just like she always is, and Crowley’s alone, just like he always is. He stands in the middle of the room and stares hollowly into empty space. “Astral projection,” he says, quietly; it always had been one of his mother’s favorite tricks. “Of course.”

He spends the rest of the night warding the room as many ways as he knows how, determined not to let his mother or anyone else get the drop on him again.

#crowley #spn crowley #fergus macleod #crowley macleod #crowley fic #spn #supernatural #supernatural fix-it fic #spn fix-it fic #fanfiction #a new kind of life #my writing #here we gooooo!!!

[joyfulsongbird]

i would come for you

the six of crows kanej fic that I wrote a long time ago and don't remember coming up with or writing at all!! but it's where Inej actually gets one of her legs broken when she's kidnapped at the beginning of crooked kingdom and ALLLL of the angst that follows when kaz gets her back. the aftermath... it's about the Angst(TM) ok??? enjoy!

(literally pls ignore any typos I am not rereading this before posting it LMAO)

ao3 link if that's what you prefer!!!

**

INEJ

Inej knew pain well. It was something she was intimately familiar with, a long time friend.

She had found comfort at times, in a world where cold numbness was a few steps too close to death, a sharp pain was a welcome reminder of life. She’d never desired it, of course not, but there was something oddly soothing about waking and realizing that you were wholly alive. She could push through almost anything, if she pushed herself far enough, if she distanced herself from the pain enough. It was a skillset she had mastered long ago and it had served her well in this new life she had carved. She knew pain, as her scars could attest to, as her wariness could speak to, but this was different.

This was not the welcome type of pain.

She was alive. She knew that for sure. But pain usually was not usually accompanied by this deep and penetrating sorrow.

She laid on her back in this same dark room, minutes blurring into hours as she fought the urge to scream; to cry, to do something, anything. The pain in her leg was all consuming, and the knowledge that her future was destroyed did not help. It was just the one- just her right- that had been damaged. She tried to push the memories from hours earlier out of her mind, already the fear was dulling the edges of this memory. The way the terror caused it to fade in and out of her mind was the only welcome factor at the moment. All she knew at the moment was terror and pain. Through these two things, she tried to think. But she had already exhausted herself of any sort of plan. How was she supposed to escape with a bad leg? The answer was that she could not. Van Eck had said he was being merciful. Merciful. She’d wanted to tear his tongue right out of his mouth as he had said that. The other one tomorrow then, he had said, when it was done. She wasn’t quite ashamed, but she was close. Her voice had been so weak sounding, she wished more than much that she could have taken it, could have gone through that ordeal with tight lips and a steely expression. In the end, she was just a girl. A girl who had everything already taken from her and was somehow losing more.

So she simply laid on her back in the dark, praying to all of her Saints that… well, she didn’t know. What could she even pray for anymore? For Kaz to come for her? If he did at all- which she highly doubted- when he saw her state, wasn’t it more likely he would turn on his heel rather than risk anything for a broken spider? And what else was there to do but hope that something changed? She could lie here and hope she died in the dark but no, she didn’t truly want that. She wanted to escape the pain but not like that. There was so much she had left to do, and even if her foundation was crumbling beneath her, she still had her mind. She still had her voice. It was all she could ask for, maybe she should lower that expectation as well… nevertheless, she still had a few more fights left in her. Even if it didn’t feel like it, she still had life left to live.

The next night came. She prepared herself for the worst, for a repetition of the night before, for death itself. But no. Kaz was coming. Kaz for coming for her.

She laughed. She did not know why. If she was asked, it would be impossible to discern the reason. Maybe it was because she was drunk on pain, on her terror. Maybe it was because she knew Kaz would have no use for her after he found out she was damaged beyond repair. She was not finding humor in anything, but she laughed anyways. This was the nightmare of nightmares, and she was never going to wake up.

Noon tomorrow.

She counted the hours, the minutes, the seconds. Again, the reason she did not know. It only drew out her agony. But she wanted to see them again, wanted to see him again, even if she never did after. Perhaps she wouldn’t be blind folded at the bridge, what was she going to do? Run? They had already done what she didn’t dare fear would happen to her, she could not run, she could not slip away from them like she might have a few days ago. Things were different now and all she wanted was to see Kaz, to have one last image of him in her mind that she could hold onto. And perhaps it would be cold, it would be cruel as he often was, but she didn’t care. That would be enough for now. That would be enough of a goodbye; the closure that she desired. She was no longer an investment with anything to back it, she wasn’t worth anything anymore. Per Haskell would throw her out, Kaz would turn his back on her, and she would be alone again. In debt and desperate, again.

She closed her eyes against the dark, tightly. She was determined not to cry, not to show any more weakness than she already had. So when Van Eck’s men came again (a little earlier than noon she assumed), she steeled herself. Two men held her tightly between them, making it so that she was slightly elevated. She did not want to be carried, at least this gave her some false sense of autonomy.

“Shackle her arms.” Van Eck was turned away from her. She nearly spat at his feet right then.

“Sir, I don’t think-” one of the guards holding her began. She did not recognize him.

“Just do it.” Van Eck snapped. “Today will not be the day I underestimate one of Brekkers.”

She almost smiled then. At least she still brought him a little worry, at least she still held some power. Inej held onto that feeling as she was moved, shoved around and into the back of some carriage. The pain was the most intense she’d ever felt, the bones in her ankle and calf were ruined. Van Eck had been very deliberate in what he had wanted done to her. Make it so that she could not scale walls anymore, make it so that it caused her pain with every step. He had not cared about her excuses about Kaz after hours of thought.

“He will come,” he had said while leaning over her. “I know he will. And I think you know he will, too.”

She hadn’t, not truly. But when she’d heard that he was coming, that he was there, something in her twinged with relief. Perhaps it was selfish, to want to be saved when she had no use for him anymore, but she found herself being relieved that she was wrong. Who could blame her? She was preparing for the worst in every single scenario, and Kaz not turning up really wasn’t very high on the list of “worst things”. It was a lot closer to reality, and it hurt to acknowledge that, but at least it had been something she was mentally prepared for. This hope she felt fluttering in her chest was a little too powerful for this darkness she was shrouded in, she wanted to let it go. Let it fly away so that she wouldn’t be crushed by disappointment when another terrible thing inevitably came around, but she couldn’t seem to lessen her hold on it.

She was a little too relieved when they did not blindfold her, instead pulled a hood over her head, concealing her face in a shadow. She kept her chin down, forced there by the two guards holding her. No one would be able to see her face but she knew that the rest of the Dregs would easily be able to pull her out of the small crowd they had. She didn’t exactly blend in, the small, black clad girl being held as tightly as a death row prisoner. She kept trying to glance up but couldn’t make anything out, she saw a few pairs of shoes in front of her, but the moment she tried to lift her head, one of the guards jostled her. Causing pain to go up her leg, she put her head back down. She could faintly make out the sound of voices, muffled by the distance and her own pounding head. She was being hit by all of the human necessities she had been neglecting, her hunger gnawed at her stomach, her throat was so dry, and the pain amplified every single movement.

She hadn’t been ready when they dropped her to her feet, her weight dropping onto her injured leg the same way it wouldn’t any other day where she was not injured. It was horrifying, the way she crumbled. She dropped to her knees, which only caused the pain to worsen. She burned, everything burned; with humiliation, with sorrow, with pain. The Wraith didn’t fall, and when she did, she got right back up. She rolled with the motion, she lifted herself even when it seemed like there was no way to get up. But she wasn’t The Wraith anymore, she couldn’t be. It had been stripped from her the same way her identity had been stripped from her at the Menagerie. She was just a Suli girl, on her knees, struggling to her feet once again.

The silence was only interrupted by the soft swishing of water underneath the bridge, she bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood. No one moved, she didn’t even seem to breath, as she pushed herself to stand. This was her lowest, she knew. This was not how she wanted to meet Kaz’s eye, as she lifted her head, hood falling back. Her hands were shackled in the front, knives tucked into her jacket, but her legs were free. She wasn’t sure why, maybe to make her walk. Maybe Van Eck had only insisted on her arms so that everybody would watch her struggle to do the barest of tasks. It was humiliating and she felt her face burn along with every other part of her, but she kept her expression steely.

Kaz was looking at her, his expression also hard and concealing something underneath that she couldn’t discern. She wanted to be able to lift whatever veil separated them, hear his thoughts word for word. That was an impossibility, she knew, but it didn’t stop her from yearning to know what was going through his head at that very moment. Each step was an agony, flames licking at her chest, behind her eyes. But she forced herself to walk that 20-or-so feet to where Kaz stood, her injury was the most obvious thing about her at the moment. It was easy to act as if it was better than it actually was, though, she could pretend that she just had a simple limp. That she had sprained her ankle and it would heal within the weak. Inej was good at that, she would not show the world this kind of shame. That would come indoors, in the dark, when no one could see that she was broken. That would come later.

“Your knives?” was the first thing out of Kaz’s mouth. She was unsurprised.

“They’re packed inside my coat.” she replied, forcing the tremble to stay out of her voice. He cut the bonds that kept her arms in front of her, she rubbed her wrists absently, keeping all of her weight on her left leg. She caught Kaz’s look down at her right, trying to figure out what was off with it. He still had that cold expression on, she couldn’t possibly try to read it. Whatever plan he had had, it was screwed up now. She was dead weight, a factor which he hadn’t prepared for. She didn’t know what came next but she knew exactly what train of thought must be going through his head. What was he supposed to do with her?

Her vision was swimming, the pain in her leg was growing with every moment, she didn’t know how much longer she could hold on for. But she wouldn’t pass out now, not when she was so close to freedom. Or what she could reasonably call freedom at the moment. She would do what she had to do, doom herself to even worse than she already was, if it meant they all got out of there safely and in one piece.

And then, chaos erupted.

Everything whirled around her, she was vaguely aware of being moved again (the agony wasn’t easy to ignore) but the swirling of color and sounds of voices were overwhelming. Her senses were all over the place but she felt herself being slightly lifted and moved not so gently towards the wall that separated them and the water below. She heard Kaz’s gruff voice say something in her ear but she didn’t catch it. Then she was going over the ledge of the bridge, oh Saints what’s going on? But she wasn’t falling, she stayed suspended in midair for a moment. She looked up. Kaz was holding onto both of her wrists, his gloved fingers curled tightly so that she would not fall. She met his eyes, there was a message that she could understand. At least that was something. She glanced down, and below her was a flower boat, rowing down the river. She looked back up and gave Kaz a single, resolute nod. His expression was a little different now, as if he understood that dropping her from this height would cause her indescribable pain. Not quite apologetic but there was something like it there. This was something that she would have been able to do with ease a week ago, but now, she breathed in deeply through her nose and let go of Kaz before he could do the same for her.

She was the Wraith, she had to be, even just for one more single moment. The drop was quick, her heart dropped into her stomach, and before she knew it, she was hitting the boat. It was a small boat, and she didn’t have as much space to make her landing work the way she would’ve liked, but at least her muscle memory was still intact. She covered her head, tried to spread the impact as much as she could without spilling over the side of the boat.

She did not feel strong. She was broken, there was nothing more she could do but lie there. She had failed in every regard, she had lost her purpose, she had lost her title, her identity. And now, she would lose Kaz, she would lose the Dregs, and she would lose the dream of hunting slavers someday. Cruelest of cruelties.

Her vision faded in and out, she was not in her body. She was slipping into the dark, as she had done often before, a welcome comfort. She was disappearing into the shadows where the pain would be dulled and she would be soothed by the coolness of being all by her lonesome. And when she woke- she did not want to think about what would happen when she woke. Maybe for once she could move in the now, in the moment, instead of thinking of every step that was to come. Every jump she had to make, anticipating everything before it happened. She could simply settle and rest. Saints, she really wanted to rest.

She could not escape her demons however.

“Inej.” Kaz’s voice was enough to cause her to open her eyes slightly, everything slightly blurry. “Inej, you have to stay with me.”

Her mouth tasted like metal, she couldn’t form any words. Finally, she murmured, “I’m tired, Kaz.” because really, what else was there to say?

And it all went dark.

KAZ

He had known something was off the moment he had laid eyes on her. The way she held herself, the way the men around her held her. His Wraith was proud, she would not allow herself to be held tightly like that unless she needed it, desperately. He hadn’t anticipated her to fall however, he would’ve rushed forward to help her stand had 1. many very armed people had not been surrounding her and 2. he had expected the moment at all. Inej didn’t fall, it was something she prided herself on. She never stumbled, she never lost her footing. To see her on her knees like that tore something in his chest, a switch flipped and all he wanted to do was set Van Eck’s trousers alight and watch flames consume his body. She’s hurt. He suddenly wanted to go back on the deal, keep Alys to them, and spit at Van Eck’s feet, before remembering that having Inej come back unharmed was never part of the deal. He should’ve said something, he shouldn’t have let something as important as that fall into ambiguity.

It pained him to watch her fall, even if it wasn’t that far of a fall. He rushed as fast as he could to follow her onto the boat, doing his best to track the others’ movements before going after the flower boat. Panic started edging at his thoughts as he saw her there, sprawled and barely breathing. But breathing nonetheless. He considered shaking her awake, he considered splashing water on her, but instead, he went against every single one of his instincts and simply placed a gloved hand on her arm. He gripped her softly, if she was even semi awake he hoped this would communicate his presence well enough. It made him feel better, anyways, to have her there, physical proof just under his palm.

His entire plan had fallen apart the moment he saw her hit the cobblestone of the bridge, the foundation of his house of cards becoming flimsy. A simple breeze would be enough to cause it to crumble at the open. There was much he had to think on, futurewise, but at the moment, the most important thing was getting Inej somewhere safe and quiet. Which would be considerably more difficult now that she was incapacitated but he would get this simple task done. He would do her this much, at least. After failing her in this matter and so much more, he could do this.

So this was how he found himself in the basement of the closest safe house he owned: tired, heated with anger, and searching for a word that felt stronger than worry.

He’d set Inej down on a cot in the corner, her frame thinner than he remembered, her weight so much lighter than the last time he’d carried her. He leaned against the wall, his grip on his cane like iron. There was nothing strong enough to describe the thoughts in his mind, the feelings rising in his chest. He’d always been protective of Inej, it was something understood in the Barrel. You didn’t touch Kaz Brekker’s Wraith. Of course, if you did it was likely she would handle you before word even reached him, but it was understood. Inej could take care of herself but his protection meant there were very few people who would attempt to hurt her. Van Eck was one of those people who crossed that line, apparently, and Kaz was ready to march back up those stairs and force the man to face the consequences Dirtyhands was preparing for him.

There wasn’t anything he could do while he waited. Plot his enemies demise, yes, but other than be consumed by his own thoughts, he had nothing to occupy him while Inej slept. So he just sat against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest. He knew he must’ve looked a little ridiculous but he refused to leave, to do anything other than wait and know for sure that she was alright.

It was only an hour or so before she stirred, the rustling of the sheets deafening in the quiet of the dark room. He rose to his feet, taking several long strides to reach her bedside.

“Kaz?” she blinked up at him, eyes finally clear and expression less severe, if a little twisted from whatever pain she was experiencing. “What’s- where are we?”

“Somewhere safe.” he answered, crouching down to be at about her eye level. She tracked him, meeting his gaze evenly. “A safehouse. No one will find us here.”

She looked away, her eyes leaving his to stare up at the ceiling. “Did everyone get out?” “I think so.” he said. “It was more complicated than I expected, but everyone was prepared for worse than that.” She nodded softly, something he couldn’t quite understand in her expression. He watched carefully as she began pulling herself up into a sitting position, which she could do easily enough. That was a relief, nothing from the waist up was hurt enough to keep her lying in bed. The rest of her however…

“What did he do to you?” he couldn’t help himself, his anger was stronger than anything. His words were biting, every bit of disgust and fury he felt seeping into them. He tried to back off a bit, though, when he focused on the present again and saw her. She looked… well, she looked a few steps away from timid. Not quite there, Inej could never be timid, but she twisted her sleeve between her fingers, the gesture was enough to make Kaz believe there was something more weighing on her. He could sense it easily, Kaz was smart, he knew Inej, knew what was important to her. She was an acrobat and an acrobat was nothing without their legs to keep them steady. To have that pulled from her- no matter how temporary it was or wasn’t- must be incredibly difficult to manage mentally. He wanted to reach out, to place his hand on top of hers and stop her anxious twitching. Comfort her in some way.

He didn’t do that, though, he simply sat back on his heels and waited in the silence.

“He- uh-” she bit her bottom lip, fighting against a quiver at the edge of her voice. He didn’t say a word, he let her collect her words before speaking again.

“He broke my leg.” she said finally, her voice steady in a way that was easily discerned as fake. Her hand curled into a fist beside her, gripping tightly to the sheets she sat on. “He broke my leg, Kaz.”

He still didn’t know what to say. He supposed any other person in this moment would move to comfort her but he was not that person, he was not the right person for this moment. He should have the right words prepared, shouldn’t he? What had he wanted someone to tell him when he broke his own leg? He wasn’t sure. Their two situations were far too different from each other, in his mind, he couldn’t try and compare them. Saints, why couldn’t he just know what the right thing to do was? He was supposed to be self assured, confident, but when it came to things like this… yes, he was more than a little lost.

“It’ll get better,” he said finally. “Rest and a good medik. We’ll get-”

“That won’t-” she cut herself off, eyes looking off into the distance but the distance was really just the wall opposite the bed. “Not with something like this. Bed rest won’t put my bones back together. I won’t- it’s not going to ‘get better’.”

That silenced him, he pressed his lips together tightly. He had no rebuttal. He knew very little about medicine, so he couldn’t offer her any assurances in that regard. He wouldn’t be able to tell her one way or the other, so he just said nothing about that again.

“He made sure of it,” she went on, her voice weighed with hundreds of pounds of anger and grief. “He made sure it was broken in a way that would never be the same. It’ll never- I won’t ever be the same.”

“I…” he didn’t have the right words to console her. There wasn’t anything he could say that would bridge the gap between them, her anger and sorrow was warranted, and he was simply along for the ride. He had never been one for comforting words, it was never his forte. He simply let his presence speak for itself. If he cared enough to be there, that should be enough. He found many others didn’t agree with that, but to him, it was enough. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t waste his time. He had never wanted to be better at formulating comforts as much as right then. He wanted to reach across this divide between them he had cultivated with every cold shoulder and every moment of distance, but it was a divide he had created for a reason. He could not breach it now, he felt that it was too late. There was a time and place for everything, besides. The time and place for rocking the boat was not now, most definitely.

“You’ll be okay, Wraith.” it was the best he could come up with, which he knew was woefully insufficient. Worse than insufficient, in hindsight, it was one of the worst things that could’ve fallen from his mouth in that moment.

“Don’t you see, I can’t be your Wraith anymore, Kaz!” she burst out, turning to look at him with shining eyes and pain written on every part of her face.

His lips parted in understanding. It hadn’t gone over his head, the thought that this injury would keep her from wall climbing or jumping from rooftops. He just hadn’t stopped to think about (or maybe had avoided it altogether) how that would affect… whatever it was that held the two of them together. They were held together with a thin piece of thread, constantly having a fear looming over them that they would snap apart and be unable to put the pieces back together. That once the string broke, they would no longer fit together anymore. He couldn’t imagine doing any of this without her, even just the week she had been kidnapped by Van Eck had been a misery. What was he to do if she left the Dregs?

“I’m not a valuable investment anymore.” she bit out finally, her words cold. “You shouldn’t have come for me. You wouldn’t have, had you known.”

It was something he couldn’t stand to feel fall on his ears. His anger was stronger than anything else, at Van Eck for doing this to her, at himself for making her believe all of these things she said. He knew he had been the one to plant the seed of doubt in her mind from the very beginning. Every harshness, every time he turned away, he had made her believe she was nothing more than an investment that, when expired, could be easily tossed aside. He couldn’t let it stand, he wouldn’t. “I would come for you.” he said, this time without hesitation. It was something he had to say. He had to. And when she shot him a look filled to the brim with doubt, he said it again. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together — knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

There was a long stretch of silence and for a moment, he partially panicked. He might’ve said the wrong thing, might’ve upset her further. Since when did he care about the right or the wrong thing to say? He was Kaz Brekker, and he didn’t care what opinions others held for him and he never had. That was a lie, of course, one he told himself in the late hours of the night and every minute of the day when he couldn’t shake the feeling he got every time he looked at Inej. It was the biggest lie anyone had ever told him, and he was telling it to himself. He cared about her opinion, he cared about her opinion of him, and more than anything, he simply cared about her. Cut and dry. Simple as anything.

She didn’t reply, simply turned her head slightly to the side, a soft shadow obscuring any expression that might’ve broken through. She nodded after a minute, and that was the end of it for now. He stood, leaning against his weight against his cane. The walk from the river to this safe house had been difficult on him, he’d had to carry Inej and his cane in his arms, forcing each step. He would feel it tomorrow, most likely, but he did not regret it. He walked to the desk on the other side of the room, pulling out some crackers and a waterskin. He handed them to her in silence, watching as she tentatively bit into the cracker, chewing slowly. She was already small to begin with, looking at her and seeing so much less caused a little worry to nag at the back of his mind. He pushed it aside, she would be alright.

“Rest.” he said finally. “We’ll meet the others in a bit. For now, just rest.”

#six of crows #kaz brekker #inej gafha #kaz x inej #kanej #kanej fic #six of crows fic #six of crows fanfic #grishaverse #AAAAAND please let this be good I have not read in months I beliee #I legit don't remember writing this-

[buckysgoldenheart]

Hotel Room: August Walker x Reader

Summary: August, sick of you jumping from location to location trying to escape him, broke into your hotel room to interrogate you about you leaving him months earlier. 

Words: 2952

(First Person) (Both August x Y/N POVs)

**It is August, but in my head August isn’t evil, more just temporarily morally confused, so in this he’s an okay guy.**

Warnings/notes: angst, fluff, internal emotional thoughts (which always make me uncomfortable), mentions of sex. cursing somewhere.

****So the edit directly below was done by @eastwesthomeisbest for this story. I meant to add this to my story ages ago but something reminded me today, and i’m glad it did, because this edit made me so happy that I wanted to share it again. I love it so much! All of the edits made by @eastwesthomeisbest are freakin amazing!****

August POV

I would wait all night in this room if I had to, just to see her face and find the look I am horribly desperate to see in those eyes. The one I hope will reassure me of her feelings.

I want to believe that she can’t fool me; that I am as confident in her love as I seem to be, but she rules me in every way. If at any time, any single moment, anywhere, in front of the entire world, she told me to kneel before her, I would kneel like the begging puppy she doesn’t even know I am.

The silver knob of the door jiggles the slightest and a sudden fear bubbles up inside me that squashes my determined facade like a fly. What if she isn’t alone? What if she has some unworthy idiot she plans to take to her bed?

But no. Thank God.

Once on this side of the door, she closes it quietly behind her as if not to disturb anyone sleeping in the same hall and leans her forehead against the wood. She sighs, and I worry over that sound.

She doesn’t look up when she asks how long I have been in her room. She sighs again, and I worry again. I can feel her exhaustion from 10 feet away. It floats to me, hoping I might let some of the burden seep into me through my every pore just to relieve her. And if it were a physical possibility, I wouldn’t hesitate to take not just some of it, but all, until nothing weighed her down and she could straighten her spine for the first time in a while.

“Not long.” I say, pushing myself upright from my leaned position on the wall beside her.

She lifts her head and graces me with a glance. A tired glance, but something of a gift, nonetheless. “Get out. I’m in no mood.”

I cross my arms because they make my muscles bulge in a way that she could never resist. And I think that if that doesn’t get to her, well, at least it shows her I’m still strong, I’m still determined, despite how being around her always turns my brain to jelly. “I need to talk to you. That’s all I want.”

She would groan if she had the energy. I can tell by the way her lips thin when I say anything. “Then speak if you find it so absolutely necessary but make it quick, will you. And skip the part explaining how you found me again. I’m getting really tired of the whole ‘you’re not good at covering your tracks’ bit.”

I’m pushing her to the brink. She fakes nonchalance, but she’s irritated, at best. She’s the kind of irritated that has the ability to turn into something much worse over time, and I know if a baseball bat were nearby, mustering enough strength to beat me to a bloody pulp would not be as hard for her as I wish; but she has yet to kill me, so I say: “Fine. I am in love with you.”

She scoffs and puts her hands on her hips. My hips. They belong to me. They are for me to touch and grab and love. “So you have said, repeatedly. Is that it?”

“You are in love with me too, and I want you to come home.”

A beautiful, sarcastic chuckle sings in my ears. “Wow.”

“The truth is the truth.”

“I am not in love with you!”

“Yes, you are.”

She rolls her eyes, but all it does is lighten my heart. “You really are insane.”

“You love me. You do now, and you did when you somehow managed to pack up and leave in the middle of the night without me noticing. Which I still can’t figure out. Until that night, you couldn’t so much as shift in the bed beside me without me waking to make sure you were fine and safe.” I shake my head. I had replayed that night in my head too often for any sane man, and still couldn’t understand how she disappeared like a wraith. “But I woke up the next morning with you not next to me, because somehow you had slipped away without a trace.

“Apparently not, seeing as how you keep finding me wherever I go.”

“I told you a long time ago, I would always find you. If anything ever happened, I would protect my woman.”

“I’m not your—”

“I know you don’t want to believe it, because I was a bad guy who did some bad things; a bad guy you heard had done even worse things, unspeakable things, but this feeling is real despite that. Our connection…”

“We have no connection!” She yells before running her hands down her face. She is tired of this, but if I give up now, she will never allow the word ‘love’ to pass my lips in her presence again, if she even chose to speak to me.

“Y/N, I don’t want to be without you. I can’t stand another second without being able to have you, or hold you, or kiss you, or make love--”

“Stop it, August!” She snaps. “You live in fantasies and think just because you say things over and over that they eventually become truth and everyone around you will accept it as such.”

“We are not a fantasy! You and me, we are--”

“We are nothing!”

A quiver echoes around the room.

A crack in her shell.

Tears began to dribble down the soft cheeks I once kissed.

I move but she steps back with every inch I advance until the icy chill of the wall is flush against her back. And I see it: false hatred masking underlying fear in her eyes; a fear she has had since we met, a fear of loving me.

I brace an arm on the wall, my palm flat next to her face as my other moves to her body, down her arm, to the curve of her waist, to the silky soft flesh peeking from under her sweater for me to stroke with my thumb as the rest of my fingers firmly grip her hip. My hip.

“We are everything to each other…and you know it,” I say as I meet her eyes. They glisten, wet and shiny and beautiful in a way I hoped I would never be the cause of. Her teary gaze is unblinking, in utter disbelief that I was touching her again, that she was letting me touch her again.

“Don’t,” is all she whispers; one final plea as I firmly grasp the last brick of the wall she put up to keep me out and throw it away, out of sight where it could never be found again…I hope.

“August…” Another whisper.

“Y/N, I know I scared you and I know you heard a lot of bad things about me, but I would never hurt you, ever. And I’ll step away, I will, I promise I will, if you tell me to.” I never wanted to lie to her, but as the last of those words come out of my mouth, I know that is exactly what they are: A lie. I won’t ever step away.

I inch my head down to hers, my face closer to hers, my lips a hairs width away from hers, praying she won’t shove me away.

“Just tell me to.” I whisper against her lips.

But she doesn’t and so I press my lips to hers, taking her rosy, plump bottom one between my own.

She tastes the same. Too many months without this taste is like coming home after being at war and I savor every single generous second.

Then I feel it. A movement of her lips over mine, a small pressure that forces a moan from my throat, tingling both of our lips. I don’t waste another beat pulling her to me. Remembering this sensation of our bodies molded so perfectly together is intoxicating. I won’t, I can’t let her go. Not now. Not ever again.

 Y/N POV

I’m still.

So still.

I can’t move, and I tell myself it is only because he has trapped me; that my anger is strong enough to paralyze me; that he is abusing me, and I just see too much red to focus on that fact. I tell myself that the chill running down my spine is from the wall he has me up against.

He looks at me like he wants me. It’s the way he has always looked at me. Devouring. Begging. Desperate.

He is moving, somehow closer than he already is and my body reacts to him, sensing a familiar stinging heat though his skin has yet to touch mine. I can feel my heart’s uncontrollable excitement and I’m screaming for it to shut up, to stop beating for him, stop humming for him, just stop living if that’s what it takes for him to go away. But it won’t, or can’t, or just doesn’t want to. I have no idea anymore, but I can’t look away from the hand inching its way toward my arm.

If you touch me, I will kill you, I repeat over in my head.

But it, he, moves closer.

If you touch me, I will kill you.

And closer.

If you touch me…

He looks at me, right in the Y/E/C of my eyes and the air is sucked from my lungs.

…I will kill you.

Then he touches me.

His hand rests gently on my shoulder and skims down my arm over the fabric of my too-thin sweater. My waist feels it and my belly flops as he strokes the skin that hasn’t felt his touch in months. It sings for him, my skin. It cries in relief and thanks me for not shoving him away.

Finally, it moans.

I think this must stop, now. Break the contact. Don’t let him control you. You have fought so hard to become the woman you are, a woman who needs no one, and now is not the time to give in to this feeling, but it feels so good and he has only stroked a thumb, a simple thumb, along an insignificant amount of my skin.

I am numb to everything but the fire of his fingertips.

“Don’t.” What a pathetic whisper. A lie.

But his gaze is unwavering.

“August…” I cry his name in my head over and over, but once again, my mouth fails me and it comes out so quietly, so soft.

He tells me he will stop if I tell him to. But his face is so close, his lips are so close. I feel his puffs of breath stroke my skin and it warms me from head to toe.

He whispers something again, but the blood rushing in my ears doesn’t allow me to comprehend. I think I need to pull away.

Not now, my mind screams at me. Don’t be an idiot, it yells.

He kisses me and my brain shuts down. I only feel softness and slight pressure and a moan that tingles my lips, but I can’t tell who it came from.

The taste is the same. His taste is the same. It’s sweet with hints of whiskey he must have had recently and it shoves me back in time, into the body of the woman who let her guard down and was dumb enough to fall in love with a man like him. Then I move my lips, just my lips, and I’m pulled so close to him. I feel his muscles; firm ridges and valleys through his shirt against my stomach and breasts.

It’s too much and not enough.

My hands seem to rise on their own accord and slide to his arms, up to his shoulders; the opposite trail he had touched me with. He groans into our kiss as his arms hold me tighter than I thought possible.

By the time my fingers are resting on the back of his neck, pressing his lips harder to mine in the first greedy act I have taken, he’s hoisted me up. His hands grasp my bottom to secure me and I am forced to remember the last night we had together before I left.

Every feeling I had the last time I was on top of him, sinking down onto him, moving my hips in a way that made us practically weep from pleasure, swallows me whole. I remember the feel of his fingers as he grabbed my backside to keep me firm against him.

Imprints were left that night. Stinging from where he would roughly slap a cheek. Bite marks on my shoulders, my neck, my breasts, that didn’t disappear for days. He made sure to claim me in every way possible again and again.

And now he was back for me, my heart, my soul, my love. And he would not waste a single drop of the flood that was pouring out of me.

I plant my palms on the stubble of his jaw and tilt my head, parting my lips to give us the chance to deepen this kiss, and it allows him to slip his silky, soft tongue in to caress mine.

He turns us and walks to the large bed in the middle of the room, never breaking our kiss, before gently laying me down on the plush comforter and ripping his shirt off over his head.

He really is the same, I think. Everything is exactly the same. Perfect in every single way. Strong shoulders, and thick arms, and toned abs that lead down to a defined V that disappears under the waist of his pants. And he’s looking at me like I brought him back to life, just like he did for me before I ran.

“Come here.” I whisper, reaching out a hand for him to take; reassuring him that I want him, this, everything he has to offer me.

He gives me a tentative look and for once I see the vulnerability that being together can bring out in us. He’d perfected his craft of illusion long ago, but now I sense little of that mask.

August takes my hand in his and I tug lightly. He catches himself from falling completely on top of me and gently lowers his body onto mine in the most delightfully sensual way anyone could.

 August POV

She’s looking at me in a way that’s going to destroy me from the inside out; like I’ve hung the sun that only shines for her, and all I want is to see that look every minute of every day until I’ve memorized it so well I see it in my sleep.

‘Come here,’ she says, and reaches out her delicate hand. Fuck, I remember those hands on my body, and I’m almost not sure I can handle it again. If I have her now, I will need her forever, and it’s terrifying how much I want it.

But I take her hand and let her pull my body on top of hers, and I kiss her because I have to. Because if I don’t, I will lose my damn mind. It’s a horrifying feeling that only her lips can relieve, and I drink in every second that she lets me savor this; that she lets me kiss her top lip and then her bottom; lets me delicately bite one.

And when she moans, dear god, when she moans, my whole body tenses with desire for her. I want to wrap myself around her and run my hands through her silky, Y/H/C waves. I want to tear her sweater off and slip her pants down, until she is bare for me and me only, so I can show her just how in love with her I really am.

I want to feel every inch of her and rediscover every dimple in her flesh, every freckle, and every tiny mole that even she doesn’t know she has. Every scratch, every scar, and that section of stretch marks that I once ran my fingers along before trailing the length of them with kisses, I want only to be for me.

No one else, right? I want to ask her. There’s no other man but me, is there? Please let there be no one else. But she loops her arms around my neck and tugs me closer like she wants me to sink into her so we can just be one, and my mind momentarily flies out the window. Other men or not, from now on she is mine.

Then she pulls away and I’m afraid I’ve suddenly scared her, desperately wracking my brain for what I could’ve done in a matter of seconds. But she takes in a deep breath and her Y/E/C eyes meet mine as my name is lucky enough to be a sigh that passes through her plump lips.

“August…” She says again, and I close my eyes, dipping my forehead down to hers. I inhale and exhale. I would wait a million years for any words she would be willing to give me. “I do love you.”

And I was right.

She is going to destroy me.

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