#western wizards lets fuckin go

[cainluvr69]

Surely, We Can Make Miracles Chapter 5

Previous Chapter

Nero: There ain't any point in eatin' it cold if it's supposed to be served hot! You don't even cook, and all you can do is fuckin' complain about it!

Originally, they'd been whispering to each other, but as Nero's anger mounted, his voice was getting louder. Even if Dianne couldn't hear exactly what they were saying, it was still perfectly obvious there was some kind of argument going on. Bradley leaned in, refusing to give in, audaciously trying to whisper into Nero's ear again even as Nero was glaring daggers at him.

Bradley: I can at least tell when the person makin' it actually has pride in what they're makin'. You ain't the one makin' this shit. Why are you tryin' to cover for 'em?

Nero: Now you're tryin' to preach at me about pride in your work? You're just pretendin' you know what the hell you're talkin' about when you're just flappin' your gums!

Figaro: (You know, now that I'm getting a good look at them…they're kind of obviously ex-partners, aren't they…) (I wouldn't have thought it'd be his friend in the kitchen. Really, preconceptions are never any good.)

Faust: (Nero… No matter how much he might say you're his friend in the kitchen, Bradley's still a Northern wizard.) (Thoughtlessly making him angry isn't going to end well.)

Lennox: (Goodness. Bradley's such a glutton.)

The tension in the air was only getting progressively more electric. And then Shino joined in, keeping his voice low.

Shino: I get what Bradley's saying. Let me be honest. First…

Heathcliff: Shino.

Heath said his servant's name sharply. He was every inch a noble right now, the look in his blue eyes cold and pointed. Shino flinched, and then took a deep breath and started shooting back.

Shino: I'm saying this for your sake. You don't need to do anything.

Heathcliff: You're being arrogant. And you're being ungrateful towards the noble Western Chenon House's Lady Dianne's hospitality, which she's put her heart and soul into… Any furthur critique is out of line. Your insolence is doing nothing but dragging the Blanchett name through the mud. Have some self-control.

Heathcliff's harsh words made Shino snap his mouth shut. He was trembling a bit, his gaze drifting away from him. After a moment, though, remorse showed on his face, and he deeply bowed his head. Heathcliff, too, bowed slightly to Dianne, and then elegantly returned to his meal.

Shino: (Heath's right… It wasn't all that long ago that I was hunting for scraps. Maybe I've gotten too used to living well.)

Heathcliff: (I'm sorry I was so forceful, Shino… But if I didn't say as much as I did, it could've turned into a diplomatic incident…) (She's smiling right now, but she must be furious in her heart… What if one day she says I need to give you up?) (It's possible I won't be able to save you from that, Shino… So…)

An unpleasant atmosphere settled into the silence as our meal continued. About when I felt confident no one else was going to start voicing their displeasure, Bradley leaned back and crossed his legs.

Bradley: But damn!

Nero: Woah! My hand's slippin' on the pepper…!

Bradley: Waugh…! Achoo!!

In the fight against <the Great Calamity>, Bradley had been afflicted with a bizarre injury that affected him when he sneezed--and, well, he vanished. Somewhere in the world, he was cursing Nero and his pepper.

Snow: Goodness gracious, I suppose there was no avoiding that.

White: We shall go to the market and retrieve Bradley.

Figaro: There's no way of knowing Bradley showed up at the market, is there? You two just want to go window shopping.

Snow & White: Gulp…

Figaro: Please don't do anything disrespectful. Rutile and Mitile are both sitting nice and politely…

Snow: You're so wrong! We're just going to go pick up our dear Bradley!

White: We have a duty to supervise him, you know! By the way, Owen dear, what's that cake called again?

Owen: Torta di cocco.

White: Thanks!

Figaro: Jeez.

The twins vanished like smoke.

Mithra: Hm? Is no one else eating? If you're not going to eat, I'll take it.

Owen: Here.

Owen pushed his food onto Mithra's plate, and then stood up from his seat and drained his cup of tea.

Owen: I want more of that cake, too.

And, having said that, he vanished, too. The ensuing silence was so heavy you could cut it with a knife.

Akira: (What should I do… Should I have said something…?) (I wonder what everyone's thinking…?)

Oz: … (Though this is not especially good…) (It still outclasses my own failures.)

Arthur: (I bet he's thinking this is better than his own mess-ups.)

Rutile: (I've made some pretty bad dishes too…)

Mithra: (Everyone's eating so lightly. That means I win.)

Mitile: (It's not very good, but saying that would be rude and wasteful.)

Riquet: (Expressing displeasure with one's meal is to embrace corruption. It is a terrible thing to do. I know that, and yet…) (I'd been wanting to eat something more delicious than this.)

Cain: (Owen's really going to go eat more…? I know that cake was delicious, but he already ate seven slices…)

Shylock: (My sincerest apologies, but I have no intention of putting anything that doesn't capture my heart into my body.)

Chloe: (I need to eat all of this, somehow… I've really gotten so used to eating Nero's food I've gotten spoiled…)

Rustica: (Chloe's ocean-inspired outfits look so good on everyone.)

Murr: (This rules! Watching everyone's reactions to having to keep their desires in check is so fun!)

Figaro: (For now I can just pretend to eat, and then get something from the market later.)

Lennox: (Lord Figaro isn't swallowing any of that, is he…? Is he making it disappear with magic…?)

Nero: (God… I can't do this… As a fellow chef, I can't pretend this is someone else's problem…) (What happened, Borda Castle head chef… Did you forget the seasoning to handle the smell or something?) (He seemed so meticulous in his work, too. Or maybe he got the cut wrong… Or is it someone else's work? Did they hire someone new?) (Maybe he got sick… He must've gotten sick. And now he can't taste things right anymore. That's gotta be it.) (Or maybe he injured his hands… How could things have ended up like this…) (What a disgrace… If it were me, I'd pack my bags and be gone by tomorrow…) (But what if he's got a family to support… Argh! I don't wanna even think about that.)

Faust: (Nero's making so many different faces right now…)

Dianne cleared her throat. She turned to face me and, bright as always, began to speak.

Dianne: By the way, Master Sage, I have a question for you.

Akira: Ah, yes. What is it?

Dianne: Lately, Borda Island has been facing a number of mysterious disappearances.

Akira: Disappearances…?

Dianne: Yes. Both the residents of the island and people visiting it are concerned by them. I'd like to ask your help in resolving them…

✦✧☾✧✦

Let me summarize what Dianne told me.

✦✧☾✧✦

Akira: Ever since Miss Dianne was appointed Borda Island's new lord, people have been disappearing. There's currently nine people missing, including both humans and wizards.

Chloe: Both humans and wizards…

Arthur: This island has its famous wizard market, after all.

Rustica: And this island is beautiful, so many humans come both to sightsee and to permanently settle down here.

Figaro: The development of magical technology has made it so much easier for humans to go where they like. If you look around, you'll see a lot of brand-new big homes.

Lennox: Meaning?

Figaro: There's more vacation homes. Hasn't land on Borda Island and in the City of Nectar gotten more pricy?

Shylock: I believe so.

Rutile: Isn't that odd? Are Southern Country's prairies going to be that pricy one day?

Murr: If there's more people living on them, yeah! The more demand there is, the more profit the suppliers make. Right now, Southern Country's pretty empty. But what if it got a population as big as Western Country's?!

Cain: Basically, Borda Island's a popular place to be for both wizards and humans.

Akira: Yes, exactly. According to Miss Dianne, the repeated disappearances are worsening the antagonism between wizards and humans.

Heathcliff: So they both think the other side is the culprit…?

Akira: It seems that way… The wizards in the market think it was the humans' doing… And the island humans think that it was the wizards' doing. And since Miss Dianne, who's open and friendly with wizards, just arrived…

Arthur: The island residents, already on edge, have been demanding that she leave. They think that a lord who's so close with wizards won't be similarly cordial with humans.

Akira: Exactly. You really understand what's going on, Arthur.

Arthur: It's like I always say. Though I may stand as Central Country's crown prince, I am also a wizard. The wizards think that I'll ally myself with humans. And the humans think that I'll ally myself with wizards. It takes a long time of open and patient conversation to stamp out any misunderstandings.

Shino: Why do you have to be the one to do it? They're the ones that are being stubborn.

Arthur: If you think the person you're talking to is being stubborn, you can never become friends with them. Both wizards and humans have decided that the other side is the one being stubborn. And so an endless cycle is born.

Shino: That's true… Actually, this is a good chance. You're a good guy, so let me give you some advice.

Arthur: You think I'm a good guy? I'm happy to hear that.

Shino: You're too good of a guy. You should let yourself get upset more often. If people don't wanna listen to you, they're not gonna listen. And then you're just wasting your time. There's not as many kind people in this world as you think. You should let up a little.

Arthur: Thank you. You're very kind, Shino.

Shino: Don't mock me.

Arthur: But don't worry. I wouldn't say I'm all that virtuous, either. I do have a goal in mind.

Shino: A goal?

Arthur: It takes time for people to see me not as a wizard, not as a human, not as a prince, but as myself. And for me to see the person I'm talking to properly, I need to take that much time as well. It's difficult to erase one's prejudices and preconceptions.

Shino: …I'm not willing to put that much work into other people. People who don't like me should just stay away from me. And I'll stay away from them, too. It's fine if we don't understand each other. It's enough to know what lines not to cross.

Arthur: I think that's fine, too. Boundaries exist so that you don't experience undue suffering.

Shino: …? Isn't that the complete opposite of what you said, though?

Arthur: I think it's the same. I probably just have much different boundaries from you. It's just about what we're good and not good with.

Shino: Meaning?

Arthur: If human society and wizard society stay separated, one day, they're going to collide messily with one another. I want to avoid that tragedy. I feel like that's the only thing I can leave in this world…

Oz: …

Arthur: What I'm trying to say, is… I'm good at having those kinds of patient conversations, and I have a personal interest in addressing the issue. So it's not something that's as difficult for me as you're worried about, Shino. But again, thank you.

Shino: Hmm… Well, if you say it's fine, then it's fine. Living just seems hard for you and Heath sometimes.

Heathcliff: …

Figaro: Things are getting pretty philosophical here. Both understanding something and misunderstanding something are important in a wizard's life. But for right now, let's just put that topic to the side.

Faust: You're just knocking that philosophical topic off the table like a cat.

Figaro: It'd be nice if it was the kind of topic that we could put on hold like that, right? So to sum it up, Master Sage, she wants us to find the true culprit behind these disappearances?

Akira: That's correct. The island residents are wary of the people in Miss Dianne's castle, so they can't do much at the moment…

Figaro: Got it. Then it's time to start collecting information on these disappearances. But first, Master Sage, can I have a second?

Figaro put his arm around my shoulder and led me away from the group. Once we were a bit of a ways away, he murmured something into my ear.

Figaro: …Master Sage. A lot of people are involved in these incidents.

Akira: The market wizards and the island residents, right?

Figaro: Yes. And there's also the possibility that these disappearances are actually serial murders.

Hearing that startled me. I looked up at him. He shrugged his shoulders with a bitter smile on his face.

Figaro: Wizards turn to stone when they die. Cleaning up the bodies is easy, so it's easy to cover up their deaths. Arthur is Oz's disciple, and Shino's been through a lot of direct combat. Heathcliff's also been taught how to protect his family. Chloe and Rustica have been traveling for years, and I imagine they've seen their fair share of fighting. But, my kids… The Southern brothers, Rutile and Mitile, aren't ready for this kind of thing. I don't think Riquet is, either. For the chance that humans have been killing wizards.

Akira: …How likely do you think the chance of that is?

Figaro: I'm not sure. They did say they're only disappearances, after all. Say you stabbed and killed me right now. All you'd have to do is wrap my stone in my clothes and bury them somewhere, and boom, I'm recorded as missing.

The bright sunlight was making my head spin.

Akira: (That's right. Wizards turn to stone…) (If something happened to any of them, I wouldn't even get to see them resting peacefully afterwards.)

Figaro: So I think it's better if the matter of information gathering is kept away from Rutile, Mitile, and Riquet… Oh, oh dear. Perhaps I should have kept it from you, too. You're looking a little off…

Shylock: Are you okay, Master Sage?

Suddenly Shylock was at my side, supporting my arm. He glared at Figaro, blaming him for my current state. Figaro raised both hands and shook his head.

Figaro: I didn't do anything.

The outline of the sun above glittered with all the colors of the rainbow. Just like the stone of a wizard.

Next Chapter

#.mhyktl #.main story tl #.eventtl #4th anni

[transcrocgirl]

man, magic just kinda makes me sad now

A deep seated part of me want to love this new set and get down with funky cowboy town with tons of characters from all over the multiverse, a part of me that would love this set like six years ago, but I can't bring myself to do it. I love the idea of cross overs and spent years building a multiverse in my isolated child mind, but there's a lot missing here and I don't think I can just let it go.

i've had no real faith in wizard of the coast for a while now (like most people) but seeing how many characters are being brought over for this set without being able to deliver on a unique identity for the plane just kinda sucks. There's no room for actually developing a setting with characters anymore but instead a giant pot of characters from better sets being plopped into this one and it's a western. That's it. The real sad truth was that magic was leaning this way for a long time now and there's little we can do to flush this tide, but it still sucks that sets now are just gonna be magic themed universes beyond products. There's now spark anymore, or at least something my gay little brain can latch onto. I'm sure it's gonna do real well and that this is now the new normal for magic. Perhaps they'll prove me wrong and everything will be actually good but I don't think that's happening. I do wish we could at least get new interesting stories from these fuckin shitdicks, but that's expecting too much at this point.

#croc thoughts #long post #magic the gathering #I wish things were better and I could care about these sets and these settings anymore #but hey #not much we can do except complain and hope for change #hope every hasbro and wotc hire up explodes into a billion tiny pieces we can snort for fun

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #338

“i can’t decide if you’re wearing me out, or wearing me well”

Are you a fan of techno? I've gotten more into it lately, actually. I've never minded it. Who’s your favorite horror movie villain/monster? Pyramid Head, though he's called Red Pyramid Thing in the movies. Do you have a favorite muscle car? Nah. I'm not big into cars. What would be a total deal-breaker for you, relationship-wise? You so much as lift your hand at me, bye, motherfucker. Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? Yes, but not as much as I used to be. There are certain opinions I just don't tolerate in people anymore; I feel like by staying associated with people whose views invalidate or in any way harm others (racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.), you're on the side of evil as well, even if indirectly. However, I genuinely do feel I have a wide range of viewpoints I'm willing to accept in others, even if I don't agree with them. Are you flirtatious? No. I think I'm only capable of flirting with someone I'm already with and very comfortable around. I'd feel way too shy and awkward otherwise. Have you ever just felt "drawn" to someone, but you didn’t know why? "Didn't know why," no. I've felt drawn to people with good reason, like if I was romantically interested in them. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a number, honestly. Especially with the aid of therapy, I'm being motivated to strengthen bonds with old friends and/or acquaintances via Facebook. Freddy or Jason? I think Jason is scarier. Freddy tends to come across as cheesy for me. Have stickers or gems on your cell phone? Nah. Ever teased your hair? Bitch I damn well tried in high school because I wanted the ~ l e g i t ~ emo hair, but mine was just too heavy to hold, at least with the hairspray my sister had. Have any friends with benefits? Nah, that's never been my thing. Ever lost of bunch of valuable information? Ummm I don't believe so. I've lost massive RP posts before, but I can't really call those "valuable information." What drinks or food make you hyper? None, really. Most expensive thing you ever bought? With my own money, my snake. She's a champagne morph ball python. What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. How much time to spend putting on makeup daily? Zero. When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? The beat, more than anything else. What is the color of your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? Black. Just black. Are you sexually active? I'm not. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Are you attracted to several guys atm? I'm actually not attracted to any guys in my personal life atm. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Excluding the one I don't know, I have three older sisters. Favorite song by Owl City? Probably "Hot Air Balloon," but I don't know many at all. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you truly understand the (LDS) Mormon religion? I don't know what "LDS" means, but as my former best friend developed into a Mormon, I learned some stuff from her in her self-discovery. I don't remember a lot of it, not that I knew all that much in the first place. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? Ugh, Mom's unmovable about it being in my fucking room for some reason. And we have an extra goddamn room no one uses yet. Roman's shit STINKS, like we think something might actually be wrong, but nope, it has to stay in here. e_e It would literally inconvenience nobody if we moved it in the spare room. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? MUCH lighter. He's very tan. Do you like apricots? No. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? 100% body wash. Bar soap slips so easily, and as someone who lives with another person, I'm not rubbing my body with the same bar my mother uses, no offense to her. Sharing it's just gross. Where do you live (country or state)? Shitty 'ole North Carolina. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? I think we have a mix of them, actually. What is your favorite shade of yellow? I only like pastel yellow. Otherwise, it's one of my least favorite colors. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Ehhh not really. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? God, can I please have a stable career by then. Who has the best decorated house in your town? I don't know. We live in a cul de sac community thing where it's just houses next to houses, so there's a lot to choose from. I don't pay attention to them. What is your favorite part of Halloween? The decorations. Do you feel a connection to the moon? "As above, so below," as the saying goes. What does your heart long for? Peace and contentness with myself. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year, I didn't. I do want to this year, though, if I can just think of a really good idea. I have to be motivated. What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? I'm not having kids, but I'll follow along, hypothetically. With how much joy Halloween brought me as a kid, I'd want to do SO much as a family with them. Homemade decorations, carving or painting pumpkins together, and hell yeah I'd be taking them trick-or-treating once I felt they were ready and they wanted to. I'd be one of those parents that probably spends too much on whatever costumes they want, haha... Oh, and then besides Halloween, I'd certainly rake leaf piles together for them to jump and play in. This question has brought to mind like ONE thing I could enjoy as a parent, haha. Have you ever seen a fox? I have; besides in a zoo setting, I've seen one or two in the wild run out of sight, and I also found one poor fellow as roadkill that had been disemboweled by I'm assuming vultures. With my whole roadkill photography thing, I literally almost kneeled into a strand of intestines I didn't see at first. :x What color are the squirrels where you live? We only have brown ones. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? lol no What do the trees look like where you live? Lots, and lots, and LOTS of pine trees... There are others, but I'm not well-informed on tree species and such. Oh, then of course there are dogwoods (our "state tree"), which are unmistakable because they smell like fucking manure. What is your dream vacation? Maybe the mountains on the western side of NC during the fall... ugh, that would be breathtaking. We actually have an abandoned The Wizard of Oz-themed park around there that allows tours at certain times of the year, and I'd love to visit and photograph there. As well, western NC has the zoo, which would be spectacular to visit with autumn weather and, once again, load up on photos. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I LOVED field trips. Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all for that. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Historically, larger doses of Klonopin can knock me the fuck out. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, because I don't do baths. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? I'm going to guesstimate you mean less than 1M subs as "small," because I really don't know what you consider to fit that description. I watch a lot of people with less than 1M, so it's hard to say, but lately it's probably been a let's player John Wolfe. He's really funny. Then there's some tarantula YouTubers, along with the animal educator Emzotic... and really just many others. I think most of the people I watch actually have sub-1M, but more than 500k. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier is absolutely, positively #1. I also really enjoy Snake Discovery, GameGrumps, Jeffree Star (don't judge me ok, he's a fuckin hoot), and while I haven't watched them in years, Good Mythical Morning will ALWAYS be deeply, deeeeply embedded in my heart. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Ummm probably the Spice Girls? Have you ever used an outhouse? Ugh, yes, at old childhood sports games. What was the last good cause you donated towards? When I cut off like 8+ inches of hair to accomplish the style I have now, I donated it to Children With Hair Loss. My hair has always been mega-thick and healthy, so why in the world waste it? One of my most cherished items is the certificate I got in return many months later that my donation had been used. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? I haven't had contact with Juan in many years, don't know what Tyler's up to either, and I haven't spoken to Jason since 2017, so. I'm very doubtful he's married or has kids yet, though, just knowing him and how "I need to be fully prepared for this" he is with big life stuff like that. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Not at all. I'll do my all to comfort them. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. Do you get a lot of thunderstorms where you live? Depends on the time of year. Summertime? Brief but super intense thunderstorms every late afternoon. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Taco Bell w/ Mom. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural ‘things?’ No. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and Mom is also convinced Dad has either depression masked as anger and/or bipolarity, but following the divorce, I don't see it in him at all. He's never seen a doctor in that field to be diagnosed with any mental illness. What fun things are there to do where you live? Jackshit. Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? Mother of fucking god, yes. My little sister lives with her best friend, and said friend has a colossal black lab named Hudson that is absolutely uncontrollable because she neglects the shit out of him. Won't listen to you even if it saved his life. He jumps on you, barks endlessly, and if he escapes the house? Good fucking luck getting him inside. She has absolutely no right to own a dog with how shitty of an owner she honestly is. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? They owned it. The idiots who were moving in after us accidentally burnt the place to a fucking crisp, and my parents were SO not happy to lose that house because people were dumb enough to place boxes atop the goddamn stove. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Multiple people, not that that's my business. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember it clearly, other than I was with Jason and his mother was also present. What's the biggest age difference you've ever had in a relationship? That would have been with Juan, but I don't remember exactly how old he was. I just know I was a freshman and him a senior that got held back a year or so in HS. If you could save one animal from ever becoming extinct, what animal would you pick? Probably bees, given how vital they are. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother worked at Disney World. I can't remember what her position was, though. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If I want a healthy snack, sometimes I'll have a scoop. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? They need to be loose. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? This big painting of meerkats grooming on burlap I did in high school. Do you always wear a bra? I question the self-love of anyone who can sleep with a bra on. ;__; Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Oh yes, I can't read more than one at a time. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? The normal book. Do you know how to play chess? I don't. Are you watching anything? No, but I do have Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" on in another tab. What is your blood type? A-. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes. Do you twitch when you're falling asleep? Dude, I more than "twitch." I can just suddenly spaz out and look like I'm seizing for a moment. Another side effect of my nightmare suppressant medication. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has bought me a few, and Jason gave me one for one of our anniversaries. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? My sister's place. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? Just how unique and happy that way she is. And her pretty much undying loyalty. Has someone ever taken a pic of you while you were making out with someone? No, considering I wouldn't go that far with someone unless we were alone. Had a crush on someone you thought shared your sexuality, turns out didn’t? Yes. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Does it gross you out if a guy has hair on his chest? I personally don't find an excess of it attractive, but it doesn't "gross me out." If they bathe themselves just like everyone else, why should it? Do you think sexuality is a choice or not? It is absolutely not a choice. If it was, I'd assume most people would choose to be straight, given phobias, hatecrimes, etc... I could write an essay on this. Do you like industrial piercings? Yeah. Do you think stretched ears are disgusting? "Disgusting" is, once again, the wrong word. Gauges don't really gross me out - hell, I want tiny ones -, but they can reach a size that, to me, is not visually appealing. Did you watch animated Barbie movies when you were little? I do remember loving Princess and the Pauper as well as the Rapunzel one; my sister was addicted to them. Oh yeah! Then there was the Swan Lake one that she adored, too. We usually watched movies together. Do you like fruit in your cereal? Big No. Do you like raw vegetables? Ugh, no. Do you listen to A Day to Remember? I do! They're on my list of faves. Do you like funnel cake? I actually don't. Have you ever been with someone while they were getting a tattoo? Yuh.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''third day of a seven day binge'' by marilyn manson

[nightcoremoon]

harry potter fans see the genocidal classist monster and think haha no nose funnee

then they see the mean teacher and think EVIL!!! KILL!!! MURDER!!! H A T E ! ! !

I'm just like

why are you infantilizing the mass murderer but cheering at the victim of an inferred gang rape

why are you memeing and coddling literally wizard hitler but willing to throw a brick at the mean teacher

why will you draw sexy fanart of the fascist but draw stabbings of the kind of rude dickhead

...

white westerners seem to not take enormous threats like voldemort seriously, and jump on the bandwagon of hating the pastel asshole. "but umbridge sent the dementor after harry!" bitch she knew he'd be fine, he's harry godamn the-boy-who-motherfuckin-lived potter! she just wanted to get him booted from hogwarts on technicality to help fudge look better. she's just a neoliberal, and I feel like that's way way less threatening than the open fucking fascist. yeah if the ministry had their way they'd stick their heads in the sand and get slaughtered by the death eaters. wait, the problem with the neoliberals is that the fascists will kill everyone? so the problem is the fucking fascists??? holy goddamn motherfuckin shitballs batman, I've got it!

now I'm not siding with the ministry because they're a bunch of fucking assholes but what are my other options? the order of the phoenix? oh yeah sure let's give authority to the hands of only the most powerful wizards in europe, I'm sure that won't cause any horribly unfortunate collar tugging borderline fascist rhetoric like in dark superhero fantasies like watchmen and sky high. wait. shit. ok then how about uuuhhh maybe the teenagers who have a track record for really shitty decision making and leadership skills? aw fuck. how about the heads of wizard schools? oh yes because oligarchy is totally ok if it's a triumvirate of schools instead of religion especially when the people who run them are the shadiest motherfuckers in the series. it's all corrupt and garbage so all we can do is threat management and go with whoever isn't gonna fuck shit up the most.

I'd much rather roll my eyes at beureaucrats and try to compromise about what my free education will teach me than get fuckin avada kedavra'd for having an "impure bloodline".

and you're a fucking moron if you disagree.

...

I am talking about the book series and nothing else. there is no possible allegory, euphemism, or inference to be made from this post.

[kaldwinwrites]

The Cost of Magic | D&D

[a/n: I got the sudden urge to write a piece on my Wood Elf Rogue, Valkaer after our last session, it was a fuckin’ doozy.

A little info on characters: Valkaer is a 27 year old Elf Rogue, currently tasked with keeping her party, Sahvyn; a human Wizard, Kell; a Halfling Monk, and Thrung; A half-orc Barbarian alive. A year before the adventure, she lost her lover and fiancée Oriala to a mysterious cult. Oriala’s sister Elisande is a warlock who trained Oriala and attempted to train Valkaer, who chose to stick with daggers.]

Rating: G

Words: 2225

Summary: Valkaer feels something calling to her, something that’s letting her use warlock magic. She enlists the help of an old friend to advise on her next move

The dragon snarls, fresh gashes line its body, puncture wounds from Valkaer’s precise stabs, slices taken out of its scale and flesh from Thrung’s axe, shattered and scorched scales from Kell’s relentless attacks and Sahvyn’s spells. Burning liquid shadow drips from its mouth as it breathes deep and unleashes a torrent of shadowfire.

Valkaer leaps just in time to avoid the flame completely, she smirks as she lands. “You’ll need to do better than that to get at us” she thinks to herself, then she hears it; after the roaring sound of fire dies down, the soft sound of a Halfling hitting the ground.

She turns just in time to see Bea rush to Kell’s motionless body, and her heart skips a beat. She was supposed to protect them, keep them alive. And she failed. She let another loved one die.

She turns, stares back at the dragon, rage and grief building deep inside her, she hears Thrung let out a bestial roar to her right and for a brief moment, she swears she sees red flash in his eyes. Hers are cold, glazed over.

She drops the Ironwood dagger in her right hand as a thick black smoke starts to envelop her entire form. She’s felt this before, the night Oriala died. She reaches deep, taps into the rage and grief that threaten to shatter her from within, cling to the memory of Kell, and Oriala. Thinks back to what little Elisande had taught her.

She lifts her hand, the black smoke concentrates around her arm, then gathers in her palm. That same fury she saw in Thrung now radiates through her. In an instant, she snaps back to the real world, her golden eyes momentarily flashing red as all of the rage, all of the grief culminates in two inky black beams, like streams of black opal spout from her hand and fire at the dragon.

She sees the beams make contact, then feels a warmth coat the entire back side of her body as golden light spills past her form, followed by a gasp for breath. She goes to turn but is caught off guard by the sound of metal crunching through scale and flesh and bone and earth. Again and again and again and again, until all that is left of the dragon’s neck is mince.

Thrung drags the dragon’s head back towards the entrance of the clearing wordlessly, as Valkaer drops her other dagger and sprints to Kell, dropping to her knees to embrace him. She hasn’t cried in a year. Kell, bless his heart, is more concerned about Valkaer crying into his shoulder than having just died and been resurrected.

The party collects their rewards from the dragon’s hidden hoard and return with the beast’s head. Once all is said and done, the carriage, along with Larry and Barry, is a welcome sight.

The next morning, while Kell makes breakfast and Thrung looks around to see if he can find Rage skulking nearby, Valkaer wanders over to the treeline and holds out her right hand, palm facing a tree. She closes her eyes and tries to find that feeling, that mixture of rage and grief and hopelessness that she felt when Oriala died, and again last night.

She thinks back to Elisande’s teaching. “Warlock magic is highly emotional. You need to feel every spell, feel the weight of it on your soul. Every spell has a cost, every spell takes a toll on your very being.”

She speaks the words aloud to herself over and over, adopting it as a mantra. “If you don’t fuel your spells with your emotions, they’ll feed on your soul.” She stands there for what feels like hours, arm outstretched, fingers splayed.

Finally, she concentrates on the feeling she had last night, the memory of it still fresh in her mind, the feeling still fresh in the pit of her stomach. She thinks she feels something, something press against the inside of her skull, something whispering, distant, alluring, and something pushing against her fingertips, as if trying to burst out from within.

And then, nothing. The wind picks up momentarily, howls through the trees, and again, she swears she hears that same alluring whisper, as if something is calling to her. She shakes it off, she’s over-tired, she hasn’t slept in a month, and Trances are only so good.

She makes her way back to the carriage just as Kell finishes breakfast, and Thrung returns, a poorly-hidden frown painted on his face, doubtless Rage was nowhere to be seen. She takes her place next to Thrung, resting against him as she eats. She has never savoured Kell’s cooking more than this morning.

As the sun dips below the buildings in Exaris, Valkaer slips easily out of the castle. She has spent the last few months mapping it out in her mind, watching guard patrols in her days off, when she lazes about the castle. She can get in and out now without anyone knowing she ever left.

She makes her way through the twisting streets, towards, and eventually past the Sailheart, to the western gate, where she finds a familiar form waiting for her. Black robes, a hood pulled up, black horns poking over the brim, a long, slender tail waving back and forth, curling as it does, and a skull floating beside her, purple energy radiating from it.

“It’s been a year, Valkaer.” And Valkaer’s heart skips a beat. She forgot how alike Elisande and Oriala sound. “Why did you send the gnome to find me?”

“It’s nice to see you’re doing well, Ellie” her throat is dry, she’s hoping in vain that Elisande doesn’t turn around. She does, and Valkaer’s heart sinks.

“Better than my sister.” Her words cut like knives, there’s a venom in her tone, but her face softens when she sees Valkaer’s composure begin to break. “I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. This year has been hard for me, Valkaer. For us both I imagine. Seeing you tonight is bringing back the memories I had of her, of you both.”

“It’s much the same for me, trust me.. At least I don’t look and sound like her,” she said, managing a chuckle. But the waver in her voice gives her away. “I’m sure neither of us want to spend tonight bringing up memories of her, so I’ll just come out with it. I used warlock magic.”

Elisande’s eyes widen, and her head cocks at this, “I thought you told me you’d “stick to the cloak and dagger”.. What’s your patron?”

“That’s the thing,” Valkaer pauses, unsure of what to expect, “I don’t have one.”

Elisande shakes her head, “Impossible. Warlock magic comes from our patron.” she motions to the skull, which looks between Elisande and Valkaer, then nods at Valkaer.

“Maybe it’s different for me? Like, Drow have innate magical ability, maybe it’s the same with wood elves?” she paces, running through what could have caused it, and her mind briefly flashes back to the outskirts of the forest, the whisper in her head. “There was something, though..”

“What kind of something Valkaer?” there’s a panic to her voice, the kind that sets Valkaer on alert.

“It wasn’t anything specific, but it felt like it was calling to me. Like it was in my head.”

Elisande rushes forward and grabs Valkaer by both shoulders, “Listen to me. This is important and your life may very well depend on it.”

Six years Valkaer has known Elisande, and never has she seen her look or sound like this. Elisande Netherspite, the calm, collected warlock, always the voice of reason, always the calm, never the storm, is now losing her composure. Her voice wracked with worry.

“Warlocks make pacts with their patrons. Our very existence is a bid for power, for gain. Nothing. And I mean nothing calls out for a warlock. If something is giving you this power and calling you to find it, you need to run. Run as far in the opposite direction as you can.”

Valkaer pulls away, takes a step back, “Ellie, the only two times I’ve ever been able to harness that magic were the night Ori died, and the night.. Recently.. That another friend died. I…” she pauses, trying to find the words.

“I have people I need to protect. People I can’t let die. This isn’t a personal duty to people I love, this is a mission. This is important. Maybe the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve seen what your magic can do, I’ve seen how powerful it can be. If whatever is calling out to me can give me that power, give me the ability to protect my charge, my friends, I’m going to seek it out.”

Elisande lowers her head, and tears drop into the sand at her feet. When she looks up, it’s almost as if all of the brilliant green has faded from her eyes. She’s calm once more. “I will not sit idly by while the only family I have left marches to her death. You’re not the only one who picked up things from Ori.”

As she speaks, the skull chatters something silently to her, “No, Xal. Not this time.” She responds aloud. “Goodbye, Valkaer. I’ll see you again.” She spins on her heels in a way that hits Valkaer harder than it should, and walks out of the city, headed for Sedieas.

Valkaer, despite how tired she is, doesn’t sleep that night. She gives up after an hour and resorts to drinking alone in the dining hall, watching soldiers on the late shift sit down for lunch, or dinner, or perhaps even a late breakfast.

“Alone latenight drinking? Christ, Valkaer, I didn’t know it was this bad,” were it any other time, Valkaer would have smiled at the familiar sound of Thrung’s voice, but tonight her path weighs heavily on her mind.

“Thrung, let me ask you something..” she says, a slur in her voice, “If there was something calling you, a source of great power, and you knew you had to find it, had to seek it out and take it, but it could be a trap.. Would you go for it? Would you try to find it?”

Thrung sits beside her and retrieves a bottle of tequila from the bag of holding and uncorks it with his teeth, spitting the cork at one of the soldiers eating across the room. “Are you not something of an expert when it comes to traps?” he takes a large swig and offers the bottle to Valkaer, who happily takes it.

“Not that kind of trap.” She looks at her right hand, she can still almost feel the pressure against the insides of her fingertips, like her bones were trying to force their way out, “I spoke with.. an expert tonight. She seemed terrified when I told her.” And she takes a swig and passes the bottle back to Thrung.

Thrung thinks a moment before downing the rest of the tequila, “You humans and your tiny bottles.”

“I’m an elf”

“You’re all tiny and breakable.”

Valkaer manages a laugh, despite the decision weighing on her mind. “I’m going to find it. And I want you to promise me something.. If it turns out to be a trap. If I go darkside, get possessed, try to kill you. Don’t try to subdue me. You’ve seen me fight, you know how much damage I can do if given half a chance.”

“What are you asking me to do, Valkaer?”

“If I find.. whatever it is that’s calling to me, and it bites me in the ass, if it causes me to turn on you. I want you to kill me. Don’t hold back.”

Thrung thinks for a moment, then nods. “It will be an honor”

Valkaer scoffs, “I hardly think killing me is an honor”

“No, I meant it will be an honor for you to die by my blade.”

Again, she manages a laugh. And it’s moments like this that remind Valkaer why she loves Thrung. Even tonight, with fresh memories of Oriala in her mind, with the thought of marching to her potential death, with the weight of her choices to come bearing down on her, Thrung still manages to cast all of that aside and make her laugh.

The rest of the night passes, Thrung and Valkaer sit by the fire sharing drinks and stories. She tells him more that night than she has shared with anyone in the last year. She tells him about Oriala, how she died, about how Elisande had blamed her for months for her sister’s death, about how she came to work for the Claw after leaving the Dark Hand.

Eventually, as dawn breaks and the morning light begins to peek through the high windows in the dining hall, as the fire is no more than embers dancing over ash, Sahvyn and Kell walk through the big double doors, ready for breakfast, and spot Valkaer and Thrung, still drunk, talking and laughing.

The party eats breakfast together and decides to go about their days. Kell meditates and focuses on harnessing his new power, Sahvyn returns to his room to study his father’s journals, and Valkaer goes with Thrung, to the courtyard, where Starkness and Thrung so often trained.

“So, what do you want to learn, Valkaer?”

“I would like to rage.”

#D&D #5e #dungeons and dragons

[fourth-axis]

Dragon Age Inquisition, and the quest to get wasted while avoiding family drama (previously)

So through chats I found that wizard Freddie Mercury Dorian is quite prone to drinks. makes sense tbh, Mother Giselle and him are exchanging some chronic stink eyes and i bet it’s Real Fun™ being a Vint in the Chantry’s bosom... about as fun as being a non-believing knife ea---no, no, we’re not going to sidetrack into that, deep breaths, deep breaths.

ANYway, he even mentions going for some brandy and I'm already celebrating, i'm pouring myself some Antivan wine irl, the scene goes dark, i'm about to yell cheers at my computer screen when... nOTHING! No cut scene!! What is this bullshit?? is it a glitch? 0/10, worst game ever, does not support alcoholism

But then i'm like, slow down, hold on, might not be the end of the world, let's ask Lord Google. They will know. Turns out, the other person susceptible to alcoholic indulgence is Iron Bull and all you need to do to get some drinks with him is kill a fuckin dragon.... ಠ_ಠ wow game, you're really working hard to stop my Dalish noodle from properly wallowing in the weight of his responsibilities.

speaking of “getting drunk,” here’s a little aside. 3am, brain barely operational, running around Redcliffe Village looking for someshit i’m not even sure what anymore. oh look, the golden compass is pointing me towards an inn, what’s in there i wonder.........oh i dunno.........Dorian’s personal quest that i didn’t warn him about maybe???

i ran in there like an unthinking ass and got some premium discomfort. i wanted to claw through that door and out of that cut scene so bad. suddenly VERY AWAKE, the inquisitor’s got his best [screaming internally] face. “This looks like a serious family matter, my bad, i’m just gonna leave you to it--”

“Stay awhile and listen,” the fancy Vint says but with 300% more anger and i’m sinking in my chair irl. At this point it’s obvious that voice actor brought his A game for the cut scene, and an F-bomb plummets from the orbit, and i’m trying to become one with the walls, mashing my fade step button, hoping for a god damn miracle.

one harrowing family drama later, i am alive and functional and mildly shook. there may or may not have been a hand covering my eyes. well played Bioware. the dialogue wheel pops up and, again, i’m wondering, where the flying fuck is the option to tell dad to piss off back to Tevinter and have some drinks right there in the inn! you don’t go through shit like this sober, wtf game, step it up and ENABLE ME HIM US!

see, even an aside comes down to drinking in a tavern. but i know now what i have to do, i know where and how to find my release. namely in the Western Approach with The Bull tagging along. he was like a giddy school girl when he saw the dragon :3 and afterwards? ooooohhh, i don’t know what rancid Qunari beverage he gave me but it was gOOD and we had a gr8 time and the lightweight inquisitor got knocked out for at least 5 solid days. it was amazing, 10/10 experience, Bull for best bro, would have ridden him if he had the option.

P.S. no, i’m not paranoid about people calling me “knife ear” behind my back. i know they’re doing it.

......and why am i flip-flopping between 1st and 3rd person so much? a mystery. 

#da:i #i'm not a chronic alcoholic #but my inquisitor is on the edge of being one #dragon age inquisition #shitpost