#when will we get a flag that isn't problematic in some way and also actually looks good

[bethanydelleman]

There’s a new book out called The Darcy Myth that says in the summary that P&P is actually a “horror novel” about how scary love is for women… I know the Bennet sisters’ situation is precarious but to call it a “horror novel” ? :P

Okay... so... ug.... did this woman even read Pride & Prejudice? Because from the news coverage I would say no. Let me highlight some passages from the article:

Darcy should be considered the main antagonist of the famous love story

Not Wickham? Not the man who runs off with literal teenage girls?

Darcy pays Wickham to marry Lydia, saving her reputation, and later tells Elizabeth, “I thought only of you” when acting. For Feder, this phrase is proof of the hero’s self-interest. Darcy condemns Lydia to a life with an amoral man, all so the Bennets don’t become so disreputable that he won’t be able to marry the woman he loves.

Um, sorry, but no. Darcy tried to get Lydia away FIRST, she refused, he respected Lydia's autonomy as a human being. Becoming brother-in-law to Wickham was probably worse for Darcy personally than Lydia being "ruined"

I found Feder’s exploration of “Pride and Prejudice”as a Gothic novel — rather than a comedy of manners — far more compelling than her critique of Darcy.

Wut? No. Not even a little bit, what? That is a different genre.

“Darcy helped codify the dominant expectation that potential romantic partners — especially heterosexual men — are not only still eligible but in fact more appealing when they play a little hard to get, even if playing hard to get involves cruelty, insults, expressions of disinterest, ruining your beloved sister’s chances of happiness, and other red flags,” she writes. Women spend their time, energy and emotions on men who, quite simply, are not worth their effort.

Okay, except ELIZABETH NEVER TRIES ANYTHING WITH DARCY. She just sits there and he falls in love with her. If she did put effort into any relationship it was with Wickham, who again, is presented as a massive red flag in the end. This line of argument is wild.

Yet, seeing the sheer number of times women pursue cruel men in pop culture laid out one after another — in Disney movies, Taylor Swift songs and much more — is affecting. Feder concludes convincingly that this cultural conviction harms women in the same way the patriarchal boundaries of the regency did. She writes: “If we zoom out, we see that the Darcy myth also helps to prop up and fortify a very Gothic, patriarchal universe that is, and always has been, scary for anyone who is not a very particular type of man. After all, if we are trained from childhood to invest ourselves in men who treat us poorly, aren’t we more likely to end up in abusive situations and under threat of assault?”

Okay, so this is a valid point, but it also is based on a misreading of Pride & Prejudice or is heavily influenced by adaptations. Darcy isn't cruel, he's snobby and somewhat rude but definitely NOT cruel. Wickham is exactly the type of man you want to avoid: charming until he isn't.

ALSO WHAT DISNEY PRINCE IS AN ASSHOLE??? @princesssarisa? Can you be offended at that one in my stead?

So... this book sounds like rage-bait insanity and I won't be reading it until proved otherwise. Putting it on the avoid shelf along with Secret Radical.

Last note: There is a valid point to be made that jerks or dark broody men have been romanticized, but Austen DOES NOT DO THAT. That is not an Austen thing. Use an actual problematic Gothic or Byronic hero.

#question response #this is nuts #the darcy myth #just looks like rage bait to me #the arguments are nonsensical #Now I'm going to have to fight this book on Reddit too #oh joy

[aledanshi]

Photographers AU Lore (+ Character Headcanons)

You know, when I originally started developing this AU it was during the beginning of my obsession with Archivists, I wanted to write a sort of love story about them and also make them part of a polycule with Roier because yes, while guapoduo isn't my otp anymore, I still do very much enjoy their relationship and a big part of Cellbit's character development is due to Roier being a major influence in it.

And so, a major reason why their polycule relationship works is also because of Roier.

Even though the polycule is centered around Cellbit, he's the most level headed between the three of them and is the one that keeps the relationship under control, lest he lets those two old men get way over their heads and end up lost in their passion for each other.

Because really, all three of them have their own issues and red flags, but at least Roier has experience with understanding and working on his own issues, even though he is the youngest in the relationship. He doesn't have a psychology degree just for it to serve as a wall decoration for his office after all.

Cellbit has too many issues, we all know the more obvious and problematic ones like the murderous past and the cannibalism, but red is Roier's favorite color anyway so whatever. Thing is, he also has a myriad of problems that indirectly affects his relationships with others, which wouldn't be perceptiple to people who don't have the knowledge about the less obvious signs of trauma. He's also very obviously neurodivergent, which complicates things even more.

He has a lot of accumulated trauma, deeply rooted trust issues, has problems with understanding and dealing with his emotions and is quite frankly very depressed. Roier has already helped him with a lot of those issues before, but for some of them there's not much that he can do besides offering his undying support for him.

But Philza, fortunately, can fill in the gaps in his heart that have been carved out by his own grief and insecurities, those that Roier doesn't quite fit in.

When someone goes through a traumatic experience, especially during the early stages of life, their brain can sometimes erase parts of their memory that contain those painful moments, while also erasing a good chunk of the good things in the process. So really, even if the federation hadn't erased most of the memories of his childhood, Cellbit probably wouldn't have remembered much of it anyway.

From his perspective, he never actually had anyone before coming to the island, he grew up not having any sort of safety net and not knowing the love and support that can be given by a family. He'd managed to raise Richarlyson with all the love and care that he could, but he never got to experience something similar for himself.

Philza's love for him gives him that sensation of truly being part of a family and much, much more. He is loved, supported, cherished and cared for, like a father would do so for a son. It's true that he also has romantic feelings for the man, but that doesn't mean that those and their familial feelings for each other can't coexist.

And Roier just can't bring himself to feel insecure about their relationship, because Philza simply fulfils a different role in Cellbit's life. He is not being replaced, he can't be replaced in Cellbit's heart, but he also can't give him what Philza provides for him.

His initial idea was to maintain their relationships separate, Cellbit can date the both of them, but Roier and Philza would not meddle in the other's business in any way, shape or form. However, fate does work in mysterious ways, so Roier and Philza actually end up being really close friends due to their shared love for Cellbit.

He still gets a little bit annoyed when he has to separate those two old geezers from their passionate make out sessions before they devour each other, but it's a very small price to pay for all the happiness that he has experienced by having them as his family.

#qsmp #qsmp cellbit #qsmp philza #qsmp roier #qsmp archivists #qsmp guapoduo #photographers au #aledanshi's deranged writings #not putting q! in front of their names bc i'm lazy but you can guess that i'm talking about the cubitos

[swordsandarms]

As I addressed obnoxious bullshitty fandom cans of worms already, how about we all be frank about the pointless going in circles discourse in this fandom that is "Lyanna's age problem" also.

There's the "meant to be just aaaaasa child!" camp and the "it was just normal back then!" camp when it comes to whether it's fine to ship her with a man in his early 20s within the morals of this story specifically (a story romanticising relationships with other 'problematic in the real world' concepts like incest, or other age gaps that kiiiiind of get a pass cause the 18 - or even 16 - years old threshold already, mind you). Both of those camps' arguments are inaccurate (one to the story, the other to the real world) the funny thing is if you take a step back, BOTH sides stand where they do - though opposite to eachother - because they are both (as it's normal so no one here is the bad person) uncomfortable with the concept in (modern and) real world and find their own way to deny its potency of wrongness.

And I decided to do this by coming across a post having to acknowledge the sexualisation of Arya, at an even younger age, and "ways to cope" and dance around the simple fact that the author just does this - writing young girls or teenagers as (obviously unnecessarily) sexualised and mature, that it's part of the story (part of the LORE if you will) and you just have to accept it and move on with the show in order to interact with this story.

*wringing hands* "Maybe because there was supposed to be a 5 years gap! We will just imagine the 5 years gap! Oh, no, it's still bad if there is a 5 years gap!"

Same as with the equally weak rationalisations such as "It's intentional for the age of Lyanna to be problematic! It has to be!" or the opposite "He is writing what was actually normal at some point even if it's not now *cue a list of actually bad historical cases*!"

My eyes may never come back from the back of my head if I have to keep seeing BOTH and EITHER of these. Especially when you have people acknowledging the "original plan" in which Arya would be "just a little sister" when Jon leaves for the NW when she's only 9 BUT he's meant to have a WOWSYY moment when she shows up later at FOURTEEN and he's nearly 20. And, oh, a guy in his LATE 20s is also into her - such romantic drama! By the way, 13 years old Bran would have had a "feud" with the 19-20 years old.

So, no, this isn't only a problem because there is no time jump anymore. The writer is writing something in a way he shouldn't have, and there is nothing deep or meaningful about it for you to read and recognise and judge others if they don't.

Sansa says men in their 20s are "too old" when she's 11, but at 13 now (parading as a 14 years old) she flirts with a man of about 20 and the narrative doesn't raises red flags either on his side or the society witnessing them. He's not trying to make it bad, not for that one reason. Then you get to Arya who's also ogled at by older men by pretending to be slightly older (in spite of some reservations because she is actually 11 as Sansa was before, here, and looks it, so at least the author is consistent about this magical womanhood that appears in between 11 and 13-14 because they "flowered").

So, yes, he never meant to write it the way we would have to judge it if they were real people. No, not even back then when he wrote Lyanna so and was planning a "time jump" for these other teenage girls that wouldn't even have meant not sexualising teenage girls actually because the jump still doesn't make Arya not a teenager. He writes Robert also being in love with and attracted Lyanna back then as well FFS, and he was also a "grown man". Daenerys at 15 is written as having a 'liberating' and autonomous relationship with a man of about 30. No, it's not meant to be bad because it 'should' be. Reading it like that is a bad, distorting reading of the story and her arc. Yes, when she was 13 and forced into marriage it is in the least written as "only on the line of acceptable" and characters note it within the story (so again at least he is consistent since Sansa is also bumping her age over that line).

So geez, feel free to say "I hate that he does this" or "I am not shipping these due to this reason, sorry" or "I am accepting it is not real in order to interact frankly with the text" or "I don't ship these because of other problematic or dislikeable reasons about the characters/relationships" but again, get moving with the "oh no no, it is/was normal somehow!" or "it is meant to be bad, because the author couldn't possibly write something bad!".

People have places to be and things to do, let's get going.

#asoiaf #lyanna stark #arya stark #'I think he means it to be bad for OTHER reasons' #ok still good faith reading of the text that's fine #jon snow #daenerys targaryen

[queersatanic]

How to spot when you're in a cult

How to recognize that you’re in a cult seems so obvious and therefore unnecessary to ask that most people never even bother to do so.

Consequently, it should not be a surprise so many people continue to find themselves in cults and not realize it till years later, if at all.

Let’s get a quick, short definition out of the way, borrowed from the French Interministerial Mission for the Fight against Drugs and Addictive Behaviors:

"A cult is an organized group or a solitary person whose purpose is to dominate cult members by using psychological manipulation and pressure strategies."

A couple of misconceptions: we are not talking about New Religious Movements (NREs)—at least not exclusively. To begin with, those are not necessarily cults, and more importantly, cults are not exclusively "religious" movements.

From Heaven's Gate to Scientology to for-profit face-to-face canvassing, you cannot rely on the self-description of an organization to accurately describe what it does, and like with NXIVM, it usually isn't the supernatural or religious aspects that are actually problematic.

A cult may never have explicitly supernatural or spiritual aspects; they may define themselves by their strict adherence to materialism, even. Thus, if those are the red flags you're looking for, you're not going to notice when no one is talking about god, reincarnation, or quantum pseudoscience.

Cults are a normal part of modern society, not something only at the fringe.

Considering the likely audience of this, it may be tempting to say, “No gods, no masters,” or “obviously capitalism is a cult.”

But this is a feature that appears within the radical, anticapitalist left as well.

The abusiveness of the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL) or Democratic Socialists of America (DSA), of Bob Avakian's Revolutionary Communist Party USA, or Gazi Kodzo's Black Hammer organization and its rapid turn toward failed Colorado commune and predation of unhoused people in Atlanta — it is not just “those people” who can fall into this. A Maoist transbian polycule with a central node who controls the sex lives of her partners while leading the “self-crit” sessions — this is only tangentially the faults of capitalism.

No one is immune from this, no one is safe. Because while cults can express themselves in all of these various ways, they are not only taking advantage of the weakest or worst of us; they don’t even always take us in our weakest or worst moments.

Cults also will, like a cordyceps fungus, repurpose your strengths and talent to their own ends. Your incredible intelligence and reasoning abilities will be turned to explaining why you should continue to support this particular cult despite all evidence to the contrary. Your empathy will make you care about others still in the cult that leaving it would mean leaving behind. You will convince yourself that reform is possible and you just need to go through the proper channels that the abusers just happen also to control.

To review: a cult can like anything and anyone can find themselves in one.

But most cults by their nature do not lead with the weirdest shit first. Some go as far as to have front companies recruiting people to one thing, then slowly introduce this other thing when a target is thought suitable and their defenses are down.

For most people, there won’t be a clear, sudden indicator because they will be surrounded by others who treat these power dynamics as normal and good. Peer pressure is not just something middle schoolers fall victim to but something all of us experience.

Even if you leave, all that does is reinforce the survivor bias and culture of those who remain, feeding the narratives of exclusivity, elitism, and persecution to keep members cleaved from the outside.

Back to the question: how do you spot that you’re in a cult?

It’s crucial that you actually bother to ask. It’s crucial that you have the humility to assess your surroundings, your choices, and be willing to walk away from stuff you’ve invested in when you realize your mistake, sunk costs be damned.

There are various guides you can use, but a pretty robust if still subjective one is Isaac Bonewits’ Advanced Bonewits Cult Danger Evaluation Frame (ABCDEF), rating 18 categories to score from one-to-10.

There are others. ABCDEF works best for new religious movements; Gwen Snyder taking business cults to task highlighted some issues Bonewits did not.

Certainly, neither person is themself infallible. Consider both nothing more than starting points.

So far, we haven’t talked much about anarchist groups or dynamics, and you may assume that’s because we are not power worshipers, fascists, Marxist-Leninists, so our praxis inoculates us.

That is bunk.

It is true that anarchist critiques of hierarchy apply to cults as well. An anarchist may not always be able to recognize a hierarchy, but we ought to have a good idea of our response when we do.

Yet anarchists are not immune from becoming cult leaders. Those who exploit others this way are not uniquely evil or a different species from us. A cult leader may be wholly sincere and actually believe they are just that special, that irreplaceable.

If you are an anarchist, you should always be thinking about and planning for your replacement. You will die one day. You may be disabled before that, or jailed before that, or "canceled"; don't think you are not capable of being an abuser, including in ways that meant almost nothing to you but everything to who you hurt.

Anything you're doing should not rely solely on you to not fail. The group you are part of should not require one person, you or anyone else, who is so essential that others are tempted to give them a pass because the work is so important and they are so valuable to the work.

Having said all this, is the vaccination against hierarchical cult abuses a panacea against all abuses? Clearly not.

A cult is one kind of hierarchy.

It is often starkly hierarchical and dangerous but not the only way for an organization or group dynamics to be abusive. We have to work very hard to guard ourselves against these, too; that is anarchism.

We need collective action from non-blood relations willing to work together and help one another. We need to radically re-imagine and embody different ways of living, different possibilities of seeing the world. The taboos of the status quo are not extant always because they serve most of us or benefit any but a few.

And still, attempts to create alternatives to what we have inherited are not guaranteed to be improvements, and in our desperation at the state of the world or just our own lives, we can pursue groups—usually new groups—that lack the protective guardrails erected by necessity to keep a collective functioning since, without them, the group implodes.

How do you spot you're in a cult?

Think about what power is and who has it, and never stop looking or talking to other people about what you see.

Interrogate yourself, don't make excuses for your friends, and kill your heroes so you can meet real people worth knowing.

#Cults #Escaping Cults #Cult Danger #Business Cults #Gwen Snyder #Isaac Bonewits #ABCDEF #Advanced Bonewits Cult Danger Evaluation Frame #anarchism #anarcho-satanism

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

Howdy! Same person who stayed anonymous so I wouldn't get harassed by fans here, and I have another thing to say.

People think that media like this may not have an outside influence on the world, but in reality it does. It may seem stupid, but the media portraying relationships like these as normal caused me to stay in an abusive relationship for two years. I apologize if it's oversharing, but I used to watch shows like this all the time when I was younger (Not sharing my age because then people will try to claim I have no idea what I'm talking about.) and this, paired with other personal events in my life, made me think that relationships like these were normal and healthy. Luckily, I now realize they aren't.

The glorification of bad characters who have little-to-no redeemable qualities or ways to justify what they did just because they're "hot" or "sexy" needs to stop. It causes people to glorify abuse and abusers. I used to be a major SPOP fan and, shamefully, a Catra simp, so I could keep going on about a LOT of stuff this show does, but I won't.

I, once again, apologize for oversharing and for how long this post is. Thank you for addressing all this in the show despite the criticism you're getting.

you don't need to apologize! i'm so sorry you had to go through that and i hope you're out of that relationship now. this is exactly what i've been saying. i can understand why some people may want to believe that c//a is a good ship, especially considering that this is one of the very few queer representation we have. it especially concerns me that kids watching this may take this as good representation, i've already seen posts saying stuff like "i want what they have" or "i want someone to look at me the way catra looks at adora".

the only reason i spotted the toxicity in the show early on is because i was also in a close (platonic) relationship with a person who was very much like catra, and i was in the process of figuring out that this isn't normal. i tried to get myself to root for catra, but i just couldn't. and it confused me that the fandom didn't see the problem with this show and instead acted like it was the biggest masterpiece to ever exist.

relationships in the media are rarely realistic, especially the enemies-to-lovers trope. it may look exciting in a story but it very rarely works out irl. more often that not, when it does work it, it ends up being an abusive relationship like c//a. but there are healthy fictional relationships that you can look up to, and those ships don't get the attention that these toxic ones do, because they are labelled as "vanilla" and "boring".

the point of this blog isn't to start unnecessary beef with the fandom or demonize the show. it is to help people understand the red flags in catra's and adora's relationship. when consuming a piece of media, it is always wise to be open-minded and critical, because even the best of the best can have flaws. it's the same as reading the classics while also acknowledging that they were a product of their time, and most likely had some problematic ideals embedded into them.

i think it's still okay to like catra as a character. i like a lot of villains myself, because they are complex or sympathetic or just plain fun to watch. but you need to still acknowledge that these are objectively bad people, regardless of their motives. i've seen a few catra fans who admit that catra's redemption was rushed and that they didn't like c//a either. i respect these types of fans a lot, because they are able to like a character without being blind to said character's flawed treatment.

anyway, if any of you want to see actually healthy relationships and good queer representation in media, i suggest shows such as The Owl House, The Legend of Korra, Infinity Train, The Dragon Prince, Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, Steven Universe and Arcane. please don't settle for the toxic relationships. not only are they not good representation, but they are actively harmful for the community. it's time we stopped romanticizing abusive relationships just because they are angsty and have "sexual tension".

#ask #spop #spop critical #anti catradora #spop salt #spop criticism #spop discourse #anti catra #she ra

[onewomancitadel]

What are your thoughts on the claim that Knightfall is a dangerous portrayal to men women? imo this is a buncha bullshit but a lot of people I see calling it a "crack ship" are also saying that if it ever happened it would be toxic and harmful. Some say the idea of having a man save a woman is wrong and others say having Jaune date a killer would ruin his character. How do you deal with stupidity on this level?

Lol it's bullshit. Of course it's bullshit. It's not even worth debating because it's such a waste of time and such a reductive opinion grounded in bad media analysis and bad philosophy. If you hear the word 'toxic' you need to stage exit the conversation, it's a red flag.

Sure, women consuming the wrong fiction will make them get into abusive relationships, I love the victim blaming here. Or attributing abuse in real life relationships being a result of fiction? Yeah, I am sure that is going to fly in sincere debates surrounding intimate partner violence (IPV). I can guaratee you if you read any surrounding literature about IPV or DV, the focus is not going to be on who likes Kylo Ren too much or reads the wrong type of romance.

Even then, I don't think Knightfall is a) a crackship - it most certainly isn't, thank you, it's very narratively justified, and one of Jaune's biggest moments in the show, well two of them, are with her, or b) something bad or toxic at all, in fact thematically motivating the relationship (in canon) would be healing, forgiveness, and compassion, and fundamentally uplifting the notion of nonviolence. So Knightfall isn't even anything textually 'problematic'.

If it were textually problematic I would still dismiss the notion it would have a serious impact on real-life relationships - though trying to draw some type of actual casual impact is extremely difficult, because the kinds of things influencing real life harm is actually multi-modal. If you care about that thing, sincerely and truly, which to be quite frank people obsessed with toxicity in fiction don't care. Motivating a lot of this is just cloaked ship wars, or 'me not like this and it hurts my fee-fees'. Or deep, profound resentment for the art and structure of narrative and metaphor.

The reality is that tonally R/WBY is fantastical and it is romantic. A character like Cinder Fall killing Pyrrha Nikos isn't just flatly about killing, it's also conveying lots of different ideas:

the inevitability of change and growth (ooh! Autumnal theming!), the violence of change, the complete unseating she symbolically represents in the story [for the characters to grow], the death of childhood, the complicated morality of an expanding worldview as you come to see adults as people/the world beyond black and white/understand what made Cinder do it

and if you flatly define that as 'Cinder Fall big bad meanie who need dieeeeee' then your analysis bad too. But the irony here is that people who say ships like Knightfall are toxic are people fundamentally not interested in a) metaphor and the relationship we have to stories emotionally, b) actual compassion and transformation and healing, c) actual harm in the real world, especially when they go out of their way to hurt real people over fiction. You don't know the shit I've seen in the Reylo fandom (and yes, Reylo is a feminine-driven narrative, Rey was on the Heroine's Journey (most prominently in TLJ), though Reylo and Knightfall aren't necessarily tonally 1:1). I mean it was really shocking and so bad I don't want to talk about it, and people used Reylo as a cover to harass Jewish Reylo fans - calling them N*zi apologists!, Black Reylo fans, female and trans fans, and I saw some really shocking stuff. Again and again and again. By the time we hit the pressure point of TROS I saw one of the most offensive opinions about Kylo Ren expressed and retweeted on Twitter, which I advise you to skip the rest of this paragraph if you are in a sensitive space mentally: a user suggested that actually, if Kylo Ren's evil is analogous to mental illness, sometimes mentally ill people really do need to kill themselves because they're beyond help. Tell me: how is Kylo Ren being naughty worse than that? It fucked me up and still fucks me up, not just because of that but because of other things I have experienced.

So just ignore their framework and their approach. It's not about harm and it's not about protecting people or caring about what sort of relationships ought to be depicted in media. It's using false concern to load their argument and make it impossible to debate because you might concede territory to the idea that toxicity is okay. It's literally impossible to ever hold a conversation and I can guarantee you that 99% of people I've encountered with that opinion are 100% disinterested in hearing anything to challenge the notion of 'toxicity' because it's not about that - it's about ship and story taste. And nihilistic storytelling. Because stories are stupid and metaphors are also stupid.

Some say the idea of having a man save a woman is wrong

Lol this isn't even what it would be, but they're automatically trying to say it will be because they can't conceive of Cinder as an active character in the story because a) big mean baddie and b) stupid woman, really showing their hand there about how they conceive of female characters. Jaune helping Cinder, when everybody else has completely failed her, is profoundly meaningful, and Cinder being able to act on her own terms is profoundly empowering considering her enslavement.

But anybody trying to convince you that community is weak and we shouldn't help each other and we can't be uplifted through connection either has an ulterior motive or is somebody who has bought into deeply cynical thinking, which is probably more hurtful than anything Cinder could do.

and others say having Jaune date a killer would ruin his character.

Ruin his character how? Because he's their self-insert and it disrupts their projection? Because Jaune shouldn't do something important and transformative and he's better off left to the side? Because his Semblance shouldn't have a serious impact on the story? Lol

Yeah, would be so much better if Jaune killed Cinder. I've heard that story before, it's tragic and I don't like it. The whole point of Cinder's redemption is it would redeem the tragedy of Pyrrha's death. It's narrative patterns babey

How do you deal with stupidity on this level?

For some context, I am a TFA-era Reylo. I have seen it all. People who say Knightfall is toxic etc. (which I honestly haven't even seen because I know how to curate my fandom experience - just avoid stuff you don't like if you dislike Knightfall) are like little babies. Watch this

The way I personally deal with it is actually just to recognise you're never really having the argument you think that you're having. If you're somebody who takes IPV and the depiction of women in media really seriously, and you are interested in the way we resonate with narrative and want to discuss what it means for people to identify with villains, and if you enjoy discussing things seriously and trying to hear the other side out, you are having the wrong conversation and your 'ummmm this ship is toxic!!!' interlocutor does not care.

Yes, I'll allow there's probably some actual anxiety and projection into 'problematic media' that is actually about earnest concern - that displacement isn't controversial. But I would say that this doesn't make up the majority of the crowd. They're not interested in peer-reviewed sources, they're not interested in the kinds of 'problematic' stories which have been a part of storytelling for all of human history - and they deny humanist universalism and connection through stories as well, for dealing with complicated experiences, they're not interested in seriously debating the topic. It is the fandom age-old story of ship wars, and what kind of story someone is expecting, and this is especially apparent now with the rise of corporate storytelling. An easy story with cynical self-awareness, good vs. bad, kill bad guy. Make sure to insert a joke in there just in case you are getting too emotionally sincere.

But that doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything to those people. Don't bother. Find your bliss instead. That goes for people who don't like Knightfall: maybe stop trying to destroy things and ask for other people to do the dirty work of making 'pure' media, and try to create things yourself.

You know why those 'pure' fandoms scare off creators and pretty much have dead fandoms? Because this kind of anodyne narrative analysis is actually creatively deadening. It's boring. Once you overthink your story this way it's impossible to write for. It's much more freeing to work in service to narrative, not in service to perceived political good... which for that matter, is a total separate tin of worms, which once you open up is extremely dangerous. If a story must be 'politically good' in order to allow to be told, I can guarantee you it will be used by the powers that be, not to tell empowering stories.

None of this is to say that I don't seriously think about the way social attitudes imprint themselves on fiction. The argument here is that social attitudes imprinted on fiction are as harmful, or as concerning as harm in real life, and must be wholly avoided. I am very comfortable reading stories which contain misogyny; I can recognise it's wrong, and part of my critical analysis enables me to use my groan up girl brain to identify whether it's something being used by the story to further its themes or whether the author is a fuckwit. I like to think that many others are just the same.

But Knightfall's not even like that lol. If anything it's empowering. To me I find the story of the deeply wounded villainess who comes into her own feminine power and redeems it through someone reaching out to her with uncompromising and literally magical compassion like, um, very compelling. Narratively the only person who can forgive Cinder is Jaune. That's why it's fun. It's not about fighting what you hate, but saving what you love.

Also, if the deep wound of the story is Ozlem, Jaune and Cinder - two characters in an ensemble cast, yes - coming together and proving you could work back from Ozlem as enemies back to lovers is... everything. That's not just emotionally moving, that's actually seriously saying something.

Although to me, the idea that you can still come back from something, and fix it, and you're not too far gone, and you can change, and you can open your heart, and you could decide not to choose violence today, and you could have a home, and you could be free, and you could take on responsibility you're prepared for, is very moving. See? It's not about toxicity. In my opinion, it's a resistance to vulnerability. Bad characters who change and recognise badness in themselves are scary.

Thanks for your ask anon. I may have got a bit impassioned there... sorrey...

#seraphina's asks #user: anonymouse #knightfall

[papirouge]

I liked fds too because they were just as tough on males and it got under alot of male redditors skins lmao. But I didnt really like they also went for """"femcels"""" and wgtow (the literal opposite of mgtow where women minded their business vs men that loathe women) and other users who said they're done with men in general. I get that it was a dating sub but to ignore info like male violence didn't sit well with me. Like in the us the number 1 cause of death for pregnant women is homicide, often by their husband/bf who didnt want the baby in the first place. Stats like that or the grim reality many poc especially black women face when dating shouldn't be ignored. There are also some of us who just arent interested in dating and marrying males but found solace in fds for its tough take on limiting male voices to zero because everywhere else online for women doesnt want to be seen as "mean to men :("

FDS is not for everyone, anon. I have yet to see what kind of diss they made about femcel, but it makes sense for a sub dedicated to DATING to look down on blackpilled women/WGTOW fearmongering about the fact there's no hope for women and that the best way to be spared of male violence is celibacy... M

So yeah, you may enjoy their take about male bs but ultimately that's a sub for STRAIGHT WOMEN seeking to find a valuable MALE partner so you most likely won't find them hopping on the #allmenaretrash bandwagon¯\_(ツ)_/¯

From what I saw from this sub, they're actually very conscious of male violence and are quick to call red flags about men potentially becoming dangerous, so IDK where this reputation of male violence enabler does come from🤔 I know that radfem have been campaigning to make it look like FDS was enabling male violence but it looks like they're actually pissy against the sub creator who made this silly tweet

That being said, she seemingly seems to endorse the idea that BP are toxic i.e "sadistic"/misandrist though lol

Those stats saying lesbians couples are more abusive are highly contested but are we really gonna act like BP/separatists didn't throw back as much outrageous vitriol at FDS/hypergamist.women? So it's just usual terminally online twitter catfights imo lol

That Lilith isn't FDS spokeperson though so it's a tad unfair to act like the problematic shit she sald was enough to throw the entire movement away. I've seen radfem say literally horrifying things about straight women (that we deserved to be abused for dating men, that we dated nigels, that we were cocksucker, etc etc) but it doesn't mean radfem can make great points and achieve some purpose.

#answered #FDS #female dating strategy

[localspacelesbian]

@romaniuprising on instagram has a good post about how it’s offensive

i just checked it out, and i can 100% see where they're coming from. like i said, i will continue to do more research on this subject to be more informed. thank you for letting me know, and I'm sorry if my previous reply came off rude in any way. i didn't mean to, and i definitely didn't mean to assume you were white or that you didn't have valid reasons to be on anon. i hope you can understand why it would make me more hesitant to take your word for it, but i also understand why you would want to stay anonymous. thank you for sending another ask to continue the discussion

#my asks #lesbian flag discourse #when will we get a flag that isn't problematic in some way and also actually looks good?

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Lies!

It's another long one because so much happens in this episode! The episode starts with Marinette trying to figure out a "secret" within the grimoire. Literal first thought was that this "secret" may be the key to waking up Emilie. It's obviously going to be of huge significance later, anyway. By looking at that piece on Adrien, it does appear Adrien has an amazing life. And really, that's what a lot of people think. That's the point of featuring him. A life of a celebrity is pretty amazing, really interesting and fascinating. But it's also filled with a lot of stress, chaos, loneliness, etc. But viewers rarely ever see it. As for Marinette, while Adrien has said things about what his father allows that makes him sad, we haven't ever heard him complain to her in any way about that lifestyle. To her, he's a guy whose father has him busy with activities (interesting ones at that) and very rarely ever lets him spend time with friends. I love how this episode parallels Truth! But Adrien's POV. My boy has an episode centered around him, finally!

So we know her standing Chat Noir up is because Luka came by reminding her of a date she forgot she rescheduled. You know she's extremely distracted and stressed when she can't remember a date with Luka or a patrol with Chat Noir, or remember that she planned them at the same time. It's really not her fault, and I feel so bad for her that things are becoming so difficult. "No messages, but don't forget my cheese!" LOL this is perfect. Plagg has to get that reminder in wherever he can! The Chat Noir appreciation was so wholesome to see awww, I bet so many boys in Paris look up to him, so sweet x33 Mr. Banana, Chat Noir, and the man who frequently is Mr. Pigeon just chilling on a bench in the park together. What a scene! lol But Chat wanting them to be akumatized so he could see Ladybug. Big oof. He's going to get his wish, a few times over. Careful what you wish for, Kitty! "A glass of milk as usual, mister Chat Noir?" Okay so when Chat's down, he goes to that bar and has a glass of milk. Or more if he's having a bad day. Awwwww. If you think about it, Adrien probably isn't allowed to have milk. With the fat content and all. :/ Kagami lying to her mother and Nathalie/Gabriel just to spend some time with Adrien. Considering how difficult their lives are, that's pretty impressive to be so brave. Not too fond of the lying part though, since there's not a noble reason for doing so. But I can understand it. We found out Kagami's real passion: drawing! Which is pretty cool. That's one thing Kagami and Marinette have in common that'd make them good friends. Very sad how her blind mother tells her she's not good enough. That just tells you what she thinks of her daughter and what she wants her to do with her life. She's afraid she'll pursue the arts rather than something practical, so best shoot down any thoughts of being an artist now. And then, like with all episodes that have Kagami in them, this is where I start to dislike her. "I want to draw the real you, on the inside." Adrien makes various model poses, none work for her as she knows they're just him being a model. Then he actually poses as himself. A silly, goofy cat having fun and being happy. Adorable. "What do you think of... CAT?" deathglare "No, this is absolutely not natural." "Yes it is. I promise, this is really me!" "NO! This is you when you're acting like a clown!" Adrien looking hurt, "But maybe when I act like a clown, it's really me." Then she takes his hand, (gently) pushes him back up against the wall, her hands on his chest, "That way, that's who you really are." What way? Her telling him how to be is who he really is? He stammers, looking very uncomfortable. "But are you sure?" "Yes... you are perfect." Then she leans in to kiss him, while he's still looking uncomfortable. Right here, she's trying to tell him who he is. What kind of relationship is healthy and a good one one at that, when one side is trying to tell the other who they are, how they must act, etc? That's toxic. Keep in mind, after this scene, during Truth's attack. He found out that Ladybug actually in fact loves (said she prefers) the humorous, "clown" side of him. Yes, she only knows it as Chat Noir for now, but she actually appreciates and loves Chat for who he is. Kagami doesn't love nor appreciate that side of Adrien. Which is a very big and important side of him. We knew this in Ikari Gozen, she couldn't stand the thought of Chat Noir being compared to Adrien, pretty sure she even seemed offended by it if memory serves. But it's laid out more in Lies, it's more direct. (Marinette's done this too in the past, but when she's done it, her tone's more like pssssh please! while she looks off to the side, like she's mostly just telling herself that, to convince herself, rather than believing it.) Kagami thinks she knows Adrien, knows that him being funny and a clown is not the "real" him. Acting like she knows him better than he knows himself. Thinking he's perfect. That was a very hurtful thing to have said and you can see it in his expression the same kind of pain and hurt

he gets a lot. I also want to talk about how watching her back Adrien up against the wall like that and leaning into kiss him made me feel particularly uncomfortable. While they might have a little thing going on, he was clearly not comfortable by it and it just did not sit well with me. This entire scene was riddled with red flags. Adrien smiled at the end of that on his way out, yes, but having someone tell you you're perfect would seem like a compliment to you, wouldn't it? The one you like thinks you're perfect, thinks the facade you put up is perfect and anything less isn't okay with them. That'll end up so well! The almost kissing scenes this episode literally had me like

I'm sorry, I just feel so very uncomfortable by them, I can't help it. xD Just before Chat Noir sneaked up on Ladybug, he almost kissed Kagami right? And yet here he is, being a bit flirty, saying he's missed her on patrols. I also want to point out she tells him to stop with his stupid jokes, because she doesn't want to accidentally hurt him! She could've hurt him by scaring her like that. While she likes his humor, they're only problematic if it puts himself in danger or distracts them from fighting an akuma. "I promise I won't forget our patrols anymore." The looks that passed between LB and CN here is just so cute! OOOF as Luka walks away sad because Marinette had to run off, here comes Adrien, about to do the exact same thing as Marinette to Kagami... Now Kagami's not as accepting of him running off as she was just a little while ago.

Even Andre's like, what the heck was that?! His expression watching Adrien run off made me laugh, I had to share it. I was wondering how Adrien got to the boathouse before Marinette did, as it made it seem like Adrien was there long before Marinette was. He just ran in and started playing along where they were. Good lord, he has a lot going on too, doesn't he? Only difference from Marinette here is Adrien has a built-in and believable excuse he can tell his friends. Kagami's forceful "Adrien, it's time." "Five little minutes?" *shakes head sternly* Who does this remind you of in Adrien's life already? Is this what a good girlfriend, what a good friend would do? And here again is the pattern we see a lot with Kagami. She manipulates situations so that they can spend time together. Adrien wants to spend time with his friends AND girlfriend at the same time. Rehearsing for their band, it looks like. He rarely ever gets to spend time with others, be a normal kid. But no, she drags him away early, making it sound like they had to leave, but it's just her wanting him to herself. When he couldn't go to New York, oh well that's unfortunate you're sad, but we can spend more time together now, isn't that great? It's about what she wants, not what he wants or what's best for Adrien. She spends more time with Adrien (not counting Ladybug spending time with Chat Noir here) than anyone else does by the looks of it, and she doesn't even know him at all. It's really sad. Adrien still carrying around Marinette's lucky charm bracelet in his pocket x3333 This never fails to make me happy. But oof that boy's seriously going to lose it one of these days if he's not careful! There's something different about seeing the Ladynoir scene on the roof that we got in Truth, but from Adrien's perspective. Something about it feels like it means more to me, idk. Adrien gets caught in a lie, saying he lost something but found it. Kagami asked what it was, holding Marinette's lucky charm behind her back. He says it was the lucky charm Marinette gave her, as he's scrambling in his pocket to pull it out seeming a bit frazzled, but realizes he actually in fact lost it (again! he says). But Kagami caught him in that lie, showing him that she actually had it.

I'm not sure if he's so shocked because she actually had it and wonders how she got it, or if he looks like that because he just got caught in a lie. But the way his eyebrows raised a little makes it seem like he's surprised she had it after all and was testing him the whole time. I've always hated the way sometimes someone when in a relationship will test the other one like this. Really not fair in Adrien's case at all. Things aren't always as they may seem. And here's the thing, she's admitting to him that she's lying just to be with him. She lies all the time. Adrien caught on that she was lying, but didn't really understand why I don't think. Earlier in the episode he says, "What are you hiding, Kagami?" he didn't know her purpose for it. Now she says, "We're both liars, the difference is I lie to be with you. You. You lie to get away from me." Which is a yes but actually no situation. It's not that he doesn't want to be with her, it's that he needs to get away temporarily. It just looks really, really bad. Getting off track from that conversation briefly, but that scene where the akuma goes off into the night, with the blurred city lights that becomes clear. Just wow. That shot is beautiful, I can't help myself from playing it back and admiring it. I'm also totally digging the new transformation music! it gives me 90s vibes and makes me happy. Seeing Jagged after Truth is just completely different xD "I fear nothing, I am an artist! I still hold to my fans." Both Roth: "Wrong, you lie to them about your age!" "That's not Rock and Roll!" Had me rolling!! Jagged sure is something XD Chat just up and about to cataclysm the sphere, thinking he'd be okay because he doesn't lie. Except he lies all the time to protect his identity and get himself away from people so he can transform. xD Silly Kitty. The drone as a Lucky Charm is super cool! In Truth, Chat Noir said a truth about how he felt about Ladybug. In Lies, he tells lies to Lies to get her attention. "My name's not Chat Noir! I'm not a superhero! I hate Ladybug! And I think Hawk Moth should've called himself Panfly! It's funnier! Oh, I was about to forget: my favorite dish is cabbage with white sauce! Yummy!" Cabbage...with white sauce... as a dish. Is this like, a real fancy dish or something or is this boy being completely starved? o.o CN: "There are only two more liars left in Paris, and one of them knows how to turn his attention." LB: "No, wait! Don't do that! What if I'm mistaken?" "You know what? I trust you." he lets go, sacrificing himself again "Chat Noir, no! Don't do that! You're crazy!" "Yes, crazy for you, m'lady." Says softly, sadly, "No, you're just crazy unconscious." This ENTIRE scene right here. The love, the trust, the pain in this scene. It's so beautiful and well done that I can't stop getting emotional from it and gushing! Everything's on the line from that decision, and the trust he has for her, the faith he has in her really helps her know she can do what she needs to do. She's always doubting herself, and he's always there to say he doesn't feel that way at all, and it gives her that confidence and courage she needs. The moment Chat Noir is okay, the first thing Ladybug does is run up and smack him, grabbing him anxiously saying "Seriously, you need to stop doing this to me!" The girl is stressed seeing her partner sacrifice himself time and again! IF THIS BOY DOESN'T REALIZE JUST HOW MUCH SHE CARES ABOUT HIM AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. Any fan that still thinks Ladybug doesn't love Chat Noir and thinks poorly of him, clearly does not understand it at all. My Ladynoir heart is SO HAPPY! I was thrilled with them in Truth, but this is a totally different level. I'm almost in tears with how happy I am. And then I noticed something. I don't know if it's anything or not. But Chat Noir says to her, "Yes, but it's because I find that angry look of yours irresistable." and Kagami turns around to look at him, only him and never Ladybug. Just watching him. Which is a bit... odd. "Ahh, Ladybug..." he sighs. After what

just happened, I don't blame him! x3 These two are honestly fire. When D'Argencort has to step in to keep Kagami from hurting Adrien during fencing... Doesn't matter how upset she is, that's gross to physically take it out on him to the point a teacher has to intervene. Kagami tells Adrien she knows he's hiding something, but that he's sincere, too. But when he asks if they can't be friends then, she responds, "How can you trust someone who lied to you?" and finally gives him back the lucky charm. Ever since Gorizilla, I've been worrying of him losing it for good! Glad she gave it back to him. I've said it already, but he's really going to lose that thing if he's not careful! "When I'm ready to see you again, I'll let you know." and she just leaves. I get she's upset, he's been lying to her to get away when he's with her and all that. But this is worse than what happened with Lukanette. Luka wanted to actually know what was going on, he asked Marinette about it directly. She told him honestly, it's the one thing she can't tell him. Kagami on the other hand never actually asked. During one of the scenes when he was spacing out, she asked what was the matter is all. All she's cared about is that he's lied, and now that he's lied she can't trust him. Doesn't even want to hear him out, not that he'd explain it to her. Kagami doesn't even want to see Adrien for awhile now. At least Luka's more understanding and isn't as harsh being in the exact same situation. This poor boy... But it's also for the best. Marinette and Adrien both after breaking up with Luka and Kagami, decided to transform and meet up to just be in each other's company. They're both sad, but not especially so. "Do you know what the difference is, between us and the rest of the world, m'lady? We can't be completely honest with each other. We have our secrets, and sometimes we have to lie." Ladybug frowning hums in agreement. But at the same time, they both turn to each other and say happily "But we know we can trust each other!" finishing with a pound-it! IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL AND MY HEART IS HAPPY After Truth, where Luka and Marinette were so sad and having a hard time, I really needed such an episode with such good Ladynoir! It really looks like the story is going in a really good direction, in my opinion. x3

#ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml season 4 spoilers #ml spoilers season 4 #ml spoilers #lies spoilers #adrien agreste #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #it took me HOURS to write this up so sorry it's late #if I could only pick one ship to ship in the entire show #it'd be ladynoir #if you couldn't tell

[bondsmagii]

(cw: I'm about to get real crass about CSA because it makes me real mad and that's how I cope)

the cultural reaction to cuties is infuriating to me, especially how even defenders feel the need to criticise the hypersexualised camera shots for ""normalising sexualistion of children in film"". Like, this is a thing that is happening in real life, right now, folks! Real Life Kids commonly do dances like these, in clothes like these, in an attempt to copy adult women being framed in shots like that! That's basically a good fifth of Tik Tok! The shots being of kids instead of adults is intentionally horrific, because it's trying to highlight that that kind of societal gaze is what pressured them to do the dances and wear the clothes and everything else; to take a thing that we've all come to accept as normal (8 year olds online twerking to songs explicitly about sex) and make us see how horrific it is, so people might give a shit for once. (A real shit, not that Pizzagate-adjacent thing where people only bring it up in service of criticising something/someone they already didn't like, and never exploring why it's so prevalent to begin with). You know, the filmic opposite of normalisation?? It's incredibly disappointing that people's takeaway appears to be: "ew gross, look at how horny this camera is for literal children. Glad this absolutely isn't a thing that happens in real life that I will go straight back to ignoring while patting myself on the back for identifying this media as Problematic

And the idea that "a pedophile could get off to this" makes any sense as criticism! I guess pedophiles only get off to children in revealing clothing, huh? So all children need to do to avoid pedophiles is, uh... *checks notes* "dress less slutty". I *wish* I lived in a world where pedophiles were genuinely waiting on feature films to deliver them a few shots of children in revealing clothing, instead of trading real CP that has caused untold suffering. Sometimes it really feels like people are more invested in weaponising the idea of suffering children in rhetoric, rather than the welfare of real children. It's the same disconnect that makes it impossible to bring up things like early intervention programs for pedophiles without being called a pedophile yourself (a rich thing to call someone who was on the receiving end, and takes about a year off my lifespan every time).

Every time someone brings this movie up, I feel like I'm losing my marbles. Otherwise smart and insightful people seem completely willing to misread it in the most infuriating way possible. It's like it's the Asch conformity test, and I'm the rube in the last chair wondering whether I even watched the same movie as them. It's comforting to see at least one other person on this godforsaken planet comprehending that The Sexualised Children Shots Are Horrific On Purpose in this movie trying to push people out of complacency

honestly go off like I could not have said this better myself. this is exactly what's been pissing me off about the response to this movie and my post about it in general.

the cultural reaction to cuties is infuriating to me, especially how even defenders feel the need to criticise the hypersexualised camera shots for ""normalising sexualistion of children in film"". Like, this is a thing that is happening in real life, right now, folks! Real Life Kids commonly do dances like these, in clothes like these, in an attempt to copy adult women being framed in shots like that! That's basically a good fifth of Tik Tok!

this is what I cannot get my head around. like, people are freaking out over how this movie normalises the sexualisation of young children, but somehow miss the point that it's already been normalised. the movie would not be necessary if this hadn't already become a completely normal part of society. even walking around the shops in town I see children maybe 10 or 11 years old dressed like Instagram models, faces full of makeup, revealing clothing... it's honestly disturbing. these kids think that's acceptable, they think that's what they need to do in order to have worth, and it's terrifying. if I had my own children, I would be terrified for them. the movie is not the problem. why people can't direct this anger and outrage to websites like TikTok instead, I have no idea. probably because that would require actual work, and we all know these people are addicted to outrage and self-righteousness and absolutely allergic to any kind of effort to create real change.

It's incredibly disappointing that people's takeaway appears to be: "ew gross, look at how horny this camera is for literal children. Glad this absolutely isn't a thing that happens in real life that I will go straight back to ignoring while patting myself on the back for identifying this media as Problematic"

people get so offended when they're made to feel uncomfortable. I have no idea why. I'm trying to work out this thought process but it's simply beyond me. it baffles me that people can see something that's actually happening in the world, and instead of getting angry about the actual issue, they decide to attack the female director of the movie about said issue, who is writing from her own experience. like, how in god's name these people managed to miss the point so badly, I do not know. the manoeuvres they had to do to miss a point that big and obvious should make them all automatic gold medal winners in Olympic gymnastics.

(I do think that a lot of people yelling the loudest about Cuties have probably only seen the Netflix promotional poster and then devoured a bunch of Twitter threads highlighting the apparent problems and possibly a view video essays on YouTube showing the most dramatic and out of context shots of the girls, however.)

And the idea that "a pedophile could get off to this" makes any sense as criticism! I guess pedophiles only get off to children in revealing clothing, huh? So all children need to do to avoid pedophiles is, uh... *checks notes* "dress less slutty". I *wish* I lived in a world where pedophiles were genuinely waiting on feature films to deliver them a few shots of children in revealing clothing, instead of trading real CP that has caused untold suffering.

right? like. this point is so fucking useless. by this logic, we should ban everything with photos of children in it. if a paedophile is going to waste time going to see a full feature movie just to see some young girls twerking-- I mean, why would they in the first place? why would a paedophile do that when they can just sign on to TikTok and see thousands of hours of footage of young girls twerking? and if "revealing clothing" is all it takes, what's stopping this paedophile from going to the local pool and watching the kids in swimwear? what's stopping this paedophile from going and picking up a clothing catalogue and flipping to the pictures of little girls in dresses? the fact that people can compare the content of a feature-length film to actual CP fucking baffles me. like. it's actually insulting to compare things like that -- and by extension, any child on the street in a t-shirt or a dress or a skirt or a swimsuit -- to actual CP. like, who looks at a kid and thinks like that? if you want to stop paedophiles being creeps, you'd have to lock kids up in the house until they're 18 and ban all depictions of kids forever. paedophiles are gonna be creeps no matter what, and they're not going to bother with a full film when they can log onto TikTok and comment something creepy on footage of a real life child who might even message back and enter into communication with them. like, damn. why aren't more people getting mad and outraged about that?

Sometimes it really feels like people are more invested in weaponising the idea of suffering children in rhetoric, rather than the welfare of real children.

they are. "somebody please think of the children" is now the rallying cry of the right (all leading Democrats are secret paedophiles, the LGBT agenda is making Our Innocent Christian Children into perverts) and the left (problematic media is Harming Our Innocent Children, everything needs to be censored and squeaky clean so the Metaphorical Children don't stumble across it and think it's acceptable). it's the quickest way to get people outraged and it works like a charm. as soon as somebody starts rallying under the flag of protecting kids, it gives them a fast pass to power and influence. who wants to be seen to not care about kids? who wants to risk being called a paedophile or a child abuser? unfortunately their eagerness to declare everybody such has resulted in it losing its meaning. now when I see someone accused of paedophilia I no longer feel the usual revulsion but instead a tired suspicion followed by hours of research to determine if they are actually abusing children, or if they ship the wrong thing. to put the numbers into perspective, the one and only time I found out somebody was actually abusing minors, I was genuinely shocked because I had never found a true accusation before in oh, six years? which is unsurprising, seems I have been called a paedophile and told I shouldn't be around children because I like a villain from a YA series. as for real children, none of these people give a shit.

It's comforting to see at least one other person on this godforsaken planet comprehending that The Sexualised Children Shots Are Horrific On Purpose in this movie trying to push people out of complacency

that's exactly it right there -- it's horrific on purpose, but these people can't understand that. to them, literature and art and film is supposed to always make you feel good, and if it doesn't it's mean and abusive and you should have warned for it and also you're an asshole for making it in the first place. for people who only consume media to feel good, and only create it to feel progressive and wholesome, it's inconceivable why people would create something depressing or disturbing. because they're consuming media of only things they like, they assume everyone else is. ergo, if you make something nasty, it's because you're into something nasty. if you write about a murderous villain, it's because you want to be a murderous villain. if you direct a movie about children being sexually exploited, you must want to sexually exploit children.

these people cannot understand that art is supposed to teach and inform as well as comfort and coddle. some art is there to make you feel good, and other art is there to make you take notice of injustice and suffering and make you angry and upset enough to want to do something about it. these people do not understand that at all, and with this kind of logic they would try to ban Holocaust survivors from speaking at schools because it's too upsetting to think about, rather than paying attention to the message that such things get across. we cannot change society without empathy, and to experience empathy for something outside our own understanding and experience, we need to come into contact with people who have lived through it. we need to see it depicted. that's how we learn to feel for others. it puts a face to the suffering and makes it easier to stay motivated and stay mad.

but no. these people just want to be nice and fuzzy and safe. that's all that matters to them, and anyone who thinks they're wrong for doing it must be a paedophile or something. right. gotcha.

#long post #anon #asks

[queerchoicesblog]

A Few Words On Pride Month 2020

So, pride month has come at last. No matter how crazy it sounds right now as we're experiencing first-hand one of those events that will end up in history handbooks one day.

I'll be honest, it's quite difficult for me to talk about it now when everything that is not Mrs Rhona releted seems so well less relevant than it was before. But I want to share a few words that most likely nobody will read but I'll let them flow anyway.

I watch that video every single year during pride month. It's from a series I liked quite a lot back then, it's called Sense8. The character speaking is a trans woman, an lgbtq+ hacktivist, reminiscing her disastrous relationship with her transphobic mother yet finding strength in her own sorrow. There is a passage I love:

Today I'm marching to remember that I'm not just a me

But I'm also a we

And we march with pride

These words resonate with me: they summarise perfectly the deep empathy and acceptance that I feel should make us stick together. Both inside the lgbtqa+ community and as human beings: "I am a human being, and thus nothing human is alien to me". I'm quoting by heart a Latin playwright named Terentius (Terence in English, I guess?) so forgive me if I got something wrong but what I mean is...we should all care about each other because no matter our differences, our sexuality or color of skin or class, we are human. We are brothers and sisters: I'm an only child but I believe that the definition of a healthy family is one where people overcome differences that don't truly matter in the end, they don't define us as worthy or unworthy of love and respect which should always be given to another human being.

Unless there are valid reasons not to.

As the latest happenings in the world have shown, a hard truth we all know has been reinforced: we live in a cruel, unfair world where, as Nomi said, "hating isn't a sin on that list and neither is shame". A world where people get hurt or killed for reasons which can be hardly called a motive for violence: not being white, not being rich enough, being different, holding a hand or kissing a person of the same sex in the street.

We may comfort ourselves saying these fears were past fears, last century or even Victorian age fears but no, they're still out there. And we can't turn a blind eye.

The current pandemic added new ones, making our lives even more miserable. Speaking of the lgbtqa+ community, I think I can say the social distancing is hitting even harder. Does anybody feel lonelier now? I rise my hand, I do. I'm not referring to the fact that pride parades are cancelled (because we all know there is a freaking valid reason atm), but getting in touch with other people is way harder now. In my personal experience, getting in touch with fellow lgbtqa+ folks was rare even before the pandemic, now it's hella tough. In the street we hide our faces behind masks and don't have the same careless attitude we used to display. Shaking hands and even the lightest touch or proximity are not allowed under the new restrictions: a few weeks ago, over here a couple was charged for hugging each other in the street. How sad and dystopic are these times we live in...

Virtual meetings can help but they're not like in person meetings: the warmth of personal interaction is simply not there. We try but it's not there. Couples are separeted by lockdown rules and so are some families. Lgbtqa+ hotlines are a saving grace and I cannot stress enough how important they are and how anyone struggling with their mental health or literally anything concerning themselves, their gender and sexuality should feel free to contact those volunteers who are a blessing restoring a little faith in humanity.

My thoughts are for those of us who got stuck quarantining with homophobic/biphobic/transphobic etc parents or roommates, and those stuck in abusive contexts. Yes, even relationships because - I know I'll be super unpopular saying this but we can't lie especially to the minor or vulnerable ones- lgbtqa+ relationships can be abusive and toxic too. As I said, we're human and I am sick and tired of the honeyed sunshine rhetoric of lgbtqa+ people and love as an ever right and righteous safe haven. It is a safe haven for us to some extent but we must acknowledge there are problematic issues in our community. We have to be honest with each other especially for the sake not only of each other but for the vulnerable ones and the young. Like criticising or reporting abusers, predators, rapists and so on don't make us all filthy creatures who will burn on a stake for our abominable sins. It just makes us responsible and looking out for each other.

We spend so long dreaming of finding someone of the same sex to be with that when someone shows us any sign of affection our feelings for them grow fast, even when red flags or abuse enter our lives. We stay because we're hungry for love and crave what straighties seem to get so easily: love, acceptance, reciprocity. To the young and everyone who needs to hear this I wanna say: it doesn't have to be like that. Don't ever settle for cheap love only because you feel you will lose your only chance to be loved. There are good people out there too and you deserve one of them at your side. You will find them, your paths will cross: just be patient and never ever forget the importance of respect and consent.

To all those experiencing anything like the relationships or toxicity I mentioned, who feel silenced by the sunshine rhetoric, I say: you are not alone, stay strong and you did nothing wrong, others did and I'm sorry you're going through this cause you don't deserve it.

I share a similar shutout to those struggling with mental and/or physical disorders. If you ever felt pretty much invisible, you're not. I see you, many others see you and we're all rooting for you. You're stronger than you think and you're beautiful.

The not-as-unfortunate-as-the abovementioned but still quite forlorn are the star crossed lovers meeting that special someone in a bad time. Quarantine will see the blossoming of some romances but also takes no prisoners, blowing off others. They don't vanish though, in most cases they turn into those impossible loves and what if we love so much in the movies and hate in real life. I wish I could lay a blanket or pull into a tight hug all those going through this. Your pain is not irrelevant even if there are worst things in the world right now, our souls hurt for things like that. I hold your shaking hand wherever you are as you stare blankly at your phone, waiting for a message or a call that will never come, or you reminisce, listening to a romantic playlist you still have saved on your device. Your suffering is my suffering.

On a brighter side, cause I don't wanna be a complete downer, the luckiest ones among us are blessed with love and I can't be any happier for you, whoever you are. I can picture the one day a few years from now when I will be talking to someone and they will share their story saying how they met the love of their life during the pandemic. How it wasn't easy at first because of all the uncertainty and fears but they kept trying and it all started with a social distancing date at a park or via Zoom. You lucky ones, cherish that and never take what you have for granted: the love you feel and that special someone is showing you is a balsam in hard times. Please cherish it dearly and never stop loving: one day you'll warm these old bones and lonely heart if we ever get the chance to cross path.

Actually I don't have any more wisdom to share, granted what I wrote can be called wisdom, nor giveaway. I considered doing a lgbtqa+ one in honor of the pride month but I feel nobody would be interested. Or at least not by me and I fully agree: writing is getting hard and I feel like I risk of ruining everything I dedicate myself to, as I usually do in my life. I'll follow the tips of a few anons (I think?) and devote this month to educate myself over aspects, nuances or realities I am not fully familiar with: so I'll watch Pose and Sex Education. Hopefully I'll learn something new that might make me a better human being.

Feel free to share further advice: books, articles, movies, series, documentaries...you name it! Drop a message or an ask and I'll make what I'm starting now a lasting project!

That is my advice: if you're stuck inside with nothing much to do this month, find something that might enrich you, even a little thing, and go for it.

As well as reminding yourself the usual stuff: you are not wrong nor unlovable, you're not offensive or dirty for being attracted to your same sex or both or none. Not to quote Lady Gaga, but it's truly is that simple: you are born and beautiful this way.

Stay safe and stay strong, my darlings 🏳️‍🌈

Love,

E.

#pride month #pride month 2020 #random thoughts

[golden-redhead]

If that isn't a mood tho. Kaito is the exact type that I tend to be "meh" about, let alone in media where sometime personalities or quirks can be exaggerated. Let's just say I was rolling my eyes at him early on in Chapter 1, then by the time we got to the middle of Chapter 2 I was so invested in him that I always had to pause and gather myself every time the game had me scared for his life. Get those death flags away from my son or so hELP ME!!

I actually don’t know when exactly I started to love Kaito, I think I truly realized my love only after I finished the game, mostly because I was so invested in Kokichi and just overwhelmed by the story. But I remember in chapter 5 this moment of ‘oh god, they are both dead… no matter which one is the victim, they are both dead please no, why would you break my heart like that’.

But yeah, Kaito has no right to be as likable as he is. Normally he would be this kind of character that I just can’t stand, either because of how annoying he is or because of the fact that he steals the spotlight that I wish was on other characters. Also, his design, his character type, his extroverted nature, the fact that he doesn’t contribute that much during the trials… Yeah, normally all of that would be just distracting and boring and wouldn’t appeal to me at all, but. Somehow it isn’t.

I think part of the reason is that his positivity and trust in others is so completely different from Kaede’s, for example, and I always find it interesting. Many people compare their role in the game but I don’t think Kaede would achieve what Kaito did. He genuinely believes that everyone has something worth and good inside that they can offer to the world and he wants to get that out. He has his insecurities and one could argue that there is some underlying manipulative element to it all, since he builds his hero persona on this act of helping Shuichi and Maki to get out of their shells, but even despite that he truly believes in what he’s saying and his personal wish to be perceived as a hero isn’t his only motivation, it’s more like a bonus. I think what makes Kaito so unique is his good intentions and the fact that his heart is always in the right place. He has many flaws but he has an equal amount of good traits that form an interesting balance and make him realistic. He has this ability to learn and change and I think this is not something you see very often in characters like him. Also, he’s a walking shonen protag stereotype in many aspects but… he’s not a protag. That fact alone creates a very interesting narrative and what is even more surprising - he actually works as a supporting character. Also, I think the story makes very good use of him and makes a good point about how he’s the only person who could have done what he did. No one else could have sacrificed their life, even if they were already dying. And even if they did - their reasons would be completely different. And that’s something I really respect about both Kaito as a character and about the way he was written.

Also, his flaws are actually explained in the story, they don’t just appear out of nowhere. Many people dislike Kaito accusing him of homophobia and sexism and it’s kind of funny because they essentially focus on a line or two while ignoring his actual actions. I am not going to pretend some of Kaito’s problematic lines didn’t happen, because they did and I do remember cringing hard at his comment about girls and how they shouldn’t use guns. But the thing is that there are so many elements, like Japanese culture (and how normalized this kind of thinking is there), translation, the context, etc. that many people who hold it against him ignore to prove their point. Does Kaito have some problematic lines? Yes. Does he actually do anything harmful/problematic in the game? Well… no? What I like about Kaito is that he has the potential of growth. He was raised in Japan, surrounded by old people, of course, he would pick up some problematic ideas. But we also see him trying to be a better person throughout the entire game and his story arc ultimately ends up with him sacrificing himself so Maki and others could live. And yes, his argument with Shuichi is unpleasant and painful to watch but in the end, Kaito realizes his mistake on his own and tells Shuichi to not worry about it anymore. He knows that what he did was wrong. And earlier in the game, he went to apologize to Shuichi for yelling and punching him and offered him much needed support.

Kaito is not perfect. He’s loud, over-confident, has a tendency to be aggressive and is very prone to jealousy. But in all his flaws he’s also very human and I find it extremely relatable. I consider him to be a very good role model because despite all that he still finds this strength to work harder, to improve himself, to put others and their needs before his own. Some people say that Kaito doesn’t have a character arc but I personally adore his struggle with jealousy and insecurity and how his hero complex is both a source of his strength and one of his greatest flaws. It’s honestly so refreshing to see a character who is actively trying to be better and actually succeeding. Sure, he never reached his full potential but this is how Danganronpa works. One could argue that he has no character development but I really have to disagree here. It’s just subtle and connected with the fact that he’s a work in progress, he never reaches this moment of ‘ah yes, my development is complete’. We are used to watching characters in fiction whose character development is just going from point A to point B and ignoring the fact that it never works like that in the real world.

There’s always room for improvement and Kaito is a good example of that. Does he still have a lot to learn? Sure! But Kaito from the first chapter would never admit that he was wrong the same way Kaito in chapter 5 does. In his eyes, at the time it would have destroyed the persona he was trying to pretend to be. This is not the kind of character development characters like Kaito usually go through. If anything, characters like him usually just tend to grow more and more self-absorbed, self-righteous and become more aggressively dominant as the time goes. Kaito, when confronted, takes a moment to re-think his behavior and realizes where his actions are coming from and apologizes for them and/or actively tries to make things better. He does his best to empower Shuichi and help him overcome his insecurities. He’s genuinely proud of Shuichi when he’s making progress. He jumps in front of a fucking arrow to save Kokichi, even though he was arguing with him a few minutes earlier and after being kept captive by him for days. He accepts his execution and even spends his last minutes trying to encourage everyone and help them move on.

Kaito Momota is an amazing character and I love him so much. Sorry for all this rambling but I got very emotional and I think this is something that I wanted to say for a really long time.

#kaito momota #ndrv3 #danganronpa spoilers #danganronpa v3 #character positivity #analysis #ask #anon #shuichi saihara #ouma kokichi #maki harukawa

[rpbetter]

I noticed the earlier anon used the word feminist as a negative, when feminism, as it's defined, doesn't really have bias for women, it is about equality, if I'm not mistaken? So any "feminism" that comes with "man hating" is actually not feminism at all, but a messed up radical version of it. Something I think is important to remember, unless my own definitions are wrong? That's how we get scores of people denouncing "feminism" under the impression it's somehow bad for society or hateful. Sorry if this isn't rp related enough. I just notice this shift in definitions happening so much on Tumblr, even in the RPC with muns and muses, and I think that's scary.

No, this is absolutely related enough, and very much important enough! I should have said something, it was my intention, but intention doesn't stand well in the place of actually doing it, does it? Lesson for everyone on not hurrying things out! And I apologize for not having addressed that, I really dropped the ball there.

So, thank you for the opportunity to address it now, Anon!

Your definition is totally correct, yes, but for anyone who wishes to question that, let me put it below:

"belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests" - Miriam-Webster

Feminism is founded upon equality of the sexes, not the elevating of one above the other. That's literally the opposite of equality. Because women have historically been unequal, the movement is about achieving equality for women. Just because it focuses on women, as the unequal sex, does not mean it is only for women, only about women, only for/about women as defined by radicals, or the condemnation of men/those designated as men by radicals.

If you hate men, you're not a feminist.

Tumblr is incredibly bad for shifting definitions to suit. With using "feminism" in this way (unless the intention was to imply "feminism" as in, the false idea of it) I think the issue gets divided in its origin into people who have genuinely radical beliefs and those who want to feel like their beliefs are not radical.

You have people who are totally alright with being radical "feminists," their primary issue with this is that the more obvious signs of them being thus are picked up on and condemned. They have to put their shit out there in a way that doesn't register as being radical, and they do, so long as it isn't something tumblr is really good at recognizing. I don't just mean vaguely "on tumblr," I mean it everywhere on tumblr outside of those groups themselves.

That's great and all that anything is so recognized, but it means that less obvious shit slides through and is embraced, not infrequently in innocuous seeming ways in places like fandom and the RPC - ie: if you write a male muse as an afab mun when you clearly could've picked a female muse, you're perpetuating a problem of male preference. (Also male gaze, lack of female characters in media, female characters who are not as well developed as their male counterparts, and on and on and on, there's an argument for it all with these people.)

When people are willing to accept any external reason for why they feel slighted, they can get behind that kind of narrative. People also tend to not just want to be in a group, they want to be in the right group. A group that is the most vociferous in the correct way is going to be perceived as the right group. They didn't say anything that flagged them for being radical in ways that most of tumblr is going to recognize, so there isn't any reason to not adopt these ideas and speech patterns, right?

Then, you have people who do exactly that. They've either no clue that their behavior is exclusionary "feminism," which isn't fucking feminism, but we can't force them to stop calling it that, or they have some suspicions that what they say and do is...a little icky. If they say "feminism" enough times, that makes it true, riiiight? You can put a good spin on being shitty to male muns and muses and anyone you think might be amab with the things you put out there if you slap on the justification, preferably with Sass and Humor, that it's Feminism...right?

Yeah, no, absolutely not right lol but here we are.

So, tumblr adopts yet another term it honestly has no idea the true meaning of in order to justify, weaponize, vilify, excuse, etc. etc. etc. It's gross, and we should say it. Every time we use an important, real-life term incorrectly, that's actually something legitimately problematic we're doing.

It is scary because, if nothing else, it waters down the meaning. Like in throwing "fascist," "toxic," "gaslighting," "nazi," "ableism," and so on at fucking everything and everyone that one doesn't like or agree with. I genuinely believe that only, like, 20% of the RPC knows what "gaslighting" even is at this point.

At the worst, it means we're less able to recognize everything from true radfems to an abusive relationship.

Somewhere in between, and not to trivialize it, these things have the power of bullying and divisive bullshit in the RPC. What happens when you directly address someone's shitty behavior toward you, or say openly that you do not like it when people do something in RP? Well, you can't toss a grain of rice in the RPC without it hitting someone who is mentally ill or otherwise divergent, so...congratulations, you are now an ableist.

The idea of feminism is twisted and weaponized as well. I see a lot of extremely inappropriate commentary on men that makes the rounds, things that, even if they're not about RP or fandom, make male muns in the community uncomfortable and isolated when they're already a minority in most of the RPC. It is reflected in fandom as well, with the way male characters are viewed and treated being addressed as though it is a strike for feminism to treat men, real and fictional, in ways that women have been subjected to. When anyone takes issue, they're sexist, misogynistic, taking it too seriously, and/or anti-feminist.

When all of that is against the foundation of feminism.

It's not alright, and we should be more aware of the words we're using. They have actual meaning, that meaning is important.

I don't think that the other anon meant it that way, I think they are just, firstly frustrated, secondly, have run into the people in the RPC who pull this kind of thing with the backing of their warped "feminism." So, I don't want that anon to feel like they're being drug or anything, this is just a lesson for all of us to be more careful about what we're saying when we describe situations!

Even if you think you know (especially a particularly "charged" one) a term inside and out, double check it now and then anyway through an impartial source to be certain before you speak. There's no shame in being careful!

(in reference to this response)

#answered #anonymous

[logicalstansadvice]

Your anon about when it's brought up later would be a good time to apologize. I know I'm going to be in the minority here but I'm not exactly sure what he has to apologize for. Did it look good to travel to Ibiza and not wear a mask? No. It was reckless, showed his white privilege and was hypocritical after his previous comments. But it wasn't actually wrong. Spain opened it's boarders in late June and let him into the country knowing he lived in US, didn't require people to wear masks, Part 1

Part 2 and wanted tourists back to contribute to the economy. I deal with people every day who don't wear masks (even though it's required here) and I don't expect them to apologize. Who should Seb apologize to this for anyway? His fans? Because he didn't turn out to be the person they thought he was or the role model they want him to be or didn't use his celebrity in the way they think he should? I fell like he's be apologizing for every choice he makes in his life if he started down that path. Part 3 He is an adult who has no responsibility to anyone for his decisions. If fans don't like the way he lives his life then they have the choice to stop fanning and supporting him. Should he apologize for a post made by someone he's involved with? Isn't that her responsibility to apologize for the things she's done, not him? Everyone acts like he should have had her 'checked out' to see if she was problematic but I think that is, well honestly, ridiculous. Sure you might check out the IG Part 4 or FB or TW of someone new in your life, but do you read every post, every comment with a fine tooth comb? I don't. You look for obvious things, pictures of confederate flags say. Ale's problematic posts weren't obvious at first glance. You had to read the comments she made and put the pics in context to realize the problem with them. If he had been given the time to get to know her on his own he would have found out on his own if she was racist instead of being attacked with her past. Part 5 Should he apologize for the 'problematic friends' he has? Over this last year I've become friends with a client's mother. Really enjoyed talking with her, got along great, shared common interest, similar sense of humor. Then one day politics came up, 5 months after I'd gotten to know her. She's an ardent Trump supporter and I'm not to say the least. We didn't stop being friends, but we no longer discuss politics. We don't share every belief our friends have. Seb may or may not share Part 6 all his friends beliefs. Maybe they also focus on the common ground. So maybe Don is a Trump support or his friends live a bubble of white privilege. So what? I feel like we've lost the ability to give proper weight to things. Everything is black and white, no gray. Everyone is treated the same no matter the level of what offense they committed. A child molester and someone who does something stupid are treated the same and they shouldn't be. So again, should he have to apologize to fans Part 7 (sorry this got so long) because his friends don't meet the standards his fans set of who he should associate with? Also again, if you don't like who he spends time with you are free to stop being his fan. Should he apologize for blocking fans? We don't know if HE blocked anyone. Everyone seems torn on if the SS are real or fake. Don't know if his PR did the actual blocking or IG blocked some because they were spamming. People are expecting him to apologize for something that he may not Part 8 have actually done. I feel like we need the facts on this before we say what should be done about it. I'm not saying he hasn't made some choices that 'look' bad but that he's actually done nothing wrong. Nothing he needs to apologize, especially to fans, for.

You should want to be better, do better, especially when you go on a rant and then turn around and do the same thing.

He doesn't need to apologize for his hypocrisy, he just needs to not be a hypocrite. It ain't that hard.

I expect people's words to line up with their actions. When there are lives are at stake and one side is actively engaged in oppressing the other, there is no gray area. As a woman of color, *I* don't have the priviledge of ignoring Trump supporters in my entourage. There is no discussion possible.

Sidenote: for the love of God anon, next time just do a submission instead of 8 asks. Please.

Ruby Woo

#Logical Stans Advice #Anonymous #anon asks answered #anon asks #asks answered