#which is probably the closest ichigo's gonna get

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: Feelings To Write About

Author: @magioftheseas

For: @spaghetti4u

Pairings/Characters: KomaHina + mentioned KamuKoma

Rating/Warnings: G

Prompt: “Hinata or someone else trying to encourage Komaeda into doing something funny to spend the time (going to the beach, playing some game or anything really!)” + “Sharing a bed”

Author’s notes: It’s a pretty lowkey fic, and I ended up having them talk about the WoH because I have fluffy feelings when it comes to them. Cakeland is obviously based off Candyland which I have a lot of nostalgia for. I hope it’s cutesy enough for you!

The weather on Jabberwock wasn’t the perfect, eternal sunshine it had been in the simulation. There were storms and quite harsh ones at that. Hence why when him and Komaeda got caught up in one, he brought Komaeda with him to the hotel for studier shelter rather than just relying on one of their cottages. It was one of those weeks where the others were out trying to fix other parts of the world or meeting with the other sections of the Future Foundation, so the hotel was as vast as it was vacant. Hinata doesn’t try to think about how this scenario is like a million haunted movies and games—he especially doesn’t want to think about games—and instead, he focuses on drying Komaeda’s hair off with several towels.

Komaeda is docile when being fussed over, but he’s still shaking like a leaf. Hinata wraps him in some blankets for good measure, trying to keep a straight face when Komaeda sneezes.

“If we get enough blankets and pillows, this won’t be too bad a place to sleep for the night,” he says, tearing open a tissue packet pulled from Komaeda’s pocket for the other to blow his nose on. Hinata does flash him a smile, playing idly with the wet but still springy curls on his boyfriend’s head. “Do you need anything else to make yourself comfortable?”

“Mm.” A noncommittal hum and a meek shrug. Komaeda’s been in a low mood all day and the storm hadn’t seemed to help measures. Hinata tries to retain a reassuring smile as he tucks silvery strands behind the other’s ear. “It doesn’t really matter.”

I wouldn’t ask if that were true. Hinata bites his tongue. You know I would’ve just decided what to do without you. You probably wouldn’t even care in this state.

“There might be board games,” he found himself saying. “How about we play something to pass the time? You like Go, right?”

Komaeda shrugs again, as if he didn’t carry around go jars all throughout high school and even had them stored in his cottage at that exact moment. Hinata can only sigh and go along with Komaeda’s unstated hesitance.

“Maybe something new,” he said as we went to the closet where the board games were stored. “Variety is the spice of life.”

Komaeda sneezes behind him and makes no further comments. Fine. That’s fine. Hinata should just focus on deciding—or just grab the first thing that catches his eye and settle with that. Which is what he does. Either the dormant Kamukura Izuru’s kicking him in the mental balls right now or Komaeda’s momentary apathy is contagious.

He could figure out which if he thought about it. He elects not to think as to conserve energy. This is how he lives his life now.

Although the board game he grabbed is—not really to his or to Komaeda’s tastes. He still commits and takes it with him before setting it in front of Komaeda. Komaeda does look at the cover, his mouth twitching.

“Cakeland,” Hinata read aloud. “For ages 4 and up. If I didn’t know any better I’d say this is Usami’s doing.”

“Oh, I’ve seen it before,” Komaeda said, soft and low. “Utsugi-san was fond of it. She always forced me to be Donatsuo. She hated that character most.”

Even without a genius brain, Hinata can tell who that is. The donuts-themed boy with short choppy hair and absurdly large, caramel-colored eyes.

“This was Utsugi-san’s character of choice,” Komaeda recalled, tapping his finger against a happy girl in pink. “Ichigo-hime.”

“So,” Hinata said, trying to keep his tone neutral. “Was this game any good?”

“It’s not very complicated because it’s for kids, ages four and up,” was Komaeda’s dull response.

“We’re not kids but we’re older than four, so we should be fine.”

With all that said, it looked like they were playing Cakeland. Hinata sets up the board—which is even kitschier in design than the box and he picks the character that looked the most normal-ish save for a strange hairstyle—identified by Komaeda as the Baron Maron. Komaeda does look between them and muffle a small snort, and Hinata doesn’t care to ask.

Komaeda picks Donatsuo, although he very lovingly places other pieces aside. Ichigo-hime and a few others who mysteriously had similar color schemes to those troubled kids he babysat all that time ago. As Servant. In Towa. After Enoshima Junko died but they were still all in despair.

That he can even have fond memories at all—

Hinata feels his throat burn with questions, but swallows back and just rolls the dice.

“We’re just both going to get six,” Komaeda said. “What to do?”

Hinata doesn’t say that he could probably get any roll he so wanted, so he just grumbles.

“I’ll go first because it’s in my name. Sound enough logic?”

Komaeda giggled warmly. It strikes a soft chord within him, and his heart may or may not do a flip in appreciation of such a sound.

“Whatever,” Hinata says, drawing a card. “What’s important are these, anyway. Wow, I drew you.” He does flash the card, showcasing Donatsuo with a dorky grin and dual peace signs. “Guess that means I go to your character space. It’s the first one on the map though so it’s not that far ahead.”

“It’s good luck to get that at the beginning of the game but bad luck to get that at the end,” Komaeda said, drawing his own card. He just gets a plain color so he only moves ahead four spaces. “Since your luck is better than mine, I wonder if this is even a fair game…”

“Your luck is still formidable,” Hinata pointed out as he drew. It was green. That was five spaces. “I’d say it breaks to about even.”

“Oh, no,” Komaeda breathed, shaking his head. “No, that’s wrong. Comparing my luck to yours is like comparing a gnat to a swan because both can fly.”

“It’s not…” Hinata sputtered a bit, unsure of what the hell to make of that. “What does that even mean? Komaeda, your—your luck’s on a whole other level. You should know that more than anyone.”

Komaeda just draws. He still hasn’t selected a special card. Hinata ends up drawing the next one, a strange angelic figure named Enjunji, who he just didn’t get good vibes from.

“Kemuri-kun’s favorite,” Komaeda said quietly and Hinata moved further ahead. It was the closest character space in reality, so it still wasn’t impressive.

I have a feeling I know how this is gonna go.

Still, they kept playing.

“You’re still like that, huh,” Hinata mused quietly. “You’re still—really harsh on yourself. That hasn’t changed, but I suppose other things have.”

“Other things?” Komaeda echoed before laughing. “Like what, per say?”

“You’re not as reckless as you used to be,” was the immediate answer. Another draw. Another several steps ahead. Komaeda’s piece was struggling to keep up. “You’re much calmer. You don’t talk about hope and talent all the time.”

“Because,” Komaeda said. “Hope’s Peak—the encapsulation of all of that—was in reality a breeding ground for despair. It was poisoned to the core and I was just too blind to notice.”

We all were, myself especially, Hinata thought, reaching up to touch his temple. He knew Komaeda noticed, but his eyes screwed shut so that he wouldn’t have to see whatever warp Komaeda’s face. I wasn’t just blind, I was so, so fucking stupid.

“You agreed to be with me,” he forced out so that he wouldn’t have to keep thinking about his own failures. “Your old self never would’ve let yourself have any real sense of happiness. At least not something you’d have to maintain, like a relationship.”

Komaeda chuckled. “You mean you would’ve let me reject you?”

“You did reject me,” Hinata reminded him dryly. “Several times. And then you demanded Tsumiki make sure I didn’t have brain damage.”

“Oh, did I?” Komaeda tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Well, I still find your attachment to me nonsensical, especially when I more or less stated I wanted nothing to do with you in the past. But—I suppose you knew that was a lie, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, you’re a liar.” Hinata cracked a smile. “At least when it comes to your feelings. You’re sincere most of the time.”

“The proper word is stupid,” Komaeda said, moving his piece a single space with a nudge from a metallic finger. “I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. Don’t say that. You shouldn’t even think it.”

Hinata’s tone was as serious as it was grim. Komaeda’s self-effacing expression twitched, but he simply ducked his head reservedly.

“It’s in moments like this where you most resemble Kamukura-kun,” he murmured, fringe falling before his eyes and obscuring his gaze. “He’d speak up like this in the past despite being so quiet most of the time.”

Hinata felt a stirring in the back of his head. He held his breath until it went away and all that was left was the pounding in his ears. Even with that, he still knew.

“He cared about you.”

Kamukura doesn’t let him see into those memories often, although he still sometimes imagined it—maybe even dreamed it. Komaeda Nagito, eyes murky with despair and shoulders trembling under the weight of it, smiling up at him.

“He didn’t think to acknowledge it, much less accept it,” he went on, rubbing his digits into his scalp and catching skin flakes and rain droplets under his nails. “I was the same way in the simulation.”

“You both had strong reasoning to be that way, my inherent worthlessness none withstanding.” Komaeda laughed. “I wasn’t exactly in my best frame of mind at either time, although that’s not saying much.”

“Nor was I,” Hinata retorted. “I even denied part of my identity. I was—pathetic. You were right about that.”

Komaeda is quiet, lips twisting. His shoulders shake briefly under a certain kind of weight. Hinata draws his next card, and it’s another character, a studious blue one named Chouchoux.

“You were an ass about it,” he said. “Like, an absolute ass. But, hey, definitely not the worst thing about you at the time. By the way, this one was used for Shingetsu Nagisa, wasn’t it?”

Komaeda nodded, fiddling with his mechanical hand and making a loud series of whirly noises. He drew his card as well. Another plain one, with his piece moving only two spaces ahead.

Hinata draws and it’s a card of a boy in stripes and red, looking fierce and fiery. Torayaki—obviously the favored character of one Daimon Masaru.

“Do you miss them?” he found himself asking. “If so, we can contact Towa City and ask Naegi’s sister how they’re doing. They might even be curious about you.”

“I doubt it,” Komaeda laughed mirthlessly. “And it’s fine. As long as they’re doing well.”

“I don’t think they hated you,” Hinata said. “You took care of them after all.”

“I was a wretched despair.” Komaeda shook his head. “And they were perfectly self-sufficient. I doubt they even think of me anymore—and rightfully so. I only approached them in the first place out of curiosity, not because I saw children who needed protection and guidance.”

“They would’ve killed you if you had,” Hinata can’t help but remind him. “Probably would’ve found that sentiment insulting with all that they’ve been through. They were children and angry ones at that. I don’t blame them, of course…” He trails off. “I don’t think it’d be bad to send a letter now that things have calmed down a little.”

Not to mention—you lit up when talking about them. You’ve been listless lately, and I know. I get it. There’s no particular reason for it, that’s just how depression works sometimes. I still missed your smile, Nagito.

“Just a letter shouldn’t be too bad,” he insisted. “You’ve been practicing your calligraphy with that hand after all.”

The hand in question flexes. No joints pop, it’s just more whirls. Komaeda does smile, but it’s one that is curled up on his face, like a body trying to keep itself warm in the cold.

Hinata draws Ichigo-hime next. At this rate, Komaeda has no chance of winning. But the funny thing about a game like this was that luck of the draw could flip things so easily. There was one last character space, furthest ahead and closest to the end.

“Maybe,” Komaeda says and—as expected, he draws the card.

It’s a young woman dressed in green named Monaka-jou-sama.

Komaeda wins the games just a few turns later.

Outside, it was still storming.

“It’s pretty late, so let’s get ready for bed, Nagito.”

“Okay.”

Hinata goes to find futons while Komaeda puts away the board game. Hinata sets up a couple of makeshift beds and he presses them together. He does pause afterward, wondering if this was right. He heard Komaeda shuffling about, the whirling of his arm, and then, he felt Komaeda sliding the board game back onto the shelf. Thunder rumbles, the trees are being rustled by the wind, and Komaeda lets out a soft whew.

Hinata is still up until the moment he hears the padding of Komaeda’s soft footsteps, and he only truly relaxes when Komaeda’s slim arms encircle his waist, with Komaeda pressing his face into Hinata’s back. He pets Komaeda’s hair with a lop-sided smile, and Komaeda’s cheeks puff.

“You don’t just remember the simulation, right,” he murmured. “You have Kamukura-kun’s memories, too.”

“Technically,” Hinata replied. “Kamukura Izuru has to share them with me first. Sometimes he does. Sometimes he doesn’t.”

Komaeda huffed.

“It’s so complicated, keeping you two separate yet also together. Sometimes I wonder who I’m with.”

I wonder that, too. But what matters is…

“Regardless of who I am, I still love you.” He pats Komaeda’s head. “That much is and always will be clear.”

“Regardless of who you are, I love you, too,” is mumbled into his back.

It’s so soft a sound that Hinata wouldn’t have even heard him if not for the vibrations, but that’s fine. It’s not like he’s ignorant to Komaeda’s feelings. Not anymore.

He ushers Komaeda under the blankets, Komaeda still clinging to his wrist all the while. Chuckling softly, Hinata slips in after him and squeezes Komaeda’s hand. He rubs his thumb against the other’s pulse, only pausing because Komaeda grips him with the mechanical hand. His grip only tightens when Hinata kisses his forehead and then down his face.

“When the storm passes,” Hinata says, nuzzling along Komaeda’s jawline and pressing another kiss to his cheek where ensuing the blush tinted it pink. “We should send out letters.”

Komaeda ducks his head, but he still accepts the affection that he’s showered with.

“We should also walk along the beach, maybe,” Hinata teases. “See what gets washed up. It might be treasure.”

“You’re a treasure,” Komaeda retorted, flustered. Shoving Hinata’s hands off and his face away, he buried his face into Hinata’s chest, hiding it from further embarrassment. “You’re the worst thing to have ever washed up on that beach.”

Hinata hummed, stroking his hair.

I didn’t technically wash up, but…

“And yet you stayed behind for me.” Hinata hides his smile in those wild white curls. “You’re still here right now.”

Komaeda grumbled but gave no further response. That was fine. Perfectly fine.

Stay with me, alright? Please keep staying with me. He decided against asking that for now for now. Opting instead for, “Sweet dreams, Nagito. I love you.”

#komahina #kamukoma #fanfiction #komahina secret exchange

[lefossile]

Why is the Fullbringer Arc a meaningful plot milestone 3

This time I bothered to be picky and check some grammar;

links to part 1 / part 2

part 3/?

This time we gonna try and scratch the topic of SALVATION. 

Now we’ve saved Rukia, Hime, Karakura, the world, but the topic continues to be a key theme here in the arc too. Salvation is as a fact constantly mentioned by the heroes themselves, and they are namely divided into two camps. Those who were saved by Kurosaki (99.9%) and those who were saved by Ginjo.

And if in the first case everyone is so happy and grateful how Karakura got prettier under Kurosaki-kun, then the latter cannot boast of such a thing. It intertwines many other topics that I indicated before, and evolves in a kind of tragedy of salvation from Ginjo. Which is because he is designed to mirror Ichigo to a certain level, the same with salvation. If Kurosaki is presented as pro-creative salvation, then Ginjo is destructive. Which is not precisely true of course, but only one perspective of their conflict as substitutes.

Together however, Ginjo and Ichigo form a Shinto dyad until the moment Kurosaki rescues / purifies Ginjo himself (on that later). Which is further indicated by their sun and moon themes respectfully. If you haven’t read a beautiful thread by @blue-dream-rhapsody​​, you should go and do it rn, because it’s really godly and eloquent composed and adds good perspective on the main events of the arc and symbolism.

Among the fullbringers, basically most words about salvation are heard from Riruka’s lips in the chapters Pray for the Predators, but we will try to analyze an example of a not very successful “salvation” using the example of Tsukishima. 

What could go wrong? It would seem that by his act Ginjo should have saved Tsukishima as a child, like the others, from loneliness, but since salvation is presented as destructive (not at that point, but further into the narration to mirror Ichigo), instead of growth, as Ichigo’s friends show, we got hyper fixation up to codependency, which resulted in this

These are not the words of an adult, but the reaction of an abandoned child. And by his actions (most of which are behind the scenes), Ginjo really builds a similar hierarchy between Tsukishima and himself, thereby not allowing even him to approach and understand himself to 100% extent, which is tragic. That is of course due to the trauma Ginjo has to live through (and probably because he still fathomed sort of responsibility over Tsukishima, who was the only one left after the OG fullbringer skirmish), and it does certainly not discard the bond they have. Which is, namely, the closest bond probably between fullbringers, but still goes along “reach out, but not hold” lines. 

That imbalance of their initial relationship left such a strong mark on Tsukishima psyche that it took Ginjo to die, so Tsukishima, who was experiencing a break with his mentor and father figure in real time, could finally understand the message. That’s, well, drastic.

If we look straight through every panel, you can see that Tsukishima does not approve of everything that Ginjo does (again read the amazing analysis mentioned above), but agrees, as he is afraid of losing the latter’s favor. And although he teases Ginjo and their verbal exchanges are the closest in dynamics of all fullbringers, they are still not equal (at least at that point, thank you CFYOW for the improvement)

 Although I applaud how, by one (1) phrase, Tsukishima was able to understand what in and how Ginjo’s memory should be changed so that the complex flex of one actor’s theater should develop as intended. They are, if fact, that close, that Ginjo allows him into his past willingly, permits him to take action there on his own accord. And Tsukishima knows Ginjo to an extent, where he understands what should be changed, where the critical point of breaking lies and what role he himself has to undertake to be “the villain”. He, fully realizing that it’ll take him against the person he respects most, and wishing to “save” that person willingly is what makes him agree with it. 

Hot take: Ginjo, knowing or not, could’ve to a certain extent altered Tsukishima’s fulbring, which is actually the result of the latter’s loneliness. If we look carefully - the ability itself was not originally a combat one or a method of violence. This is a way to get rid of loneliness, to establish bonds, which are a recurring theme in the arc too. Like all fullbring abilities, Book of The End is a reflection of the owner’s character, which we observe here. And in general, Tsukishima, who unlikely had any initial penchant for sadism suddenly turns into this, I wonder why.

Other Fullbringers, such as Jackie or Riruka, also realize how different their “salvation” is from the others, how it differs in it’s core and how the whole way they manage to live through it is different from people saved by Ichigo. Jackie says it directly, Riruka mostly mutters to herself, but both show this alienation from others, which correlates with themes of fullbringers and loneliness. (which is further explained in CFYOW)

In other words, the innate abilities belonging to Fullbringers, is the very source which causes them to grow alienated from the world, and at the same time, it is also the chain that keeps these isolated individuals tethered to it.   

Even so all Fullbringers feel a great share of respect towards their leader, essentially and wholeheartedly want to repay him forv the salvation he gave them. The other thing is that they just cannot succeed and bring Ginjo the much needed closure, althought they try, because he separates himself. And it’s very distincly hinted in the raws after the chapters, where everyone is represented by their fullbrings, and we know how Cross of Scaffold looks and what we see instead of it? The Substitute badge. [here I blabbered what it also could mean] Yet I am sure everyone gets what this means.

And that’s also the intervening thought, that is subtly hinted: one saves others through connections, through being able to emphasize  with others, being able to warm and open up to other people, through forging bonds. This way it becomes clear, why Ginjo is shown as destructive, because after the incident with his original group and SS betrayal he lost that quality (which is in itself absolutely credible and a very humane reaction which I love and can relate to). Although not completely, but up until he, himself, is saved by Ichigo and can be set to a metaphorical rebirth as a soul and get some closure, those “salvations” are incomplete.

I mentioned before the word purified, and I think it really passes here, because the moment Ginjo dies, where his “earthly” stuggle ends and he gets his closure with Ichigo (at least) and we see the “right” choice theme reaping the consequences, he then, as moon symbol, watches over the rest of fullbringers until they are, actually, saved and able to move on. The destructive turns procreative. We see, that there wasn’t as big distance and as much antagonism inside the group, as we could possibly suggest earlier.

This also goes nicely with the fact, that fullbringers are akin of Hollows, and as we know, Hollows often have these “attachments” they are unable to get over after death, and that’s what’s happening when I said Ichigo, in a form, releases Ginjo of this “chain, that tethered him to the world of the Living”, in the same way he purifies Hollows.

P.S It actually goes kinda nicely with the whole Amaterasu|Tsukiyomi legends but that would make another longpost.

Fullbringers still have these strong bonds (as antonym to the loneliness and another recurring theme through the arc), no matter what. They still care about Ginjo even when he’s in the afterlife.

SUMMARIZING:

The salvation theme is circular because everyone wants to save everyone: the gang wants to save Ichigo, the fullbringers want to save Ginjo, Ginjo wants to save himself from guilt and get revenge on SS, Ichigo wants to save himself from helplesness, but also saves everyone around, and those whom he saved before help him in doing so. He saves Ginjo, which the others failed to do, but not only once but twice.

The second time namely be when he does not give Ginjo’s corpse to the Tsunayashiro family for the removal of a piece of the Rey-o and asks for permission to bury Ginjo’s body properly. So that Ginjo can come to SS and finally make peace with himself and the whole situation. 

[and i got emotional all of the suddent so i gonna dab out, pls stay tuned when i’ll stop wailing and will move on to cry abt ginjo some more]

#bleach #ginjo kugo #ichigo kurosaki #fullbringers #megamindbabble #i cannot stress enough how much thoughts i have about #*vague hand gestures* #all this #sorry this was not very eloquent of me #but i try #shoutout to two people who give me sm brain juice i gonna explode #ty #bless u <3 #now i go cry ahaha

[midnightactual]

Yoruichi’s Character Arc

I’ve alluded to it before with things like Yoruichi’s Versions, but I’ve never really directly spelled out my conception of Yoruichi’s post-exile development and character arc from a more emotional point of view, so I guess I might as well do that. I’ve talked about Yoruichi’s character flaws and deficiencies before in The Duality of Yoruichi, and I’ve talked about impressions other people have of her in Yoruichi and Loneliness. A lot of the former issues stem from her childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, which is detailed (if dispassionately) in History, and a lot of the latter has to do with the image she presents to others as a form of distancing herself from them.

Something which serves as a good emotional guide to Yoruichi in this timeframe is The Glitch Mob’s remix of Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes. I’ll be intercutting lyrics from it to illustrate that point more as I go.

Upon her arrival on Earth, Yoruichi (Yoruichi-4) was essentially extremely Tired and Done as a result of the things which had happened to Yoruichi-1 through Yoruichi-3. Although getting away from things wasn’t her primary motivation during the Hollowfication Incident, it did nonetheless inform her complete willingness to leave her life behind. Simply doing that, however, didn’t really free her mentally from the ramifications.

And I’m talking to myself at night Because I can’t forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes Says “Leave it alone”

Engaging in avoidant behavior, she quickly departed from reminders of her past life and promptly threw herself into worldly human concerns as a way of getting away from her past and herself. This sort of worked for a time, although she would accordingly encounter new traumas due to the horrors of the early 20th century, resulting in Yoruichi-5 and Yoruichi-6.

While she would properly reconnect with Kisuke and the Shōten following the conclusion World War II, it was the death of Kaien that really altered her trajectory substantively. The subsequent Yoruichi-7 was more aware of the fact that she couldn’t escape who she was and where she’d come from, but chose to contextualize it within her recent experiences: she chose to uphold Kaien’s ideals in trying to guide and save humanity through direct action. (As a full nuclear exchange World War III would crash the reincarnation system just as hard as any subsequent threat.)

And if I catch it coming back my way I’m gonna serve it to you And that ain’t what you want to hear But that’s what I’ll do

And the feeling coming from my bones Says “Find a home”

Yeah

I’m going to Wichita Far from this opera forevermore I’m gonna work the straw Make the sweat drip out of every pore

While this agenda was ultimately successful (even if her final relevance to the outcome was questionable) it really boiled down to just keeping things ticking over so that (metaphorically) the sun would still rise the next day. Yoruichi also kind of lost herself in the process and became even more Tired, which even the comparative respite of the ‘90s did relatively little to alleviate.

Being summoned back to Karakura to deal with Aizen finally making moves again, she sort of framed it as one last ride before retirement, only for the fights with Soifon and especially with Yammy to make it clear to her that nothing was really over. Yoruichi-8 thus came about, resolved to return to to her peak performance (at the level of Yoruichi-3 and more) and to put an end to everything once and for all.

The return to dealing with matters involving Soul Society and the organization of the universe at large reawakened feelings of inadequacy and failure within Yoruichi, and Kisuke’s proposition of a grand plan to put things right using Ichigo and Rukia resonated with her: she could either finally atone and receive absolution for her past, or at least receive judgment and oblivion.

All that came crashing down when that plan failed in a spectacularly ignominious fashion. “Judgment Day” came and went with the Wandenreich War, and the world as it was known trundled on past the apocalypse rather substantively unchanged. They failed. She failed. The resulting Yoruichi-9 was thus mostly defined by her rage and resentment at having her satisfactory conclusion snatched away from her by forces beyond her control, and being forced to live with herself just like before only without much hope for some sort of resolution.

But she did have to live with herself. Eventually, as she lived day to day and her anger cooled, she became Yoruichi-10, who was nonetheless still rather more latently irritable and aggressive than most past iterations. This Yoruichi was left looking for purpose in life, and more besides.

And I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding Right before the Lord All the words are gonna bleed from me And I will think no more

Eventually, she found it in the idea of protecting humanity, just like Yoruichi-7... if differently. Yoruichi-11 was, as a result of recent experiences with Yoruichi-9 and Yoruichi-10, rather more presumptive, assertive, and—to not put too fine of a point on it—quite capable of being a bitch toward others. Unfortunately for her, just having the resolve to live and a purpose in doing so wasn’t really sufficient to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life, and she knew it (as seen in Provocateur).

The real crux at the heart of her interpersonal discontent was, “Don’t you all know you’d be so much better off without me?”

And the stains coming from my blood Tell me “Go back home”

The Void and Hale event was Yoruichi’s attempt to find real personal meaning in life rather than just some sort of impersonal mission statement, and so she decided to fashion her own little idea of “Judgment Day”: she quite literally threw herself away, again and again, searching for deeper meaning in the process of doing so.

There was no divine revelation at the bottom. All that was down there, in the deepest and darkest abyss, was a single spark of indignation: a rage against the dying of the light. What she decided to do upon finding it, was to cradle it within her hands and to make it her purpose to fill the entire universe with it: “Let there be light.”

Yoruichi-12 finally really gets that she can’t do that by herself, and that the way of achieving it is to indeed “Go back home”. Of course, home to her isn’t something so simple as the Shihōin Manor or even the Urahara Shōten. She’s a creature of two worlds at this point—of Earth and Soul Society—and knows that home is as much other people as it is some place. It’s Yūno, and Yūshirō, and Kūkaku, and Kisuke, and Tessai, and Soifon, and so on. (Yes, even her parents.)

This Yoruichi is probably the closest which she has ever actually been to the image which many others have of her (see Yoruichi and Loneliness) and is (increasingly with time) likely the most well-adjusted she’s been too. However it’s important to keep in mind that despite this, Yoruichi is fundamentally a rather Absurdist figure, capital-A.

What she’s truly wanted for more than a century—redemption—has been, in essence, ridiculous. Her latest conception of herself, as filling the human universe with “light” through her own personal example—of rebelling against the status quo and improving things for their own sake right now, and damn the consequences, because that’s what it means to be human—is preposterous. What she ultimately resolves to do in Peace and subsequent threads (set approximately a year after Void and Hale?) could really be seen as her at her most absurd, like Don Quixote tilting at windmills.

Nonetheless, there she is, and there she goes, living on and by her own terms.

#Out Of Character #Headcanons #Music

[woodrokiro]

Hollowed (fic), Part Nine

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing: IchiRuki: 

Summary: They call her a miracle, but he looks at her as if she’s normal. It scares her. Fantasy/Futuristic/Zombie kinda?AU. Read Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

“That is ludicrous.”

“It’s not. It’s true.”

“You’re telling me that you think Measure for Measure is better written than Hamlet--” she watches him sputter, near choking on his own bafflement, “--one of the greatest pieces of literature written, so legendary that what’s left of literary scholars today are still talking about it five hundred years later?”

“I am. You need to read Measure for Measure again.”

“No don’t turn this on me, you need to read Hamlet again--”

“I already did. Four times. I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m. Just. Not. Impressed.” She crosses her arms and looks at him pointedly, working admittedly hard to prevent the smirk working at her face. “Anyway, that’s my personal opinion.” 

“Yeah, well, your opinion sucks--”

“My opinion is pristine.”

“Okay, so-so why would, like, hundreds of literary scholars disagree with you?”

“I don’t know these scholars you speak of that you read from one book, but I can tell you they’re dead and outdated.”

He huffs, twisting around so that his back is turned to her against the screen. Like he’s punishing her. 

She knows he can’t see her, but just in case she smothers her grin into her palm.

It’s strange, she considers as she moves the chair she was leaning against, studying the floor beneath the table. How quickly they’ve fallen into a bizarre sort of friendship--and over books at that. 

At the day’s end after they had exchanged Hamlet and King Lear, Rukia became rather embarrassed at herself. How rude she was at his misunderstanding her proposed arrangement, how quickly she had taken his valued copy from his hands…

How excited she became at the thought of having a reading partner. 

She didn’t sleep well that night. It wasn’t like her to act that way. The fact that she hadn’t had a literary friend in so long was no excuse. As a lady she was to have poise, she was to be elegant and reserved and not expect more of other people than what their duties called for, that was something she swore to herself after Kaien--

She was ready to apologize when his next shift came. Instead, before she could say a word he came back with her King Lear in hand claiming that Lear “was a total pissant.”

She still chose her words carefully around him, and days after the hospital left her not wanting to talk to him at all. 

But today was a good day, and she was rather ashamedly surprised that annoying him so easily was… Quite fun. 

As if on cue, he turns his head--but not enough to look at her. “You’re wrong.”

“On the contrary: I’m always right. I’m the Prized One, remember?”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “Whatever that means, I can see it clearly hasn’t gotten to your head.” He stops, and she can hear him wrapping his knuckles on the floor. “So you’re telling me none of it resonated with you? I mean, this guy’s birthright was taken from him, so he fought--”

“No, not really.” she stops him half-mindedly. Her gaze and attention is really on the small chandelier hanging above her table that needs quite a bit of dusting.”Besides: he doesn’t deserve to be king. His self-entitlement cost lives, and for what? What he thinks may have been a ghost of his dead father?”

“Well no one’s arguing Hamlet’s a good guy, but--that’s my point! Lives were cost at the selfish decisions of the rich. How about Ophelia, didn’t you feel a… I don’t know, a connection to how vulnerable she--um EXCUSE ME what are you doing?”

She looks down at his sputtering expression from where she stands on the table. “What? I’m dusting this chandelier.”

“Yeah I can see that, but Kiyone’s coming later and… I don’t know, has a ladder??”

“Kiyone’s gone for the day, and I need this done now.” She blinks at him. “Did no one tell you? My brother’s coming for a visit.”

“No one tells me anything here.” He grumbles, but still eyes her skeptically as she reaches up to polish the decorative glass petals. “Look, could you just--can you get down from there? You’re gonna get hurt, and he’s not worth it.”

“No I’m not; see? I’m already done.” She drops her rag on the ground below. “And don’t talk that way about my brother. Now, he’s coming soon so I have to--” 

She twists her body to find the chair from which she can step down, forgetting that she’s standing on what she realizes now is a rather slippery paper. 

She hears a shout as she tumbles down.

--

He’s shouting and Rukia is on the ground and groaning and goddamn it he knew this would happen and if the psycho doesn’t answer him this second he’s gonna blame her for the ten years shaved off his life but he can’t think about that now he’s---

He’s inside the room. Holding her. 

He doesn’t remember even twisting the latch open, or the exact moment that he decided to disobey her orders by coming in--but whatever. It wasn’t a question, coming to her side.

“Rukia. Hey! Rukia, answer me.” She grimaces in response, but he near bellows in a sigh of relief. “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me.”

“What are you doing over here, fool?” Her glare and tone could kill, but Ichigo just rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t know, why were you thinking you could just stand up on such a weak ass table and not get hurt?”

“That’s not the point.”

“That is the point, dumbass, that’s why we’re here!” 

“Don’t talk to me that way. Go back to your side, I’m fine--” she starts to get up, but flinches with a sharp intake of breath. 

Her eyes meet his and they stare each other down. 

“Where does it hurt?”

“I’m fine, I just said I was.”

“You just fell four feet at least, so no you’re not fine--”

“Quit overreacting, it’s not like I went unconscious--”

“Even so, you could have sprains. Let me have a look--”

“This is completely disregarding my orders--”

“Rukia, sit on the damn chair and shut up!”

He thinks she’s going to scream back for a moment, until she follows his orders with an irritated huff and pulls herself up to sit in the closest chair he had pulled for her. Ichigo doubts she really  gave up that easy, and that he’ll have to pay for it sometime later.

Whatever, he can deal with it once he finds her injuries.

After giving her head a once over and asking her repeatedly whether she hit it (the answer is a bratty, resounding “no” each time, which leaves Ichigo somewhat relieved), he moves back to look at the rest of her body.

“Where does it hurt then?”

Silence. 

“I’ll wait right here as long as I have to.”

“... My hands broke my fall, but my ankle is rather sore.”

Ichigo nods. “Makes sense, if you twisted it,” he mutters before kneeling at her feet to take a closer look.

Surprisingly the ankle looks fine; a little swollen, but nothing that can’t heal on its own. He gently feels out the rest of the foot, gingerly pressing his thumb into different points of the fragile bones.

“Here? Is it okay here?”

She doesn’t answer, but he can feel her nod. He swallows thickly, moving his hand slowly past her ankle, up around her calf.

Her skin--he tries not to notice--is very soft.

“Here…?” He looks up and finds her watching him. Her lips are slightly parted, and her half-lidded eyes look slightly… Hazy? Dazed? Curious? 

He doesn’t know what to call them, but he knows he’s not able to look away.

He’s caught by the stillness of the moment--his looking up at her, her gazing down at him--and he’s pretty sure the only noise in the room is his breath, the creak of her chair. He should probably do something, say anything to make this normal again--and he’d rather not do anything because the only thing he can do would be very inappropriate and something he very much does not want to do so he opens his mouth to speak--

“My sister Karin is unhappy in the kitchens, would you be able to put her in masonry?”

Rukia’s eyes snap open wide. Her face falls, startled and even a little sad and she firmly kicks her leg from his grasp. 

Ichigo wants to shove his whole fist in his mouth and choke. 

You absolute piece of shit.

“Of course, I’d be happy to put a good word in.” She clears her throat, looking anywhere but him. “Are you done? I’ve told you, I’m all right.”

“Y-yeah of course. Sorry.” He stumbles back onto his heels, brings himself to stand on suddenly jittery legs. “Look, Rukia, I didn’t--that’s not what I--”

“That’s Lady Rukia to you.”

The two of them jump at the unexpected voice, and turn to see where it’s coming from. Byakuya is standing at the doorway, coolly eyeing his sister and her flustered bodyguard.

He sees her get up rather quickly and bow. “Brother, I thank you for your presence--”

“Are you hurt, Rukia?” Byakuya directs the question at her, but keeps his eyes trained on Ichigo’s. “I can only imagine that was what was happening so distastefully with your bodyguard. Though how he would have any medical knowledge is beyond me.”

“My father often offered medical assistance in the Valley--”

“Medical knowledge in the Valley is akin to a monkey learning how to be a doctor here: not even close in their knowledge.” 

Before Ichigo has the chance to snap, Rukia pipes up. “He did well in searching for immediate injuries, Brother. And I have no doubt the medical facilities look for anything he might’ve missed tonight.”

“I would believe so.” He eyes Ichigo sternly for another moment before turning his attention to his sister. “In any case, you know better to be careful Rukia. I don’t need to remind you of your delicate condition.”

“Of course, Brother. I only wanted the room to look nice for you--”

“Guard, you may leave.” He nods curtly back to Ichigo. “I require a private meeting with my sister, and from there I will accompany her to the medical facilities.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath from Rukia. “So early today? Can’t it be a little later--”

“The hospital needs to see you sooner for another test. Their schedule cannot be helped.”

“... Of course.” Rukia bows again, then turns to Ichigo. “Ichigo, you may go. Thank you for your service today.”

Ichigo grits his teeth. He knows Rukia was looking forward to Byakuya coming, but he doesn’t like the idea of this fucking asshole nitpicking her without anyone to protect her. 

But then… He was just a fucking asshole to her, too.

And Rukia’s still not looking him in the eye. 

He walks out of the room, past the captain with tightened fists before slamming the door with a frustrated thud. 

--

Lunch with her brother has never been… Well. Comfortable. Particularly after he’s just found her and her bodyguard in a compromising position. 

Not that it was at all what it looked like; Ichigo was just checking her for injuries, after all. Maybe she felt… Dizzy when he was gently pressing her ankle, his calloused hand moving its way up her calf--but she can blame the lightheadedness on her fall. Besides: it was clear he thought nothing of it, either. The way he asked for his sister… 

She’s not offended, she muses as she pours more tea into her brother’s cup. Not in the slightest. She’s rather used to people asking things of her, and it’s all right. Really. He’s already proved himself a capable servant, he can ask for things. 

It’s better that there’s distance, she thinks as she holds the cup out to her brother with two hands. It’s better to think of him as just that: a capable servant. Don’t blur the lines like last time.

“You look deep in thought today, Sister.” Byakuya observes her from behind his raised cup. “Is something the matter?”

She shakes her head, shakes the annoying feelings of disappointment and loneliness from her mind. “Not at all. I’m just rather tired. I suppose I wasn’t expecting to… To go to the hospital so early today.”

“It is necessary. You know the tests are planned very carefully.” He replies shortly, but there’s a tinge in his voice that she knows is not unkindness. “After tonight, you will get a bit of rest. I have requested that they give you a longer break before your next visit.”

She bows her head low. “Thank you for your kindness, Brother.”

“It is no kindness. I would think it does little good for the doctors to have you so weary, as they have the past few weeks.” He sips his tea nonchalantly, but she knows his action for what it is: a mercy.

They are not common from him, but she knows he does try where he can.

Which is why she knows moments like these are the best times to ask.

“By the way, Brother--if you would be so inclined… I would like to ask for my favor of the month. My bodyguard--Ichigo Kurosaki--”

“I know who he is, you need not describe him by name.”

“Of course. His sister… I believe her name is Karin. If I am to be believed, she does not make a great fit in the kitchens--”

“Has she made your meals incorrectly? Does she need to be reprimanded?” Her brother drums his fingers slightly on the table.

“No! No, nothing like that. Just… I believe she might be better elsewhere. Perhaps Masonry? From what I’ve heard, there are always workers needed there--and I’m sure she is quite capable of the work.” 

Byakuya watches her evenly, and she resists the urge to squirm or gulp down the rest of her tea in distraction. He doesn’t tolerate people that can’t hold a level conversation with him--no matter how intimidating he may or may not know himself to be.

Finally, he lets out a dignified snort. “That group has been spoiled enough already,” he lets out, clearly irritated. “The boy is your bodyguard, one is being led around our classified medical facilities, the others have jobs citizens more qualified than them have been requesting for years. Yamamoto believes they bring good, but I do not.”

“I think--I believe they are just hard working people with no place to go--”

“They could’ve gone someplace else. There are other villages that still exist… But very well. If you request to have the girl moved… Then I trust your judgement.” He looks at her, and it’s subtle--but she’d say it is one of exasperated affection. “You ask too much for others, Sister, and not enough for yourself.” 

She is about to say something, thank him for his kindness yet again when he clears his throat and stands to leave. “Shall we go, then?”

Rukia nods, stacking her dishes neatly for Kiyone to take while she’s gone. 

She tries not to think about discomfort she’ll face tonight, the raw pain that’ll sure enough be in her shoulder.

But It is worth it, she tells herself until it gives her the strength to stand taller. 

So long as I’m helping people, it is worth it.

#ichiruki #bleach #ichigo kurosaki #rukia kuchiki #my stuff #hollowed

[lo-55]

Shattered Chains of Fate Ch. 5

Heart Breaker

(Spoilers for Fate/Apocry[ha Inheritors of Glory.

Also Achilles is Gay and you can’t change my mind)

Mash was turning out to be a real heartbreaker.

Right outside of Alcatraz and they’ve been accosted by Fergus and Diarmud, who is a Lancer her and not a Saber like Ichigo was used to. Not only were they now fighting two servants, but Fergus had the gall to propose to Mash.

Which is how Ichigo ends up breaking all rules of a holy grail war and he, the master, stomps over to their opponents and punches Fionn on the head as hard as he can. He would have done more damage to the brick walls but he thinks he gets the point across because -

“She’s a kid! Don’t go proposing to someone like that you goddamn creep! I’ll kick your ass!”

Medusa has to catch him in her chains and forcibly drag him back to the group while he threatens bodily injury to the opposing servant.

“And for that matter stop being a dick to Diarmud! Asshole!”

“Well now that’s a foul mouth. Are all masters like you?” Fergas rubs his head, looking unruffled and honestly? Ichigo’s pretty sure he just broke his damn hand. Totally worth it.

“There are no other masters,” Ichigo scowls. The ground rumbles as a whole army of celtic warriors crest the hill. They’re caught, between the sea and the army and the servants. And to top it all off, there’s a crack in the sky. Along with the ring of solomon, a jagged smile rips through the sky and crawls with dark teeth. A monster crawls out and Kyo grimaces.

“If you keep releasing your reitsu like that, you’re going to summon a whole army of them here,” he said frankly. Ichigo stares at him.

“Huh?”

“You didn’t even notice, did you?” Kyo looks him over, something thoughtful in his eyes. “I suppose you wouldn’t. You’re only human, isn’t that right?”

“Uh yeah. Just human.”

“Master,” Cu elbows him, “It’s time to fight.”

“Right,” Ichigo turns to the living and clenches his fist in front of his chest, his command seals burning against his skin. “Let’s take them down! Rama, show us what that sword of yours can do!”

“Yes!” Rama helfts his blade and fire erupts, scorching and hot. He grins, a king and a warrior at one and-

Throws it like a frisbee.

Ichigo stares, mouth open, as it rips through the enemy like an overpowered saw blade. That was on fire.

“So that’s his Noble Fantasm, huh?” Ichigo runs his fingers through his hair. He can feel it draining his mana, but he could probably stand for it to be released a few more times before he collapses.

“Okay,” Ichigo focuses on the battle again, his mind whirling. Two lancers, and they have one Saber, one Berserker, on Lancer, one Rider, one Shielder, one Caster and Ichigo himself. Lancers were weak to Sabers, and strong to Archers, which they don’t have.

He can work with this.

“Mash, get ready. Cu, you too,” he keeps his plan quiet, his directions firm and the world focuses down to this point, this battle. Diarmund and Fergus are stronger than them by far but Ichigo will not accept defeat or failure. Together, they can drag victory out of their jaws.  

By the time the fight ends he realizes that Kyo is staring at him intently. Ichigo scowls at him in return.

“What?” he asks irritably.

“I was just wondering… What on earth is happening here?”

“Huh? It’s a holy grail war,” obviously. But the ghost just stares at him, and Ichigo realizes that he’s going to have to explain. About the singularities, about the incineration of humanity. About the end of the world that they’re trying so hard to prevent.

By the time he’s done, Kyo is pale and his mouth is drawn tight.

“That’s- that’s insane! If the living world ends, so will the worlds of the dead!”

“Oh yeah?” Ichigo hums. “That’s fucked up. But, we’re not gonna let that happen. Even if our assination attempt failed, we’ll just have to meet them head on.”

“You say that like it will be easy,” Rama comes to his side and looks vaguely in the ghosts direction. “The truth of the matter is, even with all of us, our chances at winning are still going to be slim.”

“So?” Ichigo crosses his arms over his chest. “This isn’t our first rodeo. We’ll win. We have to.” He says it like it’s simple. And to him, it is.

“If that’s the case,” Kyo eyes Ichigo speculatively. “You might want to suppress your Reitsu. How you still have it when other people are eating it is beyond me… You’re like a fountain, still bubbling up even as everyone drinks from you.”

“Couldn’t you make a less weird analogy?” Ichigo frowns at him. “And how do I do that?”

“What do you mean ‘how’? You take your reitsu and draw it into yourself.”

“... I have no idea how to do that.”

“Well, if you don’t figure it out you’re going to keep attracting those monsters,” he nods towards the fading corpses he’s left after his fight. Ichigo recognizes the dust they leave as a type of magic ingredient. Void dust. How weird…

“Fine then. I guess until I figure out how to do that-” Ichigo grabs the ghost by the wrist and starts dragging him towards the east. They need to find Robin, fast.  

“You’re coming with us.”

*

“Sorry but, uh, who the fuck are you?” Ichigo asked when he finally regained consciousness. “And more importantly why the fuck are you in bed with me?!”

Which is a sentence he never thought he’d have to say. But here they were. Because fuck everything.

Instead of answering him the man, one of Urahara’s associate’s if he remembered, started shouting right next to Ichigo’s ear for ‘Tenchou’. Whoever that was, Ichigo planted his foot into the man’s chest and shoved him viciously off. A twinge of pain shot through his back, but he pushed past it. He was well on the mend, and he’d always healed fast.

He closes his eyes and takes a breath. The coldness of Rukia’s energy inside of him is gone, and he’s only a human once more. A human with high reitsu, but still a human nonetheless. What had happened?

Ichigo looks up when a more familiar face walks into the room. Urahara.

“You shouldn’t move around too much. Your injuries could still kill you.”

Ichigo snorts derisively. “Not at this point. If I was gonna die, I already would have. You were the one who saved me, right? There was someone else there too, another kid about fifteen-”

“He’s fine,” Urahara interupts. “I fixed him on the spot and he left. In fact, he asked me to take care of you.”

“Huh? Uryu did?” Ichigo can’t help the start of a smile. “I knew he liked me. He was just in denial.”

“He also said, ‘the only one who can save Rukia is probably Ichigo’.”

“Ah? That’s a lot of faith,” Ichigo crosses his legs under the sheets, staring down at the wrinkles in them. Uryu didn’t even know everything he could do, everything he had done. No one alive did and he was starting to regret it. To save Rukia though… How was he going to do that? “I’ll have to find a way to Soul Society… And, I couldn’t do it on my own. I wonder…”

He didn’t have enough mana to keep a servant around full time. Normally the holy grail maintained most of them. And during his tenure at Chaldea Chaldea’s system had managed about eighty percent of the upkeep. He definitely didn’t have the mana for a summoning, which took more all at once than just having a servant by his side. Otherwise, he’d have called someone to his side ages ago.

It didn’t help that he didn’t really have any catalysts. Almost everyone he’d ever summoned had been pure luck. And now he had nothing of any of theirs. Waver might have something, but still.

Would he even be able to take his servants into the afterlife? Or would they be drawn back to the throne of heroes?

What about Ereshkigal? Where was she in all this? The age of gods was over, and they had faded from the earth, but was she toiling away in the afterlife? Trying to bring beauty to Kur?

“I should have asked Rukia…”

“If it’s any consolation, I know a way into Soul Society.” .

“Do you?” He wasn’t even remotely surprised. No, this guy seemed like someone who would know a way to traverse dimensions.

Ichigo made a private vow to never let him anywhere near Merlin.

“I do,” Urahara was giving him a strange look from under his mask, but Ichigo was too tired and in too much pain to care. The only thing that mattered was saving Rukia. Once he figured out how to get there, he could set about figuring out how to get his servants too. If Renji and Byakuya were any indication, he should be able to make it with most of his closest allies. Assuming he could summon them.

“Alright. And what do I have to do to get you to tell me? I doubt you’ll do that for free, even if she is a regular of yours.”

“Oh my, do you really have such little faith in me?”

Ichigo just gives him a look, and the airy smile starts to fade.

“Alright. The condition you have to meet is simple. Starting now, for ten days, you have to train with me.”

Ichigo cocks his head. “Do I have that much time? Rukia’s supposed to be executed.”

Urahara breaks down the timeline for him. A month, he has one month to get strong enough to beat Byakuya without Rukia’s powers to help him. Ten days to train, seven days to get there, and thirteen days to save her. There’s something else going on, Urahara has no need to help him this much, but he’s learned not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

There’s definitely something going on here that he doesn’t understand. And Urahara is using him for something else. But…

‘A scumbag who will do anything to win.’ That was what Roman had called Merlin. And this man, his eyes are just the same. Willing to do anything to win. To win what? He’s missing something big. Had Rukia had something important to him? Was she more than just a customer?

So far, Urahara has done nothing but help him. So Ichigo has no reason to distrust him.

“Alright. How do you plan on training me? With weapons? Or magic?”

“Shinigami call it Kidou,” he says helpfully, but Ichigo knew that already.  “And if you must know, I plan to restore your shinigami powers.”

“That’s not possible. Rukia’s powers are gone from me now. I can’t feel them anymore. It’s not cold like it used to be.”

“Cold? I see. So you could feel her zanpakuto the entire time. That’s quite impressive.”

Ichigo just shrugs. “If you say so. I was only a demi-shinigami, so it’s only natural that I can’t feel her power inside me anymore.”

“A demi-shinigami? I’ve never heard it called that before. Substitute is the proper term.”

“I don’t really give a shit. The point is, I don’t have those powers anymore, so there’s no way to ‘restore’ them.”

“That’s true. Perhaps I should have put it this way. ‘I will make you into a shinigami in your own right’. Without Rukia’s powers. Only your own.”

Ichigo freezes. Because what? How will that even work?

“My own power.” He repeats. He’s never-

The concept is so foreign. Never has he fought only with his own power. It’s always been someone else's. Mash’s, Cu’s, Medusa’s, and the dozen other servants that have fought at his side. Rukia’s power, snow through his veins.

To fight with just his own power… To go toe to toe with Byakuya and Renji using his own strength.

Is it even possible?

“Aren’t Shinigami dead?”

Urahara is strangely quiet.

“Yes. They are.”

“So for me to be a shinigami, you would have to kill me.”

“Yes.”

He’s honest, at least. “Give me a day to consider it.”

A day to talk to Waver, a day to try and summon his friends, a day to decide what he’s going to do. Because Servants run on Mana, life energy, and if he’s dead-

Will he ever see any of them again? Will he ever dream of Merlin again? Will he be able to keep his promise to him, and break him out of his prison at the end of time?

“Of course. Go to school, have some time alive. Then come back tomorrow, and give me your answer.” It sounds like Urahara thinks he already knows the answer. And maybe he does, but Ichigo needs a while.

He leaves an hour later, wrapped up like a mummy.

* *

Ichigo is a time traveler. He is in the middle of time travel right now. So, it shouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that alternate timelines, along with time travel, are a thing.

That doesn’t mean that he expects to be pulled into one in the middle of an already difficult singularity. He’s still not one hundred percent sure who is one his side, if anyone is besides the three he’s come with, but Nightingale seems to be willing to follow him, and Rama as well. And Liz is here, again, and as much trouble as she can be she’s still pretty reliable in a pinch. And Kyo was at his side now too.

So there’s a few people on his side, and he’s glad for them, but the american’s are a pain in the ass and the celts are trying to end the world, and he’s had a hard enough time falling asleep when an honest to god dragon appears before him (in his dream, he thinks) and whisks him off to a castle and a city and an alternate timeline where apparently Fuyuki never even happened and instead a bunch of giddy millenials (or whatever the fuck their names was) stole a grail and fought a saint and now inside the grail the war is starting again.

Which - what?

How is this even his life?

But the dragon turns into a human, and then there’s a sorta-centaur trying to teach them how to fight and Achilles is so. Very. Gay.

“A chariot isn’t meant for just one,” and a cocky smile and Ichigo is pretty sure he wants to punch him. But he takes his hand instead, stands at the head of the chariot with one arm buffering him on each side and they fly.

They’re lightning in the sky, all divinity and invincibility and power. They mow down the opposing faction like they’re cutting down grass instead of heroes from ages past and Ichigo knows at once that as soon as he can he needs to find a way to summon this hero.

Even if it meant dealing with bad flirting. And his weird aversion to fighting with women. And his stupid, cocky attitude.

Ichigo can work with a lot of things. Plenty of people (mainly Kiyohime) are already trying to get in his pants. What’s one more person? Especially such a powerful rider.

Powerful Rider.

And that puts mental images in his head that he did not need, thanks all the same. He can’t look at Achilles for a full three hours afterwards.

The dragon, Seig, turns out to be a homunculus, created by the Young Millennials or whatever as a sort of battery to power their mage craft. Which is beyond fucked up, and Ichigo privately vows to strangle any of the ones he meets.

On top of that, when he wakes up the next morning there’s a little kid at the edge of his bed, covered in scars, not wearing any proper clothes and calling him ‘mommy’ and Ichigo decides then and there that alternate universes are more trouble than they’re worth. This kid, he's met her before. Jack the Ripper, and she calls him 'mommy', again.

“I’m not even a girl damn it!”

But the kid’s persistent, and cute in a really creepy way, so Ichigo can’t really do anything besides constantly telling her not to call him ‘mommy’. But that works as well as trying to get anyone else to use his given name instead of ‘Master’.

They end up having a picnic in a garden hosted by a berserker and a Saber he’d met in london. There are a lot of people he'd met in London here. The little girl, Jack, the Saber, Mordred, and Fran too of course.

They didn’t recognize him. Why would they? These were memories of servants, and technically they’d never met Ichigo at all being from another timeline. And only existed in the dream he’d been having for like three days.

He was going to make his head hurt if he kept thinking of all this.

They fly to the Hanging Gardens, and take their owner onto their side. Ichigo is starting to get used to the idea of beating someone’s face in and them being his friend afterwards.

Together, they finally reach the center of the chaos. A mad man who had turned himself into a servant before being killed. Darnic Prestone Yggdamellenia. One of the people who had made and tried to kill Sieg. Ichigo has to fight not to strangle him when he offers to fulfill the wishes of all of his friends. Bribing them with what they want most, if they only surrender to him.

It’s Achilles who steps forwards.

“I hate to break it to you, but I’m gonna have to pass. I woudln’t really be a hero if I went along with you now, would I? We’re meant to live life to the fullest. If we stumble along the way, that doesn’t invalidate what happened before the fall, or after. And reproduction or now. Servant or not. As long as I’m still me…”

“I’m not doing anything a real hero wouldn’t do!”

Mordred scoffs at Ichigo’s right. “For once, you carrot looking weirdo, we’re on the same page.”

“Carrot looking weirdo?!”

“I can’t exactly say I got the cleanest hands around here, but there’s still no way I’d side with you! Even I’d feel gross going along with your plan, asshole.”

They each step up, one after the other. Denying their dreams, denying immortality, for the sake of staying true to themselves. What is a dream worth if you lose yourself along the way?

They fight. They fight against the castle, they fight against themselves, they fight against reproductions that will not quit spawning, one copy after the other until even Mordred is nearing exhaustion. But they do not falter, they do not stop.

And in the end, they are saved by a vampire. The Gardens collapse and the dream has to end, but before they leave, they say their goodbyes, their thanks.

Achilles even goes so far as to pull his orange sash off and drape it around Ichigo’s neck like a scarf that matches his hair.

“You know, it’s kind of nice,” he says, his smile half cocked. “Even though this is the end of our time together… When I was alive, I never could relax after a battle because I knew there was always going to be another one on the way right after. But now…”

“I’m satisfied. We won, and there’s no civilians around so we didn’t have to worry about massacres or any other atrocities. That’s nice. Oh, and Hektor’s not around! That’s good.”

Hektor. The one who’d shot him down.

“You must hate him, huh?”

“Not exactly,” Achilles frowns, “But if you ever summon us at the same time, I’ll find a way to get around it. We’ll work it out, we just have to think positive. But,” he shakes his head, “That’s not what I really want to say.”

“Then just spit it out already,” Ichigo orders. Achilles grins at him.

“I’m trying to say, I hope you summon me again. It’s been fun fighting alongside with you! So if you ever find yourself in a tight spot in Greece, just call for me and I’ll come running no matter when or where you are. And that’s a promise!”

Achilles grins at him, and disappears in a cloud of gold glitter.

When Ichigo wakes up, the scarf is still around his neck, and Kyo is staring at him like he’s grown a second head.

* * *

There’s a cat across the street from his house.

Not his house, but the house that is his and not his families. The one that is empty, and not meant to be lived in. It’s… hard, to be around his family. To be around people who don’t understand war and pain and loss and trying, trying, trying, and still losing so much even if you win in the end.

There’s a cat across the street from his house and a plain brown package on the doorstep.

Ichigo pauses, the keys in his hands, and turns to the cat. Pitch black, with gold eyes. It trots across the street towards him, neatly avoiding the only car coming along, and Ichigo kneels down in front of it. He offers his hand, and the creature gives him a dainty sniff.

It doesn’t have mana.

Any mana.

That is… not normal. No mana but reitsu. A soul in a body?

“Oh. Are you a familiar?” he runs his fingers along the crest of the cat’s head, scratching carefully behind the ears. “You’re not Wavers. Or anyone’s local. Are you from the Mage’s Association?”

Ichigo stands and moves to the house, picking up the box on his way in. The lock turns with a click and hums with magic before it let’s the door swing open.

“I hope this isn’t a bomb,” he says idly. “That would be a really sloppy way to assassinate someone, don’t you think?”

How mad must he look, standing on his doorstep and talking to a black cat.

To be fair, the cat seems to nod at him before making his (?) way into the house. A discrete glance and Ichigo changes his assessment. Probably a her cat. A lady cat? Did female cat’s have a particular name? Like a bitch or a cow or mare?

He shuts the door firmly behind him and makes his way into the kitchen, where he sets the package on the table. He puts a kettle on to boil water and pulls out a small carton of milk from the fridge for his impromptu guest.

Ichigo does not have a familiar. He had been lent Fou for a long, long time but he’d never had one of his own. They’re an extension of their master, an extra eye and ear and, Ichigo privately thinks, a way to battle off loneliness.

Mage’s are strange creatures.

Typically, they only have one or two children. An heir and a spare, no more. And even then, only the most promising of the two is taught the family mage craft and given their magic crest. Mage’s are viciously protective of their secrets and their magic, even amongst their peers, and Ichigo has seen the life as lonely.

Ichigo, contrarily, is a pack animal.

He’s no chatterbox. He’s not bubbly or outgoing or honestly all that talkative, but he thrives on other people being nearby. They give him purpose and drive, they strengthen him.

That might be why he’d clung so hard to Rukia Kuchiki.

She had given him power, yes. Power to fight on his own, power to save his family, and for that he would always be grateful. But she was also a warrior, a survivor, and something in her was jagged and fierce. She was a survivor, even if he didn’t know what of.

She was, just a little bit, like him. In a way that no one else he knew was.

Ichigo was alone.

He had his friends. He had his family but they didn’t understand, they couldn't understand.

They wouldn’t understand his sudden need to sit with the door in plain sight and the window’s far from his back. They wouldn’t understand the abrupt change in his priorities list, that put ‘survive’ on top of everything else when it used to be ‘take care of the girls’. They would not understand the sudden feeling of weightlessness that comes from stepping out from under the weight of the world for the first time in years and loss that came with that same victory.

He has no servants. He has no Romani, no Da Vinci. No Mash.

Ichigo is utterly alone.

He is alone, and Rukia had alleviate that in a way that even Chad, his best friend, his partner, couldn’t.

War has alienated Ichigo from the very people he fought in it to protect and doesn’t that just fucking figure?  

Ichigo stands in the kitchen, watching the cat finish her milk.

“I’m going to bed,” he announces. Maybe Merlin will have some ideas.

He completely forgets about the package that is hopefully not a bomb.

* * * *

Ichigo is getting sick of all of their potential allies trying to kill him at first.

It seems like every time they turn around someone wants them to ‘prove their worth’ or test them in battle or something equally annoying. It doesn’t help that this is scathach and the second she showed up Cu started acting like a totally different person.

And by that, he means he’s jumpy like a beaten dog and ramrod straight like a student on the shit list.

And, she can totally see Kyo.

Even if all she does is throw him a wink that had him bristling.

She’s… bewildering. She’s fierce and vicious and Ichigo is very glad she’s not the enemy. She’s one of the only people he’s seen that might be able to go head to head with Cu Alter and win. Instinct tells him that she’s dangerous, that she’s darkness in a way that threatens to draw him in. He can see, in the way they move, in the way they fight, how she might be Cu’s mentor.

The queen of the shadow lands, and doesn’t that have Kyo’s attention?

“That fool,” she looks to the east, “That pitiful fool. I’m sure he’s only this way because of the wicked queen’s wish. He found one thorn unbearable. To be covered in them must be torture. He must he out of his mind, burdened with a thousand.”

“But by paying that price, he has surpassed even me. They say an idiot without hesitation is strong, don’t they?”

A warm hand lands on Ichigo’s shoulder and he looks up, to his Cu, his faithful watchdog, his Caster. “All power has their price, Master. Think about the weight of a sword before you draw it.”

All Ichigo can do is nod. What is he meant to say to that? His heart hurts for the Cu so alike and so different from his owns suffering. He didn’t ask for his position anymore than Ichigo did. But, he will not hesitate when he has to fight him. He needs to win. He needs the grail.

If he doesn’t win, he’ll never see his friends again. He’ll never see his family. His father, his sisters. They’ll all be gone. And he won’t let that happen, no matter what kind of sympathy he might have for the enemy.

“Right. We should get moving soon. Before the enemy catches up with us.”

It still doesn’t sit quit right with him.

“You’re troubled,” Kyo notes, falling into step with him.

“Yeah,” Ichigo can’t deny that. “Each one of these wars gets more and more complicated, and each time the people we face are stronger. I feel like I’m trying to pull apart headphones from my pocket sometimes.”

“...excuse me?”

Ichigo ends up explaining to Kyo, and apparently to everyone else too, how headphones work, what a cell phone is, how they work (and honestly all he knows is there’s satellites and that brings about a whole other conversation) and by the time he’s exhausted his already limited understanding of radiowaves and electric currents they’re in the desert and Scathach wants him to fight a pack of wyverns off with his bare hands.

He (somehow) manages not to die, and he suddenly understands Cu’s attitude towards his teacher.

* * * * *

“Do you know-”

“I’m in a dream, Merlin,” Ichigo interrupts him before he can even get the full sentence out out, and the mage cocks a brow in question. Ichigo sits up and leans on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“My, your life never is dull. Why don’t you tell Merlin all about it?”

“...Are you going to start talking in third person if I do?”

“No. You’ll probably hit me.”

Ichigo manages a wan smile. “You know me so well.”

Ichigo does end up telling him what happened with Rukia. About almost winning but getting his ass kicked and his borrowed power ripped away. And Urahara’s offer to kill him.

“If I die, would I even be able to see you again?”

Merlin cocks his head. “Well. If you’re asking me what happens after you die, may I remind you that I am one of the least qualified individuals to answer that question, being an immortal. If you had more time I would suggest you make a trip to scotland, or even greece. Places where the afterlife have been reached in the past. But, I suppose that’s out of the question.”

“He said I have a month before she’s executed.”

“You’ve done more with less time. ”

“And significantly more backup.”

“True. You could always ask that Quincy boy to give you a crash course in your mother’s powers. Although…”

“What?” Ichigo narrows his eyes at him.

“This man said he can give you Shinigami powers. I doubt that they’re something that can just be taught. Like mage craft, I’ll bet it has to be inherited, or brought on by mutation. Perhaps it’s only a lingering spark from your little friend, but in any case, I don’t see why you’d need to die. You’ve projected your soul out of your body a half dozen times before.”

“This isn’t ray shifting. And even if it was, I don’t have Chaldea or a coffin to help me.”

“No. But I suspect that the answers are somewhere inside of you, instead of merely with this shady shopkeeper.”

“... like you have room to call anyone shady. “

Merlin laughs, a soft breath on the wind.

“No, I certainly don’t. “

He’s still staring at Ichigo.

“What?” It makes his skin crawl when Merlin does that. When he seems to read Ichigo like he’s a book. Easy to flip through and find the information he wants.

“That’s not all that troubles you, is it? I know you’re not afraid of dying, but you’re hesitating. You never do that. “

“It’s just like I said.” Ichigo draws one leg up to his chest. “If I die for real, I don’t know if I’ll ever see you, or any of the others again. I don’t have enough quartz to summon someone to help me, and if I let Urahara do what he wants, it might not matter. I can’t summon my friends if I don’t have any mana. “

“But if you don’t, another friend might die. Quite the dilemma. “

“You could stand to sound a little more torn up about it!”

“Huh? But I don’t even know the girl! Besides, you’re not exactly weeping yourself. “

Ichigos mouth shuts with a click and he looks away, his stomach turning. Merlin isn’t wrong. He’s not crying. He’s not even panicking.

“... Ichigo?”

“It’s. It’s pretty fucked up. But when she showed up I was relieved. For the whole tone between Chaldea and her I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the next disaster. Like I was gonna get a call saying there’s another singularity, or someone else was trying to end the world. Going to school? Eating dinner with my family? I just felt lost. I didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t even remember what I wanted to do when I graduated anymore.”

“But then Rukia came. And I fought hollows but they’re not strong enough to give me a real challenge. And then she was taken and everything is just-“

“Clicking into place. It’s horrible, but it’s been so long, I don’t remember how not to fight anymore. I don’t know how to not be at war. And this… this choice between life and death. This mission to save her. It’s almost comforting. Isn’t that fucked up?”

A warm hand cups his cheek. Long sleeves, heavy with the smell of gardenias, brush across his shoulder.

“Ichigo,” Merlin begins, his voice strangely genuine. “Whatever happens, I know that you’ll figure it out. And that eventually, you’ll find your place. You always have one more crazy idea, one more play, one more chance. Once you get your friend back, you’ll figure out how to be human again. Or, something close to it. In the meantime, you can always find me here. I can’t exactly leave.”

Ichigo is so struck by Merlin, if all people, being candid and complimenting him that he wakes up catching flies. But, he at least has an idea on what to do now.

* * * * * *

#bleach #bleach fanfiction #bleach/fate grand order #Kon bleach #Merlin Fate/Grand Order #urahara kisuke #Ichigo Kurosaki #BAMF!Ichigo Kurosaki #Ichigo Kurosaki is Ritsuka Fujimaru #Urahra Kisuke #Achilles #Achilles Fate

[darisu-chan]

Waiting

Yo! I’m back with more prompts from last year.

Hope you all enjoy it!

You can also read it here.

Prompt: summer

Summary: After not being able to answer to her confession, Ichigo waits all summer for Rukia to come back.

Ichigo sighed for what felt like the hundredth time in just an hour. It wasn’t uncommon for the teenage boy to be moody, but even then he rarely sighed. In fact, so far, he had been in a better mood than usual. It wasn’t strange to see him smiling these days, sight which would have been rare only a few months prior. Certainly something had changed in his life that had contributed to his overall happiness. His family had a good inclination on what exactly had happened, though they had ultimately decided not to mention anything, least they, somehow, ruined the teen’s good humor. However, looking at how pitiful he seemed, his happiness had been tarnished anyway.

“Hey, Ichigo, are you alright?” Isshin, the boy’s father, had been worried about his son the whole dinner. He hadn’t smiled to his sisters, complained about Isshin’s antics, nor had he punched him in the face, just nothing. And he had been particularly obnoxious too! He hadn’t even been able to cry to Masaki’s poster once! That normally occurred at least twice before eight pm. Just what was going on with his son?

The boy simply shrugged, and instead of complaining his father was being nosy, he merely said, “Nothing.”

Father and daughters exchanged an incredulous look, at a loss on what to do. Yuzu, the youngest sister, decided to try next, believing her beloved older brother would certainly show her any kind of reaction.

“Is the food not to your liking, onii-chan?” She asked him, using her best cutesy tone of voice, as well as staring at him with puppy eyes, which would usually do the trick.

“It’s good.” Was his reply. He hadn’t even turned to look at her! He hadn’t eaten either. He had just played with his food ever since he sat down on the dining table. This worried his sister, who knew that her brother, though not a glutton, had a healthy appetite. It meant that whatever was going on was more complicated than they had previously thought. Helplessly, Yuzu turned to look at her twin sister.

Karin, who in many ways was like her older brother, sighed heavily. Alright. It seemed it was time to take out the big guns, she thought. Nodding to her sister, she turned towards Ichigo and gave him her cockiest smirk, one that would surely piss him off.

“What? Cat got your tongue, Ichi-nii?” No response. “Or was it something else?” She wondered, the smirk never leaving her face.

“Karin-chan.” Yuzu warned her, but her plan was already in motion. There was no time to stop it now.

“Or, maybe, it was someone, right?”

That at least got them a reaction. Ichigo had stiffened immediately upon listening to her words. Yet, he hadn’t looked at her even once.

It was finally time to strike.

“Sooo,” she drawled out the syllable, “are you gonna tell us what Rukia-chan did to you or what?”

Karin hadn’t even finished speaking when her brother got up and left towards his room, slamming the door for good measure. The three which were left flinched when they heard the door slamming. Then, Yuzu turned to look at her twin and glared at her.

“Now you’ve done it.”

The other girl rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. But now we know what’s the problem. It’s obviously Rukia-chan.” That was something the family had inferred from the very beginning, but they had needed a confirmation of sorts.

Yuzu gasped at that. “Do you think onii-chan confessed to her and Rukia-chan rejected him?”

“I dunno. Could be.” The other sister answered, trying to not sound disappointed.

Isshin, then, dramatically stood up and rushed towards his late wife’s poster.

“Masaki!” He wailed, tears streaming down his face. “Our idiot son failed to get our third daughter! Now he’ll never be a man and we won’t have grandchildren! Oh, for shame! And he’s also gonna die a vir─”

Before he could go on with his rant, Karin punched him on the face, letting him fall to the floor with a loud plop.

“Glad you’ve got your priorities straight, old man.” She muttered as she crossed her arms, fed up with her father already.

“Masaki! Now our daughter is being mean to her father! Where did I fail, Masaki?! Please tell me!”

Yuzu ignored them, for she was already used to their behavior. Instead, she thought long and hard about the situation.

“What should we do? Should we go and talk to Rukia-chan?” In her highly romantic mind, there was no good reason why Rukia, her brother’s closest female friend, would reject Ichigo. They were simply meant to be, and if the girl couldn’t see it, then Yuzu would show her exactly how special her brother truly was!

However, Karin didn’t agree with that way of thinking. “It’s best if we don’t get in the middle of whatever’s going on. Ichi-nii’s old enough to handle it… I think.”

“Well said, Karin!” Isshin had finally stopped crying, and was up and about with a full energy. “If Ichigo can’t get the girl he likes, he’s not man enough!”

“Never mind the fact that Rukia-chan also has the right to choose.” She grumbled.

“Yes, well, but if we let her choose, she might go for another boy, like that guy with tattoos she frequents.” The father answered. “Now that I think about it, there are many better guys out there. No, we must not let Rukia-chan choose or she’ll never go for your brother!”

“You’re so mean, dad!” Yuzu complained this time. “Onii-chan is quite a catch!”

“Exactly.” Karin nodded. “If Rukia-chan’s not fast enough, another girl’s gonna swoop in and get him, like Orihime-chan or Tatsuki-chan.”

“No.” Yuzu shook her head. “Tatsuki-chan’s more like a guy friend for onii-chan. And I don’t think Orihime-chan’s his type. Rukia-chan’s feminine and headstrong at the same time. Therefore, she’s the best girl for onii-chan. Exactly his type!” She explained matter-of-factly.

“Precisely, Yuzu! That’s just the type of woman the men in my family are attracted to! Why, if I was a few years younger, I’d─”

“Dad, if you don’t want me to punch you again, please stop talking.”

“Don’t be so mean to your poor old father, Karin!”

Before their argument could carry on, another voice could be heard throughout the house.

“Could you guys shut up for one second?! You’re too loud!” It was Ichigo, who had been listening to his family talk about him for the past fifteen minutes or so.

“Sorry, onii-chan!” Yuzu shouted back, feeling slightly ashamed for discussing her brother’s love life behind his back.

“Anyway, I guess it’s best if we wait until his bad mood goes away.” Karin replied to the unspoken question of what they could do next.

Isshin sighed. “I’m gonna go pray to our ancestors. Otherwise, I might really not get grandchildren.”

“You do realize Yuzu and I could still get married, right?”

“No! You’re my babies and no man will ever touch you! I forbid it!”

“Ew gross.”

“Daddy, stop it!”

***

In the privacy of his own room, Ichigo muffled a groan against his pillow. Why did his family have to be so meddlesome? It was bad enough they were talking about him behind his back, but now they were talking about Rukia too! That was both embarrassing and unacceptable. Especially since they had gotten it all wrong. What had happened hadn’t been her fault at all. If anything, he was the one to blame, as he had been the one to hurt her when all she had ever done was wear her heart on her sleeve and say those words which had turned his world upside down. If anything, he was the one who needed to be haunted down and hit square in the face for being such a damn fool! Well, that would probably end up happening once Byakuya found out about what exactly he had done to his precious younger sister. Ichigo was not looking for that ass whooping, and yet he knew it would probably hurt less than what he was feeling at the moment.

The girl of his dreams had confessed to him, and Ichigo, like the idiot he was, hadn’t said anything. He had just let her walk away to never be seen again.

Alright. That was an exaggeration. Admittedly, Rukia had confessed to him on the last day of school before the summer holidays. Apparently, she was going on a trip with her brother and would be back until the weekend before classes started again. She had wanted to get her feelings off of her chest, as they wouldn’t be seeing each other for months. Admittedly, a part of Ichigo felt she had been unfair, springing those feelings on him and then walking away. Even going to her house had been off the table because, as luck would have it, she was supposed to get on a train that very afternoon. However, a larger part of him blamed no one but himself. It was really no secret among their friends and relatives that feelings were brewing between them. On the first week of classes, after meeting each other, rumors had spread about them hooking up, which was very far from the truth as they couldn’t really stand each other at first, and only spent so much time together because Ochi-sensei had paired them up for a project on the first day of school. Ironically, the experience had made them become friends, and even as they befriended the rest of the class, it wasn’t unusual to see him hanging out with Rukia. Next to Chad, she was his closest friend. That was a problem in and on itself. Kuchiki Rukia was special to him in ways Ichigo couldn’t begin to describe. It hadn’t gone unnoticed, of course, as not only his family but Kuchiki Byakuya himself had pointedly asked them about it, his tone of voice suggesting he knew more about their relationship than even they did. Mutual friends made it their daily task to pester them about it. Each and every time they denied it, but Ichigo new deep inside him that it wasn’t the truth. As strange as it sounded, in the few months they had known each other, Rukia had become an integral part of his life, one that he wasn’t willing to lose. That was why the moment those pesky feelings had appeared, he had tried with all his might to push them away. He had truly believed they were unrequited, and hadn’t been able to bear the thought of Rukia finding out and rejecting him, thus destroying their friendship. It was upsetting to think that what had happened instead was that she had been the one to confess to him, and he had been the one to not say anything.

Guilt gnawed at him. One of the reasons he hadn’t even thought about asking Rukia out was that being rejected would hurt like a bitch. Now he had subjected her to that pain he had tried so hard to spare himself from. Coward, his mind called him on a loop. If only he had said something, anything, they wouldn’t be in this situation. Ichigo wondered how she was faring. He knew for a fact Rukia hadn’t really wanted to accompany her brother, but it had been her responsibility to oversee with him their company’s new businesses. It probably sucked even more as she was probably feeling like shit right now. Fuck! What if she was currently blinking away tears, thinking about him? It had only been a day after all, and the pain would still be fresh. Wait! Did that mean he had made her cry? Double fuck! Oh no! He was definitely so screwed! If he had made Rukia cry, never mind the injuries Byakuya would give him, Ichigo would throw himself out of a window or commit seppuku or anything that would restore his honor. He wasn’t even exaggerating.

But what if Rukia had believed she’d be rejected? She had told him on the very last day of the spring semester, knowing she’d be going away. It certainly wouldn’t made the pain hurt any less, yet, it would mean he had just, inadvertently, given her enough peace of mind to move on. The thought made Ichigo blanch. Rukia was a very beautiful girl ─ not that he would ever tell her, but he’d be a goddamn idiot not to have noticed. It was highly probable other guys would like her. Hell, just in their class alone she had more than one admirer. What if she met someone new? Someone who came from a rich and honorable family like she did, someone more up to Byakuya’s standards? Or what if Renji swooped in? It hadn’t been a stretch when his father had believed Rukia was seeing Renji, as they did spend time together, being childhood friends and all. It wasn’t a secret that the guy harbored such feelings for Rukia. She probably wasn’t even aware, but now with Ichigo apparently out of the picture, nothing was stopping Renji for doing what he himself had failed to do. He could see it now, Renji taking her out, maybe to the park, and bringing her flowers (lilies, her favorite), dropping on one knee and confessing his undying love towards her. His treacherous mind supplied pictures of the two of them, making him gag.

He was the worst!

He had had the purest, most gorgeous girl ever declaring her love for him, and he had blown it! Due to what? The shock? Fear? His brain rebooting? Excuses, all of them! The only thing Ichigo had left was wait until the end of summer, and make some sort of gesture to convince Rukia he was madly in love with her, hoping against hope she wouldn’t reject him.

Yep, that would have to do.

Ichigo cursed and muffled another groan.

Summer couldn’t end fast enough.

***

“Kurosaki.”

“Hey, Kurosaki, I’m talking to you.”

“Kurosaki!”

Ichigo blinked and turned to look at the boy beside him. “What?” He drawled out, blinking owlishly.

“I’ve been talking to you for the last five minutes, and you’ve been unresponsive. What in the world is going on?”

Ishida Uryuu was probably the closest thing to a brother he had. He was his cousin on his mother’s side, and although he had other cousins from his father’s side of the family, he and Uryuu had grown up together, as they were of the same age. Over the years, they had developed a sort of rivalry which resulted on them calling each other by their last names. However, his cousin was one of the few people who knew him inside out. Ishida had probably guessed already that there was something wrong with him, so there wasn’t any use in lying.

“Nothing.”

It didn’t mean he couldn’t try, though.

Ishida sighed in exasperation and put their books away. He had invited Ichigo to his apartment in order to finish their summer homework early on. As he had some trouble in a few of their classes and Ishida was a complete nerd, Ichigo had accepted. The original plan was to go over their homework, eat some takeout, and, if there was time, they would play videogames. Although he had gone with high spirits, he hadn’t been able to focus so far, and it was clear his cousin had gotten already fed up with his moping.

“Look, you can try to lie to me all you want, but you and I know I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

It was the truth, Uryuu was remarkably persistent.

Still, Ichigo did not answer. He merely went back to the algebra problem he had been trying to solve for the past fifteen minutes or so.

“Is this about Kuchiki-san?” Ishida tried again. Bingo he thought when Ichigo flinched. “Because if so, you have nothing to worry about. She’s going to come back soon enough.”

Cursing his treacherous body for reacting to her name, Ichigo shook his head. “It’s not about her.”

“Really now.” Ishida muttered dryly. “So who’s got you in such a mood? Maybe your father has finally decided to make you speed date in hopes of getting a grandchild.”

He snorted. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Then what is it?” His cousin questioned. “And don’t tell me nothing again, Kurosaki. I have no patience today.”

Ichigo, then, realized he had two options. He either lied again and hoped Ishida would drop it, or he took a chance and talk about his feelings for the first time.

“I’m just scared that I blew it.”

“With who? Kuchiki-san?”

“Well… yeah.”

Ishida gave him an incredulous look and then scoffed. “I think it’s impossible you’d blow up your chances with her. For some odd reason, Kuchiki-san’s smitten with you.”

That got him raising an eyebrow. “Jealous, Ishida?”

“Not of whatever you’re thinking of.” Uryuu answered honestly. “Although Kuchiki-san’s very pretty and whatnot, I value her as a friend. Only.” He said very pointedly. “But I’ll admit I envy the bond you’ve got with her. It’s one of a kind and I wish I had something like that.” After saying those words, he blushed, probably recalling a certain orange-haired girl they both knew. Coughing, Ishida went back on track. “Which is why I doubt you could ever do something that would make Kuchiki-san dislike you.”

Oh, if only his cousin knew!

“What about accidentally rejecting her?”

Ishida blinked at him. “How the hell would you manage to do something like that?”

“By not answering to her confession?”

Ishida groaned. “Useless. You’re useless.”

“Thanks. Like I didn’t know that.” Ichigo replied sarcastically.

“I just can’t understand how you couldn’t say anything when the girl you like confesses to you. Are you daft? Do you know how many would kill to be in your position?”

“I panicked, okay?!” He yelled, not wanting to keep getting scolded. “I didn’t see it coming, and when my mind worked again, she was long gone!”

Once he had realized Rukia wasn’t inside the empty classroom anymore, Ichigo had rushed outside, running through the corridors, trying to reach her. However, when he had reached the school gate, she was already inside her brother’s limo, being whisked away to the train station.

Ishida tsked. “Well, have you at least texted her?”

Ichigo shook his head.

“Kurosaki!”

“It’s just this kind of things should be told in person, y’know?” His cheeks turned red as he talked.

“You’re surprisingly romantic for a brute.”

“Gee, thanks, cuz. What would I do without ya?”

“Enough. We can still salvage this.”

“We?”

“I’ll grace you with my help, just this once, and only because, frankly, I’d only be able to put up with Kuchiki-san as my cousin, and I can’t be sure you’d choose someone as great as her next time.”

“Now, who sounds like he’s in love with Rukia?”

Ishida rolled his eyes. “You know it’s not like that.”

“Oh, I know, ‘cause you like Ino─”

“Shut up!” Completely and utterly flushed, Uryuu reached out and covered Ichigo’s mouth with his hand. Then, taking calming breaths, he moved aside. “Anyway, what you need to do is text her the day she comes back, asking her if you two can talk, then you’re gonna take her somewhere romantic and drop on your knees, begging her to take you, is that clear?”

“Yeah, I’d figured out as much. What I still need to think about is the place and the grand gesture.”

Ishida pondered on this for a moment. “You need a place which is both romantic yet private… Oh, I know! What about the river bank close to your house? At sunset it must be quite a sight.”

Ichigo nodded, pleased. “Great idea.”

“And as for the gesture… what about flowers?”

“Too cliché. Rukia wouldn’t like that…”

“What about giving her a letter? You’re much better at writing than talking, and we can’t have you becoming speechless again.”

He would have hit his cousin for that comment, but it was actually a pretty good idea. Ichigo let Ishida know, and the boy nodded, pleased with himself.

“Now all it’s left is for you to get on writing that letter and wait for the rest of summer to end.”

He sighed loudly at that.

“Now, let’s finish our homework. I don’t want to get behind on account of your girl problems.”

***

“Ichigo! Aren’t you having fun?!” Keigo exclaimed rather loudly.

As a matter of fact, he was not, but it wasn’t as if he could ever tell his friend that. They had been planning this outing since before classes ended, and Ichigo didn’t want to be the one to ruin it. And it was not as if it wasn’t a fun event. Summer festivals, even with the crowds and the way vendors would scam the general public on their booths, were highly entertaining. The fireworks were something to look forward to, and the food was good, while the company was even better. His friends were all there and Keigo hadn’t been pestering too much. In any other occasion, he would have enjoyed himself. Unfortunately, his mind was plagued with images of black hair and violet eyes, which didn’t let him focus on anything else.

“Yeah… I am.” He said, trying to smile, but obviously he didn’t do a good job as his friends didn’t buy it.

“Kurosaki-kun, are you feeling sick?” Inoue asked him, her tone worried.

The rest also stopped what they were doing to look at him.

“Yeah, Ichigo, you looked kinda pale.” Tatsuki assed.

He waved them off. “I’m fine… So, what’s next?”

Not wanting to argue with him just in case that would set him off somehow, his friends kept walking, moving to the next booth. Ichigo felt bad about the whole situation. He truly was trying to enjoy himself, yet he was having what Ishida would refer to as Rukia-withdrawals. She had been gone for a few weeks now, and she hadn’t called him nor texted him. To be fair, he hadn’t tried to either, but the lack of communication was slowly killing him. The more time passed, the more he worried his cousin was wrong and that Rukia wouldn’t take him back or even hear him out. His heart clenched with pain just by thinking about it. On the other hand, he knew there wasn’t much he could do at the moment other than trying to enjoy his summer. Rukia would, probably, not want him to wallow in self-pity. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to feel excited about anything.

It was funny, really. Ever since his mother passed away, Ichigo hadn’t felt the right to just be happy. Until Rukia wormed her way into his life and heart, that is. He hadn’t felt alive, like he could breathe in piece, until he had met her. It was like he actually mattered. Like he had a place in this world and he wasn’t just getting by. But without her, or, more specifically, without her reassurance, Ichigo was a lost cause. It was hard to admit, but he didn’t know what to do with himself now that she was gone. Probably the only thing keeping him from being out of wits was the fact he knew Rukia would be back, eventually. He thought to himself that, if she ever left without knowing if she’d ever come, he would more than likely lose his mind.

“The fireworks are about to start!”

“Everyone, let’s move back there!”

“Yeah, the view’s good over there!”

Ichigo followed his friends, just going through the motions. They all sat down on the outskirts of the festival. His friends were clearly excited about the event. Keigo kept whooping, Mizuiro was taking pictures with his cellphone, and even Tatsuki looked relaxed. He walked away from them, though, wanting to sit by himself. He felt as if he couldn’t share their joy at the moment. Ignoring Ishida’s worried glances, he settled down as far away as he could. A noise suddenly alerted him to another presence. Glancing up, he saw Chad sitting down next to him. For a moment, neither spoke a word, merely enjoying the fireworks as they eclipsed the night sky. One that wasn’t blue but not quite violet either caught his eye. The lights looked like Rukia’s eyes.

“You know, summer’s ending fast.”

That was all that Chad said. Ichigo smiled at him.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

They fell silent again, merely enjoying the moment.

It was all they needed.

Ichigo hadn’t really thought about it, but fireworks truly lit up the sky. Where once was a bleak nothingness, now there were millions of colors dancing against the darkness, twinkling like stars. Somehow, the view was comforting.

“Before the holidays are over, let’s hang out again.” Ichigo found himself saying.

“Ah.”

“Let’s invite the rest too.”

“I’m free next week.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

As summer faded away, his resolve only strengthened.

Even if he wished for it to end soon, Ichigo decided to stop feeling bad for himself and start living once more.

Rukia would never forgive him if he didn’t, after all.

***

“What’s up, Ichigo?” Isshin asked his son, plopping next to him on the couch.

“Nothing. Just finishing up this level.”

In an effort to be a little more social, Ichigo had moved his videogame console from his room to the living room. There, he could play with Karin, while Yuzu eagerly cheered them on. Today, though, both girls were out. Karin was out playing soccer with her friends, while Yuzu had gone out shopping with her own friends to a new store which had just opened. That left the two men of the house by themselves.

“Slow day at the clinic?” Ichigo suddenly asked.

It wasn’t every day he would be the first to start a conversation with his father, so Isshin was a bit perplexed. He quickly recovered and smiled at him, even if his son was still focused on the screen. “Yeah, kinda. With everyone out of town, few people are getting hurt.”

“Well that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Not for our business, no! I wish more people got hurt so I could cure them and charge them!”

“Tch. You don’t even accept all the money anyway.” He muttered as he blasted more robots.

They grew silent as Isshin contemplated his next move. There were things he wanted to tell his son about, but he didn’t know how to. Ultimately, he decided on a roundabout approach.

“I see you’ve been very intent on playing this game lately.” He said, gesturing to the controller on Ichigo’s hand.

“Yeah, I wanna beat it before school starts again.”

“Right.” Mulling over his words, he tried again. “What about your homework, though?”

“Ishida made me finish it on the first week.”

“Ah, Uryuu-kun’s always been a diligent one.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Silence fell over them once again. Soon, the screen changed and the words “You Win!” appeared on a bright green color. With the pushing some buttons, the screen was back to black. Putting his controller away, Ichigo turned to look at his father.

“Alright, what do you wanna talk about?”

“What?” Isshin blinked at him.

“You’re sitting here.” His son answered, gesturing towards the coach. “That means you wanna tell me something, don’t you?”

The father laughed. “Nothing escapes you, huh?”

Ichigo scratched the back of his neck. “I guess… So…?”

“Did I ever tell you about the time I started dating your mother?”

That picked his interest. Moving to sit closer to his father, he shook his head. “No. I don’t think you ever did.”

“We met when she was a third year in high school and I was a freshman in college. To be honest, we met by accident, when she pushed me away from a moving car which almost ran me over. I was too dumbstruck by her to tell her anything cool, but somehow she still befriended me.”

“Huh.” Ichigo muttered. “You never told us that story.”

“Well, I didn’t want my own children to think I was uncool.”

“Too late. We already think that.”

He chuckled. “Masaki didn’t think I was cool either. No wonder it took years for us to start dating.”

“Wait, what?” The son gaped at him, dumbfounded. “I thought you said it was love at first sight!” He accused his father.

“For me it was. For your mother… not so much. She believed I was an idiot, and I guess she wasn’t mistaken.” He grimaced at that.

“Yeah, no shit.”

Ignoring Ichigo’s commentary, he continued on with the story. “Still, she wanted to be my friend. I guess she realized how lonely I felt living in a new town, feeling severely out of place. Much to Ryuken’s chagrin, she visited me often and invited me to hang out with her. And I was happy because I’d never had a friend like her. When I was with her, for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged.”

“Yeah… I know that feeling.”

Isshin smiled softly at him. “Your mother, Ichigo, was like the sun. Anywhere she went, she brightened the whole place. It was difficult not to love her, y’know. Ever since I met her, my whole life revolved around her. And I continuously worried about her not being by my side. I thought I might die. That’s what I was afraid of confessing my true feelings for her. I feared she wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore, ‘cause no way in hell a woman like her would like a dork like me. So I let time pass by, and until I had finally set up my own clinic, did I feel like I was man enough to confess to her.” He paused to observe his son’s reactions. The boy seemed very interested in what he wanted to say. “Do you know what she told me when I finally asked her out on a date?”

Ichigo shook his head no.

“Took you long enough.”

The son laughed. “Sounds like mom.”

“Yeah, you’ve got that from her. Always making fun of me. That and your hair, your eyes, your ability to unite people. That’s all her.” He spoke fondly. “Sadly, you got your cowardice from me.”

“Hey!” Ichigo exclaimed, offended.

“When I see you dancing around your feelings for Rukia-chan, I see myself a few years ago.”

“A few years? More like over twenty years ago.” He grumbled.

“My point is don’t waste your time feeling scared. If I had known your mother would be taken from us so soon, I would’ve told her sooner. I would’ve cherished every waking moment with her. I didn’t get the chance, but that doesn’t mean you throw away your shot.”

Ichigo sighed. “I feel like I already did.”

That intrigued Isshin. “What do you mean?”

“Well, before summer vacations, Rukia confessed to me.”

“Really?! And what did you say?!”

“I… didn’t.”

“What?” He blurted out.

“I didn’t say anything, okay?!” Ichigo groaned. “I froze like an idiot and she just slipped away.”

“So that’s why you’ve been grumpy all summer? Well, grumpier than usual.”

“Pretty much.”

That explained everything. Isshin had feared Rukia had rejected him, but this changed everything. It did mean his son had a chance, however slim it seemed.

“Do you know what you gotta do?”

“I mean, I’ve got a plan. I just… I don’t know what to tell her.”

Isshin patted his shoulder. “Son, just be honest with your feelings. I’m sure Rukia-chan will understand.”

“I hope so. I wouldn’t hold it against her if she moved on, though.”

The father shook his head. “She won’t be able to even if she tries. Believe me, I know. People like you and your mom are hard to forget.” He winked at him.

Ichigo smiled. “I guess all that’s left to do is for her to come back, so I can answer her properly.”

“Yeah, and then she’s gonna give you all the smooches you want! Remember to use protection. I know I joke about being a grandfather a lot, but I’m too young for that. And if you want more romantic advice, you can always come to me! I know more than one thing to please the ladies.”

“Dad!"

***

Summer had finally come to an end, which meant it was time for Rukia to come back. Ichigo had been a jittery mess once the final week of the holidays arrived. He had been counting the days until Rukia would get to Karakura. As the date grew closer, the more anxious he became. He had the letter all written down and, after having Ishida read it (which was embarrassing to say the least) everything was set. The only thing that was missing was having Rukia meet him at the river bank. At first, he had thought on making the girls to tell her to meet them there, but that involved getting more people meddling in his very personal affairs. Ishida refused to help him out on that particular detail of his plan, and it would be too weird if either Chad, his sisters or, god forbid, his father of all people asked Rukia to meet them there. No. The only way this could work was if he asked her himself. On the Friday that she was supposed to arrive, Ichigo bit the bullet and sent her a text.

Hey! How was the trip back?

Though a little impersonal, Ichigo hoped it’d show that he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable or anything. It seemed to do the trick, as she answered almost immediately.

Tiring but I’m just glad to be back home

That’s great

Yeah I know (=^_^=)

Taking a deep breath, he began typing his question. He erased it multiple times, but he eventually hit send.

Hey I wanted 2 know if you’d like to meet me at the river bank tomorrow

He waited for what felt like an eternity but was in reality a few seconds.

Sure

At what time?

6?

Okay. See you there!

Yeah! See you

On Saturday, Ichigo woke up early. He took a long shower and then went downstairs to make breakfast for his family. Yuzu was thoroughly surprised but altogether pleased. He also offered to accompany her to do some grocery shopping later that day. His younger sister easily agreed. He also went out and showed Karin some soccer tricks. The girl was taken aback by his offer, given the fact it had been a while since the two had played together. Both girls looked at each other, trying to find an explanation for their brother’s good mood. Isshin, for his part, seemed more amused than anything. He kept sending his son playful looks, knowing exactly what was going to happen that day.

After lunch, Ichigo went back to his room and took out the clothes he had set aside for the day. It wasn’t much, but he thought a pair of dark jeans, a black tank top and a red shirt would do the trick. He put on cologne and made sure he had shaved properly. Finally, he took out the letter he had written and put it inside a blue envelope. With one last look on the mirror, he went out of his room and down the stairs.

“I’m going out. See you later!” He waved goodbye to his family, an easy smile replacing his regular frown.

“Alright, what’s up with Ichi-nii?” Karin asked the moment her brother was out of the door.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Isshin replied, trying to keep his giggles in check.

His daughters didn’t believe him one bit.

“Something must’ve happened to make onii-chan act so… happy.” Yuzu said.

“Yeah! And you must know, so fess up, dad!”

Isshin let himself chuckle. “I can’t tell you much, just know that if everything goes well, you’re gonna have a new sister-in-law.”

The sisters grinned at each other.

“You can do it, onii-chan!”

Meanwhile, Ichigo was a nervous wreck. He had arrived fifteen minutes early, and as time went on, his worries increased. Millions of doubts circled around his mind. What if it was too late? What if Rukia rejected him? What if she had truly moved on? Or, worse, what if she didn’t even come? He began pacing and he was sure he would have dug a hole on the grass if Rukia hadn’t arrived exactly fifteen minutes later, at five o’clock.

“Hey, Ichigo!”

Turning around, he finally got a good look at her after so many weeks.

God! Was it even possible that she had gotten even more beautiful from the last time he had seen her? Her black hair moved with the wind and her eyes seemed to sparkle under the sunlight. The blue dress she was wearing only made her eyes and soft-looking skin pop up even more. And don’t get him started on her lips! They looked specially plump and pink. He briefly wondered what it would be like to kiss them.

“Hey.” He said lamely once she was standing in front of him. “How… how was your trip?”

“Boring.” She deadpanned. “I’m happy to be back, though I didn’t enjoy my vacations.”

“Right.” He replied, feeling his mouth go dry.

“And what about you? Did you have fun?” So Rukia was trying to make it seem as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened between them. However, Ichigo didn’t have it in him to pretend any longer.

“Well, not most of the time.”

That confused her. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just that… I had to think about something.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Reaching into his pocket, he took out the letter and gave it to her. “This is for you. Sorry that I didn’t say anything, I just thought it’d be better this way.”

Rukia’s eyes widened and with shaking hands she took the letter. “Ichigo… I…”

“Don’t say anything. Just read it. It’ll explain everything.”

Nodding, she opened the envelope. Carefully, she took the letter out and began reading.

Dear Rukia,

Writing this is harder than I thought, but there really is no other way for me to say this. But before all that, first let me apologize for not giving you a proper answer. For some reason, which Ishida refers to as my idiocy, I got stunned and couldn’t say anything. I know. How uncool of me. No need to remind me. Then, in the blink of an eye you were gone, which makes me think you really didn’t want to wait for my answer. That or I froze up for longer than I thought. You’re gonna have to tell me which is the true reason you seemingly left so quickly.

Yeah, I know you probably don’t want to read my ramblings and want to get straight to the point. It ain’t happening. I spent weeks Rukia, weeks, trying to come up with something to say to you, as I kept imagining worst case scenarios, like you wouldn’t even want to talk to me again, much less see me. I’m not even sure you’re gonna read this later. That’s how bad it is! I was miserable. Like you’ve got no idea. I felt shitty for letting you go just like that, and all I wanted was for summer to be done already so I could see you again.

But do you know what was worse than the uncertainty? It was not being able to hang out with my best friend. I was afraid to text you, much less call you. Every day I found more things that I wanted to tell you about. I wanted to know how you were doing, if the meetings were as boring as they sounded, if Byakuya still had a stick up his ass, and so on. I missed you terribly. More than I thought it was possible to miss someone. I now realize I took you for granted, and I don’t want a repeat of that ever again. Basically, this is me telling you that next time Byakuya decides to take you away for more than a couple of weeks, I’m literally gonna fight him, Rukia. This is no joke. I’m gonna throw hands at him to get you a responsibilities-free holiday. Fat chance I’m gonna let him take you away this winter break too! And don’t try to argue with me on this. I’ve got my mind set and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Now, on the topic at hand, before telling you anything, let me tell you that, whatever happens, nothing will change for me. You’ll still be my best friend. Forever and always. ‘Cause there’s really no one like you, Rukia. You’re one of a kind and I’m lucky to be your friend. I’m even luckier to be the person you like (if as of the moment you get this letter you still feel this way, that is).

So, before going away on the first day of summer, you told me you wanted to talk to me. You told me that, try as you might, you couldn’t let go of these feelings. You said you liked me. And that was probably the happiest day of my life. I’m sorry that I went ahead and ruined the whole thing. And although you didn’t really ask me anything, it was a confession nonetheless and I feel like you need a proper answer.

Rukia, I like you.

I don’t know if I started falling for you the moment we met, but I know it was pretty soon in our relationship. Somewhere, somehow, in the middle of all the bickering, the petty fights, the laughter and the heart-to-hearts, I fell in love with you and, honestly, I don’t think there’s a way back. Before I met you, I didn’t know what I was doing. It was like I was in a limbo. But you helped give me a purpose. You’re, quite literally, my ray of light, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Probably lose my damn mind. See the effect you have on me?

I’m not sure if by the time you read this letter you’ll still like me. I’m aware that there are many guys out there who’re a million times better than I am. I’m quick-tempered, foul-mouthed and a brute (that last part was added by Ishida). But I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life cherishing every waking moment I get to live with you, because, goddamnit, I’d be damned if I let this chance slip away.

So, if you still feel the same way, awesome!

If not… well, I’d still like to be your friend. You’re gonna be pretty fucking difficult to forget, but I’ll try to do my best.

Now I’ve got a question for you.

Rukia

Would you like to go out with me? Like, on a real date?

I was thinking laser-tag and then eating at that ramen stand you like, ‘cause dinner and a movie is way too cliché for us.

I’ll be waiting for your answer.

─Ichigo

P.S. What exactly is the color of your eyes? I’ve been trying to describe them on a poetic way, but I can’t get it right.

When Rukia finished reading the letter, she had tears streaming down her face. Ichigo instantly panicked and attempted to comfort her, but she simply raised her hand to stop him.

“Four things, Ichigo.” She muttered. Holding up one finger, she said, “My eye color changes with the lighting. Sometimes it’s more blue, others more violet. Both are fine.”

“Thought so.” He replied.

“Two.” She said, holding up a second finger. “You’re also my best friend and nothing in the world will change that, you hear?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Three.” She held up a third finger. “I didn’t want to listen to your answer ‘cause I thought the feeling wasn’t mutual. When you froze up, I thought I had fucked up and that’s why I left so quickly.”

“Next time, hit me in the stomach or throw water at me. That’ll do the trick.”

“Duly noted.”

Taking a deep breath, Rukia continued. “And four… like hell I’d stop liking you in one summer, Kurosaki Ichigo. I’m not sure you know but you’re pretty damn difficult to forget. There’s no one like you.”

He chuckled at that, his own eyes filling with tears. “Thanks, you too.”

She snorted. “Is that the best you can say?”

“For the moment, yes. Bu aren’t you forgetting something?

Rukia considered it for a moment and then smiled devilishly. “Y’know, I should probably wait like a whole month before I get back to you on that last point.”

“You minx.” Ichigo grumbled.

She grinned at him as she walked closer to him until their chest were touching. Grabbing his shirt and standing on her tiptoes, Rukia kissed him fully on the lips. Ichigo closed his eyes and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her even closer to him. It was everything he had ever wanted. Once it was over, he rested his forehead on hers.

“Of course I’d go out with you, Ichigo.”

He bent down to kiss her again.

“Would you be my girlfriend, then?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Ichigo simply raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. I’d gladly be your girlfriend.”

“Good.”

With that, they kissed once more.

#ichiruki #pro ichiruki #ichirukimonth #ichiruki fanfiction #my fanfiction

[orenonahaichigoda]

About Me, and Some Things to Know About (Being Queer in) Japan

日本語でどうぞ。

とは言っても、より多くの人数が読めるように、以下を英語で書きます。

Se habla Español.

30s/trans male/California.

Grew up in Koube. Left in the early '90s for NYC. (Then left there because Giuliani ruined everything)

WHEN THE TRANS TALK STARTED IN JAPAN:

If I had stayed just a*little bit* longer, I probably would have learned that trans men exist, too, and so does hormone therapy. Activist-polititian Kamikawa Aya took her activism to NHK news spots shortly after I left. My grandparents listened to nothing else. (My dad was either NHK or Yomiuri, and I watched Asahi, the latter two not sure if they're national or only Oosaka-Koube broadcast region, but whatever) I mention this because it would be very easy for Ichigo to learn enough to figure it out before high school. And everyone's grandparents watch NHK, And a lot of parents, too. It's like BBC in Britain. PBS is the closest to an American analogue that exists, but the point is public advocacy for trans people became a thing in 1995, so it's not too hard to imagine someone born in the '80s would have enough information to figure it out early in life. Japan was a couple decades ahead of America on that.

FAIR NOTICE ABOUT MY SPANISH:

I'm mixed Japanese and Italian, I picked up Spanish to communicate with my new friends when I came to America. It's not native or anything, no relatives spoke it, and do expect some mixed words from different dialects.

Si estamos escribiendo en Español y se confunden mis palabras, siempre me puede pedir. Por ejemplo, ya sé que la palabra "la bodega" significa cosas diferentes entre Español Puertorriqueño y Español Mexicano.

PAIRING THREADS:

I'm essentially aroace. That doesn't mean I'm not totally down for *well-thought-out* ships. That's not my sole purpose here, but I do welcome it. Well-thought-out is the qualifier, though. And I don't get anything out of PWP, either. I'm only writing all this because I know a fair amount of RP strays into X rated. Shipping, yes, PWP, no.

ETERNAL DISCLAIMER:

My info about Japan varies, but a lot of it may be out of date. I was kinda cut off after leaving until I came to CA, and now more connected with the Web, but anything I say can carry the risk of being up to a few decades out of date.

BEING TRANS IN THE JAPANESE SPEAKING WORLD:

That being said, I can definitely say that while berserko right-wingers, who tend not to leave Japan, as trump voters tend not to leave the US, might be different, know when writing with me that being trans tends not to be a big deal among Japanese people. Now, IN Japan, yes, you'll have to deal with the right-wing Japanese, and in school, kids will pick on each other for anything--kids will pick for someone not liking the "right" bands, but among more progressive Japanese, like the Shin-Issei that I've been around since coming out, telling someone you're trans is not gonna cause fire to rain down on your head. It's gonna be the conservative/regressive bunch that'll be misgendering and all that. Trans kids will get bullied, there will be some also coming from conservative adults, but it doesn't make sense when writers juxtapose 1980s America on Japan.

HOMOPHOBIA AND "YAOI"/"YURI":

Which reminds me, you all have probably seen a lot of "yaoi." Here's the thing: it's gay fetish for straight consumption. Why do you think one guy is always "manly" and the other's "womanly"? It's a homophobic genre. "Yuri" is used for both that kind of thing and actual stuff by and for lesbians, but it's exactly like all those straight men googling"lesbian porn" on RedTube. To this extent, I'd probably need an extra amount of back and forth for shipping with a male character of a female mun. I'm not gonna rule it out, but I'm gonna be a little picky there. Not so much with any other gender. Most NB people I've met tend to really get this kind of thing, although it's a small number that I've met.

ABSOLUTE RULE:

Also, if you wanna play in Japanese, こうして日本語で書くんだ。*全部を* If you can't do that, write in English or Spanish. I've gotten my face punched in for legit broken English. It's not a "cute aesthetic uwu."

HOMOPHOBIA IN JAPAN:

There's a lot of... homophobia came with Admiral Perry for the most part, and it's...gay is not called evil or anything, but it's also difficult to actually *walk down the street holding hands with another man.* I can't speak on it too much, because I only started dating until after high school when I was already here. It's definitely not Regan's America, but it's also not free of homophobia. Unfortunately, I can't quite say how it is.

OTHER ABSOLUTE RULE:

But I also...it really grates my nerves when I see m/m shipping fic throwing around the word "sin" like it's the best thing ever to call queer people. It's not. It's the worst thing ever.

JAPANESE GEOGRAPHY/"KARAKURA TOWN":

One thing that non-Japanese speaking fans of Bleach always miss is what a town is in Japan. So, let's set this up with one a bit south of where I lived that has "town" in its name. Ninomiya Town is in Central Ward of Koube City, which is in Hyougo Province, which is in Japan. There're more divisions, but those are the ones you need to send a letter. It's kinda like how Compton and Wilmington are both in Los Angeles, as in part of the city. Karakura is an imaginary town in Tokyo. I'd say it's like having an American comic set in a place called Lawndale, except THERE IS ACTUALLY A TOWN CALLED THAT. It's one of L.A.'s suburban nearby towns.

NOT A RULE, BUT SOMETHING I DO ASK:

Some RPers really love to abuse the format buttons. I can't read stuff that looks like House of Leaves. Please don't do that with me, even if you do it with others.

Sum:

My life has not been easy. I've actually outlined two big triggers I run into a lot in this fandom (they send me into a rage): the "garnish human default English with exotic Japanese" (which is also bad writing. Look at Edgar Allan Poe. Murders in the Rue Morgue is really terrible writing in many ways, and random French thrown in is one of them) and the "hot sexy sinful gay." I'm also not sure I can handle running Ichigo through a transphobic scenario. Beyond that, I don't think I really have anything that will get my blood pressure up and you instantly blocked. I urge you to also share yours with me and others you play with.

DON'T PANIC WHEN I DON'T IMMEDIATELY REPLY. IT PROBABLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU:

Finally, I work on-call. Sometimes, I have eight days off in a row. Sometimes, I'm heading back from getting groceries, and my boss is asking if I can be in the next city over in seven minutes and work graveyard for the next eight days. When I'm at home, I have no kids, partner, roommate, or even pet goldfish. As long as writer's block stays away, I have no impediments to replying. When I find myself with long stretches of work-sleep-work, I'll be sure you know I'm gonna take time to reply. If I find myself suddenly called in, I won't be able to do it same day. If I'm having trouble proceeding the plot, I'll bounce ideas off you. Generally, you'll know what's up by the next day at latest. So don't freak out if I don't reply pronto. I'm kind of a desk jockey sort of, but in social work with severely physically ill people, so it's not exactly a job I can just be looking at the Web during. Lots of emergencies. I don't approve of goofing off at work anyway, but I do always need to have an ear out. (And I already only have one functioning one!)

"YOU LOOK FAMILIAR":

Blog username means "My name is Ichigo." It was the only thing I could think of that named it for its purpose. I've rp'd before, but that blog was attached to other ones where I drew the ire of trolls, or that shared permissions with people who turned out to be very bad people. I didn't have a whole lot on my rp blog, wasn't terribly active, so I decided to start fresh.

Feel free to ask questions!

#about mun #about rules #about Japan #about setting

[shadowthorne]

Shiro 44 and Hana 1, but more friends since so far we know she’s an only child. Is she gonna have someone like Shiro has Ichi and Grimm?, 5

Character development questions

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It’s incredibly rare to hear him actually say it. Instead, he tends to show his love. He’ll say it to his daughter, and he’ll say it to Grimmjow and Ichigo if he’s had a few too many glasses of wine. He wont say it if he doesn’t mean it, though. He wont fake it for those he doesn’t actually care about. He’s too arrogant and confident to feel the need or obligation.

1. Does your character have  siblings  friends or family members in their age group?  Which one are they closest with?

Hana likely has extended family, some members of which might be pretty close to her age, but chances are high that they’re estranged and, if Shiro knows about them, Hana does not. As for friends, yes! As much as she’s being groomed to one day take Shiro’s place, she’s still a kid and after his own upbringing, Shiro wont be treating her like she’s not his very own flesh and blood. She’s homeschooled for obvious reasons, but he’ll take her out and they’ll go to movies and the park and trick-or-treating and whatever else, so she’ll have the opportunity to meet other kids her age. She’ll even have sleepovers and birthday parties and the like. And someday, she’ll have a few very close friends that she’ll bring with her as she starts really learning the family business.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

idk if you’re asking this for Hana or Shiro so… Both?

Shiro: A pack of cigarettes and a lighter, obviously. His wallet and far more cash than a normal person would dare carry around. Keys to the car, the mansion, Byakuya’s place, his office and a few warehouses he owns under the table for business purposes. His phone. And, not really in a pocket but on his person so kinda the same; at least one gun.

Hana: When she’s younger, just a phone and a set of keys to the mansion (because what little kid doesn’t have a house key, ya know?). When she’s older, she’ll add a card to the account her father puts money in for her, a knife, one of these keychains, though she’ll never need it because of the knife and her body guard, but it’s cute and her dad approves. And whatever shade of lipstick she chose for the day. She probably carries a purse though, and half because it looks more inviting to assholes she might get a chance to use her knife on.

#ask #tigerwolfspellbear #hana tag #DwtF AU

[tappity-tap]

FOREVER BElonging WITH YOU

PART V - THE DENIAL

<< PART IV || PART VI >> Story Rating: M Chapter Warnings: Illness, pregnancy, alcohol, and some sexual content. [This chapter is sfw for the most part with a little nsfw bit at the very end]

It took less than three days for everyone to know about the Abarai’s impending new arrival. “Everyone” being every single person within the walls of the Seireitei, plus a few beyond. Gossip tended to travel quickly when something unusual took place, as it had with their wedding, and two captain-class Shinigami expecting a baby was also a fairly rare occurrence.

 Fielding questions, on the other hand, was quickly becoming a fairly frequent occurrence.

 “It’s not even…it’s like this big.” Renji exasperatedly pinched his thumb and index finger together and cracked them apart by a few millimeters. “We’ve no idea who it’s gonna take after, or what the sex is, or what we’re gonna name it yet ‘cause it’s that tiny ‘an we just found out.”

 Several expressions around the table fell in disappointment.

 “Awww, that’s no fair,” Rangiku complained, plunking her face into her open palm to lean on her arm, “I want to know what it’ll look like!”

 “Ah…well…it’s inside Rukia-san right now so no one’s going to know that until it comes out,” Hanataro told her apologetically. He said this so softly they almost didn’t hear him over the dull roar of the crowded restaurant.

 Cattycorner from him, Ikkaku scoffed and took a swig of his drink. “Who cares what it looks like? We already know it’s gonna be strong as hell, look who it’s got for parents.” He grinned eagerly. “Can’t wait til the kid’s old enough t’spar. That’ll be fun.”

 Visions of a cackling Ikkaku wildly brandishing Houzukimaru in pursuit of a terrified and crying miniature version of himself (tribal tattoos and all) suddenly popped into Renji’s head.

 A shudder ran through him. “Please don’t fight my child til it gets at least as tall as Rukia,” he insisted while secretly praying the kid would inherit her short stature and stay small forever.

 Ikkaku thumped his bottle down on the table and groaned in annoyance. “I agree with Rangiku-san. You’re no fair.”

 “Feh. Who’s to say it’ll even want to be a Shinigami, Ikkaku?” Yumichika mused and chewed thoughtfully on a dumpling, “Look at Omaeda’s family…his father was the former vice captain of the second division but only one of his children decided to follow in his footsteps.”

 Renji had been about to take a sip of his drink but this made him pause. “Wait, really? I didn’t know that.”

 Yumichika plucked another dumpling from the dish in front of him. “Didn’t you? They’re listed one right after the other in the registry of 2nd Division officers. It’s not difficult to make the connection.” He dipped it into the accompanying bowl of sauce with an obnoxious air of superiority that made Renji seriously consider reaching across the table and pouring the entire thing over his meticulously groomed head.

 Hinamori laughed softly and clutched her cup of tea with both hands. “I guess Abarai-kun doesn’t look through the records very often.”

 “I-I do! I just…don’t look any more’n I have to,” Renji protested.

 “Oi, Abarai, should you really be drinking that?” Hisagi cut in and motioned to the cup of sake still poised at Renji’s lips, “I thought you’re supposed to give that stuff up if you’re having a kid?”

Renji cocked an eyebrow. “Rukia’s the pregnant one. It doesn’t apply to me. Right?” He glanced down the table at Kiyone and Hanataro, who verified his statement with vigorous nods.

 “All the more reason for you not to drink,” Rangiku responded sagely, “if she can’t have fun, neither can you. Oh, bring him a tea!” she called out loudly as a server passed their table.

 Renji sighed and reluctantly set down his cup when the server returned moments later with his tea. His friends were paying for this baby celebration lunch (though they chose not to inform him of said lunch until he stepped outside to take his break only to be ambushed and dragged away) and as such, he felt obligated to graciously accept whatever they ordered for him.

 Not to mention, this was the same group of close acquaintances he and Rukia had gathered together to announce their engagement to first…minus Captain Hitsugaya who, according to Rangiku, was “too wrapped up in his paperwork” to leave the office (Renji suspected a good portion of said paperwork was actually hers). Irritating as they could sometimes be, he knew they cared deeply and only wanted the best for his and Rukia’s marriage, and now their child.

 Renji was about to take the first sip of his tea (which actually smelled delicious now that he was getting a good whiff of it) when Rangiku suddenly spotted someone by the restaurant’s entrance and jumped up to wave them over. “Oi, Kuchikiiii! Over heeere!”

 Sputtering in surprise and nearly dropping his cup, he whipped around and sure enough, there was his wife weaving her way through the throng of patrons. “Wait, you invited Rukia?”

 Rangiku dropped her hand and looked at him flatly. “Of course we did, it’s half her kid, too.”

 “Right…yeah,” Renji agreed, setting down the tea with some reluctance. It was probably easier that he didn’t let on the real reason he was surprised to see Rukia. She was supposed to be busy in a meeting with the 12th Division’s Research and Development team, and it was supposed to take a lot longer than it apparently had if their friends had been able to seek her out and let her know about the luncheon.

 Furthermore, Renji could tell Rukia was upset even before she reached the table, and from that alone he had a pretty good hunch as to why; the news she was about to give him would most likely not be positive.

 When he got up to greet her she rushed into him and flung her arms around his waist, face nuzzling the section of tattooed skin exposed by his parted collar in an unusually open display of affection. Rukia’s comfort level when it came to PDA between the two of them normally tended to hover around side hugs, hand holding, and shoulder squeezes but he fully returned her embrace without question.

 They stayed like that for a while until the “awww” noises their friends were making at them became too much and the two broke apart with matching blushes and annoyed frowns.

 Trying to ignore the obnoxious cooing as they sat down, Renji lowered his head next to hers and muttered, “So…what’s the verdict?”

 As expected, Rukia shook her head and pouted. “No go. I’m stuck here until it’s born.”

 Unbeknownst to either of them, Rangiku had been listening closely and now craned her head to try and see Rukia, half hidden from her sight behind Renji’s much larger form. “Eh? What’s that now?”

 “Well…er…” Renji glanced at Rukia, unsure if she wanted to divulge any information. With a shrug of her shoulders, Rukia sighed and peered around Renji to address Rangiku.

 “Research and Development doesn’t want me leaving Soul Society. They don’t know what’ll happen to me or the baby if I cross through the Dangai or get inside a Gigai.” That was apparently all she felt up for disclosing, though, for once she finished saying this Rukia pulled back and folded in on herself without another word.

 Renji picked up where she left off. “We were plannin’ on goin’ to the Living World tomorrow to tell Ichigo ‘an the others,” he explained while sympathetically patting his wife’s hunched back, “but Akon-san didn’t want Rukia gettin’ clearance til he ‘an the Department did some research to make sure it’s safe. Now…guess it’s just gonna be me.”

 “I really wanted to see their faces when we told them,” Rukia grumbled, “especially Inoue’s.” She crossed her arms on the table and plopped her chin on top.

 “I know.” Renji gave in to his husbandly urges and planted a soothing kiss near her temple. Rukia either didn’t notice or was too miserable to care.

 “Why don’t they all just come here and you can tell them at once?”

 Kira had been fairly quiet since they arrived at the restaurant but now he spoke up from the far end of the table. A murmur of agreement arose from the others at his suggestion.

 Renji shook his head. “Too much hassle. They’re all doin’ their own things now ‘an since we wanna tell ‘em soon as possible it’s just easier pickin’ one afternoon to go ‘round.”

 “Oh.” Kira nodded in understanding and went back to silently picking at his lunch.

 “Well that’s disappointing. Sorry, Kuchiki.” Rangiku put on a melodramatic pouty face but they could tell she meant it sincerely. After a moment, she clapped her hands together brightly. “I know! Let’s get something to cheer you up! How about we split a bottle of momoshu?”

 “Matsumoto-san! That’s alcohol! She can’t have that!” Kiyone leaned over and hissed at her, aghast.

 Rangiku giggled sheepishly, “Oh, oops!”

 Rukia sighed and shook her head. “It’s alright. I’m not feeling up for eating or drinking much right now anyways.”

 “Ya gotta eat somethin’, Rukia,” Renji murmured and stroked her hair as gently as he could, “ya haven’t eaten much lately.”

 “Oh, why don’t you try eating when you can barely keep anything down?” she huffed at him, annoyed. When their waiter came by, though, she did end up putting in an order for some rice porridge and a pot of ginger tea.

 Once the waiter left them again, Rangiku leaned towards the two of them with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “So…I’m curious, Renji. How’d Captain Kuchiki take the news?”

 Almost everyone snapped their head in Renji’s direction, the only exception being Rukia, who was still moping at his side.

 Renji shrugged. “He looked happy. A little happier than when we told him we were gettin’ married, actually.”

 “Well, if you think about it, this makes sense, right?” Everyone looked over at Kira, surprised. He blinked and continued, with a somewhat melancholy disposition, “His wife died before they had children. Having a niece or nephew is closest he’ll ever be to becoming a father.”

 Yumichika listened to Kira with rapt attention and thoughtfully rubbed his index finger under his lip. “That’s an interesting theory…I wasn’t under the impression Captain Kuchiki liked children very much.”

 Under his hand, Renji felt Rukia stiffen slightly. “Nii-sama doesn’t dislike children,” she murmured, so softly he had to bend down a little to hear her, “he’s just never…really…” Suddenly, her eyes widened and her body made an odd lurching motion.

 “Rukia…?” Renji reared back and lifted his hand from her hair in alarm as her face rapidly paled.

 Without another word she stood up and bolted for the restroom, right past their confused waiter holding her food and drink, with her hand clamped tightly over her mouth.

 “Uh…” After a moment of sitting there stunned and motionless, Renji turned and looked pleadingly to the three remaining women at the table. “Couldja…?”

 Putting on her best big-sisterly airs, Rangiku nodded and swiftly took charge. “Come on, Hinamori, Kotetsu-san. Kuchiki-san needs us!” The other two rose and followed her lead in the direction where Rukia had run off.

 Hisagi watched them go and turned back to Renji with an apprehensive look. “Yikes. That didn’t look good.”

 Renji sighed and made a motion for the waiter to set Rukia’s order in her empty spot. “No. She’s been havin’ a rough time of it since we found out.” He thanked the departing waiter and leaned his head into his hands. “I hate seein’ her like this but I dunno what to do, honestly.  I don’t even know if I can do anything.”

 Hanataro’s face screwed up in concentration like he was trying to (unsuccessfully) come up with some sort of solution. The other men could only watch Renji with sympathetic expressions as he wove his fingertips through the pulled-back hair just above his bandana.

 “But back to Captain Kuchiki,” Yumichika piped up, somewhat tactlessly for the situation at hand, “does he actually like children? I’m very curious to know what Rukia-chan was about to say.” Ikkaku grunted into his drink as a gesture of agreement.

 “How the hell should I know if he likes kids or not?” Renji unraveled his fingers from his hair and let his hands bang down on the wooden tabletop. “I guess he can handle ‘em okay? He always knew how with Lieutenant Kusajishi, at least.” To be fair, it didn’t take much more than tossing of a bag of candy to keep her reined in, but no one was ever able to do it with the practiced ease that Byakuya could and Renji had sometimes suspected that given the chance, his captain might actually be pretty good with children.

 At least he hoped that was the case now that his own was concerned.

 Everyone else seemed satisfied with his answer and went back to their food and drink. Renji could only pick at his food (the tea was stone cold and far less appealing at this point) and stew in his worry while the minutes ticked by with no sign of any of the recently departed.

 At last, he spotted a familiar flash of cropped sandy brown hair making its way back to them and immediately rose as she passed by him.  “How’s she doin’?”

 “Stable. She’s feeling better, but you should probably take her home.” Kiyone sat back in her seat and folded her arms very brusque and business-like, with an involuntary tug at the 4th Division lieutenant’s badge on her upper arm. “She’s had enough excitement and emotional stress for today, I think.”

 Renji had figured as much and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, okay.” Turning, he scanned the area and motioned their server over once he spotted him. In a low voice he requested that his and Rukia’s food be boxed up to go. The man nodded politely and left.

 Not long after, Hinamori and Rangiku came tottering back to the group, through the maze of tables and people with Rukia supported between them. Once the waiter had handed over their to-go boxes bundled up in a paper bag and Renji had profusely thanked (and apologized to) his friends for that afternoon, he gripped Rukia firmly under the arm and steered her towards the exit.

 As soon as they were outside and away from the stifling atmosphere, he loosened his hold on her.  “Can ya walk by yourself okay?”

 “Of course I can, idiot!” Rukia snapped back irritably and snatched her arm away. Or tried to, at least; With the effects of her illness still lingering, the motion she employed ended up less as a single swift yank and more a series of pathetic tugs. Once she had done that, though, she realized her insolence towards Renji wasn’t at all justified and the regret set in. She visibly deflated. “Renji…I didn’t mean…I’m just so…”

 With a sigh, Renji reached out with the hand that had just released her and gently grasped the top of her head. She lacked the vigor to do anything more than let out a feeble groan in protest when he drew her into his side, however in contradiction to her vocal reluctance she leaned fully into him.

 “Hey…it’s okay,” Renji murmured so only she could hear, “no one’s blamin’ ya for bein’ upset with the ways things’re workin’ out.” He chuckled and kneaded his fingers through her silky black hair. “Least of all, me. Ya know that, right?”

 He didn’t let her off until she relented and nodded in agreement.

 They walked in silence for a while. Renji, with his long strides and full reserves of energy, had to work extra hard to make sure Rukia didn’t lag more than a pace or two behind. Every once in a while he glanced over his shoulder to make sure that yes, she was still with him, silently shuffling along and kicking up little clouds of dust under her feet.

 “I’m so sorry, Renji,” Rukia said quietly, shortly before they reached their street, “this is supposed to be a happy time for us and we can’t even enjoy it when I’m always-“

 Renji stopped right there in the middle of the road and spun to face her dead on with his free hand firmly planted on her shoulder. “Rukia…unless ya made yourself this sick on purpose, you’ve nothin’ to be sorry for.” He raised his eyebrows pointedly and poked the other shoulder as best he could while keeping hold of the bag full of food. “So stop apologizin’, okay?”

 He’d never been more relieved to hear her laugh after a near minute of silence. “Yeah…you’re right.” Rukia sighed and reached up to squeeze his hand. “I’m being ridiculous aren’t I?”

 “Not anymore’n usual, no.” He easily dodged her weakly thrown punch.

 That night they cuddled together in bed under the blankets, warm and drowsy from a relaxing bath, Renji’s body curved around her back and his arms snugly encircling her tiny frame. With Rukia’s head tucked securely under his chin, he listened to her give him instructions for tomorrow while enjoying the feel of the absentminded designs she was doodling over every inch of his bare skin she could reach. In his own way, he was doing his best to make up to her for not being able to accompany him to the Living World the next day.

 “Make sure you remember every word they say.” Rukia grasped his hand and traced her fingertip in rectangular shapes over the back of it. “I would ask you to draw their faces but…” she sighed sadly.

 Renji kissed the outer edge of her ear with a grin. “Sorry. You’re the artist here.” His teeth grazed over the kisses he’d just left on her skin.

 He felt Rukia perk up a little from the compliment, and also probably because he was now circling the tips of her breasts through her clothes with his free fingers. “Renji…mmmm…what if the baby… ohhhh…likes to draw, too?” On his wrist, the movements of her fingers started subconsciously mimicking his.

 Emboldened and encouraged by her positive responses to his manual flirting, he abandoned her breasts and happily walked his fingers down the front of her body.  “Hm…then we’ll have two artists in the family ‘an I get to brag twice as much,” Renji declared. He hadn’t thought about it before but now he was certain he’d be overwhelmingly proud if the baby inherited even half of its mother’s artistic talents.

 Rukia stiffened and very nearly turned around to look at him. “T-two? But what about Nii-samaaa..aaahhh…” That last stutter was her reaction to Renji’s fingers “accidentally” passing over a certain spot during their migration from her breasts to her thighs. She clung onto him and he could feel her reiatsu pulsate from the budding anticipation.

 “How ‘bout…” Renji’s hand snaked beneath the hem of her nightclothes “We don’t talk about your brother right now…” He slowly pushed them up her thighs, over her hips, until they bunched around her waist. “’An I do everything I can to make ya feel better about all this?”

 Rukia shivered and tightened her grip on his arms when his wandering fingers slid under the waistband of her loincloth. “O-okay,” she panted eagerly.

 By the time they actually got to sleep, Renji had made absolutely certain (several times, in fact) that she felt much, much better about having to stay behind tomorrow.

Author’s Notes: This was actually the chapter I finished last overall because it’s sort of what I like to call a “bridge” chapter in that it needs to tie things together from both halves of the story while keeping momentum going. Juggling 10 characters at the same time in one scene also made me want to rip my hair out at times. @_@ Honestly I’m not particularly fond of it but with so much necessary information and set-ups, taking it out was just not an option. Hopefully the character banter makes this a worthwhile read.

I felt bad having Rukia stay in Soul Society but honestly I feel like having two different spiritual energies inside one spirit body would cause a lot of complications with the things Shinigami use to go to the Living World. Would she need one hell butterfly or two to cross the Dangai? Would the Gigai have to have another Gigai inside of it for the baby? On top of that, would so much concentrated energy attract Hollows faster? Just...way too much uncertainty there and since it seems like weddings and pregnancies don’t happen often with enlisted Shinigami the12th Division really wouldn’t have much information on this. Test tube babies on the other hand... lol

Good news: IchiHime is in the story starting with the next chapter.

Continued in [PART VI - THE RELAY]

#RenRuki #tapfic #tapart #FOREVER BElonging WITH YOU #Part VI will be up in an hour or so once final edits are complete

[badheart]

Hmmmm, what would Kugo's time be like while becoming a shinigami?

I guess you mean the time and scenario, where he gets the chance to become a real Shinigami after his death? I mean before, at the middle of his life, he became kinda a Shinigami too, anyway gonna answer the first, since makes the most sense in this context.

In the novel was said from Shunsui, that there exists a chance that Kugo will be forgiven for his crimes or something like that. As of now, it is still unlikely they would allow him to become one BUT IF! Then he would have to go first to the academy and get an Asuchi. I think his Fullbring was merely a copy of his Zanpakuto, a good memory and via his Substitute Batch, he could activate his Shinigami powers. Anyway, finally a real Zanpakuto again, which will probably look mostly like his old one and he will be able to really meet his Zanpakuto Spirit again, which is just a Hollow in his case (blame his mother). Meanwhile, Kugo is far from stupid, he will manage the academy just fine, bankai might be still troublesome though as he just used the one from Ichigo. Maybe to taunt him, or Ichigo’s was stronger than his own, or who knows. He will definitely achieve bankai earlier than others or easier. I don’t think he can skip any classes, he got talent but due to his past, are all probably still wary and it is easier to get to know him, understand him and his powers, while he is in the academy.

After he is done, he has to join a division, with luck he won’t end up in the 12th division, since Mayuri showed some interest in him in the novel. Personally, I would love to see him in the first division, since Shunsui is there, who was the closest to Ukitake, but it is doubtful that a former criminal will end up there. Maybe by Byakuya (6th division), the perfect opposite as he is kind of flawless. Or the 13th division, since it belonged to Ukitake before, but then again bad idea, plus I cannot imagine Rukia stronger than Kugo. 

Either way, visiting Karakura town might be difficult or even forbidden for him, for a while at least. So visiting Alex should be still possible. Anyway, how it was for him? Probably difficult among all those Shinigami, more the loner there and having difficulties to work in teams. He definitely had to win anyone’s respect, not just with his powers but also with his personality. Bet by the ladies he had it easier as he can be quite charming, but in the end he focused mostly on his training as he wanted to finish the academy as fast as possible. It was also nice, to have finally some Shinigami powers again and have soon the chance to help others again, the others who really deserve it, aka the Souls in the living world. Still will be difficult to send them to Rukongai as he had seen the place, far from perfect. Perhaps he tries to change that a little. Surely it is easier to talk with Shunsui about this than with Yamamoto. 

#difficult and easy #thank you for the question! #now i wish i could explore that timeline more #him meeting more shinigami asdfgh #visiting alex tho <3 #a dream #blessedfate #╳ ——「 query.」 #✖cution ━ ❛ hc.