#which means that for the next 3 months im stuck feeling like this

[azulpitlane]

got love stuck part 3 please i’m begging it’s so good i need it

out of the woods I ln4

pairing: lando norris x reader, exbf! mason mount x reader summary: in which lando has to communicate his insecurities but is he too late? notes: ask and you shall receive, this one took a while cause I had it all written out then I hated it and started over😇but this is the last part!! i loved making this thank u for being so supportive considering part one was my first ever post!! now send some requests hehe part one, part two, masterlist

lando i fucked up, its too late

danny ric what do you mean its too late?

lando i texted her and no response she went to dinner with mason tonight they're probably still together right now

danny ric okay so you're jumping into conclusions AGAIN you have to have some faith in her mate and stop assuming the worst

lando she was with her ex after our breakup what am I suppose to do?

danny ric communicate, you muppet you can't just give up after one try

lando okay okay you're right, i was overthinking im booking the next flight to london

danny ric um i was thinking maybe a phone call?

lando too late, already booked it

dailymail

102,339 likes

dailymail Trouble in paradise? Singer Y/n Y/l/n and F1 driver Lando Norris reunited in London today. Onlookers claim the two were having a heated conversation about their relationship and it is unclear whether the two are currently together or not. Was this argument result of Y/l/n's infidelity? The singer was spotted twice within this month with ex boyfriend, Mason Mount. Read more on the singer's relationship timeline with Mount and Norris in our article linked in the bio.

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user yes lets just make assumptions that y/n is a cheater based on nothing🙄

user if lando took her back ill be so mad. shes so toxic

user you have no idea what shes like in real life? you're just basing your opinion on some stupid tabloid that constantly spreads misinformation on her

user WAR IS OVER (THEYRE STILL TOGETHER IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS).

user YUP Y/N AND LANDO DEFENDER TIL I DIE user SAME IM CONVINCED SHE NEVER CHEATED IDC IDC

user this doesn't even look like a heated argument to me?? y'all be doing too much

user please let this be just a friendly conversation and her and mason got back together☹️

user its been a year, I think its time to move on from that relationship user yup!! shes clearly moved on y'all need to do it too user her relationship with lando has been messy from the start, she never had to deal with this drama with mason that's all im sayin

user this page is obsessed with y/n!! leave my girl aloneeee

yourusername

liked by landonorris, masonmount and 5,283,239 others

yourusername out of the woods out now.

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selenagomez on repeat already💙 liked by yourusername

user WAIT WHOS THE GUY IN THE LAST SLIDE

user HAS TO BE LANDO user praying its mase but I have a feeling its lando☹️

user the way these lyrics can apply to both mason or lando so we have no clue who its about🧍‍♀️

user and they both liked aghhhh!!!!

danielricciardo amazing song, so so proud liked by yourusername

francisca.cgomes can't stop listening im obsessed😍 liked by yourusername

user okay danny and the wags are all commenting this is a good sign for us lando and y/n defenders

alexandrasaintmleux you're so talented I love it!! liked by yourusername

user y/n dropping this after being seen with lando again, I think its time for us mason defenders to retire :(

landonorris

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 920,482 others

landonorris want you for worse or for better, would wait forever and ever tagged yourusername

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user YES WE CAN FINALLY SAY WAR IS OVER

user I KNEW IT YES

yourusername and that's how it works💙

user these are definitely song lyrics AHHHH user landos listened to the new album omfsgnks user new album is gonna be mix of love and breakup songs with the drama methinks

user MOM AND DAD ARE DONE FIGHTING

maxfewtrell sap

user careful lando, once a cheater always a cheater

user where is the proof of her cheating?? there literally is none user they literally broke up after she was seen with mason user give up this narrative already!! her and lando are clearly happy together so who cares

yourusername

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 7,284,234 others

yourusername these past few weeks have felt like a crazy, emotional train wreck but there's nobody else I would've rather done it with than my best friend and lover💙 i usually never address anything like this but there are somethings that aren't easy to shake off especially when it comes to my relationship and my loyalty being questioned. there has never been somebody who has been so perfect for me and i would never trade this love for anybody elses. i could go on and on about it but i find it easier to communicate through music.

my new album is out tonight at midnight, it is a collection of songs written from last year to now. interpret the songs as you like but just know there is only one person im in love with right now.

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user OMFG WEVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

user she just nicely told all mason x y/n supporters to stfu

user not only that but she beat the cheater allegations🙏

user THIS IS SO CUTE WHAT

user "would never trade this love for anybody elses" IMCRYIN

landonorris love you so so much, dont know what I would do without you

yourusername lan love u more🥹 user AWWW user nobody can be a mason x y/n fan after this cause they are too cute

landonorris this album is amazing, im so incredibly proud of you and everything you've been through liked by yourusername

carlossainz55 very excited for this one liked by yourusername

masonmount this was very well said, congrats on the new album!! liked by yourusername

user OMG? user in their besties era omdfsnkln user I knew they were just friends through all this!!!

user okay officially retiring the mason x y/n agenda..it was a good run

user def the end of an era but our girl is happy🫶

user now that the drama is over can we focus on how good this album is gonna be

user fr the drought is officially over

yourusername

liked by landonorris, yourbff and 3,232,325 others

yourusername the love for my new album has been insane, thank you guys so much!! so many records broken just on the first day of the release and i couldn't have done it without you guys💙

now it is time to hibernate for a little bit and spend some much needed time off with my loved ones so this is a lil goodbye... for now!

see ya later

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user NO COME BACK

user gave us some lando content before dipping, thank u mother

user she took 'I know places we won't be found' to a whole different level because nobody can find out where theyre vacationing

user good!! they need some privacy after this messy drama

landonorris got you all to myself now

maxfewtrell gross yourusername perv

kellypiquet ❤️‍🩹 liked by yourusername

user but will we see you at the paddock next season🥹

yourusername ofc!! catch me rooting for my babyyy

user what a crazy era. hopefully well get some performances and lando supporting after this break

landonorris will be front row at every show user wag and rockstar's bf. try not to say parents challenge omg user can't wait for the content of them supporting each other at races and concerts ahhh

yourbff pls dont make me an auntie soon im too young

yourusername okay im officially logging off.

tags: @jayrami3 @whoselly @roseseraj @saturnbloom77@landowecanbewc

#lando norris #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris smau #lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #f1 x reader #ln4 #f1 fanfic

[mimisplayground]

Captain Price, Brat Tamer Extraordinaire

tags: brat taming, spanking, thorough prep, ALL ACTIVELY CONSENTED TO, however.., power imbalance, hinted at poly!141, KINDA a free use kink BUT NOT EXPLICITLY, aftercare at its finest, dumbifcation (dick got you stupid), open to ghost sequel :3, power difference but the hot way, he calls you love and sweetie, you call him sir and his rank while hes fucking you so…

uuuhhhh i just REALLY want that old british man…

—————-

Price was an authortive man. He was firm when he spoke and he didn’t take arguments to his orders.

So when the cute little mouthy cadet glares at him and tells him to fuck off, he almost wants to be mad. He acts mad, his voice booming in your face and blood flowing to his dick when he watches you continue to glare even as tears well in your eyes, your bottom lip quivering as you do what your told. Grumbling under your breath.

This becomes a pattern. You listen well for a few days, longest he’s clocked you behaving was a week. Finally you start to get a bit mouthy and him or one of the others end up having to get loud with you to get you acting right. Though he would never forget the time he watched you roll your eyes at Ghost when he had just yelled at you. And he doesn’t think he could get the look of your face crying while Ghost has a hand wrapped around it with your cheeks smushed together out of his mind either.

Certainly not when it’s the main thing he thinks of recently when he’s got his hand wrapped tight around his own dick.

You were a crybaby. An awfully pretty one. But you were a fucking brat, and it left Price stuck with being incredibly turned on and pissed everytime he had a feeling it was gonna be another day where you wanted to run your mouth.

So he was surprised when one day, walking past the room where the men changed, he heard Soap snickering about how he wished he could fuck you, see how long you kept mouthing back. Not surprised at the statement, Price knew the others wanted to get their hands on you. But surprised at how much he himself seemed to contemplate the idea.

Which was what led to you being led into his office when you had next mouthed off. Months of your attitude had worn on him, and when you had told him to “fuck off and shove it up his own ass”, he had quickly and quietly made it clear that he expected you to follow him to his office. You stood there in front of his desk with your arms crossed, tapping your foot and huffing often.

Price stared you down for a moment. “I’m sick of your attitude.” He had practically snarled out. Watching you shift awkwardly, as if the annoyance was fading into worry. “And I think it’s time we take care of it.” Price finished off calmly. It left you nervous, he could tell. He sat down, and he waved his hand for you to come closer.

“I’m not gonna force you. If you say no it’s fine, and you’ll run 20 laps.” He saw you shudder at that. It was by no means a small track. And he knew you had only ever done 10 at the most. But it was the alternative and equal punishment he had picked for if you declined him now. “If you don’t want to do that, you’ll lay across my lap.” He finished, watching to gauge your reaction.

He saw you contemplate. “I want you to know that neither is the easy way out. Your attitude problem will be fixed when Im done with you, one way or another.” You huffed.

“Gonna spank me like you’re my dad or some shit?” You sassed at him, nodding in consent and yelping when he tugs you down and across his lap. “Yea love, that’s the plan.” He laughs slightly as he yanks your uniform pants down, happy he caught you in a moment where you didn’t have the full uniform on and he didn’t have to worry about the padding and belt. Yanking your underwear down with the pants and staring at your ass for a moment.

“Perv.” You mumbled out, yelping when a harsh, sharp smack landed on your behind. You squirmed, and Price kept a hand firm on your back. His hand raised and dropped down again quickly, 5 more smacks coming in succession.

He had never been known for being light with his hands, and it was showing in the discoloration of your behind. You were squirming around, complaining loudly. “You’re a fucking dick! I hate you, you’re awful!” You had been screaming it out practically, and his anger spiked at the idea that someone could be outside thinking he was allowing you to speak to him like that.

“Enough!” He boomed out, the harshest smack he had delivered so far landing right where your thigh and ass met. You yelped harshly and quieted down quickly. You both sat in silence for a moment, Price trying desperately to will away the blood rushing to his cock.

With another blow he had hit the other side in the exact same spot, eliciting a choked noise. He knew he had hit a sensitive spot. You remained quiet, hoping it would grant you mercy.

“Apologize now, and I’ll consider stopping. Want to hear you beg, sweet thing.” He had demanded, watching you profusely shake your head no at his order. “That’s too bad,” he sighs, rubbing your behind softly before pinching a bruise and hearing your whimper “I would’ve even been nice to you after if you listened the first time.”

His assault quickly picked back up, now focusing on the sensitive back of your thighs. He listens to you ramble out pleas of mercy and sobbing out apologies. After a good ten hits he had stopped again, not before pinching the soft spot he had just spanked raw and bruised and listen to your whimper.

You whine and cry, mumbling out apologies that has him sighing and moving you up so you’re sat gently on his lap as he hugs you and soothes your back as you cry and squirm away from where your ass meets his rough pants. He had hugged you to show comfort, but also to hide how flushed his face had gotten listening to your cries and whines.

He really couldn’t hide the bulge in his pants much though, and he full blown jolted when he heard your cries quiet down and felt your hand brush against the bulge. He leans back in his chair, quirking a brow up at your attempt at puppy eyes with him. “Lemme make it up to you…” you mumble out, fiddling with the waistband of his pants and tugging at his shirt to untuck it.

Price stares at you for a moment, sighing before he picks you up and sets you on his desk, grinning slightly at the groan you let out from the soreness of your bottom. He grins harder when you hears your grumble at the fact that he grinned. He unbuckles his belt quickly and yanks it down, and he can’t help but feel pride swell at the squeak you let out before shuffling away.

“It won’t fit,” you said, with so much resolve that Price was almost inclined to believe you. Instead he let out a loud laugh and grabbed your calf, lifting it up gently and watching you hesitantly lean back to lay on his desk. He massages your leg gently, all the way to your upper thigh before quickly giving the other leg the same gentle treatment. “Promise I’ll be gentle preparing you, we’re through most of the punishment part anyways, love.” He has your leg grasped in his hand, pulling it over and leaving a kiss on your ankle. “If you’re ok with it?”

And god grant you mercy, why did a grown man, your Captain no less, have to be so weirdly cute with the way he tilted his head as he asked the question. You stare at him for a moment, and he grins softly when you nod yes to him. He leans over, arms caging you down and leaving kisses all over your face. One of his hands runs down your body, reaching between your legs and toying with your most sensitive spots.

He plays with you until you’re putty underneath him. Gentle and just firm enough to leave you twitching and teetering the edge of release with your brain reduced practically to goo. He’s so composed as he does it too, an arm keeping you pinned so you can’t buck your hips up and his body blocking you from being able to squirm away. Stuck at his mercy and babbling incoherent nonsense and begs.

The hand finally goes further down and the tears coming from your eyes at this point are from ecstasy. A single finger prods at your entrance, and he wishes he could he felt bad about spitting into his own hand to lube it up to push the first digit inside of you with the mix of your arousal to help. But from the way your shuddering and pushing down on his finger, he would argue that you probably didn’t mind much. He was gentle with adding another finger as well, scissoring you open and listening to your loud groans.

He had gotten to three fingers quickly, stretching and thrusting them before you finally managed to cut through your own incoherency. “Please, Captain, Sir, anything, whatever you wan’ me to call you just please,” he was almost impressed with how you drew out the please into a whine, “put it in. Wan’ you in me, now Sir, please.”

That was really the only coherent thought and sentence you seemed able to string together right now. At least thats what Price would guess from the way you went back to your mumbles and moans. So he sighed and kissed at your tears as he pulled his fingers out and lined himself up, pushing in slow and firmly.

By the time he was all the way in he had to stop and give himself a moment to catch his breath. “So tight love, grippin’ me tight.” He was groaning, lifting your legs over his shoulders and into a mating press. He listened to your begs for him to move, to mess up your insides real nice. After a few moments he listened to those pleas.

He thrusts hard, snapping his hips up and stopping after he hears you squeal “It hurts!” He leans down, kissing your tears again. “Need me to stop? Don’ wan’ to hurt you love,” he kisses your lips as you pout.

It takes everything in you to pull a full thought together and even more to get it out. “Hurts where you spanked me…” you groan out, whining when he laughs and pinches a bit at the spot. “Want me to-“ hes cut off at your quick shaking of your head and a small “don’ stop.”

“Whatever you want love, call it part of the punishment.” He leaves another kiss on your lips and goes back to harsh thrusts that leave you screaming and gasping for air under him. He’s firm and rough, but the absolute perfect pace that leaves you downright shaking.

And when his hand comes down to play with your sensitive spots again as he thrusts, you feel the knot inside of you tighten and snap as your eyes roll back and your body arches up off the table and into Price. He holds onto you tight, continuing his thrusts harshly as you twitch under him, your hands reaching up and petting his hair as if to let him know to continue.

“Wan’ cum inside sweetie, can I? Please love…” he groans as you nod yes into his neck and with a final harsh thrust he feels the knot in his own stomach burst as he cums deep inside of you.

You both lay there for a moment, panting harshly with sweat all of the both of you. You look a mess, tear streaks down your face and drool from your mouth. And Price looks up at you questioningly after you giggling when he leaves a kiss on his shoulder.

“Your mustache tickles.” You say with a small smile, and he smiles back before leaning down to kiss you. He picks you up, opening a door to his private room -and straight to the bathroom- setting you down on the toilet.

You sigh in relief when he picks you up and sinks you both into the bathtub. You squirm a bit at the sting of warm bath water on your sore ass, and he kisses the back of your neck as he gets to work washing the both of you.

Price has you sleep in his room, and finds himself snickering for the next week when he catches you opting to stand when able. And holding back almost full laughter when you’re forced to sit at meetings or in vehicles as you squirm around.

And when he hears that your attitude is getting bad with the others again when you’re so sweet and almost obedient in front of him, Price shrugs and tells them to figure it out.

When he walks past the training room to see you in a headlock by Ghost while he’s clearly whispering something mean in your ear (if your tears are anything to go by), hes got a feeling your attitude will be getting a lot better for all of them soon.

————

left it open for a sequel for da cod hoes

PLS HYPE THIS UP MY OLD MAN DESERVES IT. and guys this was like, almost entirely self indulgent so… sowwy :p (pls ignore any typos guys… i literally have no beta reader its just me, my whims, and my prozac getting us through these fanfics)

again, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! SEND IN ASKS!! I WILL GET TO THEM!! im running out of ideas guys pls send asks and requests…

#cod smut #cod x reader #john price #price x reader #captain price #price smut #cod fanfic #requests open #send asks #self indulgence at its finest

[kekaki-cupcakes]

Hello kekaki! Cloud you please write something for Jason with a stoic/shy body painter reader? I feel like he’d be a great model, cause he’s very patient and all. What do you think? No worries if u don’t feel like it, obvs!

I actually loved this idea and ended up putting heaps of headcanons and shit in it too because I love this kinda ask! [everyone usually just does simple stuff which is all g lol but this is so creative maybe its just cause im artsy haha] Anyway this is mixed in with an ask I got for a London Boy [Taylor Swift] type ask x Jason <3 <3 <3

There's still a trace of body paint--- Jason x Body paint artist!reader [London Boy-Taylor Swift]

»»————-　★　————-««

Jason tried not to laugh.

It was so hard though, because holy Hades the paintbrush was so cold and it was tickling his sides and he began chewing on his lip to stop himself from squirming away.

He sat as still as he could, which wasn’t hard, one thing Camp Jupiter got right was the whole soldier thing, and Jason could stand still for hours at a time without moving if he had to. And this way he was sitting on a cushioned stool watching your expression shift when you thought no one was watching you, or eating MnM’s, listening to whatever pop song came over the little radio by the open window. 

The smell of strawberries wafted through with the warm summer air from the fields a few cabins over, and it made him hungry, but he wasn’t about to get up and ruin the carefully designed strokes all down his back and over his shoulders.

He didn’t even get to know what it was until the end, apparently, which was so mean of you, but then you’d stick your tongue out while you worked a little bit in concentration and he forgave you. 

You looked up and made eye contact too quickly for Jason to play it off, and you took the tiny brush off his shoulder slowly, “what?”

“Nothing,” Jason said quickly, chewing the inside of his lip to stop his grin this time, and turned to the rest of the cabin. There was one set of bunks, but the rest of the beds were all retro hammocks hung between messy easels and tapestries and a few statues in progress. 

There was a mini fridge with a salt lamp on top, and every windowsill had little trays of incense next to the mugs filled with paint brushes or lemonade. His view was skewed when you spun the stool around a little and took another brush from the table, this time with an inky dark blue. 

Jason looked up at the roof to move his hair when the cold began to dot lightly where his neck met his shoulder. There was a big circle cut out of the white stone ceiling, replaced with glass that let the light in like a halo. It fit the whole scene though, you looked like an angel, even with the bit of melted MnM on your cheek.

“Hey,” he started, noticing the polaroid’s stuck to the wall around the mustard colored hammock belonging to you. “Can I ask..” 

“Hm?” You asked, getting a sponge and dabbing at the scars shredding up the right of Jason’s lower back. 

He wasn’t sure what your answer to the question would be, and if it was something bad, he didn’t want to make you upset, but he was curious. “How did you… how did you get here? When were you claimed?”

“Well, it wasn’t as dramatic as falling out of a burning chariot into the lake,” you muttered, wiping yellow paint from your hands onto your forehead without noticing. “My mum booked a flight to New York when I was ten, and then drove me to the borders of Camp.”

Jason looked down at his shoes, “your mortal mum?...She just left you?” 

You shook your head quickly, “oh, no, it wasn’t like that. She told me I was a demigod when I was six. Didn’t want to keep secrets. Said she went out with a lady at Glastonbury that dropped me off a few months later with a bunch of flowers.”

“I lasted a lot longer than the flowers,” you chuckled quietly, “I knew I was coming here for ages, and I knew I was a son of Iris. We didn’t get a lot of monsters in England, I’ve been attacked more by going to Starbucks on the weekends here than living in Manchester for ten years.”

Jason didn’t like talking about his own mum, but the way you smiled talking about yours, he figured you didn’t mind. “Do you miss her?”

“A lot, but Iris messages aren’t exactly hard for me,” you said with a shrug, dipping the paintbrush into the little tub Jason was balancing on his thigh. “Besides, Iris pays for my mum to fly over every summer, cause she feels bad that she had a kid with someone so far away.”

“Really?”

You smiled again, and the little shiny crystals on your necklaces clicked against the beads, “she’s a pretty great mum, as far as godly parents go. She’s gonna pay for art school, as long as I show her everything I paint.”

Jason blinked. “Does that include me?”

“Surely you’ve met her, you’ve met all the gods, right?” You asked, eating an MnM and swishing the paintbrush around in a cup. Jason was pretty sure you’d just cleaned it with lemonade, but he didn’t say anything. 

He blinked, watching the colorful stained glass of your earrings catch in the light, “Yeah, but that was before…”

Before he’d found you with Racheal using the blank stone wall of his cabin as a space for her next mural. He didn’t really care if Zeus got annoyed, because you had pink paint on your cheeks and you were using a pegasus called Clover to put all of the paint tubs on and Racheal was saying something stupid and you were laughing with your nose all crinkled up and if Zeus got annoyed by that, Jason would take the smiting himself.

Before he’d somehow ended up in the same activities together after he told Piper about you [who could convince Annabeth to do anything for her somehow, even without her mothers tongue].

Before he’d offered to sit still for hours at a time so that you could build a portfolio of paintings on his scarred skin. He’d had to ask instead of agree, because you weren’t exactly the outgoing type. Neither was Jason, so you could sit together for hours with only the sound of the tens of wind chimes outside the cabin and paint tubes being used to their last drop.

Before Jason found himself more invested in the process of the painting then the outcome. 

He gulped, and mentally shook his head, “well, I hope the art school people don’t mind scars. You’d have to use someone else.”

“I don’t care if they do. I’d still paint you,” you said quietly, looking up from the dark blue sketchy strokes Jason could only just see without his glasses. Then you looked away, changing your paintbrush for the yellow one, “unless you didn’t want to.”

“I do.”

It was silent for a moment, and then you smiled, your lip piercing shining in the sun that streamed in, “okay.”

“I’m done,” you said a few minutes later, passing Jason the rest of the MnM’s once he could move without fear of ruining the paint. He watched as you pulled a mirror out from behind an easel depicting what looked like a robot bear with square teeth and red eyes. 

Jason stared at the blues and golds with wide eyes. He didn’t want to blink, he didn’t want to not see it. He didn’t know how to put it into words. “...Wow.” 

Wow didn’t seem like enough, but you grinned nonetheless with a shy shrug, “It’s a Van Gogh, well my version of it. Everyone likes Starry night, but I like Starry Night Over The Rhone a lot more, so…” 

»»————-　★　————-««

“Is that her?”

You rolled your eyes at the question, the only one Jason had been able to ask the past ten minutes as you both sat at a park bench outside the movies, an old one near the markets that just played grainy reruns in its shabby chic theater. “If you ask one more-”

“No I think that’s Iris,” he whispered with wide eyes, “she’s staring at me.”

About to explain that the old lady with a basket of kittens and a black lace umbrella [it was sunny. She was probably a vampire] was not your mother, you turned to see the woman who was actually your mother, in her bell bottoms and matching top, hoop earrings made of tiny dreamcatchers casting colorful light everywhere. 

You grabbed his wrist, and pulled him along into her cloud of floral perfume that hurt your nose when she brought you into a bearhug. “Hi mum.”

“Darling!” She shrieked, kissing your cheeks and holding your shoulders and she shook them violently, then snuck another hug while you were making sure your head was still attached to your shoulders, “oh, how I’ve missed you!” 

“Missed you to mum,” you said, pulling away with a smile, and turned to Jason, who had the same expression big dogs get when they’re picked up. “Um, mum… this is Jason.”

“Yes, yes! I’ve heard all about you!”

“...He’s my boyfriend.” 

»»————-　★　————-««

#pjo fandom #pjo #heroes of olympus #Jason grace #jasongrace #Jason Grace x reader #jason grace x you #jason grace x y/n #jason grace x male reader #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #fanfiction

[inexplicablymine]

IM ATTACKING YOU RIGHT BACK 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ how did you get into fandom/writing fic and how do you come up with inspiration for fic ideas? is there a specific place or time of day that strikes you?

Ahem… BUCKLE IN FOLKS this is a long af answer but I have the time. So sit down with your popcorn. Lola this all your fault 🥰

How did you get into fandom: I have (brace yourselves) read in fandom for over 15 years before participating in any way shape or form outside of just enjoying it from the comfort of my screen. I read or watched something many moons ago and said I want more and tada I was initiated. But I stuck around for so long because of the sheer creativity, and talent, and ingenuity of people globally to come together and say “we want more and if you won’t give us more we will do it ourselves.”

I was that reader that lurked with guest kudos and left random inane comments from accounts you could never trace back to one place. When I mean read I mean… if I did have an AO3 account or an ffnet account during that period of time, the sheer number of works in the history would be of concern to everyone.

How did you get into writing fic: As for writing in general, I have a stack of journals I’ve kept since middle school, and an itch in my fingers that feels like I am broken if I am not writing. From the minute I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up “author” was the answer and it’s always sat at the back of my subconscious like one of those rocks in the bottom of your shoe. There are too many stories rattling around in my head that want to get out, but I took a break for 8 years of writing anything except my journal entries because the world can be a cruel place.

I started writing again just this year in June, and it was really a case of “write the things you want to see in the world,” + it’s time to get back on the horse + the thirst to participate more than just sit on the outside peering in at the inside jokes of chapter end notes and tumblr links I never clicked on. I joined a single discord, had a breakdown, and bon appetite here we are 3 months later with an actual AO3 account, a Tumblr, and a WIP list that is at least 15 works long 4 of which are 25+ chapter outlines.

(This truly was fueled by an idea I had this March for a RWRB full length mystery novel law-case thriller that I could NOT get out of my head, it now has 37 chapters outlined and is getting written this fall/winter to be posted next year)

Where does your inspiration come from: My inspiration comes from everything everywhere all at once. (Not meant to be a reference but it was too good not to use). A not so succinct list of places I’ve found inspiration:

the truth is stranger than fiction: my first day post for FirstPrince week is a “there was only one tent” situation that actually happened on a camping trip this summer. I screamed internally the entire time it was going down.

Songs: I could never write while listening to music except I absolutely will imagine storylines from it. The song Delilah by Mikolas Josef and Mark Neve is going to produce a smutty RWRB one shot of a ski weekend hookup

Co-Authoring: I am currently working on two different co-authored fics. One with @celaestis1 that was just us lovingly yelling at eachother in the DM’s until an outline was made and now every chapter we write makes me more and more giddy. The other is a RWRB x PJO au with @read-and-write- and @userd0esn0texist that is genuinely the most ridiculous fun I have ever had plotting. There is a full blown super six prophecy y’all are not ready.

Prompts: my first two works ever (ever!) were based off of the same prompt for a gift fic exchange. “Don’t look at me I thought we were getting ice cream” (you can read the results of that prompt here or here) I’m participating in @thebrownstone FirstPrince Week which has 7 prompts and @halloweenhuh with two different prompts as well. Sometimes it’s the best way to get the juices flowing.

Asking for it: if someone asks “hey is there a fic that does this” and I haven’t found it, it is really easy to think “hmmm but maybe I could write it” and then the dominos fall and I’m stuck with a problem of my own creation

Fulfilling a need or gap in the fandom: honestly, my current WIP I’m posting is an Ace!Alex fic because well… we need more ace fic in general, but also more ace fic that is happy, and positive, and loving. I love a good whump fic as much as the next person, but sometimes you just need some serious fluff. (Also my first two fics are Demi!Alex so maybe I have just stumbled into this on accident though many of my upcoming fics differ from this pattern)

I want it I got it: truly most of my WIP’s started from a “wouldn’t it be funny” idea that then morphed very quickly into an out of control spiral in my notes app.

Betas: the backbone of fandom and honestly the people who help me take incoherent ramblings and make them something readable. So many amazing ideas come from betas leaving comments in my gdocs and for that I am forever thankful

Is there a specific place or time of day that strikes you?: HA I uhhhhhh will wake up in a cold sweat at 4:37 in the morning with a fic idea, I’ll come up with one walking to work, I’ll get an idea standing in like for groceries. Genuinely my notes app is always open. All of the random ideas I get from a line, to a more fleshed out plot idea go into a note or the matching doc called “table scraps” and then if they evolve from there they get their own note or document for them.

First 🧚🧚 Nice Ask Day 🧚🧚 answer and I can’t wait to ask/answer more

#nice ask day #ao3 #red white and royal blue #fanfiction #inexplicablymine answers #ao3 author #author ask game #inexplicablymine

[olberic]

ranking anime i’ve watched in 2023:

as expected, here’s this year’s top 10 for how much i personally enjoyed the anime i’ve watched this year. ive watched more than this, but god i watched so many bad ones…. even number 10 sucks but everything else was worse. sad!

as always thank u gifmakers for ur service 🫡 the world would be nothing without u all

10. the legendary hero is dead! (2023)

dont watch this show. it sucks and its bad. hey. come here. hold my hand. now lets just watch and enjoy the OP ok? don't worry about the rest.

9. my daughter left the nest and returned as an s-rank adventurer (2023)

i have to admit this show charmed me. its not the best thing ive ever seen but its nice. comfy. yknow? i haven't finished it but it's enjoyable. can't rank it higher until i finish it

8. sabikui bisco (2022)

if it werent for the positively nonsensical jump in the middle of the show and the way theres just like. a lot of gaps? it’d rank higher. it’s a very cool premise for a show and i like the bisco/milo dynamic, and [SISTER] is fun as hell. it didnt wow me though overall, and while i enjoyed it i was hoping for more.

7. trigun stampede (2023)

im sorry trigun stans i simply didnt love it. i see the appeal i really do but it just didnt hook me. i really liked the animation and the storyline. im intrigued by whatever the fuck is going on with those plants and yall have said theres a tallgirl in the next season? so i’ll keep watching. i just didnt love it

6. that time i got reincarnated as a slime (2019-2021)

in contrast to #7, i can see why this show is weak HOWEVER i just enjoyed it. i like it. huge fan of how much gender the protag has. i love how they get new powers. i enjoy that it can be interpreted as an extremely bisexual show. it was well paced and the slime diaries OVA was a great addition. a lot of the characters really stuck with me too and its like. idk. one of my favourite isekais i guess

5. buddy daddies (2023)

this should rank higher. its so fun. its SO fun. its silly and it doesnt take itself seriously. i laughed in every episode. the dynamic between the guys is great. the dynamics between them and the kid is great. just a really solid show if you can stand the queerbaiting. i dont even care

4. bocchi the rock! (2022)

the bocchi side of tumblr is right this show rules. i like how real bocchi’s social anxiety feels (literally how it felt when i had it). the characters are entertaining, the show’s well done, they even have solid music (which band-based shows dont always do right!). its really funny and its really earnest and its a joy to watch

3. demon slayer: swordsmith village arc (2023)

i included the entertainment district arc in last year’s list so this arc makes the cut. im always late getting around to watch the new stuff and i dont want to read the manga but god DAMN does this show hit different. incredible fight scenes. i loved everything they did for the hashira backstories. i love whatever the fuck is up with genya. it even gave me some akaza to sustain me for the next year or whatever. ik this show gets overhyped but its normal hyped. to me.

2. frieren: beyond journey's end (2023)

oughhh frieren… ive only known this show for a few months but it means to much to me… i dont even wanna talk about it because its so good i just wanna watch it again. go watch frieren if you havent already its anime of the decade. to me

1. gundam: the witch from mercury (2022-2023)

ive never seen a gundam before but i will be watched them after this! what can be said about it that hasnt already been said on this site. the romance storyline is impeccable, the fights are awesome, the moral questions it posed were excellently covered. by the end of the first episode i was speechless. by the end of the last episode i'd cried like 4 times over the course of the show. this thing made me cry to happy birthday. what the fuck

#t #i dont main tag these on principle but i do want to find these later so im using my tag system. sorry main tag browsers #tensura #buddy daddies #bocchi #kny #frieren #gundam

[justalildumpling]

for the ask game >:]] ✨ 👓 🎬 🎯

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

GIRL. that's such a hard question, i genuinely love all the comments i've received esp in smaus cause they make me cackle in public😭 i don't have any specific ones but the ones where they're like "i was close to crying" or saying that the ending was worth it (esp these ones because smaus take like 3 months to finish) or honestly bullying my characters are my faves LMAO

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

i dont....... focus tbh. LOJENFOWE ok but when i do lowkey it's when i'm moving around. which sounds so weird now that im thinking about it but the best ideas/words come when im on the train to uni or exercising🤨

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

OOOOHHHHHHH i like this question heheh😁 ok, weirdly enough all the ones that come first in mind is my wips💀 (they'll be released,,,, asp.........) BUT i would choose 'you can't have me unless' just cause i feel like it's the least reliant on texts and i would love to see the interactions of the two leads develop over time. there's also a lot of backstories behind them and i feel like the movie could touch on that (lol i say as if its gonna actually happen) well for the cast, i mean na jaemin obvs😭 but other than him, i have no clue

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

first. ACTUALLY FINISH MY WIPS AND NOT STARTING NEW ONES SOIEOWEIGWO👹👹 anyways😁😁 i really want to upload my first long fic either this year or like early of next year. i've written like half of it so far but i was just rlly stuck but maybe when uni starts and i start going on the train again😭

#dumpling answers🐳 #duckie🍀

[luckyqueenreign]

major 🤡 alert!

Hey, HELP A GIRL OUT PLEASE i’m stuck in the love triangle with Suresh and Alfie. I KNOW! I’M DOWN BAD BUT hear me out. I actually really liked Alfie in the beginning and wasn’t even thinking about Suresh (hated him to be exact) but we all know what happened how the season progressed. Plus i’ve been reading y’all’s theories and everything on here and yeah that resulted in this. I literally tried to make myself hate Suresh over the past two months so bad but god dammit i just can’t do it 😭Every damn time when i was finally like okay there’s no way i’m taking him back (especially after i found out about Gabi coming in, their relationship and him switching to Lulu from the scripts) i open tumblr AND IT’S BACK AGAIN. Alfie looked like a way better option to me even after kissing Kat but recoupling with Meera after Casa was my last straw. Suresh on the other hand… we know damn well what was happening in the last 2 months. We all figured that in this season we simply gotta pick the least bad option so i feel like they’re both as bad as each other and i just don’t know who to go for. Plus their routes are literally 👏mirroring👏.These theories about them feeling like they don’t deserve MC break my heart even though they did her well dirty. Final recoupling is probably about to be next week and i’m over here on the biggest fence ever. I know it’s probably not a good idea asking this here (where a lot of Suresh stans are) but i would be beyond grateful if you could look at it objectively and try to find some advice 😭coz i’m dying over here. Thank you so much for reading this, have a nice day! <3

OK girly i'm going to try soooo hard to be impartial but I'm so not an Alfie girl so this may prove difficult for me 😩😬.

I also want to preface this by saying that when I was coupled with Alfie I took full advantage of that coupling to make Suresh jealous and I actually did start to like him. I found him super endearing and I felt bad that I was going to break his little heart...that is until he Cherrygated me 😡. And look did I kiss Suresh? Yeah I absolutely did! But Alfie wouldn't even wait two seconds to hear me out. And I've seen other girls post on here who did NOT kiss Suresh and when you didn't kiss him you had an option to tell Alfie nothing happened and he still didn't hear you out. BOO!!! I just also feel like with Alfie some of his words and actions don't line up. He tells you one day he wants to take things slow and the very next day is asking to do bits? He tells you two days in row he wants to end the summer with you, you're his only girl but then he kisses Kat and 2 days after that brings Meera back and is suddenly all about Meera. IDK for me... There just hasn't been enough of a redemption arc for Alfie like there has been for Suresh. And I'll get into his misgivings now. Suresh comes into the villa incredibly unapologetic and extremely cocky. It's clear he thinks that he's got this in the bag and he's going to win MC back, that these guys have absolutely no chance. But MC proves to be a bigger challenge than he originally anticipated and he's forced to deal with ALL of his demons. Suresh thinks he's changed before Arlo comes in but he obviously hasn't hes still acting the exact same way he was before. MC kisses/flirts with Alfie? He does the same with Arlo. He flirts with MC while with Arlo, which in it of itself is a dick move to both women (I mean I loved it...but im being impartial here It was a dick move) Then the whole casa speech. We all loved it but then NOTHING. We were all left scratching our heads confused like WTF happened to this man?? We all came up with theories to explain his odd behavior after Casa but then this week he confirmed our suspicions that he was hurting, he was struggling hard, but most of all he was SORRY. This man has never been this apologetic, this self-loathing without wanting anything in return. this man has properly changed, there's been growth and character development (I mean as much as there can be for a pixel game). I just dont feel like we see the same for Alfie.

But again take this info knowing I am not an Alfie girly. You may find an Alfie girly out there who will give you 845 reasons why he's redeemable and has had growth. 💖

#litg ex in the villa #litg alfie #litg suresh

[inlovewithevanpeters22]

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐑.𝐖💌🤍 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫-2

Ron drops your bags on the floor and turns around to look at you. “Claire there’s nothing to talk about, we said everything we wanted.” He looks at you cold. You couldn’t believe that he was so different after 3 months apart.

*flash back to the argument*

“God Ron I mean why are you so fucking jealous of Harry?!” You say as you throw your hands up in the air. “Oh fuck off I’m not jealous at all, it’s the fact that you do things that other girls wouldn’t. I mean it’s embarrassing for me to be dating a girl who’s all over my best friend!” Ron yells only inches away from your face.

*flashback over*

“Ron I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m sorry.” He leans against the wall watching you as you speak. “I just can’t anymore Claire. I can’t do you, I can’t do us. We cannot be anymore than friends if that.” He says running his hands through his hair anxiously. You stare at him in disbelief, tears forming in your eyes. “Im sorry please don’t do this to me.” You say as tears run down your cheeks. He looks at you expressionless. “Look I’m sorry but I just cannot be with you anymore for my sake. I just can’t. I have to go.” He says walking out quickly, slamming the door behind him. Your tears come quicker by the second, your makeup melting off. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, you lay back onto your bed curling up into a ball and eventually fall asleep.

You wake up slowly, your head is pounding and your makeup is all over your satin white pillow covers. You look at the clock on the side of your bed, it reads 6:26 PM.

You slowly get out of bed not caring if you were late to dinner which was at 7PM. You walked over to your dresser, grabbing your comb and brushing it through your hair. Your brush getting stuck in the knots of your hair didn’t make getting ready any easier but you didn’t care at this point. You washed your face with ice cold water and applied some mascara looking at yourself In the mirror, your eyes were puffy and your lips were paler than normal. You looked like you were sick with something. You began walking over to your dresser putting your uniform on lazily.

You put on your doc martens and checked the time 6:47PM shows on your silver watch as you place it on your wrist. You begin walking to the great hall, at this point you’re not thinking clearly. Your vision is blurry, your feeling lightheaded almost sick. Your feet stumble over each other causing you to trip slightly. You catch yourself and attempt to pull yourself together. “what is wrong with me?!” You mumble a bit too loudly to yourself. “You okay Claire?” Hermione says coming up behind you, placing her hand onto your back. She smiles at you a bit concerned “Claire im talking to you.” She says again but louder. You look at her shaking off your terrible feeling. “Yeah I’m fine I just have a headache.” She looks at you confused but lets it go as she grabs your hand leading you to the great hall.

“Come sit!” She says sitting down next to Harry. You sit next to her tucking your skirt into your lap as you look at the food infront of you. You pick at your plate of food not feeling hungry at the moment, not feeling anything. I mean why wouldn’t Ron love you anymore, we both said some fucked up stuff but I thought we were stronger than that. What is wrong with me? Am I too ugly, too fat, too dumb? What the fuck is wrong with me? Is there an another girl or maybe he’s gay? You place your head in your hands. A million thoughts hit you at once, nothing felt real it all felt like a bad dream like it was your imagination.

“Claire you okay? You’ve been acting different?” Hermione says turning to away from Harry to face you. You snap out of whatever state of mind you were in. “Yes I’m fine!” You say a little louder than you should’ve, a sense of frustration in your voice. Hermione looked at you shocked at your sudden outburst. “Something’s wrong and you need to tell me.” Hermione whispers to you. “Nothing is wrong I’m just tired.” You say forcing a tight smile. “Look, Ron told me everything, I know what happened this morning. I want you to be honest with me and tell me what you’re feeling.” Hermione says placing her hand onto your arm. “Mione I don’t want to talk about it, I’m fine and clearly he is too.” You say as you sit up and walk away. As you walk away you can see Ron looking at you out of the corner of your eye. You feel a sense of loss when you remember he isn’t there to comfort you. “Hey Claire can I talk to you for a second it’s important..” Lavender says stopping you at the corridor. You look at her annoyed “Not now lavender I’m in the middle of something.” You walk away from her as quickly as possible, knowing how reluctant she can be.

You needed something to take the edge off of whatever it is you were feeling, you needed to be numb. You were walking around frantically trying to find Fred and George, trying to see if they had anything to drink or smoke. Walking down into the Gryffindor common room you spot two tall ginger headed boys on the couch. You walk up to them quickly, sitting in front of them. “Hey guys.” They smile at you and then look at each other and then back at you. “Ron’s in the dining hall.” Fred says as he puts a handful of gummy worms in his mouth. “I’m not looking for Ron I came here to talk to you guys.” You say grabbing a gummy worm from the huge bag in-front of the three of you. “What’s up? Wanna help us with some back to school pranks?” George says smiling excitedly at you. You shake your head no.“I’m looking for something to take the edge off of my horrible fucking life.” They both reach into their bags, grabbing something out of them. “Here you go.” They both say at the same time. George pulls out some sort of joint and Fred pulls out a bottle of fire whiskey. “Oh thanks that’s perfect.” You say taking both items from the boys hands. “See you later Claire.” Fred says as him and George get up and walk away obviously planning something.

You get up as well both of the items tucked away in your bookbag. You look around trying to find someone to hang out with for the night. You look around and spot Lavender sitting on the balcony reading quietly. “Hey lavender wanna come hang out with me?” You say smiling wide. She looks up at you nervously. “Um yeah sure..” you grab her hand and lead her up to your room and you both sit on the bed. “Look what I got!” You say grabbing the items out of your bag. You grab the bottle of whiskey and chug some of it before taking large sips of butter beer. “Lavender you have to try some.” You say handing her the bottle. “Okay but only a little bit. She takes a small sip and chugs down her drink. “Godric that’s awful.” She says scrunching her face up. You both laugh at her reaction as you grab the bottle from her hand and take large sips from it.

About an hour has passed and the whole bottle is done, you both are very drunk but you’re hysterical. You get up from your bed, stumbling through the piles of your suitcases. You reach into your bag and grab the joint and a lighter. Lavender sits up against your bed frame. “Claire I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” She says with a worried expression on her face. “I promise you I’m fine. I just need to forget about Ron.” Your say lighting your joint. She looks at you nervously. “What happened with Ronald?” You open the window and put the joint between your lips. “We had a big fight a few months ago and we’re on a break until this morning when we broke up.” You say looking out the window. She looks at her nails akwardly . “So you’re not over him?” You look at her shaking your head no. “I am not over him and I don’t think I ever will be.” You say groaning loudly as you put out your joint. “As fun as this was I think I better get going.” Lavender says collecting her jacket and her bag from the bedpost. You put your joint onto your desk and jump on the bed grabbing lavenders hand as she tries to walk away. “No come on stay with me!” She pulls her arm away from your grip. “Pull yourself together Claire we have school tomorrow” she scoffs and walks away hurriedly.

“Wait!” You say as she slams the door shut. You groan loudly as you get up from the bed and walk towards the door. You look around your dim light room seeing the mess you had made earlier. You didn’t think too much about it you just wanted to go find lavender. You open the door the cold stone floor making you shiver a bit. You walk around drunkenly, shaking as you walk. God why did everyone leave you, were you that insufferable? You think as you stumble around the freezing halls in nothing but a band t-shirt and basketball shorts. “Lavender!” You yell into the distance but get no response back. “Lavender!” You yell again but this time it echos around the halls. Your legs become weak and your steps become slower and softer. “Lavender…?” you whisper before you collapse onto the stairs outside the common rooms.

#ron wealsey x y/n #harry potter #coquette #hermione fanfiction #lana del rey #ron weasley #ron weasly imagine #y/n #luna lovegood #lavender #fred and goerge weasley #ron weasley smut #harry potter smut #potions #lavender brown #albus dumbledore #hermione granger #george weasley

[puppysdog]

I know nothing of your OCs tell me about them

ive got way too many so im gonna talk about the final girls ocs i have from my horror movies !

first is Áine from Goldberg. shes one of my favorites since shes the first final girl i came up with. she was really fun to make bc i realized i didnt have any “weird girl” ocs which was a tragedy. college aged, lived with her bestfriend izzy (pre death) and her two closest friends after. shes got copper curly hair (like the irish actress jade jordan), big brown eyes and glasses, and the same set of five tshirts and cargo pants from high school. shes super into horror movies and murder mysteries, and is over confident in her abilities which continuously puts her in dangerous situations, but also helps her get out of them. she ends up with the killer at the end of the movie which i think was a fun turn on the final girl trope

for the movie The Summoning in the Forest (title in progress still) both Alex and Ranger Butch Ryder are the final girls. ive always been a big fan of unwilling mentor/younger character with no family left type tropes so i thought what better way to do so than with a butch lesbian and a just-came-out-two-months-ago 17yr old. Alex loses her sister during a ritual summoning to try to being back their parents, and accidentally unleashes a demon in the forest. Fire Ranger Butch Ryder and her dog Sapphie live out in a near by fire tower for the season, and end up taking Alex in while trying to stop this demon from setting her entire forest on fire. I havent worked on the script for that one yet, but i want to focus on Ryder’s butch aspects and show them as desirable and hot. I also think Alex and Ryder being able to bond through their sexuality is a great way to steamroll through two strangers wouldnt work together bc two lesbians stuck in a horror situation would no doubt team up

Dakota is the final girl for Haunted House and oh boy shes gotta be my second favorite. British, fat, shaved head, dyke, 80s type punk chav vibe, hot headed, literally everything to me. She ends up inheriting a house from a family member shes barely heard of, and being a broke mid twenties yr old she immediately is on board. the house has a minor staff run by Ms. Adeline Falls so Dakota doesnt even have to do anything but play head of the house and follow the rules. Except shes really bad at following rules, and the house hates her. cue movie horror montage of a haunted house trying its best to kick the most stubborn girl out. i think this one will have more of a crimson peak/bly manor type vibe than anything? gothic semi tragedy horror is the feel i want to go for. also she basically ends up getting with the house at the end, so theres that

My last final girls are Belle and Julia from Sleep Over (title also in progress) i hesitate to call Julia a final girl since shes the antagonist, but she does end up alive at the end with Belle so ig she counts. very horror comedy with an over the top weird girl, Belle. Belle is absolutely obsessed with horror and the macabre, extending to serial killers and such. she has an entire room dedicated to horror props and set pieces, and she’s extremely elitist about her opinions on the genres. shes very much like May from the movie May, super awkward but much more outgoing with it. Julia and her crew are the new up and coming serial killers of the city, and decide Belle is gonna be their next target. Belle, already unhappy with the groups work and considering a shame to true serial killers, turns her house into a deadly home alone mixed with saw style death trap, and the serial killer trio slowly realize theyre the ones trapped in the house. I really want to give Julia and her crew popular mean girl type vibes. Like hair done poofy, cherry earrings, gold rings, lots of matching pinks, etc. Her and Belle dont end up together or anything but they do get the same life sentence, and the movie ends with what looks like them breaking out together

and thats my girls <3

#.ask #wah sorry this is so long i ddint realize till i was done LOL #also adeline from haunted house is a gilf #and also a personification of the house

[taegularities]

RID 🫶

i missed you a bunch! how are ya? i just ate some scrumptious sushi 🫡 im also about to start my next sem and im lowkey dreading it 😅 on fridays i have class from 12 to 6, which is ROUGH! to top it off, my college is about 3 hours away from home, so the last bus that leaves on fridays is at 4pm... meaning if i wanna go home for the weekend i gotta come sat and leave sun (too stressful, im dropping out immediately) 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

ALSO i just read your note to fellow writers and a part that really stuck out to me was when you talked about how you had a realization that there is no reason to put yourself down. GIRL lemme tell you my theory... i think our brains are our biggest enemies 😤 which is incredibly unfair bc im literally giving that bitch a home and its gonna BETRAY ME LIKE THAT??? 🤨

no but seriously, i once saw a tiktok that described anxiety as self-bullying and it made me giggle 🤭 but in reality it's true LOL. now when im spiraling with negative thoughts about myself, i stop and ask "why am I bullying myself?" 🤨🤨 thing are never as drastic as our brains make it and i hope you realize that your writing hasn't worsened at all. if anything, it bloomed 🫶 (poetic af, im coming for ur skills fr)

i love you and im super excited for ur future projects! ❤️

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️

BABE i missed you, too !! omg girl idk what the hell happened last night, but i have such a bad pain in my back, i can barely move LOL so i've been resting. but it sounds like you're well !!! sushi? it's been like two months since i had good 🍣, i'm jelly 😭

tf, your college life sounds exhausting babe 😭 but power through, i know you can do it. once it's over, we'll celebrate 🥂

and lmfaoo yeah no you're right, we do sabotage ourselves a lot. i'm someone who overthinks the dumbest things, and i've been asking myself, too, why i'd put myself in such a position. like, it's okay to feel that way, but in the end, we're definitely worth happiness, so... we need to have faith in ourselves. and kdhshdh thank you !! 😭 my lil poet, your words really motivate me a lot, and make me wanna keep writing. i love you, did you know !! 😤🤍

#i'm so excited for cmi6 but also so stressed jdhshhff i rlly hope you guys like it #and that it's not bad/boring 🤍 #notes for rid 🌹 #wife from war anon 💂🏼‍♀️ #fic: colour me in

[d4rkpluto]

For the intuitive message exchange 🕊

I felt that I should tell you about some good things coming your way

- kind words from someone who is younger than you

- a post on one of your social medias receiving more attention than usual

- a day, early in the week next week, where you feel hopeful

- & something red (not totally sure what this means, but something good & it’s red)

All of these things should happen in less than 2 months !

&&&& My 12H is in Sagittarius & my initials are G.V. 🤍

♇ hello thank you so much for your patience @earthyaries and thank you for your exchange!

♇ i really need that hopeful energy because rn it's so bad!!! the only red thing that i know is coming my way is my period and perhaps the social media is tumblr? because rn im not in the mood to receive social media attention but if it's supposed to come my way i should accept it <3

your question - good things coming your way

my answer -

♇ im hearing clarity about something you're stuck on? relief might be coming your way which will make you feel more relaxed, you'll be feeling more free.

♇ you might travel somewhere? it could be short-distance but you'll really appreciate it, it could be a girls night or you treating yourself for something.

♇ i keep on seeing night-lights. something in the dark [outside] might happen that'll make you happy, or you'll receive a text at a specific time that'll make you more happier.

♇ i just keep on seeing the word clarity, i feel like the bullshit that people try and interrupt you with will simmer down.

♇ make sure to leave feedback in the comments or in the reblogs!

#plutogames

[freyito]

ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴍʏ ᴏʟᴅ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ⨟ ᴋᴇɴꜱʜɪ ᴛᴀᴋᴀʜᴀꜱʜɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

✩ summary: kenshi runs from his feelings. he runs from you. he is not proud of who he is, and worries about who he will become. yet, amidst the heavy thoughts that run rampant within his mind, a single spark of joy. you.

━━━━━━━━

✧ a/n: i had a dream i kissed kenshi the other night and ohhhh im reeling. perhaps i am too far gone HOWEVER. needed it. ANYWAYS it gave me and idea and here i am >:3 this is also based off my hc that kenshi has depression, so i apologize if this is a little... niche and waaaay too self indulgent but it's healing!!

🗒 cw: gn reader, yakuza kenshi, pre-story kenshi, angst, hurt/comfort, hints at depression, hints at suicidal ideation, proofread

✎ wc: 1581

It is not uncommon for you to not see Kenshi for days, sometimes even weeks. He does this to separate his life and yours, even if he’s your partner. He is afraid of getting you caught up in his business, in the wrong crowd. Kenshi is proud to have you as his partner, but bragging gets him nothing within the Yakuza. It is no secret that he hates this life, he wishes for nothing more than to escape it, and bring you with him. To reclaim his family’s blade and lead the Taira out of the shadows. Unfortunately, he also has a habit of focusing on just this fact– that Sento seems to be his only way out.

Kenshi doesn’t mean to neglect you. He loves you, and this is why he runs. To keep you safe. But it’s not like you haven’t seen the blood he’s shed. You know the worst side of him, almost as intimately as he does. In the end, it doesn’t matter to you. You’ve seen past that, the vicious personality he puts up for the Yakuza. He’s kind at heart, you know this. And that’s why he runs.

It had been several days since you last saw Kenshi, he sent you a couple of texts, but you are left unsatisfied. It may be selfish of you, but you know Kenshi has a habit of running. Hiding. You’d be damned to let this man get away with that. Perhaps it was some sort of longing that urged you to search for him, or maybe you were afraid of something else. Tonight, you told yourself, you would find him. Even if you knew you shouldn’t be out this late, Kenshi couldn’t run from you forever. He couldn’t run from his problems, either. 

It feels like you’ve searched all of Tokyo, the cool night air starts to sting. You don’t remember when you started, but it had to have been several hours. Your last target was Yoyogi Park, a place you two frequented when Kenshi was unoccupied and you had free time. You can already hear Kenshi scolding you for being out so late, how dangerous it is, yada yada yada. But you had remained unscathed, thankfully.

The park is empty, as it should be. Granted, there’s a lot of ground to cover. You start by the lake, hoping to find Kenshi on a bench nearby. The sound of the water paired with the soft breeze that ran through the trees every so often almost felt soothing, in a way. As if the world itself was telling you it was okay. Which you confirmed, when you saw Kenshi’s form, illuminated by the warm light of the street lamps. He was hunched over slightly, his head propped up by his hand. 

Kenshi’s focus snapped when he heard you, sitting straight up, his body tensing as he looked over at you. It took him a moment to recognize you, his mind still hazy from the thoughts that ran rampant within his mind. But when he registered it was you, his body relaxed, and he placed his hands in his lap. He had been like this the past couple of months, really. Somehow, he always found himself stuck in his mind, thinking, and thinking. You had reason to believe it was about Sento, considering the man had clung to the very thought of the sword as if it was his only saving grace.

When you sat down next to Kenshi, his gaze moved back to the lake before him. It’s quiet, comforting, in a way. You place a hand on his back, a silent assurance. You are unsure what to say, but you feel his body relax even further as you caress his back. Perhaps the contact is all he needed, he refuses to turn his head towards you.

You two stayed like this for a couple of minutes, your hand eventually settling on his shoulder. With a soft sigh, he finally looks at you, a melancholy look on his face. His eyes are slightly glossy, his lips pulled into a frown. Kenshi is not upset with you, nor is he upset with your touch. In fact, he leans into it. He’s upset with himself. To be so vulnerable, torn up about being a gangster. He believes he should be better, he should be stronger. To crumble at the touch of his lover… that’s not right, is it?

But it is. Kenshi can’t help but feel like it’s okay when you’re around. He can run and hide all he wants, but ultimately, his heart leads right back to his lover. For a moment he wonders if it is okay to speak, if what he says next will make him seem repulsive to you.

“I’m scared,” Kenshi mutters, his voice low and soft. He watches your face intently, his actions banking on your reaction. He is expecting pity, disgust, maybe even horror. But he is met with none of those things. Simply a look of… pride. Pride that he can admit that. You have no words, but perhaps they aren’t needed. It seems him speaking his thoughts out loud made him feel lighter.

The silence spreads out over another minute or so, Kenshi’s eyes finally meeting your gaze. For a second, he tells himself to look away. Enough of this, he thinks. But he can’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from yours. You reach up hesitantly, and cup his face. You trace the scar on his cheek with your thumb gently, letting out a sigh as he leans into it. 

“May I?” You break the silence, your gaze travels to his lips, then back up to his eyes. Kenshi lets out a soft huff, a small smile gracing his lips as he nods. You close your eyes and lean in, closing the distance between you. It’s a sweet kiss, his lips are warm despite god knows how long he had been outside this night. His stubble tickles your face lightly, you stifle a giggle. However, Kenshi catches onto this,– as he always does– and he smiles against your lips. 

When you pull away, your eyes open to a welcome sight. Kenshi’s smile, slightly crooked, but a smile nonetheless. Something you are happy– and proud! – to see. But a kiss and a smile doesn’t exactly change things, however, it is progress. Regardless, it was a reminder for Kenshi. Despite his “occupation”, his status, he still had something, someone who would find him. Maybe it would take a little more time for him, but running away felt like it should have never been an option. Part of him still screams at him to run, hide away, that it truly is the best option for him AND you. But he swallows that feeling. 

Your hand falls from his cheek, finding one of his. He turns his palm upwards, a silent invitation. You intertwine your fingers with his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Your thumb traces over his tattoo, almost absentmindedly. It is a habit you picked up, gods knows where or when. His smile falls for a moment, eyes looking anywhere but you. 

A reminder, the ink is a reminder. Kenshi can’t help but hate them. In these moments where he lost himself to his own mind, he couldn’t help but feel some sort of insecurity creep up on him. But when he feels your grip loosen, and your hand eventually snakes away from his, he furrows his brows. He does not mean to push you away, he didn’t mean to express his thoughts, whether it was his words or how he emoted. 

“Come on,” Kenshi starts with a soft huff. His tone much more light, a stark contrast to the grave tone he took on earlier. He grabs your hand, refusing to let the contact he sought out slip away from him. He brings it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on each of your knuckles, his stubble earning another giggle from you. At that, his lips twitch into another smile, one that is more confident.

Maybe there was something else to push him forward, something that isn’t Sento. It’s hard for him to break away from those thoughts, every day within the Yakuza garners more nihilistic thoughts. For him, it feels like it only gets worse and worse with each day that passes. It’s hard to remember the happier moments, shrouded by the blood on his hands. Sometimes, he can’t discern whether the hatred he holds is a hatred of himself, or the Yakuza. Perhaps it’s both. But it’s small moments like these, and the bigger gestures behind it, that help him sober up from the darkest place within his mind. Yes, he’s a little on edge, he doesn’t know how long you’ve been out, but with the world he lives in, you being out at night horrifies him. Truth be told, his stomach flipped ten times over when he saw you. His mind ran through all the possible situations that could’ve happened. Yet, here you were, unharmed. Kenshi knows he should be happy because of this, but his mind hasn’t stopped thinking of the possibilities. 

Back in the present moment, Kenshi lowers your hand. He squeezes it once, for good luck. His eyes run over your face for a second, before turning to the lake in front of you two. With one last look, he gets up, and brings you along with him. “Let’s get you home.”

© freyito, 2024 | masterlist | queue | kofi DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

#⁺◟freyito #mk1 x reader #mk x reader #mortal kombat 1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #kenshi takahashi x reader #mk1 x gn reader #mk x gn reader #mortal kombat 1 x gn reader #mortal kombat x gn reader #kenshi takahashi x gn reader

[makahimetenshi]

Two separated ways - Chapter 10 - Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor x Paladin Danse Fallout 4 Fanfic

Oh my god I cant believe Fanfiction is counting the views again after half year.

Can you believe it? I keep writing and uploading this with 0 views and almost 0 possibilities of getting visualized again. I just keep writing, and writing and writing.

Damn I finalized Follow me into the wastelands with the view stopping at half story :C

Perfect connection also suffer from the same, it has only 3 views because it started to count them just now. I mean I can write one of the lemons I left stuck to bump it up again. To see if people gives it a chance and start counting at least some views

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and comments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive comments of wanting to know what happens next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

She take a second to explore her surroundings with her eyes, trying to calm herself and the rhythm of her heart.

Oh she may be delirating.

-Arthur what are you talking about? What changed? –why? Why this feels so rushed? A hint of pain appeared on her chest, something was off, very off.

He didn’t seems secure about it, less happy. Never expected much emotions but at least security! Never tried to oblige him!

-The council of elders is pressuring me to bear children, that’s all –he said with a dead voice, yeah he wasn’t comfortable- and I feel like I own you an apology. You were serious about this since the beginning and talk me with straight words –he was serious, stiff today, hard to reach- I wasn’t sure of what I wanted and I delayed it, loosing your time and opportunities, I should do something else

-Like what? –she ask sitting on a chair next to his desk, Arthur move a chair and also sit in front of her

-Get my shit together –he said looking at his hands open, Nora place a hand on his knee, soft, not wanting to scare him.

-You don’t seem like you want to

-I wasn’t so sure before and now im obliged im nervous, that’s the true –he look at Nora and then laugh low, feeling small- you are not backing up now don’t you?

-You need to consent to this im not doing anything you don’t want

-I do I do, I consent, it just doesn’t feel so good now im obliged

She picked up his hands-if you don’t feel comfortable im not comfortable either, im not obligating you

-I can do this –he said taking a big breath of air- you are in?

-Yes –ah she had such a pretty feminine voice…whiling to do it with him.

But truth is it wasn’t easy.

-Then lets have dinner together tonight alright? I just summoned you to talk right now it would be rude –he was interrupted by the woman jumping out of her chair to sit on his legs, nothing dirty, just sit on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders,  leaving him speechless for a moment until he recompose- for you its just so easy doesn’t?

-What do you mean? –said Nora with a small smile- im just giving you some extra help –the woman left a soft kiss in his forehead, making the man blush- you know what? I think we should make dinner together, it will relax you, put your head in some other place

For her it was a wish, for him a duty, it was only natural that he was nervous.

-Alright which ingredients do you want me to get?

-I was thinking in a Squirrel stew, its going to be fun to work together although im not an expert in wasteland recipes.

-Got it, ill see you in my quarters at 9…I promise  I will be less nervous –she gets up from his legs with a smile, her heart was pounding hard on her chest.

Finally, she got it.

She has him.

-Alright, ill use the noon to have my stuff done by night –she was about to cross the door when she hear his voice a last time.

-And im sorry…again.

Nora  appeared in his door wearing some Checkered shirt and slacks. Hu. Weird, he would expect something else since tonight was an special occasion but okay he can work with what he had after all she was super hot naked anyway. He had some T-shirt and slacks…was his imagination working or both were dressed pretty simple?

-I wouldn’t choose white for cooking –said the woman getting inside his quarters, closing the door and leaning on top, looking at him.

Gosh wasn’t her gaze really intense today? Arthur suddenly felt overwhelmed. Oh gosh tonight he had to deliver.

-Speaking of witch I already wash and disinfect the vegetables

-Cool, ill cut the squirrel bits then, I suppose you don’t wanna do the dirty work yourself –when she said that the man roll his eyes and hit her hip with his, making both laugh as he picked the knifes and give one to her-Ill put some music, years passes since I arrived to this damn place and there’s still almost no radios

-Its true, there was more radios in the commonwealth –he said hearing in the background how she played with the radio, trying to pick some station until some old jazz was playing. He started cutting the vegetables in little cubes, Nora came from behind and leave a bowl at his side while she make her place in the uncomfortable table both were working on.

At least the squirrel was peeled, Arthur was surprised with her ability to take the bones and guts out,  throwing it to the trash.

-When you are done with the cubes boil 750ml of water and throw the vegetables –she said starting to cut the  meat in cubes, alright- ill take care of the rest

In no time he had a prewar wife cooking for him, he sighted at the view of the woman preparing both dinner, and It was right, just spending this moment together working in something so simple and mundane really relaxed him…something so little like preparing dinner in a chill environment was a change he didn’t know he needed…Peace was always something so weird to see in the wastelands…

When the soup started to boil Nora open one of the man bottles he had scattered all over his quarters

-You sure you don’t want to start with some aqua pura? –said  Arthur picking a pair of glasses.

-Im fine with this Chateau Montrose, everybody in my family despised it-why? He liked that wine-but I never truly understood the problem

-You have a big family-he asked while she poured the liquid into the glasses-do you know if any of them is alive at least in a vault? –or get turned into a ghoul over the years to survive- of course your situation was pretty abnormal but you cant give anything for granted in the wastelands –maybe one of them also fall into a horrendous vault-tec experiment

-I lost all interest when I realized I wouldn’t get nor Nate or Shaun back to me, that was the family I really wanted by my side…don’t get me wrong im sure I can track them down, people donsnt just vanish in the air, they always leave traces but I honestly don’t have the interest to look after them –first glass, drinked it all down her throat- besides 7 brothers and mother and father, it’s a big job to cover, we were scattered all around the country when the bombs dropped, business trips, campaign, phs in universitys, investigations, is pretty strange because my father started having kids with my mother at his 20s, but then I was the only one who give him a grandson at 35, none of my brothers actually had a family

-Nor wives?

-No, several  women but no childs, I understand if they don’t wanna get married because of their position and power but It always amazed me how they avoided so much to have children…me and Nate also did a good job, we purposely tried for Shaun

There was a true, they were a few years apart but besides that Nora had a completely different experience in life, much more than him, but also completely different than any wastelander.

-It amazes me to hear you say how you all avoided pregnancy’s…that’s not possible here –of course at saying that Nora looked at him in silence- except for pulling out of course –now he drinked on his wine, ashamed-so your father was in his 60?

-80, he was being pressured to abandon his politic career actually due to his age, although he was a healthy man without problems

-What about your mother?

-Why the sludden interest on my family dead almost 250 years ago?

-Well I need some background to tell historys to our childrens –the woman blushed and then drink more on his wine, making him smile- you pretty much read all mine

-Im sure most soldiers read all your family drama

The woman get up to stir spoon in the soup saucepan, Arthur saw her while drinking, refilling both glasses, admiring her figure. He was really having a domestic scene doesn’t? A wife making dinner.

But he will never make her his wife, not if she wasn’t willing to ever love him because her thoughts were filled with another man. Maybe the mother of his children but never a wife, and he must remember that, he should always be aware to not fall in love and not crave for her unless things change. No matter how perfect their connection is or how good their chemistry envolves. The things Danse said about her disturbed him a lot, she didn’t seem that dangerous around, never exposed that part of herself around him yet.

Yet was an important word, he had to be alert.

-It smells good –he said looking at her.

-As good as wastelands food can smell –she replied taking out the pots to start serving their soup- meat looks nice and cooked, lets eat!

He felt like experimenting joy for the first time in his life after tasting that stew. Cooked  with tenderness and dedication by a prewar wife…widow…prewar widow…and despite being so simple and small, it was a nice time they were spending together. It certainly put his mind  a bit at pause about the ideas of the unknow future and the  obligation on whether or not to have to make an heir. But just for that brief moments.

But it wasn’t as easy.

Shut down his mind from all the uncertainty, doubts and fears wasn’t easy, it was something it needed time and right now he wasn’t in the right mood, specially if he wasn’t sure about knowing her.

So the delivery wasn’t perfect.

-You want to be on top or…-she asked moving off sighting, clearly pissed, which didn’t help the man to be less nervous or upset.

-Nono i…-nooooo now it wasn’t the time to have problems with erections!

-Its okay maybe being in control may help you –said Nora trying to be condensandent but it didn’t help much, he can’t maintain it hard to the end.

Things happened between them but he was sure he liked her, she was hot and amazing in bed, it isn’t like he is not turned on!

-No, i…-he tried so hard to step in and say fluent words, to not interrupt himself- I don’t feel so good right now –it was the true, the pure true.

He had a lot of anxiety, a terrible hole in the chest  and a brain that wont shut up. No, he wasn’t ready to have children, he had to but he wasn’t ready himself.

-Alright –she simply said, sitting at his side and placing a hand on his cheek- do you want me out? Need a time for yourself?

Arthur can see she was pissed and annoyed of course, being obliged to stop wasn’t funny, he should take care of her before but the thing is he wasn’t in the right mood to have sex right now, non  to perform it or receive it apparently, he felt like non sex vibes from the moment she crossed the door and apparently that didn’t change for him

-No…-he mumble feeling pathetic, looking at his soft sad cock between his legs- you can stay

-Okay –she answer taking his hand, not looking at him, just staying at his side- should I dress?

-Not necessary, can we sleep together? –he mumble and she nodded with her head, laying on the  bead moving the sheets over them.

This was bad, he never had this problem before, but maybe not say to her that it was the first time it happened…

His mind was screaming at him that he didn’t want to have children, she wasn’t the problem, he wasn’t ready.

-Don’t worry –she said with a clearly fake smile, she had pitty for him, he can see it- don’t push yourself.

Women were not easy on men when they don’t deliver, and Nora wasn’t any different, she can talk nice nonsense all what she wanted but her expressions and moods were crystal clear, same with her body language, she wasn’t satisfied nor happy with this situation after all a man who cant hold an erection was the last thing she needed right now, and Arthur can’t really sustain this situation much, his time was running out to make the next Maxson generation.

Why now?

Despite her own frustration and how tense her body was, she places her chest on his face and hug him to sleep together, spreading her body heat.

She was smart, and knows that placing more stress over him wouldn’t help.

The next morning he wake up to piss early, and found between his legs a huge erection. Nora had him enclosed in her arms while sleeping deeply, relaxed like nothing was going to hurt her inside that room. The man silently moved out from the bed to the bathroom and after fighting to pee straight into the toilet and not drip outside he washed, figuring out that this boner will not go down with just cold water.

He sighted, maybe it was a good moment to try now.

When laying down his eyes fixiated on her, the way she breathes, the shape of her shoulders, her curves, the scars all along her skin, her lovely small breasts, the different tones of her skin…she was a well cooked cake, heated in the wastelands sun…a hand place on her hip while he stand on his elbow over the matress to start leaving kisses all over her face trying to wake her up, just little wet smooches to not disturb her sleep so suddenly.

-Sorry to wake you up –he mumble with a raspy voice, newly woken up voice.

-What time is it? -she whispered with difficulty, slowly opening her eyes, sitting up, but before anything, the hand that was on her hip grabbed one of her and put it on top of his member so that she could feel it and…decide-oh

-We can go back to sleep -she shook her head and even with a lot of sleep and her lids heavy she approached him to leave a kiss on his lips, a simple one, simply resting her lips on his, but firm and determined, pushing her head slightly against him, Arthur responded by moving his lips softly and there she rose up on her elbows.

-Im okay –she whisper against his lips and suddenly for her surprise this time the man took the iniciative and sat on top of her legs, leaning down to kiss deeply, she moaned soft on the insides  of their mouths but quickly responded with her hands all over his back.

Arthurs hands started to travel all around her curves, moving, the palm of his hands closing and pitching all her warm flesh while slowly to not overwhelm her moved his lips more rough, trying to intensify the kiss to devour her but not being too greedy yet since he just wake her up, slowly, build that tension slowly. Catching her thighs and ribs making her jump in surprise at the rough touch, sniffing against his nose with her hot breath.

Nora stand as much she was able to match heights, also corresponding to the increasing passion, biting on his lower lip and sucking on his tongue by moments letting his tongue invade her mouth to map it, tasting every corner despite the morning breath, she felt welt and soft in her cavity. Neck and shoulders relaxed, legs soften and fingers slide carefully over the skin of his back down his sides making him sight at the sweet sensation.

Slowly both  started to devour the others mouth,  leaning their heads and pushing against the other like it was a fight for dominance, he liked her resistance, knew that she did it to give more and satisfy him, loved how much she gives in that area.

One of her hands moved up to hold his neck and secure the kiss, not letting him move away from her lips like it was a command he was very willing to follow, the other hand moved down to the front, caressing the hairs of his happy trail with the tips of her fingers moving to his crotch, handling finally his cock making him jump in surprise and groan of pleasure.

-You are fine? –the real question was if she was more awake, to not pressure or make her think they were in a rush but now she was holding him he was feeling an urge.

-Im ready –she mumbles in the middle of the kiss starting to jack him off, Arthur moaned in her mouth and move a hand up to grope a boob, now making her moan, exchanging, specially when the pads of his fingers pitched her nipple playing with the tip- please make me a mommy.

That phrase stop him in his place for a second, but quickly recompose and push her down on the bed, opening her knees to get between her long  slim legs holding on his cock.

That morning he finally cum inside

#fallout 4 #elder maxson #arthur maxson #sole survivor #paladin danse #paladin danse x sole survivor #makahimefanfic

[mindovermatterismagicc]

finally the time i can write on here as youre asleep.

you look so beautiful tonight

i just miss you so much and everything been happening lately has just confused me so much. for you it might have been that you dodged a bullet by not coming here but what about me? what have i done to be receiving this? like just one day of all that excitement and joy for what? i saw that being stolen right from my own hands. like why, what have i done to deserve it and all the times you couldnt come here before? im not saying its your fault baby i know you try your best each time but when will i be capable enough of getting it. im just so tired man, ive been looking forward about it since the initial month we started talking but till this date even after fasting for it and doing as much i could, you decide to steal it right from my hands all between a span of a day? why god why.

its the voice in my head, what do you mean im not ready still what the fuck is to be ready to literally her come see me for days. why do i have to be ready for that like how does that make sense. what do you mean when the times right? 9 months. how long are you going to make me wait? and forget waiting why would you give me so much hope each time and take it all away like why the taunting, i feel so humiliated.

if youre reading this baby this was just a monologue of me and the voice in my head please ignore this last paragraph

but yeah, man is greedy, its true. im a greedy man but im a greedy man for the things i love, well ofcourse every man is like that but whatever. i want to take a moment to just rewind and stop crying and begging for a second. im typing this at 1:33am on 11/10/2023 as i watch you sleep. you, its you. youve been my dream girl for years, 3 years ago i wish i could be in this position and 9 months ago i just wished i could see you once. wow. years ago i just wised someone would love me and now that i have that i beg that it be physical, atleast its something but like damn. im a loved man, a girl i love so much, loves me too. wow. i love you so much baby. but then its like if i had to wait 3 years just to get love, ill have to wait for it be physical too, its that i know that day would come but the thought that when will kills me.

i just want to cry in your arms, i just want to ball my eyes out i just want your arms to wrap around me and say its all okay im here now, im typing this and im crying on the inside but i cant find the tears for it just today.

im sorry this isnt a physical relationship i know you stick w touch a lot but i wish baby, i wish, and i hope everything i give you is enough just please dont leave me. im so scared.

i love you so so much.

i miss you and well here it goes another post to the mindovermagic account on which vivaan begs to see her but like all the previous 72 posts and months of wishing, another one down the hole. when will it ever be enough? 100? probably not then too but my fingers hurt.

fuck man, another post. i feel like a speaker with a stuck audio. i just want to see you and ill do anything to do so, just please the next one not be false hope, only give me a sign if youre really going to make it happen, im tired of the heartbreak.

[isaacathom]

so im going on holiday, right, for an annoyingly long time (until the very end of september). and ive told all the campaigns that im in about this, because i was only MAYBE going to be available for one week of those games (while im in korea) and then completely unavailable for the other 5 (while im in canada, bc of the timezones, im australian).

and, one by one, each campaign has gone on a hiatus roughly encapsulating that length of time

im in two minds. on the one hand, it means i can continue my streak of having never missed a campaign game (i missed ONE session of my pathfinder campaign bc I was at my brothers wedding, and while I was in a restaurant afterwards I found out that rather than actually play the game they'd just looked at a player's dog, so its a .5).

on the other hand, it means that im indirectly responsible for all three campaigns having no games for the next two months :(

now, its indirect, bc there are obviously other factors. for one campaign, the gm had mentioned earlier that he might have to make it biweekly or take a break to work on his thesis - fair enough! for another, its to allow the gm to work on uni stuff, run some side sessions with smaller groups, and prep for a big mission that'll happen after I get back. for the last, its so the gm can fiddle with 'kinks' that have come up as we keep playing (since we're running an adventure path with some home rules and stuff).

but im also like. :( i specifically didn't want to be disruptive, especially considering i had no authority on how long this holiday was. It was one of the things that motivated me to quit the 4th campaign I was in when I did (in addition to other factors), because based on historical evidence I figured my "temporary absence" would cause a lot of sessions to not be run, whereas if I quit then me not being there would be normal, right, and they can run when just the other 4 show up, right? I couldve quit whenever, but I figured now was a good time so I didn't fuck over 5-6 weeks of the game. (2 of the 3 campaigns earlier are biweekly, LESS of a factor)

and like. I guess im... honoured?? that my presence is valued enough that me not being there would be a significant enough factor to prompt the gms to go 'actually yea lets just take a break instead'. but then also worried that I'm reading too much into it? and being egotistic by assuming thats whats happening? especially in one of the campaigns where theres 8 players, including me and not including the gm, right? like in the one on hiatus for thesis i can slightly inflate my ego more because im basically the party bookkeeper and notetaker, responsible for tracking the inventory of our pack mule and stuff. but mmmmm am i being an egotist. am i thinking about it too much.

i just dont wanna be a buzzkill?? I dont wanna be the reason others miss out on having fun in their fun ttrpgs? and i feel bad that i put them on hiatus?? like again yes there are OTHER reasons, but my absence *is* a factor, and i just ;-;

especially again in the 8 person campaign bc writing my character out for three games is really easy. we established that the ship she's a captain of has been pressed into service patrolling the bay in advance of an invasion by mindflayers or whatever. so shes just. on that ship. actually being its captain. instead of leaving it to her lieutenant, which has been her tactic for the majority of the time she has been captain of that vessel. even with the adventure path one i said, before the hiatus was called, that presumably my character was just ~along with the party~ until they got to the ferry we need, and then would be in their cabin on the ferry reading and completely oblivious to the outside world. sure that ones a little shakier but they did literally uncover a journal of theirs and they have amnesia so deciding to do a deep dive on that bad boy while stuck on a boat seems completely reasonable. bwuuh. (difficult to justify for the thesis campaign bc my character is a) Around, and b) has no way to simply dip for 6 entire sessions that would make sense or wouldn't just fully take him out of the campaign).

whatever. im just antsy because im really stressed about my holiday and full to the achy tit with period hormones that make me grumpy and also even MORE stressed about the holiday. so on, so forth, grumble grumble

#ive been around more often bc it is genuinely quite useful to have somewhere to blurble on without my friends reading it lol #and bc ofc i grew up on this hellsite im very used to and comfortable just rambling on social media. so having my safe space? nice #also i prefer tumblr posts for bitching bc twitters just a pain in the ass and by the time i get to the end of the thread ive forgotten mys #myself. whatever. also i love tags for the (ps: shenanigans) vibe. love that #anyway its just me feeling bad about causing campaigns to go on snooze and then worrying im an egotist

[heystephen]

imma need u to reach put to your friends bestie

as much as we love you and care about you here, there's a big difference to talking to ppl irl if u ask me

and your friends will only find your venting annoying if it's a problem that has a solution that you CAN do but your afraid of doing it and stuck that way for months on end

im only saying all this because i worry about you and i think you should be talking to them about it not closing up when you need someone

i love that you're so considerate of their feelings, but that needs to be a mutual thing and if you don't speak up they might not know you're going through it. and i know even talking about it can make you start feeling a lil bit better if nothing else

i love having online friends and i always wish they could be physically next to me when i need them, which is why talking with irl friends is important too

and you can always ask if they don't wanna talk about something, real friends will tell you because they care about you

that's not to say you shouldn't be using your blog as you wish, im just noting on the fact you said you haven't been talking to your irl friends about all this and they should be just as supportive as we here have been because we all love you equally but they can make up for the fact that we can't give you real hugs

sending you a virtual hug, wishing it could be a real one <3

i mean ur probably right, i just hate being like. a burden?? like i just hate taking up any kind of space or feeling like im bringing depressing vibes to ppl 🫠 ilysm though

#fwiw i did talk to somebody last night and felt a bit better even just doing that #got to explain what’s happening w/ my mom and how I’m struggling w/ it and all #i got mail* #anonymous