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#what happened to.. my body my choice lol
yourqueenb · 3 months
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You have no idea how happy I am to see that other people like you don't like blades 2 as well. Like yes it was decent, but on the same level as book 1 in the LEAST.
And I agree, book 3 seems like an excuse to get fans off of their back about the writing. The finale felt extremely disappointing, compared to the thrill you could feel in book 1 end
Yeah, I’m still gonna play book 3 and (foolishly) hope that it’ll be better. But those hopes aren’t too high because book 2 was not a good set up for book 3 at all in my opinion. There’s so much going on. I don’t like that Valax is a part of our friend group now. However, the group dynamics were off long before that if I’m being real. Mal’s route was ruined for me.
When I was going through and deleting my screenshots the other day, I reread the “You slept through it scene” and just felt a renewed sense of hurt and anger at him and really all of our friends. Mal caught a lot of heat from me specifically because he’s my LI and the one who said such an awful thing. But honestly, the rest of the group essentially agreed with him by expanding on what he said (Imtura and Nia) or not saying anything at all (Tyril) and only getting on one accord to exclude MC.
And then on top of all of that, there are quite a few holes that really should be patched up. The plot was a mess for the majority of the story. Tbh it was almost giving Endless Summer because they were locking important information behind diamond scenes and in the lore tablets.
So all this to say that at this point in time, I no longer have faith that PB can handle complex storytelling. Their parent company and higher ups (unsurprisingly) only care about money. And the writers themselves are too lazy and too biased. Does that mean they can no longer write enjoyable stories? No, of course not. But I do think they need to rein it in and be a bit more realistic about what they can handle right now because there’s nothing wrong with a simpler book/plot that’s aware of what it’s trying to accomplish. And it’s clear that they were far too ambitious with Blades 2
#choices bolas#choices blades#blades of light and shadow#choices stories you play#playchoices#if book 3 is as disappointing as or worse than book 2 I’m just gonna ignore them and only consider book 1 canon#and then just make up my own headcanon for what happened after lol#I think i and quite a few other people have been operating off of the notion that PB could tell great complex stories#but they weren’t because cheap smut is what sells#but now I can’t even believe that anymore#they just don’t have the range#and maybe I should’ve come to this conclusion sooner but 🤷🏽‍♀️#and back to the Mal thing for a second I’m being so serious when I say rereading that scene broke my heart all over again#when I first read it my initial reaction was anger so I couldn’t even really focus on anything immediately after that#but upon rereading my heart just sunk for MC#bc if the writers did one thing well it was making the rift between MC and the rest of the group palpable#and it was also very obvious that she was hurt by that and ended up internalizing Mal’s statement/the group’s sentiments on that year#‘Just a little blood No scars Nothing I was asleep for all of it My body works fine’#so I’ll just close out by saying enjoying the book was a challenge for me#and it shouldn’t have been because I *wanted* to enjoy it#book 1 was so good and it getting greenlit for a book 2 was such an unexpected surprise#plus we waited so long for it but it just did not meet expectations#choices#choices app#choices ask
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November prompt list challenge 2022, Day 14 - Cuddle
Y/N just wanted to rest for a bit on the mat of the daycare. Wrong decision. All the animatronics of the daycare are cuddle bugs. Y/N is now stuck for who knows how long. Body going numb by the minute. And they are too nice to ask for freedom.
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samwisefamgee · 10 months
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The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)
#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom#but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits#with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :)#because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol#either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it#fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left#in relative peace#I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY#all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect#years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck#and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche#I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind#i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who.#was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return#cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet#and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like#im fucked once again gang#to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore#if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes#straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam#not anymore at least#keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right#only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I#gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street#would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement.#this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you#does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it#or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes.#is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it#does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point
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the-kipsabian · 10 months
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love being a writer today
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tieronecrush · 3 months
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secret santa
dbf!joel miller x f!reader
summary: your parents throw a christmas party every year, and this is your first time in the “adult” secret santa exchange. the last few times home, you’ve found joel, your dad’s friend, staring a bit too long, flicking away when he’s caught. for the game, of course, you get joel’s name. and you’re going to make sure it’s the best gift he’s ever received.
rating: E
wc: 5.6k
warnings: daddy kink, age gap (sorry folks but i did want to try my hand at dbf!joel lol i pictured him around 50, reader around mid-late 20s), alcohol consumption, mentions of food, distant relationship with parents, party, christmas, gift giving, secret santa game, bit of deception on reader's part just to get joel alone, lingerie, body worship, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v, restraints (using clothes/undergarments), daddy!joel, soft!dom joel, praise, a few instances of degradation, dirty talk (as always)
a/n: (images in moodboard do not convey what reader looks like, only the vibe! no descriptions of reader) my first dbf!joel…milestone moment lol <3 hope y’all enjoy my take on the dbf trope! and tysm to my babies for beta-ing @northernbluess and @kiwisbell love you both 😚
dividers by @saradika
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Twenty years. This same godforsaken party has been happening every December for the last twenty years of your life, full of overserved middle aged parents, and never has it been less enjoyable than since you’ve been an “adult”. An adult still treated as a child, chastised, fawned over, always told to follow the golden rule. No, not treat others as they wish to be treated. Your family’s golden rule was speak only when spoken to.
And your father was the enforcer. Always required you home for the party, even away, out of state for college, away for the semester studying abroad halfway across the world. You were flown home and called upon to do the heavy lifting — groceries, liquor runs, cleaning the house, decorating to make it all feel magically festive.
At times, it felt like Cinderella had nothing on you. At least she had a prince.
The only time that this party has ever been remotely improved was when Joel Miller moved into the neighborhood. He’d snuck in under your radar due to the fact that it happened the few months you were living abroad, but coming back for the party and Christmas break, you were quickly introduced to him by your father. His new “best friend”. One among many. Each serving a unique purpose to get your dad ahead.
Upon meeting Joel, you were drawn to him immediately. Skeptical over the fact he found company with your dad, but much to your surprise, he was different. Maybe lonely and looking for a friend; you’d found he was living alone, his adult daughter, Sarah, in her final years at the University of Chicago — a choice that was hers but Joel admittedly feared, you learned. He only encouraged her, regardless of the fact he was anxious about losing his kiddo.
Not the same sentiments your dad had when dropping you off to school in the farthest, cheapest corner of the country you could find. He was nearly jumping up and kicking his feet together in glee to get you out of the house.
Joel, though, Joel was kind hearted and patient. He was curious and caring, asking you about school, work, your life every time he saw you over the years. Warmth radiated from him despite his more shy demeanor. Comfortable. You felt so comfortable with him.
Which is what made the smallest of lingering glances or the slightest of smiles turned smirks that much more exhilarating.
Maybe you were being naive or projecting your burning desire for him onto every interaction, but as you stitched yourself tighter into Joel’s life over the years, you haven’t been able to help but notice him checking you out at times or slipping a subtle flirty comment into conversations between the two of you. You would give it right back, and that would usually pump the breaks, bringing things back to surface level.
There was one time this past summer, after a neighborhood barbecue that your parents left early from, that you and Joel really had a moment. It was loud, music drowning out the back and forth you were having to the point where you couldn’t quite make out every word, and Joel must have felt the same because he made sure you heard his next words clearly — “Do you want to go somewhere quieter?”
Agreeing immediately, he pressed his large hand into the midpoint of your back, guiding you out of the confines of the party and to the open air of the street. He led you to his place and around back, pulling two lounge chairs next to his pool closer to each other.
That night, thanks to the alcohol buzzing in your system, you confessed more about your home life and your feelings around it. Joel was surprised, given the picture-perfect image your father paints for everyone, but he was comforting as always. Even as far as offering you his spare room if you ever needed a break.
That’s when you knew you were done for. Never in your life had you wanted to just kiss someone that badly. Let alone all of the thoughts that came along with it.
Harboring this crush for your dad’s friend, fifty plus and a father himself, you attempted to keep things growing closer when you came back. Friendly, polite, reciprocating any amount of flirty banter he threw your way. Even initiating it yourself.
You were so incredibly into Joel Miller. And returning home this time, you decided it was high time you acted on those feelings.
The noise of the bustling party dies down enough for your dad to introduce the game, as if the attendees haven’t been participating for nearly as long as you’ve been alive. But your dad loves the attention on him, cracking jokes that make you roll your eyes while everyone else gives him a laugh. Always so focused on himself. How everyone else sees him. Image obsessed enough to forget to assign anyone as a Secret Santa to his own daughter but not forgetting to give her someone to gift to.
Granted, you weren’t that upset about who you’d drawn.
Watching from afar, you see Joel survey the empty space under the tree, only the deep cherry red skirt laid out on the hardwood. Nothing for him. Everyone opens their presents, laughter and excitement bubbling across the room as the point of the game begins. Partygoers start to guess their gifters, hoping to nail down their Secret Santa in one go. Conversations are struck up as people meet their pair, ‘thank you’s exchanged along with the gifts. Joel observes from his spot with a few of your neighbors, also friends with your dad, and the sight of him shifting his weight on his feet is enough to draw up the courage to approach him.
Crossing the room, flashes of him checking you out, lingering in conversations with you about work and your new apartment in the city, seeking you out each time you visit home flood your mind, reassuring your choices the closer you get to him. The closer you get to completely jumping into the deep end, the last few steps teetering you at the edge.
Slowing to a stop next to him, a finger of yours gingerly taps his strong shoulder a few times, pulling his attention away completely. Joel turns his body to face you, away from others to solely focus on you in front of him. The subtle sign of his attraction to you has your nerves tingling, clearing your throat when he speaks up in greeting.
“Hey there, sweetheart. Y’alright?” he asks, eyebrow raised. Always so goddamn sweet.
You sigh, a tinge dramatic but attempting to sell the dismay and toying with the flute glass in your hand. “Lame surprise, but I’m your Secret Santa and I stupidly left your gift upstairs. It’s a bit obnoxious to bring down so d’you mind coming up to open it and you can grab it at the end of the night?”
Joel agrees with a jolt of nervous excitement down his spine. Shuddering out the feeling subtly, he clears his throat and nods, awaiting your lead. He thinks he catches the slightest drag of your eyes up and down his body, lingering at the expanse of his shoulders and the sliver of his chest that is exposed from the two undone buttons of his red flannel.
When no one’s paying attention, you bring Joel upstairs into your old room that you’re staying in while you’re back in town for the holidays. He stands around a bit awkwardly, sticking out like a sore thumb with his broad shoulders stretching his red flannel, thick thighs straining deliciously against the perfectly worn material of his Levi’s. Stark against the frilly softness of your room, with its bright white furnishings, and feminine touches. He’s all man. Nothing like the guys your age who think they’re like him.
Joel glances about the room before he asks, “So, what was so difficult to get under the tree, sweetheart? You didn’t have to get me anything so major.”
“I wanted to. I mean, noticed you eyeing what I got you for a while so figured the least I could do was give it to you…” Joel’s face twists up in confusion, perplexed by the riddled clue before you’re standing in front of him, reaching to the side of your plaid skirt and dragging down the zipper. Joel stutters out nonsense at your actions, lifting his hands in surrender.
“Doll, I think—you don’t—” His mumblings die in his throat when you drop the material to your ankles, revealing red satin panties. When you turn around, a bow sits at the top of your ass, tying up the material to stay on your hips while elasticated bands run along the outline of your cheeks to connect to the crotch. Very little of your bum is covered, showing off the supple flesh to Joel. He’s rendered speechless, averting his gaze after a second too long of staring, the mumblings starting up again.
“S’not a good idea, shouldn’t be up here right now…” Joel looks around, looking over his shoulder toward the door. One of your hands reaches up to gingerly cup his chin, turning his flushed face to yours again. His pupils are blown wide, eyes darkened with desire. Your own gaze flicks down between the two of you, smirking at the bulge growing at the crotch of his jeans. So desperately trying to fight against what he really wants. Even when you’re serving it up in a pretty little package.
He makes no movement toward the door, which you take as a sign of letting go of at least some of his apprehension. Fingers grip the hem of your sweater, pulling it up and over your head, discarding it on your carpet along with your skirt.
Matching red satin material, the bra you’re wearing has a similar structure to your panties. Held up with straps and the usual clasps at the back, the front is a large gift bow, pulled tight when you tied it earlier this evening to push up the flesh of your breasts. One tug at the tail end of both the ribbons, the one at your chest and at your ass, would fully expose you to Joel. Something you’re desperate to propose to him.
“Aren’t you gonna unwrap your present, Joel?” Picking up each of his hands in yours, you guide one to your lower back and one to your chest, coaxing his fingers to wrap around the ends of the bows. “Or do you not like your gift? I thought you wanted this…”
“No, no, no. I like it. I really fucking like it, sweetheart, I just…Everybody’s downstairs and—”
“I can be quiet. I’m a good girl, Joel.”
That flips a switch in him, hearing those words from you. His eyes darken further, pink tongue poking out to wet his lips. A burning stare combs over you, head to toe, alighting flames in your gut that lick against your insides. Heat crawls across the back of your neck, pooling in your collarbone, and craving oozes between your ribs and between each of your vertebrae. Joel’s right hand lifts from his side, skating up the length of your left arm and leaving goosebumps rising in its wake. Fingertips ghost over the strap of your bra, down to the center of your collarbone, and sitting there. That lasts only a second before his long, thick fingers wrap around the base of your throat, raising his loose grip to settle underneath your jaw.
The silence is heavy, airy breaths the only sounds passed between the two of you. His hand at your neck coaxes your head to tip back, staring up at him looking down at you. A flicker to your lips. A low, curious hum. Arousal pools in between your thighs as you wait with bated breath for something, anything to happen.
“You’re dangerous, doll.” His whisper is coated in lust, his gaze greedy as it drinks you in once again.
“I’m a gift,” you correct sweetly, feigning innocence as a smirk grows on your face at his dark chuckle.
“A gift that keeps on giving?” he questions. His hand twists to allow his thumb to find your bottom lip, dragging across its glossy, cherry surface.
“I guess you’ll have to find out…” Your mouth stays open after speaking, tongue slipping out to lick the tip of Joel’s thumb. He presses his finger further, pushing between your lips as you welcome it, sucking gently. Joel sighs, shoulders relaxing while his eyes flash with need.
“Christ…” he hisses under his breath, shaking his head subtly before clearing his throat. Speaking sternly, unwavering, he says, “Can I unwrap my present, babydoll?”
His thumb leaves your mouth with a quiet pop, hand finding its place again at the slack of the bow at your chest, other arm wrapping around to find the bow at your ass. A gentle tug moves the satiny smooth material a few centimeters, not enough to pull it fully undone.
“All yours, Joel. Picked out ‘specially for you.” Joel smirks at your candied reply, eager to give him exactly what he’s been wishing for. What you’ve caught him staring at the last few times you’ve come back home. What you have been wanting for just as long, if not longer.
“Such a sweet girl. Beautiful girl.”
The words send a tingle down your spine, stoking the flames inside of you. Your eyes stay trained on Joel’s face while his fingers draw the bow at your chest undone, the lengths of material hanging at your sides and exposing your breasts. He licks his lips at the sight of your pebbled nipples, rolling out a stifled groan from his chest.
“Fuck, baby…S’pretty.”
Joel’s hands fan across your lower back, holding your hips against his, pressing his bulge into your covered mound. His broad frame folds forward, draping you backwards in his arms as his mouth attaches to your chest. Humid, open-mouthed kisses are littered across your skin, nips taken at the tender flesh of your breasts. Closing his lips around one of your nipples, he sucks strongly, pulling a whimper from your throat.
“Thought you could be quiet, doll?” he rasps, raising an eyebrow as he looks up at you from your sternum.
Nodding furiously, you pout your lower lip out, whispering back, “I can be, I will be. I promise.”
“You promise? Don’t make promises you can’t keep, baby.” Joel stands up straight, pulling you with him to press against his torso. Catching your lips in a deep kiss, Joel breathes a sigh into your mouth, melting his tongue against yours and drinking in the taste of you.
Dripping with saccharine sugar. Coated with syrupy goodness, plump and succulent like a maraschino cherry. A toothache, or maybe even a heartache waiting to happen.
He’s fucking screwed, but damn if it doesn’t feel good as he nails himself to his own persecution from whoever may find out about this.
Handfuls of your undulating curves fill his palms as he kisses you, groaning into your mouth as he grabs at the swell of your ass. Silky satin brushes against his hand, reminding him of the other part of his present to unwrap. Pulling away from your mouth with one last lick of your candied taste, he has the mind to imagine what the rest of your flavors all across your body might be.
Joel turns you in his arms, back flush to his chest as he grinds his bulge against the lustrous fabric, smirking to himself as you whimper quietly, so hushed he can barely hear it over his heartbeat thudding in his ears. Lips coast over the shell of your ear, nibbling your lobe before pressing a kiss right below.
“Can I undo your other pretty bow, babygirl? Unwrap the rest of my present?” Joel nips again when you breathe out consent. He walks you closer to the bed, hitting your knees against the frame before he takes one step back, touch still lingering on your skin. From behind you, he sighs appreciatively as he drinks in your form, licking his lips as his eyes devour you.
Pinching the ribbon between his thick fingers, he flicks it against your skin, satisfied with the way you react with goosebumps raised. One gentle tug unravels it all, exposing your cheeks to him fully and with the drop of the material from between his fingertips, your panties fall to the floor. One hand wrapping around your thigh, Joel coaxes you to step out to the side with it, kicking the fabric from your ankle.
He kneels behind you, pressing his lips against the swell of your ass. Flooded with the scent of your skin, vanilla and cinnamon, the smell of Christmas. Nose smashed into the supple flesh, teeth sinking into the curve, a gentle bite stealing another taste of you. A curse is mumbled against you, a sweet kiss pressed on the tiny birthmark on your ass, tongue tracing into the fading bite mark.
“Joel…” you whine above him, hand reaching back and nimble fingers tangling into his messy, gray curls.
“I know, doll. Got lost there for a second. You’re so perfect…”
He sighs again, standing up with a quiet crack in his joints. A blatant reminder of the difference between you two. Young versus old. Sprightly versus verging on doddering. Even if he is eager, there’s no denying the difference.
There’s no doubt in your mind that Joel’s about to be more of a gift to you than you are to him. The way he’s touching you, delicate worship before he’s even gotten to what he truly wants, taking his time despite the pressure of the party downstairs. Serves as a reassurance that he wants this as much as you do, wants to take his sweet time if this is going to be his only chance.
You pray to god it isn’t. Even before you’ve even laid eyes on his cock, you just know. He’s going to fuck you senseless. Ruin every other man for you.
In a blur, he guides you to fall forward onto the mattress, hooking fingers to remove your panties from your other ankle while you scoot toward the center. He finds solace between your legs, propping your hips up into a kneeling position to give him easier leverage. 
“Think this might be my favorite present I’ve been given, doll. So fucking gorgeous. Looking delectable…Can I have a taste, darling? You as sweet as you seem?”
Your head is turned sideways, laying against the plush comforter, opening your mouth to whisper to him in the same moment he swipes his tongue through your folds, groaning into your inner thigh before he dives back in, working to devour you like a man starved, quenching his thirst on your arousal. Flicking his tongue against your pearl, coated in your translucence, suckling at it with pure need. Turning to press the front of your face into your bedding, it muffles your moans and whines, raising in pitch as he fucks your tight cunt with his strong tongue, lapping at you with the same fervor he’d lick the color from a candy cane.
“Fuck, Joel, fuck fuck fuck!” you shout in a scouring voice, scratching your vocal chords together with a strain. Curling your fingers into the softened, washed fabric, you gasp when one of his solid fingers slips into your walls. He groans, holding back his louder reaction to your gripping walls, hypnotized by the way you even stretch around his fingers when he adds another.
Head against your thigh, he studies the way you take his middle and ring fingers, the velvety slick of your pussy, and the spongy spot he finds, curling his digits to press into it and watch you squirm helplessly from the sensitive pleasure.
“Talkin’ all well mannered and pretty. So quiet and polite all the time. With your ‘yes’sir’s and ‘please’s and ‘thank you’s. You think about saying those to me while you’re under me like this?”
“Yes, yes’sir. All the fucking time. Every time I—I looked at you, felt myself…felt myself gettin’ so fucking wet. Was always dripping around you, waiting for something to happen. For you to take me so I can be a good girl for you, sir,” you confess, obedience and need sitting every word so prettily into his ears. “M’so—Fuck m’gonna come, Joel.”
He nods slowly, taking last looks at your cunt before he moves his fingers in and out quicker, dipping his chin down for his mouth to find your clit against, lapping at your dripping wetness and sucking hard. At the next press of his fingers against that spot inside of you, your vision grows blurred, white haze painting everything with a dreamlike filter. You bite into the linen fabric of your comforter, gagging yourself to keep quiet as you come, digging the balls of your feet to the mattress to push yourself away from Joel who continues to work you through it. He grabs at you, tugging you back to get his fill until you sob, overstimulation drawing tears up to the corners of your eyes.
“All kept and composed and ladylike. Been taught to behave, haven’t you? Bet you fucking love to be such a little slut. Anybody ever let you? Such a dirty girl, aren’t you, babydoll?” Joel’s voice sounds distanced at first, senses falling back into place in your body as you come down completely. His work-worn hands coast over your body, roughening against your soft skin like sandpaper moving with the grain. Little resistance but catching in places it favors.
“Just—Just for you, Daddy.” It slips out smoothly from your mouth, the weight of the title heavy against your tongue in the same way you imagine his cock would feel. Filling. Satisfying.
Joel rises slowly from where he’s bent behind you, letting one leg fall behind him as he stands, the other propped on the bed. His eyes narrow in on yours, lips parted and tongue darting out as he replays what you said.
Daddy.
First, you’re already on his mind and years younger, yet he couldn’t stop picturing you in this exact position. Next, you’re the one to make the first move, dragging him away from this Christmas party and presenting him with a Secret Santa gift that feels way out of the budget. You’re priceless. And now, you’re laid out for him, already nearly at the level of fucked out from him only using his mouth and fingers, and you’re fucking calling him Daddy.
Best Christmas of his goddamn life.
“Now, darlin’, were you saving that to be the cherry on top of the cake? ‘Cause that’s just about the sweetest thing. My pretty lil’ babydoll saying she’s Daddy’s dirty girl,” he scoffs in disbelief, shaking his head while his fingers work his button open on his jeans, dragging the zipper down against his throbbing bulge. “Gonna have to be quiet, yeah? Gotta keep your sweet mouth closed while Daddy fucks you, doll.”
“I’ll be quiet, promise. Please, Daddy.” Your pleas widen Joel’s smirk, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips once again. He pushes his denim down with his cotton boxers in their wake, sighing softly when his hard cock is fully freed. His tip is aching and red, leaking precum and leaving a wet spot on his underwear. With one hand, he starts to slowly stroke himself, holding in a moan enough that it leaves his lips as a soft exhale.
“Good girl…” he mumbles, studying your form. “Move back toward me, babygirl. Hands behind your back.”
Complying with his direction, you inch back until Joel places a hand on your lower back. At that, you lay forward again, the side of your face pressing against the duvet as Joel steps back from the bed and searches the floor. A dribble of drool drips from the corner of your lips as you watch him, one large hand around his cock, spreading his precum along his length. Part of you has the mind to beg for him in your mouth, to completely disregard the need pulsating your cunt at the moment, and to feel his warm spend coating your throat as he finishes fucking it.
But you’re fucking selfish. This is also a gift for you, so win-win.
Pressing your wrists together at your lower back, you observe as Joel locates what he is looking for, standing up with a devilish smirk. Your panties.
He towers over you again when he steps back to you, one hand coasting over the curve of your ass, a gentle smack delivered that makes a quiet yelp escape from your lips. The same hand skims back up your skin, easily grabbing both of your wrists in his long fingers and holding them closer while he slips the silky material behind. In a quick motion, he has your arms tied together with a bow, a content smile on his face as he makes eye contact with you.
“Wrapped all up again, babydoll. Such a pretty gift for me.”
“Well you’ve got a pretty package, Daddy,” you reply with a mischievous giggle, earning a breathy chuckle from Joel behind you. He grips the knot of your makeshift restraint, tugging taut to arch your back and pull your hips closer. His other hand wraps around the base of himself, dragging the head of him through your drenched folds, circling your clit, and chuckling again at the jump of your thighs.
“Please, Daddy, I need—” you start pleading, muffled into linen before you’re cut off by the stretch of Joel’s cock filling your tight hole, a gasp escaping your lungs with a punch. Your mouth is stuffed with the duvet from your bite down, nursing your tongue against the material as he slowly presses into you, inch by inch. There’s an ever-so-slight pain candy-coating the pleasure, melting away to get to the gooey, oozing center that spreads over your entire body.
Pausing when he reaches the hilt of himself, Joel sighs, rolling his head back as he internally thanks whatever Christmas magic must be out there for this moment.
“So fucking tight, baby.” 
Your dampened whine shoots a wave of intense need throughout him, growling low as he holds your restraint tighter, dragging his hips back before he starts a punishing pace. Control escapes him, desire taking over his actions as he starts to properly fuck you. His cock teaching you how to take every single inch of it.
Messes of his name and your moans are stifled and stuttered into the comforter gagging you, chest hovering over the mattress as Joel holds tight to the knot in your panties.
“Can’t hold back any longer, baby, jus’—fuck—jus’ gonna take Daddy’s cock like a good girl, aren’t ya?” The only precision remains in the soft cracks of skin on skin, not loud enough to draw any attention from the party downstairs. Poppy carols play faintly in the background, the only other soundtrack being the vulgar mumbles slipping from Joel’s lips.
Drawing you closer and closer, the edge is tasted on your tongue, so close but barely in reach as the man behind you rocks his hips, the tip of his hard cock brushing that same spongy spot inside of you that he managed to reach with his fingers, bruising into your cervix with each snap.
At the next drag-out, Joel pulls away from you completely. When you whine with protest, he’s tugging you to stand up on your knees, whispering in your ear amid his quick movements, “Need to see your face when I make you come all over my cock…”
Before you can be left with any thoughts to a response, he’s flipping you onto your back, hands tied still, and tugging you near again. He steals a pillow from the top of your bed, shoving it under your hips to lift your pelvis, gifting himself the perfect angle to thrust into you again from the height he stands at.
The new angle punches out moans from your chest, Joel’s name littering the empty room as you try so hard to remain quiet.
“Shh, I know, doll, I know. Feels so fucking good, doesn’t it? Y’love bein’ Daddy’s little slut.” Nodding furiously, another louder moan leaves your mouth, brows knit together with worry as you hurtle closer and closer to the edge.
A large palm moves to cover your mouth, shaking his head slowly to remind you of your promise to be his good girl, his quiet girl. 
“Pleasepleaseplease, Daddy…” He feels the vibrations of your voice against his hand, the words muddled into slight nonsense from pleasure clouding your brain. Joel holds onto one of your legs, pulling it up to hook onto his shoulder and press forward to get deeper inside of you. The switch has you screaming into his palm, eyes squeezing shut as you squirm under him.
“Eyes on me, babygirl. Keep your eyes on Daddy.”
Joel’s hips pound into you, chasing his own climax. Your eyes snap open at his instruction, mouthing at his hand and moaning loudly behind it, nodding your head furiously. Your tight walls squeeze around his hard cock, his grunts held back to keep quiet despite the noise of the party downstairs growing in volume.
“Come on, doll. Come on my cock…Fuck, you gonna let Daddy fill up your pretty little cunt?” The quick, speechless nods answers his question, both of you toeing the edge.
There’s a moment when both of you seize up, muscles tense and eyes burning into each other’s. It only lasts a split second before it explodes with a pop, at the same second a champagne bottle pops downstairs. Joel breathes out your name, over and over, mingling with your whimpers of his name and Daddy switching back and forth in your mind. Interchangeable to you.
Pleasure fizzes over your bodies like bubbles in the flutes being filled, the bubbling aerations trickling up up up to your head, making you feel lighter than air as pure bliss overwhelms you. Tingles aftershock across your nerves, a shiver sent down your spine as Joel pulls out.
Quietly, he groans as he watches his excess spend drip out of you, mixing with your come and glistening against your folds. One thick finger swipes at the spot, pushing the swirl of you back inside of your walls.
A soft whimper slips from your lips and Joel’s eyes meet yours in a flash, a gentle smile stretching across your face. He coaxes you to sit up and unties your hands behind your back, slowly massaging your wrists with his thumbs and kissing where the skin rubbed against the fabric. The tender touches accompany the soothing, comfortable silence.
Redressing you, Joel attempts to tie the bows of your bra and panties, huffing softly in frustration. You giggle when he’s working on your bra, taking his chin gingerly between your fingers and turning his head to look at you. Leaning in, his lips catch yours in a sweet, sugary gumdrop kiss. 
It’s another moment before both of you are fully dressed again. You study yourself in the mirror above your dresser, smoothing your hair down. Joel steps up behind you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist and kissing your shoulder through the knit sweater. He turns you around to face him again, grinning shyly as his eyes comb over your face.
The two of you share another kiss, his calloused hand cradling your cheek when he pulls away.
“You gonna be under my tree again on Christmas day, doll?”
“Depends…Were you naughty or nice this year?” you counter, earning a quiet laugh from Joel as he shakes his head.
“Think what just happened has put me on the naughty list for a long time, babygirl. And you, too.” He shoots you a cheeky wink and you laugh, shaking your head as you lock your fingers together in front of you.
“I did actually get you something though…” you admit shyly, rocking back and forth on the heels of your feet.
Joel grins, eyes flicking down to your anxious hands. His thumb brushes against the skin of your cheek, eyes meeting yours again as he replies, “You have another gift for me? Didn’t need to do that, doll.”
“I mean…Kinda needed a backup plan if this whole thing didn’t work out.” A chuckle is shared between both of you before you continue, “Sorry for spoiling the whole guessing game of Secret Santa.”
“Darlin’, you could spoil any games for me if it ends up with this kinda surprise.” Joel smirks before stealing another quick kiss, pulling away when you step back to fish out the small, meticulously wrapped giftbox from the top right drawer of your dresser.
Handing over the square package, Joel’s eyes glitter with boyish excitement. The corner of his mouth pulls up to one side while his thick fingers slip under the creases of the paper to rip the tape, undoing the festive wrapping to reveal the lidded giftbox that he opens quickly. Inside, Joel studies the contents. Small triangles with rounded corners made from thin nylon plastic. A deep emerald green, all sitting like precious gemstones. His initials are branded into one side with gold paint, the flip side emblemed with the silhouette of an owl.
“Sweetheart…Thank you. These are real nice…” he speaks softly while he picks one up between his index and thumb, turning it between the tips of his fingers. “They’re perfect. Gonna be sad if I end up losing one of these like all my other picks.”
You smile sweetly, stepping closer again and resting your hands on his biceps, “Guess you’ll have to take good care of ‘em.”
As he looks at you, he mirrors your smile, sharing one more gentle kiss before whispering against your lips, “Can think of another something I have to take good care of.”
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eddiesxangel · 3 months
Text
My Little Bunny | Older!Eddie x Reader
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For Evie, @oneforthemunny prompt for her writing challenge. “based off the lore that older!eddie gets slutty on tequila lol. gimme tequila eddie. make it slutty. the og prompt was at the beach for a wedding of a cousin, if you’d like to follow that, but if not- where does it happen? how do you think it would go? don’t spare a single detail please!!!!” I hope I did your man justice 😘 happy one year!
Happy new year! Here is some smut to start the year off right.
This is pure filth, don’t look at me🫣
Cw: age gap, oral, p in v, ass play, anal. Minors DNI. Only slightly proofread so if you see a spelling mistake… no you didn’t 😤
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“Bunnnnnnnnnnnnnny” Eddie slurred. The man could not handle his liquor. But neither could you.
After what happened and the wedding, Eddie swore he wouldn’t drink tequila for a very long time. However, tonight was special. Tonight, the baby was with your parents, and Bri was off with your sister for the evening. It was just you. And Eddie. Alone for the first time in what felt like years. Eddie was wining and dining with you tonight.
You convinced him to go to a bar to dance. Well, you danced, he watched. He watched your body; he loved the new curves you got from bringing Delilah into the world. You returned to the bar where he was sitting and ordered four tequila shots. Eddie had been nursing a beer all night; he was shocked at your drink of choice.
“Bunny you know what happens when I drink this…” giving you a stern look.
“Maybe I wanna get a little freaky tonight…. It’s been so long” you run your hands up and down his chest.
“I don’t know”
“What if I gave you an insensitive?”
“And what would that be?”
“I want you to fuck my ass tonight” you whispered against your husband’s ear.
“Bunnnnnnnnnnnnnny” Eddie slured again as you both stumbled into your home.
“Fuck I need you. I need your tight ass so bad”
You can’t keep your hands off one another. Your lips are attached to his neck, and your hands run up and down his body. You barely make it through the front door before your hands are trying to get down his pants.
Somehow, you make it to the bedroom. You were stripping your man with each step. Something inside of you was burning, and Eddie was the only thing to put it out. A visceral ache in your core, screaming at you to do something about it.
“I need you, I need you so bad,” you whined because he wasn’t moving fast enough. You were already on the bed waiting for him.
Eddie giggled as he tried to unbutton his dress shirt, but it didn’t seem to work.
“Come here,” Eddie coxed you closer to him. “I need your help.”
“Arms up,” your mom instincts kicked in, and you pulled off Eddie’s shirt in one swift motion.
Without hesitation, you worked on his pants the second your fingertips left the fabric of his shirt. Your nimble fingers worked his belt, button, and zipper, and finally, why you craved most was released before you.
"God, you're so hot! How did I land a wife so fucking hot?"
You let Eddie cup your face, kissing you as he pushes you back onto the bed. His tongue parted your lips, and you gladly let him take charge.
It was needy and messy but so deliciously delightful. You missed your hundreds touch. You’d been so busy being a new mom, and Eddie tried picking up extra shifts to make a little more cash so you could take a nice vacation this summer. You hardly spent time together. You needed this. He needed this. The fire in his belly was also burning the second you mentioned your perfect tight little hole wanting to be stretched and pounded by his cock.
“You gonna be my good little bunny?” Eddie spoke as he slinked down your body so his face was level with your throbbing pussy.
“Yes!” You had zero patients, and he thought it was cute.
“Well then... You gotta get nice and wet, f’me”
“Already ammmmm” you wined again. Why was he prolonging this?
“Oh is she? I guess I’ll just have to see for myself.” Eddie didn’t spare another second. His hands wrenched your legs open, pressing them as far as they could reach.
You let out a moan of pleasure when his mouth finally attached to your lower lips.
Eddie needed to taste you. He usually didn’t do this often, but tonight you deserved to be thoroughly fucked. He needed to feel you cumming in his mouth, to taste you, to feel you. His eyes rolled back into his head as he moaned into your pussy.
“Looks like you were right, baby bunny, and you taste so good. Just can’t get enough,” Eddie dove back in, flicking and licking at your clit. Your body was so reactive to him tonight. Let’s thank the tequila because it didn’t take much to make you cum from his mouth.
“Baby, I’m so close”
“Already? But I just started playing with her” he pouted.
“Yes! P-please.” You stuttered.
“You wanna cum? You going to cum for me?”
Unexpectedly, Eddie replaced his mouth with his finger just as you were on the brink. Before you could say anything, his finger was inside your wet fold, collecting all of your slick, and was quickly replaced by his mouth again.
You could feel the warmth building back up. Eddie continued to work your clit. All the while, his finger, drenched with your own natural lube, was starting to tease your other hole.
“Oh my god,” you moan as his finger slowly makes its way inside.
“You okay?”
“Don’t stop!” You begged as your first orgasm washes through you.
“Fuck, your tight little ass is sucking me in so good,” Eddie continues to finger you as you ride out your orgasm.
“Good bunny. Turn around, ass up, show me what’s mine.”
You quickly obeyed his orders and flipped around so you could show him what he wanted. You loved when he got possessive.
“Tell me what you want bunny”
“You.”
“Nu-uh,” Eddie tutted. “Be more specific.”
“Edddiiiieee, please, I need you.”
Eddie couldn’t believe your extra brattiness tonight.
“No,” a sharp slap filled the room and your ass stung. “Tell me what you need, Bunny,” he spoke, and he massaged the area he slapped. Soothing your skin.
“Your tongue… and your fingers,” you pant.
“Good little bunny,” he smirked. “You want me to tongue fuck your tight little hole? Get you nice and ready for me?”
“Yes,” you sigh as you arch your back more so Eddie can see more of you.
“Fuck bunny, you’re perfect.” Eddie gripped each cheek, spreading you open before dipping his head down.
When you felt his tongue make contact with your hole, you cried out again. You were revelling in the fact you were in an empty house. You could be as loud as you wanted.
“Mmmmmm, you taste so good, Bunny,” he moaned into you.
“Eddie!”
“Yes, Bunny?”
“More!”
“More what?”
“Please fuck my pussy”
“You’re such a good little slut for me. Good girl telling me what you want…. But is that all you want?” God, he was so condescending.
You let out an irritated huff. “Eddie, please,” you begged as you wiggled your ass in the air to entice him.
“You need to behave, little bunny, or else you’re not going to get what you want.” Eddie’s hands gripped your cheeks tighter.
“I’m sorry, I just need you so badly baby”
“Ohhh, I like that; tell me more.”
“I need you so bad! I’m aching for you. Please.”
“That’s my good girl.
Eddie lined up his cock with your wanton hole and slowly stretched you out.
“Thank you.” You sighed with relief.
His thick long cock stretched out your walls. You couldn’t help yourself as you rocked your body back and forth onto his cock.
“That’s it, bunny. Show me what you really can do” he slapped your ass again. You rocked your knees and hips back onto Eddie’s cock as he stood at the edge of your shared bed.
“Mmmmmm”
“More!”
You felt a wad of spit drip down your ass, lower and lower, until Eddie’s fingers found it and rimmed your picked hole. As you rocked your body against Eddie’s cock he dipped in his single digit, adding another and another until you stretched out.
Your body is screaming; Eddie was making you feel so good.
“Ok, bunny, you’re going to ride me, bounce on this cock and show me how good of a Bunny you are.”
“Yes, please. Need you.”
Eddie pulled out so he could get underneath you, but not before he reached the nightstand to pull out the lube you had stashed away for nights like these.
“You ready for me, baby?” He asked as he covered his cock in the slippery substance.
“Yes,” you swung your leg around his hips, aligning yourself with his hard cock that lay on his stomach.
“My beautiful girl,” he whispered as he guided your hips down onto him.
“Oh fuck” you both grit out in unison.
You watched as Eddie glazed over with lust.
“Fucking so good. Damn, tight.” Eddie gritted through his teeth.
He planted his feet on the mattress to ground himself. His hips started thrusting up into you, matching your strokes.
“Fuck fuck fuck I love the way you take my cock. Tell me how much you love this cock.”
“I love it,” you panted as you bounced on his cock. You felt so full, so complete. So ready for his cock to fill you.
“Baby, touch me,” you commanded.
Eddie dipped his head to take a nipple in his mouth as his hand found your pussy, finding your clit. A rush of pleasure ran through your body as his mouth and hands explored your body.
“Oh baby,” you threw your head back with pleasure.
“How much do you want it, baby bunny?”
“I want it so bad!”
“What do you want?”
“Your cum”
“Sucha little slut, want me to fill your ass with my cum?”
“Yes!”
Eddie’s hand never stopped working your clit. You could feel the pleasure build and build. Your legs were burning, but it was in measure to how Eddie was making you feel.
“You’re close baby I can feel you clenching down on me so tight.” He squeezed his eyes shut with pleasure.
“Cum for me, baby, cum for me, then I’ll fill you up so good you’ll be leaking for days. Do you want that? To feel my cum dripping out of you tomorrow?”
“Fuck. Eddie!” You cried out as your body clenched around his cock, cumming hard.
"Eddie continued to pound into your ass until he unloaded up into you, filling you up just like you begged him to do.
Your body went limp and your soar muscles rested as you lay your weight fully on your husband.
"Remind me again. Why don't I do tequila?" Eddie laughed as his brain released serotonin. "That was amazing." He kissed the top of your head.
"Remember that question tomorrow, big boy." You giggled, and Eddie finally pulled out of you.
"Come on, Bunny, let's get you cleaned up. " Even in his drunken state, he still needed to take care of you.
"Can't move. You fucked me too well." you sighed.
"I think you did most of the work Bun, you fucked me."
"I did, didn't I?" You smile at the realization.
"Don't get cocky now" He slapped your ass, and you jumped up out of bed with Eddie following close behind you.
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star-girl69 · 3 months
Text
The Last Time
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader
—-
Part One - The Last Time
Part Two - Cowboy Like Me
Part Three - Tomorrow Never Came (coming soon!)
Part Four - Living Legend (coming soon!)
Part Five - Pretty When You Cry (coming soon!)
—-
synopsis: the last night you spend with clarisse before she goes on a quest
a/n: had to put my own take on the clarisse leaving reader behind to go on a quest SORRY Y’ALLLLL this is like devastating fr tho i’m kinda sorry like 😭
The Last Time - Taylor Swift (Feat. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol)
warnings: angst, like so much angst i’m gonna say it 5 times, angst angst angst angst angst, angst, hurt comfort and also hurt NO comfort bc i’m evil, kissing, cutesy until it’s not but it never really is, i felt like choosing pain, y’all should start calling me she-devil this is just so mean and evil, swearing, fighting, allusions to death, daddy issues lol, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
June 4, 12:08 PM
It’s a cold summer night. You sneak out of your bed, sheets slipping off of your shaking body, the same memories playing in your mind. It always comes down to this, the nights.
In the dreams, she doesn’t come back to you, and the nights without her are so cold, so lonely, so horrible you can stand it. They’re only in your mind, but they hurt just as bad. It’s not every night you slip into each others beds, but whenever you have a nightmare, you find your way to hers. Whenever she has a nightmare, she finds her way to yours.
You both have nightmares about the same things.
The usual cryptic prophesies, the various monsters you just can’t seem to kill, and losing each other. Demigods die. They die easily. You both know that.
Some people swear off love.
And Clarisse told you she wishes she could, she wishes she could pretend you aren’t her entire heart, but she never had a choice. You are her Achilles heel, her one weakness.
You couldn’t either. You took one look at the beautiful daughter of Ares and never looked back again.
Still, there’s a certain desperation in every demigod relationship. Touches are just a bit tighter, hugs a bit longer. Because you all have lost so much, and you all feel absence heavily. Every time could be the last time.
Your footsteps creek against the porch of the Ares cabin. You open the door only a crack, slipping in silently the way you always do, avoiding the creaky floorboards.
Clarisse is awake in her bed, the corner of the cabin. She’s staring at the moon fiddling with her fingers. You frown, but Clarisse turns to you.
You’re sure you look as wrecked as you feel.
“Oh, baby,” she murmurs. “C’mere, what happened?”
You always ask each other, but you both know.
You crawl towards her, sitting in between her legs, arms around her neck, head pressed to her chest. She holds you up so you don’t have to. You can’t, not right now.
She kisses your forehead and her hand smooths down your hair.
“You went on a quest,” you whisper. You miss the way she stiffens. “You didn’t come back.”
She doesn’t tell you she’s not going on a quest. She doesn’t tell you she’s going to come back.
“I’m here,” she says. “Do you feel my heart? I’m here, and I feel yours. It’s beating so fast, baby, you have to take a deep breath.”
Tears well in your eyes. You dig your nails into her soldiers.
“Oh, Gods, please don’t leave me,” you cry.
She doesn’t tell you she won’t.
“I’m here, I’m here right now. I’m here right now, listen to my heart, baby, listen to my heart.”
Clarisse swallows back the bile in her throat. She tries not to lie to you, she tries. But sometimes, on cold summer nights when you find your way into her bed, and she doubts you’ll remember this in the morning-
“I’ll always be here, Y/N. I’ll always be here.”
—-
June 11, 5:46 PM
If you thought the nights without Clarisse were bad, then the days are even worse. You miss her. You never realized how much she was there, silently, always watching, not until you told her to stay away from you.
You sit at the dinner table, the sun setting. Most of your siblings have left- but you’re here with May, sitting there as she watches you like a hawk and interrogates you.
“You haven’t been the same. Not since, like, last week. And something happened with Clarisse, it’s obvious. I gave you a few days because I thought you were just having a fight, but you’re not.” She sighs and grabs your hands. “What happened?”
“You’ll find out soon enough,” you dismiss. She stares at you with such heartbreak in her eyes.
May is the sibling you’re by far the closest with- you like similar things, and people sometimes think you’re actual full-blooded siblings because you look so alike. She was the first person you ever met at Camp Half Blood, and after Clarisse, she’s the first person you run too. But now that Clarisse is leaving, and she’s already gone, May is all you have left.
You squeeze her hands. Your best friend, you want to tell her, but saying the words aloud makes them real.
She’ll find out tomorrow.
—-
June 8, 10:57 AM
She tells you privately, she smiles softly and leads you into the woods, she holds your hands and touches your face and kisses you like she’s not about to break your heart.
“Why are you bringing me out here?”
You know her like your own mind. You spend so much time with Clarisse, next to her, it’s like you have a window to her heart tattooed on your arm. You know, even when she doesn’t want you to.
“I just have something to tell you. And I wanted privacy.”
She doesn’t tell you it’s not a bad thing.
Your stomach sinks and you hold her hand tighter, and even though she’s about to break your heart she kisses your cheek and squeezes your hand.
“Just you and me, pretty girl. I just wanna talk, okay?”
She leads you to a clearing with a beautiful view of the strawberry fields and you smile, sitting down and letting your face feel the sun. You can feel her looking at you, but the beauty of this place and each other only blinds the two of you temporarily.
“Okay, what do you have to tell me?”
There’s stones in your stomach. Your heart is squeezing, you can physically feel the tension and anticipation in your organs.
You look in her eyes and you pray to every God that it’s nothing.
“I love you, you know that?”
Clarisse never says I love you, and your stomach twists more.
“Of course I know.”
She lays down on her back and opens her arms. She sighs when you lay your arm over her stomach, head on your chest. Her hands grip onto you tight.
She doesn’t speak for another minute, like she’s just soaking you and the sunshine up, like it’s the last she’s ever gonna get.
“Chiron… a week ago, I think, he called me to the Big House.” You hum, staring at the treetops. “Him and Mr. D… they… uh.”
“You can tell me,” you pretend you aren’t scared.
“A quest,” she blurts. “They have a quest for me.”
“Oh,” you mumble, stupidly.
A quest could mean a million different things. It could be an errand for Chiron and Mr. D, or it could be something preordained by the Fates.
She could have a choice or she could not.
“It’s three children of Ares. It’s about some sort of ancient blood feud between my father and- it doesn’t matter. But it- it doesn’t look good-”
You sit up. She follows you, eyes wide, hands splaying around where your body used to be on hers.
“‘It doesn’t look good’? Clarisse, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
She grabs your hands. “It’s dangerous, like any quest-”
“It’s not like any quest though, is it?”
She presses her lips together. “No. No, it’s not.”
“You didn’t accept it, did you?”
She stares into your eyes.
She looks so pretty today, her hair half-up half-down. Her eyes always shine so brightly in the sun- they reflect it. Sunny days with her make your heart squeeze, because it always looks like she’s got suns for eyes.
“I’m sorry, Y/N, I am-”
You tear your hands away from her.
“Why- why would you- Oh, my Gods, Clarisse, why would you do this?”
You cry, and she reaches for you, her face twisting into something painful. But how can she expect you to run to her when she’s the one hurting you?
“Just- just not right now. Not until the 13th, let’s just have this together, okay?”
“How, Clar, how?”
She grabs your hands and doesn’t let you pull away.
“My father asked for me, he asked for me. I have to go. I can’t refuse my father, Y/N-”
You rip your hands away. “He doesn’t care about you, Clarisse. But I do. I care about you.”
She rubs her temples with one hand, the other still reaching for you, eyes screwed shut.
“Please don’t be like this. Don’t be selfish, I have to this. He asked for me, Y/N. This is such a huge step-”
“A huge step to him loving you? He’ll never love you. Our parents will never love us, because they’re incapable of caring about us. But you have me, Clarisse. You have me, and I love you so much-”
“You don’t know that,” she whispers. “You don’t know they can’t love us.”
“And neither do you.”
She reaches out to touch the tears falling down your face.
“Clarisse, please,” you cry. “I’m here. I’m always here, and just- just don’t put your father over me, please don’t, not anymore-”
She grabs your face. “I’m not going to choose between you and him.”
You’re full on sobbing now, and Clarisse never cries, but just the look on her face at seeing you cry makes you cry more.
“But I’m here, Clar, I’m here, I’ve always been here, please-”
She shushes you and tries to hug you, but you can’t, not when your mind is spinning to fast, not when you want nothing more than to be in her arms because you know if she just holds you then you’ll shut up and forget. But you can’t, you can’t, not this time.
Not when all the pieces are sinking together.
The only time you see her is when you sneak into each others beds, dates in the woods, secret looks across the courtyard, pulling each other into the bathrooms or sheds or something to make out.
You needed her so bad you didn’t realize that you were never first. You didn’t care, but at least she was still there.
“Did you even think about me when you said yes?”
She tries to hug you again. You stand on shaky legs.
“Y/N,” she whispers, half-broken, half-disbelief. “Don’t do this.”
“I just need a day,” you say, but you both know what this means.
She laughs, runs her hand through her hair.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this. Fuck, I know it’s not perfect, we’ve never been perfect, but I need you right now. Don’t walk away. Don’t be like that.”
“And if I asked you not to walk away? If I asked you not to be like that?”
“I’m not being like anything!” she yells. “You’re the one who’s being a selfish brat.”
You cross your arms and look at her. You want the ground to swallow you whole. You want to jump into her arms and never leave.
“Don’t, okay. Just don’t. Stay, and we’ll talk, I’ll try, you know I’m not good at this but I want to try, we have to try for us.”
“Clarisse, there’s no us anymore. You’re leaving.”
“Not until the 13th, Y/N. We could have something so good if we just… pretend.”
You could play pretend with her for hours. You could be married and you could live in a place where no monsters can touch you, where there’s no one to hide from. Where there’s no memory of her father, no axe hanging over you.
“I don’t want to pretend. I want you.”
But it’s Clarisse. It’s the girl you love, and you’re young so you believe you can fix this.
“Don’t go,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.
You’re both glaring at each other, stupid teenage girls who fell in love too hard too fast, and now you’re scrambling at the world changes around you. You love her so much, but you finally realized that she doesn’t care about you, you’re her secret, and you haven’t had a backbone for so long but you will have one now.
“He asked for me. I already accepted. I need you right now, so stop being selfish and accept it.”
“How am I being selfish? How am I being selfish for not asking you to kill yourself? For asking you to put me first, for once?! You never put me first. I see that now. You never-”
She scoffs. “We both know that’s not true.”
“But I don’t, Clar. I don’t know that’s not true. So tell me, show me, make me believe it’s not true-”
She crosses the distance between you, even though it feels like a thousand miles, and plants her hands on your face. She kisses you, she kisses you like she loves you but not enough to stay.
But you kiss her back. You kiss her back, because she’s the love of your life. You’ll always come back like a kicked dog, like a ball on a chain. You’ll always come back to her like you go back to your bed each night- mindlessly, wordlessly, because it’s routine. Because you sleep in your bed and you need sleep to live, you need her to live.
She pulls back, breathing heavily against your lips.
“You are the only person who matters to me.”
Your grab her wrists and take her hands off your face. She tries to resist you, keep touching you, but it’s halfhearted because she’ll always end up doing the little things that you want.
“Only because the Gods aren’t people.”
“Y/N, stop.”
“Why do you go back to him? Why? Again and again, you go back even though he feels nothing for you- and you know it-”
She steps back, takes your hands off of her wrists.
“I-I’m sorry,” you breathe, you see the hurt on her face. “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t, it’s just, I love you-”
She blinks and stares at you like you just broke her favorite toy.
“I-I should go.”
You want her to say something, you want her to protest, you want her to kiss you again.
“Maybe you should,” she agrees. “Before we both say more things we’ll regret.”
Her face twists back into what she lets everyone else see, that hard mask of indifference, of cruelty and ruthlessness.
How can she hold you so tenderly and look at you like this? How can you pretend you’re still the girl she loves when the fog clears and you realize what you said?
“Yeah.”
You turn and leave the clearing, you can’t look at her hurt face anymore, tears streaming down your face. Clarisse stays there. You swear you hear the sound of muffled crying.
—-
June 12, 3:46 PM
Chiron announces the quest. It’s dangerous, that’s what he says, and he didn’t want to cause commotion in the camp by letting it come to light.
Are you horrible for wishing you had found out now? You would have had this untainted time with Clarisse. You would have loved her. You wouldn’t have had to pretend, because it would be real.
She’s selfish at every turn. She only tells you when it’s convenient for her to tell you, when she knows it’ll ruin it, ruin you, and lose this time together.
Her and her siblings stand next to Chiron.
She stares at you the entire time, and you don’t look at her once.
May hugs you when she hears, and you don’t speak, because how can you speak when everything is wrong? Everything is broken?
The mirror is broken, and what you thought you saw is no longer there. You only see your shattered self.
—-
June 13, 12:38 PM
You lasted maybe 20 minutes. You went to bed early, slept fitfully for a few hours, and woke up gasping about another nightmare- the same one you had the last time you slipped into Clarisse’s bed. You barely remember the nights you have nightmares, but you always know you go to her bed and she holds you, tells you it’s alright.
The dream, anxiously waiting for her to come back, spending your nights alone but warmed by anticipation and hope- and she just doesn’t. She doesn’t, and it all becomes dark and dull in the dreams and they turn into nightmares.
You cry and you scream and you curse the Gods for not bringing her back to you, but no one can hear you. You’re laying in your bed screaming and your siblings are gone, you know Clarisse is, and you feel so alone.
Feeling so alone it makes your bones shaking is terrifying. And you should be used to it. But you got used to Clarisse and her warm body. You got used to her touches, her words, the way she made you feel even just being in her bed- you could always sleep in her bed because she was there.
After she leaves, would anyone notice if you snuck into her bed? Would anyone notice if you laid your head on her pillow and pretended it was her chest? Would anyone notice if you slept in the shirts she left behind?
You last 20 minutes staring at the ceiling before you’re up.
You don’t care if Chiron will catch you. You don’t care if the entire camp will see you, you never did, but a private relationship was nice. It was yours and hers and no one else’s.
Private is different from secret.
Your feet sink into the soft grass, wrapping your arms around yourself, legs freezing in a cold breeze. You stop, looking at the Ares cabin.
The Ares cabin is just a house full of the best fighters at camp. Everyone looks at it and feels a little safer. You look at it and feel safer.
You’re filled with dread but you don’t care, because you know she’ll let you in, you know she’ll let you into her arms.
The door to the Ares cabin whips open.
Clarisse is there, feet turned left, toward you and your cabin behind you.
She stops and stares.
“Sorry,” you breathe. “It’s your last night, and I…”
“I know,” she says.
You step forward, all you want is to forget, all you want is one more peaceful night. As soon as you step up onto the porch Clarisse grabs you and pulls you in tight for a hug.
Her hands are spread wide across your shoulder blades, her body is pressed to yours, her head hooks over your neck.
“You’re so cold,” she whispers, because that’s all you can say when you don’t want to talk about the things that really matter. Of course she’s warm. She’s like your own personal heater, always warm and always comforting.
She lets go after a moment, hesitantly, but winds your fingers into hers. She leads you to your bed, you avoid the freaky floorboards better than her-
“I never have to be quiet in here,” she whispers. “It’s funny.”
You hum, she urges you onto her bed and climbs in behind you. You face the wall, breathing in heavily, shivering as she wraps herself around you. You didn’t realize how cold you were until she was holding you.
You didn’t realize how damaging this relationship was until you were so wrecked by it.
You didn’t realize how much you loved her until she was leaving.
You can feel her wanting to say something.
“Shut up,” you mumble, holding her hand.
She laughs.
“Okay, whatever you want.”
You remember this might be the last time you’ll ever hear her laugh.
This might be the last time she ever holds you.
“Don’t cry, please,” she begs, kissing the back of your head. “If I can’t talk you can’t cry, I hate when you cry.”
“I can’t,” you breathe, shoving your face into her pillow.
“Hey, hey,” she murmurs, flipping you around so you’re facing each other. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
You don’t think she’s ever apologized this much in her life.
“It hurts me too,” she continues, you press your face into her neck and feel yourself exhale against her warm skin. “If it didn’t have to be like this…”
“It doesn’t,” you mumble. “It doesn’t have to be like this, so don’t let it, Clarisse.”
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” she whispers, her voice cracking just a bit. So quiet only you can hear it because you’re pressed up right against her.
You want to just climb into her, make a home for yourself in between her ribs where you could always feel her heartbeat and always know she’s there.
“Can’t I just come with you?” you cry.
She grabs you a little tighter, like she’s annoyed just by the thought of you being in danger. “No, Y/N. No, you’re going to stay here at camp, and you’ll be safe. I made my siblings promise to look after you, you’ll be okay without me-”
Her siblings are the only ones who know, but that’s only because every once in a while Clarisse won’t let you leave and you’ll oversleep and they’ll see you in her bed.
She swears them all to secrecy and as their cabin leader and their sister, a fellow child of Ares who’s doomed to want someone they can’t have, doomed to hide in the shadows- there’s so many campers who sneak into the Ares cabin at night, and you all ignore it.
There is a certain desperation with demigods and love. Every time could be the last time.
You wish you could swear off love, you wish you could, but Clarisse has you so wrecked you can’t breathe without thinking about her. You run on her, like she’s coffee or sunshine, she’s the IV stuck into your arm, and you don’t want to imagine living without her.
You think of a future without her and it’s just blank.
She holds you tighter and let’s you cry, louder and louder, muffled into her neck. She says she’s sorry but she doesn’t mean it, she can’t, and you don’t care. You can’t care, not right now, not when this is the last time.
“But I’m here right now, okay? I’m here right now, so just listen to my heart.” You grab onto her, trying to keep her here with you- but she won’t. She’ll go. She’ll leave you, and there’s nothing you can do.
You realize with such a startling finality that this is the last time. How deeply you feel it in your heart, not a pain but just an ache, an emptiness- it’s almost beautiful how it washes over you like a wave, like your heart stops and you’re just left a shell.
You breathe in wildly, but you can’t catch your breath, not when she’s half-here, you’re stuck in this hazy reality. Fading in and out. Her heartbeat. Her breath. Her touch. Her voice.
“I’m here right now,” she says. “I’m here right now,” and it’s the last time.
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss
—-
DID WE HAVE FUN OR DID WE HAVE FUN?!?!??!??
695 notes · View notes
4dbarbie-archive · 8 months
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4dbarbie remix: How to let go of Vanessa
My notes: This is basically a TLDR version of my first 4dbarbie remix post How to realise Self. My original intention for that post was actually to make something like this, a really straightforward (and short lol) practical guide on how to let go of the ego in order to realize Self that I could refer to and apply on a day to day basis. It ended up being a long essay (it was over 3000 words aha) as I decided to go through all her posts and answered asks and found a lot of important information to include so it sort of became more of an educational post (which I'm glad to have made and it helped me understand everything better too!). So anyway, here it is. Pretty much all of the below information was taken from my How to realise Self post (besides the suggested exercises section at the bottom) - I just extracted the more practical guidance outside the explanations to make it.
My personal notes and highlights are in pink for main points and purple for 'action' points.
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Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is. All you need to fix is your wrong identification. There isn't anyone who couldn’t materialize anything right now if he or she would just let go of identifying as the limited body. 1
Stop thinking you are Vanessa, the thoughts of needing this or that drop away. To change, you need to give up this conviction of being this person. You need to disbelieve. 2 A lot of beliefs are subconscious. "I am a body", "I am Vanessa", "There is a world" are all subconscious, automatic beliefs. Upon investigation you can get rid of any belief (by making them conscious and then dropping them). 14 How do you drop a belief? (see part 1 and part 2)
All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours. 3
What I recommend you to do is bring your self into focus, become aware of your own existence. See how you function, watch the motives and the results of your actions. Study the prison you have built around yourself because of credulity. By knowing what you are not, you come to know your self. The way back to your self is through refusal and rejection. 4
Leave your mind alone, that is all. Don't go along with it. 5 Thoughts will keep on coming for a while, just now you know they have nothing to do with you. Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them. 6
Step away and look (observe). The physical events will go on happening, but by themselves they have no importance. It is your mind alone that matters. When you identify yourself with them, you are their slave, you think you have to act on them. When you stand apart, you are their master 7
Just stop taking the thoughts you don't like for truth or reality. There is no convincing involved, it is all letting go. 8 Doesn't matter what the thought is, leave it alone, ignore it BUT not by force of will, just indifference 9
Start letting go bit by bit, just to see what happens. You won't start "acting crazy" just because you become uninterested in thoughts, I promise 10
You don't need to convince yourself they're unreal, just dismiss them (your thoughts) as not yours. They will disappear more and more through your newfound indifference, then their physical counterparts will, too. Detachment is by doubt and indifference. First you start doubting "the facts", then you become indifferent to the facts, lastly there are no facts anymore and you can establish your own. 9
Your next step will be realizing there is nothing to learn in a dream. You'll find yourself having less and less thoughts, then none at all. Then, only if you want, you will be able to reinstall the mind, now of your choice, and change the dream. 3
All you need is to get rid of the tendency to define your self. All definitions apply to your body only and to its expressions. Once this obsession with the body goes, you will revert to your natural state, spontaneously and effortlessly. 4
Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough. 11
Reminder: This body and this world are not forced onto you, they exist through your identification with them. Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. After you've detached, you'll easily shift to as many realities as you want - don't put any on a pedestal of desire, they are equal. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (referring to anon's desire). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you. 12
Suggested exercises (not required if you don't want to do it!)
1. Sitting in silence & just being with no thoughts - The whole point of sitting in silence is to realize what you are, pure beingness. Awareness only becomes consciousness when it has an object. The object changes all the time. In consciousness there is movement; awareness by itself is motionless and timeless, here and now. 4
2. Start doubting you'll wake up as Vanessa tomorrow - Not to get it, but consider it actually… What if… I wake up tomorrow and I realize an entire life has been just a dream?! Equal to the one I dreamt last night?! What if you wake up and realize it all was a nightmare that you THOUGHT went on for years and it's just been a few hours... even get scared and terrified about that thought. Better than getting scared about non-reality.
WHAT IN THE WORLD?! That never was... but I felt it so real, I swear I was her?! Yet here you are, awake, and the dream never was.
Do it like that. Doubt that it's anything but a dream as much as possible. 13
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Sources:
Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
In-text links: 1, 2, 3, 4
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easy-there-leftovers · 6 months
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I See You, Darling (3)
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[Astarion x reader] As I mentioned in a previous post, this came along surprisingly easier than the last one. The same can’t be said about the quality though maybe– sorry for that. :,DDD|Word count: 2.6k.| 
Content Warnings: Mentions of cooking, handling knives, blood, one sex joke (lol), the normal warnings that you’d associate with the game
Part 2 here!!
Next Part here!!
As an outsider to most of everyone’s problems, you find your place by helping in whatever way you can. Even if that may be at the expense of your own comfort, but at least it’s been fun so far.
Alternatively: Reader can't catch a break from anything, can they?
————━─━────༺༻────━─━————
Being resident camp caretaker was surprising, for lack of a better term. You were away from the stresses of technology, corporate assholes, and disappointing family with your choice to pursue unpractical careers. Instead living the “cottagecore lifestyle” of foraging for food and cooking with a cauldron that those from the digital world claimed to be the best. What they failed to mention were the incessant pests coming in to nibble through rucksacks if you were not careful, and the occasional swarms of ants or flies coming in to nip at your flesh.
The experience was a mixed bag, so it would seem. But the tired smiles that the group would give you when you greet them with a warm and filling meal was always a comfort that you would have.
And it would seem they needed it now more especially than ever.
Your band of misfits planned to venture out and defeat the goblins at their camp in order to aid the tieflings’ journey to Baulder’s Gate. Per your instruction, you convinced the more solipsistic members of the benefits of eradicating the sect. Namely, they wouldn’t hinder you as much in the future if they were taken care of. Hence your plan to slightly increase the amount of portions for supper tonight.
By twilight, you had a good broth steeping in your cauldron. The camp having returned just a few moments prior from an earlier excursion. You were making a pottage that the others have expressed their enjoyment for. A stew of sorts that you had made when you had quite the number of items that would have spoiled before consumption had you not done anything about it. A mixture of fruits and meat, stewed in a consomme of a pig’s head and various mushroom caps. 
This time around, you’ll be using fresher ingredients to hopefully lift their spirits.
As you’re chopping up fruits, you think about all that’s happened to you and possible explanations for why your character suddenly ceased to exist in order to make room for you.  What’s more is that no matter how many nights pass, you never end up waking from your dream. Which you fear is lasting longer than your usual ones.
Your working theory is that whatever force, be it magic or fate, tethering you to this world is also responsible for removing Tav. Astarion claimed that he couldn’t remember the finer details when you had confronted  him. And so you settled with that hypothesis. That like how a thread that unravels opens a seam in a garment, a new thread must be used to darn the cloth together again.
You laugh at the disgustingly poetic analogy you created in your head. You fear that you’re becoming more and more deranged as—
“My, aren’t you busy?” The intrusive voice causes the knife to slip out of your hand a bit, thankfully only cutting off a portion of your index finger’s nail. Your shoulders, that were raised in alarm, release their tension after feeling the sudden chill leave your body.
“Astarion,”  Exasperated, you put the knife down on the cutting board to catch your breath for a while. 
“I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped sneaking up on me when I’m doing something dangerous.”
The high-elf offers a mischievous smile in response. “Very sorry, pet. But it’s hardly my fault when you’ve barely been paying attention to me.” There’s regret in his words, but not in his tone.
Because while perhaps it’s an odd interest, he enjoys hearing the quickened pace of your heart. The pulse getting louder, as it stays that way for longer.
“I’d feel sorry for doing so if you were too, but you’re not.”
You laugh out, breath still shaky but steadying slowly, as you pick up your knife again.
 “I heard you’re part of the encampment that’s finishing off the goblins by midmorn.” Chopping the rest of the fruits, you feel his presence move from behind you to off to your side so you can see him from your peripherals.
“Hm? Yes. Although I would have preferred if we didn’t do this at all. It’s too much work, and the goblins could be entertaining! Killing useful spoils seems like an awful waste.” 
This must be the reason why he approached you, to persuade you to call off the hunt. And his unfading smile supports that thought. When you voice said thought, it earns you a playful scoff.
“Don’t you have anything else on your mind other than the parasite lounging in it?”
The mood is light as you say this, the banter welcomed by you both. 
And as you continue to converse, a few eyes begin to follow the two of you. They’ve never really seen Astarion interact with you for this long, at least not away from your private spaces. And even less without hushed voices. The interlocution is definitely a welcome spectacle to them. 
“On my honor, the only thing on my mind is depraved, carnal lust.” He says, proudly. Gesturing to himself with one hand, and the other held high like he was swearing an oath. 
Your closed mouth drops into frown, eyes wide, and your eyebrows skew upwards. A very undignified, but small, squeak coming from the back of your throat. You swore you heard someone groan in disappointment from far away too.
You know full well that the look of shock that you were sporting was by no means attractive, but the flagrant revelation, though not at all out of character, was shocking to have directed towards you. You’ve been trying to romance the elven vampire with your character, only to end up nowhere. Therefore you are completely unsure if the dialogue he was spewing was completely a figment of your imagination, or is, indeed, canon.
The elf in question has seen this expression of yours before. Quite often, too. And while he doesn’t think it a, “pleasant sight,” it is rather… charming to him. 
Whether it be on purpose or not, people have the tendency to be on guard around him, preserving any twitch and sound that could give them away to themselves. Not that much had ever evaded him before with his naturally cunning behavior. But this clearly unscripted response, with the blatant confusion swimming in your eyes, is a rather refreshing sight to see.
“I see–” you clear your throat to lower your voice back to its normal octave. “Well, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to uh, bring those thoughts into fruition! Uh–,” You slide the rest of the cut fruits off of your cutting board and into the stew. 
“Is there anything else you wanted to tell me? Something I should know?” You turn to face him. He laughs at first, but then his brows furrow in question, as if he did have something to say and forgot about it or thinks it is no longer an appropriate time to ask. He shakes his head and says something along the lines of, “letting you do all the hard work” and returns to his tent.
But you are not left alone for long as another member of your little ragtag team joins you to ask about dinner. To which you ask them for which meat would be better to toss into it. 
—————————
After dinner, your little rapport concerning the plan and new findings with everyone is adjourned. Some thanked you before they left, and others simply walked away. From what you have learned from them, the Archdruid that was taken prisoner by the goblins was named, “Halsin.” He was a topic of interest as they said he might be able to aid you in your search for moonrise and understanding the Mindflayer worms.
Wyll had also approached you alone after dinner and offhandedly mentioned a dead boar being on the road. He had planned to return to camp with it if it could have been useful, but he had claimed that the animal had been unnervingly light. As if half of its weight was no longer there despite seemingly just keeling over for no reason.
You take note of that in one of your many journals, including additional information about the Archdruid and their kind in general. The book appearing more and more like the game’s quest booklet, with the exception of a few crossouts and colored ink to emphasize each quest’s urgency and relevance to finding a cure. When you successfully rescue the druid of the grove, it seems you will have to move out quite soon after, so you fixed up your pack just a bit to make it easier later on.
You look around, everyone seems to be in their respective areas. Doing whatever it is they usually do  with the exception of Astarion. Though he has been known to either sneak off or hide away from time to time in his tent, so you think nothing of it.
You return to the communal chest, tallying up the remaining supplies and inspecting the wares. You sort the tradeable objects in one rucksack and appraise its worth. The chest also has pieces of gold, some that others have placed, and others you picked up and added. You prefer to let the others keep what they think is valuable to them, and only place what they want to share in the vessel. 
If the party’s gold ever runs out, you think that the rucksack is worth a few nights of food when you travel out again. Assured by this knowledge, you placed your writing materials back in, closed the chest, and turned in for the night.
Maybe this time, you’ll wake up. But you also don’t really want to. Not just yet. 
—————————————
As you slept, you wondered about the longevity of your knowledge of the media. You hadn’t finished the game, and although you’ve accomplished a fair bit of it, you worry about how you will face the events to come. One of the only reasons why you haven’t flinched so much at the terrors that occurred was because you had anticipated them. Braced yourself for the dangers ahead.
You fear what might happen when you no longer have that power at your disposal.
Perhaps it's the worry, perhaps it's the stiff, compact ground that you have yet to be accustomed to sleep on despite the bedroll, or perhaps it's the presence of something suddenly cool that stirs you awake. 
But what you did not expect was Astarion’s face hovering over yours to be the reason. Fangs bared, and ready to bite. Your eyes go wide and you let out a small gasp, hands moving up in a gesture akin to clawing at yourself. 
The elf realizes that you’re awake now and he curses. Moving away as you scramble upright just like you did all those nights ago. The look of genuine fear at the prospect of being bitten is apparent on your face, and he feels almost guilty to be greeted with it.
“Please, I wasn’t going to hurt you— I just needed, well, blood.” He says it in a panic. Worried that you might run off, losing his only sure chance, and possibly enraging the rest of the camp.
In this moment, you realized the error in your ways. Astarion had been hunting nearly every other night in the same area. And if you were progressing through the events like how the game did, he couldn’t have had the time nor energy to venture too far after feeding from most of the creatures in the vicinity.
‘The exsanguinated boar…’ You remember.
“You’ve been feeding on animals for the past few nights, haven’t you?”
“It seems like word got around then.” Although unknowingly, he’s referencing what Wyll delivered to you earlier in the night.
“I’m not some monster, I feed on boars, deer, kobolds– whatever I can get. I’m just too slow right now. And with the damned excursion,” He stops himself, complaining is only doing worse for his condition.
“It’s not enough. I feel so…weak. If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better.” You’re conflicted. You had no problem offering yourself as your character for him to feed on, but even witnessing that through a disconnected screen was enough to make you feel uncomfortable imagining it. You care about him, want to give him what he deserves, but this…
What’s more is that you know what he’s saying is necessary, not at all overstating how dire his need to satiate his hunger is, making it all the more difficult.
He needs to convince you, if he wants to continue on, that is. Without the presence of the illithid, he resorts to more practical means of doing so. Similar to what he did to many.
Noticing the slight tremor of your hands, he takes the chance to slowly kneel down on your bedroll. Closing the distance between you. He takes your hand, now rougher from the work you do, and meets your shaken gaze with his dark eyes.
“Please. I only need a taste, I swear.” He had meant to tell you before dinner, had he not felt the eyes of the others on the two of you. This discovery is not lost on you. He needs you specifically. And you realize it's out of convenience because you’re an expendable resource. If you pass, the group can venture on, but he also still needs you alive for whatever reason. He can’t have the others finding out, not until they trust him. 
He needs you to trust him. And this is the only way you can help him in this moment.
With that, you strengthen your resolve. 
“I…I trust you, Astarion. But no more than what you need.” A dangerous bet, but you hope it would be worth it.
“Really? I–”
 “Can I trust you on that?” The shock on his face fades, and he agrees.
“Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?” You lay down, preparing yourself to faint during the process and allowing your blood to flow throughout your body. He observes the rapid movement of your eyes as he drapes himself above you. Your sight flitting from anywhere but him and then returning all the same. No doubt that you fear being at his mercy.
He feels almost sorry that you have to do this for him.
So he graces you with what mercy he can give.
The bite is quick. You would have felt the flesh of your neck parting for him, had he not done so. You feel tears prick at your eyes and start to feel the area from your neck and upwards go cold.
A momentary, sharp pain, that lulls to a chilling numbness in what seems like a matter of seconds.
You feel his body start to grow warmer at your expense and you feel satisfied knowing that you could help him.
When he doesn't stop, you start to worry.
Your breath catches in staccato beats, pulse quickening in tandem. You try to stop him, hands coming up to push or tug, but the heavy sensation that washes over you only permits them to find purchase on his form.
You try to speak, but it seems as if the common tongue does not reach him.
Your mind goes into overdrive, all of a sudden it doesn’t feel like a dream anymore and genuine fear courses through your veins.
You need him to stop, and you try to think of more efficient ways of doing so.
But your mind starts slowing as well. The pain has certainly faded, but the presence of the vampire at your throat reminds you in case you’ve forgotten.
As a last ditch effort, you try to use whatever might appeal to him, to break him out of the trance that he was in from finally replenishing himself. 
“Isalhal–” One of the few Elvish words you recalled.
The effort thankfully makes him pull back in shock, stopping him. Your eyes finally close, thankful for the reprieve you're finally granted. You hear a distant, “thank you,” and a more distant “shit” before rest takes over.
You worry about waking up tomorrow.
But for now, you’re thankful that Astarion will be able to fight well.
For himself and for everyone else’s sake.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Thank you to @rey26, @shyminnie07, @lynnloveshobi, @iggee-rose, @automnepoet, @tiannamortis, @aoirohi, @sarkara211, @jane-3043, @h3110-dar1in9, @h3ll0k1ttyl0ver333, @mimziethealien, @squichymochi, @sharabay, @furblrwurblr, @dork-of-the-universe, @thedevilssinner, @fuckalrighty, @queenofthespacesquids, @perseny, @goldenplutus, @h4nluv, @awkward-d3rs3-dr3amer, and @auszimbo for asking to be tagged!!
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thecouchsofa · 2 months
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You might be thinking, Tee, in your 2023 AO3 wrap up post, you said you wrote a ridiculous amount of HP fic this year - but what about reading? Well, thanks for asking, imaginary audience – as a matter of fact, I did indeed read a lot of Drarry fics this year. A fucking horrendous number of Drarry fics, in fact.
Below the cut are some of my favourites that were published in 2023, arranged by word count.
But first, a note: there is truly an overwhelming amount of talent in this fandom and this list only scratches the surface. These fics all gave me something that I was looking for and were my favourites for a number of different reasons. I hope you can find something new to love here (or reconnect with an old favourite), and that you enjoy these stories as much as I did!
If there’s a fic from 2023 that isn’t here but you really enjoyed, chuck it in the replies section so we can all see it!
🌸 AITA for being "obsessed" with my childhood nemesis? – @rainstormradish (4k, M) 🌸
Alrakis I [24M] attended a small boarding school in the UK. There was a boy in my year, a couple of months younger than me, and he became my nemesis after we developed an intense rivalry. My friend [25F] told me recently that our dynamic was "weird back then" and that "it’s even weirder" that I still think about him today. She argued that I talk about him all the time, but I believe the amount I talk about him is reasonable. AITA?
prongymcprongface i completely get what you mean. i had a nemesis (like a school one, separate to my other nemesis) and we had a dynamic super similar to what you are describing. having a nemesis is a very cool and normal thing dw about it. NTA
In which Draco asks the internet if he's being reasonable. Only one commenter is sympathetic. They start talking.
Read for: unique fic idea with a cool layout, humour, boys being idiots
🌻 Snug – @moonflower-rose (6k, E) 🌻
Potter can't keep his hands off himself. Draco can't look away.
Read for: Draco being Obsessed with Harry(‘s cock), Humorous Writing Style
🪻 Birds Behaving Badly – @peachpety (10k, E) 🪻
For eight years, Draco has been content living a quiet life of anonymity in Brighton, dodging pesky seagulls and enjoying the ephemeral boys of summer. And if these summer blokes just happen to resemble Harry Potter, it’s a mere coincidence—despite what his friends say.
But when a repeat one-night stand challenges him to face his desires, Draco thinks he’s finally over his years-long crush.
A seagull named Kevin thinks otherwise.
For: Unleashed!Fest 2023
Read for: hidden/mistaken identity, summer vibes, Kevin the seagull
🌸 Under the Confetti Mist – @azalealarae (12k, E) 🌸
Harry and Draco stay up late working on a Potions assignment in the poorly ventilated eighth-year common room, unaware that disinhibition is a side effect of the elixir’s vapor.
Read for: Sex Pollen, Drarry as Potions partners
🌻 Hellos, goodbyes, a thousand midnights – newskyillusion (13k, M) 🌻
The world, as Harry knew it, has ended.
At least he has a garden.
OR
Harry and Draco live through the apocalypse
For: Drarry Let’s Play Fest 2023
Read for: body horror, cosy vibes (just trust me, lol), Harry gardening, Powerful Harry, Harry and Draco relying on each other.
🪻 Amorous As This Lovely Green – @annanother-thing (14k, E) 🪻
Harry hates being a celebrity. Draco cannot find a single model that fits his vision for his latest line. They both make the debatable choice of trusting one PA extraordinaire/best friend, Pansy Parkinson.
For: Harry/Draco Career Fair 2023
Read for: Harry modelling lingerie, Hot Harry
🌸 Help! I'm a Hopeless Romantic! – @peachydreamxx (14k, M) 🌸
Draco turns from the bar, eyes latching onto Harry. He surveys him, one brow lifting, and Harry, like a deer in headlights, throws his hand up with the world’s most awkward wave. Draco just weaves out of sight, and Harry’s face burns as Ron pats him on the shoulder, then steals a chip. “He gave you a look, didn’t he?”
~ how to get over your crush
~ places that sell cake after 11pm near me
~ how to tell if someone is playing hard to get
A year in the life of Harry's shared moments, and private thoughts
For: Wheel of Drarry Mini-Exchange Secret Santa 2023
Read for: Harry’s Google Searches, Humour
🌻 Cool About It – @oflights (M, 16k) 🌻
Harry is so excited for his first date with Draco. But what follows isn't so much a date as it is an all-night odyssey including a malevolent lift, a Gringotts heist, a Sleeping Curse, a trip to the kebab shop, a lack of dancing, a Muggle drug, a rooftop pool party, a black eye and, eventually, a sunrise over a Quidditch stadium.
Read for: Humour, idiots in love, first dates
🪻 The Eighth Sin – @thehoneybeet (16k, E) 🪻
When Draco is sentenced to five years of house arrest, without magic, alone, the only person to visit him is Potter. But Draco’s beginning to doubt whether Potter is really there at all.
For: HD Wireless 2023
Read for: dreamy/sad vibes, caring Harry, a beautiful exploration of a relationship
🌸 What’s Mine is Yours – @fluxweeed (17k, E) 🌸
Harry loses something important. Malfoy helps him get it back.
Read for: smut so hot it’ll light you on fire
🌻 O Come, All Ye Faithful – toomuchplor (19k, E) 🌻
Aunt Petunia died, that was what began everything.
Or rather, Aunt Petunia was dying. In the act of dying.
In which Draco finds faith in the church, and Harry finds faith in Draco.
Read for: Vicar Draco, Harry’s Vicar Kink, Beautiful Writing, Draco’s Hard Sanctified Cock
🪻 The Boys of Summer – @saxamophone (19k, E) 🪻
It's summer, and they're spending it at a lake, far away from everything. There’s swimming and a floating dock, cracked and warm in the sun. Fizzy drinks and fireflies. Sticky strawberry ice lollies and beach towels tangled under them.
Harry’s golden skin and love for The Grateful Dead and Fleetwood Mac.
Draco Malfoy is doomed, but what else is new?
For: HD Wireless 2023
Read for: delicious pining, summer vibes, beautiful romance, nostalgic vibes
🌸 Nature pricks them on to ramp and rage – @goblinmatriarch (E, 21k) 🌸
Lord Draco Malfoy may be a young man spending time in Dumbledore’s summer court, but that does not mean he needs to succumb to its licentious frivolity. He carries the burden of his lineage, the shadow of rumours, and the dignity of his betrothal to a good match. He is certainly not fool enough to be distracted by the dark curls and ready grin of the court’s stableboy, who seems to have taken up with every courtier who looks his way.
For: HP Bodice Ripper Fest 2023
Read for: Historical AU done right, Draco in a codpiece, more riding euphemisms than you can count
🌻 True Love Gave To Me – @epitomereally (23k, E) 🌻
It’s the first of December, and all Draco wants to do is make Christmas lovely for Scorpius. But then Harry Potter shows up, asking him to save the world, and it turns out they’ve almost saved the world a couple of times before. One-hundred and forty-four times, to be exact.
Or: what happens after the time loop?
For: H/D Erised 2023
Read for: time loop shenanigans, cosy vibes, adorable Scorpius (and his geese)
🪻 Nothing But You On My Mind – @moonflower-rose (29k, M) 🪻
Potter has been in Australia on an internship for almost a year, and Draco cannot wait for him to get back home. They'll finally have a chance to talk about their feelings for each other. What could possibly go wrong?
Loads, as it turns out.
For: HD Wireless 2023
Read for: Angst, Draco/Ron/Hermione Friendship, idiots in love
🌸 who will receive you in love's offices – @jtimu (30k, E) 🌸
A year in the life of Draco Malfoy, increasingly derailed by Harry Potter.
In the aftermath of it all, Draco opened an antiques shop. Sort of. Mostly, though, what he did was repair work. People brought him their grandparents’ charmed silverware or a pocketwatch which was meant to show the stars at your birth but now only held the time, and he would fix them. It was quiet work, a little lonely, but for the repeated intrusions of one Harry J Potter.
Read for: brilliant deep dive into magical theory, smarty pants Draco, enemies to friends to lovers (emphasis on the middle step), poetry references by the bucketful, a version of Draco that lives rent free in my mind
🌻 Half Sick of Shadows – @starquestingfordrarry (39k, E) 🌻
Harry and Draco have been sleeping together for months, and it's fine. It's enough for Harry.
But when things finally start to feel like the more Harry's been hoping for, a strange tapestry project has him worrying he won't ever get the chance.
Or: the one with sheep, dragons, and a whole lot of weaving metaphors.
For: H/D Career Fair 2023
Read for: Alvin the ram, Harry carving wooden dildos, magical tapestries, atmospheric vibes, an artfully created world
🪻 Now I Know In Part – @dodgerkedavra (39k, E) 🪻
Harry Potter is the savior of the Wizarding World. Draco Malfoy is a reformed Death Eater turned Ministry Curse-Breaker. Five years after the War, they're brought together by another mysterious curse.
Only this time, Harry's the one who needs saving.
More specifically, he needs Draco.
They have one month to break the curse, and the clock is ticking.
Read for: Draco taking care of Harry, Cottagecore vibes, bucketfuls of sweetness, great smut
🌸 Nothing Gold Can Stay – @moonflower-rose (40k, E) 🌸
One summer evening, Harry Potter vanished in the middle of dinner with his friends. Four days later he came back. Sort of.
Draco Malfoy is on the case.
For: H/D Erised 2023
Read for: Alternate Universes, Married Draco/Harry, Non-Painful Angst
🌻Sharper than a Sea Serpent's Tooth – @goblinmatriarch (40k, T)
Draco expects his research trip to Crete to focus on the ecology of ward design, with perhaps some cheeky visits to the elusive sea serpents and the odd sleepy beach day. Instead, he encounters a Past he's spent over a decade trying to outrun, and a familiar scowl under glasses and a scar. Featuring just so much imagining being on a hot, sunny beach for your winter pleasure.
For: H/D Erised 2023
Read for: Magical Creatures, Greek Mythology, International Location (Crete), Atmospheric Writing
🪻 LA, Who Am I To Love You? – @epitomereally (42k, E) 🪻
Harry’s summer in LA is not going as expected. Pansy Parkinson keeps inviting him to parties in the Hollywood Hills and harassing him to finally go to the physical therapist, Blaise Zabini keeps slipping new strains of his company’s magical weed into Harry’s pockets in hopes of an endorsement, and Draco Malfoy keeps having sex with everyone but Harry.
For: HD Wireless 2023
Read for: Werewolf Harry, Incubus Draco, Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers, Interesting Location (LA)
🌸 A Pulled Down Shade – fast_brother (43k, M) 🌸
Harry does not like Draco Malfoy, not even one bit. Never did and never will. That is, until he finds himself married to him.
For: HP Soulmates Fest 2023
Read for: HUGE Grounds for Divorce vibes! Angst, Harry working through trauma, Harry fighting for Draco
🌻 The Waiting – @oknowkiss (43k, E) 🌻
It’s been almost ten years since Draco Malfoy disappeared during a routine Curse Breaker training exercise. Harry, his partner in more ways than one, is determined to figure out why. As the past resurfaces and the present fades into confusion, Harry discovers the only thing more unreliable than memory is love.
For: HD Wireless 2023
Read for: Curse Breaker Partners, Angst, Secret Relationship
🪻 The Unplottable Time Conundrum – @writcraft (45k, E) 🪻
When the past starts bleeding into the present at Grimmauld Place, an old academic article pulls Draco Malfoy out of his life of luxury. Haunted by the memory of a fleeting post-war kiss and thrust into the ghostly spaces inhabited by Unspeakable Harry Potter, Draco’s easy life is about to get a whole lot more complicated.
For: H/D Erised 2023
Read for: House Magic, The Order of the Pheonix, Haunted House vibes, Drarry in their 30s
🌸 Our Objective Remains Unchanged – @citrusses (46k, E) 🌸
Harry Potter, returning member of the Oxford University Boat Club, has two goals for the spring of 2005: beat Cambridge, and beat Draco Malfoy. Perhaps not in that order.
Read for: Muggle AU, Sports AU, Competitiveness, Damn good writing
🌻 Everybody Hates a Tourist – @wolfpants (51k, E) 🌻
On a stag do in sunny Brighton with the Gryffindor lads, the last person Harry expects to run into is Draco Malfoy. After a glimpse of Malfoy’s Muggle life in Britain’s gay capital, Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself returning to the seaside again and again, drawn to the city, drawn to this new version of Malfoy that Harry barely recognises from school.
Meanwhile, Draco’s just trying to live his big and best queer life: working for the weekend, chasing hot men, getting lost in Brighton's nightlife, and making friends with the neighbourhood cats. Why does his former school rival and crush have to show up and spoil everything?
For: HD Wireless 2023
Read for: beautiful relationship building, Harry finding himself, Draco living his best life. I won’t lie, I’d read the back of a cereal box if wolfpants wrote it – do yourself a favour if you haven’t already
🪻 from love, obviously – bizarrestars (52k, M) 🪻
"I just mean, doing the right thing because it's right is better than doing it because…"
"What?" Draco challenges, amused. "Better to do it because it's right as opposed to doing it because it's not wrong? Please enlighten me on what the difference is."
"You're the difference," is Harry's answer.
(Or: Draco Malfoy comes up with a plan, drinks a lot of tea, and fails to fix a clock. Somewhere along the way, Harry Potter falls in love with him, which wasn't a part of the plan at all.)
Read for: Unhinged Draco, Harry being resigned to Draco’s antics, Weasley family feels, fast pacing
🌸 Terrible People – @getawayfox and @wolfpants (52k, E) 🌸
What happens when Harry and Draco end up on the same Muggle gay cruise? They certainly didn't plan for it to happen (but their friends might have). They're stuck with each other for a week, they might as well make the most of it, right?
Featuring a holiday-long game of Truth or Dare, a very ill-judged FWB proposition, decades-long pining, lots of gin, and a small pair of green swimming trunks.
Read for: Gorgeous Art , RomCom vibes, Gay Cruise, Friends with Benefits to Lovers
🌻 Nights With You – @the-sinking-ship (58k, E) 🌻
Draco is mortified when moments prior to departing for the most anticipated destination wedding of the year, he is cruelly dumped. But when he learns that Harry Potter has, at long last, split with his horrible boyfriend, Draco is certain his luck has changed. Never a man to squander an opportunity for revenge (and what would probably be a spectacular shag), Draco vows to make Potter his for the weekend.
Now all Draco has to do is convince him.
Read for: Fake dating, mild size kink, international location (Italy), mildly unhinged Draco, hot Harry
Note: This is the fic that made me set up a Doc for everything I’d read to make sure I wouldn’t lose it to the wide realm of the internet.
🪻 Rookie Moves – peu_a_peu (75k, E) 🪻
Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.
Read for: Humour, Enemies to Coworkers to Lovers, Unhinged Draco
🌸 How To Train Your Malfoy – @fencer-x (93k E) 🌸
Good manners dictate that, when one’s best friend Apparates onto one’s doorstep holding the unconscious, haggard body of the schoolyard bully and begging for sanctuary, one ought to invite the two of them in for a cup of tea. Harry Potter sometimes wishes he weren’t so polite.
For: H/D Erised 2023
Read for: Dragon Animagus Draco, Harry taking care of Draco, brilliant writing, a funny as fuck premise – I wanted Draco to stay in his unhinged dragon form forever
🌻 Symptom of Your Touch – NoxNoir (115k, E) 🌻
St. Mungo's Healer Draco Malfoy is used to being pushed to his limits when providing aide to the ailing, but when an unexpected encounter with an out of character Harry Potter throws his life out of balance one night, he is forced to ask himself how far he's willing to push his own levels of discomfort to be of aid to a man in need of help that only he can provide.
Read for: Draco taking care of Harry, Pining, Unrequited love, buckets of sexual tension
🪻 Recursion – Tessa Crowley (132k, E) 🪻
A process is recursive when it defines or contains itself; e.g., the Fibonacci sequence, which determines the next number as the sum of the previous two.
But not all recursive processes are mathematical. Recursion can happen in a temporal context when, for instance, the powerful magical force that is true love drags you back in time so it can create itself, endangering the fate of the Wizarding World—not to mention the very fabric of space and time—along the way.
Read for: Canon Retelling/Divergence, time travel, Slytherin Harry, a truly insane amount of physics/magical theory/intelligence. This fic was too smart for me in the best way. If you liked Chaos Theory read this – it’s even better!
🌸 Cut From the Sky – @mallstars (150k, E) 🌸
"I'm stuck in a time loop, reliving November 2nd. This is the 111th time I've lived through today."
Draco stilled. His moody eyes, the tension in his hands where he gripped onto his umbrella, the careful mask of blankness flickering over his face — everything about him was so difficult and so very dear to Harry.
"Ah," said Draco, "and?"
Note: no rec list for this year could be considered complete without including this one.
Read for: Harry at his most loveable, a relationship story told a hundred different ways, atmospheric worldbuilding, Trans representation.
🌻 In the Blood – BiscuitBrunch (225k, E) 🌻
Harry Potter thinks Draco Malfoy is a slimy git of a defense lawyer, who couldn't care less about doing the right thing.
Draco Malfoy thinks Harry Potter is a filthy pig of an Auror, who couldn't care less about doing the right thing.
They fight, fuck, fall in love, and fight some more.
When they're on the brink of getting their shit together and starting a family, a blood curse surfaces that threatens the lives of Draco and their unborn child.
Read for: badass lawyer Draco, deep exploration of a relationship, working through trauma, slice of life, mpreg
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flowwsblog · 3 months
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You’re so warm—
a/n; I’m new to the community soo please don’t be too harsh on me 😭😭 (But I need the feedback anyways). Also this fic is going to be pretty long for my first, (it being in two parts lol) but enjoy!!
Timothee!Willy wonka x f!Reader
Summary: in which reader has trouble falling asleep and runs into a certain someone. What could happen?
Warnings: pure fluff 😊
You had been working at the ‘laundry covered prison’- as you and noodle had called it- for a couple years now.
You had gotten there same as everyone, looking for a cheepy place to stay in this economy; and failed to read the fine print. So there was obviously something suspicious going on.
Worse led to worse as Mrs. Scrubbit had enslaved you (which is how you saw it) and forced you to do laundry work. Along with all the other fellow workers/people trapped in the dusty basement.
You befriended each one of them as time went by, not having any other choice. But being the second youngest one there; noodle was the first one you immediately grew close too.
And one day while scrubbing some old laundry, you heard a yell. Well everyone did.
Everyone’s attention shot towards the clothing shute, where a lanky, frightened looking young man had been thrown down.
____________
Ever since that day, your life couldn’t have been more interesting. The man, whose name you learned was Willy Wonka, was the most amazing human you had ever met. He was a magician, chocolatier, and humungous dreamer. What better man to sweep you off your feet?
But welcoming a handsome new guest meant bunking with someone else. Mrs. Scrubbit did not want the fuss of fixing up a new bedroom, leading to Mr. Wonka inhabiting your old room.
You loved noodle, she was like a little sister to you, so you did not complain in the slightest to sharing a room with her.
_____________
One night, you couldn’t sleep. You grabbed a thin blanket and wrapped it around your lightly trembling body. You made sure noodle was wrapped sorta-snug in the worn out bed before descending from the room.
Your thin loafers tapped the cold wooden floor lightly, wandering down the hall to the bathroom. As you walked by a certain door, your steps faltered, but soon continuing its journey to the wash room.
You and wonka has become close friends, similar to the friendship of yours and noodles, but being closer age wise made things different. You hadn’t talked to a boy your age since grade school, so having a male presence now made you exceedingly nervous.
Upon becoming comfortable with Willy, his presence had started to take a toll on you. Butterflies erupting when he would get particularly close. Or breath faltering when he would just, be in the room? You were confused. Maybe it was his shiny, chocolate colored curls or his full green eyes that lured you towards him. But whatever it was, you were hooked.
You closed the door and turned on the light, eyes squinting from the brightness; your handing coming up to shield them.
You turned on the sink and splashed water on your face. The water being cold not helping. You just wiped your face and turned off the light; heading out. This trip definitely helped.
As you opened the door you see another door opening. Expecting noodle’s small body to come out and ask why you left. Instead you get a taller, handsomer is that a word, man leaving his room. Rubbing his eyes softly.
You sigh, ‘What great timing!’, You think sarcastically to yourself. You carefully approach him and smile.
“Hi y/n” he hums with a sleepy smile. Which makes your stomach flutter. “What ya’ doin up so late?”
“Oh nothing, I can’t sleep. And you?” You turn to face him, studying his defined cheekbones and messy curls. Beautifully misplaced from sleep.
“Hm, I heard something and thought it was the little orange man coming to steal my chocolate again. But I’m glad it was you.” Your face grew 10 shades of pink at the comment. God, if he knew how he made you feel you would be in such trouble, or worse, jail. You’re glad it was dark or else he would’ve seen your embarrassing reaction. You smiled nonetheless. “Thank you Mr. Wonka”
He smiled at the name, knowing he prefers being called Willy.
“Well I’m gonna get going to my room, it’s cold out here.” You let out a half hearted chuckle and turned to leave, wanting him to stop you so badly. “Good night wil-“
He grabbed your arm gently, as if he was broken from a trance. “Wait y/n.”
You turned your head, letting out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “Yes?”
_______________
a/n; that’s part 1 guys 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I already have an idea in which part 2 will be posted so stay tuned! It’ll be soon :) 👐 thank you for reading!! Don’t forget to leave notes💞
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mindmelter · 16 days
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The Body Wearing Convention - Las Vegas
The BWA (Body Wearing Alliance) was formed 20 years ago when the internet was just starting to get popular. Those born with the rare ability of reducing people into wearable skins didn't knew there was more like them out there, but with the help of the internet they started to find others with the same ability, and soon it was created the BWC (Body Wearing Convention)
The Body Wearing Convention is a clandestine event that happens a few times every year, hidden from the prying eyes of the public, It is a secret event where they can gather, share stories, and find solace in the knowledge that they aren't alone in their power.
The BWC happens in a different country every time, for safety reasons, and the main two rules to participate in the convention is: To be a Skinwalker (That's how they call themselves) and to wear the body of a local from that place, that means you can't bring with yourself skins from home.
Currently the secret Alliance is made up of 130 men around the world. But among these 130 members, there are 10 men who are very close friends with each other, they all share one thing in common: They are all gay.
Surprisingly they are the only gay guys of the entire Alliance, while all the others sought power and money, these 10 friends only care about getting hard in a new sexy body, It was like a sport for them. That's why they created an online group chat, where they can talk and share pictures of their current bodies with each other.
The location of the BWC this time is: USA - Las Vegas.
The 10 friends all arrived individually at the city in an early Friday, the convention would occur during the weekend, so they had to find a new skin quickly, and so they went straight on a hunt for a random local body.
Think of the BWC as the Met Gala, but for people who can turn you into a wearable hollow fleshsuit in a blink. There was this unspoken competition among them, to see who was wearing the hottest or richest skin, and this group of friends clearly didn't care about the last one...
_______________________________________
Carl is a 46 years old married gay man, he is part of the BWA for 17 years, and there is nothing Carl love more than wearing the bodies of fit straight guys. His husband knows he's a skinwalker and is totally fine with it. But because his husband is not a skinwalker, he is not allowed to go to the conventions, so Carl always travels alone.
(Friday, March 1st. 8:19 AM) Carl Sent A Photo
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Carl: I just turned this hot Latino stud in the hotel parking lot. He was walking towards his car while talking on the phone with his girlfriend. That's when I slowly walked behind him and turned him. What do you guys think? Do I wear him well?
Harold: You're looking so hot. You always pick the most hottest guys.
Elijah: Wow, you already found a body? That was fast.
Joel: He's not that impressive, I would give him a 6/10 lol
Elijah: Stop being a jerk Joel. This guy is clearly a 9/10
Carl: Don't mind him Elijah, he's just jealous of my pick.
Joel: He's not really my type, today I'm looking for a sexy tough looking guy to wear.
Peter: Hot choice of skin Carl! Show us his dick please!
Carl: You will have to wait until the Convention to see it. But i'm telling you, he's really big and thick, I know you're gonna love sucking it.
_______________________________________
David is 34 years old and he is part of the BWA for 13 years.
He first found out about his ability when his homophobic stepbrother was trying to beat him up, David closed his eyes and tried to protect his head, but when he opened his eyes, he saw his hot stepbrother lying on the floor completely deflated. David had the most fun years living the life of his douchebag of a stepbrother, until one day, his stepbrother just "disappeared"
(Friday, March 1st. 9:46 AM) David Sent A Photo:
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David: I made two new bodysuits. I saw the handsome blond one at the hotel's pool, he was trying to seduce some girls by showing off his hot body, he just didn't knew he was actually seducing a skinwalker. To get him, I first had to convert this cute room service attendant, after I put him on, I got access to his room and walked inside. I think I'm going to use the attendant tonight for some fun.
Elijah: Oh, the good old room service method. It works every time.
David: It was you who taught me this method back in 2011 when I was still a new member of the BWA.
Damian: It brings back good memories from that one time where we all stayed at the same hotel in the 2011 Convention. Good times.
_______________________________________
Peter Is a 40 years old gay bottom who love to turn big hunky men into Bodysuits and act like a slut in their bodies. He is part of the Body Wearing Alliance for 9 years.
(Friday, March 1st. 11:28 AM) Peter Sent A Photo:
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Peter: Do I look cute? This is Ramón, I turned him at an alley while he was jogging, he's a bodybuilder. I'm gonna make such a good use of his muscles. I'm sure you guys are going to love the muscles in his ass the most.
Joel: I love how you always pick the most biggest guys.
Daniel: I feel bad for this poor bastard, of all the Skinwalkers, he was picked by the most perverted one.
Peter: lol
Carl: He's huge. I'm going to enjoy burying my new thick latino dick in your bodybuilder's ass.
Harold: I really like his pecs. I want to suck on them when we meet tomorrow.
Peter: It's always the pecs for you isn't, Harold? lol
Harold: You're not lying. Actually I just saw this hot guy at the mall and he seems to have very big pecs. I'm going to follow him.
_______________________________________
Harold is a 28 years old scrawny gay man, he has no muscle definition, but he love pecs and it was what he first looked for in a body: Their huge pecs. If the guy didn't had two big meaty pecs, he wound't want them.
He went to the local LA mall to hunt for a body, he knew that the mall was always the perfect place for hunting skins. And he was proven just right when he saw this big and tall hunk walk inside a clothing store. Harold smirked as he entered the store and followed the man.
(Friday, March 1st. 1:05 PM) Harold Sent A Photo:
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Harold: Who want some milk boys? Daddy got all the milkers now.
Peter: Oh my god, look at the size of these tits. I will let you suck on Ramón's tits if you let me suck yours.
Harold: This sounds like a good deal.
Carl: Very nice choice of skin! Good job, Harold.
Peter: Can you send a video of you playing with those hairy tits and pinching his nipples? Please?
(1:15 PM, Harold Sent A 20 Seconds Video To The Group Chat)
In the vídeo he was in the middle of the store, squeezing his new pair of meaty hairy pecs, he lifted one of them and let go, watching them bounce, then he pinched his left nipple and let out a deep loud moan. Without feeling any shame for being in a public space. It wasn't technically him who was being humiliated in public, so he didn't cared.
_______________________________________
Damian and Rashad are a black gay couple (47, 49) they have been together for 11 years and they both had met each other during a Body Wearing Convention back in 2013. It was very known to everyone that they only turned white men into Bodysuits, it was their favorite type of skins. So there was no diversity in their Bodysuit closet, only white men.
(Friday, March 1st. 3:07 PM) Damian Sent A Photo:
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Damian: You guys know how Rashad and I love to hunt white boys, so what better place to find some white skins than at the LA beach? We saw this group of young frat boys surfing and we converted these two 19 years olds, they were just the most handsome ones in their group. Turns out they are twin brothers.
David: This is such a hot pair, and the fact they are brothers makes it even more hot!
Carl: I want to fuck the long haired one with my thick latino dick while I pull his hair.
Damian: I like this Idea. His long hair would be great to use as a handle for a hard fuck. I might even try It later tonight.
David: Send us a video if you do.
_______________________________________
Joel is the youngest one of the group, at only 19 he already has a count of 86 Bodysuits, and he's part of the Body Wearing Alliance for only 1 year. That's why, the BWA leader tasked Elijah, a veteran in the art of wearing bodies, to watch for Joel and not let the young man expose their secret society.
(Friday, March 1st. 5:14 PM) Joel Sent A Photo:
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Joel: My new bodysuit is still deflating. I can't wait to finally wear him and show him to you guys. He's so hot.
Carl: You gave my bodysuit a 7/10, so he better be a 10/10.
Isaac: Wow he's packing.
Harold: When he deflate, please send us a pic of you in him. I want to see if his front looks as good as his back side.
(Friday, March 1st. 5:40 PM) Joel Sent A Photo:
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Joel: I'm inside him now. I saw this sexy daddy at the hotel's bar. I waited for him to go to his room and then I followed him, as soon as he opened the door I converted him, right there at the door's entrance, I mean, of course he took a bit longer to deflate, so I had to drag him inside. I actually wanted to wear a scary looking soldier that I saw at the bar, but Elijah didn't let me. Still, I'm very glad with my pick.
Harold: Holly fuck!!!
Peter: He's a very sexy bodysuit. Wish I was there to give him a very special room service.
Carl: Where is Elijah by the way? Should he not be with you?
Joel: Elijah Is outside, I don't know where he went, but he said he was going to be back soon.
Carl: Did he picked a bodysuit already?
Joel: Yes he did, a young and hot fuckboy. Let me send a pic of him.
Joel Sent A Photo:
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Joel: This is the body Elijah picked to wear at the convention tomorrow. I think he got this one at the hotel's bathroom maybe? I'm not sure. I hope he don't mind that I'm wearing his brand new skin.
Elijah: Boy, you're in big trouble!
Joel: Shit, I'm sorry, I thought you wouldn't mind. I'm gonna take him off.
Elijah: Don't you dare taking him off, I'm not going to wear him anymore, I found a better body to wear tomorrow. wait for me, I'm getting up there right now.
(Friday, March 1st. 6:22 PM) Elijah Sent A Photo:
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Elijah: You don't want to disobey me in my new body, boy, so you better be on your knees when I get inside, I'm horny and this guy have big balls full of cum.
Joel: Yes sir!
Peter: Oh yes sir indeed!
Carl: lol you're fucked Joel.
_______________________________________
Isaac is a 24 years old gay man, and like everyone else in this group, he was addicted to wearing hunky men. He is more reserved and shy, and don't talk much in the group chat. However, he enjoys jerking off while viewing the photos his friends would send to the group chat.
He might be the most shy and reserved in the group, but once he's wearing a handsome hunk, he becomes a whole new different person, a more dominant and cocky one.
(Friday, March 1st. 8:37 PM) Isaac Sent A Photo:
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Isaac: Seeing you guys wearing such hot bodies is getting me so freaking hard. I can't wait for tomorrow. I got this one at the gym's lockerroom. Who wants to take care of my boner?
Peter: I do! I want to get on my knees in Ramón's body and let you use his slutty mouth.
Harold: You're looking so damn hot, Isaac, good pick.
Carl: Was you working out? Your skin looks very sweaty.
Isaac: I was. I wanted to test out my new muscles.
Carl: Great. Can't wait for the convention tomorrow, where we can finally see each other's bodies in person and have the orgy of the year.
372 notes · View notes
st-eve-barnes · 2 months
Text
Leverage (Michael Gavey x fem Reader)
Chapter 5
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Summary: When your ex threatens to release some very personal videos you are left with no choice but to do what he asks: seduce the biggest nerd on campus, Michael Gavey. Will you rock his world or will he fundamentally change yours?
This chapter: You and Michael spend more and more time together, making you forget all about the reason for your arrangement, until Ben reminds you...
Word count: +4300
Warning for the entire fic: 18+ for explicit content and language. Kissing, oral sex (male & fem receiving), dry humping, hand job, fingering, p in v sex. First kiss and loss of virginity. Experienced reader. Enemies to lovers vibes.
Fluff, smut and of course angst (my favorite combination! lol)
Read the first chapters Here
(I FINALLY watched Saltburn over the weekend and I finally get why people are going crazy over it, I loved it so much!)
***
All my fics are also on AO3
***
“Fuck,” you breathed heavily, biting your bottom lip to keep your moans quiet,”Please…right there…oh god, Michael, please.”
Your hands were gripping the sheets, back arching off the bed. Not yours but Michael’s bed. You were in his room, his small but immaculately clean room. And you weren’t here to study math.
The nerd you had never spoken a word two barely three weeks ago was now nestled comfortably in between your legs, half naked and with his tongue so far up your cunt you were close to your 4th orgasm of the afternoon.
“Fuck”, you whined again,”Michael, I…I can’t…it’s too much…please.”
He looked up at you through foggy glasses, his hair a mess, cheeks burning red and his mouth covered in your arousal. The sight alone was too much for you to take and you could feel your walls spasming around nothing.
“Come on, baby, you can give me one more, can’t you?” he asked, but before you could answer he was licking your clit again.
You moaned out loud, hands now tangled in his hair, torn between pushing him away or pulling him in even closer. You were completely overstimulated, yet desperate to come one last time. You were so close yet so far.
“Breathe, sweetheart. Focus on my mouth, nothing else matters, just feel me,” Michael pleaded, his large hand covering yours in a gentle squeeze while he started fucking you with his tongue again.
How was he the one in control all of a sudden? When did this happen?
He’d been nervous as hell when you came up to his room earlier that day, he was fidgety and more quiet than usual. He had asked to meet you for another tutoring session and you’d agreed to meet up in his room.
When you asked him if there was something specific he wanted to try he had blushed so deep and turned into a stuttering mess right before your eyes. The whole thing had made your heart melt for him again.
It had taken him about fifteen minutes to get the words out and ask you for what he wanted, his voice a trembling mix of nerves and hunger combined with curiosity.“I want to eat you out,,” he’d eventually confessed,” I want…to kiss you there, lick you until you can’t stand it no more and then…I want to feel you come on my tongue. Is that…can I, please?”
You had swallowed hard at his words, wetness pooling in your panties at his request.
“Can you teach me?” he begged, insecurity and eagerness in his pleading blue eyes.
He’d been too rough at first, too eager and too nervous to let himself enjoy it but once you guided him through it, told him to focus on your body and the way it reacted to him, he’d gotten the hang of it so fast.
That was two hours ago and apparently it had been enough to turn Michael into a pussy eating champion.
Right now he was kissing your clit, slowly, giving you some time to calm down and prepare you for your next climax. He knew your body couldn’t take much more but he was determined to make you fall apart for him one last time. The feeling of you surrendering to him, soaking his mouth in your arousal, made him feel all powerful. It was addictive as fuck, and it only made him want more and more.
His one hand was firmly placed on your inner thigh, keeping you open for him while the other explored every part of your body he could reach, caressing your skin and moving up to squeeze your tits every now and then.
He’d been hard the moment you had taken off your clothes but he was happy to ignore his own needs to focus on yours today.
You moaned when his mouth moved down and he pushed his tongue deep inside of you, nose pressing up deliciously against your clit, encouraging you to grind against him.
“Fuck,” you whimpered,”Oh god, please…please…”
Michael looked up at you with a smirk,”What are you begging for, sweetheart? Tell me.”
“Can I…grind against your face a little, please?” you begged, taken aback by the desperation in your own voice. He had you reduced to a whimpering, pleading mess and you didn’t even care.
“Of course you can, sweetheart,” he answered with a satisfied grin and he grabbed both your legs and pulled them over his shoulders, dragging you even closer.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” you whispered hesitantly.
“You won’t,” he reassured you and he gave one slow lick over your folds before sucking gently on your clit.
“Oh god,” you whimpered,”Don’t stop…please. Please, Michael, don’t stop…shit…”
He halted his movements to lock eyes with you for a moment,”I won’t stop until you come in my mouth, okay? I want you to…take what you need, ride my face, do whatever….okay?”
You had lost the ability to speak but you nodded quickly, biting your lip.
Just before he put his mouth back on you, you stopped him. “Wait!”
“What?” Michael asked.
“If I’m hurting you just…double tap on my thigh here, okay? And I’ll stop.”
“You’re not going to hurt me,” he smiled softly,”Relax for me, okay?”
You nodded again and then all your hesitations fell away when his tongue pushed deep inside your walls.
It didn’t take long for you to do what he asked of you and grind yourself against his face. His nose rubbing your clit in the most perfect way and then you were falling apart. Your entire body started shaking and Michael didn’t relent, licking you through every last wave of it until you thought you had ascended to a better place. Your body, and soul, were completely spent afterwards.
Michael’s hand found yours again, locking your fingers together and gently rubbing your skin with his thumb while he kept slowly kissing your folds and then your inner thighs and stomach, his kisses slowing down with the rhythm of your heart. Your hands found his hair and you caressed his scalp gently, his name a quiet whisper on your lips, putting a smile on his face.
He stayed in bed with you the rest of that afternoon, never pushing for anything more except to hold you and talk to you. Michael may have grown bolder in his pillow talk during these last two weeks you’d been seeing each other, but outside of that he was still a closed book and a mystery to you. You were still trying to get him to come out of his shell and get to know him better, page by page.
“Tell me about your parents,” you asked as you both lay against the head of the bed, his head on your stomach and your hands gently tracing patterns over his shoulders and back.
“Not much to tell,” he shrugged,”They both have mediocre jobs and a mediocre life, working for rich cunts that make all the money while my parents work their buts off and barely make enough to get by.”
The bitterness in his tone was harsh and unforgiving.
“My dad works overtime every week and they still can’t afford a nice holiday or a bigger house,” he continued,”And they never will, because the system fucks people like them.”
You caressed his hair and he sighed softly before looking up into your eyes.
“That’s not going to be my life,” he then said, determined.
You gave him a warm smile,”There’s nothing mediocre about you, Michael Gavey.”
His lips curled into a gentle smile when he met your eyes.”My mum noticed I was different very early on, I was always smarter than all the other kids, especially when it came to numbers and stuff. I could just do it, without even thinking. But…other kids didn’t understand, they thought I was a weirdo. It got worse in high school, got bullied a lot.”
His eyes left yours and he gently pressed his face into the crook of your neck while he closed his eyes, pushing away those memories. Your arms wrapped around him to hug him closer.
“Kids can be cruel,” you spoke softly,”Especially at the age where they should know better.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, coming back to you and looking at you again,”Anyway, I know I’m smarter than all those pricks and my future will be brighter than theirs, and better than mum and dad’s. That’s why I don’t believe in wasting time with stupid distractions like drinking and partying. Graduating is the only thing that matters.”
”So…what is this then? You and me? Is this not a distraction from your big studies?” you teased.
He smiled bashfully and moved to place himself on top of you, caging you between his arms,”This is not a distraction, this is…gaining some much needed experience and useful skills that will serve me well later on in life.” He softly kissed your jaw and you laughed.
“Is that so?”
“Hmm, you are an amazing tutor and you’ve been really good to me ,” he continued while moving his kisses down your neck and pressing himself up against you. He was hard again. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders while his hands moved to push up your top, to reveal yourself to him again. “So, so good to me,” he repeated in a whisper before his tongue circled around your nipple and he bucked his hips, letting you feel his full clothed erection against your bare center.
“Michael,” you moaned.
“Can I fuck you now? Please?” he breathed against your skin.
You nodded instantly, pushed his sweatpants over his ass and welcomed him in between your tight, wet heat.
***
During the next few weeks you kept meeting up with him as often as you both could, sneaking off to either his or your room to spend the night in bed together. He was still a little insecure at times but the awkward virgin from the beginning was slowly starting to transform into someone bolder and more confident, not just in his actions but his words as well.
You had gotten to know him better than anyone in this short period of time. Sometimes you still wanted to kick him in the head for how blunt he could be, but he always made up for it with his sweet, adorable side. And with sex, of course.
You were starting to forget what started this whole thing between you and him.
But of course Ben was there to remind you.
You had just picked up some books from the library and were on your way out when he intercepted you in one of the corridors. He blocked your way out, arms crossed over his chest and a smug grin on his face.
“What?” you sighed annoyed.
“I underestimated you, I didn’t think you could actually do it,” he simply stated.
“Do what?”
“Fuck him stupid.”
“That’s not…that’s not what happened,” you sighed impatiently. You just wanted to get to your room and get some studying done before meeting up with Michael later and most of all you wanted to get away from Ben but he wasn’t budging.
“Are you sure?” he teased,”Because he messed up so bad in class today, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing with my own two eyes, Michael Gavey lost for words and unable to answer a question, I never thought I’d see the fucking day. It was so awesome, you should have been there.”
He laughed and your stomach turned.
“What happened?” you asked, worried.
“I don’t know, you tell me, it was a basic question even I could have answered but he totally fucking short circuited or something. What did your pussy do to him, darling?”
It took everything in you not to hit him for real this time but you took a deep breath and looked into his eyes,”First of all, I’m not your darling, don’t call me that, ever again. And secondly, you’ve lost all rights to talk or even think about my pussy so shut the fuck up.”
He just shrugged,”Fine, whatever, it wasn’t that great anyway.”
Now it was your turn to laugh,”Your dick obviously disagreed with that, if I recall correctly he couldn’t get enough of it.”
He rolled his eyes but you could see a little crack in his armor,”I can’t talk about your cunt but you talking about my dick is fine? Double standards much?”
“You are the dick, Ben,” you pointed out, earning you another laugh from him before his eyes rested on yours.
“He fucks you as good as I did then?” he asked.
“Better,” you answered with a smug smile on your face,”So much better.”
Finally he had no come back and stayed quiet.
“Now, if you please get out of my way so I can go see him,” you  asked but you didn’t wait for him to move, one hand pushing his shoulder so you could step past him.
“The test for that job is next week,” Ben pointed out, making you stop in your tracks.
“And?”
“And? You know what our deal was, don’t you? You distract Michael so he fails the test and I can take his spot.”
“Look, I’m not responsible for what happens with that test. I’ve fucked him, like you asked.”
Ben just shook his head,”And it all means nothing unless I win that position.”
You turned back to look at him, your newly found confidence fading quickly when you met the determination in his eyes and realized you were completely fucked in this scenario.
”But…there’s nothing I can do about that,” you pointed out hesitantly,”I’ve done what you asked of me, what else can I do?”
That smug annoying ass grin was back on his face,”That’s not my problem, darling, I’m sure you’ll think of something. Don’t sweat it, there’s still time.”
And with that he was gone.
***
Michael noticed your teary eyes as soon as he walked into your room that night. You were sitting on your side of the bed, trying very hard not to show him how upset you were.
“Oh, hi,” you tried to give him your best smile but he saw right through it.
Having spent more and more time together he could read you better than anyone by now.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” you tried to brush it off, shrugging your shoulders and looking up at him, fake smile plastered on your face,”How was your day? Did you do anything fun?”
Michael snorted.”Fun? No, not really,” he stepped to your side of the bed and sat down, a little grin spreading on his lips,”But I’m about to do something fun now.”
The tone in his voice made you laugh and you could not be more grateful for it, because for a moment you forgot your tears.”Oh, you are?” you teased.
Michael crawled onto the bed until he was lying on your pillow, his hand reaching out to grab yours and pull you with him. You followed eagerly, straddling his lap.
“But first,” he interrupted you,”You’re going to talk to me. What happened today? What got you so upset?”
“I’m not upset,” you lied, annoyed,“And I don’t want to talk, I want to fuck.”
“We’re not fucking until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“Oh really?” you teased him and you rolled your hips against his crotch, feeling him instantly harden beneath you.
Michael pulled his bottom lip between his teeth to bite back a moan, his hands grabbing your waist to try and hold you still,”Stop that, that’s not…fair..shit.”
You continued your efforts, dragging your clothed pussy over his cock while your hand sank underneath his shirt to caress his stomach. His cock was so hard already you barely had to do anything else. The power you held over him was intoxicating but then Michael grabbed your hands, a bit more forcefully this time while he stared into your eyes.
“I said fucking stop that and talk to me,” he insisted, raising his voice a little but that only spurred you on and when you bucked your hips against him harder his protest died in a needy moan.
“You were saying?” you teased him again, biting your own lip now.
You were only wearing panties underneath your long t-shirt and you could feel him press up against your clit too perfectly. You could probably come just from doing this, he wouldn’t even have to take his pants off.
Michael’s fingers sank into your hips and you could see the dilemma playing in his head. Does he give in or does he keep pushing for you to open up to him? You could tell he was close to losing the battle.
“You’re the student,” you reminded him, placing your hands on his chest,”I’m the tutor. I decide what happens next.”
Before you could make your next move Michael grabbed your ass and moved you off of him, then pushed you down onto the bed and switched positions with you. He was pinning you down to the bed now, a look of victory in his beautiful blue eyes.
“You were saying?” he teased with a smirk.
You were too stunned to speak for a moment. You tried to move your hips again, trying to regain control but he was the one in the position of power now, his weight strong enough to hold you down on the bed without even trying.
“And thus the student becomes the master,” Michael teased with a dorky grin.
“Master?” you scoffed,”Please, you are so full of yourself.”
“No, I’m not,” he denied and he leaned closer to press his lips to your ear, ”But you’d like to be, wouldn’t you? Full of me.”
He pressed his dick up against your clothed pussy to accentuate his words and you knew you were leaving a wet stain on his cargo pants when he started dry humping you.
“Michael,” you whined.
“Are you sure you’re in charge here, sweetheart?” he continued his teasing, biting your earlobe,”Rubbing that wet little cunt all over my dick like a pathetic needy whore that can’t wait to be filled.”
“Fuck,” you whimpered,”Hey, that’s not…that’s not fair! We haven’t covered dirty talk yet, you can’t…fuck…you can’t run ahead of the lessons like that. How did you…?”
Michael just laughed into your neck,”I’m a fucking genius, did you forget? Self study. Now stay still.”
He tried to hold you down with one hand while the other unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down to free his cock.
Now it was your turn to feel victorious and you smirked up at him.“I thought we weren’t fucking before I talked?” you reminded him.
“Change of plans,” he simply stated while spreading your legs and pressing his leaking cock against your folds,”I’ll fuck you first and then we’ll talk.”
Without any further warning he sank his cock deep inside your tight heat, shutting you both up.
Michael pressed his forehead to yours and let out a shaky breath, his gaze locking with yours, taking a few moments before he started fucking you slowly.
Your legs locked around him, forcing him in deeper and he whimpered against your neck.“God, fuck.”
“Go on then, master,” you teased,”Show me what you’ve learned.”
His one hand came to rest on your hip, caressing you softly while his mouth hovered over the curve of your neck. His breath was like fire on your skin, his thrusts slow and patient. Too slow, too shallow, you needed so much more of him and he was holding it just beyond your reach. He was purposely teasing you. And by god was it working.
“Please,” you begged.
“Please what, baby?” Michael breathed.
“More,” you whispered,”I need more of you, please.”
You sighed in relief when he finally started kissing your neck. His hand travelled up and under your shirt to caress your tits, thumb brushing over your nipples when he squeezed softly. You couldn’t hold back your moans any longer.
Your hips were moving along with his, urging him on to speed things up.
“Shhh,” Michael shushed you with more kisses and pushed your shirt up higher,”Take this off.”
You obliged so eagerly it put a satisfied smile on his face. Then his kisses moved down lower until his mouth wrapped around your nipple.
“Michael,” you whined, arching into him and running your fingers through his hair.
He continued giving your breasts his full attention until he felt your walls starting to squeeze around him.
“Oh, you like that a lot, huh?” he grinned proudly, continuing his slow torture with his tongue, all the while keeping eye contact.
You nodded and bit your lip,”God, yes…don’t stop.”
“Am I a good student, miss?” he asked with a teasing smile.
You no longer had to answer him with words, your pussy was doing it for you, clenching hard as your first orgasm started. Michael’s hand moved down to your clit, circling it fast and helping you to fall over the edge with a desperate moan, face buried into his neck.
It didn’t take long for Michael to pick up the pace after that, there were no more teasing words, only desperate little moans as he fucked you into the mattress until you both came again.
“Fuck, you’re becoming way too good at this,” you breathed as you were both lying on the bed afterwards, coming down from the high.”Soon you won’t need my tutoring anymore, huh?” you teased.
Michael looked at you with a sudden serious expression on his face,”No, but…I…I still need so much practice, I was just kidding around when I said that master thing, you know, I didn’t mean…”
“Chill out, I’m just messing with you,” you reassured him.
He gave you a hesitant, hopeful smile,”So we can keep fucking?”
You laughed and nodded your head,”Yeah, we can keep fucking, if you’d like.”
“Cool,” he smiled, more confident now and he turned on his side to look at you,”Yeah, I would like that.”
He was wearing nothing but his boxers, you were only wearing his t-shirt and it surprised you how comfortable you felt around him like this. There was no need to pretend with Michael, he accepted you exactly as you were. He wanted you exactly as you were.
Michael noticed your thoughts drifting off.
“Hey, talk to me,” he urged you.
You looked into his eyes with a sigh, knowing you couldn’t keep avoiding it forever.
“It’s Ben, I ran into him earlier,” you confessed.
“What did he do now?”
“The test for that job is next week.”
“Yeah, and?”
“He felt the need to remind me that…if you get the job, me and him don’t have a deal and he’s going to spread that video,” you told him.
Michael looked at you for a moment before he gently took your hand in his, locking his fingers with yours while his thumb brushed your skin. “Then I won’t take the job,” he simply stated, making you look up at him in shock.
You shook your head,”No, what? Are you mad? You want that job.”
He shrugged his shoulders,”Not if it’s going to ruin your life.”
“No,” you insisted,”I can’t let you do that for me, this is your future, everything you’ve worked for.”
“It’s my decision, okay?” Michael reminded you with a little smile but you just hit him on the shoulder.
“You’re not thinking straight right now, you’re thinking with your dick, Michael! The Michael I knew a few weeks ago would have never…”
“The Michael you knew?” he laughed,”You never even looked at me twice before then, babe, you sure as hell didn’t know shit about me a few weeks ago, don’t act like you knew me,” he interrupted you, his gaze meeting yours in a serious look. You stayed quiet.
“He said something else as well,” you then spoke softly,”He told me you messed up in class.”
Michael rolled his eyes,”That was nothing, it happens to anyone.”
“But not to you though, does it?”
Your eyes locked with his and he nodded his head with a sigh.”Not usually, no,” he confessed.
“What happened?” you asked.
“Nothing,” he lied.
“It’s me, isn’t it? I’m a distraction.”
“No, you’re not,” he tried to reassure you,”I was just tired.”
“Because I kept you up all night!” you pointed out but Michael kept shaking his head, not allowing you to take any blame.
“Sweetheart,” he sighed.
”I don’t want this, okay?” you spoke firmly,”You being distracted in class, passing up on the biggest opportunity in your life? For me? I don’t want that responsibility, Michael. You told me just last week how important this all is for you, how it’s everything that matters and you’re going to make a better life for yourself. How can I stand in the way of that?”
He sighed and nodded his head, finally letting your words sink in.
“Promise me you’ll take the test and get that job,” you asked him,”Promise me, Gavey.”
“Okay, fine,” he nodded, finally caving and letting his eyes meet yours,”I promise, I’ll take the job and we’ll just…we’ll find another way to deal with Ben.”
You laughed bitterly,“What other way?”
“I know someone who might be able to help us, it’s a bit of a long shot but…”
“I don’t know, Michael, maybe I should just accept my fate," you sighed defeated.
“No, come on, don’t give up,” he grabbed your hand again and placed a quick kiss on your knuckles,”We can think of something, we can still find a scenario in which we both win.”
You gave him a smile but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. You wanted to believe him, wanted to believe there was a way out of this.
But you just couldn’t see a scenario in which you could both win.
There was one in which you both lose, and it was closing in on you sooner than you’d like.
336 notes · View notes
lover-of-mine · 7 months
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I'm here to argue my case about how Eddie fell first and has in fact been semi-aware of his feelings since season 3 and it's currently dealing with the way he thinks he'll have to be the best man on Buck's wedding. So sit down, buckle up, grab your delusional drink of choice (today I'm drinking my delusional tea lol), and let's go.
Okay, given season 6 information, we know Buck and Eddie are roughly the same age and we know Eddie was pursued by Bobby and Bobby wanted a partner for Buck (unrelated but Bobby so hoped the military guy would balance out Buck and for a while there he ended up with two very impulsive firefighters and he definitely had a few what the hell have I done moments lol) so it's kinda safe to assume that Buck was one of the selling points of the 118 because Buck is a very competent firefighter and they would be on the same shift. So Eddie went in with the expectation of someone his age he could befriend. I'm making some assumptions but the internet tells me the academy takes a year, we know Eddie still doesn't have a permanent childcare plan, so this man is interacting outside of the academy exclusively with his 7 yo, his abuela, and tia for a year, so I think that the idea of having a friend his own age was appealing to him. Especially after the army and Shannon leaving him. So much so that with his sharp edges, you can actually read things like "I'd go lower" or "you're in the wrong light, man" as attempts to create a bond, very awkward I haven't tried to make friends in forever attempts but attempts nonetheless because he's trying to be helpful. Buck is being Buck, but even Eddie says I hear you're a good guy, so dude is trying to understand what's happening, what's setting Buck off, and while he matches Buck's energy after the gym conversation, he actually continues to try and bond with Buck with the thing that actually works and the "you're badass under pressure" that is still another attempt to get through to Buck. I have various theories about the way Eddie keeps trying to start something, the one I like the most and the most painful one is about how Eddie has had the weight of the world on his shoulders forever. And he had to grow up really fast, and then there is Buck annoying him about nicknames and discussing his body fat percentage, and with all that really carefree energy season 1 and beginning of season 2 Buck had that he probably wanted to know what it felt like. But Buck is Buck and Buck also wanted a friend so dude imprinted on Eddie like a baby duck. But Eddie doesn't mind, like before Bobby comes in to say who got the spot on the calendar, Eddie looks amused by Buck not annoyed. But up until now, that's casual. They're coworkers.
Then we have the earthquake. We know Christopher is Eddie's whole world and he's very careful about the people he lets into their life, considering the earthquake happened on Maddie's first day on the floor and she must've had some sort of training before that, it's safe to assume that Eddie didn't mention Chris at the firehouse for at least a few weeks and he is very hesitant to tell Buck about him, but again Buck is Buck and he switches into reassurance mode and that's when Eddie actually lets him in. I actually would love it if we had an explanation as to why Buck drove Eddie to Chris' school after the shift, but it's something that he went from being hesitant to even mention he existed to introducing Buck to him. But then we have the moment Buck becomes his ride-or-die, you imprinted on me but now I'm hanging on to you, with the whole going to the hospital with him because of abuela and also the way that Buck clears Chris staying at the firehouse before Eddie thinks to do it.
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This moment right here it's what gets Eddie. He's ready to apologize and justify and he doesn't have to because Buck stepped up to do something simply because he realized Eddie needed help and he could do something about it. Eddie is doing everything alone and he needs help but he doesn't know how or who to ask for it and Buck just steps in and does it before he needs to ask. And then there's Carla. Buck tricks him into showing up and literally hands him the solution to his problems because Buck knows Eddie wouldn't accept it if Buck had said what that was about beforehand, but at no point does Buck make it seem like Eddie is a bad parent for needing help. And I think with the whole thing with his parents trying to take Chris from him, that really does something.
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I really like to use the second gif here as a major example of Eddie's heart eyes for Buck, but the first one, when he realizes who Carla is and what she can give him completely changes his demeanor. He was ready to be polite, was probably trying to figure out a way out without saying he was still married, but instead, Buck does something that not only makes Eddie's life easier but makes Christopher's exponentially better. And right then, Eddie is done for. I'm not saying he fell in love with Buck here, I'm just saying right here is when Eddie goes you're stuck with me now dude, and let his guard down with Buck, as much as this Eddie can at least. That's when something starts for him. You can't change my mind on this one. But for now, there's the Shannon of it all, because Eddie does love Shannon but their relationship is beyond complicated. 
But Buck is still constant through Shannon and I think that's important, actually, because Eddie is having trouble trusting Shannon and I feel like having Buck around helps him not go straight to the worst-case scenario all the time. I don't have a point in mentioning this, it's just a clear show of how much Eddie already trusts Buck, but to have Buck go with him to take Chris to see Santa is so wild. Who takes their best friend to see Santa with their kid? Like, what?? But Isn't it interesting that Eddie decides to propose again after Buck asks when is the wedding? I find that fascinating really. Then Shannon dies, Buck almost dies, dude goes into move past it mode but the seed is there. Forever thinking about the wistful shot of Eddie saying almost after Hen says things are back to the way they should be. Something else about the finale it's that it's the first in the list of irrationality moments from Eddie regarding Buck. Eddie is a firefighter, he's objectively stronger than Chimney, so the logical thing to be done is to have Eddie helping lift the truck and Chim treating Buck. But no, at that moment he's a medic who's there to hold Buck's hand. He's just holding Buck's hand. He could've left Buck with Hen and go help lift the truck. But no, he's staying by Buck's side.
But season 3 is when things HAPPEN. We start out strong with the sheer excitement on Eddie's face that Buck is going back to work. Then the way Eddie just hands Christopher over to Buck without a single worry. "Oh, you're falling apart? Here's a kid, he will help" and just goes. We focus a lot on Buck's reaction to them finding Chris because it is what the show wants us to focus, this is the moment Buck looks at Chris and goes "shit I really love that kid" but Eddie looking back at Buck as he holds Chris is interesting. Eddie just went through 30 seconds (actually it's 1 minute 4 seconds from the moment Eddie notices Buck to Eddie having Chris in his arms not that it matters) of the worst possible moments in a parent's life and I guess, since Buck didn't have Chris, and Buck was too shaken to explain what had happened, he assumed Buck lost Chris during the first wave and he's looking back because he's shocked he saved not only himself but Chris from the wave, but from his focus to shift to Buck like that it's interesting. Even more, considering the way he barges into the loft to hand Chris over again. "There's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you" I'm sorry, there's no platonic explanation for the wording of this, okay? This is a man who looked at his honest to god wife, the mother of his child, and said "I can forgive you, I'm just not sure I can trust you" and trust is always the thing Eddie struggles with. To trust someone with Christopher is Eddie's ultimate show of love because it's what makes sense with his character, he is loyal until it kills him but nothing goes above Christopher. Also, Mr. Kids are signs hands over his own child to someone and I'm not supposed to look at that and go "huh wonder what he's feeling"? And there's the lawsuit of it all. Eddie gets that mad because he misses Buck and has no idea what to do with it. Because he got used to being a priority to Buck and he cannot handle the idea that maybe he's not. He's struggling, Chris is struggling and he needs Buck to do the thing he does where he fixes the problem without Eddie having to ask. But Buck has no real responsibility to Eddie or Chris, you can't really expect your best friend to base his life decisions on what's best for you. But it is the expectation Eddie has. He needs Buck to consider him. He needs Buck to be there for him no matter what. And at this point, when he's screaming at Buck as if they are a divorced couple, he's aware of something. He's definitely aware of something he doesn't want to look too closely at. 
Because being left by Buck leaves him completely off balance. And since Eddie is famous for not dealing with the shit he's feeling, things keep escalating because anger it's easier. Anger he can deal with. But in the end, he just wants Buck back so he forgives him the second he lets Buck speak. Because he wants the Buck that looks right through him, he wants what they have back. And he doesn't hesitate once he does. There are definitely some lingering feelings about how he kept pushing Shannon away and then she died and he "lost" time he could've had if he had let her in after he sought her out, so when Buck apologizes he just goes let's go team and moves on because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. 
But I think there's something important to take into consideration, that it's Eddie's therapy session. He talks about not feeling anything, good or bad, and the his feelings are boxed thing and how he doesn't know what to do with them and yes, that comes back into play later, but it is important that Eddie doesn't name his feelings and he consistently tries to box them and move past them instead of feeling them, and it gets to a point where he's doing this even to positive things. So he is not looking too closely as to why missing Buck throws him off balance. He's all let's go back to the way things were and they do. Forever seeking for a heterosexual explanation to the kitchen scene in 3x09 but I also do think there are different types of tension between them there. Because while Buck is teasingly trying to get Eddie to admit on what had happened and how Buck's absence was a trigger for Eddie's fight club era in his flirty way of his, Eddie is trying to make him stop talking in a real "man don't make me look at what happened too closely" because he doesn't know what he'll find. Or if he's ready to find it. Considering the whole widower who never processed a big emotion in a healthy way he has going on there. But Buck is a really steady presence in Eddie's life, and Buck does his best to not put them in the lawsuit situation again, he's around, he's helping Eddie with parenting issues and then we have the well.
The well is a pivotal moment. Not just because of the sheer amount of Buck in Eddie's I need to keep fighting montage and the way Buck is acting above the ground, but because of the way Eddie changes his will after that and chooses to hide the fact that he did. Eddie has parents who are more than willing to raise Christopher, he has sisters, he has a lot of blood relatives that he could assign as Chris' guardians if something happens, but he chooses Buck. He chooses a firefighter, who is not only a firefighter, it's also his partner so if Eddie ends up in a life-threatening situation, Buck will probably be there too, so it's not the biggest safeguard. Buck is also single and without kids of his own. He also has known Buck for what? 2 years at that point? Eddie's lawyer probably stared at Eddie in disbelief when Eddie explained the situation. But the real thing about the will is that Eddie doesn't talk about it. Dude had some revelations while under all that mud because the only reason he wouldn't tell Buck is if he couldn't tell Buck without talking about himself. That's the only explanation for why he would hide it. Because Buck would ask why him, why now, like he did when Eddie did finally tell him, but right then Eddie can't shift the focus back to Buck. But there's a very subtle change in the way Eddie acts around Buck after the well. And again, sure, you can play off Eddie's reaction to when Buck wants to do something dangerous as he needs Buck to stay alive, but you can't really apply that logic to the way Eddie acts about Abby. Like, Eddie is petty to girls who want Buck, that's a fact. And Eddie is petty about Abby, but he also gets unsure about his place in Buck's life when he sees Buck's reaction to seeing Abby. And they focus on Eddie there. We get Eddie's reaction to that interaction. That means something.
We get Eddie legit feeling insecure about his place in Buck's life over the fact that Abby is there. And Eddie knows Abby as this entity, the one that got away, the person responsible for Buck being the way he is, because that's the way Abby is talked about, and sure, if I was in Eddie's shoes, only seeing the damage someone did to my best friend and then have them risking their life because of whatever lingering feelings are still there, I would also reserve myself the right to hate them, but it's more than that. Like, the way he backs away from the both of them once Buck goes into protector mode.
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"Abby, His fiancée's Abby." *stomps away*. Absolutely insane interactions happen there that paint Buck as still hung up on Abby, even more after the whole thing with Red, but if you look at it with the right lenses, it paints Eddie as jealous of the way Buck is willing to put himself in danger to keep someone who broke him happy.
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Every reaction from Eddie in the train wreck feels so calculated to give this idea that he's unsure of his place in Buck's life. His face when he realizes who he's talking to, his hand hovering over Buck's shoulder like he wants to comfort him but doesn't know if he can, the way he looks at Buck after Abby and Sam are in the ambulance. He's completely off balance at the sight of the ghost of Buck's great lost love and I'm supposed to believe that man is just experiencing platonic friendship feelings about his best friend? Come on. 
Season 4 is complicated. Because of the Ana and Taylor of it all. They do have the easy banter, Eddie being someone Buck can rely on during the whole mess with his parents, a few scenes of Buck completely comfortable in Eddie's space and Eddie just moving around him like he's meant to be there, but we know the Ana of it all happens because of external pressure. Eddie thinks he needs to date, so he grabs onto the first woman he can. The way his whole body relaxes when he realizes Christopher is with Buck is actually insane. But even though he's dating, he's holding on to Buck in a way. Absolutely obsessed with how much he hates Taylor. Dude legit looks like he's fantasizing about running her over with the fire engine while watching Buck and Taylor interact making Buck ignore him. 
But then Eddie gets shot. Say whatever the fuck you want Eddie reached for Buck. He thought he was dying. And he reached for Buck.
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Eddie's been aware of something he doesn't want to look at too closely since the lawsuit that became harder to ignore after the well that he became fully aware of when he got shot. I know that what we have now says Eddie doesn't remember the shooting but wouldn't it be beautiful if he lied because he can't say what he remembers because everything he remembers is about Buck? The dramatic effect of I'm lying to you because I realized I loved you then but I can't tell you that now? Ugh. Anyway, Eddie got shot, things fell into place when he hit the ground, terrible place to have an oh! moment though. Dude just got shot, he's bleeding out, and the thing he gathers the rest of his energy is to ask if Buck is hurt. Sure, you can look at that as I think I'm dying so one of us has to make it home to Chris, but the possibility of it being an I love you I need to know you're okay before this kills me it's there. But he doesn't die. And when he wakes up Buck tells him it would've been better if he had been shot. You can see it on Eddie's face that he kept rehearsing what he was going to say about the will. Something else is the way that Ali takes Buck home after the truck so it would honestly make sense if Ana took Eddie home but he probably asked Buck to do it. That scene feels like an aborted love confession. "You act like you're expendable but you're wrong" the way he's saying you're not spare parts, you're not less important, you matter so much to me. Eddie knows Buck, he knows Buck associates love with pain. He wouldn't actually say something after he almost died, but it feels like he's working up to something. Sure he needs to break up with Ana, but there's time before he heals and can just, do something about it. But then Taylor fucking Kelly is in his welcome home party. He knew Buck and Taylor were working up to something. He knows Taylor being there means it happened. A violent reminder that Buck is straight (debatable) and doesn't feel the same (also debatable). So back to safety, he goes. 
I need to know who decided that having this particular look when they are literally talking about how Eddie is about to meet Ana's whole family was the way to go.
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Also, can you believe Eddie needed Buck's approval to break up with the girlfriend he didn't even want to date anyway?
Season 5 is complicated because of Eddie's PTSD, 5A has a lot of Eddie pulling away because of the way he knew when the dam broke it wouldn't be pretty and he didn't want to take down anyone with him. But even when we see Eddie out of the job, we see him making an effort to include Buck and Taylor so Buck would know that he really did mean the whole "you're stuck with us" thing. I can talk about 5x11 to 5x14 and the implications of it to buddie for days, really, (you can read this for some of those thoughts), but the thing here I guess, it's a lot about how when the box exploded, the feelings are all over the place, Eddie sits back and lets Buck in. He talks about the way he's feeling in a way we don't really see Eddie do all that often and he leans on Buck through his recovery and the process of finding out how to not feel like there's no hope for himself and how to feel comfortable in his own skin again. And it's a lot about Buck and the way Buck is constant. Eddie feels like Buck is this steady presence in his life that can and does help Eddie move forward.
But the thing is, the shooting happened, Eddie realized things, Taylor Kelly (derogatory) happened, Taylor Kelly (derogatory) took herself out of the running, Eddie now has the tools to deal with his own emotions, he's single, Buck's single, they're having dinner with Chris at Buck's loft and Eddie is asking Buck about things Chris kept from him, but Eddie is in a fantasy bubble where he can pretend he has the things he wants without actually asking for anything to change. I mean, post therapy Eddie is better with his feelings, but he's still Eddie. He was in his little I have time bubble. That was violently popped. Because Buck died. And he had to save him. "Do more" is such a desperate thing for a first responder and former combat medic to scream at a team of doctors. He knows they always do the best they can. He did the best he could, but there's only so far he can go. The way he follows the gurney hurts me in so many ways. Some real don't go where I can't follow bullshit.
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This is a man who watched Buck almost die multiple times. But this is also a man who never contemplated the possibility of Buck actually dying. The thing that drives me crazy about Eddie and everything surrounding Buck's death is that he can't look at it. He can't take his eyes off him, but once he's out of his sight he can't look at him again. He spends the whole time not looking at Buck. He looks away every time someone mentions it. Even when he's in the room with Chris he's not looking. 3 minutes 17 seconds. Look, this number bothers me. Bobby said they were 3 minutes out from the hospital and that it took 3 minutes to start compressions. So Buck was dead for 6 minutes. The rescue took 3 minutes. And Eddie counted. That's the only explanation for this particular number. He counted how long it took to get Buck to Chim and Hen and in the ambulance ready to go.
But Eddie was living comfortably in his bubble, I don't think he was at peace with it, but I do think he accepted it. But Buck wakes up, Buck seeks him out to help deal with the trauma. They look like a family, they act like a family, maybe it's not hopeless after all. Maybe Buck can feel the same and they can talk about it once Buck is not feeling so raw over his own death. Buck is just there all the time, something like that can't be one-sided, can it? But then Buck pulls the rug from under him. I made a very long post about the cemetery, you can read that one if you want, but the thing about that conversation is that it is a reminder that they are not on the same page. Because Buck throws him off balance again, considering the way Eddie was trying his hardest to be there for Buck just for Buck to say he's getting what he wants from a random woman he met a few days before. And it makes Eddie back away so he won't end up hurting his own feelings more. I think at this point Eddie has accepted the fact that he's going to have to be Buck's best man and is trying to find a way to be okay with it. So he's retreating to familiarity again. It explains why he's trying to recreate what he had with Shannon because he loved Shannon, so maybe if he found that again he wouldn't have to cut Buck off to move on. Because he needs Buck on some level but there is a limit on how much he can take while Buck goes around looking for something he already has.
And yes I talked and talked and talked but why does this mean Eddie fell first? Well, Buck will never figure it out on his own. The thing about Buck is that Buck doesn’t know what healthy love is. He thinks love is work, but in a it’s bleeding himself dry for someone way. He thinks love is pain. Eddie is safety. Eddie is home. He never knew home as a place where he can find love.
This is all for today. If you read this I love you. Also the doc I typed it out says it has over 4.3k words so this is long as fuck congratulations for sticking through it 🩷
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peachesofteal · 9 months
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I love me some angst and this baby trapped au is sustaining me!! But I gotta ask… what happens if darling just haves the baby then up and leaves in the middle of night?? Leaving Simon and Johnny to raise this baby they forced on her?? Or even worse (and forgive me for this) she dies in childbirth and then they finally have their baby but no darling…. They’re probably having some regrets about lying to her lol
This au has invaded my life and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m hooked ❤️🪝
SEEK HELP. But don't, because I love you. And this.
Baby trap au / Darling left after discovering her tampered birth control 18+ Mature themes. Character death. Childbirth. Hurt absolutely no comfort.
It starts with the twinge in the lower part of your belly, off to the left side. You had woken up with it, on top of your usual sore back and stiff muscles, the everyday occurrences that seemed plague you consistently since the start of your third trimester. You were always hot, always tired, always crampy, grumpy, and generally... miserable.
You didn't mean to be, but being pregnant was a hardship in so many ways, and being pregnant with no one to help you, was even harder. It took its toll. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. And now, by the ninth month... you were just so ready to be done with it.
You hadn't seen or talked to the guys since the day you walked out, the day you found that fucked up piece of foil, the day you realized what they did, and you left. You hated them for it. Hated them, for taking away your choice. Hated them, for trying to control your body. Hated them, for removing your autonomy.
At night, when you laid down to sleep, it was impossible not to feel other things, the longing, the loneliness, the love, that still lived in your heart for them, against all odds, the ache of missing them growing in your soul as your baby grew each month.
You were in an impossible situation. One you didn't know what do with it.
But today, you were preoccupied with the twinge. The twinge, that had bloomed into a full spasm of muscles across your belly, the twinge that had your boss insisting you go to hospital as soon as possible.
"Let us call an ambulance. I've had four kids! I know labor when I see it." She had hemmed and hawed while you told her it wasn't necessary, that you weren't even in active labor yet, and that you still felt totally okay.
"I'm fine." you had reassured her. "Walking is good for labor right? I'm just going to walk the three blocks and be fine."
Six hours later, you're in a bed with your legs in a pair of stirrups with a nurse by your side, holding your hand as your contractions get closer and closer, your body seizing and cramping with pain through each one, the sting getting worse and worse as the minutes tick on.
You're doing this. You're having a baby. Alone.
The realization shocks you, startles you into a moment of weird, zen like reflection, like everything is moving in slow motion around you, like nothing is progressing as you think about the fact that the guys aren't actually here, that you never did call them, that you never did tell them that you wanted to forgive them one day. That you wanted to talk to them. See them again.
That you wanted them to be here with you, for this, to see the birth of their daughter.
Another contraction rips through you and steals your breath, and you faintly hear the nurse telling you breathe while your body locks up in unmeasurable pain. Something prods between you legs, and then there's a voice saying you're fully dilated, and ready to push.
Ready? Now?
No. No... you can't. It's too fast. They're not here. They need to be here. You have to call them.
"Oh sweetheart, don't cry." The nurse speaks softly to you, but you can't help it. You want them. They were supposed to be here. They were supposed to be ones holding your hand, helping you, cutting the cord.
"We're going to push on the next contraction, okay?" Your doctor tells you, but you shake your head vehemently.
"No. I want my partners." you sob, and your nurse makes a sympathetic noise, while stroking some hair out of your face.
"You have to push." The nurse encourages, and pain streaks across your belly, sharp and insistent, forcing you to gasp for more air. "Ready? Push!" She tries to coach you, but you can't do it, can't even move, your body just writhing through the pain as your head spins and you pant. Your doctor says your name, kindly but somewhat stern after the contraction passes, and you moan.
"This baby is coming. You have to push." She says, and you know she's right, but you just can't get there in your mind, unable to consider the idea of her being born without Johnny or Simon being here.
"I want them." you sob, another spasm ripping through your body, forcing you to curl forward with an anguished shout. The nurse blots a cool, damp cloth against your head, while someone else on your other side adjusts your bed. There are people everywhere, all moving around in flurry, except for the doctor who's settling between your legs, eyes locking onto yours above your mask.
"There's no time dear." She says, and when you look up into your nurse's face, she seems sincere, encouraging and sweet, but you don't care. You want Johnny. You want Simon.
"P-please." You moan. "My phone- the passcode is 6669." The numbers come as a grunt when another contraction pulses through you. It's awful, burning, biting pain that shreds your belly, the muscles in your thighs, your back, everywhere, and you scream through it, while the two nurses on either side of you fold your legs back and the doctor coaches you to push.
"I can't!" You really can't. You can't do this without them. You don't even care about what they did anymore. You don't want to do this without them. They have to be here. "I can't, I ca-can't. Please, call Johnny. Or, or Simon." You pant, and eye the nervous looking aide that stands behind one of the nurses. "Call them!" You shout, and your sweet nurse gives him a nod, urging him into action as he fumbles with your phone and steps outside.
"Okay sweetheart. We're calling them, okay? But you have to push. Your body is ready." You shake your head, but you know she's right. You can feel your body bearing down, your muscles working inside of you, everything aligning so that you can have this baby.
It fills you with fear. Dread overcomes you, and when you feel the next contraction coming on, you begin to hyperventilate.
You can't have their baby without them.
"No... nonono-" You protest, like you're telling yourself, your own body, not to do what it was meant to do. It's useless however, because as your contraction peaks, your doctor is counting, and you can't help but push the way your body wants to, screaming your pain as loud as you can.
"Good job." She encourages once it passes, her eyes checking a tablet that's held in front of her face quickly, before returning her gaze back to you. "Okay, next one you're going to push for the full ten seconds okay? You can do it."
"I don't want to." You protest with a cry, and your nurse pats your hand sympathetically.
"I know, I know." She helps shift you forward, and then the next one is coming, and you feel like you're being torn apart, like your body is burning and being ripped in two as you push.
"I can see the head, you're almost there." Someone says, but you're not sure who it is, or if you care, your focus moving to one sole thing now, getting this baby out of your body as fast as you can. You breathe for maybe five seconds before the next wave begins, and then you're dropping your chin to your chest while you push with everything you have, voices in the room rising and falling, everything feeling too loud and too overwhelming, and then all of the sudden, there's a shifting inside of you, and then suddenly an overwhelming emptiness before-
a screaming, crying, shrieking baby is plopped onto your chest.
"There she is!" Your nurse calls, and you stare, slack jawed, unable to speak, unable to move while they cover her with a blanket and someone continues to work between your legs. "Congratulations mum!" The baby cries, and you lift a hand to cradle her closer while someone wipes around the top of her head.
"Hi, Bee... I'm your mom." you cry, and lower your lips to her head, placing a soft kiss on her skin while someone rubs her down. She cries, lungs healthy and full of power, and you laugh a little.
"Did you get a hold of them?" You ask him breathlessly, and he nods with a gulp.
"They're on their way." They're on their way. The words slam against your heart, and the feeling of relief is immense. They're coming. They're going to be here.
"Thank you." You hardly look at him, keeping your eyes on Bee, and her little angel face, perfect in every way.
The next few minutes pass in a blur. The doctor works on you, pressing on your stomach a few times in an awful way that hurts but is necessary, and then your bed is moved to a better position for sitting up. Bee is removed from your chest for measurements and a quick clean up, before she's placed back in your arms, freshly swaddled and soothed. You're mesmerized by her nose, her eyelashes, her tiny fingers that wrap around one of yours. Your baby, your daughter. The one you carried for nine months, the one that you went through so much heartache for, the one that you struggled so much for, was finally here. You wish they were here already, to see her, to see how precious she is, how amazing, and you sniffle through some tears when you realize you'll get to see the looks on both their faces when they see her for the first time, when they hold her.
You lift your hand to stroke the softness of her cheek, and frown, when it doesn't really cooperate... the limb feeling heavy and stiff, like it's not even really on your body. That's... weird. You try again, and again, with no success, and then you realize the room is kind of shifting, kind of spinning slightly, like you're dizzy.
"Uh-" You call out to the nurse who's on a laptop at the desk, her back partially turned towards you, and she glances over with a smile that quickly changes to a firm line when she rushes over. "I feel funny." You tell her, and she nods, the mechanics of the bed whirring while you're lowered completely flat. Bee cries, disrupted by the movement, and you want to shush her, soothe her, but the words don't come, and everything is very loud all of the sudden, bells, whistles, beeps and alarms going off at a frantic pace overtop the voices that have quickly filled the room.
"-ake the baby."
"too much-"
"hemmorage-"
The words come in clips, and your vision becomes filled with white dots as Bee is lifted off your chest, the arm that held her close to your body falling limply to your side. What's happening? You want to ask, want to scream it at them. Where are you taking her? She's crying in the nurse's arms, her distressed little face the last thing you see before your vision goes completely black, and you fade away.
"Drive fucking faster." Johnny shouts, and Simon squeezes his knee to try to calm him as best he can in this moment, even though the two of them are the farthest thing from being calm.
You were in labor, and you had actually called them. Simon's heart had soared when he answered the phone, telling the guy on the phone to tell you that they were on their way, that they'd be there soon while he and Johnny sprinted to the car. You had called them. You wanted them there.
"Tell her we love her!" He had huffed while fumbling with the keys. "We love her so much. We'll be there soon."
"Settle, Johnny." He's trying to keep Johnny calm, trying to keep himself calm, while also trying to drive as fast as possible to get to you.
"Aye, 'm sorry. I'm just... I can't wait to see her. I can't believe she called." Simon can't either. He can't believe that after eight months of being apart, eight months of wondering if they'd even ever see you again, it was them you were calling for when you needed someone, them that you wanted by your side.
It felt like a gift. It felt like a second chance.
"I hope she's okay." Johnny hedges, nervous tinge to his voice and Simon rubs his thigh to try to soothe him.
"I'm sure she's fine, babies are born all the time, yeah?"
"Yeah."
They rush the desk when they get there, both spitting out your name and the woman jerks backwards before adjusting, typing onto her keyboard to locate your record. A full minute passes, while the receptionist's brow furrows, and they both nearly explode.
"She should be here, we got a phone call." Johnny blurts.
"Should be in labor and delivery." Simon tries to provide, helpfully and they both stand there anxiously, while she taps away.
"Ah! Sorry, there she is. I've paged the L&D department, and someone will be down shortly. You can wait in those seats over there." She points to some arm chairs, and they both ignore the suggestion, opting to stand right in front of a set of doors.
"Mr. Riley? Mr MacTavish?" A female voice calls a few minutes later, and they nod, overeager as she approaches. A million questions bubble up in Simon's head, where are you, have you delivered yet, are you doing okay, how's the baby... but they all come to a screeching halt when the doctor gets close enough for him to read her face.
No.
"Can you come with me?"
"And there was just too much blood. Once the hemorrhaging started, it couldn't be controlled." Johnny hears what the doctor is saying. He can hear her, loud and clear. He copies her.
But he doesn't understand. His brain can't make the words fit, can't make them make sense. What does that mean? He glances at Simon, who doesn't look at him, just stares at the doctor, face stricken, pale as ash. Like he's seen a ghost. Like someone has died. But that can't be right.
"Alright." He says slowly. "But she's going to be okay?"
"Johnny." Simon croaks, and the doctor shakes her head.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. MacTavish. She's gone." Who's gone? Not you, obviously. What's going on here?
"No. No, no she can't be gone." Johnny protests. This doctor is clearly confused. "She just had someone call us. She's having... she's having a baby. Our baby. She's-" The doctor gives him a sad look, sympathetic and understanding. "No. She can't be gone, we just... we just got here. We-"
"Johnny." Simon says again and Johnny pivots on him.
"Tell her Si. Tell her, she's alright." Simon swings an arm forward, grabbing him by the collarbone, and holding on tight, pulling him close to his body.
It's only then, when Johnny looks up into Simon's face, and sees the tears there, sees those eyes, flooded, sees his cheeks, wet, his face full of turmoil and distress, that it really makes sense.
"No." He whispers. "No, she can't be." He shakes his head, and Simon tries to hold it still, tries to cradle his face in his palms. "Simon." He moans, word splitting into a cry, and then he's burying his face into Simon's neck, spilling hot tears onto his skin. Darling. Their Darling. Their Darling girl. Gone.
Because of them.
They did this.
Simon's body is shaking, shoulders trembling with his sobs, while he holds Johnny close, and Johnny screams into his chest, he screams and he screams until there's nothing left inside of him, every second ticking by bringing him farther and farther away from a time in his life when you still existed, when you were still in this world with them. And he wants it to stop, he wants it to stop so fucking bad but it won't, and he can't make it, he can't do anything, except stand here and scream, scream and beg and plead an unknown entity who's never given him anything good except for you and Simon.
They never got to tell you they still love you.
They didn't even get to say goodbye.
Hours later, they sit in a room with an empty bed, side by side, while a nurse stands in front of them with a tiny, sleeping baby wrapped in a blanket.
"This is your daughter." She tells them. "Her name is Bee."
"Bee." Johnny whispers, and she nods.
"Would you like to hold her?"
"Yes." Johnny says, but the word sounds flat, and he feels numb. The nurse places little Bee in his arms, while Simon watches, unblinking from where he sits right next to him. "Bee." He says again, looking down at her, truly looking at her for the first time. She looks so much like you, more like you than either of them, and he can't stop the tears that fall freely, while Simon reaches over and hesitantly strokes her cheek with a knuckle.
"She's beautiful." Simon whispers hoarsely, voice coarse with tears, and Johnny agrees. Johnny tries to stifle a sob, desperate not to wake Bee while she sleeps, but Simon can't stop himself, and he covers his face with his hand to try to smother his cry. "She looks just like her." Simon chokes, and Johnny's arms shake around where Bee is cradled. He leans to the side, into Simon, who wraps his arm around him immediately, holding Johnny while he holds their daughter, your daughter. They cannot stop their tears, their hearts cracking wide open in both of their chests as they stay down her, their only piece left of you in this world, the only thing they have left to cling to.
"You look just like your mum, baby Bee."
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anton-luvr · 5 months
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hi!! love your works so i wanted to request a fic where y/n and her bf (riize member of your choice) of a few months are together and since it’s only a few months they are all sweet and cute, they didn’t really approach the idea of sex yet.. but he gets his first boner with y/n and at first it’s all awkward and shi but then it gets suggestive but they don’t go all the way yk because it’s their first approach to the topic. hope you understood the request and thank you in advance 😭💖
# CLOSER THAN EVER.
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𖦹 bf!anton x fem!reader | fluff & HEAVILY suggestive 𖦹 note ; this is so anton coded no one can tell me otherwise... thank u anon!! its my first writing something like this and honestly,, i feel like this kinda sucks lol but i hope u like it :')
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"Does this taste okay?"
Anton looks up from the bowl of ice cream he was holding to see you stretching a spoon of chocolate sauce towards him.
"It tastes kinda weird," you mumble, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But it's not expired yet."
Anton licks the sauce off the spoon, concentrating on its flavor.
"Okay, that's definitely weird." he agrees, wincing as he's met with a gross combination of sour and sweet. "We are not going to eat that."
Laughing at your boyfriend's reaction, you turn away to toss the bottle into the bin.
"Here, eat some ice cream." Anton suggests, getting a spoonful for you. "It takes the taste right out."
You hum happily around the spoon at the taste of the sweet icy treat, excited to eat more during your movie night later.
"I'm so glad we got vanilla flavor," you sighed. "It's so go-"
And all of a sudden, Anton's lips are on yours, cutting you off.
His warm tongue moves and licks against your cold lips, sending goosebumps all over your body at the sensation.
"Y-You had ice cream on your lips." Anton mumbles when he pulls away, face burning red.
You're blushing too, but you laugh, finding it adorable.
"Maybe just say you wanna kiss me next time, hm?" you tease, wrapping your arms around Anton's neck.
The ice cream is long forgotten when the both of you lock lips again, Anton's arms tight around your waist as he slowly backs you against the kitchen counter.
"You look so pretty today," he sighs, brushing your hair aside and leaning down to kiss your neck.
It blows your mind at how when you first met Anton, he had been a blushing stumbling mess. Always avoiding your eye contact, stuttering endlessly, and always turning crimson red at any form of physical contact.
But now here you were, eyelids fluttering shut in pleasure while his teeth grazes softly against your neck. He doesn't stop even while leading you to the sofa, letting out a soft grunt when you straddle him.
Now, with the both of you heading into the eighth month of your relationship, you've achieved your fair share of milestones.
Starting off with the basics like holding hands and cuddling, you were now at the stage of hot and heavy makeouts, but nothing past that.
And since neither of you had any experience, both of you agreed to take things slow.
"When we're both ready," Anton had said back then to you, lips prettily swollen and panting from your first makeout session.
You wonder where he stands on the matter now, when something snaps you out of your thoughts.
Anton had stopped his actions, his flushed and shy face buried in your chest instead. "W-What's wrong?" you ask, dazed and confused as you run your hands through his hair.
He doesn't say anything, merely shifting around a bit to let you feel it.
You gulp when you do, eyes widening at your boyfriend.
"Is that- Are you...?" you mumbled, flustered.
He burns in embarrassment as he nods, nervously biting his bottom lip. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to... do that, you just look so pretty today and you sounded so-"
It's your turn to cut him off for tonight, kissing him strongly on the lips.
"Don't apologize, it happens." you whisper.
"And... I can help you out if you want?" you offer, looking at him warily.
Anton's eyes widen at your question, and he manages to muster a small "Y-Yeah, please.", desperation heavy in his tone.
He's barely gotten the words out of his lips when you kiss him again, hips experimentally moving against his.
The curly haired boy lets out a loud whine at this, head falling back on the sofa, and you've gotten your green light.
Airy whimpers and moans slowly fill your living room as you continue, the pleasurable friction making Anton's head spin while you kiss each other messily and noisily.
Adrenaline courses through you while his hands feel you up, newfound pleasure burning like fire at wherever his fingertips touched.
"F-Feels so good," Anton pants, hiding his face in the crook of your neck.
He starts leaving hickeys again, the sharpness of his teeth and warmth of his tongue adding on to the pleasure. "Don't stop, please." he whines.
And so, you don't.
The movie becomes the last thing on your minds as you spend the rest of the night just like that; lips connected, hands exploring each other, repeated confessions of love, and hearts racing - closer than ever.
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© anton-luvr, 2023.
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