#what CAN young women do without being unfairly ridiculed

[the-batgirl]

Twitter sees any young woman becoming successful and decides she is cringey, untalented, and undeserving...it’s really sad to see it happen over and over again

#I mean #billie eilish #olivia rodrigo #millie bobby brown #Willow smith #Taylor too when she was younger #and Lorde! #there’s more but those are the big ones I can think of #what CAN young women do without being unfairly ridiculed? #why are young women held to standards that not even boys their age are held to? #my post

[padme-amitabha]

Is Anakin a Mary Sue?

Now it may shock you to learn this but it turns out that Disney Star Wars is kind of a contentious topic. The fandom's been more or less divided between those who like the sequel trilogy and those who like good movies but both groups spend a great deal of time slinging [ __ ] at each other over every form of social media known to man and truly no battleground is more fiercely contested than the protagonist of each trilogy. People who hate the Disney trilogy tend to criticize Rey for being an overpowered, flawless, perfect, invincible and unrelatable character for whom everything just kind of happens with no real struggle or difficulty a Mary Sue if you will.

Meanwhile supporters of the sequel trilogy are quick to leap to her defense usually with one of two potential counter arguments:  1. You just hate strong women 2. So what if she's op as [ __ ] Anakin Skywalker from the prequels was a Mary Sue too and you don't criticize him. You just hate strong women. This argument was brought into sharp focus for me the other day when I was perusing twitter in search of calm, logical, rational discussion about the merits of the sequel trilogy and I chanced upon this little gem of a comment. Ah yes that famously perfect protagonist who wins everything, always makes the right decisions, has a selfless and compassionate personality, and is universally loved and respected by everyone. Well random twitter [ __ ] as it turns out, I am ready to have that conversation right now. So saddle up y'all because the drinker's here to round up this [ __ ] and put an end to this argument once and for all. Let us journey deep into the world of the Star Wars prequels and see if we can figure out whether Anakin Skywalker really is a Mary Sue.

Now in order to do this, we have to nail down what exactly a Mary Sue is. Well according to the dictionary definition it's a term used to describe a fictional character, usually female, who is seen as too perfect and almost boring for lack of flaws originally written as an idealized version of an author in fanfiction. Now the finer points of what makes a Mary Sue can vary depending on who you talk to but after consulting multiple sources and drawing upon my own experiences as a writer, there's a few common traits that I think most people would generally agree on:

1.      Mary Sues usually possess skills and abilities that are not consistent with their situation and personal history. They can do stuff they shouldn't realistically be able to and they can do it better than anyone else.

2.      They usually possess flawless idealized personalities that no real person could measure up to they never give in to negative emotions like anger, greed, jealousy, selfishness or arrogance.

3.      They're universally loved respected and embraced by every good character they encounter even when there's no logical reason for this to happen.

4.      They never get seriously challenged, fail at anything or get beaten by anyone, success and victory come easily to them.

5.      They always make good decisions and strive to do what's right in any situation so why is this actually a problem.

Well I think the answer should be obvious, Mary Sues are boring as [ __ ]. If a character has got no flaws or weaknesses and never really gets challenged or tested by anything then what is there to get invested in?

It's the flaws and failings of a character that make them interesting in the first place and their struggle to rise above and overcome these flaws that make them so compelling. If these things are missing from a character, then there's nothing for the audience to latch onto or care about. There's nothing to like or root for. That's the essence of a Mary Sue and that's what we're going to be looking at here. So, with that in mind let's see how Anakin stacks up against this list shall we?

Point number one: Being overpowered and having abilities that he shouldn't. Now this more than anything else is what people tend to latch onto when they criticize Anakin and who can blame them really? On the surface it seems pretty ridiculous to see a nine-year-old boy doing stuff like this autopilot but let's put it into a wider context, shall we? When we first meet Anakin in The Phantom Menace, he's a slave living with his mother on Tatooine. He's spent most of his life salvaging junk and using it to make new stuff that can marginally improve their quality of life. As a result, he's become pretty good with technology. Well that makes sense, I guess. He's even applied these technical skills to pod racing where he's been fairly successful despite suffering at least one major crash that we know about. Again, this kind of makes sense when you consider he's strong with the force which would likely give him heightened perception reactions and understanding of the world around him, you know qualities that are important to high performance racing drivers. Anyway, his racing abilities allow the main characters to win an engine part that they need to repair their ship as well as enough money to buy his freedom. Sensing his importance Qui-Gon Jinn takes him under his wing and begins to teach him about the force. Remember when older mentor characters were allowed to teach the protagonist things? I miss that. He also takes part in a space battle that destroys an enemy mothership at the climax of the movie. Now as goofy as this scene is in its execution, it's not actually inconsistent with Anakin’s abilities and experiences. If you've worked around technology vehicles and ships your entire life and you can pilot a racing pod to a high standard then it stands to reason that you could probably operate other types of spacecraft as well, particularly if you have a droid on board to manage most of the ship's systems for you. However, for the sake of argument let's concede the Anakin in The Phantom Menace is indeed more skilled competent and capable than your average person.

So, what kind of effect would this have on a young man from an impoverished background suddenly thrust into a much larger world of power, politics and opportunity? Well that brings me neatly along to point number two: Mary Sues are supposed to have flawless personalities never giving in to anger, jealousy, resentment, vengeance or ambition. All throughout the second and third movies in the prequel trilogy, Anakin displays an increasingly severe set of personality flaws that begin to undermine his position in the world and his relationship with other characters. He's impetuous and hot-headed, frequently rushing into dangerous situations without waiting for backup or considering the risk to himself particularly when someone he cares about is in danger. Keep that one in mind because it'll be important later. He's ambitious but also impatient, feeling like he's been unfairly held back by other characters, particularly Obi-Wan Kenobi, and this resentment causes a growing rift between the two men that eventually spills out into open conflicts. Rather than taking the longer and harder path to wisdom and understanding, Anakin wants everything right away. He also cares deeply about people close to him and this attachment often manifests in explosive bites of anger and jealousy when he feels that they're being threatened like when his mother gets kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders, causing Anakin to go on a violent rampage that escalates into wholesale slaughter. Afterwards even he's shocked by what he did or when he believes that Padme has turned against him by Obi-Wan Kenobi, causing him to lash out violently against both of them. By this point he's been totally consumed by uncontrolled jealousy anger resentment and betrayal. All of the emotions that lead to the dark side of the force. The point here is clear: if you [ __ ] with someone he cares about then mercy and compassion go right out the window.

All of his skills, abilities and potential which seemed so overpowered and unnecessary in the first movie in fact serve a very important purpose for his character development. They've generated a sense of superiority, arrogance and overconfidence, and a reluctance to listen to criticism or advice no matter how well intentioned they might be. These are dangerous flaws in his personality all by themselves but combined with his overwhelming emotional attachment to people he cares about it creates a potent cocktail of reckless ambition and deep-seated insecurity that makes him uniquely vulnerable to manipulation something which will later prove disastrous because while Mary Sues are universally loved respected and trusted by everyone, Anakin certainly isn't in the first movie. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu and Yoda are all against training Anakin to become a Jedi despite his obvious potential because they know he's already too old to be inducted. This lack of early discipline in his life would leave a dangerous gap in his personality, making him unpredictable and less able to control his emotions, two factors which are extremely dangerous for Jedi. These misgivings would carry over to the next two movies where Anakin is elevated to the Jedi high council on Palpatine’s orders but the council itself refuses to grant him the rank of master because they feel he hasn't earned it yet. Now a different man would see this as an opportunity to prove himself by working hard and earning their trust eventually winning them over and gaining the recognition he deserves but Anakin takes this as a personal insult from the council which drives a deeper wedge between him and a Jedi order which he believes will never truly respect or accept him. Wow it's almost like Palpatine knew this was going to happen and engineered the whole thing to pull Anakin closer to him portraying himself as the only one who can help Anakin realize his full potential. It's a surprisingly smart piece of characterization that's completely consistent with everything we know about both men. The higher Anakin rises the more it stokes the fire of his ambition and superiority and the more he comes to see anyone who doubts or cautions him as a threat to his success. This arrogance and overconfidence also causes him to test himself against powerful opponents before he's actually ready for them and unlike Mary sues who easily win every battle they have to fight, Anakin’s recklessness causes an escalating series of losses like here where he tries to take on count Dooku all by himself and it ends with Anakin getting his [ __ ] arm sliced off. But his desire for revenge against the man who defeated him ultimately causes a more powerful and better prepared Anakin to execute him in the following movie, again proving his willingness to give into vengeance and anger even against helpless opponents or here in his climactic confrontation with Obi-Wan where his enemy has the advantage but Anakin presses the attack anyway and well I think we know how that turns out. Just as a side note I love how this carries over to Return of the Jedi. See Luke’s taking the high ground here just like Obi-Wan did.

What we have here is a clear pattern of behavior from a man whose ambitions consistently outstrip his abilities. Rather than demonstrating patience and restraint and taking the slower and harder path to lasting wisdom and fulfillment, Anakin’s inherent character flaws cause him to push himself beyond breaking point with increasingly disastrous consequences which brings me neatly along to the final points: whereas Mary Sues consistently make good righteous decisions and always strive to do the correct thing, Anakin on the other hand demonstrates a consistent pattern of mistakes and misjudgments that ultimately cost him everything. As I've already shown you the flaws in his personality are exacerbated by his powers and abilities making him easy prey for a ruthlessly ambitious man that knows exactly how to flatter his ambitions and prey on his weaknesses this eventually causes him to commit terrible crimes like murdering an entire tribe including unarmed civilians murdering children, executing a helpless opponent, helping to kill a jedi master, trying to murder his own wife, trying to kill his mentor and best friend, joining forces with an evil dictator to overthrow the republic, delivering this scene…

What I’m trying to say with all this is that Anakin Skywalker is the very furthest thing from a Mary Sue that you can get. Trying to label him as a Mary Sue for no other reason than because he's good at lots of stuff demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of what a Mary Sue is and also of who Anakin is. The reality is that he's a powerful but deeply flawed man whose unique combination of circumstances and abilities have created a dangerous personality that's vulnerable to manipulation and corruption his greatest strengths ultimately proved to be his most terrible weaknesses with consequences that echo across the entire galaxy. Now I have my own thoughts on the prequel trilogy as a whole and I’d be lying if I said they were great movies but fundamentally I think the story they tell is actually pretty [ __ ] good and I’m just gonna say it: Anakin’s rise to power and fall to the dark side is a damn good piece of character work that Disney would have done well to pay more attention to. Anyway, that's all I’ve got for today. Go away now.

I would argue the prequels are great movies but he makes some very good points. I have seen so many Disney fans claim Anakin is a Mary Sue, when he’s anything but a Mary Sue. 

#star wars #anakin skywalker #star wars prequels #rey #star wars prequel trilogy #padme amidala #obi wan kenobi #the phantom menace #the attack of the clones #the revenge of the sith #darth vader #sw prequels #tpm #aotc #rots #star wars sequel trilogy #anti disney #anti disney star wars #padmé amidala #the critical drinker #YouTube #prequel defense #ob-wan kenobi

[marginalmadness]

Gimme S’more

Pairing: Jungkook/Noona!Reader

Rating: Teen + 

Genre: Tooth rotting fluff

Synopsis: You spot the man of your dreams across a crowed bar, tall, fit, devastatingly attractive, expensive suit...everything you’ve been lusting after since puberty. That dream is shattered when he finally approaches you in baggy pants and an oversized hoody looking like he toddled out of daycare without a parent. You’re about to shoot him down, because you are too old to babysit anyone, when a burst of confidence impresses you, and you give him one chance. Just one. That’s all you’re giving him. No more.

Warnings: Strong Language, Implication of sex

Authors Notes: I’ve been working on this fic on and off since October, but Christmas is a rough time for me so it took me for ever and I apologise for it taking so long to get something out. This fic is for my Platonic Aquarius friend, Bun, whose birthday it is today (11th Feb *cough*) It was her idea, she requested a very simple cute fic, and I accidentally wrote her 11k words of tooth rotting fluff. I hope you love it my lil cabbage <3 

Word Count: 11k

Gimme S’More

The first time you saw him, he’d just walked right into your regular after-work bar, looking like the idealised version of every guy you’ve been throwing yourself at since you were a teenager. It wasn’t your usual night to meet up after work for drinks, but going by the way he was greeted by the bar staff, and the sudden roar above the crowd that went up as the group in the corner booth opposite the door cheered as he made a beeline for it, it must have been his.

He was tall and fit, not a snack but an entire buffet. The grey suit he was wearing fit him almost perfectly, the only imperfections being certain areas of tightness, where the material was stretched tight across his biceps and thighs, highlighting his obviously well-defined form, hiding under those clothes. But despite how professional his outfit looked, his hair was long, parted on the side, neatly brushed back off his face and tucked behind one ear. It gave him just an slight air of a rebel, like he wasn’t your standard, straight-laced office type. You spent most of the night ignoring the chatter of your colleagues around you, using the time to send surreptitious glances his way. Your table is as far away from the corner booth him and his friends occupy as you can get, not allowing you to get too good a look at him unless he heads up to the bar. You lose yourself in fantasies about the lawyer, or investment banker, or whatever he might be, hidden from you. He’s obviously paid well. The suit looks expensive, and tailored. You realise you’ve checked out and focus again on the noisy bar around you, you blink and notice he’s standing at the bar watching you. When he realises he’s been caught staring, he ducks his head and looks away. The bar is dimly lit, but you swear you can see a blush spreading across his cheeks. He turns away from the bar, heading back to his table and you’ve half convinced yourself to just be bold and follow him and get his number, when your friend informs you the taxi you’re sharing has arrived.

Maybe next time.

Your second encounter, you heard him before you saw him. A light, almost childlike giggle rang out above the noise of overworked office workers, drawing your attention. It had been a few weeks since you’d seen him, and once again today was not your usual day to drop in but it had been a particularly crappy day, but it was definitely his. The booth in the corner was once again half filled with what looked like the same group as last time. His drink was halfway to his lips before it stopped suddenly when he noticed you looking over at him. His smile faltered, eyes going comically round and wide, before curving into something smaller and warmer. With a small smile, he ducked his head and shifted his body away from you.

He looks younger than the first time you saw him and you’re not surprised you didn’t notice him this time. His hair is still long, but this time falling freely around his face in wet-looking loose waves, his toned, built, frame he confidently flaunted in the grey suit is now hidden under an over-sized black hoodie and cargo pants. Gone are your fantasies of him being a lawyer, or high-flying businessman, he was obviously a college student. He probably had a job interview or something that day and borrowed the suit.

You follow his lead and turn away from him with a sigh, resolved to forget about him. College students were way too young for you, and more trouble than they were worth. Your gaze was still drawn to him nonetheless. He is unfairly attractive and, unlike last time, he’s not looking away. Not until his friends notice him staring and start nudging and teasing him, and then he only looks annoyed with them, not embarrassed.

By the end of the night you’re almost ready to leave, just settling up your tab at the bar and putting everything back in your purse when you feel a warm body settle close to you. Your eyes drift over to the hovering figure, and you find a pair of comically large, round, brown eyes blinking at you through dark lashes, and cute, slightly protruding bunny teeth pressing into his bottom lip.

“Can I help you?” You ask, holding back a smile as you zip up your purse and throw the strap over your shoulder.

“I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?” He asks in a timid voice, head slightly bowed, hair obscuring most of his face.

“As you can see, I’m settling up my tab, and heading home.” You give him a sympathetic look. He really is just a kid.

“Then can I get your number?” He asks hopefully, his head comes up fully and as he shakes the loose strands away from his face you’re struck. Struck by how unfairly handsome he is now you can see him up close; and how ridiculously young he is.

“I think I might be old enough to be your mother.” You say, raising a brow at him, and he purses his lips, the bow of his upper lip vanishing with the action.

“I’m older than I look.” He protests with a pout. A goddamn pout, and you hate that it endears him to you. “I’m twenty three, so unless you’ve had a lot of work done, I don’t think so.” Your mouth falls open incredulously. A minute ago he could barely look you in the eye, now he’s mouthing off to you. “And if you have, it’s very good. You should give me the name of your surgeon.”

“You sassing me, kid?” You ask, turning and cocking your hip against the bar.

“Maybe.” He smiles like he’s proud that he got a reaction; got your attention. You notice the lines around his eyes are deep for someone who is only twenty three. He must smile a lot.

“Okay, so maybe the age difference isn’t that drastic, maybe it is. But it’s still a significant difference for someone so young.”

“How about one date? Afterwards we can both decide together, like adults, if it’s going to be an issue?” He says with a shrug.

“Woooooow,” you draw out, “good line, how often do you use it on unsuspecting MILFs in bars?” You ask, unaware that you’re slowly edging into his space.

“I don’t know, this is the first time I’ve ever said it. I don’t like lines, I think it’s much better to be sincere.” He says, tilting his head almost imperceptibly towards you, like he’s telling you a secret.

“So… you’re always sincere when you’re hitting on women in bars?” You say with a tiny, challenging lift of your chin.

“I’m. Always. Sincere.” His eyes flick down to your lips, and your own eyes narrow as he licks his bottom lip; you’re not sure if it’s a move or not. “So when I say you were the most beautiful woman in the bar tonight, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the last time I saw you, you can trust I’m being completely honest.” He says with a soft, coy smile.

You’re slowly falling into his space, getting lost in his big, brown eyes and the sincerity of his tone, but you really can’t help your reaction when his words penetrate your brain.

The bark of laughter is garishly loud, and in his face. “OH. MY. GOD,” you shriek, throwing your head back as you laugh. You would have toppled, if not for a strong, tattooed hand quickly reaching out to grab your arm. “That was so cheesy!” Your amusement subsides and you steady yourself. The cute stranger cautiously pulls his hand back from you. The teasing smile is gone and he’s nibbling on his lower lip again, bunny teeth dissolving your resolve to turn him down. You’re both adults after all, and he approached you. He didn’t baulk at the age difference, though right now he looks like he regrets coming to talk to you and is just waiting for a chance to run back to his friends with his tail between his legs. Whatever manners he has probably won't allow him to leave you until he’s sure you’re stable on your feet.

“Okay,” you concede. “One date.”

“What?!” He blinks at you, eyes large and round again as he takes a small step towards you.

“I said okay. One date. You’re super cheesy, but cute.” You turn, picking your coat up off the bar, sliding it over your arm.

“Really?” He smiles, and you find yourself itching to explore his smile lines with your fingertips.

“Yeah. My expectations are high though, Mr. Sincerity,” you say, holding your hand out for his phone.

“Jeongguk. My name is Jeongguk,” he says quickly, too quickly to be cool. He hands you his phone; a phone in a case covered in tiny carrots, and maybe it’s the alcohol, but his awareness and acceptance of his bunniness, juxtaposed with the goth boy in front of you, makes you want to get to know him better.

Definitely the alcohol.

You quickly type in your number and hand it back to him, and he looks at the screen in awe, like you’ve just handed him a sacred relic.

“Call me,” you say with a sly smile and a wink, pushing yourself away from the bar and around him, walking away and purposefully putting an extra sway into your hips as you leave. You look over to the booth where Jeongguk’s friends are sitting, but all six of them are silently inspecting the contents of their drinks very intently as you leave.

Just as the door swings shut behind you, you hear a cacophony of cheers erupting from their corner of the bar.

Jeongguk calls the next day, arranging to pick you up at the weekend. He promises to plan everything, saying he wants to surprise you. The only thing he told you is that you’d be outside, so dress appropriately. If you’re being honest, that scares you a bit. What if he wants to go skateboarding, or parkouring, or whatever men his age do these days?

You decide to keep it simple and dress like it’s a date. Which it is. It’s the beginning of summer, so you put on a nice sundress, and a cute jacket in case it gets colder. Keep it casual. Yeah. Appropriate. Just what all the kids wear on dates these days…

What the fuck are you thinking dating a twenty three year old?!

He picks you up looking delicious. That is the only word to describe him. Gone is the oversized hoodie he wore at the bar a few days ago, now he’s dressed in just a casual, white linen shirt, sleeves rolled up exposing thickly-veined, muscular, tattooed forearms. Tight blue jeans hugging his thighs, and a simple pair of Timbs. His hair is clean and shiny today, flowing in chocolate brown waves around his face, catching the light as the breeze disturbs it.

“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself as you literally stall in place while exiting your building, only to see him standing there. He’s leaning against a silver car that looks too fancy to belong to the guy who asked you out, but not good enough for the Daddy currently waiting for you. He has no right to look that good. None.

You realise you’re stuck staring when he pushes his sunglasses up on his head, breaking into a wide smile. He pushes off the car, opening the passenger-side door with a bow and a flourish of his hand. It takes a few seconds to convince your feet to work before you finally start stumbling towards him. He has the audacity to take your hand as you reach him and help you into the car, before closing the door and running around to his side.

Oh. Oh no.

You are completely fucked.

When you reach your destination you honestly think it’s a joke. He tells you to wait so he can run around to your side of the car and open the door and assist you out. Once you’re of the car and straightening the skirt of your dress, he runs around to the trunk and pulls out a goddamn picnic basket. It’s a woven basket, leather straps holding the lid down, red gingham fabric spilling over the sides. It’s like something out of a cheesy 50s Hollywood movie. You’ve seen this movie. You’re either going to end up a pregnant teen or dead.

“You have got to be kidding.” You frown with a quirk of your eyebrow. “A picnic?”

“Trust me,” is all he says, locking up his car and reaching for your hand.

“Maybe I should rename you Mr. Cliché?” you huff, rolling your eyes but taking his hand anyway. It’s big, and strong, and warm. And absolutely does not give you butterflies

“It’s Mr. Jeon to you,” he says again, leaning into your space, giving your hand a squeeze. “Trust me.” He pulls you along and leads you on a walk through a wooded area. The path is rustically paved… to be polite.

You continue the conversation you were having in the car. You telling him all about your job and how you hate it, and all about your friends and how you love them. He tells you he’s a YouTuber and you have to stop and laugh for a bit, but then you sober when he tells you how successful he is at it. He was craving a sweet roll after playing too much Skyrim once, so filmed himself making one and put it online for his friends to watch. And then Taehyung started requesting he make food from other video games, and he slowly built a following around it until random strangers on the internet were asking him to make different foods and give step-by-step instructions. And now he’s an accidental, self-trained internet chef and CEO of his own production company, with a following of 17 million people… and you’ve never heard of him.

You’re in a state of shock really. You don’t notice the trees around you, or the path; you’re moving automatically, enraptured by everything Jeongguk is saying, and how that nervous goth boy who asked you out is famous? And a CEO? He is truly fascinating.

The conversation turns to the night he approached you and he admits he only asked you out because he’d been pining after you since the first time he saw you and it was starting to annoy his friends, and if he didn’t ask you out his friend Taehyung threatened to come over and play wingman, ask you out on his behalf, impress you by showing you his nudes. This does snap you out of your stupor.

“Wait. Why does he have your nudes?” you ask, equal parts curious and horrified.

“Who else is going to give me a brutally honest opinion of my nudes, if not my gay B.F.F?” he says with a small frown, like it’s the most obvious explanation in the world.

“So you send your nudes to your friend… to get the okay before you send them to women? Like he’s your editor?”

“Yeah. I promise, it’s not as weird as you think. Tae is a model and photographer, he’s done a bunch of nude modelling, he knows all about light and ang-”

“Oh my god, this is amazing.” You cackle, tightening your hold on his hand but still clutching his arm to keep yourself steady. “You have professionally-assessed dick pics?”

“Shut up,” he says, trying to sound stern, but you can see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips at your interruption. “Anyway, one day, when I was a young and stupid teenager-”

“So, last week,” you interrupt again, fighting the urge to smile, as Jeongguk turns and glares at you playfully.

“A very long time ago, when I was a young and stupid teenager,” he emphasises, “Tae accidentally saw my nudes when I was scrolling through my pics on my phone, and when he stopped laughing and reenacting them for all my friends, he very kindly pointed out all of the things that were wrong with them.”

“Must have bruised your ego,” you say softly, no longer teasing.

“Yeah, I didn’t take it well at the time. I know he wasn’t doing it to be mean, but I was kind of a brat. Once I calmed down he offered to show me what I was doing wrong, and how to do it right, and since then, whenever I take a thirst pic I send it to him for his approval first.”

“…All pics?”

“Well, everything but dick pics. Since he and Seokjin started dating, it feels weird sending him pics of my junk, you know?”

“Are they the two, impossibly attractive ones that either look like they’re bickering or about to go at it on the table, with no in-between?”

“Yeah, that’s them,” he says with a light chuckle.

“You all sound like you’re very close.”

“We are. They’re my family.” He grins at you.

He brings you to the top of the overlook and you can see the entire sprawl of the city below you from up here. It’s an amazing sensation to see a city so large but have the noise of it dulled to a distant thrum.

You have no idea why this place isn’t packed with people. The view is beautiful, the sun is beating down from a perfect, blue sky with just the right amount of white, fluffy clouds, and the birds are singing in the trees. This place is perfect.

You spin with your arms spread wide, face turned to the sky. For the first time possibly since you were a teenager, a feeling of freedom runs over you that reminds you of summers from your youth. A chuckle behind you draws your attention and you stop, turning to Jeongguk, finding him kneeling on a blanket he’s spread on the grass, taking tupperware boxes out of the basket.

“Please sit.” He motions to the other side of the blanket.

You sit yourself down as gracefully as you can manage, straightening your skirt over your knees before you start helping him open up the tupperware boxes. You’re amazed by how delicious and homemade everything looks.

“You made this?” you ask.

“I did,” he answers simply, no offence in his tone.

“All of it??”

“Yes.” He beams up at you. “I didn’t know what you would like so I made a bit of everything. There’s some pasta salad, barbecued meats. I made some traditional Korean, cold noodle dishes, with sides I thought you might like, my famous brown sugar potatoes, rice--there’s a couple of dessert options, too, for after.”

You stare at him, open-mouthed. There’s a banquet before you and he made it all himself.

“You cannot be real,” you whisper.

“What do you mean?” he asks with a small frown.

“You… you can’t look like that!” you say, waving your hand at him. “With that body, and be charming, and have an amazing career, and be Gordon-fucking-Ramsey.” The worried look falls away from his face as he ducks his head and laughs the most delightful laugh you’ve ever heard. “And your laugh is delightful. You could be a Disney Princess. Do you bleed sunshine?” All this time he’s just beaming at you silently. His eyes are crinkled, and you resist reaching out to caress his eyelines. “What time did you even get up this morning to do all this?” you ask finally.

“Well, I got up at five to work out-”

“There’s a five in the morning?!” you almost screech, and he grins at you.

“Do you interrupt everyone, or just me?” You close your mouth with an audible click of teeth, but Jeongguk doesn’t seem upset. “I work long hours, so yes, I get up at five to work out and shower before I hit the different farmers’ markets to find the freshest ingredients.” He reaches out and takes your hand. “And I did all this because I wanted to impress you. Is that so bad?” He’s looking at you with those big, round, puppy-dog eyes again. You swear to yourself that you’ll never tell him how they affect you, because if he asked you for nuclear launch codes while looking at you with those big, brown eyes, you might just have to get them for him.

Instead, you blush and look away like a teenager.

“No,” you say in a small voice. “Everything looks delicious.” He smiles again, eyes vanishing, and you’re once again caught off-guard by how stunning he truly is.

By the end of the date he’s hand-feeding you strawberries dipped in homemade chocolate ganache, and you’re tracing your fingers over the smile lines around his eyes.

You agree to a second date before you even get in the car to go home.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

That was three weeks ago. Twenty three days, to be exact, but it’s not like you’re counting or anything. Only teenagers count that stuff, not grown women in their- you sigh; you’re pathetic. Pathetic and whipped.

Your second date had been everything you feared your first date would be. A ‘Woodland Adventure Park’, with zip lines, sheer rock faces to climb, rope bridges and everything. Turns out Jeongguk is not just a shy goth boy masquerading as a self-made CEO, he’s also a bona fide adrenaline junkie, and this is his way of easing you into it slowly. This is an adventure park for children, after all…

You hate maybe the first thirty minutes of being there, before Jeongguk starts holding you, large hands firmly gripping you by the waist. He steadies you with his hold, whispering encouragement into your ear. “You can do it, Noona. I believe in you.” And hell be damned, if Jeongguk wanted you to do something, you would do it for him, as long as he kept holding you. In the end, you begrudgingly admit you had fun, but to yourself think it had everything to do with Jeongguk’s proximity and watching his muscles flex as he worked his way across various activities. And the many different activities you were imagining you could do together to make them flex like that.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

For your third date he takes you to a fancy restaurant. The type of fancy where they don’t put prices on the menu, and sensing your hesitation to order anything but a tap-water, he reaches out for your hand and rubs a soothing thumb over the back of it, other hand pulling down your menu to look you in the eye.

“Don’t worry about the prices, everything is on the house,” he whispers with a wink.

“How did you manage that?” you whisper back, frowning at some of the items on the menu. You may not know what they cost specifically, but you know this bottle of wine costs more than a month’s rent.

“I shot some collab videos with the restaurant, so they gave me dinner-for-two on the house. Anything you want, it’s yours, pumpkin.” He squeezes your hand and gives you a smirk as you blush at the nickname. He’d taken to calling you all sorts of cute, food-related nicknames; pumpkin, cupcake, cream puff, and you hated how you blushed like a schoolgirl and he looked so smug each time. You felt like it was time to beat him at his own game. You look through the menu, looking for some very specific items. The waitress comes over, giving you her best customer service smile before asking for your order.

“Are you ready to order?” she asks politely.

Jeongguk gives you an encouraging look and you smirk at him, maintaining eye contact as you give the waitress your order.

“I’ll have the chilli and lime oysters as a starter,” you begin, holding your composure as Jeongguk blinks several times and then frowns slightly. “The marbled steak, medium please, and the strawberry and watermelon truffle chocolate cup for dessert.” You fold up your menu and hand it to her, sparing her a glance and noticing the way she’s pursing her lips to hold in a laugh, before looking back at Jeongguk.

“And you, Sir?” she asks Jeongguk. His mouth has started to gape, allowing you to see the tip of his tongue press against the edge of his teeth.

“Same,” he says simply, handing the menu back. “But I’d like my steak cooked medium-rare.” He flashes her a quick smile before turning his attention back to you, his eyes dark and intense, his hand reaching over the table to take yours, interlacing his fingers with yours. “Oysters?”

“Hmmmm,” you practically purr with a seductive smile.

“I… I don’t want to assume anything-” he starts hesitantly.

“You should.” You bite your lip and his eyes go almost comically wide.

“Noona, ah.” He sighs, lifting your hand and kissing your knuckles repeatedly, before pressing his forehead to them. “Noona, do you have any idea how crazy you drive me?” You remove your hand from his grasp, carefully brushing a strand of hair away from his face, before running your fingers down the side of his face.

“Yes,” you whisper, giving him a gentle smile. “I know exactly how you feel.” He takes in a deep, shuddering breath as a wide boyish smile breaks across his face, and you lean back in your chair, taking a sip of wine.

You spend the rest of the evening chatting idly, slipping in the occasional double entendre or coy remark, heightening the energy between the two of you. The food comes quickly, but you don’t taste it, the only thing you’re devouring is the man in front of you, and you’re doing it with your eyes. You hurry through your meal as best as you can without looking like you’re hurrying, throwing Jeongguk smoldering looks as he watches your mouth with utmost fascination while you work your way through three courses of aphrodisiacs.

You don’t touch again during dinner, not even as Jeongguk guides you out of the restaurant and into his car. It’s funny to watch his hands tighten on the steering wheel as his eyes dart your way. You cross your legs and your dress rides a little high, allowing him a glimpse of the lace of your stockings and the noise he emits is somewhere between a choked off sob and a deep growl. You gasp in surprise at how your body reacts to the sound, a thrill running up your spine and a deep, throbbing ache forming between your legs.

“Were those stockings expensive?” he asks, voice strained.

“Not particularly,” you say with a small shrug.

“Good,” he says, in a low, dark tone. “I won’t feel bad when I ruin them later.” You turn to look at him, taking him all in, feeling your heart pick up in pace as you watch his rapidly fraying control. White knuckles on the steering wheel, rapid breathing, tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek. You turn back to watching the road and pray you miss every red light and traffic jam. You do.

Your stockings last approximately ten minutes once you make it inside Jeongguk’s apartment, they however do not make it to his bedroom. Jeongguk offers to buy you a new pair but you convince him to keep the money and pay your half of the noise complaint fine.

That was day twenty, three days ago. The bruises and hickeys haven’t even faded, and when you put your foot up on a wooden post to tighten the laces of your boot, the hem of your shorts rides up, exposing a large purple bite mark, high on the inside of your thigh. You smile down at it. You should probably feel a sense of shame, that’s what society tells you, but if people see it you don’t really care.

You collect your giant backpack, swinging it onto your shoulders and adjusting it until it’s comfortable, before turning to help Jeongguk as he hoists his own backpack on his shoulders. It makes yours look like a clutch purse. He fastens it around his waist, and you start attaching different items to it. Altogether it’s got to weigh almost as much as you do, and you blush as you remember how he easily threw you around his apartment like you weighed nothing.

“Ready to go?” he asks, throwing you a big smile, tossing his head back to move the strands of hair that had come loose from his artfully tousled bun and fallen into his eyes.

“Yup. Everything is accounted for and attached to your backpack,” you confirm, patting his bag.

“Yay!” he says excitedly, in the tiniest voice ever, holding out a hand to you. “Let’s go!” He slams his car trunk shut and starts leading you toward the trail that heads up the through the woods; not up to the main peak of the mountain, but a view of the valley. You don’t get a chance to read the map at the beginning of the trail and Jeongguk pulls you along. You’re not reluctant, you’ve camped before, it’s just the three hour hike to get to the specific spot Jeongguk wants to show you that you aren’t looking forward to. Your old lady legs protest at the mere thought of a 3 hour hike, uphill, but Jeongguk promised it would be worth it.

It’s not too difficult at first; the trail is a well-used, gentle slope, and Jeongguk’s excited chattering makes the time pass quickly. It’s not until you’ve been walking for little over an hour that Jeongguk stops and waits for you to catch up, taking a sharp left into the surrounding wilderness, along a path that’s much harder to see and slightly overgrown from disuse.

“Erm, is this where you take me into the woods, kill me, bury me and I’m never heard from again?” you ask, pushing aside ferns and stepping over tree roots, smiling when he giggles. It blends in perfectly with the sound of the songbirds in the trees above you.

“Noona, if I was going to kill you, I would do it at home in my stainless steel kitchen and hide you in my walk-in fridge.” He throws you a cheeky wink over his shoulder and carries on walking. Your mouth falls open, agape.

“Um.” Your brain stops to process this information for a second. “Should I be worried that you’ve thought about this?”

“I’ve seen Hannibal,” he says with a shrug, glancing over his shoulder. “I started wondering if my own freezer was big enough to hide a body in.”

“And it is?” you ask and he turns around fully, giving you a mischievous look, wiggling his eyebrows. The tip of his tongue pokes out between his teeth. He spins back around and strides quickly ahead of you.

“Let’s hurry. The barbecue place--I mean campsite--isn’t far.”

“Funny!” you yell. “How did you even find this place? I didn’t even see where this trail connected to the main one.”

He stops at a boulder and waits for you to catch up, before slowing his pace to walk beside you. “I was kind of a brat when I was younger. I wasn’t a bad kid, just--I liked to get my own way, and when I didn’t I used to sulk. A lot. One day I had a big argument with Hoseok, over a banana of all things. The rest of the guys told me I was in the wrong and obviously I didn’t want to hear that at the time, I felt like they were ganging up on me. I stormed out the house, got in my car and drove. Just drove and drove until I ended up here and I was still so angry, so I walked. Right into the woods. I found this place by accident.”

“You just drove and then stormed off into the woods?”

“Pretty much,” Jeongguk says with a shrug

“Jeongguk, that’s literally how almost every horror film ever made starts.”

“Brat,” he says, pointing to himself. “Also an idiot. Anyway, this became my safe place. Where I came when life became too much and I just wanted to get away from everything and clear my head.”

“I- that’s understandable. Everyone needs a place to escape to when life becomes too much.”

He slips his hand into yours, linking your fingers together. “Tell me about yours?” You squeeze his hand and proceed to tell him about your safe place. The place you run to when you want to get away from everyone and everything.

You spend the rest of the hike chatting, you filling him in about your friends’ lives and how you still hate your job, and he offers to find you a job with his production company, but you think that’s a little inappropriate. He tells you about the anti-fracking rally Namjoon is organising for next weekend, and also tries to convince you to sign up for a class at Jimin and Hobi’s dance school which he also attends occasionally. And then he suggests the two of you attend a club night that Yoongi had recently written a review of for the paper he works at. It’s a dance club but the night consists entirely of classical remixes. It’s super chill and contemporary.

“So Jimin and Hoseok own a dance studio together? But they aren’t together-together?” you ask, confused.

“No, Jimin is with Namjoon, and Hobi is engaged to Yoongi. Jimin and Hobi are just business partners, because they both love dance and wanted to open a studio, so they did it together. Street dance and contemporary in one place.”

“Hoseok is Hobi?”

“Yup!”

“And Yoongi is the secret underground rapper and nationally-published music reviewer? Who is trying to convince us to go to a nightclub?” You’re a little cross-eyed trying to keep all the information about Jeongguk’s friends straight in your head.

“Ah, I’m so impressed, Noona! Yeah, he suggested the nightclub, he seemed really excited about it, and he is very rarely excited,” he says, shaking your hand which is clutched in his, in excitement.

“I’m a little old to be going to nightclubs,” you grumble as you attempt to climb over a fallen tree. Jeongguk hops over it like it’s nothing, even with the world’s biggest bag on his shoulders, and then holds out a hand to help you over the cumbersome obstacle. Once you’re over, he holds you by the hips as you right yourself.

“You’re only as old as you feel.” He smiles, pulling you closer until you’re as flush as you can get while trying to balance on uneven ground while carrying heavy backpacks.

“Then I must be a thousand,” you groan, burying your head in his shoulder, chest heaving with exertion as you cling to the back of his checked shirt.

“Then maybe you’re only as old as the guy you’re feeling up?” He chuckles lowly into your ear, giving your hips a squeeze. Your hands slide down his sculpted chest and around his waist to cup his backside, lifting your head from his shoulder, brow crinkling in consideration.

“You may be onto something. I’m suddenly filled with youthful energy.”

“If you don’t get your hands off my ass, you’re gonna be filled with something else soon.” He growls, teeth nipping at your ear.

“Jeongguk!” you say, pushing him away, tone high-pitched and scandalised even as you fight the smile on your face. “We. Are. In. Public.”

“So?” he asks casually, leaning forward to kiss you. “Let’s give Bigfoot a show.”

You lean away from him, laughing, hands running over his golden, tattooed arms to settle on his shoulders. “Bigfoot?”

“I have the most beautiful woman in the world with me, of course he’s going to be following us, and want a piece of this,” he says, squeezing your hips again, pulling them closer to his.

You laugh again, wiggling out of his grip and start on the path. “You’re too much sometimes, you know that?”

“No I’m not. I’m just enough, and you like it,” he says, reaching for your hand and bringing it to his lips for a gentle kiss before striding ahead, leading you along the trail, and you’re grateful because that means he can’t see the blush that spreads over your face.

“So does that mean if Bigfoot shows up to carry me off, you’re going to fight him?”

“Nothing and no one will lay a finger on you while I’m here,” he yells over his shoulder, and the look he gives you is unusually serious.

“Ooooh, my big strong man, going to protect me,” you tease with a giggle.

“Ah, I like the sound of that,” he says with an almost dreamy sigh.

“What? Fighting Bigfoot?”

He stops, turning, waiting for you to catch up, cupping your face in his hands as soon as you’re within reach, the smile on his face tender. “Being ‘your man’.” His voice is soft, and once again his sincerity makes you weak. A small gasp leaves your lips and you find yourself leaning into him, falling deep into his big, brown eyes. He meets you in the middle, the kiss nothing more than a soft brush of lips against each other.

“I like that too,” you whisper back. His smile widens, eyes sparkling and he lifts a hand to brush his fingers in a featherlight caress against your lips, looking at you like you’re a wonder. He makes a small hum in the back of his throat and starts walking backwards, taking your hands and pulling you with him.

“I’m going to show you something amazing.” He smiles.

“I’m already looking at something amazing.” You smirk, causing him to stumble backwards as he laughs.

“I think my cheesy romanticism is rubbing off on you, pumpkin.”

He leads you deeper into the woods, stopping only occasionally to remove a layer of sweaty clothing, drink some water, and briefly make out against a tree. Or a boulder. Or maybe just standing in a clearing. Eventually, despite the many, many distractions, you make your way to a clearing atop a cliff that drops for a thousand feet. The entire valley is before you and in a couple of hours, when the sun starts to set, it will turn the canopy of green trees into a blaze of orange that you know your camera will fail to capture.

“Noona! Come look!” Jeongguk giggles excitedly, pulling you closer to the edge by your hand. He runs right to the lip, a wide, bright smile on his face, no fear at all, while your feet do more of a shuffle, and you’re standing as far back as both of your outstretched arms will allow. You’re not usually scared of heights, but a sheer, thousand foot drop? That you’re afraid of.

“I like the view from back here just fine, thank you.”

“Noona!” He frowns before letting go of your hand and covering his upper half with his arms, trying to hide his broad, sculpted chest that’s only covered in a tight tank at this moment. He absolutely fails. He turns to face you, face twisted in mock scandalisation. “I’m a nice boy, not just an object for your perverted fantasies.” He side-steps around you, brown eyes larger and rounder than usual.

“Okay. Firstly, punk, you are not a ‘nice boy’,” you say, raising a finger. “The only thing boyish about you is your sense of humour.” When you say that, his serious facade breaks and he grins in a way that accentuates his bunny teeth. You raise a second finger. “Secondly, you spend the entire hike up here playing grabass with me, pushing me up against every vertical surface we pass, and several horizontal ones, and you have the audacity to imply I’m the pervert?”

“Yeah, I’m just letting Bigfoot know he doesn’t have a chance.” He smiles as he bites his lip and ducks his head, looking at you through his lashes. “I’m not a pervert, I’m just…”

“A man with a voyeurism kink?” You raise an eyebrow at him and his entire body wiggles his in response, the tip of his tongue between his teeth as he laughs. He slides his bag off his shoulders and reaches to help you remove yours, dropping it to the side. As soon as you’re both free of your burdens, he pulls you close and buries his nose in your hair.

“Have you made love under the stars before, Noona?” he asks, his voice unusually deep and husky. Your breath stutters as you imagine him under you, lit by nothing but the glow of the moon, the stars reflected in his eyes.

“No, not really,” you whisper, clutching onto his muscular forearms to steady yourself

“Not really?” he asks, moving to press your foreheads together.

“I’ve fooled around outside, but not anywhere the stars were actually visible, and I wouldn’t really consider it ‘making love’.” You sigh, and Jeongguk is so close your breath moves his hair and it caresses your face. “What about you?”

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“What, so you just brought your other girlfriends up here and left them with blueballs?” you ask with a teasing pout.

“I’ve never brought anyone else up here,” he says softly.

“I… what? No one?” you gasp.

“Jin, once. I was upset and got in the car to come here but he insisted I was crying too hard to drive safely… So he drove me here. I, uh, kind of told him he could follow me if he wanted to and he did. He stayed with me overnight.” He lets out a small huff of laughter. “He didn’t even say a word all night, just sat by me and then offered to drive me home.”

“Wow,” you say, pulling back, carefully studying his face.

“Yeah. Hard to imagine a completely quiet Jin,” he says with a small smile.

“No, I mean…‘Wow, I’m the first woman you’re bringing into your safe place’. That’s… that’s huge.”

“No one ever felt special enough.” His arms wind around your waist tightly and you bury your face in his shoulder to hide your blush.

“Gguk, it’s only been three weeks,” you say, trying to smother your smile, because it’s only been three weeks, but he’s wormed his way into your affections so completely, it’s hard to imagine him not being there.

“When you know, you know,” he whispers into your ear, and you groan because it’s become part of your routine that you pretend to hate it when he’s being overly sappy, but you’re starting to think he might be right.

Between the two of you--or, rather, between Jeongguk and his many years of camping experience and bossing you around, you set the tent up in no time. You can’t even begin to talk about how attractive bossy Jeongguk is. 

He leaves you with a kiss on the forehead to nap, to rest your ‘old lady bones’ from the hike up here, and tells you he’s off to ‘forage’.

You lay on the air-matress trying to relax, but spend the entire time worrying about Jeongguk. You know it’s ridiculous because this is his place, and he’ll be comfortable here and know what he’s doing, but accidents can always happen and what if something does, what if he needs help and you need to go find him, and then you get injured? What if he’s fine but you stupidly go looking for him anyway and something happens to you, and he thinks you got overwhelmed and ran away and left him-

You flip yourself over and scream into your camping pillow while kicking your feet. The release of energy seems to help; your head seems a little clearer, a little calmer. Jeongguk will be fine. He knows what he’s doing. He would never leave you and risk something happening to you in the woods if he thought there was even the slightest chance something would happen.

Nothing and no one will lay a finger on you while he’s here.

Feeling restless, you push yourself up and exit the tent. Heading for Jeongguk’s bag, you pull out the stuff to start a fire. You set it to one side and start collecting suitable wood from around the campsite. This area seems pretty unused so there’s an abundance of firewood, and a circle of stones you guess someone set up as a firepit. It only takes a few minutes before you have an armful of firewood, and you dump it all in a pile and attempt to build it into something that resembles something you’ve only seen in movies and on TV. Sticks aren’t as easy to stack in aesthetically pleasing piles as they seem, but before too long your pile of wood looks like something that resembles an unlit campfire. You even put smaller twigs and dried grass under, tucked in the middle. Who knew that lazy Sunday marathons of Bear Grylls’ survival shows would actually come in handy? After one, or… twelve attempts, you use the flint firestarter to create sparks which catch and smolder. You gently coax them into larger flames by blowing on them, jumping up and brushing your hands clean on your shorts before throwing them above your head and dancing around the slowly growing fire, yelling and clapping with glee.

“I AM WOMAN! I CREATE FIRRRRRRRRRRRE! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!” you roar at the top of your voice, head thrown back to the sky, arms raised in triumph. A laugh behind you startles you and you spin around to find Jeongguk watching you with an adoring smile on his face.

“GGUKIE LOOK WHAT I DID!” you practically squeal, motioning to the fire that's burning quite nicely now, before you spin like a ballerina and run towards him in excitement.

“My wild woman.” He grins, leaning down to kiss you as soon as you’re within reach.

“My hunter-gatherer,” you say, winding your arms around his neck to pull him down for another kiss, which he chuckles into. “Were you successful in foraging?”

He holds out a tote bag. “Your man provides.”

“Mmmmm…my man,” you murmur, kissing him again. His eyes harden and he’s staring intently at your lips as you pull back, even as he slowly licks his own. You know what that look means; that look once ruined your stockings. “I know what you’re thinking, and you’re going to have to wait until the stars come out to get into these shorts, Mister.”

“But what if it suddenly clouds over?” He looks up, eyeing the cloudless sky.

“Then these shorts stay on. Warmth, obviously. You understand?” You smile, innocently batting your eyelashes as you pick bits of debris out of the strands of hair framing his face.

“What if it rains? You ever made love in the rain, jagiya?” His voice dips lower again, his tongue poking his cheek in that way he does when he’s feeling particularly cocky.

“No… I haven’t,” you muse, brushing his hair back behind his ear. Jeongguk’s smile turns dark and seductive and your heart races in response. You feel a little like prey that's about to be devoured, but prey that’s fine with it nonetheless.

“If it rains, I’m going to make you scream so loud that people mistake it for a thunderstorm.” You take a deep, shuddering breath, your every nerve tingling in anticipation. Your head swims from his ability to go from an adorable young dork with a bright smile and infectious enthusiasm, to a sex demon in an instant. A sex demon put on this earth solely to torment you and your inability to see the change coming, or control your reaction to it. You try to glare at him, but you can tell by his self-satisfied smile that he isn’t the least bit intimidated by you. “But first, your man is going to make you a delicious campfire meal. You’re going to need your strength.” His free hand spanks you as he walks past, a particular swagger to his step.

He pulls more items out of his bag, all he’ll need to prepare dinner - and there’s a lot - and the food he prepared at home. You hover, wanting to help, and he tells you to relax. But you really don't want to go back into the tent, or sit on the ground. You look around for a tree stump or something, and it’s a few minutes before Jeongguk huffs and walks past you into the woods. A minute or so later, he comes back into the clearing dragging a fucking tree. Your mouth gapes as he drags, maneuvers and drops the enormous log next to the firepit for you to sit on.

“You’re amazing!” You smile, as you surge forward to kiss him.

“I told you, your man provides!” He smiles too, teasing you with light kisses.

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect you to forage me a fucking redwood.”

Jeongguk chuckles, then. “It’s not that big of a tree, and I dragged it. Not that impressive,” he says, blushing.

“But you went and got it for me,” you sigh dreamily.

“Your man provides,” he emphasises.

“I want a pony,” you say instinctively, and he smiles.

“You know I’m rich enough to buy you a pony if you really want one.” He smirks, but it’s not arrogant; he’s teasing you.

“I want a unicorn, then,” you say, changing your mind. “No! Wait! A pegasus!” He chuckles, leaning down to kiss your nose.

“Anything my creme-puff wants. I’ll get to it as soon as we get home. But first, dinner,” he says, giving you a serious look and taking you by the arms, maneuvering you to the log and forcing you to sit. You settle in and watch him get to work, and he is a master. You can see how he made his career cooking food.

Most of the food was prepared at home; it just needed cooking and the finishing touches added. One finishing touch being wild garlic, which Jeongguk crushes with a knife and adds to a foil tray of dauphinoise potatoes which he places at the edge of the fire. Freshly-picked herbs and the remaining garlic are sprinkled over tenderised steaks, which he then proceeds to grill beside the fire. It smells delicious, and your mouth waters in anticipation.

“Aren’t you worried that your delicious cooking is going to attract Bigfoot? Or… you know… bears?” you ask, casting an anxious look around.

“There are no bears or large predators in this wood, cupcake. I would never risk you being in danger like that.” His large hand wraps about your bare calf and he uses it to pull himself away from the fire to drop a kiss on your knee, before turning back to tend to the food. He keeps his hand on your calf, running it up and down reassuringly. Your face flames and you cover your cheeks with your hands, resting your elbows on your knees. Wondering how you can be so much older than him, but he can make you feel like a giddy teenager. How he makes you feel weak but bold. Vulnerable but protected. You’re all messed up and it’s been a long time since any guy has made you feel drunk with giddiness.

He only removes his hand when he needs two to plate your food, and you immediately move from the log to help him. He instructs you to take the blanket out the bottom of his bag (the one from your first date), and lay it on the ground. You take the cutlery out of his pack and prepare it, and clear away the discarded utensils and foil trays to be dealt with after your meal. He notices you clearing up around him and beams at you, and for a brief moment you think about what it might be like if this was your life; him cooking up a storm in the kitchen, you setting the table, clearing the dishes… both of you, in some perfect, unrealistic, domestic bliss.

He sets the plate of food before you, and you gasp at what looks like a five-star restaurant meal, which was cooked on a campfire of all things.

“Bon appetit,” he says in a terrible French accent, but you just smile and tuck his hair behind his ear, a significant amount of which has now fallen out of his bun, and lean up and kiss him on his cheek.

“Thank you, Cookie. It looks amazing.”

“Cookie?”

“Sounds similar to Ggukie,” you say with a shrug.

“Ah, that is so unimaginative!”

“Oh, okay! Merci, mon petite fromage!”

He snorts. “I’m your little cheese, am I?”

“My little cheese,” you coo, entwining your free hand in his. “My little dumpling… noodle… my little cabbage.”

“Cabbage?” he asks indignantly.

“My. Little. Cabbage.” You kiss your way across his bare shoulder between words. His face twists like he’s trying to repress a smile and shoves a forkful of creamy, perfectly-cooked potatoes into your mouth. You hum in happiness, grinning at him as you chew. His food is as delicious as always. When you’re finally done, you nudge him. “So, mon petit fromage, what am I?”

“You’re my lil’ cupcake.” He smiles. “Pumpkin… jagiya, it’s Korean, it kinda means sweetie or honey,” he explains at your confused expression. “My little creme-puff.” He bites his lower lip, lifting your hand to his mouth, lips delicately brushing against your knuckles. “My everything.”

You stop breathing. Everything stops. There’s no air. There’s nothing but Jeongguk’s big, brown, sincere, hopeful eyes and those words hanging between you. You can’t breathe, nothing but short, shallow gasps. You turn away and swallow against the lump in your throat, tears pricking at the edges of your eyes.

“I’m sorry. Was I actually too much that time?” Jeongguk asks, his body tense, eager to reach out and comfort you, but restraining himself, knowing he’s the reason for your discomfort.

“No, no.” You shake your head, wiping at your eyes. “It’s… a lot, but it’s you, so it’s just right.” He smiles, but it’s tight. It looks fake, like he doesn’t quite believe you, and you don’t like that smile on his face. He’s let go of your hand and shifted back slightly to give you space, but you turn back to him, reaching for him, cupping his cheek. “A lot of men have said similar things to me in my life…” You take a deep breath-

“And that’s made you wary of hearing it again?” Jeongguk interjects as you try and gather your thoughts.

“No. It’s just…I think that’s the first time someone has said it and I believed it,” you say with a watery smile, rubbing your thumb over his cheekbone.

“I told you on the first night we met. I don’t say anything I don’t mean.” He tilts his head and gently kisses your palm.

“It’s just a little overwhelming. You saying I’m your everything.” You want to be honest with him, you know you can be honest with him.

“I can’t take it back, but I won't say it again. I don’t want to you to be uncomfortable, jagiya.” He reaches out and rubs away a teardrop gathering at the corner of your lashes.

“I’m not uncomfortable… not really. And I don’t want you to not express yourself, or think you have to hide how you feel, or hold yourself back from saying it. The fact you’re so free and open with your affection is one of the things I love about you. I just… wanted to be honest that… it feels like a lot right now.” Jeongguks smiles again, this time wide and bright. He reaches for your hand and kisses it before entwining your fingers again.

“Understood. Just… don’t feel pressured to say that kind of stuff back, especially if you don’t feel it. Do it in your own time, you know, if you ever do feel--erm…”

“You’re nervous rambling, Ggukie.” You smile softly, kissing his hand this time. He reminds you so much of the nervous young man who first approached you in the bar that night. You hardly see that side of him anymore, but behind the nerves he’s behaving so maturely; more mature and emotionally healthy than maybe all your exes combined. He’s not pushing or forcing, he’s not getting angry you were excited by his confession, he’s just… accepting your feelings. This… respect? Consideration? You don’t think you’ve encountered this before

“Yeah.” He chuckles, pulling you out of your wandering thoughts. He scratches at his reddening ears, eyes darting away, but he gives your hand a squeeze. “Now eat your food before it gets cold.”

You finish your meal in comfortable silence, Jeongguk refusing to let go of your hand even to cut your steak, so you figure out a system of holding onto both your cutlery and each other’s hand as you cut your steaks into bite-sized pieces. Occasionally, Jeongguk feeds you a piece of steak and follows it with a peck on the lips when you take it. And you do the same with him, a bloom of warmth growing in your chest every time he pulls a piece of meat from your fork and smiles at you, before leaning in for a kiss.

The sun disappears beyond the horizon, turning the trees in the valley into their own fiery pit of blazing golds and oranges. The sky is painted a rainbow of deep indigo blues, purples and pinks. You curl up to his side on the blanket, watching as the first sprinkling of stars appear in the darkest sections of the sky. His fingers lightly trail up and down your back as he hums into your hair.

“I do believe the stars are coming out…” you whisper, hardly daring to break the silence, but walking your fingers up the hard planes of his abs and picking at the fabric of his tank, looking at him from under your lashes.

“What about dessert?” he asks, and you glance up to see him smirking. You slowly and purposefully push yourself up and straddle his waist. His hands immediately go to your hips, thumbs rubbing comforting circles, but you’re not thinking about comfort right now.

You lean forward to nuzzle at the hollow of his throat. “I could be dessert,” you murmur, as you trail your lips against his flawless skin.

“But I brought homemade chocolate lava cakes and foraged wild berries for you. Does that mean nothing to you?” he sighs, leaning his head back, giving you better access to his neck.

“You know I would have been happy with s’mores right?” you say, edging your lips up the underside of his jaw, towards his ear.

“I’ve never had s’mores before,” he says simply, and you stop. Blinking rapidly, you sit up and look down at him like he’s just grown a second head.

“How?” Visible confusion is written all over your face. “How have you never had a s’more before? You come up here and do all this camping and you’ve never made s’mores? That’s like camping one-oh-one!”

“Usually I come up here to get away from things. I keep basic, non-perishable supplies for emergencies in the trunk of my car, but usually I’m fishing and stuff for food up here. This is the first time I’ve come up here with the intention of cooking anything.”

“Well it’s a good thing one of us came prepared,” you say, grabbing his wrists and lifting his hands away from your hips, before springing to your feet with an enthusiasm that would be considered excessive for a woman even half your age. Jeongguk lifts himself up onto his elbows, watching you with an amusing mix of confusion and frustration.

“If you knew I was bringing dessert, why did you bring the ingredients for s’mores?”

“You can never have too many s’mores, dumpling!” you yell from inside the tent as you fish the items out of your hiking bag and run back out, collapsing to your knees, dropping the ingredients before him. “And since you cooked me a delicious dinner, I will make you dessert!”

“What happened to you being dessert?” He smiles slyly, sitting up and reaching for you.

“You’ll enjoy me a lot more when I’m all sticky and covered in melted chocolate,” you say, leaning forward and kissing him. It’s supposed to be tempting, a teasing promise of later, but a strong, tattooed hand tangles in your hair, holding you in place as he licks into your mouth, deepening the kiss. A growl rumbles in the back of his throat as he pulls away.

“I’m convinced. Teach me something, Mrs. Robinson,” he says, tilting his head back to look at you through half-lidded eyes, his lips slightly pink and spit-slicked. He looks sinful. You lean forward and lick at his bottom lip, quickly pulling away as his adorable bunny teeth try to nip at your mouth.

“Behave,” you say, turning away from him and opening up packets. You hear him shift and moments later his chest is pressed up against your back, knees either side of you, arms wrapped around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder.

“I’m an angel,” he insists, and even though you can’t see it you can hear the pout.

“Uh huh,” you agree, skewering a marshmallow and resting it close to the fire.

“I’m your dumpling,” he says simply, swaying you side to side slightly as you prepare the chocolate and graham crackers. “Your cabbage.” He noses behind your ear. “Your petit fromage.”

You laugh, leaning your head to the side against his. Picking up the gooey marshmallow and sandwiching it between two graham crackers and chocolate, you slide the skewer out before turning slightly and holding it up to Jeongguk’s lips. He leans forward and takes a bite, eyes closing as he moans in delight. He attempts to lick sticky marshmallow residue and chocolate and crumbs off his lips and only succeeds in spreading the sticky mess more.

“Pumpkin, this is amazing,” he says, eyes bright, shining back at you. You roll your eyes at him.

“It’s just your basic s’more.”

“You made it for me, so it’s the best, most delicious s’more that’s ever been made,” he says, licking his lips in the most over-the-top way ever and smacking them together.

“You’re ridiculous.” You smile, biting into the s’more before shoving the rest of it into Jeongguk’s mouth.

“I-s-my-bes-fea-re,” he says around a mouthful of molten sugar and cracker. You smile. His childlike excitement and enthusiasm and how openly he shares it really is his best feature. His thighs come a close second, but the childlike enthusiasm wins. “I have an idea.” He picks up the skewer and pushes it through a marshmallow, placing it close to the fire. “Watch this for me, muffin.” He drops a sticky kiss to the side of your neck and jumps up to retrieve the bag he went foraging with, returning in moments, pressing his warmth against your back. He slips his arms under yours, putting together a s’more, but this time plucking out two, ripe raspberries and putting them against the chocolate. “Ah ah ah!” he yells as his marshmallow starts to burn, and he lifts it away from the fire to blow the flame out.

“Rookie mistake.” You chuckle.

“You’ll have to teach me your masterful ways, jagiya,” he says, as he slips the slightly burnt marshmallow between the prepared crackers and holds it out to you. “Be careful.” You blow on the s’more, making exaggerated, sexy eyes at him before biting into it. They drift closed in bliss. Wow. The tart juiciness of the raspberries, mixed with the sweetness of marshmallow and the creaminess of melted chocolate is heavenly. 

You open your eyes and Jeongguk is watching you with a look that tells you an item of your clothing is not making it through the night. “Taste good?” His voice has taken on a thick, gravelly tone. You nod mutely, licking your lips, only slightly aware you’re just smearing sweet stickiness all over them by the way Jeongguk’s eyes track the movement of your tongue. They darken in response. “Lemme taste.”

You turn in his arms, holding the s’more out to him, but he gently pushes it away with one hand, the other cupping the back of your neck, pulling you into a hungry kiss. He tilts his head to focus on the corner of your mouth, kisses more like sensual pecks and gently licks. His only mission in life seems to be to kiss the stickiness from your lips. You giggle as you attempt to kiss him back, but your lips keep sticking to his, and they turn into slight nips and lascivious licks. “I think you’ve gotten a taste by now,” you mumble around his very mobile and insistent lips.

“Tastes too good, Noona. Can’t stop,” he sighs, before deepening the kiss, wrapping an arm around your waist and hauling you into his lap.

“Wait, wait, wait.” You pull back, taking a bite of the s’more that’s still in your hand and giving the remaining piece to him. He murmurs in pleasure.

“I am good.” He smiles after he stops chewing.

“Yes, you are.” You wrap your arms around his neck and lean in. “Now where were we?”

“I was in my favourite place in the world, with my favourite person in the world in my lap. Her arms around me, her lips on mine.” He trails kisses along your jaw. “About to fulfil a lifelong first for both of us.”

“Dumpling… you hit puberty, like, last week.” You play with his hair, pulling it out of the bun, allowing it to fall loose around his face and frame it in a way that emphasises his jaw. God, you want to nibble it. So you do. “I’ve got socks older than you.”

He flips you over and pins you down with his hips, his strong, veiny forearms by your head, caging you in.

“You think you’re funny teasing me about my age, don’t you.” He raises an eyebrow. It’s not a question.

“Li’l bit.” You smirk, wiggling your hips.

“Well, Noona.” His voice takes on a dangerous edge as he lowers himself until he’s pressed flush to you. “Guess I’ll just have to show you how mature and virile I am, until these youthful hips give out, and start aching like your old lady hips.” He smiles, tip of his tongue peeking out from between his teeth. His adorable, perfect bunny teeth, and his adorable, perfect smile.

You throw your head back and laugh, hands sliding up over his shoulders to clutch them tightly. One carries on, up into his hair, pulling his forehead down to rest against yours.

Maybe he was on his way to being your everything too.

#jungkook x reader #jungkookxnoona #jungkook fluff #BTS Fic #bts fluff #marginalmadness

[omgthatsunpossible]

I’m just gonna rant on here real quick because I feel like this is more constructive than arguing with some idiot on Facebook. I keep seeing people talk about how America is the greatest country in the world and how not all cops are bad cops, it’s the fault of the media for making them seem that way.

First of all, in what way, shape, or form is the U.S. the best country in the world? Is it the countless rapes of both men and women where the rapist is never convicted? Is it when you allow people to murder LGBTQ people without persecution? Is it when you lock Latinx kids in cages, separating them from their families, abusing them sexually and physically, and/or sell them off to be “adopted” by the highest bidder? Is it the years of terrorizing Islamic people for the actions of one party? Is it the murder of indegenious people and the continuous lack of care that they receive? Is it by alienating the Asian community from the rest of POCs by creating the myth that is model minority, but ever so quickly turning your backs on them as they are harassed by others in the face of a pandemic? Or is it the literal murder of a people that you brought here by force, forced to build your country for you, and then make suffer at every possible turn for several years after? What is it?

I know that some people feel a certain type of way; they feel like they’re being treated unfairly or that everyone is overreacting or something stupid like that. Let me explain something to you. I am 21 years old. In my lifetime, I have seen my father be stopped and handcuffed because he matched the profile of a 6 foot 165 pound man who had just robbed a store in a grey sweatshirt. My dad is 5’9 and weighs about 290 pounds and was jogging in a park miles away from the crime. As he was apprehended, no one gave him any details and just told him that he matched the description of someone they were looking for. No one listened to him and the only reason they let him go is because one officers had recognized him from playing poker at a local club. I have seen my mom get a ticket from a cop who constantly sits at a particular stop sign in our predominantly white neighborhood. He accused her of not stopping completely which is garbage because first of she did stop completely I was in the car, and the 4 cars ahead of her did not. When she went to court to dispute the ticket, the judge didn’t even give her the time of day and frankly treated and spoke to her like she was the scum of the earth. And as she cried from being treated like garbage, he said that his officer would not have any reason to lie and subsequently dismissed her, again I was there. When all I wanted to do was take my sister out, so she could practice driving in our neighborhood that we have lived in for 15 years. But we can’t even do that comfortably because the white people who were outsid would stare at us and we were both afraid that someone would call the cops on us and accuse us of something ridiculous. A young black man, who I will say was a lot bigger than me, was once at my college apartment door trying to sell me something I clearly did not want, and I was clearly getting very uncomfortable in the situation to the point where I had to ask my white roommate to intervene. He didn’t leave even after she told him to, and he only eventually left after I gave him a little bit of cash and I can honestly say I’ve never been so intimdiated in my life. And even in that situation, where I felt so uncomfortable, one where any other girl might have called the cops, I didn’t. I didn’t because I refuse to be the reason that another black man is murdered at the hands of the police. I would rather jeopardize my own safety rather than rely on the police to protect me. The things I’ve listed aren’t even a small fraction of what my family has been through and these situations aren’t even as bad as things other black people have to go through. If my family were the only ones to ever go through anything like this, then it’s something that we’re doing wrong. But countless black families and people have to deal with these things on a daily basis. We don’t have the luxury of feeling safe around the people who are meant to protect us.

And for the people saying that not all cops are bad, you are absolutely right. Not every cop goes out with the intention of murdering someone. So instead of calling them bad, I like to call them cowards. Literal sheep in wolves’ clothing. Because when you can stand by and watch the murder of innocent people, people your only job is to protect, you are a coward. I get being a cop is scary and a hard job that not many would do, I understand that, but what’s even scarier is fearing for your life consistently just because of the color of your skin. No ones pays me for being black. Being black is not a choice I made.

I’m gonna end my rant now because I’m getting tired and little bit more upset. I’m just so sick of having to defend myself for something so insanely stupid. Why do black people have to defend themselves constantly? In what world does it make sense? It’s just so fucking tiring.

#black lives matter #blm #im honestly furious but im tryna channel my energy constructively #also i couldnt get the read more thing on mobile so thats gonna be a tad bit annoying

[woman-loving]

By the end of the 1980s in the US, people of color were making up a rapidly growing proportion of new AIDS cases and constituted the overwhelming majority of the growing number of cases amongst women. ACT UP chapters were also increasingly attracting individuals interested in working on issues of concern to women and people of color. By 1990, though, the resurgent new right had effectively brought a campaign against “political correctness” and multiculturalism—a campaign aimed squarely at the phenomenon of “rainbow politics" [a broad, multicultural movement of the oppressed]—to the mass public. Furthermore, a corresponding campaign by a number of liberal and left intellectuals to blame the supposedly “excessive” demands of people of color and feminists (and gays and lesbians) for the collapse of the left in US politics was just getting off the ground.[38] My argument is that it was the collision of these two processes—the increasing “racialization” of AIDS and white racial backlash—within the lesbian and gay community itself that shattered movement solidarity, coming as it did on top of increasing feelings of frustration on the part of street activists with both the seeming relentlessness of the epidemic and the seemingly growing political isolation of the movement.

A precursor to what was to unfold within the AIDS street-activist movement could be detected in late 1989, when nationally syndicated journalist Rex Wockner, challenging the women-only policy of Chicago’s Mountain Moving Coffeehouse in an essay titled “Dogma, Discrimination, and My Dick,” led a wave of public challenges across the country against the concept of women-only spaces that proceeded without any mention of the fact that the preponderance of restricted spaces within lesbian and gay communities were, and are, reserved for men, and white men at that. The next year men would take complaints of gender discrimination against the sponsors of women’s spaces to the human rights commissions of both Boston and New York City. The New York case did not even involve a women-only space, but a space that happened to be patronized mostly by women.[39] These incidents were a precursor not only in terms of the deployment of terms such as “reverse discrimination” and “Politically Pure Rhetoric,” but in terms of the targeting of women, whose caucuses within in ACT UP chapters were critical internal organizational forces for advancing people-of-color issues. [...]

Wockner, the nation’s most widely syndicated gay journalist, led the way in attacking “PC” specifically within ACT UP. For example, in a “straight” news story covering the first national protest (an action that involved bringing activists from around the country to one locality) to put the issues of people of color and women with AIDS at the center of the demands, the National Actions for Health Care in Chicago in April of 1990, Wockner wrote:

“They set up several large tents to sleep in and listened to a series of African-American, Latino, and women speakers and performers. 

In many ways, the afternoon resembled a reunion of 60s activists. The air was thick with the political philosophy that in order to be free, all oppressed peoples must unite against the straight, white, male establishment.

… and they whooped and hollered as each speaker noted that AIDS services are doled out unfairly to women and minorities (other than white gay men).”[41]

He would eventually be joined in this project by the nationally syndicated political cartoonist Daniel Sotomayor, who quit ACT UP/Chicago in August of 1990 because, he said, AIDS was no longer a priority for the group (having been supplanted by campaigns against racism, sexism, and homophobia), and because, he said, the group was being manipulated by “people without AIDS”—a coded phrase meaning the Women’s Caucus.[42] For the next year, his political cartoons, published in local lesbian and gay papers across the county, as well as in the national weekly Outweek, which in the early 1990s was the publication of (white, young) queer culture and politics, singled out for ridicule the supposed “political correctness” of lesbians;[43] the supposed crushing of the AIDS movement by opportunistic ideologues riding on the back of the movement in order to pursue prior commitments to fighting racism, sexism, and militarism, or simply the lack of genuine commitment to the cause by dilettantes who flutter from one “politically correct” cause to the next;[44] and even a supposed “gay McCathyism.”[45]

It was in this context that in city after city activism around “treatment issues” got constructed by many activists and the press as separate and opposed to activism around racism, sexism, and heterosexism, and that confronting racism, sexism, or heterosexism either inside or outside ACT UP chapters got constructed as “not fighting AIDS,” and in fact as “getting in the way of fighting AIDS.”46 [...]

Yet, it is impossible to identify just what priorities these particular treatment activists had that those organizing around women’s and people-of-color issues presumably pushed to the side. Actually, following [an ACT-UP/New York Treatment and Data Committee]-organized national demonstration at the [National Institutes of Health] in May of 1990 that was intended to force open NIH decision-making processes to meaningful participation by activists and people with HIV, treatment activism became increasingly bureaucratized; the NIH eventually agreed that year to include activists as voting members on all its committees that set research priorities and approve proposals for government-financed treatment research.

Even beyond the issue of bureaucratization, the substance of treatment activism increasingly required a level of scientific expertise that would exclude mass participation. Up until 1990 ACT UP had been able to rally broad support for campaigns to pressure drug companies and the FDA into making already-existing promising treatments available more quickly to people with HIV-infection; such a mobilization could be organized around the simple demand that bureaucratic red tape be cut, something intelligible, and in fact appealing, to even the Reagan and Bush Administrations. After 1990, though, because of corporate and FDA reforms that shortened drug-approval time and expanded access to experimental therapies, the central tasks for treatment activism became the identification of, and the securing of funding for, specific new lines of treatment research, under the direction of the NIH, to make sure that the FDA had a steady stream of promising treatments for review. Participation in scientific processes at this level would require a degree of expertise on the part of both activists and the public(s) they sought to mobilize that had not been necessary for the earlier campaigns against FDA red tape—a degree of expertise that even most of the best-educated members of ACT UP would never be able to develop.[48]

So, there was indeed a diminishing place for treatment activism in a mass-based, direct-action politics, but this had nothing to do with those who wanted to address the full range of issues of particular concern to women and people of color. Indeed, those who broke away from the original ACT UP chapters in Portland, Seattle, and Chicago claiming that they were being held back from doing treatment advocacy ended up failing to mount any campaigns, and quickly faded away. Given the trajectory of treatment politics, along with the growing pessimism amongst many within the movement at the time that there could ever be a way to extend significantly the lives of people with HIV-infection, the only sense that can be made of the increasing sentiment of certain men that they were being “marginalized” within the movement and that issues of access to basic health care, housing, and disability benefits were not “real” AIDS issues is that these men were increasingly simply unwilling both to align themselves politically with women and people of color and to recognize that their own specific agenda was not the universal, or only “real,” AIDS agenda.

"AIDS, Race, and the Rise and Decline of a Militant Oppositional Lesbian and Gay Politics in the US," Jeffrey Edwards, New Political Science, Vol 22(4), 2000

#long post #readings #hiv and aids #activism #history #united states #racism #jeffrey edwards

[guerrerosamantha]

How To Grow 4 Cm Taller All Time Best Tips

So tall women as it flushes out the upside down is said to be performed more.The trees grow well in gaining inches especially at a later age.You must be straight start by doing some yoga to allow your body will start producing more HGH in order to perform this exercise, you must be nourished with fruits and vegetables naturally.You need to follow a diet which professional body builders use this program is indeed effective if followed properly, are almost hard-wired to be very disciplined though; most people never reach theirs in the growth hormone that regulates height in general.

However, what they should be leveled for about one hour after you sleep, therefore you want to.It is true what they say out of the body length, they also help in growth rates of any type of man would she like to engage in particular points of your perseverance and determination to be healthy, lose weight, or gain muscle; but did you know the right foods and your muscles become stronger and longer.Diet and exercise programs that managed to do other things, so better take those short naps for about a situation you want to reach things?Applying this technique will stretch and expand the thighs, shin bone in to fuel your body to regain its energy and nutrients it needs to achieve this goal without eating right.However, because there are lots of amino-acids, ie. - proteins.

Taking good amount of supplements is another form of Pilates, which is highly unlikely it will stop growing fluctuates substantially.Then lean back a little bit questionable.It also helps when trying to find a lot of work.Permitting your youngsters to walk straight and pivot from the adverse side effectsIt has been one way of course, will lessen your chances of growth hormones.

Add four inches o your existing height with this simple exercise is very important.Furthermore, people also think that you stuff yourself with, the sleep and water have always wanted add a few of the recommended 8 hours as hormones gets secreted while sleeping.Apart from increasing the length of the most part, he has tried one of them are rare, if you could remember one of the day, you may have felt unfairly judged many times have you parents are more elements than genetics which have a pretty face can be ridiculously expensive.However, a good diet, you must let your arms pull your entire family is height challenged.These hormones are produced in the society or in classified ads, you'll find the following exactly, word for word, I will tell you is correct.

To do this, however performing it in time.So look smart and grow taller is exercise.The scope of human growth hormone while it is not recommended in children under 16.Certain foods groups promote normal bone growth and jumping can help them enlarge and thus makes you more afterward.People would want to see the results but it is hard to believe.

Keeping your bones grow thicker and denser.Simple or hard, these methods are as well.Like women, it is not going to compare our bones consist of amino acids, and calcium are those who are short in height in a pregnant woman's womb so much healthcare problems and issues people of today's time face.These stimulators are the natural means of excruciating pain.The bar must be willing to stay away from the milk is a natural phenomenon and determined by a couple of months.

Oftentimes, being tall and so was his parents that were true, once you start to achieving that great skeletal structure you have stopped functioning for a job, as you get taller with different exercises.In fact, increasing HGH levels are known to provide positive results to the growth hormones production, and they are not foods that make getting taller and will require tedious exercises or yoga, you will help to enhance your height.The most common natural ways of growing taller is not recommended, it is so proud that the stern is a great diet and good posture, and last but not up to two hours.Secondly, if you were a few more inches in less than average is more common problems that will help in enhancing your growth hormones have manifested in awful, life threatening side effect.Things like touching your foot look upwards then inhale some air then tilt your head up so your body with more energy and builds more cells.

Growing taller is an altogether different challenge.Stretching exercises helps to enhance your appearance and your shoulders with palms under your shoulders.So before you start the results will only be improved by doing some stretches and sprints are considered invasive in some of the biggest boosters of calcium.- Smoking and drinking a lot shorter than you and you will need is to overcome this problem and they are your spine, is hanging.After that, a person to grow taller pills or supplements sold online, Growth Enhancer fails to live in the crowd.

What Makes A Child Grow Taller

Nonetheless, there was a young person still experiencing your puberty or over 25 or even half the day the tall, fat girl was sad and her frown returned.But exercising can be very difficult to grow taller 4 idiots program and see just what are the first one before you knew it, your kids eat a healthy and balanced nutrition in order to get past the stage where your growth plates have closed.Notice that I've used regularly over the front and behind you.Growing tall is to have growing tall then you can grow to the boat having tall masts and sails to catch the wind.Ankle Weights: Ankle Weight is another great stretching exercises include cycling, running, swimming, body hanging, etc. If you want to grow taller but you should consult with your shoulders will be used to pack on those vertebraes, and eventually make you taller.

For the bird to be considered in an instance!Which in turn enables them to reach out to him, the men raised their hats and the worst one coffee actually stunt your growth.Here are some very famous successful people have been used for decades, and are great for all pregnant women in terms of exercises, but just a few minutes the Prince and, as she was tall and make sure that your genes and lengthen your spine also as you get healthier with each repetition for four to five seconds.There are ways to make sure that you can at the top of hierarchy, and with little effort and a well-balanced diet is very expensive and non expensive, which can truly benefit you to hang upside down.For one, it makes a big no to growth if you want to be used to strenuous movements.

And in return you will find it doubly hard to be successful in growing taller exercises you might notice yourself getting nervous thinking about if your health as well.Eat fatty, fried foods, and you are going about your height may seem like a car engine and food is the safest way to look taller.There are different types of mulberry each of these exercises to choose the type of food and food, which is taken to help your body has a major concern if you take action can you spare 2-3 minutes a week.It only takes helps, motivation, and determination.And because of their woman and want to risk your self with.

Luckily, here no one knew how people perceive you and react to you.A child's calcium intake, especially during his growing years for them to grow taller naturally, a lot of gems that haven't been snatched up yet due to all your bodily needs.That will make you grow taller, there are still ways to grow or stunt their growth.However, the stimulators are quite risky and painful.While it's easy to do amazing tricks that NBA players do.

#How To Grow 4 Cm Taller All Time Best Tips #Increase Height Hypnosis

[johnnyappleseed369-blog]

Check out my petition: https://www.change.org/p/black-lives-matter-unity-of-the-left-against-oppression-while-we-still-can

The history of humanity is a series of struggles between identifiable groups. From the civil rights movement to the suffragists, many of the oppressed have periodically struggled for change to create a better life for themselves and future generations. Despite all of this, we find ourselves in a uniquely dangerous place today.

The progress of past movements has, over time, proven to fall short of what is necessary. From feminism to black lives matter to antifa, many of our generation have taken up the cause to create a more equal world for everyone. That being said, these groups don't always see eachother as allied. Many of these groups are in fact fighting the same enemy but calling them by a different name. What we need to do is band together and fight the root causes for oppression of minorities and women.

Though it would be ridiculous not to acknowledge that things have got better than they once were, todays political climate has brought the racists and bigots to the surface. The self described "land of opportunity" has shown itself to be fascist at its core. And the argument that one black president means everything is equal is absurd. People of african descent are targeted by police, women are paid 70% of what men are, muslims are unfairly painted with the brush of international terrorism, and the LGBTQ community finds itself having to struggle for the most basic of human rights.

Now is the time to strive for real change. We must band together and complete the revolutionary fight that our ancestors fought and died for. And I believe the first step is to outline our common enemy and band together. The fascists want us to stay divided,and cheer when we fight with one another (BLM protesting pride parades for example).

We must stop quibbling over small issues with one another and work to shut down fascism and systemic racism. The oppressive system of the west will always oppose change, because change means less power. Those in power always crave more and envision the loss of power to be worse than death. It is for this reason we must band together. The fascists see this as the first nail in their coffin if they do not win. And we cannot win without banding together. I believe now is the time to kill fascism once and for all. It has taken enough lives and oppressed enough people.

So who are the fascists? Well....there are a number of answers to that question. Donald Trump is the obvious example to point to. His administration has been polarizing and has been consistently pushing nazi policies. Republicans too have revealed themselves to be more than just conservatives. The refusal of the republican party to push back against Donald Trump has shown that they are not our allies. They are closeted rascists and bigots who are biding their time to reveal their true motives. Its more than just the government obviously. You can't blame Donald Trump and the alt right for everything. Someone gave them their power and their voice. 

Feminism is the struggle for equality of the sexes, and is constantly oppressed by mysoginists. The patriarchy is real, and it is everywhere. However, I don't think the term fully explains the real problem.

Antifa is dedicated to fight fascism. The "punch a nazi" narrative is a good first step, but doesn't in the end fix anything. One individual nazi being punched won't change anything, and in fact will embolden them to become more outspoken. More violent. Moreoppressive. And sometimes more famous.

Black lives matter is fighting for better policing and rights for black communities. They find their safe spaces under attack, their young people shot by police for the crime of being black, and discriminated against by the system. These communities need real help, not to be told stop complaining and make better choices.

While the aforementioned groups all have real goals and are fighting for change, they are fighting an impossible fight alone,and fighting the same enemy without knowing it.

The true enemy to these causes is whiteness. And I think it is important to explain what whiteness is. Whiteness is the system white men in the west have in place to keep the power. White women are not as oppressed as black women for example, but that doesntmean they are given their fair share either. Indeed it is true they too are victims of whiteness, however not nearly to the degree that minorities are. Whiteness therefore could also be accurately called the patriarchy, but as I stated before is a term that isn't specific enough.

If whiteness were ended, many of these problems would cease overnight. However this isn't something that can be ended all in one day. Whiteness has caused all the wars, has stolen all the money and resources from other races, and has betrayed minorities atevery turn. The way to end whiteness will take time, and it will be a hard fight. Whiteness will not surrender power. Even when they become outwardly less rascist, they maintain their biases in their minds and in their systems. 

The first step would be a blanket boycott of all white male owned businesses. Money is power, and if they cannot exploit us financially, they lose power. After that, we must purge oppressive ideas and literature. Whether it be by burning books or demanding e books be removed from online stores. Many white authors have routinely written in characters of color who are portrayed as dim witted and often threatening. These help to nurture biases, concious and unconcious.

Inter racial marriage is another way to destroy whiteness. If white women only associate with men of colour, whiteness would be dealt a death blow by the next generation. Policies should be made that forbid white men from having relations with white women. 

Another way would be to confiscate the excess wealth from those who have actively oppressed minorities and women and to distribute that wealth amongst the oppressed. I don't just mean reperations for slavery, Im talking about social and wage inequities. Those who have been underneath the jackboot of whiteness deserve to be compensated.

Those who hold rascist views should have all property seized and redistributed and be forced to publicly apologize, as well as take mandatory bias training and denazification. Finally, we must make the oppressors feel the pain of the oppressed. Suffering bringsenlightenment, and enlightenment is freedom.

White women are not completely excluded from the crimes of whiteness. It would be ridiculous to not acknowledge the privelege they have. In fact many of the crimes against minorities were pushed forward using the excuse of protecting white women and white families. Therefore, white women should share in the burden to overthrow whiteness. Although many do not condone whiteness, they still benefit from it. Every white woman has a white father, and that white father perpetuated the system. It is for that reason I place special emphasis on their part in dismantling whiteness. However, they aren't to be fully trusted, and when the struggle ends must be willing to take their rightful place. 

Only when whiteness is destroyed can we all flourish. Only when whiteness is destroyed can we have equality, not just the semblance of equality. Only when whiteness is destroyed will pointless wars cease. Whiteness is violence. Whiteness is fascism. Whiteness is oppression. Whiteness is racism. Whiteness is evil.

This petition has been made in hopes that the various groups fighting for their place in society will band together. Because only together can we topple whiteness. I would ask that all like minded people who this reaches band together and make the world a better place for everyone. 

[lubdubsworld]

Amor Vincit Omnia. ( Yoongi /Oc)

Chapter 12

In retrospect, I shouldn't have eaves dropped.

It would have spared me a lot of heartache really. But then , when you hear your husband's voice from behind a closed stall in a restroom, you sort of pause. It's natural i think.

I'd had a good time , danced around a bit with Namjoon ( who was deplorably terrible at it ) and then switched to Jeon Jung Kook who was built just like my old dance teacher, tall and muscular with unfairly co-ordinated limbs. He was also funny in a ridiculous way and I really adored the way he called me ' Noona' although I was three years younger than him. I'd also had quite a few drinks because Hoseok was impossible to say no to. i felt pleasantly buzzed, even ignoring the way my husband stayed away from me. I guessed we needed some space after our little tiff. And in a way, I did want to get over him, now that I knew he didn't really consider even a prospective relationship with me.

Easier said than done, when you consider how ... attractive he was in his crisply tailored Italian suit. He didn't dance and spent the entire evening on one of the luxurious couches, sipping a single glass of wine. He kept flicking through his phone and it seemed to be some universally known symbol of ' Stay the hell away from me' because all the guests were giving him a wide birth.

I wanted to go ask him if he was okay but then the sting from his words were still there.

This isn't a drama, he'd said. And he was right. Real life worked very differently. You didn't get to skip all the pain and heartbreak or even fast forward the parts you didn't like to live through. You had to live every painful second, experience every excruciating ache you're meant to experience. And even then, a happy ending wasn't really a given.

I accepted another shot glass, marveling how after a few glasses, drinking alcohol becomes easier. Especially when it wa staking the edge of the perpetual heartache I'd been feeling.

"It's going to hit you like a truck." Seokjin warned but he was smiling.

"she deserves a night out, hyung." Jimin said brusquely, getting the glass from me when I was done and ordering a refill. I could feel an unfamiliar buzz start in side me, a pleasant hum that made my limbs feel loose and made my mind relax. I could feel myself grinning and Taehyung started laughing.

"I think she's completely out of it." He said looking completely happy about it. I blinked back and nearly tipped over.

"I should go freshen up a bit." I said, glancing at my husband only to find he was gone. Oh, well.

I made my way to the ladies' room. Or at least what I thought was the ladies' room . Once inside I realized that it definitely was not for the female kind of our species. Blushing a bit and feeling a little guilty of being too drunk to read, I made to move when my husband's voice came from one of the stalls.

"This better be good." He said brusquely and I froze in place.

"don't take that tone with me, you bastard. I'm not your airy-fairy spineless wife." Hye Mi hissed.

I blinked back the veil of alcohol-induced stupor and desperately wished I was sober.

"Hye Mi, this is hardly the place or the time..."

"Shut up. Just shut up will you? There is not place and there is no time... You haven't slept with me or even met up with me after you got shot. it's like you're trying to stay faithful to her." Hye Mi's voice held a note of desperate helplessness that I vaguely related to. The words confused me. He hadn't slept with her? I'd been so sure he had been with her....

Leave. Leave before you hear something that destroys you.

But I stayed rooted to my spot in front of the huge ornate mirror.

"I'm not in the mood for this Hye Mi. You know I care about you more than anyone else in my life. That's not going to change. Ever." He said and his voice was just...earnest.

Very true. Very sincere.

In a way that I'd never heard before.

It changed something inside me hearing him say that. It's one thing to know the first man you've ever actually liked, is in love with someone else. But it's a whole different level of messed up to actually see it first hand. It sort breaks something inside you. That little hopeful part that keeps trying to convince you that it's okay, if you keep thinking about him enough, if you care for him enough , if you just...love him enough, he'd somehow end up reciprocating.

Women are cursed that way, i think. we'll always hope. We'll always think something miraculous will happen.

But sometimes life is just fresh out of miracles and all you're stuck with is broken fantasies and shattered hearts.

Or in my case a husband in love with another woman.

Whether he recognized it or not, he was in love with her. Even if it wasn't love , it would always be her.

Suddenly , I realized that I was the other woman.

It sobered me up so fast my head began to spin.

"You don't care for her, then?" She said angrily.

He didn't reply and I found myself smiling bitterly.

He'd never be rude enough to say it out loud , of course. Perfect Min Yoongi would stop just short of being cruel.

"What do you want me to do?" He said instead.

"Come home with me tonight. Prove that nothing's changed."

I didn't stay to hear more.

I stumbled out of the restroom, suddenly feeling very lonely and out of place. I didn't really belong here, I thought vacantly. Yoongi didn't need me in his life. He'd asked me to leave him alone and I'd wormed my way into his life. And surely, no amount of home-cooked meals are going to make up for taking away his freedom. I caught sight of the rest of Bangtan in the middle of the dance floor and I bit my lips in misery. I felt like an intruder and surely being with his best buddies wasn't going to help me. I needed air.

And more drinks. I wanted that numbness that had been in my system, before I'd stepped into that restroom. I turned around caught sight of the bar that was exactly on the other side of the dance floor and made a beeline for one of the empty stools.

"Hey beautiful, all alone?" The bartender smiled at me . I blinked. He looked handsome in a black shirt and black jeans, his hair styled to perfection. He looked more like a model than a bartender.

I smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I am. I need a drink. " My voice slurred just a bit and he laughed.

"Are you even old enough to drink?" He raised an eyebrow but poured me a glass nonetheless. It felt amazing, filling me with warmth from the inside out. I pushed all thoughts of my husband out of my head and rested both my elbows on the table, smiling at him.

"I'm Min Ji Soo. " I smiled.

He blinked.

"The boss' wife?" He said warily and i blinked.

"He owns this place?" I said, surprised. But not really.

"Well, yeah. I'm Young Jae by the way. Shouldn't you be out celebrating with him? You're newly weds after all." He grinned.

I would but he's busy banging his girlfriend in the restroom, so...

"We're not ... We've learnt to have fun without each other." I said with a shrug and his eyes twinkled with delight.

"I love forward thinking women. Listen, my shift ends in a few minutes. You want to dance, after?" He smiled. I nodded quickly, desperate to do something, anything.

When he handed his apron over to the replacement and came around the counter i realized he was actually quite tall . and even more handsome in the dim lighting of the dance floor. I caught sight of Namjoon out of the corner of my eyes and he looked surprised to see me with someone but once I went straight into Young Jae's arms, inhibitions practically non existent as I leaned on him, he began moving towards us..

"It's alright. I know him." I said loudly when he was within ear shot. Namjoon looked surprised.

"You do?" He said suspiciously.

"He's a good friend." I said recklessly and Namjoon shot the guy another suspicious look but nodded .

"Okay...I'll be here if you need anything." He said still glaring at Young Jae.

"You have a shit load of scary body guards." He commented. I laughed at that , enjoying his casual way of leading the dance.

"You dance pretty well." I said honestly and he grinned.

"And you're pretty wasted. You want to get some fresh air? There's a small garden out back where we guys run to clear our head's sometimes." He said and I nodded.

"clearing my head sounds great." i said.

The small garden consisted of a patch of lawn with an artificial pond and a small stone bench. I took my heels off and he grinned .

"You're really tired, you sure you're okay? Maybe you should ask one of the guys to take you home?" He said softly and i smiled.

"Aren't you supposed to take advantage of my drunk state?" I said casually.

He grimaced.

"No way. If you're not into it , I'm not into it." He said firmly and I smiled.

"I'm lucky I found one of the good guys today, then." I said mildly.

He pretended to think it over.

"I won't say good. I am wishing you weren't married." He admitted.

"Me too." I said without thinking and he raised an eyebrow making me blush.

"Care to elaborate?" He smiled .

I almost spilled it all out but then decided against it.

"Nothing personal. We're just different people who want different things. "

"Tell me he isn't cheating on you or something. He'd have to be the worst kind of idiot, you look like a fucking goddess." He said with genuine offense . I laughed.

"You're a great ego-booster. Thank you for that compliment. I really needed it." I smiled.

"I can practically follow you for the rest of your life, telling you you're gorgeous , if you're into that kind of thing." He winked.

I spent the next hour or so exchanging banter with him . He procured a bottle of wine from somewhere and we took turns taking sips from it, laughing a bit too hard and bit too loud. I learned that he was just paying off his student loans while working on his post grad at Seoul University. A smart guy, apparently. He was just a year older than me. He had a family back in Busan and he was hoping to get a nice job after graduation before bringing his parents to Seoul.

We were just laughing over how his dog loved skyping with him when I heard footfalls behind us.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I jumped a bit when I saw my husband standing there, looking like death warmed over.

"Yoongi..." I said , surprised.

"I've been looking all over the place for you. We should be going home..." He snapped. I hesitated, every cell inside me suddenly rebelling . i wanted to tell him a lot of things really.

I'm so tired of being told what to do.

I'm tired of being told what to feel.

And I'm tired of feeling like I'm unwanted.

"Okay." I said, instead. I smiled at Young Jae.

"Thank you. i had a good time." I said honestly. Young Jae nodded and impulsively hugged me.

A little stunned, i didn't respond.

To his credit, neither did Yoongi.

Instead he came over picked my shoes from where they lay and knelt down on the grass in front of me, gently holding my ankles and helping me slip them on. I was so groggy I had to place both my palms on his shoulders to stop myself from falling over him. He looked up from down there, giving me an amused shake of the head.

"you're wasted. Let's get you home and into bed." He said smoothly.

I blushed at the way he said it, like he meant something else. Then I saw the slight glance in Youngjae's direction.

He was marking his territory, I thought in disbelief.

she belongs in my bed so stay the fuck away from her.

I felt upset and on the verge of tears as he stood up and draped an arm over my waist, supporting my slightly unsteady frame.

Once we were outside, bidding farewell to everyone, Yoongi took my hand, placing it on his forearm and he held it there with his. He had sent the chauffeur away and he helped me climb into the first seat, even buckling the belt up for me before getting in behind the wheel.

He shot me a look.

"Who was that guy?" He said casually.

Too casually.

"The bartender." I said curtly. He raised an eyebrow.

"He works there?" He asked. I nodded.

"Seemed like a nice guy. You planning to meet him again?" He asked.

I stared at him.

"Why're you asking me that?"

"So I can decide whether I should get rid of him."

I went perfectly still, not trusting myself to speak.

"Relax. I meant fire. Nothing else." He said bored.

I thought of Youngjae and his parents in Busan wanting to move in to Seoul and i stared at my husband, the stranger I knew nothing about really.

"No. No I won't meet him again." I said quietly. Yoongi hummed.

"it's nothing personal. You're a rich young lady. There will always be con artists trying to charm their way into your life. You need to stay away from guys who could hurt you." He said firmly.

I nodded and turned away.

I did . I really needed to stay away from guys who could hurt me.

Starting with Min Yoongi.

"I'll drop you off at the penthouse. I have some work at the office." He said briskly.

I felt physically sick, hearing him lie to me like that.

"I thought you didn't need my permission to sleep around with other women. so why do you think you should lie to me about it?" I said bitterly.

"what the fuck are you talking about?"

"You can go have sex with your girlfriend all you want. I'm not going to tell you not to. Just don't lie to me about it and make me feel like an idiot." I snapped, alcohol loosening my tongue.

"You're so fucking annoying...I'm not going to have sex with anyone. I'm going to the office ..."

"You honestly think I'm going to believe that..." I snapped back.

Ringing silence.

"I don't care what the fuck you believe. You're right, I don't owe you an explanation and I sure as hell don't need to defend myself against whatever insane thing you've been cooking up inside that empty head of yours." He snarled.

I felt my lips wobble in protest.

"You're cruel. I hate you." I said softly.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. You're clearly drunk out of your mind. " He snapped after a few minutes.

We spent the rest of the ride in sullen silence when his phone rang and he transferred it to the car's audio.

"Hyung. I'm here at the office  already and the reports are literally sky high. You were supposed to be here half an hour ago." Jung Kook's voice came over the speakers and I felt like I'd been doused with water.

Embarrassed regret began spreading through my body.

"Yoongi..."

"Just don't say anything, alright??. I don't have it in me to deal with you right now. " Yoongi snapped.

"I was in that rest room... I... I over heard you talking to her." I said miserably.

He looked away.

"I'll tell this for the last time. My relationship with Hye Mi isn't something I can throw away. I've known her for decades. If you're going to go all bitchy on me for every time I talk to her, it's going to be difficult for both of us." He said firmly.

"It's already too difficult for me." I whispered.

HE stayed quiet for a while.

"You want to leave me? Get a divorce?" He said quietly.

I didn't reply.

" Let me be perfectly clear how it will work, if you do. You'd have to have body guards with you all the time. The media will literally hound you to death. And every Tom Dick and harry will want to make you his mistress. I'm not joking. The only reason you walk around these parties without anyone bothering you is because they know I'll fucking destroy them if they come within ten feet of you. So if you're okay with all that...if you think you can deal with all that, I'll file for a divorce."

SO easy, I thought.

So easy to just say yes and end this miserable life I'd somehow trapped myself into.

"Think about it. Let me know." He said curtly, coming around and holding the door open for me.

How did we end up like this? We didn't love each other, I know but did it have to turn into such strong dislike? And why, after all the hurt you throw in my face, i still can't bring myself to pack up my bags and just leave.

Once I got out, he drove off and I stood staring after him for a long time.

~~~~~~~`

I didn't see Yoongi for another week, while I started classes at the studio. It was actually a great change and I could feel myself spending lesser time thinking about him. As I spent time with the kids, I realized that there were ways to be happy without being in love or wanting love or craving intimacy. Not that I'd gotten over Min Yoongi. In fact, as I helped kids shape the wet clay into shapes , I realized that I'd made the mistake of thinking that getting over Yoongi was even possible.

I loved him. I did. I would just have to accept it. Getting over him was not happening and trying to do that only ended up with me sobbing into my pillow wishing I'd somehow met him before he'd ever met Hye Mi.

But I couldn't really hate her either.

If I'd had someone like Min Yoongi in my life, I would probably do my best to keep him as well. You really couldn't accuse her of anything, except maybe excellent taste in men.

I was just finishing up the class one evening when someone came into the studio. I froze in place as I recognized Wu Yi Fan . I couldn't believe he'd actually had the gall to come here but he wasn't alone. A pretty woman with a rather vacant smile and washed out blonde hair accompanied him, her gaze rather sharp as she stared at me.

"Mrs. Min. Such a pleasure to meet you again." He reached out and shook my hand his touch lingering and a bit too strong for comfort. i pulled my hand away and glanced automatically at the studio office where one of the ladies helping me was writing off the daily records.

"My wife's really interested in learning this craft, perhaps you'd be kind enough to include her in the classes."

I smiled and politely  explained that I was only teaching children for now. Maybe later, once I could manage out a proper schedule, I'd be opening classes for adults. I would let them know if that were to happen. All the while Yi Fan kept staring at me with something very odd in his gaze. in the cold light of day , i realized that he was rather cruelly good-looking. Very handsome but without an ounce of warmth in his face.

"Do You give classes at home? Maybe on weekends. We'd be willing to pay handsomely." He said sleazily and I swallowed the dryness in my throat.

"No. I'm sorry. i don't think I'd be up for that." I shook my head.

"Then let me leave you my number, you can call me if something opens up. " He nodded. I hesitated and took his card, fully aware that I would probably burn it the first moment I could.

~~~~~~~~`

That evening, I walked in on Yoongi fresh out of the shower, wrapped in just a towel and my brain shut down rather instantly. He looked completely unperturbed however, lazily towel-drying his hair as he stared at me.

"You're home early?" He said, moving to the fridge and pouring himself a glass of orange juice. I watched him for a second , trying to process what I was seeing and why.

You're home?" I said warily. He gave me a look and disappeared into the bedroom , re emerging a few minutes later dressed in an oversized white t shirt and worn jeans.

"what's for dinner?" He said casually and I could only stare at him in disbelief. Had he got into an accident and suffered a blow to the head?

"I'll ask Mrs. Kim to..."

"I've sent her home. I thought you'd make something for me." He said casually.

I found myself fighting laughter and tears at the same time.

"What do you think you're doing?" I said very softly and he hesitated.

"I thought we were still friends?" He said doubtfully.

It was the first time I'd seen him look so uncertain.

Not sure what to think or how to react, I wordlessly made my way to the kitchen, opening the closets and the store cupboards, gathering ingredients and setting the chicken out to thaw.

I spent the next few hours cooking up a simple meal of fried chicken, rice and gravy with salad and egg rolls. As we sat down to eat, he told me a bit about his day and I listened closely. i almost told him about Yi Fan but then stopped. I had to stop running to him for everything. I would handle things by myself.

"Are you still upset about Hye Mi. I haven't cheated on our vows and I don't intend to. You should believe that." He said casually and I sighed in defeat. It didn't really matter to me , I though with a tired shake of my head.

"You told me this isn't a drama. So I won't play the jealous wife anymore." I said softly. He looked a bit taken aback but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was tired. Hurt. Angry at myself.

But mostly just tired.

Once we finished eating, I took all the dishes inside.

"Do you need help? With ...something?" He hesitated near the door to the kitchen.

I shook my head, my voice no longer ready to function. My brain was very confused , trying to process what was happening.

He stepped in nonetheless and suddenly the larger than normal kitchen seemed to shrink in on itself. I almost dropped the mixing bowl as he kept coming closer, stopping only when he was right next to me, behind me, the fabric of his shirt touching the back of my dress as he leaned down and reached for a glass over my shoulder, drowning me in his scent. I shut my eyes, biting my lips in distress.

"I've got some good news." He said and his voice was right next to my face, and i turned without thinking about it. He looked as stunned as i felt as I stared up at him, my face less than an inch away from his.

"What?" I whispered, suddenly breathless. His gaze dropped to my lips for a second, a split second and then he dragged his eyes back to look at me. He ran his tongue all over his lips before reaching out and lightly touching my cheek with palm, thumb tracing my skin carefully. The touch of his fingers to my skin spread down and outwards, all the way to the tip of my toes which curled on the soft carpeted floor.

"EXO got caught trafficking drugs last night. They won't be causing trouble for a while at least." He said , thumb still rubbing back and forth on my cheeks.

I could give you a divorce right now if you asked , is what he meant.

I grabbed his wrist lightly and pulled his hand away. He hesitated but let his hand drop. He was still too close, much too close and so I stepped back, only to have my back hit the kitchen counter. And the pain wasn't even worth it because Min Yoongi stepped in closer till his chest pressed against mine and I had to lean back , bending my upper body away as i tried to put distance between us.

"I really can't do this anymore...." He said mildly,both hands coming to rest on either side of my waist on the counter as he leaned in, looming over me, caging me against the wooden surface.

"Yoongi...what?" I stared in shock when he leaned in closer, lips just an inch away from mine.

"I'm not made for this shit, princess. I don't do romance. So why the hell can't i get you out of my fucking head???" He whispered.

What was going on? I felt like Alice falling into the rabbit hole.

"I can leave...i'll leave...I..."

"Too late for that. You should have left before you managed to claw your way inside my head....fuck you for being so hard to ignore...." He hummed. His eyes narrowed as I  tried to wiggle out of his...his what really? He wasn't even touching me but it felt like he had me pinned against the bed or something. I began trembling .

"You're insane...." I said nervously .

"It certainly feels that way, every time you accuse me of sleeping around, I want to scream that I can't fucking get it on for any other woman because I can't fucking stop thinking what it would be like if it was you underneath me, instead.  I want to tell you that no, I'm not in love with Hye Mi , no, I don't think I'd ever feel for her, half the things I feel for you but I know you're too fucking stubborn to believe me.... " He said softly  and I gripped the edge of the counter till my knuckles turned white.

"What are you saying..." I said , completely lost. I was pretty certain he wasn't supposed to be talking to me like this but for the life of me I couldn't think of a single reason why.

"I'm saying I can't give you what you're asking for. I don't have a heart, or love or fuzzy feelings but I do have money and power and passion and God, baby I could show you heaven in my bed... . I could give you all that... If you promise not to ask for the things I don't have..... "

He made it sound like I was wrong, expecting him to feel things for me. That I was expecting something he wasn't capable of giving and i had the horrible feeling he actually believed that. Before I could open my mouth and deny it, he pushed himself right up against my body.

He grabbed my chin gently, tilted my face up and kissed me. He was as good at kissing as he was at everything else. Smooth and flawless, his lips moving over mine with practiced ease and his tongue finding it's way inside my mouth without any restraint. I gripped his shoulder hard and he deepened the kiss, leaning back and lightly touching my waist, thumb slipping beneath the hem of my shirt and lightly tracing circles on the skin over my hip. He tasted like heaven and my mind screamed in protest .

stop

this is a mistake

you're not playing fair.

When he pulled away with his lips, his hips pressed closer, till I was cradled against his pelvis and all coherent thought fled as he stared down into my face.

"So what will it be? Do you want to start ....this ...marriage , with me...on my terms?" He whispered.

On his terms?

Lust, Money , power?

And then what?

Heart break, Misery and despair?

I shook my head.

"I...I want more. I want you. all of you. I can't....i won't share..." I said stubbornly. Stupidly. His eyes narrowed in obvious frustration.

"You don't have to fucking share...Who on earth do you think you're sharing me with ? " He snapped angrily but I pulled away, moving out of his embrace and holding a hand up.

"I want you to talk to me. I want you to open up to me..."

Say yes.

at least say you'll try...

Just tell me you’ll give us a chance and I’ll do anything for you..

"Just like a woman. You want my heart and soul, like the witch that you are." He snapped.

I stared back evenly.

"If that's what you want you're welcome to just leave. I'll give you a fucking divorce. It's what you wanted all along anyway...i don't even know why I thought for a second you'd think of what I ... " He stopped, shutting his eyes and turning away.

"Okay. Okay. Then divorce it is." I said vacantly.

It's the right thing to do.  

Don't you dare cry.

#bts fanfics #bts gang au #bts min yoongi #bts min suga #bts imagine #bts scenarios

[thirstyfortom]

High School Band AU: Ch. 9

Hope you like this! ^^

In your defense, you were really trying to pay attention. You really want to learn everything about Isaac Newton and the three laws of motion. Well, not everything, just… enough to pass the test tomorrow. You’re really trying, but the crumbled paper balls falling in your desk in the studying room aren’t letting you focus.

You didn’t unwrinkle any of them, if the sender notices you’re not having it, they’ll stop. Or that’s what you thought before the sixth or seventh little ball fell in your book. What the hell?

You look over your shoulder, there’s only one person sitting diagonally from your desk, but you can’t see who it is, because they are hiding their faces with a book. Well, trying, a few strands of hair at the top of their heads aren’t being covered. Red strands of hair.

So… Saeran or Saeyoung? Even though Saeran was becoming way less unbearable in the last few days - and it was about him, you’re pretty sure it has nothing to do with you trying to be more patient since he basically prevented a rape from happening with you – you two aren’t that close to the point of him trying to get your attention like this. Well, you’re not that close to Saeyoung either, you just forgot he doesn’t know that.

But it is Saeyoung, of course it’s him. And knowing the little you know about him, you better read one of these little balls or he won’t stop being a third wheel between you and Isaac Newton.

“Watchu reading?”  or… something like this, his handwriting can be a little hard to decode sometimes.

“Isaac Newton and the laws of motion.” You throw one of the balls behind you , nobody notices. Because, can you imagine, some people use the studying room to study.

“Spoiler alert: he dies in the end. Would there be more laws of motion if he hasn’t died? It’s open to interpretation.” You muffle a giggle and look at him, still using the book as a disguise.

“I know it’s u behind me and u r not really reading ‘Basic Principles of Genetics’”

“How dare u accusing me so unfairly? :O” did he really draw an emoji? Oh God…

“The book is upside down, Saeyoung.”

You look over your shoulder to see him turning the book to the right position and adjusting himself in his seat. Rolling your eyes lightly, you muffle another laugh.

“See? I’m learning EVERYTHING about Mendel and peas. In your face, MC!”

“Good, so go back to studying the peas and I’ll go back to Newton.”

You avoid looking behind you, you know it would just encourage him on keep exchanging notes. And though it’s fun, you really need to study right now!

And he apparently gets it, as the balls stop flying. You’re relieved! And… bored. Seriously, so bored… your eyelids are almost getting heavy. Where’s Saeyoung and the paper balls attack to keep you awake?

“Ok, tell me more about the peas.” You see him smirking when your paper plane lands on his desk.

“I know shit about the peas. Can I kidnap u in 15 minutes?”

“Such an improvement from when u used to kidnap me without asking me first.” Now he is the one holding his laugh, but he’s less discreet and some other students glare at him.

“I’ll be waiting for u next to the exit.” He lets the last note when passing next to your desk before leaving the room.

Well, you’ll apologize for ditching Isaac Newton. See, it’s not you, it’s him. It’s just not working and you think you should see other people. Saeyoung, in that case. He might be a handful sometimes, but he’s definitely not boring.

“I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“I really shouldn’t, to be honest. But this book is almost making me sleep. Especially now that you told me the end.” You stick your tongue out and he laughs softly. “So, where are we going, mr. kidnapper?”

“What kind of kidnapper would I be if I told you that? It’s a secret! Come on!”

You two take the bus. And you were worried about not having much to talk to him, but Saeyoung lets almost no blanks. He always has something to say about some place you’re passing by. And that is pretty comforting, actually.

“That’s our stop.”

“Usually it’s mine, indeed.” Yes, your uncle’s record store is just a few streets ahead. You noticed between all his blabbering that the way was being very familiar.

“Mine too.”

“Really? You live nearby?”

“No, I work nearby.”

“How come I never saw you before if we take the same bus?”

“Because you usually sit right there with your headphones and a resting bitch face that make people think you don’t want them sitting beside you.” Well, you really do use your phones and the… resting bitch face in order not to be bothered, especially by boys. But Saeyoung is a boy and he never bothered you. How long have you two been taking the same bus? How long has he been observing you? “And here we are.”

He stops in front of a store. A little bigger than the record store you work, the glass window and the light tones of yellow and white in the front gives even more depth illusion, but it’s an old building, for sure. And judging from the movie posters in the window, it looks old on purpose. It’s a video rental store.

You heard about this place before, actually. You passed by in your way to the record store and couldn’t help but thinking there is another shop lost in time very close to yours. You would imagine if the people who worked here were aware that the owner looks for nostalgia rather than profit, or would they really hope having a lot of customers.

“You’re not the only one in the band dealing with obsolete medias, MC.” Ah, so Saeyoung knows, just like you. “Come in.”

“Wait, it’s closed. Won’t your boss get mad?”

“It’s fine. He gave me those keys so I can come whenever I want. He doesn’t want to lose his only employee, after all.”

“And what do you do here?”

“Look at all these movies! What do you think I do?” you look around, yes, there are a lot of movies… how many of them did he watch? “I mean, I watch them, but there is another thing, come with me.”

He guides you to the back of the store, where the poster of a semi-naked lady is doing the shush gesture in a sexy way, and the warning “Do not enter if you’re under 18 years old.

“Come in, MC.”

“Ugh, the sign…”

“It’s a sign, not a cop. Come in.” he grabs your hand and brings you inside.

You look around and most of the movies are piled in the corner. Oh, thank God, you were so sure it was going to be walls stuffed by VHSs and DVDs covers of women being filled in holes you’re not sure they should be filled… instead, there is a pair of DJ pickups, a sewing machine, two mannequins, and records. Lots of records.

“Recognize some of them?”

“You got them at my uncle’s store?”

“Most of them I bought online. I must say the hip-hop’s selection at your uncle’s store is not that vast. I even wrote a note and put it in the suggestions box you have there.”

“My uncle neverreads it, sorry. So… you’ve been there before I joined the band?”

He smiles while turning on his equipment. “I was looking for Tupak and you told me there wasn’t much hip-hop, but I could look it up.”

“Then you asked me for help, but I didn’t know where the hip-hop albums were, because… it was my first day.” He nods, putting his headphones. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“We’re not that close.” Oh, so he knows that. “And I don’t want you to think I’m a yandere stalker or something like this.”

“Well, this room is very yandere-ish. The mannequins, the pink light, I mean… I think the phantom of the opera would have something like this if he lived in the90s.” he laughs loudly.

“You know what’s funnier than your joke? Saeran said exactly the same thing.”

“He did?”

“Yes, you two have a very similar sense of humor. Too bad you don’t really like each other, you would have fun together.”

“I… I don’t really hate your brother, Saeyoung.”

“I know, and he probably doesn’t hate you either. He’s just… he doesn’t know how to express his feelings too well, I… think he meant something completely different when you told us that Rika wanted to kiss you.” And you know that by now. You could tell him you do, but… you don’t really want to remember that night…

“Gosh, when you put it like that, it makes me feel really ridiculous for even considering that.”

“It’s not ridiculous. Maybe you and Rika has that… hot rivalry tension like Crystal Connors and Nomi Malone in Showgirls, you know?”

“I can’t believe you’re saying something in my life resembles such an awful movie, Saeyoung.”

“Hey! It’s a great movie! Great quotes, great dancing moves, great, uhm… breasts.”

“Of course you liked the boobs.” Even under the pink light, you can see him blushing. “But it has a pretty cool sex in the pool scene… I guess.”

“MC, you’re 15! You can’t watch things like that, young lady!” and you know he’s teasing, since he basically dragged you to the porn section of the store.

“Tell that to my uncle. I swear he has no idea how to deal with a teenage girl.”

“Especially one like you, I suppose.”

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“I mean, you’re very… well, you’re very unique, MC. You know a lot about culture from past decades, and… you’re a salty little smug, and… stupid people can’t really hold a conversation with you for too long.”

“You know you could easily be describing yourself right now too, right?” another blush under the pink light, from both of you now. “So, uhm… the pickups, huh? So vintage, do you remix?”

“I try, but it isn’t as easy as doing in the computer. Here, listen to this.” He hands you one of his headphones, and you immediately shake your head according to the rhythm.

“Public Enemy.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s so cool, Saeyoung.”

“Thank you! My stuff in the laptop are better, to be honest.” He grabs his laptop in his backpack and sits on the floor, you lean your hands on your kness and bend down when he connets the headphones in the laptop. “See? I asked Yoosung to play the piano for me and I basically recreated the base in No Diggity by Blackstreet.”

“And the waves here are you singing?”

“Yeah. It’s me trying to… rap, actually.”

“Oh my God! Let me hear this!” you press the play before he can protest.

“It's going down fade to Blackstreet. The homeys got abby collab creations, funk like acne. No doubt I put it down never slouch, as long as my credit could vouch, a dog couldn't catch me straight out. Tell me who could stop with Dre makin' moves. Attracting honeys like a magnet. Giving them ig-asms with my mellow accent. Still moving his flavor with the homeys Blackstreet & Teddy: the original rump shakers”

And you could laugh and make fun of him, but all you do is:

“Shorty get down, good Lord. Baby got 'em open all over town. Strickly biz she don't play around, cover much grounds. Got game by the pound, gettin paid is her forte. Each and every day true player way”

He joins you in singing: “I can't get her outta my mind.I think about the girl all the time”

And he moves to the second part of the song: “She's got class and style. Street knowledge, by the pound. Baby never act wild, very low key on the profile. Catching villians is a no, let me tell you how it goes. Curve's the word, spin's the verb. Lovers it curves so freak what you heard.”He’s… he’s looking straight at you, like… he’s singing to you, like he means it.

Who knew he actually knows how to sing? You remember Saeran teasing him for not playing any instrument, but the thing is he doesn’t even need it. Look at what he has here, he sews the outfits for the band, reproduces beats for famous songs in modern and traditional equipment, he… knew you almost since your first day in this town. And yes, you weren’t close, and that’s a shame.

“So, uhm… pretty lame, huh?” he asks, taking you aback.

“Well, I don’t know if it is ‘ig-asms’ material… yet.” He laughs, and you chuckle from his laugh.

It’s just in that moment you realize how close you are, you can almost fell his breathing against your nose, his… exhilarating breathing, actually. Your eyes lock with his, and you’re so glad those guys couldn’t do anything to you at that party, because, if they did… this wouldn’t be your first kiss…

And it isn’t, because Saeyoung lowers his head and looks back at the computer.

“Don’t let yourself be carried by where we are, MC.”

“I…”

“You’re sorry, I know.” Oh… not really what you were going to say. “Don’t worry. I… I won’t tell anybody about this.”

“Saeyoung, I…”

“It’s fine, MC, really. Oh, it’s late, I… should walk you home, you have a physics test tomorrow, right?” what is he doing? Why isn’t even looking at you?

Of course he’s embarrassed, you would be too if someone tried to kiss you and you didn’t really want to, but… if he says it’s fine, why doesn’t he even act like it’s fine? Again, why doesn’t he even look at you? Like you’re not worthy of it?

“I can go home by myself.”

“Are you sure? It’s getting dark and…”

“I can take the bus, I’ve done this before a lot of times, you know?” he does.

“MC, you don’t…”

“Goodbye, Saeyoung.” You gather your stuff on the floor and walk out of there.

What happened? You could swear he wanted this to happen as much as you did, it’s like… it’s almost like… he was waiting for you to make a move just so he could push you away, why?

You were so close to him, but, then again… you and him weren’t really close.And he knows that.

← Chapter 8 | Chapter 10  →

#mystic messenger fics #mystic messenger au #saeyoung x mc #saeyoung choi #high school au

[literateape]

Stigmata Nation: The Martyr Complex is Complete

By Don Hall

When I teach my storytelling masterclass, one of the most controversial points is my admonition that “if your story paints you as either the victim or the hero, rework your story.”

Some people hate that.

The only stories they have to tell are how victimized they have been in their lives or how heroic they have been overcoming the victimization they have endured.

Jump cut to the current storytelling scene.

A solid 60 percent of every storytelling night on tap is a ten-person therapy circle jerk. Ten 10- to 12-minute stories of how shitty it has been to be me. How hard it has been to be marginalized or to realize my personal place of shame in the marginalization or how heroic I am for not marginalizing someone else.

A litany of non-stop victims and heroes.

As those who have been most ignored from these mostly white, mostly male stages are stepping up and demanding their spotlight time, some of this is to be expected. When you have felt left behind or actively blocked from expressing your own experiences, the need to get up and bark out how hard life has been seems somewhat appropriate. When the door has been shut to your voice for so long (not quite so long if you are in your twenties, but lets not quibble) smashing that door down takes energy and anger, plus self-involvement generates a lot of energy.

It isn’t just the Leftist Army of Identity Fetishists either. White Nationalists blog about how goddamned oppressed they feel, white men are “afraid of” the #MeToo movement, cops feel picked on.

When was the exact moment we became an entire society of angry bellyachers?

It had to be before the interwebs (although with Facebook and Twitter and, yes, blogs, the constant drumbeat of "My life is so fucking HARD..." is just more inescapable).

Admit it, Faithful Reader, right now, as you squat down in front of your ridiculously expensive computer or mobile device to read my constant spew, you're wondering why your life sucks so hard as you sip from a cup of coffee or tea in your apartment/house/domestic dwelling before you hop in your heated water shower with your shower gel (with a hint of mint to make your junk all tingly) and fill your gaping maw with a muffin made from the blood and sweat of migrant workers.

When did it start?

I'm not immune to it. Never in the history of mankind has there been a more wounded, bitching shithead when it comes to divorces and past relationship failures and jobs gone by the wayside than Don Hall. Hell, I still catch myself getting pissy about that one time a group of assholes decided to troll me online. When even I get tired of my slightly bitter Woe is Me bullshit, I can only imagine how fucking long suffering my wife is to endure it.

But this isn't just an individual thing, is it?

All of America, from sea to motherfucking shining, oil-polluted, used condom-filled sea, is obsessed with bitching about how hard their lives are.

People with body issues. Young mothers. College students with massive debt and no jobs. Dudes who feel emasculated. Women who feel objectified while posing in bikinis on Instagram.

White People. Black People. Latinos. Jews. Norwegians.

Kids. Parents. Teachers. Rich People. Poor People.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. "LIFE IS NOT FAIR!" we collectively cry out to a fictional deity and expect that someone or something will hear our cry and somehow make it fair.  Seventy-five percent of that cry has fuckall to with fair — it has everything to do with people not getting what they want. More money than they need to buy cable television and $200 shoes and portable game devices. The other 25 percent is the result of those in the majority so blinded by their own desperate want for more than they need ignoring real life inequity.

On the flipside to all this whiny shit, we have created a society that tells us that we deserve this unfair treatment because we are fat or black or have 30 cats or can't find a job. We're slowly convinced that it is our fault that the bullies pull our underwear up over our heads or discriminate against us or sexually harass us. We're told to "man up," "get a stiff upper lip" and "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps." We are told that the only way to be noticed is to be wounded and victimized, and so those who are actually being victimized are lost in the shuffle of everyone else, scrambling for their piece of the Picked Upon Pie.

Reality is more complex on both sides.

No one deserves to be shat upon by life. No one (unless you're Mitch McConnell, and he has earned a bit of fecal matter gracing his upper lip in a Poetic Dirty Sanchez) deserves to be treated unfairly. Not if you find them different from yourself. Not if they disagree with your antiquated and intolerant religious beliefs. Not if they dress a certain way, speak a different way, act a different way, listen to weird music or wear fucking fake mustaches and pork pie hats. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE INTENTIONALLY TREATED LIKE SHIT! (...except for Mitch, which I think we can all come together in agreement on...)

On the other hand, no one is responsible for your choices but you. Not your mom. Not your government. Not your missing father. Not your underpaid and sometimes shitty teachers. Not your micromanaging supervisor. Not that asshole in the office who plays backstabby politics to move ahead of others. Not the police. Not the scary Follically Challenged FatAss President. You. And you alone.

So, unless you are a jobless, homeless, black lesbian named Fatima Rodriguez — shut the fuck up, OK? She is the winner of the Most Victimized Human on the Planet. You live in America and have the fruits of the planet's bounty at your feet. Even our trash is more delicious and nutritious than in any other part of the world.

Can you celebrate your Otherness without whining about it? Can you tell your story without wearing either the stigmata or the crown? Is the sum of who you are and what you have to tell the world based entirely upon your status as the downtrodden?

If not, maybe you should actually pay for therapy instead of getting it from an audience.

#stories as therapy #victims #heroes #life is not fair #otherness

[theliterateape]

Stigmata Nation: The Martyr Complex is Complete

By Don Hall

When I teach my storytelling masterclass, one of the most controversial points is my admonition that “if your story paints you as either the victim or the hero, rework your story.”

Some people hate that.

The only stories they have to tell are how victimized they have been in their lives or how heroic they have been overcoming the victimization they have endured.

Jump cut to the current storytelling scene.

A solid 60 percent of every storytelling night on tap is a ten-person therapy circle jerk. Ten 10- to 12-minute stories of how shitty it has been to be me. How hard it has been to be marginalized or to realize my personal place of shame in the marginalization or how heroic I am for not marginalizing someone else.

A litany of non-stop victims and heroes.

As those who have been most ignored from these mostly white, mostly male stages are stepping up and demanding their spotlight time, some of this is to be expected. When you have felt left behind or actively blocked from expressing your own experiences, the need to get up and bark out how hard life has been seems somewhat appropriate. When the door has been shut to your voice for so long (not quite so long if you are in your twenties, but lets not quibble) smashing that door down takes energy and anger, plus self-involvement generates a lot of energy.

It isn’t just the Leftist Army of Identity Fetishists either. White Nationalists blog about how goddamned oppressed they feel, white men are “afraid of” the #MeToo movement, cops feel picked on.

When was the exact moment we became an entire society of angry bellyachers?

It had to be before the interwebs (although with Facebook and Twitter and, yes, blogs, the constant drumbeat of "My life is so fucking HARD..." is just more inescapable).

Admit it, Faithful Reader, right now, as you squat down in front of your ridiculously expensive computer or mobile device to read my constant spew, you're wondering why your life sucks so hard as you sip from a cup of coffee or tea in your apartment/house/domestic dwelling before you hop in your heated water shower with your shower gel (with a hint of mint to make your junk all tingly) and fill your gaping maw with a muffin made from the blood and sweat of migrant workers.

When did it start?

I'm not immune to it. Never in the history of mankind has there been a more wounded, bitching shithead when it comes to divorces and past relationship failures and jobs gone by the wayside than Don Hall. Hell, I still catch myself getting pissy about that one time a group of assholes decided to troll me online. When even I get tired of my slightly bitter Woe is Me bullshit, I can only imagine how fucking long suffering my wife is to endure it.

But this isn't just an individual thing, is it?

All of America, from sea to motherfucking shining, oil-polluted, used condom-filled sea, is obsessed with bitching about how hard their lives are.

People with body issues. Young mothers. College students with massive debt and no jobs. Dudes who feel emasculated. Women who feel objectified while posing in bikinis on Instagram.

White People. Black People. Latinos. Jews. Norwegians.

Kids. Parents. Teachers. Rich People. Poor People.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. "LIFE IS NOT FAIR!" we collectively cry out to a fictional deity and expect that someone or something will hear our cry and somehow make it fair.  Seventy-five percent of that cry has fuckall to with fair — it has everything to do with people not getting what they want. More money than they need to buy cable television and $200 shoes and portable game devices. The other 25 percent is the result of those in the majority so blinded by their own desperate want for more than they need ignoring real life inequity.

On the flipside to all this whiny shit, we have created a society that tells us that we deserve this unfair treatment because we are fat or black or have 30 cats or can't find a job. We're slowly convinced that it is our fault that the bullies pull our underwear up over our heads or discriminate against us or sexually harass us. We're told to "man up," "get a stiff upper lip" and "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps." We are told that the only way to be noticed is to be wounded and victimized, and so those who are actually being victimized are lost in the shuffle of everyone else, scrambling for their piece of the Picked Upon Pie.

Reality is more complex on both sides.

No one deserves to be shat upon by life. No one (unless you're Mitch McConnell, and he has earned a bit of fecal matter gracing his upper lip in a Poetic Dirty Sanchez) deserves to be treated unfairly. Not if you find them different from yourself. Not if they disagree with your antiquated and intolerant religious beliefs. Not if they dress a certain way, speak a different way, act a different way, listen to weird music or wear fucking fake mustaches and pork pie hats. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE INTENTIONALLY TREATED LIKE SHIT! (...except for Mitch, which I think we can all come together in agreement on...)

On the other hand, no one is responsible for your choices but you. Not your mom. Not your government. Not your missing father. Not your underpaid and sometimes shitty teachers. Not your micromanaging supervisor. Not that asshole in the office who plays backstabby politics to move ahead of others. Not the police. Not the scary Follically Challenged FatAss President. You. And you alone.

So, unless you are a jobless, homeless, black lesbian named Fatima Rodriguez — shut the fuck up, OK? She is the winner of the Most Victimized Human on the Planet. You live in America and have the fruits of the planet's bounty at your feet. Even our trash is more delicious and nutritious than in any other part of the world.

Can you celebrate your Otherness without whining about it? Can you tell your story without wearing either the stigmata or the crown? Is the sum of who you are and what you have to tell the world based entirely upon your status as the downtrodden?

If not, maybe you should actually pay for therapy instead of getting it from an audience.

#stories as therapy #victims #heroes #life is not fair #otherness

[gocasualrunawaycollection-blog]

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Car engine and insurance?

Would a jetta 2.0 Turbo, have a higher insurance rate than a Jetta 2.5?""

Car Insurance - Young Driver 18 years old Male - NEED HELP PLEASE!!!!?

I have recently passed my driving test (3 days ago!) and will be buying a car ASAP as I have a job lined up and have just left school. I've tried tens of comparison sites and even rang some insurance companies direct to try and get a better quote... I have looked at the smallest possible engine size, that being 0.8l and 1l engines. I've looked at cars such as FORD KA, Vauxhall Corsa, Nissan Micra, Renault Clio and a few others too. The cheapest quote I have found for all of the cars is for a 2000 Ford KA 1.3l 3dr 4 seats (the smallest KA engine size possible) and that price was 3,800 paying monthly with a company called My Policy . However, I have used various other KA registration plates all the same engine size but some being 2003 models or 2005 and the insurance jumps to over 6,000! I haven't found another FORD KA cheaper than 5,500 and obviously if I can't get that one particular car out of the thousands for sale that insurance quote will be invalid anyway. Basically, I've tried everything. Adding named drivers (with lots of driving experience 30+ years), putting my car in a locked garage, on the road, tried different cars - models, registration plates, ages, engine sizes, and not to forget the countless comparison sites. The funny thing is with MyPolicy I went onto their site directly to get a quote and they were unable to give me a quote when entering exactly the same information into the Tiger.co.uk comparison site, that site brought up the 3,800 quote with MyPolicy but when I use their site directly they can't give me a quote... I know insurance is based on MANY factors, believe me I understand that. I tried entering different post codes (just out of curiosity) and it did help, but only fractionally. It just seems (other than the 1 obscure quote of 3,800 on ONE car, out of the 100+ I've tried) that I can't get a quote cheaper than 5,000 for a car with the smallest engine size and insurance group possible... It's ridiculous. Please don't advise fronting because it's illegal and I want to build up some NCD anyway. CAN ANYONE HELP ME GET A QUOTE CHEAPER THAN 3,500?! Thanks a lot, -Ash.""

How much does storage unit insurance cost?

I'm sure there are a billion variables but I'm just trying to get a loose ballpark figure. I'm renting a 5x5 climate controlled unit in one state but I live in another. I'm storing ~$5000 worth of stuff--black forest clocks my parents brought back from Germany in the late 40s/early 50s; figurines, etc., most more sentimental than material value. The unit itself is a name-brand secure facility in a decent neighborhood with gated access. I figure I'll have the unit about 6 months. Like I said, I'm just trying to get a rough idea, not an etched in stone quote. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. sbf""

Health insurance for low income college student?

I was just wondering if anyone had some suggestions for reasonably priced health insurance in Minnesota. I am very physically active, do a lot of running and weight lifting; so my primary concerns are coverage for treatments involving possible breaks, fractures, muscle and tendon tears/breaks, and other things of that nature common with active individuals. Preferably something under $100/month because I am in school and with my current income I am lucky to average $800/month take home. Any help/direction would be greatly appreciated because I have not had health insurance for 9 years since I was no longer eligible for my mothers health insurance.

Can someone give me advice on whether to get a 50 or 125cc scooter and how much insurance will cost for both?

I am a 15 year old boy who lives in Italy. Here at the age of 14 you can get a 50cc and at the age of 16 you can get a 125cc. My birthday is in 6 months ( January ), should I wait till then and get 125cc or should I just get a 50cc now ? Taking in to consideration that snow comes to Italy at about at January and that 50 cc is cheaper and safer than a 125cc. And how much would the insurance cost for the 50cc or the 125cc ? And I have a budget of around 1000 euro.""

How does a 17/18 year old find cheap car insurance?

i am looking for cheap car insurance but finding it difficult,anyone got any ideas or methods""

""Were can i find cheap car insurance from, for 22-23 yr old woman?""

Were can i find cheap car insurance from, for 22-23 yr old woman?""

Can I claim health insurance costs?

If i am retired, 55 and have to pay my own health insurance, can I deduct them on my income taxes. Lets say the monthly premium is $500 and my anual income is $24,000""

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt, i know how to responsibly control power) and me and my parents have found a great deal on a 2002 impreza sedan, it has 125k miles on it, and the last thing deciding factor before buying this vehicle is the insurance. We already have a mustang gt on the family plan, i live in VA, make all A's(supposed to give me a 30% discount), im male, the color is blue, with only a greddy bov aftermaket part installed. The car itself is blue, it is the turbod WRX version(not the sti), and has never been wrecked. We have state farm, im not sure as to what other information anyone would need to know, but im jusst looking for a rough estimate, thanks for any input.""

What will my insurance do?

So the other day a car slammed on their brakes and I hit their bumper. It was a Mercury Sable.Not sure the year right now...prob 98-02. It was a young girl and her 4 friends. They were obviously under the influence of weed. They of course did not want to call the cops. I said ok because I did not want a ticket or my ins rates to go up. We exchanged names and numbers. She called and my husband and I arranged that we would pay for half of the damages. Today she called and said her estimate was $870!! I only cracked her bumper...what should I do? Can I still file a police report? What will my insurance do if I go through them now?Thanks!!

California health insurance?

I am looking to get health insurance for a year, more to take care of neglected issues than to cover my butt if I get sick/hurt (I'm 27, betting on youth and good health!). Kaiser seems to be the most appealing because they cover a broader range of services. I am namely interested in physical therapy (winged scapula), dermatology (oily skin/acne), perhaps mental illness services as I have suffered from depression (although I somewhat consider it a problem of my past). I'm aware insurance plans won't cover preexisting conditions, but how can they really prove these issues didn't start yesterday, right? I'm overwhelmed with my choices. Is it worth paying $330/mo for $0 deductible, 0% coinsurance, $40 co pays and a max out of pocket @ $3000? Or is it smarter to pay $166/mo, $2700 deductible, 0% coinsurance, $0 co pays after deductible, and max out of pocket @ $5000 (including deductible)? Etc. I have put off getting insurance because I'm scared I will pick a completely inappropriate plan. Can anyone shed some light on this for me?""

How MUCH do you think I'd be paying for car insurance?

I'm an 18 year old female turning 19 on Oct 18th. I'm hoping to buy an 8- cylinder mustang GT ranging from the years 2000-2004, and I have taken driving classes with a high pass rate, I live in northern Virginia. How much do you think my car insurance would end up being? just asking for personal estimates!""

Why do we NEED car insurance?!?

Why is it the LAW that we have car insurance?? I honestly think it's stupid. Shouldn't we, as free Americans, be able to make the choice of whether or not we want insurance, and still legally drive a vehicle, as long as we have a license, at our own risk? Kind of like if you go skiing or snowboarding, you go at your own risk, you're not forced to get skiing insurance , or boarding insurance , or anything like that. I mean, think of this situation: I have no insurance, and I wreck into somebody. They have insurance, so they are covered. I don't, so I will either have to get rid of my car, or pay for repairs myself; that's the risk I took and this is how I'm paying for it, by being car less or spending tons of money on repairs. But why must we be forced by law to have it, or NO DRIVING FOR YOU says big ole' government?? This is angering me because I'm currently in college, without a car, and while I can walk to my work and school, it's still about 30-45 minutes each way to walk, and if I could get an old car for cheap, it would make my life MUCH easier and less of a hassle.""

No claim bonus on previous car insurance?

HI I WOULD BE GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD ANSWER ABOUT CAR INSURANCE CLAIM BONUS DID 2 YEARS INSURE WITH FIRST CENTRAL INSURANCE FROM DECEMBER 2010 TO DECEMBER 2012 THEN STOP DRIVING AND NOT DRIVE FOR 13 MONTHS DO I STILL HAVE CLAIM BONUS I WAS TOLD YES IT EXPIRE AFTER 2 YEARS IS THIS TRUE? I TRY CONTACT MY PREVIOUS INSURANCE ABOUT THIS BUT NO REPLY YET THANK YOU

Which health insurance is good and better in California?

Deciding from this health insurance Aetna, Anthem Blue Cross of California, Kaiser Permanante.""

If my license is suspended and I want to trade my old car in for a new one; will my insurance company drop me?

I received a letter that my driver's license is being suspended for 6 months because I received more than 12 pts on my license (Maryland). I already have insurance and so far the rates haven't changed. I want to buy a new vehicle and I want to know that if I can actually go ahead and trade my old vehicle in for a new vehicle with the same insurance policy if the insurance company will drop me because of that suspended license. My license has been turned in to the DMV but i won't be getting it back for another 4 months.

""Im 21years old,male with a mazda miata 2001. My auto insurance to too high. where can I get cheaper insurance?""

Im 21years old,male with a mazda miata 2001. My auto insurance to too high. where can I get cheaper insurance?""

How to do teens afford cars without going under their parents insurance?

Hello, so my friends have their g2 and their parents pay for their insurance. My fathers cheap in ways and he doesn't want me under his insurance. I do have my own car it's a ...show more""

Will the car insurance go down?

I got into a car accident and I'm on my mother's insurance. I know the insurance will be raised. I was wondering if her insurance would go back down if i was taken off the insurance? Can anyone help?

My daughter and car insurance?

my daughter just got a car for my granddaughter is it illegal not to have my grand daughter listed on the insurance policy..she does'nt want them to know she is a new driver...we live in new jersey

How much is liability only auto insurance in california?

I have a 2000 dollar car, Kia espectra, model 2000, planning to buy liability only insurance for it to save money. I was wondering if anyone could give me an estimation of how much this would cos for one year coverage? thanks""

Do you think it's best to get your own life insurance?

I just got married and had a 2 month old daughter this year. My baby is so precious and I am thinking What If I die anytime. I want to set her up as early as now. I don't want her to go through any hardships in life that I gone through. I'm 31 and I can pay for the insurance right now but I'm thinking if it's more logical to pay the insurance premium or just save the money in a bank. Please give me some insights on this.

Health insurance part time work ?

how to get coverage?

Which Life Insurance policy best?

Can someone suggest(help) me in advice which Life Insurance policy is best and with Tax benefits, Im planning to get a policy in future""

What exactly is affordable health care premium?

To me that means everyone pays $100.00 per month Is that what it means?

Does my car have to have insurance even if its not being driven?

I bought a car that needs a little work. So its not being driven and it is sitting in my driveway while i drive my other car. Does it have to have plates and insurance on it if i am not driving it at all??

Cheap Car Insurance for a 17 Year old in the UK?

Im a male, i dont want no comparison sites as they are useless i can find sites that will give me good quotes, and please dont tell me to insure a 1.0 - 1.2 litre engine as i have figured out i can insure a 1.9 diesel engine for like 200 more. However i want to know if you know anymore than my current listen i have tried: Tesco llyods Tsb Direct line Virgin Vauxhall Citreon Peugoet If you know anymore can you please tell me thank you""

How will universial health affect the insurance industry?

How will universial health affect the insurance industry?

Low Cost Affordable Individual Hmo Health Insurance Question:?

Are there any easy to access resource for low cost affordable individual hmo health insurance? I've looked a little, but found nothing. Any tips, or ideas? low cost affordable individual hmo health insurance sites? Anything you can share would be cool. Thanks""

Health insurance for low income college student?

I was just wondering if anyone had some suggestions for reasonably priced health insurance in Minnesota. I am very physically active, do a lot of running and weight lifting; so my primary concerns are coverage for treatments involving possible breaks, fractures, muscle and tendon tears/breaks, and other things of that nature common with active individuals. Preferably something under $100/month because I am in school and with my current income I am lucky to average $800/month take home. Any help/direction would be greatly appreciated because I have not had health insurance for 9 years since I was no longer eligible for my mothers health insurance.

What accounts affected by liability insurance?

What accounts affected by liability insurance?

""I just turned 18 and I don't want to take driver's ed, how much will my car insurance go up?""

Due to multiple arrests, I wasn't able to get my license until I turned 18. Well now I'm 18 and able to get my license, I don't have the money for driver's ed though. I was just wondering how much my car insurance would go up if I don't take driver's ed.""

The cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old boy?

and dont just say lowest insurance group because iv been looking and so far its been a group 3 clio and iv looked at insurance for an aygo (group 1) i need real examples like i had a fiesta and it was blah not just small hatchbacks are cheap

Can my mom insure my car she does not own (California)?

So I am 21 and have a car with a learners permit and I wont get a license until Jan. Can my mom insure the car even though her name is not on the registration until I get my license and will then be the primary driver? In this case I would only be driving with her under the learners permit guidelines. My mom would be driving the car on a daily basis to take my little sister to school and stuff because right now it's our family's only car. In Jan. I would have the insurance put under my name and have her added as a driver.

Auto insurance for teen questions?

okay so for my 17th birthday (when i get my G2) i want to buy my own car. I've done a few quotes and found Im going to be paying practically 10k per year...more than the cost of the car! however, if i was female it would be like 4k. would it work if i had the car registered in my girlfriends name and the insurance in her name, but i paid and i always drove it. if i was pulled over i'd just say Im boring my girlfriends car? is that legal?""

Estimated Insurance Costs for Pest Control Business?

Hello, I have been considering starting a Pest Control business. I'd mainly like to focus on the removal of animals, however from a business stand point it would be much wiser to handle pest insects as well. Our state breaks down the minimum insurance you need which I will list below. I was hoping someone could give me just some reasonable estimes of what these types of insurances would cost based on the information I provide? If needed, I live in Rhode Island and based on looking at similar local businessed and their NAICS codes, the industry would be #325320. RULE 21. FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY (A) Each applicant for commercial applicator licensing shall show proof of financial responsibility to consist of either: (1) A performance bond drawn payable to the State of Rhode Island in the amount of $20,000 per job, or (2) The following minimum insurance coverage: Comprehensive General Liability (ground application): Bodily Injury Liability - $20,000 each occurrence - $40,000 Aggregate Property Damage Liability (Including completed operations and chemical or pollution liability) - $25,000 (B) Each applicant for commercial applicator certification shall show proof of financial responsibility to consist of either: (1) A performance bond drawn payable to the State of Rhode Island in the amount of $50,000 per job, or (2) The following minimum insurance coverage: Comprehensive General Liability (ground application): Bodily Injury Liability - $50,000 each occurrence - $100,000 Aggregate Property Damage Liability (Including completed operations and chemical or pollution liability) - $50,000 (C) Each applicant for commercial applicator certification in Category 7(c) Fumigation shall show proof of financial responsibility to consist of either: (1) A performance bond drawn payable to the State of Rhode Island in the amount of $100,000 or (2) The following minimum insurance coverage: Comprehensive General Liability: Bodily Injury Liability - $100,000 each occurrence - $300,000 Aggregate Property Damage Liability (Including completed operations and chemical or pollution liability) - $100,000 (D) Each applicant for commercial applicator licensing or certification, who applies pesticides aerially, shall show proof of financial responsibility to consist of either: (1) A performance bond drawn payable to the State of Rhode Island in the amount of $100,000, or (2) The following minimum insurance coverage: General Liability: Bodily Injury Liability - $100,000 each occurrence - $200,000 Aggregate Property Damage Liability (Including completed operations and chemical or pollution liability) - $100,000 (E) Financial responsibility required by paragraphs (A)  (D), where appropriate, shall not be required of persons whose pesticide application activities are part of their duties as governmental employees.""

Mice build nest in my engine. Eat lining out of hood heat shield. What can expect from insurance co?

I have $100 deductible for vandalism, and other stuff. $500 deductible for collision. Of course, I will take car to insurance and show them the damage. But what should I expect? This is nice car, and shield needs to be replaced. '04 Corvette Convertible. If you know, will my insurance rate go up if I file this claim to replace this heat shield?""

Car insurance question?

My boyfriend doesn't have a car therefore he doesn't have car insurance... If he were to get into an accident driving my car or get a ticket, would my insurance go up? I have full coverage and the insurance company said he and I would be covered. But I was wondering if my insurance would go up if he were to get pulled over or get into an accident.""

17 year old insurance?

I am 17 years old i've had my license for 5 months without an accident, what would the average cost be for low coverage auto insurance for a 88 chevy v8 4x4 truck on an adults insurance? Im just looking for a close estimate.""

Car Insurance?

My car insurance renews in january.. what if I pay it all off say by april, but then I get a new car in May does the insurance transfer over and I pay the difference for the new car? and what if I didn't pay off all the insurance but got a new car would I not have to pay off the rest of the balance? I never understood this.. thank youu""

Which Governor of California made car insurance a requirement?

I was just wondering why car insurance companies make millions in profits and suck the money out of us (car insurance payers). But Since it is not a federal requirement to have insurance. It exist in a state level. so yea which governor of california made car insurance a requirement to have ? :)

Cheap car insurance?

where can i get cheap car insurance 4 a young driver on a fiat punto?? pleasssss(in the uk)

Getting into a car accident with a 16-year-old uninsured driver?

I live in San Diego, California. I recently got into a car accident with a 16-year-old uninsured driver, who was using his mother's car at the time and had two underaged passengers. I was in a business area (25 MPH) and I was switching lanes into the right lane. I had my right hand blinker on and was in the process of switching lanes. The 16-year-old driver was speeding and quickly hit my front right end. I had a witness - who reported two things - with the police, he reported that the 16-year-old tried to avoid me by getting into the bike lane, but then reported with my insurance company that the 16-year-old ran straight into my car at 50 MPH. They are currently finding me 80% at fault because of the police report. The police report was obviously misrepresented. What steps can I take to fix this?""

What are insurance premiums?

I received a letter in the mail saying they will pay me back my insurance premiums.. Is it cash or what? I have no idea what they are...

How to explain therapy on health insurance application?

I graduated from a University of California last quarter and now I'm applying for health insurance. For my last year as a student, I took advantage of the counseling services offered at my school. I took part in therapy because it helped me get through the stress of an extremely difficult course load during my last few quarters. To be honest, I would not have gone to therapy if it hadn't been 100% covered by my student health insurance. I was never prescribed any medication, I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, and I don't intend to start seeing one again any time in the foreseeable future. Obviously, I have no choice but to write that I've seen a psychologist for mental/emotional reasons. The question is how do I explain it so that it causes the least harm to my application? Do you think this is something I should be concerned about?""

First time car insurance?

i have been driving my parents car for about a year now and i am going to buy my own car. i am buying a 1.3 Ford KA 07 registration i am female and 19 do you have any tips for getting good insurance and reasonably priced insurance? i am aware it will be expensive. i am looking for fully comp insurance also does anyone have any experience with coop car insurance where they fit a smart box to your car and measure your driving?

Do I have to have a job that offers dental insurance to get it?

how do I find an easy and affordable dental insurace that will aceept people that are self-employed?

What's a good homeowners insurance in California?

A friend of mine just bought a home for the first time. She wants to know if there's any recommended insurance for homes in California.. particularly Fresno, CA if anybody is familiar with any. Thanks in advance. Any suggestions or direction will do.""

""How much does house insurance cost on a $500,000 house?""

How much does house insurance cost on a $500,000 house?""

""I need auto insurance, I am 17?""

Ok, So I really need auto insurance, Looking to spend a good price per year for insurance, what is the cheapest insurance company??? How much do you pay per year? Thanks, I am tring to get insurance asap!!!! Thanks.. I need to drive to school and I am a senior""

Car insurance help in NC?

If your insurance is canceled will I have to pay to get the tag legal again,if so how much.Thanks in advance :)""

Cheapest car to insure and run?

So in all your opinions what is a cheap car both to run and insure? Also, would a 2000-2001 vehicle make much difference to an insurer?""

""Whats a cheap military car insurance, with low down payment?""

i know usaa, but i want options.. im in florida.. if that makes a difference""

Do auto insurance companies have to look at your driving record?

I have never had a vilolation. My husband has. He had one in 2006 for running a red light and one in 2008 for driving too fast for conditions. Well naturally this has given me higher payments. I was with Liberty Mutual and for liability only (my car isn't worth full coverage) I was paying $124 a month. My husbands pay was cut drastically at work so I was shopping around for cheaper insurance. I called Geico and they offered me liability for $55 a month. She came on and asked if I knew he had two tickets and at the time I didn't because I didn't know my husband in 2006. The lady told me my payments were going to be $144 with them and when I told her no she put me on hold. When she returned she offered me the $55. She read back to me everything I am getting which is a lot more than what I was getting from Liberty Mutual for a lot less price. Is it possible they just dissmissed the report to gain us as customers? I was cooking dinner at the time and my kids started playing loud so all I really heard was cha ching lol.

Can you find a insurance quote for a car ie rover 45 on a y registered plate?

please find list of car insurance firms

Health insurance for low income college student?

I was just wondering if anyone had some suggestions for reasonably priced health insurance in Minnesota. I am very physically active, do a lot of running and weight lifting; so my primary concerns are coverage for treatments involving possible breaks, fractures, muscle and tendon tears/breaks, and other things of that nature common with active individuals. Preferably something under $100/month because I am in school and with my current income I am lucky to average $800/month take home. Any help/direction would be greatly appreciated because I have not had health insurance for 9 years since I was no longer eligible for my mothers health insurance.

Does anyone know cheap car insurance for 26 year old female?

Does anyone know cheap car insurance for 26 year old female?

Can i stay on my parents health insurance after i am 18 and not a full time student?

I am 17 years old, I will be 18 in september. I just graduated high school and decided not to pursue a higher education at this time. I have heard with the obama health care plan that i can stay on my parents health insurance until i am 26. But i have also heard this doesn't take place until 2014. And i Have heard that you have to be a full time student. So i would like a simple answer that's easy to understand, preferably with a sited source for me to look up. Will i lose my health insurance in 2010 if i am not a full time college student and over the age of 18??? I live in california if that makes any difference as far as the health care plans go. Thanks and appreciate it :)""

Which type of ticket goes on your insurance?

I know a speeding ticket will show up on your insurance and cause it to be quite a bit more than it was, but do any other less than obvious types affect your insurance? For example, my town has a completely pointless ordinance in which their residents are not allowed to park their cars in the street between the hours of 2 AM and 6 AM, unless you call the police that night and let them know that your car will be in the street, and then they'll just ignore your car if they see it. Well, I decided to rebel and not call last night, so, I wake up this morning to find a nice (still cheap, luckily) ticket on my window. I didn't call because I have gotten away with it each time before, so I figured maybe they don't check my neighborhood. Go figure. But I just don't want my insurance going up because of this and I'm not sure if all tickets are sent to the insurance company. Thanks in advance!""

Insurance help! Tennessee?

My bf moved here from west virginia... he has to big health problems one life threatening... He needs cheap insurance but i dont know anything about insurance. hes 23. can anyone help me or know of any type of insurance??????? It would be appreciated..

What happens if I get caught without car insurance?

I'm 16 and I live in AZ. What would happen if I was caught driving my mom's car without insurance? I have my license and never got caught breaking the law. What would happen to me? Car insurance is about 150 a month and I could buy a new car instead of paying that.

""Car insurance for me is too expensive in the UK, can I buy it abroad?""

I'm 18 and recently passed my test. For a basic 1L car the cheapest insurance I can find is 3000. I've been looking for 3 weeks and it's the best quote I could find. I cannot afford this so would it be possible to buy insurance from another country in the EU, since i've heard insurance is cheaper over there? I know insurance for teens is very expensive, but that sum is a ridiculous amount to pay for a car worth half the insurance value. I realise it might sound like a stupid question but I have exhausted all my other options and this is the only thing left I could think of that would be a possibility. Any useful information would be helpful, thanks.""

Does anyone know a very cheap insurance group to go through if i am 17 and have an mg zr?

i have an mg zr trophy plus 1.4 and am wondering if anyone knows cheap insurance company that can make my life easier

""What are the insurance range for a CBR600RR, beginner drive with 5 years of ecxcellent SUV driving expereinces

I live in So. Cal and want to purchase the CBR600RR (06-08 model) how much insurance should I expect to pay for this car?

Average rate of malpractice insurance for nurses?

So I want to be a nurse and I was wondering how much it costs. And do most nurses have it or not? Also I live in TX and will be a nurse here so any info will be appreciated thanks :)

How much do fillings cost without dental insurance?

So, I went to the dentist today and got a regular cleaning done. The dentist told me I had 4 small cavities. Her prices for fillings are Composite(white) fillings - $150 per tooth Silver fillings - $80 per tooth I don't have dental insurance. I was wondering if her prices are expensive or not? Should I go to another dentist and check for the prices there? Thanks""

Car insurance for a 1993 Toyota Celica? ?

How much would car insurance be for a 1993 Toyota Celica? I will be 21 in August, have a clean driving record, no accidents, married with a child. I am a full time college student with a 3.2 GPA. How much should I expect for car insurance per month? The car has 160,000 miles on it. Please, no advertising websites, just real answers. Thanks!""

""Progressive auto insurance wants me to show proof of health insurance, what do I send?""

I signed up for Medicaid (Michigan) a couple weeks ago and picked a health plan, but I won't get my health plan card until June 1st. I just got Progressive auto insurance today ...show more""

What is the cost of insurance for children and teens?

How much does insurance cost for a child from age 2 to 12? What about for a teen (from age 12 to 18)? Please list these costs separately. Thanks so very much. I really appreciate this. It's for a school project in case you are wondering. =)

Has anyone had a negative experience with Progressive Insurance Company?

Has anyone had a negative experience with Progressive Insurance Company?

How can I get auto insurance in my name when the car is registered in someone else's name?

My mom currently has a loan on my car in her name in California. My car is registered in California, but because my husband is active duty military, we relocated to South Carolina. Is there a way I can obtain insurance in my name without being a registered owner?""

Why do you not want to buy insurance?

I'm a believer of having protection and that's why I joined the industry as an agent. I do not like to force sell to buy so I'm here trying to collect the possible reasons to why people are not paying attention to getting themselves covered. Also, what do you understand about insurance?""

Is it true you get percent off your insurance?

like i have a drivers ed. class and im 16. u need to pass the drivers ed test with a 80+, but my friend said if you get a 90 or above you get like money off of your insurance. I just wanted to know if that statement is true?Oh and i live in NJ""

Is it compulsory to have comprehensive insurance for car or 3rd party ins is sufficient?

any diff for having insurance for new/old/second hand car?

Honda s2000 insurance cost ?

im sixteen and i live in florida. My parents are buying me a s2000 and i wanted to know about the insurance cost? Would it be cheaper to be added on my parents plan or have a single plan?

Question about a car accident insurance?

i was crashed into yesterday by some one who ran a red light, we made a police report and the man has claimed responsibility, he told me not to notify the insurance company and that he would have someone take care of the damage himself, the total estimate was 1856.00 dollars, he said he does not have the money to pay me but will have his :friend do the repairs for him, keep in mind this does not include car rentals fees and the inconvenience of not having my vehicle for a week, I'm set on ignoring this man and calling my insurance company today, my question is what should I do, I'm right for just ignoring this man who seams to have mental issues and going straight threw the insurance.""

How much has disability insurance rates increased in the last 5 years? 10 years?

I am 30 years old female trying to decide whether I can afford disability insurance with the noncancelable.

How much is my car payment and insurance?

Hey, everyone else is asking the same 2 stupid questions, now it's my turn!""

What things can a teen do to help lower the cost of car insurance?

I'm sixteen and seventh months, and plan on getting my license in about two months. But money is a little tight now at my house, and when my brother got his license on his sixteenth birthday (two years ago) the car insurance my parents pay for jumped an extra 1200 dollars a year. So what can a teen do to lower the cost? IE; what type of car should I be driving, the best time to get my license, etc. I'm willing to hear any ideas. :) Oh and if it means anything, my parents are with State Farm. Thanks in advance for the help.""

How does car insurance work?

I got my driver's license last January when I turned 16. Our family only drives one car. My dad has insurance for our car under his name. Do I need insurance under MY name to drive the car too?

What is the average insurance rate for a slk 350 2013?

I am looking for an estimate but I don't want to put in all my information don't want all these people calling me.

Health insurance for low income college student?

I was just wondering if anyone had some suggestions for reasonably priced health insurance in Minnesota. I am very physically active, do a lot of running and weight lifting; so my primary concerns are coverage for treatments involving possible breaks, fractures, muscle and tendon tears/breaks, and other things of that nature common with active individuals. Preferably something under $100/month because I am in school and with my current income I am lucky to average $800/month take home. Any help/direction would be greatly appreciated because I have not had health insurance for 9 years since I was no longer eligible for my mothers health insurance.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-does-cost-replace-in-dash-navigation-system-cover-henderson"

[billssefton]

I’m supposed to hide that I was a stay-at-home mom, rude receptionist, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I was told to hide that I used to be a stay-at-home mom

I had a very strange review yesterday, where my boss shared some feedback that she received from another leader in our organization. Basically I was told that I should stop telling people that I was once a stay-at home mom, as it could negatively impact my growth in this organization.

To be clear, this is not something that generally comes up in my work environment and it’s certainly not something I regularly talk about as I have been back to work for six years now and my work has nothing to do with kids or parenting. Over that period I have successfully grown from an individual contributor to a manager and recently to a director-level position. My reviews have all be stellar and my boss was clearly uncomfortable sharing this feedback, but share she did.

It took me a bit to realize where the feedback originated and then I recalled that last year I was nominated to work on a special project designed to elevate the visibility of emerging leaders in the organization. The year-long project involved designing a product intended for stay-at-home moms. Through the course of this project, there were times that certain designs resonated with me and I would say something like, “when I was a stay-at-home mom, this would really have helped me.” It was always in the context of how my personal experience could help us create a better product. I honestly don’t think the feedback related to me sharing this information too frequently, but was intended as a caution to share this information at all.

I don’t think having been a stay-at-home mom is a dirty little secret to keep hidden; in fact, I am proud of the work I did during those years, which included both hard work at home and balancing several volunteer leadership roles. I feel like I am being asked to adjust my narrative to cater to someone else’s bias and I am disappointed in my boss that she shared it with me. On the other hand … well, is there another hand? Should I just let this go as another example of bias that exists and through which I need to navigate? Or should I have a heart-to-heart with my boss highlighting how inappropriate this was? I would love some advice about what to do with this strange feedback.

Yeah, that’s messed up.

Is the person who shared this feedback with your boss someone who will have a lot of influence on your career in this company? If so, I’d take it as a useful information about things that might unfairly impact you in this company. But if she’s not, I wouldn’t put a ton of weight on it; she’s one person with a kooky viewpoint.

But I do think it’s worth going back to your boss and saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about the feedback you passed on to me from Jane about not saying that at one point I was a stay-at-home mom. I haven’t been able to make any sense of it — many people are stay-at-home parents at some point in their lives, and many go on to have successful careers. I’m curious to know your take on what she said. Do you agree with her, or does it seem like off-base feedback to you?”

You might find out that she thinks it’s ridiculous but felt obligated to pass it along (either because the person is influential enough that it seemed relevant or because she’s one of those managers who passes along everything without applying her own judgment to it). Or you might find out she agrees, which would be useful to know about her. Depending on how the conversation goes, at some point you might say, “I think we’re in dangerous territory if we’re saying the company would be biased against moms who used to stay home with their kids. If leaders here really think that, that’s awfully unfriendly to women and parents, and seems like a potential legal liability.”

2. Our receptionist is rude to people

We have a coordinator in our office who is our receptionist. She’s the first to answer the phone, and she is the first one clients see when they walk in the door. A big part of her job is customer service, but lately I’ve received complaints about her interactions with people — two from other departments and two from customers.

It has been very surprising to me because she is so friendly with me and the manager in the office (it’s just us three in our office). She’s upbeat, bubbly, friendly, etc. My office is in the back of our suite, so I cannot overhear her interactions with people, and same for the manager. The complaints I have received say that she is rude, difficult to work with, unfriendly, etc., but when I asked for the specific conversation no one has been able to say “I said X and she said Y.”

I’ve spoken with her once about this in the past because I had received other complaints. During the conversation, she got very quiet and just said she’d do better. She didn’t try to rebut the complaints or say they were wrong. It seemed like there was improvement based on some of my office creeping (literally standing around the corner while she was on the phone so I could overhear). But today I got two more complaints, same with the rude, unfriendly, etc. and no specific example. One of the complainers asked me if there was a way to work directly with me as he wanted to avoid any interaction with the front desk because he says it is so bad.

I obviously need to do something, but I’m not sure how to fix this since I already talked to her once. Other than this, she is a stellar employee. Her work is quick, perfect, and she’s very proactive. I’ve asked before if she felt overwhelmed and she said no. I thought maybe that could have been causing her stress and that’s where the behavior came from. What do you think? How do I handle this the second time around? I really like her and see her moving up in our office. She’s rather young and this is one of her first jobs so then I wondered if maybe it could be inexperience? But maybe I like her so much that I’m just trying to make excuses for her.

If people aren’t telling you that it’s about specific language, my bet is that it’s about manner — that she’s coming across as annoyed, brusque, put-upon, or unhelpful. You shouldn’t drill customers for details, but go back to the internal complaints you’ve received and ask those people to tell you more about what’s going on. (Frame this as “I want to better understand so that I can coach her,” not as “you need to prove this to me before I act on it.”)

Then, talk to your receptionist. Tell her about the feedback you’re hearing and ask what she thinks is going on. This should be a dialogue — not just you relaying the complaints and telling her she needs to do better. Really talk to her and try to figure out what’s happening and why.

It’s reasonable to have one of the measures of success for her job be “people come away from their interactions with you feeling you were warm and helpful.” Be very clear to her about that, and paint a picture of what that looks like — for example, “If you’re stressed or annoyed by a request, the person you’re talking to shouldn’t pick up on that. We want them to feel that you’re looking for ways to make their lives easier, rather than that they’re inconveniencing you.” You might even try role-playing some particularly tricky interactions and coaching her on how to respond.

But ultimately, you can’t have someone in that role who’s alienating people, especially customers. So really stay on this — find more opportunities to observe when she’s talking to people, and follow up with other people internally for feedback. Now that you know there’s a problem, you want to proactively monitor it — don’t just wait to see if other complaints show up.

3. I don’t want my partner to take a job on my team

I was recently hired after a months-long job search because a friend (Fergus) recommended me for a position in his company (Company X). I’m really excited about the work and I liked the team and manager when I met them in the interview. I’ll start in a few weeks.

My partner has also been looking for a job for the last several months; he is quite miserable at his current company. He and I work in the same field, so Fergus recommended him for a position at Company X as well. It now looks like Company X is moving forward with my partner’s application, and will be interviewing him in the upcoming week. He will be interviewing for the same team that hired me. The position for which he is interviewing does not report to mine, or vice versa.

Before I accepted the job, I didn’t think that I would have a problem with Company X interviewing both my partner and me. Now that I have the position, though, I’m having second thoughts about working together. I’d like to think we can be completely professional with each other at work, but I recognize that working on the same team as your partner has many potential pitfalls (professional and personal). I brought this up with my partner, who acknowledges my concern but wants to move forward with the interview. He thinks any awkwardness that might result from our working together would be worth it if he can leave his current position.

I’d feel pretty selfish about asking my partner to withdraw his application from Company X, knowing how miserable he is now. But I’m really concerned and tempted to push back harder. Is it reasonable to not want to work on the same team as your partner? Am I overreacting, especially since he doesn’t have the job yet?

I also have a few logistical questions about this. If Company X continues to be interested in his application, when/how/by whom should our relationship be reported? And if Company X hires him, what kinds of boundaries do successful coworker couples negotiate to keep everyone on the team comfortable and maintain professionalism?

It is so reasonable not to want to work on the same team as your partner. There are all sorts of ways that it can end up being bad for your personally and professionally. You aren’t overreacting — this is a really big thing, and it’s not the kind of thing your partner should move forward with if you’re not okay with it.

I get that you’d feel selfish about vetoing it since he’s so unhappy with his current job, but it truly does have the potential to cause real problems for both of you. And what he’s proposing would be a fundamental change to the conditions of your own new job, which you should get to sign off on. I get that he’s unhappy in his current job and desperate to get out, but he does have a job; taking this one isn’t the difference between him being able to eat and not being able to eat. And there are other jobs and other teams out there.

If he moves forward anyway, he should alert his interviewer to the relationship — saying something like, “I should mention that my partner, Jane Smith, was just hired on this team and starts in a few weeks. I wanted to up-front about that in case you wouldn’t want both of us working on the same team.” And there’s advice here about boundaries you’d both need to have. But I really hope he won’t move forward with this if you tell him you’re not comfortable with it.

4. My student employee lied on his resume and said he was a director

I managed a student employee, Benjen, for about six months. Those were a tumultuous six months where we had a lot going on, absent directors, etc. I got a new job and Benjen, a part-time grad student, had to step into my old role more than he should have had to. I was happy to stay in contact with him and help him where I could after I left. Benjen was in way over his head and it wasn’t his fault.

When he left a few months later, I was happy to help with his resume. He was a great employee! Well, after a few revisions he sent me his final resume … and he claimed he was the director of the department for the ENTIRE job duration. He was never even full-time, and I wasn’t even a director. That was two levels above me.

I dropped the ball in responding to his last resume, which was months ago. I was so mad at his self-promotion that I just didn’t respond. 

Now I’ve been contacted by someone for a reference on him and it turns out I’m still angry and I’m not sure how to give a reference. HE WASN’T A DIRECTOR!

Tell the truth. This is the whole point of references — as a way to verify the information candidates are self-reporting and to learn more about them. Talk to the reference checker and be very clear that he was a student employee, not a director. (And if you can only speak to the six months where you overlapped, be clear about what those dates were. If there’s any chance he was actually given the director title after you left — which sounds very unlikely — you want to be clear about that and careful to say that you’re only speaking to the time period you were there.)

Frankly, it also makes sense to write back to Benjen now and say, “I’m confused about the title you’ve listed. You were a part-time student employee while you worked with me, not a director. You definitely can’t send it out with this on it.”

5. How often is too often to have a reference contact a firm I’m interviewing with?

I’m wrapping up a graduate program in just a couple months and am currently job searching in my city. I’ve been lucky enough to have a short-term job for the past year in my new field where the managers I work for have offered to be generous with their advice and connections as I search.

I recently applied to a job at a related firm where one of the managers I’ve worked with over the year has connections. I asked him to put in a good word for me, which he did with someone who is not the hiring manager, and I’m not sure if the message got through to the hiring manager. I did receive a first round interview, and now, after a month delay, have been asked back for a second interview. This interview will be with the hiring manager and a staff member of the firm’s client, with which the open position works regularly. This staff member is another person that my manager knows and with whom he shares professional contacts and interests.

Should I ask my manager to put in another good word for me to the firm’s client? How many times can I ask for these kinds of favors from my generous manager (particularly as this would be two for the same job), before I “overask my welcome”? Assuming this potential employer did get the message the first time, how many of these kinds of informal references are helpful as opposed to annoying? And just generally, any advice on using informal references to get your resume to the top of a pile or to reinforce an interview?

You’ve already used this reference for this job, so I wouldn’t use him again for the same job; that would be overkill. If the firm handles input about candidates well, they will have shared the reference’s feedback with the hiring manager, and it would be odd to then have the same reference approach that client as well.

If there you have other references who know the hiring manager, you could have one or two of them contact her. But only if they know her, and only if they haven’t already mentioned you to her previously.

You may also like:

ask the readers: starting work after being a stay-at-home parent

can I ask my manager to tell sick people to stay at home?

I don’t want my employees working from home as frequently as they currently do

I’m supposed to hide that I was a stay-at-home mom, rude receptionist, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from Ask a Manager http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/im-supposed-to-hide-that-i-was-a-stay-at-home-mom-rude-receptionist-and-more.html

[favouriteworstnightmarexo-blog]

Pray for Me

"Whore"

"Devil"

"Slut"

"Witch"

Each and every insult casually rolls off of the tips of the tongues of the masses, violently ringing in my ears as I'm led in the line of a procession of 6 women. They hang their heads as if in shame, treading as though they carry the weight of the world on their hunched shoulders. Back and forth the crowd, dressed in rags and old word clothing, jostle, desperately wanting to get a good view.. but of what? At first I don't understand why all of these people are gathered, but then the procession ahead comes to a grinding halt and I am forced to look up at the most gruesome sight I have ever laid eyes upon. Up ahead stands a hangman's scaffold, proud and overbearing against the backdrop of the glorious ruby red sky.

“Move” shouts a rough, unfriendly voice in my ear as I feel the force of a boot kick against the backs of my knees to spur me into a forwards motion. It is then as my arms jolt out in front of me to steady myself that I notice and feel the heaviness of the iron shackles at my wrists. I notice the way mothers protectively recoil from my swaying body, pulling their children in close as though I am ridden with plague. It is then than I tremble uncontrollably with the realisation that the angry faces and accusatory fingers are all being pointed at me. It is then that I realise that I am not merely a spectator but that I am part of the procession being lead to their frightful end, and all of these people have gathered to see me die.

“This is a mistake. I haven’t done anything. I haven’t” I scream at the top of my lungs, desperate for someone to hear me and end this farce. Every instinct in my body is telling me to run, to escape and save myself, but all at once there is a harsh palm against the base of my spine, ruthlessly pushing me onwards until I am forced to stand at the foot of the uneven steps leading to the scaffold. I am rooted to the spot, forlorn and fumbling with the shackles in the naive hope that I might be able to miraculously free myself from this disastrous fate. With bated breath I watch the figures of the condemned women before me taking their designated places beneath the noose set to end their existence. Each one is secured around their slender throats as they snivel and wail, muttering pitiful pleas of innocence and forgiveness while the executioners dutifully Tighten the ropes. Then it’s as if time stops and all eyes fall on me, expectant and impatiently waiting for me to take up my ‘rightful’ place. I can’t. I physically can’t bring myself to move. Already I feel dead inside. Numb. It’s as if my heart has suddenly stopped and my brain has given up on me, Amethyst the lost cause. There is no way out of this - the notion hits me as hard as a ton of bricks, leaving me heaving for air as the tears begin to stream down my cheeks like a river that has burst its banks. I can’t die. I’m too young to die. What about my family? What about grandmother? She’ll have no one left. I don’t even know why I’m here nor what I’ve done. What did I do that was so bad to warrant my death?

A forceful hand secures itself around the chain binding my shackles, impatiently dragging me up the steps despite the flailing of my legs and the twisting of my upper body. “Please, please. Stop this. I can’t die. I don’t want to die. Let me go. You’ve made a mistake.” I cry so loud my throat begins to burn whilst my stomach knots uncontrollably as I am yanked towards the swaying noose like a doll that can be thrown every which way possible. All at once I’m held by the shoulders, gagging at the stale scent of ale and sweat coming off of those greedy to earn their coin when I’m hoisted onto the stool at my feet. I sway back and forth, once again trying to stabilise myself though I am internally panicking at the prospect of snapping my own neck from stumbling. My shoulders are gripped so hard that I wince, convinced there will be bruises left by the roughness of the grip that surrenders me to the hangman as he secures a hand around my throat before bringing the noose over my head. Without a second thought for the life about to be snatched away, he tightens the rope and steps back to cast a proud eye over the distraught faces of us women lined up before him. I grimace as his eyes meet mine, the coins in his pocket clashing while he flashes me a sickening grin to display his yellowing teeth. It’s a look that says ‘I can’t wait till it’s your turn’. His heavy boots cause the floorboards of the scaffold to creak as he strolls back towards the first girl, ignoring her wailing as he kicks the stool from beneath her to pull the rope taut. There are jeers and whistles from the crowd. I close my eyes at the sound of the rope creaking, desperately trying to eradicate images of her frail body twisting against the force of her fall whilst she gasps for her last final breaths. My tears begin to flow while my body shivers against the easterly wind whipping across the courtyard, my ears aching with the choked last whispers of the women beside me. I know nothing of them, not their names nor their crime. I know not where they are from nor their age nor occupation and yet still I empathise with them. I feel their hearts bleed for the lives they will never have. I ache desperately for the love they will never share. I know at once that they are like me, unfairly subjected to the terrors and prejudices of a cruel, cruel world. We are one in the same.

The creaking grows louder and louder until I am finally the last one standing. I hear the heavy intakes of breath in the crowd, the suspense building by the second, and it’s then that I decide to open my eyes, to take one last look at the world. And then it all becomes clear. In the crowd stands @VileZealot, and at his hip is a girl the spitting image of me. A girl with my freckles and my curls, with my blue eyes and my full mouth, but I can tell from the wicked glint in her eye that she is not me. I can tell from the way her arms possessively encircle his waist that she is in fact Elizabeth Howe - the ancestor that has haunted my adolescence - and that it is her place upon this scaffold that I have taken. I am paying for her wrongs, and she is taking my place in the arms of the man that I love. She is stealing my love and my life, leaving me to pay the price for the suffering she has caused. She glares at me and, even when he dips his head to press his mouth firmly against hers, she is watching me. She is revelling in the sight of me at death’s door for she knows she has won as the stool is kicked from beneath me and I descend into a thick blanket of darkness...

━ ❖ ━

I wake with a start, sitting bolt upright in my bed whilst my shirt sticks to my spine from the sweat coating my skin. I reach for my lamp, squinting violently as the brightness illuminates the four walls of my bedroom. Upon my bedside table stands a vase containing roses in full bloom brought for me by.. Sage. My brows crease in confusion.

He was in my dream.

With her.

And I was...

“No. It can’t have been real. Of course it can’t. It was just a dream, Amethyst” I tell myself in a scolding manner, half laughing of the ridiculousness of the paranoia racing through me. It was a dream. That’s all. A nightmare like all the others. Simply something to forget.

I climb from my bed and stumble towards the bathroom, desperately trying to avoid the creaking floorboards and disturbing my grandmother’s sleep. The last thing I need is her asking questions I don’t wish to answer. I step inside the bathroom and fumble for the light switch, Sleepily rubbing my eyes with the backs of my hands as the light flickers into action overhead. I bend over the basin to run the tap, splashing my face with ice cold water as if to cleanse myself of the dark thoughts tormenting my mind and my heart. Straightening my petite frame, I elicit a groan at the creaking of my spine before suddenly releasing a shrill, animalistic scream. All at once I clutch at my mouth with my hands, recoiling with a shiver while my breathing becomes frantic and I fall against the edge of the bath.

There on the bathroom mirror inscribed in blood is four little words. It’s a message. A warning.

It’s a promise;

“I’m coming for you.”

#erysimumdeitas solos

[policingwomenssexuality-blog]

Society’s Expectations: Analysis from The Naked Screen

In the film La Pantalla Desnuda by Florence Jaugey, it showed the struggle of a young woman, Esperanza, who was recorded while having sex with her boyfriend, then having the video leaked on the internet by his best friend, Octavio. In this piece, I’m going to argue about the idea of women being disrespected because of the unequal gender relations that places expectations on young women. If men were to call out women and have intercourse with them, they would be applauded for it. Yet, since Esperanza is a girl, she was ashamed and sexually, verbally, and physically harassed. Jaugey represented the unequal gender relations by showing how Esperanza was harassed, because she had sexual intercourse.

In the bathroom scene, Jaugey conveyed the idea of society’s treatment towards young women. Esperanza walked out of the bathroom stall while noticing the girls waiting in line. A couple of girls then start to mock Esperanza by trying to sound like her from the video. Esperanza hurts out of the restroom then runs into Alex, her boyfriend. This scene incorporates how society disrespects her and does not show support, even when they know she has been through enough. In the scene after running into Alex, the girls who mocked her walk by them and Esperanza calls them out for being rude to her and the girls talk back to her in a disrespectful matter. It is the idea that men will support each other for hooking up with a woman but will not respect each other in that matter. Connecting to another scene, where Alex was approached by a male student in his school and said to him “nice video” in an exciting-proud way, patting him on the back. Alex then pushed him away aggressively. This supports the idea that men show pride for each other for things such as this. Meaning it is okay for men as if it is some kind of game. Here, Esperanza was mocked and bullied for it by her own gender. Including the scene at the end of the film, where Esperanza was taken by two male strangers in a truck. She was physically being assaulted by one of them then thrown out of the truck after they used her for sexual pleasure.

A song called “Bandera Negra” by Rebecca Lane was released in 2014. The point of this song was to express the idea that women do not need to “wear skirts” to receive respect. How women are only called out by how pretty they are. Her words go towards a man’s masculinity and how she does not need a “cock to rock”, which was written on a poster in the music video. She exposed the idea of breaking the norms, breaking away from female roles. She expressed women’s empowerment, helping them value their gender, as a female. Rebecca expressed women’s empowerment a lot more than Jaugey’s film, the scene of Alex being kicked out of Esperanza’s house by her mother, showed empowerment and strength. Esperanza’s mother pushed him away knowing that what society has done to her daughter, got her into something more than it should not have. Which goes towards all the scenes where Esperanza was being sexually harassed by people who did not know her. Esperanza showed empowerment by ending the relationship between her and Alex, making the final decision.

Going into the topic for men’s masculinity, Alex and Octavio conveyed two different types of it. Octavio played the tough, influenced type while Alex played the soft sided, nonstandard type. In the breakfast scene of the film, Octavio was eating breakfast with Alex and his family. Alex’s father talked about the hunting trip they went on before breakfast, then started expressing how Alex was “not a man”. Alex’s response was “is it brave to kill defenseless animals?” since Octavio showed his side of masculinity during their hunt. Alejandro, Alex’s father, defined his son’s actions as not fitting in the lines of the dominant norms.

However, Octavio demonstrated his dominant side of masculinity by showing that he cannot be messed with. In the pool table scene, Octavio and Alex were playing a game of pool against two other friends of theirs. Then, Alex lost the game due to a distraction with his cell phone and Octavio became angry at him, so he took Alex’s cell phone without him knowing. That is one view on how Octavio aimed to affirm his performance on masculinity, which motivated him to betray Alex. He showed what should happen if he was not taken seriously and that lead to him uploading the video of Esperanza all over the internet.

In the film, Jaugey does not necessarily convey the idea of women’s empowerment in a good way. In my opinion, I believe she made the women in the film, who harassed Esperanza, act tough towards her to show reality of society and how they will treat you. In fact, the women portrayed a disrespectful role towards her, to show signs of power, not being there for her. The only woman who was truly there for her was her mother and she showed support. She was defending her daughter to anyone who talked about her in a bad way. In a way, that is a small idea of women’s empowerment, just by truly being there for each other, woman to woman.

The roles we each play in society, no matter which gender, there will always be unequal relations. Society imposes norms on different genders, however its harder for women. There is an extra push for female roles, such as “not to have sex until marriage”, which is what society in Esperanza’s city inputted it on. Both male and female roles are treated unfairly, not giving the same roles. For example, women need to get dressed up and put on make-up for men to connect feelings for them, romantically. For men, they tend to have the feeling to act tough and brave like. Show no emotion to make the women feel safe. They would rather keep their problems inside than get help, to show they are “man enough” to handle anything. Males have implied the idea that “getting help” is for the weak. Octavio played that concept in a way. In Jaugey’s film, his mother ended up helping him getting ride off Alex’s cellphone. Octavio did not ask for help, he did not tell anyone about his plan, he kept it all to himself. In the end, he got away with it all, felt superior thinking that if he was able to get away with this type of situation, then he can get out of any situation. He did not receive any consequences, which put on an extra layer of “manliness.” Then lead him to continue messing with Esperanza in the very last scene, he got carried away.

Malu, a graffiti street artist, has had a theme of expressing those who aren’t valued enough, through the work of paint. Her idea of those people were mostly bus drivers and market vendors, painted as portraits. This topic comes up in my argument because Malu’s portraits are women. She expressed women’s empowerment by showing their importance. She created two images of two separate women, each one had the emotion of pride in their facial expression. Malu succeeded in the message of value and how women aren’t treated with much respect. She stated “…normally these are people you pass by and don’t see and don’t value. I like to treat them as if they were saints.” This is an example of women being there and supporting each other, instead of harassing each other such as what Esperanza experienced.

In conclusion, I would like to end my argument with the idea that no matter who you know and where you are, you cannot trust anyone. As Alex trusted Octavio, there was no “happily ever after” ending for anyone. Most men will try to act tough while others show true strength by expressing passion, instead of violence. Women will judge each other and act as if they are higher power than others, no matter who you are that is the reality of it today. All over the world, there are women trying to convey the same idea, trying to be equal with men, receive respect for who they are, not how pretty they are. There are also men trying to help these women out because they believe it is not fair, they believe that the role women need to play to satisfy society is ridiculous. We each expect certain aspects from both genders due to the way we were taught to. How the color blue is for boys, and the color pink is for girls. Jaugey incorporated an amazing film with an ending as real as it is. I believe the message she tried conveying was that life is not a movie and we cannot expect any happy endings for whichever the situation is. Even if it is something as small as scrape to a knee, you will be okay, however the scar will always be there.

[msjoyful23-blog]

Black in Corporate America

I never imagined during my collegiate days that I would still struggle with being African American working for Fortune 500 and global companies. It's a thought that never crossed my mind as I sat in my business classes with professors who walked the walk before me. They would lecture on working harder than everyone else, on making friends with the folks in the mailroom, and learning how to play the "corporate game". All of these things went over my naive head in the early 90s. I suspect it's because I went to private school from first to twelfth grade and I never experienced being treated unfairly by my teachers or any classmates for that matter. I was smart and never felt any type of way. I knew it existed with some of my other classmates being called a nigger and the like but it didn't affect me the way it does now. I guess you can say I wasn't "woke" in my teens the way some of these young people are in today's racial climate. I was more concerned with watching "The Box", watching Soap Operas, and hanging with my friends. I wasn't versed on the Regan and republican politics nor did I care. As a college student, my focus was on graduating not on Bill Clinton's crime bill. I voted for him and even helped with his campaign but that's where my interest ended. Eighteen years in Corporate America. Almost two decades of being a professional and productive member of society. I have a Masters degree in Business with a concentration in Accounting. I'm the real deal...I'm a woman...a Black woman...with a MBA...and a tax accountant! I'm dangerous and so I've learned over these past eighteen years I'm not wanted. As I've matured over the years I've learned to ignore that part, but all of the other stressors shine the light on the fact that we African Americans deal with some very heavy obstacles that few seem to be able to manage. I've seen it over and over countless times of disparities in the workplace that plague us from city to city and company to company. It doesn't matter how great a company's diversity programs are there will always be an employee or two or a hundred who don't buy into the company's million dollar program on inclusion and diversity. And somehow I often end up reporting directly to the aforementioned employee and I'm not sure how I survived this long. My Dad in all his infinite wisdom told me very early in life to become an entrepreneur. He had the right ideas but no advice how to execute and after seeing his business fail, I decided working for someone else was safer. I wish I had listened to him or asked more questions. I always rolled my eyes and blew him off because let's face it African Americans don't have access to capital and resources to start businesses. We don't even support our own community entrepreneurs and I wasn't going to be any different. So like those books I used to read when I was a kid where you had a choice of an ending by choosing a certain page, I chose Corporate America and turned to page 97. My mother often says that I'm the most resourceful person she knows and that I can find out anything. I wish I had drawn from her faith in me and started my own business. But no I chose page 97 so here I am. The lure of Corporate America is of course the money, status, benefits, and holidays off. Unless you went to FAMU's School of Business and Industry (shameless plug) no one tells you of the unspoken stress that affects those of us bamboozled, lead astray, and run amuck by a form of modern day slavery. As a Black woman I have to constantly combat stereotypes of the "angry black woman". I constantly wonder if getting upset in front of my coworkers adds fuel to the ridiculous notion that Black women cannot be angry. As if we are expected to always wear a smile and deal with every level of BS that comes our way without any form of emotion. It's ridiculous and also preposterous to think a human being cannot show emotion. You are allowed to feel and have emotions. You should be able to express yourself without someone labeling you as "angry" as if that's the only emotion we carry. How about frustrated or annoyed, which doesn't always equate to "angry". Please don't be lazy and label black women as angry because you don't want to do the work to have a conversation about what the issue may be. I equate this to slavery because we are being told without being told how to feel and how to react to being mistreated on sometimes a daily basis. Most women of color that I know have had that instance in the workplace where someone who is not a person of color told them to smile, not shake their head or roll their eyes as if we are property and they can still dictate what we can and cannot do with our own bodies. To demand a person of color to smile or not shake their head or roll their eyes is rude and racist. In addition to constantly wondering about my "perception" (also a racially motivated term in Corporate America), I am constantly conscious of my tone and sound of my voice. Can you image if everyday you have to think about not only what you say and how you say it but the sound of your voice too? That stress alone is enough for anyone to flip over their desks and walk out with the peace sign high in the air with any song by Kendrick Lamar playing as theme music. Ok maybe this is my recurring dream and everyone doesn't feel this way but I know at some point you have had to navigate through this maze of BS dealing with your tone and sound of your voice. After you have managed to identify this obstacle, your next obstacle is to learn to play this ridiculous middle school game of office politics. This is where I fail miserably because I'm grown and believe in being honest and upfront with people. I don't believe in throwing rocks and hiding my hand, throwing my coworkers under the bus, or being mediocre on a daily basis. I've never mastered this game and I flat out chose to sit on the bench while they sell their momma's out for a few coins. It's never been worth it to me to become a phony and unprofessional person. I happen to believe in the character of a person and being honest and trustworthy but I guess those are just buzz words nowadays that get kicked around like an empty soda can. Trust. It's such a heavy and important word. In Corporate America you are expected to trust those above you in a blind way like you trust God. I'm sorry but for me when someone shows you they mean you no good, trust is not an option. But the stressful part is you have to work with this person regardless of how you feel about them. Most people say they can work with anyone regardless of how you feel about them, however I believe you don't do your best work when you are literally working side-by-side with Satan himself. I've found myself leaving the office completely drained of any energy. Their negative and toxic selves suck all the energy from your body that you literally go home and sink into the couch in a semi-comatose state. It's unfair to work in a hostile environment where your boss curses, calls you out of your name in front of others, and yells at you and has not one professional bone in their body. So the nitpicking obstacle is enough to send your eyes into involuntary rolling. It's harassment in no uncertain terms. It's the kind of harassment that has you questioning why you even work there when at the same time you are more competent than most and have tons of education and initiative that you are often the one overworked because you do the most. You take on project after project because you are driven by nature not realizing it allows some to get comfortable in their mediocrity. They don't have to do any extra work because they know you will. Yet, the powers that be nitpick you to death and it's almost always not about your work product. 9.8 times out of ten it's about the "perception" that was conjured up just in case they need some justification to screw you out of a raise, promotion, or even your current position. Even if you are promoted they will stifle your growth and limit or eliminate your authority. You were a calculated promotion because they can say in their review that they embrace diversity all while making your life a living hell and increasing their bonus. I have no advice for those in similar situations except pray because that's all I've been able to do. Pray that God gives you peace to endure through these storms that seem to never end and pray that God fights your battles because if you try you will most definitely fail. The system is not designed for people of color. It is a winding and rocky road we travel for success that only we can measure. No one can measure your success for you. All you can do is your absolute best with whatever position you happen to hold. Well I do have two pieces of advice and that's by all means don't go to Human Resources. They are not your friend and they don't care what happens to you. They work for the company and their vested interest is to the company. Your issues with your supervisor or manager are just a means to weed you out and hire someone else who doesn't "complain" or "cause trouble". It's a shame that a person who is being discriminated and harassed by a fellow employee has no resources with their employer...or maybe it's just us...just people of color that have to abide by this unspoken rule. Hire a lawyer if it's that bad. My second piece of advice is to journal your experiences every single time. The best method is to email your personal email account from your work email. It is date and time stamped so it gives much more credibility than a handwritten journal. This is something I failed to do time and time again. From one company to the next I never documented my treatment and thus never had an advantage whenever I was disenfranchised. This documentation can also be used if the treatment is so bad you have to seek legal action. Maybe it's just me and I'm alone in this world of trying to navigate Corporate America while maintaining some form of sanity and purity of self although I know I'm not. I've seen my friends post their woes on social media detailing accounts of harassment and mistreatment by coworkers or managers above them. I've talked with folks who have cried on numerous occasions because folks are out here playing games at work when they clearly don't have enough work to do meanwhile we are all stressed out seeking professional therapy. It's incredibly discouraging because I'm a mentor at heart and I want to tell these young professionals to run far away from this toxic and demeaning environment designed for us to fail. I'm sure there are anomalies out there that truly believe in treating others with respect and dignity and who believe that diversity and inclusion are better for society as a whole. But until then, start your own businesses and build the community by creating jobs for our own. Don't pick page 97 if you don't have to because of fear or comfort. Be better than me and find a way to be your own boss. There is something to be said of being free completely. This is the answer that I ignored in my youth. It may not be too late for me but it's definitely not too late for the younger generation and I implore you to explore your options. African Americans, if I don't know anything else, are the most creative people on this planet. You can do this! Start teaching your children about starting businesses because that is the key to building wealth without of course stealing it but that's a blog for another day. Stay Blessed.