#whats the definition of insanity again

[just-null-cult]

i have come here to personally thank you for giving me more than i asked for 🙏🏻 i am utterly grateful like IDJFKDKKFODOD 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ it made me so happy the last doodle has my heart he is so cute i will eat him

also there is a DROUGHT out there for us noritoshi fans like im living on CRUMBS its insane and omg dont even talk to me abt how it feels like to be a kashimo and ino lover (altho they are getting a bit more love now) my nori is still underrated :/ sooo hence im asking ur hand in friendship and in exchange i promise to share my hcs with you abt nori my sweet lil meow meow we're in this together 💪🏻💪🏻

also since its October, do you think he likes horror movies? i feel like he can withstand gory movies but its the jumpscares that get him and he wont tell u he's scared when u watch one with jumpscares owkfkdkd imagine him hiding his face against ur shoulder or something 😭😭😭 (i used to do that with my dad when we watched horror movies and i used to be like im not scared😤😤 when he asked if i was lmfao thats where this hc stemmed from)

N. NORITOSHI HIDING IN YOUR SHOULDER OR SUPPRESSING HIS REACTIONS TO THE JUMPSCARES....... WAS IT AN INVOLUNTARY REACTION TO USE YOU TO HIDE??????? WAS IT BUILT UP TRUST????? DID HE GROW USED TO HOLDING ONTO YOU WHEN HE GETS SURPRISED BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE HAS HIS VALUABLES SAFE????????? WAS IT A MOMENT WHERE HIS MIND JUST INSTINCTIVELY GRABBED THE FIRST THING HE WANTED TO PROTECT/BE PROTECTED BY???????? OH MY FUCK.

he's probably used to gore and gritty stuff like that since he sees it often being a jujutsu sorcerer and all. not to mention his technique is literally blood. maybe he's desensitized to gore films, the most you'll get from him is a disgusted scowl.

BUT DID YOU SEE HOW QUICK HIS EYE OPENED WHEN HANAMI SHOWED UP BEHIND HIM. YOURE SO FUCKING FR ABT JUMPSCARES. Noritoshi is that guy who wouldn't scream or yelp but gasp really loudly and jump out of his skin.

i feel like they get him most in horror because of the music building up anticipation. if its one of those fake outs where the jumpscare comes a bit after, he's fucked UP. It makes him instantly miffed, as he tries to regain his composure. He swears he's not usually like this, it got him by surprise is all..!

Noritoshi is the type that'd only watch a horror movie if the story is rich and complex. He's the type of guy to like open endings that make you think.. if it's a guilty pleasure movie where all the protags make stupid decisions, he gets annoyed right off the bat.

He's groaning and complaining about how imbecile the characters are, but would still watch it with you because you personally invited him. If he's lucky you could fall asleep on his shoulder or [insert movie cliche here] how could he pass that up? But Noritoshi wouldn't be able to focus on you if he gets twice as annoyed because its a bad movie + jumpscares. it still startles him, but the movie is so terrible, he's embarrassed it got him, especially in front of you!!!

if you get involved and you tell him to quiet down, Noritoshi would shift his focus towards you. like that awkward guy who thinks he's being smooth and lowkey about how he cuddles up next to you. He wants to be the tough guy who's shoulder you can hide in, and he is!! just not.. with jumpscares.......

#noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi kamo x reader #merry october #sO SORRY THIS WAS SO LATE AGAIN WDYM OCTOBERS ALMOST OVER FUKC SO THESE OCTOBER POSTS WILL LEAK INTO NOVEMBER. AHA. #FAM I WAS SPITBALLIN SO HARD W THE WRITING BUT FUCK IT OH MY GOD I LOVED THAT #ty back for the cat noritoshi idea btw. ill love you forever #the way i fell off my chair and scrambled to read the rest of this ask was insane. friendship.? im so awkward but i'll be here for u homie #i love noritoshi headcanons.. #i eat them up like candy... #.... my cult member is moving up the unspoken ranks i made up while making this cult..... #as for ino and kashimo. i dont know much about them. #but i like the bits i do know! i like ino's energy.... he reminds me of an excitable puppy from what ive seen.. #i may draw more characters if i grow obsessed. i mean infatuated. or if they make noritoshi look good. #or if you do a damn good job at convincing me #but unfortunately. i was persuaded into a blood pact with my second in command to wait for the anime to finish then watch it with him then. #back to nori though. we are definitely together in this. i fucking understand the drought. pinterest keeps giving me geto #and yes. hes good too. BUT NOT THE MEOW MEOW I'M SCAVANGING FOR #THATS NOT MY STUCK UP BABYGIRL WHO'D SCOWL AT ME FOR PRONOUNCING WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE WRONG.... #btw peep the orange for pumpkins or something #happy halloween my awesome cult

[alltheshadesofamber]

maybe if i refresh page ao3 will come back. no? well what if i refresh page again now 5 seconds later? no? well what if i refresh page again now—

#archive of our own #ao3 #eventually it will work. won’t it? won’t it?? #haha what was the definition of insanity again? asking for a friend

[vinylattes]

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (2019) | 5.03 (Pride Parade)

#what we do in the shadows spoilers #wwdits s5 spoilers #wwditsedit #nandor the relentless #*pride parade (05x03) #dakotasvibe #userligaya #so i won't definitely endorse screenrecording for giffing #but it's ok if you don't have any access to 1080ps #i'll remake this later tho #theshadowsfx if you're seeing this what have you done to me #i'm not including the context bc i'm going insane already #actually thought he's gonna deny and repress again #oh jealous nandor you will always be famous

[yourdeepestfathoms]

why wouldn’t you want to play the original 2005 English translation of Pathologic 1?

it’s got all the good shit, such as…

Devot+E36ress

this

Georgiy’s nephew, Maria

this atrocious spelling of naive, which is misspelled EVERY SINGLE TIME the word appears

Hump Man

this fucking guy

the way every single model is absolutely fried to the point where you can count every single pixel

and i didn’t get a picture of it, but the game’s weird obsession with using the word “penetrate”

#i bought p1 AGAIN on GOG just to have access to the 2005 translation #it’s fucking wild 😭 #the translation isn’t THAT bad if i’m being honest #there are definitely some conversations that are just nonsense #but i get the gist of mostly what’s said #though maybe that’s just because i played the new version and know what’s happening #the most insane thing is that fact that lika is just?? some fucking short old man????? #also i speedran the bachelor route to get access to the changeling route because i only wanted to play hers #and by ‘speedran’ i mean i slept for all twelve days and got the bad ending lmao #pathologic #pathologic 2005 #pathologic classic hd #pathologic hd

[cakesmelons]

I'm just gunna make 1 post for all these. But uh, holy shit?

3k on Tumblr and twt. And 100k likes on Tumblr. This is insane 😭 Thank you everyone who's followed, reblogged, and liked my art :'] 💕

I wanna do smt. As like, a thank you. I gotta figure out what though. (Dtiys? Opening up requests for a bit? Idk I gotta decide.) Gimme some suggestions for what I should do if you have any!

Thank you again everyone 💕

#i still don't see myself as a popular utau artist. my old fandom has definitely skewed what i consider “popular” #but holy shit. i can recognize how many fuckin people this is #thanks again everyone. this is low-key insane 😭 #i was just posting some silly art. never thought this many people would enjoy it

[stergeon]

at some point i will figure out how to write the post-canon, post-empire edelgard autonomy fic of my dreams. it just feels like a very big task and maybe like with playing the dane, i’m simply not old and traumatized enough to manage it yet.

but my vision is thus: it’s set years (realistically, decades) after the end of crimson flower, when everything has gone as right as it can possibly go. fódlan is thriving. the social reforms have taken effect. the nobility system is nearly eliminated, if not entirely so, with titles made merely symbolic. social mobility, welfare, and prosperity are high. there’s an explosion in arts and culture and technology. brigid and duscur have gained independence; relations with sreng and almyra are much improved; heck, maybe they've even figured it out with dagda. in my most idealistic version, leicester and faerghus would eventually be ceded back to become autonomous regions, essentially disbanding the adrestian empire. rule is no longer hereditary, but merit-based. there's a roadmap for the future, and everything is on track—and more than that, people at all points on the power spectrum have already seen it bear fruit. with or without edelgard, it will be pursued. there's buy-in. they believe.

of course, it's not perfect—nothing can be—but edelgard's vision has been fulfilled. the people are empowered. humanity is free. fódlan has healed.

and somehow, she's had enough time to resolve her goals outside of politics, too. those who slither in the dark have been eradicated. edelgard and lysithea's second crests have been successfully removed, allowing them to live if not full lives, then substantially longer ones than they would have with their twin crests intact. who knows—maybe she finally gets around to having that wedding.

point for point, every item listed in edelgard's manifesto has been checked off. the ghosts of her past have been laid to rest. she can finally take off her crown. she can finally pursue the quiet, humble life she's wanted for so long. she can finally breathe.

... but can she?

edelgard is nothing if not driven. her intelligence, vision, and sheer willpower allowed her to plan and execute a revolution against two countries and the most powerful institution on the continent, all while she was still a teenager. as royalty, her life was never truly hers even before she became heir to the adrestian throne, with all the additional baggage of survivor's guilt and the desire for vengeance and her need to ensure nothing that happened to her can ever happen to anyone else, ever again.

so what happens when that drive has no outlet? what happens when someone who has been constantly in motion, constantly working and planning and preparing every spare second of every day since she was fourteen years old, suddenly has to stand still? what happens when someone whose hands have been bound for so long—first literally in the dungeons of enbarr, then by the weight and responsibilities of her crown—is set free?

being edelgard, she would step away from the throne, no matter how hard it was for her to give up control. she's always been focused on the endgame, and she knows that if she doesn't let go, she'll be setting the wrong tone for fódlan's future. she's too devoted to that endgame to cling to power much longer than she needs to, though i could see her making some excuses and trying to iron out just a few more things to buy herself some more time to mentally prepare before she's done for good.

but who would she be then? who is the woman without the crown? what becomes of a machine once it is no longer needed, when it has made itself obsolete? what about when that machine is a person with legs and arms and an innate unwillingness to gather dust on a shelf?

what happens when you get everything you want? what happens when all your wanting has been for others to thrive, and now you have to want only for yourself? how do you discover who you are when you've spent decades being everything for everyone else? how do you find meaning again? how do you find purpose?

after a lifetime of devotion and passion and movement, how do you learn to sit with yourself, and be quiet, and be still?

gosh, i would love to meet her. i would love to pick her brain. but boy, i do not envy the work that girl has to do.

#sterge.rtf #fire emblem #fe3h #edelgard von hresvelg #realistically edelgard is not getting all of this done in her lifetime. but that wouldn't keep her from stepping away anyway #'cause a funny thing happened to edelgard during the crimson flower route: she learned to have faith again. #so even if she couldn't check every box and fix every societal ill she'd still be able to pass the crown to the next ruler. #maybe not without fear. but with confidence. with optimism. with the belief that she's leaving the world better than she found it. #she'd have faith in her people. faith in the future. faith in the groundwork she's laid. faith in the systems she's put in place. #faith that her vision will be carried out with or without her. #and that faith would allow her to eventually let go. #i so love edelgard pulling a george washington and saying nah i'm good on power. peace #though unfortunately i could also see her pulling a teddy roosevelt #and saying nah i'm good on power. peace. wait what are you doing. you're ruining it. you're bungling everything. i can't believe this #and making several (failed and increasingly insane) attempts to get back into politics #who is the taft to edelgard's ted tho. i don't want to do ferdinand the disservice of saying it's him even though i think it's very funny. #it's literally the opposite of his character as taft notoriously sniffed roosevelt's farts for a long time #until he finally pulled his head out of the guy's ass and realized there are other smells. such as the sewer. and garbage. #smells which he pursued quite happily much to ol ted's chagrin #meanwhile ferdinand does not think anything of edelgard's ass except that his is definitely better-looking than hers #(he's wrong on so many levels but you try telling the guy that) #in fact ferdinand has always taken great joy in pointing out all the things that smell better than edelgard does #which gives him an instant up on mr Take-Advice-From-Theodore #all this to say i think ferdinand von aegir would have been a much better president than william howard taft. that's just my opinion. #i'm getting off the rails in these tags idk what's wrong with me #sorry for equating your blorbos to long-dead american politicians everyone. i know this is a cardinal sin #also please don't take this to mean i think positively of washington or roosevelt or taft or whatever. #i hate all dead old white guys who ever held a modicum of power #i just had a hyperfixation on american presidents when i was in grade school and unfortunately now my brain works like this

[br1ghtestlight]

thinking abt suitcase and HONESTLY i dont think she'll forgive nickel after everything. genuinely her life is going to be affected by what he did to her and how he treated her for a really really long time and bcuz suitcase was treated as a pushover or like a naive idiot for most of the season it would be expected that she'd immediately forgive and move on (and her relationship w/ baseball is clearly.... complicated) but suitcase isn't that person anymore. she isnt innocent and optimistic just wanting to be friends with everybody like she was at the start of season two. she's changed and a big part of that change is accepting that nickel may have grown and even befriended balloon but she DOESNT forgive him for how he treated her even despite that. and he'll have to live with the consequences of what he did just like she'll have to. suitcase is never going to be the same again so it only makes sense nickel doesn't get that closure either (and the best he could do is just. accepting that)

#sorry im mentally ill abt suitcase again she's SUCH an interesting character #probably in my top 3 favorite ii characters #dont take this as nickel hate bcuz i also think he's a very interesting character!!! they both are and i love analyzing him #but he definitely did fuck up w/ suitcase and he needs to own that imo #suitcase has stood up for herself and it is HARD but its worth it #and her saying to nickel. yknow what i dont forgive you for what you did to me & how you treated me #after everything that happened in late s2 #would be a big character moment for her. excited to see where her arc goes bcuz she's clearly becoming Worse and i love when characters #do that. love when bitches become evil ‼️‼️ #txt #inanimate insanity

[soldier-poet-king]

Oh man I looked at the notes on that evolution & Christianity poll (a mistake, clearly), like, how can so many people be so fkin stupid. Yes thats mean of me to say but. Y'all are really out here being strict biblical literalists?? Not even most of the early christian theologians & church fathers were strict biblical literalists?? There is no historical basis to being an extreme literalist abt the bible?? Presumably you received SOME sort of education and can read and think critically?? You can't ALL have been raised in an information restrictive cult??

99% of the time im ready to throw hands with Catholicism because oh boy we have beef and I hate it here, but at least we're not Like That TM.

Oh Fr Georges Lemaître, father of the Big Bang Theory, we're really in it now.

#not to dunk on my Protestant friends ily #but like. protestantism is one hell of a drug. holy shit #like do i think ultimately what you believe about the evolution is the end of the world. no #BUT it indicates underlying literalist thinking which leads to problems that ACTUALLY affevt everyday life #and also just. deliberate ignorance. conspiracy theory thinking #not to b like. one thing leads to another. but these r definitely related patterns of thinking #and as much as im like. I fuckin hate catholics #its current western catholics that i rlly hate #theres at least a long history of intellectual freedom and science #yes at times obvs limited and repressed. but at least its not yknow. literalism. i would fuckin die #are yall really out here thinking abt literal adam and eve and creation in 7 days. really. REALLY? #altho. i went to hs with a young earth creationist who thot dinos and humans existed at the same time #so why. am i not surprised anymore #anyway yeah individual catholics are largely insane and i will fistfight trads #but at least like. INSTITUTIONALLY. we're allowed space to think and question #doctrinally thats allowed. even if trads refuse it in practice #ho ho holy shit yall #deadass did not think there was a significant amount of biblical literalists and creationists on TUMBLR of all places #both atheists and trads who think religion and science are fundamentally opposed. #think again. u r all. dummies. i am too tired to be polite abt it #im tired of ppl with no thinking skills <-its elections here today im extra full of rage #mrk saunders can catch my hands ALSO #i saw someone say that theres no basis to interpret the bible as allegorical #as if everytime Jesus said a parable ans the apostles took it literally #he had to sit them down and be like #boys. i love u. stop being stupid. its an allegory for the people. #WHAT THE FUCK IS A PARABLE IF NOT AN ALLEGORICAL INSTRUCTIVE STORY #genuinely. maybe i am naive. but deadass thot the adam and steve crowd thing was a joke. not a genuine argument against the gays #or at the very least a rare opinion blown out of proportion #ARE YALL OK IN PROTESTANT MAJORITY AREAS???????

[hooved]

honestly the funniest part about the quodo kiss blooper is that kira had like no reaction to it. it just made so much sense that even she just stood there and watched it happen

#also i'm not just saying this as a quodo shipper but if they kept the kiss blooper in it genuinely would've been a better ending for them #i think it would've given them and the audience some actual sense of closure #rather than odo just refusing to let quark hear what he wanted. refusing to admit to him how much he means to him and then just leaving #like literally. after over 10 years of Whatever The Fuck They Had Going On #why not get out all that tension and frustration with one impulsive sloppy passionate kiss. and THEN never see each other again #like rene auberjonois really knew what was up when he decided to go in for that kiss #and armin shimerman Definitely knew what was up when he fucking moaned during it #like. they knew. they Get it. i honestly think it would've been fitting for them to keep it in #especially since quark still says ''that man loves me'' in the final take. and it's true ! he just desperately wanted odo to admit it #and they didn't give him that even after he practically begged for it. and after all he did for him during all those years #quark loves odo so much. genuinely. truly. and whether you personally view that love as platonic or romantic. he LOVES him #and odo even admitted to kira afterwards that he'd miss quark. THEN TELL HIM THAT TO HIS FACE !!!!!!!! #anyway lmao. they drive me fucking insane

[doomsdaydykes]

i love hunter so much i literally can’t stop thinking about the fact that belos says “it hurts every time he chooses to betray me” meaning that EVERY iteration of him realized he was on the wrong side and risked and accepted death, over and over again, to fight against belos and undo the damage that was done. belos had to have tried turning him evil with all those grimwalker attempts and he FAILED, so instead he learned EXACTLY how to brainwash him by making him believe he’s helping people, because that’s all hunter really wants to do. the core of hunter’s being and every golden guard that came before him is caring about other people

#AND THE FACT THAT BELOS TELLS LUZ ‘YOU CANT REASON WITH CRAZY’ WHEN WHAT HES DOING WITH THE GRIMWALKERS #IS LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY #trying the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result #but he couldn’t change who his brother was at his core #he couldn’t change his capacity to love and be loved #im going INSANE #hunter the golden guard #the owl house #hunter toh #the owl house hunter #hunter #AND. AND. THE REASON HE STAYS WITH BELOS FOR SO LONG IS BC OF LOYALTY #HES AN INHERENTLY LOYAL PERSON TO THE PEOPLE HE LOVES #AAAAA #mine

[serenadeofthestars]

news flash: constantly putting down one route over another doesn't make people dislike that route. it just makes people dislike the route you're trying to to prop up

#yes this is about ascended astarion #back to the hyperfixation #and just sick of the fact that i cant even go in the ascended astarion tag without people posting #oh its the bad route you know!! its abusive #yeah that so how about you say something new then #you didnt comvince me the first hundred times #what makes you think saying it again will do it #definition of insanity and all

[cannibal-nightmares]

i do love to joke about it, but my past shrink sincerely and adamantly declaring me a time traveler was a lot more damaging than i would care to admit.

#thinking out loud #if youre my ex-shrink reading this whats up #on one hand she taught me a lot #on the other it's undervalued how much psychosis needs to be properly educated on #i mean i was mistreated by four professionals until i gave up and concluded i'd just have to guerilla warfare it #after all the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results right? #tktktktktk goes the geiger counter ugh #actually schizophrenic #actually psychotic #actually schizospec #cannibal-nightmares rambles

[reverie-starlight]

going from literally not being able to handle school and hating myself for setting myself up for failure these past two years to submitting stuff on time and actually putting in the effort this semester feels so surreal, I genuinely forgot I could do it.

#rev rambles #this is sappy #but it's been rough for me cause school was my everything for so long until my mom died. I prided myself on my academic achievements. #so to go from feeling shitty about everything and genuinely not caring while also loathing myself on every front bc I was frozen #and didn't recognize myself anymore #to actually remembering that I do in fact enjoy learning and school and getting involved #and feeling pride in the work I do and actually feeling like I can take a break without crippling anxiety from ignoring my tasks #is absolutely insane to me. I genuinely thought I'd be this way forever and now I'm very very slowly starting to feel like myself again #and i'm not magically “better” this semester either #I'm definitely still feeling the effects of burnout especially after going from what feels like 0-100 in such a short amount of time #but I remembered that I DO care and that just makes me so emotional bc??? I didn't think that was an option for me anymore??? #ANYWAYYYYY #I left this 20% assignment to the last minute (ofc) so ig I gotta finish that now :/

[megaawkwardhuman]

OK I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FOR FIVE SECONDS TOO LONG I GOTTA WRITE THIS DOWN CUZ OH BOOOY

ok so we all know guillermo is supposed to be under quadruple hypnosis and can't hurt any of the vamps in season 3

unless you forgot but I don't blame you if you did

side note: does that mean energy vampires can use hypnosis or can they only if they're assisted by a blood sucking vampire? (NO MATTER WHAT I DO ENERGY VAMPS WILL FOREVER CONFUSE ME)

and since he's immune he's gotta at least pretend to prevent them from fucking killing him

got it? got it

now remember the slap™ right?

who doesn't? gotta be one of my fav nandermo moments

now I know it was heat of the moment and everyone was on edge so really I get nobody noticing but OH MY FUCKING GOD GUILLERMO YOU'RE FUCKING LUCKY YOU WERE ABLE TO SLAP HIM AND GET AWAY WITH IT

BUT this isn't about me being annoyed about this really small thing no no no

I have a small theory: the slap led to the nandermo fight

let me explain (note: this only works if you believe the fight was pre-planned which I do)

now I'm not saying he immediately thought of getting guillermo to fight him like five seconds after getting slapped no no no

I personally think once all the shit with the sire died down like maybe as he was laying in his coffin trying to sleep it fucking hit him HEY WAIT A MINUTE GUILLERMO FUCKING SLAPPED ME

now he probably didn't tell anyone (maybe scolded guillermo? but I doubt it) and just let the fact that it's clear the hypnosis didn't work to himself since if he did tell anyone guillermo is fucked

so after a bit it might have just sunk into the back of his mind

that was until when he was planning the trip to turn guillermo

he wanted to make sure he could protect him but how could he do that? I mean if he can't hurt him how can he prove he can protect me without putting either of them in danger? guess no trip :(

this is where the slap comes in!

at some point while coming up with how to test him he remembered hey wait a minute guillermo can slap him which means he could possibly do MORE than just slap him which means he can fight him to prove he CAN defend him

cough cough it also could mean guillermo can fuck his shit up in a really homoerotic way which he's really down for cough cough WHO SAID THAT

bada bing bada boom the plan to get guillermo to fight him is born to the delight of nandermo shippers out there

#I think I'm giving nandor a but too much credit here #like no offense nandor but there's a real possibility he just forgot about the hypnosis and lucked out XD #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nandermo #word garbage™ #a wise person once said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results #but I'd argue trying to make sense of small details that were probably just overlooked is also the definition of insanity

[rpfisfine]

youtube.com/watch?v=CDrrKAqXp2Q&t=15618s

hi, i think you should watch this hasan vod with alex and aleksa

it’s actually the same stream as when they went shopping with xqc (but before xqc arrived)

anyway, they join at about 3:51:18, and the first ten minutes (like until 4:01:28) are especially good i think, though there are some good moments throughout

also please watch aleksa at 4:09:22

hiiiiiiii thank you so much for this rec there were so many insane moments that i was forced to strip this comp back to the basics bc the file wouldve been too big otherwise but i think this should still be a pretty exhaustive selection:

the cum eating / cum retention story

"i think i wasn't ready for alex's severe and intense training regime. he ended up putting me in the hospital during one of our spars... which is nice. 😁"

hasan being glad he didn't have to fight alex + saying he looks like a ufc fighter + alex: "i feel like you would still smash me."

"[alex] looks like he grew up in dagestan punching rocks"

aleksa: "alex would just dominate me the entire time"

alex complimenting aleksa

"we weren't going that hard, it's more just [alex] got, like, the sweet spot" (??????)

alex saying he was worried he would appear weak "because hasan's so big" Okay

(my personal favorite) them discussing alex's unreal physique + aleksa saying how annoying it is when he randomly starts working out at home + calling alex a weirdo + "just go bat off like everyone else"

hasan giving alex his shirt + alex saying he looks "like a schoolchild" with rolled down sleeves

"you guys bang each other? all the time." and aleksa's intriguing reaction

aleksa's obsession with bass pro shops shirts

aleksa talking abt wanting to show hunter biden's cock on twitter to alex

#i had no idea there was like a prequel to them going shopping with xqc!!!!!!!!!! #also hasan & alex complimenting each other's bodies again and the fact that alex was agonizing over which photo to send hasan #so much so that he apparently consulted it With aleksa........he like showed him both photos & needed advice on which one to send........ #ididathing #boy boy #alex apollonov #aleksa vulović #aleksa at the last timestamp you mentioned.............no way........................incredibly thinking #he looks like hes surprised alex & hasan have banged each other and didnt tell him but he also accepts it insanely quickly. #which probably or most definitely isnt what it is but thats what it looks like alright hitting post and praying that this uploads #also i cannot believe that the entire boy boy fandom is turning into like a genuine hivemind #bc triija has told me to check this stream out recently too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so of course naturally i had to.

[will-o-wips]

It is 4 am. I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, coincidentally having my phone right in my line of sight, and write this with the exasperation and intense focus that I probably won't ever have again. I'm about to attempt to make any sort of sense of the latest Hayao Miyazaki movie, The Boy and the Heron (or rather, How do you live? in Japanese), that I watched for the first time in theatres a day ago.

I cannot claim to be right, or to know everything about this movie. Actually acclaimed critics and people with obviously more braincells than me have probably better takes than I do. But I must speak, lest the insanity truly take over my brain, lest I really end up combusting because of how much I want to talk about this.

Prepare yourselves for the most incoherent train of thought and line of consciousness you will ever experience.

FILLED WITH SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.

Before I start with my actual thoughts, however, I'll state my personal feelings about the movie, because I feel that matters too, and this is my post anyway so! But I personally left the cinema feeling somewhat mellow. I was not insane about it yet. It was,,, "meh". The impression of the ride was great; I was giggling along with the funny and even sometimes not purposefully funny moments, I enjoyed the animation to the point I would genuinely flap my hands in excitement at how good it was, I understood the story in great lines by noticing small details and going "oh so does this mean x?". But I did not cry. Not a single tear during or after or before the movie. I did not waver with my opinion on it as I rambled about it to my friends online and irl, much to their annoyance. I did not hesitate when I put it in my silly little Studio Ghibli movie tierlist maker that I update whenever I watch another one of these films together with my friends, categorized (in)discreetly under "all vibes no plot but there's a witch/wizard". I still don't, in fact.

So, given all of this, you'd probably say that I disliked the movie. That I would not have so much to say about it, after doing my mandatory ramble and update. Wrong. I still have more to say, somehow.

Despite that, I didn't rewatch the movie itself. I read an entirety of one (1) review of it, together with one (1) random video essay of 8 or so minutes, covering the basics of it. I reblogged one (1) post about its protagonist on tumblr and otherwise kinda read through the rest of the posts on here. I did not re-experience or re-examine this movie again. I cannot (again) accurately reference anything besides that what I vaguely remember from watching it a day or two ago. It's not playing anywhere near me anymore/not out anywhere else yet, so really, I don't even know what possessed me to write about this, or even say anything. The most fascinating thing (to probably all of us here) is; what made me change my mind about it?

It might've been the review on IndieWire. David Ehrlich and his well-written review, bringing things into much needed context as to why this movie was created. It could've been the fact that I've actively processed the movie better, now a little bit of time has passed. [Honestly it deserves a second watch/view for something more concrete, but I'm repeating myself with this, you get it.]

But I don't even really understand it myself. I felt and still feel so detached from this movie in a sense. I appreciate the artistry that went into it, and I adore the way it simply tells the story and leaves it up to interpretation. It references every single film Hayao Miyazaki has ever made before, and elements of other Ghibli films can probably be found in there too, if you looked hard enough. The vibes were similar to those of Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, given how inexplicably fantastical the world was. It just existed and breathed, and we as the audience jumped straight into it. We never got more exposition than what was needed; honestly I have a feeling that the second half of the movie was the vaguest piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. But it also had this perfect balance of the more drama-focused Ghibli films. The Boy and the Heron, in my opinion, is like the golden middle between reality and fantasy, both in terms of its narrative as well as comparison between other Ghibli movies.

This might also be the reason why I felt confused. The lines between reality and fantasy were so effortlessly blurred, that you could only process a singular picture. And when things are vague to me, I constantly need to pick them apart and analyse them, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.

The moment before I stepped into the movie theatre, my friend who watched along with me told me they heard it was a film about grief. I nodded along and said "yeah, okay, that just means it's another one of many Hayao Miyazaki and Ghibli films. Most of them are about some kind of loss, and dealing with it, either way." I sat down together with them; row 9, chairs 17 and 18, with my two bottles of water (one carbonated, one stilled) and the bag of terribly sour packaged chocolate pretzels I bought at the theatre itself. Horribly overpriced for the quality, I must say. My friend held onto the popcorn, and we sat through the ads, talking and laughing, anticipating something that was supposed to blow us away.

I cannot speak for my friend, but I think they really liked the movie regardless. They didn't cry at it either, even though we both know of each other that we always cry at such things. Somehow this movie evoked a certain stillness in us both; a stalemate between emotions and confusion. Maybe delayed processing. Maybe something else entirely. We both, or at least I, hid it until later.

It was midnight, and right before we stepped on our train home, I was excitedly going on about the references and animation, the things I did appreciate. I bragged a bit about how I recognized Kenshi Yonezu's voice in the final credit song that we didn't get to listen to entirely, because it was so late and we had to rush to get home. They laughed at me and told me to take some time to actively formulate any coherent thoughts on it. I disagreed (lovingly and jokingly of course), and we left it at that.

In the train itself, the same high dimmed into a simmer, the excitement replaced with contemplation, and I kept talking.

I told them: "I believe that this truly is his last film. This felt like a goodbye." And in return, they replied: "It's crazy how this is the last time we'll ever get to live in such a moment. The release of the final Ghibli movie in theatres.

"I'm glad we got to go."

I was too.

I got home, rambled about the intrinsic way The Boy and the Heron referenced other Ghibli movies to my online friends who had yet to see it. Followed by a heated tangent about how When Marnie Was There truly could have had better direction in regards to the narrative, as well as how Only Yesterday was the most boring out of all Ghibli movies. It was a nice night. I didn't think about the movie again.

The following morning, I contacted other friends, who told me about how Robert Pattison voiced the Heron in the English dub, which I hadn't seen or heard at all. He did a great job, judging by the trailer. This led me to another opinion, namely the video essay (I will try to find it and put it in the notes later if you are curious), which claimed something similar to this (of course, paraphrased):

"This is a farewell. The one true movie to tie such an expansive career. It is another movie where you are allowed to explore the magical together with the main character, while sticking close to the processing of it all."

The review I read said it was a swan-song, that it was the question and title of the movie in Japanese, posed at us, after The Wind Rises left it open to interpretation at the end of its run. That this was a story about the legacy that Miyazaki is leaving behind, how reality and fantasy coexist together, possibly influencing each other (not explicitly said but what I interpreted that review saying, so no this is also not completely like this).

Other tumblr posts I've seen on here say it was a film most likely dedicated to his son, Goro Miyazaki. That it was a gentle "I'm sorry, the shadow I leave behind is huge. I know that you will try and fail to fill it. It's okay; you don't have to. You can leave it behind. It's alright if this legacy dies with me."

Some other sources I've seen compare the main protagonist to Miyazaki himself, trying to grapple with the ending.

Yet somehow, all of these interpretations seem to fail to explain the entirety of this movie. The bigger picture if you will. These themes and moments and interpretations are not wrong, but to me, they're not satisfying enough.

Because maybe I am the only one who actually was insane about this moment, but I will never forget the delivery room scene between Mahito and Natsuko. How Himi addresses the magic stone, pleading to let the two go, saying "Natsuko and the boy who is to be her son". (Again, paraphrased, I cannot remember the exact line.) Maybe I am the only one who witnessed the whimsical fire witch and the going back in time plots and the fact that a younger Kiriko and Himi were there, already part of an ecosystem. How we already know from the other grannies in the house that Mahito's mother disappeared once for a whole year into the tower, and then came back the same as before. How the pelicans were BROUGHT there, that they did not belong there, and yet were forgetting how to fly. How they ate the Warawara, these creatures that were rising above to be born in the upper world. How the Heron's weakness was his 7th tail feather (or something along those lines), and how the fish and the frogs chanted for Mahito to join them in the tower. That the great-great-uncle was hoping for Mahito to succeed him and build a new tower, yet the king of the parakeets butted in and haphazardly did the job, resulting in it immediately toppling over, as well as the stones getting cut.

I think about the final scene where the Heron says "It's best to forget. Do you have any keepsakes?" And Mahito shows not only older Kiriko's figure, but also a piece of the stone paths they walked upon in order to get to the centre, the beating heart, the magic stone and his great-great-uncle.

How this is taking place during a war, that the timeline goes from his mothers death that Mahito cannot get over, to the welcoming of his stepmother and his new younger sibling. Them moving back to Tokyo. The way the tower completely collapsed. Completely and utterly collapsed and perished; not even a trace of it left behind. The way that older Kiriko keeps yelling it is a trap to Mahito in the beginning, but that both he and the Heron know. That it is inevitable to tread this specific path. That he must see for himself, whether his mother is truly alive. The way she both was and wasn't; first a mirage of her older self disappearing into a puddle of water, and second a firey spirit of her younger self coming to help Mahito. The way that he reads and cries at the book she left him, the way he hits himself with a rock after his big fight with his classmates; the way Mahito in general drowns consistently in the beginning of the film. He drowns in the fire that he lost his mother in. He drowns in the mud and the dust when he tries to enter the tower at first. He drowns in his dreams, in his tears, drowns right into his quest to find Natsuko (straight through the floor, by behest of his great-great-uncle), drowns in pelicans trying to eat him, nearly drowns in the actual sea until younger Kiriko fishes him out.

Now these things may seem like me just randomly naming shit that happens in the movie. Hopefully in a slightly poetic way, possibly. I could go on and on about the imagery, truly. But my point is, this movie may have been Miyazaki's last movie, his way of closure, his way of speaking to his son about his legacy, his way of describing the grief of losing his mother (idk if this is autobiographical or not. It very well may have been), yet...

Even so, it doesn't really fit the entire picture. It feels incomplete. The analyses always focus on the true meaning behind this movie, what happens behind the scenes, this one key climactic moment between Mahito and his great-great-uncle. But that's as if you would ignore the rest of the movie in general. As if the fantastical aspects weren't there to abstractly tell a story besides just being a symbol of closure for the person that directed it.

Personally, this is a tale of rebirth. Of losing yourself, and then rediscovering yourself in a way. I associate it with my own personal loss of my grandfather; the family member I felt closest to out of everyone.

The way you look back at such a traumatic stage in your life, something that irrevocably changed you for good, something that you probably don't ever want to relive again, but also mustn't forget. The way you instinctively are afraid to learn about who the person you love and grieve was, before you were in their life.

To this day, I still cannot speak to my mother about whether my grandfather had a favourite song before me forcing him to sing along with my favourites. A favourite book before he read out bedtime stories to me tirelessly. Who the boy in him was, and what wisdom and life lessons he carried on, into his grave, into the hearts of his children.

This movie depicts so much more than just grief, it's so much more than just legacy, even. It directly reflects the way I know I would have felt had I dared to actually see things for myself. If I actually dared to go through my grandfather's old things; the books he wrote and dedicated to me, the books he read when he was young. This movie depicts not how to live, but how to live on.

And the only way to live on is to move forward. To look at the foundations upon which it was built, to evaluate whether you truly want to have this be your burden to carry for the rest of your life. Mahito's abstract grief in regards to his mother, and the solace he finds in the fact that he at least knew who she was; that he at least had her in his life as both his mother and the girl that his stepmother knew, that at the very least he knows his mother would do it all over again, if she could. That despite everything, she did not regret a thing, and that she was not afraid. That somewhere, in the past, she lives on, happily marching toward this fate, because she knows that Mahito will be there to meet her again in the future.

And Natsuko, god, she worries relentlessly about whether Mahito will accept her. She worries to the point she yells at him, telling him that she hates him and his existence, because he rejects her so coldly and yet still bothers to show up in front of her during her most vulnerable moments. That he only takes and takes and takes; he steals her cigarettes in order to learn how to sharpen a knife from one of the servants. He uses those techniques to create a bow and arrow, a weapon. He gets into fights at school, he gets gravely injured on the side of his head, leaving a lasting scar.

If I were in her shoes, I would be furious at him too. Especially if he walked straight into the delivery room, trying to drag me out of bed while I was doing my damn best to keep the other child in my belly alive.

That scene, that sheer rage, and the way it ALL FUCKING SUBSIDES the MOMENT Mahito accepts her and calls her mother. The moment Mahito understands that through the literal whirlwind of plasters, things used to tend to wounds, none of those pleasantries/guards will truly allow him to reach her. The way he tries to nurse his own wounds, as well as try to nurse hers, over the loss of their shared connection (Natsuko's older sister, Mahito's biological mother), will NEVER allow him to make a connection with her. By being careful, by being polite, he will never get to be her son.

And he realizes, in that moment, that he wants to.

The magic stone tries to stop this. The magic stone dislikes disruption; dislikes things changing, dislikes breaking traditions (the taboo of entering the delivery room). The parakeets in the tower flourish because they follow the magic stone's whims more or less. They agree to follow its rules, even if it means they are prone to its abuse, because it gives them an advantage, a place to stay. The pelicans have to eat the Warawara, because there is no other food available to them.

The way younger Kiriko says "you reek of death", and how they establish this place is mostly made up of death and dead people. Dead people, or dying people, creatures that are begging to survive another day. Creatures that are begging to be reborn. That want to change, that wish to fly once more.

My mother once gave me a poem dearest to her heart. We have always been a family filled with literature and stories, but my mother was always the best at both writing them and reciting them. She used to read them out to me, back when I was in a particularly bad spot mentally, to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks on end, to try and reach me. She read with the sincerest passion in her voice, a small plea to get me back to the girl I was before.

I cannot explain or remember the poem by heart, but once I was at my true rock bottom, she told me to look it up. A Serbian poem, written by Miroslav Antić (I will add the name of it later), that was about growing up and growing into your own person. It made me weep, for it had a phrase I think I can only translate to this:

"Run and don't look back."

Somehow, whenever I look at all of these birds and creatures in this fantasy world, trying to fly desperately, trying to get to the skies, trying to get to even live, and think about the fact that the only way they can is by leaving this place. That the only way they can fly and survive as themselves is by leaving this tower, this stone, this foundation. By leaving and being born, by leaving and being reborn.

And, after all of this. Somehow I'm not even done yet. I haven't talked about the great-great-uncle in depth, nor the king of the parakeets, nor the heron whatsoever. I have not yet even touched upon what I might think the magic stone is, and the sheer amount of like symbolism I picked apart in my brain because of my insanity.

I'm probably not the only one who noticed these things. But so far I haven't seen anyone actively share these things, so, I will do my best to continue and genuinely wrap it up as best as I can. So that this can also bring the same amount of closure as the movie does.

The magic stone is like a shooting star that came onto the earth. It realizes dreams and worlds of whoever dares to walk into it and claim to own it; like how Mahito's great-great-uncle got obsessed and built a tower around it, caging it, taming it. And yet he still had to play to its whims, consistently making sure his own tower of blocks did not fall, that all of his work did not amount to nothing. Personally, I do believe the great-great-uncle could represent Miyazaki himself. That Miyazaki is trying to express how he built Ghibli and that now it has been going on for so long, and it has become unmanageable to continue upholding it. That it is time to retire.

A thing I find interesting and remember pretty well is the conversation between the parakeet king and the great-great-uncle. How they talked about Mahito's transgression, breaking into the delivery room (side note: he broke in and broke through to Natsuko with his mother's spirit. Mahito became Natsuko's son with the blessing of his mother; with the sheer love she had for him being carried on and through), and how the great-great-uncle says something akin to this:

"It is why I wish for him [Mahito] to succeed me."

"I cannot overlook such a transgression."

I feel this is important. It is key to how the great-great-uncle views Mahito in this. Because Mahito was not sent out on this quest to find Natsuko out of pure selfishness. Sure, his uncle would have wanted him to succeed him, but the entire reason WHY he believed in Mahito to begin with, is the fact that this boy was able to break the foundation and the traditions in the first place. Mahito inherently disobeys from the chosen path. Mahito inherently does not believe the Heron when he says that all herons lie. Mahito doesn't waver when the heron flies straight at him, he doesn't sway when the frogs or the pelicans overwhelm him. Mahito stands firm in who he is, even if he is trying to deal with new circumstances. Mahito inherently goes to places he should not be in (his curiosity for the tower). Mahito has enough power on his own to create a new tower, but only by rebuilding it from scratch.

This ready acceptance that the great-great-uncle has towards Mahito's decision NOT to inherit his legacy, is what makes me believe this is what this movie is supposed to represent. Break away from the old, off into the new. Closure. Moving on.

This is also reflected in the sentiment that Mahito truly DOES move on. He goes back to his family, his father, school, he goes back with Natsuko as his mother and a new younger sibling to Tokyo. He returns there where he came from, but he is not the same anymore. He is reborn into a new Mahito.

And god I feel like I'm repeating myself to death here; I really should have thought about the structure of this, but give me some slack okay. It's like 6:30 am already and I'm still not done, despite continuously writing and labouring at this.

So, the tower that immediately falls apart by someone who always follows the whims of a dream (the parakeet king and the stone respectively). God it is just such a momentTM. Because in the end even this shows that the parakeets, too, even though they by far had it the best in that goddamn tower, had to leave. For they could not build something on their own without learning who they were outside of the already established. Outside of just following the rules and all.

They had to leave, my GODDDDD.

As I'm getting progressively more unhinged, we shall move onto the most unhinged character in this entire fucking movie. The Heron himself. God there's too much to unpack here, really, but the truth is, the Heron was supposed to be the guide to Mahito. The Heron was supposed to be Mahito's biggest, most aggressive enemy, the direct antagonist to Mahito's protagonist. The Heron doesn't want change. The Heron tries to bribe Mahito with the fact that his mother is still alive, that he need only enter the tower, and lose himself to illusions and dreams. That fantasizing about his mother being alive won't only drown him more, that it won't just let Mahito sink into the deepest pits of his despair and anguish about such a death, that losing yourself to the belief that something is there when it is not wouldn't only be counterproductive. The Heron masks himself consistently; he says that all herons lie. He says that he only has one weakness, his own feather, that allows the arrow to automatically target him. In essence, the Heron shot himself in the foot beak. He himself slipped up in his mirage world, and came out to be who he truly was, this weird little man with a huge nose and a conniving demeanour. He adamantly cannot disobey the dream, for then his true nature comes peaking out (a small detail I absolutely love is the fact that the Heron's feathers also disappear out of Mahito's hands when Mahito is called back to reality by the grannies. The grannies protect him in the dream world too, by being his tether and support system while he gets over himself and starts trusting Natsuko). The Heron doesn't WANT to be a guide, for in order to be a guide, you must tell the truth. You'd need to know some facts about the world around you and share this information with the ones seeking guidance. This is how I believe Mahito understood the Heron before we did.

It's not that all herons lie; it's just that this particular one does not want to face the truth/reality.

Another interesting detail: the whole reason why only Mahito was able to cover up the hole in the Heron's beak was reminiscent about how only those that called you out can really patch up your old image. Only those that have poked holes in your false narrative are able to fill them back up again, and even then it is not the same, and even then it will not always be comfortable/reliable.

Either way, the Heron, after this wings partially turn into hands, his true nature, is unable to fly all that well for a while. He relies on Mahito's corkscrew thing in order to relish in his comfort zone of lies again. But throughout the movie, the Heron slowly starts to ignore the corkscrew completely; simply opting to stay in his (frankly, freakish) half gremlin man half heron costume form. The Heron changes because Mahito inspired him to change. Even though his image used to be spotless before, and he tried to deceive Mahito, after a while, he stopped doing that. The mutual trust both Mahito and the Heron had grew. The Heron became a person, although his heron-ness would never go away.

The Heron thus warns Mahito that he should want to forget. That he will forget, either way. That this struggle of his to grapple with the reality of his situation, and the fantasy that he was delving into, will become a far-off memory that Mahito should not revisit. The Heron, I believe, is genuinely trying to look out for Mahito.

"Don't dwell in what you have already overcome. Don't revisit the things you have already outgrown."

And this is where the movie more or less ends. Mahito still keeps that stone, and his mother's book, and he goes back to Tokyo; the only crucial difference is that he has overcome his own grief.

Now, I've said this like a billion times now, but this is the rebirth. This is what I think this movie stands for. What it means, at its core. This is what it means to live; to move on and to cut ties with that what has no place in your life anymore. Miyazaki, I think, is trying to give us closure, a final farewell to Ghibli altogether.

Now I don't know about any speculation that he might come back again, and personally, I don't think it really matters. If he does come back, good for him. I just don't know enough to say anything for sure, so I'll just say I cannot say.

Either way, I think, even though Miyazaki conveyed the need for a new start/a rebirth, he didn't really end on the complete abolishment of all that used to be. You are allowed to keep mementos of it; even though the Heron advises not to. Mahito is allowed to reflect upon this experience, to see it as another stone in his foundation/formation, to say that, yes, the spirit of this change will always stay with me, although it has passed.

Just like how Mahito's mom was someone who returned to the past without regrets. She never came back. She was a spirit that pushed Mahito forward, and he will always remember her, but it's better that she stay a memory than become a fantasy.

This is why I'm so impressed by this movie in general. I'm so thankful that I was able to witness this with a friend of mine. I'm glad that I was able to see this, even though my insanity knows no bounds, and the fact that I didn't even think about any of this until I really sat down to look through the options of interpretations.

I'm so glad I got to go. Now it's time to run towards the future, and never look back.

#the boy and the heron #genuinely what was I on actually #I can't believe I am writing this/have written this #Disclaimer: I am really just saying shit please do not take this as the end all be all or whatever; I just need to say it just in case. #oh btw this is DEFINITELY not meant to critique or dismiss any of the people that have other opinions than I do #I just needed to put my own interpretation out there #together with my few flourishes of storytelling here and there even though I'm not even sure if it makes any sense whatsoever #the boy and the heron spoilers #spoilers #I think like. there is so much more to be said about this. there is so much more that can be touched upon #without the repetitive stuff of unstructured “just wing it” (ha ha get it. because there's so many birds and flying metaphors in this.) #essays and shit like this #like I haven't even touched upon Mahito's father and the entire airplane thing that could just be a reference but also- #it could be a metaphor in how his father is trying to overcompensate and how he just wants Mahito to fly again so he creates and works so- #hard that he eventually just ends up being absent in Mahito's life. #which is sickening. (positive/bittersweet) #anyway I am still just saying shit. enjoy the??? idk essay upon essay upon essay of late night insanity.