Prompt idea: Peter P takes videos of the avengers doing stupid things like playing monopoly or fighting over the last cookie and saves them to a flash-drive. One day they find the flash-drive. Btw I love all your posts
Earth’s Dumbest Heroes is one the most popular podcasts there is, especially since Peter started inviting the other Avengers as his guests (the episode with Sam and Bucky bickering so much even Peter can’t get a word in has the most views by far, which Tony took as a challenge to come up with an idea that will catapult him to spot number one). Every single week when a new episode goes up, it blows up the internet, able to push even the most serious news of the day into the background for just a few minutes.
However, when the video appears on the website, it actually breaks the internet.
The video starts with shaky footage before it stills enough that you can see Spider-Man in the middle of the screen, holding what’s probably his phone with one hand, waving with the other. His style choice is interesting – as in it’s a mismatched hoodie and sweatpants plus his Spider-Man mask to keep his identity.
“Hi, everyone! It’s me, your favorite bug boy with your favorite podcast – wait, can I call this a podcast? Isn’t this more like a vlog? Meh, we figure the details out later. Anyway, this is a very special episode because, well, I read your comments – love them, by the way, thank you so much! – and there are always some of you who think I’m making all of this up. That there’s no way these literal superheroes behave like idiots.”
Spider-Man sighs dramatically.
“Well, I tried to tell you all again and again and doesn’t seem to work. But what that’s saying? A picture is worth more than a thousand words?”
Spider-Man winks and then there’s a jump cut.
The footage is a weird angle, making it quite obvious that the video was taken in secret, but you can see a kitchen. The clock on the wall shows 3:52 am and it’s pitch-black outside. In the middle of the kitchen island sits Hawkeye, wearing cartoon pajamas and eating cereals. One can only speculate if he’s actually awake or asleep.
“You good?” comes the voice of Spider-Man from off camera. Without looking up, Hawkeye nods, taking another spoon of cereals. “Are you… eating Froot Loops with… coffee?” Another nod. “Why?”
“We’re out of milk,” is the only answer he gets before Hawkeye starts slurping the cereal coffee.
They’re in a lab with Iron Man in a half-assembled suit standing in the middle of the room, typing something away on a holo-screen. A robot rolls over to him, carrying something in its claw.
“What do you want?” Iron Man asks, not unkindly, and turns towards the robot.
Before he even knows what’s happening, the robot sprays him with a fire extinguisher.
There’s hysterical laughter in the background.
War Machine, the new Captain America, and the White Wolf are sitting on a couch, their entire attention on a tv screen off camera. There are faint noises from the movie playing, and the three men look like they’re in absolute agony. Tears are in their eyes as they sit on the couch as stiff as boards, Captain America even biting down on his fist to keep still. War Machine sniffs as the White Wolf tries to subtly wipe away a tear from the corner of his eye. Suddenly, the music rises and all of them let go a shocked gasp, looking even more distressed now.
War Machine looks to his other side and his voice almost breaks as he asks: “Why the fuck did you make us think Big Hero 6 is a fun movie?”
Back in the lab; Iron Man is working on something on his work bench, a mask over his face as he’s welding something.
Sparks starts flying around.
At a speed that seems way too fast with all the stuff lying around, the robot from before rolls back into the frame and immediately starts dousing him again.
The video only shows the ground, a foot and part of a leg.
“How many videos of DUM-E spraying Tony do you have?” Black Widow asks.
“Uhh… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really? You’re trying to play dumb? C’mon. Look who you’re talking to.”
A sigh. “You noticed?”
“You’re not exactly a spy, little spider. After this project, you should stick to swinging around, not making videos.”
“Wait, why does it sound like you’re not stopping me?”
“Because I’m not. They deserve it.”
A pause. “What did they do?”
“Ate the last of my Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.”
Once again in the lab, but this time, Iron Man is already completely covered in the foam from the fire extinguisher. He is carrying one himself and there’s a puddle of foam in front of him, right next to the already familiar robot. “The one time there actually is a real fire and you’re still dousing me!”
The robot moves its claw up and down, looking more excited than guilty.
The entire screen is filled with a not-that-great looking chocolate cake. In the background, there are two very familiar voices arguing.
“I can’t believe you did this!”
“I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this!”
“It’s chocolate sauerkraut cake!”
“We had that cake all the time when we were younger! Sure, it was the Great Depression, but you never said no to it when my mom made it!”
“The difference being your mom actually knew how to bake, unlike you!”
There’s a shocked gasp and then the sound of something being thrown around.
The doors of the lab open and Iron Man walks in. Of course, the robot appears at his side out of nowhere and sprays him with the fire extinguisher once more.
This time, Iron Man barely reacts, sighing deeply as his shoulder drop and he wipes some of the foam off his face before turning towards the robot. “Do you just think I’m this smoking hot or is this your new type of love language? Because I’m really at a loss for words here.”
The robot chirps excitingly.
Spider-Man is back, chuckling lightly. “I hope this convinces you all that the same people who do their best to stop aliens from destroying Earth and humanity and whatever are also petty and childish and shouldn’t be left without someone to supervise. Which, by the way, you can apply for. The entry qualifications are that you’re able to stand this craziness and know how to hide veggies between food, because they’re honestly terrible at eating those. Anyway, I need to go hide now because they will hunt me down once they see this. Bye! See you all next week!”
The video cuts to black – but unbeknownst to Spider-Man, that isn’t the end of the video.
After a second, the video cuts back to the lab one last time. Iron Man is sitting in front of the camera, a towel around his neck as he looks like he had been doused one more time, bits of foam still stuck in his hair. Pointing at the camera, he smirks. “This is payback, kiddo. Don’t act like I don’t know who messed with DUM-E for this.”
A montage starts playing – dramatic and fast classical music with footage of Spider-Man’s fails, like falling from the ceiling, unable to unstuck himself from somewhere, shooting his webs in his own face, or sticking his webs to the wrong surface, cut to a matching pace. It finishes with a clip of the robot from before dousing Spider-Man who just fell from the ceiling of the lab.
Tag list: @joyful-soul-collector @sheabeeprime @spideyspeaches @zanderljones @jelly-pies @ftopbn @lost-lunar-wolf @peter-is-a-bean @a-moon-fairy @mrs-potts-stark @supernoetta @glorified-red @probablyprocrastinatingrightnow @thecrazymarvelfan @hatakehikari @aixabi @sublimedragonherohumanoid @bittersweetbeneath @vintervittrannerd @anarinette @always-loki @zetasaturno99 @sdottkrames @potter-turn-to-page-394 @doctordumblesstark @its-funnier-when-you-say-it @fangirl485 @gaycinnamonrollgirl @bettyadinnye @0adore0 @loveliestdisappointment @lunars--world @just-things-things @chaos-with-a-pen @onlyonepotatochip @dreamingtreees @liviemma @nightingalestakeflight @imwatermeloness @baloobird @randomfandomcheeto @hold-our-destiny @underoosandtonystank @peterparkeriswholesome
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Your Wrecker fic destroyed me. I hope you decide to write more for him one day!
Hi sweet anon! I’m so glad to hear you liked it. I haven’t got anything else planned at present, but I do have a couple of little personal headcanon thoughts to share. Hopefully that scratches the itch for now!
Warnings: a teeny tiny passing reference to sex, and a whole lot of tooth-rotting fluff under the cut.
First of all, every time Wrecker has shore leave, he brings Lula to your apartment so you can give her a fresh spritz of your perfume. The scent rarely lasts the entire duration of a mission away, particularly when his squad returns to Kamino instead of the Core, so you make sure to give her several good sprays whilst you’re mending any loose seams. He’d been beyond delighted when you made her for him; a little surrogate for yourself while he was away in the colours of his squad’s armour. You’d expected him to laugh at you - a hardened soldier with a soft tooka? - but you should have known he wasn’t the type to feel embarrassed about something like this. He’d embraced her fully, making a point of lavishing attention on her and booming his praise of your craftsmanship in front of his crewmates.
You’d been surprised to learn that of all his vode, he’s closest with Tech. The reserved, bespectacled commando had seemed as far from Wrecker as humanly possible - bizarre, then, that they’d supposedly been created from the same genetic material. But as you’d gotten to know them better, you’d learned that strange, fierce protectiveness that exists between any two brothers: both in defence of the other, one physically, the other intellectually.
When he’s not fighting, Wrecker is one of the gentlest people you’ve ever met. He's proud of his strength, and enjoys nothing more than a fight (it’s nice not to have to hold back for once and let his body realise its full power) but when he’s planetside with you, he loves nothing more than to feel the small bones in your hand under his careful fingers.
He has a sweet tooth, and one of his favourite things to do when staying with you is getting in the way helping while you make fresh honeycrusts. He bends down to let you reach his lips so he can taste the honey on your fingertips, still warm from the pastry. More than once he’s snatched you up into his arms and swung you around the tiny kitchen, making you squeal with laughter. Sometimes you have to remind him to quieten down a little bit when his thunderous voice becomes a problem for your upstairs neighbours. Since losing the hearing in his left ear he’s no longer aware of how loud he is, and as his voice naturally carries a lot further than most you just need to let him know that yes, you can hear him perfectly well. He doesn’t mind being told to keep it down, though sometimes he’s a little smug about telling you the same when your high-pitched wails become louder than strictly considerate.
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