#we're SO selfish but at a certain point we're gonna have to start having conversations about greater good and all that

[ten-of-imps]

Ten rants about someone they've met who were so authentic they forgot they live on earth and has to be considerate about others

While leaving a conversation when it stops being enjoyable and comfortable is an admirable trait to have, and one I need need to add to my skills and habits, being so focused on yourself, on the other hand, is not. It's time to stop thinking you're the shit, telling fcking heavy stuff to someone you barely know, sitting in your distant Moon thinking how authentic you are, how you know who you are and what you like (not even gonna mention how you dont even bother asking the other person) and that's what the other person has to know about you, pretending that you did so much self growth people just left you because they couldn't handle the new you. No darling, they left because you became more annoying than before. No darling, you're not authentic, you're selfish and you are in this conversation for yourself, so someone else would bring more pleasure in your life. I think you want to catch someone who would somehow care about you the same amount you do, without you having to do any work. That's not how it works

The way people use authentic as a means to let the world spin around themselves is fascinating. I haven't yet seen it taken that far, although I've seen people do it with other concepts. And I am so angry because there's so much I want to say to them, and tell them how fcking nasty it is what they're doing. But from their reaction to me saying how I feel around a certain topic I see they don't care and don't really see nuance that much, or care about taking time to see someone else's perspective. So there's no point. And I'm angry, because it was me who had to run first after that first day. I had to leave first. And I didn't. Why is it that I will try to listen to other people, but I ignore my own voice?

I really didn't think it will end this meh for me, and I thought I will entertain this and see where in the actual hell this will end. And we're deep guys, or maybe im naive and we were just past the first gates. I knew we were deep when life advice started. '' No no no i see people as good and just tired maybe, you should too, this helped me''. Wait did I asked you? Did I started a debate where I saw you taking my points seriously so you expect me to do the same? No? Thought so.

Authenticity means shit if you don't know how to listen to others and always think they are the problem and you're oh so deep and emotionally mature (the irony in this sentence). Ohmygod im so frustrated right now I'm going to explode!

Fucking trust your gut, and if its telling you this won't take long to start shiting knives, it's not worth it.

Believe in yourself and leave the damn alone. Leave the conversation, especially if they say so many already left. THERE WERE REASONS AND THEY ARE NOT SEEING IT!!! Which means they have no self doubt. They think they are right about everything, which is just crazy. They might be fine, but if you sense something's off, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

#Ten rants #I'm so angry #I have abandonment and rejection issues so this hit hard #Uhhhrrr im frustrated #But it's better to express this in safe space than try to make some sence with them #When you're authentic but forget you live around other people and have responsibility to care about them #I really wish I felt like a better person than them but I can't just put them down so much #But I think they did think they were better than everyone else with how they gave advice left and right #Like they knew better and no one else in the world was a thinking life experiencing being #Oh I'm so mad #I'll need a few days for this to calm down in me

[guidingsbolt]

MAN lorelei has majorly fucked up so many times in her life

#she just keeps DOING it #my rolls are really supporting the narrative that lorelei is bad at sending people through and it makes sense that #something happened with naia comma #and instead of running away she's just gonna have to own up to fucking up again! #and figure it out from here #this is GOOD this is GROWTH #she's making friends again and has naia again and there's so many people she has to care for #i think later in the campaign she'll be in a place where she feels secure enough to go back to shadowfell #and deal with some of the problems there #because oh boy are there problems! #and i'm WORRIED about avina dealing with the fallout 😔 #and the vampire problem coming back 😔 #i REALLY loved how much the party was willing to say fuck it about shadowfell but we sure are running into another political disaster #we're SO selfish but at a certain point we're gonna have to start having conversations about greater good and all that #which i think will be really fun and interesting #and even now lorelei is willing to put off her hag problem to help her friends #she's TRYING #she owes them but also she cares about them #i hope naia gets to retire soon. she deserves it #and once lorelei's done she's never gonna leave again #GOD i hope we're in the sun court #g: fame

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I feel like you're the right person I can talk to you about so... A few days ago I got into a discussion turned into a heated argument with my friend about how it's important that we show sympathy with other people.This whole conversation started because our mutual friend did something that was really hurtful to our other friend and I made a comment that I realize how shitty that behavior is but I also sympathize with her and I fell so sad that she's so sad and suffering so much that she's hurting other people like this. And I said that if you look at it that way next time she does this it's gonna hurt less because you understand that she's also suffering and hurting herself. And you can make peace with it more easily.

My friend said if you're just saying you sympathize with her and not call her out on her wrong behavior then you're just selfish and thinking about your peace and not other people's. I made a comment and I quote "if we can't show sympathy for people who haven't had the same lived experience as us, our society can become a very dangerous place".

I personally believe in that statement. Often times when people see someone makes mistakes or do or say some thing stupid and hurtful or showcase a pattern of behavior that's not very healthy they say "well they chose to do this" or "it's their decision, they have to suffer the consequences". It makes me really wonder. I mean of course at the end of the day we are humans with brains and moral compass and we have the tools to learn what's good and what's bad. But I think we are all product of both generational and individual traumas. I think the traumatic experiences that we've had shape our perspective of the world tremendously. And I think that's where sympathy should come in. And I think we don't necessarily need to take sides or agree with certain things or not hold people accountable for their actions but I think having sympathy can help us understand each other better.

I explained all of this to my friend and she responded that "oh it's all pure bullshit. It's just a fantasy you can't expect everyone in a society to show sympathy all the time."

And I responded that it's not a fantasy. Look at all the social movements that have happened around the world. If we as society weren't capable of showing sympathy towards people with different lived experiences then how the hell these changes happen?

And at one point she said then what about a rapist? Will you be able to show sympathy towards a rapist and say I understand why he did this horrible action?

And honestly I was shocked and I didn't know how to answer that. Cause in my mind it was obvious that an action that's so violent and brutal and just so so so damaging to another person wasn't the point of the argument. I thought the boundaries were clear and we were just talking about human interactions on surface level. I didn't know we were gonna go there.

And I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm confused. Like where do you draw the line? Like where do you say I can show sympathy and where can you be like oh that person can go to hell?

And obviously everyone has their own biases and prejudice. But I can't stop thinking about it.

And I think my friend took everything so personally and felt like I was attacking her and calling her cold hearted and honestly I wasn't. I was just explaining my thoughts.

It really hurt me the way we spoke to each other. We're seemingly fine no3byt I felt like I was gaslit the whole time. She constantly put words in my mouth. Called me names and then turned around and said I was attacking her cause she's more extroverted and shows her emotions and shares her thoughts more which??? Wasn't the point at all.

Sorry I just rambled in your inbox. English isn't my first language . It's been really hard hearing these things from your friend.

Sorry this took me a while to get to anon - I think you raise some really interesting questions.

I agree that it can be useful and important to acknowledge that a lot of people's actions can come from pain. But I think the first thing to do about that realisation is to understand that it's not transferable.

That understanding, which says 'oh I see that this thing that you did comes from a place of pain' is only meaningful if it's optional and freely given. You can decide for yourself to see your friend's actions in that way, but as soon as you start advocating sympathy for others, your changing it's meaning'. Like kindness (I've talked a bit about this) the sort of sympathy that you're talking about is only meaningful if it's important.

Talking to someone who has been hurt (if I understand your story correctly) and telling them how to understand and see the person who hurt them - is neither generous nor sympathetic. The point about being freely given is even more true for people who have been hurt (For the record, I also don't think it's true that bad behaviour will hurt less if it understands where someone is coming from. We're all more complicated and have more depth of feelings than that sort of simple solution would allow). I'm not surprised your friend reacted as they did - defensive and angry. Telling friends how they should respond to being hurt is neither sympathetic nor generous.

You ask where to draw the line - and that's the point, that people get to decide for themselves what matters, where to be generous and where not to extend generosity. Generosity and sympathy are only meaningful from one person - if another person can say fuck off. Otherwise it's not generosity or sympathy - but social pressure limiting acceptable feelings and expression of feelings.

I think it's great that you're thinking about this, but I think the next step is to think a little more about boundaries. You are not your friend, your feelings are not your friend's feelings.

One of the things that interested me about this ask is that you don't specify what the friend did - you just describe something as hurtful, but you seem to see it as wrong. Not everything that is hurtful is wrong. Someone can say something hurtful and it also be true, or reasonable. It doesn't really matter what the action that sparked all that. But the way you wrote about it made me think that saying things that hurt other people is wrong - and I think that suggests a lack of boundaries.

Then at the end you use the term 'gaslighting' to refer to an argument where you didn't feel understood. In general, I'm against almost every use of the term gaslighting that doesn't include an actual gas lamp. But I also think to use it in a situation where you've already tried to tell someone how to feel about someone who hurt them, is particularly messy.

I think it's really cool that you're thinking about these things anon and it's very normal to struggle to figure out boundaries. I do recommend thinking a little less in terms of universal truths, and a little more in terms of what people get to decide for themselves.

#Sorry if I've got any of the details wrong #I would always recommend reading Captain Awkward #for a better sense of boundaries

[diiambee]

Not The Rival I Expected..

Yooseven highschool au uwu

•••

M A R C H 1 S T

A chorus of murmurs erupt from among Yoosung's classmates. Hushed voices carried everywhere.

"THE Luciel Choi?"

"Seajoons Choi's Son?"

"Him?"

Yoosung couldn't blame them. Luciel Choi was their prime minister's only son. Not to mention he did look...cute...

'God, snap out of it Yoosung!'

The boy in front wasn't exactly short, but his uniform made him look small thanks to how big it looked on him. He had hazel eyes and red hair, like cherries. His glasses sat, balanced, on the bridge of his nose.

The boy in front flashed them a smile, sheepishly waving at them.

"This is Luciel Choi, known as the son of our dear prime minister. Although this does not mean he gets any special treatment, treat him with respect, but also like a fellow student"

The teacher gestures Luciel to return to his seat. This happens to be just across our blonde's chair.

The teacher starts the day. With introducing what to expect, their subjects, and their class schedules.

By that time it was lunch, Yoosung was one of the very last to flee the classroom. It was only him, a group of girls, and the new student in the class. Mc was outside the classroom waiting for him.

As he gathered his stuff, he couldn't help but steal a few glances towards Luciel. The boy appeared to be taking his time in rearranging his stuff, which all looked neat and tidy, despite his stuff being the same as the other. You could really tell he took good care of his stuff.

Yoosung stood up and made his way towards the door, unconsciously letting his gaze wonder on to the red head before said boy finally disappears from his feild of vision.

He sees Mc leaning against a wall, a bored expression gracing itself on her face. Mc had a slim figure; brown hair that ended to her waist, and bangs that could easily block her eyes. Her uniform was almost the same as Yoosung's, except she had a skirt that was below her knee, and knee-high socks. She had a shoulder bag.

Her eyes found Yoosung. The female straightens her back and smiles at her best friend.

"Yoosung~"

Uh oh, that tone was never good coming out of someone like Mc.

"Mc?"

The girl's smile widens, excitement obviously being bottled up for the sake of their conversation. Yoosung sighs.

"No-"

"Oh come on! You were checking him out!"

"All of us were Mc! Give him a break, he just got here after all..."

"Whatever Mr. In-Denial~~"

Yoosung rolls his eyes, making his way towards the cafeteria, Mc trotting behind him.

They pick a table and start eating. Yoosung eating first since he already packed his food, he didn't trust the cafeteria food. Mc had to buy her food.

While waiting for his brunette friend another person came into view. Zen's long hair was tied into a man bun, his hair being white; silvery. Yoosung gives the handsome albino a last wave, the latter giving an enthusiastic one in return.

"Ah, Yoosung, have you seen Mi-Cha-"

"Bought food, she's pleased and flattered but not gonna accept"

"I know! I wasn't gonna ask her- It's just that trust fun kid again-"

"Zen, are you sure YOU don't like him?"

Zen gave Yoosung a face of complete disgust, as if he just told the second year to shave his head.

"I certainly do not! He is selfish, relies everything on money, and certainly does not know anything about respect!"

Yoosung only half listens to Zen's essay of how horrible a person Jumin is, th other half of his attention on his sandwich and the time. That is, until a certain sight caught his eyes.

His full attention is suddenly shifted towards a certain redhead. It was Luciel.

The boy in question looked to be enjoying a fun chat with one of their classmates. A smile never leaves his face, a laugh usually erupting from his thin lips; his nose crinkles whenever he does, his eyes were bright, and his posture was relaxed and refined.

Yoosung honestly didn't mean to stare, he wasn't aware he even was staring until a hand made its way to his shoulder, tapping him on the shoulder. The gesture was enough to break thhe boy from his trance.

"Hey, Yoosung, you were spacing out- which by the way is certainly rude-"

Yoosung shakes his head, turning towards Zen.

"Oh, uh, sorry Zen"

Zen shaked his head in dismay, deciding against scolding the boy knowing fully well he wouldn't listen. Instead, he switches his gaze towards the same boy Yoosung was staring at.

"New kid?"

Yoosung turns his head towards the same direction.

"Ya"

He takes a bite out of his sandwhich.

"So, you like him or..."

"NO!"

Heads turn towards the poor blonde as his answer bounce against the walls of the cafeteria. Yoosung, ashamed of his sudden change of volume, lowers his head and continues munching on his sandwhich.

"He's just interesting, y'know, being the son of our prime minister-"

"Wait, say what? Luciel Choi?"

"Ya"

Zen stood silent. Thankfully, his attention switched once Mc came back to the table.

"Oh my god, Yoosung was that-"

"Don't"

She shuts up and turns he attention towards Zen.

"Hello Zen"

"Mc"

"Here to rant about Jumin?"

Zen hesitated in answering.

"I was going to, but decided to talk about how we're gonna get you with Jaehee"

He finally sat down.

Mc gives him a smile, extremely grateful.

"Here's the plan..."

•••

The planning ended up taking up the entire lunch break, by that point it was already their next class.

He enters the classroom, being one of the first students there. He picks a seat close to the teacher's table, but not too close at the same time. Once he's seated he fixes up his things.

His eyes wander again towards the redhead, who was again talking to one of the students there. He looked to be enjoying himself.

Once everyone was in the classroom the teacher started.

The day dragged on, everything you'd expect from a first day, but something did feel perculiar. It was as if something about Luciel was important, like Yoosung was attracted to him in a way.

The entire day was his eyes somehow drifted to the boy. He was happy-go-lucky for sure, always smiling, laughing. Everyone he met was either amused or annoyed, but somehow that never bothered him.

Jokes sprout from his lips often, making a few laugh, chuckle, or even smile. He looked to be the type who isn't serious with anything.

The day came to an end, Yoosung saying goodbye to both Zen and Mc before waiting for his mom.

And as stupidly cliché as it is, he turns his head to the left to see Luciel.

The boy finally caught his eye, he gives Yoosung a smile and a wave.

Yoosung went home, with that vision stuck on his head.

[letter4alphabet-d01]

Story timeee

(If not interested, don't mind me, just keep scrolling)

Back to this summer, let's check a twitt:

"It's wonderful how I went on a meeting set with my friends to break up with my male best friend and broke up with my female best friend instead."

What happend??? Well, I got a "friend" (she/her), now we could consider her an ex-friend, we're simply gonna call her Sally (appropriate, sounds fishy to me, no offense) who always tried to make a scene and always act like a drama queen, more than me (which is almost impossible!).

I also have a male best friend (Sam, he/him) with who I normally argue a lot, but no prob still great friends (I don't know how we actually work things out every f- time, but fine ahaha).

As I said, me and Sam argue quite a lot, so sometimes it takes weeks or moths to get back together; it was not the same thing with Sally, on the contrary... we took 6 months last time...

Let's analyze first what happend with Sam: basically he offended my partner (they/them), saying they was being weird in a school photo... which annoyed me a lot, I tried to understand what was the point, but he kept insulting them without a reason. The conversation fired up real quick and our third bestie (Iris, she/her) had to stop us. We didn't talk to each other for about 3 months, the longest argue in our friendship. But, to mention again the twitt, we solved it at the end.

Now, let's talk about Sally: she always had, as said before, this needy and selfish attitude, not to mention how she used to play the victim, always talking about her parents divorce and her abusive brother ( before y'all start insulting me, she never proved she was abused by him, the 3 of us only knew he was quite weird, but never ask directly because Sally specifically asked us not to; about her parents, her dad was a great bastard and y'all gonna find out more about her mother...). Generally, the only thing she would talk about was her "difficult family situation" (again, no hating, she really was not seeing the point in her toxic family relations and wouldn't admit she needed therapy for this; at a certain point she started seeing a professional, but wasn'treally listening and still come whining and complaing to me...).

All these things together reached a level were they made the whole group unconfartable everytime we went out to chill. It was almost ridiculous, 'till the point where she started acting like she was the only one suffering (I too have a long medical story, Iris' parents has been divorced since she were a little chil ans Sam's family is problematic too, I don't really think that she thought this through ENOUGH).

These scenes continues untill December 2020, when something radically changed her attitude: Iris had an operation in November, she felt really bad about the group not being able to contact her because of our busy lives, which made her angry. Me and Sam got roasted by Iris, while "lovely tragic doll" Sally was being loved by our friend because she managed to call Iris and stay in touch with during the after-care. We too managed to solve with Iris after some weeks, but still today we feel ashamed of what we didn't do for our friend.

During those weeks of silence between me and Iris, I got to spend some more time with Sally and what she did was shocking: she actedas superior to Iris, demeaning her behind her back with me. At first I tried to change Sally's mind, highlighting what sounded wrong in her words, but when I saw she wouldn't listen I decided to come up with another plan. If I couldn't defend my bestie, I would have avenge her by playing along with Sally. I let her talk and say everything she thought, I also pretend that I myself agreed. So when things with Iris were resolved, I reported everything Sally had said about her. Iris was mad, furious, about to commit a massacre. When they met each other again, Iris didn't yell at Sally, she's not the type to waste her strength on someone who doesn't deserve it. She accused her of treason and to have stabbed her in her back. For Iris, Sally was dead.

Not yet to me tho. Not to reapet myself, basicallyshe did the same to me, AT THE SAME TIME WITH IRIS. In fact I roast Sally the very next day. Why would she do that? We actually still don't know after 2 years... But that's not the end.

Sally decided to contact me and Iris in January 2021, right after new year's party, to find a way to get back together "stronger then before" as she said. I was not surprised by that, neither was Iris. But we concluded on giving her a second chance after all. She acted as she were sincerely feeling guilty about what she did, saying she just wanted "attention" (like she never wanted, right?) and that her, again, family situation was frustrating.

So we tried to pass over what happend and go on with our lives, but Sally acted like she couldn't forgive herself: she started calling us both in the middle of the night, during school/work hours and couldn't let us even eat peacefully, because SHE NEEDED TO FEEL FORGIVEN AND TELL US HOW SHE FELT EVERY SECOND OF THE MF DAY!!! At first it was lovely to hear from her more than usal (which meant almost never if you didn't text her first), but quickly became so stressful we couldn't have a normal conversation without her playing the victim and ask "Is this okay for you girl? I am okay?? I don't want to be a burden... I'm so awful..." and more and more of these bullsh1ts.

Then in March she suddenly stopped. No text messages, no parties, no meeting at someone's house in the weekend, nothing more. We were really worried about her mental state at this point (as I said before, she started seeing a professionalfor her family situation, and I can say she was getting better, but we were worried about the possibility of a serious mental breakdown after her father left and transfered to his new woman house... he's a biatch and more). And that's the part where her mother took in the role of the "second victim" (no victim shaming, just telling the truth, remember). I may say I had a lovely relationship with her mother, always thought she didn't do anything bad in her wedding against her ex-husband, but now I can assure I was wrong, I partially understand Sally's father. The third weekend of March, I was contacted by Sally's mother (we're gonna call her Sarah, similar to Sally), who begged me to "stay close to Sally" to help her heal from her father leaving her... I was a little shocked, but I decided to give it a try. I met up with Iris and we come up with a brilliant idea: a small party between us. We were surprised that she immediately answer to our invitation.

The party went well, nothing wrong and only laughs... but maybe it was only from my perspective. The very next day both me and Iris contacted her to listen from her about the party, but the response was not what we thought: she declined our interest, thanks us for the party "as nothing was in the end" as she said and never answer anymore, at least to Iris. She answered to me. I had enough from a spoiled brat like her, that was just too much. But why am I saying this? Because of what Sarah told us (more correctly what she texted to Iris). To sum up her words, she told that Sally hated us and that I was a bully who would beat her daily (the only time I slap Sally was when she tried stealling the attention on the only day I should have all eyes on me, literally), things that were just nosense. Me and Iris were more than confused, but mostly I was devastated and on fire, ready to roast her.

The only thing she could say was "I'm trying my best for make up for my mistakes, pleaseee". I had enough that day. We stopped seeing and texting each other since then. And I'm not interested in getting back, neither her I guess from what happend in the end.

Now we can conclude explaining the first quote from Twitter: June 27, after what happend with Sam and the series of things with Sally, me and Iris arranged a meeting with both. Sam showned up, Sally didn't. So I saved my friendship with Sam by having a proper conversation and cut up every contact with Sally.

Fun fact: when Sam arrived, we tried calling Sally to understand where she was (Sam called), she pretended she misunderstood the date of the meeting and escaped from us by saying she couldn't come.

Simply we were fed up with her.

That was the story, thank for coming to my TedTalk, love y'all!!!

No hating, if you need any explanation just ask nicely <3

#quote #text #twitter #short story #story time #life quotes #friends #toxic frienship #toxic friends #no hating #no offense