#where da fuckin uhhhhh

[thotpuppy]

oooh neat! Tagged by @lucky-bishop

Last movie: I watched elf christmas morning :,^)

Last show: uhhhhh pppprobably the latest season of Lupin on Netflix, watched that in november..?

Last song: Pagan Poetry by Bjork (from my TriReign/Addabge Dmaddiage fic playlist hehe)

Song stuck in my head: For the past two weeks any time i haven't been actively listening to the playlist I've had the Horror and the Wild by the Amazing Devil on loop in my brain, specifically the line where he goes "welcome to my table bring your hunGER" its just so good so good im obsessed w them

Favorite color: toxic waste green

Currently reading: good question tbh I have Dark Rise by CS Pacat sitting on my coffee table but im being bad abt it. i WANT to read it but i just haven't had a real opportunity to sit and read

Currently watching: bruh i haven't watched anything since xmas im sorry lmao

Next on your to watchlist: i literally purchased buffy season 1 on dvd to try and make myself rewatch it (and make bonnie watch it) but she managed to start without me and therefore i haven't touched it

Currently consuming: cold coffee :,(

Currently craving: medium ice coffee 3 cream 3 liquid sugar and limited edition Pink Velvet swirl from dunkin donuts.

Sweet/spicy/savory: gimma da sugar baybee

Relationship status: i have a puppy hehe uwu

Current obsession: Peter Hale's inner voice, desires, and machinations

3 favorite foods: not to be a fuckin weeb, but uh - tonkatsu ramen (LOADED with everything but hold the menma because its gross), golden curry chicken over rice (the way i make it at home though), and potatoes. just... everything made from potato is good. they're the real super food.

Last thing you googled: throne (image) lmao... the last like, "fact" i googled was what they called bathrooms in europe circa 1300 iirc

Dream trip: i want to go to japan for a restaurant tour. i don't care about shopping or sightseeing, i just want to eat food.

Anything I want right now: i want an iced coffee i didn't make at home. i also want to be writing my fanfic so bad. ive passed 24k. im crying. im weeping. im so excited!

no pressure tags! @endwersed @whimsicalmeerkat @renmackree @sinnabon-cosplay @cardboardslugs

#personal / #hehe these are so fun #tag game #ty lucky <3

[the-minecraft-funnies]

going through the Minecraft tag requires every ounce of brain power you have to keep from losing your mind after 5 minutes

#minecraft #gaming #mineblr #it's just a mixture of everything #too much going on #most people just tag things minecraft #and then go on a rant about some white guy #dont care! #where da fuckin uhhhhh #minecraft houses #also reading this post made my brain hurt #i cant tell if this even makes sense

[satendou]

OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW THIS IS SOOOO CLICHE BUT LIKE 😠😠😠 im such a SUCKER for relationships with a deep understanding for e/o and a poly relationship w bokuaka would be just THAT.... like im so INVESTED also omg talk abt ur fav poly pairings bc ive read thru ur entire poly tag and im in love 😞😞😞 suddenly i do want to be in a poly relationship w the hq boys (i am also a rarepair kinda girl so seeing u write about them as poly pairings make my heart go 💗💗💗💗 i luv it so much thank u for ur service)

you saying i have a deep understanding of e/o: what is e/o?

hrnnnngd wjeheveve i loved reading this i was so tempted to just hoard it 🥺

uhhhhh my favorite poly pairings are probably iwaoi, akiwa (iwaka? iwakaashi? anyway i get da point), kuraka, daikuro (daishou not daichi sorry), and whatever the hell the ship name is for semi/shirabu.

iwaoi should be obvious like,,,they have such a strong bond already that it feels like one of the most natural pairings. i don’t have to fight to see how they might interact. i always imagine oikawa acting like a little gremlin just to rile iwa up, and iwa is SO obvious about his feelings for oiks bc he’ll start stumbling over his “shittykawa” insults in fear that oikawa will ✨suddenly✨ be hurt by them.

iwa: i don’t wanna be obvious about it

you mattsun and makki, in the bg, watching him stutter through a painful number of insults for oikawa: sure jan

oikawa, pretending to be oblivious: what was that iwa-chan?

kuraka isn’t quite as fluid to me as boaka would be but i just know that akaashi and kuroo would be the cheekiest, sweetest, dorkiest idiots in a relationship. kuroo enjoys inconveniencing you to the nth degree, and akaashi will sit back and watch it happen. akaashi is a good cook (you can’t change my mind) and makes sure you’re eating correctly, but will get kuroo back for shenanigans by telling him he doesn’t get to eat. also: puns. that’s all.

one of my rarepairs is probably more like a “uniquepair” but whatever. iwakaashi just slammed me in the head with a mallet one day and took hold. akaashi takes a LOT of pride in flustering iwa, but iwa doesn’t realize how easily he flusters akaashi in return, bc he’s too busy being flustered. iwa has an obsession with akaashi’s hands (don’t we all), and akaashi always loses his ability to think when iwa wanders in shirtless (i’m losing my ability to think just thinking about it oop). anyway, the relationship with them isn’t as loud as it would be with kuroo or oiks, but akaashi flourishes by being the trickster in the relationship. in the other i always see him as the more level head just bc kuroo is a bigger goofball.

uhhhh kurodai (daikuroo?) is just,,,like iwakaashi it knocked me out one day. that fuckin relationship is chaotic af. i hate to say it but they probably argue a lot. it always starts out joking, but can and will come down to a “why do you always do this” type of fight. like,,,they don’t find it hard to agree on things specifically but each of them has their own opinion and both want to do it, so neither of them want to back down. so they often devolve into petty arguments bc “nothing they suggest or do is ever right”. theirs is probably the most unstable relationship to me, but they just have to go and learn from a sort of friendship to a relationship. they’ll figure it out and then you’ll have your hands full. sarcasm, stupid puns, romantic surprises all the time. they almost burn the house down once trying to recreate the dish you had on your first date with them at home. charcoal a la city water: yum.

semirabu, shiremi, uhhhh shiremabu idfk they all sound terrible ANYWAY. semi is pretty laid back compared to shirabu, and usually just lets shirabu have his way (within reason of course) bc usually he’s right. shirabu has to learn to curb some of his more acerbic attitude at the beginning of the relationship, bc before where he’d just speak his mind, he now needs tact and boy lemme tell you, he doesn’t have that. another one that’s kinda unstable at the beginning bc shirabu has never had a serious relationship before, so he’s unsure of himself and that makes him even more uneasy, which makes him prone to lashing out more. you and semi need to be patient with him but don’t let him walk all over you either. he figures it out eventually.

this got so long sorry 💀 i just,,,love talking about them man. i don’t think most people like polyships lmao.

#i talked a lot of about the ships themselves but that’s just bc #i always talk about how they’d interact with you #and i rarely talk about the characters interactions with each other #but i love them too so #🌺.iwaoi #🌺.kuraka #🌺.iwakaashi #🌺.daikuro #🌺.shiremabu #just fuckin bc #👻.answers

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

[irish-nlessing]

Adding from Niall bringing willie with him to buy your engagement ring. But Niall running out of your ensuite in the house once you’ve seen the positive pregnancy test and had your own little celebratory kisses and hugs and him running straight to find willie wherever he is in the house shouting “I’m gonna be a da! Where the fuck are ya Devine?! I’m gonna be a fuckin da!” And like hugging him so tight and the two boys being thick as thieves 😭😭😭

And you’re just standing behind them as they’re jumping up and down, “uhhhhh I’m the one with the baby in me remember???” 😂😂😂

#wwnd

[an-emovision]

❞𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 𝔹𝕖𝕕❞ - 𝕂𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕜𝕚 𝔹𝕒𝕜𝕦𝕘𝕠(𝕂𝕒𝕔𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟)

~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀ A/N: Hiya! uhhhhh idk if i like this one but im gonna post it anyway because why not. this ones a little shorter then the last one i posted so yuh. also the art is not mine, i found it on pinterest if someone knows who the artist is please lmk so i can give credit. Trigger warning(s): Gore, slight strong language (its bakugo what’d you expect) ~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀ ❞𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑖𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑢��𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖 𝑤𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑑 𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑖 𝑔𝑜 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑜 𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝑀𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑎 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖 𝑔𝑜𝑡 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒, 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔.❞ --- It was if time had slowed when it happened and all you could do was watch. You and Bakugo had been paroling the streets of the city, the night was still young so the two of you where leisurely walking around, your guards where down but it was only for a moment. Little did the two of you know, that moment would be your undoing. "That is not how that works" Bakugo grumbled, you two where 'arguing' over god knows what. You let out a gentle chuckle before a devilish smirk graced your features. "Oh yeah? why don't i just go ask Deku then? I'm sure he'd agree." Your tone was laced with an all to familiar cockiness. A low growl left Bakugo as your words left you, his crimson eyes made contact with yours as his trademark scowl quickly took over his once less annoyed features. "Dont you fuckin' da-" A small group of Villains, if they could even be called that. After experiencing the nightmare that was Overhaul you never really considered the smaller groups of Villains to be that dangerous, you still fought them of course but still. Really they just looked like street thugs that just so happened to have super powers. However, this group got the jump on both you and Katsuki, before you could even react what looked to be an oversize metal nail was headed straight for you two...Or rather, It was headed straight for Bakugo. He was whisked away right before your eyes, they rounded then you quickly turned around. Since your quirk was meant more for close combat it helped that the group was standing rather close, you assumed they'd been following you for a bit. Mentally you cussed yourself out for not realizing sooner as you readied yourself for whatever other attacks they might throw. "Don't worry Katsuki I've got this!" You yelled to him, you assumed that he dodged the nails point, and had maybe been knocked out seeing as you didn't get an answer and he wasn't rushing to protect you like he always did. It wasn't that he thought you weren't capable, oh quite the opposite, he just liked to protect you. He loved to be your number one hero. And so the battle begun, not that it was really a problem for you, you did place fourth in the top five pro heroes after all. It had been over a year since then and you liked to think you two were still going strong. "Hey Katsuki!" You smiled as you took a seat on the lush green grass beside him. "Today was awesome, a little girl came up to me and asked me to sign a plushie she bought of me!" You brought your knees to your chest as you continued to tell your boyfriend about your day. He just listened, he was a great listener when it came to you. When your explanation of your day came to a close you let out a gentle sigh and smiled over to him. The day with those villains was definitely a hectic one. The fight was easy, but your discovery after the fight would leave you in shambles. Your boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugo could not dodge the giant nail. Blood covered the wall behind him and dripped down it, making a large crimson puddle below him, it also dripped from the nail itself having gone straight through him. There was no way he survived that, he had been impaled, hanging from the wall. You stared in horror, shock grounded your body as tears began to stream at an uncontrollable rate down your cheeks then with shaky hands and a shattered heart you called the Heroes Association for back up. You shook your head, shaking away those unwanted memories and bringing yourself back to the present. "So...How're you?....How are things up there?" you asked, placing the bouquet of white roses you had forgotten brought for him in front of his tomb stone.  "I hope everything's okay" Your last remark left you in a whisper as you hugged your knees tighter, your smile faltered as a few tears started streaming down your already slightly damp cheeks. You always had a little bit of a crying session before coming to visit him. "I miss you...So so much" 

#katsuki x y/n #mha x y/n #fanfic #ff #mha #my hero academia #katsuki bakugo fic #mha angst #bnha bakugou #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha fanfiction #bakugou katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #x reader