#when my memories of traumatic events were gone

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: Violent Innocence

Plot: A separated Joel and Y/n work different angles to try and best David and his men.

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: canon-typical violence, implied attempted SA, insinuated abuse, c*nnibalism, knives, guns, blood, wounds, language, loss of a child, ptsd, (16+)

A/N: This was a hard, hard chapter to get through, guys. If the quality of my writing isn’t up to its regular standard, it’s because it was truly emotionally taxing to write. I’ve also left out descriptions of certain events/discoveries/dialogue in an effort to keep the 16+ rating.

As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist who does not have their age/range in their bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

I advise everyone to take a breather, or just skip to the end of the chapter, if it’s too much to handle. Ep.8 was traumatizing and I don’t fault anyone for not wanting to put themselves through it again. I’m so looking forward to finishing out this series with y’all and the finale tonight. Thank you thank you thank you for your constant support and encouragement ☀️

——————

Unlike the movies, where the main character on the verge of death is miraculously returned to the living, Joel did not wake with a start. Still lost in the haze of blood loss, hunger and medicinal side effects, his eyes hurt to open. He registered the room, remembering being dragged down a flight of stairs and falling into a mattress.

One memory dripped down before the flood unleashed.

Ellie and Y/n.

Stay awake.

Men coming.

Leading them away.

Kill them.

The footsteps on the floor above startled Joel, the ticking clock and the realization that Ellie and Y/n were gone motivated him to roll off the bed. He stifled a groan, hurrying to his feet, clutching the knife that Ellie had placed in his palm. He wobbled his way to the rear of the room, falling against a water heater that could conceal him.

Joel listened for the footsteps over the blood pounding in his ears.

They crept through the room.

He waited…until the man finally passed the heater.

Joel couldn’t have possibly known that it was the same man who, five minutes before, had clubbed Y/n and ordered David’s men to shoot her and Ellie. But he slashed his knife through him as if he’d watched it happen.

After wrestling the man to the ground and assuring that he was dead, Joel rolled off him, wheezing for breath. He tried to gather his thoughts on his back. There were more men, all looking for him, Y/n and Ellie. They weren’t back yet, which meant they’d either been kidnapped or killed. Most likely kidnapped, so long as Ellie’s bite wound hadn’t been visible. Tortured, maybe, or worse.

Joel inhaled as deep as he could and began to drag his body across the floor towards the stairs. Towards his girls.

—————————

Y/n leaned her head back against the concrete wall, wondering why the fuck there was a cage inside a kitchen.

She’d carried Ellie into it, the butt of David’s follower’s rifles pressing into her back as they forced her in. They’d both been stripped of their winter coats and weapons. She had yet to get any answers as to why they wanted them there or what they were planning to do to them. Ellie hadn’t woken up, leaving Y/n on her own to try every conceivable possibility to escape. None had succeeded.

David entered then, finally gracing Y/n with his holy presence. He pulled up a seat across from the cage, smiling politely.

“How is she?”

Y/n turned her head, indignant at the fact that David’s men had shot at them, caused Ellie’s injuries, and yet he had the nerve to inquire about her wellbeing.

David tried a different approach, “I know this all must be a bit strange…”

Y/n bristled, “I lived in Texas, I’ve seen a lot weird shit, but, uh,” Y/n took a look at her surroundings, “Yeah, a jail cell next to a butcher’s block is an unusual feature.”

“We only use it when necessary,” David held up two innocent hands, “I’d love to explain our community more to you, but it’d be nice to know your name first.”

“Beyonce,” Y/n answered without hesitation.

The preacher chuckled under his breath, “You’re very quick. Stepping in to portect your daughter, your…what, your husband? Boyfriend?”

Y/n had been interrogated so many times, had sustained so many injuries in FEDRA lockup, that there weren’t many tactics that could work on her. David trying to get a feel for her and Joel’s relationship was a waste of breath.

He sighed, tapping his hands against his knees in wait. “You know we’re not here to hurt you,” he said softly.

“Gee, I wonder where I would have gotten that idea,” Y/n retorted, “What with my fucking head splitting and my kid unconscious on the floor.”

“An unfortunate turn of events, yes,” David corrected her, “But we’re protective of our own. You can understand that, can’t you?”

Y/n didn’t move a muscle, staring David down, “Oh, yeah. We’re one and the same there,” she cracked a smile, vengeance practically dripping from her lips, “And that should scare you.”

David, however, only found her threats mildly amusing. He exhaled with a small laugh, Y/n rather preferred being underestimated. It caused people to leave their weak spots exposed. She was sure if she looked hard enough, she could find David’s.

Beside her, Ellie finally began to stir, drawing Y/n’s attention. She scurried to place her hands on Ellie’s back, helping the girl to sit up.

“Me and your mother were starting to worry you wouldn’t wake up,” David said.

Ellie’s vision was blurry and her entire body hurt, her words didn’t carry their usual edge as she told David, “Let us out.”

“Well, that’s certainly the goal,” David nodded, “Hungry?”

“Why are we in a cage?” Ellie hazily took in their surroundings.

“Because I’m afraid of you,” David gave the same calm smile he’d given Y/n, “You’re a dangerous person. You’ve certainly proven that. The others want me to kill you two for what’s happened.”

Y/n held Ellie steady as she got to her knees, neither of them particularly alarmed by David’s words.

He leaned forward, “Did you hear me say the others wanna kill you?”

“Yeah,” Ellie breathed.

“But I stopped them.”

“Fuck you,” Ellie said on behalf of both her and Y/n.

“Why don’t we just start with your name?” David asked once more.

Ellie didn’t miss a beat, “Eat shit.”

“Hey,” David’s voice rose, “Listen to me!”

As he got to his feet, Y/n did as well, coming to meet him at the cage wall as Ellie scurried to the far end of their prison. Y/n wanted to rip into him purely for startling the girl.

“You can’t survive on your own,” David continued, his eyes looking past Y/n to land on Ellie, “No one can. But I can help you,” his gaze finally flicked up, “Let me protect you two.”

“We don’t need your help or your protection,” Y/n enunciated every word clearly.

“And we’re not on our own,” Ellie added from behind Y/n.

David nodded, “Right. Your friend,” his face changed to accommodate faux concern one might use on a child, “And how is he?”

Behind her eyes, Y/n’s mind flicked to Joel, beads of sweat around his temples, breathing so frighteningly shallow, his tan skin deathly pale. She couldn’t admit to the fear pooling in her belly that against David’s men, Joel might have lost the fight.

“I can see how much you care about him, so I know it hurts,” David continued, l having broken Y/n and Ellie’s first line of defense, “But even so…you gotta face reality.”

David turned and began to circle the cage. Ellie and Y/n moved as one, Ellie crawling in the opposite direction and Y/n standing in front of her as a shield.

“That part of your lives, it’s ending,” David went on, finally stopping on the other end of the cage, “And what I’m offering you is a beginning. But if you can’t find a way to trust me, then yes,” his eyes scanned Ellie, “You are alone.”

Without another word, David walked off through a door in the kitchen, leaving Y/n and Ellie to themselves.

Y/n was on her knees immediately, holding Ellie’s face in her hands and checking her head.

“Definitely got your bell rung,” Y/n lightly ran a finger over the pink bruise at Ellie’s hairline.

“What the fuck do we do?” Ellie asked, unconcerned about her injuries.

“I’m trying to figure that out,” Y/n replied, stroking a quick hand over Ellie’s hair, “I’ve already tried to window up there,” she pointed to a small pane of glass above them, “I can’t break it. Guns are over there in the corner,” she gestured to the edge of the room. And I can’t-“

Y/n was cut off by Ellie, throwing her arms around her body. The girl pressed the side of her face into Y/n’s chest, her short breaths warming Y/n’s skin through her layers.

Of all the horrible memories Y/n carried from September 26th, 2003, there was one in particular that lived in her chest every second of every day. As she had clutched Sarah in her arms, with Joel trying to assess her mortal injuries, Sarah had tried desperately to speak. Her lips pressed together, only able to make a humming sound. Y/n had shushed her, telling her that it was okay, she was okay, they’d all be okay…and that had been the last of it.

Whatever Sarah had needed to say died on her lips, but lived on in Y/n’s mind. She had spent so long, playing the memory back, watching the girl’s mouth, listening to the buzz in her throat, unable to rest until she knew what she’d wanted to say in her final minutes.

It took her one year to figure it out, and twenty to accept.

Mom.

Y/n had failed Sarah just as Joel felt he had failed. She’d spent the last two decades telling herself she could have jumped in front of them, she could have yanked Sarah out of Joel’s arms, she could have attacked the guard…all things her brain knew there hadn’t been enough time for, but guilt and logic never agreed on anything. Y/n had begged God, the skies, the earth, the universe, anyone, for a second chance. For some miraculous, mind-bending turn of events to send her back to that day and save her daughter.

And as she cradled Ellie in her arms, pressing a kiss to the girl’s head, she knew her second chance lay not in the past, but in the future.

“We’re gonna get out of this,” Y/n said, speaking with a strength she hadn’t in twenty years, “I promise.”

David was right about one thing, they had to face reality.

Joel wasn’t coming to save them.

They were on their own.

And Y/n would be damned if she failed to save someone she loved again.

————————————

Joel had tried to keep his violent side hidden from both Ellie and Y/n during their time together. He’d slipped with the FEDRA guard in Boston, remembering the terror in Y/n’s eyes as she’d watched him beat the young man to death. Whether or not he knew it, he’d tried from that moment on to be better.

But now, with their lives at stake, Joel didn’t care about better.

Every punch he drove into the raider’s face he had tied to the chair was pure rage, the only thing strong enough to keep him upright. The pleas of the bloody pulp of a man fell on deaf ears.

“Stop…stop, please…”

Joel rammed his fist against his cheek once more, silencing him.

“Leave him alone,” the raider who Joel had yet to touch urged from the other side of the room.

“You’re next,” Joel muttered, withdrawing the knife from his belt with a spine-tingling smirk.

“Please,” the man he’d been hitting begged, “I don’t know any girls.”

Joel was a human lie detector, having seen both the best and worst of humanity. He didn’t have to second guess whether it was the right decision to drive his knife into the man’s knee.

“Marco,” the guy tried to call, his voice strained from his screams of pain.

“No-no, no-no-no,” Joel cooed, his soft tone contrasting the roughness in which he pulled the man by his hair, “He can’t help you. You focus right here. Or I’ll pop your fuckin’ kneecap off.”

The man’s breath trembled as Joel gripped him, knowing that betraying David came at its own cost. “They’re alive,” he admitted.

The hope spread through Joel, but it couldn’t outmatch the anger that doubled at the thought of Y/n and Ellie being held and tortured. “Where?”

When Joel didn’t get his answer quick enough, he reached down and twisted the knife in the man’s leg.

“Ah! Fuck,” he squealed, “Fuck! Ah! The town!”

“WHAT TOWN?!” Joel screamed into his face.

“Silver Lake,” the man panted, wincing after.

Joel reached into his pocket, taking out his map and unfolding it.

“It’s not a real town name,” his victim said, his speech slow from the ache in his jaw, “It’s a resort.”

Now that was a word Joel hadn’t heard in a long time, “A resort?”

Feeling each precious second that Y/n and Ellie were still breathing slipping away, Joel removed his knife from the man’s leg and forced his mouth open, slipping the handle in. “You’re gonna point to where we are,” he held up the map towards the guy’s head, “And where your resort is. And it better be the exact same spot your buddy points to.”

Joel had a death grip on his hair, pressing their foreheads together and feeling his near-attacker’s body tremble with fear. Trying his best, the man aimed the blade at the map, pinpointing their location. Fear could always deliver results.

Joel sat back, examining the drip of blood that served as a marker. His body ached with exhaustion, but his chest felt the same pain it had for the last three months. The kind that was usually a precursor his panic attacks, except now, adrenaline was all that followed.

“That’s where we are,” the man whimpered, “I swear. Go ask him, he’ll tell you. I’m not lying.”

There had never been a question as to whether or not Joel would show mercy. These men had seen Ellie and Y/n, knew where they were being kept, they might have even laid hands on them.

Joel slid the blade into the man’s chest without a second thought.

Marco unleashed a string of expletives as Joel caught his breath.

“Why the fuck did you do that? He told you what you wanted,” Marco whined.

Joel took clumsy steps across the room, reaching for the lead pipe Marco had carried in with him that now lay across the couch.

“You motherfucker, fuck you,” Marco spat as Joel strode towards him, “I ain’t tellin’ you shit.”

“It’s okay,” Joel nodded empathetically, calling on the same disarming tactics he had in his days as a raider, “I believe him.”

In that moment, Joel wasn’t a monster.

He wasn’t the villain.

He was a father and a husband.

And he brought the pipe down with all the fury one could possess.

—————————

Ellie was relentless.

“El,” Y/n insisted as the girl continued to try and pick the lock, “I already tried that.”

“Well, maybe you didn’t try hard enough,” Ellie replied as she tugged on it.

“Yes, ‘cause this is just so pleasant,” Y/n spread her arms out to the cage, “Look, we’re not getting out of here like that. We’ve gotta wait for him to slip up.”

Ellie looked over her shoulder, “What do you mean?”

“He thinks we’re two little lost lambs or sheep or whatever, all alone without anyone to protect us,” Y/n explained, “We’ve gotta wait for the exact right moment when he fucks up and gives us an opportunity.”

“Okay,” Ellie nodded before quickly turning back to the lock.

Y/n slapped her hands against her legs, “I just gave you the plan.”

“I thought I felt it jiggle,” Ellie insisted, shaking the lock a few more times before coming to a sudden stop and stumbling backwards towards Y/n.

Y/n caught her in confusion, “What?”

She followed Ellie’s line of vision across the room to the chopping block, falling south to the floor. Y/n’s stomach turned at the sight…

An ear.

An actual fucking ear.

In all his perfect timing, David entered just then, carrying a tray and sliding it under the cage walls. Two bowls of soup and a cup of water.

David followed Ellie and Y/n’s eyes down to the butcher’s block, frowning when he realized what they were looking. “For what it’s worth,” he gestured to the bowls, “This is just deer meat, I swear.”

Ellie and Y/n were separately connecting all the dots of why they were being held where they were. They could have been trapped anywhere in the town, their weapons stripped from them and beaten into submission. This was a purposeful choice.

“You’re going to chop us into little pieces,” Ellie stated.

“I’d rather not,” David answered, “Please, just tell me your names.”

Y/n forced herself to exhale, wondering how the hell he could be so focused on a trivial detail.

“If you wanna judge me-“ David shrugged.

“Judge you?” Ellie raised her voice to a scream, surging forward to grab the metal bars, “You’re eating people, you sick fuck!”

She kicked the tray across the floor, it landed under the chopping block. David backed away from her anger.

“Yes,” David replied, “There are only a few of us who know. But I would’ve told you, sooner or later. I guess sooner.”

“You’re a fucking animal,” Y/n seethed, finally finding the strength to speak.

“Well, yes, we all are,” David said, his sociopathic calm tone beginning to worry both Y/n and Ellie, “That’s sorta of the point,” he took in Ellie’s disgust, “It was a last resort. You think it doesn’t shame me? But what was I supposed to do? Let them starve? These people who put their lives in my hands, w-who expect me to keep them save, who love me?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Ellie shot back.

“You don’t believe that,” David shook his head, “I don’t think your friend would either. Didn’t he take another man’s life to save yours?”

“Your men fucking attacked us,” Y/n added, her tone sharp.

“He was defending himself,” Ellie replied.

“He was defending you and your mother,” David corrected, even though he was calling on Y/n, his eyes were locked on Ellie’s, “But you knew that. You see a lot. So do I. And you know what I see when I look at you?”

Y/n watched the conversation in wait, it was beginning to alarm her that he was focusing all his attention on Ellie.

“Me,” he continued, “You remind me of me. You’re a natural leader, smart…loyal. Violent.”

Ellie froze at his words, while Y/n took a step forward.

“Keep going and you’ll see how violent I can be,” she threatened.

“Now, see, your mother,” David gestured to Y/n but never once looked at her, “She is deeply afraid, faking her confidence with threats. But that’s not who she actually is. I could unlock this door, hand her her gun, and she still might not be able to do what she needs to to protect you.”

Y/n’s nostrils flared at the assumption that she wouldn’t break his neck to save Ellie.

“But you, on the other hand…” David continued speaking to Ellie, “If I let you out of that cage right now, put that knife of yours in your hand, you’d stick me in a second. You have a violent heart. And I should know…” David took slow steps towards the cage, his eyes alight, “I’ve always had a violent heart. And I struggled with it for a long time. But then the world ended and I was shown the truth.”

“Right…” Ellie muttered, “By God.”

“No,” David breathed, “By Cordyceps. What does Cordyceps do? Is it evil? No. It’s fruitful. It multiplies. It feeds and protects its children, and it secures its future with violence, if it must. It loves.”

Y/n’s blood heated to a boil, her cheeks warming with rage. Cordyceps had taken everything and everyone she had ever loved. It was the purest form of evil nature had ever created. She wanted to cut through David, whispering the names of all her lost family into his ear as she did.

But this wasn’t her opportunity.

“Why are you telling us all this?” Ellie asked, she still believed it was a conversation between three people.

“Because you can handle it,” David said, Y/n may as well have not even been in the room, “The way the others can’t. They need God, they need Heaven,” David took another step towards the cage, “They need a father. You don’t. You’re beyond that. I’m a shepherd surrounded by sheep, and all I want…is an equal. A friend.”

Alarms rang in Y/n’s head so loud, she thought they were real. But Ellie was playing the game that Y/n had told her to, and she couldn’t stop her.

“What about our friend?”

“Like I said, loyal,” David nodded before taking another slow step towards them, “I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They’ll spare him.”

Ellie looked up to Y/n, convincingly filling her eyes with hope, before looking back to David. Y/n quickly adjusted her expression to match, pretending as if Joel’s safety was the only thing that mattered.

“Really?” Ellie took a step forward towards David, “They’ll just let him go?”

“Yes,” David answered confidently, “If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go.”

It wasn’t hard for Y/n to whip up some tears, taking a choking breath in and following Ellie towards the metal bars.

“They do what I tell them to do. They follow me,” David was getting closer and closer, his gaze fixated, obsessed with Ellie, “And they would follow us. Lord knows, I could use the help. I-“ he chortled, gesturing to below the chopping block, “Look what’s happened.”

David extended his hand, gripping one of the horizontal metal bars between him from Ellie and Y/n. They stared down at it, considering their options.

“Think of what we could together,” David said, his voice alive with passion, “As strong as we are. We’d make this place perfect. We’d grow, spread out. And we’d do whatever we needed for our people.”

Ellie reached to grab the other side of the bar, her hand perilously close to David’s. Y/n had to fight every instinct to rip her body behind her own.

“Imagine the life we could give them,” David said wistfully, moving his hand to slide over Ellie’s, “Imagine the life we could build.”

David may not have been watching her, but Y/n made effort to drop two tears down her cheeks and sniffle as if it was the most beautiful idea in the world…

“Oh,” Ellie whispered, reaching a nearly shaking palm up to David’s hand, hoping that Y/n sensed that the moment was upon them.

Ellie pushed David’s finger back, a sickening crack erupting in his hand. As he cried out in pain, Y/n dropped down to her knees, pulling him in by his belt and grabbing the keys off their hook. Unfortunately, he wriggled out of Ellie’s grasp and reached through the bars, grabbing Y/n by the throat and squeezing. Y/n gagged and choked as his fingers tightened, but she still held onto the keys.

Ellie struck a blow to David’s abdomen, causing him to drop Y/n and stumble backwards. In the sudden movement, Y/n dropped the keys to the floor and nearly fell. David was quick to come back, grabbing Ellie’s hair and slamming her face into the bars twice before throwing her down.

“You little cunts,” he seethed, picking up the keys from the floor, “Let’s see what I go tell the others now.”

Y/n coughed violently, earning each and every breath back, but bent over Ellie to make sure she was alright. The girl’s blood painted the floor of their cell.

“Ellie,” she said, crawling past Y/n and towards David.

David turned, “What?”

“Tell them Ellie is the little girl,” the girl crawled to the bars, raising her voice, “Who broke your fucking finger!”

“How did you put it?” David asked, his tone mocking them now, “Hmm? ‘Tiny little pieces?’”

He stormed out of the room, slamming it behind him and leaving Ellie and Y/n to contemplate their impending doom.

“Fuck,” Y/n whispered, rubbing her already sore neck and forming a plan in her dizzy head. “Okay, when they come in, I’ll take them and you fucking run.”

“No,” Ellie replied quickly, stumbling to her feet, “No, we-“

“You’re going to get the fuck out of here,” Y/n continued, emphasizing each of the last words, “And you’re going to run.”

“I’m not fucking leaving you,” Ellie yelled, shoving Y/n’s arms.

“And I’m not asking,” Y/n yelled back, feeling her fate slowly approaching. If it bought Ellie time, it was all worth it.

She gripped Ellie’s shoulders, wrenching her closer and locking eyes with her. “You. Run.”

———————————

The snow outside had picked up, nearly blinding Joel as he trudged through the ice, clutching his abdomen the whole way.

He’d made it to Silver Lake, against all odds, but didn’t know the first place to look. He kept his good ear peeled, trying to listen for Y/n or Ellie’s cries, but the storm made that impossible. Leaned up against one of the resort’s buildings, trying to catch his breath, Joel tried to think clearly about his next move.

Then his eyes caught the trail of blood in the snow and logic went out the window.

Joel followed the crimson that led him to the building’s door. He broke the lock with the butt of his rifle and entered, clicking on his flashlight and drawing his pistol. He crept through the shed, bending down once to search under a table and finding only old clothes and useless supplies. Then, he spotted a nearly identical trail of blood leading into the next room.

All the while his heart thudded with fear, fear of failure.

Joel made no noise as he entered the room, shining his flashlight ahead to find what was left of one of their horses. They’d captured Y/n and Ellie while riding. The picture of their kidnapping was beginning to fill with color.

Joel shone his flashlight past the horse, finding tarps over equipment and…something…hanging on the other side. He moved around the animal’s body to get a closer look…

His stomach turned.

He had to fucking hurry.

—————————

David stormed through the door with James right behind him. Ellie and Y/n scurried away from the cage’s front. Y/n hadn’t expected a second set of hands, it made her entire plan impossible.

“No! No! No!” Ellie screamed, pressing herself into Y/n’s body in fear.

David and James wrenched the two of them apart.

“Don’t you fucking touch her,” Y/n screamed at the top of her lungs, hoping someone might hear them and come running, “No!”

“Get off of me!” Ellie shrieked, kicking at both of the men, “Get off of me!”

If Y/n had been on 10, Ellie’s pleas dialed her up to 12. She picked up her entire body weight and let herself drop to the floor, bringing James with her. He stumbled, but regained his footing and dragged Y/n out of the cell, kicking and screaming.

“No!” Ellie yelled, biting down on David’s all-too-close hand.

“Ow,” the preacher cried out, but stayed undeterred in his mission. He pulled Ellie out of the cell.

Y/n wrestled against Jame’s firm grip, flailing her arms as she tried to reach around and scratch him. She’d tear him to pieces with her hands, if the chance came.

“You motherfucker,” she cried, trying to catch her leg on anything that might slow them down, but he lifted her onto the chopping block as if she was nothing. James held her hands down at her sides, giving Y/n the opportunity to spit in his face.

“Wait, wait,” Ellie begged as David dragged her towards the block.

“Shut up,” James growled, narrowly dodging Y/n’s head butt.

David lifted Ellie up and dropped her harshly on Y/n, knocking the wind out of the woman with Ellie’s weight. He forced Ellie’s hands into Y/n’s, lining the two of them up.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Ellie begged, Y/n’s coughs sputtering in her ear, “Don’t! Don’t do it! Please, don’t do it!”

“You had your chance,” David spoke over Ellie as he raised the cleaver above his head.

In her struggle for oxygen, Y/n let out a final cry. For Ellie, for Joel, for her grand failure to save all of them.

This was how it ended.

“I’M INFECTED!”

Ellie’s words echoed off the walls, David simply scoffed at her.

“I’m infected,” Ellie said once more, her voice low, “And now so are you.”

David glanced down at the bite mark Ellie had put on his hand. Y/n caught it too, fighting the urge to smile. The girl was smarter and quicker than she or Joel had ever taught her.

“Roll up my sleeve, look at it,” Ellie insisted, “Look at it!”

Biting down on his lip in frustration, David slammed the cleaver down beside Y/n and Ellie’s heads, causing both of them to flinch away. He tugged Ellie’s right sleeve up, revealing the ever-present mark that Cordyceps had left on her.

“God’s will,” Y/n strained, smirking below Ellie.

James looked up at his leader in concern, “David…”

“No,” David shook his head, “No, she would’ve turned by now. This isn’t real.”

Unable to speak without them hearing her, but needing to signal Ellie that she was on board with the plan, Y/n squeezed the back of Ellie’s hand twice.

“It looks pretty fuckin’ real to me,” James continued.

Ellie pressed her hand back into Y/n’s.

This was their opportunity.

Ellie reached to her side, grabbing the cleaver and lodging it in Jame’s shoulder. Y/n threw the girl off and kicked both feet into David’s stomach, buying them a few precious seconds to escape. Bullets chased them as they flew through the door.

Y/n and Ellie ran through the rest of the kitchen, making it out into the dining room. They went from door to door, banging and pulling furiously. Nothing.

Hearing David’s footsteps down the hall, they rushed back into the kitchen to look for any weapons. Ellie reached into a wood burning stove, grabbing one of the crackling logs before Y/n shoved her out of the room and down behind a wall.

The kitchen door squeaked, announcing David’s presence. Without her gun, Y/n knew she didn’t stand a chance at going up against David, but she could buy time. She crawled away from Ellie, ignoring the girl’s frantic looks and moved behind a table, popping up once she heard David’s steps.

“You’re very determined,” David’s calm tone continued, even as he clutched the cleaver in his hand, “I’ll give you that.”

“What a parent won’t do for their kid,” Y/n shrugged, “Right, Father?”

As Y/n put a period on her sentence, Ellie stood up from her spot and threw the burning log at David, missing him and giving Y/n the chance to duck down and crawl away. Ellie had, however, succeeded in starting a fire that quickly began to eat through the drapes of the dining room. Ellie crawled back, spotting Y/n and hurrying in her direction.

“There’s no way out, Ellie,” David called, moving away from the rapid fire, “The doors are locked and I have the keys.”

While she couldn’t see the flames, Y/n could smell and hear them. They were spreading as if nature herself had started it.

“Ellie?” David called tauntingly, “Ellie.”

Y/n knew that if there was any chance for escape, it would only come for one of them. David would have to be preoccupied with something else to let anything slip through his fingers and that anything had to be Ellie. Reaching down into her boot, she remembered she still had her knife on her.

She drew a deep breath and begged for Joel, dead or alive, to forgive her.

It was the only option that ensured Ellie’s salvation.

————————

Joel couldn’t move fast in the snow, the winds threatening to shove his fragile frame down into the ice. With every step he fought, trying to see something, anything through the gust of snowflakes.

In his mind, he was begging and pleading with the universe to give him a sign, a direction..he felt more and more panicked with each passing moment that he was too late.

Joel walked a little quicker, ignoring the stabbing pain in his stomach.

He couldn’t lose them.

—————————

“Ellie…” David called again, “I know you’re not infected. No one infected fights this hard to stay alive.”

Y/n belly crawled on the floor of the restaurant, away from Ellie and closing in on David’s voice. She clutched the knife in her sweaty palm.

“So…how did you do it?” David asked the room, “What’s the secret? Or are you just that fucking special?”

Y/n was near enough to the bar that she could see the panels swing open and Ellie’s legs trailing in. She was smart enough to try and find a true weapon.

“No one likes being humiliated, Ellie,” David continued his tirade, forgetting Y/n’s presence entirely, “You don’t know how good I am! You don’t know what I could have given you! If you had just let me!”

Y/n continued her army crawl before crouching behind the wall nearest to David, waiting for her perfect chance.

“Well, I have news for you,” the “pastor’s” tone softened back to its pulpit pitch, “None of us are dying today. You see, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided you do need a father, and your mother needs a husband.”

Y/n tightened her grip on her knife, waiting, waiting, waiting…

“So I’m gonna keep you two,” David promised, “And I’m gonna teach you.”

In her years, Y/n had heard and witnessed truly disturbing events. Nothing could have terrified her more than the sick headlines about corrupt preachers, using the Word of God as a deflection, coming to life in front of her.

Y/n leapt to her feet, spininning around the wall’s end and stabbing David’s shoulder from behind. The man cried out in pain, but didn’t fall as Y/n had needed him to. He faced her, swinging the cleaver past her before gripping her throat with one hand and shoving her up against the wall. Y/n struggled ferociously, speed kicking his legs until he dropped her. He wrenched her back, throwing her to the floor, and let one of the heavy dining tables fall straight onto Y/n’s abdomen. The pressure crushed her, stealing all the air from her lungs, and left her sputtering and choking for breath.

David leaned down, his lips grazing Y/n’s ear in a way that had only ever been reserved for Joel. “I’ll deal with you in a moment,” he growled.

Y/n was too breathless to speak and the table was too heavy for her to lift. It was almost guaranteed that David had cracked at least one of her ribs. She flailed about under its weight like a bug being crushed, frantically trying to escape.

With a lack of oxygen, her ears began to ring and her eyesight began to blur. From across the room, she could see David and Ellie’s figures fighting, with Ellie’s being shoved to the floor.

Y/n’s lips tried to form the girl’s name.

The corners of her vision began to darken just as David pinned Ellie down.

Her screams poured the air right back into Y/n’s lungs.

With strength only a mother whose child was endangered could have, Y/n strained to push the table off of her. She raised it enough to shimmy her abdomen out, letting it fall on her legs with a pained groan. She pulled and pulled her body out from under the surface, Ellie’s cries of terror giving her all the power she needed to roll the rest of the way. She grabbed her knife, stained with David’s blood and crawled across the floor.

David’s back was blissfully turned.

Ellie couldn’t see Y/n.

The flames were consuming the restaurant.

Y/n inched her way closer.

David said something Y/n couldn’t hear over the fire.

Ellie screamed louder.

Y/n reached her hand out, ripping David back by the collar, stabbing him in the chest with her knife and wrenching him off of Ellie.

Ellie reached above her head for the cleaver.

The rest passed in a set of thirty blood soaked seconds.

When it was over, Y/n stumbled to her feet, reaching down to pull Ellie up with her. The room was filled with a gagging smoke, the fames mere seconds from bringing the whole building down.

Y/n rushed them out through the kitchen, the back end was their best chance at escape. Down the hall were two large black doors, the lack of lock allowing Y/n to shove her and Ellie’s trembling forms out.

The cold air greeted their heated skin, both of them struggling to catch their breath. Y/n clutched Ellie to her as she maneuvered them down the stone steps and into the snow.

They both screamed as a pair of strong arms grabbed their bodies, tugging them backwards.

“No! Get off of me!,” Ellie shrieked, the reality of David’s death ceasing to exist under the strange touch.

“No! You fucking-“ Y/n tried to shove Ellie behind her, turning around and fighting hard against the figure before she even looked up.

Adrenaline somehow granted Joel enough strength to turn Ellie around in his arms and restrain Y/n’s hands.

“It’s me,” Joel coaxed as Ellie slapped his chest.

Y/n eyes turned up at the sound of his voice, meeting his eyes finally. “Ellie,” she breathed, awestruck.

“It’s me,” Joel repeated to Ellie, her hits finally stopping as she finally returned to reality. Joel took her face into his hand, cupping her cheek and drawing her gaze to him, “Hey, look…it’s me. It’s me.”

Ellie let out little whimpers as she took in his presence, miraculously in front of her.

Y/n ran her hands over Joel’s arm, in utter disbelief that he was actually there. His hand that rested on her back slid half an inch, the movement giving her the assurance that he was real. He had come for them.

“It’s okay,” Joel told Ellie, the girl mumbling and stuttering in shock.

Ellie didn’t think twice before looping her arms around Joel’s neck and burrowing her face into his shoulder. Y/n did the same, keeping one arm firmly around Ellie.

“It’s okay,” he promised once more, taking the full force of their embrace as if it were the very air he breathed. “It’s okay, babygirl,” he said to Ellie, “I got you. I got you.”

Y/n sniffled into Joel’s shoulder, feeling his hurried kiss press against her temple. She had gone from her most vulnerable to her most safe in the course of a single minute.

After a few seconds, wishing it could last longer, Joel pulled back to look at them both. He took in the blood on both their faces, there were big bruise marks on Y/n’s neck and she was clutching her stomach. He felt ashamed that he hadn’t been there sooner to spare them the pain of whatever they’d gone through.

“Okay,” Joel said softly, taking off his coat and wrapping it around Ellie’s shoulders.

Y/n finally noticed that Joel was carrying both his rifle and all three of their backpacks. She hurried to grab hers and Ellie’s, slipping one on her shoulder and carrying the other.

Joel and Y/n got on each of Ellie’s sides, wrapping an arm around the girl and setting off into the snow. The adrenaline began to fade in Joel’s body, weakening him once again till he was limping. The searing pain in Y/n’s chest ached with every breath, she had to time each inhale in between her steps.

But it didn’t matter to either of them. They locked their hands around each other’s arm, tightening their hold around Ellie, and took slow, unsteady steps towards the river.

—————————

That night, they sought shelter in a different neighborhood, hiding in someone else’s former house.

Y/n and Joel sat upright against the freezing concrete wall, Ellie sleeping soundly between them. They each kept one hand on her as they had soothed her to sleep, but they kept their hold long after. They needed the physical reassurance that she was okay.

All day, Y/n had held it together as they journeyed as far from Silver Lake as they could. She was too determined to get the three of them the hell out of dodge to fall apart. It wasn’t until Ellie had fallen asleep, under the safety of Y/n and Joel’s protection, that the weight of what had almost happened to them fell onto her.

Joel felt the trembling from Y/n’s hand gently shake Ellie’s body. He peered across her into the dark, the moonlight catching on her face to perfectly illuminate the silent tears down her cheeks.

As she stifled her sobs, Y/n felt Joel’s fingers intertwine with hers over Ellie’s torso. She squeezed her eyes shut, his touch sending her emotions right over their edge.

Joel squeezed, trying to tell her that in the silence, in the pain, he was there. He was there for the first time in twenty years for her to lean on.

Y/n squeezed back, savoring the press of his calloused fingers into her palm. They had come so close to losing one another, but they were alive. They were alive, they were together and if that was the only thing they had to hold onto, they’d cling to it like life itself.

——————

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90 @midgetpottermills @presidential-facts @scoopsnini @tubble-wubble @jamesdeerest @burninggracesandbridges @star-wars-lover @lucyhotchner @cococola-cocaine @witheringhqarts @fall-writes @alwaysdjarin @xxmoonn @emilia-the-artist @wand-erer5 @boneyarrd @lizard-zombie @themultifandomofmadness @cassidylea123 @paleepeaches @mxltifxnd0m @kettlekatie @ultimate-cinephile @gloryekaterina @caramelkatsukis-bitch @whovianayesha @memeorydotcom @deadunicorn159 @get0ut0fmyr00m @siriuslymooned @emmyeed @superbreadsoul @hellu-people1 @ourautumn86 @inas-thing @noraapple05 @givemylovetoall @luvwanda (tags cont. in comments)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us spoilers #twenty years later

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

the babbit masterpost

HELLO welcome to the Babbit's Blog masterpost!!! On this post you'll find some fun facts about yours allegedly (me <33), some ref's for my different 'sona's, and a couple links to my fics and whatnot! Are you ready? No?? Excellent neither am i let's do this

Meet the Babbits!: the self-inserts/personas

the first ref is for my general/most commonly used persona, Babbit! They aren't really an anthro/furry as much as they are a humanoid with the head of a rabbit. I like to think of this one as the 'me' that's in my head- the purest form of my thoughts and feelings, but not the solid real-life me. The second ref is my self-insert persona, Rabbit, the one i picture using most often when i'm reading a fic or imagining a self-insert scenario lol. This one is like the me that people see and meet and speak to in real actual life, if that makes sense. It's the way I come across to people and all of the things I wish I could iron out of my crumpled up real-self <3 The third is a much more specific 'sona, Hazel, who started off as a FNaF:SB animatronic self-insert. She does have a backstory and lore now, which i think makes her more of an OC than a self-insert, but a lot of her is still me and a lot of what she experiences in her backstory is from my life/instills the same feelings that were taken away from things that happened to me, so I think she kinda counts enough to put a ref for her here sdkjfsdhfj (Why the different names?: makes things a little easier, and they hold meaning to me symbolically, I guess!)

Content!: Here's a short list of my various fics that will get updated as I create more! (it was, in reality, not fine.): FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader fanfic, gender neutral, for general audiences, fluff-fest, idiots to lovers "You're the new tech/repairman at the Fazbear Mega Pizzaplex, unfortunately. Your first task? To make the Daycare Attendant into two separate animatronics. It's an amazing opportunity, really, and there is nothing you love more than getting a chance to really work with such tech! The only bad part is that you don't know how to tell anyone that you just might be in over your head. (You are extremely in over your head.)" After Everything Was Fixed (but you were still broken): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x (Animatronic) Reader, gender neutral, read with caution, angst, harm to sentient robots, traumatized main character, hurt/comfort slow burn, romance slow burn "The virus was gone. Everyone was fixed. You had been put back together. It's a time for a new beginning, to do things right this time, to wash away the past and paint a better future. Their memories of the infection had- mercifully- been taken away from them. Yours had not. He doesn't understand why you try to avoid him. Even if you could tell him, you're not sure you would. You want to be his friend, but it's difficult; every time you see him, you remember the hundreds of times he killed you." A fic where you are a repairman-themed STAFFbot, taking place post-virus. In the past, Moon, infected by the virus, took delight in attacking and dismantling the reader during the night. Now, in the present, you find yourself burdened by the memories of the past while everyone around you has no recollection of the events. It gets more complicated as Sun and Moon, both now cleared of the virus, grow curious of you. This fic will follow a series of arcs, presently on arc one. For anyone curious, feel free to send an ask about the arcs in 'After Everything Was Fixed'! The Sun, the Moon, and the Blazing Comet (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon/Eclipse x Reader, gender neutral, teen and up audiences, travel/journey, betrayal, hurt/comfort slowburn, reconciling, themes of breaking the mold, found family (TBA) Hold My Broken Hands (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader, gender neutral, mature audiences, dark romance, dark comedy, severe bodily harm, mutilation, murder, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, lovesick (TBA)

My AU's!: i'm going to make a Babbit-AUs-Masterpost and then put the link here i swear, i just have so many im sorry jdfhsjdfhs (like more than twenty)

Fandoms!: I enjoy, have been in, made or make content for: Pokemon Undertale FNaF Creepypasta (YEAH I KNOW LET ME LIVE OKAY) My Little Pony (I KNOW OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE) Steven Universe Star Trek Warrior Cats i'm sure theres more but i just forgot everything i have ever liked wheeeeeze

Whomst the hell?: HI I'm Rabbit! Or Bones! Or Babbit! Or Avarice/Ava, if you want to go for a more legitimate-sounding name. I'm 24 years old, prefer to use they/them pronouns, and so, so incredibly ace. I've been drawing as long as I've had the ability to hold a pen, writing since I was in grade school, and being a plague to the ones around me since the beginning of time! If you've seen my art, its probably from the absolute mountain of fluffy-wuffy love-dovey (y/n) x Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipse doodles I've been sharing for several years now sdfjhsdj. If you've heard of my fics, it was probably the one I made just for fun that's now turned into an actual fanfiction that I enjoy writing, the silly-lovey-fluff incarnate (it was, in reality, not fine.) !

Likes n Dislikes!: I'm a sucker for sap, fluff, and lots and lots of love-dovey bullshit! I also like stories about finding oneself and monsters being befriended or loved. I like space, aliens, robots, the odd and strange, injecting humanity into things not human, monsters, creatures, animals, the fae, concepts of spirits and karma and the afterlife, and more! I dislike 'fanservice', most anime tbh LOL it's not personal I just don't enjoy it im srry, FLY BABIES i know they have an actual name but i hate that word too pls just dont i will scream, sexually aggressive/forceful content/characters, being made to feel small, dumb, or trapped,

Other!: I have a pretty high gross-out tolerance! I also have a pretty high 'wow that's messed up huh' tolerance, in that sometimes I will just say stuff that's super grim or dark or messed up and not realize it lmao. I am full of random facts and anecdotes, especially weird or gross ones! sometimes i get on tangents that can go for actual hours so pls forgive that lol

WARNINGS: THIS BLOG MAY FEATURE CONTENT BASED ON/RELATED TO THEMES OF GUILT, CHILDHOOD LOSS, GRIEF, SELF HATRED, DISCONNECTION FROM REALITY/SELF, TRAUMA, AND SEVERE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY. YES I AM GETTING HELP. YES I AM OKAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.

bonus persona: crybaby

#meet the artist #meet the blogger #about me #self insert oc #oc persona #about the author #about the blogger #meet the babbit #oh shit its babbit #babbit lore #the babbit masterpost #oc reference #self insert reference #oc ref sheet #art ref #oc babbit #babbits ocs: babbit #babbits ocs: rabbit #babbits ocs: hazel #hazel the happy hare #fnaf oc #babbits ocs: crybaby #bones of a rabbit #links #babbit masterpost

[erika-xero]

REPOSTOBER, day 22: the Champion of Cyrodiil (2015-2017)

TW! this post has some TES-headcanons which might not be everyone's cup of tea, but please, don't judge a woman by her headcanons lmao

Here he is, my weird lil man. His mom worshipped Mephala and almost sacrifised her own newborn child to the Ebony Blade, but his father managed to steal the baby and hide him in Skyrim. Cero was raised in the orphanage (YES, THAT Orphanage) being bullied by the nord children for being, well, an elf. Many years later, Cero became a gladiator in the Imperial City Arena, and this is pretty much where his story begins.

He starts off as a man, who kill people for money at the start of the game, and being an assassin for the Dark Brotherhood doesn't seem any difference, so he joins in.

Lucien, being the one who brought him into the family, fascinates him. Cero soon develops feelings towards the Speaker, which he describes like some sort of a spiritual bond. He can't fully express what exactly he feels (because he is being in denial), so he keeps his feelings to himself, before it is too late.

This was a breaking point for Cero, who was already traumatized by the Purification, so he cut his ties with Dark Brotherhood and excapes, using the chaos of the Oblivion Crisis. After the series of unfortunate events he becomes the one, who carried the Amulet of Kings and the one, who saved Martin in Kvatch. They soon become friends and Martin is the one who actually tries to make Cero a better person. And then Martin dies too.

Being ceverely depressed and traumatized by losing all the people he loved and who were actually nice to him in a quite short period of time, Cero starts drowning himself in alcohol. And at that very moment, the Dark Brotherhood finally show up and capture the man and take him to Bravil for a trial. He manages to excape. And this is when the Shivering Isles storyline begins.

I wrote a bunch of fics (in russian) about Cero in the Shivering Isles, and in my AU he is literally possessed by Sheogorath who takes over his body and desperately try to fight back, and the main antagonist of the story is Haskill, who does everything so that Cero would lose himself and all his memories forever.

Eventually, he manages to take control of his own body for a few times, and one of them happened during the Skyrim timeline:

His body changed over time, he starts looking less than himself and more like Sheogorath: his hair and eyes gone white, his skin became pale and rosy, but he never actually ended up looking the way Haskill wanted him to look. Somewhere after the Skyrim timeline his former self gets in control of his body again and gets in a fight with Haskill. Cero uses the sword of Jyggalag to snap the Staff of Sheogorath in two parts and finally breaks free. He's memory is wague, his feelings are all messed up and he barely understand what is happening, the only thing that keeps him going is his lust for freedom. And this is the point when the events of my Champion/Nerevarine AU begin. Small bonus for everyone, who read it this far: Cero as Jyggalag.

And Cero with his lover - my Nerevarine Raelin, who was the first person he encountered when he finally broke free from the Shivering Isles, and the person who helped him regain all of his memories (she's also probably the only person in the universe who can handle this firce lil man).

And yes, Cero is actually his father's surname. The champion has a name, but the only person who knew his name was Martin.

#repostober #oblivion #the elder scrolls oblivion #champion of Cyrodiil #hero of kvatch #lucian lacnahce #sheogorath #martin septim #nerevarine #also yeah he is a closeted bisexual #he's a reflection of my own trauma at this point because I too lost a dear friend of mine in an accident #TW: the elder scrolls HEADCANONS

[tightjeansjavi]

Slow Hands | Chapter 4

“I used to float, now I just fall down”

A/N: so I already forewarned that this was going to be a particularly heavy chapter. I also just want to say that I don’t claim to be a medical expert on the effects trauma can have on a person. I also do not self diagnose, but I did a lot of research on the reasoning behind why Beanie doesn’t have any recollection of what happened to her. I specifically researched‘dissociative amnesia’ caused by trauma. Some of the symptoms may include a person forgetting part or all of the traumatic event, and having a ‘foggy’ memory of trauma, or feeling like ‘it didn’t happen to you.’ However, even if you are unable to recall specific details, your body still does which would explain Beanie’s flight or fight response to specific sounds. Depending on the person, your body may associate certain sounds, sights, and smells to a specific traumatic event. Thank you for reading 🤎

~word count: 4.1k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: while on patrol, Tommy and Joel make a gruesome discovery.

Warnings: disturbing/distressing themes that may be harmful to some viewers. Please do not read if this kind of content upsets you. Violence, dead bodies, talk of the past, mention of murder, mentions of guns, mentions of chains, implied S/A by raiders, women held captive, trauma, trauma triggers, PTSD, possible diagnosis of dissociative amnesia (I do not claim to be an expert and just did some heavy research to make it accurately depicted in the story), protective! Joel, Beanie dissociates on her rooftop, implied suicidal thoughts, implied depression, isolation, some fluff towards the end, Joel is incredibly gentle with beanie, no age gap, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is beanie (coffee beans) +18, minors dni! Please heed the warnings!

main masterlist series masterlist playlist

“What the hell do ya mean she doesn’t know what fuckin’ happened to herself? What does that even mean,Tommy?!” Joel was visibly frustrated, confused, and bewildered. His mind was already running circles as he tried to piece together what he knew about you. He was desperate to grasp some context clues that would ultimately lead to a conclusion as to what had happened to you. He gently pulled back on his horse's reins between a cluster of snow dusted evergreens.

Tommy, however, kept his horse moving and this frustrated Joel even further.

“Don’t you fuckin’ walk away from me like you’re deaf or somethin’ ,Tommy!”

The younger Miller brother cursed under his breath as he halted his horse a few strides ahead of Joel. Both brothers were deathly silent. Tommy rolled his shoulders, appearing to try and relieve some stress and tension that was building up. He gently pulled the inside rein towards his torso as he turned his horse around. “Would you fuckin’ keep your goddamn voice down? This is exactly why I don’t want to discuss this with you, Joel.”

“You think I give a damn? What, you just expect me to go ‘bout my business when she crumbled into my arms this morning?’ Tommy, you know me, you know I ain’t gonna let this go.” Joel’s tone was far softer now. His frustrations were still simmering below the surface like that of a once dormant volcano that was gradually becoming active once more.

“Look, Maria and I have our own assumptions about what happened to her. When we found her..she was in pretty fuckin’ rough shape. She was most likely traveling for days without food or water Joel. She was barely breathin’, and for a moment we thought she was long gone.”

“Well, that ain’t all surprising..considerin’ we’re livin’ in an apocalypse Tommy.” Joel fought the urge to scoff under his breath. Tommy wasn’t giving him a straight answer and he wasn’t having any of it.

“That ain’t the fuckin’ point, Joel. Maria..she found somethin’ on her.” Tommy trailed off as he focused anywhere but his brother’s face.

“Tommy, what the hell did she find? Spit it out, or so help me god–” He nearly growled out as his jaw clenched harshly under the pale white moonlight.

“Someone tried to fuckin’ carve her up. That’s what.” Tommy deadpanned.

“what?” Joel could feel the bile rise in his throat at this newfound utterly disturbing information. His pupils were blown wide and an unsettling chill rolled down his spine.

“You fuckin’ heard me. Some sick fucks tried to carve her up. Maria and I both think it was raiders.”

“..like us?” Joel’s question hung heavy in the air as both Miller brothers slowly looked over at one another. There was nothing for them to hide. They had both done unspeakable things to countless people. Some people deserved it..others? Not so much. Joel knew it would be impossible for him to wipe all of his sins and carnage completely clean. His moral compass had been skewed after Sarah died. His actions were fueled by rage and indescribable pain. But even though he was a murderer, and he,Tommy, and Tess committed heinous crimes together, even they had their limits.

“No, Joel. Not like us. We didn’t fuckin’ carve people up.” Tommy shook his head with a heavy sigh. Maria didn’t know half of the shit he had done to survive, and he hoped to god she would never find out.

“No, you’re right. We didn’t carve people up, but we did some terrible fuckin’ things, Tommy.” There was a heaviness in Joel’s voice that lingered in the frosty air.

“Yeah, we did. Endure and survive, right?” Tommy responded with a bitter laugh that slowly crept up his throat.

“So, when you say that they tried to carve her up..”

“Maria found a knife wound that pretty much wraps all the way up her torso and back. It was, and is gruesome.”

“Fuck.” Joel breathed out a puff of air as his heart began to hang heavy in his chest. “She doesn’t remember any of it?”

“No. We actually had Doc check her out after we brought her in, and he thinks she might have dissociative amnesia. He said it’s commonly found in patients that have dealt with an excessive form of trauma. Essentially, her brain is blocking out certain events to protect itself. He of course doesn’t know for sure, but that’s the best explanation he could give as to why she has a foggy memory of what happened to her. He also..thinks there’s a chance that she was heavily drugged for an extended period of time, which could have also led to her memory essentially being botched. That wasn’t..all that Doc found. He also said that after doing a full body exam–”

Joel cut him off immediately like a sharp knife slicing through a hunk of meat. “Stop. Not another word, Tommy. Not another fuckin’ word.” Joel whispered harshly under his breath. He could only imagine the hell you went through. God help those motherfuckers if he ever got his hands on them.

“All this is to say that she may never fully recover those memories. Frankly? It’s probably for the best. I’m entrustin’ you with this information, Joel. And I need you to promise me that you’re not going to go and ask her questions. I need you to bite your fuckin’ tongue on this one. Alright? Jus’ be her friend. Jus’ be there for her.”

Joel wanted to laugh. He wanted to bitterly laugh and shake his fists to the heavens above because how in the hell was he supposed to just deal with the guilt of having some form of knowledge on what happened to you. How was he supposed to look you in the eyes without imagining the horrors that you faced? How was he supposed to pretend?

“Tommy, you know I can’t–”

“I don’t give a damn on what you think you can’t do, Joel. I’m not about to let you or anyone for that matter go and traumatize that poor woman even more. Maria started treatin’ her different than everyone else at one point, and Beanie came to me one day and wanted to know why. I had to sit down with Maria and practically beg her to just treat her like a normal person. Folks ‘round here either think she’s the nutty coffee woman, or some fragile piece of china that is gonna shatter at any minute. She ain’t either of those things, but hey, I guess even an apocalypse can’t stop people from havin’ their judgements.”

“For the record, Tommy, I don’t think she’s either of those things either. Quirky? Sure. She’s better than half the folks in town. That is for damn certain.”

“Exactly. So just treat her like a normal person. Don’t go and try to be her savior either. She ain’t need savin. She just needs a friendly face that understands her.”

“I have a friendly face?” Joel murmured with a soft chuckle to alleviate the tension.

“Hardly, big brother.” Tommy softly joked back.

“So, just so I got this all straight, Doc said that he thinks she might have..dissociative amnesia..but then what about her triggers? Does he know about her episodes? Cus’ she looked at me like I was gonna fuckin’ hurt her. If her brain is tryin’ to block out the trauma..her body is still actively experiencing it?” Joel asked as he gently nudged his horse’s side to walk forward.

“Y’know how you have your own triggers? I’m thinkin’ that she does as well. However, hers are most likely associated with noise. When we first brought her in we had her stay at our place for awhile..and there was one mornin’ I was up early putzin’ around the kitchen and I guess the sound of a pan clatterin’ in the sink freaked her out. She kept tellin’ Maria someone was out to get her, but when Maria asked who, she couldn’t answer.”

“Well..that explains what happened this mornin.’ I jus’ uh—wanted to do somethin’ nice for her so I was shovelin’ her walkway. Maybe the sound of the shovel scrapin’ on the concrete triggered her?”

“Well, chivalry ain’t dead. That’s for damn sure. Yeah, I’m sure it triggered her flight or fight response. She wasn’t logically able to decipher what the noise actually was. Y’know, I'm pretty sure Doc has some books on this stuff if you wanna read up on it.”

Joel was just about to respond when his horse let out a nervous snort and pawed at the ground with his hoof. Horses were incredibly intuitive creatures. They could sense danger from a mile away.

Both Tommy and Joel were already grasping their rifles in a fight response. There was a drifting odor of smoke from a fire..at first Joel thought it was just a typical wood burning fire, until the putrid stench of rotting flesh hit his olfactory senses and it brought him right back to living in the QZ. His eyes watered, and his lungs burned. No doubt in his mind that there was a raider camp nearby.

“We should turn back right fuckin’ now Joel. We should go find the others—” Tommy hissed under his breath.

“No. We’re gonna go investigate. Lucas and Cody probably already detected the smoke as well. This ain’t the first time you and I have gone into somethin’ together. You cover me, and I’ll cover you. Deal?” It was incredible how fast Joel was able to switch back into survival mode. It was embedded deep within his bones, and it didn’t take much for it to be clawing right through his skin. He had been the hunter, more times than he had been the prey.

“If we’re outnumbered, then we split. Got it?” Tommy wasn’t about to go and risk his life tonight.

“Got it.” Joel agreed.

The raiders camp was only a few miles to the east from Jackson. The smoke was billowing high in the air as Joel and Tommy used the snowy evergreens as cover. They had since dismounted from their horses and continued on foot. The camp they stumbled upon was freshly abandoned..but why keep the fire going? Was the first thought that crossed both Joel and Tommy’s minds. They had the barrel of their rifles aimed at the ready as they cautiously crept through the camp. The smell of rotting flesh only began to intensify as they neared the source of the fire.

What they stumbled upon was nothing short of gruesome. Five bodies in total stacked upon chopped down logs. It was difficult to make out facial features, as the deceased bodies were charred to a crisp. One thing was for certain, these people were not infected.

“Were they killed for sport?” Tommy questioned as Joel slowly crouched down next to a body that wasn’t as scorched completely. He could make out feminine features and long follicles of hair. He could feel the bile churn deep in the pit of his stomach as he looked away and pressed his face into the collar of his jacket to try and block out the smell. “These are women, Tommy. Five of ‘em. All dead.”

“Jesus fuck. What the hell happened here?” Lucas and Cody had smelled the fire as well. They were in utter disbelief as they approached the slow burning fire.

“Raiders.” Joel muttered under his breath as he slowly stood back up. His knees cracked from the movement as he grinded his teeth together to block out the uncomfortable tightness in his back.

“Were they infected?” Lucas had asked.

“No. They were just..people.” Tommy somberly confirmed.

Silence washed over the four men as they retreated from the fire. Joel kicked at a pair of heavy chains that laid upon the ground with his boot. “These women were prisoners.”

“We need to put this fire out, and then report back to Maria immediately. She’s goin’ to want to hear about this, and I already know she ain’t gonna be happy.” Tommy muttered as he slung his rifle strap along his shoulder.

“Tommy, we can’t just leave them here. They deserve a proper burial. They deserve to be laid to rest..” Joel couldn’t help but wonder how long these five women were enslaved. Could they have been saved if the patrol group had left earlier? Five lives could have been saved if only he had just—

“Joel, I hear you brother, but the ground is too hard. We can’t bury them. I’m sorry.” Tommy was sorry. These five women deserved better. He wanted to be able to bring them peace as well, but some things were just not possible.

“Fine. I’ll fuckin’ do it myself.” Joel snapped as he slung his rifle strap over his shoulder in one swift movement. He started the trek back to his horse while Lucas and Cody kicked a bit of snow over the dying embers.

Joel returned with a blanket from his saddle bag. He was going to attempt to move the bodies, but he was afraid that their charred bones would shatter. Instead he gently laid the blanket over their remains. He stood there for a good solid five minutes just staring down at the snow covered earth with a clenched jaw, before he finally walked away.

For the entirety of the somber ride back to Jackson, Joel was dead silent.

It had felt like months had passed since you had last seen Joel Miller. In all actuality, it had only been one month. Your brain was just going all doomsday mode on you and convincing you it had been longer. At first you had tricked yourself in believing that maybe Joel didn’t actually want to be your friend. Maybe he was just lying. Maybe he too thought of you as just the nutty coffee woman. It wasn’t till Maria had given you a surprise visit to your little coffee shop. While she was quietly sipping on her latte, you couldn’t help but ask if she had seen Joel lately. You felt slightly pathetic with a sprinkle of naivety. Were you really that desperate for human connection?

“I assigned him, Tommy and a few other men to patrol the late night shift. They stumbled upon something in the woods, and brought it to my attention. Now, before you start freaking out, we are safe here. What they found was just concerning, and they’re making sure that there is no active threat that we need to pay any concern to.”

You paused the movements of the towel below your palm as you were wiping down the countertop. “Oh. I thought maybe he just..nevermind. What exactly did they find in the woods that was concerning, Maria?”

“Beanie, you know I can’t disclose that to you. All I need you to remember is that you're safe. That’s why we have patrol parties. They keep everyone in the commune safe. I just figured you were deserving to know that Joel hasn’t been blowin’ you off for the past month. Him and Tommy are resting in the morning after patrolling all night. It shouldn’t be an issue now that the weather is starting to shift. Usually means that people are movin’ on as resources will be plentiful again.”

You let out a sigh as you crossed your arms over your chest. It did feel silly in some way that you let your brain convince you that Joel was in fact blowing you off. “Yeah.” You mumbled under your breath. “I know why you can’t disclose that information to me.”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks, Beanie. Don’t worry.” Maria reassured you.

Ha

By the time that you did see Joel again, winter wasn’t quite ready to release her icy grip around the earth. She was going to cling on just a bit longer. It was late at night and to put it simply? You were having a rough time. Spending the majority of your day alone was beginning to close in around you. The thoughts were growing louder and louder, and the nightmares you had begun to experience were the same sequence over and over like a vicious cycle that you were sucked down into, unable to escape its painful clutches. That's how you found yourself sitting alone on your roof. Your bedroom window was opened just enough that you were able to climb out onto the roof tiles. You were shivering at first, trembling as your teeth rattled against your jaw. Soon enough, the nipping chill didn’t feel as painful. A peaceful numbness washed over you as if you were in a trance.

Joel had just gotten back from being on patrol. He stopped at the stables to untack his horse, Tex and then he was heading home. He passed by your house every night, and he would stop at your front gate, debate seeing if you were awake, before he would ultimately decide going straight home was easier. On this particular night he was torn from his path home. All because he swore he saw a shadowy figure sitting on your rooftop. He thought maybe his own mind was playing tricks on him until he stepped closer to your house. He was then able to make out a human shape sitting upon the roof tiles. He didn’t even have to guess hard if it was you sitting up there. He just knew.

He called your name, and you didn’t budge a smidge.

“For fuck sakes.” He muttered under his breath as he cupped his hands on either side of his face and yelled your name once more. “BEANIE!” This time his baritone voice broke through the figurative icy shell that was wrapped around you like a cloak. You finally looked down, squinting through the vast darkness.

“Woman is gonna fuckin’ freeze to death out here. Fuck. What the hell is she doin’ up there anyway?!?” He muttered to himself as he pushed open your gate. “I’m comin’ up!” He yelled from the top step of your front porch.

Joel?

The sounds of his heavy boot steps descending up your staircase sounded muffle to your ears as you slowly dropped your chin to rest along your kneecap.

“Jesus fuck, Beanie. What the hell are you doin’ out here?” Joel harshly whispered as he pushed open your bedroom door. He had genuine concern stricken through his hardened features.

“Sitting outside on the roof.” You murmured.

“Yeah, ya don’t say? I can see that you’re sittin’ on the roof, but its fuckin’ freezin’ out here. Why don’t ya have a jacket? A blanket? Beanie, you’re gonna fuckin’ freeze to death out here.” He was already slipping his own jacket off of his shoulders and gently placing it along your shoulders as he carefully climbed through the window and onto the roof beside you.

“I don’t really feel the cold anymore, Joel.” There was a lack of emotion in your tone as your eyes slowly flitted over to him.

“Fuck. Well, that ain’t good either, darlin.’”

“I just..needed to breathe. I felt like I was suffocating in there.”

“Somethin’ happen? How long..have you been feelin’ this way Beanie?” Joel asked you softly as he met your soft gaze.

“I don’t know. A while?”

Joel sighed as he rested his weight back on his palms. “Well, I've felt that way before too. Numerous times actually. I’ll have these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and…my heart feels like it’s stopped.” He softly admitted.

“Like…you can’t breathe?”

“Yeah, like there’s water in my lungs instead of oxygen. Like i’m drownin’ and no matter how hard I swim, I can’t make it to the surface.” He murmured.

“Like..the darkness is closing in? Swallowing you whole?”

“Yeah, but that’s why you gotta look for the light. When you're lost in the darkness, look for the light.”

Joel’s words hung heavy in the air as you both sat in silence, looking up at the vast array of stars that were outshone by the brilliant pale white moon. Shining like a beacon in the inky black sky.

“Joel?” You asked through the growing silence.

“Hm darlin?’”

“Joel, what keeps you moving forward?”

Joel didn’t even have to give a single thought to your question. He already knew the answer. It was family. Family was the one thing that kept moving him forward in this new life.

“Family. You keep goin’ for family.” He confirmed as he watched the way you absentmindedly scratched at your arm, wiggled your nose as you let out a puff of icy air. “I don’t have any family.”

“That ain’t true at all. We’re friends, you and I. Friends can be family. What about Maria and Tommy? Wouldn’t you consider them to be your family as well?” Joel was looking straight into your eyes now as he softly spoke.

“You..consider me to be your family?”

“Darlin’, absolutely I do. You are my family. Why do you think I'm up here with ya right now?”

“To keep me from freezing to death?”

“Well, yes. But also because..I like spendin’ time with you. You think I'd come up here if I didn’t care about ya? I got a bad back and knees, darlin.’ One fatal slip off here and I'm toast.” He stifled a chuckle as his hand was now resting close to your own along the roof tiles

“Please, don’t fall.” Your pinky slowly looped around his.

“I ain’t gonna fall, dontcha worry.”

“Well, for the record, I'm glad you came up here.” There was a ghost of a smile on your lips as you looked over at him once more.

“Me too.” He gave your pinky a gentle squeeze. “Hey, if ya want..maybe you can go spend some time with Dina and Ellie? Help out around the stables? I know they can always use an extra set of hands.” He softly suggested.

“I guess I could do that, huh? I could use some more fresh air and I do like to see the horses.”

“Well, there ya go darlin.’ Sounds like you got it all figured out. I just know they’ll also appreciate seein’ another friendly face. Ellie ain’t got many friends either beside Dina and Jesse. I uh—think you’ll get along really well.”

“Joel?..” you asked as your cheek came to rest along his covered shoulder.

His heart skipped a beat as he did his best to not move and disturb you.

“Yeah Beanie?” He gently asked.

“Thank you.”

“What are ya thankin’ me for?” He asked as he cleared his throat under his breath.

“For being my friend.”

His heart had nearly just gone and burst right out of his chest as the frigid air turned the tips of his cheeks and nose bright red. He was secretly thankful that it was far too dark for you to detect the blush rising on his skin.

“You’re welcome darlin.’”

The sun was just beginning to peek above the horizon when Joel had finally convinced you to go back inside. He was genuinely concerned that parts of your body were frozen. Despite his aching back, and tired joints, he stayed with you until he felt like you were safe. His eyelids were beginning to droop as he rested his palm along his chin. His head bobbed as he struggled to stay awake. You were busy making a fresh pot of coffee and homemade cinnamon rolls, and you didn’t see his slumped form until you had turned around.

“Fiddlesticks,” you softly murmured as you set your bowl down and attended to his side. You gently shook his shoulder a few times before he was startled awake.

“Hey, how about you go and lay down on the couch? Rest up before you head home?”

You didn’t have to ask him twice as he slowly pulled himself up from the kitchen chair and trudged into the family room. You followed him shortly after and grabbed the thick quilt from alongside the couch and draped it over his sleeping frame. His arms were crossed over his chest as he snored softly through his much deserved slumber.

When he awoke hours later, there was a mug of coffee on the coffee table next to the couch along with a freshly baked cinnamon roll. Under the plate there was a scribbled note that read, Went to go see Dina and Ellie at the stables. Make yourself at home. -Beanie

He carefully tucked the note into his flannel pocket as he sat up. He took a hefty swig from the mug of coffee before he picked up the cinnamon roll. It smelled heavenly. With just the right amount of cinnamon and vanilla as the icing slowly oozed down the sides of his fingers. His first bite nearly had him moaning from the sugary taste. He devoured the entire thing, before drifting right back off to sleep with his arms wrapped tightly around the quilt that you had laid on him.

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#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #joel miller the last of us #joel x reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller tlou #joel tlou #joel last of us #joel the last of us #protective joel #joel and tommy #joel miller/reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller comfort #pedro pascal fanfiction #tommy miller #maria miller #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fic #tlou fanfiction #tlou hbo

[arabellavernierwrites]

Hii! I saw you're seeking requests and I may have one for Spencer Reid if that's okay. What if Spencer is invited to hs school reunion, and he really hesitates to go and maybe even getting emotional because that kid went through so much trauma. And reader (his girlfriend) being all supportive and ultimately he decides to go if she comes with him. It's up to you if you continue the story, them being on the reunion (it's always up to you!). If you not want to write this, that's totally okay, but if you do, can u tag me? Much love

Maya

reunion. s.r.

summary : spencer gets invited to his high school reunion, when it proves to be more difficult that he anticipated , you’re there for him.

word count : 1709

warnings : mentions of bullying , panic attack

a/n: hello ! oh my gosh i have missed you guys so much. this is my very first request ! thank you so much maya for requesting a really awesome idea , you have been so lovely and so supportive and i really genuinely thank you so much for it ! go read maya’s work !!! and my requests and dm’s are always open if any of you want me to write anything for you ! you all have continued to show me so much love and support , and from the bottom of my heart, thank you, it truly means so much to me. for some reason, when using tumblr on my phone , i am unable to follow back or reply to comments, so i will be trying to figure it out on my computer. but just know i see all of your comments and they mean so much to me, and even if i can’t follow you back, i check all your accounts and stories out all the time ! thank you again for all of the support, this one is a bit long, but i wanted to make sure it held you over for my absence. having the most amazing and wonderful day ever ! love you !

@c-m-stuff

as another successful day of work had come to a close, you found yourself setting your handful of personal belongings on the kitchen counter. purse, pile of documents from work, the mail. you slid your shoes off and sorted through the stack of papers.

the usual. bills, local advertisements, paychecks. an envelope from an unfamiliar address caught your eye.

you’re invited! 15 year high school reunion. event information and rsvp directions stated below. hope to see you there!

“spencer?” you called, making your way to meet him in the living room.

“oh!” you caught him off guard as he peered up from his book, “how was work?”

“it was alright,” you took a seat next to him on the couch, handing him the card, “you got an invitation to your high school reunion. 15 years”.

“what?” a look of bewilderment struck his face, “why would they want me there?”

it’s no secret that spencer’s high school experience was tougher than most. years of harassment and relentless bullying plagued him. faces he couldn’t forget, names that danced around his mind, traumatic memories that kept him on edge for a lifetime. they were demons that followed spencer everywhere he went, forcing him to treat his life like a fortress that most people never got access to.

“spencer-” you started, rubbing the back of his neck.

“i’m not going,” he interrupted, tossing the invitation off to the side.

“alright,” you smiled, placing a kiss on his nervous lips.

you were quick to throw the card away, not wanting a reminder of high school sitting out at all hours of the day for spencer to reminisce on.

•

a few days later, you and spencer were wrapping up dinner and getting ready to get in bed. he put the dishes away as you grabbed the trash to take out.

opening the lid of the trashcan, you noticed the paper with the words ‘you’re invited!” splayed across the top was gone. you furrowed your brow, thinking spencer could’ve thrown it out on his way to work, maybe he tore it up, the details weren’t important.

“i think i might go,” spencer spoke quietly, noticing your confusion.

“you think that would be good for you?” you asked, wanting to take the matter seriously for his sake.

“i think i’m old enough now to feel more removed from it, more comfortable facing it again,” he responded, unsure.

“if that sounds like it will be a positive experience, i’m all for it,” you stated, wanting him to be sure of himself, no matter what decision he makes.

“there’s a possibility. it’s just,” spencer placed the stack of plates down in front of him, taking a shaky breath, “it’s hard”.

you walked over, wrapping your arms around him, pulling him close to you. he dug his face into your neck, trying not to sniffle as he squeezed you.

“i’m sure it is,” you replied, giving him the chance to elaborate.

“when i think of high school, i think of names and faces. people who put me through hell, people who watched. i just don’t think i can do it alone. i think it’ll be too much,” spencer whispered.

“well, you don’t have to do it alone,” you offered.

you knew what spencer had endured in high school. you knew what it meant for a child to be stripped naked by a teenager, you knew that those were traumatizing years for spencer, and you wanted to be there for him in any way that he needed. even if that meant catching a flight to las vegas to attend a high school reunion.

spencer released himself from your grasp, standing to look you in the eyes, “what do you mean?”

“well, if it offers you any support, i’ll go with you,” you reached up to brush his pretty hair behind his ear, “if you need encouragement, a hand to hold, anything. i’ll go with you”.

you both paused.

“you’re sure?” he asked, appearing timid.

“it’s up to you. if you feel like this event is something you would like to attend, and you need someone to go, of course, i’ll be there,” you assured, holding his hands.

spencer thought about it for a few seconds, looking down and chewing on his lip, “i’ll go if you come with me”.

you cheered, “vegas!”

he laughed, swooping down to kiss your lips, “thank you”.

“anything for you”.

•

the next few days had been chock-full of planning. making arrangements with your bosses about needing a few days off, purchasing plane tickets, and booking a hotel room occupied most of your time. but you mainly wanted to keep an eye on spencer, making sure that he was still okay with this somewhat spontaneous trip, and prepare yourself to cancel everything if he changed his mind.

packing was a breeze, the flight was quicker than expected, and the hotel room was nice. overall, spencer seemed to be doing fairly well. aside from the usual stresses of traveling, he seemed to be slightly more stressed than normal, but that was expected.

“how are you feeling?” you asked, straightening spencer’s bowtie in the mirror.

he swallowed nervously, his adam’s apple bobbing, “fine”.

“whenever you’re ready to leave, just let me know,” you promised, knowing it would comfort spencer to have some kind of an out of the event.

“okay,” he nodded, “you look beautiful”.

you tried not to blush, but were unable to keep the heat from rising to your cheeks, “thank you. you look very handsome”.

spencer looked down, a small smile forming on his face, “thank you”.

“ready to go?” you asked, fixing a strand of his hair.

“let’s go,” he reached down to give you a quick kiss.

the journey wasn’t too far from the school, you arrived within a few minutes of leaving the hotel. spencer kept his hand intertwined with yours the entire duration of the ride.

the front of the school was decorated nicely, streamers softly swayed with the breeze, balloons populated either side of the gymnasium doors, and a large “class of ‘94!” banner framed hung from above.

“this is cute,” you nodded at the decor as you and spencer got out of the car.

he was silent. he squeezed your hand uncomfortably, as if you were one of the balloons tied to the front of the school, and he was worried you were going to float out of his grasp. it took him a moment to be able to step through the double doors. his breath wavered as music pounded the walls in front of you.

“you can do this,” you placed a hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes in an attempt to ground him, “we can leave whenever you begin to feel uncomfortable. okay? step by step”.

spencer nodded, “step by step”.

he took a deep breath and walked in. he kept his head low, paying more attention to his shoes than the scene in front of him. a gym full of people, mostly in their early thirties, standing around talking, drinking, and fluttering about tables to reintroduce themselves to their former peers. the lights were dim, the dj seemed to be having a nice time, and nobody was without a smile.

spencer looked up, trying to keep himself stable. he continued breathing in and out, making sure his grasp was comfortable in your hand, and allowed himself to appreciate the vibrations of the booming music. if things continued like this, he could even picture himself having a decent time.

the two of you walked a lap around the tables, not quite ready to engage in conversation yet, but allowing spencer to become more comfortable. he poured the two of you a small glass of champagne to nurse while you chatted with each other. you smiled, proud of the man in front of you.

“spencer reid?” a voice called out, approaching the two of you.

spencer turned to look, all color draining from his face as he realized who it was, “alexa lisbon”.

“oh my gosh, i haven’t seen you since you were just a kid!” she chuckled, “how have you been? i’ve heard you’re working for the fbi now”.

spencer was speechless for a few moments. he was finding it increasingly more difficult to breathe, let alone form sentences, “yes”.

“nice to meet you, i’m spencer’s girlfriend,” you shook her hand politely.

“i’m sorry, we have to go,” spencer choked out, grabbing your wrist and practically dashing out of the room.

he threw his back against the side of the car, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes and sliding down slowly, “i’m sorry”.

“don’t be sorry,” you sunk down with him, rubbing his arms.

“it was just so dark, and so cold, and all those kids were just watching. they watched and they laughed. i couldn’t- i couldn’t even tell my mom about it-” spencer’s breath quicked.

“spencer,” you took both of his wrists in your hands, pulling them away from his eyes before he hurt himself, “look at me”.

he looked up, panic exploded behind his eyes like a menacing firework show. his hands shook, his lips quivered, he was lost inside his own mind.

“you’re here, with me,” you looked deep into his eyes, “we’ll go back to the hotel and get a great night of sleep, then we get to take a lovely flight home back to our warm bed. you’ll go back to work and morgan will ask you how your week was, he’ll ruffle your hair and you’ll roll your eyes as hotch tells you guys to focus. you’ll come home and we’ll have dinner and a bath. we’ll get in bed and you’ll read to me, or i’ll update you on the latest gossip magazine that you definitely don’t care about. you’ll kiss my lips and i’ll kiss yours. we live our own lives now, you aren’t that kid anymore. they can’t hurt you”.

“right,” spencer nodded his head slowly, gaining control over his thoughts again. you held him until his breath evened out, until his hands stopped shaking, and until he was feeling okay again.

you made a promise to be there for spencer, and because of it, he couldn’t be more in love with you.

#criminal minds #criminal minds blurb #criminal minds drabble #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #kind spencer reid #loving spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid best friend #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #caring spencer reid #caring for spencer reid #spencer reid boyfriend #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid / reader #criminal minds fan fic #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds image #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds / reader #criminal minds x reader #criminals minds fluff #criminal minds angst #criminal minds hurt / comfort #spencer reid hurt/comfort #spencer reid hurt/ comfort

[chiffon-and-spice]

I Can't Be Who I Was (Leon Kennedy x Reader)

Post, RE:2 Leon (clean fluff)

Concept- After the months leading after the events of Raccoon City, Leon struggles with nightmares. One night, it seems worse than usual, and you're desperate to comfort your traumatized boyfriend. 

CW-  alcoholism sorta (implicitly stated)

A/N- If you want some Leon smut, don't worry, I've got something along the way. This is just a purely self-indulgent piece, because I've been going through it and really need some fluffy support. 

You were somewhat confused at first, as you blinked your eyes open carefully, attempting to adjust to the darkness in the room. You weren't sure what had woken you up at first, as you tiredly gazed around the room. 

After finding nothing, you rolled back over, ready to fall back asleep, when the sound of a quiet whimper made you shoot up.

It seemed to get a little louder, and as you glanced over to the other side of the bed, you noticed Leon's quivering form. His eyes weren't closed, but squeezed tightly, as he thrashed at the sheets, his hand balling the fabric. His body moved once again, as his teeth grit into each other and his mouth moved. The man's voice was quiet, and you couldn't make out much.

"I failed..." was the only coherent sentence. Despite being covered in the blankets he seemed to be shivering. No matter how often you tried, the man refused to sleep with little more than his boxers, claiming he'd just get hot in the night.

You couldn't help but feel a twinge in your heart, not surprised by his actions. It wasn't like this was new for Leon. Ever since the events of Raccoon City, it was rare he got a moment of peace. Despite being there, you two had only found each other later in the night. Some of the horrors he talked about, made you reevaluate your own events that night. 

What startled you most however, was that his movements seemed to be a little bit more spastic than usual, and he was... sobbing. He kept repeating words and phrases to himself. 

"Leon..." you whispered quietly, not wishing to cause him any more harm than he had already gone through. Unsurprising, your words didn't seem to have an effect on him. In fact, his movements only seemed to grow more erratic, as he shifted around, disturbing the bedsheets.

"My fault... All my fault," you made out.

You gently shook him, instantly worried. The movement seems to shake him, as he quickly sits up, moving your arms away from him. Leon's actions catch you off guard, as you lose your balance falling off the bed.

You were surprised however, when Leon quickly reached over, steadying your balance. Even though he had just been asleep moments ago, his instincts were still pretty sharp. 

His blue eyes held that all too familiar tired look, as he gazed down at you for a moment, making sure you were safe. 

Leon groaned slightly, running a hand across his face. He looked so closed off, compared to the emotions he had displayed before. You could see the tension ripple in his back muscles, as his shoulders tightened up. 

"Shit..." he breathed quietly, before turning to see you. 

The look on your face must've been unpleasant, as his features softened, and he gently reached out, rubbing your arm.

"I'm sorry babe, did I wake you...?" he asked quietly, holding back a yawn. 

Despite everything he'd been through, he was always ever so gentle with you. Your heart softened from his touch, as you carefully placed your hand over his. He had been the one struggling, and was worried that he had woken you up.

"Another nightmare?" you whispered softly. 

Leon didn't say much, slowly letting go of you. He looked so guarded, as his lips tightened and his eyes dropped back down. He seems unsure what to say, only shrugging softly.

"Nothing to worry about. I didn't mean to disturb you," he answered. 

The look in his eyes reminded you of a puppy that had been scolded. They were glassy, though you couldn't tell if that was from lack of sleep or being haunted by a million memories from that night. Either way, he didn't seem interested.

"Leon?" you asked quietly. 

He doesn't seem to hear your response though, instead pulling the covers back, as he turns, setting his feet on the wood floor. His hand raises, as he pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly. Then, the blond reaches for the drawer on the bedside table, running through the contents. 

After a moment, he slams the drawer annoyed, his hands revealing nothing. You didn't have to ask, you knew what he was looking for. You frowned at the circumstance, moving over to sit beside him. 

This seems to make Leon tense up more, as he stares at the ground awkwardly. 

You gently took his hand, using your thumb to carefully caress his knuckles. 

"Please...Talk to me," you pleaded gently. 

Leon only shrugged softly, pulling his hand away. 

"It's fine... you just get back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

Carefully, he lifts himself off the bed and leaves the bedroom without another word. Your heart sank, at his words, watching his silhouette slip away. It wasn't like you had expected him to start talking, no you knew better than that. You still couldn't help the disappointment you felt in his disappearance however. 

You rubbed your eyes carefully, as you made your way after him. The wooden floor was cold against your bare feet, and creaked under your weight. It seemed to wake you up a bit more. You fumbled through the dark room a little less gracefully than Leon, but eventually found the door and cracked it open.

You weren't surprised to find Leon hunched over your dining table, a bottle in his hands. Your shoulders drooped, as you pulled out the chair beside him. You thought moving the flask out of the bedroom would help defer his habit. Knowing Leon however, you should've expected him to have stashed something around the house. He doesn't meet your eyes as he glances down, swirling the bottle quietly to himself. 

"What was it this time...?" you asked cautiously, choosing to ignore the bottle for now. The last thing you wanted him doing right now was shutting you out. 

You couldn't quite make out his features in the darkness of the room, but you could hear the bottle moving around between his hands. The dark liquid makes a soft sloshing sound. The room is silent aside from that, and Leon seems to be studying the table. 

You slowly reach over, wrapping your hand around his. 

"Leon..."

Upon hearing you say his name, he stops, but his grip on the bottle doesn't loosen up. His ice blue eyes feel particularly cold in that moment, as he stares blankly at you. Leon's gaze doesn't hold, as he looks down, letting out a quiet sigh. 

"It's always something..." he whispered. 

You stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. Eyeing him for any indicators as to what you could possibly do. You felt your chest tighten, at the sound of his foot slowly tapping against the floor. The room seemed to grow a little colder.

"I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I think I'm just tired," Leon finally finished, closing his eyes, as he let out a breathy sigh. 

It wasn't unlike him to shut down and make excuses. No matter how often you reassured Leon that talking was good, he always seemed to back away from the idea. Almost like if he told you too much, you might slip away into the night and look for something easier to handle. His burdens weren't your responsibility. 

"This time it sounded pretty bad... Was it about Marvin again?"

The blond seems to cower at the name, his thumb running along the bottle, as he takes a long sip. His hair kinda falls all over his face, momentarily covering his eyes. He hadn't gotten it cut in awhile. 

Some nights you'd spend hours brushing your fingers through it, as Leon fell asleep in your lap, lulled by the comfort of your touch. Those were on the nights when you could convince him to let you comfort him. Recently, there have been less nights like that and more like the ones right now. Quiet, as Leon sipped on a bottle, ignoring whatever had disrupted his sleep. 

"No...," he finally replied quietly, setting the bottle down. 

"You know that night wasn't your fault... right Leon?"

Leon seems to shift slightly in the chair, his knee twitching a bit, as he turns his head, now staring at the wall. He doesn't speak or move after that. You know what he's thinking, as he avoids your gaze. 

You stand up, making your way over to him. You're startled when he raises his hand however, shaking his head.

"Don't... Don't try to excuse my actions. If I hadn't shown up late... If I had just gotten there a little sooner-"

"Don't do that to yourself Leon. Don't beat yourself up over things you couldn't have possibly known. I was there when it all started, there was nothing you could've done for Raccoon City."

"I could've died for it."

You felt yourself wince, as you carefully wrapped your arms around his torso, burying your head in his neck. He doesn't seem to respond to your touch, only continuing to look at the wall. 

"So many people died because of me... "

"More people lived because of you Leon. Sherry, Claire, and I escaped because of your help. Sherry is currently safe because of you. I made it out because of you."

"Yeah, but what about Marvin? Or Anette. Or... or Ada..." he whispered, now finally meeting your gaze. You knew what he was looking for. His screams could be heard all throughout the facility, as you made your way forward. The desperation in his voice. Ada's death hit him the closest. Being so close to saving her, only for her to slip in his grasp. How couldn't he blame himself?

"None of that is on you Leon..." you breathed softly, looking up, but not removing your hands. "You did everything you could."

The man pulled away from your touch, standing up now. He ran both his hands along his face, as he let out a frustrated sigh. Leon started pacing back and forth, once again not meeting your gaze. 

"I had her, right in my hands. And I... she just..."

"There was nothing you could do..." 

Leon turned, grabbing the back of the chair closet to him. His grip was so tight you could see his knuckles beginning to pale. His blue eyes seemed to darken, as he closed them, lips pulling into a thin line. 

"I could've saved her. If I had just been stronger... If I didn't go charging out there-"

"Leon... you can't save everyone."

"It was my job to save everyone. It was my job to ensure the safety of others. I failed before I could even get into it."

It was often he spiraled like this, and each time hurt a little bit more than the last. To know how Leon saw himself, left an ache in your chest. Between seeing all the death around him and knowing he was one of the few to survive, gnawed inside of him like a parasite. 

"Leon, how many times that night did you put yourself first? Even if it meant endangering others?"

His head shot up startled, as he studied your frame. He's wordless for a minute, almost confused by your words. You notice his grip on the chair eases, but the glassiness in his eyes only seems to increase.

"I... What? Never, why would you ask that?" 

"Exactly... your entire time there, you did nothing but risk your life for others. Hell... I watched you take a bullet for a woman you barely knew," you gasped out, dropping your shoulders. 

The tension in Leon's shoulders seemed to tighten, as he grit his teeth, shaking his head.

"It didn't matter... saving her life doesn't make me any better, if I also am the one that took it."

"You didn't shoot the bullet."

"I might as well have."

  "Leon-"

You're startled when his voice rises, and you can see tears slowly slipping down his eyes.

"How much longer until I fail you the same way...?"

With those words, the tension in the air seems to snap, and his voice sounds so loud. It echoes and reverberates in your heart. His words seem to flow through your very veins, burning a fire through your body. You want to collapse in his arms or hold him in your own. 

You slowly made your way over, taking his face in your hands. His cheeks are soft and wet with tears, as your thumb gently brushes along the ridges. You familiarize yourself with every little detail. The dark circles under his eyes, the tormented look in his pupils, the way his expression seems to soften from your touch. 

His face is warm against your fingers, and it's so quiet you can hear his heartbeat. Leon seems unsure how to react, at first not looking at you but not pulling away either. Standing before you, he's a tormented and beaten man. 

"I'm scared of the day when you realize you can do better than me. That after one too many sleepless nights, you'll decide I'm not worth the effort. That I'm just... too hard to love."

With each word he sounds defeated. His cheeks are flushed, and he's no longer holding back. His tears are now running down, brushing past your fingers. You only tighten your hold, pressing your forehead against his own.

"Baby... I'm with you because I want to be. Every day I wake up and choose to love you, because there's no one in this world more perfect for me than you. When I wake up in the mornings, and the bed is empty, I practically crave your presence. No love is easy, but for you it's worth it. I'm not going anywhere, not without you."

Leon still doesn't meet your eyes, wearing that worried expression. The one that practically makes your blood turn cold, and leaves you frozen in place. Part of you wonders if he even heard your words, but based on his slight shuffling and avoiding your gaze, you assume he did.

You carefully rested your forehead against his own, feeling a slight pinch in your heart. You needed him to believe your words. To know that you were there for him, and wanted him in every way that mattered. 

"Leon... look at me," you whispered, trying to meet his gaze.

He's fidgety at first, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. You can see his back tense, and his chest doesn't even move, almost like he's holding his breath. Then, Leon lifts his eyes shakily to meet yours. The tears hadn't left, and he somehow looked more tired than when the conversation had started. 

"There's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing you could do to make me love you any less. Raccoon City was a lot."

Leon's blue eyes sort of squint, probably trying to blink tears away, as he gently pulls his face from your grasp. His shoulders are still hunched, as he bends down grabbing the bottle. He turns it in his hands and lets out a hollow laugh.

"You... I wish I could be the person I used to be. The kind of guy you deserve. One who could sleep peacefully through the night. The kind of person... who doesn't scream in his sleep and shove his lover over on the bed. The person who can cook you breakfast, and doesn't wake up hungover and angry. And it hurts, because I know I'm capable of being that guy... that I was that guy. And you never got to meet him. Never got to see what I was like before...what I was like when I was still good. When I deserved someone like you. When you look back on yourself, you're supposed to see growth, but I just feel like I keep stepping back."

You shook your head, your chest tightening with his words. The way he looked, as he paced around the tiny dining room made you feel so helpless. You took a few cautious steps forward, relieved that he doesn't seem to back away. 

In the midst of his rant, you just hug him from behind, wrapping your arms tenderly around his stomach. You bury your face against his bare back, as if you can somehow take on all the weight crushing his shoulders. You can feel his breathing slow, at your touch, as his heart rate increases. 

Then, you feel his back relax, as he just turns and melts into you. Leon rests his chin on your head, practically crushing you with his weight. Your fingers gently comb through his hair, as you try to give him the reassurance you can.

"You've been through a lot Leon, people don't just walk away from the things you have and remain the same. You acknowledge you can do better, so work towards it. I believe in you Leon, and you're still a good man. That's who I fell in love with. That's who I choose to see, even when you don't."

You can feel the blond practically crumble from your words, his cries growing quieter, as he slowly buries his head in your hair. 

"I'd be so lost without you..." he whispered.

"You'll never have to worry about that."

After a little more reassurance, you two made your way back to the bedroom, his head in your lap, as you talked about small things. Random events, funny office moments, stupid choices you both had made in your past, and anything else that came to mind. Anything to help distract him from the memories of that night. 

Within moments, Leon's head rested cozily on your chest, as you stroked his hair, careful not to pull it too tightly. His words had slowly spilled off into silence, and it wasn't long before his eyes closed and you could see the slow rise and fall of his chest. 

The man's face was much softer than it had been before, however his grip around you never loosened. 

&lt;;3 My A03 Account

#leon kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #leon x reader #leon kennedy angst #leon s. kennedy #resident evil fic #Leon Kennedy

[ethereal-night-fairy]

Forgotten sorrows

Chapter 4

Fae!Soap X Female Reader

Rún tries to keep her emotions in check while dealing with her traumatic memories and a turbulent reunion with Price.

Warnings: MDNI, dark themes, mention of trauma, suicide attempt, mental health talk unstable emotions, guilt and angst, sorry if I missed any.

Sorry I've been gone for so long it's been over a month i know. I just had a lot on my plate but I'm hopefully getting back to a more consistent writing routine. This chapter isn't all that great but it goes into detail on how Rúns mind works. Im not even sure Rún and Soap will be a thing by the end of this story but we'll find out together lol. Next chapter will probably be a mix between Rúns Pov and Soap's Pov. I just wanted to let anyone know that I'll be blocking blogs that follow me that don't have ages or +18 in their bio. I rather minors not read my content. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. This Fae au belongs to @ghouljams I feature their Oc in my writing, send them some love. This story wouldn't exist without them.

Forgotten Sorrows Masterlist

Masterlist

Words: 5.1k

After entering the home, you occupy yourself by looking around trying to see what had changed since you last came rather than talk about why you were crying. Your friend walked into her kitchen after getting you settled in her living room probably giving you time to sort through your thoughts. You felt the magic of her wards buzz around you welcoming you back after what felt like years but it had only been a couple of weeks since your last visit. Your eyes stung from crying and you felt a little restless so you get up and walk towards her massive bookshelves and cabinets. Little sniffles still left you as you inspect different vials and jars of herbs displayed on her old mahogany shelves. You definitely felt a lot safer than you did before which helped greatly in calming down your nerves. You decide to prop your little wrapped gift beside her other herbs and spices hoping she'll like it. Your best friend comes in with two mismatched tea cups on a tray with your muffins on it.

Sitting down she pats the space beside her on her sofa. She watches you walk over gingerly and sit down beside her. After handing you your cup she encourages you to take small sips of her herbal tea, gently probing trying to figure out how your seal broke while rubbing your back soothingly. She hasn't seen you like this since before your memories were sealed. You were never this unstable with your magic. Maybe it was a bad idea to begin with but it was the only thing at the time she thought would help you. You were in such a desperate state to forget everything, she was afraid you'd do something far worse. She eventually got you to speak. What followed was more tears and a whole lot of word vomit which she deciphered fairly quickly with some well placed questions. She'd gotten the gist of the series of events that brought you here in such a state. It was your sister again, she had a tendency to get herself in horrible situations only to dump all the responsibilities of said situations on you when things didn't work out. She wasn’t a fan of your sister and voiced her displeasure often. Though this time was far worse, your sister had become entangled with a fae. A fae clearly out to consume her. You were too kind for your own good and highly protective of the one person who said they wanted you as their family. You two would get into small arguments about the way your sister treated you so you both came to an agreement not to talk about it unless it was absolutely necessary to persevere your friendship. She was confused about how your seal broke though. Granted that you were only in your early teens when you managed to put the seal in place. But it had withheld all these years regardless of the amount of times you were perused by the fae or saw something parculiar. Especially that time when a fae tried draining your life force at your previous job. Witch was on a foraging expedition to gather rare plants in season when you ended up in the ICU. She had rushed back as soon as she was informed by your work. You were extremely lucky that fae from work didn’t come visit you in the hospital. You might of died if they came in contact with you in such a vulnerable state. You had chalked it up to overwork since the seal was in place which isn’t necessarily wrong. They did often overwork you with little regard for your wellbeing. Maybe your seal had reached it’s limit and was on the brink of collapse anyway.

Having gotten a fairly comprehensive understanding of the situation she starts gathering ingredients and materials to create protection amulets and charms while she listens to get your anger out on this 'infuriating' Fae as you so put it who was so adamant on ruining your sister. She clearly wasn't a fan of your sister and would much rather she left your life (not that she wished death upon her because she didn't....most of the time) but she knew it would devastate you losing more people in your life and she didn't want that. So out of the love she had for you she went about trying to help you the best she could. She listened to you go into great detail about why you hated this Fae. Why you wanted to "smack his stupid smirk of his handsome face" or that you wanted to "push his stupidily muscular body into the lake" or even better yet "gouging out his pretty ocean eyes". She couldn’t help but laugh to herself at the strange situation. You would inadvertently compliment him while thinking about all the ways you'd want to hurt him. She could clearly tell you were physically attracted to him but decided not to comment on it as she went outside to collect some things for the charms while you mulled over how you could further insult him.

She heard you pace around in the living room as you threw further insults at this mysterious Fae while enjoying a muffin. The witch felt a presence approach as she gathered the last of the ingredients she needed. Looking up she sees an ever so handsome Fae (though she'd never admit it to his face, not yet anyways) leaning against the wall and her threshold. She felt the smoke of his cigar engulf her in a warm embrace but she waved her hands dispensing the smoke cloud nonchalantly trying to appear unfazed by his appearance.

"Hello sweetheart", his deep gravelly voice sends shivers down her spine as she puts away her herbs into her basket standing up straighter.

"Price", she greets a little too eagerly, trying to keep the butterflies in her stomach at bay. They stay like this for what feels like hours just consuming each other through their eyes. Price eyes her up and down especially when she bends over to grab some herbs making idle chatter. Sometimes it feels like she dips her shoulders on purpose giving him an eyeful of full luscious breasts. Not that he's complaining but he'll have to teach her a lesson if she's doing that in public. She hears you walk outside through the backdoor still mumbling insults at that Fae you “absolutely” didn't have some sort of crush on.

"You know what's worse is his stupid name, What the hell kind of name is Soap anyway!?", She watches you look up from the muffin in your hand and freeze when you realise there's another 'visitor' in the garden. You lock eyes with Price with an odd look on your face as if you recognise him. It doesn't last long as you both hear Price speak. He just smirks leaning further against the wall pushing against the threshold a little more.

"Seems like a name for a true muppet if you ask me", he lets out a deep chuckle. Not knowing what to say you simply nod and mumble you'll be waiting inside. You glance back at him one more time with your magic swirling around you confused.

"She's all grown up", Price says to himself, moving away from the wall a little bit. "I'll come see you at a better time luv, seems like you have your hands full". The witch glances after Rún confused and goes to ask Price some questions only to realise he's left not before leaving a small bundle of rosy periwinkle on the wall with a small note attached. 'For the tea and biscuits last time'. She smiles at the note and puts the flowers into her basket to take inside still confused at your reaction to Price. She didnt realise you knew him.

You were sitting on the sofa finishing your tea when you saw her walk inside. You both exchanged a knowing look. You could see her flushed expression from a mile away. And She herself had questions she wanted to ask you. You spoke first excitedly.

"Well?", You narrow your eyes at her. "When were you going to inform me about this drastic change in your love life?

"What drastic change? He's juusst aaa …….friend?", She avoids looking at you while she begins preparing ingredients for the wards.

"Are you asking me or telling me? Because I don't believe you for a second!, you were making heart eyes at him", you scoff clutching your heart thankful for the change of topic. "Oh the betrayal!! The betrayal!! You kept this from me? Me? Your best friend? How could you?", You fake sob into your arm.

"You're so dramatic", she says, rolling her eyes focusing on preparing the things she needed. "I was not making heart eyes at him"

"Yes you were, I have eyes, I can see. Never took you for a liar", you pout. "And here I thought we'd live out our lives out together being platonic virgins", you hear your friend chuckle at that.

"Nevermind our stupid promise, that offer was only valid if we both reached 30 and hadn't lost our virginities or found someone we wanted to be with."

"So you admit it! You want to fuck him!",You watch her choke on her spit trying to deny it. "We only had a couple years left you know, we could have been platonic soulmates. But nooo you had to go find a very powerful Fae to take my place. I don't even have enough power to fight him to claim you. It's the beard isn't it? It is isn't it?”, you sigh playfully hand on your head as you lounge on her sofa like a french girl.

"Are you done?", she laughs grabbing a few things off her shelves. When she finally notices a small wrapped box on her shelf she lifts it to show you. She looks at you knowingly.

You avoid her eyes and just look outside refusing to comment on the present sitting in her hand. “How do you know Price?”, she asks changing the subjest. “You seemed to recognise him”.

“Price? Is that his name? Fits him well”, you think outloud. “Never took you as someone who was interesting in the elderly though”, you laugh jokingly trying to hide the pain of revisiting suppressed memories. You try piecing together the few instances you recall of him in your distorted mind. “I met him before i was brought to the orphanage, he looked the same as he did back then”. “You know the story of when i first met my father after my mother had died, he was there at the High courts when they decide what to do with me. He was the only one who spoke up and gave me the means to decide my own future.” You don’t explain further delving deeper into your own thoughts. Your friend notices and snaps you out of it not wanting you to enter a rabbit hole you won’t be able to get out of. She hands you the wards and protection charms to put into your sisters home.

“You dont need to think about that right now”, she holds your hands in hers. “The next few days are going to be extremely tough on your mind, your memories are going to come back in bursts and with your magic also manifesting you might spiral into hysteria. I want you to come stay with me for a little while so I can keep an eye on you and help you through it.”

You open your mouth to protest but she’s not having any of it. She insist you stay with her until your more stable and able to control your magic better. You sigh defeated and let her know you’ll pack your necessities and come back tomorrow after placing the wards in your sisters apartment. She hugs you as you leave and you feel the warmth and safety evaporate the second you step out through the gate. The feeling of dread re-enters your body and you glance around hastily before getting into your car and driving home. Maybe because you’ve become somewhat paranoid it almost felt if a shadow was following you or was in your near vicinity.

After placing the wards and charms in your sisters apartment when checking in on her as she worked from home you make your way back to your bestfriends house with your bag of necessities and clothing. Your sister seemed alot better and it didnt seem like Soap would bother her anytime soon considering she was complaining he wouldn’t respond to her texts from yesterday.

The next couple of days were very difficult. For both you and Witch. Guilt was eating away at you for being such a burden on her regardless of her constant reassurance that you were anything but. You tried your best to keep in touch with your sister as often as you could but with the building migraines and fits of passing out left you little time to worry about anything else. You also tried your best to be useful when you weren’t in pain but your attempts were shut down and you were told to rest. But after some light arguing she relented and allowed you to help with small tasks to keep your mind off things. Alot had happened in a few days and many disturbing memories resurfaced preventing you from leaving the bed. You spent majority of your day crying and trying to regain some sanity. Your daily meditation sessions helped with your racing mind and unstable magic. The witch would guide you through controlling your magic during the meditations even though your magic and hers were completely different.

Thing were slowly looking up but you felt very unsure of yourself and the identity you created when the seal was in place. The mundane life you had was your safe havan, which now felt inaccessible. You didnt know what to think anymore you didnt feel like the person you felt before, it was like you were back in the mindset of your childhood days. Times which you so desperately wanted to forget.

Memories would resurface of you trying to play with the other children at the orphanage. But because of the tricks the fae would play on anyone who got close to you they would get hurt, you were deemed unlucky or cursed. Some of the tricks were harmless enough like things going missing of being misplaced which would often be blamed you. But the pranks escalated as time went on, ending up with people being hit with potted plants that were on window sills or tripping and falling into nettles. One of worst memories that resurfaced so far was when you were waiting on the curb with another orphan girl you had befriended, you two were waiting to cross the street on your way home from school. You watched as other parents and guardians had come to pick up their children. You remember yearning for someone to hold your hand too while asking how your day was. From the coner of your eye you saw a large shadowy dog? Or was it a cat? Approach your friend as you two stood waiting for the lights to turn green. You had tried desperately to shoo it away before it came closer but the girl just saw it as you being mean to the animal and stopped you. You saw it push your friend onto the road when a car was approaching. Logically it would have been impossible for the animal to have pushed her onto the road so when it had happened and the car came to a screeching halt an inch away from the girl. Every adult on the street and cars understandably were screaming at you after making sure the girl was ok. Who was now crying recoving from the shock of almost dying. The orphanage cartakers were called by the teachers at the school gate and you were kept away from the other kids for a really long time as punishment. And for their safety for your so called ‘unpredictable behavior’ even though it wasn’t you who had done it.

The isolation that followed was one of the worst you ever felt. But blaming it on an animal you called a fairy would have deemed you insane or in need of mental counselling so you kept your mouth shut and took the blame. You could never forget the look your friend had given you after the ordeal. You spent months grounded with having to take up more chores to atone for your actions. Rumours spred like wildfire in school, parents and teachers alike warned kids to stay away from you. But after things settled down the guilt of the situation made you go apologise to the girl even though you never pushed her. You kept to yourself after that much to the releif of the other kids. The only place you felt safe was at the house of your current best friend. Her and her family would come donate things to the orphanage and spend time with the children. You laugh to yourself remembering the first time you had met her. She had introduced herself as ‘witch’ and nothing more as you sat on the grass making flower crowns at the edge of the garden. You had told her to stay away and that bad things would happen to her if she came close to you. Which she proceeded to ignore saying she isnt afraid of the fae. You remember looking at her with shock and admiration. For the longest time you were ridiculed for blaming the bad things that happed on ‘fairies’ as everyone else put it. You were now banned from talking about said ‘faries’. You asked if she could see them and she said no but she could sense them and her family said they were real so it had to be true ‘because grandma doesn’t lie’ . You asked why she wasn’t afraid and she said her family and her home is protected. And that you should come visit her grandmothers cottage since its only down the street. You watched her leave with her grandmother through the gate. They placed a charm on the gate before they left and you waved them goodbye.

You honestly owe your life to your her considering all she had done for you. You wouldn’t have made it so far in life without her. Hence the reason why you sat in her sofa ridden with guilt for causing disturbance to her life. Though she adamantly denies it. You watch her mull around her work space opening and closing drawers and jars making a list of things to stock up on.

“At least let me help”, you plead

“Absolutely not, you just had a mental breakdown”, she points her pencil at you before going back to what she was doing. “Sit pretty and enjoy your tea before it gets cold”

“Please i feel like a freeloader, a leach, a parasite”, you pout at her hoping to change her mind

“You are anything but, you may not realise or value the things you do for others but I do so just sit and enjoy your tea and let me take care of you”, she smiles at you finishing up her list.

“Can i make dinner at least?”

“No we’ll order takeout once i come home from shopping, i would take you with me but your magic is unstable right now so its best if you rest while i run some errands”, she walks over to you and places her hand against your cheek lovingly. “You are and never will be a burden on me, ok?”

You look into her eyes and nod as you get up to follow her to the door as she gathers her essentials. Before she leaves you call out to her one last time.

“Give me something small to keep myself occupied while your gone then....please”, you plead

She catches the desperation in your eyes, this whole ordeal was taking its tole on you she could see in your sunken eyes and the dark circles you now have due to the lack of sleep and constant nighmares. She thinks for a bit before she speaks.

“The flowers around the house are getting old, why not make some new flower arrangements to put in the vases?”

You smile at her suggestion and nod as you wave her goodbye and lock the front door.

You go about gathering all wilted flowers around the house and taking the vases to wash in the sink. Once everything was cleaned and dried you pick a basket and sheers to go into the garden to gather new flowers to arrange into bouquets. It felt a little odd being in the cottage all by yourself but the warmth and safety never left. You look open the back door taking in the good weather.

The fresh air felt nice on your skin. Paired with the bright sun shining on you, a calming sensation engulfed your senses. You let a shaky breath out trying to dispel all your worries even if it was only momentarily. You take a look around the garden contemplating on what flowers to choose. The red rose bush near the back gate stood out to you. They were in full bloom and had a lovely smell emanating from them. Making your way towards the bush you were careful not to touch the thorns as you cut the roses and put them into the basket.

The felt a familiar presence approach without having to look you knew who it was. The wards hummed in recognition as he leaned againt the wall, pushing at the threshold. You didn’t feel any form of hostility or danger from him surprisingly.

“She’s not here, but im sure you knew that already”, you say straighting your back and making eye contact with Price.

“Oh? And how would i have known that? “, he chuckles

“Your claim is on her, i only realised when i had seen you that day. There was a scent on her and her things that i overlooked”, you pout slightly still upset at losing your platonic soulmate, yeah definitely platonic....

You shake your head trying to dispel your thoughts.

“You upset i stole her from you?”, he smiles mischievously.

“I wouldn’t call it stealing per say. She’s still in my life and i dont plan on that changing. Her hapiness and wellbeing is my top priority, if you so happen to bring her hapiness who am i to object. Im happy as long as she’s happy”

“ ‘s that so?”

“Im asuming your here for some other reason than to annoy me?” you finish gather the roses as you move towards the peonys at the far end of the the right wall. Price casually walks as you do continuing the conversation.

“Heard one my boys was causing you some trouble. That muppet Soap has a ferocious appetite. I’ll warn you he hasn’t had a good meal in a while. Might be best to let your sister go and mourn already. I need my boys well fed to run my errands”, he says sympathetically.

Your pain takes a spike as you hear him mention Soap and your sister. You chest felt heavy when you look into Price’s eyes. He might of meant it sympathetically but in your mind it came across as condescending almost as a warning to back off. You felt hurt at his words considering he had helped you when you were little.

You scoff fighting the tears in your eyes and busy yourself gathering the peony.

“You fae are all the same, selfish and unempathetic”, you didnt want to enage in the conversation further conviced he’d say somthing to further upset you so you turn to leave. The pain was spreading from your chest as if you were being injected by liquid fire. It was coursing through your veins and burning every nerve ending. You felt your magic whiplash around you trying to keep danger away even if it was only emotionally.

“Don’t forget you have the same blood flowing through you. You are one of us. He may be doing you a favour by removing your sister from your life”

You snap your head toward him, anger bubbling up from deep within. You feel the pressure push at the walls of your mind. “When have i ever been seen as one of your kind!? This blood has brought me nothing but torment!!”, you laugh with no mirth in your voice. “Doing me a favour!? Doing me a favour? By what? Taking away my only family? By taking away the only person who needs me? My sister is the reason I am alive right now, I continue living for her sake. If she’s gone I have no purpose”, you give him your worst glare. You eyes begin to hurt and you feel a migrain coming on but you refuse to blink. You want to drive home the point you aren’t afraid of him or any fae especially when it came down to family. The magic within you becomes scorching hot, expanding and creating pressure that you felt in your eyes. The longer you stared the more the pain grew. It was as if you were pulling an elastic band to its limits waiting for it to snap or for you to let go. Either way you knew the sting was coming.

Price didnt say anything and returned your stare unnerved. He could see the pain not only in your heart but in your mind. He could feel the pain through the magic in the air, your magic had taken on a murky colour a mixture of red and green. You were actively fighting the seal on your eyes trying to prove a point but you were just hurting yourself. Your eyes were growing teary and he knew you were about to break. What he didnt expext was for your magic to combust around you when it happened. Like a match being thrown into a pool of gasoline the flames engulfed you.

You collapsed onto the grass desperately trying to contain your magic and tears. You felt like a failure, a burden trying to grasp at straws to keep people in your life. Now look at what you’ve done! How were you to explain how the garden burnt down. You sob into your hands trying to calm down. You wished the flames would just consume you. You were tired, so tired. If there was no hope in saving your sister why bother living. You thought of your will as you felt the flames touch your skin and burn you. At least you could repay them back in some sense for having had to waste their time on you all these years. Just as quickly as you embrace the flames you felt them extinguish. A cold sensation ran all over you soothing your superficial burns before you realised you were wet. You open your eyes and see Price inside the threshold but quite a distance away as if he couldn’t get to you in time.. You look at him confused. An empty watering can lay next to you. It must have been the protection wards that had put you out. You knew your friend would have felt that and was probably on her way home.

You look around disoriented, nothing had been burnt expect you. You decided to just stay quiet. You didn’t know how you could possibly go about explaining what had just happened to your friend when she got back without incriminating yourself and your attempt to end everything. You watch Price crouch down to your level bringing his hand towards you. You flinch and move back.

“Im just trying to see how badly your injured, i won’t hurt you”, he sighs a sad look crossing his eyes.

“Maybe not phyically but you have a way with words”, you bite back.

“We’re often blind to volatile people in our lives. Im sure i’m not the first or only person to warn you about her”, you stay quiet because you yourself know what your sister is like an how she treats you but for some reason you feel bound to help and take care of her to the point of exhaustion. You feel indepted to her for showing you kindness when no one else would especially after you sealed your memories away. Spending time in a house where no one acknowledged you was heart wrenching, she was your salvation when you couldn't find purpose in life. You couldn’t abandon her now. You were bound by duty of repayment.

You sniffle as you roughly wipe your face wincing when you came in contact with the burn. You had few people in your life who cared about you. You desperately needed to be of use to them. It was the only way in your mind they tolerated your presence. Why else would anyone need you or want you? You wouldn’t have been abandoned or mistreated if you were useful. The current situation had you feeling on thin ice as if you’d become a nuisance to the very person you love. Regardless of the amount of times she has reassured you, your mind refuses to believe it.

‘She’s just being nice’ ‘She just a kind hearted person to everyone your not special to her’ ‘You need to get better and leave before she she gets tired of you’, you mind would constantly berate you for wanting your needed anything from others. You needed to be 100% independent in order not to inconvenience anyone. And right now you were anything but. You were glad you didn’t burn down her garden though, one less thing to add to the growing list of situations to feel guilty for. The pain in your chest didn’t dissipate it only got worse as you sat there on the grass, as Price looked around for something to dry you with. In your desperation to lesson the pain you claw at your chest feeling around to rip out the source of your troubles. But how was one supposed to rip out emotions? You kept feeling around trying to find somthing tangible to pull out but you couldn’t. You were just left with a guilty conscience and a river of awful memories. Price tried to approach you a couple more times but you refused to let him near.

You didn’t know how much time had passed but the summer sun had dried you by the time you heard the front door open hastily and you watch your friend try to locate you. Your skin was still stinging from the burns as Price stood by leaning against the wall with his arms crossed with an unreadable expression on his face. She came into the back garden with a frantic look on her face. You watch her run to you and collapse onto the grass holding you to her chest. You wince from the burns and she pulls back holding your face in her hands, inspecting to see the extent of the damage. All you could do was apologise as tears streamed down your face. Begging for forgiveness saying you didn’t mean for it to happen. She just held you as you let everthing out.

Copyright © by ethereal-night-fairy. 2023. All Rights Reserved. Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or use with AI technologies.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #captain john price #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #john soap mactavish #call of duty mw2 #cod mw soap #soap cod #soap mw2 #johnny soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #cod fanfiction #cod fanfic #soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #soap mctavish #soap x reader #soap modern warfare #john mactavish x reader #johnny mctavish x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #cod modern warfare #modern warfare #modern warfare 2 #captain price #john price #1fae1 #fae!soap #fae!au

[specialagentlokitty]

Hannibal lector x reader - unravelling

Part two:

Scoffing a little bit, you shook your head.

“I’m not spiralling into anything Jack, I’m doing fine.”

He shook his head, sitting down on the chair in front of you.

“No, you’re not. When was the last time you actually had a good sleep? A good meal?”

“Last night.”

Lying had become a strong suit for you, so as Jack stared at you, you felt never more at ease, simply just staring at him.

“I know the accident was hard on you, you’re refusing to process what happened. You know that isn’t healthy, and you moved in with someone you only met after a couple of months, you’re at a bar every other night, and apparently you’re not allowed anywhere alone. It isn’t healthy.”

You glared.

“Who the hell do you think made me come here? Huh? I was just going to blow tis off, Sam made me come.”

“He has an extensive criminal record.” Will said.

“From his teenage years, look it makes paying rent easier.”

“We offered you your job back, we offered you a desk position. We’re trying to help you adjust after the accident but you refuse to help us.” He sighed.

You turned to Hannibal who was just stood silently observing the conversation.

“I don’t want your help.”

“Please let us help you, it’s what we’re here for.” Jack said quietly.

You scoffed again, glaring at him.

“Help me? You’re the reason I was in the fucking accident Jack! You sent me in there alone, told me to follow him, he ran me off the road down a cliff!”

“You blame Jack for what happened to you?” Hannibal asked.

You turned your gaze to him.

“If Jack had actually blocked the roads I suggested he blocked we wouldn’t have gone down that backstreet.”

Hannibal slowly nodded his head.

“Perhaps we should speak without Jack or Will. Do you agree to stay if they leave?”

You nodded your head, watching as the two of them left, you didn’t bother to say a word to them.

When the door closed, you turned your gaze back to Hannibal who was watching you intently.

“Tell me about after the accident (Y/N).”

“Why?”

“Well, Will has already told me about what you were like beforehand, in fact everybody can contest you were a very different person beforehand. You were polite, kind, always smiling.”

You shrugged a little bit.

“Memory might be a big foggy, severe head trauma you know. Even got the scar to prove it.”

Hannibal hummed, nodding his head and leant forward a little bit, resting his arms on his knees as he clasped his hands together.

“How long did recovery take?” He asked.

“You have access to my files right? I’m sure you’ve read them.”

“I do, yes. It says you stopped attending your recovery program. Then you moved apartments around two months later.”

You shrugged a little bit.

“Medical bills and household bills are a lot to handle at once.”

“Yes, perhaps they are. Except the FBI payed your medical expenses.”

“Did they? Must have slipped my mind.”

Hannibal regarded you for a moment, taking some time to study you, the way you rested your head on your hand and the blank expression on your face.

“You have secluded yourself from your past self, refusing to allow anybody who knew you before the accident to come close to you. Perhaps you should consider opening yourself to them again.”

“No thank you.”

“Not even Will? The pair of you grew up together and you refused to tell him anything that happened.”

You refused to say anything, and you turned away from him.

“I understand traumatic events can change somebodies life, running from it won’t get you anywhere (Y/N).”

“I’m not running from anything.” You growled.

You clenched your jaw, balling your hand into a fist a few times.

“You were in a coma for a month, took another month to be released from hospital, you refused to leave your home for weeks, then went missing for two months, you returned completely changed, moved in with your friend outside.”

“I’m done talking about this.”

You stood up, making your way to the door.

“Will is looking into what’s been happening.”

You stopped, turning around to look at him.

“Come and see me next week. I’d like to carry on seeing you, I believe we could make some progress over time.”

You scoffed, leaving the office and Sam stood up, leading you outside and when you got back on to the street he showed you his phone.

“A curfew on the eighth ward?” You asked.

Sam nodded his head, putting it back in his pocket.

You felt a pair of eyes on you and turned around to see Hannibal look out his office window.

He offered you a wave, and you ignored him, turning back to Sam.

“Let’s go.”

Sam followed you down the street, once you were out of view you found a dark place to pull your mask and gloves on, making your way to the eighth ward.

Jumping up on a lamppost, you gestured for Sam to do the same thing and he did, pulling his hood up to help hid his dog mask.

You both made your way across the ward like that, avoiding the inspectors that were patrolling the ground below.

Stopping at an intersection, you found a few other ghouls doing the same thing and one of them gestured for you to go to a rooftop, so you all did.

The one in the fox mask stepped forward.

“They’ve shut down the whole ward. Anybody outside is being arrested and they have a warrant to test anybody arrested for rc cells.” Kyle said.

You nodded your head, and Sam crouched down on the ledge, glancing down before walking back over.

“Even got a helicopter coming in.” He said.

“We need to move out as fast as possible then, go back to forth ward.”

Everybody nodded, and you looked at the helicopter that was coming over the city.

“Let’s go!”

You led them all over the rooftops, the light on the helicopter over you guys in a matter of minutes, and you kept going.

You could hear shouting from below, and you saw the lights from this ward to the forth ward which was covered in darkness.

“Members of the hell hounds stand down now!” The person in the helicopter called.

“Go!”

You ushered everybody into the ward and you jumped over, aware of the light following you.

Turning around, you looked up at the helicopter, sticking your middle finger up at it.

“Grimm stand down!”

You lowered your hand, putting your hands into the pockets of your jacket.

“We will enter with force!”

You just carried on staring, knowing full well that they wouldn’t enter the forth ward.

Sam and Kyle walked up to you, standing next to you.

“Stop taunting.” Sam whispered.

“Why? It’s fun. We all know they’re not going to come in.”

“Let’s just go, we need to get back.” He grumbled.

You huffed a little, turning around to leave with him, using the ward as a shortcut to get back home and you changed.

Sitting on the couch you turned on the news, watching the headline article about hell hounds being spotted running through the wards.

“You’re getting reckless.”

“We both know they’ll never get the task force to bring us down. I want to drive the bastard doctor who fucked me up out.”

“You really think he’s going to buy that?”

“He wants to see if his experiment worked, I’ve no doubt he’ll be watching.”

Sam walked over, sitting next to you.

“Can’t you just ask your FBI friend to run the name?” He asked.

“No. I don’t want them knowing I’m looking for this man. Plus it was a fake name, when I requested to see my surgeon after they said nobody by that name ever worked there.”

Sam nodded his head.

“The therapist?”

“What about him?”

Sam glanced at you before turning back to the TV.

“Will you continue to see him?”

“If I want to keep them all away then I have to, they’ll just keep getting involved until I go back to see him.”

“If they find out?”

“They won’t.”

Sam hummed a little bit, nodding his head.

You went back to see Hannibal the following week, again avoiding all of his questions that he asked, and you carried on avoiding his questions.

You were living two separate lives, and it was easy enough to keep them apart, you had grown pretty used to pretending to be human, and running the hell hounds.

It was a busy schedule.

So often you showed up to your therapy late, which was something Hannibal picked up on and finally decided to bring up after a month of you resuming his sessions.

“Do I need to arrange your appointments later?” Hannibal asked you.

Walking through his door, you made your way over to the chair and sat down.

“No. I’m just a busy person.”

“New job?”

“No.”

Hannibal nodded his head.

“What do you do for work?”

“Nothing.”

He nodded again.

“Have you spoken to Will like I suggested?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Look, people grow apart Hannibal. I’ve grown into a different person and Will can’t handle that so there’s no point holding on to somebody who can’t handle when someone changes.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s a waste of my time.”

He hummed a little bit.

You reached down, picking up your coffee cup and you took a sip from it.

You set your cup down, and brush some hair from your face.

“What if I were to set up a dinner for you and Will? I can do all the cooking, all you have to do is turn up, speak with him.”

“No thank you, like I said, not interested. I also don’t do dinner parties they’re not my thing.”

“Perhaps we could meet here then?”

“Nope.”

Hannibal set his notepad down.

“Do you not wish to be friends with Will anymore?”

You sighed a little bit.

“It doesn’t matter, we all go down different paths in life eventually right? Well, it’s my time.”

“Tell me (Y/N), do you wish to cut Will out of your new life?”

You thought for a moment about this, because you hadn’t ever thought about it before.

“Well, no. I just.. I want him to give me time, space. I get he’s worried but he’s all over me and what I’m doing. I need him to back off.”

“I see, so, if Will were to back away, would you be willing to get meet with him?” He asked.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Why are you so concerned about this anyway?”

Hannibal gave you a small smile, and leant back in his chair.

“I believe having contact with people from before your accident will help you process all that has happened. I believe you’re choosing to ignore the accident, meaning you aren’t processing everything that happened.”

“I’ve processed it.”

“Then tell me about it.”

You shook your head.

“No thank you, and I believe Doctor Lector our time is up.”

You stood up, grabbing your coffee cup, and you gave him a nod of your head as you walked towards the door.

“(Y/N)?”

You turned to look at Hannibal.

“If you want to talk about the accident, do get in touch.”

You didn’t say anything, you simply just left his office and Hannibal made his way over to his desk, taking his tablet to look at your medical file.

He had been studying it, because whatever happened just after that accident was the reason for your change in behaviour and there was a lot of holes in the records.

Something wasn’t adding up, he knew that and it made him curious, there was something about you that seemed so oddly familiar to him, and he wanted to know what

#Hannibal #hannibal x reader #Hannibal x you #Hannibal imagine #Hannibal lector #Hannibal lector x reader #Hannibal lector x you #Hannibal lector imagine

[celestial-specter]

I’ve seen a lot of recent debate across social media about what could possibly happen to Cody, given that he hasn’t been shown in any promotional material for the final season of The Bad Batch.

I will admit, when I first saw Cody in the promotions for season two, I did not feel very positive about his chances of survival, and here’s why.

In the episode of Star Wars Rebels, ‘Twin Suns’, Ezra comes to believe that Obi-Wan is alive, and being hunted down by Maul. When he voices these concerns to the others, they are hesitant to believe him, particularly Rex.

During this scene Rex looks to be rather unsettled, and says ‘Ezra, no one would like to believe General Kenobi’s alive more than I would.’

Looking back at the relationship between Rex and Kenobi during The Clone Wars, it can definitely be said that the pair were good friends, often working together on missions due to their mutual connection with Anakin.

However, it must be noted that Jedi were shown to have very close relationships with their clone commanders - while we did not see as much of Cody and Obi-Wan’s relationship on screen as we did Rex’s and Anakin’s, it can be assumed that they were on the same level, if not closer. Even years after the war, Rex has remained devoted to Anakin, shown by the remarks ‘The general I fought with was among the greatest of the Jedi’ and ‘Yeah, but he’s no Skywalker.’

Given that Rex still cares for Anakin in this way, it would seem he understands the closeness between Jedi and their commanders personally.

Additionally, given that we also know how close Rex and Cody were during the war, and that Rex has been attempting to free as many brothers as possibly from imperial control, I believe that Cody would be one of the first clones Rex searched for after Order 66. So, he would know that Cody was the one to give the order to kill Obi-Wan, and that Obi-Wan likely died there as a direct result of Cody’s actions.

It has been shown in the clone wars and the bad batch how guilty Rex felt about not being able to fight the effects of the inhibitor chip - so he would definitely understand the guilt that Cody carries, but for all they know, Cody’s Jedi actually died.

So, in my opinion, telling Ezra that there is no one who would want to believe in Obi-Wan having survived all this time is strange, unless Cody is actually dead by this point in the narrative.

Previous mentions of Cody during Rebels also tie in with this theory - the first time he is mentioned by Rex is during a mission with Kanan, when they talk about creating emergency codes during the war. At this point, Rex seems in good spirits, as if looking back on fond memories with a good friend.

However, when Rex, Kanan, Ezra, and Zeb are later captured by Separatist droids, Rex experiences a small episode of PTSD. He is clearly panicked, and when he hears Kanan’s voice urgently calling out to him, he assumes it is Cody, and calls out his name. Kanan brings him back to the present, but Rex is clearly shaken up, and says ‘I thought you were someone else,’ pointedly avoiding mentioning Cody’s name again.

With all this considered, and given that Rex has clearly gone through events traumatic enough to take him out of the fight against the empire by the time of Rebels, I personally don’t think we should hold out much hope for Cody’s survival :(((

#star wars the bad batch #star wars rebels #the bad batch season 3 #the bad batch theories #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch #the bad batch theory #star wars spoilers #star wars #star wars the clone wars #commander cody #captain rex

[questionableratatouille00]

𝓜𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓞𝓷 4

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary:  Steve mentioning his regrets about what he did during a traumatic event prompts Y/n to think about her own regrets. This sends her into a spiral, but a very special outing helps her out. Especially when the invite comes from that same redhead.

Warnings (Entire Series): This series deals with mature topics, including, but not limited to: death, mental health issues, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, grief, trauma, general unwellness, illness (both mental and physical), and a most likely inaccurate portrayal of group therapy (though it’s much better than whatever was going on in TFATWS.) Please mind the warnings below.

Warnings: grief, mentions of a dead lover, heart attacks, talks of trauma, cursing, self-hating thoughts.

🌻Series Masterlist 🌻

————————————————————————

𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭

“I regret what I did. When it happened.” Steve confessed, and you frowned.

“Would you like to share more about what happened?” Coulson invited him to speak.

“There isn’t very much to share. I was thirteen, my dad and I were outside. He was cutting down a tree, and then…well, he just clutched his chest and fell over. I think he called for help. I can’t…can’t remember it very clearly. But I just stood there. I just stood there like an idiot.” Steve swallows, clearing his throat.

“And I’m not saying he was the best dad, or the best man, because he wasn’t. He was a drunk, and he’d do stupid shit when he was drunk. But I’d never…never seen someone die before.” He rubbed his hands together every so often. “I regret it. If I’d done something, maybe he could’ve lived.”

“That’s not your fault, you know.” Wanda says gently. “You were a child. You couldn’t control that.”

Steve just shrugged in response.

“Does anybody else want to share similar feelings or memories?” Coulson addressed the crowd.

Regret. You understood that feeling. You regret what you did the morning of the accident. How you didn’t get to tell her goodbye that morning before she went to work. How you didn’t tell her that you loved her.

Warm sunlight spilled through the blinds of your bedroom, the blankets strewn about the bed. You’d chosen these bedsheets together, you remembered. You’d picked them out in the store together, soon before you moved into your apartment. These were good bedsheets. Warm, and comfortable, and safe.

You heard the distant sound of Natasha making coffee in the kitchen. You wanted to get up, to kiss her cheek and tell her you loved her before she went off to work. But God, you were so tired, and the sheets were so comfortable and warm and safe. Besides, you’d see her later anyway. She was only going to work. She’d come back around dinner time, and then you two could cook together or she’d bring something home. Like any other day.

But it hadn’t been any other day. You knew that now. God, you were such an ass. You should’ve just gotten out of bed like a normal, functioning human being and told your girlfriend you loved her and hoped she had a good day. It was so easy. Why couldn’t you have just done it?

But now Natasha is gone, and the last time you got to talk to her was the night before she fucking died, and what had you said to her?

“Can you take the trash out when you leave tomorrow?” Fuck, you wanted to beat yourself with a chair. Your last words to your girlfriend were asking her to take out the fucking garbage. Not ‘I love you, goodnight’ or ‘you’re my everything’ but ‘hey, can you take out my fucking garbage because I can’t get up off my ass and do it myself?’

You weren’t very present as you listened to the rest of the meeting, and you weren’t present when you walked out to your car, either.

“Hey,” a familiar feminine voice called for your attention. “Are you alright?”

You looked over your shoulder to see the redhead. “Yeah. Yeah, m’fine.”

“Are you..sure?” She asked softly. God, there was something about her, about the way she spoke, that made you want to tell her everything.

Fuck, you were just downright awful, huh? You couldn’t even be bothered to tell your girlfriend that she mattered to you, and now you’re just going to dump your baggage onto every attractive person you meet?

“I…” You trailed off, opting to rub your thumb against your keys. You decided to just shrug in response.

“Would—would you like to get lunch together? Tomorrow?” She blurted out. She bit her lip immediately after, and you could tell she regretted saying it.

But you nodded. You couldn’t lie, you’d been attracted to her.

“Great. Uhm—here’s my number.” She hands you a tiny piece of paper, and you’d realized that she’d been waiting to give this to you.

“Thanks.” You smiled. She nodded quickly, rushing off to her car. You chuckled to yourself, opening your car door and getting inside. You didn’t feel as shitty anymore.

As you drove home, you couldn’t help but think about her. You and Wanda were always pretty friendly with each other, exchanging a few words or compliments here and there.

———————

The next day, you made sure you didn’t look like you’d just rolled out of bed, taking the time to pick out a decent, matching outfit and even accessorizing with a necklace. It wasn’t fancy by any means, you were just going out to a cafe. You’d texted with Wanda about where the two of you were going to go, and you’d both eventually decided to meet at the cafe at 12:30.

You were out the door at 12:00, driving down to the cafe as you anxiously anticipated the…whatever this qualified as. It wasn’t a date. It couldn’t have been a date, Wanda liked men and only men, right? Just because someone isn’t homophobic doesn’t mean they’re gay.

When you arrived, she parked next to you.

“Hey,” you greeted awkwardly, wiping your sweaty hand on your thigh.

“Hi.” She smiled, and her nose crinkled. It was adorable, and she looked genuinely happy to see you.

You walked inside together, ordering your food and taking it to a table to sit down. You’d ordered your favorite food from the cafe, and she’d gotten a cup of soup with a half of a sandwich.

You chatted about anything and everything, and you smiled warmly throughout the entire conversation. Wanda had that effect on people. Even in group therapy, whenever she talked to anyone they ended up smiling.

You’d been to a quite a few meetings, getting to know everybody. The weather was still decently warm and the sun was still out, but it was clear that fall was approaching.

“Any plans for Halloween?” You asked after a few moments of silence where the two of you were eating.

“No, I don’t think so. I normally have a bunch of trick-or-treaters, so I’m probably going to end up decorating a lot this year.” She explains. “Normally my husband would’ve helped, but..” she shrugged, smiling up at you lightly. You envied Wanda in her ability to be so put together after losing a partner. Her husband, no less. Natasha meant the world to you, and maybe one day you would’ve gotten married, but there’s a whole lot of extra stuff to do when your spouse dies, isn’t there?

“I might invite the group over and we could do it together. I’d make or get dinner or something, and we’d get time to get to know each other outside of therapy. Maybe that’s not what I’m supposed to do, but they all seem like really nice people. What do you think?” She suggested.

“I think that’s a good idea.” You shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d be willing to help, if you want.”

She smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

#moving on #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff fic

[hermit-lover]

oooh okay! that's brilliant 'cause i had a request idea locked away n I love your writing n thought you would be perfect for it

if you are willing, my request is winged!grian preening winged!reader's wings n teaching them how to fly because they've never used their wings n always kept them hidden due to past experiences

you can change up the idea however you like of course

Teach me to fly

--------------------------------

Character: Grian x Winged!Reader

Type: Blurb (~1.8k)

Theme: Romantic, Hurt/comfort, healing

TW: Mentions of traumatic events, panic, exhaustion, insecurity, touch starved reader

A/N: Writing avian stuff is so much fun, and fluff with a side of angst? You are going straight for my heart. Couldn't fit flying in, but have cute preening content.

The sweater hangs uncomfortably, clinging to your limbs. Its cozy sure, but you wish it was gone. To feel the air on your skin. The bind across your chest tight, pinning the offending mounds of flesh down.

Your wings.

Rolling your shoulders, you continue to browse. What were you looking for? Right- fireworks. It was hard to focus nowadays, the soreness in your body and memories haunting. Pushing open the chest- you cringe as your ribs pull. A stack for one, and you start counting. Placing five in, you retrieve your goods, sending them into your inventory. A swoosh of air blows your hair out of place, fluttering the signs attached to the cart.

"Hey!" A voice chirps, over shooting before another swoosh lets them backtrack. A smile tugs on your lips, and you squint into the sky to try and spot the familiar blob. The flash of red approaches, landing on top of the cart. Red wings and blonde hair. Grian.

"Hi." You nod, "what's up?" You were always envious of the fact he felt safe enough to show his wings, and how perfectly the feathers fell. Brilliant mix of shining reds, stunning blues, and glowing green. Your own wings were tattered in comparison, black feathers rumpled from their misuse.

"Not much." He replies, tilts his head slightly, scanning your features. You try your best to look awake and upbeat, fighting against the fatigue. His eyes narrow and you can sense he's seen through your disguise. "How are you?" Grian places extra emphasis on you. You try not to flinch.

"Oh you know- I'm okay." You shrug, instantly regretting the motion. He hums. A small rush of air, and he lands down next to you. Clawed bird feet landing near silently.

"Just okay?" He asks, voice dropping. Pity. It was always pity.

"Yeah- I guess." Heat flushes your cheeks. He must think your stupid.

"Look at me." He requests suddenly, and you realize that you looked away. You obey. His eyes are soft, brows pulled together, and a small frown. It was the same face he made when he was worried. Wait...he was worried for you? No no no that's not right. A warm touch on your cheek makes you jolt back. "Sorry-" He apologizes, freezing. A hand was reaching for your cheek, sharp nails careful to not prick. He-he wanted to touch you. You had thought so much about him touching you. It was hard, you couldn't get to comfortable with physical contact- You slowly lean back. What was he planning? His palm is warm, soft and gentle. You try not to lean into the touch. "Im going to be honest." He starts, firm but calm.

"Okay." You whisper, aware of how hoarse your voice is. When did your throat close like this? Why were you so close to crying?

"I don't think you're okay." A brief flutter of panic clutches your heart. But...the look in Grian's eyes makes it quickly flee. Hot tears prickle in your eyes. He could read you so well. Somehow he picked up on your every little emotion time and time again. Despite you trying to hide. Lock them up so tight. He says nothing as you sob, ribs clenching and throbbing with the motion. You slowly recognize something within. The longing for touch. It was unusual for you, trying to hide your wings meant you had to refrain from any hugs, or fun handshakes, or casual leans, or cuddle piles, or sleepovers-

You lean into him, sagging into his arms and resting your head on his shoulder. He tenses briefly, then his hands move to cup your head, and rest on your back. You would protest- but you were too tired. It was a pointless battle. They would find out eventually and hate you. Its fine. May as well enjoy one hug. Tear flow freely as you cry, hands balling into the soft material of his sweater. It was everything you ever imagined. "I've got you." He whispers, hand resting on your back smoothing down- from the back of your neck, shoulders, and then freezing at the bottom of your shoulders. Where the base of your wings pressed awkwardly into your skin. He hates you. You didn't need to see his face to know that. Any second Grian would jerk away from you just like he did-

"You have wings."

...

It was...breathless, as if the realization punched the air from his lungs. Yet...it wasn't scornful. "You have wings!" He exclaims, leaning back to look at you, but still holding your waist close. What was he thinking? didn't he find you disgusting?

Delight lit up his features. Sparkling his eyes like when he's had a particularly good idea. Delight...he didn't hate you? "You didn't tell me!" He briefly frowns, but seems to excited to let it last. "Can I see them? Why do you have them all wrapped up? That has to hurt, is this the reason your upset?-" He starts fretting, moving away from you to try peek at the newfound limbs. You were stunned.

So he didn't hate you. Instead..he seems rather excited? There was no disgust or pity in the way he fluttered about, hands moving yet not touching out of respect. You say nothing, unable to formulate words to fully describe the situation. "We should go to my base!" He declares, "There you can show me them- its more private." He reaches for your hand like he would with any other hermit, then pauses. Remembering his manners. "That is...if you want?"

What did you want?

You wanted him to hug you again- that was given. You did want to get rid of the bandages, but the prospect of showing your wings was terrifying. But there was no hesitation from Grian, just acceptance and excitement. Maybe...maybe you could? He was an avian as well- even moreso then you. So maybe he would be okay? Plus- if you wanted anyone to know. You wanted Grian to know.

"I want to." The words sounded foreign on your tongue, as if you yourself were not speaking them. With it came a spark of excitement. Grian's grin couldn't be bigger, and he grabbed your hand. The contact made your head spin. The vague realization that he's touched you so much- and now that the cat is out of the bag- he'll touch you more.

He pulls you along, letting you walk in silence as your head spins with possibilities. What would he say about the colour of your wings? Black had always been frowned upon, its why others hated you so much. It was seen as an omen, bad luck, death. It was why you had stopped flying- although also because it brought an unfair advantage. You were just lucky they didn't cut off your wings.

"We're here." Grians voice makes you jump, "Sorry." he apologizes immediately. You shake your head in dismissal, gesturing for him to enter. Without missing a beat, he opens the door, nudges you in, and follows, closing the door. It was warm inside, you knew Grian had a weird thing with liking the warmth. Not that you minded, the calm, comforting atmosphere wrapped easily over your heavy mind. Easing some tension from your shoulders. Grian guides you to his bedroom, a place you've been only a couple times. Dropping in through the window to scare him, wandering in during a conversation. But now, it was...different. His soft grip leads up to sit on his bed. You sink into the many layers of blankets. The topmost one is fluffy and soft, you want to curl up on it and nap. Alas, you would get no such luck, as Grian stands in front of you expectantly. His clawed feet click against the wooden flooring as he turns to face you completely. You must have a look of your face, because Grian's eyes soften.

"You don't have to show me if you don't want-"

"I said I did." You snap back a little to quickly, cringing at your tone. "Sorry-" you take a deep breath, "I'm just nervous."

"Thats okay." He reaches forward slowly, giving you opportunity to pull away. When you don't, his careful palm rests on your cheek. Pulling heat to your face. "Turn around." He requests, and you obey. Tucking your legs up onto the bed, and shuffling around. Missing his hand when it leaves your cheek. "May I remove your sweater?" He asks, excitement clear in his tone, as he tries to stay calm for you. You nod, and shudder slightly as his fingers brush against your skin.

The garment is pulled up, and you help him by removing your arms. It's tugged over your head- and dropped into a heap on the floor. He sucks air through his teeth. A flash of guilt makes you cringe. He was disappointed. "...Why do you bind them?" He asks, sadness coating the tone. You can feel his claws brush against sensitive limbs and the wrapping pinning them down. Why do you bind them? Shame. Shame at their colour- what they stood for. The unfair advantage, and how he- the tightening in your chest reminded you bitterly of your last server. How poorly they handled your wings. You were disgusting.

"I hate them." You whisper, venom dripping from the words. "They make me disgusting."

"No." Grian says sharply. No? No?? "They make you beautiful- special." slowly, the pressure on your chest lessens, and you realize he's loosing the bandages. "They are something to be treasured, taken care of." you can feel your feathers settle as the binds leave. "You are so strong, and you deserve to be proud of them- you deserve to be proud of you."

"Grian." You shake your head, disbelief coursing through you veins. He was flattering you- he didn't really believe it-

"Spread your wings for me." He breathes, warm hand placed between where you wings meet on your back. Maybe it was an instinctual part of you to want to show off- maybe it was the way he said it- maybe it was the influence he had on you-

The limbs were painful and sore, shaking as you extended them. Yet, satisfaction burned. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the shiny black feathers. The silence hits you suddenly, and insecurity grows-

"You're gorgeous." Grian mutters, and heat flushes your cheeks. You want to tell him no- protest- but the sheer affection in his voice pushes the air from your lungs and coats your mind. You wanted to be doted upon- and here he was. Goosebumps prickle up your spine and across your arms as his fingers begin to deftly move. Sifting through the tattered feathers. You feel him remove one- a small sting of pain. When your wing's flutter he jerks back. "Sorry- I didn't ask-"

"What were you doing?" You interrupt, curious more then wanting him to stop touching you.

"I was preening you- its an avian thing where I remove all the broken feathers and clean the dirt out." He explains, no judgement in his tone. You hum, extending your wings to his mercy one again. He gets the idea- and the gentle movement returns.

It was mesmerizing. His gentle breathing, the darkness of the room, the soft sifting of feathers. His claws deft and smooth, removing some soreness and ache caused by your neglect. Shivers races up your spine, and relaxation grips your every limb. You find your head drooping- eyelids heavy. So much touch- it was wonderful.

"Sleepy?" Grian asks lightly, chuckling. You cant formulate a response, humming instead. He stops preening and you whine- he shushes you. "Lay down- lets nap." You can argue with that. Flopping forward you burry your face into that plush blanket. Grian's weight shifts the bed next to you, his wing brushes your own. Then, his arms pull you closer, nestling you against his side while his wings tangle in your own.

You've never cuddled anyone before- let alone slept next to them- and the warmth was almost too much. Exhaustion pulled down, and pleasant fuzziness encapsulates your being.

Grian didn't hate you. He loved your wings.

It would take a long time to get used to Grian knowing about your wings- and the physical contact that came with it.

But you were so excited.

#hermitcraft fic #hermitblr #hermitcraft #hc9 #hermitcraft x reader #hermitcraft fandom #hermitshipblr #hermitshipping #grian #grian tag #winged grian #grian x reader #atlas writes #hermitcraft fanfic

[avengersfantasies]

Truth or Dare (Bucky x Reader)

During a game of truth or dare, you are asked a question that sends you spiraling into a panic attack.

Author's note: The events described in this story are things that are very personal to me. Recently, I've been finding the memories of this day almost fifteen years ago coming back to haunt me, and so instead of crying myself to sleep, I decided to tell my story to my comfort character.

Please don't read if these things upset you: descriptions of panic attacks, sexual assault, and self harm.

This is my way of working through these traumatic events in my life.

Again, this is dark.

taglist: @pattiemac1 @justsebstan @winterslove1917 @crist1216 @lady-loki-barnes-djarin @kandis-mom @vonalyn @mavrellover91 @natashasilverfox @gojoismysensei @itsafamilyshow @casa-boiardi

It was a night you all had off – no missions to be done, so you and a select few of the Avengers decided that it would be a nice night to have some drinks and play some truth or dare. It started out as a fun game, but the more the drinks flowed, the more provocative the questions became…naturally. Next up, it was your turn.

            “Truth or dare?” Nat asked.

            It was the tenth time you’d gone, and you had a pattern by now. First you would say dare and then truth. This time, it was truth. “Truth.”

Nat thought for a second. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

It was that question…the question that had always sent you into a downward spiral. At hearing the word virginity, breathing became nearly impossible, your heart rate sped up, and your eyes widened. You thought you had gotten over this by now, but now you knew that the word still held its power over you. It still had the power to send you into a full-blown panic attack within seconds. The small group of people around you began to worry – asking if you were okay. Normally, you’d appreciate them showing concern for you, but at that moment, it was too much. Without a word, you got up from your spot on the floor and bolted to your room – closing and locking the door before letting your body fall to the ground. You had had enough of these by now to know how to put your head in between your knees and take as deep of breaths as possible.

            “Someone should go check on her,” Steve spoke up after a few tense and silent minutes.

            “I got it,” Bucky got up from his spot quietly and walked to your room.

He could hear you sobbing and panicking from the other side of the door, and while he had never been in this type of situation before, he knew the best thing to do was knock. “Hey,” he called out softly. “It’s me…you okay?”

“Y-Y-Yea-Yep” you unconvincingly stuttered through your heavy breaths. “F-Fine.”

Bucky let out a sigh. “Do…do you wanna talk about it?”

“Why does it matter?” you scoffed.

Bucky bit his lip and closed his eyes. “Because something’s hurting you, and you shouldn’t have to keep that all to yourself.”

His ears weren’t met with a response from you, but rather, the sound of the door unlocking and opening. “Come in.” Your voice was soft and quiet…the complete opposite of what he and everyone else was used to. He walked into the room slowly – following you and sitting next to you on the edge of your bed.

“I was fourteen,” you began silently. Bucky raised an eyebrow – confused as to what you were referring to. “The…you know…virginity thing.”

“Gotcha,” he nodded.

You looked over at him and found his eyes to be soft – his face showing great care and concern. You let out a sigh. You knew you needed to talk about it…it was something you had kept to yourself long enough. Whether or not you would embarrassingly break down in front of the soldier was to be seen, but you were pretty sure you would and then the entire relationship would be weird.

“I was fourteen,” you began – repeating what you had just said – more so for yourself than for him. Fourteen, you thought. At fourteen years old, you were just starting your first year of high school. It was supposed to be an unforgettable four years – a time of growing and learning who you were, but it ended up becoming unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. You didn’t remember high school for the fun parties and groups of friends you made, no. You remembered it as a time of trying to get rid of the memories that haunted your every waking second. The parties that others found fun, you used as a way to get free drugs and alcohol – hiding the dark secret you’d kept with you until this moment. “I had a boyfriend,” you continued. “He was eighteen, had a kid.” Your breath was shaky as you thought about the words you were planning on saying next. “He talked me into going on a quote unquote nature walk with him, and stupidly, I agreed…thought it would be something fun and romantic.” You scoffed at yourself. “He waited until we were deep into the woods, and he backed me up against a tree…took a knife out and told me that I was going to let him do what he wanted, or I’d regret it.” Your voice began shaking as you remembered the events from that afternoon. “He got me on the ground…I was too scared to even try to fight him off. I always thought that if I were in that type of situation, I’d be brave enough to fight back, but…I wasn’t. He got my clothes off…making sure not to rip them. At first, I wondered why he was even taking the time to make sure they stayed intact, but I realized that it would’ve looked bad if I had been coming out of the woods completely naked.” You squeezed your eyes shut – the memory of what happened next causing nausea to come over you. “He…forced my legs spread,” you continued softly – beginning to stare out into the space in front of you. “Forced his mouth on me…I yelled at myself the whole time to fight him off, but I never could bring myself to do it…and then when he got to taking his own pants off…it was too late anyway.” Your voice had gone flat – the effect of numbing yourself from the pain. “He tore me…using my screams cries of pain as something to egg him on. I tried not to give him that, but…it was instinctual…maybe if I scream loud enough for long enough, he’d get scared and run off or someone would hear me…Each thrust he did was harder than the last. My pain was his pleasure. I can still feel it now…the feeling of him ripping me open and turning an act that I had always seen as an act of love into something of hate. I can still feel his touch…feel him emptying himself inside me.” You bit the inside of your cheek and took a deep breath before continuing on – the super solider silently listening to every word. “I can still feel him dripping out of me,” you revealed in almost a whisper – barely loud enough for Bucky to hear.

            The room was quiet for a few seconds while Bucky gathered his thoughts – wanting to say the right thing in response to your confession. “Did you…report it?”

“No.” You scoffed.

“Why not?”

“Because,” you sighed, “when I was eight, I was touched by a neighbor of ours when he lured me into his house…a doctor that lived down the road…he had a large room with stuffed animals and things kids would like…when I told my parents about it, they beat me. So, why would I want to face that again?”

Bucky shook his head. “None of that was your fault.”

“I know that,” you retorted. “You heard of victim precipitation?” Bucky shook his head. “It’s a victimology theory that basically says the victim is somewhat responsible for what happens to them…not blaming the victim, but basically that the victim is a participant.” Bucky looked confused at the statement. “Basically, it’s like saying if you’re carrying around a large amount of money and showing it off, you’re more likely to be a victim of robbery…or in my case…if you follow someone into the woods, you’re putting yourself at risk of being a victim of an assault.”

Bucky nodded. “So like, if two people get into a fight and one dies, the victim participated in the events leading up to it.”

You nodded. “So, can’t really say it’s not my fault, can I?”

Bucky looked down. “Have you ever…talked to anyone about it? Done any sort of healing?”

“No,” you told him – lifting up your shirt and rolling up your sleeves to show him all of the scars on your body. The soldier furrowed his eyebrows with deep concern. “You’re the only one who knows,” you confessed quietly. His eyes scanned over all of the self-harm scars on your body…some being as recent as a week ago. “I thought that by scarring myself…making myself look unattractive or whatever that it’d help me feel better…keep someone else from wanting to touch me.”

He shook his head. “I’m not going to disrespect you by saying I understand…because I don’t,” he stated, “but…pain? I understand pain. I understand hating yourself. Now, I can sit here and tell you that you have no reason to hate yourself or that none of what happened was your fault, but I have no right to try to help you feel better by using clichés.” Bucky inhaled deeply before continuing. “But I will tell you that I am here if you ever need an ear.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #james bucky barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfiction #bucky x you #bucky x reader #why not use my trauma as entertainment?

[loveandmurders]

Hi! So I absolutely love and adore your sister AU fics for the Sinclair brothers and I’m just wondering if you’d ever do a similar thing with Brahms maybe? I’ve just had these thoughts about what if Brahms had a twin or younger sister who he loved because she was like his only true friend but then after what he did to Emily Cribbs, your parents had you sent away out of concern for your safety either before or after the fire. Maybe you have burn scars that aren’t as severe, or maybe you got away unscathed. But you somehow ended up coming back to the manor many years later (you’re on vacation, you get lost and/or your car breaks down, you get dared to enter the “haunted house” locals are wary of, idk) and at some point Brahms recognizes you and doesn’t want you to leave. He wants— no, he needs you to remember him. He lost you once, and he can’t let it happen again. Your parents and Greta are gone by this point, and he’s been so lonely. Of course weird ghost things happen that conveniently keep you confined to the house (The old doors get stuck and lock you in certain rooms, severe rainstorm/power goes out, idk) and other weird events make you think the place is haunted. Maybe you also have a porcelain doll in your likeness like he does and he tries to gift it to you without showing himself but it unnerves you. Maybe you find old pictures of yourself as a child but don’t recognize them as you until you read your name that’s written on the back. Just an idea, I know you probably have tons of requests to get through so no worries I just thought it could make for a very cool AU since your Sinclair AUs are so incredible and some of my favorite work 💜

Hello love and thank you for your kinds words and for this very cool idea!!!

I had a lot of fun writing for this (wrote two parts for it so far), so I hope you'll enjoy it as well &lt;3

THE PAST HAUNTS ME - PART I (sister!reader x Brahms Heelshire)

Warnings: no proof reading, angst, nightmare/mansion burning down on Brahms, amnesia, mentions of death in a car crash, mentions of killing and violence, mentions of small past injuries and blood.

You woke up, with a strangled scream stuck in your throat, covered in sweats and madly shivering. 

You had this nightmare again. 

It felt like you couldn’t escape it since you were a child. You didn’t remember much of your past, but you perfectly remembered that, as far as your memory was going, there was this nightmare haunting you. You dreamt of a little boy who was screaming your name while a big mansion was burning down. His voice was coming from the mansion and you wanted to run in to help him out, but two adults were holding you back. You were screaming so much, you thought you were going to break your vocal cords. You were absolutely terrified and panicked and concerned, tears freely cascading down your face. You seemed to know who this little boy was. You seemed to care very much about him as well. Sometimes, you even screamed his name when you were waking up from the nightmare. 

Brahms. 

You always opened your eyes when the mansion was collapsing down on him.

You talked a lot about this dream to your adoptive parents and to the doctors you consulted as a child. You had always wondered if those images were actually coming from your past. Because of a very traumatic event, you lost your memory of when you were younger than 9 years old. It was as if your story was starting when you got adopted by your foster family. Because of your amnesia, your parents went to see a lot of doctors and therapists to make sure that you were doing alright. However, at the same time, your new family never wanted to talk about it directly with you, and they always said it was just a nightmare and that you shouldn’t worry about it too much. 

They wanted to be certain you were in good physical and mental health, without having to talk about what they knew about you. They always said that they had no idea who your real parents could be, and you had always wanted to believe them because they were good to you. They treated you well, and they dearly loved you like their own daughter.

Despite your amnesia, you were happy to have a family and you hoped that everything was going to be alright. You grew up to turn into a young woman who was often questioning herself, but who was also afraid of what could await for her if she ever found out the answers to her questions.

When your adoptive parents died in a car crash, you thought you were going to lose it. You never cried that much in your whole existence, and felt so alone. You had no idea what to do at first. You weren’t sure to be ready to carry such a burden on your shoulders and on your own.

And yet, you decided to be strong and you focused on taking care of their funeral and then of their belongings that were now yours. They had a lot of kids but you were the only one they adopted, which was a little bit strange to you. But you didn’t really think about it: you were broken. You lost your second family as well. You felt like you were cursed; it was the only explanation on why everything and everyone was always leaving you. This idea was haunting you as much as the nightmare now; you needed to stay busy to forget about it.

As you were going through their documents, you found a very odd contract. They seemed to receive a lot of money every month in exchange for adopting you and making sure you would never remember what happened. There was an address on the contract and names. Mrs and Mr Heelshire. At first, you didn’t believe this was true. So you checked their bank account, but you realised that they indeed received the money every month from the Heelshires. It would explain why your adoptive parents never wanted to talk about your past; however it didn’t explain why everyone wanted you to stay in the dark. It made you feel sick and you left the contract on a table, while you left the room, trying to digest this crazy news before doing anything about it.

And now that you woke up from your nightmare, all you could think about was finding this burnt mansion. It had to be a memory. Or at least, a part of it even if your mind might have twisted it. It had to be the traumatic event that made you forget about everything.

You needed to know the truth about who you were… About who was Brahms too because he seemed important to you. Now that you lost your adoptive family, you had the even stronger urge to find out your past. You felt ready too. You were an adult, you could handle whatever you were going to find in this mansion. You just hoped you would be able to find it and that it didn’t fully burn.

Even though it was still the middle of the night, you dressed up, took some food with you and clothes, and left. You couldn’t stand to stay around now your parents were dead, so this little adventure was more than welcomed. You started to think about the contract while you were driving. You could only assume that the Heelshires were your biological parents (otherwise, why would they know you and why would they pay for people to care for you?). You couldn’t understand why your real family would have wanted you away from them though and why they would have paid for it. Was it because you did something? Was it because of the little boy who was screaming your name in the fire? Was it because he died?

You realised how far away from where you were the address was, but it was alright. Everything was going to be alright. After a little while, you actually found yourself relaxing and your mind was quietening down.

You made some little stops on the road, sleeping in cheap motels before resuming your journey. But at some point, you finally arrived in front of the big mansion. It seemed empty and you were disappointed. It was in the middle of nowhere too, but it was so beautiful. It was the same one as in your nightmare; except that it wasn’t burning down. You thought the place had to be rebuilt after the fire, because it didn’t seem damaged at all. You wondered if the Heelshires still lived there or if they sometimes came back. You were looking at it from your car, in the middle of the road. 

A car, on the other way, came by and stopped next to you. The man lowered down his window.

“Got lost?” he asked, he seemed quite friendly. You shook your head.

“I was looking for this house. Do you know if anyone still lives here?” you asked

“No one since a while… You aren’t from here, are you?” he asked

“No indeed. Why?”

“Well there are a lot of stories about this place. Last time someone was in there, she said a man who was living in the walls tried to kill her. Cops never found anyone but there was blood and dead bodies in the entrance. The owners killed themselves too” he explained “If I was you I wouldn’t stay around or try to get inside. Some teens disappeared after some stupid dares. And even if cops can’t find shit…” he explained to you and you were positively horrified

“Thank you” you smiled “You seemed to be used of strangers wanting to get in there?” you asked, out of curiosity. He shrugged.

“Can’t explain it, but this mansion is fascinating. Can’t blame people for wanting to explore it to be honest… But it’s not safe. I don’t know how you heard about this place, but trust me, there is nothing for you in there.” he answered and plunged his eyes inside of yours. 

You thanked him again and faked leaving. You waited for the man to disappear before parking nearby the house. Even if his stories made you shiver in fear, you still needed to get inside the mansion. You didn’t know if the owners were the Heelshires or not, but you hoped they weren’t. You had so many questions to ask them. You couldn’t have done all this road for nothing. And you couldn’t be so close to knowing more about yourself and turning back now. You had to have a quick look around the mansion. You weren’t going to touch anything, you were just trying to remember. And then you were going to leave before the crazy killer ghost attacked you. It seemed like a fair plan to you. You took a little knife pocket with you, just in case though.

You discreetly found a way in the property and quickly climbed the stairs towards the entrance. You knocked at the door, just to make sure no one was home. You waited a little while before trying to open it. It was unlocked and you thanked your luck before getting inside.

“Hello?” you called out and your voice resonated in the emptiness of the place. You shivered before sneezing at all the dust flying around. It really looked like the place was deserted. “I don’t know if someone’s here, but I’m not here to rob or do anything bad… I’m just looking for my past. If it’s okay with you, I’ll have a look around and then I’ll go. So please, don’t hurt me” you said. You really thought you were insane, but maybe it would keep the killer away from you. And being polite, even to ghosts (especially to ghosts?), never hurt anyone. You could at least believe it.

You waited a little longer, trying to hear anything, before starting to have a look around when only silence answered your call.

Brahms also woke up from a nightmare the morning you arrived at the mansion. It was always the same as well: his parents were sending you away because he killed a little girl of his age, and full of rage he burnt the mansion down while screaming your name because he couldn’t stand the idea of being apart from you. You were the only thing he ever loved, and your parents were worried he would corrupt the light your eyes always used to hold. He couldn’t explain to them that he would never hurt you in any way. You were his twin sister, you were his best friend, you were his sun. And he could only burn the whole world down if you weren’t there to appease his violence.

It was what actually happened.

And he woke up with the same sadness and anger burning him even worse than the fire did. The physical pain he felt and that his skin still remembered sometimes, was nothing compared to the pain of knowing he had lost you. He missed his baby twin sister so badly. You were what he loved the most in his life. When you were both children, he couldn't stand to be away from you, even though you were of a more independent nature. He killed Emily Crabs because she liked to say things about you. She was saying you were ugly and stupid, and that Brahms deserved a better sister. She was just fooling around, trying to annoy the boy. She couldn't know his love for his sister was so strong, and that he was ready to destroy everything and everyone for her. He killed Emily and your parents understood what happened when they found him covered in blood. They found the body too after they made Brahms talk. They did their best for you to never know about this, and Brahms was eager to keep it a secret from you too. But he hadn’t thought they would decide to keep you away to protect you from him; he was your big brother, he was the one supposed to protect you. Your parents discovered how obsessive he seemed to be and they couldn’t let you be his obsession. 

They hadn’t thought he would go that insane once you would be away. And you hadn’t understood what was happening. You fainted from the panic when you saw the mansion burning down. After that, everything went dark and your parents were grateful for that. It was better that way, so you wouldn’t try to come back home.

Brahms was certain he lost you because you never came back. Since you were forced to leave his life, he could only sleep with a little porcelain doll looking like you when you were a child. Your parents always used this doll as leverage to make him obey when he was being uncontrollable once again. As he grew up and became strong, they worried it would stop working, but it was the only thing that kept him a little bit sane. And even when your parents were still alive, the doll was the only thing he talked to. He was whispering sweet little things to it, because he couldn’t do it with you anymore. He didn’t care about Greta, he just wished he would have killed her like he did with the other “nannies”. And now his parents were gone, he was left alone with his thoughts. He hated it. He hoped some stupid people would come inside the mansion, so he could lurk around before slaughtering them. It was the only thing that was making him almost happy. It was the only thing that made him forget about you, even just a few hours.

He instantly heard your voice echoing around and he quickly got up. He didn’t know who it was, but he knew he was going to play around. He was glad the devil heard his prayers. He didn’t understand what you meant about “your past” though. He wasn’t caring too much; he was just excited to have a new toy around.

He found you and he started to watch you from a hole inside the walls. He thought you were pretty and he appreciated how you truly didn’t touch anything, even if it wasn’t going to change much of your fate… He might give you a quick death if you kept being good. 

He watched you stopping in front of the family pictures laying around in the living room, and tilted his head to the side as you seemed to frown and to internally question yourself. As you leaned closer to the picture, your cardigan fell from one of your shoulders. There was a scar on it, that you did by falling off a tree as you were playing with your brother. You had fallen on a stone that cut deep into your skin. Brahms perfectly remembered how worried he had felt when it seemed like you weren’t going to stop bleeding. After this, Brahms had always kept you under his watch and more importantly he had kissed your injured skin every night before tugging you to bed. So when he saw it, he recognised it right away. He also started to recognise the way you were putting a piece of loose strand of hair behind your ear, and how you were nibbling on your lips in thoughts, and when you turned around, he clearly saw your eyes and your face. He was certain it was you. He wondered if it was all a dream. He wouldn’t survive if he realised it wasn’t reality. He needed you to be real so badly.

He understood why you were here; you were looking for your family. For him. He was so excited. You were back home. You were finally back where you should be.

And he would never let you go ever again.

PART II

#the boy x reader #the boy x y/n #the boy x you #the boy x sister #brahms heelshire x reader #brahms heelshire x you #brahms heelshire x y/n #brahms heelshire x sister #brahms the boy #slasher x you #slasher x reader #slasher x y/n #slasher x sister #the boy 2016

[lazypeachsoul]

Like I've known you forever.

Summary: Sometimes traumatic events make you realise how deeply you love someone or a collection of moments and memories of love after the birdstrike.

Pairing: Robert 'Bob' Floyd x F!Reader

Word Count: 3k.

Rating: No warnings per se but the events are a bit sad because it's after the birdstrike, hospitals, mentions of painkillers, ilnesses.

A/N: Normal is current events, Italics are memories. Inspired by one of my favourite movies and I thought the quote fit Bob so well. As always, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes. And enjoy.

Days off were a sort of myth for your little two person —one cat— household. The sort of myth you grew weary of fully enjoying because at any moment a call could end your boyfriend’s off time. But you enjoyed nonetheless because any minute you got together you cherished. But this time it was different. This time the house felt tense and cold, nothing to do with the bright and home-y feeling of mornings spent watching a show and laughing together. This time you were trying to fold for the third time the couch blanket while keeping your ears open for any sounds coming from the bedroom.

He was okay —that’s what he had said—, just needed to sleep off the tension —also his words— and spend some time with you —brown noser—. According to the doctors he had a bruised rib and you should look out for possible neck or back pain caused by falling a few thousand feet at high speed. Look out for that while being grateful that it was only pain and not a spinal break. Damn it, there go the tears again. Walking towards the living-room window, unfolded blanket still in your hand, you realised how late it had gotten. The day was winding down to and end in a mix of oranges and yellows while you wrung out the fabric between your hands.

Your mind couldn’t stop replaying the events of the last 48 hours.

Your mind couldn’t stop replaying the events of the last 48 hours.

You were in the middle of what your boss had warned you was a very important meeting for the company, a potential new big shot client. Robert knew and had wished you the best of luck before he left for work looking like a dream in his ironed uniform and his recently gelled hair. So when your phone started vibrating against your desk you frowned, knowing very few calls would have gone through in Do Not Disturb mode. In fact, it could only be one of four people: Robert, his mom, your mom or Maverick.

Fully ready to see Bob’s contact picture you almost had to do a double check when you saw it was actually Maverick calling.The voice of your boss speaking through the laptop became nothing but background noise while you tried to reason why Maverick would be calling you. Your gut told you to answer quickly and it spoke so loud you pressed the green button before you could properly excuse yourself from the meeting. And soon it became apparent you weren’t the only one feeling the urgency.

“Maverick?” Was the only word you could muster, your overthinking brain always negative.

“Hey, I’m sorry to call you.” Oh well, that wasn’t a good start to the conversation. “Bob and Phoenix had some difficulties during today’s training-”

“Difficulties? That sounds-” “Worse than it really is, don’t worry. They are being rescued as we speak-”

“Rescued!?” You asked raising your voice, probably an effect of the fear and that run through your veins. If the word difficulties made your heart skip a beat the word rescued restarted it completely. You could feel the adrenaline starting to flow through your veins, suddenly feeling cold and warm at the same time.

“Sorry, it’s technical talk I didn’t want to scare you. I know how hard a call like this is.” Did he? But even if he didn’t a part of your mind thanked the excuse. “The team said they looked in okay shape and are being brought to the base hospital for a check up. I wanted to call you before you received a call from the hospital, thought it would be less intimidating.” Had you been in your right mind you would have almost laughed at his sheepish voice. “Although I don’t seem to be doing it very well.”

A ping sounded through the speakers of the laptop and a chat notification from the video call system appeared. A private message from your boss. Everything okay? You look pale from that call. You knew there was more than worry written in the message, probably a reprimand about taking private calls during a meeting. But your mind at the moment only seemed to care about how injured you needed to be to be considered in ‘okay shape’. Okay?

“Are you still there? I know the news are unexpected-”

“Yeah, I’m still here.” At least you thought you were, even if you couldn’t stop picturing horrible scenarios involving a jet plane, your boyfriend and your best friend. “I should go to the hospital right?”

You probably sounded like a horrible girlfriend, the worst. But nobody ever takes the time to explain the protocol for technical difficulties resulting in the need of a rescue and hospital checkup.

“Are you okay to drive? You sound shocked. Don’t want you distracted on the wheel.”

You looked at the message from your boss and managed to type a few words: Bob was in accident. Grammar be damned. And as soon as you sent the message all the adrenaline that up until this point had been building in your body exploded. The laptop slammed shut while you muttered “See you there” to Maverick on the phone, picking up what your amped up brain considered essentials before you run to the car.

A movement outside the window snapped you from your painful memories, a bird flying to find refuge before the day became night. Birds. At one point when you were a child you wanted to be like them, flying looked to be the most freeing experience. And when you met Bob you realised that maybe your interest in flying was a happy coincidence. One of life’s funny foreshadowing moments. Birdstrike, that’s what the ha told you.

“How can something as small as a bird win against millions of dollars of military technology?” You mumbled against Bob’s neck almost without realising. The question had been in your head since Maverick tried to explain to you the situation in the waiting room.

Bob couldn’t help but let out a wheezy laugh, wanting to groan at the pain in his chest but fighting against it fearing you might remove yourself from his arms. “Isn’t it incredible? Best pilots in the US navy and a pidgeon knocked us out.” You lifted your head and looked at him with a raised brow. “Okay, maybe not incredible. Bad wording. It’s surprising.” He rectified with a small smile.

Silence, or as much silence as possible in a hospital full with beeping machines, surrounded you when you kissed his temple before pressing your forehead against it. The adrenaline rush fizzled into tiredness, but every time you closed your eyes horrible images conjured by your imagination plagued you. “I love you.” You heard him muster and you smiled. “Thank you for being here.”

It broke your heart to think how he might be feeling. You were suffering the effects of not knowing, but he probably was feeling the effects of knowing exactly what could’ve happened and didn’t. “Nowhere else I would rather be, bub.” You muttered close to his ear, not wanting to disturbe the atmosphere created in the room. “Well, maybe home without the scare. But always with you.”

“Something interesting going on with the neighbours?” Spoke behind you the same voice you had been daydreaming about, making you jump in your place.

“What are you doing out of bed? You are supposed to be on complete bed rest!” You turned to walk his way. But he quickly stopped you with a raised hand and a bright smile.

While he walked towards the window you took your time to check him out to see potential damage -what would spine damage look like? The doctor didn’t explain that part-. But you could only see his unruly hair, blonde curl falling against his forehead, and his crooked glasses. His cheeks were rosy, more than likely result of the painkillers and the deep sleep, and his eyes had recuperated the shine they lacked after a night in hospital. His wrinkly pijamas only adding to his relaxed image. Definitely not the image of someone who had fallen out of a plane at 50 feet per second 48 hours earlier. Once he was within reach he took the blanket from your hands and draped it over your shoulders before pulling you close to him with it.

“Okay mother hen.” He spoke softly, almost as if scared that any sound louder would spook you. “I think it’s more dangerous if I lie all day, blood clots from lack of movement are a real risk.” Damn, should you be looking out for that too? The doctor hadn’t said anything. Almost as if he could read your thoughts he pressed his lips to your forehead. “Stop. I’m okay.”

You wanted to say that he wasn’t. Wanted to recite the statistics for the results of jet plane ejections you had googled while in the waiting room. To repeat the diagnosis the doctor had made. But that wouldn’t have been good for either of you. You raised on your tip toes, pressing a chaste kiss against his lips that meant only three things: sorry, I love you and I’m still taking care of you.

“I am probably overbearing. I’m sure you would prefer to be in that hospital room again.” You joked, a probably too morbid joke that he seemed to get thankfully.

“Ah yes, nothing like the smell of disinfectant and sickness to feel better. Definitely, tender love and care from my favourite girl doesn’t even come close.”

His favourite girl, how you loved to hear him say it.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Maybe the disinfectant in the air could clean your system of the icky feeling the wait had left you in. You looked at the plaque on the door and triple checked this was the right room. It was. You also justified the minutes you had already spent in front of the door without moving because you could hear voices inside the room talking. Deep breath in and you raised your hand to knock and the door opened quickly, knocking the air out of your lungs.

“Oh, Lieutenant. It looks like you have your first visitor.” The man in scrubs and a white coat exclaimed with too much enthusiasm for a hospital. “Please come in, I’m already done. I’m guessing you are his next of kin?”

You nodded while walking inside, not daring to look up yet.

“She’s my favourite girl, doctor.” Bob’s voice spoke up, but that wasn’t a very Bob-like phrase. Always prefering privacy over ostentatious declarations.

You looked up then, deep breaths be damned, and you realised nothing could have prepared you to see the man you loved so deeply laying in a hospital bed and hooked to different machines. Now you understood what Maverick meant with ‘okay shape’. Bob looked okay except for a few scratches and an ugly bruise in his cheekbone, but not even his loopy smile could make you stop worrying.

“Hi baby.” He said his a slight slurred voice that made your heart clench. He tried to raise his arm to wave you but dropped it a groan.

“Nice to meet you, I’m doctor Stevens.” You gave him your name with a tense smile, not wanting to remove your eyes from your boyfriend face for too long, as if he might disappear. “All his tests came back okay, only a bruised rib. But they probably already told you that.” You nodded, they had informed you while you were waiting. “He’s under the effects of the painkillers, so don’t worry if he’s a bit out of it.”

The doctor probably wanted to speak more to you, talk about tests and x-rays. But nothing in that moment meant to you more than the man laying in the bed with a smile too big to be natural. Sensing the disconnect, the doctor quickly said his goodbyes and moved towards the door. Walking towards the bed you couldn’t help to ask.

“Doctor, is Phoenix okay?” Seeing Bob had relaxed your nerves a little, but the same worry kept circling your head. And you knew even under the haze of the painkillers Bob would want to know too.

“Lieutenant Trace appears to be in as good shape as one could be in this situation. They were both incredibly lucky.”

Lucky. Your lucky best friend. Your lucky boy.

“What was so interesting? You spent quite some time looking out the window.” He repeated his first question and you turned in his arms to look out the window again. Pressing your back against his chest -carefully because of the injury- you sighed contentedly when his arms wrapped around you.

“Nothing. It’s peaceful out there at this time.” You murmur and he hums against the hair at the back of your head. “Looking at the birds.”

He tensed a little and a sigh brushed against your head. You knew it was probably soon, or maybe not an appropriate time but you also couldn’t find it in you to lie. “You always loved the birds.”

And it was the tone in which he said those words, as if instead of knowing eachother for a three years he had known you for your entire lifetime. The tone that said I wasn’t there but I knew you even when I didn’t. That’s what made the sting of tears appear. Because you felt exactly the same about him. And you knew he wanted to spare you of any pain and that he wasn’t able to protect you from the fear hurt him too. Sweet Robert, raised to put the ones he love before himself.

“I love you.” You spoke after a minute of trying to reorganise your thoughts. “I love you so much it hurts sometimes.” You could hear him huff behind you and you knew he was about to interrupt you. So you turned quickly and pressed your hand against his mouth to shush him preemptively. “Let me speak. Sometimes it hurts because I simply cannot process all the feelings and I can only hope that you understand one third of the feelings I have for you. Because I’m unbelievably lucky that I found you. While also sad that I haven’t known you for longer because I wish I could have been therefor every story you tell me, good or bad.”

By that point the knot in your throat was too big to keep talking, but just by looking at Bob’s eyes you knew he knew. And the shine in his eyes told you he was feeling something big too. You raised your hand to straighten his still crooked glasses and he grabbed your wrist, placing the inside of it against his lips to press a soft kiss.

“I don't believe in luck.” He spoke, tickling the skin of your wrist with the movement of his chapped lips. “I do believe we've known each other since forever, though.”

“Really?” You whispered while moving your hand to rest against his warm cheek.

“Yeah. You know how?” You shook your head no, enjoying the softness in his voice that paired so well with the now purple and blue tones coming from the window. “When the big bang happened, all the atoms in the universe, they were all smashed together into one little dot that exploded outward. So my atoms and your atoms were certainly together then, and, who knows, probably smashed together several times in the last 13.7 billion years. So my atoms have known your atoms and they've always known your atoms. My atoms have always loved your atoms.”

And if the Robert lying on the hospital bed pumped full of drugs wasn’t your Robert, this was exactly him. Scientific and precise, and loving and just a perfect amount of nerdy that made your stomach fill with butterflies. The Robert that could make talking about atoms the most romantic thing ever said in history. Your Robert, forever.

“Do I know you?” You asked the blonde man standing to your right at the crowded bar.

You were feeling a bit out of your comfort zone surrounded by so many people in the bar,, that’s why you had offered yourself to get the drinks not thinking this side would be even more crowded. But, somehow, in the middle of the chaos you had found yourself next to a blonde man who seemed as uncomfortable as you. While waiting for your drinks you couldn’t help but glance at him from time to time, your gut telling yo there was something familiar about him.

He looked at you surprised and opened and closed his mouth several times before clearing his throat. “I-I don’t think so.” The man answered before he seemed to rethinking his answer. “I wouldn’t forget a face so beautiful.”

And you appreciated the sentiment but it almost sounded weird out of his mouth. But he himself cringed at his bad pick up line so you knew your reaction wasn’t alone. With a chuckle you introduced yourself and he reciprocated with a bashful smile.

“Well Robert, I am so glad now I know you.” “I’m sure I won’t forget you now, pick up lines aside.”

#robert floyd fic #robert bob floyd #robert floyd #Robert Floyd x reader #Robert Bob Floyd x reader #top gun maverick imagine #top gun maverick fic #bob floyd x reader #Bob Floyd imagine #Robert Floyd imagine #Robert Bob Floyd imagine #bob floyd fluff

[honey-beann]

Bro please can I get “I broke the lock. You were screaming” with nines and our little detective? I don’t really have much of an idea for a story… maybe a case gone wrong and nines insists on staying with her because she’s clearly shaken?!? Idk I love your writing it’s def one of the things I look forward to on my feed <3

Okay SO first things first thank you, Anon, for your super kind words!! You are the sweetest <3

Secondly, I took the liberty of assuming based on the descriptor of "our little detective" that you're talking about the reader from Ruiner, Ruination, so I wrote this fic within that universe (which i hope is alright).

This idea led me to the creation of an offshoot series stemming from Ruiner, Ruination, which I have titled Ruiner, Ruination - Indictus. The point of this series is to highlight little canonical moments that have occurred between Nines and the Reader that went unsaid in the main series (hence the name Indictus, meaning "unsaid").

The creation of this series is super exciting for me because it allows me to write out requests in the Ruiner, Ruination universe AND make them canon without it being too confusing or weird to map out, since I can simply say where each fic takes place in the timeline as things are planned out and published in the original fic.

Anyways, sorry for the rant on the new series, but I hope you enjoy this fic and any upcoming Ruiner, Ruination - Indictus pieces that follow!

Avoidance Tactics (rk900 x reader)

A Ruiner, Ruination - Indictus chapter

Timeline - This fic has a lot to do with the events of the 7th Ruiner, Ruination chapter and takes place after the (currently unpublished, oops) 8th chapter.

Nightmares/sleeping dialogue prompt #2 - "I broke the lock. You were screaming"

Word Count: 3,586

"Could you hover a little bit less ominously? You're really creeping me out."

You muttered under your breath as you passed a wandering gaze over the incident report you had spent the past few hours filling out. Once you were done, you would finally be finished with the process of submitting Nines' work related injury to the DPD's HR department, which you were eager to be done with for good.

It had been two days since your partner's accident, and you had spent nearly every waking hour since avoiding the subject as much as possible by working yourself to the bone.

The unfortunate downside of this was that just 48 hours later there was nothing left for you to do but file away the very incident report you'd been avoiding, and honestly, that had been just as awful as you'd feared it would be.

It required you to go into immense detail pertaining to not only Nines' injuries, but also his reactions to them, the lethality of them, and the traumatic responses that may have occurred as a result of them.

Gavin had filled out his end of the form on the day of the injury back at the DPD with you, and now it was your turn to fill out the individual portion.

And to an extent you hadn't truly expected, the memories were haunting.

Your hands had shaken vigorously above the keyboard as you'd typed out the amount of blue blood that you had gotten on yourself in the process of stopping the bleeding,

the stickiness that lingered between your fingers for hours afterward,

the way it had remained spattered on your clothing even when you could no longer see it,

the scent of it and the way it had stuck to you until multiple showers later.

You had bit back tears when recalling the staticky quality to Nines' voice as his vocal modulator had struggled without the support of his circulatory regulator,

the slightly glazed quality of his eyes,

the way he had groaned in pain as they loaded him into the android care ambulance,

and the trail of blood he had left behind in the process.

It had all been so awful.

And the extent of his injuries had been no small issue either.

Without his stock circulatory bio-component, Nines' thirium pump regulator, and therefore his thirium pump as well, had been put under unnecessary strain for days now, unnecessary strain that would doubtlessly cause a machine like him to falter and shut down sooner than he ever would have otherwise.

And somehow, it was this fact that terrified you the most.

Sure, you had always known that Nines would outlive you,

that fact had never once bothered you,

but the idea that his likely absurdly long life would be cut short, even slightly, by this accident?

It unsettled you that such a thing was even possible.

Years off of the life of a thing that some didn't even view as living at all.

The humanity of it all struck you in the very worst way,

But fortunately you wouldn't really have to dwell on that for long.

"I am not hovering, Detective."

Nines replied coolly from where he stood beside the entryway of his dining room, where you had been sitting for hours as you worked tirelessly to write up your incident report.

"I am simply analyzing you to discern whether or not you are still capable of writing your report in a manner that will meet the Captain's standards."

You rolled your eyes,

"Well that really doesn't matter now, because I just submitted it."

Nines gave a low hum in response, but neglected to say anything more.

You were right though, he had most definitely been hovering, and for quite some time, at that.

He had started making his way throughout the apartment around the time you'd started your write up, and had been careful to ensure that he never stuck around you for too long as he performed his scans, which allowed him to discern whether or not your actions were causing you any emotional strain.

And every time that he had scanned you, the results always came back the same: judging by the amount of cortisol present in your bloodstream, the report was almost assuredly bringing back traumas you were not yet ready to unpack.

And yet, try as he might to think of something he could do, Nines had yet to come up with a single solution.

He was resigned to let you finish, and then, maybe, he might just get you to talk about what was bothering you.

Except now, as you looked over at him for the first time in hours, he could see how exhausted you were, and pushed the thought out of his mind.

It was time to get you to bed.

"Would you like to stay the night, Detective? The spare tooth brush you utilized the other evening is still in the bathroom, and I believe you packed an extra work outfit in your trunk after last time."

You glanced towards your partner quizzically, raising a brow as you closed your laptop,

"Seriously? I thought for sure you'd want me out of your hair by now."

Nines shrugged a bit at your statement before he moved to plug your computer in on the counter where the cord was located, just out of your reach.

"I have no qualms with you sleeping here if it would be easier. It is not as if I require the use of my bed for any particular purpose."

You gave a small laugh at that, but Nines was quick to note that it didn't reach your eyes, despite the distinctive lack of sarcasm found within it.

Your mannerisms were certainly concerning, but he tried not to over analyze for the time being.

You spoke up,

"Yeah, I guess not huh? In that case, if it doesn't bother you I think I might as well just stay over again. It'll give me a little extra sleep, which I could really use right now."

Nines gave a brief nod in response before heading into his bedroom at the end of the hall,

"Alright, in that case I should find you something to wear to sleep for the night. Any preferences?"

Your cheeks were dusted a slight pink as you spoke, and Nines noticed a sudden increase in your body temperature as well, but even so he chose to ignore it in favor of paying more attention to your response instead,

"Uh, I didn't mind the shirt you gave me the other night? If its clean?"

Nines hummed and retreated to the bedroom without another word, leaving you to make your way to the bathroom to get yourself ready.

You sighed as you stared at your face in the mirror, taking note of your haggard and saddened appearance.

God, that report had taken a lot out of you.

Forcing yourself to give a brief smile, you squeezed some tooth paste out onto your tooth brush before beginning the familiar motions that went along with brushing your teeth as you waited for Nines to return.

To your surprise though, by the time you were finished, your partner still had yet to come back from his detour at the end of the hall, so curiously, you opened the bathroom door, only to shriek in surprise when you saw that Nines was standing on the other side, that familiar shirt of his that you had worn the other night in hand.

You placed your palm against your chest as you took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, shooting your partner a wordless glare as you did so.

"My apologies, Detective, I didn't mean to scare you."

You groaned and rolled your eyes before ultimately choosing to forgive the man in front of you, offering a gentle thanks as you took the shirt from him and re-entered the bathroom, closing the door behind you once more.

You took another deep breath as you looked back into the mirror, the scent of Nines' shirt wafting into your nose as you did so. You were a bit surprised to find that this was oddly soothing, and elected to ignore the comfort that warmed you as a result of it.

Afterward, you told yourself that you just happened to require a rather deep inhale at the very same moment that you were pulling the white undershirt over your head.

You glanced over at yourself in the mirror, legs bare and hair mussed from changing your shirt, and let out a soft sigh as you ran the pad of your pointer finger over the dark circles beneath your eyes.

It was definitely time for bed.

So, with that idea in mind, you placed your hand on the cold doorknob, letting it absorb some of the heat from your palm for a while as you basked in all of the external stimuli that surrounded you, grateful for the proof that the world around you was real at all.

And then, quietly, as if afraid you might be frightened once again, you pulled the bathroom door open, allowing yourself the time to glance up and down either end of the hall before making your way over to the door found at the very end of it, which remained cracked as an invitation for you to enter.

Nines looked up at you in greeting as you pulled the door open further, closing the door to his closet before he made his way over to the bed you were now working to climb on top of, his foot steps quiet and lithe behind you before they halted at the foot of his queen sized bed, which was fitted with the same huge black comforter as last time.

You glanced up at him as you laid your back against the soft pillows found at the head of the bed, struggling to make eye contact as you tried not to think too hard about the comfort his scent had offered you previously.

God, what a weird thing to think about your partner. Maybe you should buy him a cologne so he smelled different or something.

You shook off your thought as Nines brushed imaginary lint from the blanket you were now comfortably laying beneath as he finally spoke,

"Is there anything else you need, Detective?"

He watched you intently as you shook your head, and gave you a few moments afterward to change your mind before he finally started turning around to head back out the door.

"In that case, I'll just be out in the living area. I will remain in light stasis so you won't have to worry about me being hard to wake up if you find that there is something you require my assistance for. I will also be locking the door, as my research has supported that this will help you feel safer. Is that all agreeable with you, Detective?"

You were a bit taken aback by the sudden influx of information, but nodded nonetheless after allowing yourself a few seconds to comprehend what was being said to you,

"Oh uh sure, yeah, that's fine, whatever you want."

Nines gave a slight nod in response before clicking the lock in place, taking a step over to the other side of the door frame before he turned back to look you over once more, his eyes traversing your frame slowly as he did so,

"Sleep well, Little Mouse. I will see you in the morning."

And with that, he was closing the door behind him before you could say a word, leaving you with nothing left to do but drift off to sleep.

And drift off to sleep you did, though it was far from the peaceful slumber you had anticipated.

You fought back a cry of pure anguish as you watched the android, the same AV500 model from the abandoned car factory, shoot Nines for the fifth time that night, this time right between his eyes.

Your partner fell back soundlessly, his body hitting the ground with enough force to make the floor shake as he stared up at you with those unseeing gray-blue eyes of his.

They were so haunting like this, when you could tell they were observing nothing despite their unnatural openness, and you forced yourself to reach over the close them in spite of the blue blood that coated your fingers as you did so.

It was sticky and warm, just as it had been every other time he'd been shot within this hellish nightmare, and you had to stop yourself from vomiting as everything started all over again.

Here you were, for the sixth time, standing in that same room with that same murderous android, and once again, there was nothing you could do to stop him from killing your partner.

You couldn't plead for mercy, tackle the man to the ground, or even shoot him with the gun Nines had provided you with. You had no choice but to simply stand there and watch as he gunned down your partner, your friend again and again.

It was torturous.

And this time, as he shot Nines right in his thirium pump, and you saw that pained and confused look on his face for the sixth time that evening, you couldn't help yourself.

You screamed.

You screamed out of fear, out of frustration, and above all else, out of grief.

Here in this nightmare, you couldn't even tell what was real anymore, and with each passing murder, you could swear that Nines had really died back at that factory, and that this reality, where you simply had to watch and suffer wordlessly, was the real one.

You screamed for so long your throat hurt even within your own dream, raw and painful as you prayed internally for this torture to end, eyes squeezed shut and brimming with tears as you heard distant gunshot after distant gunshot go off before hitting thick plastic over and over again.

You would never be able to forget that sound.

But then, even more distantly than those gunshots, came the sound of Nines' voice, far off and calling out to you as if he were searching aimlessly while alone in the dark.

And without a second thought, you called back.

You awoke gasping for air, throat aching tremendously, and eyes stinging both from your tears and from the much too bright light coming from the lamp to the left of you.

But none of that was nearly as noticeable as the android who was hovering above your form as you laid on your back, his arms poised on either side of your head as he looked down at you with an almost fearful look on his face.

"What the- Nines?"

You croaked out in confusion, glancing over at the previously locked bedroom door as you attempted to make sense about what was going on.

“I broke the lock. You were screaming”

Nines all but panted out, eyes still a bit wild as he slowly began to pull away from the bed, standing at the edge as if afraid you would start screaming all over again the moment he moved.

You squinted your eyes in confusion and in an effort to mitigate the impact the lights were having on your head,

As if he could read your mind, Nines reached over the turned the lamp off without a word.

You sighed softly, noting the way that the air barely managed to leave your mouth due to how shaky you were feeling.

That nightmare had to have been one of the worst you'd ever had.

And the worst part yet? It wasn't going away.

You could still hear the sound of a single strong bullet hitting thick hard plastic, and you could feel the splash of warm thirium against your skin as a result.

It was horrible.

Tears filled your vision as you sat up slightly, bringing your knees to your chest as you tried to make sense of what was going on.

Why couldn't you stop thinking about it? Why were you torturing yourself like this?

You were just about to ask Nines what was wrong with you when he spoke up first,

"May I see your hand, Detective?"

He asked not unkindly, and hesitantly, as if afraid this could somehow go awry, you gave it to him.

You then watched in the dim lighting of the bedroom as your partner raised your hand up to where his thirium pump worked tirelessly within his chest, pumping in a manner that you could feel as it did so.

"I am alive."

He murmured softly, and you briefly wondered how he had known what was bothering you without you saying a word before you simply let it go and pressed your hand harder against the area below his sternum, feeling the evidence of his existence thump strongly against your palm and the pads of your fingers.

You looked up at him then, tears pooling in your eyes and spilling down your cheeks, and asked him for something you had never once expected to throughout the entire duration of your partnership,

"Nines, can you lay here with me?"

You murmured, watching as the android briefly contemplated your request before nodding once in compliance.

The bed dipped slightly as Nines dropped his knee on to the mattress before climbing the rest of the way over to the empty spot beside you, where he sat a bit awkwardly as he awaited your next request.

None of this was familiar to him in the slightest, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not figure out what you might want from him.

You sighed in slight relief as you laid yourself back down, noting the way that Nines watched as you did so before slowly doing the same, his head propped up by the pillows as he laid his palms face down on the mattress at either side of him.

He was very clearly not used to laying down, but you almost found it endearing that he remained so stiff even when in a position that was meant to be relaxing.

How very Nines of him.

Giving a gentle sigh, you turned your body on its side in order to better face your partner, who immediately shifted his gaze towards your own as you spoke, your hand raised ever so slightly towards him as you did so,

"Would you... Do you mind if I feel it again?"

Your cheeks burned as you considered your own request, but before you could back out, Nines shook his head before expressing his response verbally to reassure you,

"Not at all, Detective. I have no issues with you touching me if that is what you require."

You couldn't help but clear your throat upon hearing his words, but slowly lowered your hand onto his chest anyway, feeling yourself relax a bit as you once again felt his thirium pump beat strongly against your palm.

"Does it help you to know that I am well?"

Nines murmured, giving a low hum of interest as you nodded in response.

The room was silent for a few moments before he spoke up again, his voice quiet despite the silence of the room around you.

"I did not realize you had been so deeply impacted by my injuries. I apologize for my ignorance."

You were quick to shake your head upon hearing his words, and raised yourself up onto your forearms to better address him as you spoke,

"Don't apologize. I didn't realize either... I think I was just hoping to ignore it until it went away on its own."

Nines didn't reply, but instead gave a gentle hum of acknowledgment as he further considered your words.

You, on the other hand, took the silence as your queue to try and get back to sleep, something you were more than a little bit eager for after your night of terror and exhaustion.

Even still, you found yourself struggling to drift off, despite the added comfort of Nines' thirium pump as it beat steadily beneath your palm.

And after waiting and waiting for sleep to overtake you for what felt like far too long, you sat up on your knees and faced your partner in the darkness, your cheeks tinted pink as you made your second humiliating request of the night.

"I uh I can't sleep. Can I try something?"

Nines gave a small nod of approval, curiosity evident in his tone as he replied,

"I don't see why not, Little Mouse."

You felt your heart skip a beat at the familiar nickname, and swallowed thickly as you pulled yourself closer to your partner, letting out a nervous sigh as you lowered your torso back down onto the mattress, straightening out your legs beneath you as you let your head fall to Nines' chest, where the sound of his thirium pump working tirelessly within immediately filled your ears.

And with that, even more so than before, you found that your body grew relaxed, your eyes becoming heavy as you allowed your newfound comfort to will you to sleep once more.

Nines remained silent all the while, but watched you as you slowly drifted off to sleep with your head lying atop his chest, soothed by the sound of his artificial heart as he relished in the knowledge of your safety and comfort, even within a presence as dangerous and cold as his own.

AO3 Link

#s: ruiner ruination #s: ruiner ruination - indictus #c: nines #rk900 x reader #dbh x reader #request #prompt requests

[funshape]

getting something off my chest

hey everyone. it’s late at night and i’m very very scatterbrained as of writing this but i figure i’d just throw this into the void because i have nothing else to do. i don’t usually vent publicly but im so mentally distressed right now that i just want to get my story out there. i have decided that for my own peace i am no longer comfortable staying silent about this because the person who abused me did so with every intention of me not speaking out about it. i ask that you do not use this post to make speculative content or anything, please just be respectful. i just want people to know that this shit happened to me and it ruined my life.

trigger warning as i will be discussing incidents of abuse & grooming & horrible, genuinely life ruining manipulation that i was the victim of. these are not light trigger warnings at all, the subject matter handled here within this post is very blatant and if you are rightfully scared about seeing those topics discussed in a post i suggest you keep scrolling.

i need to warn you that i will not be using this persons online name. this isn’t to protect their identity. this is because i literally cannot type it or think about it or else i will enter a mental episode. so yeah. needless to say, if you know a certain timeline of events that’s happened to me you will instantly know who i am talking about and that’s all you need. for the record, i was a minor when this all happened. they were in their 20s.

a few months ago i, very publicly, cut ties with someone in my life who had been exposed for grooming a person. as i uncovered more evidence about them that turned into several people. what i did not realize at the time is that i was one of their many victims, and i also did not realize that i had been abused at all. that’s because they hid their own abuse of me from me.

it’s important that you know that due to a repeated amount of trauma in my life i have severe memory issues that tend to make me forget large gaps of time, along with me having dissociative fugues at set times due to that being when traumatic events have happened to me.

i knew this person far before i even thought of them as a serial abuser. back then they were my best friend and i discussed things regarding my mental health to them, believing they’d gone through a similar experience, and we’d do this as kind of a joint coping thing. now, i have mental conditions that i shared with them that i would never think to share to anyone else because they’re perceived as “inherently evil” disorders and there’s a lot of ableism around them that makes me apprehensive at best to share my experiences with having them to the public even amongst this era of mental health acceptance because of the stigma still surrounding them, but to them i shared my experiences with those disorders thinking i could trust them

and they would then turn around and use those disorders as an in to groom me.

they knew that these certain disorders were something i never wanted publicized and in order for me to call them out, i would essentially have to out myself for having those disorders in order to find peace. this is why i’m keeping my language so vague as it’s letting them win if i disclose this information about myself so just understand that.

what i mean by “they used my disorders to groom me” is that, i shared to them the certain times i would enter my dissociative states just so they would know not to message me then, as during those times i’m very susceptible to being overly agreeable and just generally having repressed trauma come back. so they knew about the times when this would happen. they were aware of the exact times .

then, during one of those times they messaged me.

they basically used my disconnection from reality as an in to groom me into their sexual fantasies and use my agreeable nature when i’m in that state to get me to roleplay with them. this is already disgusting because this is an adult and a minor. but even IF minors could consent - which they can’t - then thsi is still fucking sexual assault as i LITERALLY COULD NOT BE IN THE RIGHT MINDSET TO GIVE CONSENT. then when everything was done they went back and deleted all of their messages they sent to me, again with them being the one to initiate these extremely inappropriate advances

they would message me after i had calmed down from that state, with only the messages i sent remaining, only to push the blame on me, as if i were the one to make all that happen . they would say shit like “haha you acted so weird last night” and because they were my friend and i thought i did something bad, i laughed it off, but didn’t know how it kept happening, again, my brain does not work like a normal persons does due to trauma so i only connected that something happened after the fact

then this happened another 2 times. then another five times. and then it just kept happening

by the time they’d decided i wasn’t fun to abuse anymore, it was feburary of 2023

and they’d done this to me a total of, from what i can recall, 21 times. not that exact numbers matter, but that’s 20 more times than it takes to realize you should not have done this to someone. there is no excuse for this. they knew what they were fucking doing and that was fun for them.

i had been their friend for just shy of 2 years by then. and given that they called me their best friend and i did the same we talked about literally everything together.

i regret talking to them at all so fucking much now. because now every piece of media that i love that ive EVER talked to them about is just . forever ruined for me. because i see it and i think of them.

seeing the video games i liked at the time now makes me sick. i cant ever watch certain movies even if i loved them. because we talked about quite literally everything and anything the number of media i have to turn to for comfort can only be counted on one hand. aside from that small pool of things they have ruined so many fucking things for me aside from just media that this is going to take years and years to heal from.

i called them out on the biggest platforms i have and they refused to take accountability until i pressured everyone that knew them into confessing publicly. there for a few hours, a few very painful hours, people accused me of bullshitting. for lying for clout. they eventually did confess to everything being true, aside from my experience as i wasn’t aware what was happening at the time . only recently over the past few months have i had the strength to gather a timeline of events together and realize the nightmare scenario id been trapped in this whole time without even knowing it.

when they apologized, they did the usual influencer “i’ve been called out as a fucking pedo” song and dance of trying to dodge strays.

they said “they’d seek help”. “i’m getting therapy”.

yeah fucking right you are, you piece of shit.

do you want to know what you’d be doing if you actually wanted to take accountability? you’d fucking turn yourself in. either that or you’d be completely gone from the face of the earth in whichever way that manifests, and i wouldn’t care about how you’d go about doing it but in the case that you died or were put behind bars where you’ve belonged for fucking years, maybe then i’d be able to find peace.

but no. you’re getting help.

so go ahead. live your stupid fucking offline life.

but if i hear that you did to others what you’ve done to me, so help me god you will pay for it.

i have no real way to conclude this.

i’m just tired.