#when I realized our relationship had failed and he resented me is not attending because he hasn’t spoken to me in years

[rogeriswater]

Don't Leave Me Now

xxxi

This work contains fictionalized versions of real events and people. Most details won’t be accurate to real life.

tags for this chapter: p.o.v changes, more arguing from maggie and billy, maggie passes out

~m.r~

Billy and I sat in the waiting room of the therapists office. It was our first session with Dr. Quinn today. Honestly, I would rather be in the studio today. Roger definitely wasn't pleased when I called and told him I would be late today because I had to attend marriage counselling instead. I looked around the waiting room at the other couples awaiting therapy, while Billy read through a newspaper. "We need a bigger place, y'know? We can't raise a child in that flat" He told me.

"I have always wanted to move out of there" I agreed.

"And I know you don't want a nanny but—"

"No"

"Well it's not like you can be a full time mom" Billy decided to start arguing with me. "It wouldn't hurt to have a little bit of help"

All I could do was roll my eyes. Our names were called, indicating it was our turn for our appointment. We went into Dr. Quinn's office and sat on the couch that was there. It was quiet between us as we waited. Dr. Quinn came in and sat in her chair across from us. "Interesting" She remarked right off the bat. "Most couples usually sit apart from each other. Not close together"

"Well it's not like we resent each other" Billy said.

 "Yet" I muttered.

 "Why don't you both start telling me more about your relationship? How did you meet?" Dr. Quinn jumped right in.

Billy took my hand as he started to reminisce. "We're high school sweethearts. As soon as she walked into the classroom, I was smitten. It was love at first sight" He squeezed my hand as he smiled at me. I didn't return the affectionate gesture.

"It might have been love at first sight for him, but it took me a few dates before I realized that there were some strong feelings" I explained.

"Did you have any relationships prior?" Dr. Quinn inquired.

"No. Billy was my first ever boyfriend"

I couldn't help but notice Billy hesitated a bit before answering. "Maggie was the first and only girl I've ever loved"

Dr. Quinn smiled at us. "So you two have been together for a long time. It's rare to see first loves last as long as yours have"

"Are you married, Dr. Quinn?" I suddenly asked her.

"Maggie!" Billy hissed at me. "Not appro—"

Dr. Quinn held her hand up. "No, it's alright. I've been divorced two times"

I raised an eyebrow. "And you're a marriage counsellor? Seems ironic, doesn't it? Considering you've failed at marriage twice"

Billy sighed and hid his face in his hand while Dr. Quinn nodded and jotted something down. "You seem hostile, Maggie"

"Of course, I'm hostile. I don't need a stranger getting involved in our marriage" I heard Billy scoff. I turned my head and glared at him. "What?"

"Then what would you call Roger then?"

"That's different—"

"No! He's been butting in on our marriage since the day you met him!"

Dr. Quinn cut in. "Roger? This is the man that was with you the other day when I was in your home, yes?"

"That was him, yes"

Dr. Quinn wrote in her notes again. I was finding that to be rather annoying. "Quite handsome, isn't he?" I gave her a questioning look. How the fuck did she want me to answer that?

"Excuse me, why are you asking her that?" Billy said.

Dr. Quinn ignored him and she grinned at me. "What is the extent of your relationship with Roger?" The way she asked me that, the way she looked at me, it's like she knew.

"He's my best friend, I would say" I answered.

Billy muttered. "Yeah, right" He crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch.

"Billy, do you have something you'd like to say?" Dr. Quinn asked.

"I have a lot I would like to say about Roger Waters. I know he wants my wife"

"And how does that make you feel?"

Billy scoffed. "Pissed! How else is it supposed to make me feel!? I don't know what those two do on tour together! For all I know, they could've fucked each other! And that thought terrifies me!"

Dr. Quinn tried to speak. "Okay, Billy, I get—"

Billy stood up. His fists were clenched and his face was red. "No, you don't get it! Maggie is mine! No one is taking her away from me!" I didn't notice that I had started to curl up my body. Dr. Quinn definitely noticed. She looked at me and I could tell she was concerned. "I think we're done here today. Let's go Maggie!" Billy didn't even wait for me as he stormed out of the office.

I was about to follow after him when Dr. Quinn stopped me. "Maggie, would it be alright if I see you for a one-on-one session?"

"I suppose" I hesitantly agreed.

And for the first time that day, Dr. Quinn gave me a genuine smile. "Great. And I think it's best we don't tell Billy about this one, alright?" Wait, what exactly did she have in store for this one-on-one appointment?

~

I made Billy drive me to the studio. He was in the mood to yell at me and I didn't want to have any of that. The whole car ride, he screamed at me and even when we got to the studio, that didn't end. He followed me inside, still screaming at me and insulting me. "Just leave me alone and go home!" I screamed at him.

"You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do because you're my wife!" Billy snarled at me.

"What is your fucking problem anyways?"

"My problem is that you've been pushing me away! And I just want to know why!?"

"Get. Out!" I sneered.

"Hey!" Shit, that was Roger. I looked over and noticed that the boys had been observing us. I didn't even realize we were in here. Roger came over to us. He stood in between me and Billy. "She wants to you to leave, so I think you better go"

Billy scowled at him. "Y'know, this is all your fault!"

"Excuse me?"

"If you hadn't met her, her and I would still be close!"

Roger glared at him. "She wants you to go, so go"

Billy didn't say another word. He just turned and left. Once he was gone, Roger turned to me and grabbed my face. "Darling, are you alright?"

"Yeah, he just gets on my fucking—" My vision suddenly went dark and my body went heavy as I fell to the ground.

"Maggie!" Roger's voice was the last thing I remember hearing.

~

I woke up to bright lights. I noticed that I was in a hospital room. I also noticed that Roger was sitting in the chair next to my bed, and he had fallen asleep. I reached over and gently shook him to wake him up. His eyes opened and he smiled as soon as he saw me. "Darling, you're awake"

"What happened?" I asked.

"The nurses said your blood pressure spiked too high. It made you pass out" Roger explained.

"Oh"

Roger grabbed my hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. "You had me worried there, sunshine"

When the nurse came into the room, Roger didn't even bother letting go of my hand. "I see your fiancé is finally awake!"

I looked at Roger. He shrugged. "It was the only way they'd let me in with you"

"You should be okay to go home, hun. Just keep any eye on your blood pressure. Stay away from anything that will cause too much stress. You're aware you're pregnant?" I nodded. The nurse smiled at me then she looked at Roger. "You must be very excited to be a dad!"

Roger didn't look at the nurse. Instead, he kept smiling at me. "You have no idea"

"Well, congratulations to you both" The nurse said before leaving us alone.

"Let's get going then, sunshine. You're gonna stay with me for awhile" Roger declared.

I gave him a puzzled look. "Wait, why?"

"You heard what the nurse said. You can't be around anything that causes you stress, and that idiot is clearly causing you stress"

"What about Judy?"

"You let me worry about her, okay?"

"Now, let's get out of here, yeah? I'll take you home so you can pack some clothes and then I'll bring you to mine"

~

I noticed Billy's car was gone when we got to my building. That meant he wasn't home which I was thankful for. Roger waited in the car as I went in to pack myself a bag. It didn't take me long to pack. I didn't even leave Billy a note to tell him I would be gone. I went back to Roger's car. It was a silent drive back to his flat. He held onto my hand the whole ride there. Once we arrived, we stayed in the car for a little bit. "Roger?"

"Mhm?" He hummed, staring at me as he stroked my hair.

"You're the first one to ever truly love me, y'know?"

"M'sure Ronnie and Lee love you, yeah?"

"Well, they're my siblings. They're obligated to love me. You chose to love me"

"I wouldn't say I chose to love you. You don't choose who you fall in love with. It just happens, y'know?"

I smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad it did"

"Me too" He leaned in and kissed me deeply. His hands went to my waist and he carefully guided me over to him so that I was on his lap. My arms wrapped around his neck while fingers tangled in his hair.

He pushed my hair out of the way so he could have better access to my neck. His lips left mine so he could kiss along my jaw and start kissing my neck. Roger went to work on suckling at my skin so he could leave a hickey. Once he was satisfied, he pulled away and cupped my neck, brushing his thumb over the new mark on my neck. "I think we should head inside, darling" He decided.

I was tempted to just ask him to drive us somewhere far away and never come back. Both of us got out of the car. He grabbed my bag for me. We walked up to his flat. Judy was gone when we got there. Roger mentioned to me how she was probably at her pottery studio. He showed my the guest bedroom where I would be staying while I'm here.

"I would love to stay here with you, but I need to get back to the studio" Roger said.

"Don't you need me there too?" I asked.

"No, you stay here and rest. I'll let the others know that you're okay. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. You have free reign of the flat while you're here" He kissed my forehead before he left, leaving me by my lonesome.

I sighed as I flopped onto the bed. I knew Roger probably wouldn't be back until very late, and I had no idea when Judy would be here. So I guess I was on my own for a bit. My stomach rumbled. I realized I had barely eaten today. I turned on the television for some background noise, and then went into the kitchen. I searched around for something to eat before I decided on roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

~

I had the roast beef in the oven. A movie was playing on the television and it had piqued my interest. I was so engrossed in it, I had barely noticed that Judy had come home. "Maggie, what are you doing here?" She asked.

I figured it was best to be honest with her. "Billy and I had another argument today and it caused my blood pressure to spike and me to pass out. Roger thought it was best if I stay here for a few days"

"Oh" I could tell she was not too pleased with the idea. However, her expression changed when she noted the smell. "Is that roast beef I smell?"

"I hope you don't mind. I found it in the freezer and I thought you guys might like a nice home cooked meal"

"That's... really nice of you, Maggie" Judy took her coat off and put her bag down. She sat right beside me on the couch. Usually she would be on the opposite end. "What are you watching?"

"I think it's Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand"

Judy leaned back against the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table. "Roger went back to the studio, didn't he?"

"Yep" I replied, popping the "p".

"Well then, I guess it's just going to be you and me for dinner" Judy sighed with disappointment. I wasn't quite sure from what though. Was it the fact that meant she was stuck with me, or the fact it would another late night waiting up for Roger? "At least I won't be alone tonight"

Judy and I continued to watch the film. We spoke no other words to each other. That was at least until the roast beef was done. I plated the food for us. I grabbed the plates and was about to bring them back out to the living room. I noticed that Judy had followed me in and took a seat at the dining table. I set her plate down in front of her and then sat across from her. "And Yorkshire pudding?"

"I'm guessing you and Roger don't have meals like this often?" I asked.

"Very rarely. He's always too busy and I never saw the point in cooking meals like this if I was going to be the only one eating them" Judy explained. She took one bite of the roast beef and she seemed like she was in heaven. "Wow, this is amazing! Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"My siblings and I had to learn how to fend for ourselves as our mother didn't really do her motherly duties all that often. That included the cooking"

Judy frowned. "I'm sorry" She got up and walked over to one of the cupboards. "We need some drinks. Is wine okay?"

"Oh, I can't have any" I told her.

"Oh my God" Judy's eyes widened as she realized. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"About three weeks"

"Well congratulations!" Judy seemed genuinely happy for me. She poured a glass of wine for herself and set a glass of water in front of me. "Roger and I have been trying but we haven't had any luck"

I'm not gonna lie, that part made my heart sink with guilt. I don't know whether it's because I was pregnant and she wasn't, or if it's because I was possibly pregnant with her fiancés baby. "Have you guys thought of a date for your wedding?" It pained me to ask that.

"I'm hoping for some time in the summer. Roger doesn't seem as excited as I am to get married" Judy frowned.

I reached and put my hand over Judy's. "I'm sure he is. Roger is just not one for showing his emotions, y'know"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right" She gave me a smile. "Thanks, Mags" That was the first time she's ever called me that nickname.

~j.t~

I'm not going to lie, it was rather nice having Maggie's company. I've been wrong about her this entire time, and I guess it was just paranoia making me believe that her and Roger were doing things behind my back. After dinner, we put on a record and decided to play some Scrabble. She was really great at it. She scored pretty well with some big words. Words that Roger would play. The two of them were pretty similar to each other. It's no wonder they got along so well. "Double word score for me!" Maggie cheered.

"You're quite a wiz at this game" I told her.

"Hey, you're not too bad yourself, Jude"

"So, how long are you going to be staying with us?" I asked her. I hope that didn't come off as rude. I didn't mean for it to.

"Oh, well if you want me gone by tomorrow, I can just--"

"No, no. It's fine" I assured her. "I enjoy the company. Roger is such a workaholic. It's like music is his true passion, and I'm just the side hobby"

"I wonder if that's how Billy feels about me lately" Maggie muttered. Though, it didn't sound like she cared too much.

"Is everything alright between you two?" I asked, though this time I was asking as a concerned friend, and not because I wanted to take advantage of the situation.

"Things have been so tense between us lately. We had our first session with the marriage counselor today and let's just say it didn't go too well" Maggie explained. She sighed, leaning back in her chair as she put her hands on her stomach. "Hopefully all our problems can be worked out before the baby gets here"

"Well, you have nine months. I'm sure everything will work out"

"Yeah" Maggie said sadly. We played a few more rounds of Scrabble. Maggie won most of them, while I won once. I'm sure she let me win though. She bid me goodnight and made her way to the guest bedroom. That left me on my own for a bit, as I wasn't sure when Roger would be home, if he was even coming home tonight that is. Some nights he spent all night at the studio and wouldn't return home until morning.

As I was walking past the guest room, I could hear Maggie crying inside. Her sobs were heartbreaking. It made my heart ache with guilt. Poor thing, she loved Billy a lot and she was trying to fix her marriage before their baby came. And here I was, secretly pining after her husband only because he gave me that bit of attention that Roger rarely gives me. I would have to get over that silly little crush and try to make things work with Roger again.

~

I was woken up by the sound of the phone ringing. I rubbed my eyes and looked over at the empty side of the bed. Not so surprisingly, it was empty, meaning Roger hadn't come home yet. I got out of bed and went to go answer the phone. "Hello?" I spoke into the receiver.

"Is Maggie there?" It was Billy, and he sounded drunk. "She's not home and I've called all over. No one has seen her. I figured she might be there"

"No, she's not" I lied to him.

"Oh. Well, would you like to come over then?"

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Do you realize what time it is?"

"Please, Judy" Billy beggingly slurred. "She's not home and I'd like to see you"

"Billy, I--"

"I'll even fuck you, if you'd like"

Hearing him say that made me grab the phone cord and squeeze it. Had this been any other day before today, I would have seized the opportunity. But now, I couldn't do it. "No, Billy. That's not fair to Maggie"

"Since when the fuck do you care about what's fair to Maggie?"

"Goodbye, Billy" I hung up the phone. Shortly after, the door opened and in walked Roger.

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "What are you still doing up?" He asked me.

"The phone was ringing" I explained to him.

"And who was on the phone calling at this hour?"

"Billy was looking for Maggie"

"You didn't tell him she's here, did you?"

"No, of course not" I saw Roger visibly sigh with relief. "And by the way, Maggie is free to stay as long as she wants"

"I thought you didn't trust her"

"Well" I shrugged and crossed my arms. "That was before the two of us spent some quality time together. She's really not that bad"

Roger smiled and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm glad you two are getting along"

I smiled, grabbing his hand. "Are you coming to bed?"

"I'll be right there" He told me. I made my way to the bedroom and crawled back into bed. I waited for nearly an hour before Roger joined me. What takes an hour for him to get ready for bed?

"Rog, is everything okay?" I asked.

"Of course, Jude. What do you ask?" He responded.

"It's just you said you'd be 'right there' an hour ago"

"I just had something to take care of" I turned to my other side so I could face him, but his back was towards me. I put my hand on his shoulder but he pulled away. "Not tonight, Jude. I'm too tired" Typical. He's always too tired for me. Do I just not satisfy him anymore? Is he disgusted with me now?

~r.w~

By the time I woke up, Judy was still asleep. I kissed her forehead before getting up and going to the kitchen. I saw Maggie was up and she was cooking breakfast. She looked to me and smiled. "Morning, Roger"

"Morning, darling" I walked over to her and stood behind her. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me. "How was your sleep?"

"I slept pretty good last night" She said. "Did you come and cuddle me by chance?"

"For about an hour, why?"

She hummed. "I knew I felt a pair of strong arms around me. And here I thought it was a dream"

"Had you been awake, I would've made love to you"

She turned her head towards me. "You could've woken me up, y'know?"

"But you looked so peaceful and beautiful" I gently grabbed her chin and guided her lips to mine, kissing her soft and sweetly. "I lo--

"Morning!" Judy interrupted us. I quickly removed my arms from Maggie and stepped away from her. "Breakfast smells wonderful, Mags" She then stepped towards me and kissed me.

"You two go sit" Maggie instructed us. Judy and I both sat at the table. Maggie came round with plates of bacon, eggs, and toast and put one down in front of each of us. She then joined us with her own plate. The three of us started to eat.

"Maggie, you should know Billy called last night" Judy mentioned.

Maggie's face soured. "Did he?"

"I didn't tell him you were here though"

"Thank you. Did he say anything else?"

I saw Judy tense for a moment before she shook her head. "No, that was it" We continued to eat the wonderful breakfast Maggie made for us. It had been so long since I had a nice homecooked meal like this (and no, Christmas with my mother does not count). I suppose this was one other thing to look forward to when Maggie and I get married.

~

It was gonna be another day at the studio. I wasn't sure I wanted Maggie to come in today. I guess I was still on edge about her passing out yesterday. She needed to stay home and relax. "Please, Roger? I swear I'm okay"

"No, sunshine. You need to rest" I told her.

"No, I need to go with you so we can finish the album. You can't exactly do that without me, can you?" Maggie had a point there. She could be so stubborn sometimes, but that was one thing I loved about her. It meant she could keep up with me.

I gave in to her. "Fine, but you show one sign of feeling unwell, I'm driving you straight back here"

Judy joined us, all clean and dressed from the shower she just had. "Is Maggie going to the studio too then?" That was funny. It almost sounded like Judy was disappointed.

"Yes, she is" I nodded. "Why?"

Judy rubbed her arm. "Well, I was hoping she was gonna stay home today. It's just... yesterday was so nice, having someone to spend time with, and Maggie, you're fun to hang out with"

"Maybe some other time, Jude" Maggie promised her. Judy smiled at that and nodded.

"Well, have a good day then, you two" Judy kissed me, and then she hugged Maggie.

Maggie and I walked out to my car. When we got in, I didn't start it. I just sat there, gripping at the wheel, staring out the windshield. Maggie looked at me. She frowned and ran her hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and sighed at the affectionate gesture. "What's wrong, my love?" She asked.

Would it be wrong of me to tell her the idea of her and Judy getting close made me uncomfortable? I could see how that would work out. The two get closer, becoming the best of friends. Maggie starts to feel guilt about being with me because she's hurting Judy. So what does she do? Maggie decides to end things with me. We can't have that, now can we? However, I didn't tell Maggie any of that. That would be kept to myself. "Everything's okay. Just worrying about you" I told her.

"I will be fine, Roger. You worry too much" Maggie assured me.

I chuckled. "Only about you, sunshine"

~

Maggie and I walked into the studio together. We were quite early (as I liked to be). The only other ones here so far were Nick and Lindy. Usually we had a no partners in the studio rule, but there was an exception if they were to be helping out. We were going to do Green Is The Colour today and Lindy was going to play penny whistle on the track. "Lindy!" Maggie smiled big when she saw her.

"Mags!" Lindy called back to her. "Nick was telling me you passed out yesterday. You didn't stress the poor girl out did you, Rog?"

"I would never, Lin" I said.

"Yeah, he only wants to stress the rest of us out" Nick chimed in. "How can I become a beautiful blonde and blue eyed woman named Maggie so you can stop screaming bloody murder at us?" I wanted to get mad at that, but Nick saying that made Maggie laugh. I loved her laugh. "I'm serious, Maggie. You have to stop getting unwell at work. He's a bloody nightmare when you're not here"

Lindy's eyes lit up as she remembered something. "Nick told me the good news! Is it true? You're gonna be a mum?"

Maggie put her hands on her hips and glared at Nick. "Did you also tell the Queen of England while you were at it?"

"She hasn't written me back yet" Nick snickered.

"You know what's absolutely hilarious?" Maggie said. "The fact you guys and now even your wives know, but my own family has no clue"

"You're gonna have to tell them soon, hun" Lindy told her. "Preferably before your stomach grows in size"

Maggie's eyes widened and she started to cry. Lindy frowned in guilt. "Oh God, I'm gonna be fat!"

"I'm sorry, hun, I didn't mean to make you upset"

"No, no, it wasn't you. It's my damn hormones" Maggie said, wiping her tears. "God, I would kill for a cigarette right now" She looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, hoping I would cave in and give her one.

I clicked my tongue and shook my head. "I don't think so, sunshine. Not with a baby in there" I poked at her stomach gently.

"Great, so I'm gonna be fat and I can't smoke for nine months"

"You aren't gonna be fat, sunshine" I told her.

"I am! I'm gonna be fat and hideous!" Maggie broke out into tears again. Nick, Lindy and I all looked at each other. We didn't know what to do for her. I put my arm around her and tried to console her.

"Rog, please tell us you didn't make the poor girl cry?" Rick's voice chimed in. He and David had walked in just at the right time to see Maggie in tears.

"It wasn't me!" I snapped at the accusation.

"It's her pregnancy hormones" Lindy explained.

"She thinks she's gonna be fat and hideous when she starts showing" Nick added.

"Fat and hideous?" David asked. He shook his head. "Maggie, you could never be hideous. And you won't be fat. You'll be showing. Creating life inside of you"

Maggie nodded and then wiped away her tears. "Thanks you guys"

"Now that we're all here, I think we should get started yeah?" I encouraged.

~

We jumped right into Green Is The Colour. I was excited to do this one as this had been the song I wrote for Maggie. Maggie insisted on harmonizing with David again for this one because she was adamant on it sounding much better as a harmony. And she was right of course. It did sound much better. As we all played together, I couldn't help but watch as David and Maggie sang together.

Heavy hung the canopy of blue Shade my eyes and I can see you White is the light that shines Through the dress that you wore

 A part of me was amazed at how well their voices sounded together, and the other part of me was jealous. Jealous of how well they harmonized. It would probably never sound that good if Maggie and I sang together. My voice was shit when it came to singing. And the way the two of them were looking and smiling at each other wasn't helping either.

But I tried not to think about that too much. I had something else on my mind. Since we were nearly completed with the album, and we would have a bit of a break, I was going to take Maggie on a trip. Wherever she wanted to go. It would just be the two of us. We could be together without the threat of someone finding out about us. Of course, I had to tell Maggie about it first. Once we were finished and happy with the song, I pulled Maggie aside to a private room. The first thing I did, of course, was give her a deep and passionate kiss. The kiss lasted for a good minute before I pulled away and put my forehead to his. "Fuck, I've been waiting all day to kiss you like that" I told her.

"That's the only thing?" Maggie smirked at me.

"You know damn well it isn't" I said, kissing her again. "But that stuff will have to wait. Now, I have something I want to ask you"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Well considering the album is nearly completed and we don't have anything else to do for another month, the two of us can take a holiday together" The smile that was on her face faded away. It made me worry. "What's wrong?"

"Roger, you know I would love for the two of us to take a trip"

"And why can't we then?"

"It's just the timing. After the album is finished, Ronnie, Lee and I were going to take a trip to our family farm in Scotland"

"Can't you just reschedule it?"

Maggie glared at me. "No, we've had this planned for ages, and this will the first time in two years I've gone to Scotland with my family. I'm not changing my plans on them"

"Well, I could go with you, yeah?" The way she frowned already told me my answer. I sighed. "I can't go with you"

"No. Billy is coming"

"Why does he get to go with you!?" I didn't mean to snap at her the way I just did but it infuriated me. I was the one who loves her. Why should he get to go?

"Because Ginny and Sandy are going too. Y'know, Lee's wife and Ronnie's girlfriend? So yeah, it makes sense that Billy goes too. He's my husband after all"

"I'm sorry, darling" I sighed.

"Rog, you know if I could, I would take you with me" Maggie cupped my face.

I put my hand over hers. "I know, love. Just promise you'll call me every day, yeah?"

"I will Rog, I promise" She kissed me again.

I don't know how I was gonna handle being so far from Maggie. But it's not being so far from her that I was most worried about. She was gonna be with Billy. I don't know which thought worried me more. What if he screamed bloody murder at her more and it made her pass out again? Or what if they reconcile things on this trip and Maggie decides that she does love him again? Both of things would pang my heart with pain if they happened, though only one would be worse than the other.

#roger waters #roger waters x ofc #roger waters fanfiction #pink floyd #pink floyd fanfiction #maggie robinson #dlmn #my oc

[crazy-loca-blog]

I know I just reblogged something about this (you can see it here)... but now the topic is kind of stuck in my head, so I need to vent share a more detailed post about how Sora dying instead of Danny would have made so much sense and how it would have worked so well with the actual plot of book 2.

** I'll be using the "she/her" pronoun because I play as a girl, so in my game, Sora is a girl. **

The more I replay the books, the more I realize that the LIs having feelings for the MC and miserably failing when trying to forget is canon. The first one to show this behavior is Jackie. In book 1, she thinks the MC is "a distraction" and she is very vocal about it. So she tries to forget by not talking to us. Plain and simple. Then, you have Ethan. There is no doubt that the man went to the Amazon to try to forget our MC. I still haven't discovered how Bryce handles the situation only because yes, he is that good at hiding his feelings when he wants to (if you have any clue, please tell me!). And Raf... well, in one of the biggest plotholes in the series, he resumes a relationship with his highschool sweetheart, Sora.

First of all, I think PB wasted an opportunity to properly introduce Sora to the story. The writers could have resumed her story as a medical intern (or resident, as they're already in their second year) as they had already used her face during the housewarming party in book 1. This was perfectly compatible with her being Raf's school girlfriend. I never understood the fact that she appeared out of nowhere.

Anyway... despite her backstory, Sora always had this gut feeling that Raf didn't love her as much as he loved the MC (and you could read it between the lines. even if you're not romancing him... like, you know... there was something in the air...). So... can you imagine the angst, the guilt and the drama if the person in the room was Sora, and not Danny?

As I said before, Sora could have been there trying to stop Raf from doing something stupid and just be an innocent person who got caught in an unfortunate situation. The possibilities were endless!! Just think about it:

* The MC taking care of Sora because she was the one in the worst shape after Bobby dies.

* Sora feeling guilty because despite all the hidden resentment she has towards the MC, the MC is still taking care of her.

* Raf feeling guilty for putting Sora in danger to protect the woman he truly loves.

* Sora and Raf having some honest conversation on their relationship right there in front of the MC (they're all dying, to hell with privacy at this point!).

* Sora dying and donating her body so that they could find a cure to save Raf and the MC after everything they went through (this would have been powerful!).

* Having a resident funeral would have hit all the interns/residents because it was one of them dying, and all the attendings because she was someone they were responsible for.

Funny thing is that all this plot would have also worked great if your MC is a guy or a girl, and if you're romancing Rafael or not.

@openheartfanfics

#open heart choices #choices open heart #open heart #playchoices #choices stories you play #rafael aveiro #casey valentine #jackie varma #ethan ramsey #bryce lahela #danny cardinal #oph book club

[floralguccistyles]

epilogue

...he probably loves you

After four months of dating Niall, our families and friends still couldn’t believe it. 

Apparently, Niall’s feelings had only been apparent to my sisters, because when we told our parents that we were dating, they had stared at us with supportive confusion. Niamh had mourned the loss of the five hundred dollars four our Jamaica trip, but she had thrown an arm around my shoulders and congratulated me. And then, in a surprising turn of events, had started crying when Patrick announced he couldn’t contain himself anymore and proposed to her shortly after Niall and I had made our announcement. 

Niall had just smiled his beautiful smile at me and pulled me closer into his side, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“I’ve just realized!” His mom shouted in the middle of our movie. It was Greg’s pick tonight, so naturally he had chosen a Disney movie that Theo would actually be interested in. His wife had already dozed off to sleep, pregnant with number two and according to Greg, “unable to stay awake for more than five minutes.”

“Christ, Mum,” Greg complained, jumping from her loud exclamation.

“We can get Rose and Niall couples gifts for their birthdays!”

Niall raised his brow. I was curled up against him, my own eyes falling shut every couple of moments. The new job working for Eric’s brand was exhilarating and exciting, but it was a lot of work getting a start up business off the ground. Often, I would come home late and simply collapse on my couch while Niall took pity on me and made me dinner.

“Mum, our birthdays are five days away. Have you not gotten us anything yet?” he joked, his thumb running back and forth across my arm.

“You’ve always been hard to shop for,” his mum said simply, waving us off, her brain looking like it was going a million miles a minute with the new possibility of a couple’s present. “Not you though, Rose. You’re an angel to shop for.”

I grinned up at Niall. “I’m an angel,” I whispered.

His nose wrinkled. “Whatever.” But he quickly kissed my nose, ignoring Violet’s protest against PDA.

Violet was sitting on the floor by my feet, her nose buried in her phone as she waited on a text from the cute guy in her summer anatomy class she had a crush on. She had been hesitant to tell me about him, but three weeks ago, at one of our weekly-Thursday lunches, she confessed that he’d asked her to study with him. After hearing that, I had pushed and demanded she show me a picture and tell me his name.

He seemed nerdy and sweet. His name was Arjun, and he had helped her study for the final, where he stammered his way through the entirety of their study session before blurting out that he thought she was pretty and wanted to take her on a date.

They had been texting each other back and forth since. 

“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” she had told Lily and I while we gushed over how cute it was that she had a crush on someone, especially after her good friend started dating the last guy she’d had feelings for. 

Lily, on my other side, was leaning on the arm of the couch, her eyes slowly blinking in and out of sleep. She officially had her law degree and was going through what her coworkers lovingly called “Hell Year.” Her first year of being a lawyer and dealing with all the shitty cases was getting to her. However, she still managed to drag herself to our weekly lunches and had even mentioned that she had decided to go on a weekend getaway to London with Carmen, her coworker.

Violet caught me looking at her phone and shielded it from my view. I just playfully kicked her side.

After the movie, Niall drove us back to my apartment. It was nothing special, just a one bedroom, one bath. But it was mine. And while I still didn’t sleep all the way through the night except on the nights when Niall stayed over, I was working on it. I unlocked the door and let the both of us in, kicking off my shoes and flipping the light switch on.

Before I could take another step, Niall’s arms were around my waist and his mouth was on mine. I would never get tired of his kisses, of the way his hands would tease under the hem of my shirt and touch my heated skin. He always kissed with an eagerness, the kind of happiness that only someone who had been in love for a long time possessed. 

“It’s so hard to sit next to you at family functions,” he sighed out against my lips. I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Unlike my mother, I already got your birthday gift.”

“If you say my birthday gift is sex with you, I might actually have to hit you.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “That would be your birthday gift to me, Rosebud.” 

I knew he didn’t mean anything by it. We hadn’t taken that final leap into our physical relationship yet. He was cautious and I was still unsure it was something I was ready for after my incident with Kent. The group I had been attending had been a huge help and I got coffee with Wendi and Carlos (two sexual assault survivors I had met and befriended at group) occasionally. Still, there was a small part of me that wondered if I would ever truly get over it.

And I wondered if Niall resented that.

He saw the look on my face and his smile melted away. “I didn’t mean it like that, Rosebud. You know that,” he said softly, reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear.

“I know,” I replied, “I know. I’m sorry I’m a piece of work.”

He shook his head, his arms encircling me and pulling me into his body. “You are not a piece of work. You’re the girl I love and will continue to love, no matter what boundaries you set. You know that. Nothing could make me love you less.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder, letting out a contented sigh. Every time he told me he loved me, I got butterflies in my stomach and my lungs stopped working properly. “You staying over tonight?”

“If you want me here.”

I rolled my eyes. “I always want you here, Niall.” 

He kissed me again, his lips soft and gentle. “Mind if I shower really quick?”

“Go ahead. I’m gonna make some hot chocolate.”

I watched him walk up the stairs, a smile on my face when he turned back to wink at me. When I heard the shower start up in ym small bathroom, I turned towards my kitchen and grabbed two disposable coffee cups and a Sharpie. Niall liked his hot chocolate made with the little chocolate sticks I bought at the store, so I poured milk into the saucepan and heated it before depositing one of the little sticks inside. He was also a big baby who demanded the little marshmallows, so I grabbed the bag from my pantry and set them on the counter to add to his drink later.

My heart was pounding. I had been planning this for a while, but just tonight felt confident enough to do it. So I poured his hot chocolate into his cup with shaking hands and raised the Sharpie to the side of the cup, scribbling down the message. I still had pictures of all the notes he’d written me, including the one from this morning, when he had written “love you more than you know, Rosebud.”

And he did. He loved me more than I could ever comprehend. The four months being with him, he had never failed to show me just how much. He held me when I woke up with a nightmare, kissed me on the forehead when I was frustrated with work, held my hands when I got home from group. But I’d realized the things he’d done for me before, too. Like picking me up when Lily couldn’t, staying on the phone with me when I asked it of him, always making me laugh. 

Niall Horan truly loved me. More than I’d ever been loved.

And I needed him to know that his feelings were reciprocated.

I heard him before I saw him. He was loud as he walked over my hardwood floors, chattering on about some thought he had in the shower. I should have been a better girlfriend and listened properly, but my hands were still shaking and I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest and run away. I turned, catching sight of him in his comfy black sweats and a white tee with that signature grin on his face.

“I forgot my shampoo at my place, so I used yours and now I smell like a lovely lilac spring.”

Just like that, my nerves evaporated. I didn’t know how Niall did that, make me so sure of myself, but he did. This man loved me. And I loved him. He deserved to know how much and not have me chicken out at the last minute. 

I walked over to him, giving him a little sniff. “Very nice, very manly.”

“Nothing manlier than using my girl’s shampoo. Just shows how much I love her.”

“Is that what it does?” I asked playfully, reaching his cup out towards him. He took it in his hand, bringing it up to sip at it.

“Hey, you put in the little marshmallows this time,” he commented happily, taking another drink before he pulled the cup back. His large thumb covered my small writing, but he caught the tail of the ‘y’ and maneuvered his hand so he could read it. I saw the moment the words caught up with him, the moment he registered what I had written.

I love you more than you know.

“Rosebud…” His voice was delicate, like it could shatter in a single moment. “Do you mean it?”

In lieu of a response, I took the hot chocolate cup out of his hands and set in on the coffee table. I grasped his face in my hands, giving him a watery smile. “Thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” he breathed out. I felt honored and cherished when I saw the tears in his eyes just from my simple confession. “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too. So much.”

The earth could have collapsed around us. The ground could have opened up and swallowed us whole. All that mattered was Niall as he surged forward and kissed me hungrily, his tongue delving into my mouth to tangle with mine. His hands were tightly wound in my hair, but didn’t pull or tug. He just held me there, like if he let me go I would dissipate. He’d never kissed me like this, but I’d never kissed him when he was a Niall who knew how much I loved him. And he’d never kissed the Rose that had finally stopped running and admitted her feelings to him.

“My birthday present to you feels shitty now.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled to the surface. “This wasn’t your birthday gift.”

“You’re right,” he agreed. “This was more. So much more.”

He kissed me again, his touch sure and unwavering. “Thanks for loving me, Rosebud,” he whispered, repeating my words from so many months ago. 

So I decided to repeat his back. “It’s the easiest thing in the world, Niall.”

~

Oh my god. Wildflower is over. I cannot believe this. This started as a random thought in my head one day because I needed a good friends to lovers but with a twist, and suddenly Rose was born. This is the first story I’ve finished on this blog and will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to everyone for reading this little story and for all your support. I refuse to let go of Niall and Rose forever, so don’t be surprised if I write little drabbles for them, but I’m excited for what the future holds in terms of my writing. 

I give one big giant virtual hug to all of you. You don’t know how much you guys mean to me.

#wf #wildflower #1dff #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan au

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

tapestry 👑 XIV

Warnings: eventual dark elements (tags to be added as fic continues)

This is dark!(king)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: King Steven had a wandering eye but you never thought it would fall upon you.

This Chapter: The reader speaks with the king.

Note: Okay. Tomorrow is an early morning and I dunno if I’ll be posting but hey, 14 days in a row is fine, right? Let’s not worry about that though. We have some royal intrigue ahead of us and I know we’re all impatient but we’re going to have to take our time as it all comes to a head.💋 😉 I know what y’all are really waiting for lol.

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply! Love ya!

masterlist

A week ago, you would've resented the king's surveillance. His insistence that you travel with a guard and only under his blessing. You were cloistered in his concern but you could not spurn it. For you were afraid. Truly.

That morning after you supped, you requested a walk of the palace corridors. Marge returned with the king's permission but the guard who stood vigilantly at your door was to accompany you. His sword always at the ready; both alarming and assuring.

The castle was airy as the winter descended upon the new year. You wore a thin cloak over your gown as you traversed the ancient halls. The guard's sword tinkled against his belt as Marge's shivers whispered in your ear. Your own breath mingled with the beating of your heart in an ominous symphony.

You neared the royal corridors along your aimless path and paused just before that which led to Eleanor's chambers. You looked to your escorts and crept a few feet nearer. You turned to look up at the tapestry beside her doors.

The rosettes stuck out from the field and gave lifelike bloom to the grasses. You tilted your head as you took in the expanse of cloth and thread. There it was; that twist of cloth which marked the last day you'd been yourself.

"My lady," Marge said softly. "Are you well?"

"Well enough," You answered as you leaned closer to the wall.

"Should we linger here?" She breathed as the guard gripped his pommel.

"Do you think the queen should emerge and slay me where I stand?" You asked dryly. 

Marge frowned and shook her head. You turned away from the fabric and retreated from the corridor. 

"Let us continue our walk. Perhaps I should see to my father when he is free of council." You mulled. "Or perhaps we shall return as we were."

Upon the next corner, you heard the noise of approaching footsteps. Your guard stepped before you and slowed. Shadows reflected in lantern light as the figures neared and emerged at the end of the corridor. Your guard relaxed and stood at alert as you bowed in greeting of the unexpected royal. 

King T'Challa did not pass though. He instead stopped to greet you, almost as if he knew you.

"Your highness," You said.

"My lady," He nodded to you and smiled. "Do you tarry alone?"

"Alone?" You looked to Marge who looked to the floor shyly. "I have my maid."

"But should you not be in attendance of your queen?" He asked.

"She has pardoned me from her court," You replied carefully. "So I attend to myself."

"Oh," He considered you as thoughts glimmered in his eyes. "Not many queens would tolerate a paramour in her court."

You averted your eyes in shame. 

"Do not think I judge you, my lady," He continued. "I am only curious. I hear things and they do intrigue me. They say you are devious and calculating, others allege you to be pious and humble. I suspect they are all true." 

"Your highness?" You looked to him.

"You are calculating in that you did heed the king's reputation, devious in that you would withhold any particular leaning to save your own, pious in that you worship your honour, and humble in that you cannot see what a mess you've created." He smiled proudly. "Do not think my words to be unkind, for without even knowing you, I do admire you."

"Admire?" You echoed. "For what?"

"For your resolve. For withstanding a storm that would tear many apart." He said. "My lady, would you be averse to me walking with you?"

"I would not refuse such an offer," You accepted evenly. 

"Even now, you maintain your courtesy," He remarked. "And you bide my bald words."

He turned so that he was shoulder to shoulder with you, Marge retreated to walk with the guards. The king awaited your first step and you hesitated before you took it.

"I suppose I cannot find where to disagree with them." You countered. 

"Mmm," He hummed thoughtfully. "I do wonder… after all I've heard of you and your snaring of the king. Why, my lady, I might offend you again but you are rather plain for a seductress."

"I am aware," You said stiffly. "Believe me when I say I am just as shocked as any at my circumstance and wholly unprepared."

"And what would prepare you? What should make a lady ready for a king?" He pondered. "Do you think you should be like Queen Eleanor?"

"She is strong. Bred to be a queen." You said. "She is better made for it than me."

"A queen who has sewn discord among her court and without." He looked to you as he spoke. "I am certain you have heard of my pre-standing relationship with the queen."

"I've heard as much as you have of me," You said.

"So you would. She's barely changed since I knew her. Colder, perhaps." He mused. "I thought I did love her until I realized she did not love me."

You lowered your brow as he let his eyes float ahead of him.

"We were betrothed. I'd lived among her family for years. We spent hours a day together and I was quite taken by her. As any boy would be. 

“But when I was recalled home and war loomed over us, I did swear to her I would appease my father so that we may still marry. So that we could one day rule over our kingdoms peacefully. Together."

He paused and let out a long breath. "She told me she could not wait to be my queen and I thought she meant it. The next I heard of her, she'd set sail for another prince."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked. 

"Because I am certain you know how Eleanor can be. One moment she is your friend and the next, she's not." 

He stopped and turned to you as you struggled not to trip on your skirts. 

"Eleanor's spies learned of my visit the day before I reached the capital. She did try to have them keep me from my arrival. She failed." He shook his head as a wistful air came over him. "I do not trust your king either but he has yet to betray me as Eleanor did. In so much as I can fathom it, she has betrayed us both."

"And so what? You seek kinship with him? A shared loathing?"

"I intend to rescue my reputation which has so long been stained by Eleanor and what she has done to me." His jaw set as he held his shoulders high. "I seek to repay the queen in kind."

"And what would be my role in all this?" You asked.

"Your role is at has been. If you remain as you are, you might just get out of this alive." He looked to his guard and nodded. "My lady, I shall leave you to your path as mine would diverge here, thought I am certain they will meet again."

He bowed his head and you returned the courtesy. He smiled kindly and turned sharply on his heel. You watched him go. You were stuck in place as the thoughts flurried in your head. Those which hadn't ceased for days now. Though this king had added to the list. 

As he disappeared around the next corner, you wondered if he offered you advice or issued you a threat.

👑 

That night, you went to the king to sup. His invitation had been firm and without refusal. Since the servant boy's demise, he was ever more insistent. Ever more demanding. Often, you found his presence overbearing; at one moment, entirely inflamed in his anger and the next consumed by his affections.

When his doors were opened to you, you stepped within nervously. You still weren’t used to his chambers. The skin carpet before the heart, the large desk that loomed before the window, the twin tapestries along the east and west walls, and the grated candelabrum which hung from the ceiling. 

Hugh remained and the replacement for the royal taster. This one lanky and blond, almost fearful as he but into the food. You couldn't blame him for as you watched him, you saw the red-headed boy open your carpet. Though this one did not keel over.

You sat across from the king as he ate with one hand and in the other shuffled through sheets of parchment. His blue eyes were vigilant as if the letters would move should he look away. 

You watched him as you ate. He rubbed his eyes as he set aside a page and leaned back. The wrinkles left his brow as he looked to you.

"I am happy to see you eating, my lady," He said. "You seem not so wary."

“I remain cautious," You assured him. "As this court remains treacherous."

"Oh, but we should search out the snake that does hide in the branches and drain its venom before its fangs should sink too deep."

"May I ask…" You began and caught yourself. "I dare not."

"Well, you've begun so you may." He drank from his wine and picked at his plate.

"I do worry at the presence of the Wakandan king. Of what should precipitate such a spontaneous invitation."

"You should worry of the presence which remained without invitation," He took another bite and wiped his mouth. "Of one who wishes you harm. Perhaps even wishes it upon myself."

"Then…" You began tentatively and he tilted his head. "Would it be wiser to send me away until they are found out? Until these ill tides wash over?"

"Send you away?" He sat back so heavily his chair wobbled. "So that they may have you upon your own. May see you vulnerable and far away."

"I would not be alone. I would see my mother and sister." You argued. "They have a household, and security of their own. Edward does keep my sister well looked after."

"No, you are safe here. With me." He snarled. "You are safest close to me and I will not, cannot, be without you."

"Your highness," You reached to him and placed your hand on his. "I am afraid."

"I know, I know," He softened and turned his hand to grip yours. "But I shall see you safe, my lady. My love." He tugged until you rose and pulled you to stand before him. "For I fear for you too and that drives me to see that you are kept well."

"Your highness," You lowered your lashes, "I thank you for your care but ask that you do consider my request further."

"I shall consider it," His hand trailed along your bodice and he played with the braided belt at your waist. "But you will not leave me. Ever."

"And will you answer my first question?" You asked as he took your hand again and admired it.

"You are in need of rings," He commented. "Rubies. Maybe a sapphire."

"You elude me again." You accused.

"I do not elude, only delay…" He looked up at you, "Because I cannot help but admire you."

"Well, then I await an answer, your highness," You said.

"Sit," He drew you between his knees and sat back. "And I shall tell you then."

You looked at him. He grinned and watched you patiently. You turned and lowered yourself into his leg. Your skirts fanned put around you both. You found, as Rose advised, to appease him was easy and most times, convenient.

His hand hovered along your back and he beamed up at you. 

"You asked why the Wakandan king should be here. You are clever and you see beyond my courtly explanations. A good omen for your future." He preened.

"I saw the queen's reaction as did many others." You said. "I saw her discomfort, her unhappiness deeper than before."

"So you can guess that she knows the king." Steven led you. "And that he does threaten her current position."

"I see not how he could intimidate her," You baited as you blinked in a show of confusion. "She is a queen, he is a king. They are of separate kingdoms, ordained in their own right."

"Oh, you are young and, despite your wisdom, still naive," His hand spread over your hip and squeezed. "The queen does put herself in a perilous position so that she may be easily toppled.

"And she is aware of it so she fears any. King T'Challa, me, you. And behind her paranoia is guilt, though that has yet to come to light. Though I do peer into the dark."

"And what shall the people think?" You asked.

"What I tell them to think. What the truth tells them to think." His arm was full against you as his hand was tight along your side. "They want a queen who loves them. A queen who is kind. A queen who can give them hope… an heir."

"Eleanor is young still." You argued.

"She has been young for many years and she does not quicken. She would say I strayed far too much to see to an heir but I laid with her as much as any woman." His eyes bore into you as his other hand fluttered along your thigh."But this past year, she does not yield to me. She does not even try."

"And you've gone to her?"

"Not in some time but only for when I dared to visit she did bicker with me." He sighed. "I could have not begot and heir if I'd tried, she does hate me so."

"And you would try no further?" You prodded.

"She would not let me and there is not to try for. " He grieved. "An heir must be lawful or he may not sit the throne."

You held his eye then looked to your hands as they clung to each other. His hand closed on your skirts and he squeezed your thigh through the layers. You winced and raised your head. 

He was aflame as he leaned in. His arm snaked up your back as he grabbed your head and pressed his lips to yours. You pushed on his chest as he kissed you. He did not relent until you were out of breath. 

"Your highness," You breathed but stayed in his lap, too afraid to move.

"I… must have you." He purred.

"We cannot--"

His arms cradled you suddenly and he stood with you aloft. You clung to him to keep from slipping, dizzy from the sudden movement. He kissed you again as he walked blindly around his chair. You squirmed and he hummed onto your mouth.

When he parted, you gasped, your cheeks burned. "It would not be lawful. As you said…" 

"Hugh, you may leave us." He said.

"Your highness," You pleaded as Hugh started for the door. "Please. You would ruin us both. Have we not waited this long?" 

The king took you to the couch and laid you down beneath him as you struggled. He had you pinned, his hand around your chin. He snarled at you, his nose almost touched yours.

"We do not wait on your accord anymore, my lady," He rasped. "I am your king. Do you feel how easy it would be? How simply I could have you?"

"I do," You gulped as he crushed you under him. He forced his knee between yours as you shoved on his shoulders weakly. Hugh's footsteps continued. "I do. Would you? For one night? For if you do that's all it could be."

He smirked and rubbed his nose against yours. "Hugh, you may remain," He said as he removed himself from you. "Let you be witness to our shared abstinence."

His voice was dull and irritated. You pushed yourself up and drew your legs away from him as he sat back entirely. You felt almost hurt by his demeanour as his blue eyes stared at the carpet and he moped.

"Your highness," You said softly but he didn't respond. "Steven?"

His lashes flicked and he looked to you. The tension left his jaw and he nodded.

"I'm...sorry."

"I am, too," He said as he took your hand. "But you are right. This will be over soon and we cannot spoil it in a single evening."

#tapestry #Steve Rogers #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #medieval au #dark steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader #au #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #mcu #marvel #captain america #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes

[keshetchai]

personal posting / alcoholic parent mention / medical 

first mentioning that im furious at my primary care for not referring me for a covid vaccine because she can’t...prove i have asthma, because ??? “just because i prescribed an inhaler doesn’t mean you have asthma.” like, ...okay, whatever. thanks.

unfortunately, i do not feel excited for pesach. I actually love pesach. but I love it in person, face to face, at a table of people. i can’t have that. that’s probably for the best because as much as I love pesach, I don’t love a holiday with four cups of wine as a central ritual when my low-contact/estranged father has been an alcoholic for 10+ years now and his poison of choice is red wine. he’s hit the stage where he is dying slowly, but that could last years or months. I don’t know. 

late december he was formally diagnosed with covid-19, when we thought he’d already caught it early on. then after recovering he had a stomach surgery scheduled for a separate issue, and basically the hospital had to stop operating because he was bleeding too heavily as a result of his enlarged liver. they stopped with only a small percent of surgery done, and stabilized him a bit, and then he got transported back to the US. because he basically hit his healthcare limit from private insurance in another country. now he’s on VA stuff. i think they recently discharged him, or will discharge him in san diego. 

his kidneys and liver are failing, in addition to major intestinal issues, his gallbladder needing removing, etc. i mean, he will absolutely die of liver failure if he drinks any more. but relapse is almost an inevitability after forced sobriety while hospitalized. 

his siblings - my aunts and uncle - all finally realize truly how bad it is. my aunt karen is close enough we were able to talk (masked, in person) about why I am extremely low contact with my dad, why I was frustrated my aunts and uncle kept asking me if I’d heard from my dad...etc. because like, I don’t. we talk on birthdays, father’s day, maybe new years, maybe once about my brother. 

i showed her my texts history where it was literally just 

2020 - my birthday, his birthday, question about my brother. 

before that was 2019, i think an exchange about getting me off of his cell phone plan formally. 

i gave her all the sordid details, about his drinking when he had custody visitation with me and my brother, about telling my high school teachers he was not my custodial parent/an alcoholic/unreliable, how there were a serious of fracture points in our relationship that broke it bit by bit until finally in college he spent father’s day weekend trying to convince me to volunteer to kick myself out of his apartment where i’d been sleeping on an air mattress and working as a temp because his second wife decided to rant to him how much she hated me and wanted me gone. how i sent him an email calculating his alcohol expenses weekly and told him he owed me money. a million other little things... and she listened and understood and sympathized and was mad on my behalf. 

but i sent an email informing her siblings also of some of this stuff, about my feeling that my dad needs rehab and that we can’t force him to go, and neither of them responded. and i know it got sent, because karen replied to my email too. 

the other two have been silent. what hurts is that of course, my other aunt A did text me the other day, asking if i could join a family zoom meeting saturday night, with my dad, to check in on him. no response to anything I said about how I feel about my parent who is an addict and slowly dying, lmao. just join a zoom meeting. I had to pry to ask if it was like, going to be an ~intervention~ or something. 

i was so relieved to be able to say “sorry, not this weekend. those are the first two nights of passover, I won’t be available.” i told her i could be there some other evening, but not to hold up everything on my account, even if my dad did ask if i would attend. i pity him, i do. but i can’t help but resent everything done, and what i learned when karen told me he inherited about $40,000 in early 2018? I think? and he’s spent it all. he was working and he still spent it. i know when my mom sued for back owed child support, he settled. I don’t think he paid up in full - which that inheritance might’ve done. 

when my grandmother had lost an eye due to cancer, she also funded his trip to the ukraine to meet some woman. she needed that money to get a glass eye. but delayed it for her son. he ran out of money on this pointless trip and his siblings bailed him out. they’ve been paying for his plane tickets. he continued to ask his dying mother for money, until karen intervened a little, and even then... 

he ran through forty thousand dollars after my grandma died. and didn’t think about anyone but himself with that money. my aunt basically - i mean in nicer words - explained i won’t inherit anything most likely, he probably doesn’t have assets anymore, and i was like, well, yeah. 

...this sounds cold and awful but i have assumed for awhile my dad will die young and also that his siblings will have to pay for the funeral. even if i felt obligated to do something as his first born child -- I don’t have the money for funeral expenses, mostly because of him! 

anyways i’m disappointed my family didn’t acknowledge anything i said, i’m sad pesach is going to be isolated again, i’ve been stressed about dealing with expectations about how i should feel about my dad dying, with digging up old resentment and hurt and having to think about him more than i ever normally do... 

i finally submitted an intake form for the local jewish fam services therapy offerings and they were like “we don’t have openings now, we may in spring” today and i emailed back like “i’m fine waiting, it’s already spring....” time isn’t real anyways!

maybe i should look for other therapists right now but i wanted to go with jfs first lol. just. sigh. 

[damfinofanfiction]

Chapter 8: To the East and The Gold Rush

Waking up in New York City was nothing new for the former Vaudeville performer. Buster was accustomed to whichever time zone he was in. He had gone to the east coast for a business trip/vacation with his wife Natalie and they’re staying at the Biltmore Hotel. The couple had attended the premiere of Seven Chances at the Capital theater. They were accompanied by people more favorable to Keaton such as his father Joe, a friend from childhood, Lex Neal, and Nick Schenck, a brother of his boss Joseph. Knowing that the missus missed their children and her sisters dearly, he held her hand the entire event. The screening had a good reception. Keaton was glad that the movie was well-received, although he remained resentful. Natalie was grateful for his presence, but nothing had changed as they still sleep in different bedrooms based on her insistence. After a few busy days, the real vacation began. Now he will be spending a day with his better half.

Once out of bed, Buster puts on his robe and went to the sitting area of their suite to call room service. He saw that Natalie was already awake and sitting frantically on the couch, he said to her, "Good morning Nate."

The missus stopped what she was doing and replied calmly, "Oh Morning."

Her fingers tapped on her knee as she appeared agitated. Buster had not seen her in this state in a while. Natalie was staring at the door and he shot his eyes at it, "Are you waiting for the letter?”

She quivered when she said, “I haven’t heard from mother yet.” Peg was watching the Keaton boys back in California.

He sat next to her and reassured her, "The boys are gonna be alright. We've only been gone since last Friday."

The tears started to form in her eyes, “This is the furthest I have been from our sons. Robert started babbling.” She wrapped her arms around herself, “What if he says his first word and I won’t be there to witness it?”

Buster patted on her shoulder, “I don’t think that would be likely.” He added, “I’m sure Bobby won’t say a thing until he sees his ma again.” To his surprise, Natalie hugged him in gratitude. Buster hugged her back until she broke the embrace to dry her tears. He went to the phone saying, “I’ll order us breakfast.”

That noon Buster and Natalie had lunch with the folks that went with them in addition to the Governor of New York. Joe Keaton shared stories of performing shows as The Three Keatons, dealing with wife Myra’s absences due to maternity leave, getting in trouble with The Gerry Society, and the times they fled out of burning Buildings. The couple spent the day together except when Natalie went out to buy gifts for the boys while Buster was catching up with Lex and discussing the latest film project. When he returned to their suite the middle Talmadge was already there, rounding out the toys and the clothes. He was going to ask her how much she spent on them, but he didn’t want to start another argument. 

She was in a cheery mood, “Got that letter back from mother. The boys are doing fine, they missed me. Dutch came over to cheer them up. She took them to the park for fun.” 

Keaton hid his hands in his pockets, “Did that letter said anything about me? Did the boys miss me too?” 

Natalie pulled a toy giraffe out of the bag, “It didn’t say anything about you. She usually didn’t acknowledge you in letters. I’m sure the boys miss you too. I can't wait to see their faces when they see what I got them."

What she said of the boys missing their father, Buster knew it might not be true. He wished to be a father, but had little time to spend with them because he was so busy at work. His fear arises with the thought of Natalie divorcing him and taking the sons away. He had to win her over to keep the family together. He asked her, “Nate, do you remember Coney Island?”

Natalie frowned upon taking a trip to memory lane, while neatly folding the boy’s overalls, “Why yes, it wasn’t long after Arbuckle made a short there. You took me because you wanted to include me and I obliged. You got us cotton candy to share, we rode on the carousel, and that one coaster you were begging me to ride along.”

Buster added with a narrow smile, “You were so scared that I held your hand the entire time.” he apologized for taking her to the coaster in the first place.

She concluded, “Then we finished the day with the Ferris wheel where we saw the bright spectacle and you pecked me on that cabin. It was a nice date.”

He sat gingerly on the bed, “I would be happy to take you to coney island again, but back then nobody could recognize me when I’m not with my folks, and then Roscoe and now if anyone took notice of me, that whole place would crumble.” 

She looked at him, “If you weren’t able to take me, why bring this up?”

He took her hands, “We were both very happy. I missed the days when you were in love with me. The same woman who proposed to me from another coast. I know the old Natalie is still there when you hugged me this morning.”

She took her hands off him to cross her arms, “That was only because I missed our boys.”

He put his hands behind him, “I missed them too. I can’t imagine life without all of you. I will take back the times I was unfaithful to you.”

“Buster, I don’t care if you embrace another woman behind my back. Please don't entice me to be in bed with you again.” She pointed him out of the door, “Please let me be alone to change for dinner.” Natalie closed the door behind him after leaving her room.

Buster was puzzled about the unusual pairings in his life; his parents, Joe and Myra, Norma and Schenck, and Natalie and himself. None of them shared the same age group except for the latter. He wished that his wife wasn’t a strict catholic so she could be comfortable with taking contraceptives and not worry about getting pregnant again and he wouldn’t have to cheat on her. But that’s the way it has to be. If he failed to win back his beloved, there are still less than 3 weeks of vacation to go.

****************

The hopes of Gail being a screen actress were dashed when production was delayed after Sennett comedian Ben Turpin backed out of the upcoming project due to personal matters. Gail wanted to take his place, but was unable to due to a lack of a contract. Though Sennett knew she wanted prominent roles, he was unable to fill them because too many actresses sought her out. But instead, he had heard his former employee Charlie Chaplin just returned from filming in Truckee to film more scenes in his studio and is seeking extras. So he recommended she find work in Chaplin's upcoming film The Gold Rush, and Gail was fine with it just to gain film experience. 

There at the Charlie Chaplin Studio, Gail is in the dance hall scene where Chaplin’s Tramp character dances with his love interest. She was busy dancing with a partner to watch the toothbrush-mustached comedian, but caught the part where he was tied to a dog and it chases the cat. She could laugh at this gag, but didn’t want to ruin a good take. The chestnut-haired woman across the hall seemed familiar. Gail didn't think she’s a famous actress. It must be on a tip of her tongue. Then the realization struck her, that was the same woman who was next to her onset of the seven chances. Their time between scenes was too busy to get them to chat. When everyone gets their lunch break, she located the woman eating with the other female extras in the studio courtyard. 

Gail sat at the same table as them, “Hi you remember me?”

The woman paused figuring out, “Oh goodness, we were extras in seven chances. Sorry we didn’t get to be properly introduced.” The woman extended her hand,  “My name is Eliza Smith.”

“I’m Gail Anders.” She shook it in greeting, “It’s good to see you again and I never got to thank you for saving me from the ridicule.”

“Don’t mention it. We actresses had to stick together.” 

Gail and Eliza were talking while having meatloaf and salad. Their discussion consists of their start on careers, Gail’s experiences as a bathing beauty, Eliza’s acting resume, their celebrity encounters, and then the subject fell to celebrity crushes.

"For me, it's Charlie Chaplin of course. I have a crush on him since I was barely a woman. Hell, if I was a virgin, I'd have saved it for him. Are you a virgin, Gail?”

Gail almost choked on her food being asked that. She replied with a blush, “That’s a very personal question to ask.” 

“That’s alright if you don't have to answer.” She raised her eyebrow leaning towards the raven-haired woman. “But tell me this is Buster Keaton the cat’s meow?”, When Gail couldn’t understand, Eliza rephrased, “Do you have a crush on Keaton?”

Gail's eyes were looking both ways as she drank her cup of water to try to avoid the touchy subject, but Eliza noticed the signs. “Please It’s all in your face. Your gaze was fixated on the stone face as if he was the king of England.” She chuckled, “It helped when you “pretended to faint” in front of him.”

Giving in, Gail confessed of the time she started seeing Buster in the Arbuckle films. She thought he seemed charming and took interest in watching his films because of his fascinating past, then when she heard the news of his wedding, she was a bit let down, but was happy for him and then she talked about her two other encounters with Keaton. In conclusion, She asked, “Is it wrong to have a crush on a married man?”

Eliza dropped a bombshell,  “Chaplin wasn't married when we dated.” Gail’s eyes widen and her jaw dropped hearing this “Really?!”

Eliza with a coy smile, whispered to her to avoid having others hear her “I met Chaplin when I started working in California. I took a job here as a part-time receptionist, but when he noticed me, He then hired me as an extra for his previous film, The Pilgrim. After production ended, we started a relationship. Spent countless nights with him,” she then frowned when she continued, “Then we broke up when he was seeing another woman, and another and another and another. But he did come back to me only for one-night stands and one of them happened while he’s married. Last I heard, if it's true, he has feelings for his leading lady."

She covered her face with her hand, trying to comprehend what happened, "Why are men so unfaithful to their wives?"

“Gail,” Eliza explained, “Men and women in Hollywood have unhappy marriages and have taken lovers. If Buster is one of them, you might have a chance.”

Gail stated, “But I have a boyfriend, I think I still do. And besides, I can’t see myself dating a married man.” Adding a final thought, “I would rather wait until he’s divorced.”

"True, but then where is the fun?” Before they finished eating Eliza looked Gail right in the eye and said, “I would recommend keeping this a secret. God knows what would happen to dear Chaplin if word got out.”

Gail returned to Lenore’s around 6 in the evening. Going inside she was surprised to see a finely dressed man talking with Sally and Lenore at the dining table. Upon noticing Gail’s presence, Lenore called, appearing to break away from her niece’s latest paramour, “Welcome home! We saved you fried cauliflower and turkey.”

The man said in his British accent told Sally, “I didn’t know you have a sister.”

The blonde chuckled, “She isn’t, this is my friend Gail Anders. I took her in when she moved from Nevada.”

The man stood up and bowed in greeting, “Sterling Thomas, my pleasure.”

As they shook hands, Gail said, “That accent, you must be British.”

 “Yes, Edinburgh very nice place.” Sterling’s dark hair was slicked back.

Lenore brought over her meal, “Gail just came home from work and you should be leaving too, sir.” This prompted Sterling to grab his hat and approached to the front door despite Sally’s protests for him to stay a little longer

He replied, "We can meet again. I'm here quite a while." She kisses him before watching him leave.

As Gail started eating, silence went on between aunt and niece. She later broke it when asking Sally, “How did you two meet?”

“Both of us were in New York City. I went to a nightclub and he was there. Same story, different ending.” 

“How did you find each other?”

Lenore added while crossing her arms, “I presume one of your nightly outings?”

Sally glared at her, "Well Auntie, we met somewhere, and I never felt lucky to bump into him again."

“How is Mr. Thomas any different from your last boyfriends?”

“He happens to be rich.”  

The aunt gave her a sarcastic look, “Oh, so now you're a gold digger?”

Sally stood up fumed, “How is that any different from you and Uncle Stanley?”

Lenore stood up in retaliation, “Don’t you bring my Stanley-”

Gail also stood up to soothe this out, “Could you not fight? I had a long day.” Sally and Lenore agreed and the table fell into silence for the whole dinner.

After all that was going on around her, Gail would end the day by kindling herself to a good book. After losing interest in the middle of chapter four she switched to another book. It was a journal about her interest in Buster Keaton. She would write down about the movies she had seen and clipped off the news article featuring a movie review of his and just news about him. Gail turned to a page in which the subject was Our hospitality. A news article glued there featured a picture of Buster and Natalie both wearing pork pie hats for a publicity photo. It was interesting to see husband and wife on the screen together, but now it was bittersweet knowing that buster is probably cheating on his wife. If it was truly something that must be wrong between the two.

The next afternoon, Gail was making herself useful in the Sennett studio, modeling the swimsuits for the other bathing beauties. A crewmember notified her of a call from her residence. Gail answered the phone, the voice at the other end was Lenore.

“The telegram came from your mother.”

Gail has already known what was happening around her family; her sister Geraldine is having twins and her father is due to retire from ranch work. Judging from the woman’s sorrowful tone in her voice, it must be bad news.

 “It’s your grandmother, she died in her sleep.”

Devastated, She covered her mouth as her tears began to form and a similar lump grew in her throat. Her whole body shook with the realization that the woman who got her to California is gone.

Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin around 1918

#buster keaton fandom #Buster Keaton #actor RPF #rpf fanfic #silent comedy #fanfiction #buster keaton fanfiction

[sondepoch]

XXIII: Saeran's Route (Y/N)

Where Futures Begin

Life used to be simple for you. Peaceful. But the Savior had other plans for you, and in moments, she ruined what you thought was your one shot at happiness. Blinded by anger, you escaped the Mint Eye, but that triggered a series of events that would bring you further into the world of brothers Saeran and Saeyoung. And further into the twisted world of your love for them.

Neutral Route: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | ✔

Saeyoung’s Route: 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | ✔

Saeran’s Route: 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | ✔

MASTERLIST

When it came to formalwear, you'd only ever seen Saeran in his black suit, back at the Mint Eye.

And he, your usual believers' robes and the magenta dresses that Rika had forced you to wear.

As such, it was a pleasant surprise for the two of you to see each other the morning of the RFA party—Saeran, in a white tuxedo selected by Saeyoung, and you, in a delicate (f/c) dress that hung at your knees.

"You look beautiful, princess." Saeran pressed a chaste kiss to your lips as soon as the two of you stepped out of the car. He'd been eyeing you since you slipped the dress on, but had evidently held back in all your haste to arrive at the party. Now that the three of you were here, though, he seemed to pay no mind to the venue, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

"Your suit," You mumbled into Saeran's lips, eyes closed and unable to hold back a smile. "You look perfect in it."

If he heard your compliment, though, Saeran made no indication of such, ignoring even his brother's pleas for the three of you to come on and get inside already.

Finally, when you were breathless (and just a little needy) from the kiss, he released you.

"All right, let's go."

As you followed the twins into the party hall, you couldn't help but sigh at Saeran's inexplicable ability to kiss you as if he'd never kissed you before, and then act completely normal the next moment, as if nothing had happened.

He really doesn't know what he does to me, you realized with an amused smile. Though that only makes him more precious.

You entered the party hall, listening absentmindedly to Saeyoung's chatter as he talked to you about the previous parties that had been hosted. In truth, you didn't care much. All that mattered was the present, and the fact that this party hosted would directly help everyone who had been touched by the Mint Eye's distorted ways.

After this party, everything would go back to normal.

Everything.

All the believers and disciples would disband, find new paths to take in society. Rika herself was apparently under the care of V himself, and would also be given a chance to heal from the wounds she'd inflicted upon herself and others. And, perhaps most importantly, you and Saeran would finally be able to continue your relationship in peace. The Mint Eye would be a thing of the past, leaving only an unbound future for you to march into.

"Ah! Saeran, (Y/N), you made it!" You turned to see the calm smile of V. "I hope you'll both stay til the end of the party. I have a small surprise planned at the end that I'm sure you'll both enjoy."

"Saeyoung has decided that he won't leave until even the party cleanup has finished, so we'll definitely be here a while." You smiled warmly at the man who, somewhat inadvertently, had helped free you from your old life.

"That's good to hear. How have the two of you been faring in Saeyoung's bunker?"

The next few hours passed like that. Small chatter with the various guests, Saeran pulling you off to the side every now and then to whisper in your ear or to kiss you, Saeyoung pulling you two back into a new conversation.

When you escaped to the bathroom, you ran into MC, who seemed rather uncomfortable to be caught alone in your presence, especially now that she knew the full story about everything that had happened. She was by no means kind in her words, but her halfhearted "We should talk sometime" seemed like an unspoken offer to make amends. It wasn't anything tangible, but you suspected that, if things continued down that route, there might come a day when the two of you would be acquaintances. Maybe even friends.

You had the pleasure of meeting the people Saeyoung worked with at the RFA: from Yoosung, the blonde college student (who you learned was Rika's cousin) to Jumin, the executive corporate heir of some company that you recognized the name of from your orphanage days.

"V, isn't it time you began the final event?" A man named 'Zen' asked.

"Ah, you're right." V smiled and bowed his head lightly. "I hope you'll all excuse me."

Before he could go, though, Jumin spoke up.

"Truly, V? You're positive that you want to sell your pictures for this event?" The black-haired man seemed skeptical, and for good reason. You'd heard from Saeyoung that V's pictures were sought after in the industry, and selling them at this specific event (noble as the cause was) might not have been the best decision for the man's career.

"As things stand, this event hasn't raised enough finances to help all those affected by the Mint Eye. If selling my pictures can play a role in sealing this chapter of Rika's past...I'm sure she'll be much better for it."

"You really still want to be with her after everything she did to Saeran and (Y/N)?" Saeyoung's question was fueled more by curiosity than anger, or any past resentment, but it made V stiffen nonetheless.

"I understand that everyone has mixed feelings...but Rika is just as broken as her followers, maybe even more. I...I just want to help her heal. And hopefully, this time, things will be different. She now has the support of her family, after all." V smiled lightly and glanced at Yoosung. Upon hearing the word 'family,' the blonde seemed to burst with energy, his smile doubling in intensity.

As V walked toward the stage, leaving you all, you couldn't help but hear Saeyoung murmur somewhat wistfully, "At least Rika brings Yoosung happiness."

And as much as the woman had wronged you, you couldn't help but agree. The blonde boy seemed to radiate joy—and after being separated from Saeran only to reunite, you would recognize the look in his eye anywhere: bliss. Bliss and relief, at reattaining that which was once lost.

Before you could dwell on the matter further, though, V's clear voice echoed through the room. Instantly, all chatter ceased, and the guests turned their attention upon him.

Well, most guests.

As V politely thanked everyone for attending the party and spoke about the important sponsors, you turned to Saeran.

"How are you feeling?" You kept your voice low so that only he could hear you, knowing how mixed his feelings still were on V and this whole situation.

"Not as bad as I thought things would be. Better, since you're by my side." Saeran smiled softly down at you, pressing a kiss to your temple. You couldn't help but lean into his touch when he laced his fingers in yours.

You wanted to say more, perhaps thank Saeran for even agreeing to come here in the first place with you, but before you could, the sound of cheering erupted all over you.

Oh.

V had begun the auction.

You watched as, all around you, people began bidding for his work. Indeed, you understood why the demand for his pictures was so high. As V unveiled album after album, you began to realize why he was a world-renowned photographer.

"Ah, this collection is one he's been asked to sell countless times. I'm glad he's finally releasing it to the public," Saeyoung murmured from next to you, providing you tidbits of information with each new album.

You watched in awe as four albums were revealed and sold, the first album sold off separately in pieces, but the others bid upon as full sets—and couldn't help but let your breath catch in your throat as each new picture was revealed.

Art.

There was no other way to describe it.

V's camera didn't just capture moments and scenes: he captured emotions.

The first album, Flowers in Laughter, left you shook with its brilliance—breaking down any questions you might have had in mind over V's capabilities.

The second, Myriad Memoir, almost scared you with how much raw emotion it brought forth.

When you saw the third, you almost forgot to breathe: each picture in Glass over Truth seeming to resonate with not just your heart but memories you thought long buried.

And even when your eyes settled over Observing Lies, when you were so confident that nothing else could shake you, your bottom lip trembled as you continued glancing from picture to picture.

You felt your heart rise and fall as each album took you on an emotional rollercoaster, bringing you to lows and highs, showing you sorrow and joy, and the delicate smidgens of hope buried underneath it all.

Truly, you couldn't look at a single one of his pictures and bear to tear your eyes away.

Your heart wouldn't let you.

And that, perhaps, was why when V's final album, was revealed, your entire body felt like it was short-circuiting.

"This album is a product of my most recent work. As many rumors have been circulating, my eyesight is indeed beginning to fail. But it is known that, in my work, I aim to photograph more than what our eyes can see—I photograph what the heart feels, and immortalize it. Which is why, despite my decreasing capabilities of vision, even I am not so blind as to fail to recognize the pure love that these individuals have in their hearts."

V pulled back the curtain that was revealing the final set of pictures, and Saeran's grip over your hand instantly tightened.

"This collection is my most prized work, a culmination of everything I sought to capture when I first decided to be a photographer. I call this album: Where Futures Begin."

Without even formally opening the bidding, people were already shouting numbers—every soul in the room wanting to own this masterpiece collection.

Because no matter how brilliant all V's previous works were, this album put them all to shame. There was no mistaking it: the angles and light and object organization left nothing to the imagination: looking at these pictures, even the biggest fools would have to see what V had managed to capture so beautifully.

You stared in awe.

Each image in the album was filled with the purest emotion: love.

Each image in the album was of you.

You and Saeran, to be specific.

You gazed at the first picture. The two of you were locked in a tight embrace just outside the Mint Eye, seeking not comfort in each others' arms but stability, as if in that time of turmoil the only reliable, unchanging foundation in your lives was each other.

The second image—you didn't even know that V had been present, but looking back it made sense that he would have seen it—was one of where the two of you were in the rain under a single umbrella. At the time, you hadn't even registered that both your outfits were varying shades of grey, but the black-and-white nature of your clothes and the background only made the splashes of color on both your cheeks all the more prominent as you clung to Saeran's sleeve while he gazed down at you adoringly, a rare smile eternalized on his face.

The third, a chaste kiss outside V's apartment when Saeyoung had brought the two of you there to speak with the man. You stared at it in awe, wondering how the image managed to capture the fleetingness of the kiss despite the lasting nature of the picture.

The photographs continued like that, all moments that you had never been aware that V had seen, but captured and developed nonetheless. He had found everything: chaste kisses, abashed glances, sweet laughs, even the wholesome hand-holding that Saeran used to be so averse to. 

By some ridiculous miracle, the man had succeeded in photographing the two of you as Saeran kissed you so passionately just outside the party hall this morning, the fast-paced motion all around you only intensifying the intimacy of the moment when you two stood still to lose yourselves in each other. You couldn't help but wonder when V had found the time to develop a picture so last-minute, given that the moment had happened just hours ago, but found yourself shaking your head. The man, as proven by this album, seemed to work wonders.

There was even a picture with Saeyoung, a snapshot of the three of you laughing, and the dispersal of red hair throughout the image told as much a story as it did reveal the varying types of love in your relationship: brotherly, platonic, and—of course—romantic.

You felt a familiar heat rise to your cheeks as the unmistakable feeling bloomed in your chest. No doubt, every person in the room who was gazing upon those pictures was feeling it too.

Love.

And at the back of your mind, you remembered how V had quietly urged you and Saeran to stay—saying that he had a lovely surprise for you two at the end.

Why, this is the best surprise a person could receive.

You found yourself unable to take the smile off your face, the grin only emboldened by Saeyoung's voice joining on the current bidding war that was going on over this album.

"I want it!" He shouted, overly dramatic as usual. You had to force his hand down to get him to listen, but by then, Saeran was egging him on.

The glint of pride in both their eyes as they gazed upon your and Saeran's love immortalized almost prompted you to let the brothers do as they pleased, but you finally found your voice.

"No, guys." You forced them both to look you in the eye amidst all the chaotic bidding. "V called this album Where Futures Begin for a reason."

It was only then that they seemed to recall the album name, and it was then that they understood the meaning of your words.

Where futures begin. But not the future itself.

The album would go home to the house of a wealthy individual, likely one who didn't have the same love in their life as the three of you had in yours'. But that fact wouldn't matter to you. It shouldn't.

Because you had your whole lives ahead of you. Lives that were finally free of the past, no longer rooted in pain or misunderstandings or misery.

This album was V's gift to the three of you. It was a Congratulations! present in advance, commemorating the balance of love that the three of you would be sharing from that day and every day onward. Through thick and thin, that would become the new constant in your lives: the emotion that V had selected when he first saw the way you and Saeran gazed into each others' eyes. Love.

And while others would get to enjoy the sight of where your future together began, you all would have something so much better: the actual future.

At long last, you had finally reached a state where no one else would be able to steal that future away.

No, that future belonged to you, Saeran, and Saeyoung. No others.

A flame ignited in your heart at the thought, fanned by sudden thoughts of having to go through life without either of the boys that you'd grown so dependent on.

Though as you gazed upon their understanding faces and knowing smiles, you realized that there was no need to fear.

These two boys were your future.

Nothing would ever be able to take that away from you.

Fin.

MASTERLIST

Neutral Route: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | ✔

Saeyoung’s Route: 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | ✔

Saeran’s Route: 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | ✔

Word count: 2.7k

Notes: Wow. It feels so bittersweet, that this (my first series ever) is coming to a close after a total of 29 chapters, but it fills me with happiness that i actually succeeded in getting this done. I'm thankful to you guys for reading this, because I never would have been able to complete this otherwise. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for commenting, thank you for liking, thank you for reading. It's been such a ride (four whole months!) and while this journey is over, i hope that you'll join me in the next fic :) I hope you enjoyed this series, and I hope that you have an absolutely wonderful day. <3

Comment & Like

Thank you for reading <3

I do not own the rights to Mystic Messenger or any of the characters within it.

#saeran #707 #saeran x reader #707 x reader #saeyoung #saeyoung x reader #romance #love triangle #seven #seven x reader #sondepoch #mystic #mysticmessenger #mysme #wherefuturesbegin #reader #xreader #fanfiction #minteye #saeyoung x reader x saeran #saeran x reader x saeyoung #707 x reader x saeran #saeran x reader x 707 #twins #choices #COMPLETED

[xsecretblastsx]

1x10 - High Society

Finally I’ve reach a double digit episode, and what an episode, I feel this is where I really start questioning characters decisions, but I also love drama so, withouth more preamble, here’s the recap. Again it got insanely long.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love “comin home baby”, so right there this show is making me so happy.

I’ve actually paused the episode to see the date of the debutante ball a.k.a Cotillion 

I love Blair’s red tigh outfit, also where did that guy Prince Theodore came from?

Chuck’s proud face when Nate mentions how happier Blair seems lately, and also, dude really you don’t miss your girlfriend haha

Honestly I feel this scene with all these parallel conversations about Cotillion is great, right up my alley.

All the subtle drama in that rehearsal, the secret glances, Chuck and Nate keeping their eyes on Blair all the time, this is the kind of content I’m here for. 

I would  like to know why everyone is in their preppy uniforms and then there’s Kati and Is who look like they’re part of Flashdance

Lilly rolling her eyes the moment she sees CeCe, and then really enjoying Cece’s mortification when she realizes Dan is a Humphrey. I love Lilly.

And from Cece’s horrified face we go to hottest PG-13 make out ever. For real though I love this scene, they both look so good and so into it, and they’re so deliciously flirty and their chemistry is out of the charts. Great choice in music too.

I don’t know who is more frustrating by Nate interrupting Chuck or myself.

Chuck’s little smile when Blair says to Nate they should  move on, only to be whipped out in the next minute

Two things about the heart pin: that was an incredibly smart move on Nate’s part, and if you had any doubt Blair Waldorf is such a hopeless romantic.

Cece such a manipulator, it’s unbelievable. Imagine if Serena was more like her family...

Nate’s tux fitting deserves an honorable mention just for the fact that Blair’s actually wearing jeans. Also he kind of deserves she’s lowkey ignoring him

I mean, Dan is so annoying, like yeah I get his point Cotillion is such an elitist unnecessary event, but the way he goes about it gets on my nerves.

Hello Carter. I actually don’t mind him this episode. 

Out of all the seasons I feel like Season 1 is the one where it’s weirder for the final reveal of who gossip girl is, right now it makes the guy really look like a sociopath, with all the stuff he pretends not to know.

Oh Nate! This scene is so fun, like Chuck is so done with the conversation and then “you guys are still pretty close aren’t you?” Dude you have no idea. And the Cherry on the cake “Could you find out who she’s seeing? - Me” he told you Nate, he told you.

Cece’s words to Dan are cruel, but it is the crux of their relationship,, right until the very end and he deals with it in the worst way possible, and why in his mind, every issue in their relationship is always Serena’s fault. Ugh.

Between Dan and Carter, yeah she should have ended with Carter, too bad Cece’s word weren’t profetic.

I wish we had a clearer view of Blair’s outfit in that scene she’s talking with that New York Times guy, because I think it’s purple, and I wish we had seen her using that color a bit more.

Chuck is so jealous and Blair’s like yeah whatever as if. But a jealous Chuck is scheming Chuck. 

I love Rufus, you go Dan (just for this one time)

I’ve always felt Serena’s look for Cotillion was a lot of gold, not in a good way, but right now? I’m kind of feeling it. And she looks gorgeous. 

I mean I think there was probably a better way to say that Grandma Cece is evil, but still I’m not sure it would have matter Serena didn’t want to listen, she never does actually now that I think of it, the end of S3 comes to mind.

Blair has the funniest lines “I’m gonna go Naomi Campbell on you” Is so sad though that we got to see so little of that Erickson Beamon necklace, it’s lovely.

“Hey Beatiful” oh the things one notices when one no longer hates Carter and VanderBaizen is your second Serena ship.

Lily and Cece’s faces at Serena’s presentation stament are to die for.

The pretty little liars song! But since I haven’t watch that show, this one is going to remain a Gossip Girl song for me.

Seeing Cece and Lily at Cotillion makes me think that Blair’s parents are the worst, it’s their daughter debut and none of them could be bothered to attend the event

It didn’t remember this was the first time they mentioned the Santorini incident, less of all in the way Carter tells it, I thought this was first mentioned in S2, 

Not exactly a fan of Lily’s scene with Dan, because yes I agree at this point for the most part Dan is a good influence, but she almost makes it look like Serenas change is thanks to Dan, and that’s not the case. She had decided to change even before she met him.

Also this is feeding Dan’s ego and his belief that he’s the best thing to happen to his girlfriends. 

Oh Chuck finding out than when it comes to Blair scheming is not an easy feat,  and to think this in only the first time this is going to happen.

Poor Chuck, that hurt. Nate’s wink adding salt to his wounds ouch.

That phone between Ruflus and Lily, yes you shouldn’t have let her go!!!

Oh how I used to like that last scene between Dan and Serena.

Seeing that scene of Cece taking her pills made me think of S5, and that’s probably the episode I hate the most in the whole show.

Blair and Nate finally get to it, but seriously Blair doing it with Nate while wearing the necklace Chuck gave you, is tasteless. Also compared to a certain scene at the start of the episode, this looks a bit dull..

Chuck running away, also him looking at the news paper where Blair is happily smiling with some guy, reminded me again of S5. 

Ending this episode with “Apologize” was so 2007, remember how popular this song was?

This was a really packed episode. It introduces us to Cece, and gaves a bit more insight into Rufus and Lily’s history. We have Jenny picking the UES over her family, she’s changing. A dash of Van der Baizen, and our first glimpse to their shared past. Dan and Serena having another clash of worlds, that ends with Lily finally acepting Dan for real; and finally the end of Chuck and Blair 1.0 and the star of Nate and Blair 2.0.

While interesting Jenny’s and Rufly bits this episode, they’re a small part of the episode, Jenny’s in particular feels like a setting up of events to come and as such I feel I have not much to say about it right now. So this episode Dan and Serena had to deal with quite an opponent: Grandma Cece.

Cece while manipulative did raised some interesting points, mainly how out of place Dan feels in the UES, all those things she mentioned are things that Dan resents about the UES, and he may be brushing it up aside for now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t linger and fester in his mind. And then we have Serena who for some reason (which i can’t help but feel is related to Dan) has decided to ditch Cotillion, the even that according to Lily she wanted to attend since she was much younger, and sure people change, Serena is proof of that but in this case I feel her not going is in part to annoyed her mother but also to prove Dan she’s the girl he thhinks she is, i know I may be projecting my dislike of Dan and Derena on this, but it just feels like that to me, and it’s a troubling aspect of their relationship. Also when Dan mentioned to Serena about Cece’s ploy, she doesn’t believe him, doesn’t want to hear it at first, and I just feel for her because sadly is not the first time she’s going to have to accept that her family is not who she think they were.

Last but not least there’s Chuck and Blair. So their secret fling lasted only a month, since the beginning it took Chuck much less effort to embrace the situation, for all his playboys ways the morning after their first time... he wanted them to get breakfast, and it took him Nate messing up again for him to convince Blair of giving them another chance. So when Nate shows interest in Blair, this is Chuck’s worst nightmare come to life, Blair had her whole life with Nate planned out since she was a little girl, she only gave up on that dream when it was clear Nate wanted no part of it, and sure Chuck knows the potential they have, he lowkey always knew, and that’s why he falls so fast, because subconciously he was halfway there since foreve, but it’s very hard to compete with years of Nate, Nate Nate, in Blairs head. So he panics, he gets jealous... and he plots. And it backfires horribly. And for the first time in his life he gets his heart broken.

I don’t judge Blair on this one though because well she knows Chuck, he has an agenda always, and him being Chuck Bass it never occurs to her that he may be realy into her beyond just sex, to her all they being doing is fooling around, she tells Chuck that he needs to learned to behave for them to move to something more, and Chuck behaving is an eufemism of so many things: trust,knowing that she matters to him enough, that he cares. And that’s a big step and it’s a conversation that needed to happen.. and then it doesn’t. Thanks Nate. But really having Nate finally wanting her, and then Chuck seemingly only caring for himself and his own amusement is not suprise she picks Nate. 

I do feel for Chuck because when he gets desperate he doesn’t think properly at all,  he knows Blair, how smart she is and that she’s a good at him at plotting and manipulation,and yet he fails to take that into account, like this episode, he wants Nate to cause a scene to shatter Blair’s image of Nate, because she tells him he would never, so it’s not hard for Blair to see that Nate only caused one because Chuck manipulated into it, it’s transparent. And this is a lesson that sadly he’s not going to learn anytime soon. 

Random bits I would like to mention: ( a bit surprised I got so many for this episode)

So Blair’s birthday is the 15th of november, this means Chuck and Blair version 1.0 lasted a month. Common knowledge I suppose, but I’ve read fanfics where the timeline is much shorter. 

A bit of personal trivia: I love the song “you’re a wolf” (the one playing when Chuck and Blair are making out) and last year was kind of weird for me and I had like a thousand mood changes so anyway, so there was one week I started listening to this song, and I just couldn’t stop re playing it, just so out of nowhere, I played it so much, it ended up being my most played song last year according to Spotify. 

I remember when the type of purse Jenny has was on fashion, and it was cool because it got to the point that street markets they were sold really cheap because they made them out or recycled materials

Chuck tells to Nate that “like the book says she’s just not that into you” and it made think that this was so long ago that there was only the book, the movie wasn’t out yet, wow.. 

I wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t fight with Dan, because then Carter wouldn’t have been at Cotillion, and then the drama between Chuc, Blair and Nate could have ended up in a completely different way.

The Palace does likes like a good place to have the Cotillion, not sure that would have been the case in real life, but here it fits nicely.

Irrelevant but apparently Kati and Is do everything together at such an extent they were scorted by two guys that I guess were brothers because they had the same last name.

You won’t believe but The Pierces have a 2020 version of Secret, it came out on my new releases list on Spotify last week.

#gossip girl #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch #1x10 #high society

[venxmedina]

hellllo family :~) guess who’s baaaack !! it’s chelly, with my sassy little babie venice, whom i love very much and hopefully you do, too !! she’s a fun one to go out with, will flirt with you, takes up dance studio time whenever she can, and isn’t afraid to voice her opinions. i’m so excited to get her back into the swing of things, since i am bringing her back from a smol hiatus !! like this or shoot me a message if you’d like to plot :pleading fc: :~)

— && guests may mistake me as ( camila mendes ), but really i am ( venice medina + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 3/31/1995 ). i am applying for the ( housekeeper ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( 213 ). i should be hired because i am ( charming & witty ), but i can also be ( cunning & dramatic ) at times. personally, i like to ( go shopping, attend dance classes & practice self care ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work.

okay before this gets waaaay too long lmfao here’s a TL:DR of venice, her pinterest board, and her connection page 

venice is a spoiled rich girl who mommy & daddy never really paid much attention to except when it came to succeeding in life and she responded to that by partying and being a wild child tbqh, resulting in her parents cutting her off and forcing her to take on a real job at the malnati. she’s returning after her grandfather passed, which essentially turned into just another instance of her parents controlling her life and not trusting her to take care of herself or the medina family name. she’s resentful of them bc they never rlly believed in her and instead treated her more-so as a pawn to advance their family's position which is a lil dehumanizing as a daughter and she's now determined to prove them wrong and actually make something of herself. her parents put her into ballet classes from such a young age and although most of anything they made her do has mostly been tainted now, dance is the one thing that's stuck and brings her so much joy and purpose so she still takes classes & is in search of a permanent partner to compete with.  she’s more than just a pretty lil rich girl, like she does have a heart ( kind of a big one but lowkey tho asdlfj ), but she's also got a bit of an identity crisis now that she's fully on her own and not under the influence of her parents or with the comfort of her brother, and that's ... different. kind of a cold bitch, but she’s charming and sociable and has a good heart but she’s guarded and afraid of getting hurt.

here is her pinterest board & her connection page <3 i’d especially love some hookup buds, a dance partner, childhood enemy, one night stands, fake relationships, fiesty friends, frenemies, and just about anything tbh :~)

tw: drugs & alcohol mention, neglect, death

*:･ﾟ･✧･ who am i?: the medina family fortune was founded during the gold rush era in which the family immigrated from brazil and were talented metal-workers who could turn such raw materials into works of sheer beauty. jewelry, picture frames, gold plated toilet seats and architectural elements alike - everyone in hollywood wanted something made by the medinas. their prominence never weaned, either. throughout the decades, the family fortune has amassed well beyond anyone’s wildest dreams and therefore money is barely to be considered to the medinas despite them still understanding the value of a dollar earned. given the diversity in which the wealth is spread, and the investments that it has been used to make, it is obvious that they are a family of considerable wealth making up the upper class. their high-rise in the upper east side really says it all. this was the world that venice was introduced to, and quite frankly, it was all she had ever known. her guarded building was as much as she was allowed to venture out into for many a year, where the doorman was a babysitter and mrs. winters’ dog a few floors down was a friend. of course, there were a few other kids in her building whose parents were either fond or jealous of the medinas, so until she went to school venice did get to socialize with kids her own age too. her older brother, lucca, was one of her biggest saving graces. he was one of the only people in her life that truly gave her the time of day, and as much as it pained venice to be constantly overlooked by her parents in favor of lucca, he was her best friend. for all intents and purposes, he was the only medina who made her feel like she even had a family, and if there's anyone she's more loyal to than anyone else, it'd him. but per her education, venice attended private schools in the city throughout her life, even being tutored by some of the most highly reputable and paid retired teachers in the entire state for extra attention. getting a proper education was more important to her parents than it was to venice, so she put in the minimal effort needed. it wasn’t as if she was ever going to be given a failing grade, and it wasn't as though an A on a paper was going to garner her parents' attention for long ( if at all - it was what was expected of her ). the girl knew of her influence and the power her family held from an early age. whatever she wanted, she got, and that was the precedent that had been set from infancy. whatever would get her to stop whining, that’s what she got.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ attention to detail: half of the battle for venice, though, throughout her life, was garnering her parent’s attention. her father was a proven, accomplished businessman who was often out of the state or city to tend to whatever firm needed his attention. her mother was a socialite who was more concerned with keeping up the image of a perfect household than actually tending to one. it wasn’t that there was a lack of love for her, from her parents, it was just rather that care was seldom expressed when venice so desperately needed it. she had spent more time with nannies and tutors and tennis instructors than she did her own parents, and that left a vacancy in her heart. naturally, her relationship with her brother was one that she worked on every day; they were thick as thieves and everyone knew the medina siblings. but, she couldn't follow her brother all day for the rest of her life, and as much as his love helped fill some of those voids in her heart, it wasn't always enough, either. she sought out their attention in so many different avenues. whether that be through ballet dance recitals, throwing temper tantrums if she wasn’t getting her way, leaving notes on her mother and father’s pillows … venice really tried all of it. and sure, she would occasionally get some kind of attention in return, but it was usually fleeting and uninspiring. they favored lucca in just about every aspect, and expected him to carry on the family name, line, and company so in a lot of ways - he took precedence. and this wasn’t dissimilar to the experiences of some of the people she called her friends at the time. her parents were busy people who didn’t have much time to deal with the handful of a daughter that they had.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ to be needed: this is where much of venice’s neediness has stemmed from. she truly does seek out those who are more likely to give her attention, to feed into her, even though she has been taken advantage of time and time again over the years. it’s not something she is even consciously aware of, it’s mostly just something that happens. or at least that’s how it started out. even to this day it can be difficult for venice to understand what a mutually beneficial relationship looks like, but that doesn’t mean she’s incapable of learning. for a long time, the people who wanted to be in her life also wanted access to the lavish lifestyle that follows her. this often meant that so many of venice’s ‘friendships’ were hollow, and merely existed to the benefit of the other person. it took awhile before venice started to realize that all of the trips she took people on, the random shopping sprees, the VIP bottle service, the ‘borrowed’ gucci and hermes - it was all for nothing. it wasn’t until she graduated that all of this dawned on the girl, but it did. and while she still feels that aching need to be surrounded by others, to be validated in some way, she is far more guarded now and protective of herself; she isn’t just going to be used by anyone ever again, and that lesson is one she holds very close to her heart. which she’d personally describe as a cold one if only to protect it.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ reckless abandon: but … speaking of, like so many of our favorite little rich girls, venice has always been a rebellious one. it started when she was a sixteen year old who had access to her own limo and could go wherever the hell she wanted. she had met plenty of other affluent sons and daughters of her parent’s pals by that point, and they had their own sort of ‘code’ amongst them. she started experimenting with drugs and alcohol at an early age and since it was what everyone else was doing, it allowed her to be a part of the club, and that’s what she was searching for. it warranted attention from the paparazzi, from these other so-called ‘friends’ of hers. her beach house in the hamptons was her playground every weekend during the summer and it was good she had a maid service on speed dial because after her friends were through on a sunday night, it was necessary. she'd grown to essentially need a bottle of titos if she were going out or a few bumps to get her through a night, and it was incredibly unhealthy, but it was one of those staples that made her feel better. even for a little. even in fleeting moments.

when she was graduating from her private academy and just turning 18, the need and desire to escape her family's imposing pressures and lack of care grew deeply. she knew that she wanted to escape to the west coast, and after spending far too many weekends jet-setting all over the country, the dry heat that filed the arizona air was appealing to her. she was miles away from her parent's, but still close enough to the beach and access to all the funds she could ever ask for. she was a party girl who barely attended classes and it was her family name that mostly got her through the couple of years that she even attended. she spent most of her time shopping, getting high, and drinking all night long. perhaps what was the most shocking was the relationship venice found herself in. he was a football player, older, undoubtedly gorgeous, and one of the kindness people venice had ever met ... up until meeting mason, she had basically only been surrounded by people who wanted to use her and didn't genuinely give a shit about her at the end of the day; they were in it for themselves, and mason was the exact opposite. he considered her, was far more mature than most of the people she'd ever spent time with, and she latched onto that breath of positivity and openness that was mason davis. even till this day, her relationship with mason was the longest one she'd ever found herself in, and to put it simply: she fell in love and she fell hard. some of her fondest memories were cheering him on at every game, celebrating the wins, and introducing him to anyone she could who was in the professional scene because she believed in him more than anyone else. he was unlike anyone she'd ever met before and cared for him more than she could understand; he was her first true relationship, someone who deserved to be her one and only, and while it terrified her how much she felt for him, she thought it was all reciprocal - so what was there to worry about? well, the night to worry came. and it was when mason broke up with her - supposedly, with his graduation date coming, he wanted to spare her the hurt ... but, in reality, all it did was shatter the girl's heart at twenty years old and it's never fully recovered since.

it didn't take long for venice to go off the deep end after the breakup ... being at the university of arizona was way too much, and every memory that used to bring her nothing but happiness was tainted. every ounce of personal growth that she had worked on seem to vanish overnight, and she was just angry, and hurt, and it was like all of those moments her parents made her feel like she wasn't enough - they were right. and still ... she needed home, to go home, to be surrounded by people who she was familiar with and who she knew would let her lean on them ... even if there were only a couple of people back home who'd comfort her, even if it was just lucca, she needed to go back to the city she knew like the back of her hand. even to be surrounded by people who'd pretend to care about her just for a night in her lifestyle. so she put in a transfer application to NYU, and yet again, it was her family name and pedigree that got her into the school. and attending NYU ... well it wasn't much better and when she first started at UoA. she’d hook up with anyone who she deemed interesting and the next night she was onto someone new. she was almost desperate in getting over mason in the only way she knew how ... getting under someone else. and she did a whole lot of that. everyone knew who she was on the party scene and you either hated venice or loved venice - but no matter what, you knew who she was. and that's how she survived her last two years ... making the rounds, living it up, partying and relying on her favorite substances .. it wasn't good, and it wasn't pretty, but it was what she knew best and that's what she reverted to at the time.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ riptide: anytime she could garner his parent’s attention with her reckless escapades, it was a win. that’s what she wanted. she wanted their attention, no matter what way she could get it, and there was something extremely fun in the process of getting it. but as she got older, her parents stopped caring as much. they knew venice wasn’t making healthy choices, spent too much time partying and out all night rather than studying, that she probably was crying over for something or someone, but that wasn’t what they were most concerned with. no, they were more concerned with the tabloids and the family’s reputation - that’s why they weren't paying venice any attention while she was away at NYU. they’d threaten to cut her off and that she would no longer be apart of their family if she continued to act this way in public. whether it was in a headline or on social media, she was being filmed and photographed acting out and being a truly spoiled brat which wasn’t the image that her family so desperately sought to protect.

*:･ﾟ･✧･this is growing up: it has been a true emotional rollercoaster between venice and her parents - constantly struggling to support their daughter and ‘set her on the right path’ versus venice’s ‘devil may care’ attitude. so many of her parents threats have been empty, and she had never truly thought that in all of their attempts to get her to be the picture perfect daughter that they wanted that they’d cut her off and force her to fend for herself. but, that’s exactly what happened. after graduating NYU with a degree in marketing, venice figured that her parents were get her in to one of the top agencies in the city and she would be able to live out her life with the top dogs like her father had. and for a long time, that is exactly what her parents had promised her. but then her graduation came and it was just after that she had pulled her biggest stunt and had stripped down on top of the bar at one of her parent’s fundraising events during a drunken stupor. that was truly a turning point in her relationship with her parents, considering just how badly she embarrassed them at their own fundraising event. and truly it all stemmed from that desire to be seen by them, by anyone, to be considered at all. the most they were concerned with when it came to venice was where she was going to be working and later living. they didn’t care that she was depressed, covering it up with partying and alcohol, that she wanted their love to be expressed and to feel as though she belonged to a real family. and she’s always known her life is wonderful compared to so many others, and there is guilt that comes from that, too, but still she couldn’t stop herself from acting out when she needed attention the most. and that is when her parents ultimately decided to cut her off - freeze her accounts, reposses her car, and force her to get a job that would actually put her back into the real world.

*:･ﾟ･✧･out here on my own: and really, that is how venice has ended up in chicago in the first place. the medinas are friends with the malnatis, and they agreed to take her on as an employee through the employee housing program and to ( most importantly ) get her away from mommy & daddy and out of The City. it’s the first time in her life where she’s without friends, money, or any sort of support. honestly, she feels quite abandoned by her family, as she looks at it like they got sick of dealing with her so they shipped her off elsewhere to be someone else’s problem. the resentment is there, and now more than ever venice is determined to show her parents that she doesn’t need them or their money, that she’s going to be capable of being on her own and working a medial job like being a maid without crawling back to them. sure, she’s going to hate cleaning up after people when she used to have a nanny who would tidy up her own place, as she truly has been spoiled, but she’s determined to grin and bare it before going back home. besides, so much of her life has been focused on gaining their attention, approval, to be validated by anyone, to be seen as something more than just a pretty face with a fat bank account … and while she hasn’t always helped herself to be seen in any other light, she’s consumed by the idea of doing so now. this is the first time in venice’s life where she isn’t under her parent’s thumb. where she isn’t constantly under the influence of some substance. where she isn’t doing something insanely foolish or unhealthy to try and gain the favor of someone whos approval requires chasing. she’s really just getting to live within her own skin, be herself and figure out what that looks like.

after working at the malnati for a handful of months, it was a family emergency that landed her back in new york ... her grandfather had passed, the true patriarch of the family, and that came with a lot of 'passing of the guard' within the medina family enterprise. it meant funerals, and meetings with lawyers, and memorial services, and rekindlings with her brother, and public appearances, and making statements and being interviewed for magazines, and it was then that venice had truly learned of her position in her family. while her grandfather had left her stock options in her name when he passed, and plenty for her to be able to live comfortably off of for the rest of her life, it was so written that it was contingent upon her father's disbursement of the stocks when he deemed she was so fit to handle them. so it was even in death, her family did not trust her enough to be able to handle herself. she was still considered reckless, unreliable, and unworthy of holding a stake in medina international ... while it wasn't anything new or surprising to venice, it still hurt just the same. because she'd spent the past year working on herself, away from the pressures of being a medina, separated from her family and essentially disowned by her own parents and even still, she found herself at their mercy once more. it would come at no surprise that she decided to leave it all behind her once more ... which is why she's returned to chicago, not as a guest at the malnati, but as an employee. as someone with aspirations and desires to move up in the world, once more on her own, once more with a heart she's nursing from lovers she's had to say goodbye to, once again without the support of her family, and furthermore with the wrath and persistence only a medina can procure.

*:･ﾟ･✧･it’s a new dawn: she still gives into her pleasures, whether that be sex or art or dancing, all of which she’s never been able to kick but she manages them well and enjoys them all the same. she is still a good time, someone fun to be around, and is always willing to get the party started no matter where she is. she’s kind of done it all, and while some of that has been left behind now that she’s got some different focuses in life, venice knows what makes her feel best and doesn’t want to deprive herself of that, either. she’s currently obsessed with her taking dance classes and is constantly updating her instagram followers on all that she can show them when she’s in the studio. after taking ballet classes for most of her life, she is quite good and likes to indulge in those, but her latest passion has been in salsa and hip hop. it’s not only a great workout to keep herself in shape but she likes the way she feels when she’s doing it, too. and piano lessons were big in her household, as her parents wanted her to be educated in the arts too, so she’s kept a keyboard lying around her things in case she ever feels a spark of desire to mess around on the keys.

*:･ﾟ･✧･it’s a new day: mostly, venice is a guarded gal who loves to have a good time and will absolutely give anyone a hard time when they deserve it. she’s dramatic, to a fault, and she knows it and could not care less. to quote, “i am who i am, and if you don’t like it then there’s the door.”. she’s loyal to the people that she decides she wants to have in her life, but will be very cautious about those she doesn’t trust right away, which can stem from some kind of experience of her own judgement since she does tend to operate off of preconceived notions of people until proven otherwise. and despite being crass, she can also be rather charming, and is a sociable person at her core so she will be willing to strike up conversations with whoever - but whether the conversation goes well or not is another thing. her ultimate weakness though is pretty people, as she is attracted to both men and women, and likes to engage in all kinds of relationships with anyone she thinks is attractive and interesting. so if she starts flirting with you, she has every intention on getting to know you one way or another. in truth, venice has a good heart, and it’s simply masked by a lot of vibrato and insecurity. her biggest fear is not being enough, and that’s so much of the reason why she’s never really tried to be anything. but since being cut off, and repeatedly cast aside by her family, she’s found this rejuvenated sense of desire to prove everyone wrong - that she is worth a damn, that she can work her way up the ladder and break out into the ‘real world’ on her own, that she’s enough.

also if you got this far honestly thank you asdkfalf i do not deserve you lmfao this has been a journey and if you had to suffer through all the typos i’ve likely made, i owe you <3

#malnatiooc #+ ( introduction * . ) #here we go :~)

[empaths-hsp]

7 ‘Rules’ for Highly Sensitive People to Protect Their Energy

Anyone is welcome in my world, but there are a few rules, because I’m choosing to no longer be manipulated or shamed for being sensitive.

I am a highly sensitive person, and if I’m being honest, it’s not easy being me. I am not like other people, and sometimes I don’t fit in. I have little patience for shallow conversation, arbitrary rules, loud, disorganized environments, hate, or purposeful unkindness. I can “feel” it when we connect, and I am very aware when we don’t. I am interested in conversations that get to the root of things. I am not interested in listening to what you think I want to hear.

However, I haven’t always been able to express these preferences. I grew up believing I was too sensitive. I formed thick barriers around myself to guard against emotion. Emotion, in my world, could and would be used against me.

Unfortunately, blocking out mad or sad feelings also blocks out happy ones. At that point in my life, I was not a happy person. Trying to fit in and make people like me was exhausting. I was not able to say no, simply because I wanted approval — and I ended up resenting the demands that I allowed others to make on me.

A Life-Changing Realization

Later in life, I learned that I’m a highly sensitive person — and this changed everything for me. To put it simply, everyone has a sensitive side, but roughly 1 in 5 people are more sensitive than others, or what researchers call highly sensitive people (HSPs). HSPs tend to process information very deeply, which can make them quite gifted — but it also means they “burn through” a lot of mental energy. Too much stimulation completely drains them.

(Wondering if that might be you? Here are the signs you are a highly sensitive person.)

Today, I’m working toward living a more authentic life, and that starts with self-care. Despite all the photos brightly splashed around Instagram, “self-care” was a new term for me. I’ve since learned that good self-care isn’t just a bubble bath — it’s also about setting the right boundaries. Anyone is welcome in my world, but there are a few rules. I’m choosing not to be manipulated, guilted, or shamed into doing things that don’t align with my vision for a healthy life.

You know the craziest part? I have way better relationships and a stronger sense of belonging now. So here are seven “rules” I follow that I hope will help you, too.

7 ‘Rules’ for Sensitive People

1. If you’re not nice, you cannot come here.

For HSPs, other human beings are the brightest thing on their mental radar, all on account of their brain wiring. So when someone makes passive-aggressive comments, I notice. I usually don’t acknowledge it, but you better believe I caught it. Likewise, when the conversation veers toward gossip, it can be so easy to get sucked into the negativity, and it always makes me feel awful just for having participated in any way. And, if you talk down to me or make me feel judged for not liking what you like, that’s not okay either.

Sure, I will be gracious to you if we come in contact, but you are not welcome in my home, nor will I attend one of your functions. The energy that emanates from negativity is like poison to HSPs, and it’s dangerous for our mood and outlook to absorb. So I avoid these people at all costs.

2. No takers.

Highly sensitive people are givers by nature. Empathetic and caring, we want to help whenever possible. But there will always be some people who abuse our generosity. These people are called takers, according to psychologist Adam Grant, and they focus only on getting as much as they can from others. Spending too much time with them actually makes me feel physically sick from the exhaustion.

You know the type. These are the ones who always want something, are always complaining, or are always playing the victim. Or the one who always has to one-up you: “Well, if you think that’s bad, you should hear about what happened to me.” These people will suck you dry of your mental and physical energy if you allow them to. If they could, they would have you taking their children to soccer practice and making them dinner while they’re at the spa!

3. Stop the glorification of busy.

We live in a culture that glorifies being busy. If you’re not constantly running around, getting things done, then you’re not productive, maybe even lazy. However, this is not the case, especially for highly sensitive people, who need more downtime than others to recharge. If you’re constantly run down, can’t commit to anything, don’t have time to help out a friend once in a while, or are continuously stressed and frazzled, it’s time to reevaluate. Ask yourself: Are you living life the way you want to, or do you feel as if you’re spinning like a top and barely hanging on for dear life? Do you do things you enjoy, even just occasionally?

I used to think I had to prove my worthiness with a rundown of all my appointments, soccer games, clubs, Society of Martyrs meetings, etc. Now, I am delightfully, unapologetically un-busy. I take time to drink a cup of tea and play with my kids. You want to meet for coffee? Sure, I got time. As a highly sensitive person, I love meaningful conversations over a hot beverage.

And yes, of course, I have a million things to do, but I have prioritized and eliminated the things from my to-do list that don’t fit with my vision for my life — or at least my vision for today. Some days are busy and it can’t be helped. I acknowledge that. I’m not saying you should quit your job and stop feeding your kids! Obviously, some things are mandatory.

But seriously, prioritize. Your worthiness is not attached to your productivity, so don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

4. ‘No’ is a complete answer.

You don’t need a reason to say “no.” People almost never ask why. If saying no right away feels too uncomfortable, buy yourself some time to answer. For example:

Pushy PTA lady: “Can you make three dozen cupcakes for the bake sale?”

You: “Wow, I’d love to help with the bake sale, but I should check my schedule first. I’ll get back to you.”

This gives you time to give it some thought. Maybe you do want to do it. But if you don’t, it gives you time to come up with an alternative solution, like purchasing cupcakes rather than baking them.

If someone will not take no for an answer, it might be time to sit down and discuss boundaries. I find this happens most often within families. If you fail to lay out boundaries, trust me, you will live in resentment. I know, because I’ve been there. Having an honest conversation can be hard, especially for us highly sensitive people since conflict can be overstimulating for us. But, in the long run, resentment can be much harder on a relationship than an honest conversation.

(If you have trouble saying no, here are some tips.)

5. It’s okay to feel “too much.”

Especially right now, this world can feel so sad, broken, and lonely, and nobody feels that deeper than a highly sensitive person. But as sensitive people, we may bottle up our true feelings because we don’t want others to think we’re “too much” — and this is dangerous. Obviously, there is a time and a place for everything. The important thing is to make space to process your feelings.

If you’re not sure how to do that, start with journaling, which can be especially helpful for HSPs during troubled times. Trust me, feelings that go unacknowledged don’t just disappear. They lay dormant and come out in ways that are almost always negative and destructive. Have you ever snapped at your spouse and thought, where in the world did that come from? Maybe it was because he forgot to bring home that loaf of bread — last week — and you were still holding onto anger. Journaling will help you process your emotions, everything from frustration with your spouse to anxiety about the world at large.

6. Read a little every day.

I know I’m not the only highly sensitive person who drinks in books. I need words like I need food. There were many years when I did not make the time to read. I thought it was selfish.

But reading is the kind of downtime that soothes and informs. It’s a win-win. There’s nothing better than the connectedness that happens when words written decades, or even centuries, ago speak to one’s heart and remind us that we are not alone.

Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter just for HSPs. One email, every Friday. Subscribe here.

7. Not everything is about you.

Dear sensitive soul, you are different. You process things differently and more fully than others do. You are going to pick up on things that are not meant for you.

I wish someone had told me these words years ago. I used to take things very personally until I realized that the moods and attitudes of others rarely have anything to do with me. This was a lightbulb moment for me because I didn’t realize that most people don’t notice as much as I do. Now that I know, I can put things in perspective and let them go. She may not have answered my text because she’s busy, not because she’s angry at me, I tell myself.

Alternatively, others won’t always pick up on the signals that I put out. I used to think I was being obvious about my needs, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t stating them clearly. Learning how to speak up for my needs was a real turning point for me. And with that came the realization that people are not going to love me in the same way that I love them — in a way that only a highly sensitive person can — but that doesn’t mean their love is less.

HSP, it’s not selfish to care for yourself. It’s not selfish to schedule downtime. When you have rules that protect your energy, you are at your best for the people who need you. You will find yourself more willing and able to be generous without feeling resentful.

Find ways that work for you that get you closer to your vision of the life you want. If people and situations make you uncomfortable, there is a reason for that. Trust those instincts, because they will help you create the life you want.

You might like:

How Highly Sensitive People Can Stop Saying Yes When They Want to Say No

8 Tips for HSPs to Take ‘Little’ Things Less Personally

These 21 Things Stress Out Highly Sensitive People the Most

The post 7 ‘Rules’ for Highly Sensitive People to Protect Their Energy appeared first on Highly Sensitive Refuge.

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#Empaths #Introverts #Highly Sensitive People #Tips

[emotional-support-demon-crowley]

I can’t stop thinking about Good Omens...

SPOILERS AHEAD. This is mostly based on the show though I’ve read the book many times over the years. Though it’s not the point or the purpose of what follows, you could boil this whole theory down to ‘god shipped an angel and a demon so hard she made the earth and humanity so they could meet and fall in love and then she created an ineffable plan in which they also managed to save it’.

So here goes. Both Aziraphale and Crowley are very different from their respective counterparts. 

Aziraphale is genuinely nice and agonizes over being good and doing the right thing when all of the others of his ilk that we meet really don’t. 

There’s a lot of evidence that Crowley is basically the same. Sure, he rolls his eyes at the other demons methods because they aren’t thinking big enough, but really, I think he just can’t stomach targeting evil towards a single individual. In truth, he’s pretty appalled when he encounters the evils dreamed up by humanity. And yeah, he’s stylish af and full of bravado, but that just makes the rest of the demons resent even him more.

So one day, bam! god creates the earth and both heaven and hell have the same thought. They both independently seem to have said to these misfits, “We have a very important job for you. The humans must be monitored. Go very far away from us and keep tabs on that. For 6000 years.”

So Aziraphale and Crowley show up on earth and I think in general they’re thrilled to be away from the repressive, toxic environments they came from. But they’re still fundamentally lonely.

From this perspective, their first conversation in the garden is so perfect. They are both adorable cinnamon rolls that are starved for attention and desperate for camaraderie, so Crowley decides to just strike up a conversation. What has he got to lose? And they both seem sort of excited/amused that they have a pleasant interaction. It’s probably the best conversation they’ve had maybe ever based on all the other angels and demons we meet. 

I think it’s very telling that Aziraphale never admits to anyone else that he gave the sword away. He tells Crowley, one of his mortal enemies, after like half a minute of nice chit chat. And he gets all happily flustered when Crowley, despite the light sarcasm, says that he doesn’t think Aziraphale could do the wrong thing. This is in stark contrast to how he’s treated by everyone in heaven who constantly reinforce that he’s not measuring up to angel standards at every turn.

This scenario would explain why neither side really seems to check up on them. They’re reporting back, sure, but no one is bothering to verify facts on either side. Crowley does make the presentation about the highway, but honestly, that really looks more like hell’s monthly mandatory torture luncheon than an actual exchange of information. Everyone in attendance looks like their soul is being crushed, their brain is about to dribble out their ear, and they are keenly aware that they are currently in actual hell.

So Crowley and Aziraphale progress through all of human history and they just keep meeting up. And sure, maybe they disagree a little on their fundamental view points, but the interactions are always respectful and pleasant. Before long, they begin to do a series of increasingly large favors for each other.

In the church, Crowley set the rescue into motion, but he relied on Aziraphale to actually keep him from being discorperated. We know demons don’t trust each other, but Crowley has perfect faith that his angel will go against what heaven would expect him to do and save them both. And while we’re here, I’ve seen a few posts implying that Aziraphale might struggle if forced to chose between books and Crowley, but when the literal bombs were literally falling from the sky, we all saw where his priorities were.

I’ve also seen posts that propose the theory that Crowley didn’t realize he loved Aziraphale until he lost him, but I don’t think that can possible be the case. In my mind, Crowley realized what Armageddon would actually cost him well in advance. When he’s gently prodding about no more old book shops or classical music, he’s actually trying to get his angel to think about what else he might never see again. When he’s talking about how horrible eternity in heaven will be, the worst detail is who it will be spent with or in this case, without. Crowley isn’t trying to manipulate or trick Aziraphale into saving the world, he’s trying to get him to realized that the end of the world is the end of their relationship. That might feel like a stretch at first until you consider that as soon as Crowley accepts that saving the world might not be possible, he immediately goes into panic mode and suggests they run away together. Crowley has realized that Armageddon is going to rip them apart and take away the only place they’ve ever been happy. No matter which side wins, they’ll both be facing their own version of hell - spending all of eternity suffering because they can’t spend it together.

This explains why Crowley is so set on convincing Aziraphale that the two of them have to reject their origins and chose each other. When he says Our Side, he isn’t talking about their arrangement, or rebelling, it’s about the fact that all of heaven and hell put together does not deserve either of them. And that’s why he becomes so agitated when he gets shut down. Aziraphale has that moment where his voice catches when he tells him “You can’t leave Crowley” like he felt a pang of that same sense of loss, but he still hasn’t thought through the larger implications because he’s still so sure there must be a way to stop it.

And then Crowley tries again and fails again and responds in anger again. And before he can try a third time, he loses Aziraphale.

I agree with the theory that Crowley has some supernatural method to kept track of Aziraphale. His frequent last minute appearances are too timely to be pure luck. So when he gets discorperated, for the first time in centuries, if not millennia, there’s silence. 

This explains why Crowley gives up. Because Crowley wasn’t fighting to save the world. Crowley was fighting for a safe place where he and his angel to continue to exist together. Without Aziraphale, there’s no point, the thing he feared most has already happened.

Which also means that everything he does once his hope is restored, he does for love. He sacrifices the Bentley for love, because deep down some part of him had to know the car would never be the same after what he was about to put it through. And yeah, he mourns it, but he doesn’t go to a bar and give up on stopping the end of the world because it’s gone.

And he recognizes Aziraphale instantly, even in a different body. Initially I assumed angels and demons could just see and identify soul, but based on how they resolve things in both heaven and hell no other angels or demons posses this ability. And Crowley compliments the outfit! Considering this is probably the first time Aziraphale has worn anything that isn’t a shade of white since the French revolution, it’s just a terrific example of positive feedback and support.

And then somehow, they manage to succeed. Apocalypse averted. And when Gabriel angrily asserts that everyone knows who is responsible, Crowley grins like a silly, love struck idiot. Did he just save the world just so he could stay with his angel? Hell yeah! He’s proud as fuck.

But then he feels something gut wrenching and he realizes that they saved the world, but they won’t survive to enjoy it, and Crowley gives up again. I imagine somewhere deep down he had the horrible, tragic thought that at least this time he wouldn’t be left alone - they would both die, but his suffering would be brief. And then Aziraphale threatens to never speak to him again. And Crowley’s brain does some math: 

Dying together = We are FUCKED! 

Dying together while Aziraphale is refuses to speak to me = No, fuck that noise!

Crowley is inspired and the world is well and saved, for now anyway, He FINALLY gets Aziraphale to agree they truly are on their own side, so they prepare to face the combined wrath of heaven and hell. During the proceedings, they both have a moment and it looks like fear, like they’re gathering themselves for the grisly end they’re about to face - until you know about the switch. When you consider they are both fully aware they aren’t facing any danger, I think that moment is actually both of them processing not only the fact that this could have been how they lost the other, but also that this is the shitty way that the person they love and cherish more than the entire world itself has been treated since the beginning of time. I’ve re-watched it a few times and I like to think I see anger and that sort of hopeless empathy feeling you get when you wish you could undo the pains someone you care about has already felt.

So yeah, I think the ineffable plan was that god decided all those ass-hat angels and demons who only wanted a war deserved to be disappointed in the biggest way possible, all except for these two lovable cream puffs who decided to chose love instead. Also, Crowley could have avoided a lot of wasted time, heartache, and shenanigans if he’d just said “I love you, angel, and the thought of being separated from you is more painful than anything I ever experienced in  hell.” But honestly, I kind of love that everything they do whenever they’re together basically screams how much they love and care for one another without them ever actually saying it. 

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #good omens fan theory #good omens theory #good omens series #good omens headcanons #david tennant #michael sheen #anthony j crowley #good omens thoughts #the ineffable plan #god ships aziraphale and crowley #demon #angel #crowley loves aziraphale

[drink-n-watch]

We got somewhat buried in snow over the last few days. Actually, it’s not that impressive. It’s really a perfectly average amount of snow for February in Quebec and far from the huge snow storm they’ve been promising. In fact, it’s been sort of light on snow this year. In any case, it’s now a bright and sunny day and the gleaming, undisturbed white snow is reflecting everything so the glare coming through the window is crazy. You know that particular quality of sunlight off snow. It’s super sunny and cheerful and you can just tell it’s freezing outside. It’s a good day to stay indoors and watch anime. And this was a great episode for the occasion I might add. Before we get into it, how are you Crow?

Also, just so I don’t make him do it every time. This is a discussion of episode 80 of My Hero Academia. There will be some spoilers so if you haven’t seen it, you might want to do that first. Also, I will be taking plain text this week while Crow is in bold!

  I’m doing well, Irina. Thanks for asking! We just got a little snow here, too, but no sun. So it’s just gray outside. Weird snow, too — didn’t stick to the streets or sidewalks, but buried our cars. Well, my car. My wife’s car is in the garage.

Once more, the episode was essentially split into two halves. First off we needed to finish off that cliffhanger from last week. Bakugou and Todoroki, alongside Inasa and Camie are now faced with a gang of unruly superpowered children they need to rail in. This could have been a dicey situation, as we find out the childrens powers are way beyond that of past generations, but it was solved pretty quickly and thankfully without the need to explode any toddlers.

Our heroes simply created a playground for the kids using their own powers. They threw in a few tricks and a few pieces of advice here and there to calm the kids down. Before they knew it, they had won the class over and everyone was having a good time. It was an easy feel good scene, but it actually packed in a lot of world building and character development. Or rather it confirmed that development.

First we were introduced to the concept that powers are merging and evolving with each generation having more and more powerful quirks at younger ages. This could potentially become a serious problem as we have already seen the havoc that uncontrolled quirks can cause. And it’s a very interesting idea, this notion of a quirk event horizon. A point where so many individuals will have uncontrollably powerful quirks that they could viably wipe out a good portion of the population. Or alternatively that they would themselves not survive long enough to have children thereby creating a population crisis. In the MHA universe, it’s a credible premise that mankind could evolve itself into extinction.

That’s some pretty deep classic sci fi thought experiment. And it’s mighty sneaky of them to throw it into a narrative about the two most popular MHA pretty boys taking care of a bunch of kids. What do you make of it Crow?

It felt the same way to me — classic science fiction “what if.” I’ve often referenced Dune in my reviews, and I think there’s a case to be made that the scenario you just outlined, where the children don’t survive long enough to produce children, is something right out of the complex ecology of Arrakis. It’s almost like an evolutionary population control. Kids get too powerful for the world (or their parents) to contain? The population resets.

Overall, I thought it was an interesting concept, and a sign of a dynamic world. With Quirks becoming more unmanageable, something has to give. I think I would have liked to have seen some indication that the kids’ teacher, Komari Ikoma, was trying to come up with a new way to teach them; some way that indicated she and the teaching establishment she was a part of were trying to evolve new methods.

As for the character development part. The situation was resolved by using their quirks in a creative and cooperative way rather than a show of force. Each of them found the best way to do so according to their own skills. They knew how to capitalize on the opportunity once the kids started to be won over. But the idea started with Bakugou. More precisely, with Bakugou explaining that even if they do simply defeat the kids without hurting them too much, being defeated by someone you have no respect for is just humiliating and frustrating. It won’t win the kids over. They need to create a situation that the kids want to be part of.

First of all, that’s pretty smart, but Bakugou is supposed to be very intelligent. From the very first episode he has always been top of the class. In fact it’s nice to see it in action but it’s nothing new. What is new is that this particular bright idea can only come through empathy. Bakugou had to put himself in those kids’ place and that is not something he could have done in episode 1. Our little Baku is growing up. And it’s telling that he’s the only one that didn’t use his quirk at all. Just his words.

Also that advice he threw in “If you don’t stop looking down on others from high above, you’ll fail to notice your own weakness” (I’m paraphrasing here), hits close to home. It’s obvious that the events of the last two seasons have had an effect on him and it’s sinking in.

I feel a little bummed — I couldn’t find a name from the little ring-leader from Masegaki Primary School! One thing that struck me as I watched this scene is how easily it could have become hollow and saccharin sweet. But because it was the product of Bakugou’s authentic character development, and because he was so convincingly empathetic, I thought it worked and worked well. 

And though I’m really happy they didn’t have to resort to physical violence, I did think it was extremely cool that when the kids unleashed their attacks on our four heroes, they  weren’t even annoyed. No damage; not even enough to make them uncomfortable. I do so like moments like that!

In many ways, Bakugou’s character arc, his hang ups and obstacles are similar to Todoroki’s, which is probably why they clash so much. However, they are represented in opposite ways. Todoroki is the golden child who had so much pressure heaped on him that he’s come to deeply resent everyone’s hopes and expectations. It’s symbolized in his unwillingness to accept his own quirk, which is in many ways a symbol of a lot of the pain he’s suffered in the past. He has willingly hadicapped himself using only a portion of his power and strives only to be different than what is expected of him.

Bakugou comes from a much more modest background and has had forceful but supportive parents. Despite being in many ways perfectly suited to the golden child role, brilliant, often referred to as handsome, strong and healthy, he has defined himself solely by his quirk. So seeing a situation where Todoroki used both his ice and fire willingly — and just for fun at that —  showed the Shoto has come a long way to accepting his quirk, and by extension himself, and putting those difficult memories behind him. On the other hand, Bakugou avoided using his quirk or even taking the spotlight which tells me that this spoiled brat is finally maturing just a bit.

Remember when Todoroki was using his flame to help the kids warm their hands? That’s a great example of what you just pointed out. The Todoroki we met years ago would not have done that! We’d seen hints of that before, so what really blew me away in this episode was Bakugou’s restraint. Very impressive!

All of this development was great to see but there’s still one elephant in the room for me. I cannot forgive Endeavour, and I really dislike the series trying to sanitize him without any proper character building in that sense. Like I said, I thought it was interesting and gutsy to have an openly despicable “hero”. That’s something truly original as even the anti-heros we are used to are usually noble at heart. Endeavour was just a bad selfish and cruel man. But he was strong and wore the right colours. That conflict was fascinating to me. When did he become a tragic misunderstood soul who just wants to make the son he loves so much proud? Where did the guy who beat up that son when he was 5 years old, so badly that the boy threw up? You can’t just go from one to the other like that. Am I the only one bothered by this?

No. Two things bothered me about the scene where Endeavour reached out to Todoroki. First, you’re right — nothing he did in the past has been forgiven, if for no other reason than he has done nothing to atone. He did nothing to heal the damage he’d done. But what bothered me even more was that I found a small part of me hoping that Todoroki would make up with him. To see father and son reunited. 

Why would I want to put Todoroki through that? Sure, he’s conflicted, but wanting him to reestablish a relationship with the exact cause of that conflict is a really, really cruel thing to do! Do even I feel social pressure to conform to an ideal of family? 

I did say “a small part.” The rest of my brain was adamant in rejecting the notion completely. In fact, I suspect now that Endeavour has realized once and for all that he can’t step into All Might’s role — ever! — he’s reevaluating his life. I don’t know that he feels guilty, but he knows the strategy he had employed failed him. And of course it did. It was a terrible strategy. 

I have to give the show points for creating a situation that supported such a conversation, though!

The latter half of the episode started off rather mundanely. A time jump brought us to September and we learn through still scenes that the kids attended Nighteye’s funeral and the the internship program was being reevaluated. Duh! For the time being, everyone is back at UA and things are slowly going back to normal. More or less…

Aoyama has always been a fairly minor supporting character. I mean he’s always been around, but he’s just one more type of comic relief and hasn’t had many opportunities to distinguish himself. So when he starts to apparently stalk Deku, through cheese at that, I was really taken by surprise. I honestly said out loud, what exactly is going on here?

It was well done, constructed as an old school Hitchcockian suspense, with jump cuts and shadowy nighttime scenes and all those allusions of I know…. I really liked this turn. I was baffled as to where it was all going but I really liked it. I hoped we would have gotten a few episodes of this unsettling and yet hilarious atmosphere. The creative use of cheese was a great touch!

It was so unexpected that as the scenes played out, I was trying to come up with explanations. But we know that Aoyama doesn’t have an evil bone in his body, so whatever he was up to couldn’t be hurtful — unless he was actually a Himiko Toga replacement, but that couldn’t be because she’s more direct in her attacks. To be honest, I couldn’t figure out what was really going on.

In the end, it turns out that what he knew was simply that Deku was struggling with his quirk on a physical level and he felt a kinship with him because of that. An unexpectedly sweet reveal if a little cheesy.

I’m sorry…

Should I feel guilty for laughing so hard? I really like puns… I thought Aoyama reaching out to Deku was a sign of how much he had come to trust and respect him. The relationships within the class aren’t static, and I like that.

All and all, this episode was distinctly optimistic in tone, positioning most of the main cast in hopeful situations. It seems like a high before a low or a calm before the storm, but I’m happy to take it. It made me smile.

I’m really looking forward to seeing Kyouka Jirou play her guitar! We haven’t seen much of her since the League of Villains invaded UA. I’m curious if she’ll be her own guitar amp!

My Hero Academia s4 ep80- A Mild Cheese We got somewhat buried in snow over the last few days. Actually, it’s not that impressive. It’s really a perfectly average amount of snow for February in Quebec and far from the huge snow storm they’ve been promising.

#action #adventure #anime #Collab #episodic #My Hero Academia #shonen #super powers

[scully-eats-sushi]

I’m pretty sure that the winter of 2018-2019 will, I think, go down as the biggest period of personal change for me, and for my family, since perhaps I had my first baby way back in 2001.

I spent much of 2017 and 2018 in a pretty severe depression. After my second or third anxiety attack (possibly becoming panic attacks), I was finally ready to overcome the fear of getting help. The anxiety I felt at the idea of calling and getting an appointment for help was overwhelmed by the full-time anxiety I felt in my status quo depressive situation. I got some very good advice, and I finally made a call in the summer of 2018. I went on antidepressants. Two or three weeks later, I felt human again, for the first time in maybe close to two years.

Simultaneously, throughout 2018, I was questioning my sexuality. I had never consciously considered that I might be anything but straight. But all of a sudden, I was having fantasies about women, faceless and nameless, but most definitely women and not men. At some point, gradually over time rather than in a lightning-bolt manner, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t curiosity, that I was genuinely bisexual.

I thought I had hinted to my husband, @mistersushiman, that I was bi. Apparently I didn’t do a good enough job of it, because when I accidentally-sort-of-on-purpose came out to him in the middle of sex one night in the fall, I thought I was just confirming in words something that he already knew. I apparently floored him, and we had a very tense, emotional couple of days. I hoped he would be accepting, and I assumed that that would be the end of it. I would have to live with the situation, loving my husband, feeling very, very lucky in a good relationship, but never experiencing that other side of myself. I was okay with that, in theory. It didn’t make me entirely happy, but I didn’t see another choice. What did I have to complain about? Nothing. I didn’t want to lose my marriage. I love him, very much.

But Mr. Sushi had a friend, R, an older gay man, who told us to test it out. For many decades, he’s known many gay and bisexual individuals and couples. Maybe I was just bi-curious, and we could figure that out and then put it behind us. We went out to burlesque. Mr. Sushi told me later that the moment he saw me watching the dancers there, he knew I wasn’t just curious. A mere week or so later, we went to a strip club. I got over my fears and started talking to strippers. Of all people, who I, as an outwardly religious woman, would never ever have expected to become friends with, some of them did become our friends. That was late December 2018 through January 2019 and into February.

It became a thing for us to do once or twice a week: go to a burlesque show or go to the strip club or to the LGBTQ-friendly bar, have a drink, hang out. We got to know a number of different dancers by name, and we learned their stories. Some of them surprised me. A couple of them have become friends. I had coffee with A, and I will do so again. She is supportive, a good sounding board, and she gives me good advice. There is some sort of attraction there, but we are just friends at this point. Another couple of dancers actually prefer Mr. Sushi to me, but they like me as well. One of them texts me every so often. Last time she sent me a picture of her dogs. They’re cute.

When we go, we sit, have a drink, and chat with one or two of them for a long time. They will often have deep conversations with us about whatever personal things (for them or for us) instead of wandering the club, looking for clients who want to buy lap dances. We have become good enough friends with a few of them that they willingly forego potentially making additional money to talk to us. It’s that kind of a strange relationship. It’s a strange life. Four months ago, I never ever could have imagined where I am now.

Back to the story of how things have dramatically changed, from the theoretical to the actual. When Mr. Sushi realized that it wasn’t just a curiosity or a minor emotional attraction, we considered R’s advice more carefully. R felt that eventually, the pressure would be too much for me, and our marriage would fail, in one way or another. He had presented another option: we have rules, and we find someone. A “third”, who must herself be single, so we don’t affect any other marriages or relationships. The rules we came to adopt mean that we have no intention of having parallel relationships. We do not shame each other. And we treat anyone we’re in a relationship with as equally (to ourselves) as possible.

We met someone. Ostensibly we called ourselves “friends with benefits”. She’s really become a girlfriend, although it’s not (yet) a long-term commitment. We don’t see her all that often. However, both of us chat with her regularly. The relationship is supportive and mutually beneficial. She likes us, and we like her a lot. Suffice it to say, it was a big shift, but after the fact, it sort of just felt normal, in a weird way. Mr. Sushi has nicknamed her “Cuddlebug”.

I want to be clear, though: our solution is not for everyone. I’m not going out and recommending it to people. Bisexual does not equal polyamorous. It does not necessarily lead to our situation, or some sort of non-monogamous relationship. It just means that our situation seems to fit for us. Having said that, I have chatted with a few other people about it, in an almost universally supportive manner. I know and understand that some people do not approve, either for reasons of it feeling morally wrong or because they fear that it feeds a stereotype. I myself would not have approved if I had thought about it just a few months ago. But I will keep telling myself that I’m still valid, as much as any other person, straight, gay, bisexual, or pan.

Anyway, the other thing is, Mr. Sushi and I have been talking off and on about what and when to tell our children. He told our second oldest child, who is 15, first, about my being bisexual. I could have done it, but Mr. Sushi thought it would be better father-to-son. And he was completely accepting of it. In fact, our son seems to have realized, much like his father, that he himself tends to be mostly attracted to bisexual girls. (Have I mentioned that Mr. Sushi has apparently only ever dated bisexual women? Not intentionally, but he has a type. Yeah, it’s true.)

Mr. Sushi’s mother died on Saturday. We had the funeral on Sunday. Over 100 people attended. He is sitting for the traditional week of mourning afterward, with family members, most of whom have left town and gone home early. He’s discovering that he has less and less in common with his siblings. His father is not doing well, but Mr. Sushi doesn’t have any real way to help him, with all the long-held anger and resentment (from his father, not from Mr. Sushi). It’s a long story. It’s amazing how family members see the family history with such very different memories. I will take Mr. Sushi over his siblings any day of the week. He is a much more kind-hearted, empathetic person than any of them.

And then just last night, Mr. Sushi told our oldest son, who is 17 and more moderately (versus mildly) affected on the autism spectrum than most of his siblings, that I am bi. In turn, our son surprised my husband (and later me, when I heard), by telling him that he thought he was gay or bisexual. What a surprise! And yet, I feel emotionally more capable of dealing with this now, much more so than a couple of years ago, when I might have been much more concerned about how this would be so hard on him, given that he already had to deal with having no friends and anxiety and autism spectrum issues. Not only that, but Mr. Sushi hinted that we had a “friend”, and our son only wanted to know that I wasn’t cheating on him with her. Once he found out that I wasn’t, he was, shockingly, accepting of the fact that we are poly. As was, apparently, our 15-year-old, who also learned of it last night. I guess there is something to be said for being non-neurotypical, where the “standard society norms” just don’t seem to apply.

We haven’t yet told the youngest three kids yet. That will come as it comes, I suppose. But I will probably tell them I’m bi, at least, pretty soon. The added complication is that our youngest two, our daughters, are in a religious school. It’s not going to be shared in the overall community, even though we have been moving away from it gradually and then rather quickly. But they have been very accepting of the girl and boy twins in the scout troop who have two mommies, and of the drag queens that they saw on “Skin Wars”. It’s nothing to hate over. It just is.

So. Major changes. This is now my life. It is a strange, surreal life, but somehow still normal, and much happier than six or twelve months ago. We have to keep talking, always talking, to avoid misunderstandings and pitfalls as much as possible. As much as it seems strange, our marriage is now more open and honest than it’s ever been.

#personal #update #this vulnerability is painful #please be kind #I'm willing to chat if respectful thanks

[faithpeacehopejoy]

I trust you to save me, Lord God, and I won't be afraid. My power and my strength come from you, and you have saved me.”

Isaiah 12:2 (CEV)

They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share

— 1 Timothy 6:18

Love Does Something

Adapted from the resource Love Out Loud Devotional - by Joyce Meyer

Our ministry has taken various people on mission trips to minister to desperately needy people, but they don't all respond the same way. Everyone feels compassion, but some individuals become quite determined to find ways to make a difference.

Indifference makes an excuse, but love finds a way. Everyone can do something!

I remember a woman who decided she had to help in some way. For a while she couldn't figure out what to do because she had no extra money to contribute and she couldn't go live on the mission field.

But as she continued to pray about the situation, God encouraged her to look at what she had, not at what she did not have. She realized she was very good at baking cakes, pies and cookies.

So, she asked her pastor if she could bake during the week, and offer her baked goods for sale on Sundays after church as long as the money went to missions. This became a way for her and other church members to be involved in missions, and it kept her active doing something to help someone else.

Another woman is a massage therapist, and she organized a special spa day and donated all the proceeds to help poor people. She raised one-thousand dollars for missions and also testified that the day of giving was life changing for her, those who worked with her, and those who attended.

We all need to be loved, but I believe our personal joy is strongly connected to loving others. Something beautiful happens in our hearts when we give.

Prayer Starter: Lord, help me to not only feel compassion, but to find creative ways to express my love for others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Isaiah 53:4-5

4 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. 5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Learn to Be Content

By Rick Warren

“Isn’t everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what’s the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need” (1 Corinthians 4:7-8 The Message).

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have and what didn’t happen, you can choose to be grateful for what you do have and what has happened. This doesn’t come naturally, not even for the apostle Paul, who said, “I have learned to be content.” Being content is a learning process.

It’s hard to admit we struggle with envy because it’s such an ugly emotion. When you’re envious of others, you really want them to fail, because it makes you feel better that they don’t have more than you. That’s pretty crazy, isn’t it? If we can learn to be grateful for what we have, we can begin to get rid of these feelings of envy.

It’s important to understand that envy is not about having a desire or a dream or a goal. It’s good to have those. Envy is not about looking forward to something or hoping that something can happen in your life or even wondering if you should have some thing. Instead, envy is resenting somebody who has already obtained what you desire or who has reached a goal you have yet to attain. Envy says you can’t be happy until you get that desire or reach that goal. Envy is not being grateful for what you already have.

The Bible tells us that we already have more than we need and far more than we deserve. Every good thing in our lives is a gift from God, and it is up to him to decide when and how he blesses us. It’s up to us to choose to be grateful and make the most of what we’ve been given.

PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >>

Talk About It

What factors or situations seem to trigger the “envy issue” in your life?

How has envy negatively affected relationships in your life?

What is one practical way you can practice gratitude today?

#Jesus #dailyhope #joycemeyerministries

[zak-bagans-gac-imagines]

Return To Hogwarts - Chapter One

Lizzie had been doing paranormal investigations with the Ghost Adventures crew for sixth months. Recently she decided to leave the Men of Letters Bunker, and her two friends, Sam and Dean, and travel with Zak Bagans and the crew instead. 

Lizzie was also in a committed yet private relationship with Zak. The only ones who knew they were together were Aaron, Billy, and Jay, their fellow investigators, and Lizzie had recently moved in with Zak. 

One day, Lizzie was sitting on the couch, reading a book, Zak’s border collie Gracie was lying next to her, as Lizzie held her book in one hand and was scratching Gracie’s ear with the other. A moment later Zak came in, carrying an armful of mail. 

“Hey, babe,” said Lizzie, as Zak walked over and kissed her. “Hey, sweetie,” he said, rifling through the mail.

A moment later, Zak handed Lizzie an envelope addressed in green ink, and sealed with purple wax. “Um, here’s something for you, it looks like it’s from Hogwarts,” 

Lizzie’s face darkened. Ever since she was raped at the tender age of sixteen, the school had done nothing to help her, and spend an ungodly amount of time protecting her attacker rather than her. 

Zak knew that his girlfriend had been assaulted, but he only knew a very minute amount of information, short of re-traumatizing his new girlfriend.

“Burn it,” said Lizzie bitterly. “It’s marked ‘urgent’” said Zak. 

Lizzie sighed as she stopped scratching Gracie’s ear and took the envelope. Gracie whined as she lifted her head as Lizzie tore the envelope and unfolded the parchment. 

Dear Miss Blaszczak

I wasn’t certain who to inform, but after hearing that you were traveling with the Ghost Adventures Crew and remembering your history with them, I knew I had to send you this. 

As I am sure you are aware, during the Battle of Hogwarts that eventually led to the fall of Lord Voldemort, there were tragically a large number of casualties. Not long after the renovation of the castle was completed, many students in all four Houses, and ages have reported paranormal activity around the castle. Everything from phantom footsteps to voices, to apparitions, people getting touched - you name it. 

In addition to the renovation itself, we have made changes to accommodate Muggle technology. You will be able to use your cameras and digital devices without any issues. We have also recently added Wifi. 

We also have created our own social network for students. I will give you the IP address should you need it for your investigation

Many students are terrified while others are intrigued. It would be very appreciated if you and the Crew could return to Hogwarts for a second investigation, and perhaps do a guest lecture. 

Please return this letter at your earliest convenience 

Yours Sincerely, 

Professor Minerva McGonagall

Headmistress

Lizzie stared at the letter for a very long moment. “Everything okay?” Asked Zak. Lizzie handed Zak the letter. “Oh,” he said, reading it. “She - wants me to return to Hogwarts,” said Lizzie. “And you don’t want to?” Asked Zak

“I don’t know,” said Lizzie. “This is about what Cormac did isn’t it?” Asked Zak. Lizzie said nothing, but nodded. 

Zak reached over and gently held Lizzie’s hand in his own and kissed it tenderly. “I know you’ve been through a lot, and I understand your resentment towards the school, but wouldn’t it be possible for you to put your emotions aside?” Lizzie said nothing. 

The prospect of putting the trauma of being raped by a fellow student, and the school failing to protect her, behind her, was a very daunting and emotionally difficult thing for Zak to ask of her. 

“Think of it like this,” said Zak. “Maybe Professor McGonagall is feeling guilty over not protecting you, and by asking you to come back, she’s asking for you to forgive her?” “I - I’d never thought of it like that,” said Lizzie. “Mm-hmm,” said Zak. 

There was a very long moment of silence between the two paranormal investigators, only the sound of Gracie whining every now and then could be heard. After what seemed like forever, Lizzie finally sighed heavily, stood up from the couch and began to walk out of the room

“Where are you going?” Asked Zak. “To go pack my trunk,” said Lizzie. “Better call Aaron, Billy and Jay, tell them what’s up.” Zak nodded as Lizzie left the room.

Lizzie ascended the stairs of the house that she had moved into less than a year previously. Despite knowing Zak ever since she was sixteen - still a student at Hogwarts - they had maintained nothing more than a strong friendship for close to eleven years. 

When Lizzie first met Zak she was in her sixth year at Hogwarts, thinking about how she was going to pass her N.E.W.Ts (or Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests), and looking forward to graduation. She had plans to attend college after leaving Hogwarts. By this point in her magical education, Lizzie had become quite the popular and promising student. She had a part time job at the popular pub the Three Broomsticks in the village of Hogsmeade, a large circle of friends, got near perfect grades, and her passion for riding horses had reignited after a tragic accident in her fourth year resulted in the death of her beloved horse, Raven, and she was appointed Captain of the Gryffindor equestrian team. 

It all came to a screeching halt after she rejected the advances of a fellow Gryffindor Cormac McLaggen who had been runner up for Keeper during the Gryffindor Quidditch tryouts. Unable to handle this scalding rejection from Lizzie, Cormac set out on a brutal campaign to destroy Lizzie’s reputation, which culminated in one of the most emotionally traumatic events of Lizzie’s life. 

Cormac and five of his friends had gang raped, and tortured Lizzie for over eight hours in the Gryffindor common room, branding her with cigarettes, forcing alcohol down her throat (though Lizzie almost never drank), and made her believe that she was going to die. 

Lizzie was lucky to escape with her life, and though she had not passed her Apparition test, she packed her trunk, and Apparated out of the castle, out of Hogwarts, and out of England. 

She ended up in Las Vegas, Nevada where she wandered the busy city strip for an hour before she finally ended up at Zak’s place. 

It took a lot of coaxing, but after a gentle talking to, and a cup of good old English tea in her hands, Lizzie finally began to recall the horrifying details of her ordeal that she was lucky to survive from. 

Zak then took Lizzie to the hospital where she was photographed and examined by doctors and nurses

As Lizzie began to pack her things in her old school trunk which had the initials E.S.B stamped on it in peeling letters, it was as if every item inside the dusty trunk, held some kind of memory: the scarlet with a gold jumping horse Capitan’s badge she used to wear when she was on the Gryffindor equestrian team, that after so many years, had become tarnished, and battered with age, the fake Horcrux locket that had taken place of the real one, An old photo album full of moving photographs of her and Raven, A torn letter from Oxford University offering Lizzie a full ride scholarship upon her graduation from Hogwarts, which was later revoked after stress from Cormac’s relentless harassment caused her grades to founder. 

Her old school robes which were now three sizes too small, and had become frayed, Her team show coat, with the embroidered Gryffindor lion on the right side, faded and beginning to peel from the fabric, several gold buttons on the front and back of the coat were missing; a rolled up, tattered poster of the Ghost Adventures Crew that Zak had personally signed, A dusty copy of  Training the Three-Day Horse and Rider, given to her by Professor Lupin during the early days of her equestrian career, and many other knick-knacks that had personal or sentimental value. 

It seemed silly for Lizzie to keep everything, and she certainly wasn’t the hoarding type of person, but everything in her trunk had ties to when she was happy at Hogwarts, long before she met Cormac. She may not have actually been killed that night, but as she put it, “My life ended the day I met Cormac. He didn’t kill me, but he might as well have,” 

As Lizzie continued to sort through her belongings, she came across a folded piece of paper. Upon reading its contents, Lizzie remembered it was an obituary that she had cut from the Daily Prophet, for her old Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, who sadly passed away just after Lizzie dropped out of Hogwarts. 

Lizzie had mixed feelings about Dumbledore. She thought he was a great person, but she did feel resentful, because when she went to him begging for protection against Cormac, Dumbledore turned her away, and never once took what she said seriously. 

Now, as Lizzie re-read the obituary in her hands, she felt a large lump in her throat and her chest constrict. This whole time, she thought he had known Dumbledore relatively well, not a well as her best friend, Harry Potter did, certainly, but well enough. Now she had to come to the rather excruciating realization that she didn’t know the man at all. And this  broke her heart. 

Lizzie gazed over at her bedside table to her iPhone which was charging on the table. It had been many years since she and Harry had spoken. In fact, the last time they saw each other, was during the Battle at Hogwarts which led to the downfall of Lord Voldemort. They had promised each other that they would stay in touch, and they had, exchanging a handful of letters back and forward, but they hadn’t talked face to face for nearly ten years. 

Harry had to be in his late twenties now, like Lizzie, and must have a family of his own, surely. She had received an invitation to his and Ginny Weasley’s wedding, and to their delight, Lizzie attended. It was a beautiful ceremony. She had also attended Hermione and Ron’s wedding as well. 

Although happy for her friends, Lizzie couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of jealousy that she hadn’t taken the plunge herself. She had only been dating Zak for a few months, and he had given her a fair warning that the women in his life never stuck around due to the fact that Zak had more than one spirit attachment. 

Though fifteen years his senior, Lizzie and Zak were closer than ever before. When they had first met, Lizzie had been nothing more than a fan of Zak’s. It seemed too good to be true that he would eventually want her to be his girlfriend.

Lizzie thought about this as she stared at her phone. She had Harry’s phone number, which they had exchanged after the Battle. She had Ron, and Hermione’s too. One phone call couldn’t hurt, Lizzie thought as she sat down on her bed, opened her phone with a special six-digit password, opened her contacts, and found Harry’s number. She touched it and held the phone to her ear.

The phone rang twice before a male voice answered. “Hello?” “Hi, Harry, it’s Lizzie,” said Lizzie. “Lizzie! Blimey! It’s been a while!” Said Harry. “Yeah, tell me about it, sorry it’s been so long, I’ve been - er - busy,” “Let me guess,” said Harry. “Investigating the paranormal? Locking yourself in haunted locations overnight?” 

Lizzie smiled. “Yeah,” she said. “Professor McGonagall just sent me a letter. She wants me to investigate Hogwarts with Zak and the guys.” Harry sighed with amusement though Lizzie wasn’t fooled. Harry had been a skeptic when it came to ghosts and the paranormal for as long as they had been friends. 

When Lizzie confided in Harry that she could see and talk to spirits, he said she was mad. Though Lizzie was not the type of person to make up stories for the sole purpose of getting attention, there was no persuading her friend. Hermione gave a similar reaction, and Ron however was immensely intrigued. 

“Harry, I don’t know, I told Zak I’d go, but…” “You’re having second thoughts?” Asked Harry. Lizzie sighed. “Yeah,” she said. “I don’t know, there’s just something weird about going. The last time I was there - sorry - the last time we were there….” Her voice died in her throat, but Harry seemed to get it.

“But it’s not just that is it?” Asked Harry. This was really a testament as to how much of a bond Harry had with Lizzie. When they were at Hogwarts together, Harry had this uncanny ability to tell when Lizzie was holding back her feelings or when she was lying about something. Perhaps it was in her facial expressions that gave her away, and if it was, Lizzie never noticed, but somehow Harry still could tell when she wasn’t being entirely truthful.

“It’s about what Cormac did to you isn’t it?” Asked Harry. Lizzie was quiet on the other line. “You know you could always ask for an apology,” “Sorry doesn’t pay the bills, Harry,” said Lizzie, her voice bitter and full of icy resentment. “And it sure as hell doesn’t undo what that bastard and his friends did to me. D-do you know that I can’t have children because of what he did?’

“I didn’t know that. I’m so sorry, Lizzie,” said Harry, his tone was quiet, gentle and full of sympathy. “But I get it, you’re still angry that no one helped you.” “And it’s not like I never asked!” Said Lizzie. “I went to Dumbledore so many times! I begged for him to help me!” “I know you did, Liz,” said Harry gently. 

“But on a side note, I got a new horse,” said Lizzie, changing the subject abruptly. “Did you?” Asked Harry. “What’s his name?” “Her name,” said Lizzie. “Is Midnight,” “A mare?” Asked Harry laughing. “You got a mare?” “Why so surprised?” Asked Lizzie, smiling. “I don’t know,’’ said Harry. “It’s just - when we were at Hogwarts you always seemed to gravitate towards the male school horses. Is she - hard to handle? I mean does she give you attitude sometimes?” “Yeah, she really decided to play up just the other day,” said Lizzie. “But?” asked Harry. “Ehh, I was able to get her under control,” said Lizzie. 

“I think at the end of the day, she has a hard time coping with her own trauma.” “Was Midnight abused?” Asked Harry, sounding worried. “Oh, my gosh! Yes! Horribly!” Said Lizzie. “Her mouth was all torn up when I first met her because her previous owner used to wrap barbed wire around the bit, and force it into her mouth. He called it ‘training”’ said Lizzie bitterly. 

Harry sighed. “Well, now she has you,” he said. “Yep, and she’s doing so much better,” said Lizzie. “Good,” said Harry. Lizzie heard a knock on the door as she looked up and saw Zak standing in the doorway. “Um, I gotta go, I’ll call you later, before we get on the train,” 

“Okay,” said Harry. “And Lizzie?” “Yeah?” Asked Lizzie. “I love you, you know that right?” Lizzie smiled. “I love you too,” she said as she hung up the phone. 

“Harry?” Asked Zak. “Mm-hmm,’’ said Lizzie. Zak walked into the room, and sat on the bed next to Lizzie and kissed her on the cheek. “Nearly done packing?” Asked Zak. “Halfway,” said Lizzie. 

Zak reached into Lizzie’s still open trunk, took out a bundle wrapped in a silk scarf, and unwrapped it. 

Into his hand fell a single steel horseshoe. But there was also something wrapped in plastic inside the silk scarf as well. Zak felt inside the silky bundle and pulled out a tiny plastic bag, which inside contained a single lock of jet black hair. Zak could tell immediately that the hair inside the bag was horse hair. And he didn’t have to ask Lizzie who the shoe or the hair belonged to. 

“Hagrid gave that to me after Raven died,” said Lizzie. “He knew how much Raven meant to me,” Zak smiled. 

“I called, Aaron, Billy and Jay, and they agreed to come to Hogwarts. Dakota’s agreed to come too,  but I can’t think for the life of me how we plan on getting there,” said Zak. “What do you mean?” Asked Lizzie. “I don’t - fly anymore,” said Zak. “Oh, no worries!” Said Lizzie. “We’ll Apparate to Kings Cross in London, then, we can take the Hogwarts Express from there!” Said Lizzie. 

“Okay, I guess,” said Zak. 

They continued to clean out Lizzie’s trunk sorting out the rubbish, the sentimental trinkets, and the robes that they could donate to secondhand shops in Diagon Alley. After she finished cleaning out her trunk, she began to pack it full of things she planned on taking with her. 

She included two pairs of riding breeches, her tall riding boots and gloves and her Charles Owen riding helmet. Then she packed her casual clothes, her wand, and the equipment she would be using during their investigation. She even took some of her old spell books (the ones that were still in good condition), and even texted Hermione asking her how to make Essence of Dittany, and other potions that could come in handy whilst on their trip. She also took her 357 handgun just in case.

Just as they were finishing up, Zak heard a tap, tap, tap! noise on the window and was surprised to see a large barn owl clutching a yellow envelope in its talons. 

Lizzie scrambled to her feet, and opened the window, removed the screen, and the owl hopped onto the sill, as Lizzie carefully took the package from the owl, as it ruffled its feathers, turned and took flight. Even after all these years, Lizzie still continued to receive mail by ‘owl post’.

A quick look at the return address told her it was from Harry. Lizzie tore the envelope and inside was a piece of parchment folded intricately in different directions, yet it appeared to be blank. There was a note there too. 

Lizzie, 

I duplicated the Marauder’s Map, and sent you a copy.  I thought you may find it useful during your investigation. You remember how to use it, but you may need to teach Zak. Just remember to tell him how to wipe it clean so no one can read it. 

Much love and luck 

Harry. 

Lizzie smiled with excitement. “Is that from Harry?” Asked Zak. “Yeah, he sent me a copy of the Marauder’s Map,” said Lizzie. “What’s that?” Asked Zak. “A magical map of Hogwarts,” said Lizzie. “It belongs to Harry, but he duplicated it for me so we could use it during our investigation.” 

“How does it work?” Asked Zak. “Looks like a blank piece of paper.” 

Lizzie smiled as she picked up her wand from her bedside table, and tapped the parchment with it. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” said Lizzie clearly. Ink lines snaked across the parchment, forming words, and lines. After a moment the surface of the parchment that had been blank only moments ago, now bore the words: 

Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, are proud to present

The Marauder’s Map. 

Zak’s blue eyes widened in awe, as Lizzie unfolded the parchment, showing the inside of the map. It looked a lot like interior plans for a house. And there were moving footprints  in countless areas of the map, each marked with a name, and moving in various directions. 

“Holy shit!” Zak gasped. Lizzie smiled. “Mm-hmm,” she said. “And…This is Hogwarts?” Asked Zak. “Yep!” Said Lizzie, feeling a strong sense of pride and satisfaction at her boyfriend’s awed look. “Every square inch of it!” “That’s awesome!” Said Zak. “Right?” Asked Lizzie, giggling. “I reckon we can map our our x cameras on here,” “Lizzie,” said Zak, holding Lizzie’s face in his hands, and kissing her. “You’re a genius,” 

Lizzie smiled. “I do have to make a few stops before we go to Kings Cross to catch the train,” “Where to?” Asked Zak. “I want to stop in Diagon Alley, to a secondhand robes shop, and donate my old school robes, and Gringotts, to get some money out of my account,’’ said Lizzie. 

“Ah,” said Zak. Lizzie tapped the Marauder’s Map with her wand again. “Mischief Managed,” she said, tapping the map, and it was instantly erased, looking blank once more. 

#my fanfiction #Ghost Adventures #crossover fanfiction #Harry Potter crossover

[mydarlingklaus]

Unexpected Bliss

A cute quick thing I wrote for the upcoming 5x11 episode of TO. There’s no direct KC, yet, but still KC and a teenage Hope is in it so don’t complain (: 

Happy reading!

Klaus turned and was immediately star struck as his older sister walked towards him in her wedding dress with flowers in hand. With not much prep time after Freya’s surprise proposal to Keelin Rebekah managed to find, well compel, the couple the perfect outdoor venue not too far from the plantation the family resided in New Orleans. The youngest Mikaelson sister planned practically everything, from colors to seating arraignments, though of course the happy couple had the last word. It was a simple and intimate gathering with the Mikaelson family and some members of Keelin’s wolf pack in attendance. The hybrid genuinely grinned looking at his sister in her white bohemian styled dress, appearing more beautiful than ever with a shy smile on her face. 

“You can stop looking like a proud dad any time now.” Freya teased now standing in front of him. “How about a proud brother instead?” Klaus smirked. “You look beautiful Freya.” Kissing her cheek. “Thank you. You look very handsome.” She complimented his simple all black tux. “I’m still in disbelief that this is happening. I’m really getting married.” Her cheeks reddened and she could feel the tears building in her eyes for the thousandth time that day, determined to ruin her makeup. Rebekah would never forgive her. Klaus’s lip curved into a gentle smile at her overwhelmed state full of bliss and happiness, finally. “You deserve it.” He genuinely declared. She smiled wide, blinking away her tears. “Thank you and also for agreeing to walk me down the aisle. I love Kol and Elijah but this just felt right. Somehow me and you ended up being the closest, who would’ve predicted that?” He softly laughed. “It was nothing, I assure you. I was honored when you asked.” Freya exhaled into a smile. “You’ve sacrificed a lot for this family, for me. A debt that I will never be able to repay.” “Klaus...” He put his hand up. “I’m serious. Everything you’ve done for Hope: being by her side when I couldn’t, practically helping Hayley raise her and being the support system she needed through this tragic transition in her life...” Their family was still coping with the loss of Hayley 2 months ago. Klaus hadn’t stopped feeling guilty or helpless trying to be there for his daughter and Elijah. It took awhile for them all to realize they needed to move forward, no matter how difficult it became and they managed to do so, together. He sighed before continuing. “This has been difficult for all of us, and I don’t know if we would’ve had the strength to suppress it all without you.” She sniffled tightening her hold on the flowers. “Keelin’s good, you two are good together. You deserve to be happy, one of us needs to be.” Klaus half joked. Freya sympathetically smiled at her younger brother who appeared more somber than he probably wanted to express. She pressed her lips together and sniffed her tears back. “That means a great deal coming from you. We’ve been through a lot, you and I. Our relationship did not start off great.” “Understatement.” Klaus corrected with a teasing smirk making them both softly laugh. Now they could laugh at the bad memories from their first encounters. Neither accepting nor trusting one another as family and even wanting each other dead; typical Mikaelson fashion. Yet here they are now, standing together with happy tears and smiles as Klaus prepared to walk her down the aisle for her wedding. It was surreal. “Yeah well we overcame it, we Mikaelsons always do.” Freya claimed, holding more meaning behind it than let on. Klaus simply nodded. “Our family has been through a lot, especially recently. If anything all the tragedy our family has endured only made me realize more than ever how short life truly is, even as an immortal you can agree with me on that.” He silently agreed. “It’s too short to feel like you’re in it alone or holding back from what you really want, and you’re not alone Klaus no matter how much you wish you were.” She sassed. He smirked. “What makes you think I don’t have everything I want? My entire family is finally back together, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for centuries.” “True, but I know you.” She answered. Klaus flinched when Freya grabbed his hand in hers. Affection still a foreign concept for him. She continued. “While family is very important you also need more, you should want more. I know you don’t believe it but you deserve happiness too Klaus.” His jaw tightened. “Our family is an extremely loyal one and I love that but, the short time I’ve been apart of it I’ve seen how easy it is for us to be selfish with each other. Wanting more for ourselves outside of family isn’t going to break us.” Freya began. Klaus furrowed his eyebrows. “We’ve created this notion that if we’re not shackled to each other for life we’ll fall apart not, realizing the negative effects it actually has on our family. We stop each other from being happy and then resent each other after.” “Freya-“ “I will always believe in ‘always and forever’ but family is supposed to be unconditional love, not forced. We can live separate lives and still be as close as ever, we might even be closer being apart.” She happily suggested. “It’s a cycle that’s been around for a thousand years and needs to finally come to an end. I almost lost Keelin for good over it and I don’t want that to happen to any of us again.” Freya claimed. Klaus’s jaw clenched and unclenched. He knew everything she was saying was true, if Rebekah and Elijah lecturing him for over the centuries wasn’t proof enough. “Why are you telling me all this now?” He asked. She laugh-cried. “Because I’m getting married and preparing to start a new life outside of my siblings for the first time in over a decade. I’m happy, really happy. I just want you to know that you need to start looking out for yourself too.” “I don’t need any help in that department, love.” Klaus smugly claimed. Freya rolled her eyes. “Uh huh, well you’ve come a long way since when we first met and even more before that. I’m not the only one who’s noticed, everyone has, especially a certain Mystic Falls headmistress...” She said with a teasing grin. His smirk dropped and a  blush of red instantly rushed to his face at the mention of the baby vampire in Mystic Falls, who he hasn’t seen or spoken to since she was last in New Orleans. The last time Klaus and Caroline were together was 2 months ago when they went on a brief, yet effective, road trip to track down a runaway Hope. Just the few hours being together Klaus was reminded of how much he genuinely missed her. Unfortunately, with everything happening lately with his family, there never seemed like a right time for Klaus to reach out to her. He didn’t even know what to say after receiving her more than generous letter following Hayley’s death. Not that she’s been far from his mind, but he definitely didn’t want to talk about it with one of his sisters. “Freya.” He warned. “Hey, you can’t get mad at the bride on her wedding day.” She smiled with a raised brow. Klaus glared which only amused Freya more. “I met your mysterious ‘friend’ when I visited Hope at school and was well informed your colorful history together.” She said suggestively. His blush grew and he dropped his hand from her hold. “I’m not discussing this with you.” Klaus claimed crossing his arms over his chest. Freya couldn’t help but laugh at Klaus’s embarrassment, like a teenage boy with a crush. “You can be in denial all you want. I just wanted to say she’s nice, pretty and definitely seems like she can handle you.” He subtly grinned knowing she definitely could. “Not to mention your daughter adores her like crazy and Hayley trusted her as well.” - So do I. Klaus wanted to add. Freya stepped closer to Klaus and smiled. “Look I might not know the extent of your story with Caroline and I might not know her as well as everyone else, but she seems like a good person and good for you. You guys have been in each others lives for a long time and she obviously cares about you...you care about her too.” - I more than care about her. His thoughts never ending. It still boggled his mind that Caroline Forbes, the baby vampire who unintentionally stole his undead heart over a decade ago and swore wanted nothing to do with him, cared about him as much as he did her. Klaus frustratingly sighed. “Fine yes I care about her, deeply. What’s your point?” The witch scoffed. “My point is that I want you to be happy and I think Caroline makes you happy, if that blush on your face isn’t proof enough.” He tried, and failed, to hide his small smile. There has been an obvious change in their dynamic since being in Mystic Falls together all those years ago. Caroline was more comfortable and unashamed of her feelings for him now, which was refreshing as much as scary. They hadn’t discussed much where their relationship would go now since re-entering each other’s lives, and frankly Klaus wasn’t sure he wanted to know. If anything, all these years constantly entering and exiting each others lives only proved to him how much they weren’t meant to be. Talking about it only made him dread. He nervously licked his lips, staring down at his feet. “If only it was that simple.” “Why can’t it be?” Freya shrugged. Klaus quickly stared up at his older sister. “You care about her, she cares about you and you both keep coming back in each other’s lives for a reason. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to see where it could go? Stop making excuses and just go for it!” She persisted. He use to fantasize the possibilities of what could happen if Caroline finally gave him a chance. Yes, he promised to wait for her forever but the fact it might happen sooner than he thought was terrifying. No, no it could never happen. Not even now. The hybrid gulped. “I cant go back to Mystic Falls. I made her a promise-“ “Forget the promise! You’re acting worse than a child!” She joked. The corner of his lips twitched up. “Love, this is your wedding day. Shouldn’t you be focused on your love life instead of mine?” Her teeth scraped over her bottom lip. “Yes, it is my wedding day yet here I am focusing on you instead of the insane butterflies in my stomach ready to burst thinking about walking down that aisle towards the woman I love in a few minutes. I’m doing this because I care about you and love you.” Klaus stiffened but soon relaxed when Freya leaned in to give him a much needed reassuring hug. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her tight making the witch smile. “Please be happy.” She whispered in his ear before kissing him lightly on his scruffy cheek and pulling away. “Don’t pretend that you aren’t dying to see her either.” Klaus simply rolled his eyes. - If only you knew. Anything Klaus was preparing to say was halted by his 15 year old daughter storming through the doors. The witch and hybrid both stared at the young girl confusingly as she stumbled in closing the doors behind her and approaching the two. “Hey! Sorry for the abrupt entrance but- oh my god, you look so beautiful Auntie Freya.” Hope happily complimented. “Thanks Hope.” Klaus stepped towards his daughter. “Sweetheart what are you doing back here? You’re supposed to keep the guests occupied till we come out.” “I know, I know. Uncle Elijah wanted me to inform you that we’re a little delayed because we only had enough chairs for 20 people and a special guest decided to show up last minute so Marcel had to go find another chair for her-“ “Special guest?” Freya asked. “Her?” Klaus asked at the same time. The younger witch pressed her lips together nervously, trying to avoid her father’s gaze and quickly looked over at her gorgeous auntie. “Did I mention how amazing you look Auntie Freya!” The girl nervously praised. Klaus took another step forward, towering over his daughter when he took in her sudden anxious behavior. “Hope...” She cautiously looked up at him. “Mhmm?” “Might I ask, who this special guest is?” Klaus asked. Hope shrugged. “Just a last minute rsvp.” She confirmed with a nervous smile. “Hope.” He challenged. She gulped, looking between the siblings with fidgety fingers. It’s not that she tried keeping this a secret, well at least till Klaus saw for himself anyway. Sighing in defeat, the young Mikaelson looked up at Klaus. “Fine, I invited her as my plus one but Auntie Freya said I could invite anyone I wanted-“ “Who, Hope?” He pressured. Sighing again, she grabbed his hand and walked him over to the back door. “Maybe you should see for yourself.” She warned Klaus’s eyes lowered as Hope opened the door enough to where it wouldn’t alarm the guests but Klaus would still be able to look through. He poked his head in to see all the guests in their respectable seats. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he spotted, her. The hybrid’s heart sank into his throat, stomach in knots and hands felt clammy when he immediately saw who was sitting in the front second row. Her recognizable bouncy blonde curls swung side to side as she looked around, flashing that signature pageant smile at the random guests introducing themselves to her and those wandering blue eyes he always drowned in. - I’m hallucinating. There’s no way she’s here. Klaus thought to himself. Blinking a few times to confirm this was real, that she was really here. The longer he stared the more real it became and anxious he felt.   His breath caught in his throat as he slowly turned his head to glare at his sneaky daughter. “Surprise?” Hope whispered with a nervous smile.

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#klaroline fanfiction #klaroline #original groupies #klaroline shippers club #klaroline fandom #my writing #the originals #hope you liked it! #yes I plan on writing a part 2