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cto10121 · 3 years

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Top R&J Adaptation Pet Peeves

Adaptation is hard. Really, really hard. Shakespeare especially knew it; he was one of the best adapters for theater ever, and he himself adapted R&J from Arthur Brooke’s Tragedie of Romeus and Juliet. Since then Shakespeare’s play itself has been given the adaptation treatment and hooo boy, are there doozies, misses, and fascinating failures. Most are published fanfic flops, like the ones I reviewed for my blog, but others tend to be more complicated than that. So without further ado, let’s dive into the Top Adaptation Pet Peeves I’ve personally encountered, or simply tropes and patterns I find annoying.

The two families/groups not being alike in dignity. Yes, I’m looking at all the productions and adaptations that decide to switch the whole rival houses dynamic for a race or class one. The ones who pit a marginalized group against another marginalized group, like Romiette and Julio (Black/Hispanic respectively) are fine-ish. West Side Story also does this, but unfortunately the whole “white ethnic” gang is no longer a thing now, as most non-WASP ethnic white groups are considered functionally white nowadays, so it does become a problem re: the Puerto Ricans being the underdogs to the white ethnics. Some have done a poor/rich, privileged/marginalized dynamic, but you just can’t do it with R&J; it breaks the equality of the pairing. By far the worst of these is the anime Romeo X Juliet, which had the evil Montagues be the corrupt ruling power who usurped the throne from the Capulets (????). Look, the whole point is that the two groups’ differences are superficial and stupid, and that they are more alike than different. This doesn’t work if one group is favored/discriminated against over another. It also leads to disturbing implications—namely, justifying a dangerous and destructive feud and intergroup violence and hatred in general. Another side effect is that it ruins the mutuality of the lovers by bringing in unequal power dynamics where it isn’t needed.

Juliet as a #girlboss/badass/“strong female protagonist”. Many adaptations do some measure of this by having Juliet resist even the first mention of Paris, talk back to her parents and the Nurse, and, for Gong’s These Violent Delights (Juliette Cai as the dagger-wielding daughter of a gang) and the anime Romeo X Juliet, (Juliet crossdressing as the vigilante the Red Whirlwind) actually kick ass and generally “strong female protagonist”-it up. I think this is largely a reaction to Juliet’s canonically marginalized position as a sheltered 16th century maid, mistaking the passivity and lack of agency of her status as a character trait. As a result, we get CrouchingTigerHiddenDragon!Juliet. Just no. The original Juliet, as everyone should know like their own name, was no shrinking violet, but neither was she a YA/anime shonen dominatrix either, and I feel she wouldn’t be even in an AU. Also, by this point it’s so cliché. Juliet is so well-written as she is; why stuff her into this Katniss Everdeen peg?

Juliet as an immature ~bby. Not so much adaptation!dumb, thank goodness, but I’ve seen this small trend in play productions that take the “Juliet-is-thirteen” thing waaaaaay too seriously and either have a tween-looking actress or make the actress play Juliet a facsimile of what a thirteen-year-old is supposed to be like. I especially will never forget the Orlando Bloom production that had poor Juliet deliver her “Gallop apace” on a swing. Awful.

Mercutio being turned into either 1) wacky, comic relief gay or 2) a mystical/sad tragic gay. Mercutio occasionally gets done dirty in either of those two ways and it’s sad. That French Canadian film Roméo et Juliette is by far the most damning offender of the latter take. I don’t like either trope, and I certainly don’t like it for Mercutio, for whom it doesn’t really fit. Also, I feel it’s important to note that as the Prince’s kinsman Mercutio is the most higher ranked and privileged of the three, his being forced into a “sad, tragic gay” mold feels ludicrous. Even his death comes about because he wanted to avenge Romeo’s honor (or, well, more like he really wanted a fight), not because he was Bury Your Gay’ed. Cocciante’s Giulietta e Romeo musical does something unique and has him as an omnipotent narrator, which works a little better than it should, but overall it’s also a miss. Mercutio is Romeo’s foil and a fun side character; outside of that, it’s hard to make him work without changing his character entirely.

Romeo being turned into 1) an immature woobie/“cinnamon roll,” 2) bumbling hero, 3) a himbo/idiot, or 4) evil (!!). My poor boi has been done the dirtiest in so many different ways, it’s hard to quantify or even name them. They range from flattening his character a little to “romantic idiot” to full-on Ron the Death Eater-ing him (yes, that’s a thing, twice!! See Juliet Immortal et al. Or rather not). The last two are mostly in the realms of salty fanfic, thankfully, but the himbo idiot and woobie still inform some actors’ performances. Needless to say, I hate all of this. Romeo is no idiot, himbo or not, and he is as mature as the rest of the youths (he is at least praised by Capulet as a “portly gentleman”). Canonically he is shown to best Mercutio in a game of wits and explicitly restrains himself from revealing himself at Juliet’s balcony. Act 5 shows him coldly but effectively convincing an apothecary in less than a dozen lines to break the law and sell him poison. I don’t exactly know from what stems this woobification of Romeo. Actually, no, I do. Romeo may be climb high orchard walls, playfully roast his friends, talk about how chastity vows are stupid and hope Juliet would cast off that pesky virginity of hers, and kill two characters all he likes, but as soon as he weeps immoderately over being banished/separated from Juliet and the possibility of her not loving him anymore, he renounces his Man(tm) card. Hello, gender roles-based sexism! God, I hate you so much. Please die.

“It’s a dark, ~crazy world!!! Verona is a violent, crass, tacky, dangerous hellhole!!!” Okay, so this is mostly shade thrown at Baz Lurhmann and the Hungarian version of Presgurvic’s RetJ, (the latter more fondly than the former) but it still disappoints me. The whole “fair Verona” thing aside, I think it’s clear that Shakespeare’s Verona is supposed to be a violent, steamy clusterfuck, but with the veneer of wealth and prosperity and genteel good taste that papers over the cracks. It’s the whole appearance vs. reality thing. I still think French RetJ does Verona best, and fortunately most productions and versions get it as a “quaint pretty small town is actually a hellhole” thing (hell, I think even that Gnomeo and Juliet movie made the suburban lawns nice). I just like the contrast, what can I say?

“Benvolio, Mercutio, Tybalt are more interesting than R&J, let’s make it all about them instead!!!1” This is the weirdest thing, but I think there were some web series (at least one, and no, not Jules and Monty) that literally did this, a weird modern Tycutio AU. But in general, adaptations that overdevelop the feud and the whole Benvolio-Mercutio-Tybalt thing at the expense of R&J are a no-go for me. I like the three and they all have their little crannies of character nuance, but they are less developed and the feud drama less interesting overall than R&J. I also don’t like the ships with any of the three, Bencutio and Tycutio being the most popular set-up. Canonically Mercutio and Benvolio spend most of their time either searching for Romeo or talking about him and how much he’s changed. As for Tycutio, Mercutio disdains Tybalt’s dueling skills and overall they don’t seem to know each other well personally. Both ships have no chemistry with each other and are firmly into fanon territory.

“R&J’s love was like a cinnamon roll, too good, too pure for this world…” Some adaptations, uncomfortable with some of the high-scale eroticism of the lovers, tend towards this. They’re teen sweethearts, high school, if you will, so let’s make them as cute and chaste and ~uwu as possible. Romeo X Juliet tends sickeningly towards this, but that just might be the demure Japanese culture informing the text. But I don’t know. R&J are not exactly horndogs, but they’re not dead either (horny bird metaphor, anyone? Also Juliet’s whole famous I-wanna-bang monologue). It’s secretly condescending too, in that it tries to put down and dismiss R&J as puppy love…puppy love that leads them to an uncompromising position and a double suicide, but okay. Sounds fake, but okay.

“R&J was just lust and it’s kinda their fault, actually—” Nothing will make me loathe your adaptation quicker than this. Fortunately most adaptations know enough not to go that far, but Baz Luhrmann’s version definitely has some of this vibe, along with some forced comedy. Kill it with fire.

#romeo and juliet #cristina metas #rj meta #r&j meta #this is so many decades’ worth of salt #i’ll probably remember others i didn’t talk about

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regrettablewritings · 3 years

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Modern!Jaskier x Reader Ship Meme

Prompts taken from this ship meme

Which one texts like a straight white boy?: Of course it would have to be our resident white boy. It isn’t even that he necessarily means to, there’s just an embarrassing amount of overlap between the messages a straight white boy tends to text, and those of your rising star boyfriend. You’d look more into it if it weren’t for the fact that you know there’s no actual malice in it, and because it’s just so sad that it’s funny. If one were to go into the photos saved on your phone, they would’ve surely come upon an entire album of screenshots you’d taken over the years, from when Jaskier would be on tour without you to when he’d just be resting at home while you were out at work. Things like: “Wat r u up to 2nit, cutie? ;)” “I’m probably just gonna play whatever’s on my Watch Later backlog on youtube until I conk out.” “Wild!!! anyway wat would u do if i was there rn~?” Or “Do u miss me? :(” “Of course I do ya dingus!” “Ok....Can we do a quickie over videochat?” “Jas i’m at the store.” “The point still stands.” Or “Watcha thinkin bout? ;)” “About how The Great Gatsby becoming public domain means there’s nothing stopping anyone from making a drag show interpretation called The Gay Dragsby.” “Aaww w/o me? ;)” “...” “WAIT NO I THOUGT YOU’D SAY YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT ME SHIT NO.” “BUT ACTUALLY DO GO ON IM KINDA INTERESTD.” If it were anybody else, you would’ve blocked them. But this wasn’t anybody else. It was your Jaskier: Your foolhardy, constantly horny, but never-short-of-loving Jaskier. And besides, not for nothing, at least they were something you could get a laugh out of.

Which one cried during a fucking Disney movie?: Once again, Jaskier is the guilty party. It’s no secret that he’s the more emotional of the two of you -- he wore his investment in Titanic with pride, after all. But it is a secret that the particular Disney movie to make him cry was Hercules of all things! Not Bambi, not The Lion King, not even Beauty and the Beast, but goddamn Hercules! (On another note, he also cried to Coco. But that barely counts: Literally everyone and their mother has cried during Coco. The only difference here was that Jaskier could relate to being a young man so in love with music while coming from a family that discouraged the pursuit of it.) This isn’t a knock on anyone who enjoys the movie, mind you, but let’s be honest: Out of the Disney animated canon, Hercules isn’t exactly the most . . . emotionally cathartic or heart-string-plucking of the bunch. But just because it didn’t go out of its way to create a crying frenzy doesn’t mean that it’s lacking in some humanity. It is, after all, still a Disney film. The problem is, Jaskier can’t even quite express why it made him cry the night you both decided to watch it. Maybe it had something to do with a young man most people took as a joke trying to achieve greatness? And to be fair, “Go the Distance (Reprise)” and “A Star is Born” differently when you’ve done some growing . . .

Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?: It only happened once, but you’d never let him live it down. You like to joke that you’d left him to his own devices for just fifteen minutes so that you could take a shower -- of which was completely true -- and that was all he needed for things to go downhill. Nobody wants to think they’d be in the wrong for trusting a 20-something year-old to not be his usually somewhat distractable self. But that particular day, said 20-something year-old decided to occupy that little spot of time to himself with TV and a plate of leftovers. And normally this would’ve been fine and dandy. But normally, Jaskier would’ve just waited for the food to heat before searching for something to watch. It shouldn’t have been too big of an issue that it went the other way around that day, but apparently it was. As much as he wanted to (which honestly wasn’t by much), Jaskier just couldn’t tear his eyes away from the images flashing on the TV. The baby blues were set on the screen the entire while -- up until he heard a faint popping. Followed by a sound he normally only heard in a cheesy sci-fi movie. The problem was, he wasn’t watching anything even remotely science-fiction-y . . . All you were doing when you exited the bathroom was going to grab your lotion. That was literally all you had any expectations for. What you hadn’t expected to come upon was your boyfriend, hollering and diving over the sofa in order to scramble into the kitchen and stop that strange, not-good-sounding sound. Suffice to say, you had to put your shower on hold; it simply had to wait for you to finish fussing, then again for you to finish laughing your ass off. And again because if you entered the shower still laughing, you’d probably slip and break your head open and then Jaskier would have to deal with another possible emergency caused by himself.

Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who?” thing?: You can both be guilty of it, but Jaskier without a doubt does it more. Sometimes he’ll emerge from “his cave” (aka the little nook in the apartment where he likes to mess around and write lyrics or arrangements) on a break and catch an unsuspecting you sitting on the couch or at the dinner table. Other times, it could just be when he comes back from running some errands or doing a quick interview at the local radio station. You don’t mind it much . . . Especially since you can get a rise out of him by purposefully guessing the wrong person. (“Hmmm . . . Could it be . . . my mail-order husband? Boy, that was quick. And all the way from Russia, too . . .” “Uh, no.” “The milkman, finally accepting my invitation to commence a torrid love affair?” “Okay, you know damn well -- ” “Or better yet: My hopes and dreams have manifested, oh, Waluigi, could it really and truly be you!?” “What in the absolute fuck --”)

Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?: Because it’s usually himself who presents as being the more mischievous of the two, and because he tends to run the warmest, it always shocks Jaskier when you decide to play dirty and put your cold limbs all over him. Is it childish? Yes. But are his reactions to the sudden feeling of icy flesh hilarious? Also yes. You love to creep up on him when he’s tuning his guitar or scribbling down lyrics, or just minding his own damn business by trying to actually turn in relatively early for once. You love even more to watch him jolt and release the most high-pitched yip a man of his build could ever even joke about making. You��ll still be laughing about it as he scowls at you, cursing your “ghoul hands” and demanding to know if he’s dating a corpse at this point. Of course, no matter how peeved he might be, you can always count on one other thing from his dramatic reactions: Him huffily grabbing your hands into his own and rubbing them warm, or him forcing a park of fuzzy socks on your feet. And just for extra measure, you can be sure that he’ll spend the rest of the night holding you close or cuddling you -- “For exchanging bodily heat purposes,” he will always reason.

Who had that embarrassing reality TV marathon?: You both are guilty of it, actually. The question should really be, who is the least shameful about it. As with most things regarding a lack of shame, it was, of course, our dear Jaskier. Being a musician with a growing following, the little attention whore just can’t miss out on an opportunity to show himself off to his awaiting public. A rising star with relatability and a taste for trash? People eat that shit up! So you’ve learned to be less surprised every time he decides to liveblog himself watching things like Love Island or any of the 90-Day Fiancee spin-offs. In fact, in more recent times, you’ve come to join in with him, adding your own corresponding Tweets and commentary. Though don’t be too shocked once he starts holding polls and letting the public decide what show the two of you should watch next.

Who laughs more during sex?: You do, completely through Jaskier’s own efforts. Jaskier’s always had a pretty lax view of sex. This didn’t change when he met you, of course, but how he specifically portrayed that laxness did undergo some metamorphosis. Before, the entertainer was much more intent on his bedroom experiences being a display of power and an ability to please. Something dramatic and to be taken seriously. He still sees the importance of satisfaction in the bedroom, mind you, but with you, he can’t help but feel more . . . comfortable. With you, it’s a little more okay if he accidentally makes a dumb noise that in no way can be salvaged as sexy. With you, it’s a little more okay if he struggles to get his or your pants off, or if he struggles with removing your bra. And with you, he’s come to find that he’s a lot more okay with sharing a giggle or being a little more loose about things. It’s fine if your fingers tickle him or if he struggles to think of something proper dirty. But it’s even more fine if you think something he says or does makes you laugh, but not in a way that discredits his efforts. When you laugh, it shows that you’re comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to be with him, and be truly vulnerable. So do forgive him if he can’t help but run his fingers up your sides in a tickling fashion, or sloppily string together an innuendo. He simply loves how golden your laughter sounds, even in the throes of passion, intermingled with sweet whimpers and pleas of his name. How the heave of your chest and rippling of your tummy bumpily sync in with the rhythm of his thrusts . . . He just wants to see your smile, your genuine mirth, and bask in it with you. Besides, it serves as excellent song inspiration for him . . .

Who is the little spoon?: It depends on the sway of the day, really. As a whole, you both take turns without much thought simply because you tend to just fall into your positions. Some days, you just happen to lay into him in a way that makes you the little spoon. Other days, he conks out next to you in a manner that most could consider would make you the big spoon (or jet pack). Neither side really fights how it plays out unless one or the other may feel small and vulnerable, or just plain tired and in need of comfort. You often find yourself playing the role of the more dominating position during those first few days after Jaskier returning home from either a quick tour, or after finishing a long week of hours upon hours in the studio, or whatever kind of press-related nonsense his management team told him he needed to do. For as much as your boyfriend loved the spotlight, the truth was he was still quite capable of burning out and needing time to himself. Or, at the very least, just time with you. Even if that means he’s asleep for most of it, with you clinging to his back as he drifts off into a much-needed sleep. He makes sure to return it tenfold when you need just the same. Sure, your occupation may not be of the same nature as his own, but that didn’t mean you were in any less need of his cuddling. In fact, with him being gone as often as he was, Jaskier couldn’t help but feel almost guilty for not always being able to provide you with the basic comforts of being a constantly present boyfriend. Hence why the moment he would see your fatigued body crossing the threshold of your apartment, he would be all over you, ushering you into a quick shower, followed by a quick and simple dinner or snack, and capped off with him cuddling about you from behind. It didn’t matter if you’d come home right in the middle of a writing frenzy, or even if he’d been in the middle of searching for a breakthrough with an arrangement -- for as vain and bullheaded as Jaskier could be, he knew he owed you at least this much. You already put up with so much of his nonsense; this was quite literally the least he could do, both for you and for himself. Besides, he who was he to fight against the feeling of you wiggling closer into his hold, to deny himself the sound of your soft breathing as you lay yourself vulnerable to him? The fact of the matter is that he simply isn’t. He couldn’t be. Maybe in the beginning when things were still so unsteady and uncertain, but never now, when things had become so . . . well, what he could only describe as being “the both of you”. The both of you, molded and entwined, never wanting to let go. Never planning on it, either.

#jaskier x reader #modern!jaskier x reader #jaskier imagine #jaskier imagines #the witcher imagine #the witcher imagines #regrettablewritings

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misterbitches · 3 years

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wait honsetly i do not give a shit if u like couples that i think are dumb or poorly written so if u get offended by this it’s ur fault

but im confused

am i stupid for not understanding the relationship between that high schooler and the old man? like....what am i missing here? it’s not healthy, or right, and it doesn’t really matter. it doesn’t mean no one can like it but i’m like confused at pretending that it’s like positive and healthy or whatever like at best it’s embarrassing and fucking stupid at worst it’s uhhhhh gross and probably illegal (not that it matterse bc crime is BS and this person wouldnt be persecuted anyway so)

like i know these writers don’t care, can’t write, think writing “shocking” things that everyone else has already done is like a big deal but they are doing the exact thing like with every ~pRobLEmAtIc~ storyline—which btw we need to start calling it what it is: misogynist, patriarchal, capital inducing, transphobic, toxic, fucking strange and also just a stupid way to get people to absorb information. like being specific about the actual problems not just atlking around it and alos breaking it down—it’s coercing people into liking it because it’s not about the content in their differences. they barely take that into account. i’m kind of surprised at the idea of longterm positivity in a relationship that cannot withstand that. and people do grow up and realize.

i get their existence, i get why people would like it, but i don’t think you can sort of project positive things onto a relationship that is simply not positive and is not intended to be by the writers nature. even if it is accepted because harm is the norm, it upholds whatever power structures, so it’s like well fighting against that is the real story. like they exist but it’s not some statement about the lgbtq+ community particularly because that sort of relationship is common (in all communities) and uh not very good like i said and it NEEDS to be saved because that’s what these structures rely on it relies on being beholden to someone that you have no chance in matching at any point. it’s honestly a literal drag!

they dont hvae to break up or whatever but i kind of don’t get removing that reality from them. i mean i do because again this is what the writers do which is why it isnt effective, transgressive, or particularly fun (to me) and it’s so fucking common. it’s just like this IS the norm so it kind of needs to be pushed against. i know they donnt give a shit but some of the comments im like.... am i imissing something did he like time travel to be an acceptable age or are we gonna accept he was lurking around a fuckin (immature as fuck) teenager.

there’s def things that i like that i am also like “wow this is so gross” lmao there’s this brazilian movie about two brothers in a rship and they have an age gap and terrible parents and me and my best friend watched it when we were younger so we have like this place for it in our memory but we knew, and ofc back then, the immensely fucked up thing we were seeing. i can only stomach itif im extremely bored and it’s few and far between because IT IS S OFUCKING WEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD but they have good chemistry but it’s not like i dont see it. the film exists in a fake world too but idk enough about the background of the film and the filmmaker to know what their point was but i do know that it was a huge deal ther ebc gay and also the taboo nature and it was like. u know. bonkers lmao. also they were just two white brazilian dudes with money, probably some missing class commentary. in its nature everything about it is not something that i like (not reality of brazil idc abt white brazilians) and ummmm being fucking related. but look you know it was fucking fukced up and weird and the dudes did have chemistry. like seriously that movie so gross lmao so like we all have the capacity but im not gonna pretend it fucking makes sense like EW AND i wanted them to end up togehter but i still yell “EWWW NOOOOO NO NO but theyre so hot they have good chemistry OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THIS IS OS BAD OH NO WHY IS THEIR DAD OKAY WITH IT OH NO WHAT AM I WATCHING?” and theyre so close it is SINCERELY creepy and the movie is like HERE U GO GUYS and u absolutely do not feel comfortable. it’s actually uncanny because everyone is comfortable with it in their lives that it makes it even more weird. it’s like picking at you consistently, you can’t ever forget. i don’t like that these shows make you forget. they allow you to remove this fucked up background and history and/or traumatic shit from your memory SIMPLY for enjoyment. and that’s not how life works, nor art. it isnt just there. and they say this has meaning.

idk anyways that’s just how i feel cos i only thought whatshisface was like idk 5 yrs older than him and that wouldnt be better to me but i was rly like this nigga is 12 yrs older than him? bitch that’s literally r. kelly like im not joking LMAO im just like how r u pushing thirty dating a teenager my nigga i cannotttttt lmaoooo like ARE U NOT EMBARRASSED HOMIE? also like on a sociopolitical level this message actually fucking sucks like their marriage is shitty tbqh lmao it took forever for taiwan to get to where it is and there’s still massive issues with their marriage laws (and what is afforded to people with marriage; just like eveyrwhere. marriage is important because of so many laws and rights and that is why it is necessary not just in the ceremony) so it’s like flabbergasting frankly people hav elike actually isssues or like papa+daddy about taiwan and these bozos are getting married like it’s boring at this point my god

idk

go back to film school lmao

imagine if this world gave a shit about minorities and poor people even it’s literally just ......fuck man lmao i just cant let things rest. i didnt get this stupid degree and also just live 29 yrs on this earth to be able to like.....watch garbage without a critique so the garbage can continue meanwhile artists who give a shit have a harder time making things like listen kid. WRITE YOUR SCRIPTS. THESE FUCKERS CAN, YOU DO IT. look at this garbage! u can!!!! this is the advice i do not take myself

#history 4 #history 3 #history 4: close to you #history 3: make our days count #if u do not understand that u can lik e'bad' things then idk what to tell u except grow up #i refuse to entertain that line of thought anymore #it's about what the people ARENT doing when doing these stories #and it's shitty lazy art

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 4 years

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hello lia! just here to remind you how much i adore you and your content. i was wondering, since you seem to be very much aboard the logince train right now but seeing as you're still captaining the losleep ship - has brain been offering up anymore rolosleep? thought i'd give you an opportunity to ramble about them, if you wanted :) have a nice weekend! - ✨🌟

ROLOSLEEP YOU SAY

well if i’ve been given an opportunity it really would be rude to pass it up-

this ship is best summed up as ‘two chaotic fools + a braincell who is coincidentally the only reason they’re still alive’

logan loves remy and roman dearly but that doesn’t make them any smarter

not that they’re dumb, of course, they’re both very smart, they just... don’t like to apply their smartness often

aka

they also lack common sense

logan helps keep them alive and they are both very grateful for this

they all have different things in common

for logan and roman it’s poetry + classic literature (especially plays)

it leads to a lot of good-natured debates between the two of them

it also leads to them killing remy a lot

if they use poetry on each other, the other will simply respond with more poetry and it will become a battle

if they use poetry on Remy, they become a gay mess and die

for logan and remy it’s video games

roman likes them too but logan and remy get DEEP in lore for them

remy likes them a lot bc they burn their energy so they can sleep and logan likes learning the strategies of them

and ofc, as said, they both like getting deep into the lore of the games and learning every thing they can about them

they have many inside jokes bc of this that roman doesn’t understand but it’s okay bc he thinks it’s cute nonetheless

for remy and roman it’s chaos fashion

all the types of fashion- make-up, hair, clothing, shoes, everything!

why yes this does include the beautiful fashion of sweats and oversized shirts

they like to do each other’s make-up and paint each other’s nails and do stupid things to their hair and if they’re allowed to go to the mall they will be there for hours just to try on e v e r y t h i n g in the store

sometimes logan will tease them about this and they’ll say ‘but lo we have to be pretty :(’

and logan will kiss their cheeks and tell them they’re already pretty and no matter how many times he says it remy and roman never flush any less

ofc... for all the good things they share... they share less than good ones too

roman and logan share overworking

roman mostly does it on accident- caught up in an idea, he loses track of time and doesn’t remember to stop to rest or eat or anything

he does it on purpose a few times too, tho, normally when he feels like he isn’t creating enough and pushes himself even when he knows he needs to rest

logan almost always does it on purpose, sadly- he’s aware of his limits, but in his attempts to keep up with work (even when he’s plenty caught up) he’ll often ignore those limits and keep working

remy has become skilled in both figuratively and literally dragging the two of them away from their work as a result

logan and remy share sleep deprivation

logan normally ends up with it as a result of overworking, but there have been nights where he’ll just... stay up. no clear reason aside from that he just doesn’t want to/can’t go to bed

remy does it more regularly

it’s normally due to drinking too much coffee or insomnia, but too much energy + too many thoughts can also be causes

they normally play video games through the night when this happens- a problem for when logan’s also up, since more often than not remy will let him join the game and then neither of them’s going to sleep that night

luckily, roman is very warm and a very good hugger/cuddler, so if he can catch either of them staying up he can normally get them to sleep or at least rest by cuddling them

remy and roman share insecurity

roman easily gets insecure over his work- is it good enough? is it good at all? has he created enough? will he ever create enough?

he also gets insecure over his personality- is he too much? is he too loud, too dramatic, too out there? does he annoy everyone?

remy gets insecure more over lack of their own work- logan’s so smart and roman’s so talented, after all, and they’re... just them. they don’t contribute anything to the world or to their relationship

a majority of their confidence + flirty attitude + etc is to cover the fact that they really don’t think they’re worth anything

logan loves both of them very much, however, and if they’re feeling too insecure he can and will Kill their insecurities with love and facts

angst aside

these bois like to CUDDLE

roman’s naturally cuddly, and both logan and remy are lowkey touch starved

they can’t be left together for longer than five seconds without ending up wrapped around each other

their friends think this is ‘weird’ and ‘kinda clingy’ but they know their friends are just jealous

they also like kisses!!

roman’s a sucker for back of hand/palm kisses but he’s happy to pepper his partner’s faces in kisses too

logan likes to kiss his partner’s heads + foreheads but will kiss the tips of their noses to Kill Them on occasion

remy just does all the kisses. face, head, neck, hands- if they can smooch they will smooch

there is a difference for lip kisses tho

logan’s normally okay for brief little ones but never more, remy’s always good for lip kisses but only sometimes down for making-out, and roman is ALWAYS down for lip kisses and making-out but he RESPECTS HIS PARTNERS’ BOUNDARIES

this does, however, mean that when remy’s in the mood to make-out logan will not be getting either of his partners’ attention for at least half an hour

for the sake of my heart i must also note it never goes further than making out- they’re all ace, remy + roman being sex-repulsed and logan being sex-neutral. they like to cuddle kiss and sometimes make out- that’s all

slightly random but important tangent: they can all break into their house and every room in their house

remy can open any window- locked or not-, logan can lockpick any door, and roman can and will break down any door/window

this is mostly so none of them can isolate themselves but also bc remy and roman often forget their keys and logan can’t always save them

that tangent aside, a new one: how they got together

roman and remy were dating first, and logan was their friend who kept them from doing every thing they wanted to do, aka, kept them alive

and then somewhere along the way... he accidentally fell in love with them

whoops

he kept the lid on it pretty well at first

but then remy one day was reallllly tired and they kissed logan’s cheek while the three of them were hanging out

roman pulled remy away and rushed to apologize about how remy gets extra affectionate when tired and they also have a tendency to mix up who their dating and who they’re not

except logan just blushed and mumbled something about how he didn’t mind and... well... that’s Gay

for a while, logan and roman were metamours of remy, but logan already loved roman and roman’s gay and dramatic and logan knows poetry so, really, it was only a matter of time before they started dating as well

i could probably say more but my wrist’s starting to hurt something fierce so i’m cutting it off there

#rolosleep #ts logan #ts roman #ts remy #ts sleep #nb!remy #hope you enjoyed my ramble sdjfkhbnsd #i just.... love them very much\#the cryptid speaks #the cryptid answers #sparkle star anon

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stxn-the-mxn · 5 years

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I Love You, Too || 2019!Reddie X Daughter!Reader

A/N: I combined two requests, cause I wanted to put them together :))) Hope you don’t mind

Request: hi! i absolutely LOVE your writings! especially the daughter!reader ones. i was wondering if i could request something? like where the reader is eddie and richie are married and they adopted a daughter. she’s has a stutter and is picked on for it at school. she comes home one day crying and her dad’s comfort her when she says she hates her stutter and they tell her that it’s not a bad thing and she should embrace it and not be ashamed? just soft family fluff! thank you -Anon

Could you do a semi sweet but angst fic? Richie and Eddie get out of Derry together and get married, adopt a little girl (the reader) and they return to derry with her. She’s around 7/8 years old and penny wise gets her, they go to save her with the rest of the losers but Eddie still dies 🥺 (my baby) but sweet moments of the reader meeting the gang and everything and sweet moments with her papa’s. Sorry if it sounds kind of dumb ❤️❤️❤️ - @spidey-starky

!!WARNING: HOMOPHOBIC SLURS, IT CH2 SPOILERS, BLOOD!!

***

You were pushed up against your locker, Jacob holding you by your shirt collar. Most people in this situation would maybe yell out for help, try to get someone’s attention. But you were used to it, plus school had ended and barely anyone was still here.

This was a regular occurrence. The name-calling, the mockery, everything that a middle school bully could do, she had seen and heard before. It didn’t affect her anymore.

Jacob would always do this, maybe steal something of yours, typical bullying business. But today, he went too far.

After the school play, Jacob had seen your dads picking you up. He had found that perfect bullying material. A stutter and the daughter of two gays? Perfect victim, he thought.

“Come on, Stuttering Y-Y/N!” He mocked your stutter, as you rolled your eyes. “Aww, is the stuttering joke getting old? Well, how bout we talk about your fag fathers?”

Your eyes widened. Shit.

“You’re probably just like them.” Tears welled in your eyes. “And, hey, that means you’re adopted! Not even your real parents wanted you so they had to hand you over to some fucking gays! So, not only do you have a dumbass fucking stutter, your parents are fucking gay!”

Jacob smirked as he saw the tears dripping down your face. It had taken a while, but finally, he’d found what broke you. You couldn’t speak, too overwhelmed by everything happening so quickly. A part of you wished you were just getting bullied for the stutter.

“I don’t know if you noticed, Stutter Fag, but your kind isn’t appreciated around here.”

He threw you to the ground, as you landed on your nose, causing it to bleed. Jacob walked away, leaving school. You waited till you knew he was gone before grabbing your bag, picking up all the papers that had slipped out.

How long had your dad been waiting out in the parking lot? Checking your watch, you discovered he’d probably been there for at least ten minutes. Shit, he wasn’t gonna be happy…

Running out to the car, you forgot about the blood dripping down your face. You threw your bag into the back of the car, before hopping into the front seat, being met with the concerned face of your father.

“Y/N? What the hell happened to you? Jeez, wait til Eds sees you.” He handed you a few tissues, not noticing as you used them for your eyes and not your nose. He started the car, driving back to your rather large home.

“Y/N?” Your dad placed a hand softly on your knee. “What happened after school today?”

“N-N-Nothing. Just got t-too excited and r-r-ran into a w-wall.”

You could see on his face that he didn’t believe you. Lying to your father wasn’t something you were good at. He raised an eyebrow, which meant that he expected you to keep talking.

“It w-was just J-J-Jacob. H-He stayed a-a-after class a-and, uh, he m-m-m-might have, uh, b-b-bullied me.” You whispered, mentally cursing yourself for stuttering so much.

That stupid fucking stutter was the cause of all your problems.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry… Look, right now, we’ll push it aside and talk about it later when Papa Bear is home.” Your dad laughed as your face contorted into disgust. He knew you hated when he called Eddie that.

“All jokes aside, we’ll discuss this later. Just relax, and maybe clean up your nose a bit more.”

***

You sat at the dinner table, eyes glued to the plate in front of you. Eddie’s eyes remained on you, concern etched on his face. Richie, however, simply smiled warmly at you.

“Y/N, baby, you’re awfully quiet,” Eddie spoke, his head tilted slightly in confusion.

“Honey, it’s time to talk.” Richie reminded you of the conversation in the car, and with a sigh, you thought of how to explain the situation.

“Uh, d-dads, after s-s-school today, t-this kid was, u-uh, teasing m-me about m-m-m-my stutter.” You couldn’t tell the whole truth. You couldn’t tell them that. Just the thought of what Jacob said brought tears to your eyes.

The tears began streaming down your face.

Eddie left his seat, pulling you into his arms. You cried into his shoulder, and Richie piled on top. Eddie’s arms were wrapped protectively around you, and Richie rubbed calming circles on your back.

“Your stutter is so perfectly you, baby. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. Embrace it.”

Your tears slowed as you heard Richie’s phone ring, his ringtone being that stupid Pina Colada song. At first, he ignored it, staying with you, but by the sixth consecutive ring, you told him to answer it.

“I’m hungry, anyway.” You smiled, wiping the final tears from your face. With a forehead kiss from Eddie and a final hug from Richie, they moved away, Richie answering his phone.

“Yello? Huh? Oh. Right, yeah. Yeah, cool. See you soon, I guess?” His face went white as he hung up the phone, and he ran out of the room. Seconds later you heard him in the bathroom, the sound making you cover your ears. Eddie ran to the bathroom, and you could hear him checking over Richie.

Eddie’s phone rang suddenly, and you picked it off the table, bringing it to the bathroom, where Eddie was helping Richie off the floor, moving him away from the toilet bowl.

“Dad? Your phone is ringing.” You handed the phone to the shorter male, before scurrying back to the table. What the fuck was going on?

They stayed in the bathroom for another ten minutes and when they came back, you knew something was wrong.

“Baby, we need to talk.”

***

Last night at the Chinese restaurant had been an interesting event, to say the least. It had been a long trip to Derry, so you had been half asleep when entering the restaurant. An hour into the dinner, you were on the verge of sleep.

Richie and Eddie were trying so hard to keep you awake, but you were twelve and had been on a plane for five hours, which didn’t seem like much but it was a very rocky flight. Eventually, Richie and Eddie caved and allowed you to fall asleep, leaning against Eddie’s arm.

“She’s adorable,” Beverly said, smiling at the passed out girl. The other Losers hummed in agreement, Richie and Eddie sharing a proud smile.

“H-How long h-h-have you ha-had her?” Bill asked, realising afterwards that maybe he could’ve phrased that differently.

“Since she was only two, actually. So we’ve had her for ten years, now.” Richie pushed the hair out of your eyes, a soft smile on his face.

“Tell us about her.” Stan smiled, his usual demeanour shattered by the precious girl at the table. Everyone at the table was simply enamoured with this little girl.

“Uh, we adopted her a year after we got married.” Eddie grew flustered, as the Losers smirked at him and Richie.

“She’s literally the perfect kid!” Richie chimed in, “She’s got good grades, she doesn’t get involved with anything bad or stupid, and she’s just amazing. We love her so much.”

The other Losers felt like they would burst from the amount of adoration they had for this girl. The night continued on, everyone getting quite drunk, except Stan, who felt the need to be the one sober person.

He was rolling his eyes at Richie and Eddie drunkenly flirting in the corner when he noticed you stirring from your spot on the table. You sat up, blinking a few times, growing accustomed to the fluorescent glow of the lights above.

Stan was the only one to notice you wake up and decided to separate you from the drunken activities.

“Hey, Y/N, how was your sleep?” He asked, loudly, as to maybe alert the others that you were awake.

“Yeah, i-i-it was pretty g-good. I’m no-not as t-tired now.” Stan’s eyes widened in surprise. You had a stutter?

“Oh, honey, you’re awake!’ Richie announced loudly, everyone looking at you and Stan.

“She has a stutter?” Stan asked, and you immediately felt tears brim in your eyes.

Richie and Eddie looked worried, while the others looked intrigued. You felt everyone’s eyes on you, and it was far too much. You ran from the room, your dads calling after you.

“Did I say the wrong thing?” Stan asked worriedly.

“She’s very sensitive about the stutter. She gets bullied a lot. So, we don’t talk about it.” Eddie explained, before running out to find you, Richie not too far behind.

The other Losers turned to Bill, their stuttering friend.

He had an understanding look on his face, having lived with a stutter for so many years of his life. But he had overcome it for so many years, so surely he could help you.

The Losers returned to the table, waiting patiently for Richie and Eddie to return, you by their side. Minutes passed, and no one walked through the door, except for the waitress who placed a bowl of fortune cookies on the table.

Just as she was leaving, a panicked Eddie and Richie came through the door.

But you weren’t with them.

Their faces held panic, fear, and everything in between.

“Guys? Where’s Y/N?” Ben asked, his voice shaky.

“W-we don’t know. We looked everywhere, but we can’t find her.” Eddie started crying, Richie holding him close to his chest.

Mike stepped forward, grabbing Richie by the shoulders. “We’ll find her. She can’t have gone too far. She’s probably in the bathroom.”

“O-oh, yeah. The bathroom.” He only sounded half-convinced, but Richie and Eddie would take anything to put their minds at ease.

“W-we were gi-given fortune c-c-cookies,” Bill suggested quietly.

Everyone sat back at the table, avoiding looking at the empty chair between Eddie and Richie. They all picked up a cookie, one still sitting in the bowl.

They all cracked theirs open, each finding a single piece of paper.

“The hell? Mine just says ‘Time” Richie murmured, the cookies really not distracting him from the disappearance of his daughter.

The others all looked at their fortunes, not noticing Eddie’s shaking hands and terrified expressions.

“W-wait. Give me y-y-your paper.” Bill said as the Losers put their papers down. All except Eddie.

They scuffled about, finding that their words formed a sentence.

“Oh shit. Oh, fuck!” Richie yelled, seeing the sentence forming. He looked over at his husband, begging him for the paper. Eddie held it tighter, but upon seeing the desperate look on his love's face, he placed the paper down.

Tears streamed down his face, as the other saw what was on his paper.

Bye Bye Stuttering Y/N! Time To Float!

“No. No. This isn’t fucking happening. We have to go get her.” Richie stood from his seat, Eddie following.

“No!” Mike yelled. “There’s something we have to do first.”

***

You were floating, but they couldn’t do anything, not yet. First, they had to kill that fucking clown. It hurt Richie and Eddie to just leave you there, floating above the ground, almost dead.

“Hey, fuckface! You wanna play truth or dare? Here’s a truth; You’re a sloppy bitch! Yeah, that’s right. Let’s dance! Yippee-kay-yay motherfuc-” Everyone watched as Richie got caught in the deadlights.

Eddie screamed, but not a frightful scream, it was more of a “back off my husband you bitch” scream. He ran forward, throwing the pole Bev had gave him as hard as possible. It struck Pennywise in the mouth, sending IT backwards, ending up impaled on one of the spikes.

Richie fell to the ground, breathing heavily. What the fuck had he just seen?

Eddie came crashing down on top of him, straddling Richie’s waist. Not an uncommon position for them, but that wasn’t relevant right now. Eddie leaned down, grabbing Richie’s face and slamming their lips together.

Richie closed his eyes, melting as he always did when Eddie kissed him. His eyes opened, however, when the salty taste of Eddie’s lips became metallic. Richie froze, not even flinching when Eddie splurted blood onto his face.

“R-Richie?” Eddie spoke softly, blood trickling down his chin. The pain in his eyes matched that of Richie’s heart. Richie couldn’t look down, because he knew what he would see if he let his eyes travel.

And then he remembered, the first time he had entered this fucking house. The first time he lost Eddie. That fucking demonic version of his love. The fucking black shit that had flowed from his mouth. That image that was identical to this. That motherfucking clown who had planned everything to be like this.

“Eddie? Eddie, love?” His pleas were useless, as Eddie was pulled away from him, and flung about by the clown who ruined every fucking good thing he’d ever had.

IT threw Eddie from its claw, sending him towards the ground, right beneath where you were floating. Fuck, he couldn’t do this.

But he had to.

For Eddie.

And for you.

***

Richie got up from beside Eddie, who was barely alive at this point, but Richie could always see the life in his eyes. Eddie watched him leave through the dancing black spots in his vision.

He could feel the familiar fabric of Richie’s jacket in his hands and found one of his hands in the pocket. His hand brushed against what felt like paper, and with as much strength as he had, slid it out of the jacket.

Unfolding it slowly, he saw a pencil drawing, one that you had done as a very young child. It was of the three of you, smiling, and for a toddler’s drawing, it was extremely good. You had labelled each person, though it was obvious who was who.

Up the top, in messy crayon handwriting, were the words “I love my daddies.” with two pink hearts sloppily drawn at both ends of the sentence.

“I love you too, baby”

#richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier x daughter!reader #eddie kaspbrak #eddie kaspbrak x reader #eddie kaspbrak x daughter!reader #reddie #reddie x reader #reddie x daughter!reader #it #it x reader #it 2 #it 2 x reader #it chapter 2 #it chapter 2 x reader #the losers club #the losers club x reader #losers club #losers club x reader

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tonya-the-chicken · 4 years

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I wrote this post some time ago as a reply to someone and now I somehow want to post it again with some changes lol

TW: mentions of murder, referenced canon abuse and swearing

Let’s talk about redemption arcs and people’s overwhelming desire to punish fictional characters for what they did... Inspired by Endeavor hate ngl... I mostly speak about fictional charcters in this post so pllease, don’t go dumb and understand that fictional characters and irl people should be treated differently

I think sometimes people don`t understand why punishment exists in our society at all. Like, why couldn`t we just forgive? Why punishment is needed? Oh, I would like to talk about behavioural psychology, but it is kinda creepy so instead let`s remember what my teacher of LAWS said(idk what you call it in your bitchass America)

Punishment basically serves two functions:

Preventative (show others and a person that they can’t just get away with their deeds). Like, if you knew that there are no negative consequences, wouldn`t you do it? Wouldn`t you kill the old lady?

Correction and all work with a person in general (for example, you can be forced to go through some psychological help)

Also, I lied there’s one more: compensation. Like, if you stole something, then bring money back, you little shit. Or pay for therapy for your victim

So when we put it into stories and so popular nowadays redemption arcs (which I fucking adore if they are done correctly) we have 4 points out of this 3 cause the first one can be put into two

Character is punished to show others that this is not something you should do (it’s a kinda societal thing and has nothing to do with character in particular. This point in general is not interesting because it doesn’t drives changes in person by itself)

Character is punished so he himself would think twice before doing this shit again (we can’t know if person’s remorse is genuine so it’s better to simply scare them. But I can allow skipping this point if person’s remorse is clealy shown to be genuine and we as readers understand that. That’s probably the big distinction we, as readers, should see: while irl we never know persons true motives, work of fiction can provide them to us clearly)

Character changes and understands what is wrong in what he has done (the part of redemption we all love and enjoy)

Characters work hard to correct or atone for their mistakes

As we can see first two bullets has nothing to do with character development and serve for the purpose of maintaining order. The third one IS a character development and the last one is what makes people actually forgive horrible actions and not go ape shit I guess. But for some of us nothing is enough, isn`t it?

And there is one more shit that is often in redemption arcs and that shit is great and I fucking love it

Explanation of the character’s behaviour, their reasoning and motivation

I truly enjoy reading about WHY characters behave a certain way but people, remember, SAD BACKSTORY IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. Same goes to your mental problems and hard life situation. The fact that behaviour can be explained doesn’t mean shit. Like, behaviour also follows certain laws and despite the fact that it’s sometimes hard to understand all the details we still theoretically can explain ANY BEHAVIOUR. Does this mean we can excuse any behaviour? HELL NO

So remember folks, “They had their reasons to do this” means nothing most of the time. “I wanted to try how it feels” is actually a valid reason to kill someone, you know. Of course, if crimes is not severe, reasoning suddenly can be very important like we won`t punish harshly someone who stole bread cause he is starving or cause he has kleptomania (I mean as a literal disorder). But even in that case you must pay back money cause like stealing is bad but eat the rich

let`s talk examples from bnha cause why not

Endeavour

We have Enji oh my baby you have done so much stupid shit you dumbass. Sad backstory even if will be brought up in the future, currently is not a focus of redemption at all. Like, he even doesn`t explain his behaviour too much. “He want to be the strongest, so he decided that even if his genes will make it to the top it will be enough. As a result, blinded by his goal, he abused his family”. Basically, it`s all the explanation we have right now. And if Hori stops at it I will be fine with it. Honestly, as much as I want to learn more about Enji’s past if Horikoshi leaves everything at this I would give him nothing but mad respect cause... This kind of shows that your reasoning doesn’t matter that much if you did horrifying things

So 3 points to redeem someone

Enji didn’t suffer any punishment for his actions (nightmares are considered punishment only if you believe in God. Also, too weak, God, try harder... And same goes for High-End). When I think about him being punished I actually worry about society’s reaction cause, like, he is number 1 hero and the fact that he’s an abuser will be, like, very shocking to simple people.Trust in hero will fall harder than my will to live during 2020. And honestly, media would just turn this into a drama possibly hurting other members of his family, like.... Enji being legally punished for his action would be an interesting plotline but in general I am not a fan

We see his genuine remorse and character growth. We all agree that he even is drawn differently now changed and trying to become a better person, yeah? Clumsily at first, but he genuinely works hard to be a better peron, hero and father. I can respecct that

Compensation… Well, you can exactly “correct” trauma so he should pay up for psychologists for each child he probably should follow the path of atonement and try to give them something he robbed them from. Like, go to family dinners with Fuyumi even though every last one of them is a disaster and nobody is happy to be there. Or make everything possible to provide Rei calm life with her children (like building a new house, yes, this is an amazing thing) or at least become *reducted cause I wanna this post to be serious and SFW*... Tbh I have nothing to say, he himself says multiple times that he seeks nothing but atonment, not even forgiveness

So like you better work bitch to make your family happy bastard... [And tbh they seem so much better then when I first wrote this post, I am so proud of you, my garbage fire man]

Overhaul

In no way is he redeemed but somehow people put Overhaul and Endeavor stans in the same category so here he goes

Kai has something Enji doesn’t: very good and detailed explanation, a plan, a smart reasoning. His wrong deeds were basically for a better good he believed in. But we all collectively hate him for what he done to Eri despite his actions having r E A S o n S. Dude has some MOTIVATION. So like yeah bros. It makes him an interesting character and he is an amazing villain but dude deserves to rot in prisons. He shows no remorse and I am gonna bet he won`t even think about somehow helping others. Dude is a shitty person. And I fucking love him

So let’s go for our 3 bullets again

Punishment. Yes, he is punished, he is in jail with both his hands cut off. Would it make people forgive him? Nah

Personal growth. I would like to see it but as far we saw barely no growth... Though maybe being in jail without quirk will make his brain work

Atonement... Dude has a Messiah complex, I ain’t waiting for that anytime soon

So I asked myself if I had two men: one who spent a sentence in jail for child abuse but is more or less the same person and another who wasn’t punished for his abuse but feel genuine remorse and actively try to make things better who will I choose? Of course, I will choose Pikachu

But is it possible to redeem Overhaul? I wonder if there`s a force in this world strong enough to make him become a better person. Welp... I am a sucker for redemptions, justt letting you know

All for One

Oh, he is irredeemable (and this is sexy). Why is he here? Cause, well

Even if he is punished there`s no punishment severe enough to describe how horrifying his deeds are

Even if he is to feel remorse… he has like 500 years or something??? And he didn`t feel anything killing people??? So why would he change today?

Even if he atone for what he’s done… I am to believe he started at least a civil war. You can`t atone for that bitch. You crossed all fucking lines, all fucking lines

AfO is literally the most evvil man in bnha... I don’t want to see him redeemed cause I love characters that are pure evil and I love the despair of realizing you can’t fix what you have done. Though you are free to have a different opinion! Who knows, maybe Horikoshi will make a classy redemption for him and I will scream out of excitement? Cause I am that kind of bitch??? Who knows! I just love to think Doctor Ujiko is gay for him

Anyway, why do people like to make this characters suffer? Like, Endeavor, Minoru, Overhaul, many others? Is this part of the “punishment” to feel like person paid for their deeds? Or do people just like fictional violence and punishing “bad” characters make them feel good about themselves? Who knows

I have no idea what this post is about I want to sleep and I like Enji though if you dislike him this is fine. I hope it was interesting reading this, love you all bye

Don’t kill me for my controversial takes, I am depressed

#overhaul #endeavor #all for one #redemption arc #bnha #bnha meta #yea I do classify my bullshit post as meta BYYE #bnha endeavor #bnha overhaul #enji todoroki #kai chisaki #boku no hero academia #don't take this too seriously though #original post was written when I was on heavy meds #so idk #my post #really hope you enjoy it #long post

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got2ghost-archive · 4 years

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ten ships and why!! I was tagged by @alienfuckeronmain AHH THANK U I LOVE TALKING ABT THIS SHIT

Half of my list is childhood best friends to lovers let's GOOOO

1. drarry

*deep shuddering inhale* I have thought abt draco and harry being foils before I even reached double digits. they could have saved each other and had so much potential to even just be FRIENDS!! if j*r wasn't like that, then she could have actually made a meaningful impact on draco early on. abt how you don't have to be your parents! and how to heal!! anyway I love them any way shape or form. I love reading dark gritty fucked up stories about them just as much as I love reading domestic silly fluffy stuff for them. draco would NOT put up with harry's bullshit and harry would NOT go easy on draco either but they're ultimately just two lonely boys who grew up in fucked up households who have much more in common than they realize!!! LIKE!!

2. wangxian

yes they're a new one but God their love extends so deeply. yes they r basically Chinese fantasy Kirk/spock!!

lan zhan is so in love w wei ying and is so devoted and everything he does is action or acts of service which js very much my love language!! but he also feels a deep sense of obligation to the rules and codes he's learned?? and wei ying loves lan zhan but it takes him a long time to accept it bc he DOESNT BELIEVE HE IS DESERVIG OF LOVE despite being so GOOD. AND THEY NEVER TALK TO EACH OTHER OR COMMUNICATE THEY WAY THEY SHOULD!!!! AND HE DIES and LAN ZHAN IS JUST. REPENTENT FOR 16 YEARS AND RAISES HIS SON AND IS SO INCREDIBLY SAD AND MISERABLE BUT THEN WWX comes BACK TO LIFE and they get to try again AND THEY GET TO BE HAPPY???? ANYWAY ACTS OF DEVOTION I!!!!

3. soriku

I've genuinely thought abt them since I was TEN when the first kingdom hearts game came out but it didn't solidify until KH2 came out when sora has to search for riku the entire game and when he finally does RIKU DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE HIMSELF BUT SORA STILL RECOGNIZES HIM ANYWAY AND HOLDS HIS HAND AND CRIES. THAT SHIT MADE ME GAY! I had never witnessed such tenderness and they are so inherently queer and subtle that it's one of the first stories I ever saw myself in. on top of that I also read that doujinshi that I consider Canon and it's so!! childhood best friends! with big complicated feelings of jealousy and betrayal and possessiveness when you start to grow apart from the person you care about the most!! and in game they're slowly... circling to become end game? the entire story revolves around them saving each other and RIKU LITERALLY CALLING SORA HIS MOST PRECIOUS PERSON? AHHHHHH

4. sterek

I will never forgive what the show did but the Fandom and the writing from that fandom is incredibly important to me. they're like my comfort pairing and I just love that Derek is sad and grumpy but it's because he's fucked up and needs to go to therapy and stiles is also kind of fucked up but happier and he's smart and beautiful and!!! they were obviously attracted to each other!! almost all of their stories involve CONSENT or Derek hale getting better slowly. they mean a lot to me bc my mom was dying while I clung to this fandom and wrote my grief fic and I always associate them with that time in my life. I could and did read like 30 stories abt Derek doing laundry and buying wooden spoons and trying to move on and be a healthier happier person.

5. taagnus

rarely have rare pairs but this is one of them and!!! look. I didn't ship them until the last two arcs of the show revealed that instead of only knowing each other for a few years and being idiots they in fact knew each other for 100 years+ and DIED A LOT together and saved each other. BUT COULDN'T REMEMBER IT YET THEY STILL KIND OF... FALL IN LOVE AGAIN? they balance each other so much. magnus is magnus - brave and GOOD. taako is so closed off, careful abt trusting people so when he acted on gut instinct to LITERALLY THROW HIS SOUL OUT OF HIS BODY TO SAVE MAGNUS I was hooked. I know that taako ends up w kravitz but bc we didn't get to see Krav much I couldn't grow attached to him? I love the thought of first love and exploring that - how it never goes away, really but you can still love other people!! plus! I love writing them as lesbians! they're butch/femme to me!

6. ruth/debbie

UGH. UGH!!!!! they're so obsessed with each other and it's so filled with repression and anger and betrayal thst has nothing to do with Ruth fucking her husband and everything to do with the trust of their friendship. it's such a complicated weird fucked up intense 'friendship' that I love to see and like!! sometimes my friendships w women FELT like that. the times I have felt the most hurt is when I lose a friend bc a part of me is in love w them in some way!! Ruth and Debbie are just. in love. though. and Ruth is never gonna admit it and she's gonna... be in a comp het relationship even tho she thinks Debbie is smart and sexy and she idolizes her GOD.

7. gene/finny

YES MOST OF MY PAIRINGS ARE SAD WHAT OF IT? I read this book as a sophomore in hs and I simply could not stop thinking abt how gay and in love they were. FIRST OF ALL THE metaphors!!!!!! gene as winter and finny as summer!! and how codependent and weird they were even tho finny KNEW gene broke his leg. he didn't want to believe it bc he WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM. THEY WENT ON A DATE TO THE BEACH? THE PINK SHIRT? finny being the embodiment of childhood innocence and Gene literally breaking that? and killing it? once again I just love reading abt how complex jealousy is and where it comes from and also REPRESSION!!!

8. forrden

yes I'm including my own OC with @dosalesbian

I wrote abt them for FOUR YEARS. they're childhood best friends who fall in love and marry and are in love no matter what universe and are so soft and tender and healing. forrest goes thru a lot of gender exploration and aiden is just the partner I want to be!! he's goofy and LOVES HER SO MUCH AND SUPPORTS HER SO MUCH GOD!!!!

9. kuroken

they r a new one and yes once again childhood best friends but in a FUN NEW WAY that I want to explore. kenma is like disinterested in most things except gaming and whatever kuroo wants to do and has a hard time socializing bc he's SHY and is too observant! and kuroo is big and dumb and passionate but was also a stupid anxious child. I think they're those friends who are dating but don't even know they're dating or their relationship is so indescribable to themselves and others that it's hard to take any step forward or backward bc theyre SO codependent and yes. I want to explore that and read abt them more.

10. don't look at me yes im putting ryden on here

THEY WERE IN LOVE BUT COULDNT ADMIT IT AND THEN BRENDON WROTE 3 BREAKUP ALBUMS ABT RYAN? AND RYAN RELEASED A SONG THE SAME WEEK BRENDON GOT MARRIED? they're never gonna be friends again bc they can't just be friends

okay!! I tag @scottspack @dosalesbian @pattern-pals hehe

#about me

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heres-harleyyy · 5 years

Text

Redemption Ch.6

Pairing - Natasha x reader (F)

Summary - this is the story of how you met the infamous Black widow, but you know her as Natasha. Meeting by pure chance thanks to your ability to teleport, a friendship blooms and turns into something more.

A/N - Again thank you for the continues support :)

Warnings - None

.Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four //Chapter Five // Chapter six // Chapter seven // Chapter Eight //

---

“But first,” Nick sats digging into his pocket pulling out a small black case and handing it to Clint. Opening the case to reveal some hearing aids, both of you sent a questioning look at the men in front of you. Clint shrugged before popping the hearing aids in and Nick continued, “ I think you’ll find them quite useful.” You watch Clint, as a smile forms on his face before looking at you.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Clint chuckles looking at you. You couldn't help but stare at him with your mouth hanging open. The doctors had said that his hearing was gone, no hearing aid would be able to assist with his hearing. So logically the fact that he can hear now was impossible.

“You can thank us later for them,” Coulson states looking over at Nick. Who brought out two files placing them down in front of you both before taking a seat next to him.

“Now both of you have excellent records,” Nick begins opening up one of the files, “Both top of your class in the firing range, hand to hand combat. And to top of it all, both of you set a new time record on the assault courses.” He reads from the files looking more impressed as he reads. You look over at Clint who smiles at you, you both had worked hard and pushed each other to be better at whatever challenges were played out in front of you. Sending a small smile back at Clint you couldn't help but feel a small pinch of pride at your achievements, “And the fact you both done it underage.”

At that, both of you snap your eyes to Nick. His face was unreadable, Coulson on the other hand still had a small smirk on his face. Quickly coaching your features you sit up straight knowing this conversation could only end in two ways.

“Sorry what?” Clint responds before you could.

“You both only turned eighteen before you were deployed here correct?” Coulson responds this time. Nick places the files back on the table leaning back in his chair being too relaxed for the situation, looking at you with a challenging look.

“We turned eighteen three years ago when we first joined,” you answered sending a look of your own back at him. He smiles crossing his arms over his chest.

“Bullshit.” He chuckles. Your eyes flicker to Clint who was looking back at you, you could see his thoughts clear as anything. You both were royally fucked.

“Sorry Sir, but what is the point in this?” You ask quickly hoping to find out their motives.

“Oh, it’s quite simple, given your certain talents we don’t want them to go to waste.” Collision replies setting his hands on the table reminding you of a businessman.

“Not only that but we have kept an eye on you both since the incident dating back three years prior where you were hospitalised Y/N,” Nick said leaning forward opening the second file. “Sever bruising to the face resulting in a fractured eye socket, cracked jaw, broken ribs. All received after you mysteriously disappeared for three days, care to explain?”

You swallow loudly suppressing the memories of your past you’d like to forget. You see Clint look at you through the corner of your eye, taking a deep breath balling your hand into a fist trying not to let your anger get the better of you. “A hate crime,” You answer looking at your feet.

“A hate crime? For what exactly Miss Y/L/N,” Nick says leaning forward, you knew he was fishing for an answer. You couldn't stop your self from thinking back to Natalia. God… You hadn’t thought of her in years, and you hated to admit it but you missed her. But this wasn't the time to open up that memory.

“The hate crime of being gay sir,” you reply calmly smirking, silently sending out a challenge of your own to the two men. You knew that would throw them, of course, it wasn't the truth but it was also justified. It was the lie you used back then and would stand by it as it was plausible.

Collision looked slightly taken back, clearly believing you, but Nick… Something about the way he looked at you made you realise he didn't believe you. Silently he pulls out some documents looking down at them.

“Yes that is what the report said it was, but there's the small matter of the bruising and cuts on your wrists as well which were overlooked,” he starts looking up at you, you bite the inside of your cheek coaching your features.

“So what? They tied me up so I couldn't fight back,” you shrug.

“Seems a tad overboard for beating someone up for being gay,” Nick counters shovelling through the papers in his hand till stopped at one, “But, not so much of that person could teleport.”

You couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath you took. Clint's eyes go wide and he looks over at you silently asking the same question you were. How the hell did they know? Nick smiles before placing the in front go you what he was holding, pictures of surveillance footage. All of which contained an image of you, looking at the time and dates they where all times you had jumped like a kid.

“Now I’m no expert but how the hell does a thirteen-year-old kid managed to go from being in a store to not in the space of a second?” He asks leaning forward over the table, you didn’t know what to do or say. When clear as day you hear Natalia in your subconscious, ‘deflect and deny, play dumb and let them give you the answers.’

“I don’t know, probably faulty security cams.” You shrug crossing your arms over your chest. The thought of them potentially knowing about your power left an unpleasant feeling in your stomach, that only amplified with the thought of Natalia. You came to the army to forget about her and move on but still, her memory seems to cling onto you.

“True true,” He shrugs as well before turning to Coulson who hands him a small laptop quickly booting it up, “But, how do you explain this?” he asks turning it to you and Clint, on it played a video of the camp you were in, when suddenly a large dust cloud comes out of nowhere, as the dust settles it shows both you and Clint now there.

You sigh looking down at your feet, this was it. There was no way you’d be able to lie your way out of this one.

“What do you’s want?” Clint suddenly asks you could hear the annoyance in his voice. You look over at him silently asking him to stop, but he doesn’t, “ Cause coming in here giving me these hearing aids that work when I’m meant to be deaf and coming in here Y/N about why camera equipment clearly failed when she was around is just taking it a step too far!”

“What we want is to make you both an offer,” Nick starts out carefully, slowly you look at him to find him already looking at you, “you’re both excellent soldiers and have the potential to be even greater agents. Given Y/N’s ability, we’d like to work with you to learn to control it, to prevent any misadventures to occur.”

“So you won't do any science experiments on me?” you finally ask after listening to Nick. Clearly, you were never destined to be normal, so why try to live a normal life.

“Some things science can't explain so why waste time and resources on trying to understand it,” Coulson answers you this time, he gave you a gentle smile, something about him made you feel at ease and oddly enough you trusted him.

“Okay, I’m in.”

——-

Clint had taken some convincing to take up the offer to join shield but when faced with having to give up a life of adventure he quickly joined you. Within forty-eight hours both of you were back in the states in shield headquarters for processing. Surprisingly it wasn’t as invasive as you thought it would have been and then training began. The physical training was more intense than the army but then the army fought with guns, being an agent meant using anything around you to your advantage.

Clint struggled in the beginning but soon caught up to speed with you, he even managed to persuade Fury to allow him to take a bow an arrow into combat, but you began to use your ability to jump in training giving you the upper hand in fights.

The second part of your training was the whole spy side of things, learning to read a person body, see their intent before they act, and becoming a whole lot better at lying. Through those days you tried your best not to think of her as you knew she went through similar training.

Then thirdly equipment, a spy is only as good as their equipment. Both you and Clint spent hours learning how to hack through shields advanced training systems. Then finally you were both ready and handed your first assignment.

Belgrade.

Someone had been causing trouble and needed dept with, your mission was to go in and eliminate the threat. You and Clint touched down in Belgrade just after midnight and headed to the safe house where you where met with Maria Hill. She had been recruited a few months before you and Clint, Fury had personally selected her much like you two.

“What have we got?” Clint asked pulling out a chair at the table Maria was sat at. You chose to lean against the wall.

“All we know is that it is a solo KGB agent,” Maria started showing you pictures of crime scenes, the work was brutal and put shame to any serial killer out there, “ Rumour has it is the work of the Black Widow.” You couldn't help but let out a snort as a name.

“Everyone got a gimmicky name now?” You ask, rolling your eyes. Clint looked up at you amused smiling his usual smile. Maria covered her laugh with a cough.

“This is only one of the Black Widows we know of, Agent Y/L/N and they’re not to be underestimated.” Maria continues, you simply nod your head, rising your hands slightly letting her know you didn’t mean anything by your comment. “Our sources tell us that she will be hitting a children's ward at 0300 hours, you both have to observe from a distance and only engage when we give you the all-clear.”

“Copy that,” Clint says as he stands, you both make your way into the bedroom where your equipment was. Clint grabbed his suit and went to the bathroom to change. Quickly you changed into yours, it was a simple black with a few white highlights catsuit placing your tactical belt that houses a number of pockets containing multiple types of guns, grenades, and knives. You grab one extra knife and store it in the side of your boot when Clint came back in wearing his suit.

“You ready?” You ask smiling at him standing up. He lets out a chuckle going over to his own case grabbing out a quiver and a bow. You raise an eyebrow, “Really Fury cleared you to use that on the field?”

“He did, now let's go catch this Widow.”

—-

It was quickly approaching five am, Clint was located on a building at the Southeast exit, you were patrolling around every few mins to cover the other three, oddly jumping around the three other positions kept you from becoming bored. You both were advised to keep radio silence but for the past ten minutes you both decided against it.

“God, the left out this part out the job description,” you sigh jumping back to Clint’s position. He jumped slightly at your sudden appearance before nodding in agreement.

“Hopefully she makes a show soon,” He says looking back to the exit. You chuckle before jumping to the next position. “So, I’ve been thinking of asking Laura to marry me.”

“Bout damn time!” you reply letting the smile take over your face. Eyes scanning the exit one last time before jumping to your next position.

“I know,” he laughs and you let out a small chuckle feeling a warm glow of pride for your best friend. “Hey get back here, we got movement.”

Jumping back to Clint you follow his line of sight and see a woman with her hood up quickly leaving the hospital, moving a little to fast to be normal. Narrowing your eyes you couldn't help but get the nagging feeling that you knew her. A strong gust of wind caused her hood to fall revealing fiery locks of hair you knew could only belong to one person. Your stomach drops finally getting the answer to the question you asked near a decade ago, this is what she was trained to do. The radio chatter in your ear became distant as you stood there staring down at the woman who had been your first love, who was forced to kill you and now you were the one on the other side of the gun. Out the corner of your eye, you see Clint draw is bow…

Before you could tell him to stop he releases the arrow sending it soaring, panic and adrenalin began coursing through your veins. Before you could blink you where suddenly face to face with her. Her eyes wide in shock at your appearance, finding your own. Emerald green pierces through you.

“Y/N?” she whispers out in disbelief.

“Natalia,” You breath out, before your left shoulder erupts in pain. Your eyes widen in pain, as does Natalia’s seeing the arrow now lodged in your shoulder, feeling yourself fall to your knees Natalia’s hands bolt out to catch you. “Y/N!” You hear her shout as you're vision begins to tunnel before you sucrose to the darkness you hear a loud explosion from behind her. You knew as soon as you came back round you would get hell for compromising the mission but you didn’t care. Finally, you had Natalia back.

#black widow x reader #black widow aesthetic #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #natasha romonova #marvel x reader #marvel x you #queer fic #marvel fic #marvel

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nutbanana · 4 years

Text

haha whewwwwwww sis slap zimzalabim gays hello laid ease ! name is yuno title is local ghosting legend pronouns r she/her nd we are stuck with nutbanana until i come up w a sexie url <3 this is gna be new for those of u who know me but i’m gna be putting everything into a read more for now instead of slapping 3 links nd calling it a day so hold my hand 😳😳 and for those of u who don’t know me i have two hands for a Reason haha,, nd my disco is @ daddy yankee#7776 ! add me let’s go feral nd if u wna plot send me ur favorite heart emoji here or on disco <3

* // 𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 … /𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙼𝙰𝙽/𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙳𝙸𝚂𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 : umeko saito, also known as hermes, is wanted for grand larceny. she is a twenty two year old female who has ties to the mastermind because of a charity event she was the face of. 𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙾𝙲𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 : expensive fancy dresses, flirty stares from across the room, signing with red lipstick, a glass of champagne with diamonds in it. 𝙳𝙾 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴 𝙵𝙾𝚁 : minatozaki sana.

01. background info.

pinterest board ─── umeko saito, twenty two, up-and-coming actress, doesn’t like to label her orientation, would definitely be part of cherry twitter

full list of aesthetics so far ( core to what shaped her ) : eating fruit on a balcony in your silk pyjamas, signing with red lipstick, strap of your dress snapping, flirty stares from across the room, a glass of champagne with diamonds in it, cherries seductively held between lips, expensive fancy dresses

umeko was born and raised into one of the most expensive neighborhoods in manhattan, daughter to a magnate and a socialité nobody thought would get too far together. luxury was the norm from the get go, and the low profile kept by her parents didn’t quite make their name go unnoticed among the elite of new york. summers were spent in the hamptons and on expensive trips, walk-in wardrobe stranger to everything below high-end and glasses of champagne coming in early

stardom was always in the back of her head. she loves being the center of attention, all eyes on her for as long as she can attrack them, and so the hunger only grew bigger the older she got. in her young, twisted mind, there wasn’t anything more eternal than the ineradicable link between character and actor, and she loves playing the role. the first real taste of fame came only a few years ago, and it became insatiable almost insantly. she’s been on the rise ever since and has scored quite a few big roles to be proud of

j came into the picture at a point in umeko’s life where she was having fun, but it wasn’t enough. something more exciting, more thrilling was missing. and so they met at a charity event where rich people feel like they’re contributing something to society by bidding big money for famous paintings where umeko was one of the faces of said event. she did not hesitate to join him. after all, it makes her feel like she’s playing an even bigger, more dangerous role

her code name has a lot to do with her as a person ! as a lil taste before getting to it, initially, it was going to be loki, the most infamous trickster, but she felt it gave too much away too fast, and although she felt it was the perfect code name, she opted for someone whose trickster label got overshadowed by more important duties, and so it came to be hermes, who, in a way, is also perfect for her

02. personality breakdown.

umeko is........ an experience. she may be fun she may be chaotic

umeko saito’s biggest role is life itself, and she will die a legend or risk becoming a fraud. she was born yearning for attention, and she was born a trickster. she has always been manipulative, loved fooling and playing with people and twisting the narrative of herself, enamouring ( trapping ) others, a strange desire to be the dream girl. and she took it upon herself to make the world her personal stage. and maybe she has played the role for so long she has lost a bit of herself on the way, who knows !

everybody’s sweetheart, looks like a saint ─── yet is the devil holding a halo above their head. she loves to stir shit up, always up to something. won’t hesitate to create a scene if it’s needed, asked of her or solely because she’s bored. a lot of her boils down to being, getting bored. she’s a bit batshit, a bit unhinged <3

umeko is flirty. she likes to flirt, it’s fun, it’s another way to fool people, it’s entertaining, it feeds onto this being the girl of people’s dreams thing. it gets her things and opens ways for her, and she thrives off getting people hooked on her, specially men who think they got a chance with her ( they don’t )

she acts like a bimbo and surely looks like it but may not be one. or maybe she is. she could be a baby bimbo. an oblivious bimbo who plays the role of bimbo in real life. you decide because i can’t JKDGVDS

she’s dramatic to the v bone in more ways than one, loves bringing attention to herself and playing dumb, playing clumsy, an airhead, and she’s a bit of everything ( dumb, clumsy, airhead ), but she knows how to exaggerate it to her gain. u won’t catch her calling herself any of that tho

there really isn’t a big scheme, a big story, a trauma behind umeko’s behavior, some people are simply born certain way and she thrives off being this antagonistic, trickster being just because

03. headcanons.

she lives by herself in a duplex penthouse located on the top floor somewhere in manhattan, she bought it with her first big paycheck. she also has a smaller ( to...... her standards ) apartment she got for her 18th birthday from her parents, and it’s where she takes flings or people who aren’t that close to her as not to disclose her real home

she’s the type to break the strap of her dress before walking out of a store with paparazzis waiting outside for her and pose like she’s marilyn monroe fighting against a burst of air with her white dress, and she’s like “omg no ! the strap of my snapped ! what to do ! don’t take pics or maybe do aha x”

most definitely checks tabloids and stuff after she pulls one of those numbers to grab attention so she can see the reactions And the pics. also probably has a neat instagram feed

she’s the epitome of “all girls do is 🥺🥺🥺🥺” and “girls always trynna ‘🥺🥺🥺‘ their way out of everything”. that’s her

loves cute two pieces pyjamas. silk ones, velvet ones, lace ones, and especially the see-through robes with fur you pair up with cute lingerie and pieces. when at home she’s usually in those, long robe big fur glass of wine in hand, and if not she’s wearing an expensive baddie dress she has no business wearing for no reason

she enjoys dating on and off, having flings, random sex. usually nothing too serious and without too many strings to get tangled in. would she be able to commit ? yes, probably, she daydreams about it sometimes, but it wouldn’t be so easy

despite umeko’s passion for creating a scene and stirring up the pot, she isn’t mean, nor is she someone who is found in conflicts or fights often, if at all. she tends to get along well with everyone ─── she’s playful, a bit crazy, and fairly outgoing. she’s nice despite all her antics. but there is one person that brings out the worst of her, though: nandy freda richardson, fellow new york city socialité with a shared feud going twenty years strong ! they have known each other since they were little and it has kept escalating ever since 💔 it ranges from petty, insignificant antics to more serious, real shit stuff. the catalyst ? nandy somehow managing to make umeko lose a minor role on a small movie she was really anticipating. umeko’s response ? selling her out to aspen when he came asking for more intel on rich people he could rob: she gave him all the information he needed, carefully crafted a foolproof plan then gifted aspen an all - expenses luxury vacation to a destination of his choice <3 umeko was like yeah ? ok i lose my role and you lose your safety money and that one of a kind dress i wanted aha x

when she was sixteen her then boyfriend cheated on her with some chick. the lad pulled the infamous move of playing single and messing with the girl’s heart, so she was unaware of their relationship and was left as mortified as umeko. umeko, though, felt humiliated and, above everything, disrespected, and she also felt for the other girl who was just as much a victim as herself. so umeko made sure he regretted even thinking of disgracing their worth and set for revenge: over the span of a few years she snatched five consecutive girlfriends, one after the other <3 she also kept a good relationship with the girl he cheated on her with

#nocte:intro #i always start writin my intros @ dick in the morning nd then This happens .#wht if i become a y*outuber nd make tht my opening line . what do we think ladies #i woke up this morning nd decided i hated most of wht i had written so i had to restart <3

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smallhatlogan · 5 years

Text

Why Nonbinary Borderlands Fans are Mad About Zer0′s Pronouns, In a Timeline

2012

Zer0 was introduced in Borderlands 2 as a character meant to be absurdly mysterious in almost every way. Zer0 is apparently not their real name, they seem not to be human (but it’s unclear if they’re an alien, robot, or something else entirely), no one knows where they came from, etc. Still, in Borderlands 2, they defaulted to he/him, and was assumed male. It’s worth noting that Borderlands 2 also featured Bloodwing, Mordecai’s pet alien bird. In the original Borderlands Bloodwing was referred to as he/him, but switched between games to she/her. This is explained outside the game by Burch, who says that Bloodwing’s species changes gender halfway through life.

2013

Gearbox released the Diamond Plate Loot Chest. In it was the “Pandoran Gazette” an in-universe newspaper. It included an “Ask Doctor Tannis” advice column, the last question being:

Dear Doctor Tannis,

I have heard you are acquainted with the vault hunter known as "Zer0". I have been meaning to ask - that's not really his true name, is it? Hell, maybe Zer0 isn't even a "he". Do you have any details on this mysterious figure?

- Curious in Old Haven

Dear Curious,

I am indeed acquainted with the towering stack of leather and poorly-written poetry that so many refer to as "Zer0". As you have correctly noted, "Zer0" is not the Vault Hunter's true name. Zer0's actual name and gender are (CONTINUED ON PAGE 9)

Page 9 was not included. To my knowledge, this was where it was first seeded that Zer0 may not be male.

November 2, 2014

In a panel titled “Playing as a female character panel - Does it Matter” during PAX Australia, Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford discussed Zer0’s gender:

“The other things that’s interesting to me is sometimes when there’s characters that don’t have a gender or have an ambiguous gender I’ll choose them...In Borderlands 2 we left Zer0’s identity very ambiguous. What gender is he?” *crowd laughs* “We need better pronouns, don’t we? Don’t we need better pronouns?” (Timestamp)

“What’s the gender of Zer0?….That says more about me than it does say about Zer0, the fact that I use the pronoun he when I describe Zer0. In fact, um, we purposely have left Zer0’s gender ambiguous. There’s a lot of folks at Gearbox that like to think that maybe Zer0’s of a particular species that doesn’t have gender- That is more androgynous.” (Timestamp)

(Timeline continues under cut)

November 25th, 2014

The first episode of Tales From the Borderlands was released. Anthony Burch answered this question on his Ask.fm:

To my memory, tumblr blew up with excited nonbinary fans. Prior to seeing screenshots of this, I really didn’t have interest in Borderlands. The idea of a cool nonbinary character who used they/them pronouns, admist a virtual desert of representation, made me play through the entire series as fast as I could so I could catch up in time to see these pronouns in action. For a long time afterwards I’ve seen other nonbinary people expressing the same sudden interest in the series after learning this about Zer0. Because, yeah, it was a pretty big deal.

2015:

Zer0 appeared again in episode 5 of Tales, released almost a year later after the first. Their voice had changed to one that sounds more ambiguous in terms of gender, but Zer0 was still being referred to as “he/him”. Anthony Burch was one of the writers on this episode. Afterward, he answered this on his ask.fm:

Since he claimed it was honestly a mistake, nonbinary fans held out hope. There were posts going around tumblr clarifying that yes, Zer0 was still nonbinary, and still was meant to use they/them pronouns. It was just a mistake made by a thoughtless cisgender man. Of course, then some presumably-cisgender fan goes to Burch, and validates him, because clearly a character can’t just up and CHANGE pronouns! It’s not like anyone ever does that in real life!

It’s not a fair point. It’s a dumb point from someone who has no stakes in this. (Another thing worth noting is it has only been other characters who referred to Zer0 as he/him. Zer0 has never made a point of standing up for their own pronouns.) After this Burch just kind of gives up on the whole idea.

This statement about characters being “progressive enough not to misgender someone” is weird, because the characters, even the sympathetic ones, in Borderlands have often blatantly failed to be progressive. The original Borderlands has the worst of it, it’s your basic 2009 edgelord shit. There’s blatant misogyny, not to mention the extremely homophobic joke surrounding Mr. Shank (and within that the transphobic joke about his girlfriend being a man in a wig). Burch only started writing for the game in Borderlands 2, however. It’s a huge step up, but there’s still a lot of bigotry. Captain Scarlett makes a “no fatties” joke. Mr Torgue fat-shames Ellie. Mr Torgue uses the R-slur. Multiple characters slut-shame Moxxi. Incest jokes surrounding Scooter, who also is implied to be a huge creep towards women. Heck, there’s the entirety of Sir Hammerlock’s Big Game Hunt DLC is a racist, colonialist mess. Its antagonist is implied to be gay, one of two gay male characters introduced thus far, and he’s a pathetic, creepy stalker. This is the game series where there are two common enemy types whose names are straight up ableist. So citing characters as being “too progressive” rings hollow with this context. Besides, trans people are often misgendered, even by people who’d otherwise be considered progressive. Burch left Gearbox the same year, so he’s not entirely to blame for what anything afterwards. He just set a pretty bad precedent.

2019:

Gearbox did seem to take the “make a new nonbinary character” thing to heart. They give us Fl4k, again a nonhuman character, who uses they/them pronouns. And okay, I love Fl4k, but like most nonbinary people I’m tired of all nonbinary characters being robots, aliens, or otherwise non-human in appearance (a trope that yes, Zer0 falls into as well). Still, Fl4k is cute and having a nonbinary playable character who uses they/them pronouns is cool! I definitely plan to play as them. Many nonbinary fans were suspicious though, it seemed likely that Fl4k might be meant to appease us and they could keep on using he/him for Zer0. We were proven right when they released the gameplay preview on May 1st. We hear Zer0 called “he”. None of us are surprised, but it still hurts, we felt like we’d been baited with Zer0. Besides, why can only one character at a time be nonbinary? Why can a bird change pronouns but not a person? Why was a writer allowed to go out and promise this if it wasn’t going to be followed through on (yes, he didn’t use the word “promise” but telling a marginalized group something like that isn’t something you can just “forget” without people feeling betrayed)?

And that’s where we’re at, as of me writing this. I feel like there are some comments I’m bound to get on this, so I’ll answer them here: Why are you making such a big deal about this?

Me typing a few paragraphs isn’t making a big deal. But I feel misled and baited. After a few years of no clarification after Burch promising us they/them Zer0, a lot of people hung on to hope. A lot of people became big fans of Zer0 because they’re a fun, badass, nonbinary character. Their design is really, really rad! And heck, they were (at least for a time) the most popular playable character in Borderlands 2. Telling everyone, in-game, “actually Zer0 was never really a he, they’ve been a ‘they’ this whole time” would have been HUGE. Like how Blizzard made Overwatch’s poster girl, Tracer, canonically a lesbian, and then revealed their badass gruff guy (who fills the roll of your basic FPS protagonist), Soldier 76, to be a gay man. They/them are still not widely accepted pronouns. For us who use them, it’s difficult to convince people not to default to something gendered. Especially when we fail to appear completely androgynous. I’ve been told Zer0 can’t possibly be nonbinary because they have a deep voice and “masculine” body shape. But real nonbinary people come in all shapes and sizes with all kinds of voices!

What about Fl4k?

As I said, I’m very happy about Fl4k. They fall into some problematic tropes even more than Zer0 (as Fl4k is verified beyond a doubt to be a robot, and has an “acceptable” androgynous shape to them). I don’t know their voice yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if it also fell into the category of “acceptably androgynous”. Fl4k is new and already “they/them”. Zer0 is an established character who already has a lot of fans among a bunch of different groups of people. There’s definite value in demonstrating a character can switch pronouns, since pretty much every nonbinary person who uses they/them haven’t used those pronouns their entire life. Besides, there can and should be more than one nonbinary character. Fl4k being nonbinary but not Zer0 kind of feels like Gearbox expects us to shut up and be happy with what we’re given.

What about nonbinary people who use he/him pronouns? Can’t Zer0 be that?

Those people are real and valid. However, we’re talking about real people versus a fictional character. I admit I’d feel better if it was stated, in-game, “Yeah, Zer0 is nonbinary and uses he/him”. But even then, it’s REALLY EASY for cisgender people to ignore that information and write Zer0 off as male (And knowing gearbox, they’d put it somewhere easily missed. I’ve surprised so many straight people who’d played through Borderlands 2 with the fact that Sir Hammerlock is gay, simply because it was only verified in a side quest). And you know, we were promised they/them, so like, not doing that kind of sucks. Also I think it’s really important to normalize they/them.

So what are we supposed to do about this? What do you expect to change, anyways?

Honestly? I don’t expect Gearbox to fix this so late. In all likelihood, that’s way too much dialogue to re-record. But I still think it’s worth making our voices heard. We shouldn’t silently put up with this kind of thing. Other people will pull the same shit, being either unsympathetic or unaware of the harm they do. And heck, it’s unlikely, but maybe Gearbox will at least acknowledge their wrongdoing.

Also, it’s maybe worthwhile to ignore canon, and keep referring to Zer0 as “they/them”, or if this whole thing is news to you, it’s not too late to start. It would mean a lot to nonbinary fans, and make a point about how Zer0 is regarded.

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #zer0 the assassin #misgendering #tftbl #anthony burch #zer0 #nonbinary #transgender #representation

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bewareofchris · 5 years

Text

Public Relations 8/??

R atm | Alec Hardy/Dr. Bill Masters | Broadchurch, Masters of Sex | Strong language, eventual sexual situations

“The fact that Alec Hardy was not currently, had not ever, and did not want to date the American sex research did not seem very important at all to the town of Broadchurch. They did what they had always done with a little bit of juicy gossip: they made a spectacle of it.”

<<prev

The knocking was more like tapping. It was a sound that was asking politely not to be heard. Bill would have been just as happy to pretend he hadn’t heard it, but he had. While he’d been called everything from bastard to motherfucker to asshole he had never actually been called impolite. No, Bill Masters was (at his core) the a technically polite person. It was that sense of obligation that dragged him from his bed, that found yesterday’s shirt to pull on and shuffled him from bedside to door. His sluggish feet and his blurry eyes had taken a half-breath too long because the knocking had ceased and the space in front of his door was empty.

Alec was striding away from him, moving with more energy and purpose than a man with a heart like his could really afford.

“Did you need something?” Bill called. He kept one hand on his own door and one foot in his own doorway. He was wearing nothing but his white boxers and yesterday’s button down; it simply wouldn’t help matters if he was caught chasing after the man.

Alec turned before he got to the steps, turned and looked at him with pinched disappointment, and then acute embarrassment. He jerked forward, like he was being pulled by the belt, and was back at Bill’s door in a minute. “Get back in there,” was a rush of words almost unidentifiable as English.

“Oh yes, this is much better,” Bill said when he’d been successfully crowded back into his room. He was standing inside the doorway and Alec was leaning in like he could actually use his stick-thin body to hide him.

“I lived through the night,” Alec stated.

“Congratulations,” Bill said. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’ve got to go,” Alec said instead. He didn’t bother to mention why he had to go, and he didn’t stay to explain why he’d gone out of his way to let Bill know about his continued survival. Instead he turned and walked away. “Close the door,” he called back over his shoulder. He was still muttering as he went down the stairs and out of sight.

Bill meant to do as he was told (but not because he was told) but just before he could get the door fully shut, he saw a brown haired woman staring at him with her mouth gaping open in shock and her eyes lighting up in absolute delight. Bill had enough experience to know, long before the woman moved to raise her camera phone, that he was standing half-dressed opposite a reporter. Instinct moved him before his conscious mind could catch up with him. He slammed the door shut and flicked the lock into place and stood inside breathing harder than any man who hadn’t moved an inch should.

“Fuck,” he said to the empty room. (And then he thought of Betty, lovely-lovely Betty who had sent him away to get his life together. Who had told him to move on. Who would be as delighted as that reporter to think that Bill Masters was having a gay fling and even more delighted to know the fully stupid situation he found himself in. Betty would take one look at Alec Hardy and grimace to herself, she’d assess his skinny limbs and shake her head in remorse. She’d tell him that there was no accounting for taste.)

It was as inconceivable to him that the Danny Latimer case could be solved with the unlikely reappearance of a skateboard as it was that it was being prevented from being solved by a God-damn dog.

A fucking dog.

No, not just a dog, it was a woman with a cruel face and a dog. No, not just a woman with a cruel face and a dog but a woman with a cruel face, a dog, and the unbelievable criminal that had taken the dog. What sort of man took someone’s dog?

Maybe it was the same sort of man as the reporters that were flocked around the Broadchurch Echo hoping to catch any indication of what was happening. Maybe it was the same sort of person as Olly Stevens who had stared at him with particular interest throughout the arrest of Susan Wright. The stupid, young boy hoping to be a proper reporter had followed after him like an over-eager puppy.

Hardy didn’t like any reporter but he especially didn’t like any reporter that didn’t have a head for what was and wasn’t a good idea. The sort that interrupted a man at lunch to ask him questions that had no worth to them. But Olly was a dumb bloodhound, following any scent that he didn’t recognize.

“DI Hardy,” he said when there were far more important things to worry about.

“No questions,” Hardy said.

“No, it’s not about the case,” Olly said. “I was just wondering if you would comment on the rumors--”

“No,” Hardy said.

“It’s just that I heard from an eye witness that you--”

Hardy had been walking away because he was trying to solve a murder, but the puppy at his back hadn’t stopped following him the whole time. Maggie was back in the doorway of the Broadchurch Echo frowning from a distance but not moving an inch to intervene. Hardy could see her out of the corner of his eye when he turned around to face Olly, he took a step forward toward the idiot and Maggie finally moved. Hardy said, “tell them all to leave it. There’s real news and there’s gossip and it’s about time you learned the difference between the two.”

Maggie was there in a second, sliding herself into the confrontation without prompting. “Alright, alright,” she said, “come on petal,” was directed at Olly, “we’ve had a long night. Let the police do their work.”

Hardy was frowning in disgust, and thrumming with outrage. He turned around to find Miller standing there looking repentant and concerned. She was smart enough to know that nothing could be said that would make anything better. Maybe she’d only been amused when she found him with Bill, maybe she’d only told one other person and only because Hardy was a unfriendly and friendless shitface. But they were here now, and there was no going back.

But that was hours back, before a headache, and a lost fucking dog.

Miller came to find him in his office, looking sorry and carrying whatever passed for lunch today. She didn’t ask him if he wanted it (because that too was a lost cause) but step forward to set the package on the desk. She lingered at the door a moment before she finally said: “Sir. I didn’t mean--”

“Doesn’t matter,” Hardy said. He leaned back into the chair. “Find the dog yet?”

“We’ve got everyone looking,” she assured him.

“Good. We need the dog.” And that was, as far as he was concerned, all that needed to be said about that.

But Miller stayed another moment and then said, “I am sorry.”

Hardy said nothing, and Miller nodded to herself and went back to her desk. As soon as she was gone, he picked up the lunch and dropped it in the wastebasket. (And it was childish, and stupid, and unkind but he could be those things if he wanted.)

next >>

@it-is-ineffable, @marvelmisha, @e3105eb, @may-darling, @bigleosis, @jiffry6969,

#illogical husbands #grouchy bastards in love #public relations: the fic

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sunflowercherrypeaches · 4 years

Text

Buckle up it's rant time

Reddit used to be my go to for Harry Styles content before I discovered this place, y'know, just over there it's just discussions about the albums, which songs we like best, occasional fan art and photos of him etc. Yesterday I posted the birthday cake my partner and children made me to here and to the Harry subreddit. It was tongue in cheek, my partner is not keen at all on Harry's music, and jokingly teases me because it's the first time in years I've been this into a fandom. Emphasis on joking, we both understand that I love his music, and other than that this is just a silly celebrity crush. Everyone has them, it doesn't affect our relationship (10 years, two kids, going strong, we have our moments but generally it's great) in any way. If anything it's improved it because thanks to Harry, his music and his whole ethos, and honestly to you guys on here as well, I've become a more open person, more comfortable in my own skin, more confident.

My kids know I like Harry's music, they talked about what kind of birthday cake I would like, my three year old daughter suggested Peppa pig because that's her favourite, but they decided I'd prefer Harry. It was cute and it was a nice gesture and honestly a bit of an in joke, hence the baby Harries all over it (I started kicking Harry last November, wasn't a baby Harry kind of girl).

Anyway, I know there's a lot of gross subreddits out there, I've never really interacted or engaged with them, I've definitely never been dragged by them, until yesterday. Someone came across my cake post and posted it to r/consumeproduct.

Take a look at their wonderful comments:

Comments like 'Degenerate is probably a homosexual' just SHOWS you what kind of people these are. To imply that anyone gay is a degenerate is just disgusting bigotry, and to not understand that people of any sexual orientation can refer to their significant other as their partner… is just dumb as fuck. Partner… we've been together 10 years, we have two children together, boyfriend doesn't really cut it but we're not engaged or married so husband isn't right either. Is partner a British thing? Does it mean something else in other nations? What?

Apparently he's a cuck and a simp for allowing me to have a celebrity crush. Or maaaaybe we're just secure enough in our relationship that we know that celebrity crushes don't mean anything. Yes I spend some of my free time reblogging Harry content, I guess if you just look at my Tumblr or Reddit you might assume it's all-consuming but it's not. People have lives outside of these websites. I like a lot of things that are not Harry Styles. The fact that I choose to use this site or that site solely based on that topic does not negate the rest of my hobbies or life. The fact that I draw his face and share the picture doesn't mean I don't draw anything else. The fact that I listen to his music and discuss it, does not mean I don't ever listen to anything else. It just means there's a community of people in that place that I like sharing and discussing that particular thing with. There are other communities that I share other things with. Me being a bit self aware and making jokes about being obsessed or being enabled, doesn't mean I'm actually obsessed or being enabled.

But really, I couldn't care less about them dragging me for fancying a celebrity. We like and look up to people we respect. I have literally no qualms about fancying Harry fucking Styles. I couldn't really care less about them dragging me for any of it, I actually think it's hilarious reading their assumptions about my life based off a picture of cake.

What bothers me is the whole subreddit. It's gone past the point of mocking consumerism and now just mocks people for enjoying literally anything. You want to own a nice house one day? Fuck you consumer bitch. You like music, movies, pop culture of any kind? Fuck you consumer bitch. You like recording yourself playing guitar and posting it for others to see? Fuck you musical consumer bitch. You like porn? Super fuck you consumer bitch. You like a toothbrush with a rainbow on it? Fuck you LGBT+ consumer bitch.

These are ACTUAL things they are dragging people for.

Why are people so filled with hate that they can't even stand that other people enjoy things? What kind of lives do they live that they apparently like nothing other than spouting hate about the things other people LIKE? Simply things that other people get enjoyment from. It's completely laughable.

I feel bad for them that they feel so superior that they apparently can't get any enjoyment from music, books, movies...

Sure consumerism and capitalism are bad but not everything we consume is bad. People discussing and sharing their favourite artists, characters, things you hope to have or achieve etc isn't the same as tweeting about how much you love that big brand of cola. But also if you love that big brand of cola, you do you. People are allowed to like what they like. Sure, you're allowed an opinion of that if you really need to have one, but why? What do you gain from shitting on things that others enjoy?

I can't say this loud enough, but:

TPWK

#to anyone that read that essay to yhe end #thanks for hanging on in there #rant #needed to get that off my chest #reddit #why are some people such dicks?#treat people with kindness #harry styles #yes i fucking love him

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gamerwoo · 4 years

Note

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 19, and 20

1: What are some of your pet peeves when reading fanfic that you try to avoid in your writing?

This is gonna sound so dumb but using like I/me instead of you/your. I can’t read a fic in first person I’m s o r r y. And I only did it once for a joke fic

2: What’s a trope you hate?

Honestly I can’t think of one rn. I know there used to be certain aus I hated but I can’t think of a trope I hate. But I’ll probably think of one eventually lmao

3:What’s a trope you love?

Enemies to lovers!! I feel like I don’t talk about it often but since I’m a big grump I love it lmao

4:What’s a guilty pleasure trope for you?

Answered

5:Share one of your favourite lines or short excerpts.

First thing that came to mind was from Be Gay, Do Crimes (which is a Chani fic and I know SF9 is slept on but listen it’s a good fic anyway)

“What do we need that’s in Super Mart?” you questioned.

“Do you remember those chips that I hoarded for an entire summer?” he asked.

“The…spicy….cheesy things or whatever…?” you trailed off, not remembering the name but remembering that Chani was stupidly obsessed with them.

“They were sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips, _____,” he stated matter-of-factly, “and Super Mart was the only place that ever sold them. And I require said chips.”

“Chani, you literally work at a corner store. You get chips for free.”

“But they’re not sweet ‘n’ spicy cheesy chips.”

“They’re also not stale! Whatever food is left in that place is going to be well passed its due date!”

“But they’re not special discontinued chips, _____,” Zuho spoke up to defend his friend.

You just rolled your eyes and let out a sigh, “Whatever, can we go now then?”

“Yeah,” Chani replied simply, turning to thank his friend again before he left right on your heels. “Are you ready to have a feast, _____?”

You scoffed, “I’m not eating anything from Super Mart. That place closed a year ago, and everything in there is bound to be disgusting.”

“Then I guess you’re not eating tonight,” he shrugged as he passed you on the stairs. “Good thing you had two cake pops, huh?”

You frowned, almost growling as he taunted you, “You ate the first one, fuckhead!”

19:What was your first story you ever wrote?

I can’t remember. I think it was some story I had to write in first grade and it was about the beaver or woodchuck or something that was always in my yard

20:What was your first fanfic you ever wrote?

Technically it was some fic I made on twitlonger and it was a Big Time Rush one. But my first official one was on Wattpad and I can’t remember what it was called but it was a One Direction fic and it was this girl getting revenge on Harry and Zayn for whatever reason

more fanfic asks!!!

#sadienita

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thefoxesboxes · 6 years

Text

A Gathering of Guys

Time to get back into the saddle on these reviews! This one has been a long time coming, something I honestly meant to review many months ago. But, between teaching English and travelling around the world, this writing fox has had a significant decrease in available brainpower. Did watching this movie for a second time help? Will it have passed the vulpine standards check? Look under the cut to find out as we discuss the “First R-Rated CGI Cartoon”, Sausage Party.

To begin, I will preface two things. First, I love animation. The creativity and freedom that can be made from almost any kind of animated movie has always been an easy way to make me happy. Look at movies like Zootopia, Spirited Away, and even Aladdin. These movies are each dramatically different in tone, style, and overall thematics. But they’re all some of my favorite movies. Even if I think CGI is overdone in the modern animation market, it still doesn’t detract from my love of watching something creative and fresh.

I also don’t mind movies that are using raunchy or vulgar humor. A movie like Deadpool can make me laugh pretty hard at the stupid jokes and over the top violence that it employs. A movie like this should use the language and themes to push the style of the movie. Is it a violent story with a murderous mercenary hell bent on revenge? Yeah, dark and violent, but add in the fun. These things can break up the movie into a more manageable tone than most people would like. Look at the difference in things like DC and Marvel, or new Ghostbusters and old Ghostbusters. That’s a coming review, by the way.

So the big point is that this movie is awful. It’s a raunchy and joke filled movie, but it’s never creative. It’s like someone took the movie FoodFight and pushed up the production quality and age rating. The movie is graphic, violent, and full of warnings for mature content and imagery. The whole movie tries very, very hard to make sure you know that this is mature and grown up.

Maturity, in this sense, means something that says the word ‘fuck’ approximately 1.85 times a minute, often in heavy bursts. Maturity is something that makes incredibly sophomoric and heavy handed assertions about the nature of religion and real life interactions between thousand year old cultures. Mature is when you have the movies plotline come to a screeching halt to constantly point out how edgy you are over and over again. Mature, in this sense, is being a 15 year old on Reddit screaming about how you took the red pill and don’t believe in things like religion, man.

There is nothing really mature here. At all.

“Just the tips” What the fuck is a tip? Your finger? Why does a hotdog have a glove but the lady doesn’t? Save it. It’ll keep.

But let’s talk detail. First, the movie has a song. It’s not a bad song, at least for how it’s written and sung. It’s really mostly just kind of tuneless and shifts a lot into ways that obviously want to invoke religious worship songs, but doesn’t do that very well. The song does a great job of setting the tone of this movie, which is “Religious people are dumb, ya here?”. It’s not really something I want to get into, but it slides nicely into the hotdog bun of hatred I have for this movie.

The writing.

As mentioned, the writing is self-congratulatory about the idea of being R-rated when it doesn’t know what that should mean. It decided to go out of its way to be a cartoon about hotdogs and sex before seemingly having any direction, as the world itself and characters are all over the place. Do they make any particular point using food that couldn’t be done with a different material? Nope. Do they make timely or classical references throughout the movie? Well, Meatloaf plays a singing Meatloaf. They make a “To Sir with Love” reference, which intrudes on one of my absolutely favorite films ever. Saving Private Ryan? Not exactly timeless.

But the writing reflects worst on characters and dialogue. While the voice acting is, mostly, fine it’s really just the characters are a bunch of assholes. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Han Solo doesn’t believe in the Force and Luke lectures him despite having learned about it that afternoon? That happens about atheism. Our beef tube hero who’s name I really don’t care to remember (it’s Frank) learns that the Gods are evil people who eat them! Oh no! So he immediately starts bashing everyone for believing in the Gods that he believed in until literally an hour ago. He makes no good points, he seems ridiculously hypocritical, and he’s just kind of a douche.

A running theme in this movie, the main villain is a literal douche. A douche who gets a tear and loses his douchey fluids, so he needs to replenish them to restore his superpowers. This begins with him forcefully and graphically violating a damaged juice container in a way obviously reminiscent of forceful oral sex. This scene was the first one that was simply disgusting, including him commenting that he’s “Juicin’ up” to reference steroids. A rape scene, classy as hell. This only continues as this literal douche walks about to murder the main heroes will constantly repeating the same joke over and over again. His plans involved him being able to teleport, his reason for revenge was almost understandable, but being a rapist murderer really made me not care about this villain.

Also. This joke. Five fucking times.

Other than the Frankfurter Hero and Douchey Villain, we have side characters. Jewish Bagel, Mexican Lesbian Taco, overly voluptuous hotdog bun, Muslim/Middle Eastern lavash, gay Twinkee, black grits, and Firewater. These stereotypes are the closest thing to characters that exist in this film and they mostly exist pretty much solely within those roles. They exist to either be stereotypes, be annoying, or try to poke mature points at the concept of geographically interconnected regions and classically dependent cultures having feuds with each other. But let’s talk about that in terms of the world.

These foods exist for, what, a week? They exist in the same aisles, for the same goals, and often have to interact with each other for their entire existence. Their existences, mind you, which are created for explicit purpose. Why do they have different viewpoints of the Gods, to the point where it is this disseminated? Is it to make a point about the rapid distribution of altering ideals among short lived humanity? I don’t know, it just seems to be extremely crass ways to point out that these things exist and are stupid. Again a running theme.

The last major theme I want to mention is consistency. A world needs to be made in a way that follows an internal logic. Yes, magic should be explained, a world should be detailed, and even comedy should follow some form and function. If there is no law dictated within the world, then there’s no reason for me to really pay attention to what you’re doing. It’s all just whitenoise for the pretense of having jokes.

This movie fails worldbuilding with a capital F and a giant minus. The food is alive, so are douches and some other inanimate objects! But things like shoes and ladles are not, why? Why isn’t the knife alive? When we open up a thing of off brand Mentos, each of those little mints is alive. Is this things ass full of living organisms that will proceed to exist in total isolation until released? If I make a sandwich, is it a composite of painfully attached different creatures to each other? They did show that composite foods exist as a single entity, so does that mean that pushing cheese and wheat germ together creates a new living entity? The entire idea doesn’t make sense when you show that some things would require the painful things to exist. Pizza, sandwiches, all of it. How does it work? The movie doesn’t tell you.

This line here indicates that the peanut butter, married to jelly, is only alive as it is the container. But why isn’t the bag the hotdogs were in alive, or the box? There’s no sense to be had in this madness. Just extremely dry hotdogs.

Not that the external world is any better. Remember in Toy Story where the toys could move and had to very specifically hide that fact? Yeah, this movie says fuck it. Some of the foods move and we see people view it as a hot dog rolling around. But then the hot dog gets up, dodges, ducks, dips, dives, and dodges. They even stab a hot dog standing up in the middle of the air, or they can run across the street. Do people see them or not? It’s pointed out that they need to be literally high on bath salts to see the food moving, but then can the food interact with the world when not on bath salts? How come the food never moves and people don’t notice it? Why do I even watch anything attached to Seth Rogan? Why did you ruin my night, Seth?

This isn’t even getting into the ending. The movie ended two separate times at the end, once when the orgy of murder happened, and once when the orgy that murdered the movie happened. There’s a full orgy, it takes actually 5 minutes to get through. Does it add to the plot? Nope. Does it push anything? Nah, it’s also the scaled down version from the honestly horrifying original script Seth Rogan spent years drafting up. Fuck him so much.

There’s also a murder orgy where the food kills everyone. Apparently we can’t beat hotdogs. Who knew? A guy gets turned into a testicle puppet by the douche, carries a giant revolver that apparently has 8 bullets in it. They make Terminator and Wizard of Oz references. A merry time was had by apparently a lot of people that aren’t me.

Also, the food smoke weed that is… Apparently not alive? Why is the marijuana not alive? Fuck it. Probably some stupid point.

The main point is this. The movie contains many flaws and

Fuck this movie. Fuck you Seth Rogan for your grinning assholery. Fuck the critics who think this movie is an insightful and raunchy godsend so they can openly enjoy cartoons. Fuck the idea that this movie grossed tons of money and will probably get some kinda sequel or spinoff. Fuck the media that believes that maturity is the juvenile banter of an idiot who cannot stop dragging his political diatribes into a different subject. And fuck this movie for killing any chance Kubo and the Two Strings had of being a financial success.

Summary? This movie is crass, brash, vulgar and tasteless. It’s also somehow not brave enough to say anything that has any real merit or in a way that’s unique. It’s a movie obsessed with its own egotistical idea of being the ‘first’ but has no idea of how to make that something worth seeing. This movie is just a waste of time. It’s a mix of immature and well past it’s expiration date.

#sausage party #movie review #review #bottom of the barrel #angry #animated #fox box season 3 #I will be here

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iadorayou-blog · 5 years

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After our kiss, I laid my head on Lance's chest like a pillow and we continued to watch the movie. I paid more attention to Lance’s steady breathing than the dialogue of the movie. It was soft and calm. He sounded completely at ease. I felt that way too. Lance just did that to me he just made me feel happy and comforted. I wish I could feel this way all the time.

“Hey, Keith do you hear that?” Lance ripped me out of my trance focused on the subtle rise and fall of his chest.

“No, hear what?” I asked trying to listen to whatever he was hearing.

“It’s like a phone buzzing but mines right here not buzzing.” He said showing me his phone with one notification from Pidge that read ‘you’re a loZer ;-P.’

I looked around for my phone not finding it, “shoot I think I set it down on your bed while we were building the fort.” Lance paused the movie to let me crawl out and get it, “oh I forgot to tell Allura that I left with you she’s been texting and calling. I should call her back give me a second.”

“Feel free. If you wanna step out into the hall you can too.” Lance replied. I opted to stay in his room pacing around the fort.

“Hey, Allura,”

“Keith are you okay? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for so long!” She yelled.

“I know I’m sorry I forgot to tell you I went home with Lance,” I explained

“Oh? I didn’t think you were that type of person Keith.”

“Not like that Allura. We’re just watching a movie. You do owe me brownies though.” She shrieked of excitement I’m sure Lance was able to hear because it practically burst my eardrum.

“Tell me all about it what happened? Did y’all kiss? Did y’all confess? Is that why you didn’t answer the phone because you were kissing?”

“Allura I already said not like that but I am staying the night and I’ll tell you when I get home tomorrow, we’re kinda hanging out right now I just wanted you to know I was okay and safe.”

“Fine just” She paused as if she was searching for the right words, “use a condom.” She finished before abruptly hanging up. I grunted really hoping Lance did not hear any of what Allura said.

I crawled back in the fort to join Lance, “sorry about that,” I started before being cut off.

“Allura is funny.” He teased.

“You heard all that?” I asked timidly.

“Mmmhhhmmmm,” he hummed in response.

“Well pretend you didn’t.” I Burris’s my face in his chest to hide my embarrassment. He soothingly petted my hair.

“Don’t worry I didn’t hear a thing I don’t even know what thing we could be talking about.” He said jokingly. “Now let’s get back to the movie,” he gently shook me to signal I souls turn around and watch.

“But I’m comfy right here,” I groaned my words being muffled by his chest.

“I call bs I am like mostly ribs I doubt you're comfortable.”

“Physically I’ve been better but emotionally I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever been.”

“Well you can still snuggle up to my chest just turn around so you can watch one of my favorite movies with me,” his tone almost a whine, “pretty please?”

“Fine, but you gotta give me a kiss.” I turned over to face him.

He leaned in, “Glad to know I’m not the only one able to be bribed with kisses.” Our lips met again for another soft and sensual kiss. When we pulled back we lingered just inches apart starring into each other’s eyes. “You’re cute,” he started, “I can’t wait until we’re sober and we can make out.”

“Did you already forget about the movie?” I giggled at him.

“Yes. You’re very distracting,” He grinned, “but for real let’s get back to this movie.”

We continued to watch the movie snuggled together. Lance was such a romantic, he loved sweet kisses, snuggles, and quiet intimacy in general. He simply enjoyed just being with someone he likes. I could tell because the smile hardly left his face. He would kiss the top of my head from time to time as if to remind me he was there.

We continued on like this for a while, I could tell why Lance wanted to watch this movie so bad. It’s probably some of the best representation the gays have. To be fair we don’t have a lot but even if we did this would still be some of the best. It kept us engaged and invested. The movie ended with the main character and his love interest kissing on the Ferris Wheel.

“Keith we should go to the state fair when it comes around,” Lance said excitedly.

“Why do you wanna kiss on top of the Ferris wheel just like they did?” I joked.

“I mean it would be cute but I mostly go through the mirror maze with you and play all those games that you have to shoot like a bottle or something because I have incredible aim.” He bragged, “I’m gonna win you a prize.”

“Well, what if I wanna win you a prize?” I turned to face him when the credits started to roll.

“I mean it’s not like I can stop you.” He said, “I do need to stop the feeling if chlorine on my skin though,” he started to pull away, “so I’m going to need you to let go of me so I can go shower.”

But I just clung to him tighter, “Um no we’re not allowed to stop cuddling that’s illegal.”

“I mean, you could always join me,” he smirked playfully at me.

“Lance,” they “I know I know we agreed but you didn’t want to let go so I had to offer. Besides it was a joke,” he paused before he quietly continued, “mostly.”

“Fine, I will release you from my grasp to go shower.” I let go of him but he didn’t move.

“You have to shower after me though, I don’t want my bed to smell like chlorine.” He kissed my forehead and got up to shower. I rolled to the center of the fort and shrouded myself in the blankets and my eyes were difficult to keep open. I dug around for my phone to look for the time. It was only midnight but it felt more like three in the morning. I skimmed my notifications seeing mostly ones from Instagram stating Allura was going live. There was a text from Shiro, “so I hear you have a boyfriend now ;)” followed by, “if he breaks your heart I will break him in half, but in other news, I too have a boyfriend now!”

I quickly typed out a reply, “actually Lance isn’t my boyfriend we just kissed and now I’m at his house but with the way, he’s talking I bet we’ll be boyfriends soon.”

“Wait it’s Lance? All Allura said was that you had a boyfriend. Did my flirting tips work?” He replied so fast it seemed like he was waiting.

“Yeah it’s Lance and no your flirting tips didn’t work I didn’t even try them. Adam’s flirting tips worked.”

“Speaking of Adam”

“I knew he liked you!” I replied before he was done typing.

“He’s my boyfriend. Wait how did you know I just found out????”

“Shiro he was flirting with you in front of me during our weekly Skype call. You’re just dumb.”

“Okay yeah, but you don’t have to say it.”

“ANYWAYS I’m happy for you but if he hurts you I will destroy his entire bloodline.”

“Thank you and I’ll let him know LOL!!!!”

“Please never type that again.”

“Don’t tell me what to do u r a minor go to bed.”

“Lance is in the shower and he won’t let us get into his bed until we shower so I’m waiting on the floor in our fort.”

“Well, nap on the floor you should rest u need beauty sleep you look like an ogre in the morning.”

“Thanks, I hate u goodnight”

“I’m joking but you never get enough sleep anyways”

With that, I put my phone back at my side and settled into the blankets again and shut my eyes. I was out like a light. I’ve always been a light sleeper but that night for some reason I fell asleep hard and fast. I didn’t even hear Lance get out of the shower. It didn’t feel like much time had passed before Lance was by my side trying to wake me up.

“Keith… wake up… Keith…” He was gently nudging me waiting for me to open my eyes.

“Mmmmmmmmm, don't wanna…” I groaned.

“Keith if you don’t shower tonight you’ll feel gross in the morning. Also, you need to finish your drink and take some vitamins or you’ll wake up with a hangover,” I groaned at him again, “I promise you you’ll feel better in the morning I put a towel and pajamas on the counter for you and started up the shower so it’s warm.”

“Fine.” I reached out for him to help me up.

“I’ll clean up out here, pull out the vitamins you need, and be in bed ready to cuddle you until you fall asleep again, okay?” I nodded and went to the bathroom. Discarded my clothes onto the floor and hopped into the shower, he was right it was warm and it felt nice to clean off.

I completed my regular shower routine and got out I dried off and put on the clothes Lance left out for me. One of his t-shirts and a plush pair of fleece pajama pants. It was so much more comfortable than what I had been wearing. Also, the added comfort that they were Lance’s.

I went back into his room and just as he said the fort was completely cleaned up and he was in his bed playing some game on his phone.

“There’s the beautiful boy!” I blushed, “your drink and some vitamins are on my desk: a low dose of over the counter iron supplements, calcium chews, vitamin D, and some melatonin.” He pointed to the corner of his desk where my drink and the vitamins he listed sat out ready for me. I chewed up the calcium gummy and then took the pills with my drink finishing it off. Lance lifted the cover and patted the space in the bed next to him. I crawled under the covers and snuggled up to him nuzzling my head into his chest. Lance hit a button on his phone that turned off the lights and combed his fingers through my hair and once again that night I was out like a light.

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