#what you going down for then huh

[egophiliac]

saw the event announcement and had to immediately drop everything and get back to my favorite pasttime (drawing Lilia). sure don't want me saving up my keys, huh, do you Twst?

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #lost in the book with stitch #just literal actual stitch is showing up now huh #not that i'm complaining mind you #that choice of ssrs though. i'm a little scared of what the story is there #stitch and lilia makes me go 'ha ha whoa okay everyone batten down the hatches it's about to get weird!' #stitch and floyd makes me go 'we have to leave. take nothing with us. we have to get out of here nOW' #sure it looks like charming ukelele duets and sunshine #but what happens AFTER that huh #(probably a nice refreshing beverage and some shuffleboard) #(but i'm not going to count on that)

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed) #there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone? #yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't) #the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution) #and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is) #it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

[samarecharm]

I wish the thieves had SOME kind of reaction to the Satanael awakening. Kinda wish we at least had RYUJI react to it….

I think its sooooo compelling to have Ryuji be the only person to witness BOTH awakenings; to see how much Akira and his will has grown since they first met. There was a raw, burning fury in Akiras core that recoiled at the injustice before him, and when given the tools to punish said injustice, eagerly accepted it with a wild, almost manic kind of intensity. I think it would be difficult for the others to truly grasp just how scary that was; that for a short moment, Ryuji couldnt pinpoint the cause of that rage, and the target of it. Akiras mellowed out alot since then, but its always in the back of Ryujis head; theres a side of their leader literally none of the thieves have or will ever see, and he doesnt really know how hes supposed to feel about that.

And now the airs charged in the same way he felt back in Kamoshidas palace; right as Akiras eyes widened at seeing him slammed against the wall. The blazing, untamed ferocity in his eyes from back then is replaced with a cool, calm, steely conviction. He knows his purpose; understands completely what his will screamed at him to understand back when it first started. This is the Akira the team knows, and its definitely the one Ryuji is used to now, but its insane to see the shift; insane to see the kind of power that simmered in Akiras core, literally too big and too overwhelming for past Akira to grapple with and set free.

Satanael comes down, and theres a moment, through all the excited screaming and hollering, where Ryuji can see it look right at him, and Ryuji is taken back to the floor of Kamoshidas Palace; not to the fear he felt when Arsene came forth incinerating everything, but immediately after, when Akira comes to with wide eyes and an outstretched hand- that bizarre feeling of safety, of knowing that this kid would have his back, and that hed never have to worry about where his place would be (its right beside him, obviously.)

#chattin #long post #pegoryu #OUGH #just thinking about Satanael leaning down to get at face level w everyone after the fight #and hes like #‘its been a pleasure to finally see you in person; chariot’ #and ryujis like. finally?? HUH. *chuckles nervously* What Does That Mean. #like obv it is based off of hcs n shit but i like the idea that Satanael TRIED to awaken; like he was so EAGER to get out #and Akira was too new and still too scared to accept that (without realizing it) #so arsene is what manifested instead #like #akiras will reacted SO strongly to ryuji getting cornered that he almost skipped a stage #and satanael SAW the object of his (almost) awakening #hed be happy to see the guy who gave the trickster the strength to go through w awakening #and ryuji would be like im. sorry… but i think. i would remember. um. someone that uh. big. #hed be so flustered. like man. not again. i went through ONE awakening and took weeks to be normal again. #do i really have to go through it again? really? really ???????? #anyway. rambling #ryuji was a disaster through BOTH of akiras awakenings. hes relentlessly teased about it forever

[lovesickeros]

☆ love; heretical and divine

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 0.8k

To love a God is heretical. It is an act of blasphemy– it is to drag them down from their throne of hollow gold, to topple the pedestal the worshipers uphold on their shoulders like lambs at the herders heel. It is the act of forcing them to their knees and ripping that beating heart of glorious gold and beautiful, cruel divinity from their chest, so pure it burns.

To love a God is to make them sin. To make them painfully, horribly human.

To love a God is to sin.

The love of a worshiper is no love at all, brilliant in its raw purity, untainted by sin. It is fear and obedience masked by adoration so overpowering it corrupts. It makes the lamb so unquestioning in it's faith it will never question the knife that cuts, the teeth that rip, the claws that tear. If the Creator deemed them unworthy of the very life crafted by their hands, then they must have committed a sin so grave there lay no salvation for their horrid soul.

But she is no worshiper– her lips speak of heresy as easily as she breathes, her words nothing but lies, cold and cruel like the ice that crawls along her skin like webs.

She loves a God like a lover should.

A damned sinner reaching longingly for the heavens.

She loves a God in the subtle brush of their lips, their muffled voices behind closed doors as they indulge in curiosity untamed. She is a sinner through and through, but she feels herself fall further with every brush of her hand across their cheeks, every touch she bestows upon them like a lover. She memorizes the imperfections of their body like memorizing a map– every scar, every mark, every line drawn on their body like a canvas, her touch the brush that stains the pristine white.

No devoted lamb shall ever see the painting they create in these stolen moments– it is for the eyes of a heretic so vile it makes them shudder, their body dirtied by the love of a woman so vile even their divinity is obscured by the ice.

The lambs may be satisfied with fleeting glimpses of gold and empty words from lips that guide them to the jaws of the wolves, but she is not. Her hands crave them like a starving hound, aching to touch that imperfect skin hidden by the veil of gold that obscures the painfully human body beneath. She longs to free them from the golden cage that binds them– to see their wings blot out the sky, their divinity tainted by sin and making them all the more beautiful for it.

It is a longing that leaves a festering wound that cannot heal, will not heal. Even if it could, she would not let it.

For as much as she tries, deny it as she may, she is no better then the blind lambs following the herder who holds a blade in their hand, glittering like gold in the sun, stained by dull red.

She is a fool, and what a fool they make of her with the touch of their hands against her skin– so cold it leaves frost on their fingertips. Yet they do not fear the cold, mapping out every inch of her imperfections, carved into her body by her own hands.

She has always been a heretic, cursing the divine until she could speak no more, but if divinity can be found in them – in this love that consumes, that burns her hands and her lips – then she is a Saint, praying at the altar until her throat bled.

But in the end, she has and will always be a cold woman with hands stained with blood. Until it is all she can taste, until it is all she can smell, until it is all she can feel. These hands of hers, heretical and divine, will bleed the God from their veins– she will become the wolf to their lamb until the rivers of Teyvat run gold with their ichor, until the gold bleeds into red, the taste of their divinity on her tongue.

Until she drags a God from their lofty throne and makes of them a monster.

There is no greater triumph to the heretic then to love a God into sin. To make a God sin to love.

To love is to be human, and they are no God.

Even if she must tear the gold from their very being until all that's left is something human. Even if Teyvat crumbles and decays, even if it begins over and over again..

She will do it again and again, until the gold can bleed no longer. Until her sins grow too great for Teyvat to contain.

To love a God is to devour, and be devoured. An endless cycle of sin that dulls the glow of gold into something new– something horrifying and divine, in it's own right. Something just as horrid as her, just as divinely corrupted by the sins she carries on her shoulders like a trophy, as gold as the sun and as cold as ice.

Divinity, carved into something human by love all consuming, until it all bleeds away and they begin their dance anew, for as many cycles as it takes.

An eternity, if she must, of dooming this world of theirs to fire and decay for a glimpse of the being snared by their golden shackles.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #fic tag #tsaritsa #tsaritsa x reader #rip 2 anyone who expected like. a normal fic lol. lmao. #im very normal abt the tsaritsa and love its so tasty #i left it very up to interpretation what like. actually happens but. yknow. #i just think tsaritsa being the god of love and not knowing how 2 love without being weird abt it is fun #also wanted to dig into the concept of reader being fundamentally changed by being the creator besides gold blood yknow #but the tsaritsa Knows its changed you and she hates it. she hates it but how does one destroy what is divine? #how do you destroy the very thing that has created you in its hands so cruel and kind? #ive really gone off the deep end huh #this is a warning 2 the normal ppl u might as well leave now. lol #lowkey going for her actually straight up eating u but decided that was too weird for my first fic in a while. had 2 tone it down #i also wanted to add a bit of a concept of the constant resets teyvat goes through and how it plays into the themes #the tsaritsa constantly stuck in a cycle of getting rid of your divinity to be with you as you actually are but teyvat “dies” shortly after #bc obvs ur not the creator afterward so it just croaks and then it all resets again and again #but its the tsaritsa we r talking abt do u think that stops her. NO #obvs still up 2 interpretation go wild this was just what i intended #can u tell i have a lot of feelings abt tsaritsa and concepts of love from her pov. haha. I PROMISE IM NORMAL #i am mentally well why do u ask #what warnings do i add here. dont open this fic ive lost it maybe. yeah #covid rewiring my brain or smth idk man

[rudjedet]

every day i am subjected to takes

"inexplicable" my ass

#there are sources on that post the very least you could do is check them before you think you need to correct me #i don't mind people going 'huh this info is not what i was told' but your first instinct should be to cross reference #not kneejerk into 'OP is very definitely wrong' when what OP did was make post correcting common misinfo #OP *can* be wrong even if OP is an egyptologist but please. at least be normal about this instead of doubling down on the misinfo

[evilkaeya]

Living in yokohama in bsd must be crazy. Imagine you go to your balcony for some alone time after a long, tiring day and you see a kid driving up the building vertically in his pink motorbike

#you go to 7/11 and there's a sick victorian looking guy buying snacks with a raccoon on his head #you're walking down the street and there's a blond kid carrying a cow in his hands #you turn on the tv one day and huh. your math teacher is a terrorist now apparently. #we need a chapter or two from npc pov tbh #like what is it like living in yokohama as a non ability user #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd chuuya

[luck-of-the-drawings]

!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]

REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #cw flashing lights #LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!! #RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!! #BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!! #MAYBE SOMEDAY..... #ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww. #i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!! #i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness #LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!! #better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT? #U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!! #im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it #BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS #WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!! #GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY. #OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON #PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!! #ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!! #IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that. #ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.

[benbamboozled]

#Jason Todd #this was a hard one. #so many things didn’t make the cut. #i had to narrow it down to my fave ‘oh JASON’ moments. #the Hush thing is still completely baffling to me. #JASON WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN HUH??? #HOW DID YOU IMAGINE THAT GOING DOWN???? #absolute mad lad.

[tswwwit]

[About the ask where you said that dipper blurted out "I'm pregnant" To bill and his immediate response is panic]

Does this mean that bill has impregnated someone??? Or the other way around??

Bill's never sired or sprouted any offspring, and has no intention of doing so!

Dipper was pulling a prank, and it worked very well - because Bill's been around the block enough to not dismiss the supposedly 'impossible'.

#answers #Dipper's never really thought about the mechanics of Bill's true form. On purpose. For his sanity. #So he hasn't questioned his assumption that it could never happen #He's right too! With what they're doing they aren't going to have any progeny #Bill though is not one to rule out some freak twist of magic causing an 'accident' #Heck knows he sees twelve impossible things before breakfast #And let's face it: These two get themselves into quite a few Shenanigans #It's almost like someone out there has it out for them 🤔 Weird huh #Given Bill's true nature I think it's equally likely he could be the siring or gestating partner #And between the two he'd pick lying down on the train track himself of that particular trolley problem #My version of Bill has negative desire to procreate at the moment #Though if Bill ever DID sire a kid prior to meeting Dipper #You just KNOW he was the worst most deadbeat piece of shit #this was in my drafts and I totally forgot it was there

[grandcovenant]

carlo's inherent tragedy as a character means that if he hadn't died young he would've gone through something worse. the horrifying realization that he inherited his father's personality <3

#lies of p #geppetto is over and over mentioned and shown to be a very stubborn man. #and the little we see of carlo.... it works.... he was in fact kind of a bull-headed little brat. #and everyone knows how much parents with strong personalities ~loooooooove~ when their kids. get it from them. #i'm not ragging on carlo. the basis of personality that is inherited is not the sole defining factor in what a person is like-- #--and what is developed & changed by one's experiences would make them very different people still. #THAT SAID: i do think carlo achieving his little dream of being The Best Stalker In The World WOULD put him at risk of. #going down the same path his dear old man did :^) #there's something about being at the top of your field and what being the unquestioned authority in all that pertains to it can-- #--very easily make one close-minded and set in their ways. it's probably what happened with geppetto. #i mean if my timeline is right he fucked with venigni's grand covenant long before he needed to enact mass murder to resurrect his son. #which to me speaks of him considering only himself as a trustworthy authority for a long time. #the tags in these posts really are the main feature now huh. sorry about that i just like talking here better.👍its like a secret post. #anyway. LOVE YOU DEAD BOY

[moeblob]

AU where Brent is a drone to help out at crime scenes and offer input after Right finds the drone. And basically he befriends the really weird guy possibly controlling the drone but has his doubts as to how human the drone's source can be. So Right and Brent just go around trying to solve crimes while Right just calls the drone "Fuckwad (affectionate)".

#my characters #i love right so much and i think he would actually do pretty dang well with a lil assistant drone because not a person #which means not liable to get hurt with a bit of contact so he can just #tap the lil drone or poke it to push it away a little #anyway hi i had a very VERY bad morning and im not gonna lie #i was genuinely at one point thinking huh what if i get hospitalized that sure would suck #and i was thinking huh maybe i should think of how to instruct my mom on how to post on tumblr to tell you guys im hospitalized #which in my defense i had to bother my mom at 2am bc i went down to get pain meds and couldnt make it upstairs #and was breathing so intensely on the stairs hunched over i was like hmmmm not the usual panic attack feelings #and she immediately asked me if i wanted to go to the hospital #so im like cool not gonna let that outta my mind thats fine surely no problem #just gonna fixate on being hospitalized #anyway i finally got helped upstairs and was in incredible pain and couldnt breathe v easily #and it was leading to a bit of a panic attack because i was in so much pain simply trying to inhale and #my breathing was so shallow and sharp and my arms were just having bad circulation and shaking and hm #yeah it was p bad #anyway as a treat to myself not being in a hospital i drew my beloved raccoon son right

[puppyeared]

i have to say its a strange experience taking classes on branding and marketing while being vehemently anticapitalist and scorning the economic system

#i shit you not ill be in class and theyre talking abt how to make brands memorable and use words to describe their tone and feel #and at the same time i see starbucks endorsing genocide and greedflation and AI techbros scheming us into extinction #its extremely fucking dystopian. and its even worse when u have teachers telling u to use chatGPT and midjourney for #placeholder text and images. like damn. this is really the industry im going into huh #i feel complicit doing this because i want to pursue graphic design but its chilling to see ppl get really worked up abt branding #do u not feel used?? doesnt it feel like youre giving a faceless entity a mask to gloss over the ugly parts?? cuz i do #i get excited at the design and UX aspect of things like how people think and how design and user interfaces are planned around how #we think and act. but when the endgoal becomes marketing or doing it for companies it just feels like a waste #like i think this is what bill watterson meant when he didnt want calvin and hobbes to be commercialized #i dont want to do anything else unless it comes to that like i change my career path somewhere down the line. but fuck dude #im just gonna keep using unsplash and lorem ipsum as much as i can because i sure as hell dont wanna add to the problem if i cant solve it #yapping #vent

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

if one more thing happens. respectfully. i am going to Lose It

#yknow that one clip of the bugs life stick bug #where hes like 'im going to SNAP im going to SNAP' #yah thats ya boi bogathan over here #ITS ALWAYS FUCKIN SOMETHIN!!! HUH!!!! #oh motel pillow. we're really in it now #can i go... One Week... without a bad development to my Situation.... #i need a giant fucking cake and i need a fork #and i need to demolish that shit on the floor #no no yknow what i need? #weed and an entire rotisserie chicken. On The Floor. #Also A Cake. Always Cake. #and a cantaloupe. maybe i should go get those marinated garlic cloves and chow down #heat up tonights steak. god i wish i brought my tablet i need to Scribble #BITING CLAWING MAIMING #absolutely unprompted #sorry venting again on main Look Away #im not even upset at this point im just mad #like the shrek meme - CAN YOU SHUT UP!!! FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!! #and the shit starts comin and it dont stop comin and it dont stop comin and it dont stop comin and it dont- #at least ive got my stepdad in my corner smh #hes the real hero here #well i have a bunch of dc fics to catch up on. might as well do that!

[catgirlcrisis]

its actually so crazy how the writing team was like “lets make grief and loss important themes for alisaie as a character” so in BCOB she learns about making peace with her grandfather’s death to live life on her own terms, for her own sake. she goes out herself to explore eorzea. and then emery dies while shes powerless to do anything about it. and then she almost dies believing that urianger was going to betray her and the scions. and then she watches the same tower her brother was supposed to be in get bombed not knowing if he escaped in time. and then she watches the people she loves be picked off one by one, physically present but spiritually gone, while being powerless to help them. and then she loses contact with alphinaud (again) not knowing if he’s okay. if he’s safe. and then the next time she sees him immediately its his limp body being carried by a stranger. and then she begs the warrior of light to not leave her alone. and then she watches tesleen die powerless to do anything about it. and then she watches the warrior of light nearly succumb to becoming a sin-eater, risking dooming not only the fate of the first, but the source. and then she finds the cold bodies of licinia and her sister, ultimately more victims of their despair than anything else, people who she’d been trying to help. and then s

#why do they keep DOING THIS TO HER #does anyone else obsessively think about this or am i just fucking crazy #her begging the wol to not leave her alone and then later on in ew again going to the wol and being like #'so hey things are crazy right now but please dont do some stupid self-sacrifice thing' #like basically 'dont kill yourself. stay alive please' #i just think a lot about how like #not in an infantilizing way #but the twins start the story at 16 #and are like 17-18 throughout the end #id say shb/ew #and its like. Wow you guys really are going through it huh #to be fair im also the same age learning that this is just what being 16-17-18 is like #but . jesus #NOT TO UNDERMINE ALPHINAUD EITHER #its just crazy how both of the twins are like #so committed to their goals and their ideals #and they keep being like kicked down #and in alisaies case shes like No fuck off I love everyone #and alphinaud is also like beat with the trauma stick 26787422 times #but is like 'that sucked but i still believe the world has a lot of good in it' #like FUCK YES LITTLE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS #ffxiv #endwalker spoilers #shadowbringers spoilers #idk what else to spoiler tag uhm #stormblood spoilers #in case anyone needs that. i guess

[the-clay-quarters]

thinks about blorbos hard enough that [Nightmares is decreasing...] pops up in the corner of my vision

#no joke i Felt my anxiety go down lmao #cure for holiday stress: what if your ocs where cute together. what if. #what if you brought in that canon character too huh. wouldnt that rock. #welp back to anxiety town i go i got shit to do #i dont really wanna be too venty here but Ough i dont get along w the extended family and tomorrow we fly to visit them for a week #the Dread is getting to me #fallen london #originals

[hollypies]

I lied. Death time

#art #help how do i anatomy #have a nice death #have a nice death art #yeahh i dunno. just felt like drawing himb. #been playing the game a bit. i got addicted so ive had to put it down for now. or at least limit my hours. #the have a nice death discord is super cool tho. specially if you need help with sometjing #useful because its got a lot smaller fanbase than others so i go to them if i need help with something #uhm. ive just been in a bit of a . decline lately? dunno what it is lol. been burnt out #ill be fine dw ! it happens sometimes. judt need to figure out whats bothering me cuz even im not sure #probably just me feeling obligated to draw only like. three things for my art blog instead of. yknow. doing what i want #which is completely my fault but i know people dont like my other art ad much as hk or sky. it. bums me out #which again!! is on me! im so glad people like that art i! i just need to get out of the mindset. its hard though #i guess posting this is breaking the cycle a bit huh #hehe