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#wanted to tell her that she should be grateful that i’m even still wearing hijab but i didn’t know how to say grateful in arabic lmao
sonderwalker · 3 years
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as a follow up to this previous drabble, please enjoy some more modern married AU below the cut
“You don’t have to be so grumpy, you know,” Obi-Wan quipped as they walked down a brightly lit path. 
The air was cold enough that Obi-Wan could see his own breath form in front of his face, and was grateful for the fact that Anakin had decided to give him back the green sweater that he had first borrowed from him years ago.
“I’m not grumpy,” Anakin muttered back, shoving his hands inside of his pockets. 
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped as he watched Ahsoka run up the path towards them, her braids flowing behind her. 
“Skyguy!” She exclaimed as she got closer, and Obi-Wan noticed that there was a different kind of sparkle in her eyes as she held up her phone. 
“Barris said she’s on her way!” Ahsoka said, shoving the phone in Anakin’s face who leaned away. 
“Barris?” Obi-Wan asked, tilting his head to the side. 
“Yeah, Snips has a huge crush on her,” Anakin replied while grinning. 
Obi-Wan laughed as he watched Ahsoka’s face change from one of joy to one of annoyance, raising her eyebrows and crossing her hands over her chest. 
“You can’t just go around and tell other people my business, I don’t want Barris to know yet!” 
“Okay, sorry sorry,” Anakin said as he held his hands up and smiled. 
“My lips are sealed,” Anakin continued with a wink, and Ahsoka rolled her eyes and groaned. 
“Hmmm, it isn’t like Barris to be behind on something,” Obi-Wan noted as he ran his hand over his beard. 
“You know Barris?” Ahsoka asked, tilting her head to the side slightly, her braids following suit. 
“I work with Luminara, and Barris works for her as a research assistant.” Obi-Wan pointed out. 
“You never mentioned that to me, Anakin!” Ahsoka exclaimed. 
Anakin shrugged, “I didn’t think it was important at the time.” 
Ahsoka groaned. 
“Well, it looks like everyone made it!” Padme exclaimed with a happy smile. 
Around them, lights in different shapes and colors moved about, and people walked in groups, holding hot drinks in their hands. Ahead Obi-Wan spotted Barris, who was nervously playing with a pin on her hijab talking to Ahsoka, who seemed to be excitedly chatting away about something. He watched as Ahsoka said something and Barris laughed, prompting Ahsoka to now be the nervous and flustered one. 
Then he turned his attention back to Anakin and Padme, who were standing next to each other. He had given her the container of cookies that he had made earlier, and now the two of them stood next to each other, watching the crowd as they munched on snacks. 
Or, as Anakin stood with a hot drink pressed closed to him and Padme munched on the cookies that he had made. He had a slight frown on his face, and Obi-Wan watched as his shoulders shook slightly despite the numerous layers that he was wearing. 
And now that Obi-Wan was looking more closely, he could tell that Anakin still looked exhausted, despite having spent most of his break so far resting. 
“I guess so,” Anakin mumbled as he brought the paper cup up to his lips. 
“Why do you seem upset?” Padme asked as she turned to face him and Anakin rolled his eyes. 
“Oh, not you too,” Anakin groaned and Padme raised an eyebrow, turning to look at Obi-Wan. 
“You do seem… off, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said sincerely. 
“‘M fine.” Anakin mumbled as he took another sip of his drink. 
“Well,” Padme began looking down at her phone, “It looks like there’s a snowstorm on the way, and I know that you two don’t live as close as the rest of us, so maybe you should get going soon?” She suggested, looking at Obi-Wan with a soft smile. 
“That would probably be best,” Obi-Wan noted while Anakin shrugged and stepped away from Padme. 
“Perhaps we can catch up another time?” Obi-Wan asked as he and Anakin began to walk away. 
“Of course!” Padme exclaimed
“Is something on your mind?” Obi-Wan asked as they walked back towards where they had parked. 
“Why do you keep asking me that?” Anakin snapped, his brow furrowing. 
“Because you have hardly smiled all day, and this was something that you were looking forward to, dear one,” Obi-Wan pointed out as they walked off of the path that they were on and into the parking lot. 
“It was something you were looking forward to,” Anakin pointed out. 
“So, you’re telling me that you didn’t want to come?” Obi-Wan asked as he pulled the keys to the car out of his pocket. 
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Anakin snapped back. 
“Then what are you saying, Anakin?” Obi-Wan replied, exasperated at the sudden sour mood his husband seemed to have. 
“Ugh, nevermind. Forget it.” Anakin muttered as he slid into the passenger seat of the car, turning the heat up all the way. 
They rode home in silence. 
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said as the door to their apartment closed behind him. 
“What?” Anakin snapped, turning to face him, the frown from earlier still on his face. 
Obi-Wan took a deep breath, knowing that his anger wasn’t going to solve the problem, but also trying to resist the urge to grab his husband by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. 
“Is something wrong? Did I do something?” Obi-Wan asked, unsuccessful at keeping his voice level as it began to rise. 
“You’ve been irritable for the entire night!” 
“I wouldn’t be so irritable if you didn’t keep asking me about this every five minutes!” Anakin snapped back and Obi-Wan huffed. 
“Well, perhaps if you told me what was bothering you instead of ignoring the problem, then we wouldn’t be having this discussion right now!” Obi-Wan replied, all but yelling at this point. 
“There isn’t a problem!” Anakin replied, his voice cracking. His fists were clenched, and even though they were now inside, Obi-Wan could see that Anakin was still shaking. 
His expression softened slightly as a result. 
“Everyone wanted to go to that light festival and we did and we got to see and talk to everyone, so I don’t see what the problem is! Or what your problem is!” Anakin yelled, taking deep breaths between his words. 
“And you keep talking to me about how I’m the one who’s-” but he stopped talking, his eyes widened as he blinked several times before collapsing where he stood.
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foutbolimajine · 4 years
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i would treat you so much better ⦁ ruben loftus-cheek
word count: 2307  ⦁ short/medium/long
(rqst)
I could feel his gaze on my back, I always could. Ever since I’d taken the position on Chelsea’s PT staff and met the team, there was always one player who I couldn’t shake. Some people considered my arrival at the club in May 2019 as fate, or a favored coincidence. Personally, I considered it to be my own hell. There’s a special kind of pain in wanting something so bad, and it being right there, and still not being able to just reach out and take it. I had come on as part of the women's team staff and when they realized they were overstaffed, moved me to the men’s team on an assistant of the assistant position, that still paid more than what I’d been making for my two months on the women’s team. Cue my side eye here. 
Ruben was the first player I’d really gotten to work thoroughly on. His injury had happened a week after I had joined the team and the staff thought it was a great way to test to see exactly how good I was. They’d assigned me to be a part of the in and outpatient crew over his recovery, which meant that while I helped him during training at the facilities, I also saw him quite a bit outside of Cobham as well. He and his family were incredibly sweet to me, and always observant of my religious edicts. They allowed me to pray in their home, and never offered me anything they knew I couldn’t eat. This was more than what could be said for others I’d worked with over the years. I guess this is when my small crush on Ruben began. 
Birnie mentions that he’ll be back and I send him a thumbs up, trying my best to keep focused on the screen in front of me. Ruben and I couldn’t be together, for a long list of reasons, so being alone with him was always a task for me. He doesn’t say anything for a couple seconds and then abruptly and loudly clears his throat, causing me to jump. I turn in my swivel chair to send him a look, but stop completely when I see his teasing smile. 
“So not funny, Rubes.” I tell him, rolling my eyes. I turn back around to finish my paperwork, but clearly he wasn’t done. I flinch at the scraping of the chair against the floor as Ruben comes and sits next to me. “Whatcha doing?” He asks, leaning his head so far close to mine that our cheeks are almost touching. 
“The same thing I’ve been doing since you came in and asked me the first time.” I mumble, finally typing in the last bits of information and selecting ‘print’. “Excuse me, mate.” I push my chair back more roughly than intended and go around him to the printer. 
“I like how you’re wearing your hijab today. It’s different; it looks good on you.” 
I mentally thank Allah that my back was turned because I’m sure my face was the color of a tomato. I mumble a low, “Thank you.” and go to file the rest of the papers. He moves back to his original spot and I can finally breathe again. 
“Uh, Isaac and I, a couple of our friends, and some players from the team and their girls are going out tonight. You should come. Amira will be there too.” 
Ruben was nothing if not persistent. He asked me this literally any time the boys were going out. Even when we weren’t at work. I could count how many times he’d sent me a text under the pretense of medical advice, and ended up with an invitation to join him, his friends, and Amira out for a night. I’d always decline, partially because there were rules against it and partially because I did not want to spend the night watching the guy I liked get grinded on by his girlfriend. 
“I’ve told you before Ruben, I can’t. Because unlike some of us,” I send a pointed look in his direction. “I like to follow the rules of my job. Plus, is your girlfriend really okay with you inviting another woman out?” I asked that even though I already knew the answer. Amira liked me, as a person and a professional, and never lacked to show it. She thought I was instrumental in getting Ruben back on his feet and was grateful for that. As much as I didn’t want to like her, she was a nice girl and didn’t deserve my coldness. 
“Oh come on, you two are basically two peas in a pod, no?” He snickers, because he knew we weren’t. “Okay how about this? It would be crazy if you came to Illmatic tonight at 9 and myself and crew happened to be there. Wouldn’t it?” This man was unrelenting. 
“Yeah, Rubes. That would be insane. It would be even more insane though, if I were to bring cash or a card.” Finally giving into his attempts. For a moment I think I’ve stunned him into silence before he releases a low chuckle. “I uh, I reckon you won’t need either. Hypothetically, of course.” Just as I’m going to respond, Birnie comes back in and all I can do is quickly send Ruben a thumbs up. 
Work eventually comes to an end and after hours of getting ready, I hesitantly find myself waiting in my car outside of Illmatic. It didn’t seem too crowded and I was thankful for that. If anyone happened to snap a picture of Ruben and I was in it, my job would be gone. Ruben said he’d send Amira to walk in with me so as to not draw attention to myself or their relationship. A win-win, he’d sold it as, so why did I feel like I was losing? 
There’s a sharp knock on my window and I jump before realizing it’s only Amira. I unlock the door and she slides in, that annoyingly bright smile on her face. “Oh my goodness, Aya! Hello! I couldn’t believe it when Ruben told me you were coming! It is so nice to see you.” 
I offer her a tight lipped smile and lean awkwardly into her hug. “Same to you, Amira.” She babbles on about her “modeling” career and the plans for the night and other things I didn’t care too much about. I nearly launch myself out the car when I see her phone light up with a text saying we could go in. I’m assuming the boys must’ve said something before we came because security took one look at us before waving us through. So this is what it’s like to party with the footballers. I could hear Isaac shouting over the music as they waved us over to their section.  My breath hitches at the sight of Ruben and I try to convince myself he’s looking at his girlfriend and not me in the way that he is. That thought only gets more unbelievable, when Amira touches his shoulder and his gaze is still trained on me. 
“Hel-” 
“You must be Aya? The guys have told me a lot about you.” I turn to see an unfamiliar man towering over me. He held a drink in one hand and reached out with his other. “I’m Paul.” He introduces. I take his hand and shake it quickly. “Pogba?” I quip. He laughs and asks if we could talk at the bar to which I agree. I looked over my shoulder to see if Ruben had noticed, but he was all too consumed with the woman on his lap. Right.
Apparently, Paul was a childhood friend of Isaac’s who’d recently moved back to London after having left for university and then work. He was back in town now starting his position as a junior doctor and wanted to get back out on the scene. He said the Loftus-Cheek siblings spoke highly of me and he couldn’t wait to meet me. He was confident, but not cocky, and was just as interested in getting to know me as I was, him. He was Muslim, single, and a sight for sore eyes. Not only that, but he could hold an intelligent but witty conversation. And he was funny. I was having such a good time with Paul that I forgot we’d come in here with the other guys at all. That was, until I saw Ruben pushing through the crowd with Isaac following on his heels. 
“Ayaaaa, you’ve met Paulie, eh?” He slurs, squishing himself in between Paul and I. “Are you drunk, mate?” Paul asks, looking back and forth between the brothers. He’d asked, but it was more than obvious Ruben was out of it. The first couple buttons of his shirt were undone, his pants were partially sagged, and his breath absolutely reeked of tequila. On top of that, the entirety of his upper body was being supported by the bar, and if he moved back even the littlest bit, I was sure he’d go tumbling towards the ground. 
“I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Aya.” I send Paul an apologetic look and focus on Ruben. “Hey Rubes, maybe you should go home, yeah? Isaac’s ready to go.” Nothing could prepare me for the scoff or malign look I got in response. “Oh, you’d like that right? So you can go and be with Paul. You know he’s not that great right? He isn’t me, he isn’t a footballer. He can’t do what I can, Aya. I would treat you so much better than that bloke.” I was literally stunned into silence and had no clue on how to respond. Isaac was trying to speak to me, but I could hear nothing over the ringing of my ears. 
“Okay mate, that’s enou-” 
“Shut the fuck up, Paul! Shut up! We get it! You want to fuck Aya, mate!” 
At some point, most of our group had gathered around and was now actively trying to hold Ruben back from fighting Paul. Amira and some of the other WAGS had also decided to make an appearance and were shouting obnoxiously, making the already head splitting situation worse. Somehow I caught Paul’s eye and mouthed, “Sorry.” Before pushing my way through the crowd and leaving the group behind. 
The next morning I woke up dreading my upcoming day at work. Sometime in the early hours of the morning, Isaac had texted me an apology on the behalf of his brother, and Paul had texted me an apology on behalf of his friend. He used the opportunity to charm me even more by adding how he could see how Ruben could be so mesmerized by me, and that we should forget about this and start over. I’d sent Isaac back a quick message saying it wasn’t his fault and that it was fine even though we both knew it wasn’t. I, in turn, also apologized to Paul and thanked him, but turned down his lunch invitation. After everything that had happened, I really didn’t want to jump into something with Paul, especially now that Ruben had shared how he felt. 
The entire day at work, I tried my best to avoid everyone. It was my luck that we were behind on paperwork, so I got to be holed up in my office all day. I didn’t even come out to have lunch with the staff, something that I knew didn’t go unnoticed, but didn’t feel like dealing with right now. At the end of the day, I’d stayed just an hour longer to make sure that everyone had left before I walked out to the parking lot. Even with all these precautions, and me literally running out to my car, I didn’t anticipate Ruben caring enough to wait outside, against my car, after a long day of training.  
And yet. 
“Aya, I am so sorry. It was the alcohol, I swear it. I would never say those things to you or Paul.” 
Now it was my turn to scoff. “Sorry for what exactly? Fighting Paul? Playing with my feelings? Ruining the night? You take your pick.” I brush past him to put my things in my car before folding my arms over my chest. 
“All of it. Literally, every single moment. Starting with me pressuring you to go out with us in the first place. It was unprofessional of me and I know that it’s just I literally can not stop thinking about you. When I’m training, when I’m eating, even when I’m with Amira, you creep into my thoughts and I just can’t stop it.” He paused for a moment gauging my reaction. “But I don’t think I want to. I like you, and I know there’s nothing I can do about it, but I do. And I saw how well you and Paul clicked yesterday. I, uh guess I have some steep competition?” 
He didn’t, actually. He had me completely wrapped around his finger, but he was right. There was nothing we could do about it. “Yeah, you do.” I agree anyways. 
He tries to fight it, but I can see his lip begging to quirk up. He opens my car door for him and I skeptically get into it. “Maybe I could take you out sometime? Try and catch up? Hypothetically of course.” 
“What about Amira?” I ask.
“About that, she may have heard what I said to you and broke up with me? Not hypothetical at all.” My eyebrows shoot up and he nods in confirmation. 
“Um, in that case. You may hypothetically pay for my lunch tomorrow, and we can talk after that.” I smile cheekily in return. He laughs as he closes my door and I drive off without looking back.
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danasmonster · 3 years
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Comparing the SKAM Remakes: SANA (Part I)
Sana (SKAM original)
Sana is constantly having to defend and explain herself to others - her friends, her family, strangers. We see this with Vilde when she says Sana can’t have sex, and Sana clarifies that by explaining that she can have sex, she just chooses not to. There is also the assumption that Sana isn’t interested in boys or that she can’t participate in russefeiring “because she’s not ‘allowed’ to drink alcohol.” We see it with her parents when she has to explain to her mom that not all aspects of Islam fit her, and with her brother when she references him discouraging her from wearing a hijab in order to fit in more and avoid stigma. And finally, she explains during her season that she has experienced watching her brother being spit on, being asked racist questions, and other rude or hateful acts because she and her family are Muslim. 
The struggle to be both Norwegian and Muslim turns into a competition she gets lost in, and she ends up doing some very non-Muslim things like bully the Pepsi Max squad and lie in order to procure a russ bus. She also develops feelings for former Muslim and current atheist Yusef, which opens up an internal debate about the “Muslims only marry Muslims” rule.  
With all of her bitchiness, her prickliness, her rudeness and her mistakes, I still absolutely adore Sana. She is strong, outspoken, and takes absolutely no shit from anyone. Her story is so incredibly relevant to the world as a whole because of the way a lot of people view Islam or other “restrictive” aspects/sects of Christianity or other religions. It is a reminder that ultimately we should strive to love and understand each other, whether you are a theist or an atheist, a Muslim or a Norwegian. All is love. 
Everything I Love:
The opening scene with the contrast between Sana’s view from the bus with terrorist attacks and None of Dem by Robyn & Royksopp is so fun, & the look Sana gives the woman giving her a look over on the bus is pure Sana perfection 
The scene when Elias called Sana a slave woman and all of his friends gave him a verbal beatdown 
When we heard that Eskild was redecorating Noora’s room without her permission 
The Hot in Here scene with all the Balloon Squad working out while the girl squad ogles them, and the way Sana visibly snaps herself out of her trance. Also the shot of them coming up the street with a bunch of balloons to meet the girls is iconic
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The way Yousef comes over to talk to Sana while she is over in the corner being a grump on the bus - I knew there was a reason she and Isak became friends. They’re both grumpy pants. 
When Sana catches Yousef dancing in her living room
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The happy little look on her face when Yousef sends her a friend request on Facebook. She always smiles so freaking bright when she’s having fun with him
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When Yousef showed off his carrot peeling skills
The way the Pepsi Max squad always has Pepsi 
When Yousef took the rap for the vodka left out at Sana’s party, then Sana was hit with a metaphorical brick when Yousef told her he isn’t Muslim. You could see the shock on her face, and now she is conflicted because “Muslims only marry Muslims” and she clearly has already developed feelings for Yousef
When Sana and Noora drink coffee and bask in their solidarity that Vilde and Magnus are gross
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When Sana and Yousef play basketball together and we see her smile - we have NEVER seen her smile like that. And then they have a heart to heart about their individual religious beliefs and it is PURE GOLD
“I just feel like Islam, or religion in general, creates a lot of anxiety in people . . . I personally feel like I’ve taken the best out of the religion and thrown away the rest. It’s like, compassion towards others, being grateful for what’s best, having compassion. That’s it. Don’t you think I can remember to be a good person without praying?” - Yousef
“For me, everything can be total chaos during the day, but the moment I start to pray, everything turns quiet and clear. Because even though there’s all this chaos, you’ll remember what really matters. It’s fine because everything has a bigger context and a meaning. Because every little part of the universe is so complex. Imagine that! Even the brain of a cockroach has greater meaning on earth. I just can’t believe all of that is a coincidence,” - Sana
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Her chat with Elias was also fantastic
“What’s more important, saying you believe in Allah or behaving as though you believe in Allah?” - Elias
Watching everyone join in during “Imagine” definitely almost had me tearing up - another song added to my playlist. Honestly this scene was so sweet and touching and then everything just came crashing down. It was intense. And Sana’s face just looked freaking broken. Then when she overheard that her suspicions about being pushed out of the group because she’s Muslim were correct it was like an extra stab through the heart
The scene where she’s walking through the schoolyard was excellent - very reminiscent of Isak’s similar scene, and another way in which the two of them parallel one another 
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And this line is so, so true from Sana to Isak regarding why she never told Isak she knew Even before he met Isak
“I think Even should get to choose for himself how much he wants to share about his past. I mean, you might not want to share every thing about your past.”
When Sana and Jamilla have the conversation about all the different ways people fast, and Jamilla references her friend who won’t even swallow her own spit. So this friend goes around spitting all the time while she’s fasting. “She’s really confident about it, too.” 
Both Sana’s expression of how she thinks the world views her and Isak’s response are very powerful
Sana: “Do you know what people think when they see me, when they see my hijab, which is the first thing they see? They think I’m wearing it because I’m forced to, not because I want to. And if I say it’s because I want to, then I’m just oppressed because I can’t have my own opinion. We talk about freedom of religion and all kinds of freedoms here in Norway, but being allowed to wear an extra piece of clothing, that’s wrong? Do you know what people do when they see Elias and I walking down the street? They spit at him because they think he’s oppressing me! He doesn’t even want me to wear the hijab because he doesn’t want me to get hate. Do you know how fucking tiring it is to walk out the door everyday knowing it’s yet another day where you have to prove to a whole country that you’re not oppressed . . . I’ve received so many dumb, racist questions in my life.”
Isak: “The dumb questions are so fucking important. People can’t stop asking the dumb questions because when they stop asking the dumb questions they start making up their own answers. And that’s dangerous. You just have to stop looking for racism in dumb questions. Even if they feel racist, it’s so fucking important to answer them.”
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The Los Losers bus definitely had me tearing up
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When Linn admitted to sending a used tampon to someone who flirted with the boy she liked 
When we see Eskild picking up his guru mantle once more and he compares The Bible to Beyoncé . . . “The Bible says ‘The greatest of these is love’ or as Beyoncé would say ‘Love on top,’” while giving Sana advice
Noora’s face both when she saw William getting out of his car and when she got out of his after a four day sex and talk marathon
The conversation between Sana and her mom about why it is important for her to eventually marry someone who understands her beliefs and reminds her of them, not because she should be Muslim but because she chooses to be Muslim and she “would be very lonely if she were the only one in the relationship who believes.” So, whether or not she marries a nonbeliever or a non-Muslim is Sana’s choice, but there would be essential parts of Sana’s own wellbeing that would effected if she chose to go that route because her faith is an essential part of who she is. 
The conversation with Noora was equally important. They may not necessarily be fated to be together, but there is a reason this person (Yousef) came into Sana’s life and avoiding him would be ignoring this sign from fate that this person is supposed to be a part of her life right now. Life is now. 
When Yousef and Sana have yet another philosophical/religious discussion and Yousef proposes: “Maybe that’s why society needs religion. Democracy isn’t based on the idea that all people are different. It’s based on the idea that all people have equal worth. And that idea doesn’t exactly come from science. But I don’t think it helps to pretend there aren’t prejudices. What you have to do instead is show what Islam is.” 
And The Finale!!!
When Vilde was putting on her makeup and listening to Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé, and everything else about her segment. I loved getting that glimpse into some of her life and mind for a little while. I’m still disappointed she never got to tell us her story during the original SKAM.
When Eva reminds Chris that he’s a fuckboy so they can never be together. Sure he’s momentarily disappointed and probably felt sad for a little bit, but he was really quick to move on to Emma - proving Eva was smarter than him and knew him better than he knew himself. Seriously though the scene where Penetrator Chris and Emma first see each other is fucking awesome
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE that the school nurse has a big white dildo on the desk next to her while she has her chat with Chris
When we see Even stressing over making Isak’s birthday perfect 
The interaction between Eskild and Linn when Eskild tells Linn she has to wear a hijab to Sana’s party because Sana is Muslim was hilarious. And then he told her they are always going to be there for each other and it got me right in the feels
And then when Eskild was proposing he, Noor, and Linn could share everything together if William moved in . . . shampoo, and William, and dish soap . . . 
Then Vilde to Chris; “You know why you’re my best friend? Because no matter how hard my day is, you always find a way to make me laugh. Sometimes it makes you feel better to pretend that you’re fine.” 
And the final speech!!!!
“Dear Sana, This speech is for you. And you’re getting it because what you’re inviting us to today overthrows American presidents tomorrow. We live in a chaotic world where it is difficult to understand the rules. Because why are some people poor and other people rich? Why do some people have to be refugees while others are safe? And why is it that sometimes even though you try to do something good it’s still met with hate?
It’s not weird that people give up, that they stop believing the good. But thank you so much for not giving up, Sana. Because even though it sometimes feels like it no one is ever alone. Each and everyone of us is part of the big chaos. And what you do today has an effect tomorrow.
it can be hard to say exactly what kind of effect, and usually you can’t see how everything fits together. But the effects of your actions are always there, somewhere in the chaos. In 100 years we may have machines that can predict effects of every action but until then we can trust this: Fear spreads But… But, fortunately love does too.”
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I’m going to go cry now. 
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To those who get it and those who don’t:
To those who don’t get it:
We are obviously all entitled to think what we want to. It’s truly the beauty of America. You may not have thought this women’s march was important, and that’s okay for your life. It wasn’t okay for mine. I needed this march. I needed it to show so many women that they are not alone. i needed it to show them that they have fighters and protectors right alongside them. I needed it, and it worked for me.
Please don’t tell me it wasn’t important, because trust me, it was. You probably weren’t there, so you don’t know how great the experience was. You had your experience, and I had mine. Mine was good for me, and yours was what you wanted. I got to see my wonderful, beautiful friends and family feel like they weren’t lost anymore. I got to see women of color, women with disabilities, trans women, women from other countries, and even men of the same get together because we all wanted to support each other. So don’t say this wasn’t important. The love is real.
I keep seeing you bring up women’s rights in other countries, like we don’t understand our privileges in America. We do understand them, but we’re also being threatened by our government. We’re being shown that being gay, being a woman, being non-white, or being transgender could all become more difficult, when it’s not exactly easy to begin with. We’re being shown that sexual assault doesn’t matter if you’re powerful. We’re being shown that being Muslim or black is going to label you a threat. We’re being shown that women are going to lose the ability to choose what we can and cannot do with our bodies. We’re being shown that healthcare is only for the wealthy and healthy. We’re being shown that the LGBTQ community won’t get the same respect as the cis-gendered or straight people. We’re being shown that even if you’re working hard and been here your whole life, if you aren’t born here, you’ll be sent away. For some people this could cost their lives. A bully is in power, and it is only going to inspire more bullies, some who will use violence. So maybe you’re safe, and these other countries have it worse, but for some people in America, it’s going to be worse.
You also say Trump hasn’t taken away anyone’s rights yet, so protesting is stupid. The march was of a preventative nature. Everyone has heard what the new administration would like to do with healthcare, and how they have addressed women and minorities. We protested on his first day in office to show him that there will be a huge resistance to the laws and policies we feel are wrong for this country. We don’t want what he wants, and we intend to show him and his cabinet and his congress that we won’t take it lightly. We will be here. We are here. We were here.
To the anti-abortion group, you can be anti-abortion and also pro-choice. Maybe you can really say there is no circumstance that you’d ever get an abortion, and for you, that’s fine. However, a woman should have the right to choose what goes on in her own body. Be anti-abortion by fighting for better healthcare. Be anti-abortion by fighting for better ACCESS to healthcare for poor women. Be anti-abortion by fighting for better sex education so everyone understands how to properly prevent unwanted pregnancies. Be anti-abortion by supporting better birth control access and research. Be anti-abortion by preventing rape by advocating for true consequences no matter the status and teaching your sons (and daughters) not to rape. All of these things will make unwanted pregnancies and abortions decrease. Most of all, don’t tell a woman who is not yourself that her choice for her life is wrong. She is not you. Maybe her health or body can’t carry a baby. Maybe she was raped and cannot mentally or physically have the child. Maybe having a child results in her death. But most of all, maybe it’s none of your business because what goes on in her body is hers.
You also like to say you’re not a victim so you didn’t need a march. We had to march to show the people who want to hold us down and make us victims that, in fact, this is not the case. We are strong. We rise. They are trying to portray us as whiny and helpless, but we just empowered ourselves by coming together. We are not victims. Nothing about what we did, said, or showed was out of weakness or fear. We created our own strength when we were made to feel like we mattered less. We don’t matter less, and we just wanted to show them that. So we marched. 
For you, maybe there was no reason to march. Maybe you’ve never needed healthcare to an extreme extent. Maybe you haven’t watched your own people unjustifiably die at the hands of people you’re taught to trust. Maybe your parents were able to teach you that anything in possible. Be glad they taught you that. For some people, life isn’t always about being anything they want because they just need to make it to tomorrow. Sometimes people aren’t told they can be anything. Sometimes people are portrayed as the bad guys in life when really they’re just scapegoats for an underlying problem in a country who forgets the working class. Sometimes people are brought up in environments that aren’t supportive. Sometimes people have to start working when they’re 14 (or even younger) because food isn’t available regularly, and then their education suffers because they’re just trying to survive. Sometimes people don’t have access to hospitals or healthcare or mental institutions that actually diagnose what others are just calling crazy. Sometimes people come to another country because they need new opportunities to live a better life, but the true process of being accepted and becoming a citizen is expensive and difficult. Sometimes people grow up being told it is unacceptable to be who they are. Be very grateful and very happy that you lived a life where education and care were provided. Not everyone in America lives that way. We march for them.
We could all use some empathy in life. So maybe this isn’t about you. Maybe it’s about the DACA students who have their education threatened or the LGBTQ community who feels like their own government hates them. It’s about our Muslim sisters who are too often not included in the feminist mold. It’s about my sisters of color who still have to tell you their lives matter. You’ve probably never experienced what it’s like to be them, but what you should do is listen to them. Listen to their experiences and what they want in life. Your experience is your own, and there are millions of other people in the world with stories to tell. Just listen.
One day I hope you realize this women’s march was for you as well, regardless of if you were there or not.
To those who get it:
I’ll keep this part short. You understand why I marched. Most likely you were marching, too. At the very least, you were there in spirit or voicing your support as you watched the marchers across the world. To you, I want to say thank you. I want you to never give up.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you this wasn’t important. We came together in true solidarity. While the march wasn’t perfect, and maybe we had some of our own issues, guilt, and judgments we need to work on, we still came together to show our government that we will not stand for the policies that infringe on our rights. Don’t let someone tell you we didn’t do anything. This was important to me. It was important to you. It was important to nearly four million people in the United States. No one can tell you it didn’t matter.
I don’t know about you, but the MILLIONS of people getting involved (not to mention the rest of the world telling us they are with us) made me feel stronger than I have felt in quite some time, especially since November 8th. The election had me defeated and losing hope. I went to anti-Trump rallies. I’ve called and emailed my senators. I signed petitions, but nothing made me feel as powerful as marching alongside (figuratively and literally) all of you. You give me strength and hope. There are more of us than there are of them, and we will resist.
I am a straight, white, cis-gendered woman. I know that this presidency and the policies that are threatening our country are not going to affect me very much. I could lose my free women’s exams and my free birth control, which are not good things, but I will probably not fear for my safety. I will not fear for my life and whether or not I can step outside without judgment or hate. People won’t look at me differently. They won’t openly hate me just because they see my face or my skin. I don’t wear a hijab, so no one will scream hurtful and ignorant words into my face. I can hold my boyfriend’s hand in public and not even think twice about it. I don’t have to painfully deal with the fact that my president has bragged about sexual assault because I’m not a survivor. All I have is that I am a woman with a little meat on her bones who has been told many sexist things in her life about the way she looks and the way she thinks. I didn’t march for myself. I marched for you.
I want you to know that if you are forced to register under this administration, I will register with you. If you aren’t allowed to love who you want to love, I will fight with you. If you are shown and told that you don’t matter, I will tell them that you do. If you are being blamed for being a survivor, I will refocus the blame to the real problem. If you are being told this isn’t your country, I will open my heart and my arms to welcome you.
You inspired me deeply. You made me strong. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and everything that I am.
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king2min · 7 years
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Ullen Sentalu: A Good Showcase of Javanese Kingdom History
One of the privileges becoming creative writing student is that we are being sent away from our campus to have a field trip and able to enjoy the beauty of nature.  I was a little bit upset when my teacher announced that Jogjakarta would be the chosen destination. I was expecting some places far away from Salatiga like Bandung, Bogor or Belitung because Jogja is quite near and I have been to Jogja quite often. Turned out, the field trip which was conducted in the beginning of Ramadhan is one of the memorable trips I have ever experienced. Cliché though, but it was the very first experience going away as well as I felt the sense of belonging with my fellow literature students.
The day was coming. The alarm that I set 4 am wasn’t ringing. I woke up when the clock struck at 6 a.m, I knew I was going to be late because all the students supposed to be at campus by 6 a.m. Not wanting to waste any second I directly took a quick shower and dressed up. I took my bag that I have prepared a night before. I directly went to the garage and started the engine. I drove my car to campus with a high speed as I could. I was really ashamed of myself because I was the only student who was coming late, my friends were mocking at me and there was nothing that I could do besides telling apologize. I was very grateful because they were still waiting for me.
As I stepped in the bus, I took the only left seat next to Chika, my friend.  The whole 3 hours bus ride was quiet. I observed my surrounding and everyone was closing their eyes. Not really sure if they were sleeping but I decided to lie down my head and close my eyes. However, I could barely sleep because of three reasons. First, because the seats behind me were occupied by the boys with their never ending chit-chats. Sometimes I found their jokes funny but at the same I found their joke offensive. Second, because of the music that was being played in the bus. Third, because it was road tripping. The atmosphere reminds me every time I did road tripping alone, the unfamiliar roads and the music accompanied me to always stay awake.
Around 10 we arrived at the first destination, Museum Ullen Sentalu. One day before the trip, I have read several reviews from people and I was expecting that the museum would have some elegant Javanese artistic and mostly be colored in brown. Turns out, it really is and more beautiful that what is shown on the internet. The building is designed with postmodernism characteristic. It combines several elements of rocks and woods, looks contemporary but still has strong java elements in it.
Before we went in to explore the museum, we were sitting in the waiting (or administration) room while waiting the guide to be prepared. Around 20 minutes later, the guide that would bring us around came. She introduced herself but I couldn’t remember her name, all I could remember was that she was wearing hijab talked very fluently.  The first impression was she must be very informative and experienced ones.
At the forefront, the guide led us to Goa Selo Giri. Goa is the equal meaning of a cave. We were down along to underground cave which composed from batuan Merapi (stones) since Ullen Sentalu is located in Mt. Merapi slope. Unlike the cave that is usually dark, rugged and weary. This one is established with thick stone walls surrounding us. As we walked inside, it felt like we were being dragged to travel back in the golden era of Javanese Kingdom years ago. The dim light of the cave gives its warm touching but contradict with its visual, the cold air filled as soon as walked further into Goa Selo Giri.
There are many rooms inside Goa Selo Giri. The first room was gamelan room from Kasultanan Jogjakarta. The whole gamelan set is dedicated for Javanese puppetry (wayang). On the both sides of wall, there are grand paintings of Javanese princesses dancing their own tarian jawa, such as Gusti Nurul, a beautiful princess from Kasultanan Surakarta, with her tari serimpi.
As we walked further, the Goa has a long range of photo and painting exhibits from both royal kingdoms on the both side of the dim walls. The guide started to narrate the history of Javanese Kingdom which were initially united but then separated. For a few moments I lost in contemplation, imagining if I were the royal princess of Kasulatanan Jogjakarta or Surakarta. I would have been living in royalty and everything would have been much easier for me. I know that is mere thought, even the royal princess in reality wouldn’t always been living in prosperity.
As the guide continued narrating the story, there was a painting of earthen jug, or javanese called it kecohan, caught my eyes. Kecohan is a place for the Kings to spit and it is placed next to the throne of the king. At first it sounded gross to my ears, but when the guide explained Kecohan is a symbol of Sabdo Pandito Ratu which means that a king should not lick his own spit. It gives me a strong message that as someone who hold a huge responsibilty we should always keep our promises. To my opinion, not only the kings who shouldn’t lick his own spit. But I believe every living inhabitants should not do the same for the betterment of mankind.
Out of the cave, we were dragged to area Balai Kambang, or usually called as Labyrinth area. Because the second spot is designed like labyrinth/maze. I was unconsciously smiling by the philosophical explanation about the reason why the area is designed like labyrinth. That life is not always goes straight and always be twisted. Sometimes it’s a dead end and we need to change our path. Sometimes we move and get lost in middle of the labyrinth, which is a reminder that we need to stop and reflect.
Like the life of Putri Tinneke, one of the royal princesses from Kasultanan Surakarta, who had been stuck at an intersection in the labrynth of life; forced to choose a decision between love or glory from being a royal princess. But when she managed to find the way out, it was all too late. The accumulated sufferings from being broken hearted have caused her so much pain. That was the story of the first room of the Balai Kambang which called  as Bilik Syair Putri Tinneke, the royal sister of Pangeran Bobby from Kasultanan Surakarta. All the poems that she received from the worlds telling her to stop being sad is being displayed in this room.
Being inside the labyrinth is being challenged to find the way out. Knowing sad ending about the life of Putri Tinneke encourages me to leave everything behind, because I don’t want to have the same ending with her. We continued our way to find way out, exploring Ratu Mas room, Batik Kasultanan Surakarta room, Batik Kasultanan Jogjakarta room and stopped by Putri Dambaan.
As we finished exploring the labyrinth, we were awarded to drink special jamu (herbs) from Ullen Sentalu. I couldn’t recognize what are the ingredients of the jamu. It tasted sweet but not really sweet. I’m not good at describing it. But one thing for sure, the guide told us by drinking the jamu helps us to stay young.
Having done exploring the museum, we finally came to the area with a large sloping background. The spot is especially designed to allow visitors taking pictures.  Everyone was ready with their pose and the kind-hearted tour guide took several snaps of our team.
Visiting Museum is always alluring experience. All of the collections, arts, cultural artifacts and paintings in the Museum Ullen Sentalu are beautiful and precious. Needless to say, I have been struck in awe the whole time to its own unique and artistic charm of the treasures. Then I came to realize that my knowledge about Javanese Kingdom is really lacking. I was coming to the museum with an empty glass. Once I came to the exit gate, I could see my glass was already full. I might be ignorant in the past. However, every time I found myself visiting the museum, I’ve always feel myself empowered than before. They provide the best effective way of learning. The guide is one of the best supporting systems to learn. Although during our time in Ullen Sentalu the guide spoke fast, she is kind of a guide who would ensure that everyone understands with her explanation by asking us whether we have question or not.
My teacher ever told me that literature is a reflection of life. And now I believe, Museum is also part of its literature which has reflection to our past life. It always teaches me new insights and values about the historical things and the inherent values of cultural artifacts that we have. Museum Ullen Sentalu is a good showcase of the history of Javanese Kingdoms.
 -fin-
 #MuseumUllenSentalu 
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