#wh40k humor

[sculptorofcrimson]

Sculptor’s guide to fanfiction dialogue(Thunder Warrior edition):

Compile a list of painfully accurate insults(swears optional)

Apply them

Boom. Done

Sculptor’s guide to fanfiction dialogue(Custodes edition):

Phrase the sentence as if you had a broom stuck up your ass

Phrase the sentence as if you were your 60 year old boss with a broom stuck up your ass

Boom. Done

#fanfiction #writing #humor #thunder warriors #custodes #oh boy am I drunk again #warhammer #wh40k #warhammer 40k #warhammer40k #constantin valdor #adeptus custodes

[unofficial-com1]

I feel absolutely terrible for them.

#sisters of battle #imperium #imperium of man #wh40k #warhammer 40000 #warhammer 40k #meme #humour #humor #comedy #i hate myself #sob

[goobiest-goobert]

Finished reading "The Infinite and the Divine" and let me tell you the last few chapters got me shaking. 10/10 book honestly

#warhammer 40k #necrons #wh40k #oh and the humor is great #I was giggling harder than I should've

[idle-skull]

I needed y’all to know that this reached 69 notes… :D

#haha funny number #I have the sense of #of humor of a child #warhammer community #Magnus the Red #warhammer #wh40k #wh30k

[ghostinthegallery]

Can you overanalyze Zahndrekh and Obyron. They are my two favorite named necron characters.

Ah yes, the mad nemesor and his loyal bodyguard. The ineffable husbands of wh40k. The bond so deep you can't talk about one without the other.

First, credit to Nate Crowley for Severed the story that really drove the amazingness of this relationship home for me. Man knows how to put a space robot (and me) through the emotional ringer.

Okay, so...how about that time Obyron was about 2-5 minutes away from actually murdering Zahndrekh?

Put a pin in that, we need some background first.

Obyron and Zahndrekh are amazing because on paper I feel like the relationship between them should not work. Obyron is suffering so deeply as he watches the people around him, who he fought with and cared about, fade away. And this is a pain Zahndrekh fundamentally cannot share because Zahndrekh doesn't realize it's happening thanks to his intense denial about biotransference (sort of, put a pin in that too). Add in some command protocols and power imbalance and this should be a tragic combo but it isn't. It's possibly the most wholesome relationship in the 40k universe between two of its best characters, and I credit that to some fantastic writing.

First off, it helps that Zahndrekh is a genuinely good person (or close as 40k can get anyway). He's honorable, he has a sense of humor, he respects his enemies, and doesn't kill when he doesn't have to. He's clever, cultured, and a brilliant tactician. He's also way too trusting because he assumes everyone is as honorable as he is. That should have gotten him killed ages ago but it doesn't because of Obyron. Obyron protects him from threats immediate and more subtle. He's not just a meat shield, Obyron is shrewd and he outplays Zahndrekh's enemies politically as well as physically. And yes, it is Obyron's duty to do this. He's a vargard, he's programmed to protect his lord (because biotransference constantly finds all new ways to suck) but there's more to it than that.

Taking the pin out, let's talk about that attempted murder.

So in Severed, Obyron believes that Zahndrekh's mind has finally snapped. If someone doesn't take over their armies, their mission will fail and a lot of their people will die. Obyron's comrades (what's left of them) have already died. The only way to salvage the situation is to kill Zahndrekh and take over. And after a disastrous battle (plus some emotional manipulation from Zahndrekh's shitty ex) Obyron decides to do it. He is literally about to go kill his lord, he is just taking a quick moment to prepare himself which...yeah fair.

Except Obyron sees Zahndrekh and chooses not to kill him. Luckily for all, it turns out Zahndrekh is no more insane than normal and the merry adventure continues.

Emphasis: Obyron chooses not to kill him. And I think that is a hugely important for their relationship because it shows that Obyron isn't with Zahndrekh because of programming or doctrines, he is there because he wants to protect him. Zahndrekh drives him up the wall sometimes, but when the chips are down, Obyron chooses him. He would literally jump into the abyss for him. Obyron loves him.

Zahndrekh knows full well if Obyron wanted to betray him, he would be dead. Obyron could become an overlord, and the only reason he hasn't is the loyalty and love they have for each other.

"What can love but a being with a soul?" might be one of the most incredible lines in a 40k book (or maybe just a book). Because aside from being unbelievably sweet, itshows that Zahndrekh does see the pain Obyron is in. And he finds a way to comfort him that fits within his...creative worldview. How much of the necrons' situation Zahndrekh does understand is a liiiiiiiitle ambiguous, but he definitely has his coping mechanism for everything: just enjoying life and focusing on the good, and he wants to share that optimism with Obyron. He realizes that Obyron fears what being a soulless machine means, but how can he truly be a soulless machine when he can choose love over ambition?

If there is one thing the necrons demonstrate, it is that immortality sucks. They all need some purpose to keep from going insane, and for Obyron and Zahndrekh that purpose is each other. Zahndrekh lives in his own reality, protected physically and emotionally by Obyron. And Obyron finds purpose in protecting the person who shields him from his own despair.

And I cannot get enough of it.

#necrons #Vargard Obyron #Nemesor Zahndrekh #40k really just said The Power of Love #ghost does character rambles #sure that can be the tag I guess #i promise i will do Anrakyr next #i just love these two so much I couldn't resist #thanks for my first ask!

[savyir-genesizz-the-wizard]

tell me about banshee 44 what am i getting myself into

In short - robot GILF with dementia

And not so short:

So, long time ago (before the Collapse) ((very, very shortly - Destiny takes place many years after the present, with humanity reaching it's peak after The Traveler (a gigantic orb of not fully known origin or agenda, which can terraform planets and granted Humanity the Light (space magic, complicated)) came here. Then apocalypse (the Collapse), post apocalypse and then we kinda got better again (? ;Most of humanity lives in one, big city) and now we have Guardians (people reanimated in Light to have powers and save the galaxy)) there was a very selfish and evil scientist called Clovis Bray who decided to do stuff like building a powerful AI or turning humans into robots. So at some point (shit fucked, also he was old and died) he decided to turn himself into an AI (different) and create a clone of himself called Clovis-1. But it turned out that his robot clone hated him and decided to join the guy's granddaughter and fight time-traveling space robots who the OG guy brought there (Europa, moon of Saturn). So he was a badass super strong robot and had a Chainsword (kinda these from WH40k) but the space robots killed him like 42 (or 43? I suck at math) times and every time his friends would bring him back his robot brain was getting more and more screwed. So in the end he requested that his memory would be viped and he got reseted again, as Banshee-44.

So right now he is a gunsmith in that last city (called the Last City btw). He also has a memory of a goldfish. Also he's oddly sexy and buff (tho most men (and women) in Destiny are so whatever) and people simp for him because of that. He's always somewhat sad, but also shows a kind of dry sense of humor.

Here you can read the rest

#destiny 2 #Banshee-44

[skxrbrand]

is there a reason you don't like 40k?

It's not that I don't like it, per se, but the content just doesn't interest me (which is saying something because I usually love sci-fi stuff). I remember browsing the wiki back in like...2018? Maybe even earlier than that, and just going "wow this shit is depressing". Each article was sadder than the last. Everything was doom and gloom and that just isn't really my scene?

Fantasy is somewhat better, but there's doom and gloom with humor (rat people who think the moon is made of magic rocks [and they're right], four gods arguing over how to destroy the world, orcs who are literally just vegetable people, Everyone's English™️ which is funny in and of itself--); Fantasy seems to be at least aware that it's no small amount of absurd (and so do the fans, for the most part. 40K fans? Not so much, but then the particular type of Weirdo™️ I'm talking about often has a hard time identifying satire.). Also, WH40K has a lot of Fucking Weirdos™️ in it to the point where CA had to issue an official statement going "hey guys stop being fucking weirdos".

The art is cool, but you can keep the rest of it lmao

#ask #anon #why do ya'll have so many fascist over there

[auternadelaide]

Tag game thing

never been tagged in shit before but @mothgoblin did the tagging so i shall do the things

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?:

noooooope. the Autumn season is named after me tbh

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:

i cant remember. my memory is dogshit when it comes to this. its been within the last few days most likely but cant remember why

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?:

yee. four

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/ HAVE YOU PLAYED?:

baseball for a few years as a kid. then golf and skateboarding for a few years as a teenager. dont play anything currently but id love to get back into golfing

DO YOU USE SARCASM?:

nah. never. what even is sarcasm?

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?:

in person or photos, their eyes. i am OBSESSED with eyes. online, its gotta be their humor or precisely how unhinged it is

ANY TALENTS?:

ehh.. no? i don't think ive been talented at anything except being a goofy bitch. most anything i can do came from practice, not talent.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS:

BOTH but definitely have my preferences within the scary movie genre. not a fan of mass jumpscares.

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?:

greeeeeen

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?:

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?:

art. vidya gaems(Splatoon 3 mostly atm. PLAY WITH ME ALREADY @mothgoblin). listening to audiobooks. consuming everything wh40k i can find

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?:

four! two kitties inside(Binks and Jolyne) and two kitties outside(Espurr and Minecraft Steve)

HOW TALL ARE YOU?:

5'8"

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?:

maaaaaath. fucking LOVED math so much. to the point i took trig for fun lmao

DREAM JOB?:

either full time artist or housewife to a big kitchen table polycule or both

not tagging anyone but if you see this and wanna do it, dooooooo it. and tag me so i can see~

#tag game #never done this beforeeee

[rametarin]

The Female Space Marine Thing

You want to know the “non-misogynist” reason why the female space marines thing is a bad idea?

Because WH40K is not a happy story with a happy ending. It’s a tragedy of a powerful man who chose to become a tyrant and doomed the human race by cavorting with demons, and now sits powerless on a throne, being force fed a thousand souls from all corners of his rotting empire’s population, while he cries and can do nothing about it.

A story about a man who for selfish purposes tried to become a fascist tyrant but benevolent dictator and for a while, succeeded, but then in his hubris, neglected his own children that he used like weapons of war to further political ambitions. So his children either met with easily avoidable fates due to ignorance, arrogance or neglect, even as adults, even as leaders of their own.

A story about rigid, violent hierarchy and authority stymying growth and liberty for the sake of the state and culture, where not even the wealthy and privileged ultimately matter in the faces of unrelenting gods hellbent on squashing life out of the cosmos.

A reality where bad won. Where every horror and crime against humanity persists unrelentingly because that’s the living hell they subsist in and there’s nothing anyone can do about it but live their lives in a cosmos that is so much bigger than they, and they are one of trillions on polluted, overpopulated, resource starved masses.

Where the galactic propagandized “heroes” are objectively child soldiers plucked up from a million worlds as pre-teens, inducted into a space cult, subjected to genetic fuck-you-up juice to make you the narcissistic spawn in the image of a cultural overlord, converting you from a mere man to a sub-human ubermensch whose only aspirations are to kill and die protecting regular human beings- which you will never, ever be again.

Where the sexual binary and dichotomy is exaggerated to the point of British comedy specifically to underline the horrors of single sex exploitation and obligation in the name of defending humanity, with the unspoken part being that for every space marine you see, there’s a female sexed person that arbitrarily never got to serve and be exploited by the exploitative empire, because she was born a female and thus is arbitrarily not permitted to take part in bloody, violent conflict and be considered an expendible asset, shunned for failing to live up to impossible odds of survival in the face of death itself and celebrated only for sacrificing themselves in a way that saves others near a thousand times more.

The only people that want female space marines are the sorts of people that: 1.)try to “improve” British humor the American way, because they don’t understand the joke and think it’d be better if you throw in big cartoonish winks, wakka wakkas or trademark catchphrases to make it obvious sarcasm. 2.) Want to platform a popular thing and “have a conversation” by drawing attention to their gripe of the week to make “fixing” that gripe seem like a generational progressive victory.

The space marines/Adeptus Astartes being all cis male and practically just being reduced to Bolter/Power Fist for pronouns, is part of the horror. No different from how in every movie that comes out starring black slaves in pre-Civil War era America, you need to have unrepentant racist characters to be the bad guys, or you need unrepentant skinheads to punch.

Almost every single space marine is a victim of circumstance. Just a dude trying to do their best in a time and place where even doing the right thing is somehow playing into evil’s hands, where progress against the dogmatic and oppressive theocracy that treats the near corpse of an emperor like an unassailable, infallible god is impossible, where all technology and its maintenance is dependent upon a self-reinforcing transhumanist cult that treats all technological and mechanical diagnostics as religious rote and note empirical science to learn, just sermons to remember and understand none of it truly.

Where your entire colony and world can be genocided by the “good guys” because demons put an evil symbol on a jumbotron and your entire civilization saw it, dooming you all to trading the memetic evil forever, inescapably and inexorably bound to it. Resulting in the ritualized and systematic concentrating camping, sterilization, and then probably also mass murder in order to save the rest of the Imperium from seeing the same thing YOU only saw because a demon exploited the system specifically to kill you all.

But oh no. Tiffany  wants female space marines because she wants some proud trans icons, “The God Emperor says black trans lives matter!”

You don’t care about anything but being able to control other peoples perceptions of you while you manipulate their realities to get what you want from them, disallowing them to understand the situation as it really is and instead interpret reality only according to your perspective, not empiricism, not objectivity.

You don’t care about the setting, you don’t care about the actual anti-tyrannical messages, you don’t care about the dark comedy and nihilistic parody of the horrors of war played straight, because you just think the franchise and all the fans are absolutely “the demographic that unironically likes that sort of thing.” Which you think are the majority.

You care only about trying to browbeat the company into “fixing an old sexism heldover from a more patriachal and sexist age.” While not fucking understanding even the exploitation and abuse of the men as disposable fucking cannon fodder is in itself a political statement.

You only care about seeing this from the juvenile perspectives of, “NO GURLS IN MUH BOYS GAMES.” When it’s not fucking that, at all.

Warhammer 40K is not a happy setting.

Warhammer 40K is not a happy setting.

Warhammer 40K is not a happy setting.

You could do a million fucking things if you want more prominent sexual integration in Warhammer factions. There are Imperial Guards, whom don’t CARE who bleeds and dies for the emperor (though traditionalism means it’s mostly boys doing it.) There are rogue traders who don’t care your sex or your gender so long as you’ve got will, grit and maybe tradable items or cash.

You could play as ANY kind of female Adeptus Mechanicus and be any gender or sex or sexuality because all flesh is weak vs. adamantium.

But no. Rather than work WITH the setting, you choose to try and abolish and demolish a constant and mainstay of it. Why? Specifically so boys can’t have anything designated exclusively for boys. And especially not designated by sex. There’s no, “me”, just “us,” with you.

If you took the male exclusivity out of the Space Marines, there’s no reason not to take the murder, the sex crimes and the economic exploitation and the institutional corruption out of the game. And then you’d just have... Humans Vs. Aliens. Another generic, meaningless, flavorless shooter with a thin veneer of lore and saccharine sweet fake sentimentality that could’ve been whipped up by an AI, or a South Asian MMORPG designed just to imp World of Warcraft.

And fuck it. Why stop at sucking the fun and grim out of WH40K? Lets just make vampires that don’t suck blood and are arbitrarily magical and consent to sucking you. OH WAIT, THAT’S BECAUSE THAT’S A JOLLY FAIRY, NOT A HORRIFYING UNDEAD MONSTER.

All of this because the idea that society and culture validates that there are real and empirical differences between men and women, and that even if that weren’t true, males still deserve to have cultural and media icons and organizations that cater to them on the basis of being male, offends gender anti-binarists so fucking badly they demand the elimination of them by marginalizing them in their own rooms.

Because these people are hellbent on the idea that males are an oppressor class, therefore “deserve” to be marginalized, just for justice for “women and sexual minorities.” And they want media and icons to carry water for, normalize and institute these values, or they want them to go away.

There are a million and one factions in the WH40K setting where women and sexual minorities can be represented equally, but it’s the ones specifically and exclusively about being male that they can’t stand and don’t want to be exclusively male anymore. For no other reason than because they do not see being male as validly distinct.

But you point out the factions that are effectively queer icons exclusively, and they see nothing wrong with that.

Because when your ideology tells you that sexuality is based on gender, and gender is based on arbitrary cultural and societal identity that should be chosen by the individual and other people are obligated to relate to them by the transitive property of how they identify, and that some genders are more oppressive/oppressor tha others, you see no problem with an entire faction of queer, but can’t fucking stand the idea of a faction exclusively of men as anything but being anti-woman.

This isn’t anything new. The hypocrisy and unspoken part out loud when it was the TERFs wonking ignorant about Space Marines and how “40K is outdated and old fashioned for its sexual politics,” was they would celebrate a female exclusive faction, but demand only the male exclusive groups gender integrate, in order to invalidate the idea of male identity and gender as anything but detrimental to humanity.

[ponfaxart]

#warhamer 40000 #warhammer #warhammer 40k #warhammer 30k #warhammer memes #warhammer meme #primarch #digital art #god emperor of mankind #emperor of mankind #perturabo #rogal dorn #memes #meme #wh40k humor #humor

[sculptorofcrimson]

I should not have been given the right to write dialogue. 

#fanfiction #humor #sculptor of crimson #warhammer #warhammer 40k #warhammer fanfiction #constantin valdor #ushotan #thunder warriors #adeptus custodes #wh40k writing prompts

[whiskey-jarr-87degrees]

Until we meet again.

#doodle #doodling #drawing #pencil drawing #pencil sketch #sketching #digital colors #digita art #warhammer 40000 #warhammer 40k #wh40k #wh40k humor #wh40k meme #wh40k art #tts boy #emperor tts #tts fanart #if the emperor had a text to speech device #bruva alfabusa

[featheredpheonix]

The Emperor of Mankind, on the risks of any of his sons turning traitor, 004.M31, colorized

#wh40k #wh40k humor

[thecasualmaker]

Had a thought

#wh40k #dreadnought #warhamer 40000 #art #wh40k humor #i prefer my toast tasting like old oil and stale space marine

[pure-heresy]

“He may be Big E, but he’s got little D.”

-My best friend regarding The Emperor of Mankind

#warhammer40k #warhammer 40000 #warhammer 40k #wh40k humor #wk40k #the emperor of mankind #the emperor

[kittyparr]

so... like I’ve been toying with wh40/avengers crossover for a little while now, and no I will not take constructive criticism right now. But I’ve been running with the idea that Thor is a lost Primarch and just playing around with height comparisons, Chris Hemsworth is  like 6′3′’. Assuming the typical Asgardian is maybe a foot or two taller so I would say Thor is around maybe like 7′3′’ give or take a few (this is my personal headcanon for his height), so  like compared to the Primarchs in 40k who are like what on average are like 12-15 feet tall. Anyway what I am getting at? 

THIS 

Meaning Thor would the smallest one!! Compared to the Avengers he would one of the tallest, but compared to the Primarchs he wold be so tiny!! 

#chibi rambles #don't listen to chibi #avengers #thor #thor of asgard #mcu #marvel #primarchs #wh40k humor #wh40k #warhammer 40k #crossover idea #the lost primach #and i just realized he would be the baby!! #since he's only about a thousand years old compared to other primarchs #chibi writes