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shurisneakers · 3 years

Note

if you're taking ideas for harmless drabbles, i'd love to see one of bucky on one of those dates he mentioned and reader's shenanigans. if you aren't, feel free to ignore this!

a/n: are we really going to let a word limit define what a drabble is? is the vibe and spirit not enough? i say this bc this is 5.7k words long im so sorry. also hey thank you to everyone who piped in with their knowledge of violent geese and how apartment security works in new york!! also thanks to my bby @spiderrpcrker for reading this and telling me to publish this bc i wasnt going to fkjghfkj

warning: swearing, bad luck, dates, frustrated bucky, anxiety, mentions of gore but like only a sentence

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Catch up with the rest of the series here: Harmless Masterlist

Bucky returns only two weeks later. His mission lasted longer than expected and all he wants is to lie down and sleep for forty eight hours straight.

“FRIDAY?” he mumbles, kicking off his shoes. His jacket had already been discarded by his bedroom door when he walked in.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“How are ya?” He doesn’t miss a beat in asking, even though he’s exhausted.

“As good as ever. Did you have a successful mission?”

“If by successful you mean one sprained limb instead of two, then yeah.” He wasn’t really cribbing. His ankle was already starting to heal anyway and it was worth the roundhouse kick to a Nazi's face. “Do I have anything scheduled for this weekend?”

“You have a meeting on your calendar scheduled for this Saturday.”

“Could you send a text to Y/N and ask if we can push it to the next day?” His muscles feel sore and God, he could definitely use a hot shower but all of that becomes secondary the minute he feels the sheets under him.

“Would you like me to reschedule the other one as well?”

“What’s that?” He opens one eye in confusion. “There’s another one?”

“It’s on Sunday. You’ve labelled it ‘date’.”

Ah, fuck.

“Would you like me to change it?” FRIDAY never sounds like she’s judging him, which is nice. It also reminds him about how she, as an AI, can’t judge him, which is a rude wake-up call to how he doesn’t have friends.

“No,” his voice is muffled against the pillow, “no, let it be. Where is it again?”

“You’ve only specified diner, Sergeant Barnes.”

Public space, daytime, plenty of escape routes. Good on his less delirious self for selecting a diner.

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” Now that he’s a little more relaxed, he can feel himself slip in and out of consciousness.

“One last thing," her automated voice commands his attention again. "Y/N replied. She says sure and to take care.”

“Yay.” Not even a second later he’s out like a light.

____

“Did you bring me any souvenirs?” Is the first thing he hears as he marches into your lair.

“What could I possibly get you?”

“A postcard, a t-shirt.” You don’t look up from your tinkering.

“Decapitated finger, used bullets,” he continues, “cement blocks.”

“Ew.” You snap the lid shut on the thing you’re working on, spinning around on your chair. "That's not nearly romantic enough."

“That’s all you’re going to get from a Russian underground bunker.” He does a mini jog up the stairs of the platform to where you are.

“Does the finger have a ring at lea- oh hello?” You raise an eyebrow at the sight of him. “You look different.”

He peers down. The outfit was still all black. As always.

“Not your clothes, dummy,” you interrupt, making him look back at you. “Your face. What’d you do?”

He unconsciously raises a hand to his cheek.

“Did you wash your face? Is that it?” you squint at him. “Has it been a few months since the last time?”

“Wow, you’re so funny,” he drawls sarcastically. “Top tier comedian right there.”

“No wait, it’s the beard.” You snap your fingers in realisation, completely ignoring his comment. “You trimmed it.”

“So what if I did?” He leans on your table.

“You going somewhere?” you ask, elastic snapping against your hands as you remove your gloves.

“It’s none of your busi-”

“Hold on a second.” A sly smile begins to make its way onto your face. “Are you going on a date, Bucky Barnes?”

His comeback dies down in his throat. That didn’t take you very long for you to figure out.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You look smug, to say the least.

“Shut up.” A ray of light glistening distracts him. He traces it to the thing you were working on earlier.

“Where are you guys going?” You cross your arm across your chest, a small smirk on your face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” It’s a silver box, engraved intricately with swirls that, when he observes carefully, looks like a skull. Wow, terrifying.

“I’m literally asking you.”

“What are those?” He shifts the conversation towards a more productive angle instead.

“Evil in a box and some other stuff.” You shrug offhandedly. “Is it a lunch date or just coffee?”

“Like Pandora’s Box?”

“A discount version, sure,” you confirmed impatiently. “Stop changing the topic, listen to me.”

He tilts his head, waiting for you to continue.

“Do you need a chaperone?” The sincerity in your voice for such a bullshit question has him scoffing.

“Good God- no, I do not need a chaperone. I’m 106 years old, I can go out unsupervised.” He reaches over and plucks the box off your table.

“Sir, you’re a geriatric."

“What are those?” He points to a few ray odd ray guns.

“Minor stuff you don’t have to worry about right now.”

He shakes the box in his hand. “What’s gonna happen if I open this?”

“Very bad things,” you whispered ominously before your volume returns to normal. “How’d you meet this person? Online?”

“She’s Natasha’s friend.” He turns the box over, seeing a small latch at the side. “What bad things?”

“Bad luck and misery. Don’t play with it, it’s dangerous.” You pull the box away from him. “Aw, is it a blind date?”

“Why do you care so much?” he shoots back, tugging the box back towards him.

“Just lookin’ out for you, Bucko,” you huff, adjusting your grip on your device. “Need to keep my favourite senior citizen safe.”

“I have a vibranium arm.” Whose force he could use to grab the box once and for all, but wasn’t. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“What if she has one too, huh? Then what?”

“She doesn’t.” As far as he knows, he’s the only one alive with a metal appendage made out of the strongest metal in the world. That could very well change by tomorrow but he's keeping the title for now.

“But what if she does? I swear to- stop trying to take the box!” You pull a little more forcefully, but he doesn’t relent.

“I want this to get over before this evening.”

“What time’s your date?”

“Why do you care?” He’s sure anyone who saw the dumb tug-of-war you both were playing would just automatically assume he was an absolute manchild, not an Avenger.

“Because.” You don’t explain further. “Tell me what time your date is, you weirdo.”

“Five o’clock, now let go.”

“Fine,” you say, suddenly loosening your grip. Clearly, it doesn't make much of a difference since he isn't struggling to keep his balance from the sudden loss of force.

“Fine.” He clears his throat, straightening up.

You don’t say anything. He doesn’t either.

A putrid smell creeps into his nose, one all too similar to spoiled milk and decaying seaweed. He has to physically stop himself from gagging.

“Have a good day.” You smile and lean far back. Too far. It looks like you're almost going to fall out of the chair.

Through the tears that are threatening to line his eyelids, he looks down at the box whose latch you somehow managed to lift, leaving the box open.

“What the fuck is this?” He coughs, swatting at the air in front of him to clear it.

“I told you; bad luck in a box.”

“You can’t scientifically create bad luck, that’s bullshit.” He tosses the box back onto your table. You watch it slide past you, not making any effort to stop it. “What is it really?”

“I’m not lying.” You pull open a drawer, brandishing a small table fan that you set down beside you. “If you open it, you’re going to have terrible luck for the day.”

He glowers at you when you turn the fan on, forcing the fumes back towards him.

“Besides, that’s all I was doing today.” You kick your feet up. “So you can leave now.”

He doesn’t care if you’re lying about not having anything else to do today. You could burn down the world if you wanted to but he needs to take a stupid shower. Again.

“You’re the fuckin’ worst.” He tries airing out his shirt, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.

“Have fun on your date, sarge!” you encourage him as he stalks out of the lair. “Remember to wrap it befo-”

He turns it into a sprint before you can finish.

____

Six hours later and he’s absolutely convinced he fucked up.

He isn’t used to having his weekends free.

He realises that this is the first time in months that he’s actually stepped out of the Tower for something that wasn’t directly mission-related. He should probably get some air. Touch some grass. See the sun.

His shirt thankfully manages to rid itself of the odour from the dumb box so he didn’t have to go take a shower. With nothing much planned and a few hours to spare, he heads to the coffee shop instead.

It’s a small place, bustling and alive with a crowd of people. They have a little bookshelf that usually is full of books donated by patrons, free for anyone to read.

The barista smiles at him. The coffee costs more than his high school education. He awkwardly smiles back.

He’s not a regular, but they’ve seen him enough times to know that he usually asks for black coffee in a to-go cup, later adding a sugar or two according to his own taste. They're nice to him, occasionally throwing in a cookie or something on the house. He can't tell if it's because of the Avenger status or the sizeable tip he leaves.

He picks up a random book from the shelf, fully intending not to read it but to just sit there and think. The book acted as a shield for his resting bitch face, resting murder face and his resting rage face. More often than not, a good combination of the three.

He sets the coffee down at the corner table he manages to nab in a quick second, along with the two sachets of sugar.

“Is this seat taken?” Someone asks from beside him. He earnestly shakes his head in a ‘no’, gesturing for them to take it.

They give him a quick thanks and drag the chair away from his table.

He does a quick overlook of the book he picked up.

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot.

Well, now he’s too anxious to put it back. YA fiction it is.

He reaches for the sugar while glossing over the summary. He reaches a little further when it doesn’t come to his hand immediately, blindly running his fingers across the table.

Bucky peeks over the book, eyebrows knitting together when he notices that they’re missing.

He was sure he picked it up.

He looks underneath the table. It wasn’t there, neither under his seat. Strange, but okay. He picks up the book and the cup, walking back to the station to grab two sugars.

This time he makes sure to tuck it into his pocket, double-checking before going back to his table.

Which was now occupied. He wanted to groan.

His mind automatically reverts back to the box from that morning.

“Come on,” he scoffs quietly to himself. It was a coincidence. “Get yourself together.”

“A seat at the counter just cleared up,” the barista from earlier offers when she sees him standing in the middle of the store.

See? Good luck.

He shoots her a grateful look, venturing over to the barstool to take his place. It’s not the most comfortable, but then again, he wasn’t planning to stay there for very long.

He empties the sugar into the coffee, stirring slowly before opening a random page in the book.

He takes a long sip, ignoring how hot the drink was.

He chokes immediately. Because either he was losing his mind or his order had somehow got switched from ‘no sugar’ to ‘diabetes in a cup’.

He takes another small sip and his face immediately twists in disgust. Definitely too sweet. The sweetener he added only made it worse.

He catches the eye of the barista. She looks on in concern.

“Is everything okay?”

Fuck.

He’s not one to make a scene. He just wants to live as imperceptibly as he could.

“Yep.” The sweetness sticks to the back of his throat. “All good.”

He just closes his eyes and downs the rest of it without thinking twice, trying to hide the grimace in his face. He gives her a weak thumbs up. She doesn't look convinced.

He leaves the shop soon after, hands shoved in his pocket. Maybe he could go sit by the lake at Central Park, watch the clouds. It reminded Bucky of the lake in front of his hut in Wakanda and the hours he'd sit in front of it, feet dipped into the water as his goats fed. He misses it.

He makes a sharp turn at a corner, still thinking about his options when his ankle abruptly twists under him.

He stumbles rather ungracefully, almost hitting the ground, but manages to save himself through the newly built up immunity he has towards falling thanks to all his encounters with you.

His gaze lands on his hardcore combat boots. Their laces had come undone.

Now he just knew that was horseshit. He always double knots them; they had never loosened in the past before.

The box.

He shoves the thought out of his head, crouching down to tie them again. He tugs on them to make sure they’re secure before standing up again.

Central Park is a few blocks away but he’s glad he didn’t bring his bike. The weather was rather nice and the wind in his hair felt good.

He wanders around the park for a while, looking for the lake. He pauses at a board with a map of the park on it, assessing how far it was.

Once he's ascertained which path to go towards, he turns on his heel to go.

He fucking trips again.

“Are you serious?” he says furiously under his breath. “Cut it out.”

He’s half-convinced that he should tie it around his ankle like a sexy lace-up set of heels. He ties a triple knot this time, glares at it until he’s sure it’s fine and checks to see if anyone saw him humiliate himself.

Only a person on a nearby bench who looked like they were passed out drunk, given that their hoodie and sunglasses clad self was slumped over.

No witnesses. No 'You won't BELIEVE what the Winter Soldier did! Critics say it's his biggest blunder yet!' articles the next day on social media.

He manages to make it to the lake in one piece and no more falls, partly because he keeps his eyes fixed on his shoes to ensure no fuckery occurs.

There are a few people rowing and plenty of others lining the bank at scattered locations. There’s a mom and her kid at the place he ends up. She sends him a small smile in greeting and he returns the favour.

There’s a secluded bench that he takes a place on, letting out a small sigh. If he ignores the traffic and the skateboarders and the people in general, it’s actually kind of peaceful.

There are geese and their little goslings swimming around the water close to the shore. Maybe he should have brought some birdseed. Or kale.

The kid beside him is busy fashioning something out of leaves, only occasionally erupting into giggles when it doesn't pan out. His mom watches him fondly, pointing at twigs he could use. Everything seems kind of picture-perfect and his body automatically relaxes, easing further into the seat and closing his eyes for a second.

Until there's a large splash and loud distressed honking. He whips his head around to find the same kid staring straight ahead at the goose with a wide grin. His mother curses quietly, picking herself up off the ground and grabbing his hand, half chastising him for throwing something at an animal and half urging him to walk faster.

The goose turns to Bucky. With no one else to blame for the sudden attack, it logically launches itself at him. His smile drops.

He gets up in a rush. The dumb bird nearly comes for his head, but he deflects with his metal arm.

“I didn’t even do anything.” He swats at it swiftly, trying not to cause any real damage. The goose, understandably, does not speak English.

He flinches when one of them bites at his knee. He can punt it to the sun but he doesn’t want to.

“Stop that.” He sticks his hand out to shove the stupid thing away, retreating back to the road. “Jesus, why are you so aggressive?”

Among the barrage of feathers showering on him, he prays his damn shoelace doesn’t unravel as he shields his head with one arm, the other fending himself while he moves hurriedly away.

The goose honks angrily at him. He scowls at it, not exactly pleased with the reminder that these fucking overgrown ducks were constantly bloodthirsty.

It doesn’t leave him alone till he’s significantly away from where he was sitting. He wants to call it profanity but that’d probably piss it off more.

The box and its effects were definitely starting to feel real.

Fuck it, no more day out for him. The best plan he can think of is to just go to the diner he’s supposed to meet his date at.

The waiter greets him with a courteous nod, which Bucky can only imagine was the best he could muster when a dishevelled 200-pound man walks in covered in goose feathers and irritation.

He won't admit that he’s too scared to eat lunch at this point because he can’t rule out food poisoning. He spends the next two hours on his phone playing Fruit Ninja and plucking feathers that accented his all-black outfit.

Several glasses of water later and a second before he’s about to beat his high score, someone taps on his shoulder, breaking him out of his concentration.

Motherfu-

He clenches his eye shut, inhaling deeply before turning around.

“James?”

“Hey, yeah, that’s me.” Bucky almost falls over the table with how fast he stands up, clearly underestimating his size. “Leah?”

“Hi.” She smiles and he finds himself smiling nervously along with her.

“Hi.” He steps out to pull out her chair for her and she laughs. "Nice to meet you."

“How long have you been waiting here?” she asks while setting down her bag.

“Around ten minutes.” He clears his throat to hopefully hide the fact that he was lying through his teeth.

“Just give me a second, I need to tell my friend I reached,” Leah pulls out her phone and he nods.

“Another glass of water for you?” The waiter seems less enthusiastic about Bucky’s 8th refill.

“Yes,” he answers, hoping he doesn’t call him out on it, “please.”

“You must be really dehydrated."

Bucky turns to look at him slowly. “I like the taste.”

He can’t really blame the guy. Bucky’s been there for hours without ordering anything solid, just leaching off their free water and complimentary bread basket.

“So, James.” She tosses her phone back into her bag, leaning forward on her palms easily. “Tell me about yourself.”

He had rehearsed this a million times. He could do this.

“I, uh,-”

“Menu?” Okay, so someone clearly had a vendetta against him.

“Thank you.” She takes it with a smile.

His morning debacle with the coffee flashes through his mind. Suddenly the idea of a diner didn’t seem so smart.

However, she’s already placed her order and George is standing beside him expectantly, daring him to ask for another glass of water, so he places his usual order and hopes that your stupid bad luck thing wore off.

He quickly learns that his date is laid back, and it isn’t hard to fall into a rhythm with her even though she’s the one asking most of the questions.

“How’d you meet Nat?” Is his attempt at one.

“She used to come in for lunch every week at the place I work.” Leah leans back in her chair. “She can really handle her alcohol.”

He’d be worried about Nat day drinking if he didn’t know about her complete inability to get drunk. She might as well have been downing glasses of lemonade.

“Yeah, she’s-” Intimidating, scary, cool “-really something.”

“She mentioned that you like movies.” He definitely spends a lot of time watching them. “You got any recommendations?”

It’s easier to figure out how different things are or how much he missed out over the years through them. He’s glad he sat out the early 2000s, judging by their fashion sense and hairstyles.

He's watched several movies over the past few months, a few of them critically acclaimed and others who were just there for the cult following.

But now everything goes blank and the only thing that he can remember are the biopics made about Steve that were somehow hilarious for gifting him the mental image of Freddie Prinze Jr. dressed in the stars and stripes, and highly distressing for the number of historical inaccuracies. Contrary to popular belief, Stevie did not, in fact, consider running for president after he took up the shield, nor did he start his own bar chain.

He can’t name Oh Captain, My Captain starring Channing Tatum as his favourite movie on his first date and hope to make a good first impression.

“Despicable Me was kinda fun.” He wants to kill himself. “I mean, it’s the last one I saw.”

Her face twists in mild disgust, but he can tell it isn't ill-intentioned. “It's a good movie, but God, that just gave me some intense flashbacks to my aunt’s Facebook page. Don’t think I can look at a minion ever again.”

He sniggers with her. He doesn’t know what the context is.

He’s a little awkward, and he can definitely tell he isn’t the most open book but she laughs at some of his attempts at jokes. There’s a distinct discomfort he has lingering at the back of his mind prodding at him, telling him over and over again that he isn’t ready for something like this. A warning bell, asking him to leave as soon as possible because he was in a dangerous situation.

He remembers what his therapist told him about breathing and remembering that the resources he had available were greater than his anxiety and he tries to get out of his head. It takes a few minutes of acting like he's fine but he manages to do it.

Other than the one time he scalds his tongue on the coffee but played it off with a pained smile, shoving down thoughts of your stupid invention, things actually went okay.

It was nice, even though they decided by the end that it was better if they both gelled together better as friends. It lifts the strange fear he feels and he can hear Dr. Mendoza say she's proud of him for taking this step before spending three hours psychoanalysing why they decided to stay platonic.

Bucky promises to visit her sushi shop with Nat soon and she says a bottle of sake awaits him for a drinking game. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Nat and he share the same tolerance for alcohol.

He makes sure to leave George a tip. A big one. It’s the first time he sees the guy smile the entire evening.

He’s waving goodbye to Leah outside and he thinks that maybe it was a good end to the day and that things actually turned out fine.

Until he turns around to leave, only to have someone walk straight into him with an iced tea.

The cold comes as a bit of a shock, making him jump slightly. He stares at his shirt, using his fingertips to pull it away from his body.

The person melts into a series of apologies immediately, offering to dry clean his shirt but Bucky just forces a shake of his head and says it’s okay even though he can feel the sugar making the shirt stick to his chest. Goose feathers and iced tea. Was there anything else that would like to attach itself to him?

His fists clench and his teeth grit and he has to physically control himself from sprinting to your lair because God knows what else is in store for him and he didn't want to add in any way.

The door to the lair is locked. Fuckin’ brilliant.

When no one answers after minutes worth of waiting, he fishes for his phone and realises that maybe two hours of Fruit Ninja was not the best idea, especially on a phone known for having shitty battery life.

There’s roughly 2 percent left. By the time he opens his app to give you a call, his phone screen goes black.

He groans. He’s desperate at this point and under any other normal circumstances, he would have never, ever considered doing this.

But ten minutes later he’s outside your apartment building. You’re aware that he has your address; no doubt that it was in the SHIELD file he had gotten, and he knows that you know but it was still weird.

The buzzer has your last name listed next to it. He’s sure that he’ll break it if he keeps pressing it at this rate but he really needs you to let him in.

“Who the fu-” your voice comes through the intercom.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this, my phone died and I couldn’t reach you,” He breathes out as soon as he hears you. “But I need you to fix this.”

When he doesn’t hear a reply, he wonders if the thing actually worked. He’s about to start pressing it again-

“Bucky?” You sound a little surprised to hear him. “You’re at my house. Why are you at my house?”

“I need you to fix whatever this is.”

“What are you- fine, I’m buzzing you in,” your voice, initially confused soon trails off into something more dismissive.

There’s a soft click from the door, allowing him to push it open. The elevator is already on the same floor as him so he just uses that.

The elevator goes up a floor or two. His feet tap restlessly against the carpeted floor.

The lights turn off and everything comes to a standstill. His foot stops tapping.

He should have known. He should have fucking known.

Thirty seconds pass. He’s still in pitch darkness with the elevator showing no signs of moving.

In fact, he’s resigned to his fate. He sits down on the ground, only one step away from completely laying down and hoping someone finds his body here someday.

It’s six minutes of plain silence. He might as well get comfortable if he’s going to get stuck here for the rest of his life. Did he change his will? Does he even have a will?

There’s finally a whir. He thinks that maybe he’s going to plummet to his doom as the perfect end to this day, but then the light switches on and it starts moving upward.

It stops at the floor with a ding. He doesn’t get off the ground, only eyes the door wearily. With his luck, it wouldn’t open.

But it does and within a second he’s on his feet, scrambling to get out before it changes its mind.

He remembers your door number, basically charging down the hall to get to it.

The door is white and the paint is starting to chip off it. The handle itself is dented in a few places and he wonders if it was your fault or someone else's.

His knocks are rapid, agitated even. He doesn’t stop until he hears your loud shouts telling him to cut it out.

“What the hell were you doing, trying to break down my door?” It swings open, revealing you in your pajamas. “Haven’t you done that already? And where were you, I’ve been waiting for like, ten minutes.”

He honestly feels bad for showing up uninvited and highly flustered. He can’t imagine it’s a pretty sight either. "This bad luck shit- fix it. My whole day’s been fucked up.”

“What are you-” Your eyebrows knit together in confusion, taking in his appearance.

It takes you a second to realise what he’s talking about but when you do, your face settles.

“How was your date?” You lean against the door frame, arms crossed over your chest.

“Really,” He glowered at you, “that’s what you care about?”

“Yes.” You nod. “Did you have fun?”

He hesitates. “I guess?”

“Was she nice?”

“Yeah.” Where was this going.

“Good, I’m happy for you.” The smile on your face is genuine. “Look at you go, Casanova.”

“We agreed to be just friends, but that’s not the point here. Y/N,” he whines. “I have a mission next week, I can’t afford to fuck up. My whole day was off and I don’t want it to carry over.”

“Your whole day?” you questioned, standing up instead of leaning against the wall. “Buck-”

“Just fix it.”

“Okay.” You lift your hand up, extending it towards his face.

He waits for you to do something.

You flick him on the forehead.

“There,” you declare, going back to your previous position. “you’re cured.”

What.

He says exactly what he’s thinking.

You laugh. “Dude. I was fucking with you.”

Huh?

“Well, actually maybe just like, three things and then I got bored.”

He’s confused.

“You know,” you begin when he doesn’t reply, “taking the sugar packets, switching your coffee order when you were looking under the table, took your place when you left, the shoelaces.”

“The shoelaces?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “That’s the other ray gun you saw this morning. Unties your shoelaces. I stopped after that because I thought you figured it out.”

His face scrunches in puzzlement.

“I mean, you looked right at me and told me to cut it out.”

He racks his brain about what you could possibly be talking about before it hits him. The hungover person on the goddamn bench in the park.

“You were the one in the hoodie and sunglasses.”

“I just followed the Avengers’ code of disguise.” You shrug. “Turns out it kinda works. Also teleportation. So helpful.”

He forgot about the teleportation. That's why you could do all of it so fast without him noticing you were even there.

“What about the fucking geese?”

You pause for a second. “The geese?”

“And the elevator.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” The confusion on your face is apparent. “What geese and elevator? I have no idea what you’re saying right now.”

“Everything’s been a mess today,” he grumbles. “I don’t know what’s real or not.”

“I swear I had nothing to do with it other than what I mentioned.” There’s indignation on your features that quickly gives way to delight. “Holy shit, did I just accidentally invent portable bad luck?”

“Okay-” his palm finds its way to his forehead in exasperation, “-then what the hell was the smell?”

“What smell- oh, the one from the box?”

He nods briskly.

“Secretions Magnifique.” You snorted. “It’s a perfume. The worst rated one I could find.”

“Perfume?”

“With notes of milk, seaweed and sandalwood.”

“It wasn’t an inator?”

“No, it wasn- did you get vibe checked by a goose at the park?” You stifle a laugh when you notice a stray feather on his thigh.

“What does that even mean?” he asks in despair.

“I can see why it attacked you. You got bad juju.” You raise an eyebrow. “Maybe if you stop staring so much-”

“So I just have shit luck.” Is that a fucking relief or even worse?

“Well,” you begin but decide not to continue.

Even with all the irritability masking it, you could see that he genuinely was just not having a good time.

“Wait here a second.”

You leave him at the door. He shifts his balance and sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He still had to walk back to the Tower. Maybe he could grab a slice of pizza along the way since he skipped lunch.

“Okay, here.” You return with a large glass of water. He only looks at it. “It’s just water, I promise. You look like you ran a marathon."

He takes it from you sceptically, pushing away the urge to sniff at it. It’s gone within a few gulps.

You wait until he’s finished to point at his arm. He draws his eyebrows together, but you only curl your index finger and beckon for him to give you his hand.

He reluctantly extends it towards you.

“Don’t laugh,” you warn him, taking his metal arm. “This usually helps me.”

You tie a small bracelet around his wrist. It has a few beads, which he realises represent the colours of the solar system.

“Keep that for good luck.” You pat it gently after securing it. “I think you just had a bad day; those don’t last very long. Do you want to charge your phone before you leave?”

“Uh-” The bracelet’s pretty, the colours shine against the dark vibranium. “-no, I’m good. I’ll just leave.”

“Okay. Anything else I can help you with or will you be fine?”

He narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously nice.”

“I’m not evil all the time.” You huff. “My hours are in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he says again. “I’m gonna go then.”

“See you next week.” You give him a little wave. “I’d say break a leg on your mission but knowing your situation...”

He scoffs. “Thanks.”

You make a move to close the door when starts walking down the hallway towards the exit.

He adjusts the beads slightly so he can see them better. The Earth one has glitter in it. He thinks it’s cute.

“Bucky.”

He turns around.

There’s a hint of a smile on your face.

“Take the stairs.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

Next part

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #harmless fic #winter soldier x reader #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes #bucky

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be-gay-do-heists · 3 years

Note

hardison/parker || masc day for parker, potentially while on date with hardison

i think it ended up a little more the dysphoria route with this one but i hope this at least touches on what u were looking for!! had a spark of an idea and had to write it :V

---

If it was just the dress, maybe Parker could stand it.

Hardison had won choosing date night this time around, and he had suggested a new restaurant that recently opened up on the other side of town. A nicer restaurant. Which meant fancier clothes and Hardison had said the dress code recommended dresses so. The dress. It had been fine, leaving the brewpub in it to go meet Hardison at the restaurant. It was comfy enough, the fabric had a nice texture, and it was the same kind of green that you could see if you looked sideways at a professionally cut emerald, which was one of their favorite colors.

It was only upon arriving at the restaurant that they realized they really, really, really did not want to be wearing it.

And if it was just the dress, maybe it would be fine. But they were out in public, and Parker had come to understand over the years that if people in public thought they had your gender clocked, you had to act, walk, and talk a certain way if you didn’t want weird stares, unwelcome attention. A performance that they didn’t particularly have the energy for if there wasn’t a con and the promise of a payout at the end of it. The first “miss” they got from the hostess made them twitch, but they made sure to keep their mask up as they saw Hardison, already at the table, who smiled sunnily as they approached and stood to help with their chair. He was wearing his purple suit, the deep plum colored one that reminded them of a bottle full of red wine.

“Wow. You look amazing, I can’t believe you’ve been hiding that dress for so long,” he said as they both sat down. “It’s not one of Sophie’s?” There was a trace of playfulness in his voice.

“No, it’s mine, I didn’t steal it,” Parker replied, latching onto his good mood for stability. They fidgeted, hyperaware of their bare shoulders and the cut of the dress around their torso. “Well, not from her anyways.”

Hardison snorted in that fond way of his. “Hey, it’s not stealing if it looks that good on you. That’s just proper re-appropriation. Anyways, you’re gonna love this place, the whole idea is normal fancy food, boring boring et cetera, but! They change the colors around so it messes with your senses and makes you experience it differently, you get me? I’m talking like green steaks, purple mashed potatoes. Cool, right?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” Parker agreed absently, discreetly hunching a little and hoping Hardison wouldn’t notice. They fiddled with the utensils on the table, which had little chameleons etched on them. That was fun. This was supposed to be fun, they reminded themselves.

“Hey, you ok?” Hardison asked, brows furrowed.

A waiter came up before he could say more. “Welcome, folks, pleasure to have you with us this evening. Can I start you with drinks?” After Hardison, concern still showing in his face ordered a fruity-sounding cocktail, the waiter turned to Parker. “And for the lady?”

They couldn’t help their flinch, knowing that Hardison saw it, and pulled out their most flawless grifting voice to respond. They deflated a little again once the waiter left.

“Shit. I shouldn’t have said dress. I should have specified that you could have worn anything you wanted, who even cares about restaurant dress codes,” the hacker said, rubbing his hands over his face. Parker had to give it to him, sometimes his brain worked faster than his computers, and he was always twice as perceptive. “Is it a they night? A he night?”

Parker shrugged a little apologetically. “I’m not sure. It’s just really, really not a she night.”

“I’m really sorry Parker, I should have checked in before we came,” Hardison sighed, and having him in the loop did actually make Parker feel a little better. “Do you wanna get out of here? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable for any longer than you have to.”

Parker immediately felt bad again. “No, you won date night, you were so excited about this place.”

“Man, don’t even sweat it,” Hardison reassured them, waving a hand. “We can come back some other time when we’re actually feeling it. Or if it’s never the date vibes, I can ask Sophie if she wants to try it sometime. You know she gets a kick out of dressing up and I’m sure she would call this place ‘an exercise in creative expression and reaction’ or something.” He smiled at Parker’s bark of laughter following his terrible impression of Sophie, which made a couple other patrons startle in their seats.

“I don’t really want to be in this dress anymore,” Parker admitted. “Maybe we could go back to the brewpub and do something there?”

“Hey, if I ever refuse a quiet night in, know that I’ve been replaced with a clone or maybe a mind-eating fungus,” Hardison beamed at them, and flagged down the waiter to pay for their drinks with a tip that made the man’s jaw drop, letting Parker lead the way out.

On the ride home, Hardison gave Parker his suit jacket, pretending he was too hot even though it was damp and cold out. It was far too big for the thief and they thought it was kind of ridiculous how it came down to almost their knees, but the broad shoulders on it made them feel good. And the wine color purple was fantastic, even though they thought it looked far better on Hardison. They said as much, and took a silent satisfaction in the way Hardison ducked his chin to hide his face.

Entering back into the safety of the brewpub and the upstairs apartment took a weight off Parker, and they sighed, kicking off their shoes and slipping off Hardison’s jacket to cast onto the back of the couch. Hardison picked up to carefully keep it from creasing with a “heaven help me” kind of look. “You got everything you wanna wear here? Need anything of mine?”

“Mostly, but…” Parker thought aloud. “Could I borrow one of your shirts? The soft ones?”

Hardison nodded fondly. “Sure thing, lemme grab one.” While he was in the bedroom, Parker stripped off their dress like it was burning them, shaking the feeling of it away once it was off. They spotted their good jeans on the chair by the hallway that Hardison liked to call “Parker’s wardrobe,” where all the clothes they had left while over lived, and rushed to put them on. They were comfy and boxy and had a button-up fly. More buttons felt good.

“Incoming,” Hardison’s voice called, and he entered with his eyes covered, tossing a shirt in their direction. Parker jumped to catch it, and quietly approved of his selection, a wooly flannel type. They wiggled it on, tucking it in slightly, and exhaled in relief on how delightfully big it was, draping off the prominent muscles in their shoulders, leaving enough room on their torso so that the fabric wouldn’t cling to them. They rolled up the sleeves to expose their strong forearms, looked down at their broad hands. Yeah, this was much better, they thought, tying up their hair high.

“I’ve still got those canvases from last time, and the same paints, if you wanna do that. Ooh, I just got some good charcoal too if you’d rather sketch,” Hardison was saying, sifting through his art supplies. Parker bounded over and pressed up against his side. He jumped slightly but turned to look at them. “Feeling better?”

“Lots,” Parker hummed.

The hacker took in their outfit change. “And looking damn handsome too. Real suave, James Dean kinda look.” When Parker wryly grinned and crossed their arms, squaring their shoulders and standing tall, he mimed a swoon (Parker could see the slight, genuine flush that rose to his face). “So what do you wanna do tonight?”

“Dunno, it’s still your date night,” Parker replied, putting a little more husk in their voice and enjoying the way they could see Hardison’s thoughts stutter slightly.

He recovered quickly. “Well, all I want is a nice night in with my fella, whatever we do is gonna be more than alright with me.”

Parker felt another glow of joy at the endearment, and moved to wrap their arms tightly around him, one hand coming up to grip the back of the hacker’s neck. “Thanks Hardison. I really mean it.”

Hardison softened a little against their firm embrace. “Of course, I never want you to be uncomfortable. I love you.”

“I know,” Parker responded, and smiled mischievously into Hardison’s shoulder as he sputtered.

“Oh no you did not—“

#i will die before i stop loving characters talking w and affirming each other #thank u so much for all ur prompts!!! i def hope to get to a couple more of them when i next get some writing energy #i really hope this is somewhat what u were looking for #leverage #miko speaks #my fic #parker x hardison #gender dysphoria #ask #havent had the bad gender feelings in a while so hope this works

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sugar-petals · 3 years

Text

SuperM as Boyfriends Headcanon

↪ caro’s note. extra long version because i miss ‘em. best boys, they’re all bf material to the moon and back ♡

5k words | bullet points

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub play, shibari, female reader, grinding, poly mentions, threesomes, face-sitting, femdom & vanilla, smut and fluff

⌈ ten

— motto: they won’t underestimate me for long.

most of your social environment is gonna be confused by ten at the beginning

and don’t really get what he’s all about

or think he’s like whatever, some random guy in a tank top

acting peculiar

finding him kind of hard to gauge

some of your family and relatives might even think he’s totally unusual and a sneaky fuckboy making you mad

they seriously wonder what you see in him

down the line that perception has turned by 180 degrees

as it should

ten becomes more irreplaceable, relatable, beautiful, perfect and impressive the more you know him

he’s not as mysterious and impossibly badass as everyone assumes

his personality is very approachable to you

and you find him interesting in every aspect, looks to hobbies to background to personal habits

and also opinions because ten is a guy who really thinks stuff through

so you gotta be roughly on the same wavelength

he likes discussing controversial and complicated stuff a lot for sure

being far wiser than his age suggests

you are the first to share those things with him until the rest of the world catches up to this gem of a person

spending so much time with you

in the most personal way he can

he takes you to see the floating markets in bangkok, you spend the summer in thailand

wakeboarding and playing badminton

his entire family knows you inside out at some point this shit is serious

it’s very important to him to go back to the roots every now and then

and that you have been around his home city as well

getting to enjoy the area and time together eating the most savory delicacies

renting a boat and paddling you around to the important spots, he can explain any question you have

this kissing is gonna be so romantic

who needs a vacation in venice when you can go to thailand with none other than ten himself as your ferryman let that sink in

except eating durian there he is, the boyfriend who can do anything!

with seemingly no effort

ten does little kind services of love for you throughout the day

he pours you herbal tea, fixes some furniture (he’s surprisingly good at tinkering), comes home from the bakery with your favorite pastry, does the laundry with your favorite fabric softener

he also goes on a huge shopping spree with you monthly because fashion is key in this household and it’s tremendous fun

you giggle when he puts on oversized shirts deliberately to look funny

everyone in the clothing store will think oh man what an adorable pair

ten will model the living hell out of the entire stock

and buy you the cape you really really want as a birthday present

said item turns out to be your favorite couple accessory

because you can sit next to each other on a bench at the river and wear it

what’s not to love about a portable blanket

of course he will take to instagram and make it such a cool thing, photographies of you wearing really cool coats and jackets

mirror bathroom selfies together as well, with a back hug, the classic

and not just for insta

you snuggle a lot generally

ten is always available for affection

and accepts all PDA

he’s a kitty after all, he loves the warmth of your body more than you know

remember how taemin said ten’s hands are always cold, newsflash not anymore since you stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie whenever you can

and hello sir your paws will be nice and cozy on my waist

or hand in hand when you waltz through your apartment

time for dance is a must

oh my god ten is so good at all of this

although say he’s definitely faster into latin than standard genres

tango argentino, he loves flamenco as well

don’t believe me? ten is a diehard rosalía stan!

vamos

so, no-brainer, expect a lot of dancy stuff

that escalates into wild, passionate fucking

which probably looks like an aggressive form of couple exercises

you poor sore souls

ten’s lil kitty butt is falling apart from all the “i can handle a bigger one!”-level pegging and you have aching legs all over

favorite position? full nelson

if you ask me ten’s ass is probably so carved out by the end of this you could fit lucas and kai in there from head to toe

this is not for the faint of heart

sex with this guy is extra cardio

and if you’re into that a threesome is gonna go down sooner or later

with our girl lisa

there. i said it

miss manoban in those knee-high boots, grinding her thighs between yours and you finishing off on ten’s face? the fucking hottest thing ever i need a moment wow

i don’t have to tell you how orgasmic this is gonna be

steamy sex life with ten very recommended

⌈ kai

— motto: you’re like a precious rose. i’ll protect you forever.

to be straightforward with you

he is in so heavily in demand it’s madness

to give you an idea of the scale

mark is basically occupied by yuta until the end of time

but kai has an entire idol fanclub on top of all erigoms

those sharp moves did not go unnoticed

he gets an inkigayo sandwich every other day

jesus christ

if rent-a-sexy-bf.com was a thing kai would be the most requested

his phone would be blowing up with contracts like

and you also have to pass kyungsoo’s vibe check

and taemin’s

the road to being kai’s gf is indeed the way of the samurai

i mean honestly: kim jongin is without a doubt the hardest member to get a date with

this has got to be the most selective man of the entire industry or something

if he likes you he REALLY likes you

and he will be the one showing initiative

because he wants to make it clear he isn’t just spending time out of politeness or something

although it’s pretty logical that if kai was unable to reject someone he would no longer be an idol but a harem husband busy every hour of the day

seoul would be able to found its own village

kai town

where like 70% of the population is pregnant

but since kai wants to keep on dancing obviously and he wants to lend his heart to only one person

seoul has to settle with a singular nini family house instead of a kai district

where you and the man himself are a full-fledged household basically since kai’s nieces double as actual kids

if you wanna be a young ass ‘mom but not mom with kids’ and be married to kim kai this is it

does he have a thing for milfs or something

that thought just came to my mind

anyway you’re mommy anyway wink wink

fucking til’ dawn until even his muscles hurt

going raw at the gym together

him cooking the most random food with the infamous waffle maker

cuddling with an army of teddy bears surrounding you

walking the dogs with the sexiest dancer alive

and the sexiness is only the tip of the iceberg

we know he’s all-round amazing

kai is the king of figuring out ways to chill out with you anywhere anytime

and yes innocent chilling

...unless you’re in the mood for something else

up to you

anyway

sweet innocent chilling for now... with the stunner... just smooching at best things aren’t going raw or anything

on the couch in the kitchen in the car when it’s parked somewhere in nature

kai takes you very seriously and is a great listener

he’s literally so respectful and open-minded i can’t

he will keep your secrets and stand up for you if it’s ever needed

yes he is extremely caring and invested

kai does not tolerate others being shady towards you

if there’s an instance where you are hurt and unable to assert yourself don’t worry. he knows how to confront others with measure but a firm determination.

kai takes a lot of that responsibility but only to the degree where you are comfortable

i think you get what i mean by that

and he is diplomatic instead of plain patronizing

you have a right to be protected. it means he not only treats you well, but also makes sure your well-being isn’t disturbed in any other way outside of the relationships

outside influences aren’t to be underestimated

and since kai is a godly man you encounter a lot of jealousy from others

a matter he will take into his hands since he knows he’s the reason

standing up for you also means saying no

to these jealous voices so this is an important boundary he has to draw

that all kinds of hellbent people want to get into his pants and take his stage image too literally is not up to you to fix

kai is there for you to enjoy and love not to defend

that’d be exhausting and beside the point

kai prevents stress and negativity to come to you

i hope i explained this well he doesn’t do this to be bossed up or make you weak it’s because he wants to make life easier for you

guys being protective will be chalked up as chauvinistic these days. often rightfully so

but what i mean is that kai support you in all regards so you won’t be at a disadvantage or feel terrible about something

⌈ taeyong

— motto: we’ll take good care. enjoy the pleasure.

he’s the type of boyfriend who will ask you about things he missed out on while he was busy

things um from the internet

while mark literally knows that one by heart already taeyong will ask you things like what the wellerman song is

and you thought it would be something nsfw

i got you fooled

did we forget that the man literally watched nct memes on youtube

taeyong is both even more 18+ than you think but also even more innocent than you think it’s complicated

this man is just hard to describe he’s so different, i mean every person is unique but he’s an original it’s the extra mile you know

anyway

sea shanties

bopping to it all day since he just heard it

singing it while he prepares dinner based on a youtube recipe video as he often does

he’s the most adorable person ever ever ever

asking you why shanties are back in fashion

(good question, requires a deeper sociocultural analysis i reckon)

planning to remix one for his soundcloud lmao i kid you not

maybe your favorite shanty

featuring fast-pace rap and all

creating his own previously unknown phrases and shit like that you know him

palazzo rocco lemon detox flashbacks

he’s hilarious i swear

taeyong will produce his own shanties for you can you imagine

as he says: my happiness is your happiness

watch out he will drop a shanty music video with extra krumping moves

taeyong is a never-ending source of pure crack

prepare to laugh a lot like, a lot lot

how can a man who seemingly has such a serious outlook on life and such a bonkers kinda face be so lighthearted

it’s like he’s peter pan or something

especially since he has to manage like over 20 brats in nct his cutesy behavior towards you as his gf will stand out to you

yeah so to be clear we all know he’s the cute one in the relationship

and guess who wears the pants

that’s always you ma’am don’t deny it

or wait

not for long actually because they come off um physically

but not metaphorically

because who doesn’t wanna sit on his face tbh

your favorite reserved spot

he loves it

taeyong has such a thing for your body it’s ridiculous

mister lee got a sexy mama

and you have such a thing for the gloriousness that is him

but neither of you will not admit it as openly as other people would think

all there is... is being flustered

baekhyun probably has to play some cupid now and then

and give you some ideas

like gifting taeyong plushies and things like that

baekhyun knows what taeyong is all about so the advice is very welcome

but most things you find out for yourself

by being a little braver with him you know

you walking around naked in the apartment or basically fresh out the shower with nothing but a towel

will shake up taeyong so immensely, he will back himself against a wall without you even pinning him there lmao!

jeez he’s so deep into kinky stuff but easily shook anyway

i quote him again: “born to be cute, i dunno!”

you can imagine the overwhelm when you rub yourself against him like it’s nobody’s business

it’s so much fun to give taeyong a regular horny meltdown not gonna lie

this man was grinding his whole body all over the superm stage and now he’s basically freezing up and drooling

how many denied and ruined orgasms he’s gonna get, so much overstimulation all the way

you’ll lose count of it

and just how wet you’re gonna be

is a thing for the history books

taeyong isn’t such a big deal in nct for no reason god gave him every talent

so great sex is obviously in his repertoire

i think you’re gonna break some records for most fucks per week

you know... guys like lucas taemin kai and baekhyun spend more time wooing and teasing and flirting

but taeyong gets down to business

one glance is enough

⌈ lucas

— motto: the hottest couple around.

ah, big boy

you really got this man’s attention

doing nothing much at all really

he probably just saw you walking around talking to friends

carrying an impossibly huge veggie burger munching and enjoying yourself after going on a jog

yeah boy that’s how you catch his eye

they say love begins in the stomach and that is the true meaning

or the nose, your food smells really good, lucas is going crazy, he’s seeing stars and shit

anyway

the towering burger isn’t the only thing he wants

lucas cannot get you out of his mind no matter how much he tries to distract himself

with more good food, movies, games

fooling around with wayv or the superm maknaes, and working out

he’s admittedly... a little himbo head over himbo heels with you the feels got to him

he’s not gonna say it’s a date he’s just gonna invite you just because

to hang out in the kitchen while taeyong cooks and baekhyun comes up with the idea to play twister

imagine lucas with his long arms and legs bending himself all over the place

fighting with kai who almost crashed his shoulders into taemin who avoided the accident quickly

making you lose a round

obviously lucas will hustle until your team wins

mostly because he’s so tall and baekhyun is so small which is a huge advantage when stacking each other over the map

let’s just face it baekhyun only suggested this game to bite everyone’s butts and to see you have skinship with lucas

which is definitely a successful plan of the leader

yukhei is in paradise

jumping around his room like an oversized bunny after you went home

don’t lie, you fell hard for him as well he’s just such a presence

emotionally, physically

a gentle but persistent giant

he’ll do anything to make your relationship happen once he knows you’re interested

if there’s someone meant to be a boyfriend it’s gotta be him come on

he will cave in after a while and admit he can’t just forget about you

not gonna lie

your ex is gonna be shaking in his ratty boots

his poor eyes will literally jop from their unexpecting sockets

when he sees lucas hanging out with you

with his shining blonde hair and tall stature, that perfect shapely body, with great fashion on top of that

looking like your guardian angel

man, xuxi really does

pulling you out of your slump that’s been going on for months

and bringing back smiles and a good time he knows how to do that best

and big big hugs of course

you can imagine how soothing and grounded it feels with such huge arms around you

he will make sure that feeling is always there when you need it

because you deserve that treatment

which means he will come over very very often

yeah get ready for how yukhei is a lot more driven than you think just dial and he will be there

underneath the meme surface is someone very determined who really really wants you

yukhei is chaotic good incarnate but in that area he isn’t messing around

his brain is like: “gotta be with her”

on repeat

he must call you, he literally can’t sleep without tying loose ends together as quickly as possible

no second wasted with this guy, even far down the relationship timeline

i really pity your ex

i mean someone dating any superm member would drive their former partner completely nuts

but lucas is a special case

he has that kind of look and aura that makes other guys dig themselves into the ground like wiggling worms or cope by fanboying over him

i don’t wanna make this sound like a competition and yet — congrats on your noodly blondie boyfriend alright

⌈ mark

— motto: two nerds in love.

how to explain this. mark is a perfect balance of a lover, a talker, and a shy bean

with a tendency toward bean

and flicking the bean

you know

cutting right to the chase are we

mark is very invested in pleasing you as good as he can

and defeating his awkwardness

because if we know one thing it’s that he always strives to become better and better like he can’t help it

and isn’t afraid of almost biting off more than he can chew

how many subunits is he part of at this point is it gonna be nct hollywood as well god dangit

back to the point mark doesn’t treat relationships and sex as something static which is a good and rare thing

he does his best and always looks for room to improve

while being very nervous, very bilingual, it takes two languages or more to express what he thinks about you let that sink in

that’s very shaky first date sex while being extremely in love with each other

lucky you

and an afterglow where he plays the guitar for you

that’s so nice

he can play it while laying down and shit

while singing

not rapping, actual full-fledged serenading

we’ve heard how that sounds in the relay cam

are you dating some kind of teenage heartthrob or something huh

mark will make it very clear he’ll stick around, this bad bitch is here to stay

or actually, he’s a good bitch, don’t misunderstand

mark doesn’t have a lot of edgy in him unless rap is concerned

he’s the kinda guy to get lost in IKEA with

having a good time

as often as his schedule permits

you really have to make use of your time together

this man might as well the busiest idol out there

and you are no different because birds of a feather

you’re both mr. and ms. independent

out and about very often

so meeting up becomes something special during comeback season

or wait mark always has a comeback going on

which is a double-edged sword but something you both know you signed up for

which is why you spend a lot of time around NCT dream, 127, and SuperM

sm’s publicity agents have to work extra hard i’m telling you

a dating rumor is the last thing both of you would need

since you befriend several members you gotta stay on the low as well

but hey the rage of jealous people of the public is nothing compared to the force of nature that is yuta nakamoto

who seriously thinks himself threatened and robbed

in case you are feeling possessive as well...

...you might have to fistfight yuta

to be able to be with mark

who is basically property of osaka at this point

yuta is a scorpio that’s just the way it is

unlike taeyong who wishes his rap buddy the best, yuta kinda wants to be mark’s wingman and see him date, live his best life

but also have mark for himself to fawn over and to adore, to be fascinated by

we get it yuta. bisexual struggles. very understandable

you have to promise in person that mark doesn’t forget about the holy gaming nights with yuta

which is hilarious since that’s not up to you but mark’s memory

bestie, yuta uses everyone as a scapegoat don’t sweat it too much

regardless you put a weekly reminder on the fridge

so the roaring lion yuta would be pacified

he doesn’t want to lose his sweetheart can you blame him

the ultimate but also most risky solution is obviously inviting yuta for movies

which will be appreciated but also cause a storm

mark will definitely break a sweat when you start a popcorn war or try to prove who hugs mark the best

caught in the middle of mayhem is mark lee’s specialty what did you expect

this either ends with murder or a chaotic open relationship down the line

yuta really is attached but who wouldn’t be

it could be worse mark has double the love you know

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you wanna know why i’m your candy?

baby tell me are you ridin’?

in fair verona where we lay our scene...

that baekhyun always wants to woo you — his way, which proves to be very interesting to say the least — is never hard to miss

putting in effort is mochi default mode

no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in

he might as well regularly serenade you under your balcony in the backyard just because

probably singing ‘baby we can stay up’ and wiggling his ass in all directions because he’s a dirty boy gone wild

yeah. nowadays romeo is twerking instead of feuding with tybalt

that’s good for him and everyone involved

you in particular because you get some very racy eye candy

you know how baekhyun is

at least nobody’s around seeing him put on an 18+ show like that

your little guy is one unhinged fella

if it starts pouring he will grind up and down the next lantern and belt out ‘singing in the rain’

you bet he can do some actual pole dance

he’s strong and bendy you know

and loves to gyrate his whole bag of bones like... he wants to hit you with all the body rolls

in the rain

what a freaky man

but hey you wanna stay up for sure

doesn’t take long until you beckon him to come upstairs

where the only way to alleviate him of his wet clothes—

oh well he has those roger rabbit vibes and you can’t be mad at it

he will play off all his hormonal antics

baekhyun is hilarious

and so perverted, he can keep up with your spicy idea of playing patty-cake don’t worry

how do i know you’re an extra nsfw kinda person?

who else would like baekhyun

he says juicy things all the time

and does juicy things

yes. finally a couple on eye level indeed.

when baekhyun asks are you ridin’ you ask how hard

bruh

this is gonna be fun

and remember

beside handing you sacks of money

his priority is always to make you smile

i’m kidding about the bags but

baekhyun is so rich it’ll show in your relationship, but he’s more about the interactions with you rather than the lifestyle

baekhyun didn’t hustle for a bentley he hustled to sing and get out of sm alive alright

financial stability: important

luxury: very nice to have, he can make you the presents you want to have and travel a lot together

but smiles: baekhyun priority

because he so badly wants to know you love him and adore him, he sometimes feels so insecure

of course you do

you always reassure him with your reactions

it’s very important to him don’t underestimate it

baekhyun has always been talking about his ideal type in terms of how he can cheer her up

so even the naughtiest sexy time evenings are gonna be filled with all giggles

anyway other than that your pussy will be dripping

because this guy is as horny as all other members of super m combined

and you have your ways of leaving him tongue-tied and wrists-tied

taemin’s impact

superm isn’t short of bondage supplies we all know that

so yeah. shibari baekhyun is gonna happen

since he does pilates imagine what kinda shapes you can bend this lil guy into

and take some pictures

privé is in trouble

bondage model baekhyun is bursting onto the scene

you might even run a risque blog that features cropped pictures with him

heh — you think people will recognize him by his body?

nope

first: you only upload HD pictures that aren’t whitewashed

baekhyun is basically never photographed like that

second: who expects baekhyun to be featured on a bdsm blog with his girlfriend

and this is the guy that drives you around in his expensive car with his big black shades on

well what can i say

nothing is the way it seems

⌈ taemin

— motto: i’ll unfold a whole new world for you.

taemin is cocky, he’s sensual, and: a very smiley person as we know

least boring relationship ever

he will prance toward you whenever he can to involve you in cuddles

touch-starved taemin is a thing

kkoong can tell you about it, he needs kisses and embraces so often

might as well pepper him with it no problem

and put him into your oversized sweaters when he eats ice cream on the sofa, watching movies, and you brush his ever-growing hair

he’s smol he’s gonna fit into them don’t worry

and on the other hand he likes a rough and tough girl who thinks of him like a boy toy

who acts tsundere or like his bodyguard

working out almost daily to the point of sweat all over

a gal probably able to pretzel minho lucas and chanyeol into one giant bundle

taemin truly has the taste of a divo

multi-layered as always

so you couldn’t say the relationship is always the same in sentiment, the vibe of the dynamic could be different every day

we love a complex man

what would be volatile to others is actually an advantage up close

because taemin understands every difficult facet of himself and his partner

even if those facets might be contradictory

or something that’s felt shameful about

he will accept and listen anyway

the same goes for getting what drives you

taemin is like a walking psychology velvet couch with fancy swirls as arm rests

point is he isn’t fooled by the surface of the world

he knows what has to be known

which also means your looks aren’t the part he prioritizes

and not even outward personality and habit is what he’s drawn to

it’s the mentality and values underneath

that’s true compatibility to him and he can feel it

he’s really really smart

and also finds it important that you get along with shinee and superm, that you think they’re nice to be around and vice versa

especially kai as taemin’s absolute bearly bestie. if kai thinks you’re shady and you don’t like kai either

or if you’re permanently super awkward and taemin’s moodmaking doesn’t help

we have a problem

but fair enough

kai and taemin are basically one soul at this point so if taemin likes you jongin does anyway

bff telepathy

in fact jongin was probably the one introducing you to taemin lmao!

because he knows you go well together instinctively and he is correct

so not to worry then

and it’s good on taemin to think longterm and not see you as a person outside of social interaction y’know

cough cough he thinks about marriage, you might be ms. lee one day

here he goes again taemin is just very mature seeing you as well-rounded in every aspect of life

without letting his dick make the important decisions at the detriment of making this a relationship of two lives not just two bodies only

but obviously don’t assume taemin is no horny devil. we all know he dreams of the freakiest scenarios and fantasies in this whole group

going kinda crazy about the thought of making you cum which he always wants to try with new methods

which occupies his mind more than a big bowl of super spicy noodles which is taemin’s favorite meal so

at the same time taemin junior is definitely the same clingy attention whore as his sparkly owner

limp wrists from all the handjobs on your side

and very swollen lips from giving all that head on his side

this is gonna be interesting

he puts the 6v6 in 69

equals 69v69 am i right

but i’m serious that’s gonna be a lot of oral action

you definitely ask each other about having sex very often, daily if you have the time and find a nice spot

and how on earth do both of you keep your hands off each other sleeping in one bed

taemin is touchy as hell with no shyness, and you squish squeeze and grope this guy like the mochi he is

ah when things go both ways

825 notes · View notes

taehyung-rambles · 3 years

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My Top 3 BTS Outfits in Each Era (Up to Permission to Dance)

Disclaimer: These pictures are hella grainy because I used the wrong edit and only realized after I’d done like 10 eras. Plus it’s hella hard to catch a shot of the boys during the MV when they’re not moving.

Okay, so I don’t know why I wanted to do this. That’s a lie; there’s a very specific outfit that made me want to do this, so look out for that one if you want to know why I’ve decided to dedicate myself to this terribly long and arduous post.

This post is what it sounds like. One thing I’m gonna say before we get going is that I skipped the Make It Right era because the boys didn’t actually film anything for it (it was just a stage mix); ergo, I’d be ranking the outfits they had for the Love Yourself Tour, not the outfits that were selected for them for that particular song. So, I figured it’d be pointless to be like, “Oh, you see this outfit that Jimin wears for these four songs on tour that he happens to wear in the Make It Right stage mix? I like it.”

Also:

This isn’t based on my bias or the members themselves at all; it’s literally which outfits I liked the best.

That means that there are eras where there’s two of one member plus one other member in my top three since the boys usually have at least two outfits. Actually, there’s one era that only has three outfits from one member in it because that member was styled really well for that era.

I will be, like, talking about the outfits through the members’ names, though, because... how else am I supposed to do it? “Yes, so IDOL outfit #9 was really cool”? Not gonna work.

Some of the representations of the members’ outfits aren’t actually that good because I literally could not take a full-body screenshot of them since they were always moving.

As such, I’d advise you to actually go to the MV for outfits you wanted to see in full.

I didn’t use any promotional shots, behind the scenes MV shootings, or outfits from secondary versions of the MVs (with one exception I’ll talk about later)--such as the Manifesto Film for ON or the Japanese version MVs--because I wanted to pull them all from the main MVs. Plus, there was always the chance that the outfit I liked wasn’t shown in the behind the scenes shooting or didn’t have a promotional shot taken of it, and I wanted all the pictures to be taken from the same place.

So, you should prepare for some funny faces from the boys because some of these screenshots are questionable for the sake of capturing the outfit.

I’ll probably talk about their hair if I feel like I need to because it’s so good that’s it’s almost like a part of the outfit; that’s gonna be rare, though.

Disclaimer #2: I do not have any real knowledge about fashion, so I’m just here to say, “Wow. Don’t they look so good?”

Disclaimer #3: I sincerely apologize to the boys for all the ridiculous faces that are to follow.

No More Dream

Boy oh boy, was this era hard to decide on. BTS’s early MVs had a certain mood to them, you know? And that meant there outfits weren’t always amazing. However, I did my best to understand the concept of putting the boys in over-the-top outfits to sell the genre of music and image brand they were going for; that being said, I did end up picking the most basic outfits from the No More Dream era.

Taehyung: I mean, it’s a basic outfit, you know? I’m a sucker for all-black outfits--though the all-black wardrobe in the No More Dream MV was not exactly my flavor of fashion--and Taehyung in a leather jacket is always gonna be awesome.

Jin: Jin’s arms said wassup, you know? That’s not really why I picked this outfit for my top three, though; it was mostly because I liked the shirt they put Jin in, and the accent with the bandana on his pants was nice.

Jungkook: So, the print on Jungkook’s pants was used for all members in one way or another--like, for instance, Taehyung had a T-shirt with it--but I like the print being on the pants Jungkook has on. Also, the style of his pants is a style I love; I have no idea what style they’re in, but the loose fabric at the top is nice. Also, his high-tops (or boots?) are a nice contrast to the rest of black in his outfit.

We Are Bulletproof Pt.2

Talk about another era of questionable fashion. It’s not really the style of clothes they were wearing or which pieces they’re wearing because I know BigHit did the best it could with the money it had at the time; I mostly don’t like the early eras’ stylings because there was a lot going on. Like, you got the leggings under the shorts, knee socks, shirts tied around waists, etc. They’re doing the most, and I don’t really vibe with it. Not that layering is bad because BTS has outfits that are layered later, obviously, and some of those are really nice. I think it’s just awkward to look at when it’s a bunch of sportswear. Anyway, that’s not what this is about.

Jimin: I know Jimin’s got eels or fish on his shorts. I didn’t realize until I look at Taehyung’s T-shirt and realized that he was also wearing the same print. However, Jimin’s shorts being gold looks nice between his black socks and shirt. I can’t explain why. Because pants are usually the darker color in outfits, so the fact that it’s inverted is interesting? Maybe I like the eels after all? Who can say?

Jungkook #2: I’ve no idea what’s going on with Jungkook’s outfit in the middle photo, but the print on his shorts in nice. I mean, I like that he’s got red accents throughout the entire outfit because it’s less gaudy than the gold accents on the boys’ other set of outfits for this MV. Other than that, I just like it better than the rest of the outfits (besides my number one, obviously).

Jungkook #1: No, there is not a full-body shot of this outfit in the MV, and yes, I’m still listing it as my number one. Is this partially because I didn’t like any of the other outfits? Maybe. But, I also really like the print on Jungkook’s--what I’m going to tentatively call--shoulder-pad-jacket. Like, the sports uniforms were a little dumb, but I like that Jungkook’s was a bit more fancy, if you will, than just a jersey. Even if I can only see the top half of it.

N.O

Now we’re getting into some fashion, kids. I mean, the N.O concepts weren’t the best, but it’s better than fish-shorts, you know? Throughout doing this project, I realized that the boys have done the all-white thing a few times--like in Black Swan, Boy With Luv, and Film out, to name a few--and I really like it. Just like in N.O, it’s always a really nice contrast with, either the music, or the members’ images or both. The white clothes make everything seem softer, but then you put a song like N.O on top of it or an image like attractiveness-can-kill Kim Taehyung, and it offsets everything in a really interesting way.

Taehyung: I mean, honestly, I didn’t know what outfit to put in this spot, but I like Taehyung’s shirt, so here we are. The texture on it is nice, actually, because the boys were mostly wearing stuff on top of plain white hoodies or shirts, so Taehyung having a shirt with a bit of visual to it was good.

Jungkook: I don’t know; I like casual clothes, okay? It’s a baggie hoodie, sweatpants, and some chains, but I like the look a lot. Don’t @ me--not that this is a controversial opinion. Maybe I’m influenced by the choreography or something, but I liked this particular Jungkook outfit in N.O.

Yoongi: Can I say Yoongi looks a bit like a ‘90s rapper or is that inaccurate? Yoongi’s got the curly, red hair with a bandana in it, y’all. That shit’s wild. And he’s got a fluffy, white vest. Legit, his outfit says, “I’m cute,” but his expression and rap verse say, “Sit the fuck down,” you know what I mean? That’s the type of shit I’m here for.

Boy In Luv

This era was difficult to decide on, as you can imagine, because they were all in school uniforms with very tiny differences in between them. I think, because of that, this era was a little bit about how each member looked in their outfit for the MV because I didn’t have much to go on.

Jimin: You can’t see it in the picture I was able to get, but he’s got little metal pieces on the collar of his shirt, which is also a black collar, and both of those little details are cool. That’s literally it all I have to say.

J-Hope: Hobi was in all-black, y’all, so I wanted to include him. Would you like to know why his picture is so terrible? There were zero full-body shots of him during his rap verse. Why? So difficult it was to get a shot of Hobi looking fine as hell in this uniform.

Namjoon: I think one other member had a plaid shirt under their button down--Jin, I think--but the pattern of Namjoon’s plaid shirt was the one I liked the best. It’s a really nice pop to the black-and-white the other guys had.

Just one day

This MV was so difficult to find good shots for, let me tell you. Take a shot every time I say that from now on if you want to, you know, poison yourself. Anyway, the outfits for this era were pretty simple. The boys also had school uniform-esque outfits, but they were all the same, so I didn’t include them. At least, they were close enough to the same that I didn’t like any of them individually.

Jimin: When I tell you Jimin only has close-up shots in this MV--I digress. You can’t really tell with the picture I was able to get, but the patches on his pants looked really cool, to me. He also had a long, baggy shirt on on top of the tight pants, so the entire outfit ended up looking really nice.

Jungkook: I don’t really know how to explain this one. I just like the look of it. Jungkook looks like a ballet dancer, you know? I like the asymmetrical sections of his shirt, I like the leather pants, I like the neckline; it’s a good outfit, simple though it is.

Yoongi: This is a boyfriend look if I’ve ever seen one. I’m also a sucker for denim jackets, so that’s part of the reason I liked this outfit on Yoongi. Also, the layering of the jacket, hoodie, and shirt is a combo that can rarely ever go wrong. This is another neutral-toned MV in terms of the outfits, so I like the bit of blue from Yoongi’s jacket, as well.

Danger

This is the first BTS era in which everyone’s outfits killed, and I had a difficult time picking out which ones I liked the best. These outfits definitely fit the Dark & Wild concept well, and I think each member was styled amazingly for this MV.

Taehyung: There is a strong part of me that loves Taehyung in this ballcap. I also love the leather accents on his blazer and the fact that he’s got a white shirt on for that bit of contrast. I don’t know; the entire visual for Taehyung in this outfit was working.

Jimin: Isn’t Jimin’s shirt so cool? It’s, like, kind of a stiff material, so when he dances, it looks really cool. Plus, the button down and chain he has underneath it are such cool little accents. It almost looks like he’s wearing a turtleneck from a distance because the button down is buttoned all the way up, and I like that vibe.

Jungkook: I don’t know how to explain the emotional attachment I have to Jungkook’s outfit in the Danger MV. The plaid shirt around his waist, the denim jacket, the dark and ripped jeans; I mean, please. This is an iconic MV look, and you can quote me on that. Legit, this would be in the catalog of “Jungkook’s most iconic looks,” for me.

War of Hormone

Can I talk about how cool the concept was for the War of Hormone era? Like, the punk look was such a good choice. It made them look like British teenagers from the 80s, but I’m not mad at that. Also, the mussed hair? What a look these guys had during this era. I don’t think there’s a whole lot of BTS eras that kind of come with their own predetermined fashion themes like War of Hormone came with the punk one. You got Dynamite with the 70s theme and Dope with the costumes theme, but that’s kind of it. The rest of the time, the boys kind of just match while the outfits compliment the song, rather than the outfits embodying the song. So, War of Hormone is a special era because of that.

Jungkook: These stripped sweaters and skinny scarves were such a fad for me when I was in elementary school, but somehow Jungkook makes it seem actually cool. Plus, he’s got all those holes in his sweater that make it look all grungy, and it’s so fun that that’s how they decided to add a focal piece to his outfit.

Taehyung: I wasn’t initially thinking Taehyung would be on this list since the other members have louder outfits than just a leather jacket, but Taehyung’s outfit is so cool. It’s got the print on the back of the jacket plus the buttons on the front that really sell the punk vibe, but he’s also got pinstriped pants, y’all. What a combo.

Namjoon: I don’t like to say “daddy,” but this outfit on Namjoon is, you know? I mean, it’s just a really nice suit in the first place. You got your little pocket square, really nice lines, gorgeous pinstripes; plus, Namjoon’s got that white shirt under it instead of a button down. It all works really nicely, and the overall outfit stuck out to me right away when I was looking at this MV.

I Need U

It was so difficult trying to grab the outfits for I Need U and RUN because they’re basically short films, which meant there was no choreo I could pause during to get a full body shot or cuts of the boys singing their solos. However, I managed to grab these three, so let’s get it.

Yoongi: It’s simple, I know, but I like simple sometimes. I think it’s mostly the jeans that made me choose this Yoongi outfit in I Need U because the shirt was plain white, and the jeans being ripped an rolled was just enough diversity to make me love the outfit. Plus, Yoongi’s shirt is tucked in, so it’s a nice vibe.

Taehyung #2: The outfit in the middle photo is kind of a weird outfit, to me. I think it’s because the jack and the pants are the same material, but in any case, I like it a lot because it looks strange but simple at the same time. The outfits in I Need U were a little geeky, if I can say that, which is totally fine, but I just ended up liking Taehyung’s the best because of the fit of the outfit and the material.

Taehyung #1: It’s that jacket-hoodie-shirt combo again. It’s also all black; it’s also got a leather jacket. It’s the stuff I love, and it’s all on Taehyung, who I love. I mean, there’s also the factor of him wearing the hood up to mimic the dark tone of the MV and song, so all of that contributed to me liking this outfit a lot.

For You

I didn’t expect to like the outfits in the For You MV all that much since it’s a bit of a basic song, but I thought a lot of the pieces were really beautiful. Jungkook had a nice outfit during the choreo, Jin had a nice outfit for the scene when he was washing cars; I mean, all the members had several really nice looks for this MV.

Namjoon: I was trying to decide between this and Jin’s denim jacket outfit, but I really like the dark wash on Namjoon’s jacket and jeans. Also, the jeans being rolled to expose the boots is something I also really liked. This is an aside, but doesn’t Namjoon fucking wear this shit? He looks hella good.

Yoongi: I really like the stark white of Yoongi’s jacket and pants against the black of his shirt. Plus, the shirt has a really gorgeous pattern on it, which is a big reason why I ended up choosing this outfit for my top three.

Taehyung: That jacket is so pretty, isn’t it? It’s not just the floral pattern of it, but the stripes underneath the floral pattern are so lovely against the white in the rest of Taehyung’s outfit. It makes Taehyung look older, too, which has nothing to do with the outfit, but I figured I’d mention it.

Dope

Does anyone know why the concept for this MV was basically Halloween costumes? Was it because the song is about dudes who work hard for their dreams and they wanted the boys to be dressed like various kinds of employees? Anyway, it was a fun MV to look at.

J-Hope: I thought Hobi’s outfit was fitted very well, so I ended up choosing it mostly because of the cut and shape it had. However, the actual leather itself looked really cool, too, with the white and red accents.

Jimin: Like, all the boys wore the white-shirt-black-tie ensemble, but it was Jimin’s only look for the MV, and he wore it the best, so I had to put it down. This one is another case of it being kind of about the member, but sue me, okay? I stan this Jimin.

Jungkook: We all knew, didn’t we? I mean, the police officer’s uniform is iconic. The pants being tucked into the boots gives Jungkook such a nice silhouette, and the fit of the uniform did the same thing. Jungkook looked incredible in this era.

RUN

This era gave me so many issues; you don’t understand. You see how shitty these pictures are, right? None of the members were still during this entire MV except for that one shot of Jungkook sitting on the floor; I mean, I guess that’s indicative of the song being called “RUN,” but ya know. Honestly, I really liked a lot of the outfits during the RUN era because all of them had so much character. It was really difficult to choose only three, so let me know in the replies which outfits you liked from this era.

Jin: A lot of my decisions are based on jackets, but you’re gonna have to bear with me on that one because it’s gonna continue. The picture sucks, but go to the MV and look at Jin’s jacket because it’s got such a nice pattern. It stood out a lot to me because it was different from the other members, and Jin doesn’t usually wear jackets like this.

Taehyung: You’re also gonna have to go check this one out for yourself, but I though the brown jacket and red flannel together looked really nice, especially on top of the dark jeans Taehyung was wearing. I mean, the sunglasses are a vibe, too, but that wasn’t really on my mind when making this decision.

Yoongi: I love this Yoongi outfit in the RUN MV. It had just enough going on to make it look interesting but not busy. The red-and-black striped shirt under the ripped, acid wash jacket provides such a nice contrast. Plus, Yoongi’s got moe sleeves here, which is adorable.

EPILOGUE: Young Forever

This was sort of an awkward MV to do because it’s such a short song, but I got there in the end. The outfits weren’t terribly complex, so we won’t be here all that long, especially since all the members were wearing just about the same types of outfits in terms of color profile.

Yoongi: I like the pattern on Yoongi’s shirt a lot, and I like the little ribbons or whatever they are hanging from his sleeves. This isn’t a style I see on Yoongi that often, but regardless of who was wearing it, the outfit did it’s job because it looks awesome.

Taehyung: I really like the cut of Taehyung’s shirt. Like, the way it buttons looks really interesting, the lack of a collar looks cool, and he’s got a little ascot/scarf thing that has a nice pattern on it. Plus, the scarf was sitting underneath the neckline of the shirt, which was a cool detail.

Jungkook: So, Jungkook was the only member with color in his outfit? I know he’s the center of BTS, but it’s a bit weird? I’m not complaining, though, because the color of his shirt is gorgeous. The rosy-brown was such a nice pop of contrast against the grey background of the MV. It also tied in nicely with the warm tones at the end as the sun is setting.

FIRE

This was an era for outfits, y’all. They kind of a SoCal vibe going on in this MV, and all the members looked super cool. It was interesting to see their outfits shifting as the scenes changed, too. Like, when they were outside, they had outfits with more pops of interests, but when they were inside or when it was dark, they had slightly grungier outfits with more subdued patterns. Or, when they were just messing around and singing or shooting skits, they had goofier outfits on. Anyway, this MV is rad, and so are the outfits.

Taehyung #2: I just really love Taehyung’s jacket that he has on for the majority of this MV. On top of the black shirt and jeans, it became a nice focal piece. Taehyung’s jeans are ripped, too, and it provides some shape to Taehyung’s legs that’s super nice. I mean, all the members have knee rips, but in an all-black outfit, it looked awesome. Also, though you can’t see it in the picture, he has brown boots on, and it’s such a weird addition to a black-and-denim outfit, but somehow, it works really well.

Jungkook: It’s the cardigan for me, fam. It’s such a pretty piece; actually, that’s not all I love about Jungkook’s outfit in the middle picture because he has this band around his leg that stands out so much for some reason. I don’t even know what the band is or if it’s a part of the jeans or what, but it actually really does elevate the look.

Taehyung #1: This fit is it, y’all. First of all, the jacket is bomb; the color is stunning, and the fringe is so fun. The belt Taehyung’s wearing pops--at least to me--and the black jeans work really well with the jacket. And Taehyung’s boots plus the jeans? Please.

Save ME

This was the most difficult MV to get screenshots for by far. This, War of Hormone, and Film out are the only MVs where the boys only have one outfit, right? Boy In Luv might, as well; I can’t remember. There’s probably more, but anyway. I’ll keep it a buck: I’m not gonna have a lot to say about Yoongi and Namjoon, but we’re gonna try our best.

Yoongi: The ripped jeans are nice, as always, and I love Yoongi’s boots, but other than that, this is just about me liking the type of outfit this is. I mean, having a long-sleeve tee under a T-shirt can be kind of lame, but when it’s a nearly all-black outfit with pops of light coming from the undershirt, it can look good.

Namjoon: I picked Namjoon’s outfit because the jacket he was wearing was fitting pretty tightly, and I thought it made his silhouette look really sharp. The ballcap did the same thing since Namjoon’s hair wasn’t out in the wind. Also, he’s got converse high-tops on--I think--and that’s always a vibe.

Taehyung: Taehyung’s outfit is the only outfit I freakin’ love from Save ME. He’s got the moe sleeves, guys, and it makes Taehyung look so soft. Plus, the sweater that’s on top of his long-sleeve tee is cut really nicely so the sleeves are really big and make Taehyung’s silhouette look really cool when he’s dancing. Also, red-haired Taehyung is an icon.

Blood Sweat & Tears

So, I kind of both loved every single outfit in this MV and didn’t find any of them particularly stand out-ish. That’s probably because they were all awesome so none of them could be more awesome than another. Still, I came up with a list. Let me tell you, I was so mad that the suits the boys were wearing in the beginning were not shown that much in the MV because they were all gorgeous.

Jungkook #2: Which is why Jungkook’s face is covered because I could only get this shot of his suit since it’s basically invisible the rest of the time. How pretty is the print on it, though? The flowers are gorgeous on top of the black.

Yoongi: I really like light nude-colored fabric because anything you put on top of it looks a little bit lacy, and that’s what Yoongi’s blazer looked like in this MV. Plus, he’s got a choker, which looks really interesting since he’s wearing a suit.

Jungkook #1: It’s basically just the shirt that I really loved, but it’s got such a beautiful print on it, and it’s pale nude, and he has--I think--a velvet choker on. Plus, his shirt’s all flowy and nice. It doesn’t get better than this, kids.

Spring Day

Is it just me, or were their outfits a little bit strange in Spring Day? Not a whole lot, but the winterwear they had on was really unique. Especially the heavily patterned sweaters a few of the members were wearing. Quirky is the word I want to use, but it’s not really quirky as much as it’s just a bit off center.

Yoongi: I honestly didn’t know what the third outfit should be, so Yoongi is kind of here because I liked the simplicity, and the pink of his sweater is a good pink and not that gross hot pink that never looks good. He’s also got rips in his jeans in a really weird spot, which is probably not that good for the winter, but it looks nice.

Namjoon: I can’t tell if Namjoon is wearing a white hoodie with an orange hood or if he’s wearing a long-sleeve sweater on top of an orange hoodie, but either way, he looks great. Also, the blazer on top is, like, kind of weird but also a vibe. It’s an outfit that doesn’t really match, but it doesn’t clash, so I guess you’d call that complimentary?

Jungkook: It’s a simple black-and-white outfit, but the specific pieces Jungkook was wearing were all really pretty. The stripes being concentrated in the middle of the sweater and the jacket having flecks of white that look like paint go together so well.

Not Today

Everybody was poppin’ in this era, outfits and otherwise. I really like the red theme that colored everybody’s concepts, and it kind of makes me think of Not Today as a red song. Is that weird? Who knows? Anyway, this era was hard to choose from.

Namjoon: Namjoon looked like a king in this MV. He’s got purple hair that actually really pops against the rest of his outfit, and his pants being red is so fun. Also, the bleached out area of his button down shirt looks really awesome. Jungkook has a shirt like that in this MV, as well, but the stripes on Namjoon’s make the bleached spot stand out more.

Yoongi: The leather pants were a good choice because Yoongi looks awesome in them. The red detailing on them is also awesome, but the money piece is his jacket. What a nice color that jacket is, I tell you what. It stands out so much because of how vibrant it is, especially against Yoongi’s pitch-black hair.

Taehyung: This is one of those outfits that I’ve always loved, and now I get to talk about it. I cannot tell what is hanging from his hips, but the tie-dye look of it is fun; the shirt Taehyung is wearing is super weird, but I love it a lot. Also, Taehyung in a bandana always slaps. The jacket, though, is so cool. The pure white of it is already eye-catching, but the actual fit and shape of it is really unique, too.

DNA

This era doesn’t have the outfit that made me want to make this post, but it did have the MV that made me want to make this post. I mean, we all know the DNA MV is vibey as hell, and the bright and bold colors and patterns in everybody’s outfits sold that theme really easily. This was another era that was difficult to choose from because I liked a lot of the individual pieces the members were wearing, but I didn’t like many outfits as whole packages.

Taehyung #2: Taehyung looks so elegant in this outfit, and I know it’s also because of his hair, but damn. I wanna say it makes him look rich, but that’d be stupid since, you know, he is rich. Again, it’s simple, but the silk, red shirt Taehyung’s wearing is stunning.

Yoongi: I don’t really know why I chose this outfit, but I still love it. Like, it’s just a jersey and a blue jacket, but the colors are coordinated really nicely, and the blue is a pretty blue. I don’t know; I just thought it was well put together.

Taehyung #1: I did not think Taehyung in sweats and a dress shirt was gonna end up being my favorite outfit in DNA, but here we are. The red-white-and-blue theme is all over the place in the DNA MV, but it doesn’t look too gaudy of a color combo in Taehyung’s outfit in the leftmost picture. He looks comfy and cute, and I like it a lot.

MIC Drop (Steve Aoki Remix)

Is it okay to say that this MV has some of the best stylings for the boys in any MV? I mean, they all looked dope, no? It was so hard to get these screenshots, and I couldn’t even get the best ones in the world, but I really liked everyone’s outfits in this era since it was like sportswear but more swaggy.

Yoongi #2: This is a shitty screencap, but I couldn’t get a better one without Yoongi being three pixels. Anyway, the all white tracksuit is a vibe and half. Yoongi looks so damn cool. You can’t see it in the picture, but his sweatpants have black stripes on them that look awesome, and he’s got red shoes. Epic.

Yoongi #1: I hate camo, but this look is it, fam. The top half with the hoodie and the bandanas is enough, but I think Yoongi was also wearing a really long, black shirt underneath that hung the middle of his thighs, and it’s awesome against the black pants.

Taehyung: Taegi really was blessing us with the headbands in this era. This look is badass, periodt. The loose pants, the combat boots, the leather jacket with the orange lining, the Mastermind World hoodie--I mean, it’s a legendary look for Taehyung, no doubt.

FAKE LOVE

This era was a good era. Jimin’s hair looked like a tiger, Taehyung had a mullet, Jungkook had a jacket that made him look like a ruby; I mean, everyone looked amazing in the Fake LOVE era. I don’t have it in my list, but I do wanna talk about the ruby jacket Jungkook was wearing because, wow, was it pretty. That is all.

Taehyung #2: I don’t know why I like this outfit so much, but I think it’s because it’s weird? Like, it’s all neutral colors, which is why it’s not too much, but the leather straps are so strange. I love it, though, because it’s like Taehyung’s in a straitjacket, which was the point, I guess. Also, his shirt is a bit asymmetrical, so that’s fun.

Jungkook: I mean, this whole ensemble is iconic, to me. The jacket is so sporadically colored because it’s, like, tie-dyed but also sectioned off by color, so that’s awesome; then you got his ratty tee and the plaid shirt tied around his waist. And if that wasn’t enough to butter your bread (pun intended), JK’s got ripped jeans and blocky shoes, baby. What a combo.

Taehyung #1: How pretty is Taehyung’s shirt? It’s flowy and flowery and the colors are absolutely gorgeous. Taehyung’s jeans are also really interesting because they’ve got different shades of denim, little frays and rips, and striped details that make them look interesting. I guess it’s just a shirt and jeans, but the pieces are so beautiful.

IDOL

I take it back; this era was the worst era for getting screenshots. The pain I went through to get Taehyung in that suit and Jungkook in that hanbok was ridiculous. Anyway, as IDOL is a chaotic as fuck song, the outfits were equally chaotic, and all of them were kind of awesome in their own quirky ways. Like, even though Taehyung’s red-and-white outfit with the suspenders is ridiculous under normal circumstances, with Kim Taehyung and the IDOL MV together, it was somehow an awesome outfit. That’s basically how I felt about 90% of the outfits in the MV.

Yoongi: It’s just a really nice outfit. Is that enough? The color of his scarf is stunning, and he’s got a pretty turquoise shirt that you can see beneath the hemline of his white shirt, and both of those add nice pops of color to an otherwise neutral set of outfits the boys had during these shots.

Jungkook: Jungkook’s hanbok is a revelation, for real. It was so hard to get a screen shot of it, and the one I have doesn’t do it justice at all. The faint red details in the jacket are so pretty, especially when they pop up here and there as Jungkook is dancing. Also, the dandelion print on the pants is beautiful. It’s all-black, so it can kind of look basic depending on the shot, but the accents of the hanbok are stunning when you see them.

Taehyung: Taehyung is the only member who’s suit pants did not match the jacket, and I do not know why, but it kind of looks better than the rest of the suits because of it? Like, Taehyung’s blazer pops more to me because his jacket is the only piece of print he has, and the print is gorgeous. There’s these orange sections on his dress shirt collar, too, that are fun. Also, can you see his shoes in the picture? They’re super cool looking, aren’t they? I’ve no idea what they’re called, but I like them a lot.

Airplane pt.2 - Japanese ver.

The boys’ outfits were so fun in this era. I don’t know what style I should call it, but it’s like summer in Mexico, you know? Anyway, I thought all the members looked really unique in this MV because all the pieces were put together really well. Plus, everything was really sandy in tone, which felt like a solid representation of the song for whatever reason.

Jungkook: Is it the dark red jacket? Is it the weird red-and-brown striped shirt? Is it the white pants? It’s a lot about the white pants, actually. Regardless, I can’t explain why Jungkook’s outfit in the beginning of the MV is so nice to look at, but it is. Is it the--I think they are called--spectator shoes?

Taehyung #2: This looks like a plain outfit, I guess, because it’s almost all white, but the individual pieces are awesome. I can’t tell if Taehyung’s got a white cardigan over a white button down or if it’s the same shirt, but two of them; either way, the layered look came out really well. Also, the hat and the glasses straps are a mood. I think what made me love this outfit as a whole, though, are the pants because, I think they’re silk, and they’ve got blue dots all over them, which I apparently really like.

Taehyung #1: I don’t know why I think of Taehyung’s outfit in the leftmost picture as the outfit that represents this era, but I guess that’s why I like it so much. It’s hard to tell in the photo I have, but the lacy cardigan is so pretty. It almost has a glimmer to it because of the material, so that’s nice, but then there’s the scarf and the tan pants and the moccasin-like shoes, and--listen, this is a good fit, okay?

Boy With Luv

If you’ve made it this far, congrats! You’ve found the only era in which I’ve chosen one member for all three outfits. We’ll talk about that in a minute, but Taehyung was styled so damn well for the Boy With Luv MV. I don’t know why they decided on two seperate styles for the boys that was all-pink and then all-white, but they looked so damn good. Like, their other two sets of outfits were just kind-of-retro-and-goofy randomness, but then they had such strong color themes as well. Whatever; it turned out amazingly.

Taehyung #3: I really couldn’t find a third outfit that I really like for the last slot, but I chose Taehyung’s outfit in the rightmost picture because the light denim, white dress shirt, and white detail on the jacket was simple yet interesting. I don’t know if that’s weird, but the little details like the cuffs of the jacket or the cropped jeans with the detail at the bottom made me love the outfit.

Taehyung #2: I thought I knew this was gonna be my number one, but I digress. I don’t know why the other members were basically just in sweats that looked like pajamas--besides Namjoon, who, for some reason, was in a suit and sweater--for the pink theme, but they put Taehyung in a gorgeous jacket that made him look like the dude that invented sex. Does that make sense? Anyway, the tone of pink for outfit, the tie-dye shirt, and the silk jacket are all iconic.

Taehyung #1: No, but Taehyung’s white suit is so stunning? I don’t think the material is silk, but whatever the name of it is that escapes me right now is gorgeous. It’s got, like, a sheen to it that’s really beautiful. And the fluffy sleeves? Please. They’re such a cool texture, and it makes Taehyung look so elegant. As an aside, they definitely darkened the blue of his hair for the shoot with the white suit, right? Because it looks like they did, and the blue his hair is in the leftmost picture is amazing.

Lights

I mean, this era was basically just clothes the boys already wear rather than costumes for the MV, but I’m talking about it anyway. I guess the idea was for the outfits to be casual but colorful to mimic the message of Lights and the tone of the song.

Jungkook #2: This is yet another case in which I didn’t know what outfit to put in the third slot, so I said, “Hey, Jungkook’s pick jacket is nice,” and I arrived here. I mean, it is a nice jacket. Normally, I don’t like hot pink, but I think since Jungkook’s jeans are light and he’s wearing a light shirt, the jacket almost acts as a dark color and offsets the light pieces.

Jungkook #1: I mean, how do I talk about a simple outfit, you know? It just looks nice. He’s got a blue shirt underneath, so that’s a nice pop of color. I think I mostly like the shirt he has on over his tee because it’s pinstriped, and I like pinstripes. That’s all I got, but I really do like the outfit.

Jimin: Can you say, “This is my favorite outfit because of the jacket?” Good. Genuinely, though, this is the nicest outfit, by far, in the Lights era. The way the color is printed on the black is super interesting because it’s like one long stripe, but the stripe is a bit of a gradient with the black from the rest of the jacket creeping in. I don’t know; I like it more than I probably need to.

We’re going with the main MV, kids, but let the record show that Taehyung’s outfit in the Manifesto Film was bomb as fuck. Actually, they were all bomb as fuck. Anyway, I guess this MV was going for a peasant vibe? I don’t mean that in a rude way, but it’s supposed to be about people fighting their fears, right? So, it makes sense that the concept would be about scruffy characters that stand up and fight. So, yeah; a chic peasant vibe.

Jimin: You can’t at all see it in the picture I have, but the reason I chose Jimin’s outfit is because it has some synching in down the front that looks really cool. I don’t want to say that made my decision, but that one detail turned it from a basic outfit to something that looked a bit more elevated. I mean, it’s the same thing with the boots and the fact that the jacket on top is cropped. Little details matter to me.

J-Hope: It’s a basic outfit, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t cool. I think part of the reason I love it so much is because it’s dirty. Is that weird? It’s an outfit that reminds me of scuffed boots because it’s black but a little mussed. Anyway, the overall affect was awesome.

Taehyung: I think this goes down as an iconic Taehyung look, for me. It’s such a good costume. There were a lot of browns in this MV, so--much like with Hobi’s outfit--the charcoal of Taehyung’s pants stood out a lot to me. He’s also got this grey-white combat boots that stick out so much when they’re on camera. Mostly, though, it’s the vest and shirt that got me wild. The vest is such a nice color, but it’s got that ragged feel, the shirt is ratty and antique looking, and the entire ensemble is a win from head to toe. Including the thorns on Taehyung’s neck because, holy shit, are those the coolest additions to any concept in any BTS era.

Black Swan

I tried so hard to capture these outfits, but you really do need to go look at them yourself to understand how pretty they are. Black Swan has kind of a simple MV if you think about it, but honestly, the wardrobe brings so much life and character to it. In the same way I Need U has the shorts stories in it and IDOL has all the CGI in it, I really think the magic from the Black Swan era has a lot to do with the outfits. Especially considering how well the wardrobe looked in conjunction with the choreography.

Yoongi: This was almost another entirely Taehyung era with Taehyung second all-black outfit, but Yoongi really had a stunning concept for his black swan ensemble. I really love that they put him in boots, and his slacks are really pretty, but the shirt they styled him in is such a good piece. It’s entirely black, but it’s still striped, and the contrast in it is so beautiful to look at.

Taehyung #2: So, Taehyung had the most black showing in his white swan outfit, and I don’t know if that’s because Taehyung was supposed to seem like the member that would transform the fastest or what, but I loved his suit a lot. The jacket is super asymmetrical, as you can see in the photo, and it looks gorgeous during the choreo. Also, underneath his black vest, he’s got this sheer turtleneck that looks absolutely beautiful when you see it up close. Plus, the feather detail on Taehyung’s necklace is really pretty, too.

Taehyung #1: Please go look at the suit in the leftmost picture in the MV because it is stunning. I don’t know anything about who designed it or who put Taehyung in it, but it’s crazy beautiful. Like, his shirt is velvet, I think, which is already an interesting textural piece, but then the suit itself has detail work everywhere. The base material has a sheen to it, but then there’s patches that are glittery and gorgeous, as well, and when the light hits them, they’re so, so pretty. I love, love, love this suit.

Stay Gold

This is another era that’s kind of full of typical outfits, but they’ve got some interesting pieces going on that make the wardrobe for Stay Gold stand out more than in Lights or RUN, for example. Because the MV moves from inside to outside, their main outfits look different in each area since you see them in cool-toned scenes and then warm-toned scenes, which is pretty fun.

J-Hope: I’m sorry these photos show, like, nothing, but let me tell about Hobi’s outfit. So, initially, there’s a blue cardigan on top of Hobi’s other two shirts, and that’s not a piece we need to concern ourselves with. The button down Hobi is wearing is blue primarily but the fabric is plaid at the bottom of one of the sleeves and the shirt, which looks awesome. Plus, his pants are kind of mossy looking, and I think they’re red, as well. I don’t know why that looks so cool to me, but there it is.

Yoongi: Yoongi’s just got a lot of nice layering going on. First of all, the boots are awesome. Secondly, the cut of his pants is really nice, especially since he’s got boots on. The baggy sweater he has on is nice, as well, because of the holes in it--I understand that’s weird--but the part that makes his outfit look awesome to me isn’t even in the photo I was able to get. Yoongi’s got a plaid shirt around his waist that’s, like, sand colored, and it compliments his boots so well. Basically, the outfit was built around the boots, and I vibe with it.

Taehyung: I mean, all Taehyung is wearing is a white shirt, and denim jacket, combat boots, and what I believe are black jeans, but it looks so nice because of the specific pieces they are. For instance, the denim jacket is a really stunning shade that I don’t feel like I see enough, and it worked really well with the black jeans. It’s a simple outfit, but I love it because of the solid elements.

Dynamite

This was, without a doubt, the most interesting era of BTS’s wardrobe. Maybe you’d give that title to IDOL, DNA, or War of Hormone because those outfits were so song-specific, just like Dynamite, but the disco theme on these boys is a cultural reset. I think I can confidently say that, for me, the Dynamite era had the absolute best set of outfits as a whole. Every single era has had an outfit I don’t like, but every outfit in the Dynamite MV was fire.

Yoongi: I mean, look how cute he looks, you know? My man’s got a Space Jam jersey on for fuck’s sake; how can I not include this outfit? Real shit, though, the black and white sweatpants and shirt or whatever it is that Yoongi is wearing is so pretty. Like, the print on it is so pleasing to look at, and the cut and stitching of the top piece is super nice.

Jimin: I struggled between choosing this Jimin outfit and the denim outfit with the rainbow details, but I love Jimin’s bomber jacket so damn much. It looks like candy. Whether you think that’s weird or not is your business, but it’s colorful like candy, and it’s shiny like candy, so that’s what the outfit it. Also, he’s got those jeans on that you can tell are hella expensive because they look really nice, and I like those, too. Just as an aside.

Taehyung: This is the reason I’m making this post. This fucking green suit has lived in my mind rent free since I saw it. Whoever it was that put Taehyung in this suit deserves to rule the world because it’s such a focal piece. Legit, like, you put everyone else in loose shirts and denim, but you put Kim Taehyung in a green suit that makes him look like the richest man alive? How could it not be a focal piece? I could talk about Taehyung’s shoes, I could talk about the tan silk of the vest, I could talk about the striped tie, I could talk about Taehyung stunning blonde hair for this era that makes the outfit and the song even better for days. Just know this look is iconic, and it’s probably my favorite look on this list.

Life Goes On

So, I cheated for this one, but I also kind of didn’t. None of these photos are from the main MV because I couldn’t get good photos of these outfits from the main MV; however, these outfits are actually shown in the main MV, so it’s not really cheating. I just went to the other MV versions to get better pictures of them. Anyway, what a comfy vibe they went for with Life Goes On; I love it a lot since the song is what it is. It’s nice to have MV outfits that represent the song so well and play into how you take in the music.

Yoongi: It’s the pastel cardigan, for me, fam. I mean, obviously, the entire outfit is nice, what with the light wash jeans and the white tee. It’s just that the cardigan adds an interesting piece to it to make it less basic.

Jimin: It’s kind of the same thing with Jimin. Well, Jimin’s also got a bear on his shirt, so that’s adorable. Honestly, the violent green of his sweater is both appealing and not appealing, in a way, but I think that’s why I like it so much. It’s fuzzy and has nice texture to it, as well. Jimin definitely looked the most comfy of all the members in this outfit.

Taehyung: Why I love Taehyung in tan-and-white pajamas, I couldn’t say. I think it’s because the pajamas are already nice and have a nice pattern on them, but then you put a cozy looking cardigan on top of them, and it makes it look even better. Or do I like it so much because the cardigan is a solid color where the pajamas have a pattern? Whatever; Taehyung looks cute. That is all.

Film out

I’ll be honest: this era was hard to choose outfits from because everyone kind of looked the same since everything was almost entirely white sweaters and button downs. The outfits were all nice, it’s just that none of them stuck out that much. I mostly went for the outfits that looked the best as a whole rather than considering the individual pieces.

Jin: Jin looked the most unique out all the members; that’s for sure. I like that he’s wearing black pants, but I also really like the short-sleeve shirt he has on top of his white tee. Rather than it being a plain white outfit, the pants and the stripes made it look a bit more interesting.

Yoongi: Yoongi in a white suit always slaps. I don’t know; I like the suit because it’s not really a real suit. It’s a thinner fabric, so I guess it looks a bit more casual than a usual suit, and I like that a lot. Plus, Yoongi’s got some really pretty white shoes that he wears with it.

Taehyung: Of the sweaters and button downs in this MV, I liked Taehyung’s sweater the best. His is similar to Jungkook’s but Jungkook’s sweater was a bit darker, I think, and I like the shade of Taehyung’s. Plus, Taehyung’s got white shoes and white pants, which make the whole outfit look really beautiful. The textural difference between the pieces makes the difference, I think.

Butter

So, the queen came out and broke records. She also gave me a Taejin goldmine. Y’all, it’s not like the other members aren’t flirty as hell in Butter, but Taejin were absolute other beings. Anyway, I think the boys had something like five outfits for this MV? Mostly suits, but there were two sets of outfits that were odd but also fun. Those ones, I didn’t love, but suits are hard to choose from. These three are the ones that really stuck out.

Taehyung #2: I think it’s the shirt. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what in the world is on it, but I like the texture. I liked JK’s suit in the beginning, too, but I think I liked the Taehyung’s lighter shirt a lot better. Otherwise, the two are close to the same. Oh, the sunglasses are a vibe, too.

Jin: Why has no one put Jin in yellow before now? Why did take a song about a yellow spread to put Jin in yellow? Honestly, of the yellow-detailed outfits at the end of the MV, I liked Jin’s the best because the yellow was used in a few, small places that popped rather than being too understated or overblown (no offense to Taehyung and Hobi’s yellow jackets). Like, Jin doesn’t have a tie, so it’s not blocking the shirt, the yellow stripes on his pants look so cool when he dances, and the pocket square is a nice detail. So, Jin looks good as fuck in this MV.

Taehyung #1: I was done for the second I saw Kim Taehyung in a bright orange suit. Taehyung is always the one that gets the suits like this, isn’t he? I mean, he can work it, though. The nude tie was a really gorgeous detail, I thought, because it didn’t retract from the suit at all. I guess the same can be said about the shirt, too. I don’t know, I just really love the entire package of Taehyung’s outfit in the leftmost picture.

Permission to Dance

This was such a cute little music video, and I thought the cowboy/Western theme was super fun since the boys have never done this concept before. I knew what my number one was gonna be from the teaser, but the last two were difficult to pick. I liked Yoongi’s outfit at the end of the MV, and I liked Jungkook’s outfit in the last frame (but there were no close-ups of it, unfortunately). Ultimately, I settled on what I did because I liked the details.

Jin: Sometimes I like simplicity, and Jin’s outfit was simple, but the gold paisley design on his pants--which are leather by the way; I know, absolutely criminal--is gorgeous. I also liked his boots a lot and the fact that his fringe was on his shirtfront pockets.

Taehyung #2: Initially, I had Namjoon’s first outfit in this list, but after watching the Permission to Dance MV way too many times, I ended really loving Taehyung’s all-red outfit. I liked the fringe on the legs, I like the fit of the slacks, I love the cut of the shirt, I love the way they styled this outfit, I like the boots, the accessories are awesome, and this outfit flatters Taehyung so damn much. Basically, even though it’s just red on red, it’s a damn good way to do red on red.

Taehyung #1: This fit is it, fam. It’s it on Taehyung specifically, and it’s it in general. Especially on Taehyung, though. That’s not what this is about. Anyway, the pieces of this outfit are really nice. The hat, surprisingly, fits this particular outfit really well. The denim wash on the shirt and the jeans look really nice together, and all the details--from the rips in the jeans to the bandana at the hips to the belt to the chain--were all things that made me think this outfit was awesome the moment I saw it. Not to mention the boots and accessories.

Alright, that’s it. I don’t know if you actually read this post or just looked at the photos (which, if you did the latter, I’m so sorry for the shitty screenshots.) If you have a favorite outfit, era, or set of outfits, let me know in the replies. And if you know the types of clothes these boys were wearing in any of these photos, I’d be interested in actually knowing what I’m talking about next time I talk about their clothes, so drop me some info. Anyway, thanks for reading!

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #kim taehyung #park jimin #jeon jungkook #min yoongi #kim seokjin #kim namjoon #jung hoseok

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pkmnsdarkqueen · 3 years

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shipping info !

answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what is your otp for your character?:

look I know it's a Crack ship but Karen and Lysandre weirdly works for every reason they shouldn't. They're definitely these opposites attract and each of them kinda of counter in some ways the other's more extreme mindsets or challenge them in a way that makes character development very easy. For example Lysandre despising those that manipulate others and Karen hates judgemental society people. Well Karen used to be a criminal and manipulator but uses it for good now to help those that need it challenging his view and she challenges his in that (especially anime Lys) he maybe high class judgemental but it started from trying to be a good person and getting burned which she can relate to.

So opposites atttact, or hateship changing to mutual respect to crush works too, and basically I just really love the character interplay that's possible.

The height difference jokes are a bonus. Lysandre putting something on a high shelf in her line of sight and moment later hears banging about to find her 5'5 self managed to climb her way up there anyway. Goblin energy meeting refined energy is a ✨ vibe ✨

And my favorite joke: if Karen is linked to Ho-oh, fire, and Lysandre messes with Yveltal, dark, birds of a feather fly together cause they were just looking for the right type. :D

what are you willing to write when it comes to shipping?:

Ah alot generally. My only limit is nsfw tho I'm trying some of it on discord with Bruno wik ship to get more comfortable with it. Like if someone wants to get dark, lez get dark.

I will say tho fluff usually bores me terribly. I mean in writing anything can happen so I enjoy writing angst, things that have arcs, or force character development.

Just the usual day to day stuff gets old fast, or a ship that's like too perfect with one being overly gushy because then it just feels mundane. Also if one partner is great all the time then that's horribly boring, they gotta be equally troubled or the relationship just feels unbalanced.

Also no pokemon, especially if they lack a human form, I feel like that should be obvious but.....well you'd be surprised.

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?:

If you do the age divided by 2 minus seven but throw that in reverse the oldest person Karen can Date is 56 so there's the answer there. For younger it's 25, so we'll go with those numbers.

are you selective when shipping?:

Fairly to some degree. Unless I see a good dynamic I usually don't go for it. Tho Karen hasn't had much experience with relationships so sometimes I make a bad call cause I think I see something, but then later realize that maybe there isn't the development here I thought there was.

how far do steamy moments have to go before they are considered nsfw?:

Making out with clothes on and no touching the chest and crotch area. So hollywood pg13 style. If there is a steamy moment we both feel the characters would have a fade to black waking up later is what I go for.

who are the characters you ship your character with?:

Ah too many. Giovanni would be fun for twist Karen which I had started with someone, or mainverse if she's befriended a Silver cause well dad issues. Looker would be fun cause I feel like they'd step on each other's turf and lime he'd know she was doing crime but trying to prove it would be fun. Also home girl is bi but has mom issues so I do want to ship her with more girls just to explore that. Had one ship with an Elsa which low key could of been cute.

But yeah I have a long list but those are some highlights.

does one have to ask to ship with you?:

Yes please, but hey we can have casual rps first if you want to test the waters and then pop in and be like,"hey I think a ship might be here." If I feel it ill tell you if not I'd be super excited tk see what ideas you might have.

how often do you like to ship?:

Whenever it happens tbh 😅

are you ship obsessed or ship more - or - less?:

Leaning ship obsessed when I see a possible one but also I didn't have ships on this account for like 2 years so again it's more kinda I take it if it happens.

are you multiship?:

Gosh yes there's too many dynamics and rpers that leave like a revolving door sadly so multiship is the only viable option I can see. Bless yall that single ship you are amazing as well I could never do it.

what is your favourite ship in your current fandom?:

Jessie and James. I've loved it since childhood despite my first fictional crush being James. Just gosh they're so cute.

finally, how does one ship with you?:

Usually just ask early and we'll work something out in messages to see if it'd work, or we rp for a bit and pop in messages if you've got a ship dynamic. My messages are a friendly place folks.

tagged by: stole it from @piercethepiers

tagging:

Steal it gremlins

#shipping #dash meme

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hazzabeeforlou · 4 years

Text

Digging Deeper

Thanks @alienfuckeronmain for the tag, this I’ve loved reading everyone’s, and I tag @taintedlav @rahashirley @raisemybody @twopoppies @cuethetommo @metal-eye and @seasurfacefullofclouds1 if anyone wants to play!!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? ink color matters less than ball-point-ness...

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? I want a witch’s cottage with a giant messy garden on the edge of the moors and a forest a million miles away from everyone. So country.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I’ve actually stretched myself this summer! Am learning French and guitar, and idk if it counts but learning my new job which I NEVER thought I could handle lol since I’ve never worked retail

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Honey ;)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Well I have to say Narnia and Redwall, but when I was very tiny I loved this book about a girls who could whistle and speak to animals (named Mable) and the Velveteen Rabbit, and a book called “The Lost Princess” which is fucking amazing, by the precursor to CS Lewis, George MacDonald

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I usually take showers because baths take too much time. Also baths are romantic and that makes me sad, and also I have to look at my body which, ug, not prepared to do that all the time rip

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Mer. Fucking. Maid. Though I’ve always wanted to fly too, I used to spend HOURS in the water just underwater swimming with my legs stuck together just pretending to be on ocean adventures

8. Paper or electronic books? I usually much prefer paper, but since I got these blue light blocking glasses I am finding i’m fine either way physically. Soul-wise though, yeah, paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Probably my mango colored crop hoodie that I once smashed melting frozen blueberries on and then spent hours and days getting the stains out...

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? My real name is super boring and typical, though I do like it. I enjoy my tumblr name a lot, Toni, and it feels more genderless and constrictive than my actual name lol

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’ve had so many great teachers, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned in life is that so many you admire can be deeply flawed. I have lots of trust issues. I only take advice from a select few people, and they don’t include anyone ‘old and wise’ lol

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Oh for sure, I used to want to be an actress or a rock star or whatever. Famous author. I would fucking LOVE to have a platform and help people and cheer people up and see people grocery shopping and have instant friends. I know that sounds terribly naive but I’ve said before I share a lot of Harry’s personality, and I just love flirting with people and smiling with them and giving hugs. Now, I would want to be famous as TONI me and not real me, because then I could never be myself because my fam would find out rip

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Depends on my mattress. Currently, yes, ugg. I wake up in an omega nesting scene from a fic every morning

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Unfortunately yes.

15. Which element best represents you? idk I usually say fire but I’m feeling more water lately

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I’m working on getting to know my amazing sister better, and that’s been lovely.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my friends have been long distance for actual years, so i don’t miss anymore more than normal. I am missing just... the POTENTIAL for someone. This indefinite distancing is wearing on me.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I was like two or three, and we were out on a full moon walk and I was in my stroller in the red sheepskin bundled up, and I remember coming up our sidewalk and looking at the world and moon and thinking, “remember this moment, or you’re going to grow up and forget how wonderful it was.” Also when I was five I had a breakdown on my mom’s lap because “I’m going to grow up and be too big to be sung lullabies to!” and I didn’t want anything to change EVER

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I used to make a concoction of rye crackers, mustard, and pickles. Don’t ask

20. What are you most thankful for? all the opportunities I’ve had in life. I’m so massively privileged

21. Do you like spicy food? depends on how hot

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I saw a few celebs in NYC, Shosh from Girls, the guy from Monk, Tim Gun, John Oliver (and his golden retriever) and I passed a drunk as a skin Alec Baldwin outside Lincoln Center one day. Probably other people I didn’t recognize. Oh and S**** M***** rented my instrument right before covid hit here, and drunk him (or high him) couldn’t believe he had a h*** to play around on, and then I saw him staring at mountains being the most stereotypical rich white boy ever, also he did not send out gay vibes but don’t let that stop your Shiall, please don’t let it

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? I almost always start with the new year and do like. A day. And then forget.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? PEN

25. What is your star sign? Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Depends on the cereal, those golden grams were BEST thoroughly soaked in milk fight me

27. What would you want your legacy to be? make the world a little better

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? Yes but you know, i’m the worst at making time for it. Still getting through that Brief Interviews with Hideous Men or whatever it is

29. How do you show someone you love them? Just thinking of them and doing little things to surprise them, I think

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yep the smaller and more crush friendly the better

31. What are you afraid of? I really do not. like. limb loss. no horror movies for me EVER

32. What is your favourite scent? wet Labrador because it means there’s a WET LABRADOR

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? surname always unless I’ve always known them by firsts. Religion, man

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I have this dream of buying up all the land shitty developers snatch up in this country and ceding it back to its rightful owners. I’ve legit cried over little forests turned into parking lots, thanks Joni Mitchell

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools are so clean and have no sharks or jellyfish. that said, they also have no waves...

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? turn it into the store it was closest to. I’m the lawful good box and yes I hate it

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? YES in Breckenridge one year I saw a fucking meteor shower! I’ve wished on some, they’ve never come true I don’t think.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I’m too scared to have children even if I could (I can’t) because of the pressure of what would fuck them up and what wouldn’t

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I love my baby tat @alienfuckeronmain gave me, idk if I’d want another one someday, maybe a sister tat with my sis

40. What can you hear now? The fan, my typing, my parents watching old TV shows

41. Where do you feel the safest? With a pet outside in nature somewhere

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? putting limits on things /myself/people

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? You know I used to really DREAM about this shit, but since I realized I would have genetically DIED in any other era, and that my dreaming was a literal result of white privilege since it would fucking SUCK to be anyone else (I mean even now it’s awful wtf) I just. Stick with the present.

44. What is your most used emoji? the laughing face. oops.

45. Describe yourself using one word. Supercalifragelisticexpialidocious

46. What do you regret the most? I have so many. social. anxiety. nightmares from my 28 years of life that haunt me

47. Last movie you saw? l think it was the Downton Abbey movie?

48. Last tv show you watched? Monk

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Surplumn. a really divinely wonderful thing, like ‘oh her lips are surplumn’ like a juicy chocolate mousse and perky breasts idk

#tag games #this was fun but did take forever lol #about me

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anistarrose · 5 years

Text

To See The Unseen - Ch. 2 (Gravity Falls)

Summary: Stan meets the mirror’s creator.

Warnings: a very brief description of a dead animal, and a character being hospitalized (no character death)

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/20884673/chapters/49642817

Big thanks to @apathetic-revenant for betaing this chapter!

***

“I’ve never been more ready to go to bed in my life,” Wendy groaned as she led the way back to the Mystery Shack. “You think Stan will mind if I crash on your couch for a couple hours? My brothers will be awake and screaming their heads off by the time I get home.”

“Yeah, he probably won’t mind,” Dipper replied. “Just be sure to tell him we were camping. He’ll go ballistic if he found out we almost died in the Author’s doomsday bunker.”

“But only because he cares about us,” Mabel spoke up. Her sweater was still slightly damp, and she shivered in the brisk early morning breeze. “I mean, if I was him and you guys told me you fought a shapeshifter in a fallout shelter, I’d go ballistic too!”

“You WHAT?!” Stan gasped. “What did I tell you just the other day about looking for trouble with the Journal?!”

The kids kept walking, passing straight through him. Mabel shivered again, but other than that, they gave no sign of having heard his outburst.

“Even if I have been a hypocrite about it…” Stan whispered.

Wendy squinted at the Shack, raising a hand to shade her eyes from the morning sun. “Hey, am I so tired I’m hallucinating, or is that Blubs and Durland on the porch?”

“Oh, great. What did Stan do this time?” Dipper mumbled. “Hey, Soos, you should probably hide that laptop from them —”

“Pines kids!” Durland shouted. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here! Something terrible has happened!”

Soos, Wendy, and the twins stared at him with glazed-over, sleep-deprived eyes.

“You need us to… help solve a mystery?” Dipper asked.

“A murder mystery?” Mabel echoed, rubbing her eyes. “We have a kind-of-okay track record with those…”

“Whatever it is, I have an alibi,” Wendy muttered.

Blubs stepped forward, gaze fixed on the floorboards. “It’s about… it’s about your uncle.”

“Shit,” Stan mumbled. “Kids, whatever they say happened, I promise it’s not actually that bad —”

His voice cut off. Was that even true? He didn’t know a single thing about what being trapped in this gray mirror world meant for him — it easily could be not just ‘that bad,’ but even worse.

“Is Mr. Pines okay?” Soos asked. “What happened?!”

“He’s in the hospital. Dan Corduroy found him in the forest this morning, and… well, I’m no doctor, but apparently he didn’t seem injured and his vitals were all A-okay. He just… won’t wake up no matter what anyone tries.”

Mabel gasped, and Soos covered his mouth.

“Do — do you know how it happened?” Dipper stammered. “Was it one of the anomalies? How long has he been unconscious?”

Blubs sighed. “I’m so sorry, Dipper, but I don’t know a single thing. You know what — here, get into the squad car. I’ll drive you to the hospital so you can see him.”

Stan drifted after his family, watching as they piled into the police car. Mabel stared out the window, quieter than Stan had ever seen her before, while Dipper buried his nose in Journal 3, frantically flipping through pages so quickly he gave himself a paper cut.

“It’ll be alright,” Mabel told him without making eye contact. “The doctors will figure something out.”

“But what if they don’t?” Dipper asked. He didn’t seem to have even noticed his finger was bleeding. “What if medicine can’t help him, because it’s supernatural?” he continued in a voice barely above a whisper. “There’s no info about anything like this in the Journal — but if only I had the other volumes, then maybe they’d have something that could help. Something about how to cure him…”

“Oh, Dipper,” Stan murmured. “It just got me into this mess in the first place…”

***

Pacifica lay in bed, half-awake, for longer than usual that morning, until the sound of a servant knocking on her door startled her, and she finally crawled out from under the satin sheets. It took a few seconds of staring at the compact mirror resting atop her dresser before the events of the past night rushed back to her, and she shuddered.

The mirror still gave her bad vibes, even in broad daylight and outside of the infamously unnerving Gravity Falls forest. It reminded her of certain taxidermy-filled rooms of the mansion, especially the allegedly haunted one — there was just a sort of chill in the air around it, just barely subtle enough for you to convince yourself it was only your imagination acting up.

Even though she hadn’t changed out of her nightgown yet and would’ve looked ridiculous had anyone been around to see her, Pacifica put on a pair of gloves before opening the mirror. She was still going against both her gut feeling and basic common sense by examining the artifact at all, but she knew that if she hid it away now, there would eventually come a day when she grew so bored, she wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation any longer.

Despite bracing herself for the worst, nothing cataclysmic happened when she opened the mirror — no swarms of insects flew out, no bolts of dark magic incinerated her, and as far as she could tell, no deadly plagues seemed to be released into the world.

But although it wasn’t quite the Pandora’s Box she’d been expecting, it was most definitely supernatural. The mirror reflected everything in grayscale, except for her own body, which glowed blue. And the picture below…

Surprisingly, it looked incomplete. A broad-shouldered silhouette dressed in dark clothing stood in front of a row of trees, that much was clear, but most of the details were missing, especially around the completely blank area where a face should’ve been.

“Well, that’s freaky…” Pacifica was about to rummage through the contents of her desk, looking for a magnifying glass to examine the portrait more closely, when her maid knocked on her door again, and she reflexively snapped the mirror closed.

“Remember, your dance tutor will be arriving at ten o’clock sharp! You’d best be eating breakfast soon, unless you want to be late!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming!” Pacifica called back, shoving the mirror under her pillow as she hastily selected a dress from her closet and a necklace from her jewelry box before rushing to the bathroom. “I’ll be back for you,” she whispered to the mirror.

The mirror didn’t reply, but had it still been opened, Pacifica might’ve noticed that the portrait was ever-so-slowly growing closer to completion, adding a tie to the figure’s sharp black suit.

***

After a few minutes of asking the doctors one question after another, none of which they were able to answer, Dipper threw a glass of cold water in his face, adjusted his hat, and declared that he was off to investigate the place where Stan had been found, hoping to find some evidence that would lead to a cure. Wendy quickly announced she was going with him, which didn’t surprise Stan — he knew she’d never been fond of hospitals.

Figuring it would be smart to stay close to his body in case of a breakthrough, Stan didn’t follow Dipper and Wendy as they left, but still he overheard Dipper muttering to himself:

“I need to find the other Journals. One of them must have the answer to getting him back, somehow…”

“Come on, kid,” Stan whispered. “Don’t you go down this road too. It’s no fun to live your life like this, trust me…”

Mabel pulled her chair right up next to Stan’s hospital bed, and leaned up against him, burying her head in his spare pillow. Soos sat on the other side of the room, half-heartedly flipping through hospital-provided health magazines and flinching almost every time Stan’s heart monitor beeped. Like Pacifica, neither of them had reacted to the pale blue glow that Stan could see coming from beneath his body’s half-closed eyelids.

He tried to give Mabel a reassuring pat on the back, to no avail. Her breathing slowed as his hand passed through her shoulder, and for a second he was afraid he’d hurt her somehow, but then she began to snore quietly, and he realized she’d just fallen asleep.

“What am I gonna do, Soos?” Stan asked. “I can’t get back in my body, I can’t tell you what happened, I can’t even let you know I’m okay…”

A new, terrifying realization dawned on him. “I can’t operate the portal! I was so close to getting Ford back, so goddamn close! But how am I going to save him if I’m trapped in this mirror world?!”

“You could always do what he did, and get a little help from a friend!”

The voice wasn’t spoken out loud as much as it resonated in Stan’s mind, high-pitched and echoing in a way that made his nonexistent ears ache. He was also pretty sure he’d heard it before, even if he hadn’t been in the most coherent state at the time.

“I swear,” he growled, “if I turn around and see that screaming geometry dipshit from my nightmare last week, I’m gonna puke ghost guts all over that one-eyed piss-yellow triangular ass of his.”

The being behind him began to clap. “Go ahead and turn around, then! I’d love to see it!”

Stan turned, and sure enough, found himself facing a one-eyed, piss-yellow, triangular entity.

“Well? Where’s the ghost puke you promised me?”

“Shut the fuck up, Bill. That is your name, right? I gotta be sure you know exactly how much I hate your dumb whiny voice in particular.”

“Read about me in Fordsy’s journal, did you?” Bill asked, twirling his cane.

Stan raised a hand to his ear. “Huh, what’s that noise? ‘Cause it definitely isn’t a first grader’s math homework shutting the fuck up, that’s for sure!”

Bill let his cane go flying out of his grip and through the nearest wall, disappearing from view for a moment before popping back into existence in his other hand. “Oh, Stanley, Stanley, Stanley. I’m here to help you, just like I helped Sixer! So let’s not say anything we’ll end up regretting later —”

“Too late.” The cocky grin disappeared from Stan’s face as he made a fist. “No one calls Ford ‘Sixer’ but me, and you’re really gonna regret mixing that one up if I have anything to say about it.”

“Oh, my bad!” Bill shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I didn’t mean to slight your precious sibling relationship, which you both clearly value SO much! If only I could make it up to you by… I dunno, saving you from ETERNAL IMPRISONMENT?!”

“I’ve broken out of prison in three different countries, I’ll be fine on my own. Also, I know you tried to hurt my family when you all went off on your wild goose chase through my mind — and call me overprotective of those kids if you want to, but in my book, that’s a pretty good reason not to make any dark magical contracts with you.”

For the first time, Bill looked genuinely looked caught off guard by one of Stan’s comebacks. “You were conscious for that? You know what, forget it. I —”

“Well, I mean, I was asleep — but I was definitely dreaming about you getting your ass kicked.”

“I said FORGET IT!” Bill snapped.

“Touchy subject, eh?”

“It was in the past! It doesn’t matter anymore!” Bill shouted. “You need my help and my deal now, Stanley Pines, and there’s no way around it!”

Stan floated lower, until he was able to roughly approximate sitting at the foot of the bed. “Well, looks like I’ve got all day to kill and nothing better to do. I’m not gonna listen, but you might as well start making your case anyway.”

Bill’s eye narrowed with glee, and he began to chuckle to himself, then cackle louder and louder until it felt like his laughter would never stop echoing inside Stan’s head.

“Here’s the thing, Stanley — you really don’t have all day at all! In fact, you have…”

With a burst of flame, he summoned a ticking gold pocketwatch in his hand. “Exactly twelve hours and two minutes!”

“Until what? I’m not gonna fold and cut a deal with you just because of a vague threat and a time limit — that’s like, even more basic than Manipulation 101.”

Bill laughed, and his pocketwatch cooed like a cuckoo clock as an avian skeleton sprung out of the hole in the center. “Twelve hours until your body stops breathing, obviously! It’ll be real sudden, too — no time for the doctors to switch you over to life support before your brain runs out of oxygen!” One of his arms extended as he reached over to Stan, rapping him on the skull. “Then again, I’m not sure you’re getting much blood flow up there in the first place. Certainly less than old Fordsy —”

“Why should I believe you?” Stan asked. “If I was a math nerd’s demonic fever dream, I’d be making up bullshit life-or-death ultimatums left and right. Who would be be dumb enough to make a bargain with me otherwise?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised. But to answer your question, just look at your own eyes, down there in your body! They’re not even glowing half as bright as when you first got flipped into the mindscape, and they’re only gonna keep getting dimmer until the connection’s gone altogether!”

Bill snapped his fingers, summoning a plume of blue flame in which an image of the mirror flickered into existence. “When that portrait in the compact is completed, exactly twenty-four hours from the moment you entered the mirror, you’ll be severed from the living world forever — and that’s not all! Your soul gets trapped inside that musty old picture to rot and fester until either someone new scries with the mirror, or eternity itself comes grinding to a halt at the end of the world! That’s the beauty of it: you get to be all-seeing — almost like me! — for exactly one day, but once that’s over, all you’ll ever see again is the inside of a closed compact!”

The image in the flames faded away as they swirled around Bill’s hand, which he extended in Stan’s direction. “But I can put you back in your body, and send the mirror’s previous prisoner back into the painting instead! I can save you, just like I saved your brother! Whaddya say?”

“Yeah, of course,” Stan answered, voice dripping with sarcasm. “All makes perfect sense to me. You just so happen to be the world’s leading expert on cursed mirror and equally cursed painting combos!”

“Well, why wouldn’t I be? I helped make the thing, after all!”

“Oh, did you? That explains why holding it instantly reminded me of my deep hatred for trigonometry.”

Bill ignored him. “You know, your brother wasn’t the only mortal I’ve been a Muse to! He was just the only one in recent memory who was actually USEFUL. I’ve appeared before countless pupils over the years, looking for someone who’d be smart, ambitious, and not to mention gullible enough to help me fulfill my vision — but before Six-Fingers, everyone fell short. And worse — some of them wouldn’t stop summoning me even after I’d given up on them! They kept asking me inane questions about the beginning of the universe and the meaning of life!”

His triangular body turned bright red and the flames surrounding him roared as he continued: “Life doesn’t HAVE a meaning! Humanity was put on the planet to reproduce, die, and make meaningless philosophical arguments in a desperate attempt to convince themselves that morality and ethics are worth anything in the callous void that is existence — what else did they want me to tell them?! Some saccharine bullshit about being born so they could make the world a better place?”

“So you got fed up, and made the mirror to trap one of your ex-pawns?” Stan asked.

The flames disappeared, and Bill seemed to calm down, turning yellow again. “You catch on faster than I thought you would! I tricked one of my most insufferable pupils into creating it, and sure enough, he hasn’t bothered me since!”

“So when Ford tried to scry with the mirror thirty something years ago, he freed that guy’s ghost — but you still thought Ford would still be useful, didn’t you?” Stan tried to keep his voice calm, but he was starting to get a good idea of just who had driven Ford to such paranoia and desperation thirty years ago, and he was fuming inside. “So you freed Ford by switching his place with the ghost of that first guy you trapped.”

“Exactly!” Bill cheered, rubbing his hands together. “And I can do the same for you — just give me the word, and you’ll be back in your body before you know it!”

“Let’s imagine a parallel universe where I was a dumbass and I did take your deal. What other conditions would you be hiding in the fine print?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be hiding it! I’d actually be rather upfront, just like I’m being right now!” Bill smacked Stan on the head with a roll of paper, which unfurled to reveal a document titled CONTRACT.

“All I’d ask is for you do owe me one tiny favor down the line — a chance for me to borrow your restored body for a few hours when the right moment rolls around! I mean, you’ve coped without it for this long — what’ll one more brief stint in the mindscape be to a pro like you?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to say FUCK NO to that. I know you’re used to dealing with my brother, the most gullible genius on the planet, but while he may have all the brains, I have some actual goddamn common sense.”

“But — but don’t you want to open the portal?” Bill asked him, a little too quickly. “I’d like to see you try and operate it without your body!”

“Well, yeah — but are you really expecting me to be able to activate it all on my own? Even with all the journals, I’ve still got no idea what I’m doing,” Stan lied. “I could just as easily flip the thing’s self-destruct switch as I could find the right settings to bring Ford back. I’ll feel guilty if I can’t at least try, but… it was a hell of a long shot in the first place. I accepted that a long time ago, even if I don’t like to admit it.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Bill shouted. “The thing doesn’t even HAVE a self-destruct switch! I — I could even sweeten the deal, if you want! I could help you turn it on! This has been thirty years in the making — you can’t just give up on it now! Also, did I forget to mention YOUR ETERNAL FUCKING IMPRISONMENT and SLOW, PAINFUL CORRUPTION INTO A REVENGE-BENT MONSTER?!”

Okay, so Bill really wants the portal activated for some reason, Stan thought to himself. Interesting.

Out loud, he told Bill: “I’ve been messing around with too much shit that I don’t understand since before you even showed up. I’m not adding a deal with a demon to that list, and that’s final. Besides, you’re forgetting that the kids will probably figure something out. They always do.”

“Well, that sure is a cute sentiment!” Bill shot back. “But you’re already as good as dead to them, Stanley. They can’t see you, they can’t hear you — and soon enough, if you don’t do something, they won’t be able to feel your heart beating in your body anymore either!”

“Oh, I do plan on doing something,” Stan replied with a straight face. “It just won’t be the something you want me to do.”

“My offer still stands!” Bill shouted as he disappeared in a burst of blue flames. “Just call my name once it sinks in how doomed you are without me, and I’ll be right there to shake your hand and seal the deal!”

Mabel, still asleep next to Stan’s body, let out a deep sigh as Bill vanished, but otherwise didn’t react to their conversation. She was hugging Stan’s arm and clutching handfuls of the bedsheet like it were the lifeline tying Stan to the world, and if only she held on tight enough, she’d be able to drag him back.

And maybe, in a roundabout way, she could.

“Bill said I’m all-seeing like him until my twelve hours are up,” Stan explained to her, even knowing it wouldn’t be heard. “So if you’ll bear with me here, Mabel…”

He placed his hand over her forehead, and closed his eyes.

“I’m gonna see if I can haunt dreams like him too.”

***

Pacifica’s dance lesson dragged on for over an hour, showing no signs of coming to an end until she claimed to be experiencing a dehydration-induced dizzy spell and her instructor reluctantly excused her, probably fearing a lawsuit. She headed back to her room right away, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that her pillow — and the mirror beneath it — hadn’t been disturbed. She was going to have to find a better hiding place for it soon.

As she pulled out a map of the mansion, trying to think of nooks and crannies that no one ever checked, a thud from the hallway made her jump. She almost brushed it off, chalking it up to her imagination, when she heard it again, and then a third time, growing louder with each repetition.

It didn’t sound like footsteps — or at least, not the footsteps of any human. If anything, it sounded like solid stone was striking the hallway’s hardwood floor.

Pacifica watched, frozen in place, as a veil of smoke materialized around her doorknob, twisting it counterclockwise degree by degree as the door ever-so-slowly swung open —

And then she laughed, because what she was seeing in the hallway couldn’t have been further from the monster she’d been expecting.

“You’re a statue,” she snickered, and her visitor’s stone eyes lit up red.

Oh, but not just any statue, a voice boomed from inside the familiar face that had once watched over the town square. I’m Gravity Falls’ very own Nathaniel Northwest!

***

(End notes:)

I was very excited for this chapter since I don’t write a whole lot of Stan and Bill interacting (outside of Some Sunny Day, which was a whole different beast altogether). And sure enough, I had a ton of fun with Stan’s dialogue, which led to this chapter being about a thousand words longer than expected.

Anyways, comments/reblogs are appreciated as always!

#gravity falls #stanley pines #bill cipher #dipper pines #mabel pines #wendy corduroy #soos ramirez #pacifica northwest #fic: to see the unseen #rosalia writes fic

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crazyrandomfucker · 4 years

Text

Marichat May day 7: Disguise

Summary:

What would happen if Adrien and Adrienne tried to disguise themselves as random civilians and no one recognizes them? What would happen if they met Marin and Marinette and they called them out as Chat Noir and Kitty Noire instead of Adrien and Adrienne? Who knows

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As all the terrible ideas in existance, everything began with two kwamis high on cheese. Tecnically, it began when Adrien and Adrienne decided that it was a great idea to feed their kwamis 20 wheels of cheese each to stop them from their complains, but that's not relevant. The thing is that the two gods of destruction ate too much cheese and that made them enter into a state similar to cats when they have catnip. The last time Plagg entered such state, Atlantis had been drowned and lost forever. This time, luckily, the godly cats didn't destroy anything. Instead, they came up with an idea which would later on bring disaster to the Agreste teenagers (just kidding).

"Why don't you put on a disguise and go outside to be normal kids?" said Plagg.

"Even better, why don't put on a disguise, go outside to be normal kids and then put on a horrendous disguise to prank you father?" said Plaggue.

Those cursed questions turnedon the cruel gears of the universe that would later affect Adrienne and Adrien, on a way they'd never imagine. For them, it was simple, they would put on a horrendous disguise first and go out, but once they had their fun they would throw away those disguises and put on the real disguises ad try to be normal kids. At least, that was if no one recognized them first. Their ideas for the horrendous disguise were no others than the banana costume Adrien acquired during the Kwamibuster incident, while Adrienne decided to also use the Hot Dog costume she acquired during the same incident. Needless to say, if their father or Nathalie were to see them, they would have multiple heart attacks and probably a seizure. However, they didn't decide on what to wear as a disguise for the second part and just agreed to buy it from a store using their money.

The promised day arrived and the Agrestes were practically vibrating out of emotions. Their kwamis, were absolutely regretting everything they had said during the time they weren't at their best by simply looking at their stupid holders on those forsaken costumes. They strongly refused to comply with the kids and transform into Chat Noir and Kitty Noire, nope, definitely they weren't doing that, again. But their minds changed a bit when they saw the amount of cheese they would be having once they came back, giving into the demmands of Adrienne and Adrien and accepting the shame just to have a great amount of cheese to last them for about a week. And just like that, Adrienne turned into Kitty Noire as Adrien turned into Chat Noir, both getting ready to stealthily slither away from the mansion.

Once outside, they went to the center of Paris and found a safe alley to transform back and begin their little experiment. They went to the main streets and began to walk as if they were doing something completely normal, with everyone looking at them as they passed by, but they still walking because they only had to worry about two things. The worst thing it could happen to them would be either being discovered by their father, which would led them to some severe punishment for sure; or being discovered by Lordbug and Ladybug, which would be certainly mortifying. However both possibilities weren't that probable to happen, so they continued being carefree and making everyone that saw them very confused.

After about 20 minutes however, the costumes we're way to hot to stay inside anymore, so they rushed into the first store they saw, gave a vague excuse to the poor shopkeeper at the counter, and began to select what would their next disguise be like. Adrienne chose chocolate shoes, dark blue texans levis, a grey shirt and a black aviator jacket and then made his hair into a braid that falled over her right shoulder. On the other hand, Adrien had opted for some black boots, black trousers with holes on them, an acid green shirt and a black leather jacket like those that bikers wear, also changing his hairstyle to a more wild one, that looked like a lion's mane. They went to the counter to pay and told the shopkeeper that they were being followed, asking for him to keep quiet if someone asked for them.

After disposing of the banana and hot dog costume on an alley's container, they went back and picked something they had stored on the inside pockets of the costume, their sunglasses. Adrien wore some Wayfarer Ray Ban's with a black frame and green lents, while Adrienne wore aviator Ray Ban's that had a silver frame and gold lents. Now completely prepared, they went once again to the main streats to have some fun. They went to an arcade, visited a museum, wandered across town and went to a café. So far, noone seemed to recognize them, which was great since not even their classmates had recognized them, meaning that their disguises were great. But they had to visit the Trocadero, unaware of the consequences of that foolish decision.

At the Trocadero, Marin and Marinette were sketching while they made a sort of designing competition among them to see who could make the better cap with the inspiration of what they could see. After some failed attemtps, they began to think that they should change their sketching spot and see if they got better inspiration elsewhere. But all of that was quickly forgotten as they saw two teenagers that suspiciously looked a lot like Chat Noir and Kitty Noire. They decided that maybe they were too tired and were seeing things, but the supposedly civilian cats met eyes with them and the time seemed to stop. Adrien and Adrienne were interally sweating and cursing themselves, but Marinette and Marin were freaking out and asking themselves how could their partners be so stupid to dress as civilians in the exact way they do as heroes.

Marinette waves and gestures for them to come. "Hello" says with a fake smile.

They get closer to her. "Hello Marinette" says Adrien very nervous.

"Would you two mind if we go somewhere else with less people?" asks Marin forcing a smile.

"N-No, of course not" says Adrienne equally nervous as they follow the designers to a nearby park.

"Just checking it to make sure" says Marinette. "You're Kitty and Chat, right?"

Adrienne and Adrien instantly relax for a moment, thinking that they were still safe from having their cover blown. But then they remember that they ARE Chat Noir and Kitty Noire. "W-What makes you think that?" asks Adrienne sweating.

"Well, let's see" says Marin. "Your clothes are basically a civilian version of your catsuits, you know us and you look as if you had been caught".

"Those are just... Coincidences! Yeah, coincidences" says Adrien.

"Chat, stop lying we know it's you two" says Marinette deadpanning.

"Okey, you got us. It is really us" says Adrienne.

"What were you thinking on to dress like that? It's quite obvious that it's you two by what you're wearing" reprimands Marin. "I can only hope that you haven't met Hawk Moth by error"

"Actually, nobody has recognised us yet, you know?" protests Adrien. "You two are the first ones to deduce that it's us".

"Yeah, you're too observative for your own good" says Adrienne. "No wonder you guessed who are LB and L-boy".

"You're kidding, right?" asks Marinette not being able to believe that no one has recognized the two idiots.

"We're not, we've spent the afternoon peacefully, doing normal things for teens our age" says Adrienne.

"If it comforts you, our kwamis always says that people in Paris are blind" offers Adrien, looking at the designers facepalm.

"I can't believe it! How could no one recognize you!" exclaims Marin.

"Well, you didn't recognize our civilian identities either" points Adrienne. "You went and recognized our other identity instead".

"That's because since we acidentally discovered the bug's, we've stopped thinking like that!" says Marinette. "It's not like we want to discover all of the heroes identities and put ourselves at risk!"

"Fair point Princess. It's undeniable that you'd truly be at risk if you were to know our identities on top of Ladybug's and Lordbug's" says Chat.

"Still, I'm amazed that you recognized us" says Kitty. "Since we don't have our usual cat ears nor our tails".

"Seriously? Kitty, your outfit still has this badass vibe to it" points Marin.

"And Chat's still has his usual bad boy vibe as well" adds Marinette. "Even if in reality all you are it's dorks".

"You flattered us so much just to hurt us like that" says Chat, dramatically falling over Marinette.

"Yep, I can only see two dorks" says Marin.

"But you did called me badass~" teases Kitty scratching Marin's chin. "Couldn't it be that you two have a little crushy crush on us and recognized us thanks to that?~"

"Kitty, we're designers" says Marinette deadpanning as Marin blushes a bit. "And you already know who's the boy I like".

"Who is it?" asks Chat curiously. "She doesn't tell me that!"

"It's a girl's thing" say the girls at unison.

"Don't worry pal, I get you" says Marin patting Chat's back.

"Could it be that you also have a crush on someone and you haven't told me either?" asks Chat.

"You barely pass by my rooftop Chat, most of your visits are to Marinette" points Marin. "Come by later and I'll tell you".

"But I do go a lot!" protests Kitty. "And you haven't told me anything".

"It's a boys thing" says Chat and fistbumps Marin.

"Why are all the boys I know so idiotic" says Marinette facepalming.

"Even your crush?" asks Chat.

"Of course not, he's simply dorky from time to time" says Marinette.

"Or that's what you say" says Adrienne. "Because I have heard some stories that provs him as an idiotic boy too".

"Which stories?!" asks Marinette excited and angry at the same time.

"I'll ask a better question. Whose stories?" says Adrien.

"I'll ask you all a better question, are you leaving soon?" says a man on a painting suit as he aprroaches them. "We need to paint that bench you're on".

"Oh my god. Sorry!" says Marinette getting up fast as lightning.

"We'll leave now" says Adrienne.

"Let's go to our house, we can't talk while we play a bit" suggests Marin.

"Now that's a good idea" says Adrien and they all head to the bakery.

#marichatmay2020 #miraculous ladybug #miraculous au #miraculous fanfic #Twins!Au

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bangtanbullies · 6 years

Text

face me (there’s love in my eyes)

not a smidgen of smut. and literally no one asked. but mc has a bit of a panic attack and there is an attempted drugging and subsequent violence. read cautiously and enjoy if you can.

yoongi | reader

mature language

4,339 words

There are forty-two muscles in the human face and Yoongi must be using half at them to smile at you. It's not his usual crinkled nose and toothy grin, no. This one shines through mock seriousness and curls the corners of his lips in barely concealed amusement. Joy plumps his face like botox ‘till he looks positively cherubic.

Tonight, the two of you are having some banter, trading witty remarks like playing cards in this crowded bar, slapping down shot glasses like aces of spades with vigor. Your quips are wrapped in dry humor, which, coming from anyone else might rub him wrong, might feel grating like sandpaper, but with you, he quite likes the burn in the back of his throat, accompanied with the tickle of laughter he fights not to release.

You don't drink often, but when you do it's usually never out in public with a bunch of strangers, let alone in a place quite like this.

One wouldn't think this establishment would be directly below a cute little cafe shop that was usually packed by young school girls or the busy working class that swarmed the streets until sundown. The juxtaposition was very appealing, most likely the intended effect, after all. The contrast between the two was impressive as hell, but anyone who'd seen their co-owners, Jin and Namjoon together, would find it terribly fitting.

Its hip hop styling added to the vibe, complementing 90’s American hip hop and r&b tracks playing from high definition speakers strategically placed around so no one could escape the heavy bass. The pallet here was striking colors, heavy on the black and red while upstair’s aesthetic depended on gentle pastels. Further in was a lounge area with black leather furniture over by the wall adorned with the greatest hip hop records of all times.

This wasn’t quite a club, though on a Friday like tonight it was packed like one.

You and your date had taken the last few available seats at the bar, right up with Jin who was serving drinks without seeming to get a break from the ever needy customers.

You wince at your latest sip of liquor, laughing at yourself for even thinking it’d be a good idea to get the same thing Yoongi had ordered. Figures he’d like the hard stuff. You push it out of sight, with no real thought behind your actions, obviously.

Yoongi’s been testing your knowledge of rap music now, laughing every time you bluffed your way through a song, rapping your knuckles on the bar in faux recognition. “I know this one!”

“Yeah? Whats the name?”

You shake your head and shrug your shoulders. “I don't remember the name, I remember the flow, man. The, like, feel.” You giggle. “Feel me?”

He nods, all mock understanding. “Yep, totally, —” but his gaze is sliding elsewhere, and the warmth in his face seems to drain away all at once.

There are forty-two muscles in the human face, and Yoongi uses all of them when he sees someone slip something into your drink.

It's an instant of change, corruption that spreads through the bloodstream, something that happens in a millisecond—rage.

The exact shift of his facial features is devastatingly beautiful, the type of thing you don't get to really appreciate in the moment. Your mind will selectively remember the cruelty in his eyes as his pupils dilate, as his brows furrow instead—the tightening of his jaw, the soft blush on his cheeks fading with any trace of that youthful amusement from before. His face contorts into something savage, beastly—faster than your eyes can follow. When Yoongi shoots past you to rip the man next to you out off his stool, you almost choke on a gasp.

"Woah, man! What are you doing?"

Your eyes widen—Yoongi's got him by the lapels, ivory fingers crushing camo print jacket in a tight grip. He doesn't seem to be in any rush to verbally answer the startled question thrown at him. Like he'd prefer his fist to do the talking. It's obvious that he's strung with tension, his body seemingly shaking with rage. The proposed violence sends dominos falling down one by one, every patron in the room catching onto the change in energy.

Everyone's frozen. A few murmurs buzz around you but you can't make out anything clear.

You slide out of your chair. "Yoongi," you try. You take a step forward.

A strong hand curls around your upper arm. The startled squeak you make is completely involuntary.

Yoongi's head snaps over to you. "Get your hand off of her, Namjoon.”

"I just don’t want her to get too close, okay?" He lets go nonetheless, but doesn't lessen the proximity between the two of you, like he's prepared to pull you out of danger at any moment.

You frown up at him. He’s doing that awkward thing with his face that should probably be a smile. This imitation doesn't look even remotely similar.

He takes a deep breath, close enough to you that you can hear it rattle in his chest. The movement makes his loose t-shirt rustle and a waft of cologne hits your nose. It aids in masking the adrenaline in your veins only a little bit. "He tried to put something in her drink." And it’s said so emptily, you wonder if you'd misheard. "W-what no! He's crazy! I swear I was just minding my own business—" Which is when Yoongi decks him right in the mouth. The kid slides to the floor in a sloppy heap. Yoongi's only at his level for a moment, down on his haunches. "Don't you fucking lie." He hefts him back up to his original place, back pressed against the bar with enough force to bruise.

The kid (and there’s no way you’d think of him as a man—he looks too fucking young) seems sick with fear, sweaty and nearly green. He doesn't say anything, only swallows thickly. His saliva must go down like cough syrup in his throat, fear leaving its mark nasty on the back of his tongue. His brown eyes, glossy with tears, dart back and forth for help. Or a quick getaway. He looks impossibly smaller in that moment, anxiety molding him into panicked prey, the initial indignation, instinctual defensiveness literally knocked out of him. Something ridiculous is decimating all common sense in your head. It feels like sympathy. "You ain't going anywhere." Jin springs into action. He comes from around the bar quickly. Yoongi pulls him forward, then shoves him again. The kid cries out. His voice cracks and to you that makes him seem even younger. To Yoongi that means he's only half as scared as he should be. "Fucking answer me, you coward. What the fuck were you planning to do, huh? You like drugging girls so they can't defend themselves? Is that it?" That makes your skin crawl.

"I know roofies are meant to be undetectable which is why I can't see or smell any trace of it, but..." Jin’s got your abandoned glass dangling between well groomed fingers. Yoongi is quick to cut in. "Maybe if I shove the entire thing down his throat we'll see the effect—" "Jungkookie,”Jin calls. “Did you see anything?"

"I fucking saw him do it!—" and it's scathing, but Jin doesn't flinch. He's as calm as ever. So is his patient gaze as he says "I believe you, Yoongi." Jungkook clears his throat. And you rip your eyes off of the kid’s face to check him out. Kook’s part of security here, you recall, which you always seem to forget, but with the way he’s standing at the main entrance, in all black with his back to the wall, he really seems to fit the bill today. He must’ve been scanning the room all night, you realize. Probable saw it all. "He was starin' at her the whole time, hyung. I saw him walk in right behind ____, thinking he was her friend or something. But then she didn't seem to pay him any mind so I figured they must've not known each other after all."

You hadn’t noticed anyone even walking behind you. Had he been following you all along, since you got off of work and started taking the ten minute walk over here?

Jin's gaze slides over to the stranger, considering.

"Check his clothes." Yoongi shoves his hand down the boy's pocket invasively, digging around roughly until he finds something. What he pulls out is a very small baggy of pills. There’s a sticker on it. Something green—a dragon is what it looks like. You suck in a deep breath. Namjoon mutters a curse.

Yoongi tosses them over his shoulder and Jin plucks them from the air. He clicks his tongue. “No doubt about it.” The tiny bag rustles as he swipes a thumb over the contents. He smacks the boy’s forehead with it, who flinches away. “Who gave you these?”

“J-just s-s-some guy,” he squeaks. Some portion of that sympathy you had before dies.

You can't call the triumphant curve of Yoongi’s lips a smile per se. Those type of things should reach the eyes, warm one's face into something bright, nudge skin into welcoming valleys and crevices. The juxtaposition of the look on Yoongi's face at this moment and earlier tonight is disturbing. In them, you see anticipation in its darkest shade. Barely contained violence stuffed in an empty gaze meets trembling pupils. You're glad it isn't you meeting that stare. You fight the urge to ruin the tension, to open your trap, to say something to that might possibly help the situation at hand. But the moment to intercede slips from your grasp. “Do you even know where you are right now? They didn’t tell you? Or were you dumb enough not to care?”

They're close enough that Yoongi really doesn't have to lean in any closer but he does anyways. Their proximity looks almost intimate and the illusion is teased even further when you spot his lips start to move close to the stranger's ear, whispering words not meant for anyone in this room but the young man. All you get from it is the cutting edge of consonants on pretty pink lips when he enunciates the ugliest words. It's not hard to guess what's said, the nature of the threat. Especially, when the blood drains from the smaller male’s face.

Especially when hot liquid seeps from his groin, staining his jeans an even darker color at the same time a shaky whine vibrates through his bloodless lips. Noise erupts. A disgusted groan probably made by the poor soul who'd have to clean up the mess later invites a few grossed out exclamations and laughter. A displeased tsk from Seokjin is almost buried under the morbidly amused chatter that blossoms around the room. "Jesus Christ," Namjoon spits. And you don't really think Yoongi realizes the kid has already fainted from terror when his grip completely slackens and the kid falls straight to the floor with a dull thump. You decide right then and there that you do not like the sound of heavy limbs obeying to gravity like that. It could be pure second hand embarrassment that keeps you from looking at him. It might be some cluster of disgust, pity, shame, guilt. All of them climb into your lung cavity like wild things, using the chamber of your rib cage as monkey bars to hang from. The extra weight is suffocating. You plant your gaze at the dart target on the far wall, nerves shot to hell, coincidentally meeting Jungkook's gaze. Even with thick arms folded across his chest imposingly, he somehow still manages to look winsome and cute. He's watching you with a curious glint in his eyes, seeing what you'll do next, obviously gauging your reaction. Namjoon steals your focus with a hand at the small of your back, steadying you. You roll your gaze up to meet his and he returns the contact, mouthing a question. Are you okay?

Which means you probably look as good as you feel.

And since there isn’t an answer to that question you’d like to admit, opting out of a response seems like the most appealing thing to do. Instead you choose to check back on the scene at hand, immediately regretting it when you do. Jin's crouched down, and from what it looks like, has poured the contents of your barely touched drink onto the assailant's face. The latter sputters awake, eyes comically wide while he looks up and past the older man’s head. Something inside of you chips away when a guttural sound, purely animalistic in its fear, vibrates from his chest upon seeing Yoongi's face. Terror laces every word like a foreign accent. "Please don't hurt me, pleasepleaseplease, I didn't know, I didn't know what they were for, I swear it I didn't. I swear to God—" "Quiet," Yoongi says disinterestedly.

"I just checked his ID. The little shit isn't even old enough to be served alcohol," says Jin. He tosses it over his shoulder to Namjoon who pulls it open with practiced ease and holds it down in front of you for you to see.

"Old enough to be held accountable for what he's done,” Namjoon adds.

"Tried to do.”

"The intent was there, hyung. This was just a failed attempt." “I know. That isn't what I'm saying.” Plastic crinkles as the little baggy of pills are crushed in Seokjin grasp. "Cops would be bad for business." Lee Minseok, seventeen years of age, curls into a fetal position. You watch on, morbidly fascinated at this public humiliation.

“Who said anything about police?” Yoongi says. You agree, but somehow you think for entirely different reasons.

Jin stands to his full height and lowers his voice to a near whisper. “We can't deal with things like we used to. This isn't some underground place, it's a legally owned building.” The words sound recycled.

“No one here would say anything if we just—”

“This town is different. These people don't go by our code, we can't assume—

“Close up early, then.”

“Yoongi—”

“Excuse me,” and you don't mean for your voice to crack like a wuss but it does. The three boys turn wide eyed to look at you as if they'd forgotten you were there. Two employees wearing shirts with Monster’s Delights logos on their left breast approach and begin to heft Lee Minseok off the floor. They don't go anywhere though, like they’re waiting for more instructions.

One speaks up. “What do we do with him?”

You clear your throat, and cock a hip, the safety of bravado pulled from your arsenal of defense mechanisms. “Shouldn’t I get a say in that?” and that sounded bitter, maybe even angry but due to the circumstances—pretty damn appropriate.

Jin sighs. “You do. You do. I'm sorry. We should’ve considered your feeling on this, ___.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs again. “This is a mess. Just...what do you want to happen here? You're in control.”

This is one of the few things you don't overthink.

“Let him go,” you say like it's the simplest thing. Namjoon startles next to you, quick to jump in but, “The cops can't really do anything because he didn't actually succeed in drugging me, thanks to Yoongi.” Your gaze is trained somewhere near the ground but even still you can feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of your head. “And like you said, Jin, they'd be bad for the business.” You shift your weight onto your other foot. “In all honesty, I think this is punishment enough.”

“I agree,” says Namjoon. “If the bruises he's sure to be sporting isn't enough to teach him a lesson, then I think pissing his pants in front of a hundred people will work just fine.”

“Agreed,” you exhale.

Jin seems to relax at this. A part of you is pleased to not have caused even more of an inconvenience to him. He's a good guy and a good boss. You don't want to bring bad luck here.

You plaster a smile onto your face. “Well, it's getting late. I'm...gonna leave now.”

“I'm really sorry this happened, ___.” And he does look sorry.

“No, it's my fault. I should’ve kept my eyes on my own drink.”

“No. It isn't your fault. At all. And you're welcome back here at any time, okay? Even if you don't want to just know that you're welcome.” For some reason that makes a lump form in your threat. You walk forward and grab his hand, smooth, warm, and huge. His other squeezes around yours once, just a quick pulse and it's amazing how so much kindness can travel through his touch into yours like current on a wire.

“Hyung, this guy’s heavy.” Jin seems to prickle a bit at the interruption before sighing in defeat.

And he looks it, you think. Skinny and lanky, but very tall. Just dead weight. January 18th, 2001, you recall from his ID. What happened in his seventeen years of life that turned him into the kind of person that could put street-run sleeping pills into someone’s drink.

That spike of distress returns. It isn't even fear, really. It's something much more complex—a certain combination of chemicals in your head with old memories that set you off, alters your perception of events like a change of filter. You don't want to see him differently though and that's the problem.

Even so… The boy's nose was bleeding and Yoongi got him pretty good on the countertop. He could have a broken rib. You glance up at Jin who seems to be debating options in his head. You're about to suggest something pretty far fetched like medical aid when Yoongi speaks.

“Throw him out back. He’ll leave if he comes to.”

You check his face for the first time in too long. Was that “if” wishful thinking or an adequate assumption?

He catches you looking, fierce protectiveness surprisingly leaving room for a gentle fondness in his gaze. Your heart skips a beat to dodge the ones his eyes throw at you.

He holds out a slightly bruised hand. Jin gently releases yours to give you an option to go to him. You don’t.

Yoongi’s hand falls limp to his side, fingers dangling. He shoves a fist into the pocket of his jacket and looks to the floor. He furrows his brows. "Namjoon, would you take ___ home, please?" "Of course—" You roll your eyes. "Thanks, Namjoon. But Yoongi's right here." You smile a little, and Namjoon returns it. He's happy with you, you can tell. Like he approves of how you're handling the situation. "You heard the lady." Without another word you grab Yoongi's hand and walk out of there, stopping only to give Namjoon a partial hug in appreciation. You pat Jungkook’s arm when you go by him.

The walk from the bar up to the main street isn’t bad. Yoongi keeps you talking, asking questions about your classes and your latest hobbies and you indulge him. You need the normal. But when the conversation falls into comfortable silence you can't help but wonder. What could've happened had no one seen, if Yoongi would have left earlier, if things would've gone according to that scumbags plan and something ugly climbs up your chest like vomit and you fight the sob down with a hand to your mouth. Breathing through your nose, too fast to be safe. A group of boys make a ruckus across the street and it occurs to you he could've had friends, he could've taken you somewhere and you'd be drugged and dazed, defenseless— It's claustrophobic, the feeling of being trapped in your body, in your own head and the blackness behind your eyes don't help. You open them, needing to see some scenery but only meeting cracked cement. When'd you get so close to the ground? "Hey, hey, ___? Take some deep breaths, okay? Just keep breathin' in and out, in from your nose, out from your mouth.” Like you were some newbie to the whole respiration thing.

You hate being babied. “Yoongi," and there's a part of you internally cringing at the raspiness of your voice. You'd hold out a hand but everything's shaking and tingling and your body doesn't feel like yours anymore.

“You're fine, you're safe. I got you. I'm right here, you’re okay.” It takes a moment for your eyes to focus but when they do, he's the first thing that becomes clear. His lips are in a cute pout, like a crestfallen kitty, all of this in front of you less than a foot away.

It's comin to you now, the both of you are crouched down in the middle of sidewalk on a Friday night. You throw out your hands and he pulls you to a standing position with no effort. You take your nails through your hair and crane your neck back, pat away a few more teardrop from the corner of your eyes and look at Yoongi. He looks adorably worried, almost antsy at being unable to touch you for so long. But he did a good thing, playing it safe. Had to be careful not to make things worse by touching you when your were like that.

It's you offering a hand since the few feet of distance between you has him at an arm's length. Your fingers tangle together and you draw him to you. He lets it happen like his body was born for that kind of inertia, such movements that lead him to you will remain that way, consistently, unless you say otherwise. Or something along those lines.

He sounds out of breath too when he grumbles, "You okay now? You fuckin’ scared me.”

“I scared you?” you blurt. He looks away.

“I'm sorry about that I just—”.

“No. Don't apologize. You haven't wronged me in any of way.” He searches your face for something.

“I just thought with, like, how pissed I got and everything…” He lets your mind fill in the blank.

“That it'd be a turn off?”

He bites back a smile. “Yeah. A turn off.”

You lick your lips and press them together, a pleased grin trying to slide its way onto your face. “I don't like violence, Yoongi. But I'd say you're anger was pretty justified.”

He says the next words like it’s something he isn’t sure he should admit. “I'm ain't gonna lie. I wanted to do worse.”

You nod, still maintaining eye contact. “I'm glad you didn't.”

He blows out a breath. “Any chance you wanna see me again after tonight? ‘Cause I had fun.” Then he furrows his brows. “Before that last bit, of course.”

“Of course,” you echo. “You know, Yoongi, as long as we stay on the same page I think this—” and here you gesture between the both of you,”—we’ll be okay.”

And he doesn't say anything to that, just smiles to himself. Hair being tousled by the late night breeze, cheeks dusted pink—who’s this sheepish young man, with the endearing smile? Where was he back there, you wonder. This is a shade of Yoongi on the opposite side of the spectrum, so different than the one filled with bloodlust and rage from earlier.

You didn’t lie. Violence is not something you fuck with. Too many ugly things in this world as it is, who needs senseless fighting to top it off.

You aren’t a saint, though. And though authorities would’ve taught the kid a lesson, nothing scares boys straight better than a good ass whooping, unfortunately. Especially those with no respect for the law. Even more so for the ones with no respect for a woman’s body.

The words of Jin and Yoongi come to mind, which conjures more questions as to what side of the law they’re on. What lines were they willing to cross tonight and for whose sake?

You aren’t a saint. Neither are you a fool. The threat to your wellbeing wasn’t the only thing they were concerned with.

You’d definitely ask. ‘Cause leaving these types of things go unasked would only leave unwanted surprises in the future.

He laces his fingers with yours. The two of you fall into step on the way back to your place in silence, and in your peripheral you catch him surveying the surroundings, watching drunken youth walk sloppily through the streets in small clusters. He’s concentrated, or seems like it, so you don't think he’d notice you staring at him. His gaze cuts to yours suddenly. You cut off the ocular eye contact with a slight turn of your head, wrinkling your nose in embarrassment at being caught as you feign interest in a new bougie, overpriced apartments complex on the other side of the road. The amused sound he makes is throaty, barely loud enough for you to hear it, like maybe you weren’t meant to.

“What are your plans for the weekend?” You ask, boldly.

He looks surprised, but pleased that you asked. “I don't have any.”

“Do you wanna keep it that way?” Which would be perfectly understandable. Some folks need those two days of freedom more than people realize.

He makes a soft noise in disagreement.

“We could hang out then, listen to new music, watch a movie or something.”

“M’down. My place is shit but I got nice speakers. There’s this album I’ve been meaning to listen to for weeks now. But my mind wasn’t in the right place to listen to it.”

You can’t help but grin. “Is it now?”

“Yeah,” he says through plumped cheeks, all shy and smiley. “‘Cause of you, I think.”

You laugh, because the happy tension in your chest demands to be released somehow.

Though it’s not like you could’ve silently swallowed down the surge of joy even if you wanted to. Things tend to be like that with Yoongi by your side.

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ask-the-good-creeps · 6 years

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Jane the Killer Meets Elizabeth

The Rainbow Dazzle nightclub was infested with many people of all ages above twenty-one years. Some were dancing, some were drinking; most were with friends and a couple were alone - but all were having some degree of fun in the little hotspot. Pretty much everyone wore some type of colorful clothing piece; it was Pride Month, after all. Even Jane had a rainbow scarf on with her black attire, as she sat at the bar and watched others dance in the bright colored strobe lights that flashed in time with the loud music.

Elizabeth was in the middle of a swarm of drunk people dancing and contorting their bodies to the music, she could feel people running their hands along her body as she danced with multiple people - both men and women; she had left her mask at home for this rare night where she ventured into the city for some "fun". She weaved her way out of the crowd, and headed to the bar to get a drink. She sat next to a ravenette in a black dress with a rainbow scarf in celebration of Pride Month much like Elizabeth's rainbow suspenders that went over her black tank top and high-waisted pants. Elizabeth waved the bartender over. The bartender, a pretty brunette (who had invited Elizabeth to her house after a night of shots around two weeks ago) already knew what the woman wanted and poured her a whiskey. Elizabeth thanked the woman before looking over at the ravenette and let her eyes roam the woman’s body before journeying to her mask. She leaned over to the woman with a smirk on her face.

"I'm Elizabeth. What's your name?" Jane quirked a brow under her mask. She wasn't used to others making the first move toward a conversation - the mask usually kept people distant from her.

"I'm Jane," she said, "How about you?" She sipped her blueberry vodka as she let her eyes take in the woman's appearance. The scar on her face caught Jane's attention, and she found herself staring a bit as she wondered where it came from. Elizabeth let out a small laugh, noticing she had caught the woman off guard. She also noticed her eyes staring at her scar.

"Like I said, my name's Elizabeth. But I don't blame you for being distracted. After all, I am beautiful." Sarcasm laced her voice as she joked with the masked woman. "And to answer your unspoken question, I didn't have the best dad.” Elizabeth sipped her whiskey after she finished talking to the woman. Jane felt her face heating up as she realized her mistake in the conversation.

"You are beautiful. Forgive me for staring, I'm just admiring your bravery." Jane replied as she slid the straw under her mask to sip at her own drink. "So... what brings you to a place like this, Elizabeth?" Normally she had all the witty responses...what was wrong with her tonight? Elizabeth shrugged,

"The sex and drinks if we're being real." She scanned the crowd of people again, longing to be back in the swarm but her longing to talk to the female in front of her prevailed. "If we're not being real, you. Well beautiful girls like you. And some guys. But mostly girls." Elizabeth's signature smirk was back and she crossed her legs and turned her body towards Jane. "So, what brings such a sexy, elegant woman like you to this place? I bet you could get into one of those fancy gay bars so why choose here?" Jane laughed lightly at the other's flirting. It had been a while since someone engaged her like this...especially such an attractive being.

"If only you knew what was under this mask, dear. You'd understand in a heartbeat why I can't go anywhere selective. Besides, I don't have an ID, and they don't card people here." Jane rested her elbow on the bar as she faced her swivel stool toward the other woman. For a second she worried that there would be a repeat of the events at Strictly Chickly, but her gut wasn't complaining, and she wasn't getting a bad vibe from this girl. Perhaps this was someone genuine, and if that was the case, perhaps there was a God after all. Elizabeth laughed at the others comment about not having an ID.

"That's why I come here too! And by the way, I'm sure that no matter what's under that mask I'd love to see it." Elizabeth lifted a brow suggestively at the attractive, mysterious woman in front of her. She stood, abandoning her drink on the counter and offered her hand to the woman in front of her. "Would you like to dance, m'lady?" Jane thought for a moment, but finally just said 'fuck it' and stood up, taking the other's hand. She made her way over to the dance floor with Elizabeth, though she was incredibly nervous about this. Jane's dancing fell under the category of "Dad Dancing" - that is, she was fucking terrible at it. She wasn't worried about embarrassing herself, just losing the attention of the female with her.

Elizabeth smiled seductively at the nervous woman in front of her before moving her body to the rhythm. Elizabeth was in her true element. Grinding, twerking, twisting her body to accommodate the packed space and making sure that Jane saw and felt all of it. She wasn't on a mission, but she sure as hell had a goal for this night. And that goal was to charm the woman in front of her. Elizabeth quickly became a magnet for roaming hands and the pair was pushed to the center of the dancefloor, with sloppy drunk people surrounding them as Elizabeth channeled the energy that she felt into her body and her dance partners body.

Jane did her best to copy Elizabeth's movements, though she did so half-heartedly. She wasn't entirely comfortable with all these hands on her and the general closeness of so many strangers. But her partner seemed to be having fun, so she did her best to repress her feelings and try to enjoy the activity. Elizabeth noticed how uncomfortable Jane seemed and chuckled at the awkward woman. Elizabeth grabbed her hand, guiding her back to the safety of the bar. Elizabeth's cheeks were tinted pink from the activity and adrenaline flowing through her.

"I figured you could use a break from the swarm. You seem to be more of a 'sit at the bar and drink in silence' kinda girl. But I'm glad you put up with it for me." The fact that Jane went along with her with her made Jane twice as attractive in Elizabeth's mind - she really liked Jane. She thought about this as she stared at the ravenette, and debated what to say to her. She wasn't accustomed to not-casual hookups.

"Thanks," Jane breathed a sigh of relief. Her drink was still there, surprisingly, and she lifted it to her mask and slid the straw underneath it. Afterwards she focused her full attention back on Elizabeth. "Do you want to go somewhere else and talk, maybe? I can barely hear you over the music anyway." she said.

"Sure, I know a quiet little coffee shop down the street if you want to go there." Elizabeth responded, brushing her curly hair out of her eyes. "Or... we could go back to my place. It's up to you." Jane remembered once more the events of last month, and decided to play it extra safe in a public place. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say.

"Coffee sounds good," she replied as she stood from her seat. Elizabeth smiled, before getting up from her seat as well.

"Coffee it is!" She gestured with her head towards the exit and both women walked towards it. Elizabeth couldn't stop her curiosity from bursting out any longer as they stepped out of the bar. "The whole night you've been on edge. Almost like you thought I was going to bite you. Why's that if you don't mind me asking?" Jane sighed. How did she explain this without mentioning that she was a homicidal vigilante?

"I was bitten once before. Pretty girl, nice conversation, all seemed to be going well...then she had her friends jump me in the park. It wasn't much fun." Jane explained it the best she could without giving too much away. Elizabeth nodded, relating to the woman on a spiritual level.

"Once this girl that I was dating turned on me and her and six guys cornered me in our apartment. One of them freakin tazed me!" Elizabeth threw her hands up in the air as they walked down the street before she put them back down, chuckling. "I mean I guess that showed me that anybody is willing to sell you out for enough money. It was a learning experience." She looked at the black-haired woman and smiled, thinking about how she felt that she could trust her.

Her gut wasn't pinging, telling her that this was another SCP agent, so she decided to roll with it. After all, if she was SCP she wouldn't attack the vigilante in public where people can see which set Elizabeth at ease. Elizabeth reached for Jane's hand, lacing her fingers with Jane's and a blush worked its way onto her cheeks. She felt like a schoolgirl again, forgetting for a second that she was a murderous pyromaniac that had an affinity for killing off the wicked.

Jane startled slightly at the sudden contact, but eventually gripped back. She felt like this was moving a bit quickly, but she could handle that. What troubled her was the irrational worry in her mind. This girl couldn't be SCP, right? They were going to a public place, so even if she was she couldn't do anything. She saw a coffee shop up ahead, and assumed this was the one Elizabeth had mentioned. She looked to the woman for confirmation. Elizabeth nodded at her unspoken question and as they entered the coffee shop, Elizabeth unlaced her fingers from Jane's. The barista looked up and smiled at the two.

"Hello, beautiful. Oh and hey- Elizabeth." The curly haired woman fake glared at the redhead in front of her.

"Hello Clarrisa. Nice to see you, too." Elizabeth turned to her guest. "Do you want anything? Clarissa's the best barista in the state!"

"I'll just take water with a slice of lemon for now." Jane shrugged. They sat down at a table while they waited on their drinks. Elizabeth stared at the woman in front of her, wondering if this would go anywhere but as she was admiring she decided that it didn't really matter. She decided that she was going to have some fun while she was alive.

#ask the good creeps #ask creepypasta #creepypasta #jane the killer #jane richardson #Elizabeth #short story

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years

Text

Fic: Win the Race (ao3 link) Fandom: Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, references to Arrow Pairing: Barry Allen/Iris West; Leonard Snart/Mick Rory

Summary: You make some adjustments when aliens attack and a whole bunch of people get abducted.

Adjustments like adopting some kids - very quick kids -

(in which Len and Mick accidentally adopt Barry and Iris' kids)

A/N: Set past the end of Flash season 3. Very few Legends.

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Losing Barry had hurt worse than anything.

Iris didn't want to eat - their favorite places - or see anyone - everyone reminded her of him - or, well, do anything.

They'd sent out their save the date cards, so at least she didn't have to look at the box of all her hopes and dreams and optimism. Not that that made her feel better. At least Dad took care of calling all of them and explaining that the wedding is off.

It's about a month and a half before people start getting impatient with her moping. Luckily, Iris gets sick right around the same time - vomiting! That means she's really sick, not just more moping! - so that's a good excuse to keep inside and away from everyone.

Play with McSnurtle. At least he doesn't pressure her to move on because "this isn't what Barry would've wanted".

Well, Barry's trapped in the stupid-ass speed force by his own stupid guilt - seriously, Iris has a list of alternative ways they could've satisfied the Speed Force's need for a speedster without having to give up Barry, because she totally hasn't been obsessing over this or anything - so Barry's sort of lost his right to have a say.

There's a knock at her door.

"Go away, Dad!" Iris shouts.

"It's, uh, it's not your dad," a muffled female voice says.

Iris frowns. She doesn't have that many female friends - never did, sad to say - so she's not immediately sure who it is.

She goes over to the door, wonders for a minute if whoever it is outside is going to judge her because she's wearing Barry's old college t-shirt and a pair of his STAR Labs sweats, figures the answer is yes, accepts it, and pulls open the door anyway.

She blinks.

"Caitlin?" she asks. "Or, uh, is it Killer Frost right now?"

"Caitlin is fine," the now white-haired woman says wryly. "I see you're handling what happened better than I handled Ronnie dying. Both times."

Iris hesitates. It's true, Caitlin does know what she's going through. That being said - "I'm not really in the mood for sympathy."

"I'm not here to offer it," Caitlin says. "I'm here to take you to your doctor's appointment."

"My...?"

"By your own report, you've been vomiting on a daily basis for two weeks straight. As a doctor: you are now way past time to see a doctor. Now, we either go to your GP for a walk in, or I kidnap you and take you to my lair to test you anyway. Since I am still a doctor myself."

Iris cracks a smile. "Is your lair STAR Labs?"

"Everything there is still set up for me," Caitlin says, not denying it.

"I'll call my doctor," Iris says. She doesn't want to go to STAR Labs. "She takes walk-ins."

She had time for Iris, miracles of miracles.

Iris wishes she'd taken the time to shower but, honestly, putting on real clothing was about as much effort as she was willing to put into this. Caitlin hadn't commented.

She had refused to leave, which - seriously? Iris isn't going to go out of a window to avoid having to have regular human interactions. Probably.

...not now, anyway.

"So, doc, what's the news?" Iris jokes. "Am I dying?"

She almost means it.

"Nothing like that, Iris," her doctor says warmly. "Just a bad bout of morning sickness."

Iris freezes. "Of...what?"

Dr. Hansen looks sympathetically at her. "Oh, I’m sorry! I didn't realize you didn’t know. Congratulations, Ms. West; you're pregnant."

Pregnant? But -

Barry.

"Oh god," Iris says, and goes to throw up.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"This sucks," Mick says.

"You're the one who wanted to live in a post-apocalyptic wasteland," Len points out snippily.

Mick thinks about objecting - Len needs to let 2046 go already! Mick's gotten over the Oculus! ...mostly! - but then Len blasts a few more aliens and Mick decides to let it go. Len's tired, he's tired. Len's always like order more than he did, and there's not much of that to be found now.

It's the end of the world.

No, really. The Dominators fleeing with their tails between their legs had apparently drawn the attention of the whatever-the-fuck these things were called, and this time, they'd been smart about it.

They went for the heroes first.

Of course, Barry was gone, so Central City was defended by a combination of Cisco - Mick refuses to call him Vibe, especially since Lisa had made that terrible joke about it - and Kid Flash, but they weren't Barry.

They'd never be Barry, and they knew it.

When the aliens came, they were careful to attack a whole bunch of places all at once, all places the heroes cared about, so that there wouldn't be enough time for a team-up. Without Barry to hold it together, any team-up probably wouldn't have worked, anyway.

They got to most of Team Arrow first, luring them onto a spaceship and then portalling it to the other end of the goddamn galaxy. As far as Mick had heard, those guys weren't dead, but they weren't getting home anytime soon, either. At least they'd been with their families when they'd detoured onto that ship - they'd been right in the middle of getting them out of the refugee camps the government had unwisely started forming.

Queen and Felicity were all that were left behind, and they're still standing, last Mick heard. They have a check-in every fortnight with them just to be sure.

Central City, with its metahumans, wasn't anywhere as lucky. The aliens timed their attack well - they'd invaded relentlessly, again and again and again, goading them, then waited until Team Flash got desperate. Team Flash had developed a habit of visit Earth-2 (apparently Kid Flash was dating the Flash of that Earth, which seemed weird, but also the Harrison Wells of that Earth served as their mentor so honestly Mick wasn't gonna ask), and they'd fallen back on the same habit when they decided to go seek help and a safe place to let some of their heroes rest.

That'd been what the aliens had been waiting for, the assholes. They detonate an EMP over STAR Labs just as the going group was jumping, disabling Cisco's universe-hopping device, and then they'd snapped Cisco up into one of those goddamn pods before he could make his way through.

Long-term stasis units, they were called. Fucking bullshit, that's what Mick thinks of them. They zap you unconscious and drag you to one of the pod farms, and then you're just lying there all Matrix-like, not aging, not moving, just asleep. Frozen in time.

But with no universe-hopper and no Cisco, there was no way for Team Flash to make it home. Joe West, Wally West, some other woman, even Caitlin Snow - all gone.

Only Iris West and Julian Albert had been left behind, and neither of them had powers. They'd teamed up with another CSI - some girl named Patty who used to be a cop - but there was only so much that they could do, these last few months.

The aliens were hunting them, too. Any association with Team Flash was as good as a target. They'd gotten Patty a week or so back, and Mick was pretty sure the other two weren't much longer for the world.

Which left Central City under the dubious protection of -

Well.

Him and Len.

Len was Central City's son, born and bred, and he was her foremost supervillain now that Grodd had been banished. The aliens hadn't counted for him in their plans.

Mostly because he'd been spending some time dead at the time they'd made their plans, but hey, what can you do?

(Len likes to tell people it was for tax reasons. Mick likes to hit Len whenever he says that.)

It'd ended up being to Mick's benefit, at any rate; when the aliens ambushed the Waverider, breaking the time drive and stranding them all god-knows-when, Mick was already back on land, nursing a still time-confused Len back to health. Len had gotten over his little brush with death - he'd only come back because they'd screwed up the timeline to such a horrific extent with that spear thing, but he was back and that's what's important to Mick - and now he was back with a vengeance.

A vengeance currently fixated on the aliens that had ruined large portions of his city.

Mick always said he'd give everything to Len, in the end, and he did: he dug up his old ship, with the Kronos armor, and though the time drive there was shot too - decay rather than sabotage, but either way still useless - it was still useful in launching a hell of an effective surprise attack on the bastards from space.

Mick also picked up some tips on armor from Haircut during their time on the Waverider, putting together weapons and cloaks and all sorts of shit you can use growing and shrinking and blaster tech for.

Len took a different approach. He gathered every metahuman still in Central - villain and civilian and confused - and he whipped them into a defense force under his control.

Well.

His and Lisa's.

The Rogues had been designed to be villains, but in the absence of real heroes, they ended up being hero substitutes instead.

Hell, the Rogues had been so goddamn successful that Lisa had ended up branching out, splitting off her own hand-selected group of Rogues and going to Gotham to recruit the villains there into their own version of a defense force. Len hadn't wanted to see her go, of course, but she'd insisted...

"Hey, Mick, you hear that?"

Mick pauses in where he's melting an alien which is probably (definitely) already dead by now, clicking his gun to silence.

Nothing at first, then, very distantly –

Crying.

"Someone's in trouble," Mick says.

"Let's go," Len says. "Unless you're getting low on charge..."

"Nah, I'm good. Ever since we got the dwarf star, the recharge times have been excellent, even if it does make the gun heavy as fuck."

"Good. Let's go."

The aliens are centering around a cute little daycare. There's a car which shows the typical signs of alien attack, so whoever had gone out to get groceries - Mick can see them spilled out on the ground - was almost certainly already pod-bound even as they approached.

The crying was coming from the daycare.

Shit, kids. Len hates it when aliens go after kids.

"Can we get them?" Len asks, trying to come off as dispassionate, coldly analytical as his nickname suggests, but Mick knows Len. His whole brain is bent on trying to figure out how they could save the kids - not at the expense of their lives, which Len knew were too valuable to Central to lose, but certainly with less of a margin for risk than usual.

Mick studies the situation. "Think so," he says, because he does. "Your call, boss."

"Let's move in. I'll go point, take center; you come in later."

Mick nods. They'd figured out the best way to hit these assholes long ago: the reason their plans were so good in advance is because they had their sharpest minds back on their homeworld planning it. The drones they sent to Earth, on the other hand, were shit at dealing with the unexpected.

Which is to say, dealing with Len at all, really.

Even against regular non-armed humans, they'd found the best way was for one human to establish a pattern of attack (like, throwing things) and when the aliens had adjusted to that attack, a second person attacks from a different direction using a different method (stabbing, shooting, whatever). The aliens are momentarily paralyzed trying to recalibrate their expectations, leaving a window of time when the humans can successfully attack or run away.

Mick and Len have been teaching a lot of self-defense classes at the underground refugee camp.

It's not actually underground, to be fair; it was just connected by radio and maintained-with-great-difficulty-and-sacrifice Internet into a living network instead of gathering up in person. The aliens used actual refugee camps as targets - too many humans in one place was practically asking for an attack. So they did the rounds, instead, meeting in short bursts and living off correspondence. But it's still living, which is better than not-living.

Len moves in with his cold gun.

The aliens he hits first die. The rest balk their wings (terrible buzzing creatures, like flies who couldn't achieve lift) and adopt a defensive formation, weakest drones out in front to act as a living shield against Len's ice while the stronger ones harden their shells against the cold.

Of course, a hard shell means that temperatures that go too high will cook them from the inside out.

Mick hoists his own gun and waits for the signal.

Len gives it, and in he goes.

There are more aliens than he'd anticipated, more than usual for these sort of pod runs, but about halfway through the fight Len and Mick swap guns and that confuses the aliens yet again. No one expects Captain Cold to be wielding flame.

Mick ends up having to bring out his Kronos pulse rifle to finish them off, which is a surprise; it's been a while since there have been so many gathered in one spot.

"Big family or important target?" Mick asks Len, who snorts.

"No more important targets left," he replies. "Let's go."

Inside, there are kids.

But not a huge amount, no; there are only two. Not even toddlers, not really - they're something like a year and a half, max. Maybe two, if Mick's being generous. And they're all alone.

"Shit," Mick says, already wracking his brain to see if he can find anyone who wants babies. The foster families are filled to the brim; the underground network is stretched thin...

Len kneels next to the kids. One boy, one girl. "Hey," he says gently, like he's talking to Lisa way back when she was young. "No more aliens, kids. Just me and Mick."

Mick's not expecting it to work - the kids are too young to really understand what Len's saying, and the calm tone he's using will eventually take some time to sooth them - but somehow it does. They calm down and reach out their chubby little arms to Len.

People who think Len's cold-hearted have never seen how quick he melts.

"Hey," Len says gently. "Where's your mom?"

They sniffle. "Momma back?" one asks hopefully. At least, that's what Mick thinks she's asking, it's a little slurred with tears.

Mick thinks of the car outside. "Doubt it."

Len glares at him. "What about your dad?"

"Daddy's gone." That sounded rehearsed, or at least an echo of something said regularly enough by a loving adult for the kids to repeat as well.

"Mick?" Len asks, but he's already put away the cold gun and is gathering them into his arms.

"I'm thinking!" Mick says. "There's a couple of options..." He shakes his head. "No one immediate. We'll have to cover for a few days while I get in contact with people."

Len nods. "My name's Len," he tells them. "You can call me Lenny, if you like. What’s your names?"

Oh, crap, they're at Lenny status already? Damnit Len, you can't get attached to all of them...

"Dawn," the girl says proudly.

"Don," the boy says, equally proud. "I'm a Don."

"Nice to meet you both," Len says gently, and Mick already knows what's going to happen.

Sure enough, by the time - about three days - that Mick finds someone to take the kids in, Len's in love.

Worse, Mick's got a case of the same.

"We can't keep 'em," he tells Len.

"We definitely can't," Len agrees. "C'mon, Duckie, open up for the airplane..."

Don - now proudly nicknamed Duckie, under the assumption that Don is short for Donald - pouts and turns his face away.

Len sighs dramatically. "Oh, well," he says. "Guess I'll have to eat this myself."

"No!" Duckie yells. "Mine!"

"Fine. Then you eat it."

There's a tug at Mick's pants. He looks down.

Dawn - already fed - looks up at him hopefully. "Dawnie up?" she asks.

"Sure, sunshine," he says, and scoops her up. Dawn likes to be tall. "You wanna sit on my shoulders?"

"Yeah!"

Onto the shoulders she goes.

Dawn imperiously waves at Duckie, making him demand that Len lift him as well.

"We can't," Mick says again, but it's weaker.

"You sure?" Len asks.

Mick sighs.

------------------------------------------

It's not that Len and Mick don't try to find the kids' original family. They do! If there was family, even if they're all dead, they'd want to know so they could honor their traditions or some such like that. Len is a stickler for that, talking grimly about the non-consensual adoption of Jewish kids after the Holocaust by converting Christians and how he ain't ever gonna be a party to that sort of shit.

Mick's got fewer personal connections to the issue, but he agrees.

Unfortunately, the daycare has nothing to tell them who lived there or who was using it. Their files were burnt, their walls were scrubbed, everything. The car is equally useless, since the obvious evidence of shoddy hotwiring makes it clear that it was stolen.

Asking Dawnie or Duckie is equally useless. It's not their fault, they're not even three; they happily tell them about Momma (mostly that they want her back and how she made things better), and Daddy (gone), and Paw-Paw (gone away as opposed to just gone), and Auntie C and Uncle C.

Auntie C had cold hands and Uncle C always has the best toys, but they also went “away”.

Not that unusual a story, honestly, but not very helpful.

Honestly, at this point, all they can guess at this point is that, given their light brown skin tone, at least one of their parents was black, possibly both. Dawnie is darker than Duckie, but her hair is straight and fine while his shows distinct signs of kinks and curls as it grows out.

Honestly, they're not even all too sure about that much. Neither of them were ever all that good at identifying ethnicities.

Whatever. The kids are the kids, and that's good enough.

They do eventually find out their middle names, via Duckie’s excellent memory of the fact that their Mommy used to be a first-and-middle name person when she was angry.

Well, okay, he doesn't actually explain that. He just waggles his finger at a misbehaving Dawnie and says in excellent adult mimicry "Dawn Eleonora, stop!"

Duckie's middle name (Henry) takes a bit longer to figure out, but they extract it with patience.

"I can't believe you finally cracked and got kids," Lisa gushes over the phone. "Tell 'em Auntie Lisa is coming to visit!"

"We're not their parents, we're just -" Len starts, but she's already hung up.

Hurricane Lisa shows up a few weeks later - transit from Gotham to Central isn't that easy any more - and that's the moment Mick really considers to be the start of their family.

Lisa's always been the best communicator in the Snart family. The kids love her.

She asks them what names they want to call Len and Mick, since they're going to be their new parents now. Len assures them that Uncle is fine for both of them, but the kids never really had a Daddy before (because their Daddy's gone) and they are delighted by the idea of having more.

"I refuse to be Dad or Daddy," Len says stiffly. "I won't take that away from their original Dad."

Lisa and Mick share a knowing glance, fully aware that it isn't the real reason and the real reason is the man Len called dad right up until the day he died even though he'd long since lost the right to it.

"I called my dad 'Pa' most of the time I knew him," Mick offers helplessly.

"What about what's the word," Lisa says. "From your mom's dad. Sabba."

"No, that means grandfather," Len corrects. "Dad is Abba."

"Then be Abba."

"I think I'd rather be Lenny," Len says, nose wrinkled.

It doesn't help him, of course. Duckie and Dawnie pick up on Abba for him like lightning - they still call him Lenny half the time, but he's their Abba, just as Mick is their Pa as often as he is Mick or Mickey.

They boast to the other kids at their new, underground daycare that they have a Momma, a Daddy, an Abba and a Pa, but of course Momma and Daddy weren’t around. The other kids – most of them with adopted parents of their own by – solemnly agree that this is by far superior to the system demonstrated on the films they watch. Those poor kids on the TV with only a Mom and a Dad and no one else; how sad.

Kids.

Mick hadn't expected he'd love the two of them as much as he does. Oh, sure, he'd expected to feed them - he does - and to worry about them - oh, he does - but he hadn't really thought about the way his shoulders would relax every time he hears their voices. The way his chest would glow and swell every time they run to him first. How every goddamn thing they did was the best way to do that thing, because they were wonderful and brilliant children.

His wonderful and brilliant children.

He hadn't expected how Len would melt for them, and stay melted. How Len was terrified of screwing them up and how he never, ever lost his temper with them. How effective and devastating a disappointed look could be, because Len refused to spank them.

(Mick eventually finds out that the kids had picked up on his and Len's tendency to worry about each other and that Len had exploited this ruthlessly, asking them to think about whether their actions would make their Mickey sad before they did them. He curses Len's name and quickly makes up for lost time by suggesting that they pay close attention to Len to see if he also needs love and affection. Len gets covered in snuggles on the regular. He doesn't complain.)

The kids also grow ridiculously fast.

Okay, totally within normal levels for kids their age - the doc swears it's true - but they're people. They're little people.

Mick can't remember when his siblings became people all those years ago. Nate was still a baby, he remembers that much, but the rest of it...

He's very careful to use the fire pit and lighters and other Len-regulated fire sources, and his kids know everything there is to know about fire safety.

Len teaches them how to spot danger and how to avoid it. He also teaches them how to pick locks.

They're the best four-year-old robbers ever, even if Len really had meant for it to be another safety measure. The idea of them being captured by aliens because they couldn't get through a locked door - unacceptable.

"Also, it's good finger coordination development," Len says, lying like a rug. It is, of course, but that’s blatantly not the reason he’s passing on his skills.

There’s still plenty they don’t know about the kids’ lives before Len and Mick found them: for example, Dawnie and Duckie are clearly twins, but they don’t know when their birthday is. As a result, they argue about it at length - sometime early in the year, they think, because of the vague memories of snow. They end up having January 23 for Dawnie and February 7 for Duckie, just because it's easier to give in than to explain that twins are born on the same day.

At any rate, it gives them more time to pick presents now that the kid are old enough to appreciate it.

Mick and Len are just debating the question of gifts - it's May and Mick had unwisely brought up the issue of half-birthdays - when the old Particle Accelerator, an abandoned and mostly destroyed STAR Labs, suddenly goes up in a painfully familiar mushroom cloud of orange light. It doesn't spread the way the first one did, but it does go up like a goddamn firecracker.

"Oh, shit," Len says.

Mick just runs to get a car.

They're the only ones going towards the labs rather than away; Mick sees people ducking into shelters in well-practiced motions.

The Rogues' war against the aliens was doing that much, at least: the aliens avoided Central more than they attacked it, nowadays. They were focused on subduing other parts of the world.

The same protection applied in Gotham, under Lisa and her girlfriend Selina.

The same in Bludhaven, where Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn - previously part of Lisa's Rogues - had set up their own Rogues.

The same in Starling, which had reverted to its old name out of habit, and where Oliver and Felicity had taken their sweet time about accepting the Rogues' offer to help but now considered themselves the leaders of the Starling Rogues instead of Team Arrow, a name they still used to refer to their long-lost teammates.

Mardon hadn't wanted to leave Central at first, but he couldn't resist Len's carefully structured offer to be the leader of the Rogues in the Windy City. Shawna, who'd been from Chicago initially, went with him to keep his ego in check.

Scudder had managed to get over himself enough to agree to work for Len again, his fear of the aliens managing to break through even his narcissism. After half a year learning how to fight aliens at Len's side, he'd been dispatched to L.A. to teach the self-absorbed assholes there how to really fight an alien movie. He liked Hollywood.

Rosa preferred San Francisco. Len was just happy that there was distance between the two of them - as much as they were still technically together, Rosa's obsession with Sam faded when he wasn't in her sight and she remembered things. Things like having been a first-rate computer engineer, once upon a time, and something of a genius. She did well in San Francisco and the nearby Palo Alto, between its tech industry and its loopier residents.

People were starting to figure out that where there were Rogues, there could be a city again.

Mick wonders, again, if he should inform Len that he'd become a general, but as always decides against it. Len thinks of the Rogues as his crew, albeit a crew that has scattered across the nation and each of whom is leading their own hand-crafted militia unit in the protection of their territory.

No need to trouble Len with politics. It's not like they had anyone strong enough to actually do more than hold back the aliens for a while.

At least, they didn't until they got to the center of the Accelerator, where they found a very confused-looking Barry Allen rubbing his eyes and shouting, "Guys? I'm back! Guys? Is anyone here?"

"Holy crap," Mick says.

Len is somewhat more fluent than that. He always did have a facility for Yiddish curses (Mick particularly likes the one that goes 'may you be as a lamp - so that you can be hung during the day and lit on fire every night!', all in about three or four harsh-voweled words.).

"What now, boss?" Mick asks.

"Now," Len says, smiling like he can't stop, "now we have hope."

"Snart?" Barry asks when he sees them approach. "Rory? What are you doing here? What happened to this place?" He gestures at the ruined room.

"You've been gone five years," Len says. "It's been an interesting time. Let me tell you all about it..."

-----------------------------------------------

"I can't believe it," Barry says, looking shell-shocked, his fingers clenched around a mug of hot chocolate. Len had broken out the good stuff for their guest, which is to say, the Swiss Miss with mini marshmallows. "Five years - and so much has changed -"

"The emotion you're looking for is 'I go away for five years and you assholes trash the place'," Len informs him.

Dawnie giggles. "You said a bad word."

"There are no bad words," Len tells her. "Only bad men."

"Not what Mrs. Levy says..."

"See, that's one thing," Barry says. "You guys have kids! Small adorable kids!"

"We're not small," Duckie says. "We're four."

"Paragons of age and maturity," Mick agrees solemnly.

Barry chuckles, but it still sounds strained and tense.

"Can you still time travel?" Mick asks, curious, thinking of the lost Waverider, still stuck who-knows-when.

"No. Well, a little. Not enough to help."

"What do you mean?"

"Speed force said I was abusing it and took it away," Barry explains. "Even though I tried not to mess up the timeline -"

"Let me get the sequence of this right," Len drawls. "You get told by everyone not to change time. You do it. Everything gets fucked up. You do it again. More fucked up. Speed force shows up personally, says don't do it. You do it anyway. Speedforce comes and gives you an ass-kicking, saying don't do it. And you do it again, but this time you're trying not to mess up the timeline. And you're surprised it yanked your cord?"

Barry makes a face. "Yeah. I've gotten the lecture."

"I'm not comfortable with how we're anthropomorphizing forces of nature," Mick grumbles.

"You think this is a problem, try being in the middle of a three-way argument between Death, Dream and Destiny about whether or not the way your life ended was narratively satisfying," Len grumbles back.

Barry looks a question at Mick, who shakes his head. He doesn't have any answers. He doesn't even want to have questions.

"So my friends..?" Barry asks instead.

"Like we said," Len says, easily distracted away from disturbing subjects. "Most of 'em are fine, just stuck on Earth-2. The only way to get 'em back is Cisco -"

"Who's stuck in the matrix?"

"Matrix-like stasis pod," Len says. "Good news is, you pop 'em open, people inside should be fine. Probably not even notice that time passed."

"And the bad news?"

"There's a shitload of pods, and we've got no idea which one your boy's in," Len says frankly. "Or your girl, neither."

"Why didn't Iris go to Earth-2 with the others?"

"No clue," Len tells him honestly. "Not like they really told us much. Cisco was hit first, yeah. West held up pretty well for a long time, but we were allies, not buddies. She was secretive. Ran a radio program. But a few years back, it cut off."

"She might be dead," Mick warns.

"She's not," Barry says firmly. Not the slightest trace of doubt.

"Speed force tell you that?" Mick asks skeptically.

Barry grins crookedly. "Actually, yes," he says. "It said I could save her if I took it slow."

"What does that even mean?" Mick demands.

"It means we're gonna save the world again," Len says, pretending to be put out about it. "One pod-break at a time."

"Do you know how to get into them?" Barry asks.

"Sure, but the risk's too high," Len says. "Unless, of course, I have a speedster on my side."

Barry swallows and sits up straighter, like he's making a decisions. "In that case, consider me one of your Rogues."

Judging by the delighted look on Len's face, his apocalypse has been made.

------------------------------------------------------------

There's a giggle and a thump and then more giggling.

Len has become a veteran child-raiser in the last two years, if he does say so himself, which is why he puts down the blueprints and heads over to the living room where the giggling is coming from.

Barry is sprawled out on his back on the Twister board, grinning helplessly as the twins crow at him.

"I see you're hard at work," Len says dryly.

Barry beams at him. "They said you and Mick refused to play it with them," he says earnestly. "What was I supposed to do, not teach them?"

"Like you couldn't not teach them the Macarena and the Chicken Dance?"

"Hey, you made me an honorary uncle when I moved in," Barry points out with some justice. Len hadn't been sure how else to explain 'magnet for trouble so I need to keep an eye on him' to the kids after years of refusing to cohabitate with any other family. "Part of that involves teaching them stuff that will drive you nuts."

"Not while you live here, I think. The true terror is Lisa."

Barry nods so fast that he's blurring, undoubtedly remembering when Lisa had managed to dig up some Tickle Me Elmo dolls for the kids' fourth birthday. Len had nearly strangled her - it was a rare item nowadays, so she'd clearly put time and effort into finding them, but it was also designed to drive Len, Mick and now Barry absolutely insane.

"You are menaces, you know," Len informs the twins.

"Like Dennis!" Dawn says excitedly. "Dennis the menace."

"Pa and Abba are pretty good menaces, too," Duckie says loyally.

"I'm not a good menace?" Barry pretends to pout.

"No! You're a hero!" Duckie proclaims. He’s maintained that ever since he found a Flash action figure.

Dawnie gives Barry a hug. "That's almost as good," she assures him with her nearly-a-five-year-old-really solemnity.

Barry laughs and hugs back. "Now," he says, making a big show of checking his watch. "I think you promised me that if I showed you how to play Twister..."

The twins giggle and run away from whatever chore they promised. Barry doesn't give chase, just watches them fondly.

"You're good at this," Len tells him.

"I'm a little jealous," Barry admits. "I've always wanted kids."

"You and Iris...?"

"Oh, no," Barry says. "We were only just getting married. Do you know what Joe would do to me if she'd gotten pregnant? Shotgun wedding doesn't even begin to describe it."

Len frowns. "But if you were getting married already..?"

"Doesn't mean Joe wants to think about us having sex," Barry says dryly. "At least if we were married, he could imagine that we conceived by magic or something."

Len shakes his head. He doesn't understand, but then again, he hadn't ever really expected to have kids.

"You're good with them," he says again.

"They're good kids," Barry agrees. "I hope that if Iris and I ever do have kids, they'd turn out like that." He thinks about it for a second. "Maybe slightly less larcenous."

"That's all good parenting," Len says proudly. "Now c'mon, I want you to see the plans."

Barry nods and is standing by Len's side before the words fade away. "What's the next step, now that we've cleaned out Central City?"

"Figuring out a way to consolidate our gains - installing those shield-makers Felicity reverse-programmed from alien ship tech, for one thing. I want Central City to live like a community again, not just refugees."

Barry nods.

"Also," Len says, "I think it's time to go north."

"North?"

"The largest single pod housing facility in the Midwest is located in the Dakotas," Len says. "We break that, we're talking tens of thousands of people. Possibly hundreds."

"Crap," Barry says, blinking. Most of the pod facilities were measured in the dozens or hundreds. "That means transportation. Serious and immediate transportation. That many people all together will definitely catch the attention of the local patrol ship."

Len stays silent.

"Unless that's the goal," Barry says.

"Mick's in Starling getting a crash course in alien tech," Len tells him. "Between Felicity's deductions and his own knowledge of piloting from his time with the Time Masters, I think we can do it."

"Are you planning on stealing an alien ship?" Barry demands, half-horrified and half-impressed. Mostly impressed.

Len smirks. "I told you, Scarlet. I intend for Central City to be free. The shields will help. Having our own gun-ship? That'll help more."

Barry nods. "And the people -"

"If we can defend them in the ships, we can do a slower transport. Cars, trucks, buses, the works."

"It's going to be massive."

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong," Barry says. "We're opening pods, which means we could be finding Cisco and Iris. I'm totally in. I'm just saying, it's going to be massive. Who's gonna watch the kids?"

"Mrs. Levy's agreed. Her husband was podded, too."

Barry nods. "Slow and steady," he says. It's been his mantra when it comes to dealing with the frustration that there isn't a single bad guy he can punch to make things better. "Let's save the world."

"Let's steal an alien ship," Len corrects him. "Stop making me sound heroic."

"Oh, no," Barry says, voice dry as dust. "Heroic? You? Never."

"Shut up."

---------------------------------------------------

"I don't want to sit this one out," Barry says stubbornly, but he's already given in, Mick can tell. More to the point, Mick can tell that Len can tell.

It's in the way Barry’s already started to make mac-and-cheese for the kids.

(They'd all been delighted to discover that certain farm-to-pre-made-food had been so automated that re-starting them was a cinch even after the apocalypse, but none more than the kids.)

"Uncle Barry!" Duckie shouts from the next room over. "We wanna piggy-back ride!"

"When the food is cooking," Barry automatically calls back, then scowls as he reveals his intention to be there in a few minutes. "Len, if you're sure -"

"You know we can do it without you," Len says reasonably. "And you know they're expecting you."

Barry sighs and nods. The aliens had immediately pegged Barry as the leader of the resistance once he had made its reappearance, presumably based on their snooping through old files, and they'd taken measures against him that Len was avidly noting down for future speedster problems (Barry seemed to attract future speedsters like flies, before - undoubtedly he would again; besides, what if he got around to having kids?)

The calculators behind the alien army, back on their homeworld, had made assumptions about Barry and Barry's inability to sit a mission he led out.

The calculators still had no conception of how to deal with Len. It helps to have all of your records eliminated, hard and soft copy both, so that the aliens look at you and see some asshole who got rung up on a single manslaughter count (murder in the heat of passion had been the final charge, and wasn't that hilarious?) who was assumed dead less than six months later.

They don't see Len.

And that's the way Len likes it, thank you very much.

Even without that well-timed deletion, though, Mick could've told them that none of them would ever have been enough to predict Len.

Mick has enough trouble doing it, even after all these years. That's why he only gets it then, and waits until they're in the car to actually bring it up.

The car, not the modified alien ship that even now patrols the skies of Central City.

"You think this is the one."

Len glances at him and smirks. "You always did know me best."

Mick nods. Normally, he'd leave it at that, willing to trust in Len, but maybe having two kids has made him a bit more open to actually talking about stuff out loud. "The reason this pod storage expects the Flash to hit it is 'cause that's where they've hidden his girlfriend."

"It was always too well guarded," Len murmurs. "I knew they had to have some valuable people there. It's not until a gap in their security opened up - a very specific gap, best exploited by a speedster - that I realized it was their idea of a trap. And to bait a trap..."

"Why not just fake us out?"

"Aliens," Len says. "Calculators for brain. They understand subtlety in attacking, sometimes, but not subterfuge. This trap is a step forward for them."

Mick nods. "Did you tell him?"

Len shakes his head. "I might be wrong," he offers.

"You don't think you are," Mick corrects. "You think Barry won't be able to resist the obvious trap."

Len shrugs, conceding it. Barry's been working with them for eight months, by now - long enough to celebrate the kids' fifth birthday with them as a much-beloved uncle - and Len usually trusts Barry to listen to the plan.

But, Mick supposes, this is Iris West. She always did make Barry irrational.

"You think maybe Cisco as well?"

Len is silent for a moment.

Mick glances at him sidelong.

"I don't have any reason to think so," he says slowly. "And yet - I hope he is. There haven't been any transfers out of this facility. But he'll be as hidden as Iris is prominent."

Mick nods. "Then we'll look twice as hard," he says, knowing they'll be working on a very limited time frame.

Len smirks. "Oh, you bet we will."

Mick thinks about the extra surprises he packed into his gear this time, the ones not even Len knows about, and wonders if today is the day he'll get to play with them.

Turns out it is.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh, God, Iris!"

"Barry?" Iris gasps, her knees buckling, but Barry is there to catch her.

There's gasping and hugging and kissing.

Mick edges back.

Len studies the wall pointedly.

"Forgot how awkward these reunions are," Mick mutters to Len. They hate public displays of emotion.

"Don't remind me," Len says through gritted teeth. "Lisa's taking care of Cisco's, uh, reunion."

Mick snorts. "When's Ms. Levy dropping off the kids?"

"Soon enough. Figured Barry ought to be alone for this."

"Figured the kids didn't need to be getting the wrong idea about being all touchy feely, you mean."

"Or getting an advanced education in human reproduction. Besides, I was thinking we could have Cisco knock open the door to Earth-2, stat, before the aliens figure out how to stop us."

"Good plan."

"Told Lisa," Len says. "I figure they'll be opening the door pretty soon now."

There's a gasp from where Barry and Iris are intertwined.

Len and Mick look over.

Barry's sitting down, looking dazed, like Iris got in a good punch. More likely she said something, Mick supposes. Maybe she got a new boyfriend in the two and a half years he was gone before she also got disappeared?

It's been nearly four years since then, too. The staggered aging of the pod-freed humans and their free counterparts was one of the weirdest elements of the whole apocalypse.

"I'm so sorry," Barry says to Iris, who has sunk down next to him and is clutching his hand. No new boyfriend, then. "God, Iris - if I'd known - if I'd had any idea -"

"I didn't either," she tells him. "I had no clue until a month or two after you'd gone - and then - oh, Bear. I thought I'd lost you forever. I thought it was all I'd ever have of you."

"Of course," Barry says, wrapping his free hand around hers. "I'm so sorry I left you at all - if I'd been here -"

"If you'd been here, the aliens would've adjusted their plans to attack you first," Len says dryly.

They blink at him, clearly having forgotten anyone else was in the room.

Mick's just happy they decided to go with 'shocking revelations' instead of 'joyous reunion sex'.

"Cisco's free, too," Len tells the two of them. "We found him in a hidden chamber."

"Cisco," Iris breathes. "Oh, god, Cisco! Barry - that means he can go to Earth-2 -"

"He'll be able to get Joe and Wally and the others -"

One of Cisco's holes in reality open up in the middle of the room.

Mick hasn't seen them live before, but it's a welcome sight regardless, especially when Cisco and a second speedster stumble out first, quickly followed by Detective West and a handful of others: Killer Frost, a guy that looks like Harrison Wells, a girl dressed similarly enough to the speedsters for Mick to hope that they've now got three speedsters for the aliens to contend with.

He glances at Len, who's smirking his ass off in a way that signifies real pleasure and anticipation.

"You think..?"

"The aliens went for "em first deliberately," Len replies in an undertone, understanding Mick's unvoiced question. "Their calculators-for-brains know that the odds are against them if we've got the full set of speedsters."

Mick nods, pleased. It's well past time for the world to rid itself of the alien scourge so that they can go back to having regular communities and not having to depend on a group of radical net-neutrality activists to man the various ISPs in the area so that everyone else could cooperate using the Internet.

Joe goes straight for Iris and Barry, shouting their names.

Mick sighs.

More reunions. Great.

If only the house were big enough for them to leave...

There are tears. So many tears.

Barry keeps saying, "If I'd only known -" and getting shushed.

Eventually Len runs out of patience (thank god) and says, "As touching as this is, we're starting to get near capacity. Maybe we ought to stop with the hugging and get with the planning?"

"We're nowhere near capacity yet," Barry says. "We have at least room for -" A quick count. "- uh, okay, only ten more. But that’s still something!"

"Capacity?" Joe asks.

"The aliens attack places where humans cluster in too-large numbers," Barry explains. “Well, they try, anyway. It’s a reasonable precaution not to cluster too large.”

"So that's why Snart and his buddy are here," Joe says, nodding. "You're working together against the aliens."

Mick doesn't like how that implies that Barry would otherwise pick literally any group of people other than them if they weren't useful, but he supposes if you've not been around for the last few years, you couldn't be expected to understand. Communal living is the way people survive, now.

"Iris," Joe continues. "What about..?"

"I was captured by a pod," she says, her voice breaking. “I looked through all the pods when I was rescued – they weren’t there –”

Joe’s face is ashen, grieved.

“What were you looking for?” Mick asks.

“My babies,” she whispers, tears filling her eyes.

“You let Barry reproduce?” Len asks, sounding appalled.

Everyone glares at him.

“They might not be dead,” Mick offers into the silence. “Aliens usually ignore kids if they’re on their own – not a large enough heat signature – and there’ve been really good networks for recycling lost kids into the community.”

“Recycling’s not the word,” Barry says, correction made more out of habitual bickering than actual attempt to correct Mick. “But you think – there might be a chance?”

“It’s always possible,” Len says. “Even if we do track 'em down, though, will you recognize even 'em? It’s been three years, and babies grow fast.”

“I’m their mother.”

“Three years,” Len says implacably. “Kids. Trust me, I’ve got two of my own.”

“Who let you reproduce?” Joe asks with a bit of a sneer.

“They’re adopted,” Barry says quickly while Wally elbows Joe, likely more because of the way Len’s hand moved to sit on his gun. “And very happy. Good kids. Ms. Levy have them?”

“She’ll be dropping ‘em off soon.” Len tilts his head to the side a second before Mick hears the sound of the door opening. “Make that, dropping ‘em off now.”

“Abba!” Dawnie shouts. “Pa! We drew pictures today!”

Mick mentally canvasses how much fridge space they have left. They may need to start overlapping…

Dawnie and Duckie skitter into the room, big grins on their faces, sticky hands clenched around artwork made in crayon, and Mick watches in amusement as the amount of tension in the room relaxes as everyone smiles helplessly at the adorable kids.

Then it all goes to shit, because Dawnie’s smile fades into something nervous and wary and wanting and she stares at Iris and squeaks, “…Momma?”

-----------------------------------------------------------

It started, of course, with a lot of yelling in surprise and "holy crap!" and re-introductions and hugging.

Then, of course, came the recriminations.

"Why is my grandson think he's named after a duck?" Joe demands. He's a bit sore because the kids only had the vaguest recollections of their Paw-Paw.

"His name was Donald," Mick says defensively. The nickname had been his. "How were we supposed to know?"

"He was already nicknamed Don," Joe snaps. "Just like my dad."

"I'm amazed they didn't kill them," Wally mutters to girl speedster.

"You saying I hurt kids?" Len snarls at him. "Or just that I'm incompetent?"

"I didn't mean -"

"I bet."

"I'm just saying," Wally says, starting to get annoyed. "You're supervillains -"

"And you were gone, hero."

"That's not Wally's fault," Cisco exclaims.

"Oh, yeah, he's just saying – just like I'm just saying -"

"Why is everyone fighting?" Duckie asks in a small voice.

Mick puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles as loud as he can. Given that he's been using his whistles to silence entire stadiums, it's pretty effective in such a small space.

Everyone shuts up.

"It doesn't matter," Mick says. "We can fight about the details once the kids are asleep."

The Earth-2 people look at him like he kicked a puppy by admitting that they were going to keep fighting. Dawnie and Duckie (and, amusingly, Barry) all relax because this is something familiar. Len and Mick always schedule their fights for after the kids are asleep, explaining to the kids that it helped them get out their annoyance in a reasonable fashion; as a result, the kids have gotten used to thinking of fights that can be rescheduled as no big deal. No need to worry until you wake up in the morning - if the fight is still ongoing at that point, then you know it's serious.

"Let's go have dinner instead," Barry says. "We can talk over that."

"I can make Grandma West's noodles," Joe agrees.

"Not in my kitchen, you ain't," Mick says, because he's got a reputation as a kitchen tyrant to uphold. Neither Barry nor Len can cook, and if he gives an inch now, they'll be back to eating uncooked pasta. In the interests of avoiding another fight, though... "Maybe another time."

They all go to the kitchen. Mick ends up serving out a few cooked chickens he'd been freezing with plans to use over the next few weeks in different preparations, but chicken enchiladas are good for a crowd.

Most of the conversation is fixed on safe subjects, like goings-on on Earth-2 (alien free and a little boring, but for the gorillas) or the kids' achievements.

"They're even doing above their grade level in math," Barry boasts. He's selling the kids hard, but in fairness to Barry, he always does that. It doesn't feel personal.

"That part definitely came from Iris," Joe jokes. "I remember your math scores, Bear."

Mick personally thinks it came from the hours of tutoring Len put in with the kids, but - he reminds himself - they're trying not to fight.

"Kids, dishes or no dessert," he says.

The kids leap to their feet and start collecting plates. There's no dishwasher - or spare electricity to run one - so they'll be in the kitchen extra-long washing plates this time.

"Aww, let 'em have a day off," Wally says, winking at them. "Not every day they get their whole family back."

"If they don't wash the plates, they'll become unusable," Len says, pointedly ignoring Wally’s phrasing. "Humid climate like this, we'll get mold right quick. Rules are rules for a reason."

He waves the kids off.

"Strict," Joe comments. It doesn't sound like a compliment, though it doesn't necessarily sound like an insult, either. He chuckles, his mind clearly shifting directions. "Bet things'll be different when they go back home. Be careful not to give them culture shock, Iris."

"Home?" Len echoes. It's good he does, because Mick was going to speak and the wording wasn't going to be intelligible. "Not sure if your skills have deteriorated in the last few years, Detective, but they're home now."

"I just meant when they go home with Barry and Iris," Joe says.

He doesn't even mean anything by it, that's the most infuriating part of it; he just says it like it's a fact.

Mick sees red anyway.

"Now listen here, you little -" he starts, but Len's hand snaps out and catches Mick's wrist in an iron grip, signaling silence.

"Mick," Len says calmly. "Don't overreact."

"Overreact?”

"Yes. What's happened here is clear." He smirks. "Detective West has gone senile."

"I what?" Joe exclaims. “I have not –”

"You've lost your fucking mind," Mick says. "If you think anyone is taking the kids away from us."

"I just meant -"

"You'd think as an adopted father himself, he'd have more sympathy," Len says. "Unfortunately not."

"Excuse me if I don't want a pair of supervillains anywhere near my grandkids -," Joe says.

"They're our kids, asshole," Mick says.

"And we're grateful you took care of them for a bit while we were gone, but now Barry's here and Iris' here and I'm here, even Wally's here, and we're obviously more fit to raise them, that isn't even in question -"

"Dad, maybe we should wait -" Iris starts to say soothingly.

"No, Iris, I don't think this can wait. I don't see why there's even any debate about this. They're kids. They need a good, loving, stable and safe home environment, and we'll be able to provide that."

"And we won't?" Len says dangerously.

Joe snorts. "No offense meant, Snart, but you're hardly a good role model, and I can't imagine you know anything about raising kids to be anything other than a pack of criminals. Which isn't happening, in case I wasn't clear about that up front."

"Ain’t really your decision."

"No, it's Barry and Iris', as their parents," Joe says like he's speaking to an idiot. Barry and Iris look uncomfortable. "And they will obviously want to take Don and Dawn -"

"We're not going anywhere!" Dawnie yells from the doorway.

Mick immediately twists in his seat to look at them. Their faces are red and they're clearly upset, clutching at each other for comfort.

"We don't want to go away," Duckie adds, his lower lip trembling so hard he's nearly stuttering. "We wanna stay with Pa and Abba -"

"Don, my little guy," Joe says, standing and moving towards them, "you don't understand - you'll be going back to your Daddy and your Momma and your Paw-Paw -"

"We wanna stay with Pa and Abba," Dawnie says, starting to cry, Duckie right beside her. "We wanna stay! We don't wanna go with you! We hate you!"

Joe takes another step forward, clearly intent on convincing them. Mick gets up in his chair, equally intent on punching him in the face - Len is getting up, hand on his gun, face murderous -

"We're not going anywhere!" Dawnie says, and she grabs Duckie's hand and they turn -

There's a crackle of lightning and they're gone.

Everyone blinks.

"Barry!" Joe exclaims. "Bring them back this instant!"

"Uh," Barry says. "I didn't do that."

"Another speedster?" Cisco exclaims.

"I think," Iris says very carefully, "another two, actually."

"Whatever," Len says, clearly done with all of this; the revelation about the kids isn’t even making a dent in his rage. Mick sympathizes. "I don't care. Now stay down here while Mick and I go fix the damage you just did."

The kids are curled up in bed, just like they were taught to go when they’re angry.

Good.

Len and Mick spend three hours getting the now-vibrating-fast-enough-to-hurt children to calm down, explaining that they're not going to be taken away. Eventually, with the help of multiple assurances, a few more comfort animals than they're usually allowed, and a bedtime story or four, they fall asleep.

Then Len comes downstairs, Mick right beside him, and says "Barry, get Detective West the hell out of my house. Take him to Ms. Levy's place and tell them to send a signal to the next train transport - I want him out of Central City by the end of the week."

"You can't do that!" Joe shouts, whatever efforts to calm him swiftly evaporating. “Listen here, you little –”

"Joe," Barry interrupts. "You don’t understand. He can."

"What?"

"He's the head of the Rogues," Barry says. "They protect the city. If he says you're out, then you're out, and you're lucky to be out alive."

"You'd never let that happen."

"No, but - damnit, Joe, he's my boss now! And a good friend! His kids call me uncle!"

"Your kids, Bear, not his kids -"

"His kids! Their kids! Joe, they've raised them for three years; that's more than Iris and certainly more than me. They're the only parents Duckie and Dawnie remember. We're not taking them away."

"Iris -"

"I agree with Barry, Dad," Iris says. She shakes her head a little. "Dad, if Mom had shown up when I was ten or twelve and decided she was taking me away, I'd have thrown a fit about leaving you, and rightfully so. If we have a big fight about this, they're going to pick them, not us, and then next thing you know I'm not going to get to see them anymore and that's just not acceptable. I lost three years of their lives. I'm not missing another day."

Joe is silent, for once. He doesn't agree, Mick can tell that much from the way he's scowling, but he's silent. Good enough.

"West can stay," Mick says, and Len glances at him. "Kids ought to have a chance to know him. One chance. If he acts up in any way, I'll burn him."

He means it, too.

"Won't that be more traumatic?" Wally asks, crossing his arms.

"I'll say he was an alien spy masquerading as their grandpa," Mick shoots back. "They'll be cool with it."

Joe bristles, but Iris glares him silent.

"Let's at least try to make this work," Barry says.

He always was an optimist.

-------------------------------------------------------

To say that this wasn't the life Iris was expecting is something of an understatement.

She'd planned a life with Barry by her side having adventures as a journalist, maybe a kid or two down the line to be taken care of at home. Maybe by her, maybe by Barry, maybe by Joe if he'd retired - maybe even with a nice babysitter helping them out.

Then Barry went away into the Speed Force - for good, she'd thought - and she was pregnant and then she had a new life in front of her: single motherhood, with help from Dad and Wally and her friends, of the two most amazing (and infuriating) babies of all time.

And then the aliens came for them, and her support system disappeared, and she'd thought of herself as a grim Sarah Conner, the prototypical mother figure, determined to survive and to keep her children alive until they could push the aliens back.

Then - nothing.

The sleep of the pod was like sleeping in bed, deep and dreamless as far as she recalls. Like a coma, maybe. Like Barry's descriptions of his own coma, at least.

And now -

Now, Iris has a life with Barry by her side having adventures as the captain of her own alien warship, and she still hopes to have a kid or two down the line to take care of at home when the aliens are gone. But she's also a part-time Momma to the two best kid-speedsters in the world - Cisco calls them the Tornado Twins - and she co-parents them with Barry and his supervillains.

One of whom is the widely acknowledged commander-in-chief of the United States, leader of the real fight against the aliens and to whose offshoot Rogue branches the armed forces have swarmed to pledge their allegiance - not that he knows it, since Mick still refuses to tell Len that the people he's commanding aren't just surprisingly competent criminals - and the other one is the guy who makes sure said commander remains functional. Iris wouldn't have believed that Len thinks ketchup is a legitimate vegetable if she hadn't walked into that argument herself, but she did, so she guesses that if Len has inadvertently become leader of the free world, that makes Mick his First Arsonist or something, and they're all very lucky to have him, too.

They all live together, with Barry and Iris having one master bedroom and Len and Mick sharing the other, and the kids have the entire downstairs to run around in. The downstairs is a disaster zone as a result, of course.

It's okay; Iris spends quite a bit of her time captaining the newly dubbed (by utterly unanimous agreement) Enterprise and supporting Barry from the air. It's awesome.

Wally's slipped happily into the role of Kid Flash and cool uncle, and even Joe has come around.

It's not the life she imagined, but it's a good life. She likes this life.

She leans back in her captain's chair. "Show them in," she orders, and watches as a handful of strange-looking aliens and one human, all dressed in shiny green suits, walk in. Iris smiles. "Welcome to the Enterprise, representatives of - how did you call it - the Green Lantern Corps. Let's talk about what exactly it is you think you can do for Earth - and whether we're going to agree to any of it."

#dccoldwave #westallen #leonard snart #mick rory #barry allen #iris west #my fic

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