#what can i say i'm awful

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[snackugaki]

surprise my other hobbies are window shopping and fashion

#something something having hobbies across fields genres media and subjects can only enrich and influence your artmaking #because Mikey strikes me as a maximalist #Donnie gives me vintage and statement pieces feelings #Leo... minimalist with a sprinkling of avant silhouettes and a dash of retro #Raph... just wears what April suggests with the barest idea of what he likes #wherein my iteration April is deep in the goth an punk scene so she gotta drag this turtle man through her closet #legoclacking my usual linework with fashion illustration was a fkkn trip #god there's a look from Balmain RTW AW 2016 i wanna put my Leo in..... #fuck it I will who's gonna stop me? #balmain? #i'm so curious what the kids will tag this as #i say tagging everything but what this is #snack iteration? #my iteration? #i know the red blue glasses is gonna get one of these kids tagging it as rise #others gonna clock their li'l dumpling heads and tag as 03 #what they don't know is my iteration is mainly based off Archie run comics and Next Mutation #mehehehehehehehehe #...hiiiiiiiii kiiiiiiiiiing #OuO #accessories was tough because I like it costume and avant #so it was a miracle finding a “normal” bracelet #and a bigger miracle it happened to feature the water trigram #mwah mwah beautiful coincidence #weekend negates demon hours stop snitching

[kyouka-supremacy]

Okay about Beast sskk; because I realized I've got a very definite picture of what the Beast post-canon is like that is only in my mind and I never actually put down, so here we go. Very needed content warning of sickeningly fluff and Beast sskk being disgustingly in love with each other, I suppose.

After Dazai killed himself, Atsushi is reasonably tormented, and can't sleep at night. Roaming across Yokohama late at night, he always ends up at Akutagawa's– instinctively, unconsciously, to an extent even unwillingly. He doesn't choose to, it's more about countless nights unable to sleep spent wandering with no destination and still always finding himself in front of Akutagawa's place for some reason. Akutagawa somehow always knowing when it's going to happen so that he can face him before Atsushi has time to hesitate and run away. How they don't really need words or explanations most of the time, how for Atsushi knowing that there's another person who understands is enough, and everything he needs. How before Atsushi realizes it (and thus keeping him from trying and prevent it), Akutagawa's house has become the only place where he can fall asleep.

That's how they start living together before even being together. They might not even have an actual “getting together” moment, you know? The development of their relationship is so natural and spontaneous, it was meant to end that way from the beginning. Besides, Beast sskk don't really need words between them, so... I suppose an actual confession, albeit nice, would be almost superfluous.

Soon enough they move together to a small apartment near the ada (I'm assuming Atsushi has still enough money saved from his old job). Against popular belief, with time it kind of crystallized in me the idea that Atsushi wouldn't join the ada? His life to that point has constantly been doused by violence and pain and death, he deserves a long break to cope with all the trauma; throwing him right back to another environment where he's constantly pushed to fight and use his ability would not do any good to his mental health; especially when he's got such a conflictual and hating relationship with Byakko, even worse than it is in canon. I wasn't kidding about the house husband thing. Beast Atsushi stays home and chills down and is safe and away from all major sources of stress and triggering environments. Slowly, with time, he goes out more often, gradually relearns what normality is supposed to be like, and bit by bit all his traumatic experiences get more distant, and the nightmares more rare. Akutagawa follows up with his ada job– obviously! There's a whole deal in the end about how important it is for him to keep doing his job and trying to be good. I do believe the ada is the right place for Akutagawa. He returns home to Atsushi who always welcomes him with warmth and joy, and they cuddle a lot.

But I also believe that there would be times when Atsushi is required to go back to action and fight– he's not a member of the ada and he doesn't work for them, but it's obvious that when the ada is in danger and Yokohama is facing serious threats, the guild and the rats and ultimately the doa, the times will call for his intervention. He usually comes to help or rescue Akutagawa, a trump card of sorts. And it's endearing, how Akutagawa is always the one, even among the ada, most contrary on getting Atsushi involved, how he wants to protect him and keep him away, how more than anything he wants him to be safe. As for Atsushi, I really like the concept of this man who retired from action, that spends most of his time at home or chatting with the seniors in the neighborhood, who joins the fight only when the situation is most desperate and reveals himself to be the most powerful and destructive beast to have ever walked on earth. He reluctantly fights, and together with Akutagawa they end up saving the day for everyone, because as Dazai himself said nothing can stop the both of them together.

On the other hand, when the world isn't ending Atsushi solves that very specific role of crime drama protagonist's husband who's very supportive of their partner and listens to them ramble at home about their cases. He often offers useful insights on how criminal organizations work.

Atsushi didn't replace his collar after it broke. They're barely visible under his turtleneck, but he has now wrapped bandages in its place: to hide his scars, to keep the memory of Dazai with him everywhere he goes, to remember what he's lost but also what he's gained.

Ah, and when it comes to the fight against Fukuchi, Atsushi is the one to die for Akutagawa, of course.

Headcanons that directly contradict something stated above but that I still like:

Sskk get together after six months– it's got an ironic taste to it, the timestamp their canon counterparts set to kill each other now being the time they declared their love to each other. It's so soon, but also is it really? They immediately clicked the moment they met each other, and they were always destined to be. At that point, there's no one in the world they need more than they need each other.

In case of Atsushi still wearing the collar for some time after the canon events: sskk had their first kiss when Atsushi took the collar off for the first time. Ever since Dazai died, Atsushi is haunted and unstable; he's throughout scared of taking off the collar, terrified by the idea of hurting someone unintentionally, now that Dazai can't be there to controll him (both through his ability and by the general power he used to have over Atsushi's psyche). Akutagawa sees how much Atsushi is physically hurting, and insists on him taking the collar off; they fight over it for months (verbally, for the most part, except for a couple of times when the fights become physical– but without abilities), before Akutagawa finally manages to convince Atsushi to take it off for a few hours. When they're alone, because after months of being persuaded, Atsushi can trust Akutagawa to be able to defend himself; and also something about “you would never hurt me”. Thing is, when Atsushi finally takes it off, he quickly spirals into a HUGE panic attack, not able to trust himself not to harm the people he cares about; and the only person around is Akutagawa, and he cares about him deeply. The tiger is taking over, and Akutagawa is panicking, and he's desperately looking for a way to quickly ground Atsushi so he just. Kisses him. Which effectively works in the way it immediately distracts Atsushi, as well as causes him to zone out for several minutes. Akutagawa immediately apologizes, and then panics again when Atsushi doesn't answer for a while. It's kinda cute. After that, Atsushi gradually learns to take his collar off more and more often; this time, he can really trust that, if Akutagawa is with him, everything is going to be okay.

#This might as well be the sappiest thing I've ever put down but like. idk did I make it go through that Beast sskk are meant to be #atsushi nakajima #ryūnosuke akutagawa #sskk #shin soukoku #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd beast #mine #15/08/23 #This is ridiculous I never realized how soft I made them until I actually wrote it down. #It's so silly when I'm also the first one ready to make canon sskk suffer #What can I say. They've suffered enough. #“The bandages are barely visible under his turtleneck” I mean that's for when he wears his turtleneck– #and not Akutagawa's striped shirt as he does at home. Which is an awful amount of times but nobody needs to know that. #I'd say this is self-indulgent but it's not like I'm doing it on purpose this is seriously what Beast sskk is like in my mind. #Nothing much I can do about it. That's the realistic Beast outcome for me. #If the author wants to prove me wrong by dropping Beast 2 they're more than welcome but untill then *this* is my canon #kbcu (Kyotag Beast Cinematic Universe)

[bottombaron]

there is no way that Guillermo’s pussy wouldn’t drive Nandor absolutely mad with power

#wwdits #nandermo #nandor #guillermo de la cruz #what we do in the shadows #i have so many thoughts about how Guillermo makes Nandor feel powerful #(not in a sadistic power trip way tho) #the full force of someone as strong and beautiful and awe-inspiring as Guillermo choosing to bless Nandor with adoration #a man so used to being worshiped and yeT #you can see it in his eyes #how absolutely terrified of how powerful Guillermo makes him feel #with simple things like a soft smile and kind eyes #like how a former addict looks at drugs #and i find it so compelling that Nandor comes from power and conquering and yet he's like #fucking Guillermo would be like using the One Ring #Guillermo would casually say that he's upset Bravo cancelled a show and the next day the entire hq had been destroyed like a nuke hit it #like i'm srs guys i have five different long posts in my drafts abt how powerful Guillermo makes Nandor feel #(and how pussy-whipped Nandor would be if Guillermo ever gave it to him 😉) #but i can't process my feelings abt that rn so you get this

[reinabeestudio]

Shares some quick studies of my wife when no one's looking

#undertale yellow #ut yellow #uty #starlo uty #uty starlo #fan art #my art #so many fucking tags help 💥 #this dude's head shape is a mystery to me. like i know it's a star but the thing is that i cant draw stars 0(-( #nor hats actually. this design is very yomielphobic /j #kinda man that says Aw shucks. guy that says Oh heavens #i have Many Thoughts about this silly sheriff. please talk to me i am Normal (<- real) (<- LIES SHE'S LYING RUN) #me vs the world (drawin starlo a bit wider bc he's still a farmer and not a twink /lh) #i've seen some people give him a tail tho... thats so darn cute.... #he's kind. he values & protects whats important to him. he's cute as well. he can sing. he's a dork. he can sew?? I'm buyin a ring right NO

[immunetoneurotoxin]

“Not a soul assigned to their case at the Bureau could make sense of their existence. There wasn’t a single scientist, parapsychologist, doctor, or specialist with over a dozen PHD’s under the sun that could figure them out. Pyrokinesis in a human? They defy every law of nature, yet they exist amongst humanity regardless. How do you explain that?” “The truth is that there are a lot of unknown things out there in the world that mankind hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of. Everyone flocked to this case trying to find rational answers, but there aren’t any. Look at the files in your hands. By the eyes of science, Pyro should not exist. Don’t you know what happens to things mankind doesn’t understand? The Bureau has done sickening things to them in the name of research.” “That’s why I helped them escape, Conagher.”

Excerpt from the novel INCENDIARY; A TF2 Pyro origin story Read the latest chapter of 'Incendiary' on AO3 here! Artwork created by the incredible @narklos ♡ 

#tf2 #tf2 pyro #if you're reading this hello!! I'm the author of this story! #I was basically struck with an idea one day... what if I created a whole pyro origin story with deep world building and original characters #7 years later here I am :) #the pyro origin story nobody asked for but is getting anyways! #while it is on track to be a origin-type novel it is also still very much a self-indulgent fanfic #I still have a long ways to go before this fic is done but this is by far one of the most ambitious projects Ive ever done for any fandom #and I hope you all love it too <3 #also CAN I JUST SAY #NARKLOS IS A GOD #I gave him a vision and he just blew my fucking mind away with the final product that I'm still in awe about this #Narklos if you're reading this ILY and I can't wait to work with you again <3 #also I should mention that the excerpt IS in the story but in a future chapter that isn’t out yet #but it was fitting for this post :)

[missmungoe]

If you have a moment, you should go check out TricksterMelon on Twitter :) I hope you like it <3

I am speechless

#I saw your comment on AO3 and YOU!! YOU'RE THE ANON WHO COMMISSIONED A COVER FOR SIREN'S CALL THAT TIME #YOU'RE LIKE A MASKED ZORRO SWEEPING INTO MY LIFE WITH THESE INCREDIBLE GIFTS #I...I don't even know what to say #I'm still trying to wrap my head around that you got me this #and for THIS FIC which is so dear to me #and WHAT A BREATHTAKING COVER!!!!! #THE COLOURS #THE *KISS* #THE NAVY FLEET AND THE CANNONBALLS FLYING IN THE BACKGROUND #and SHANKS AND MAKINO #I know this is for Long Live but honestly this could be the cover of Shanties as a whole #it's just...perfect #this is seriously one of THE most beautiful artworks I've ever received #I don't have Twitter but can you or someone please tell the artist how much I love this??? #TricksterMelon if you see this I am in AWE #oh my god I need to learn bookbinding so that I can PUT THIS ON THE ACTUAL COVER OF THIS FIC #I am so incredibly touched by this anon THANK YOU SO MUCH<3<3<3 #Shanks x Makino #otp: sing me sea shanties #this made me so happy I...am just going to sit here and feel for a bit<3 #Shanties art

[lesbianshepard]

girl help redditors have discovered the concept of reclaiming a slur but think that it means that they can just call random people faggots without any nuance

#m #196 #is such a shithole #like it's always been awful when it comes to trans stuff #where they pretend that they're supportive of trans people #and then just post GIRLCOCK GIRLCOCK GIRLCOCK CAN YOU POST GIRLCOCK I SAW YOU POST ON TRANS SUBS POST YOUR COCK #but it's very annoying that the new thing is #'i'm going to call you a faggot. if you're upset then you're a pearl clutching regressive' #i have unironically seen the take 'straight people can say faggot it helps with reclaimation' #like WHAT #also they've done a census SEVERAL TIMES #and 'straight cis man aged circa 20' has ALWAYS been the biggest demographic

[starsundertheceiling]

I’m probably a little late to the party (heh) but there’s something I’ve noticed concerning color theory and Max, and Max in general

When she is introduced to us as MADMAX, her situation with Billy makes her feel lonely and angry. She’s wearing red clothes (with a white stripe!) and her hair is down (letting her rage roam free).

In here, she’s clearly annoyed. She’s just left Billy’s car, Mr. Clarke made her stand before the class and named her Maxine when she just wanted to melt into the background and get over her first day at an unfamiliar school, still not thrilled about having to move from California.

Still, she’s zipped down, since those people didn’t do anything especially hurtful towards her and maybe she’s a little hopeful about them. 

When she’s mad after an interaction with Billy she’s wearing red:

Darker red! She’s at school where she won’t have to deal with Billy for a while. She’s cooling like lava but there’s still one streak of the anger in the back of her head.

When the boys approach her, her zip-up sweatshirt is unzipped to show some of the color underneath. She’s happy! She will not let her guard down completely but she won’t hiss at them immediately! Still, she’s ready for disappointment and snapping right back to being fully red.

Yellow is not a lighter shade of red, but it’s definitely close on the color wheel. Closer to white, too! She is showing she’s not only mad, there also is softness inside her! It’s still a shade connected to red (anger) but yellow by itself is more of a happiness color. She wants to make friends but is still scared because of the new environment and Billy.

In the car with Billy (the scene where he wants to run over the party), the entire scene is shot in a way that’s barely letting us see her clothes. It’s mostly covered by hair, too, but we can see it’s still at least a little unzipped as there’s a bit of the yellow collar visible.

In the scene, she’s defending Hawkins saying, that it’s not that bad and that she can’t see any cows (yellow). She’s scared of Billy, so she’s trying to cover up her sympathy towards Hawkins and towards the boys (with red and her hair, Billy saw her get out of the car with the sweatshirt zipped up and hair down, now she’s covering her softness with what is familiar to Billy, so that he doesn’t see anything has changed, notice that softness and hurt her. That’s exactly what she does when she says she doesn’t know the boys trying to protect them from getting ran over).

Yellow! Fully yellow :) She’s happy to be shown weird pollywog-like creatures with the rest of the Party!

Right after Will gets possessed, her question as to what “true sight” means gets brushed off by all of the boys. She’s hurt and feels excluded, but her hurt makes her angry again. Next time we see her, she’s all red again.

“Party members only! This is non-negotiable.”

“I thought you guys wanted me in your Party!”

At the arcade! She’s already acclimated to Hawkins, and the arcade is her favorite place. 

Alright, I’m getting tired and my third eye is slowly closing, so I’m going to wrap this up quickly, since I think I presented what the gist of the idea is.

In season 3, yellow, patterns, colors! She is now fully a member of the party! She has friends, she knows the secrets, El is back. This is the happiest she’s been.

Clothes are important in both of the girl’s characters! (El changes from murky colors to vivid patterns when she finds herself and there’s a post about El shedding layers of blue in season 4. I’d link it but can’t find it, I’m sorry!) There being a scene like this, with them fooling around with their clothes is basically the peak of happiness :)

Here Max gets really worried because of Billy. She’s feeling a bit guilty ‘cause that’s her step-brother that’s sowing chaos and hurting her friends. El is straining herself. The situation is looking BAD. Blue!

Beginning of season 4

Blue - she’s grieving and feeling guilty, Black coat - she’s hiding herself in a shell. She’s not particularly hiding her grief but she can close off at any moment.

(Btw Lucas is also wearing a blue shirt with some coats. I’d say he is sad because Max dumped him and doesn’t want to tell him things but the coats have a couple of colors because he’s hiding away his nerdiness in order to be cool :) 

Now, the overcoat is blue with yellow elements - Max is being honest about her grief. She’s targeted by Vecna, the Hawkins gang knows she is SAD. It’s her last day, she can unfurl. The sweatshirt is unzipped and showing red and white underneath, the same colors we’ve seen her wear when we first met her. The girl that slammed the door of Billy’s car. The one that was scared of him. That girl is still inside Max. 

Sometimes, she’s wearing this. Grief covered up with brownish-reddish... Red. She’s going back to her previous self, she is talking to Lucas again and he SEES her... But to get that shade of red you go more towards black on the color wheel. She’s not that vivid, fiery red anymore. There are bits of that girl deep inside her, but she’s too tired to make it her entire self. She’s tired. 

#idk if this makes sense #i did not do research befor this i literally got this idea while changing clothes #and it works for the most part #maybe a bit delusional here and there #but i choose to choose being chill and just in awe of the costume department #i am also pretty sure you beautiful people have decoded this long ago #since the color theory makes a big part of the show #either way i love max #if she doesn't wear the prettiest colors in s5 then why should i live to see it #i hope SHE will be able to see it though #although blind max is beautiful; she doesn't deserve it :( #max mayfield #stranger things #lumax #elumax #elmax #not really color theory because i don't know the color theory :) literally just vibes #aaand i'm not gonna reread what i've written cuz i'm tired. hope it makes any sense. #but you're smart too so you can probably get the gist of what i was trying to say

[lazy-toad]

I think a lot about w.bg and time travel introduced as a way to save people. Mike puts himself through the woe.begone challenges because it could save Matt. The compound is developing time travel for use in medicine. Characters are regularly quite brutally killed only to be brought back later in one piece.

From a glance death does not seem to matter much thanks to time travel technology. And yet. Hunter's mom is brought back still sick and Michael tried for an entire year to save Edgar only for it to be entirely unsuccessful.

You can stop someone from getting into a car that's going to crash later that day but you can't travel back in time to ask someone's body very nicely to not suddenly, inexplicably give up on them. You have the potential to save yourself and your loved ones from death and yet you can never truly escape it no matter how many loopholes you find to put it off.

#worded this weird i just think there's something in only being able to save some people #it's also almost midnight but i think about this often #I'm a sucker for tragedy and awful things happening to fictional characters what can i say #woe.begone #w.bg

[svtskneecaps]

oh also also, baghera getting increasingly french at the end of the timer was so fucking funny and i love her so much, like when her and phil fought and phil killed her and her accent thickened until she abandoned words and made french noises CHEF'S KISS reminds me of when she played outlast w cellbit slime and jaiden and got progressively more french as the night wore on, genuinely had a blast hearing her progressively dropping more and more swears in french

also reminds me of something i THINK i remember, think it was her who said during brazil she kept accidentally speaking french to people because of how close she felt to them

#qsmp #baghera jones #debated on making this post bc i wasn't sure if people would think i was making fun? i'm not trying to; to be clear #it's something i've noticed w baghera in particular and really really love #(personally i trend to a southern drawl; i am not from the american south) #i genuinely really like it #idk if your first language is french and you think this is disrespectful i'll delete it just say the word #mine is english so idk how shitty we can be :( i know we can be awful #((tbh i usually kick Myself if i can't understand an accent bc i'm the damn native speaker i should be good at this language)) #((like this is My Fault for not parsing i'm the one who knows what these words MEAN; COME ON)) #these went on a tangent but in my defense it's technically 4 am here (daylight savings) #also i was watching team red. the entire event. and then until this very moment. #this speaks for itself i think #shut up vic #block game brainrot

[capisback]

I know it’s haha funny to laugh at dutch and call it discount english or what-have-you, but I stopped finding it funny a long, long time ago. There’s so much active distaste for a language that has every right to exist and be found beautiful, but it’s hated by people who don’t speak it and native speakers who do. Why would you call any language lesser than? Any language better than another? There’s so much beauty to be found in each language, so many different ways of life and seeing the world, so many different words and sayings and ways to love that you can’t find in another. Dutch is no different, and it deserves to be appreciated, not driven into the ground and disregarded as a worn piece of clothing that’s served its purpose

#you don't even learn proper dutch in school anymore #listen I just #I'm so sad about this #I used to have this mindset of: english is better than dutch #why even learn dutch? #before I realized what an awful mindset this was #and I learned to appreciate my language and now I can see how much magic flows through it #how lyrical the sentences are #I've come to see how many sayings we have and how unique they are and how fun they are to use #Dutch deserves some appreciation #it deserves to have at least its native speakers' respect or love or at the very least fondness #I love dutch with all my heart and I wish I knew it better #I wish there was more literature and more media in it too #cap talks #dutch #dutchblr #flemish

[bonefall]

So, since BB!Ivypool will use her newfound deputy status to force a confrontation with Dovewing- how would she react if Dovewing snaps and told her to her face that she never, EVER wanted to speak with her again after everything? Like, would it click for her that even if she deeply regrets the way she treated her sister, no matter how sorry she is its up to Dovewing if she's ever forgiven? Or does she blame Heartstar thinking she turned her sister against her?

Let's pop open the hood of BB!Ivypool and her fucked up little life, and every person she's been leading up to the end of BB!TBC.

All of this starts with her father, Lionblaze, raising her with this axiom; That you are given strength to serve your Clan.

While he used Dovepaw and her powers in service of ThunderClan (often fighting with her mentor, Birchfall), Lionblaze encouraged his daughter to involve herself in Dark Forest training. Ivypaw felt like this was how she "earned" affection from her Ba, with hard work.

Just as Lionblaze believed that his physical abuse at the paw of Ashfur made him stronger, Ivypool also came to believe that growing up thrown to the wolves made her stronger too.

So when Dovewing first started to... not even REJECT the idea, just display any resentment towards it at all, it's like a personal slight.

No one ever fucking listens to Dovewing. No one cares what she wants. Just what she can do for them.

And Ivypool was super part of that. Her mentor is Brightheart, who often overexerts herself as an expression of PTSD. She saw Hawkfrost "die" turning against Tigerstar for the greater good. She sees Bumblestripe "working so hard" to "help Dovewing adjust" while she's losing her hearing.

In her eyes, Dovewing was being selfish. Look at all these people who give EVERYTHING to their Clans-- how dare you try and make it about yourself?

Tigerheart, in and out of their life constantly, gets blamed because it's a lot easier to pin it all on the Evil Codebreaking Foreigner than admit that maybe Dovewing has a point. Ah HA! THERE is the villain responsible for making my sister act weird! I knew it all along!

(Plus Tigerheart and Ivypool got pitted against each other a LOT in DF training because Ivy was Hawkfrost's apprentice and Tigerheart was Tigerstar's, for some incredibly fucked up projection reasons you'd expect of Tunnelbunstar. Ivypool will nonsensically blame Tigerheart like she's a Dinkleberg.)

(Also tbf tigerheart would 100% let her believe it, 1. Because it's funny, and 2. Because it takes the heat off Dovewing)

And Ivypool was VICIOUS about this. AVoS is still getting shuffled but if anything vindictive she did towards Dove in that arc gets removed, I will replace it with something just as bad. She would actively sabotauge ShadowClan if it meant keeping Tigerheart away from Dovewing.

She can't handle the thought of losing Dovewing. At some point, it became about control. It's her insecurity towards herself, towards her family, towards all of her losses, and even towards service of her very Clan.

And then Dovewing booked it. Couldn't handle this shit and panicked and BAILED.

And THEN it's about getting Dovewing BACK. She's even dragged Fernsong into this and tried to leverage his friendship with Dovewing to this end. She'll even support Bumblestripe when he tries to argue for an invalidation of Queen’s Rights on technicality.

Ivypool: "Those kits are Bumblestripe's! He has a claim! They even have HIS MANE"

Heartstar: "Hmm. No, it is very clearly MY mane."

Ivypool: "You can't-- wait what?"

Heartstar: "Lightkit even has my beautiful smile <3 so fuck off, maybe?"

For a long time that's where Ivypool was. She was the awful, vindictive sister-in-law constantly trying to weasel in to make Dovewing feel bad. When she had kittens of her own, she was still in this mindset.

It didn't end well. In BB!TBC, Bristlefrost needed her. Ivypool stepped in to prevent her from being the impostor's pawn, but refused to do anything when she was caught and imprisoned for being in a HalfClan relationship. She needed to be punished as a codebreaker.

Brought to the next Gathering, the impostor reiterated the need to enforce the code, and desperate times calling for desperate measures. He called for SkyClan to punish their own warrior. They refused to make this a public spectacle.

So he sliced open her throat, right on the branch beside him.

Ivypool didn't imagine she would be KILLED. Suddenly her whole world shattered. The moon stayed clear and bright. Her daughter was dead before she hit the ground and she had HERSELF to blame.

Dovewing and Ivypool served in the rebellion together, and eventually Ivy went into the Dark Forest as a Light in the Mist. She watched Bristlefrost die, AGAIN, knocking Ashfur out of the sky and burning them both up in orbit, and how brave Shadowsight had been in pinning him in place.

Ivypool NEEDS Dovewing to know now that she's different. She's learned a lot. She understands so, so much more now...

But DOES she? She still hates Heartstar's guts. She still feels abandoned. How different ARE you now, Ivypool, with your renewed interest in finding some petty reason to skirt around Dovewing's direct wishes? When you're still here getting into blowout arguments with Heartstar?

So to answer the question, if Dovewing told her directly, "I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DESPERATION. IM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS. PISS OFF"

Ivypool would not be able to accept that.

It just wouldn't stick, ever. It really is desperation. Dovewing NEEDS to know that Ivypool loves her and misses her, and that she understands, but also that Heartstar is delusional, and this is still kind of Dovewing's fault. And Ivypool will do anything to make her know this.

But I also DO want to say; this is a very unique weakness. It is Dovewing Derangement Syndrome. Ivypool is a competent deputy, and she is a devoted and respected warrior of ThunderClan. It will be no surprise she's being picked for deputy, especially considering (god willing) Squirrelstar is seeking war with ShadowClan.

She is a good friend, mate, and leader. But BB!Ivypool is so, so fucked in the head about Dovewing. This family can fit so much trauma in it

#BB!Ivypool #Better bones au #BB!OOTS #bb!TBC #BB!Dovewing #BB!Heartstar #Ivy is both a victim and a perpetrator. I do have sympathy for her #Which I think is what really makes this so juicy #But your pain doesn't mean you get to have whatever you want #Or even whatever you think you need #I think it's hard to explain it because it's not logical AT ALL #It's a boiling soup of strong and desperate emotions that Ivy has not unpacked #And how can you even? SO much has happened to Ivy #So many awful and DIFFERENT things #I want to study her #For the record btw I am on Dovewing's side in this conflict tho lmaoooooooo #Dovewing I'm so sorry. It's extremely fun watching Ivypool try to break into your house to rearrange your fridge magnets to say 'TALK TO ME #You deserve better. But I cant look away. #Dovewing is trying so hard to become a background character it's hysterical #Girl you are in the Main Character Family (for bb at least) you are not allowed to have a peaceful life with your beautiful wife

[bumblingbabooshka]

Janeway in 'Nothing Human' vs Tuvok in 'Resolutions' There's something here I know there is I can almost wrap my teeth around it.

#I can't watch Nothing Human bc the puppet really disconcerts me #but I cannot believe Janeway really came into B'Elanna's room after all that and the FIRST thing she says...her OPENER is #'Wow it smells awful in here~!' #DUDE....................TIME AND PLACE #HEHEHHE #C'MON MAN #B'Elanna: Is [putting it behind us] an order? / Janeway [normal!]: Yes. #'And what emotion is that?' C'MON MAN!!!!!! #Janeway & Tuvok #Kathryn Janeway #Tuvok #I can see why she and Tuvok are friends #'I understand you're upset but fall in line' #You can be upset but not if effects your work #<- Something which would be fine on a regular ship but is very difficult on Voyager #I think Janeway's certain coldness or ruthlessness which can be aimed at either friend or foe is an interesting #aspect of her personality #Ex: She and B'Elanna COULD have feasibly had a more touching scene together to close out the episode but they don't #I don't know if I'm explaining myself well right now I'm a bit ill and more than a bit tired #Something about uhh maybe....people under their command vehemently and emotionally disagreeing with them/their decisions?? #you can disagree with me but not if you don't follow me anyway #Voyager a ship full of contradictions #they have to all work together and they are all closer emotionally than any other starship due to their situation #but they are also still 'at work' and are expected to follow orders. It's like a 'casual' hierarchy but it's still a hierarchy #and you can't fall too far out of line bc you're someone dear to me #but you're also a valued cog in the machine #and even though you ARE valued you ARE still a cog in the machine #but you're also my dear friend. and all of these things are true at once. #all of that of course but also Janeway & Tuvok are displaying a very particular kind of shared leadership style in these moments #Janeway is obviously on the whole MUUUCH more charismatic and understanding than Tuvok but still - when push comes to shove...

[optiwashere]

You 🤝 Me 🤝 Anyone with taste:

“Whatever WotC does with the Companions in the future is not canon.”

So true. So real.

Even if it's stuff I wind up liking I'll ignore it. It'll be quaint headcanons from the Seattle company. Aww, how adorable of them and their weird corporate overlords.

I'm not even remotely sad tbh, because this is really what fanfic and fandom are for in the first place.

#hey you can ask me things! #I'm not even gonna think about what they'll do to Shadowheart - in 20 years she'll be some random dead body in Baldur's Gate 6 #I'm also personally not prepared for the Astarion discourse when WotC inevitably tries to do something with him #I would say I expect a fortnite collab and mobile game crossovers #but that implies that wotc will do something financially intelligent (if awful for me spiritually)

[feluka]

that comment is really making me lose my mind imagine writing so much with full confidence about something you know absolutely nothing about. average terf intelligence level i guess.

#idk sometimes it slaps me in the face that there's a considerable portion of the world that like #views us as some sort of aliens. every so often i read something where the person very clearly never anticipated that #a person from the group they're talking about it there and can read and respond to what they're saying #anyway i'm already in an awful mood and entering a bad depressive episode #i'm trying not to respond to any discourse because i don't want to snap at anyone #even pieces of shit. i don't want to snap at them either because is makes ME exhausted and i gues physically ill when i'm angry. #team blood pressure issues. anyway i should log off.