#when they were young | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dracocheesecake · 1 year

Text

Words Hurt (But Fists Hurt More)

Summary: A new boy in young Kai's village turns out to have a smart mouth. Kai makes him regret it.

Warnings: Racism, slurs, violence, some blood

--------------------------------------------------

There was a new family in the village. They were antelopes, a lovely, well-to-do family of five: the mother, father, revered grandparents, and young son.

The boy was Kai's age: about ten years old, and that's all Kai knew, and he cared even less. One more child in the village meant nothing to him, unless the boy might by chance want to be his friend- but Kai had long stopped hoping for such things. His bad temper and rough playing had driven away all current prospects in that regard, and he had begun to accept that it was simply his place to be feared.

Not that he minded, really (or, at least, he told himself he didn't mind). At this early age, he had already learned that being feared came with privileges. The other smaller, more delicate children would immediately give him a wide berth if they saw him walking by, and whenever he had a request, it was quickly granted (usually, he knew, as a means to buy his absence).

Again, Kai assured himself that this was just how things were supposed to be, and that he wanted it this way. Still, it wouldn't necessarily hurt to get a look at the kid- check his prospects for potential "friendship". He wouldn't approach Zixin directly, of course; no need to seem desperate. He would just walk by him, and if Zixin had sense he would recognize how cool Kai was and try to befriend him.

That was the plan currently in action. He was walking towards the toy shop after school (just to look- no way could his family afford such nice things for Kai to inevitably break, and he could just steal them from someone else, anyway). To get there, though, he had to pass through some back alleys of the village where the children would gather to play games. Today, however, it had been turned into a sort of convention where Zixin, as the new rich kid, was officially presented, investigated, and introduced to the rest of the village children; the teacher had done a fine job of telling them his name, but he had been careful to keep himself somewhat distant, a tantalizing mystery that would unveil itself on his own terms.

Kai could admit to himself that he admired this practiced nonchalance, and the way Zixin already so brilliantly used it to attract the others. He glanced at him as he passed by: tall for his age (like Kai), not yet grown into his horns (like Kai), and handsome in the subtle, slim way the little girls liked (unlike Kai, but he wouldn't be the first to admit it). In short, he was going to be popular.

There was a piglet in the street, and he brushed past Kai as he ran over to the new boy. The antelope saw this and flinched back suddenly at his approach, making a big show of brushing off his hanfu- a piece of silk as fine as his family.

"Hey! Watch it," he said, "I don't want any mongol fleas."

He said it loud, so loud Kai couldn't help but hear. The calf paused where he was, his ear flickering around towards the conversation.

The little piglet who had brushed against Kai blinked. "What?"

Zixin smirked and tossed his head in Kai's direction. "You know. Everyone knows the Mongols have fleas. I heard one of them stuck around. Ain't that right?"

This last part was definitely addressed to Kai. His muscles tightened, his breathing hitched. He slowly turned towards him.

"What?"

The antelope smiled, too pleasantly. "Your mother, of course," he said. "Everyone knows the yaks are a bunch of flea-ridden savages. I just wanted to make sure you didn't give me any of hers. She passed them down to you, didn't she? I heard they're like an heirloom in those families."

It wasn't clever- both the nature of the insults, and saying them at all. The other children, those who knew Kai, all grew tense, until a silence covered the entire alley. Zixin was still oblivious. He very wrongfully assumed that it was admiration.

Kai looked at him, unblinking. "...We don't have fleas," he said, low, almost a mumble. The other children knew what this entailed, and were beginning to back away; Zixin didn't.

"Sure you don't," he said smugly, but then reached up to cover his nose. "But I wouldn't be surprised if you had flies, with that mongol stench and all."

Those prospects for friendship vanished, but new opportunities for animosity immediately opened. Kai grinned and started walking towards him. His father's words rang softly in the back of his mind, already admonishing him for what he was about to do, but he- as always- ignored it.

"I'm not doing anything wrong, Dad," he thought, "this guy started it. I'm just defending mom's honor, and mine, too."

Zixin finally seemed to realize what he had brought upon himself. His eyes widened as he saw Kai's actual height, no longer mitigated by distance, and he pushed away from the wall, trying to make an escape- but it was too late. Kai grabbed him by the front of his shirt, lifted him, and pinned him with an ease that came from plentiful practice.

"Say that again," he said, almost conversationally.

A few of the other kids scrambled away, too squeamish for the sight that was sure to follow. Those with harder stomachs stayed, some out of pity, but most of them just to watch the spectacle. Good, Kai thought: he wanted them to watch him make an example.

The antelope in his grasp squirmed, scrambling desperately at Kai's hooves.

"H-Hey, calm down…I was just joking-"

Kai slammed him into the wall. "No, you weren't," he snapped, and the boy flinched, as did a few of the other children. "Say it again. Say it to my face. Tell me I stink."

Zixin raised his hooves. He was shaking like a leaf.

"I-I don't- I-I only meant-"

Kai slammed him into the wall again, harder.

"Apologize!" He roared.

Zixin started crying. "I'm sorry!" He sobbed.

Kai snorted and threw him on the ground. "No, you're not," he said, "but you're gonna be."

The antelope tried to crawl away, but Kai grabbed his legs and dragged him back. He started to wail, and Kai stomped on him, leaving muddy hoofprints on his nice clothes. It was satisfying, so satisfying- but they weren't done yet. Kai wanted to ensure he would never speak ill of him and his mother ever again.

He kicked the boy onto his back and straddled his waist, then began punching him. Now the children who had stayed began to scream and run away. None of them dared to stop him. They all knew what would happen if they tried: Kai was bigger and stronger, and his temper was like a demon's when it flared up.

Now it was an inferno. All he saw at that moment was red, spreading all over the antelope’s face the harder Kai hit him, splattering everywhere, mixing with tears. He felt a bone crack under his knuckles, Zixin’s sobs melded into a ceaseless wail of pain, and Kai’s grin broadened. The rage began to border into a euphoria unlike anything he had previously known. He hit the boy harder.

“Kai!”

The sudden shout broke through to him. He knew that voice. His grin faded, and he looked up, twisting around to stare into his father’s horrified and angry face. Never before had he seen such an expression before- and the fact that his father was looking at him that way sent a chill down his spine.

He paused mid-punch, but his bloody fists already condemned him. His anger vanished.

Bingwen reached over and grabbed his calf by the ear (the boy not yet having grown enough horn to grab onto), and snatched him off of poor Zixin.

“Kai!” He said again, turning his son to face him, “What is wrong with you, boy?!”

Kai swallowed. “I-I was…he-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Bingwen pointed to a spot by the wall. “Stay there and don’t move until I tell you to.”

At other times, Kai might have circumvented the order, only half-following it to deliberately press his father’s nerves; but not today. He sounded angry. Actually angry, rage sharpening his tone in a way Kai had never heard before, a way that did not tempt disobedience. He stood by the wall.

Bingwen crouched beside Zixin, gently helping him into a sitting position and cleaning his face with a handkerchief. He murmured softly to him in soothing tones, comforting him- as if he was the victim in this! Kai could see the antelope clinging to the front of Bingwen’s shirt, sobbing even more pathetically, no doubt to make Kai look worse.

He grinded his teeth and clenched his bloody fists harder. If his father weren’t there, he would have beaten him into the dirt; But his father was there, and was angry with him, and Kai didn’t want to make him angrier. As of yet, though, he wasn’t extremely worried: all he needed to do was explain what had happened, how he had been insulted, and his father would surely understand.

Bingwen scooped the little antelope up in his arms and shot his son another glare before turning and heading for Zixin’s home. Kai still didn’t dare move. His father was gone for a while, leaving him to think of what he was going to say to get himself out of this situation.

The truth, of course: he wouldn’t think to tell his father anything differently, as he had been the true victim. He leaned against the wall and inhaled deeply. As his heart rate slowed, he began to imagine the ensuing confrontation: his father would come back angry still, would demand an explanation, and this Kai would give willingly; and then his father would understand, would soften again, and apologize for having been so rash.

By the time this pleasant daydream had been reenacted in his mind almost six times over (each version of his father's apology more histrionic than the last iteration) he was almost excited to see Bingwen again. He looked up at him, ready to delve right into the whole account of things, until he saw his father's face. Never before had he seen such an expression on him.

To say he looked tired wouldn't be an apt description in the least. It was more like a deep disappointment had touched his soul, extinguishing any and all positive feeling until he was left as a shell of himself- a shell filled with melancholy resignation, the final stage of deepest disappointment. Kai saw it, and immediately shut his mouth. Bingwen looked down at him for a long time in silence. Finally he turned and sighed again, folding his arms behind his back.

"...Come, let's go home." He gestured with his tail for his son to walk beside him. Kai obediently followed.

They walked in silence the entire way home. It was only after Bingwen closed the front door behind them that he spoke again.

"Tell me what happened." It was a calm statement, but Kai was not fooled. Still he told him everything, truthfully, without sparing a single detail. Bingwen listened in silence. Even when Kai finished the silence remained. He no longer expected his father to apologize.

Another moment passed. Bingwen sighed again. "...So you broke the boy's nose and beat him bloody because he insulted you and your mother?"

Kai furrowed his brow a little. He didn't understand why that would matter. He shook his head, realized that his father still had his eyes closed, and then replied.

Kai nodded. His father understood that, at least, though he didn't sound like he supported his decision. This confused him- hadn't he been right to do so? Zixin had deserved it.

Bingwen closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply. "Kai, please tell me Zixin laid a hand on you, at least."

"No," he said.

Bingwen opened his eyes to glare at him again. "So he only insulted you, and you beat him into-"

"He insulted Mom, too! He deserved it! Why can't you-"

Kai realized that he was about to be disrespectful, and by raising his voice, had already been so. He snapped his mouth shut and looked at the floor, his face hot. He felt his father's sad, tired eyes on him.

Bingwen inhaled and removed his glasses, pinching and rubbing at the space between his eyes.

"Go to your room," he said calmly, with, to his credit, only a hint of exasperation in his tone, "until I am calm enough to speak to you again."

Kai bit his lip. That was not a good sign. Still, he obeyed, going to his room and closing the sliding door behind him. An anxiety started to gnaw at the pit of his stomach, but not hard enough to extinguish his anger- that was always present, just under the surface, insatiable- but it did give him a semblance of calm for the moment.

He sat on his bed and pulled his knees up to his chest. The day's events played over in his mind, and as he recalled them, he recalled also his father's expressions: horror, anger, disappointment. All of it, directed at him.

Now the anxiety sharpened its teeth as it gnawed, and he began to question himself. Had it been right to beat Zixin up? The boy had said nasty things, but Bingwen- his wise, kind father- had rushed to comfort him after Kai's beating. Should he have acted differently after Zixin said those things? Could he have acted differently, and had he been expected to?- He was being punished for it, after all.

And the worst part was: he had somehow made his prestigious, kind father disappointed in him- not just disappointed, but angry. Bingwen never got angry with him! Kai felt hot tears welling in his eyes; but then his own anger welled with them, growing until it drowned out any other feelings of remorse or guilt.

"What does he know, anyway?" He thought furiously, crossing his arms. "He didn't hear all the mean things they said about me and mom."

And what else was he supposed to do? Just let that kid call him and his mother slurs? He had been asking for it. It wasn't Kai's fault if the other boy couldn't pick his fights.

He smiled a little at the memory of Zixin's bleeding, tear-stained face. The sheer satisfaction of it! How could anyone- most of all his father- have thought that wrong? Anger again took hold.

His mother would understand better. It was almost time for her to come home; his father might explain what had happened, and then surely his mother would help him come back to his senses. Then Kai would get an apology…though at this point, he no longer fostered hope.

And he had been right not to. When his mother came into his room and woke him from his nap, her face showed that she sided with his father. Kai sat up. Khaltmaa frowned down at him.

"Your father told me what happened today," she said in khalkha mongolian. She always spoke to him in mongolian when they were alone- his father understood the language well, it wasn't out of secrecy that she did this, only to preserve some of the heritage she hoped to pass down to him.

Kai spoke it back to her fluently. "He told you I hit Zixin?"

"He told me you beat him until he was bloody."

Kai didn't like the way she said it. She was a warrior herself, couldn't she see the value in defense? It was her job; but of course he didn't voice such disrespect. He looked down at his knuckles, the blood on them only just drying. He wiped them on his pants and bit his lip.

"...He deserved it." He hated that he mumbled like a child when he said it, but it was either mumble or let his building sobs break free, and his mother would especially disapprove of the latter.

"Did he hit you?" His mother asked. Kai didn't respond.

Khaltmaa placed her hand on her son's shoulder. "Kai. Did that boy. Lay a hand. On. You?" She asked again, more firmly, more slowly.

Kai ground his teeth and shook his head, but still didn't look up. "...No, but-"

He didn't see it, but he knew that his mother's heavy brow had furrowed, just because of the note in her voice. "So he said a mean word or two, and you hit him?"

"It wasn't just a mean word," he said, "he said a lot of mean things- especially about you."

"Like what?" She seemed curious, but not pressed, as if it didn't really matter to her.

Kai hung his head. Tears welled in his eyes, though he quickly blinked them away and steeled his voice. It hurt him to even repeat any of the insinuations, much less to his mother.

"He called you a flea-ridden savage," he said, "and that you smelled, and had flies, and that meant I had all of those things, too."

Again he remembered the look on the antelope's face as he had said it, the self-satisfied, arrogant meanness of that smirk, and he grinded his teeth.

"...He said it like it was true…Like I should be ashamed to be your son."

Khaltmaa cupped his cheek in her hand, brushing her thumb along it. She wiped a tear from his eye.

"Are you?"

"No!" He cried, and meant it full-heartedly. He reached up and held his mother's hand in his, nuzzling into it fiercely. "Never! Never ever!"

"Then why did it matter?"

"...Because he thought he could make me feel that way. He thought he was going to get away with it. He had to learn a lesson."

"And so do you, my ferocious little Bātar," she said affectionately, though firmly, kissing his forehead. "A lesson about controlling your anger- knowing when to hit someone and when to stay your hoof."

Kai huffed, but didn't release her hoof, instead holding it tighter in his growing frustration. "But he deserved it."

"Maybe. That still did not give you the right to hurt him. If I hit everyone who insulted me, I'd be punching people all day."

"That sounds awesome!" Kai said. Khaltmaa frowned down at him, and he looked away, his face flushing. His mother sighed.

"You will understand one day," she said, "until then, you stay here. Go back to bed, and in the morning…Well, we will see what it brings."

She kissed him again, and then left the room (but not before criticizing the 'mess' of two toys being left out) and closed the sliding door softly behind her. Kai watched her shadow leave with the sound of her fading hoofbeats. There was silence…and then he got angry again.

He huffed, puffed, hyperventilating until he could barely breathe. Immediately he turned back to his bed and began punching it, then ripped off the scant covers, pillows, and single stuffed cow. He threw it all across the room and again punched the mattress, then buried his face in it to muffle his sad and angry screams; the last thing he needed was one of his parents to come back in here and scold him for having a tantrum.

Eventually he ran out of breath. Kai slunk against the wall, tears streaming down his face, though he tried to wipe them away just as fast as they fell. He didn't dare sob- he wouldn't allow himself to. It hurt his chest, but that was fine. The toughest warriors braved through worse.

The pain in his fists flared up, but he clenched them harder. This, too, was now a source of growing pride; the fact he was strong enough to bear such pain without complaint, and that he had had the strength to put himself through such to begin with, and for good cause. Who cared what his parents thought about it? In Kai's mind, when someone spat insults, they were asking to be beaten.

Zixin had deserved it. How come no one else seemed to think the same? Why was he still being wronged? His fists tightened until it became almost too painful to bear. He bit his lip again.

He was still angry, but his punishment would give him time to think. Time to plan. He had been wronged, very much so, but he would correct it. It had all started with that antelope- if it weren't for him, Kai wouldn't be in trouble to begin with.

An idea dawned on him. He was still too angry to smile, but the feeling was there. There might be a way to pay Zixin back, though he would have to be careful, and patient, and those were concepts Kai wasn't used to. He didn't want to sneak around, and he especially didn't want to get himself into more trouble (something he would get either way, if he was found out)...

But he did want revenge.

****

The next day dawned, and the next few after that; Kai had been sentenced to six weeks of house arrest and hard labor (meaning he was grounded and would have plenty of chores to fill the ample free time). Zixin's parents had settled for this, though they would have preferred something harsher, something involving a bamboo rod to a bare back- but through the elaborate pathos on Bingwen's part, interwoven with many apologies, their compassion had been awakened, and they had accepted the gentler punishment.

And they, being better parents, also took the opportunity to teach their son a valuable lesson:

"You must remember," they had said, as Zixin's nose was being reset by the town doctor, "that when the boy apologizes to you at the end of his punishment, you must show magnanimity. You must accept his apology like a man, and you must be compassionate and not repay the evil. After all, it is not his fault that his mother is a mongol savage, and taught him that such behavior is acceptable."

Both the lecture and the resetting process had been painful, but once the wound had been dressed and allowed to heal for a few days he began to feel a little better, well enough to play again. His parents consented, on the condition that if he must play, he would only do so gently. Zixin could agree to this.

Now he stepped out of the back door of his home, trying to resist the urge to rub the bandage on his face as the Spring air irritated it slightly. Damn pollen. He rubbed at his forehead, where a headache was starting to form. When he pulled his hand away, he noticed a few gray hairs, blown onto his face by the wind.

Yak hairs.

"Hey."

Zixin turned quickly. In the shadows, right between a thick overgrowth of flowering viburnum macrocephalum bushes and the house, a young calf stood leaning against the wall. It was Kai. Zixin shivered, almost rooted to the spot by fear.

He most certainly wasn't here to beg forgiveness; he could see it in his eyes. He was going to hurt him.

"Are-aren't you supposed to be grounded, or something?"

"I got out early," Kai said casually. He pushed away from the wall and started to approach Zixin. The small antelope started to back away. Kai smiled.

"What? Why the distance all of a sudden? You don't like my smell?"

Zixin had the decency to look away. "...I really didn't mean that…you know, back there. You don't smell…er…that-that bad…"

Kai raised his brows. "Oh, you didn't mean it?" He tsked. "I think you did."

He stepped closer. Zixin flinched, pressing his back against the wall. Kai smiled even more. He liked that the antelope was afraid of him. He should be. It served him right.

Kai easily pinned him with one hand. Zixin didn't bother fighting back. He gazed up at Kai with wide, frightened brown eyes, his knees shaking.

"...Please, please don't hurt me," he pleaded, barely a whisper.

Kai grinned. "Too late."

And then he beat him again- not so much as to leave visible traces where any adults could see, but enough to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget. Zixin, for his part, at least didn't act like a coward. He stayed relatively quiet throughout the long, painful duration of the beating with barely more than a grunt or a moan, though one scream would have gotten him adult help.

Once Kai felt that justice had been done to his personal satisfaction, he finally dropped him. Zixin crumpled to the ground, whimpering weakly between shallow breaths. Kai shook out his fists, his busted knuckles throbbing, though his smile never once faded. Damn, that felt good.

He could have left there, but he felt the message wasn't yet clear enough. He nudged Zixin's cheek with his foot until he looked up at him.

"If you tell anyone what I just did, I'll knock all of your teeth out so that you'll have to borrow your grandpa's dentures. Got it?" Kai said.

Zixin sniffled, but nodded. Kai bent down.

"...And if I hear another mean word about 'mongol stench', 'fleas', or anything else…" he didn't finish his sentence; he found that threats worked even better when the other person filled in the blanks.

Zixin nodded again. Kai kicked him in the stomach one last time and then turned to go back home- no need to rush. His mother would be guarding the perimeter of the village, and his father would still be asleep. He could sneak back in easily without waking him, and no one besides him and Zixin would ever know- and of course the antelope wouldn't dare snitch after the warning he had been given.

Vengeance was his.

#kung fu panda #kai #not yet general supreme warlord maker of widows #kfp ocs #kung fu panda 3 #when they were young #i am cringe but i am free #fanfiction #my writing #featuring headcanons

9 notes · View notes