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#when i talk i'm wrong
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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midoristeashop · 8 months
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Nightlight!
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been going down a rabbit hole of golden age fics and this is my take on the nightlight design tee hee (I love him with all my heart and soul)
also it’s my personal head canon that nightlight was a past life of Jack’s and can access his star boy powers in life/death situations?? Idk but wouldn’t that make a cool future scene where jack can access past PAST lives’ memories and just see his cool space protector self like
anyway I love him bye
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divorcedfiddleford · 7 months
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and you may say to yourself: "my god! what have i done?" and you may tell yourself: "this is not my beautiful wife!" and you may tell yourself: "this is not my beautiful house!" and you may ask yourself: "well, how did i get here?"
time isn't holding up, time isn't after us, time is a pony ride! (images described in alt text)
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svtskneecaps · 9 months
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i find it so cool to notice that like non-native speakers making mistakes in their second language tells you about the grammar and vocab of their native language like that's so cool to me.
like i can only pull up confident examples from french bc i learned that one but like etoiles saying "watch the chests" instead of "look at/in the chests" is because in french i imagine he'd use the verb "regarder" which does translate to "to watch" but also can be used when we in english would say "to look"!!!!!! that's cool!!!!! and sometimes i'll hear the french saying along the lines of "wait me" bc that's the grammar for it in french!!! "attends-moi" is "wait for me" they just don't say "for" it's cool!!!!!! wow!!!!! i fucking love that i think that's so fucking neat bc i know that I MADE that mistake in the other direction, bc on an assignment i wrote "attendez pour moi" bc we say for in english!!!!!!!! and it was wrong!!!! and it's cool!!!!!! it's cool that i can pick up things about other languages even when they're not speaking the other languages!!!!!! wow!!!!!!!!! like when spanish speakers start english sentences with "is" bc that's how it works in spanish!!!!!! that's so cool!!!!!! they don't need "it" in spanish and hearing y'all say that is like wow!!!! i'm learning things about how spanish sentences work even though it's not even in spanish!!!!! holy shit!!!!!!!
i know i've noticed more things from the other languages too but i can't remember any of them now bc my spanish is "69 days on duolingo" and my brazilian portuguese is "meu deus" but if anyone else has noticed please!!!!! tell me!!!!! it's so cool!!!!!!
(as an aside this is not to knock or mock anyone for being bad at a second language i just think it is FUCKING FASCINATING i am giggling i am kicking my feet i think it is so cool it is so fucking dope language and language learning is so cool)
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royalarchivist · 22 days
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Pac: Fit. Where are you, Fit? Where are you, Fit? Where is my official gossip???
It's always very funny hearing Pac and Fit complaining when the other person hasn't logged onto the server yet, lmao.
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fairytale-lights · 6 months
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I hate the trend of equating "the quiet kid" with the idea of a kid who's most likely to bring weapons to school. I keep seeing it for some reason and it's so frustrating to me. Quiet kids aren't evil just because you don't know them! Those kids don't have any friends and treating them like they're one wrong move away from violence just isolates them even more. They're not doing anything to anyone and people are acting like they're scary!
#i guess maybe this is just the current version of treating quiet kids like they're weird#the current form of weirdness people accuse them of. it seems like people who aren't in the quiet kid category#just think there's inherently something wrong with them for the fact that they're different or something#like is it really that hard to just let them live their lives?? how is someone not talking bothering you??#i don't understand why people act like being quiet is so weird or offensive or unheard of. they're not doing anything!!!#youtube was recommending me some short with a joke about when you see the quiet kid reach into their bag or something#and that's just one of the things that manages to consistently irritate me. quiet kids aren't hurting anyone by being quiet#and when you see them do something normal you shouldn't treat them like dangerous criminals#if you think quiet kids are weird and you don't understand them maybe try being their friend???#they don't have friends. that's generally the difference. that's it#they're probably lonely and this isolates them more. they wouldn't have no friends if they knew how!!#and in the case that it is quiet kids who get bullied who hurt people? again: maybe try being nice to them!!!#i wouldn't excuse that but i feel like that's an easy solution. so many kids feel like they don't have friends like no one cares or no one#likes them. and that's why people feel like their own lives are terrible. maybe just be kind to people? be a friend to people who don't hav#friends? being kind encourages further kindness. there are no downsides#maybe you'll turn someone's life around by being the only person who's ever been kind to them#my post#i feel a little bit like. maybe it's the fact that I'm not a Quiet Kid anymore but i WAS and i GET IT. and i feel like i need to defend the#nobody else is apparently!!#when i was in high school i knew this kid. i didn't realize for a while that people were scared of him like that#i just thought he's quiet he doesn't have friends people don't talk to him they probably think he's weird. in other words: he's like me#and then people started making up rumors about him threatening to shoot up the school when he didn't#my sisters will still come home and talk about kids at school who are quiet like 'she's so weird she doesn't have any friends'#does it ever occur to you that maybe she wishes she had friends!!! she's not doing that to be weird on purpose!#and even if she was she's not hurting anybody. why do people always act like quiet kids are doing something wrong???#popular posts
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olivercore · 2 months
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the oliver family reveal scene is such a character defining moment for felix. it reveals how deeply self serving he is as a person. ignoring that oliver is lying, since felix isn't aware of that at this point, felix is forcing his seemingly deeply traumatized friend back into said traumatizing environment because he feels the need to play the savior. "i'm not taking no for an answer. you have to fix this" why is felix insistent upon involving himself in these deeply personal family matters? to the point where he's bringing oliver there against his will? answering his phone and talking to his mom for him? as venetia said, he's known ollie for around six months. he couldn't truly begin to understand a family history that complicated and so opposite of his own in such short time, yet he's made himself an authority on mending this broken relationship between an abusive addict mother and her son. by deception. on ollie's birthday!!!!
the attention is taken away from this aspect of the dynamic very quickly since yknow, we find out everything is a farce anyway, but felix imposed himself like it was nothing. he has no concept of boundaries or overstepping- he cannot handle the word no. you can tell it's not the first time he's said "i'm not taking no for an answer" and it wouldn't be the last. and it wasn't ever even truly for ollie's sake, it was another part of felix's fantasy. it's another part of the role ollie plays for him. felix is a damsel that doesn't understand he's the damsel. he thinks he's the knight. and when his damsel isn't actually in distress, the illusion falls apart. suddenly, felix is the one actually in danger and the whole play is ruined.
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toasteaa · 22 days
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Slightly exhausted, just a bit tipsy, and on my way to think about Neuvillette's reactions to receiving a genuine compliment. Specifically about his eyes. Because every compliment he's received has always been about some kind of learned behavior - his composure, his eloquence, his authority in court - and never about, well, himself. Especially not his eyes.
No, those were usually met with disdain, fear, or a general uneasiness. Even the most well meaning humans can't hold his gaze for very long - and the list of those that can is even shorter. It's something he's made peace with: catching the Iudex's eye is something most (if not all) Fontainians seek to avoid. Whether it's in the courtroom or on the street, Neuvillette's gaze is cold and impassive; aloof and indifferent to the passing of time around him.
Except..it isn't.
He's observant, curious; he casts a critical eye not in the case of judgement, but for the sake of his own lack of understanding. There's an innocence there -- no, not innocence. Even in your tipsy babbles, you had used the term "inexperience" to describe the heavily veiled emotion there. A barely there hint of softness - one that was most often seen when he spoke with the Melusines and rarely (yet with increased frequency) directed towards you.
Neuvillette finds it...unnerving in a sense. Not in a particularly negative way, but one that brings him a strange sense of calm. Peace bordering on comfort. For someone to notice his mannerisms and behaviors and see them not as the immortal eccentricities of the Chief Justice, but as features that make him who he is...well, he's not exactly sure how to feel about it. Perhaps it's because he doesn't understand how he's supposed to feel about this - about being known in such a rarely intimate way. And perhaps to you it isn't as intimate as it is in his mind (a feeling he hopes isn't as visible as the other emotions you've been able to find in his eyes) but he cannot help but hope that it is.
To have his own questions and curiosities met not with anxiety, but with genuine enthusiasm is already a shift for him. To then be seen by you - known by you - not as the Iudex of Fontaine or even as the Hydro Sovereign but as Neuvillette...he will have to take some time for himself to understand it.
But for now, he'll meet your eyes and give you a slight nod; a small acknowledgment and murmured "thank you" in response to your compliment. For now, he'll just have to hope that his veil of impartiality is enough to continue to hide these thoughts.
For now...for now.
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keiicom · 8 months
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Yjh things the Webtoon 'forgot' to mention or to point out bc they hate novel yjh
Warning for vague webtoon spoilers ig?? No spoilery names are named and no unreleased scenarios are mentioned/specified btw but I thought I'd add this warning just in case :)
He waited three days on the bridge for kdj to resurface after he dropped him in the Ichytosaurs mouth. Just. Waited there.
He smiles when Kdj tries his food and says it's good (it's more like a tiny smug smile tbh)
He is a WORRIER. Man worries about everything, but sucks at expressing it through actions bc that's when he's most easily misunderstood. It is EXTREMELY easy to misunderstand his actions unless the other characters ask him what he's doing and why [after he explains, he turns out to be actually really thoughtful tbh]
When he tells 41st round shin yoosung to "quit her blabbering"...he wasn't that harsh in the novel. The line was changed (still don't know why) but originally he said something about not having enough time, and wasn't a complete asshole.
Also during that same arc/scene it was revealed that he woke her up because he genuinely didn't think she'd attack him/be mad at him iirc, so it wasn't him being stupid, just somewhat naive
When Iris called KDJ ugly he actually stepped forward and intimidated her by glaring so she'd stop talking :) because he sensed fighting spirit in her and he decided to react lmao
His eyebrow moves similarly to a caterpillar when he's about to make an important decision (note: kdj points this out in the novel because he's always staring at yjh I swear to god there's proof)
Yjh puts on a 'cool' face when he's been caught or called out after trying to be sneaky (he's SO BAD at being sneaky istg I love this man so much)
He sometimes uses his skills for stupid and petty shit *said lovingly with heart eyes*
He's more likely to give someone/an NPC a quick death than to make them suffer until they die
He always goes along with KDJ's plans, even though Kdj barely tells him ANYTHING about them ever 😭 He glares but still goes along with them I NEED Y'ALL TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS- /lh
He drags his sword on the ground when he's happy/satisfied with something, or generally in a good mood. Also Loves to clean his sword (I think the webtoon added a scene of him cleaning the sword like. once)
He loves his sister more than anything (we haven't seen a lot of scenes with yoo mia AND yjh in the webtoon yet but I have high expectations for those knowing how much he adores her in the novel)
Mans RUNS to help every time kdj is in danger, unless he genuinely thinks kdj 1) can handle the situation himself or 2) deserves the punishment
He has MONOLOGUES in his head even though he only ever says like two sentences thakrhsjfjb, and is very eloquent when given the chance to explain his thought process/reasoning
[which kdj rarely lets him do. bc he's hellbent on doing the talking and most other characters don't expect yjh to talk anyway]
The hand holding scene that was turned into a weird wrist holding scene? Yes originally they held hands (he wasn't as angry then either)
He's a serial texter and will spam message people
He loves dumplings
He gets jealous when other people monopolize Dokja's attention for too long (also canon, ex: Sangah, [redacted 1], sometimes han sooyoung, [redacted 2], [redacted 3] 💀 and WILL glare at Kdj or demand answers depending on how severe the transgression is)
He's tired. So, so tired.
HE CAN LAUGH
he doesn't let Han Sooyoung live out of pride/not wanting to lose to kdj (???? what even was that). he lets her live because he doesn't want kdj to think poorly of him / alternatively he doesn't want to lose him as an ally. Not everything is about pride with him 🫠
he looks embarrassed after hearing yoo mia tell him he looks "happy when you talk about [kdj]". the narration also gives her statement some credibility, because "she knows him well since she's his sister". but of course they made him look angry instead of embarrassed 🙄 bc god forbid he shows any other facial expression ever
He's nosy (again: said lovingly with heart eyes). You'll notice how even when he pretends not to care, he'll still stick around to see how things develop/gather info on 'important' stuff. If he's not interested, he'll just leave, bc he's the kind of guy to just do that. So if he doesn't leave, even if he's pretending not to care... you see where I'm going with this
He has a sense of humor, believe it or not (though most of the time he's hilarious without meaning to)
When [redacted] asked yoo joonghyuk what his deal was with kdj and why he wanted him in his group he said "kdj is necessary for this world. I need him." but webtoon decided to skip that line 🫠
Yjh says "I guess your mother doesn't like me" instead of this "like mother like son" bullshit, because the second one implies dokja doesn't like him. which couldn't be farther from the truth
I'd add more but the rest is spoilers fhajhrjeka so yeah I'll just wait to see what webtoon does first and I'll update this as they go
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cosmic-light-fics · 9 months
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The Girlfriend Montage
I can't shake this moment from my mind and some interpretations of moments like this in this season have gotten me mad, so here's what I've got to say about the girlfriend montage. Carmy telling Richie he's gotta call his girlfriend, then we get splices of scenes containing Carmy making food for Claire, Claire working in the hospital, and for reasons that are highly debated by some but seem completely obvious to others including myself there are scenes of Sydney interjected into the couple's montage.
I have my thoughts as to why Sydney is in the montage but that's not the point I want to linger on, not now at least.
I am going to focus on this part in particular: the one where Sydney is undressing and we see the Three of Swords tattoo.
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To me, nothing is unintentional in this show. Nothing is inconsequential. And this small, two second shot of Sydney proves that in more ways than I can think of.
What I can't shake is how freaking similar it is to a scene we will later see in ep. 9. The sex scene with Carmy and Claire. It's an intimate moment. The room is cast in blue hues. It's all close up shots, quick cuts, and we can barely make out who is who and what is where. The moment is completely intimate and sensual in all the ways a romantic sex scene typically is conveyed.
And it matches the picture above nearly identically.
The choice to show the audience Sydney's tattoo bathed in this blue light that they will later use for Carmy and Claire's sex scene, the choice to capture this extreme close up, the choice to include the strap of her bra and a tattoo with an image that symbolizes heartbreak and betrayal, the choice to put one of the most intimate and vulnerable shots of Sydney in this montage meant for a couple is.... pretty indicative of the romantic undertones hidden in Carmy and Sydney's connection. The first time I saw it, I was blown away by how intimate of a shot that was of Sydney. We've never seen her like that - undressing, her skin that is always covered exposed, seeing for the first time that she has a tattoo. Just like we never saw Carmy like that in his sex scene with Claire, him being so intimately exposed.
I don't know how else to interpret it. Because all of what's stated above is not coincidence. The creators of this show didn't coincidentally put scenes of Sydney into the couple's montage and they definitely didn't mirror the imagery from the picture above to the sex scene in ep. 9 on accident. Just like how they didn't coincidentally have Carmy think of Sydney to calm him down during his panic attack.
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llamahearted · 1 year
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just a conversation I think milly and wolfwood would have, had they been given the time or space for it
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dapg-otmebytheballs · 3 months
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There are SIX SONGS in the season finale?? Let's goooo
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humlors · 2 years
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Babygirl your evil identify crisis and rockin dead bod have bewitched me body and soul. Now let me please know what the Fuck went wrong w u off screen
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morrigan-sims · 5 days
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And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.
As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.
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schmweed · 2 months
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#David Tennant#Alec Hardy#Ellie Miller#Broadchurch#my gifs#Yes they're talking about something extremely serious.#But can you see soft way his eyes tenderly trace her eyes and just rest on her face like it's the best thing he could look at?#He spends so long just looking at her -- and she is so mindful of his comfort level and RARELY looks back when he's looking at her.#If he's looking at her she's always looking ahead or down or away.#Except if she needs to hold his gaze to get a message across. Like go make some tea. Or if they're both worried.#This reminds me -- she is so naturally instinctively understanding of him#We rarely hear her addressing him by name after the rant that falls out of him when he has dinner at her place in S1.#She gets that simply looking at someone while you're talking to them is enough. And you don't need to tack on their name on top of that.#Which astounded me actually! I wondered if Chris Chibnall had spent some time around an autistic person!#Because I feel EXACTLY like Alec does abt names! I hate names. I hate using them. It's so unnecessary.#I'm not as outspoken as him though so I use them when I can't get out of it. But I hate it and I hate ppl using my name.#That scene was ASTOUNDING I'm telling you -- it took my breath away to find my very specific struggle onscreen!#Anyway. Yeah. She doesn't bug him or insist even though to her it's second nature.#I bet you she's very good at coming up with pet names -- another thing my autistic brain shrieks at and sth I suspect Alec finds impossible#Oh Ellie -- beautiful beautiful adorable strong wronged Ellie!#Wronged by everyone except him <3#Well and a few others -- Mark was kind to her despite his pain. Brian never treated her badly that we know of.#I will always love them for that.#I wish Jack had survived -- I think he would've been kind too. Maybe she would've hidden in his store when it got too much.
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zeynatura · 7 months
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Ranting about Nucani
There is something I want to express and this fandom should know.
Nu: Carnival is a Harem game but unlike most games in the genre the relationships with MC are all canon within the same story, there are no "Routes", no "Alternate Universe/Timelines", it's all 1 Main Story where you get to gradually meet all the Characters who'll be your companions, in this game named Clan members, and all of them one way or another end up falling for Eiden (MC), which makes polyam relationship canon with Eiden as the center:
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Like very few games have polyam representation, let alone a positive one, like yes the polycule it's very Eiden central but even then all the Clan Members interact with one another, as we see mainly in the time limited Events but also in the Main Story, and have friendly and amicable interactions, they rely on one another sometimes even without Eiden being involved.
But also, Aster and Morvay have a relationship established too since way before the events of the prologue of the game, Kuya and Quincy have hinted some sort of situationship (idk I don't care about Quincy and my knowledge about Kuya is limited to what happens in the story and events cause I have no limited SSRs nor have I read any of his Intimacy Rooms).
[Also if any of you knows of any other relationship that have been hinted at that i'm missing feel free to share, i specifically ask of you to refer to only canon, i know in fanon anything and everything is possible and sometimes we may be missperceiving some interactions between characters so i ask of you to take those rose tinted glasses off and see unfiltered canon, it's hard for me too ngl so dw]
All this started with some posts I saw about ppl feeling bad for Yakumo and/or Edmond to be "forced into a polyam relationship" when they are the "most romantic members" and "deserve a monogamous relationship", their words not mine, as if mono > poly , but also do you really think they're against it!?
One thing is being Clan Members against their will (which is all Huey's fault btw), having to work together to regulate the Altars' Essence (or their own) and then another one completely is involving themselves in a personal and intimate way with Eiden, which the latter they all did in their own terms and out of free will.
Also i wanna share one of the best and my fav scenes with Karu, which i know not everyone was able to experience it cause it's hidden in the Intimacy Rooms of a Limited SSR, but it expresses exactly why the polycule is consensual.
Context: Eiden has been worrying about forcing the Clan Members to be with him because he is the New Grand Sorcerer, against their will just because of Huey's magic that ties them together and the responsibility of Regulating the Altars and basically maintaining stability in the Klein Continent.
His worries began (at least that i noticed) in "Eerie Escapade" (Halloween Event), that was also the first time Garu got hurt while protecting Eiden and the first time Karu got mad at him and fronted to yell at Eiden (which is my another fav scene of Karu omg i love him so much i gotta go back and take screenshots of that but that's for another post), the second one being in "Army x Blood x Oath" (which are the screenshots i'll show u)
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Because this are the Intimacy Rooms of Garu/Karu's Limited SSR this scene focuses on Eiden feeling guilty because Garu got hurt in the past (Halloween Event) and this time he lost his memory (temporarily, due to this event's story) and Eiden blaming himself for it all and wondering if they would be better off without him, but the same can and is applied to the rest of the Clan Members, seeing how Eiden met and approached Rei while respecting his privacy and independency even tho he's also a Clan Member and the newest introduced in the story, means that the Limited Events are also canon and part of the story because Eiden seems to be growing and learning from previous Events and showing that development in future Events and the Main Story.
Karu also mentions that Garu (prior to losing his memories) was also worrying about the same thing Eiden was, like 'what if Master (Eiden) stays with us just because of the contract with Huey? :c' and he calls them both idiots because they don't communicate and fronts to fix it! (Mighty Karu to the rescue)
And talking about "Eerie Escapade" that is also the event where Yakumo's possessiveness towards Eiden shows, i'll admit i haven't seen the last room but i feel like those people i mentioned before are using it as fuel to their idea, because if Yakumo is jealous of other Clan Members interacting with Eiden and "Wants him all to himself" that must mean he wants a monogamous relationship, right?
WRONG!
That just means Yakumo is a complex person that feels different emotions specially when it comes to the most important person in his life (Eiden) other than his grandparents!
And Yakumo feels guilty for having those feelings, not because of them being in a polycule and he not wanting to be in it, but because he has trauma and sees his desires and wants as selfishness and he would never allow himself to be selfish cause he doesn't want to hurt people, he's a people's pleaser! He lives with constant fear of hurting others like the Great Serpent did when it killed many (but apparently there may be more that meets the eye, because the current event hinted that the Great Serpent actually liked humans and took care of children ???)
And Yakumo dealing with those feelings along with his yokai powers as a descendant of The Great Serpent have been the main topic of his last 3 Limited SSRs, which is great because that means CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~
Now unfortunately i cannot talk about Edmond's Intimacy Rooms as i'm missing ALL OF HIS SSRs (why do you hate me Edmond if ily) but from what i've seen he's also pretty happy being with Eiden, heck even HIS MOM is happy his son is with Eiden!
That's right, she's the first and only parent of the Clan Members that knows and approves of their relationship, if it weren't because most of them are orphan we could get many more... i wonder if Yakumo's grandparents are aware hmmm ... and we all know Olivine's parents are gonna HATE it xD and maybe Garu's wolf pack will approve of Eiden by the end of this event.
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