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twistedlymad · 4 years

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Hi!! I really love your Twisted Wonderland stories!! They make so happy!! I love the way you write the characters! If you’re still taking requests could I plz have a story of MC and the gang playing truth or dare where Grimm asks MC if she has a crush on anyone to get at the boys? And MC won’t tell so the boys try everything they can to see who she likes? I leave the ending in your hands! I understand if you won’t accept this request but if you do then I’ll be so happy!! Ok thanks YOUREAWESOME!!

Okay, let’s settle something first. And that is: I am NOT awesome.

You guys are the true awesome ones! You guys have so many ideas! My inbox is filled with requests of which I never knew could happen! Thank you all <3

Also, I have never fully immersed myself into a game of truth and dare :’) And now I’m writing a story on something I’ve played but not full heartedly. The irony is strong :’)

Thank you for requesting this story! I do hope it lives up to your expectations! Thank you again and have a lovely day!!

What if you played Truth or Dare? (Ft. Grim, Ace, Deuce, Sebek, Jack and Epel) (Riddle, Vil, Lilia and Ruggie are mentioned)

“Fgnaaaaa (Y/N), I’m bored.” Grim said while laying on your lap. You and him were doing your homework in your dorm.

“I know, but, when we finish, we can go out and meet up with the others. I’ll even throw in a can of tuna or two. How does that sound?” You said, trying to coax the furball into doing his homework.

“When you put it that way!! Fgnaaaa!” And the furball was more excited to do his work. You gave him a head pat and continued on your own work.

After about an hour or two, you two had finished your homework. You sighed and closed your book, you turned to see Grim dozing off to dreamland. You shook your head, giggling and gently nudged him awake.

“Come on you furball, it’s almost time to get dinner, we don’t want the others to worry about us right?” You said, picking Grim up and placing him on your head. Grim yawned a little before going to sleep on your head.

You had a nice little walk to the crowded cafeteria, when you arrived, you saw your friends sitting at a table not far from you. They were chatting with smiles on their faces while you went and grabbed yours and Grim’s food. After doing so, you went over to the table where your friends were sitting and sat yourself down.

“(Y/N)!!” The others called for you and you just shushed them. They were puzzled until you pointed to the sleeping furball on top of your head. They looked at each other before nodding and snickering. You smiled and slowly set the sleeping furball down on your lap and took a bite out of your dinner.

“So, how is everyone doing?” You asked your friends and multiple groans were heard.

“Riddle made me feed the flamingos wearing pink again today!!” Ace said with a sigh.

“I had to change the color of roses in the garden to white for the whole day.” Deuce said, taking a sip out of his drink.

“Ruggie-senpai dragged me around the whole school looking for Leona-senpai… Turns out he was sleeping in a tree at Main Street. I wasted a whole afternoon doing that.” Jack said.

“Hah! You guys don’t even know what is true hardship. Vil and Rook taught me on ‘fine dinning’ and ‘proper table manners’ the whole day! I don’t get it! IT’S FOOD SO YOU SHOULD JUST EAT IT.” Epel said, the last part in anger. You patted him gently as a gesture to calm him down.

“Malleus-sama was nowhere to be found when school ended, so me and that stupid Silver spent the entire day searching for him. We could’ve been done earlier if that human wasn’t so slow. I can’t believe he can let Malleus-sama out of his sight!” Sebek said.

“Ehh? Didn’t you also let Malleus-senpai out of your sight?” Epel asked the Diasomnia first year. The latter froze a little.

“N-No. Malleus-sama’s class wasn’t near mine at all today. It’s clearly that human’s fault.” Sebek said.

“Sebek, I’m sure Silver-senpai didn’t mean it. It’s just that Tsu- I mean, Malleus-sama likes taking walks around the school without anyone knowing, right?” You said, in hopes of calming down your friend.

“Hmm… Maybe you’re right, but still-” Sebek tried to argue but you cut him off.

“Sebek, it’s alright, mistakes happen all the time, let it go.” You said and sent a smile to him.

“A-Alright.” Sebek said, going back to his meal.

“You know what? Since you all had such a terrible day, let’s do something after dinner to clear your minds of it!” You suggested to your friends, their eyes lit up after you’ve said so.

“Yea!! But, what should we do?” Ace asked.

“How about a game?” Deuce said.

“What game?” Jack immediately asked. The 6 of you were brainstorming until Epel decided to speak up.

“How about Truth or Dare?” The Pomefiore first year piped up. You all took looks at each other before nodding.

“Sounds fun!” Ace said with a smirk.

“I’m in.” Deuce said, taking a bite out of his dinner.

“W-Well, it is just a game… I guess I’ll join since I have nothing better to do.” Jack said, his ears drooping slightly.

Alas, the only one who didn’t give a response was Sebek. So, you, Ace and Epel looked at him with the most adorable puppy eyes the 3 of you could muster. Jack was slightly confused but he has a gist of what you all were trying to do. Sebek looked at the 3 of you, his face slightly paling.

“W-Wha-“ Poor Sebek couldn’t even finish asking before you cut him off.

“Join our game Sebek!” You pleaded.

“It’ll be fun! We promise!” Ace continued after you. After the two of you had said this, you, Ace and Epel bombarded Sebek with the word ‘please’ over and over again.

“F-FINE! STOP YOUR PLEADING!” Sebek said, finally caving in to you, Ace and Epel’s chants of ‘please’. The three of you high fived each other and did a little cheer. Your cheering just so happened to wake Grim up from his nap.

“Fgnaaaaa…. What’s wrong with you people? Can’t you let a monster like me take a good nap for once?” Grim said as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. You giggled and petted Grim.

“Sorry Grim, but we were just excited! We’re playing truth or dare later.” You said, running your fingers through the creature as if you were to groom him.

“Truth or Dare? What’s that?” Grim asked you. You let out a small gasp.

“Grim… You… You don’t know what’s Truth or Dare?” You asked back the creature. He looked at you tiredly and shook his head.

“It’s like, the most common game ever to play with friends! You must’ve heard of it before!” Ace said to the furball.

“No, I have never heard of such game.” Grim replied the orange-haired student with a yawn.

“Well, you can see us play around before joining in later.” You said, handing him a can of tuna. “I remember owing you this.” The furball’s eyes lit up with sparkles.

“Fgnaaaaaaa!! Yes!!!!” Grim did a little happy dance and started to work his way into the can.

“So, where are we going to play later?” Sebek asked you all.

“Not Heartslabyul.” Ace said. “I cannot imagine enjoying the game with Riddle there.”

“Not Savanaclaw either. We can’t have a peaceful moment to ourselves there.” Jack said, shaking his head.

“Definitely not Pomefiore, unless you want our game session to turn into a makeover session.” Epel added on.

“Diasomnia isn’t the best option either. I’m pretty sure Lilia-senpai would interrupt us constantly.” Said Sebek.

“Well, I guess that just leaves my dorm right?” You said, laughing a little. “Then it’s settled then! We’ll have a small game session at Ramshackle Dorm. Now, hurry up and finish your dinner guys.” You ordered the boys as you finished your own dinner.

When they did, you all walked back to your dorm together, along the way, you guys had a nice little chat about what Professor Trein’s homework and how Lucius has a big influence on the class. The cat couldn’t help but meow at the end of each of the professor’s sentence. Ace even made fun of Deuce who meowed along once because he was half asleep then. When Deuce tried to defend himself by saying it was actually Lucius who made the sound and not him, Ace fired back at him saying that he was literally looking at him while he made the sound. Poor Deuce immediately turned red as the rest of you laughed. It’s okay, you comforted him after laughing for almost a minute.

Soon after, you arrived at your humble Ramshackle Dorm. You let everyone into the lounge and you guys started to discuss about the game that you were going to play. You guys decided to draw sticks to see who will go first. In the end, you had drawn the longest stick therefore you would start the game first.

“Alright then, let’s begin! Epel, truth or dare?” You asked your first victim and so the madness had begun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few rounds of Truth or Dare, you had ended up with Epel being punished to wear a pink dress and his hair was in an up-do. Ace and Deuce had been punished to switch places, their personalities, the marks on their eyes and even their clothes had been switched. Jack was dared to have makeup on his face, from mascara to lipstick, you name it, beauty products littered everywhere on his face, his tail was in a big braid as a dare. Sebek’s whole body was covered in glitter, everytime he moved, glitter would flutter off from his body, he was also punished to speak in hushed tones.

Yeah, let that sink in.

And for you, you just had to be in an uncomfortable pose. You were feeling pretty sore too, who would’ve thought you would have to do the game standing up with only one leg supporting you while one of your hands were stuck to your waist and the other on top of your head. This was a dare made by Sebek out of all people, and you can only leave the pose when someone else calls out your name. So, yeah, you were ABSOLUTELY SORE.

“I think I know how to play this game now!!” Grim suddenly yelled out.

“Final- I mean, good for you Grim! I have to be nice to everyone if I want to be an honor student!” Ace said to Grim, mocking Deuce who was clearly irked by this.

“Fgnaaaaaa! Why wouldn’t I know how to play? I am The Great Grim after all!!” Grim laughed out.

“Well, I guess you should get a turn, go on then, pick a student and ask them Truth or Dare.” Epel said.

“Hmmm… (Y/N) then!” Grim looked at you and you finally collapsed onto the ground.

“Thank you Gri-“ You were cut off by the furball.

“Truth, or Dare?” You looked at him with widen eyes.

“Hmm… I’m never doing dare again… So, truth!” You said, not moving from your position at all because you were too tired.

“Alright, Truth eh?” Grim said, putting a paw underneath his chin to make it look like he’s thinking of something. After a few seconds of ‘thinking’ the furball had come up with the question.

“I got it!!” Grim yelled. “Who do you have a crush on in this school?” Everybody froze.

Grim, no, you just… You just started a war.

“Hey! How about I switch okay? I choose Dare instead!!” You frantically yelled out.

But Grim already made up his mind.

“Alright then, I dare you to tell us your crush.” Grim said to you and your eye twitched. You got to hand it to the furball, that was one smart move.

“Argh! NO! I won’t say anything!” You said, crossing your arms and turning away from your friends.

“Hey! You didn’t let me do anything else than wear this stupid dress!” Epel argued with you.

“Guys, guys, no. If (Y/N) is acting so defensive, it must mean she has a crush.” Ace said. The boys looked at you while you slowly shrunk yourself.

“(Y/N), it is a dare.” Jack barely said for his face was too heavy with the amount of makeup on.

“Yeah (Y/N) come on, tell us! I as the troublemaker need to know because I’m dumb!” Deuce said, mocking Ace.

Truth be told, the boys treated each other like enemies when Grim asked the question as they each wanted to be your ‘crush’, they knew that everyone had spent their fair share of time with you and you must have a favorite, right?

So, with what Deuce had said, it seemed like a direct attack to Ace. And let me tell you, Ace was not happy at all.

“HEY! I HAVE BETTER GRADES THAN YOU!” Ace fired back to his dorm mate.

“SO?! IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE SMART IN YOUR EVERYDAY CHOICES!” Deuce yelled back.

“GUYS STOP.” Sebek said, getting in between them.

“Fine! Just because I don’t want to be covered in glitter as well.” Ace said.

“Hmph! Me neither!” Deuce said.

“Wait… Where’s (Y/N)?” Epel asked out. Everyone turned to where you sat only to find air there.

You see, while everyone was busy watching/stopping the fight between Ace and Deuce, you had sneakily taken off and ran straight for your dorm’s front door.

“(Y/N)!!! YOU CAN’T ESCAPE!!” Epel yelled as he and the others started to run after you.

“NO! FREEDOM IS NEAR!” You yelled and opened the door and ran out of it. As you just left your dorm’s front yard, you saw the boys were already on their way chasing after you. Grim was also with them but he had a spot on Deuce’s shoulder.

So, you ran, with a bunch of ridiculously looking boys on your tail.

“Guys, we should circle her instead, so, split up!” Sebek told his friends. The others nodded and branched off. You turned your head to see only Sebek running at you at full speed. You gulped slightly before picking up your pace.

“(Y/N)! This could’ve been easier if you’ve just did the dare!” Sebek yelled at you.

“Over my dead body!!” You shouted back and took a sharp left at the end of a hallway, leading you to Main Street.

But when you arrived, you saw something pink slowly walking towards you. You widen your eyes as you realized that it was Epel in front of you. You turned your head to the left to find Jack slowly approaching you from that side. Your right was being approached by the two Heartslabyul boys so escaping from there isn’t an option. You also felt a presence behind you and you already knew who it was.

And with that, you were trapped. Escape was impossible then.

Or so you thought.

“Now, (Y/N), be a good little student who accepted a dare and tell us…” Ace said smugly.

“Yeah, no backing out (Y/N).” Deuce continued. You were overwhelmed.

“F-Fine! I’ll talk, I’ll talk!” You said, covering your blushing. The boys all thought you looked adorable in that state. Could you blame them? You were looking all flustered and red and adorable while hiding her blushing face. Nothing could stop them from blushing slightly as well.

“Okay…” You said, taking a deep breath. The boys leaned in to you, wanting to hear more of your slightly trembling voice.

“My crush is-“

Ah, you were cut off. By a few voices actually.

“ACE! DEUCE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IS IT?!”

“EPEL! IS THAT YOU?! WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE EVIL QUEEN ARE YOU WEARING?!”

“Jack!! I need your help back at Savanaclaw!! Leona isn’t helping me!!”

“My oh my, if it isn’t Sebek, you know, Malleus would be disappointed.”

Yes, two dorm leaders and two vice dorm leaders were slowly walking to your group.

“Dorm Leader Rosehearts!” Ace and Deuce yelled to a red-looking Riddle.

“You two! It’s already curfew! If you don’t get back to your dorm in the next five minutes… IT’S OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!” Ace and Deuce’s eyes widen and ran at full speed to their dorm.

“Bye (Y/N)!! We’ll see you tomorrow!!” Ace and Deuce said as they ran back to Heartslabyul with Riddle following behind them, but of course Riddle walked slowly instead.

“EPEL!!!” Vil had yelled for his first-year. Epel let out a small groan before turning to look at Vil.

“What?” Your friend responded to his dorm leader.

“What in tarnation are you wearing?!” Vil questioned.

“Are you blind? It’s a dress.” Epel said with a straight face.

“Don’t make me slap you again. Come, we must go back to Pomefiore and get you out of this horrible outfit.” Vil said and dragged Epel away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow (Y/N).” Epel managed to say while being dragged back to his dorm by Vil.

“Jack! Didn’t you hear what I said?!” Ruggie was approaching Jack. “I told you that- HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR FACE?!?!” Ruggie couldn’t help himself as he turned Jack around only to be greeted with a makeup filled face.

“Yeah, yeah, you need my help right? Let’s just go now.” Jack said, dragging a laughing hyena upperclassman with him. “Bye (Y/N).” Said the wolf to you.

“My… Sebek… What a sight to see you like this.” Sebek froze for a good few seconds before turning around.

“Lilia-sama…” Sebek muttered in a low tone.

“I wonder how Malleus would react to this.” Lilia said and Sebek’s eyes widen.

“N-NO, MALLEUS-SAMA MUSN’T KNOW!” Sebek yelled.

“Then, I suggest you better hurry back to your dorm before he catches you.” Said Lilia with a small smirk on his face.

“We will meet again tomorrow (Y/N)!” Sebek said before rushing back to his dorm.

“Bye (Y/N)~” Lilia said to you before going back to his dorm himself.

After everyone were gone, you let out a breath you didn’t even knew you were holding.

“Fgnaaaaa… I only played one round though.” Grim said, as he plomped himself on your shoulder.

“I think one round is enough for you.” You said and started to walk back to Ramshackle Dorm.

“But seriously (Y/N), who is your crush?” Grim asked with curiosity.

“I don’t need a crush, I have you after all.” You said to Grim, patting his head.

“But but!” Grim asked further.

“No buts, either you stop asking about my crush or you don’t get to have tuna for the next few days.” You said with a stern tone.

“Fine…” Grim said and the two of you slowly made your way back to Ramshackle Dorm.

#twisted wonderland fic #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #ace trappola #deuce spade #grim #mc/yuu #epel felmier #jack howl #sebek zigvolt #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #riddle rosehearts #vil schoenheit #ruggie bucchi #lilia vanrouge

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idontblushsrry · 3 years

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How the Jujutsu Kaisen Characters Smell

A/N: Absolutely no one asked for this but I have thoughts and now yall have to hear them. Btw gonna put a keep reading because I’m trying to cover as many jjk characters as possible so it’s gonna get long.

Warnings: Spoilers if you’ve only seen the anime or haven’t read the manga up to the Shibuya Arc (relatively minor but you’ve been warned)

Itadori

He’s nowhere near the best smelling but his scent isn’t awful

He sweats a lot so he takes showers a minimum of 2x a day

Overall his smell isn’t that bad, he just smells like outside

5/10 points for effort but he always smells like he just got done rolling around in grass

Fushiguro

Fushiguro smells like the suave ocean breeze body wash with an undertone of pen ink

His smell is very nice, it’s not the most remarkable but it’s not stinky

Middle school Megumi was definitely a hot mess that smelled solely of axe body spray and other middle schoolers he beat up (Tsumiki tried her best but there was only so much he’d compromise on)

After he started attending the Tokyo school, Maki threw out his axe and made Gojo buy him actual cologne/scented body wash

7/10 smells like a friend (points reduced because he used to use 3 in 1 body wash)

Kugisaki

Kugisaki is very much clean

She keeps up a beauty regimen and doesn’t play when it comes to upkeeping it

She has this light floral scent because of that; it varies between cucumbers and roses

Her body wash is also consistent with the smell of her beauty products

One thing about Kugisaki’s smell is that it does change completely depending on what products she’s using

Although, if she were to be completely clean with no scented products, she’d have a smell that’s a little bit metallic because of the nails and a little pumpkin-y

10/10 points because she sets the standard

Gojo

Smells like the inside of a guys car

He smells like bergamot and cedarwood mixed with a hint of leather

Overall he smells nice and it’s frustrating because his scent lingers. It’s so distinct that even when he’s gone, his scent will stay behind just to taunt you

9/10 minus one point for being Gojo

Maki

She’s very particular about hygiene

It mainly stems from 1) her upbringing and 2) the level of cleanliness needed to clean all the weapons she uses regularly

She smells of metal polish, lavender with a hint of patchouli, and a slight undertone of rust

10/10 overall very strong scent but it’s so uniquely her that it’s calming

Inumaki

This makes no sense but I feel like Inumaki smells like the sandwich part of a deli

Specifically that fresh baked bread and sliced lettuce smell

It can be a bit nostalgic at times especially because the smell in general occurs in a lot of places

10/10 because bread smells good

Panda

It’s canon that Panda smells like the sun but we can get more specific

Panda does smell like the sun but I think he smells like a freshly cleaned room with the curtains open

The smell is like air freshener mixed with the sun

The air fresheners he smells the most like are: morning and dew, wood, pine, pet odor eliminator

10/10 no explanation needed

Yuta

Smells like teen spirit

Pre-jujutsu high (and before he was sent away to Africa); Yuta smelled like deodorant

He smelled like wayyy too much old spice, it was pretty bad

Post trip to Africa (idk which country he went to), Yuta smells of shea butter, frankincense, and charred wood

8/10 the crimes of pre jujutsu high Yuta will not be easily forgiven

Nanami

He smells like the blue Ralph Polo Lauren cologne

No I will not take criticism

He also smells a bit like the wrinkle spray people use when ironing clothes

10/10 we been knew that Nanami looks good, smells good, and dresses good

I don’t even like that cologne but for him...

Shoko

Love Shoko but her smell isn’t the most pleasant

Literally smells like cigarettes and alcohol with the sterile smell of cleaner to top it off

She’s an icon but her smell can be overwhelming at the best of times and suffocating at the worst

5/10 some people might like it but it is not for me

Utahime

Her scent is very foresty, either pine or spruce, with an undertone of gree tea

Her scent is a bit muted too so you can only really smell it if she’s really close or if you’re hugging her

It’s not a bad scent though, it’s the type that immediately sets you on ease

10/10 smells like a warm hug

Mechamaru(spoilers)

He’s a robot what’d you expect???

Jkjk Pre-Shibuya he smells really sterile and clean due to his condition

His robots obviously smell like metal and wiring

Post-Shibuya arc(or yk during technically): He smells kind of like nothing

There's the slightest smell of sparks from his cursed technique and the hint of mojito’s smell lingering, but otherwise he smells like absolutely nothing

6/10 the lack of smell is a bit off putting

Miwa

I can’t explain but I feel like Miwa smells like banana and vanilla

Like Mai and Momo tricked her and she ended up actually liking the smell

6/10 not the worst but not the best

Mai

Mai smells really heavily of metal and gunpowder

Obviously brcause of her cursed technique but she ever expected it to stck to her like it does

She doesn’t make any active effort to change it though because she thinks it makes her seem cool and mysterious

4/10 because while it DOES make her seem cool and mysterious, she scares locals

Momo

She definitely uses bath and body works perfume (tempted to say she uses the glittery versions but alas)

She loves using all the candles, lotions, and perfumes because of how girly they make her feel; has a collection that’s probably on a rotater

Definitely uses sweet pea above all

Tries to get Mai to try some of her fragrances but she has a 30/70 chance of getting her to agree

7/10 another scent that’s not for me

Todo

He has a really intense cleaning regimen and is never caught lackin in the smell department

He gets all the more embarrassed when Yuuji smells stinky next to him and will always make Yuuji shower if thr boy stinks

Other than that, he smelled of an ocean-y cologne before Takada-chan released her perfume collection

Now all he talks about is how he smells like the perfect husband for Takada

Takada’s perfume is really light a floral (along the lines of rose + vanilla) and if Todo runs out, he tries to steal it from Momo’s collection

9/10 minus a point for being a simp

Noritoshi

Smells really clean except for when he’s using his cursed technique

On average, Noritoshi smells like the clean linen spray/ clean laundry

When he uses his technique, he smells like blood and when he uses his technique to “dope”, he smells like sweat

Usually he smells like clean laundry though, he’s very picky about how he smells and hates the smell he gets from using his technique

10/10 for keeping clean

Naoya

If you think this man washes his ass...

Sorry but he’s a little too busy being a misogynist

Naoya saw the term gooch grease and was like “wow someone gets it!”

-400/10 I’m sick of talking about the ways this man smells like a popped neck pimple

Mahito

Only person that smells worse than Naoya

If Naoya smells like a popped neck pimple, Mahito smells like a literal sewer

He smells like sewage, garbage, rot and decay, melted plastic,etc.

Not only does Mojito’s body stink, his breath stinks, hair stinks, just everything stinks

Jogo and Hanami can’t tell since they don’t have noses but everytime Geto gets a whiff, he dies a little inside

-21982913293237932392379319210391090320323019/10 GET BACK. GET BACK. GET BACK.

Sukuna

Pre-death; he smelled like blood 9 times out of 10

The other 10% of times he smelled like incense or jasmine but you’d never smell it for long

Post-death; stinky funky and rotten

I’m sorry but 1) he’s a mass murder who literally sits atop a mountain of skulls 2) he’s technically dead and only exists thriugh his fingers

If you think that man smells like anything other than rot and grave wax...

-2/10 be glad he got a higher score than Mahito

Choso

I love Choso with every ounce of my being

That being said, he smells like a scab

Scabs don’t even have smells but somehow he smells like one

Alright I’m done slandering him

3/10 because I didn’t have the heart to give him anything lower

Geto(spoilers)

Pre-Gojo angst: Geto was the best smelling sorcerer in the world

He was very meticulous about his grooming routine and showed Gojo how to care for himself w/o the aid of servants

A king of self care and personal grooming 10/10

Post-Gojo angst: Geto really stopped caring about his appearance

He’d keep clean to set a good example for his kids, but he didn’t really see the value of looking decent

Probably says “I refuse to use the technology of monkeys”

Even though Mahito smells worse, Geto does still hang around Mahito and that’s gonna rub off

2/10 take a shower man, sea water doesn’t count as cleaning yourself

Junpei

Junpei smells like dandelions/picked grass and cigarettes

Cigarettes are obviously because his mom smokes them so frequently the smell sticks to him

The dandelions/ picked grass smell is because Junpei spends a lot of time outside

Out of boredom or a need to keep his negative thoughts at bay, Junpei started picking at the grass

I do think he eventually started weaving flower crowns made of dandelions and strips of grass

6/10 because I feel bad for him

Toji

This man...

As much as I’d like to pretend he smells good, he has a drooling worm hanging off him and probably owns like one outfit

That being said, he’s not as stinky as Naoya or Mahito (or even Sukuna), because he does clean himself when he has the chance

It’s just that he spends his money so quickly that he kinda forgets sometimes

Although he usually has no problem finding some woman who’d be more than willing to put him up in a hotel room

His smell is musky but it’s not funky

He smells like a guy right before they start to get stinky, it’s a delicate balance

4/10 he’s a lil funky but it kinda feeds his image

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saintheartwing · 3 years

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Promised Neverland, Season 2, Episode 8 Review...

They are SUPER. RUSHING. THIS. It’s just incredibly lame. It’s frankly just insulting. The “new story” that the author decided to adapt? You know what they did? They went the Batman vs Superman “Save...Marthaaaaa” route.

Let me explain. It begins with Norman meeting Peter Ratri.Isabella introduces him. He’s his “new father”.

“But you can call me Peter. Peter Ratri. I’d like your assistance with my research!”

How exciting! Norman can study all he wants now. But Norman knows what’s up. He knows he’s just a product even now. Maybe not FOOD but...still a product.

Norman is soon shown taking tests. He hunches over a screen quickly scanning things left and right, it’s super atmospheric alright, and his test scores are amazing. Perfect scores every time despite them increasing in difficulty. It’s fantastic. Lambda 7214 is lucky to have him.

Norman is soon eating alone in his room as the other scientists marvel over his skills. He’s got mad skills, alright. MAAAAD SKIIIILZ.

Peter Ratri is pleased by this. The kid’s perfect for Lambda’s upcoming plans. The era of James Ratri the gatekeeper is over. Now HE’LL control the farms and he shan’t give them an inch of hope.

The scientist behind him frowns visibly. And meanwhile, Norman’s found something. A litle puzzle box like a rubix cube. A note put into it. And who put it in there? An African American young man named Vincent.

We get to briefly see peeks of the folks that Norman would make into his friends. Tiny brief glimpses of horrors...and cute little rooms full of toys and dolls...while on the opposite side, Demons are tearing kids apart...

He will live. He will live and keep living to see everyone again-

Then he begins to cough up blood. Ohhh dear. He’s sick. Super sick. He doesn’t have much time left. He begins to put it together. He has six cameras in the room. 15 personnel at night. But he can gain explosives. He just needs parts for a detonator, he says to himself, playing a chess game.

CHECKMATE.

And then it happens. SHAAA-BOOOOM! The facility gets blown up. People are dead all over. Blood has pooled around. His plan worked. Mr. Smee, the friendly scientist, helped him pull it off, and gives him a pen as Vincent and he go to save the only remaining older kids left...who would become his gang. “Are you God?” Barbara asks.

Framed by the red alarm light...Norman looks more like the Devil.

But unluckily for the demons left over and captured, the only ones left alive, well...Norman kinda needs some more data on demons...and, well...turnabout is fair play...

We cut back to the present. Norman knows he’s soon to die. But he wants to create a safe world for Emma...

Meanwhile, Emma and Ray and Don and Gilda are out searching for Mujika and Sonju. They need to find someplace with multiple escape routes that would also be easy to hide in. Luckily, they know such a place, and they found footprints...

Alas, it’s not them. It’s something that walks on six feet. Nope. Small, wild demon. Maybe...this place? Nope. Nope! Nope, nope, nope! They keep looking around, disguised as demons to avoid detection but no luck at all, and time is passing quickly.

Then they get a break. The birds! The birds the two like to hunt. If they’d be hunting the birds, it’d be in a nice, big, wide-open place. But they need to be careful...this is home to a wild demon. A big, huge large one...with really lousy CGI, for the record.

Their first day has not gone well. They have to set up camp for the night. Four days left...

Norman and his gang are gathering up the potion as our heroes keep searching. Norman seems...preoccupied...

Our heroes are determined to find Mujika and Sonju. Without the evil blood, they can’t fix anything...but they’re quickly running out of time. Only two days left now!

Our gang is at the very last spot. There’s a lot of wild demons here, so they need to be careful, but...this is the last spot they have left to check. Their last hope. And...

They’ve found horse hoof prints! Could it be them?

Norman, meanwhile, is thinking about how kind Emma and Ray are. He’s determined not to waver. He WILL save all the kids in the farms. If he has to be God OR the Devil...he’ll become it...

And now...it’s gotten dark. Our gang is in deep trouble. A wild demon has found them! They have to attack, using their bows and arrows. Emma decides she’ll draw them off...

As Sonju and Mujika find the necklace Emma drops in her haste! They have to go rescue her. Ray pops out of nowhere, letting an arrow fly, and...THA-SHUDDA! Right in the eye! Center of the head! He deeeeead! That was, admittedly, a real nice moment. But...

Oh shit, it’s NOT dead. In its final throes its maw reaches out to engulf her and then...

SHA-SCHLIIISCH! OFF WITH YOUR HEEEAAAAD! Sonju slices its head off. Mujika and Sonju have found them! They ask what happened, and Emma begins to explain what’s going on...or rather, they’re ABOUT to when--

KA-BOOOOOOOOM! A distinct, loud explosion.

Uh oh. Norman decided to start a bit early. The town is being attacked. Explosions rocket through the town and the demons begin breathing in the gas...and those that do become monstrous, attacking even their family.

The experiment appears to be a rousing success. It’s a horrifying scene, admittedly. It looks disgusting. People are burning left and right as Norman and his gang nonchalantly make their way into town to just...watch it burn. It’s one of the only moments where things actually look really, really good...it’s creepy, atmospheric and horrifying to behold.

The good news is that Mujika and Sonju just agree to start running.

Meanwhile at the town, the nice grandpa demon that Emma had met in the temple has arrived back at town and found it on fire! And who knows where his granddaughter and family are? And then...

We find out his granddaughter’s name...right when Norman has a big-ass knife and is about to run the girl through the back.

Emma. Her name’s Emma.

...yeeeaaaah. They did the Superman and Batman “OMG OUR MOMMAS GOT THE SAME NAMES” thing. A blatant attempt to try and get Norman to empathize with the demons by showing familial love of demons right in front of him and with the girl having the very same name as the one he so dearly cares for. And then unfortunately it gets bad. They see Norman. They realize he’s a human. And unfortunately...then the gas hits them.

The granddaughter begins mutating...the grandfather isn’t.

Norman realizes...holy fucking shit. The guy has “the evil blood”. So he tries to stab the guy and...what comes out is red blood. “Emma...drink this blood and run.” Grandpa Demon insists. He has her drink from his hand, Norman looking at his blood-stained hands. Red blood.

Emma the demon is now crying uncontrollably as her grandpa tries to comfort her. “Even if I die. I want you to at least live.” “No! Grandpa! I want you to live with me!”

Norman is now feeling tears springing to his eyes. He looks around and is seeing the horror being unleashed. Children are screaming for their parents to stop eating people...themselves included. Some brave demon souls are desperately trying to keep the mutated from attacking families. “Why am I wavering?” Norman wonders aloud. “I knew this from the very beginning...there’s no other way...”

Especially not with the time he has left...

Norman can’t bring himself to bring the knife down and then he hears...

“NORMAN!”

He turns around...

And there Emma and Ray are...

And they see him. As he ACTUALLY is. A scared, horrified child with a knife in his hands.

“This time...I’m not letting you go alone!” Emma says.

And...the episode ends.

Well...gee. You know...this was probably one fo the best episodes because of the stuff with the town, but thinking about ALL this season sacrificed to get there...

It’s just like...it’s like being served, instead of the meal you ordered, a different meal completely that tastes fine...but you didn’t order it or ask for it. You wanted a steak. Not chicken. Sure the chicken is delicious but...you did specifically want a steak and EXPECT a steak. Not a chicken, no matter how tasty it is.

#the promised neverland #promised neverland #season 2 #episode 8 #spoilers #Norman #Emma #Ray

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ardentprose · 4 years

Text

College Boyfriend: Jungkook

Warnings: language, suggestive/sexual themes, boyfriend jungkook

Dating college-aged Jungkook...

Would be annoying as hell

he’s the type to piss you off whenever he’s bored

which happens alot because this boy. does. NOT. study.

which is stressful for you because at exactly 1 am every night he comes to you with his dumb shit-eating grin and his mint textbook because he never uses it

and begs you with not even a morsel of regret because he knows you’ll help him

otherwise how will you two graduate on time to move to the city together?? that rent will not be paid on one income

“baaaabe. what’s on the exam tomorrow?”

“Wow, i’m shocked you even knew there was an exam this time.”

“TaeTae just quit our game so he could go study and now i’m bored”

if you simply rolled your eyes and kept typing away at your paper he would drop his textbook loudly on the edge of your desk or if you’re in bed on your legs without hesitation

earning your death glare that does not phase him

he snakes his rock-hard arms around your tummy and nuzzles his face into your neck, his hair tickling your cheek and blinding you in your right eye

“pleasssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

“ALRIGHT BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME!”

alas

it was not the last time

bored jungkook would show up at your dormitory on the daily and you’d know because either

all the girls get real giggly out of nowhere

or he’s brought his entire squad and even the RAs are swooning over the seven boys clearly breaking the rules by being present in a girls’ dorm

he would never knock but just shout until you heard him through the door and your headphones

but of course your neighbors didn’t care

sometimes they’d even answer their doors first and by the time you let jungkook in he was already waist-deep in ranting about a battle gone wrong on league of legends and the regret in the girl’s eyes caused you to take pity rather than get jealous

he was Never allowed to bring all the boys in your pathetically small room so they would either scatter and explore this sacred paradise or line up obediently in the hallway, winking at the girls as they passed

bored jungkook lays his stinky feet on your thighs after working in the gym

he shakes the sweat from his hair onto you and will offer you his shirt and as soon as you turn your head, sometimes accepting the shirt blindly, he’s cackling as you hurtle the dead-cat smelling shirt across your room

bored jungkook will make up names inspired by his twitter feed and call you each one until you laugh or smack his closest body part

“babe. baby girl. bae. my boo. main chick. girl with the good hair who’s not becky because i only love you. mamacita. miss thicc. my skinny legend. sweetheart. brat (that’s YOU, jungkook). my ult bia AND my bias wrecker. my all-kill. yummy yumm- (NO!)

but sometimes bored jungkook was really sweet

there were times he was exhausted of his testosterone flooded environment and texted you in the most polite millennial format you had ever seen

“can we netflix and chill but like really just chill?”

baby boi jungkook is activated as soon as you reply ‘yes’

he shows up with a blanket and a hoodie he’s wearing but its for you because he would rather be shirtless and snuggling you under the blanket’s heat

and of course he brings exclusive “Y/N and Me snacks” from his many shelves of Jungkook Snacks

no lie he punched jin in the face because jin ate your favorite oreos and jungkook had saved up to buy those

okay so he accidentally hit jin while wrestling them out of his grip

you greet him with a kiss on each cheek and his eyes become adoring stars as he literally follows you around your room. he stands at the bathroom entrance and watches you get ready for bed. he waits patiently by the bed as you clear it of your study materials

you set everything up he strips his hoodie off and hands it to you

his arms again around your waist and this time he keeps his hair in a bun so it doesn’t tickle your nose and make you sneeze even tho your sneezes make him giggle

he kisses your lips at least four times while you surf netflix not offering suggestions because he only wants to watch anime or whatever you wanna watch

his love for romantic korean dramas started with you which is funny seeing as he’s had an entire lifetime to watch these with taehyung repeatedly recommending them

tae is not happy that it took a girl to convince jk to sit down and watch Boys Over Flowers

or even Strong Woman Do Bong Soon which was made for jungkook like c’mon-

and if a couple breaks up on screen, fighting and screaming he instinctively grips you tighter and presses his lips against the pulse in your neck for comfort and assurance

his wide doe eyes are glassy as they fight but they absolutely flood when the couple makes up

jk will whip his head into the hood behind your head and hide his tears while you stroke his forearm and interlace your fingers with his

most nights jungkook falls asleep on your shoulder before the first episode ends

some nights the first ten minutes have barely passed before you realize soft boi jungkook was a ruse and his hands are up his sweatshirt on your torso, cupping your boobs and mouthing at your neck and

dang nabbit you’ve been bamboozled AGAIN

but fuck is it hot the way his teeth pull the skin on your neck, going back in to suck on it and repeat the process until red blooms like an abstract necklace

and if you’re too lost in the feeling of his fingers circling your skin leaving traces of fire he’ll remove one hand and cup your cheek turning your jaw to interlock with his

thus a makeout session ensues

at some point you’re pulling the hair tie from his head and weaving your fingers through the wavy thick strands, moaning at that sensation alone

but your roommate usually comes in before you get very far

or annoying jungkook returns and he pulls away breathless but a smirk flashing on his lips as he glances over your shoulder

“its curfew...gotta go”

jungkook is actually very smart and very talented

like the best in his film production class AND his art studies class AND best athlete on the football team

he would be best dancer but hoseok claimed that title and jungkook has made it his personal mission to surpass the dancing legend before either of them graduate

he always holds your hand while walking to class

runs up and snatches your hand, kissing your cheek in greeting

uses your interlocked hands to pull your arm around his shoulder, cup your waist and kiss you for good luck before your test

always leaves his friends to come say hi

uses his extra college-given bucks to buy you a coffee or a meal in the cafeteria if you forgot your money

lets you use him as a chair if all the seats in the library are taken or even if they’re not and plays with your hair with one hand, phone in the other while you study for the both of you

everyone on campus knows jungkook is top of the line but everyone on campus thinks you’re top tier for wooing the man

that annoying student who guesses the answer and gets it right

if namjoon can hate another human being it’s jungkook in philosophy spouting off A-class bullshit and getting praise from the teacher

then having the audacity to ask for namjoon’s notes

college boyfriend jungkook may be your typical jock in physique but his heart is kind and protective and he knows how to balance time with his friends and time with you

well no thats a lie

he spends 99% of his time loving you

#jungkook x reader #jk x reader #jk x you #jk x y/n #college boyfriend jk #boyfriend jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook cute scenarios #jungkook cute #jungkook fluff

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 3 years

Note

A morbid thought hit me just now, how many romance sidequests do actually hold up? Like thinking on it I only love two of the six, and kinda like one. Over half of the romance sidequests have been duds! O__O

I don’t quite agree that they were all duds, but some of them were pretty bad, and others didn’t quite live up to expectations. Let me take a look-through:

The Celestial Ball is probably my favorite overall, even to this day. It just holds up really well, and it doesn’t really have any problems that the other quests don’t have as well. (The recycled dialogue, for example.) I think the success of this one comes from the focus on the event, preparing and enjoying it with our friends. This one is the best TLSQ out of all of the others overall, but it’s not necessarily the best Dating TLSQ, if that makes any sense. Because it plays things more ambiguously. It stars Penny, but her inclusion makes sense for the character and the rest of the cast does get adequate screen-time. The only thing is that, once you’re at the Ball, you wind up spending most of the night with Penny except for one scene with your Love Interest. So it winds up feeling like you’re on a Date with Penny regardless of who you pick, but again, the lack of overt romantic themes make that easier to swallow. Andre being the Style Wizard is introduced here, and he comes up with three boss outfits. Not to mention, Rowan gets a bigger role, and their relationship with Ben comes into play. Bill x Rowan gets teasing, too! How could I not love this one?

The First Date TLSQ is much more steeped in romance. Not just in the sweet and wholesome moments, but also in the high school drama, alas. It was the quest to introduce cutting characters and it removed three of them, while only adding one in return. So it’s got that working against it. The whole premise of MC writing the note is just so damn silly. I can laugh at it, but it really doesn’t make sense, especially since half of the options aren’t even in their Potions class. Tonks and Charlie, for as much as I love them, really need to work on their social skills because guys, guys, guys. What were you thinking? Characters expressing sadness that you didn’t choose them is an interesting concept, I’m both relieved and a little disappointed that they never explored this more. The scene in the courtyard at night was nice enough to make everything else worth it, but the whole idea that MC’s love interest might not like them anymore is a bit hard to go along with. One final plus though, is that this quest has the best outfits to choose from, period. I know it’s subjective but damn, Andre really outdid himself this time.

Valentines Day I...oh boy. The culmination of so much I don’t like. This quest started the tradition of having all of the love interests needlessly confess to MC, taking up valuable time for a reveal that doesn’t matter if you don’t choose the character and makes things awkward...and also doesn’t matter if you do choose them because it removes all tension and honestly? If the character is available, I already know they’re going to say yes. Penny acts like she’s drunk during the entire quest, and not in a charming way either. It really gets to the point of being out of character. And Gilderoy. Fucking. Lockhart. He is so annoying. Jam City got so caught up in featuring any canon character they could, that they never stopped to realize no one wanted to see this guy and watch him consume most of the screen time. He gets away with stealing MC’s story at the end, as well? Like, what? How? The Greenhouse scene is one of the most beautiful to be depicted thus far. It honestly makes the entire quest worth it...but it doesn’t save the quest, and I maintain that it comes out of nowhere. It’s a brilliant standalone scene...but it doesn’t make up for the final sin: Tulip is omitted for absolutely no given reason and as a major fan of hers, I am not happy about this.

The Festival TLSQ: Better than First Date and Valentines I, but not as good as the Celestial Ball. The story is more fun, especially with the added feature of outside classes. I like the overall carnival feel of the event, but I kind of wish this game didn’t constantly centralize MC, Penny, and Merula. Especially in the dating quests, with the whole concept of the election. Why is MC on the ballot if they didn’t run? Why can they only vote for two of the potential love interests? I know it’s a personal thing and it really kind of started in Valentines, but Andre’s outfits appeal to me less and less as time goes on, and he’s making fewer of them. That being said, I much, much prefer the concept of a “Secret Admirer” to just having everyone confess to MC, and “I think about you gobs” still makes me laugh every time I hear it. Lockhart does show up again and his sequence absolutely frustrates me. Like, he doesn’t stay as long as he did the first time and we do get to kick his ass...but why would he even dare show his face again after the botched memory charm? Why is anyone even listening to him or letting him hog the spotlight? Why is he here? Damn it, just let me and my date play around with painting our faces! I whine, it’s true, but this one is still miles better than it’s predecessor. It adds new characters, quite a few of them, and it also stars Andre. He normally doesn’t get the spotlight, so these things really work to the quest’s favor.

Valentines Day II: This one is far from being the best TLSQ we’ve ever had, but I actually do think that on the whole? It is the best Dating TLSQ we’ve had. It really captures the theme of falling in love, and the feeling of being a Valentines Day episode. The whole storyline about Pince and Filch? I really like that! The fairytale, storybook motif? It kinda really works! We once again have everyone outright confessing to MC, but I’m just gonna ignore it. The outfits look pretty damn good actually, but I am heartbroken that Luca can’t wear that skirt. Ah well, at least gals can wear the suit. The characters just work together well in this quest, there’s a sense of comradery in putting together the event and melting Pince’s frozen heart, right down to putting Filch in that hilarious outfit and dying Mrs. Norris pink. The whole plot being a reference to a rumor from the books is great. And yeah, MC’s date would have had absolutely no time to set up that whole set-piece in the library but what do I care? It was a really sweet moment. That’s just what works so well about this quest - it’s sweet. Between MC and their Date, between Filch and Pince...it was just a fun story to watch unfold, and at the end of it all, you get to celebrate with your love interest.

Enchanted Kiss: This one had such a promising start. I love the whole concept of MC auditioning for a play, actually putting on a production, and being cast alongside their love interest to be the romantic leads. It’s not even a “dating” TLSQ technically since you don’t go on a date with your chosen character. But you get to choose them early on and ignore all of that confessing nonsense. You get to work toward putting on a play. You get to work toward saving it...but unfortunately, that’s when it all goes wrong. I’ve said my piece about why it was a terrible idea to make everything about MC, and that kind of infected the rest of the quest. There are no outfits for any of the dating options, nor does MC even get to choose between outfits this time. Little details like that combined with how quickly this one came out after the last one lead me to believe they were perhaps rushing to get it out and I don’t know why. They went to the trouble of coming up with that adorable animation for the enchanted kiss...and they couldn’t have put a lip kiss in it, at the very end? Come on Jam City, you know that’s what everyone really wants! It’s the same as how they tease the idea of MC and their Date saying “I love you” for the first time, but this doesn’t happen either. It just started so well and became very disappointing, but it was still fun overall.

#Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery #Ramblings #HPHM Jacob's Sibling #HPHM Analysis

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bugmomwrites · 4 years

Text

Astragalus Tea & Soft Company (Juzo Honenuki x Reader)

Astragalus flower meaning: You soften my pain

Thank you for 100 followers and counting!

FUN FACT: This was actually for the Bnharem server collab, and the prompt was Flowers. I was hella late for this one due to things that popped up BUT my friend’s awesome stories are linked below, so check them out too!

https://jojosmilktea.tumblr.com/post/618831496637300737/this-is-a-sfw-choose-your-own-collaboration-by-the

I ended up whipping something together like a day before the deadline and almost having it done- and then I forgot my family came up to visit. My state has eased up guidelines a bit, and since I haven't seen them since my grandma’s funeral at the end of last year, I wanted to spend some time with them before they go home. As a result I kind of didn't have the time to polish it and post on schedule. Better late than never? Anyway here's some food for you Honenuki stans cause my boi needs more love. Takes place in their third and final year- their long history of friendship is important and comes up.

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 7.7k

Warnings: Language, vomit (brief scene), nudity (nothing happens but still)

After sharing classes for God knows how long, Juzo Honenuki could confidently say he knew just about all of your little idiosyncrasies and habits. You were one of his closest friends after all, even having gone to the same middle school. You both got in on recommendation, and the two of you were now in your third year of UA. He knew you liked to watch older memes from years ago, still quoting Vines as far back as 2013. He knew you’d flap your hands a bit whenever you got excited or nervous. Lastly, he knew you well enough to know you didn’t just get sick out of nowhere- it had to be a result of your poor sleeping habits as of late, ultimately catching up to you and taking a toll on your well being.

The other night he could hear you shuffling in your room across the hall until about 4:30 in the morning, and upon seeing your current state he mentally kicked himself for not nipping it in the bud weeks ago.

How you managed to retain the energy to function in class every day was a mystery in and of itself, but you for one thought you were doing an awesome job at balancing late night productivity with biological needs. Honenuki just so happened to live in the dorm room right across from you, often bearing witness to your bizarre nightly routines first hand. It never bothered him too much; he knew academics were tough and sometimes people needed a bit more time to study or indulge in their hobbies. So for a while, he thought nothing of the shuffling noises, or the light coming from under the crack of your door at some unholy hour. If he held his breath he could even make out some soft curse words uttered by you among other various sounds.

He knew you were up to something, but as much as he wanted to check in on you, there was a strictly enforced curfew, and it wouldn’t look too good if someone caught him sneaking in and out of his friend’s room in the middle of the night; nevermind that you were a girl. He resorted to just shooting a quick text, hoping you’d take a hint and maybe get some shut eye. His phone pinged not a minute later, and he shook his head in disappointment at the notification.

Read: 3:36am

By week two he began to notice you lagging behind in sparring, and even stopped to ask you about it- something that took you a bit by surprise considering his normally competitive streak- but you had dodged the question completely, dismissing his concerns and attempting to get back to the match at hand. He didn’t want to press, but if you said you were fine- so be it, he wasn’t one to hold back. He trained with you for about twenty or so more minutes before he noticed your reaction time slowing down exponentially, and even swaying side to side towards the end. You hunched over and rubbed your temples in pain, and in a moment he found himself cradling your head towards him, even softening the gym floor a bit in case you teetered off to the ground. He could see the bags under your eyes, so after scooping you up completely, he went off to Recovery Girl.

Said nurse confirmed that your tiredness was, in fact, a result of the all nighters Honenuki would catch you pulling multiple times per week.

“You should listen to your boyfriend! He only wants you to be healthy,” said Shuzenji.

Of course you only heard bits and pieces, already dozing off on the cot. He cleared his throat, teeth clacking when your head fell onto his shoulder. If he was already tense before, he was a full-blown statue by now, and the poor boy prayed he didn’t look like a tomato. He went to correct the nurse, talking carefully so as not to disturb you.

“We’re actually just friends, ma’am. I just happened to know about it because my dorm is right across from hers, and I can see when the lights are on under the d-” She cut him off, whacking him in the shin with her cane.

You tumbled onto the cot, somehow managing not to wake up from the impact. Honenuki could only sit there slack jawed as the older woman continued her tirade.

“You’re still close to her! Don’t be afraid to nag a little bit. But hopefully this should be a lesson. I’ll write you a pass.” And so, Honenuki took one last glance to where you lay curled up and at peace for the first time in a while, and saved that memory to his brain when Shuzenji offered the scribbly post it note to the blushing boy. He nodded in thanks, and briskly made his way out.

“Please get some rest, I hate seeing you like this.”

~~~

Did you learn your lesson that day? Apparently not. He still told you now and then to go to bed at a reasonable hour, and as much as you appreciated the care from the boy you loved, his warnings fell on deaf ears. This pattern persisted for a while, where you’d wake up exhausted and have him lecture you, only for you to ignore his advice. Rinse and repeat. You knew he meant well, but after one particularly bad day you couldn’t help but snap at him. Honenuki still remembered it vividly, seeing most of it firsthand in your shared class:

Another Monday morning. You were tired, and that was an objective fact. You already knew it was your fault, but you were so far gone that you couldn’t just go to bed early one night and hope it would undo all the self-inflicted psychological damage. You had already formed a habit, and it was something that could only be fixed over a period of time, little by little.

That day was particularly rough- Vlad kicked off the morning by giving the whole class a pop quiz, which you were sure you bombed horribly. Afterwards, you weren’t alert enough during training, which gave Tsuburaba an opening to catch you off guard and knock you to the ground ass first. It was a short fight, and he wouldn’t stop bragging to his friends about his quick victory.

“That’s a victory royale, bitches! Three years of UA and I finally beat (l/n)!”

To add an insult to injury, he was doing Fortnite dances (in mid 2020, no less), while whooping and hollering. You wanted to be happy for him, maybe even congratulate him on a good fight, but he was too damn obnoxious and by that point you just wanted the class to be over. The bastard didn’t even help you up, so you could only glare at him from your place on the floor. On the way back from the USJ, you got stuck on the bus seat between Monoma and Kamakiri, the former screaming from his own seat behind you to pick a fight with the hotheaded boy two rows up.

“Listen man, I’m just saying, if I wanted a teammate with the same abilities and none of the death threats I got from you on a daily basis, I’d tape a couple of knives to a Roomba and let it loose on class A.”

Kamakiri, however, was having none of it, so the next time Monoma leaned over your backrest to yell in his ear he was greeted with a swift punch in the throat. It sent him tumbling backwards and he released your backrest, but not before Kamakiri’s quirk accidentally left a clean gash on your forehead as you tried to duck down from the crossfire.

The howling laughter and “oh shit! Monoma’s fucking dead you guys!” from Setsuna did nothing to ease your headache, and as much as you wanted to give the two boys a piece of your mind, you didn’t particularly have a death wish. So you opted to seethe quietly, applying pressure to the wound until you could patch yourself up at the clinic.

When you arrived, the nurse was on lunch break, so you had to haul ass all the way back to the Class B dorms in the rain, do a walk of shame through the common room where many of your peers congregated at that time, and pray that you could find some sort of first aid kit in the bathroom. As expected you were bombarded with questions, but you dismissed them quickly, making your way over to the ladies room.

One alcohol wipe and a few butterfly sutures later, you tried to sneak back to your room for some sort of respite from what ended up being a trainwreck of a morning. You were almost in the clear when you bumped into someone you really, really didn’t want to deal with. Juzo. Normally, you’d be relieved to see him, possibly even thrilled. Alas, you just wanted to be left alone with your thoughts, at least for the time being. But in a matter of seconds he was all over you, much to your chagrin- especially since you were already on the verge of tears.

“Are you okay? What happened? Maybe you should go get some rest.”

“I’m fine, Juzo, it’s nothing. Just tired.” He frowned, having been here before one too many times with you. You looked like you would break down any second, and when that happened, he didn’t want you to feel alone. He loved you more than life itself, but if he couldn’t even be there to pick you up when you fell, what kind of friend would he be? Certainly not your best one, that was for sure. He figured he should tread carefully, knowing how much you hated crying in front of others. With a sigh he reached out, hesitantly running his thumb along the underside of your cut.

“Have you tried going to bed at a decent hour? I know I sound like a broken record, but-” Having enough, you slapped his hand away out of reflex, your teary (e/c) eyes now burning with rage at his words. Gentle, well-meaning words you’ve grown accustomed to hearing for the past few weeks being the final thing pushing you over the edge.

“I said I’m fine Honenuki! My sleep habits are my business, so why don’t you leave me alone. Don’t you have anything better to do?!” You did a full 180, lashing out and raising your voice loud enough it would traumatize even Present Mic. You were a ticking time bomb from the moment you woke up that day, and Honenuki was the poor soul that just happened to cut the wrong wire.

Honenuki visibly flinched at the use of his surname. Coming from anyone else, it was just a friendly acquaintance giving him a warm greeting, or making small talk. Coming from you, however, it felt...cold. Unfamiliar. You had been calling him Juzo since you both were fifteen, forging a camaraderie after the summer camp incident and growing closer ever since. He could only blink in shock at your outburst, unable to find anything to say as his mouth went dry. You stormed off, slamming the door to your room and shaking the floor beneath him, leaving him standing there with mixed signals and a heavy heart.

Still, he knew it was only a matter of time before you’d be paying the consequence, so he really shouldn’t have been so surprised when he got a message from you less than a week later. The news came to him just before he arrived to his first class of the day, and upon reading your text, he mentally facepalmed at your stupidity. Your bad sleeping choices- coupled with the freezing rain from that fateful day- had finally caught up to you, knocking you out with a nasty bug. It was the first time you had reached out to him since then, and even if he didn’t take anything too personally, it was a little odd for you to ignore him and follow up out of the blue without closure.

(Y/N) 8:30am: Can you please tell Vlad I can’t make it to class today? I feel like utter garbage. You'll never guess why ;-;

Juzo 8:33am: Ugh! I knew it! >HHHH<

(Y/N) 8:35am: In all fairness, maybe it’s just from the rain and not my piss poor bedtime routine...?

Juzo 8:36am: Stay put. I’ll be over after class.

(Y/N) 8:38am: Cool beans. Btw I already took some nasty ass cough medicine so please don’t make me take another dose for a few hours.

Juzo 8:39am: Fine. You better take it without any arguments when it’s time.

-and with that he clicked his phone off, waiting anxiously for the bell to ring. He took an extra set of notes for you, because you had insisted ‘that’s what friends do’, and he needed to keep his mind busy. The next class was English with Present Mic, and he thanked whatever deity out there that he was bilingual. Popping in and letting him know the circumstances wouldn’t cause any harm, and he was sure Mic would be willing to get another copy of the notes.

9:30am couldn’t arrive soon enough, but as soon as Vlad dismissed the class, Honenuki made a beeline for the English classroom. He was making great time, and was sure he’d be the first one there. At least until he found himself barreling into the back of a familiar leather coat. He almost got knocked back from the sheer force and he quickly apologized, bowing his head when a loud voice stopped him in amusement.

“Woah, slow down there speed racer! Just try to be careful next time”, Present Mic laughed, and Honenuki looked up in relief to find his teacher on his way to the same destination.

“Mic-sensei! Perfect timing, I actually wanted to ask a favor. You know (y/n), my best friend? She’s sick in bed right now, so I was wondering if I could get an extra copy of the notes to bring to her? I’d write them myself but my hand is a bit cramped from doing two sets last class.” His teeth clacked nervously, hoping that he didn’t seem too desperate, especially since it could be misconstrued as something more.

Mic raised an eyebrow, and hummed in thought briefly. “Ah, young love. You’re my top student in that class so I’ll do you one better! Next period is lunch, so I’ll give you a copy real quick since the teacher’s lounge is right here. I’ll even let you leave a half hour early IF you promise to help me organize the new textbooks when the order ships on Thursday afternoon.”

Honenuki was thrilled, and nodded his head in agreement. A half hour later a hall pass was placed on the desk along with a photocopied set of notes, and he thanked Mic again, nodding gratefully before hurrying off to the dorms.

Honenuki rushed over to your bedside with a thermometer and a hot cup of tea, and you wanted nothing more than to apologize for giving him grief the last time you saw him when he was only looking out for your well being. You opened your mouth to speak.

“Juzo, I’m s-” You got cut off by a coughing fit, and he found himself rubbing comforting circles on your back before a mug was held out to you, almost like a peace offering. His eyes were soft and caring, and he muttered out encouraging words until you calmed down enough to notice what he had brought over for you.

“Don’t worry about it, we’re good. I brought you some astragalus tea. Yaoyorozu from class A said it was really good for pain relief and sickness. Shiozaki happened to have some fresh herbs growing too for brewing.” You accepted the cup gratefully, shaky hands attempting to take a tentative sip before you sneezed, spilling the hot beverage on your lap and wincing at the pain.

Honenuki panicked, fumbling for the cup and placing it on the nightstand beside you. While you knew Honenuki would never yell at you, you knew there was a pretty high chance he would at least give you a piece of his mind or even an ‘I told you so’. He was normally pretty laid back, so to see him so visibly worried was...jarring, to say the least. It probably didn’t help that you got teary eyed from the scalding hot beverage, and as much as you wanted to cry because of how much pain you were in, you didn’t want to deal with another post-sob migraine or stuff your nose up even more.

“I thought I told you not to stay up so late.”

There it is, you thought. Honenuki had told you time and time again that pulling all nighters would lower your immune system, making you more susceptible to viral infections that you may have otherwise been able to prevent with some proper rest. It was Friday morning too, and you woefully remembered that you’d have to cancel your plans for a girls’ sleepover in the dorms later that evening.

“What was so important that you had to sacrifice your hours anyway?” He chastised you gently, careful not to raise his voice too much as he put a hand to your forehead.

You sighed at your friend, leaning into his touch. His hand retracted much too quickly for your liking, and you had to take a second to compose yourself and provide a response.

“Video games...?”, you grinned sheepishly. You didn’t want to elaborate any more, hoping he would buy it.

Honenuki almost rolled his eyes at that. He knew you typically played online with a team, more specifically Awase, Tsuburaba, and Tetsutetsu. He also knew Awase had mentioned offhand yesterday that you hadn’t been on the raid team for almost a full week, and ‘was wondering where the hell you disappeared to’ . It’s not like you played a million other games either- you only got into it because they needed a full team of four once while Rin was away visiting his family.

“Try again, (y/n). I know you don’t dabble in much else besides Minecraft.” Defeated, you sat up, covered in sweat as your clothes felt like a layer of plastic wrap.

He began to absentmindedly rub your back, a habit which you normally found endearing, now serving as major comfort. His massages were hands down the best, and you often wondered if his quirk had anything to do with it.

“I’ll tell you all about it when I’m better, but everything hurts right now.” Honenuki nodded in understanding, and you both sat in silence for a few.

“I’m going to check your temperature. Is that okay?”, he looked at you with concern.

You hummed in agreement, and the next moment the cold metal was placed against your forehead, rolling down to your temples. You wished it was any other circumstance besides this one where his face would be close to you, because holy shit, he was so cute when he was focused. If you weren’t sick as a dog you may have even had the courage to lean forward and kiss him on the teeth, but that may have just been your fever induced delirium. It beeped after about ten seconds, and he showed you the flashing 38.9°C on the little screen. From your perspective, you wondered how much of that was actually from the sickness, and how much of it was from nerves. He ruffled your hair before speaking again.

“Tell you what- go in and shower okay? You’ll feel leagues better, it’ll loosen your sinuses a little bit, plus you still have tea on your lap.” His teeth clacked as he chuckled good-naturedly.

You grumbled at the realization, and rolled out of bed to clean yourself up a bit. You left a big patch of sweat on your sheets, so Honenuki offered to run them to the laundry room and see if he could find some cough medicine in the meantime. You thanked him, your voice still raspy and gave him an affectionate headbutt before you left.

After you disappeared down the hallway with a towel, he got to work for a few minutes when his phone buzzed. Kurorio’s picture popped up on the caller ID, and Juzo unlocked his phone to accept the call.

“Heard your girlfriend’s not feeling too well?” inquired Kurorio.

“Kuro, hey man! Um, (y/n) and I are still just friends. Would be cool though.” Honenuki slapped a hand over his mouth at his wording, hoping that Kurorio would buy it (he did not).

“I’m just taking care of her for the time being, taking her temp, washing the sheets, you know?”. Kurorio hummed suspiciously, but changed the subject.

Honenuki pulled up the topsheet with both hands while balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear as he bantered back and forth with one of his classmates. Kurorio was cracking jokes about how much dogs in general look like their owners. Especially their homeroom teacher, Vlad King and his English bulldog.

“It's the underbite! I know the former doesn’t have the floppy jowls, but I just can’t get over the underbite!” he had said, as Honenuki was quick to mention the square shoulders probably didn’t help much either. The two of them broke into a fit of laughter as Honenuki bunched up the sheets and pillowcases into the comforter like a knapsack, about to make his way downstairs when something wooden was peeking out from between the top sheet and fitted one.

It was a simple embroidery hoop with some aida cloth stretched over it, and various colors of thread knotted and going every which way. He flipped it over cautiously, YOU SOFTEN MY HEART was stitched in neatly inside a simple little border of what looked like Astragalus blossoms, and a small tapestry needle dangled below the messier side of the work.

Honenuki was intrigued- he never knew you could cross stitch! Of course it was nowhere near completion, but the black outline you started with was kind of a dead giveaway. It was like you blocked everything out first and built a foundation before finishing the more complex portions. It had to be planned out, the craftsmanship was too deliberate, too precise to just be done one stitch at a time while still maintaining consistent proportions. It was definitely a bit of an odd phase to copy onto what would likely be a keepsake, and he puzzled over the reasoning behind it when a wrinkled piece of graph paper under the bed caught his eye.

He smoothed out the pattern you had drafted so carefully, and he was thoroughly impressed at the detail in the work. But everything seemed to click in his brain when at the very top of the sketched out pattern were the words Birthday Gift: 06/20. That, and the post-it note on the side that said It’s for Juzo you lovesick bitch so make sure you practice, practice, practice!

Was that why you were up so much? Were you learning a brand new skill this far in advance to make something for him? His birthday wasn’t even for another month, but when it came to art projects, you were always planning and organizing to create the best results. He decided to set the pieces on your desk and went back to stripping the last of your bedsheets to take down to the laundry room. It would be a while before they were dry and clean enough to put back, so if you finished up before then, he figured he could just grab a couple blankets from his own bed right across the hallway.

“Huh, that’s really pretty”, he muttered absentmindedly.

Kurorio’s interest was piqued, and before either of them knew it, the conversation went back to (y/n) as Honenuki continued to tidy up for about ten more minutes.

“Yeah, I brought her tea, and sent her in to shower. She should be fine in a couple of da-“ THUD. Seeing as how you two were the only ones in the dorms, the noise was no doubt from you. Honenuki paled, but tried to stay composed even though his mind was racing.

“You were saying?”, Kurorio was snickering on the other line, not even trying to hide his amusement.

He knew his friend had a growing crush on you, and as much as he wanted to tease him about it he knew Honenuki was stressed enough already.

“I’ll call you back.”

And with that Honenuki found himself clicking the “end call” button and booking it towards the bathroom down the empty halls of the dorms. He tried not to seem too worried, praying you just dropped a bottle or something. Still, when you were in such a state he couldn’t help the looming sense of dread that you had gotten hurt somehow.

“(Y/N)? Everything okay there?”

Silence.

He knocked again, only to be met with a pained groan from the other side. Common sense was thrown out the window as he turned the knob and found you sprawled out on the floor, face down, a little wet, but thankfully still fully clothed with the shower running. He wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or just confused, and if it weren’t for your labored breathing the whole thing would very much look like a crime scene.

He kneeled down to your level. “What are you even doing? I thought you were going to shower”, he asked softly as he tried to flip you on your side.

You blinked slowly, assuming fetal position as you responded.

“Water hot. Floor cold.” Just as you went to press your burning cheek back against the tile, a pair of arms scooped you up.

He didn’t even have time to be embarrassed as he set you on the countertop by the sink and helped you peel off your now soaked top, tossing it to the side. He took the hand towel hanging up next to you, folding it lengthwise and ran it under some cold water before holding it up to your forehead. Your normally healthy (h/c) hair was matted and smelled of sweat, and it looked like a real bitch to comb through. You seemed to realize just how much of a mess you were, and couldn’t help but feel tears of humiliation bubbling up. This didn’t go unnoticed by him though, and his brows pinched together in concern. Before he could ask what was the matter, you sighed ruefully.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with me like this”, you muttered.

God, you couldn’t even look him in the eye. The man you’ve admired since day one was seeing you at rock bottom, and the shame was almost too much to bear. Honenuki, being the saint he was, just rubbed your back soothingly and told you not to worry. Still, there was a growing dread in the pit of your stomach, and you wondered why he was pitying you. Could things get any worse?

Indeed they could. Before you could stop yourself, the little bit of tea, as well as the crackers that you had consumed earlier somehow found its way back up and all over the front of not just you, but your best friend and longtime crush as well. There wasn’t a whole lot in your stomach, but the amount of it wasn’t what worried you- it was that you did it in the first place.

You started crying all over again, apologies spilling out of your mouth as you hyperventilated. This was it, there was no way he’d want anything to do with you now. He’d probably be too disgusted to keep helping you, and as soon as everyone got back to the dorms, word would get out, and you wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it. His stunned silence only made you more anxious, and you prepared for the worst when he took off his tee shirt and started wiping you off as best as he could. He put the soiled shirt into the corner before grabbing the wet towel and wiping off more of it, cleaning up the mess. Finally, he looked down at you, and squeezed your shoulder affectionately.

“It was an accident, (y/n) it’s fine. I’ll be right back”.

Now it was your turn to be stunned as you sat dumbly on the countertop for a minute until he reappeared with lysol wipes, a new towel, a jar of Eucalyptus mint soap scrub, and a fluffy bathrobe.

He turned on one of the showers, waiting for it to be a good temperature before turning back to you. “Go ahead and get in the shower. I’ll clean up.”

You didn’t have the energy to object as you shuffled over to the stall, peeling all your clothes off and getting in, albeit sitting on the floor- you didn’t want to risk falling over again. After a few minutes, you could feel your sinuses clearing a little bit. Enough for you to talk a sentence or two at least. After the events that transpired, you found some solace knowing that your best friend must really care about you to stick around and help you during a time like this. You remembered how he’d blush whenever someone asked if you were dating. You had nothing else to lose at this point, so your feverish brain made a bold decision and you stuck your head out to find him still waiting outside.

“I’m not gonna let you sit covered in vomit. And I know you’re too stubborn to leave my side to go wash up somewhere else, so get in here.”

Honenuki was at a loss for words. Was it really fair to you? You were the one inviting him in. But then again, you did have a point- he really did plan to wait it out. He’d do it a hundred times for your sake. Would it be weird? It wasn’t like you were toddlers anymore, whose mothers wanted to get a cute picture in a bubble bath- you guys were in your final year of high school, and if the note he found in your room was any kind of proof, you were just as in love with him as he was you...but there was no one else in the dorms, and the opportunity was practically handed to him on a silver platter. You were just a sick friend in need of help, right? Except you saw him as something more than that, he wasn’t stupid. And while in any other case an invitation to share a shower would be implying some sort of ulterior motive, he knew you well enough to know that you were genuinely looking to help him. Just with the added bonus of seeing a different side of you.

So he took off his shorts, opting to leave his boxers on just in case. He was silently grateful that the water was a colder temperature to ease not just your fever, but his racing thoughts as well. Keeping them on probably wouldn’t do too much to hide his arousal if they were going to get soaking wet anyway and just cling to him as a result, but at least this way he could keep it hidden from plain sight. He opened up the jar and passed it to you, which you gratefully accepted, but not before taking a deep whiff of the soothing scent. He sat behind you criss-cross applesauce, and gently took the plastic comb from you as you kept trying to yank it through your hair.

“Allow me”, he said, squeezing some shampoo out and lathering it on your head. Occasionally, the foam would fall onto your body and you’d have to flick it away with wet hands. These motions only made it that much more difficult for Honenuki to keep his eyes off your supple, soft curves. The slope of your back to your ass looked almost too inviting with the white suds cascading down in rivulets. He groaned inaudibly when you wiped a particularly large cluster of bubbles from off your chest, trying not to stare for too long.

He coughed, grabbing your attention. “Can you lean back more?”.

You tilted your head back, sighing in content as he massaged your scalp, taking great care to not get soap in your eyes. He reached for the shower head when you stopped him. You lathered up some shampoo and repeated the process on him, making sure to spike his hair up as high as you could. Then you did the same for yourself before you both turned to each other, and broke down into a fit of much needed giggles at how ridiculous you both looked. Maybe laughter really was the best medicine.

He rinsed your hair off and proceeded with the conditioner, combing it through one section at a time. It was one thing to absentmindedly play with the ends of it whenever the two of you were hanging out in close proximity, but to go through it so thoroughly and gently was surprisingly intimate, especially given your current scenario. Honenuki and you have been close for years now, maybe not quite since diapers but long enough for you to realize that he had already seen most (if not all) sides of you- and likewise, you of him. The man had somehow managed to stick by you through your awkward middle school years, to the rough days of early highschool and hero training, and even now when you were suffering the consequence of going against his advice.

You thought you were only crushing on him before, but after having him see you so vulnerable and still s tand by you, you realized the idea of spending the rest of your life with him sounded even more appealing than before, if that was possible. You, (y/n) (l/n), were in love with your best friend Juzo Honenuki, and after the events that transpired this morning, you were okay with that.

“So that’s what you use to get your hair to smell like (f/f)...” his thoughts were accidentally voiced out loud, breaking you out of your reverie. You nodded slowly, and the soft clack of his teeth was heard behind you. “It’s nice. I like it!”, he said more confidently this time before he picked up the bottle to read it.

“Thanks, you want some?”, you questioned hoarsely, but since your voice was still sore it was very difficult to be heard over the running water.

You didn’t get a response, either because you weren’t loud enough, or he was too absorbed in the words printed neatly on the bottle.

“Juzo?” He hummed in response, which you took as a yes.

If he let you use that fancy ass scrub for your illness, you figured the least you could do was share your leave-in treatment. Sharing is caring.

“Here, let me” You attempted to rotate yourself to face him so you could condition his hair too.

He glanced back up from the directions on the back, and you thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Dropping the comb he stammered, trying to maintain eye contact and not look down. He gulped, and all the words he had on the top of his tongue vanished when you plucked the comb from the wet shower floor and placed it on your thigh. You tried to reach a bit to get the conditioner bottle from him. This was a leave in conditioner, so your own (h/l) hair was still plastered down until it “set” for seven minutes. The excess dripped from the ends, down your back and shoulders, giving your body a light sheen. Your bare chest slid against his arm, and the bottle fell with a harsh clatter. He averted his eyes to look anywhere but at you, but it was kinda difficult when you were-

A. Naked

B. Feverish and flushed

C. Half straddling him

D. Covered in copious amounts of wet foam.

“Are you sure? I’m the one that’s supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around,” Your breasts were inches from his face, and Hoenuki swore he could feel his soul leaving his body when he finally had enough, frantically shoving the bottle in your hands.

“Juzo, you’ve helped me so much already, and it’s not even eleven am yet.” And with that he promptly shut his mouth and let you get to work on returning the favor. You squeezed out some onto your hands before rubbing them together. “Turn around and tip your head back- you’re taller than me and I can’t see.”

He normally loved massages (especially if they came from you after a long day of training), and how quickly your skillful hands would put him at ease, but he knew you weren’t really feeling your best today. He didn’t want to push you too far, but the sentiment was still appreciated nonetheless. You obviously couldn’t go for as long or apply as much pressure before your arms got tired and you started to ache a little, but you didn’t mind brushing his long, sandy blond locks. He was still grateful for the little bit that you were able to do, and you wondered how the universe could bless you with someone this sweet.

After seven minutes passed, Honenuki stood up and grabbed the shower head above you and rinsed out your hair, being extra careful to make sure each section was covered, and out of your face with a wide tooth comb in the other hand. You were still seated, and this gave him a bird’s eye view of not just your backside, but your front as well. He swore to himself he was only in to help you out, but fuck, if you weren’t contagious he’d seriously consider taking you right then and there. You peered up at him through wet lashes, and to make matters worse you were nearly eye level with his straining erection. He was almost certain you noticed, but knowing you, you were too kind to comment on it.

Eager to get out before things went south, or- god forbid- he did something impulsive he’d possibly regret, he quickly repeated the process on himself. After you were both rinsed, he switched the lever to “off” and turned to look down at you.

“I’m going to help you stand up, okay?”, his voice was calm, but assertive as he pulled back the curtains and stepped backwards out of the shower. Still seated, you spun around, and moved to push yourself up. You were halfway there when he threw a towel around your back and put his arms under yours. You suddenly felt more self conscious than ever, and as much as you wanted to drool over how toned he had gotten from years in the hero program, you couldn’t help but feel a lingering sense of inadequacy at your own figure. You trembled slightly, fever chills slowly coming back now that the water was off, and your legs shaking like a baby deer.

“Juzo careful, I’m gonna sli-”

Before you could finish your sentence, you slipped on the shower floor and went tumbling forwards. Yet instead of meeting a face full of tile for the second time in the hour, you found yourself leaning into Honenuki’s protective embrace. Your breasts were pressed up against his torso, and you both found yourselves relishing the feeling of fitting together just right.

“You feel more refreshed?” He asked as he wrapped the rest of the thick towel around you.

You nodded, genuinely relieved that you were no longer covered in sweat, vomit, or tears. And you smelled damn good to boot. You still felt sick, but now at least you could heal comfortably.

~ ~ ~

“Your sheets aren’t ready yet, so you can sleep here for a little while.”

You were being carried into his dorm, wearing his fluffy robe that he had lent you after you had freshened up. He was originally just going to lend you some blankets, but he figured you’d be more comfortable in a made bed- that, and he could keep an eye on you. He went to set you down, but instead of letting go, you held onto him tighter. Honenuki glanced down at you, nuzzling into him for comfort and sighing softly. You were still a little bit warm, and your voice was raspy, but you seemed much better than you were just a short while ago. Now that you were showered and medicated (not to mention under the care of someone who’s presence just generally put you at ease no matter what), you felt like you could get better fairly quickly.

You didn’t know what you’d do without Honenuki at your side, and found yourself mumbling “please don’t go yet” when he tried to tuck you in.

Your request caught his attention, and he checked again for confirmation that he heard you correctly.

“You...want me to stay?”, Honenuki asked you curiously, a rosy hue growing on his face. The only response he got was an exhausted hum of approval, and a small nod.

“Am I some sort of alternative medicine? Can’t get enough of me?”, he joked, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorably clingy you were when you were sleepy.

You were too sick to get flustered at his comment, and even if he did call you out on blushing, at least you could use your fever as an excuse.

“Alright, let me get something lighter. I know that robe is comfy, but you’ll bake yourself alive in it.” Reluctantly, you let go so he could go to his dresser drawer and find you some makeshift pajamas.

“I’m a hot snack, sorry. I gotta be wrapped up and baking”, you croaked out, smiling weakly.

It hurt like a bitch, but seeing the amused shake of his head and smiling eyes at your stupid joke was well worth it in your opinion.

He tossed a tee shirt and some boxers in your direction, and you sat up to slip the robe off. Almost immediately he whipped his head away from you so fast, you thought he’d get whiplash. It was rather cute, actually- he had already seen you naked not even ten minutes ago, and had known you for about a third of his life- but the way he cleared his throat and mumbled out a soft apology was one of the sweetest things you’ve seen from him. Your robe hit the ground and you slipped on the shirt first, before you moved to tug up the boxer shorts. Making sure everything was in place, you turned to your best friend. He still had his back to you, but you could see the very tips of his ears flushed scarlet.

Seeing him so flustered was still a relatively new sight to you, but adorable nonetheless. You took a couple seconds after you were dressed to just appreciate the sight before you, committing it to your memory. Honenuki sensed the silence that settled around the room, no longer hearing the shuffling of fabric behind him and cleared his throat before he spoke up.

“You’re all set then?”, for someone who was normally composed you noticed Honenuki’s voice was uncharacteristically shaky, and he still refused to look at you as he had a hand blocking his peripheral line of sight. He was such a gentleman- you almost felt bad for flustering him so much.

“Yeah, thank you Juzo. I don’t have a bra or underwear, but if I’m being honest I think this is more comfortable.” You wanted to slap yourself for oversharing- while this fever was making coherent thoughts and common sense a bit more difficult, you couldn’t help but inwardly cringe at your lack of a filter.

Still, he plopped himself into bed behind you, pulling you into his chest and massaging your back. Your sinuses were still a bit clogged even after the shower, but his hands worked wonders when it came to easing your pain, and it didn’t take long for you to fall into a light slumber. You sighed contentedly, closing your eyes.

He could only hope that after you were fully healed, he’d be able to fully confess his feelings for you, and after how you two interacted that morning, he realized his friends insisting that you felt the same for him might not be so crazy after all. But for now, he just wanted to enjoy this moment, as friends, because your friendship was more than enough for him if it meant he could have moments like these. The day he confessed would come eventually, right? You guys were definitely more than friends, it just wasn’t official yet. Someday, he thought wistfully. Someda-

“Thanks for softening my pain, Juzo. I love you.”

‘...!”

His eyes shot open at that, and he briefly wondered if he heard you correctly. Of course she meant you, idiot. Who else would she be talking to? H e wanted to twirl you around the room with a resounding I love you too! I always have!, he wanted to scream it from the top of the rooftops, and celebrate once and for all, but just as quickly as you had uttered the words, you fell asleep in his arms, and he was certain you could hear his racing heart through his chest. It wasn’t from nervousness however- it was the sheer joy, the anticipation of when he could finally ask you to be not just his best friend but his girlf riend, from relief of knowing you would say yes.

He now had verbal confirmation that you felt the same. The ball was in his court now, and as soon as you got better, he was going to make up for so much lost time. Even though you couldn’t hear him, he pressed his teeth gently to your forehead and held you closer, drawing heart shapes on your back.

“I love you too, (y/n).”

~ ~ ~

Thank you so much for reading this labor of love! I’d love to hear your feedback, and I’m always open to new ideas <3

#my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia x reader #honenuki x reader #juzo honenuki #juzo honenuki x reader #juzo x reader #x reader imagine #bug mom writes #sickfic #tw: vomit #tw: nudity

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treatian · 3 years

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The Chronicles of the Dark One: Breaking the Curse

Chapter 58: Advice From a Salesman to a Believer

He stayed in the little room with August Wayne Booth longer than he should have. Partly because he had nowhere to go. Partly because watching him struggle to get out of his jacket and gloves and get comfortable was entertaining. But he could only sit there and watch him struggle for so long before he had to get up and have mercy on him. Once he'd helped him out of his jacket, he could finally see the extent of the damage. He'd only seen one leg, but he had a feeling both of them were wooden. His belly and torso, also wooden. His left arm up through his shoulder was wooden, and after he got his jacket off, he watched as his right shoulder was slowly enveloped in wood as well. He'd bet it was only a matter of time until his chest, neck, and head followed. And once that happened…

His cell phone rang just after the sun went down and he wasn't surprised when he saw Mark's name on it, but he was nervous. If he was calling over what he thought it was about, it could potentially be life-changing. So he flipped his phone open, managed to mutter an undignified "yeah," and listened.

"Just thought you should know, an ambulance was called to Mary Margaret's apartment not long ago, and they just came rushing out."

"Is it there for Emma?" he asked.

"No…for the boy." He felt himself let out a breath as he glanced over at Booth, who was watching him with interested eyes. He had the feeling that he knew, even though he had yet to announce anything. "The ambulance gathered a crowd, I asked around a bit, they're saying the kid choked on something, but…when they wheeled him by, it doesn't look like a choking to me. Kid was out cold. We're on the way to the hospital now."

He nodded, but if they were on the way to the hospital, then what was done was done. He gave this game he was playing twenty-four hours, at max, to play out the way he wanted it to. If it did, then neither Mark nor Dove would be of any use. If it didn't…then there was certainly nothing more he could do.

"Take the rest of the day off, Mr. Dove. They might be there a while." He only heard a relieved sigh before he snapped the phone closed and glanced back over at Booth, still staring at him with knowing and expecting eyes. "Henry took the curse, and they're on the way to the hospital now where nothing the hospital can do will be able to help him."

"Should I be relieved?" he asked with sarcasm.

The truth? No, he shouldn't. When he'd made the call, Booth had still had use over his right hand. That had gone away in just the time that he'd arrived, barely an hour ago. He doubted that August would make it through the night. So, no…he shouldn't be relieved because he very much so doubted that there was anything to be done for him except wait for the Curse to be broken and hope that the Blue Fairy could turn him human again or that magic coming to Storybrooke would at least bring a puppet back to life. That was a big hope. But he also didn't need to know that, not at a time like this when there was a little boy in the hospital who had just risked everything, his very life, to make sure Emma broke the Curse. He'd never felt the weight of this Curse on his shoulders like he did now.

"There's nothing happy about any of this," he stated indifferently. "I have to get to the shop. There are things I need to do," he stated truthfully. He had stayed far longer than he wanted to already. Now, he needed to be in a place where Emma could find him when, not if, she needed him.

"What about me?" the puppet asked.

"Well, your part is not yet done, Mr. Booth," he sighed. "You see…if Emma starts to believe, first she's going to look toward her allies."

"Mary Margaret?"

"You. Mary Margaret…her mother is a friend, but still Cursed. Emma will seek out answers; she'll try to understand what she believes. You were the one insisting she believe, so she'll come to you first."

"And you want me to what…send her to you?"

If he was still alive and talking…

"That thought had crossed my mind," he smiled. Emma had no idea that he wasn't cursed. In desperation, she might come to him, and he could use that opportunity to reveal himself, but a finger in his direction could work just as well. And when she came to see him, he'd be ready. "We'll get her there, Mr. Booth. One way or another, we'll get her there."

And he would, that was why the moment he returned to his shop, he prepared. He knew his client, and like a good salesman, he wanted to have exactly the tool she was going to need out and ready when she appeared. Fragile as his client was, the last thing he wanted to do was leave her alone or turn his back on her allowing her to lose her nerve and run away.

The "tool" that Emma would need, in her situation, was contained inside a long, thin case. It was dusty. What was inside had really only been touched on one occasion since they had been brought over from the Enchanted Forest. Its original owner had stolen it after being stored in an umbrella stand. After that, he'd had the case fashioned for it and took it off the shelves, keeping it out of sight, waiting for the right person to come in and take it back.

When he heard the bell to his shop chime, his heart jumped at the thought that the right person had finally come for it.

And then he bit back a stutter as he saw that it wasn't exactly what he'd been planning.

Emma had come to see him. But she wasn't alone. She was with Regina.

They entered the shop together, not in a whirlwind or in anger. Instead, they both looked exhausted. That was good. Exhaustion did him little good, but desperation and determination-those could both easily force exhaustion to the side and allow what needed to be done to get done, but…

Together!

It was shocking. He'd always known he needed Regina and Emma to face off to be against one another, but he hadn't expected they might come together! But…

The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was a good thing. Henry was sick, in the hospital. Regina knew the reason why. She'd used magic to put him there. Which meant Regina was doing exactly what he'd thought the Savior might do…she was looking to her allies, namely him. Regina was here to ask for help with magic, to save Henry. And if Emma was with her, instead of at the hospital demanding they fix him with medicine, then that had to mean…she knew.

Better yet. She believed.

Believing meant that she was ready to fetch his potion. He could make that happen. No, it wasn't exactly how he'd pictured it or figured, and yes, Regina might pose a problem, but he could overpower her easily and what would be left in its wake was the same. Magic in Storybrooke. A broken Curse. Emma could do this. And once she did, he could bring magic back. He was closer than he'd ever been; he wasn't about to let a simple thing like shock throw him off.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is that the look of a believer?" he questioned, coming to stand behind the case he'd set out for Emma on his glass countertop.

"We need your help," Emma cried, standing before it perfectly.

"Indeed, you do. It seems quite the tragic ailment has befallen our young friend." He glanced at Regina. "I told you, magic comes with a price."

"Henry shouldn't have to pay it," Regina whispered with something like sadness in her voice.

"No, you should, but alas, we are where we are."

"Can you help us?" Emma interrupted.

"Of course," he stated, turning back to her and offering her his best salesman smile. He'd never felt more like Mr. Gold and Rumpelstiltskin at one time. Considering that was his future if everything worked out, he rather enjoyed that knowledge. "True love, Miss Swan…the only magic powerful enough to transcend realms and break any curse. Luckily for you, I happen to have bottled some."

"You did?" Regina questioned with a mix of astonishment and hopefulness.

"Oh, yes," he breathed, answering Regina without looking at her. He willed himself to stay focused on Emma. "From strands of your parents' hair, I made the most powerful potion in all the realm. So powerful that when I created the Dark Curse, I placed a single drop on the parchment. Just a little safety valve."

It was a half-truth, but to explain the lie to either of them right now would only bring more questions, and he was working on bringing this all to a close by sun up. Besides, it took a few seconds for it to register, but eventually, Emma Swan's eyes widened in understanding, and she gasped, ending any comments he might have made.

"That's why I'm the Savior. That's why I can break the curse."

"Now you're getting it."

"I don't care about breaking the curse. All I care about is saving Henry."

"Which is why it's your lucky day. I didn't use all the potion. I saved some…for a rainy day."

"Well, it's storming like a bitch. Where is it?" she demanded with absolute seriousness in her eyes that had him growing more and more excited by the second. Her parents always had looks like that before they saved the day. So too would she…if she could scramble together their bravery.

"Where it is, isn't the problem. Getting it is what should worry you."

"Enough riddles. What do we do?" Regina asked, raising her voice.

"You do nothing. It has to be Miss Swan." The vision he'd had so long ago only concerned Emma, not Regina. If she tried, she might get in the way, and he hadn't come this far for Regina to ruin it all.

"He's my son. It should be me."

"All due respect, but it's her son. And it has to be her," he stressed, making something up last minute. He knew how Regina worked. If she thought there was reasoning behind it, then she wouldn't risk Henry. "She's the product of the magic. She must be the one to find it."

"I can do it," Emma nodded.

"Don't trust him!" Regina insisted.

"What choice do we have?" the Savior argued.

"That's right, dearie. What choice do you have?" he argued right along with her.

"Where is this magic?" Emma interrupted again, refereeing their war of words as if she were their parent instead of Henry's.

"Tell me, Your Majesty," he pondered, looking over at Regina, a smile growing on his face, "is our friend still in the basement?"

Her face shifted and morphed. For a brief second, the anger she had toward him melted into confusion as she considered what he'd just said, then twisted into shock and horror as she realized exactly what he was talking about, all before coming back to anger, an appropriate expression, once again.

"Oh, you twisted little imp!" she gaped. "You hid it with her?!"

"Oh, no, no. Not with her," he corrected. "In her. I knew you couldn't resist bringing her over."

"Who is 'her'?" Emma asked, ignoring Regina and staring at him for answers. That was the result of a lack of trust between the two women. It was worth noting for later if this turned out the way that he thought it would.

"Someone you should be prepared for," he answered, wiping a cloth over the case that had been settled between them before tossing it aside and placing his hand on it, preparing them for the Grand Reveal. "Where you're going, you're going to need this."

And then he opened it. Emma looked inside the case. To her credit, she didn't gasp or ogle it. Instead, she reacted like he would expect a skeptic to react. She stared down at it with a look that suggested he had to be joking, but he wasn't.

"What is that?" she finally asked with a growl, as if she knew but didn't want her suspicion to be true.

Emma might have been a woman of this world, but a dragon was a monster of theirs. She wouldn't beat the creature with a gun. She needed a weapon from their world, which had already proved itself against a fearsome beast of this kind. She needed a sword. And since she didn't have any "family heirlooms," well…it was a good thing he had a few for her.

"Your father's sword…"

He expected Emma Swan to argue, to scoff at the sword or put up some kind of fight at the suggestion she use a sword. She was a believer, but she was still a new believer. She would cling to what she knew before surrendering to something uncertain. But he knew better than anyone that the love a parent had for a child, especially one who was hurt or hurting, could be stronger than anything in this or any other world. Perhaps that was what made her utter a strained "fine."

"What do I have to do?"

"Retrieve an egg," he answered.

"An egg?"

"Not a real one. The potion is protected by a golden egg of my own fashioning. Your father hid it inside the dragon shortly before waking your mother from the same Curse that currently holds your son captive. A Curse created by the same woman, if I might add." His gaze slid to Regina. "Same apple too, I imagine. Yes, your Majesty?"

Regina let out a short, irritated sigh that confirmed his suspicion. "Get the golden egg, and we get the potion, is that all?" she questioned. "Are we done here? Any other helpful tips?"

He smiled. "None that I can think of at the moment, but one never knows."

"Thanks," Regina drawled sarcastically. When she turned to go, Emma caught the action and made a step to go after her before glancing back at the sword. With Regina on her way out, she unceremoniously reached into the case, removed sword and sheath in one fluid motion, then united the two as she hollered Regina's name and followed her out the door.

#Rumbelle #Rumple #Rumpelstiltskin #Dark One #mr gold #Henry Mills #Regina Mills #Evil Queen #Emma Swan #August w booth #Pinocchio #ouat #ouat fanfiction #fanfic

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iguessishouldbethankful · 4 years

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Sly Cooper 1 Review:

As in, I recently completed the game and since I was asked to, I will give my review on it. I’m a little nervous because this is the first time I’m doing this, so hopefully I’ll get this right.

KEEP IN MIND: I did not grow up with this series, and I am going in after @oroanillado gifted me the entire series for the PS3. I am a new fan who basically grew up on Nintendo products, so my views might come off differently.

ALSO: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Onto the review.

0. Initial Reaction:::::::::::::::::::::::::

I was pretty surprised how the game collection required no download or installation. So that was a good little bonus as I could immediately sit down and play it without much of a wait. As for the starting point on top of the roof... lemmie say that Sly is adorable at first glance. His movements are fluid and it’s very satisfying to control him--especially the fact that he has a bass sound to his steps that is beyond addictive. I love it.

Not to mention the music is nice. Not exactly as memorable, but I can listen to it and it does give the area a feel.

And then Bentley opened his mouth. Whew boy. Okay. Rok heard my live commentary every time he opened his mouth, so it’ll be a theme. It wasn’t that bad at first though so it’s mostly me wanting to explore the Police Station. It’s mostly a tutorial level so it’s nothing impressive, just giving the feels.

When Carmelita showed up, like expected, I was stunned by two things: she owns an extra fancy taser gun, and that slow as fuck taser gun is able to cause the destruction of public and private property as a massive scale. Ma’am, can we talk? Can you not blow up the cars?? LADY-

As for the comic style animation? Yes, perfect. I was looking forward to it and was not disappointed. I love the cartoony look it gives to the whole world. Which is something else I noticed--the feel and look of the game is very much like the love child of Banjo Kazooie and Psychonauts. The colors and collectathon.

Also the character motivations for Sly, Bentley and Murray are believable. All are orphans, and Sly saw his family get killed but the bad guys and the family book of thieves stolen. Carmelita? Eh, wish I had more context to her but good cop trying to catch the robber is good enough.

Note: I had no idea Carmelita was actually someone that worked for Interpol. My dumbass thought she was just a French cop. The more you know.

As for the hub safehouse area, it’s simple and direct to the point.

Okay. We good? Now onto the levels.

1. Tide of Terror:::::::::::::::::::

Sly dies in one shot.

No. This was okay. I was determined to find out how I could get around this. I explored the initial open area, collecting the coins and trying to get the bottles because I knew that the point of the games was to collect all pages, right? So I needed the bottles to get the clues so Bentley could give me the code. Thing is, I ran into a few problems on the get go. BESIDES SLY BEING A ONE HIT WONDERBOY.

I didn’t know I could pimp whack enemies with the cane. So I see this walrus looking mofo just hammering away on a boat and I’m like... How do I not aggro this dude. Keep to myself, reach areas I new I could jump to, and... OH FUCK THERE ARE BOTTLES ON THAT BOAT GOD DAMN IT! Fine. Let’s sneak in. By sneak I mean run around the walrus and realize that the guy just sees me and hammers harder. What? Okay then he doesn’t chase me. Get the bottles, realize after 5 minutes that Sly’s pimp ass cane can in fact obliterate the ship’s pole to get the last bottle, before trying to confront the walrus.

So I died the first time. Then I smacked him. You know, for a one hit wonder as Sly is, I appreciate that the enemies are the same as well. That balanced everything out and not made it a colorful furry version of Dark Souls. So off I go. Up the ladder and jumping right into the second area where there are search lights. I’m like okay, let me go around these and--

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ROSE BUSH KILLED SLY?!

GOD DAMN IT!!

Yes, a lot of this happened. It has been a while since I played a colorful game like this and I a lot of this is simple designing that is obvious, but I am also someone that enjoys finding other ways to get around them. So many choices in the game seems nonsensical. A raccoon unable to brush by some thorn bushes was rather hilarious. I was basically fussing at full volume while Rok was laughing at me. Which was good, I meant to be hilarious.

I discovered the wonders that were the search lights and that they are easily turned off in the small sections. That I could in fact dodge most attacks from the minor enemy characters. Realized that this damn raccoon cannot swim to save his damn life. LITERALLY.

kjsdbkjsd And then I realized that I was missing quite a few bottles once I got to the end. I was frustrated. I wanted to get them all already. So I went back and tried figuring out how to get them and I SWEAR TO GOD I CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT THE SAFE WITHOUT BENTLEY GOING “YOU DON’T HAVE THE BOTTLES NEEDED TO OPEN IT U-”

Bro. Bro I know. Bro please.

Shut the fuck up.

Got the bottles and moved on. Found out that I absolutely adore Sly being in a barrel and wanted to take that barrel with me everywhere but I couldn’t. Realized that Sly puts come paper cuts outs of his emblem in opened up safes and--can we talk about this? Does Sly just sit in his room with colored craft paper and cuts these out every night? Does he redo them if one comes out funky? Does he get glittery paper or is it like the kiddy kind? Does he do them in the van? Is it with scissors or an x-acto knife?! How do you make these bro you don’t simply walk into a FedEx’s Kinkos to print these out!

Anyway, I’m learning more tricks as I go along, getting all of the keys and bottles and I do go back to each stage to get all of the damn bottles because I am not leaving one behind because I really want all of the pages. I am also seeing all of the death animations Sly does and honestly, the humor in each of them is not lost on me at all. I adore them. The first time I saw him just realizing he’s gonna fall to his death and he just-

I busted laughing so hard and Rok got to hear me lmao oh my god-- But for real, most of his death animations are strangely adorable in my opinion. Especially when he just falls and his little leg twitches. They never made animations like that for other games I played so far (not even for Banjo Kazooie). And the lightness of everything makes it less frustration in my opinion. As though I had no problem if Sly died along the way. Whereas I would get way more frustrated with how Mario or Banjo would die.

Anyway those are my tidbits. But lemmie tell you something.Once I got to the last stage where I needed to get the 7 keys to access the final boss? There’s a treasure chest with crabs mini games.

FUCK. THAT. GAME.

The only reason I got through it was because I’m stubborn and I distracted my frustrations in my chat with Rok as I had this damn raccoon swim around in a submarine, killing about 100 crustaceans just for 40 chests!! 40! Not a normal number like 20 or 25. No. 40. That drove me nuts for some reason.

Anyway, finally got to the final boss after I collected all the horseshoes and lives around the main hub of the level, and then yeeted Sly from the canon ALA Wind Waker style.

Raleigh is freaking gross. Not in voice, but his animation made me feel really nasty with looking at him, which in my opinion was a good visual design and motivator to get rid of him faster. It was also easy to sort of find out what the boss fight was requiring from me in the end--making it so much easier as well. I guess for a kid it’s a bit more difficult and I can understand that. I just enjoyed the fights for having a repetitive nature that was satisfying. Like even if I died many times, the game didn’t throw me all the way out of the level at all. It restarted the fight from the beginning and that, to me, was a good way to introduce me to the entire function of a Sly Cooper 1 boss fight.

I felt happy when I defeated Raleigh. And of course, Sly isn’t a “killer” so froggo dude is still alive, just in prison after “HOT LATIN FOX LADY” caught him. Of course. Can someone tell me where Carmelita is from? Is she Spanish or Mexican or..? Like was that defined by the games or was it thrown up in the air?

Anyway, onto the next level.

2. Sunset Snake Eyes:::::::::::::::::::::

Lemmie just say that I actually enjoyed Mugshot’s backstory? It made me feel really sympathetic towards him in a way.... Despite him being a murderer but you know. It was a nice touch.

Okay so, are any of you familiar with the whole “Mickey Mouse is taking his dog Pluto for a walk” dilemma? Well, I had a moment like that as well in this section. Why? Because Mugshot has feral dogs all over his turf and that messes me up a lot for some reason. Like I always wondered how, evolutionary wise, can an anthro dog and a feral dog look so similar? I had a moment like that as well when reading Farewell, Beloved Falco. There was a feral pig in that comic and it bother the fuck out of me. But it didn’t impede me from playing the game.

The look was very much classical American desert wasteland in the middle of nowhere. Possibly southwest USA if I were to guess, and I liked the feel of the casinos and run down RVs, trailers and cars. However it made me question why this place was a junkyard almost if he kinda has a functioning casino. For Raleigh I could understand because it was a hideout, you do what you can right? Even if you have a fucking floating metal blimp over your hideout, like that won’t catch military attention at all, nooooooo--

But like, an abandoned casino suggests that it was once owned by the mafia or a mob, and just--Okay. Police regulations and gun control. Etc etc, I’m rambling on about things that have nothing to do with the game. Back to the design.

Again, collecting all the bottles like a desperate AA member that needs a hit for old times sake and running back to open up the safe. Can I just say that the names of each Cooper ancestor is rather amusing? Like some have the most dumb but adorable names. Huckleberry Cooper jfc--

And once I got into the main hub, I got my first taste of the “Murray can’t think without his stomach thus gets himself in trouble and needs to race his Moon Rover turned into a Van to win one of the keys” mini game and “Bentley told me I gotta keep you alive as you run through this area full of trigger happy criminals, Murray, plEASE STOP RUNNING IN FRONT OF MY BULLETS MURRAY-” mini game. Nice. Not as bad as the 40 treasure chests crabs.

Also, why would Mugshot or his minions just leave a red sports car running on reverse for days on end?? Anyway.

The inside of the casino was a nice section to play ngl. I enjoyed that a lot. The platforming too, despite some of the bottles being utterly difficult to get without having to die and do the entire section again to get them. And then comes the level when Carmelita decides to destroy private property because she’s after this dumbass raccoon. I wonder how she felt seeing him jump around back and forth breaking bottles and dodging her SLOW AS FUCK TASER GUN.

“Could you stand still?!”

“Nope. Not my fault you couldn’t get a license for a firearm.”

Finally I got to the Mugshot boss fight and like the first one, it was a very satisfying fight. Mugshot had me in stitches because he walked around with his long ass arms instead of his legs at first like lmao! Also once I got to the final third stage, I was all cautious and excite to jump around the wires. Yessss.

Defeated, all bottles collected, Carmelita caught this villain as well, and off we go... stealing shit from the USA before coming back to the Safehouse? Alrighty then.

3. Vicious Voodoo:::::::::::::::

Let me tell you something about myself. I have an intense love for Voodoo in video games. Started with Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Father, Princess and the Frog and I had an intense call back to one of the swamp areas of Banjo Kazooie in this level.

So basically, this is my favorite level.

I think it’s also the level where I argued the most with Bentley as well. Or at least the second one because, since the very first game, he keeps repeating the same obvious commands all the time with a constant reminder of press the O button. Sly? Sly?? SLY! PRESS THE O BUTTON! Bentley? You’re cute, but you gotta stop my dude.

The sliding effect on the long branches was a lot of fun, the tree enemies that had more than one hit kills were also satisfying to beat the shit out of. I also enjoyed the general murky color of the level in general. Just the spooky was definitely my aesthetic. You know what wasn’t my aesthetic? The first mini game I ran into, which was the candle mini game where Bentley would repeat himself all the time right at the start of if you had to restart the level. I muted the entire thing and had Sly mindlessly killing the fishes to turn on the candles while blabbing to Rok on the phone so it was easier for me not to get nervous about the time limit or the amount of candles I had to turn on. It was the same thing with the Chicken Gumbo mini game, but I didn’t mute that one. Because Bentley stayed quiet.

Also, @oroanillado is the biggest troll. I was on the beast section of the game and they did not describe to me what it was like. So I’m honestly not expecting much at all, just wanted to grab my bottles and go. Once I’m halfway though, and I already saw the water moving around I’m having Amnesia the Dark Descent flashbacks like OH SHIT OH FUK O Shi- But no. No. What got to me was... This intensely huge serpent coming out of the water and chasing me and my camera kept pointing BACK instead of pointing forward so I could navigate Sly out of that mess while also getting the fucking bottles along the way!!

I was shrieking!! I have an acute fear of things that are larger than normal (it’s connected to my Agoraphobia). I have that with whales and sharks and fish, so I usually avoid big mobs if possible in any game. Yes, including the 3 mythical dragons from Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. @thekursedone-lylat was present when I was freaking out about saving Naydra and how huge it was. But at the same time I have a big fear of these sorts of creatures, I was laughing and cursing at the end of the level because honestly, Rok was having a good time and so was I.

Oh yes, also the other mini game where I had to navigate the same speed boat thingy and shoot down the on coming ghosts and flaming rocks was pretty annoying until I figured out I needed to destroy the pillars where the ghosts came from. Then it was easy.

But my absolute favorite section of this whole level was the Green Water Full of Body Parts and Bones. Bentley was losing his shit at the beginning of the level and I would accidentally yeet Sly into the water of decomposing bodies like yeah, yeah the turtle won’t like the smell of this. It was just a well designed level, so I had no problems having to redo it to get all the bottles again and again.

Now, the boss fight? I was warned about this ahead of time so I had to unfortunately put Mz. Ruby on mute so I would concentrate on her attacks but apparently they were supposed to go with the rhythm of the song and the Sly Cooper Collection messed that up? I think she was the only Boss I was really wanting to listen to as she talked because she was giving me good “yeah I’m bad, probably not the best one in the group, but I don’t care I’mma own up to it so try to dodge my attacks as best you can” vibes. It was also entertaining to see Sly go Neo with some of the commands.

All bottles collected and onto Winter in China.

4. Fire in the Sky::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Oh hey look, fireworks!

.....oh.

Surprisingly, this entire stage was rather meh to me? It worked like the others, felt like the others, but I really wasn’t as wowed by it. It might also be just the fact that I mostly saw white in general due to the snow, and spent most of my time looking for a few bottles on one section that really irritated me. Like I legitimately got mad in one section and didn’t want to deal with it because of the noises some of the monkeys were making.

This section. I hated it so much because I thought the bottles I was missing were in here and 2 of them were but I needed hints for it. Argh... Everything else in this section was pretty much a blur for me besides the two mini games with Murray, and the one level where Carmlita came back again, destroying more private and ancient property with her taser gun--and the main reason I remember this was because:

Carmelita saying she was going to catch criminal scum Sly and Sly just went “you really need to get woke, I’m not the bad guy here.”

I collected all the bottles but Bentley told me I had to defeat Clockwerk before I could open this damn safe, and it was the only one requiring this!!

Carmelita went down with the dragon statue, into the hypothermia levels of cold water while shaking her fist into the sky.

I will say the part of Sly and Bentley discussing the whole mechanics of Sly taking the rockets into Panda’s lair was pretty funny tho. Just,

Bentley: Hey you might be able to reach the top of the tower before these explode.

Sly: Okay but what if they explode before I get there?

Bentley: Then I guess you’ll blow up into many pieces.

Sly:

As for the Panda King boss fight, it was okay. I just kept running in circles around the arena while approaching the dude. Defeated him and was like okay, I really need to go and defeat Clockwerk now so I can open that safe.

5. The Cold Heart of Hate:::::::::::::::::::

Look.

I get Sly probably weighs next to nothing, Murray, but could you at least break once Sly gets knocked off the top of the van? Or when the rocks are falling down towards us, maybe also step on the breaks so not everyone is being driven to their ultimate death?

No?

Okay.

I will say, I headcanon that both Bentley and Sly were getting an intense case of whiplash when Murray was driving that van around at 120 MPH collecting all 60 computers because... Bentley needed those to hack into something??? It wasn’t as bad as the 40 crabs and treasure chests but man. And then of course there’s the section where, oh surprise surprise, Carmelita is in an obvious trap, slamming her fist on the glass, needing to be saved. Bentley warned Sly it was a trap. But of course Sly is like:

OH THANK GOD THE BARREL IS BACK.

Anyway, obvious trap is an obvious trap. Carm just bitches at Sly right as he gets stuck in the glass chamber and is sprayed with RAID. So Bentley has to save his ass. This is possibly the mini game I dislike the most. I just put Bentley on constantly circling mode as he shot down the targets.I died about 9000 times before I won.

Carmen is all Oh I was wrong about you the whole time Sly!

Sly: Duh.

And off we go to the next section where Sly lost his cane and he needs to recover it with Carm’s help. So I’m controlling Carm’s taser gun. Guess how many times I purposefully killed Sly? Many. For funsies. Because the gun magically got faster once I was behind the trigger.

Next section was the whole climb up the beam tower as it’s being consumed by lava! I very much enjoyed this whole climbing bit. It was fun. Again, died a lot and I actually glitched through the walls because I jumped somewhere I wasn’t supposed to and had to kill Sly along the way. But still very fun.

FINALLY.

CLOCKWERK.

Are we serious? Are we actually serious right now? Clockwerk had absolutely no motivation beyond ultimate hate? WHAT?! That’s just... not a satisfying reason ngl. Anyway, the jetpack flying section was probably the easiest thing ever and I loved it. What I didn’t like was the laser section that came after it... I kept dying. Again. FUCK. THOSE. LASERS.

Clockwerk speaking random little words while malfunctioning was super cute those. I don’t why, but I loved it. I was shrieking by the end of everything though because once I got right at the back end, where I’m supposed to jump on this mad owl, I was not expecting the head to jump on me. HHHHHHH!!!

Anyway, I killed Clockwerk dead. Back into the lava you go. Witnessed Sly give Carmelita the slip of the tongue and handcuffed her onto a railing over an active volcano before yeeting himself. Classy. Then back to his old tricks again with the gang. End credits.

NO WAIT.

The last chest. In the Panda section. Yeah I went back for that and got the extra ending.

0. MY RATING::::::::::::::::::::

Honestly, 8 trashcans out of 10. If Clockwerk actually had a believable motive besides hate, I’d give it a higher rating. But the game is satisfying and I love the mechanics of it.

Bentley just needs to chill the fuck up tho. God.

#sly cooper #sly cooper reviews #peep peep #long post

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spooner-the-trinity · 4 years

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How Infinity Train pulled from Infinity War’s Playbook for Doctor Who’s final curtain

Funding for Shaffrilas is provided by: Skillshare, the sponsor of today’s video. Stay tuned for a train ride to discountkosh at the end of the video.

O hai, Tetsuya Nomura. That’s a nice hole you’re digging with your Kingdom Hearts, what do you wanna do with it? Keep digging? Why thou? O for a production company? That’s great, whacha gonna do with it? Name and develop the town the Toy Story flicks take place in? Yeah, alright. Add the goofy jock from Glee as a best friend for Andy that the Triceratops assumes is just a Dinosaur Toy down the street? What a funny joke idea! Nix the final playtime they’ve hoped to cap off the film with and save it for a later project? A tad disappointing, but alright. Make Sora a vessel for Xehanort? Whoa, that sounds hella har- A sexy Genie of the Rose who grants a wish for every petal on that collar-mounted rose of hers? Unique concept, but I smell some Hans Christian Anderson shi- The genie’s life force is bound to the Rose so she croaks when the last petal falls ala Beauty and the Beast? And there it is, Color me unsurpri- The Genie finds Andy and drags him into a sex scene to the tune of Aladdin’s Friend Like Me? I don’t think the parents would be okay with their kids watchi- Toonami’s airing this show? Wait, isn’t it on a competing networ- Lewis from Meet the Robinsons is Deleted by DOR-15 Ala the Nanobots from Jimmy Neutron? Mister Enter would be insulted on how you did his favorite Disney flick dirty like thi- Andy is shot into a wormhole and is mutated into a photosensitive Beast? Guys, It’s starting to look like a bad ide- The Genie is an aged-up Bonnie and she’s pregnant with Shantae!? Get me off this crazy tr-

Infinity Train Productions is one of the boldest associates Disney has in its corner right now, from wrestling away ownership of three Gainax originals to collaborating with competing animation company Dreamworks, the IT guys are pretty renowned for their kooky crossovers and kookier cinematic universe. And they’ve made sure to make their acquired goods count towards that universe instead of burn it to the ground LUCASFILM. Starting off by stating this is a universe where Second Impact prevented the assassination of JFK by means of tanging up 13% of the world’s population and weaved a few stitches of train tracks across the globe, naturally the space race escalates exponentially and they begin to develop new technologies and elect Walt Disney himself to be the President of the United States with Nixon as his running mate. That alone resulted in a Sequel Show to Brigadoon where a 24-year-old Marin Asagi boards the Challenger and ends up cast into the future with Melan, a retelling of the first arc of Gurren Lagann that featured Yui Ikari as a supporting character that saves Kamina from death, a twenty-six episode miniseries featuring Andy from the Toy Story gaining a magical genie bound to an enchanted rose, and that’s just the first half of its initial decade. I could go on about its repertoire of shows both original and acquired: Twelve Forever, Evangelion, both Arcadia trilogies with the elder of the two being started by the aformentioned show with that genie of the rose titled, erm… Genie of the Rose, but the one I’m aiming my sights on is the latest acquisition, one that they made in secret. Doctor Who and how they pulled from the playbook of Infinity War to bring the story to its last stop.

Now, quick recap on how Infinity War makes a powerfully heartfelt mass market appeal joyride out of a thoroughly depressing story about failure. Where most Marvel Villains are merely obstacles for the characters to overcome, Thanos acts and reacts as a real person. Where most conflict have certain factors that tip the scales in the favor of who’s tipping them, the conflict is one where either side could come out victorious, where the Comedy of the Last Farcebender ended with the good guys laughing off their failure, Infinity War ended with a content smile from Thanos and our heroes dead silent save for a minor peep of: “Oh, god.” Where the bad decisions in Farcebender are made from genuine stupidity, Infinity War’s stem from worrying whether or not certain sacrifices are worth it. With that crash course out of the way, let’s dig in.

First thing’s first, is the villain a compelling character? Well, although Sacha Dhawan has the same unhinged energy expected out of any incarnation of longtime enemy, the Master, complete with moments of geniuine affection to his former best beff, he’s ultimately not the main baddie of this piece, that honor goes to Alrick. Believed to be dead after a dirtbike accident, it turns out that he had been picked up by the train and has spent a good three decades or so fucking with the systems to construct an empire starting with the crazy world of Elmore all the way to the Lanes Between and yes, he has shown himself to be a caring father figure to Grace and Simon throughout the second half of Cracked Reflections which leads into the episode, he’s concerned for his future as he’s clearly not as lively as he was when he first climbed aboard and even expresses hope for Jesse returning to the train after taking the exit and getting seperated from MT. And oh, look! He returns after the big moment, that’s nice.

So yeah, compelling villain, that’s one tick. Is there equal opportunity for either side to win? Well, MT and early on Jesse before his aformentioned exit have the additional assistance of the Watterson family, Banana Joe, and seemingly Penny for a scene only to reveal her in a new shell complete with mind-control and reflective surface to sick the Po-Po on MT. But despite being the protagonist of his show of origin, she’s not the opposing side to Alrick this time around, it’s the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey biatch herself and man, does it set up a curious comparison. Alrick is focusing his will into projecting his consciousness into the Doctor’s heart, an alien with countless eons worth of memories under her belt compared to Alrick’s measly sixtysomeodd laps around the sun. Not only that, but the Doctor is able to expel regeneration energy to fry the shit out of him if he feels the need to get a little messy. But with her locked up in the Time Lord Matrix which the Master has already skimmed through, there’s nowhere for the Doctor to run or even hide from Alrick. Throw in the Master’s ability to have his mind occupy two hearts at the same time whilst he’s chatting it up with the Lone Cyberman and the Doctor’s pretty pinned but still has a chance to outfox Alrick at the end of it all.

Bad decisions, the Doctor doesn’t trade lives so she keeps asking about the Timeless Child, what it’s supposed to be and why it drove the Master into absolutely butchering Galifrey after all the hard work each incarnation of the Doctor had. It turns out that this Timeless Child was a Pheonix Denizen created by Alrick to create a perfect world but One-One cast it out in hard-light beam form, striking Takeru and Ryou from This Ugly Yet Beautiful World from 2018. From the clipped wings came Hikari and Akari respectively whilst the main body crashed out of a wormhole into the sights of Tecteun who adopted the kid in time for a spaceship of highly-evolved snake people to crash land due to Kate and Leopold rules of time travel causing their machinery to get mucked up by Time Police in an episode of Rick and Morty of all shows, causing the child to fall to its doom and promptly regenerate, making her the first to do so in Galifreyan history. One of the survivors offers the gift of Time Travel in exchange for the power of Regeneration and Tecteun, scientist and explorer, jumps at the chance by means of tearing out the child’s soul for every three days that elapse. Obviously, she’s a fucking monster and she eventually does crack the code and test it on herself and the results allow the gift of time travel to bestowed upon the newly minted Timelords by Omega. Wow, all of this from a formally great show, (Doofenshmertz: what are the odds.) The Doctor is obviously unsurprised that Omega dangled the keys to time travel over the heads of the Shobagan race, but what horrifies her is that the very thing she and every other Time Lord we’ve seen had taken for granted was pilfered from a denizen that she learns after the life of abuse was created by some dude who hijacked some Train Car manufacturing equipment to build a perfect world. And it’s here where we see the main lynchpin of Alrick’s character: Perfection.

Those of you who’ve seen the whole series of Cracked Reflections will know that Alrick is an obsessive perfectionist first and foremost hence the plan to transform every Denizen of Elmore into full-blooded humans with leftover energy from this same Timeless Child. But not many of us recognize that this is only part of Alrick’s shtick. A simple man with complicated motives, a futurist in the trade of nostalgia, a conservative obsessed with progress, a gentle mentor with an impatient temper. These are just a handful of the ways to describe Walt Disney that were used by Ben Bouqulet, Mic Graves, and Owen Dennis to depict Alrick over the course of the last two seasons of Gumball leading into Cracked Reflections and Garrick Hagon truly gives his all portraying all the various shades of this man especially here when he is sharing his story of how he created a literal god only for One-One to cast it aside upon regaining control of the train from the very woman he spent the past 33 years building a perfect world for, a woman he cherishes like his older sister cherished his girlhood friend, a woman that even now still believes him to be ‘One-One: Gone forever?’ That is some next level tragic shit right there.

Of course, the Doctor is still concerned for this child and it’s here where a familiar face crashes the party to let the cat out of the bag, Morbius from the Fourth Doctor Adventure Brain of Morbius outing himself as the infamous Timeless Child as well as harboring his disembodied heart in the Doctor after his ill-fated Mindbending Battle. This swerve may have served to provide added tension towards his motives, is he really wanting to go back to his home and views traveling with the Doctor as his only way there, or is he biding his time, waiting for his chance to overwhelm the Doctor when she’s not looking. As we see more of Morby’s checkered past in excruciating detail, slavery to the Division with everything down to his personality programmed and dictated into a mind-melded Morby by an enigmatic cult dubbed ‘The Master Writers’ An organization build solely and specifically for Infinity Train Productions to use in their portfolio of works. And when they were done with their enslaved progenetor, the Division in which they served lined him up for an execution from the Fugitive Doctor, during the 2nd Doctor’s orientation. Then they promptly merc poor Ruthie to regenerate her into the 3rd Doctor, closing the gap between Troughton and Pertwee. So yeah, The Division, they’re run by total assholes and Numero Dos only agrees to work there if his first assistant is longtime companion Jamie McCrimmon. But look at his face, does this look like the face of concent and tolerance to you? ‘Joe (Help, I’m a Fish!): Of course not!’ Props to Sam the Man with a Plan Troughton for filling his father’s shoes in this emotionally tense scene. And this ain’t the chilling twist that shocked the fandom.

Alrick: “Whoever harbors the heart of the child is the child in of itself.“

Doctor: “Wot?”

Alrick: “It means that I will have my prize whether you like it or not!” (Punches through the Doctor’s Chest, crushes the Smash Ball within, causing the Doctor to turn into a pheonix before dissipating into Alrick’s body with the Smash Ball. Alrick’s Number skyrockets as his body regresses to his prime, the man laughing maniacally as the Timeless Child’s ultimate power rushes into him)

So yeah, Morby’s been reconstituting his powers over the centuries the Doctor had lived hence the golden energy during the later regenerations. How we find this out is by the titular character of the BBC’s last remaining reason towards that sweet TV Licence Money getting outright merced by Alrick in front of a guy that deep down still admires his childhood friend. This closes out An Untimely Caviat, the final episode in Doctor Who’s revived series, and leads us right into the finale of Cracked Reflection where he goes full on Disney Villain. Mercing the Master to make him a conduit to gijinkafy the entirety of Elmore, Co-Opting his Cybermaster drones as a mechanical army, ludiccrous speed incubating a pocket-dimension frog to house the Train Cars his empire had conquered via that same energy he channeled through the aformentioned Master, yeah, this does not sound like the man Amelia planned to marry if not had already married outright. Well, that’s the point. He’s drunk with power, it’s more likely that this is his ambition talking. No doubt he’s relishing in his own arrogance much to Marnie’s horror. Oh, yeah, Old Marnie’s doing her astral projection thing to react to her younger brother’s madness and watches on as MT gets roughed up by Super Alrick in front of an audience of his adopted children.

Of course, MT does find some santuary in the Number Car and re-unites with Jesse, resulting in the now sempailess Agent Sieve phasing through the glass screen whilst the train is figuring out how to solve Jesse’s seemingly unsolvable problem of getting a denizen off the train. But that just gives the Fleck some time to witness the madness of this rumored Apex fella as he ankleholds MT and gijinkafies Gumball and Darwin to demonstrate his final offer, her response is to break out a Denizen Ex Machina by prompting Alan Dracula to slice the monkeyfigher in half, causing him to regenerate into a pair of innocent, mindless little babies that will never bother anyone ever again… The Crown grieve for their master, Sieve calls off the manhunt for the rouge slither, the companions go their seperate ways with Graham staying on Earth to deliver the bad news the two youngest raising the two babies up to the Doctor’s standard… or at least one of them due to Yaz getting arrested by a Judoon Platoon before she could legally adopt Zarc. The expression of the companions are grim, and rightfully so, the one guy-or-gal that has kept the 21st century from falling into tyranny is no longer around to do the job they enjoyed doing whenever there was a sitch to see through. But after the wide shot of Yaz getting locked up in Shada we cut to MT, off the train and safe with Jesse in Arizona. Jesse’s brother Nate comes up to find his older brother with the very Chrome Girl he met on a magical train, Nate asks for the girl’s name and her answer?

Jesse: Dracula 2?

MT: (looks to the Lake, concerned that the Flecks would come after her but eases up when its clear that there are no Flecks coming.) I’m Lake.

We get a nice little callback to close out the series as the song Kibō plays in the credits, indicating that Hope is still out there in the cosmos, Doctor or No Doctor. And that is a powerful message to send to the audience and I have a pretty good feeling that whether or not the Doctor ends up getting revived in Kingdom Hearts III alongside all the absent heroes that Infinity Train productions had raked in over the years doesn’t quite matter, the studio does not need Doctor Who and its universe does not need the Doctor. And I have a pretty good feeling that the Doc may end up giving up their ticket back into the land of the living, leaving the universe to all the other champions of the cosmos that Toonami has flaunted over the decades. The Doctor has overcome many frightening, haunting, tyrannical, violent and downright Orwellian things in life and man, oh, man have we got a whole plate of them to overcome even now. Would I go back to this expansive world for further analysis, sure, if the views get gud. But the impact of the Doctor’s Death is a pretty big deal that actually caught a bunch of us by surprise despite the minor hints scattered throughout. (One-One: All aboard for emotional maturation on the finest freighter in all of Trenzalore) The Destiny of the Doctor News heard around the world, and the outpour of memories and grief rivalling even Mr. Peanut but unlike the legendary legume, our favorite timelord will probably be gone for a lot longer than just a couple of weeks and the time it takes will show how deep the rabbit hole goes. It will also show who’s willing to step up and find ways to make a difference in the lives of others, and they’re going to need to learn a thing or two to do so. (Cletus from the Simpsons Movie with the Skillshare Logo slapped onto his face in post: My time to shine.)

#schaffrillas productions #Doctor Who #Infinity Train #The Amazing World of Gumball #Timeless Child #Alrick #submission

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lexikomclexakru · 4 years

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HI HELLO WELCOME BACK TO THE ADVENTURES OF LEXI BEING A DUMB LESBIAN PART TWELVE: QUARANTINE EDITION! It’s been a minute kids I’ve missed doing this! (also hello to the possibly one person who reads this thanks for joining me on this journey of my being a disaster gay I really appreciate it)

So today y’all are getting two updates in one because I was lazy last week and nothing really happened so I just didn’t post anything but it’s important to the plot of this production that is my life that you know Coffee Destroyer has now been promoted from enemy to actual friend. Last week I finally got to go in to Barnes and Noble for the first time in two months to get my traditional Friday drink. I walked in excited because the possibility of seeing Coffee Girl again had me literally bouncing. As per usual I dove behind the magazines to muster up the courage to go up there but alas when I turned the corner she was nowhere in sight. Instead Coffee Destroyer was there and as disappointed as I was the fact that I got just a tiny bit of my normal routine back made me go up to her instead of leaving like I always do. I feel like her title in these updates should change but I haven’t thought of anything yet so suggestions are welcome thanks. Anyways I ordered, we talked, she complimented me on my name, and then she made a picture perfect drink that tasted amazing. And when I say picture perfect I mean that’s what they should use to advertise because damn. She even asked to take a picture she was so proud it was cute. So now I like her and will no longer flee the store when I see her. That brings us to today. I was prepared this time. Last week I left my house in running shorts and a t-shirt because it’s summer here and I only wear black or gray running shorts and t-shirts that I have acquired while on vacation during this season. Today however I got up, showered, picked out a cute tank and some fun denim shorts, did my makeup, and put actual jewelry on. And boy was I happy that I did all of that because as soon as I walked in the door there she was looking as beautiful as ever. I was so excited I didn’t even hide I just went up to the counter like a damn woman I don’t know who I was in that moment but I need her to pop in more often. She was with a customer and as I stood in line my hands started shaking and I looked down to see my shirt vibrating because my heart was beating that hard. When it was my turn I was almost happy that we still have to wear masks because my smile was uncontrollable at that point. We made a little small talk while I ordered and then she went to make my drink. As she handed it to me she smiled and said “it was so good to see you again!” And I just about died because the fact that she somewhat remembers me even after all this time just made me want to burst. I know it’s nothing but as a girl who has never dated, has terrible social anxiety, and thinks that she is invisible to everyone and doesn’t deserve to be remembered it makes my day to hear her say something like that. I remember her because she makes my drink just perfect, and her smile it the epitome of joy, and she just makes my days so good. But in my brain I’m probably just another customer to her so until I get the courage to ask for her number or Instagram or whatever I’m going to believe that maybe she remembers me a little bit too because maybe she’s happy to see me too when I walk in. Anyways I’m so happy that life is getting back to how it was before. I missed getting my drink, I missed Coffee Girl, I even missed hiding behind magazines like a fucking psycho. But most of all I missed documenting my dumb lesbian adventures for future reference. One day my kids may read these and they’ll know just how embarrassing their mom really was back in the day. Well until next time my friends!

#i missed this soooooooo fucking much #coffee girl #personal

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skinnylittleredwrites · 4 years

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My best friend, my lover.

TITLE OF STORY: My best friend, my lover. CHAPTER NUMBER/TITLE/ONE SHOT: 1/? AUTHOR: skinnylittlered. WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor!Tom. GENRE: Romance. FIC SUMMARY: Andrea and Tom have been friends since the beginning of time. Until a confession of love is made. This story follows the events of their subsequent relationship (sequel to You Wanna Play that Game? ) RATING: Explicit (language, references to sexual activity). WARNINGS/TRIGGERS/AUTHORS NOTES: - FEEDBACK/COMMENTS: -

Chapter 1.

As I pull my hair back in quite possibly the fiftieth bun, a bun by which I’m trying to convey that I did try, but at the same time that I didn’t try too much, but inevitably fail for the, quite possibly fiftieth time

I groan in defeated exasperation raising my hands to the unforgiving high heavens and damn it all to hell, just letting my arms slump and my hair fall back in its usual, otherwise perfectly passable, waves, I decide that this is probably the end of me as a potential romantic social being because at this point it seems that my whole self esteem is, irrationally, loosely hanging by the very thin thread of my very poor skill of fashioning a complementary hairdo to my outfit, a skill that I, naturally, expected myself to acquire by precisely fifteen minutes of watching instructional videos of how to accomplish such a task, and ten minutes of attempting to recreate it myself. Surely, I should have known that an amateur thirty something year old with virtually no experience in hair styling other than the casual, day-to-day hairdo, could match that of a teenager who essentially does it for a job. Surely.

Surely.

Or... maybe if I do let my hair rest on my shoulders as it usually does, however now more orderly that in it generally is, thanks to the application of several products that I didn’t really know I needed, but now that I have been acquainted with, decide I maybe will actually use in the future I might actually have succeeded in doing the very thing that I believed I had been failing at all along. As I look in the mirror, perspective anew, I thank the lord for both sixteen year olds on the internet and self suggestion, both very powerful tools in the life of a woman.

All in all, I’m pretty pleased with the result. Hair may have proven, along the three decades of my inhabiting this earth to be one thing that, try as I might, I could never really master, but makeup and dressing up are things that, if I may say so myself, I’m pretty damn good at. Trial and error, of course, has proven to be the mother of all teachers and, with god as my witness, there was quite the number of errors in my trials. However, as I’m shamelessly admiring my full length reflection I’m happy to conclude that this may be the culmination of my learning experience and what a perfect opportunity of that to happen, this date that I have been hoping for but never really letting myself to expect for most of my adult life.

There is, indeed, a life out of the friend zone. Or at least for those of us who are lucky enough to have the object of our desires return our sentiments, there is. As it turns out, I am one of those happy ones and I would rather not consider the alternative. It is much to dreadful to ponder upon right now, and I believe I’ve done more than my fair share of thinking about it so far. Tonight is a celebration of my triumph. Tonight is about new beginnings and the beautiful things that can spawn out of a life long friendship turned romance. Tonight is our first date and I cannot wait to see him, and I am excited, and anxious, and jubilant, and absolutely terrified and-

As the train of thought is all but a hair’s width away from crashing into the sometimes thicker than I’d like it to be bone of my skull, I try to distract myself by admiring my outfit once more, but, however nice it is, the second time around it doesn’t really work anymore. Trepidation is a very strong detractor from reality, and in reality, it’s just going to be me and him. Alone. On a date. There are so many ways this can become very fucked up in various ways but, thankfully enough, before I can make a mental inventory of each and all of them, possibly in alphabetical order, and drive myself various degrees of insane in a very short time span, the alarm I set for leaving home and picking him up at the airport goes off and I bolt out the door.

The car drive and subsequent wait at the airport go by in a flurry of faces and roads and the trees by those roads, and bad music on the radio, and there, emerging from this mix of mismatched elements is his face. I see him looking around the crowd, eyes searching, with his brows furrowed as they do when he’s focused on something, and I wait patiently for him to locate me. His expression changes visibly when he does, softening a bit and I’m frozen into place with anxiety. Serves me right to feel like this after having dumped all of my emotional baggage on him right before he had to leave. As he strides towards me, I have the sudden urge to make a run for home and just spend the day watching TV reruns and eating junk food instead of torturing myself like this. But here he is, and here I am, and here we are, silently sharing an awkward hug in Heathrow, silently walking towards my car outside of Heathrow, silently driving the very same car away from Heathrow...

He clears his voice and hesitates before speaking.

“So... How’ve you been?”

My god, this really doesn’t feel right.

“Good. You?”

He is no longer turned to face me, but looking straight ahead at the road before us. His reply is absent minded, completely devoid of any inflection.

“Fair.”

“How’s your Da?”

This time a smile breaks through his poker face. Finally, something familiar.

“Getting younger every day. A lad in his prime, I’d say.”

“I bet!”

“He asked about you, you know?”

“Yeah?”

It isn’t really like I wouldn’t or didn’t expect that. I’ve known the man for most of my life, I’ve been to his house in Edinburgh more times than I can count on two hands, I send him homemade pie on Christmas. Of course he would ask about me, but I humour the conversation because, well, because it’s the first time since we’ve seen each other when we’re a bit more relaxed, so I let myself slip into the customer talk of how his father is, his eternal joie de vivre, the weather in Scotland, and others, feeling the air in the car become a bit lighter as we converse. Before long, I’m parked in the lot beside his house and the trepidation is slowly settling back in, evident to both of us.

“I’ll, uh, just drop my bag really quickly and be right back in? Or would you like to come up?”

I shake my head. He nods and exits the car.

There’s no way I can go back there, not with how I’m feeling, how we’re both feeling, right now, not with what happened the last time I was there, crying and professing my love, the love that had been corroding at my peace for years, unbeknownst to him, essentially dropping its decade weight on him out of nowhere. Fortunately, my love was mirrored by his, I found out the very same day, but that doesn’t really change much about the current situation. Our paradigm was shaken to the core, our mannerisms, before then fuelled by platonic pretense, however romantic our intentions might have subconsciously been, became deconstructed, crumbled before us. We have to re-learn friendship, to integrate love into the equation, to function as a couple. Moreover, there is the aspect of physicality to be considered. That fateful day brought with itself not only theoretical revelations, as it did carnal ones. For the first time in thirty something years, we knew each other as man and woman, fully wholly, biblically. It was a hunger that I did not even know I needed satiated to that extent, which is why I’d maybe disregarded it almost completely up to that point - also an instance of how such a powerful tool as self suggestion might come into play in one’s life, I reckon – but now that had a bite of the proverbial apple, I wanted more. Alas, what mess we’ve got ourselves into!

I startle as the car door opens and raise my forehead from the wheel. He is looking at me, not saying anything, and, breathing in, I do the same, feeling like I’m finally seeing him for the first time since I picked him up. This is Tom, my best friend since childhood. Tom, my partner through good and bad, high and low, the boy who thought me how to do a slingshot, who held my hair the first time I was hungover, who I, not only once, sent out on tampon runs at the most inconvenient times of the day. Tom, who smells like my childhood and maturity all in one. Tom, my best friend, my lover, my confidante, my Tom.

My Tom.

“I missed you.”

He smiles, a genuine, blossoming smile that reaches his eyes and it’s all back to normal for a brief second. Then his face comes closer to mine, so close that we’re breathing each other’s air and my heart flutters again. But this time it’s excitement. It’s new and it’s scary and I want to run away and jump in his arms at the same time and-

“I missed you, too,” he whispers against my lips and then kisses me. He kisses me for I don’t really know how long, and nor do I care, and it’s different familiarity than what I knew, but I know him and for the time being that’s all that matters.

****

Author's note: hello there to all of you who are still here. I'm back, in a way...?

#tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston

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steve0discusses · 6 years

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Yugioh S1 Ep 42: Kaiba's Horrible Tanning Beds

Now that we’re done watching Yugi get completely distracted instead of youknow, resolving this season, now it’s time to see how the resolution of Kaiba’s timeline goes. I’m sure he won’t also get completely distracted.

The moment he said “virtual pod” it was as if the show itself snuck out the back of the room and I had to chase after it like Mokuba just trying to get his brother to fire some assholes (who aren’t in prison for some reason?)

OH OK, SHOW.

I guess we’re doing this now.

Let me just take a second to forget every magical piece of lore I spent the last 42 episodes learning.

We’re going to dive into a computer now.

(read more under the cut)

OH PS it will also totally blind you. Perfectly safe. Ready for mass production. Only uses 900 kWh. No big deal. Fits right into your decor.

Please note that Mokuba grabs everyone except for Bakura, because he’s the only one on this show with a sense of reason.

I would be absolutely fine if Kaiba’s virtual world was just this for the rest of this arc, but alas his world is hyper-realistic in a cartoon sense. The way it works is that instead of dueling, you have Pokemon Go encounters. I knew it was inevitable to go into Pokemon territory, I just didn’t think it would be nearly exactly Pokemon except you murder the monster instead of keeping it.

Kaiba basically just invented Nuzlocke Yugioh.

Kaiba’s downfall is just him trying so hard to get this dragon thing to work out when the rest of the world just...really hates his dragons. He spent his entire life just to make a place where he can duel without the worry of psychic interruption, cheating, and overall dragon poaching and what does he get within 2 seconds of stepping into it?

This series of events where a ninja jumps out of nowhere, traps a huge dragon in a small pot, and then throws a 50 ft fishing net on Seto as he just stands there and lets it happen was so bizarre and it happened in a heartbeat. Man, this show just loves dunking on Kaiba every moment it can.

And in case you thought that was enough punishment for one irascible human being, for some reason, he then gets SUPER electrocuted in real life. NICE.

Mokuba grabs a bunch of Kaiba’s cards and takes off through the nearest exit--a vent. He climbed about 40 ft to get to this vent. It’s impressive.

Also, is that who I think it is?

Oh man I hope Croquet makes it, too.

Anyway, Mokuba runs all the way in the rain and thunder to Yugi’s game shop, where I’m pretty sure Joey is secretly living.

Mokuba explains how his brother is trapped in an MMO of his own design and these kids don’t even question it. They took about 6 or 7 episodes to cope with Yugi having parasitic magic powers but Kaiba getting stuck in a computer seems to be something they were almost expecting to happen sooner or later.

Kaiba Corp should really start paying Seto’s classmates for how willing their are to save their ass. Albiet they didn’t do a perfect job of that--but they did manage to do it by the end. But they should at least give them a free pass to the company cafe (which I assume only serves chicken nuggets in the shapes of dragons).

Yugi is Grandpa’s ONLY Grandson, right? Like the only heir to the entire family? Like the only chance he has to leave a lasting mark on this world? He is so willing to let this kid just run off and die. Of course, I shouldn’t judge. Maybe Yugi’s hella annoying and Grandpa just needs some freakin peace and quiet.

They make it to Seto’s secret lab--which is super huge and not at all a secret and has a 60 ft dragon in front of it--where he has 3 pods. Who are the other pods for? Seto has no friends.

UNLESS he always secretly planned to put his classmates inside? I mean one is exactly Yugi-length.

They argue about who goes in which pods but it’s sort of moot because Mokuba’s hella bossy.

And so they leave everything to Tristan to keep them alive. Tristan who admittedly did defeat Bakura last arc so...not the worst choice? Better than putting Joey at the command center.

Youknow, if you entered a VR world that is unfinished, you’d be spending half your time glitching out and getting stuck in walls. Says a lot that Kaiba was able to get those collision boxes correct.

PS the colorist filled in one of Yugi’s bangs in black. I didn’t even catch that at first but he definitely has a wrong bang here. Imagine with me here--just imagine--what if he didn’t have the blonde streaks? Like what if he had the red tint ~and that was it~

But then again, blonde streaks in your bangs was the 00′s thing to do. We were...super into it. And you draped them all over your face. It was a special time.

Anyways, lets electrocute everyone like this is some sort of Tesla Tower.

Tea, isn’t that kinda hot? Like aren’t you being set on fire right now?

After admiring Yugi’s very peaceful zen state for a little bit, Tea and Tristan realize they have literally nothing else to do now.

Hey, so like...what if you have to pee while you’re in the pod?

Just saying, how long can you really stay in the pod? Why would Kaiba make a pod that you can’t like...get out of and go outside so you can find the restroom in?

Like there’s a bunch of these spooky VR stories running around and it’s something that always gets to me. What if you have to freakin pee? No one ever thinks about that.

PS, literally all of this is being recorded on camera.

Unfortunately, Kaiba’s brain thingy did not pick up that Yugi is two people and Pharaoh did not get his own avatar. He won’t even show up this episode. Probably too busy throwing more legos all over the floor of Yugis brain room.

These guys run into some dueling stuff that I won’t go over in this review and find a zelda fairy. I think. It’s probably a card or something.

It takes them to a city that is in an arid desert despite being about 10 feet from a forest and...whatever type of mountain that’s called.

This arid desert city is within throwing distance from a forest climate.

I think I figured out why there’s 5 more episodes to this season. At least we don’t have 5 more episodes of Rebecca. Instead it’s just these guys grinding levels in a game that doesn't exist about a game that does exist but is never played this way.

sorry about the blur but like...Yugi got in deep with the law while all Tristan did was get attacked by dogs.

Anyways, the desert makes them go back to where they started because, on top of being an MMO, this is also a Metroid Mania.

A chicken. Everyone knows that.

Why would this even kill them!?

Anyways, I’ll not think too hard about the logic behind that, because it’s time for Tristan and Tea to hang out. Two people who barely have a personality on this show. Lets see if they can manage two minutes on screen.

I really don’t know if he was flirting or just that proud of his beard. But if he was flirting, he really shouldn’t compete about who has the most hair when comparing himself to literally any of his other friends who have volume like real life chia pets.

Sorry I just thought of how Yugi would even style a beard and in my mind it was just his normal hair but on his chin. Kinda like:

Anyway, moving on: the mooks have arrived, and they’re making a hell ton of noise for trying to kill these kids.

arm and shin bandages have always kinda bothered me in concept art--although, I admit that I love Zelda and anime stuff and they have arm bandages all the time--but what purpose do they serve!? Has this ever been a thing in all of antiquity?

This is just a lot.

Next time, on Yugioh,

How long will it take them to realize this is Mai--3 episodes, I’m guessing? Will Kaiba be stuck in a literal net on the internet for the next 4 Episodes? Is anyone ever at all going to call the freakin police??

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #humor #s1 ep42 #yugi muto #seto kaiba #mokuba #tristan taylor #joey wheeler #tea gardner #So this was just tacked on to the end of a season?#A season that was legit done two episodes ago?#they were like can we add tron?#we have time for tron

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danfanciesphil · 6 years

Text

Phan Teacher AU (Part 4)

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Part Three)

This is all Mr Horowitz’s fault.

Okay, so it’s also a little bit Dan’s fault for forgetting to bring an umbrella, or even a sensible coat, but in his defence, he had no idea this would happen.

Normally, Dan’s walk to the bus stop after school is little more than two minutes, and so far he has always made it in time to catch the 3:17 bus. It’s a good thing too, because Dan knows that the next one doesn’t come for another hour.

He’d been on his way to catch this same bus, in fact, when Mr Horowitz caught his arm, asking whether, before he left, he’d just run upstairs to the labs and clear up the experiment from the last class. Dan, being the school’s servant boy, couldn’t exactly refuse. He’d raced up to the labs at just after 3pm, cleared the desks in lightning speed, run a broom over the floor and sprinted to the bus stop.

But alas, the sight with which he was greeted was the tail end of it, chugging into the distance as the rain pelted down.

So now, Dan is stood, shivering like mad, in the downpour. It’s currently 3:30pm, and he still has another 47 minutes before the next bus.

“Fuck you, Horowitz,” Dan mutters under his breath, which comes out in a silvery puff of steam.

He wraps his thin jacket around himself a little tighter, rocking on the balls of his feet. Students keep passing him by, some sending sympathetic looks, and some chuckling at his plight. Dan knows he must look an absolute sight; his hair is probably plastered to his head, and his smart shirt and skinny jeans are so drenched that they’d fill a few jugs if they were wrung out, he’s sure.

“Wanna use my Physics textbook as an umbrella, sir?” A Year 11 student Dan vaguely recognises calls out as they walk past, laughing.

Dan shakes his head with a grim smile. “No thanks,” He replies, as tactfully as he can bring himself to be.

It’s at this moment that a car pulls up to the bus stop, pausing right beside where Dan is stood.

The window rolls down, and Dan’s immediate instinct is to run away - a product of the copious amount of ‘stranger danger’ warnings instilled into him during his teacher training.

Then, the driver of the vehicle leans across the passenger seat, and Dan nearly wails. It’s Phil. Of course it’s Phil.

“Hey!” Phil says, a glimmer of amusement in his cobalt eyes. “Need a lift?”

Trying his best not to think about the fact that he looks the worst he ever has, Dan forces a tight smile, leaning towards the open window.

“Hey, hah- yeah, I didn’t exactly prepare for the weather today.” Dan says, chuckling at himself. “But it’s okay. Thanks for the offer but I live really far away. I’ll just get the next bus.”

“When’s the next bus?” Phil asks.

A car behind him slows to a stop, unable to get past. Dan glances up at it worriedly. The driver, an older man in a suit, looks impatient.

“Um, in forty-five minutes. Ish.”

Phil’s eyes widen, his mouth falling open. “What?! You’re planning to wait here in the rain for that long?”

Dan tries to give Phil a bright smile, like he’s fine with it, but a raindrop falls from his forehead into his eye, making him wince.

“Y-yeah, it’s okay, I’m-” Dan cuts himself as a sneeze surges up out of nowhere; he just about manages to turn away, aiming it into the crook of his elbow.

When he looks back up at Phil, he does not look pleased. “Dan,” he says, his voice dropping to his firm, teacher tone. “Get in the car.”

Partly because the gentleman behind Phil has begun honking his horn, and partly because his knees have jellified at the sound of Phil speaking to him this way, Dan pulls open Phil’s passenger door and climbs in.

It’s so warm inside that he could cry.

“I’m gonna get your seats all wet.” Dan says mournfully, trying to take up as little space as he can.

“They’ll dry.” Phil tells him, turning the heater up until it’s blasting over Dan’s face and chest. “There are more important things than courtesy, you know Dan.”

Dan turns to him, trying to work out whether Phil’s annoyed. He watches silently as Phil pulls away from the kerb, joining the thick muddle of after-school traffic inching its way towards the main road.

“My mum raised me to be a polite young man,” Dan jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

“My mum raised me not to put my health in danger for the sake of asking a friend for a lift once in a while,” Phil replies, looking over at Dan. The windscreen wipers squeak as they battle the awful weather. After a moment, Phil sighs, his expression softening. “Sorry, I don’t mean to have a go at you. But come and find me if you miss your bus again, okay? I’d rather drive a bit out of my way today than have you turn up tomorrow with pneumonia.”

Dan nods guiltily. “Wait till you see how far away I live before you get too generous.”

“Wow,” Phil whistles, eyebrows raised as he stares down at Google Maps on his phone. “You weren’t kidding.”

They’ve pulled into a layby, the rain still thundering against the glass. It doesn’t matter though, because Phil’s car is warm and dry. It’s littered with little plastic toys, highlighting Phil’s quirkier side. There are Marvel superhero bobble-heads blu-tacked onto the dashboard, and the cupholders are filled with keyrings that look like they were won out of those two-penny slot machines.

There are also sweet wrappers scattered around - skittles, starburst, pick ‘n’ mix, or anything sugary and colourful.

None of it seems anything other than incredibly endearing, though. Dan could spend hours rifling through this car, which is so intrinsically Phil, just learning about him through his clutter.

“Yeah,” Dan says awkwardly. “It’s a forty minute bus ride.”

“You do that every day?” Phil asks, looking up at him in wonder. “Twice a day?”

Dan shrugs. “It’s not that bad.”

It would be a lot worse if he had nothing to look forward to once he actually got to the school, Dan thinks privately.

“Um, don’t worry about taking me all the way,” Dan says quickly, “just drop me at another bus stop or something on your way home-”

Phil flaps a hand at him distractedly, turning back to his phone. He pinches the map, searching the screen for a route to take.

“No, no, I don’t mind taking you,” Phil says, chewing his lip. He looks up, out of the windscreen, appearing to have some sort of internal debate. “It’s just... well, do you mind if we make a stop?”

Dan blinks at him.

“Uh, a stop?” He asks, uncomprehending.

“Yeah,” Phil replies. “It’s just that I need to let my dog out. Would you mind if we stopped at mine on the way? I’ll take you straight home after.”

Dan pauses for a moment, the words not sinking in straight away. Phil wants to take him to his house, where he actually lives, and he’s asking if that would be a problem.

“Phil, you’re literally rescuing me from a storm,” Dan says slowly, watching the bashful smile spread over Phil’s gorgeous features. “You could drive me via the Eiffel Tower if you wanted.”

Phil grins at him, putting his phone down and releasing the handbrake. “Maybe we should save the Eiffel Tower for another time.” Phil side-eyes him, questioningly. “Like in two weeks?”

Dan’s already racing heart picks up a little more speed, the fact that he is currently en route to Phil’s actual house beginning to seep into reality. He laughs, feeling awkward about what Phil is implying.

“Yeah, I still haven’t decided whether I’m coming on the trip yet,” Dan says, hands clasping together in his damp lap.

“You know it’s free for teachers, right?”

“I’m not a teacher.”

Phil smirks. “I’m sure I can persuade John to let you in free of charge.”

“Who?” Dan asks.

“John. Mr Green.” Phil clarifies; Dan just stares blankly. “Vice Principal of the school?”

“Oh,” Dan says, vaguely remembering a ‘VP Green’ showing him round on his first day. “I haven’t seen him since I first started. Sorry.”

“Well, he’s coming on the trip.” Phil tells him. “So, that’s a perfect opportunity to get to know him better.”

“Right, because having an awkward conversation in Paris with the Vice Principal of a school I’m heavily under-qualified to work at is top of my to-do list.”

Phil laughs heartily, pulling off the main road into a suburban maze of small houses. They can’t be more than ten minutes from the school. Dan gazes out of his rain-speckled window at the idyllic neighbourhood, trying not to be too obvious about how badly he wants to soak it all in.

“You’re not under-qualified.” Phil says, leaving no room for argument. You’re one of the best TA’s I’ve ever had.”

Dan stays quiet in the face of this statement, not sure how to handle it.

“Besides,” Phil continues, to Dan’s relief. “John’s actually a pretty cool guy,”

As it has rather often since the film screening on Wednesday, Dan’s mind wanders to thoughts of Paris, of being there with Phil and the rest of the Year Nine class. In his current state of awkward, socially inept pining over the class’ teacher, Dan’s not sure he’d be able to handle the experience.

Yes, it would be an amazing opportunity, and undoubtedly fun at times. But the class already tease Dan, sensing his overly-fond opinion of their favourite teacher despite him trying to keep it under control. It’s hard to imagine an entire weekend of that, in the so-called ‘city of love’, whilst attempting at least a shade of professionalism.

Not to mention how uncomfortable the whole thing could make Phil.

“But I don’t wanna pressure you.” Phil says, interrupting Dan’s tumultuous thoughts. “I just think it’d be fun if you came.”

Before Dan can properly comprehend that statement, let alone reply to it, Phil is pulling the car over and switching off the engine.

They’re parked in the middle of a quiet, orderly street, right outside a cute little bungalow, complete with a neat front garden and little pathway to the front door.

“You live here?” Dan asks, awed by how... lovely it is.

Phil chuckles, unbuckling his seatbelt. “No Dan, I brought you to someone else’s house and we’re going to break in.”

Dan turns to narrow his eyes at Phil, who just laughs more.

“Come on, let’s get inside - it’s still belting down.” Phil says, unfastening Dan’s seatbelt before he gets the chance.

Dan takes a deep breath in a vain attempt to prepare himself for what’s about to happen, and follows Phil as he hops out of the car, and jogs to the front door.

If Phil’s car is telling of his personality, his house is as though he’d cracked open his chest, scooped handfuls of his soul out and splattered it all over the walls.

Dan has never seen any sort of interior design that represented a person so well before. It’s not just visually appealing, it’s also a spectacle to behold. Dan’s sure that by just opening one random drawer in Phil’s house and glancing at the contents, he’d understand a thousand more things about this man, strange and enigmatic as he is.

They enter into a small entrance hall, painted a sunny yellow. There’s a semi-circular welcome mat on the floor, made to look like half a pepperoni pizza. On one wall hangs a large mirror, in a bizarre, warped shape, the edges curved as though they’d been drawn by a child.

There’s a tall cheese plant in one corner, and on a table below the mirror sits a potted scarlet anthurium. It’s a colourful room, and Dan’s very aware that this is only the very entrance of Phil’s house.

Before Dan can comment on the aesthetics - which he greatly appreciates, having lived in a cheap, falling apart, ‘student house’ for some time now - a small creature tears through the doorway on the left, bounding towards them, barking shrilly.

Phil crouches down to greet it, gathering the bundle of excitable fur into his arms immediately, laughing. Mouth falling open in an adoring ‘o’, Dan drops to the floor instinctively, an overwhelming urge to pet this animal forcing him to its level.

“Dan,” Phil chuckles, receiving several licks to his face. “This is Buffy.”

It lets out a ‘ruff!’ upon hearing its name, turning to Dan, tongue hanging out as it surveys him. In a millisecond, the dog is wriggling in Phil’s arms, struggling to be free. It worms its way out of Phil’s grip in a second, leaping across to Dan’s lap, tail wagging excitedly.

“Oh my God,” Dan says, cuddling the dog close to himself as he strokes and scritches and pets its soft, caramel fur. “This is the cutest dog I’ve ever seen in my life. What breed is it?”

“She’s a paperanian,” Phil says, moving to sit cross-legged on the floor. He laughs as Buffy begins frantically licking at Dan’s face, front paws on his chest as she attempts to reach him. “A pomeranian-papillon mix.”

Phil strokes along her back, fondly, his hand occasionally brushing across Dan’s.

Dan is giggling into the shock of Buffy’s fur, relishing the adorable, happy temperament of this dog. His only family dog had been a springer-spaniel when he was young, and it had died before he’d had a chance to bond with it properly.

“Unff-” Dan says, voice muffled as Buffy licks eagerly at his chin. “How long’ve you had her?”

“About a year and a half?” Phil replies, smiling warmly. “I used to volunteer at a shelter when I lived in France. I didn’t mean to get attached, but I couldn’t help it. So I adopted her.”

“She’s adorable,” Dan says, stroking over her soft, pointed ears as she begins to calm down, happily settled in Dan’s lap. “I think I’m in love.”

Phil glances up at Dan, eyebrow raised. For some reason, Dan finds himself blushing. “I get it.” Phil replies. “I fell in love on sight.”

Dan holds Phil’s gaze for a moment, any responses getting caught in his throat. Buffy barks, stealing their attention, and Phil giggles at her. He stands, scooping her up from Dan’s lap and into his arms.

Dan tries not to pout about this.

“Come on, then,” Phil says, presumably to the dog, “I’ll let you out for a bit.”

Dan stands too, following Phil through his hallway and into the room on the left.

Again, he is struck by the amazing decor of the room in which he enters, which seems to be a spacious living area, but he barely has time to appreciate it before Phil is heading into the kitchen at the other end, Buffy still tucked in the crook of his arm.

At the back of the kitchen there’s a glass sliding door, leading to what appears to be a tiny back garden, surrounded by a tall wooden fence. It’s through here that Phil lets Buffy out, barking happily as she scampers across the wet grass, not bothered by the rain in the slightest.

Phil slides the door shut after her, turning to Dan with a smile. “I’ll just let her run around for a bit. She’s been cooped up all day.”

“I guess you have to leave her here while you’re at school?”

“Yeah,” Phil replies guiltily. “It’s not as bad as some jobs, because I can let her out in the morning, and then I finish quite early in the day, but I still feel bad.”

“I’m sure she’s used to it.” Dan says, trying to make a positive comment.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Phil says. “If I ever have to stay late, I can call my brother to come and check on her. He lives just down the road.”

“That’s convenient, at least.”

Phil shrugs, turning to his kitchen counter and retrieving the bright red kettle.

“It’s not perfect, but it works okay.” Phil says. “Anyway, I’m rarely away from home. It’s not every day I have to rescue damoiseau’s in distress caught in rainstorms because they missed their bus.” Phil winks at him; along with the casual french he dropped into the sentence, it makes Dan feel a little dazed.

“Do you want a cup of tea while she runs about for a bit?” Phil asks.

Dan feels his heart flutter, and wonders whether any of the other TA’s have ever had the honour of coming here, of meeting Phil’s dog and receiving hot beverages on rainy days.

“That’d be great, thanks.” Dan answers quietly, still feeling like an inconvenience.

As Phil fills the kettle and gets the mugs, Dan takes the opportunity to look around his kitchen. It’s beautiful, just like the rest of the house, but with a few youthful, quirky touches that indicate Phil’s sillier side.

The walls are cream, as are the countertops, but there are splashes of colour everywhere. The microwave is bright yellow, and there are a host of tiny herb plants in red, green, blue and orange pots atop the windowsill.

Phil’s fridge is a light blue, and around his light wooden table, the chairs are varying sizes and colours, mismatched, but in a way that seems put together.

“It’s so homely in here,” Dan muses, not really meaning to say it aloud.

Phil turns to him, evidently surprised. “Thanks! Most people say it’s a bit much.” He pours the boiling water into the mugs, chuckling. “My brother said that it’s as if I gathered a random load of furniture and scattered it about without thinking.”

“Did you?”

“Kind of, I suppose.” Phil allows, shrugging one shoulder. “I just pick up bits and pieces that I like the look of, and fit them in as best I can.” He laughs, opening his sky-blue fridge to get the milk. “I don’t pretend to be an expert in interior design. I just like things to be...”

“Pretty?” Dan supplies.

“I was gonna say colourful,” Phil says, smiling at him. “But yeah, I suppose. Thanks.”

Dan blushes faintly, casting another look around. He notices for the first time that Phil’s fridge door is covered in those alphabet magnets, some of which spell out the phrase ‘normalness leads to sadness’. There’s also a photo pinned there, of Phil and a man Dan vaguely recognises as his brother. He’s holding Buffy in his arms, smiling a very Phil-like smile.

“Milk? Sugar?” Phil asks, tearing Dan’s attention away.

“Just milk, thanks.”

Phil pours the milk, humming to himself, and adds two lumps of sugar to his own cup from a gnome-shaped pot nearby. He places the mugs down on the table, and pulls out a chair.

“You can sit down, you know,” Phil tells Dan amusedly, slipping into one of the seats.

Dan obeys, sliding into the chair opposite him and retrieving his mug. “Thanks.”

He sips, even though it’s far too hot, trying to think past his nerves, for something, anything, to say that isn’t ‘wow you’re pretty and your house is pretty and your dog is the cutest thing in the world and I think I’m crushing on you far, far too much to even be here let alone go to Paris with you in two weeks’. He comes up blank.

Then, quite unexpectedly, Phil reaches across the table, and pushes a strand of his fringe away from his eye, a slight smile playing on his lips. Dan freezes, a deer in headlights, as Phil’s fingertips brush his forehead, acutely aware of how damp he is still.

“Your hair,” Phil says softly, wonderingly. “It’s curly.”

Dan blushes furiously at once, ducking away from Phil’s touch, feeling self-conscious. “Shit, yeah. The rain, y’know...”

Phil draws his hand back to his mug, smiling amusedly. “It’s cute.”

Dan looks at him in surprise. He’s never, in a million years, considered the idea that anybody might find his natural, untameable curls anything other than ridiculous, but all of a sudden he has a powerful urge to never touch a pair of straighteners again.

Dan lifts his hand to his head, patting the mess of curls that are drying there.

“I... never really liked them.” He admits, sheepish.

“You should embrace them,” Phil says encouragingly. He shrugs one shoulder. “I mean, if you want. I think they suit you. But then, it’s not my hair.”

All of a sudden, Dan shivers, partly because he’s wet and cold, but mostly because Phil is being so sweet that his body actually seems to be rejecting the sentiment, not sure how else to process it.

Phil frowns, noticing the tremble. “Hey, take that off.”

He gestures to Dan’s torso, standing from the chair. Dan just looks, bewildered, at Phil’s outstretched hand.

“Um...”

“Your jacket, Dan.” Phil says, the corner of his mouth twitching. “I’ll throw it in the dryer.”

“Oh, no it’s okay-”

“Dan, you’re actually shivering.” Phil interrupts, voice firm. “I’ll just dry off your wet jacket, it’ll take ten minutes.”

“It’s warm in here, you really don’t have to.” Dan mumbles, but he’s already shaking the damn thing off his shoulders, because Phil is using his teacher-voice, and it’s drilling right into his chilly bones.

Phil just takes the jacket from him, opening a secret cupboard door under the kitchen counter to reveal a washer-dryer. He places Dan’s jacket inside, presses a few buttons, and smiles in satisfaction as the dryer begins its cycle.

He turns back to Dan, frowning again as he takes in the sight of him.

“Hey, drink your tea, it’ll warm you up.” Phil instructs, moving across the room, towards the doorway. “I’ll be right back.”

Dan doesn’t get a chance to object; Phil slips out of the room, leaving Dan sat at the table in just his damp, clinging, white shirt, hands clasped around the mug of tea.

Then, in a moment, he’s back again, a bundle of green material in one hand. He hands it to Dan casually, then moves to sit back in his seat.

“Um, what’s this?” Dan asks, confused. He turns the green item over in his hands carefully.

“A hoodie,” Phil says, like it’s perfectly normal. “You’re cold.”

Dan swallows, squeezing the material in his fist. It feels thick and warm. “Oh, th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Phil says, beaming. “Put it on, you’re not allowed to be cold in my house.”

“I didn’t realise you had such strict house rules,” Dan replies teasingly, but pulls the hoodie over his head, threading his arms through the sleeves.

It smells - oh, Lord - it smells just like him. It’s cinnamon sweet, with a fresh, plant-like overtone. A cooling, freshly baked apple pie on a windowsill, the breeze sweeping in its delicious aroma, carrying the notes of the newly cut spring grass.

Dan has to force himself not to bury his nose in the sleeves that hang down over his hands.

He tries to distract himself by looking down at the text on the front of it, which reads ‘York University’. “I see I’m repping your college.”

“Hah, yeah, sorry about that.” Phil says bashfully, sipping more tea. “I guess it’s a bit weird to hang onto that, isn’t it?”

Dan shrugs. “Not if you liked it.”

Phil smiles at him appreciatively. “I liked the uni, yeah. And I like the hoodie. I like it even better on you.”

Simply because Dan doesn’t trust himself to speak further about this without melting into a gooey puddle, he decides to change the subject.

“So, is it Buffy as in... the vampire slayer?”

He nods towards the screen door, through which Phil’s dog is sprinting happily across the grass, pausing every so often to sniff a patch, tail wagging furiously.

Phil turns to watch her for a moment, laughing. He nods, turning back to wink at Dan. “I mean, it is the greatest show of all time.”

Dan considers this, nodding. “It’s definitely up there.”

“You’ve seen it?” Phil asks, sounding surprised. “Not many people have, these days.”

“You spend too much time around teenagers.” Dan says with a wry smile. “The kids in your classes probably weren’t even born when Buffy was cool.”

Phil sighs, nodding in agreement. “You’re probably right.”

“Hey, it’s their loss.” Dan says. “They’ll never know the awesomeness that is Buffy Summers kicking kicking the ass of every monster that dares to cross her.”

“Or the incredible hotness of Spike,” Phil adds, somewhat wistfully.

“Spike over Angel? Interesting.”

“To be honest, if I were Buffy, I think I’d have a similarly hard time deciding between them.”

“Same,” Dan agrees, staring down into his tea.

“Hey, I forgot,” Phil announces suddenly, his voice bright and cheerful. “I made cupcakes! Would you like one?”

Dan watches as Phil stands from his chair, heading to a cupboard to pull out a cake tin.

“Um,” Dan says; his stomach is rumbling at the mere mention of food, let alone cake, but he wants to be careful about how far he should run with Phil’s generosity. In the end however, his tummy, which hasn’t been fed since lunch, makes the decision for him. “Sure. Thanks.”

Phil finds a small plate and presents Dan with one of the most incredible looking cakes he’s ever seen. Putting bakeries to shame, Phil has piped rainbow frosting atop a small, palm sized cake. He’s also sliced off the top of the cake, cut it in half, and pushed the pieces into the icing in a traditional ‘butterfly cake’ style.

The whole thing is covered in some kind of edible glitter too, making it sparkle under Phil’s soft, overhead lamps.

“Christ, you made this?” Dan asks, staring down at it in amazement. “I feel like I shouldn’t eat something this pretty.”

Phil chuckles. “It’s either going to you or Buffy, so eat up.”

Phil takes his seat again, and Dan diligently begins peeling the glittery pink case from the sides of the cupcake. He glances up at Phil, watching him, and pauses.

“You’re not having one?”

Phil shakes his head. “Trust me, I’ve had about sixty already since I made them. He leans back in his chair, placing a hand on his stomach. “I’m cupcake’d out.”

Dan’s eyes fall to the cake in his hand, feeling awkward about eating it now.

Phil laughs at him, and Dan looks up. “What?”

“Afraid I’m trying to poison you?”

Dan splutters, having not even thought of that. Realistically though, he perhaps should be a bit more concerned. He doesn’t know Phil that well, after all.

Playing along, Dan eyes the cake suspiciously, bringing it to his nose and sniffing. “Well, it is awfully convenient that you just had to let Buffy out whilst you already had me in your car...”

Phil rolls his eyes, smirking. Without a word, he leans forwards, plucks the cupcake from Dan’s hand, and brings it to his lips. He takes a small bite, frosting and all, licking glitter and crumbs from his lips as he holds Dan’s gaze.

He hands the cupcake back over, looking triumphant. “There. If it’s poisoned, then we’ll both die.”

“Finally,” Dan jokes, taking a bite out of the cupcake, heart palpitating over what just happened.

The cupcake is glorious. Dan shuts his eyes, moaning a little in appreciation. It tastes like strawberry laces, and vanilla ice cream, and pure, unfiltered joy. It tastes like how he imagine Phil himself would taste, were he smothered in frosting and had a surprise, raspberry jam centre.

“Fucking hell,” Dan says eloquently, diving straight back in for another bite. “Phil Lester, you’re a genius.”

In three bites, Dan has devoured the entire thing, and he licks the remnants off each of his fingers, wishing he could go back in time and experience that slice of heaven all over again.

When he eventually meets Phil’s gaze, he’s looking a little dazed. There’s a pink tint to his pale skin, resting just above his sharp cheekbones. Seeming to gather himself, Phil clears his throat, and adjusts his glasses, smiling.

“Glad you liked it,” Phil mumbles, busying himself by taking Dan’s plate to the sink.

“You should apply for Bake Off,” Dan says sincerely.

Phil laughs, rinsing the plate under the tap, faced away from him.

“Actually don’t,” Dan says, changing his mind. “Just bake for me, instead.”

Phil stacks the plate on a drying rack, turning back to him. He doesn’t sit back at the table, though. He just leans against the counter, watching Dan from afar.

“And what do I get out of that deal, Mr Howell?” Phil asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Literally whatever you want.” Dan replies, meaning every word.

“Careful,” Phil says, typically flirtatious, making Dan’s stomach flip. “Some people might take advantage of a promise like that.”

Dan just laughs, staying quiet. In his mind however, he silently comes to the realisation that he can’t think of a single thing that Phil could ask for, that he would refuse to do.

Oh, dear.

By the time they leave Phil’s house, the rain has eased to more of a drizzle, but it pours continuously nonetheless. Dan says goodbye to Buffy about five times, softened by her sad little whimpers and puppy eyes each time he turns to go.

He doesn’t mind that her fur is soaked and a little muddy, he just cuddles her close, no doubt ruining Phil’s hoodie, though Phil doesn’t object. He doesn’t even tell her off as she tracks damp pawprints through the kitchen, he just uses a spare towel to dry her off, giggling as she wriggles about beneath it.

“Aw, he’ll be back another time, Buffy,” Phil assures his whining dog, and secretly Dan bursts with happiness.

They get out of the door eventually, and into Phil’s car. Phil sticks the heating on straight away, blasting them both as they rub their hands together. Dan wishes it would be socially acceptable to lean across and nestle into Phil’s shoulder, but alas, he settles for simply wrapping the hoodie more tightly around himself, pretending it’s Phil’s arms.

“She loves you,” Phil says, laughing. “She’s not going to let me forget that, either.”

“What a shame,” Dan says, faking a dismayed sigh. “I guess I’ll just have to come and play with her all the time.”

Phil grins at him. “You should. Buffy would really like that.”

“Buffy would?” Dan asks, feeling just brave enough to attempt a flirtation, fuelled by the adrenaline his own body has been pumping through his veins for the past hour or so.

Phil just smiles at him, eyes holding Dan’s for a moment, seeming to forget about starting the car. “Yeah,” he says after a while. “She really would.”

It’s quite painful to watch Phil driving away.

It’s only been a couple of hours, but in the short time he and Phil spent together this afternoon, Dan had grown rather attached to his presence.

This whole crush-thing would be so much easier if Phil was a difficult person to hang out with. But it’s so easy. They fall into banter as quickly as breathing, their conversations lasting indefinitely, because they could spring off each other’s witticisms for hours on end.

Phil is so funny, and so effortlessly charming. He’s intelligent and sharp, which is attractive on its own, but he has such a flirtatious streak, and it only makes things worse.

The more time Dan spends around him, in fact, the more he feels himself falling into a deep cavern of yearning.

When Phil pulled up to Dan’s house, right before Dan got out, he handed Dan another one of his cupcakes, which he’d hidden in a little Tupperware box in the glove compartment, unbeknownst to Dan.

Dan had protested at first, saying he couldn’t possibly steal another of his incredible creations, but Phil insisted on him having it. Eventually, Dan managed to create a condition - that he owed Phil a favour, not only for the cupcake (and the other cupcake) but for the cup of tea, and introducing him to Buffy, and the kindness, and for literally rescuing him in his hour of need and driving him forty minutes across town to his house.

Phil laughed, but agreed to these terms. Dan had gone to leave his car then, cupcake in hand, but Phil had stopped him, saying he had an idea for how Dan could repay him.

Of course, he had to say Paris.

So, because he’s helpless to refuse Phil anyway, and because he owes Phil a lot, Dan agreed. So, in two weeks, he’s off to Paris, to spend an entire weekend with Phil, in the most romantic city in the world.

Yes, there will be twenty or more teenagers along for the ride, but Dan finds it difficult enough to keep it together in Phil’s presence as it is, even during class.

Forty-eight hours of uninterrupted time in close proximity to this man is going to render him as useless as a smitten nerd-girl in any teenage rom-com that’s existed since the beginning of time.

He sighs, watching from his doorway as Phil’s car rounds the corner, out of sight. He opens the Tupperware, and takes a bite of the delicious cake, sighing in defeat.

“Okay, who was that?” Tyler’s voice says from right by his shoulder, making Dan jump.

“Is that hot, French, teacher-guy?” Teddy interjects from further inside.

Dan rolls his eyes, turning to push past both of them as he stalks into the house. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than spy on me?”

“Aw, Dan we just want to see you happy!” Tyler exclaims, following Dan into the kitchen.

He wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, walking behind him like a drunk mum too into the conga line, until they reach the counter.

Dan puts his half eaten cupcake back in its box, placing it on the counter.

“How do you know I’m not?” Dan asks crossly.

“I mean, you’re fine.” Teddy says, strolling into the kitchen to rest his arm on Dan’s shoulder. “But fine isn’t good enough for our lovely Daniel. We want to see you being adored!”

Teddy pinches Dan’s cheek, smiling at him. Tyler kisses him on the temple, ruffling his hair.

Dan rolls his eyes, but smiles a little under the affection. “Thanks, but I’m good.”

He struggles free of them, intending to take an immediate shower in order to wash the rainwater off himself. He heads for the door of the kitchen, mind already on other things.

Phil things.

Paris things.

“Hey, Dan?” Tyler calls out, sounding confused. Dan turns on the spot, somewhat reluctantly. “I thought you went to the University of Manchester?”

Dan frowns in confusion. “Ty, we all went to the same uni. We literally met at uni.”

Teddy hides a smirk in Tyler’s shoulder. “Right, right.” Tyler says. “So whose hoodie is that?”

Having completely forgotten he was even wearing the thing, Dan flushes bright red, stammering in place of a response. It’s an absurd reaction, obviously, but it sends the others into fits of laughter, and Dan instinctively knows they won’t let this go for weeks, no matter how much he tries to insist it was a purely platonic gesture on Phil’s part.

“I hate you both,” Dan groans, practically running out of the room.

He slams the door of the bathroom, switching on the shower, cheeks still flame-red in the mirror. He pauses, caught by the sight of his reflection, swathed in the emerald green of Phil’s hoodie.

He strokes the words on the front, feeling how they’re beginning to flake from multiple washes, and from the creases Phil has made as he moves around in this same garment, when it’s wrapped around him instead.

Dan lifts the sleeve to his nose, breathing in that delicious scent. The vanilla-strawberry cupcake still lingers on his tongue, making it that little bit sweeter.

He’ll return this hoodie, he tells himself, saving it until last as he strips off for the shower. But maybe he could forget for a few days. Or maybe he could say that he wanted to wait until the next time he’s in class with Phil, which isn’t until Monday now.

He places the hoodie carefully to one side, not wanting it to get wet, and hops in the shower. He lets his mind drift, skimming across memories of Phil’s touch against his forehead, the sound of the rain pattering against his screen door as the dog played outside, the low, fond tone of Phil’s voice from across the table, the flame of something vivacious dancing in his glacial eyes.

Paris, he decides, as the light trickles of warm water travel over his body, might not be so bad.

(Part 5!)

#phanfic #phan #teacher au #my fic #prompts

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riverdaleroundup · 6 years

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Riverdale Roundup: 2x04 “ The Town That Dreaded Sundown”

Okay shit is getting real now. I’m fresh off watching this new Riverdale and I would say that i’m shook but I mean honestly it was okay. I mean shit is starting to happen but i’m not yet on the edge of my seat.

So we open up the show and the river vixens are prancing down the street in a little pack like a group of basic bitches on halloween. Honestly the sheer number of people who went as river vixens / or betty and veronica on halloween made my head hurt. Like if your costume is popping than okay cool we get it you like the show so you bought the yellow tube socks and the HBIC shirt and you’re living your best life but if you just put on a button up shirt and put your hair in a sloppy ponytail you’re not betty cooper so like sit the fuck down. That’s not a costume. That’s you pulling out a shirt that doesn’t fit from the back of your closet so you could try to feel relevant.

Alice Cooper is a grade A brutal bitch and I honestly live for her. She sits down in front of her computer, slips on her chic ass glasses and chugs that white wine ready to tear shit up with her cutting edge reporting. She slips into worried guilt tripping mother mode for a hot minute but still looks chic as fuck doing so. I just realized that she’s that cougar that Nate banged season 2 of gossip girl and i’m dying. Literally shook. Who is Alice to judge Grundy robbing the cradle when she and Nathaniel Archibald got it on on numerous occasions when he was a generous 16 years old.HOLY SHIT I JUST LOOKED AT HER IMDB PAGE AND SAW THAT SHE PLAYED SHERRY IN GILMORE GIRLS??!? How did i miss that? I literally just re watched the Sherry episodes. She looks so different. I’m dying. But can we also talk about the inconsistent state of her bangs? Like one minute she’s got that casual middle part and the next she’s rocking a side swoop. I can’t keep up.

Okay so Betty wants Jughead to drive all the way to riverdale high to spend lunch with her. Like how long are their lunch breaks? Like honestly it was a struggle to make it down to mcdonalds and be back in time for english but these kids can skip all the way to the other side of town to enjoy a romantic lunch and still make it back in time for their joke of a literature class?.

I wasn’t paying enough attention to know what the sperant leader's name is but he looks very familiar to me. He kind of reminds me of like a cheaper version of Nat Wollf in the naked brothers band. Honestly any minute i’m expecting him to pull out a guitar and confess his love for Rosalinda.

Also this is the first time that i’ve heard official riverdale referred to as the north side and it kind of threw me off my game. Like we’ve had this whole south side angle working for a while now but i never once considered that they would call riverdale proper anything other than riverdale.

Okay what is with the remix of Archie's speech when he’s walking down the hallway. Like I’m sorry I didn’t know Archie Andrew’s music career ( which i totally forgot about until he lied about being home all night writing songs) had progressed so much that he was now mixing his own beats and headlining this year's coachella.

Kevin is just so forgiving. Like he was mad for like 10 minutes of one episode and now he and Betty are bff’s again. Also he mentions his mom and I was like what? Kevin has a mom? Does she live out of state and pretend he doesn’t exist ala Jugheads mom?”

Also it’s just too much that Black Hood is like “ Omg Betty your cute speech about loving your friends and making Riverdale a nice place has inspired me to MURDER”. Now starts the shit that I hate. Betty is like i’ll tell the police a half truth and withhold important information. That is just way too pretty little liars for me. Those bitches never went to police with anything. I mean season one of riverdale these kids would find a used tissue and be like “ we have to tell Sheriff Keller about this” and now Betty thinks this is a cross she should bare alone. Kevin is right. Betty is in high school ( aka fifteen years old for fuck sakes) not the newest graduate of Quantico.

So both Toni and Jughead are into true crime and that means what? That they’re going to ride off into the sunset and listen to spooky criminal podcasts together for all of eternity? I already hate where this whole Toni/Jughead/ Betty triangle is going. It’s just so freaking typical and I can’t deal. I had hopes from last episode that they might just co exist for at least a little while but suddenly this episode Toni grows this bitch ass attitude and starts attacking Betty out of nowhere. Betty was trying so hard to avoid being the jealous girlfriend by being like “ I’m so nice you’re new best friend can crack the code with us and we can all be friends” . They’re having their little crime solver party and Toni makes a little comment about Betty's ponytail which would have been fine if she had said it like in a nice joking way but she starts coming for the hairstyle like the ponytail murdered her father right before her eyes and she’s been sworn to seek vengeance ever since. Kevin rips Toni a new one because Bettys pony is “ iconic” and he’s not here for any of her bullshit. Than Betty makes literally the same comment that knock off Nat Wollf the serpent made about black hood targeting north siders but this time Toni feels personally attacked by this and decides that she needs to start poking holes in Jughead and Bettys relationship and being an over all annoying bitch.

Okay so the fake ID that Archie uses at the gun store looks like he made it himself on the back of a monopoly get out of jail free card. He’s getting together all his weapons so that he can what? Have a shoot out in the middle of the street with the masked man? Also why do they call his ski mask a hood? Archie keeps being like “ It’s not a Ski mask” but has the boy ever been to a mountain? That looks a lot like a mask to me. So while Archie is gathering ammunition and literally painting the town red while waving a gun in the face of a couple of serpents, Veronica is making a rush order to vistaprint and somehow convincing Cheryl to help her hand out a lazily designed shirts.

So after Archie is banished from school for being locked and loaded he sends Veronica to go toilet bowl fishing in order to retrieve his gun. So Reggie is so grateful that Archie didn’t sell him out about the ski mask that he’s decided that him and the rest of the football team ( plus one boy scout) are willing to rejoin their not so secret society. But this makes no sense to me because it’s not like Reggie committed some heinous crime in that hood. He just showed up at Archies house in it to scare him.

But whatever i’ll let that go. The football team had to be there because conveniently the teenage branch of the south side serpents have just rolled up and are ready to rumble at midnight. Literally. Rumble. Have we slipped into an alternate universe? Am i watching west side story? The Sharks and the Jets are literally about to fight openly in the streets. Plus the whole way that Veronica was like “ fair fight! No weapons.” Is so west side that it makes me want to murder myself. Like if I couldn’t sit through a whole high school production of that play then I’m not looking to see it here. Is someone literally about to burst out into the chorus of America and bang their fist on a metal fence? But anyway.

The town meeting is called and it’s not a cute one like in gilmore girls. Alice Cooper is running this meeting. She wants to close down south side high but like how will that help? Are all those kids just going to go to riverdale high now or did she figure they would all just stay out on the streets in south side sans education? How would that save money? She’s so against the south side but like is that not her old stomping ground? What’s the beef Alice? What is your MO? Fred is all like Alice this is a time for us to be united and blah blah blah. Hiram and Hermione are muttering about Fred and is he a problem or is he an asset and i’m like enough with the secrets. Tell me the goods.

The boys head out in the pouring rain like they’re about to shoot a dramatic Taylor Swift music video. They start to fight in the streets and Archie is getting his ass handed to him. So Dilton gets stabbed but I got really confused. It kind of looked like he was the one who was pulling the knife? So did he stab himself for the drama or am I just a literal Psycho? Veronica shows up in her dramatic ass cape like in the season one premiere and fires the gun in the air which spooks all the boys like a group of nervous dogs around fireworks.

Jughead and Betty figure out that the code is from her old Nancy Drew workbook and head off to rescue everyone at the town meeting. Now the thing is who is this person that they know enough about Betty that they know that she used to check out that decode book all the time as a kid? That works with the idea that it could be Hal doing all of this but I really just don’t see it. But what do I know? Nothing.

So now the killer is making blocked calls to Betty because why the hell not. Here’s why that doesn’t work for me. In this day and age who the hell answers an unknown number? Not I. I barely answer the phone when people I know are calling.

That's it.

Until next Thursday. Byeeee.

#riverdale #bughead #varchie

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