#we are taking it slow

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

#dc comics #dc #damian wayne #dick grayson #talia al ghul #batfamily #dc robin #nightwing #anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther #like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it #they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc #but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself #anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did #it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios #also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul #you will always be famous to me #son of the demon origin...bwahhh #anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic #but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up #so go look at that as well #anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy #i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!) #so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!) #when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself #it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on #I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue #i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :] #idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups #so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat #(it's me they should hire me. please DC i have ideas listen to my red hood pitch PLEASE-)

[transgendz]

My roommate and I are financially unstable while he does through a long, complicated diagnosis process that started as we stopped being homeless. I just got a job, and it's going to pay well and allow us to get caught up and stable, but I don't get my check for a week and a half. We have rent due on the 1st, our storage bill due at the end of the month, and we are out of food.

Dm me for proof or details

I will do art for anyone who gives, just message me @theartistrans I also take commissions there.

Dm me for zelle

$creepiecrippl

V

PP

$0/$900

#for anyone curious we are growing our own food to reduce food costs and thats going well but takes literal months and we were only able to #start as it got warmer so things are a little slow on that but we also have enough planted to feed us already so theres that #and i am actually still applying to more jobs in hopes of getting a 2nd because its expensive to have medical issues turns out #we are just now recovering from bad malnutrition issues thats kept us both on and off sick for months and my roommate is still severely #underweight but hes gained a little🎉

[sporeclan]

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First moon(s) of 2024!!! WOOO!!!

#clangen #clan generator #warrior cats #warriors oc #sporeclan #LETS GO OAKFOX!!!! ANOTHER WIN FOR FOXFOX ENJOYERS #we all thought foxspeckle was giving relationship advice in moon 15...... but nay...... twas gender advice ALL ALONG!!!!!! #also pachirisu. my kindest little old man. he is so sweet to mousegrove. he just wanna be besties <3 #sc moons #sc:foxspeckle #sc:crowstar #sc:piperkit #sc: piperpaw #sc:finchkit #sc:finchpaw #sc:fennel #sc:mousegrove #sc:carolina #sc:cliffthicket #sc:pachirisu #sc:oakfox #sc:fadedtuft #also so sorry this one took me so long yall holidays absolutely take me out for the whole rest of winter usually #so dont be surprised if updates slow down just a lil for some time :') #updating the allegiances tomorrow probably

[evankinard]

I keep seeing people say buck has never gotten a breakdown moment and every time I have to reply well what's all this then

#i get that it was different from eddies in the sense that eddie's was the climax of his mental health arc and led to his healing journey #but sometimes a breakdown is just a breakdown and there's no immediate relief #(not that that was the case for eddie but for us the audience we saw him truly start to heal within the next two episodes) #buck just picked up his pieces and put himself together again into a recognizable shape #until the shooting and the crane brought it crashing down #and then he existed in a self destructive limbo all of season 5 until season 6 where we're finally FINALLY starting to see him heal #but that doesnt take away from the fact that the warehouse was a full blown breakdown after three decades of slow simmering misery #and the heartbreak grief desperation in his face is one of the most devastating things this show has ever done #evan buckley #911 fox #weewoo brainrot

[oniii-fans]

Tamayuki Hakka

#Take Me With You Childhood Friend! #Can we take it slow 🥺?

[sysig]

Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough

#She's so cute <3 #WPP #Portal #Ellen McLain #If you haven't played through the audio commentary I would Absolutely recommend it it is So fun #I clicked out of curiosity - kind of just expecting like a movie's audio commentary y'know? Like a video that highlighted specific scenes #No it's just the whole game again but with trivia pop-ups! I love that!! #It reminded me so much of like trivia track or the pop up fun facts from special editions of movies I would watch as a kid #But you can play through them!! You have to click on them and they spin! I love that!!! #I always love hearing the design and development process - fascinating how the playtesters reacted to this new game! #We take it for granted now but yeah I imagine it would've been very confusing at the time #And I was like ''Well it was such a small team and Ms. McLain was such a large part of it - surely she'll have a few bubbles?'' #She does lol - as soon as I got to her first one (it was a slow burn! They buried the lead with her lol I'm already invested!) I had to go #I saved-quit the game out of sheer excitement and giddiness lol I had to sleep on it before I was ready to come back #It is so cool to hear her natural voice ah <3 And the kinds of direction she was given! Other bubbles also talk about her vocal direction :) #Very cool! I wonder what TTS they used for reference :0 #But to hear her real laugh without the audio processing over and and she still sounds like GLaDOS! I mean of course she does but just jfdksl #That's /her/ laugh! They share a laugh! It's a very similar laugh!! #Not to mention her talking about wanting to play and just fdskalfd they clearly did such a good job with her performance and ahhh #It's too cute it's all too cute sharing a room with GLaDOS while her voice actor talks about making a cake to share with her friends stopppp #I am so enamoured <3 #I also took a bunch of screenshots of GLaDOS still shit-talking while she was being destroyed lol #Actually beat the ending in one try this time :P I ran out of time the last time pfft #But now I've beaten it twice in as many days :D Although I did start it the first time several days ago - but I beat it again quickly! #Has me all the more itching to replay 2 ♪ #WPVG

[magnusthepuppet]

hm. interesting (i’m going insane)

gif by @figmentof

#cooooool cool cool cool cool #i’m normal ! #my dumbass never stays past the credits #so my first exposure to this clip was a gif on tumblr……. #THE WHIPLASH #‘let’s take things slow’ #immediately sees them about to fuck #😭😭😭 #i’m cheering for them in every way possible #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #!!! #‘spoilers’ we all knew they’d fuck nasty this season don’t lie /lh #ed teach #stede bonnet #ed x stede #blackbonnet #gentlebeard

[curioscurio]

Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today

#im studying myself like a bug. with no judgement or compulsive self hate when i see the results. and then doing something different based on #those results #and its working #ive noticed that im much more productive when i have someone else to help or listen to. its a little uh sad because im not easily able to #to take care of myself and do things for MYSELF. but if its for someone else then its like i gain momentum #going out to clean out MY car? well i dont care how gross it is im not worth the effort. #cleaning out my car for my brother who i drive to therapy every other week? fuck yes its going to be nice and clean because therapy is impo #rtant and i want to help you stick with it and so we make it not a chore but lighthearted sibling time #like do you get it #anyway slow progress is still progress #the number of good days are slowly catching up to the number of bad days #post beginning of the pandemic 2020 was so brutal on me. moving back in with my parents especially #but i have a plan now . a real one. and friends to help me as well ! #oops rambling in the tags haha #long tags

[feeshies]

I did as much research as I could before getting a cat, I lived with baby locks on my cabinets for months so I could get used to it, I spent 45 minutes with an employee at the shelter bombarding her with questions, and I still worry every day that I'm fucking up.

Anyway, watching old episodes of My Cat from Hell has been comforting in that aspect

#Nemo still leans or steps away when I move to pet her #even after sitting on the floor with her quietly for a while #but I just take that as a sign to...leave #then she'll go hide for a bit #and then she'll come out into the living room while i'm working #she's very comfortable with my apartment #she's tolerating my presence #but she's still not sure about my proximity #which is fine #i knew she'd be a slow burn but she'll sometimes eat treats out of my hand and we play every day #so that's something

[just-null-cult]

literally in love with ur art and noritoshi like lord 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️my man is so underrated its criminal

criminally underrated.......

Noritoshi should be praised, not subjected to this slander. as a simp- I mean good samaritan, it's my passion to bring his name into a good light even if his name is after the worst person but I digress, this isn't abt him

free my boy from the confines of his sentence. he's so babygirl, bro.... why is everyone looking over him. where's his screen time. Noritoshi, if you're out there, I miss you.

and tysm! it makes me happy to know my art is pleasing and doing Noritoshi justice. my plan of indoctrination and gathering Noritoshi enjoyers is going smoothly.

#noritoshi kamo #noritoshi kamo x reader #kamo noritoshi #kamo noritoshi x reader #d. does this even count as an x reader...? #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #but fr. tysm! i take pride in my art and it makes me smile when people enjoy it #i hope we can together make Noritoshi content to keep us fed until GEGE GIVES US FUCKING ANYTHING ELSE #GEGE. GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE #GEGE I JUST WANT MY PRINCESS TO HAVE A WIN.. BE IT A FIGHT OR HAVING HIM BE SASSY TO SOMEONE OR SUCCEEDING IN HIS GOALS...... #ANYTHING #FUCK. EVEN AN OMAKE OF HIM SHOPPING WILL BE ENOUGH ATP.. #PLEASE #SOBS #I MISS HIM #NORITOSHI WHERE ARE YOU #also! im so sorry for answering your ask so late! im busy at times and draw slow but i will get to you in due time!!! tysm for your patienc #???

[ghouljams]

*Gasp* Can we get 1870! Cowboy Au Valeria??? What would she be??? How would she meet her partner??? Is it slow burn or do they move fast??? Does she try to kill her partner, like enemies to lovers or maybe it's lovers to enemies to lovers?!?!

I don't know what this is, I just want more Valeria....

Can I please have more of her ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ

🐇

Actually yeah you can because I have ideas for her and Los Vaqueros in the 1870 au, I'll do Alejandro and Rudy later, here's Valeria:

El Sin Nombre is an outlaw that no one has managed to come even close to capturing. Their gang is feared and loved in equal measure, both for the safety they provide and the money they take for providing it. It's a large bounty on El Sin Nombre's head, large enough to draw the most desperate of gunslingers, or the stupidest. A bounty that big is basically a warning. You're not one to get involved in squabbles like that. You think in another life being a gunslinger might be fun, but in this one you're a stable hand. A horse trainer on a good day, a muck shoveler on a bad one.

On the best days you get to see Valeria. She's not in town often, only when she's looking to break in a new horse or collect a shipment of some kind, but when she is it's like the whole world holds its breath. You hold your breath, until she tells you to relax. She always looks over your horses with a critical eye, asks you questions about their health, their speed, whether they spook easy, if they've ever been out in the dust. You don't know what sort of work she does, but you know it wears her horse down fast.

The poor creature is always in need of something when she rides into town. It's a lovely chestnut stallion, that you think might be the proudest horse you've ever had the misfortune of trying to care for. You've been nipped by it more times than you can count. Really you should stop accepting its reins, but every time Valeria holds them out to you, you have to take them. You can't ignore an animal in need anyway. Especially when she thanks you every time you hand him back.

"He's just as good as new," she compliments, petting the horse's neck. The animal preens at her touch.

"I called the ferrier and got him new shoes, gave him a bath, he had a small abscess in his mouth but a little salt water'll clear that up quick," you pat the horse's flank and try not to flinch away from the stamp of its foot.

"Play nice, I like this one," Valeria coos to it in Spanish. You don't think she knows you speak her mother tongue, you're never sure how to bring that up.

"Did your, uh, business go well?" You ask, trying to make conversation. Valeria signals for one of the men she's with to pay you and hooks her foot in her stirrup to swing onto the horse's back.

"What do you think, did it go well?" She asks her group, the Spanish lilts off her tongue in a way that drives you half mad. One of the men laughs.

"As well as a bullet through the brain, and more money in our pockets."

Valeria hums, you pretend you didn't hear or understand that. It makes your blood run cold to think about. You do this a lot around Valeria, pretending you don't have suspicions about her work, fearing and loving her in equal measure. She really looks beautiful from the ground, the sun shining behind her head and casting dark shadows over her face.

"Things always go well for me," she tells you in english, and you believe her. You think the earth would quit spinning if she asked it to. All the stars in the sky would line up perfectly straight if she commanded.

"That's good," you nod, taking the money offered to you by her subordinate graciously. It's always smart to be gracious when dealing with people you suspect.

"Do you like working here, this-" She grimaces, "-shithole?"

"I like it better when you're here," you tell her honestly, it's good to be honest with people you suspect as well. You never want to be caught in a lie that could cost your life. Better to be honest, especially when it's complimentary.

Valeria laughs, throws her head back and laughs. You think that's a good sign. When she finishes, she pulls her hat from her head and leans to settle it on yours. "You should be careful with your sweet talk," she tips the hat low over your eyes, "next time I might steal you too."

You push her hat back as she snaps her reins to take off down the street. The sun might be getting to you with how warm you feel. You think something might've just happened, you hope it was something good. Because you're starting to think the man with no name might be a woman, and that is a much more dangerous line of thinking.

#1870s!cowboy #outlaw!Valeria #valeria garza #valeria x reader #valeria cod #valeria x you #idk if the hat rule was a thing in the 1870s but damn if valeria isnt coming back for you #ma'am you can steal me any time #🐇 anon #i think we r gonna do marshal ale and ranger rudy #those fit the best #i think its kinda slow burn because reader is trying to not get killed #but valeria knows what she wants and takes it

[northern-passage]

i suppose i should do a little check in... i managed to finish ch3 of blood choke for nanowrimo (yay) but i'm still not where i want to be with tnp (boo)

it's been slow going... in general after the blood choke update my motivation kinda dropped more than i was expecting, which was foolish given the time of year. holidays are always a pain since i work retail....

anyways all that to say that i'm currently working on tnp. blood choke has shifted to the backburner - i'm still working on that, too, but my main focus now is to finish the ch2 blackwater route for tnp. i've also relegated my other projects to backburner as well. i really want to finish this damn tnp chapter before anything else at this point lmfao

i'm also going to be hosting a jam (which i'll announce tomorrow) along with some of my pals that will be through jan-feb, and i have a short game planned for that which i don't think will take up too much of my time.

thanks everyone for your patience and for sticking around as always 💗 i know it's been a long time and i appreciate the support you all still show me for this story.

#wanted to post this now bc i'll probably be scarce after tomorrow bc of work thru the new year #i wish i could say update soon but im not gonna do that to u all LOL #tnp is beating my ass rn #but i AM making progress. very slow very painful progress #i don't want to force it too much because thats just not fair to the game or to you all or to myself #im taking her for walks and giving her treats. we are bonding again slowly but surely #OH also i'll post those other snippets w noel and clem later this month too for u all #personal

[lollytea]

Huntlow situationship gives me such intense brain termites you don't get it

#no i dont think its because Hunter needs time to heal first #i think if it was up to Hunter they would plunge into a committed romantic relationship immediately after the events of the finale #he would propose to her in like. 3 months probably #i know that sounds intense but i think this is what ''i literally died and came back to life'' mania does to a guy #he is so carpe diem minded hes become a little insane. he wants everything #no more waiting around. no more hesitating. he cant afford to do that anymore #would it have been the wise decision to enter a romantic relationship immediately #who's to say. but Hunter would have done it without thinking about it #its Willow that makes the decision to slow down and wait a while before they make any committments theyre not ready for #i dont think she's entirely learned her lesson about letting herself be emotionally reliant every once in a while #shes made progress but the events of ftf were such heat of the moment responses #once things are semi-stable she still needs to adapt to acknowledging that her feelings for Hunter are like. serious. and scarily intense #so like. yea Willow is slamming her pedals on the breaks for both their sakes. shes thinking about how this would effect Hunter too #but also. she scawwed. #when Willow tells him she wants to talk and she's like ''i think we should just be friends'' oh the face he makes is DEVASTATED #he didnt expect it was going in this direction at all. but like. once Willow explains how this is the most reasonable decision for now #he DOES agree. he understands what shes saying and he agrees that it's the best decision to take a breather before they jump into a romance #anyway even when theyre not officially dating the flirting continues insistently. they are very obsessed with each other and cant stop #Willow keeps trying to insist to herself that its just messing around. nothing serious. they find each other hot. its fine to kiss a little #but Hunter makes it very hard when he looks at her with big brown labrador eyes. looks at her like shes the entire world #i think if it was up to Willow they would have been trapped in that uncertain limbo forever. shes too scared to take the plunge #even if she wants to. she badly wants to #but Hunter just wont let that happen. every so often he says ''im ready whenever you are'' #he makes his intentions very known. he is not the shy boy from Camila's house anymore #Willow cant just playfully flirt with him without worrying that hes gonna reciprocate. he talks now. he expresses himself #shes a little afraid of that. but she adores it too. he makes her feel safe but also he wont let her stay in this comfort zone #hes giving her the push she needs to pursue this relationship. gives her to push to feel like she can go after what she wants #because god knows HE knows what he wants #they make me so insane

[ladystoneboobs]

no of fence to jon snow fans who for some reason care about his exact age, but these discussions just annoy me no end. not only bc there's no way any weirwood flashbacks bran has to rhaegar/lyanna will come with time/datestamps, but also bc there's always comments like this:

SEVERAL turns of the moon (ie, months)?! have these people never seen a human baby before or just have no concept of their ages? even if we take into account travel time from the toj to wf, meaning jon was not a newborn too fresh out the oven when catelyn and robb arrived, there's still a difference between a newborn and a 3mo and an even bigger difference between those infants and an older baby 5-7mo. there's very good reasons these lines were cut. whatever birthdates can be worked out internally for jon and robb from when they're first mentioned as 15 and 16 don't matter in the end, bc grrm doesn't care about a consistent timeline and the actual text of catelyn's pov and ned's convo with robert about cheating on her should outweigh any guesstimates about jon's official nameday wrt robb's. catelyn may not have cared for jon, but she would sure as hell have noticed his nameday if it came before robb's and made him ned's firstborn. if jon's birthday canonically came before robb's then either ned's cover story would not involve adultery (not impossible for him to sire a bastard before his wedding), or he'd just give jon a new nameday along with his new name to fit the adultery lie. it makes no sense for him to lie about one and not the other, undermining the big lie with a little public clue of his story not adding up. whatever else she was as a stepmother, cat wasn't stupid and a bastard who was actually the eldest son being raised alongside her trueborn heir could be an even bigger insult than whether he was born of adultery or not.

BUT, the unknowability of jon's true birthday is not the only reason this annoys me, it's bc this is all based on the assumption that jon must be older since rhaegar/lyanna ran off together before ned married cat, as if both boys must have been conceived asap as robb canonically was when his parents consummated their marriage. and that's not how human reproduction works! even if you don't understand how fast babies grow in the first year, you should know that people who get pregnant do so through ovulation cycles and a lucky sperm finding an egg and all that, not just immediately getting knocked up as soon as one has p-in-v sex for the first time. not unless you only know mean girls sex ed where if you have sex you will get pregnant and die. (even tho lyanna did die, there's plenty of canon examples where pregnancy did not lead straight to death. also examples of people who did not get pregnant right away and even some who are/were sexually active and childless without always having moon tea on hand.) we can't know how long lyanna was having sex before that sperm+egg match happened or even how long she was with rhaegar before losing her technical virginity. if they were married, doesn't it make sense to think they didn't consummate their relationship until the wedding night either? that's the only leverage there is to ensure a status as wife rather than just mistress.

and while i just said grrm doesn't care about exact timelines and a lot is still foggy surrounding the rebellion and esp rhaegar, there is one timemarker wrt robert's rebellion he voluntarily threw in, time and time again: that stannis was besieged at storm's end for almost a whole year. that siege, which mind you, did not match the duration of the entire war. it only started after robert won his battles at gulltown and summerhall, returned to storm's end, and then went out and lost the battle of ashford, leaving his homeland open to the reachermen. the same siege which only ended when ned made a detour there after the sack of king's landing, before going to the toj. even if lyanna may not have given birth that exact day ned found her, she could only be waiting in that bloody bed for weeks at the most, not months. so if rhaegar knocked her up the very same night he carried her off and jon was still a newborn when ned found her after the siege of storm's end had ended, wouldn't that mean lyanna was pregnant for well over a year? that's not how human pregnancy works either! so, maybe that's proof that jon and robb, whichever order they were actually born in, were actually very close in age as babies, much closer than if they were both conceived asap.

and really, jon's actual birthdate does not matter imho, when he was raised not just as the bastard to robb's trueborn heir, but with robb also known by catelyn and the world as ned's firstborn (which he was, in any case, as jon was ned's nephew by birth). what difference could a birthdate before robb's make (even were there some means of discovery) after ned, cat, and robb are all dead? if one is looking only at his birth parents then he's only a firstborn child on lyanna's side, but definitely a second son on rhaegar's side. maybe he was always meant to be a second son with a not much older half-brother! even if the aegon fka young griff is not in fact rhaegar's son, he'll still be known as aegon vi targaryen, meaning jon will never be known as any father's elder son. if i may reference mean girls again, it's not going to happen.

#valyrianscrolls #asoiaf #asoiaf meta #robb stark #jonathan snowflake starkgaryen #i want him to succeed me as king in the north #jon snow #ned stark #lyanna stark #like this isn't prompted by anyone except that reddit post and its comments this has just annoyed me for so long #that's why i made that show!robb/show!jon coming of age gifset years ago bc narratively jon is always a second son #bc robb did everything first as elder bro and the only milestones jon will hit first will be the those robb can't since he's dead for good #(obviously starting with jon being first male stark to be brought back from the dead) #not that everyone interested in this debate thinks this way but it just feels tied to the idea of jon being a trueborn heir #not only was he never a bastard he was an eldest boy! eldest surviving boy with those pesky half-dornish sibs gone! point missed. #sorry i just dont think grrm means for a targ restoration with king jon any more than fake eldest boy kendall roy could win his succession #(c)lsb #i had to look up all the quotes on the big storm's end siege bc it makes me feel like i'm taking crazy pills #thinking what abt stannis starving for a year while others are like we just can't know how long rr was. was it even 9mons? #like yeah lollys's pregnancy doesn't add up but bc grrm really slowed the tl down postacok prob w/o really thinking #thats diff from repeatedly saying something lasted almost a year when he didn't have to give such a timeframe!

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a. #birdsong. #wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac- #in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really. #i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track. #and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy? #it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that. #how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love. #i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together. #i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too. #the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe. #so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc. #i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

[boysaremytoys]

ok, this one’s been percolating in my mind for a while. i’ve heard people say you need to work up to involving a dynamic or kinks in a sexual relationship and i disagree. maybe if you’re talking about, like, intense cnc or sadism, but as for d/s and lighter stuff, i don’t see why two adults can’t negotiate that the first time they have sex. i have, in fact some of my best experiences were first times with new people. “but someone could push you to do something you’re not comfortable with” that can happen with vanilla sex and it can happen the twentieth time, not just the first. “it could be a problem if one person has significantly more experience with bdsm” it could be a problem if one person has significantly more experience with sex. i’m not saying there aren’t risks, i’m saying they’re not specific to introducing a dynamic with a new/casual partner (actually they’re not even specific to sex, but y’all wouldn’t relish an aromantic’s opinion about romantic consent). tbh it just sounds like some of you aren’t very good at communicating or being aware of boundaries. i actually feel like it’s a sort of ‘hoisted by your own petard’ thing where like, you’re saying a dynamic requires especial attention to that, so then if you’re speaking from experience shouldn’t you (that is to say, people in “the community”) be especially good at it? if you personally don’t want to introduce a dynamic with new/casual partners that’s fine! but some of us do and are capable of doing so, and having vanilla sex at first against our mutual wishes wouldn’t serve any purpose.

#if a guy wanted to take it slow with certain kinks we could absolutely do that! #i’m saying a disagree with this arbitrary idea of some sort of rule #just as i think the idea that everyone in a dynamic needs to use a code safe word instead of talking like normal people is dumb #like the thing is i just don’t see ‘this kind’ of sex as that different from ‘normal’ sex #anyway. will i need to disable reblogs due to people wilfully misinterpreting this? time will tell