#which is fine id like to be friends

[shvkespearc]

so LOL my new job completely fucked me over and scammed me by telling me i'd work 20 hours a week immediately, then saying they won't have proper availability for a few more weeks, now saying they can barely give me hours at all, IF ANY, for the foreseeable future.

well my life goes on and continues to include expenses even as i try to apply for new jobs

in the meantime well my poetry books are still for sale!

you can get them for as little as 1 dollar or customize the amount to anything! PLEASE THEYRE NOT BAD- (INSERT REVIEWS HERE) the site is perfectly safe to buy from and v easy!

#whatever. uses the last 30 dollars on my credit card #i know later ill check this post and there will be 0 notes #which is fine #i just dont know what else to do? #i applied to my local library yesterday and tried soooo hard on my app and cover letter #so im begging pleading ill get it #but i know its kind of compteitive so :( #then theres just fucking nowhere left thats hiring except like fast food #which is a bummer cause i said id never work in fast food again after i did in high school #but like hello? hello girl? girl help? #all my cards are maxed because ive had no money to pay them off #needless to say nothing in my fucking account #im in debt to all my friends #i got a few jobs art modeling this month #but its only like 150$ total #which like. i need 800+ a month . so #epic my dude #.txt

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#that's 2 of 3 partys in my moms honor down. this one was our childhood neighbor friends #which it was really good to see them but it was really just a party. no one really talked about her at all. the subject was avoided #i think bc ppl r awkward abt it. like im fine to talk abt it. it happened. i dont see a point in avoiding it #but im also not the most socially adept. which i did pretty good talking to ppl but i was still the most awkward one there #and idk this experience has really taught me that u should have a lot of friends and a spouse bc i dont kno how a person like me could go #thru what my mom did and survive if i didnt have my dad. so i guess i have to con someone into marrying me #id b difficult to marry. im difficult to b friends with. im too avoidant of any people #im gonna die like that lady from 6 feet under with no friends. like a fridge fell on her or something. idk #but i cant die bc my dad cant go thru this again. i dunno. well see what life throws at me #also. my childhood friends r a lot of real smart ppl. like a lot of engineers and medical doctors #they make me feel so dumb. but alas. im but a humble environmental Science person #ay. i dunno. it was fun but im drained #and my cousings boyfriend is still a fucking freak who harasses animals. he really upset one of our dogs #my sister says she can imagine him murdering someone and tbh so could i. so i hope my cousins safe #unrelated

[clanoffelidae]

Having non-binary dysphoria is fucking weird bc it’s like

Brain: don’t like this body

Me: okay do you want a male one?

Brain: that’s even worse

Me: okay so what do you want???

Brain: not this one

#non binary #gender dysphoria #its really not that surprising that some of my friend groups have running jokes that im an otherworldly entity in a human body lol #if i had a nickel for every friend group that decided i was some sort of ancient deity in human form id have two nickels #which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice #‘well did you start the joke???’ I Did Not #they came to these conclusions on their own #both of them are equally shitposty which is a mood tho #first one was bc i was obsessed with oranges in high school #and a group of friend watched me maul like 7-8 of them at lunch #and i became the god of oranges #then i had an orange on me one day when a friend had a test in history she was nervous about #id taken it earlier that day and felt fine so i gave her the orange and told her to set it on her desk #to create an altar to me and i would give her the answers (made her laugh <3) #she came back later saying she did that and then suddenly remembered everything #make of that what you will #my second god assignment is biblically accurate furby and also possibly a god of peace #it’s complicated #the lore keeps developing #nonbinary

[skeletalheartattack]

happy almost birthday :o)

:) thank you!!! there's gonna be a bounce castle at my birthday party and every body is invited

#ask #catboygirljoker #ough.... the passage of time marches on. #on that tuesday i will be 25. fucked up. #i dont really do much for my birthdays honestly. besides my mom taking me out to a restaraunt to eat. #on the day of i just get a good pizza and thats enough for me #a friend did recently offer to get me a desktop computer. and the tower has been here since thursday. #im currently waiting on the monitor. which should arrive in a few days. #im. really bad at accepting gifts. that said. even after having accepted this one im still experiencing grief #the computers an older model. but it runs on windows 10. #im. internally scared to think about what it can and cant run. i even dread thinking about even finding out. #like. ohhhh how id love to play animal crossing city folk again... or even minecraft... #but im doing. my best. to keep my expectations low. #i really hope it runs emulators (gamcube/wii/ps2 era ones) well. i need to play dbz budokai again i need to look at zarbons model again #the monitor is 1080p. which i dont think ive ever had a monitor that high res. #ik that TF2 probably wont run the best. but i hope sourcemods run fine. #ill have to do so much re-installing of things....... ogh..... #it doesnt have a wifi chip so i think temporarily ill have to use a usb to connect to the internet. #which i can live with. ik theyre not as powerful but its fine. maybe at some point ill get a wifi card. #though. i dread the thought <- had internal ptsd thinking about touching anything within a computer again #tldr. had a good laptop. screen went dark one day. was told it was probably the cmos battery. #tried to do repairs myself. ooggh..... the horrible memories.... #ik adding a wifi chip is incredibly easy. but that doesnt mean im not scared #anyway :) thank you for the soon birthday wishes

[indigodawns]

.

#guess who got covid again!!! #my friend who lives on the floor below me + his partners got it and they kept their door open which made me Nervous #but i was like ugh don't be mean etc im sure it's fine and id wrap my scarf over my nose and mouth at least and wash my hands #but thursday evening i was like oh no. oh feels Bad and friday was fucking awful i think i had a migraine on top of it #but saturday was okayish! so i ordered food and i added a note saying please feel free to leave it near the door #but they didn't see/didn't speak dutch so i had to get it from them anyway and i kept my distance in between but blegh blegh #idk i just hate this i hate thinking who i mightve infected i hate that this means im stuck here for another week i hate our fk government #and i hate my own spinelessness #and something about. what else is going on beside covid? oh yeah fucking genocides. jfc.

[meatheadmutt]

Being an addict while simultaneously being afraid of anyone seeing you intoxicated is a fuckin trip

#barks #dont look at me i promise im sober look at how sober im acting #friends have told me theyve seen me visibly drunk but i also have others who id black out with and they never noticed #same with being high #i only recently told a friend i was way too high to move instead of haha yeah-ing myself out of the situation #tbf they were baked as hell too but they werent glued to their seat like i was #which is a chronic issue and contributes heavily to my fear of being intoxicated in front of others #no way man haha im fine im in no way inebriated by my drug use but also dont look at me #i swear this has gotten worse since i did shrooms in public and had a bad trip and became extremely self conscious about my social anxiety #tbh shouldve taken that as a sign to stop doing drugs but like...... . . . .... its a work in progress yknow

[the-kneesbees]

yk I felt really bad about this whole thing at first but looking back I think maybe I dodged a bullet

#its not about me being mean anynore its actually about me repeatedly expressing discomfort and him not listening to me #and then me having to deal with 500 'im so sorry if i made you uncomfortable! im just the worst 😔' text messages #and like. i know i always said not to worry about it #but that doesnt mean keep doing it #yk #cause like id see him in school and hed hug me and shit which i fucking hated #and hed be like oh youre the best your so understanding ive never met anyone like you etc etc etc #and then the whole #'omg did me hugging you make you uncomfortable?? im so sorry omg!!' #post posting #yeah. realizing this is actually the only way i couldve gone about this #qnd the worst part is one of my best friends told me that a lot of her friends dont like him etc etc #and obviously i asked why cause a lot of people dont like me and im not gonna judge people based on random ass rumors #and she wouldnt tell me until i was already in to deep #like if she had just told me from the beginning i wouldnt be in this mess 😭 #its all good though #im p sure he hates me but im genuinely fine with that

[cambriancutie]

working

#its a redraw:) #wip #idk if ill post the full thing bc it has (non sexual) nudity #like. barbie doll anatomy #which ive posted before and it was fine but this has ass in it and i think id get in trouble #gonna take friends advice and if i do post it ill put it under a mature content warning.. just in case

[tomatoluvr69]

Optimism is so wild to me. Like i go so many hours/days mired in the sludge and it’s like wtf why am I in yay mode now. Honestly kind of annoying my own damn self 🙄 like get out of here Zooey Deschanel and take the kittens and puppies elsewhere

#im soooooooo mad that fucking EXERCISE is the answer. fuck offffffffffffff #im glad im on tumblr and not ig because I would be so fucking annoying. id be a poolfluencer and condiment content creator #interview went fine I think??? maybe even we’ll #well 🙄 #also someone I’ve hit it off with a few times in groups w/ mutual friends is doing the legwork in becoming friends which is SO nice #like 🥺 me??

[reconnecting]

rambling dont mind me

#thinking about how the difference between me n my other indigenous friends is like a border or two #thats it #and how that really just can totally remove everything i have to say from relevancy with other indigenous people #like my yukayeke vs my cousins tribe n clan #function completely differently #which makes sense like we're ages apart #literally different countries and opposite sides even if we werent #but i think like #as soon as you get south of the border the 'rules' that northern dudes have made kinda stop applying how you think they do #like my cousin is metis and taino because theyre my cousin #or more theyd be a part of my yukayeke if theyd learn about it i guess is more accurate like #its a bit more complex than how im saying it but yk #but i cant be part of their clan or tribe #which mind you is FINE like its not a bother or anything like that and i dont necessarily even know if id join given the choice #but i find it really interesting like #something about the timezone of when you got colonized and where that border is really changed us #i dont think we need to be this divided in our views is kinda the other thing but also i think that we currently need how certain things ar #like how theyre different #just in order to deal with the surrounding population of people #like shit my boyfriend's family would NEVER admit theyre indigenous even though he wants to reconnect #whereas white cherokee grandma is a whole thing here #well excluding the aztecs but his family considers them dead so im not counting that rn #versus like my taino ass #we're having a whole resurgence of people trying to be proud of their blood in puerto rico #its a HUGE thing to say 'oh fuck we're not dead' like its a MAJOR event thats been happening for the past few years #and its great! its like actually fantastic! #and i really GENUINELY hope it doesnt end up with our yukayekes becoming even more closed off #i hope it ends with 'youre taino? come learn then.' and then we learn #because fuck if i dont love my people but fuck if im not sick of people claiming shit for fun too #idk

[99probalos]

what if I was real and i was going to the mall in my emo little valentines outfit. thatd be fucked up

#i am so awfully bad at taking pictures of myself but yknow what. its fine #its super windy today so im going in this look rather than my 70s vamp look... which includes a big facking cape that id get blown away in #but i like this outfit :] even if my friends said i look like m*rrisey in it #anyways. im gonna get a matcha for myself today and perhaps go to target and get some stuff for my bedroom #bigfoot took the wheel #i need a sefie tag huh #how abouttt. #atticus attaface #also its hard 2 see but my earring is of a little silver pair of scissors :]

[waywardsalt]

Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life! So it’s spooky season so I have an ask related to that. I don’t know if you play horror video games, watch horror movies/shows, or read horror books, but if you do, I have to ask: What is the most disturbing book, or video game or show/movie that you’ve played/watched/read? In my opinion, there is two types of horror: the ones that scare you, and the ones that traumatize you. If you can think of any book, movie, or game that really kind of fucked you up, I’m curious to know if you feel like answering. I hope you have a good day and a good life.

Hey, I’m doing good and I hope you are too!

the answer ended up being really long lol

Woof, this is honestly a pretty hard question, since I can't really name any horror (or otherwise) media that actually left me kind of fucked up for a bit, at least not to the degree where it affected me for a while. I probably haven't been really fucked up by anything since I was a kid, so I'll try and recall what a few things fucked me up back then...

Off the top of my head I know that two different spongebob episodes got me bad, the first being one with that tunnel of love thing (tho tbh i havent seen it in a while so it might still spook me today) and the one where i'm pretty sure for whatever reason squidward gets locked in some small locker and has some kind of fucked up dream, whatever that was. I remember there was an eagle in that one. the eagle terrified me. (i looked them up, and the first episode is titled 'tunnel of glove' and the second is 'squidward in clarinetland'. with how badly that second one got to me, i'm surprised i ended up learning to play the clarinet at all)

other than that, i think the courage the cowardly dog episode 'the house of discontent' got me pretty bad, too, but i think everyone who saw any amount of that series as a kid has at least one episode that got them fucked up.

there's probably a handful of scooby-doo stuff that got to me when i was a kid, but i could not name any specifics (asides from charlie the robot's original episode, christ) because i think i managed to see just about every bit of available scooby media around that time.

nowadays stuff still does kinda fuck me up, but it's usually only for brief bits of time. the most recent example I can think of is cowboy bebop's 20's episode, pierrot le fou, which is honestly some great horror, especially how it uses the show's typical format and flips it on it's head, but i wouldn't necessarily say it got to me because of it being scary, more because of the way the ending disturbed me for a bit. it was the only episode that had me stop afterwards and really look into it for anything other than clarifying a character's gender, lol.

the endings of both neon genesis evangelion and end of evangelion had me shaken, the latter more so than the former, but not really due to horror aspects, though. i did have to take a walk after finishing end of evangelion. i don't really watch horror movies, i just... read the wikipedia plot descriptions of them.

honestly, i think some of the more popular youtube analogue horror series have gotten to me worse (likely due to the fact that they can get a bit more fucked up than, say, a tv show or movie), specifically the walten files (which i did watch) and the mandela catalogue (which i just watched wendigoon's vids on), and those two and mostly because facial distortion is generally just an incredibly effective form of horror imo. a lot of the time (esp with the childhood examples) the way i was 'fucked up' was that id be in be visualizing the stuff that scared me, and both the mandela catalogue and the walten files had me doing that for a bit.

now that i remember it, i was really scared of fnaf when it first came out. i first learned of it second-hand from seeing some other kids looking into it, and the bits and pieces i put together about it really scared me.

honestly, it's usually straight-up disturbing sequences or imagery that gets to me the most, and i know my limits well enough to generally identify and avoid that stuff, which is probably why i don't have too many recent examples. i've got one or two examples of non-horror movies that fucked me up as a kid, but that's mostly because they were wildly inappropriate for someone of my age (at the time) to be witnessing, so that's a different sort of topic.

i mean, i think i generally have a decent tolerance for fucked up stuff in media, anyways, i mean, i enjoy berserk and haven't really been too upset or disturbed by what happens in it (look theres some nasty shit in there im not saying its not that bad) so there's definitionally some kind of line that media needs to cross to really get to me nowadays, or it just needs to be a specific kind of fucked up. books generally don't do that for me so i don't have any book examples. no games, either, though shadow mario and the haunted house segments in super mario 3d world scared me so much that i had to make my mom do the levels for me, and i'm pretty sure scooby doo: first frights scared me a bit when i first played it on ds.

other than that, though, I just think that, in pokemon x, the story that an npc tells you during your first trip to route 14 and then the strange office building encounter with the animation-less hex maniac creeped me out pretty bad.

yeah, it's kind of hard for me to think of anything (recent) that actually really fucked me up or anything. most stuff just scared me, never really fucked me up or figuratively traumatized me in recent years.

#asks #zeldanamikaze #salty talks #i think for media to really fuck me up there has to be some kind of intense emotional aspect to it or have some specific visual stuff #my enjoying of berserk is proof that it takes specific stuff to really get to me. the way i tested if id be fine reading berserk is so #fucked in hindsight. i straight up looked up the two most infamous eclipse chapters online and read them to make sure id be fine #what the fuck. i just dove in head first fucking god #anyways yeah. like berserk is generally fine for me but cowboy bebop episode 20 did have me a lil fucked up. its so good #ive been looking more into horror stuff recently and i have a lot of respect for (well-executed) horror games like damn. i wanna play #silent hill 2 so bad. it's a really interesting genre when pulled off effectively on a level deeper than just 'oh look at this scary thing' #anyways. i recently watched mononoke and its not really horror just kinda unsettling. its so fucking good #tbh tho there are some fanfics ive read that did actually fuck me up (which is why i kinda have an aversion to angst) #but i didnt want to talk abt those bc i dont want to name names or anything. theyre good fics they just affected me pretty negatively #generally its more like. freaky irl things that fuck me up but thats not fun to talk about its just like. depressing #sorry it took so long to reply to this i hadnt really sat down to write it or anything an just. couldnt think of much lol #anyways ig bottom line is that its more likely for non-horror stuff to fuck me up? or its gotta be specific stuff idk #i played a few hours of portal 1 at a friends house years ago and for some reason it creeped me out a whole lot #strangely enough i dont think scooby doo mystery incorporated fucked me up when i first watched it #i think there was like 1 episode that scared me more than the rest but it was never too bad #and that show is regarded as likely the most actually scary scooby thing. its rlly good #im pretty sure scooby doo was my first (or one of my first) special interest #also (similarly) i dont really get nightmares too often my dreams are just kinda really weird most of the time #i did actually have like. a scary dream recently but i dont know if id fully call it a nightmare

[skinnymeanfaggot]

also

#im making huge huge changes in my life and i think the next logical step would be to cut off jamie. ive already been ghosting him but thats #just me avoiding the problem. i just like. it feels fucked to be like hey i told you i was ok with what you did but i Changed my mind #i just think like. i have next to no contact with him and i feel fucking fantastic. we talk like every couple months on the rare occurrence #he can text and then i answer in vague short sentences and ghost. and now that i finally have firm boundaries with him and havent engaged #with him sexually its like. i feel like basically all my ties are cut. and i feel like im ready to let go for the first time. like ive #always felt like i just wasnt ready but now i like i Am ready its just a matter of like. doing it. thats difficult. even though i know hell #accept it because hes matured. and like. idk. i think its fine like this #and idk i think its fine like this. being the absolute barest form of acquaintances. i cannot stress how little we interact and how little #affect he has on my life at this point outside of what happened in the past. like i am in a good place he is 99% cut off i just need to do #the last bit. but like also fuck. you know. its hard to kinda finish it off. and its also like ooh it would hurt his feelings but now i #fucking. dont care lol. after everything. with blue i realize every day just how much more respected i feel and less gross and shitty #even with being jamies friend which we never were because whenever i was single we were sexual. i just felt bad. i never wanted to fuck #either. and he would say he loved me and id be like hahaha yeahhhh and now that ive finally drawn that boundary and said he cant do that #anymore i feel so much lighter and i just feel so happy and safe with blue in a way ive never felt with jamie and its like. im almost there #i feel like i might be able to cut him off by the end of the year. and thats crazy to me. i just also have a lot of like shit to unpack #in general too also. with what he did. and i just have a lot. but i feel like im progressing

[teruthecreator]

new laptop works good :-)

#ignorance cloud on #its got some little quirks i gotta get used to but otherwise i rlly like it :-) #its like. strangely bright? in a way im not used to tho im sure thats just a matter of my eyes needing to adjust #i swear to god that was a thing w my last laptop too. whatever #also the speakers are kinda dogshit but thats fine i have headphones #id rather listen to music without headphones bc they annoy me but its fine #listen man this laptop was like $400 which is WAYYYYYYY cheaper than what laptops are going for by the standard retailers #so im getting my moneys worth is what im saying essentially #but its nice its an acer and my friends said that was a good brand #and its 20 gigs of ram which is swag

[elegyofthemoon]

idk what i do to make very talkative people like me but i keep befriending the most talkative people which is like YAY COOL !!! bc im generally pretty quiet but also augh my energy.

#LIKE IF ANYONE KNOWS WHY PLS LET ME KNOW? I GENUINELY HAVE ZERO IDEA WHAT I DO TO ATTRACT TALKATIVE PEOPLE #friends tag #O YEAH FRIENDS TAG #wait i forgot if this was on here or other blog #oh well whatever #i love my friends #but it seems to be the most constant thing since being in this school #which is great for getting me out of my shell!!! #but also 'wow. there is a pattern i am seeing.' #i really wish i knew/understood what i do kdfjdjdjjs #anyways i hung out w a new friend today #OR WELL #i needed to go study at the library. he wanted to tag along and be productive #bc we both have The Shittiest Desks and Chair ever #so we hung out a bit and studied together #and i forgot how fast time went by bc he was just Extremely Talkative fjdjdjd #like not talkative to the point of disruption bc i had to make both of us study #but yeah it was like ??? HUH HOWD WE GET HERE SO FAST #anyways its fine too bc i was worried that id just be isolated while studying here #which isnt bad im kinda used to it tbh but i was like :( everyones gonna be busy no fun times or fun chats :((( #i tried talking and chatting up other folks from my school here but theyre pretty quiet so i was worried i was bugging them fjfnfn #but then there was this guy and we've known each other since his day 1 here and we're also neighbors so its like #BUDDIES STICK TOGETHER!!! HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTABLE #hes sweet tho!! we have plans to go around to cities and stuff #yes we are studying BUT NEW COUNTRY WE SHOULD EXPLORE!!!! #so hes dragging me to one city. im dragging him to another lmao #anyways. point is. that was kinda lucky i have a talkative/outgoing friend #so im not turning into a plant in my room lmao #snow speaks

[llycaons]

I don't want to ever get married unless a miracle happens or something ig but I particularly don't want the vision of marriage the older women at my old job envisioned for me when they told me I'd be doing some man's laundry. ick

#I barely like doing my own laundry #maybe I'll feel differently if I Fall in Love but ngl I do not see that in the cards for myself #which is a little sad maybe but also its completely fine. #I would much rather have more friends but you see that's going terribly. #I make 1 new friend every like. 1-2 years and then barely see them #my sibling talks abt hanging out w their friends all the time oooh im jealous #I wishhl my mutuals could come hang out Id love to meet you guys in person. #like anyone ive had a conversation with id honestly be fine to meet. im 27. whats going to happen #if I had a wife I actually wouldn't mind as much im not going to lie. atill would be a hard sell for laundry #cor.txt