Hey does tumblr have an Official Plant because if not I have a submission to make, a very strong contender for this site!
May I present to you the genus: Amorphophallus.
Yes, Amorpho-phallus, literally Greek for the 'shapeless penis' plant.
It's the tallest flower in the world! The magnificent Shapeless Penis, dwarfing grown-ass adults with a flower that grows up to 8.2 feet, is a sight to behold.
It's also called the corpse flower, or corpse bride flower, because this beauty has "a strong odour of rotting human flesh". We love that here on tumblr.
Edit: Just found out that it is also known as the Devil's Tongue and Voodoo Lily or Voodoo Plant. So. Do with that what you will.
The root of some of these Amorphophallic beauties is edible (I've seen them lurking creepily at grocery stores, the grocer usually grabs an axe and slams it into the root to split it and sell a part). This root is known as the elephant foot yam, which is fitting, because it is large, malformed, and disturbingly hairy.
Idk a plant named shapeless penis that has an eight foot flower that smells like rotting human flesh and a hairy edible root that can grow heavier than a toddler seems very on brand for tumblr.
Here you go:
@queermarzipan thank you for inspiring this by teaching me about bell peppers.
I don't think I've won any but fortunately my favorite horrible food website has a review!
Also they are diabolical:
Out of the bag, French's Mustard Skittles have a faint mustard-y aroma. They look more or less like Lemon Skittles, which means, if you're feeling mischievous, you can sneak these into a bag of regular Skittles for someone to discover later.
The review is brief, so if you don't want to click the link the upshot is:
They have the same elements as regular Skittles, including the chewy center, crispy shell, and sweet and tart fruity base. However, overlaying that base is the uncanny taste of mustard--horseradish-like and tangy with a spicy mustard kick that takes a moment to hit you. It's weirdly impressive and puzzling combination.
Finally getting around to posting my thoughts on the new Minnesota State Fair foods
2023: The Year The Pickles Went Too Far
There’s already a lot of pickles going on (deep fried pickle chips, my beloved), but honestly part of the state fair experience is taking a flavor and beating it into the ground. This year pickle was the primary target. (disclaimer: I only like pickles a little, so maybe these sound amazing to someone who loves pickles. if that’s the case... come to the fair next month and try some!)
under
The worst offenders:
(the Miami Mango might not even be terrible, but I’m imagine an unpleasantly-warm pickle on a hot day and then its also the wrong kinda sweet)
everything else here can fuck right off
The pickles I ain’t mad about and might actually try:
the Perfect Pickle chips are good, no reason to think pickle fries wouldnt be. And the cheese curd tacos are decent, but could stand the extra flavor
And other items, either appetizing or monstrous (maybe both?):
First some stuff I actually want to try:
(as a cotton candy connoisseur, I am just here for the unique flavors, esp that blackberry jam flavor)
Umm, maybe??:
these both sound good but no way would i want more than three bites of either, so i probably wont try them unless i am with someone who wants to share.
Things that make you go “hmm”:
so unnecessary. how many flavors do you need in one donut?
the real reason rural midwestern white folks don’t season their food is because they blow out their tastebuds every summer
hmm…
you’re telling me the cereal is an essential element of this dish and not just there for a cheeky bit of aesthetic?
(I wonder if next year is going to be the Year of Cereal, its creeping into more and more things)
I am one of those people that will never admit to themself or anyone that they have a crush but y’all even I couldn’t deny it after I was talking with them and found out that they are tempted to eat crickets off the sidewalk because “then they wouldn’t be loud anymore” and instead of that being an ick I thought it was cute?? like hello?? shouldn’t I be absolutely repulsed?? no I guess we find that endearing yes we do oh dear please someone help me