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bro-atz · 7 months

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at some point, we grow up

in which: you and minjae are neighbors and grew up together not being able to stand each other, only for feelings to change as you got older

pair: minjae/gn!reader (brief moments of junmin/gn!reader)

word count: 6k

content: fluff, childhood friends, enemies to not really enemies?? (friends to lovers??? enemies to lovers???), barely friends, love triangle andioop, high school romance, kissing, one-sided crushes, love thy neighbor

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“Hey, it’s my turn to build the castle!”

You snatched the tiny shovel from your friend, only for him to snatch it right back. Upset, you complained to his mom. “Auntie! Minjae won’t let me build the castle!”

“Minjae, it is Y/N’s turn, so give the shovel back,” Minjae’s mom came in clutch.

“But this is our sandbox, and it’s in our yard. Y/N lives next door,” Minjae said, making somewhat of a valid point.

“Okay, but you suck at building castles. If I do it, then at least we’ll have an actual castle that won’t fall apart in two seconds.”

“I’ll crush your castle in one second, then.”

“Auntie!”

That’s was pretty much how most of your childhood went: playing in the backyard with your next door neighbor, Minjae. The aunties in the neighborhood liked to joke that the two of you would grow up and get married, but they’d immediately take it back when they saw you chase Minjae around the neighborhood with a worm on a stick or a ball of mud. Minjae was also afraid of heights, and you used that to torment him whenever he was being mean or annoying by grabbing one of his shoes then climbing up a tree so that he couldn’t get it, thus earning the nickname of monkey (well, Minjae was the only one who ever called you monkey).

On your way to school, you would never, ever sit next to him on the bus. He was a popular kid, so he sat in the back of the bus. You, on the other hand, wanted to get off the bus as soon as possible, so you sat in the very first seat. Sure, you were neighbors and would play together after school, but that didn’t mean you had to be friends with him in school. Honestly, you wouldn’t even categorize Minjae as being a friend. He was a last resort— someone you tolerated just enough that you would let go of whatever grievances you have with him in order to avoid a boring day at home.

Minjae seemed to be the same way. At school, he wanted nothing to do with you. When it was time for recess, he and his friends would be on the court playing basketball while you and your friends would play on the playground swinging from the monkey bars or going down the slide or just sitting on the swing waiting for the wind to push you. Even if you both were in the same homeroom, you would keep your distance. He didn’t want people knowing he was your neighbor, and likewise you with him.

There were eleven houses on your block, and the families on the block would gather for potlucks every so often. You and Minjae were the oldest out of all the kids. The rest of the kids were younger than you by a year or two difference, but when you’re a kid, a year is such a huge difference. You and Minjae never wanted to interact with the younger kids because they were so young and obnoxious, and the two of you had more experience in life. That being said, you hated that there was no one else for you to really hang out with at those dinners.

Usually, during these dinners, the families would be busy eating and chatting in the dining room while the rest of the kids would sit in the living room, eating and talking or watching TV. The younger kids always wanted to play while the older kids opted to watch TV. The two of you would sit together— but not too close— and just watch whatever was playing in silence.

The running joke during these dinners was that you and Minjae were going to end up together (which wasn’t really refuted by the time you both entered middle school because you stopped chasing Minjae around with bugs), but you and Minjae still got annoyed by the teasing to the point where the two of you stopped hanging out after school— heck, you both had to walk home after school, but you never walked together even though you were next door neighbors. That being said, you would still reluctantly keep each other company at these stupid neighborhood block dinners.

“Dude, you’re breathing so loud. Shut up,” you told Minjae at one of the dinners while kicking his leg.

You both were in your final year of middle school. The other kids were in their own world as per usual, and you and Minjae decided to watch a movie as per usual, but Minjae was breathing too loud for you to watch the movie.

“I’m not breathing loud. You are.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

The two of you started kicking each other while yelling insults at each other.

“Do you have a problem with watching a movie silently or something? Just stop breathing for a second!” you said with complete annoyance.

“Your nose is the one that keeps whistling! Remind me to tell auntie to make you get plastic surgery— that should also help fix your ugly monkey face,” Minjae shot back.

“You’re the ugly one, mop head! If you won’t stop breathing, then I’ll make you stop breathing!”

You got Minjae in a headlock and pinned him to the ground, hoping that if you choked him hard enough that he’d stop breathing and you could watch the movie in peace.

“Ew, get a room,” one of the boys commented as he looked at the two of you.

“Shut up, Hyunwoo,” both you and Minjae spat out.

“Aw, you both are synced up and everything. You’re totally meant to be,” Sumin, one of the more chaotic boys of the group, teased.

“Bro, I will make you stop breathing, too,” you warned him.

“Ha, I’d like to see you try!”

Next thing you all knew, everyone worked together to tear you and Sumin apart. You had your hand around his neck while he had your hair bunched up in his fists. Jinsik, Sumin’s best friend, was pulling Sumin away while Yujun, one of the youngest boys, worked on getting his fingers out of your hair. Junghoon, Hyunwoo’s best friend, and Hyunwoo pulled your hands away from Sumin’s neck while Minjae had his arms wrapped around your waist and tried to pull you away that way. Hunter, Seeun, and Yechan, the other younger kids of the group, were busy laughing at the whole scene.

“You both gotta stop before the parents see, guys!” Yujun rationalized.

Reluctantly, the two of you released one another. You glared at Sumin, who responded with a stink eye. You lunged at the annoying-ass boy again, but Minjae was still holding you back.

“F— Minjae! Let go!” you nearly swore as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

Immediately, Minjae let go, earning a look of disgust from you.

“See? Meant to be,” Sumin teased once more.

“I’ll kill you!”

The rest of the night consisted of the other eight boys trying desperately to keep you and Sumin away from each other.

One day on your way back from school in the wintertime, it was snowing outside. You, like an idiot, forgot to bring a scarf or a hat to protect yourself from the snow. Snow didn’t bother you like that, but it did make your hair wet, and you always got sick after walking outside in the cold with wet hair. You stood by the exit and sighed deeply before walking outside into the winter wonderland.

After two minutes of walking in the snow, your hair was covered with thick chunks of snowflakes. You brushed the snow out of your hair before it could melt when you suddenly felt something land on your head— a hat. You looked to your side to see Minjae walking right next to you bundled up in his winter jacket, his face buried in a knit scarf.

“Thanks...” you mumbled while you put the hat on properly. “I’ll return it to you later.”

“No, that’s for you. Mom made it for you and told me to give it to you. I kept forgetting,” Minjae said roughly.

“Oh… Tell her I said thanks.”

“Will do.”

After the conversation ended, you thought Minjae was going to walk ahead to maintain some distance between you two, so you were surprised to see that he was walking right next to you. You didn’t want to say anything because, while you didn’t really care for his company, it was nice not walking home alone for once. The entire walk home, you both were completely silent while listening to your own music with your own ears buds in both ears, but you kept each other company.

High school was pretty much the same as elementary school. You thought you and Minjae had gotten closer since middle school, but he went right back to his old ways after middle school ended, but you weren’t bothered because you had your own friends and the two of you didn’t even have classes together, so you really weren’t upset that the distance between you two grew. Well, that’s how it was freshman year. Sophomore year, however, things changed.

There was a new family that moved into the block. There was an older couple who moved out— they never had a kid, so your group didn’t change— but the new family had a son named Junmin. He was in the same year as you and Minjae. You briefly interacted with Junmin at the first block party that he attended, but other than the parties, you had no real reason to interact with him.

Minjae was already on the school basketball team freshman year, so when Junmin joined the team sophomore year, the two of them immediately befriended each other. They would sit together on the bus ride home (whenever they didn’t have practice) all the time and talk and laugh while you sat elsewhere talking to some of the other kids in the neighborhood. Even when the three of you got down at the same bus stop, you would just walk home without acknowledging either of them, your headphones blasting music in your ears to make you seem like less of a dick. However, that dynamic only lasted the one semester. It was the first day of the spring semester classes that your world changed.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Junmin greeted you one morning.

He plopped into the seat and sat right next to you. Despite the fact that you had headphones in, you could still hear him. It was too early in the morning for you to react in a timely manner, so you sat and stared at him in bewilderment before responding, “Good morning…”

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

Junmin asking that question well after he got comfortable in the seat was kind of pointless, and while you didn’t really want him to sit next to you, the bus was already moving. You had no choice but to nod. You turned away from him and turned up the volume of the song you were listening to, hoping that he would get the hint and not talk to you. Even though you were listening to music on full blast and you were looking out of the window, Junmin wanted to talk.

“Y/N, I have a question,” Junmin patted your shoulder lightly, trying to get your attention.

With a heavy sigh, you paused your music, took your headphones out, and gave him your somewhat complete attention. As much as you didn’t want to talk to him, he wasn’t a bad kid, so you didn’t want to be too rude to him.

“Why don’t you ever sit with us in the back?”

“Who? You and Minjae?”

“Yeah. We’re all neighbors, after all. Sumin, Jinsik, and Hyunwoo also sit with us.”

“First of all, it’s too early in the morning to deal with all of Sumin’s screaming—”

Right on cue, Sumin laughed loudly, giving you a slight headache.

“That’s fair,” Junmin acknowledged while rubbing his ringing ear.

“And second of all, we’re not friends like that. I’ve never been friends with anyone in the group like that,” you explained.

“Is there a reason why?”

“…No. That’s just how our lives unfolded. None of us are too bothered by it.”

“Why don’t you try to be proper friends with us? It’ll be fun,” Junmin encouraged you.

“And talk about what? I don’t play basketball or watch the games, and we don’t even have classes together. There’s nothing to really talk about with all of you,” you sighed, wondering why Junmin was trying so hard to make all of you guys be friends.

“Okay, fine. But I’m sure you and I can find something to talk about.”

“Like what?”

“Um… What song were you listening to just now?”

You showed him the song, and he immediately gushed on and on about the artist. The two of you ended up discussing music the rest of the bus ride to school.

The two of you got off the bus and walked towards the building together, only to see Junmin get whisked away by the boys.

“Bye, Y/N! See you later!” he called while waving as his friends dragged him away.

You waved in response, an amused smile on your face.

Minjae, meanwhile, decided to grill Junmin as they entered the school through a different entrance.

“Why did you sit by Y/N today and not us?” he asked.

“I mean, we all live on the same block, so why not be friends?”

“You barely talk to Y/N at the block parties, what do you mean?” Sumin furrowed his eyebrows.

“I mean, like… Well… I think we—”

“Guys, get the hint. Junmin has a crush on Y/N,” Jinsik pointed out while rolling his eyes.

“Really? On Y/N?” Hyunwoo was shocked.

Junmin couldn’t even deny his feelings— his face was already bright red. He nodded, and the group immediately erupted into debates about you. Minjae, on the other hand, kept quiet. He was baffled. Why did Junmin have a crush on you, the weird kid who chased him around with a bug on a stick, the crazy kid who tried to fight him, the kid who barely talked to him? He just couldn’t imagine anyone having feelings for you of all people.

You didn’t realize that you, Junmin, and Minjae all had lunch at the same time until you bumped into Junmin— you were with your friends, and the bell rang so you were off to your next class.

“Sorry— Oh! Y/N! You have lunch this period, too?” Junmin was mildly surprised to see you.

“Yeah, you too?”

“Yep.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Minjae put his arm over Junmin’s shoulder, nearly knocking the boy down.

“Hi, Minjae…” you were confused— why was Minjae talking to you?

“Do you still wear that hat my mom gave you?”

You were seriously weirded out. Minjae never talked to you in school, and now he wanted to know about what clothes you wore? “Yeah, I wore it to school today.”

“I thought I saw you wearing it. My mom has another one she made for you. I’ll give it to you later.”

“Okay…? Uh… Bye, Minjae. Bye, Junmin.”

You waved and immediately started walking to class, your friends squealing beside you.

“What’s with you guys?” you asked.

“Junmin is totally into you,” one of your friends said.

“No, Minjae likes Y/N,” another friend stated.

“OMG, what if Y/N is trapped in a love triangle? This is so cute, I’m so jealous!” a third friend added their opinion.

“Stop. Minjae’s just my next door neighbor, and Junmin lives on my block. We’re just neighbors,” you shot down their delusional theories almost immediately.

“Well, if you had to choose between them—”

“No, neither. I’m good. Come on, we’re going to be late for class.”

The bus rides to and from school confused you. Not only was Junmin sitting by you, but Minjae was as well, which ultimately led to Sumin, Jinsik, and Hyunwoo to sit by you all. You barely talked while the rest of the boys screamed about something or the other, but you did feel a little closer to them. You didn’t know how you felt about that, but it wasn’t so bad being friendly with them.

When February came around, your friends teased the shit out of you. They kept saying that Junmin or Minjae would bring you something for the most romantic day of the year, and that they both would compete to get you the better present. You kept telling them that no, that was not going to happen, but at lunch, Junmin approached your table.

“Y/N,” he said as he handed a tiny bag of chocolate truffles to you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Th-thank you…” you mumbled while taking the present from him.

Just as quickly as he arrived, Junmin disappeared, leaving your friends to squeal. You tossed the chocolate into your backpack.

“Alright, ladies. If Minjae also gives Y/N chocolate, then I win the bet,” one of your friends said.

“Well I definitely lost… Can’t believe it… I thought Minjae would give Y/N chocolate first,” another friend said.

“See, I told you Junmin would give Y/N chocolate first, and I still think that Minjae isn’t interested,” the third friend said with a grin.

“Why are you betting on my life?” you asked with a sigh.

“We’re betting on your love life—”

“Nonexistent. I don’t have one, and I don’t want one, so stop it,” you said, hoping that you shut down their betting pool.

The bus ride home that day was quiet. Minjae and Junmin were at practice, and somehow, Sumin, Jinsik, and Hyunwoo all managed to get detention together. You treasured the quiet bus ride and had a peaceful time on your way home.

It was snowing when you got home. Snow in February was a little weird, but global warming messed with everything, so it didn’t surprise you anymore. You watched the snow flutter to the ground as you sat at your desk and finished your homework for the night before heading into your living room to sit and watch TV.

The doorbell from the backyard rang around seven in the evening. Mildly annoyed, you went to the backyard to see Minjae wearing his winter coat and scarf. Before you could even unlock the door, Minjae gestured for you to meet him by the sandbox in his backyard. You, completely annoyed by that point, grumbled to yourself as you wore a jacket and boots— it was still snowing outside, but you didn’t think you’d need a hat because you didn’t plan on being outside for more than two minutes.

“What is it?” you asked Minjae as you trudged through the snow.

“Here,” he held out a bag. “For you.”

“Uh, thanks?”

You took the bag from him and waved, assuming that you were good to leave, but Minjae grabbed your hand. He took the bag back and took out whatever was in it before placing it on your head.

“I told you my mom made you another hat. Try it on.”

He held the bag for you as you put the hat on properly. It fit nicely, and it was a rather cute hat.

“Tell your mom I say thanks, then,” you nodded, a small smile on your face as you appreciated the hat.

Minjae nodded. He handed the bag back to you and uttered a small “bye,” before shuffling back to his house. The bag seemed empty, so you wondered why on Earth he left you with the bag. You realized why he did when you got home— there was a tiny tootsie roll in the bag.

You sat in your room, the two chocolates in front of you. You stared at them in confusion. You were about to overthink the chocolates, but then your mother called you into the kitchen. You tossed them into a random drawer in your desk and made your way to the kitchen, completely forgetting about the chocolates.

The rest of the year was annoying, and as was the fall semester of your junior year. Minjae constantly greeted you in the halls whenever you saw him, but it was never in a, for lack of better terms, normal way. Sometimes, he’d make monkey noises and then say that he was doing his impression of you, or he would intentionally run his shoulder into yours, and sometimes he would slam your locker shut just as you opened it.

Junmin, on the other hand, didn’t get to see you as often. His classes were always on the opposite side of the school, and he didn’t even have lunch with you. Because of this development, all of your friends “flipped to Team Minjae”.

“Y/N, face it. Minjae is totally into you,” your friend said to you while walking through the halls, moments after Minjae rammed his shoulder against yours.

“No, he’s not. He used to do this to me all the time when we were kids. This is how he is,” you said while rubbing your shoulder— the impact hurt a little, not going to lie.

“These are things that boys do to their crushes, though. Maybe he liked you when you were kids.”

“Absolutely not. He always destroyed my sand castles and…” you couldn’t think of other things he did to you because you would hold a bug and chase him around before he could do anything to you— preventative measures. “Anyway, we’re childhood friends… No, not even friends. We’re neighbors. That’s all we’ll ever be.”

Junior year meant you could drive home, so you didn’t take the bus anymore. You didn’t see either Minjae or Junmin when you got home, which was always somewhat of a relief because you were tired of seeing Minjae at school. Junmin, on the other hand, wasn’t bad. Seeing him was never irritating.

You shook your head. Why were you thinking about those boys in the first place when they didn’t hold a special place in your heart? They weren’t worth the thought. You had other things to think about, like your grades; not boys, and definitely not the neighbor boys.

“Y/N!” Minjae called your name while you walked through the halls.

“God…” you muttered under your breath before turning to him and asking loudly, “What do you want, Minjae?”

“Come here,” he walked towards the stairwell.

Reluctantly, you did as he said and joined him in the stairwell. “Okay, what is it?”

He closed the door to the stairwell. You narrowed your eyes. What was he doing?

“I have something I want to tell you.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

Minjae took a step towards you, and you immediately took a step back. He was definitely acting weird. He kept walking towards you, and you kept walking backwards away from him, only for your back to hit the wall. Your eyes darted back and forth as he pinned you against the wall. His face was so close to yours that you felt like you could count each individual, surprisingly gorgeous, eyelash of his.

“I like you, Y/N. Go out with me,” he said quietly but not so quietly that you couldn’t hear him clearly.

“Minjae, stop messing around.”

You tried to push him away and leave, but he grabbed your arms and pinned them above your head to the wall. One hand holding your arms and his other hand pressing against the wall by your hip, Minjae said, “I’m serious, Y/N. I like you. I really fucking like you.”

Your eyes went wide— you’d never heard him say the f word before. Your heart raced as he leaned in, his lips nearly brushing past yours…

Then, your alarm went off. You sat up immediately, your forehead breaking into a cold sweat. What the fuck was that dream?!

You couldn’t face Minjae normally after that dream ever again. You did you best to avoid him at any given moment in the day to the point where you just carried all your textbooks with you so that you wouldn’t have to stop at your locker. Your friends didn’t realize that you were trying to avoid him, so they just assumed that Minjae lost interest. At least your love life was no longer a topic of discussion within your group.

You did a good job in avoiding him until the block party. You couldn’t believe that you had to face him during the party, and it made you nervous as hell. Your heart was already fluttering before you even saw the guy. How on Earth did one measly dream make you crush on a boy that was mean to you all through your childhood?

The party was at Junmin’s house that time. Your family was the first to arrive at the party, which thankfully meant that it was just you and Junmin.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Junmin greeted you with a smile.

He was sitting in the living room flipping through channels. You took a seat next to him. “I know, right? How’ve you been?”

“Busy. Practice got so much more intense now that we’re on varsity.”

“We?”

“Yeah, me and Minjae.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Even the mere mention of his name freaked you out. You hated that.

“How have the games been?” you asked, desperately trying to return your heart rate to normal.

“We’re doing well this season! You should really come for one of our games. We have a home game next week.”

“I don’t know… I’m not a huge basketball fan…”

“You won’t know if you don’t try. At least come for me? Please?”

Junmin stared at you with the most adorable puppy dog eyes, making your heart flutter. Unable to deal with his cute face, you nodded, his eyes immediately sparkling after.

“Promise?”

He held out his pinky.

“Promise.”

You locked your pinky with his.

Even when Minjae arrived at the party, you didn’t realize, nor were you bothered by it. It had just been so long since you had seen Junmin that the two of you talked the entire night. Minjae didn’t even approach the two of you because he had no idea what you both were talking about.

“They’re so cute together, aren’t they?” Minjae heard the aunties talking.

“They are! It would be so cute if they started dating.”

“Can I tell you ladies a secret?” Junmin’s mom approached the women. Minjae, still within earshot, heard Junmin’s mom say, “Junmin’s liked Y/N for a while. Hyunwoo’s mom told me.”

“Why Hyunwoo’s mom?”

“Because Hyunwoo can’t keep a secret.”

Minjae frowned. He had no idea that Junmin was still into you like that. With a shrug, he walked away from the gossiping aunties and hung out with the other boys, leaving you and Junmin to talk the rest of the night.

And lo and behold, the aunties spoke the ship into existence. After you promised Junmin that you’d go to the home game and followed through with your promise, Junmin was delighted. He asked you out that night after their school won— you both were walking back to your car, and he asked you when you got to your car. He was ecstatic when you said yes, but he didn’t kiss you. No, he hugged you, told you that he’d text you about taking you on a date, and left to get into his own car.

Your relationship with Junmin lasted the rest of your high school lives. You went to every single basketball game, you both took turns driving to and from school, and he even took you to prom. Your first kiss happened during your senior year homecoming, and, well, progressed to be more intimate as time went on.

Junmin made you completely forget about your brief crush on Minjae, so when you met them at the games, you talked to Minjae normally. Minjae, on the other hand, distanced himself, using the excuse that he hated romance as a reason to keep away (not that you cared about the justification).

When the three of you graduated, the aunties wanted the three of you to stand together and take a picture. You wrapped one arm around Junmin’s and leaned into him, Minjae standing awkwardly next to you.

“What are you doing? Come here,” you stretched your arm out for Minjae and linked arms with him.

Minjae ears went red, and his face turned a dusty shade of pink. Nonetheless, he kept his arm linked with yours, and the huge gap that was between the two of you disappeared. The pictures turned out great with all three of you standing near each other with wide smiles on your faces. The pictures were so good, in fact, that you didn’t even notice that in one of the pictures, Minjae was looking at you longingly despite the fact that he was standing right next to you.

After you graduated from college, you decided to go home for a couple of months. You were tired from studying and just wanted a little break before starting to work. Also, living rent free didn’t sound too bad, and you missed your mom’s cooking. So many reasons to go home.

Being home, though, you were worried about running into Junmin. The two of you broke up the first year of college because long distance wasn’t working out for the two of you. There weren’t any hard feelings, but Junmin did find a new significant other, so you didn’t want to interact because you were completely and utterly single.

Since you had nothing to study for and no work to do, you found yourself wondering what to do with yourself. So, one day, you laid down in the grass in your backyard and just stared at the sky. You thought about how simple life used to be and thought about what you did as kids to pass the time. Sure, there was the sandbox, which Minjae’s mom got rid of the second all the kids on the block went to college, and there was a park nearby, but that definitely wasn’t all of it. You were thinking about it so hard that you didn’t even realize someone had approached you, their head moving over you and blocking the view.

“Y/N?”

“Jesus!” you sat up immediately, nearly screaming. “Minjae! You scared the shit outta me!”

“Sorry,” Minjae apologized, although he didn’t sound sorry in the slightest. “Mind if I join you?”

You patted a spot of grass next to you, Minjae promptly sitting there. The two of you sat in complete and utter silence. The sound of the wind and the birds filled the silence, but for some reason, it just made you even more aware of the fact that you didn’t even know what to talk to Minjae about. So, you laid back down in the grass and stared at the sky. Minjae mirrored your actions.

“What are we looking at?” Minjae asked, being the first one to break the silence.

“Well, I was thinking more than looking…”

“Thinking about what?”

“About how we used to the pass time as kids. Like, other than the sand pit and the park, what else did we do?”

“You would steal my shoe and climb up a tree so that I couldn’t get it because you knew I was afraid of heights,” Minjae responded almost immediately.

“Oh, right,” you couldn’t help but laugh. “I did use to do that, didn’t I? Are you still afraid of heights?”

Minjae didn’t respond, making you laugh harder. You sat up and clutched your stomach as you laughed your ass off. Minjae sat up too, a small frown on his face.

“Come on, it’s not easy to get over a fear…” Minjae pouted.

“No, you’re right,” you agreed as you wiped tears from your eyes— you laughed so hard you started crying. “I’m sorry for laughing.”

“That’s okay.”

You stood up and held your hand out to help Minjae up. After dusting your pants off, the two of you walked to the neighborhood park. You sat on the benches near the basketball court and continued talking.

“Do you still play basketball?”

“Not competitively, but for fun, yeah.”

The two of you talked about very surface level things, but your conversation stretched out and kept going and going. You never realized you could talk to Minjae for so long, but the two of you weren’t children anymore. You grew up, and with growing up comes different conversations.

Both of your families ended up having dinner together, his parents grilling you about job prospects and your parents with him. By the end of the exhausting interrogative dinner, you and Minjae stood outside on the deck. It was pretty dark outside, and the only thing to illuminate the area were the porch lights of all the houses.

“Did you hear about Junmin?” Minjae asked tentatively.

“Yeah… I mean, good for him. He’s a nice guy,” you said with a sigh.

“What about you?”

“What about me what?”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

You burst out laughing. Hearing those words from Minjae’s mouth was so foreign, and you never ever thought he would say that phrase to you.

“What’s so funny?” Minjae looked at you with concern.

“No, it’s just— You sounded almost like an ex-boyfriend,” you explained after calming down. “But, no. I’m not. Are you?”

“I mean, I am an ex-friend that is a boy,” Minjae mumbled, but you didn’t hear him. Louder, he answered your question, “No, I’m not either.”

“Why not?” the words flew out of your mouth.

“What do you mean why not?” Minjae asked with a laugh. “I just never found someone that I really liked.”

You nodded— it was the same for you after you broke up with Junmin.

The two of you went silent. The only thing you could hear were the buzzes of grasshoppers and cicadas. From inside the house, your mothers were looking at your backs.

“Remember when we used to say that these two would get together?” your mom whispered to Minjae’s mom.

“Yes, I do… Do you think they will?”

“Maybe… Should we keep watching?”

“I don’t see why not.”

The two of you were unaware that your mothers were watching you— your backs were still facing them as Minjae spoke softly.

“I have something to tell you.”

Your mind immediately flashed back to the dream you had about him, and memories of crushing on Minjae flooded your brain. You felt your face heat up as Minjae turned his entire body to face you. He didn’t take a step towards you like he did in the dream, but he did scoot the tiniest bit closer to you.

“Remember when you and Junmin started dating?”

You were not expecting him to say that. Your heart calmed down slightly, and you nodded in response.

“Well, back then, right before you two started dating, you came to watch our game for the first time. My heart skipped a beat because I thought that you came to see me even though I knew you were there because he asked you to come… And I kept thinking about how nice it would have been if you were there for me and not him…”

Your jaw dropped. Was Minjae… Confessing?

“I don’t even know when I caught feelings for you, Y/N… All I know is that whenever Junmin talked about you, I’d get annoyed, so I’d annoy you. I liked when you gave me your attention, and when you started avoiding me—”

“You knew I was avoiding you?” you interrupted.

“Of course I did. You’re not as subtle as you think. I don’t know why you were, but I decided to lay off because I thought you were upset with me. I didn’t want to upset you…”

Empty noises left your body. You didn’t even know how to respond to that revelation with anything other than the truth.

“Seeing you with Junmin was hard… I kept wishing I was him…”

“Minjae…”

“Tell me something, Y/N. Did you hate me back then?”

You had to tell him the truth. “No...” you bit your lower lip and looked down. “I avoided you because… I had a crush on you… And we grew up together so I thought it was weird and that I shouldn’t have been looking at you like that…”

“So you didn’t avoid me because you hated me?”

“I hated you when we were kids, but I never avoided you when we were kids.”

Minjae bit back a slight laugh. He smiled with relief, and your heart raced. He had the same face he did when you were younger, but he looked so much more attractive now, like he grew into his features. You felt your heartbeat louder when Minjae leaned into you.

“Y/N, I have something I want to tell you.”

God, your dream was happening. Your high school dream was coming to life.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I like you.”

He reached out and cupped your cheek, your face instantly heating up.

“Can I take you on a date sometime, some place?”

This was so much nicer than your high school dream, to say the least.

“I would like that.”

“And… Would it be okay if I kissed you right now?”

“I would really like that…”

Minjae couldn’t help but smile. You felt his hand snake around your waist and pull you even closer to him. Your hands rested on his shoulders as he brought your face towards his, his lips brushing against yours.

This time, you didn’t wake up— you were awake, and this very real Minjae was actually kissing you. The first kiss was soft, but the second was passionate, desperate. His hold on you got tighter, and he kissed you as if he was trying to make up for lost time. Butterflies filled your stomach. When his lips trapped your lower lip and sucked lightly, you felt the world spinning. He leaned into you and kissed you harder, both of his arms around your waist. Your hold on his shoulders was weakening— the more he kissed you, the more your mind went blank.

Yet, when he released your lips and moved back, you leaned towards him wanting more. You moved your hands so that they held onto his neck and pulled him towards you again. His lips were addicting, and you wanted more of him. But, he kept making little comments in between the kisses.

“I like you, Y/N.” Kiss. “I seriously like you.” Kiss. “I like you so much.”

He tried to kiss you again but you covered his lips with your hand and said, “Shut up. Do you have a problem with kissing without talking or something?”

“No, monkey.”

“Monkey?!” you slapped his shoulder. “If I’m a monkey, then you’re still a mop-head.”

“I’ll be your mop-head,” Minjae rubbed his nose against yours lightly. “And you’re my monkey.”

“Don’t make me put you in a headlock.”

“Kinky.”

“Minjae!” you gasped, your face immediately heating up.

“I’m kidding! Just kidding,” Minjae laughed at your red face and hugged you.

You hugged him back and sunk into his warmth and familiar, natural scent. And when he leaned back to look at your face, you kissed him quickly, smiles blossoming on your face, then his.

You both finally turned towards the house to head back inside, only to see your moms and dads watching the whole scene unfold with popcorn in their hands. The two of you immediately separated, the two of you now completely embarrassed.

“See, we told you that you’d end up together!” Minjae’s mom said with a laugh.

#xikers #kim minjae #minjae #minjae fluff #minjae x reader #xikers minjae #kim minjae xikers #minjae xikers #junmin #park junmin #junmin fluff #junmin x reader #xikers junmin #junmin xikers #park junmin xikers #broatz

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gyuletters · 1 year

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playground love. | beomgyu valentine's day special

♡ pairing: beomgyu x female reader.

♡ summary: you and beomgyu have been friends for so long. how to tell him your feelings changed to such an intense emotions?

♡ genre: 60's fluff.

♡ warnings: none.

♡ note: english isn't my first language. so excuse any mistakes. <3

january 27th, summer of 1968.

"y/n! there is a letter for in the mail, sweetie!"

"i'm coming, mother!"

my father had to go in a bussiness trip to France almost two months ago. he promised me to mail me a letter every month with updates. he knows how much i miss him. i wait every beginning of month for his letter to come in.

"here it is, dearest." - my mother hands me the letter.

i open it so fast that i almost rip the writting paper apart.

"dear, yn ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ red roses are starting to bloom everywhere. the photography i'm sending you, was taken from the garden close to my hotel. the owners are a very respectful family, who lives in the South. they told me that one of their houses here in Paris is avaible for buying. it's a lovely house to live. i can already imagine you living there, my daughter. it's close to the most famous places and full of people, just like the pictures you have, dear. my work here is almost done. in a few more weeks, i'm going home. can't wait to give all the gifts i brought for you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ with love, your very much loved father.

i jump out of the couch and run towards the kitchen - "mother, father is coming home in a few weeks!"

"oh my god, y/n! i can not believe it!" - she says almost crying. - "i have to call him right now!"

i run to our backyard and start to call for my childhood best friend.

"beomgyu! beomgyu! beomgyu! my father is coming back!" - i say through the fence.

beomgyu moved to the neighborhood ten years ago. i was 6 years old when i saw a brown haired boy, who is two years older than me, taking boxes from a big truck.

"jesus, y/n! it's saturday! there is no need to scream." - he says coming towards me with a very sleepy face.

"were you asleep? it's almost eleven!"

"there is no school today, mom." - he says sarcastic - "i was hoping to sleep until 1PM, but apparently you had other plans..."

"i'm sorry, beomgyu. it's just that father is coming home after two months!"

"no way! he is even earlier than you thought!" - beomgyu replies while getting excited as well.

"i know! i can't wait for him to tell me everything about the trip. the stores, the cafes, the people... ah, it seems like a dream."

"you're so cute when you get happy."

i laugh a little. i can feel my cheeks getting blushy and try to hide it with my hair.

"doesn't it deserve a hug?" - beomgyu says with his mischevious face.

i jump the fence and wrap myself all over him.

"i'm so happy for you, y/n." - his voice is closer to my ears. his breath tickles my neck and give me a warmth in my stomach.

little by little through our friendship years, i found myself falling in love with beomgyu. at start, i thought it was just a confusing thing. me not knowing how to distinguish my feelings for him.

but, as the time pass, i can only feel my heart calling for him more hopelessly. it's a vicious feeling. i just want more and more of beomgyu to myself.

february 12th, summer of 1968.

"where beomgyu is taking you on valentine's day?" - my friend asks.

"what do you mean?" - i laugh while putting my books in the locker.

"oh, right. i forgot you still didn't tell him that you love him."

"i don't love him. it's just a normal romantic feeling towards a friend... it will go away."

"you have been saying that for 2 years, y/n."

"i know, right?" - i smash my forehead in the closed locker. - "i just can't tell him about it. if i ruin everything? if he thinks i'm crazy?"

"well... at least you've tried."

"you are terrible at helping people."

"look" - she hufs - "he's already going to college. do you really want to wait until he's far away from you?"

the problem is, beomgyu is more than a friend. he is family. we had grown up together through each others eyes.

i remember when he just looked like a silly boy - picking up insets to throw at me and laugh after seeing me scared, spending the whole day together at the pool in a hot day, having sleepovers where we would sneak for my leaving room and try to watch a horror movie.

all of sudden, he became the beomgyu. not just a friend, but a man.

a man i would look and ponder when did he started to get muscles. a man that when was shirtless, i coudn't look directly at. a man the has the most kissable lips i have ever seen. a man who has all the girls falling for him. a man who probably wouldn't look at his friend next door as a possible lover.

he is breathtaking. he looks as angelic as a human should.

keeping my feelings to myself just seem the right thing to do. i can't face rejection coming from him.

he is my first an only love. i know it's silly... i just can't see myself with anybody if not him.

february 14th, summer of 1968 - 02:00 AM.

"hey, y/n? are you awake?" - beomgyu taps on my bedroom window.

i come out of bed and open it. i'm welcomed with his beautiful face in the middle of the night

"it's so late." - i say looking at the clock with a sleepy face - "what are you doing here?"

"get up at 5:00AM. let's do a little summer trip"

i laugh a little taken back by his confident state. - "beomgyu, are you crazy? i can't get out this early!"

"i just want to borrow you for a few hours. it's going to be fast. i promise! i even have my father's car!"

"i don't know, beomgyu... if my parents come looking for me?"

"they won't, y/n. i promise. just come with me."

when he looks at me with those shining eyes, speaking so confidently, talking like i'm already his... i can't resist it.

"okay."

february 14th, summer of 1968. - 5:30 AM.

song's are blasting through the radio. the breeze hitting myself. i never felt more alive.

"i knew you would like it, y/n!" - beomgyu speaks louder than the radio.

"thank you for bringing me!"

i can sense a different smell in the air. something salty and beachy...

"wait! you are taking me to the beach! OH MY GOD!"

beomgyu laughs and says - "i know you love the beach. so i thought of bring you before i went to college."

"oh, right." - i think. - "in a few weeks his moving away and going to college."

"look at the waves! they are so pretty today!" - beomgyu speaks but i can't hear a thing.

how is it going to be without him? i'm so used to see him everyday, to just jump the fence and knock on his window whenever i need him, to the sound of his voice, to the feeling of home around him.

there's going to be plenty of pretty girls there? maybe he's going to find his real love while i'm still here, just paused on time. remanescing our moments as a way to tell my poor heart that we couldn't work out of my fantasies.

"please, don't forget about me." - i pray to lord.

february 14th, summer of 1968 - 5:50 AM.

"i'm going to catch you, y/n!

"only if you want to be soaked!" - i say running to the water.

"i'm not scared of water!" - beomgyu comes right after me.

his laugh sounds like a song i could put on replay. the sun rising light coming little by little iluminanting his golden skin. splashing water on each other. i've never felt more young, more in love.

"i got you, y/n!"

we are laughing so hard that it takes a while to realize we're so close. our faces just inches away.

he has a little mole on his face... i can see it now.

has he been always this handsome from upclose?

"y/n..." - he calls me almost like a whisper. - "you are so beautiful."

my heart sinks. time stops. i don't know if the goosebumps appering on my skin are from the cold or from his sweet and raspy voice so close to me.

"beomgyuithinki'minlovewithyou." - there it is. i said it.

"what?" - he laughs while looking confused.

after taking a deep breath, i repeat it. this time slowly - "i think i'm in love with you. i have been for so long."

a little pause... i can do this!

"you don't need to respond to it. you don't even need to love me back. i know you only see me as your friend, probably like a little sister. but, i can't hold it any longer. i just love you so much, beomgyu-" i'm interrupetd by his kiss.

it takes a minute to understand what is happening. but when i do, there's no reason to hold myself back anymore. i want him, i need him.

the kiss is intense, almost like we're battling for see who can takes full control. he picks me up and i tangle my legs around him.

we are running out of breath but we can't stop. all feelings are been spill out. finally, after years of holding back, i can say how much i need him. even if it's just through a kiss.

the beach waves are cold but his body is so warm. beomgyu keeps hypnotizing me with his lips, with his body, with his hair, with his everything

i don't want this moment to end. i want to engrave the way his lips feels on mine. the way his strong arms are hugging me so tight, almost telling me to never run away. i want to scream to the whole world how much i love him.

"i love you, y/n. i'm yours. my love, my heart, my body. i'm all yours."

♡ a/n: it's my first time writing a fic longer than i actually do. idk if it's good since i've never done it b4. but, i really hope u like this valentine's day special. <3

i tried to mix a little with my personal favorites. also tried to use a different style of writing, but i think it didn't change much lol. anyhow, always remember, luvies: ILYSM!! 💗

do not repost it.

#💋glettrs.©#txt #tomorrow by together #txt fic #txt fluff #txt x reader #txt aus #choi beomgyu #beomgyu #beomgyu fic #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu aus

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nyahkmenrah · 17 days

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Plural nation, I feel like sharing my experiences as a fictive that formed in childhood. This will be a bit long so I’ll put it under the cut. And NATM nation, idk if this will interest you but if you want to know what being a fictive of Ahkmenrah is like, feel free to read :).

For a little background, I’m one of the oldest alters we know of. There’s a few before me, but I was among the first 5. I split sometime shortly after the release of the 2nd movie so in 2009. The body would have been 7ish. Prior to that, the first movie we didn’t catch in cinemas, but we did have it (totally legally) on a USB that we watched religiously. So NATM was very much a childhood movie for the whole system.

My first memory is sometime after the movie was released and we saw it in cinemas, we’d gotten some of the happy meal toys. I so vaguely remember holding the Octavius on the squirrel toy, the way it felt and the smell of the McDonald’s playground. I pushed it down the slide, watched it go flying off the end (rip Octavius I just fucking launched you). Later that day I remember taking our sisters toy, the Easter island head one and sitting at the coffee table with it.

The next thing I remember clearly is climbing on a rope climbing frame and drinking a juice box with some cousins (I eventually found actual pictures of this in a photo album, we unknowingly caught one of my first proper fronts on camera). I was definitely a kid back then, I’d split in the mind and body of a child and I acted accordingly.

But those two early memories I have, I didn’t actually know who I was yet. I hadn’t really realised that I wasn’t in my own body and world yet. I was just focused on being a kid I suppose, I’d been pulled to the front to play, to have fun and distract from everything else going on at the time. But I remember the moment I realised who I was so, so clearly.

I was sitting in front of our old, boxy TV in purple winter pyjamas, watching the first movie again. And when on screen pulled the wraps off my face and start talking, something just clicked. That’s me, that guy on TV, that’s me. I remember being really confused, but I was still in a kids body and it was late at night so I guess we were just too tired to really react much. But I went to bed that night suddenly aware that I was too short, and too young, not a boy in this body, my eyes were the wrong colour, my skin was the wrong shade etc.

No joke only a few weeks later, the host went on a school camp. That camp is significant because it’s what influenced our headspace. The host had so much fun and loved that camp so much the brain basically copied the layout and made a proper headspace with it. THAT was when I actually got to interact with the other alters we had at the time, got to see myself in the right body internally and kind of pieced together why I was here and what had happened.

I’m the one that would front whenever the others were too stressed or tired. I was a protector in a way, I stopped us from getting too overwhelmed by coming to the front to play or isolate depending on what we needed at the time. I started to become a very prominent system member as we got to be an older kid. I was the one who got us obsessed with Hello Kitty and bought the history books home from the school library, I was the one who’d always suggest NATM as the sleepover movie, I was the one who helped pick the dining room decor when we moved (it’s ancient Egyptian art obviously). I was subconsciously trying to make the environment around me more familiar to me, more fun and relaxing by doing things I enjoyed.

Exomemories started to develop as we got into the preteen years I’d say. I was suddenly recalling things that happened to my character in an almost first person way. The same way you recall an event that happened in your childhood. It’s distant, you know it happened but you can’t picture it well. The more the host (and I) explored fandom spaces and the third movie had come out by then, the more I started to remember. I think us being older and able to have more complex brain functions paired with the hyperfixating on my source was what kicked off the brain forming exomemories. But it was around this time I started to really realise that I’m not real.

I am, Ahkmenrah the introject is. But Ahkmenrah the character, isn’t. Ahkmenrah is a pharaoh that isn’t real, made for the movie franchise. He’s fictional and yet, I’m him. All these people I remember and care for, they’re fictional too. I’m just a brain function with the personality of the fictional pharaoh, and I’ll never see my friends and family again because they’re now even real. That whole identity crisis kind of fucked me up for a bit. And the oncoming gender fuckery didn’t help either. I always knew I was bodily male and fronting in an AFAB body, but the realisation that I didn’t really mind it is what gave me an oh shit moment. In the end I just settled on demiboy adjacent, but that was a whole trip to go through.

By the teenage years, I’d grown up, the body had grown up and the host was becoming aware of the system. The co host was the first one to talk to them, but I was close behind. It was an odd feeling, I was talking to this person I’ve shared a body with for years. Someone who’s talked to me under the assumption I was just a daydream they were having for years. We know practically everything about each other but we’re just now formally meeting. My role had kind of shifted by now, I more held onto childhood memories and interests. But I’ve always been a rather frequent fronter, so I was one of the alters who helped the host explore the system as a whole more during the system awakening.

And then finally, as an adult in a now adult body who understands plurality and why I’m here the way I am, I can honestly say that I don’t mind being a fictive. Yes it has its downsides, the identity issues, the exotrauma, the not matching the body etc. but I was put here for a reason. As a child, the host saw my character and thought ‘they can help me. I can trust them’. And I split to help, to have fun and handle stress by unwinding and having alone time. I’m here because I was seen as someone who was strong enough to get through something difficult and I made out out the other side. I care for the system, they’re my family, my lovers, my friends. And I know that if they were to meet my sourcemates, all of them would get along with each other amazingly.

I have two found families, my sourcemates and my system. Being fictive isn’t so bad, because at the end of the day I’m here because a child looked at me and thought ‘he can help me’. And I did, I’m glad the host trusted me to help them.

#oh boy this is a ramble #endo safe #fictive blog #introject blog #introject #fictive #plural things #plural blog #just system things #multiple system #system blog #system #multiplicity #osdd #alters #plural system

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ritahayworrth · 4 months

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i'm curious, what were your paranormal experiences like? if you can share

this is long and rambly because i love to overshare 🖤 so putting it all under a read more

for the premonition/dream thing it has been just those deja vu moments, where i dream like a few seconds of something happening from my pov and like it just happening

one of the places my family and i lived in was a super haunted apartment compound, and although we had our unit blessed, my parents and my aunt still felt things~ enough so that my parents decided to move because of yeah... i personally didn't notice anything because i was three when we lived there except when the people moved out of the creepy big house at the complex, and they left the doors open and my neighbor-friend(?) who was older than me and i went in and found a passageway that led to her family's living room (her family lived next door to the big house so maybe it's not that weird). there was also this big balete tree on the compound, and one day the landlord had the stringy bits of the tree cut, and suddenly people on the compound started getting sick, including everyone in my family except me for some reason??! (it's just weird because we all used to sleep in one room together)

and speaking of balete trees, tbh a lot of my ghost sightings could be disputed since like they happened when i was a kid, but the one i know for sure was real was that i saw HER! *the white lady of balete drive* it was on the way home from dinner one night, and i saw like white whisps in the form of a figure in a dress floating on the sidewalk that disappeared under the light of a street light. and for years my dad would say that it was a figment of my imagination to not scare me but i knew he saw her too, we all did (except my younger brother was too young at that point to remember it) and it was only in the past few years my dad finally admitted to me that he had seen her too

the townhouse complex we moved to after the haunted apartment compound was also haunted, and things also happened in our unit but again i didn't notice anything there. but my neighbor-friends and i definitely saw shadows through the windows of unit 13 which was empty the whole time we lived there like multiple times, and honestly there were just a lot of random shadows everywhere there

the school i went to for most of my childhood also used to be on a haunted campus (and it was down the street from the haunted apartment compound!), and there were a lot of stories going around there (the main one being that the school used to be a house and used to belong to woman named rose who died falling down the stairs...) but the only really weird thing that happened to me was one late afternoon on the playground my friends and i heard someone call my name from across the outdoor basketball court and it sounded like one of our other friends but it couldn't have been her because she took the school bus home and so always left early.

anyway that's all i can remember rn i'm not sure if there are anymore

#is deja vu the dream one or is it that other one i can never remember the name of #anyway the way i am writing this at night when the only other person in the house is my older brother....i am literally being so brave rn #also i haven't really had many experiences since i was a child #i think it's because after the townhouse we moved to an area that's not [as] haunted #asked and answered #personal

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footballerimaginess · 1 year

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Having a boyfriend

credit to @alwayspirminschwegler for the gif! Baby Series 3.0 4. Having a girlfriend/boyfriend Kevin Trapp Word Count: 464 “Daddy, daddy, daddy” your little girl Lina ran out of school to Kevin who was picking up her from school. Standing in the school playground as she ran straight into Kevin’s arms as he grabbed her as tightly as he could.

“Did you have a good day today baby?” he asked as he picked up her school bag as she skipped to the car. “Yes” she smiled as Kevin opened the car door as she jumped in, buckling her seat belt in as he made his way home. “Let’s go in” he turned around as he got out her out of the car as she ran to the front door. “So let’s get shoes off, snacks out and we can watch some films together before Mama comes home from work okay?” Kevin suggested as LIna peeled her shoes off. “Barbie films, barbie, barbie, barbie” Lina screams in excitement as Kevin sighed under his breath at the thought of watching yet another barbie movie with his daughter. Kevin got some snacks and sat down with Lina as she snuggled under his arm into a comfy position. As the start of the film was always adverts, Kevin wanted to find out more about her day. “So what did you do today at school?” he asked her before popping a square of chocolate into his mouth. “work, played outside and we had lunch. Saw my boyfriend” Lina casually relayed her day to Kevin. “What, sorry?” Kevin coughed, taking his breath away with her response. “a boyfriend, Joshua. We are married” Lina replied, with the biggest grin on her face. “Oh right, that is a bit of a shock. Does Mummy know about this?” he asked as Lina shook her head. “I would have liked to come to the wedding, maybe we can meet Joshua one day” Kevin smiled as the movie was about to start. - As soon as you come home, you could see Kevin was anxious after spending the afternoon with his daughter. “You okay?” you asked as you cuddled him in the kitchen. “Did you know our daughter was married?” he asked as he laughed, you stepped back from the cuddle, taking in what he just said to you. “Oh, no I didn’t. What’s his name?” you asked. “Joshua” he smirked as Lina came in and hugged your legs. “I’m just hearing about your boyfriend, he sounds nice” you crouched down as you grabbed hold of Lina for a cuddle. “He is, i love him mummy” you heart melted at this childhood crush/relationship she had going on. “Oh darling, this is so cute. I can’t wait to meet him one day” Lina nodded in excitement as she skipped off. “Growing up so young” Kevin replied. “They really do” you smirked, jokingly wiping your eyes.

#baby series 3.0 #kevin trapp imagine #kevin trapp x reader #football imagine #football imagines #football one shot #football one shots #futbol imagines #football x reader #futbol imagine

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peachychilvary · 2 months

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Memoir

My Story From Childhood to Adulthood

Hello, everyone, every two, every three! Good morning, afternoon, and evening to you all. This is your beautiful girl, Berlyn U. Armas. Sometimes, I hear people talk about my surname because it's ARMAS, which means gun or weapon. They find it unique, which is true; I haven't even met someone with the same surname as mine in my entire 18 years of living; even at school, I don't have a similar surname with anyone. Well, yes, I am 18 years old. I was born on January 23rd, 2006. I was born at Mactan Hospital in Lapu-Lapu City. My favorite colors are red and black. I know black is a shade, not a color; you don't have to nag at me. ☹️ but yes, I love black and red—not bright red, but dark red. I lived in Camella Home, Bankal Lapu-Lapu City, Cebu, Philippines.

This is my memoir from childhood to adulthood. I am not even sure if I am now grown up because he once told me I am still his baby. I don't even have a boyfriend or an ex-boyfriend. I am NBSB, which means NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH. Do you know why? in view of the fact that I am scared of commitment and that my parents will not allow me to be in a relationship. But I have been in a lot of situations. I remember when I was in 8th grade, I entertained that one boy in our school because he kept messaging me, and one time my brother suddenly saw my phone and saw our conversation. My brother told my parents about it, and they scolded me for being a rock head. But right now, I am ready to commit to the right person. I am still waiting for the right person. I don't know why they don't want to talk to me or approach me; I don't even bite. I guess they don't want the right person, then. Well, it's their loss, not mine. And one thing I am very picky about when it comes to boys is that I always make sure they are willing to take the risk of whatever happens. I am a good person, and I have a kind heart. I treat everyone with a good personality 🤡. This is not a cap, I swear😌.

When I was a kid, I was always full of curiosity and energy. I loved exploring the outdoors, climbing trees, and getting lost in my own imaginary worlds. I remember playing with my childhood friends back then. We would play every four hours in the afternoon until our parents would come to our playground to pick us up just to go home. I also remembered when I accidentally punched my brother when we were little. I have no idea why I did that to him, but he cried after I punched him. When I was in 2nd grade, there was gymnastics training in our school gym, and as I watched it every day, I became more interested in entering gymnastics. I told my mother about it, and she supported me and let me join the sport of gymnastics. As I train every day, my coach sees my potential and says I can join any competition because of the improvement of my skills. As time went by, I became more interested in entering every competition. Sometimes I will receive awards, sometimes not; it depends.

In the seventh grade, I discovered that I have a passion for dancing. By the time I reached the eighth grade, I eagerly joined a dance troupe within our school, taking center stage at every event and earning recognition from everyone on campus. The connections I forged during these experiences led to a lot of friends that enriched my school life. However, as I reached the ninth, the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic brought about unforeseen challenges. Because of COVID-19, the government has decided that all students will take online classes and modular classes during this time because of the virus, so the students will not get infected and to secure their health. At the time I graduated from high school, I graduated with honors, and I am so proud of myself, even if I faced challenges during my 10th grade, together with family problems and financial problems. Even so, I didn't let that affect my academic success. My parents are very proud of me. Despite these shifts, my determination to pursue both academic excellence and my love for dancing remained undeterred.

As I entered senior high school, the government allowed the schools to have face-to-face classes again. I decided to choose the ABM strand. I don't know why I chose that strand; I just did. During this time, I met new friends and also joined the dance troupe at our school. Yes, I passed the audition that time. If our school held an event, we also had to practice for the intermission number. I also joined the SSG organization in our strand to lead and guide the students. I still strive for academic success and have started to join school activities to represent our section and the ABM department. As I grew older, I noticed that I became more competitive whenever we had a dance competition at our school. I feel disappointed in myself whenever we can't achieve that championship because I always think that maybe I didn't do better, or maybe I should have done it better.

Growing up was an incredible journey filled with unforgettable moments. Each day brought new discoveries and opportunities for growth. Whether it was trying new hobbies, making mistakes, or facing challenges, I embraced it all with a sense of wonder and excitement. Growing up taught me valuable lessons about resilience, empathy, and the importance of staying true to myself. Looking back, I cherish those memories and the person they shaped me into today. I will also thank my parents for supporting and taking care of me. Lastly, I also thank God, who always guides me and gives me never-ending blessings.

#empowerment technology #childhood #adulthood #branding

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osonlinediary · 4 months

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oh my god why was the summer of 2019 my peak.

it was the summer before i started highschool. i was dating my first girlfriend lexi but also had that weird situation with winnie, my best friend at the time.

sneaking away from our camp counselors and making out with lexi in the pots and pans closet at the old middle school before it was torn down. holding hands and braiding her curly dark hair with my straight golden brown. we would pick buttercups in the overgrown track field and hold them under each others chins to create a shimmery glow that would reflect off the others eyes, little yellow rings in out pupils. we explored each others mouths, legs intertwined with one another’s while watching mean girls which her mom later scolded her for watching without adult supervision.

then there was winnie, the girl i walked home from school with everyday and whose house i practically lived in. we would bike to the nearby italian ice joint, cross the street to the playground and then bounce too high on the seesaw, making us barf. the parents of all the little kids would give us dirty looks, of course, we were five foot nothing fourteen year olds playing on equipment that for us had expired two years prior. but we didn’t care. we were just kids.

then, just as suddenly as it started, the summer came to an end. winnie was moving to california to be with her dad and i had to say goodbye to my childhood best friend. lexi and i would finally go to the same school, but things didn’t last long after that. we had no classes together and she, being the lovely bubbly person she was, made a whole new friend group almost immediately. i was left with a few mutual friends of winnie and i but things were never the same.

lexi and i officially ended things once covid hit and her dad got a job offer in nevada. i knew that because of the travel restrictions and her lack of communication it wouldn’t last long distance.

with winnie we planned to visit each other on holiday breaks, to call at least five times a week, and to send each other letters and stupid friendship bracelets in the mail. but what stupid little fourteen year old me didn’t know is that evening we said goodbye, late august air hanging low and cicadas screeching in the trees as we spoke, would be the last time i ever saw her.

anyway, it’s one in the morning and i have my last class tomorrow at 9 before i officially go on winter break. to whoever is reading this, (probably nobody), i hope you have a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year!

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purplecrkl · 1 month

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(Wrote this two years ago and never posted it. Now that I have free time, I want to practice writing again!! I have no idea where this was going, but it’s my first time writing something, so hopefully it makes some sense 💀)

Also I pictured Daniel as Aaron Taylor Johnson from that one BLACK AND WHITE AD URGH 😩 #freeATJ 😔✊🏼

—————————————————

(10 years earlier)

“Tell me to stay. Tell me, if I choose to walk away, you will never speak to me again. Tell me I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. Tell me-“

“Tell me you know how to start a sentence without using ‘tell me’, right?”

“Tell me you’re an asshole without *telling* me you’re an asshole. How’s that?” I say back. Daniel, unfazed by remark, reaches for a pillow on my bed, hurling it at the side of my head. Carefully dodging the laptop showing the unfinished script of my latest story.

“I’m just saying, you’re reaching. I mean come on, no one actually says this stuff. Let alone out loud in an airport. Imagine the looks you’d get if we held up the line like that at Heathrow. I’d barely have time to spit the second line out before security kicked us out. Not to mention the ‘No Fly List’ we’d be put on, and rightfully so.”

This has been our routine since we met in 8th grade. Now, both in college, Daniel remains the only person I share my stories with. The path to becoming a screenwriter is long and treacherous but Daniel had always been supportive of my dreams. If there was anything I could count on him for, it was his brutal honesty. He would never tell me what I wanted to hear, and was always careful to reel me in whenever I was too harsh on myself.

While I wrote, Daniel would sketch quietly on my bed. He had dreams of becoming an architect and could talk my ear off about the ingenuity of various finite materials, how brutalist architecture is his least favourite style and why he’d move to Japan in a heartbeat because timber burnt houses had proven to increase the lifespan of its tenants.

Truthfully I think his desire to create a home that stood the test of time had to do with the fact he hadn’t experienced one himself. Mr and Mrs Keating weren’t bad people per se, they were just bad parents. Daniel didn’t remember much about his childhood. Bringing up the past never bode well for him. A feat Daniel was cruelly reminded of when he was asked to recall his favourite part about his seventh birthday at school the next day.

“My Lego bike”, he said proudly.

“And when I saw daddy kissing mummy in the library.”

The kids in his class let out a chorus of ‘ews’, whilst sneaking glances at who they’d declare their love for in the playground later that day.

Mrs Keating apparently cherished that moment too, going as far as giving it its own highlighted section in the divorce papers she served Mr Keating with the following weekend. A memory she would have no recollection of, if it weren’t for Daniel’s reminder. And after both parties agreed to sell the house, cashing in a hefty cheque large enough to erase 7 years of marriage, Daniel had barely managed to pack his favourite toys before he was waving goodbye to the house he grew up in. To hell with that library, he thought.

Though I didn’t know him back then, anyone could have guessed using your child to communicate the failings of the other parent; then shipping him off to boarding school when he refused to choose a side would end in serious emotional unrest in said kid. To this day, Daniel refuses to subject himself to any notion of love in fear of repeating his parents mistakes.

“God, I cannot wait for the day Daniel Keating confesses his undying love in the middle of an airport” I say, while crawling my way into the space beside him. A loud scoff erupts from his chest and it’s my favourite sound I’ve heard all day. But then it’s silent for a beat too long and I’m afraid I’ve offended him with such a preposterous idea. Daniel, capable of love? Ha.

In a second he’s up on his feet, pacing the room with my laptop in hand. He studies my script for a few seconds and it takes all I have to not stare at him too long. But it’s Daniel Keating. And in the last six years I’ve known him, I’ve stolen enough glances to confidently recite every part of him in my sleep.

Almost, every part.

A quiet chuckle brings me back and I’m scared he’s finally caught me staring this time. He hasn’t. And although it’s impossible to see anything beyond the dark cesspool of cocoa in his eyes, I still catch that devilish glint when he stalks towards me.

“Tell me to stay Lex,” he says.

If his head full of curls weren’t brushing against his ears, I’m sure he would’ve heard my heart stop.

“Tell me you’ll never speak to me again, if I choose to walk away.”

That’s impossible, I want to say. You could walk away a million times and I’d welcome you back a million and one.

Daniel reaches me on the bed and I’m certain if I don’t take a breath in the next second my respiratory system will take ‘you’ll never speak to me again’ quite literally. Does Heaven give out ‘do-overs’ for misunderstandings like this? It’s not like I meant to stop breathing. Blame the boy currently intertwining my hand with his.

“Tell me, I’m making the biggest mistake of my life Lex.”

He cups my cheek, and I wonder if he’s noticed I’ve come undone in the palm of his hand. I wonder if he knows everything I’ve written up to this point has been about him.

About us.

I’m certain I’ve stopped breathing. But I’m not worried. There are worse ways to go out, than having Daniel Keating here with me, like this. So with my hand in his right, and my heart in his other, I make a vow right then and there. To love him with everything I have.

Daniel.

I will love you when you stay.

I will love you if you choose to walk away.

But most importantly, I will continue to love you even if it turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life.

And it is.

#my writing #writers on tumblr #aaron taylor johnson #wattpad #ao3 #first draft

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meetmypointlessaddiction · 9 months

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So It's Gonna Be Forever

Summary: Joel Miller and Emily Harper have been best friends since 2nd grade and at the end of freshman year become something more. Will they last or will their new label ruin it all. OR Joel Miller gets some lovin' because god knows he deserves it.

Chapter 3

Warnings: Mentions of rough childhood and some violence between father and son but that isn't for another few chapters.Mentions and allusions to smut but never actually turns into smut.

I understand that this might not be everyone's cup of tea so if it's not for you, just don't read.

If there's anything that is possibly triggering that I haven't mentioned in the warnings please let me know as this is not beta'd and it is very possible that I've missed something.

Warnings🏷: Bit of violence between Joel and his dad and mentions abusive relationships.

Series Masterlist

Wordcount: 3459 words

Joel and Emily had met when they were 7 years old at a playground in their neighbourhood. Emily’s family had moved from a different neighbourhood and the girl was determined to make new friends. Joel’s mother had taken him and Tommy to the playground and, while Tommy was more than happy with toddling around with some of the other kids, Joel preferred to sit on the grass under the tree, humming to himself.

“Hi, I’m Emily.” Joel looked up from the picture he had drawn with a stick in the dirt and frowned. “What’s your name?”

“Joel.” He mumbled and Emily sat down next to him.

“What’cha drawin’?” She asked and Joel smiled slightly.

“A castle from one of the books my mama read to me and my brother.”

“I like castles too. We should play castles.” She announced and Joel frowned.

“You can play castles?” Emily nodded and Joel smiled. “I’ll play if you teach me.” He tried and Emily nodded again.

“Me and you can be the prince and the princess and your brother could be one of our knights.” She explained and Joel shrugged, taking her outstretched hand and following him to the climbing frame.

From then on, Joel and Emily would always sit under that same tree and plan out their next game, their mothers getting closer as they saw their kids getting closer. Tommy joined in a lot too, Emily often promising to let him be the knight and go off pretending to fight off some of the ‘enemies’ that were just poor unsuspecting kids on the swings.

Eventually, Joel and Tommy would be taken to the Harper’s house every other weekend for playdates and for both Carol and Maria to talk to someone that wasn’t their husbands or the moms that gossiped on the school yard. Occasionally, Joel’s father would join them but the night would only end sour when Maria advised that another beer wasn’t wise and then he would flip and decide that their night of fun was over, dragging both Tommy and Joel kicking and screaming back into his truck.

Even now, Jerry and Carol would never forget the look of pure terror on Maria’s face whenever Richard would storm over to the boys and demand they put on their shoes and coats and head out to the truck. Deep down, there had always been a sneaking suspicion that Maria wasn’t as ok with her marriage as she pretended she was but nobody dared bring it up, not wanting to upset her and possibly scare her off.

Joel knew his father had a violent streak after he saw him squeezing his mother’s wrist a little too tightly after she had politely hugged Jerry goodbye and left a kiss on his cheek. After that day, his twelve year old self vowed that he would try his best to make sure she never got hurt by him and that he kept Tommy safe when his mother couldn’t. When his mother died, Joel took Tommy and they received the comfort they needed from Emily and her parents, Richard running off to a pub to drown out whatever sorrow he had in beer.

At that point, Joel and Emily had only been together for a few months but she didn’t hesitate to do whatever she could to help him find a bit of normality. Now, almost three years since he asked her to be his girlfriend, she was dragging him over to her house in order to celebrate his birthday, Tommy trailing behind them.

“Emily, I swear to God. It ain’t a big deal and I have work tomorrow.” He groaned but she just shook her head.

“Cancelled it. Rick was very understanding.” She said sarcastically and Joel scoffed.

“Highly understanding my ass. Why is it so important to you anyway?”

“Your eighteenth is sort of a big deal to me, Joel. To my mom and dad too. I know your shitty father probably doesn’t even know what today is but we do so we’re celebrating in the best way we could.”

“I don’t think your parents want to be there for that, sweet cheeks.” He teased and she slapped his chest, rolling her eyes.

Carol and Jerry had prepared a meal for Joel, one they knew his mother used to make for him and Joel choked on his tears. “She always tried to teach me how to make this but my shitty cooking could never handle it.” He joked and Emily shuffled further into his side, all of them sat on the couch after the dishes had been put away.

“Well, there’s a few things for you to open.” Carol pushed but Joel shook his head.

“You guys didn’t have to get me anything. Hell you’ve already given me the best birthday present I could ask for. You don’t have to waste your money on me.” Joel tried but they all shook their heads.

“It ain’t a waste if it’s going to someone who deserves it. Catch, this ones from me and Jerry.” Carol threw him a packaged bow and Joel opened it, grinning when he saw the guitar polishing equipment and repair kit.

“How’d you know?” He asked with a slight smile and they shrugged.

“Everytime we ask you to play, a cloud of dust follows the music.” Emily pointed out and Joel pinched her side, pouting.

“This ones from me.” Tommy passed Joel another present and Joel raised his eyebrows as he revealed a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

“Now who the hell did you rob to get the money for somethin’ like this?” Joel asked with a smile and pulled his brother into a tight hug.

“Drugs. Really gets the cash rollin’ in.” Tommy teased and Joel shoved his palm into Tommy’s head.

“Well, time for mine I suppose.” She handed him her present and he smiled as he saw the many music CDs she had bought for him. A few Linda Ronstandt CDs and then some country music as well as some other bands and artists that she knew he liked.

“Thank you baby.” He muttered before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. A clear of her father’s throat made him pull away and Emily rolled her eyes, glaring at her father.

“Thank you, all of you. I appreciate it a lot.” Joel said and smiled, pressing another kiss to Emily’s temple before Carol stood.

“Actually, there’s one more gift. Now, I’ll let you open it first and then I’ll explain.” Joel frowned in confusion as Carol handed him a box and an envelope. Joel opened the envelope and pulled out a letter, handwriting neat but blotches laid across the page.

My darling,

If you’ve been given this, it probably means that the worst has happened. I never wanted to have to write this but I know that they doubt I’ll make it a few more months nevermind a few more years. I want you to know that I’ll always be proud of you Joel and that I love you very dearly. Truth is, I’m scared to die, not because I’m scared of what comes after but because I’m scared of what will happen to my boys. When you were 12 years old, your lips still sore from where your father had hit when he threw the football at you, you promised to always keep me and your brother safe and I know that you’ve kept your promise and I know that you and Tommy will always have each other, no matter what. Now, I’m scared I’ll run out of paper to write both you and Tommy a letter so I better get to the point and hope that you just know how much I love you. Inside the box is a watch that was given to my grandfather when he turned eighteen and passed down to my father. He wanted to give it to his oldest grandson which just so happens to be you. When you and Emily eventually give me a grandbaby, I know you tried to hide it but I saw you both sneaking out of the back door a few nights ago. I want you to give it to them on their 18th birthday and give them a million and one kisses from me.

I approve of her, Joel. She’s good for you and I know you love her, even if it will take you a while to admit it to her. I love you so so much and wish I could have been there for your special day today and see just how happy you and Tommy are. Never forget how special you are baby, love you always and forever,

Your mama

Joel stared down at the paper in his hands and noticed the tears that had joined his mothers on the page. He folded the paper and tucked it into his wallet before picking up the box and unwrapping it. He took the watch out of the box, turning it over in his hands to see the engravings on the back of the face. In tiny writing, there read three names.

Logan T. Moore

Thomas J. Moore

Joel M. Miller

Joel clipped the watch onto his wrist, the metal clasp a stark contrast to the warmth of his skin. “You okay?” Emily asked gently and Joel nodded, pulling her closer to him and pushing his face into her hair.

“I love you, so fucking much.” He choked out and she smiled while he turned to look at Carol and Jerry. “Thank you, for everything. You practically took me and Tommy in and then you do all this for me and Jerry got me a job. I don’t know what I’ll do to make it up to you but I’m gonna try my damn hardest.”

Joel was embraced by both Carol and Jerry before he hugged Emily again, settling down on the couch as Jerry flipped on the TV. “Now, I know we ain’t got many films but this one used to be a fan favourite.” As the opening credits of the movie started playing, Emily bundled herself up in the blanket had pulled down from the back of the couch and squeezed the hand that she was holding on her inner thigh.

“I love you.” Joel leant down to whisper into her ear. Now that the words had finally been said, he decided that he needed to tell her at every possible moment, needing to make up for all the times he hadn’t said it back.

“I love you too.”

When the movie had ended, Tommy thanked them for dinner and headed up to the spare room while Jerry headed to the bathroom. Carol stayed sat down and Emily caught her eye. Joel had fallen asleep half way through the movie, the emotional events taking a bigger toll on him than he had expected. “Can I speak to you, once Joel is in bed?” Carol asked and she nodded, smiling tiredly.

“Joel. C’mon baby, let’s go to bed.” Emily nudged him and Joel opened one eye before huffing and closing it again, gaining a small laugh out of both Emily and Carol. “C’mon cowboy, go sleep in a real bed.”

“You comin’?” Joel huffed and Emily nodded.

“Yeah, I’m comin’ up right behind you, Joel.” Joel nodded and smiled dopily at Carol before heading up the stairs.

“What d’you wanna talk about?” Emily asked, turning to her mother after watching Joel up the stairs.

“Well, we know Joel and Tommy don’t exactly get along with their dad, and me and your father know that, since Maria passed away, they haven’t exactly had a great summer break and your grandparents have offered us the lakehouse again for two weeks so-.” Emily grinned.

“I’ll talk to him about it. I’m sure he’ll say yes, Tommy will want to anyway.” Emily added and Carol just nodded.

“Well, you let us know what he says honey.” Emily nodded, kissing her mother on the cheek before walking into the bathroom to brush her teeth and then into her room where Joel was laid in a pair of sweatpants, starfishing the bed. “Hey, move over to your side, fat ass.” Emily teased, pinching his ass cheek.

“What took you so long? I’m cold.” Joel whined and Emily laid on her side of the bed, wriggling slightly to get comfortable.

“Just talking to mom, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Months passed by, Joel and Tommy spending their Christmas break with the Harpers and, as March drew to a close, Joel realised just how close he was to officially leaving school and was making it his life’s mission to annoy Emily with his knowledge.

“Joel, baby. I love you, I really do, but if you mention how close we are to graduating school one more time, I will not hesitate to fucking kick you out of my bed.” Emily groaned one afternoon when she and Joel had been going over their workbooks.

“Sorry.” He muttered and rested his head on his arm as he almost face planted the bed. “I got a call from my grandma a few days ago.” Joel whispered, almost like it was a secret.

“Your mom's mom?” Emily asked, shocked and Joel nodded.

“She wanted to see me and Tommy and I didn’t promise him anything because I didn’t want him to get his hopes up. Point is, they had a proposal for me.” Emily looked at him and he smiled.

“You know that house on Fairway, the one that never has anybody living in it?” Emily nodded and Joel grinned. “Turns out it belongs to my grandparents and they want me to have it, they promised my ma that, as soon as I was old enough to have the deeds signed over, I could have it. They set a meeting up with some lawyer or something and, before the end of this year, the house should be mine.”

“Joel, that’s great baby. Your own house, a proper job. How the hell am I meant to top that?” Emily joked and Joel looked at her sincerely.

“What if you moved in with me?”

“What?” Emily asked, wondering if he was joking.

“When your dad found out about me and you, his only request was that I looked after you. Baby, I’ll be working full-time, not just stupid hours at the garage, I’ll have a house that I’ll only need to pay for water and electricity. Course, I’ll have to find a way for Tommy to stay with me, I’m sure he could live with my grandma but-.”

“Joel, Joel. Take a step back a second. You’d want me to move in with you?” She asked, her hand resting on top of his.

“Of course I do. I spend the majority of my free time with you, I stay here most weekends and I-. Ok, I don’t expect you to answer me straight away, hell the house hasn’t even been signed to me yet. Think about it, talk to your folks about it and let me know, ok? Even if you just stay a few nights a week, I don’t care. I don’t constantly want to feel like I’m pushing your parents to provide for me and Tommy.”

“You know they don’t mind one bit-.”

“You didn’t let me finish. I don’t want to have to live with my dad anymore and I want to get Tommy out as soon as possible, ok? I don’t want to keep depending on him because it just gives him another reason to keep talking to me and keep thinking he’s my father. Understand?” Emily nodded and Joel leaned over and cupped her jaw, pressing a kiss to her lips and then her nose. “Think about it, we’ve got plenty of time to figure it out, sweet cheeks. Hell, you live with your parents for as long as you want.” He pecked her again before the door swung open and Tommy stood in the doorway.

“You’ll never believe it, Joel.” Tommy cried and Joel frowned.

“What?”

“Grandma turned up at home and confronted dad. Hell, he really wasn’t happy about it but as soon as I saw Aunt Laura’s car I came runnin’ over here. Come on, I wanna-.” Joel was already out of the bed, telling Tommy to stay put and heading out of the door, hopping as he pulled on his trainers and jogged down the street towards his house.

“She left those boys with you and you failed them!” Joel could hear the yelling from outside the house and rushed in, met with the sight of his father standing in front of the counter, face red with anger and his grandmother and Aunt stood across from him, equally as angry.

“She set them up for failure after she fuckin’ babied them all their lives. Can’t play football for shit, can’t throw a punch. Hell, the youngest looks like some fucking girl.” Richard yelled and Joel walked closer.

“Shut up about Tommy or I swear to God.” Joel seethed and all eyes were on him as he stood up straighter, the few centimetres he had over his father making the older man have to look up slightly. “If it weren’t for her, me and Tommy would have been living off of meals from the Harpers but the basic shit she got to teach me means I can make us some breakfast and I can make a few meals here and there.” Silence fell across the room and Joel scoffed.

“Who the hell do you think you are boy? Your mother always said you’d end up with that girl down the road and once you finally get your dick wet, the slut’s mother brainwashes-.” Joel couldn’t comprehend the words before he swung his arm and landed a punch on his fathers jaw.

“Don’t say a word about them, any of them.” Joel was pushing his father slightly and didn’t hear the other footsteps come into the house. “Carol gave me and Tommy food and made sure we had a safe, clean space to sleep.” He shoved his father further backwards, emotion seeping through his words. “Jerry always offered me someone to talk to and has even set me up with a job that’ll see me through til I’m ready to retire.” Joel pushed him again but harder. “And that girl is my fucking girlfriend. She is the one constant that I’ve had since ma died and you ain’t even met her properly. She didn’t care that I was fuckin’ heartbroken, didn’t care that I take Tommy everywhere with me and she sure as hell didn’t when it took me almost three years to admit out loud that I loved her. Where were you for my eighteenth birthday? For Tommy’s fifteenth?” Joel hit his father’s chest and the man’s back hit the wall.

“I’ve spent years holdin’ out a little bit of hope that maybe you’d grow up and turn into the father that you were meant to be. Hell, even after you sent me away and admitted that you didn’t see me as your son, I held out hope. I wanted you to be better, dad. I was rootin’ for you. I cleaned up after you, I made sure there was meds for your hangovers, I kept your kid alive and after all that, you still ain’t got nothin’ good to say about any of us. After all that, you still say that my mama raised me wrong.” Joel clenched his fists and watched as amusement flashed across his father’s face.

“You always were a mama’s boy. Used to sit there and let her read to you and she’d let the pair of you get away with murder.” It almost sounded like his father was reminiscing. “But the bitch never learnt to let you grow up.” Joel didn’t hold back this time, punching him again and again and again until his fist was sore and his father had a bloody nose and was slumped against the wall. Letting all his anger out on him until someone wrapped their arms around him and pulled him away.

“I wanna kill him! Let me kill him! It should have been you!” Joel yells were let out through tears and sobs and he felt himself being held tighter as he tried to fight the grasp of whoever was holding him. He noticed the work boots of Jerry and then it was dark as his head was pressed against the man, turning him away from the person he had to call his father.

“You’re ok, kid. I’ve got ya, you’re ok, Joel.” Jerry muttered into his ear and Joel hit his arms against Jerry’s chest weakly before he felt his legs give out and black clouded his mind.

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#joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x oc #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #joel miller fluff #joel miller series #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel miller the last of us #the last of us #tommy miller #So It's Gonna Be Forever

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girlwaitingforvienna · 1 year

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Under the Bridge

"I'm going to do it!" I whispered.

"Bay, please don't." My best friend Jay said.

"Yeah, just leave him." My other best friend Grace agreed.

We were on the big playground at our elementary school- sitting under the notorious slanted bridge- waiting for one of the teachers to blow the whistle letting us know recess is over. But there were a few minutes left, and a childhood crush of mine was on the other end of the bridge, playing by himself.

I wanted to antagonize him in what I thought was a cute way; by screaming his name and then running away. (Yes, that was my brilliant plan.) I had nothing to lose- except my friends didn't think it was the best "cute" idea.

I should have listened to my friends at the time, I know that now.

Anyways, after shaking off my friends opinions of the matter I got enough courage built up inside of my chest to do it.

I stupidly ran up behind my crush, shouted his name and right after that the whistle sounded.

My two best friends heard the whistle right away. They both took off to get in our lines to wait to get inside.

As for me, I take off into a run immediately after shouting my crush's name and as I am running I have to go under the slanted bridge. I ducked my head and quickly stood up using all of my force- thinking that I had cleared the bridge...but I hadn't.

I made a mistake.

After ducking under the bridge I seemed to have miscalculated when to straighten my back up because I did it too early- causing my head to hit the corner of the metal bridge at full force.

As the top of my head hit the bridge my butt slammed into the ground right afterwards.

In those first few moments- fuzzy black and white stars clouded my vision.

Then, I saw it; blood- lots of it started running down my head and face, and all I could do was hold my head in my hands.

All of the sudden, in horror I realized that my two friends had continued running off towards the building without me. (Not knowing I just hit my head and was bleeding profusely.) In fact, no one else seemed to notice what had happened except for my childhood crush.

Yep.

Imagine the embarrassment! Of sitting in the middle of the playground- having just shouted your crushes name (for no reason), running away, then accidentally slamming your head into a bridge-causing you to bleed a lot- looking like Carrie in the prom scene of the movie Carrie, and the ONLY other person who noticed was the ONE person you wished didn't notice.

I saw him walking slowly in front of me- looking unsure and maybe a bit horrified at my appearance.

All I remember saying was,

"I'm okay, I'm okay. Can you get Jay and Grace?"

Then he nods and runs off and proceeds to tell my friends , and I quote-

"Uhh- soo you know your friend is bleeding out on the playground right?"

Anyways, my 2 best friends run to me- shocked and in disbelief that they didn't even know. While a teacher comes back with a nurse and a wheelchair in tow.

Luckily I didn't need stitches- although I was close to it. The nurse bandaged me up and my mom was called to take me home for the day. At the time, all I knew was that I had just experienced one of the most embarrassing moments in my young little life and I was going to forever be known as the "Girl Who Hit Her Head On the Bridge" that one day at recess.

So why bring up one of these embarrassing moments from your childhood if it was so bad? You might ask.

I'm not sure, but what I do know is that it's amusing to tell and it shows the kind of luck I have had since I was a little kid; and that is shitty luck.

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caelxin · 10 months

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To my childhood best friend, a letter.

I thought your name was ridiculous the first time we met. I hid under my grandmother’s long skirt while you eyed me with childlike curiosity. You are a year older than me, taller and more adventurous than I was. You were like a strict but doting older brother, you often would come get me right after class and make me spend the rest of the afternoon in the small playground of the school. I am often overcome by a warm feeling whenever I think about the sun, slowly setting as we played and played and played. Just me and you.

It was a hot summer day and your parents decided to take us to the zoo. I wandered into the monkey enclosure without you but before I could’ve started crying, you held my hand and ushered me out. You were my protector, my brother from another mother, and my light.

So when you moved away, I was heartbroken. Not a single word from you nor from your parents to mine. I remember that Sunday evening when I was arranging my bookshelves, I saw that one of my comics was missing, and assumed you borrowed it. I didn’t mind, I didn’t care, because I was seeing you tomorrow once again and nothing would ever change. The United States of America is a far away country that my eleven year old mind couldn’t process nor was the fact that my friend who I loved so dearly moved away without ever telling me.

It’s unfair that I did not have the closure you invented for yourself so that you can feel better. I am stuckwondering if I ever did something to hurt you or our friendship. It’s unfair that you get to move on while I don’t. Goodbye.

- To J, from A.

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #poem #poetry #art #friendship #platonic soulmates #on grief #im tired #rant #ranting #childhood friends #goodbyes #you said you loved me #heartbreak

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shopcat · 2 years

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anyway what i was talking about was how the entire town of hawkins has a population of like what. a couple thousand at most? that's nothing. they have known each other their WHOLE LIVES they have known each other since CHILDHOOD they have existed in each other's lives FOR their whole lives and that is the central dynamic to EVERYTHINGGG. like the kids knew who steve was before he was even dating nancy he was "that douchebag steve harrington".. eddie knew who nancy was down to being shocked she had guns because "she's nancy wheeler" because "she's nancy wheeler" is ENOUGH...

they went to SCHOOL TOGETHER the reason steve said barb could come to their kickback too wasn't just to be nice and so nancy had a friend it was because steve and barb have probably done projects together in middle school. also this even extends to like tommy and all that they KNOW each other u can't grow up in a small town in the 70s with fucking nothing to do and one of the coolest places to explore (woods!!! with a lake!!!) and not know every other kid within 3 years of your age range.

and like yeah this extends into hc territory but tbh who cares it's giving background depth u can gather from CONTEXT they didn't just ignore each other their whole lives. they are a group of kids who would go trick or treating together and would play stupid games in the playground like imaginary cats. jonathan and eddie would eat dirt or something carol and nancy would pretend to be fairies and tommy would join in because they were just kids.

and then they grow up and have all these interpersonal dramas and ALSO half of them are fighting monsters and shit and it's just like Augh... we used to explore the woods together looking for bigfoot because jonathan byers said he saw a really big footprint in maths but we got scared when the sun started setting and nancy had to lead us out because she was the only one who knew how to read a compass. steve and tommy probably had to babysit a few of the kids a couple times because they wanted to hang out with the older boys and they wanted the pocket change and it consisted of sitting on the front lawn spraying them with a hose for 3 hours

eddie and jonathan WERE each other's first kisses probably in a stupid spin the bottle at someone's birthday party and steve has had a crush on jonathan since they were 8 and jonathan gave him a handful of sticky gummy bears. robin and nancy have DEFINITELY hung out before considering barb and robin were friends. they are ALL inevitably childhood friends even if they aren't actually friends now that's just what knowing kids since u were like 6 is like!!!!!!! it's insane. to Me. if they were in a new scary situation and recognised each other they would all gravitate to each other naturally that's like 90% of their current dynamic anyway. we've known each other our whole lives and i have no idea who you are.

#sts #🍦#sorry this got long but if i can't say everything i went to say ever i explode into mist #credits to TRINITY for TALKING TO ME about this and saying jedward ate dirt together <3 truth

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storiesofateenager · 11 months

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gender identity

Before School

I was born female, with a super feminine name. Before I was able to dress myself, my parents would dress me in somewhat feminine clothing, but usually not dresses or skirts or anything like that. It wasn't all pink and butterflies either, but they were clothes from the girls' section. However, once I was able to dress myself, I soon came to realize that I didn't care for those kinds of clothes. Ever since then, I felt disconnected from femininity.

I wanted to dress like my brothers, who I hung out with a bunch. My parents never forced me to dress a certain way, so I did end up wearing a lot of neon tshirts and basketball shorts. In my home, it was normal that I acted and dressed this way. I would play baseball and basketball and football with my younger brother in front of our house. We would also play things like cops and robbers, pretended to fight zombies outside with Nerf guns, and played other imagination games like that. I also played a lot of video games with both of my brothers. Playing Call of Duty and Guitar Hero with my brothers was a big part of my childhood.

Outside of the home, though, people often found it strange. I have one memory of one of these situations being on a playground with my siblings as a kid. I was really young, so I obviously hadn't developed the physical traits of a female, and I was wearing a tshirt and basketball shorts, but I did have long hair. There was a mom pushing her young child on a swing. I was standing by the swing waiting for a turn, so the mom took her kid off of it and said, "Come on, let's give the little boy a turn." I promptly said, "Oh, I'm a girl." The mom seemed shocked and said, "Oh I'm sorry, I just thought because of your clothes." I was confused because it was normal to me.

Elementary School

When I was in elementary school, I had a lot of girl friends but I never truly fit in with them. I just wasn't into the stuff that they were into. They wanted to sit and talk at recess. I was running around and playing football and basketball with the boys. They were fashionable and trendy at that age, and I just didn't care about clothes like that. They would pay attention to their hair and check on it during the school day, but I was the girl that just didn't care about my appearance at all. I brushed my hair in the morning and that was it. Basically, I was the big tomboy in my elementary school.

Of course, I still loved being around them and talking to them. They were my friends. Even though I liked doing traditionally masculine things, I got along with girls a lot better because I thought they were funnier and way nicer.

However, there were instances in elementary school where I went through periods of trying out feminine stuff again. I wore a skirt and leggings very rarely and but it felt extremely awkward. People even made comments about my outfits. One specific memory I have of one of these comments was probably around 3rd or 4th grade. I wore a dress on a special occasion, maybe picture day. One of my friends in an older grade saw me in this dress in the hallway and asked me why I was wearing a dress because it was so out of character for me. This was one of the nicer interactions during these spurts of femininity.

During the summer before 5th grade, I got a drastic haircut. One side of my head was shaved, and the other side was about chin length. At the time, this was just something I randomly felt like doing. I didn't have any gender stuff in mind, because I didn't know anything about that yet. I felt like changing things up, so I did. People loved it (or so they said).

Middle School

In middle school, I was pretty much the same as before in terms of expression. I still had my half-shave (although the longer side had begun to grow out a lot more) and wore masculine clothing. A lot of sweatpants, khakis, and hoodies. At this point, I was rejecting femininity so hard that I "hated" the color pink. I was completely out of touch with my feminine side.

Although I was a little bit different than a lot of the other girls, I made friends pretty easily within my first week of 6th grade. I still mostly had friendships with girls and I found most guys insufferable to be around and talk to (lol). These girls were, again, rather feminine and paid a lot of attention to their outfits, hair, and nails. Again, I didn't pay much attention to any of this in myself. My friends never made comments about it because it was so normal to them. However, this is when I really started pondering gender. I knew about transgender people, so I really thought about it. I ended up coming out to my friends as transgender and a boy. But within a couple weeks, I realized that I didn't really feel that much like a boy. It didn't make me comfortable.

I had many moments like this from 6th to 8th grade, wondering if I was a girl or a boy. Those were the only things I knew people could be, so I didn't think of any other option. It didn't really start to change until around 8th grade.

My 8th grade year was weird. First things first, I ended up getting a new haircut because my half-shave was getting boring and I stopped liking it. My hair got cut really short, like a guy's. This is when I realized I was having a lot of body issues. I hated my chest, and it made wearing masculine clothes a real struggle because it never looked how I wished it did. Then, Covid hit. After schools got shut down in March, we started doing online school. I started being on social media a lot more because everything got shut down and there was basically nothing else to do at home (in my mind as a 13 year old). I started learning so much more about gender and sexuality through the internet. I made a bunch of online friends and I started seeing more people's experiences and stories. I learned what "gender non-conforming" and "nonbinary" and "personal pronouns" were. At first though, I still didn't feel like I identified with any of that. I finished 8th grade year still identifying as a girl. Over the summer, I got a binder to help with my dysphoria.

High School

In 9th grade, we went back to school, but only for half the week. Half of the week was in person, half was online. I still had a lot of time at home to ponder my gender. I ended up trying out being a boy again, but I only did this with my close online friends. I didn't "come out" but rather told them I was experimenting. I went by Evan and he/she pronouns for a while. I didn't really like they/them pronouns at the time. In school though, I was still a girl with a feminine name. After a few months of this online experimenting, I realized it didn't make me as comfortable as I thought it might. Instead, I started introducing myself to people with a shortening of my birthname and went by any pronouns. By the end of 9th grade, I was still kind of confused.

Over the summer and into my sophomore year, I really started identifying with nonbinary. I had feminine traits and masculine traits. I stopped pushing away femininity so much in my actions and interests, but I still dressed masculine and had short hair. Although I did start growing it out just a bit. In school, I would introduce myself in classes with the shortening of my name. I started telling people that I went by they/them and I was nonbinary. This was the year that I also came out to my parents in terms of gender. My mom had been having suspicions. When it was time for her to fill out forms for the information on my driver's permit, she asked me whether I wanted an F, M, or X on it as my sex. I told me I wanted the X, and that was it. She didn't question anything or say anything, just wrote it down. She told my dad (which I have no qualms about), and he never questioned it either.

Now, in junior year, I have never embraced myself so much. My parents call me by the shortening of my name, as well as everyone else. People refer to me as they/them. It took my parents a while to get used to, and they still make mistakes, but they always put in effort. Sometimes they forget and say the wrong thing, sometimes they correct themselves, sometimes they get it right the first time. I'm okay with all of that because I know they're trying. I also feel this way about anyone else that makes errors or doesn't understand. I'm always willing to explain what "nonbinary" means and how to use they/them pronouns for someone. I've grown out my hair a bunch, to the point where it's a subtle mullet/shaggy type of vibe. I still bind and wear mostly masculine clothing, but I throw in feminine flair to make it more androgynous (like painted nails, a turtleneck, earrings). I'm much more in touch with all sides of myself and I don't suppress anything in terms of expression. I am unapologetically myself, and I'm so happy with my appearance and who I've become.

Final Thoughts

If you're struggling with your gender identity, there is no shame in experimenting. Have someone you trust try out different pronouns and names on you. Feel it out. It could take a long time, but you will figure it out and find something that makes you comfortable. You might find certain things affirming at some points, and then they could start to make you uncomfortable again. That's okay. But you will find who you are. You won't be confused forever.

If you're young and thinking of coming out but are scared, I understand completely. My situation was very fortunate, but not everyone's is. If your parents have expressed hatred towards transgender people and you think they would be physically harmful to you or would kick you out if you came out, don't do it. It sucks, but your physical safety comes first. If your parents have never really discussed the LGBTQ+ community and you're unsure of how they would react, feel it out. Don't let the focus be on you. Tell them over dinner that someone at school came out as transgender that you didn't expect (don't give a name of anyone you actually know) and see how they navigate that. If it feels unsafe, don't do it. If they seem to be relatively okay with it, come out when you're ready. Even if they aren't fully accepting at first, they will most likely come around eventually, knowing that you're their child and they love you. Above all else though, do it when you're ready. Don't feel like you have to absolutely force yourself when you're not prepared for it.

You are loved, you are strong, you are worthy.

#life experiences #personal #gender identity #gender #nonbinary #genderqueer #transgender #transmasc #lgbtq #teenager #school #personal experiences #advice #coming out #personal story #you are loved

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