#what was the point of this besides making myself emo
look a LOT of things in the lotr series make me emo but nothing quite makes me as emo as the usage of Bilbo's "A Walking Song" aka "Edge of Night".
In the books, we first hear it in the Shire as Sam, Frodo and Pippin are traveling to the Brandywine. They haven't really experienced a lot of danger yet and they're still very hopeful, and the lyrics reflect the sense of adventure and intrigue ahead:
Upon the hearth the fire is red,
Beneath the roof there is a bed;
But not yet weary are our feet,
Still round the corner we may meet
A sudden tree or standing stone
That none have seen but we alone.
Tree and flower and leaf and grass,
Let them pass! Let them pass!
Hill and water, under sky,
Pass them by! Pass them by!
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though we pass them by today,
Tomorrow we may come this way
And take the hidden paths that run
Towards the Moon or to the Sun.
Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe,
Let them go! Let them go!
Sand and stone and pool and dell,
Fare you well! Fare you well!
These lyrics were written by Bilbo, whose adventure was less urgent- they reflect a sense of wanderlust that we know was innate to him, of wishing to see new places and things and really take your time as you journey. But Frodo, Pippin and Sam are on a much more pressing quest, and it also reflects that. The last stanza takes a turn to a slightly darker tone, and this is the verse we hear in RotK, with some small changes to help it fit the sombre moment (Denethor sending Faramir to die):
Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We'll wander back to home and bed.
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade!
Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,
And then to bed! And then to bed!
The small changes to the words in the film make this seem slightly more hopeless, which makes perfect sense for the time and place it was performed: but the essential point of this stanza in the book is "yes we expect there will be terrible things ahead of us, but when it's all over there will always be home to come back to!"
Which is a heartbreaking sentiment, because for these three and Merry, it isn't true. The Shire won't be there waiting for them, the same as it was, when they return. Unlike with Bilbo's adventure, the shadows follow them home. The last time we hear a variation of this, is when Frodo is leaving the Shire for the very last time:
It was evening, and the stars were glimmering in the eastern
sky as they passed the ruined oak and turned and went on
down the hill between the hazel-thickets. Sam was silent,
deep in his memories. Presently he became aware that Frodo
was singing softly to himself, singing the old walking-song,
but the words were not quite the same:
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
Sam doesn't yet know that Frodo is leaving forever, and to me, revisiting this motif is Frodo's way of telling him. The change to the lyrics from "we" to "I" reflect that this is something he intends to do alone- he's going somewhere Sam can't follow, somewhere he knew his path was going to lead eventually.
The original song that Annie Lennox had penned for the end of the trilogy, instead of "Into the West", was called "Use Well the Days", and it utilized this stanza as it's first verse. This song was a less epic, softer track specifically from Frodo to Sam- thanking him for his love and urging him to enjoy the life he had.
"Into the West" is a beautiful song, and in the end I'm kind of glad it was chosen instead of the other because I'm not sure I could have handled "Use Well the Days", emotionally. But all that said, "A Walking Song" and all its variants are such a poignant resonating theme thoughout Frodo's journey and it kills me everytime I think about it.
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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/03/2021 (Justin Bieber’s ‘Justice’, Griff, Lil Tjay/Polo G/Fivio Foreign)
You might think that since I can take time out of my schedule to ramble about charts every week, that I have a lot of time on my hands and this may or may not be true but even I do not have enough time or energy to listen to – or even care about – new releases from both Justin Bieber and Lana Del Rey. So, of course, they make the most impact on the chart this week, even if said impact is still pretty muted. Our #1 is, for a second week, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.
It may not make any sense to you that “Anyone” by Justin Bieber has dropped out of the UK Top 75 – which I cover – on the week of the album’s release, but UK chart rules stipulate that only the three best-performing songs from an artist can chart at any time, which is pretty stupid all things considered but I’m not complaining since it gives me less of a workload... or more, I don’t know. With more album tracks from Justin, I’m sure they would cancel at least some of the other, lower new entries out. This isn’t the Hot 100, however, this is the UK Singles Chart, and hence we follow their rules, which means that we also have the notable drop-outs of “Bluuwuu” by Digga D, “Regardless” by RAYE and Rudimental, “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka, “Afterglow” by Ed Sheeran, “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus featuring Dua Lipa, and finally, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV. It seems like this week in particular is pushing out old hits to make way for the new, and that’s a great thing as far as I’m concerned.
In terms of notable fallers, there are a few as expected from having a lot of action at the top, as we have “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #20, “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey at #41, “Money Talks” by Fredo and Dave at #45, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat at #46, “telepatía” by Kali Uchis at #47, “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu featuring Drake on the remix at #57, “Addicted” to Jorja Smith at #61 off of the debut, “DAYWALKER!” by Machine Gun Kelly featuring CORPSE not disappearing fast enough at #63, “Anxious” by AJ Tracey at #65, “34+35” by Ariana Grande at #71, “Good Days” by SZA at #72, “Heat” by Paul Woodford and Digga D at #74 and finally, “Toxic” by Digga D at #75. That’s before we take into account our album impacts from the last few weeks, as well, as for Central Cee, “Commitment Issues” is at #11, “6 for 6” is at #26 and “Day in the Life” is at #56. As for Drake, “What’s Next” is at #32, “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” featuring Rick Ross is at #33 and “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby is at #44.
So, what’s filling in the cracks? Well, our one returning entry is the title track, “Chemtrails Over the Country Club”, from Lana Del Rey’s newest record back at #62. “Tulsa Jesus Freak” did actually chart below the top 75, so this and the debut for “White Dress” later on is all we’ll see from Lana this week. In terms of our notable gains, well, there’s not much to speak of other than the surge for Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” by Boney M. up to #49 off of the debut, other than “Didn’t Know” by Tom Zanetti at #48, “Medicine” by James Arthur at #43, “Ferrari Horse” by D-Block Europe and RAYE at #30 and the expected album boost for “Hold On” by Justin Bieber up to #10. With all that said, we won’t be hearing from Justin for a while as we get onto our new arrivals for this week, so let’s start from the bottom.
#68 – “Track Star” – Mooski
Produced by Woodpecker
Okay, so this is a song from last year from complete nobody rapper Mooski that got big in the US on TikTok a couple months ago so, no surprise, we get it sometime later. Well, at least this Mooski guy seems to at least want to tell a story here, as the song doesn’t stray far away from the topic of a woman with commitment issues who doesn’t stay with him when times get hard. For what it’s worth, content-wise, at least it’s a narrative, even if lyrics like, “Leave a trail of heartbreak and heartache like, it’s cool” sound closer to emo-rap whining than he probably intended. Not that it needed a narrative, because barely any songs can actually affectively tell them, but there’s got to be sometimes to distract from this squeaky, strained vocal loop and all of the janky melodies surrounding it, not to mention the downright awful 808s and percussion that reminds me more of the Afroswing we got on the charts back in 2018 than any trap-rap. Mooski himself is a complete non-presence, especially when he starts stuttering on the bridge, to the point where I can’t distinguish whether it’s totally embarrassing or subtly endearing. Either way, I can’t see myself listening to this like... ever outside of the context of this episode, especially considering how undeservedly long it is for a song like this.
#66 – “Beautiful Mistakes” – Maroon 5 featuring Megan Thee Stallion
Produced by Andrew Goldstein and blackbear
Adam Levine recently said that he misses the “bands” in pop music – you know, people who play all of their instruments and stuff like that. Then he continued to release a song under the name of his band where he swaps out more than half of his band with blackbear and Megan Thee Stallion. Of course. Well, you can tell it’s written by blackbear since Adam Levine directly imitates his staccato, monotonous flow in the first verse and the generally very awkward writing throughout... which is fine, I guess, because at least Levine isn’t stretching himself out into his falsetto much here, and Megan on auto-pilot can still carry her verse off of charisma alone, and her singing in the bridge sounds better than it ever has, so I’m not going to complain about her part here. The main issue in this song, I feel, is just lack of detail. The song’s about the lengths Adam and Megan would go for their significant others but I feel like only Megan attempts to describe what’s going on in these relationships as Adam plays word association with the concept. Adam, you can time-travel back to the Kara’s Flowers era any time now. Pop-punk is making a comeback, and I know you’d hate to not be a part of that, especially if you’re longing for new bands in pop music.
#59 – “Know You” – wewaintwraiths
Produced by Oath
I mean, I suppose I’ve heard worse names than “wewantwraiths” although after he buys a new car with the check his label gives him for the chart success of this song, he might want to change it. Maybe “nowwegotawraith”. That’s besides the point, though, as just as you’d expect, we have another week and hence another UK drill track that leaves little to no impact. This guy actually kind of makes himself out like a British Mooski, with his longing, Auto-Tuned flow that I don’t think he even tried to make sound good, especially considering how janky and unstructured the whole thing is. This drill beat is pretty worthless too, as whilst I don’t mind the mesh of vocal samples and the 808 slides, I cannot stand how this is mixed so that the hi-hats are louder than Mr. Wraiths himself. I don’t mind the content, to be honest, as it depicts him finding a girl and the eventual breakup in a lot of detail. By the end, he’s harmonising with the background vocals and there are a couple of cool synth riffs, but it’s way too little, too late to start caring about detail, especially if for the majority of the song, the percussion and vocals sound this bad.
#58 – “Dimension” – JAE5 featuring Skepta and Rema
Produced by JAE5
If you know JAE5, you probably know him for his production as for years, he has been blending genres for some of the most interesting and best British rap, most notably in how he fuses drill, R&B and Afrobeats as J Hus’ primary beat-maker. He also produced songs for Dave, Shakka and Burna Boy, which got him a Grammy win, as well as “Options” by NSG, one of the biggest ever British rap songs and still one of the most infectious. Now he’s embarking on a solo career less like a DJ Khaled and more like a Metro Boomin, bringing along legendary British rapper Skepta along for the ride, as well as an appearance from Nigerian singer Rema, whose wonderful nasal tone really stands out alongside all of the synth ambiance in this production, as well as the stuttering hi-hats and those gorgeous falsetto vocal samples. Skepta sounds pretty checked-out over a beat probably too smooth for him, which shifts over to some staccato piano, as well as some intricacies in this production that sound great, especially the jazzier touches that accentuate the already great groove with some Latin-flavoured guitar and strings. Oh, yeah and the subtle brass on Rema’s verse is excellent, even if Rema isn’t saying much of anything – in fact, content-wise is probably the only place where this song kind of flounders, as Skeppy zig-zags from socially conscious lyrics about Pan-Africanism and the plight that many Africans on and outside of the continent in day to day life, to “Girls sellin’ the coochie for Gucci”. Ah, well, ultimately, the song sounds incredible and I really should check out more of Rema’s stuff if it’s at this same level of detail. I’m pretty excited for that JAE5 album now, whenever that’s coming.
#51 – “White Dress” – Lana Del Rey
Produced by Lana Del Rey and Jack Antonoff
And from Afropop to the whitest singer currently charting this side of Taylor Swift, here’s what I suppose is the next single push from that Lana Del Rey that I practically avoided entirely. I understand that a lot of people are loving this but frankly, I’ve never been a fan so I’ve given up trying. If Norman Fricking Rockwell! couldn’t convert me, I don’t think her subsequent releases will, in fact, I can place a bet that listening to this whole album will make her music sour on me even more. Well, this song is about... being disillusioned with the music industry and public fame. I see. The implications that come with that aside, I have no reason to care about Lana once again breathily cooing over an ambiance that refuses to effectively create an atmosphere that really clicks with the nostalgia tone Lana’s lyrics take here, instead just meandering through this snooze of piano-based blend, only elevating itself through clashing percussion that ends up fading itself out of view way too quickly. Also, shouting out Kings of Leon feels both completely in character and unintentionally hilarious. At least as far as I’m aware, neither they nor the White Stripes, also name-dropped in the song, are blatantly racist on social media... I hope, at least.
#40 – “Headshot” – Lil Tjay, Polo G and Fivio Foreign
Produced by Bordeaux, Non Native, TnTXD, Tahj Money, Dmac and 101 Slide
So this really needs six producers, huh? For a song that’s barely two minutes? Okay, well, after the success of “Calling My Phone”, it only makes sense that Lil Tjay will follow up an R&B crooner with a harder rap cut, and here it is, and it kicks a lot of ass – or at least as much ass that can be kicked with the nasal, unconvincing tones all of these guys have. The main loop of the intimidating strings here, accentuated by that staccato piano melody, is the perfect backing for a hard-hitting trap beat that I almost wish had some more bombast outside of its badly-mastered 808 bass. That said, Polo G kills it regardless, with some of the most energy he’s ever given and the most lyrical detail out of any of the guys on the song, as his fast-paced flow is genuinely menacing... and now I understand why the song needs six producers, because as smoothly as possible, that cacophonous Pop Smoke-esque gunshot percussion comes in and it soon becomes an intense New York drill track more befitting for Fivio Foreign’s verse, who may not have any of the lyrical dexterity but he fills in the blanks with his ad-libs and still carrying the drill beat pretty well, before Lil Tjay comes in as intense as he ever has on a beat that reverts to the trap knock again, very smoothly. I do find it pretty odd that of all people here, Fivio has the longest verse, but I guess his verse is more of a bridge to act as a gap between two overwhelmingly gun-fire verses, both of which have content that can pretty much be summed up as gunplay and flexing, but with some of the bluntest, most deathly lyrics I’ve heard in rap, especially when Lil Tjay just pretty explicitly says he kills anyone he even dares to disrespect them. I’m now thinking I should delete the episode where I gave “Calling My Phone” Worst of the Week. Speaking of that song, this song is so much better it’s almost confusing. Maybe this high-energy gangsta-rap stuff is somehow a more convincing lane for an auto-crooner like Lil Tjay than alternative R&B.
#39 – “Black Hole” – Griff
Produced by LOSTBOY
Again, in stark contrast, Disney pop. Okay, maybe calling it Disney pop is misleading but the main reason Griff is succeeding now is that Disney Christmas advert, which gave her “Love is a Compass”, her first charting song – and a pretty bad one at that. This single, released this January, is a lot more upbeat than that drone of a ballad and hence fits Griff’s limited vocal capabilities a lot better, as she does a good Selena Gomez impression – almost good enough to forget that she’s now whispering over reggaeton so Griff will basically be her replacement in the UK – over some pretty indie-pop that decides to produce itself out of common sense... if that makes sense. The quirky strings and bass start the song before the percussion comes in and it makes sense as it rises pretty regularly, until this one dissonant, chamber-echo bassline comes in and morphs the entire song, only for it to disappear for the first chorus, but given how anti-climactic that first chorus is, there’s no build-up that makes that cathartic, at all... before it comes back in just to disturb the peace for the second chorus and verse. Not that the song’s mixed badly, particularly, I mean, “DAYWALKER!” had a similar discrepancy last week and did it much worse. In fact, I think this production being so awkward makes the song a lot more endearing as it just represent that “black hole” in the content that’s being left where Griff’s heart used to be – because, of course. I wish that chorus made a lot more of an impact though because as is, it feels very much lacking in stakes, both sonically and lyrically, especially since the song doesn’t really go into any detail about how she tries to fill the gap, which I think would be a lot more interesting. As is, I mean, it’s listenable but I don’t know for how long before this becomes grating. Regardless, it’s looking to become a hit so we’ll see how this goes. Maybe mindless bubblegum-indie-pop is what the nation needs right now. Who knows?
#24 – “As I Am” – Justin Bieber featuring Khalid
Produced by Skrillex, Ido Zmishiany, Josh Gudwin and The Monsters & Strangerz
Now we here. These two tracks that debuted are basically the most I’m hearing from this Justice record past the singles, so I was kind of hoping the tracks with Skrillex and Lil Uzi Vert would chart out of morbid curiosity, but it’s seemingly the more R&B-adjacent cuts that are debuting the highest, as Bieber teams up with Khalid for a piano ballad, as Bieber talk-sings over some overly processed instrumental that pretty much goes off the rails as soon as the guitars come in and suddenly, it’s not so much of a ballad as much as it is a janky EDM track. In fact, everything about this is janky, from the non-build-up that leads to a really ugly, almost future bass-like drop that’s just kind of funny in how those distorted synths career in the mix like accordions. Then Khalid comes in pretending to be British as always, and despite his worst efforts, he can’t really harmonise with someone as digitally processed as Bieber when he’s a genuinely soulful and damn good singer. At some point, Bieber just goes insane in the bridge and Khalid’s there to bring him back down to Earth, doing so by forcefully stripping the future bass away and rescuing themselves both back to the safety of a clipping piano instrumental. Yeah, this is ridiculously bad – almost in the way that it makes me want to hear the rest of the album – but I wouldn’t go as far to say it’s so bad it’s good, mostly because I’m pretty aware it’s a fluke in an album that’s otherwise pretty boring, at least going by the singles. Of course, speak of the Devil...
#3 – “Peaches” – Justin Bieber featuring Daniel Caesar and Giveon
Produced by Shndo and HARV
Finally, electroclash legend Peaches released her comeback single and it debuted at #3 on the UK Singles Chart – or, in reality, Justin Bieber’s milquetoast R&B imitation with two genuinely pretty good alternative R&B singers Justin coasts off of the skill and talent of, debuts at #3 because we’ve got nothing else to do as a country but sit, complain and stream sea shanties. I watched the video for this when it came out, again mostly out of morbid curiosity, and it’s kind of a comedic gem as Justin’s clearly the only one trying (because he doesn’t understand the concept of smooth, low-key R&B), making him feel so out of place when stuck between Caesar and Giveon. It’s like Hailey Bieber knew Justin was going to be lonely on his birthday so she paid the coolest kids in school to humour him for a couple minutes. In fact, that’s pretty much the song as they all croon pretty effortlessly over a smooth, pretty organic drum groove as well as this subtle synth blend... except Justin Bieber, of course, who tries his best to be a presence on a track where he’s literally supposed to be in the background. Thankfully, that’s not necessarily a complaint as this is Bieber’s best vocal performance in years, maybe ever, even if he’s immediately outshined by Caesar harmonising pretty excellently with his own multi-tracking, channelling the kind of neo-soul that people like Tyler, The Creator and Kali Uchis were making together half a decade ago. Giveon is here, also, but I’m not sure if he fits as well as synth-funk as he does on the moodier stuff. I know for damn sure that Sampha wouldn’t feature on a Bieber track, even if this is the most respectable Bieber’s been in forever. Admittedly, by the final chorus, it’s absolutely infectious – even if the lyrics are beyond stupid. The verses are about intimacy with their respective significant others, written in the most inoffensive, lovey-dovey way possible, but the chorus is about getting peaches from Georgia, weed from California, and bringing them alongside your wife to Canada to see the Northern Lights. Sure. If that final synth solo in the outro proves anything, it’s that this song should be great and just kind of falls flat due to lack of focus. That’s not to say the song isn’t good though, because I’ll be singing that chorus quietly to myself without realising it for the next week or so. Good job, Bieber.
Best of the Week is actually going to Justin Bieber for “Peaches” featuring Daniel Caesar and Giveon, if only to balance out the fact that he also gets Worst of the Week for “As I Am” featuring Khalid, what a trainwreck. Honourable Mention in that case pretty easily goes to “Headshot” by Lil Tjay, Polo G and Fivio Foreign, but even in a mixed bag week like this, Dishonourable Mention is kind of tough. There’s not a lot to outright dislike here, but I’ll give it to Mooski’s “Track Star” by default. With that said, here’s our top 10:
I can’t really make much prediction for next week other than the drowning out of all of this, although I can see “Peaches” absolutely having some legs. I can safely say Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato will end up here but I’m not as 100% on songs from 24kGoldn or Rod Wave’s albums landing. If the United Kingdom, currently collapsing under our feet, decides to make AJR’s new album chart, I say the Prime Minister gives permission for Scotland to leave while it’s still safe. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.
Interesting (Finding Family Pt. 2)
Prompt: A follow-up chapter to the Soulmate September story where Soulmates switch bodies with one another.
AU: Wasteland AU
Roman threw open the airlock before dragging three figures quickly into the compound. He didn’t bother to wait for the lock to re-engage before he was trying to take off his suit. He was ignoring the angry yelling in his ear about not removing his suit. He didn’t care. It had been so long. He had to make sure. This had to be him right?
“Remus, Re, is that you?” One of the other three figures also began to take off his suit and despite the protests of the others, Remus had thrown his helmet to the floor. The airlock hissed, spraying all of them with a decontaminant as Remus and Roman flung themselves into each other’s arms. They gripped each other with such reverent care, before suddenly pulling away.
“I see without me around your reaction times are slower,” Remus said before punching Roman in the arm and the two of them started to spar as the internal door opened.
“I am glad to see that the three of you made it here, Patton is currently pacing around the med bay. I assume he will feel much better once he has gotten a chance to check all of you have not sustained lasting injury.”
“Yeah, cool,” Virgil muttered as he took off his helmet. “Just point us in the direction specs.”
Logan nodded and began to lead Virgil and the third, most likely the one Logan had been talking to over the coms, towards the med bay. Remus went to follow, but Roman grabbed Remus’s wrist.
“Who’s the hottie?” He whispered.
“You mean, Virgin or Snake-face?”
“Virgin?” Roman laughed, but quickly covered his amusement. “I’m talking about the one with the fringe.”
“Oh, that’s Virgil. Why, do you have a thing for emos?” Remus asked bumping his brother as they finally started walking towards the medical area that Logan was leading them to.
“Psh, what?” Roman asked, bumping his brother back, but, maybe he did.
Logan looked back at the two of them, rolling his eyes. He knew this was going to be interesting but he hadn’t accounted for just how much it would be.
It took Logan 3 months before he realized the extent of how weird things were going to become with the new people in their compound. He woke up, blinking the sleep from his eyes and realizing he could easily see the ceiling tiles. It took a moment longer for him to realize that he must not be in his own room or his own body for that matter.
He frowned, looking down at his hands, and he was actually surprised to recognize the hands. His headshot to the left and he saw Virgil curled up in a cocoon of blankets. Logan was in Janus’ body, this… this made things interesting. He took a deep breath and got up. Thankfully, Virgil was a heavy sleeper so Logan was able to sneak out of the room and make his way to his real room. He didn’t even need to knock when he watched his own body stumble out.
“Logan,” It was strange to hear his own name, out of his own body, when he wasn’t in it.
“That’s the same conclusion that I came to. Shall we sit and discuss this?”
“That will probably be the best option considering that the two of us are barely acquainted.”
Logan nodded, leading Janus to the common area, but neither one of them started talking. They were both trying to wrap their minds around the idea of being each other’s soulmates.
Finally, Janus broke the silence. “This does not have to change our relationship, you are aware of that, right?”
“Of course, although there is something that insists that we should spend our lives together that does not mean that anything has to change currently. I am simply fascinated by the implications.”
“Implications?” Janus turned to look at Logan, raising his eyebrow and the logical man was once again struck with how interesting it was to see the facial expressions on his own face. It wasn’t even like looking in a mirror. It was simply...odd.
“Yes, well, after having some time to see Remus’s personality, I would not have guessed that he would have been a good match for Patton, but they have balanced each other out.”
Janus nodded, “Remus has been forced to take better care of himself now that he has someone looking out for him and making sure that he eats properly. I did my best, but there is only so much I can put up with. Patton seems to have a near-endless supply of patience and compassion.”
“Exactly, therefore, it might be worth it to also explore our relationship more.”
Logan watched as his own body tensed, was he always this expressive, or did he simply know his own reactions? “In what way are you proposing?”
“Nothing drastic, maybe a few more conversations outside of our work habits, analyze if there is anything else between the two of us that will pair together well.”
His shoulders began to relax and Logan was trying to understand why the thought of deepening their relationship might have made Janus hesitant. “I believe we can arrange that,” Janus said. A sly smirk played on his lips and Logan wasn’t sure he had ever made that face before.
“Very well, Patton should be awake soon to start breakfast, shall we prepare the kitchen for him? Otherwise, breakfast will take a bit longer. He is going to be overjoyed when he hears of this.”
“Well, there’s no surprise there. Honestly, I’m beside myself.”
Logan looked at Janus with betrayal before the other male burst out laughing. “Lighten up specs,” He stood, holding out his hand. “Why don’t you tell me about your interests while I set the table.”
Despite the pun, Logan couldn’t help but smile lightly. This was going to be interesting, but that didn’t necessarily mean it would be bad.
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hi !! if it’s okay i would really appreciate a matchup because i’m curious and ngl need some comfort 😭 i’m female, straight, i’m indian-american (but tbh i’m only really fluent in english and my mother tongue i’m not.. that fluent in ? i can speak some though), rapunzel-length darkish wavy hair (hair was dyed a caramel color before it’s still there but faded nicely), glasses, i rather not say like my physical appearance like weight and stuff (it gets me triggered 🙁) same goes for height but i guess kinda.. tall-ish? idk but i’ve rarely seen tall girl appreciation so that would be nice windwjfnsnsn. i love gaming, anime / shows / movies (anime the most), EDITING !!! (i love photo & video editing) reading, writing, listening to music, sleeping.. & i like to chat / hangout. i like getting to know people but only if it’s reciprocated. i’m an ambivert, i’m considerate, kind, understanding, easy to talk to, trustworthy, loyal, patient, funny, observant, good awareness, spontaneous / bubbly, random? (like.. i can say funny random things). i can be super confident sometimes but then get envious and feel really insecure about my appearance. sometimes i can overthink a lot and get very anxious and would need comfort and reassurance. i get overwhelmed and stressed easily when it comes to like homework ? and feel upset when i don’t successfully accomplish something that i want to do or if it’s taking a while and beat myself up about it. i never half-ass things. i’m a night owl, i sleep through my online classes 💀 i love teasing, playful banter & joking around a lot but to an extent. i know when to not cross the line and don’t tolerate that kinda stuff ? i make sure to communicate. i can be blunt & straightforward. it takes a lot for me to genuinely be pissed off like it kinda has to build up overtime...? to the point where i would act out of character if that makes sense. i try to be kind when communicating unless it’s like i’m being ignored intentionally i’m gonna be passive aggressive lol. i don’t like repeating myself (when it comes to stuff like communicating, etc), i hate when i’m ignored or when things aren’t reciprocated. i can be fragile sometimes and tear up.. i’m an angry crier jandjsdnsj & i hate arguing it makes me so so so anxious. i hate being jealous or having feelings bc idk how to deal w it and guys have treated me like shit ?? so i’m like ew wtf is this 🤔 ? oh no not again 😭 and deny to myself of having any feelings and will never act on it. kinda like tsundere to my crush ?? but like i’m not super mean mean more like playful mean ?? & esp if they’re like cute & shy i’ll probably just tease them. i don’t have the heart to intentionally be mean unless we’re joking, etc. but even then i never go too far with that. for my preference of guys it’s all over the place so i don’t really have one ? 😭 umm i love going into detail and i can ramble a lot. i can be clingy sometimes and affectionate if i’ve known the person for some time or feel comfortable with them. i have trust issues & i’m on my guard whenever i meet anyone new because you never know & i’m tired of that stuff. oh, i’m super shy and quiet like... if i’m talking to a cute boy i just malfunction.... i just can’t 😭 i literally don’t know what to say even thru text so i legit just giggle. it’s so easy to make me flustered / shy 💀 also my face turns red super easily like it’s so obvious to even see that i’m blushing even when i’m laughing 😭 and i think i unintentionally make it obvious if i like someone...... 😭 like i’ll just stare at them and want to get to know them and try to be friends with them etc. also i love giving compliments and getting to know people (depending if they aren’t dry, etc). i think i’m good at comforting people(?) or well i try to and i would say i have good advice? i can kinda read people and remember their mannerisms, etc. oh & i have good memory, too. i’m aware this is very long so thank you if you read this i genuinely appreciate it !!! have a great rest of your day / night 💜💜
hello, no worries here!! i honestly really value the show of interest ( ´∀｀)
i match you up wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith
Makoto Naegi from Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc!
yes i gave you eggy boi lmao
i felt like he matched you pretty well! you said you can get jealous a lot and you can be sensitive and angry cry? well here we have one of the most, if not the most patient characters in the whole series. if you get emotional, he’s gonna be here for you! makoto will give you all the love and affirmations you could ever need, and although he can get flustered very easily, it’s such a treat to see you getting easily flustered and shy. he can be shy when it comes to love, a little tone deaf, and a maaajor simp. HOWEVER he will treat you like his princess! besides, although at first the banter catches him off guard, he loves it and will go back-and-forth with you to such an annoyingly flirtatious level for everyone else to witness, hehe （⌒▽⌒）if you’re feeling clingy, he probably is too ngl. he’ll always be touching you in some way: it could be just your hands touching without needing to be held, your shoulders touching, him leaning on you in some way...WHICH I FORGOT TO MENTION!! makoto is so small he would fall head-over-heels for a tall girl! at first maybe he has a bit of a height complex where he feels like he cant really be a man when his love interest is taller than him, but he ends up being really into it and he loves looking up at you when talking to you!! please give him a piggyback ride!! don’t deny your feelings for him because he’s kind of dense and will think that you’re just blatantly uninterested in him romantically, maybe he’ll still have hope that you two can become an item one day, but it’ll still hurt his feelings. as for your interests, show him the music you like! even if it isn’t his thing, he’ll still enjoy that you cared enough to show him something you were interested in. that isn’t likely though, since makoto is the kind of guy to like pretty much anything. he’ll adore reading anything you write, and reading with you! he likes to see whatever you’re interested in, so feel free to show him any media that you’re engrossed in, because he will probably end up liking it. it takes a lot to displease him. also, please don’t beat yourself up over anything! makoto will always be there to support you, he cares about you a lot and he really doesn’t like seeing you get hurt. you should go easy on yourself! he’s just so in love with you and he wants the best for you!!
Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu from Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair!
i almost chose hajime for you but i 1. didn't want to give you ANOTHER protagonist lmao and 2. felt like the description would have too many similarities to makoto. also i thought fuyuhiko would just make things more interesting! i hope this is ok
this good boy....oh man. you’re both tsunderes so it’ll take a bit, but don’t worry!! plenty of friendly banter to go around, just don’t make fun of his baby face C: this boy is very insecure about himself and since you’re good at giving advice and compliments, you two will complement each other very nicely! he’s always worried about being so small and too pure and childish and not manly enough, when all he wants to be is strong. please give him love and patience! similarly to you, fuyuhiko’s very blunt and straightforward, and will never hesitate to call someone out on their bullshit. in fact, you may need to caution him a little and hold him back because he can be impulsive and easily-angered. but behind the scenes though, he’s very affectionate! he’s probably even clingier than you are, so you’ll never have any anxieties on “am i being too clingy?” because he certainly will. this boy will constantly be all over you when you’re alone with him, where he’s touching your hair or holding onto your arm...speaking of which, god he is just so enamored by you! you’re taller than him, which would of course make him feel a bit insecure about himself, but man he is soooo into it. he’ll never ask you, but if you carried him bridal style or gave him a piggyback ride or carried him on your shoulders? you will win your way into his heart instantly. also he can’t stop staring at your gorgeous hair someone heLP HIM!! btw fuyuhiko finds it so adorable seeing you be shy and flustered, he’s just so so attracted to you and he doesn't want to admit it but MANNN!!! also he’ll totally wanna participate in your interests because he just wants to be around you all the time..and you make him laugh!! you make him laugh and he has such a sweet and warm laugh, it’s so rare but you can make him do it and it’s just wonderful
Shuichi Saihara from Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony!
i gave you hat shuichi woohoo!! man he’s...he’s so awful at hiding his feelings for you, with AND without the hat. both of you are so blatantly obvious with your crushes for each other and yet Painfully Oblivious Of Each Other’s Love and it drives everyone else crazy because they keep going “JUST KISS ALREADY!!!” you do wonders for this boy...you like reading?? wow!! ah, so does he! he r-really loves reading novels, especially mystery novels, that’s so cool that you also love reading because he loves to read and you have something in common haha.......gjhsbisvns also you make him laugh too! he finds your silliness very endearing and it always helps him! as we know very well, we have a sad emo boy on our hands and your silliness and charm will always make him crack a smile. he won’t ever prompt it, but he needs to confide in you, so please let him. he needs all the reassuring he can get because of how unconfident he is, he just wants to feel good about himself and no one can help him do that better than you. don’t worry though — this isn’t one-sided. shuchi knows you can get a bit fragile and he’s always here for you too. he isn’t much of a good talker but he’s one hell of a listener and will happily listen to you vent, maybe even advise you on some of your problems. shu understands your anxiety so well because man, he is the king of anxiety. you two can grow and learn together! you can set goals to leave your comfort zones and be there for each other, encouraging each other. i think you two would be very healthy together. also, he’s really not used to banter with anyone since he’s so passive, and at first will simply laugh it off, but after enough time he’ll get into it. he’s worried about hurting your feelings, and he’s never really had anyone to banter with, but he understands and sees how you do it, and it looks like fun! so get ready >:) because when this lad is confident enough, he won’t be afraid to call you out on your tsundere behavior!!!!!
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A Cursed Reality- JJk x Male Reader (Ch.5)
This chapter is a little longer than usual and very dialogue heavy. (also plenty of swearing). Sorry if the scene is disappointing but I'm not super good at fight scenes and I'm hoping to develop them as I go on. Also if I made [Name] OP then everything would be over too quickly.
Let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments (or the tags!!) enjoy
Last || Next
“Kugisaki-chan. Be honest with me. On a scale of Gojo to Yuji how stupid do you think I am?”
“Eh? Do you really want me to answer that?”
“If I had to pick an idiot I’d say Gojo-sensei. He at least has the brain power to understand jujutsu. I mean he’s a childish and immature old man who ignores what’s staring him right in his face but he wouldn’t ask me what animal the pink panther was.”
[Name] uttered out a confused thank you before thinking ‘I have got to stop starting conversations like this’
He almost never gets the answer he wants. It’s like as soon as he asks the question he becomes humanized and not a mysterious special grade sorcerer a few seconds from ending someone’s life for finishing off the fruit snacks. (Based on a true story. Gojo can confirm.)
“You’re welcome. Why’d you ask anyway?”
“Actually I think I’ll jinx it if I talk about it. Plus I don’t want you to think poorly of your ‘superiors’ but let’s just say there are people plotting behind my back and I’m wondering if I have idiot written across the top of my head”
“On a lighter note, do you think any of the other first years know how close we are?”
“I was asked whether or not the Pink Panther was a lion and spoken to in 6 word sentences just yesterday. You’re the only person I can hang out with. The other two are people I spend time with”
“What about Maki?”
“That’s totally different. You should know you have a totally different relationship with Gojo and Inumaki.”
“You and Gojo fight and tease each other like siblings or something and you and Inumaki spend time alone. Together. And sometimes you like go out and eat food and stuff”
“You make it sound like we’re dating”
[Name] absolutely hates talking on the phone and everyone knows this. Facetime has been like a happy medium whenever people need to get in touch with him but it’s still extremely annoying to have to have a face to face conversation over the phone.
“Why are you calling me Gojo?”
“My precious little [Name] I was just checking up on you to see how your day off is going?”
“It was going fine until you called and interrupted my peace”
“Don’t be like that [Name] I know you miss me”
“As if- No puppy- WAIT!”
Gojo furrowed his eyebrows “[Name]-chan?”
“Since when do you have a pet?”
“I made Fushiguro give me one of his divine dogs”
“Aww. That’s so sweet of Megumi. But you can’t keep calling him puppy. Give him a real name”
“He does have a real name I call him yu-yu”
“So who were you calling Puppy?”
“Don’t make it weird”
“It’s already weird”
“Look me in the camera and tell me he doesn’t remind you of like a golden retriever or somethin”
“You made several points but still”
“It’s supposed to be derogatory”
“It’s a pet name”
“He’s hyper, adorable and excitable. I’m pointing out the obvious. Me calling him puppy has the same energy as calling someone four eyes”
“It does not”
“....I have to go Yuji just found out about Megan Thee Stallion”
“Are you a Fall out boy emo or like Lorde sad boy?”
“That’s a loaded question”
“It most definitely is” [Name] replied holding back laughter “But I can like, vibe to either one so just play whatever music you like and I’ll enhance the atmosphere.”
That day was definitely the most relaxed Fushiguro had been in weeks, and [Name] learned some very interesting things about Fushiguro’s…. tastes. They definitely had some things in common.
“You’re sending me on a mission”
“[L.Name] you’re a special grade sorcerer. You can handle a first-grade curse on your own”
“I most definitely can, but so can others. Both Gojo and Okkotsu are away on missions. Are you telling me in your expert wisdom, you’re making the choice to dispatch all of the Special Grade sorcerer’s for first-grade curses? What if something happens on home turf.”
“I assure you if there’s an attack on the school Principal Yaga can handle the threat.”
“I’m not talking about the school.”
There was a brief silence in which [Name] just stared “You have your orders”
And [Name] absolutely did have his orders. Ones that aligned with his personal feelings. You see, a little while ago Gojo ordered [Name] to protect Yuji. And if anything were to happen to the precious angel, it would be the one day that both he and Gojo were away. Yaga cares more for the rules than Gojo or [Name]. That was one thing [Name] didn’t like about both Yaga and Nanami. They cared about the kids, but only to an extent. In their eyes the kids would die out or grow older but rules wouldn’t change, and Yuji’s life mattered less to them than the stagnant outdated rules.
The larger problem was whether or not [Name] was willing to face the consequences for not following orders from the “respected” higher ups. Then there was the whole issue of actual people being in danger and that wouldn’t go over well, not with the old assholes nor with [Name]’s conscience.
‘I fucking hate Satoru.’ [Name] thought as he set out to do actual work. Ever since he got sent on that mission he found himself caring for more and more people. If he was going to exorcise the curse and return to make sure Yuji and the others first years were all safe, he would have to race against the clock. There was no doubt in his mind that something was going to happen today and he knew Sukuna wouldn’t let Yuji die without a fight.
“What the actual fuck is going on anymore?? THREE FIRST YEARS WERE SENT TO DEFEAT A WHAT?” [Name] yelled into the phone
“A cursed womb”
“Say it as it really is Ijichi! They were sent in to fight a fucking special grade curse. They’re barely equipped to fight a second grade curse, and it isn’t as if having you there is going to help them much”
Ijichi flinched at that. [Name] only went for low blows when he was pissed, and it was obvious pretty soon someone would have to face his wrath. And because he knew what was best for his safety and peace of mind, Ijichi answered [Name]’s question before he asked
“I warned them not to engage a special grade so they should be fine until you get here. I lowered the curtain myself so you’ll be able to get in. They’re at Eishu Juvenile Detention Center”
“I’ll be there in 10”
[Name] would probably make it in less time than that but he always made sure to be careful with making promises. There was always a chance he would run into some issues on the way there. Grabbing his things, he set out for the detention center hoping Nobara and Megumi were okay. Yuji was stronger than those two, though Megumi could be a suicidal idiot at times. If things got anymore serious they’d let Sukuna out, but that would be a whole other problem.
“Ijichi, i’m here”
“Kugisaki is hurt. I'm driving back to the school.”
“If you’re driving back, why is the curtain still up?”
“Fushiguro went back in to deal with Sukuna who’s more than likely already taken care of the curse I recommend-”
[Name] hung up. “Fucking rule followers and their precious higher ups. And look what a mess I have to take care of” he said as he looked up at the curtain. He sighed and then walked through
“I don’t feel a curse- is that megumi” [Name] thought aloud
“He ain’t coming back” Sukuna teased “Don’t worry I’m in a good mood. Let’s talk”
“I’m not feeling particularly chatty” [Name] called out. Fushiguro and Sukuna turned to the second year in shock
“Fushiguro you should go”
“No. I’m not leaving you alone. And besides it’s my responsibility-”
“Do you think I’m here to kill Yuji?”
“I’m here to rescue your sorry asses. I was sent on a mission earlier and came back in a hurry to make sure you were okay. I’m a little sad I don’t get to meet the curse that hurt poor Kugisaki-chan but he’ll make do” [Name]’s voice became darker the longer he went on
“My fighting skill is nowhere near the level of Maki’s, but my cursed technique on the other hand… Don’t worry, Yuji’ll make it out alive”
Fushiguro hesitated. He trusted [Name], it was Sukuna who was the problem. The curse was cunning and took advantage of Fushiguro’s hesitation to enact his plan
“It seems he’s having a hard time changing back” Sukuna started “This must be a side effect of using me without restrictions. It’s most likely only a matter of time though… So i’ve been thinking about my next move.”
Before [Name] or Fushiguro could realize, Sukuna had ripped Yuji’s heart out, smiling as blood dripped out of his mouth and the gaping hole in his chest. The two of them froze. If he were at his best [Name] would’ve been able to stop Sukuna from continuing to monologue or even from swallowing another of his fingers. But he had defeated a first grade curse, dealt with the higher ups and rushed to the first years’ rescue within 3 hours.
Fushiguro seemed to follow the conversation as [Name] just stood there, his ears ringing as if he were standing too close to a bomb that went off.
“Itadori will return” Megumi said confidently “Even if it means his death. He’s that kind of guy”
And Megumi was right, [Name] knew of it. So he made a sacrifice. Fushiguro would have to deal with Sukuna while [Name] figured out what to do next. With two fingers Sukuna might’ve been able to resist [Name]’s compulsion. ‘No’ he thought ‘it would take a few more fingers before he was that strong.’
The both of them froze in place. There was a trail of blood running down Yuji’s chest but [Name] could tell Sukuna had done more damage to Megumi than Megumi had done to Yuji’s body
“Stay out of my way Megumi” [Name] said before looking in Sukuna’s eyes “Yuji, if you can hear me. I’m sorry”
“This brat’s not worth the effort” Sukuna smirked. He may not have been able to move but he was going to try and tempt the second year into losing his composure.
Sukuna began to gargle on the blood that was supposed to be pumping through Yuji’s body. Choking, he fell on the ground. Megumi’s eyes widened and he moved to say something but [Name] shot him a desperate, angry look picking up Yuji’s discarded heart shoving it into the empty cavity.
“It’s too late [Name]”
“Yuji?? No! NO! YUJI! SWITCH BACK I CAN MAKE HIM HEAL YOU”
“Megumi. [Name]. And Kugisaki and Gojo-sensei. Well I guess I don’t have to worry about him. Live a long life okay?” Yuji smiled as tears dripped onto his face
“I Heard A Rumor” [Name] whispered “That nothing happened and you were gonna be okay”
“What a nice rumor senpai” “Yuji whispered back before the light in his eyes faded
Fushiguro laid a hand on [Name]’s shoulder looking up to the sky as he tried to keep from crying. [Name] let out a pained scream shocking Fushiguro. Megumi wrapped his arms around [Name] trying to pull him up and meeting resistance Fushiguro just walked toward the exit before stopping. Without looking back he said “I’ll send Gojo to collect you both” and then walked off.
Gojo did come back to pick up the body and the shell shocked [Name] but when he showed up there was nothing there. As if the land behind the two had just up and walked away. Gojo wasn’t informed of [Name]’s rumor but assumed the boy did it out of rage. He was the only one able to wipe a location off the map so cleanly. What he didn’t realize that if the land had returned to its natural state as if nothing had ever happened, Yuji was bound to be okay
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Top 5 Characters in ANF Who Would’ve Made Better Love Interests Than Kate
There are a lot of mixed opinions on TWDG: A New Frontier. Some people like it, some don’t, and some people hate it so much that they refuse to accept as canon in the series. Extreme? Yeah, but hey, to each their own.
One thing that always bothers me when I do my replay of the series and this game is how much Kate is forced on us and even kinda punishes us for not romancing her. Like, no offense, but I’m not really interested in dating my sister-in-law, especially when her husband is actually alive, and even if she wasn’t my brother’s wife, she’s still not a character I have chemistry with, y’know?
And every time I play, I can’t help but think that almost anyone else in ANF would’ve been a better romantic interest for Javi over Kate, so I decided to make that the list for this week.
I would’ve loved more choices and for the game to actually show Javi’s canon bisexuality outside of a flirty line with Jesus that most players didn’t even pick. Just sayin’.
I do want to note that if you enjoy the romance with Kate and the relationship between her and Javi, that’s totally cool. Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean you can’t ship them, y’know? I’m not here to try to change your mind or tell you you’re bad for shipping something I don’t because I’m not a dingus. You do what makes you happy, friend. :)
Besides, going off the stats, a majority of players romanced her so if anything, I’m the weirdo. This list is just for fun!
Before we start, just wanna say a big thank you to @pi-creates for helping out with this one! Really appreciate it! Now, here are my top 5 characters who, in my opinion, would’ve made better love interests for Javier than Kate.
5. Jane if the writers didn’t turn her into a dead potato
Oh man, you should see your face right now.
Wait, wait, stop! Before you click outta here in a huff with your “Kenny good Jane bad” grunts and come yell at me, just hear me out-- this entry is mostly a joke and the other four on this list are serious, okay?
I needed someone to put at #5 and after talking over some options and going back and forth.... Jane came up as a joke and then kind of made the list. Because really, I thought about it. I was like, “Would I really rather have dingdong “whatever happens stay out of it” potato face Jane as a love interest over Kate? Do I dislike Kate as an option that much?” and Pi and I talked about this for a while and yeah.... yeah I would actually.
When I said anyone but Kate, I guess I really meant anyone.
Trust me, I know, I’m just as surprised. I guess this really says a lot about my feelings for Kate. I didn’t know I disliked her this much either.
But for fun, let’s entertain this idea of the writers NOT pulling the ol’ character assassination on Jane and she made it to Richmond with Clementine and AJ because--
Jane: "One time I ate glass because I was drunk and thought it was sugar."
Javier: "I gambled on my own baseball matches and disgraced myself for money."
Jane: “Well, I dragged my little sister around with me after everything went to shit until I finally gave her what she wanted and left her to die.”
Javier: “I wasn’t there when my dad was fighting cancer and when I finally showed up, I was too late and he was already dead, then he turned and I bashed his skull in with a piece of wood.”
Jane: “I shot a dude’s dick off once.”
Javier: “Oof. I insulted an old lady’s cake and then shot her eye out.”
Jane: “I screwed a guy when I was supposed to be securing a place for some lady to have her baby and it resulted in the death of a teenage girl.”
Javier: “I screwed my brother’s wife.”
Javier: “In my defense, I thought he was dead.”
Jane: “That’s fair.”
Clementine, exasperated and emo: “Oh my god.”
....I mean... we might be onto something here, c’mon--
Okay, now onto the more legit entries.
Now listen... I know, okay? I know. I know this one can be seen as a bit problematic considering the fact that Conrad, in his grief and anger over Francine’s death, held a gun to Gabe’s head and threatened Javi and Clementine.... plus Javi can literally murder him.
...and if you don’t do anything, Conrad with murder both Gabe and Javi and you’ll get a “YOU ARE DEAD” screen...
But we don’t talk about that because it’s not canon.
I know, but listen... I’m allowed to have ships that are difficult, as are you, and this is my list so... there.
If Conrad was a love interest that’s the route I’d take because I love him and I think a relationship between him and Javi could’ve been so damn good if properly done.
I just find Conrad to be an interesting character with a great arc that you only get to see if you don’t shoot him... which is what most people did, so they missed out. And like, I get it, I get why y’all shot him but maybe next time you play, you could consider not doing that?
So here’s the thing, Javi and Conrad share something-- they both lost loved ones because of shithead Badger. Javi is heartbroken after Mariana’s death, Conrad is devastated after Francine’s death, and they both handle that in different ways. Conrad becomes so focused on revenge and getting into Richmond, that he’s willing to threaten two kids in order to get what he wants but the thing is... that’s not him.
He even says so himself when you keep him alive-- he genuinely apologizes for what happened and will end up coming back to save Javi’s life in ep4. The potential for this to work as a relationship? It’s there... the only problem is that my confidence in the writers handling something like this is low, but let’s pretend they used their time and brains wisely-- ya got yourself a classic slow-burn friends to enemies to friends again to lovers romance and I’m here for it.
3. Paul “Jesus” Monroe
A lot of people really like the idea of Javi and Jesus and wanted him to be a romantic option, and I don’t blame them. They have chemistry in the scenes they share, and Javi can straight up flirt with him at the end of the season, and it’s super cute... of course, I wish we had more but Telltale was too scared to actually show Javi’s bisexuality outside of that one line, I guess.
But, anyway, this ship has a lot of sweet fanart that we love to see.
The only real reason he isn’t higher on the list is that Jesus is apparently already in a relationship at this point? I guess? From what I’ve been told? Listen, I don’t read the comics, I don’t watch the show, I just go off what y’all tell me. Plus, I believe Kent joked about Jesus having someone in each community during the commentaries so like... that’s a thing?
But let’s pretend that we throw that all out and Jesus is single and ready to be in a committed relationship with our boy Javier here. Like I mentioned above, these characters have a believable chemistry from the moment they meet and I think that has a lot to do with how charming they are by themselves. Those different charms work well together.
I also enjoy how much of a badass Jesus is when it comes to fighting off walkers. Javi has a lot of force that you feel with each hit, while Jesus almost has a lighter but just as impactful hit? I dunno if I’m explaining that well-- basically, Javi strong but Jesus can bounce off walls and do cool shit with weapons that feels effortless.
It’s a combo of fighting styles that I love, so these two fighting together? *chef kiss*
There’s also Jesus’ morality and how he wants to see Javier make “good” decisions, y’know? Sure, he gets pissy if you murder the shit outta Badger, which is mostly just Telltale showing you consequences, but I get it. He sees a lot of potential in Javi, more than Javi himself sees. And unlike certain characters, Jesus doesn’t completely hate you for doing something he doesn’t agree with to a frustrating degree.
If the game gave us the option to pursue Jesus as a love interest, he and Javier would’ve been such a badass couple with a sweet romance.
This one might come as a surprise to those of you who know my feelings about Eleanor... as in, I don’t like her. I never forgave her for the shit she pulled in ep4/ep5, and now every time I replay ANF and she shows up? Well, all I really hear is the hissing of a snake.
But, putting those feelings aside and looking at her from a different perspective, I do believe that she would’ve made for a better love interest than Kate assuming that if you romanced her, she wouldn’t rat everyone out to Joan, y’know?
Hell, most people believed that Eleanor was going to be the second option with Kate back when the episodes were coming out, and for good reason. The chemistry is there in the flirting, and their relationship could’ve been super cute.
Of course, Eleanor being a love interest also comes with things becoming awkward with Tripp, but c’mon-- as awkward as pursuing a relationship with your sister-in-law and never telling your brother after finding out he’s alive? Nah, I don’t think so.
Plus, for the first three episodes, Eleanor’s not a bad character. In fact, she’s pretty damn likable, she deeply cares for the group and wants to use her medical skills for good.
And you can tell through the dialogue that she and Javi are fond of one another... well, I guess until they shove the Kate thing in our faces and suddenly Eleanor’s like “oh, I thought you two were a thing??” like... Eleanor, we were flirting and I totally rejected all of Kate’s advances last episode I mean??
If she were a love interest, instead of turning on us, she would... y’know, not do that and instead help us out. We have a couple cute moments like back in ep1 where she’s patching Javi up but this time with a smooch? Super cute.
Okay but seriously, why wasn’t Tripp a love interest?
He’s the perfect option. I just-- uuuughhhhh.
They already have a great believable bromance, so why not take it a step further and make it an official romance? Oh wait, that’s right, ya gotta kill off 95% of your determinant characters, I forgot. Sorry Tripp.
Well, fuck that. Out of all the other adult characters, Javi has the most chemistry with this man. I believe them more than I believe him and Kate. Sure, they got off to a rocky start the progression of their relationship felt natural with every episode.
That scene where Tripp is confiding in Javi about his feelings for Eleanor? And in turn, Javi can confide in him about Kate? One of my favorite scenes. I only wish there was an option to tell Tripp he can do much better and set the path for the romance.
Seriously, I’d probably feel more okay about the romance with Kate if Tripp were the second option. That way, Kate wouldn’t be so forced onto the player, the writers confirming Javi’s bisexuality on Twitter or whatever wouldn’t feel like they were trying to earn points without actually showing representation, and we would’ve gotten the beauty that is Javier and Tripp.
Also, then Tripp could make it to the end without dying that dumb death of his that no one likes.
And if I haven’t convinced you yet, then look at these swaps Pi did--
--and tell me they aren’t fucking perfect?? You can’t, because look at them.
Where’s my Tripp route, Telltale??
-If I wasn’t sticking to just ANF characters, Luke probably would’ve made the list because that’s apparently a popular combo and I dig it.
-Pudding... because Javi fucking loves pudding.
-Honestly Max probably would’ve been a better love interest than Kate oof--
So, whattya think? Do you agree with this top 5 or nah? Do you have a favorite Javi ship? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you. :D
Next week’s T5F
Top 5 Times Lee was the Absolute Best
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(disclaimer: not fully endorsed, not fully thought out, mostly my thoughts/rambling)
on not liking people/helping people I don’t particularly like/what to do when people need help and you are there
(disclaimer: I had some wine and am a little tipsy, also today was a really anxiously sad day so I am extra emo)
I have been recently called out on an incoherent ideology on helping people I dislike by both Katy and Marissa. Should I help people I dislike? Should I help people that hurt me? (what if they help others?) (what if after receiving help they will be less hurtful to others? can I still be “me” that I like and say no to giving help that i know i can give? can I let someone know I dislike them and still help them? would they be as open to receiving help from someone that Openly dislikes them?
something I am not sure how I should feel about: I often end up helping/overextending myself to people that I don’t like AND that don’t like me, should I stop this? is this actually bad?
reasons why I feel this is a good thing;
1. asking for help is always a good thing. I don’t believe in overusing the word always but I think it applies here (besides situations where the ‘asking’ is manipulative and indirect and involves giving a reason why someone should or must help them). i want to reinforce that, create a world/environment around me where that is the norm.
2. me not liking someone is not a good reasons for someone to not get the help/resources that they need. would it be better if they received it from someone that they liked/that liked them? probably. but right now, they for whatever reason feel comfortable asking me and not someone else, there is probably a reason for that, and there is probably a deficit of some kind that is driving them to ask me. if i have the resource, be it time, tutoring, emotional labor, validation, etc....
3. reputation/safety for strangers/people in general/my friends/people I do like/love. maybe the fact that people know that if i can help someone I will, regardless of their standing in my life makes me a safer person for people, makes me someone who is NOT prone to take a promise back based on my feelings. i am an emotional person in general and i often worry that this causes people to be anxious that it would affect my decisions regarding them.
reasons why this is a bad thing;
1. my friends/people i love the most in the world get fucked/screwed over/deprioritized. my biggest regrets in life, those that haunt me still are situations where i prioritized the wrong people/myself and people i love got hurt/didn’t get the help they needed/wanted, and didn’t ask because they knew i was already overextending myself. i can name many people in this category including all my closest friends/people i love most today. at one point or another, i let them down, I wasn’t there for them in the way I wanted to be because I got emotionally burned out and partially it was due to this phenomenon.
2. it leads these people to trust me (this is not necessarily bad because I haven’t blatantly/destructively betrayed/acted against their interests) BUT I do think it creates a somewhat false sense of security, especially if the help they are asking for is emotional support and validation. there is something iffy about giving it to people to actively dislike. (is it morally wrong to bitch about them to your friends? even you don’t share friend groups?) maybe? somewhat? it leads to them planning for you to keep being a support in your life, even if you never explicitly state that and don’t offer help unless it is requested, this is bad and leads to them not reaching out to other sources that would be more stable supports
3. it leads me to feel used. this is bad because i update my world view that people interact with me because of what I give not who I am/that people don’t actually like me. this is bad because it leads me to be less likely to make new connections/be vulnerable/let people help me. This also creates MORE emotional labor for people who are part of my emotional support to validate me/remind me that i am not just a tool/etc, this is unfair.
There are more reasons good and bad but that is what I have for now...
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glory hole ɪ ½ | m
— characters : akaashi x f!reader x yamaguchi
— genre : smut
— words : 4.6k
— warnings : metions of alcohol, oral (m. receiving), gaging, choking, bad language, possessive akaashi (???)
— note : this took me way too long than i expected and i’m SO SORRY FOR IT!!! i was really trying to write it asap but college- yeah, that word itself is very self-explanatory. but summer semester started so i have much more time for myself and to write!
this is basically chapter one but from yams’ and akaashi’s POV; just their feelings, how they got there and- there’s no new smutty part YET.
Akaashi's saturday nights were mostly stereotypical - playing games, watching movies, catching up with his classes, or reading a book with a glass of wine nearby. but it's not the opposite of changing it a bit, doing something else, adventurous, youthful. to make sure his weekends weren't always the same, he had bokuto here to sparkle his life a little bit. he always brightened the world for him, whether it was an ordinary party or a year of traveling around the world. the latter was unplanned and perhaps beneficial, as it was quite pleasant to meet the man he once played against in his high school years in the first week of college in the school corridors. even though they were at training camp and nationals together, they never got as close as they did now.
even Yamaguchi was happy for a man he somehow knew and met him before. during the first two weeks, they became quite close friends, went to the library together, spent their evenings playing games, or just talked. Tsukishima will always be his true friend, always standing by his side even though it might get on his nerves, but they were happy for each other. however, graduating high school divided them and everyone went their separate ways. it's not that they don't text or go to the court to hit the ball, but seeing each other once a week or two was more enjoyable and comfortable than being at each other the whole day.
the two of them began to get to know each other better, to deal more with the things that bothered them and were in their heads, and it was not appropriate for them to say or write on the phone. perhaps the entrustment should be left for later, not rushed, otherwise, things that no one had to know could come to the surface, keep them for themselves. Akaashi didn't even know where it came from for Yamaguchi to confess so much and deeply. telling someone intimate things like wanting to try a glory hole was a little irrelevant and weird after a month of acquaintance. but what surprised him was the approval of Yamaguchi. was the bottle of beer one to blame? does yamaguchi know what he's talking about? does he know what the glory hole is?
he learned the answer right away, as his curiosity kicked him and he asked the questions that flew through his head. yes, he knows what glory hole is. a hole in a thin wall or partition where you stick your cock through and someone on the other side, someone strange, will gladly blow you out. quite unhygienic and impractical, but someone just likes to do it. however, this way opened the gates of more things to the surface. more desires were told and launched out. what about threesomes? yes, but under certain circumstances and conditions. anal? simply not. pegging? not against it. BDSM? no, he doesn't like pain himself, and causing it to someone else was inappropriate. gang bang? no.
the whole situation came out funny to Yamaguchi - that one bottle of beer definitely affected him (he felt tipsy) and the fact that his innocent image was here and there. why should it be weird to know about sexual stuff? he is a boy, a young boy, he wants to live and the fact that he looks and a lot of people see him as a shy or innocent boy, does not mean the normal human activities are something strange to him. why should he hide something that simply isn’t true? he has the same needs as any nineteen-year-old boy and the world of porn sites will teach you enough. and the hands of yours can be your friends anytime.
college life was something new for both of them - new environment, new people, new life opportunities, taking risks, trying out new stuff, and meeting bad decisions. this halloween party was their first college party. it would be the best opportunity to meet new people and enjoy a little more fun before the rumble around exams begins.
the halloween party is organized by a fraternity from the university they both go to. this fraternity was known for its wildness and gawkiness. no one ever knows what they have prepared. not a single party organized by them is the same, each is different in something. dark themed party? checked. blue cup party? also checked. crossdressing? done. halloween themed party? a tradition.
the party was in full swing. people danced, sang, drank, smoked, had fun. there were a lot of unknown people they had never seen on campus and people who they met here and there in the hallways and lessons. and among those people he saw you; at one moment you danced with all your friends with whom he often saw you. the next moment you were sitting on the couch with Azume on your lap and Tame next to you. and with Miko- seeing you with Miko made his blood boil. his possessiveness over you was slowly taking over him.
he would never say you were like that. you seemed to be more shy, reserved, and quiet. together with yamaguchi they had two lessons with you and both developed a small crush on you. you were smart, you saw between the lines, you were interested in things that a normal person would not notice. your appearance was- it was ordinary, but somehow you were attractive, you caught their attention. your commonness was the most attractive.
with a cup by his lips, standing in the kitchen next to the crowd, which was the second-biggest contribution of noise right after the music playing from the crowded living room, he watched the bustle in front of him. the main point of it all was miko on the kitchen counter, and you as you were towering over her laying figure. her hand was wrapped around your right thigh, a palm hidden between your thighs. if he focused properly, he would see her palm sliding up and down your thigh. well, after the announcement to get ready to start, Miko whispered something in your ear and patted your ass, after which you just smiled and bend over her crotch. he watched you with predatory eyes - how you take the lime in your mouth, empty the shot without slightest retreat, and how you use your tongue to collect all the salt on her body. he wished he was the one you were sliding your tongue over his body, trancing and marking it. he could directly see you exchanging a few kisses with miko, mixing your bitter saliva with hers. maybe the jealousy of the latter filled his mind - why she had to touch your ass, why you kissed her, why he couldn't get your attention.
with an empty cup tossed on the floor, he scattered to the living room, where after a moment of searching he saw Yamaguchi in one corner of the room talking to one of his classmates. he walked briskly toward him, grabbing his arm roughly and pulling him into the empty part of the room. Yamaguchi didn't know what was going on, and he was beginning to worry about what Ykaashi's eyes looked like right now. his eyes were fixed on someone, but he didn't know who in the crowd. they also had strange darkness in them, his lenses were as small as a pin's head and they could definitely burn him to ashes if he just beeped something.
Akaashi stared at you. he watched you push through the pile of people and your steps lead to the stairs. where he needed you. he tugged Yamaguchi's sleeve again, making him follow his steps in the same direction where you were going.
"where- what are you doing?" Yamaguchi stammered, finding the whole situation uncomfortable. Akaashi was too fast, so he stumbled a few times, spilled a drink on someone, and shoved someone, who gave him ugly looks before stopping at the stairs leading to the first floor. even though he looked up and stared in the same direction as akaashi, he couldn't understand exactly what to focus on. a top step covered in puke, an emo girl, a boy with a cop suit, two kissing boys, someone with a blue wig going around them, two black garlands with flashers wrapped around a gray railing. he turned to Akaashi again, unable to recognize what he was looking at. what's wrong with him? is he ok?
"y/n," the black-haired told boy beside him matter of factly and finally let go of his sleeve, which his fist was crushing the whole time. "she definitely goes to the bathroom. glory hole." Yamaguchi was shocked. did he really just say glory hole? what was he rattling about? he must be completely out of his mind.
"what glory hole? are you crazy? what the- we should probably-"
"no," Akaashi cut him as he slowly began to walk up the stairs. "if you really want to make your fantasies happen, we have to move while she's still in there." Yamaguchi put one foot on the first step, doubting whether to follow him seriously or not. he had heard a few times that this fraternity had special toilets that were perfect for these parties. toilets with holes in the walls, glory hole. well, he didn't know if it was really true, and he never even cared about the truth. it was his first time visiting this fraternity so of course, he didn’t get a chance to find out if they’re really that freaky as everyone keeps saying.
"i don’t kno-"
"fuck you, tadashi," the black-haired man shouted, and the people on the steps near them turned to him, but immediately returned to their previous activity. "are you going, or are you chickening out?" they didn't have much time to think; either both of them were going or just one, but Akaashi wasn’t the one leaving. he really wanted to do it, perhaps he has never had a greater desire in his life than this. and to top it all off, when it was to be with you, it can be an even greater experience. the outcome of this all could be the benefits of being friends with you, maybe you could even hit it off, and could be asked to do some things. but it's probably better to be anonymous and do things with your eyes closed.
he wasn't waiting for Yamaguchi, he couldn't waste time wondering if he was really going or not. but he wouldn’t let this opportunity pass his fingers. he walked up the stairs at a faster pace, one turn to the left, the second door. he took a deep breath before putting his palm on the cold door handle, which he squeezed down with a clenched fist right after.
"how do you know she's there?" Yamaguchi spoke quietly beside him. he didn't even notice when he caught up with him. he just grinned triumphantly to himself and shook his head, making his cervical vertebrae crack. with a shrug, he squeezed the doorknob again and opened the door. all that could be heard in the room was the quick fastening of the straps, the chains, and the click of heels on the ground. akaashi stepped to the door on the left, leaving Yamaguchi to the right. each of them took quiet but deep breaths and sailed into the cabin.
Yamaguchi felt sick. was it fear? was it nervousness? was it cowardice? he wanted to do it, it was his little fantasy he never told anyone except Akaashi. but now that he knew it was about to happen, he was afraid. he was close to throwing up all the remains in his stomach down the toilet bowl by his right side. he began to sweat and breathe deeply. his knees and hands shook. he panicked. he didn't know what to do.
"hello?" it was only after he heard the akaashi voice, which was suddenly an octave lower, that his condition improved a little. his eyes fell on the cabin door. rule number 1 - no name-giving, no speaking, only greetings. what should he say?!
"h-hi," he stammered in a high-pitched voice. what now? he panicked again. his right hand reached for the hem of his pants. with his middle finger and forefinger, he grabbed the button, which he released with trembling fingers from the eyelets and quietly undone the zipper.
"hey." your trembling voice spoke, followed by a minor blow to the wall. it quite frightened yamaguchi, his courage to go for it seriously, and his slow preparation to begin this experience stuck. what is Akaashi doing on the other hand? is he already in? he wanted to chuckle at the thought but was stopped by the sound of spitting on some surface, making a shiver run down his spine and his dick twitching. this could only signal one thing - he's already in the hole.
he quickly took off his green boxers, which fell to his ankles alongside his pants. his dick was semi-hard. he placed both of his sweaty palms on the wall, one deep breath, and aimed his member at the hole, praying to be already over.
Akaashi, on the other hand, enjoyed it incredibly. at first, he could tell you were hesitant and didn’t know what exactly to do, but the next moment when you picked up the courage, your lips and palms wrapped around him were amazing. he was holding himself to nut right here and there. you knew which places could be more sensitive and bring him quickly to his mind-blowing high. tongue running along its entire length, palm firmly pressing it. perhaps all this real thing was better than his imagination had ever allowed; of course, the reality was better. he had the urge to pull your hair, making you gag on his dick but all he could do was clench his fists, creating half-moon shapes into his palms, and resting his head on the painted partition.
he could feel the delight, that warmth of his high that was so slowly spreading all over his body. you were blowing him so well. but he needed the push to bring him there which would lead him to splash out on your tongue. with his head resting on his hands against the wall, he saw through his half-lidded eyes the blue-painted nails that ran down his length. his breath caught in his throat and he started twitching in his dick.
"fuck, oh s-shit," he moaned more loudly than he wanted, eyes blissfully closing, head on his hands now tilting back and mouth opening to form small ‘o’. he quickly pounded on the wall as he was slowly cumming. your hand and mouth began to work on it even faster, taking it deeper into your mouth and choking on it. your sighs, moans, and lewd sounds coming from your mouth could be heard in the room that added even more to the intensity of his orgasm.
he painted your mouth in white. god, it was his most intense orgasm in his life. his sexual experiences weren't numerous, but he couldn't do himself as well as you just did.
after you milked his dick dry with your mouth, he pulled away from the partition that separated him from you and leaned against the opposite wall. while was catching his breath after the best experience and the most intense orgasm of his life, he buttoned his pants.
his head was full of thoughts, and he was too busy with how it would all be now. will he confront you about what just happened? he has to- no, he left those thoughts for later. with his head clear and replaying the last 10 minutes in his head, he walked quickly to the bathroom door, where he was waiting outside for Yamaguchi.
all your attention shifted to him now. one hand playing with his testicles, the other running down his length without difficulty, your lips encircling his tip. he felt euphoric. his virgin ass couldn't stand it. how the fuck was he supposed to endure what you were giving him? he wanted to last more, enjoy it all, gets drunk on your attention, but he couldn't keep up with you. he was too close to stopping now and starting thinking about something else, you were superb for that too.
he began to get louder, his legs started to tremble, and sweat dripped slowly down his back and along his face, his eyes turning back to his head. he knocked quickly on the rung, perhaps too late.
“cum for me baby boy, cum-”
his dick twitched in your mouth, white liquid shooting onto your tongue. he began to bite his right index finger, his finger slowly began to blush, his hips bucking up, your lips milking him dry. fuck, he could felt how you hollow your cheeks even more around him. empty thoughts fogged his head. he didn't think about anything but how beautiful it felt to do it with someone else, not just with his right hand or rubbing on his bed covers and a pillow.
after the last pump of your fists around his dick, he pulled away from the hole and buttoned his pants with trembling and clumsy hands. get out of here quickly. he began to breathe deeply, but his breathing stopped in his throat as a hard blow of a palm landed on his back right after he got out of the small room to the hallway. he leaned forward on his knees and looked behind him in confusion. behind him there stood a dark-haired boy, a grin plastered on his face. he just shook his head and gasped for breath, walking faster toward the stairs.
"hey hey, what are you doing?" Akaashi barked, following him right after through the crowd of people that was somehow bigger than before. it was a little bit after midnight. Yamaguchi's footsteps led to the kitchen, where he looked around until he saw a black bottle of Jack Daniel’s. he caught the neck of a transparent bottle with a brownish liquid inside firmly in his palm, bringing the opening to his mouth and taking a big gulp in which the liquor started flowing out from the corner of his mouth down to his chin and falling onto his green sweater in small droplets. "didn't you want it? why are you mad at me? wait wait, you can't- ”
Akaashi tried to stop him, arms freezing in the air as he watched Yamaguchi cough and pound his left fist on his chest. it burned him, terribly much. he placed the bottle on the counter and leaned against it with his right hand. with teary eyes, he looked up into the living room in time to catch you running down the stairs after Miko, who was a short distance away; she was dancing with someone.
the view of you was- somehow arousing to both of them; perfect makeup now smudged, rhinestones more on the ground in the booth than on your face, eyes full of tears, red nose, and swollen lips. you said something quickly to Miko, after which she revolted, but after your assurance that everything and you was fine, you went to the living room, for Anzu and Tame, with whom you exchanged passing kisses on the cheeks accompanied by a hug.
the expression on your face was confused and absent; it was clear that your answers were also short and you thought you were somewhere else. even from the stupid walk, it was obvious that something was happening - you stumbled and your legs did what they wanted. it was as if you were trying to run away from someone, to hide.
the two of them watched you closely, and only after you slipped out the front door into the courtyard did they both take a brisk walk outside. Akaashi's long strides were followed by Yamaguchi, who was still trying to catch his breath and stop the unreal burning in his throat. you set a fast pace for them as well, you were almost running, the sounds of shoes hitting hard asphalt could be heard through the street.
“wait, wait! i’m trying to talk to yo- don’t fucking run,” Akaashi breathed and stopped which also made you stop. he put his hands on his hips, breathing heavily. you froze, and they both sensed you wondering what your next move would be. will you turn and look them in the eyes? will you run away? “i just wanted to thank you for the- for the thing you did in… in the bathroom. for me and my buddy over there. ”
silence. you continued to stand like a statue, one would think that he was watching a stopped picture in a movie. it took you a moment to turn to them slowly. with your slow turn, you looked at them through red eyes, various emotions passing through your face; fear, confusion, awareness, hopelessness, defeat. even the atmosphere around you was unpleasant, dense to suffocate.
"yeah- yeah, we're… uhm, we're grateful for- for what you did. it was very good, not that i have- sorry," Yamaguchi stated to break the silence, but his efforts were steamed with a look from Akaashi. he just bowed his head and folded his joined hands over his lap, wrapping himself together. he smelt from Akaashi that he should be silent and leave everything to him.
"i- i don't know what you're talking ab- about," you swallowed quickly, then laughed nervously. Yamaguchi took a step closer to Akaashi to hear you clearly. well, in the end, they both took smaller steps to get closer to you, but on your part, it was more of an attack, and your instinct forced you to take steps backward. it was as if you were playing the act of prey and hunters; you were a weak poor antelope and they were strong and mighty tigers who tried to shoot you down and make you their expensive prize.
the dark-haired young man scratched his neck. are you really playing them? why don't you just tell the truth? after all, you know each other, you could say that you are on your way to becoming friends. “don’t play stupid now. you actually know what we're talking about,” Akaashi let out a throaty laugh, putting his hands in his pants pockets. it was obvious that you were nervous about it.
Yamaguchi felt sick to his stomach, again. that's not how it should have turned out; they only wanted to admit that it was the two of them, but they definitely didn't want to push you into a corner. this was a big fail. he wanted to step in, break the silence, relax the atmosphere. he grabbed Akaashi's forearm as he saw him walking after you taking bigger steps this time, tearing him apart. akaashi has gifted a confusing and steaming face from to Yamaguchi.
“why are you so sure it was me? where’s the evidence?” you stopped walking and turned back to them, your blue wig moved a little to the left. you looked beautiful- fuck your demolished state. Yamaguchi’s breath got caught in his throat at how breathtaking you were for him; tousled wig hair, smudged makeup, red tinting your face, looking like a character from a very fucked up fairy tale.
Akaashi huffed, freeing himself out of Yamaguchi's grip. he had to play this out, they can't say they basically stalked you, they had to come up with some convincing lie that would make you admit that you weren't careful and let it slip. “probably your painted nails in blue. or that chainring you have on your left middle finger. anything else to convince you? ”
a look of fright landed on your face. you glanced at your left hand; chainring and nails painter in the color of blue. there was no turning back, they already knew. the green-haired was surprised at how quickly the man beside him could come up with a lie so quickly so as not to reveal that it was all along with a plan you had unwittingly followed. he was good. and he had to support Akaashi somehow - preferably another lie that would fit into his. “wait- have you really seen it?” Yamaguchi whispered. was it enough convincing?
"then- even if it was me, does it matter now?" both could hear the despair in your voice. there was no point in lying when they both knew how it really was. even your attitude has changed to desperate. they probably fucked up; they thought how it might bring you closer, how a new friendship might form. hell, how could they think that? it was complete bullshit.
“can we walk you to your dorm?” Yamaguchi spoke softly. once they got here, it would be foolish to let you go alone.
you ripped the wig and net from your head, which prevented the wig from falling from your head, both rotating and walking towards your dormitory. the boys looked at each other: Akaashi triumphant expression on his face, sadness covering Yamaguchi's face. at the same time they began to move, and a moment later everyone was walking by your side. akaashi put his hands into his pockets, looking at his black shoes; Yamaguchi was playing with the hem of the green sweater, stepping uncertainly. the clatter of heels sounded down the street again, your arms crossed over your chest, the wig being pressed hard in your hands.
“are you cold? i can- ”
“no, it’s okay,” you mumbled an answer to Yamaguchi’s question. it was obvious that your thoughts were still in the bathroom stall. you went side by side with someone you just blew. it could be said they were no strangers; you knew them from school, but apart from the fact they were probably the same age as you and you knew who was who, you didn't know anything else.
there was an awkward silence over you, the atmosphere was thick, you had nothing to say. none of you knew how to start a conversation that could be held the whole route to your dorm. you did really well, but you could have bitten me. it was my first time, i gave you my v-card.
"you can go back. i don’t want you to accompany me,” you shifted, putting more speed into your steps. the two remained in place, exchanging glances, asking if they could hear and see well. Akaashi slowly began to disperse that he would disobey you despite your order, but Yamaguchi stopped him with his hand on his chest, with a silent i get this walking to you.
“wait wait wait,” he spoke a little louder so you could hear him. you stopped in your track, waiting on him to stand by your side. “uhm, i thought you could give me your number or- no, i’m sorry, i shouldn’t, good nigh-”
“give me your phone then,” you cut him off mid-sentence, your palm facing upwards, again waiting on him till he put his phone on it. he quickly snaked the phone from his right pocket, handing it to you which you put your phone number in with no label to it. with your number and the fold still opened, you smiled at him and he took his phone from your cold palm.
“good night to you, too.” he was awestruck. he’s in love. is it marriage time already?
Akaashi was fuming; the scene before him unfolding was something disgusting to his eyes. why did yamaguchi get your number? why not him? why was so special about the greenhead? did you just smile at him?!
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🎨 me tooo ♡
!!!!!!!!! suddenly i am unable to read. (like wtf how am i supposed to pick one???) OKOKOKOK i was promising myself not to write essays again but well, i can’t change who i am lmao.
THIS ONE - this man istg. he’s out there wrecking me 11/10. besides the fact that you have literally accumulated the cutest moments, can we talk about your coloring....??? you made his lips are shade that i would definitely buy as a lipstick 100%. no but really, i love how your coloring just accentuates his best features. it’s so nice and well balanced. i stan.
AND THIS ONE - i’m all emo for this one holy shit. i mean besides the fact that the song itself hits me in my feels every damn time i can’t get over the fact how your coloring (especially the emphasis on the dark colors) just makes it so much more emotional lmao. this set got me invested my friend lmao.
+ THIS - I AM SCREAMING. this is so cute and adorable and cute and ADORABLE. ALSO I HAVE EARTH TONES AND I LOVE HOW YOU KEPT IT SO SOFT AND LIKE NEUTRAL AND JDSKJDKLSJDKLSDJJKLSD PLS
& THIS. this gifset is a goddamn color palette.
HELLO???? THIS ONE - i.... no. i love the cool tones so much especially since this is from their song blue & grey (duh! i see what you did there) hdjflsdkfsf i love this pls i am out of words jesus.
also this is besides the point i know BUT YOUR HEADER? AM. IN. LOVE. 🥰
creators send me 🎨 & I’ll tell you my favorite of your last ten creations and why
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Hide and Seek, Detective! - Saiouma Fanfiction
It was beginning to feel like every interaction they had was an elaborate game of chess, going back and forth until neither of them even had enough pieces to win, and no matter how hard Kokichi tried to run away, he was always pulled right back into the crossfire in the end. So he continued playing, shoving forward with all his might and choosing to ignore his low chance of winning, too afraid to admit that even just one slip could lead to catastrophe.
(continuation to my other phantom thief saiouma fic: Cat or Mountain Lion)
Kokichi prided himself on two very important things: intelligence and his no bullshit policy, both of which he (quite obviously) needed a lot of during his time with Miu Iruma, his unfortunate former roommate. (He was the unfortunate one, of course!)
Former being the keyword, because as of earlier that day, their reluctant partnership was no more. On any other occasion, Kokichi would jump for joy at the very idea of being able to go through his day without a filthy whore following him around like a chihuahua in heat. But alas, as much as he hated to admit it, Miu had been nothing less than his saving grace ever since she took him in. After being kicked out of his former apartment for disrupting his neighbors, he’d had nowhere to go and no place to call home. (It wasn’t his problem they weren’t awake to view his beautifully vibrant firework. Maybe they should start getting up at four in the morning instead of three in the afternoon.)
That was when Miu swept in like the real superhero (or not) she was and saved the day with nothing but an extra room key and stripped mattress! It truly was a shame she was just as bad of a roommate as him; all it took was one conversation with her boyfriend (who was definitely a robot, although he’d never tell her that) and she kicked him right back out onto the streets. Seriously, did she want him to starve or something? She was more of a bitch than he thought she was!
But no matter; for a supreme leader, especially ones as genius as himself, always came prepared! Besides, it wasn’t like he’d been planning on staying with that bitchlet forever. Only a few hours after being thrown into the cold and he was already walking down a whole new hallway, skipping past apartment room after apartment room to find his own. He really was a blessing in his trashcan of a planet, wasn’t he?
Compared to other apartments he’s stayed at, this one was just heavenly. With bright white lights lining each wall and a red rug covering up what was probably a grotesque floor tile, the whole thing almost seemed too good to be true.
...Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end at some point. (Apparently, some sooner than others.) This point was only further exaggerated when he looked up from his bright blue suitcase and locked eyes with none other than the detective from just a few nights before.
Now, Kokichi was known for being many things: a supreme leader, thief, occasionally little shit. One thing he’d never been called, however, was a pleasure to talk to. Well, he thought cheerfully, plastering on his best grin, there’s a first time for everything!
So, with no regard for the room plate that he’d definitely missed by then, he skipped right up to one Shuichi Saihara and waved an open palm just inches away from his face. “Hi!” he chirped, tilting his head barely two centimeters to the right. (He knew the exact measurement because he checked, of course. All great plays required at least two perfect rehearsals, did they not?)
Said Shuichi Saihara jumped at his voice, despite having been watching him the whole time. “Uh–“ he mumbled intelligently, eyes wide and jaw dropped. If he had a tail, it would most certainly be puffed up like a bullfrog’s chest, curling up around his legs as if it was the proper substitute for a shield. “Um, hi?” He sounded more like he was asking a question than introducing himself, bringing his hand up to drag an ugly-looking hat over his eyes.
Kokichi didn’t say anything for a second, simply scanning him over. There was something different about him, he was sure there was, but he couldn’t place it for the life of him. Maybe it was the lack of a starlit night, or perhaps it was his very obvious change of clothes? No, no, that wasn’t it. Sure, the overly long black boots and too-loose t-shirt was new, but not weird. Or maybe it was…
Aha! “So you’re emo!” he exclaimed aloud, snapping his fingers. That certainly got Shuichi’s attention, causing him to stand up straight and laugh awkwardly. He sounded like he was coughing up a hairball, lips curled inwards in a defensive yet not quite angry manner. More than anything else, he looked… scared. That’s not like Saihara-chan, is it?
“No, I’m not,” he said, his voice like a strangled cat. Hearing this only made Kokichi more interested in what exactly was making him act so much differently than usual, curiosity bubbling under the surface of his skin and spouting through his thin shirt in spurts. In the night, Shuichi was more confident than any detective he’d ever met, albeit a little bewildered. He never hesitated to talk back, no matter the circumstance. Now, however, there was only one thing his awkward demeanor could be related to: a cornered raccoon.
“Huuuh?” Kokichi drawled, leaning so far forward their foreheads nearly touched. “Are you seriously going to lie to me? Wow, what a neighbor!” This close, he couldn’t find it in himself to pay very much attention to the eccentrics he was babbling about, instead opting to scan his face for any more evidence of discomfort.
Under so many bright lamps, he could see everything the cover of darkness hid, from the way his eyes shined gold in the light, to the faint splattering of acne that sat on his upper right cheekbone. Unfortunately, though, Shuichi nudged him away before he could even begin his investigation on the curvature of his nose.
“I’m not lying,” he protested, eyebrows pinched together inquisitively. Now that was the face Kokichi had become so used to facing! “Where did you get that idea?” Kokichi could just barely see his nose scrunch up under his hat, mouth twisted downwards. If he had half a mind, he’d have called the action cute. (But, as many were already aware of, Kokichi was none other than a genius chosen by Mother Nature herself, so he kept his mouth shut.)
“Yes,” he countered pointedly, “you are! So mean!” And cue waterworks in three — his bottom lip began trembling — two — tears bubbled up beneath his eyes — one. Like a fire hydrant, he exploded, face red and cheeks wet. “I just wanted to introduce myself to my new neighbor and this is what I get! God, you’re terrible,” he stuttered between sobs, rubbing his nose with a limp wrist.
Shuichi jumped forward before he could finish his sentence, hands waving frantically, voice raised significantly. “Stop, stop! I’m sorry!” he yelped, eyes shining with something that could only be described as pure guilt. For just a moment, Kokichi said nothing, staring him up and down and allowing the tears to dry on his chin. Do I have the right person? he wondered, intertwining his hands. This can’t be the same detective I know.
The evidence was right in front of his face, and yet he found himself subconsciously trying to skirt around it. There was just no way that somebody could be this two-faced! (Besides himself, of course, and maybe that mutt, Miu.)
After his momentary shock, he plastered a grin right back onto his face, taking a few wobbly steps backwards in the process. Whether it was an attempt to escape or sell the innocent look, even Kokichi himself was unsure. “Just kidding!” he chirped, tapping his finger to his chin as if in thought. “It was a lie. You know, cause I’m a liar?”
The look of confusion didn’t fade from Shuichi’s face, but he did relax by a smidge, shoulders easing and mouth twitching. “That isn’t funny,” he muttered, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I really thought I hurt your feelings.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Kokichi waved his hand and turned around, beginning to make his way back to the room he’d been assigned. “Well, guess what? I don’t give a shit! So I’ll see you never,” he lied easily before pulling the door open with one last tug. He stumbled backwards from the impact but got his bearings quick enough, crossing the threshold and slamming the door closed with his foot.
When he was kicked out that morning, he’d expected many things; some were him being turned away from at least fifteen different apartment complexes — he turned out he was right about that one — others were a thousand people lining up for his very own autograph. (That one definitely didn’t happen.)
What he had not expected, however, was to come face to face with none other than the too-hot-to-not-be-a-social-experiment boy who Kokichi might as well call his rival at this point, let alone to end up his semi-permanent neighbor.
It was beginning to feel like every interaction they had was an elaborate game of chess, going back and forth until neither of them even had enough pieces to win, and no matter how hard Kokichi tried to run away, he was always pulled right back into the crossfire in the end. So he continued playing, shoving forward with all his might and choosing to ignore his low chance of winning, too afraid to admit that even just one slip could lead to catastrophe.
With a sigh, Kokichi dropped his bags by the door and collapsed in the kitchen, resting his forehead between his knees. “Well, Mr. Detective,” he said to no one in particular, a smirk ever growing on his face. “It looks like the game just got a little more interesting.”
Stealing jewels and diamond rings was all good and dandy, but without the adrenaline that came with being chased, none of it was worth it. (Unless you count his obvious tendency to evade taxes, which he most certainly does not.)
So, despite the obvious danger such a position was bound to put him in, Kokichi decided to stay. Just for a while, he promised himself, all while squishing his cheek into his knee. Just for a while, and then I’ll scram. That’s not a lie.
But he already spent the money on this place, hadn’t he? Kokichi might as well try to live a little before dissolving into the abyss of silence and late night rendezvous. Yeah, that’s it.
I guess I’ve got some work to do.
I hope you enjoyed the fic! It was a pleasure to write Kokichi's perspective. There's just something really fun about altering my own style to fit another character's, especially one as eccentric as him. Plus, Shuichi's switch from work mode to regular day mode was an interesting subject to touch on.
Thank you to my betareader, sayaka's literal wife, @she-on-the-aqua-isles (tumblr)!!!! She was a big help with both editing this and telling me to get off my ass and write. Apparently, withholding Kirigiri with actual pants is very affective.
My tumblr is xxxbookaholic if you're interested! I mostly post for A3! Actors and DRV3!
Have a nice rest of your day/night.
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Hello! I saw your post about playlists and I have a request for a vibe!
🎵 + When you're feeling really disconnected from yourself but also sort of angry at everything and then your cat comes and loves up to you and you're still angry and sad but you're also filled with so much love for this teeny tiny animal
What makes this ask so awesome, is that not only it is a really interesting vibe that I just felt in my heart on 6 different cosmic levels, but it comes with a full blown 5 act structure, which I will be more than happy to indulge... especially because telling a narrative arc with strategically ordered songs is my favourite thing about building a playlist.
When I was thinking about where to begin, I felt like the only genre that can truly encompass the range of emotions contained herein AND even the cuteness of a cat, was none other than emo. Am I right or am I right? But I have to confess, I'm not super familiar with the emo scene, cause when it happened, I went through a phase of listening to very little to no music. And like I said, I cannot accurately pinpoint musical genres because I just sort them in my head completely differently, so... this playlist has maybe like one or two songs that are actually emo, I think(?) and is not so much emo overall as much as "Songs that made me feel like what I thought emo should feel like". However I do know that some emo bands like to have one foot in metal and the other in electronic music, so this is what created the backbone of this playlist that holds it all together - an electronic and/or industrial metal streak. Fingers crossed that this will be up your alley.
I made a spotify compilation of it all but I also linked the individual songs thru youtube in case someone doesn’t use it.
Every Day is Exactly The Same - Elektrik People
I consider this kind of a blatant choice in my neck of the musical woods but if there has ever been a better song written about that very emotion that you were talking about, I haven't heard it. I offer it to you now like a special gift directly from the playlist of a very personal OC who himself has some issues and dissociative tendencies. Yes, I'm talking about my OCs I'm projecting onto of whom nobody fucking asked, because I don't want to make this too personal, what about it. Don't we all? And yes, this IS the Nine Inch Nails song, but I chose this version - and tbh I like this one better than the original, with all due respect to Mr. Reznor - because the soft, slightly slurring vocals and reverberating instruments really make it sound as if I myself were hearing it through a disconcerted haze.
X - Hatari
I put this song in as a kind of segway between the previous song and the next; it's like a moment of coming-to, a realization of one's true pain that was blocked before, and includes all the disillusionment, hatred, and grief that it entails, but is also still kind of... catchy, in a way? If you will.
Buried Alive - Otep
And there we are, the true, unfiltered cacophony of negative emotions, spoken in their full and direct brutality. What really gets me about Otep every time, is that besides some of her lyrics just being genuinely great poetry, she can speak the most simple, emo, generic words with such incredible cadence that you quake as you feel the emotion in your veins right there where she's at.
Look, I might be a little bit biased, but when you're asking me for trauma induced, frothing dissociative rage, I'm definitely thinking of Jonathan Davis, because let's be honest, no one brings it to the table like he does. That's just objectively true. There is no shortage of such musical numbers in KoRn's repertoire but as opposed to some of their maddening, blunt and grunge-like earlier sounds, I decided to bring something from their newer catalog, which encases the madness in a cleanly yet jagged, cutting-edge electronic shell, and thus will fit in with this playlist very nicely.
Teardrop - Massive Attack
So I asked myself, "Is there a song that makes me feel the emotion of touching extremely soft fur and would fit into this playlist" and I immediately knew that this song would be THE perfect answer. I wanted the shift to be as sudden as possible, but at the same time still a little bit organic, which is a high expectation but this song has an almost KoRn-like chord progression just in major instead of minor. I couldn't have invented a better one if I tried.
Neon Gravestones - Twenty One Pilots
Okay, I'm not even going to make any jokes about this or anything. I think this song is a really brutal confrontation about a very heavy topic, and the biggest takeaway that I want you to have from it is that, I think, there is a point at the bottom of your hopelessness where you HAVE to make a conscious decision to move upward even if you don't feel like you can do it or whether it's even possible, before the healing can start. And sometimes it really be like that.
Bring Me The Horizon - Can You Feel My Heart
Note that after the Soft Cat neither of the songs are really as unhinged as we started, and that is for a reason. I think that this song must have been insanely popular at a time, sorry about that. I swear, I'm trying to make choices that are not too obvious but it felt like it would just hit the right emotional beat. I think you can read a lot into these rhetorical questions, in the song I mean, but the cord progressions always make me feel a certain opening up to hope through teary eyes.
Suffering You - 16 Volt
At the end of it all, by any means I wanted to end this playlist on a positive note, so here we are. There's just something about this song that gets me every time. It leans into its own early 2000s proto-emo roots with such a sweeping, unapologetic confidence. This song be like "You're goddamn right I'm a fucking whiney little bitch with my depression and unprocessed negative emotions, you wanna fight about it? You wanna take it outside?" What else could I have for it than respect? The rhythm is mercilessly pumping, the riffs are almost bizarrely catchy. I wouldn't necessarily call this song positive on a surface level, but it always makes me feel weirdly upbeat. Once you read into it a bit metatextually, this song is the pinnacle of depressed but reclaimed power, an almost fashionably earworm-like rallying cry of healthily channeled righteous anger. I actually almost put it at the beginning because I think playlists should begin strong - I like to make playlists that either sweep you or slap you on the face with the very first chord lol - and I think this song, almost literally slaps. However I immediately realized that no, this cannot happen, not this time. This song cannot be at the start because this is exactly the goal where I want you to mentally arrive at.
Okay, enough of the playlist infused therapy session. I hope you had some kind of positive takeaway and maybe even some songs you didn't know before. Now go and stick it to the man!
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Maybe possibly arguments with techno/sapnap 👀👀
what arguing with technoblade would be like
song recommendation: white mustang - lana del rey
+TW; angst, slight mention of abandonment
he’s not very serious in small arguments
doesn't think that small things are worth arguing about
so in this case, you’d have to bring up a fight
and he’d just be like
“oh, come on now.”
cause he honestly just doesn't want to deal with petty little arguments
but, he doesn't take any bull from you
so if you were getting all up in his face about something
he wouldn't hesitate to “fight back”
he can get pretty pissed if you're just purposefully turning it into something much more dramatic than it needs to be
let’s say you two were headed back to the car mid discussion after having gone someplace
and he’s just like;
“just get in the car, we’ll talk about it when we get home.”
but you’re not having any of that
so you just stand there with your arms crossed
and wait for him to get out of the car
because you're sure as hell not getting in
but instead he just lets out a long sigh
“y/n, if you don't get in, I’ll leave without you.”
and when you still don't move, he rolls the window up, and drives off
making you even more pissed than before
so you go to walk all the way home
after about two minutes, he’s driving in the car slowly beside you
rolling down the window before yelling;
“y/n, will you just get in the fucking car!”
and when you get all “you had no problem leaving me before. what’s stopping you now?”
he hits the breaks, gets out, and drags you into the front seat with him
and from then on it’s just a heavy, intimidating silence from his side
until you finally apologise to him
and he goes “you’re lucky I love you too much to leave you out here. because trust me, had you been someone else, I would've.”
but really, he wouldn’t ever leave you there to just get back by yourself
just tries to tell you that he doesn’t like when you start pointless battles with him
because he really doesn’t like it
small arguments like these happen rarely, though
as I said before, he wouldn't be the one to start it
so unless you like starting arguments with the blood god, well- 👀
other than this, it’s basically just harmless bickering between you two
like an old married couple
which is just kinda cute in my opinion
moving onto heated arguments…
I’ve got two words for you;
I mean, seriously
he will just be standing there, waiting for you to be done with whatever you had to say
and when he responds, it’s usually with short sentences
and a dead glare
he never really raises his voice at you
but is very good at making you feel guilty if you said something that was implied to hurt him
will just stare at you
looking as if he had taken no offence to what you had said, but rather uses it as a way to show you that you had gone too far
by using the power of silence, of course
even though your words do hurt him deep inside
when you're actually, completely done talking
he’ll have a whole ass script in his head
and it’ll be just so precise and greatly worded to the point where you were doubting if you were in the right
the thing that makes such “heated arguments” heated, is base on what they're about
and usually, it’s a sensitive or serious topic
for example, sometimes he can get very closed up
and just completely isolate himself from you
because that’s just how he naturally is
and that can just really fuel something inside of you after a certain amount of days
making you confront him for being so distanced from you
which is where he gets defensive
depending on what kind of person you are
it can also have go the opposite way to start an argument
like if you were also a pretty isolated person
or if you were trying to get him to talk to you to the point where he’d just get really pissed off at you
that can lead to these types of arguments as well
and these are only a few examples
with that being said, techno really hates arguments
like, he despises them
he hates the extra stress and frustration it builds up for both of you
like, this man rubs the crease between his brows so many times during arguments, it’s actually crazy
he hates arguing with you because all he wants is to just hold you
and love you
he just hates the fact that your differences can get so in the way of things to the point of arguing
but eventually he just realises that that’s how relationships work
and you two always find a solution to your issues anyway
so at the end of the day, it’s not so bad
he still get’s those cuddles and kisses, so he’s happy :)
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January 25 2021
Societal Contribution to My State
I feel like writing a lot today it seems. I feel like I should touch on the idea that family alone is not the only contributor as to how I am now.
As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in a religious/homophobic/racist/conservative town. Thankfully I didn’t turn out like any of my “friends” mainly due to my heavy involvement on the internet at a young age. I don’t like any of these people and I seriously wish I could have real friends. I did end up making a lot of internet friends that come and go throughout my lifetime simply because that was my best resort.
Growing up in this town was a piece of cake but it definitely did its damage for all the reasons you wouldn’t really assume. I actually grew up as the kindest child there without a doubt. Compared to my classmates, I was an angel among men. I did not shit talk my classmates, I gave people presents, I let people borrow my things, I was nice to everyone (and I mean EVERYONE), and I overall only said nice things about other students because at the time I’ve only ever known the basic kindergarten principles for a long time (be nice to everyone, treat everyone how you want to be treated, etc.).
Within my friend group, they would stand within the school corner and talk about how much they didn’t like this one friend who they all ended up really liking later in life and I ended up disliking this person. This seemed to stick as the last time I was with my friends they were shit talking another friend who hadn’t really done anything “wrong.” They hated her only on the basis that she was “annoying” but the only thing she ever did was repeat her stories because she felt like nobody was listening to her. I was the only person who ever bothered to listen to her ever it seemed.
These were all worthy contributors but it did not pack enough punch. From the very beginning, I would be chosen by the group to play the role of the villain in every single made up game. This concept continued on and on every year. I never wore anything that was emo or did anything that was particularly “dark” but I was deemed the dark one my entire life. I was jokingly called Satan by my Christian peers on a yearly basis and it came to the point where even the teachers played into the idea that I was some kind of dark evil kid. My old choir teacher had an entire song version that was played in a dark-like theme with my name slapped to it (which all the younger students learned as well).
So they villainised a child. I seriously don’t know how else would they expect me to grow up? If you villainise the child, the child is going to grow up a villain. And that’s exactly what I did. Eventually the title ate at me and I broke in the 6th grade. I was already an unhappy child and pretty much depressed at the age of 9 so it really wouldn’t take that long for me to embrace the title and just show them what kind of person I could be.
The once loving and kind child grew cold and was on the search for chaos. I spun different tales and did what I pleased, yet a part of me couldn’t completely let go as I had listened to everyone and what they were saying. I had some pity for those kids who were considered “weird” as they were talked about as if they were no longer human beings. I found a level of sympathy as it was often brought to my attention that my classmates didn’t think I was human either and I mean quite literally. I’ve had a couple or so classmates go up to me and say what they thought I was. I’ve heard demon and Satan a few times, Satan’s significant other, skin-walker, a god, and finally an alien. Even those who thought I was a human being were not immune to the attitude it brought as I was dehumanised completely.
This did not help with anything and so I suppose I only got worse as my title was further being pushed on me. With all things considered, I didn’t want to turn out this way at all. I wanted to be accepted, to be human, and overall I wanted to be a friend. I was stripped of most things. I have no real friends, I am no longer human, I am not accepted, and there was no family. The only thing I really had was my villain title and I guess it never went away.
I was not a bad kid at all. I had good grades, I did well in all my classes, and I was easily the best English student of that school. All things considered, I was at a college reading level in the 7th grade so I was already ahead of pace. I lost all interest in reading and now I kind of hate it. I can’t imagine anyone reading all of this. It’s way too much but I have a lot of trouble fitting my words into small bunches with accurate descriptions. I never got in trouble either. I was a good kid and my teachers loved me. Even those teachers that everyone hated because they were super strict and harsh.
I was a very capable student. I could write very well, I had advanced placement for math, I could draw a lot better than any of my other classmates, but I honestly didn’t like any of these things. I used to but they faded out with age and I was just left with the most useless set of skills I’ve had in a while. All my teachers have relatively high hopes for what I can become but I always had different ideas in mind.
From the bare eye, there’s not much of anything that you could see that indicated I was troubled. I looked like an accomplished student and I was successful. Of course, I’m not keeping up that game anymore this year. I don’t read any of the lessons and I cheat on everything. I am behind in my classes and I’ve gotten grades in the Bs rather than my usual A. I seriously can’t keep up the act anymore. It’s finally caught up to me and I’ve let it go. I am thankful for corona as I have been given the tools to just let loose and no longer see anyone that I know.
I would like to believe that it’s clear to others who read this that I am self-aware. I know my issues, I know who I am, and I know exactly how I got here. There actually isn’t anything wrong with me besides the murder “box” that is defined. It’s the only part where I have ever wavered in morals and ethics. I am able to indicate that things such as rape are very wrong and I should never do it but for some reason I am not able to process that murder is wrong. My brain simply won’t comprehend the concept.
This isn’t the person my younger self ever wanted to be and it’s not a person I want to be now. I am quite sorry that my younger self didn’t grow up the way they expected to. I am sorry for those who I have hurt and those who I will hurt in the future. If I ever end up killing someone, I will be the most apologetic to them as nobody deserves death. If I end up killing myself, I am sorry to those who are inconvenienced and I’m sorry to myself who I let down completely. We were going to live a normal life, have pets, experience things, and have fun with others. I’m really fucking sorry it turned out this way.
Just like we used to - Creativitwins
Word Count: 1851
I haven't seen many Creativitwin one shots so here's one I wrote with some fluffy platonic Dukexiety because they were definitely close friends once and I love their dynamic. That being said enjoy the story!
Remus blew the white strand of hair that had fallen on his face away. He looked around, pouted then sighed. There was nothing to do. Thomas was busy writing scripts for the newest Sanders Sides episodes so Roman was with him, and on a creative streak too, so it was safe to say that he would pretty occupied for the rest of the day.
'Hmm. Maybe I'll find someone in the common room,' Remus thought to himself. Surely there would be someone there that he could bother-I mean-talk to. As he walked over to the core sides' part of 'The Imagination', Remus noticed that the sun was shining brighter than usual. Thinking that it may be because of his brother, he smiled at the thought. Though he had been accepted as one of Thomas' sides, Remus' relationship with Roman was still a little strained and, though he had never openly admitted it, he wanted to desperately repair it with him, because he missed the times when they used to play together and fend off the imaginary demons and monsters that tried to threaten them. Still, Remus grinned subtly at the thought of his brother calling out random ideas and jumping out of joy at them... just like he always used to do.
When he opened the door, Remus found Virgil sitting cross-legged on the floor, tending to his hoodie.
"Oh, hi Re," he greeted as he looked up.
"Hi," Remus replied quietly. Virgil's eyebrows furrowed at the response. It was very out of character for Remus not to be so loud and flamboyant so hearing him speak like that immediately concerned him.
"Hey," Virgil said softly, standing up. "What's up?" Remus shook his head as he walked away to sit on the couch and Virgil followed him mutely. Instead of reclining back, the dark creative side leant forward, rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the carpet. Virgil said nothing and only stood there in front of him, waiting for his response. He knew Remus would tell him eventually but now he didn't need to be pestered about it; he just needed a few quiet seconds to gather his thoughts, and the anxious side understood that.
"I..." he said eventually. "I've just been... thinking."
"Thinking? About what?" Virgil asked, feeling an invisible wave of deja vu wash over him.
"Roman and I." Virgil's expression dropped and his eyes filled with pity. For years he had been silently watching the two brothers grow further and further apart and it honestly broke him to see their relationship become reduced to nothing. They had once been so close and practically inseparable, until one day, for some unknown reason, they stopped talking to each other. It was like seeing your two best friends become strangers over night, and no knew why. And whenever Virgil or any of the other sides had attempted to reunite them, or at least talk to each other again, both Roman and Remus resented the idea. They had just suddenly started hating each other... and no one knew why.
However, over the past couple of months, Remus started to warm up to the idea of making up with his brother. It was evident that he missed him dearly and he couldn't deny it any longer. He just... didn't know how to say it.
"Have you tried talking to him?" Virgil inquired after a few moments of silence. Remus laughed half-heartedly at the suggestion.
"You really think he's going to want to talk, or even listen to me after all this time?" he said, still looking at the floor. Seeing his friend like this disturbed Virgil, but not in a bad way. He hated seeing him like this and it was times like this that Virgil genuinely missed Remus' usual wacky-self.
"Don't tell him this," the anxious side started, sitting beside him. "But... Roman does talk about you too." Remus' eyes widened in surprise at this; he hadn't expected that at all. "A lot actually."
"Oh. I thought he hated me."
"No! Gosh no! Remus, Roman misses you just as much as you miss him," Virgil exclaimed, placing a comforting hand on Remus' back. "Do you know the number of nights he's spent complaining to me about how much he's been hating himself for pushing you away? Seriously it's been exhausting," Virgil sighed, leaning back on the sofa. Remus bit back a smile.
"He really misses you Re. And he's been wanting to talk to you again for so long, but he doesn't, and I quote, 'know how to put it into words'. But secretly, I think he's waiting for you to say something. And I get that you've probably been waiting for him too but... someone's gotta make the first move." Remus bit his lip in thought as Virgil spoke.
The idea of speaking to Roman again secretly terrified him. He didn't know how he would react, what he would say and most of all, he was scared that he might say something that would put an even bigger strain on their relationship, and that was the last thing he wanted. Remus was infamously known to be the side with no filter.
"How will I know what to say?" he questioned.
"You'll know, trust me," Virgil said and Remus nodded. "Hey, take it from me. I'm the most anxious side here and I managed to tell Roman how I feel," he joked, causing Remus to laugh. He smiled at his old friend warmly and pulled the emo into a tight hug. Virgil raised his eyebrows in surprise at this but soon hugged back.
"Thanks Virge," Remus said softly and Virgil smiled, knowing that he wouldn't see.
"Just, one thing," he said again as he pulled away.
"About you and my brother." Virgil couldn't stop the blush creeping onto his cheeks. He cleared his throat and tried to compose himself, although he feared what would come next.
"You guys haven't fucked right-" There it was.
About two days after Remus and Virgil had had their conversation, Remus finally found his other half alone in The Imagination. He was sat under a tree humming quietly to himself with his eyes closed and letting the gentle breeze play with his chocolate brown hair. He looked so peaceful there alone that Remus almost turned away because he didn't want to disturb Roman, but it was now or never and he probably wouldn't get this opportunity again anytime soon.
Hesitantly, he walked over to where the creative side was. Hearing the rustles in the grass, Roman opened his eyes and immediately stopped humming when he realised who was approaching him. He looked down quickly, trying to avoid eye contact and when Remus sat down by his side, he averted his gaze in the opposite direction.
The two brothers sat in silence for a couple of minutes, both of them afraid of what to say, although one concealed it better than the other.
"Roman?" Remus finally said, but Roman continued to stare blankly into the distance even though his eyes weren't particularly focused on anything. "Roman. Roman please. Say something to me." Still, he got no reply. Looking up at the tree leaves above them, the duke remembered a fond memory.
"This tree... it was our favourite one in The Imagination," he started as he looked to Roman hopefully for a reaction. Nevertheless, nothing. Roman refused to even look at him, yet Remus tried one last time. "I remember, I remember you accidentally pushed me off that branch once," he said as he pointed up into the luscious green leaves. "Then I brought you down with me. Patton had to bandage us up."
Realising that he was getting nowhere, Remus got up to leave, defeated and saddened. He was right. He should've just listened to himself. Of course Roman didn't want to speak with him. He should've just left him alone and save him all of this embarrassme-
"If I recall correctly," said a princely voice behind him, making Remus whip round instantly. "You pushed me off, and I yanked you down with me."
"What? No. I pulled you down, you-"
"No, no, no. You wanted to climb to the very top of the tree so I helped push you up but as we walked across the branch, you lost your balanced and out of instinct, you grabbed the thing nearest to you, which was my shirt, and pulled me down, causing me to fall with you," Roman replied firmly as he stood up with a smug smirk etched on his face. Remus laughed quietly and Roman smiled kindly, before placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Then, the dark creative twin swallowed and took a breath before asking his question.
"Roman, we were so close. What happened?" Roman's face dropped. Turning away, he fidgeted with his hands before coming back to face his brother, whose face was plastered with sadness, and possibly even guilt. Roman had never seen him so vulnerable and he hated himself for it, knowing he was the reason for all the pain.
"I don't know. Suddenly one day, I woke up and something was telling me that I couldn't see you anymore. It was like I was scolding myself for being with you all the time. But now I've been scolding myself for not spending time with you," the prince laughed. "How ironic."
"Oh, yeah. I know," Remus said in his signature voice, lifting the mood a bit. Confused, Roman looked up.
"Yeah. Virgil told me. He told me not to tell you but I told you anyway," he cheekily grinned. Although he was quite annoyed with Virgil for allowing his brother to hear about sensitivity, Roman couldn't help but smile when he noticed Remus' old antics return to him. The way he talked, the way he moved, the way he thought; Remus really was the side with no filter.
"Oh I'm gonna murder him," Roman gritted through his teeth. Hearing this, Remus' face lit up.
"I'll gladly help!" the duke offered mischievously, pulling out his morning star from behind his back. The other brother took out his sword and smirked with a raised eyebrow. This was the first time they had both brought out their weapons together for fun and a tsunami of nostalgia hit both of them like a storm; they could tell by the looks on each other's faces that they really missed this. Sighing contently, Remus offered out his hand for Roman to shake.
"Brothers?" But instead, Roman dropped his sword and pulled Remus into the first hug they had had in 20 years.
"Just...one more thing," Roman said as he pulled away and Remus continued grinning. "Don't actually hurt Virgil. You know how I feel about him."
"No promises," Remus replied with a wink. "And yeah I know exactly how you feel about him." His brother nodded happily, satisfied with the answer. But the moment didn't last.
"And how you felt him," the duke giggled as he ran off.
"Wait R-Remus what? WhAT? REMUS WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
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being 💫 b e s t i e s 💫 w/ tanaka & noya
— note : a quick hc from me before finishing some things i want to post in the future. this is so random, but i really want tanaka and noya to be my friends. will makes myself emo by this. there is a slight mention of the deed- very minimal, tho. just two sentences. so if you find it distrubing, don’t read. hope you enjoy it~~!
being besties with tanaka & noya will include (in no particular order):
— you don’t use your names, only nicknames
— the nicknames for you are usually cute but for you, they are weird and creepy (panda hands, sleepy head, mamas)
— they find theirs funny (simps, tangy, tanya, yucky)
— everyone in school knows you as “the holy trinity”
— if you’re the smart one, expect them to steal your homeworks and copy them - sometimes they change a few things (but you have to kick them to it), sometimes they don't and that makes teachers know what is going on because having 3 identical homeworks, with the same mistakes in it … not very smooth guys.
— it's not always tho, but it's very often (like 4 times a week)
— everyone would expect you to be at the principal’s office every day all the time, but nope
— you actually know how to act
— sometimes you have to calm them down otherwise- yeah
— they get scared and cut their activity they were doing whenever you look at them with this weird, almost like kageyama gaze
— there for sure were times where you actually headed to the principal’s office
— but since then, you know your placesbut is it different after school
— what friends would you be if you weren't hypemen to each other???
— let's say you play for HS girls volleyball team (or whatever your club activity is)
— they'll be sitting in the first row, loudly cheering your team on with those big a$s posters above their heads with cheesy saying …. uhm
— have nothing on my mind rn
— but they’ll be so sparkly, full of glitters, you faces cutouts, some drawings
— they also add some of your phrases that only you three know
— your inside jokes
— new match, new poster
— they don’t throw them away, they stock them and sometimes write at the back of the posters if the match was successful or complete fail
— you'll be so embarrassed, trying to ignore them because it's very distracting but in the inside, you're very happy that they're here for you
— the same goes for youyou may not be as loud as them and not have those big posters but just your presence there is the most important thing
— if you can’t make it to each other’s matches, you know you’re thinking about them having a match and silently cheering them on in your head
— and you give each other a little lockets
— it’s not always the same locket
— sometimes it’s a little plushie, it can be a bracelet, even small pecks on cheeks
— just small things you can keep while playing
— I DONT KNOW WHY BUT THIS NEXT THING IS SO NOYA AND TANAKA FOR ME
— you’re each other’s firsts
— first kisses, first hickies
— first relationships
— maybe even first times, who knows
— you were dumb … you were stupid ... you were young
— it was awkward
— you didn't know what to do, how to act, where to place your hands
— is this the right way? is this how the condom roll down? is the right hole???
— it was messy
— actually, til this day you sometimes make out but only if you’re drunk or tipsy
— i believe tanaka is a good kisser and noya is good at giving head
— you heard me right
— thinking about it makes you all blushing and laughing but you’re treasuring these memories
— i mean, it’s always better to lose it to your best friends to same random weirdo
— party without you three is soooo boring
— you always uplift the atmosphere
— you don't care how other people see you
— what they think about you
— you’re just having fun!!!
— but also, the ending is not so very good because you usually have to take care of them two even if you yourself is a bit tiPSyyy
— basically, you are the mother of the group
— biTCh i’m a mother, no DRAMA >>> you
— they wake up with a hangover the next day, you wake up with a sore body because you have to carry them home and they are pretty heavy (one body is okay but two? no, impossible)
— it’s so hard when one of them is barely walking and the other one is just wobbling on his feet like a newborn lamb
— they make fun of you (why are you laughing huh???) but deep down they’re so embarrassed because
— they should be taking care of you, not you of them!!
— you sometimes joke that you and tanaka are the parents and noya is your little baby boy
— at one point in your friendship, one of the boys had a crush on you (it’s up to you- want it to be tanaka? then it is tanaka!)
— they were sooooo crushing on you, it’s unbelievable
— they would look at you with those heart eyes, would even be your chair if you wanted to sit but there was no surface to sit on
— they were WHIPPED for you
— and they weren’t hiding it
— can you see them crushing on you? dont care, they want you to know
— eventually the crush came down and when thinking about it, they are denying it
— but they still very much like you and would do anything for you (not just like your best friend tho)
— you have this special place in their heart
— you’re also their weak spot, but shush
— you all have weak spots for each other
— they sometimes take advantage of you being a girl to get to kiyoko
— you’re sometimes teasing them because you get to spend a lot of time with her
— see her nakey nakey - no
— she tells you her secrets, her girly problems
— and if the boys see you talking to her and laughing, they are ready to kill
— on the spot
— like, they’re ready to pull out that knife and cut you
— they are so crushing on her that you like to mess with them
— if one of you three is sick, you don't hang out until they’re better
— it’s not because of the germs or bacterias
— like yeah, you still have that one remaining friend but it’s not that funny and so enjoyable if one’s missing from the holy trinity
— it’s not holy trinity then
— that’s why your phone bills are so high
— because i see noya being sick a lot
— so that means you facetiming or just calling
— you are able to ft all day long
— you don't have to say anything, just the buzzing and rustling on the other side somehow brings you the feeling of having them beside you
— TIKTOK VIDS WITH THEM ARE LIKE, THE WORST BUT ALSO THE BEST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU
— you know those videos about p€ni$es ???
— that guys can tug them in or that they don’t feel anything past the tip?
— if you do-- you’re dueting them and watching their reactions
— plus points for showing it to you
— JUST KIDDING, or???
— your friendship is this open and free
— if you’re trying to record one of the tiktok dances, they’ll be in the back, hyping you up
— or just messing around in the back
— because dAMNNN, you got some moves
— doing WAP dance challenge is challenging to watch for them
— cause once again dAMNNN
— videos with them are so messy and sooo out of place
— they start nicely, but end badly
— they always end up with one of you hurt
— you truly show you’re gen Z
— you have a gallery fold just of you three
— the pics are gold- they’re blurry, you sometimes don’t know what it is, what the author meant to capture
— you love going through it when you’re feeling sad
— WHICH brings me to the fact that they are the bestest friends you could have ever asked for
— because no matter what, you still stuck together
— you can’t picture your life without them because they bring so much joy into your life
— they’re your little vitamines
— if you’re sad, or insecure, they’re trying to give you space until you tell them otherwise
— they’ll bring your favourite snacks, movies, they would put on your favourite outfit of theirs
— THEY WILL HYPE YOU SO MUCH YOU JUST FORGET THAT YOU’RE SAD
— YOU’RE THE LOVELIEST, THE FRIENDLIEST, THE PRETTIEST (yes, you are), THE SMARTEST, THE FUNNIEST PERSON THEY’VE EVER MET
— HOW COME YOU’RE SAD? WHY? WHY IS THE REASON? WHO HURT YA?
— they are ready to whoop someone ass
— if they hurt you, they’ll hurt them real hard
— they’re just one call away
— got problem? they ready to solve it
— so to summarize it all
— being besties with tanaka and noya is just the best and most adorable thing
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Izuru, Hajime, and Kirumi x SHSL Military General
· Boring. That was what he had thought of you at first. You had no new talent he didn’t… and yet, despite your fearsome rumors, it seemed all those under your command adored you. He already knew it was not the cliché case of ‘oh you just need to get to know them’ nor you were secretly going about your work in a cult like fashion. No, there was something else, and he decided to snuff it out.
· “It’s been several days now. If you wish something of me you need but speak, or at the least walk by my side. How much longer do you plan on tailing me?” You stopped in your tracks, turning around to face the man who was but a few paces behind. Both your expressions perfectly stoic, blank. “As long as it takes to find out why everyone loves you. That was my initial objective. But you’re boring. You’re nurturing. Your tone alone is enough to compel others to follow your lead, to not disappoint you out of respect. Now… I want to know why you’re different from me.” You needed but a glance to find your answer. “The difference… I thought a being exactly akin to myself, a person made to be a weapon would already know that.” You walked a few paces, stopping right before him. It was as if he were a statue, not moving at all as you cupped your hand on his cheek, the smallest, softest, kindest of smiles pulling at the corners of your lips. “Good luck old friend. Even with a luck talent you’ll need it.” You then walked away, Izuru following just a few paces behind.
· “Come now. If you’re going to stick around, work out with me. Surely, you’ve figured out by now that simply observing me, you’ll not get the answers you’re seeking.” Still, Izuru simply stood beside you as you were finishing your pushups atop that mountain with the sky just barely starting to show the signs of a new day beginning. “Why do you speak with me casually, unlike all others? You don’t even speak this way with those you call friends.” “I simply find it natural to speak this way with one so harmless. Just as I find it natural to speak with others in a more formal tone.” “… Harmless.” Hopping up from your pushups you began your climb back down the treacherous mountain. “You find Komaeda to be a weapon of mass destruction, and me, harmless? That’s incomprehensible.” “To you, perhaps.” You kept going for a few moments before deciding to give him some extra help. “You’re an innocent child, myself before I became who I am now, before I rejected the idiotic notion of a weapon being more powerful than man.”
· He pondered over that brief conversation for a long time. Man being more powerful than a weapon. He knew you were not speaking of how man creates weapons and are the ones who use them, so…
· “Oh! Hey, Y/N! So, your sidekick finally decided to join us!” The first day Izuru had begun to follow you, you stopped him when going for those nightly training sessions saying he would either participate or go away because you were not going to allow any bystanders. All nights after he’d disappear at some point as you made your way to meet up with Kaito and the others. But he stayed by your side that night, training with the others, giving you and Maki a run for your money when it came to endurance in these exercises.
· “You’re making everyone uncomfortable just standing in the corner. Come play with us.” Izuru did as told and joined the card game you were playing with your classmates.
· “Izuru, teach them how to set up the stall, while I take care of matters here.” He helped out your class set up for the school festival.
· “Huh…” Truthfully you were half expecting Izuru to show up to the beach his usual suit and not swim trunks, let alone playing volleyball with the others already.
· The others had already left back for school, the field trip long done, but you stayed behind to fit in some of your own exercises… Izuru did as well. “So, finally out of your emotionless emo phase, or are you still insisting everything is boring?” “… I thought by copying you I’d find why we’re different.” “And have you?” “…” He actually thought about it for a moment an answer not immediately puzzled out in his mind. “I’m still gathering information.” “I see.” Seems he was growing up faster than you did, then again you didn’t have anyone to help guide you.
· For a long time you continued your stretches. “I must admit though, I thought it’d take longer before you’d take this first step.” You stopped, beginning to jog in place, slowly picking up your pace. “This world, with how awful it is, I still find it boring myself at times. But that’s not the good part of it all. Being alive. I’m anticipating to see what you’ll find in people. For me, it’s not a certain aspect of them, but everything. True, humans are creatures of patterns, but focusing on the individual… seeing them as people and not objects, or weapons, or patterns… seeing what they actually are…Connecting… that’s my answer at least, why I gave up being you, a husk intended to be a weapon. Humans no matter how they try, can’t be anything other than human. A human being… strange and funny creatures I find us to be at least.” You placed a hand on his shoulder, lightly chuckling to yourself. “Be sure to tell me when you find your answer. I’m sure someone skilled in more than war will find something I could never hope too, and that sounds exciting to me. But for now, back to training.”
· Then you dashed away, down the shore, to that brilliantly bright sunset.
· And he ran. He didn’t even think about it. He was still unsure of what he was doing or what exactly he was searching for, but… something inside him was calling out to you, he just knew he needed to be with you. So he was going to keep chasing after you and perhaps one day, he’d figure it out and finally walk beside you.
· To Hajime, each and every last person who manage to be invited to the academy was an amazing person. How else could they be described? They were individuals who all had already changed the word in some way or another, but there was one individual who arguably made the largest impact to the world, more than any present or past student, the Super High School Level Military General. Nothing of their personage was known, a complete mystery, not even their name. They were solely known for their accomplishments, a child, seemingly appearing out of nowhere quickly rose up through the ranks, becoming a general, and swiftly putting an end to any war they touched. Wars still appeared, but not long and they’d appear putting it to an end with little life being lost, most countries began fighting in less direct ways because of this. What else could they do? The fighting did stop, but not the conflicts that were the root of them. Still, putting an end to so much fighting so quickly was unimaginable to most. Some say their appearance only made conflict worse, some say they saved the world. No matter what one thought, it was undeniable the Super High School Military General left an unmistakable impact that had forever changed the world.
· And such an amazing person, was the very first friend he had made at the academy, despite him just being a reserve course student.
· He didn’t even know who they were at first. The school year hadn’t technically started yet, but students were allowed on campus to move their belongings into their dorm rooms and such and that was exactly what Hajime was doing. He didn’t have much, so he was finished quickly and decided to just walk around for a bit. He found himself just looking at the main building off in the distance. So close, yet so far away, just barely out of reach seemingly when he knew deep down, he truly was nowhere close. Then suddenly he spotted something. Not far, just within reach.
· “Is the vending machine jammed?” “Not as far as I know.” Hajime looked to the machine in confusion, not noticing anything off with it, so why were you just standing before it? “What do you recommend?” Though you hadn’t done much something about how you looked to him, how your voice seemed to resonate in him, he was taken aback for a moment before collecting himself, quickly looking over the options. “Well… I like the orange ramune.” He pointed to it, showing exactly where it was. Not saying a word you placed in some yen and pressed the button for it. How you carried yourself mesmerized him. He couldn’t quite place his finger on why though. It was stiff yet seemed effortless. A rather strange combination to him. Before he knew it you had the drink and… were just looking at it, flipping it around. You had taken off the cap but seemed lost as to what to do next. “There’s a plunger in the cap, you take that out and place it on top where the cap was.” You followed his instructions without question. “Then you push it down, releasing the marble and there you go.” You seemed surprised, your eyes widening a little as the soda kinda exploded as it usually did when being opened. Then you held it out to him? “I can tell you haven’t drunk anything in the past several hours. Take it.” “Oh, thanks.”
· Your whole demeanor seemed off, somewhat alien. As you got yourself another drink, he couldn’t help but ask- “Are you a foreigner? This soda is rather common in Nippon.” “I suppose one could say that of me.” … Well, that was a strange response. “Seems like we’ve both had a long day. I saw an arcade nearby. Want to just relax and hangout there for a while?” You looked to him in what he assumed was surprise, you didn’t seem very expressive, but he could still see these small shifts in your eyes. For a moment, when he had asked, they seemed to sparkle. “Certainly, lead the way.”
· The pair of you had a rather fun outing to the arcade. So much of… well everything you seemed unaccustomed too. “What’s this?” “The prize corner? We can win tickets to trade for stuff here.” “Huh… so a transfer of currency, to test skill, to gain a new currency…” Even rather basic things. “How did you do that?” “Do what?” “Make that bubble from your mouth?” “I just blew a bubble with the bubblegum.” “There exists food to blow into bubbles?” Hajime wondered if you grew up extremely sheltered. If that was the case, you were probably from an extremely rich family considering you’d have to pour so much money to get into the reserve course. He felt rather sorry for you. “Have you been to the movies before?” “Never.” “We could go watch some if you’d like, get some more candy and some popcorn.” “I know not if I’d like it, never having experienced it before, but I am curious.” “Let’s go then!”
· For the next several days Hajime would find you around campus and you’d just go out and have fun in the town. Strangely though, he never saw you at the dorms. He did most often find you exercising so he assumed you just woke up very early.
· You sat beside him on a bench, passing an orange ramune his way. “So Y/N, feeling ready for class to start tomorrow?” “Yes, I’ve made all necessary preparations and more.” “Still doesn’t feel real that I’m even here, I think it will be a few days till this sinks in.” “… Hinata.” “Yes?” “When class stars… Well, before I ask how schools work, I find a matter more pressing. Will we still spend time together when class starts, like going to the mall, or the park together?” “Of course, we’re friends. Sure, we might get busy with schoolwork sometimes, but we can make time. If you’d like we could study together.” You were silent for a moment, mulling over his words as you took a sip of your soda. “friend…” It was strange to hear that new tone. There was no power or commend to it, it was but a faint unconscious whisper to yourself. “I wonder if we’ll have separate curriculums since we’ll be in different classes.” You knew you’d be in different classes. Maybe you were taking advanced courses or something. That was what Hajime had assumed at least. “Maybe, but we still have break and lunch to chat, we just can’t go out. At least we have holidays.” “Yes, we do have break and lunch. Then you’d be alright if I schedule to spend my breaks with you?” “I don’t mind.”
· “… Thank you Hin-… Friend. I give you my thanks, Friend. For being my friend… I’ve never had one before. There are so many things I know not, but I intend for you to know I’ll do my utmost to keep improving. You’ve… changed my view on things in such a short amount of time. I find it remarkable.” The new spring breeze rolled past, carrying along the fresh scent of flowers. The sun beamed down, warming the cool world. “Ah, I haven’t done much, but I’m glad knowing our time together means so much to you.” “It’s strange… getting the chance to live as a teenager. Never before have I had the opportunity to be anything over than a military general.” Wait… military general? “For as long as I can recall, I’ve been molded to be a weapon and nothing more. I was the top candidate in the project, which allowed me access, well more so forcibly having me join the army. I believed myself to be unfeeling, emotionless for a time. After all, the soldiers could react with horror and fear at taking life, even celebrating when a battle was won, but I didn’t, to me, it just seemed to be more training. I only ever perceived humans as more targets. That was all my existence was, fighting. But as I was trained to be smart, tactical, I had noticed their reactions. I could not relate to them, but I could sympathize with them. I thought I knew not emotional pain, only physical, but somewhere in my mind I made the connection of physical, mental, and emotional pain as all one in the same. I could not understand them directly, but at the time I knew pain was bad, and so that was what started me beginning to see humans as people, more than bags of flesh. I listened to their stories of their friends, family, and loved ones. I did not understand directly, but I knew then I wanted to protect them, just as they wanted to protect their families, and so I began to think of them as my friends. The project runners soon caught on to my realizing I was human too, and began to torture me to make me believe humans were nothing but bad… bad, good, black, white, they had such an archaic, rudimentary view of life, it’s pitiful. As I realized the humans I worked with were people, I realized those we were fighting were exactly the same. We’re all human, all people, people with causes and more importantly others to fight for… Even if I was but an outsider looking in, not truly able to understand, I knew with all that was thrust onto me I was going to change the system. Be a humanitarian. Save all I could. I would mold my soldiers not in my image, but make them strong enough so they can protect others and themselves even without my leadership, to draw out their true strength from being human… but now…” You looked to the ramune bottle you held. “Before I saw humanity, but now I’ve experienced it, even if but a fraction.” You turned to him, cupping your hand on his cheek, the smallest, softest, kindest of smiles pulling at the corners of your lips. “Simply doing things others do everyday I find so exciting, but something I found with my soldiers, hearing their stories of their loved ones, connecting with them, and now, connecting with you, connecting with other human beings… I think this is the best part of being alive. You’ve shown me the world from a new perspective. I can now finally understand. I had some semblance of it before, but… I was still fighting, not… whatever not fighting is, what you’ve shown me, playing at an arcade and watching movies. THIS is what they were all so desperate to protect. I just wanted them to live, but I didn’t know what being alive was. And so… I suppose I fear us not getting to have our outings as often. This, being friends with you… It’s the most… My vocabulary has failed me, I can’t even begin to describe this, but, I will do whatever it takes for you to not just see, but understand how much I appreciate and treasure all that you have done for me… You are my very first friend after all. I want to treat you right. And I will.”
· “Wait… so, you’re the Super High School Level Military General?” “That is a title I have been christened recently, but it is not all I am. After all, I’ve more recently gained the title as your friend.” This… was a lot for Hajime to take it. Now he felt a bit weird about telling you so much about his adoration for Hope’s Peak and it’s students, who you were one of, how he wished he could belong there and not just paid to be on the side lines. Yet… despite you being one of those students… he was just talking to his friend… remembering that made this feel less awkward, though a little embarrassing still.
· It was strange having the stares of his classmates as they just watched him eating with you, to the point you’d often walk around till you found a quieter place to just enjoy your time together in peace.
· You’d still hangout outside of school, it was both of your favorite time together. You could just be together and be happy without this strange divide that others forced between you two.
· When Hajime befriended Chiaki and her class, he dragged you along, helping you to connect with the others. You both became honorary members of the class.
· These connections were things you were never going to allow to fade, making sure to regularly keep in contact with everyone even after graduating.
· With the world having relative peace you retired, working as a personal trainer. You’d come out of retirement temporarily if a new war sprung up, but you always ended it quickly with as little life lost as possible… “Ah, Y/N, you’re back!” “I said I’d be, didn’t I?” Your face instantly flushed a bright red upon Hajime hugging you so tightly. “You took much longer than usual, I thought something had happened.” “A-ah… I…” ... happily returning to your husband and your peaceful life together. This was all both you and Hajime wanted, and you were happy just to be together.
· Even still, no matter how much you tried, you just seemed to be naturally pulled to separate worlds, the staff always causing trouble for Hajime when he’d go to see you, only for you to end up defending him. Moments like these…
· His mind was a blur, he couldn’t hold onto a single thought, and so he went out for a walk, hoping the fresh air could clear his mind.
· “Friend.” “Oh, Y/N-” He turned around, finding you were but a few paces behind him. “- you startled me.” You were stoic, standing there stiffly, the only movement was the wind lifting up pieces of your uniform. “You want to talk about something?” “Indeed. The Kamukura project… What’s with that expression, surely one such as I would know of an experiment such as this.” “Y-yeah, I guess so.” “I but wish you to place my mind at ease, after all… I’ve never trained you, you’re not my soldier, I… know not if you’ll be safe on your own, so… I wish to know if you are informed as to what you’ll be doing from kin, one who has attempted to be molded into a weapon as well.” He looked you up and down, searching for something, though he wasn’t sure what himself. Then he nodded. “By partaking in this project, you may never return to now. They may attempt to make you a weapon, but that will not come to be. Friend, should you follow my path, I still will not take you in as a soldier for you have no need of such. They will say you’re someone entirely new, and that you may be. I know not the consequences of one following my path after being allowed to be human for so long. Likely for a time, you will know nothing but fighting, you may have to relearn what it is to be human, is that a process you are willing to go through? It is one I in fact am still stumbling through.” “… Yeah. I know you say all life has meaning, that everyone matters, but… I want to do more!” “And I shall never stop you from any endeavor for self-improvement. That is not my intention here.” You held out your hand to him. “I but wish that after you follow me, you catch up so we may walk side by side once more.” “Of course. Whatever happens next, I know I’ll be alright, I have my friend with me.” Taking your hand into his own he could feel the warmth that seeped through your glove. “Well then…” With an outstretched arm you presented Hope’s Peak. “Shall we be off?” “Yes.”
· You followed Hajime, but a few paces behind till he stood before those doors off limits to most staff and all students but him. He looked over his shoulder having herd your steady footfalls come to a stop. You both knew you could follow him no longer. This next step he’d have to take on his own, but it was alright, he knew he’d be lost and run after you for a while, but in the end, he’d be someone better, someone who could not only walk beside you, but keep in time and never fall behind. No more chasing after you or leading you around. This time around, you could truly keep in time with one another.
· Kirumi had met you through Korekiyo, he introduced the two of you thinking you’d make for good friends given how similar you were. You both lived to serve others, to make them as great of people as they could be. Kirumi admired the lengths you’d go for your soldiers, keeping mental and emotional health in mind, not just physical. All you wished was for your soldiers to be even greater than yourself so that together the whole world could be a safe place. Being your maid was something she had considered, but you were perfectly fine on your own, even being able to work on self-improvement without the assistance of others. Surely being your maid, she’d be able to an extent serve and help many others but given you absolutely couldn’t find someone like her to be of use, she became your friend instead.
· Whenever the pair of you had free time, you’d share stories of the past. On occasion you’d trade advice, but the both of you felt it almost wrong to assist one another. You both loved helping others, but also valued self-improvement above all else which included your own improvement. Both of you were simply so self-reliant any assistance would simply be a hindrance from improving yourself in some way. Even so, your chats together were your favorite. You both understood one another in ways most others simply could not even begin to comprehend.
· You always spent time with one another when you were taking breaks. Taking breaks was vitally important, even for workaholics such as yourselves. You both would change your schedule so they could align. Often, you’d make a day of it, going out and trying something Hajime had shown you recently such as going for a walk through a botanical garden, going to the cinema, or just lazing about on the beach. These were rather awkward but fun excursions, the both of you not exactly sure how to relax in a way similar to others. Often the awkwardness could looked back on with laughter at how silly it’d look to others.
· By chance the pair of you had but a short break for an hour or so you’d most often exercise, something light for you like a thousand push-ups or curl-ups and other such things while Kirumi would speak of her past experiences as a maid. One time it’d be how she saved he client from a literal army, the next being about her setting up a whole wedding due to the caterer just being plain awful at their job. You’d so curiously ask her questions such as what catering was or how to bake a cake so you could gave one to one of our classmate’s for their up coming birthday. Kirumi loved answering your every last question, it was one of the few things she could do to truly help you without getting in the way. She’d eagerly teach you any and all skills you were unfamiliar with, and you rather liked knowing Kirumi was enjoying this so much. You’d think of any possible skill you were lacking and asked her to be your teacher and in exchange you’d teach her battle and fighting tactics even she didn’t know.
· You adored being able to help one another, and you’d search out excuses to do so.
· “So what you’re saying is you’re out of work.” “Indeed.” “Meet me at the front gate, sixteen o’clock.” That was all that needed to be said for the both of you to be there right on time, down to the exact second. Not a word was exchanged as you lead her down the streets through town. Though you enjoyed your chats with one another, you didn’t speak too often. Speaking wasn’t needed to build a connection with one another. Being together was enough most of the time.
· “Hey General.” “There you are Y/N, oh Tojo? So Y/N brought you here too, that’s why they’re late today.” Kirumi found herself in a rather cozy building, many people with various injuries, along with Shuichi as well. Most of them sat at one main table where biscuits and tea sat on a platter. “So this is the General’s other new friend. Come in, come in. Everybody’s welcome to the drop-in center. Come have some tea and share some stories.” “The Generals says you have quite the yarns to tell.” Both you and Shuichi knew what was to come next. “If you so wish. And if the tea is low, I shall make more.” Kirumi immediately made herself at home, serving all the ex-soldiers so attentively. You and Shuichi simply started some training while everyone else ooed and awed at Kirumi and her skills in seemingly everything. It was fun for the pair of you to see the others amazed by the girl both of you were used too, no longer surprised by anything she could do, she could take over the whole galaxy and neither of you would bat an eye, to the both of you she could do anything.
· Due to the both of you being rather stoic neither of you ever really confessed your feelings. After graduating high school you were just together, no matter the distance or time you’d always reunite with one another eventually. Kirumi often worked with soldiers, helping them get back onto their feet after war. You’d do the same when you weren’t fighting. You both were a perfect duo, doing all you could to make life easier for your soldiers and getting them to a place where they no longer needed your help. The pair of you were simply perfect together.
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been loving the writing you’ve been posting! i’ve been nonstop thinking about cuddly sapnap🧍♀️he would wanna be little spoon so bad that mf... would it be possible to write about sapnap being a cuddly mf? love ur writing so much ❤️❤️❤️ ur doing great!!
thank you! <33 and yesss cuddly sapnap for the win! he’s soooo clingy I swear to god. hope you like this!
cuddle bug - sapnap
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: cuddly!sapnap x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: nick is feeling especially touchy today, and just wants your sweet love and attention after having not seen you for a while.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.269
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: nothing but fluff🥴
song recommendation: lover - taylor swift
your eyes scanned the page for about the fifth time now, growing tired from the bright screen-light shining onto you from your laptop. you rubbed the sleep away from your eyes, knowing that you couldn’t take a break before you were sure that every sentence was exactly how you wanted it to be.
you let a sigh fall from your lips, moving your laptop off your lap to stretch your body out. you moved your head to rest on your pillow again, grabbing your computer yet again to scan through the many pages you’d written for an essay.
over the span of fifteen minutes, you managed to find a few spelling errors, correcting them as you slowly lost your will to continue on. you messed with the laces coming out from your hoodie, twirling them around your finger as you zoned out
you eyes shot up from your computer to the doorframe, stopping your fingers movements. nick had appeared from his bedroom - something you hadn't seen all day. he smiled tiredly at you, and reached back to scratch the back of his head. you smiled back, feeling a small weight lift off your shoulders just from seeing him.
he was already streaming when you had come over, and since he had his face cam on and your relationship was still not out yet, you had placed yourself on his comfy couch. that was three hours ago.
“yay!” you exclaimed, smiling at him for a moment before returning to your schoolwork. no matter how much you wanted to be with him right now, things had to be done.
nick tilted his head to the side, frowning slightly. it was obvious that something else had your complete attention (other than him!). after not having seen you for a while, he really just wanted to spend some time with you.
he approached you, taking a seat beside you when he got to the couch and rested his chin on your shoulder. he peeked at what you were doing, and once realising what you were so focused on, he understood why you were so caught up in it. he knew you had to perfect everything to the point where it was just too perfect, even though you didn't have to.
you turned your head to him, smiling sweetly as his eyes met yours. he placed his hand on your cheek, thumb brushing over your cheekbone lovingly. “y/n. cuddles. now.”
you laughed at that, rolling your eyes playfully. he gripped your hand in his before you could move it towards the keyboard, holding it to his chest.
“I have to finish this first, baby.”
you kissed his cheek softly, before focusing your eyes on the computer again. nick hated how hard you could be on yourself sometimes. he wished you could realise that people need breaks when focusing on something for long periods of time. and that included you too, of course.
you gave an attempt at untangling your fingers with his, but failed miserably when he just squeezed your hand harder. “that can wait.”
he closed your laptop, removing it from your lap and onto the coffee table before you had the chance to stop him. “wh- hey!” you reached out for it, but his grip on your arm stopped you from any further movements.
he moved over you and spread your legs out using his knees. he lay himself slowly on top of you, legs between yours, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head in your chest.
you sighed lightly, laying your head back on the pillow. you only needed to check a few more lines. that’s all you needed! yet your body was so tired and missed the warmth of another body… and oh god you just wanted to cuddle up with your boyfriend.
he hummed against you, moving his head so his chin was resting on your chest. you looked into his eyes, giving him the puppy eyes and lacing your hands together in a praying motion.
“pleeease can we just wait five minutes? I’m almost done, I swear!” you crossed your fingers, desperation lingering in your eyes. you sent him a toothy smile while he observed you with a raised eyebrow. he thought it over for a bit, before coming to a conclusion.
your face dropped again and you pouted slightly at him. “whyyy?” you whined, sinking farther into the couch.
he sighed. “y/n. you and I both know that you won't just spend five minutes on that stupid thing. besides, would you really rather be doing homework than cuddle with your boyfriend who you, may I add, haven't seen all day?”
you groaned, covering your face with your hands, you knew he was right, of course. you’d give anything to not have to write anymore of that stupid essay and just cuddle up with him. you had missed him a lot…
he moved up from his place on your body, face now hovering over your covered one. a gentle smile pulled spread out on his face, hands moving yours away from your face.
“so?” he asked, waiting for an answer. you looked at the small glimmer of love in his eyes, hypnotised by the way they could so easily make your heart melt and send your whole body into a frenzy of tingles.
he smiled wider at your words.
“that’s what I thought.”
all at once he got up, pulling you with him by your hands. you stumbled into his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around your body to keep you there. you smiled as well, closing your eyes for once in what felt like way too long. you let your hands rest on his shoulder blades, feeling the warmth of him radiating through his hoodie.
“you’re so cute,” he mumbled into your hair, hugging you even closer to him. your foot stumbled into his, moving you forwards more than you should. it moved him with you and he giggled lowly, the action adding to what he’d just told you. “c’mon, I want cuddles.”
he pulled away slightly, placing a kiss on your forehead. your cheeks heated up at the action, looking away from him with a smile. he grabbed your hand and excitedly lead you to the bedroom.
“is someone a little clingy today?” you asked teasingly, biting your lip as you lay down next to him on his bed.
“shut up.” the response went by without any cracks of his voice, but the shy smile on his face didn't pass you by. it only made you smile more. he moved close to you, laying his head on your collarbone, nose poking the crook of your neck.
you used that same arm he was slightly laying on to lightly play with his hair, twirling the strands around your finger as you pathed your way around his brown locks. he sighed pleasantly, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull himself closer to you.
with your other hand you reached for the covers, pulling them over you so the cold from outside couldn't reach you. nick planted a few kisses on your neck, almost so light that you could barely even feel them - just a tingling feeling left behind.
“thank you,” you mumbled against his hair, drawing small circles onto the palm of his hand with your other one. “I really needed this.” he caught onto your hand, holding it in his with a slight squeeze.
“me too, baby.”
you smiled down at him, before letting your eyes close, cuddling into the sweet embrace of your lover.
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Social Events? I Think Not | Calcu-LATER (2)
Pairing: Art Major!Kim Taehyung x Math Major!Reader, Jimin x reader-ish
Summary: Math never fails you. The numbers might not always make sense, but you know there must be a solution. Everything fits together like a perfect puzzle, like your tidy life and solitary living…until Kim Taehyung spills paint all over your notebook. He, quite literally, trips into your life.
Genre: College AU, Fluff, Angst, Angst with happy ending, Light Topics, humor
Warnings: Uh, it’s not this dark i swear, slight Internalized homophobia, Drinking, Cheating, language, uh uh uh it’s going to be a ride.
Word Count: 4.6k Words
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You looked at your watch, tapping your foot. The ticking of the watch was calming to you. Why was someone like you standing outside of an art museum? You for sure looked out of place. You shouldn’t have even come. He was already 35 seconds late. You weren’t a very patient person.
Taehyung stopped a few steps away from you. His lips quirked into a smile. “You’re pretty odd, huh?”
“It’s been 1 minute and 20 seconds since you were supposed to be here. I’m not very patient.”
“I can see that.”
He fell silent, observing you. You crossed your arms. “I don’t enjoy being observed like a specimen.”
“A fine specimen you would be. I like you.” He teased, then his lips fell back into a neutral line. “Let’s just get inside, yeah?”
“Sure.” Your heart thumped uneasily at his boxy smile.
It was almost enough to melt away your anxiety over entering such a public space with this human lightbulb.
You followed him inside. You could admire the architecture. The high arching dome and the natural light was nice. You could probably estimate the distance from the floor to the top of the building if you had the right tools, but that wasn’t what you were here for.
Taehyung led you down a couple hallways, blabbering on about art.
“I mean, I like a lot of paintings and statues here. I’ve visited like a million times, but there’s this one section I never get tired of and I think you’ll like it. I mean, it’s just fascinating, what you can do with a couple paint brushes and black paint.” He spilled, his mouth never stopping.
“I guess.” Your eyes glanced over the paintings as he whizzed by.
Finally, you stopped at the non objective section. You bit your lip, somehow sensing in your tiny ape brain that you shouldn’t say what you were thinking.
“Yeah, my favorite.” His enthusiasm was charming. You decided to humor him.
His eyes lit up at that. You sucked in a breath. What you were really thinking was oh my god. The most boring exhibit. But instead, you just followed him into the hall. Paintings of every size were hung up and he would pause on his march down the hall every now and then.
“See that one? It’s a Jackson Pollock painting. He’s one of my favorites. Look at how beautiful the strokes are. They might look like lines, but they mean something.”
“Oh really?” You looked at the canvas with doubt. All you saw were meaningless lines and splatters of paint.
He stood, awed at the black and white paint. “It’s like you can almost see an image but not. The method he uses is absolutely fascinating as well and-”
“I don’t get it.” You interrupted.
“What?” He stopped his monologue for the first time since you’d arrived. You stepped away.
“I don’t get it.” You repeated. “It’s not impressive, Taehyung, it’s just a bunch of paint splattered on a white canvas. That’s nothing special. I could do it if I wanted to.”
“But you haven’t.” he snapped back suddenly. You took another step away.
“Don’t get mad, it’s my opinion. I barely know you.”
“Yeah whatever.” He grumbled.
“I think I should go.”
“Finally using that head of yours, huh?”
“No, I wouldn’t waste my brain space on stuff like this.” You scoffed and began to make your way back down the halls.
“I guess you’re just another hard headed math nerd.” He spat.
A small smile crept onto your face. “I guess I am.”
Philosophy class was one of Taehyung’s favorite classes. Thinking was one of his best attributes. Questioning life? Something he did every day. What he hadn’t expected, was for so much of it to be analytical and evidence based. He was expecting it to be a bunch of poetry majors talking about emo shit for a semester and he was so down for that.
“I was wondering-”
“Please stand.” The woman peered at him through her glasses and Taehyung stood, no problem. He felt the stares of several people, but one felt just...very intense. He couldn’t describe it.
“I was wondering when we’re going to get into the deep questions.”
“Deep?” Professor Loch raised an eyebrow. “Please describe these...deep questions.”
“Like those questions about, oh I don’t know,” he waved his arms around haphazardly, the people to his right and left moving out of the way. “Like if you were in a zombie apocalypse and it was just you and another person still alive and that person was injured but save-able, would you leave them for dead?”
A few giggles rippled through the room and Taehyung slowly shrunk down.
“Hey, stop that.” The professor cleared her throat. “We’re in college, we’ve grown past judging others. Now, stand straight, Mr…?”
“Taehyung. Kim Taehyung.”
“....Mr. Kim. Let me ask you, Ms. Y/L/N. What would you do in this situation?” She pointed to you.
You had this vacant and serious look on your face, which, quite honestly, intimidated Taehyung. You were pretty though, in a unique way that he couldn’t quite place his finger on. You stood and thought it over for a second, then you fixed her with a hard stare.
“I would save myself and leave them for dead, obviously. They’re injured, they’re a liability.”
“And what about company, huh?” Taehyung turned sharply to face you, a frown on his face.
“Company is unnecessary. I have myself.”
“That must be awfully lonely.”
“It’s not. I guess I don’t need others to feel like I’ve had a fulfilling time.”
He gritted his teeth, fingers clenching and unclenching. The audacity.
“Do you really believe that?” Taehyung ran up to you, but you ignored him.
He stayed walking beside you, unspeaking, waiting for your answer. You sighed, knowing he wouldn’t leave you alone.
“Yes.” You responded finally.
“Because,” You stopped and turned to him. “If it were just me and a bunch of zombies, I think life would be easier.” You pursed your lips, feeling the dryness of your throat starting to close up.
You continued walking and he walked alongside you once more. This was fine. As long as he didn’t talk it would be fine. But the joke was on you because Taehyung loved to talk.
“I just think, you know, isn’t it kind of selfish to do that? To leave them?”
“Humans are selfish.” You stated simply.
“Is that a good enough reason to sink into it?”
You went quiet. Not really in thought, you just didn’t want to continue this conversation. You said the first thing that had come into mind before, and you weren’t sure if it was great that saving yourself was the first thought.
“I am not wearing that.” You crossed your arms.
“C’mon, my parents will love it.”
“I’m coming as a friend remember?” You pursed your lips and shoved more of your usual clothing into your bag.
“Sure.” Jimin zipped up your bag and swung it over his shoulder. “Road trip!”
You wrapped your sweater tighter around you and stepped out into the cold hallway, following him down the stairs and out towards the road where his car was parked.
“It’s not like I had any plans and my home is across seas, so it’s pretty expensive going back and forth.” You explained.
It was hard trying to justify why the hell you agreed to do this for him. You weren’t even friends. Friends were supposed to go out all the time and laugh and have fun.
You and Jimin just bickered and studied together. What kind of friendship was that? Besides, friends were bothersome. They always took up your time.
“Sure sure.” He chuckled, shutting the trunk and moving to the driver seat.
You stood, looking at the small car that you were about to spend five hours in. Crammed right up next to him.
“Oh...should I get in now?”
“Uh, yeah, what are you waiting for?”
“I’m not waiting for anything…?” You said dumbly, moving to the passenger side and climbing in.
“Seatbelts!” He announced cheerfully.
“I know, Jimin. We’re not children.” You chided, buckling up.
“Woot woot! Let’s get this show on the road!”
“I don’t see any show-”
“It’s an expression dumb ass. Were you raised as a mole woman or something?”
You pressed the deny button for the third time before throwing your phone into the backseat with an annoyed sigh.
“For someone so anti-social, you have a lot of people trying to reach you.” Jimin commented casually, his gaze sliding over to your for a second before looking back to the road.
“The first one was my hall monitor wondering where I was and the last two have been your friend.”
Your eyes remained glued to your window. Rolling green hills and fields of flowers were now covered in snow, the bitter air whistling past the window. The white sheet that lay on top of the scenery felt like a white abyss, an expanse that went on forever.
“I think he’s got a thing for you.”
“Me? Impossible.” You laughed. “He was an ass to me last time.”
“He’s like that with people he likes.”
“What is he, in elementary school?” You blinked owlishly and the corner’s of Jimin’s lips twitched upwards.
“He might be. He sure acts like it sometimes.” Jimin then turned up the heater. “Ugh, it’s freeeeezing.”
“Well, now it’s too hot.” You complained, taking off your sweater.
“Ah, nice and toasty.”
You watched the way the loose heat knob jiggled with every turn and bump. It was almost calming, the way it wiggled from side to side. You wanted to touch it.
A few moments went by. Jimin was peacefully humming a song and you were staring at that dial, fingers scrunching back and forth. You really wanted to fiddle with it.
You held back. Soon enough, you began to notice the overwhelming heat. It was like you were suffocating. You looked over to Jimin to see if he was also noticing this development, but he remained happily singing without a care in the world.
“I need to crank the window down.” It was so hot, you felt like you were going to die.
You couldn’t breathe, everything was closing up. Oh god, and you were stuck in this car with Jimin. Why had you agreed to do that?! A terrible decision! And you hated making terrible decisions. Your chest tightened uncomfortably and you struggled to take a deep breath. Jimin remained oblivious.
“I need to-” You slammed your finger onto the button and the window slid down quickly.
The stinging winter air blew into the car and Jimin yelped in surprise. His grip on the steering wheel tightened and he glanced into the rear view mirror. There were about five cars following him. He looked over at you.
You stuck your head out the window, hair blowing around like mad. The cold wind took your breath away, but at least it wasn’t suffocating anymore. You wanted to be farther into it.
“Y/N! Stop!” The papers in the car began flying, plastering themselves to the rear window.
You unbuckled and began leaning farther out the window, all the way until your entire upper half was hanging out.
“Y/N!” He shouted frantically over the wind.
He reached out with his hand and gripped your shirt. He began slowing down and signalled, trying to remain calm.
He drifted to the right shoulder and slowed to a stop. Breathless, you sat back down and you both sat in silence for a good five minutes. Jimin’s hair was wind swept and messy, your own hair was a rat’s nest.
The papers began falling off the window and the cars zipped by. He panted. Then his face began growing red. You turned to look at him.
“Y/N! What were you thinking?!” Jimin shouted. A car zipped by, rocking the car.
“It was hot.” You said calmly.
“Do you have a death wish?!”
“No. You wouldn’t have let me die.” You shrugged and turned back to face the front. You wordlessly buckled up. “Let’s continue.”
“What the hell am I going to do with you? Why did I want to bring you along? You’re insane!”
“I wondered the same thing.”
Jimin’s parents’ house is beautiful. You knew they were rich, but you didn’t quite realize by how much. The place was a three story affair in the beautiful countryside of Busan. A warm glow emanated from the floor to ceiling windows and the material was a dark cherry wood. You gripped your bag tighter.
“I forgot to tell you, Jimin.”
“What now?” He groaned, setting down his heavy bag.
“I...hate social situations. It’s not just that I”m anti-social, I get panic attacks and the thought of-”
The sound of merry laughter poured out of the open windows. You felt like you were going to be sick. Your body quivered at that.
“-I’m sorry I don’t think I can do this.” You spoke, your voice barely above a whisper. It was more of a pathetic squeak.
“Hey, hey,” Concern marred his handsome face and that made you feel sicker. “I’m sorry. I should have asked if you were up for it.”
“No, no, I...I signed up for it.” You said. You could feel the blood draining from your face. He gently took your hand.
“It’ll be okay. Let’s take it slow and if you feel worse, I’ll just make up an excuse for you to go to sleep early or something.”
“Thank you.” You said softly, gripping his hand tightly. He picked up his bag from the ground and walked towards the door.
Three knocks and the door swung open. Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You already knew who it was. Why wouldn’t he leave you alone? Did you want to be alone?
“Jimin!” His mother looked like a kind woman. She had on bright red lipstick and expensive pearl earrings. “Welcome home, hun! Oh and who is this?” She shot you a wry smile.
“This is...my friend, Y/N.” Jimin smiled. “She’s from the US and she couldn’t find any flights home for this week so I thought I could bring her over?” You were glad he hadn’t mentioned that you couldn’t afford them.
“Of course of course! A friend,” She gave you a sly look, “of Jimin’s is a friend of ours and a part of the family, obviously. Come in, come in, it’s freezing!”
She opened the door and you both entered. A woman dressed as a maid came over and you mindlessly handed her your things. The entryway was honestly jaw dropping.
A high dome sat on top of a perfectly circular room with wide arches that led in every direction. You stopped, unable to move farther as they continued forward, catching up on whatever rich people talked about.
You froze and glanced from side to side, making sure to take note of which direction they went. Then you ducked into the room to your left, which was an empty dining room. The place was spotless and brightly colored in blue and white wallpaper. You pulled out your phone and saw three missed calls. You took a deep breath and dialed back.
“Taehyung, what do you want?” You whispered, glancing around to make sure no one was coming by.
“I just-I’m sorry I’ve been calling so much, but you see, I’ve got this conscience. And it’s keeping me awake with the awfully rude things I said to you. Can we go out for coffee some time to let me make up for it? Or maybe we could just...watch a movie? I just feel really really bad-”
“Now is not the time.” You interrupted his sob story. “I’m at Jimin’s parents’ house this week. Leave me alone. I’ll figure it out later.”
“Okay just let me-”
“Bye.” You hung up and turned around to see Jimin turning the corner. His expression lit up.
“There you are! I was worried you got lost or something!” He exclaimed.
“Oh, sorry, I was just,” You took a deep breath. “I needed a moment.”
His face softened and he nodded in understanding.
“It’s okay, I’ll be here.” He murmured and took your arm in his.
As you walked down the long hall, he leaned in to whisper in your ear. “Compliment my mom’s jewelry. She loves bragging and she’ll love you even more for letting her.”
“Uh, okay?” You entered the room and he parted ways, going to talk to his father.
You saw such a divide, it was like being in the 50s again. The women were laughing and moving around the kitchen while the men sat around the fireplace and drank on the other side of the room.
You glanced from side to side. You could hear them talking about statistics and debating mathematical terms on one side, but you knew Jimin wanted you to fit in. You swallowed your pride and joined the women in the kitchen. Besides...they looked nice?
“Y/N! So glad you could join us!” One said.
“Yes, come, sit. You’re a guest, you don’t need to work.” Jimin’s mother chided.
“But you obviously need the help?” You tilted your head curiously, unfamiliar with this kindness that felt so...awkward and forced.
“It’s okay! We’ve got it handled-”
“But you don’t.” You pointed to the cake which was starting to smoke. “Here, I got it.” You walked over and pulled on oven mitts, pulling the dessert out of the oven before it got too crispy. You placed it on the rack.
“Oh, I like her.” The first woman smiled. “I’m Mrs. Hwa, but you can call me yeoung.” She winked. Mrs. Hwa was nothing short of gorgeous. She was picture perfect and she had a bright sparkle in her eye.
“You can just call me Mrs. Park.” Jimin’s mother said curtly, her lips pulled into a forced smile. You couldn’t understand what she would be frowning for, but the smile just felt too fake.
“Mrs. Park, I love your...earrings.” You searched for jewelry. The woman instantly brightened.
“Why thank you! They’re real pearl.” She bragged. She began to take them off, handing them to you. You held them gently, pretending to be interested. “I got them from Van Cleef on sale for only 10,902,950 won.”
“That’s….a great deal?”
You must have done a great job looking interested because the woman went quiet. She shared this in common with Jimin, you noticed. She was always quiet before she spoke. She gently folded your hands around the earrings.
“You keep them.” She said.
“Keep them. She repeated. “I have five other pairs anyway.” She reassured and you nodded solemnly. There was a long pause and she stared at you expectantly.
“Oh, uh, thank you.” You stuttered. “Sorry, this is really just, such a surprise.” You pocketed the pearls and ignored the fact that you didn’t have pierced ears.
You glanced over at the other side. A man was holding his head in his hands and another was yelling triumphantly, face red. They leaned over a chess board. You were drawn to the scene and you couldn’t even hear the questioning calls of Mrs. Park and Mrs. Hwa. You stopped at the edge of the scene and then moved closer. Your presence seemed to silence the men.
“It’s not checkmate.” You announced.
“What?” The red faced man sputtered.
“Here.” You bent over the board. “Rook to H1. Check. Black moves Queen to C1 to block. Rook takes queen, checkmate. Black wins.”
“Who are you?”
“It’s easy.” You pointed to the board. “It’s like math calculations. You just have to run the numbers.”
“Ah, yeah, dad, this is Y/N. She’s in my math class and wicked smart.” Jimin pushed off the wall with a sheepish smile.
“So you’re the one who refuses to help my son?” The man stood and you expected him to be angry, but instead he had a large smile on his face. “Good for you! It’s good to teach him to do some things on his own.”
“My thoughts exactly.” You nodded.
“I like her.” Mr. Park looked to his son and Jimin just sighed and shook his head.
There was a sadness to his posture, a sense of defeat that was missed by every single person in the room. Including you, but it was not lost on his mother.
Taehyung couldn’t understand why you were on his mind. Ever since the museum, he couldn’t stop thinking about how annoying you’d been. And then he thought about your lips and the pretty stubbornness in your face when he spoke, or the way he just knew you were trying your best to humor him. You were an enigma.
“I just don’t understand the balls she had to do that?!” Taehyung ranted, pacing up and down the dorm hallway. Jungkook and Jin sat side by side in the hallway.
“Taehyung, I don’t know what existential crisis you’re having, but I have to help Jungkook with this philosophy homework and then I have a date, so please calm down.” Jin scolded before leaning back over to look at Jungkook’s work.
“Have you ever thought about how fire is on things and things aren’t on fire?”
“You’re not setting fire to the dorm again, Jungkook.” Taehyung chimed in at the same time as Jin. The boy’s cheeks heated up and he went back to his work.
“She was so rude and yet...I feel bad.” Taehyung groaned after a moment. His back thumped against the wall and he slid to a seat position beside Jin.
“You like her.” Jin stated simply.
“You may be like a gazillion years older than me, hyung, but you’re not all-knowing.” The younger huffed stubbornly.
“You’re acting like a child.” Jin chided.
“You’re one to talk.”
Jin gaped as if he’d been shot. “Excuse me. I am just trying to help. Now thank your hyung and move on, grasshopper.”
“It was a mistake asking you this stuff.” Taehyung flicked Jin’s forehead and stood, brushing himself off.
As he moved, a hand reached out and held onto his ankle. Causing him to stumble and land face first into the plush carpet.
“That’s what you get for flicking me in the forehead.”
Taehyung went to stand, his hand sinking into the carpet where it was met by something sticky. He cringed internally and felt like gagging.
“I have no idea what has been on this carpet and I don’t want to know.” He declared.
You liked Mrs. Park. She was kind and you knew she had to feign hospitality, so she responded to your blunt remarks awfully well.
“Do you see this set of plates here? Imported straight from Greece.” She swooned.
You leaned in to inspect the plate. It looked boring and the pattern was off center. It was a mess at best. You pressed your lips into a thin line, deciding to keep your thoughts to yourself. You didn’t want to step out of line again.
After your encounter with Mr. Park, you had been dragged from the lounge area and brought back to the kitchen to discuss...whatever you were supposed to be talking about now.
“Mr. Min is here!” The housemaid announced, before bowing and leaving the room swiftly.
“Ah, Min Chee. Fashionably late, as always.” Mr. Park barked, his face red with alcohol. Mrs. Park just shook her head with amusement.
A man short of stature walked in and beside him was a younger man, who you recognized as Min Yoongi. Jimin frowned, his eyes trailing Yoongi all the way to the other side of the room where he greeted Mrs. Park.
“Mrs. Park, it’s nice to see you.” Yoongi nodded.
“And you! How’s your little, music producing hobby going?” Mrs. Park smiled, her tone as if talking to a child. “I see you’ve dyed your hair green! How wonderful.”
“It’s not a hobby, I’m studying for-” He began.
“Ah! Mrs. Park!” Mr. Min intervened, taking Mrs. Park’s hand and shaking it firmly. “Ravishing as always.” He continued slyly. Then he looked to his son. “We’ve tried everything we can. It seems he’s set in his ways.”
“If you continue embarrassing me like this, I’ll stop coming to Christmas with you.” Yoongi said, his face deadpan, but his tone a teasing lilt.
“Yoongi!” Jimin’s soft voice called out as he made his way over.
“Ah, Jimin.” Yoongi awkwardly rejected his hug, moving instead to shake his hand.
You watched the interaction closely, questions popping up, but for once, you knew better than to ask.
“This is my...friend, Y/N.” Jimin smiled at you and you nodded, turning to look at Yoongi.
Yoongi shot Jimin an unreadable look and turned back to you. He plastered a stiff smile on his face and shaking your hand enthusiastically.
“I see, a friend.” Yoongi drawled with a sarcastic tone.
Your heart raced and you knew you didn’t want to get in between whatever the fuck was happening with these two.
“Y/N! Can you help me with the plates?” Mrs. Park called for you and you smoothly extracted yourself from the situation.
The two didn’t take their eyes off each other and soon enough, they exited the room in a huff.
“Aish boys, am I right?” Mrs. Park laughed and you frowned in response.
“I don’t think that’s exactly the best excuse-” You started, but she forcefully pushed a stack of plates into your hands.
Two Hours Later
You took a deep breath in. The table looked at you expectantly. Their eyes were like daggers. Why would he put you on the spot like this? He knew you had to agree, but you couldn’t.
You couldn’t be a pushover like this. You hated crying, but you could feel the emotions reaching your throat and choking your air. You refused to cry, though. Crying was weak.
“No, Jimin!” You shouted, standing up. You shook out your sweaty hands.
“We’re just friends. I won’t-I won’t date you.” Your voice broke, the pressure of their eyes watching over you, souring expressions, a happy mood lost. It was too much.
“Y/N, wait!” Jimin shouted as you raced out of the room.
You needed air. You needed the cool breeze of the night to take your breath away. Your body was thrumming with anxiety. You needed to get out.
“Y/N!” Jimin followed you out the front door. Your voices echoed around the empty hillside.
“Why did you bring me here?” You snapped miserably. “To put me on the spot? To make me a fool?” You rubbed your arms. You didn’t care about the goosebumps.
“I like you, Y/N. That’s why. I’ve liked you for a while.” There was a sadness in his eyes.
You crossed your arms. In all honesty, you considered Jimin a friend. You don’t want to ruin that, do you? Just like everything else? No, you didn’t. You pressed your lips into a thin line and forced yourself to smile.
“I like you too.” You needed this to be a comfortable stay for the next week or you’d go insane.
You agreed to date him for your sanity and to maybe salvage your reputation with his family. There was a part of you that wished it was someone else confessing. Someone with blonde hair and a boxy smile.
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Decided to write another fic and actually name it! I’ll call it, “And There we Found Them” (lame I know XD). The prompt credit goes to @sleepyvirgilprompts, who always seems to know just how to get those creative juices pumping! Thanks fam XD Sorry if the ending’s lame, I have a hard time ending fics lol
With all that said, enjoy! And uh…Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays? lol
“Roman, for the last time we are not filming Thomas performing ‘Hardcore Parkour’ inside the mind palace!”
“Um, excuse you Captain Fun Police, I was asking Thomas, not you.”
“As the manifestation of Thomas’ logic and reasoning, you indeed are, by extension, asking myself, as well as Patton and Virgil.”
“Logic and reasoni - th-that doesn’t even make any sense!”
“And I will bring Janus and your brother into this if necessary; don’t make me break out the metaphorical heavy artillery.”
The stupid banter wouldn’t stop.
Roman and Logan had already been in the middle of a pretty heated discussion when Thomas had woken up, and their host’s presence only seemed to fuel the flame for debate. Now, after being followed with constant demands ideas yelled in his ear all morning, he was facing the brunt end of a killer headache.
So, with his own Creativity and Logic squishing him in the middle of his staircase, he continued to inch his way down and towards the blessed medicine cabinet, though judging by how this day had (barely) started, this too would prove to be a challenge.
“It’s the frickin’ Imagination! If anything were to happen I could just-just snap my fingers and ‘poof!’ Good as new!”
“Ah, yes, because even entertaining the idea of putting Thomas through any possible physical and/or psychological trauma is at no expense to you.”
Ouch. Things were getting dicey.
Roman gasped, “How dare you insinuate such horrid things of me! Just because I care about Thomas’ success - UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE! - doesn’t mean I’ll throw him to the wolves to get it!”
He couldn’t take much more of this…
“And you think I don’t care? Oh, do pardon me for allowing my actions to keep Thomas in a safe, non-threatening environment to be louder than your boisterous, destructive words!”
“Would you both just shut-!”
The reverberating sound of three hands clapping against their respective faces seemed to echo about the room. Thomas wouldn’t have noticed, had he and the two loudly bickering sides next to him not been abruptly silenced by those hands that definitely weren’t originally going to do that.
He blinked - twice - as his eyes focused to meet those of an all-too-familiar snake-like facet.
Before the three stood Janus, an unreadable expression on his face Thomas was trying so hard to put a name to: Frustration, perhaps? Irritation? Embarrassment?
Disappointment, his brain (not Logic) supplied. Janus looked uncharacteristically disappointed as he slowly brought a finger to his own lips in a silent warning. He turned - followed by everyone else - to glance at Patton sat on the couch, a sleeping Virgil in his lap and a grateful smile on his face most definitely not directed at “everyone else.”
After nodding in unspoken agreement with the father figure, Janus sunk out as abruptly as he’d entered, bringing with him the hold he had on the trio’s hands still over their mouths. Silence reigned for what felt like an awkward eternity, Roman breaking it with a profound, “…What just happened?” They all looked to Patton, who was still fixed on them with his own disappointed stare.
But after a moment, it softened, and he repeated Janus’ motion for all of them to be quiet. Thomas, growing more concerned and confused with each passing second, tip-toed around the coffee table to sit on the floor in front of Patton and Virgil.
“Patton, what’s going on? This wasn’t cause of us,” he gestured to himself and the sides standing behind him, “was it?”
Patton put a hand on his host’s shoulder with a small smile.
“Oh kiddo, you didn’t do anything,” his gaze hardened onto Roman and Logan, “but I thought you two knew better than to put innocent bystanders in the middle of your arguments. You nearly woke up poor Virgil!”
“P-Perhaps we should’ve remained in private until our differences were settled…” Logan coughed out awkwardly, adjusting his tie and feeling slightly ashamed that the thought had never occurred to him. “My apologies to all of you.” He bowed his head slightly at that, trying hard to keep his voice down so as not to wake Virgil, who, now that everyone had gotten close enough to notice it, had fresh tears staining his cheeks.
“Thank you, Logan…” Roman whispered, eyes fixed on Virgil’s face. How long had he been crying? “…but I don’t think this is just about us anymore.” He knelt down beside Thomas, in front of Virgil. “Is he okay?” He asked, much more soft-spoken than before.
Patton sighed, “I guess Remus decided to pull a…let’s say, not-so-nice prank, made Virgil think he’d been…st-stabbed.” He huffed, brows furrowed once again. He nodded towards the kitchen and sure enough, Logan went in and returned with a large steak knife covered in what looked like-
“Barbeque sauce?” He inquired, eyes alighting in recognition as he took a whiff of the odd substance.
“Virgil didn’t know it was barbeque sauce…” Patton muttered under his breath, none too unhappy to re-tell the tale, “I was coming from my room to get a snack when I heard the poor guy screaming. I managed to stop him before he slapped Remus’ brains out silly, but just barely.”
Roman, if he’d been in any other situation, would’ve snorted at that - his brother deserved it either way - but no, he knew much better than that now. He of all people should’ve known Remus’ insensitivity knew no bounds; he just couldn’t help it sometimes. He was brought out of his thoughts by Patton, who began unintentionally raising his voice.
“I’m furious with that boy! He knows how tired and anxious Virgil is, he knows he puts everything he has into protecting Thomas! He knows all that added fear and adrenaline only hurts him! Why is that so hard for him to understand?!”
“Patton!” Logan whispered fiercely, drawing him out of his angry ranting, “we need to be quiet, remember?” He pointed at Virgil, still situated in his dad’s lap.
Patton blinked, his eyes widening in horror.
He slapped a hand to his mouth, but the damage had been done. He looked down at Virgil, currently whimpering and mumbling incoherently as he started to cry in his sleep.
“Oh…no…” Patton visibly deflated, feeling like the world’s biggest hypocrite. “Oh, oh, no no honey, shhh…” He began carding his fingers through Virgil’s hair, trying to correct his mistake, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. You’re okay, shhh…”
Without thinking, Roman moved to put a hand over Virgil’s clenching fist and started to speak softly, “Pat just cares so much about you. We all care about your safety.” He wiped Virgil’s tears away gently with his thumb, relaxing slightly as Virgil seemed to calm his crying to the occasional sniffle at this.
“You know,” Patton whispered, having realized something, “I can’t remember one time this week I’ve seen him sleep. Like, real deep like this.”
“If having breakdowns in your sleep is Virgil’s version of a ‘deep sleep,’ then I can’t imagine how…how tired he must always be…” Roman spoke slowly. The more he thought about Virgil, even in general, and what all of his duties entailed as the embodiment of anxiety, the more he both respected Virgil for his commitment and simultaneously sympathized with him, realizing how much energy and effort he used to do this job. The sour taste in his mouth didn’t help this thought, as it only reminded him of a time when he used to condemn Virgil for doing just that – his job as a side.
No, no more of that now.
Roman kept his hand atop Virgil’s, scooting closer to him on the floor and whispering, “Don’t worry Virge. You’ve done your job for now, and we’re not going anywhere until we’ve done our duty to you.” He kissed Virgil’s last remaining tears away, “We’ll protect you, just as you have done for us.”
“Must you always be so melodramatic?” Logan questioned softly. Thomas was about to scold him for ruining such a wholesome moment between the Emo and the Prince, but he could see the smile gracing Logan’s face, his words spoken with a certain fondness. He couldn’t help but smile alongside him, especially after seeing Patton’s giddy grin at the same sight.
He glanced at Roman and Virgil, their heads resting close together on the couch. Yes, Remus would get an earful from his brother and self-proclaimed “dad,” of that he was sure, but for now…
For now they had Virgil’s back, just as much as they all knew he had theirs from the beginning.
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Cherish your blessings
Having PEACE with your family is the biggest blessings of all.
Posted by trisdass, 23rd May 2020 for the single moms & dads out there
"The biggest grace & blessings I've received till this point of time, is the gift of my children. I’ve lost everything & was at a crossroads of survival which was having them placed in a safe place (its a myth there is no safe place), succeed and get them back. Or live together, die together, work through it together. Or get help even if it kills me and them emotionally.
Everyday, every decision, every step was crucial like walking on a field filled with landmines. I walked away from toxicity. I walked into a severe state of paranoia. I was mentally questioning myself at every point & contradicting myself occasionally by taking leaps of fate & faith. Putting myself at the chopping board again & again. Crying myself out, calling them out (those who abandoned us), while breaking myself inside out to keep us together. I felt it was all on me. All on us. We started with nothing, just bags, our documents, no savings, just some help here and there. Nothing long term. No safety net. No security. Leaping from one stone to another. Filling ourselves one day at a time, building wherever was home little by little. We took the decision to be together.
So much sacrifices, bruises, scars that no one can see. So much this small family of three had to endure. Most people never will imagine it, never will pat us on the back, never will give us what's due, never will acknowledge it. However that doesn't make us a victim. We clawed our way up from the darkest pit physically, emotional, spiritually, mentally and financially. Everyday, we woke up, moving on, moving forward. A new war to fight.
“I want freedom, flexibility, recognition, decent amount of wealth & opportunities to leave a legacy”-life goals 2010-2020
Today we look at each other while facing the biggest crisis in history, a global pandemic COVID 19 and an economic catastrophe. I cherish every moment, every second of having them beside me. We came this far. We did it this far. Nothing else matters. No one else matters (sounds selfish but yeah). I don't know what the future holds, we don't know who will be alive tomorrow. As long as we are together just like all these years, without any outside influence, we can do it. Those who left, those who felt we were not worthy, those who called us names and accused us when we were weak, those who didn't think we will get this far....well hope you have those wonderful moments with your decisions too.
Take control of your family, regardless how much obstacles you face. Take control and write your story. Believe that there is always a super power watching, assessing and it will keep you at peace. Peace with your family is the biggest blessings of all. That's success". -my long march trisdass May 2020.
DON’T GIVE UP. TRY TRY TRY AGAIN
#Support working single moms #support single family #singlemom #emo mommy #moving forward #progress #love