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abundanceofsoph · 10 months

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SkyFire 3: Chapter 18

Relationships - Beginnings, Middles, and Ends?

:September - October 2018

Word count: 3.6k

SkyFire 3 MASTERLIST

As the end of September began to near, Niall returned to London and he caught up with Aurora for lunch. They sat outside a cafe nearby the studios, enjoying the sunshine. Niall had spent the last half an hour lamenting his dating woes to his happily married friend.

“It’s not fair,” he sighed. “You and Harry are perfect for each other and Lou and Elanor are back together and happy… I just want that, you know?”

“I do,” Rori agreed. “I’ve never known you to have a hard time meeting women though.”

“It’s not meeting them that’s the problem,” Niall replied. “It’s easy to start dating someone, it’s keeping it going that’s hard.”

“Maybe you just need help picking better options. What are you looking for?”

“Honestly? Someone that I can just be myself around.”

“You didn’t feel that way with the others?”

“It always ends up feeling like they’re dating Niall Horan,” he explained and Rori knew what he meant immediately. Being famous could be really fun and it came with a lot of benefits, but the downside was that it was often hard to know if people genuinely liked you or just liked your name and what it represented. “I just want to find a normal girl,” Niall continued, “with a normal job that wants to settle down. I want something serious.”

Aurora was quiet for a moment, her thoughts ticking over. Perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones, or perhaps it was the stability of staying in one place for several months for the first time in years, but Aurora was feeling overwhelmingly content and wanted to ensure those around her were too. “I might know the perfect girl, actually.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I’ve actually always thought the two of you would be great together but whenever one of you is single, the other’s been in a relationship or on a dating break.”

“Who is she?”

“Ella,” Rori explained.

“Ella’s not interested in me,” Niall scoffed.

“Are you kidding me? She’s always had a bit of a crush but you either weren’t available or she was too intimidated. You should ask her out.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Aurora promised. “Call her and ask to take her to dinner. I promise you won't regret it.”

xXx

The following week, Louis and Rori were talking about the fact that Louis had been speaking with Zayn the previous day.

“So you’ve fully patched things up now?” Rori asked.

“I wouldn’t say we’ll ever be like we were in the band,” Louis admitted. “I think too much has happened for us to go back to being brothers like that, but I feel we’ve fixed things enough to be friends.”

“I’m glad,” Rori said. “I mean, I’m not glad you’ll never be like it was in the band, but I’m glad you can be friends again. I was hurt when he cut us all off, but I know it was way worse for you than it was for me.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s a combination of getting out of all of that toxic shit and also just growing up, but I can look at it now and I get that he needed to get out to save himself.”

“I tried to call him so many times afterwards,” Rori admitted. “He probably blocked me because I never heard from him.”

“I think he changed his number.”

“That makes sense,” Rori nodded. Louis watched as she fidgeted with the pen on the table in front of her, her eyes locked on the blue plastic.

“Do you want his new number?” he asked. “Maybe now’s a good time to heal old wounds.”

She finally looked up to meet his gaze. “Do you think he’d even want to talk to me after all these years?”

“He replied to me when I reached out, and you didn’t drag him online like I did.”

“Maybe you could give him my number and tell him it’s ok if he doesn’t want to talk to me, but I’m here if he does?”

“I can do that,” Louis agreed with a soft smile.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

xXx

Zayn texted her 3 days later, asking if she wanted to get a coffee and she quickly accepted.

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this?” Harry asked for a third time that morning.

“Because I have questions,” Rori explained again as she buttoned her jeans up in their walk-in closet. She watched Harry in the reflection of the mirror as he stood in the bedroom behind her.

“Like what?” Harry scoffed. “Why was he a selfish prick that blew everything up instead of just talking to us?”

“Harry,” Rori sighed. She was exhausted from having this same argument on repeat for the last several days. “I’ve already explained this so many times. He was my friend, he was in pain and I missed it. I want to know how I missed it. I want to know what I could have done differently so that he could have felt safe talking to me.”

“What he did wasn’t on you,” Harry argued. “The only person responsible for what he did was him.”

“I have to go or I’m going to be late.”

“Yeah, sure. Just dismiss me again.”

“Harry I can’t have this fight with you right now and honestly I don’t want to have any fight with you. I’m going now and I really hope you get this attitude in check by the time I get home.”

xXx

Zayn was already waiting for her in a booth when she arrived at the Golden Stag. It was awkward at first, with neither of them knowing what to say or how to start.

“I read you and Harry bought the place,” Zayn said after several awkward pauses in conversation.

“We did, yeah,” Rori nodded. “Helen and Greg couldn’t afford to keep it and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye so we bought it and have been updating it a bit.”

“Fresh coat of paint?” Zayn asked.

“That and the stage,” Rori agreed, gesturing over to the small platform that had been recently built in the far corner of the room near where her piano was set up. “We want to start organising open mic nights. Music, Comedy, and maybe even some pub trivia nights. Just some different ways to get people in and spending their money, you know?”

“Sounds awesome. You guys have really got things sorted by the sounds of things.”

“We’re certainly trying… How about you Zayn? How’s your life been?”

They chatted for a while, updating each other on their lives before finally building up the courage to talk about what had ended their friendship all those years ago.

“I really am sorry I ghosted you,” Zayn finally admitted. “The guys were just so angry when I told them, I couldn’t imagine you feeling differently. Especially with how angry Harry was.”

“Harry’s temper has always been his downfall,” Rori admitted. “Especially when he uses it to mask when he’s been hurt. I won't lie, you hurt me but I understood you were protecting yourself.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t written a song about it to be honest,” Zayn admitted. “Most of the boys have.”

“I did,” Rori replied, “a few years ago.”

“D’you ever record it?”

“No, I sold it,” Rori replied. “Wanna hear it?”

“Yeah I would,” Zayn agreed, watching quietly as Rori pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened spotify. She queued up the track before handing a headphone to Zayn and placing the other in her own ear. She didn’t miss the slight flinch as his fingers brushed her prosthetic. The opening piano riff of Tell Me How filled their ears, and then Hayley Williams started to sing the words that Aurora had written years ago, only a few months after Zayn had vanished. He refused to meet her eye as the first verse played, and instead stared at his hands, clasped together on the table between them.

I can't call you a stranger

But I can't call you

I know you think that I erased you

You may hate me, but I can't hate you

And I won't replace you

Tell me how to feel about you now

He didn’t lift his gaze until the bridge, finally looking up at his former friend.

You keep me up with your silence

Take me down with your quiet

Of all the weapons you fight with

Your silence is the most violent

“I never really thought about the damage I caused when I left,” he finally said when the song ended. “I knew the guys would hate me but beyond that I didn’t stop to consider anyone else.”

“I meant what I said before, I don’t blame you,” Rori replied. “You were fighting for survival. It’s not selfish to save your own life.”

“You make what I did sound noble.”

“Maybe not noble, but definitely necessary,” she elaborated. “I’m just sorry we didn’t see it happening and step in to save you first. We failed you.”

“No,” he replied. “No, I was ashamed so I hid what I was feeling until I couldn't anymore.”

“Can we agree that we both could have done better?” Aurora offered as an olive branch. “I’m pretty sure we could go back and forth over whose fault it was forever and we’d never get anywhere.”

“I think that seems fair,” Zayn agreed with a soft smile.

Aurora smiled back, turning the conversation to lighter topics and within minutes it felt like they were back on a tour bus all those years ago, sharing quiet conversations on long drives in the middle of the night. Things were going great and flowing easily, but Aurora couldn’t ignore the way Zayn’s eyes would occasionally flick down to where her prosthetic was resting on the table. Everytime it happened it was just for a split second and for a while she tried to convince herself that she was imagining it. Eventually she couldn’t ignore it any longer and certainly couldn’t ignore the way his brows would pinch together slightly.

“Do you have a problem with my prosthetic?” she finally asked, a little more bluntly than she intended.

“What?” Zayn gasped. “No, god no.”

“You keep looking at it and frowning and it’s hard to think of another reason,” she explained. “I understand that it makes some people uncomfortable but honestly Zayn…”

“No,” he interrupted. “No, it’s not that, I promise.”

“Then what is it?”

“When I saw the news about the shooting,” Zayn started. “When I saw that footage of Steve carrying you to the ambulance, it was awful.”

“I hear that a lot,” Rori replied.

“And I felt so guilty,” he continued.

“Why would you feel guilty?”

“Because I was a terrible friend to you and I thought you were going to die hating me.”

“But I didn’t die,” she pointed out, “and I never hated you. Why didn’t you reach out then?”

“Because I’m a coward,” Zayn admitted, “and I thought you and the guys hated me for what I did. It would have been selfish of me to show back up then.”

“Zayn there’s nothing I would have loved more than for you to reach out after the shooting.”

“I’m so sorry, Rori. I’m sorry for everything.”

“I know you are,” she offered with a smile, “and I forgive you, just like Louis does. We were all just kids and we fucked up a lot of things back then.”

“Do you think Harry will ever forgive me too?” Zayn asked and in that moment he seemed so small and so young. “I’ve spoken to Niall and Liam since Louis and I patched things up but it’s been radio silence from Harry. It’s why I was so surprised when Lou gave me your number and said you wanted to reach out.”

“Harry’s stubborn,” Rori sighed. “He’s still holding on to a lot of anger and I don’t know whether he’ll ever let it go.”

“Yeah, I thought as much,” Zayn agreed. “Can’t imagine he was thrilled about today.”

“He’s not,” Rori agreed. “We’ve kind of been fighting about it for the last couple of days.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. He’s been a bit of a dick lately, but I guess that’s a part of being married. Sometimes the person you’re married to acts like a dick and you put up with it until they pull their head out of their arse and apologise.”

“Are you happy, Rori?” Zayn asked softly. “I mean apart from the current predicament of your husband being a dickhead?”

“I am,” she replied with a chuckle. “Are you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“I’m glad. We deserve that.”

It was late afternoon by the time they said their farewells with promises to stay in touch and Aurora made her way home, hoping that Harry would be in a better mood than when she’d left.

xXx

Harry hadn’t continued their argument when she’d returned to their flat, but over the next few weeks his bad mood continued and while Rori was pretty sure she’d caused it, she couldn't for the life of her figure out what she’d done wrong.

A week before the first live shows were set to begin, and a week after Aurora entered her second trimester, she was starting to feel exhausted and her feet ached constantly. By the end of each day all she wanted to do was get home as quickly as possible so that she could curl up and fall asleep. It was a Thursday in October and after a long day working with her contestants, Aurora headed straight home, barely making it to the couch before she collapsed in a hump and fell asleep. When she woke, it was dark and she could hear Harry coming into the apartment, he’d just slammed the door which is what had woken her up. She was groggy and it took her a moment to catch up to what was happening and the fact that he was yelling.

“Where the fuck were you Aurora?” he bellowed.

“What are you talking about Harry?'' she mumbled as she struggled to catch up with what was happening. .

“I said where were you?”he repeated, looming over her where she was still laying on the sofa.

“I was right here,” she replied. “Why are you yelling at me?”

“Because you were supposed to meet me in Soho for dinner with the movie execs and you never showed! I thought something happened to you and now I get home to find you asleep on the sofa. What the fuck Rori?”

“No, dinner isn’t till Thursday.”

“It is Thursday and you weren’t there!”

“Oh god!” Rori gasped, placing a hand over her mouth in dawning realization. “I’m so sorry, Harry.”

“I asked one thing,” Harry continued to shout, his anger not abating as he berated her. “I asked my wife to be supportive of me for one fucking meal and you couldn’t be bothered to show up for me!”

“Harry I’m sorry,” Rori sobbed, “I was exhausted and I genuinely didn’t realize it was tonight. Can we reschedule?” She stood up from the sofa, reaching out for him, but taking a quick step back when he lurched away from her.

“No, Aurora! Because not everyone on this planet is just going to change their plans to fit around you. My god, when did you become so selfish?”

“That’s not fair, Harry. Please stop yelling at me.”

“No. I'm mad and I have every right to be and if I want to yell in my own home then I’m damn well going to!”

“I'm sorry. How can I fix this? Please, just let me fix this,” she begged.

“You can start thinking about anyone but yourself for starters.”

“Do you really think that? That I’m selfish? That I don’t think of you?”

“You’ve made it pretty bloody obvious lately, haven’t you? There’s a reason we're here in London. There’s a reason you’re pregnant with a kid that’s not ours.”

“Both things that you agreed to,” she reminded him.

“I guess I just didn’t realize I was agreeing to everything being all about you.”

At that, something in her snapped and the anger rose in her to meet her husband's temper. “Is it all about me Harry? or is it that for the first time in our marriage, I don’t revolve around you like you're the sun? Is your little narcissistic ego bruised because I’m doing something for me for once?”

“This isn’t about my ego. This is about yours! This is supposed to be a partnership. We’re supposed to be doing things together. But you seem pretty happy off on your own.”

“We can’t be joined at the hip! That’s not healthy,” Rori yelled. “I’m more than just your wife or the girl who plays piano in your band.”

“You’ve made that painfully clear. Honestly I don’t even know why I’m here.”

Aurora felt like she’d been slapped. She’d known Harry had been angry for weeks. She’d known that something was wrong between them, but she hadn’t realised how much he had grown to resent her. She felt so betrayed by him in that moment that she lashed out, saying the worst thing she could in that moment. “Why are you then?” she screamed. “If you want to be in LA writing your next big hit then just go! Don’t let your selfish wife hold you back. You just go and live your rockstar dreams and surround yourself with people desperate to make it all about you.”

“You know what? I will.” Without another word, Harry turned on his heel and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him, the sound echoing in the dead silence left in his wake.

The silence that was finally broken by the smashing of the glass fruit bowl as Aurora lashed out at it, causing it to fly off the end of the kitchen counter and shatter against the tile floor. She looked at the broken shards for a moment before turning on her heel and heading to their bedroom, angrily throwing herself onto the bed that smelt of her and Harry.

xXx

She barely slept, unable to stop Harry’s angry words from swirling around her head. She felt so defeated and so incredibly guilty for not seeing how much her actions had been affecting him. Of course she knew that Harry’s feelings were his own responsibility and that he was being unfair to accuse her of being selfish for taking the X Factor job, or for being her parents' surrogate. He should have talked to her about how he felt about the changes they had made recently, but that didn’t stop her feeling guilty for hurting him, whether she’d meant to or not.

By the time she heard the front door open, she’d decided that the best thing for them would be for Harry to go to LA and write while she stayed and finished the show. She climbed out of bed, still wearing the clothes from the day before, and met him in the living room. He looked awful, his clothes disheveled and his hair a mess. Even from a few feet away, she could smell the bourbon wafting off him and she wondered if he was still drunk.

“I’m so sorry for last night,” she began, her voice soft in the awkward atmosphere.

“Rori…” Harry began with a gravely, pleading tone.

“No, please let me go first,” she interrupted. “I let you down last night and I feel terrible for it.” Harry’s head dropped lower as she spoke, unable to meet her eye and his guilt was painfully clear to see, but she pushed on regardless. “While I think a lot that you said last night was out of line, you were also right about some things too.”

“Rori, please just let me…” Harry tried again.

“Harry, I think you should go to LA to write,” Rori continued. “You can stay at Dad’s Malibu house and you can work on the next album and I actually think it could be really healthy for us to have some time apart for a few weeks or a couple of months. I mean most couples don’t work together every day and maybe we just need to reestablish ourselves as individuals.”

“Rori I slept with someone,” Harry confessed. She froze, shocked beyond words and unsure what to do. “I was so angry when I left here that I went straight to a club and I got so black out drunk and this girl was all over me and I hate myself.”

“You need to leave,” she finally said.

“Rori, baby. I’m so sorry. I was so stupid and I don’t…” Harry began.

“I said you need to leave,” she repeated quietly. “Go to LA, get a hotel, go stay with Anne. I don’t care where you go but I want you out of this house.”

“Baby, please.”

“Harry, I swear to god if you don’t start packing a bag, I will. I love you, but I don’t want to even look at you right now.”

“Let’s just talk about this.”

“GET OUT!” she screamed, finally unleashing the pain that was burning its way through her chest. “Get out and don’t come back until I’m ready. I mean it Harry, if there is any chance for us to save this, then you need to give me space.”

She didn’t give him a chance to respond as she headed for the door, grabbing her coat and bag on her way out the door. She didn’t pause to put on shoes, simply scooping them up as she walked out barefoot.

Author's Note: I am so sorry for this one but I had to put them through this to make Fine Line

NEXT CHAPTER - coming soon

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

#skyfire fic #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #dad!tony #step dad steve rogers #harry styles angst #aurora stark #aurora styles #nial horan fanfic #zayn fanfic #husband harry styles

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unopenablebox · 3 years

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giving up completely on using a set of name/pronoun/relationship identifiers that will be coherent to work friends

like, i said im gay, you’ve heard one person they/them me once and i exclusively refer to myself as male rhetorically, and i both use he/him for my partner and describe them as “my girlfriend”, figure it out and then don’t tell me what you think you’ve decoded

#box opener #when i finally start hormones in a year i won't tell you about that either so get used to guessing now #this feels so hostile but i hate coming out and im not going to do it anymore

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extravaguk · 3 years

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pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

wordcount: 15k

genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)

warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much

author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!

Inkphoria

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.

Inkphoria

You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'

You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.

'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'

But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.

'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'

That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.

The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks

"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."

Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.

"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."

She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"

"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."

"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"

"Nipples. Like, one of them."

Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."

The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.

Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.

"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.

He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?

"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."

September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.

Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.

So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.

"It's fine. I can do it."

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"JK, sweetheart!"

Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.

"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."

Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.

"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.

Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.

Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.

It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.

Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.

And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.

Dammit.

He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.

He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.

"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.

You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.

Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."

So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-

He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.

"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.

Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.

Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.

"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.

You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-

"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.

"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.

"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.

"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.

"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-

He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.

Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.

"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-

He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."

He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.

"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."

But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.

"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."

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"Let me see!"

It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.

When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.

But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.

Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.

You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.

Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.

So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.

So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.

But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.

But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.

You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.

It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.

And oh, did it react.

He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.

There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.

You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.

And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'

You swear you almost came right on his table.

And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.

So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.

"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"

"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."

At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"

"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."

There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"

You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.

"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."

Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.

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You know he's here.

Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.

It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.

You don't see him, but you feel him.

You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.

You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.

You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.

To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-

Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.

You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.

"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"

Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."

When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.

"You okay?"

The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.

"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.

Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.

Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.

"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.

"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."

"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"

"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.

Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.

And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.

"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"

You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.

"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"

"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."

"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.

"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.

He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.

His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.

Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.

Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.

Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.

Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.

"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.

"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.

"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."

Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.

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Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.

He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.

He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.

He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.

So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.

He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.

You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.

He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.

"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.

"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.

"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"

Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"

"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."

Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.

"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"

Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"

"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.

"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"

"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"

Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."

"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"

It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."

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You've made up your mind.

And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.

It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.

Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?

You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.

You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.

But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.

So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.

And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.

"Fuck him."

"I know right? Fuck him!"

"No. I mean, fuck him."

And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.

"A date."

"Yes."

"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"

He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.

"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."

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Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.

He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?

"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.

He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.

How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.

But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.

He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.

It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.

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It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.

You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-

"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."

"Sharon Stone?"

"Chaelin's cat."

To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.

He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"

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Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.

You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.

You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.

To your surprise, none of that happened.

The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.

There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.

It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.

"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.

Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.

"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.

At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"

"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."

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tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.

At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.

But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.

It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.

"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.

You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.

"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.

"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."

There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.

"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.

"Jungkook."

You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.

"You have to stop saying my name like that."

With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.

"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.

"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.

But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.

The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.

He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.

"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.

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"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."

"Yes."

"And you came before the ride was over."

You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."

She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.

"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"

There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."

There's another pause, and then-

"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"

You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.

Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.

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It's not that you're mad.

Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.

Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.

'Next time, maybe.'

And there hasn't been a next time.

The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.

But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.

It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.

Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.

'you free on saturday?'

You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.

So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.

And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.

You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.

You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.

A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.

"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.

Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.

"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.

Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.

You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.

His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.

"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.

You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.

It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.

"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.

Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.

"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.

"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.

"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.

There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."

Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.

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At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.

Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.

"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.

"Rocky road."

"Why?"

He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."

You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."

"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.

"Okay, fine. Why?"

"You're boring and basic."

You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."

You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.

You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.

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The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.

It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.

It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.

It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.

It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.

Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.

But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.

You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.

Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.

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Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.

It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.

He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.

He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.

And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.

Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.

He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.

"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.

"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.

"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.

"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."

Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.

"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."

"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"

You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.

Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.

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There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.

"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.

"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."

You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.

He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."

"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.

"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"

"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"

"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"

You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"

He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"

"Ju- "

"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."

Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.

You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.

"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't laugh."

That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.

She doesn't laugh at all.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."

"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."

"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."

"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.

"I know. I'm just sad."

"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."

"I know."

There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.

"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.

He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.

He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.

He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Inkphoria.

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.

'You're crazy about him.'

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.

'And he's cazy about you too.'

Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.

That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.

The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."

You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"

"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.

"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.

She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-

Knock knock.

He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"

He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.

"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.

"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"

"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."

Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.

You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."

"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."

You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"

"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"

The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."

He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.

He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.

This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.

"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.

Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.

"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.

"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.

Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.

He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #bts #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook fic

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tinkertayler · 3 years

Text

Farscape's “Look at the Princess" Trilogy is...

...weird. It's a fairy tale and a spy thriller wrapped up in a love story and sealed with a kiss (literally). It foregrounds John and Aeryn's romance more than ever before. While plenty of other things happen - Scorpius shows up; there's political drama; a secret agent babe bones John in a lake (because, why not?); and Chiana and D'Argo have a lot of sex (because... why not?) - at its core, the "Princess" arc is a deconstruction of John and Aeryn's romantic relationship. Specifically, it examines Aeryn's fear of commitment, John's desire for it, and the conflict this creates between them. It's an arc that - like Farscape as a series overall - has many components, but they all revolve around the blazing sun of John and Aeryn's True Love.

Am I speaking out of turn? I DON'T THINK SO.

I must concede that I am an unabashed romantic with a proclivity for viewing every story through a romantic lens. I am a predictable, lovesick bitch on main - you can count on me to hyper-fixate on romance, always. However, while I definitely approach everything from that bias, I am also just, like... watching this show unfold, and I swear: it's not just me. Farscape knows what kind of story it's telling. Farscape knows it's a love story in space. Farscape lives at the intersection of genre fiction and romantic drama, which just so happens to be my FAVORITE PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE. John and Aeryn are central to the story and essential to its success, and Farscape is self-aware enough to recognize this and embrace it.

Each part of the "Princess" trilogy contains a critical romantic moment: their first kiss in part 1, their dramatic goodbye in part 2, and their final kiss in part 3. I wanna talk about each of these moments, because, again, I'm a lovesick bitch on main. So, let's talk.

PART 1

The episode opens with Aeryn and John in John's module. She's trying to teach him a new flight maneuver, but it's a hopeless endeavor because they are sitting too close and flirting too much. John quickly gets distracted by the scent of perfume in Aeryn's hair, and it gets STEAMY. The sexual tension is HOT, it's molten, it's BURNING A HOLE IN THE HULL. Get a room, you two. (Sidenote: I am kind of furious we weren't allowed to see the conversation between Aeryn and Zhaan that led to Zhaan giving her that perfume. I bet it was adorable.)

Sadly, their intimate moment is swiftly derailed by Aeryn's fear of just how close they are becoming. She's in love, and it's making her vulnerable and messing with her head. She wears perfume to attract him, but when he finds it attractive, she insists "IT'S NOT FOR YOU TO LIKE" and "PERSONAL INDULGENCES CAN FRACTURE A SMALL CREW" and "I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO YOUR HORMONES". She wants him to get close, but when he does, the feelings become too intense and scary for her and she runs away, leaving him stranded. Oh, Aeryn. You're a MESS.

Unlike Aeryn, John has no fear of vulnerability or commitment. He wants both, all the time. He's a romantic, and has been waiting for her to figure out her feelings and meet him where he is since mid-s1. And while he's been very patient and understanding for a long time, at this point he has been through some major psychological trauma and is frequently struggling to maintain his sanity, let alone his patience.

This arc forces Aeryn to confront the possible consequences of her emotional distance and unwillingness to commit to a relationship. She stands on the sidelines and watches as John kisses other ladies, holds his future children, and gets married to another woman. She wrestles with big questions: if she keeps pushing him away, will he give up and move on? Will she be alone, and is that what she really wants? Is she willing - able - to be totally vulnerable with him?

PART 2

After his failed escape attempt and near-death experience in space, John feels battered and broken. He asks Aeryn what to do when there's no fight left. She tells him to “run away”. Searching her eyes, gently touching her hair, he asks "...with you?" (the hair touch is such a quiet callback to the first scene and I am DEVASTATED, DON'T). Her eyes scream "YES, WITH ME" but she is terrified of her feelings and of expressing them, so she stays guarded and says "with all of us, together". It is at this point that John pulls away from her and, after she insists he can't just quit, he tells her "I'm not quitting, I just can't go on".

On the surface, they're talking about the situation John is physically trapped in on the planet. Beneath that, they're talking about the situation he is emotionally trapped in - their relationship. L A Y E R S. In both cases, he's ready to accept defeat because he feels he's out of options and hope. On the planet, he can either resign himself to Scorpius' brain dissection (and subsequent insanity), or settle for a forced marriage to the Princess (and spend 80 years as a statue). With Aeryn, he can either continue playing what feels like an eternal game of cat-and-mouse, or stop pursuing her altogether. Undesirable choices abound. Ultimately, he's tired. Tired of the chase and the evasion. He wants to settle down. If he's to run away, he at least needs someone to run away with him, rather than run away from him.

It deserves to be noted that while they're talking, they are approximately 3 inches from each other's faces, staring straight into each other's souls. They are obviously in love and obviously both aware of it. But they are also, as previously noted, both in emotionally fragile states.

John is kind of a mess: he's still dealing with psychological fallout from s1, he keeps getting used as a pawn by aliens in their galactic games, and on top of it all, the girl he loves won't commit to a relationship. He is arguably less patient and understanding post-brain damage than he was before it, and is frustrated by Aeryn's inability to be open with him. He's losing his grip and desperately searching for stability, but is not finding it anywhere.

As for Aeryn, she's also kind of a mess: she's still trying to overcome her Just Say No to Feelings Peacekeeper upbringing and come to terms with the fact that she's falling in love. She is compelled to resist and avoid the emotions that consume her; she doesn't know how to process them.

Their apparent willingness to give up on each other - something they have never done before - is only a consideration in either of their minds because they are each overwhelmed, for their own reasons, and are not thinking or acting rationally as a result.

PART 3

Fast forward to the end. John narrowly escapes 80 years of life as a bronze statue AND a brain dissection courtesy of Scorpius. Aeryn, having had time to mull everything over, finally musters the courage to admit her feelings... sort of. In her own way.

When Aeryn presents John with the vial, he knows, she knows, we ALL know what it means - she's considering her, and their, future. She wants to know if their DNA is Compatible with a capital C the way his and Princess Katralla's DNA was Compatible. Bringing the vial to John is Aeryn’s way of admitting, against her better judgement and despite her fears, that she loves him. She wants to be with him. She wants his attention. The perfume in her hair was for him to like, after all.

Aeryn's newfound vulnerability is what makes their final kiss so different from their first (and from any they’ve shared up to this point, really). She told him back in part 1 she wants to talk less, and she meant it. It’s still hard for her to vocalize her feelings; not a single word is exchanged here. She doesn't make a grand romantic declaration, but she does reveal her true feelings. She commits. Silently.

In the end, they both start to move past their personal hang-ups. If they are to have a future together, Aeryn recognizes she needs to be more emotionally vulnerable, and John recognizes he needs to give Aeryn space and time. The kiss confirms their genetic compatibility, but almost more importantly it confirms that Aeryn is just as invested in their relationship as John is, even if she's not yet able to verbalize how she feels. If there was any doubt after their angst-filled goodbye, the kiss makes it clear: Aeryn isn't quitting, and she hopes John won't quit, either. She doesn't want to run away from him, but she's willing to run away with him.

#will now proceed to listen to crj's 'run away with me' for the next hour #no profound insights here. i just. needed to digest this story #or at least try #and WOW this post got away from me #how on brand #long post #john x aeryn #look at the princess #farscape #farscapecaps

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xtrash-writing-trashx420 · 3 years

Text

Cheeky Minx || John Shelby x OC

//Welcoming the New Recruit//

"Makenna Aoife MacTavish, A.K.A. Makenna Muldoon; Duchess of Glenbrook, Aged 23

Served at the Somme as a field nurse and,"

The man before me takes a pause and looks up at me in faux surprise, as if the information on the paper he's gawking at isn't exactly why he's come seeking me out, and then continues in an almost condescending manner;

"Hm... and soforth was awarded title as Duchess and Sole Proprietor of Glenbrook Estates and Enterprises in Boston for her acts of valor.," He pauses again to throw down the file he was reading and light himself a cigarette.

I take in every detail, knowing that this meeting can end up only one of two ways, and assess the scenario. Tilting my head slightly and leaning back into the armchair in front of his desk, I cross my legs; his eyes glance from his ministrations with the box of matches he's holding and zip down to my left thigh where one strip of honeyed milk lies perfectly exposed between my black leather garter holster and my thigh-high nylon stockings.

I see the slight glint of mirth cross his steel blue eyes as he catches my not-so-subtle warning and continues to light his cigarette. I watch as he pulls his drag, the way his fingers just barely drape the stick of tobacco between them without effort, the way his eyes study mine, the way his free hand keeps switching between his knee and the top of the desk.

'A gangster like this doesn't get nervous over one woman with a snubnose purse pistol... Who is he waiting for?'

"I'll take one, while your at it." He smirks at this, and goes to hand me the one he's smoking. It's my turn to smirk, as I nod to his pack.

"A new one, if you don't mind." He raises his eyebrow, but nevertheless, complies. As I lean forward to take the cigarette, he lights another match and lights it for me, leaning over his desk so I don't have to.

'A gentlemanly gangster, not too hard on the eyes either.,' I admit to myself, studying his sharp features and piercing eyes.

Finally, after what seems like ages of simply sitting across and analyzing eachother, he continues.

"You're titled Duchess of Glenbrook but the common people call you Miss Kenna. You have 15 bars, 2 breeders farms, a horse track and 27 plots of real estate, and that's just in London alone. Glenbrook Estates is what, a mansion? And it says here you have 3 vacation homes as well." He scoffs and throws the file down on his desk.

"Well, let's get on with it, Mr. Shelby, as you well know, I'm a busy woman.," My voice is far too suave for my liking, but the situation calls for a little theater. "I would assume you called me here for a reason, this is hardly the place for a business meeting with someone of my status."

I sound like a proper posh cunt, and it seems as if he's taking the bait as he groans out a sigh and leans back into his chair. He lifts a hand to rub his temples, and then slams his fist on his desk in a motion so fast and loud, I was almost startled.

Almost.

He seems unfazed my lack of reaction, and continues on.

"Let's not pretend like you don't know what I want. You have influence all over, spies everywhere, and a very high standing. Everyone knows who you are. Nothing happens without you knowing about it.-"

"-As if I don't already know that-" I snappily interject.

"And I want your men, and your cooperation when we take over London. You're the most untouchable woman in all of North America. If you tell someone not to fuck with us, they won't. And those that do, you have ways of making it so they never existed."

I frown, sinking into the armchair infront of his desk once more and taking a long drag of my smoke.

"I see."

For the next few minutes we simply stare at eachother while we finish off our smokes, picking, analyzing, contemplating. Finally, after he offers me the crystal ashtray to put out, I appraise him and ask one simple question.

"What do you want from me?"

~~~~~~~

It's been 2 months since my meeting with Thomas Shelby at his gambling den, and 6 days since our last correspondence.

"Pack what you can in a suitcase and my men will come to collect you on Thursday. You're not safe."

No explanation, no reasoning, just that little tidbit over the phone while gunshots rang true and the sounds of men fighting grumbled in the background before he abruptly hung up. And since Thursday had come and gone the day after the call, I had resorted to relieving all of my staff save for my most trusted.

The only ones left on premises were my gate guards, my doormen, and my butler amd personal guard Carleton, who had only worked for me for 2 years but I was rather well aquanted with. We had hit it off rather well, and I considered him more friend than staff. He was a tall, broad shouldered Jewish man with a scruffy, large beard and bright eyes that reminded me of a child's, with a contradictory scowl that would make a grizzly piss himself.

Initially after receiving the warning, I had brushed it off without care. Being hunted was nothing new to me after all, being a woman who had served in the war and in other more internal battles of politics. But this was different.

I remember after the call I had snorted in laughter, summing it up as a joke and continuing on with my day. I had been untouchable, faceless and anonymous since the war. Only the most internal government files and most skilled intelligence organizations even knew what I looked like, let alone my real name. That was what had led me to agree to take up business with Thomas in the first place. But 2 months into business with the bloke and I show up to my race track to find every single one of my employees and horses shot and beat to hell.

Since then, I had taken to locking myself in my art studio with my easels and paints to distract myself; though it did little to nothing to soothe my racing mind. For the millionth time in just that day, I wondered why I wasn't safe, I wondered if Thomas and his Blinders had been picked off by their enemies, I wondered if my name had been let slip by one of his lackies in a braw deal that ended badly. I couldn't understand how I had gone from being untouchable, to going into hiding.

The only constant in each equation was none other than Thomas Shelby, and I made a mental note to tear him a new asshole when I got the chance.

I gave a start, knocked from my thoughts as Carleton entered with my afternoon tea, and my paintbrush skewed off stroke.

"Oh, fuck." I swore crassly, looking around my desk to find the paint I had used on the background to cover my mistake; not noticing my butler's sarcastic and smug grin over my classless use of vulgarity.

"Your tea, and lunch, Miss Muldoon." He presented my tray with grandiose show of putting it on my desk and lifting the cover to reveal my tea and what looked to be ladyfingers and some sort of meat sandwich. I didn't care, I was starving and anxious, so I sat and ate, thankful for the distraction.

"Don't be so smug, Carleton, I'm going mad up here." I complained as I ate, gesturing around me. "That smug bastard Shelby is going to pay for this. I've lived so comfortably until now."

"Speaking of, madam, you received a telegram."

"Oh bother, burn it."

"It seems important, ma'am. It mentions the race track."

At this I lean back to look over at him, he's moved clear halfway across the room to speak, and he's shifting his weight and wringing his hands. I sigh, and wave him on. He reads it out slowly, and I "tsk" in disappointment.

"You haven't been practicing," I chastise him, pulling a "give it here" motion with my fingers and taking the telegraph from him as soon as he's close enough. "Have you even read any of the practice books I've given you?"

"...No, ma'am, it's more difficult when you're not helping."

I glance at him with an incredulous look.

"That's no excuse, and you know it." I say, finally taking a moment to look at and read the telegraph in my hands, but it doesn't matter, because as soon as I go to focus, a gunshot resounds from outside the estate by the gates.

With a start, I get up and run to the window, moving the curtains to get a better view. I hear Carleton move the opposite way, closing the doors behind him as he leaves.

I continue to watch out the window, trying to see whats happening, though not to much success. The large fountain in my front garden is centre view from this room and all I can see behind it is a motorcar at my gate and my gatemen pointing their rifles at it. As I walk along the windows to try to catch a better view, I just barely see an arm come out the window of the motorcar with a piece of paper clutched in their outstretched hand before my gatemen move to unlock the gate and let the car through.

That's all I need to see to know.

The Peaky Blinders are outside my house.

(SO this will be a series based off of a slightly Mary-Sue character but it just is part of the story, please don't hate me for it lol. It'll make sense as to why she's this massive standing character later on. She's still a normal ass broad with hormones and issues so its okay lmfao. But anywhoooo, this is basically just a filler character intro to explain why Kenna is around and stuff. John will be in the next chapter, don't worry 😉 also my dumbass didn't proof-read this because its 6:00am and I NEED sleep. )

#john shelby imagine #john shelby x reader #thomas shelby #john shelby #arthur shelby #polly shelby #michael shelby #michael gray #peaky blinders imagine #peaky fucking blinders

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waokevale · 4 years

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Porcelain Face - Chapter 2

[One year ago]

Logan has finally graduated from collage and started his new job as a teacher at the local high school.

Similar to the students teachers were also introduced by the principal, but more formal.

The principal has showed him his new class meanwhile also telling him about the car accident the previous teacher had as Logan tried to make a pitiful expression on his face.

It was hard, since most of your life you lacked emotions like some heartless robot.

After that he perceived to talk to them as he examined all of their faces. Nothing has surprised him until he saw a boy with an interesting "face" or more exactly a paper material mask that could somehow change it's expression, which was also a little burned and scratched either meaning the boy has probably gone through a lot or he just had a worn off mask on his face.

The students all looked differently at him

Some were excited, some were curious, some bored or unimpressed and others....Ugh...let's just say their face wanted to do the illegal things from the movies that Logan despised yet had a contact with them somehow.

Mostly girls...The dressed up ones specifically.

The mysterious cardboard boy though had especially different expression than everybody else, at least his mask showed a different one.

It was somewhat of fear and anxiousness, like Logan was some sort of a threat to him.

He could as well examine what is wrong later as he was told by the principal to start his lesson or at least hear what the students wanted to say about themselves...

And so they did.

Most of them were stereotypical.

Popular girls, mean kids, intelligent one's that lacked sleep, (that Logan could tell because of the bags under their eyes) or so called nerds, gaming kids who too lacked sleep, loners and theatre kids.

Nothing much changed in these 5 years that had passed since he attended high school.

It was rather disappointing for him to say.

Then again...It finally came to the cardboard kid.

He wasn't like most of them, some of them were very confident while they were talking, some were bored and some stuttered a bit but managed to say what they intended to.

This kid was quiet. it was clear, that he tried to form words behind his mask but wasn't able to until someone else has spoken.

-"He's just a quiet freak, that's what he is!" Some kid laughed.

The boy in the mask was getting even more nervous from the unnecessary attention and the laughter from the other kids.

-"That's enough!" - Logan yelled emotionlessly as the class that was giggling went silent.

-"Listen to me James, it was clearly not funny for either me or the boy, I'm wondering how would you feel at his place.

But I hope you learn one thing from this lesson, no one should care about your idiotic opinions, might as well keep them to yourself, won't you?" Logan kept talking with a dead look on his face and voice that could be described as Arctic cold yet venomous like a viper.

The kid that was very confident before now fearfully flinched in his chair as he did not expect that from the new teacher.

After Logan's own monologue he sat back on his chair and counted to five. He perfectly calculated the time as when he said five the bell rang and everyone run out of the class, except the cardboard boy, who walked sloppily and shakily.

-"Would you mind staying a little longer in the classroom?" - Logan said as the short boy in hoodie flinched but nodded slowly in defeat.

-"Sit down here, please." - The man in the glasses and the tie motioned to the nearest chair from his desk as the boy listened to his command and sat there, still very anxious as ever.

-"Do you know why I have told you to stay here?" Logan asked calmly yet that didn't help the boy as he kept shaking.

-"...n-n-n-no." - He barely mumbled his reply.

His voice was weak and shaky, it wasn't much of a surprise for Logan though.

-"Do not worry, kid. I do not intend harm upon you or anything of that matter. I just want to communicate with you for a bit, since the break has already began."

The boy nodded getting a little better from the answer.

-"First, If it wouldn't be a problem I would like to hear your name. Mind sharing it with me?Do to the fact I do not wish to call you a "kid" unless you want me to."

-"V-V-Virgil..." The cardboard boy replied.

-"I'm glad you have shared this information with me, Virgil." - Logan tried smiling but it looked more like he made a derp face which made Virgil chuckle, but he suddenly realised his "mistake" and apologized.

-"What are you apologizing me for?" - Logan asked.

-"F-f-for l-laughing....I-I-I shouldn't, I-" the kid broke down in his chair.

Logan didn't know exactly what to do, but he knew that in these situations you usually go to the person and try to comfort them as he came closer to the boy and put his hand on Virgil's shoulder.

-"Virgil, that is untrue, I'm not sure if you've known that laughing is actually healthy for your organism? As well as the hormone endorphins that represents your happiness, if you've studied it on biology. Happiness is very important for your mental health. If you experience lack of happiness it can cause mental illnesses which are not good for your body.

Besides you didn't intend to laugh at me for no reason at all. I myself fail at emotions and I'm incredibly sorry for not helping at all."

-"It's O-ok Mr.Be-" But Virgil's sentence was cut off by Logan saying:

-"Though I like my surname I do not wish for you to call me by it.

Just call me Logan when it comes to conversations like this one. I don't want to feel like someone who can't exactly be trusted by you, besides I'm only six years older than you.

I Intend to be your friend not foe." Logan blankly explained.

-"Y-you won't like m-me Mr-Logan, I'm v-very sorry."

-"It's okay, Virgil. You are a very nice kid so I see no reason for me not to like you." The man in glasses encouraged.

-"B-but m-my mask...." Virgil stuttered getting nervous yet again.

-"What's wrong with it? Despite it having burned marks and scratches of course." -

-"-Aren't you f-forcing me to take it off? M-many of the other teachers tried, but I always said n-no, a-a-and...t-they a-always sent m-me to d-detentions f-for t-t-that... - the boy said while softly sobbing.

As we've already seen Virgil was a very fragile kid back then, it was very easy for him to break down.

Logan looked rather shocked and disappointed if you could actually read his expression.

-"I've read the school rules 3 times and there was nothing about not being able to wear masks or any other items even do to important means of course. Since you are clearly not wearing this for show I do not understand why would they do such things."

-"B-b-because t-they h-hate m-me.

E-e-everybody does....." Virgil finally cried covering his cardboard face in his hands.

To his and Logan's own surprise he has embraced the younger boy with a hug.

Virgil was frozen at first, but he slowly melted into the hug.

After a minute or so Logan has finally pulled away as he couldn't hear sobs no more.

-"Are you feeling better Virgil? Or should I call someone"

-"No-no-no! It's fine, I'm fine! .....Thank you so much M-Logan...I'm sure you'll dislike me one day anyways, but I-I'm glad that at least for now you sort of accept m-me."

-"Do not assume Virgil. You are a likeable, good person. Your mask or what's under it does not define you. Just please, at least try to understand it." Logan said.

The boy nodded unsurely as the bell rang for another lesson to start.

Virgil has already run back to his seat getting anxious again and fearing what would the person who usually sat there do to him.

Logan sighed sadly as he got out of the classroom, since Virgil and the others had a lesson with a different teacher this time.

He headed back to the teacher's room mumbling to himself.

-"Some changes must be made...."

_________________________________

Logan's mom/big bro mode has activated! I hope you like the chapter.

#thomas sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #ts anxiety #ts logic #ts logan #ts virgil #logan sanders #sympathetic logan #sanders side au

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: I'm gonna need you to pick up two bottles on your way home Rio: at least Buster: Consider it done Buster: Do you need me to ask why or are you gonna tell me, like? Rio: Guessing is always fun Rio: and as I told you I was pregnant the other day, and it's a pretty fucked way to 'celebrate' that, it narrows down your guesses a lot Rio: barely a challenge Buster: It's like that, yeah? Rio: Unfortunately, yeah Buster: Say it then, I'm sitting down Rio: Where? Buster: At a desk Buster: Come on, pull off the plaster, babe Rio: but you're so hot though Rio: oh and Saint fell over at the park earlier, but that's not why I need you/a drink Buster: I'll still be hot after you break this news Buster: Shit, he's alright though? Rio: Totally fine, just scraped knees, brave like his daddy, obviously Rio: okay, it's just Rio: things with my family are getting too much for all of them Buster: Thank Christ for that, now tell me which one of your brothers or sisters need something Buster: and what the fuck it is Rio: Oh come on, it's me asking, not them Rio: and I wouldn't unless they really needed me to Buster: It's you asking for them 'cause they know you're a soft touch Buster: But go ahead Rio: 😠 I am not Rio: I've just spent the last, god knows how long, traumatizing Grace, apparently so Buster: Alright, not what I expected you to say Buster: What's wrong? Rio: Well I am full of surprises, you'd do well to remember Rio: I don't even know how to put it, she's Rio: she just needs a bit of one on one attention Buster: How long? Rio: Just a couple of days, honest Rio: she had a night of it and ended up with some sketchy lad at a really sketchy party and Janis had to go get her and take her home to my mum and dad so Rio: she needs time and space to sort her head out so she can face them again and I can make sure she isn't doing stupid shit like that as well Buster: Wait, Janis went? Buster: What the fuck has been happening over there? Rio: I know, she has a hot boyfriend, apparently, who she spends all her time with Rio: maybe if we can give Grace somewhere to get it together too, then things won't be quite so Rio: ugh, from now on Buster: We're so out of the loop, babe Buster: but yeah, 'course Rio: I know, I'm a bad sister Rio: but you're the best Buster: No, you can't take care of everybody all the time, that's all Buster: She'll come over though and you'll do your best to get her sorted Buster: While I take care of everything else Rio: Ugh stop being so capable but don't ever thanks Rio: I don't know how it got to four years so fast I just Buster: Even though I can do it, I'm still gonna make her take care of the kids for me so I can take you out to celebrate this new one properly Buster: I know there's so much other shit going on but I'm really happy, you know Rio: Me too Rio: I love you so much Rio: it just makes me sad that they don't all have a you to keep them sane through the rest, you know Buster: I love you Buster: but I ain't sharing even if there would be enough of me to go around, what with how capable I am Rio: hmpf don't even play Rio: you're mine Buster: I can't play, I've missed you every second of this day so far Buster: You're only making me miss you more Rio: It's you being so capable and perfect shh Rio: just, some of the places and situations they're getting in, makes me think how my life would've been like if we hadn't finally got it together Rio: it so easily could've been me still, I have to make sure they're okay too, by the time they're our age Buster: Baby, don't Buster: You'll break my heart Buster: You know we'll do whatever we have to, anything, everything Rio: I'm sorry, never wanna do that Rio: I can't do it again, too much has already been allowed to get fucked up Rio: I don't just mean Edie, so much before, after Buster: I know Buster: Whatever it takes, I swear Rio: I believe in you Rio: we're a good team, right Buster: You can, I'm never gonna take my eye off the ball when it comes to a single thing that matters to you Rio: Just Rio: thank you for being you Buster: Cheers for loving me, like Rio: How could I not Buster: I refuse to give you that list Buster: Don't ever not Rio: Always have, always will Rio: Can count on it Buster: That still kills me Buster: Always has & always will too Rio: 's how we managed to get pregnant with a 10 month old and a toddler in the house, like Buster: I'm not sorry Buster: I never will be Rio: Me either Buster: I meant it when I said I'd have 11, I still do Rio: still wanna have all your babies Rio: snap Buster: If I believe in fuck all, it's not fate or any of that religious bullshit, it's you Buster: So Rio: You're killing me Rio: there's no way I'm hormonal already, god Buster: You better not be Buster: Unless we're gonna tell Grace Rio: It's fine, she's a big crier, just think it's solidarity Buster: You're really selling this, babe Rio: You don't need to be besties Rio: I promise, she won't disturb you Buster: Nance, come back into the same country as me, all is forgiven Rio: 😏 shh Buster: Don't shh me when I'm preparing a speech Rio: 🤐 Rio: Proceed Buster: Forget it, I wanna hear more about you & your hormones Buster: How are you feeling? Rio: So predictable, you...but same, best excuse to be all over you as if I needed one Rio: no but I do feel good, overall Rio: Grace said some really sad shit but, it's not hopeless, I think I can actually help and she'll let us so Rio: more than I've got with lots of them right now isn't it Buster: I'll beat up any teenage cunts she named & shamed Buster: That'll be a decent start Rio: Not sure she'd appreciate that as much as I do the mental image Rio: not to mention your career, gotta act well within the law now, babe Buster: Well, firstly it ain't for her, not if everything I do, or am willing to, is for you Buster: Secondly, never been caught, which nobody appreciates more than me Buster: My mum and dad maybe Rio: can't put an arrest sheet up on the wall really Rio: granddad might Buster: He definitely would Rio: know he would've thought it was hilarious Janis stole their car if she weren't apparently pissed at the time Buster: Yeah Buster: Still surprised nan didn't pull out a breathalyzer honestly Rio: Honestly Rio: not that she's fighting the claim, she don't care enough to Buster: Who the fuck is this lad then? Rio: None of them seem to know much of anything Rio: he's new and he's English Rio: and hot, of course, mentioned that Rio: Grace said he's not bad but I'm not fully convinced of that yet Buster: She's got as close to dating me as she can without going for it, fair play Rio: 🙄😂 oh God Rio: glad she's not coming over, actually have a fight on our hands Buster: No chance he's as posh as me Buster: She wouldn't Rio: Obviously not, babe, he's 'poor' apparently but we are going off Grace's definition here so not fully sure what that means Buster: That's hilarious Buster: Maybe it won't be all bad having Grace here Rio: don't encourage her Rio: trying to make her have a little tact Buster: Come on, that is funny Rio: to you, posh boy Rio: I, however, can see why Janis wants to smack her sometimes though Buster: I'm raising my son posh too so be careful what you say next, like Buster: Janis wants to smack everyone, I can relate Rio: You are not Rio: OUR son is going to be well-adjusted, thank you very much Buster: Well your daughter is already my little spoiled princess, so unlucky Rio: well like mother like daughter Buster: If you told me she pushed Saint over at the park I'd believe it Buster: You're always starting fights with me that you can't win Rio: Pshhh Rio: you can tell yourself you let me win if that makes you feel any better about it, baby Buster: You can tell yourself I let you win if it means you'll start another one Buster: You know I like it Rio: 😏 Rio: I miss you Rio: when are you home Buster: I miss you too Buster: All of you Buster: I won't be much longer though, promise Rio: they miss you too Rio: he's only just got up Rio: she wouldn't sleep Buster: She only sleeps on me, same as you Rio: it's true Rio: we'll both be here 😪 like Buster: I won't move a muscle Buster: Get really comfortable, it's fine Rio: challenge accepted Rio: sounds like heaven right now Buster: You are heaven, all the time Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: What do you think the baby is this time Buster: I know what I want but whether or not I should think like that Buster: That's another question Rio: well it's always 50/50 Rio: and you won't be disappointed, will you Buster: 'Course not Rio: I can't tell yet Buster: What do you want though? Rio: I'm just glad it's all ours Rio: no drama Buster: Yeah Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Rio: but I am Rio: not trying to be a downer Rio: just one of those days Buster: I love you, I love her, there's nothing to be sorry for Rio: I know but Buster: No buts Buster: We're all okay here Rio: we are Rio: I've not heard from Junie in Rio: forever Buster: 'Cause what can he say? Rio: what can I say Buster: It's not your fault Rio: don't think I'll lead with that but tah Buster: Come on Buster: It was a relationship that he never should've been in, never mind brought a kid into Buster: None of us could've done shit about it until either of them did Rio: I could've said no Buster: No you couldn't, that's not you Buster: He never should've put you in a position to have to say yes or no to something like that Rio: he needed me to be that person Rio: to be strong enough to say no and realize how fucked it was Buster: He needed to be that person, not you Buster: He got there in the end Rio: too little too late Buster: He could've waited years, raising her himself, that would've been too late Buster: It was just in time Rio: I guess, yeah Rio: leave you to get on now Buster: Don't Buster: Come back to me instead Rio: I know you've got more important things to be doing Rio: and I've got to tell Grace not to pack too much Buster: Fuck that, you know you're the most important thing in the world to me Buster: I'm not letting you go Rio: Babe Rio: I'm fine, I promise Buster: You don't need to say that to me Buster: You can say whatever you want Buster: Whenever Rio: I know Rio: but I am, mostly Rio: you make me so happy Buster: Good Buster: What can I do to make you more than mostly fine? Buster: I'll round up every single one of your siblings if that's what you want Rio: that would be interesting to watch Rio: but also not gonna wish that on you Buster: I can handle it Rio: I've not forgot how capable you are Rio: but I can think of ways I'd rather put that to use, like Buster: Yeah? Rio: mhmm Rio: so many chores with your name on Rio: 😏 Buster: Consider them done as well then Rio: you're cute and I'm kidding Buster: I'm not so you'll be able to enjoy how good I look doing each of those chores Rio: ugh just be here Buster: Tell me that I have to leave now Rio: You should Rio: I need you Rio: we do Buster: If you need me, I'm there Rio: sometimes I just wanna marry you all over again Buster: Well, I also meant it when I said I'd marry you every year Buster: So you do owe me, like Buster: Nothing would cheer Grace up more than if we let her plan it either Rio: That's brave Buster: I am Buster: Like father like son, remember Buster: Probably do set her a budget though Rio: Are you serious Buster: Why not? Rio: Lots of reasons Rio: I'm pregnant, being one Buster: We can wait until after the baby's born if you want Buster: But you know you're gonna look beautiful regardless Rio: Shh Buster: No Buster: It's true Rio: You're a dope Buster: Marry me again Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Buster: Say yes Rio: obviously yes Rio: but that's not agreeing to anything right now Buster: Ask the wedding planner how long she needs Buster: Then get back to me Rio: You do know how extra and in your face she'd be Buster: Have you forgotten who you're talking to? Buster: I can handle extra, I am extra, babe Rio: oh I'll just leave then Buster: Shut up Buster: I'm on my way home to you, what more do you want? Rio: be included in my own wedding might be nice Buster: Baby Rio: no it's fine, go be extra Buster: Only with you Rio: 😏 mhmm Buster: I don't wanna do anything or go anywhere without you Rio: I know, babe, you don't need to beg Rio: maybe we should do it before I get huge again Rio: if we do Buster: I know I don't need to, but I want to Buster: I'm biased towards you being huge, you never look better to me than when you're carrying my kid Buster: So you can have as much say as you want on that Rio: well now you're just teasing me Buster: If anything, I'm reminding you Rio: feels like forever Rio: it's insane he's gonna be 4 this year Buster: Yeah Buster: How the fuck did that happen? Rio: blink and you miss it right Buster: Have I? Buster: Missed too much Rio: of course not Rio: you've been here the whole time Rio: we've got to feed 'em Buster: I feel like the harder I try to do the right things, the more I don't Rio: I think you're doing the right things for all of us Rio: but if you don't Rio: we can try something else Buster: I just want the best for all of us Rio: and it shows Rio: it'll feel easier when you're working not studying Rio: and you're so close now Buster: Jesus, he'll be in school by then Buster: That's such a headfuck Rio: I know Rio: and loads of my brothers and sisters are still in school, it's weird Buster: If they start having babies I really will feel old, like Buster: Tell Grace and Janis to calm down Rio: already warned them, don't worry Rio: blatant hypocrisy aside, I think the message was received Buster: I don't reckon I appreciated having a gay sister enough Rio: Hit her up with that text, like Buster: She'd appreciate it far too much Buster: Therefore, I can't Rio: actually I think it'd freak her out just as much as you so I wouldn't worry, babe Buster: Maybe if I get drunk enough at the wedding & she doesn't, like Rio: 🤞 Rio: and you let her be your bestman Rio: very gay Buster: & have her try to upstage me in a suit? Fuck off Buster: Saint's the only one who could Rio: well if you let Grace organize it everything will be pastel and she'll be out anyway so Buster: In that case, she definitely is Buster: Pink's my colour, babe Rio: 🙄 Buster: It's yours too, come on Rio: oh you've remembered who it's meant to be about Buster: Everything's about us, how could I ever forget that Rio: go away now I'm so busy Buster: Not for long, I'll be there in a few to do everything Buster: You're gonna be busy relaxing Rio: then hurry up Rio: stop talking about colour schemes Rio: wait 'til your bestie is here Buster: I'm gonna hurry up and put you in a warm bath, that's what's gonna happen Buster: Stop stressing Rio: I'm trying Buster: Having Grace here for a few days can't be worse than all that time we lived with Indie Rio: it isn't about that Rio: just giving her a place to sleep for a bit Rio: it's the rest of it all Buster: Alright, talk to me Buster: What happened, what did she say that's got you like this? Rio: I don't think she'd want me to tell you all her shit Rio: it's just sad Buster: I know how to keep a secret Buster: I'm not gonna go up to her ready to discuss all of hers Rio: I know you're not an idiot Rio: it's just girl's stuff Rio: kinda Rio: I don't think you'd get it Buster: If it's anything to do with lads and how big of a cunt they all are, I reckon I'll have no trouble understanding Rio: Partially Rio: but it's more what she thinks about herself, you know Buster: Right Rio: you can't be a cunt to someone who feels good about themselves, like Buster: You can, it just won't have the same effect Rio: yeah, it doesn't work Buster: They take the piss & she let's 'em then Buster: That's fairly standard Rio: That doesn't mean it's alright Buster: I didn't say it was alright Buster: But remember the bullshit we were getting up to at her age, that's what I am saying Rio: That doesn't excuse it either Buster: I ain't trying to, I'm trying to get you not to worry so much Buster: We turned out alright, didn't we? Rio: Forget it Buster: Obviously not Rio: I don't want to talk about it Buster: 'Cause you don't wanna give me the full story Buster: & There ain't fuck all I can properly say without that Rio: It's not your business Rio: or anything you need to worry about so let's just drop it Buster: She's gonna stay with us & you're making whatever it is that's going on with her your problem Buster: You're worried about it, sad about it Buster: How exactly does that make none of this my business? Buster: Remember earlier in this convo when you said we're a team, yeah? Rio: Because I'm gonna sort it Rio: there's nothing you need to do okay, it's good Buster: Fine Buster: You sort it Rio: I will Buster: You shutting me out of your family's shit worked out really well last time, like Buster: Why not Rio: That's not fair Buster: It's not fair that things ain't anything to do with me until they are Rio: What do you think you can do? Rio: giving her a place to crash is what we're doing Buster: You already told me it wasn't just that Buster: but whatever Rio: that's what we need from you Rio: it isn't your place to do anything more Rio: and I don't need you throwing my bad judgment in my face like I can't do anything right Buster: Like I said, fine Buster: You've got that from me Rio: No it's not fine Rio: but we are done here Buster: You're done, you mean Buster: Don't speak for me Rio: I'm not going to be talked to like that Rio: especially when you know how I feel about that whole situation, we literally just talked about it again in this conversation Buster: Well you should know how I feel about this blindspot you've got when it comes to your family Buster: Like we aren't one together Buster: Like I have to fucking beg to be let in Rio: That's how everyone is with their family Rio: it's normal Buster: Bullshit, you've put yourself in the middle of me & Nance, but god forbid I have an opinion worth listening to about any of your sisters or brothers Rio: because your family doesn't communicate Rio: at all Rio: it's different Buster: How's all that communication going for yours? Rio: I told you, I'm not gonna be spoken to like this Buster: I heard you the first time Rio: then stop Buster: I'll be walking through the door in a minute Buster: Are we gonna give each other the silent treatment or what? Rio: do what you want Buster: Rio Rio: Don't Buster: I don't want this Rio: what don't you want Buster: To be this angry Rio: and that's all my fault Buster: No Buster: It's mine Rio: look just Rio: say what you need to say Rio: we're not doing this when she's here Buster: I didn't mean any of what I just said, why would I add to it? Buster: I need to go calm down so I'll do that Rio: Alright Rio: be safe Buster: Don't Rio: why? Buster: Don't be nice to me right now Rio: hardly that nice Buster: Still Rio: I can't be nice now Buster: Not to me after I've been a cunt to you Rio: You've got a right to say what you feel Rio: even if I disagree Buster: It's not what I feel though Buster: You did what you thought was right, you are now for Grace Buster: It's one of the things I love about you, how much you care and wanna help Rio: I'm never trying to shut you out Rio: it's just some things are more delicate Rio: I can't even do much Rio: I could've explained it better, probably Buster: Nah, I made it all about me like that cunt Buster: It's just Rio: I know how hard all of it's been for you Rio: on you Buster: I thought I'd sorted it all out in my head or whatever but then you told me about the pregnancy and it brought so much shit back Buster: I'm happy, I am, that wasn't a lie Rio: I know Rio: that's bound to happen and it's okay Rio: it's always gonna be a mess Rio: none of us can escape that Buster: You were right the first time, its not okay that I spoke to you like that Buster: I'm sorry Rio: It's okay, I forgive you Buster: You know how much I love her, yeah? Rio: Of course I do Rio: I've never doubted it Rio: but it is different, admitting that doesn't mean you don't Rio: half the problem with Edie is that no one addressed that she wasn't just the same as the rest of us Rio: maybe if we'd let her be different, but show she was still loved Rio: who knows Buster: All I know is, we're gonna do better Rio: We have to Buster: We will, babe Buster: & Yeah her dad's a twat but he is still around so Rio: Yeah, we will Rio: and sadly Rio: no one wants him to be but that's life Buster: She might & if she does, that's what's important, like Buster: Not my giant ego Rio: least you'd be in Rio: not good company but the same, like Buster: I can't make it about me anymore, I'm not a kid Rio: Well we all are compared to him Rio: you're being really zen right now and that's cool but I'm allowed to be angry at him Rio: on my behalf, Junior's, hers Buster: I'm still angry, I just don't wanna take it out on you again Buster: Not like I just did Buster: I can't stand the cunt, you know I can't Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: and I know it's pointless being angry about it but it's all I can do at this stage Rio: mum never stopped Drew from seeing Edie or vice versa, so I can't fuck up the one thing she got right Buster: Anger isn't pointless, you can use it same as you can anything else Buster: It's got me pretty far over the years Buster: Not that my last outburst should be taken as evidence Rio: it is in this instance Rio: I can't do anything I already have Rio: and I can't undo the shit I shouldn't have Buster: In this instance it's a reminder to keep doing better, like we said Buster: Maybe you can't help Junior but you can help Grace Buster: We can keep an eye on Janis & this lad she's seeing Rio: He was 19 Rio: it's not fair Buster: I know Buster: So was I when Chlo fucked me over Buster: You were even younger when Ryan pulled all that shit on you Buster: Then Drew Rio: Yeah Rio: but we're us Rio: we can handle it, right Buster: 'Course but my point is, none of that bullshit discriminates Buster: Like death, don't matter if you're a sinner or a saint, so the saying goes Rio: I just Rio: I don't know Buster: You wanna protect him, obviously Rio: and I didn't Buster: You can't Buster: Not all the time, things are always gonna happen Rio: yeah Rio: but so much Rio: to this fucking family Buster: Yeah Buster: Can I come home, please? Rio: You don't have to ask Rio: come back Buster: I really fucking love you Buster: Don't forget that, okay? Rio: Never Rio: I love you too Rio: forever Buster: Good Rio: Now come here Buster: [obvs does and it'd be a moment bye]

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