#which is more than that hack doofenshmirtz

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Okay everything about a Wingfeather Saga/Phineas and Ferb crossover would be hilarious. And by Wingfeather Saga I mean Wingfeather Falls because it’s even funnier.

Idk even where to start. The Wingfeather kiddos walk through a portal into Phineas and Ferb’s backyard and end up helping with whatever they’re building. Kalmar is in his element with the chaos. Janner is trying desperately to keep track of Perry so he can sketch whatever this new creature is. Leeli’s just chilling, probably hanging out with the Fireside girls and staring at Candace in concern.

Across town Artham and Fiddleford end up at Doofenshmirtz’s evil inc. where Artham discovers that Fidds and Doof know each other because Fiddleford accidentally hacked into an evil villain meeting skype call once and they just... let him keep doing it because I mean he does build giant robots that terrorize a town, has a tragic backstory and an evil laugh so I mean he’s basically one of them, he’s causing chaos it counts. Artham’s just pleased to know that Fiddleford talked to people back in the day.

Perry shows up and Artham and Fidds just fly up into the rafters to watch whatever’s going on. Artham mentions that Janner would love to see a platypus and then when the fight starts he’s like “ah. so this is how Ollister Pembrick did it”

99.9% sure Kalmar has convinced Phineas and Ferb to help him build Shacktron 2.0 which he has always wanted to do ever since Dipper showed him the picture but he never had a house he could do it with. Phineas and Ferb are more than happy to turn their house into a giant robot to help this kid fulfill his dreams. Janner’s questioning Candace over why she keeps trying to bust her brothers and when it basically just comes down to it being a compulsion for her he’s like “wow okay I mean if it was safety I’d get it but, jeeze, Kalmar thinks I’m against fun but you my friend are on another level.” Leeli is composing the episode’s musical number and then promptly directing/performing in it.

Artham flies down in the middle of Perry and Doof’s daily smackdown to give hand-to-hand combat tips. They stop and listen to him and Perry starts taking notes. Artham tells Perry to attack him to demonstrate something and Perry doesn’t land a hit once. No one’s sure why Artham’s good at defending himself from animals except Fiddleford who’s cackling up in the rafters with the knowledge that Artham lived in his world’s most deadly forests for 7ish years.

Cue giant robot walking through town with a gang of kids in it including one overexcited young king. Artham and Fiddleford get to see it right before Doof’s invention inevitably destroys/cancels it out somehow. Kal is very disappointed that he didn’t get to show his uncles this wacky invention but is thrilled when they find out they saw it anyway.

rest is under the cut because this got long

PART TWO is somehow so much more unhinged. It’s literally just Artham deciding to bring his niece and nephews along with him and Fiddleford to visit Doofenshmirtz and absolute chaos descending. Kalmar won’t stop running around pushing buttons and inadvertently setting off lasers and traps which never hit him or any of the kids. Janner is wondering how concerned he should be about safety. Doof is running around trying to stop Kalmar and probably the only one getting hit by lasers and traps. Vanessa is there and so Leeli goes over to chat with her and sees her listening to music and explains her whistleharp, “I once held back an army with this!” “an army?” “yeah! during the siege of Ban Rona. also I can summon dogs with it.” “.... what.” “I can summon dogs!” “what kind of dogs?” “all dogs! do you wanna see?” “...yes”

Leeli and Vanessa go out on the balcony and Leeli starts alternating between playing her whistleharp and dogspeak and soon every dog in the tri-state area is there. This sets off Phineas and Ferb’s adventure of the day when Isabella comes and tells them her dog is missing. At first they try and build a dog summoning device but Leeli keeps also summoning the dogs so I’m just imagining a Bohemian Rhapsody song sequence going “galileo GALILEO galileo GALILEO FIGARO MAGNIFICOOOOOOOOOO” “oh let me gooooooo NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!” that part where the dogs are turning back and forth in a street obviously torn between directions. Phineas and Ferb give up because it’s obviously not working and go to plan B which is follow the sounds the dogs are hearing and see where it leads.

Meanwhile Perry has shown up because there are lasers going off everywhere and all the dogs have been pied-pipered there. He just lands on the balcony next to the girls and stares wide eyed at the chaos. Leeli looks at him like, “ooooh look, I summoned a platypus too!” “oh that’s just Perry, he’s my dad’s nemesis.” “hi Perry! you should go find my brother Janner he’ll love that.”

I think Artham and Fiddleford are just sitting off to the side observing the chaos. Artham is cheerfully petting dogs. Fiddleford is fixing all the inators as they break just for funsies. At least sixteen things are on fire. Janner has discovered Perry’s here and is happily sketching him again, with a hat this time and the clarification “platypus (secret agent)”. Doofenshmirtz is still in the background trying and failing to catch Kalmar who is having the time of his life.

There is a knock on the door and it is the boys and Isabella. Leeli answered and when they ask about Isabella’s dog she happily summons it with dogspeak. This is also when they go “oh there you are Perry” and he’s just chilling in a sea of dogs for no reason.

PART THREE is just Perry’s secret agency freaking out about how Leeli can straight up summon dogs and talking about how great that would be for them if they could get her to work for them so Perry has to find her. Luckily Leeli and her brothers are visiting again so he gets her and brings her down to his secret hideout. What follows is Major Monogram trying to convince this 10-11 year old to join a secret agency to train dogs and Leeli just like “you had me at ‘train dogs’” but then being the granddaughter of a pirate kicks in and she’s like “what’s in it for me?” and while Monogram and Carl try (and fail) to figure out what preteen girls like, Leeli mentally puts together a list of demands.

“Okay, first, I want a hat like Perry’s.” “Done.” “Second I want to go with Perry on one of his missions so I can ask Dr. Doofenshmirtz for one of his inventions and take it home for Kalmar.” “... W H Y.” “because he didn’t get to ask last time! he was too excited and hyped up on sugar!” “.... alright, fine.” *Leeli squees*

What follows is just a montage of Leeli training dogs while wearing a little secret agent hat. Then Perry has to chaperone her on one of his missions (he tries to open the door for her but Leeli’s like “I got it” and bangs it down with her crutch “they don’t call me lizardkicker and batwhacker for nothing!” Perry has no idea what that means but he’s a little afraid of her now).

Leeli walks in somehow avoiding any traps but Perry doesn’t even though he directly follows her, and she just trots up to Doof like, “Hi Dr. Doofenshmirtz Perry brought me here so I could ask if I could get one of your inventions for Kalmar.” and Doof’s just staring at her like “why are you using a little girl to confuse me Perry the platypus” Leeli looks back and forth between them a couple times and then is like, “oh right you have to do your fighting thing, okay, go ahead I’ll wait.” and sits politely off to the side waiting for them to have their daily confrontation. And they’re both just like “.....”

They stare at her for long enough that she’s just like, “well okay Perry if you won’t stop him I guess I will” and just. whacks Doofenshmirtz with her crutch. he starts yelling at her like “oh that’s no fair, what am I supposed to do, beat up a little girl?!”

And Leeli, who has recently read The Hobbit, continues whacking him while yelling, “I’m not a little girl! I am the lizardkicker of Glipwood, batwhacker of Ban Rona! I am the Song Maiden of the Shining Isle of Anniera and granddaughter of Podo Helmer! And now I’m a secret agent!”

She then manages to whack his inator in just the right spot so that it collapses into a pile of rubble and then looks up at him all wide-eyed innocence like, “okay can I have something for Kalmar now? :)” and he’s like “.... okay sure, why not.”

Perry’s just projecting this back to HQ with his watch and they’re like “:O”

It ends with Leeli loading up whatever contraption she’s acquired for her brother onto a wagon pulled by dogs while she declines the agency’s offer of a full time job with a winning smile “sorry, I’m already the Song Maiden, defender of the Shining Isle, and a little kid. My schedule’s full.” and she heads cheerfully through a portal with her brothers, dogs and wagon in tow.

#the wingfeather saga #phineas and ferb #this reads like a fever dream and Idk what to say #been thinking about this for a while but I have been in a very goofy mood the past two evenings so voila #ft. leeli being the most chaotic wingfeather child #I should have been in bed an hour ago but aerwiar #if you actually read this I hope you got a good laugh #will I regret this in the morning? who knows! #probably #but for now I'm very amused

[nightcoremoon]

so for the first time I saw batman: the killing joke.

...

it was okay I guess. but massively overrated. I expected some fucking masterpiece of cinema but instead it was just two unrelated short films that were more style and flash than substance.

so first off, barbara's storyline was mediocre. franz wasn't a compelling villain; just a creep, and a trust fund brat. oh wow he's a mafia kid who stole his family's fortune by hacking. if it was the falcone family I'd have cared more but it wasn't so it's just some faceless deathfodder rando. who gives a shit. the whole situation was just a vehicle to shove batman's dick into babs. which kinda fucks over bruce's character here and judging by the timeline kinda makes him a bit of a groomer, yikes. bruce and gordon have known each other since bruce was a young boy and we know that bruce is way older than babs so yeah bruce totally knew her from birth until present day, he literally utilized an active power dynamic to police her crimefighting activities, and he should have fucking known better and stopped her when she kissed him because it would (and did) compromise their professional dynamic, but hey, batdick. and at least barbara recognized that she was behaving emotionally rather than logically when it came to bruce and paris and took the high road out. that would be a serviceable standalone episode to write her on a bus in a serialization but THIS IS A MOVIE. so for a waste of an already short runtime it's like having an appetizer before your meal but instead of something like a crab cake before stuffed flounder, you get greasy onion petals that are more fried batter than onion before getting a well done cheeseburger that's just a glorified hockey puck on a sponge with a kraft single on top. the animation and vocal delivery were excellent of course, not gonna disparage that aspect, so it was well made, but the writing was just not very good. a polished turd. quantic dream must have developed it then because it feels like I watched a david cage production.

so in a 78 minute movie, five of which were the credits, we had a half hour Disney/Pixar short except those bring joy and this brought boring. also there were a lot of shots of her ass tits and underwear that were obnoxiously male-gazey and there was a token gay for the sole purpose of dangling a carrot on a stick for the queers. look kids, warner brothers and dc comics cares about the lgbts! give us money! a waste of time before the real reason why anyone came to see the movie that literally only exists to pad out the runtime to make it a feature length (even though paying a full ticket would've been a total ripoff because, again, IT WAS ONLY 78. even 9 was 81 minutes long and that had an amazing storyline so I forgave it, but 78 minutes? ugh.

also, GOTHAM RAGE??? CRINGE. SO CRINGE.

alright now for the joker segment.

*ahem*

what the fuck? that sucked! *throws tomato*

mark hamill and the joker's lines and the art and the cinematography and the choreography was all good and the plot was cohesive. I get it.

but holy shit was the writing weak as fuck.

okay so some rando breaks the J-ster out of Arkham (already unlikely but ugh whatever), he didn't turn a trick or recruit or anything, he just went to purchase a carnival. or, steal one. but wait, he DID recruit, but he went to get all of the stereotypical Circus Freak™ stereotypes. little people, fat lady, bearded lady, wolf man, strongman, diaper man (wait, what?), and the two headed woman. I guess if you don't really think about why all of them were super readily available in the outskirts between arkham and gotham [i just realized they both end with -am] then it makes enough sense. and then literally right after that HE RECRUITS SOME GUYS TO HELP HIM KIDNAP GORDON. and then strips and photographs barbara. um. ew. you can tell the writer and director were men. Alan Moore is constantly molesting women in his comics and this one trick pony should be put down already. but whatever. the plot is weak and it only gets saved by the flashback sequences.

oh.

oh no.

they're not that great.

he's a failed unfunny comedian who just wants some money to move his wife to a better house so he turns to thievery with the mob. OR YOU COULD JUST STOP GOING TO THE BAR AND BLOWING IT ALL ON BOOZE. I mean the cops knew where to find him after all so clearly he's a repeat customer (or moore is a bad plot writer who relies on convenience and shut the fuck up and don't critically analyze it). alright so he gets wrapped up in the mob to perform a heist on a playing card factory. GET IT, BECAUSE HE'S THE JOKER??? and he uses the moniker of the red hood to retain his anonymity. I expected the mobsters to be working for francisco but no the paris storyline was only cooked up screenplay for passing the runtime so why would they do something clever and interesting and make the film cohesive? that'd be really stupid to make the movie feel more like one movie and not two short films. at least when grindhouse & planet terror did it they advertised themselves as an anthology film. whatever. he falls in the vat of acid which melts the red hood to his face and I gotta say that's actually a pretty good idea to get his face white and his hair green and his lips red. I like that part. oh wait I forgot about the most important part! his wife gets shoved in the refrigerator. OH WOW THAT'S JUST SO COMPELLING AND ORIGINAL, TOTALLY NOT SOMETHING THAT ALREADY HAPPENED TO GREEN LANTERN. TWICE. although she wasn't literally shoved into a literal refrigerator like alex was. rip in frozen pieces you absolute legend of a trope namer. alright, so... so the joker is sad because his wife died. you know, the wife we saw for two minutes and knew the moment we saw her drenched in sepia she was gonna die. and she died offscreen. kyle's gf died and he was fine. gordon's wife died and he was fine. batman's parents both died and he was fine. oh boo hoo someone I love died! fuck off. I am so goddamn sick of people trying to justify their evil with "I was sad once". it's a stupid trope and it's not compelling. the only valid version is doctor doofenshmirtz' evil(er) version in the PF movie because it's hilarious that it's because of a toy train because that's the emotional depth that fridgewomen is treated with in all of these storylines. but at least batman said so. oh yeah, I almost totally forgot, batman's in this movie.

batman punches people and nonlethally takes them out. by suffocating them and letting them get stabbed and throwing them into pits of spikes and HEY WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND! okay let's just ignore that bit and hope that the little people squeezed between the gaps in the spikes and the strongman could breathe in the face mask and the two headed women had KO gas and the fat lady was fat enough that the knives only stabbed her cellulite. it wouldn't be the biggest reach one would have to make in watching this fucking disaster of a plot mess.

now I did like that it was actually batman, and by that I mean he gave a shit about the insane because he recognizes that mental illness is not a cause of dangerous or criminal behavior, just a potential exacerbating factor if it wasn't treated. yeah he brutalized mobsters and crime lords but they were mostly in self defense while gathering intel. he politely asked sal maroni and the sex workers for information and they gave it to him without violence- he manhandled maroni but only after he reached into his pocket for a cigar which could've been a gun. also batman says sex work should be decriminalized if only by not ratting them out to the cops. he was a genuinely good person in the second half of the movie. too bad it was ruined by the shitty first half that made him a borderline groomer.

joker's song was... bad. mark hamill performed his ass off but the song wasn't that good. it just tried to be willy wonka if he was a voyeuristic monster. oh yeah have the only girl character be paralyzed stripped and photographed only to give her father ManPain™. again... the fuck? joker and batman were both gross but, again. male writers. if it was a one-off I could drop a thermian argument because, alright one and done makes sense, especially 1988 standards. but it saturated and soured the entire goddamn movie because of abhorrent pacing decisions. so you're goddamn right I'm gonna bring it up twice! joker was a creep, his plan was dumb, nolan and burton and lord/miller and even ayer had better motivations. YES I AM SAYING THAT JARED LETO'S JOKER HAD BETTER WRITING THAN MARK HAMILL'S JOKER. not nearly to the level of ledger nicholson or galifanakis but hamill didn't have a lot to work with here and I maintain that his performance was amazing; honestly I like his the best out of all of them but just... not here. but I think I can cut some slack to firelord ozai and luke skywalker even if he just phoned it in here which he didn't. writing was just weak. and that's all there is to it. don't anon me and threaten to remove my bones ok?

alright so batman and joker fought and joker got the upper hand and was gonna kill him but it was a prop gun. haha. they had a heart to heart and batman tells joker that he wants to help him get better, even after joker killed robin and molested barbara and traumatized gordon and did countless other travesties, he still said he would help. but joker said no, and told a joke that was good enough to make batman laugh. and then the credits rolled.

...

what a completely pointless and empty ending. oh it's deep and meaningful and poignant? ok sure, I guess, movie, but you didn't earn that. shyamalan did the same thing a dozen times. that doesn't make him any less of a shit writer.

I can understand the concept of batman laughing at joker's joke, humanizing him.

I get it. I see what they tried to do. I respect it.

but this movie was massively overhyped and overrated and I expected it to be so much better than it was. but overall to me it was just another batman cartoon to throw on top of the pile. maybe it was influential to graphic novels. maybe it shaped batman into what he is today. it published right as tim burton's movie and I can respect its place in the pantheon of comic history. but sometimes things that are classic...

aren't that great.

citizen kane, casablanca, the maltese falcon, the treasure of the sierra madre, gone with the wind, singing in the rain, all of them are classic and legendary pieces of art. but they're just not that good, interesting, appealing, watchable, or FUN. they were good at the time- I mean come on we all know them today- but on going back you'd have to really appreciate the finer details to still love the movies today. and this belongs there, in the vault, to be appreciated from afar. influential if dated.

but god am I still disappointed nonetheless.

TL;DR

it was just okay. had some good ideas, had some really bad ideas, had some ugly stuff. overall mediocre. first half 5/10, second half 7/10, overall 6/10.

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

If Perry were to go rouge, I think his best bet would be to go to Dennis the Rabbit. He's just as dangerous as Perry and almost succeeded in hacking into the mainframe of the organization, so they'd be the perfect team to take down OWCA. Plus, since I think Dennis is a severely underrated character, I like to think he went rouge because of something to do with his own host family and lost sight of what was really important.

There should probably be a rogue Perry tag at this point because it’s kinda become a theme lmao but I think (?) this was the first rogue Perry post if y’all wanna see some context, but this is kind of independant from that. There’s so much to unpack here that the formatting is a little all-over-the-place, but hopefully it still makes sense.

I’m not gonna lie, the thought of Perry going to Dennis crossed my mind very briefly, but I kinda dismissed it as a “that wouldn’t happen so why dwell on it?” type deal. Now that you’ve got me thinking more into Dennis’s character, though, you might actually have a point. I don’t think Perry would actively seek Dennis out -- he may have gone rogue, but his OWCA training is still in tact and he’d likely still view Dennis as the bad guy -- but I can see Dennis seeking him out.

Dennis and Perry may be more alike than they let on. They are both incredibly skilled, which makes them either an incredible threat or an incredible asset depending on the situation. That’s what made No More Bunny Business what it was -- a damn near even match from an agent who historically has never had any real on-camera competition. Plus, between Sidetracked, Elementary My Dear Stacy, and OWCA Files, it’s incredibly obvious that Perry prefers to work alone, and that he gets frustrated when he’s forced to work with others. Dennis seems to be the same way -- he takes what Doof has to give, causes probably thousands of dollars in unnecessary damage to DEI, and peaces the fuck out -- basically the evil version of Perry taking OWCA’s tools and going about his business with as little contact with the agency as possible.

I’m sure that just seems like useless meta at first glance, but to me, it looks like motivation for Dennis to seek Perry out as soon as he heard that Perry went rogue -- and I have no doubt that he would hear Perry went rogue, just like I have no doubt that he would be able to escape on his own and the only thing keeping him from doing it earlier is that there was no reason to yet. 

I think that how they would connect relies pretty heavily on Dennis’s character and his past, so before I really get into what might happen if he tracked Perry down, I wanna talk about that. I love the idea that he would have faced the same type of shit Perry did, though I do feel like it would have to take more than a simple reassignment to warrant the type of anger Dennis has towards OWCA. I can’t help but wonder if somehow OWCA fucked up, and Dennis’s host family paid the price. Whether they got hurt or killed, I don’t know, but it would have had to be something serious, and probably something that kept Dennis from ever seeing them again. That would explain the grudge he has against OWCA, possibly to the point where his attempt to hack into the OWCA database wasn’t that extreme; he might have been genuinely trying to destroy OWCA in its entirety to keep other unsuspecting host families safe from OWCA’s carelessness. 

Now, Dennis has fought Perry before. In fact, he’s fought Perry twice. He’s been to Perry’s house; he’s met Perry’s family; he’s even been in Perry’s lair. He’s seen Perry think on his feet, and he’s seen Perry’s reflexes in action in a desperate attempt to hide any evidence of their fight from the Flynn-Fletchers  He probably knows Perry as an agent better than any of his peers (with the possible exception of Pinky because I’m sure they’ve run into each other a lot thanks to Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella), and I’d be surprised if he didn’t realize Perry was a lot like he was when he worked for OWCA -- cunning, hard-working, always looking out for his family above all else but still determined to get the job done. The only that that separated them was that Perry was still loyal to OWCA and Dennis was not. Once that barrier was out of the picture, this would be Dennis’s perfect opportunity to try to take down OWCA again, this time with backup. 

I’m writing this on the assumption that they can communicate pretty easily, whether it be through animal speech or pantomiming, but here’s how I think it would go down.

Let’s assume that Perry doesn’t have any sort of plan. He doesn’t immediately run to Phineas and Ferb or to Doofenshmirtz, partially because he doesn’t think they could help but mostly to keep them out of danger. Those would be the first places OWCA would look for him, which makes them the last places he would go. He’d have to find someplace to hide that OWCA wouldn’t even think to look in, and what better place to drive his coworkers away than the sewers? Sure, the kids have been down there a bunch, but that’s just because they’re weird; no one else is going to hang out down there cut to Scott in Subterranus. And, honestly, OWCA is just stupid enough to pass right by the sewers because surely no self-respecting agent would hang out in that dump, and no one wants to be the one to lead that fruitless search.

Then Dennis shows up, and Perry is immediately on the offense. He almost lost last time they fought hand-to-hand, and this time there are no carrots around to save him. And even though Dennis would claim he’s not here to start a fight, Perry wouldn’t necessarily believe him. Perry may have gone rogue, but he still views himself as the good guy and he’d still view Dennis as the bad guy because that’s what OWCA had told him, and going rogue doesn’t immediately negate everything OWCA’s ever taught him. 

Dennis would expect that. He knows what it’s like to be one of OWCA’s best and brightest, and he knows the uncertainty that comes with turning against them. That means he would know exactly how to explain why he went rogue, and he’d know exactly how to convince Perry that he’s right: OWCA is too far gone to save. Whether he is right or not is up for debate, but Perry is still reeling from OWCA’s impromptu decision to send him away in the middle of the night with no warning, so Perry might go for it, if only to give him a free pass to hang out with his family again.

Between Perry and Dennis, OWCA would not stand a chance. Sure, the fact that OWCA is on high alert looking for them and is definitely monitoring the Flynn-Fletcher’s, DEI, and Perry’s lair throws a bit of a wrench in their plans, but they’d get around that and they’d take OWCA out. 

I don’t know what would happen after OWCA fell, though. Perry would probably just want to spend time with his family and thwart Doof, and he’d continue to do that in whatever capacity he could. Maybe Dennis would rebuild a new version of OWCA, one that’s hopefully fair and gives their agents and their host families the respect, protection, and time off that they deserve. Then again, maybe he’d rebuild OWCA and it would be genuinely evil and Perry would have to pull an Uno reverse card and team up with the Phineas and Ferb Save Summer gang to bring back the old OWCA. I just really think that Perry and Dennis would be such a power duo and I’m so glad you brought that up because I am totally going to work Dennis into my swearing!Perry fic now lmao

#three links in one post #that's gonna be a new record lmao #i really do like this idea tho and if anyone wants to write a Perry/Dennis teamup I would be so here for it #phineas and ferb #pnf #dennis the rabbit #perry the platypus #dennis #look i have an ask