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jhilsara · 1 month

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I Can See You

Pt. 1/ Pt. 2/ Pt. 3/ Pt. 4/ Pt. 5/pt. 6/Pt. 7/Pt. 8/Pt. 9/ Pt. 10/

Pt. 11/ Pt.12/Pt.13/Pt. 14/Pt.15/Pt.16/Pt.17/END

Mariana Jimenez-Watson or MJ works in a normal pub living life paycheck to paycheck. Nothing exciting happens to her except the occasional drunk getting thrown out. She's 24 working away and finds a wrench thrown into her very boring life. His name is Hobie and she thinks maybe, a little excitement isn't awful. In fact she might start to crave some change for once.

Small moments of Hobie meeting his world's MJ. AKA I made an MJ variant and I think she's neat.

Chapter 13

Hobie’s over and they’re both just lounging on her couch. It’s a rare day she has off and so far, nothing crazy has happened to set off Hobie’s police scanner. He had been coming over more often. When he's not at her flat, she’s managed to wiggle her way onto his house boat a time or two. It’s nice for them to hang out and it not be at her place of work. Not that she doesn’t enjoy the pub, but she can’t have any intimate moments with Hobie.

Not that she’s trying to be intimate with Hobie, but they’ve definitely been touchier as of recent…

By touchy she means actively kissing her friend, who she doesn’t think she’s dating and doesn’t want to ask if they are. Mostly because she doesn’t know how she would even want him to answer.

Which is why instead of over analyzing her feelings for her best friend she’s instead choosing to push it under the surface and try to just enjoy the moments she does have.

She’s laying on the couch but her legs are drapped on top of Hobie’s. One of his hands sits in between her thighs, just holding her in place. His other hand is lazily drumming a soundless tune on her leg. His attention only half on the television playing in the background. His full attention is really on her as she tries to curate a perfect playlist for them.

“Should I organize it in a specific order or just let it shuffle?” She asks mindlessly as she’s scrolling through her music.

“It’s a classic mixtape if ya plan it out yea? Make the order matter right?” He hums to her in suggestion.

“Mmm I didn’t think about it like that. Oh!” She has an idea and sits up to look at him better. “What if we did it like a real mix tape? Side A and Side B, but like we curate one side each.” She says with a bright smile.

He nods in agreement, “I like that. So that’s ten songs each yeah?”

She makes a small noise of satisfaction and plops back down. “Let’s put them on a separate playlist and we can share them together when it’s done, it’ll be a surprise.” She suggests.

They had been doing this for the past couple of hours, just sharing music. MJ suggested they make a playlist to share with each other. It’s escalated into this mixtape.

She’s tapping away on her phone scrolling through song after song, “I don’t know if it’s harder or better that I only get to pick ten songs…” She murmurs to herself.

Hobie’s just watching her with a small smile tugging at his lips. It’s a real peaceful moment between them.

“Choices, choices, choices.” He whispers back leaning toward her.

She looks up from her phone to see him hovering over her with a smile. She pulls her phone against her chest.

“No cheating! It’s not fair if you look before I’m done. That ruins the point of sharing music.” She says giggling.

He rolls his eyes but backs away, keeping his hands on her thighs. “Fine fine, I won’t look.” He leans back into the couch and starts tapping an unknown rhythm against her leg.

Her face scrunches up as she looks through her songs, trying to find the songs she relates to. She is nervous about sharing her stuff with him though… Hobie actually writes and performs music. It’s a small added pressure she wasn’t expecting.

Hobie moves one of his hands to grab her cheek, making her look up at him.

“Relax, you’re thinking too hard about it.” He tells her in a soothing voice.

She rolls her eyes but gives him a soft smile, “I know but, I don’t know, I feel like I’m thirteen and you’ll be hyper critical over my music taste.” She mumbles.

He looks at her with a straight face, “I will be hyper critical.” He says in faux seriousness.

“Oh, piss off!” she laughs shoving him away. She readjusts herself to sit up and face him. “That’s not helpful.” She jokes.

He rolls his eyes, “MJ it’s fine. Whatever you put on there won’t change how I feel about ya. Relax.” He gives her a toothy smile and musses her hair.

She bats his hands away and frowns, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He grabs her waist and pulls her to his lap, wrapping his arms around her and slotting his head on her shoulder. “It’s fiiiiiiiiiiine promise.” He presses a kiss to her cheek drawling out his words.

She turns to look at him relaxing into his hold. She hums in satisfaction at his response.

“Okay, I need to get up or I’ll get sleepy like this.” She tells him starting to wiggle.

He groans in response and locks his arms around her, “Too late, I’ve trapped ya with my superior spider strength.” He tells her jokingly.

She laughs and tries to worm her way out of his hold. “That’s not fair!” She groans in response pushing down on his arms. Which are definitely not budging.

He just grunts as a reply and keeps his hold on her, his laugh vibrating down her back. It sends a chill through her spine.

She opens her mouth to respond to him but before she can they both hear the buzz of the police radio. Hobie sighs and shoves his face into her back, groaning in annoyance.

They both listen in and catch something about a break in down a block of locally owned storefronts.

He releases his grip on her, “Can’t steal from the giant corporations like the rest of us, gotta be the mom and pop shops.” He mutters under his breath.

She just chuckles in response and turns to face him, giving him a soft kiss.

“Guess you better go then tiger.” She says softly.

His face heats up, “That’s new.” He chuckles a bit looking down at her.

Her face burns red, “Do you not like it?” she asks now a little embarrassed.

“No, no, no! I liked it, just different is all.” He chuckles nervously.

“Oh my god, okay, go go! Moments over.” She covers her face in embarrassment.

He smiles and tugs her hands away pressing a soft kiss to her, “It’s cute, like it.”

He pulls away quickly and backs up to her balcony, pulling on his spider mask, “I’ll be back, promise.” He tells her shooting a web and diving off her balcony.

She rushes over to door and shouts after him, “You better come back!”

She sees him wave back to her before he’s gone from her sight. She sighs and fidgets for a moment before walking back to her couch.

She opens her phone and starts shuffling through her music.

Hobie comes back to her flat, tired and with a sore back. Upon entering he notices she’s laying on the couch. He tries to not make much noise and peaks over the couch to see her passed out, phone in hand and music softly playing.

He gives a soft snort and gently pries her phone from her hands. He opens it and sees she’s been meticulously crafting her portion of their shared mixtape. He grins to himself and starts the playlist from the start. He’s too enamored by the thought of her sitting here the whole time fussing over what songs she was going to pick, it has him grinning from ear to ear.

He sits and listens to the playlist in order, it only take around forty minutes, give or take. He sits on the edge of the couch running his hand lazily through MJ’s hair, she doesn’t move except to turn over once.

She’s a deep sleeper and he’s thankful for that right now. He’s crafting his half of the mixtape as the music pours from her speakers. He’s jotting them down in his head. It’ll be a pleasant surprise when she finds it.

Once he’s done listening he takes her phone and adds his own half. Some songs are easy to add, others he had to think on a little bit. One just makes him chuckle a bit and he doesn’t hesitate to add it.

He finishes adding his half and looks over it, checking it one last time to see if he wanted to make any changes.

He nods to himself and sets her phone down. He looks over to MJ on the couch and decides she should probably be in her bed, it was late.

He picks her up gently, nestling her in his arms. She makes a small noise but doesn’t wake up. She squirms for a moment pressing her face into his chest, searching for his warmth. He presses a soft kiss to her forehead and walks her to her room.

He lays her down and she rolls off of him easier than normal. She sighs and nuzzles into her pillow, getting more comfortable.

He covers his face turning away for a moment, finding the moment too sweet. He leaves her room and goes to take a shower. He knew he was going to stay at her place the moment they were lounging around all day. Her flat was just so comfortable…she was comfortable.

When MJ wakes up she’s in her bed and she feels strong arms around her waist. She turns to look over her shoulder and sees Hobie pressed against her. He’s wide awake and grins as he sees her looking at him sleepily.

“G’mornin’ sunshine.” He murmurs.

“What time is it?” She asks, her words slurring together groggily.

“Probably around one in the morning. Maybe later?” He whispers to her.

She sighs and nods her head. She wiggles herself so she’s facing him and wraps her arms around his waist bringing him closer to her. She shoves her face into his chest and mumbles something under her breath.

“What was that?” He asks amused.

She mumbles again, voice still too low and words mushed together for him to know.

“Missed you.” She says more clearly, looking up at him, face red.

He grins and moves one hand to pinch her cheek. “That’s cute, say it again.” He teases.

She groans and puts her face back into his chest, “Not happening.”

“Aww c’mon? You’re so cute when you get like this.” He grips onto her waist and rolls them so he’s on top of her. He looks down at her, with an amused smirk.

Her face is flushed as she looks up at him. “Stoooooop you’re so-” she rolls her eyes.

“So charming? Funny? Delightful?” He lists off with a chuckle.

She groans, “More like annoying.” She replies.

“Ouch!” He holds his hand over his heart in fake pain. He drops his weight onto her pinning her in place. “Ya wound me! My ego, it’s crushed!” he groans in pain.

She’s laughing but also shoving him off of her, “You’re the one who’s crushing me!”

“Guess I’ll just delete my half of the mixtape then, if I’m so annoying.” He goads grabbing for her phone.

She sits up and snatches it away from him. “What?! You added to it?” She’s immediately opening up her music and looking through what he’s added.

He’s smiling at her and shrugs his shoulders, “Ya had it open when you passed out.”

She whips her head to look at him, “Did you listen to it?” her eyes are wide as she looks at him, almost embarrassed.

He scratches the back of his head, “I did, couldn’t resist.” He leans forward to look at her closer, “Came back and you were napping phone in hand, music playin’… All I could see was your scrunched-up face trying to find the perfect songs.” He grins cheekily at her.

She shoves his shoulder lightly. “Can we listen to it together?” She asks softly.

He throws his head back and groans playfully. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her back down to lay in the bed. Nuzzling his face into her neck.

“So cute…” He mumbles into her. His breath fanning her neck, sending a shiver down her back.

“Hobie…” She drags out his name, almost in warning.

He hums and peaks up at her, “You’re just so cute, can’t help it.” He presses a kiss to her neck.

He pulls back and plucks the phone from her hand and presses play on the playlist. He moves her phone to her bedside table and drags her under the covers with him to snuggle. He slots his head back against her neck, arms clinging tightly to her waist. She in turn wraps her arms him and interweaves their legs together into a knot of limbs. Their breathing evening out as they listen to the music together.

They fall asleep to sound of each other’s hearts and shared songs.

Spotify Playlists can be found here: Mariana / Hobie

Please do not come for the music choices I made, I spent way to long on them and I stand by them. I will not take criticism on this, I will cry. I will add art to them later, but collectively this is about an hour of music.

Tag List: @missshelleyduvall

Message if you would like to be added to the tag list!

#hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x oc #across the spider verse fanart #across the spiderverse #hobie x reader #spider punk #spiderman fanfiction #spiderman #my art

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cl0ckworkpuppet · 4 months

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time for my monthly mp3 player propaganda post!

yall. don't fucking stream music off of youtube or spotify. they pay their creators shit. the most generous estimate i could find was artists being paid $1 for every 200 streams (0.5¢ per stream), and unless you're listening to songs on an album thousands times in total, it helps tremendously more to just. buy their albums or subscribe to a patreon-like service for them

mp3 players are laughably inexpensive (you can get a decent one with bluetooth for like $40-50 and you can get away with even less if you forego some features), many of them are drag-and-drop, no ads, decent enough sound quality for the average person, unlimited skips, track selection, regular play and shuffle, playlists, being able to shut off your screen, and more importantly, ALL OF THIS IS AVAILABLE WITHOUT A SUBSCRIPTION. i've always been an avid hater of subscription models. there are some things where it's understandable, but you shouldn't lose access to basic QOL features just because you can't or won't fork over $10-15 a month.

"b-b-but $50 is so expensive!" WRONG. $50 (which is more than i've EVER spend on a single mp3 player) is the equivalent to 5 months on spotify premium without discounts. if you can afford that, it's worth investing into a device that can last you literal years if you get a good one and take good care of it

"but i don't wanna carry around another device!" fair enough, but these things are small enough to fit in tiny pockets (mine fits snugly in the watch pocket of my jeans) and are typically light enough to not be burdensome. if you can carry around your phone, you can carry around an mp3 player

"what if people think i'm weird for having outdated technology" let them. it's worth it in my opinion if it means i get to listen to music ad-free. the most I've ever gotten was "wooooah bro's got the dinosaur tech" and i just thought that was funny personally

"but what if the artist collapses without a constant stream of money!!! i'm not supporting the artist!!!!!" companies try to pay as little as they can get away with to artists. most of that money goes to the CEO and other higher-ups.

"but piracy is bad!" Piracy is a Crime. However, downloading youtube videos/audio for your own PERSONAL, NON-COMMERCIAL USE and NOT REDISTRIBUTING THEM is legal (generally, in the US, check your laws, i am not a lawyer, not legal advice, blah blah blah). besides, i never said you had to pirate your music. in fact, i encourage you to buy the albums of and support your favourite artists in other ways. some artists might even provide links for people to download their songs for free in high quality anyway

not gonna link products just in case someone thinks i'm a shill. but literally just look up "mp3 player" on your search engine or shopping site of choice and find something that doesn't look like it'll fall apart if you breathe on it too hard

seriously guys. if you listen to music more than like a few hours a week, and you don't get all of your music from livestreams or radios (although mine can connect to AM/FM radio), consider investing in an mp3 player. i tried out using one regularly in fall of 2021, and I haven't looked back. don't let companies drain subscription money from you

#music #mp3 player #spotify #youtube #youtube music #amazon music #itunes #apple music #music streaming #subscription services #btw this post isn't for audiophiles #i've said a lot of things here that would make an audiophile rip their hair out #i'm aware of that #this post is intended for the AVERAGE PERSON who isn't picky about getting the absolute best sound quality #but there are some high-end media players out there #sorry i just really hate spotify #and am also autistic #i have almost 600 songs on my mp3 player #<- crazy

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vidavalor · 1 month

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The Blitz, The B-Side and Baraqiel

Another post in a series about how "The Metatron" in the Final 15 is actually Satan.

This also contains a smidge of requested stuff on Baraqiel, who will get a full meta soon when I'm done with ramblings about The Devil.

The B-Side. Song featured on the other side of a record for another song.

"Peggy Sue." 1957 hit song by Buddy Holly & the Crickets. As mentioned to Aziraphale by Maggie in S2, "Everyday" is the B-Side from the "Peggy Sue" single.

"Everyday." Maggie keeps sending records to The Resurrectionist pub for their jukebox and they send her back copies of "Everyday" because Gabriel's miracle for Beez turns every record they play into that song.

When Maggie turns one of the records over-- the one she gives to Aziraphale-- both sides of the record are "Everyday." The "Peggy Sue" B-Side does not exist because Gabriel has eliminated it from being played at the pub in question, which generates "Peggy Sue"-free records as a result. We'll see a little later in this meta how Gabriel actually told us in 1.01 that he's got no time for "Peggy Sue"...

"Everyday" = The Gabriel and Beez positive ending in S2. Choosing true love and to be with that one particular person who makes everything better.

But it's the B-side to...

"Peggy Sue" = um, not "Everyday"-- more the opposite of that-- as outlined below:

Peggy. Nickname for Margaret.

Sue. Nickname for Susan, the root meaning of which is roses of Sharon.

Greta. Shortened version of Margareta. Derived from Margaret.

Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt... aka Captain Rose Montgomery ="Peggy Sue".

Marguerite's. French restaurant on Whickber St. Name means "Margaret" in French. Covered in roses. Making it also "Peggy Sue" and tying The Blitz, Part 1's Greta/Rose conflict directly to 2.06's Metatron/Devil conversation at Marguerite's.

Marguerite's is run by and likely owned by Justine. It is the location of both Crowley and Aziraphale's smitten would-be date conversation while it was open and, while it was closed, Aziraphale's conversation with "The Metatron."

It is where Aziraphale is tempted by "The Metatron"-- who is really on the opposite "side" from what he appears to be. He is not really "the Rose" but "the Greta"-- The Devil.

Bara. Japanese for "rose", in a pejorative sense (similar to the English "pansy".)

Baraqiel... aka Crowley. Pictured above at Marguerite's beside a romantic red rose. The actual anti-fascist involved in 1941 and still in the present and whose side Aziraphale should choose. Greta is a spy pretending to be Rose but Rose doesn't really exist; Crowley is a demon who pretends to be an angel whose name partially means "Rose"... and Crowley and Aziraphale both found out together long ago that the demons can still do angelic miracles so, for all intents and purposes, Baraqiel is real.

In S1, Aziraphale is the self-proclaimed "*the* Southern pansy." In S2, Crowley's B-side fake angel identity of Baraqiel is revealed and part of the etymology there relates to roses.

Justine. Means "just" and "fair." When Marguerite's is open, Justine is there, which relates to that sense of what is right and good and true. Crowley and Aziraphale are at Marguerite's together in S2 when it is open. Their relationship is right and true and fair and good. Aziraphale talks there with "The Metatron" when the restaurant is closed and Justine is nowhere to be found. No Justine and the closed restaurant = foreboding as all fuck.

Marguerite's. Justine's restaurant, where, as we've said, Crowley and Aziraphale met during its open hours. Means "of-- or belong to--Margaret" in French.

French. Aziraphale can't get decent crepes anywhere outside of Paris. And the brioche. And the oui est la plume de la jardiniere de ma tante? flirting outside Marguerite's in S2. C'est si romantique...

Margaret. Means "pearl." Pearls are the rare jewels found in oysters. Like the ones Crowley and Aziraphale went out for in Rome on the day they also first shared some oysters.

Montgomery. Captain Rose Montgomery, the B-side fake identity of Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt. Mont from the Latin for "mountain" and the rest from the Greek "gomari"-- meaning "to load"/"to carry a load or a pack while climbing/man carrying a pack." Means "mountain-climbing person."

"Climb Every Mountain." The Big Damn Song from 'The Sound of Music'. God's favorite tune and the corporate mandate of Heaven, the inhabitants of which do not understand this message or live these values at all. Crowley and Aziraphale get the themes of this musical but seem to have yet to figure out how much they are like the lead characters or that they're in a story that partially parallels this musical.

Maggie. Nickname for (and name derived from) Margaret. Shares a root name with Greta.

Greta. Witnessed Crowley turn up to protect Aziraphale in the church, in a scene in which had matrimonial undertones. Her recruiting of Aziraphale-- that relationship-- prompted Crowley into a romantic gesture.

"...American expression-- played for suckers!" and Aziraphale's gasp at the reveal of Rose as Greta. This all happened *before* Crowley came into the scene. Crowley then confirmed that the trio were "a bunch of half-witted Nazi spies" and that Greta was not really British intelligence.

Maggie. Her talk with Crowley-- which she talked Nina into doing-- prompts Crowley into something circling close to a proposal before it all went off the rails.

"...human expression-- hold that thought!" and Aziraphale's gasp at the reveal by Crowley that the being who had arrived was The Metatron. Crowley, as we'll look at in another meta, is the one who actually helps "the Greta" of this scene hide his identity-- against his will... the mirrored opposite of 1941.

Sister Margareta. The sweet but kind of empty-headed nun that defends Maria during "(How Do You Solve a Problem Like) Maria" in 'The Sound of Music'. As all the other nuns are bashing Maria to The Mother Abbess and saying that she doesn't have what it takes to be a nun, Sister Margareta sings that she'd "like to say a word on her behalf/Maria/makes me/laugh."

Gabriel. Sister Margareta.

Gabriel is Margareta-- is Margaret, is a Peggy. Crowley is Baraqiel-- is Rose, is a Sue. So, Gabriel and Crowley together = our third example of a Peggy Sue scenario. The conflict of Aziraphale between Gabriel or a statue of Gabriel-- representing Heaven-- and Crowley... visually represented in the sushi scene (Crowley presence in significant absence) and in 1827, etc...

Also, just for those who watched Mad Men and think the idea of "Don" being "a Peggy" is fun because Don Draper and Peggy Olson were two peas in a pod...

Back to Good Omens... and over to Gabriel's first scene. So, what famously doesn't our favorite nun Sister Margareta aka Jimbriel do?

Aziraphale-- and the audience-- might not realize it at first but Gabriel is actually not really pointing at the sushi in this scene... at least not exclusively. He doesn't actually comment on the sushi at all, even when it's what Aziraphale defends. What's grossing out The Supreme Archangel here is the tea. The tea is at what Gabriel is pointing when he says "that" and on what he remarks when he tells us what he does not do as a character:

"I do not sully the celestial temple of my body with... rose matter."

The "Rose Matter." The "Peggy Sue" conflict. Aziraphale's core conflict of being a good angel versus being a good person and how his love for Crowley is at the nexus of all of that. First alluded to in the sushi scene. Gabriel informs us right at the start that he'll be peacing out of all of that nonsense lol-- he doesn't give enough of a fuck to be all that concerned as to what their abusers think of them and he'll be around later to teach Aziraphale how to drink far less of "the tea"-- what people say-- at some point. He doesn't quite yet get his own role in why Aziraphale does at that point in 1.01 but he'll start to as a result of S2.

Finally, there's that Gabriel just thinks tea itself-- the beverage-- is disgusting, setting Gabriel up for his hot chocolate orgasm in S2. He's going to "dump the tea in the harbor" in S2 as the resident "American" angel, after all. No "Peggy Sue" pining rose-related shit for Gabriel, thanks-- just "Everyday."

But also...

Rose Matter. Rose petals. Components of rose tea. Gabriel's comment tells us what Aziraphale ordered to drink at the sushi restaurant in 1.01, when he was supposed to meet Baraqiel for dinner. Who is Crowley. Ya know, this Crowley...

...ooh la la, Aziraphale...

Gabriel does not sully the celestial temple of his body with rose matter but Aziraphale consumes all sorts of-- ahem, right, anyway! this was about The Devil lol...

Kleinschmidt. Klein = "small". Greta is a small person-- she is not empathetic, not kind, not forward-thinking. "Schmidt" = "smith", as a blacksmith/metalworker. Someone who makes tools. Kleinschmidt = Small toolmaker.

"And you will be a tool of that glorious destiny." What Hastur tells Crowley in 1.01 when he tells him that Satan has picked him to usher Armageddon and the demonic victory the demons assume will happen.

Toolmaker. The Devil. Kleinschmidt. Small toolmaker. Greta is "the little devil"-- the small plot that both foreshadows and sets up the big one with The Devil himself.

A church. Where the Nazis meet Aziraphale in 1941. Its pastor is nowhere to be found and its altar has been claimed by Nazis, who are planning to murder Aziraphale in this church. A "holy" place that seems of Heaven (the side of "good", supposedly, not really) but is actually evil.

"The Metatron." The being to whom Aziraphale speaks in the Final 15 of 2.06. Seems of Heaven. Actually The Devil.

First little mini post on this topic:

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens meta #good omens theory #good omens 2 #the metatron #final fifteen #the final fifteen #final 15 #ineffable divorce #archangel fucking gabriel

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lokiusly · 5 months

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Analysis: The track in Loki S2E6 (at 45:25) begins with Mobius telling B-15 “They need you in there”.

She asks him if he’s scared to leave the TVA and being out in the real world to which he replies, “Yes.”

His feet scuff the word, “Time”, from the TVA floor plaque. Good riddance. Or perhaps, a thank you.

A turning of the page.

We see the TVA War Room filled with employees, a stark contrast to before, when it was only a few employees who were allowed to be in there— this shows that B-15 achieved her glorious purpose, as did the TVA and its employees.

OB beams with pride at his newly written TVA handbook. His glorious purpose is to live out the sci-fi fantasy book that his timeline self always wrote about. Maybe one day his timeline self will be able to be a successful author too.

Of course, this song is bittersweet…

Ravonna wakes up at the Void, alone, and has to face the consequences of choosing power over love, which is what ultimately led to her downfall. She doesn’t realize that a pruned TVA plaque is at her feet. It’s assumed that she meets Alioth, destroyer of time— or maybe someone else who will get her out of there. She puts on a brave face.

Victor Timely, we assume has had his timeline restored. His younger self never receives the TVA handbook. He can be considered a sleeper agent. Or, a man who will only ever dream of power. He might not get it, but at least he will still have love of discovery and his humanity.

The score stops when Don (timeline Mobius) is in the frame with his kids. Mobius watches them.

The stopping of the score can mean two things. Someone (Loki) is listening. Or, this is not Mobius’ glorious purpose— it’s the absence of it. Maybe it’s both.

Sylvie is there too. Mobius asks her, “Where will you go?” She’s off, in search of free will. Glorious purpose.

This scenes show us the aftermath of Loki’s sacrifice and uses the track to guide us.

The track is called “Purpose Is Glorious.” Meaning, the purpose is in fact glorious. Duh.

But that contradicts what S1 Mobius says to S2 Loki and the advice that Loki takes to heart.

“Most purpose is more burden than glory. And trust me, you never wanna be the guy who avoids it ‘cause you can’t live with the burden.”

Implying, Mobius refused his glorious purpose as a TVA agent and now he lived with the consequences.

We are to believe that Loki’s glorious purpose is more of a burden than a glory. And even his sad glazed eyes at the end shows us this too. He’s not happy to be there per se…

But it is Loki’s glorious purpose. And it’s a burden. But, this is the god who spent centuries trying to find a way. And had they known earlier that there was only one way, they would’ve done it first thing.

This was always Loki’s glorious purpose. And it sucked and it wasn’t fair but dammit, the love they had for Mobius and the others made it glorious.

Everyone would get to live, Mobius would get a second chance.

And there was so much glory in that. Because Loki’s friends would never be a burden.

Mobius could never be a burden.

Mobius was the most glorious purpose anyone could ask for. And he belonged to Loki.

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ididntwanttohavetohauntyou · 7 months

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On the double standards of Taylor’s love life and Swifties’ role in Taylor’s reputation

{Fair warning: this is kind of long and I actually originally wrote it during the Ratty stuff but it’s relevant now and this post from @9w1ft (specifically the tweet) made me think that maybe this needed to be really laid out there. }

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to know what Taylor’s sexuality is definitively, nor am I suggesting that every relationship she’s had with a man was fake, or that she is a lesbian. I myself have experienced enough bi erasure and biphobia to know better, but I had to put this out there explicitly so hetlors don’t have that as a “gotcha”.

Swifties have the lowest possible standards for whom they consider to be a boyfriend of Taylor’s.

Their standards are a) the media has to stir something up b) they have to interact distantly in some public capacity before they c) walk around together (holding hands or not).

I can give you the names so many women with whom Taylor acted like that, often for longer periods of time and with more interaction than a couple dinners and pap walks or whatever she’s done with those men. And that’s without time to go do research which would doubtlessly turn up more names.

To name some examples:

Karlie Kloss, Diana Agron, Selena Gomez, Gigi Hadid, Blake Lively, Cara Delevingne, Martha Hunt, Sophie Turner, Lorde, all three Haim sisters, Zoe Kravitz, Emma Stone, Camila Cabello, Lily Aldridge, Lily Donaldson.

(To be clear, I’m not suggesting that Taylor dated all or most of those women.)

Now, I have no doubt that if most swifties looked up photos of Taylor with a lot of those women they’d go “they aren’t even doing anything in that picture” or “they’re just walking side by side” or whatever else.

THAT’S THE POINT

I’m 1000% sure that if you photoshopped a man into basically any of those pics people would assume they’re dating because they’re walking together.

Almost all of Taylor’s supposed boyfriends have had significantly less interaction with her than those women, but people don’t hesitate to say she’s dating the men. Her team can and will deny it, but swifties will add a name to their list anyway, and that creates a whole other problem.

The sl*t shaming:

In my opinion, the sl*t shaming that Taylor has experienced for about the last 15 years has been, at least in part, because of swifties who jump to conclusions about men she’s seen with. When her own fans believe she’s dated however many guys, it’s that much easier for the media to repeat that and twist it to be negative.

If you wouldn’t look at a random guy and girl standing within a few feet of each other or walking together and come to the conclusion that they must be dating, why do you assume that about Taylor? Or, for that matter, does every person of the opposite gender that you associate with have to be your SO?

[And yes that can easily be turned around on Gaylors, but the whole point is that we aren’t solely using proximity to link potential exes or lovers to Taylor. We actually do the analysis of the lyrics, we break down the connections, we do the research.]

My point is that swifties have contributed on a large scale to Taylor’s sl*t shaming in a way that should make them think twice about who they claim she’s dating. Unfortunately as we’ve seen with this M*tty situation {and now the football guy}, they don’t seem to have the self awareness to realize how they’ve aided such a disgusting campaign of hate.

One more thing: you can say that no one will say those things now anyway because Taylor is on top of the world and they wouldn’t dare sl*t shame the Queen of Pop or “The Music Industry”. You might even be right. But if you do this and feel no guilt or shame over how your actions may have played a part in the several intense periods of sl*t shaming that Taylor has gone through previously, you need to think about why that is.

Taylor said it best in her speech at the Grammy museum in September 2015. She was introducing Blank Space and talking about the situation that made her write the song.

“In the last couple of years the media have had a really wonderful fixation on kind of painting me as like the psycho serial dater girl… It got pretty out of control there for a couple of years because… every article would be like, Taylor Swift Standing Near Some Guy. Watch Out Guy!”

That sounds insane, and it was definitely worse then than it is now, but the fact that it’s happening right now at all is ridiculous. Swifties need to stop helping the media tie Taylor’s name to men as if that makes her relevant. She’s a highly awarded singer, songwriter, and performer who has set and broken records (and then broken the ones she’s set) countless times. Swifties need to stop pretending that dating someone is what makes her interesting or we’re no better than the people who think she only writes breakup songs.

#sorry that this is so long #I’m sure I left stuff out though so definitely feel free to add #okay i’ll shut up now #kaylor #gaylor #gaylor swift #lgbetty #friends of dorothea

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thecreaturecodex · 10 months

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Rokurokubi

"Yokai and Kami" © ArtStation user "Mamslick", accessed at his gallery here

[I didn't much care for the Pathfinder 1e version of the rokurokubi. Not that it's a bad monster; it's a fun take on the rokurokubi as a hag. But it's not a good representation of the actual folkloric entity. The rokurokubi is one of many yokai that seem to exist as a way of entertaining male anxieties about women, particularly in the context of a society as patriarchal as Edo period Japan. So many yokai look like beautiful women... but then they getcha! And a lot of them getcha because you deserved it. These yokai start as humans, and then form from the abused, the neglected and the downtrodden. These people don't have a real voice in society, but turning into a monster lets them act out. Sound familiar?

Which is why, even though the Paizo's 2e rokurokubi has acceptable art, I'm not using it. Because it's a man, and rokurokubi are women in the stories nine times out of ten. Plus, I'm posting this for Monster Girl Summer.]

Rokurokubi CR 3 CN Monstrous Humanoid This woman is beautiful, but clearly monstrous, as she has a neck that is twice the length of the rest of her body.

A rokurokubi is a cursed creature that represents the adage “turnabout is fair play”. The misdeeds of a person, particularly a wealthy, egotistical and stingy one, can cause their child, lover or other person close to them to become a rokurokubi. This especially occurs if the person to become a rokurokubi is abused, as it empowers them to strike back at their tormentor. Rather than sleep, the newly formed yokai begins to play pranks in the night, anything from drinking all the lamp oil to startling people by peering around corners to inflicting bloody wounds. They prefer to ruin lives and reputations rather than kill, at least initially. Most rokurokubi end up quite enjoying their new state, and move around in society after having dealt with their initial oppressor.

Many rokurokubi live their lives as uninhibited and hedonistic people most of the time, revealing their monstrosity in order to get something they want or to lash out at someone who is rude to them. Their necks can be as short as that of an ordinary (albeit willowy) person, or as long as a constrictor serpent's whole body. Their teeth are sharp and inflict bloody wounds, and they are experts at scaring people. Perhaps the strangest ability of a rokurokubi is its ability to drink oil and heal from it. Even alchemical bombs can be swallowed safely, if the rokurokubi manages to catch them in their teeth.

Rokurokubi can form from any type of humanoid, although most of them are human. In patriarchal societies, women more frequently turn into rokurokubi than men, but any sex and gender is possible. They have the lifespan ordinary to members of their original species. A few rokurokubi reject this, making pacts with shadowy powers for immortality—these are the universally sinister rokurobabas.

Rokurokubi CR 3 XP 800 CN Medium monstrous humanoid Init +4; Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +8 Defense AC 15, touch 14, flat-footed 11 (+4 Dex, +1 natural) hp 25 (3d10+9) Fort +4, Ref +8, Will +7 Immune sleep Defensive Abilities drink oil Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee bite +6 (1d4+3 plus bleed), 2 claws +6 (1d3+3) Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft. (10 ft. with bite) Special Attacks bleed (1d4), threatening lunge Statistics Str 16, Dex 19, Con 16, Int 15, Wis 16, Cha 19 Base Atk +3; CMB +6; CMD 20 Feats Combat Reflexes (B), Deceitful, Persuasive Skills Bluff +9, Diplomacy +9, Disguise +9, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (local) +4, Perception +8, Stealth +9 Languages Common, Senzar, one cultural language SQ adjust neck Ecology Environment urban Organization solitary or circle (2-5) Treasure standard Special Abilities Adjust Neck (Ex) As a move action, a rokurokubi can dramatically change the length of its neck. If it reels its neck in, it loses its reach with its bite attack, but gains a +8 racial bonus to Disguise checks to appear as its original species. If it extends its neck, it gains an additional 10 feet of reach with its bite attack, and can ignore cover when making a bite attack. Drink Oil (Su) As an immediate action, a rokurokubi can attempt to catch a thrown flask of oil, alchemist’s fire or alchemical bomb in its mouth. It makes a Reflex save with a +2 racial bonus against a DC equal to the attack roll made with the flask. If it succeeds, it takes no damage and instead heals 1 hit point per die of damage that would ordinarily be dealt. Threatening Lunge (Ex) If a rokurokubi extends its neck and makes a bite attack in the same turn, it can make an Intimidate check to demoralize the opponent it bites as a free action with a +2 racial bonus.

#rokurokubi #yokai #monster girl #monster girl summer #japanese folklore #pathfinder 1e #pathfinder 2e #if i ran the zoo #i take a hammer and fix the canon

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aita-blorbos · 3 months

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AITA for refusing to join my dad's bootcamp?

I am adult, and F. When I was still a toddler, my dad (T) got thrown out of the house by the head of family (i don't actually think i'm related to the head of family? it's more like three or four large families living in the same place tbh) because he had killed a guy (intentionally) and disabled a girl for life (accidentally - well she wasn't the one he was targeting).

Anyway, I didn't know that when T came back at the head of his own group of families (he'd basically been chosen by another, already formed group, to take over their head of family who had died of sickness) and he asked that my twin brother (B, same age as me, at the time we were teens) and I join him because we were his children and it was only fair. Nothing was said about our mom being allowed to come too or anything? It was a bit fishy and people refused to let us go anyway.

But the thing is, ever since T had been banished, the whole group/family has been treating B and I like complete, utter garbage. The only person who treated us well was our mom. B even got an adult assigned to watching over him so he didn't because some psycho killer or something, just because he looks like our dad ig. Now, having an adult watching over each child as they are teens is a thing in the group i'm in, it's not shocking, but there's a relationship based on trust supposed to be born of this care, and here it was the contrary, so it sucked. PLUS! We didn't know why we were being treated like that, because no one told us what had happened to our dad! The adult who didn't trust B only took us aside when we were like 12 to explain to us that the guy was a monster. And he only did it because our dad had been trying to contact us and he wanted us to hear our family's side of the story before T's.

When I was around 15, I snuck away in the middle of the night to join my dad because i was sick of the bullying/harassment/mistrust. When it became public, B was put on the spot (he didn't know i'd left for that either) and refused to join me, which stung but you know. That's his choice and I respect him. It seems that everyone trusts him much more now that he's made a public display of loyalty.

When I came to live with T, I realized he was, actually, a complete POS and I shouldn't have come. But also, people in his group actually treated me well, so I didn't regret my choice. When T realized I didn't want to become a mini version of him, we became rather distant, until he left the group entirely (through no choice of his, may i add).

I learned later that, before I joined his group, he found a side chick with whom he had twins too, but she left before he knew she was pregnant. I learned that when she outed the boy twin (H, at the time a young adult, he's what... twleve years younger than us?) as T's son at a public gathering, like six months ago.

Since then, I've learned that T has been rekindling contact with B and H, when he took contact with me too. He basically tried to persuade all three of us (no sign of his other daughter, but she's in medschool so i suppose that's not the profile he was looking for) to join his bootcamp in which he'd teach us how to become "better versions of ourselves". Because he's an AH and because I've been learning all these years since he left that I shouldn't build my life around what others want me to be, I refused to join his bootcamp, and I advised B to refuse too (i'm not close enough from H to give him this kind of advice).

But now i'm thinking that, since he couldn't spend our childhoods with any of us, maybe he's just trying to keep in contact, you know, through teaching us and bonding with us, with sports and workout being the only things he knew how to do so that's what he focused on. Maybe I'm making a mistake, and seeing, as an adult, what he's like, would give me more perspective? What if i'm being as narrow minded as the bullies from my childhood? IDK what to do.

AITA for not joining my dad's bootcamp?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 6 months

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Sylki Season 2 Thoughts.

So I said in my earlier post that I wanted to talk about some of ep 5's moments in a bit more depth, honestly most of the moments I wanted to talk about were Sylki moments, yeah I know one track mind. I know that a lot of fans are feeling disappointed with the Sylki content we've gotten so far this season and I get it, there is a huge tonal difference to Sylki's relationship in season 2 than in season 1. In season 1 they had that playful banter and alot of cute moments and this season its angst with an extra topping of miscommunication and a side of awkward tension. I'm not here to tell anyone how they should or shouldn't feel about Sylki this season I'm just going to share my own thoughts and feelings.

I personally have enjoyed the content we've been getting for Sylki this season, even though its a very different dynamic to season 1, I do think it makes sense for where they are in their relationship after season 1's finale. When I was thinking about their moments in ep 5 that I wanted to talk about though I thought hmm you know what would be really fun, to kind of break down and analyse Sylki's journey so far this season. So that's what this post is going to be now instead of focusing only on ep 5, I figured I would share my thoughts on the season as a whole so far in preparation for the finale. Now fair warning this did get long as I have way too many thoughts about Sylki couples with just a slight obsession. So I am going to put the rest under a read more link, obviously there are spoilers for the whole season.

Going back to ep 1 of this season, we pick up right after the citadel and Loki is having this problem with the time-slipping. But what really got me was how frantic Loki was when it came to Sylvie. He was constantly rambling about how he didn't know where she was and was instantly concerned when Dox showed an interest in her, he wanted to know who Dox was and what she wanted with Sylvie. Even his own issue with the time-slipping came second to him wanting to know if Sylvie was ok, when he hears that Dox is cleaning out the armoury and thinks she is going after Sylvie, he was ready to drop everything right there to go and protect Sylvie from Dox. He had to be reminded by Mobius that they only had one shot to fix the time-slipping and even then it was only when B-15 said she would deal with Dox and he knew someone would be helping Sylvie that he focused back on the task at hand. Which brings me to that moment right before Loki slips to the future and sees Sylvie, he goes to say something to Mobius, talking about if he doesn't make it back. Now maybe I'm just projecting here but I can't help but wonder if Loki was going to ask Mobius to find and look out for Sylvie if Loki didn't make it back. Just because it did come right after he was ready to march out of there to protect Sylvie from Dox, it seems to me that Loki's mind was very much on Sylvie and her safety at that moment so it would make sense to me that he would want to have a back up plan for someone to protect Sylvie if something went wrong and he couldn't do it himself.

Then we get that moment when Loki is in the future TVA and he sees Sylvie in the elevator. That moment was just so beautiful and yet so sad at the same time. I mean as I said above Loki was frantic this entire episode whenever he spoke about Sylvie, his concern for her was obvious. Then there's this moment where everything kind of slows down and he see Sylvie, he knows that this is the future and he can see that not only is she ok but she is looking for him and is both relieved and pleased to see him. This is the first time he is seeing her since their fight at the citadel and I think this must have kind of blown his mind because after the way they parted he must have assumed she would hate him and never want to see him again and yet here she is happy to see him.

He is so relieved to see her safe and ok that he starts to cry. I think in that moment he just gets so overwhelmed by his feelings, all he's wanted all episode was to know Sylvie was ok and now he can see that she is but it is at that moment that he gets pruned and is ripped away from her again. Also worth noting that Loki is aware that he is on a time limit here, he needs to prune himself within that allocated time or he'll be lost and yet in that moment the sight of Sylvie makes him forget all of that, his entire focus becomes her. And even after all of that, when he finally makes it back safely the first thing he says is that they need to find Sylvie.

I think seeing that Sylvie was looking for him actually gave Loki some hope, he thought she would hate him but she was actually looking for him in the future, she was the one seeking him out and I think that little spark of hope is what drives Loki in the first half of episode 2. Just like in episode 1 Loki's main focus is on Sylvie, as Brad says he's become obsessed with finding her. He still has that impatient panicked air about him as they search for her.

But here is where we hit the first bump in the rocky road ahead. Here's something to know about me, I love angsty plotlines in romantic couples. Like with all my favourite couples when I go back and watch my favourite scenes its always the angsty ones I go to, what I love about those plots in the anticipation of the reunion, the moment they finally come back together again. But having invested in more than one angsty pairing and have learned that the journey to the reunion is usually one step forward and three steps back. Our first step forward was the moment when we learned that in the future Sylvie will be looking for Loki and will be happy to see him, the three steps back is definitely the second half of episode 2.

Their reunion is awkward from the get go. Although Loki got a glimpse of Sylvie in the future, this is really the first time they are seeing each other since the citadel, so obviously there are a lot of emotions involved. You can see that Loki looks kind of hesitant and unsure, and Sylvie at first looks very trapped but then tries to play it off cool and indifferent. The other thing that is significant is that different amounts of time have passed for each of them. For Loki its only been days since the citadel, so all of that is very fresh for him, but for Sylvie, judging from how much her hair had grown out, its has been at least a few months meaning she's had alot more time to process what happened. I do wonder if she ever thought about whether she would see Loki again and whether she imagined the scenario out in her head?

There was a little detail I noticed when Loki approaches the counter and that is when he gets to the counter he looks down at it as if he has just realised its there and realises he can't get any closer, its like he's disappointed he can't get closer. The set up of this scene is really interesting to me because not only do you have that counter acting as a physical barrier between them, representing the emotional barrier between them but there is this wall as well with that stark black line running between them that appears as a visual barrier as well, with Loki on one side and Sylvie on the other:

Again really pushing home this image of there being an emotional barrier between them that they are going to have to work at bringing down.

The acting in this scene is amazing and just so full of raw emotion. I love the way Loki lets out this deep exhale when he first sees her, the tears in his eyes that he's barely holding back. They are both clearly very nervous. They both struggle to maintain eye contact and are really fidgety. The nervousness makes sense as neither one of them knows how the other is going to react to seeing them after their fight at the citadel.

The thing is despite acting indifferent and cold, Sylvie still agrees to talk with Loki, I think if it really was the case that she didn't care about him anymore she would have just said she's got nothing to say to him and sent him away from the get go, refusing to even hear him out. But she doesn't do that, she wants to talk to him.

The first step back comes though when Loki says 'I know I'm the last person you want to see' and Sylvie replies 'correct.' This confirmation clearly hurt Loki, he has a long pause whilst he tries to process that hurt, when he does talk again he really struggles to get the words out and seems really frazzled, he has to take a lot of deep breaths and pauses as he's trying to find the words he wants to say and get them out. It gets to the point where Sylvie has to tell him to get to the point, and she is clearly frustrated. Loki only becomes clear and calmer when he tells her that he saw her in the future. I think that hope he felt when Sylvie was looking for him and happy to see him took a huge knock when he found her in the present and not only is she not happy to see him but she says he's the last person she wants to see. But here he's reminding himself that she might be upset and cold right now but in the future she is going to be at the TVA and she's going to be looking for him. Its that hope coming back that allows him to calm down and actually speak coherently.

But Sylvie then says she has made a life for herself and she's happy. Loki actually looks surprised by this and I think that's because of what he said at the beginning of the episode when he and Mobius were in London looking for X-5, he said Sylvie wasn't there because it wasn't her style it was too safe. I think he's surprised to find her in this calm, safe place and I also think as much as Loki does want Sylvie to be happy, a part of him is upset and hurt that she was able to build a life and be happy without him, especially as he is clearly not happy without her. I think its also that reminder that they had planned back in 1x05 during the blanket scene to find a life together, but now Sylvie has found that life by herself.

Loki then tells her its the future and its going to happen. Here I think he's trying to reassure himself as much as he's trying to convince her. It's him telling himself, its ok she's upset and angry with me right now, things are still broken between us right now, but I saw her in the future, we were together at the TVA and its going to happen because its the future. He's just desperately clinging onto that hope.

But Sylvie bursts his bubble again when she points out that the future is no longer written, that she had made sure of that. Not only is this a reminded of their disagreement at the citadel but its also pointing out to Loki that actually what he saw was one possible future and there's a chance it might not happen.

At this point he desperately tries for a different tactic and goes with we have to work together to protect the TVA and by extension the branches you freed. I think part of the reason why Loki wants them to work together though is because it would be like old times. He's trying to get back to where they were in season 1 where they were a team working together to take down the timekeepers and then to figure out who was behind the TVA when the timekeepers were revealed to be fake. He wants them to be a team again, to be on the same side again.

But this just makes Sylvie angry because she doesn't know that's what he is trying to do, to her it just seems like all he cares about is the TVA. I think part of the reason why she does get angry is because she is disappointed, I think she hoped when he showed up that he was there to fix things between them, that he was there for her, but instead it seems to her like he's just there because he wants to save the TVA. Which is ironic because I really do think he was there for her but just did a poor job of communicating that to her.

Loki then tries that tactic of your home is in danger don't you want to protect it. Which thinking about it was a little manipulative of Loki but again shows that desperation he is feeling, also to be fair to Loki its not like it was untrue. Then of course they get interrupted by Brad and Mobius and discover that Dox is planning to bomb all the branched timelines. What is really interesting here is that despite all her protests and despite claiming that she didn't care, that she had done her part in giving everyone freewill and had now walked away, Sylvie still goes with Loki and Mobius and helps them fight to protect the branches, again something she wouldn't have done if she really didn't care like she claims.

Another interesting moment is after the fight, when Mobius tells Loki that they need to go back to the TVA and Loki looks back to Sylvie before going through the time door. It reminded me of the scene at the end of 1x2 where Sylvie looks back at Loki and waves before going through the time door, she left it open so I think she wanted him to follow, or at least knew he would. I think its the same here, he wants and trusts her to follow him through. He also looks back at her after she does follow him through which creates a nice little parallel later in ep 4 when Loki does that same double look when she arrives.

I do think it is significant that Sylvie does choose to follow him back to the TVA instead of just going straight home, its another case of her words saying one thing but her actions saying something else entirely. But we get another giant leap backwards when the true extent of the damage Dox has done is revealed. Billions of lives have been lost and this is where Sylvie's deep mistrust of the TVA comes into play. As much as she wants to trust in Loki, he had just promised that the TVA could be a force of good, of protection for the branches, yet Sylvie just witnessed a member of the TVA kill billions of lives and the TVA, Loki, was unable to protect them. I do think its interesting that when everyone else was focused on Renslayer's tempad hit, Loki walked away from them to go and speak to Sylvie. He knew how upset she would be about the branches and wanted to comfort her, but also he knew she would be angry and I think he was also desperate to convince her that despite what just happened the TVA could still be something good. Sylvie wasn't having any of it but another moment that really hit me was that as she leaves Loki closes his eyes like he can't bear to watch her walk away.

Another thing that was interesting to me was the very end scene where Sylvie is sitting on her car listening to music. The song she is listening to is Kozmic Blues by Janis Joplin and I think it can tell us a lot about how Sylvie is feeling in that moment. The song is about trying to see the good in things and about hope but always still being let down. The writer said this about the meaning of the song: 'Kozmic Blues just means that no matter what you do, man, you get shot down anyway.' Which to me makes me think that as much as Sylvie says she doesn't care, as much as she says she is happy on her timeline and has made a life for herself, that she has stopped running, actually she's just tired of being let down all the time. She wants to believe that the TVA can be turned into something good, she wants to trust in Loki, she wants to believe that things between them can get better and she wants to be able to open her heart to him again, but she is afraid of being let down again, of feeling that pain again, so instead she is just hiding in her timeline. Sadly Dox pruning those timelines is just another instance of Sylvie feeling let down and thinking that hoping for something better was useless.

The first verse of the song plays during this scene:

Time keeps moving on Friends they turn away I keep moving on But I never found out why I keep pushing too hard and babe I keep trying to make it right Through another lonely day,

To me these lyrics paired with the image of her looking down at HWR's tempad, tells me that Sylvie is regretting her choices a little, or at the very least thinking about the consequences of them. 'Time keeps moving on' no matter how much time has passed she still can't let go of the past and the connections she made. 'Friends they turn away' makes me think about how she and Loki are now at odds, but also how she must feel like she is on the opposite side to Mobius and B-15 who she also formed a bit of a connection to. The lines 'I keep moving on' 'I keep pushing too hard' and 'I keep trying to make it right' I think show Sylvie's struggle. She thought she was doing the right thing by killing HWR and setting the timelines free but things are still going wrong, she is trying to move on with her life but I think she is still feeling like something is missing and I think the thing that is missing is Loki, she misses that feeling of having a team mate, of having someone by her side, fighting with her. Which brings me to the last line. 'Through another lonely day.' I think out of all the lines in the first verse this is the most significant. It's not a lonely day, its another lonely day. Despite saying she is happy ultimately Sylvie is lonely on her timeline.

Come ep 3 it seems like there is a shift in Loki's attitude, gone is mr frantic Loki who constantly insists they have to find Sylvie. Gone, apparently is his obsession with her, now it seems like his focus is on the TVA and fixing the problem with the loom. However I actually think the shift isn't because he has decided he doesn't care about Sylvie anymore, I actually think his new focus is still about Sylvie. In the first two episodes Loki still cared about solving the time-slipping problem and the problem with the loom, it was just that he cared more about finding Sylvie and making sure she was ok, she wasn't his only priority but she was his highest priority. I still think she is his highest priority, I think his main motivation behind wanting to fix the loom is that he wants to protect Sylvie's branch. That's not to say that he doesn't care about the other branches or the TVA and his friends there, of course he does, but I think his main priority is Sylvie's branch in particular. In ep 1 and 2 it was all about making sure Sylvie was ok, now that he has found her and seen that she is ok and been told that she is happy, his motivation has switched to making sure she stays that way. It all comes back to what he said in the season 1 finale, he doesn't want a throne, he just wants her to be ok.

l also think his demeanour this episode says alot, he's just so despondent. Back in season 1 when Loki and Mobius would investigate together Loki would feed off of Mobius' excitement and would also get excited, like when they were testing their theory about apocalypses and when they were searching for which apocalypse Sylvie was hiding in. But in this episode whilst Mobius still has that high energy and excitement Loki doesn't, he is sullen and he is taking no enjoyment from his surroundings, he says the cracker jacks taste like ash, even when he uses his magic to trap that guy in the pig cage, something he would have had a lot of fun doing and would have delighted in before, he is mostly subdued about. He is clearly miserable without Sylvie.

Funnily enough the most energetic and respondent we see Loki in this episode is during the ferris wheel scene with Sylvie. Even though its not a positive interaction it still shows us just how much Loki still cares about Sylvie. Honestly I found this whole scene kind of heartbreaking just because of how much it parallels 1x6 and how much emotion the actors put into the scene.

Once again there is alot of miscommunication and misunderstandings between them in this scene. Sylvie still believes that Loki only cares about the TVA, she even asks him 'do you care about anything but the TVA?' I think she is hurt because from her point of view he doesn't care about her anymore since their fight at the citadel and on top of that he is now trying to save the organisation that hunted her down for most of her life, on top of that he is once again protecting the man who stole her freewill and her life from her. She even thinks that he played a part in 'weaponizing' Victor by giving him the TVA handbook which I think also deeply hurts her.

Of course Loki had nothing to do with that and also has his own fears and doubts about taking Victor to the TVA but from his point of view Victor is the answer to solving the problem with the loom and by extension ensuring that Sylvie and her branch will be safe, in this scene he is desperately trying to explain that to Sylvie and get her to understand that actually he is doing it for her. But I think Sylvie just sees it as him trying to manipulate her into protecting the TVA.

The saddest part of this scene for me is when Sylvie says 'This is all very familiar isn't it.' You can see how much distress and pain they are both in, how much they hate that they have found themselves in this situation again, how much they hate that they aren't seeing things the same way, how much they hate not being on the same side anymore. They are both just so distraught and have no idea how to get back to where they were in season 1, where they were on the same side. To me this is far from indifference, this isn't two strangers who don't care about the other. This is two people who love each other deeply but who have broken apart, who are hurting and who deep down want to find their way back to each other but who don't know how to fix things between them, they are two people who have always struggled with trusting others, who have always struggled to communicate exactly what they want or what they are feeling.

Another really significant moment though is when Sylvie catches up with them and Victor in his workshop. What I find really interesting about this scene is the contrast it shows between Sylki and between the relationship between both Victor and Renslayer but also Mobius and Renslayer. Victor and Renslayer develop a romance in this episode but Victor ultimately betrays her when she says his trigger word, partnership, and in response to this Renslayer decides she's never going to trust him again and is even ready to prune him. Mobius and Renslayer also had a falling out, similar to Sylki, they were friends a long time but in the end they didn't see things the same way and ultimately that relationship broke down. The difference is that again Renslayer refuses to trust or work with Mobius after that break down in their relationship. But in contrast in this moment when Sylvie is confronting Victor, Loki actually takes a step back, and even holds a hand out to stall Mobius, he is trusting Sylvie to make the right choice here, despite everything that has happened, and Sylvie ultimately ends up trusting Loki and allowing him to take Victor back to the TVA, unlike the other two relationships, despite all their disagreements and fights, trust still exists between Sylki.

So now we've reached episode 4 and I think this is a significant episode for Sylki's relationship. I already made a post analysing their pie room scene which you can read here if you would like. I'm not going to go as in depth here as I did in that post because I would just be repeating myself, but I will cover a few key points. The pie room scene that we get in this episode is one of the first times this season that Sylki communicate clearly with each other. Its one of the first times they actually both stop and listen to the other, actually consider what the other one has to say. As I said before I watch alot of angsty couples and storylines and there is usually a pattern to it in my opinion, and Sylki this season are no different. It always starts out with the couple in a really bad place with each other where they are really hurt and angry with each other, they also then have several more fights and disagreements, but they also then have a proper conversation where things improve a little between them, where they might not necessarily be agreeing with each other but where they aren't screaming and shouting either. The pie scene is that moment for Sylki where they do, for once, talk reasonably with each other. Although they don't really come to an agreement in this conversation they do both still give the other something to think about and they at least understand clearly where they other person is coming from and why they are seeing it the way that they are. Loki now understands why Sylvie is struggling to see the TVA as a solution and why she didn't want Victor to be brought to the TVA, he understands that it comes from her fear. In return Sylvie understands that Loki trusts the TVA because he trusts the people in it who are fighting to protect the branches like Mobius, Casey, OB and B-15. This understanding is a huge leap forward for them.

There is also that moment during the pie room scene where Loki says he asked for Sylvie's help but she walked away and she responds 'just so we're clear, no I didn't, I'm here aren't I?' To be fair she's right. Again despite claiming she doesn't care and that she just wants to be left alone on her branch, she still went with them to fight Dox and help protect the branches, she still showed up when Victor a variant of HWR's showed up, she still went back there in this episode and is helping to solve the problem with the loom. So she has shown up, she hasn't walked away.

But another thing I loved about ep 4 was that we once again get to see Sylki working as a team, a little detail I noticed is that pretty much throughout this whole episode they are at each other's side. Finally we get to see them back in that same dynamic they had in season 1 of being on the same side and fighting together. Sure its not exactly the same just yet, there are still some feelings and issues to work through but for me it was a big difference from the earlier episodes in the season where Sylki were having a lot of disagreements. Also I am trying really hard not to look too much into the episode where they do start fighting as a team again being called 'The Heart of the TVA.' It probably doesn't mean anything other than the loom, but I can't help but think about Sylki as the heart of the show.

And so finally we have made it to the most recent episode. Honestly overall I wasn't the biggest fan of this episode, it just felt like filler and like nothing really happened, it was more showing us what the TVA workers lives were before the TVA. But despite that I thought there were some really good Sylki scenes in this episode.

The first bit of Sylki content we get is when Dr B-15 asks if that's everyone and Loki says no there's one more referring to Sylvie. At first I didn't really think much of this moment because like yeah Sylvie was there so if they need to match all the temporal auras then they need her too. But then I've spent the day rewatching the whole season and in ep 4 there's the whole plot of them needing Victor because he's a variant of HWR and so has the same aura. So correct me if I am wrong, but wouldn't that mean that Loki and Sylvie also have the same temporal aura? So actually Loki didn't really need to go and find Sylvie, they could have done it without her but Loki went anyway.

I loved their re-reunion. Loki preparing himself to try and explain their relationship to a Sylvie who doesn't know him, as well as the whole situation and then it turning out that actually Sylvie does know who he is. Also I do think it is interesting that Sylvie wasn't reset like the others. I do wonder if its because they are both gods and maybe that plays into it somehow. But again I am trying really hard not to look too much into Sylvie being the only one who still remembers him, but I don't know I just find that so romantic, I blame my shipper goggles, they're a little smudged. But I also really loved Sylvie's reaction to Loki almost time-slipping, I'm pretty sure that's the first time she's seen it and her immediate reaction is dude you need a drink.

One of my favourite scenes this episode was that scene in the bar. I think I loved it just as much as I did the pie room scene. What I think is interesting about this scene is its very similar to the pie room scene but in reverse. So in the pie room it very much felt like Sylvie was a bit lost and unsure about what to do and Loki was the one telling her some hard truths, like fixing broken things is hard and hope is hard. But in this scene its Loki that is lost and unsure and its Sylvie that is spilling the hard truths. She points out that their friends are back where they are supposed to be, where they were before HWR and the TVA messed with them.

I also loved Sylvie's response to Loki saying she was selfish basically being well duh. But I do think that moment was interesting because of the subtext, Loki's rant about her not caring and how it all worked out the way she wanted. I think he is again feeling alot of pain and hurt, because he is lost and alone and she seems like she's happy on her branch, living her life without him. Its that feeling you get when you've been hoping for a particular outcome but then those hopes are dashed, Loki was hoping he and Sylvie would find their way back to each other that they would build a life together and help their TVA friends protect the branches. Now Sylvie has a life on her branch and everyone else has been reset in their own timelines and the TVA is gone. Loki is more alone than he ever has been.

Slightly off topic here, but I did wonder why it was that Loki was never reset and instead ending up time-slipping and then I realised the sad truth, Loki has no where to be reset too. His branched timeline was pruned after he escaped with the tesseract and arrested by the TVA so he can't be reset there. Unlike Sylvie he never made a home for himself on any other timeline. The place that became home for him was the TVA and the people in it. So now he is being pulled between the TVA and the people he cared about.

Sylvie also asks a couple of important questions during this scene. The first is what is wrong with wanting something and also what does Loki want. Loki really struggles to answer this question even with Sylvie pushing him. I think a part of her was hoping that he would say he wants her. He is eventually able to admit that he wants his friends back, that he doesn't want to be alone. Seeing Loki so broken with those tears in his eyes as he admitted that he wanted his friends back was really heartbreaking. But I do think that whilst Sylvie was hoping that he would say he wanted her and then felt like he didn't say that, actually Loki was including Sylvie in the statement, she is one of those people he wants back but again he is just rubbish at communicating that to her.

You can see how much it hurts Sylvie to see Loki question where it is he belongs now. Going back to the whole angsty storylines having a formula, another part of this formula that I often see is the 'I'm letting you go for your own good' scene. I think we get this moment in this scene when Sylvie tells Loki to go write his own story. There was a lot of talk about selfishness in this scene and I think that Sylvie feels like if she tells Loki to stay with her, that he belongs with her instead of letting him make his own path, then she would be selfish to do so. Instead she lets him go for what she believes is his own good. You can see how much it is killing her to do that and right after she goes to the record shop where she confesses that she had a bad day and then cries whilst listening to music, which honestly relatable.

This time the song she is listening to though is Oh! Sweet Nuthin by The Velvet Underground. The song is about a group of people who have nothing and the opening lyrics that we see Sylvie cry to are:

Say a word for Jimmy Brown He ain't got nothing at all

It's a song about people who are dissatisfied with their lives. So again we have this situation where Sylvie is claiming she is happy on her branch but then she listens to a song that she clearly relates to and it says something completely different.

It's also very telling that when Loki does go back to the gang he follows Sylvie's advice and tells them to go home, he admits that it was more about what he wanted and not about them saving the TVA. As much as it hurts him to admit, he says that they don't need the TVA. It's at this moment that Sylvie shows up and says yes they do. I think this is a pretty big moment for Sylvie but before I talk about that I just have to talk about the look on Loki's face when she shows up, my god he just looked so in love with her, it actually kind of took my breath away. Also its kind of funny that Sylvie shows up declaring that this catastrophic event of the branches dying is happening and Loki's just like 'Heart Eyes'.

But anyway, the reason why I think its such a big deal that Sylvie says that they do need the TVA is because this whole season its been Loki saying that the TVA is the answer and Sylvie saying that the TVA needs to be burnt down and gotten rid off its been the reason behind a lot of their disagreements. But here Sylvie has finally realised that actually the TVA is the solution. Guys, they are finally back on the same page, they are finally both seeing things the same way.

At the start of the episode OB believed that controlling the time-slipping was the key, he also believed that Loki needed to figure out why he wanted to time-slip in order to control. But as the room and the people begin to spaghettify it is seeing Sylvie dissolve with the rest of the room that finally triggers his control over his time-slipping and the first moment he time-slips too is just before he lost Sylvie. I do think this was significant that he slipped to just before she specifically was lost, as there is no reason the writers couldn't have just had him time-slip to the moment when Sylvie first arrives before anyone is spaghettified, so him slipping to just before he loses her must be significant in my opinion.

It is at this moment that Loki realises that its not the what, where or why that is the key to controlling his time-slipping, its the who. Meaning it was Sylvie that was the biggest factor in triggering that control, it was seeing her pain, knowing her branch was gone and hearing her say that there was nowhere left for her to go, something he himself struggled with this episode, that gave him that motivation to control it. It was that memory of hearing her ask if what makes a Loki a Loki is that they are destined to always win, this is so significant because its not just the words she says but the connection they have, back to that moment between them beside the lake on Lamentis, the moment they made that first romantic connection that caused a nexus event when it was supposedly impossible for one to happen. That was what made Loki think, no I'm not losing this time. It all comes back to what I think has been his motivation this whole season, which is that last thing he said to her at the citadel, he just wants her to be ok. It was seeing her not ok that gave him that spark he needed to gain this new power of being able to rewrite the story, as he put it. I also love that Loki turns directly to Sylvie when he says this line because she is the one that told him to go write his own story.

As I said above I actually still have quite a bit of hope for Sylki and I mentioned a few times this formula that I've seen other shows use when writing angst filled storylines about couples who have broken apart and who they are trying to bring back together and I really do think that they have followed this formula to a tee with Loki and Sylvie. They've had the fights and misunderstandings in ep 2 and 3, they've had the clarity talk, where they come to understand the other persons point of view and reasons. They've had the I'm letting you go because I (wrongly I might add) think its the right and best thing to do for you. And now, now comes the best part, the part where they have the big reunion conversation. Where they both put all their feelings out on the table and confess exactly what they've been feeling the whole time but been able to express because the writers weren't ready for the audience to see that just yet. If I am right (and to be fair there's a chance I'm not but I am choosing to hope I am) then ep 6 is when this conversation will happen. It'd be the perfect setting for it, its the big finale, they are in this high stress situation they might not make it out of so to me it would make sense for the writers to put the big emotional conversation in this episode, if we are lucky we might even get a kiss. I think this screenshot from one of the trailers will be that moment:

I said from when I first saw this very short clip that it looked to me from the way she was slowly approaching him that it was going to be a kiss scene. What's interesting is that it looks like they are in timeline OB's workshop that they were in during this episode. So it looks like we might be returning to that location. But I could see them taking a moment alone and having that conversation where they are completely open with each other about how they really feel about each other, where they confess their feelings and then share a kiss. To me it just makes the most sense as the next step in their relationship from what I've seen over this season. Of course I could also just be delulu, That is a possibility.

But anyway, those are my thoughts on Sylki so far this season. I am eagerly awaiting to see what will happen in the finale, in general and when it comes to Sylki, I would love for my theory about them reuniting romantically to be true, but only time will tell. Sorry that this got so long and thank you if you have read all the way to the end. In the meantime if anyone has any asks or wants to tell me there theories, my inbox is always open, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

#sylki #loki spoilers #loki season 2 spoilers

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coffeedepressionsoup · 4 months

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Somebody Does Love | MYG - They Meet Again pt. 2

Pairing - Yoongi x F!reader

Summary - "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Two people are in love but that is not enough because sometimes loving requires courage. This is the one where fate plays games and Sammy plays Cupid. Part 3.5 of Somebody Does Love.

Series Masterlist

Genre - fluff, strangers to lovers, eventual smut and angst

Word count - 1.4k+

Warnings - lil swearing

Ratings - 13+

Taglist: @majiiisstuff @starlighttaek8 @yoongrace @proudnoona

A/N - Hello lovelies. Been in a writing slump. This is short-ish. Apologies if it's not too good. I had to get it out of my system to jumpstart my neurons. Not proofread.

“No, but if you resell it, you’ll get a good price,” Jaehyeong exclaimed.

“Are you sure it’s not a dupe?” you asked, chugging the last bit of drink in your glass.

Hoseok shook his head vehemently across the table and reached out to grab the lapel of the jacket in question, the one Dojoon was wearing now. He turned it inside out to show the lining where there was a textured material. “You can fake it down to the buttons, but not this.”

The jacket had gone around the room and everyone was fascinated by your kind knight-in-fancy-designer-jacket kitten rescue story.

They were equally amused by you being stood up by said knight. All of them had their theories - Jaehyeong claimed that the stranger was too rich to remember about the jacket, which Hajoon agreed with. Therefore, selling it on a second-hand fashion website was fair.

Dojoon claimed that the knight in question did not bother going back for the jacket because it probably was a gift or reminded him of a former lover and instead considered the opportunity of the jacket being used as a temporary kitten carrier by a stranger as good riddance. Yijeong agreed with him. Yijeong was Dojoon’s twin from another mother. They have been friends for a long time. They often agreed about a lot of things.

Sammy and Hoseok, however, blasted this guy-they-did-not-know the moment you told them that you waited almost 2 hours at the cafe, convincing yourself every 15 minutes to wait for another 15, on the off chance that he was stuck in traffic or whatever. Eventually, you thought a third cup of coffee would be a bit much that late in the evening and you also did not want to fill yourself up with bagels since you already had dinner plans.

Sammy called him several colourful alternatives of “jerk” every time the stranger was brought up. Hoseok passed you the chicken bucket and said, “It’s behaviour like this that shows, you can’t buy character.”

The only one who was quiet on the issue - who just nodded curtly to every opinion on the table - the one who downed seven of his nine big pegs till now in a single swig, was Yoongi. His silence on the issue was seen by his friends as a) him being shy in front of the new person joining them that evening, b) him not giving a fuck about the matter.

His silence and aversion of gaze every time it met yours was, however, read by you as disinterested, bordering on dismissive. Before you were a couple of drinks in, looking at Yoongi and trying to interact with him gave you weird little knots in your stomach.

It wasn’t you feeling intimidation or being starstruck. Age and years of being friends with Sammy had made you immune to celebrity vanity. Of course, you knew who Min Yoongi was. You loved his music and have been the longest fan of his group. When Sammy initially told you about the plan for the night, you had screeched hard enough to spook Woolfie out of his nap.

[His idea was to introduce you to some of his friends in Seoul to help you find your circle here, in case you connected with some of them. Not that he patronised your socialising skills but he knew that more often than not you had a habit of pulling yourself into a shell of seclusion, much to your detriment. Back in your hometown, you had other friends to pull you out of the occasional slump. In a new city though, you could see how easy it would be to melt into the background and continue having cup noodle meals in a nook of your apartment.]

But it wasn’t that.

You felt Yoongi’s gaze upon you sparingly enough throughout the evening to not be spooked but enough to know that he was avoiding direct conversation with you on purpose. So after your eighth drink of the night, when you and Yoongi were the only ones awake at the table, you decided to grab the bull by its horn.

Hoseok and Hajoon had moved to the kitchen to attempt to dig ice cream out of the freezer to satiate their craving for ice cream soda, and Sammy was passed out peacefully on the floor, with the fancy designer jacket acting as a cover. The rest of the party had left.

You sat up straight, well, as straight as you could sit without tipping over and rocked your body back and forth, ever so slightly. You crossed your arms over your chest and cleared your throat. Yoongi, pretending to be engrossed in his phone, looked at you from the corner of his eye, still making sure his back was slumped against the big sofa in the living room, urging every functioning neuron in his body to help him feign relaxation.

“Is there something about me you dislike?” you asked. You saw the finger scrolling on his phone pause.

Yoongi did not move for a couple of seconds. He hoped that he could pretend to not hear. But his jerk score had been through the roof this evening and he did not intend to take it any higher. He looked towards you and you drew in a breath, waiting for him to respond. He folded his outstretched legs to bring his knees up to his chest as he hung his arms over them, one of the hands still holding his phone. He said, in a voice deeper than you anticipated, “No, I don’t dislike anything about you.”

“Is it my presence itself that puts you off then?”

“No.”

“Then why have you been-”

“Avoiding talking to you?”

“Yeah?”

“You remind me of someone.”

“Oh!” your firm tone from earlier softening significantly. Yoongi could see confusion in your eyes as you struggled for an apt response to that. You had probably anticipated some amount of hostility but you “reminding” Min Yoongi of someone was not on your bingo card of the evening.

Was it a friend? A lover? A colleague? A no-one?

Before you could ask anything further, a very drunk Hajoon planted himself next to you. Hoseok followed him and handed you a beer glass full of ice cream soda. He also helped steer the conversation towards your move to Seoul, asking you more about your position at SNU and how you were friends with Sammy. Hajoon occasionally filled in on details that he was aware of including anecdotes from the few times you have met the band on tour when visiting Sammy.

This time though, drunk as you all were, the dynamic in the room changed. Yoongi was actively involved in this conversation. Listening, reacting, asking. This time around, he held your gaze, albeit fleetingly. The knots in your stomach shifted form. This time, it was less uncomfortable. During your recollection of drunk Sammy stories, you may have also heard Yoongi chuckle wholeheartedly at the story of how the two of you had once managed to nick a stranger’s toupe.

The throaty sound of his unadulterated amusement reverberated in your chest. But you tried to gather your thoughts so that you wouldn’t be caught swooning at a rapper that millions of people around the world wanted to marry.

Yoongi, on the other hand, could not look away from you. Did not want to either. Your confrontation with him earlier that hour had pulled him out of his head, his feelings of guilt and embarrassment from earlier that evening taking a back seat.

In its place, he felt the same warmth he felt when he saw you comforting the kitten. The disappointment he felt when he thought he had blown his only ever chance of seeing you again faded away. He felt relieved. Hella guilty, but also relieved. He could hope to see you again. He could hope to hear your voice again. He could hope for an opportunity to share a comfortable silence with you someday or a coffee.

#min yoongi #bts x reader #yoongi #bts suga #suga #bts x y/n #bts fic #yoongi fic #bts #bts scenarios

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liminalmemories21 · 7 months

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Fuck It Friday (kind of)

tagged by @jesuisici33. Thank you!

I don't actually have anything new because all I'm doing right now is editing - so have a very long cut scene from We Were in Screaming Color instead.

I wrote it before we found out that (a) they'd definitely never been to New York, and (b) that Carlos doesn't want kids. It got cut down to like a paragraph about them going up to a seder in Dallas for Passover in Chapter 6. But, I actually really liked it, and missed the opportunity to have more of TK with the family he left behind in New York - Jonah, Enzo, Enzo's family. Also, I think I hadn't quite worked out how old I thought Jonah was at this point, so some of the developmental milestones might be off.

tagging anyone who wants to play with new stuff or outtakes in return.

Carlos has no baseline for what to expect from either New York, or from a Passover seder. He's seen New York in movies and TV shows obviously, and he's learned it more intimately from the stories that Owen and TK tell. [something] They're not staying for that long, and they're going to a seder on Saturday and Easter lunch with Enzo's family on Sunday, but TK promises that he's taking him into real New York before they leave.

Enzo makes a face at TK. "Queens is real New York."

TK snags a piece of grape from Jonah's plate. "Debatable."

Enzo rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Snob."

TK shrugs and doesn't disagree, just leans in to whisper to Jonah. 'We'll take you with us, you're never too young for dim sum."

Carlos has ever less idea what to expect from a seder. He's read about it, but that's abstract. They're going to a seder at friends of Gwyn and Enzo's, a family TK has known since childhood. He'd made a complicated face when Enzo had told them a few weeks ago, and said with trepidation. "Is Miriam going to be there?"

Enzo had laughed so hard down the phone that he'd dropped it. "She hasn't had a crush on you since she was 15, TK. I think you're safe."

"You're not the one she tried to hit on every holiday," TK says sourly.

Carlos does his best to keep a straight face. "How old were you?"

"A year older than her." TK grins suddenly. "To be fair, I'm pretty sure I spent a lot of time at holiday dinners trying to awkwardly hit on her older brother, so you know."

"You did," Enzo says dryly. "Every adult in the room suffered from schadenfreude watching the three of you."

The seder is lovely, long, although not as long as he'd been vaguely worried it would be from some of the blogs he'd read online, and as far as he can tell MIriam doesn’t try and hit on anyone except her wife. He doesn't understand half of what's happening, but he nods at the right times, and takes the things that are handed to him, and piles his plate when they finally eat. Mostly he watches TK and Jonah, and soaks in how alike they look, and how natural TK looks holding Jonah in his lap when he falls asleep halfway through the seder. He has the same double vision he’d had at Hanukkah, of TK now with Jonah, and TK in the future sitting at a table with their children leading them through these same traditions.

Everyone tells stories about Gwen, and some about TK when he was younger, which make TK's cheeks burn red and bury his face in his hands. "You are not allowed to tell anyone at home any of this," he hisses at Carlos when the conversation ebbs at one point.

He grins and crosses his fingers and nods. "Absolutely."

TK narrows his eyes at him. "Just remember I talk to your sisters."

He nods seriously and then turns to Mrs. Fereira, “What was that you were saying about the play TK was in?” and dodges the pinch to his leg from TK.

Enzo vetoes making Jonah sit through two long religious events in two days, and they skip Easter mass on Sunday, but they do go out to Long Island for Easter lunch. He thinks Enzo might have preferred to skip that too, let Jonah nap rather than get overtired and overstimulated two days in a row, but apparently his mother was willing to let them skip mass, but lunch was non-negotiable.

Enzo looks at Carlos as they pull up to the house and says, "I apologize in advance for literally everything."

TK snorts and reaches for Carlos's hand. "I'm calling this payback for that first lunch at Tia Lucy's." Carlos considers that, and decides that's probably fair.

He gives up trying to remember anyone’s names or relationships about three people in. At some point he gets handed a plate piled with so much food that he thinks he’s not going to need to eat for a week after they leave. The woman sitting next to him snorts at the look on his face and volunteers her name, if not her place in the extended family, although he thinks she’s one of Enzo’s nieces. “I’m Emma. Sorry about the family.”

He smiles and takes a bite of the lamb and wonders who made it and if he can get the recipe. “Don’t worry. My family is a lot like this too.” It explains a lot about how easily TK had weathered that first lunch at Tia Lucy’s if he’s got this kind of experience under his belt.

She gives him an evaluating look, decides he’s telling the truth and says, “Well, in that case I guess apologies for taking you away from your family on Easter.”

He eyes the way TK has been suborned into a game of snakes and ladders by a group of kids, and the way Enzo’s alternately watching TK lose to a bunch of seven year olds, and keeping an eye on where Jonah’s trying to pet an elderly long suffering cat. “You’re not.”

She gives him a sharp look and then nods with satisfaction and offers. “Nonna practically adopted TK, you should probably expect an interrogation at some point.”

He tips his fork to her. “Thanks for the warning.”

She shrugs, “He looks happier than I think I’ve ever seen him, and Enzo likes you, so you’ll probably survive just fine.”

He doesn’t get interrogated by Nonna Luisa exactly, but she does ask for a rundown of his family, and job, and prospects and then starts telling stories about a younger TK, and Enzo, and Gwen, and he thinks that means he passed. TK seems to soak up the stories, even as Carlos can see how they weigh on him. He nudges his thigh next to TK, letting him borrow whatever strength he needs. TK reaches for his hand, thumb against his pulse point and draws him into the story that Enzo's sister is telling about the time Gwen tried to make lasagna.

"Wait," he says, "I didn't think your mother cooked."

Enzo's sister snorts at the same time TK does. "She really really didn't," TK confirms.

Enzo's sister's laughs so hard as she repeats the sequence of phone calls from Gwen that half the story gets lost, and Enzo comes over to investigate what's going on.

His mouth twists in a rueful grin when he hears. "She wouldn't even let me see what she'd made when I got home, took the trash out before I got there, and ordered Ethiopian from a place down the street. She said she loved me, but she was never doing that again and if that was a deal breaker I should pack my bags and leave now, like she somehow thought that I had missed that the two of you lived on take out, and whatever your babysitter made you in the afternoons."

TK grins, and it's only a little melancholy. "You spoiled us both when you moved in."

Enzo reaches out to ruffle his hair. "Well, I had to bribe you with something to let me stay."

Enzo has classes on Monday, but they're not leaving until Tuesday morning, and they take the time to go out to Gwen's grave. They take Jonah with them, and Carlos keeps an eye on him as he toddles around the cemetery while TK folds himself down next to the temporary marker. The unveiling will be in late July, and Carlos has already put in for vacation time to come up for it.

He takes a few steps away to give TK privacy to talk to Gwen, and crouches to take the stick that Jonah solemnly hands him. He turns at TK's voice, raised just loud enough to carry.

"Hey, Jonah, come say hi to Mom."

He takes Jonah's hand to help guide him over to the grave, and then lets TK settle Jonah on his lap. Jonah squirms a little, and doesn't really understand what they're doing here, but he catches enough of TK's mood to settle for long enough to obediently say hello to Gwen and Carlos feels his heart clench when Jonah offers TK a small rock he has clenched in his fist. He can see the tears on TK's lashes, but his voice is somehow steady when he tells Jonah, "That's perfect, honey. Do you want to put it on her grave?"

Jonah looks a little dubious, but puts it on the marker and then looks at TK for approval. TK kisses the top of his head. "It's a way for us to remember her," he explains to Jonah. He scrubs surreptitiously at his eyes and pushes himself up. He looks at Carlos. "You want to talk to her?"

He nods, and squeezes TK's hand as TK stoops to pick Jonah up and walks a little bit away for them to look at the buds on the fruit tree nearby. He sits on the ground in front of the grave, in the same place TK had. He's never really done this before, never really had anyone that close to him who's died. He feels a little awkward, but, "Hi Gwen. Your son asked me to marry him, and it was the best day of my life. I know I screwed it up a little after that, but he's got more patience than most people give him credit for, and he's got so much patience with me even when I don't think I deserve it." He puts a hand on the ground. "I promise you, I am going to love him for the rest of my life, and I am going to try every single day to make him happy." His voice catches in his throat. "I wish you could be there, to dance at our wedding, and tell me you told me so, and make him laugh. But, even if you aren't there in person, I know that you will be there in TK, and in Jonah, and in the memory of every person you met and loved, and through me for him. And, I am so grateful for that. I don't think I have words for how grateful I am for him, and that you trusted me with him. I won't let you down, I promise.."

When he looks up, TK's watching him with a small tired smile. They go to lunch afterwards at the tiny dim sum shop on Spring Street, and they cut up a dumpling into little pieces and let Jonah gum at them. The owner remembers TK, and looks sincerely upset when he tells her that Gwen passed, and brings them out a plate of bao they hadn't ordered, and when TK says thank you Carlos can hear the tears in his voice. "They were her favorite," TK says when they're alone. "I can't believe she remembered that."

When Carlos suggests they just go home after lunch TK only makes a token objection. "I was going to show you Manhattan."

He nudges TK towards the subway, and hopes he's remembered the right one. "We'll be up here a lot more times, you have years to show me New York. Right now I think we all need naps, and he nods at Jonah who's already conked out in his stroller.

TK's mouth twists with amusement. "I think I envy him a little."

They're playing blocks with Jonah when Enzo gets home that afternoon, and he makes a face as he sits down on the carpet with them. "I am too old for this." He points a finger at them, "Let this be a lesson, have your children when you're young. Or," he reaches out to cup the back of TK's neck, "acquire them when they're past the age of crawling on the carpet." TK grins and ducks his head, and offers Enzo a hand to lever him up off the carpet.

TK gets quieter the later in the evening it is, but it isn't until after they've put Jonah to bed that he says, "I really miss Mom."

Carlos curves a hand across his knee, anchoring him, and Enzo reaches out a hand to TK and holds it firm when TK takes it. "I know, kid. Me too. Every day."

When he comes back from brushing his teeth he finds TK standing in the bedroom, staring at the framed pictures on the dresser. It’s a timeline of TK as a kid, with Gwen, with Owen, with Enzo, in the middle of a pack of kids he thinks he recognizes as younger version of the people he met yesterday, a prom picture of TK with another boy in a tux, both of them looking gangly and awkward. He comes up behind TK, looping an arm around his waist and peering over his shoulder. “You were a cute kid.”

TK twists his neck to smile at him. “I think Enzo’s cherry picking the pictures. I know Mom and Dad showed you all the embarrassing ones, don’t lie.”

He grins. “Yeah, possibly.” He drops a kiss to the back of TK’s shoulder. “What are you thinking?”

TK sighs and traces a finger along the edge of a picture of him and Gwen at a restaurant somewhere, both of them grinning and laughing. “I keep thinking it’ll get easier, that some day it’ll feel like less of a shock to remember that she’s gone. But then Dad’ll say something and I’ll think I have to tell Mom that, or there’ll be something I want to ask her about, or something I want her to tell me how to do, and I’ll remember that I can’t and it’s like hearing Enzo say it for the first time all over again.”

He steps up closer behind TK, tucking his body closer. “It hasn’t even been a year yet, sweetheart. Give yourself time.”

“There was so long when I never imagined that I’d get married, not really. But Mom always thought I would.” He turns in Carlos’s arms to look at him. “She said she knew you were the one, even if we never got married that you were the one. She would have loved helping us plan the wedding.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow and says dryly, “Because what this wedding needs is more opinions.”

TK grins. “Yeah, but she would have fought with Dad, and it would have been epic and we could have done whatever and neither one of them would have noticed until it was too late.” He stops abruptly, swallowing hard, and Carlos can hear tears thick in his throat. “She’s never going to see me get married. She’s never going to meet her grandchildren.”

And Carlos aches for him, and folds him closer and lets him cry, and curls up with him in bed when TK will let him coax him under the covers.

TK hugs Jonah for a long time the next morning, until Jonah wriggles away, but comes back with a handful of acorns that he holds out to TK. TK looks at them bemused, and Enzo stifles a laugh. “He collects them. It’s an honor if he’s giving you one.” TK nods and takes his time picking one out and says thank you.

Enzo hugs him too, whispering something in his ear that makes TK hold on for a moment longer. And then Enzo hugs Carlos too. “Thank you for coming up.” He looks at where TK is squatting next to Jonah. “I always forget how much I miss him until I see him again.

“We’ll be back in July,” Carlos promises, “and then we’ll see you for the wedding.”

Enzo nods. “Gwen really loved you. She was so sure that the two of you would end up married. I like to think that somewhere she’s gloating, and annoyed that she can’t make bank collecting on all the pots she had a finger in.”

Carlos laughs, and TK looks up, and then pushes himself up. “We need to leave, or we’re going to tempt fate getting to the airport on time.”

#outtakes #S4 interstitials #911 lonestar #tarlos

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