#what is a paradoxical relationship

[thebiscuitlabryinth]

[prev]

In the end, it doesn't matter. His plans, his intentions, his hopes, none of it matters.

In his dreams, it is disturbingly easy for Pure Vanilla to forget that the world is larger than the two of them, full of Cookies with their own plans and motives. In the careful cradle of his dreams, cocooned within Shadow Milk's constant presence, he hadn't even considered that there were other options.

Now, he is forced to confront them, and he can barely pay attention to anything. He isn't sure what happened in the first place, everything moving too quickly for him to process a thing. There is chaos everywhere, a flurry of colours and sounds and happenings whipping around him like a hurricane, the veil of darkness turning it all into a blur. The air is thrumming with unleashed archaic power, pricking his dough like pins and needles, and it all goes straight to his head, making him dizzy.

His grip on his staff is tight, leaning against it as he closes his eyes and borrows its gaze in the hopes of having a clearer view. It is just as indecipherable through his staff though, which means he isn't seeing things – the world really is coming apart at the seams, his nightmares unfurling before him.

And worst of all, Pure Vanilla is awake. He is wide, wide awake and cold with shock.

"There you are!"

Arms wrap around his shoulders from behind, the voice chiming delightedly in his ear. Pure Vanilla pulls away with a violent jerk of his body, not quite having the mind to be surprised that the arms let him, spinning around to face the other.

Shadow Milk stands, practically glowing with giddy joy, in a newly-crafted body of fresh dough, and it is strange to see him so solid. He stretches his arms above his head, leaning from side to side, before turning in a circle with a flourish, as if to show the body off.

"Wonderful, isn't it? And with this, Little Miss Guardian can't lock us back up again so easily! Certainly not with a dirty little trick like patching up some cracks." His voice is jovial, even as irritation flickers over his eyes at the memory of his encounter with White Lily. It disappears quickly, swallowed by tide of something that could almost be taken as childlike excitement. "Ah, it's so fun to have my own body again!"

It's the sort of happiness Pure Vanilla had hoped to see from him, but seeing it now, it just makes his heart ache fiercely, his chest seconds away from caving in. He is beautiful, a fact preserved even through the filter of his staff's eye, and everything is falling apart around him.

"What are you doing?" He asks, hardly more than a whisper, hardly able to manage those words anyway. It isn't the fact that Shadow Milk is out, physically here in front of him that makes him feel queasy. If it were only that, Pure Vanilla suspects he'd match him in his joy. It isn't even that he grabbed the first opportunity to escape, even if it wasn't following Pure Vanilla's plans for negotiation.

It is the upheaval sweeping around him, a complete lack of care for the surroundings and exactly as Shadow Milk was before, that is what hurts. Pure Vanilla had never lied when he said he believed in him.

"Celebrating, of course! This is my greatly anticipated grand return!" Shadow Milk announces cheerfully, taking an overdramatic bow before glancing at Pure Vanilla with a cheeky grin. His eyes glitter like stars, in that way that always mesmerises him. "Come on, Vani, dance with me!"

He reaches for both of Pure Vanilla's hands, not fazed by the fact that one is still holding his staff. He simply traps Pure Vanilla's hand between his and the staff as he pulls him towards him, using the momentum to whirl them around. Pure Vanilla stumbles, and without thinking, he scrambles to hold Shadow Milk back, his stomach and head churning uselessly.

It must show on his face, the horrible turbulance within him, because Shadow Milk's eyes all squint at him, some softly, others teasingly. He lets go of the hand not on his staff, instead wrapping his arm around Pure Vanilla's waist to offer him more stability. "What are you looking so gloomy for? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Not like this, you know that." Pure Vanilla whispers, his now free hand balling into a fist and falling weakly to rest against Shadow Milk's shoulder. His sadness leaks heavy into his tone, but he can't help it, can barely articulate himself. "I wanted you to be better."

Shadow Milk doesn't reply for a moment, still dragging him through the motions of a partner dance. He seems to realise Pure Vanilla isn't planning to open his eyes anytime soon, because his eyes slide over to make contact with him through his staff, his grin simmering down to a smile, still unbearably cheerful. "You didn't truly believe that would work, did you?"

It's a harmless question, in the grand scheme of things, in the whirlpool of everything happening around them, but it feels like a cracking punch to the stomach. Shadow Milk had seemed reluctant at first, but he had never outright refused his idea. By the end of it, he even seemed to be considering it seriously, but something said as bluntly as that must be his true feelings–

"So you lied to me." Pure Vanilla murmurs hollowly, the cracks in his heart filling with sticky disappointment, all towards himself. He can't bring himself to hate Shadow Milk for acting within his own nature, not when he should have known. "...Of course you did."

For the first time since he regained a physical form, Shadow Milk's smile drops completely, replaced with a fake pout. Though it seems lighthearted, the stars in his eyes spark with annoyance.

"I would never! How could you say such a terrible thing about me, after all we've been through?" Shadow Milk laments with exaggerated sorrow, throwing Pure Vanilla into an awkward twirl as his free hand rests against his own forehead like a hapless maiden. Pure Vanilla's brain seems to scramble at the sudden movement, barely gathering his bearings as Shadow Milk's arm returns to his waist. He thinks he may be sick.

"Remember, I said you could try your little plan out, not that I ever agreed to it." Shadow Milk reminds him in a low croon, lined with condescension. "I even told you I thought it was a stupid idea! I may be the Beast of Deceit, but I never directly lied to you. I'm a little hurt you assumed I did. I thought you knew me better than that!"

And Pure Vanilla can't muster a response to that, spirit growing soggier by the second, because it is true. His hope had led him into assumptions that were misguided, how can he blame Shadow Milk for that?

Somewhere in the background, there is the rumble of an explosion.

"You might have been able to convince me, you know." Shadow Milk adds with a gossamer thin smile, his voice growing more serious. "There was just one eensy-weensy problem with your argument."

Pure Vanilla trips over something behind him with a frazzled yelp, unconsiously gripping Shadow Milk's shoulder as his hat falls off, and Shadow Milk uses the momentum to lower him into a dip, bowing over him as he finally pauses their dance.

"You assumed that I need to be fixed," Shadow Milk spits the words through his teeth with a slight growl, curling his lip disdainfully as he pushes their faces far too close together, "but there's nothing to fix. We paid the price for having power the Witches' themselves gave us, all because of their cowardice and fickleness." He huffs, smiling with a lack of mirth. "Good punishments always teach a lesson, you say, but our punishment was unjust, decided on a whim. What lesson could it possibly teach?"

Pure Vanilla stares at him wordlessly, ears buzzing nervously. He feels vaguely like he is in freefall, his body tensing in anticipation of hitting the ground.

Instead, like a switch is flipped, Shadow Milk's stormy expression clears back into that pleasant merriment.

"But enough about all that," Shadow Milk says with faux politeness as he straightens up smoothly, jerking Pure Vanilla back onto his feet and sweeping him back into a circling dance, "now is the time for celebration! Relax!"

Shadow Milk draws Pure Vanilla even closer to him, almost pressing their bodies together, and Pure Vanilla, despite himself, is struck by the warmth of it. Shadow Milk has always been cold to the touch in his dreams but here, in this new body, he is too warm, radiating a heat that suggests getting too close will burn.

Shadow Milk hums a jaunty tune in his ear as they sway to and fro, and Pure Vanilla's darts his gaze around in an attempt to ground his thoughts. He must focus. He isn't sure where the others are – are the children safe? Where is White Lily? Shadow Milk isn't the only one who escaped, of that he is certain, so it is likely they are surrounded by danger on all sides, and that isn't even taking Dark Enchantress' forces into consideration. But if Shadow Milk is focused on him here, that is at least one less Beast for them to handle.

There you are, he had said when he found him. Shadow Milk had been seeking him out specifically, and surely not just for an innocent dance, so why—

Pure Vanilla glances down with sinking dread and realisation, jam turning cold.

"You're here for the Soul Jam, aren't you?" He murmurs, more to himself than Shadow Milk, but he must hear anyway, because his humming trails off. Pure Vanilla doesn't give him time to process the words though, yanking his staff up and suddenly there is light.

It is an extremely clumsy spell that misses by a mile – Pure Vanilla isn't awfully practised in offensive magic, and on top of that, his dough is shaking with too many emotions – but it does the trick. The bright flash startles Shadow Milk just enough for his grip to loosen, and Pure Vanilla wastes no time in scrambling back and away.

He gets a good few paces away before he is stopped by firm tug on his wrist, almost knocking him over. The beginning of real fear begins to well within him as he looks down to find himself caught by a dozen strings, shimmering like spun silk, all leading back to Shadow Milk's own hands as he approaches through the parting haze.

"I didn't know you had that in you. Bravo!" He laughs as he claps, seeming to be at ease, the attack doing nothing to dampen his mood. He comes to a stop nearby, wrapping the strings around his hand once, twice before pulling Pure Vanilla forward in a long, smooth motion that allows Shadow Milk to tuck his arm behind his back as he leans forward to meet him. "But to answer your question..."

Shadow Milk reaches up to grab the clasp that holds his Soul Jam as Pure Vanilla strains against the strings, knowing that despite any fondness he might have for him, he had never planned to let him have this. He braces for it to be ripped off, he braces for it to be gently pried away for him – he isn't sure which would be worse.

He does not brace for Shadow Milk to bend down and press a delicate kiss against its smooth surface.

"I'm here for the Soul Jam and you." He smirks against it, eyes flicking up from its sapphire shine to Pure Vanilla's stunned face, frozen in place. "That shouldn't be a surprise to you, after all our time spent together."

"You must be joking." Pure Vanilla chokes out before he can say any more, voice stuffy with conflicting emotions, gripping his staff so tightly he's distantly worried it may snap. His head is swimming, so much so that he worries he will faint, even though he's never been prone to it. "You don't mean that."

"I do." Shadow Milk replies with breezy confidence, his expression falling neutral as he straightens up just enough to press their foreheads together. It is not quite as impactful with Pure Vanilla seeing through his staff, but the contact between their dough still burns. "I like you. So, because I like you, I've come to collect everything."

Pure Vanilla is seeing through his staff, so he knows he is not imagining the solemn furrow of his brow, the slight pinch of his mouth, the lifetimes behind his eyes, the lifetimes he has fallen for. He is sure, almost instinctively, that he is telling the truth, and the mere thought makes his insides collapse into themselves like an agonising supernova.

"Please," he begs helplessly, strangely hoarse, abandoning his staff's eye and welcoming the darkness, unable to look anymore, "don't do this to me. It's–"

–cruel, but the word gets stuck in his throat. It is an accidental cruelty, and it hurts, hurts more than anything else, more than words can describe, even more than the all-encompassing ache of Dark Enchantress' first appearance, and the realisation that she shared White Lily's shadow. At least, then, Dark Enchantress was clear in her hatred, never allowing an opportunity for hope to fester. For all the pain that caused, the distance kept his head clearer.

But what is he meant to do now, knowing that Shadow Milk Cookie, for all he has done and will do, is sincere when he says he likes him? It is an irony that burdens him like a curse, but he almost wishes that it was a lie. It would be painful either way, but surely being tricked outright and mocked for it would be easier to cut clean from, to compartmentalise.

An ugly, painful sob rattles through his chest, and he bites down on it before it can leave his mouth, shoulders curling inwards like a wilting plant. Shadow Milk's arms loop around them, weighing them down further.

"Look at me." He calls, calm and low and stern, a professor's tone, and Pure Vanilla shudders with another swallowed sob.

"Look at me, Pure Vanilla." He repeats, a little louder, but it is the use of his name that catches his attention like a snare. Shadow Milk doesn't often use his proper name, not when it is just the two of them.

Pure Vanilla finally opens his own eyes, slowly and with difficulty, gummy with unshed tears and unable to make out anything beyond colourful shapes. Shadow Milk's face takes up his whole vision either way, and it makes his pain worsen. He can't look at him, not now, with everything that makes up Pure Vanilla jumbled into a mess and the world around them jumbled to match.

Surprising himself, Pure Vanilla sluggishly shifts to bury his face in Shadow Milk's shoulder, his shaking hands dropping his staff to clumsily grip his back in tight fistfuls. It surprises Shadow Milk too, judging by his slight jolt, but his arms tighten like a noose around his neck, pulling him close into a hug.

"You're awful." Pure Vanilla croaks, muffled and aching, squeezing his eyes shut again and soaking in the searing heat of the other, eating him alive.

Between them, the Virtue of Knowledge hums discordantly, its fractured pieces reunited at last. Shadow Milk chuckles, a sound Pure Vanilla feels rather than hears.

"If I'm awful," he says lightly, rocking them from side to side in a soothing rhythm, "then you must be too."

fin.

#sorry in advance guys. this one is An Experience! #unfortunately the things i'm good at are Torment and Emotions so here we are #also i wanted the ending to be ambigious because this was meant to focus on the relationship #rather than the surrounding. apocalypse. so you can imagine what happens next as whatever you want :) #shadowvanilla #pureshadow #vanilla milkshake #echo paradox au #the biscuit library

[andersdotters]

I think most people would agree that gift giving is Zhongli's highest love language (giving). After that, I think would be words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, then physical touch. As for his highest love language (receiving), it'd probably be quality time.

#genshin impact #zhongli #zhongli x reader #ngl i was torn between which would be his lowest #i mean logically it is physical touch #thats the obvious response #that being said zhongli views acts of service to be primarily transactional #not in a passive aggressive sense mind you #but he only engages in acts of service if it is according to the contract he has set in place #if it is not within the terms of the contract he will not act #just look at his voice lines #the traveler pays for all expenses incurred while he's on the team #an interesting note though is that while zhongli ranks high in words of affirmation (he does truly mean what he says) like.... #everything must be taken with a grain of salt #esp when it has to do with his feelings toward a person #it's interesting as a whole #zhongli speaks openly and without hesitation regarding his thoughts and feelings if he's allowed to #and yet..... he never reveals any of his heart #he can say he has warm feelings towards you but you will never be sure the depth of them #so even though he ranks high in words of affirmation it paradoxically makes you even more insecure about your relationship #like he's not lying. he's not lying when he speaks of his warmth toward someone #but it's the equivalent to a grandfather to his toddler grandchild #or a human toward an ant

[jalapenobee]

do ygs ever think abt zen and inukai as partners before shit went down or is it just me

#what kind of duo do you think they were........mentor mentee............bffs..........some guy and his flashy friend.......... #i need to know what their relationship was like #do you think inukai took him out for drinks when they met. do you think he showed him the ropes and everything. #saying this based on the assumption inukai joined first (i think so? hes much older too) #oh god i need to know everything now #guys they were partners for FIVE YEARS or close to it you cant tell me nothing happened. there is a history there and i wanna know #paradox live

[marcmorrigan]

once again drawing my OCs half-dressed and draped over each other. as you do

OCs: maive (she/her) | seyva (they/them)

#my art #dailies #my ocs #KatH #maive #seyva #the two tiniest babes in KatH... only an inch apart #i think maive looks taller than she is when shes in her wheelchair (i get the same thing a lot!) #and seyva is so Overall Little that they come across even smaller than they are #but the truth is they are BOTH!!! ITTY BITTY. #i really love their relationship with each other and i dont talk about it as much as i do their relationships with eiden and rauel #but maive and seyvas friendship is the reason ANY of the relationships in KatH are able to happen #theyre also both. huge gossips. maive loves drama and seyva is her plug #girl who loves gossip and romance novels x child emporer who gets a front row seat to all the court drama. PEAK besties #also theyre arguably IN THEIR UNDERWEAR!!! in this art. #maives top and seyvas leggings are actual underwear and seyvas top and maives skirt are... under layers? undergarments... #point being theyre both usually in MORE CLOTHES than this. seyva wearing a belt without their chiton doesnt really make sense but like. #ygotas paradox voice: it makes theiw silhouette wead cleawew what do you want fwom me #ANYWAY. soundtrack for this one is 'colony' by paper bird. on repeat. like so many times. #which is cecils fault btw!!! good music taste haver smh... #OKAY thats enough tags i gotta actually post this. its been literally hours since i finished it ive just been sososo chatty. ILY BYE

[neptunesenceladus]

how many times can I make Tim die at the hands of his friends/kinda family before it goes past angst to just being ridiculous

#you know how kon breaks tim’s arm in tt03 #yeah what if he had killed tim #and tim had to keep reliving that day until he is able to minimise the damage to just a break #and kon will never know because no one else remembers tim’s time loops #i’m really interested in the affect on tim’s psyche and relationship to kon #and then also when jason attacks tim at the tower #idk it i want that to be a loop or the one time that tim nearly dies and doesn’t #ouroboros paradox #<- tag for the fic that i’m working on that this is related to

[bluejaygryphon]

oh My god. the umbrella apparel.

#flight rising #fr #dragon share #SHES SO CUUUUUUTE #This is also technically two umbrellas stacked on each other bc I wanted a deeper color than just the red one #This is Juniper she's a prestigious jazz singer in the Hewn City and also Jasper's ex and Resonance's trophy wife #Resonance is a frequent patron of the casino where Juniper performs quite often #and has also had Juniper perform at some of the parties she's hosted for other CEOs and upperclass residents of the Hewn City #Despite their relationship being basically COMPLETELY shallow. somehow theyre actually one of the most functional and healthy relationships #Yeah its shallow but like. They're both aware of that shallowness and are completely fine with that. They know what their relationship is #Meanwhile Paradox is the lesbian version of boomer 'i hate my wife' memes

[jacksintention]

Concerning the conversation about love and hatred, I've compiled a few of the lines I've saved through these last two years that at times make me think of Jack when it comes to this topic

Estas manos, que son tuyas,

pero que al verte quisieran

quebrar las ramas azules

y el murmullo de tus venas.

¡Te quiero! ¡Te quiero! ¡Aparta!

Que si matarte pudiera,

te pondría una mortaja

con los filos de violetas.

¡Ay, qué lamento, qué fuego

me sube por la cabeza!

(...)

¡Ay qué sinrazón! No quiero

contigo cama ni cena,

y no hay minuto del día

que estar contigo no quiera,

porque me arrastras y voy,

y me dices que me vuelva

y te sigo por el aire

como una brizna de hierba.

.

Love has no middle term; either it destroys, or it saves. All human destiny is this dilemma. This dilemma, destruction or salvation, no fate proposes more inexorably than love. Love is life, if it is not death. Cradle; coffin, too. The same sentiment says yes and no in the human heart. Of all the things God has made, the human heart is the one that sheds most light, and alas! most night.

.

It is sometimes said that the sword wears out the scabbard. That is my history. My passions have made me live, and my passions have killed me.

.

Stronger than lover’s love is lover’s hate. Incurable, in each, the wounds they make.

I adore you, but I hate you too. You’re a prison smothered in flowers. I can’t stand this enchantment anymore, I can’t stand being bewitched like this–when I look at you, my gaze turns to nothing but a mirror of light, I’ll stare at you hypnotized for ages, and when I stop seeing you I’ll feel you, and when I stop feeling you I’ll die.

.

Someone tells me: this kind of love is not viable. But how can you evaluate viability? Why is the viable a Good Thing? Why is it better to last than to burn?

.

Life is a series of obsessions one must do away with. Aren’t love, death, God, or saintliness interchangeable and circumstantial obsessions?

.

she is the only thing of importance, because I have a God-relationship to her.

.

it is not she who binds me, but I who have made use of her to bind myself.

.

The thought that you exist is so divinely blissful in itself that it is ridiculous to talk about the everyday sadness of separation—a week’s, ten days’—what does it matter? Since my whole life belongs to you.

.

What have you done with me? he asks. I have repeated you.

.

But I do feel strange-almost unearthly. I’ll never get used to being alive. It’s a mystery. Always startled to find I’ve survived

Walking home, for a moment / you almost believe you could start again. / And an intense love rushes to your heart, / and hope. It's unendurable, unendurable

.

I clung to him as though only the one who had inflicted the pain could comfort me for suffering it.

I could be free … If I could pluck out the memory of him from my heart as easily as his heart was plucked from the fire, I could be free.

.

I am imprisoned by devotion. I shy away from people. I am alone. I fall into depression.

She was the world That he was losing; and the world he sought Was all a tale for those who had been living, And had not lived. Once even he turned his horse, And would have brought his army back with him To make her free. They should be free together. But the Voice within him said: “You are not free. You have come to the world’s end, and it is best You are not free. Where the Light falls, death falls; And in the darkness comes the Light.

.

I miss you like a knife in my throat.

.

Only love can save me and love has destroyed me.

Should I be grateful or should I curse the fact that despite all misfortune I can still feel love, an unearthly love but still for earthly objects?

.

My songs are filled with poison - Why shouldn’t that be true? My heart bears a nest of serpents And also, darling, you.

.

their love is like hatred

.

She did not yet love him enough to be cruel to him.

.

our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love

.

under the sincere guise of hatred I simply loved […], only in this type of love (repulsion) I loved him with greater strength than had I loved him in the simplest form — attraction.

.

Perhaps he was handsome, perhaps I found him attractive, perhaps he repelled me too.

.

Struck by the abstract nature of absence; yet it’s so painful, lacerating. Which allows me to understand abstraction somewhat better: it is absence and pain, the pain of absence—perhaps therefore love?

.

Eroticism is the brink of the abyss. I’m leaning out over deranged horror (at this point my eyes roll back in my head). The abyss is the foundation of the possible. We’re brought to the edge of the same abyss by uncontrolled laughter or ecstasy. From this comes a “questioning” of everything possible. This is the stage of rupture, of letting go of things, of looking forward to death.

.

Love is madness. Doesn’t everyone agree that you’d do anything, endure anything, to be with the ones you love? So either you’re willing to let them use you with any sort of cruelty, so long as they keep you—which makes you a fool—or you’re willing to commit any cruelty, so long as you get to keep them—which makes you a monster. Either way, it’s madness.

.

This madness is so deep-rooted and so useful that it is impossible to realize what would become of each of us if it were someday to disappear.

.

If I must die of fire, why not let me die of yours: knowing that you are the author of my doom will make it more endurable to me

.

His desire for loyalty was naive, he hadn’t understood that being loyal wasn’t so tidy, being loyal means being disloyal to everything else.

.

I have always loved you / Always dreaded you

You will betray me, as I have betrayed, / And I shall kiss the hand that does me wrong

.

Listen: the way I loved you / was like my palm over a flame.

.

If I have the destruction of something that I once loved to carry with me at all times, isn’t it like I still have a companion?

.

One can fall in love and still hate.

.

and I will kill thee, And love thee after.

.

Yet, other characters, namely Heathcliff, Catherine, and Lockwood, remain more actively at war with love in their adult lives. Some force, as inexorable as the wind sweeping over the moors, seems to have bent their lives into a pattern of frustration that their own struggle for relief only aggravates. Their need for love is expressed, not through loving, but through the anguish of loneliness. Paradoxically, though they do not know it, this loneliness is the one condition necessary for the fulfillment of their most profound fantasy concerning perfect love: a love, that is, perfectly protected against the threat of abandonment that in childhood these sufferers learned that love entails.

.

I feel you there, in every pore. Your silence clamors in my ears. You can nail up your mouth, cut your tongue out — but you can’t prevent your being there. Can you stop your thoughts? I hear them ticking away like a clock, tick-tock, tick-tock, and I’m certain you hear mine.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask? I do not know, but I feel it happen and it is excruciating.

#These were just the ones I had more at hand. I have so many lines linking to this kind of dynamic #and overall the paradoxical yet logical bond between love and hatred or resentment #I think Cathy's and Heathclif.f's relationship has a lot of this but in general Wutherin.g Heigh.ts is full of these dynamics #(I adore what is going on with Isabella when we last see her in that regard. How true‚ the fact that these loves get messy) #Charles and Adam and even Cal and Aron from Eas.t of Ede.n too #I think there's much of this explored in certain arthuria.n texts #Overall it's something I adore. The blurring of lines when it comes to feelings and relationships #To me it feels way more human and way more... realistic #How things blur into each other and get messy and dark even at times and hard to define #I don't know... I really think the fandom as a whole is always paying too much attention to that line without reading the entire text #I also dislike the claims about Jack ever only loving her and doing it all for her ✨💕 I also think it simples a lot what it's happening #But it doesn't bother me nearly as much because I don't see it that often #I talk too much #I should probably delete this later #'too much attention to that line' I mean the one about hating her #Full of typos but I can't bother to change them I'm feeling very lazy #Tumblr never implemented the tag modification for the app. A pity

[fizzingwizard]

"My brother had no regard for her; his pleasures were not what they ought to have been, and from the first he treated her unkindly. The consequence of this, upon a mind so young, so lively, so inexperienced as Mrs. Brandon’s, was but too natural. She resigned herself at first to all the misery of her situation; and happy had it been if she had not lived to overcome those regrets which the remembrance of me occasioned. But can we wonder that, with such a husband to provoke inconstancy, and without a friend to advise or restrain her[...] she should fall?" - Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

#jane austen #sense and sensibility #literature #the level of sympathy and compassion and understanding of the human heart #we think of historical eras as either moral and right or depraved always one or the other #and that the morality of the first was upheld by the stern treatment of anyone who acted out #and by extension that depravity is brought on by a lack of rigidity #but the struggles and paradoxes that are part of being human were just as real and just as common and people DID understand them #its only the base and unimaginative who think everyone can be fit into one righteous box if they just try hard enough #never acknowledging times they failed their own standards or maybe without ever having been tested at all #its easy for someone who is happy to judge someone who is unhappy #and we have always known this and it's always been true but we're still dealing with the same unbending personalities who are so loud #just the other day i was in an internet fight where multiple people were claiming that if someone says no to regular sex they are cheating #the possibility that they just have a low sex drive or are going through something was called an exception too rare to matter #the possibility that people are different and not everyone wants the same amount of sex and sex is really very awful when you dont want it #was laughed and sneered at. whats more a partner who accepts their partners sex drive for what it is was called a beta lol #being compassionate and understanding of people you love = beta behavior LOL LOL #this is why we cant have nice things. relationships should be based on support and communication and openness #to the reality that people change sometimes in ways we like and sometimes in ways we dont. nothing is forever. #my two thoughts that entire thread: i hope the men who read this arent intimidated out of standing up for their female partners. and #i hope the women reading this understand you have to believe in yourself despite all of it. despite everything the world throws at you. #of course women can be mean and selfish just as much as men and of course mens needs and feelings matter and so does keeping commitments #but no one has a crystal ball and if you enter a relationship expecting things will always be A Certain Way you're in for a rude awakening #especially if all you do to promote what you want is to badger and pressure and shame your partner for being an imperfect human #tangent but its just these things are so timeless. we should know better now. there's got to be something wrong with us that we don't

[djpurple3]

My unwitting coworker: haha yeah i remember those movies

Me, about to launch into an infodump about Wallace & Gromit that willl take up both our breaks:

#true story #i feel sorry for her but she did say no no im interested #dj rambles #ppl shit on aardman for 'ruining' or 'taking up all the oxygen in the room' for stopmotion animation #...like aardman isnt fucking Good at what they do #god their relationship to Animals is So interesting tk me #fuck i could write essays on this shit #techincally i HAVE. i wrote abt flushed away for uni. god thats a good movie #aughhhh human animal paradox

[nexus-nebulae]

i need to locate more tertiary attraction types

#there's one specific relationship in headspace we cannot figure out a word for #bc paradox owen and percy are like. both aroace and percy is at this point mostly completely anattractional #but they have this really strong like i-would-die-for-you type bond #like. very intensely they are constantly throwing themselves into danger to save the other at every opportunity #but we have no real word for. what their relationship is #they don't really feel like siblings or best friends bc most of their other sibling or best friend relationships feel very different #and we don't really feel right with queerplatonic here bc that might fit but we usually define those relationships by affection #and there's not really. any Affection involved like. not a lot of physical touch not a lot of words #i dunno how to describe it really #just. really really really protective of each other

[howifeltabouthim]

Our love is entirely necessary and entirely impossible.

Iris Murdoch, from The Book and the Brotherhood

#paradox #love #forbidden love #relationship #impossible #there are impossibilities in the world #all consuming love #what a line #declaration of love #romance novel inspo #fanfic inspo #inspo #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #romantic #iris murdoch #the book and the brotherhood

[ehditaan]

I think I’ve figured out why I like social media so much sometimes. Especially things like TikTok which, at least in my feed, has a bit more silliness and tomfoolery and even sometimes genuineness than other apps (though tumblr is still always my fave). It’s because as an autistic person who’s been bullied and ostracized so much of my life, social media allows me to see a side of people they would never show me in person.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my close friends that I can get weird with. But even when I was friendly with my peers, I have always been an outsider to some extent, and I get the sense people found something off about me. Either way, I rarely got close enough with people for them to show their goofy side or be vulnerable with me. And I crave that real connection deeply. All the surface stuff puts me off. So I can get lost in social media at times because on an app I am as much a part of whatever’s happening as anyone else. Especially the apps where the people I’m following aren’t in my irl circles. Cause on Instagram I just get a view into all the people I went to school with, that I even considered friends, hanging out without me. And even on tumblr there are circles of mutual that I follow but am not a part of. On tiktok I just get these little glimpses into someone’s life or personality or brain. It’s nice. I want more of that in real life. And I often wish I had the courage to share more of myself.

Does anyone else feel this way?

#social media #paradoxical relationships #to be clear I know what I’m seeing is not necessarily actually real or genuine #but again it feels like equal footing at least #tiktok #actually autistic #autistic #neurodivergence #neurodivergent feels #ehdi talks #outsider #ostracized

[mauvecandela]

waking up the day after ur alter does some freak shit w this guy from another team and u have to do the aftercare for him (chungsung had a great time👍)

#nsft art #nsft #paralive nsft #paradox live nsft #chungsung baek nsft #yuto inukai nsft #hanchung #yutochung #theyre just very fail and funny to me #i just like the idea of 1 cs thirsting after the gklk adults in general and 2 his and yutos awkward fuckbuddy in law relationship #they are very polite to each other. and yuto will always apologize a lot for what hncho does even though cs wants to be destroyed #also im rly sad their height difference should be more than this but i couldnt make yuto any shorter w/o it bring awkward (i drew cs first) #but i am always glad to share my body hcs (pudgy scarred up yuto + cs w more piercings 👀) #anyways!!!!! disappears

[afterthegoldrushes]

i am so genuinely lonely and alone that my sister had to set me up with a friend. so.

#on another note why is it somehow easier for me to get into romantic relationships than to gain friendship. whats up w that #everybody want me but also nobody want me. a strange paradox #bud.txt

[newt-and-salamander]

I'm actually crying a bit rn because some if my uni friends just asked in our WhatsApp group if someone was going to CSD on Saturday. And I was super nervous because I haven't seen these guys in a bit (they are all writing their theses), but I always felt extremely comfortable with them (three of them are bi and we talked a lot and I actually considered for a few months last year if I am maybe bisexual too, because, yesss women are pretty.) Anyway. I said that I had already thought about going because I was curious, but that I also felt nervous because I've never been there before and I've only relatively recently discovered that asexuality exists and even more recently that I actually am, and that I was feeling a bit uncool.

And they immediately said "That's not uncool" and I hurried to say "Yes, of course being asexual isn't uncool, that's not what I meant", and then they said "No, you aren't uncool", and someone sent a picture of frogs in ace colours because they know I like frogs, and now they say I should just join them and I can leave if I get overwhelmed with the people and the noise (and now I'm crying again although I started typing this 30 mins ago).

Well, it looks like I'm going to my first Pride Event on Saturday. :)

#for the record I AM relatively uncool #I spend between 5 - 10 h a day at the library at least 6 days iof the week because i have no life and i take my studies RIDICULOUSLY sirious #I'm a terrible perfectionist and if that isn't uncool i don't know #but somehow they like me and they want me spend time with them :') #when that friend group formed last year i was so ELATED #i have friends but it's usual 1 to 1 relationships #I'm not usually a part of the group with the cool people #but i even celebrated my birthday with them and they think I'm funny and sometimes I'm just so confused because #of course my mum thinks I'm funny and the three nerdy friends i handpicked #but a whole group of people? wow #also they talk about sex a lot and whenever it came up and they asked me about my opinion I was like #Uhm honestly I don't know I've only been in one relationship so I guess I didn't have time to experiment or something #so I knew they are really liberal that way but paradoxically at the same time that made me even more nervous because #they are so interested in sex and i am not OH NO what if they think I'm boring #well there are many reasons to think me boring but they study with me so i guess they know about all these other reasons too #(i was the only one in the group who really enjoyed historical lectures) #okay ngl I'm still nervous #i rarely go to fairgrounds or demonstrations because of the noise and the people and this feels even more personal #but i think I will be alright :)) #huh #personal thoughts #asexuality

[allseeingdirt]

thinking about created gods. about gods created from peoples hopes and dreams. from belief. you exist because of them. because they created you. your power, they gave. your divinity, they gave. your task, to protect, to care, to nurture, to punish, they gave. and how wretched of an existence that must be. to exist only to serve. a beacon of light higher than anything and everything, and they curse you, and they beg for you, and they revel in your light demanding demanding demanding. and yet not to answer is to die. is to cease. is to disappear like forgotten hymns. and perhaps the desperate wish held in gritted teeth and knuckled fists to live, to live to live to live and hold existence and life and peace in your hands is the most universal trait of every living thing. because you serve. there is no other choice for you. can't you see? can't you see? you made me. you made me.

you made me in your image.

#having some feelings about CREATION and GODHOOD and PARADOXICAL PARENTHOOD in midnight at tumblr dot com again i see. #this was spurred by the fact ive been reading zelda fics again n their finicky relationship with the gods. hylia in particular. idk. #something about gods and humanity and the blur and dinstiction of the two fascinates me. and add in the gods r created from man trope i lik #2 ping pong my head once in a while n yeahh. #n comes my Feelings about parenthood and expectations and purpose. idk #if gods rlly were created by us. and they were sentient n entirely dependant on us to exist. wouldnt that be fucked up or what? #we created a living being for the sole reason to serve us. answer our prayers n whatnot. that in itself is already fucked up. #and then u get the ones who curse the gods. or rlly just Not Like them. n that would add another layer of fucked up wouldnt it? #you made me. you made me in a way that i could never be anything but what you made me. you made me this way. #gah i wish i can write. something w this premise. group of protags confront a god. confronted with the wretched understanding it has always #been us. it has always been us at the root of it all. another metaphour for children n parenthood yippee. lol