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#whether it was something you want to do in life
pers1st · 2 days
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remembered
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pairing: alexia putellas x reader
notes: this is so short ugh i hate this tbh but oh well, little angsty, mentions of injuries
You remembered every single trophy, every single victory, every loss, every draw, every team, every teammate, as you sat on the countertop of your kitchen, watching your girlfriend hum along to the Rosalía song playing over your speaker system as she stirred the pasta you had been cooking for a while now. Alexia was still wearing the sweats she’d worn on the plane back from the most recent champions league match, one that you had, once again, sat out for. With an ACL injury over two years ago and not a single minute back on the pitch due to the never ending list of injuries added to your knee since, you had sat out for a lot of matches. Every one of your teammates knew that it took a toll on you, but more than anyone, Alexia knew. She had seen you the very night of your injury, although it had happened during an international break. She had seen you cry and thrash in her arms, she had seen you when you’d gone into surgery and when you’d come out of it, she had seen every step of your recovery, had been present for every moment another doctor shattered your heart, she had picked up every broken piece of it and attempted her best to hold you together when you couldn’t. Still, you felt nervous to tell her. Still, you didn’t know how she’d react- whether she’d understand.
Alexia bled for football in a way few did - it was her whole life. 
“What’s on your mind?”, she hummed, lifting her gaze from the stove as she looked over at you fiddling with the hem of her sweatshirt that hung over your body.
You shook your head.
“Not now, Ale”, you sighed. You had a plan for this. You had laid out every step of telling her how you’d announce the end of your career soon. However, one thing you hadn’t taken into account were your emotions, and how easily your girlfriend of five years could read them.
“You’re scaring me, amor. What’s wrong?”, she asked, her tone filled with worry and her eyebrows furrowed as she let the wooden spoon simmer in the pot, instead taking a hold of your hands, immediately stopping your fidgeting.
“It has nothing to do with you, Ale. Promise”, you murmured, taking a deep breath in to avoid your tears from falling, knowing that your girlfriend would abandon the food within seconds and force the words out of your mouth before you suffocated on them. But you had prepared Alexia’s favorite pasta with so much effort, wanting to welcome her back with something to make up for your lack of presence with the team recently, that you didn’t know whether you could take it.
“I don’t know why, but that’s making me feel worse”, she chuckled, squeezing your hands as she tried to find your gaze.
“I’ll tell you when we eat, okay?”, you asked, wanting to find a common ground with her and immediately, she nodded. That seemed to calm you, as you breathed a sigh of relief. Alexia understood that it was a serious matter, yet she didn’t push you. Maybe she’d understand that your knee had simply had enough. Maybe she’d understand that you had had enough.
The cartilage in your knee had, at one point, been down to only twenty percent, and through two very painful surgeries, the doctors of your club had been sure you’d be able to be integrated into the sport again. Yet, you had sought another conversation with one of the doctors who’d stayed behind in Barcelona, in the hopes of having some clearance on whether you actually would, at one point, play football again. The man had been insistent that this was a conversation to be held while more people, most importantly, your girlfriend was present, yet you had insisted on answers and had been told the one thing no athlete ever wanted to hear. 
It’s very unlikely. If I were you, I wouldn’t push for it.
“All done, no?”, Alexia asked as she lifted one of the noodles from the pot for you to taste, gently placing it in your open mouth. You hissed at the heat in your mouth, yet you nodded. 
“Sí”, you agreed, hopping from the countertop as best as you could, to take the plates from the table you’d already sat when she’d texted you she was on her way home.
After plating up the food, you took Alexia’s phone, shushing the woman’s protests as you changed the music to Taylor Swift.
“My monologue, my music”, you smiled, filling your girlfriend’s glass with water as you sat down across from her, taking a deep breath.
“Mi amor, you’re scaring me”, Alexia huffed, but you shook your head no, poking at your food for a second.
“I’m going to retire, Ale”, you started, missing how Alexia’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again as she searched for words. Your gaze was fixated on your plate, not knowing whether you could look at her right now, whether you could take her disappointment. You had been through so much in the past few months (really, it had been years), your girlfriend’s disappointment wasn’t something you were particularly searching for. Still, you knew you would have to accept it as she remained silent.
“I saw the doctor yesterday. He said if he was me, he wouldn’t push it.”
At that, you looked up at her, practically seeing her wires spin.
“Screw him, bebita. He’s not you, he’s not an athlete, he’s not-”
“Ale, I’m tired”, you interrupted her, a single tear rolling down your cheek. You knew she wouldn’t understand.
“I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. Every time I go again, it ends in pain and more time out and- it’s too much. I’m done, Ale. I’m done fighting”, you said in one breath, dropping your fork onto your plate as you pushed your chair back.
“Wait, amor!”, she exclaimed, and made her way over to you within seconds. You didn’t know whether she was going to yell at you, silently disapprove or try to change your mind, but you didn’t have the energy to fight her embrace as she tightened her arms around you, letting your head fall into the crook of her neck as more tears escaped your eyes.
“It's okay, mi vida. You’re okay, I’ve got you.”
Well, you certainly hadn’t expected that- her words in your ear only encouraged you to cry harder, to finally let go of all the weight on your shoulders as you sobbed into her shoulder. You didn’t have any way to fight the tears anymore, completely letting your guard down as you cried and cried. It seemed like hours, and if you were any more stable emotionally, you might’ve cursed yourself for letting the food get calmed, but if your girlfriend minded, she didn’t say as she wordlessly led you to the couch after what seemed like hours.
“Are you sure, bebita? I just- I don’t want you to regret it”, Alexia sighed, your hands in hers as she gently stroked your thumb.
“Sí, Ale. I’m sure. It’s going to suck, but I can’t cling onto nothing anymore. I need something to do other than wait for a potential comeback”, you spoke, your voice hoarse from all of the crying.
“Have you thought about this? Like, for long enough to be sure?”
You nodded. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since the follow up appointment of my surgery”, you huffed in an answer. 
“Amor, why didn’t you tell me?”, Alexia asked, her eyebrows furrowed as she held your hands, still intertwined with hers, closer to her heart. You could feel it beat through her hoodie.
“I didn’t think you would understand”, you mumbled, suddenly insecure about what you had been so confident in before. Alexia was one of the most empathetic, most understanding people you’d ever met- and although it had taken her a while to get the gist of your knee problems, and hours to research every surgery in detail, you doubted yourself now- if anyone understood the toll this has taken on you, it’d be the person who had been there for you through it all.
“Mi vida, I don’t know what it’s like, for you. But I’ve seen you in pain for such a long time. I just want you to be happy, and I thought that you would be happy once you were back on the pitch. That’s why I pushed you. But if that’s not what you want, I understand. After everything that you’ve been through, I will respect whatever you want to do. And if you don’t want to play anymore, we’ll figure something else out”, she spoke, her voice firm yet gentle at the same time. You couldn’t help but lean into her at her words, the weight being lifted off your chest at once.
“Thank you, Ale. Thank you so, so much”, you whispered into her shoulder, letting her hug you once more.
“Of course, bebita. I’ll always have your back. You’ve had an amazing career, and you’ll be remembered for that, forever. No matter what you do next, I know it’ll be great.”
After a short amount of contentment, Alexia spoke again.
“Although, you might give Jana and Bruna a heart attack”, she laughed.
“I know. I don’t know how the team will take it, in general”, you gave back. This was another thing that had been cursing your mind for a while now. After a great time with Lyon, you had finally come to Barcelona three years ago, wanting nothing more than to finally close the distance between you and Alexia. With that, however, you had found a new family, and people who meant more to you than you could ever explain. Despite your foreignness, and your teammates from the US constantly making fun of you whenever they could find a video of you attempting to speak Spanish, this group of women had taken you in and transformed this city into what you hoped to be your forever home. Even when for the better part of your stay in Barcelona, you had been sidelined, on the injury bench or in an operating room.
“Well, it’s not like you’ll be gone, no? You’ll stay here, with Barça.”
“Sí, I will. But I won’t be at training, won’t be at every match. It will be different”, you huffed. You had no clue what you would do after your career- an after-football never having existed in your mind, but you knew that you wanted it to have something to do with the sport.
“They'll still support you. They all love you, especially the younger ones. They look up to you so much, mi vida. It will be okay.”
You believed Alexia. Because if your girlfriend was anything other than caring, gentle, and empathetic, she was also honest. If she said it would be okay, it would be okay. Despite the fact that you had no idea what you were going to do with your life, you knew that as long as you had Alexia, it would be okay.
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your geto fic is super cute 🥰 if you're taking more requests, may I request a sukuna fic please? maybe in an au where he's a gangster and reader is of a classy, rich family so reader's parents don't agree, but then sukuna appears in one of their events in a suit and looking dashing as ever!
ooooooooo it's 3 am but i have to write this down!!!!!!!!!
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shadows and silk.
summary: sukuna shows you and your parents that he is absolutely the right and the only man for you (whether they agree or not) genre: angst/fluff pairing: gangster!sukuna x female reader warnings: cursing, modern day au, not a great parent-child relationship, ooc sukuna
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-----
your father doesn't even bother to hide his disapproval. "he has tattoos on his face. what if he's in the mafia- what have you brought our family into?!"
"father-"
"i am," sukuna clarifies, "in the mafia. my father is the leader. and one day, it'll be my time to lead."
your parents gasp in shock, surprised by sukuna's brashness.
"that wasn't a threat," he clarifies again, holding your hand. "i love your daughter, and i'd like to have a good relationship with you both. because it's important to her."
you smile appreciatively and grasp his hand, looking at your parents with hope.
"you're fucking insane."
-----
it was probably not the wisest decision to ask for your parents' approval, knowing what kind of people they are. being one of the richest families in the country, it's hard to have... any kind of life outside of what they had planned for you. like a pawn in their game of chess, your choices have been made for you since the very beginning.
unlike sukuna, you grew up "perfect". you aced your piano lessons, easily graduated from your violin school, and got straight As in all your grades. every day was the same for you; wake up, school, extra lessons, homework, sleep, and repeat.
that's actually how you met sukuna. one day, there was something wrong with the traffic so your driver was late. you'd been waiting for an hour, and sukuna just happened to finish his detention.
"hm?" his eyes caught you standing by the gate. "aren't you that rich kid?"
you looked up at him and analyzed his face -- high school student with face tattoos, you don't see that very often. "who's asking?"
"tsk, tsk." he chuckled, "so much attitude for a little person." he ruffled your hair before walking in the other direction. "wanna come? i'm gonna go have some fun."
fun... the word was so unfamiliar to you. you'd never talked to him before, and though it really was probably dangerous to just go with someone whose name you didn't even know, you couldn't help yourself. especially not when he turned around with a smile, urging you to come with him.
he took you to places you've never been before and made you feel things you've never felt. you felt free from your parents' chains, for once you felt like you could do whatever you wanted.
and sukuna was glad he could make you smile. you, the girl who always kept to herself in class, quiet, polite, almost scared. you made him feel things, too.
you got an earful from your parents that day, but the cute keychain sukuna won you from the night market was worth it.
now, the keychain hangs on your favorite bag, one that he also got you a few weeks ago. though you already have multiple designer bags that are much more expensive, the bag sukuna gave you was priceless.
"morning, baby." sukuna greets you, kissing your cheek.
"morning," you smile at him. "i'm sorry for how yesterday went. my father, he's-"
"let him be," he says. "nothing can keep me away from you, understand?"
you smile at his words and nod, "you better keep it as a promise."
sukuna smiles and kisses you, "i swear it."
he wonders what he could've possibly done to deserve someone like you.
-----
"what do you mean i'm getting married?"
your father sighs. "don't be difficult. the gojo clan is the most powerful, you should be thankful they're letting you marry their son."
"but father, i have a boyfriend, and i just graduated college! i- i can't marry, i still have so much i want to-"
"enough!" he yells, "you're marrying gojo satoru by the end of next month and that's final."
you're lucky that you have your own apartment. dialing sukuna's number, you get into your car and drive home where sukuna says he's waiting for you.
"ugh, unbelievable!" you throw your keys on the table, letting it slide off and annoying you even more.
he grimaces and sits you down, handing over a glass of water. "so it didn't go well..."
you sigh, "...they're arranging a marriage. with the gojo clan."
sukuna's jaw clenches, anger evident, but then it disappears. "that makes sense. they are the strongest and the richest."
"they're not giving me an option, like always-"
"gojo satoru is pretty handsome," he continues, "blue eyes, tall, quite built.. he's not a bad bachelor."
you squint your eyes at your boyfriend who seems like he's talking nonsense... or not really. "what are you trying to say?"
sukuna sighs. "we should break up."
the words that come out of his mouth after that are all blurry to you. something along the lines of...
"we've been together for years."
"it's time to get a fresh start."
"aren't you curious what it's like to date other people?"
"i'm getting bored to be honest."
and it all just seems like bullshit. bullshit because why is he looking at you like that when he's breaking up with you? why does he look like he's still madly in love with you and saying all that stuff is killing him?
why does he look like he's lying?
"tell me you're joking."
sukuna, unfortunately, doesn't humor you and leaves you alone in your apartment without saying anything else.
the rest of the month feels like hell. you tried running away from your parents, the guards they sent after you, but to no avail. somehow, they've repurchased your apartment and now you're back to living with them.
you met gojo satoru once throughout the entire month. he's decent, and actually a good guy like sukuna said, but he's not sukuna. he doesn't leave a random flower he picked up on the way to your place, he doesn't shower your hands with kisses when he sees you, and that's all expected -- because it's not supposed to be a loving relationship. it's a contract. once you marry him, your parents' company will merge with the gojos and become even richer.
today's the engagement party. your mother has chosen the perfect red gown for good luck, and she's made all the preparations for the party -- you, like always, never had a say in anything.
you feel like an object for them to trade with. compared to the gold bars sitting in their safe, you're probably worth less.
"i know you also didn't agree to this," gojo satoru whispers as you're both sat down in the middle of the ballroom while everyone else enjoys their meal. "but you look beautiful."
you offer him a polite smile, which turns rather sad. hidden in your sleeve is the keychain sukuna got you. your mother managed to throw away every cherished memory you had of him except for the keychain.
you wonder what sukuna is doing right now... if he's enjoying his life, if he maybe has a new girl by his side...
"sorry to shit on your party," your head snaps up the moment you hear that familiar voice, and a gasp escapes when you see the even more familiar tattooed face with pink hair. "but i'm going to have to kidnap your fiancee for a bit. maybe forever."
"..ryo." you stand up abruptly, letting your chair fall and hit the ground. he's dressed in a white suit, black vest, black shirt, and a matching black tie. he looks like he's ready to be your groom.
giving you the smile you miss most, sukuna stands in front of you and grabs your hand. "hi, princess."
"what are you doing here?" you whisper, tears about to fall from your eyes.
"saving my damsel in distress." he softens when he sees your lip tremble, kissing you gently. "i told you nothing can keep me away from you."
"but you-"
behind you, gojo satoru clears his throat, motioning to the many guards surrounding both of you, ready to pull you two apart by force.
"let my daughter go right now." your father demands.
you grasp sukuna's arm tightly, not planning on letting him go any time soon. in return, he has his arm around your waist, pulling you to him gently before he snaps his fingers, revealing rows and rows of armed men ready to fire.
the guards immediately stand down, obviously outnumbered. they let you and sukuna leave without a fight, and you stop for a second to spare a glance at your parents, looking at you disapprovingly.
-----
you're sitting on sukuna's bed. you've only been to this place a few times, considering he moves around a lot. he's helping you with the infinity amount of hairpins you have stuck in your hair while you take off the red gown you're wearing.
"ryo," you call him.
he hums to acknowledge you, mouth full of hairpins.
"...why did you break up with me?"
taking out the last piece of hairpin (he thinks it's the last), he throws them away before sitting behind you, arms snaked around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder.
"i... i thought i was doing you a favor," he admits, "with my job... it's not easy being with me, you know? i'm scared you'll think i'm a monster for what i do - it still terrifies me."
"so i thought if i just pushed you away, it'll make things easier for both of us," his grip on you tightens, "but it didn't. at least not for me. and i know i'm being selfish here by wanting you back, i know i don't deserve it, but i just... i can't imagine living without you. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."
you turn around to face him, straddling his thighs and kissing him softly. "if being selfish means i'm stuck with you, then you need to be more selfish."
he grins, arms wrapping around you. "i love you."
"i love you more, ryo."
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st4rtar0t · 3 days
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Helping your recognise your superpower
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I'm currently doing donation based readings to pay for my tuition fees. DM to purchase a reading!
Thank you so much for your time and energy and I hope you have a great day ahead!
Picture 1
Your lust for knowledge is your superpower. And I know you may think that is a lame power to have but I do want to your realise that knowledge is everything. The more knowledgeable you are, the more mature you become. Maturity comes from a sense of understanding and experience. The way you're always ready to learn new things makes you unique. Some of could be an higher achiver, or your sense of self comes from your academic performance. I think it's good to be knowledge but don't bring yourself down when you don't perform well. Give yourself time to learn and revise.
Your another superpower is your ability to look at situations from different perspectives. You know sometimes our pain clouds our vision making it difficult to acknowledge the hurt of others. But not for you, no matter how bad your situation is, you wouldn't let your emotions cloud your judgement Which is an remarkable ability.
Your faith, whether in yourself, in others or in something greater than us all, gives you strength and resilience in times of difficulty. Your belief in humanity, your trust in kindness and your faith in the possibility of a better future awaiting us uplifts not only you but also the people around you.
Picture 2
Your planning is your superpower. It's like having a secret weapon in life. When you plan, you're like a master strategist, able to foresee obstacles and navigate around them. You can set goals and figure out the steps to reach them. Planning helps you stay organized, focused, and prepared for whatever comes your way. It's not just about making lists; it's about taking control of your future and making things happen. So, embrace your planning abilities, because they can truly make you unstoppable. Some of you could be INTJ/ENTJ.
Your another superpower is your protectiveness. It's your ability to shield and guard the ones you care about, keeping them safe from harm. Just like a superhero, you have an instinct to watch over others, anticipating dangers and swooping in to shield them from harm. Your protective nature is a strength that shines brightly, offering comfort and security to those around you. Embrace this superpower, for it is a reflection of your love and dedication to keeping your loved ones out of harm's way. you may think that this makes you more feminine but caring for the people that you makes you stronger. Your constant transformation is your superpower because it means you're always evolving, learning, and adapting. Instead of being stuck in one way of thinking or doing things, you embrace change and use it to your advantage. You're like a chameleon, able to adjust to any situation or challenge that comes your way. This flexibility allows you to grow stronger, wiser, and more resilient with each transformation. So, don't fear change, embrace it, because it's what makes you unstoppable.
Picture 3
Your love for others is your superpower because it has the ability to transform lives in ways beyond imagination. When you extend kindness, understanding, and support to those around you, you create an atmosphere of warmth and positivity. Your love has the power to heal wounds, mend broken hearts, and inspire greatness in others. It's a force that spreads joy, brings people together, and fosters deep connections. Through your love, you become a beacon of hope and strength, capable of uplifting the spirits of those who may be struggling.
Your powerful presence is like a superpower. It's all about how you carry yourself and how you make others feel when you're around. You don't need special abilities because you are your own strength. People notice you without you having to do anything flashy. Your confidence and the way you connect with others make you stand out. Your presence is like a magnet, attracting attention and admiration wherever you go. It's what makes you truly remarkable.
Your voice and the words you choose have immense power. When you speak, it's like magic weaving through the air, touching hearts and minds. The tone, pitch, and rhythm of your voice can convey emotions and messages in ways that no other form of communication can. And the words you select? They're like arrows hitting their target, shaping thoughts, inspiring actions, and building connections. Whether you're calming a storm with soothing words or igniting a fire with passionate speech.
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rebelfell · 1 day
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A li’l self-indulgent bestfriend!eddie fluff. Reader w/ boobies.
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Eddie’s not a total pig, okay?
He can control himself just fine when necessary. He’s fully capable of maintaining a conversation without his brain short circuiting at the sight of something that makes all the tiny Eddie’s in his head run around like chickens with their heads cut off. That is…except for right now.
Because right now there are boobs in front of his face. And not just any boobs. Your boobs.
“Eddie!” You huff loudly and drop your shirt. “You’re not even listening to me, are you?”
He blinks a few times, reluctantly coming out of his daze to look up at you and the appalled frown on your face. His cheeks burn with his humiliation and his mouth falls open as he stammers through his attempt to recall what you just said.
You roll your eyes, sighing all heavy and petulant as you climb off his bed.
“Hey!” he exclaims, throwing his hands up to really sell the ruse of being offended. “You’re the one whipping out your bits all willy nilly. Can’t exactly expect me to concentrate.”
Over your shoulder you fix him with a glare and snatched up one of his Hellfire figurines to chuck it at him. The freshly painted figure ricocheted off his elbow as he threw his arms up in front of him, fighting back giggles as you scolded him.
“I came to you for advice, not to be ogled!”
Well, that was your first mistake, Eddie thought to himself. Because when it came to you there was no scenario that didn’t involve ogling.
“I’m sorry. Okay? I…I got distracted. But that’s what you’re going for, right? Weren’t you asking if they look good?”
“It’s not about whether they look good, I just…I need to know if they look even.”
Even? Even, how? Even more fucking incredible than normal? Even more mouth-watering? Even better than what Eddie’s been imagining more and more over the last few years.
“Even, how?” he asks.
“Like…normal.” You groan. “He says one of them is way bigger and I thought maybe this one would minimize the problem.”
“Problem?” Eddie snorted. “There’s not a single fucking problem with them.”
You roll your eyes at him again, but it’s not quick enough to hide the smile that started to blossom on your lips when he says that. Eddie’s bed frame squeaks in protest as he hops off the bed and comes to stand in front of you, solemn and serious in a way he almost never is.
“Sweetheart…they’re perfect.”
You’re perfect, he wants to say.
A little pride creeps into your voice as you tilt your head gently and glance briefly down at your own chest before looking back at him.
“Really?”
“Really, really. Literally, maybe, definitely, the greatest ones I’ll ever see in my life.”
A laugh bubbles out of his chest and you honestly feel like you’re going to melt into the carpet under your feet. And suddenly you can’t remember for the life of you why you even bothered with this other guy in the first place.
Because the guy you bought this stupid fancy bra for has never called them, or anything on you for that matter, perfect. And he’s never looked at you the way Eddie is looking at you.
You bit down gently on your bottom lip, absently walking your fingers along the edge of Eddie’s dresser, scratching at the chipped paint.
“Do you, um…do you think you got a good enough look?”
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vivwritesfics · 1 day
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Jester Stole His Thorny Crown
Chapter Six
He never had a choice in his life. His dreams were nothing more that that. Dreams. But then he met a lounge singer at his brother club and everything changed.
Mafia!Au
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Oldies night was her favourite. She had her selection of songs in her head, her setlist for the night, going through them as she made her way to the club.
But, when she pushed her way inside, her piano wasn't where she had left it. It was pushed to one side of the stage while other instruments and musical equipment were set up in the centre. "What the fuck," she whispered under her breath.
Moving around the tables, she made her way to the back office. She ignored the urge to shout at the people setting up their instruments as she walked past.
"Y/N." Charles was grinning at her from behind Arthurs desk as she walked into the room. But she ignored them, searching through the papers on the desk for the schedule. "I spoke to Arthur and it took some convincing but-"
"What the fuck?" She cried once she found the schedule. Her normal seven day working week had been changed to just four. Slowly, she raised her head to face him. "Did you speak to Arthur?" She asked quickly, dropping the normal fear that Charles was used to hearing. "Is this because of you?"
He nodded, not quite understanding that she was pissed. "Got Arthur to book someone else for tonight," he said. "I thought I could take you out to dinner, say thank you for the piano lessons."
This was the side of Charles she had been wanting to see ever since she first met him. This side of Charles wasn't terrifying. He was happy and relaxed, and she hated him.
Almost immediately, panic set up. "How the hell am I gonna make rent this month?" Her voice came out as a squeak in panic. She gripped the strap of her bag as she looked at who was replacing her.
She didn't recognise any of the names. Who the hell was Disco Fever Three? "I... do you know where I could find Arthur?" She asked.
"Is something wrong?" He asked, finally getting the hint.
She shook her head as she walked out of the office. "Where are you going?" Charles called after her. "I thought we could get dinner."
But she kept walking. "I... I have things I need to do."
"Y/N!" He shouted, his voice just a little deeper this time. But she kept going, kept walking away from him. And it was making Charles mad. "Y/N!" He stood from the desk and strode towards her.
In four large steps he had reached her. He reached his hand out, grasping her arm. "Go out to dinner with me," he said, but it didn't come out friendly. Not in the slightest. The way he was looking at her, it had her shivering.
"Are you threatening me, Mr Leclerc?"
The grin that overtook his expression was somewhat sinister and his grip grew tighter. "Not threatening, chérie. Just inviting."
She looked away from him, lowered her gaze as she nodded. "Perfect," Charles said. He shut the office door and led the way out to his car.
The restaurant fell hushed when Charles strode in with her on his arm. Suddenly, every patron was nervous. The waitress was sweating as she led them to their seats. 
Desperately she wanted to apologise to the poor waitress, but she couldn't. Another waitress came over and put bread and water on their table, giving them each a menu. 
She didn't look at the menu. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him. Even as she stared, she couldn't get up the courage to say what she really wanted to, to ask why he had brought her there. Part of her didn't want to know, wanted to eat and get out of there. She did have to get on and look for a second job, after all. 
When the waitress came back over, Charles ordered for her. A fancy cocktail and food she hadn't quite caught the name of. No matter what it was, whether she liked it or nit, she'd eat every bite. 
"I can't believe Arthur hasn't given you a day off before today," he said as they waited on their drinks to be brought over. Neither of them could see just how stressed the staff were as they tried to get their orders to them as quickly as possible. 
She couldn't help the scoff that left her lips, immediately covering her mouth with her hand to hide it. But Charles had caught it, levelling her with a somewhat threatening look. "What," he barked. 
She sank in on herself. Fuck, she really hoped that he hadn't seen. "Nothing," she said and cleared her throat. "It's just, Arthur hasn't given me a day off because I don’t want one. He pays me as much as he can, and that barely makes up my rent." She sighed through her nose as her drink was placed in front of her. She wasn't going to admit it, but the drink was needed. 
Charles let out a sigh. "And if you can't make rent you'll have to "borrow" from us, which would put you in an even worse position," he said and she nodded. 
He knew what he had to do. But Charles wouldn't apologise for taking her much needed performances away from her. He'd fix it as best he could, but never admit he was wrong. 
A restaurant wasn't the right setting, that was for sure. Charles maintained his tough, terrifying persona until they left the restaurant, climbing back into his car. 
"Where do you live?" He asked as he fiddled with the radio. 
She shook her head. "You can just take me back to the lounge, if you'd like," she said, her hands folded neatly in her lap. 
"Don't be stupid,"he immediately replied. "Give me the address, now."
That was all she needed before she let her street and building name fall from her lips. She didn’t want Charles to know where she lived, but now she didn’t have much of a choice. 
What she didn’t know as she climbed out of the car, was that Charles had an idea. There was a reason why he had asked for her address, reason why he wanted to know where she lived.
If she couldn’t pay rent, he was going to do something about it. 
As soon as she was inside, Charles drove back to the lounge. He hadn’t stopped thinking about the evening. It didn’t go the way he had imagined, not in the slightest. He hadn’t wanted to threaten her, but his instincts had taken over. If she had just gone along with it, they could have had a nice evening. But now, well, the entire evening left a sour taste in his mouth. 
He parked up outside of the club and climbed out of the car. Music could be heard coming from inside, but it wasn’t as good as she was on the piano. He walked in and strode past the full tables, heading towards the back office. 
“Did you tell her?” Asked Arthur as he strode in. The younger Leclerc had waited until Charles had gotten her out of the club to start working.
Charles sat in the seat opposite him. He scowled at his brother. “You’re a coward.”
“You’re the one who wanted her hours cut. And I’m guessing she hates you for it.”
Charles deflated in his chair. “How do I fix it?”
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ellatoone7 · 3 days
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❄︎ Trust in me ❄︎
Alexia's favourite girls series
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Emilia has some concerns over her future
Emilia had known for a while that maybe football wasn’t her life. From her very first session when she was a lot younger, she always had more of a fascination with picking flowers and making daisy chains or doing cartwheels across the field instead of kicking the ball. She had started gymnastics a few years ago and had taken a very keen liking to it. 
However, as she got older, she wanted to prioritise gymnastics, but the guilt of quitting football was slowly creeping up on her. It didn’t help that her older sister absolutely thrived on the football field, Emilia couldn’t help but notice how her Mami’s eyes absolutely lit up with pride as she watched Issy playing football. The last thing Emilia wanted was to disappoint her Mami. Her Mami, who went above and beyond for her and always showed up no matter what. Her Mami, who had won so many different awards for just how good she was at playing football. Her Mami, who always made her feel safe and so incredibly loved. 
Emilia was always encouraged to communicate her feelings to her parents, something that was instilled into her since she was much younger. Now she was eight years old and for the first time ever she was a little bit scared to talk to her Mami. Emilia had been working up the courage to tell her Mami that she didn’t want to play football anymore, but it just so happened that Isabella had won a very important match and Mami was bringing them to get ice cream to celebrate. Mami was smiling so big, and Emilia didn’t want to be the reason her Mami got upset. 
It didn’t take a lot for Alexia to notice something was wrong with Emilia. The normally animated girl was unusually quiet as she shovelled some ice cream into her mouth. Isabella was on cloud nine as she conversed with her Mami on the tactics of the game and whether they should stick or change it up slightly. “…Tal vez deberíamos poner a Lola en la delantera el próximo Partido.” Emilia’s head dropped even lower as she listened to her Mami and sister converse. Alexia got increasingly more worried as it had been at least an hour with complete radio silence from Emilia. They were on their way home now, all packed into Alexia’s Cupra as she turned the volume of Rosalia’s new song down a little. 
Isabella was still mumbling away happily as she brushes a little bit of grass off her kit. Emilia was staring at her older sister, Mr Biggy clutched in her arms and Alexia thought that maybe Emilia was a little jealous over her sisters win. Completely misinterpreting the situation Alexia looks through the mirror with a small smile, “Hey Meels, you have a big match coming up too. I can’t wait to come watch you play.” Emilia’s heart clenched in her chest at the hopeful look in her Mami’s eyes and she forced a tight smile and a nod which seemed to placate an oblivious Alexia who had made the situation much worse.
Isabella smiled softly at her younger sister, “Meels, you can wear my green boots, the ones that you loved.” Emilia once again nodded before curling in on herself that little bit more. Emilia decides then and there that she wasn’t going to be selfish and just work harder at football. She didn’t want to make Isabella or Mami upset and maybe she would enjoy it. She loved watching Mami play when she used to play for Barcelona, and she loves going to Isabella’s games. 
Emilia’s mind raced with all her favourite people and most of them played football, all her Tia’s who raised her on a football field, and she was now just throwing it away. Before Emilia knew it her eyes were filling with tears as she tried to swallow around the lump in her throat. The blonde tried to breath and calm herself down, but she was all worked up now and she wanted some comfort from her Mami while she still could. “Mami, No me siento bien.” She sniffled as the tears started falling down her flushed cheeks. Alexia quickly found somewhere to poll over so she could give her daughter her full attention. 
Alexia unbuckled her seat belt and turned her body around to make sure Emilia hadn’t gotten sick. She was in full Mami mode, and it felt like her heart stopped beating as Emilia cried. Isabella held her little sisters’ hand with her own frown of concern and started gently rubbing her back in hopes to provide some comfort. “¿Qué pasa nena?” Alexia questioned as Emilia struggled to catch her breath until eventually, she reached out just like she used to when she was a little bit younger. Before she knew it her car door was open, and she was in her Mami’s arms. She buried her face into her Mami’s neck as she whimpered softly, clinging into her jumper as her Mami sways her gently. 
Alexia was distraught as she tried to calm her daughter who she hadn’t seen this upset in a very long time. Alexia wished you were here in hopes of getting Emilia to open up, but Daniela was way too little to leave the house yet, so you stayed at home with Val. Emilia whimpered again and Alexia needed to get her home and hold her until all her hurt went away. Isabella had also got out of the car to wrap her arms around both girls. “¿Se siente mal?” Emilia had a history of motion sickness and still had trouble with long car journeys, but she had never cried like this. The only response she got was a shrug as she sniffled softly, “Vale, mi princesa, we are nearly home just a few more minutes.” 
Alexia felt as if her heart was being ripped out of her chest as Emilia cried for her the minutes she put her back into her seat. Isabella tried to be a replacement, but Emilia wanted her Mami. Emilia was sobbing now completely overwhelmed by her big emotions as she squirmed in her seatbelt, whining for her Mami as she got into the front seat. Alexia tore of her jumper in hopes to calm Emilia down with her familiar smell, Isabella held it close to her sister as she gently stroked her hair. Not even Mr Biggy was comforting Emilia and she hated hat she couldn’t stop crying. 
Alexia had to drive slowly as her hands had started to shake slightly and she would never put her girls in risk. Alexia didn’t stop talking the whole way home, eyes frantically checking her mirror every time Emilia cried out her name. “Mami! I need you!” Isabella cooed pressing kisses to Emilia’s temple as Alexia pulled into your driveway. Alexia’s heart was absolutely shattered, her baby needed her and nothing in the world mattered more than getting her into her arms. 
“Estoy aquí mi bebé, estás a salvo. Estamos en casa y te tengo siempre mi princesa.” Isabella ran into the house bringing Alexia’s jumper and Mr Biggy as she made sure Emilia’s bed was nice a cozy. “Hey, Is, You’re home how did you get…?” You immediately noticed something was wrong when Isabella didn’t stop fidgeting with Emilia’s bed. “What’s wrong Issy?” You gently asked as you grabbed her hands, “Something’s wrong with Emilia Mama.” Isabella fell into you as she yearned for her own comfort, your mind raced with endless possibilities, but you remained calm and held your eldest close. “She wouldn’t stop crying and calling for Mami.” You shushed her gently as you focused on making her feel better. 
You slowly kneeled, still a bit sore from just giving birth a few weeks ago. ‘Look at me Issy, everything’s okay. Mami has Emilia and we will find out what’s wrong, there is nothing to worry about okay.” You felt Isabella relax in your hold as you placed kisses against her cheek, “You are the best big sister ever and I love you very much.” Isabella smiled feeling a lot better now that her thoughts had been reassured. With one last kiss and a promise to let her stay up a bit later tonight, Isabella was guided to go have a shower after her game. 
The minute you caught eyes with your wife you knew something was very wrong. Emilia had Alexia’s shirt in such a tight grip that you were worried her little hand was going to cramp. Alexia was walking slowly into the house as Emilia cried softly into her neck, you approached at the same pace, gently stroking her blonde hair and coaxing her out of her Mami’s shoulder. Emilia whimpered at the interruption but when she saw it was you, she cried out your name, your wife gently passed her on to you. She didn’t go far as her arms slithered around you and pulled you both into her body. 
You took some time to cradle Alexia’s head and press kisses to her temple, she looked heartbroken as she leaned further into you. “It’s all okay, we are right here Meelie. What hurts baby?” Emilia shakes her head as she looks around wildly, eyes swollen and red. “Do you want to go lie down?” Emilia nodded softly as you readjusted her with a slight wince. Alexia was on full alert mode and her hands hovered your body as you placed a reassuring kiss to her lips. “Can you check on Dani, I put her down about twenty minutes ago?” Alexia nodded as she sighed softly, “Everything is going to be fine Alé.” Alexia kisses you again and coaxes Emilia out of your neck so she could give her the most loving kiss as she smoothed out her hair. “Te amo tanto mi princesa, eres mi todo.”
To her relief Emilia smiled softly and kissed her Mami’s cheek. “I love you too.” It was sniffled but it brought some much-needed relief into the heart of the former athlete. You brought her up to the safety of her room before quickly cuddling up with her, Mr Biggy found refuge in her arms, and you helped her put on her Mami’s jumper. She had calmed down significantly as she grew tired from crying, now she just wanted to talk to her Mama about the situation. “What happened sweetheart?” You noticed her looking at you intently which normally meant she had something on her mind. 
“I’m scared.” Her small voice rang out as she cuddled closer to you. “Why are you scared Meels?” You guided her, knowing that she was ready to talk now. Emilia pouted as her eyes filled with tears again and you shushed her gently, rubbing her back until she calmed down. “You can tell me and Mami anything, you know that my baby.” Emilia nodded as her eyes shined from her tears. Her small fingers wrapped around Mr Biggy’s ear as she mumbled something you couldn’t understand. You pulled her impossibly closer, offering your left hand so she could play with your wedding ring something she always used to calm herself down. “I didn’t hear that Meels.” You gently told her as she took a deep breath.
“I don’t…want to play…football anymore.” She stuttered as the words tumbled out; you could see the tension leave her body as she finally told you, her problem. You were incredibly relieved that this is all it was, but you knew exactly what the problem was and why Emilia wanted her Mami so bad in the car. “Meels I know, your gymnastics is starting to clash with it. Mami had been talking to your football coach to prepare them for your leave.” Emilia sat up slowly as she processed the information she was just given. “Mami won’t be upset.” You giggle softly at the pout on her face, “Meels, Mami is going to be so relieved when she hears that this is why you were crying.” Emilia perked up, “Really? Promise?” You held out your pink as she beamed brightly, “Pinky promise.” 
You kissed her head, “Your Mami loves you so much not just for the things you do but for being you. Do you want to know a secret?” Emilia nodded with a curious head tilt, “Mami was the one who suggested you do Gymnastics when she saw your cartwheels.” Emilia nearly burst with joy as she clung onto you tightly. “I am so proud of you for telling me. Did you get very overwhelmed?” You asked trying to figure out how her emotions might have taken over so you can be more prepared next time.
“My thoughts made me worried. I didn’t want to upset Isabella or my Tia’s.” You kissed her again, as she cuddled Mr Biggy. “Your Tia’s love you so much Meels and Isabella will be delighted she gets to keep the goals all to herself.” Emilia giggled as you tickled her, “I want Mami.” You nodded knowing that your wife wanted Emilia right now too. It was as if Alexia knew her daughter was looking for her as there was a soft knock at the door. Alexia had calmed down a little bit now that she was home with her family, Daniela was so tiny, and Alexia softly rocked her as she snoozed. Alexia would be lying if she didn’t say she was walking considerably slower past Emilia’s door, but it was worth it when she heard her favourite sound, Emilia’s giggle. 
Emilia lit up at the sight of her and Alexia had to stop herself from running to the other side of the room to get to her. Alexia got under the covers as Emilia fell into her. Your eyes told Alexia all she needed to know; it wasn’t anything horrific. You let them have their cuddle before encouraging Emilia to tell your wife what was wrong. Emilia settled on top of her Mami before locking her fingers with hers, “Mami I don’t want to play football anymore.” There was no shift in Alexia’s smile as she stared up adoringly at her daughter, she sat up and cupped her face. “Te amo mucho mi princesa. I don’t care what you do as long as you are happy.”
Emilia smiles happily as she rests against her Mami’s chest. “You have a gymnastic competition next week and all you Tia’s want to come. Is that okay?” Emilia nodded tiredly as she cuddled Mr Biggy, “I would love that.” Alexia kissed her hair softly before lying down and bringing her to her chest. “I’m going to stay with her for a bit.” You nodded softly as you leaned down to kiss her. “You are the greatest mother Alexia Putellas, never forget that.” 
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rebouks · 3 days
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Previous // Next
Wyatt: You’re not staying here again tonight-.. in fact, I don’t even want you in this country. Kian: Wha-… [Kian spluttered over his tea for a moment before regaining his composure and setting it down] Kian: What on earth do you expect me to do? Wyatt: I really don’t care-.. whatever you were doing before you arrived? Kian: Well, I spent most of my probation languishing at the penthouse, but it didn’t feel right. [Wyatt squinted, perhaps Kian had learned something-..] Kian: You know, like it wouldn’t be the same until we got everyone back together-.. eh, almost everyone. Wyatt: [scoffs] That’s what you want to do? Kian: Don’t you? Wyatt: All that time wasting away in prison and you want to jump straight back into the lifestyle that led you there? Kian: We would’ve been just fine if it weren’t for that traitorous redhead… [Kian trailed off and held Wyatt’s gaze expectantly, as though it were a given that his brother would agree. Wyatt wondered if Kian had conveniently forgotten his own involvement in the downfall of their father-.. and Ashton’s, not that he really knew about that part, or whether he was too brain dead to have noticed amongst the chaos] Kian: Aren’t you tired of playing house out here? It’s all but forgotten, we could go back and-… Wyatt: You are not my family. Kian: But we’re brothers-.. you’re literally the only family I’ve got left. [Wyatt laughed dismissively; he could’ve vomited at the sight of Kian’s hurt expression] Wyatt: If you’re suddenly so compelled to act like my brother, then leave-.. get as far away from here as possible and don’t come back, and don’t you dare mention my whereabouts to anyone who bothers asking. Kian: Where do you suppose I ought to go from here then? Wyatt: Really? You finally have complete freedom and you’re asking me what to do with your life? Honestly, I’d love to suggest suicide but I doubt you’d have the wherewithal, nor the guts. Kian: There’s no need for that, my god-.. what’s the matter with you? Father would-… Wyatt: Father this, father that, he’s been dead for over a decade, Kian; get over it or go and fucking join him. [Kian scoffed, shaking his head with such similar derision to their father that Wyatt wanted to choke him senseless] Kian: I should’ve expected no less than your typical hostility-.. ten years and you haven’t changed a bit. Wyatt: That makes two of us. Kian: I suppose I’ll be the bigger man as usual and do as you’ve asked, shall I? Wyatt: [tightly] Mhm, do that. Kian: It’s a good job I didn’t finish unpacking. Wyatt: Perhaps you aren’t completely lacking in forethought after all. [Wyatt clenched his fist around the handle of his mug, fighting the urge to launch it at his brother’s giant, disgusting head-.. he definitely wasn’t worth the mess though, and the tea within was nowhere near hot enough to cause satisfactory damage]
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To hunt or be hunted #4
Pairing: Alastor x Fem!Reader x Lucifer Summary: Truth unveiled, Alastor being unusually touchy, Lucifer being himself. Warnings: Mentions of child death.
Hazbin Taglist: @sakuraluna2468 @boogiemansbitch @mysterypotatoink
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One year and seven months left. You reminded yourself while watching the black snake tattoo that slowly made its way up your arm, soon it would reach your heart and all would be over.
“Ten years, you work for me at my Hotel, and if I can’t manage to convince you to find something good to do with yourself, I’ll set you free” Charlie’s voice resonated in your head, it made no sense, but the true meaning of the deal was that if she could manage to help you find a reason to continue living, you would have a permanent home at the hotel.
If she couldn’t, you would have your soul back, and then the snake takes care of ending your suffering.
A swarming of feelings and thoughts came from thinking about the countdown, “It’s probably the best” who was going to miss you anyways? No one did back at the living world, your daughter died post-partum, your husband had died because of his sins, most of your friends at the time flew overseas looking for a better life, and there was no family left to mourn you.
Still isn’t.
Your father and your husband were most likely around in hell somewhere, in a hundred years you haven’t bothered to check, probably ended up repeating the same pattern: Gambling, debts, death.
May was a dreadful month, Mother’s day, your daughter’s birth and death anniversary, and just by the end of it, your birthday. Turning 40 is bad, but imagine turning 140 years old, that is worse.
You died at 35 years old in the 1920’s, since that to now it’s been 104 years, plus your age at the time 139, now turning 140. “It’s a blessing that I stayed looking the age I died in, otherwise I would be looking worse” you outlined your hips with your hands while straightening the leather straps around your waist.
‘Y/n, can you come to the parlor please?’ you heard Charlie speak through. You immediately knew what was going to happen, giving that it was nine Am sharp, and you weren’t summoned to make breakfast.
She either told them, or Angel was going to be fried alive.
Just as you guessed, there was Charlie in front of the fireplace, as the rest, except Alastor, looked rather hurt and shocked, specially Lucifer and Vaggie.
“You called?” the smoke cleared, making yourself appear sitting on the couch next to Charlie. A gasp found its way out of Vaggie’s throat before anyone could say anything. The angel collected her thoughts and then she was able to speak.
“Charlie, what the fuck is the AXE-MAN DOING IN THE HOTEL!” Vaggie didn’t doubted a second to stand before her with the spear pointing at you, “She’s the chef of the Hotel” Charlie smiled weakly, trying her best to stay collected. “Since when?” the feline bartender asked, not minding your presence very much.
“Before it started actually, eight years now?” she turned to you for confirmation, which you nodded affirmatively. “And you hid this, because…?” Angel’s turn to ask. Charlie was in shambles trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t raise more questions, but failed, so you interceded.
“We made a deal; we don’t need to disclose the details, but it made her feel guilty” she shot you an unamused look before turning to her partner, her hand softly tracing the outline of her cheek.
“How come you got angry at me for lying to you, but you keep this kind of secret, honey?” ‘Oh hell no’ master or not, you weren’t going to allow that girl to talk to her (or anyone) like that.
“Hey now, whether she wanted to tell you or not it’s my and her business, but you hid the fact that you are an angel, worse than that a murderer, and no better than us sinners, so don’t act all hurt because now you two are even” your eyes lit up as the staring began to feel more lie a threat towards the fallen angel.
“You knew?” she diminished the distance between her spear and your neck, not earning a single flinch on your part, “One piece of advice, your golden blood leaves a trail, and the stench is very… specific, those like me that are used to blood can tell the difference” Alastor nodded in agreement.
“Why didn’t you tell me” Charlie sounded suspicions not hurt, to no one’s surprise really, “Last thing I knew I was a chef, not the gossip press” you took a look back to Vaggie, using a finger to lower the spear with zero effort, “Besides, wasn’t my secret to disclose” you winked an eye.
“Wait hold on, what makes the Axe-man want to work in a place for redemption?” Lucifer questioned, now more relaxed, he was all and hellfire before thinking you had taken her daughter’s soul. “She’s…kind of…forced to be here” another gasp.
Everyone turned to you, “I’m not ashamed of it, I got my ass kicked by miss sunshine here, lost my soul in the process and now I’m the chef” all except you and Charlie laughed, tearing up a little too.
“Charlie doesn’t own a soul, don’t be stupid, she’s lying right, Charlie?” Lucifer, watched his darling, perfect daughter image crumbled when all she could respond to that was a quiet shameful nod.
“YOU OWN A SOUL?” the shock was understandable.
It was too much for Lucifer so he sat beside you, holding his head on his hand, “Before you all judge her, I was stupid enough to challenge her when Lilith had just left, she was in a very dark place, my timing was terrible”
“How dark?” the king whispered your way, “I was her punching bag” he muttered a ‘oh shit’ both impressed and somewhat feeling guilty. They both had similar eyes when it came to pain.
“The infamous Axe-Man of New Orleans, I must say I am a big admirer of your work” Alastor came forward, grabbing your hand and placing a chaste kiss on your knuckles. “Oh, how unfortunate” he knew your name from above, so he lived around or in New Orleans.
“Why would you say that? You made an entire state fear your axe, for years there was nothing but jazz playing in the streets at night, and what’s best you were never identified nor caught” he pulled you from your seat, hitting his chest, his cane disappeared, leaving his free hand to sneak behind to hold your back in place.
“Well, I’m not that person anymore” Alastor drank in your scent, the sweetness burning its way down his lungs.
Every fiber, every hair on his body, told Alastor to run. Animal instinct, a deer in the jaws of a lion, a prey in front of a carnivore. Maybe because of the post-battle adrenaline he didn't feel the same instinct when you helped him. What will you feel with him so close? hunger? anger? lust? Curiosity ate him alive, he wanted to know what was telling you your instinct, how would it feel to be eaten by you.
“What made you bury the hatchet?” Angel’s pun made you smile, “Alastor” still in his arm, you felt him shift. “When you made yourself…present in hell, young, power hungry and all that, something inside me just told me that it was time to stop” ‘or else it was going to end with blood’ you thought. 
“Also before all this, I had heard about the cannibalistic murderer” you were aware of his aberration to touch, but given his closeness, you had no choice. Both of your hands settled on his hips, mostly for leverage, but to see how he would react to you.
“What an honor, I must say your performance inspired mine” his smile twitched, specially after feeling your warmth though his coat.
“You’re insulting me, Mr. Heartfelt” his chest tightened, a growl emanated from your throat, subtle but it made Alastor’s mind cloud a little. Focusing on your dilated pupils at all times to read any sign of warning, he saw nothing, no emotion whatsoever.  
“Your act was sloppy, careless. The bullied that became executioner of his bullies, tell me, do you feel better?” He didn’t understood what you were implying, once he tasted human meat he just couldn’t stop. He never asked himself if he was content, or if the blood made him feel better.
“You only targeted Italian mobsters; I’d say that’s rather sloppy” that’s all he could think, “And yet I didn’t allowed myself to be shot in the head” there was a weird aura surrounding you and him.
The situation was charming, two assassins of excellence, powerful Overlords with influence and stigma. Despite their sins, they were beautiful beings full of life and grace. Lucifer couldn't help but feel a tingle on his back watching such a scene. It seemed like they were going to devour each other, and relish in it.
“Disappointed?” your fangs shined with the firelight. “A little” he answered, expecting you to be more sanguinary, just as you used to be. “I’ll make Jambalaya today if that makes you feel better” but no matter what he did, while froze in place, like a deer in headlights, you couldn’t make him feel less excited, so alive.
“Thank you chérie, what about my work as of late?” reluctantly he let go of you, taking both of your hands in his.
“Very entertaining” he has a very slim waist, and yet it felt strong under your fingertips, warm. He has his hands and forearm blackened, just as his legs must be. The rest of his skin must be of that beautiful cream color. Of course, his chest wasn’t bald, like you he has a thin layer of short and soft fur.
“Get a room” Lucifer broke the moment, making Alastor’s eyes turn into the demonic radio stare you knew so well, “Funny I didn’t think such a tiny person could have a massive mouth” he then stepped away. Was it normal to be cold? Your body missed his closeness.
“Here he goes again, how about you help me with breakfast munch-king?” Lucifer felt his jacket being pulled off the couch, dragged by it towards the door that lead to the hallway to the kitchen, “Did you seriously called me that?” he allowed that, with a smirk he gave Alastor the finger.
“Want me to sing the song too?” you warned with a smile, “You wouldn’t dare-” your arm hugged his small frame into your side as you started to mock him, “Ding Dong the witch is dead!” you started, dragging the king down the hallway, “STOOP!” that was the last thing the crew heard before the door closed behind you.
🍎📻
“So, you challenged my daughter?” you hummed a yes, “She took the split a bit bad, huh?” on the corner of your eye you could see him sit on the kitchen island, just a few inches from where his daughter had hurt her hand.  
“I’ll send you my medical bill” your sarcasm made him laugh a little, “You don’t look like you belong in the sin of pride, yours must be wrath, isn’t it?” do demons look accordingly to their sins? You didn’t knew, “You tell me, I have yet to allow myself to ponder over what I have done”.
“I think I didn’t introduced myself, please forgive me” you left the kettle under the fire and walked over him, “My name is Y/n” you extended your hand to him, he took it with a smile. “Lucifer Morningstar, you may call me however it pleases you” his touch was gentle, but firm, you could feel his pulse though his gloves.
A thought tickled your brain, “In that case, would you like sugar or honey in your tea, Samael?” his eyes shifted, his horns grew. Like wood, like wood, his gaze was the same as his daughter's, and yet they harbored both hatred and sadness, both as deep as an abyss.
It shot an intense wave of electricity up your spine. You stood in front of the biggest predator in all of hell.
“Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to get a reaction out of you” he hadn’t let go of your hand, nor squeezed it, “I apologize, my king” your free hand caressed over the fabric.
He pouted, still not letting go of your hand. “If you let me touch your ears, I may forgive you” he turned back, you caught the sight of his tail slithering inside his pants.
“Sure, but please don’t get too close to the inside, my instincts are very strong and unforgiving, I would hate to have your blood on my uniform” You couldn't even finish speaking when he pulled your hand, immediately starting to touch the fur surrounding your ears. His knees settled on either side of your hips, taking advantage of the extra height the furniture provided.
“So soft, it’s so weird, a lion sinner, usually it’s a loyal, brave and true creature, heaven material” the sensation made your heart flutter. You felt like a dog, which made your ego bruise up a little, but at the same time his hands were warm and gentle, he took your advice and avoided the areas that you mentioned.
“Anyways, you’re forgiven, again, you’re very soft” Another cold feeling due to loss of touch, how annoying. You swallowed a lump of saliva before you could speak again, “Thank you, I take care of myself”.
“Oh and the note, thanks, it hasn’t been easy” he didn’t eased the pression on your hips,  “Marriage ain’t easy, and being apart after thousands of years must be rough” it’s not like the closeness bothered you, but it grant him a cocky smile and a sense of power over you, that feeling brought back the feeling of looking like a dog.
“I just…I wish I could make it up to Charlie” his hands grabbed one of yours, fidgeting with your fingers and the palm. “If it makes you feel more at ease, the sole fact that you’re here partially does more than enough” the light in his eyes lasted a few seconds, it was a lovely sight.
“Partially?” worried? Understatement. “If I say it you can’t hit me or anything” he made an X over his heart, then his hand went back to yours.
“She lied to you and you just went along with it? Parenting 101, mutual respect: she doesn’t lie and you don’t either” he applied a light pressure to your hand pads, making your claws come out and retract, that seemed to amuse him.
“So I have to…ground her?” his golden gaze went up to your eyes, but you were far too concentrated in his movements. “Well not now, but maybe speaking with her about it might be the right course of action”.
Melancholy, he had a feeling so he went for it.
“You were a parent?” he was right, your pained expression lasted a second but it was enough for him to feel a pang on his side. “For a day and a few hours” your eyes darkened, as it they were lost in a thought. The warmth of his hand on your cheek and a soft ‘My condolences’ brought you back.  
“I just know appropriate parenting by taking my parent’s example and do the opposite” you masked your pain with a smile and a smart remark, just like him, “Yeah, me too” his response made you scoff, “Where would you’ve sent you daughter for this kind of idea, Heaven?”.
Laughter filled the room. He wouldn’t do such a thing, nothing Charlie did would make Lucifer banish her anywhere, much less punish her like that for trying to help others.
“I had a different perspective of you” your tail stiffened around your leg, “What, a soulless maniac killer and nothing more?” you used to be like that. He laughed, “I mean, soulless indeed” you ruffled the hair that fell on his forehead, “But I’m glad I was wrong, thank you for taking care of my daughter, I see she trusts you a lot” you wouldn’t call it trust, nor she relied on you much.
Now that you think about it, taking care of her was instinctive, “I just grew used to her this past eight years” he smiled, “Thank you” he sensed the shift in you, the situation tensed up very quickly.
“Don’t, and just to be fully open about it, you were my objective” you would never show your fangs to anyone, looking like an animal doesn’t give you the right to act like one.
“Wait really?” his lips twitched, almost smiling. “I thought if I bruised up your daughter you would appear, but you saw how that ended” he hummed, rather amused. Your intimidation did nothing to him.
“Are you strong enough?” his question, he was insulting you? “Are you offering to fight?” you looked  at him up and down, not a trace of malice. “I mean if that’s what you wanted?” he was willing to fight with you? “I…I knew I wasn’t strong enough, nor I am now. To be honest, I wanted to pass to history as a crazy bitch who died at the hands of the devil”.
‘I’m oversharing, shut up’ you took a deep breath, adjusting yourself in between his legs, “I see” his breath hit your skin, “Now I just do this, and I’m fine with it”.
“I’d say, you’re terrific in the kitchen, no matter if it’s a served cold or hot type of dish, you always make it taste like home” your ears flattened against your head. “Thank you” he then looked up from your hand once again, a tender pink hue adorned your cheeks.
“Anyways” you got rid of his touch, as well as separated his knees just enough to walk a few steps backwards, “I have to make breakfast, and I just pulled you away because your constants fights with Alastor has gotten old very quick” you walked away, taking your white apron off the hanger, then tied a lovely bow on your back with the laces.
“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, see you later then” was that disappointment? You didn’t knew, and couldn’t care as long as your body remained trying to shake off the excessive heat, and the phantom of his touch still lingering. “Fuck” thinking about it made you cut your finger with a knife.
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Stay tuned :3
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m4tthewmurd0ck · 2 days
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IN EVERY UNIVERSE
── Azriel x Fem!Reader
(i try to be as non descriptive as possible but do use she / her, and mention reader being shorter than all the guys.)
CHAPTER ── INTRODUCTION
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Ever since you were little, books have been your escape. Whether it was needing to get away from a bad day at school or an immature fight with a friend when you were a kid, or a rough day at work as you got older, reading allowed you to temporarily forget all of that.
You imagine what the characters might look like, you dream up scenarios for them that don’t happen in the books. And like so many others who do the exact same thing, you can’t help but wish characters were real so that they could sweep you off your feet. Ugh, what you wouldn’t give to have a certain one-armed super soldier call you doll.
You thought the MCU was where you wanted to exist the most… and then you were introduced to ACOTAR.
It didn’t take long at all for you to become another one of the many girls to fall for Azriel. You dreamt of what he might look like. And of course, knew he’d fall in love with you. Would you guys follow the enemies-to-lovers trope? Childhood best friends turned significant others? Or would it be a love-at-first sight moment for the shadowsinger, who would do everything in his power to get you to notice him? The answer depended on your mood, of course.
As much as you loved to fantasize, you also knew you had to be realistic. Azriel didn’t actually exist, at least not in your world.
One night, you even go so far as to convince yourself that all the hopeless dreaming had to stop. From that moment on, you’d still enjoy books, but you wanted to do your best to stop imagining a life for yourself in worlds you’d never get to visit.
It’s definitely easier said than done, but you go to bed that night confident that it’s the right thing to do.
Only, when you wake up the next morning… something is off. This isn’t your bedroom. The clothes you’re wearing, you’ve never seen before. And why does the man that has just entered your room look exactly like how you pictured Azriel?
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i am so excited for this!!! this will have multiple parts. i have the entire general plot mapped out from start to finish BUT am unsure of how many chapters there’ll be in total. sometimes i picture a chapter being short but then it ends up being way longer.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THIS SERIES TAGLIST, LET ME KNOW! (you can specify just this series, or all things Azriel)
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aureuscanidae · 1 day
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"i wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby"
⤷ or: what do you need to hear? a pac reading.
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requests are open. like and reblog if this resonates <3
pile one. [six of swords reversed, king of pentacles, four of wands]
right off the bat, i'm getting that you might be feeling trapped or blocked, like everything that's happening around you is agonizingly slow. maybe even for some of you, progress is not looking good or there seems to be no signs of improvement. well, i'm here to tell you that this is just temporary. just take a step back from whatever it is that you're working towards and remember that before you can move forward, you have to first let go of what you need to let go. a question you need to ask yourself is, what do i need to let go of or change? this may be a little scary, but it's like the oil your engine needs to make your car go faster. you need to make some changes to help you move towards your manifestations and goals. once you make these changes, i'm seeing that a lot of good things will inevitably come your way, whether financially or in your relationships with others. the happiness and stability you want is on it's way to you, good luck!
pile two. [ten of pentacles reversed, the fool, knight of cups]
this message feels a bit more romance-inclined, so for those looking for confirmation that a new connection is coming, here it is, but not without its consequences. this relationship feels like a breath of fresh air, this person in particular will be quite romantic and there will be a lot of sparks and attraction between you both. you'll feel light and fun with this person. however, there might be opps out there who are gonna disapprove at first. this can be your family or your friends. is your family strict with you dating or who you might be dating? if so, then this connection will probably find you once you're out of their household, since the fool card represents a new beginning. if you're already out of their household, then the message here is not to place too much power to their opinions. assert your boundaries and stand up for yourself, your partner and your connection. good luck!
pile three. [two of swords, wheel of fortune, three of swords reversed]
one common theme in all of these piles seem to be change. you might be feeling paralyzed with indecision with an important choice that you have to make. this message calls for you to look within yourself, examine your priorities and what you really want out of life, and know that no matter which path you decide to take, there are things that are going to happen that are beyond your control. don't worry, though, luck is on your side and there are better times ahead of you. the choice you make in the end might not be something you had in mind for yourself, but it's full of opportunities to grow better as a person. who knows, maybe it's going to be something you need. i wish you all the best no matter what you decide to do, good luck!
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toby smut w a female/gn reader? maybeeee some dom toby?
Gender Neutral with this one, and I did do dom Toby, but I wanted to try something different. Hope you enjoy!
As I've said a lot before, Toby tends to want to be the more submissive one in your relationship. I think this is because usually, the main times he's open to sex are the few times when he's actually feeling happy and bubbly, and not when he's normally feeling cold and emotionless. However, the few times that he's interested in sex with you when he's feeling like his usual colder self, that's typically when he's going to be the one domming and taking charge during sex. It doesn't happen very frequently, but every now and then he just feels the need to take control of you and blow off some steam in a non-destructive manner, which presents itself in the form of fucking you into oblivion. 
Toby tends to be a lot quieter in situations like this. Normally when he's submissive he's constantly making noise, whether it's whines, moans, or just constant word babbling, something is coming out of his mouth. When he's domming you, though, he's a lot more observational than he is reactional. He watches you closely as he touches you, watching your face as he strokes you in all the right areas, when he starts to slide his fingers into you, when he starts to spread you open with them, when he presses his mouth to you and begins to explore you in all the places he knows you love. Every touch is much more intentional and focused than when he's submissive, and the only time he makes any noise is if he's asking you if what he's doing feels good, if it's okay for him to do something, or when he's praising you for how good you're being for him. His voice is colder and more monotone than normal, but when you look into his eyes you can still see those bright hints of love in his eyes. 
At least, until he finally gets on top of you and slides his dick inside of you once you're finally warmed up and prepared to take it. He looks down at you with eyes filled with lust and control, and it's like a totally different beast from how he normally is. When he's submissive, he fucks you gently, he makes love to you passionately and tenderly. When he's dominant, he fucks you so hard the bed is shaking and the headboard is bashing into the wall, so hard your body jolts with every thrust and you barely have time to catch your breath, the echoes of skin slapping against skin echoing loudly throughout the room. It's almost animalistic how he fucks you, pushing your legs to your chest and hammering away as if it's his life purpose. You can also expect yourself to be covered in markings from head to toe, as Toby will leave bitemarks and hickeys across nearly every inch of your skin, growling and groaning into you as he does so. 
When he praises you when he's on top of you it almost feels like he's mocking you, but you know better, you can tell from the way he tenderly holds and squeezes your legs, a stark contrast from the force of his hips ramming into you. When he cums, he cums inside you and he cums hard. His body shakes and he nearly collapses onto you, holding you close and pressing reverent kisses to you, making sure you're alright. He'll lay there with you, holding you and reassuring you, pressing delicate kisses to your marred skin, at least until he's ready for round two and the process repeats itself, as dominant Toby also tends to have much more stamina and lust overwhelming him. Your body is going to be incredibly sore and worn out by the time he's finally finished with you, but he'll always clean you up and patch up any particularly bad markings he might have left on you, getting you a warm cup of hot chocolate and some snacks afterward. Again, a very, very stark contrast from the man that just roughly fucked you so hard for so many rounds that you can't move or feel your legs anymore.
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vaspider · 2 days
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just a heads up that that post abt ppl reconnecting is by a like. meeeega z*onist. i usually am like eh ppl dont need to check usernames for everyone they reblog but for that one since its like. relatatef to an extent to the post i wanted to let you know for you and the people who follow u! i hope u are having whatever the best day for ur circumstances is
You're not Jewish, by your own admission. I went to make sure, before I started talking. You have some Jewish heritage, and you might look at converting, but you're not Jewish, so let's start there. And I am going to be as patient as I possibly can under the circumstances.
You have essentially just walked into the living room of a family that you're not a part of and said, "that thing that was just said about connecting with this family that I'm not a part of? You should not listen to it because it came from a term that those of us outside this family have rendered meaningless by overuse and abuse. You should not interact with that person because I am telling you they're a Bad one of y'all, because I've determined this word is Bad, and everyone has beaten it into the ground."
How do you think that would go, if you walked into my living room and pointed at someone there, as a complete and total stranger, and said, 'you should take my value statement about one of the people in your extended family'? Do you think it would go well, whether or not I agreed with that family member, that you've interjected yourself into intrafamily discussions, especially intrafamily discussions about our family's emotional survival and connection?
Because that's what this is, to be clear. Those people? They are my family. You just came in off the street and said, "Take my word on your family. They're bad. You shouldn't interact with them."
What's more, one of the two people you're pointing at, the only two people who spoke on that post, is someone who was present, and indeed the sole official witness, at a moment in my life which rates in terms of joy and personal meaning right up there with my wedding and the moment the midwife placed my daughter, naked and screaming, on my belly. You just came in to my living room and said, "The person who witnessed your mikveh immersion seven years ago? Bad. Take it from me, person who has never spoken to you before."
Do you also walk into drag shows, point at the person on the stage, and yell, "That's a groomer!"? Because that's basically what y'all sound like when you do this: you're coming in from the outside, wielding a word you've effectively rendered meaningless against people who belong here.
I'm real fucking tired of -- literally every time I interact with any post about Jewishness at all -- someone lunging in to tell me that There Be Bad Jews, or demanding that, because I am interacting with members of my family, I answer a bunch of fucking "when did you stop beating your wife" questions.
That was literally just in the last 24h. One post about how Judaism survives because we reconnect with each other, one post about how American institutions like Chabad are being labeled 'Israeli' as a means of smearing them. Literally dealing with living as a fucking Jew in the diaspora is now simply Not Allowed To Be Spoken Of, apparently, unless I strictly validate that everyone in the thread is not a Bad Bad Zionist, which of course applies to every Jew who says something we don't like, regardless of their repeatedly-stated values or self-identification.
It's almost like the end point of all of that is Jews simply not talking about being Jewish anywhere that they might be seen by someone who doesn't like that. If we can only speak about being Jewish if our Judaism meets the strict, ever-changing ethical purity standards of a bunch of Puritan-descended American leftists, then we can't speak about our lives at all, can we?
Funny, that.
Anyway, you have self-declared Zionists in your last 30 reblogs, so like, if you want to spend time endlessly policing someone's blog, make it your own.
Nobody ever send me asks like this ever again. This is the last one I'll even vaguely humor.
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silverflqmes · 2 days
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Do you have any hcs for yandere Sephiroth? 👀
໒⦂ ‘𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄’ 𝐇𝐂𝐒.
notes. hi hi so uh i don’t do yandere stuff, it’s not a topic i’m super comfortable with writing ( as mentioned in my rules ) but i will provide a more subtle, toned down version if that’s okay instead :’)
genre. angst + suggestive
tw. possessive behavior, implied manipulation, jealousy
disclaimer. there is a visible flip in the headcanons from pre nibleheim sephiroth to post — which takes on a darker approach. if it’s not something you are comfortable with reading, then don’t.
sephiroth x gn!reader.
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⌗ as a person who dealt with the loss of those he allowed into his life, having brought his walls down for them.. i do think sephiroth might have developed a bit of overprotective behavior — which honestly, is expected..
⌗ he doesn’t want to lose you or for any harm to come your way. whether losing you refers to death.. or to someone else — he doesn’t want any of that to come to fruition.
⌗ everything in life he cherished has been taken from him and you are not about to be one of them..
⌗ normally he’s as cool as a pickle if you’re talking to someone else, but there’s this aura emitting from him.. one look at sephiroth and the innocent bystander is practically shaking in their boots.
⌗ you of course — would be confused as hell on this.. i mean when sephiroth pulls you closer, you just assume he wants proximity..
⌗ until you go home, that is, and he’s just holding you without any means of letting go.. it’s silly, watching that subtle, yet visible pout of his and the furrow to his brows and all is understood
⌗ piece of you by shawn mendes tbh that is where my brain is rn
⌗ sometimes it’s a little more than an inescapable hug and turns into a storm of kisses — perhaps even a mark or few would be left in his wake.. but nothing that makes you uncomfortable cuz he doesn’t want to hurt or force you into anything. consent!!
⌗ while he has selfish desires and would prefer to have you all to himself, he values boundaries and freedom — it’s something he wasn’t given and he isn’t about to take that away from you, too.
⌗ but if you were trying to get a reaction out of him by PURPOSELY trying to make him jealous.. good LUCK walking in the morning are the only words i have for you LMAO
⌗ there is after care tho trust and it’s all part of the plan because he gets to have you stay over and spend time with him<3 which — despite your grumbles — you are more than happy to do<3
⌗ now uh, post nibelheim sephiroth.. he is a different case cuz he’s under the influence of jenova cells — which are obviously making him do some wild stuff..
⌗ following the concept that you would have said cells opens up the opportunity to mess with you a bit, as a means of getting you to execute his whims. kinda like he does with cloud..
⌗ he’s aware you’re trying to take him back and save him from what he’s become, and uses that to his advantage. you would do anything for him, wouldn’t you?
⌗ slowly, he would isolate you from your companions — they want him gone, anyway, but you don’t. you couldn’t sit with the idea of your lover being gone, even in spite of all he had done.
⌗ you told yourself it wasn’t him, and it was true, it wasn’t. for that.. you wished to continue your attempts at saving him, even if it was a descent into madness..
⌗ gradually, you are succumbing to his words, allowing them to reshape the view you had made for yourself.
⌗ he was right, anyway. the humans who blindly believed in shinra- were the ones that gave the company the power and means of further destroying the planet for their glory. sephiroth was right in almost every way to execute the goals he made for himself.
⌗ he only ever appeared briefly to you, his caresses leaving enough of a linger to leave you touch starved — yearning for contact.
⌗ the one winged angel only whispered soon in that velvety tone of his, a reassurance of the reunion that would be upon you both in time.
⌗ but at times, you pressed, pleading for just another second — minute or few of his time.. and with that desperation in your voice, the expression that crosses your features, how could he refuse you?
⌗ he would spare his precious time and entertain you a moment longer, indulging just a bit in you, and himself, of course. but once more leaving you lingering, longing for more.
notes. not one for writing yandere oriented content, so i hope this was okay and fulfilling enough since i watered it down quite a bit :’) just not super comfy associating him with the qualities of a yandere..
↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask
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AITA for sort of ignoring when my boyfriend is upset?
My boyfriend struggles with some depression, and I'm of course supportive, as someone with a lot of mental health issues myself. We're generally very communicative about a lot of things.
The thing is, sometimes he's clearly upset about something or talks badly about himself, but in a way where he's sort of dropping obvious hints without saying something like "I'm really upset" or "I could use support right now." For example, I'll be talking about something I did with my friends, and he'll say something like "that's great, I'm glad you had fun! I wish people liked me enough to do fun stuff like that." And I don't really know how to respond? Like I wasn't trying to gloat or anything, I just tell him about things in my life. And I know he's genuine when he says he's glad I had a good time or whatever. He's just really really insecure.
There was a time recently, for example, when a friend had offered to take pictures of me outside of a party we were both at. I told him that I was going outside and he asked if he should come with, and I said sure! Afterwards he was really torn up about whether he was supposed to come outside with me or if I was just saying that to be nice, but like I wish he trusted me in that me saying yes means I'm saying yes. If I didn't want him to come with, I would have said no. I don't really have any issues with saying no to people.
Previously I was reassuring him when he brought these sorts of things up, but to be frank it's gotten kind of tiring. There's only so many times I can say "you're a good person who is fun to be around and I like you" until it gets on my nerves. It feels like what I say doesn't make any impact on him, which I know isn't his fault, but it's frustrating for me. So I'm kind of like. Why bother repeating the same thing again and again if it isn't making a difference?
Also, because I anticipate this being brought up, I've asked for support explicitly before and he's given me support. It kinda feels like he cares about supporting me more than he cares about himself, which is sweet and all but I don't like that. I want him to care about himself too. I've told him this, and told him he can ask me for support when he needs it.
For the record, the times where he has explicitly said he's not doing well/needs support I've offered it. If he says "I really need a hug next time we hang out" or whatever, I'll do it. I just sometimes feel like an emotional nanny to be honest, because it feels like I have to be on alert for these hints or whatever and take care of the insecurity.
So, am I the asshole for not responding to my boyfriend's upset feelings unless he explicitly states them and/or asks for support?
What are these acronyms?
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daughterofcain-67 · 2 days
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𝒞𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒟𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 (𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁)
(Dean Winchester x Artist/Bartender! Female Reader)
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(𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 1) (𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 2)
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: An argument leads Dean into finally confessing the truth of his career but before you can make the choice on whether or not you believe Dean you find out some disturbing news which awakens you to a harsh reality.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: character death (oc) i think that’s it
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Things were about as tense as you thought they would be,. You had never felt this uncomfortable in your own home until this very moment as you stood here with Dean. But you supposed for the sake of your own sanity, you knew you would have to break the ice somehow.
“Make yourself at home I guess, agent.” You spoke and motioned for him to have a seat on the couch.
Dean walked further into your home and he straightened up the jacket from his suit, uncertain if he should bother with taking it off or not. But then something caught his eye. Dean started walking towards wine of your bookshelves, the one that had several sketchbooks you had from over the years.
“You mind if I have a look at one of these?” Dean asked.
You glanced over and saw he was looked it through your bookshelves. “Sure, have at it.”
Then you sat down on your windowsill and picked up your current sketchbook once more so you could get back to work on the cover art you were asked to do. Meanwhile, Dean pulled out a random book and he was slowly going through the pages.
As Dean looked at your work, he was amazed at the detail you put into it. You’ve definitely improved your skills over the years, though back in the day he didn’t know how you could have possibly gotten better. Obviously he was wrong.He continued to look through different sketchbooks but then there was one that he hadn’t expected to find.
This one had a photograph of the two of you glued to the first page. Then as Dean flipped through the pages he realized you had drawn pictures of him, each of them were dated and from what he could tell you often wondered what he would look like over the years or even what he did for a living, judging from the different uniforms you drew him in.
“I didn’t think you’re talents could get any better. You were already really good back then.” Dean finally spoke, but you ignored him.
Dean looked up at you and saw you were focused on your artwork. He closed the book he had in his palm before he put it back on the bookshelf and he walked over.
“What are you working on now?” He asked and started looking over your shoulder. He watched as you were drawing some sort of steampunk looking piece, as if it were some sort of Cinderella alternate reality.
“Cover ideas.” Your shortness didn’t surprise him but it still stung nonetheless. He let out a sigh before he tried to speak again.
“Look, at the bar I didn’t mean for you to misunderstand anything. I was really happy to see you there.”
“Dean, what was there to misunderstand? You’re an agent here to do a job and walk right out of my life all over again, leaving me with no clue as to where you’re going or if you even care to see me ever again. Danielle was right. And I should have forgotten about you decades ago.”
“It’s not as heartless as it sounds. I can’t afford to just catch up with anyone i want to, I can’t afford any kind of closeness with anybody. You have no idea how many enemies I’ve made with this job, how many innocent lives have been ruined, how many people have gotten hurt or worse just because they knew me.” Dean tried to explain but you scoffed and tossed your sketchbook to the side.
“That’s a coward’s answer. Lots of FBI agents have families. That means they’re brave enough to take the risk. But I get it, a simple conversation that isn’t work related isn’t worth the risk. I’m not worth the risk, I get it.”
“Y/N, that’s not what I’m saying!”
“Isn’t it though? It may not be your exact words but that’s the implication.” You got up from your spot and started walking to the kitchen.
Dean’s jaw tightened and his brows narrowed before he started to follow you into the kitchen.
“Alright, you want the truth?! This job sucks and I’ve gotten attached to people like you and the moment I let my guard down, ninety percent of the time those people die. Knowing me is a death sentence. My brother and I have lost too many people because of it. I can’t let you die like that because some monster takes it upon itself to break in and gut you up just because you know me.”
You, under the impression Dean was using the word ‘monster’ as some term for a serial killer or some sick sort of human being, scoffed. “Please, I’m plenty capable of protecting myself against some killer. You make it sound like the Boogyman’s after you.”
“The thing that killed your friend could easily kill you too and you can’t protect yourself from any of them, Y/N! You don’t know the kind of shit that’s out there. I didn’t expect you to be a part of this job and trust me if you weren’t involved I wouldn’t even be here.”
“Thanks, Dean. That makes me feel a thousand times better. And what kind of thing do you think will come after me, huh? Nothing could be that bad. Bad people do eventually get caught.” You said and you opened the refrigerator door to grab something to drink.
Dean rubbed a hand over the lower half of his face, wondering if he really needed to risk telling you the truth after all. You were being so difficult but you didn’t even understand the shit he’s ever seen.
“The think that’s killing your coworkers and your boss’ wife isn’t just any bad guy. You have no idea what we’re going up against.” Dean’s voice was a little calmer, yet still deadly serious. You turned around to see if he’d elaborate or if he’d keep you in the dark just as he always has.
“The business that I told you I was in with my brother and my dad… it’s sort of um.. a traveling extermination business. Sam isn’t my partner in the FBI. Neither of us are agents. He’s my brother, and we hunt monsters. Vampires, werewolves, demons, doppelgängers… every ugly ass creature you can think of, we’ve probably killed before.” Dean finally confessed.
Your brows arched upward with shock. This was the excuse Dean decided to give you? This was why he avoided you all these years and he really expected you to believe he was hunting monsters like Van Helsing? Yeah right.
“Monsters? Really? Dean if you aren’t going to tell me the truth I think you should just leave. I don’t want to see you around here anymore.” You said, growing angrier the more you saw him, hurting even more knowing he would lie to your face like this.
“Y/N, name someone in this town that would gut innocent people and steal their hearts. That’s something a werewolf has been known to do in my field and they are stronger than you can handle.” He was still insisting you believe these lies?!
“Dean, I’m serious. I’m not buying this story of yours, okay? Why don’t you just go with Sam to make sure Danielle and her boyfriend are alright.” You said and when you went to brush past him, you felt his strong grip on your upper arm and you looked up at him.
“This isn’t just a story, Y/N. It’s the ugly reality.” He told you and you searched his eyes.
What the hell had Dean seen over the years that made him so sincere about this? You swore he had to be crazy if he expected you to believe this whole monster thing like he believed it. But before you could ask any questions about it, Dean’s phone started ringing.
Dean sighed a little before he let go of your arm just to answer the phone, figuring it must’ve been Sam.
“Sam? What’s happening?”
“Dean, it was Danielle’s boyfriend. He was one of them. Danielle and I were safe and I took care of Chris but maybe one of his guys broke in and knocked me out or something. I can’t find Danielle anywhere. They took her belongings too. I don’t know where they could have taken her.” Sam said on the other line.
You must’ve heard bits and pieces of what Sam was saying because when Dean looked at you, he saw the stunned expression on your face and he watched as you started looking around to find your shoes to put on.
“Are you sure they took her? What if she had something to do with it? Did you do the test on her?” Dean asked.
“Test? What test? Dean what the hell is going on?!” You asked, wanting to know if your friend was alright. What test could they have possibly been talking about? None of this made any sense.
“I’ll explain in a second just hang on, alright? Sam, how fast can you get here?” Dan asked, turning his attention back to his brother.
“I couldn’t tell you. You and I may have to meet somewhere on foot. They took the car.” Sam said and Dean’s eyes went wide.
“You let them take the car?! What happened to you being the responsible brother, huh?” Dean asked and he ran a hand through his hair.
“Wait wait.. I found something. Dean it’s a notebook with all the workers’ addresses on them. Y/N’s name is circled. She’s bound to be next and I don’t see Danielle’s name anywhere on this list.” Sam explained and that was when Dean heard the familiar roar of the impala from outside.
“I think she’s here. Sam, You need to find Nelson and find out what the hell happened on that hunt.” Dean said sternly and your brows narrowed with confusion.
“Nelson? How can he be a part of this? What hunt are you talking about? He’s not a hunting kind of guy.” You said, thinking Dean meant hunting wildlife and you still refused to believe this whole monster killing story.
Dean hung up the phone before he looked over at you while shoving the phone in his pocket, “You need to go in your room. Lock the door and don’t you dare come out until I tell you it’s safe.”
“Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on, Winchester! What happened to my friend?”
Dean shook his head, “She stopped being your friend a long time ago. I need you to just trust me and stay out of the way until I tell you it’s safe. I promise I’ll explain everything when this is over.”
As much as you desperately wanted to argue with Dean, you could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t going to argue because this was no longer up for any debate, let alone discussion. You bit your tongue to keep from saying anything else and you walked towards your bedroom and shut the door behind you. But you didn’t lock the door as Dean advised. If what Dean was saying was really true, then you had to see it for yourself.
Dean took the gun he had from behind his back and he made sure there was plenty of ammunition. Once he found he had plenty of silver bullets on him, he made sure to keep it on him so he’d be prepared for when Danielle would come in. No wonder she seemed hesitant to leave with Sam. She had a job to do and he was willing to bet she was the one that killed Callie. Some actress.
Before Dean could even think about anything else, the door was suddenly kicked down and not only was it Danielle that walked through the door but there were two guys that were about Sam’s height dressed in leather like they were a couple of bikers from the bar or something. Sort of matched the charisma, or lack of, that Callie’s former boyfriend was talking about.
“Well well… You were just gonna spend the night with your friend and when she least expected it, you’d kill her like you killed Callie, huh?” Dean said as he lifted the gun to aim at their direction.
“Oh what would you know. Nelson deserves what he’s got coming. But it serves him right to watch everything he worked for fall apart, just like he did with my father’s pack.” Danielle seethed.
You could faintly hear the conversation from behind your bedroom door and your heart sank. Danielle was going to kill you? That was why she asked if she could spend the night? Why would she do that? She was one of your good friends, or at least that’s what you hoped. Clearly you were wrong, but what was this talk about a pack?
You reached up and carefully turned the knob, doing your best to keep quiet and you slowly started to open the door so you could hear things a little bit better. You simply cracked it open, not wanting to give your location away completely.
“Come on, you know Y/N better than anyone and you knew Callie better than anyone. You know damned well neither of them deserve what you’re doing to them. They’re good people and you know it.” You could hear Dean say but Danielle scoffed.
“My father was a good man before your kind took it upon yourselves to massacre my family! We never hunted anyone, strictly animals because my father wanted to be civilized. Live under the radar and stay clear of hunters. But Nelson… Nelson decided all of us are the same ugly things that keep you up at night. When he killed my family there was anarchy. I took the lead and said to Hell with it, we’re going after Nelson in the most.. traditional.. way possible. Show him the monsters he wanted us to be.” You could hear Danielle say, but your heart sank down to your feet.
Dean was right, she must’ve never been your friend if this was her plan all along. You felt so naive, gullible and stupid.
“Come on, Danielle, don’t make me pull this trigger on you and your friends. You think this is what your family would have wanted you to become?” Dean retorted.
“Who cares how I avenge them. This is how I’m getting my payback against Nelson and I’m not letting you, Sam, or any other hunter stand in my way.” Danielle said and from what you heard a fight broke out after that.
You heard furniture get moved around, you flinched at the sound of a vase shattering to the floor. Slowly, you moved to where you could look through the crack in the door. You finally saw the truth of what was out there. Your friend and her two companions had fangs, their fingernails turned to claws, their eyes changed color. You couldn’t believe what you saw, and you didn’t think werewolves could possibly be real. All of it felt so unbelievable.
Your eyes widened when you saw Dean get knocked to the ground. You didn’t know what to do but you could tell that Dean was starting to lose the fight. Everything in your was screaming to help him but you didn’t know how to fight these things. What if you did something wrong and Dean died because of you?
Still, as Dean was wrestling with one of the werewolves on the floor you saw him drop the gun and the weapon slid on the ground towards your door. This was your chance to do something. You just hoped that things wouldn’t go wrong.
You took in a deep breath before you opened the door wider and stepped out of the room.
Dean heard the door creaking open and he saw you standing there. Were you nuts?! What the hell were you doing?!
“Y/N! Get back inside!” He called out but he watched as you ignored him and rushed to get to the gun and you picked it up.
You could feel your heart beating fast and before you could think, you realized one of the wolves was coming after you and you aired the gun and you closed your eyes before you took a shot. When you opened one of your eyes, you saw that the werewolf was on the ground with a gunshot wound to the chest.
The werewolf above Dean was distracted by the gunshot and when the creature looked over at you, Dean took the opportunity take a shot and kick the werewolf off of him. Then, Dean rushed over to you while you were stunned about what you’ve done.
“It’s okay, Y/N. You did what you needed to, now go back to the room and I’ll finish up.” Dean said and you hesitantly nodded as you backed away and stayed in your room but you couldn’t help but to keep watching everything unfold in front of you.
You watched as Dean was fighting both Danielle and the other man she came with and Dean managed to shoot the man Danielle was with and she knocked out your former friend. The next thing you knew, Dean stood over the unconscious creature and shot her in the heart so she’d never wake up again.
You didn’t know what you should be feeling in that moment. Should you be angry that Danielle was never your friend, but a monster? Should you be angry that Dean had knocked out the person you thought was your ally?
When you slowly walked out of your bedroom again you walked over to your friend. You saw the claws on her fingers and her fangs still showed. You wondered if this was just some sort of never-ending nightmare. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do and it felt like you had been blind to so many things your entire life. Your world was turning upside down.
Dean saw the look on your face as you looked down at the corpse. He could tell you were questioning so many things right now and he never wanted things to be this way. He never wanted you to get wrapped up in this horrific bullshit of a hunting life and he never wanted you to know what was out there.
“Do you believe me now?” He asked softly, but you gave him no response.
“Y/N… I never wanted you to find out about any of this. That’s why I never told you much about my family or what we did.” He said in a gentler tone and you ran your fingers though your hair.
“Well now I know, Dean. I can’t just unsee everything that just happened.” You said softly and you felt a soft hand on your shoulder. You looked up and saw Dean looking up at you.
“Is it at least over now?” You asked.
“I’m not sure. It should be over if Danielle was the leader of this new pack, but I have to check with Sam if there were any indications of any other members of the pack and if he got in contact with Nelson again.” Dean replied and you looked back down at the body.
“She was the sweet one out of the three of us. She seemed so concerned about Callie when we hadn’t heard from her for several days… I never would’ve seen the attack coming.”
Dean frowned a little when you spoke, knowing all of this had to be a lot to take in for you.
“Let me call Sam and see if he’s got everything squared away on his end, if he was able to talk to Nelson and everything.” He said and you nodded as you walked away from the bodies and went to your bedroom again.
Dean watched you walking away, knowing your life was forever altered at this point. He pulled out his phone again and he dialed up Sam’s number. Luckily he didn’t need to wait long for an answer.
“Dean? Are you guys okay?”
“Yeah… turns out Danielle wasn’t as innocent as she lead on. She and two other wolves are dead.”
“How did Y/N take all of it? She alright?”
“Honestly I don’t know, Sammy… It might take her a little time with Danielle specifically. You get in contact with Nelson?”
“Well… yes and no.” Sam replied and Dean lifted a brow.
“What do you mean?”
“Well when I tried calling him there was no answer. So I took a taxi to his house and when I walked in, it looked like another attack. I guess someone caught word that you were facing the new leader and they wanted to make sure the main goal was accomplished so it looks like they killed Nelson before I had the chance to talk to him.”
“Shit… so what does that mean? Do you think they’ll still go after people working in the bar?” Dean asked.
“I’m not so sure… I think we may need to stay a few days and lie low to see what happens. It’s better to be safe than sorry.” Sam insisted and Dean looked over at your bedroom and saw you sitting on the corner of your bed, disassociating because of everything that transpired.
“Yeah… That might the best option. You think you can swing by to help me take care of these bodies and get Y/N somewhere safe? You said the werewolves had addresses in that notebook right? I think she may need to stay with us for a few days just incase anyone tries to go after her again.” Dean insisted.
“Yeah, just give me about fifteen minutes and I’ll be there.”
When Sam and Dean hung up, Dean walked over to the bedroom and towards you. He knelt in front of you and saw you were just spacing out and thinking of so many different things, he could practically see it on your face how lost you were.
“Hey, you’re gonna be okay. I promise.” He said and he placed a hand on one of your knees, which broke your trance and you looked down at his hand then back at him.
“Dean… I’ve never even shot a gun at a person before… I just killed someone.” You said in such a timid little tone.
“Y/N, you’ve got to realize that wasn’t a person. None of them were. Not anymore. They would have killed you, your coworkers, and who knows who else they would have killed if you hadn’t helped stop them.”
“Danielle… was a person to me. I can’t believe she lied to me like that. Then again what the hell do I know about anything anymore. You must think I’m so stupid for not listening to you before.” You scoffed and your eyes started welling up with tears, one slipping from your face and you swiftly wiped it away.
“It’s natural to have doubts. I know what I was telling you is hard for a lot of people to believe. I wasn’t expecting you to believe me instantly. Stuff like this isn’t easy to take in.” he continued and you looked back at Dean again.
“What am I supposed to do now? Where do I go from here? Am I going to get in trouble with the police? Surely my neighbors heard the gunshots.” You started to ramble.
“The cops are bound to show, but they still think Sammy and I are FBI agents. We claim self defense which unfortunately ended in fatalities.” Dean answered.
“You make it sound so simple.”
“This isn’t my first rodeo, Sweetheart.” Dean said before he moved his hand from your knee and he held one of your hands.
“But as far as beyond the police are concerned… We don’t know if there are more werewolves. So after Sam and I handle the police when they come, I think it would be better if you stayed with me and Sam. Just for a few days until we know there won’t be anymore attacks against you or any of your other coworkers. They have your address so we don’t think you’ll be safe here right now.” He continued.
You bit down on your bottom lip before you nodded a little, deciding to go with Dean after all. You didn’t exactly want to be alone after tonight, but maybe you’d be alright after a few days.
“Okay… Let me pack some clothes before I go with you.”
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A few days went by and things seemed to settle down. You had found out Nelson passed away and the cops connected Danielle to the murders so they believed Dean’s claim of self defense. Not that you were really surprised. Dean seemed to be a pretty good liar when it came to the cops.
There weren’t anymore threats against you at least that you knew of, and now that it’s been a week of silence, Dean said it was safe for you to go back home and now you were riding with him in the impala.
The car ride was quiet, as if the both of you knew this week long journey was coming to a close and you weren’t sure if you would ever see him again. You wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t see him again, knowing he’d more than likely say the same things as he did in the argument before the attack. It was disheartening to know that Dean didn’t want to take a chance.
When the two of you made it to your apartment, it was like nothing had ever happened. Only because Sam and Dean went out of their way to clean up the bodies. Naturally some things did need some replacing like the vase, or the living room couch that had been splattered with blood, but you would get those things on your own since you had been looking into buying a new couch anyway. But it was sweet that Sam and Dean took it upon themselves to help as much as they could.
“Well… I guess this is the part where I take off.” Dean said and you looked over at him.
“Why don’t you stay for dinner? I’m a crummy cook but I can order something. My treat. It’s really the least I can do after you saved me and helped clean the place up after everything.” You insisted.
Lucky for you, Dean didn’t really put up much of a fight so he followed you into your home. Dean sat at one of the love seats since you no longer had a couch at the moment and you sat down on the recliner as you pulled out your laptop to see what you should order.
“Chinese sound alright to you?” You asked and Dean smiled a little.
“Whatever you want to order’s fine.” He replied and you pouted a little.
“Dean, this is supposed to be for you as a thank you. I need a little help here since I’m not exactly a mind reader.” You said and Dean let out a little chuckle before he tried to think.
“What about a burger and some fries?” He said then it was your turn to smirk.
“Diner food again? Sure.” You snickered, “Want anything else with that?”
“Maybe some pie.” Dean said and somehow you knew that was a must, considering he just went through a whole pie in three days during the week you stayed with them.
“Sure thing.” You insisted and you started placing the order online for delivery and a couple of minutes later, the order was completed.
“It should be here in thirty minutes or so.” You said, shutting your computer and you set it down on the coffee table.
“You know you didn’t have to order anything.” Dean replied and you smiled.
“Again, it’s the least I could do.” You insisted
You and Dean were watching a show just to think of how to kill some time but the two of you settled on some sort of cartoon. You and Dean couldn’t find anything decent so the Boomerang channel seemed to be a better option at least for the time being.
“Dean?”
“Hmm?”
“You don’t… have to hit the road after today, do you?” You asked and Dean looked at you.
“Well… I mean that’s what I normally do with cases. I never really stay in the same place for a long time. There’s a lot more than just werewolves to worry about and… and well it’s better if Sam and I kept on moving.” He said, looking away from you even though he could still feel your gaze on him.
“Don’t you ever just slow down? Catch a break? Surely there are other hunters out there that can handle the stuff you do.” You said and Dean shook his head.
“Not really… the stuff Sam and I see… they’re pretty much apocalyptic and we can’t put that on anyone else. It’s our responsibility, our burden to bare and it’s a death sentence to bring anyone else into it.” He said and you scoffed a little, causing him to look at you again.
“What?”
“You and your liking for the coward’s way out.” You said, recalling the argument again when he gave a shitty excuse as to why he didn’t get close to people.
“It’s not a coward’s way, Y/N. It’s reality. You saw yourself what’s out there. And I’m risking a lot just being here right now.” He said and you rolled your eyes before you got up and went to your room.
Dean lifted a brow before he got up and followed you. When he did he noticed you were looking for something and he couldn’t help but tilt his head as he leaned against the doorframe.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Looking for something.”
“I can see that.” He said and watched you pull out a box. He didn’t see a whole lot inside until you pushed it towards the end of the bed. That’s when he saw a few shirts and cassettes, mementos of that summer.
“You don’t realize how many lives you affect when you travel, Dean. I know I can’t possibly be the only girl you’ve come across just to leave behind. And from what I can tell, I’m not the only one that could have died but survived. But when you just leave people behind you take a piece of them with you and it’s like you don’t even realize it. You’re too blind with the whole idea of keeping your distance that you don’t realize the people you hurt along the way by not giving them a chance.”You began and Dean lifted a brow.
“Y/N, I’ve gave people chances and they still lose their lives. You’re right, you aren’t the only woman I’ve come across. But once I get too close they get killed. The last one got hurt severely so I had a friend erase her memory to forget everything about me. It’s to keep her safe and I can’t lose anyone else.” He told you.
“Do you realize how you’re making yourself sound, Dean?”
“What do you mean?”
“As far as hunting, you’re bound to be one of the strongest men that I know. Not that I know many- obviously. But what makes you a coward and what makes you selfish is the fact that you can’t allow yourself to be close to someone long enough to know if they’re willing to stay with you even if this life is tough. Hunting is scary shit, I know that now. But you don’t deserve to go through it alone. It’s unfair to you.” You said.
“I don’t deserve that sort of fairness. If you knew half the things I’ve done-“
“Do you think any of that matters to me, Dean?” You set the box down on the floor again before you walked towards him.
“I don’t know much of what you’ve done all these years, and I don’t know the pain you’ve gone through. But I know that no one should ever have to be alone like that. I can tell just by looking at you that you’ve been through a lot. You deserve to have someone by your side to at least give you some sort of relief from this life every once in a while, give you a break from your ‘apocalyptic’ stressors.” You said and took a bold move by taking one of his hands.
Dean looked down at your hand with his before lifting his gaze to meet your own.
“But what happens if you get hurt, or worse? I can’t stand that risk, not with someone like you.” He said gently and you sighed a little before you gave his hand a little squeeze.
“Didn’t you ever think about me accepting that risk? You can teach me a lot and I’m willing to learn. Obviously I won’t have as much experience as you and I never will, but you can teach me enough to defend myself so you won’t have to worry about me so much.” You were trying so hard to compromise and Dean could tell.
What seemed to surprise Dean the most was that you were actually willing to learn how to hunt. You were actually willing to be a part of this much shittier side of life. It was amazing that out of the choices you had, this was the one you were willing to make.
“What about your art? Or the bar?” He asked and you shrugged.
“I can still work on art. The bar was just to keep my lights on. And now that both my friends are dead… I don’t really have anything keeping me bartending.” You explained.
“But what if-“
“Stop with the what ifs and the hypotheticals. Please?” You said, practically begging him to stop trying to make excuses for you to not join him. You didn’t have anything left going for you here.
Dean looked down at the floor between both of you as he tried to think of his best options. So many things swirling through his head about how things could go wrong. How would be able to protect you? How quickly would you be able to learn everything he’d have to teach you? If anything they could always use the help with research while he and Sam were on the field. But what happens if you were researching while he and Sam were out on the field working and something happened to you while he wasn’t there?
You could practically see the gears turning in his mind with how so many things could go wrong and you reached up, touching his face gently.
“This is the kind of thing I’m talking about. You’re thinking about so much already. You have so much on your shoulders, I can see it.” You said softly and he started looking at you, gaze softening as he started to relax against your touch.
“You don’t deserve to carry that stress…” You whispered and leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek, close to his mouth.
“Let me be at least some sort of distraction.” He listened to your voice barely above a whisper and he could barely feel your lips against his cheek.
Dean carefully moved his head and your faces were so close to each other. One small movement and he’d have his lips over yours if either of you simply leaned forward.
“Do you think you could handle everything you’d distract me from?” He asked, his mind slowly starting to open up to the idea of you coming along even if he still had an overwhelming reluctance within himself. Still, he felt your thumb lightly graze his cheekbone.
“I wouldn’t be asking to go with you if I wasn’t willing to try. I could never fathom everything. You’ve been through, but I can try to make it easier even if it’s for a moment.”
Dean tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as if he were still thinking about it before he lifted a hand and brought it to the back of your neck. He felt the way you seemed to melt into him but all he could think of was how he let Jo and Lisa down.
“Please… just give me a chance.” Your voice broke him from his thoughts, or at least a strand of them. Only to start a new strand.
Dean started to think of the two weeks he spent with you. Those two weeks he had never felt so normal, even happy because of you. It was like the hunting world hadn’t even existed for that amount of time when he was with you even if he was supposed to be working on a job. Seeing you happy and realizing he could make the world safe, make sure you were safe, that’s what gave him the reason to hunt that summer. He thought back to the drawing you had given him, knowing he had never forgotten you over the years and knew he never could. He remembered the way you made him feel and a part of him now was screaming not to let you go like that again. John wasn’t in the picture anymore to lecture him like a child about who he told about hunting. He was a grown man and you were a grown woman, and you were begging him to take you along. He knew you were capable after watching you kill one of the werewolves when you were attacked. So why shouldn’t you come along?
He remembered just how Jo passed, how so many others have passed and who he’s lost and his jaw tightened for a moment.
“You have to promise me that you’ll listen to everything I tell you on a hunt, swear that you’ll listen to every precaution Sam and I tell you. When there is a plan, you stick to the plan so you don’t get hurt.” He said, tone stern with a certain gentleness about it.
You softened, realizing that he’d likely be so cautious with you and you wondered just how many people he’s lost with this life. But you knew that’s something you might never know. You could tell it was taking a lot for him to even think about you coming along.
“Promise.” You swore.
Dean then leaned down and he was so close to pressing his lips on yours. Your noses barely brushed against each other with how close he was and eat somehow he was already at ease. He didn’t know exactly what made it so easy, but it had felt like ages since he was able to feel this calm, decades since his mind finally slowed down just because of a small action like this.
The abrupt sound of someone knocking on the door interrupted the moment and the both of you pulled away before you had the chance to kiss. The voice on the other side of the door alerted you that it was just the delivery guy. He heard the way you sighed with a little irritation and he cracked a small smile at the reaction.
He let go of you so you could tend to the guy at the door. After you paid the guy you set the food on the coffee table just as he was walking out of your bedroom. You were in the process of pulling everything out of the plastic bags but Dean kept his gaze on you.
“I’m not kidding, though.” Dean said, his mind going back to the roller coaster it always was, but you gazed up at him.
“I know you’re serious. I’m not a child, Dean. I’ll be careful, but you and Sam will still need to teach me a few things. Plans have to change sometimes and we have to adapt. Nothing in life is cut and dry so you’ll have to trust me to take care of myself too.” You said, and that was the part Dean may have the issue with at least for a while.
“That… may take me a little time to do.” He warned and you walked over and handed him the bag with his burger in it.
“Naturally.” You replied and he was surprised you were taking this so well.
“I’m not expecting things to be smooth right away and for you to be so nonchalant with me on a hunt. So long as you’ll eventually be able to trust me on these things, then it’ll be fine. I’m a bit of a fast learner so we’ll get there eventually.” You promised before you sat down.
Dean listened and smiled slightly. He knew you’d need that determination. It’d be a good thing to have especially when he and Sam were both so close to having enough when it came to facing demons and angels. But trust.. he knew that would be the biggest thing he’d need to work on.
Dean knew he could trust you with certain things. He could trust your willingness to learn, trust your ability to adapt to a changed plan quickly, but he didn’t trust other factors of a case and when things would inevitably go wrong. Maybe the more you’d be around, the more he’d get better at that.
Either way… it would be nice to have you around, at least to let him forget about his own personal hell once in a while.
“You gonna join me or am I going to have to eat and watch Scooby Doo by myself?” You asked, breaking Dean away again. He smiled before he walked over to join you in the living room where you moved the seats closer to the coffee table.
One day it will be easier to let his worries go, easier to let the weight on his shoulders get a little lighter, and Dean hoped that maybe, just maybe, you’d be the one that could help him along that journey.
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groguspicklejar · 2 days
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i might say something that will offend you in this post because i may have certain misconceptions and stereotypes about the lgbtqia+ community that i'm probably unaware of. but hopefully, this comes off across from a good place and any offense taken was completely unintentional and i apologize in advance. these are my opinions and mine alone because this is what i've noticed so far in my 22 years of life on this wretched earth:
in african culture, when a woman gets married, the groom's family has to pay dowry. and when that woman dies, she will be buried with her husband's family's graveyard, instead of being buried in her family's graveyard.
now i knew the first part of that for a long time, but i didn't know the second part and i was horrified when i did because why would my husband's family want to keep me after i'm no longer of service to them? because that's what marriage is to me, that's how i see it. a transaction. in the current age of alpha pod cast bros, incels and the men in my own country being inherently misogynistic anytime i express myself in a way that challenges how they view women, i've come to the conclusion that marrying someone from my own culture would probably kill me in more ways than one.
it would kill me in the sense of me knowing that there's more to life than being reduced to an unpaid maid, surrogate, sex machine and other things that are physically, mentally and emotionally debilitating.
i'd asked an older woman (40s) from an african culture about this and she... tried to make it seem as though the dowry thing wasn't a transaction and more like the groom's family saying thank you to the bride's family for raising such an upstanding young lady for their son. which, in hindsight, was just her trying to dampen the severity of what was actually going on and i think she was trying to make me feel less apprehensive about the idea of marriage, fully knowing that it will always, always, always put women at a disadvantage in some way, shape or form.
she, herself, is married. has been for over 20 years now. and she's someone close to me, someone who i regard very highly.
but for her to... i don't wanna say lie about the dowry thing because i feel like she has a different opinion than mine, but the way she looked at me when i asked her about it makes me aware that it's a sensitive issue and she didn't want to frighten me so the only way to do that was to not tell the truth.
and that lowkey makes me trust her less now, which hurts because i really do value her opinion on things. because i want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, no matter how brutal it is, if i'm going to make an informed decision about certain things that might alter the course of my entire life.
anyway, dowry, husband's family claws to you, even after death. terrifying thought. my point is that in whatever cultures i hear about, whatever cultures i come across, there's always going to be a woman being exploited somehow. whether she's bought, sold or abused by someone close to her so that the men can benefit from it, there's always going to be that element to some degree and i think as women, especially, the younger generation, need to be made aware of it.
which then brings me to another issue that i now have to face because of this, which is the subject of my asexuality because it directly contradicts everything there is about being a woman in my particular culture. especially the part where it involves sex. and those of you from ethnic cultures and are part of the lgbtqia+ community know this struggle. it may vary from the gays, to the lesbians, to the bisexuals, to the transgenders, nonbinaries and so forth, but the different struggles we all face are connected by the same things and that's the horrifying and intricate beauty of the patriarchy and white supremacy.
what do i mean by this? the main point of all this is that sexual intercourse is a tool used to obtain and maintain power in a heterosexual relationship. and anyone who does not fall in a heterosexual relationship is seen as not normal or a threat or something negative.
let's take a gay relationship, for instance. perhaps there's two men in a relationship. since there isn't a woman in the equation, society sees it as wrong. society sees it as a threat to the heterosexual, patriarchal structure that has been built. why? since there isn't a woman in the equation that needs to fulfil the role of being subjugated and exploited in some way.
same with lesbian relationships, but it's slightly different in the sense of there isn't a man in the equation to do the exploiting. just two women existing in a relationship, no man involved as the center of attention, no man that needs his every desire to be catered to.
i feel like lesbians are the luckiest people because they don't have to deal with men the way straight women, gay men and other people do and it just goes to show that sexuality really isn't a choice. if it was, i'd chose not to be attracted to men.
with a bisexual, you're pressured to "pick a side" because being attracted to more than one gender, according to society, is also wrong. also, just because you're in a relationship with someone of one sex, doesn't mean you're still not attracted someone of another sex. not sure if this applies to pansexuals as well, but i think it does.
if it's a nonbinary person or gender neutral, also a problem because not conforming to one specific gender, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel or how it really is not something you can truly identify with.
transgender: transitioning from one gender to the other. also a problem, according to society because apparently it's wrong to identify with something you're not born as?? if i'm putting it lightly and in the simplest terms that i understand it. adding to that, society sees it as a problem because transgender men (or anyone who wasn't born a woman) carrying children and transgender women not having children is not what the patriarchy is about, therefore it is a threat to it because of how non-traditional it is. that and so much more regarding being transgender, it's a huge threat to the system(s) put in place and i think that's why they're at a higher risk of being physically put in harm's way which is frightening to think about.
asexual: since you're not attracted to anyone or don't want to have sex with anyone, you're a problem to society because you are that much harder to exploit if you aren't in a relationship with a man. because you're either "too picky" (code for; your standards are too high and i can't step up my game to reach them) or "you're sick and need to see a doctor" (code for; i can't seem to change your mind and neither have countless others, so i can't seem to find a way to force you to be in a relationship with me therefore my only other option is to make you feel like you're weird for not allowing that) or "you'll meet the right one" (you'll meet that one person who will finally get under your skin enough to sink their teeth in and use you the way they want to) or any other phrase the average asexual has heard.
like all of these things centered around men and men's desire for sex, for marriage, for children.
still, even if i wasn't asexual, even if i was just another straight woman, it wouldn't have made that much of a difference (if any at all) because i still stand firm in my belief that marriage was built as a transaction, as away to suppress and oppress women's voices and autonomy because the world i live in has not changed its ways regarding how daughters, wives and mothers are treated in households that are apprently supposed to protect them.
maybe my opinion might change when i'm older. maybe that's when men stop acting like complete monsters to us. maybe i might find that one guy who isn't as monstrous as the rest and even then, i'll still question if i'd want to be vulnerable enough to willingly legally bind myself to him and him to me. and if i do want that, then fine. so be it.
but as of right now and always? having kids? out of the question. married or not, i am not having a child for one reason or the next. i've seen myself around children, okay? i don't like the person i become when a kid pushes my boundary. i don't like having to suddenly question the morality of smacking a kid and telling them to shut up before i do something worse. and i can barely remember to eat and i hate cooking on a regular basis, the mere concept of feeding someone else at regular intervals so they grow up healthy is mentally exhausting, on top of doing countless other things to make sure that they grow up to be functional adults.
all of that is required as a woman, especially in my culture. i'm expected to get married and have kids at some point in my young adult life. but i don't know if i have it in me for even one of those things and i'm damn sure that i don't want the other.
the african woman i spoke of, i worry for her because when she dies probably maybe 3-4 decades from now because she's still in her 40s godwilling, her children will have to advocate for her when she can't, they will have to stand 10 toes down and demand that she be buried with the family she grew up in because that's what she said she wanted and not the family she married into. and i know they will because they love her too much not to grant her that final wish and let any cultural practice to get in the way of her last moments of happiness.
anyway, that's all i had to say.
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