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#which I guess is fair I'm almost 28 but still I'm NOT married yet

amarrymeinbostonwriter · 3 years

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I don’t know why but things involving babies and their mothers have been especially affecting me lately. I’m not a mother but I probably would have been if I lived in the past (going by my age and social class). I’m guessing this is an age/hormone thing that eventually effects many women. :/

There was a video (a Tik Tok I think) where a horse mother lost her baby and another horse baby had lost his mother. They were put together and the horse mom adopted the horse orphan as her own son. It just hit me right in the heart so hard. I’m glad they have each other. <3

I just can’t imagine being a mother myself. So overwhelming. Babies crying is like torture to me. I want to help them even though I’m not their mother. Since I can’t help them, it makes me panic. (Yes, I’m aware this is not a normal reaction).

Horror movies with children or babies would absolutely work on me. And some of the horror/paranormal stuff I write sort of reflects those fears/anxieties that I have.

#horror is actually a subgenre of women's fiction #fight me #also I don't know what's wrong with my hormones lately #I was tearing up at the horse mother/baby video #the fuck is wrong with me #other people's small children make me nervous because I'm afraid that they'll go off #some of the real reasons I don't want kids is that I don't think I'd be able to handle them and that wouldn't be fair to the kids honestly #not sure if this bipolar related or not #It's probably more PCOS related if anything #I feel like I'm transitioning to the next stage of life #like why don't you have a spouse and kids yet?#For health reasons having kids is probably a bad idea #but so many people seem to want kids and the ones that don't don't like commitment so?#I really don't know what to do with that #but I definitely feel like I'm categorized as a housewife rather than a young girl now #which I guess is fair I'm almost 28 but still I'm NOT married yet #horror that I write does involve children and parents because I have a lot of anxiety around that #the world is pretty terrifying and we should protect children from it #spiral speaks #but does anything I say actually mean anything? :/

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ajaxctrl · 3 years

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Drivers License | Akaashi Keiji x reader

Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x gender neutral reader

Genre: angst, song au

Style: written, short

Re: Inspired by Olivia Rodrigo's 'drivers license', If my work appears similar to the work of others, props to them!

[A/N]: So, I was recently binging Grey's Anatomy and I'm feeling very very angsty today so please bear with me giggles. It's my first work after several months and I have no idea how will this turn out, mwah!

Akaashi heaved in and out, inhaling the earthy, tart aroma of his long black coffee. The usual bustling streets of Tokyo did not unearth on him as he settled his back on the velvet grey swivel chair, breath evenly rising in a calm and anchored motion. Drafts of works and papers scattered on the cold floor. Black hair disheveled, specs lying low, and a whiff of caffeine inside his system. It was...a fairly serene day, predictable if you put it right. Or not.

Akaashi Keiji is a consistent man. Only rarely getting sidetracked. As a person dedicated to his craft, adhering to a certain structured routine is a must. Starting from his health, to his work ethics and habits, to his schedules, and to every aspect in his busy life which had to deal with his work and professional essence.

So how was he, the Akaashi Keiji, the living definition of control and regularity, sitting across his glass window - miserable, in chaos, and fallen between cracks?

He threw his eyes on his digital clock propped on his study, 12:51 a.m

Shit.

[7:59 a.m]

y/n sent a voice message.

Fingers fidgeting along his screen, bothered heartbeat going in a frenzy — he knew. Oh yes. He knew you sent a voice mail right exactly when you delivered the latter. He knew that it was your voice that'll welcome his ears the very minute he presses play. He knew.

He knew how much he needed that break. He knew how much you needed this break.

"That's not fair, y/n." He mumbled under his breath — shaky, broken, a mess.

And I know we weren't perfect

"baby. don't do this to me please."

But I've never felt this way for no one

Your customary lilting voice shifted to one that of hypnotic. The lyrics rolling out of your tongue, word by word heavenly sung it was almost painful to continue.

This isn't a good idea and it's questionable why he's still listening.

And I just can't imagine

How you could be so okay now that I'm gone

He didn't like it that you were moving on at a misplaced bravado. He didn't like it that you even so much as thought that he's okay with all of this. He didn't like it that you have no idea how much of a throbbing mess he is right now.

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

"I'd write you a thousand songs and they'll always orbit around you."

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

You promised him a lot of things. Marrying by 28. Adopting a pomeranian because you never had a puppy for a long time. Finishing your medical degree so you'd get to contaminate each other with one's stress no more. They were 3 of a dozen.

And yet you get to grant him the most bizarre array of your promises yet.

He knew he needed that break. He knew you both needed that break.

He propped himself steadily, attempting to get a break at this monotonous cycle of regret, hot tears cascading evenly from his cheeks.

"Can't I say I love you one more time?"

—

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