Tumgik
#walk by faith
fakegingerrights · 9 months
Text
Walk By Faith (2)
[TW: Medical Checks, Seizures.]
Prev Chapt Next Chapt Masterlist
He woke up to light.
Crosshair blinked his eyes open to a blurry mess of light and shadows, all the shapes indistinguishable from each other.
Sight was both a huge relief and a curse, a headache instantly building as he squinted and batted at the desk lamp until it turns off.
It wasn’t just his head. His whole body ached with a low thrum of pain. He stumbled out of his room, looking for the water that he had left out and downing it greedily.
“Morning sleepyhead. Or, Afternoon.” You said, glancing up from the kitchenette where you had a stool pulled up to the counter, he squinted in your direction in hopes to see better what you were doing. You sounded exhausted. Crosshair gave a grunt and placed a toothpick between his teeth.
“I have some commcalls to make. There’s a painstim on the counter if you need it. "
He huffed, chewing on the toothpick as you ducked into your room and shut the door behind you. The painstim sounded tempting, but if it was gonna knock him out again...
Bah, he wasn't allowed to do anything else as is, may as well.
Ignoring the slight dizziness that passed over him as he stood up, Crosshair stumbled to the counter and found the capped stim. Pulling the needle cover off, he gritted his teeth and jabbed himself, hitting the plunger. He swabbed the pinprick when he was done, rolling his neck against the stiffness that too many stims in the muscle tended to bring. Stalking back to the sofa, he flopped down. Failing to get comfortable, he slid down the seat to sit on the ground, leaning back.
His legs complained at the new position, his entire body stiff from laying down for so long. Slowly, Crosshair unfolded his legs and leaned into the stretch, hissing slightly. The physical strain, while not as good as a proper workout, felt nice after days of immobility. He breathed into the pull and sank until his nose was brushing his knee before switching sides.
The pain was nice as he tuned out your muffled voice through the flimsi-thin walls. It gave him a clarity and focus he often felt deprived of in the last few weeks. Once his legs had loosened, he swung his feet behind himself and planted his hands firmly on the rug, pushing back until his chest was parallel with the ceiling and his back clicked several times, making him huff in satisfaction. Sitting up properly, he went through his joints from his knuckles clear up to his shoulders and neck.
Finished with that, he tucked his feet under his hips and lay back down, sighing at the pull in his hamstrings. When that wasn't enough, he pushed his feet forward up past his hips. Tech always got on him for this, saying it was bad for his knees, but it was an effective stretch. Just as he relaxes into it, your conversation catches his attention.
"-would disobey direct orders?" A familiar voice came from the closed door of your room.
Rampart.
Crosshair moved closer to listen, cursing his unfocused vision as his foot caught on the edge of the carpet. He sighed and sat down just outside the door, on the ground.
"You are not at liberty to give me orders, Admiral." Your voice floated back, slightly muffled.
"I'm not? You are in possession of something of mine for the time being. Take much longer and I will begin to get impatient." Rampart's voice was as impassive as ever, but Crosshair knew better. He was pissed.
"Possession? No. I am in the service of the Kaminoans as a contract Optician. Crosshair is my patient. You are not at liberty to order me around, unless you've suddenly been granted a Kaminoan science degree while the Empire wasn't looking. And until I choose to release Crosshair, which will not happen until he has a clean bill of health, you may not issue orders to him either." Your voice is flat, the usual cheeriness or at least calm reassurance gone.
"Watch your tone, Doctor. Some might think you're threatening to withhold Empirical property." Rampart commented offhandedly. "I'd hate for your career to come to an untimely end, especially with your newest research grant in lens replacement, especially with how well your test run is working."
"Commander Crosshair is more than an experiment. If this is my 'test run' then it's a piss poor one. He already had near inhuman vision, this might slightly improve his sight, but this would be far better spent on people who actually need it?" You hiss slightly on the words, then take a deep breath to calm yourself.
Crosshair could almost imagine the muscle in your cheek twitching as you fought from ripping into the admiral. He had to shut that train of thought down before he chuckled and gave away his eavesdropping.
"You dare insult the Empire's generosity?" Rampart asked, a shade of amusement coloring his tone.
"Generosity is not the word I'd use for it. But because Mama raised me right, I know when to shut up and take what I'm given. And I will take. You've just admitted Crosshair is my trial run on my research. Empirical law on medical research, in Article 257, Paragraph 12, says that I am entitled to use my trial for the entirety of my experiment, if need be. Now, because I am generous, I'll give you back your Commander, once he has a clean bill of health and I am satisfied that I have gotten all the results I need."
A pang of betrayal tore through Crosshair. He really was just another experiment to you, wasn't he. That's all he ever was.
"Doctor-"
"If you'll excuse me, Admiral, my Test Run is waiting. Good day."
"... Good day, Doctor."
There was a sound of the holoprojector powering down, and Crosshair scrambled back to the couch, leaning back and throwing an ankle over his knee.
You sighed, scrubbing at your face tiredly as you stepped out of your room. You paused in the doorway, glancing at something on the floor he couldn't make out.
"You left the corner of the carpet flipped up." You grunted, kicking it flat as you exited your room. "That... went better than I was hoping."
Crosshair grunted in response, chewing on his toothpick as the headache slowly started to fade as the stim kicked in.
"Only because Rampart screwed up though. I guess taking medilaw was a useful elective. You took a painkiller?"
Another grunt. You sighed, throwing the used stim in the trash. "I'd hoped for better... How are your eyes?"
“Kriff off.” He ground out. “Unless you’re gonna force some eyedrops or something into them.” You sighed and glanced at your mess of paperwork.
“No. I’m trying to get the proper permissions so we can take a look at your head. That episode last night was terrifying.”
Crosshair glared. “I’m not letting the long necks poke around my head. They screw with my eyes enough. You screwed with my eyes enough.”
“Crosshair, if these keep getting worse then you pose a danger to yourself and others.” You chastise. “Hungry?”
“No.” He bit out, closing his eyes and snarling slightly. “Where’s the eyedrops?”
“On the table in front of you. You need a hand or-“
“I’ve got it.” He snarled, grabbing the small white bottle and fumbling with the cap, then putting two drops in his eyes and hissing in irritation at the itch.
"Grab another glass of water once those have settled. You're dehydrated." You call over your shoulder. Crosshair just flips you a rude gesture.
He did, to his credit, refill the glass at the sink and go back to sulking on the sofa, sipping it slowly. He stuck a fresh toothpick in his mouth to gnaw at as the headache slowly faded into a dull buzz in his skull, spitting out the old one chewed to woody fibers.
"I'm taking you down to do a level five scan of your head, no Kaminoans present. Then hopefully we can get some answers."
"I don't care who is poking around my head, I'm not kriffing going." Cross sets the glass down harsher than he means, knocking it over and sending it spilling to the carpet below. "Kriffing-"
"Leave it, commander." Your voice is tired, even if he can't quite make out your face. "It's a non-invasive procedure. Just a scan. You don't even have to be asleep for it."
"I'm done with the kriffing tests! You and the rest of the doctors can go kiss a hutt for all I care, but I'm not going back in that lab. Ever."
"Unfortunately, Crosshair, you're not the one who gets to make that decision, as long as you're under my care." He watches your blurry form approach with a glare. "I am not your enemy here. You're in pain. Something is karked up enough in that head of yours that you are receiving enough of a constant low level exposure to electricity the very atoms in your bloodstream are falling apart."
"You're just another doctor. You're the reason they changed the lenses in my eyes. You're the reason right now that I can't kriffing see." He spits right back. "You will never know how terrifying it is, to be told that the only reason your creators bother keeping you alive is because of your eyes, because you can see everything, only for them to turn around and decide they're not good enough? That I have to stay blind and in pain for weeks and should be thankful that they're fixing the issue instead of outright decomming me? And then you more or less tell Rampart to shove it for what? So you can poke at me some more?"
A heavy silence follows his words, him glaring at you for all he's worth and you just watching him silently.
"You're right." Your words are soft, half a whisper. "I never will know. Right now, I'm doing my best to keep you out of Kaminoan... and Empirical, hands. You are my patient, my responsibility. I will stop at nothing to get you healthy and happy." You crouched and picked up the glass, handing it to him. "If it means this much to you, then I'll hold of on the scan for now. But if these episodes continue or get worse, I'm taking you down there and we're getting to the bottom of this."
Crosshair hugged, taking a step back. His knees hit the sofa and he sat down, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Whatever. I couldn't care less right now."
“Crosshair…” You trail off with a sigh, considering how to approach this. "You're not just an experiment to me, Crosshair." Your voice was softer now. "I hope you know that."
"That was some nasty piece of politicking." He eventually says, in lieu of an answer. "Last person to try and talk circles around Rampart got shot."
You snort. "Glad it was a holocall then." You pick up your bag and Crosshair stiffened, his posture going from carefully neutral to coiled tight to forcibly relaxed in the span of a second. "I know, I know. I really need to do this, though, and make sure nothing's wrong. You have some vision back, so I have to do this now that your eyes will react to light."
"Who's it going to?" His voice grated slightly.
"Pardon?"
"You're going to write everything down, who's it going to?" He folded his hands behind his head, normally a gesture to show surrender, but for him it hid the sudden tremors in his fingertips.
You gave Crosshair a small smile, coming into a better range of focus with a bag of instruments at your side.
"Usually, it goes to the head researcher. So, me. The empire will have no access to it, if that's what you're worried about. Neither will the Kaminoans, unless they go through a painfully long legal process and get your written consent." You sat across from him, spraying sterilizing mist on your hands.
"I'm a product. They can do what they want with me." His bitterness hit close to home. You managed a small smile.
"Not for this. Not when you're under me. You're listed as a patient, not a piece of equipment." You sprayed the sterile spray into a rag you just broke the seal on and sat closer to Crosshair, knees almost touching.
"... Alright." The word was softer than you expected.
"Ok, this should go pretty quick, ok? But if you need a break, tell me." You carefully began to brush the antibacterial spray across his face. Crosshair goes stone-still, chomping down on his toothpick so hard he was surprised it didn't snap as his mind dissolved into static, a mess of everything too much and memories of being tied down, too bright lights, the maker-awful pressure wash on his eyes as they-
"Crosshair. Breath." Your firm voice came as a jolt. "You know how I'm gonna do this, why don't you walk me through it. What comes after sterilization of the surrounding area?"
"Uh." He mumbled intelligently, focusing on the procedure. "The light."
"Good." You pulled the flashlight out of your bag, gently pinning his eyelid open on the left side and letting the sensor lock onto his pupil, flashing the tiny screen green when it was good to go. "Ok, flash in 1... 2... 3-" The flashlight went off, measuring how fast his pupil reacted to the light before returning to normal. You let out a low whistle as the numbers flashed, jotting them down on a scrap of flimsi. "You really are incredible. Even just out of surgery, you beat out most human reaction speeds."
Crosshair let out a long breath he hadn't known he'd been holding as you moved to the other eye. He didn't flinch, he wouldn't flinch. The flash went off again and he sucked in a breath.
"Ok, ok. That part's done. What comes next?" Your voice was placating, gentle.
"The air." He managed, his voice strained as his heart rate ticked up another notch.
"Excellent." You murmured, switching instruments and pretending not to notice the hitch in Crosshair's breathing or the thick swallow. This was a bad one, then. "Can you tell me what it measures?" You set it right against the bottom part of his eye, against his cheekbone.
"How fast I can blink." Crosshair switched to counting out his breathing, following the same pattern as the one you had used the night before.
"Do you want a countdown?"
"No." He rasped. "Just... Just get this over with." The puff of air hit his eye just as he finished his sentence and he flinched violently, snapping his head to the side. Thankfully, you still got the reading.
"One more. Gotta get the other one now." You set the instrument against his cheek at he went completely taunt, every muscle ready to flee. The flinch came again with the puff of air, along with a strangled gasp. Once the reading flashed, it was quickly pulled away from his face.
"There you go, it's done." You sat back, giving him a break. Crosshair closed his eyes and leaned back, swallowing around the ball in his throat that he wasn't totally sure wasn't his heart as it showed no signs of slowing down, hammering against his chest. The sofa shifted as you stood, grabbing his forgotten glass and refilling it, along with retrieving something from a cabinet.
"Here." You murmured, pressing the water into a lightly trembling hand. "Let's take a small break. We still got the worst part to tackle. Then it's just the stupid easy stuff. I'll be done messing with your eyes."
Crosshair sipped at the water as you set the second object, a ration bar, in his lap.
Yellow, Hunter's favorite.
He nibbled at it as you dug through your bag. He froze at what you pulled out.
"No." He ground out. "Not that."
You paused, setting the instrument next to you as you checked the battery on it. "It's alright, Commander. I know you hate this part, it's not pleasant. Tell you what, I'll let you make the choice. Now, and get it over with, or we can do the more non-invasive tests before we take a look at the surgery flap and test eye pressure."
Crosshair knew he should get it over with, but he could hardly catch his breath as it was. "Anything else first." He spat. You nodded, as if he had said the most obvious thing in the world.
"Ok then." You moved to sit in front of him, holding up a finger. "Without turning your head, I want you to follow my finger." Crosshair tracked your finger as you swept it across his vision, clear out past his periphery. "Good. Other side?" You repeated the motion across the other side of his head.
"Any discomfort?" You ask, jotting something down on that blasted flimsi scrap. Crosshair shook his head. "Good. I'm going to move a bit farther out now. Keep your eyes facing ahead and tell me when you can no longer see my finger." You swept your finger out to the left until he stopped you, then the right, then up, then down.
"Excellent. Ok, let's cover one eye?" You left the sofa and grabbed your holoprojector, setting it on the counter and pulling up an image of an aurabesh letter chart. "What's the lowest line you can read clearly from there?" Even at a mere ten paces away, he could only get to the third line.
"Auruk, Peth, Forn, ..." He squinted. "Orenth, Trill,"
"Very good. Other eye?" The image changed to a different set of letters. He tried the third, but it was a mess of lines and blur. Second it was, then. "Besh, Herf, Krill, Enth."
“Got it. Ok.” You powered down the hologram and stepped forward again, holding up your thumbs about two feet apart in front of you. “You can see my hands?”
“Not really.” He mumbled, and you stepped a little closer.
“It’s alright. Now?” You waited for his faint nod. “Got it. I want you to look back and forth between my hands as fast as you can while I count to ten.” As you counted off, you kept track of how fast Crosshair could move his eyes.
“Good. Any discomfort?”
“…” He pressed his lips together. “A little.” He admitted at last. “When I look up.”
“Sharp pain or just pressure?” You sat back down next to him. Crosshair pursed his lips, a mix between a frown and a grimace.
“Pressure.”
You nodded. “That’s normal. Ok, you ready for the hard bit? I’m going to do both eyes at once, ok?”
Crosshair goes deathly pale. "Get it over with."
The instrument was simple, meant to measure the pressure of the eye. The problem was, it had to touch the surface of the eye. You went fast, barely waiting to get a reading before moving the instrument away from his eyes. As soon as you were done he ripped himself away and shut his eyes tight, unshed tears being squeezed out and tracking down his cheeks as he fought to get his breathing under control.
"Crosshair." You keep your voice low and soft, gently nudging his hands down before he can rub at his eyes. He snarls slightly.
"Didn't you learn last time not to kriffing touch me?" He glares at your bandaged hand for emphasis.
"I'm not afraid of you." You reply.
"You should be. I am not a good person." The distraction is working, slowly. Crosshair's form was still tense, angry lines and hard angles.
"I've faced worse." Came your stout reply as he squinted in your direction in an attempt to get his blurry sight into focus. "You weren't scary last night."
Last night he had been... vulnerable. Too many emotions, too many memories that came from his sightlessness. He was stronger, he was a clone. "Last night was different. I didn't have a choice to trust you."
"I'm sorry." You sit next to hin, pulling your knees to your chest. "For what I said earlier. About your voice not mattering. I lost my temper."
Crosshair snorted derisively. "That was losing your temper? You need to get out more." his tone is tired, but it's lost some of the heaviness.
"What, you planning to take me?" It comes out more bitter than joking. "I have work. I always do. Right now, it's keeping you out of empire hands until you've healed." Crosshair crunches down on the toothpick in his mouth, making a face as it splits down the middle. He takes it out and flicks it off to the side.
"The Empire isn't some monster you need to save me from. I made my choice." There's a steel note in his voice and you back off a bit.
"The Empire treats you like property. They want you fixed up and ready to go back on the frontlines with hardly enough time to heal. And since it rose, you've lost weight. You've developed a slight anemia. You look like you hardly sleep. That... it isn't healthy." You don't look at him, unfolding your legs to sit crosslegged and staring straight ahead.
"I am property." He grunts, nibbling at his ration bar.
"......." You don't say anything for a long moment. "Droids are property. Animals, are property. You are not. None of your brothers are either."
If Crosshair was caught off guard by your sentiments, he didn't let it show on his face. He studied your side profile with a slight squint, as if trying to see inside your head and unspool your thoughts out for him to read.
“Why are you kind to me?” He asked after a long pause. “I’m not made for gentle things.”
You hesitated, then shifted closer so that your knees touched his. He stiffened but held his position in the end, accepting your silent olive branch “You’re my patient, Cross. It's my job to care for you.” He stiffened slightly. “A job I enjoy. You’re grumpy, yes, but you are much more than your armor. So much more than a pair of eyes.”
“Cross?” His voice is tired. So tired.
“Is that alright? To shorten your name?” You asked. Crosshair was silent for a long moment.
“It’s what my vod-… my squad, before they went AWOL. They called me that. I haven’t heard it in a long time.” He winced and put a hand to the side of his head, blinking a few times to try and get his fuzzy vision into focus.
“Is it alright to call you that?” You asked again. After a long moment, Crosshair nodded. He shut his eyes tight against the growing migraine as static began to crackle in his ears.
“Cross?”
“How long has it been since your commcall?” He grunted.
“Almost two hours. Are you alright?”
“Headache.” He grunted. “Already took a stim.”
“Water? And you still need to finish your ration.” You went to refill his half empty cup. You only look back when a loud thump of something hitting the ground caught your attention.
Crosshair was sprawled on the floor by the couch. You set the glass down sharply and slid on your knees the last foot or so as you turned him on his side. His breathing was shallow and fast, eyelids fluttering to reveal only the whites.
“Hey, Commander!” You patted his cheek in what felt like a pathetic attempt to rouse him. Nothing.
Then the silence snapped into motion as Crosshair’s spine arched and his limbs went rigid, full body spasms shaking his thin frame. Cursing, you slid under his head and held his head and shoulders steady with an arm across his chest as you yank your commlink off your belt and punch in the frequency of the infirmary with hands only steady after years of training.
“Hey! This is the optician assigned to the long term care of CC 9904. I need a gurney down here stat and an emergency exam room prepped,” You hoped the authoritative anger hid the fear in your voice. “Now.”
[A/N: Wow. I was genuinely not expecting this to completely blow up like it did. Holy Smokestacks. Uh... I guess updated taglist:
@the-hexfiles @moon-wrecked @stunkbiggu @urfriendlyneighbornightfury @anotherschuylersister @endo-bunny @renon4224 @tecker @rinwritesfics ]
97 notes · View notes
dramoor · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
(Spotted on facebook)
47 notes · View notes
bibleversedaily7 · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
192 notes · View notes
mimosaapapi · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Find me somewhere in the wilderness, smoking a blunt & collecting peace.
15 notes · View notes
dearjewels22 · 27 days
Text
Tumblr media
3 notes · View notes
Photo
Tumblr media
1 Corinthians 5:7
143 notes · View notes
christlivingcentral · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
86 notes · View notes
8bitmanna · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Verse of the Day
💛2 Corinthians 5:7💛
5 notes · View notes
mysimpleservant · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
9 notes · View notes
prettyblondguys · 9 months
Text
seeing The Mountain Goats perform Never Quite Free live would fix everything I just know it
6 notes · View notes
walkswithmyfather · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
“No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future if you will walk by faith in God. God loves you! He wants you to live with victory over sin so you can possess His promises for your life today!” —Joyce Meyer
11 notes · View notes
fakegingerrights · 5 months
Text
I’m baaaaaaaack
Guess who won their appeal with the collage board! Turns out it wasn’t the teacher’s fault at all, it was the collage board representative we spoke with not doing their kriffing job and I got the bad luck to be caught in the middle. After threats of a lawsuit for discrimination after they said they had voided my tests they gave me my scores. I’m proud of all but one that I think they still discredited my written portion but I got 4s in AP Lang/Comp and AP Psych, and I’m set to retake my test I got a bad grade. Walk By Faith might still be slow due to school and sports and my new quest to build a fandom for Dungeon Crawler Carl books… but I have a tidbit for yall!
"
Tech was the genius. Hunter was the strategist. Kriff, even Wrecker was brilliant when it came to weapons and explosives.
But Crosshair was no slouch either, and right now several pieces were falling into place. Tech was currently on the run from the empire. Tech was stupidly sentimental in his own right when it came to his brothers. Tech helped build Echo's upgraded hardware.
Tech knew enough about neural networks to devise a helmet like his.
Tech loved him enough to do this.
Tech lead him on a wild krayt chase
Tech was looking out for him still.
He didn't need Tech's protection.
Damn it you Cha'kaar, just admit you miss them!
Crosshair shook his head roughly, wincing as his vision glitched and flickered. He was getting a headache. But he had just figured out something more important than his current discomfort. Tech was your contact. You had been working with traitors.
You were a traitor. You had to be. You had to have known.
The white halls of Kamino jittered and glitched as he stalked down them towards the medical bay. He knew he needed to get checked out, but he was looking for you.
Traitor. You were a traitor. Was he a traitor?
Crosshair’s breathing was unnaturally loud in his ears as he staggered and fell to his knees. When had his vision cut out? "
9 notes · View notes
almondeyjoy · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
11 notes · View notes
bibleversedaily7 · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
Thank you Lord ❤️🙏🏻✝️
12 notes · View notes
everydaybibleverse1 · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
 So we are always courageous, although we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord,  for we walk by faith, not by sight. - 2 Corinthians 5:6-7
4 notes · View notes
djsyftkogtech · 2 years
Text
Dear God of My Praise,
I lift up Your name and praise You this day,
Today and everyday are the days that You have made...
This is the day the LORD has made;�We will rejoice and be glad in it.�Psalm 118:24
You are the mighty God, creator of the universe, lover of mankind, sustainer of all, most magnificent and awesome father, most caring and devoted nurturer, most powerful, all-knowing and ever-present.
How can I even count the ways that You are worthy of my praise?
Thank You for Your gifts of love and life.
Thank You for Your promise of eternal life with You through Your righteous Son Jesus Christ.
Thank You for Jesus my Savior and for Your Holy Spirit who convicts and seals and guides me each day.
Thank You for Your Word, The Bible, which illuminates, instructs, and leads me.
I am grateful for who You are, all that You do and all that You will do.
In the beautiful name of Jesus I humbly come before You,
Amen. 🙏🏾❤️
I have been here before !??🥹🤔🙏🏾❤️
Sudden Light
BY DANTE GABRIEL ROSSETTI
I have been here before,
But when or how I cannot tell:
I know the grass beyond the door,
The sweet keen smell,
The sighing sound, the lights around the shore.
You have been mine before,—
How long ago I may not know:
But just when at that swallow's soar
Your neck turn'd so,
Some veil did fall,—I knew it all of yore.
Has this been thus before?
And shall not thus time's eddying flight
Still with our lives our love restore
In death's despite,
And day and night yield one delight once more?
Break Down …
Sudden Light by Dante Gabriel Rossetti
‘Sudden Light’ by Dante Gabriel Rossetti describes a speaker’s moments of recollection when faced with an emotional scene involving someone he loves.
The sights, sounds, and smells of the scene reminded of something he can’t quite place. He comes to the conclusion that he has lived this moment before alongside the intended listener of ‘Sudden Light’.
In the second stanza, he describes two moments that happen simultaneously. These are the flight of a swallow and the turning of his listener’s neck. They confirm to him that yes, he has seen these sights and felt these same feelings before.
In the final lines, he turns to his listener and asks, mostly rhetorically, if it is possible for their love to overcome death. He feels the two have a connection that could last beyond day and night, or life and death.
5 notes · View notes