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#when you're being abused - finding a term for what you're experiencing and realizing you're not alone and that things Aren't Normal
neil-gaiman · 1 year
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Hi Neil,
I'm watching S1 of Sandman, and as a survivor of child abuse, I was curious about the depiction of Jed's abuse in the show. It shows a very typical portrayal of child abuse in media, that being intense physical abuse and neglect.
When I was younger and coming to terms with my own abuse that included severe psychological abuse and emotional neglect, but not physical violence, it was harder for me to realize what I was experiencing was abuse, when all the narratives around me only showed physical violence. Since I wasn't being hit, it seemed my abuse wasn't real. This experience is not unique to me, and has been expressed by other survivors.
I understand the source material was created 30 years ago, when we weren't having these conversations the same way, but I was curious why you chose not to update the narrative for TV, as you have done for other plot points in this and other shows? But I also understand that this probably wasn't intentional. In future, would you consider adding more complex abuse narratives to your work?
I think there's room in fiction for a lot of different experiences, just as there's room for them in life.
You might find something closer to what you're seeking in, for example, The Ocean at the End of the Lane.
But that doesn't mean a story like Jed's isn't a real story too, and that the kind of abuse that Jed experienced isn't real and still happening. (There's a Wikipedia page with links to the cases of abuse of minors involving long term detention. I'm not going to link to it here, but it's a Google away.)
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psychelis-new · 1 year
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pick a pile: "Past Life Triggers"
[TW FILLED READING]
take a breath and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read a brief description of what may be some triggers (or the main trigger) that you carry with you possibly from a past life. the description will be accompanied by suggestion on how to deal with them/it and start the healing process. I believe that we may undergo similar events, or events that may trigger those feelings we experienced in our past lives, while in this life. so to be able to heal those traumas too.
don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.
(photos found on unsplash)
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pile 1 [main tw: childhood/emotional/physical abuse]
Your past life may have been revolving around being a worker child or not being able to actually have a free life. You either were a slave or indeed at the service of your family or a boss. Something prevented you to be able to actually decide for yourself. Maybe you have seen your dreams crashing down (for some it may have happened later on in your life: you were probably sold to someone rich kinda suddenly, either to work for them or to marry them or you had to work in some "pleasure house" for example) or you had to stay hidden (like mining or working somewhere underground), but anyway your life depended on someone else's decisions. It wasn't yours. And the realization of this fact hit you greatly.
I am totally getting Oliver Twist vibes. You were a pure soul that only wanted to enjoy their life but never really could, and for sure not on their own terms. All you did that you may not be proud of was for a reason and was to save yourself and live another day. You probably had to steal food or something like that. I think this character a bit introverted, shy, closed off, not fully able to trust others, and always on alert, is what you brought from that life in this.
You had friends, younger siblings or at least a few companions, but most of the times (and most of you) had to find ways to survive on your own and think about yourself first. You very likely tried to take care of them, when you could though, but you couldn't always save them. You're probably still a bit closed off though, shying away from connections even unconsciously. Maybe you had to work for your family and couldn't really get away from that/had no choice. Maybe your whole family was working as slaves somewhere. Or any of the other situations I mentioned above... the message here is kinda straight forward. And it involves you not being free or having the ability to be in control of your life in whatever way. Maybe at first you had to obey your father and then you got sold to another rich man when your family got poorer? Something like that too.
Whatever that was, the suggestion is to try and listen to your inner guidance. Not everyone is out to control you or take advantage of you, and you need to take control of your life as well. And you can. You're free. Even if it seems scary and uncomfortable (it's supposed to be so: you aren't used to that, your soul is still in that fearful place). Take baby steps, learn who to trust, and do it fully for once. Let go and live your present life, at any cost. You're here for that, remember. Others have their lives to enjoy already. Respect others, thank them for their interest in you if necessary but do what you want of your own life, you owe no explanation to anyone. And you can be seen and listened to. Don't hide away.
song: street | doja cat
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pile 2 [main tw: blood/d3ath, gaslighting]
I think it may be something related with blood. Maybe a tragic death or a death of any type. Something you feel has dirtied you, or changed you and your life. I keep hearing "stain". You probably now may fear about being imperfect, flawed, not good enough or "staining" your imagine in any type of way, not looking so perfect and deserving as you'd like to be.
You probably still fear your inner darker parts, you see them as mistakes, as things that shouldn't be there. You may try obsessively or compulsively to clean yourself (I'm seeing someone trying hard to clean white clothes from blood stains), by trying to avoid considering those parts, or hiding them, fearing being judged. I feel in your past life you may have been considered guilty of something, like ending or ruining something. Could be a marriage, or even a life. Maybe you were considered a witch/sorcerer too, accused of bringing plagues or bad luck in your village.
I feel you bring within you this pain, this fear of being accused (which may have actually happened irl) also of things you have no control or power on, that don't depend (solely or at all) on you. And that you cannot make better cause again they do not depend on you. You may also have some control issues. You probably were lied to a lot (but mostly in this life). You are also probably scared of being wrong or making mistakes of any type and again not been considered as perfect/right all the times. You may also have problems with criticism and tend to take it personally, even when that's not the intention behind it. You may occasionally project on others too, to defend yourself in particular (or to ask for help, but in an indirect or unconscious way). You were probably gaslighted in your past too and learned to self gaslighting, and may have learned to be ligthly manipulative to defend yourself.
I think you are supposed to heal this trauma by stopping causing yourself this pain, hiding yourself or parts of yourself in fear of not being accepted or accused of things that you cannot control (people judge or project on you from their own trauma, it's not your fault and it won't be like this with everyone). Be you, learn to embrace also the darkest parts within, as we all are made of dark and light. And there's no shame in that. Bring love to yourself. Accept yourself first, so to allow yourself to be accepted by the people that you really deserve in your life (and not by those you may want but don't actually need). Take a breath and listen to the intentions behind others' words too. Again, not everyone is here to come after you and accuse you or make you feel any less of who you are. See your worth despite any stain you may want to wash away: to actually do that, you need to accept them first. To actually see those parts not as a problem as you were probably taught to, but as a part of your self solution. There's nothing wrong in you.
song: the worst | jhené aiko
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pile 3 [main tw: bullying, loneliness, suic*de]
There's sadness and loneliness in your past. A sense of never fitting in, of never being right or good enough. Of feeling oppressed, somehow. You were probably a studious or a researcher, a scientist, a nerd of any type (for some you probably were into healing herbs or something like that, but it's only a few tbh check pile 2 if you feel this resonates more), and you were never really able to be understood by "normal" people. Your quirks were not easy to be understood by everyone, but maybe you had a few friends (even if you weren't too aware of them). Some people may have bullied you though. It feels very heavy tbh. I'm sorry... Maybe you decided for the worst too in that life. Not sure if it happened when you were a child/teen or more as a grown up, it could be either.
Ofc this is what you're bringing in this life too, as if the present life wasn't enough complicated and relationships not hard enough for everyone. May it be your karma? Who knows (we prolly deserve, if so). You (your soul) may be taking revenge and rejoyce in people searching for you now, needing you and your knowledge, your help. I am seeing a smirk. I understand this comes from a lot of pain also in your past life, but remember that this is only effimeral, and not what you need nor are searching for. Don't let pain make you bitter, don't give people the power to let you down again: you don't need that type of people; focus on the few, even the only one, that value you for who you are. Be real with yourself: what do you want? Real deep relationships, I am sure. So try and create yours. I know it's not easy, but... give it a try?
Okay, you will probably still fail sometimes, you won't meet the right people right away and you will make mistakes at first, but it's fine. Just go out and try. Give yourself the chance to try and also to be wrong, to not finding your people yet. Rome wasn't buildt in a day. Take time, get accostumed. The more you try, the more you know yourself, who you are and what you can give (and deserve to get), the more the people that are willing to balance that part of you will be attracted in your life. Believe in this. Take control of your emotions and your mind. You are better than those who hurt you in any of your lives. Show them that.
Take control over your pain, and allow this internal change. It will probably pain you as well, but it is just the last step before things will get better. You're a very sensible soul, and that's so impressive seeing how harsh and hateful we're becoming as humans. Try to not let these emotions take you over though. Find your space, your place to distress. We need you here with us, even if sometimes things seem so unbearable... I know you can bear with them still, I can feel it. Find your own reasons to convince yourself. Ask for help, reach out for people (I'm here if you want, just don't be afraid that I or anyone else won't understand you or think you're a burden cause that's not true), talk, write or search for your personal signs to stay. Just take a look around, they're there. Take this reading as your sign that something better is ahead and it's gonna happen for sure. Try, okay?
song: stay alive (prod. suga) | jungkook
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pile 4 [main tw: abandonment issues, people pleasing]
You probably weren't able to express yourself freely in your past life. You had to shut up, to bring respect to your father and elders, to obey, to behave. You couldn't really rebel despite your mind, heart, soul and ideas were telling you differently. You were different from the rest. Kind of a rebel. And for this reason, you had to be taken care of, to be controlled, to be held back. Cause your words would have only brought you (and your family in particular) problems, and others (your community) would have judged you. Some type of bohemian hero/ine?
You were energetic, not afraid of the different and the new or to be perceived as a libertine, up to try anything, and didn't care about what others were thinking of you. The energy reminds me a bit of Jeanne D'Arc, but even more of Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, Francis Scott Fitzgerald's wife (the guy who wrote "Tender is the night" and "The great Gatsby", eg. Not sure if you have seen the serie about her and how they met, but if so you may get what I mean). As her, you probably were interested in writing too. And you were good. You liked doing something that was new, or not seen as "good/standard" for your gender (if you even recognized yourself in any). Ofc you didn't care and just did whatever that was. But you also lost a lot in the process (probably people from your family or environment left you aside, and you pretended you didn't care), and got burned many times (I swear I don't mean this as a pun, also cause tbh Jeanne D'Arc came up on a second thought after I had already written this).
I think you're bringing this energy in your life as well. The will to take control of your life and dreams is still very strong, as the will to not stress too much but simply trying to enjoy and do your best. It feels like you already have a clear call. But there's this void still in you. This need to not be left out, to be appreciated, to not be left alone. To be supported. To feel love, any type of love, at no cost. To give love and receive love, unconditionally. Something inside still feels scared that if you really let it all out, if you let this energy take over and followed your call, you may end up being seen as someone that needs to be left aside, to be let down, as a bad influence... or crazy. Not understood. Especially from the people you want and need to be loved by the most. You fear being abandoned by your family, friends, lovers... on different levels. For different reasons. For not being enough, for not being as others, for not obeying some weird rules. But tbh, this should be the main reason why they shouldn't lose you. Still, you probably started people pleasing and do as they asked you without blinkin' an eye, so to not give others the chance to leave (spoiler, but you prob. know already: they leave anyway) and to feel loved, so to not feel their anger and disdain on you.
Whatever is the reason/trigger behind your actual fear of abandonment and reaction, the only suggestion is to try and remember your worth in any given moment; to work from a loving place (towards yourself too), to talk with them openly, to show them how much you want whatever you want and believe you can make it, to maybe find compromises with them (if you need to), to go slower than you probably did in your past life (you wanted it all and "now", very likely. You never really considered the possible consequences of your actions/decisions beforehands. Take time to enjoy each step, be steady but do not rush. Get accostumed, let others do the same). Don't be scared to stand up for yourself and disappoint others. Communicate your feelings, all of them. These fears in particular. Ask clearly to be supported instead of being criticized. And talk with yourself about this too. How much do you want that? "You have the key to it all".
song: sweet virginia | the rolling stones
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templegate · 10 months
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While I've seen plenty of criticisms of Outlast for ableism/stigmatizing mental illness (because your enemies are murder-happy asylum inmates), I honestly beg to differ—at least for the most part. For one thing, only a handful of inmates actually attack you. Most of the other patients there are either in shock or just trying to lay low and stay alive through all the chaos going on around them. Even the more proactive of the non-combatant characters, such as the pyro you encounter in the kitchen, are just trying to get out—and their desperation is made to be pretty relatable. Even the boss characters like Chris Walker and Eddie Gluskin were victims of the asylum. For crying out loud, the Whistleblower DLC opens with Eddie getting dragged into the morphogenic engine kicking and screaming and begging for help—it's what solidifies Waylon Park's determination to take down Murkoff. Even when you find Eddie's files later on and see that, yes, he was already a murderer before he wound up in Mount Massive, that also comes with notes about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child and his denial of it. It doesn't excuse his actions—of course it doesn't—but it shows that he didn't become the way he is from nothing. Furthermore, the entire Mount Massive arc focuses so heavily on the theme of abuse of power. The patients are enduring horrific experimentation at the hands of people like Blair and Trager, and that is what sets up the rest of the story. The people running the show are the catalysts for all hell breaking loose—not the patients, who are instead victims of a system that is exploiting them by pushing them past their mental and physical limits, and has no qualms about treating them as replaceable test subjects. They are already sick people thrust into terrifying circumstances. Some of them were already dangerous to begin with, but most of them were not. They were all in a place that was supposed to help them cope with their conditions and rehabilitate, but instead were exploited and had their issues exacerbated by being traumatized further, and that's part of what makes Outlast terrifying.  So yeah, the portrayal of mentally ill people in Outlast isn't phenomenal, sure, but it goes beyond making all the patients out to be horrible monsters. Most of them are just trying to stay out of all the awful shit going on and stay alive without completely breaking down. The games still makes you feel for those people after you see how desperate and terrified a lot of them are, due mainly because of the abuses they have suffered from the people who were supposed to help them.
Anon this is so fascinating cause I agree with you sm. I think all of this stuff is true. From the way I see it Outlast is an attempt to subvert all the other mental asylum horror stories. Which I think adds all this complexity you're talking about. But while I do think it's more nuanced and better written than contemporaries, I don't think they did a good enough job. The "evil asylum" trope is inherently ableist, and stigmatizing. And I do agree the main source of long term horror in the series is from the incredible abuse the patients suffer- it cannot be ignored that the majority of scary moments aren't from the abuse, but from the patients acting violent and "crazy". And yeah it makes sense why they're violent and "crazy" that doesn't change the fact that the average joe schmoe is gonna go through the game and take away the message that mentally ill people are violent, and scary, and mental health facilities are bad and scary. Which- as someone who's been to a psych ward- I find to be a very bad message. They have their issues but stigmatizing them makes it worse. I think Red Barrels realized this, and for the Whistleblower made more of an effort to emphasize the abuse as a front line horror. Jeremy Blaire, the Walrider, The Morphogenic Engine, etc etc. Although the complaints I have still stand. Overall I agree with you that Outlast is a nuanced portrayal of this trope. That point about how not all of the patients are violent, is one of my favorite parts of Outlast. How they're still humans. And that creates some really great moments, like Someones Playing Piano. But as I've said before I still think it's inadequate I really want people to realize that Outlast being a story about systemic abuse where innocent people are victimized, and Outlast relies on ableism to get it's scares- are two statements that can coexist. I think at this point I should just write a paper about outlast
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I dont like the mainstream gaylor reputation theory so I'm making my own.
Reputation starts with so it goes... and not ...ready for it? because reputation is about learning how to let go of fame in order to find love.
1989 was the height of closeted taylor swift and after kissgate (the great war), the relationship between taylor and karlie was never the same. Kissgate showed Karlie that Taylor would always pick fame over her and over time, she grew to resent taylor for it.
So it goes... is a song about how "soulmates" don't exist. The entire song is clouded in funeral imagery and so it goes comes from a book where the literal meaning of it is that "death is a part of life, people die but they live on in your memory so they never really die" because for the tramafladorians (sp?) people are alive and dead all at once and present, past, and future are all experienced at once by the alien species.
The rest of the musical journey you go through is Taylor dealing with the pain of fucking up her relationship with karlie for fame (something that ended up biting her in the ass at the end of the day... she tried so hard to be a good girl and in the end, it didn't matter. She was abused anyways) and figuring out how not let fame get in the way of her new relationship with Joe.
Gorgeous is a meet cute song that originally was born out of fear and worry that she's not what the person is looking for in the end, getaway car is about how she used the media to her advantage to escape the confines of her old life, king of my heart is realizing you're fully committed to this new person and you've come to accept that, dancing with our hands tied is about the anxiety that comes with fame fucking up your relationship born out of kissgate anxiety, dress is talking directly to your partner about the media perceptions of your past relationships, this is why we can't have nice things is about learning how to find genuine people who see the real you and letting go of all the pretenders, call it what you want is about learning to be okay with media perceptions of your relationships because you know the truth, new years day is about finding out what a relationship is actually about and how its showing up to do the mundane things more than the exciting things, ready for it is about asking your partner if they can handle all the fame nonsense and tabloid rumors, end game is realizing that none of your other relationships would have worked out in the end + realizing that you don't actually want them to have worked out anymore, I did something bad is about learning to be okay with people calling you names for being true to who you are and letting them be wrong about you, don't blame me is about learning that there is nothing wrong with the way you love, delicate is about how relationships are delicate and can easily be steered off the road if you're not careful, and look what you made me do is a satirical look back at how hard it was to come to all these revelations but how it was worth it in the end because you became a stronger person for it.
I also think a lot of these songs are about her coming to terms with her sexuality (I go through phases when it comes to love is so bisexual coded I'm mad she left that off gorgeous honestly) as well because there's a whole lot of being okay with being "bad" (in pre-rep taylor, I would say that bad is defined as anything that brings controversial publicity).
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wormworker · 2 years
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Hi, Allistics. (a.k.a. non-Autistic people)
Why is it that, every single time a classroom has an Autistic student, you all, even the teacher, gang up on them & treat them like shit?
I'm sure you didn't know the person you were bullying was Autistic. Because, then, less of you would have bullied them. Supposedly.
Oh, no. You just bullied them & treated them like less than garbage just because they were (harmlessly!) different & because you didn't understand them.
But from my own experiences as an Autistic person, I'm confident in my assumption that a vast majority of people you treat like shit for being "awkward, weird, different" are probably Autistic or are neurodivergent in some way.
But let's pretend for a moment that Autistic people are not oppressed. Just for fun.
Suddenly, does it become okay in everyone's eyes to bully & abuse someone just for being different?
Obviously not.
I also know from my experiences that when you were bullying your Autistic classmates or colleagues, you had no shame. You went home & went to bed at night with no remorse whatsoever.
And I know why. I know why Allistic people find it so easy to abuse Autistic people & with so little regrets about it.
Probably a lot of Autistic people know why.
It's something that non-Autistic people are incapable of understanding.
I could sit here & try to put it in some semblance of words.
I could start citing psychology articles about bullying & mob mentality & the subconscious mind & whatever.
But some things, you cannot put into words.
Some normalized atrocities cannot be described or explained.
Only experienced.
This particular phenomenon is something I mean in specificity to Autistic people.
But I know people from all oppressed groups know it in some sense.
Subconscious bigotry, to put it in a much, much broader term. Microaggressions is probably another word that could label this umbrella of complex trauma.
It's when the oppressor doesn't even know why they are behaving in such an awful way towards the oppressed.
When it just feels "normal" to abuse the oppressed person. Like clockwork. Muscle memory.
"Complex trauma" is the most important term here.
You chip away at us. Scrape by scrape. And then we are the ones who end up with the agony of seeing ourselves in the mirror looking like what's left of a kidney that's shed hundreds of stones, & asking "What happened to me??"
So thanks.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for constantly shredding us to pieces & not even realizing you're doing it.
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sakurasystemstree · 2 years
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Debunking Certain Myths About Plurality
Edit: We'd like to thank @altercourses for correcting some of our misinformation and providing sources, and since then have corrected some things, we are very sorry for the misinformation.
1. Every system has a headspace/innerworld
Nope! Actually, it's quite normal not to. When you find a professional who specializes in helping patients with DID & OSDD function, they actually have practices for creating or finding your headspace. This can be done with a professional, or by yourself with caution. And also, headspaces and innerworlds aren't special to those who are plural, anyone can have one. It's just more common for us so our headmates have places they can go when they aren't fronting.
2. Every system is medically recognized as overt or covert
Yes...But no. Overt and covert labels can be very harmful actually, and aren't use by professionals, they were mostly picked up by the community. That isn't to say they are wrong or bad, but medical professionals do not see a system to be overt or covert, very obvious, or not obvious, it's not that simple to them.
But these labels have been seen to be helpful or interesting by the community, and in that, there is no harm.
3. OSDD-1B and OSDD-1A are medical labels
Actually...No. OSDD-1B and OSDD-1A are not medical labels or terms, in fact, these two aren't even in the DSM, they were later named and found by the OSDD community to differentiate different ways of osdd presenting. As you know, OSDD means Other Specified Dissociative Disorder, otherwise known as a dissociative disorder that may not catch all the symptoms of DID but is pretty close. It is a catch-all. Although the DSM does not ever state OSDD-1A or OSDD-1B, the DSM does give 4 examples of what OSDD can look like. Two of the 4 are what have been named.
So, no, it is not necessary to think or say you have OSDD-1B or 1A, If these labels and distinctions make you feel comfortable go ahead, but others should know, these really aren't important to anyone but the OSDD haver themselves.
The DSM itself.
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4. DID & what counts as amnesia
You do not need to have full blackouts like media says to qualify for DID, these things actually aren't as common as they may sound amongst DID havers. Here's a great video about what dissociative amnesia can look like if you think you experience it.
Edit; I had quite the misinformation here, there has been a wonderful reblog you can find on my blog made my @/altercourses please go read it they corrected and made some very important points I would not like to copy and discredit to them!
5. Only certain traumas can result in having DID/OSDD (sexual abuse, physical)
Well...No. That isn't true and the DSM does not inherently ever state that those are the only way an unstable sense of self with parts can exist. The only thing it ever states is if it is long-term childhood abuse, that could cause this disorder to happen. Long-term abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, can come from natural disasters, troubles at birth, etc.
6. You can't be aware of being a system on your own
Ah...You see, making this claim doesn't really make sense to me. That's like saying people with psychosis can't be aware that they are experiencing a delusion, or people who feel depressed for a long amount of time cannot recognize that they have chronic depression. While the popular claim of people do not realize that they might have DID or OSDD until they are well into adulthood or in their 30s is not false, It's fairly common and normal to suspect yourself of having a disorder even if others don't suspect it first, you know yourself better before anyone else does, and just because DID/OSDD is supposed to be hidden from everyone not just including but especially for the host, it's very possible.
7. You always know who's fronting or who you are
Perhaps this is true in some people, that's totally cool! But it's normal and perfectly fine to be blurry or not be able to put names or labels to yourself sometimes. It doesn't need to be this way, let's erase the stigma of this. The Rings System has some great videos on this.
8. Fusion and integration are the same
We must look at what integration and fusion actually mean. Integration means bringing down the dissociative barriers and things that separate the system, making it easier to work together and bring everyone closer together, but this has nothing to do with becoming one! Just improving communication and functioning together. It can sometimes even seem like you are on the same wavelength, which is good.
This often gets mistaken with fusion. A lot of people with plurality say they do not want to integrate, because they mistake integration for fusion! Fusion is actually what you're thinking of. Fusion is the practice of bringing all parts and fragments together to make the failed self at childhood, a whole one person.
While some systems find that fusion, or just merging some parts together is their goal, other systems work towards integration and communication instead, and the professional you're working with should have a positive mindset on both if you work with one.
It's very normal for systems to want to be more distinct or work on themselves separately, or work on getting along as a collective instead of wanting to be one.
9. Endogenic systems are an excuse for hardcore, or no double, "kinnies"
System ≠ kinning. We are not the same, of course, you can be both, but being a system is different. No system I have ever met has not been alright with seeing someone similar to them, or the fictives I know have no issue with seeing another fictive of their source, and if they do, they usually handle it respectively. You are talking about a specific person or a very small amount of people here, and I promise you all plural people don't operate that way, although I do not doubt that it does look like a fine line to the average person.
Also, kinnie can be very offensive to otherkin and therian people, please, let us not use this term regarding those people, or systems.
I tried to list sources for some of my most important claims, but if you want sources for other things, or you believe something is wrong, do not be afraid to correct us on it or send us an ask!
As always,
The (White) Sakura System 🌸
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nikadoesanart · 3 years
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Will Jouno assist Fukuchi?
In ch 92, Fukuchi shows Bram to Jouno (though I'd say introduce would be a better way to describe it cause Jouno's blind but minor inconsequential details) and reveals that he is the mastermind behind the Agency being framed and asks Jouno to help him. Personally, I think that Jouno is just a bit more likely to form some kind of alliance with Fukuchi but not necessarily a full-on partnership, much less to the point where it'd be considered working more with Fukuchi as Kamui of the DOA than helping Fukuchi as Fukuchi himself or as the commander of the HD.
Also, I am using @buraihatranslations translation of ch 92, so that's where my exact phrasing for quotations and page counts are coming from. You can read the full translation here.
The main context of our focus
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“I’m the mastermind. Jouno, wouldn’t you like to assist me?” (p 19)
For starters, I don’t think Fukuchi is being a reckless idiot for saying this. Considering that he's literally Kamui, he obviously must’ve considered this as a calculated but worthwhile risk to take. As I’ve previously mentioned in my ch 89.5 cover art analysis, Jouno is the most on the fence of the HD in terms of supporting Fukuchi vs believing in the Agency’s innocence. In fact, as we learned in 92, he simply doesn’t care and can therefore be considered a (nearly) neutral party. Jouno is also basically a living breathing lie detector, so he can tell apart the likes of jokes and lies from the truth very easily. Jouno also cares primarily about being able to hear his victim’s suffering, regardless of who’s right or wrong or innocent or guilty (as he’s told Aya). It logically just makes the most sense for Fukuchi to try to get Jouno on his side out of all the HD because :
Teruko is a simp for Fukuchi but she still cares about civilians and being able to take pride in her job as an officer (Sky Casino)
Tachihara has already clearly established his doubts in the ADA being guilty in front of all of the HD (ch 89) and told Fukuchi that he sees himself as more Mafia than HD now (ch 89.5)
Tecchou has a very strong sense of justice and cares about fairness, so asking him to quite literally join the side of the terrorists would never work out and would essentially be a waste of both time and possibly personnel too
What does Jouno personally want?
As I've already briefly touched on (and presumably you already read ch 92 before this), Jouno has already stated his goals, which gives us a good sense of where he stands morally.
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“I just want to hear the voice of someone’s suffering.” (p 9)
“To hurt people under the name of the law[,] corner them and hear their “sound” as they break.” (p 10)
Now that we’ve more than established that Jouno is in fact, a sadist, I do want to emphasize Jouno’s mention of the law. Not only does he enjoy making people suffer (specifically psychologically, as he’s mentioned before), but he specifically mentions that he wants to do it “under/in the name of the law”, meaning that he likely either only wants to do it in a “justifiable”/“excusable” way or that he doesn’t want or plan to be held accountable for his actions (or worse, both). Until we get a backstory reveal, there could be any number of reasons for him being this way. I think it’s fairly likely that he’s from a similar situation to Fukuchi (took part in the Great War, and the mental scarring of everything he experienced then caused him to find some sort of extreme and inhumane goal or enjoyment to cope with it all). So for example, he could have been drafted for the War because he’s an ability user (or maybe he already happened to be in some sort of training where he received recognition for his skills, ie. the military academy or part of a renowned dojo) and eventually that led him to become a sadist because coping mechanism or discovering that he’s a sadist because of some extreme circumstances (ie. having to interrogate a prisoner for the first time and realizing how much he enjoyed giving and hearing the psychological torture).
Example of Jouno's excuses and justification
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“I was just asking suspects for cooperation!”
“Then do it after they sign the consent form for judicial transaction. Otherwise, it’s not justice.” (p 12)
On one hand, we have Jouno who is very quick to make excuses for his actions by using his position as an officer to justify his behavior. Despite knowingly and intentionally using extreme measures, beyond what's necessary for the situation, he's using the law and his job to try to justify it. (If you're seeing some real-world parallels here, good job!)
On the other hand, we have Tecchou who very clearly values actual justice that is fair to all parties (as we’ve seen previously with him promising the cafe owner that the ADA will get a fair trial at the very least in ch 72). In fact, I think it’d be safe to say that Tecchou is the one that values impartial justice and fairness the most out of the HD, but that's not the focus here.
Parallelisms and which other organizations would suit him and his goals
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(p 15-16)
For starters, Jouno appears to be on the side that believes that the ADA is a part of/affiliated with the DOA (if I’m not reading this wrong)
Also, I’d like to highlight him saying:
“ ‘Our tastes match’, if I should say. The abusive nature. To be honest, I’m almost empathetic. If we happen to lose this battle, I wouldn’t mind reemploying to their side. Not to say that we wouldn’t possibly lose.”
Jouno has no doubt in the strength of the HD but also just wants to be on the abusively cruel side dishing out the suffering. If he’s able to use his position to excuse his actions (ie. what he said about Aya just a few pages ago), then that’s even better for him. The ADA has an ability permit and currently ⅓ of the police force is siding with them and believes in their innocence. Joining the ADA next, should the HD lose, would be the most advantageous for him, if the allegations of them being abusively cruel terrorists were true.
In my opinion, his actual next best organization to join, based on his interests and goals so far as well as his own methods, would be the PM. They have an ability permit too and he’d have just as many chances to be either on the front lines and/or work with the interrogation team. With what his goals has revealed about his moral code, he’s just more cut out for the nature and surface level goals of the PM than the ADA. In fact, Dazai has already admitted to the two of them being alike (which we as the readers can deduce is for their methods in manipulation and interrogation) and Dazai has previously mentioned that he’d sometimes have to come in and help Kouyou’s interrogation team with the job (ch 19). Jouno joining the PM could be a very easy transition, should he stop caring about doing things “under the name of the law” (p 10). However, there is a loophole with the PM being a part of the tripartite tactic, of which the whole goal is to protect Yokohama. Both we as the readers and the members of the ADA know that despite their methods, the PM does in fact care about upholding the overall peace and safety of Yokohama. The reason why he jokes about joining the ADA and makes no mention of the PM (at least in my opinion), is because before all of this, to the public eye, the ADA was one of the “good guys” that were upholding the law whereas the PM is quite literally the mafia. (I touch on this part too in my ch 89.5 cover art analysis.)
Back to answering Fukuchi's question now
I feel like Jouno is ever so slightly more likely to form some kind of alliance with Fukuchi as Kamui but not straight up joining the DOA/allying with the DOA as a whole because again, Jouno is very much sadistic but he also specifically tells Aya (a possible hostage and a confirmed supporter of the ADA) that he specifically wants to “to hurt people under the name of the law” (p 10). Fully siding with the DOA and Kamui would mean that he’d no longer be working under the protection of the law, by any extent, unless Fukuchi were to create some kind of excuse as the commander of the HD (ie. Jouno was under the control of the vampirism). He might work with Fukuchi but I don’t think he’d work with or for Kamui. Either way, I think that overall it’s a very close tie.
In short:
If he says yes then he’d risk not having the law to protect him any longer, which is a part of what he clearly wants to have. The only way around this is some sort of agreement where Fukuchi will create a believable excuse for Jouno helping or he does it in a very indirect way that won't be noticed by others or can easily be played off as some sort of coincidence.
If he says no, he’d likely have to go up against Fukuchi and Bram and risk getting turned as well. I doubt he’d be killed since that would raise too many questions with Tecchou and Teruko, and thanks to Tachihara’s fight, I’d say it’s all been explicitly stated that still being alive is a part of the requirements to be turned into a vampire. When Tachihara tried to off himself as a last resort, specifically to stop Fukuchi and Bram from turning him into a vampire, Fukuchi personally prevented that from happening (ch 90).
Jouno has established that he just wants to hear the sound of people suffering (which Fukuchi would probably have learned of or figured out by now, considering that he’s the commanding officer here), which can be achieved from quite literally any side. However, his condition to this is doing it "under the name of the law", so being on a side that has the law’s protection and works on the front lines is where he’d be closest to achieving this with minimal risk (so realistically the HD or ADA). I doubt Jouno would have any interest in joining the Special Division because I doubt he’d get to do much interrogating or front-line work there, in addition to him having less of an excuse for his cruel methods, and I've already gone over why he'd rather join the ADA than the PM.
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spikeface · 3 years
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rambling about taking pain on teen wolf
I’m 99.999% sure that the writers just used and described this phenomenon however it was expedient for them at the time, but in the spirit of turning it into a somewhat cohesive canon, I’ve been thinking about the evolution of the show’s understanding of what it means, and especially what that means for Theo’s, and to a lesser extent Stiles’, emotional growth.
The phenomenon is first introduced by Deaton, who frames it as a form of painless generosity (“Battlefield”):
DEATON: I know you're well aware of what your new abilities can do for you: improved strength, speed, and healing. You ever wonder what it could do for others?
He doesn’t claim it will do anything but take a little of a dying dog’s pain, but says that that gesture is significant (“a little can make quite a difference”). Incidentally, he is also making boys with abusive fathers/Alphas weep at the realization that they can use their power over small creatures in kind and nurturing ways, because that’s exactly the kind of teacher/father figure Deaton is.
Next up in pain-taking-teaching is Peter, who frames the exact same phenomenon as the pained person taking something from the one helping them (“Alpha Pact”):
PETER: It's that spark of power that makes you an Alpha. When you take her pain, she draws on the power that provides you with those special gifts: the power that heightens your senses, your strength; the power that transforms your body.
Everything for Peter is framed in terms of power and transaction, and crucially, it’s a zero sum game (this is also very similar to the Desert Wolf’s perspective on motherhood in “Apotheosis:” “Talia said it was a gift, that the coyote passes down part of her power to her daughter... I call it ‘theft.’”). Part of Derek’s evolution is not to reject Peter’s framework, but to reject his conclusion. He understands it as giving up power, but doesn’t care about power anymore; he wants to save his sister.
Then, in season 5, Deucalion uses taking pain as a way to consume someone else’s power. This is fascinating! Deucalion has inverted another traditional werewolf thing. He’s made a pack of Alphas, destroyed Betas instead of creating them, and now he turns taking pain into a way to take power instead of giving it up. I think this is why we only ever see Deucalion describe taking pain like this. Unsurprisingly, Theo seems to be his only student, and he understands it “perfectly,” since Theo, like Deucalion, is used to breaking the rules/norms of the supernatural world. It’s very significant to me that Theo subsequently takes pain from Josh, Tracy, and even the Beast. The boy can do it! He just does it in this toxic way that represents everything awful about his pre-Hell outlook on life.
Because, of course, after he comes back, Theo can’t anymore. Mason sees this and claims that it’s because Theo doesn’t care--and certainly, caring seems to be fundamental when Deaton introduces it. That’s why, I think, Isaac does it before anyone has explained the phenomenon (Deaton and Scott only explain afterwards); he wants this dog not to be in pain, so he automatically takes it. But! Crucially! Mason is wrong; caring is not required. Theo has taken pain before, and it wasn’t from a place of empathy.
I think Theo is unable to take pain from Mason post-Hell because he only understands taking pain in this toxic way still, and he’s genuinely trying to move away from it. I imagine him thinking to himself, “Okay, Theo, you got this. Just take pain. Don’t do it as part of this lethal consumption of everything Mason is. Don’t eat this boy who represents everything you’re not, the Doctors’ greatest success, at one point the Beast himself. Don’t. Do. It.” 
And, of course, nada. This means, ironically, that Theo can’t take pain anymore not because he doesn’t care but because he does -- he’s trying not to hurt Mason, which is the only way he’s used taking pain before. This shifts Theo’s arc, but to one that I think makes more sense for him. Theo has, imo, always cared--always wanted a pack, and human connection--just in a toxic, destructive way. His redemption arc is learning not to care but how to care, and that’s bound up in learning how to use his skills, which he previously used to hurt people, to help them instead. This fits his friendship with Liam, where he learns to use his ability to manipulate to walk Liam back from the ledge of his anger (when Liam is about to kill Gabe), and use his previously weaponized understanding of the human psyche to helpfully explain to Liam how his fear converts to anger and how emotional triggers work (at the zoo). By the end, Theo has learned how to use his powers for good, essentially, and is in a place where he can confidently take pain from Gabe without also consuming him. Gabe is a fitting recipient for this because, like Theo, he also cares very deeply--he does try to help Nolan--but his caring is ultimately (self-)destructive and doomed.
The last way we see taking pain come up is as a way to spark the healing process, which reverses the initial catalyst for it: causing more pain. Causing pain, it seems, does actually spark the healing process, as we learn from people steeped in old guard werewolf knowledge like Derek and Noshiko. But! That’s not the only way of doing things, and it might not work if the person is already in overwhelming pain. The first person to stumble upon this is Malia, who comes up with it all on her own as a way to help Corey (in “Lie Ability”). This is a fitting symbolic move for Malia, who has been left to come up with her own approach to life as the abandoned orphan of two very toxic parents. In her worst moments, she turns to violence that would make her parents proud. In her best, she thinks of, with almost no awareness of the context, creative alternatives to traditional ways of doing things.
The second instance of taking pain as a catalyst for healing is with Hayden and Liam, after Liam has been hurt by the Beast (“Maid of Gevaudan”). At that point, Stiles represents the old guard knowledge:
STILES: Okay, okay. Okay. Scott did this with pain. He could trigger it. Uh... pain makes you human. HAYDEN: He's already in pain! STILES: Right! Okay, but maybe adding a little more could help take away the pain?
I love Hayden for hearing that advice and immediately rejecting it. Here, Liam and Hayden recall Allison and Scott and the general theme of season one. Allison rejects almost all traditional Argent wisdom in loving Scott. Here, Hayden rejects traditional werewolf wisdom in loving Liam. Causing Liam pain to help him when he’s already in overwhelming agony sounds dumb! She’s going to take pain away instead--and it works! Turns out, some traditions are limiting or even bad and the kids will come up with new, better ways of doing things!
What I really love about this moment is that the old way of doing things is represented here by Stiles, who indirectly quotes Derek’s most destructive philosophy when he says, “Pain makes you human.” Stiles’ entire approach to life is almost always about causing and feeling pain with, I think, largely good intentions. Like the cause-pain-to-start-healing idea, this can work! His willingness to hurt himself and others helps him be brave, and protect people, and make hard decisions he thinks are necessary. But causing pain won’t help anyone past a certain point, when someone is already in a lot of it, and nowhere is this more evident than in Stiles’ arc in season 5. 
Stiles starts that season in a lot of pain, most of which imho stems from the nogitsune (which also presented a funhouse mirror version of siphoning pain where the nogitsune “ate” the pain instead, which Stiles experienced). Stiles’ paranoia about Theo and angst about Scott trusting him is, to me, a sign that Stiles is very much not healed from the events of 3b, where Stiles watched (and was forced to enjoy) Scott trusting the nogitsune and paying for it with a sword twisting in his guts and that pain-eating. His explosive “you trust everyone!” is really about how Scott trusted Stiles when he shouldn’t have (because he was the nogitsune), though Stiles can’t bring himself to say that for many reasons. Most of his distrust of Theo, I think, can be explained by the nogitsune--Stiles claims, after all, that Theo “isn’t Theo,” the same way Stiles wasn’t Stiles when he was the nogitsune. 
But Stiles’ response to his pain from the nogitsune is to lash out at himself and others, which helps exactly no one. In season 5, Stiles is now constantly presented with the lesson that hurting himself and others ultimately won’t help heal anyone, especially himself. He lashes out at seemingly-innocent Theo and it doesn’t help. He hurts his hand and it doesn’t help. He hurts his car and it doesn’t help. He beats Theo up and it doesn’t help. He hurts Scott at the hospital and it doesn’t help. Like Theo, Stiles is in a self-destructive tailspin, where tactics that have worked before are only driving him further and further into isolation and darkness (tempered only by Scott’s endless forgiveness and his father’s blind love, a topic for another day). The climax for this is, for me, when he’s trying to find Lydia in the tunnels with Theo (in “Lie Ability”). Stiles is doing a fantastic job of hurting Theo (who, to be fair, is a little punk who deserves it!), but is forced to realize that unless he quits that and actually does something constructive with Theo, Lydia is going to die. 
But I don’t think he really understands what he’s doing, or conceives of any alternative to it, until the moment with Liam and Hayden, where he essentially voices his philosophy for the first time: pain defines being human as opposed to a werewolf (a sentiment that recalls his rant to Scott about being human), and causing pain is helpful. Stiles watches Hayden reject this, and sees how taking pain away is a much better way to initiate healing. After an initial smile at Hayden’s success, Stiles’ expression, even as he makes a joke about doing things differently (“I’ll kiss him next time”) is extremely morose (see below), as he realizes, for I think the first time, that he’s going to have to find a better way of doing things or he’s just going to be causing more pain. I think this arc is part of what causes him to work with Peter in season 6, after naming him as the epitome of irredeemable evil in season 5.
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I stumbled across an interesting article the other day that was quite eye-opening:
Now, I am aware I have issues, and those issues stem from receiving verbal and emotional abuse from one of my parents from childhood even through my college years, and a little bit past that. Nearly 2/3rds of my life, to be honest. I am still attempting to heal but it's not easy, not in the slightest.
Reading through the article reminded me of two things:
I am not alone and LOTS of people endured emotional and verbal abuse while growing up (as well as other kinds of abuse in some cases).
I can see exactly why it's such a challenge to overcome these mental and emotional scars because I have a bunch of issues.
In case you don't want to read the whole article or just want a quick reference right here without having to go back and forth, this is a sort of summary version of the list (based on my interpretations). I bolded everything that applies to me and...well, you'll see:
Blaming yourself or taking the blame for other people's actions/behaviors.
Overthinking due to immense self-doubt.
Expecting perfection from yourself and setting unrealistic goals because of it.
Believing your problems don't matter when compared to everyone else's.
Bottling up your emotions.
Afraid to try anything new out of fear of disappointing friends and family.
Anger issues as a result of anger being directed at you as a child.
Putting on a brave face and acting like you're untouchable and unbreakable to convince others and yourself (temporarily) that you have it together (which is a lie).
Flinching when people try to touch you (in a friendly manner, like a hug or pat on the back) or when someone raises their voice (kind of like a form of PTSD from your childhood abuse).
Belittling, insulting, and/or scolding yourself for being emotional.
Fear of abandonment (including fear of people dying and leaving you).
Always/often saying, "yes," to everyone out of fear of getting into trouble (fear of conflict/confrontation due to past abuse).
Relying on others to assure you whether or not you're making the right decisions.
Shutting down emotionally when anyone raises their voice to you.
Social awkwardness: being too shy and anxious or being too friendly and giddy when it comes to meeting new people.
Whenever you find yourself in an argument or even if someone just raises their voice (maybe not even at you), you immediately feel like cowering out of fear.
Talking fast and over-explaining due to being ignored, ridiculed, and/or talked over by your parents/family.
Fear of growing close to anyone (be it as a friend or as a romantic partner) due to abuse and betrayal from parents/family while growing up. So, you're often lonely but afraid to reach out to anyone out of fear of being mistreated.
Remaining quiet in conversations and/or refusing to start conversations due to being mistreated for speaking up as a child.
Fear of authority, worrying if even a simple talk with your teacher or boss may be the result of you being in some sort of trouble. So, those with "power" remind you of your abusive parents, who had power over you and abused that power regularly.
Well, 19 out of 20. That's... a lot.
It's scary to see just how much I'm dealing with (and have dealt with most of my life) mentally and emotionally all because one of the two people I expected to love me unconditionally chose to be a terrible, overbearing, short-tempered parent.
This is one of the many reasons why I think women who want to get tubal surgery should be allowed to without hitting so many roadblocks. Don't come at me with religious beliefs of physicians, or "some women regret it, so you might, too!" or "you haven't had kids so you don't know the joy!"
I. Don't. Want. Kids.
I'm selfish, ok? I like money, like my free time, like sleeping in and napping, like being able to go where I want and when I want, want to be able to travel to goddamn Japan someday without having kids dragging me down the whole way there, I love gaming and want to keep getting the best gaming PCs I can afford...
I mean, at least I -- and other women who want to have tubal surgery -- are being responsible and realizing that parenting isn't for us and it's not fair to just put unwanted children into the adoption system time and time again. I'd rather be safe than sorry, you know?
And the same goes for other types of birth control. Women shouldn't be shamed for wanting such things, although it does still happen. I realize that parenting isn't for me and I'd be an awful parent -- not on purpose, mind you, but I'm too anxious, depressed, yet goal-oriented and self-indulgent to be a good parent. So, wanting long-term or even permanent birth control is a very responsible decision, I think. I'm avoiding a problem that doesn't need to happen if that makes sense.
But the article also made me realize something else, and it's based on what read and learned over the years:
You don't need to apologize to anyone for your existence, nor do you need to explain yourself to everyone who questions every detail about you. You are you, you have your privacy, you have your personal issues to deal with, and you don't owe nosy people anything.
You need to take care of yourself, and if anyone tries to get in the way and make you feel uncomfortable, then you need to avoid them because they aren't going to make things any easier for you. I'm much more aware now of how people are, and I now avoid interacting with those who display abusive/toxic traits like that of my one parent. I don't need more of that kind of crap in my life, certainly not from strangers who may claim to be a friend or my boyfriend or whatever.
No, I am me, I can be me, and I don't need anyone else trying to take their problems out on me. I hope others also realize this, that they don't need to be someone's punching bag (verbally or physically or both), and that it's not your fault if you were abused: the abuser is to blame, no matter what the excuses are. You are not responsible for an abuser's behavior, care, or past. Abusers need to help themselves and you need to help you.
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mbti-notes · 4 years
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Hi. thank you for writing this blog, you're really helpful. I'm sorry if my question is weird. I'm physically unattractive and people often comment/mocking my looks. because I was a very sensitive kid, I withdraw from people and become really introverted. now I'm in college but my communication skill got worse. when classmates talk to me, my mind went blank and I always need seconds to answer. I want to know what's wrong in my thinking, is it because I can't accept the reality of my looks?
Not a weird question at all. No child deserves to be mistreated and I’m sorry that you had to go through the bullying. There are two main issues that I think you need to address: 1) the residual effects of being bullied, and 2) your standards for evaluating the worth of people, including yourself. 
1) People get bullied for all kinds of things. It’s missing the point to try to compare what kind of bullying is worse than others. The most important point, in terms of psychological health, is your subjective experience of the bullying and whether it had a significantly negative impact upon your well-being. In children, the experience of constant bullying is a recognized form of psychological trauma. 
When people experience emotional trauma, the way that they perceive and assess situations changes. It has to. All human beings have a survival instinct. When you live your life experiencing constant threats, it is normal and rational for the mind to find ways of protecting itself. Therefore, bullied children are much more likely to feel fearful, anxious, and/or defensive in social situations, since most of their social learning took place in situations that were legitimately threatening, hurtful, and painful for them. Unfortunately, fearful, anxious, or defensive behavior tends to get worse over time and causes problems in life when the original trauma is never properly addressed and resolved. This is why bullied children are more likely to struggle with mental disorders as well as socialization and relationship problems later in life.
Children need care, love, and affection to thrive, but many are thrust into bad situations, and it’s not their fault. As a child, you barely know up from down, so you can’t be expected to know how to fend for yourself in very negative social situations. Try to look at your situation more objectively. Imagine that, today, you were walking down the street and you witnessed somebody bullying a young child about their looks. How would that make you feel? Would you join the bully and ridicule the child, believing that the “ugly” child is worthless and deserves it? A sensitive person is capable of empathy, so I doubt that you’d want to be the bully. An empathetic person would immediately know that the child was being mistreated and want to stop the bully, would they not? A bully wants power over people, and their greatest success is to teach you how to bully yourself. Not only do they make you feel like shit by calling you ugly, they also gain complete control over you once they convince you to call yourself ugly, for the rest of your life. To be more objective, look upon your childhood self not through the disdainful eyes of your bullies but rather through the empathetic eyes of the good person that you are. You didn’t deserve to be bullied. You deserved to be loved. You deserve love.
Everybody needs to go through level 2 ego development in terms of learning how to adapt well to their social environment. If your social environment is loving and full of affection, you’re going to learn that the world is a safe and positive place, so you’ll naturally feel confident in navigating it. If your social environment is threatening and painful, you’re going to learn that the world is a frightening place, so you’ll naturally feel unsafe and insecure in most situations. As a child, you had to adapt to a negative social environment as best as a child could. From being bullied, you “learned” again and again that physically “beautiful” people get praised and physically “ugly” people get scorned. Since you were repeatedly called “ugly”, you’ve come to expect that people will scorn you, and you might even start to unconsciously attract people who confirm your distrustful worldview. Bullying is always worse for children because they have no preexisting knowledge of how to cope with it. The early adaptations that you learn in childhood tend to stay with you because they serve as your “default” mode. Whenever you feel a little bit stressed by a social situation, your psychology tends to “regress” to those early adaptations, even when the present situation poses no objective threat to you. It’s a mental reflex, aka a defense mechanism.
There’s a lot of debate in the psychological community about whether it’s possible to rid the brain of traumatic memories. However, even if you take the most pessimistic position of believing that childhood trauma is written into the brain and stays with you forever, that doesn’t mean nothing can be done about it. If you are able to improve your awareness and understanding of the many ways that your past trauma has impacted your cognitive, emotional, and behavioral patterns, you can then implement some practical strategies for disengaging your past adaptations, i.e., you can learn healthier coping mechanisms instead of allowing your “default” mode to run the show all the time. This is generally what they teach you in cognitive-behavioral therapy. A lot of people are in therapy to try to make sense of past trauma or abuse.
For example: You’re talking to someone new, and you suddenly freeze up. Why did you freeze up? What’s going on? Time to reflect on yourself honestly. Chances are, you are afraid. Based on your past experience, perhaps you’re afraid of trusting this new person only to have them turn around and mock you, and then you’re instantly that hurt kid again. It is a perfectly reasonable fear to have because you have experienced it several times before. Humans are considered smart for being able to learn from their past experience. Once you’re aware of the fear and its source and able to accept it as legitimate, then you have a chance to implement a better coping strategy. Perhaps you take a deep breath and remind yourself that this new person is not the old bully of your past. Remind yourself to give this new person the benefit of the doubt. You can’t develop a good relationship without giving a little trust and being positive. A lot of people can overlook physically unattractive features once they see a nice personality, but it’s a lot harder to overlook a negative and distrustful attitude. Another way to cope better is to work on your people skills and communication skills, which will help boost your confidence.
2) Beauty has a very important place in human psychology. Without connection to beauty, people wouldn’t be able to access all the good, positive, wonderful, and sublime things about being alive. I would never downplay the importance of beauty; however, the fact is that most people’s concept of beauty is superficial and wrong. For a lot of people, beauty is merely about ego: comparing and contrasting, competition and jealousy, self-harm and violence. If beauty is meant to be a human good, then why does it drive people to be their worst selves? There’s something rotten going on. True beauty is NOT about whether you are more/less beautiful than, it’s about nurturing the ability to see the best side of everything in the world. Not many people nurture this ability in themselves. If you did, you’d never ever call yourself ugly, because everything in this world has some beauty in it. If you aren’t able to see it, then the problem lies in your own perception, not the object itself.
Human brains are built to process information about physical appearance very quickly. This cannot be helped. We all make snap judgments based on physical appearance because this ability was very useful for human survival. However, human beings also have the capacity to reflect on the veracity of their snap judgments as well as the intelligence to realize that outward appearance and inner qualities are two different things. Failure to use one’s higher intelligence means remaining very hasty and shallow in judgment. To be shallow isn’t just to care about appearances, because we are all primed to care about appearances, it’s to take appearances as the only/primary standard for JUDGING someone’s WORTH. Shallow people easily become bullies when they feel the need to elevate themselves socially by putting others down. All you have to do is read through comment sections on gossip pages to know that no one is immune to having their appearance mocked, not even beautiful celebrities or supermodels. No matter how objectively beautiful you are, there’s a shallow person out there ready and willing to pick you apart, for their own egotistical reasons. The fact of the matter is that there are lots of shallow people in this world. There’s no avoiding them, there’s no wishing them away, but you can always render their judgments meaningless, and thus very easy to ignore. 
Be brutally honest with yourself, would you rather use the criterion of “physical beauty” or the criterion of “good moral character” to choose a mate/friend for yourself? I’m not saying that the two criteria are mutually exclusive, I’m simply asking which one is more important to you. If you say “physical beauty”, then you must count yourself as one of the shallow people. And if you are shallow, you’re going to care a lot about what other shallow people think. By being shallow yourself, you’re doomed to judging yourself through the eyes of a shallow person - you. If you say “good moral character”, then congratulations, because you understand what really counts for creating a successful relationship. It takes someone of good moral character to recognize another, and when you have good moral character and prioritize it, it’s easy enough to see through shallow people and their meaningless judgments. If you surround yourself with people of good moral character - people who are capable of appreciating you for the good person you are and vice versa - you will exist in a very different social space, a place where shallow people can never get any real foothold.
Many people make the mistake of thinking that they need to be beautiful to be loved. Makes no sense. When you focus only on physical beauty, you turn people into mere objects, and, worse, you turn yourself into a mere object and allow others to treat you as such. Genuine feelings of love don’t come from physical beauty, they come from deep within the heart. What is it that you really want from people? Do you want them to praise your face and body? Is it going to make your life meaningful and fulfilled in the long run? No, because what people really want is love. To experience love, you must be a good person who is capable of love, and then you will have the ability to spot good people who are capable of loving you. If you are not even capable of loving yourself and seeing the beauty in yourself, how can you ask others to? If you are not capable of loving people and seeing the beauty in them, what kind of people will you attract and who would want to be around you?
You are not a passive player in social situations. Children who are bullied often feel passive and helpless for good reason, but that doesn’t have to be the case for the rest of your life, does it? You get to choose your attitude towards socializing (whether to trust or distrust), you get to choose how to engage with people (whether to focus on outer or inner qualities), you get to choose what sorts of people to engage with (shallow or kind), you get to choose who to keep as your long term friends (those who praise your looks or those who appreciate your true beauty). When you always default to the old lessons you learned from childhood trauma, you’ve essentially given up the power to choose, thus remaining a victim indefinitely, trembling in fear in every social interaction. And if the only standard you have for navigating social situations is the “physical beauty” standard that shallow people told you should be elevated as the most important human quality, you’re going to live a very shallow existence, devoid of love, because you’re not using the right standards in your approach to relationships. Do you want to think in the same way that the bully taught you, or do you want to have your own way of looking at the beauty in the world and trust in yourself?
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dxmedstudent · 5 years
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Sorry for the question, but you're like the older sister I don't have... My main problem is this: I'm 23, in my last year of med school and I have 0 experience in love. Never had crushes, or kisses, or anything sexual. I'm not gorgeous but neither ugly, just plain and with a terrible case of resting bitch face. It's not that I'm a recluse at home: I go to uni, study at the library, go swimming twice a week, go out with my friends... [1/3]
Yet nobody is interested in me, and at the same time I'm not interested in anybody... And yet I still crave affection. I was watching a movie earlier and the parents of the protagonist die. I felt a sudden, deep sadness mixed with loneliness because I realized that if my parents were to die, I would be completely alone because yes I have friends, but I really have a strong connection with my parents, I don't have anyone else I trust like I trust them...I really don't know what to do or think, because I consciously know that everybody has their own time and their priorities (mine is to graduate med school) but I really, really feel abnormal because in social situations, when my friends talk about their relationship troubles or their exes, I simply stay silent because I have nothing to contribute... I don't even know what I want with this ask, but I just needed to let this off my chest... Thank you for reading.
Hey, friend. There is no need to apologise! I’m always here to listen if it will make you feel better. You aren’t abnormal, just because you’re experiencing life differently to your friends. Everyone experiences life differently, including romance and sexual attraction. It sounds like you feel left out of discussion, particularly as you don’t feel you can add something due to your lack of experience. You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, and it’s perfectly legitimate for you to just not be interested in them at all. There’s a huge pressure on young people to be in relationships or out there having sex, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. You don’t have to have experiences to talk about these things; I was giving relationship advice long before I had one of my own. You don’t have to earn the right to talk about these things, if they do interest you, either. You sound like a perfectly normal person; most of us look average; I certainly would never describe myself as stunning. Of the happiest married people I know, I wouldn’t say they are the most conventionally attractive, but that doesn’t matter to your partners. So I want you to know that your looks are not a problem. You say people aren’t interested in you, but I do wonder if it’s because it’s not something you’re interested in, and therefore the vibes you give reflect that. I’m pretty sure I’ve given ‘do not disturb vibes’ like that during busy, stressful parts of my life when romance was the last thing on my mind. Likewise, even when I’ve tried to make friends, I could spot the people a mile off who just... aren’t interesed in getting to know anyone, thank you very much. When you’re open to meeting new people, and actively engaging with people with forming relationships (whether friendship or romance/sexual relationships) as an option, it feels different. But, friend, what I’m hearing from you  - correct me if I’m reading it wrong - is that you perhaps don’t feel a desire to form romantic relationships, or a sexual attraction to people, that you know of. Have you ever considered that you might be part of the aromantic/asexual spectrum?  Sometimes it helps for us to consider where on the spectrum of sexuality we stand; there’s no right answer, only what feels right to you. Not only are some people asexual or aromantic, some people are demi or gray - they experience attraction under more specific circumstances; say, after a bond has been formed, or maybe just more rarely. I don’t know if this is something you’ve ever considered? Have you ever chatted to someone about it? What you’re prioritising at that point also matters; even the people I know who are definitely not aro/ace or demi/grey can go years without pursuing relationships if they are preoccupied or demoralised. I certainly have; a combination of rarely meeting people that ‘clicked’, but also just focusing on other things. But although that may be a part of it for you, it sounds like sexual attraction or relationships may not be something you feel a craving for, or being drawn to. Only you will know, so if that doesn’t feel like it describes you, then it doesn’t.
I’m gonna share something very personal with you, that few people know about me IRL: I’ve never had many crushes; it always seemed to me that other girls were always fiercely crushing. It didn’t help that I had a knack for the unrequited more often than not.  I considered the possibility of being somewhere on the demi/grey spectrum, but really it doesn’ matter; I’m me, and it doesn’t matter if I fall in love once or 100 times, what matters is the connections I make when I make them. I think it has a lot to do with my faceblindness; when your brain finds it hard to remember faces, I wonder if crushes just work differently. Mainly, it becomes more of a problem if you just don’t meet many people, so you can counter it by trying to cast the net a bit wider.  Lots of activities are fulfilling but not social; libraries and hanging out with friends are wonderful, but neither necessarily involve meeting new people who you might click with. If you want to meet people, I’d recommend either clubs and social activities you like, or something like online dating. I realised that I just wasn’t meeting many new people through friends or at work, and most of those people were taken, and I liked very few people. When you open it up to something like online dating, there’s the potential to talk to (and eventually meet) lots of people, so it increases your chance of getting to know or be attracted to someone you like, if you find that’s a rare event for you. If you need to get to know people to feel attracted, then mixing with your friends’ friends, or getting to know colleagues at work, or making friends through a club can be a good way of getting to know lots of people, until you find someone ‘special’.   I want you to know that it’s OK, whether you crush on people all the time, rarely crush on people, or never crush on people. Even if you’re completely asexual and aromantic, it’s completely valid, and it doesn’t mean you can’t form deep, meaningful relationships with people. Asexual people often still form romantic partnerships (with or without sex) if they choose to, and aromantic people often find fulfilment in deep platonic relationships even though there is no romance involved. You talk about desiring affection, and wanting someone to be very close to; those are possible even if you’re not sexually or romantically attracted to someone. Because support and intimacy come in all sorts of forms; I’m proud to say that some of my friendships are very intimate in terms of what we trust each other with (though completely different to my romantic relationships, that doesn’t make them lesser); so you can definitely find people who you can form close, trusting, long-lasting and share your life with them. One of my most wonderful friends is going through a hard time; they were disowned by their abusive family a long time ago, and now they are going through a divorce; they are scared of being left all alone. Having a romantic relationship is no guarantee of lifelong support, because circumstances change. Which is why nurturing meaningful friendships is also important. It’s tough, but we are here for them; out of a close knit group, everyone immediately offered to put them up at the first hint of trouble, and the group shares things we’d share with almost nobody else. The relationships that are close, and last, can look different for everyone; you will find something that works for you.  I think it might help you to read up about aro/ace spectrum, and talk to people who are going through something similar. I also think it might help for you to take some time to think about why you want someone. Connection and intimacy, yes. Having someone you trust. But is that something you desire from a relationship? Is that something you feel you get from your current friends? Is that something you feel you could get from a very close friend or platonic life partner? You don’t have to find the answer to any questions any time soon. But there’s definitely plenty of hope for you to find intimacy and companionship in your life.
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diana-prince-s · 2 years
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i have a question regarding writing and i hope it makes sense but basically, i noticed that when i write for a pairing i tend to have the one character that is sort of a self insert or the one i relate to, and then the other character is the one i project my needs and ideals on to. so what happens is that i end up with characterizations that are not only very one dimensional, but also very imbalanced because one character is extremely flawed and the other is near perfect. how do you avoid that in your writing?
hi, sorry it has taken me so long to answer this, I was displaced for a little without a charged computer and then I really didn't have the energy to put together a good response, which is what you deserve.
(ps I really like giving writing advice this is fun)
I do a very similar thing in my writing, which is pretty evident in my fics -- in Rosenali I mainly write from Denali's perspective because she is somehow a character I relate to more and Rosé is the one I am more attracted to (slightly-- don't come for me!) or that I find when I characterize her, she tends to have the type of cool, assertive energy that I don't have whereas Denali tends to have the more jaded but shy energy that I do have. In the Fitzwells fandom (Harlots) I almost always wrote as Charlotte because I felt like she was a character I could become more than just covet, and I loved the idea of longing for Lady Isabella rather than being her. Supercorp I switched it up depending on the story I think because while I personally find Katie McGrath more attractive than Melissa Benoist I found Lena's character more relatable, but then again it can be fun to write as Kara falling head over heels for the beautiful Lena Luthor.
All of this to say -- it happens. It's natural in writing to project yourself onto one character and project your desires onto another character. Writing both "POVs" is very difficult and makes your story longer, and while you get the added benefit of experiencing both sides of a love story, which can be intimate and fun (such as in my Trixya Waitress fic, which is probably the only time I've done that), it's still hard and if it isn't done right it can be clunky. So I think you're doing great following your instincts.
In terms of the issues you're having with this, I think I am a little confused so it would be really cool if you could clarify for me and I can help. I'm kind of assuming that the "flawed" character is the "self-insert" and the "perfect" character is the "projecting" character. And that makes sense, at least in my head, because we definitely see the flaws in ourselves before we see the flaws in others. ESPECIALLY in romance. My last relationship before this very happy one was with a manipulator and abuser, someone who really manipulated the image of herself in my mind to be the perfect ideal of my perfect person. The way I thought of her and felt about her is pretty similar to what the main character in a romance feels about their love interest when they think they're the epitome of perfection. So I totally get it, and it makes sense for a character to feel that way -- for a while.
But we all eventually realize the flaws of others. We start to get annoyed by the way that person touches their hair too much in conversation or laughs too loud. And these "annoyances" are often just signs that something else, something deeper about that person bothers us. OR, that perfect person opens up and tells us a lot about their dark past or their trauma or the time they tripped someone in third grade on purpose and it haunts them to this day. No one is without flaw or hurt in their past, and that's what makes a person most interesting. Because if they appear perfect but they still have an abusive ex or a bad parent or, god forbid, something worse? Then likely that trauma informs their perfection; or it hinders it, breaks them down, and they have to fight through the trauma to be perfect, and that's interesting, too.
Take Lena Luthor -- her brother is a psychotic maniac obsessed with killing Superman, the symbol of hope for the world, and her mother was neglectful and abusive, her father was crazy, she was told she was adopted for years to hide her father's infidelity, and from what I know since I stopped watching the show she's a witch? And yet she is the CEO of the most powerful company in Supergirl's America and the owner of a media empire and she is a brilliant scientist and she's absolutely stunning and flawless and good of heart in the face of bad genes and a bad situation -- all because and despite her upbringing and trauma. And that's pretty fucking fascinating.
The last thing I'll say about a character (specifically the love interest) being "too" perfect is that -- it's a symptom of romance that we romanticize our love interests, and that can be really dangerous (as I've made clear earlier). And there is fiction that deals with this. I'm not sure how familiar you are with the film Carol, but it's an adaptation of this book from 1952 called The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith, and it is my favorite book and much better than the movie. And it's better because it is written in Therese's point of view and it makes it very clear that Therese idolizes Carol and projects her own desires of womanhood and romance and love onto Carol, to the point that she blindly follows Carol across the country without much thought, she will defend Carol whole-heartedly, she will stay by Carol's side despite her messy divorce and the fact that she uses Therese as a way to escape what's going on in her life rather than valuing her as a person and a partner. Then there's this moment of realization for Therese that Carol is a person. Carol isn't perfect. Carol doesn't even have to tell her that she isn't perfect; Therese realizes it on her own, and it's incredibly powerful and it helps her grow up and become a woman and take initiative in her life, to the point that Carol realizes what she has done wrong and tries to reconcile. It makes Therese better to realize that she loves Carol, not the goddess she thinks Carol is, and it makes them better because Therese knows how to be assertive. If you have time, read The Price of Salt because you'll really see what it looks like to have the situation you're describing, but then to have it broken down and have the characters become more real.
I don't think a character can be too "flawed" (though the degree and seriousness of the flaws tell you whether a character is good or bad) but there does need to be balance with good. If your self-insert or relatable character doesn't feel pretty or isn't good at talking to people or has struggled so much in their life that they can't open up to people anymore or experience joy, give them something that they're good at. In a few of my Rosenali fics, particularly leave before you love me, Denali was sent to conversion therapy, lost her ability to compete in the sport she loved, moved across the country and away from her family, twice, was incredibly jaded and really rude to Rosé, was definitely a loner. But she was a good figure skater and good at her job, she was level-headed and responsible, she was a nurturer. She had redeeming qualities, and these redeeming qualities happened to balance-out Rosé's flaws. Vice-versa, because Rosé got Denali to loosen up and appreciate life a little more in the face of great grief. Just as much as we aren't all perfect, we're also not all bad.
I wouldn't worry too much about "adding dimension" as you work on this. I'd be more interested to see you add flaws or strengths. I'd like to see you add balance between your characters. If one character is messy, the other is clean -- and this doesn't always work out well or fit neatly together. Remember that people you idolize or desire will come with flaws, so that can be the case for your characters. I personally have gotten through much of life mutually trauma dumping with people, and it was incredibly unhealthy, but I think it has made me find flaws and sad backstories attractive in characters. I really fell in love with Sansa during Game of Thrones not because she was a well-developed character, not because she was a good person, and not even just because she's pretty (though that helped) -- I fell in love with her because we carry similar traumas, and I love the idea of a perfect person being not so perfect. I love a character who has a cold exterior but is hiding so much hurt behind them. And I think maybe you need to fall in love with the flaws and the trauma, too.
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nemesis-nexus · 5 years
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Full Flower Moon 2019
HAIL NINHURSAG, Great Mother Earth,Grand Creatrix and Healer! HAIL ENKI, Lord of the Sweet Waters, Wise Father and Protector! You who know best in ALL situations, hear us! We know that life is a journey, not a destination and that journey can take us literally anywhere mentally, physically and/or emotionally. As we go through childhood we learn from all kinds of sources; our parents, our friends, our teachers and even clergy. Many of the things we were exposed to were supposed to build character, but some things were also destructive and intended to erode us mentally and emotionally until there was nothing left! We experienced several happy gains and we also experienced heartbreaking losses. All of these things were meant to steel our nerves and strengthen our resolve to move forward no matter what!
The struggles faced as teenagers, often dismissed by adults which is why many teens stop talking to adults to begin with, were very real to us no matter how trivial they may have seemed to them or anyone else. These issues often included things like arguments with friends, not getting asked to the dance, not getting along with a teacher among other things. Failing to understand that these things, while not usually life-threatening, can be very emotionally charged and therefore can build or erode trust and the ability to open up, leads to a teen feeling there is no point in talking about things that are much more serious because who’s going to actually take the time to listen to them anyway ESPECIALLY if they have a hard time articulating their thoughts in the first place?
While they may be young these days teenagers are also coping with a variety of problems including relationship issues such as physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault and even rape in some cases. Drug and alcohol addiction to deal with abuse of all types at home, bullying and other forms of social and peer pressure or to self-medicate in an attempt to mask mental illness issues such as PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and more serious ailments including Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder and even Body Dysmorphia so as to avoid being labelled “crazy” or “unstable” should they seek help.
It's easy enough to spot a whiner because they can't ever STOP telling anyone and everyone who will listen about their problems, however, someone who is actually dealing with a serious issue such as Suicidal Depression or coming to terms with their sexuality are MUCH more likely to NEVER open up due to fear of being judged and stigmatized, instead they will act like everything is OK so as not to inconvenience anyone else.
This often ends badly which is why it is necessary for society to evolve and cast aside the negative stereotypes regarding drug and alcohol use, mental illness, sexual preference and lifestyle choices, especially with teens because more often than not it is the SILENCE that kills them, not the drugs and alcohol or the mental illness in and of itself! Father we ask you to embrace all those who are fighting for their own survival and to hold on ESPECIALLY tight to those who are battling the enemies inside their own spirits that no one else can see!
If we are lucky enough to make it to adulthood, that's when the fun REALLY begins. We get to know who our friends actually are per those who choose to keep in touch with us after graduating high school or if we make even the slightest lifestyle change such as coming out or choosing to party less.
In many cases people drift apart and that's alright too as those who are meant to stay in our lives will find a way to be a part of them or if they wander, will eventually wander back. Those that aren't, won't and that's all there is to it! We must always remember to NEVER make ANYONE a priority in our lives if we are not even an OPTION in theirs!
Also in adulthood we experience much more devastating losses such as foreclosure on a home, loss of a parent (equally devastating for a child), loss of a child and/or loss of a spouse. These things can greatly change a person's outlook on life if they don't have the mental or psychological strength to cope or at the very least a person or people to help them deal with the loss. Father we ask that you be with all those who are going through the motions of grief and loss, help them to push on through and emerge stronger in Heart knowing that their loved ones will always be there and in Spirit knowing that YOU will always be there and as such we shall never face anything alone! AVE DRACONIS!
As we transition from our teenage years to adulthood we gain more technical freedoms such as the ability to obtain a driver's license, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and also to enlist in the military. When I think about the ages of those who are able to legally do any of the above, it makes me wonder who determined the logic behind them! I mean you can get your license at 16 but you can't smoke until you're 18; you can't drink alcohol until you're 21, but you can enlist in any branch of the military at 18. So you can operate a potentially dangerous machine at 16, you can smoke cigarettes and go to WAR at 18, yet you can't drink until you're 21? It seems to me that any ONE of these things has the potential to be fatal so why not just regulate ALL of them to 18 when one is a LEGAL ADULT, it makes more sense to me!
Yet another part of life is trying to see it through other people’s eyes. When I think about all the children born with horrific diseases such as cancer, HIV and those born with severe mental and/or physical disabilities, I am reminded to always be grateful for my own health no matter what issues I may have because to see a child at 7 who is fighting for their life not only not give up but have such a positive outlook on life no matter how dire THEIR circumstances may be makes one realize that our attitude towards any situation can be what makes or breaks us and that we too need to keep moving forward with everything we have no matter how difficult!
When I think of all the soldiers past and present, who were willing to sacrifice it all for people they will never meet, it reminds me that sometimes in life it is not only necessary, it can be VITAL to put others ahead of ourselves even if it means that life as we knew it may change forever! When people think about the military, more often than not they ONLY think about Washington and scandals such as Abu Grahib, they very seldom think of those soldiers on the front lines who enlisted NOT for the glory, the notoriety, the medals or commendations, but because they cared more about those they left behind than they hate those who they went to fight against!
These soldiers more likely to suffer from PTSD, Depression and Suicidal Thoughts because of what they have seen including their friends and in some cases their FAMILY getting killed in front of them, things they may have had to do to survive and things they may have to do because they were ordered to even if the one handing it down ALSO knew it was the wrong move. In many cases when they return stateside, they face foreclosure on their homes, ridiculous wait times to be seen by a doctor, even being abandoned by their own family because their stress and anxiety issues became too much for them to handle. Suicide among Veterans should NOT exist or should be minimal, they should NEVER feel that they have nowhere to turn ESPECIALLY when it comes to their mental health! That the government has allowed the VA to languish to the point that some Vets have given up completely is UNACCEPTABLE!
Mother, Father we ask that you guide all those who fought bravely in a war zone and made the ultimate sacrifice as well as all those who physically came home but whose Spirits were so ravaged that they couldn’t deal with it across the Great Divide to sit and feast at your table side by side with all the Warriors who came before! Let those who died in war be free of any confusion, anger and denial regarding their crossing and those who lost the battle in their own Spirits of any guilt that may have followed them back home and let them once again know peace! AVÉ NINHURSAG! AVE ENKI!
Now is the time of the Full Flower Moon when the last frosts are melting away and all the beauty of Nature really begins to burst forth in the form of wildflowers and lush greenery! Trees are near full blossom, animals rouse from hibernation and begin to seek out their mates and the hustle and bustle of the Natural World resumes activity at full throttle! It is during this time that we also need to pay attention to not only the Earth but the Sky as well! One of several reasons why the Human Race has devolved in many ways is because we got complacent! We used to look to the Stars and dream about life beyond them, now we can barely sustain our own ecosystem! We used to be industrious and create ways to protect necessities such as our water supply and our soil from being destroyed, now we are all too willing to dump toxic waste, coal mining and medical debris directly into the rivers and tear Mother Earth’s flesh apart with drills which have created a rise in seismic activity and compounding this by sending sonic blasts to locate oil deposits in the water that are known to kill and maim marine life!
Now more than ever we ALL need to wake up and realize that for all the fighting and squabbling over such petty issues such as religious differences and financial status, what are we really accomplishing besides expediting our own deaths Physical, Spiritual and otherwise? NOTHING. THAT IS WHAT. Let’s for the sake of argument say that everyone respected each other regardless of religion, sexual identity/preference, ethnicity, race or physical appearance - THAT ALONE would save MILLIONS of people from being cast out by their families, tortured by their government or marked for social persecution by any religious sect!
As for money, humans place so much value on IT instead of EACH OTHER that they allow themselves to be blinded by it! They oftentimes also use it as an excuse to treat others as though they were beneath them as well as demand preferential treatment, but what would happen if all that money were to disappear as though it were never there in the first place and they, unable to prove who they are because their entire fiduciary Identity were erased, were forced to live as those they mistreated?
People seem to forget that in this age of reliance on technology and with cyber crimes such as Hacking and Identity Theft becoming more and more common, a situation like that is VERY possible thus they need to step back and take a moment to understand that it is not and should not be the amount of paper or coin one possesses that make should make them worthy of being treated like a human being but the fact that they ARE a human being no matter what their socioeconomic status is and what they do to pay their bills!
Glorious Dragons who oversee All, the world is in need of a serious Spiritual Healing! It is beyond imperative that humans learn to balance technology with Nature as the two were never meant to be mutually exclusive, in fact the reason we have the intellect we do is so we can use it to utilize technology for the protection not only of Natural Resources but OURSELVES as well yet we have allowed our own egos, self importance and greed to overpower our better sense and the results of that corruption is all around us!!!
Two years ago I had the opportunity to travel to Europe and I’m glad I did! One thing I noticed as I walked around Amsterdam, Holland and even as I sat looking out my hotel room in Mönchengladbach, Germany I can’t help but notice is the differences in the landscape, the verdant green of the trees and grass that are not ornamental but were never disturbed even as the cities grew around them and the quality of such things as a simple meal!
I had some of the most delicious scrambled eggs I EVER tasted in Hoofddorp, Holland and what was it that made them better? Superior chickens? No. The fact that they’ve never been on antibiotics to fatten them up faster and they’ve never been factory farmed? Absolutely! The water is crisp and clean, even from the tap! It’s disheartening to know that our government allows our soil and water to be compromised and claims that it’s in the interest of JOBS and MONEY as though EITHER is going to matter if we are all DEAD due to the chemicals that are poisoning both!
I think one of the reasons that people are so willing to let the government get away with so much is because it is easier for people to rant, rail and blame the government for the state of the country rather than take responsibility for their own actions, from electing the officials to office to the policies they make that we do nothing to stop because we are too busy being blinded by empty promises and official stories to accept reality! The reality being that the government doesn’t give a damn about the people and most governments never will! In fact it is my contention that 75 - 90% of politicians who run only do so to have power over the people, not to help the people in any way, shape or form!
I think the other reason is because we have become so Spiritually disconnected that we allow things to happen here because we have been convinced that things will be better on the “other side” the problem with this is that in order to GET to the “other side” we have to DIE first so where does that leave us HERE while we are ALIVE? Better question, where does it leave our CHILDREN and our CHILDRENS children? We need to stop acting as though we are the only generation that matters and start looking towards the future generations and realize that the Native saying “We do NOT inherit the Earth from our ANCESTORS, we BORROW it from our CHILDREN” is true because what the future generations will end up with will be determined by what we leave them!
We are not here to trudge through life under someone else’s heel until the Reaper claims us; we are here to live our lives on Earth while keeping our eyes to the Sky and our hearts untethered and boundless across the Astral Plane! We are here to grow and evolve with the Natural Order of things, not to remain stagnant, stationary and unmoving! When we disconnect from the Universal Qi or Energy that connects ALL life, the effects are drastically clear, we are unable to relate to ourselves nevermind anyone else. It is this disconnection from our own Humanity that leads to ignorance, fear, hate, violence, war, rape, abuse of substances as well as ourselves and loved ones and can even cause nations to go war with each other! When we lose sight of what is really important in life, we lose sight of everything and that puts us and anyone who relies on us for guidance on a path of destruction that the higher up the political or social ladder a person is, the more potential that person has to create a situation that ends in mass casualties!
Mother, Father, we ask you to draw your swords and strike down all those who callously disregard their Natural Duty as a HUMAN BEING to safeguard our environment so that we don’t end up KILLING the very thing that is KEEPING US ALIVE!
We ask you to rein down Justice upon those who would KILL in the name of shameless GREED, who would LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL from those who barely have anything as it is just to fill their own pockets!
We ask you to raise your shields to protect those who are powerless against their abusers, to protect the most vulnerable amongst us from be taken advantage of or harmed in any way be they human, animal or part of the flora and fauna! !
To cover those who are still fighting with honor and courage on the front lines so that they may come home alive and guide those who lost their lives across the Great Divide so they may take their rightful place by your sides!
To shelter those who physically came home from their deployment, but are STILL fighting the war in their heads! Help them find their way back to themselves through you so that they may continue to live as a whole person!
We ask you to Enlighten the so called powers that be as to who the true power is on Earth and that would be THE PEOPLE! On the same token REMIND the People who REALLY has the power and that would NOT be the officials who NEEDED them to be elected to their offices in the first place! We ask that you continue to keep the watch over us as we continue to rise up and push back against those who would dehumanize any of us for the sake of selfish gain especially those who would destroy the ecosystem in pursuit of it!
Mostly we simply ask that like you always keep the watch over us, help us to help ourselves as we continue to grow and evolve! Be with us as we find our way and aid others in finding theirs! Help us find the Door, but make us Walk through it alone so that we may become stronger and able to learn all lessons no matter how harsh or hard! In short we ask that you don’t change anything you have done as far as being our Blessed Mother and Father, we only ask that you help us to help ourselves so that we may spring forth and stand tall like all the Flowers in your Garden!
I am including in this sermon alongside my own prayer, the lyrics to Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation; I have loved this song since it came out in the 1990’s and I find it to be more relevant than ever, NOT just regarding race relations but regarding relations of ALL kinds across the board from personal to professional, political to Spiritual, we have grown so far apart as a HUMAN RACE that we NEED to come back together if we have any hope for a viable future ESPECIALLY much further down the road!
“With music by our side
To break the color lines
Let's work together
To improve our way of life!
Join voices in protest
To social injustice!
A generation full of courage
Come forth with me!
People of the world today
Are we looking for a better way of life?
SAY IT!
We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!
People of the world UNITE,
Strength in numbers we can get it right,
One time!
SAY IT
We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!
This is the test
No struggle, no progress!
Lend a hand to help
Your brother do his best!
Things are getting worse,
We have to make them better!
It's time to give a damn,
Let's work together come on, yeah!
People of the world today
Are we looking for a better way of life?
SAY IT!
We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!
People of the world UNITE,
Strength in numbers we can get it right
One time!
SAY IT!
We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!
People of the world UNITE,
Are we looking for a better way of life?
SAY IT!
We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!
People of the world UNITE,
Strength in numbers we can get it right
One time!
SAY IT!
We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!
-Janet Jackson (“Rhythm Nation”)”
“’Seeds of Wisdom and Determination’
Plant the seed even if no one should notice,
It will sprout through the mud, a beautiful lotus!
No matter how far down we are buried,
We will arise, no need to be hurried!
For everything happens in Nature’s own time,
The secrets locked within, all reason and rhyme!
The Stars above are Eternal, their Wisdom is vast,
And we stand to learn from their far reaching past!
We are not here by accident, not here by chance,
We are here as a result of Mother and Fathers dance!
For loved us they did and love us they still do,
They’ve stayed by our sides always tried and true!
Now is the time for us to show them how far we’ve come,
By stepping up to the plate and reversing the damage done!
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth every minute,
To save the whole world and everything in it!
The responsibility is not theirs, it is our own,
To take heed of the weakened structure that is our Home!
We can do this; there is still time to come together,
To embrace and revere every Sister and Brother!
That doesn’t mean that we will always get along,
It is through compromise we will remain strong!
So raise up your chalices and toast to the Family,
Remember we are ONE even though we are MANY!
ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!
MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INSENCE!
Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!
Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In Diabolus Nomen Nos Fides! AVE SATANÍ!
(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!
Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In Satan's Name We Trust! HAIL SATAN!)
Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!
Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!
(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!
Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)
AVÉ IGIGGI!
AVÉ ANUNNA!
AVÉ DRACONIS!
AVÉ THE GREAT SERPENT OF WISDOM!
HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss
0 notes
heyfromhell · 7 years
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I'm proud of you for having dealt with such a difficult time. You're so strong, and I admire your tenacity regarding your recent thoughts. The world needs strong lovers. Yeah, things may not have worked out but I disagree with those that have told you that you will never love as deeply ever again. You can, and I'm sure you will.
- You're gorgeous, you're outgoing, and you should never be left behind, even if things didn't work out. To me, they can be forgiven for that, among other past issues, yes. But you deserve to be treated fairly and you deserve the have answers you seek. You aren't a ghost, and you're not invisible. You're you, a person. And as a person, you deserve to be loved and to find love. I'm sure you can't see anyone else right now, or you don't want to put in the effort again, only to be let down.
- I totally get it. I lost my love late 2016. I felt like I was ruined. I stopped eating. I lost 20 lbs in roughly a month. I lost my damn mind every day and every night. I tried to occupy myself with something all the time to keep my mind straight. My heart was always so tight and I had trouble breathing a lot. I had a fucking lump in my throat from stress alone. And I could go on and on about it.
- I want you to know that how you feel is okay. It's not easy. I know you just want to give up sometimes. I still do from time to time. I personally don't suffer from a clinical depression but I have terrible control over my anxiety at times. It's hard to explain. The point I want to get at --at 3:40 am -- just know that it's all going to be okay, and to keep living your life to the fullest. It's easy to dwell on the past, but just keep looking forward.
- Be proud of what you've accomplished! You've done so much! Things aren't always going to work out, and I know you know that. And mental health makes that reality so much more difficult. I get it. Always remember that you are strong, smart, beautiful, and capable of so much. Remember to take care of yourself. Remember that you aren't alone. Remember that it's okay to be in the dark. Remember that there will always be a light for you somewhere.
-----
I read these messages as I was getting ready to leave for a job interview, and I honestly had to save the rest for later because I started to get way too emotional. I am honestly so touched that you took the time to write all of this out. You fucking GET this pain, and I appreciate you reaching out and telling me of your own experience. This pain is something not tangible, but it has such a dominant presence. I could be watching a movie, or looking out of my window as the rain is coming down, and all my mind thinks of is, “Wow, I wish he were here/I wish I could tell him about this/I wish he could see what I’m seeing.” It’s like I still want to share all of the good moments with him. I long for that closeness. I didn’t really believe I could fall in love until I met him.. I always thought it was some far away fantasy that other people could experience, but not me. Because maybe I didn’t deserve it, or maybe there’d always be someone better than me. 
But when he came along, everything changed. But I have to stop myself in my tracks when I talk about him, because I reflect on the positive times, and ONLY those. Sometimes I have to take a step back and have a reality check because the good times honestly didn’t outweigh the bad ones towards the end. There was so much blame, so much controlling, so many accusations. The lack of trust was unbelievable. I loved him, trusted him with everything, but for me, I was apparently always scheming to do something behind his back. He had serious trust problems. I tried to work with him on them for some time, but once they began being targeted directly at me, I just took the blows as they came. Because I loved him, and I thought that was normal.
I didn’t realize what I was experiencing was manipulation/some extent of emotional abuse. I actually recently had a conversation with a close friend of mine about this, and she put into perspective what was happening.
What I felt for him was real. I fucking loved him with everything - in any way I knew how. I’m not a touchy/feely person, but god I would show him so much affection because I KNEW that was the way he felt most cared about. I stepped outside of so many of my comfort zones because I wanted him to know that I cared - that I loved him - that I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt him. I just wanted my freedom. But apparently my freedom was either me A) cheating B) talking to guys, or C) going behind his back and lying about what I had done. Which was seriously never the case. I told him everything, but of course, there was still something that I was hiding. There just had to be.
So he’d go through my phone. He’d interrogate me when I stepped out of his sight for five minutes. I remember once at the gym, I went downstairs to the ladies locker room. When I walked back upstairs, he asked me “what guy I had just been with.” He was dead set on making his biggest fear come true. Of course, it never did. But he did manage to push me very far away.
One of the final straws was when I decided I was going to do a nude photoshoot. He knew about my struggles with BDD and self image, and I tried explaining how much this meant to me. But because it was with a male photographer, I was obviously going to fuck him, because of course, it’s not a professional atmosphere. It’s not like we both take our roles seriously or anything like that. So, to prove to him that it was, in fact NOT like that, I told him he could absolutely come with me. I actually encouraged him to. It was a really, really big deal for me. But his final answer came down to this: If I went ahead and did the shoot, our relationship would be over. Not too long after that, he went back to Cali, blah blah blah, we broke up, and I never did the shoot.
BUT. The end of our relationship opened up a fucking wall of freedom for me. Everything I wanted to do but felt I wasn’t allowed/couldn’t do, I did. I applied for SuicideGirls. I dyed my hair. Got the tattoos I wanted. Started hanging out with friends again. Reconnected with my old guy friends who I was forced to stop talking to for so long. Literally my entire life bloomed once I realized how much I was being held back.
I could go on forever about this aspect - the aspect I tend to overlook the most. Because I loved him, I hazed over the red flags. I pretended as though they weren’t there. Of course I wasn’t perfect by any means, and I’m sure he’d have things to say about me as well. But once you realize that your SO is holding you back from living your life - from doing what YOU want to do with YOUR body - i.e. wearing winged eyeliner, wearing the clothes you want to wear, dying your hair, tattoos, piercings, taking photographs, etc. - from hanging out with your long-term friends because there “might” be guys there, and god forbid my eyes ever land upon another male, because that was the end of the fucking world - you start to realize that maybe things weren’t as peachy as you remembered them being. 
Sometimes my mind just completely blocks out all of the bad stuff that happened and puts a spotlight on the tender moments... the first time we said our ‘I love you’s’ to sharing milkshakes in Denny’s. Shit like that is what rips me up and spits me out. But I have to remind myself that he was toxic towards me... that yes, he may have loved me, but it wasn’t healthy. And I do deserve something healthy in the future.
When I went back to California about eight months ago to work things out with him, he made me believe we would be getting back together. We could get our own little apartment, I’d transfer my (then) job to out there, blah blah blah. Two days, two motherfucking days, before the end of my trip, he hung me out to dry. I gave him back the ring I wore on my finger during our entire relationship; his Irish wedding ring. When he dropped me off at the place I was staying, he drove away, and that was that. He texted me later that night to make sure I got in okay, and I quote him, told me to, “lose his number.” Which still feels like I’m being gutted every time I think about that because... how the hell do you say that to someone you cared about, or at least used to care about?
Anyways. Sorry for the massive rant, wah. I just needed to get that out. I needed to remind myself that what I’m missing were the early memories... not the nights where I’d wake up, alone, or the times where I was blamed and screamed at when I needed support and love. I just hope that he can get well, and that’s really fucking hard to say because I have such a resentment against him now, due to the fact that he never responded to me. Not a single word. But hey, maybe that’s a good thing. I’ve accepted that I won’t be hearing from him, and I’m dealing with it. 
Anyyywaaayyssssss, I really appreciate this message because you restored some of my hope in people again. I can’t put into words how grateful I am that you, whoever you are, messaged me. You reminded me that there are good people out there, and to be quite honest, part of me had forgotten that. I’m sending you so much love, so many hugs, and so many good thoughts. I hope your heart can fully heal, because you clearly are an amazing person and only deserve the most sincere, passionate love. 
Thank you again.. I could seriously say that a million times. Thank you. I was really fucking low, and you helped turn things around for me. You’re wonderful, and if you ever need anything at ALL, you know where to find me.
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Suicide and Witchcraft
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The one question everyone has asked without exception, that they ache to have answered more than any other, is simply: why? Why did their friend, child, parent, spouse, or sibling take their own life? Even when a note explaining the reasons is found, lingering questions usually remain: yes, they felt enough despair to want to die, but why did they feel that? A person's suicide often takes the people it leaves behind by surprise (only accentuating survivor's guilt for failing to see it coming).
People who've survived suicide attempts have reported wanting not so much to die as to stop living, a strange dichotomy but a valid one nevertheless. If some in-between state existed, some other alternative to death, I suspect many suicidal people would take it.
In general, people try to kill themselves for six reasons:
1) They're depressed. This is without question the most common reason people commit suicide. Severe depression is always accompanied by a pervasive sense of suffering as well as the belief that escape from it is hopeless. The pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear. The state of depression warps their thinking, allowing ideas like "Everyone would all be better off without me" to make rational sense. They shouldn't be blamed for falling prey to such distorted thoughts any more than a heart patient should be blamed for experiencing chest pain: it's simply the nature of their disease. Because depression, as we all know, is almost always treatable, we should all seek to recognize its presence in our close friends and loved ones. Often people suffer with it silently, planning suicide without anyone ever knowing. Despite making both parties uncomfortable, inquiring directly about suicidal thoughts in my experience almost always yields an honest response. If you suspect someone might be depressed, don't allow your tendency to deny the possibility of suicidal ideation prevent you from asking about it.
2) They're psychotic. Malevolent inner voices often command self-destruction for unintelligible reasons. Psychosis is much harder to mask than depression, and is arguably even more tragic. The worldwide incidence of schizophrenia is 1% and often strikes otherwise healthy, high-performing individuals, whose lives, though manageable with medication, never fulfill their original promise. Schizophrenics are just as likely to talk freely about the voices commanding them to kill themselves as not, and also, in my experience, give honest answers about thoughts of suicide when asked directly. Psychosis, too, is treatable, and usually must be treated for a schizophrenic to be able to function at all. Untreated or poorly treated psychosis almost always requires hospital admission to a locked ward until the voices lose their commanding power.
3) They're impulsive. Often related to drugs and alcohol, some people become maudlin and impulsively attempt to end their own lives. Once sobered and calmed, these people usually feel emphatically ashamed. The remorse is often genuine, but whether or not they'll ever attempt suicide again is unpredictable. They may try it again the very next time they become drunk or high, or never again in their lifetime. Hospital admission is therefore not usually indicated. Substance abuse and the underlying reasons for it are generally a greater concern in these people and should be addressed as aggressively as possible.
4) They're crying out for help, and don't know how else to get it. These people don't usually want to die but do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong. They often don't believe they will die, frequently choosing methods they don't think can kill them in order to strike out at someone who's hurt them, but they are sometimes tragically misinformed. The prototypical example of this is a young teenage girl suffering genuine angst because of a relationship, either with a friend, boyfriend, or parent, who swallows a bottle of Tylenol, not realizing that in high enough doses Tylenol causes irreversible liver damage. I've watched more than one teenager die a horrible death in an ICU days after such an ingestion when remorse has already cured them of their desire to die and their true goal of alerting those close to them of their distress has been achieved.
5) They have a philosophical desire to die. The decision to commit suicide for some is based on a reasoned decision, often motivated by the presence of a painful terminal illness from which little to no hope of reprieve exists. These people aren't depressed, psychotic, maudlin, or crying out for help. They're trying to take control of their destiny and alleviate their own suffering, which usually can only be done in death. They often look at their choice to commit suicide as a way to shorten a dying that will happen regardless. In my personal view, if such people are evaluated by a qualified professional who can reliably exclude the other possibilities for why suicide is desired, these people should be allowed to die at their own hands.
6) They've made a mistake. This is a recent, tragic phenomenon in which typically young people flirt with oxygen deprivation for the high it brings and simply go too far. The only defense against this, it seems to me, is education.
The wounds suicide leaves in the lives of those left behind by it are often deep and long lasting. The apparent senselessness of suicide often fuels the most significant pain. Thinking we all deal better with tragedy when we understand its underpinnings, I've offered the preceding paragraphs in hopes that anyone reading this who's been left behind by a suicide might be able to more easily find a way to move on, to relinquish their guilt and anger, and find closure. Despite the abrupt way you may have been left, guilt and anger don't have to be the only two emotions you're doomed to feel about the one who left you
Powerless
So you feel powerless? You feel like you don't know what to do and think you're a failure as a witch. How do we use magick which requires our full sensibilities, willpower, emotional functions such as love, passion, and desire if they are dulled by medication? That is a good question. Is crossed my mind quite a bit. Our Magick is definitely affected.
"Witchcraft is the craft of the wise. Wise people don’t become wise simply because they have acquired some knowledge. They become wise because their knowledge is enhanced through experience. Strong Healers were often inspired through needing healing in the first place. Through our own healing, we can be inspired to heal and without the experience of being a patient we can not fully understand how to healing process can work."
The Pretty Pill
"Drugs often interfere with real magick. The nature of how anti-depressants work is in how they “dull the senses”. It changes the chemical balance in the brain to enhance the mood which often takes away emotional aspects of what we draw from when creating and manifesting from desire. But… So does depression… There are many physical causes of depression that can be managed through other forms of treatments and yes, many of them are holistic. If someone is suicidal or dealing with depression, should they NOT take their anti-depressants? I am not saying that at all. For many, anti-depressants are necessary at least for a while. I am saying there may be another solution to look into as part of the long-term treatment plan."
have too agree with the above from Summer in her article in Witch Digest. Drugs for depression are designed to dull the senses. It's also a teeter-totter in the sense that some cases require the use of anti-depressants. YET, again, not all drugs are designed to dull the senses and sometimes the drugs don't even work
6 Ways to Improve
Balance and Grounding
The mind, body, and spirit work together. When one part is out of balance, it can throw the other parts of us out of whack. That is the theory of finding balance. The art of trying to keep all three aspects in balance at the same time. I believe it takes a lifetime to master and I don’t believe it is actually 100% mastered even by the masters. That is how grounding helps us regain our balance.
Diet
Sometimes the food we eat doesn’t work well with our bodies and throws off the balance of our overall well-being. Finding a diet that works for us through a process of elimination and cleansing to help us feel our best can have positive effects but it may not be the end all solution. That also may include a dietary supplement. Care must be taken when changing one’s diet or adding a supplement. A good example is St. John’s Wort because it is known for being a mood enhancer. The biggest problem with St. John’s Wort is for those with Bipolar it can make things worse and increase the cycling effects of the disease. Not to mention how it works is by changing the levels of serotonin, a chemical in the brain, and so does anti-depressants and the combinations can be dangerous and even life-threatening.
Exercise
Adding exercise to one’s lifestyle can have many health benefits. Exercise is known to increase endorphins that can have a mood enhancing effect. But, we have to be careful not injure ourselves and care must be taken. Exercises that get our bodies in motion are great. I enjoy a dance night where I get up and dance in my living room and have a blast being silly or going for a scenic walk around my neighborhood when safety permits or even walking in the local mall. Chi gong, Tai Chi and even Yoga is said to have positive effects on mood and energy.
Holistic energy healing
Holistic healing techniques such as Reiki for some can make a huge difference as part of the whole healing and recovery process.
Meditation
This can help us regulate our balance and grounding through trying various techniques. These techniques can be found through counseling, learning through teachers or masters and even through internet searches.
Counseling
Most of all, counseling if done with the correct mindset can also add to recovery in the healing process. I have seen people go through years of psychotherapy and never recover and I have seen someone go through just a few sessions or a few years of therapy and do more healing than ever expected. Finding the right type and quality of counselor is necessary. Remembering that a counselor can only guide you on your healing path and the healing process is up to you is a key factor in benefiting from counseling.
Permanently Medicated
If one is permanently medicated or even temporarily, How can a Witch work magick while medicated? Well, there is a way. You have to work around the constraints and only you, the magickal practitioner can discover what that is for yourself. Knowing how your illness works on your overall health, which contains all three of the mind, body, and spirit and how the treatments affect your overall health is a good place to start.
Trial and error is often the only way to figure out which options work best for you.
Conclusion
Healing one aspect of our whole being requires the complimentary healing of each of our three parts; Mind, body, and spirit. At least that is what I believe. For some, medication can actually enhance their well-being and therefore increases their magickal abilities.
[Source 1|https://witchdigest.com/25707/can-depression-affect-my-magick/]
[Source 2|https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml]
[Source 3|https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/the-six-reasons-people-attempt-suicide%3famp]
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pugugly001 · 7 years
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So you're dating a Paleo ...
As the first generation of born neogyne reaches adulthood, the single biggest question we receive at neoTeen and our sister college magazine is some variation on the theme “I’m dating a guy and he doesn’t know …”.
We’ve answered different aspects of this in the last five years, and stand behind those individual answers, but on neoTeens fifth anniversary we wanted to gather a group and get a single ‘Best Reference’ for our readers.
Major Contributors include: neoTeen Advice Columnist  Delilah Strong, Gynarch consular officer  Natasha Mcdavit, Legal correspondent  Natalia Titanberg, Couples Counselor  Jena Freya, and Gynotech(tm) Genetics Counselor and neogyne adolescence researcher  Tanya Bloom. 
This summary of the discussion was written by Delilah Strong: Supporting data, interviews, and the two hour debate hosted by neoSophia.gyn, is available on the neoSophia and neoTeen archive sites.
As always medical knowledge moves forward and legal jurisdictions vary. Neither this article nor it’s supporting data should replace the advice of your local Doctors and Lawyers.
(After much debate regarding the terms ‘neogyne’, neowomen, ‘New Women’,  ‘paleo’, ‘paleomale’, ‘paleowoman’, and even ‘NW I-V’, it was decided that, while there was good reason to fight the derogatory use of the paleo prefix and the old New Women ‘Tiers’ are scientifically obsolete, they were still the accepted and best terms for distinguishing men and pre-uplift women from New Women and neogyne women. The terms ‘Latex-XX’, ‘New Woman’ and ‘New Women’ are of course no longer trademarked by Gynotech since ‘New Woman Fashion Vs Gynotech established they had become a common public usage. We use these terms in the article while acknowledging that this may someday be looked upon as a relic of a more divisive era - The Editors)
The first, short answer is … Tell him. If you live someplace that is still unaware of the neogyne that live among them being dishonest about it will never help your relationship. Moreover while it varies wildly, most jurisdictions outside the Gynarch (And in principle, inside it) treat injury to a male (or for that matter, a ‘Classic’ woman) that is unaware that he is involved with an enhanced woman as automatically the fault of the woman. Many jurisdictions consider a neogyne after the age of 16 to qualify as a deadly weapon under the law, and as you’ll see below, it’s not an insane overreaction.
The consequences vary greatly and in many places enforcement is intermittent, but your best legal protection is always being forthright.
“That’s not an option where I live”
This Magazine will never advise against honesty. However if you’re in a jurisdiction where maintaining privacy is an option for you, once you are aware of the legal consequences you have decisions to make.
First of all, do you wish to hide your physical enhancements from those around you?
As a matter of public record, only doctors with neogyne specific practices are able to pick out neowomen from paleowomen models and trainers by sight at slightly better (62% of the time - the Editors) than random chance.
And even 30 years later, much of the war propaganda depicting neowomen as oversized Hydes to the paleowoman Jekyll is still implicitly accepted, particularly in areas  where New Women are uncommon (or possibly, thought to be uncommon. Often we’re more common than men think - The Editors.). If so you are perforce also in an area where most people will not have occasion to guess, nevermind correctly.
The consensus view is, disguising oneself is more trouble than it is worth.
If you still feel compelled, there are numerous makeup products on the market (See section A pullout for specific reviews on products - The Editors) that allow texturing of the skin to make the classic ‘perfect’ neogyne complexion less obvious. Remember please that even before your Mother was a New Woman, many women were capable of matching your complexion naturally or with the aid of makeup; only minor touchup is required. By the same token, minor use of padded clothing can make the skeletal/muscular enhancement less obvious may be useful, but more than the slightest bit is silly and probably counterproductive.
And of course, if you are dating a paleomale and wish to hide your status from him, having to deal with either of these is likely to make the issue more difficult to hide, not less.
Always remember, it is the nature of all neowomen to be beautiful, but not all beautiful women are neowomen (See also the neoSophia editorial “Are we becoming a neoMonoculture?” from April - The Editors). 
On the care and feeding of paleomales.
(And paleowomen)
As a child, you of course inherited your mothers uplifted X-Chromosome and mitochondrial suite, the core of the neowoman experience. However your mother was almost certainly an adult when it happened; she was ‘simply’ an uplifted paleowomen, a process that took only a week or so of discomfort.
To form the full carbon chain sequence that produced modern neogyne in an adult takes an additional six months of painful, risky, and not inexpensive series of treatments - and a good portion of the advantages could be gained with a Latex-XX battlesuit (See our July review ‘Latex-XL - the perfect accessory?’ - The Editors) for the investment of 15 minutes imprinting and the cost of the material.
Which highlights something important to know. While your mother was likely stronger than your father even without latex-xx, the smallest New Women and the largest paleomales had considerable overlap in terms of overall strength. 
If you think back, you will almost certainly remember a series of painfully sick weeks as you entered adolescence. We now know this was your body starting what was once called NW II: medically it is the distinction between being an ‘uplifted’ neowoman and a neogyne. 
As you grew for the next six to ten years, the carbon filaments grew (or are growing) through your bone structure, muscles, nerves, and finally skin. 
You experienced childhood with far fewer sicknesses and considerably stronger than the boys around you. You were undoubtedly admonished to play nice on occasion and learned to manage your strength with your mothers help.
If your mother is not a NW II aka ‘Tier II New Woman’, as you reach adulthood you will find yourself far stronger than she is. With Latex-XX the average NW I was 2.6 times stronger than a paleowoman of her size and conditioning. 
You however are however far stronger than most men you are likely to be involved with. And because it takes years for your body to complete the carbon filaments it started at the beginning of adolescence, you may very well not have realized just how strong you are.
Here is a basic thumbnail comparison (Cite: Strengthlevel.com)
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Most (65%) neogyne complete their adolescent carbon reinforcement between 18 and 22 (95% between 16 and 26), at which point they will be able to lift over twice what their mother could lift, and almost twice what a paleomale one and a half times their mass could lift.
Sometime between 15 and 20, you would have noticed (or will notice) your nails changing color and texture (typically a variation of iridescent pearl although there are endless variations). This is the carbon chain filaments extending into and reinforcing the keratin plate. I’m sure that most of our readers have tested their nails and discovered the they can cut glass or (slowly) score through steel. 
Now consider for a moment what they could do to the man or woman of your life, backed by muscles over two and a half times the strength of your mothers.
As a neogyne coming into adulthood, you are capable of accidentally harming or killing a paleo while having sex. We have been fortunate over the years that no death has ever been reported, however in the last ten years we have records of 57 paleomen and one paleowoman being hospitalized, nine seriously.
It will as they say, put a damper on the relationship.
The safest action is to attend one of the Gynotech(tm) (Full Disclosure: neoTeen and neoSophia are fully owned subsidiaries of Gynotech(tm) - The Editors) Sex Education courses available at your nearest New Woman Gym(tm). Typical prices are $200 for a year long course, however subsidized and deferred payment courses are easily available; I took one at 16, and never made a payment until I started writing this column regularly 3 years ago.
With the exception of the Author herself (Who has an updated edition coming out in July she feels people should wait for) everyone on the panel also recommended “Screams of Pleasure - Safe, Sane and Consensual in the age of Neowomen” by Jena Freya as supplemental learning, both for it’s practical advice on giving and receiving sex with large power differentials, and pragmatic information on the use and abuse of pheromones, cautionary tales, limits of the paleosensory apparatus, the application process for moving to Gynarch territory with your loved ones. As per Jena’s assurances,although she herself is a NW II neowoman, the original Volume was generally for NW I neowomen of her generation and the updated volume will have more emphasis on neogyne and NW II relationships.
To repeat, that is supplemental. For the safety of your lover, the panel recommends Sex Education by a licensed Gynotech(tm) counselor.
“Is it True we can’t get pregnant accidentally?”
Short answer: If you’re asking, no it’s not true.
Longer answer: Did we mention the class? There’s a Sex education Class, and one of the things they teach is how to consciously suppress your monthly cycle and tighten the cervical sphincter to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Some studies show consciously regulating your monthly cycle may postpone menopause. This is one of the few things neogyne can do that classic New Women simply had no control over. It takes training to do automatically - it took me six months (My sister mastered it in one but she’s an evil witch, just ask her boyfriend).
Pheromones: The Smell of International Weapons Treaty problems.
By age 15-17, most young women are on a weekly or daily Regimen of Pheramin(tm) (or it’s generic equivalent) the Pheromone Suppressant.
By 16 to 19, most young women have experimented with replacing it with Tic Tacs and seeing if anyone notices ... especially ‘That’ guy ...
In most Jurisdictions, if you receive any benefit from this or even if they can prove you affected a man, you have committed assault.
For good or ill, assault by Pheromone is exceedingly hard to prove after 48 hours, made worse by the fact that Pheramin(tm) does not actually suppress pheromones completely, but only by a factor of 65-90%. 
But then ‘Pheromone Assault’ is a misnomer.
“I thought I just smelled ... nice?”
Historically neowoman pheromones were designed with minimizing casualties in mind by removing the capacity to fight from allied soldiers. If you are not taking Pheramin(tm), you do not ‘smell nice’, you are effectively a walking military grade bioweapon with a great smile.
And here’s why that’s not hyperbole.
What we refer to as ‘neowoman pheromones’ are not pheromones in the classic sense, but a combination of ‘improved’ pheromones and fast acting retroviral loads produced, not by your sweat glands, but encased in antibodies produced by your plasma cells - that pass into your sweat glands from the bloodstream, then sublimate into the atmosphere as you perspire.
As these pheromones are inhaled, the pheromones and antibodies latch onto receptors in the nose, sinus cavity, and vomeronasal organ (VMO).This produces the classic ‘Metallic yet floral’ scent men notice. At this point a man will start to become aroused and suggestible, experiencing dilated pupils, heart palpitations, intrusive fantasies, shyness, loss of confidence. 
That is to say, they have a crush, a godawful bad one. However even at high exposure it has been proven that he is perfectly capable of independent decision making, and when removed will recover within 24 hours.
As advertised on TV, Pheramin(tm) suppresses 65-90% of those pheromones. What it actually blocks is production of the Retrovirus itself - The Antibodies are actually still produced and released, but they are empty protein shells with no payload beyond inducing limerence itself. 
If exposed, the Antibodies release a retroviral load into the VMO which reactivates and indeed rewrites cellular DNA in the organ, within minutes the cells in the organ grow new specialized receptors keyed to neowoman pheromones.
The new receptors activate a number of neural pathways, not entirely understood. However in effect it means that when these new pathways are active, the man is now ‘In Heat’, and in addition to the limerence produced by the pheromones desperately desires to be dominated and mated by a suitable female - and will give up almost anything for the opportunity.
These symptoms will start within a few minutes of exposure and reach maximum effect within 48 hours.
And they are a permanent change. Once a man has been exposed to the retrovirus, his VMO is permanently keyed to link neowoman pheromones to submission, There is no known cure or vaccine, although there has been some success with surgically removing the affected nerve pathways; however this typically results in complete loss of smell and taste
That is, by any definition, a man that has been assaulted. Unfortunately unless the victim has extremely limited contact with the opposite sex, narrowing down the time frame is exceedingly difficult, as is proving they were not taking Pheramin(tm). Of more than 92 cases filed in the last decade in North America, only 12 convictions have survived appeal. However 8 of the 12 cases in the last two years did survive appeal, so authorities are learning how to better prosecute these assaults.
Take the damn pills. Because the entire panel and the auditorium agreed, if you hurt one of our men that way, you won’t need to worry about the police.
“My SO is ... a neogyne fetishist”
This has a negative reputation in the neowoman community, and not one of us on the panel has a theory fully explaining why?
You are certainly not required to like any particular paleomale because he thinks neowomen are sexy,any more than because he thinks Red Hair is sexy. 
Yet, my husband of two years loves the Red Hair I got from my Grandmother. And I love that he does.
Feel free to dismiss your suitor if you don’t like him. If you do like him, he likes your, and he gets nervous and sweaty when you one hand a pool table, feel free to enjoy watching him be nervous and sweaty. (Disclaimer: Do not one hand a pool table. They crack in the center because the slate isn't balanced for that kind of Stress. Not that we ever did something like that. - {Coff}{coff} The Editors).
It was all neowomen in the auditorium, on the panel, and among my readers. Of course we make the poor things nervous and sweaty. 
We frickin’ rule!
(Damn Straight - The Editors)
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