#which i know sounds vague but like. im being vague in purpose bc it literally can apply to anyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

literallyexploding · 8 months

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(long ass) vent post

you really can't win with a lot of people fr bc they're gonna say you're faking mental illness if you act like you're ok but if you act any other type of way you're annoying and off-putting

also like idk I'm not TRYING to be miserable and things suck a lot less if you at least act like you're enjoying them but that doesn't mean Im doing well if I say I'm not

and these fuckers are gonna literally cancel me if I ever mention anything I'm thinking beyond the most vague allusions to a depressive aura. like people be like asking me questions about this shit and then getting mad at the answer like don't ask people about their trauma/bipolar/ocd/anything if you're not in a place to hear about it

"what are intrusive thoughts?"

oh they're whatever is the most evil and frightening to you and you kinda just get pop up ads for that shit all day

"ok well what ones do you have?"

and I start with light ones and they ask what other ones I have bc they don't sound that bad but then they get mad and don't wanna talk to you when you tell them the worse ones because no one listens to the part about it being the WORST THING YOUR BRAIN CAN CONJURE UP like bro I don't WANT to think about and see that shit all day it's INTRUSIVE and a DISORDER and I'm upset by it I'm not like wow! I really enjoy this live footage of my auto-disembowelment 20 times a day! this is my sexual fantasy! I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway I just wanted to think about this!

so few people actually understand me on any level and it sucks honestly it really feels as if no one really gets it sometimes and it's so isolating to be weird even to the weird people it's like I'm the wrong type of weird. like y'all like to joke about being weird off-putting delulu schizo autistic whatever the fuck i don't think some of you get that it sucks and it hurts to experience those things

it hurts every time someone asks if I'm a school shooter or gonna go off the rails or a sociopath or whatever else. everyone is scared of me no matter what I do to my appearance and how I try to act and it makes it so hard to meet people when you have to do all the approaching and leg work because no one wants to try to get to know you. Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings and empathy and sympathy it's just really hard for me to show it in a neurotypical emotional way I tend to just say how I feel rather than show it.

I have pretty thick skin and generally think it's funny to get insulted and DC whatever secretly enjoy it even but the one thing that really still hurts is knowing that people genuinely think I would ever hurt or kill someone on purpose. all I've heard from people my whole life is "I used to be so scared of you but you're actually nice!" which is usually meant well but idk it feels so backhanded after you've heard that you're "actually nice" 30 times because it's a huge shock. and the school shooter shit is just ridiculous honestly like what is your evidence here? that I dress in black and I'm not your sexy goth mommy I'm a little bit awkward and have unconventional interests? bc none of that makes you evil like at all

my friends being my friends ofc say I'm not super awkward and cold but the reality of it is that's how I come across to a large amount of people that I interact with especially with strangers and large settings and it doesn't help to look emo or whatever but one thing I'm not compromising on anymore is my appearance. people didnt treat me much better when I was somewhat within the guidelines of Christian womanhood like sure they called me pretty and hot but it's not like I had any more friends or a better life or more respect. I still scared most people bc nothing about me actually changed. like at least now I wear clothes I feel more confident in. imma look like this and those homophobic hating ass mfrs standing on the street yelling can eat my ass about it

the end (here's an Easter egg for reading this far)

#vent post #TW Vent #vent

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abigailinc · 3 years

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this just in: abby finds out theres a tag limit

#first time in my 7 blogging years here on tumblr.com that i’ve reached it!#anyways like i was saying and again #i have no ides why i’m posting this here it just feels right for some reason and im all about following my heart now #normally i dont post stuff abt my personal journey on here bc i dont feel the need to lol. thats my Bees Wax and also who woulf care enough #to want to read that anyway?#but i digress #the whole stepping into the unknown thing is totally new to me #i thought i understood it before but what i’m experiencing now is Actually totally new in a very different way #to sum this all up i guess id have to say that #if you’re reading this for some reason and you experience internal suffering #which i know sounds vague but like. im being vague in purpose bc it literally can apply to anyone #ur probably suffering because of ur ego #whether u realize it or not #if u dont wanna confront that yet then dont force urself to #if u do #then do #a

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urmomsstuntdouble · 3 years

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ok not sure how comprehensible this post is gonna be but! regarding the languages discussion, here are my thoughts about the anglo americans. be warned this post is long as fuck, but thank you so much if you do read all of it, and i’d love to hear your thoughts about it as well!

so i just wanna start with alfred’s name- alfred. i think he may be named after alfred the great of wessex, who may or may not have been the first king of england. he wasn’t technically the king of a unified england that we’d think of it as today- he was the king of wessex, as his title implies, but there was a point at which he was “in charge” or however you want to put it of most of present day southern england. anyway this presents the first of his issues with his identity. he’s permanently tied to britain beyond just his culture and most common language- his name is a reminder of who he “belongs to.” of course most people don’t know that and they just think it’s a little odd that this 19yo miles morales type is called alfred but eh, what are you gonna do.

then you have the fact that there’s no official language in the US, which makes things a little harder for him. he’s never sure what language he’s supposed to be speaking in, as the human representative of america. he thinks it should be english, seeing as that is the lingua franca, but there’s times when he just doesn’t vibe with english as a language. i mentioned before that he struggles with keeping his (spanish) dialects straight (which @cupofkey summed up as immigrant-kid-syndrome and that’s exactly it), although its not limited to just spanish. he also has a hard time keeping other shit in line, to the extent where his thoughts are a messy jumble of languages, concepts, images, and feelings. this is most evident when he’s nervous, because his accent will get super thick and he’ll start just saying the words that pop into his mind, even if they’re in another language or straight up not words at all. the only peson who can understand him when he’s doing this is canada. both of them are countries of immigrants, although they are different in who immigrated and when, so they dont have the exact same nervous tick language, but it’s close enough that they can communicate well. it’s sort of like a more global version of europanto? might sound something like this to an outside observer, but again, more global (also for the video they dont start talking until 1:17).

america and canada also have a sort of inextricable bond because of the first nations people. the first tribe that comes to mind are the members of the okanagan national alliance, which straddles the present day border of british columbia and washington state (this is also something america shares with mexico). it’s caused a lot of pain between them personally, and with the okanagan nation. just as the border itself is vague- though the us-canada border is more respected than the okanagan borders- the parts of their identities are also vague. they feel bits and pieces of themselves ebbing and flowing, and matt and fred have gotten into arguments about it because they struggle to define their identities and they just want to be able to explain themselves to themselves. but you know that often winds up causing friction with the okanagan nations, because whatever issues with identity regarding their indigenous people fred and matt are having. they’ve got it worse, only in a sort of..negative image. like whereas fred and matt feel it on the fringes of themselves, making it so they cant tell where they end and other nations begin, the okanagan nations feel themselves being slowly eroded. none of them want each other to suffer, though, because the okanagan people can be americans and canadians and okanagans all at the same time.

this also applies with the american border with mexico, seeing as there’s some areas in the southwestern us where spanish is spoken more than english. when he’s down there, freddie finds it easier to communicate than when he’s speaking english. chicano is his language just as much as english is- he just sort of became able to speak it when the west was colonized, and he already knew spanish for business purposes, so there ya go. there are some issues with that though because the spanish in the west is primarily from mexico and central america, whereas the east is more from the caribbean- like how miami has a large cuban minority. so he’s got a weird sort of chicano english too, because it’s no longer “pure” chicano. pure is a very loose term there because there is of course variation within southwestern chicano speakers. angelinos don’t have the same chicano as nuevomexicanos. anyway i think he’d get it mixed up with spanish proper or spanglish a lot because of the similar phonetic rules. i’m not sure about any indigenous tribes who have land that straddles the us-mexico border, but that’s probably not alfred’s biggest worry with That Border. actually no i think he might purposefully talk in an aggressively chicano dialect whenever someone in the government wants to talk to him about the ice concentration camps. like he usually doesn’t try that hard to keep the wrong language out of his mouth but he will go Full Chicano, just to make them uncomfortable and to try to get the point across that he can literally feel the physical pain of the people trapped at the border in those camps. but this also causes some tension with the countries of origins of those people, seeing as they can also feel that pain. there’s quite a lot of discourse between america, mexico, guatemala, honduras, and el salvador about that, because none of them quite know what to do. they argue again about whose pain it is and how they should, as nation personifications, deal with it.

another thing that he struggles with where matt is concerned is with his indigenous languages. the languages of his northernmost people are the most at risk and endangered, and some are actually in the process of dying. he hates that, because as much as he wants to act like he speaks just SCE and quebecois, he doesn’t. he knows all of his people’s languages, and it makes him feel like he’s losing his identity a little bit when his indigenous languages start fading away. the worst part about this is that he doesn’t even always know it’s happening until the fading feeling kicks in, so sometimes he’ll just make a point of going up to the northwestern territories and try to hang out with the oldest inuit people he can find to try and have a chat. and it’s ROUGH communicating at first but when he can get back into it he feels more solid and defined. i think this isn’t unique to him, and that the other countries in the americas do this too, but bc of the way civil rights work in canada, it’s a little different for him. because indigenous canadians are recognized as a certain class of citizen, indigenous canadian governments have a collective legal bargaining power and could theoretically ask for legal protections from the ottowa government for their languages. however, this doesn’t apply to the northwest territories, so that’s why matt goes there specifically to talk to old ass indigenous people. their languages aren’t protected legally in the same way that french and quebecois are, so he sort of takes it upon himself as mr canada to do preserve the languages and history. it’s especially sad when a language dies out forever, because then he’s one of very few people who still speak it and if he wants anyone else to know about it he’d have to teach them. but since the language is dead, there’s no one for him to get help from. the people who once spoke it are gone or use other languages now, and it’s all very weight of the world on his shoulders. i think this makes him very sad, because of the weirdly smug left wing anti-american nature of canadian nationalism. like he understands exactly the sort of pressure freddie is under but also has a cultural pressure to not say anything about it or even offer to help.

this is also why he has the most boring and basic idiolect out of perhaps the entire anglosphere- even arthur has a distinct posh dialect that he uses most of the time. matthew talks like a textbook. a very polite and anxious textbook, but a textbook all the same. and matthew williams actually kind of likes what alfred jones has going on, but canada doesn’t. canada fell into british hands after the end of the 7yr war, which happened to be the war that sparked the american revolution (speaking of which the ages for america and canada make no goddamn sense, ask me about it if you want more detailed thoughts). loyalists fled to canada, and developed a superiority complex around the idea that they weren’t ungrateful. then it was about how they weren’t slave owners- which isn’t entirely true- and in the present day, even in hetalia canon, canadians often define themselves in relation to america. that is, they are better than americans because of xyz political thing. right now, to quote the anime, it’s “our free healthcare and lack of gun crime, eh.” this also poses some difficulties for canada in terms of culture, though, because if that much of their national pride comes from being better than america, what do they have to make a name for themselves? for anglo canadians, that’s a more complicated question. for quebeckers, it’s that the’re not anglo canadians. but quebec is also annoying as fuck and canada actually has nightmares about there being a successful secession movement there, so. i don’t know what the average anglo canadian thinks of quebec seeing as im not an average anglo canadian, but i do know that i hate their accents so now matt does too, although he will respect their right to have their language protected by the ottowa government (because quebec, that’s why).

anyway i do have one last thought and that’s that nobody will ever really know america or canada like they know each other. they struggle with a lot of the same issues regarding language, but america has just sort of given up. in some ways, matt’s jealous of him, and in others he’s so glad he’s not the united states. but they do understand each other a lot as the anglo americans, and as some of the number one destinations for immigration out of the entire world. so yeah, i dont have any specific strong conclusion ot this post, but would absolutely love to hear your thoughts about languages in the americas! shit’s wack in this neck of the woods my dudes.

oh actually one last thing. i think america and canada struggle a bit with their identities because they dont fit into any one specific group, linguistically or otherwise. they feel a bit isolated from the rest of the world specifically due to the intensity of the melting pot effect, and even within their own countries sometimes. people will be like oh you’re too white or you’re too black or you’re too dine or too much whatever other culture, so they often feel isolated from that stuff because they are all of those things, and have a deep connection with all of it. anyway they’ll always be there for each other

#hhh this is Long #good job if you read all that its just pure unfiltered thoughts about the anglo americans #anyway sorry if the stuff about indigenous languages was weird or wrong #i have family who are dine so i tried to echo what they've told me about their relationships with that aspect of their heritage #as white passing dine latinos #but also just thinking about how fucking painful it must be to be a country #like my heart really goes out to them #specifically these lads #just because of the treatment of minorities within their borders..like how in the us you have so called patriots who are violently racist #im not sure how exactly i think stuff like domestic genocide or ethnic cleansing works in hetalia #but i think it might be analogous to self harm #idk #anyway enjoy this #hetalia #hws #hws america #hws canada #hws mexico #sort of #hws languages #this took..way too long to write but eh i enjoyed it #ceros posting

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wincore · 3 years

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AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

#tata 💖#anon #answered

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sootonthecarpet · 3 years

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What faction do you usually pick in Fallout 4? It kind of sounds like you have beef with the Minutemen but the Brotherhood are bigoted trash, the Institute are bigoted trash who can't even accomplish anything productive, and the Railroad are super fixated on their ethically dubious synth liberation quest and do pretty much jack all for everyone else, so I'm curious as to which one you went along with in the end.

i havent played it thru to the end yet full disclosure kkfdksgf the main questline has been underwhelming so far, so i’ve been dragging my feet even tho i have like multiple playthroughs going. but i’m siding w the railroad because while there r heavy criticisms to b levied w/r/t their methodology, it still feels good to do literally anything to impact any of the game’s like, stilted in-universe bigotry subplots to even a small extent hahajfdsgf. plus i like most of the individual npcs, i end up more annoyed at my own lack of flexible dialogue options than i do at the characters themselves. (it’d be chill if the game had more RPG elements and i could like, influence the politics and idk ‘destiny’ of the group more overtly instead of just being Assigned Grunt.) some of their sidequests are actually pretty fun, or at least are no more bothersome than unguided exploration would be and give me a bit of character development to tide me over.

i guess i do kinda have beef with the minutemen but for the most part that’s my beef with the actual writers showing thru bc of how the game’s like. colonialist fantasy gameplay loop and its unironic fetish for revolutionary war imagery intersect hEAVily when it comes to the minutemen (obvs). in all honesty i’ve never wanted to dip too far into that questline or even take preston along much even tho he seems chill and i like him so far, bc i know the writing (or, best case scenario, the way the gameplay will inevitably actively subvert any good writing that sneaks in there) is just gonna end up seriously pissing me off.

there’s no like, group in fallout four that suits my political views bc even the vaguest whiff of real-world radical politics were very carefully kept out of the vaguely liberation-aligned groups in the game. like, goodneighbor is kind of implied to be SOME kind of socialist outpost right? shared resources, anyone is welcome etc. but wait! it’s a new reno esque hedonistic crimefest where you can get anything for the right price and the only language they speak are bullets! but wait! they have a mayor who they love and respect very much. or is he a de facto monarch? or is he just a mayor? (actually, he’s my lover.) i don’t think it’s like, especially new or inventive of me to say this, but any theme that made it into the game was thoroughly stripped of meaning and made broadly palatable to like. the right-center, reactionary white gamer demographic. like, uhhhh, this was def a high budget game for a post-gamergate market. so honestly i take what i can get with the railroad. any moment im not cringing is a moment of good gameplay. (usually those moments are like, jumping into a lake in far harbor to get a better look at the non-interactible fish models for ecosystem lore, but again, i take what i can get.)

would have really liked a plot where the pre-game massacre of most of the railroad’s outposts allows the PC to like, optionally restructure it into an organization that’s actually involved with the ppl it’s set up to help (and nix the policy on mindwipes as a shortcut around trauma recovery/safeguarding of the vulnerable, and the--HOLy SHIT--disgusting attitude towards bodily autonomy in general, both of which seem to be there more for player convenience than for a well thought out story purpose), or even like. to see just a LiTTLe followup on some of the shit deacon says abt philosophical infighting early on out back of the slocums joe? but it doesn’t seem like we r going there and like, eh. i can keep my head down and grind out a few boring quests if it means avoiding the risk of total disillusionment with preston garvey and not having to listen to brotherhood anti-ghoulfucking PSAs or whatever godforsaken shit happens when i finally close out the act and let the institute beam me up ahaha.

oh yeah also like every guy who works for the railroad is weird-hot in one way or another (and also they sell me armored, combat-ready versions of casual clothing items so i can look great and feel safe, & make sure anyone whose inventory i can access has some armor on em without heavily impacting their look) and ultimately im shallow enough to let that tip the scales. plus its so nice to come back to the cave at like four AM after a long string of sidequests n see these totally random npcs who dont even like each other, all spooned up on all them mattresses. at the end of the day they deal w each other bc it’s cold and nasty. that’s a way more compelling vibe than i get from any of the actual faction related cutscenes in the game.

then i ruin it immediately by waking up tinker tom to buy more bulletproof dresses.

#anon #video games #fallout #thanks for this bud im like starting a manic episode #so when i got this i was like. ah. i can take off the gloves #hope it wasnt a disappointment to learn i have no real take on the end of the game ahaha #long post #fallout 4

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hugttos · 5 years

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ANOTHER callout for alex @/knfe

others here

this will mostly focus on the massive pile of lies alex has managed to spin up

lying about the whole reason we fell out anyway-

so i dumped alex’s shitty toxic ass once she vagued about me when she knew i was struggling and acted like a piece of shit about it, and then constantly made up reasons as to why it was my fault instead of just. owning up that she was a piece of shit

alex literally never said this happened until months later where its more convenient for her. i guess the fact it was supposedly her grandmas bday makes it a better sob story to buy because she literally Never mentioned this until this post so...whats the truth perhaps

this is again. supposedly. me admitting i knew it wasnt about me. the vague is this

fucking obviously ‘only good for sex’ doesn’t apply to me yet this whole vague mentions like five different things. but alex likes to ignore that and act like she ONLY mentioned being used for sex when its clearly full of umbrella statements. she completely ignores ‘only good for emotional support’ which is literally just the second sentence. this is the part i focus on because alex knew i was still grieving over a SERIOUS trauma that happened to me literally two weeks prior to this

also ‘the very next day’ now alex is lying and painting it as if i rushed her to talk about it when i had PURPOSELY waited until the next day rather than confront her about it when she was obviously still freaking out. but like. again. fuck me for trying to be a considerate friend right alex????

alex also decided to spin up the narrative that i only talked to anthony about it to drive a wedge between them which..isnt true lol.

alex was just a dick to anthony for no reason (as she states above) and apparently i ‘forced it out of her’ by like. simply asking i guess? alex was also being very shitty during this time to so obviously im gonna ask her wtf her problem is but again. alex gets a free pass apparently and im an ass for being worried. also anthony came to ME first because of what you were doing and i was actually the one who had to sort out your stupid ass disagreement despite having my own VERY fresh trauma to work through at the time. alex even said she wasn’t even considering doing anything and just leaving the relationship in tatters bc of her own dumb shit and i had to convince her NOT to do that lmao.

me going to anthony with alex being a piece of shit just to stir up drama is SUCH a fucking reach. anthony even said to me he didn’t want to be friends with someone like alex when i showed him this but they like to conveniently ignore that :)

downplaying showing a minor porn-

they only blocked the channel after i called them out on it btw. so. again. truth is only at alex’s convenience

lying about her abuse-

tim is alex’s abuser, who she sexted with despite knowing he was dating someone else and even blamed her for alex’s own shitty actions (which alex likes to say never happened but theres screenshot proof SO)

again, this is me pointing out how alex is fucking horrible to her friends but also manipulative about doing anything to make herself a victim in any situation. this post is about her abuser who alex would talk about even WHEN WE WERE STILL FRIENDS in the group chat and it was literally always negative. like me wondering what the fuck would compel her to keep hanging out with the dude despite all that makes me victim blaming i guess???? but again alex has been known to befriend her own supposed abusers before so.. go figure i guess

alex me calling you out for being abusive and having tons of proof, but you’re too fucking stupid to actually own up to shit? thats not gaslighting??

alex is the only one who’s actually gone to ppl trying to get them to side with her and i have plenty of ppl who can account to this. and alex is just. endlessly fucking dense and doesn’t understand how hypocritical it is for her to say ‘i was just making posts on my own blog!!’ when she’s been known to flip out when I do the same. even when its not even close to being about her.

and yes uhh i cant believe i have to say this but gloating about ‘healing uwuw’ while you’re abusing someone is uhh. fucking disgusting!

lying about old drama-

alex loves to claim that i was 18 during the old callouts despite having it archived and having the information right in front of her

lying about interacting with abusers (and also making it about her)-

broden is MY abuser too dumbass and (literally by your own admission) i was abused a lot worse by him so shut the fuck up?? broden forced me to do rape rps too, along with guilting me and gaslighting me AND my boyfriend for years. also no alex you unblocked him to ‘prove’ you were underage when you dated when i caught you lying saying it was pedophilic and he dated you when he was in his 20s and you were 16. i outed you that it was actually that you were 17 about to turn 18 and he was barely 19 when you started dating. then you backpedaled and said you forgot which like...having memory issues myself saying you were dating a 20 year old while you’re 16 doesnt sound like a memory thing? sounds more like lying??? also while they were dating alex was cheating on broden with tim but claims she gets a free pass for that bc they’re her abusers. and like. obviously thats not how. shit works.

lying about stalking:

alex likes to move blogs rather than just own up to her shitty behavior and then scream stalking when i out her again. which is perfectly reasonable given she’s still openly abusive.

alex if lurking and vagueing makes someone a stalker then you’re shooting yourself in the foot because you literally do this MORE than i do. and ofc this is followed by screenshots of the most irrelevant text posts including me literally just saying a theme is ugly (which HAS to be about her bc literally everything is apparently

AGAIN, alex moved bc she revived her own kiwifarms thread and acted shocked when they started writing on her text wall thing and went totally fucking rabid about how it was me (it wasnt and more on this later)

i also made it clear that yes im outing alex again for reasons i previously stated

also why does alex act like im a mastermind for finding her new url when she literally reblogged aes posts from her old blog onto her new one. its not fucking rocket science alex

when you’re an active abuser who hasn’t owned up to shit your victim has a fucking right to warn people about you and it doesnt make them a stalker alex!!!

lying about how i ‘befriend freaks’-

Literally None of the links are pornographic btw..and none of them are actually? my posts?

also yes uhh i actually have proof that gideon just dug through archives to pick out things to exaggerate and no its actually not deleted because the proof is right here!

also i should point out its really REALLY hypocritical for alex to freak out over this because i unfollowed these blogs after like. a week? and alex was friends with known pedophile gorecember and also friends with someone who posts irl gore (even posted gore herself) and necrophilia.

alex claims this along with claiming i groom minors just because a mutual of mine got an ask about me and two of her followers were positive about it.

like. ive literally never interacted with these ppl before?? just bc people are nice instead of abusive like alex doesnt mean im friends with them and it doesnt indicate some big fucking conspiracy or whatever??

lying about anons and literally anything she doesnt like-

alex will literally spin the most fucking ridiculous stories to add to her narrative but like....its really simple. that anon isnt me BECAUSE I WAS LITERALLY ASLEEP WHEN THIS HAPPENED...LMAO...

alex has one of those text wall things, and she flipped out after ppl started harassing her on it right after she revived her own dead kiwifarms thread but threw a tantrum that it was me. again. when i wasn’t even online

alex has lots. LOTS.. of weak reasoning

ok so...alex really Cannot get it into her thick fucking head that ppl can fake typing styles. also alex half of these are things YOU say more than i do? or either things that like. Everyone says.

ive OUTED alex for shit before so uhh its not actually stuff only i would know if i posted about it.

this. honestly just speaks for itself.

please distance yourselves from alex, theyre an abuser and very manipulative and constantly gaslight people, pls keep yourself safe thanks

#knfe #callout post #abuse #gaslighting #freak tag #drama #HI RB THIS!!!!! THANKIES

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merlinthoughts · 5 years

Text

Season 1 Episode 5 - Lancelot<3

- YES BBG’s IT'S MY BOY LANCE

- he’s one of my fav characters u guys don't even KNOW

- like yah okay, i've only seen hiM FOR ONE EPISODE

- but he’s the light of my life

- and he may not even come back but he looks like a character that would come back especially if the fucking ep is named after him

- oh damn, i sure hope he does

- and goes into arthurs posse of knights or whatever, replacing val

- or what valerie was gonna be

- idek, lets get to it bc i could go on for days just picturing lance as a main character while continuously expressing my love for him

- BUT NOTHING ELSE OBVIOUSLY BC THIS IS NOW A CATHOLIC WEBSITE

- tumblrs trynna urge me to go with them nasty thoughts

- you wish tumblr

- you WISH you can ban me

- u can't live without sucking dick >:(

- wow slow down shev... wow okay sorry. christianism. i forgot

- it got the best of me

- back to the episode!

- omg it's buckbeak why he making a cameo in merlin??

- my inner potterhead(uwu) is coming out i hate this

- bet you can't guess which house i'm in ;)

- it's fucking slytherin, it's literally so obvious

- hissshiss motherfuckers

- ew guys

- this is so hard to type considering my fucking ‘-’ button (called a dash for u furries who only see a face) is broken and i have to literally smash it to make it work, so i'm just insanely typing up the next dash by screaming at my keyboard that i can't fucking fix

- and i have so many dasHES TO DO!

- that made no sense bc yall aren't living in my socks at the moment

- BUT I'M DYING IT'S SO HARD TO JUST GET IT TO PRESS

- fuck it copy paste, my best friend, you always come when the time is needed

- LANCELOT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL

- lowkey looked like that guy from the 100 though

- but better

- nothing against baloney of course

- lancelot literally just introduced himself, the camera panned in onto his chest, then he proceeded to faint or some shit with the camera still zoomed on his chest, and merlin reached up to grab his shirt, probably to yank it the fuck off and the opening credits rolled up. wtf was that scene.

- WAIT I REWINDED IT

- it's not supposed to be a zoom in of his chest lmao, my hoe ass thought we had a little fanservice for a second, but there's a big mushroom-looking blood stain on his shirt which i guess is supposed to mean he's fucking dead so it's not all that confusing anymore

- when was he stabbed tho?

- whatever. shit always goes down in BBC that's often unexplainable.

- “it had claws, wings…” arthur stops his sentence melodramatically while uther looks terrified. “and.. what?” WHAT UTHER?? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?? YOU THINK ARTHURS GONNA BE LIKE “FANGS, STEVE BUSCEMI'S EYEBALLS, DANNY DEVITO’S HAIRLINE, TALKS LIKE JOHN MULANEY?? I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT I SAW, NOT WHAT I IMAGINED. FATHER”

- but no… livestock apparently

- that’s what uthers shocked by

- not that theres a fucking griffin living in his world

- wait theres magic, means theres magic creatures doy

- but still, even if we all had magic here, i think it would be a little shocking seeing a griffin come for buckingham palace randomly

- or i guess if youre reading this and are in america, in the white house

- oh and it took only people apparently

- i guess that’s a little more severe but i stand uncorrected

- they be having a wild time in the hippogriff’s house ;)

- honestly sounds like a fucked up hogawart house

- here we have slytherin, hufflepuff, ravenclaw and... *looks at smudged writing on hand* hippogriff

- okay, who tf has a dream of coming to camelot when it's the most feared place, with banned magic and an asshole king with his hot bitchy son and a sorcerer who just brings chaos to the land

- well i mean, me

- bc of the hot bitchy son but whatever

- camelot? more like cameNOT

- arthur calls himself the ultimate killing machine like the edge lord he is

- ARTHUR FUCKING KO’D THE BITCH

- knee to the nose and all wtf man

- this is probably foreshadowing smth with the “only noble blood can swoosh like a knight” thing, like somethings gonna happen and poor people are gonna revolt and uthers gonna be like “GEEZ fine, okay, no nobles can become a knight”

- merlins such a shit stirer, telling lance he can be a knight and telling him arthur would love him when we really know whats gonna happen bc of that rule

- and here’s gaius like uhh u liar wtf, crushing lance’s dreams while merlins just like wtf gaius, live in the moment, we can do anything, this is OUR show

- literally their such good friends and have known each other for a solid 10 minutes only

- i'm not that big into beards but id love to rub my face on lance’s

- HOMEWORK IS MERLIN’S EXCUSE, MERLIN UR LIKE 20 IN A WORLD PROB WITHOUT HOMEWORK

- haha little fault there, or like a minor inconvenience which isn’t important but i like to pretend to be smart: middle ages or well the show’s era was more in “AD” (476-ish is the start of middle ages, while the arthurian legend is supposed to happen in the 5/6th century so yeah, technically 400/500 AD), and homework supposedly only started up in 1095 so BOOM BBC GOTCHA

- no, merlin’s not gonna perform magic right in front of the librarian

- does he not know the wrath of librarians???

- our librarian at school literally kicked everyone out of the library once for the whole semester because there was an apple core on the bookshelf. this was during exam week. do u know how much i wanted to kill the person who didn't admit to their mistakes and let everyone suffer. WE COULDN'T ENTER TO EVEN STUDY

- OH GOD, HE'S DOING IT MERLIN IS A FUCKING MESS

- gwen and lancelot are my favourite thing, i literally want them to be together by the next episode

- or the next one with lance

- WAIT LANCELOT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MAIN CHARACTER ISN'T HE BC I KNOW VAGUELY THE ARTHURIAN LEGEND AND LANCELOT WAS A KNIGHT WASN'T HE???? HE WAS A FUCKING KNIGHT AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT NEXT TO LIKE IDK BEDEVERE OR SMTH THIS IS AMAZING NEWS GUYS I LITERALLY COULD BE A DETECTIVE

- !!!! the only heto ship on this show i actually adore !!!!!!

- i mean i only love two things: merthur and glance

- idek what gwen and lance’s ship name is so its now glance

- merlin would be the best wingman for them by being gwens bestie

- “you can start by cleaning out the stables” *lance looks to merlin while merlin gives him the biggest smile and thumbs up* this fuckING DORK

- harry potter au where everything is the same but that grim reaper looking human creature in the prisoner of azkaban executing buckbeak is actually lancelot in the future

- for symbolism purpose, not saying lance is like an animal killer but yknow

- same thing with the griffin yknow

- the two prettiest dudes in my world fighting against one another while sweat is glistening down their forheads is my new favourite aesthetic

- BUCKBEAK HAS COME

- oh wait no, people having been attacked by buckbeak have come

- netflix fucked up by subbing arthur as “orther” and i never laughed so hard

- don’t make me fucking laugh when there’s an ambush, netflix, this is not christian

- annd arthur’s pride is gone, and he goes up to chop lance’s fucking head off

- OH SHIT THAT TRANSITION THOUGH

- i'm so proud of my bb like genuinely so proud, lance deserves so much and here is is!! a knight!!

- MORGANA APPEARS THE LOML

- the three lomls in one room?? seriously bbc?? you really doing that to me?? for once im actually impressed and happy

- he's gonna get caught, i mean i KNOW that, but like it's still stressing out

- ewewewewewewewewewew

- arthur called morgana “isn't she so beautiful??” with a lovey dovey face pls don't lead this to that stepsibling porn bullshit i'm going to fucking puke

- i hated that shadowhunter bullshit like they seriously going to hit me with the indirect incest?? i was so done. i hated jace and clary, idc if theyre like the most popular couple, like wheres my raphael lovers at bc that's a boy i can enjoy

- “so if you could choose one... lance or arthur?” merlin subtly asks gwen like he doesn't have an answer himself

- it would have been so perfect geez, gwen and lance, merlin and arthur, myself and morgana

- i really wanna know what lance, merlin and arthur look like drunk bc that's a hell of a hangover they got the next morning and they probably cut out most of the soiree so like what did they do?? was there any drunk dancing and flirting??? bc i literally want to see that happen

- ik it's a bad thing but those drunk tropes where someone confesses their love to the person they like while under the influence is my favourite thing bc it's both hilarious, genuine and the other person often helps them to their feet and gets them to a safer place to rest and that's fricken adorable guys!

- not the drinking obviously, thats like a thing you can enjoy if you want but ya girl does not like drinking. or, well, she likes drinking with a limit. you can tell who likes to be the designated driver lmao. people here be drinking flat out whiskey and i tried it once and it burned by fucking throat

- merlin fucked up

- and this is technically his fault

- THEY GOT CAUGHT LMAO IT IS HIS FAULT

- hungover and caught this won't bode well

- “not worthy of a knighthood”

- hey so how do you retract a knighthood?

- do you like reverse the shoulder tapping

- like if you're christian, bc you know, we, as a christian group on this tumblr site, should already know about it... but when we do that cross thing on our shoulders, it means like a direct call with god or some shit. and if we do it the opposite direction it's considered the antichrist so is it the same for knighthood?

- OMG I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANy

- okay with christianity it's tapping the head the stomach, shoulder then shoulder, right? but the reverse is the anti cross like shoulder to shoulder, stomach and head. but… what if it were tapping the stomach, crotch, hip to hip? it would make sense right??? since the cross is upside down… it would lead to the dick and not the head. THAT'S WHY IT'S AN UPSIDE DOWN CROSS. BC YOU AINT SUPPOSED TO GRAB THEM BALLS UNTIL MARRIAGE!!! I SEE OMG I SEE YOU JESUS, TRYNNA HIDE UR FLOURISHING SEXUALITY

- omg guys, don't grab ur fucking balls in this blog post, it's considered the antichrist

- “you never will be” lmao he's gonna come back, he's lancelot, that's a main in the og legend

- how pissed will lance be with merlin

- i hope big time bc like... angry lance *dries off sweat with hands*

- aw damn lance isn't mad he's like “this is my punishment. mine to bare, mine to bare alone. stop blaming urself. i put this on me” this fucking goof is making me swoon once fucking more

- NOW BUCKBEAKS BACK

- he's a real goat x3

- buckbeak can literally fuck shit up in the air, camelot has nothing on him

- ARTHURS FUCKING DEAD LMAO

- oh wait he aint, just a few of his knights

- imagine being an extra and playing as one of those knights. having to fight next to bradley james, and have him look at you when someones doing something stupid like you can mentally agree with him and then pretend to die on camera. that would be my dream. make-a-wish better do me some good when i get diseased that will prob be named after me

- hoephagus

- stupidolis

- nah thats stupid

- ;)

- i now understand mulans will to pretend to be a guy and join the army bc i would literally do that if i could stay with arthur fucking pendragon

- aw it's called a griffin not a hippogriff

- i'm saddened

- harry potter has taught me WRONG

- this looks to be the climax where merlins like “fine guys, geez, i'll kill the griffin bc i'm magic!! wow!!! but arthur obviously knew, and i thought gwen was gonna know but she shocked me even more when she didn’t like fucking hell everyones oblivious. but since you can only kill buckbeak with magic, sigh, i'm exposing myself ig” even if it's like halfway through season 1 with 5 seasons altogether, this looks to be the right time

- this really sounds to be what we are waiting for, what kilgarah said about the destiny merlin will have

- WAIT WE HAVEN'T SEE THAT BITCH IN A WHILE

- wheres the dickwad gone lmao like was the actor busy the last few episodes or what?

- OMG ARHTURS BREAKING LANCE OUT OF PRISON SO HE CAN BE A KNIGHT

- how is the “arthurs pretty gay” theory not popped up more times on here

- like we all know merthurs pretty great and all

- but CANON wise arthur seems super gay to me

- like he just told lance to get up his ass because “i need… uhh... camelot needs” like he was just about to say he needs lance in his life

- have you not seen the glances??

- fucking hell

- arthur slowly comes closer to lance pretending to talk about what he knows about the creature

- lance also coming closer to ask if he truly believes that, with a raised eyebrow

- thought this shit was only in books and fanfics

- but no guys, we got a gay eyebrow raise

- bc we all know only the gays are capable of eyebrow raises

- fucking hell this is gay i cant even explain it

- like its subtly gay, but out of context youd think this is something out of a fansite

- and merlins not even in this scene

- “take the horse and never return to this place” OKAY NO FIRST OF ALL SECOND OF ALL FUCK OFF LMAO THIS ISNT GAY ANYMORE

- i mean he’s doing it out of the goodness of his heart, saving him from prison and all but lance wants to like… be a good man and you aint letting him do that

- OMG LANCE IS SAYING GOODBYE TO GWEN

- LANCE BETTER FUCKING KISS HER

- I LOVE GWEN AND LANCE TOGETHER #STAN

- fucking kiss you fucking bafoon

- THEY DIDN'T FUCKING KISS WTFUCKINGFUCK

- merlin looks so dumb holding his dagger as if he doesn’t know what to do with it but i love that for me

- WAIT I THOUGHT LANCELOT WAS LITERALLY GONNA GO YEET OUT OF CAMELOT NOT TO FUCKING SACRIFICE HIMSELF AND FIGHT THE GRIFFIN

- bafoons, all of them

- big bouncing bucking bafoons

- arthur looks so scared i've never been so in love and want to PROTECT

- omg for all merlin and lance know, that scream was arthur fucking dying- OMG IT WAS ARTHUR

- HE'S FUCKAN DEAD

- nvm he's alive but like yall not think to check for some arterial wounds bc he could be alive now, but in 5 mins he could legit not make it

- slow music means death

- lancelot you were the best husband i've ever had, rip

- i would be crying more if i didn’t know what happened, but since i already spoiled myself on the first season by watching this about a year ago, i'm not that sad but its still getting to me slightly

- hahahaha so happy everyones okayyy

- ARTHUR AND LANCE TiME!

- arthur looks so happy for lance literally crack ship right there

- why does nobody talk about this wyd

- and here’s arthur defending lance’s honour

- but uthers being a bitch

- omg that transition from lance being told to wait outside, the camera following him out of the room and the doors slamming behind him just in time to hear uther yell at arthur from next door is what gives me chills

- uther better fucking accept lance

- “the law is the law” yeah but the law also says to stop being a stuck-up bitch, uther

- literally lance is the only fucking person to not see through merlins blatant magic tricks

- like he saw that shit, called it out and was not like “oh what its a trick of the wind, surely”

- and he's not fazed at all, u see merlin it aint that bad to tell some people

- the only thing he is worrying about is the credit he says he doesn’t deserve bc merlin killed the griffin and not him

- see how fucking great my husband is, guys

- he better not be like “sucks to suck, i lied again! it aint me, chief” to uther and arthur

- NAH OKAY HE’S JUST BIDDING HIS FAREWELL IM GONNA FUCKING CRY IN THE CLUB

- he better fucking come back soon >:(

- seasonal guest star at least

- main characters, big bonus

- we barely saw morgana this episode and i'm not okay with that, but at the same time it was more lance-centric so i'm aight actually. we got all the time in the world for my baby girl, but lance :’( good luck man

- literally everyone is so gay for lance

- gwens into him for sure, and i love that the most (guess thats not gay but whatever, beggars can't be choosers)

- arthur has a little crush ngl

- and merlins full out in love with him

- not to mention MY FUCKING SELF

- i mean, i won't deny that he’s literally perfect in every way and i've only known him for one episode, but i agree whole heatedly with these crushes

- “till next time, sir lancelot” merlin whispers with a smile

- yeah that's me right there

- BC I'LL BE SEEING HIM IN THE FINAL EPISODE OF THIS SEASON!

- greeting us all with the news on being cast full-time for the show, being the best guard around and a lover boy to all

- guys i feel like i'm on aphrodisiacs but instead of desire for sex, it's love for lancelot

- send help

#this is a long one yall #maybe bc i found a new crush but yknow #merlin #merlin bbc #merthur #s1 #s1ep5

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blookmallow · 6 years

Text

so i downloaded an alternate program to play rpgmaker games on since ive been having SO much trouble with wine, and the one i got already had space funeral (which ive played already) and something called “schuld” which ive never heard of, so i figure, i got it, i might as well play it

so far its Okay, seems to be working well though so hopefully this program will work with my other games too but i got way too distracted with the Mysterious Game From The Void to mess with it yet

also any program that comes to me with space funeral pre-installed for some reason is a good one as far as im concerned

anyway heres schuld

i put that image as the preview bc its cool but also that thing hanging from. uh. the sky???? was a pair of pliers that i needed to get through a door covered in barbed wire

like. just. pliers, hangin on a rope. from the sky. for absolutely no discernible reason

a lot of this game feels very intentionally Constructed/intended to be metaphorical rather than logical/None Of This Is Actually Reality, Probably so on the one hand the solutions to puzzles being. bizarre shit like this could actually be intentionally strange to give that sense that things are being given or withheld from you by some omnipotent force that is pulling you through this experience, You See What We Want You To See, You Go Where We Want You To Go

on the other hand, pliers hanging from the sky is hilarious

anyway here we are

i know absolutely nothing about this game i just opened it because It Was There

this is very ominous ambiance i like it. the soundtrack sounds vaguely like labored breathing it is very, very unsettling

looks like we got a zombie apocalypse

not gonna like. tell me what the phrases are or anything. ok

hmm,

wh....what the fuck

IT’S........MONEY :’)

EVERY TIME I INTERACT WITH THE MONEY RIVER I GET ANOTHER THOUSAND DOLLARS :’ )

the only item you have to start off with is a book containing a list of the seven deadly sins, so this is almost definitely a very very obvious Greed Trap but i dont care lmao

oh. thanks

NICE

also this dude told me money is worthless now which comes as no surprise to me (as of where i am now, i never had any consequence or purpose for the money, im not even sure if i still have it i forgot about it until now)

we got an economy of FLESH and some dudes chased me trying to steal my flesh which is, I’ll be honest, a bit rude

you guys just gonna hang out there then

i cant interact with anything else in here or go back the way i came so you’re gonna have to move,

(turns out you have to outrun them, if they pass before you they get stuck in the wall and there’s no way to progress / you die if you touch them)

eew

turns out everyone has The Rot and are slowly rotting away, so any possible source of Clean Flesh to replace their gross bits has become incredibly valuable but its also assumed that Everyone has the rot and will die from it eventually, so im not sure whats even actually being accomplished by replacing gross bits with clean bits if the clean bits are gonna get gross soon anyway

shrugs. anyway it’s Not Quite a zombie apocalypse but its close. an interesting direction

OK APPARENTLY THAT’S AN ARM THEN

this is a hospital (and it’s still functioning, there’s patients here, there’s a nurse, there’s a doctor, and a kid went in for an amputation when i came in, it’s not abandoned or overrun or anything just in massive disrepair) why are they just leaving this shit all over the floor

see this kind of medical irresponsibility is probably why you guys are all rotting in the first place

strange man wanders into your hospital room, you immediately just start telling him your life story

ohhhhh it’s greed. the Rot is greed. they’re all rotting from the Greed inherent in human nature and their Envy for what other people have (unrotten flesh) is turning them into monsters and causing them to tear other people apart except now it’s literally. money is so worthless it now costs an ARM AND A LEG!!! to get anything, i get it. ok :’)

the allegory seems a lil heavy handed to me but, eh, still pretty fun

anyway then i had to distract the doctor so i could steal his ID and wander into rooms im not supposed to be in so i lit his trash can on fire, as you do,

just gonna stand there and watch it, then, i suppose. good thinking, doctor

the Enemy Encounters in this game are a nuisance to navigate but most of the like. logic puzzles/etc are kind of hilariously straight forward as far as “what do i need to do” even if the solutions dont. really make sense

like not to the point that it feels boring, i just set a garbage can on fire in some dude’s office while he was sitting like 5 feet away, it’s fun as hell, it’s just :’) when i interacted with this trash can earlier, before i even knew i needed a distraction or had any means of lighting it, its like “huh this trash would probably burn really well if it were to ignite” and im just like ok apparently im gonna have to set that on fire at some point for SOME REASON,

idk im too tired to write anymore i have more but ill go through the rest later. this game is weird but im into it thats my review goodnight ill have more adventures in flesh thievery, a LOT of cigarettes, and Gun City for you all later

#lucy plays schuld

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lvoplds · 6 years

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aye ! i’m d or dennis either is hideous. she/her and i’m a big ol’ Gay. my timezone is gmt but that means nothing bc i sleep like garbage & that’s pre much all the ooc info i got bcos i’ll ramble which makes sense considering i’m leo’s mun --- speaking the fuck of ! hit the readmore for a lil breakdown i’m trying to keep brief ( i lied barbara sue me ) + the like button if u wanna plot <3

☆ · ˚ . ✦ . ˚ { COLE SPROUSE, TWENTY-FOUR, HE/THEY } spotted! LEOPOLD FISK making their way down the streets of the ues. i swear, every time i hear WELCOME TO JAPAN by THE STROKES, i think of them. the DEMIBOY is currently a COLLEGE STUDENT. though everyone knows them for being HEEDFUL & WELL-ROUNDED, page six says they could be BITTER & PERIPHRASTIC. according to gossip girl, LEO BLACKMAILED THE ADMISSIONS DIRECTOR TO GET INTO UNIVERSITY, but that could be a rumor. { d, 20, gmt, she/her }

so, leo feat. some basics --- just turned twenty-four. demiboy with preference to either he or they pronouns.

he’s ny born and raised. a fact that’ll be fun later: his mother’s from scotland & he has family he visits there.

he’s demisexual/demiromantic. romantic and sexual attraction come hand in hand with emotional depth and since he’s so skeptic/extra about the first and uncaring when it comes to the latter, it makes it difficult for leo to be available, but not at all impossible bcos hey ! he’s very open to connecting with people. he just needs to reset some of his priorities and ideals on people. it’s been two years, cunt.

a continuation to the point upstairs -- he’s pretty social though not as much as he used to be in highschool ?? he says it’s bc of college which is partially true but u never know.... now it’s pretty much him being socially operating: extensive phonecalls, he likes talking. keep him updated. spill teas and ur feelings, hon. the wingman of his people; think caleb gallo from the gay and wondrous life of caleb gallo or cher horowitz got brutally murdered by amber and possessed josh lucas. will set you on a date on the spot which is IRONIC considering he *gasps* has cynical opinions on dating but that’s a preference not a fact. venting-friendly; he pays attention and takes mental notes and will be able to keep up. the catch is that you never see him during the week and if you do, it’s by planned accident. he’s a big Nerd and also lives in campus. td;lr: he’s the parental figure but mostly the aunt who lives five states away but knows your business because she cares and is also going through a rough divorce handled poorly by her budding alcoholism and needs the distraction.

THAT BEING SAID, it’s not a shocker to know that his mother is a therapist and he clearly takes a lot from her. known one to socialite moms all the way to governors’ wives in the upper east side --- and that’s how he managed to blackmail the admissions director of nyu.

as smart as he is, the one thing he’d worked for ( maybe not too hard, but he didn’t think he’d need to ? straight a’s should be more than enough ) somehow did nawt work ??? and he’s not ???? taking that ??? at all ?? WHAT ??? and in comes his moral ambiguity where he reasoned w himself that yea... he deserved this. and the director shouldn’t be diddling with their family friend -- no, her being a model is not an excuse. and yes leo had to investigate to know whom that was -- so this is karma. right ? right. and it happened. he ofc didn’t tell them he’s their therapist’s spawn -- his mom goes by her maiden name - but he knows the reveal would be #iconic on graduation day.

additional fuckshit he’s on about: he’s a famous local erotica romance novel writer in scottland and goes by pseudonym brenda j. thomson who wrote elicit confessions. it’s as extra and terrible as it sounds.

COOL SO MOVING ON TO WANTED CONNECTIONS

FAMILY FRIENDS ? absolutely. they’d notice the shift in personalities maybe. he was extra before and he’s extra now but less and studying environmental law with a full blown depression. #grown

EXES ? just a major one. they’d been a Thing^tm throughout high school but dissolved as most relationships would after grad. i’d say it’s the most intense romantic relationship he’d had but that’s only because it was his first and while it hurt before, he knows that’s what it was now -- still refers to them vaguely and dramatically as his first love/experience by habit and for point delivery purposes but it means less to nothing now.

A NEIGHBOR ? has to come back home to someone next door on the weekends ! they could be close, absolutely despise each other, a little bit of both, etc.

HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS ? these people... are his life. literally wouldn’t go a day without talking to them. his lil web of lovely distractions. whether it’s who he met after grad or knew all his life, they’re important. if they all know each other ? kudos ! if they don’t ? he’d probably mention them in conversation or make it a point they would one day, no problem. ( i wanted to set a number aka five ppl but nah - a good starter number tho and the rest are budding friendships bc we stan those )

MOM’S FREQUENTERS ? yes. people who see his mom, whether it’s a muse or a muse’s parent. he’d probably run into them when he stops by his mom’s therapy office or knows of them. anything could be done and fleshed out more here !

DORM MATE ? yes. they share a dorm, they’re mates. they crash parties together and steal minivans for fun.

ENEMY ? rivalry is approved in this house. could be friends before and shit went left why not leo’s a shithead ?? im ready to go off !

FRENEMIES ? only talk when they’re forced to in social settings or in a group of people. heavy opinions of each other. passionate despising, maybe a little too passionate -- for everyone’s comfort.

FRIENDS HOW ??? they only ever talk on the phone/text. only. it’s weird, they don’t know how to explain it but that’s pretty much it and it works ! they’re comfortable enough to talk about fleshlights and communism.

PROBABLY MORE BC IM SURE I HAVE MORE IN MIND BUT THIS IS ALREADY SO FUCKING LONG BUT WE’LL SEE !

#ueshqsintro #✦ ❛ — ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴢᴀʀᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ꜰᴏʀ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴀsᴏɴ › ooc.#there's wc i THWEAR im not this traumatizing 4 nothing #but uhh yeaH no.1 of tiny meat gang is present hmu 2 complete the skwa !

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