#what doesn't seem scary tho is hurting myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cogbreath · 3 months

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ngl even tho i had faith in both you and allah that whatever you had done would not be the end of you i WAS worried still so yeah like everyone else is saying i'm also rly glad that you're recovering. congrats on surviving life's bullshit yet again my friend. may the next one maybe be less painful tho bc that did/does not sound like a fun time

jazakallah khair ❤️

and i do wanna apologise for worrying you guys. we all do know that i didnt mean to but i do understand how even when we r aware of that, it can still hurt and be scary to see someone u care about end up in a situation like that and it can be confusing and frustrating cuz of the fact its so clearly not a good thing to do to oneself. but im rlly rlly thankful that despite all that you guys have it in your hearts to be so so gentle and kind to me which seriously means the world to me

im not entirely sure how bad my situation really was, because it's honestly difficult for me to remember how much i actually ended up drinking, my memory is rlly blurry about it but i do know that i did pass out for a while. i wasn't exactly worried at first that i felt that i needed to puke and legit was shocked when i started seeinf it turning red n shit. i wanfed to believe that somehow it was just something i ate that was also red but when i started tasting the taste of iron i Knew. because it seemed to be becoming more and more bloody i was like. "o fuck." i was still aware of ans believing in the resilience of the human body, reminding myself that people have literally survived getting hit with a particle beam in the head, but nonetheless it doesnt change the fact that vomiting blood is something associated with fatal outcomes. i guess honestly it really doesn't matter either way what the true severity of it was and i shouldn't trouble myself too much about trying to figure it out because no matter what, it was a dangerous and bad situation to be in. also im not detailing more now about what happened so as to be shocking or graphic but like i just want to be honest about it so i can help process it and help u guys have more clarity on what happened now that im not as delirious and panicked as i was when it all went down

i wasnt scared to die and honestly no matter what never will be because of the way my brain is wired about the concept of death, but what i was most scared of was that ppl i care about and that allah would be mad at me. so it helps a lot to have that affirmed that nobodys mad at me and nobody thinks that i'm stupid or had it coming

sorry if this is more than u expected as a response, but you guys are some of the only people i can feel comfortable being truly deeply honest with. i dont ever intend to trouble you with things that arent your job to manage and i dont intend to freak people out. but maybe thats not nice to assume thats what anyone is thinking. ily

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amberrskiies · 2 years

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What Amber Thinks of the Side Characters :

Idea taken from @kitsune-oji && @choccopom

Diavolo

He was technically the first ever demon I met face to face before the brothers! Honestly speaking, he scared me a little but he was actually pretty sweet and reminds me of a lost puppy or dog at least. He was pretty nice to let me go back to the human world for a bit before starting up my exchange program here cause I was on my way to submit something so yeah. I actually like his presence and I know he'll make a great King!

Did I mention he reminds me of a lost puppy?

Barbatos

Not gonna lie he scares me sometimes with his time powers and stuff! Also I think he has a torture room? I heard nothing pleasant happens there so yeah I am not gonna question him about it any further! I see him as very calm and collected and always gets the job done with no flaws but I think he too needs rest sometimes and a day off from work. Even Diavolo agrees with me on this. He's kinda like a father figure of sorts to me.

I wonder what made him scared of rats tho-

Simeon

He's an angel? It's pretty obvious on that since he's literally an Angel but he's actually a nice father/brother figure to Luke. Sadly, he doesn't know how to use Technology properly so I would have to help him out sometimes with Luke. He seems pretty happy and has a smile on his face which is probably brighter than the sun but he said I have a much brighter smile? Thanks Simeon you're very nice!

I never seen him mad but Diavolo said he's scary when mad? Now I am curious-

Luke

Baby boy!! I actually found him adorable and sweet. Though I don't get why some of the brothers call him a 'chihuahua'. I mean I know he doesn't like demons and doesn't like me being with them but I can assure him that they aren't bad as people say. We get along well and I help him bake stuff like cakes, cookies, cupcakes and anything he wants to try. He's like a little brother figure to me!

The fact that he's never going to admit that he loves Barbatos' presence is funny enough-

Solomon

Shady Mcshady? Honestly he's a grandpa at this rate. Though I am practically his apprentice and he's weirdly annoying and mysterious is something I am gonna have to get used to and the fact that I am talking to a man from the bible is cool enough. He can be annoying sometimes but I guess he's neat. Also yeah that's my nickname for him in case you're wondering!

I am honestly surprised that he had many wives but no children like not even one like how-??

Thirteen

Definition of me having a huge Gay Panic moment the minute I saw her. She's very pretty and nice to me! I honestly didn't think reapers like her existed! Though we're practically besties and she's pretty chill to hang out with as well. Definition of Girlboss and someone no person can mess with and I like that!

Stop saying she looks like a lizard-

Raphael

He looked like the type who was pretty quiet and I was like half right about it since he doesn't really show much enthusiasm or anything so I decided to tone myself down so I don't make him overwhelmed or anything. Simeon and Luke talks nice things about him so he's practically okay in my book. I don't know much about him but it doesn't hurt getting to know him more.

I thought he was mammon's twin for like a half a minute-

Mephistopheles

Another demon I don't know much about. But I remember that he was banned from the RAD's school Newspaper because he made the princess Diavolo stickers and whatnot. Kinda funny actually. he also doesn't like Lucifer from what he told me. Not a fan of angels either but he makes an exception for Luke so he's fine to me. Doesn't hurt getting to know him as well!

His hair color reminds me of an eggplant tbh-

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destinylightsup-2006 · 1 year

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A kind message for @innocent-angel-girl

Hey... I know I was just slightly too far over demons, but.. I understand you don't like demons in your beliefs, but that doesn't mean to make yourself changing the topic when people like you and I talk about our favourite characters.

You also liked Poppy Playtime as well too, which is also considered a horror game that's not so scary, but it's okay, people can have the different opinions whether we like or not.

Also.. as for my apology, I'm sorry for making you sad and feared that made you hurt your heart, I didn't even know what had come through you.

But at least we're still friends though, and no, you're not entirely bad. You just probably didn't realize what we're saying or how that made you insensitive to things that you didn't seem to learn from us what we like.

But I'm not angry or mad at you tho Rose, but I would shift away the sadness and fix myself to stay strong and brave, no matter what.

If you're seeing my message @innocent-angel-girl? Let's make ourselves a moment of understanding for each other to believe.

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brandnewhuman · 1 year

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no clue if youre open for requests or matchups but!! hey if possible can i get a matchup?

im 5'2/5'3, im whiter than white, i have like medium length (think ted from bill and ted) dark brown hair that i tried dying black but its just gone brown. i use he/him and im a gay trans man, i dont know if it matters but i dont plan on getting bottom surgery.

im quite social but consider myself an introvert, like im not afraid to complement someone but i do enjoy my time alone. im very loud with little voice/noise control when talking; especially when its something i enjoy. im autistic so i dont get sarcasm and find that i take things very personally. i love args and online horror, a huge fan of homestuck and i really like movies more than tv shows. im kinda really emotional bc i feel things really deeply so if im sad I'll probably cry or I'll be really mad abt little things. im extremely affectionate and at any chance i get i will hug/sit like shoulder to shoulder with someone. im really assertive with my thoughts and if i dont like or hate something, everyone will know. also into shoplifting.

i love halloween (the holiday) and if i ever got a house it would probably look halloweenish all year round.

im a hard bottom i dont think i could ever top tbh, really submissive, im into primal, biting, really into bondage, i love praise but praise and degrading at the same time is really cool.

I paired you up with...

♡Jesse Cromeans♡

Mr baldy man here is your man 100%. Mate compensates that shiny bowling ball with all his charm and love.

Initially I thought about giving you Asa but I feel like he's too mean. Jesse may seem mean but he's certainly not, he's just a very calm and collected person when interacting with others. He loves his time alone too and would actually appreciate you enjoy being by yourself sometimes cause with how much he travels it would be really difficult for him to be there for too long.

I've seen some many people being mean to others , autistic and not, who have your same type of excitement over things so be assured he would never do that to you. He loves to hear you rant about the things you like and he will remember little details that show you he was in fact listening the whole time. You will surely end up making him like more than one thing if you keep being so passionate about it

He would always be careful to choose his words wisely to prevent to hurt your feelings. Like he may not seem like it but he hates to be seen as mean by the people he loves, he would never want you to feel likes he's laughing at you ecc and if he accidentally does he will always say sorry as fast as you make him notice.

Good thing you love horror cause this man's job is basically all around it, and he would always ask you for opinions on how to make things more gory or scary. He wants your input and he values your ideas so much so don't be afraid to tell him!

He will never make you feel bad about your emotions, as i said he would rather say sorry than making you feel bad. He will always be there during bad times if you need him tho

Please this man would smother you in affection, everytime he gets the opportunity he's always showering you with love. His favourite displays of affection are having you sitting on his lap, holding hands and letting you play with his hands

He actually likes you're so straightforward with what you like and not and that you make sure other people knows about it cause it makes it so much easier for him to know what to do and what not around you instead of guessing and unknowingly making you mad

Bro would decorate the house as you like, he would never say no to you. Like he just hands you the money and tells you to go crazy with it, he doesn't even questions it. If you're happy then he is too, the rest doesn't matter

About the last part 👀👀 im just gonna say this, he really really likes you. Like perfect match for real broski

Hoped you liked it!! Im sorry for taking so long mate

Song recommendation for this matchup!

#slasher fandom #slasher community #slashers #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #horror movies #slasher headcanons #jesse cromeans #slashers x reader #slasher matchups

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bluethedream · 3 years

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#who would've thought debilitating anxiety would be the result of suppressing everything I feel for more than a year? certainly not me!#i am so anxious and stressed that even eating food seems like climbing mt everest #I can't do anything because everything seems horribly scary #like changing out of my pjs and into my day clothes #or getting off tumblr and getting on ao3 to read a fic #can you believe reading a 1k fic seems scary? i certainly can't.#tw // self harm #what doesn't seem scary tho is hurting myself #now that's the easiest thing possible #I don't need to change my clothes #I don't need to get out of bed #It doesn't need any mental energy #just some physical energy which I'm running out of cuz my arms are cramping up for reasons I have no idea about #also tomorrow is supposed to be a horrifically huge day in my life but I can't be bothered about it at all and I hate myself for that #sabi's words #tw // anxiety #tw // ed

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phersphantum · 3 years

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This is an ussop x male reader

This is my first time writing something like this so please take it easy on me but other then that please enjoy

Background info: - pronouns he/him -no devil fruit powers -you and usopp have been together for a couple months by now -you like to jump off of a lot of shit no matter how high sometimes you do get hurt but since you've been doing it for so long it doesn't faze you and doesn't hurt that much anymore

This will not be going in the same timeline or path as the anime/manga sorry kiddos

(S/t) skin tone (p/c) position on crew (y/n) your name (m/n) male name (h/c) hair color (h/t) hair type

Warnings: lil bit of angst

POV No one (author POV)

Y/n was chillin in the crows nest and then he realized that he never jumped off of it (he made it a point to jump off of everything in and on the sunny). Screaming "here I goooo" y/n jumped off onto the grassy portion of the Thousand Sunny. He tumbled and rolled as he hit the grass, then layed flat on his back. He sighed contently, but his head hurt a little and his was a bit dizzy too. Most of the straw hats (zoro was napping) ran towards the (s/t) boy frantically asking if he was ok. Luffy was the exception who went around screaming "SUGOI!" Even though y/n had been with the crew for sometime now, they couldn't seem to get used to the (h/c) boy jumping off of anything and everything he could. Poor Chopper-he had heart attacks every single time. He was always running after y/n with his little medical gear to make sure the poor boy wasn't on the verge of death.

Usopp POV

I ran up with the rest of the gang worried for my boyfriend. I got irritated with Luffy, because he just kept screaming "SUGOIIII!!! ✨✨✨" I ignored him and tried to get to y/n to see if he was ok but everyone crowded around him. They pushed me out of the circle and talked over me. I was so over it, so I yelled louder then I have ever before, "COULD YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP!?! GOD I JUST WANT TO SEE IF MY DUMB BOYFRIEND IS OK!!!" The rest of the gang moved out of the way shocked at my tone. I stomp up to y/n and he smiles and waves and says "Hiiiii babyyyyy" in a kind of loopy voice. "How are you dummy?" I ask. "My head hurts some and I'm kinda dizzy" he replies. I sigh, then start talking softly "ok well bubba let's take you to choppers room and he can fix you up. Then we can spend the rest of the night cuddling. How's that sound?" Y/n tried to get up but I stopped him with my hand, and he says "yessirrrr".

Nobody POV

Usopp then proceeds scoop up y/n and take him to Choppers room, Chopper follows them.

Time skip (brought to you by Sanji's one eyebrow

After Chopper gave y/n a diagnosis Usopp took him back to their shared room. Usopp then layed y/n down in bed and straddled him pouting (it ain't goin that way ya nasties 😤). Y/n looked at Usopp confused, "what's wrong my little sharpshooter?" Usopp blushed but still pouted, "You have a fucking concussion! Why? Cause your dumb ass decided to jump off the crows nest like a fuckin dare devil!" Y/n started to get a little upset, "ITS NOT LIKE I'M FUCKING DEAD! I'M STILL ALIVE AREN'T I?!" Usopp finally let his anger out, "YOU COULD BE DEAD!! YOU'RE NOT LIKE LUFFY OR ZORO OR SANJI!! THOSE GUYS ARE SUPER CRAZY POWERFUL MONSTERS!! THERE'S ONLY ONE OF YOU! WHAT IF ONE TIME IT'S WORSE THEN A CONCUSSION" Y/n felt insulted that Usopp had tried to compare his strength to those three. He screamed, "FUCK YOU I MAY NOT BE AS STRONG, BUT I CAN HELP AND DO THINGS THEY CANT!! I CAN HANDLE MYSELF!! DON'T THROW YOUR INSECURITIES ON ME-JUST CAUSE YOU'RE WEAK DOESN'T MEAN I AM!"..."I GET IT... I know, I'm weak. I know that when it comes down to it I can't even protect you... I mean look at you... you're hurt and I can't even help... I can't do anything to make sure you're ok y/n..." Usopp had tears in his eyes. As he turned away to get up y/n grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a hug. "Whatcha talking bout silly? You've saved me so many times with your amazing sniper skills. I'm sorry about the insecurities thing, I lashed out, and that wasn't ok. But remember no matter what, you'll always be my Sogeking" y/n gave a warm smile. Usopp smiled back "I'm sorry for yelling at you. Just don't scare me like that anymore please?" Y/n nodded "got it boss" Usopp kissed y/n's cheek. "Now my lovely first mate, as per the doctors orders-you need to stay in bed." Y/n laughed "nahhh I'm fineeee". Usopp shakes his head, "if you don't I'll tell Nami and Chopper and they'll give you more then a concussion" Y/n sweat dropped "jeez Sogeking is scary sometimes".

This was pretty fun to make ngl it's not edited yet but my editor will be editing soon tho I bet she probably won't be too happy cause I can't spell for shit lmao 😂 so until then I apologize for anyone reading this rn but until next timeeeee byeeee

My editor killed me for how bad this was but here it edited

#ussop #one piece x male reader #god ussop #ussop x male reader #one piece #x male reader

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healpeony · 3 years

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Not the man I love

Eren Yeager x reader

Warnings; brief mention of lost of virginity, angst, profanity, mentions of deaths.

I used she/her pronouns for the reader, feel free to imagine them as your own!

Gif not mine.

This wasn't the man she loved, this man standing behind bars in front of her was a monster, a cruel monster who killed innocent people, who killed children.

“What happened to you Eren?” she asked her voice void of the emotions she was feeling

Her question was met with silence which made her anger grow more, he wasn't even looking at her in the eye instead choosing to look at the wall.

“Eren, Answer me! How could you do it? Knowing that there was children, innocent lives who had a all future coming their way!” she yell, her fist hardening on her sides

Once again he was silent, and this only made her blood boil.

“The Eren I know would've never done that!, the one I gave myself to, the one who complained about not being my first kiss, the one who was focused on killing all titans, wanting us to be free from the walls-”

She was interrupted by Eren finally speaking “I'm still the same, I believe in freedom” he said calmly which only added fuel to the fire

He finally let himself make eye contact with her, and she could see how the bright and vibrant turquoise eyes turned into a dull color expressing no emotion. It was now that she could see how broken he was and that made her feel bad for him, his eyes along with his muscular features made him seem scary.

“Just because you still believe in freedom, doesn't mean that you're the same!” she said and even tho she wanted to say it more calmly, it came out harsh

“You're right, now I have the courage to tell you how pathetic you are. Look at you wanting me to be with you and the others so bad, I have always thought of you as useless, if it wasn't for me you would have been dead by now” even tho his words hurt, she didn't want to show how much it affected her even tho he knew it did, but he didn't stop there “You are a coward, always lurking in the shadows having someone always save you. I don't even know how anyone likes you, or maybe they just pretend just like me when I said I had feelings for you.” he walked closer to the bars and was now standing infront of her

His harsh words made her eyes water, but she hold the tears back not wanting to show any weakness infront of this version of the man she loves.

“Eren.. you don't mean that” she said trying to convince herself more than him, shaking her head to look down at the floor

“I mean every word I said, why don't you just fuck off and stop whining you annoying brat” Eren said looking at her with disgusts when she lifted her gaze back up

“I thought you were different you know, I thought I was going to marry you, have kids and a farm but I guess you just showed your true colors, eh Eren?” y/n said holding back sobs as tears were going down her cheeks

“Nobody told you that your little family fantasy was gonna come true” he said dismissive

“I guess you're right, it was nice t-to talk to you” her voice broke a little and she turned around ready to leave

When she grabbed the door knob ready to close the door and probably not see Eren again she turned around and said “You're absolutely not the man I love” before proceeding to close the door

After hearing her footsteps and sobs fade, Eren hit the bars and let out a few sobs of his own “I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry my love”

Hello!, You're free to reblog and like this if you enjoyed. Also thank you so much for the likes on my last post!

Sorry for the mistakes!, This was sad to write tbh.

#aot x reader #aot oneshots #eren yeager #shingeki no kyoujin #shingeki no kyoujin headcannon #eren yeager x reader #eren aot #eren angst #snk anime #aot angst #Eren mentions of virginity loss #aot manga #anime

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bossbitch444 · 3 years

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DO I WANNA KNOW? / K. NJ

"crawlin' back to you.. ever thought of callin' when you've had a few? cause I always do."

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-Namjoon X Female Reader

-obsessed ex-bf!Namjoon , cheating!reader

-betrayal, oral sex, fingering, bondage and discipline, sadomasochism (BDSM)

-smut!angst!sexual abuse!kidnapped

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"I gotta go. You guys have fun." you smiled at your workmates as you head over your car. One of your bosses managed to have some gathering since one of the huge projects was successful and you are the team leader. However, you have other plans. You want to celebrate this moment with your loving boyfriend, Min Yoongi.

Your relationship with Yoongi did not start in a good way, it is quiet forbidden since you are with his best friend Kim Namjoon before. Namjoon brought you to their party and you accidentally bumped into Yoongi and things gone well between you and him. You understand each other, having the same hobbies and interests, it seems like you are each other's soulmate. Namjoon on the other hand, you fell out of love and out of pity, you stayed with him but secretly dating his bestfriend. After getting caught by Namjoon, you came to him and told him face to face that you don't love him anymore. It hurts to see the person that you love for almost 3 years cry and beg for you to not leave him. What could you do? You cannot betray and disregard what you really feel towards Yoongi. You're complete with him.

"Baby, where are you? I've been waiting for an hour!" Yoongi whines over the phone, you chuckled, this boy is sure as hell so dramatic. "Yoongi, it's just 5 minutes stop being so dramatic. I'm on my way." You smiled as you rummage into your bag to find the keys before giving each other I love you's and hang up. You planned on having a dinner date with Yoongi since it's been a while when you both went outside because work has been so hectic, Yoongi being the best producer that he is and you working your ass off in this goddamn office.

You are about to open the door of your car when someone covered your mouth and nose with a handkerchief that have a strong scent knocking the shit out of you. The man behind you looked around the parking lot, making sure that no one was around as he opened the door of your car and pushed your unconscious body inside. He smiled to himself as he knew that everything is going according to his plans.

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You woke up at a warm sensation lingering into your core. Is this Yoongi? Yoongi likes to eat you out tho. You tried to stretch your arms out but failed as you noticed that you are tied up. Hanging on the ceiling, your body was wrapped with a rope.

Where the fuck are you? This isn't Yoongi. Your thoughts have been interrupted at a sudden pressure on your clit together with a finger being inserted on your core.

Namjoon.

This is Namjoon. Namjoon is the only man that you slept with aside from Yoongi. Namjoon is into BDSM and the way the ropes have been tied into you is Namjoon's signature move. Namjoon loves foreplay and loves to torture you and not letting you come, that's the way he is. On the other hand, Yoongi is very straightforward and if you gave him a head, he'll give you one too. It's a give and take relationship for Yoongi and he isn't into things like this because he is lazy af.

You moan at the sudden pressure on your clit. Namjoon smirked as he stood up and pull out his long and thick shaft before slipping it into your wet folds. The sudden pleasure rushed into your system making you flinch. You don't want this. You wanna go home, Yoongi must be waiting for you. "Stop. Please..." you whispered but Namjoon still heard it. He stopped as he fix his pants and went over your head. "Stop?" He asked as he is now in front of your face, his brown orbs looking straight into yours, it is full of sadness yet full of lust. "You want me to stop?" You nodded, unable to speak. Namjoon is scary when he is mad.

"Babe... I've been waiting for you to call me back. I-i've been waiting for you to be back..." His voice was filled with longingness and it hurts you like hell. You loved Namjoon, you loved him more than anything but sometimes loving someone isn't just enough. He made mistakes and so do you. A tear escaped Namjoon's eye as he caressed your hair, the hair that he loves to play with whenever you are laying on his lap while watching movies. "N-namjoon, let me go..." That's the only thing you can say. Desperateness was lacing through your voice making Namjoon mad. His aura changed, his eyes darkened as he gripped you hair hard. You flinch in pain, letting out a small yelp.

"Let you go? Then what? Be happy with Yoongi? Fuck. You." He whispered angrily, his lips was so closed on your cheek as you let out a lone tear and Namjoon licked it smirking at the salty taste of the tear you shed. Namjoon stood up as he pulled the ropes off of you but he did not remove the ones tied in your hands. You were a crying mess, you did not know that Namjoon can do this to you.

Namjoon threw you on the bed as your face landed on the soft pillow covered in his scent. "Namjoon... stop... please." You begged as Namjoon removed his clothes one by one until he is fully naked right behind you. "You want this right? You fucked my bestfriend, Y/N. Why? My dick ain't good enough? Guess what bitch? You're gonna get some of this tonight." He laughs as he roughly entered you from behind. The tight feeling of your cunt made Namjoon moan and you writhing in pain. You aren't lubricated enough, making it hard for you to take him. Namjoon thrusted hard hitting your spot and making you cry in pain. This isn't Namjoon. This isn't the man you loved and you're afraid you're the reason behind this.

Namjoon feels so ecstatic. He have been watching you from afar for a long time, making him the obsessed ex boyfriend that he already is. Yoongi isn't good for you. He knows that. He believed that you are the only one for him and as he is for you, making you the perfect couple just like before. You are his soulmate, his life, and his source of happiness and seeing you happy in the arms of someone else made him wanna go kill somebody for stealing what's his. He thrusted hard as he pulled your hair, your back pressed against his chest, his lips finding its way on yours. You cried and cried making him horny even more.

"Stop... Namjoon please..." You silently plead as he shoot his load inside of you. He slumped back beside you and looked at you who is hugging yourself, away from him. Namjoon tried to reach for you but you flinch and moved away from him.

Shit.

This doesn't go both ways?

He fucked up.

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Happiest Birthday to the man who taught me that it's okay to be myself and of course that I should love myself more than anything or anyone in this world.

Thank you for being my standard in men (lol) and for being such a great person. I am very grateful for your existence and I am hoping for the best in your life. God knows how much I love you and I will do everything not to disappoint you.

I love you mahal ko.

#bts army #bts scenarios #bts stuff #bts x reader #bts smuts oneshot #bts one shot #btssmut #bts namjoon #bts rm imagine #bts smut #bts au

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outrunningthedark · 3 years

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I wanna join your fight in pointing out how Shannon's behavior will have left deep scars on Christopher but it still hits too close to home. My mother didn't even leave, and she even broke down once trying to apologize to me (tho I still haven't been able to fully forgive her, I just can't trust her, I am not strong enough to bride that gap on my end) so like I can't even imagine what it's like for Christopher but dear God, I wish my father was anything like Eddie because all my father did when he was confronted was confirm that he thought everything he did was right - even though, he has more than once made fun of my self harm scars, and called me crazy, while using a spinning hand gesture by his head(I have mental disorders).

So like, yeah, Eddie has fucking learned and is there for his son, while Shannon just gave up, like Buck's parents did on him. It doesn't matter the reason, it doesn't matter that they were overwhelmed. It doesn't matter that my parents were war refugees, when a child needs their parent, especially when the whole world is built against the child's needs, and they're not there... That's a pain, a scar, that can seldom fully heal

Hello, my dear. 💕 The fact that you felt comfortable sharing your story with me lets me know I'm doing the right thing by exposing my own "horror stories". We need to know we're not alone in our fight for survival. I was raised and am still "cared for" by both of my parents, but neither one was or is anything like Eddie. My mother (as most of you know) was not confident in my ability to be independent when I was growing up, and even now will make comments about me not having the skills to help myself. Unless physical and occupational therapists told her to change her ways, or taught me something themselves (tying shoes was a big one!), she did what she believed was "best for her daughter", and that usually meant retaining control over my every move, because at least she would know I was *protected*. (I genuinely think my sister's death played a part in my mother keeping me sheltered whenever possible. It was her way of KNOWING I was safe - as long as I was always with my mom, or "letting" her make decisions, the world couldn't hurt me.) My father... he's not a bad guy. He gave me slightly more freedom when my mother wasn't around - if she was at work on a Saturday and I wanted to go to a friend's house on a whim he'd let me. And he'd even let me go for "walks" with them alone (ofc by "walks" I mean they'd push my chair down the sidewalk, lol). But, for the most part, he agreed with whatever choices she made because doing otherwise would trigger an outburst from her. I was born in a different decade than Christopher (Gavin), so how my parents handled my CP two/three decades ago is a lot different than how parents of kids with CP today deal with it. Research is more complex, new "treatments" are discovered - you can't cure CP, but the things I went through in my adolescence aren't necessarily a doctor's first choice nowadays. I didn't have sit downs with my mother or father where they explained my disability, where they told me I should never stop trying new things no matter how scary it seemed. They still don't have a grasp on what ableism is, if you want the truth, so I've never heard one of them genuinely apologize for mistreating me due to my limitations (unlike Eddie, who is quick to admit when he fucks up). All this is to say that people who want to play the "Eddie left, too!" card in defense of Shannon fail to understand the importance of him CHOOSING to stay even AFTER his wife decided it was her turn to go. He could have read that note and thought, "I'm still not ready to face Christopher's CP. I gotta get out of here." Instead, he realized his son needed him more than ever and took on three jobs just to pay the bills, and also to make sure Christopher had clothes to wear, food to eat, and a bed to sleep in. Everyone who follows me/reads my posts knows how much the "I actually like Shannon" conversation irks me. Yeah, yeah, it's a tv show, and maybe you don't have a disability so you can't relate to the pain. Or maybe you DO have a disability, but you lucked out and were born to parents who did not look at your condition as a burden. (I've heard that before.) I'm sorry, but when I look at Shannon, I see nothing redeemable in her character. Even before she passed, she told Eddie "I'm still learning how to be someone's mother." She had NO CLUE if she'd ever get her shit together. Let's not twist her words into something else just to make her more likable. She doesn't even NEED to be likable. Mothers leave their children everyday IRL, disabled or not. We don't fuck with them, do we? Why are we "defending" or "stanning" a fictional character who left her child, when really we should be grown enough to say "as sad as this may be, it's good that such a sensitive topic is being addressed"? Y'all will support domestic violence storylines (hello, Maddie stans!), internalized homophobia/homophobic families (Eddie stans hoping for that religious guilt to come through), but the mother abandoning her disabled son is where the problem lies? Hmmm. Alright. I wonder why that might be?

#anonymous #tv: 911 #tv: 9-1-1 #christopher diaz #eddie diaz #anti shannon diaz

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shinisbestboy · 3 years

Text

was bored so I thought I'd try writing again since I liked it so much the first time :)

contains joemaru because there is not enough of them online

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a lazy weekend afternoon.. Joe was at his house, playing video games and relaxing as he ignores all the homework he knew Sara will kill him for later. he ate a slice of reheated pizza from.. last night? a few days ago? didn't really matter, he wasn't letting a good piece of pizza go to waste! he was quite engrossed in his game of Zombie Slayers V3 (return of the Chad plague) that he didn't notice his phone ringing.. it vibrated loudly, Joe needed to pause his game so he could pick it up

"Y'ello? your boy Joe here" he started, as he was a creature of habit. the voice on the other side didn't pay it much mind "Joe I need to talk to you about something" it was the familiar sound of Sara.. she seemed a little stressed from what Joe could tell so he decided to take it more semi-seriously "what's up? you decide to confess your undying love for me yet?" he chuckled.. he sure had a loose definition of 'semi-serious'.. lightening up the mood couldn't hurt tho

Sara huffed, Joe imagined her blushing pouty expression and it made him smile.. Sara always looked her best when all flustered "not that!! ugh, no this is important! do you remember that guy I was telling you about at school? the new transfer boy with the white hair?" Sara explained, Joe tilted his head back as he tried to remember "you mean that Ranmaru guy? kinda looks like a dandelion up top?" he asked "yes that's him! we were talking on the phone and he totally asked me out! like he called it a date and everything! I didn't know what to say, I mean I barely know the guy so I wanted to say no but I panicked! now I have a date *tonight* and I seriously don't know how to tell him I'm not interested!" Sara spoke very quickly, definitely needing to get this situation off her chest.

Joe needed a moment to process the words but this was regular panicky Sara.. he could decipher what she said easily. he hummed "so you need a wingman, huh? then I gotcha Sara! I'm a total love expert, you two will be communicating so hard that he'll forget all about the whole silly date!" Joe chuckled, not earning one in return "don't make me regret this.. just meet me at my place in 20 minutes" Sara sighed as she quickly ended the call. Joe stood up from his seat, pizza forgotten and the game saved, finally something exciting to do! I mean he loved video games but there are only so many hours you can handle killing zombies

after getting dressed and packing his bookbag of the dating essentials, he took his bike and quickly made his way to Sara's house down the road. it didn't take long before he parked his bike on the side of the house and went to the main entrance. Sara was obviously there waiting for him, she let him in so they could go up to her room. poor Sara was a mess.. she wasn't so good at the whole high school romance thing, it's a good thing she had her good old pal Joe! "so.. what's the plan? we getting you all pretty'd up to break his heart or we ditching together?" Joe broke the silence as Sara didn't seem to know where to start "I mean.. I don't want to be cruel! maybe.. when he shows up, pretend to be my dad? or just tell him I'm sick in bed! or uh.. make something up, anything will do! I just can't do it myself!" Sara seemed defeated already, usually problems always had a solution with her but this was way out of her comfort zone, Joe understood how she felt

"if that's all it is, then I can do that no problem! seriously, you don't gotta worry about a thing, your good pal Joe is on the case!" he confidently puffed out his chest, this did not give Sara as much confidence as he intended but it didn't matter. a loud ring of the doorbell could be heard throughout the whole house, Joe hummed "wow.. he certainly got here fast.. time to work my charm!" they both got up tho Joe was the one brave enough to venture down the stairs.. Sara was safe from her hiding spot with a view to make sure Joe doesn't royally mess this up

Joe opened the door to be face to face with the shorter fluffy male, he looked not very well prepared.. he probably rushed to get here just like Joe did.. he looked much nicer in more casual clothes tho compared to the school uniform Joe would see at school. Joe smiled "hey! you're Ranmaru from school, aren't cha? I heard so much about you! I'm Joe" he happily introduced himself, taking the nervous boy's hand and happily shaking it. Ranmaru was a little shaken as he hadn't prepared to see anyone but Sara at the door.. this wasn't what he was expecting at all "o-oh um, yeah that's me" he didn't quite know what else to say to that.. I mean he didn't think anyone really knew his name anyway, he shook himself out of his spout of nervousness tho as he had a mission right now. taking his hand back, Ranmaru tried to stand a bit taller "is Sara here? or do I.. have the wrong house..?" he asked, he chuckled awkwardly.. he would feel very embarrassed if he was bothering a random person right now! he was already nervous enough for this date..

"Sara? oh yeah, she uh.. she's super sick right now! barfin' her guts out, not fun at all. she wanted to say no but she's just too polite, you know?" Joe wasn't the best at lying but by Ranmaru's concerned expression.. it looks like it worked easily "oh no! I had no idea! oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to put any pressure on her like that! I just have these movie tickets, but if she's not free then that's totally fine I don't mind" Ranmaru quickly backpedaled, panicking as he realized he may have been too quick to think it'd be that easy. it was weird since Sara didn't sound very sick.. but he definitely had no right to doubt anything, that'd just be nosy and all

unfortunately Joe's interest was perked "ooh wait, movie you say? what kind of movie was it?" he asked, he knew it might be a little salt on the wound to talk about since Sara wasn't going but his curiosity got the better of him. Ranmaru didn't expect any sort of interest from Joe.. but he took the folded-up ticket from his pocket to double-check "it was just the new Zombie Slayer 4.0 movie, Karen vs Chad Jr.. or something like that. I got these tickets for free so probably not the best--" Ranmaru was cut off by an excited Joe "woah wait, you were going to take Sara on a date like that?? she's way not into the zombie slayer series, I have tried getting her into it! trust me on this one, it wouldn't have ended nicely" he chuckled, Sara, unfortunately, was not the cute 'oh no this is scary, I will cling up to the closest person.. she was more of an 'I brought my katana for this very reason' and the tv is covered in sword cracks because of it.. Joe couldn't imagine seeing that happen in a movie theater, tho it would be a funny sight

Ranmaru sighed "I see.. dodged a bullet there then, heh.." he tried to sound optimistic but this wasn't looking good at all.. I mean first, he hears Sara is sick and now the date he was all mentally prepared for was probably going to flop anyway? a great boost for his ego.. he's glad he avoided the worst-case scenarios but he still wished it could have gone better "well.. I don't want to keep bothering you.." the sheep mumbled as he stood back, ready to call it quits. Joe stopped him "oh wait if you've got two tickets then can I come? I mean don't wanna let them go to waste, right?" it was worth a shot, if Sara wasn't going to take a date with the cute boy then Joe will just have to do it for her! plus he seemed like a nice guy, might as well get to know him, right?

Ranmaru was definitely caught off guard by this "huh?? you want to watch a movie with me?" he blushed, the soft pink on his cheeks was very visible on his pale skin.. Joe thought it was cute "yeah of course! zombie slayers is definitely a best friends movie, you know? come on let's go!" Joe closed the door behind him with a smile.. leaving Sara unable to keep seeing what was happening. "well, what are you waiting for?" Joe asked the dumbfounded male, who was definitely speechless by the sudden change of plans but after a moment he thought maybe this wasn't so bad "nothing.. I'm ready to go" he nodded, catching up to Joe as they left on their "date"

((ooc// I will probably write the rest in a part 2 cause this is already getting so long, tysm for reading, and don't be afraid to send me asks <3))

#joe tazuna #ranmaru kageyama #joe tazuna x kageyama #joemaru #yttd joe #yttd kin blog #yttd #your turn to die #implied sara x joe #its only friendly flirting tho #implied sara x ranmaru #sara chidouin #fanfiction #drabble #yttd writing #yttd fanfiction

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crabbycola · 2 years

Text

a dream i had with sergei the man

is just that but im to shy to put myself so im gonna put a self insert i had years ago

warning: some swearing because i cant shut me and a long pasta making scene

✿♡♡♡♡✿

I can't think, i can't see, the only thing i can do is run even tho nothing is catching me more than the heavy backpacks on my bags with all my stuff.

I just run out of home in the middle of the night, not to smart knowing all the dangers im putting myself in, a literally 16s year old kid that hate being home and preffer just being out.

My mind is clouded with all these thoughts right now and slowly reduce the speed of my legs to start thinking better, god, this was a bad idea, where do i even go? Should i go to a friend house? But is to far away and don't have money for the bus and i left my phone in the house.

God, oh god, of fuck, i don't wanna sleep out and i don't know, get slayed or something, why i take all these bad idea-

- Ough!... - I fall on my butt, shit that hurt to much, i just look to my front and see a big man getting up slowly and cleaning his gown, god, he was scary, all those scars in the face, maybe he gets in fights or something? look i know i should'nt judge people by the appearence but it was night and no one in the street i had the right.

- Oh man, im so so sorry! -

I tried to get up by my own until i saw a hand get offered to me by the man, doubtedly i grabed it and impulsed myself to get up.

- Thanks man...uh...i-i have to go -

He grabed me by the shoulder stopping me, i just freezed in my place.

Fuck my time has come.

- What are you doing at this hours?... -

He talked, oh fuck, that's deep man, he have a really heavy accent too, was he from other place? Im not expert but all the time i was in Omegle made me know he's at least european.

- Uh...Um...t-that doesn't have to interest you! I don't know you... -

- You at least have a place to go? -

Okey he got me there, tecnically i have my house but i will not freaking gonna go there again, i just kinda responded with my silence and he looked at me with a relaxed face acompained with a sigh, pointing with his eyes and tilting his head tona department at our side, im not stupid to not know what he was offering me.

Look, is he a stranger? Yes. But i dont wanna sleep on the street and at least theres other people on the place if i need anything.

- Uh...okey, thank you so much -

He nooded and took all my bags, god is been a while since i felt this light, why did i even bringed all that shit? And at the same time, fuck he's strong.

With all this thinking i didn't noticed we alredy was entering in the room and i was here standing like a fucking idiot and he was looking at me saying nothing.

I just went in fastly awkardly, the lil rooms seems cold but calm, i guess it fits with the modern decoration. He lefted his heavy coat and my bags in the little sofa of the living room, there was a lot of papers in the center table, he may be a busy person, mostly because he sitted amd started looking and writting in them.

Is to silent here, he's silent, he just said to me like two sentences and thats all, now that i think i didnt asked his name in all this time.

- Dude, what's your name? ya know, i entered your place and dont even know you -

I kinda losted the fear alredy, he didn't did anything sus for the moment and im just here laying in this lil sofa.

- Sergei -

- Huh, so you are from other place no? Thats sick man -

Sergei just looked at me waiting for something, oh, yeah my name.

- Uhh i dont like saying my name on this moments -

He just nooded his head and continued workin, meanwhile i just tried to do a little talking, he's very serious and a bit scary man but i could pull out some smirks of him, that feel good as fuck not gonna lie.

All this was interrupted by the sound of my stomach, oh yeah, i didn't eated dinner and i was starving really hard. Big man just looked at me raising a eyebrow.

- No dinner man, you have anything? I can help! -

We both got up to the kitchen and we searched through all of it just to find some tomato sauce sachet, sausages, butter and a full spaguetti packet, we just looked each other, spaguetti will be.

I taked care of the pasta, i putted a liter of water in a cooking pot, putting some more ingredients like some sunflower oil and salt to make the pasta taste better, waited it to get hot and putted the pasta in, now is time to wait 10 minutes.

Sergei was doing the sauce, cutting the sausages in not so fine slices to then seal them in the pan until they are of a dark pink color to then put all the satchet on top of the sausages, mixing them together.

- Yo you should put some condiments to that! I think i saw some condiment in some part...wait a min- here! -

Pulled out some garlic powder, grated cheese and oregano, it could go great with the sauce.

- We ain't gonna eat some bland ass pasta, put some of stuff in it man! -

He giggled to then put a spoon of garlic, crushed some oregano and cheese to then stir, later looked at the pot with a smirk.

The sound of the water hitting the fire under it alarmed me and like a lighting i taked out the pot, burning myself a bit and making the fire get smaller.

- Fuck! -

It hurted a lot grab some hot ass metal pot, i panicked okey? Sergei got some ice and putted it on my hands.

- Are you okey kid? -

Even tho the ice was cold as fuck, i felt a little warm on my chest, it felt great be...uhhhh...loved? Not exactly the word, i guess that cared? Yeah that, cared, so warm that someone got a eye on you.

- Yeah, thank you so much man -

When the pain faded away we continued with the food, i checked the pasta if it was great, so i throwed one to the wall, making a mini slapping sound and getting sticked on it, Sergei released a hearable chuckle at the scene of a pasta on the wall, he should do that more often.

All was cooked alredy, we slapped some butter on the pasta and mixed all together.

Fuck we were chefs, master chef we are coming for you.

With the food served the two of us sitted on the dinner table, i didn't sitted in a place like this in a long time, i usually eated in my room, for some reason thinking about it made this moment more special and...warmer, the whole house felt much more cozy than before, felt like a home even tho i was here for like 3 hours.

The dinner was delicious, all was on point, i was so excited that i couldnt stop moving my legs from under the table, we talked a bit, well i did in all the dinner, it was entertaining all that moment until some time after the sleep kicked in hard.

- Uhh...Im turning sleepy, where can i maybe sleep? -

Sergei got up putting the dishes and forks on the dishwasher and guide me to his room, it had only one bed.

- Wait we will sleep together? -

That felt a bit weird until he pulled from under the bed a mini bed, wait those are actually something? huh, how curious.

- Oh...now that's something -

I throwed myself with clothes and all to the mini bed, i was dead from all this day and in the moment my head touched the pillow i was falling asslep.

- Goodnight dude -

A small silence ocurred

- Goodnight kid -

Ten minutes passed and he checked on me to then start changing to his pijamas, i couldn't see him but hear him, for some reason i giggled.

- Sleep, young one -

He said in a ordering way but a relaxing ordering one, almost like...i just laughted

- Yes yes, whatever you say dad -

...is to weird to actually liked calling him dad? Because he felt like one in these 3 hours...is sad i have to leave tomorrow tho, i will miss him in a way.

#HIIII I JUST DREAMED I HAVE SERGEI DAD #sergei dragunov #oneshot #tekken #im a idiot lol #i detailed a lot to save all i could #come for sergei #stay for the pasta

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

All of this is crap, feel free to delete , please !!

I have been feeling low, for almost 7 months now, past few month have been very overwhelming for me. I don't know what phase is this but it is getting bit much to handle.

I didn't had much things that gave me happiness but now those things have stopped making me feel good, like I love(d) chocolates , every fibre of my body crave(d) for it and whenever I ate one I used to feel content, it was my comfort food (?) but recently it doesnot make me feel like that anymore. And this same happened with few other things , I found myself thinking about it and this made me sad. I don't know what it means and I don't think I even want to but this sometimes scares me , i don't know why but it does.

There are certain things that i never knew i paid attention to and even remembered that were said to me . I didn't knew recalling them would hurt me even tho they didn't affected me the time they were said or maybe the case is they did but i just repressed the thoughts and feelings. Maybe hearing same things time to time took a permanent place in my brain that can never be abandoned, then the recurring process of flash of memories from beginning to end make it worse.

I 've been from a long time being told to look after my weight and skin. Everytime I meet some close relative even before having a proper greet the first thing I am made aware about is either my weight or how the acne on my face is looking. Like now it has become so normal that everytime someone comments I just say ,"its been happening for a long time" and they too know about it. I do get affected by them saying things but what affects me most is when this thing is pointed out by my family . Yesterday i was laying on bed and my mother came into room and looked at me and said in the best nicest possible way that "why one day your face seems clear and why next day there are so many pimples and spots and whatever". My dad always points this out by saying that please take care of your skin/face i want my daughter to look the most beautiful. I know they want best for me but they 've been saying this for almost half the years of my life i've lived so far ( i am almost 20) . Still i wait for that day when they'll say you are perfect the way you are , you don't need to change. But I know it won't happen ever. Only if they knew how much it hurts everytime someone points it out, how much I curse my existence at that very moment, how much insecure and worthless and inferior I feel within seconds of time, how much urge I feel to just run away from all this. I know they want good for me but why they feel that being flawless is good. It hurts , sometimes too much.

I have never been one of those who could express things easily , I find it too damn hard to say what I want what i feel .Though I try sometimes but not too hard just a bit because whenever and to whomsoever I tried to even show bare minimum of something either its been talked over or the other person is not able to understand or the other person can't do anything except nod in agreement or I start to feel so anxious that I myself drift away from topic or ...... And I don't blame anyone for this , how can I when I am the one who doesn't try, I just can't. I don't know what keeps me from saying things outloud but something does.

*deep sigh* :/

THANK YOU for reading and SORRY for wasting your time.

Hello, my love.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

I just want to start with something simple - I'm ready to beat the shit out of people who have been ignorant and unkind towards you. So, just keep that in mind.

Alright now.

You remind me a little of Alec, you know? You say you can't express things easily and here you are coherently and patiently explaining something that is troubling you. I see you, little Alec!

If you are having trouble talking to those around you, that's okay. Sometimes it's not that we don't know how to say things, but we get more worried about what would happen if those words leave our mouth. So, we don't talk. We pretend like we don't know how to. Or we tell ourselves that we don't have to. You talk when you feel like it. You express your feelings when you feel ready. There is no rush.

Acne doesn't make a person not beautiful. Gaining weight doesn't make someone not pretty. The funny thing it is very common for women to experience both - especially when they are stressed. So, if someone is making you feel bad about experiencing something like acne and putting on weight, then they are just stupid. They don't understand biology.

A side note that acne and weight gain (along with some other symptoms) are often connected to hormonal imbalances. This is why we notice girls feeling bloated or having pimples when they get their period. It's natural. It's science. There are many women who experience conditions such as POCS which leads to such symptoms too. If there is a medical issue, taking medication does help. If this is something you want to learn more about and understand better, I'm happy to take you through it since it's something I focus on at work.

Every time you remember something someone said about you that wasn't kind just tell yourself their opinion doesn't matter. Because that's all it is. It's just an opinion - one that you didn't even ask for.

As for the chocolate....Sometimes chocolate can increase acne and as we know sweets can contribute to weight gain. Perhaps one of the reasons you don't want to eat it anymore is because somewhere in your mind you believe that you shouldn't eat it anymore.

But fuck that. If it is something that makes you happy, then you are allowed to enjoy it. It's alright if you can't get back to enjoying chocolate right now. You can get there slowly. Until that, find yourself another comfort good. There is so much yummy stuff out there.

Just remember that you are so much more than what other people tell you - cause they don't see everything. They only see what they want to see. They see what they think is important. That is not who you are. Never let them tell you who you are.

Unless it's a doctor, no one is allowed to tell you what you should eat. Unless it's Magnus Bane, no one is allowed to tell you what you should look like or what you should do with your life.

If your parents don't appreciate you for who you are, that says more about them than it does about you. it's something they need to work on. You will find things to be happy about again. You will find things that will make you feel good. We can start trying by diverting your attention a little towards those and less towards those judgemental relatives (who once again I am happy to beat up <3 )

Start small. You could consider doing one thing - just one tiny thing - that makes you feel good every day. Just one thing. And we'll take it from there.

Also, you say you are not trying. You don't want to try. But here you are talking to me about how you feel. You are trying. And I think that's fucking amazing.

You know what I realised after the pandemic? Life is really too fucking short and unpredictable. So, letting judgmental adults and some acne determine who we are and how we should feel is a little scary. Fuck the relatives. Fuck the acne.

You do you.

All my love,

Dani x.

#this is not advice just a rant back ;)

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one-spidey-boii · 4 years

Text

BUMMER SUMMER || peter parker; ch. two

read chapter one here

masterlist

an; welcome back y’all. thank you to all who have read so far, even tho it’s only chapter two. i’d love to hear your feedback! enjoy!

**italics indicates flashback**

warnings; mentions of battle wounds (i.e. blood/scars/etc), future smut, mature language, fluff, angst, both peter and oc are 18+!!

word count; 2.2k+

edie's pov

so that's spiderman? seems like a fun guy, i think as i walk through the dark alleyways so i don’t draw unwanted attention to myself. it's late and i'm navigating my way home, still thinking about my run-in with the red and blue clad boy. it's easy to tell he's young by the sound of his voice, leading me to believe he’s twenty at most. that doesn't bother me of course, as i too am considered young for a crime-fighting vigilante.

i turn the last corner before reaching my street and sigh with relief at the sight of my apartment building. the light in my window is off, aiding in the illusion that i'm asleep so my mom doesn't come in while i'm away on my semi-nightly adventures. just before i can touch the brick stones of my building as i pass by, a mechanical swoosh comes down and picks me up off the ground. i let out a small yelp and quickly find myself placed on the roof.

"hey, wolfie." mr. stark says as he walks out of his iron man suit. i let out the breath i was holding and turn around to face him. i offer him a small smile and take my hood down.

"mr. stark, hello, sir."

"school's almost out, right?" before i can answer, he keeps talking, "good. i'm gonna need your help with something."

i wipe away the beads of sweat running down my forehead as i bend down to pick up my throwing knives from the concrete ground. i steady myself and focus on the tattered piece of cardboard nailed to the wall that is my makeshift target. with a small grunt, i fling one towards the center of the red dot, hitting it dead on. i continue this activity until i run out of things to throw and my arms feel like jelly. i lost count of how many times i'd hit the center of the target in a row.

stepping back with a satisfied smirk, i collect my knives, shoving them back into their rightful place in my bag or around my waist and turn on my heel to head home. i manage to take two steps before a voice stops me in my tracks.

"hey, don't walk away now, kid, the next one would have been fifty." my eyes widen at the familiar voice that often appears on my living room television. i slowly move to face the man and gulp, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, not being able to say a word.

"come on, one more. show me what you got." says tony stark, with a loose smile on his face.

without a word, i force my trembling hands to grab my favorite knife from my right boot and brace myself for a throw. my breathing is shaky as i raise my right arm and inhale along with it. i can feel the sweat running down my back as i close my eyes for a moment. don't embarrass yourself, e, i think to myself. with that i snap my eyes open and silently chuck the knife towards the target.

i missed.

"oh for fuck's sake." i groan into my hands before i remember who i'm with and freeze. i keep my head in my hands, making sure to cover my face, only gathering enough courage to peek at tony stark through my fingers.

"well, that's awkward, i won't lie," he says, looking uncomfortable, "but i think i saw what i needed to see beforehand. i'm tony stark, or iron man if you wanna get fancy." he reaches a hand out in my direction.

"edie wolfe, hi." i reply with a defeated and lame handshake. to save both of us from looming silence, he pulls at my hoodie before continuing on, "okay, ms. wolfe." he pauses to inspect my attire, "what is this? leggings? and a hoodie? kid, if you're gonna be throwing knives, you gotta expect people to throw them back at you. this isn't going to cut it." he motions to the thin fabric covering my arms and chest.

i laugh at his words, "oh hey i see what you did there."

not catching on to his own pun, he moves on again, "what? actually never mind, we have a lot of talking to do, wolfie."

ever since that night, he took me under his wing- and a week later i got a package with a brand new suit in it. one that would protect me a whole lot more than what i was working with before.

"earth to wolfie, beep beep boop," mr. stark says as he pokes me in the forehead. i swat his hand away and give him my full attention. he continues on, "so you're in? a summer at the compound, being scary and keeping bad guys away?"

i raise an eyebrow at him, "what makes you think my family will be okay with that?" i ask. mr. stark simply rolls his eyes, "i already talked to your father, need i show you the proof?" i shake my head and he nods with satisfaction.

"okay, kid. see you in a few days." he says, preparing to get back into his suit, but before he can fly away i stop him, a question looming over my head, "am i doing this alone?"

"of course not. i wouldn't leave you alon- well actually i can't leave him alone so that's why you're gonna be there," he explains with a shake of his head.

"and who exactly is this person?" i ask with my arms crossed.

"how about one friendly neighborhood spiderman!" he yells and takes off before i can say anything back.

finally, the last day of school was upon us. it seems that the ending of every school year is bittersweet, and to be honest it hasn't quite hit me yet. senior year was way lamer than everyone played it off to be. you're told that you're officially ‘top dog', but let's be real- no real credit is given until you've graduated. but hey, here's to making it this far.

i'm sitting at my usual lunch table, surrounded by peter, ned, and mj. we pass jokes around the group and take in every moment we have left of our time together, yanno, since peter is leaving. but so am i. which is something i still have to share with everyone.

"uh, hey, guys. can i be a debby downer for a moment?" i ask, clearing my throat and disturbing the light mood of the afternoon. the table quiets down and all eyes are on me. "so you know how peter is leaving this summer?" i ruffle peter's hair in an attempt to not make that statement so sad.

"yeah, edie, we know." mj says with an eye roll as she picks at her cold french fries. i roll my eyes back at her and mock her voice. i can't help but notice peter's guilty face sitting next to me, little does he know i am going to make it a whole lot more weird up in here.

i take in a big breath and hold it to up the anticipation, "well it looks like i'll be gone too."

ned drops his chicken wrap and shakes his head furiously, "nuh uh, nope. no way. sorry, e, i can't allow that to happen," he says with a stern voice. peter chooses this moment to negatively highlight my new confession, "edie, how dare you! someone needs to be here to look after the kids."

i lower my head in shame, god this was so hard to do. faking a playful smile, i try to make light of the situation, "hey, c'mon, we all know mj is the mom friend of the group."

mj shakes her head violently and protests against my statement, "absolutely not. i veto that with all of my being, ned is the mom." she insists as she points to the pouting boy. we all laugh at that before falling into an uncomfortable silence. i glance in peter's direction and try to smile at him. doing this to him was the hardest, i tell him everything and knowing full well that i can't tell anyone about my stay at the compound, it just hurts my heart. we won't be able to communicate all summer.

"my mom signed me up to be a camp counselor...at, uh, a self-defense camp." i panic at the last second, realizing i never thought about what kind of camp i would fictitiously be a part of. the whole table bursts out into laughter.

through short breaths and a hearty laugh, ned pokes fun at me, "edie? teaching children how to kick someone's ass? look at you, you're like a soft pillowy little marshmallow." i stick my tongue out at him and cross my arms.

"hey, i wouldn't shut down the idea too fast, remember e's dad is like, an actual fbi agent. i'm sure he's taught her some stuff," peter chimes in, coming to my rescue. i nod along and hum a 'mhm', snickering inside at how much they don't know.

once i'm home, i pack my suitcase with all the things i think one would need to stay at a high tech superhero compound. i grab all of my knives and shove them into a utility pack, along with my suit.

my parents know where i'm going, and lucky for me they’re okay with it. well, at least my dad is.

my father, sam wolfe, works for a hidden branch of the fbi that trains government spies and the occasional assassin. thus being the reason i grew to be so good at combat. he would take me onto the roof of our building and have me shoot at targets and hit punching bags. we would practice for hours at a time, his booming voice critiquing my every move and decision as i worked. i've never been comfortable with a gun, so i stuck with knives and made that my craft.

i haven't seen my dad in a few months now. to 'protect' me and my family, we weren't allowed to know where my dad was going or why he had to leave in the first place. once mr. stark came into my life, he and my father became close, putting his trust in mr. stark to watch out for me whenever he was gone.

my mother on the other hand, she hates everything about it. she’s afraid of the world and all the things that lurk behind closed doors. when dad isn't around, we aren't allowed to talk about anything related to knives or fighting or tony stark. and for my nine-year-old brother's sake, i oblige.

pulling my bag onto my shoulder and lugging my suitcase through the hall, i meet my mother and brother in the living room. she meets my eyes with her cloudy ones and closes the distance between us with a strong hug. i chuckle at her before wrapping my arms around her plump frame.

"mom, it's okay-" i start, before she cuts me off, "shhh, edie. let me have this moment."

i shut up and continue to embrace my mom. i know this is hard for her, but she needs to understand that this is an amazing opportunity for me. i'm being put in charge of the avengers compound for the entire summer. i wish i could share this excitement with my dad, but i know he's happy for me, wherever he may be.

"edie, promise me you'll come home if you can't handle it. no one is going to judge you for that. you're only eighteen. i can't believe your father is letting you do this." my mother rambles as she pulls away from me. i smile at her and just nod my head.

my little brother looks over in our direction with a shy smile on his face. i ruffle his hair and pull him to me for a quick hug, "take care of mom for me, booger." i whisper into his ear. he gives me a simple nod and backs away.

my phone buzzes in my pocket. i pull it out to see a message from mr. stark.

'beep beep, i'm here'

i sigh and look up at my mom one last time, "that's my ride." she lets a single tear stroll down her cheek before wiping it away and shooing me out the door.

once out of the apartment, i lug my suitcase down the three flights of stairs and out onto the sidewalk. mr. stark is pulled up to the curb in his fancy black car. he rolls down the passenger side window and yells at me through it, "time to party, wolfie."

i stroll to the car and pull the back door open to throw my stuff down. then i hop into the front seat and look at mr. stark, "you know, you could have come in."

"yeah, well we all know your mother doesn't like me very much. i don't wanna poke the bear," he says as he pulls his sunglasses over his eyes and revs the engine, "let's get you to your new home for the next three months, shall we?"

|| taglist; @my-patronus-is-mabel-pines

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shiro-0197 · 3 years

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AHH it's okay the important thing is that you got your rest!! I'm glad you're okay now tho xD

oh my gosh YES 😭💖 I'd love that. There's just something special about the ice cream there, I swear—

Yes it was very very nice. Gordon was as cute as ever, and it was nice just hanging out with my friends on the first day of the new year.

oh I'm not sure what the fashion ones are for (probably yes, to make people look hotter grrr) but I have a few sports ones because they help with my grip, like cycling and tennis. It protects the palms, I guess, haha.

No I understand. Your school probably has different branches in other cities. Mine doesn't but I know some that do, so don't worry I'm not confused 😝😝

ahhh I'm sorry xD we use the term freely here, kinda like what you call your best friend, but okay twins with an age gap, that's cute. You're right, you two are pretty similar, at least from what I've seen. I have Aaron, who's very similar to me, so I can understand how you regard Kuro haha. But yes, it's always nice to relate to someone and have them with you. I've said this tons of times, but you guys are truly lucky to have each other.

thank you :) I hope so too. It's just something I have to work on, I suppose. But I'm really good at hiding my emotions, to the point where my friends don't know what I feel at all (besides happiness), and that's pretty scary honestly, because I wish I could be more transparent about it. Oh off topic again, but yeah just wanted to put that out there xD

I'm sure she considers you a huge help to her, and it's plain to see that you love her very much, so I hope things get easier for her!!

oh please don't worry about that at all, I completely understand! When I said that, I hope it didn't come out as me asking or anything (it was never my intention 😣😣)— I just meant that I didn't even need to know, because I still think you're cute and attractive all the same :)) and I already have a rough idea from what you've told me, so don't worry about creating an artbreeder :P (tho I've seen a bunch of anime characters on artbreeder and they're so pretty. I might just use it myself to make Oikawa or the Miya twins on it 😭😭💖)

Oh I see that's so cool!! You're mixed too :)) and yeah, it'd be so nice meeting people from other cultures as well >.< It's a shame, but that's okay! I'm sure one day, you'll be able to travel wherever you want, and bring your mom along too :))

I hope so too !! Fingers crossed, it might be the start of a beautiful new friendship ;)

aw that sounds so cute!! I'm so envious of people who have dreams, I rarely have them and it's so nice to indulge in them when you're asleep, and remember them when you wake !! do you have dreams often? And ahhh good good !! Glad they didn't lie about it or anything smh -_- I'm happy you enjoyed it :) and that's okay I'm weird too, we'll be weird together 😚💖

Intelligence is hot— 😭. And I'll probably start rambling about the history of firecrackers because I'm a show-off too (did you know they originated from China? 😍)

😃🔫 It ended an hour and a half late. I was too tired to watch anything :(( but that's okay I'll watch it tonight!! I hope you're enjoying your day. I love you more.

—ɐuɐᴉɹɐ🙃

Ahhh so sorry for late response!! I had to go out and I left my phone because it was out of battery😭😭

Ohh, does it? I hope they have melon ice cream😝

Aww that makes me so happy??!? I hope your next hey year goes like this, too!! I'm glad you had a great time

Ohh, right, I forgot about those xD yeah, I guess it's slippery when your hands are sweaty so gloves are useful. I really have no knowledge in sports clothes😭😭

Alright alright, glad you know!! Tbh I really hoep I can visit his school as a graduate one day:D

We really are😩 it's really awesome to have someone who's like you. It's like you're talking to yourself, but people won't find you weird because you're actually talking to another person. Though their answers are actually unpredictable, but that's good😋 I'm really glad you have Aaron. He seem like a great lil guy^^

I see what you mean, to be honest I'm like that too when I really dont feel well. It's really nice that you're trying to change that for yourself! Dont worry about getting offtopic, I do so as well hehe

Me too!! I really hope so

No no no no dont worry, Kuro had the idea when he saw the trend. He knew I didnt like taking pics even though I'm not really insecure about myself, so he proposed making one so I can share. Because i want people to see that I'm pretty😡 snjrjwjdjsnfjw

About that, he likes to send me the ugliest pics from Artbreeder and says "this is you" because he thinks hes funny ( ok he is but 😭😭)

He sent me this bad boy saying it's me and to be honest I think I'm never going on that forsaken website ever

Btw good luck with making the guys!!! Tbh I barely know how to use it and usually I get pictures like ^that one so uh it's painful really xD

I sure will!! And I will kidnap Kuro and his mom and we will go to Norway and eat cheeseburgers👍 and meet you of course hehe

Well, I do have dreams! Pretty often too, though they're nothing much? Usually I'm just there, watering plants or eating fresh pastry (which hurts when I wake up because turns out I dont actually have any)

Exactly!! Also that's great to hear, so just two weirdos chilling😋

True true, if someone says something smart with a smart look on their face trust me I'm already in love and planning our marriage😭 heheh, let's be show offs together I guess💕💕 also, I'd say I didn't but i think i subconsciously knew (is that a thing ??) about that because of Kung Fu Panda 2 XD

Awhh😭😭 well, I hope you slept well and have the energy to watch it today!! I did enjoy my day, it was pretty cool, I got a spicy&juicy hot dog and a coffee (which was fake as hell and sucked ass) during my adventure 😝 I hope yours went fun as well! I missed you, love you lots💞💞💕

#Ari💕

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