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#which IM NOT SAYING THAT THAT ISNT AN IMPORTANT THING TO CONSIDER IF YOUVE BEEN DRINKING
remade-c18r0 · 6 months
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HAIII OZFI FOR THE ASK GAME
27. Who would propose? What would their wedding be like?
29. What is something they can never agree on? How do they meet in the middle?
HI PASTIEEEEEE THANK YOU <3
oz'd fi
27. Who would propose? What would their wedding be like?
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ok meme aside realistically i dont think they WOULD get married ... theyve been together so long i believe theyd just have some sort of ring exchange (or not ring.. sometimes i consider earrings or something... but it has to be visible. and in the others' color) which isnt a promise but an affirmation of their feelings and that theyll continue to be together until the end and even beyond it . yes i have entirely too many thoughts about this!!! oz WILL eat figaros mana stone....
29. What is something they can never agree on? How do they meet in the middle?
im such a fan of these specific questions youve sent because theyre two of the ones least applicable to ozfi? oz listens deeply to everything figaro says bc they value her wisdom and knowledge and experience . and also her herself. (sometimes this isnt good but its always Good. yknow) . the thing id say theyd have the most disagreements about is actually going forward with everything the fact figaro is so fucking bad at communication and emotional honesty especially about things that are hurting her so with their development recently+going forward oz is going to be more open and pushy about caring in their oz way and figaro has already started being just the slightest more honest ..... and figaro being the first one to take the step is so important i just talked about this actually
"oz wants to start building that bridge consciously and aware but figaro telling them even the little bit that she did was the beginning + her being the start of it is important in them meeting in the middle like they need to against all of her thoughts going against her actions"
i know this is what i just said but i just just said it. But their individual development intentionally goes together so well for an inevitable rebuilding of their relationship in the best form it can take because of their fucking personal deficiencies being what is keeping them apart . i could talk about this for hours i will spare you of this but. Made 4 each other.
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bbarican · 10 months
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june 04, 2023; 8:46 pm - should we just keep driving?
hi tumblr! how are you guys doing? how was everyone’s weekend? ako, im ready to talk about my date yesterday so if youre bored and you wanna join me in dissecting the events of yesterday’s date then please feel free to read along
we met up in coffee academics and it felt almost nostalgic seeing him again? kasi the last time we saw each other was early 2022 and alot has happened since then and i ultimately felt like “im so glad he’s meeting this version of myself naman”
it was really fun, like it was so good to remember how fun it actually is whenever we’re together; ang ingay niya, pero ako rin, tapos ang kulit namin saka ang gulo ng mga topics namin and i enjoyed every single bit of it, we talked about serious stuff as in we really wanted to know kung anong nagbago samin and also we were talking about aliens and weird stuff like that basta tawa kami ng tawa
he was nice enough to go with me to atc to buy food for my family and back to molito again kasi he was parked there
we ended up hanging out a bit sa car niya for a bit in the same parking spot just talking and listening to music and eventually thinking of somewhere else to go kasi nga we didnt want to go home pa naman; he also asked if i still remember the name he gave his car and ofcourse i still remembered it and i dont think im ever gonna not remember it
we ended up going to a more quiet parking spot away from the malls and just remembering everything now is making me emotional?
he opened up the back door of his car (the type na paside yung open ng door) and we just talked - we talked for hours as in we were there from siguro 7 pm to 11 pm just talking
okay so ofcourse there was some flirting and i loved every bit of it and he was really touchy which i really loved too pero the fact na he initiated converstations really had me feeling really good and fuzzy inside? i was telling my bestfriends na it felt so refreshing to just talk to someone about everything and anything after months of just keeping everything to myself
we laughed lot - i cant explain why or how but this is so important to me, and i think im craving this more than sex?
we did end up making out but again that was just the cherry on top of everything else just being so good
but there are things na i got to take away from my our date last night which i guess would help me from putting a label on how im feeling right now:
he isnt really looking into dating seriously so thats the catch, and tbh i dont know if he ever will be and if im even going to be on his list of people he would even want to consider dating?
with that being said, and i actually told him this din - i actually dont have enough time and energy to wait around for him or for anyone who would be similar to him
kaya ang sakin lang is - im just glad i got to show him who i really am and i hope thats enough for him to see what he could lose if he does end up not pursuing me
im glad na i also got to show him who i am genuinely and im also glad na atleast now, i really know what i want in a relationship
it wouldve been nice if siya yung person na makukuha ko, but atleast he was the one to show me na it is possibe to have the type of relationship na im looking for and that hopefully it will just take some time before i get to have that experience for real and for good
im a bit sad now kasi nga this just proves na stuff like this always and will always rarely happen to me nalang, but im still trying to be as patient and hopefully as i can be
so yeah - i wouldnt say na back to zero ako, but im just glad na everything happened the way it did; its weird too kasi in coffee academics, the neone sign beside me literally stated “youre exactly where you need to be” and i knew that meant something kaaagd
if youve made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading along. ikaw, what do you think? id love to hear your thoughts (tbh just so i stop thinking about all of this) but also id love the company cause everything feels really bittersweet right now
but yeah - i hope the evening goes well for all of us; we all deserve to rest before conquering another week
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hopeheartfilia · 11 months
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ahhh trying to analyse what i think about mo ran's little inner monologue about liking chu wanning and not shi mei and like
:readmore:
fundamentally i do thinks there is some truth to it, like putting someone on a pedestal as pure and good isnt really about being in love.. like its you not the state of u get to the nitty gritty, if u dont like their flaws specifically do you even like them or just the idea of this perfect kind eprson youve build in your mind that cannot be sullied
but also i feel like i disagree about the. sexual aspect of it? like just because youre not horny doesnt mean you dont have a crush? but also i tried to explain what it feels like to have a crush when not hornh and im having the issue of im demiromantic and ive had one crush in my whole ass life and it was in middle school, i simply do not know enough about romantic attraction to tell you. Like i can easily say that Mo Ran isnt experiencing just sexual attraction, even if he is ridiculously horny, but like
How to explain that while yes i dont 5hink you had a crush on shi mei that its not because you dont like shimei physically? you also dont seem to enjoy spending time with shimei that much and dont seem to have many meaningfull connections with him. also also you dont seem to want to be closer to shi mei you just want him to be safe and happy and stuff? It sounds a bit likea ! hes so nice to me, sort of squish. Like when someone does somethibg really nice for you and you decide that youve pack bonded and youre gonna be extra nice to them and youre gonna be the bestest of friends
but often they end up not even being your best friend. because your bestfriend is someone who you dont get tired if being around for days in end and who you can argue but then understand each other, not just someone whos nice to you. you know.
And like Mo Ran doesnt like Chu Wanning jsut because he does somethibg nice for him, he respects jim and has the eorlds most obvious crush BeforE that, thats just when he goes Shizun care for me too? owo and then Cherish the shizun protect the shizun, and i feel like the xie sini moment of Arent I human too? Dont I hurt too? Was more important? Like figuiring out hes been fundamentally misunderstanding Chu Wanning and then finding out for himself what the guy is really liek is what does it for him, because its the understanding, its about the knowing
You can like people without knowing them but you cant love them without knowing them and being willing to learn more
Anyway im going on a tangent and i still cant tell you what the difference in the whole lvoe thing eould be between learning to love chu wanning romantically and in general is outside of he thinks all of his sharpest edges are cute? they endear shizun to him, and thats all i have because i dont remember the like. questions of that What type of attraction are you feeling? quiz that helps me work it out.
yeah i have a bit more emotional intelligence then mo ran because i spend a looot of time thinking and self analysing but also its not by much. which is partly why i find his EM of -33 so relatable. mine is zero in this metaphor, which is better but still. like at least i can tell other peoples emotions apart with a suprsingly high degree of accuracy for someone who had managed to convince themselves they cant feel guilt and it was just anger obviously, not misplaced guilt nuh uh
ah i need to figuire out hoe to add a readmore in mobile for this rant
anyway mo ran yes correct conslusion that youre head over heels for chu wanning and not in love with shi mei, but no i dont think its just because you desire him carnally, you also desire him in every other way, ehich does not seem to apply to shi mei, but i dont think youre ready for that internal "im not even sure you consider shi mei as a human person with like agency and shit and nit a prop in your backstory" conversation. Which. I do see that shi mei isnt written that way which is just.. perfection, the complexity of secondary characters in danmei is unparalleled, love it when people that arent the main couple have personalities
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tomato-fendo-writes · 11 months
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I dont have an ao3 account so id like to drop a comment in your askbox if thats alright. With that being said the change of pov was SO good, keeping us in the dark as to what kazuya's feelings are about all this (tho we can kinda guess thanks to the previous chapters) especially on jin now that they have proper interactions, and its also kinda funny how quiet he is when we're not in his head. All while everything about jin is downright heartbreaking, the scene of him confronting his father over being late is my fav part of his chapter, cant wait for him to eventually realize that kaz isnt either "just closed off and not particularly mean" nor "uncaring and straight up cruel" but a little bit of both. Its also interesting how, from an outside point of view, kaz's self-interested pragmatism could ALMOST be read as kindness, he DID find jun's phone and he DID gave jin his own phone to contact lee. Speaking of, considering how empty that phone is save from messages from lee and jun, i wonder if jin is gonna find the pictures his mother send his father, im glad at least those photos didnt die along with jun and her phone :)
In any case, this fic makes me insane, Im eagerly waiting the next chapter, its really good👍
no problem taking comments in ask form! tho it is easier for me to lose track of them, and i think you can comment as a (named) guest on ao3? unless theyve changed that
but yo i have been thinking about this ask ALL DAY DHFJK, youve picked up on SO MUCH of the little stuff ive been laying down, youre the first person ive seen point out many of these! kazuya's intentions being easily misconstrued from the outside, jin having him HALF pegged, the pictures..... know that i very rarely bring things up without them contributing something, at least when it comes to my writing. legit started beaming and pointing at my phone screen reading parts of this comment - certain parts here will be VERY important, but i wont say which ones ;)
going thru the rest of the comment, ty so so much, writing jin's grief was something i spent a lot of time on, and us knowing kazuya's general thought process up to this point is why i switched when i did. we understand what he's thinking, what JIN thinking about all this? both sides are equally important, so i wanted to get jin's pov as early as i could.
and i agree that its almost funny how silent kazuya can be when we aren't reading his crazy little thoughts sdhfjk. when i write him interacting with people i often have to go "how many times can i have him go quiet before it gets freaking annoying," but im trying to write him a little more reserved! hes doing a lot of observation through much of this fic, he thinkin CONSTANTLY, but im trying to balance his internal and external voices as well as i can. i actually have a joke with my beta thats just "SPEAK, MOTHERFUCKER," cause he employs the silent, impassive deathglare so much 💀
ty SO SO MUCH i was glowing at lunch while reading this, thank you for your support, compliments, and everything else! ♥
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ebstf2 · 2 years
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tf2 ‘heacanons’ except it’s just stuff about our system which is full of tf2 fictives
so really more just talking about my head friends but i thought itd be funnier to frame it like this. feel free to consider them your own headcanons for our sources, sorry a lot of them are not good. also sorry to any other fictives, this isnt really gonna be the nicest thing youve ever read.
to prove that last point, im gonna start off by saying sniper is the most boring man i’ve ever met. genuinely not sure if there’s something wrong with him, but he has literally zero interesting traits
sniper also has this life philosophy where if he’s never happy, he can’t ever be all that sad. which jesus, yikes, that’s awful dude, but also it seems to work for him. so take that as you will
pretty much all of this is canon and pretty well known, but i think it’s worth mentioning anyway, soldier is literally the dumbest guy in our system. probably something wrong with him as well, idk. obviously loves military stuff, to a point where it can be dangerous at times for us to look at military gear, but of course he’s never been in the military. also pretty good friends with demo
pyro is not human and for me it is so weird to see versions of him where he is. i dunno exactly what he is, but i can tell you, he’s kinda just a little guy. also he doesn’t think in words, and it gets really hard to talk when i’m fronting with him. still a cool guy though.my pal.
i know the fandom pretty much considers this one canon, but they consider a lot canon thats nowhere near true to our fictives. our medic’s soooo gay it’s unbelievable. n i know this might be awful news for some of you to hear, but medic is the only gay dude from my version of source.
ok this one’s weird n specific but i know it with such intensity it would be a crime to leave it out. engie frickin loves bananas. like literally, if we’re eating a banana, he’s probably gonna front. no idea why him and why bananas but there you have it.
n last but not least, the most important detail- she’s not in our system, but holy crap the tfc pyro is so pretty. literally willing to forgive her for *all* the crimes
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parismemes · 3 years
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THINGS I’VE SAID ON DISCORD (OCTOBER EDITION) AS SENTENCE STARTERS.
“tell me everythng.” “HEHEHEHEHEHEHE” “i have read every single one of them and do not intend to stop” “i on principle only like songs that go hard” “I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT SAD WHAT THE FUCK” “heehoo. water boy.” “why i always sleep through this shit i hate it here” “gacha games count as gambling” “im also there. im laughing” “u r doing so much math and im just like hehe money” “what the fuck what the fuck NOOO what the fuck im dfgjhhfjgdhjfgkjdkghjd” “what a traumatic backstory” “I CAN SEE YOU READING MY MESSAGES IM GONAN GET FINESSED OUT THE FUCKIN WINDOW“ “THAT’S not good!” “if hes a fraid of dogs that sounds like a him problem” “i honestly deserve recognition for the absolute shit i just pulled off” “YES FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH HELL FUCKIN YEAH WOOOOOOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!” “why the fuck would you want that” “yeah hes my only one true love” “by a few i of course mean like 600″ “no one fucking appreciate me” “thank you ___ for being the only person who appreciate me” “i reveal it in pieces and make you put it together like a puzzle” “im smart and never regret it“ “see, i just dont think thats right” “i will continue dangling it in front of your face like a scientist dangling bait in front of a fish (who is also in a maze)” “hes actually like an absolute fucking nerd a complete fool a fucking dumbass” “sorry your message glitched and i cannot read. anyway back to my leverage over you which is forcing you into a corner,” “it's not extortion because i don't know what extortion means” “why do they talk like exes. its because they are exes” “TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE RESPOND” “he's a content creator he'll be fine” “what does this mean? but yes” “NICE NICE NNICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE” “for future record ___ just used the word poggers” “look at all these fuckin blondes” “its only been like a week and a half at most” “hes doing it out of affection” “ISNT THIS THE FUNNIEST SHIT YOUVE EVER SEEN” “you are terrible and also the worst” “i was going to send it at midnight but i got distracted trying to figure out the most barebones way to say happy birthday without sounding weird” “do you think i get punished more or less if i do sins” “i dont think the sins count as extra points if you commit them on the way to hell” “run over pedestrians” “i am slowly descending into insanity today, as a hobby” “you are a shit boy. a little shit boy go eat boxes“ “it's ok. we can figure it out later” “i didnt notice at first but it is in fact All The Fuck Over” “ITS BEEN OVER 12 HOURS” “hey guys just turns out we might have a ✨ gas leak ✨” “im sure if we put our braincells together we can figure SOMETHING out” “curious georg” “thank god. i could and would have argued this for several hours” “i think the worst thing ive heard today is someone calling the movie enchanted a reverse isekai” “i should not and will not stop” “i was RIGHT AHHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA” “that wasnt a question you read it wrong” “i have no idea who this is but that wont stop me” “THIS MAN REALLY SAID HEAD EMPTY WHAT IS MONEY” “sometimes i say things and its best to just pretend you know what i mean” “WOT THIS” “I DONT WANT PEE ON MY BED“ “tired of all these stupid fuckin plants” “could you even really consider jelly filled donuts donuts?” “actually everything is real” “if you eat cereal for dinner, you're not having fucking breakfast” “i think my in real life superpower is that i have freakishly fast metabolism” “i dont care if you are evil you are MY TYPE” “you dirty criminal” “is a dessert item a dessert if it isn't eaten after dinner? discuss” “ok im done for the Right Now” “found a concerning orb. in the sky.” “HOW DID YOU KILL THEM” “why do i do this to myself why do i keep doing this” “the only simp here is me” “I No Longer Wish To Know!“ “DID THEY JUST END AN ENTIRE SPECIES” “WE ARE DETERMINED” “this is also really funny by virtue of the fact that these people are all fucking british” “they throw rocks at me and say we want the himbo” “THE CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT HERE” “its something that i SPECIFICALLY am passionate about” “hanburnger?” “thats just what living with siblings is like” “howd she get there? fuckin beats me dude idk” “i remember everything i am like a shark with an abnormally good memory” “i am sorry that you are predictable” “Hey Guys, Just Checkiing In To Make Sure You Got My Joke, Just Making Sure, I Just Wanted To Check In And See If You Got The Joke, Because I Was Afraid You Wouldnt Get It, So Im Just Checking In,” “i marked your worm” “what are you gonna do. unsend whatever you send me? i am Shaking in my fuzzy socks rn” “you Know i hate the idea of being wrong” “You Did Not Need To Stroke His Ego” “i am too stupid to live and if i was not vaccinated my genes would have no chance of being passed on because i would be dead” “~the oldest anarchy server in minecraft history~” “am i shaking because of adrenaline or rage.... who can tell” “I HAVE SO MUCH ADRENALINE IN ME BUT ITS 1 AM IN THE MORNING” “jokes on u i fucking HATE ___ i think hes the worst” “JUST IMPULSE MADE BROWNIES AT 9 PM HEYOOOO” “cry about it more bitch boy maybe piss your pants while ur at it” “im getting so casually toxic back to toxic gamer boys” “itll be fiiiiiine” “we are all stupid mice who take turns being the piper” “queen of bargains is me i am the queen of bargaining and scoring deals” “its not TECHNICALLY a direct threat but also yes it is” “i see a demon i go possess me then bitch boy u wont” “AAAA THE FUCKIN VIIIIBES” “IM NOT GOING TO STOP BEING MAD ABOUT IT”
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theholyyuunoaduck · 4 years
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Reasons why i hate mikaela hyakuya
@gurensangel @chaoticgaymess sorry i know you wanted me to repost your post but its easier just starting my own and making my own hashtag so incase anyone else asks me about this i can just look for the hashtag and send them this
Mikaela is honestly one of those characters i desperately and i mean desperatly tried to love i mean his kid self was so so easy to love and want to protect and hell i cried a shit ton for him and his past his problems everything but the reality is mikaela is a toxic person and here im going to be explaining everything as clearly as i can though im sure that everyone has heard most of these arguments i also have some most people wouldnt even consider
Why is mikaela toxic? Well simply said when you have one person and only one then its obviously going to be an underlying mental health issue now you could say other characters are similar to mikaela within that regard like every other vampire but heres the thing we dont get to see much of the other vampires so im more or less apathetic to those vampires and their actions however in accordance to mikaela we have watched his actions since day one and his chemistry with the rest of the cast of owari no seraph what grinds my gears isnt the fact that mikaela acts with violence and distrust towards everyone but the actions that the rest of the cast have taken towards mikaela and his inability to react differently towards those same exact characters aka shinoa squad
Shinoa squad has never once treated mikaela with prejiduce with agendas or anything of ill will since day one the fact that shinoa basically is the cause of death of many of her comrads during the nagoya arc where mikaela attacks the jida troop (and yes it is a troop considering that after reading pannel after pannel theres upwards to 20 soldiers who the majority of which are equiped with standard blades unlike the protagonists you know basically cannon fodder) but my problem is the fact that in that chapter shinoa instigated their betrayal to save mikaela from the rest of the troops shinoa's life was threatned straight after acknowledging that this could be the last she ever layed eyes on yuichiro by letting mikaela escape with him first threatened by a random soldier and then right after rika inoue and by her superior narumi makoto and shinoa the fucking chad she is just took all the punishment because she knows damn well that it is her fault her comrads died because of her distraction to allow mikaela to escape eating away the precious time guren baught his soldiers to run away and escape and how does mikaela respond? He tells yuu to abandon them it doesnt take a genius to say that betrayal especially to the hiragi family is met with death even if mikaela doesnt understand the rules and regulations of human law i doubt vampire law is much different meaning he knows damn well shinoa could lose her life for betraying the army for his sake and not just shinoa but her entire squad
I already know what youll say "but but mikas a vampire he has no emotions" bullshit absolute pure fucking bullshit of an argument considering the fact yoichis mention of the word family/freinds was cause for pause for mikaela and not just mikaela look at ferid look at crowley theyre all so vibrant and brimming with personality and emotion and i am damn well sure no one disagrees this could just be kagami's writing and forgetting about this plotpoint
The fact that despite this mikaela is a manipulative fucker we all know yuu is a dumbass no one can deny this the fact that mikaela is willing to point his sword towards yuichiro and threaten him his so called beloved speaks volumes about mikaelas ego his straight up ego thinking that he's the only one that could be right after all mikaelas the wisest of the bunch right i mean after all everyone of his other decisions was followed through with outstanding results anyone? Anyone? Thats right not once has the squad or especially yuichiro listend to mikaela and do to that fact everyone is alive and kicking examples? (This is also an example of manipulative mika) Mika: Yuu abandon shinoa because if she's as great as you say us sticking around will only cause her trouble you cannot tell me that isnt mikaela trying to twist yuu's feelings for his family to abandon them because had they listened to mikaela shinoa would have been impaled by the chains kureto produced to awaken the seraph of the end
And almost right after that same situation upon mahiru injuring yuu awakening abadon mikaela high tails and runs away carrying yuu and we actually see a pannel of shinoa squad scrambling for saftey straight up abandoning them again and going so far as to yell that he is yuu's only family despite all the other shit
Alright so lets play into the whole mika doesnt have feelings dont you think that having no feelings would make your sense of judgement all the better? And if so with all the evidence and actions of shinoa squad why in Gods blue earth would he basically act like an actual dick towards shinoa who saved his life risked her life for him as if shinoa is the sole reason yuu is in the prediciment of being possessed by yuu?? Isnt that the least bit infuriating??
On next of we shouldnt listen to mikaela in the same arc again mikaela suggests lets leave shinoa squad to face off against crowley AND FERID with this bullshit of "theyre after us theyll just ignore them" i mean are you kidding me? Ferid the man youve been with for 5 years is going to not have the time of his life killing a bunch of teenagers for the simple fact that if yuu is running away and leaving them.they must not be important to him therefore easy pickings for him
Lets not trust guren after all he's just using you he doesnt care the man loves that boy like as if he was his son and you can argue against me with this some time later but alright lets give mika the benifit of the doubt so obviously in mikas infinit wisdom his set course of action is killing him infront of yuichiro??? Really??? In front of him?? Killing his father infront of yuu man that just speaks volumes about how mikaeala only cares about the feeling he gets with yuu rather than carring about yuu as a person
Imo mika cares about how yuu makes him feel rather than who yuichiro is what do i mean by this? Its simple mika doesnt give a damn what makes yuu happy hell mika would cage yuu up if it ment keeping him safe and alive but is that really living? Its cruelty if i adopt a dog feed it and give it water but never play with it and isolate it thats basically animal cruelty
Anyway back to mika trying to kill guren just right there yuu begs mika to stop and grabs his arm pulling him back and what does mika do? What does he do? He lops off yuu's arm the one that was holding mikaela back from attacking what makes this scene even worse is i had so much hope for mikaeala because the last battle they won mikaela said the thoight of losing his.comrads made him dizzy what happened to him not having feelings? I lived loved loved that statement i imagined uncle mika to yuus kids being the best man to yuus wedding begging to be the one to make the wedding cake so so so so so many au's based off those little words and right after removing yuu's limb from him kimizuki and yoichi step up for guren weapons drawn and mikaela threatens them?!?!?! I mean honestly how fucking hypocritical can you be how big is his fucking ego???
Ill end it with this point because i have work in the morning i Still have another 20 bullet points i want to add but im starting to think i have artheritistis in my hand because my fingers hurt so much but anyway my point being mikaelas character contradicts yui's in an unhealthy way while yuu's character trait is to run towards danger to be a hero mikas is to run from danger its basically a tug of war and the thing is the story so far has actually turned out well for the cast running into danger for yuu made the 6th angels trumpet to grow silent destroying all of the four horsemen monsters and letting humanity take a huge step towards rebuilding but had it been mika's way theyd have run right out of that building never to see it again my point is if someone pulls and runs towards something and another character ties a rope to them and runs the other direction that tension will cause nothing but problems instead of running forward with the protagonist in order to keep them safe and actually contribute into the success of the mission
Also like the hashtags say this is only part 1 because as i said i have to sleep and my hand is killing me i should have done this earlier when i had more energy in order to bring along all the sources like the chapter and page where you can find these exact moments along with photos of said arguments/bullet points
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teetlesandnimjas · 4 years
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Actually FUCK IT IM GOING ON THIS RANT NOW. YOUVE ALL HEARD IT BEFORE BUT I DONT CARE IM MAD
SO 2012 Mikey is an ADHD-coded character. I don’t know if this was on purpose or not, either way it’s extremely obvious in his actions and speech. Quick note, I am also ADHD, so this rant will be a little bias, sorry. I have seen 3 seasons of this show, so I’m not uninformed. I had to stop watching MAINLY BECAUSE OF THIS:
IN THE SERIES NOT ONCE IS IT ADRESSED THAT MIKEY HAS A GENUINELY DIFFICULT TIME CONTROLLING HIMSELF AND HIS BRAIN, AND HES NEVER BEEN HELPED ONCE! HE’S ABUSED AND TREATED LIKE A BURDEN! And I didn’t want to get “mad” or “uncivilized” but you have to admit that MIKEY GETS BEAT UP AND MADE FUN OF JUST FOR WHO HE IS. He doesn’t have a filter, that’s obvious. Yeah, he can be a little brat, but it’s not his fault. You think he wants to be HIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN? He makes a mistake? Smack! He starts talking a lot? Smack! His attention seeking behaviors- more on that later- start to kick in? SMACK! He JUST FUCKING EXISTS AS HIMSELF? SMACK! And the worst part is ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? THIS IS A JOKE? No this is horrible! It’s- dare I say it- ABUSE! I know siblings roughhouse and playfully banter, but this isnt roughhousing, this is one sided and cruel. Mikey, who can’t control himself and his energy no matter how hard he tries, constantly RUNS AWAY from Raph, Leo, AND MAYBE EVEN DONNIE AT ONE POINT. The worst of it is Raph, yeah, OBVIOSULY. You put an “annoying” filterless teen in a room with a hotheaded asshole, not too good. But that’s still his brother. Raph also isn’t completely evil and horrible, he has genuine anger issues that could be solved with some quick education and a better outlet. BUT YOU’D THINK HE WOULD SPARE SOME KINDNESS FOR HIS F A M I L Y. It gets ridiculous! His solution for everything is HIT MIKEY. Now I don’t want to make assumptions, but one of my issues with my dumb dumb electric meat blob is the self-worth issues. I feel bad for what I say and do, because I can’t help it. Thankfully I have coping mechanisms and my ways of helping myself so I can work on staying quiet when I need to, and not feeling such loathing when I don’t. Yknow who DOESNT know what to do, and isn’t even sure why he’s like this and probably thinks he’s A SCREW UP BECAUSE THERES LITERALLY A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT THAT? Mikey. AND YKNOW WHO DOESNT HELP? HIS FAMILY. YEAH THEY GREW UP IN THE SEWERS BUT YOUD THINK THE S C I E N T I S T WOULDVE NOTICED. But, no, Donnie verbally berates and belittles him. Leo’s okay, he does chase him around at only one point I can think of, and (albeit a headcanon that Leo’s autistic) he felt that Mikey disrespected something important to him, and yknow what fine as long as you apologize and don’t do it again, yeah whatever. It’s just ONCE. Raph hits Mikey EVERY EPISODE. AND ITS A J O K E??? N O. This genuinely influences young kids, especially young boys who were the target audience of the show, and this can HURT SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS. This normalizes the hitting and the yelling and the abuse. I don’t think siblings should roughhouse at all, and when they do it should be taken seriously and be treated as if two unrealated kids fought. A little fighting is natural, but THE LEVELS THE SHOW GOES TO HURTS. IT HURTS ME. I didn’t grow up with 2012, my parents wanted me to be all girly, but I watched 3 seasons about a year ago. And I hated the treatment of what I saw as a relatable character. Anyways stan Mikey, kill Raph, agree to disagree.
Oh and now because MIKEY ALSO HAS MASSIVE ATTENTION SEEKING BEHAVIORS here’s a mini segmant. I believe he is like this because of things like he wants constant attention and focus on him. He has a generally loud presence and he doesn’t try and hide it. The reason he probably doesn’t mask is because 1. He really can’t, he’s too exhausted to try because at this point nothing helps, and 2. Because he wants attention. And sadly that means negative attention too. A mix of ADHD and constant dismissive and negative behavior to you makes for a FUN RIDE when people aren’t giving you attention. And that’s really unhealthy. This probably stems either from or into self-esteem and anxiety issues. And I don’t want to say it’s HIS FAMILY’S FAULT but he spent 15 (or 16?) in the sewers with ONLY HIS FAMILY. If he needs constant attention and reassurance (and is infantalized which I ALSO HATE) then it’s probably because he didn’t receive enough positive attention when he was younger. In fact people even phrase things like “Attention-Seeking Behavior as a Symptom of Psychological Distress” which considering the show was “angsty” or “dark” I’m surprised they didn’t look into. If the show really wanted to be interesting I think they should’ve kept Mikey as an important character and not just comedic relief.
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la5t-res0rt · 4 years
Note
fun fact fucko no one cares that he’s trans, gnc, or autistic. all they care about is that he said someone wasn’t bisexual all because they hate them. thats fucked up no matter who you are. being austistic isn’t an excuse to be an utter dick hole.
alrighty folks strap in because we are in for a long one today
to start off i will begin by saying that i care about the identities of people i like and call friends i care enough to listen and learn from them because they have different perspectives on issues that i as a person who is none of the things that this person is will ever understand
it is important to listen to people and learn from them not just shine a light out of your ass for someone out of a weird place of blind worship thats honestly so cringey but that isnt what this is about this about you and likely others harassing ad sending death threats my friend and comrade betel bitches
i will now be going under a readmore to spare the dashboard
so lets recap what exactly is he being harassed for
as you all are no doubt aware there is a blog called nether receipts where a certain user we shall not name catalogs instances where members of the beetlejuice fandom are harassed correction its a blog where this person catalogs instances where flaws in their character as well as the characters of the people around her are highlighted and critiqued with the occaisional off color remark and threat which i obviously do not approve of who would
anyway following reading some ill-informed and not-so-well-phrased comments from a certain narcissistic user about their sexuality my friend had this to say
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this was the post that got them put on this receipts blog which really exists as a source of people for a certain cluster of the beetlebabe fandom to harass and try to drag or cancel 
this is the post that has made people call him biphobic and here is why thats wrong and stupid
you said in your ask that he only is saying that this icky person is not bisexual because there is malice between them and while yes its true that there is malice orion never once said that this person wasnt bisexual
i took the liberty of sifting through the harassment asks he received yesterday because you all love receipts so much i took the liberty of grabbing a few and adding some highlights so you dont miss the important bits
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orion never once said this person isnt bisexual he stated that equating doing femme on femme  pornography to bisexuality is a biphobic statement and is in fact a problematic thing to say
there may be crossover between bisexual people and people who do femme on femme but they are far from the same thing doing pornography is a choice you actively make and you do it for compensation however being bisexual is simply part of who you are it is something you dont choose 
although this person would perhaps disagree
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and before you come for me this person posted these for the world to see and obviously i have as many receipts as my drive can carry furthermore how does this argument make sense why would you care so much about heterophobia if youre not heterosexual why are you so pressed oh wait is it perhaps
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because this person is using the split attraction model for woke points like this screams that this person sees women as sex objects or perhaps this person is comphet and is denying themselves because heteronormativity is so deeply ingrained in their being that they wish to cling to heterosexuality to keep up their squeaky clean white feminist woman persona or maybe theyre just not well informed on lgbt+ issues
editors note the editor is an ace person who considers using the split attraction model is situations like this isnt exactly helpful like i cant stop you from doing it but you shouldnt have to say im a bisexual heteromantic person you can just be a  bisexual woman and keep dating men you dating men doesnt erase your bisexuality saying that you would have sex with a woman but not romantically be involved with them makes the editor think woman = sex object and as a feminist the editor has to say thats fucked up
i will reiterate implying that doing pronography of any kind is equitable to a human sexualty is harmful to bisexual people and if youre like uhhh im bi and i think its okay guess what you do not speak for every single bi person so you should try harder to be compassionate for other peoples level of comfort
in any case statements like these are hurtful to bi people equating voluntary sex work to a sexuality isnt okay and its something that person should maybe address and consider apologizing for but since this person only listens to people in their inner circle and they dont even really listen to them its unlikely that this person will ever make amends for past biphobic tendencies because as everyone has been so quick to point out being bi doesnt excuse biphobia or homophobia or anything of the sort editors note heterophobia is not a legitimate issue im sorry if you feel oppressed for your straightness but really thats a you issue 
here is one more screenshot where my friend basically covers what i have just said as well as reminding the world that the owner of nether receipts is a narcissist 
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being a bisexual person does not excuse you from saying biphobic things and there is literally no identifier you can use for yourself that exempts you from criticism for your actions and it doesnt mean that people cant demand that you address the wrongs youve done or said
you dont have to listen you dont have to do anything but dont be surprised if you say something shitty to a group of people and they get mad at you
also all that being said what orion said was not biphobic if anything he is raephobic but lets be honest who isnt ok there thats my one funny haha for you
we have every right to criticize someone who creates simulated cp and shares it with minors in 18+ servers or someone who equated bisexuality to voluntary sex work or someone who accuses people who disagree with them of being fascists or nazis or someone who goes out of their way to repost and edit art in a mocking manner or someone who actively claims to own a fandom like these are all critique worthy behaviors that all come from the same person who never explains their actions never holds themselves accountable for the shit they cause like we as people who share the same space as this person have every write to call bull roar when we see it
it is no secret that i dislike his person and it is also no secret that i will not hesitate to the the opportunity to drag them for being a shitty person whenever the opportunity arises and since their most recent beef with me was about how i was a bad friend i guess i figured this would be a good time to come forward for one of my friends who received dozens of harassment messages and several death threats over his commentary on the actions of this one vile individual
and i am addressing them now if they ever end up reading this or when it is inevitably sent to this person 
if youve got a problem with the way he and i or other antis critique you maybe come out from behind your wall of dipshit cronies and talk to us your damn self i am very sick of having to deal with nasti or morgan or that one minor or suz or that person that runs the rp blog or any of the others in your little hoard im tired of them trying to be slick like we see you we see all of you
all of your simulated cp aside youve said some really shitty things that you could easily amend since youve likely learned more about what it means to be lgbt+ since it is now a community you see yourself being a part of 
part of being human is learning from your past and making a better version of yourself for tomorrow and although i think you are a really awful person i dont think youre above self betterment and self reflection and self awareness 
also you dont seem to care at all when threats are being tossed around by your buddies but no matter how much me or orion or any of the others dislike what you do no person in their right mind would be okay with sending death threats and you shouldnt either you should at the very least extend that courtesy 
anyway
fuck you asker youre full of trash garbage and i hope you have a not so good day like i hope it rains or something invalidate my friends identity and ill yell at clouds
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enbypanposi · 4 years
Note
idk why but I always feel weird about using the term "panphobia". Usually "-phobia" terms are reserved for people who are oppressed, and I just don't really feel oppressed as a pan person. Like, people are mean to pan people, obviously, and we get flack from within our own community, but I feel like a lot of the true oppression that other LGBTQ+ labels get kind of doesn't affect us. People don't seem to see us as a "threat" like they do with other labels like bi or gay.
So, heres the thing about this.
There are legitimate reasons to dislike using -phobia (principally, ableism) but I dont think that playing the so-called oppression olympics is one of them. Pan people do experience oppression. Its not a matter of how ‘true’ the oppression is or even how vitriolic the hate that group gets is. I think when most people use panphobia, theyre talking about people who specifically target pan people, who say things like ‘pan isnt real’ or ‘pan doesnt exist,’ etc. But panphobia also includes every other kind of hate a person who is pan would get for being LGBT, not specifically pan. What is typically considered biphobia, such as the ‘its just a phase’ or ‘pick a side’ arguments, can be directed at a pan person (or any other mspec for that matter.) I dont think it would be right to call it biphobia in that case--i mean, when a bi woman faces hate for being with a woman we dont call it lesbophobia, right? its just biphobia, so in the same way it would be panphobia. Any number of homophobic things can be thrown at pan people as well--were not immune from being called slurs or facing discrimination or, god forbid, even hate crimes. People dont back off when you tell them youre pan and not gay. I dont think its accurate to say were not oppressed. I just dont. 
Trying to distinguish between ‘true oppression,’ as you say, and not real oppression is....meaningless. Oppression has to exist either way to make the distinction. And again, I dont think the most virulent LGBT-phobes would ever back down or stop acting in an LGBT-phobic way because they discover the person theyre directing their hate towards is, say, pan and not a gay man. Quite honestly, cishets see us as a joke--they cant even accept that there are more than two genders so the idea of liking ‘all’ is funny to them because its meaningless when you dont even believe in the ‘all.’
Pan people may not be characterized in the media as predatory monsters, but a lot of that has to do with the great strides which have been made in the way all LGBT people are portrayed. We havent even seen many instances of pan people existing in media at all until a few years ago, and that in turn has to do with the fact that pan as a label was greatly popularized by the internet. So pan portrayals exist in a world which was already more forthcoming to LGBT people as a whole. Thats a good thing, but even then--pan portrayals fall flat and perpetuate harmful ideas (and usually not just about pansexuality but bisexuality too--looking at you, big mouth). 
I think if anything is at fault its the fact that the only things we attribute to panphobia are people making the argument that our label is redundant or nonexistant. Which, I will be clear, is panphobia, its just not the only panphobia. Or at least thats the only context in which this ask really makes sense to me. We are just as capable of facing violence for our identity as any other LGBT identity. Theres just as many people who think we should pick a gender and stick with it as think that about bi people. And quite honestly I think its just....hurtful to say pan people are incapable of facing any form of hate for their identity--I can guarantee that there are people following me who have faced exactly that, and Im not in the business of telling anyone what they 'actually’ went through or that it ‘wasnt real’ or ‘wasnt hurtful.’ 
I think the fact that you havent felt oppressed is great!! I sincerely hope you continue to feel safe and secure in that way. But, and forgive the meme, your experiences are not universal. I dont want to pass any judgement about you as a person, but it could be that the reason you feel that way is you have other privileges which have shielded you from that kind of experience, privileges that not everyone has. Or maybe youve just internalized the idea that your identity isnt ‘important enough’ or ‘valid enough�� to ““earn”” oppressing. But I dont know you. I would consider at least thinking about it, and maybe hearing from pan people who have faced oppression for their orientation. Sorry that this is long.
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iobottle · 5 years
Text
atissi
replied to your post
“it kinda makes me sad when artists giving out tutorials on character...”
oh could you talk more about this? :o
ABSOLUTELY thank u for enabling me to go off about designs i love this shit this may get a bit long so its going under a readmore (sorry if ur on mobile i hope it works)
gonna start this off with im no expert Nor have i taken any sort of official art class this is me just analyzing characters from what i found that makes them memorable to ppl (most of these examples are going to be from games sorry i got them on my mind)
ok so basically making a memorable revolves around personality and appearance now theres different ways to go about showing these things and i think from consuming media you like will help narrow down how you wanna go about it, basically thinking about your character inside and out!
SO shapes and hyperstylization is a good way to get a fun appearance across in a cartoon esp media and is often what a lot of artists stress on an example of using shapes and a good silhouette to make a memorable character is sonic!(specifically comic sonic)
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(had to google idw sonic for a non...u know image)
but not only do they use lots of triangles for this hedgehog they also made him blue! you’d be more likely to remember a blue headgehog over a realistically colored one!(also almost all of the sonic characters have a combination of fun shape + unusual color to help you remember them! the designs werent afraid to use color to make a bold statement)(he’s also segas mascot so of course they put a lot of work in his design)
now sonics appearance is not the only reason why people like him or remember him so much he’s also got personality! he’s cocky, fast, always getting into trouble, “you’re too slow!”, accompanied by shitty butt rock and a cool guy persona ie he’s got personality! and they weren’t afraid to give him some weird interests(see the butt rock) and he’s not perfect( see arrogance) if youve ever played a sonic game you have almost always remembered the crush 40 theme that went with it
all in all to go with his unusual appearance he’s got some unusual traits! it helps make him believable! admittedly he’s not the most embarrassing of the sonic crew (see knuckles or shadow) but he’s definitely rounded and not boring from an objective standpoint(you can not like sonic or his games i dont care)
(another example of something that requires good shapes is pokemon altho they arent really like very depthy since there are 600+ and some only have like a pokedex entry worth of info but still they have good and memorable designs)
NOW something that doesnt have the most “good shapes” design off the top of my head is link
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now in the most recent zelda game his most memoriable physical attribute is that he’s on the androgynous side w his longer hair and smaller build but in his older designs he looked something like this
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(art for a loz:link to the past)
not really that much of a striking silhouette, but what do we look at and kinda leaves an impression on us? his hair and hat! its very silly to see someone in such a big green hat with that big of bangs/mullet, the hat at least became so ridiculous of a look that in botw nintendo didnt include his hat in links main outfit bc it was too hard to make look good, its silly! thats good! its fine to have a normal human looking characters because sometimes stories are about humans, but if you want us to remember them include something that will strike us as strange for them
also probably a good thing to note is the noises link makes when he swings his sword, jumps, pushes something, ie any action they have always been something that has stuck with me
(another example similar to this is in mgs solid snake in mgs is this cool super spy but is rocking a full on mullet which is considered a joke hairstyle. this leaves an impression on us. a spy with a mullet! how ridiculous! another example is raiden who was specifically made bc a woman wrote that she didnt want to play as an “old man” so the protagonist of the super spy game is a longer haired pretty boy (with a huge ass))
now ive explained a little on a character with good shapes and personality and a character with a more “boring” shape design that makes up for it with almost quirky design choices but i feel like theres another series thats what originally got me thinking about how even a memorable silhouette doesnt need hyperstylization
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ace attorney! (which is out on switch now if u havent played it i would def recommend it)
if you dont know the protagonist is the guy in the blue suit(phoenix), which well he looks like just a guy...with ridiculously spikey hair enough so that in his silhouette you can recognize him but also his posture (the pointing) makes for a sticking recognizable image bc if you’ve played the games you can practically hear objection just from looking at phoenix’s silhouette
which is another thing id like to talk about! not only are a good shape a way to have a good silhouette but posture is also important! how the character holds themselves can say alot about them just from a glance! such as meekness, arrogance, confidence, sadness, anger, happiness its a very important too especially when you arent relying on stylization
now onto the characters of ace attorney ive gone over phoenix's design a bit but theres a few others id like to look at with some Weird style choices that make us remember them(just going to glance over them since this post is so long)
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now, this woman, franziska von karma, she dresses kind of strange for a prosecutor but her outfit is not too out there and her silhouette is not striking
but you see that whip? remember how i said she was a prosecutor? yeah she will strike people in court for getting off topic and will even hit phoenix when he starts breaking down her witnesses testimonies, which what literally strikes up about her
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another prosecutor, godot, now his hair could provide a somewhat memorable shape but what we first notice is the strange mask on his face which is weird, but not the Same weird as franziska bringing a whip to court thus having both of these prosecutors being Weirdly memorable for different things (another note is his liking of coffee that he does not give up even in court ha ha)
now onto the other protag for the aa games
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apollo! who also has weirdly spikey hair, but even if you put a silhouette of him next to phoenix you could tell there some was a difference between the two! its showing a pattern with the protags while also keeping them distinct enough to be able to tell who is who! although you cant say the pointy haired guy from ace attorney and not get just One answer unlike saying the prosecutor who has a whip but still they are distinct to people who have little experience with the series
sorry i dont have any sort of conclusion on this this was just sort of me rambling on about character design, but my main point is if you are discouraged bc all your characters dont have wildly different silhouettes thats ok! there are other ways to establish a good memorable character! dont be afraid to make them a little weird! give your character pink hair in a medieval setting, have them be ridiculously in love with tigers they have a striped shirt and pants, let them love childrens tv shows and have them never miss an episode, give them wacky hair or an extreme love of gum, show us some personality!! but dont forget about how they act and their values and dont forget that posture can go a long way for establishing a first impression
there are also many other methods to making a good character! like colors and dress!
silly is the way to go! have fun with it!!
there isnt just one way to make a good character!! theres plenty of more series that have good character design that i didnt mention pay attention to why you like the characters you like! also watch this video bc its really good
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Text
Artist-Poet Feature: Claudia Serea & Maria Haro
Pleased to feature artist Maria Haro alongside poet Claudia Serea with some of their collaborative work...
Where are you from? How did you get into creative work and what is your impetus for creating?
Claudia Serea:
I was born and raised in Romania, and I started writing poems when I was around 14 years old, in Romanian, of course. I wrote until my third year in college, then stopped. I immigrated to the U.S. in 1995 and took up writing almost 12 years later, this time in English. As for the reasons, I write because I believe I have something to say: my experience growing up behind the Iron Curtain, my immigration story, and the fact that I am constantly moving between two languages and cultures, not fitting perfectly in either of them. I also find inspiration everywhere around me, on New York City streets, in everyday life. I don't have to make up almost anything, just type what I see really fast. :)
Maria Haro:
I was borned in Madrid, Spain. Ever since I remember, I have been creating. My father is also an artist, so I grew up surrounded by art. I started my professional career in 1994 when I moved to New York City after graduating in graphic design.
My impetus for creating has evolved through the years. It started as something I liked to do, then something that I liked and I needed for a living, and now is evolving into something I need to do in order to make sense of it all.
Tell me about Twoxism, your current project and book, and why it’s important to you. What do you hope people get out of your work?
Claudia Serea:
I started the blog Twoxism in 2015 together with my friend, photographer Maria Haro—but the idea is older than that. The project concept came from Maria's friend, the Spanish photographer, Koldo Mirren Guinea Herran. He contributed some excellent photography to our project; he also designed the amazing cover and created the layout of the book. One of the poems I wrote for his beautiful photograph of tools was shared 1,600 times on StumbleUpon alone. I’m sure a lot of its appeal is because of this iconic image. Here it is: 
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Sometimes I feel like a mechanic
Sometimes I feel like a mechanic, hammer and wrench instead of hands,
fitting the small parts, turning them this way and that, until they lock together, tight, teeth clenched.
I test the wheels, try the belt, turn the engine on and off, and on again,
listening to the wheezing, the whirr, until it works, and the growl comes on,
and the propeller starts flipping and swooshing,
and the shiny thing lifts into the air and flies into the world,
leaving me behind with my greasy hands and grimy nails,
grinning.
Maria Haro:
Twoxism started as a poetry-photography collaboration blog (www.twoxism.com) for which I took the photos and Claudia wrote the poems they inspired. In April 2017, 33 selections from the blog became an art exhibition that opened in New York City. Recently, Twoxism became a book published in December 2018 by the Canadian press 8th House Publishing. 
Twoxism is an invented word for all things two—among them, love, friendship, and relationships. We had a great response to the blog, with +15K page views and +40K impressions on Twitter and growing. As a project, it finds beauty in unexpected places and sees the mundane with redemptive eyes. As a book, it speaks of love and relationships in a new way. We hope others find it fresh, inspiring, and authentic. I personally started to better understand personal relationships through the photos I take and the lens of the artists who contribute to Twoxism.
Does collaboration play a role in your work—whether with your community, artists or others? How so, and how does this impact your work?
Claudia Serea:
I love collaborating with other artists. Collaboration gives my poems the chance to be shared with and enjoyed by more people. It gives the poem a new life. Apart from Twoxism, I collaborated with film directors who turned my poems into videos. My poem In Those years, No One Slept was set to music for choir by composer Rich Campbell, and the song won the top prize at the 2018 Uncommon Music Festival last August. I have another ongoing poetry-photography project with artist Mike Markham which, who knows, might become an exhibition or book in the future. And Maria and I we’ll keep Twoxism growing as long as it can. We are just getting started.
Maria Haro:
My biggest drive now is to discover what is possible through collaboration, and everything has to have a purpose. I am mostly interested in creating work than helps others using my design, photography, and artistic skills. I always have more projects on my mind that time to execute them and make the best of them. That is where collaboration really makes sense to me. Things are always better together.
Considering the political climate, how do you think the temperature is for the arts right now, what/how do you hope it may change or make a difference?
Claudia Serea:
Creativity knows no limits and no one can contain it, although some might try. The arts are hot in the U.S., and they will always be. Language is also extremely important in shaping our message and connecting us with emotion. Here is a poem from Twoxism that explores language’s important role, accompanied by Maria’s evocative photo:
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About languages
In what language does the house painter paint?
Does the wind in Chile speak Spanish to the trees?
Do the gulls over the Hudson River cry Whitman’s verse?
And what about the Statue of Liberty?
In what language does she keep silent?
Coming from Romania, I feel fortunate to be in the United States and share my poems in English with the artists here. Who knew something like this could happen? I never thought I would get here in the first place. We get to write and express ourselves, and that is thrilling to me. I am very grateful for that. In turn, we must fight to open doors for others, and not create in a vacuum. There are countless artists and poets who live under oppressive regimes and don’t get this chance. We need to raise our voices and help them in any way we can. It’s an uphill battle, but I have faith we can contribute to the change.
Maria Haro:
Being an artist is hard, and it will always be, no matter where you are and what political climate you’re in. But it really helps to be in Madrid and in New York City where there is freedom to express yourself and a lot of receptivity to art.
Art is very intangible. You can only break through when you touch the viewer’s emotions and cause disruption. I will continue to try to do that for the rest of my life.
Sense of humor is another great weapon to have. I love to explore through my art the political environment and discover in deeper layers what is really going on and how it translates into our daily lives. Here is a twoxism that illustrates that:
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High stakes entertainment
When all of this is over,
we'll have invented a new game,
the American roulette.
All is fair in love and war. So pass the popcorn, the wine, lots of wine, and the remote.
Artist Wanda Ewing, who curated and titled the original LFF exhibit, examined the perspective of femininity and race in her work, and spoke positively of feminism, saying “yes, it is still relevant” to have exhibits and forums for women in art; does feminism play a role in your work?
Claudia Serea:
In Twoxism, we explored the topic of empowering women in several combinations of poems and photographs. The goddess woman, the working woman, the skateboarding girl who is afraid to fall, the mother, the lover, the friend, they all find voices in the book. One of my favorites pieces is “Ode to the warrior woman,” paired with a beautiful photo of red lipstick as a “weapon” of choice by Maria Haro. Here it is:
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Ode to the warrior woman
Beautiful woman, the world is still cruel and wild.  Bring out the thunderbolts and don’t be afraid of the fight.
 Put on your lipstick and pull up your boots. Grab your sword and slay the dragons on your way to work.
Walk in knee-high blood on 7th Avenue and don’t let anyone see the quiver in your heart.
 Be kind and smile. Don’t let them see that you’re hurt.
Sharpen your talons, merciless bird.
Woman, you da man, the man’s womb, you da bomb!
 Galaxies explode from your sex,  Milky Way swirls and pours out of your breasts.
Tell the little girl inside you to hush.
Swing the bow on your back and spread your eagle wings.
There is so much to fight for, so much to do.
Put on your lipstick, girl.
The world is waiting for you.
Maria Haro:
There isn’t really a choice for us to demand equal rights for women. It’s mandatory (and I have projects coming up that directly address this topic.)
Ewing’s advice to aspiring artists was “you’ve got to develop the skill of when to listen and when not to;” and “Leave. Gain perspective.”  What is your favorite advice you have received or given?
Claudia Serea:
Keep writing even if you get rejected. Be honest and true to yourself. And, most importantly, never give up. Persistence is the most important quality.
Maria Haro:
Attack your fears by being fearless.
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How do the birds know when it’s time to fly?
They must feel a restlessness, or a clock striking in their brain,
an itch, or a longing in the bones.
Or maybe the roads are calling, unfolding ahead,
new balconies of the city, glimmering windows and highways of air.
That’s when I have to say goodbye to my friends of the same feather
and prepare to travel light, with only love as carry-on.
Then, without thinking too much, the leap:
the push off the ledge, a flap or two.
I lean my chest against the wind and glide.
The current pours and lifts me up, up, so I can see everything.
Farewell, past.
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Twoxism by CLAUDIA SEREA & MARIA HARO
Published by 8th House Publishing, Montreal, Canada
Order the book here.
6 x 9 | Paperback | December 2018
116 pages | Price: $20.00
ISBN 978-1-926716-53-4
Follow us on the blog Twoxism and on Instagram @Twoxism.
Claudia Serea is an award-winning Romanian-born poet whose poems and translations appeared in Field, New Letters, Gravel, Prairie Schooner, RHINO, The Malahat Review, and elsewhere. She has published five poetry collections, most recently Twoxism, a poetry-photography collaboration with Maria Haro (8th House Publishing, 2018). Serea is a founding editor of National Translation Month and a co-host of The Williams Poetry Readings series in Rutherford, NJ.
Maria Haro grew up in Madrid, Spain, where she studied fine arts and graphic design. She graduated from the School of Graphic Communications and moved to New York City in 1994. She has won several global awards as a Creative Director in pharma advertising. She collaborates with other artists on projects that inspire her. You can find her photos on Instagram @mariavisualdesigner.
~
Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.
Current call for collaborative art-writing: http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/181376606692/lff-2019-artistpoet-collaborations
https://www.facebook.com/femmesfolles
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scarletrebel · 5 years
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⭐star⭐ waffle at me about your favourite lines youve written
ohhh friend you have opened a pandoras box and i hope you are ready also thank you aha
so i started…….. picking some lines and made the Executive Decision to just do one fic because i was planning on doing a couple from a handful of fics but turns out im far too prone to waffling about this kind of stuff because i love picking things apart and figuring out why they work because i love fuckign words and the things they evoke and stuff so yeah this is just some fave lines from most recent fic, requital. 
this was part of a ‘directors cut’ writer thing and if anyone has any more prompts, feel more than free to send them my way! 
Requital, Chp. 1: 
His honesty, wrapped tightly underneath a chivalrous act; a throwaway comment to soften the exposure of such a question, draws her closer.
She kisses him, and hopes that even though the motion is countless in the amount of times they’ve come together, that the answer is plain enough. A claim, she hears her own words in her head, tasting the tobacco of his morning cigarette on her tongue, the warmth of the pull at his hands on her hips.
so whilst i cant say this section was directly inspired by the ecdysis book, what i can say is that there is definitely some influence going on here, in particular these two lines from the page ‘synesthesia’:
“Wu Ming is a bonfire in the darkness, and she crawls toward his warmth.”
“Wu Ming leaves his questions by the wayside as he is drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty.” 
and thats not something i realised until i was writing the final draft, and im pretty pleased with myself considering not only is requital going to examine some of the similarities between avia and drifter, but also the fact that ecdysis is probably my favourite book. i mean…… ‘drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty’ what the FUCK KIND OF LINE its gorgeous i cant deal with it or this book or this page or how desperately gorgeous the tragedy of drifter and orins relationship is 
also…… look. im a hopeless romantic. always have been, probs always will be, so when i say avia and rook are soulmates i mean it in the cheesiest way possible. right before this is rook feeling a bit self-conscious about the whole awoken engaging thing, and theres no way avia can actually put into words how irrevocably in love she is with rook. so she kisses him, and hopes beyond hope that she can put those feelings into motions if not words. i also enjoy the small bit of possessiveness that came out of her too, because the whole ‘claim’ thing with the awoken was there since the first draft but this section came in the final edit, she thinks of it so casually but when she goes on to say that she’d actually duel anyone who came between them i…….. would not put it past her to be 100% down to do that. 
rook isnt a bonfire in the darkness, he’s an anchor in the deep, a solid tether when the sea becomes a storm. 
(ayyy where the FUCK WAS THAT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS) 
Requital Chp. 2:
Here’s the thing, if you’ve gone through the trouble of decrypting this (a fortified certain-eyes-only encryption that took me a couple of hundred years to perfect, thank you very much), it at least means you’re interested, so hear me out.
i like this line a lot, for a few reasons. drifter knows avia well enough at this point to be well acquainted with her temper and lack of time for dealing with his nonsense. it’s the first flick of the coin between the two of them, drifter laying the proverbial gauntlet down and at the end of the day, its up to her whether or not she picks it up. 
and she does, avia asks levi to decrypt it, and the first thing she sees is drifter acknowledging that shes done so and asking her to at least hear him out. he’s kind of caught her out, and she can respect that even if thats not at the forefront of her mind. avia also has her own brand of curiosity when it comes to people like the drifter, so this is kind of the first inkling of that. and it also (i hope) makes you wonder if drifter is aware of that curiosity that she has, if he sent the message decrypted on purpose to get her interested. 
She smiles at the note, throws her legs over the bed and stretches around a yawn. Five minutes later, Levi puts her in her armour.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” The Ghost asks. “We don’t have anything urgent to do. There’s breakfast here.”
Avia hums, considering. She moves into the kitchen, glances over the fridge, the cupboards. She looks then onto the sofa, the sprawled pillows, untidy blankets. Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.
“No. I’m not hungry, let’s go.”
“Okay,” Levi says in that tone of voice that lets her know they aren’t buying it. “Should we walk, or transmat?”
Avia notices the balcony door is still open. She walks over and closes it, the streets barely alive as one or two civilians walk to and fro, glancing idly at each other as they pass. “Transmat.”
avia immediately makes an comment about being all domestic with rook in chapter 1. its just not something that suits her in her own mind, and that line (even though i havent waffled about it bc dear god theres too much here already) was something i immediately knew i wanted if i was going to write a day of domestic bliss with her and her fiance, because i knew it’d be a hard thing for her to just get on with like a normal person aha. 
so, we get this part in chapter 2. the domestic bliss is over, and what avia knows best, what shes always known best, is a set of armour and getting back to work. however this part of herself contradicts that which she’s experienced for the past day, and especially the line ‘Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.’ i put in to really reinforce that idea. its not the metal that feels out of place in this scene, its the person in the metal. and her eagerness to transmat straight to the tower rather than walk through the peaceful city streets shows her tendency to run from such thoughts.
this part came really naturally, actually. its a small snapshot into a bigger struggle avia has with herself (especially given the dreaming city, the reef, petra and now potentially going back to the worst part of the shore with drifter) of where she belongs, and more importantly, if she deserves to belong. which is why levi talks to her in that tone because they know what shes doing, theyve seen it so many times before – avia in a scenario that resembles something normal and running from it with no one around to stop her, because in her subconscious she doesnt believe she deserves it. 
“Ada-1, I believe, has fully settled into the Tower. She becomes more and more tolerable of the Guardians by the day. And with the discovery of Niobe labs, her mood has been favourable.”
i had no idea how fun scarlet was to write until i got to this part. she almost has her own language, really. writing ‘im really proud of ada because i spent all morning with her and she was only snippy with like two guardians and shes been really uplifted and im really happy for her since they found niobe labs’ in scarlets own ‘okay but heres the relevant information’ way of explaining things is a challenge but FUN. like, really fun?? 
because scarlet wouldnt be mentioning adas mood if she didnt care, ya know? and its not that she cant say that longer thing about being proud and stuff, its just that she doesnt see the sense in it and its not important information. like, if avia and eden were to spend a dedicated amount of time whittling her down she would absolutely say ‘i am so proud of ada and also i wanna smooch her face how do i do that as an exo’ but its just not a thing for her. but part of the reason why ada and scarlet being together was an idea that i had was because i imagine that line of thinking probably suits ada. 
“It was at Ada’s request. I had more knowledge of the area in its current state, and felt more comfortable talking to Ikora and her Hidden agents than Ada did…”
supportive exo girlfriends. that is all. man ive gotta write more about these two
“Hmm,” Ada wears a concerned stare masked behind a formal rigidity that Avia knows her Warlock teammate best for.
if im being honest, i just really enjoy this line. i imagine its hard for exos to show concern, esp a character like ada and my girl scarlet, so avia has spent a lot of time dissecting certain facial cues and yeah im proud of how this description came out aha
…as if she hadn’t spent the past few months clipping sidelong comments and threatening him when his Gambit veered out of the realm of her control.
avia is a control freak. plain and simple, and i wanted to make that as obvious as possible considering this sentence is only a few away from avia choosing to go and talk to drifter. 
there’s a certain amount of ‘i need to understand this thing that i have limited knowledge on so i can predict/control/plan for it in the future’ in how avia views drifter in general, its a kind-of warlock way of thinking about things but the big difference is avias need for control in these situations is a) selfish and b) only applies to things that she knows she has a good chance of understanding/taming. shes not going around learning about the hive because she has a good understanding that thats a cosmic threat that can only be defended against until it comes. drifter on the other hand is on her doorstep.
i also really loved the contradiction in putting ‘gambit’ and ‘control’ next to each other in a sentence, i kinda hoped it showed how conflicted avia is about going and talking to drifter, and maybe even how naive it is of her to think that it could turn out okay. 
She was incensed, maybe, at the way he spoke to Ada, needed to go and stomp the idea out of his head but he got her talking, like he does
i like this line bc its avia acknowledging that she knows how shes viewed. she knows everyone sees her as a hot-head, she knows her anger veers away from her sometimes and whilst she’s gotten better at getting a handle on it, it’s still an aspect of her that people who dont know her well enough find it hard to get past. 
i also enjoy how new people to this fic/avia in general might not know that this is a big part of her? so she’s trying to use it as an excuse, ‘well no one can blame me if i say i got really mad because thats what i do’ and it (hopefully) tells new people about that aspect of her character without having to show the worst part of it, the convo with ada being an introduction to it i guess – especially since the past few scenes have seen her a lot softer than im used to writing aha. 
“Dammit,” she mutters under her breath. And walks towards the Drifter before she can make a better decision
fun fact – this line was originally ‘and walks down the corridor before she can make a better decision.’ 
i changed it because i wanted to make it more obvious that avia is making a conscious decision to choose drifter, that she’s walking towards a path that she knows is not a good idea. it provides foreshadowing for the allegiance quest and referring to him as ‘The Drifter’ cements it as an idea that she’s walking towards and not necessarily a person. 
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thedeadflag · 5 years
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Hey, pretty soon I'll be playing a friend of mine is gonna be DMing Tyranny Of Dragons for me and a couple of friends, and I can't decide whether I should play a Monk (probably Open Hand, maybe Kensei) or a Ranger (either Beastmaster or Horizon Walker), 'cause I've never played either of those classes, nor has anyone at the tables I've played. Can you tell me a little about your experiences with these classes?
The Ranger has been one of my favourite classes throughout the editions of D&D in terms of flavour, and I’ve had some fun with monks as well. In 5th edition, both took a fair bit of a hit in utility (individual and within group dynamics) and power at pretty much all ranges. The Ranger was propped back up a little bit in Unearthed Arcana in the revised ranger archetype, but both are still largely considered at best middle of the road classes, and at worst, the lowest tier of classes in the game in utility and character. 
That’s not to say they can’t be fun and have a lot of flavour, and still find use. If you’ve watched Critical Role, you can see Vex and Beau weren’t useless by any stretch. No class is junk in 5e due to the improved parity compared to some past editions. So power and utility aside, if you feel drawn to any class/subclass, and you want to dive into its particular brand of flavour, then I say go for it. I would gauge the rest of the party’s makeup in making your decision, because group synergy is important, but you have to make yourself happy, too, right?
Anywho, I’ll break down my take on both.
When it comes to Monks, I like Open Hand the best. If you want to have a Monk-style gameplay with weapons, then Mystic or Fighter are probably better options with some more flair and utility involved than Kensei imo, but if that’s the route you want to take, it’d be alright. However, Open Hand has quivering palm, which is pretty incredible late game as far as damage and flexible timing from a single person through 3 ki pts and an action. If you do ever reach level 17, I would recommend multiclassing after that if you’re allowed, since the rest of the Monk’s class progression is kind of junk in comparison, and it could use some much needed utility from 3 levels of another class. Anywho, I like open hand not just for the flavor of being a class that’s capable of being an unarmed beast in battle, but also because of the way it can work in alignment with fighters who can also control the battlefield, like any fighter with a sentinel/polearm master. The ability to shove an enemy up to 15ft with one of your flurry attacks, launching them into the range of a fighter who gets a free opp attack against them and can from then on lock down their movement with a successful hit? That can be an excellent tag team. The Monk isn’t excellent for utility, but the Open Hand technique is probably the best at providing utility in combat among all the monk disciplines. Like, another option after hitting with flurry of blows is to steal all reactions for the opponent until the end of your next turn. This can be especially helpful against casters, as stealing reactions = preventing counterspells. And Monks can get a lot of attacks = lots of attempts to disrupt concentration of enemy casters, so the open hand monk is especially helpful at being a designated mage wrecker with having the mobility to reach casters and the ability to destabilize them. It’s arguably the one thing (aside from unarmed damage) that (this one kind of) monks do better than just about anyone else, arguably.
Now, to Rangers.
Honestly, I don’t like beast-focused Rangers. I think they’re a lot of work in order to get the mechanical payoff most other classes can achieve without a lot of thought or effort. Generally, any class that can let me focus more on flavour and RP is one I’m going to prefer, and beast master’s just…unwieldy. A lot of people say the class is junk, and if you run it without getting into the headspace for optimizing, it’s probably going to be more of a frustrating experience than you’d have hoped for. With BMs, you’re managing not just your character, but your companion, and you have to keep up with the different mechanics of both, you need to be 100% on top of choices made while leveling up, you need to have a strong understanding of battlefield control and your companion’s capabilities from the get go, and you really ought to be the kind of player who is happy to take a backseat to everyone else in and out of combat because the way you’ll shine is by helping everyone else do what they do with a little bit higher odds of success than otherwise. Personally, I like playing that sort of character, but I can do all of that with other classes a lot easier, and usually better, so this isn’t the kind of archetype I’d choose for a character myself. If you really want to, and think it’s cool, go for it, though.
The first thing I’d do is ask if you can use the UA revised ranger instead of the PHB ranger if you’re going the beast route (it’s “beast conclave” archetype in UA). If your DM allows that and insists you choose your companion from the list provided here, take the wolf (pack tactics is v helpful, same with 40ft speed and being able to send enemies prone after attacking) or ape (climb 30ft, melee/ranged ability, good stat baselines). 
The second thing you’ll need is to lock down a quality companion, and that can take a bit of wheeling and dealing with your DM to let you use one of the supplementary books as a source, which is especially necessary if you’re not able to use the revised ranger class from UA. You do not want a hawk, mastiff, or panther, the PHB offers some shit examples out of the gate (panther and hawk are only conditionally good if you’re only ever going to have your companion rushing around the map using the ‘help’ action, or scouting to some extent, and the latter becomes less useful and reliable the higher level you become). Don’t choose a CR 0 companion, or one under ¼. If you absolutely must use a hawk for character flavor, then a blood hawk that at least has pack tactics would be a must. But if you are hoping for a companion that can do damage, look for something with certain damage if it hits, like added poison damage. Look for good AC if you want a tank. Look for versatility in mobility and senses. Look for special abilities (the boar having a relentless ability where it’ll go back to 1HP if it falls below 0; the wolf spider has web walk and web sense which can really help with casters using web if players don’t want to wade into the difficult terrain or are having difficulty finding enemies caught in the web; etc.)
But yeah, beast-focused rangers  will be best when they’re spamming the help action with their beasts, using their beasts to get enemies out of cover, using their beasts to help control the field and give others advantage/take advantage, etc. You need to be quick mentally to know what you want to do with your character and your companion each time your turn comes around (most DMs, myself included, aren’t going to let you have as much time as you need to figure out what you want to do on both fronts, so if you can’t juggle two characters at once without losing a step, it might not be the archetype for you). This type of ranger requires you to know exactly what you want to be able to accomplish for yourself and your party right out of the gate, so you’ll want to gauge what your party members will be specializing in, what they want to be able to do, and see if there’s a way to shape your ranger to aid in that, particularly in choosing a beast that can be the most effective in ensuring that. Group cohesion is the name of the game with this form of ranger, so you’ll want to consider race selection a part of this process, too. I’ve had one player bomb hard as a BM and re-roll a different ranger, and I’ve had a friend who ran one who was the group’s unsung hero a lot of the time during their campaign. If you’re looking at Vex from CR as inspiration, keep in mind she had an excellent set of stats from lvl 9 onwards, and plenty of magical weapons to make up for much of any class shortcomings as characters scale up…look at how often Trinket was useful (very rarely) and understand that the bear was essentially just flavour for most of the campaign, and Vex would have been considerable underpowered compared to the rest of the party if not for some considerable DM intervention in ways that make things a lot trickier for DMs (adding magical weapons/items can easily unbalance a campaign, and it’s a matter of experience in knowing how to dole them out without throwing balance aside…Matt Mercer’s comfortable handing out flying carpets and multiple +2AC items  and superpowered magical weapons by level 9, I wouldn’t give them out before level 14 or 15 and it would really only be if a player was severely struggling and refused to re-roll a more appropriate character while dying or nearly dying most combats). Other classes and archetypes have features and abilities that scale as you level, some earn specific spells as they level up that others can’t get, etc., but with beast conclave rangers, it’s their beast that slightly improves in a few meaningful ways. So if you’re going that route, you need to commit to a great beasts that’s a great fit for you and your party, and you need to commit to making the absolute most out of them and knowing how to make the most out of them.
Horizon Walker’s a simpler archetype that has some badass spells, but the flavour for the class can be a bit…strange in some adventures. It might not fit well with Tyranny of Dragons, I’m not sure how much planar travel’s involved in that adventure. Which might not be a problem for the DM, or you. I still prefer the UA ranger conclaves, but out of the PHB ones, this one’s probably the best of the bunch, even if it’s mostly going to lean towards being a melee build (which, again, check your party comp to see if that’s something that is workable). 
Anywho, those are my late night D&D ramblings. You can take my words with a grain of salt if you’d like, and as always the rule of cool applies…if you think it’s cool and you really want to go with something, go for it and I hope the DM will find a way to help you make it work, but yeah, these classes can be a bit of an uphill battle, though I suppose potentially a rewarding challenge if that’s what you’re looking for.
Best of luck with the campaign, I’m sure you’ll have fun! 
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OC Interview: 9 (guilt by proximity?), 10 (mass deaths for positive change), 16 (contemplated killing someone), 19 (are you wrong or the world?), 24 (what do tears mean?)
Interview with a Gestalt
9. Can people be held accountable for things people close or related to them did or are they innocent?
How absurd! Quite unreasonable to punish someone for the misdeeds of those in proximity unless there is reason to suspect they were somehow involved! Short of telepathic abilities - and I feel reasonably secure in saying most of humanity has not breached that particular barrier - it simply is not possible to fully know or comprehend the people we accompany through life. It is therefore entirely likely that those near or related to you have taken many actions of which you are unaware; isn’t it distressing to think you might be punished for their behaviour?
Knowledge & subsequent decisions are the most important factors. Why, if we were guilty by association, we would all be remarkably guilty, don’t you think?
10. If a lot of people, possibly innocent people, have to die in order to make a real change, is it worth it? Can you live with their deaths even if it helps people in the present?
That depends very much on where you’re standing when catastrophe strikes, ducky.  
Personally: abhorrent. Practically: Bo-ring. Show me a person who says that mass murder is absolutely, positively the only solution and I’ll paste their photo in the dictionary next to ‘uninspired.’
I will tell you this: Murder is a sloppy, impatient severing of potential - both for good and for ill - and there is almost always a more effective answer. It is so easy to be caught in the currents of the moment that sometimes it may seem as though this is the only way out. I would propose that people who think so may be too close to the situation to think clearly.
Ach, but Maaike is only getting louder and she assures me she will shatter my teapot if I do not admit I am lucky enough to have not been in a position where I felt someone deserved to be murdered in this lifetime. I will concede that point.
Thank you for leaving the teapot intact.
As to the second question, I frankly wouldn’t have much choice in the matter. I must always live with my decisions, no matter the consequences. Short of some cosmic interference or perhaps that fool Entropy catching wise to me - and believe you me, that is always a possibility - it’s entirely possible some fragment of me will live until there is no more living left to do. Exciting!
16. Have you ever contemplated killing someone? Who and why? Would you ever act on it? Are you frightened you might?
In other lifetimes, I have not only contemplated it, I acted upon it. ‘I’ being relative, naturally. The reasons vary: for revenge; for personal gain; accidentally; self defense; a misguided sense of justice. I look back upon these memories and I wonder who they might have become, if I let them go. I wonder how many other lines would have been scribbled into their family trees.
If I decided to kill anyone this time around, it would be my choice, so it doesn’t scare me. I would have to be afraid of myself - hah! If that means I am capable of murder, despite my distaste for how it ends the growth of others, then I must be aware of it. I’d like to know myself, I’m my only constant, so I ought to be on good terms with me!
In the name of honesty and my teapot, I suppose I must again mention that I am lucky to not have a reason to feel murderous towards anyone, unlike previous iterations.
19. What is more likely a thought to you – that this world is wrong or that you are wrong?
Hm. Quite a box you’ve created here. But frankly, if you’ll excuse an old woman her foibles, I am more likely to be right. It’s just the truth! If there are such things as absolute facts, then the person with the greater depth of knowledge, experience, and variety has a better shot than someone who’s only ever seen one planet or dimension. That’s nearly always going to be me.
Don’t - I don’t know the phrase, hold on-
Oh, right! Don’t salt me. It’s only that I’m older than you and we’re playing a numbers game. On a long enough timeline with the same gifts, you’d have me on an equal footing.
And statistics be damned, there is always that spark of genius and wonder that lets people shoot beyond what’s “likely.” It’s exciting to be proven wrong! That means there is something new to learn! And who KNOWS what else you don’t know? There’s so much of it! You’ll never run out! Isn’t that wonderful?
24. How do you feel about tears? Are they cowardly and weak? Do you cry? Would you consider that shameful?
No, never shameful, not in a thousand years, not from anyone. It only means that you must be feeling something very strong, so strong that you’re physically moved. I certainly cry! And weep and wail and gnash my teeth, when the situation calls for it.
I do find I don’t cry as often as I once did. Larger hurts turn into deep heartaches as I’ve gotten older. I don’t think it is a sign that I’ve grown stronger, only that the further across the spectrum you’ve felt, the more other pains are put into perspective. It’s a little harder to cry over skinned knees when you’ve broken an arm, n'est-ce pas?
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cloudbattrolls · 5 years
Text
Coward Mont Blanc
Maidel Juzuxt | Present Night | Derevnya | Octavian Musical Arts Studios
Everyone calls it OMAS, or Oh, Masterfully Aimed, Shithead if they’re not fond of Treble. Even if they’re on the list of people who won’t kick him out of a room after ten minutes, they might still toss it off, teasing, but with an edge of bile.
It’s one of the reasons you get along with him, despite how different the two of you are. 
“So!” He says, plucking at his suspenders. “What’s got you in such a sulk, Maidel-girl? Or is it boy today.”
You’re in one of the studio’s dance rooms, one that’s empty at the moment since the next class won’t be for hours. Mirrors cover its walls, and overhead glowworm lamps dot the ceiling, giving off light even as they’re in stasis. Treble can feed, wake, and rearrange them at his will if needed for a choreography practice, as well as brighten them with the right formula. 
Right now they’re giving off a low yellowish glow as they sleep, clinging to the gray ceiling. It bathes your face in a sickly cast, or maybe that’s just your mood as you stare into one of the mirrors, clad in a suit that you look absolutely horrible in.
“Boy.” You say, but there’s not much spirit in it. Gender isn’t very important right now; it’s part of your bigger problem, but only in a small way. 
Sometimes you think it’d be easier if you just had no chest to worry about, and certainly sometimes you hate having to leave off your binder or worry about damage, the kind your psi can’t really repair fully. 
Other times you think rumblespheres at least give people something other to look at than your face or stomach. Not that they’re impressive, but at least it’s something. 
“What’s got you so down in the dumps, Maidel-boy? You nervous? Don’t be nervous, my cool cat! This joint will love you.”
That gets a small snort out of you, mostly because of Treble’s ridiculous speaking manner. It’s been perigees and you still don’t believe he can naturally talk that way, no matter how much he swears up and down he was hatched with it.
You turn a little, looking at yourself from another angle in the mirror, your hair pulled back into a ponytail so everyone can see your face. Great. You put a finger to one cheek, but lightly, to not ruin the makeup covering your freckles.
Treble leans in slightly, his eyebrows raised and ears flicking slightly. His aren’t nearly as mobile as yours, but you know what he’s thinking.
“I look better this way.” You say. “A little. Don’t try to tell me freckles are cute again, I’m not buying it.”
Not much you can do about your face in general. Your hair is okay. then there’s your body.
You’ve always been on the heavier side, and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t look so stupid on you.
Highbloods being big fits them like a shell on a scuttlebeast. They have the tusks, the intimidation, the big sharp horns to go with it. Their fat doesn’t look like weakness; it only makes them look stronger, heartier, able to dominate.
You’ve been mistaken for blue twice, when you were wearing heavy clothing and goggles against the steam and snow. You were alarmed, then flattered, then a little depressed. 
Treble just clicks his tongue and shakes his head like you’re a silly, mildly disobedient lusus. “Maidel, Maidel, Maidel. Even if you don’t like them, doesn’t mean not a single troll in that joint won’t! You got to be honest about who you are! That’s the only way to make your brand.”
It takes a force of effort to not remind Treble that just because he keeps showing off who he is to the whole world, (despite getting laughed at and kicked out of multiple places) it doesn’t mean you want to go through the same.
That’d be cruel; Treble’s odd, but he’s been kind to you, and it’s hard to hate a troll who isn’t any more good looking than you but so much braver.
Even if sometimes you wish you could. 
“I don’t need a brand.” You mutter. “I just want to sing.”
When you’re finally on the stage, finally manage to forget where you and who you are and what you look like, that makes it all worth it. When you sing, you’re somewhere else, someone else. People have actually clapped for you before, and it wasn’t all just polite applause.
Treble loves to babble about how you could be the next big thing. All you want is to keep feeling that way for the rest of your life, even for little bits at a time. It’s enough.
He pauses, perhaps aware of the usual argument and realizing you don’t want to hear it. He almost chews on his claws, raising two to his mouth but he’s been trying to stop lately and drops them. 
“Maidel.” He says, gentle, which makes the hairs on the back of your neck prick up. “Singing aside, you really want to have this sort of bad juju brewing in you the rest of your natural life, my man?” 
“It doesn’t matter.” You say, trying to be dismissive, but dismissive from you sounds about as believable as a honk from a limeblood and Treble’s face is understandably if irritatingly skeptical. 
“‘Course it matters! You telling me you’re okay just going ‘aw, nuts, I hate how I look’ for all your sweeps? You gotta change yourself, or - ”
“ - change your bulbs, yes.” You sound a bit more testy than you’d like, but he’s told you this about ten times before.
“I tried to diet and exercise for a whole perigee, Treble. Aside from making me miserable, it barely did anything. I lost three pounds. Three pounds in that whole time! I don’t know what’s wrong with my stupid, garbage, messed up - ”
“Whoa! You really want to hate yourself that bad, man?”
You realize you’re breathing hard, eyes wide and - in the mirror - you see a hint of orange in them. 
Groaning, you cover your face with a soft palm, dragging your fingers through your curls.
“Olives are supposed to be lithe and muscular. Or else average looking, since everybody likes to say we’re the most boring caste.” You say, bitter. “Even being average like you would be better. Nobody thinks you’re ugly. They just think you’re normal.”
Maybe that’s rude, but you don’t care right now.
Treble plucks at his tie thoughtfully, but you can see a trace of pain in his eyes that wrenches your digestion sac. You’ll apologize to him later.
“Do people really tell you you’re ugly, Maidel-boy?” He says, curious. 
You snort. In a way, that’d almost be better.
“Hardly ever.” You admit, and he opens his mouth but you wave a finger and press on. “They don’t have to! They don’t even notice me, good or bad, compared to everyone else I know. They’re all pretty. None of them would ever consider a troll like me to be an option in any quadrant.”
You sound pathetic, even to yourself. It’s not like you expect the trolls you know to date you, or that you’d particularly want to date them in the first place. 
It’s how you’ve seen Riccin flirt, seen Pheres flirt, seen them have quadrants. Have people interested in them. Seen them know they’re beautiful, that they can get trolls just by being themselves.
Must be nice.
“So...what brought all this up from its deep dark spot, huh?”
You look at him blankly.
“Usually you’re a little down in the dumps, but not fit to yowl about it.”
You flush slightly. You guess you did raise your voice more than you meant to. 
“I’m sorry.” You say, throat tight. You shouldn’t even be talking to Treble about this. He has a moirail, a teal who works at one of the universities. You have no idea why he takes so much time with you to start with.
Especially if this is how you treat him.
You’d rather dive out the window than answer, but you owe him that much.
“I have an ash crush.” You admit, and it feels like a dirty word, a curse. Maybe it is. You have to be cursed if you’re stupid enough to have feelings for Riccin, who’s practically a clown, and who’s never cared about you.
Maybe it’s some messed up form of self-harm.
Treble looks puzzled, and for good reason.
“So why’re you all torn up about how you look?” 
Ash isn’t about that, is the clear implication. You almost laugh. If only he knew.
“Riccin wants pretty trolls in every quadrant.” You say, staring into the mirror at the disappointing image with a suit on a too-round figure. “Their kismesis and their ex ash are both little, skinny trolls, with pretty faces. And they’re close with Pheres, and he’s the same.”
Then there’s you, who’s as heavy as any two of them, not to mention that they think you’re dull as ditchwater. Even if you wanted to pursue this - if you were so blindingly stupid - how could you prove them wrong? You’d wear yourself out trying.
Not to mention that Vide would probably cull you. She seems like she’s still interested in them, and for all you know they might still be interested in her too. Riccin doesn’t give up easily.
“I think you’re feeling a bit too sorry for yourself, Maidel-boy.”
You glare at him, then sigh. He chuckles.
“So you got a hopeless crush. Happens to us all. Why let it mess your groove up so much, man? If there’s no worth wondering if you can, put your bulbs into what you are good at! Which is: belting out the tunes and making us both a little cash, hm?”
You snort. With Treble it all comes back to money or fame. Given how hard he works for it, you can’t blame him too much. The chances of an olive making it big - or even being an agent for anyone who does - are minimal. Somehow he still tries, still teaches and manages and performs, no matter who mocks him, no matter how many times he gets chased off.
“Okay.” You say. “Let’s go.”
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