#we were playing clue w my dad for a belated fathers day thing and the first game i knew the answer second time around the board

[blasphamoustraitors]

Hum

#august living #u know what says a lot abt my self confidence in my intelligence? #we were playing clue w my dad for a belated fathers day thing and the first game i knew the answer second time around the board #but i waited until the next time that exact combo was asked for again and no one had it to say i had the answer #bc i didnt believe i was right and just wanted to make sure and and that i didnt want to ruin the run by having the answer right away idk #then my brother and my dad were like why!? wouldnt u say u wanted to solve!? #just. like. idk im literally only confident in my looks!!!!! idk!!!!! #whatever i knew this i literally cried abt someone i dont talk to regularly starting a conversation w me unprompted #bc i dont think i deserve it or that im worth ppls time or that i know the right things to say or that they rlly want to talk to me??? #like ill fucking cry over being so god damn lonely and shit only to cry when someone i like but dont talk to talks to me!? #i made a sappy little post abt being greatful for sunsets yesterday on my fb and immediately #i wanted to post a thirst trap to reinforce that no im not smart or poetic or worldly im just i stupid himbo toy!!! #i didnt i did other things but i wanted to. i just. ive built up one skill to the point where its gotten me everything that ive ever had #relationships wise and now i dont know hoe to not be embarrassed by getting attention for being anything other than hot and fuckable #its essentially all i post on my fb. selfies. and i know i can get more attention and admiration if i post something a little or a lot sexy #and. i. dont know how to not feel like my body holds all my worth. when i know ppl are so much more likely to interact w me if im being hot #also yes i do feel like i dont deserve to reach out for conversation myself bc my mother instilled #that i couldnt invite myself over to friends houses and that spilled over into not feeling like i could talk to ppl first #ok. actually theres a lot that went into my whole thing but that is a big one #anyway im dont playing therapist with myself i need to sleep