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doomedandstoned · 4 years

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Konvent Debut Neck-Breaking Death Doom Masterpiece

~By Willem Verhappen~

It's not often that I'm impressed by a demo, but every so often Bandcamp treats me to something special, a diamond in the rough. It was only last year that I came across the 2017 demo of Danish death doomers , but it stuck with me. This demo promised me a good mix of stuff I like, namely nasty death doom with some catchy stoner hooks molded into it. Just listen to "Square" to see what I mean. I'm happy to say that I wasn't the only one impressed by the demo, because Austrian metal merchants Napalm Records once again prove that they have an ear for talent, picking up Konvent and releasing their debut record, 'Puritan Masochism' (2020).

Listening to Puritan Masochism makes it clear that these women have developed their sound quite a bit in the last couple of years. The stoner influences are pushed to the background. What remains is crushing, relentless death doom. Straight forward, no-nonsense, hard hitting metal in its purest form, but with a keen sense of melody.

By the time you've reached the third track, "Trust," anyone who says they're not hooked on the riffs, is lying. If you're more a fan of the really heavy death metal, "World of Gone" will serve you well. Musically, I keep comparing Konvent to the slower Dutch death metal bands like Asphyx and Grand Supreme Blood Court. Heidi Withington Brink (bass) and Julie Simonsen (drums) deliver a pounding, sluggish base, while Sara Helena Nørregaard adds an extra dimension with her thriving, faster guitar work.

Rikke Emilie List's grunts are the (rotten) cherry on top. This woman has a set of pipes that would make many of her colleagues blush. Her vocals alternate between growls similar to those of Nick Holmes and the sub-bass grunts you'd expect on a Demilich record. On the stomping "Waste," List gets some help from Morild's Tue Krebs Roikjer, who throws some black metal screams in the mix.

While I consider this record more of a death metal record with doom influences, this is changes during the two-parter "Ropes." In the first part, the band is leaning more towards black metal, with dissonant melodies and some much needed air to breathe. "Ropes Pt. II" is by far the most dynamic song on Puritan Masochism, mixing death doom with faster parts, sounding almost like post metal, but dirtier. Much dirtier. With this the band proves that there's more to Konvent than just death and doom.

In their promo sheet, Napalm blatantly states that Copenhagen might become the new death doom capital, and while that might be a bit much, I can't deny that Konvent is a force to be reckoned with. It's not often I find a straight forward death doom record that manages to grab me from beginning to end, without being over 20 years old, but this is one of them. Up until now, I associated Denmark mostly with Mercyful Fate and Lego, but you can add Konvent to that list.

An interview with Sara from Konvent

First of all, thank you for this interview. 'Puritan Masochism' (2020) has been out for a couple of weeks now. How are the reactions so far?

Hi! And thank you so much for wanting to talk to us. Yeah, Puritan Masochism has been out since 24th January and we just finished our tour in Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Germany.

We’ve been overwhelmed with the attention our album is getting and it’s really exciting to see how people are reacting to it. The reactions have been really good and we couldn’t think of a better reception of the album. Of course it’s a matter of taste whether you like it or not, and we know that our album isn’t for all. But seeing so many people coming to our shows in cities or countries we have never been before, and people actually buying our vinyls and merchandise just makes us so happy and gives us the desire to keep on going.

Since this is our debut album we already got a lot of new ideas for the second album and we actually see this very much as a learning process where we are able to evolve over time. There has also been a lot of people wanting to talk to us and interview us, and we really haven't seen that coming to such an extent. But people have been really nice and it’s always fun to meet people. So we’re happy!

Puritan Masochism by Konvent

There’s quite a gap between your demo and your debut record and it’s clear you’ve grown as a band. Can you tell us a bit about what has been going on in the past three years?

Thank you so much! The first year we pretty much spent on getting to know our instruments and each other, but we quickly started working on our own material, and the demo that came out in 2017 was a result of that. Then we played a lot of shows around Denmark and that really helped us grow as musicians and as a group. During all these shows we were also working on songs for a debut album, but it was a very slow process. It wasn’t until after we got on Napalm Records, that we really stepped it up and got to finish it.

At the same time, it was also important to do it in our way and not let ourselves be pressured of someone else expectations to us. The demo was a big learning curve for us regarding our sound. It just expanded our minds on how creative we could get with the sound. This really helped us when we went into the studio with Lasse Ballade from Ballade Studios to record our debutalbum, because we spent a long time tweaking the sound of the instruments and putting small things in here and there. And Lasse was imminent in making the sound of the album! He is a beast at what he does and was such a treat to work with. I think this gap between our demo and the album reflects a lot of what many other bands are “struggling” with as well.

On the one hand, you really want to get out and play as many gigs as possible, but on the other hand you also want to prioritize making some great songs - and sometimes it can be difficult to achieve it all. It takes time. We also had many people asking us why we didn’t put some of the demo songs on the album. But we really wanted to make new songs, because some of the demo songs were from 2016 and we felt like we had evolved as musicians. So we knew we could make even better songs if we just pushed ourselves.

Demo by Konvent

What were your inspirations, both musical and lyrical for the record?

Our album isn’t a concept album, but if you were to put a theme on it, or around the lyrics of the songs it would basically be losing control over your life.

The song "Puritan Masochism" -- which is also the title of the album -- is about how everyone has a tendency to do things, or thinking things that actually hurt us, but we keep thinking/doing those things because we feel we have to, in order to fit into something or to live up to some imagined expectations. And sometimes we keep doing these things without even realizing it because you just go on autopilot. It’s sort of our way to say that we don’t have to live like that.

But our inspiration comes from everyday life experiences, both ups and downs, but mostly downs. Musically we all have a lot of different genres that we like. Julie likes hardcore and punk and Rikke likes tech death. So we all drag different genres and styles into the rehearsal place and it just goes on from there.

Your music has quite an old school vibe to it. Was that intentional?

We really wanted that raw, gritty sound, as if the music is coming from the abyss! And that’s why we chose to work with Lasse Ballade, because he had made a bunch of cool records that we really admired. Also, we don’t like too many guitar solos and a lot of effects and that was important to us when we picked our producer.

We never sat down and decided to play death doom. The only thing we talked about from the beginning, was to play heavy music with an evil sound and growling vocals. So after the first rounds of rehearsals where we were playing covers, we quickly felt like just playing something of our own. And we just jumped head first in there and made riffs before we even knew exactly what we were doing. I don’t think we knew in the beginning that the songs we were making sounded doomy and old school like and it wasn’t until other people heard it that the genre doom came up. We remember having to write something about our music before our first show in 2016 and just not knowing what to write. So we had to get people in, to get their opinion on it. We've also been compared to some bands that we didn't even know before -- we just play the music we feel like.

Your agenda appears to be quite empty so far. Can we expect to see you on tour again soon?

We just finished our Puritan Masochism Tour with 10 gigs in Denmark, Sweden, Norway and Germany. And we’re going to London and Oslo this month also. We also have some festival gigs for this summer. It’s a pretty big thing for us, when we’re able to go to new places or countries, we have never been before.

We are still a very young band that not a lot of people know of, so we’re actually really happy about our agenda this far. We’ve played at Roskilde Festival and Copenhell, which is the two biggest festivals in Denmark. And to see our first single “Puritan Masochism” on YouTube get so many views is crazy to us, too. Regarding people showing up to shows and buying merch, we’ve always been pretty lucky. People are really good at coming out early to see us and eager to support us in the merch booth, so that is a huge thing for us.

Of course, we would really like to go on bigger tours and play more festivals, as long as it can work out financially. And we are steadily getting more offers, so that’s really exciting! Our booker Thorsten, from Napalm Events is handling all our offers, but we often get messages directly from bookers who want to put on a show with us and then we just direct it to him. And, yes, we have more plans for 2020, but we can’t tell anymore at this moment, sorry!

Your label states that Copenhagen might become the next death doom capital. Do you agree? Are there any death doom or doom bands from your local scene that we should keep an eye on??

That’s a big statement! But there are so many great bands here in Copenhagen and the rest of Denmark. I don’t think that death/doom is the most popular genre here in Denmark. People tend to like it faster. But worth mentioning is the danish band Katla. We just played two gigs with them and they appear to do it pretty well on the Danish scene with a debut album to come in 2020. Otherwise we have bands like Alkymist, Bethmoora, Drukner, Dirt Forge and, of course, Saturnus.

The title 'Puritan Masochism' has a clear religious context. Is Denmark a religious country?

Not really. "Puritan Masochism" is the title for our first single from the album, as well, and it was the first track that was finished for it several years ago. The song is about how us humans have a tendency to put ourselves in situations where we don’t feel good enough. With this song we’re hoping that people will identify and question their habits of doing that. We felt like this would be a great album title because it was something we really resonated with. We did not think of it in a religious context.

Once again, thank you for your time. Any last words for our readers?

Thank you so much and thank you for wanting to interview us! Hopefully we’ll see you at a show at some point. And thank you to all the people out there listening to our music and buying our stuff. This means the world to us.

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#D&S Reviews #D&S Interviews #Konvent #Copenhagen #Denmark #Doom #Death Doom #Metal #Napalm Records #Willem Verhappen #Doomed & Stoned

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hypexion · 4 years

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Fanwalker Cards!

Planeswalkers have all sorts of magical powers, which often get used to define their mechanic theme. Like some kind of nerd, I’ve applied this principle to my fanwalkers, and cooked up some cards for them. They’re hiding under the cut, because card images take up a lot of space.

Alagard is pretty good at copyright violation replicating magic. So when in comes to a mechanic identity, the obvious choice is copying spells. With a bit of getting the spells on the side. Of course, Alagard is also an artificer, so there’s no reason he couldn’t copy artifacts as well. This particular card might need a little tweaking, since you can ultimate it pretty quickly, but it does copy stuff in copious amounts.

During the events of War of the Spark, Alagard mostly spent his time trying not to die, while helping other planeswalkers achieve the same. This uncommon design pretty much only works in a planeswalker themed set, and I think it does a good job of capturing the flavour of “this is a guy who copies things“ with its mechanics. There’s also actual artifice occuring on this card, although it’s for the purpose of copying things. But things include other artifacts. (Things do not include auras, however, unless you enjoy wasting mana.)

Alagard can also create short lived copies of stuff that’s alive or animated, but they tend to have a short life span. Unlike artifacts, or generally static magical patterns, things that live and move soon stop being copies. This causes the magical energies forming the copy to degrade, and without continous maintenance, they soon collapse.

Heru is a bird person, and so he can fly. This is useful for avoid things that might want to kill you, just as the necromatically reanimated remains of your homeplane’s populace. War of the Spark was not a fun time for Heru, especially given that he can sort of see through illusions. He can also shoot fire at things, and give his allies a little boost when fighting. Heru also tries to pretend that he’s a two colour card, but the powers of hybrid mana make him three colours. White/Blue is probably the right place for his passive effect.

Heru’s Insight is a weird combat trick, and doesn’t give that much insight into his abilities, ironically enought. Maybe it suggests he can fight good? Another weird use of hybrid mana, because I cannot be trusted to follow simple design rules.

The big name card for Locke. He investigates, he puts creatures in the corner while he checks their alibi, and he does minor graveyard recursion. The recursion is here to represnt both “gathering evidence“, and Locke’s ability of post-cognition, which is like fortune telling, but backwards. With the right art, it would be pretty obvious from this card that Locke is the Dectective Planeswalker who investigates things.

Which makes putting him into the War of the Spark model kind of hard. There’s a very offbeat thing going on with his passive here, which sort of acts like an extra loyalty ability. Once again, we have deck manipulation and card draw to represent gaining knowledge. Maybe a tad too much Scry here, but this iteration of Locke isn’t doing much else. It’s a warzone, so investigation is difficult.

Locke is also asking the question War of the Spark never answered - why bring all the planeswalkers to Ravnica? Like us, Locke never finds out. Once Bolas is defeated, he sticks around to help sort out who lived and who died, and to confirm that Dack Fayden was really dead. A simple task, surely.

Man, I’m sure great at naming characters. Anyhow, it’s important to know that when a Loxy planeswalker deals damage, that represents her doing over and smacking something. Loxy saves her magic for healing and inspiring. With enough “Hey hey lets go go go!“ magical juice, even peope you thought were dead can get back up and fight some more. Maybe there were dead. Loxy is an 110% kind of gal, and that applies to healing as well as other stuff.

Sometimes, you just need to give out +1/+1 counters to represnt people getting hyped and/or inspired. Maybe Loxy is giving out a few too many here, but I’m not going to be the one to tell here that. The ultimate here represnts the power of teamwork or believing in yourself or something, and makes many Elephants. The Gruul approve, the Selesnya less so.

Sometimes you just need to rally everyone, and a big toot from your trunk is what’s needed. Mix that with a little magical enthusiasm, and you’re ready to go. Honestly, the Eternals never stood a chance.

Velos is a member of the Simic Combine, so +1/+1 counters are basically a mandatory mechanic. Like all biomancers, Velos can unleash the hidden potenial of your creatures, allowing them to overrun your enemies, safe from retribution. This iteration even cares about creature types, which sort of maybe calls back to Velos’ shapeshifting abilities.

Obviously, Velos was very invested in the events of War of the Spark. He lives on Ravnica, it’s his homeplane, all of his friends and family live there. Sure, some of his family is justifibly estranged, but he was hardly going to let them die. Through biomancy, he helped to power up the forces of Ravnica, bolstering them so that they could face off against the Eternal army. In the aftermath, he was quickly assigned to the Combine’s new transplanar project. He was surprisingly okay with this, although he seems less than excited about how Lazotep protected the Eternals from the Blind Eternities. It’s as if he’s aware of someone or something that would really, really want that ability.

Velos has also trained many other Simic wizards how to shapeshift. Like him, they worked to strengthen the forces of Ravnica, and some of them grew giant crab claws and got stuck in. Now that the war is over, they’ve gone back to running Velos’ old projects, with some contention over who gets to be the new head researcher.

#fanwalker #magic the gathering #custom magic card #fan character february

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mysticsparklewings · 4 years

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Something of a Story String

romping through rose rows the rouge holds roamers ransom re-writing their wrongs out yonder, they yawn yearning for youth yanked from them you yearn for them, too grave group, so it goes much greatness gone to the grass, a goodbye garden but the "byes" come back they blow in on brisk breezes blooming in balance ____ What's this? It's not Inktober yet, what are the mini-magnets doing out and about? Over on deviantArt, I was encouraged by AlinaLeeArts to enter the String Me a Haiku Contest! hosted by HaikuWriMo, and while I have only basic knowledge and understanding of Haikus, I've been really wanting to play with the mini-magnets lately after reorganizing them into some new tins, and it sounded like fun. (And like a good way to fill out my upload schedule since the bigger projects I'm working on still aren't quite finished yet. ) So I decided I'd take a stab at, or at least see if I could come up with a concept I was happy with and take it from there. The contest rules state that an entry has to be made up of a string of at least four haikus, a Haiku for the uninformed being, according to Google, "a Japanese poem of seventeen syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five, traditionally evoking images of the natural world." And that the haikus should use heavy alliteration, which also for the uninformed is, "the occurrence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of adjacent or closely connected words." This would pose a unique challenge for me because, as I said, I'm not very familiar with writing Haikus. I've read plenty of them, sure, and I think I had to write one at least once or twice back in K-12 school for English class or something, but other than that, if I've ever constructed one, it's been completely by accident. That said, I used two different syllable counters to check each of these before I ever arranged the magnets, so hopefully, they do indeed follow the 5-7-5 pattern properly, if nothing else! Alliteration is also not something I intentionally use super often, and that combined with the limited syllables and structure I think makes for a unique challenge even for someone more familiar with the haiku form. Something I learned very quickly while trying to do this: Every syllable counts, you don't want to waste a single one! Before I could get to actually writing the haikus, though, me being me, I needed a concept/theme to work off of. How would I pick letters to alliterate? What would the haikus be about? Since I want to use the mini-magnets (as is more or less my standard for short-form poetry) what should the background(s) look like? Will all four tell a continuous story or four short stories that go together? I have to have at least four haikus, but am I just going to do four, or will I maybe do a few more than that? I decided the easy way to break it down would be to have each haiku dedicated to a specific letter for alliteration, then make a poem based off of whatever I could come up with within that letter alliteration, as I worked I could go back and forth between the separate haikus to develop more of a story, and then once they were done or mostly done, I could decide on what I would do for the background(s) based on the poems themselves. This process did change a little bit, as I started off using a haiku generator to help me get more in a haiku-writing mindset. I did through that pick up one line, "seeing a balance," that obviously got translated a bit differently into the final version ("blooming in balance"), but other than that I really was still largely on my own. I'd toyed with a few other concepts, but none of them felt right or were really sticking with me. Then I got the idea to pick each letter for the haikus based on an acronym; a well-known combination of letters. That would also potentially give me a theme to work off of. Initially, I thought of ROYGBIV, the acronym for the basic seven colors of the rainbow. And I actually started working on trying to make my haikus based on that, but the letter "O" stopped me pretty short because once I had the letters, my idea was to do word-association like I normally do for the Inktober prompts; I'd list out some potential words to use that I felt somehow connected with the color and started with the same letter as the color. Frankly, there just aren't a lot of letter-O words that I could also connect back to the color, and the few I did come up with just didn't seem like they had a super compelling story hidden within them. But I did really like the idea of the colors because that gave me a good launching point for the backgrounds; I could just use the same color the haiku was based on within the background for it. It sounded like fun, even. So I didn't want to just totally ditch it. After giving it some thought, I figured the best thing to do would be to try using the four main colors everybody knows: Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue. If I still couldn't come up with my haikus based on those four letters, then it was time to pick a new acronym. Fortunately, even though I had my concerns about the Y in particular, I had a much easier time after that. (I mean, I already had most of the one for "Red," from the ROYGBIV stage, but still.) It's funny though, I thought "Blue" was going to be the easiest, based on my knowledge of "B" words, but that one was actually the one I ended up tweaking and re-writing the most. Probably because it was also the last one I did, and I had started to develop a vague story about yearning for life and visiting a grave in a cemetery, so I had to work within that theme. Though, that said, I think "Green" is actually the weakest of the four, as far as impact goes, despite it being the one that kinda hammers home the life/death theme the most. It was the most difficult one to balance my syllables appropriately because of the words I really wanted to use. Obviously, this "story" developed as I worked, so it's a bit more on the abstract side, but this is how I see what these four haikus say together; They're talking about someone, probably a young someone (I picked a girl for the background, but the poems could go either way), walking through a field of flowers and stumbling upon a nursing home, maybe with a couple of residents on the porch, and a cemetery nearby. Maybe connected to the home, maybe not. And the young someone stops and reflects on life, and how even once someone passes away, oftentimes we can be reminded of them, or almost feel as if they're still here, in the small things and little fleeting moments here there, like the petals of a flower or the whispers of a seasonal breeze in the air. They come back in those small ways, completing the circle of life, that essential balance of the universe. Of course, that's just one way to interpret it, and even then there are still small details that could be changed while still keeping the sentiment the same. Personally, that's one of the things I enjoy the most about poetry and the mini magnets--you don't always know what you're going to end up saying until someone else reads it and tells you what it says to them. As for those backgrounds, they're all fairly simple watercolor paintings. Once I had the poems and this vague idea of a story, it was fairly easy to come up with a background concept for each one to make them a little more interesting. Normally, I'd use sponged-ink backgrounds during Inktober, but I've been toying with the watercolor idea in the back of mind and this seemed like a good time to experiment since I was already pushing the envelope in various other ways. You can see pretty much exactly what I had in mind for each one, though I will clarify the green one is supposed to be a tombstone in the grass since it's the only one that I think might not be super clear right away. It could just as easily be a rock. For each of them, my process was very simple; I just picked 1-3 shades to make a gradient from the appropriate color, alternating each one slightly depending on what I wanted for the sky, and then I added the grass and silhouettes on top using a combination of watercolor and black pen. And then the very last one, "blue," got the added moon, stars, and some fireflies using gel pens (and a little bit of pastel for glow). It was the most complex, but "yellow," was actually the trickiest because I have not yet mastered the ability to free-hand a human silhouette. I had to sketch it out separately and then use my lightbox to transfer the outline and fill it in. And, funnily enough, the backgrounds you see here were actually meant to be smaller test-runs before making bigger ones and actually physically setting the mini-magnets on them to photograph. But I was so happy with how these small test ones turned out, I honestly didn't feel like I needed to make the bigger ones. So I pivoted a bit; I formed each mini-magnet poem on a plain blue piece of paper (a "blue screen" if you will to make it easier to separate the words) and photographed them, then used Photoshop to get each haiku onto its respective background. This ended up working to my advantage, as I could just focus on arranging the words to make the words properly and not working around the paintings underneath, and then once I had everything in photoshop I could move things around as necessary much more easily. I'm not super sure about the haiku part, but I'm really pleased with how the overall result looks, and especially happy with 3 out of the four backgrounds. So much so, I will be posted a wordless version of just the backgrounds to go along with this one for your viewing pleasure! fav.me/ddrqj28 I don't think I'll be placing in the contest (I could be wrong, but I'm aware I'm a little out-of-my-element here ), but I enjoyed the process and the end result, so it was still worth it in my eyes. It was really nice to have the mini-magnets out and put them to use again, especially since I've been having a craving to do so lately. And having them all freshly re-organized made using them all the more enjoyable. Though I'm still not quite sure in what form it'll be, I am very much thinking of doing more non-Inktober stuff like this with the mini-magnets going forward. I have so many of them and I enjoy using them, even when it's a daily challenge and running me a bit ragged. You might say I'm a bit of an addict. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

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zukadiary · 5 years

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Ocean’s 11 ~ Cosmos Troupe 2019

Ocean’s was great! I loved it so much! I thought the previous two versions were fine, but never cared for either enough to go back and watch them again. Turns out if you adore every single person in the troupe putting it on, the ensemble cast makes it a home run.

If I remember correctly, there are some noticeable differences between the Hoshigumi and Hanagumi versions. This was a slightly tweaked and polished Hanagumi version. The show does a great job of featuring a lot of people; nearly everyone gets something fun to do (it’s consequently not the best taidan for Akkii or Riku, but if it wasn’t their last I’d really say it’s good for everybody). The scenes change quickly (and flow a lot better than I remember), so even if a given person’s appearances are short they’re typically fairly frequent. I’m not terribly pleased that the prolific use of projections seems to be a continuing theme in Takarazuka, but Ocean’s actually used them WELL, and with all the hacking/security/surveillance going on, and the flashing lights and artificiality of Las Vegas, it actually makes sense.

There are three (3!) major ad lib scenes that are different every day, something I didn’t realize ahead of time having only seen the previous versions on DVD:

Tess walking in on Benedict and his lackeys trying to physically threaten the Evergreen people into handing over the rights to their non-profit and Benedict having to lie about what they were doing

Saul giving everyone a pre-caper “acting lesson” in which Susshii says something ridiculous and the rest of the eleven have to remember it and mimic her in unison

Rusty pretending to be “Dr. Johnson” to cart Saul off after the fake heart attack that serves as a distraction during the actual heist (for those who can read Japanese, one brave twitter user is keeping track of all the Dr. Johnson ad libs)

...and these made me really look forward to seeing the show again and again. I probably could have gone every day and been thoroughly entertained.

Danny Ocean is the most boring vanilla blank canvas of a character and requires the actress playing him to really bring everything herself. Fortunately, Makaze and her devastatingly attractive body could have stood in the corner in those open-necked suits without saying a word for 3 hours and I’d still have given it a 10/10. On top of that though, I thought she played him perfectly. Her sort of low-key coolness that for me has come off a bit stiff at times with some of her other top star stuff was spot on for Danny, who I fully believed was chill, aloof, and sexy enough to both pull off such an impossible robbery without a moment’s anxiety, AND stalk the woman trying to divorce him such that she was not only NOT immediately put off completely but also ultimately able to fall back in love with him. In the dream sequence that opens Act 2, when Makaze changes from serpent to prince and leaves the bouquet of flowers on Tess’s bed for her to accept whenever she’s ready, my heart clenched so bad I accidentally groaned audibly the first time I saw it. She also sang the best I’ve ever heard her sing.

Madoka is a beautiful Tess, and above all else I was THRILLED that they finally let her have such a grown up role and that she slayed it. I had absolutely no doubt that she’d slay it; she’s a fantastic actress who as far as I can tell is only battling her round little face and height difference with Makaze when it comes to getting mature roles. But they styled her flawlessly and her dresses were to die for and she looked so fantastic I hope all concerned parties got the hint that this is fine. I want to see the two of them do something sizzling hot together (although I have to admit, dude chasing after his wife who wants so badly to divorce him IS a fun dynamic that we never really get to see in Takarazuka, unless they’re doing Ocean’s).

I love Kiki more and more every time I see her, and while it’s hard not to be annoyed that she’s not a top star already, I will be so furious if they take her away from Soragumi; I absolutely love what they bring out of her. I think she and Makaze have a great dynamic together, and she was both cool and funny enough to make Rusty very enjoyable to watch. There wasn’t a single Dr. Johnson scene I saw that didn’t have me laughing out loud and wishing I had another ticket. One day I sat in B-seki with a group of students on a class trip, and one of them gasped すごい when she finished her finale-opening solo. Here’s a funny story from Makaze’s ochakai that I read on twitter: there is a duet between Danny and Rusty during which Rusty lights a cigarette, and apparently Koike wanted to modernize Ocean’s by giving him an IQOS instead. Makaze convinced him that was the worst idea ever and wants all Kiki fans to thank her personally.

MVP: Zun as Benedict. I suspect her interpretation might be polarizing once the world at large gets to see Ocean’s, but I loooooved it. Once upon a time there was a Japanese meme going around about what kind of date various prominent otokoyaku would bring you on, and Zun was pegged as a young, sweet, filthy rich kid who would reserve the entirety of Disneyland and then take you there. Her Benedict was like the evil version of that. I appreciated so much that she went a different direction than Beni and Daimon and played him as just a rich sleazy horrible asshole without the over-the-top comical bits—and she was STILL very funny, just as the straight man to everyone else’s ridiculous antics. She was so dark, so angry, and had such a scary glint in her eyes for such a cute little muffin; so impressively gross it was weird to see her smiling genuinely in the finale. And she’s a DAMN GOOD STAGE KISSER, astonishingly so for someone who’s yet to have a romantic lead outside of shinko and Bow Hall. I very much enjoyed her team as well—mostly Mitsuki Haruka as Taylor, Aishiro Moa as Beth, and Hoshizuki Rio as Charles, keeping things funny and chaotic. Kihou Kanata/Manase Mira were even hilarious as the bodyguards (Wakato Ritsu was a fine Bruiser, but IMO it’s pretty hard to beat Taso... and I felt a gaping hole where Fuuma Kakeru should have been).

Seiko could have carried this show by herself. For whatever reason—and I rewatched the Hanagumi version recently—I didn’t think Queen Diana, outside of being sassy, was as good of a role as it was (does the DVD fail to show a lot of her antics? Maybe. Was I doing a lousy job paying attention? Possibly). But no, Seiko was all over it, convincingly the biggest force in Vegas (and this cast). I am going to miss her so so so much. Akkii and Riku ended up with the more senior but less meaty roles of Frank and Basher respectively. While Frank is on the quieter side during most of the scenes with all the 11 except for his opening solo and arrest, I personally, for probably biased reasons, really enjoyed watching Akkii and Sora in the background, where Frank is very frequently trying to coerce Linus into getting over himself and just doing the thing already. I don’t know if this has been especially tough on Riku, but her eye bags have eye bags :( As much as I’m going to miss her, I hope she gets through this and takes a nice long rest. The Soragumi landscape is going to be so weird and different without these three. They come down for the parade together with Seiko in the middle and I got choked up every single time.

I’m thrilled that Sora got Linus mostly from a rank standpoint; they announced Ocean’s before Aichan’s transfer to Senka and I was positive she was going to be Livingston. The role itself kind of unfortunately emphasized how tiny and behind she is in this troupe, but at the same time she was SO grumpy and SO cute. I feel bad taking pleasure in her angst but boy was she cute. She talked about how interesting it was to play someone who was struggling to overcome his own roadblocks, both as the only upperclassman to ever play this role, and also having just turned ken-10, where otokoyaku are supposed to “come of age” so to speak. And the frustration and uncertainty she put into the role was extremely palpable. As I’m used to her being a disembodied arm or a blurry image over someone’s shoulder on most DVDs, I couldn’t be happier that she finally has a whole solid handful of her very own scenes that I might actually be able to see not only in the theater. She’s closer to the middle when the otokoyaku dance too, AND she moved up a parade spot. I most definitely teared up when she came down the stairs featured between Rara and Mineri.

Moeko was SO CUTE as Livingston, and the scene where Rusty busts into Livingston’s place pretending to be an FBI agent was one of my favorites, along with the one where Danny comes to get the Malloy brothers and they mess with his face on the security camera. I’m so enamored with both Kotti and Yuuki Shion (Yuuki Shion dangerously so, YIKES; she’s like the awkward baby Sora I fell in love with reincarnated, plus she can do Komu-esque things with her legs and jump so astonishingly high). I will forever be obsessed with Susshii and how much joy and passion she pours into playing even the most crotchety old men. I don’t know what it IS about Rinkira that screams old man to the producers (other than that maybe they just need someone to do it), but I even liked her as Reuben, and Akine Hikaru as Yen a surprising amount. I always thought of Yen as a scary role that you don’t want your girl to get stuck with, and for someone prominent I guess it would be a bummer, but I don’t think I’ve ever noticed Akine Hikaru do much of anything before, so I was mostly just wide eyed at how acrobatic and good with a yo-yo she is.

The finale is REAL good; Makaze is hot and a little sweaty and her hair is styled to make her look even sweatier. The top-star-in-a-harem-of-musumeyaku number is done in one of my favorite aesthetics, where the musumeyaku let their hair down (literally) no matter how intricately they were styled up to that point, and you can see the creases from their former pins and braids and it’s a little messy and loose and sexy which are all things I wish they’d let musumeyaku be more often, and Makaze is in the middle just like doing illegal things with her mouth and all that jazz. The otokoyaku dance is good too, and the duet dance is cute as shit (there’s a part where Makaze like boops Madoka’s nose and then Madoka pushes her like ~stop that~ and ugh).

And speaking of ugh, the end of Act 1 where all 11 of them turn around and saunter toward the back of their stage after formulating their flawless plan put my stomach in knots, both for the sheer swagger and the overflowing love I feel for this lineup of this troupe. I know I’ve been saying this for like two years and it STILL hasn’t happened on the scale I’ve been expecting, but I can feel the transfers coming and I’m scared.

#takarazuka #reviews #ocean's 11 soragumi 19 #am i 東宝組 now 19

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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not a strictly spn question, but, as someone who wants to start writing, how the ever-loving fuck do you pump out so many fics so fast?? i’ve been working on outlining the same three stories for like a year (not really) ((but kinda))

Hi there, and congrats on that much outlining! I… don’t outline that much, ever, for anything. But I also don’t think I crank out fics all that fast. It might seem that way sometimes, but the Pinefest fic I posted in February has actually been drafted (and through several rounds of editing) since last August. I only just posted it for Pinefest. So it might seem there was only a month and a half between me writing that and the thing I posted last night, I’ve actually been working on THAT since January… three and a half months for 30k isn’t very fast. :P

I’m putting this under a cut because it’s kinda long, and possibly boring or irrelevant in the big scheme of things…

(I once wrote a 105k word original novel in 15 days, and a friend of mine wrote a 130k novel in just over three days on a deadline, but heck that is atypically fast… and nearly killed them… no really they developed shingles from the stress of it, do not recommend)

So I might be slightly biased here, but at some point you gotta stop outlining and start writing. That’s the secret. You can’t crank out stories unless you actually start writing them.

That said, when I say I don’t outline, I mean I have notes for fic that range from this, for my 8k short:

*soulmate situation described here: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/173681098950/i-saw-a-writing-prompt-that-went-like-this-you Officially written and posted on 11/14/18 as Lost Time.

that’s just a link to a post that inspired the thing, to this, for a 65k fic:

*NAILED IT! How could I fanfic my way through this baking show? or maybe I should just… write fanfic of this… (notes document: Cakepocalypse notes) (in process as of 4/1/18 as a potential dcbb as Cakepocalypse) (posted 6/23/18)https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017792

(sorry, I removed the link to my notes doc, but what I am willing to show of that:

wherein a lot of those 15 pages consists of images of the cakes in each challenge for my own personal reference while writing.)

Basically the ONLY two fics I’ve ever written an outline for structurally required it:

Cakepocalypse and Around the World in 24 Days, both fics based off “reality show” formats– Cakepocalypse was basically Nailed It!, and AtWi24D is the Amazing Race (and over 101k, based on about 5k worth of very detailed notes I’d be happy to show you if you come off anon). There was no way I could keep track of that many “contestants” and all their challenges, travel, baking, guests, etc. without keeping these sorts of detailed notes.

My previous pinefest fic, Winchester 275, was a 57k AU based on a two sentence thing that had been sitting on my to be written list for YEARS:

*(writing for pinefest, working title of Winchester 275 as of 8/29/17, draft finished 11/29/17, posted 3/6/18 http://archiveofourown.org/works/13788693) astronomy night at a dude ranch in arizona, Cas brings the telescope, dean only sees the stars in his eyes oh god did i actually write that down? yes. yes i did.

And my first DCBB, Revenge of the Subtext, was 80k based on a one sentence prompt: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/130269813965/meangreenlimabean-mittensmorgul.

So if your fic doesn’t NEED you to make such detailed notes, just start writing already. :D

When I first started writing (loooong before I ever started writing fic), some of my encouraging friends told me some interesting stories. We got to talking about how annoying it was that so many people respond to someone saying they write with, “Oh, I’ve been thinking about writing a novel for years,” or something else along those lines. My friend told me she knew a guy who had been outlining his novel for more than a decade, but never seemed to be able to get it quite right so that he felt he could start writing. With that sort of attitude, he probably never will, you know?

You will never have a “perfect” outline. Just like you’ll never have a “perfect first draft.” You have to have a draft to be able to edit it, you know? Can’t edit a blank page, and an outline can only take you so far before it becomes so fleshed out that it ceases to be an outline and looks more like a first draft.

So set a writing goal for yourself. Shoot for easy to start with, and then you can tweak the goal as you fall into the habit. Say, 200 words a day. Or 1000 words a week (because in all honesty you might miss a day here and there, and you shouldn’t get down on yourself for that, either). I personally shoot for 1000 words on days when I write, but I’ve been doing this for more than a decade now. I don’t always make it, but sometimes I double that, or quintuple it, or more. And I have scheduled days off (Supernatural nights when new episodes air, and usually the day after, and Monday night when I play pub trivia and it’s Mr. Mittens’ night off work). But outside of those days, barring extreme exhaustion or illness, I try to write at least 1000 words a night.

Being that I’m not an outliner, I feel I need to say that I always know the whole story before I start writing. It’s all up inside my head, running like a film that I “transcribe” into a fic. So even if I don’t have a written, bullet-pointed list of plot points and emotional beats, I do have the “finished product” looping through my head continuously until I transcribe it all. I know that’s not actually useful writing advice for most people, and I have no idea if this is how anyone else approaches writing, but it’s how it works for me. Minor details may only show up while I’m writing, but the whole story is already there.

This is why I never, ever post incomplete, wip fic. I am a compulsive editor, mostly because I don’t create detailed outlines before I start, and for the sake of continuity, editing is my friend. Can’t go back to insert a reference into chapter 3 that will become important by chapter 14 if you posted chapter 3 half a year ago, you know? Your readers are not gonna go back and reread your updates when you remember that Important Detail never actually made it onto the page in the exact way you needed it to way back when. :P

Now, an outliner MAY have picked that detail up and inserted it before they ever started writing, but one thing folks might not understand until they actually start writing: Actually writing the thing out, making it flesh and letting it breathe, will inherently change your two-dimensional outline. I’m not saying that your plot will derail itself, but only once you begin bringing the story to life, begin living on the page through the characters, will you begin to feel them as living beings, and can really begin to understand them and make them feel real to readers. No outline can do this, and will always fall short of feeling “good enough” for this reason.

(sorry, a lot of how I feel about writing sounds slightly unhinged when I try to talk about it, so please remember that the first original novel I wrote was based on a recurring nightmare I had after a psychotic break, which I literally wrote as therapy to banish the Bad Thoughts. Yes, it worked. Yes, that’s why I still write this way more than a decade later.)

But this is where you’ll begin to fill in the “gaps” inherent in any outline. Personality quirks, inside jokes between characters, feeling their feelings and translating that to the page. But also picking up all the dangling threads like repeating themes and emotional triggers.

I think I’ve gone way far off the path here…

Basically, pick one of your outlines. Decide you’re gonna start writing it. Then start writing it. It’s that simple, and that seemingly impossible. Write one sentence. Then write another. Then write lots more.

Good luck! I know it’s terrifying. I’m terrified every time I pick a new fic idea to write and stare at that blank document. But I stare it down, give a hearty pterodactyl screech, and dive bomb the keyboard. It’s really the only way to do it.

It’s worked pretty well for me so far. :P

#writing is hard #this is some wildly rambling writing 'advice' so remember the first rule of writing advice:#never pay attention to writing advice #well unless you feel it's actually helpful #everyone's different after all and nothing works for everyone #but the first rule of writing is that you have to actually write #and outlining is great and all but it's not the same as writing...#Anonymous

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writesandramblings · 6 years

Text

The Captain’s Secret - p.66

“Past and Present Tense”

A/N: This chapter cover the events of episode 7, "Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad." Also, revised a paragraph in chapter 61 – Ctrl-F "mutilated" for the new edition. I had already written that bit months ago, but it accidentally got punted into the prewritten section of this chapter and I just found it again. Just a little echo of a ghost from the past... (You may have already read the revised paragraph depending.)

Also, the fortune that is drawn in this chapter was 100% a random, "pick one and use it" draw that just happened to be unbelievably and unforgivably apropos to the theme. I was so shocked I forgot the sentence I was in the middle of writing when I opened it. Apparently, fate wants me to write this fanfic just as much as it wants Lorca to stay in command of his ship.

Finally, this is a long chapter. I considered splitting it, but there didn't seem a point where it made sense to. I give you an (overly) extended look into the antics of non-Michael Burnham characters during the episode.

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << Part 65 - The Stars, Broken Part 67 - Einstein on the Beach >>

O'Malley came to the bridge, which was unusual, and Lorca spoke to him in the ready room again. The colonel was as high-strung and judgmental as ever. He crossed his arms as he stood across from Lorca and declined a fortune cookie.

"Am I to understand Admiral Cornwell's been taken by Klingons and we're not going to rescue her?"

"Those are not our orders," said Lorca smoothly.

"So, Cornwell ordered us to rescue you, and we did, and then our orders were not to rescue Sarek, but we did that anyway, and now our orders are not to rescue Cornwell and we're suddenly doing what Starfleet Command wants?"

Lorca crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. This was much the same as Saru's objection, but Saru was not so fearless as to pose these objections in the form of an argument to Lorca directly. "We're here to win a war, not rescue every lost soul."

"Well you damn well could've fooled me as that's largely what we've been doing these past six months. You personally, might I add."

"I thought you didn't like Cornwell," pointed out Lorca.

"I don't, but that doesn't mean I want her tortured by Klingons."

"I was tortured by Klingons. It wasn't so bad."

O'Malley's mouth fell open and his arms uncrossed. "Gabriel!" For a moment, O'Malley sounded like Lorca's mother might have, had she been prone to chastising Lorca in the tone of a sixty-year-old British woman.

"Look," said Lorca, dropping the levity. "This is what Cornwell would have wanted. Following the rules and waiting for orders. She's spent most of the past six months telling me to do just that."

"You've picked an awfully convenient time to start doing what Cornwell wants."

Lorca stared. "Are we going to have a problem here, colonel?"

O'Malley exhaled and shook his head softly. "I'm just very disappointed in you, is all." He stood in silent consideration for a moment. "You know, I've mostly agreed with everything you've done up till now. Usually you do to the right thing, just in the wrong way, and for the first time I find you doing the wrong thing in the right way and I honestly don't know what to make of it. I don't like what it says about you as a person that you'd let one of your oldest friends suffer like this simply for the purposes of keeping your ship."

"She was my friend," said Lorca. "Past tense. And out of respect for that, we are following Starfleet's orders." Each of the last few words was said with pointed emphasis indicating Lorca had no interest in being further argued with on this subject.

"If you're going to be like this, then perhaps you'd better count me in the past tense as well."

They stared at each other, neither backing down. Then something occurred to Lorca and he scowled in disgust and looked away.

O'Malley squinted at him. "What's that look for?"

"What look?"

"That look on your face right now."

"I don't know, Mac, why don't you tell me what it looks like."

"If I knew that would I be asking?" They were going in circles.

Lorca broke the pattern. He clenched his jaw in anger directed mostly at himself. "I suppose now you're gonna take up Cornwell's cause." Worse, he had given O'Malley enough ammunition to do just that. His intent in the telling had been to make O'Malley see his side, take his side, and it had worked, but now Lorca was uncertain where O'Malley's loyalties lay: with his principles, or with Lorca himself.

O'Malley looked insulted. "What? I'm disappointed in you, I'm not going to betray you. I know how hard it was for you to tell me any of what you did. I'm certainly not going to use it against you. It'd destroy my reputation, for starters." O'Malley sighed. "Just give me some time, will you? I need to process this."

O'Malley left the ready room. Lorca took a fortune cookie and crushed it in his hand, eating the pieces and dropping the paper unread into the trash. He quietly put a hold on any and all outbound communications from O'Malley and Allan, just in case. In doing so, Lorca noticed Allan had not sent or received a single transmission in all his time on Discovery. Unusual.

As Culber was not permitted into Lab 26, he had to wait outside with Allan for Mischkelovitz to emerge. When she did, she looked at Culber with obvious suspicion as to what he was doing on her doorstep.

Culber managed to be as friendly, cheerful, and charming as anyone could be, especially given the adversarial stance Mischkelovitz had taken. "Dr. Mischkelovitz, I was wondering if you could help me with something?"

All that charm and she still looked at him like he had three heads and two of them were shooting fire at her. "Pel'tra kas-kotiin kelmatro sai-on," she said darkly.

Culber had no idea how to respond to that.

Standing behind her, Allan apparently did. "Melly," he said, "je kranna kos'bri-kaa. Se patro kii'kay'an?"

Mischkelovitz turned to him. "Je mohs ke'barato, se patriik maroten."

Allan replied, "Kesse na iil me trohs baraal. Pelta!" Then he smiled at Mischkelovitz.

With a scowl, Mischkelovitz said, "Fine, Lan! But only because you asked." She turned back to Culber. "What do you want?"

Her eyes lit up when she saw the design of the implant. "Ah!" she went. "This is terrible!"

They were standing in sickbay at Culber's workstation. As Stamets was now the computational interface of the spore drive, Culber was hoping to ease the difficulty of his husband's connection to the drive with an implant so that the dangerous, painful system they had recovered from the Glenn could be rendered obsolete, but the technology was slightly beyond Culber's expertise. "I was hoping you could help me refine it," said Culber. "Tweak the design a little?"

When Mischkelovitz looked at Culber this time, her eyes were alight with enthusiasm and there was absolutely no trace of anything negative in her expression or demeanor. "Absolutely! Let's do it." For all that she was standoffish and surly around people she had not accepted into her inner circle, once presented with something she liked, she was entirely won over, like a reluctant child bribed with a new toy.

Culber's initial design for the implant was entirely too big to be practical. They began by refining it in virtual form to reduce its size and complexity. There were several factors to consider. First, the needs of the spore drive itself, which Mischkelovitz seemed unusually familiar with. Second, the features Culber wanted the implant to have, for safety and in the event of a medical emergency. Third, the limits of the technology they could produce aboard Discovery on such short notice.

Mischkelovitz was quite happy and friendly when she had a task to focus on. She also seemed only halfway aware of Culber's presence, even though he was standing right next to her and working on the same project. She chattered away to herself, saying things like, "We have to beroute the riomatter relay through the transventral section in order to ensure uninterrupted frow legulation..."

"Sorry, what?" asked Culber, but Mischkelovitz seemed not to hear him and continued her rambling obliviously. Apparently her use of "we" did not refer to Culber.

"If we switch the configuration of the nanotubes, then we can responsively adjust the row flate to compensate for the constriction mechanically rather than computationally..."

At other times, she seemed overly aware of Culber.

"You're married to him, right?" she suddenly asked. Even though she did not specify Stamets, it was obvious who the implant was for and there was no one else she might be referring to.

"That's right," said Culber.

"Mm," went Mischkelovitz and lapsed into silence, her gaze darkening.

Culber studied her carefully. She was staring intently at a fixed point in space. She had to be thinking about her own deceased husband, which was probably not the healthiest or most productive thing for her to be thinking about in the moment. He decided to try to switch her mind to something that had been bothering him since their previous encounter, risky as it was. "I've noticed you and Captain Lorca seem to get along."

"He likes monsters," supplied Mischkelovitz.

Culber blinked. "You're not a monster."

"Tch," she went. "Of course I am. That's the moral of the story, isn't it? The real monster was Victor von Frankenstein?"

Culber considered Mischkelovitz. That was a truly sad way for her to describe herself, even if she had done things that might warrant usage of the word. "I can't begin to understand what you went through," he said sympathetically, "so I won't judge you for it." He had judged her already, but he was willing to put it aside for the sake of being kind. "I just want to make sure you don't get hurt. Captain Lorca is a... strong personality."

"I like that about him. Very much so."

"It's easy to get swept away by someone like that."

"Don't worry about me. I only go where I'm wanted. If the captain wants me, so be it."

Culber paused. The word choice seemed a little off. "You haven't... with the captain?" It would explain her comfort level with being manhandled by Lorca, her rush to defend him, and even the captain's kindness.

"What?"

"Forget I asked," said Culber, quickly shaking his head. "It's no business of mine who anyone sleeps with, so long as they do it safely." That might apply to Lorca more than most. The captain had something of a reputation in that regard.

"Do you mean have sex?" said Mischkelovitz, looking confused. "I would never compromise my work by wasting my time like that! Ever!"

She seemed genuinely repulsed by the idea. Culber was taken aback. "That isn't..."

Mischkelovitz suddenly brightened. "We can halve the size of the mower podules if we use the outflow return for the subsystems!" She began to make modifications in a flurry of excitement. Suddenly the implant design seemed neither inelegant nor oppressively bulky. It was perfect.

"Thank you," Culber told her. "I really appreciate your help with this."

"That was fun!" she exclaimed, then turned and ran out of sickbay.

It took a few minutes for the computer to finish the fabrication, but when it was done, Culber summoned Stamets to sickbay and presented him with the completed device. "What do you think?"

"What is it?" asked Stamets.

"This is what every astromycologist is going to wish they were wearing at your next conference," grinned Culber, and explained the implant's functions and features. Stamets was entirely impressed, both by the design and that Culber had done this for him.

The surgery was quick and easy. Mischkelovitz's design modifications took into account Stamets' anatomy perfectly, so even though it looked like a giant, painful thing inserted into Stamets' arm, it actually folded around the various blood vessels, muscles, and tendons perfectly. Stamets flexed his hand and smiled at it.

"You're the best," said Stamets.

Culber smiled. "I had a little help." And maybe, just maybe, he had gotten himself into Mischkelovitz's good graces in the process. Though, if the captain wasn't sleeping with Mischkelovitz, what exactly was he using her for?

The ship fell into a sort of quiet routine the next few days. Everything was going smoothly, if uneventfully, because to everyone's collective surprise, Lorca was presently adhering to the letter of Starfleet Command's desires. Routine spore drive jump tests at scheduled times. No presence at the front. Trying to find a way to duplicate spore drive control without violating augmentation laws.

It began to feel like O'Malley had been given more than enough time to process. Lorca called him to his ready room.

O'Malley refused. "Wanna try that again, colonel?" said Lorca, clearly implying their personal disagreement did not give O'Malley the right to deny a request from Discovery's captain.

"I literally can't. I gave Allan and Larsson leave to go to some disco party. There's no one else on the door."

Lorca started chuckling. Of course O'Malley would do something that pathetic. The party had been a concession to the fact they were presently doing nothing important. May as well let the crew kick back and relax a bit.

"So happy I can amuse," said O'Malley miserably. "Larsson fancies himself some sort of a dancer, and Allan... don't ask me, he's supposed to be asleep right now and apparently he'd rather do that, so I also get to cover part of his shift alone."

"You do not understand how to command," said Lorca, shaking his head.

"Well now, hang on a minute, I—"

The bridge cut in. "Captain, we are detecting an unidentified signal," said Saru.

"Yellow alert. This conversation isn't over, colonel."

"It hasn't even started," managed O'Malley before the ready room door opened and the comm channel cut off.

It turned out to be a gormagander—a space whale. Burnham was apparently some expert in the species, rattling off details of their biology and attributing their decreasing numbers in the galaxy not as a result of hunting but because they focused on feeding so single-mindedly they failed to find the time to mate. "That's as depressing a trait as I've ever heard," quipped Lorca before calling to the helmsman to plot a new course.

"Captain!" interrupted Burnham. "The gormagander is on the endangered species list. Protocol requires us to transfer it to a xenologic facility."

Great. Now not only were they not going to be participating in any battles, they were going to have to play chaperone to a space whale. Burnham seemed enthused for the task, at least. "Then have at it," Lorca told her, and she hurried off to the shuttle bay to oversee the creature's transport onto the ship.

Not five minutes later, it was aboard, and a frantic comm came from the shuttle bay:

"Intruder alert, shots fired," said Burnham breathlessly. "Need immediate assistance."

Tyler was at the security station. He put the security feeds on the main viewscreen. "Intruder's on deck six, sir!"

"I want him locked down!" ordered Lorca, watching as the helmeted assailant strode through Discovery's halls.

"We have him trapped, sir!" reported Tyler after a moment.

Lorca rose from the captain's chair and strode towards the viewscreen. "Whoever you are, drop your weapons. This ends now."

The helmet came off with a round of hearty laughter, revealing a familiar bearded, grinning face. "Did you miss me as much as I missed you?"

"Mudd," said Lorca, almost spitting the name.

"Did you really think that you could leave me to rot in a Klingon prison and not suffer any repercussions!" said Mudd, voice rising as he spoke, hand shaking in anger towards the security monitor. "As soon as I find what's so special about your ship, I'm gonna sell it to the Klingons. Do you hear me, captain?"

"I don't see this ending with you taking my ship," said Lorca, entirely unimpressed.

"Not this time, but I have all the data I need for the next, so, I will see you later. Or, rather, earlier."

Mudd triggered a device in his hand. The corridor flashed with light and Lorca had to close his eyes a moment. When he opened them, the viewscreen was static. "Mr. Saru!"

"Sensors read an amicium and yurium compound explosion," said Saru.

"Hull breach on deck six," said Ash. "Five, four, now three—we can't contain it, captain!"

Lorca felt his heart drop as Discovery was torn apart around him. The last thing he saw was bright yellow-white flames coming towards him.

Reset.

It was a space whale. Burnham was pleased for it, Lorca was completely annoyed at the prospect of playing chaperone, and he sent Burnham off to handle the situation.

From the belly of the beast itself, Harry Mudd waited and looked over the files from Discovery he had stolen before the reset. He had stripped out all the important stuff—access codes, schematics, crew assignments and the project directory—and he had a lot of data to go through. Luckily, he also had all the time in the world. As the transporter light shimmered around him, he decided to start this little adventure off with a bold gesture. "Computer," he said as the shimmer faded and the gormagander appeared in the shuttle bay with Mudd still inside it, giving Mudd access to the ship's command overrides from his hiding place. "Site to site transport. One to the captain's ready room."

The shimmer of the transporter began again, this time plucking Mudd from the gormagander's digestive tract with the precision of the finest surgeon and depositing him in the ready room.

The lights were dim. A concession to Lorca's damaged eyesight, of course. Mudd snorted at the conceited weakness of the self-imposed impairment. He also frowned at the sight of the standing desk. He had been hoping for a chance to put his feet up while he reviewed Discovery's files, but instead the room was as aggravating as the captain himself.

There was a wooden bowl on the desk filled with fortune cookies. Mudd took one. It read, There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead of you. Mudd's face lit up. "Well now, isn't that just what the captain ordered."

Perfectly aware Lorca was just on the other side of the door attending to matters on the bridge, Mudd decided to stay for a while and munch on cookies as he went over Discovery's project list and schematics. He noted with great interest a laboratory completely shielded from transport. That had to contain a pretty good secret. He also took a glance over the many luminaries that called Discovery their home. Quite an assemblage of minds Lorca had gotten himself. Some genuine surprises in there, too. Emellia Mischkelovitz, for example. Dr. Frankenstein in the flesh. Mudd whistled in appreciation. If nothing else, he had to respect the captain's cojones. Almost as big as his own.

Four meters away, Lorca finished relaying the details of Discovery's newest "assignment" to Starfleet Command and decided to pick up the conversation with O'Malley. "Mr. Saru," he said as he rose from the captain's chair and headed to the ready room, the intonation of Saru's name sufficient to convey the transfer of command over to the first officer.

The ready room doors opened and Lorca found himself staring at Harry Mudd standing next to a bowl's worth of fortunes and cookie crumbs scattered across the desk.

"Why, hello, captain!" said Mudd blithely, raising his disruptor.

"Mudd," scowled Lorca. "What the hell are you doing on my ship!"

"Your ready room is awful! No chairs? Really?" Mudd shot Lorca. He watched with immense satisfaction as the captain disintegrated into a flurry of dust, leaving a singed smell on the air. Tyler appeared in the doorway, phaser drawn, but too late.

Reset.

This time, Mudd beamed from the gormagander's stomach to the corridor outside Lab 26. A pale, freckled man was guarding the door and raised his rifle in Mudd's direction as the transporter finished with the beam-in. "Identify yourself!"

"Harcourt Fenton Mudd," said Mudd. "I've been sent to review this experiment." He said it with the sort of glib confidence that usually made people think twice and accept a statement as potentially truthful.

"Absolutely not," said the freckled man. "Hands up. Computer, alert the bridge. We have an intruder."

Once again, Mudd found himself face to face with Lorca. "Mudd! What the hell are you doing on my ship?"

"A better question is, what the hell are you doing on your ship?" asked Mudd gleefully. "Computer, transport Captain Lorca to preset coordinates."

He beamed Lorca into space. The door guard clocked him on the back of the head with his rifle, knocking Mudd out, but it mattered not.

Reset.

Mudd beamed from the gormagander's stomach to the next section of corridor over from Lab 26 and fired his disruptor the moment the freckled man was in view, vaporizing him.

The door did not open. "Computer," said Mudd, "command override."

"This door can only be overridden by Colonel O'Malley's command module," the computer intoned flatly. This made no sense. Mudd had gotten himself the highest command authority, above even the captain, but the captain could not open this door?

"Who the hell is Colonel O'Malley?" asked Mudd aloud, checking the crew files. A freckled face stared back at him. "Well, damn it," said Mudd. He spent a few minutes on a halfhearted attempt to blast open the door to no avail.

"Hey! What are you doing!?" came a deep, booming voice. A pair of officers coming down the hallway had discovered him. They were a mismatched set, one a giant hulking blonde and the other a thinner, dark-haired man. They both had leis around their necks and were holding drinks. Neither was armed.

"What does it look like?" asked Mudd, firing at them. Then he made his way to the bridge. May as well have a little fun if no other progress was going to be made this time around.

"Mudd," scowled Lorca. "What are you doing on my ship!"

"Whatever I want!" exclaimed Mudd gleefully, shooting Lorca on a non-vaporizing kill setting and watching the captain stagger to the floor and collapse, dead.

Reset.

Mudd set his disruptor to kill without vaporizing and tried again. The freckled Colonel O'Malley fell to the ground in a heap and Mudd began to search him, locating the door control module. He clicked it.

Nothing happened. He clicked it again and again. No reaction. "Computer!" he shouted, really getting annoyed now. "Why won't the door open!"

"The outer door was automatically sealed when biosign termination occurred at..."

"Oh, come on!" screamed Mudd, and kicked the lifeless corpse of O'Malley until a mismatched pair of officers with leis around their necks happened upon him.

He came face to face with Lorca again. "Mudd!" scowled Lorca. "What the hell are you doing on my ship?"

"This," said Mudd, and activated the ship's self-destruct sequence on a ten-second timer. He laughed as he watched Lorca scramble to override it without success and listened as the captain screamed in useless fury as a yellow-white explosion engulfed them.

Reset.

It was a space whale. Burnham was pleased for it, Lorca was completely annoyed at the prospect of playing chaperone, and he sent Burnham off to handle the situation.

Not ten minutes later, the gormagander was aboard, and soon after a message beeped on the command console at Lorca's arm. He glanced down. It was from Lab 26. He tapped it.

It read simply "TINRUEDR" with no signature attached, but Lorca didn't need an ident to recognize Lalana's typing, because she had a habit of hitting three to four letters at once with her epithelial filaments, jumbling them all together. TINRUEDR? His eyes widened. "Red alert!" he barked, launching himself from the captain's chair to a very confused bridge. "Tyler, with me!"

The ship's site to site transport did not respond to them. They were locked out of the ship's commands. The turbolift was also not responding. "Down the turbolift shaft," ordered Lorca. Thankfully, down was a much quicker trip than up. Lorca slid down the access ladder at an almost breakneck pace and he and Tyler burst out onto level nine with phasers at the ready.

He found O'Malley laying in a pool of blood in the corridor and checked for a pulse. It was weak, but still there. He grabbed O'Malley. "Computer, emer—" The words died on his lips. No emergency transport. They were locked out.

O'Malley groaned slightly, eyes half-opening. "Gabe," he managed, only the first syllable.

Lorca stared at O'Malley. He was so pale even his freckles seemed to be disappearing. "Tyler! Get someone from medical down here." The only other option was try to carry O'Malley up the turbolift shaft, but with the loss of blood, he needed to be stabilized first. Tyler rushed off to fetch a doctor.

O'Malley's hand weakly reached up and grabbed Lorca's collar. "Listen," whispered O'Malley. "He locked the outer door, but there's a secret way in. Bottom left panel." This was a gross violation of the lab's security procedures, but Lorca could lecture O'Malley about it later.

Lorca carefully lowered O'Malley back down and went to the indicated panel, prying it off with his fingernails. There was a passage behind it too narrow for Lorca. "How am I supposed to," Lorca began, turning to look back at O'Malley only to find O'Malley was crawling over. Lorca darted back to O'Malley's side. "Stop moving!"

O'Malley clutched his hand to his wound. The main attack had been a knife wound directed just below the body armor and up towards the gut to ensure a slow, lingering death. "I'm fine. Look, this is just dinner at my house. Help me in there. I'll open the door from the inside."

There was enough blood on the floor to bathe in, but every minute out here was a minute Mudd was in there with Lalana and Mischkelovitz unsupervised. Lorca dragged O'Malley over to the passageway, helped him squirm inside it, and watched as he disappeared into the darkness. Then he did the thing he hated most: he waited.

The outer door opened after a minute. O'Malley was slumped against the wall, a dark red smear of blood behind him. Lorca stepped into the outer chamber and crouched down to check his pulse.

"Tell Melly... just as much."

"Tell her yourself," said Lorca. O'Malley's pulse was so weak Lorca could not find it.

O'Malley smiled faintly. "Guess... your secret's safe... with me." He closed his eyes and slumped forward. A message popped up on the internal door controls: BIOLOCK PROTOCOL ACTIVE. The outer door slid shut. The display updated: EXTERNAL ACCESS PROHIBITED.

Lorca straightened and readied his phaser. Thankfully, he was already inside. He hit the command to open the internal door.

The intruder in the lab heard the door and reacted by grabbing Mischkelovitz and pulling her in front of him. "Captain! How good of you to join us," said a familiarly taunting voice.

"Mudd," sneered Lorca, face contorting with rage. "What the hell are you doing on my ship!"

Mudd was standing with one hand tightly around Mischkelovitz's neck. Lalana was just off to the side, hands knocking rapidly together in alarm. Mischkelovitz was much smaller than Mudd and made a poor human shield, but between her and Lalana, Mudd had made the better choice in terms of coverage. Mischkelovitz looked at Lorca with terror in her eyes. "Gabe!" she squealed. Her usage of the short form was not something she had ever done directly before. Lorca knew from watching her on the security feeds it was how she referred to him when she was alone.

Mudd grinned, disruptor hovering at Mischkelovitz's ear. "First-name basis! Well then, Gabe, looks like I've found a few of your secrets this time! Never thought I'd get to see your lului. It's much better than the one in that Markalian zoo."

The distance wasn't tremendous, and the lights burned his eyes, but Lorca felt he could make the shot. He aimed his phaser.

In response, Mudd pulled Mischkelovitz more tightly against him and turned his disruptor towards the captain.

Both shots went off at the same time, but neither hit their mark. A blue shape appeared in the air between them, propelled from the side, intercepting both blasts and absorbing the shot that might have taken Mudd's life and would certainly have taken Lorca's. Lorca had one fleeting glimpse of green eyes looking at him and then she was gone, disintegrated into wisps of dust that burned away into nothing and left a singed smell on the air.

The shock lasted but a moment as both men realized their kill shots had failed to eliminate their opponent and took action.

Mudd fired again, but his shot went too high as Lorca ducked into a charge, screaming with a fury that told Mudd he had made an enormous mistake. With absolutely no concern for Mischkelovitz, Lorca barreled into Mudd and his hostage, slamming them both to the ground, the brunt of the impact cracking a number of Mischkelovitz's ribs. Straddling both Mudd and Mischkelovitz, Lorca pinned Mudd's weapon with one hand and pummeled the butt of his phaser against Mudd's face with such force it shattered Mudd's nose. He brought it down again, rage filling his ears, totally oblivious to Mudd's pained yell and Mischkelovitz's terrified, raspy scream as she struggled to breathe beneath his weight. There was a faint crunch as Mudd's orbital bone fractured.

Lorca dropped his phaser but did not cease his onslaught, continuing to batter Mudd with his bare fist. The fracture deepened, the face pulped, and still he continued, the cracking sounds coming as much from his own fist as Mudd's skull bones.

He finally heard Mischkelovitz crying and stopped, rolling off of her and Mudd. His breath heaved in his chest. Mischkelovitz squirmed weakly and whimpered in pain. Lorca's right hand was a uselessly twisted mess, but he managed to get his arms under Mischkelovitz and lift her up.

He stepped over O'Malley's body in the outer chamber. He was careful to keep Mischkelovitz's face against his chest so she would not see what had happened. As if losing a husband and sibling already weren't enough, she had now lost the one person who probably loved her more than anyone else in the universe.

Lorca hushed her softly. "Shh, I got you." He understood what it felt like to lose everyone and everything. Now he understood it twice over. He could still see that last flash of Lalana's bright green eyes in his mind. He triggered the external door with the internal system override.

Tyler, Culber, Larsson, and Allan were in the corridor. Culber gasped and quickly went into action, scanning with his tricorder for injuries. He scanned O'Malley, too, but the life sign was already long gone. Allan and Larsson looked ridiculous in their leis, drinks in hand. Allan also looked absolutely distraught. "This isn't happening!" Allan exclaimed. "How is this happening? This isn't supposed to happen!" He looked to Larsson as if he expected the Swede to somehow know.

Tyler noticed the bloody tangle of Lorca's hand limply dangling alongside Mischkelovitz's arm. "Let me take her, sir," he offered.

"She's my responsibility," said Lorca. He owed O'Malley that, at least.

The timer on Mudd's device maxed out. They were enveloped by a yellow-white explosion.

Reset.

Lab 26 was full of secrets, but not the one Mudd was after. At least Mischkelovitz had turned out to be a useful source of information in the minutes before Lorca's arrival. "It's not us!" she had squealed at him. "We're trying bloak creaks! Bloak creaks—bloak—cloak breaks! You want the mushrooms!" Finally, Mudd understood where he needed to go.

Engineering test bay alpha. On paper, mushroom spore propulsion sounded like a bad joke, but apparently it was a viable technology. Armed with this information, Mudd began his assault on engineering. He had full control of the computer and made short work of the staff in there. Unfortunately, he was unable to ascertain exactly how the drive functioned.

Something was missing, he realized. If he was going to sell this ship to the Klingons, he had to figure out what.

This time, he beamed onto the bridge, took out the crew there first, and then came last for Lorca in his ready room. Perfect timing, really. But then, it always was.

Reset.

Stamets was having a very weird day.

One moment, he was in quarters dismissing Culber's ongoing concerns about his personality changes as being silly, because he felt good, relaxed, better than ever. The next, they were enveloped by a yellow-white explosion and then he was walking down the corridor with Culber away from sickbay again.

"Hang on a sec," he said. "Weren't we just here a minute ago?"

Culber looked at him like he might be crazy, which was a look he was getting used to these days.

Stamets dismissed it the first time. Some sort of bad déjà vu.

Then it happened again. And again.

Stamets tried to alert Burnham and Tyler. "It all starts with a gormagander!" he managed.

It was a space whale. "Oh, for crying out loud," said Lorca. "Cancel yellow alert."

"Sir, scans show the gormagander's bio readings to be highly unstable," reported Saru, and informed Lorca that they were required under the Endangered Species Act to transport it somewhere.

Both Burnham and Tyler suddenly objected. Burnham looked like she had seen a ghost. Lorca stared at the two of them, wondering what was going on. "Let's beam this thing into the shuttle bay and drop it off at the nearest sanctuary soon as we can," said Lorca.

"Captain, I would like to run point on this, sir," said Burnham.

"I don't give a damn," Lorca said, shaking his head at her. "I just want it done." The sooner they got this little detour over and done with, the sooner they could get back to doing something, anything of actual use in the war. Even if that something was just scheduled spore drive tests.

"I request security oversight of the operation," said Tyler.

"I still don't give a damn," said Lorca, and sent them on their way.

A few minutes later, the computer suddenly initiated a black alert. Lorca had not issued any such command. "Computer, show me engineering!"

"Denied," said the computer.

He ordered Tyler to engineering and began to elicit solutions from the bridge crew. "There is nothing we can do, captain. We are locked out of our systems," reported Saru. "We only have nonessential systems."

"Screw the systems, get all security personnel to the lab any way possible," said Lorca. "Through the Jeffreys tubes. Airiam, get me any useful systems control you can manage. I'll take environmental, lights, anything."

"Warning, critical systems overload in 20 seconds," said the computer.

Twenty seconds was not enough time to do anything. Lorca felt a chill at the utter familiarity of this whole situation. It was the Buran all over again.

"Warning, drive overload," said the computer.

"Somebody give me something!" he screamed at the bridge, not wanting this to be the way it ended, not after everything. He looked helplessly at his crew. He had failed them entirely.

Explosion and reset.

It just kept happening over and over. Stamets was trapped in a time loop and no one on the ship but him knew it. It was some quirk of the quantum nature of the mycelial network he was now genetically connected to.

He figured a little bit more out each time. There was an intruder on the ship who arrived hiding in the belly of a gormagander. The intruder had control of the ship's computer. Every single time, people died. Different people different times.

He tried to explain it to Lorca on the fourth reset. The first attempt went about as well as could be expected.

"Captain, we're caught in a temporal loop!" he declared as he entered the bridge.

Lorca pressed the controls on the arm of his chair. "Dr. Culber. Lieutenant Stamets seems to have gotten loose on my bridge. See if you can't come up here and corral him?"

"No, listen to me!" exclaimed Stamets, but Lorca did not.

The fifth reset, the intruder did something different, and Lorca was not even on the bridge when Stamets got there. The sixth reset, things were back to normal and Stamets spoke Lorca's words as Lorca said them: "Lieutenant Stamets seems to have gotten loose on my bridge—" at this point Lorca stopped talking and just stared, so Stamets finished the sentence for him "—see if you can't come up here and corral him."

They were locked out of the main computer functions, but Lorca managed to open a shipwide comm and Mudd was all too happy to answer and stare Lorca directly in the face.

"We meet again, captain," said Mudd. "And again, and again..." He chuckled in amusement.

"Mudd! What the hell are you doing on my ship," scowled Lorca.

"Really, captain, this time you've managed to surprise me! How did you find out I was here?"

Stamets suddenly got the sinking feeling that enlisting Lorca's aid was too obvious and would tip Mudd off as to his awareness of the time loop.

In the end, Lorca antagonized Mudd, Mudd activated the ship's self-destruct in retaliation, and they all blew up again.

Stamets tried Tyler. Tyler was trusted by the captain and could advise discretion, but the problem was, Tyler did not trust Stamets. Fair enough. As much time as Stamets spent trying to get to know him in the time loop, for Tyler, it was always the first time they had ever really spoken. Tilly was also a bust; she was at the party and a little too drunk to take him seriously.

Stamets turned his attention to Burnham. He managed to convince her after a few tries, but they were almost out of time in the currently ongoing loop. "Tell me a secret," he prompted her. "Something that will immediately prove to you we've had this conversation. Something you've never admitted to anyone. I promise it'll be safe with me."

She believed him, so she told him her secret.

Explosion and reset.

Lorca sat in the captain's chair. "Is the fish safely on board yet?" he asked.

"Technically, it's not a fish," said Saru, "it's..."

Lorca shot Saru a look. Saru obligingly shut up. Then Culber requested Lorca in sickbay urgently to discuss Lieutenant Stamets. Lorca stepped into the turbolift with a gnawing feeling of worry in his stomach. "Sickbay, direct."

The turbolift started, then stopped. "Destination canceled," the computer informed him. The doors at the rear of the turbolift opened and Lorca turned to see one of his officers crumple to the ground with a knife in his back.

"Heavy," said a familiar, bearded man holding a disruptor.

"Mudd!" exclaimed Lorca and ordered a red alert. The computer did not respond to him. "What the hell are you doing on my ship?"

"You ask me that question every single time," said Mudd. "You know that, don't you? Of course you don't." Mudd fired a shot past Lorca's arm in a demonstration of his seriousness and ordered Lorca to move. "I really can't take it from the top all over for you again, Lorca. The message from the doctor was not real, I just wanted some alone time with you. There's an area of the ship I can't access and I'm hoping you're hiding your secrets to the spore drive—"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mudd," said Lorca, immediately thinking of Lab 26, "but if you think I'm gonna help you in any way at all, you're crazier than I remember."

"There really are so many ways to blow up this ship, it's almost a design flaw," said Mudd. "Computer! Access self-destruct program."

A chill rushed across Lorca. This was entirely familiar to him. It felt like he was on the Buran all over again. "Stop," he said. "We'll go wherever you want."

"Then get a move on," said Mudd, giving his disruptor a little shake to indicate Lorca should get a move on.

Lorca realized they were not heading towards Lab 26. On the one hand, he was relieved because that meant everything there was safe. On the other, he would really have liked the support of O'Malley's rifle and independent security protocols right now.

Instead, Mudd dropped every hapless crewman unfortunate enough to cross paths with them. At least there were fewer people in the halls than usual. A significant portion of the crew were attending that party.

"You know, I've had a lot of fun so far on Discovery. Found out so many of your secrets. Even had a go at your lului!"

Lorca realized Mudd had already accessed Lab 26. "Mudd," he growled, jaw clenching and teeth hissing.

"Don't worry, captain, that was ages ago! Haven't bothered with them at all this time around. She and that darling little Dr. Frankenstein are snug as bugs right now. I can change that, of course, if you don't cooperate, Gabe."

They arrived outside of Lorca's study. Mudd needed Lorca to provide the personal passcode for entry. Once inside, Mudd found not the secrets of the spore drive he was so desperately searching for, but a lovely collection of weapons from across the cosmos instead. He began to rummage through the guns on offer, looking for one to try.

"Do you know how many times I've had the pleasure of taking your life, Lorca?" sneered Mudd. "Fifty-three! But who's counting. And it never gets old." Mudd checked his wrist. "Oh, drat, we're almost out of time. I'll figure out how that little drive of yours works sooner or later. I've got all the time in the world." And he shot Lorca and watched him vaporize into little flecks of burning particles.

Reset.

"Has that fish beamed aboard safely yet?"

"Well, technically it's not a fish—"

Lorca gave Saru a look. Saru obligingly shut up. "Where the hell are Burnham and Tyler?" asked Lorca. He had called them to the bridge five minutes ago.

Then music began to play. Sweeping, orchestral, triumphant. Wagner.

"Mr. Saru!"

"I don't understand, sir, I'm locked out of the ship's controls."

Lorca hit the panel on his chair. "Computer." Nothing. "Computer, respond!"

The turbolift doors opened. "Let me see what I can do!" announced a familiar, taunting voice. "Computer, reduce volume so we can have a normal, adult conversation."

"Yes, Captain Mudd," said the computer.

Lorca rose from his chair. "Captain Mudd!" he exclaimed, incredulous.

Mudd shrugged at him. "I never thought I would say this, but I'm actually tired of gloating. In any case, this is very much my ship. Your ship? Very much not at all."

Lorca started towards Mudd, because no one—not Mudd, not Cornwell, not anyone—was allowed to take Discovery from him. "All right, show's over, Mudd. Back to whatever little hole you crawled out of—"

"To the brig!" said Mudd, and Lorca vanished in the glimmer of the transporter.

Burnham, Tyler, and Stamets arrived on the bridge. Armed with Burnham's secret, Stamets had managed to enlist both her and Tyler, because while Tyler did not trust Stamets, he trusted Burnham.

Mudd vaporized Tyler in a burst of weaponized antimatter as reward for their efforts. Burnham watched in horror as Tyler vanished before her eyes.

Mudd was hitting the limits of his patience. He was at the point where destroying Discovery was seeming just as palatable an option as selling it to the Klingons. "How do I start that engine, hm? I will disintegrate every single one of you in a screaming fit of agony one at a time. Starting with you!" Mudd started towards Saru.

"Stop!" shouted Stamets. "I can't watch you kill any more people." He pulled up the sleeve of his uniform tunic, revealing the implant that allowed him to interface with the spore drive. "It needs me to work."

Mudd laughed with glee. He finally had everything he needed. "Delicious. Shall we to the engine room?"

There was no one in the brig. No one had been recently locked up, so no one was needed there on duty. Lorca tried to override the controls from inside with no luck. The computer remained unresponsive. He pounded his fists on the forcefield, knowing it would have no effect, but needing some physical outlet to his anger.

He turned his attention to the small console in the wall. It was entirely rudimentary, locked out of most ship systems, but it was his only option. It had the capacity to order food, bring out the cot from the wall, provide a moment's privacy for using the toilet, and not much else. At least, it wasn't supposed to have anything else.

Lorca blinked at the words "BRIG CHESS" in the list of available commands and touched it.

"ENTER NAME" prompted the display, offering him an old-school keyboard and four spaces to fill. Lorca was five letters, so he entered LORC. It then prompted him to set a password, this time a 4-digit numerical code. He entered 1031, Discovery's registry number.

The screen split into two halves. The left half was a leaderboard with names on it. ROVE, M.B., NATE, MISH, LLNA, SARU, AIRM, PAUL, SILY, and more. Each name had a score attached.

The right side showed who was online and listed only one player at present, MISH. Lorca had a good guess who that was. He touched the name. It then prompted him to select from a variety of chess formats including Vulcan. He selected Classic. "REQUEST SENT" appeared and then a chat room popped up.

MISH: Captain? LORC: in brig LORC: ship taken LORC: send mac MISH: Okay he's on his way by the way Lalana says there is a halo of stars everywhere.

Lorca stared at that.

LORC: what MISH: I think she is describing some sort of particle field aberration. I'm not certain what. I'm working to figure it out.

Probably it was related to however Mudd had gotten control of the ship.

O'Malley arrived and tried to lower the forcefield to no avail. "Sorry, captain, I'm totally locked out."

"Try shooting it," growled Lorca.

"That only works in movies!"

"Well if you have a better idea!" Lorca exclaimed.

"I might. Let's call John. If anyone can get control of the systems, it's him."

"Groves?" Lorca found that assertion faintly ridiculous. Groves could get control of a ship that its own captain had been locked out of?

"As he's very fond of pointing out, he could have walked out of that brig any time he wanted to. He simply chose not to. He's probably the best systems hacker you'll ever meet."

A long time ago, Mischkelovitz had said John Groves could be useful in unexpected ways. It seemed the time had finally come for Groves to fulfill that mandate and serve a purpose.

While Lorca languished in the brig and Stamets stalled Mudd in the engineering lab, Burnham continued working to figure out how Mudd was engineering the time loop. Understanding that could bring an end to all of this.

Mudd was not the only thing that had been hiding in the gormagander. An entire ship, linked to the device on Mudd's arm, served as the basis of the time loop power.

Burnham had a plan. There was one secret of Lorca's that Mudd had yet to unravel: her. She was something the Klingons would pay a lot to get, perhaps even more than Discovery itself. She approached Mudd in the ready room, revealed herself, and tantalized Mudd with the prospect of selling her for even more riches.

"Why are you telling me this?" asked Mudd. "What's in it for you?"

"Lieutenant Tyler," said Burnham.

"Lieutenant Tyler is dead," said Mudd.

"Not for long," said Burnham, and used one of the weaponized antimatter modules to disintegrate herself before Mudd's eyes.

The Klingons were hailing. "Damn it!" exclaimed Mudd. He wanted everything. Especially now that he knew exactly how much everything on this ship was worth.

In the brig, Groves released Lorca and opened his mouth to gloat about the sudden reversal of their fortunes, but his triumph was short-lived.

Reset.

Stamets, Burnham, and Tyler approached Lorca. After so many loops, there was no time. They had to get everything right. It was unlikely they would get another chance.

When Mudd arrived on the bridge, Lorca did not even turn to look at the turbolift doors as he said, "Captain Mudd."

"What's this?" asked Mudd, finding all of them ready and waiting.

Lorca stood up. "Your chair," he offered, stepping aside.

They told Mudd he had won. That after so many loops, Stamets had concluded Mudd was unbeatable, and now Mudd had everything he wanted.

"So, Harcourt Fenton Mudd, the USS Discovery is yours." Even knowing it was a falsehood, it still galled Lorca to say the words.

"As am I," said Burnham.

Mudd laughed. "Don't try to con a con man!"

"I'm not," said Lorca. "I'm negotiating with a businessman. My offer is simple. The lives of my crew in exchange for... Burnham, the ship, and Stamets."

"Why would a Federation captain do that?" asked Mudd.

"I will not have a repeat of the Buran." This, at least, was not a falsehood. He extended Mudd his hand. "Your word, Mudd."

Mudd took his time, considered the hand being offered, and finally smiled. "Well, I've never been one to look a gift captain in the mouth!" He shook Lorca's hand with enthusiasm. Lorca looked and felt crushed by the exchange. He hated this. He hated this so much.

Now that Mudd had everything he wanted, he let the temporal loop expire. The time crystal on his arm disintegrated. From here on out, everything was going to be permanent. No more do-overs.

"Captain Mudd, we are being hailed by the Klingons," reported the computer.

Lorca looked at Burnham. If any of them died now, it would be for good, forever. He did not want any of them to die.

Mudd took Burnham and Stamets down to the transporter room to meet the Klingons. "Not you, old man," Mudd said to Lorca. "Lorca, I'm gonna really miss killing you. Adieu, mon capitan!"

Lorca stood on the bridge as the door closed. "Mr. Saru," he said, and returned to the captain's chair. "Bring up the security feeds. Mr. Tyler, let's get you in position." Lorca did not smile, because there was still a risk and Burnham and Stamets were both down there with Mudd and a disruptor, but he was beginning to feel more himself now that the situation was coming back under his control.

Tyler beamed to an adjacent corridor to ambush Mudd. Lorca watched as Stamets and Burnham distracted Mudd and disarmed him. And then, the kicker: when Mudd had thought he was signaling the Klingons, he instead had signaled other parties interested in obtaining not Discovery but Mudd himself.

"Turns out, you can con a con man," said Burnham, and as he watched and listened from the bridge, Lorca smiled. Attagirl, Michael.

"The stars are gone now," Lalana said to Mischkelovitz. "Whatever was happening has ended."

Mischkelovitz stared at the readouts in the lab. Despite her best efforts and her suspicions, she had been unable to figure out exactly what Lalana was seeing, she only knew that Lalana was seeing something.

"Can you tell me all the other times you've seen these stars?" asked Mischkelovitz.

"Of course. The first time was when I met Captain Lorca on the Triton. They were lingering around him like a halo. The second time was when I came aboard Discovery. They were outside the lab, just in front of it. The third time was when we were in null time. They were diffuse that time, different, dimmer."

"And you think they lead you to where you're supposed to be?" This had been Lalana's assertion when the stars had shown up again thirty minutes earlier.

"I can think of no other explanation, except this time, they were everywhere, so bright and sparkling, and now suddenly they are gone."

Mischkelovitz chewed her lip. She did not think the "star halo" was what Lalana thought it was. Mischkelovitz did not believe in fate. "I need something," said Mischkelovitz. "And I need you to answer me honestly. That's not the thing I need, but I need you do this, too."

"I will answer what I am able," said Lalana, which was no promise at all.

Mischkelovitz knew better than to speak the words where the security monitors would overhear. She twitched her finger at Lalana and they moved into Lalana's quarters. Mischkelovitz locked the door behind them, turned towards Lalana, and said with sudden strength and clarity, "You're a part of Section 31, aren't you?"

Lalana tilted her head to the side. "I do not even know what that is. Why would you say such a thing?"

"We were working for them, and they have Rischka's mesearch, and I need that research and the quantum accelerator and scanner we developed. Can you get those things for me?"

Lalana straightened, her tail against the floor for balance. "I will steal it if I have to. How did you know I was with Section 31?"

"Because," grinned Mischkelovitz, her eyes crazily wide and somehow more uneven than usual, "you always lie." In Mischkelovitz's experience, that was the one thing you could always count on Section 31 to do. They had lied when they promised things to her and Milosz about their research. They had lied when they took the research away after he died.

Lalana clicked her tongue in happy mirth. "You are only the second human to have noticed that!"

O'Malley and Lorca finally resumed their discussion in Lorca's ready room.

"Look, Gabriel, it's all well and good, you locking me out of the communications systems, but I would really like to call my wife, and frankly, if it comes out that I didn't report anything because you prevented me, that's going to reflect rather badly. So knock it off."

Lorca frowned. "I can't let you send that report, Mac."

"Don't you want to know what it says?" O'Malley tossed his padd onto Lorca's desk.

It was the worst report Lorca had ever read. It mentioned an incident had occurred involving a weapon in the captain's quarters, but that the witness was unable to provide an official statement, investigation was presently stalled and inconclusive, and factors were at play that might have compromised both parties regarding the incident. There was no mention of what these factors were, what the accusation was, or even the fact the unnamed witness was an admiral who had been captured by Klingons. At the bottom the report said Preliminary investigation inconclusive.

"So now our asses are covered," said O'Malley. "My ass, anyway. If Cornwell ever turns up, I was unable to proceed owing to her absence, and if you get your wish, the poor woman will end up murdered and this will never go any further."

Lorca chewed his lip. He could hear it in O'Malley's tone, but just in case, he looked up at O'Malley's face. It was grim and very displeased. "Don't even think about thanking me," said O'Malley. "I officially owe you no favors. And for the record, Cornwell's right. You do need help. It just so happens we still need you. I feel sick for my part in this, do you understand that? I'm absolutely gutted. I don't know how you can live with yourself."

Lorca's mouth tugged into a frown. He could live with it because he still had Discovery and everyone on it, but he could tell this was eating O'Malley up. "Listen," he began.

"No, you listen! You're better than this. Every time you do some awful thing to someone, you always manage to make up for it somehow, so you have to do that now. You have to make this count. I don't care what it is, just give me something that matters. Just—something!" O'Malley's lip trembled and his nose scrunched up. He clasped his hand to his face. His voice cracked as he said, "God, I hate you! You have to do better, Gabriel, please."

Lorca considered O'Malley. For all that O'Malley was pathetic, he had also gone out of his way to protect Lorca despite the personal toll it was taking. "All right, Mac," said Lorca. "I'll find a way to make this count." He would single-handedly kill every last Klingon if that's what it took.

O'Malley's hand fell away, revealing a pain as deep as any Lorca had ever seen. "It's not that easy." O'Malley sighed, shook his head, and looked away. Then he said in a small voice, "Computer. Site to site transport. Personal quarters."

Lorca had a fairly good idea O'Malley had done that so no one would see him cry. He stared at the empty air where O'Malley had been standing. The ship seemed suddenly a little lonelier.

Part 67

#Gabriel Lorca #Captain Lorca #Michael Burnham #Star Trek #Discovery #Star Trek Discovery #fanfic #fanfiction #Saru #Paul Stamets #Hugh Culber #Harry Mudd #Harcourt Fenton Mudd #Ash Tyler

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popshield · 4 years

Text

Room 101

The Corporation’s legendary Maid of Orleans studios have, at one time or another, been frequented by most of the famous musicians in the land. Once home to Ray’s Bionic Glock Shop, creators of incidental music for early television programmes, its endlessly long and confusing corridors spawned a myriad of crazy sound sculptures including the Doctor What Theme. And for the past sixteen years, inexplicably, it has been one of my places of work. Hello Cleveland.

It’s 7am on Sunday morning and I’m parking up outside the building’s long white façade. Upon entering, the security guard on Reception looks, quite frankly, put out to have to engage with another human being. I feel the same. It’s too early. Come 8am today we are going to have our work cut out because a film crew are invading with their own unique type of bizarre military organised chaos. They are making a TV documentary series about the history of electronic music. They will be filming Ray showing off a vintage bionic glock from a collection belonging to the Corporation. Which is curated by my friend and yours, the legendary Sir Roger Andrews, head of everything.

I use the term ‘curated’ loosely. It’s mostly bits and pieces packaged in bubble wrap and hidden in crumpled cardboard boxes stuffed into wonky metal cupboards around the building. Some items are ‘filed’ in Room 101, more of which later. The important thing is that Roger Andrews recognises the important difference between, say a piece of extremely valuable legacy equipment worthy of being exhibited in a museum, with a load of old tat. Which no-one else does.

Roger Andrews has set this booking up. In the trade, it is known as a ‘Roger Andrews Special’. This is when Roger Andrews dreams up something unfathomably complicated in his head and it’s everyone else’s job to try and reverse-engineer what he might be thinking.

Roger is a small, quiet and helpful man. I say man, he is actually half man, half rucksack. He walks quite fast but prefers to travel using a combination of white magic and MIDI message, and can easily vanish to any room in Maid Of Orleans and back in a split second. The catchphrase during these bookings is “Have you seen Roger?”. Whereupon he sometimes apparitions, already having just done what you were about to do, and sometimes not, but then he appears when you phone him. None of his devices have ever run out of battery power. The trade-off being that precisely one minute prior to any live radio transmissions broadcasted from Maid of Orleans, the equipment has a tendency to drop out and then inexplicably restore itself, having been perfectly fine during the soundcheck.

The entire building is dark, and so I play a little game of Automatic or Not? with the lights. Interspersed by a few rounds of Switch Hunt.

I pull a giant lever to power up Room 333, where Ray and his fellow pioneers of early sampling used to work. Whiling away their days tweaking test tone oscillators with their toes, hitting piano strings with whistling kettles, and running five mile tape loops to The Mothership and back via a secret hatch in the basement leading down to the Bakerloo line. This is one of two spaces I am to offer the film crew. The other is Studio 5 downstairs.

As well as the famous bionic glock, Ray will need two old tape machines, a rare vocoder and a vintage analogue synthesizer (now worth two million guilders). Roger has told me that he would set everything up in advance. However, there is no sign of any equipment anywhere.

I head downstairs to Studio 5 to throw a few more giant switches and play a few more rounds of Automatic or Not? No gear. Hmm.

My phone rings. A man called Luke and his crew of thousands have arrived at Reception. I head upstairs. Looking at the throng, I have no idea who is who, and just say hello to anyone and everyone then instantly forget their name. Aha. Here is someone who looks organised. “Hi, my name is Pop, I say. “So is mine” says Pop. “That’s easy!” says Pop. “Yes Pop, it is.” Pop seems to be in charge.

Luke asks me where to load in. He now seems to be in charge. I explain that one space is upstairs and one is downstairs, but they are a few miles apart and it rather depends where the filming is going to be. And that depends on where the equipment is. It is time to send a 16 bit trigger message to Roger Andrews’ brain via carrier pigeon. He generally responds just before you press ‘Send’. In the meantime, Luke and I do the sixty mile round trip to view the two spaces and back, whereupon Roger Andrews both calls me and apparitions in Reception at the same time.

“Morning!” I exclaim. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today but I sure am glad to see you”. “Ah yes, it got a bit complicated. I’ll explain later” he says. He never explains. “We’re in Studio 2.” My phone goes again. It’s Pete from the film company. Pete seems to be even more in charge. “Hello Pop” he says. “I’m in charge and I’m rather concerned you haven’t got the message that we’re in Studio 2”. “It’s ok, I have just received it.” I reply. “Sorry about the delay and the confusion. Load in at Door D.” The security guard interrupts me. “Because the crew has more than twenty people, the unreliable goods lift is therefore out of action.” He says. “Load in at Door C”. “Load in at Door C” I repeat pointlessly to Luke. “Let me show you where that is.” We do another sixty mile round trip. “You’re going to have to carry all your gear down the steps. Sorry once again for the delay and confusion”.

Roger disappears to start setting up all the crazy stuff. As I mentioned, one of Roger’s many unique talents is hoarding old equipment. I have never known one person to gather up so much near-obsolete gear in my life. It lives everywhere, but most of all in Room 101 in a backwater of Maid of Orleans. Room 101 is a nightmare. It is full to the rafters with shelves upon shelves crammed with unsorted gear.

The master key for Room 101 is long-since lost, probably inside its four walls. In order to get in there you have to go to the engineers’ room and borrow their spare key which is attached to a brass candlestick so that no one can lose it. If their room is locked, which it is today, you have to do the sixty mile round trip to Reception to borrow their key, which is attached to a concert grand piano so that it definitely cannot leave the building.

Roger teleports to Reception, puts the piano and the key in his rucksack and disappears.

Meanwhile, I open up Studio 2 and play a quick game of Switch Hunt in the control room. Hundreds of people appear, all of whom seem to be in charge. They start setting up tables of croissants and asking for access to WIFI, which only works every other day. It never works if the visiting artists are taking a flight or staying in a hotel within the next 36 months.

Just after the crew have loaded in, Pete appears and says “Hey, this isn’t the right studio. It’s next door’. The crew then do some kind of crazy stop-frame animation thing, with tables of croissants and tea urns jumping from studio to studio all around the building, until everyone is in the right place and logged onto WIFI. It takes about 25 milliseconds.

Meanwhile Roger keeps disappearing and reappearing, during which time the other Pop and I try and reverse-engineer where he is by looking at some recce photos on Pop’s phone. I play detective and try to guess which room he is in by the distinctive vintage colour tone of the seamless flooring in the picture. I get it wrong about five times, during which we cover another few hundred miles of the building. We later discover Roger has been in a secret room that no one else has ever noticed. It houses Ray’s famous bionic glock, one of the world’s rarest electronic instruments.

I give up trying to find Roger and instead focus on collecting spanners and kettle leads and GPO to igranic connectors. I am quite good at this as I’ve tidied them all up into a special entropy-free zone.

Whilst we are setting up, a camera lady, who seems to be in charge, starts randomly wheeling valuable kit around to make the frame look pretty. She seems completely oblivious to the fact that the items are (a) priceless (b) plugged in to power and attached to each other with cables and (c) that I am lying on the floor right next to them like a car mechanic trying to find inaccessible output sockets of unknown connector-type. She does her best to run over my precious head at every available opportunity. I glare at her incredulously, which has zero impact. So I ask her to stop it. Immediately she is at it again. If she takes Roger Andrews out we’ll really be in trouble.

Then my phone rings. I do another sixty mile round trip to Reception to collect Ray. Ray is not in charge. He is going to be interviewed about the history of Ray’s Bionic Glock Shop. He is wearing a kaftan with a brown lab coat on top. His glasses are upside down and he merrily spouts endless fascinating facts about the former activities that lay behind the 527 doors that we pass along the corridor before taking the stairs down to the studio.

From there on in it all runs very straightforwardly. Roger Andrews evaporates. We record for one minute whereupon the massive crew pack everything away via stop-frame animation teamwork in about 30 seconds. “Bye” says the other Pop. “I’ll never forget you!” “Bye!” I reply, and instantly forget her.

It then takes a couple of weeks for my weary head and body to work out where to put all the incredibly heavy equipment back. During the course of this, I find new routes and several other rooms I have never seen before, and probably will never again.

The building falls silent and somewhat eery once more. I throw some things into Roger Andrew’s scary lair and shut the door, slipping the latch and turning out the lights as I go.

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lullaandby · 4 years

Text

sincerely yours. c text

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short.

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.

a treasure chest of anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy.

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo! You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation.

"These guys are no good.

Nah. Not like how they used to be.

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior.

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad.

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

Dad. We're done here.

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold.

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net

there’s a photo of your neighbor,

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year.

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys.

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Corninthians and just put in random numbers.

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away.

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese

Do it out

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set.

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential.

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl.

Who was just one two many break ups deep.

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny.

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one.

STORY- ME

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE.

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office

Keep talking about going to sweet greens

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness.

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething.

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION.

Repression in females comes from mis placed validation

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS

Jessica simpson?

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane.

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off.

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack.

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah.

Just do it out. Oprah.

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family

Who came before them

As precious moments statues.

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science.

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

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star-trekkin-across-theuniverse · 7 years

Text

Cover You in Oil, Pt27

Word Count: 6798 Author’s Note: This story came about because Tony Stark kept horning in on every other story I was writing. He clearly wanted me to write his story. So now, in 154,627 words, Tony has the longest story I’ve ever written. I hope he’ll leave me alone for a while. Tags: @outside-the-government, @yourtropegirl @to-pick-ourselves-up-7, @ghostssss, @rampant-salamander, @saysay125, @sistasarah-sallysaidso @shewhorunswithfandoms, @flirtswithdanger @rayleyanns @anyakinamidala @dirajunara @castiels-ass-butt-1967 @anotherotter

With just days left until the wedding, it was time for the final fitting on her wedding dress, and Clint had escorted Sally to see Mavis. Mavis took one look at her and clucked her tongue in disapproval.

“You’ve lost some weight, Sally-girl,” she commented, pinching the dress where it was now gaping. “I’ll just nip this in here. Your girls both came to me for their dresses, sweetheart. I’m not supposed to tell you what we did, but I know you’re gonna be so tickled when you see them.”

Sally smiled, but said nothing as Mavis tweaked at the dress. Mavis sent her to take it off once the pins were in it, and Sally carefully shimmied out of it, leaving it on the hanger in the bathroom. Mavis and Clint were chatting about neighbourhood happenings when she returned.

“So Clint will pick up the dresses in a few days,” Mavis returned her attention to Sally. Sally nodded. “You’re quiet, Sally-girl. You alright?”

Sally smiled again and nodded. “I am fine, Mavis. Just tired. Anxious. Mostly tired though,” she admitted. Mavis pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed both her cheeks.

“Never truer words spoken from a bride. It’ll be over soon enough, don’t you worry,” Mavis reassured her. Sally laughed despite herself, and leaned into the comfort of Mavis’s arms.

“There seem to be a million things that still need done, and not enough time,” she commented. Mavis nodded.

“Make that man of yours take care of some of it,” Mavis admonished with a stern look. Sally shook her head and laughed.

“Pepper has already done most of it. What’s left is really up to Tony and I to sort. And he is helping, don’t you worry,” she promised. “Just finalizing a few little things.”

“And when does your Momma arrive?” Mavis asked. “I’m a little surprised she wasn’t here for this fitting.”

“She was supposed to be,” Sally admitted. “But the weather out of Seattle slowed down the flight’s departure. She should be waiting at home when I get back.”

“You tell her if she needs anything with her dress to have Clint bring her over, honey,” Mavis offered. Sally hugged Mavis again.

“Thank you. You make sure Clint has you to the wedding on time, okay?” Sally admonished. “Don’t take his laid-back attitude and let you be late.”

“Hey, I resemble that!” Clint protested. “But do you really think I’m gonna risk being late? I’ve got a line on a hot bridesmaid, and I want to impress her.” He winked. Sally laughed and shook her head.

“We’ll see you on Friday, Mavis.” Sally squeezed her hand and turned toward the door, chucking Clint in the shoulder on the way. “Come on, Romeo, maybe we should stop and make sure you have a suit that will make that bridesmaid look good?”

“Great idea,” he laughed, following her out.

Beth Manners was looking out the window across the city when Sally returned to the Tower. She said nothing, but quickly pulled Sally into a bone-crushing hug that lasted long enough that Sally wondered if her mother was planning on letting go before the wedding.

“Mama?” She leaned back and caught a single tear streaking down her mother’s cheek.

“What you’ve been through, my baby girl, I just -”

“I’m fine, Mama,” Sally reassured her, pulling her back into her arms. “You didn’t raise a doormat, that man never saw what hit him.”

“Tony sent me the video,” Beth laughed, wetly. “I’ve never been more proud. He told me on the drive from the airport that they’ve made you a duchess?”

“That’s the story,” Sally nodded, moving across the suite to the kitchen to get them both a glass of water. She gestured for Beth to sit at the counter while she fussed with ice cubes. “The parliament sent me my crown, even.”

“Will you ever wear it?” Her mom wore a contemplative look. Sally shrugged.

“Tony thinks I should wear it for the wedding. I think it’s a bit petty,” Sally admitted. Beth nodded slowly, and Sally could tell she was deep in thought.

“Well, sweetie, it could go both ways. Wearing it would definitely be a loud statement in the direction of that von Doom asshole,” Beth started. “But you could wear it as a gesture of thanks to the people in Latveria who really risked their lives to get you out of there. Which would be another nice little fuck you to that man.”

Sally choked on her water, and sputtered, trying not to laugh too hard. Her mother had always had the most colourful language in the family, but her professional career had largely toned it down over the years. Sally had forgotten how quickly it resurfaced when she was angry. “Mama!” The protest was empty, and backed with giggles.

“I’m sure your Tony won’t mind my invective, sweetie. I bet Victor von Dumbass would have had issues with it though,” Beth shrugged. Sally bit her lip and shook her head.

“I love you, Mama,” Sally murmured. “Seattle seems too far away.”

“When you’ve decided where you two are going to settle, we can negotiate my retirement home. How’s that sound?” Beth reached across the counter and entwined her fingers with her daughter’s.

“Does that include requisite pressure about grandbabies?” Sally laughed.

“Tony is a wonderful man, but he’s not getting any younger,” Beth winked. Sally couldn’t help it, she cackled.

“We haven’t actually talked about babies, Mama,” Sally admitted. A concerned look clouded Beth’s features. She drew in her breath like she was about to say something, but Sally held her hand up to stop her. “Mama, please. Just listen. I don’t care if we have kids. I honestly don’t. If he wants children, I’m in, and we’ll have kids. If he doesn’t, it’s not a deal breaker. You must understand that? He’s my soulmate. His name was on my leg. And I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m with him. Never, Mama. Like even though I’ve always been a complete, entire person, when we finally spoke to each other, I found the only other complete, entire person that could complement me. That our individuality allows us to be even more whole.”

“I always felt like something was missing until I met your Dad.” Beth’s face was a mask of confusion.

“You know how Jackie’s Burger Bar makes the best burger you’ve ever tasted?” Sally explained, talking about her family’s favourite haunt from her childhood. Beth nodded. “And they have those strawberry milkshakes that are perfect for dipping the steak cut fries into?”

“You’re making me hungry, and not explaining anything about Tony,” Beth laughed.

“I’m getting there. Jackie’s burgers are the best burger ever. And Jackie’s fries are the best fries ever. And when you order them together, they are the best damn burger and fries you’ll ever eat. One doesn’t outshine the other, one isn’t better. And you can have a burger without fries, or fries without a burger. Because they’re perfectly complete as what they are. But when you put them together, they’re stellar. That’s how I feel with Tony,” Sally explained.

“But they’re even better with a strawberry shake,” Beth countered, winking.

“But you don’t need a strawberry shake in order for your meal at Jackie’s to be complete,” Sally admonished. “And that’s how I feel about Tony.”

“Ever walk into a conversation and wonder what the hell is being talked about?” Tony asked as he leaned down and kissed Beth’s cheek, and then stepped over to press his lips softly against Sally’s.

“Sally was explaining that you are the fries to her burger and you don’t need a milkshake to be complete,” Beth teased. Tony nodded like that made sense.

“Maybe a little milkshake,” Tony suggested, waggling his eyebrows. Sally grinned.

“Little milkshakes grow up into big milkshakes,” she pointed out. Tony furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Wait, we aren’t talking about milkshakes, are we?” He asked. Sally shook her head and laughed. “Or, uh, romance?”

“No, we aren’t.”

Sally sat down at the dining room table, beside Beth. Pepper sat across from them, a StarkPad in front of her.

“Here’s the rundown, Sally,” Pepper smiled. “Everything is ready. Flowers are ordered, as you decided. The caterer is set, the cake is stunning, you saw Mavis about your dress. Table settings are ready, the RSVP list is finalized, photographer is booked. We have one little hitch.”

“Oh?” Sally raised an eyebrow.

“Steve was going to officiate. And he’s still willing to, but Tony is, well,” Pepper trailed off. Sally sighed.

“Let me talk to them,” Sally said. “Everything else is ready?”

“Right down to the decor. I opted to go along the Christmas theme just because the entire tower is already decorated, and it was easy to just write off the ballroom as seasonal,” Pepper laughed.

“Because the CEO of Stark Industries worries about the bottom line?” Sally responded with a snort. Pepper just grinned and shrugged.

“Someone has to think about it. Steve is in the garage working on his Harley, if you want to talk to him,” Pepper suggested. Sally pushed away from the table with a deep sigh and headed down to the garage. There was big band music quietly playing, a speaker set up on the workbench beside Steve, and his jaw was squared. Sally watched as he pursed his lips and shoved the part he was working on away from him with a grunt of irritation.

“Want a hand?” Sally offered. Steve jumped, surprised she was standing behind him.

“I didn’t see you there,” he explained. “I can’t pop the cover off. It seems like it might be rusted together.”

“Lemme take a look -” Sally reached over, and Steve shook his head.

“Not to be rude, Sally, but if I can’t pry it open with my strength, what makes you think you can get it open?” Steve asked. Sally smirked and grabbed the part, popping it apart with ease.

“Skill will always win over strength, Steve,” Sally laughed as she handed it back. “You already know that.”

“How -”

“There’s a latch that you missed because of the rust,” she interrupted.

“My guess is that you didn’t sense my frustration and know you needed to come help out, so what brings you down here, Sally?” Steve changed the subject abruptly.

“It’s about the wedding,” Sally started. Steve crossed his arms and his features went blank. He was closing off his emotions from her. “Are you still willing to officiate?” His shoulders slumped in response.

“Of course I am, Sally,” Steve nodded. “Does Tony still want me to, though?”

“I want you to,” Sally shrugged.

“But Tony -”

“I came to talk to you first, to make sure you were still good with it. Wedding is just a few sleeps away, Steve, I needed to know if you were onboard before I give the big push to Tony,” Sally interrupted. “You know how hurt he is. This might take me some time.”

“Do you have a backup plan, if he says no?” Steve asked.

“I don’t need one. Tony is a good man. But he’s hurting. Let me help him see reason, and we’ll go from there,” Sally explained. “How is Bucky?”

“Blaming himself for everything,” Steve replied.

“He saved me.” Sally’s tone was strong. “He saved me more than once. That has to count for something.”

“I agree,” Steve nodded, turning back to his project. He stopped and looked up. “Hey, is Jake coming?”

“That’s my understanding,” Sally nodded.

“It’ll be good to see him,” Steve grinned. “Well, if you can convince Tony that I’m still needed.”

“Sally, why can’t you just accept that I don’t want anything to do with him?” Tony asked, turning away to refill his drink. Sally sighed, but didn’t get up from her stool at the bar to pin him in. Instead, she chose to stare him down until he turned back to her and met her gaze.

“Tony, we talked about this,” Sally implored. “I don’t understand why, if you can forgive and offer to help Bucky, you can’t also see to reason about Steve?”

“Because he knew, princess. He knew and he said nothing,” Tony spat. Sally drew in a deep breath.

“No, he suspected. No one knew until Bucky admitted it. Yes, the evidence was strongly suggestive that his suspicions were right on the money, but it was still just conjecture. So how was Steve supposed to broach that with you?” Sally asked. “Tony, you’re his best friend -”

“Bucky is his best friend,” Tony interrupted.

“You are too. Just like Rhodey and Steve are your best friends,” Sally countered. “And honey, you’re a hard read. Sometimes you act like you are just flip and silly and don’t care about things, and other times, when you let people in, they see how deeply you feel. I can’t speak on his behalf, but give Steve the benefit of the doubt. Will staying angry with him solve anything? Will it make the team stronger? Will it help you to properly grieve the loss of your parents?”

“No, but -” Tony started.

“No but nothing, Tony. All your anger is going to do is hurt you in the long run.” Sally reached across the bar and took his hand in hers. “I love you, Tony. And I know that you are Iron Man. And I know that means that you are going to be in danger, and putting yourself in harm’s way. So, selfishly, I want everything to be good with that team you go out with all the time. I don’t want to worry about team dynamics putting you at risk.”

“Steve wouldn’t let anything compromise the team,” Tony argued.

“What if you can’t settle this and Steve chooses to leave the team instead of compromise your safety? If you can’t take orders during a mission, he won’t stick around,” Sally suggested. Tony sighed.

“Princess, I love you, but you’re asking a lot.” Tony scrubbed a hand through his goatee, and then across the back of his neck. Sally nodded.

“He’s down in the garage. Go talk to him. Yell if you need to. But sort it out.” Sally pushed away from the bar, and stepped around back with Tony. She slipped her arms around his waist, and pressed her head against his chest, hoping the gesture would offer comfort, even as she drew comfort from it. “I love you, Tony. You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for.”

Tony and Steve were both absent during dinner, which made Sally nervous. She tried not to show it, but it weighed on her. Were they talking or fighting? If they were fighting, had it become physical? She sat, introspective, as Beth commandeered the dinner conversation, and pulled all kinds of information from Natasha, Clint, and Wanda as they ate, keeping the mood lively and interesting. Eventually, Steve wandered in, at the tail end of the meal, served himself a plate and sat down beside Sally.

“Where’s -”

“In your room,” Steve interrupted, his voice barely above a whisper. Sally excused herself and took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. She stepped into the suite, and looked across the living room for Tony. The bedroom was dark. She turned to the balcony and saw him leaning against the rail, looking across the city, and rushed to his side. He smiled when he saw her coming out onto the deck, and lifted his arm to invite her to snuggle into his side. Without getting a sense of his mood, she did, leaning against him as his arm wrapped around him.

“We’re okay,” he offered, his voice rough and quiet. Sally cocked her head and looked up at him. “No, really, Sally. We’re okay.”

“You are strong, and brave, and good,” Sally murmured, squeezing slightly. Tony huffed out a scoff.

“I’m petty. I’m weak. And I want vengeance,” he countered.

“You’re hurting,” Sally stated, the simplicity of the truth breaking down whatever walls Tony had been trying to erect. A tear slipped from his eye, and he blinked, causing it to splash off his cheek. “You don’t want vengeance, though. You aren’t that kind of man.”

“I want someone to feel this pain, and understand -” he started, his jaw clenched.

“Tony, I feel it. Just like I felt the shrapnel in your heart,” Sally interrupted. “Just like you felt my appendix, and Doom’s interference. But I also felt it when I lost my Dad. And Bucky feels it. I’m sure of it. And did you see how exhausted Steve looked? We are all sharing a part of this. No, none of it as much as you, and I wouldn’t suggest for a minute that’s the case.”

“I want her back.” His voice cracked, and his grip on her tightened. Sally pulled him into the house and over to the couch. She tugged him down beside her, and he buried his head against her shoulder, painful wrenching sobs pouring out of him. Her fingers tangled in his hair as she smoothed it out, stroking the soft strands and rocking, almost as a mother with a new babe.

“Shhhhh. I’m here,” she murmured. “I’ve got you.” They stayed that way until Tony’s sobs subsided into quiet shudders and deep breaths. Sally pulled her feet up on the couch, and tugged him down against her, getting comfortable. Tony groaned in complaint every time she tried to move, and would settle against her quickly as soon as she stilled. She accepted the idea of a long, uncomfortable night on the couch, and drifted off still running her fingers through Tony’s hair.

Every muscle groaned when Sally woke up. Tony was still beside her on the couch, he face buried in her hair, his arm tight at her waist. Sunlight was streaming into the living room through the wall of windows and she moaned in annoyance at the brightness of it.

“Tony, wake up,” she muttered. Tony’s only response was to pull her closer. “Tony, let go, I gotta pee.”

“Mind over matter, if you think you don’t you won’t,” he mumbled into her hair.

“I don’t think you know how physiology works, Tony. I gotta pee.” She tried to extricate herself from his arms, and wound up sliding onto the floor in an undignified heap. She pushed herself to her feet and deftly dodged the outreached hand Tony put up to try to stop her from heading to the bathroom.

Tony was making a pot of coffee when she returned. He looked refreshed, despite the uncomfortable night spent on the couch, and Sally had to wonder how much sleep he ever got. He stared at her across the island in the kitchen, a softly intense gaze that made her warm. “Thank you.” Two simple words, and Sally was in his arms in a flash.

“In two days, I will be your wife. Sharing these burdens is part of the gig,” Sally admonished. “There’s no need for thanks.”

“There will always be a need for thanks, princess.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she smiled.

“Steve has a really beautiful ceremony written,” Tony offered. Sally’s heart skipped a beat. It really was okay.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“I would marry you right now without the big fuss, you know,” he said.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet, so maybe not,” Sally teased. “Besides, Pepper went to all this trouble.”

“You might be surprised about some of the details,” he laughed. “I might have actually done a little to help out.”

“I look forward to seeing those fine Tony Stark touches,” Sally laughed. “In the meantime, have you written your vows?”

“Ages ago. You?”

“Sure,” Sally lied. Tony’s eyes widened.

“You haven’t!” He accused. Sally cringed.

“I have two days!” She protested. He shook his head with a wry smile and kissed her forehead again.

“I’m withholding any further affection until after the wedding,” he threatened. “Actually, your mother was talking to me about this, and has suggested you move into her suite until the wedding. She thinks it will help you focus on what still needs done, and I like the idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“This has nothing to do with the fact you still haven’t done your Christmas shopping?” Sally raised an eyebrow. Tony laughed.

“You haven’t finished yours, either,” he said.

The next two days were a rush of last minute shopping, last minute decisions, and last minute preparations for the wedding. Sally found herself escorting both Clint and Steve to their final suit fittings, as though she somehow would have some insight into whether or not they looked good. And Clint managed to weasel her into helping with his present for Natasha, a simple and stunning gold arrow pendant necklace that Sally was certain Natasha would love and cherish. Sally was on the phone finalizing the delivery details of Tony’s wedding gift when her mother brought a box out into the living room of their shared suite.

“Yes, there will be someone there to meet you. When you arrive, I will be paged to come down and sign for delivery, and will show you where I want it put,” Sally explained for what felt like the hundredth time. “Yes, thank you. We’ll see you this afternoon then.”

“This is for you. I think it qualifies for old and borrowed,” Beth pushed the box across the table. “You understand, this is only on loan. I want it back.” Sally reached for the box, and carefully pulled off the lid. A beautiful strand of pearls was laid in a bed of navy velvet.

“These are Nan’s -”

“And they were gifted to me on the occasion of my twenty-fifth anniversary to your father. And you will received them for keeps on the same anniversary. But in the meantime, they are old, and they are borrowed. And I understand your dress has a new blue ribbon,” Beth smiled. “Wedding traditions can be silly, but they carry more meaning after a few years.”

“Mama, they’re beautiful. And perfect,” Sally breathed, holding the strand up.

“And not yours for keeping,” Beth reminded her with a grin. And then her face changed, growing serious. “Are you ready, sweetheart?”

“Absolutely,” Sally nodded.

“And you’ve finished your vows?” Beth pressed, arching an eyebrow.

“You know I think better on my feet,” Sally complained.

“This is not the time to improvise, Sally,” Beth scolded. Sally sighed and nodded.

“Writer’s block is not something I’d wish on an enemy, Mama,” she sighed, flopping back in the chair she was seated on. “How do I articulate all the things I want to say?”

“You just say them.” Beth rose, and rubbed Sally’s shoulders. “But you need to think of them so that you don’t stare at him blankly.”

“Can I read it out?” Sally asked. “I don’t know if I can memorize anything this late.”

“Of course,” Beth laughed. “Tony will know you mean it, even if you read it word for word. I’m going to go wrap presents in my room. Write your vows. Then get to bed. That stylist is coming first thing in the morning because midday weddings are all the rage.”

“I’m still waiting on Tony’s gift, Mama,” Sally reminded her.

“By the time you get those vows down, it’ll be here,” Beth called as she disappeared into her room, shutting the door. Sally pulled the notepad she’d been scribbling ideas on forward and started started writing down her thoughts. She barely noticed when she was paged to accept delivery on Tony’s gift, and was back at the table with a cup of hot herbal tea before she realized she’d signed the delivery paper.

Sally looked at herself in the mirror, taking in the picture of the soft curls framing her face, and the make-up that was so perfectly applied that she looked nearly bare. The dress pulled in at her waist, the blue bow neat at her hip. She was breathless. She’d never seen herself look so perfect, so beautiful. It was like magic had happened.

“Last decision,” Kevin spoke from behind her. “Are we wearing our crown, or not?” Sally quirked an eyebrow at the stylist.

“I don’t feel that it’s right,” Sally hedged.

“If not now, Sally, when?” Candy interjected. “If you never wear it again, you should have worn it today.”

“It’s so ostentatious,” Sally protested.

“The crown jewels of England are ostentatious,” Kevin countered. “I’ve seen bridal tiaras taller than this, with more rhinestones in them.”

“I think those are diamonds,” Sally pointed out.

“Regardless, Sally, as wedding tiaras go, it’s not that insane,” Candy offered.

“Okay, let’s do it,” Sally sighed. “Tony will love this.” She sat back down and allowed Kevin to finick with her hair and pin the crown in. When it was ready, she realized they were right, and it wasn’t as ridiculously ostentatious as she’d believed. Candy held a cup out to Sally with a straw in it.

“Drink. Electrolytes. It’ll help keep you going today,” she offered. “Without messing up your lipstick.”

“Because you’re going so far?” Sally teased. Candy just shrugged. Pepper and Natasha pushed into the room quietly, and waved. Sally had to resist the urge to shriek at the perfection of their dresses, both a similar retro feel to them as her own dress. Natasha wore a deep green, and Pepper a dark red. They were stunning. Sally pushed herself to her feet and pulled each of them into her arms, causing an awkward three person hug filled with muffled giggles. “Thank you for standing with me.” The women broke apart to admire one another more effectively.

“You chose the tiara,” Natasha clapped her hands in unbridled glee. Pepper sighed with a gentle laugh.

“Tony will go nuts,” she chuckled. “You look amazing, Sally.”

“Most beautiful bride in the world.” Natasha took Sally’s hands in hers. “Are you ready?”

“Just need my notes, and I’m good,” Sally nodded, leaned around Natasha to where she’d left her vows. “You’ll need to hold these for me until I need them.” Pepper pulled the lid off a large box, revealing the flowers. Large white, red and green gerbera daisies winked happily in round clusters wrapped in sparkling white ribbon.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Pepper,” Sally ran her fingers through the strips of ribbons, drawing her fingertips gently down the petals. Beth opened the door and leaned in.

“They’re playing our prelude song, sweetie, time to go,” she smiled, holding a hand out to Sally. Sally picked up her bouquet, and walked toward her mother. Pepper and Natasha followed after picking up their bouquets, and they crowded into the elevator together. Beth stepped away and looked at Sally, tears springing to her eyes. “Oh, lovey, if only your Dad could see you. You’re beautiful.”

Sally swallowed thickly, and blinked, looking at the ceiling of the elevator. She looked natural, but she knew exactly how much time Candy had put into her make-up. There was no way she was going to wreck it with tears.

“Just like we practiced last night,” Pepper instructed as the elevator stopped. “Once we’re at the doors, Sally, stand aside so no one can see you. We’ll step in and process, and when Natasha gets to the third red swag, the music will change, and that’s when the doors will open for you, and you can start your walk. Tony said to let you know he chose your processional. Beth, you look stunning. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.” Pepper tapped on the doors to the ballroom, and one of them opened, letting her step through with Natasha. They swung closed again, and Sally could hear the processional music leading them down the aisle. After what felt like forever, the music changed, and the doors of the ballroom swung open again.

A song Sally knew but couldn’t place started, and she took a deep breath and allowed her mother to walk her down the aisle toward Tony, a nervous smile plastered on her face. About halfway there, Steve smirked and tapped Tony’s shoulder, and Tony turned back to look at Sally. Sally saw his shoulders hitch and then, surprisingly, he dashed a tear from his eyes without looking away. Sally’s smile relaxed. Her mother stopped just shy of the small raised platform where Steve and Tony stood.

Steve held his hand out and helped Sally step up onto the dais, and then joined her hand with Tony’s. Before she offered her other hand, she held her bouquet out to Natasha, who took it and held it with hers.

Tony leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Figured out the song yet?” He teased.

“Not even close,” she replied, kissing his in return.

“You’re failing your premarital rock and roll exam,” he teased.

“Is this AC/DC?” She asked. He grinned and nodded.

“The first song I ever thought of when I saw you,” he whispered.

“Funny, it didn’t sound like Highway to Hell,” she retorted. Tony stifled a laugh and whispered the title in her ear, and she rolled her eyes and swatted him gently with her bouquet, eliciting laughter from their guests. He kissed her cheek again and laced his fingers in her free hand.

“You sure about this, Tony?” Sally winked.

“Never more certain,” he smiled. “Crown’s a nice touch. Wearing it to bed tonight too, then?”

“This is supposed to be a somber ceremony, Tony Stark,” Sally hissed with a grin.

“By all means then, let’s let Cap take it away,” Tony winked and turned, holding Sally’s hand, to face Steve. Steve smiled and looked down at his hands and back up to the couple.

“Friends, we have gathered here today to bring to bear the completion of a circle,” Steve began. “A circle is a curious thing. It starts out simply as a line, but as you bring the ends to one another, it forms a complete new shape, one without beginning, and one without end. And so it is the way when we meet our soulmates. The circle is complete, and we forget where we end and our partner begins. Tony has waited long for this day. And Sally has too, although she had the dubious distinction of knowing exactly to whom her bond was formed. Nevertheless, she chose to say those fateful words.” Tony chuckled and Sally blushed, and a few good-natured laughs rang out from those guests who knew about her original soulmark. “I don’t have much to offer in the way of advice, my friends. I’m a bachelor in his nineties, so the argument could be made that I don’t know a lot about successful relationships.” There was more laughter. “But I can say this. Talk to each other as often as you kiss. Kiss one another as often as you breathe. And breathe as though each breath you take will help you remind each other of the love and regard you have. And you’ll never go wrong. I understand you’ve written your own vows?”

Sally and Tony both nodded. “Tony, please swear your oath to your bride,” Steve directed.

“I, Anthony Edward Stark, love you, Sara Jane Manners. I promise to continue to love you forever. I will probably screw that up somehow, but this is my promise. I will never cease to love you. Your presence makes me better. Your smile makes me stronger. Your regard makes me the man you think I am capable of being. I could easily promise to love, honour and respect you until death parts us, there is no hardship in those words. Instead, I promise to cherish the way you always have dirty fingernails, and never try to change that. I promise to talk when I’m feeling peevish, and accept the blame when I’m an idiot. And I promise to hold you dearer than any work I may be doing because from now on, my work will be second to ensuring you stay happy. If I could promise you the world, Sally, I would give it to you in a heartbeat. Instead I promise my world as yours,” Tony spoke, his voice clear, and his words slower than usual. Sally’s eyes filled with tears again and she blinked without thinking, feeling a tear splash against her cheek.

“And do you, Tony, take Sally to be your wife?” Steve asked.

“Yes.” Tony didn’t look away from Sally as he answered.

“Sally, please swear your oath to your groom.” Steve gestured to Tony. Sally looked back at Natasha for her notes, and flushed at the soft laughter that filled the room as the small notebook was handed to her.

“I, Sara Jane Manners, love you Anthony Edward Stark. I am not good with words like you are, and I had to write them down. But they mean no less for having been written. I love the honesty of your emotions. I love the strength of your principles. I love the size of your enormous brain. I love the integrity you display, even when you are mastering the art of chaos. But most of all, I love your vulnerability. I never wanted you, Tony, and that is reflected in your tender heart. But had I never spoken to you, I would have missed out on the greatest gift the fates have offered any person since time began because I would have missed your heart being handed to me. I was a fool, and you found me anyhow. I was cold, and you’ve warmed my heart. I was fearful, but you’ve given me courage. I do promise to love you, to cherish you, to honour you. And I will give thanks for you.” Sally was surprised how much she remembered of the words she’d written.

“And for your part, do you, Sally, take Tony to be your husband?”

“Yes.” She squeezed Tony’s hand as she said it. Tony let out a breath that Sally didn’t realize he’d been holding and gave her a lopsided smile. “Did you think I was going to say no?”

“I had my concerns,” he admitted. Steve cleared his throat, bringing them back to the ceremony.

“We’re not finished yet, kids,” he winked. “Rings?” Pepper stepped forward and handed Tony a simple, unadorned band. Tony took Sally’s hand and looked at Steve for direction.

“The wedding band is a tangible reminder of this day, and the symbolism of it has been manipulated over generations. But at the very essence of it, we return to the unending circle I spoke of earlier. Sally and Tony’s circle is completed. Let these wedding bands remind them of not only the bond they share as soulmates, but the covenant they have made in front of each of you as witnesses this day,” Steve said. “Tony, you may place the ring on Sally’s finger.”

Tony slid the ring up Sally’s hand and paused before he looked up and met her eyes. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Natasha stepped forward and passed Sally the ring she’d chosen for Tony. She slid it on to his hand and took a deep breath. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

“Let’s make sure I get this part right,” Steve smiled and looked down at his notes. “And now, forasmuch as you, Tony, and you, Sally, have consented to legal wedlock, and have declared your solemn intention in this company, before these witnesses, and in my presence, and have exchanged these as the pledge of your vows to each other; now upon the authority vested in me by the state of New York, I pronounce you as duly married. May you enjoy length of days, fulfillment of hopes, and peace and contentment of mind, as you day by day live and fulfill the terms of this covenant you have made with one another.”

Sally looked down at their clasped hands and felt her eyes fill with tears, and looked back up at Tony. “Is this the part where we kiss?” She asked Steve.

“This is the part where you kiss,” Steve confirmed. Tony leaned forward and brushed his lips against Sally’s chastely.

“Mrs. Stark, I presume?” He smiled as he pulled away.

“I kind of like the sound of Mr. Manners,” she winked. Tony leaned forward and kissed her again before linking hands with her and heading down the aisle to an instrumental version of Black Sabbath’s Iron Man. Sally shook her head and laughed.

The reception was stunning, all twinkle lights and subtle jazz and happy faces. Sally mingled through the crowd, allowing Tony to introduce her to the people that he felt mattered. She caught up to Pepper at one point and leaned close.

“Who are all these people?” She asked. “I don’t even think Tony knows half of them.”

Pepper laughed. “He does, but he won’t remember their names. I warned you this would be the social event of the year.”

“I think I would have preferred a small thing with just the gang,” Sally admitted. “This is a little overwhelming.”

“Then it’s the perfect time for me to steal you away to give you your wedding gift,” Tony interrupted, slipping his arm around her waist and leading her to the elevator. The doors closed on the part, sealing them in silence as the elevator moved back to their suite. Tony led her into the living room, and gestured for her to sit on the couch. He handed a file folder to her and then sat beside her.

“What is this?” Sally asked, flipping the folder open.

“It’s a stack of deeds. I didn’t want to presume a location, and like I said, I can work from anywhere. You just need to pick one of them. Or all of them, it doesn’t matter. But once you’ve decided, then there’s this,” he said, and handed you a StarkPad. Sally flipped through the app. It was design specs and plans for a free-standing garage of her own.

“Is this -” Sally looked up, trailing off. “My own place?”

“Pep said you work out of the garage at your house, and while that’s handy, I just thought maybe you’d like to have an actual shop. I know you teased Barton about taking him as an apprentice, but you’re so incredibly talented, young mechanics would line up to work under you. And if you have apprentices, you need a shop. Please tell me I didn’t miss the mark,” Tony blurted. Sally shook her head.

“This is,” Sally paused, flipping through the deeds again. “Tony, this is the most thoughtful gift you could have come up with. Holy shit. I’ve been looking at this property for years.” She held up the deed to an autobody shop she’d been coveting in California for almost as long as she’d lived there.

“Consider it yours. I like the west coast. It’s time to head back, I think.” He smiled.

“Can I give you your present now?” Sally asked.

“You don’t need to give me anything, princess,” Tony shook his head.

“I’m glad you feel that way because your gift is a bit of the shambles,” she laughed, pushing up from the couch and dragging him back to the elevator. She led him out into the garage to the far corner, and pulled a soft canvas tarp off the car hidden back there. “This is a -”

“Chevrolet Chevelle Super Sport,” Tony interrupted, stepping forward to run his hand across the hood.

“I like the ‘69 better, but I thought the symbolism of the ‘71 made it more special,” Sally explained. “It needs a total restoration. That’s the present. The plan is on my StarkPad over on the bench, if you want to see it.”

Tony stepped around the car and flicked through Sally’s design plan, a smile spreading across his face. “This is incredible, Sally.”

“I thought you deserved an American heritage car, and noticed there wasn’t one in the garage yet,” she offered. He put the tablet down on the hood of the car and pulled her into his arms.

“If I ever wake up in the morning without wondering how I deserved you, kick me,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to her neck. Sally wrapped her arms around his neck and tipped her head to find his face.

“Do we have to go back to the reception?” She asked.

“We do not,” he smiled. She smiled.

“Well then, Mr. Stark, I believe you made me a promise some time ago about screaming your name?” Sally winked.

“I bet you say that to all the boys,” he laughed, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her back to the elevator.

#avengers fanfic #tony stark x ofc

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mysticsparklewings · 4 years

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Daises on Strawberry Hill‪

Well, this looks a bit different from my usual content, doesn't it? Full disclosure that this art was made primarily as art inspired by one of my favorite books of all time (seriously, I have three different editions of this thing)--Looking for Alaska by John Green--as an excuse to talk about the new Hulu series of the same name that's based on the book. Because if you know me at all, you know I am notoriously hard on book-to-screen adaptions, particularly those based on books I love as if they were family members. And originally, this description was going to include a pretty blow-by-blow, lengthy review of my thoughts on the series. However, it's been quite a while since I first started trying to type out said review, and frankly, I've decided instead to, after I talk about the art, to just give some general, spoiler-free thoughts; the most important opinions I have on the series and leave it at that. I am still planning on completing and putting my full-length, in-depth thoughts out, but that'll be at some other time. Perhaps I'll put them in a journal/blog post instead of adding to the description here. Whatever happens, I'll update this description so that those who are interested in my deep-dive can find it when the time comes. That said, let's talk about the artwork now :) LfA isn't a fantasy or sci-fi book, so it doesn't have any cool dramatic scenes or neato devices/objects that have a lot of significance to the plot that would be fun to draw, which is why I never made any fan art or inspired-by-art for it before. But I really wanted an excuse to talk about the series, and so I pondered what symbols or imagery the series might have that I could make into art, even if none of it was terribly relevant to the plot or exciting on its own. This led me to the cheap wine that's mentioned a few times throughout the book: Strawberry Hill. Drawing just a bottle of wine seemed kind of boring and not very specific to the book/series, so I ended up adding in some white daisies since white flowers and daises specifically do have some significance to the plot. (In a way, they're a bit of a crux to it, at least for a key epiphany moment.) Originally, I was going to make this piece traditionally, and I did start with a traditional sketch of the wine bottle and one daisy to use as a template for more to follow. However, I pretty quickly got the idea for doing something more line-art heavy on a black background, as the cover for the book is black and the sort of chalkboard/blacklight look I was picturing in my head seemed fitting for the tone of the story, and despite my best efforts I couldn't think of a way/combination of media to accomplish what I wanted traditionally without also giving myself a major headache and making the project take infinitely longer than I wanted it to. So while I stalled in production, I ended up on my tablet for something else and figure I'd scan in my sketches and maybe make a line art to print off and manipulate into what I wanted traditionally later. But then, just as I started working on that, I figured, "You know what, if I'm going to go through all of the trouble to ink/line this digitally and I wanted it to be more line-focused anyway, I might as well take a crack at just doing the full artwork digitally. I'll get the lines done either way, and if it doesn't work out then at least I can say I tried, I know some of what not to do, and I end up with a digital mock-up for the final version." Fortunately, things ended up working out much better than I expected. I purposefully wasn't too fussy about the lines, partly because I just didn't have the patience at the time to be super precise about it, and also because for this specific project I kind of liked the idea of a more doodle-ish look (even though it's not super doodle-y in the final product). This also made things move a lot faster, which was nice and pretty satisfying. I started with the wine bottle from my sketch, including trying a new liquid drawing technique I half picked up from an art Youtuber I just recently started following that makes drawing liquid in a style similar to this look like a lot of fun. I knew I wanted the bottle to be mostly transparent/just lines, so the goal here was more about getting the wine bottle shape/structure familiar enough than it was about anything else. The label took a bit more though since in my mind, ever since I read the book, I had a pretty specific image of a pinkish bottle with a yellowish liquid and this cream-colored label with dark brown/sepia text, and I had not previously considered the label into that whole primarily line-focused image in my mind. So in the end, I decided the label would be solid so I could get the proper imagery across and the text and stuff could still be seen properly. Additionally, you'll notice I couldn't help myself being a little on-the-nose and sticking a tiny strawberry and mountain/hill on the label for good measure and to fill some space without having to look up wine bottle references just to stare at the labels for a ridiculous amount of time. The daises were also infinitely easier to do digitally since I could just copy, paste, and rotate first the petals to make one flower, and then copy, paste, rotate that one flower a few more times, instead of having to draw individual petals and flowers every time. This also gave me a little more freedom in that I could re-size the flowers pretty easily to make it more visually interesting than just a bunch of flowers that were all the same size. All that ended up being less line-focused than I originally intended, but I acknowledged that happening as I worked, and I'm not upset about the shift in focus. I think what I ended up with still has about the same visual impact I was hoping for, and that's all I really wanted anyway. And as sort of the icing on the cake, I ended up adding in that wisp/smoke trail in the background because of 1. It seemed kind of empty and unfinished with just the flowers and wine bottle and 2. When I tried adding a green vine to fix that issue, it just wasn't working for me. That's when I realized I could have a stronger reference to the book by putting something similar to smoke in the background since the original cover of the book has a smoke plume front-and-center. It took a few tries and some tweaking to get something I was happy with on that front, but I am so glad I stuck with the idea. It just adds something I can't quite place that the piece really needed before. The content is pretty different for me--I don't drink and I don't really endorse the idea--and the style is a little beyond my usual realms, but I do really like how it turned out. I feel like it's done well enough that you can appreciate the symbols and references if you know the book, but it also works as just a kitsch art piece if you're completely unfamiliar with the source material too. I don't think it's super accurate to when a bottle of the stuff shows up in the Hulu series, but it was on screen so briefly and my mind was focusing on other aspects while I was watching, so I didn't get a super good look at it. But I still think it'll suffice well enough despite that. I'm happy with how it turned out, and that's all that really matters, right? Now, then, as for the thoughts I have on the Hulu series that I think need to be shared sooner rather than later. I'll start by going on record to say, as someone that is notoriously hard on book-to-screen adaptions, that I did actually like the LfA series pretty good. I'd say it's about a 7 out of 10, which an exceptionally good score coming from me. It's not my most favorite show of all time, but it's notably better than "just okay," which is historically the highest praise I've ever been able to give a book-to-screen adaption. It had its faults and things I would've done differently if it were up to me, but fortunately, it did an infinitely better job than I was expecting. My main issues, as with all book-to-screen adaptions, come in the form of some of the changes that were made between the book and the screen. Fortunately, this time around the problems I do have are not egregious offenders. Most changes that were made still make sense within the story and while the overall message isn't quite the same as the book, it didn't totally squander what the book was trying to say. All of which are problems that most book-to-screen adaptions suffer from horribly. And while I won't talk too much at length about this (that's for the long-form review later ) I think this has a lot to do with the series being roughly 7-8 hours of content, as opposed to the either extremely rushed 2-hours-or-less a movie would've been, or the more-time-than-we-know-what-to-do-with 13+ hours of...certain book-to-screen adaptions that failed miserably at their job. (*cough* 13 Reasons Why *cough*) As I said, it's not perfect, but I do think as far as allotted time and time-management that they hit something of a sweet spot so that they'd have enough time to give the plot the room it needs to breathe without having so much time that they have to start making stuff up to fill it all. The other thing I'd like to point out is that, honestly, they did what 13 Reasons Why wanted to do way better than that series could ever hope to. They told the story of teenagers experiencing darker themes and elements of life so much more tactfully, and, in my opinion, more realistically. And they didn't wait for a controversy to spike and then do something about it--they didn't bank on the publicity of a controversy. Right from episode one, every episode starts with a warning that this series is meant for an adult audience (because of its themes) and viewer discretion is advised. And at the end of every episode, as the series does featuring smoking and drinking on more than one occasion, they provide resources to visit if you or someone you know has a problem with either of those things. I don't know if the people at Hulu saw what happened to Netflix with 13 RW and learned from their mistakes or if they just knew better, but either way, I'm so glad it was handled so much better, regardless of why or how it happened. As far as recommendations, if you're a John Green and/or Looking for Alaska book fan, I'd say it's definitely worth the watch. For outside viewers...I think you have to really be into the YA drama scene to appreciate it. Just be prepared for some more adult content than you might typically find in a YA movie. It's all done pretty tastefully and the majority isn't there senselessly; most of it serves some kind of purpose to the story, which is why it doesn't bother me (a very prude-ish person) all that much. I think that's everything I feel like needs to be said right now about the series until I can get the long-form review finished. (It's maybe 1/3 of the way done currently...and already getting on the long side ) I have to admit, this does make me more hopeful for the future of book-to-screen adaptions, at least those that end up being handled the way this one was. In fact, I'm actually really hoping that if Turtles All the Way Down, John Green's newest book, ever sees a screen adaption that it's handled in a series form and is done at least as well as LfA was. Time will tell, I suppose. In fact, I believe any day now, Let it Snow, a book that John Green wrote 1/3 of is supposed to have its movie adaption dropped on Netflix. I'm not super confident in Netflix's handling of adaptions for reasons mentioned earlier, but maybe just maybe it'll be okay? ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings I do not own Looking for Alaska and/or associated content ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#lookingforalaska #johngreen #hulu #hulu series #lfa #lfa hulu #book #book adaptation #fan art #art #digital art #photoshop #photoshopcc

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nesquikie · 7 years

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FRANK OCEAN PLOTS.

A LIST OF PLOTS INSPIRED BY LYRICS FROM BLONDE. ENJOY!

TRACK ONE - NIKES “I may be younger, but I’ll look after you. We’re not in love, but I’ll make love to you... I’m not him, but I’ll mean something to you.” Muse A and Muse B are best friends and have been for years. Muse A is hopelessly in love with Muse B, but Muse B is in love with their ex. It’s been a while since their separation but Muse A can still see it in their eyes. Muse A doesn’t care at this point because they’ll take any opportunity to be with Muse B. Muse B is just rebounding real hard on Muse A, but at the end of the day, Muse A is Muse B’s best friend and they still mean a lot to each other despite this situation. JUST IMAGINE A LOT OF ANGST, YALL.

TRACK TWO - IVY “I thought that I was dreaming with you said you loved me. It started from nothing. I had no chance to prepare. I couldn’t see you coming.” Muse A and Muse B have known each other forever. They’ve had their ups and downs throughout their friendship, but at the end of the day, they always had each other. They know each other inside and out like no other. One day, after talking about (insert detail here) they realize there’s something more between them than this friendship. Maybe they knew it all along.

TRACK THREE - PINK + WHITE “Just the same way you showed me, showed me. You showed me love, glory from above, regard my dear, it’s all downhill from here.” Muse A is Muse B’s first love! You’d think everything would be all hunky-dory, but nah. When is it ever? Muse B hasn’t got a clue and Muse A admires Muse B way too much - to the point where they’re intimated by Muse B’s presence - to ever say a word. Aside from Muse A’s fixation with Muse B, Muse A looks up to Muse B as a role model. Muse B is perfect in Muse A’s eyes and takes a lot from their life into their own. Muse A learns a lot from Muse B about life and whatnot. Muse B shares and shows Muse A a lot of new things, share new experiences together. But Muse A’s feelings for Muse B gets in the way sometimes (i.e. jealousy).

TRACK FOUR - BE YOURSELF “Listen, stop trying to be somebody else. Don’t try to be someone else. Be yourself and know that that’s good enough.” Muse A is going through an identity crisis of some sort. Muse B is Muse A’s best friend and they’re noticing the changes, that Muse A isn’t being themselves anymore. There’s a distance growing between them, Muse A is getting themselves into situations or doing things they never had before, and Muse B reacts to this in whatever way you decide Muse B would.

TRACK FIVE - SOLO “Forgot to tell you, gotta tell you how much I vibe with you and we don’t gotta be solo.” Muse A and Muse B just met but they completely hit it off. Whether or not this leads off romantically or just in a best friend, platonic friendship or whatever is up to you. Just two people who vibe. Partners in crime. Leggo.

TRACK SIX - SKYLINE TO “Sun rising, sand, comes a morning, haunting us with the beams.” Summer fun! Muse A and Muse B camp out - in a tent or in one of their cars, whatever - at the beach after a fun day in the sun and water. Good stuff. Fun times.

TRACK SEVEN - SELF CONTROL “That’s like never cause I made you use your self control and you made me lose my self control.” Muse A and Muse B used to be in a long-term relationship together but it crashed and burned. They used to be really close but everything fell apart. They had an ugly breakup. Now it’s much later, the both of them have moved on with their lives, but an event brings them together again. Old feelings stir up. What happens next?

TRACK EIGHT - GOOD GUY “I know you don’t need me right now and to you it’s just a late night out.” Muse A is more or less used by Muse B. How Muse A is being used by Muse B is up for interpretation. Muse A knows it, Muse B knows it, but they go along with it anyways. It’s an unhealthy cycle but neither of them know how to put an end to it.

TRACK NINE - NIGHTS “You are from my past life. Hope you’re doing well, bruh.” Muse A and Muse B used to be friends. Nothing ever happened in particular to make them stop being friends - they just grew apart. It happens. The two run into each other again though and shit is awkward, as if they’re strangers again. As if nothing ever happened between them. Is it time to restart or fake smile a small conversation away until they figure out an escape plan?

TRACK TEN - SOLO (REPRISE) “Solo that I am no rookie but I feel like a kid looking at the other kids with astonishment while I’m on punishment, watching the summer come close to an end.” Muse A has come to a wall in their career. They’re starting to feel discouraged and a little hopeless. They’ve lost their spark; their motivation. Watching others, those younger than Muse A, succeeding far past them even at the age their at now has put a damper on their mood. Muse A is constantly asking themselves “what’s the point?” Muse B wants to help Muse A back on their feet and realize this isn’t the end of the world.

TRACK ELEVEN - PRETTY SWEET “Now to the edge I’ll race, to the end I’ll make it, all the risk, I’ll take it.” Muse A and Muse B are best friends - polar opposites who are brought together through their differences. Muse A is kind of a nutjob. Muse A likes living life on the edge a bit and finds enjoyment in taking all sorts of risks. The life of the party, if you will. Muse B is pretty meek and quiet, mostly staying to themselves, but goes along with Muse A’s shenanigans anyway. Muse A gets them into all sorts of shit all the time. Muse B freaks out about it every time.

TRACK TWELVE - FACEBOOK STORY “Pure jealousy for nothing.” Just a jealousy plot. Lots of flexibility with this plot too...mostly because I’m a little stumped on this one, so bear with me. Whatever you wanna do with jealousy being the theme.

TRACK THIRTEEN - CLOSE TO YOU “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t devastated. But you could have held my hand through this, baby.” Muse A *just* broke up with Muse B. Muse A broke up with Muse B coldly, just abandoning Muse B without much of a word. Muse B had seen it coming for a while, though. Muse B is heartbroken, of course, but just wishes things could’ve went differently.

TRACK FOURTEEN - WHITE FERRARI “I care for you still and I will forever.” Muse A and Muse B used to be close but a huge fight left tension between the two. Muse A knows how to hold a grudge and is too prideful to even apologize to Muse B. Muse B knows how to put their pride aside, but is too scared to say anything to Muse A. They still care for each other, only Muse A is shoving that feeling aside, pretending they don’t care about Muse B, while Muse B tears themselves apart every day wondering if Muse A is okay.

TRACK FIFTEEN - SEIGFRIED “I’d do anything for you (in the dark).” Muse A and Muse B love each other. Muse A wants to be open about this, tell the world, scream it from a rooftop, but Muse B has commitment issues. Muse B doesn’t want any label, doesn’t want anyone to know. Knowing Muse B would rather hide everything than to commit hurts Muse A. Regardless, Muse A goes along with it but thinking about how Muse B is able to hide Muse A makes Muse A wonder what Muse B is keeping from them.

TRACK SIXTEEN - GODSPEED “There will be mountains you won’t move.” Muse A is an optimistic idealist. Muse B is a pessimistic realist. Muse A is very much on the “You can do anything if you believe!” mindset while Muse B finds that absolutely ridiculous. Then reality hits Muse A.

TRACK SEVENTEEN - FUTURA FREE “What’s your name? What’s do you do? What’s your first memory?” Muse A and Muse B just met, but skip the small talk. Muse A immediately starts to pry - or at least Muse B feels like they are - by asking incredibly deep and personal questions even though they’ve known each other for about three minutes now. Is Muse B freaked out, or do they enjoy it?

( remember that literally all these can be tweaked to your liking. every single one is up for your own interpretation. they’re all pretty loose anyway. none are set in stone. you don’t have to do exactly what every of them state. all of these are just for inspiration to get some creative juice flowing. also a lot are pretty similar since blonde has a lot of reoccurring themes.)

#rp prompts #rp plots #rp meme #rp starters #rp help #ask prompt #prompts #starters #roleplay #roleplay help #frank ocean #blonde #starter prompt

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drink-n-watch · 4 years

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Genre : Action, comedy, supernatural, urban fantasy, science fiction.

Episodes: 13

Studio: Bones

You know what’s tricky? Navigating that confusing time between childhood and adulthood. Especially if you grew up as a bit of a loner. Feeling outcast and different all the time. And that type of isolation can cut deep. Loneliness can get to you and turn you into someone you don’t want to be. Luckily for Mob, he’s always had a loving family by his side. And master Reigen has always supported him best he can. And now, without even realizing it, Mob is surrounded by friends. But what would have happened if he wasn’t? What would a powerful psychic like that turn out to be without others to keep him grounded?

The first season of Mob Psycho came as a long-delayed delightful surprise to me. I had been putting off the series for reasons that are obscure even to me, and when I finally got around to watching the first season a month or so ago, I wanted to kick myself for waiting so long. Mob Psycho made me happy. Eager to learn from my mistakes I watched a few palette cleanser shows and dove right into the second season. Let’s see if I’m kicking myself again.

is the suspense killing you?

Production-wise, there isn’t much change between the two seasons. Mostly because it was a really solid production, to begin with. I was slightly more taken with Itou, Setsuo voice acting this season but only because a few scenes allowed him to tap into this calm and melancholy tone that he does very well. Mob Psycho has always been a visually distinctive show and the aesthetic is once again rigidly upheld. If you didn’t like the look of the show before, you still won’t. If like me you really liked it, well you can figure out the rest.

All of this said there were two notable improvements in my opinion. One is expanded colour palettes. There are dusk and early morning scenes that bathe everything onscreen in a wash of colours. Environments get plunged in sudden ominous darkness as superpowered character shine. It really gave a lot of dimension to the series and made Mob Psycho 100 II look lush compared to its predecessor.

The second visible improvement was the animation. Not that it was bad in season 1, to the contrary , but there is a whole lot more this time around and it’s awesome. The action is exaggerated and quick-paced with insane ragdoll physics and skewed perspectives that are frankly just plain fun to watch. I found myself completely engrossed in fight scenes no matter how obviously unrealistic they were, unable to turn away and biting at my thumbnail.

I’m telling you, it looks great!

Sadly I have a feeling that if you don’t like the art style, no matter how much praise I heap on the animation, it won’t sway you. So let’s talk story!

I recently wrote a post on 100 Word Anime discussing the pitfalls of comparing one anime to another so let me do it again right now… Mob Psycho season 2 reminded me of Natsume’s Book of Friends.

Some of you may know that I compared Mob Psycho 100 to Neon Genesis Evangelion. The first season did in fact bring that show to mind for me. This second season, however, has matured and tweaked its themes and no longer brought to mind the classic series for me. Now you may think I’m just using another excuse to mention Natsume yet again, I don’t blame you. I do that. But there is a reason. When I say Mob Psycho II reminds me of Natsume I mean specifically season 3.

The second season of Mob Psycho is a wild ride. The action is geared way up and the stakes have been raised considerably. Yet for all the heart-pounding adventures what I took away from the season was just how much Mob and the show itself had grown. I actually wrote it in my notes after the first episode and couldn’t help but grin like a Cheshire when the characters on screen started to echo that exact thought throughout the season. It’s great when you can feel like part of the team.

well…most of the time

The second thing I wrote is just how beautiful Mob’s personal evolution was. The young boy isolated and bound by anxiety and fear had come out of his shell. Without even realizing it, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by friends and for the first time even something akin to peers. And because he finally has that support system available to him, he can finally find the strength to confront his own power. He actually starts using it to help others in mundane situations instead of only having it as a last resort. His emotional gauge actually gets filled by positive feelings just as often as negative ones if not more so. He no longer sees himself merely as a burden to others and therefore he no longer is.

I wrote all these notes down happily then went over them. When that early feeling of deja vu hit me. As I leafed through my past notebooks I realized that I had written almost word for word the exact same thing for the third season of Natsume. Clearly, I need to get a bit more varied in my note-taking but it also shows that I know what I like. And make no mistake I loved this second season of Mob Psycho.

Reigen is my favourite character in the series. I generally love tricksters but beyond that, I think that one of the main reasons Mob didn’t fall apart in his younger years was because he always had Reigen by his side. I doubt I’m the only one with a soft spot for the 2-part midseason mini-arc that developed Reigen and Mob’s relationship specifically.

these are some great episodes

I always thought that Reigen genuinely cares about the boy beyond what use he could make of him. Fact is, Reigen is scripted to ooze shifty sleeve but when push comes to shove he’s actually an extremely capable guy. Ok, not as a psychic obviously but as a con artist, definitely. More often than not his advice is pretty good, he has impressive observations skills and is a wonderful huge of character and he is protective and caring of Mob. He trusts and believes in the boy even when the boy does not believe in himself.

But it’s the flashback that got to me. The fact that Reigen had grown bored with his psychic gig and was considering moving on. With his social skills, he could easily have found some other way to make a decent living. But a young boy clearly in need of someone walks into his office and he just couldn’t turn him away. Sure, if he could make a buck in the process, all the better, but that wasn’t the main motivation. And he’s still like that. When someone is truly in need of help, he doesn’t turn them away, ever.

Combine this with a Mob that has become self-assured enough to think for himself and even say no! A young man that has gained the maturity to accept his mentor’s limits and failings and still appreciate him. And you have a tremendous character arc in two short episodes. Not only did they develop both characters without resorting to exposition dumps but they also did so without sanitizing or retconing either. I said this a lot in the first season review, but Mob Psycho is a smart show. And it continues to be so.

Mob’s been through a lot this season

This season also brought some conflict that was way more nuanced. In the last episodes, we even see Mob gleefully revel in his powers and the destruction they wrought. He immediately stops himself and is filled with guilt but there’s something else going on. There’s a great attention given to Mob’s expressions. By default, he’s a bit of a blank canvass, largely expressionless. This season, as he’s opening up more his feelings are starting to show on his face. Small shy smiles, tiny barely there scowls… But when he goes to 100% then it’s the complete opposite. He is deliberately drawn to be terrifying, almost demonic. Dishevelled unnatural hair, impossibly intense eyes, an uncontrollable aura escaping from him. But in that one moment, that minute that he let himself enjoy his power, he looked….great. I mean he looked like a healthy happy young man. The spiked hair flowing lazily about him like a pretty anime boy, no visible aura at all, a relaxed smile reaching all the way to joyful eyes.

In another anime, I would have called this an odd design choice but not in Mob Psycho. For two seasons this show has been very precise with its imagery and particularly with Mob’ expressions. This was thought out and selected for a reason. The visual language of the anime is telling a completely different story from the script. It’s subtly showing us a boy that has been at war with his own nature for his whole life and the one moment of release came as a huge relief. A boy that could still go down a dark path. This is a moral ambiguity the first season stayed very far away from and a noted shift in narrative vision. One I am excited for.

I feel you Ritsu, it was quite a moment

I want to see more of Mob Psycho 100 and I hope I can do so soon!

Favourite character: still Reigen

What this anime taught me: Sequels are fantastic

Come, we’ll get drunk, quote movies and talk about how awesome we are

Suggested drink: Brown Sugar Manhattan

Every time Mob’s in street clothes – take a sip

Every time the show turns into a video game – take a sip

Every time we see a tomato – get a snack

Every time we see the super awesome Body Improvement club – Cheers!

Every time anyone is pantless – gasp

Every time Reigen seem kind of cool – put the drink down

Every time Mob gets a call – take a sip

Every time we see Mezato-san – take a sip

Every time other psychics are watching tv – take a sip

Every time Ritsu doesn’t get along with Reigen – take a sip

Every time you’re surprised by how touching this show is – check if season 3 has been announced

I love Bones’ visuals. They really speak to me. So once again I uploaded a whole bunch of screencaps to Pinterest and Imgur.

Mob Psycho 100 s2 – Growing Up Genre : Action, comedy, supernatural, urban fantasy, science fiction. Episodes: 13 Studio: Bones You know what's tricky?

#action #anime #blonde bishie #comedy #Mob Psycho #sci fi #shonen #super powers

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thesilverbandposts-blog · 7 years

Text

SIMPLE WAY TO BUILD YOUR WEBSITE

You will learn to:

Choose a Platform

Choose a Domain Name

Set-up and Design your Website

STEP #1: Choose Your Website Platform

This is the first step of creating your own website.

At the end of this guide, you should have fully working website that should take no more than 1 -2 hours.

This guide is perfect for people who’re interested in creating a…

Business website

Personal website

Online Store

Blog

BUT, before you start worrying about color schemes, domain name and web hosting, you’ve got to decide what platform you’re going to build your website with.

What do I mean by “platform”?

Well, back in the early 2000’s most sites were built using HTML (code). This took a lot of time to learn and was tricky to master.

That’s why most people still think creating a website from scratch is difficult or requires a lot of coding and design skills — but that’s no longer true!

In 2016, content management systems (CMS) have made creating a website accessible to everyone.

To put simply, a content management system (or website building platform) is a user-friendly platform for building websites and managing your own online content, instead of using a bunch of loose HTML pages.

We Suggest the Following:

HostGator.com

Why WordPress and not website builders?

Because at this point there are no better/easier ways to build a website… But more importantly:

#1. It’s totally FREE, with many layouts/themes to choose from.

WordPress doesn’t cost a dime to download or install, and there’s a huge community who have designed beautiful themes and templates, making it easy to get going fast. You’ll never run out of uniqueness…

#2. It’s VERY beginner-friendly.

If you know how to use Microsoft Word, you already know how add your own content. WordPress can be expanded with free plugins to handle just about any site you can imagine — from gorgeous business pages to social networking sites. With “plugins” you’ll be able to add contact forms, subscription forms, image galleries and so on for your website — pretty simple, huh?

#3. Small or large site? Great for both.

From basic blogs to beautiful business sites and online stores, WordPress can handle just about any kind of website. WordPress is used by eBay, Mozilla, Reuters, CNN, Google Ventures and even NASA.

#4. Your site will be ‘responsive’. Meaning it’ll work on mobiles & tablets, too.

The website you build will instantly be responsive, looking great on every mobile device, smartphone and tablet. No need to hire a web developer for that.

#5. HUGE support and developer community available to help.

With so many people using the platform (Webmasters, Bloggers, Theme developers and Plugin creators), it’s easy to find QUICK help when you need it. In addition, WordPress has lots of free resources both available on Youtube and their support forum.

For beginners, I suggest sticking to WordPress.

It’s the easiest platform I’ve ever worked with, but it’s flexible enough to suit everyone from small business owners, and freelancers to creative artists and bloggers.

I would look no further than WordPress.

In Step 2, I’ll walk you through the process of choosing a domain name and finding a space to host your site.

In Step 3, I’ll show you how to install and customize your WordPress website. Don’t worry — I’ll walk you through the process, with lots of images as a reference.

If you have any questions/suggestions for this guide don’t hesitate to contact me. Remember: I’m here to help!

P.S. Don’t download/install WordPress yet, you’ll need to do it in Step #3.

STEP #2: Find a Domain Name and Host

To get a new website online, you’re going to need two things:

A domain name (a web address like yoursitename.com)

Hosting (a service that connects your site to the internet)

The WordPress platform itself is FREE, but a domain name and hosting will cost you around $3 — $5 a month. However it costs less than a coffee, so it won’t break the bank.

Owning your own domain name looks far more professional than having your site on someone else’s domain (like yourbusiness.my-free-website.com), and it’s super affordable, too.

Plus, having your own hosting will also make sure your website loads quickly and won’t go down for hours at a time (pretty important for everyone who visits your pages.)

Where do I get a domain name and hosting?

I’ve mostly used www.Bluehost.com as a web hosting and domain registration for myself and for my web development projects.

Disclosure: Because I’ve used Bluehost and found their hosting great, all links to Bluehost are referral links. I’ll earn a commission if you make a purchase and you’ll get a discounted price. This is how I keep WebsiteSetup.org up and running.

Their basic website hosting costs less than a movie ticket ($2.75/mo) and they throw in a FREE domain name (a nice perk to have).

Of course you can try other web hosting providers and even try to host your site by yourself, but it’s a very complicated process and often wouldn’t be capable of serving your website visitors. So save yourself some money and get a proper host that meets WordPress requirements.

When you get a domain name (and hosting), you’ll also get a personal email account(s): [email protected] — way more professional than a generic Gmail or Yahoo address.

Already have a domain name and hosting? Go ahead and skip to step 3, where I’ll explain how you can set up your website.

What kind of domain name should I pick?

As an easy starting point:

If you’re making a website for your business, your domain name should match your company name. For example: YourCompanyName.com

If you’re planning to set up a website for yourself, then YourName.com can be a great option.

For this site (WebsiteSetup), I chose WebsiteSetup.org

Domain names usually end with .com, .org or .net, but in recent months, a huge amount of domain extensions (the end part of the web address, like .com) have come out, ranging from .agency to .pizza.

My best advice? Avoid the weird extensions and go with .com, .net or .org unless they perfectly describe what you have to offer — and even then, see if you can find a more common name.

While .com, .org and .net are commonly used and easily remembered, the domain extension craze hasn’t really gone mainstream yet — so people may not find you if you use a really different domain extension.

Any additional tips for choosing my domain name?

There are a few things that can help you choose your domain name:

#1 Is it brandable? For example, if you make a site about poetry then best-poetry-website.net is not a good choice: poetryacademy.com or poetryfall.com is much better.

#2 Is it memorable? Short, punchy and clear domain names are much easier to remember. If your domain name is too fuzzy, too long or spelled in a strange way, visitors may forget it.

#3 Is it catchy? You want a domain name that rolls off the tongue, describes what you (or your business) does and sticks in the head. Coming up with a cool name can be a bit tough since there are approximately 150 million active domain names in the world right now — but don’t give up.

There’s one rule that always applies to domain names: If you like it, go for it.

THINGS TO DO BEFORE THE NEXT STEP:

Do some brainstorming to come up with a unique domain name that reflects your future website, business or blog.

Secure your FREE domain name and web hosting. For this I recommend Bluehost.com, but you can pick any other web host as long as it’s reliable and simple.

Do some brainstorming to come up with a unique domain name that reflects your future website, business or blog.

Secure your FREE domain name and web hosting. For this I recommend Bluehost.com, but you can pick any other web host as long as it’s reliable and simple.

UPDATE: I made a simple guide for Bluehost users (which hosting package to choose & how to install WordPress).

STEP #3: Let’s Set Up and Tweak Your Website

Once you’ve bought your domain name and set up your hosting, you’re well on your way!

Now it’s time to get your website up and running. The first thing you’ll need to do is install WordPress to your domain.

Installing WordPress

There are two possible ways to install WordPress, one MUCH easier than the other.

1. TO CREATE A WEBSITE WITH WORDPRESS (OR JOOMLA & DRUPAL), USE ONE CLICK INSTALLATION:

Almost every reliable and well-established hosting company has integrated 1-click-installation for WordPress, which makes getting going a snap.

If you signed up with Bluehost or any other similar hosting company, you should find your “1-click-installation” in your account control panel.

Here are the steps you should follow (should be similar/same on all the major web hosting companies):

Go to your control panel.

Look for the “WordPress” or “Website” icon.

Choose the domain where you want to install your website.

Click the “Install Now” button and you will get access to your new WordPress website.

If you’re unable to locate it, look here: How to Install WordPress on Bluehost.

2. … OR MANUAL INSTALL (if needed)

If for some odd reason (some hosting companies don’t provide one-click-install for WordPress) you don’t have the option to install WordPress automatically, look this manual guide below:

Installing WordPress Manually (Click to expand)

Pssst — if they don’t have 1-click-installation, maybe you’re dealing with a bad host!

Choosing a Theme/Template for your site

Once you have successfully installed WordPress to your domain, you’ll see a very basic yet clean site:

But you don’t want to look like everyone else, do you? That’s why you need a theme — a design template that tells WordPress how your website should look. See a sample version below:

Here’s where it gets fun: There are thousands of awesome, professionally designed themes you can choose from and customize for a site that’s all your own.

Here’s how to find a theme you like:1. Log into your WordPress dashboard

If you’re not sure how, type in: http://yoursite.com/wp-admin (replace “yoursite” with your domain).

This is what the WordPress dashboard looks like:

Everything is easily labelled. If you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, don’t sweat it — I’m going to show you where to go next.

2. Access FREE themes

Once you’re in the dashboard, you’ve got access to over 1500 free themes! Just look along the side bar for “Appearance”, then click “Themes”.

I’ve even compiled a list of 15 most popular free WordPress themes.

If you want something more professional or elegant than what you find here, you can head over to ThemeForest.net where there’s a HUGE library of themes to pick from at varying costs.

But before you do that, I really suggest you at least try spending some time browsing the free themes. Many of them are actually really professional and well made; so don’t write them off.

As you can see above, installing a new theme for your website is very easy.

You can search for specific keywords and/or use filters to find themes that suit your style. Finding the perfect theme can take a while, but it’s worth it.

You should also look for themes that are “responsive”, as this means they will look good on any mobile device.

Just punch it in as one of your keywords, and you’ll be all set!

3. Install your new theme

Once you have found a theme you like, installing it is as simple as clicking “Install” followed by “Activate”.

IMPORTANT: Changing themes won’t delete your previous posts, pages and content. You can change themes as often as you want without having to worry about lose what you’ve created.

How do I add content and create new pages?

With your theme installed, you’re ready to start creating content. Let’s quickly run through some of the basics:

Adding and editing pages

Want a “Services” page, or an “About Me” page (like I have on my menu at the top of the site)?

1. Look along the sidebar in the WordPress Dashboard for “Pages” -> “Add New”.

2. Once you’ve clicked, you’ll find a screen that looks a lot like what you’ve maybe seen in Microsoft Word. Add text, images and more to build the page you want, then save it when you’re done.

Adding pages to the menu

If you want your new page to be linked to in your navigation bar,

1. Save any changes you’ve made to the page by clicking “Update”

2. Click “Appearance” -> “Menus” in the sidebar of the WordPress Dashboard

3. Find the page you created and add it to the list by clicking the checkbox next to it and then “Add to Menu”.

Adding and editing posts

If you have a blog on your website, “Posts” will be where you turn to next. You can use different categories to group similar posts.

If you want to add a blog to your website, you can use different categories and posts. Let’s say you want to create a category named “Blog”. To do so, simply add it to your menu and start making posts.

Here’s what you need to do:

a. Create a new category by going to “Posts -> Categories”

b. Create a blog post by going to “Posts -> Add New”. Once you’ve finished writing your blog post, you need to add the right category for it.

Once you’ve created your category, simply add it to the menu, and you’re in business!

Customization & Endless Tweaks…

In this section I’ll cover some of the basic things I’m asked about all the time that will help you to tweak your website.

Changing Your Title and Tagline

Page titles explain to searchers what your website is about, and they’re also a big part of how search engines determine your rankings, so you want to be sure they’ve got the keywords you want to target in them (but in a natural way, written for real people).

You should use a unique title on every page of your site. For example, my site’s title is “How to Make a Website”.

(Can’t find it? Just hold your mouse over the tab at the top of your web browser).

Taglines are added at the end of titles across every page. My site’s tagline is “Step by Step Guide”

In order to change the title and tagline on your website, go to “Settings -> General” and fill in the form below:

Disabling Comments for Posts & Pages

Some websites (business/organisation sites mostly) don’t want their visitors to be able to comment on their pages.

Here’s how to shut comments off on WordPress pages:

1. While you are writing a new page, click “Screen Options” in the top right corner.

2. Click the “Discussion” box. The “Allow Comments” box will appear at the bottom.

3. Untick “Allow Comments”.

Want to disable comments on every new page by default?

1. Go to “Settings -> Discussion” and untick “Allow people to post comments on new articles”

Setting Up a Static Front Page

Some people contact me saying they’re frustrated that their home page looks like a blog post. You can fix that by making your home page “static”.

A static page is a page that doesn’t change. Unlike a blog, where the first new article will show up at the top every time, a “static” page will show the same content every time someone comes to the site — like a home page you’ve designed.

To set up a static front page:

1. Go to “Settings -> Reading”

2. Choose a static page that you have created. “Front Page” denotes your home page, “Posts page” is the front page of your blog (if your entire site isn’t a blog).

If you don’t choose a static page on your own, WordPress will take your latest posts and start showing them on your homepage.

Editing sidebar

Most WordPress themes have a sidebar on the right side (in some cases it’s on the left).

If you want to get rid of the sidebar or edit out items you do not need like “Categories”, “Meta” and “Archives”, which are usually pointless, here’s how:

1. Go to “Appearance -> Widgets” in the WordPress Dashboard.

2. From here, you can use drag and drop to add different “boxes” to your sidebar, or remove the items you don’t want.

There’s also a “HTML box” — a text box where you can use HTML code. For beginners, don’t worry about this bit — just drag and drop the elements you’d like in your sidebar.

Installing Plugins to Get More out of WordPressWhat is a plugin?

“Plugins” are extensions that are built to expand WordPress’ capabilities, adding features and functions to your site that don’t come built-in.

They’re shortcuts to getting your site to do what you want to, without having to build the feature from scratch.

You can use plugins to do everything from adding photo galleries and submission forms to optimizing your website and creating an online store.

How do I install a new Plugin?

To start installing plugins, go to “Plugins -> Add New” and simply start searching.

Keep in mind that there are over 25,000 different FREE plugins, so you’ve got a LOT to choose from!

Installation is easy — once you find a plugin you like, just click “Install”.

BUT — before you go and install every single one, I suggest you read this article: Things you need to know about using WP plugins.

To save you some time, I’ve put together a list of the most popular plugins that webmasters find useful:

#1 Contact form 7: My website has a contact form on my About Me page. It’s an awesome feature to have, as people (like you!) can fill in the form and send me an email without logging into their own email provider. If you want to do something similar, definitely get this plugin. P.S. Here’s a step-by-step guide for setting it up.

#2 Yoast SEO for WordPress: If you want to make your WordPress site even more SEO-friendly, this plugin is a must-have. It’s free, and it’s awesome. You’ll be able to edit your title tags, meta descriptions and more, all from within the page itself — no more fussing with WordPress settings.

#3 Google Analytics: Interested in tracking your visitors/traffic and their behaviour? Just install the plugin, connect it with your Google account and you’re ready to go.

Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg! Here’s a list of recommended plugins by me.

Congratulations — you’re ready to launch!

If you’ve followed the steps in this guide, you should now have a fully-functional WordPress website! That wasn’t so bad, was it?

Last but not least, keep improving your website.

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years

Text

SECTION C.

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short.

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.

a treasure chest of anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy.

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo! You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation.

"These guys are no good.

Nah. Not like how they used to be.

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior.

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad.

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

Dad. We're done here.

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold.

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net

there’s a photo of your neighbor,

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year.

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys.

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Corninthians and just put in random numbers.

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away.

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese

Do it out

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set.

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential.

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl.

Who was just one two many break ups deep.

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny.

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one.

STORY- ME

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE.

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office

Keep talking about going to sweet greens

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness.

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething.

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION.

Repression in females comes from mis placed validation

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS

Jessica simpson?

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane.

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off.

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack.

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah.

Just do it out. Oprah.

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family

Who came before them

As precious moments statues.

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science.

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

*****

SECTION D.

KNOW YOUR READY FOR KIDS

You know your ready for kids because

Before when you didn’t get your period and you weren’t having sex

All you would do is just be like wishing your uterus fondnesses

Thinking that she finally quit,

Because you can’t blame her all you see around you is nonsense

Hopefully she is living out her dreams in tiajuanna on a donkey

Wearing a sombrero and partying with a small person,

Who she has to set boundaries with because she’d very into

Group sex and that’s not her jam

GROUP SEX

Steph and group sex

Have you ever had a friend who is either being very sexually curious

Or has a really specific thing that they want to try and they’d like

You to come with them so they just start injecting it into conversations?

FIND SOMEONE

You can’t seem to find anyone yet every single member of the Duggar family is married.

That’s a lot of kids and you still can’t get a date to last past month three.

BJs WHOLESALE

FIND U A MAN

There’s a lot of dating advice out there for ladies but the best is-

Find u a man who looks at you

And takes care of you like he does his own penis.

You’ll have

infinite protection

Generous massages

Fresh assortment of culture- movies and photos

Literature in the form of light reading

Long trips

Shelter

If you have sad emotions he’ll do anything to take care of you

And

Poetry.

POETRY

Found a website called Hogtied, part of a collection of websites called kink. All the women were tied up. Hot. They also all had clips on their nipples. Sure. The dudes fucking them had locks on their balls.

I'm young, I just assumed that's how adults fucked. So I found some bigass locks for a locker, locked my balls, and started rubbing. It was uncomfortable, but if that's how adults fuck, then I guess I'd better get used to it.

I'll never forget when I finally came. I felt warm inside, like my soul was being cradled by light, all emanating from my dick.

I'm just glad my roommates didn't happen to come downstairs and see me putting mustard on my dick illuminated by the gentle glow of the open fridge”

PEZ "Sat at the edge of my bed and catapulted starburst off my rock hard dick into the bobbing maw of a lovely lady I had harbored a crush for for many years. We are still in romance."

"I'm a grower not a shower so I like to take my scrotum and encase my penis with it. Then when I get an erection, it's like an emerging butterfly."

DIFFERNCE BETWEEN MALES AND FEMALES.

WHY WE KILL THEM

Let him live.

Riffs on how ladies don’t listen

Like a dog in a cone

We are always trying to do most likely way too much

WHY THEY KILL US

He is constantly on a voyage to my boobie.

If I look inside his head it often times it will be like this:

Entry log number 654. I’m approaching the boob.

How men don’t listen

How they are so sensitive and we are so so mean

My husband is one of the most sensitive people I know

He bruises like a soft Carolina peach

OK he’s only that way with me b/c he loves me and same with me to him.

So why would I put it in that context?

How about

My husband is so sensitive he has a thick cock?

PHD. /// BOB

MEN ARE A LOT MORE SENSITIVE

Men ae more sensitive but if their values don’t align with yours

FORGET IT.

But we are the same we just keep seeking the validation from them that we don’t give ourselves.

MARRIAGE VS DATING

You stick around for varying reasons

You can’t talk shit behind your husbands back

Not only is it rude

It’s ineffective

Gotta do it right to their face but they are so sensitive

So like to give him the same petty sick burns I give to a female

He doesn’t quite get it which is amazing

When he tries to do it back he does it with sports or movies

And I’m like yeah but I still pulled in money

You my friend are giving questionable hand jobs in the back seat of a car

DAVIDS BIRDAL

BEST PART OF BEING SINGLE

Jelly bean jar/ hyptoenuse

You’ll never figure it out because couples lie

S- CAVEAT EMPTOR//Economy Model Husband

Black Lab

Story- TUNA MELT//BRIDGET JONES

Just don’t care

*****

SECTION F

OVERSHARE****

METH NANNY pt2. 20 seconds

My go to overshare detail

Is that I’m a nanny and graduated from college

Some people quickly catipult into concerned pity.

They'll go-

"ohhhhhh nooooo. what happened? {really dramtic sad face}

did you take a slipsy- slidey into the meth-em-phetamines?

it that what you did?

well you have all your teeth, so, it looks like you're on the upside of things"

TRYING 20

I want life advice from a person whose stumbling onto their own personal truth-

The guy in the office who does barely any work,

yet has taken it upon himself to give all the ladies in the office massages-

He's found own glory in caressing Edna's sciatica.

BUSINESS VENTURES.

Sending off used panties, Netflix dvds

ROCK BOTTOM

Some jobs feel like your own personal rock bottom.

In reality you're in an office watching an excel presentation

But in your soul you’re standing in the middle of Target holding a bag of sun chips and trying to move slowly because you just had an accident in your pants.

ASS THAT WONT QUIT 15

Some people have told me that I have an ass that won't quit,

which is strange.

I've never stayed in a job past a year.

So Historically I'm a quitter and I'm pretty sure my ass follows suit.

Stories- work

*******

****

SECTION F.

CANT HANG

FRIENDS (material. )

AFFIRMATIONS

The biggest cautionary tape is When a friends occasional affirmational FB posts turn into daily ones.

I called up one of my best friends after seeing her posts and asked if her marriage- which had been rocky for several years had finally ended.

How did you know? She said.

If I had strung a week’s worth of her posts together there'd be fantastic copy for a new anti- depressant commercial.

FRIEND BREAK UPS

TRUE FEMINISM

QUESTIONABLE INTENSITY

Friends who are Fathers can be slightly overprotective of their daughters,

And mothers can have a questionable level of intensity with their sons.

My friend pointed at her son as he was playing with Legos and said, "oh my God.

Isn't he soooo hot?"

I had to remind her, " ah at one point he relied on you for sustinance-

and that’s Nasty Caroline.

And she said, " I know. I know-

{caramel voice} But oooooh gurl if he didn't, Hey baby . I see you. Keep building that tower."

We then had a conversation on what voice intonations are available to nice white ladies from the suburbs-

That’s not one of them.

Not for you girlfriend.

Ditto to any snapping motions.

Twerking on a case by case basis.

SECTION G

MOCHA

OUTRAGE. 25 seconds

When a white Person stands up for issues facing people of color with such force-

It feels incredible.

Wow Luke. You really care. Super woke. Good job.

Then you see that same person display the equivalent level of outrage-

for an empty ketchup bottle.

And you realize just they're working out a wide array of anger management issues.

Not really. on. my team.

CRAFTS

Thank you. To the white people who actually do something.

Any show of support is great but I do have some questions.

To the people who went into their craft bins and got pins, to affix to their shirts and show solidarity.

ah- but you had a whole craft bin.

I’m not saying anything fancy but a little flare would have been appreciated.

A hat with a pom pom?

Story- affirmative action

****

SECTION H.

DIC PIC. 20 seconds

I've been working with kids for about 15 years, that means parents periodically send me unsolicited snapshots of their little cuties.

Which- is the same as a dick pic.

That little head pops up on the screen, {hand movement} and all life choices need to be reevaluated

DIC AS CURRENCY. 20 seconds

I heard a person say “that’s going to cost you a dick pic”

Hmm. Have things gotten so real with bitcoin we’re now using Dick pics as currency.

Starbucks girl:Venti iced coffee. Ok that will be two chodes and a a gagger

Me: ok, here you go.

Starcucks girl: Oh okokok. Sorry um that’s only one chode.

Me: Oh I’m sorry. I was trying to be generous.

Never gotten a dic pic :(

I have never gotten a dick pic.

Perhaps it’s because my personality is it’s own restraining order.

I used to be sad about that in my twenties.

The same way I was sad about having small breasts,

I mean let’s be mature and call them tiddies-

In my twenties.

But then you wake up at thirty two, the sun shining in your apartment and you go out for a ice cream sandwich without a bra and watch a couple looking miserable

And it all makes sense

DATING

Dating-stories

Cemetery guy//soap

Divorced guy with ring

BALTIMORE BUTTS. 50 seconds

Ladies have a tendency to set the expectations of themselves incredibly high.

Take body maintenance.

My friend gets electrolysis everywhere,

including. her butthole.

Which is not only fiscally rediculous-

It's a welcome statement.

NOPE. mmmmhmm not here.

I need my butthole to be COMPLETELY terrifying.

You're driving down a really pleasant residential street and you see that one house that gives you the chills and you have roll up the windows.

That's the aesthetic I desire.

A creaky step. Some chipped paint. Screams from the inside. Ace.

It's tricky though because of the close proximiity to my punash, which needs to be incredibly welcoming.

It's doable.

Have you ever been to Baltimore or Philly?

***tag

So, possible. Just give specific coordinates.

BB tag. Dinner party.

***

2. CAHTZ (differences between men and women)

3. Girls are always covering for cat’s poor behavior past or present

5. “Yeah well what did you do to the cat?”

7. Boys are always selling

8. At least one sports team’s merits even if they don’t like sports.

SUPERIOR SEX.

There is no superior sex

If men were the superior sex

They would tell ladies that if you swallowedjizz

You’d loose 10lbs

If women were the superior sex

They’d bottle up all the hope in a mans eyes

When you talk about blow jobs

And just place it in a jar.

Just unleash it like fairy dust

Or whatever they use to make Disney world so magical.

SECTION I

2. ARTISTIC INTEGRITY.

3. Brother is a nerd

5. NERDS

7. Valuing yourself for your intellect is no different than valuing yourself for your looks

10. Put you down for not knowing things

11. Ask about things they know you don’t know

12. Have side conversations with other people who know things and laugh at a person not knowing

13. Act like your like you’re stupid b/c they had certain training without talking to you

14.

15.

16. They don’t value.

17. Having athletic ability

18. Knowing about pop culture

19. Being able to socialize

20. Being able to build things in a blue collar way

21. Having a work ethic that doesn’t require “difficult” mental tasks

22. Being kind to people who don’t have influence

23.

24.

25. Things they do.

26. Being lauded for smart achievements

27. Knowing things in their field

28. Knowing niche culture things

29. Not caring if they are cool (but caring)

30.

31.

32. Things they get pissed off on.

33. If you don’t validate their knowledge

34. Making fun in anyway way

35.

36.

37. The kardashians of education.

38. Look at all this intelligence just look at it.

39.

40.

41. Reformed

42. Married a wife who dragged him away from his home base of friends

43.

44. Double down

45. Always ready to quiz you on arbitrary topics

46. Like doughnuts

47.

48. Dabbling

49. Until you hit a point of their area of expertise

50.

51. Professor

52. Debates and bows out when they loose

(The only thing we have in common is our insane parents. He doesn’t like religion I love it)

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