How do us Monsters at Cosmology play The Forest?
We're so glad you asked.
1. Zorja builds everything silently, actually reads the manual, resourceful af, useful, silent mother who brings us food and items that we didn't even know existed...
2. ...While SadJack and Zmora divulge in chaos, refusing to do tutorials in lieu of (pathetically) figuring stuff out themselves. Starve. Naked. Cold. Afraid.
3. We have all walked through fires more times than we care to admit.
4. "Demon? Demon. I just wanna talk to the D E M O N S."
5. Once Dumb and Dumber *cough, SadJack and Zmora, cough* finally figure out the basic mechanics of the game, the two go hog. fucking. wild.
6. Zmora, supreme witch and nightmare personified builds a "bone creation station" where she quick snatches dead cannibals, slaps them onto the fire, and neatly collects the bones into cute little baskets. You'll thank her later, when you're in a pinch and need to quickly build some armour.
7. SadJack, your local cryptid friend, is intrigued by the "f o r b i d d e n m e a t" and starts...eating the cannibals. It's only so that they can unlock the ability to create effigies, they swear!
8. The two argue and fall into a body-turf-war over who gets the corpses and for what. Zorja realizes she might need 1) sanity pills; or 2) child rearing leashes and when she caters to one party, she pisses the other off.
9. Zmora eventually figures out the trap creation function. The property becomes a landmine of all traps you can think of. Her IRL paranoia than manifests in the game. Rocks walls. Defensive walls. All the walls. All the traps. All the spikes.
10. Zorja and SadJack are simultaneously facepalming, but also lowkey grateful since those armsy thingies? barrelling at you? Yea. Not a fun time.
11. Zmora get's sick of the turf war. She needs some goddamn bones. So, to spite SadJack she builds 10 massive effigies around the camp that require an enormous amount of limbs. So what's the problem? The new camp is so remote that they rarely get attacked. It's surrounded by large bodies of water so you can't bring the bodies with you. SadJack, needing to cross of lists, loses their goddamn mind with all the incomplete notifications.
12. Checkmate, Jack.
13. Zorja is here to get the story done. She wants the keycard, to see the final ending, and figure stuff out...
14....Meanwhile and SadJack and Zmora delve into this entire weird fiction Shakespearean level angst narrative of divorce drama. (I swear, Timmy. It's not your fault.)
15. What has happened to our throuple? "Zmora please I know things started going south when I started eating people, but I can change change! I swear!"
16. Zorja awkwardly side eyes this entire conversation as she attempts to save our son.
17. "Oh that's not the only reason we're getting divorced."
18. "Wait. WHAT ARE THE OTHER REASONS?!"
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