#where things make goddamn sense

[bread-tab]

"stop making [media] your whole personality"

ah... okay. yes. so.

first off:

there's this neurodivergent thing, where you use an interest as a filter for processing the world.

for some people that is called a "special interest," for others with different needs it is more of a "hyperfixation;" there are far more variations than i (or the field of psychology) know how to describe now. if you want to understand the difference there are people who can explain those variations better than me. but i can tell you what it feels like.

you discover something.

it doesn't matter what it is; you find something that speaks to you, something you can connect to, and it becomes a bubble of safe habitat from which you can rest from and explore and connect to all the other parts of this strange chaotic world.

a source of joy. a source of illumination.

it's like you're a person who has lived all their life in dark caves and you find something that glows.

these interests can be anything.

(literally anything; i personally derive meanings that you could never imagine from ✨ drainage ditches. ✨)

but very often, they are stories. tv shows, books, movies, comics, songs, podcasts, minecraft improv streams, cartoons, web serials, whatever

these things are:

tangible. you can hold them in your hands, replay them, turn on the subtitles, take screenshots, read the sheet music

and yet

real. they form a genuine connection from your (isolated, untranslatable) internal world to other (formerly unknowable) people and the rest of the universe

they create meaningfulness

and they exist because humans find these incredibly effective soul-deep ways of communicating to one another.

now, appreciating stories, that's not a neurodivergent thing. that's a human thing.

the point of relevance here is that experiencing an extreme love for stories is a neurodivergent thing.

it's a very common neurodivergent trait which often gets mocked, portrayed as childish, and used as a pretext for infantilization and bullying.

(and it is also a trait of young people in general, to take stories very seriously in a way that looks silly to adults, and that is something that many people (regardless of age) try to bully out of each other.

what good is that doing anyone?)

"stop making [x] your whole personality"

listen, you. get down off that goddamn embankment and climb down into this ditch with me. dip your toes in this oily water. watch the stars and city lights ripple into constellations you've never seen

now look me in the eye

you need to understand that no matter what lowbrow, cringey, problematic or otherwise not-to-your-tastes drivel you might be complaining about today,

you are talking about the phenomenon of creativity

you are talking about a transcendent catalyst of human emotion

and yes that includes the overmilked disney franchises, it includes the formulaic shippy fanfictions, it includes whatever brightly-colored cartoon this website is obsessed with this year (and will be having incredibly dramatic meltdowns over next year), it includes the cheesy action movies and the fanservicey anime and the badly-designed video games and the milquetoast tiktok "literature", it includes the indistinguishable scribbles of some random five-year-old and/or famous fine artist and/or precocious elephant

i get it. you care about real life and touching grass and shit. you have taste. just take the stilts off your horse for a second, okay?

i know you're probably sick of "let people like things" discourse

i would just like for you to stop for a second and take a deep breath, and let the stench of whatever is in this mud puddle wash over you (yeah i know, ew, but you'll be fine) and consider

what is so bad about having a cringey personality, anyway?

and maybe you will think better of making "stop making [some silly moment in the universe] your personality" into your personality and maybe you will come off as a little bit less of a snob/ableist/ass and maybe you will have a slightly better outlook on life among humans.

that's all. yeah you can get out of the gutter now. thank you for coming to my ted talk—

ooh wait, look, a bottle cap

#''let people like things'' is not enough #let people find joy in the mundane stupid shit of life goddamn you #rant #*waves hands inarticulately* your sprouts! #protect your sprouts #idk if i'm making sense #i failed literature 101 three times for this #fuck it #maybe this is the semester i go back and pass that goddamn class #long post #actuallyautistic #adhd feels #neurodivergent breadtab #ableism #and that thing i don't know what to call it #where the intellectuals and the anti-intellectuals are fighting and it makes my head hurt because they're both missing part of the picture #and for me that part whatever it is it's foundational #sleep deprived #i have more to say about drainage btw #unfortunately it's more of a ''rotating in my mind'' kind of interest so it might not #make sense #per se #however i could probably get more poetic about this considering the thing I'm rotating in my mind is the sum and substance of how #humanity intersects with the water cycle of the entire earth #in summary: woder

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

every time i remember "ingo is an ascian/ancient who literally forgot everything about that" it still kills me. so much staying power in the idea of the protagonists rocking up to ishgard having the worst day of their lives and there's a fucking ASCIAN just chilling waiting for them and they're like fucking dammit now we have to deal with THIS. and then he's not. like he's literally just chilling. he is so very much just some guy. and they're like why the fuck are you dressed like an evil wizard then and he's like they're comfy robes :(

#swift plays ff14 #the nemesis speaks #not that it makes sense for ingo to be dressed like an ascian if he is in fact the watcher as previously proposed #but this is so hysterical to me so idc. slight amendment to fashion senses that's just how all ancients dressed forever #so like naturally ingo wouldn't wanna change. ancients famously don't like having more than like #2 outfits conceptually and generally just the one #venat and themis greatest rebels ever wearing (checks notes) the same ass robe but in white #anyway the other slightly less funny more serious part 2 is irida pulling the thordan Thing w/ the eye #becoming a vessel for palkia etc. diff motives obviously but same outcome #and this completely destroys ingo naturally. bc he doesn't remember it but it's just his brother leaving him all over again #this would also be the point where the protags actually buy that he really isn't an evil space wizard #because he is IMMEDIATELY kill-it-with-fire the SECOND he sees a primal. not exactly ascian behavior #anyway. meaningless rambling over #edit: oh yeah they also find out then that he's immune to tempering which is like ok you're not evil but that's goddamn weird #but nobody has much time to properly register or consider it bc. they are fighting evil dragon irida. not much time to pause and chat

[soldier-poet-king]

Where did I put my dbt handbook I NEED IT

#yet another thing i am hiding away living with my parents like #can i just exist #im already like adding walls and layers to my being #can we have ONE thing that is not constantly a game of anxiously fearing being discovered #I AM A GODDAMN ADULT #im just. i have literally no idea where it is. i KNOW i have one but i hid it so well even i cant find it now #anyway we're at the stage where i am prodding wounds and doing things i know will make me feel bad #which could be good on the sense of testing boundaries #but is not good or helpful in my current situation with 0 irl supports or ppl to trust #bleasghhhhhhhhhhhh #OH THARA CELEHAR WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW #just. reminding self. its abt duty and obligation and goodness and not sad navel gazing pity or my own fulfillment #its not about me. its not about me. its not about me #i need to do this stupid job prep thing after work #bc better job means better pay i can move out have more time which means ill be able to volunteer and do good and help #and not just be sad and useless and a waste of resources #i know what things would maybe help but also i cant just buy STUFF. thats selfish. i already have stuff #i dont NEED comfort to live

[torgawl]

never thought i'd see people try to argue or analyse wriothesley's murder in regards to his personality. i think people are missing the point. the situation has nothing to do with him and has everything to do with an extremely traumatic environment that made a small boy think the only solution so save himself and the people he cared about was to take the life of his abusers. it's not supposed to be rational, it wasn't premeditated, it wasn't about getting away with it. if you read his description of the murder you can see how out of it he was. his goal was to protect himself and his siblings and that's what he did. that's why he admitted to the crime so easily and why he is keen to associate the fortress as a rebirth place. he was just young, lost and traumatised and that's about it when it comes to the extension of it all.

#people acting like they're disappointed because he's a 'manipulative' and cunning individual or because he's cold and that it doesn't match #the crime as if at that time he wasn't just a kid experiencing extreme distress and without a safe space to seek help #i also don't personally think he's manipulative at all. he isn't like ayato or yae miko. he has very strong values and he does everything #to abide to that. if that means ommiting information at some point to make the best out of a situation he will do so but he doesn't do #things for personal gain and as soon as he can be truthful he lays all the cards on the table #this reminds me of that ayaka situation where people tried to paint her as manipulative when all she did was ask the traveller to hear #people's stories so traveller could take their own conclusions about the situation in inazuma shsjsh #it's also the way wrio isn't even cold. he's serious and composed but goddamn if he didn't show how empathetic he is #also how lightweight his personality is during the archon quest... #at this point i'm just questioning myself if we're even playing the same game #wrio 'i believe in restorative justice rather than punishment' the slay #wrio 'there's a prophecy about a flood dooming the entire country so i'm taking matters into my own hands and building noah's ark to save #my people' the slay #wrio 'i have no reason to trust you but i will still offer you a cup of tea' the slay and people still try to pain him in an obscure light #he's not even that morally grey 😭 he's morally gray in the sense everyone is #wanting to stop people who hurt others isn't controversial or shouldn't be #also because we KNOW that's his last resource #his job is literally to give people a second chance the same way he took his except he actually wants to make life easier for others #than it was for him and people are so vocal about how grateful they are of him like??? #he's such a good guy genuinely #and just because he's intelligent and usually composed doesn't mean he isn't emotional sensitive or even prone to being put in situations #where's he's forced to react a certain way because that's just human nature #he's literally just a silly guy with trauma and big responsabilities set him free from the shackles of mischaracterization please 😂 #not that i'm better i'm a fool i may just be talking shit really #but seeing people act like the murder is somehow badly written or that he is dark and dangerous make me go ??? #having the ability to do something doesn't define you as a person and i feel like judgement without context makes no sense #but maybe that's just me

[smute]

twin peaks is like the direct antithesis of today's tv shows i don't have the spoons to write a whole essay and im sure someone else has already said what i'm thinking rn much more eloquently but the pacing of that show is truly astounding it's so goddamn slow it creates suspense where there is none it makes the mundane feel world changing it was pure agony when i first started watching but ive actually never paid this much attention to a story it's like it allows you to take in the PRESENT moment instead of constantly making you wonder whats gonna happen next it's the opposite of rushed and so it doesnt have to rely on trite symbolism its humor is subtle some of the the dialogue is deliberately artificial and theatrical and some of it is utterly pointless its so refreshing when the words flow like water and not every line has a purpose characters pause to think conversations fall apart it doesnt try to immerse you in the story IT PUTS YOU IN A TRANCE people call it campy but the truth is that it's not concerned with realism there's no emphasis on verisimilitude it feels like a fucking dream it's brechtian alienation it's epic theater it transforms the ordinary into the strange and makes the strange seem plausible

#its so goddamn mind blowing not only how the central character of the story is completely absent #but her murder #aka the thing that seems to drive all the action #is completely irrelevant as well #its like #its more defined by what it isnt than by what it is #ok now im not making sense at all #its midnight and ive had a glass of wine #GOOD NIGHT #penis wakt #& #also im tagging this as #lit #because thats where all my hot takes live

[finnpeach]

THR0NE 0F GLASS SPOILERS AHEAD (up to Q/ueen of Shadows)

hey guess who just read qu/een of shadows and lost her fucking mind. ME!!!!!!!! why hasn't r0wan sneezed yet. anyway if you care let me know which fic would be hotter

#it will probably have spoilers in it or idk maybe not either way a fucking elf will be sneezing and his gf will get turned on by it #what's not to like #im leaning towards the cold in the mountains bc I looooooove making characters share a tent and sneeze #but it would make more sense if he caught a cold in rift hold because he was without powers and around humans so #also where are the r0wan fics WHERE ARE THEY!!!!!!!! #picture me as a rabid animal snarling and biting and digging at the ground #I need to see them (UNLESS THEY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE LAST 3 BOOKS THEN KEEP AWAY!!!!!) #writing this in the author's tone will be so goddamn easy bc she writes like fan fiction and SO DO I!!!!!! #hey did you guys catch when she called a snake poisonous in the first book. pissed me right off #call me a hater but I will go into the book and cross out things I don't like #dialogue that makes me cringe or factual inaccuracies #or I'll cross out things and write in something else that I think sounds better

[musical-chick-13]

.

#will probably delete this later but I needed to get it out somewhere #like I am so goddamn lonely. and it is making me feel LITERALLY as if I'm about to descend into genuine madness #but the PROBLEM is that. in order to not be lonely. you need to find other people. and you need to have reason to believe that those #people will keep wanting and making an effort to communicate with you #and the thing is THE THING. IS. that you cannot control what people do or feel. I have no say in what people think of me. #I have to rely on other people to build new relationships. and that is just not. something that I can do. #it's not something that makes SENSE for me to do anymore. so I try to figure out how to just not want human connection at all #you know maybe if I intentionally isolate myself or grow my cynicism on a regular basis I'll get desensitized to the point #where that's just genuinely not something I want anymore. so then I'm not lonely but I also didn't have to rely on anyone else being #trustworthy and accepting and willing to care about me to get to that point #but. I mean maybe some people can do the denial thing but I can't. I've been trying for years. and that carved-out-hole in my chest #hasn't gotten any better. it hasn't filled up or healed over or gone away. it's just gotten bigger. #but if you're genuinely convinced that you're just built in a way where no one is ever going to really love you...what the fuck do you do? #if connecting with other people is something I want but it's (in my probably-biased estimation) completely inaccessible because I am #an inherently shameful and unpleasant person just by virtue of existing...then I'm just stuck at an impasse. and I'll always be crying #over something I can't logically ever have. why bother pursuing it if I am just going to be rejected or hurt or disparaged or tossed out or #neglected or sidelined or any number of bad outcomes? if that's how pursuing any kind of new interpersonal relationships is going to end #then why bother? the only thing to do would be to learn how to be completely unreliant on other people in any way forever right? #but THAT'S not logistically feasible EITHER and I've already proven that I can't fucking do that so what's left? just always be miserable? #I DON'T WANT TO RESIGN MYSELF TO THAT!!!! #sorry. it's. getting to be late december & around the new year is when it always gets Bad™ so we're just. gonna be like this for a few week #In the Vents #ugh all of this would be better if I still lived near Best Friend™ #anyone who gets to live near/with their Person™ PLEASE know how lucky you are and don't take that for granted

[elytrafemme]

i really do wish at least one of my family members had a normal perspective on politics. not in the sense that any of them have bad takes persay but just that literally none of them approach the broad concept of Politics in an effective manner

#nightmare.personal #my dad i have learned is incapable of having two way conversations which is endearing but unproductive #my mom has given up on politics which isn't really helpful either #my sister is a vocal leftist but also afraid of geopolitics which makes sense so i don't mind that #and my brother formulates really strong opinions that i don't know if he's ever researched #they're not bad opinions necessarily they're just like. where did you do the thinking part did you just assume like #republicnas are stupid so im not that. like i don't know it's complicated #i need to be able to talk with fucking someone in my family but we're all so goddamn dysfunctional at the talking thing #neg

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Of course they buff critical hits AFTER I beat Malenia with my stance breaking strat.

#I have generally found critical hits a bit lacking in elden ring at times #me vs elden ring #but I thought the ease with which you could stance break enemies balanced it out #typically charged R2 > crit #I wonder just how different it is. Probably nothing ridiculous. #a little more reward to make learning to parry actually worthwhile #(parrying crits are more powerful than backstab and I assume stance break crits? Not sure about the second one I don't parry) #in dark souls 3 parrying was useful for a few specific bosses and generally not worth it for everything else #every souls game really. I'm sure it's a much bigger deal in pvp but pve #kind of wonky. lot of risk for little reward #more of a style points thing #Gundyr is like impossible if you can't parry though #and parrying Pontiff makes the fight a lot more manageable #...that's it #was only ever good at parrying in bloodborne of course where it's easy and less risky but consumes item #just flowed more naturally too. The way you parry in souls games with enemies just falling to the floor #makes no goddamn sense

[astrxealis]

okay i'll seriously stop now (just a maybe) anyways please get into milgram listen the songs watch the mvs and all! <3

but just to ramble a bit: fuuta really is. so similar to the viewers/es

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #he's a twt user and kinda chronically online LMAOOO okay but to be serious. he doesn't really realize the #real world consequences of his actions until it's too late. and in the mv he so obviously shows regret and all #there's a scene where he's looking at his self from before doing the spraypaint again and tbh yeah dudes sadistic w that kinda thing #sadistic but in sort of a good way in a sense that he wants to deliver justice. but then things escalate too far as well #<- probably starts calling out people for the smallest things. not anymore about justice #or it still is about justice but even in the littlest of things... anyways yeah he likely starts it but then the others r the ones #who put more flame to the fire. i think he has problems w attention too so this kinda yk. makes him feel seen... or idk how to phrase it #bcs dude spends most of his time online right? the whole gaming thing might be an escape from reality in that he #likely doesn't have much friends if any at all (he also doesn't really get along w anyone in the prison. but i think he is a good person bc #he cares for haruka bcs hes younger). hmm. fuuta knows what's the deal with milgram #anyways yeah i think it is all just so interesting. he's definitely regretful and feels guilty and also... he's hinted at stuff #uhm. worrying. stuff. if yeah? idk how to phrase it but i think it is safest to really vote him innocent (also he deserves it imo) #he still needs to improve w some stuff but then again i dont think we should be Extremely Harsh #yk scruntinizing everything. voting him guilty again for a 'small' yk. not that what hes doing is negligible but i mean that he's #starting to improve (even if his... mental state is getting worse it seems) and it feels wrong and is exactly what he calls out #es/the viewers for if we vote him guilty for the smallest of mistakes/injustices even when he's yk. getting 'better' #sorry for terrible explanations here i hope it makes sense oml #i dont think fuuta meant anything bad fr. and then the drama audio w es like... agh wait im putting that aside for now bcs goddamn #i think there's smth to do w. Pressure. ofc. duh. LMFAO. maybe peer pressure to join in the cyberbullying #he likely didnt mean for it to escalate but maybe he started losing himself in it all w a sort of hero complex #ahhh trying to tie together stuff from the 1st trial and 2nd trial is complicated bcs the two have similar but different themes

[dennisboobs]

well, i'm just about done watching always sunny for the first time,,, i've only got 5 episodes left of season 15. i would've watched all of them last night but i spent an equal amount of time ranting about the character assassination that happened in seasons 9-13 (and. tbh. right up to the last ep i've watched of s15) of the shit and puke show. i really hope sunny sweet 16 completely knocks it out of the park because i'm kind of just. depressed every time we get a good episode in the later seasons, it makes it worse when you can see the characters,,,, still in there,,, trapped between guest writing that doesn't understand what makes the show good and rehashed episode plots,,,,

#ada speaks #its so fucking bizarre to have a rcg written episode where they make a random obscure callback to season 3 #and then the next episode features massive retcons built upon retcons that make no goddamn sense #i would rather wait 3 years for a season entirely written by rcg than have half a season full of eps with a Cool Fresh Premise #that being said. holy fuck stop with lethal weapon episodes #awful to have THOSE fucking things be like the most in character eps of the entire season #i do think theres been. irreparable damage done to half the characters that rcg lean into anyway #but at least we dont get dee's completely ooc golden goddess rant. #i will not forgive them for making her dennis 2. #THEY WERE DISTINCT DAMN IT

[symbioticsimplicity]

Yu-gi-oh The Gathering

I did it. I started a Yu-gi-oh fic. It’s gonna be an adventure kiddies. Chapter 1 up now.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39397017/chapters/98595945

#ygo #trans!yugi #puzzleshipping #prideshipping #flareshipping #i have no idea where I'm going to be going with this whole thing but that's the fun part #it's an mtg crossover #sorta #i might have restructured the most important cards to mtg's format #because yu-gi-oh is broke as fuck and it makes no goddamn sense #this from someone who's been trying to play duel links for the past week and a half #anyway y'all should check this out

[scattered-winter]

ok. this might be slightly insane but uhh...how do you feel about doing all 4 pevensie kids (or however many of your choosing) for character bingo? i know they're probably not, like, blorbo status but your narnia posting around thanksgiving made me think of them. (if not them, i propose: owen bc your owen rants delight me, and judd bc. judd <333)

AKSJLDFKSHDGISLRIJSKHG UR SOOOO VALID ACTUALLY !!! i'm gonna do them all <333 because i want to <333 i've actually never read the narnia books so these are all the movie kids <3

lucy, edmund, susan, peter <3 you've awakened something in me <33

everything on this is derogatory <3 i have a rich inner world where owen is a genuinely interesting character with a genuinely interesting narrative but i also don't give a fuck about him so i'm probably never gonna talk about it <3

judd <333333333 my beloved <33333333333333 the only wrong thing he's ever done is support owen in any way shape or form and that's just down to the writing constantly propping owen up and so i choose to ignore it all <3

#someday we need to have a conversation about how the characters in lone star aren't allowed to have any stories/arcs of their own #without it revolving around owen somehow #like. i know there are a few non owen-centric arcs but they're all so so so minor and are resolved within the episode #but GOD. it's so frustrating when the characters act ooc in order to make owen look good #like. they constantly prop him up as Their Leader The Captain The Best Man Ever even though he's canonically. done some shit. #and he's just obnoxious as hell. #and idk. owen's continued Main Character Disease is an act of hatred towards me specifically #but god. GOD. the narratives that could be possible if they let other characters take the limelight. if owen wasn't front and center #every goddamn episode. #JUST around owen himself!!! he would be so much more interesting if they just!! gave it a REST!! #the arc in s3 where he came to terms with his trauma regarding being on the front lines of 9/11???????? #that would have been SUCH a compelling arc !! but by the time i got there i was soooo fed up with every single thing #being about owen in a show that's supposed to be driven by an ensemble cast. #i was SO frustrated by all the owen bullshit that when they had a genuinely good storyline for him it just flew over my head #because it was Just Another Owen Centric Thing. #idk if im making sense im tired and fed up with owen's shit #i've been wanting to rewatch lone star for the longest time but im putting it off because i dont wanna have to deal with owen again lmao #pros: carlos and marjan and judd and tk and mateo and paul and nancy and tommy and michelle and billy and all the amazing characters i love #cons: OWEN'S ANNOYING BLAND BITCH ASS #anyway. anyway #leo 🌻 #i looooove peter pevensie so much he's so <33 #the way he tries so hard to keep his siblings safe in the first movie ???? when he doesn't know what's going on ???? god. #its the siblings in media that always fuck me up #and edmund is just a little shit (affectionate) #i'd beat him up on the grounds that he reminds me of my little brother. which is reason enough <3 #susan <3333 i love a smartass <3333 #and lucy is just. so sweet. and hopeful. i <3333

[headbandsandflats]

not me logging into livejournal in the year of our lord 2022 to scrape the internet floor for the crumbs of matt/julie fic

#i am broken - fnl has broken me #also WHY ISNT THERE MORE MATT X JULIE FIC THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT MAKE SENSE TO WRITE ABOUT #and why is there so goddamn much riggins x julie fic?!?? #anyway #2008 problems? #friday night lights #fnl #matt x julie #matt saracen #julie taylor #let matt have something #that thing where you watch friday night lights fifteen years late

[yepthatsacowalright]

Again, I’m as much a fan of Stranger Things as the next person, but the last episode being 2 AND A HALF HOURS LONG?? It could have definitely been broken up into 45ish-minute chunks (I know, because that’s what I did, because that was a lot). For why did we do this, Netflix??

#apparently the duffer brothers felt it would mess up the structure #but i can't stress how much i disagree on that #especially with a show where multiple episodes drop at once #makes way more sense to provide stopping points for any viewer who feels like they might need it #anyone who doesn't is free to let the auto-play do its thing #and it's not like they don't know that #they've done it with all prior seasons #i don't know #that just felt like a lot to ask of an audience to feel like they have to watch ALL that go down in one sitting #tagging #stranger things spoilers #just to be safe #but i'm not spoiling anything #except that episode is one full-length feature film in a tv-episode trenchcoat #and i hope that's not a trend starting because i don't have the tiiime for 2+ hour episode tv shows in my life y'all! #goddamn

[adhdheather]

just did my practice midterm for my linear algebra midterm tomorrow morning and im having a moment after getting every single T/F question wrong on that practice test

#linear algebra doesnt make intuitive sense to me :( #like i think im good on all the problems where i have to solve things and show my work. but goddamn the true/false part might get me