#well. it's my blog i suppose i'm allowed to post about myself once in a blue moon right

[transformers-earthspark]

Apologies for my recent radio silence. I've had a lot on my mind lately.

This post isn't Earthspark-related at all, but please read it.

I need to take a second on this blog to acknowledge some things going on in the world. I should not have stayed silent on this blog before, but I'm trying to fix that now.

Genocide in Palestine + how you can help Palestinians

You can buy e-sims for people in Gaza here. Anything helps.

Click here daily to help generate funds for Palestine. It's free and takes less than a minute.

Here's a list of where you can donate to help Palestine.

(If there's anything I should add to this section, please let me know.)

-----

The KOSA bill, what it's going to do if passed, and how you can help prevent it from taking effect

KOSA will essentially erase anonymity from the internet by requiring people to upload their government ID or other form of identification to any social media site, as well as restricting resources and information on LGBT rights, history, racism, and more. This bill will censor the entire internet and destroy privacy while violating First Amendment rights and potentially putting minors in danger.

This also could very well mean the end of Tumblr, and I'm not exaggerating here.

Tomorrow KOSA could be passed in Senate, and from there it will need to pass in the House of Representatives before being signed into law by the president. It's not doomsday yet, but it is a dangerous situation-- and here's what you can do.

StopKOSA.org provides you with a template email to send to your representatives. You can leave it how it is or edit it to say what you want, and then send it from their website.

The website also allows you to call your representatives and gives you a template of what to say.

BadInternetBills.org, run by the same people, takes action against KOSA as well as other bills like EARN IT. At the time of posting this, over 356,000 people have signed this petition.

Additionally there are several petitions on change.org to help stop KOSA. Here are a few of them.

STOP KOSA

STOP THE KOSA

Stop Kosa

Save Humanity, Oppose KOSA

STOP THE KOSA ACT

(Again, please let me know if there's anything I should add.)

-----

One last thing-- The evolution of AI images and video.

I don't really have anything good to say. AI is evolving fast and changing the world as we know it. We are adapting, but nobody knows how this really is going to end up.

A few quick points:

AI images are not art. That's all. AI "artists" who genuinely claim to have made something of their own just by typing a prompt into a generator will be blocked. (Which has been in my rules for a while, but I still think it needs to be said.)

I recommend Glaze for artists who don't want their art being scraped and used for data training. Especially with the recent rumors of an upcoming deal between Tumblr and Midjourney. There's also a similar program called Nightshade (haha, earthspark reference? anyone?🦉) that I haven't tested myself but have heard good things about.

-----

That's all, I suppose. Reblogs are good, if you don't mind.

Spread the word about KOSA. Contact your representatives. Sign the petitions.

Support Palestine if possible. Donate if you can. If you are unable to donate, make sure to do your daily clicks.

Stay safe and take care of yourselves. ❤️

#>> mod: firefly #this will be one of the only non-earthspark things i'll ever post #look i'm going to be completely honest here; i'm stressed out of my fucking mind. this is not okay #the state of the world is terrifying and i hate it #but we can still do things to help #it's important to not give up hope because there is hope and we can fight for it #but not if we give up before we can try #alright yeah that's my attempt at a pep talk. from the earthspark blog mod. #thank you for reading this anyways. <3 #oh and anon asks will be off for a short while because i'm scared of. idk. everything right now. sorry about that #tags: #palestine #from the river to the sea #free palestine #stop kosa #anti ai #ai art theft #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #kosa #kosa bill #bad internet bills #internet censorship #hgffgdfgdfh

[cupids-chamber]

2023/08/23

I'll be on my way now, I'm closing down all my other blogs and ask bin. I'd prefer if no one reached out to me during this time.

I'll be active on my Wattpad account if I feel like writing from time to time, (I'd also like to finish what I started) I've also made an AO3 account, in case I post anything. I plan on posting my Concubine series & Circus au works there as well.

(More info below the undercut)

Hi! This may come of as a shock, and I try not to get too open on this blog, but a month, or so ago. I posted about how I might have DID. (I did extensive research on DID, and reached out to my cousin who had DID for help, and though I will not self diagnose, I match almost all if not all the symptoms for it.)

This Cupid persona has developed into someone of it's own, and I don't feel like I'm the same person as before, and in all honesty I genuinely don't even know who I'm anymore. It's hard for me to focus on my health and mental health, along side simple tasks and even hobbies like writing which I love.

I will say coming into tumblr, the past two years caused me more harm then good. I've realized that though I came into this app being extremely s*icidal and interacting with the users here have made me feel better about myself. It has caused many negative impacts, and I can confidently say that due to me obsessing over writing on time or everyday for tumblr, I've developed an eating disorder of sorts, and recently it seems my body is rejecting food as a whole.

I love writing, and I love that people enjoy my writing, sadly it's the cause of a lot of health issues, mentally and physically. And though I still write from time to time, recently typing or writing by hand makes me feel awful and it's not like those usual burn outs.

I feel like crying as I'm typing this up, and a lot of people may call me dramatic for this but I genuinely feel a pit in my stomach when I go on this app it's not even funny anymore. This blog itself has caused me so much trouble behind the scenes, and though I'm not quitting. I most certainly can't leave something I've worked so hard on, (and this is the place where I met the few people that honestly may not know it, but probably helped stop me from offing myself.)

Like I said, I'll be on different apps, maybe once every 2 weeks or a month, but I'm trying to avoid social media, trying to pick up new hobbies, trying to gain some sort of stability in my life because I'm not stable enough to handle anything right now but like I said, I love writing and I think you guys should at least see it through on the series and tasks I've started.

I'm crying now, and I'm very grateful that you've all supported my work, and allowed me to explore my writing on this platform, I've learned a lot about this fandom. I still find it ironic that people call me a workaholic, I'm genuinely the biggest procrastinator you'll ever meet.

Thank you for supporting me, because without your support and reassurance, I might not have been here until now. Especially to some of my moots, who took the time to chat with me.

So, this is goodbye I suppose. At least on this platform, maybe not forever, but it is goodbye for the next good while.

— Signing off, cupids-chamber

[yourthirdparent]

OH MY GOD okay so a beloved follower of mine sent me an ask about my tristan mclean headcanons like in december but i accidentally deleted !!!!!!! the fuckcing ask !!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i'm making it a post. hope you don't mind. also sorry for the wait

most of my thoughts are things i can not share on this blog (this is the Normal blog for Normal things and not the fucked up torture i subject this man to on a regular basis. tbf i hardly post about it on the Bad Posts blog either but like still. can share it on ao3 though check out sleep by imjustheretoreadonefic (don't do that it's not good)) but you can ask about that (if you want, which you probably won't because it is not most people's thing lmao) on my sideblog, yourfourthparent!! BUTBUTBUT i do have some thoughts and headcanons and such that are at the very least decently presentable!!!!

starting off first: i think he's bi! i think he figured out he was bi when he was pretty young (probably somewhere in his teenage years, probably like 15 max) and when he was in his 20s he was very involved in the queer community (his 20s being. in the 80s. sorry.) and was like a big activist. that is until the curse.

the curse being him hitting his big break. stars in some film that wasn't supposed to really blow up but it like Fucking Smashed and suddenly he was like all those guys who do one role and then are suddenly in Everything. cuz he sure is in literally everything. once he starts blowing up ofc he's got folks to help manage his image and at some point they're like haha [lip bite] you gotta stop with that gay shit or straight audiences won't find you marketable. you're already native and folks can hardly handle that let alone you being an active queer activist. you gotta cut that shit out so you can be the next batman or whatever. and tristan's like Well at least i'll make money to support myself and my dying father!

newsflash his father dies of cancer before he gets a chance. tristan's doing his best to avoid thinking about his father's death so he moves out of oklahoma blah blah yk how it goes.

he has piper when he's 33 ! everything's set and he's settled and then piper comes along and like. he's alright. he can handle this. he can be a good father (he's white knuckling the bathroom sink while he says this)

yeah he's terrified of being a shitty father. he does his best to keep her away from the press and keep her Okay for the most part but in order to do that he doesn't get to see her much etc etc. you know. you've read hoo. bleh

when piper starts dating jason he's like Oh cool ! i am about to break down ! cuz like. hey man. he is so not prepared for the reality of The Passage of Time. wdym his daughter is 16. fym tristan's almost fifty. that's so fucked up how is this allowed.

anyways he and jason are like Besties (*shoving my Bad posts to the side*) like they're such good friends they hang out so often even after jason and piper break up they're just Hiding it then. like they have weekly chess meetings and they talk about books and their lives and jason concerns tristan So Much oh my god tristan is so scared for this poor boy What are those tattoos young man Who are these "wolves" that raised you What is this "legion" Are you in a gang Little private school boy are you in a gang. What do you mean your first language is latin.

ngl my obsession with tristan came from my obsession with jason. i made a post like ages ago about how silly it'd be if tristan was jason's gay awakening and i just kept. thinking about them hanging out. and it spiralled and now i'm insane about him sorry. jason will always be my number one but Oohhhhh tristan consumes me.

anyways live tristan reaction when he finds out jason's mom is beryl grace in the middle of showing jason and piper a million old movies (beryl is in one and jason sees her and immediately freezes and tristan's just talking through the movie (hes silly sorry he talks through the whole thing. piper actually likes it because she has a hard time following movies so tristan explaining everything is good but jason is vaguely annoyed by it. he loves tristan to death don't get him wrong it's just that he can't concentrate on the kovie with tristan spitting fun facts a million words a second) when he looks over to see if theyre still watching and he just sees piper fretting over jason who's looking at the screen with a thousand gard stare.

let's go misc things that i want to mention somewhere but don't really fit uhhhh

i have this idea where tristan used to be a drag queen. i don't have any of the details down not a single one but i think about him talking to piper and her friends about the old days when he was a queen. mentions something offhandedly about how he wants to wear more feminine clothing and someone's like "oh are you like. yk. a gamer" and he's like "oh nonono i'm not trans trust me i explored my gender plenty, wore makeup, padded my bra, did drag for a few years, changed my name—" and they're like "you did DRAG ???" and he's like "OH yeah LOLZ i was terrible lol. my team keeps trying to bury it from public view for a reason. those looks were NOT serving !!!!" (he doesn't talk like that but i'm being silly rn)

(you just knoooooow jason was jaw on the floor immediately looking up TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG QUEEN PERSONA NAME TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG QUEEN TRISTAN MCLEAN— the SECONDDDD he got a chance. like staring so hard at old ass pictures of tristan doing drag and realising like Oh maybe i am bi. piper dumped him because she found his search history /j)

i think when his father died he cut his hair but then when it started growing long again it reminded him too much of the past that he Didn’t Want To Think About so he just. kept it short. and it's been short ever since. BUTBUTBUT when piper decides she wants to reconnect with her culture (which she's been mostly separate from because of tristan's own avoidance of it due to memories of his childhood and his father and blahblahblah) it sort of motivates him to do it too. like if piper's gonna do it after tristan entirely cut her from their culture then like. he can too. and it was a big part of his life when he was younger so like. he knows shit. i'm not good at this btw sorry i just have ideas UGSFHADGSF but anyways when piper starts reconnecting he decides to do it too and his first step with like Getting Comfortable again is growing his hair out. it's a smaller step yk he just doesn't cut his hair it's nothing active. (ofc when it starts getting properly long he has a few moments. he has to really confront his grief over his father's death and just the fear of that alone is enough to make him want to cut it again. piper stops him before he does but he has a few moments where he questions if it's worth it)

ik i just said earlier that he's not trans but like sometimes. with characters. i have headcanons that complety contradict each other. that is to say Transfem tristan mclean headcanon. she changes her name to t. just T. t wynn mclean. she goes by t cuz it's something she's already used to (jason called her that all the time before she came out).

these are all the ones i have off the top of my head agh pleaseplease feel free to ask more about any of these !!! (or critique them lmao half of them are. things i suck at explaining because they exist only for hyperspecific scenarios wherein nothing happens but tristan talking to jason or piper LMAO) you can also send in your own headcanons about him or jason or piper because EYE WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT THEM RAAAAGHHH seriously there's so little stuff that features him especially and if you have literally anything at all i would lovelovelove to read it all !!!!!!! sorry for deleting the ask btw i really didn't mean to LMAO sorry to my honourary mutual (i'd tag you but i'm afraid of misremembering who it was LMAO sorry mate 💔💔)

#allfatherly guidance #answered prayers #tristan mclean #tysm to the person who sent the ask btw !!! i love talking lol #sorry it took so long to get this post out lol #btw. take a shot every time i say an expression of laughter #pjo #hoo

[thisdreamplace]

i keep having these glimpses, of purity, of truth and also cloudedness easily provided by the ego.

i know its a moment of transformation, of rebirth. for a moment all is clear, and i get it. peace flows to me in abundance, love is a thing i am and not a thing i seek. all is well and there's nothing to ask for anymore, nothing to want.

but other times, its a downward spiral and crash landing into every painful story i ever called mine. any hurtful belief i easily accepted back then, when i simply didnt know what i know now. and sometimes its so heavy, i can hardly make the seperation between a story and my true self.

i've learned so much on this journey, experienced such beautiful things. but the truth is, things havent been easy for me lately and i want to be transparent about that. more than anything, i'd like to allow safety and knowledge of the process. knowing these things, doesn't make it an overnight process. and that's okay. i'm saying this for myself, but for everyone else too who feels like they're doing something wrong because they read the posts and they get it, and yet that hasn't stopped the fears or doubts or ego from taking over time to time. let's never pretend the process doesn't exist, because then we'd be denying this life we chose to come here and live and explore, and that just makes everything more painful than ever necessary. it's deattachment from what the ego says things are supposed to be, and just allowing what truly is, beyond all that.

the post i wrote about indifference, i understand it more than ever. that being said, it doesn't mean i am always successful. but even so, i know that's where i want to go back to each time. it makes so much sense, there's nothing to fight, and even more, there's nothing to liberate myself from. i've been sitting with myself, sometimes with binural beats on (i just really like them, no need for them tho) and just sit with everything. not in a fight, not to say "i dont believe in you, go away"... but to simply say "welcome in, your presence literally changes nothing." and sit with that uncomfortable feeling if it arises.

i'm leaving this blog indefinitely, once again. i love reading all of your lovely words, and finding small pockets of inspirations from some of you other lovely bloggers out there. but it's also time for me to turn away again, to find peace in my own life, and come closer to the god within and the love that is infinitely mine, if only i'll allow myself to acknowledge it.

#im actually really emotionally exhausted #and i know that its literally up to me to liberate myself #and i know im being given that opportunity through the pains #but its been a difficult couple of months yall lol'

[ship-discourse-confessions]

I feel like the only way this blog can ethically exist is if there's a basic requirement of civility. If you allow and post "confessions" like "proshippers should be neutered" this blog just becomes a way for ppl to anonymously bully folks.

I'm just gonna post these both together and respond to it all at once. I had to chew on it for a while and I had a meeting, so I'm sorry I didn't respond to your first ask right away.

Under a cut since this got a little long.

I honestly thought that person was being sarcastic. To me, it read very similarly to a lot of the things people were saying about the whole paraphilia thing from a few days ago, the whole "Right, because we should seriously kill people for kids they MIGHT hurt in the FUTURE" sentiment I saw a few people toss around.

But whether they meant it or not, whether they're seriously someone who holds this belief or someone mocking said belief, it's clearly ambiguous enough to hurt people regardless.

Posting that in the profic/proship tags (especially with no trigger warnings) was irresponsible of me and I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry to anyone I hurt, especially since I didn't give you any way to effectively prevent seeing stuff like that.

Honestly, I've been kind of skimming my asks for a few days, ever since the paraphilia shit I mentioned. All of that made me kind of want to vomit and I hated reading anything about it. Everything involved in that was kind of disgusting and there were several asks I genuinely couldn't finish. But...

I really don't like censoring or deleting the things people have to say in my ask box. When I created this blog, it was to post anything and everything I received, with no filter and no censorship (except for personally identifiable/directly targeted asks). Screaming into the void about silly fandom discourse and shipping two characters together. It isn't about which side has good or valid points or makes any sense at all, it's supposed to be cathartic.

I wanted to see what people would say when they knew there was no pressure or expectations to say one thing or the other, that no matter what they said, I'd still post it. Even if the content made me feel sick. Even if it were something I find genuinely immoral.

I completely understand why people wouldn't want these asks up, and especially why they wouldn't want it in the profic tags, which is why I've purged them all from the profic/proship tags. I'm also in the process of adding trigger tags to each post that might be triggering (formatted as "tw: *trigger*" if you want to block them). However, I've been posting things I don't personally agree with and things I genuinely cannot read all the way through, because I specifically don't want to delete anything anyone has sent.

I can delete the more aggressive asks completely and never answer anything like that again, but If I do that, I'll be deleting asks about my personal triggers as well. This means that asks involving discussion of incest, pedophilia, or necrophilia in any depth, real or in media, goes too. If I'm filtering out what people can send me, I'm not going to intentionally trigger myself anymore for this blog.

Or I can keep those posts "up," but with heavy trigger warnings. If I go with this, I'll put them under a cut as well so people have to read the trigger warnings and then click a button to see it.

Again, I'm very sorry for posting that ask in the profic/proship tag where anyone could see it completely unprompted. I need to be more responsible with this going forward, that much is certain. I'm going to leave the route this blog goes up to you all. Please give me your thoughts.

#not a confession

[ithappensblog]

nice to meet you

Hi, I’m Jenny and welcome to my blog. In this post, I want to share with you some of the highlights and challenges of my life so far, and how I’m trying to find my purpose and happiness in this world.

I’m almost 34 years old and still struggling to figure out my life. Aren't we all? I’ve gone to school for a diploma program in Medical Laboratory Technician/Phlebotomy, a diploma program for Accounting Technician, and started my Human Resource Management diploma program too. I’ve always wanted to be an RN but, life and my body had other plans for me. I’ve always been interested in learning new things and pursuing different careers, and I've finally found one which fulfills me. I have a really good job now, but I’m not really supposed to talk about what I do so I’m going to leave that part out, but it’s finally something I’m good at and something I enjoy doing. It pays well and gives me flexibility and stability. It also challenges me and allows me to use my skills and creativity.

I have a husband who I’ve been with for 10 years now. Jason has helped me grow into a much better person and loves me unconditionally. He supports me in everything I do and encourages me to follow my dreams. I have 2 stepsons who have given me a run for my money but I still love them both at the end of the day. They are growing up so fast and I’m proud of the young men they are becoming. After an incredibly challenging fertility journey, I have my almost 5 year old daughter who is bright, caring, funny, and wise beyond her years. She is the light of my life and the reason I smile every day. I always tell her she saved my life, and it's true, but I won't tell her how until she's much older.

I have a passion for traveling and exploring new places. We try to do a big family vacation once a year and just this year decided that one trip a year should be spent nurturing our relationship. I love animals and have two dogs and three cats who keep me company and make me laugh. I’m on a journey to self love after spending my entire life as an overweight underdog. I’ve struggled with my body image and self-esteem for as long as I can remember, but I’m learning to accept myself and love myself for who I am. I have a daughter now, and I owe it to her to be kind to myself as the way I behave in front of her will be a reflection of how she treats her own body.

I live with many invisible illnesses both mentally and physically but try my best to get through every day. Some of the conditions I deal with are anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, insulin resistent PCOS, Chronic Kidney Disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraines, and more. Yeah, I know, it fucking sucks. But, I'm definitely not here to gain pity for my health problems. By looking at me, you'd think the only problem I'd had in my life was enjoying one too many cheeseburgers. Some days are better than others, but some days are really hard. I try to be positive and optimistic, but sometimes I feel hopeless and overwhelmed. I’m grateful for the support of my family, friends, doctors, therapists, and online communities who help me cope and understand that I’m not alone.

I grew up in Guelph, Ontario and ventured back to Sudbury, Ontario after leaving my now ex-husband which was the best decision I’ve ever made. He was an interesting choice to say the least, and for the longest time I felt so trapped. It took me a long time to gather the courage to leave him, but when I did, I felt free and empowered. It was a turning point in my life that led me to meet my current husband and start a new chapter.

I’m thankful for this beautiful life I live. It’s not perfect, but it’s mine. And it’s full of love, laughter, learning, adventure, growth, gratitude, and hope. Thank you for reading this post even though you're probably rolling your eyes at yet another new overnight brainchild. But I'm going to try to use this as an outlet to heal and grow from the shit life throws my way, and hopefully inspire others to do the same along the way.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #self love #body image #body positivity #ptsd #ocd #anxiety #chronic health #divorce #stepparent #stepparenting #stepmom #sudbury #guelph #momsover30 #millennialmoms #millennials #shithappens #adhd #actuallyadhd #neurodivergent

[praise-milkman]

quick typing brain hurty

:( i have had a lot of moments in life where i my family speculated if i had depression or anxiety clinically, but other diagnoses seemed off the table. My dad has ADHD and I was super shy as kid but also smart, but no adult ever seemed to consider maybe I had what HE had OR maybe ..... on the spectrum. i know screening tests only go so far, I am so far from being able to go somwhere to diagnose or anything.... and every description of masking from sources and other people sound JUST like me, and now I am confused how one is supposed to know if they are on the spectrum or have a level of autism if they masked their whole life?? I noticed i was answering screening questions with what I would LIKE to do or be, so I switched to my mindset of when i was younger and felt my stress honestly instead of internalizing it and seeing how it was not sociable.... and that kid needed lots of help. I'm better now but only cause I have to be and i GET SO TIRED of being "an adult". I feel like the same person i was when i was 12 just employed and stuff. i never gave myself the space to consider i was more than just a little anxious (never got properly diagnosed in that area, just a lot of sessions with school counselors..) so now i'm trying to do that and find information so i can stop punishing myself for habits and behaviors that might ...like not be my fault....

in my life, i have had an INTENSE fear of conflict and being wrong. just scrolling around tumblr a couple posts in the autism tag make me feel like i shouldn't even be there. one post said "functioning" labels are frowned upon, but I also looked at a users blog who was non-verbal and called themselves low-functioning, and had some posts where they were very frustrated with "high-functioning" people and how they talk about autism. i mean already i learned that the thought "i feel non-verbal sometimes" may be more like...selective mutism or something else regarding communication, so i am happy i am looking into it bc that's how i feel. but i noticed my fear of being incorrect crop up and i don't like drawing attention to myself but i am 24 and tired of just acting like i'm normal and that it hasn't been a roller coaster hell trying to be socially acceptable. i've tried self-helping my way through life with moderate results, i at least know it;s not for lack of trying and now i see the pattern in my thinking, depression, obsession over topics, and so many things, but guilt and a constant sense of imposter syndrome about EVERYTHING holds me back from being honest about my feelings sometimes and how much it sucks because i had friends sadder than me and less stability and friends with worse disability so by all acounts i am doing super well but even those friends would not want me to discard my own suffering in a game of unbalanced comparison.

i'm not super sure why i'm posting this but i have never really once allowed myself the space to be weird and wrong and just roll with the fact that we are all weird and wrong about stuff sometimes. i vow to never hold hate in my heart so i wonder why i can't just trust that/. why am i so hateful towards myself then. I want to just say out loud, I AM CONFUSED all the time pretty much now, I feel LESS HEALTHY now then when i was 19 but I am honestly SMARTER and MORE CAPABLE so that's why it's such a CONTRADICTION. I feel like i am doing alright but somehow OVERTHINKING more than ever. some of my anxieties and social confusions are getting more glaring as i get older to the point where i'm like... i thought i had this under control? I fixed this thing that was "wrong"? And then I read online...there is such a thing as COVERING UP versus "FIXING" and that BLEW MY MIND and has stuck an itch in my brain I cannot get rid of , it explains how i wasted my WHOLE childhood caring too much about things i didn't even have to care about. I was worried about everyhting all the time and felt weird, and processed things weird, and i Was smart but too anxious so i didn't pass that one GT test, my self esteem lived on rock bottom as a school kid and i thought that was NORMAL and i was just SELF AWARE ABOUT MY FLAWS.

So there's that. i need to just stick it out right? It's hard to accept yourself, when your concept of self-acceptance or self-love is skewed in the first place? Like apparently I'm not the best measure... of if I'm being nice to myself... because I'm not sure what nice to myself really is. I miss being 4 years old i think haha

#personal #autism #depresssion #eeesh im just tired of saying nothing about it #clearly it's not helping

[jewtastic]

It's very likely we will be moving within the year, and I am now pressuring myself to get the One Big Project done before we do so.

My baby girl, a 1910 White Rotary Treadle Sewing Machine.

She was a steal on ebay, at a measily 35$ for a working sewing machine, but no base or cabinet. And then the treadle base was one without the original cabinet and no machine, also in working order, for another 125$ plus 75$ in shipping for a large cast iron base that weighs easily over 60lbs.

I did get a walnut slab for free from my father before cutting contact, so I suppose I can finally say he did one decent thing for me in my life.

The true problem, is that the wood was green when I received it, and has since bowed and cracked. I tried to fix it, but I'm not a woodworker and quite frankly, did a piss poor job.

So I have two large hurdles to get her all put together and working.

I need to get her serviced and cleaned. All her parts work, she moves, and all her bells and whistles are accounted for. I even have the original box with additional feet and needles.

I need to get this wood actually prepared and ready for use.

So the worry now, is finding local craftsmen who are able to do these things better than my poor attempts with minimal knowledge. I do know how to maintain my girl once she's been properly cleaned, but I'm too scared to try and take her apart to full clean and check all the parts myself.

So I've sent off several e-mails to local small businesses, asking about their services and if they believe they can help with my issues.

There is a local man moving into retirement from a life in machining for large companies who has a passion for vintage machines, which I am beyond chuffed about. He's got a blog detailing some of the machines he's worked on, including an absolute gorgeous 1800s Singer. One can only dream of having one in such good condition as those pictures. So I'm certain he'll be the perfect pick for my darling, as she's a simple little machine, and already in good condition.

According to his site, his full service is 100$ plus applicable taxes, and if she needs parts, full cost plus time for the install. I'll likely end up tipping him as well, given he seems like a lovely man.

The wood however is proving more of an issue.

There is one company that seems the best choice, a local cabinetry company that also offers lumber prep on the side. However, they only have pricing listed per foot, and I'm rather certain they will also include labor costs which is not listed at all. They do allow you to bring your own wood, however, and I don't need a full cabinet, just the rescue of this lovely piece of walnut that I have tortured over the past year trying to fix.

All in all, though, even if it's a bit pricier than I expect, the cost of a 1910 White Rotary Treadle Sewing Machine, with all my love, sweat and tears poured into it, will still come out to under 500$, which is quite the steal for a vintage lady that will last not only me, but perhaps future generations as well.

Oh, and my unidentified spinning wheel only requires a single 80$ fly wheel, and a bit of wood glue to fix up. Also rather chuffed about getting her into working condition too.

Pictures will come later, however. I do plan on doing a full detailed post of them both, and my journey with them.

Once I move, though- then we'll be looking at looms. That will be a high price point no matter what I choose to go with, and I'm trembling imagining it.

#base lives life #fabric crafts #vintage machines

[stained-glass-salamander]

Happy Birthday!! 🎉🎉 - First of all I want to say how happy I am having found your blog relatively recently 😊 I really enjoy your style and look forward to your work every day. Be it in a post, or in the tags. I also want to thank you for being so supportive of mine! So, thanks! 💙 I hope you'll have a wonderful birthday.

1) truth: when I read your words about MCU it immediately had me thinking about its signal function in a broader social context, so what are your insights on that?

2) dare: I woke up one night and wrote this half sleeping, haven't used it yet, so this is a prompt: "Rhythm. Everything in existence logic pattern path of least resistance repetitive. Human = chaos. Repetition is boredom. The rhythm the pulse is distorted. Life! Life is chaos. The rest geometry."

3) we'll skip three 😋

4) I'd love a prompt!

5) and a flower, of course!

But because it's your birthday, I have a flower for you as well 😊 - enjoy your day!! 🎉

Hello and thank you for such a nice message - I thought about ways and words to convey how happy I am to have you enjoy my posts because I sure do enjoy yours, but got nowhere beyond a simple thank you. Rest assured I'll definitely keep on supporting your work as there is something enchanting in the way you write that got me transfixed - maybe it is the perspective from which you see things, maybe it is the way you use words to compose what reads like a piece of music, maybe it's everything at once or nothing at all - I can't quite name one specific aspect that makes it so alluring and beautiful, alloting your poems into my personal "resplendence" category along with nice landscape views, stained glass, flowers and 19th century piano compositions. I find myself gravitating to your words over and over again, and I sure am grateful for the serendipity that allowed me to find your blog. So, thank YOU!💙

And now that I had my fan-girl moment (please don't be scared, it's just me riding out the thrill of someone whose work I admire saying they enjoy my work too 😁), let's get onto the asks. I'm going to leave it under "read more."

(note: I think I'm going to scream, no wait, I'm already screaming - I wrote an approx. 5000 characters essay about MCU and tumblr glitched, leaving me with absolutely nothing. Yeah, I know, it was stupid of me not to save the draft after I finished or write it in an actual text editor, alas, here we are. Lessons learned. So just you know why I am answering so late. And why it is brief.)

1 - Ah, the MCU. First of all, the idea of kalokagathos is, unlike God, very much alive in the western society of today. As much as people enjoy heroic stories, they want to see beautiful people in tight costumes even more (when did we as a civilisation decide it is better to cover the body in neoprene rather than observe it nude? It would make more sense to wear a mask and some kind of briefs but nothing else given the unshakeable uniformity of the hero body shape.) The need for perfection is so great we are allowing Marvel heroes to be void of anything resembling a real human personality. This is nicely illustrated in Endgame, where Thor's depression is something we are supposed to laugh at. He is no longer perfect, and we are allowed to laugh at him displaying emotions and putting on some weight, and I hate this with a burning passion. Instead of giving the audience the story of Thor overcoming what more than fifty per cent of all people worldwide suffer from with help of friends and making positive changes, he is a laughing stock. And then there is the problem with heroes coming to existence through a quick process, usually some kind of exposure to radioactivity or a different substance that "mutates their DNA" (which in itself is laughable, but let's leave that aside for today.) There is no instance of people working hard to become strong, they simply get bitten by a rabid spider and get their code changed to wake up as a beefcake in the morning. I think this is a very common symptom of our western lifestyles where fast is not fast enough anymore.

Second of all, the films are void of any profound message because everything else is oversaturated with deep messages. The target group (which is huge judging by the money Disney makes off Marvel) wants to leave their dystopian lives outside the theatre, and watch morally flat characters fight other morally flat characters. We want to engage in an escapist fever dream full of stunning visual effects simply because it is better than anything we could do for those two hours.

Another reason for so many people to love it might be their feeling of having no power over their lives whatsoever. The idea of a hero coming and saving them, however improbable and illogical it is, might bring a certain level of comfort. Films such as MCU ones know this very well and are used as a tool to steer the masses where the government wants them. That is why heroes need to fight aliens to protect the earth - Hollywood past 9/11 is nothing but a tool for pro-war propaganda, and when we look at the parallel of good heroes fighting bad aliens, we don't have to look anymore.

Now, I also want to mention comedic interjections in MCU movies. Watching a film is not unlike travelling by submarine. Where captains like Bergmann immediately drop into the depths of the Marinara trench and stay there for as long as possible, Marvel regularly resurfaces to keep people alert and ready for another part. The comedic break not only serves as a way to divide the story into more digestible chunks, but it is also an attempt to make heroes more human-like and overtakes the comedy market. I have already mentioned that 9/11 has steered Hollywood into propaganda and as such, the comedy genre took a blow. But then, in 2008, Marvel came and gave people something they can laugh about, and voila, people wanted to see more of the silly jokes.

To conclude, the popularity of the MCU stems from the disillusion a large number of people are going through in relation to the dystopian nightmare they live in. All they seek is a visually appealing epic with likeable characters that would allow them not to think about the real world for a moment.

2 - I'm going to post the prompt as a separate post :)

3 - oh thank you :D it wasn't the best idea to list this so I'm happy you left it out

4 - and I am more than happy to provide: being a sanded down shard of glass is not the end of my journey, it is merely a beginning. Where others see nothing but void I walk with a prism in my eye and birdsong in my heart.

5 - thank you so much for the flower, it's so beautiful!!! I love that it looks like a little star - and maybe it really is a star that fell from the night sky for you to find it. By the way, is that your hand in the background holding it upwards? That's so very sweet of you - you managed to position it right in the middle of the picture, so it looks very aesthetically pleasing - thank you so much 💛

I thought about what flower to give you, and picked out three:

this rose because you seem to like yellow flowers. Also, their scent is amazing and maybe the sweet fragrance would be nice and soothing to fall asleep to.

Another flower would be this beautiful peony - and as a fellow bee enthusiast, I thought you would like to see these two ladies grinding hard to get that pollen.

and the last flower I wanted to give you was these chives flowers, simply because they are a lovely shade of lilac and look like fluffy pop candy, but my cat had a different idea and didn't quite approve of me taking pictures in his garden :) so here's the little fiend instead.

thank you again for the birthday wishes - they made me very happy 🤗 and before posting, here are the encouraging words I promised: your sense of humour is amazing! I haven't stopped laughing about Nostramarkus ever since you posted about him - and what I wanted to emphasize is, even if it doesn't feel like it, you are making difference, even if it is only as simple as brightening up someone's day. So keep pushing forward, it's worth it!

#birthday prompt party

[swueesharts]

For Misery Loves Company

-A Picture I took this evening, after seeing some acquaintances I know take pictures of the same scenery. Guess my photo diary habits did influence others

Today, was a day that leaves no mark in my life. Well, it does. But not in a way that leaves me satisfied. I am utterly chagrined with myself. I tried to improve myself more and take a step closer to a better me; I planned to study art from P5R(Persona 5 Royal), I wanted to do some figure croques. I also wanted to organise the vocabulary that I accrued over the years to expand my repertoire. But alas, my media addiction took ahold of me. I wasted 5 hours of my life on Netflix. Although while impressive and relatable, binging blue period wasn't on my agenda.

It's funny how terrible you could feel from realising the damage you did to yourself. I currently feel like someone took a cutter knife, stabbed it deep into my heart, and left it there. Watching as it weighs down my heart, slicing it deeper, and deeper. While a gruesome allegory, I believe it best describes how I feel witnessing my unfolding misery. But you know what they say, "Misery loves Company". I ran a quick google search and absorbed the information that the phrase is used to explain how those who share similar pains would try to connect to each other. My misery also wanted company. I thought perhaps meeting new people might help, so I went around snooping for some online communities where they talked about formalities and etiquette. I desperately wanted to share my desires to reborn again. But my efforts were futile. A discord bot wasted me 3 hours of troubleshooting its captcha only to find the place unwelcoming of my prescence. The bot mocks me with its corporate flourish.

Taking a step back, perhaps it is expected to take a positive twist on this. Today is the last day before... the last day of school. So maybe it is supposed to be a day where I could wind down a bit and take things slow. Maybe I've been looking at my current social life in the wrong light. Perhaps instead of looking for new, I should instead keep in touch with my old connections and check up on them. I also now know Discord has an issue with the captcha feature on mobile phones.

To add further, perhaps I should look into support groups instead of finishing schools. I feel as though I am not "emotionally stable" enough to brush up on my social grace yet. Perhaps I should connect with those with life wisdom to help me form a better version of myself. I also should check on how my "brain" is doing after ignoring it, but that's another confession I'll cough up later once it allows me to.

Anyhow, sorry for this dull and gloomy blog entry. This post is a way for me to let off some steam in a composed manner. If any of you lizards and afros know how to tackle my situation, hit me up. I'd appreciate some solace and support. I know I'm not alone, and that is what's gonna push me forward.

ps. A side tangent if I might, but I do adore discovering animal foortprints on leftover snow. Makes you wonder what journey they were taking, and where it leads them. Exciting, don't you think?

#vent #emotio- (ah right, tags don't work this way in tumblr haha.)

#vent #emotional support needed' #misery loves company #solace #emotional support #tangent #gloomy #down the weather #I just want a happy life #is that too much to ask #hopeful #i am not alone

[misspearly1]

Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me, @scorpio-marionette & @boliv-jenta 💜

Which one of your fics would you enjoy the most if you were able to read it for the first time?

This easily has to be Fair Trade for me and that's because I wrote about my little girl in there, (my dog, Fizzy). There was moments I did cry typing things up about her, so this story in particular means a lot to me.

Which fic are you most proud of? Why?

Stumbling love. This was my first story every, (about Joel Miller). I like to look at that one and compare it to my newer pieces, to show myself how I have progressed since then.

Is their a work you would like to do over again? For any reason, to perfect it, to relive writing it, ect.

Ahhh, yes. Surprise Birthday Party for Frankie Morales. First story I wrote for the Pedro Fandom and all I can say about that is... I'm sorry.😅. Joking aside, the idea and concept is there, I just didn't execute it well when writing it up, so a do over would be nice I suppose.

How do you feel about comments/reblogs/likes?

These are amazing tools to help your favourite blogs keep providing content, so keep telling your favourites blogs what you're liking about their work.

For me, I love the feedback. Reading the feedback on my own work and other peoples work brings a huge smile to my face knowing that someone has enjoyed the story or a particular moment, especially with the way people express themselves with the feedback, the gifs make me giggle.

Is there a fic that you were shocked to find other people liked? Why?

Maybe Beloved Bloater. I love reading sex pollen fics and I wasn't too sure if my own readers would enjoy my first written sex pollen work. I was pleasantly surprised that they did enjoy it, which only enables me to write more 😉. Again - the feedback helps to let your fav blogs know what they're readers are enjoying.

Is there a fic you wish more people had liked?

Honestly, I am struggling to find a fic that I am disappointed with on the likes, so my answer would be no for this one.

Is there an idea that you were excited about but just didn't pan out?

Ahhahhaa... yes. 😅 Self doubt has caused me to change things in my fics once of twice in the past, but I do have a particular story concept about a bad boy Joel Miller beating some guy up for calling the reader a slut sitting in my google docs because I thought it may have been 'too much'. So, it just sits there collecting dust.

How do you feel when you post a new fic?

I do not know if I should be anxious but I am honestly not. I press that post button, close my laptop/phone and get back to my life. Making a coffee, watching tv or going to work and check my blog after some time has passed, then reply to my readers, find mistakes in my fic and fix them, etc.. I am not perfect and neither is my writing, so I won't allow myself to stress over it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I do and it's a pain in the ass haha. (Like right now, I'm on a hiatus because it was starting to become too much worrying).

NP Tags: @joelsrifle @something-tofightfor @supernaturalgirl20 @sturkillerbase @rcughroad @winchestershiresauce

If anyone would like to join, please do so. I have really enjoyed reading your responses to these questions 🥰💜

#tag games #These questions are really good #I have enjoyed reading other peoples responses as well as typing up my own

[lenievi]

Hi!

I've looked it up in the Help center and it can be that your settings are set to not receiving messages from blogs you are not subscribed to? Or maybe I am just actually shadowbanned, who knows.

What you say about the show makes me sad and happy at the same time. I definitely would love to see as much of Kirk-centerd content as possible, because a) he is hot and I mean not only by his looks b) he differs the most from his fanon version I think and I like him better in the show c) I suppose he is a perfectly typical character for the 60's and I've read that Spock's inner conflict and it's popularity among the viewers was unpredictable, but ironically 60 years later the spockian type of character is familiar to me, but I have never actually seen a character like Kirk (probably because it's super old-fashioned lol) so yeah, I'm exited :>

But I will miss the McKirk interactions as well. I think there are not enough of them now, I hoped there will be more and not fewer :( And that exactly because of their complicated friendship as you described it (btw, sorry, I haven't made myself clear: I didn't meen that you saw any sexual relationships in the show, I meant that I haven't thought about them at all). Sometimes I just want to watch them interact but sometimes I just... I know it's silly but I always get offended on McCoy's behalf so sometimes I think it would be cool when after Kirk apologizes McCoy wouldn't forgive him right away because I am still angry at Kirk. My heart breaks every time Bones backpedals to "sir/captain". If I could write I would once write a sweet revenge fic, but now I think it doesn't contradict mckirk (don't listen to me, I'm just rambling ^^")

But overall I just think that sexual drive simplifies things, you know? In a story at least, because we have like set frames of how a romantic/sexual relationship should feel like and play out, but we have much less rules abot describing a strong friendship. That gives room to a lot of nuances (in theory) but I personally would never write something this complicated and I doubt that many people would. So romantic love it is.

Ok, I have to stop myself now before I write you another ill-structured essay. But do you have any thoughts about het-relationships (in canon or fanon)? I would be interested to hear them :)

P.S.: I wouldn't like to appear a creep but I've seen your post about discord. My friend made me recently create an account there and I was wondering how I could use it. It appears that I can use it to ask you if you would like to watch TOS with me someday? I mean, for you it would be rewatching and possibly in the wrong order (apparently not in the production one), but, yeah, anyway. *makes an awkward courtesy and disappers*

No, anyone can send messages to me. I tried sending a message to you, but tumblr says you don't exist. Trying to mention you like @justyouwaitenryiggins also doesn't work… but yeah, like I said, feel free to send a discord friend request! And we can talk over there!

Yes, Kirk as a character is really great in the show when you actually allow yourself to see the show without the preconcieved notions from pop-culture/fanon (but I also understand why some people don't like him, and I think your "he's old-fashioned" figures into it. You might see posts by me where I'm like wtf Kirk; I've had and still have a very complicated relationships with Kirk). I also agree that nowadays a character like Kirk is hard to recreate, because of those old-fashioned ways - positive and negative, and any modern Kirk needs to be tweaked to fit modern times. (At least I've been thinking around these lines for a while, especially in regards to the newest iteration lol)

Oh, it's not as if they aren't there, they're just less. It's just that they can sometimes be overshadowed (hence why it's the least popular), but if you pay attention, it's there, always. There's still a lot of scenes and moments to look forward to! They really have such a nice relationship throughout the whole show, and in the tos movies as well!

"I always get offended on McCoy's behalf" hahaha I know there's a lot of people like that, especially if their fave character is McCoy, but for me, it's a part of their dynamic, and a reason why I like it. But I'm also just a fan of messed-up relationships in general…

I personally don't think that sex simplifies things, but I also personally prefer to write stories that aren't traditional romantic/sexual relationships… which is why I like spones because I hc Spock on the aroace spectrum (and when I write McCoy with Spock, he's also somewhere on the spectrum), so it allows me to explore different aspects of "romance" that doesn't necessarily need to be traditional or follow a certain formula. With mckirk, it's different though... I'd actually love to write just platonic spones or mckirk but…. sometimes the characters want to kiss (or more). It's not my fault lol

I don't mind essays LOL I'm also better at rambling when I get a concrete topic, but if you search T'Pring on my blog, you'll probably find some posts on how I love Spock/T'Pring (but there might be also some Strange New Worlds spoilers) I'm also a fan of Kirk/Rand (Kirk's strong interest in Rand was basically the reason why I started to ship spones when I watched TOS for the first time, despite coming into TOS with aos!mckirk bias) - you could see me putting it into the Conscience of the King coda too. And I like several of Kirk's relationships with women in the show. If you're interested in something specific, just ask!

LOL I rewatch random TOS episodes all the time. I do think about the "continuity" in the production order, but I watch randomly now. There are some episodes I don't want to rewatch because I either find them boring or for other reasons, though.

#replies

[yummy-little-stories]

My grandpa is dying.

The reality had not exactly settled in until this very moment. I didn't know the man very well, but I did know he was funny, well-spoken, an author, and rather revolutionary, at least for the time he was brought up. I've never read one of his books. I feel a bit guilty about that now. He'll never know what I thought of them. Unless, of course, there is some sort of higher place a conciousness moves to once the body has failed. Then I hope there is some way for me to reach someone there. Like a heaven call center. Maybe that's what religious people are doing when they pray. Calling heaven's tech support line.

Anyway, my grandpa is dying. I haven't ever truly confronted death before. Like, I know it happens. I'm aware. I've had people and animals die in my life before. In fact, just last year, my brother-in-law died. I didn't know him well. When he lived with us, he was like a shadow of his former self, from what I knew of him before. He had liver problems and struggled to eat while he was here. Skinny, like a skeleton.

I suppose my grandpa looks a bit more like a ghost, or a zombie. Some kind of ghoul. That might be rude to say, but it's true. The man passed long ago, and he lives just far enough away that in some ways he was a ghost to me already.

Sometimes, I tell myself I havent really lost anyone. Not anyone I have been close enough to, I think. I suppose that pattern will continue. I suppose that's probably why I am so deathly afraid of the whole affair. The whole perishing thing, I mean. I was going to say "deathly afraid of dying," but that felt like a bit much, don't you think?

Part of me wants to read over this post, analyze it, maybe revise it. Part of me worries I won't post it if I do. Or maybe that I might dare to feel something about the things I wrote about. Or maybe that the whole thing might be a bit too edgy to post. But I'm just going to post it, I think. No revisions, just a pure stream of thought. Maybe that's what this whole blog is going to be.

Anyway, my grandpa is dying. The nurses say he might not last through the night. We don't live anywhere nearby, so I'm probably going to have to go on a road trip. I do like road trips. And it will be nice to see family. But my grandpa is dying. And I'm afraid I, yet again, won't allow myself to greive.

One day all of these deaths, losses, and mistakes will all come out.

I haven't cried, really cried, since the night I read Oathbringer. There were some extenuating circumstances, I must admit. Another all-day binge, missing classes, disappointing my girlfriend yet again. But I did cry a lot that day. Most of them emergency-therapy-session tears. Then, later, when I read to calm my nerves, I got to the scene where Dalinar finishes the words in Oathbringer. And I cried happy tears. Maybe I exhausted all the tears then.

Anyway, my grandpa is dying. My new year's resolution is to let myself cry about it. Oh, and to write more. I guess that's what this blog is for.

#death #sad #prose #thoughts #grandpa #emotions #grief #loss

[kyonoc]

This might come in handy if I disappear in the near future

needy streamer overload. Tw; self harm

Val barely checks what I post anyway. Two other people who follow this blog probably have gotten sick of my excessive shitpost already. This shouldn't be appearing on the search, right?

No one shouldn't be reading this, except for me, so I suppose this is fine to share here.

Sometimes I wish to cut myself. So badly

But i cant

Because others will be more disappointed about it than me myself can manage to.

Because I'll make my mom sad. I put up the good girl, the carefree, happy child act for so long. It will be despairing for he once she finds out she has failed as a mother. That her child is so wrong in many aspects like this.

I think my mom can sense it, tho. She have always had a very good intuition. Or is my mask finally falling apart?

Because my friend will be taken aback by it. I never appeared to be unstable on the outside. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I vented to them. Even on this oh so called "venting blog" I created, I refrain my self from dumping my depressive thoughts here. I only ever share about my anxiety issues. Because.. Because if they realize that I am no better then them, surely they will be more cautious and I can't help them anymore?

Because I need to be the emotionally available friend. I'm suppose to be the therapist friend, the mom friend, not the other way around. Because I need to live up to my labels, because if not then.. If not then I'm just a blank, boring human. I don't have anything special about me, I don't have anything to my name. I'm good, but not good enough to make me stand out from the others. Not good enough to me make unique or remarkable. I'm good, but there are just so, so, so many people more talented and more successful than me. I'm supposed to be good, but I don't act like it.

Because I haven't harm myself in years, even if I desperately wanted to. Because everyone has fallen under the illusion that I'm fine. Because I'm supposed to be good. Thats why I can't, I'm not allowed to relieve myself through such ugly and despicable manners.

But least the pain will feel way better than the dread after each high and down. My emotions doesn't last long. Not the euphoria and mania, nor the depressive episodes and breakdown. I'm never one able to experience these to their fullest. The emotions will always be passing by so quicky, so hastily; be it sadness, grieving, happiness, or annoyance, hatred. And all their left behind is a never ending void of emptiness and dreadfulness. I'm writing these lines as Im feeling absolutely anything but blank.

And I hate thay feelings so much. I despite it. I want nothing more than for it to end.

KK.

I think few will make it to here. But, ah, anyway..

I dont think that Y user will ever read this. Mhm, seems like they've got a lot on their newfeed, considering the amount of post they have reblogged. So my post shouldn't be that noticeable. There are chances that they did came across one of my shitposts (considering I post these daily..), but just didn't interact at all. Either way, I hope my previous excessive amount of ramble is enough to steer them away from this one.

For V.. It seems like you do occasionally see my post. I didn't really get enough chances to test my theories, nor did I collected enough data to make a judgment. But whether is it you decided to interact with specific posts, or you only read those of mine that doesn't contain a readmore; I was kinda hoping you didn't make it to here. But this mean you did regardless.. It's okay. I'm fine. I'll bounce back, I always do. You should prioritize yourself first, cookie

Mhm, Val, if you see this, we both know what to do. You needn't to say anything, I'll be fine as time moves on anyway. We both are well aware of that by now, aren't we?

Post script KK-tan 2.0 here. I figured I should leave some kind of note behind as well, because it seems like my suicide plan may happen a lot sooner than I intended to.

Mhm, I'm not feeling like bringing my whole diary over here, but in short: I loath myself, and it's not because of hardships in life or anything, it's because I find myself to be imperfect. I strike for perfection, and my "incomplete" and flaw-filled self made me hate it so much. Enough to make me wish to erase my existence. The memories everyone have of me, my impacts and traces on this world, my proof of living. Aka, essentially asking to rewrite this world's history and alter everything, every event that have me in the picture.

But that is one unrealistic and impossible goal. So I'll do something more practical, more achievable: Delete my traces myself. My social medias even my clones, my birth certificate, my ID cards, my personal belongings, I'll cut ties and relationships with everyone I know, everything. But since this blog is owned by not only me, but also Val, it'll be selfish to delete it on my own. So this blog will stay unharmed, and so does this post. Surely Val will come here to seek an explanation, or nostalgia or whatever, and this post will act its part.

V-v-, it's not your fault that I disappear. Unsure if you consider me close enough to shred a tear.. but if anything, I don't want to be remembered. And specially not with regret and remorse. Move on, surely there will be someone who can encourage and support you as your #1 fan just fine. Don't think such like "If I paid more attention.." or some, I don't like it

G.. I feel like I need to inform you about this blog, in case I failed to go to the other side and reappear as a ghost to see you. But ah, I don't know if I can do that. Even if its high chance you won't read this, I hope that you'll be happier, that you'll start to love yourself more and more. I couldn't do anything for you, your battle was only yours, so I think you should be fine.

Val, I know, it feel like you are more likely to commit suisui first, yet I'm the one to go.

There's an saying that, "If [A] dies first, then [B] will live for them. But if [B] dies, [A] will follow them". I was hoping you could be the B, buddy, and I'll act as A. Don't follow me dude, I won't be lonely over here, remember? If the worst scenario happen, I want you to live my part, experience the world on my behalf. Pursuit our dreams and fantasies. All that. I'm aware that you have gotten emotionally attached to me, and I'm sorry that I let that happened. I should have been more careful, considering I'm well aware im this unstable. But ah, I still hope that you make it.

Mhm, this is very rushed, since it's more of a precaution before I forget than I'm actually intending to self yeet. Still, I hope this will do me justice if I really did the self yeet on an impulse.

[unovan-artist]

Introductory Post

Hello and greetings, my name is Indigo, I'm a traveling artist. I grew up on the outskirts of Driftveil City in Unova. I am not a competitive battler, and haven't done any gym challenges due to my own health issues. I do however, have five Pokemon of my own. My service Pokemon, Sweet Potato, Espeon ♂ My partner, Thin Mint, Umbreon ♀ Red Velvet, Shiny Chandelure ♀ Snickerdoodle, Mimikyu ♂ Angelsfood, Kirlia ♀

Some information on myself as well, I suppose. I use he/they pronouns and identify as demisexual. I am trans. I'm 22, my birthday is the 13th of November. I find myself most drawn to Dark, Ghost, Psychic, and Fairy types, so I suppose those are my type specialties.

I draw mainly in colored pencil or regular pencil, and I tend to draw Pokemon and their interactions with each other or with their trainers outside of battle.

Currently Wandering: Galar Pelipper Mail+Unmail+Malice: On Musharna Mail+Malice: On Magic Anons: Off Sentient/Sapient Pokemon: Allowed Legendary/Mythical Pokemon: Allowed (OOC Info Under the Cut)

Hello, I'm the man behind the blog! You can call me Azure, my main blog (the one I follow and like from) is @/anxiousazure and I am very new to the pokemon irl community! I've been lurking for a few months and wanted to try my hand at it. I am a university student and likely won't be able to respond immediately a lot of the time, please be patient with me! That said, I am an adult, (I share a birthday with the OC of this blog) so if you're uncomfortable with that please leave now. Both myself and my OC Indigo are trans, so if you're upset about that, feel free to leave immediately! I also use neopronouns myself, so... Once again, if you don't like it, please leave now! Don't send anything NSFW, I the man behind the blog am very asexual and Do Not want to deal with it. Jokes, teasing, flirting - that's all fine, just... Again, my asexual self does not want to deal with anything too sexual. Also! Any art you see from Indigo, I've actually drawn myself, so... Yeah, I guess. Just a little fun fact. Also I am willing to draw for others, just... Again, gentle reminder that I am in college and can be quite busy. A little information about the OC! As mentioned, Indigo grew up on the outskirts of Driftveil City with rather overprotective parents. General TW for discussions of Indigo's past - manipulation, parental issues, ableism, mentions of transphobia, and mentions of dissociation. Anything about Indigo's past will be labeled with the tag "The Artist's Origin" and labeled with appropriate trigger/content warnings. Indigo's parents essentially felt he was too frail to protect himself given health issues he has (more info on that either in rp or via dms - i'd like to keep a few surprises here) and kept him super isolated because of it. It only got worse when he showed an aptitude with ghost type Pokemon. Eventually Indigo ran away and became the traveling artist we now know. However, due to that sheltering and his own travels, he's pretty out of the loop on any major events that occurred - add in the multiversal nature of Rotomblr/Rotumblr, well... Poor bestie is going to be real confused. Please feel free to take advantage of this.

#pkmn irl #pkmn rp #rotumblr #introductory post #blog info

[naomidev]

Idle Bartending Introduction

I'm going to dedicate this blog to posting progress, updates and my thought process on "Idle Bartending", a game I'm making. It's basically just VA-11 HALL-A meets NGU idle. I was very surprised that this was not a thing yet, and I'm confident this a niche people are looking for even if they don't know they want it. Especially considering that idle games aren't known for being very visually appealing, and many lacking CHARM, I think that if I could create a game that clearly has a lot of heart and love put into it, people will see that and support it.

To start off, I should introduce who I am and what I've done before. My name is Naomi Chungus, and I have not created a game before. At most, I've just created sprites for projects that I never worked too hard on. However, I am confident that what I have in store will be the first step in a longer process of learning and mastering a craft; in this case, pixel art and game design. This is also going to be an exercise in putting aspects of myself that I think are appealing into a game, because I know that games are a medium that people can be very influenced and inspired by. I hope to instill that sense of wonder in someone else one day.

Idle Bartending is an incremental/idle game (it's both, I'm not using those terms interchangeably) set in a bar where you mix drinks for characters, manage resources, make money, and spend that money to make more money. A key focus is that this game MUST have copious amounts of comfort associated with it. Above all else, it must be charming and visible that love has been put into it. I would consider that harder than actually coming up with gameplay mechanics itself. This game will be free, but I will allow for microtransactions (EXTREMELY OPTIONAL) because it would be nice to be compensated for my work. I want this game to come out on steam first, then app stores later if we can manage that. Fingers crossed!!!

I came up with this idea because I looked up "idle bartending" online and couldn't find anything that wasn't a tycoon. Then I remembered, "Hey, VA-11 HALL-A drinks were really fun to make but you don't make them very often, maybe once every 5-10 minutes or so." And since I'm an idle game addict, I realized that this would be a good system to make for an idle game, but reiterated on of course.

I want progression to not be linear, but also to be very clear what you're supposed to do next. The biggest things I hate about idle games is that sometimes you just don't know what you're supposed to be doing next. NGU Idle is especially bad with this, that game practically needs a guide unless you're smarter than me, which is very possible. But I know that this is a huge pain point for other players as well, so I want to avoid this as much as possible.

I will probably update this blog more soon, I just wanted an introductory post for historical purposes.

Here's a sneak peek at one of the regulars you will come to know, Gin:

#aseprite #pixel art #idle games