I tend to shy away from posting ish like this but it seems so applicable. If one of you sees this and is able to break the cycle before the misery, self loathing and self doubt kick in... than I've been able to do some good in this world. Be the light you want to see in the world and don't let ANYONE OR ANYTHING extinguish that.
Love life, live happy.
- DT
What are the symptoms of narcissistic abuse?
Well here are a few:
You are being covertly manipulated.
Since it is covert you are not meant to notice that you are being made to do something you otherwise would not have against your own self-interests. Since you are in this pickle that means you were not familiar with the tactics and how to identify and resist them. Therefore the easiest way to tell is to ask yourself some of these questions.
Your mood depends entirely on the state of the relationship, and you are experiencing extreme highs and lows.
Your joy at finding love has turned into the fear of losing it. Your feelings have moved from happiness and euphoria to anxiety, sadness, and depression.
You're unhappy in the relationship and uncertain about it much of the time, yet you dread losing it because of you're blissfully happy with it every now and then
You feel like you're responsible for ruining the best thing that ever happened to you, but you're not sure how
Your relationship feels very complex, although you don't know why. When talking to others about it, you might find yourself saying, “It’s hard to explain. It is really complicated”
You continually obsess about the relationship, analyzing every detail repeatedly in a desperate attempt to “figure it out”. You talk about all the time to anyone that will listen. It doesn’t do any good.
You never feel sure of where you stand with your partner, which leaves you in a perpetual state of uncertainty and anxiety
You frequently ask your partner if something is wrong. It feels as if something is wrong but you don’t know what it is
You are frequently on the defensive. You feel misunderstood and have the need to explain and defend yourself.
You seem to have developed a problem with trust, jealousy, insecurity, and overreaction during this relationship which your partner has pointed out to you on many occasions.
You feel ongoing anger or resentment for someone
You have become a detective. You scour the web and social media for information about your partner. You feel a need to check their web history, texts or emails. When they are not home you feel the need to verify their whereabouts.
You feel you don’t truly know how to make your partner happy. You try hard but nothing seems to work, at least not for long. You used to make them very happy and you are not sure what has changed.
Expressing negative thoughts and emotions feels restricted or even forbidden, so you try to keep all those things to yourself. You feel frustrated about not being able to talk about the things that are bothering you.
You don't feel good about yourself like you did before the relationship. You feel less confident, less secure, less intelligent, less sane, less trusting, less attractive or in some way “less than” you were before.
You always feel you are falling short of your partner's expectations. You feel inadequate.
You often feel guilty and find yourself apologizing a lot. You continually try to repair the damage you believe you have caused. You blame yourself for your partner pulling away from you. You can’t understand why you keep sabotaging the relationship.
You carefully control your words, actions, and emotions around your partner to keep them from withdrawing their affection again
At times you erupt like an emotional volcano filled with anger, frustration, and even hostility. You have never acted this way before and vow it will stop, but no matter how hard you try, it keeps happening.
You do things you are not really comfortable with or that go against your morals, values, limits or boundaries to make your partner happy and keep the relationship intact.
You feel your partner needs to dominate the relationship
You feel your partner does not understand your needs in the relationship.
You find yourself trying to explain basic human emotions and concepts to and adult. You feel the need to make them understand.
You feel your giving nature is being exploited or that you are being taken advantage of
You feel taken for granted
You feel you need them far more than they need you
You feel trapped with no clear way out.
You find yourself checking with your partner and unable to trust yourself or your judgment when making decisions.
You feel they have more control over your emotions and feelings than you do
You feel something bad will happen if you don’t do what they want
No matter how much you do for them they make you feel like you haven’t done enough.
They intimidate you with their mood or anger.
You feel you can’t do anything to change them
Even when you do please them it doesn’t last long
You feel you are working way harder at the relationship than they are.
Other Common symptoms and things to look for:
You find yourself isolated from friends and family and support to appease or please them.
You find yourself more and more emotionally dependent on them for validation.
You seem to be expected to do all the chores and housework/cooking
They want to be served
They are hypocrites
They won’t apologize or accept accountability. For those variants that can, it is very infrequent and you have a hard time accepting it because it does not feel sincere (because it isn’t).
Their actions don’t match their words
The same problems come up over and over. It goes in circles. Nothing is ever resolved or forgiven
They act differently around others than with you. Like two different people.
They treat you like a child.
At the beginning of the relationship you were never apart, and you felt they were your “soul mate”
You are constantly drained and exhausted
Trauma Bonded
You find yourself putting up with things you never would have in any other relationship but cannot detach or leave and so find yourself unable to hold your boundaries so they stampede over them and chip away at them.
In other words, you are addicted and trauma bonded. You can answer yes to the questions I went over in this answer:
William Gorder's answer to How can you tell if you are trauma bonded to your Narcissist?
PTSD/CPTSD
You are suffering for the symptoms PTSD or CPTSD that I covered in this answer:
William Gorder's answer to What are the symptoms of PTSD when healing from narcissistic abuse?
You feel an “Intense” love or chemistry with them, that keeps you from leaving.
You have confused love/intimacy with addiction/intensity/abuse.
Check this answer here:
William Gorder's answer to How can you tell the difference between a traumatic bond and being in love with a narcissist?
You find yourself implementing defense mechanisms like:
Cognitive Dissonance:
Through your unconscious mind, you justify doing things you otherwise would have considered wrong, make something seem more or less important than it really is, create new reasons for doing something that goes against better judgment and denies, ignores or avoids information that conflicts with already accepted beliefs. This is a defense mechanism for handling trauma to cope with restoring some semblance of equilibrium to your life.
Magical Thinking and Pollyannaism
Despite rationale or evidence to the contrary, your naive childlike mind wishes to have a happy ending so you find yourself thinking things like:
There must be some good in them, nobody is all bad
They cannot possibly be that manipulative
They are just a product of their upbringing
They can change
If I love them better it will get better
They don’t want to hurt me, they just need help
They didn’t mean it
Things will get better
You show symptoms of NVS (Narcissistic Victim Syndrome). Some of these may not manifest as noticeably until discard.
William Gorder's answer to How do CPTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome differ? Also, how do their treatment options differ?
I think this answer has gotten long enough. Thanks for the A2A
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Top 10 Internet Addiction Tips
Well, here are some recommendations for preventing internet addiction:
1. Have clear goals: Decide what you want to get out of using the internet and make clear goals for yourself. You can stay focused and avoid mindless browsing by doing this.
2. Set a timer: When you are using the internet, set a timer. When it goes off, take a break and do something else. You'll be able to better organise your time and use the internet less frequently as a result.
3. Establish a schedule: Designate particular periods of the day for internet use and follow it. This will assist you in establishing a regimen and lessen the possibility of excessive use.
5. Maintain a log: Record your internet usage and record your mood before and after. You'll be able to see trends and triggers as well as create healthy habits as a result.
6. Exercise self-care: Make sure you are taking care of your mental and physical health. Get a healthy diet, get enough sleep, and engage in fun hobbies.
7. Restrict access: Take internet-capable devices out of your bedroom and other common spaces. This will make it easier for you to resist the urge to use the internet excessively.
8. Locate substitute activities: Choose other things you like to do and schedule time for them. You'll be able to break old habits and use the internet less as a result.
Use apps: Use apps that help you manage your internet use, such as timers, blocking tools, and activity trackers.
9. Get assistance: Discuss your internet use with friends, family, or a mental health professional. When you attempt to overcome your addiction, they can offer support and direction.
10. Take a break: If only for a day or two, think about taking a complete break from the internet. You can reset as a result and create better habits going forward.
Talk to Angel is an online platform that helps individuals struggling with addiction. It provides a safe and secure environment for people to talk about their struggles and receive support from professionals. The platform offers a range of services, including one-on-one counseling sessions, group therapy, and relapse prevention programs. Talk to Angel also provides resources such as articles, blogs, and videos that help individuals understand the root causes of their addiction and how they can cope with it. In addition, the platform also connects users with support groups in their local area so they can find help close to home. With its comprehensive services and resources, Talk to Angel is a valuable tool for anyone seeking help for addiction.
https://www.talktoangel.com/area-of-expertise/addiction
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