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#wake up new love confession just dropped

norrizzandpia · 1 month

Note

Heyo! I’m totally obsessed with your writing at the moment, can’t put my phone down! Have you seen the video of Mila watching Lando on tv and calling him “lala”? Was wondering if you could write a fic with that in it?

I have had an idea for this specific video sitting in my head FOR AGES

Lala (LN4)

Summary: When Y/n meets Lando’s family for the first time, Lando warns her about his niece who glues to his side whenever he’s around. What she isn’t expecting, however, is the heart melting nicknames he has been given. It prompts some interesting confessions.

Warnings: none

“Baby, one more thing before we go in.” Lando murmured from beside his girlfriend. His hand in wrapped in hers and she fidgeted with his fingers, nervous for the moments that were about to ensue.

Her head tilted up to look at him, “Yeah?”

A small smile graced his face and his eyes softened as he began, “My niece, Mila, likes to stick by me whenever I’m around. I don’t know how much time we’ll get alone during the next few hours.”

Y/n giggled, “Lan, that’s fine. That’s sweet anyway, means you’re good with kids.”

She whispered the last part, eyeing him suspiciously before he whispered an i love you and kissed her temple. His hand knocked against the slab of wood in front of them, anxiety heightening as Y/n began to hear footsteps approaching.

Cisca appeared, bright face and warmness to her that made Y/n feel immediately welcomed.

“Oh, how nice it is to meet you! Lando never stops talking about you!” She yelled, throwing her arms around the girl and rubbing her back lovingly.

Lando blushed as Y/n laughed, “What? There’s a lot to brag about.”

Y/n leaned into him, hand wrapped around his arm as they stepped through the threshold, “That’s sweet, Lando.”

“You’re swee-” He began, but is interrupted by the rapid beatings of little footsteps. His brother and his sister-in-law followed close behind the little girl who rounded the corner with loud giggles.

“Lala!! Lalalala!!” She screeched, arms open as she made grabby hands at Lando from her stance in front of him. Y/n’s brain began catching up with the moment, the nickname sinking in and her heart warming at the sentiment.

Lando picked Mila up, kissing her cheeks and tickling her sides lightly as he laughed with her. The image is something Y/n never wants to forget, Lando in his true element with his favorite people.

Oliver and Savannah stop, looking lovingly at Lando and their daughter, before turning their attention to his girlfriend, “Hi, it’s so great to finally meet you!”

Y/n is still entranced by the feelings stirring in her tummy to genuinely put all her thoughts into a conversation between the couple, “It’s nice to meet you as well!”

A beat passes before Y/n asks, “Did she just call Lando Lala?”

Oliver chuckles, “Yeah. She can’t pronounce his name, so it’s always been Lala.”

Lando meets Y/n’s eye, a twinkle in them he had never seen before, “Cute, right?”

Y/n’s jaw drops, “Cute? Oh my god, it’s adorable!”

The four laugh together before Savannah steals Mila away, whines emitting from the little girl in the wake of being removed from Lando’s arms. Alone in the foyer, Lando turns to Y/n, “She made me realize I think I could do the whole dad thing.”

Y/n grins, “At this point, after witnessing that, I’m going to need you to do the whole dad thing.”

Lando throws his head back as he laughs. Pulling her into him by the waist and kissing her forehead, “Yeah? Kids? A year into our relationship?”

She smacks his chest, “Not now, love. But… in a few years…” She fixes the buttons on his shirt, “Probably.”

His hand over one side of her face, Lando kisses her hair forcefully, “Good. I love you too much not to experience that with you.”

Infamous giggling returns and Savannah yelling for Mila creates new chaos as the girl rounds the same corner once more, waddling quickly to her favorite uncle. When she gets to him, Lando is already waiting, knelt down, for her with his arms outstretched.

“Lala!” She screams again and Y/n is almost ready to tell Lando she wants one now.

Lando’s arms smother Mila as he kisses her head, shaking his head at Savannah when she tries to take her child.

“I got her, it’s fine.” He says, standing up once more.

Savannah tilts her head, “You sure?”

Lando nods softly with a smile, feeling Mila rest her head on his shoulder, “Yeah, I only get to see her so often anyway.”

Savannah shrugs, leaving the room. Lando moves to get to the living room where the rest of his family is, but Y/n stops him for a moment.

Mila’s eyes are closing, Y/n can see, so she speaks in a whisper, “Thank you for letting me meet your family. I love seeing you like this, Lan.”

His eyebrows furrow, “Seeing me like what?”

She kisses the side of his mouth, careful of the sleeping girl in his arms, “Just seeing you right where you belong. Where you’re most comfortable. This is your home, I’m just happy you’re letting me into it.”

Lando coos, “Baby, you are very quickly becoming my home.”

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littleredwolf · 1 year

Text

The Sleepover

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Words: 1,740

Summary: Bucky and Y/N have been dating for a while but he is yet to spend the night at her place. After breaking down barriers and allowing himself to drop his guard, Bucky soon decides it’s finally time to take the next step.

Warnings: Mentions of Bucky’s PTSD/recovery

A/N: This was inspired by the scene in TFATWS that shows Bucky waking up on his apartment floor. It’s such a visceral moment that sheds light on just how much trauma he carries with him, and I wanted to bring some lightness to that in the form of Y/N. Long story short, I just wanted our favourite super soldier to receive the comfort he so desperately needs and deserves.

Your heart skipped a beat as you heard the unmistakable roar of Bucky’s motorcycle pulling up outside, and you launched yourself off the couch to greet him. The two of you had been dating for a little over four months now but tonight was the first time he was staying over and you were practically vibrating with excitement.

You had met a year ago when you’d been paired together on a scouting mission in Bucharest, spending an intensive four weeks trailing a suspected arms dealer. After spending the better half of a month shacked up together in a dingy apartment, it was inevitable you'd open up to one another eventually. After months of skirting around your feelings and your friends encouraging you both to speak up, the two of you had eventually plucked up the courage to confess your feelings and the rest, as the saying goes, was history.

Bucky had been a true gentleman from the very beginning and had confessed early on that he'd wanted to take things slow - it had been a long time since he'd courted a woman and thanks to his coloured past he'd all but given up on the prospect of love, so the concept of a relationship was one he still sometimes struggled to get his head around.

You understood completely and had made every effort not to overwhelm him. You were fully aware of his trauma and the suffering he'd endured and endeavoured to provide him with a calm, safe space that allowed him to let his guard down in a way he was comfortable with.

Over the last few months he'd gotten much better with touch and now it was at a point where he practically craved it. Whether he was holding your hand, laying his head in your lap while you watched TV or wrapping his arms around you from behind while you were cooking dinner, Bucky loved touch and would always find an excuse to be near you or touching you in some way. You were more than happy to indulge his needs and fussed over him at every opportunity, joking that he was like an overgrown puppy when it came to affection.

You could have cried with how sweet he’d been when he’d kissed you for the first time - he was so careful as he’d tenderly pressed his lips to yours, as though expecting to break you, and in that moment it had dawned on you that he probably wasn’t used to being so gentle towards another human being.

It was so fulfilling witnessing this once broken man rebuilding and flourishing in his new life, and you felt truly honoured that he wanted you to be a part of it.

At the sound of a knock at the door your excitement grew to an almost immeasurable amount, and you took a moment to gather yourself before answering.

You’d lost count of the amount of times you’d gone to bed alone after spending an evening with Bucky, aching for him to be beside you, and although you understood and respected his reasons for not staying you couldn’t help the sting of loneliness that crawled in whenever he left at the end of an evening.

The sight of him standing in your doorway with an overnight bag slung over his shoulder was one you’d never dared to believe you’d witness, yet here he was, casually leaning against the doorframe as he waited for you to answer the door.

“Hey Buck,” you grinned, stepping forward to greet him with a kiss which he eagerly welcomed. Wrapping his arms around you, he guided you backwards into your apartment, dropping his bag and kicking the door to a close behind him. You were breathless when he pulled away, staring up at him in awe.

“Wow, that was…just, wow,” you marvelled, completely lost for words.

“I could hear your heartbeat so I thought I’d ease some of your nerves,” he smirked, and your cheeks reddened at his confession.

“Dammit Barnes, I told you not to use your super hearing on me. What if I was in the bathroom!?”

“You think I haven’t heard you pee before?” His laughter - one of your favourite sounds - echoed around the room as you shot him a horrified glare, and he quickly pulled you into his embrace to ease your embarrassment.

“I’m reconsidering this sleepover already,” you grumbled into his chest as you wrapped your arms around his waist, breathing in his leathery scent. He chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

“Come on doll, why don't you show me where I’ll be sleeping.”

You immediately perked up at his words - which you suspected was his plan - and with a grin you grabbed his bag and led him to the bedroom to unpack.

–

The evening passed like any other - you cooked dinner, played some board games, and ended the night cuddled up on the couch with a movie - but instead of falling asleep in Bucky's arms like you usually did, you felt wide awake.

Bucky switched off the TV as you began to tidy away your empty glasses and snacks, and an awkward silence hovered over the room as you both pondered how to navigate the rest of the evening.

"So, sweetheart…what do you usually do at this point?" Bucky broke the silence as he came to lean against the counter beside you.

"Well, usually, once you've left I go to bed," you replied, realising that the suggestion of going to bed may be misinterpreted and quickly adding, "but we don't have to do that yet if you're not tired."

Bucky's hand came to rest on your arm and you looked up to find him smiling reassuringly.

"It's okay, doll. I'm happy to go to bed," he murmured, trailing his hand down to entwine his fingers with yours and leading you to your room.

You were already in your pyjamas so you slipped straight under the covers while Bucky walked round to the other side of the bed and began undressing down to his boxers. You couldn't resist a sneaky peek while his back was turned, and as soon as you gave in to your temptation you regretted it immediately - Bucky's chiselled body was truly a sight to behold and one you were sad to have to tear your eyes away from.

"Would you like me to strike a pose?" Your boyfriend's playful voice broke your train of thought and you snapped your eyes to his, finding him smirking at you with his hands on his hips.

You'd been caught red handed, and red faced! Your cheeks were blazing and you pulled the covers up to hide your face as Bucky crawled in next to you. The embarrassment quickly dissolved once he was laying next to you, your mind suddenly too preoccupied to care, and you turned to face him with a grin.

"You're here," you said gleefully, melting into his open arms.

"I'm here," he echoed, his smile mirroring yours.

With a tender kiss he pulled you closer, tucking you under his chin in a firm but gentle embrace, and soon you found the tendrils of slumber pulling you into the sleepy abyss.

–

A few hours later you were awoken by a cold breeze at your back, and you reached your hand out in the darkness, heart sinking when an empty bed greeted you.

Had Bucky left? Had he changed his mind about spending the night? Had you imagined the whole thing?

Your thoughts teetered on a downward spiral as you sat up and turned on the bedside lamp, but your insecurity quickly turned to confusion when you looked to your side and found that not only was Bucky missing from your bed, but his pillow was too.

Eyebrows knitting together, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and got up to try and solve the mystery, but you didn't get very far before your foot bumped into something solid.

Bucky.

The super soldier sat bolt upright at your touch, wide eyes staring straight ahead, and for a moment you feared he'd forgotten where he was altogether. He soon came to his senses, however, shaking off any remnants of sleep and looking up at you with a sheepish expression.

"I, uh…sometimes find it hard to sleep," he offered, fidgeting with the blanket he must have grabbed from the couch. "Sorry, I'm still kinda getting used to the idea of a comfortable bed."

He chuckled dryly and your chest tightened at his doleful expression - here was this brave, strong man who had been through hell, and he was apologising!?

That just would not do.

"Oh, Buck," you cooed, sinking to your knees in front of him and holding his face in your hands. "You don't need to apologise for anything."

His eyes met yours and you hoped he could see the love and sincerity in them. The guards he worked so hard to keep up slipped just a tiny bit, and he gave you a tearful smile as he rested his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. Kissing the top of his head, you turned and reached up to grab your pillow off the bed, setting it on the floor beside his before reaching back again for the covers.

"You don't have to do this, doll. You won't be comfortable," he protested once he realised you were intending to join him, but you simply waved a hand to quiet him.

"We're in this together now baby," you softly reassured, adjusting the blanket so it covered the both of you. "I'm right here with you every step of the way."

You kissed him deeply and he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you down with him as he laid back on the hardwood floor. By no means was it comfortable and you knew in the morning your back would be aching, but none of that mattered while you were at Bucky's side.

He'd been fighting his demons for so long, and he'd likely be fighting them for a long time to come, but there was no way you were going to let him continue fighting them alone.

Tucked tightly into Bucky's side, your head on his chest and the sound of his heart beating in your ears, you fell back to sleep with surprising ease, and neither you, nor Bucky, woke again until morning.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky fluff #bucky imagine #james buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #james bucky barnes #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #winter soldier #avengers #sebastian stan #ptsd #trauma

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navybrat817 · 5 months

Text

We Don't Talk Anymore

Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: You and Bucky have an honest conversation, but it may not have a happy ending.

Word Count: Over 2.9k

Warnings: Angst, confessions, communicating, crying, feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning)

Previous Part of AU: Where Did the Time Go?

A/N: More Dreamboat and Butterfly from my Reconnect AU! Sorry in advance, lovelies. ❤️ Beta read by @whisperlullaby , but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

As long as you and Bucky had been friends, you rarely saw him nervous. It wasn’t an emotion he liked to show to many, even though he knew you’d never judge him. Watching him clench and unclench his jaw, the fingers on his left hand twitching before he ran them through his hair, you sensed just how anxious he was. Whatever he had to say had him on edge.

Which had you right there with him.

“Just tell me what's going on,” you urged, putting a hand on his arm in the hopes that your touch would calm him. “Please.”

Bucky swallowed as he looked at you. Why was it a gaze like he was saying goodbye? “You asked how I knew TJ stayed at your place,” he began, moving his arm to take your hand in his. “I went to see you after Steve’s party because I had something I wanted to say to you. Something I wanted to say for a long time.”

You took a step closer, your heart racing a bit faster. The combination of excitement and nerves blended together as you squeezed his hand. “What did you want to tell me?”

The next words out of his mouth would either break your heart or heal the unnecessary pain you put on yourself by staying silent for so long.

“That you weren’t just my best friend. You were so much more to me than that,” he said, bringing his palm to your cheek. You instantly leaned into his touch. “I wanted to tell you that I was crazy about you and wanted you to be my girl.”

Butterflies filled your stomach and it took you a second to find your voice. Was this a dream? “You wanted me to be your girl?” You asked softly, like if you said it any louder you’d wake up.

“Yeah,” he whispered, a sad smile on his face. “I never wanted anything more than that.”

It was like the ground shifted beneath your feet as you let the words sink in. The butterflies in your stomach went straight to your dizzy head. Bucky Barnes wanted you to be his girl. You longed to hear that he felt the same way you did. It didn’t feel real though.

You were waiting for the shoe to drop.

Because you were always just out of reach of Bucky. It was like you were a step behind, but you still wanted to follow. You wanted your paths to eventually merge the way you thought they were supposed to.

“Bucky, I…” you trailed off, trying to get your bearings. You wanted to admit that you felt the same way, but you needed the rest of his story first. “If you felt this way, why didn’t you say anything? Why were you with Dot?”

Why didn’t you just tell me?

A darkness clouded his eyes. “I didn’t feel like I was good enough for you. I never thought I deserved you. Because you’re the best person I know and I’m just me,” he said.

“Bucky, don't say that. You're more than good enough. You deserve the whole world,” you argued. Had you done something to make him think he didn’t deserve you? “I’ve always thought that.”

“When you tell yourself of something for so long you start to believe it. And that’s what I did: I convinced myself that I would never be the man you wanted or deserved to be with,” he said. It broke your heart that he didn’t see himself as worthy enough for you. “And the day I tried to tell you, I shouldn’t have listened to that voice in my head.”

“What happened?”

“TJ answered your door. Shirtless, messy hair. I immediately jumped to conclusions about why he was there,” he answered, his nostrils flaring. Was he replaying the image in his mind? “And when I asked if I could talk to you, he said you were sleeping because he kept you up all night. I left and didn't look back because I thought my assumption was right and something in me broke.”

Your mouth fell open as you realized what Bucky thought happened. “You thought TJ and I had sex,” you stated, wanting to shake him when he nodded. “We didn’t have sex. He kept me up all night talking.”

“I know that now. I should’ve known then. But I thought that was my sign that I was right all along and that I’d never have you,” he explained as tears sprang to your eyes. “You asked me why I dated Dot. It was because I settled. I thought that was what I deserved.”

“So, you thought TJ and I hooked up or were together or something and that was it? You just decided not to say anything to me. And you went to Dot because you knew that was a sure thing?” you asked louder than you intended to, an ugly feeling swirling in your gut. Was it bitterness? “You gave up on us.”

Was it actually giving up when you weren't together? In a way, yes. He bowed out without a word.

“Gave up on us?” he repeated, searching your face for something you couldn't place. “Wait, what are you saying? That you care about me, too?”

“Yes! Yes, I do. So much,” you admitted, hastily swiping at your cheeks as tears fell. “You’re the only guy I’ve ever wanted.”

“You wanted to be with me?” he asked above a whisper, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb.

You couldn't stop crying as you nodded, an ache in your heart spreading with each tear. “Yes. It has always been you. I was going to tell you how I felt, even at the risk of our friendship, but the day I planned to was the day you introduced Dot as your girlfriend. I knew it was too late.”

If someone asked you to visualize what both heartbreak and hope looked like, it would’ve been the expression on Bucky’s face. “This whole time…”

“This whole time,” you confirmed, swallowing the lump in your throat. “And I never stopped caring about you. I thought maybe I’d try and move on, but I couldn’t.”

“Oh, my God,” he whispered as his hand dropped, a shuddering breath leaving his lungs. “I'm sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t go to you before Dot. I should have.”

“Honestly, yeah, you should have. You didn't give me a chance to explain. You didn't even attempt to fight for me,” you accused, your eyes stinging as your vision blurred again. The floodgate was open and you were powerless to stop it. “Bucky, you gave up so easily at the first sign of something you thought was a problem. I wasn’t worth it to you, was I?”

Your chest tightened as you let the hurt sink in. You wanted to be angry, but you were only left tangled up in disappointment. That was on you for expecting too much, wasn't it?

“You are worth everything to me,” he said, stepping closer as you took a step back.

It sounded like a promise, but felt like a lie.

“If you really thought I was dating TJ, did you ever wonder why you never saw him around much after you went to my place? Or if I slept with him, did you question why I didn’t talk about him or bring him up?” you asked, feeling as defeated as he appeared to be. “Or was I already so far gone from your mind and heart that you just didn't stop to question it or care?”

“There's nothing I can say to fix it because I know I messed up. Saying 'I'm sorry' isn't enough because I shouldn't have given up before we started,” he said, daring to lift a hand to wipe more tears away. You allowed him to do so. “I never should've put you through that. You are the last person in the world I'd ever want to hurt and I hate myself for doing just that.”

“I don't want you to hate yourself,” you whispered, your chest steadily rising and falling. “But I am hurt.”

Like the cracks that formed in your foundation, his face crumbled at your admission. “Butterfly, all I want to do is show you that you mean the world to me and make up for not being there for you. It’s the whole reason I’m here.”

“So you want to fight for me now, but you didn’t fight for me then!”

“Because I’m a fucking coward!” he shouted, both of your eyes wide as he raised his voice. His shoulders slumped, like the rush of emotion went as quickly as it came. “I didn't think I could be with you and I still wanted you in my life even if we weren’t together. I couldn’t even do that right.”

You knew Dot had a huge hand in why you didn’t see Bucky as much, but it wasn’t all her fault.

“But why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” he asked gently before you could say anything else. “I wouldn’t have been with her if I had known. I shouldn’t have been with her in the first place.”

Hearing that didn’t stop the ache in your heart. If anything, the pain expanded. Bucky said he settled for Dot because he thought that was the kind of girl and relationship he deserved. You settled by staying silent. Part of you even felt bad for his ex, even if she knew he wasn’t fully invested. Maybe that was why she didn’t want you around. She really did know that he wanted you.

“Because I thought you were happy and that's all I ever wanted for you. Even if it wasn't with me,” you told him, something simmering in your gaze as your eyes narrowed. “Do you think I'm some kind of homewrecker? That I'd be selfish enough to tell you how I felt, with no indication that you even felt the same way, to ruin a relationship you told us you were happy in?!”

Loving someone sometimes meant having to sacrifice.

“No, I don’t think that of you at all. You’re the least selfish person I know.”

“Then what kind of person would I be to destroy your path to bring you back to mine?” you asked, not waiting for him to respond as you held up a hand. “And you know what? I agree that we wasted time. Two years wasted because we couldn't just talk to each other. Two years of seeing you in bits and pieces,” you continued, each word like a punch to the gut. “Two years of trying to figure out what the hell I did to push you away.”

He quickly shook his head. “You didn’t do anything. I-”

“You know, I've imagined so many different ways that we’d tell each other we cared for one another beyond friendship. I didn't think it would end with me crying,” you said, straightening up and trying to put on a brave face as you wiped your cheeks one last time. “So what now? Where do we go from here? We can't go back and fix it and I don't even know if I can trust you to not give up on me again. Because I never would have thought in a million years you wouldn't give me the benefit of the doubt.”

“You're right. We can't go back and I made a mistake by giving up before. I have no intention of doing that again,” he said. You wanted so badly to believe him. “And I have no right to ask anything of you, but please. Give me a chance to show that you can trust me.”

It broke your heart that he chose Dot over you so easily. You also understood what self-doubt could do to a person. How many times had you told yourself that Bucky would never see you beyond anything besides a friend? Could you completely fault him for settling?

You also wanted to trust him since you loved him.

“Give me a chance,” he begged as he leaned in, his lips a fraction away from yours. It was like you were sharing one breath. “Please.”

All you wanted was to kiss him. To tell him you’d be his. You almost closed the gap between you.

But you couldn’t do that tonight.

“I think I need to be alone for the rest of the night. I can't think clearly with you right in front of me,” you said, you resolve almost breaking when panic filled his eyes. “I'm sorry.”

The impulsive part of you practically screamed to jump in his arms and promise him forever, but you owed it to yourself to take a little time to reflect.

He swallowed a little. “Please, I-”

“I'm not saying 'no' to you. I'm not going to ask you to prove anything to me. I told you, I’m used to not being a first choice,” you smiled sadly, continuing before he could react to that comment. “And this isn't a test to see if you'll chase after me when I walk away. This is me asking you to give me space for the evening. If you really care about me as much as you say you do, you'll respect that.”

Bucky opened his mouth and shut it before he opened it again. His breathing became shallow as hurt and understanding showed on his face. “Whatever you need, Butterfly.”

“Thank you, Dreamboat,” you whispered, pulling free of his grasp. With a deep breath, you took your first few steps away from him. They were both the lightest and heaviest steps you ever took, your head held high despite your sinking heart. It both pained and healed you. “And thank you for talking to me,” you added when you stopped at the porch.

“I wish I would've talked to you sooner,” he said.

Your heart sank more at his wistful tone, the urge to comfort him taking over.

As you looked at him over your shoulder, you took in the sight of him in the moonlight. He seemed like a shell of himself as he stared at the ground with drooped shoulders. You didn't think you’d ever seen him look so lost. How did someone so strong to you appear so powerless?

And could you walk away with him in that state?

“We talked now. That means something,” you said, offering him a small smile when he lifted his head. The corner of his lip tugged in a tiny smile as well, but it fell quickly. It was a heartbreaking sight. “And Bucky?”

“Yeah?” He asked hopefully.

“My feelings for you haven’t changed,” you assured him as he let out a breath. The weight in your chest lightened at your admission, likely needing to say it as much as he needed to hear it. “If anything, they’re stronger because we finally talked. I just want you to know that.”

Even if you went your separate ways at the end of the week, Bucky would always be in your heart. You didn't have to be with him to know what you felt for him was real. You also didn’t want to try and carve him out because you considered yourself lucky to experience what love felt like, the good and the bad. Some would never know that feeling.

Bucky let out another breath and stood straighter, determination filling his eyes as he brushed his hair out of them. It was a far cry from his stance moments ago. Did he ignite a fire within himself?

Or did you light the match?

“My feelings haven’t changed either. And they won’t,” he promised. “I'll beg for you to be with me if that's what it takes, but I'm not giving up this time.”

Your heart raced faster, but you wouldn't let it deter you. “Maybe tomorrow we can figure out where we go from here,” you suggested. As much as you wanted to see Bucky grovel, you wouldn't make him do that. “Good night, Bucky.”

“Sweet dreams,” he whispered.

Like you asked, he made no move to follow.

You avoided the rest of the gang as you went straight to your room and allowed yourself to cry in peace on your bed. Your heart was still pounding in your chest as you reached for your pillow. When did your hand start shaking? When did your head begin to spin?

You could still feel Bucky’s touch on your cheek, his voice in your mind begging to give him a chance.

“What the hell am I going to do?” You asked out loud.

Leaving Bucky outside was one of the hardest things you had ever done and you wondered if you made the right choice to do so after his confession, but you were proud of yourself. You knew how he felt now and you opened up about your feelings as well.

As much as you loved him though, you had to sleep on it. Even if he didn’t care about Dot as much as he did for you, he was still with her for so long. You didn’t know how he intended to prove his feelings for you, but the determination you saw in his eyes told you there was hope for tomorrow. You would figure out the next step in your relationship.

Maybe you would even allow yourselves the happiness you deserve.

Together.

I know! 😭 I'm sorry, lovelies. Things will look up. Love and thanks for reading! 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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absurdthirst · 3 months

Text

Mafia Love {MobBoss!Joel Miller x PlusSized!F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 21.8k

Warnings: Drinks, murder, abduction, drugging, forced marriages, mentions fat phobia/fat shaming, insults, body image issues, food/eating, dirty talk, rough sex, oral sex (female and male receiving), safe words, choking, degradation/dirty talk, multiple orgasms, miscommunication, angry Joel, confessions of love

Comments: Assistant District Attorney, witness to a crime, you are forced into marriage with the head of the Miller crime family, Joel Miller. Hating how you are forced to save your family and tied to a man who could kill you, or worse, make you fall for him.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

"God, it's so good to just relax. I finished that big case and now I can let loose." You tell your friend Gianna whose birthday it is. She picks up her glass, clinking it against yours.

"Cheers to that." She grins, knowing how work takes over your life. It was inevitable, being a lawyer is hard work and you rarely get time to enjoy your personal life.

You finish your drink and stand up after grabbing your clutch, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." You tell Gianna.

"Do you want me to go with you?" She asks and you shake your head, "no. Enjoy yourself." You tell her, offering her a smile before you make your way through the gyrating crowd. It takes a few minutes but eventually, you find the bathrooms. Huffing at the ever present line for the ladies, you wait and check your emails. Eventually, you use the bathroom and check your makeup. Once exiting the bathroom, the line has disappeared and you frown, suddenly feeling a little sick. The exit door is right there and you need air. You stumble out of the heavy door and that's when you see the man drop to the ground, blood splattered everywhere and you try to scream but nothing comes out. The man holding the gun is surrounded by a few others who move fast to rush after you but you manage to catch your nails in the exit door before it closes and you fling it open, rushing through the crowds, pushing your way through until you run out the front of the club. There's a taxi passing and you grab it, getting in and exhaling shakily, tears stinging in your eyes. You just witnessed a murder. It's too much to handle and you cover your mouth to silence the sob. You've seen a lot during your cases but nothing firsthand like that. You fumble to grab your phone from your clutch so you can call the police. "Fuck." You choke when you discover the battery is dead. "Shit." You tilt your head back to rest it on the seat, knowing you will have to phone the police tomorrow.

****

The next morning, you wake up with a headache, both from the booze and the horror you witnessed. The way the man's brains scattered on the concrete will stay with you forever. You grab your phone, biting your lip, and trying to decide if you should phone the police. You work for the DA's office after all. Surely they will believe you. You falter, knowing your story is ridiculous. You had a lot to drink, so was it real? Or part of some booze-induced nightmare? You aren't sure. Deciding to go for a walk to clear your head and get some coffee, you get up and get dressed. The air is cool and fresh and you are walking through Boston Commons when the car pulls up beside you. Two men get out and you try to run but it's too late. They grab you, dragging you into the black SUV and before you can scream, the needle is pushed into your neck. Your eyes roll into the back of your head and you wonder if you're going to die.

****

“Goddamnit Tommy.” Joel growls, curling his hand around his bourbon glass so hard it’s a wonder that the crystal doesn’t shatter. Glaring at his younger brother and wondering why his mother cursed him by making him promise to look after him on her deathbed. “I’ve fuckin’ told you about keeping that shit private.” Tommy’s latest incident is his most reckless yet and now they are in hot water. “She’s a goddamn D.A. This wouldn’t have happened if you had kept it to the warehouse like I fuckin’ told you to.”

Tommy shakes his head, “we were tryin’ to track him down. He’s a goddamn state senator. He owes us millions. He didn’t give a fuck when he was benefiting from our networks, gettin’ drugs and weapons.” Tommy reasons, “I was impatient. He owed us too much.” Tommy growls and Joel hisses.

“This is the fuckin’ shit that sent us runnin’ from Texas.” Joel growls, knowing he’s spent years trying to establish the new network in the north east after leaving Texas once his mama had died and left the estate to him.

“She won’t be a problem. The guys are getting her now and there’s a solution.” Tommy says and Joel snorts, “we ain’t killin’ someone else. Especially a D.A. We will be raided before you can say lawyer.”

Tommy shakes his head, “marriage. A spouse can’t testify against their husband.” He says and Joel scoffs, “last I remember, brother. You’re married to Maria.” He says and Tommy shakes his head, “not me. You. You marry her.”

Joel is speechless, staring at Tommy like he’s lost his mind for a few moments and expecting the bastard to start laughing like it was some kind of joke. He doesn’t. “No.” He spits, hating the mere idea of marriage and being tied to someone again.

“Think about it.” Tommy jumps in again, leaning over and clapping him on the shoulder. “She can’t testify about something that happens with her husband. She can’t be coerced into giving them anything.”

Joel snorts, “but she can be coerced into marriage? Tommy, I swear our mother dropped you on your head.” The bad thing is that it would make his problem go away and that makes him frown even deeper.

“She’s pretty. I looked her up. She’s your type. She - she has a sister and a niece. We could threaten them. Coerce her into marrying you and then when the case is dropped, you can divorce her. It’s a great idea, even you gotta admit that. She won’t be able to testify against our family and we continue doing our shit. The fuckin’ Firefly assholes in New York would love to see us in the clink.” Tommy growls just as Tess walks into Joel’s office.

“You have a delivery waiting for you in the garage.” She says, confused and suspicious when Tommy looks back at Joel.

“Come on.” Joel gruffs and the younger Miller brother follows him through the house.

“Go away.” Joel growls at Tess when she tries to follow.

****

Your head aches, your eyes feel heavy and you try to open them, hearing male voices and you suddenly remember what happened. Grunting, you try to move but your hands are tied behind your head and your eyes are blindfolded. “Wha- where- I” You rasp, throat so dry that you can’t even speak.

Joel stares at you, his dark expression not giving away his inner thoughts. Hands crossed over his chest, he knows he looks imposing. Or he will look imposing when your blindfold is eventually taken off. You are pretty. Just on the other side of plump, you are curvy and lush in all the right places. He admires you for not crying immediately when you stiffen, realizing that you are being held captive. He nods at Tommy, giving him permission to remove the blindfold.

You blink rapidly when the blindfold is removed and you look up to see the man you witnessed kill someone and the other is broader, his eyes dark and intimidating and his arms crossed, making his muscles bulge. He has gray hairs weaving through his locks, a scruffy beard, and you know he is capable of killing you with a flick of his wrist. You swallow, throat so dry with fear and you look between the men. “I- are you going to kill me?” You gasp, terrified about what’s going to happen to you.

The naked fear in your eyes gets to Joel. He doesn’t have a problem killing, he’s done plenty of it. Except he’s having a hard time imagining you laying there lifeless. Tommy steps forward. “You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.” He tells you apologetically, pulling his gun out from behind his back.

Joel knows his impatient brother will pull the trigger. “You’re gonna marry me.” Joel announces. “Or I’m going to kill your sister and your niece.”

You are shaking, the gun pressed against your temple is still there as the older one declares you’re going to marry him. “You- you - oh my God. Why- why marry - why do you want to marry me?” You ask, voice shaky and your lower lip trembling as the one you saw kill lowers his gun and you inhale deeply, still scared but relieved the gun isn’t aimed at you.

“I- I wouldn’t be married to you. You are the one who I witnessed murder someone.” You huff at Tommy, not wanting to be lectured about the law.

“It’s still family and if I go down, so does Joel. You won’t be able to testify against the family.” Tommy argues and you look up at Joel when he growls, “enough of the law bullshit, yes or no? I have men outside of your sister’s place in Maine. 1256 Florence Lane. Your niece goes to Bellview Elementary?” Joel rattles off and your eyes widen, knowing that these are dangerous men. You can’t risk your family. You will figure out how to escape. For now, you just need to comply.

“Fine.” You spit at Joel, “I’ll marry you. If you kill me, there’s no guarantee you won’t go after my family anyway. I need to make sure they are okay.” You barter, knowing that this is your reality until you figure out your next moves.

He watches you for a moment and then nods. “Fine.” He agrees, straightening slightly. “We will get married in two days. I will have my men pack up your things and bring them to the house.” He tells you without any emotion in his voice. “Tommy, take her to the blue suite and let her clean up. Get her some breakfast.”

You are in shock, reeling from the news that you are going to marry a man you don’t even know. Nothing beyond his name and his job. The younger one, Tommy, unties you and grabs your arm. “Maybe not so rough.” You huff as he guides you out of the garage and through the house. It’s beautiful. Not what you expected at all and you know you aren’t in the city. You stumble as he drags you along the halls until you are shoved into a room, it’s blue like the name dictates and you take a moment to admire the decor. There’s no way two men decorated this home. “Can I call-?” The door is slammed and locked and you slump against the wall as tears sting in your eyes. You’re trapped.

“Goddamnit.” Joel huffs, walking into his office and dropping down into his chair and rubbing his eyes. The fucking Fireflies are all over his ass and FEDRA was breathing down his neck.

“What’s wrong with you?” A sarcastic snort comes from a chair off to his left and he sighs, opening his eyes to find Ellie staring at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Bored.” Ellie shrugs, spinning one of the chairs he has in his office. Her legs kicking out as she grins. “What’s died and crawled up your ass?” She asks him, tilting her head with teenage curiosity that tends to drive Joel insane.

“Nothing you need to worry about.” He grunts, looking at the girl of one of his former Lieutenants. He had gotten killed, and Joel had taken responsibility for the girl. He sighs, knowing he should warn her about you. “There’s a woman gonna be living here. Don’t bother her.”

Ellie’s eyes widen. “A woman? For what? For who?” She asks, ever curious and wondering if she’s going to be with one of the girlfriends or if she is going to be a worker. “Me.” Joel says and Ellie can’t help it, she throws her head back and laughs. “You? You? Please. Don’t joke like that Joel. You’re gonna give me a heart attack.” She sasses and Joel rolls his eyes.

“She’s going to be my wife.” He explains and Ellie nearly falls out of her chair. “Wife?”

“Yes, wife.” He hisses irritably, wondering how the fuck he could get her to shut up. He should have never said a word. “It’s a temporary thing, so don’t get attached.” He warns her, knowing that despite his warning, Ellie will do what she pleases and he can almost guarantee that as soon as she leaves his office, she will go find you.

Ellie shakes her head, “you? With a wife? Oh boy.” She stands up and slaps her knees. “Well, I’ll see you around.” She says, determined to find you and discuss the fact that you are going to marry Joel. Joel grunts and she swiftly exits his office, running through the house until she hears sobbing. She knocks on the door and you shuffle back, stopping your crying to worry if someone is going to kill you. “Who- who are you?” You ask the teenager, confused by her appearance.

“I’m Ellie.” She announces, walking in nonchalant and dropping into a chair to face you. “And you’re the woman Joel is going to marry. Why? He’s so fucking old? And he’s…..Joel.” She thinks you’re pretty, even though it’s been obvious that you’ve been crying. “That doesn’t mean you have to cry about it though.” She looks at you curiously, waiting for you to answer.

“Joel is…your dad?” You ask and she shakes her head, “no, oh hell no. No. He - he was my dad’s boss. My dad was killed in a car accident when he was chasing someone. It - my mom died when I was born so yeah…tragedy kid. Joel felt sorry for my orphan ass and took me in.” She shrugs, “not a bad place to be taken in.” She gestures to the bedroom, “although I’m not Sarah.” She murmurs and you frown, “who’s Sarah?”

Ellie curses, “oops. Said too much. Maybe ask Joel. Yeah so, uh, why are you marrying Joel?” She asks and you sniff, wiping your eyes.

“Because he’s gonna kill my family if I don’t.” You whimper and Ellie snorts, “Joel might seem like a bear and sure he’s dangerous, he’s killed, but it didn’t used to be that way. His uncle was actually in charge of the Miller household and Joel used to be a contractor but when - well, ask Joel about Sarah and Helen, uh, and yeah, he wasn’t always this way according to men I’ve spoken to.” Ellie explains and you realize you have even more questions.

“I - I can’t risk my family. Even if I have to sacrifice myself.” You murmur and Ellie nods in understanding. “Well, welcome to the fam.” She grins, “I like you already.” She declares and you offer her a soft smile, “thanks. It was nice to meet you.” You tell her and she nods, backing out of the room.

You sit there for another few moments before you decide that if you can get to a phone, you can phone your sister and warn her then maybe you can escape. You creep to the door, listening and when you don’t hear footsteps, you make your way into the hall, figuring there must be a house phone somewhere and your guess is the kitchen. You sneak downstairs, trying to find the kitchen in the ridiculously large house and you grin in triumph when you find the kitchen is empty and there’s a phone on the wall. Picking it up, you dial your sister’s number that you have memorized for emergencies and it starts to ring.

The light on Joel’s desk phone lights up and he sees that the kitchen phone is in use. He had expected you to try to call your sister. He picks up the handset and speaks into the phone. “If you tell her, our deal is off and she becomes a liability.” He growls into the phone, listening to it ring once more and then the sound of your sister’s voice comes over the line, answering.

Your heart pounds when your sister answers and the urge to call for help is on the tip of your tongue but Joel’s growled warning echoes and you greet your sister. “This isn’t your cell?” She asks and you clear your throat.

“It died. I just - I, uh, I’m using a friend’s phone. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” You say and she is suspicious.

“Whyyy? I love you but you’re so busy with work. You never call.” She says and you hate that she’s right.

“I was thinking of you guys and wanted to see if you’re doing well.” You lie slightly and your sister smiles against the phone, “we are doing good. The brat has a spelling test tomorrow so she’s been studying.” She says affectionately and you grin against the phone. Your niece gets everything she wants but she’s a good kid, brat has been her nickname since she was a baby.

“Good. I’ll, uh, I’ll have to take some time off to come see you guys.” You say, tears stinging in your eyes because you know that won’t be likely, especially if Joel kills you.

“That sounds good. Just let me know. Oh shit. I gotta go. The cat just got out.” She curses and you smile, knowing the kitten always tries to escape from the photos she texted you.

“I’ll talk to you later. I love you.” You tell her and she snorts, “love you too. Talk later.” The line goes dead and you lean against the wall, inhaling deeply and glad that your family are alive. You have to keep them safe. They are all you have left.

“Come to my office.” Joel hangs up the phone and then stares at it for a moment. He knows you are upset. He knows you would rather do anything but marry him, and he really doesn’t want to marry you. But he will in order to make sure that Tommy doesn’t go to prison. He leans back in the chair and waits for you to arrive, not exactly sure what he is going to say to you.

Your hands tremble as you set the phone down. You don’t know where Joel’s office is and try a few doors until the double doors open and Joel stands there, face like thunder. He gestures for you to walk inside and you do, silently praying to whoever will hear you that he won’t kill you right now. You decide to stand tall when you’re in his office, not wanting to die a coward if he does kill you. “Ellie unlocked my room.” You declare, wanting him to know how you got out, “and I wanted to make sure you kept your word that my sister is safe.”

He knows that silence intimidates, so he doesn’t say a word, just watches you. Waiting until you squirm slightly and start to speak again. “After we are married, you can have your phone back.” He decides. “Call her everyday. You keep your end of the bargain, I’ll keep mine.”

You cross your arms, “how do I know you won’t just kill me anyway?” You ask and Joel steps closer to you, looming over you and you inhale sharply as his dark eyes meet yours.

“I may be a monster but I am a man of my word.” He promises and you nod, swallowing harshly.

“Are you- do you expect us to have - once we are married, do you expect sex?” You ask, wondering what he wants from you.

Joel snorts, insulted by the horrified expression on your face. “No, darling.” He sneers, rolling his eyes. “You don’t have to fuck me. I’ll make sure that I satisfy my primitive urges so I don’t drag you off by the hair to fuck you.” He knows he’s being harsh, but it’s better that you just steer clear of him rather than trying to get to know him.

You blink, tears stinging in your eyes as you feel unexpectedly rejected by the gruff mafia boss. You understand, he probably has a line of beautiful women waiting to fuck him and you’re…you. “Right well, I guess we both know where we stand. I’ll head back to my room. You’re having my things brought here? How do you- wait, dumb question.” You stop yourself with a humorless chuckle as you step away from him to head towards the door. “I need to call my work too. Tell them I’m sick or - or something.”

Joel considers telling you no, but he is aware of how seriously you are taking his threat. “Fine.” He motions towards his desk as he wonders why you suddenly teared up. You should be jumping for joy that he promised not to touch you. “Make the call right here.” He demands.

You nod, walking over to his desk and you pick up the phone to dial the D.A’s office. “The line is untraceable before you try anything.” Joel tells you and you nod. The receptionist answers and you ask to be put through to the office. You tell your team that you have to go to your sisters. Family emergency and you don’t know when you’ll be back. The excuse is flimsy but you’re hoping Joel and his family will let you go once enough time has passed. Your team wishes your sister well and you put the phone back in the cradle.

“I didn’t tell them anything.” Your eyes meet Joel’s, your back straight in defiance as you ponder your future here. You won’t let him walk all over you.

“I heard.” He assesses your fatigued look, the puffy, red rimmed eyes and the way that your eyes narrow when you think he’s not paying attention. He strides over to his desk and pulls open a drawer, pulling out a bottle of aspirin and setting it down before opening another drawer and pulling out a crystal glass to take over to his bar and get a bottle of water out of the fridge. He pours you a double whiskey and brings it and the water over to set down beside the aspirin. “Hair of the dog.” He tells you. “Helps with the hangover and the drugs they used on you.”

You are suspicious of him suddenly being so nice but then you realize that he probably doesn’t want you to hate him when you’re going to be living in his house. You’re going to be his wife for the foreseeable. “Thanks.” You open the bottle of aspirin, knowing you should be concerned about the pills, but the man could’ve shot you. You don’t think poisoning you is his style. You grab the whiskey, downing it as the reality of being his wife crushes you. You always imagined you’d marry for love, not to keep alive. “Thanks.” You say again as you set the crystal glass down.

“Are you hungry?” He had given his housekeeper, who normally cooks for him, the day off since he didn’t know how you would react. But if you are hungry, he won’t let you starve. There are plenty of nights he makes himself an egg sandwich when he works late. Or the kid wakes up hungry and demands he make something.

You bite your lip, “I, uh, I usually skip breakfast. I can just grab a granola bar or an apple.” You shrug, not wanting to put him out and you shouldn’t eat a lot if your wedding is in a couple of days. You’re certain he wants a beautiful wife, even if it’s a fake one.

Joel frowns, and the silence between you is enough that he can hear your stomach growl. “Right.” He huffs, shaking his head. “Follow me.” He demands, striding towards the door of his office and throwing it open so he can take you back to the kitchen.

You follow him through the house, downstairs and you see several men roaming the estate. When you enter the kitchen, he gestures for you to sit down. “Seriously Joel, I don’t need a big lunch. I- I should be making you something. Seeing as I’m supposed to be your wife in a couple of days.”

“You can cook for me then.” He tell you shortly, turning towards the large stainless steel commercial fridge. “Unless you plan on poisoning me.” He huffs, looking over his shoulder as he opens the door. He’s joking, but his voice is still pitched down and gruff.

You shift to sit down at the counter and watch him. You never imagined that a man like Joel would be able to cook anything. You watch his muscles move under his button down and you know you shouldn’t find him attractive. You should be revolted by him but you aren’t. He grabs some things out of the fridge. “Any allergies? Anything you hate?” He asks and you shake your head, “no. I’m pretty easy to cook for.” You tell him and he nods, walking over to the pantry. “You have a beautiful home.” You tell him, trying to make some conversation.

“It’s a house.” He offers, pulling out some things and then turning back towards you. “It’s safe. It’s imposing.” He adds, smirking slightly. He doesn’t mention that it’s not really a home. Not in that traditional sense. He hasn’t had a home for a long time. “Pasta is good for a hangover.” He tells you. “That okay?”

You bite your lip, knowing you shouldn’t but you are starving. “Sure. That sounds good.” You offer him a small smile, grateful that he doesn’t seem to want to kill you anymore. “I met Ellie. She seems…a handful.” You chuckle softly, already sensing that he doesn’t seem like a man who has patience.

He rolls his eyes. “She’s a pain in my fucking ass.” He grumbles, even though he would kill for that kid without any hesitation. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t annoy the shit out of him every chance she gets. He pulls out a cutting board and a knife to start chopping garlic and onions.

You can hear the affection even if he grumbles and that calms you a little. A bad man wouldn’t take in an orphaned teenager. “She said you seem like a bear but you didn’t used to be this way.” You tentatively ask, “she loves you. So…so I don’t feel as in danger as before. I trust her.”

“You trust a little brat you met for five minutes?” He asks, raising a brow as he pauses in the mincing. “Interesting. Is that a skill you picked up in the D.A.’s office?”

You snort, “I’m a good judge of character. I’ve dealt with the worst of the worst cases and I have a good gut instinct.” You defend yourself and Joel turns to look at you, knife in hand.

“And me? Do you trust me?” He demands with a frown.

You lean closer, refusing to be intimated. “If you wanted to kill me, you’ve had several changes including now. I don’t trust you but I know you’re not going to kill me. Otherwise why would you marry me?”

You have a point and he nods once before he looks back at his task. Sautéing the onions and garlic in olive oil, he adds crushed tomatoes and fresh basil from the garden that Ellie decided to grow in the backyard. It was more accurate that the gardener grew it, but she likes to take the credit for it. “It would save me a lot of headache if I did kill you.” He tells you, his back to you at the stove.

You stare at him, watching him cook and finding it horrifically sexy. You should not be attracted to this man, this self proclaimed monster, but he’s so capable and you find yourself trying to reason with kicking out every moral you have. “I- I agree it would.” You don’t argue that point. It would be easier to kill you. “However, the Boston PD aren’t dumb. They will find evidence of the state senator's murderer. It’s a big case, high profile. They won’t let it slide.”

“They won’t have an eye witness.” He reminds you, turning towards you and cocking an eyebrow at you in challenge. “Might even be a good thing that my wife is a D.A.” He chuckles roughly.

You huff, crossing your arms on the counter. “They will check cameras.” You counter and Joel snorts, “you think we aren’t professionals, darlin’?” He asks and you bite your lip.

“What’s the end game here? Keep me hostage as your wife until when?” You ask and Joel turns to look at you.

“When enough time passes and we know they have dropped the case.” He says, “maybe you can even help with that.” He raises his eyebrows and you scoff, “I can’t do that. I- I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I dismissed a case without cause.”

“There is cause.” Joel reminds you. “Tommy got rid of a piece of shit. Who cares? He was embezzling money from the state. He deserved to die for lying to the people he claimed to serve.”

“And he deserved to die for that?” You counter and Joel scoffs, “well and the human trafficking. I deal in drugs and weapons. People decide to use those things whether I smuggle them or not but I draw the fucking line at little kids, at women. No way. I’ll kill anyone who deals with that shit.” Joel growls and your eyes widen, unaware of the senator’s dark side.

“Shit. I- I didn’t know.” You whisper, staring across the room.

“Now you do.” He tells you bluntly, salting the pasta water and humming when it starts to boil. “What you do with that information, that’s up to you.”

"Well, nothing I can do if I'm married to you, is there?" You counter but you decide that you could tip off a journalist, expose the senator. You know it's bad to speak ill of the dead but the people deserve to know the truth. You watch Joel continue cooking until a bowl of pasta is in front of you. "This looks - wow." You blink rapidly and look up at Joel who sits beside you with his own bowl. "It looks amazing." You compliment him just as a woman walks into the kitchen, her eyes immediately narrowing when they land on you and Joel.

“Joel.” Tess frowns slightly but her lips twist into an insincere smile. “Who is this? And why is there a D.A. Attorney sitting in your kitchen eating pasta?” She knows who you are, she just wants to know why you are here.

Joel says your name, and then points to Tess. “This is Tess. She’ll be here sometimes.”

You can see from her expression that there’s more than that between them. You set your fork down and stand up, offering your hand to Tess who narrows her eyes at you and doesn’t shake your hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” You say, your smile falling a little and you step back towards the counter to sit back down.

“We are getting married.” Joel says nonchalantly and Tess sputters, “married? What the fuck, Joel? What - when - why?” She asks, confused by the announcement.

“Two days.” Joel flicks his eyes up to Tess and then back down to his food. He cares about her, how could he not care about a woman who had been with him through his brutal assumption of power? Still, things are easy with Tess, uncomplicated in the way he likes although he knows she’s always wanted more. “Tommy.” He tells her, as if that will explain the reasoning behind the marriage.

Tess scoffs, “he got you into this? I should’ve known. Fuck me, Joel. She’s a D.A. She’s gonna - this is bullshit.” Tess shakes her head and Joel sighs, not wanting to get into this.

You clear your throat, “I witnessed something I shouldn’t have. I- I am marrying Joel so I can’t testify against the family. This is to protect the family.” You reason for Joel, knowing you’re still struggling to come to terms with it but you don’t want Tess to be angry with Joel when he could’ve killed you.

“To protect the family.” Tess snorts and shakes her head. “Right. This is going to go well.” She says and arches a brow at you. “Do you know what you are getting into with him?” She asks, hooking her thumb towards Joel. “What he’s done and what he’s capable of?”

Joel grunts, narrowing his eyes. “Tess.” He growls, annoyed that she’s trying to scare you off of this.

You straighten your spine, “I don’t, but I think I can imagine. I know the Millers aren’t good men but my family is on the line and I can’t allow them to be hurt because of me. Whatever he has done or who he is, we are getting married and that’s that. I- I understand if you’re hurt but this isn’t my choice. I have to do this.” You plead with her to understand where you are coming from.

Tess’s gaze slides towards Joel questioningly and he shakes his head. “It’s done.” He tells her. “Don’t ask any more questions.” He grunts and nods towards you. “Finish your dinner.”

Tess can’t help but lash out, “fine. Marry the fat bitch. Don’t come crying to me when it all goes wrong.” Tess hisses and you are about to take another bite of pasta when you pause, setting the fork down as Tess spins and makes her way out of the kitchen.

Joel sighs and shakes his head. “Don’t listen to her. She’s pissed because she is the one who spends nights in my bed.” He reveals. You nod but you don’t pick up your fork to eat. It pisses him off because he knows that you didn’t eat enough to assuage that hunger. Cursing under his breath, he spins your chair around and reaches for you. Hoisting you out of your chair and onto his lap.

You squeak when he drags you into his lap. “Joel!” You gasp, shifting to move off of his lap but his arm wraps around your waist, keeping your back against his chest. “You need to eat.” He says and you shake your head, “I’m sure someone in your position wants a perfect wife. You don’t - I can grab an apple and go back to my room.”

Joel picks up the fork and spears some of the pasta and holds it up to your mouth. “Eat.” He grunts at you. “I don’t care about having a perfect wife. You are fine just like you are. Soft and lush.” His cock twitches underneath you.

You are shocked at the compliment, your eyes darting to his as you take the bite from the fork. His hand rests on your thigh and you swallow obediently, eyes closing for a second. The very act of him feeding you has your stomach twisting with arousal. It’s wrong. So wrong, yet you start to get wet as he feeds you bite after bite, his hand squeezing your thigh every now and then.

“Good girl.” He tells you when the plate is empty and you’ve finished every bite. He squeezes your thigh and pats it once he drops the fork back onto the plate. “Don’t ever starve yourself. You eat and eat what you want.”

“Yes sir.” You murmur, your eyes meeting his and you see the years of anguish in them. You want that to melt away. You wonder what he’d look like if he was happy, what he looks like when he smiles. You get so lost in your thoughts you don’t even realize you’ve leaned in to kiss him. The man you should hate for taking everything away from you yet he just showed you more kindness than most.

He sees that you want to kiss him. Lost in the moment, the intimacy and he knows you will regret it. Joel pulls back and pats your leg again. “Good.” He tells you gruffly and watches you pull back in shock at yourself. He knows it was the right move to pull back, to not take advantage of the situation. Of you.

You blink, shocked he didn’t kiss you back. You feel sick with embarrassment. He must think you’re pathetic. Trying to kiss the man who has kidnapped you and is holding you hostage. You shift off of his lap, clearing your throat. “I’m gonna - I need to - oh God.” You gasp out and rush out of the kitchen, face burning with mortification and you know he could take advantage of that moment. Any hand you could’ve played is gone and he holds all the cards.

Joel sighs as he stares at the doorway that you disappeared through. He knows you are upset now, apparently he had been supposed to kiss you. He doesn’t know why you are upset since you had appeared horrified about sleeping with him. He stands and starts to clean up, wondering if he will see you again tonight.

You keep in your room for the rest of the day, surprised when your things are placed in your room. Boxes and suitcases. It seems to be everything you own except your furniture. You sigh and start to get out your essentials, placing them in the en suite bathroom. Dinner is left at your door after you made it clear you weren’t coming to dinner and you eat in peace, contemplating the fact that you’ll be Mrs. Joel Miller in 48 hours. You think about why you wanted him to kiss you. Sure, he’s attractive with his gruffness and the gray scattered throughout his hair and beard. You shouldn’t want him to kiss you. You should hate him. The confusion has your head hurting until you fall asleep on top of the sheets, too exhausted to even get under them.

Joel wakes up early. Groaning slightly at the stiffness in his joints and the aches and pains that come with getting older. He sits up and looks over his shoulder at the empty bed. Tess didn’t come back last night, so he had slept alone. Actually preferred it that way considering he didn’t know what to do with you. He opens the door to the bedroom out onto the back patio and decides he will take a swim to limber up before getting to work.

You wake up, back aching from sleeping in the same position all night and you glance around, disorientated until it hits you what happened. You sigh and shift to sit up, stretching. You realize how trapped you are here and you groan when you remember the way you tried to kiss Joel. Today, you’ll stay in your room. You shift to look out of the window after opening the curtains and that’s when you see Joel about to get into the pool. Your jaw drops at his broad shoulders, the way he rolls them and stretches his strong arms. “Shit.” You hiss, understanding why Tess was so pissed off at you becoming his wife. You wouldn’t want to give that up either. Not that she’s giving it up. You know Joel will still sleep with her even after you are married. With that thought, you head into the bathroom to get ready for a day of unpacking.

After Joel showers and dresses, he heads into the kitchen, seeing Ellie sitting at the counter but you are nowhere to be found. His housekeeper is cooking breakfast and he huffs. “Make enough for another tray.” He tells her, knowing that you will skip eating if he allows you too. He will bring you the food himself and make sure you eat.

You get dressed and ready and decide to stay in your room. Just because you have to marry him doesn’t mean you need to be with him constantly. You sigh when there’s a knock at the door and open it to find Joel there with a tray. “I brought you breakfast.” He says awkwardly and you step ahead so he can enter the room.

“Thank you.” You murmur, watching him for a few moments.

Joel sets the tray down and corrects the small flower vase that had tipped over with a single flower on it. Wondering why the housekeeper had added it. When he looks up, he sees that you are watching him and drops his hands to rub on his pants. Almost nervous and hating how you make him feel that way. “I’m sorry for yesterday.” He grunts. “I should have- I know you just - that you regret that. Just don’t worry about it. I’m not going to touch you since you seem so worried about it.” He wants to punch himself for sounding like an idiot. “Anyway…eat.”

You don’t say anything, you just nod and watch him as he shuffles towards the door. “Joel.” You murmur and he turns to look back at you, “I don’t regret it. I regret how you reacted and that’s it - I made a fool of myself.” You confess and he nods, not saying anything else as he exits your room and shuts the door behind him.

Joel strides down the hall and stops a few steps from the door and sighs. His shoulders dropping and his head hanging slightly. You didn’t make a fool of yourself, and he wanted to kiss you. But he doesn’t want you to kiss him, touch him, if you are doing it because you think it will keep you safe.

****

You exhale shakily, glancing at Ellie who is standing near you outside the courtroom doors. You are dressed in the only white summer dress you own and you are nervous to marry Joel. You phoned your sister this morning to make sure she was okay and you reminded yourself that you are doing this for them. No one else. You are doing this to keep them safe. You inhale deeply when the doors are opened and you walk fast down the “aisle” to get to Joel. There’s no music, no flowers, nothing fancy. Just you and Joel alongside Ellie and Tommy as your witnesses.

The magistrate obviously knows you, his eyes widened when he had seen your name on the marriage license and Joel is worried. He might ask you something and you tell him that you are being forced into the marriage. He frowns as he waits and when the door opens, he turns to see you walk down the small path to him, looking lovely and perfect in a white dress that sways when you walk and he thinks you are beautiful.

You recognize Garrett who is officiating the wedding and you offer him a smile as you move to stand beside Joel. Your sister and your niece flash in your mind and you greet Garrett. “It’s good to see you.” You offer and his eyes dart between you and Joel. “I- I didn’t know you were planning on getting married.” He says and you swallow, giving him a shaky smile, “life is unexpected. It has been a whirlwind.” You confess and he nods, looking down at the paperwork.

Joel shifts slightly, taking your hand and squeezing it. Both in warning and because he wants to touch you. “You look beautiful.” He tells you quietly, although he knows the magistrate can hear him. “I’m a lucky bastard.”

You know he is acting on Garrett’s behalf to make this seem real and you swallow harshly, “you look good too.” You murmur, liking the way his hair is slicked back and the button down he is wearing. You turn back to Garrett who begins the service and you stare at Joel, trying to figure out what he’s thinking about.

Joel wants to rip that dress off your body and see if you are as soft and sweet as you look. If your thighs are pillowy when they squeeze his head as he feasts on you. If your ass jiggles as he slams into you again and again. If you would look as wrecked as he imagines as he fucks you. His jaw clenches, reminding himself that this is a wedding in name only, although there is a bridal set in his pocket that easily costs more than your last five years as a D.A. “You ready?”

You nod, knowing you have no choice. You have to protect your family. You need to do this no matter how much you hate getting married to a man you don’t love, a man you don’t know. “Yes. I’m ready.” You whisper and Garrett starts the service. You repeat the vows, the words feeling heavy on your tongue, and you listen to Joel gruffly repeat the vows. You aren’t expecting a ring so you’re surprised when he pulls the box out and hands it to Tommy after taking out the ring he slides onto your finger a moment later.

Joel repeated his vows, remembering another wedding a lifetime ago and he concentrates on getting the ring on your finger so he doesn’t hurt you. The magistrate tells him that he can kiss his bride and Joel doesn’t waste any time pulling you into his arms and bending you back while he kisses you with a passion that surprises even him.

You gasp into his mouth and your palm is on his chest, feeling his beating heart as he steadies you and you are breathless, lips tingling from the kiss. Garrett clears his throat and offers you his congratulations. “Thank you.” You murmur, glancing back at Ellie who sticks her thumbs up to you. Tommy offers you a stiff nod and your hand shakes a little as you sign the marriage certificate.

Joel bends down to sign the certificate after you. “I want this filed as soon as possible.” He tells the magistrate with a small wink. “Want it legal and for her to be able to change her name.” As customary, he slides the man a large payment for his services, and turns towards you to pull you to his side. “Isn’t that right, honey?”

You smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Yes baby. Can’t wait to be a Miller.” You lie, knowing this will end badly. You hope Joel will let you leave before you get too deep into this. Garrett nods, taking the envelope and pocketing it in his jacket. “Yes sir. I’ll get it filed as soon as I leave here.” Joel shakes his hand and you bid Garrett goodbye, letting Joel escort you out of the room and through the courthouse.

“Congrats.” Ellie says with a grin, coming forward to hug you and you can’t deny the teenager you’ve already grown fond of.

“Thank you.” You smile and Tommy approaches, leaning in to kiss your cheek, “welcome to the family.” He gives you a pointed look and you clear your throat, “perhaps we can have dinner. I’d like to meet your wife, Maria.” You say, wondering what she’s like to be married to Tommy.

Joel grunts and wraps his arm around your waist. “Next week.” He tells Tommy, making it an order. “This week, I’m unavailable. We have to have a ‘honeymoon’, so you’re in charge.” He pins his younger brother with a cold stare. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

You’re surprised to hear that he wants a honeymoon. “But I thought - we weren’t going to - can I go home? I mean, we are married now. On paper. It doesn’t mean that I can say anything to anyone legally. Can I go back to my life?” You ask Joel softly, his grip tightening on your waist.

“No.” Joel shakes his head, hating how hopeful you sound. “A lot of people would try to hurt you to get to me.” He tells you. “You stay at the house, safe and secure. But you can have your phone back. Go anywhere you want to go, as long as you have someone with you.”

You deflate but at least you can regain some of your freedom. “Can I go back to work?” You ask and Joel sighs, “yes but you cannot take the Senator's case.” He orders and you nod, excited to somewhat get back to your life. “Fine. I can do that.” You promise, “but you want a honeymoon first?” You ask and he nods.

“We are married, I’d like to know you a little better.” You weren’t expecting that but you reach for his hand to hold it in yours, “okay. We can do that.”

Joel leads you out of the courthouse and towards the dark SUV that is waiting. He turns to Ellie and smirks at her. “Ride back with Tommy.” He orders her, making her whine and roll her eyes as he opens the door for you.

You shiver at his tone and let him guide you into the SUV, the ring sitting heavy on your finger, and you dread to think about how much it cost. “You didn’t have to get such a beautiful ring, Joel. We aren’t married for real.” You remind him after you settle in the swat.

“Doesn’t matter.” Joel grunts. “You’re my wife. One day, ten years, you’ll have a ring that is appropriate for a woman who is standing beside me.” He explains. It’s not about the statue, he could honestly give a shit less. However, he plans on letting you keep the ring, as a way to apologize for this mess, so you deserve something pretty.

You nod, knowing that he might be a smuggler by trade but to the rest of Boston society, he’s a wealthy man who has social standing, even if he doesn’t want it or desires to attend the events. He would never be turned down if he wanted to go. You glance at him then at the ring. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.” You admire it, feeling the strange weight on your finger. It’s unusual and you aren’t sure how to feel but you place your hand on your lap and look out of the tinted window.

“As far as the honeymoon,” Joel tells you, pulling out his phone. “I know you don’t want to fuck me, and I don’t expect you to, but if we don’t have a couple of weeks where you and I are alone, people will question.” He explains. “We can stay at the house, just not receive visitors and I will let Tommy handle the business. That way we can say we just spent the entire time in bed.”

You bite your lip, wanting to admit that you wouldn’t mind fucking him. Crazy how 48 hours can change everything. His gruffness and his innate strength make your stomach twist with desire but you know he doesn’t want you. He has Tess. That much was made obvious. “Sure. I- i can take a couple of weeks off. I already told work I’d be away. What about…I’m sure Tess will want to be in your bed so how are we going to handle people possibly seeing her leaving your room?”

“The staff will be sent home.” Joel reveals. “And Tess is still pissed at me, so I might just be sleeping alone.” He had tried to have her come over, and she’d refused. Making some snarky comment that he had ignored and she just decided to leave him hanging. It’s been a few days and will be a few more until she decides to come back. He will just have to deal.

You feel a little relieved that the staff won’t be there to watch your every move and the fact that Tess won’t be around relaxes you even more. She clearly hates you for being with Joel, even if you aren’t actually with him. “I can cook tonight…if you want. Since the housekeeper will have been sent home.”

“Whatever you want.” He isn’t too concerned about it. “We can order in if you don’t want to cook or whatever.” He is actually looking forward to a couple of weeks to relax and not worry about things. Maybe he can swim every morning. “Think of it like an at home vacation.”

You turn to look at him again, “I don’t see you and vacation going well together.” You tease and he snorts, “no. I- I haven’t taken a vacation in so long.” He confesses and you lean a little closer, “then let’s make this a vacation. I’ll cook tonight. I want to cook for my husband.” You say, wanting to find a middle ground if this is your reality until he decides to divorce you.

He nods, “whatever you want darlin’.” His nickname makes your heart pound and you lean back in your seat, watching Boston pass by as you exit the city.

****

You bite your lip as you mash the potatoes, the chicken rests after you roasted it, and you wonder if Joel will like the white wine you have chilling in the fridge.

In his study, Joel shuts down his computer and sighs softly. He’s married. Again. The narrow golden band on his finger feels foreign and yet he remembers the first time he had one on his hand. It had been such a happy time for him, quickly turning to heartache and sorrow. Pushing back from his desk, he exits the office and follows the delicious smells towards the kitchen, wondering if you were enjoying cooking or if you were trying to stay on his good side.

You glance up when Joel comes into the kitchen, putting the final touches on the dinner as you set it down on the kitchen table. He has a formal dining room but you refuse to sit there miles apart at opposite ends of the table. “It smells delicious.” He compliments you and you smile, “good. Come sit. I - I hope you like white wine. I wasn’t sure which one I should get and the cook left the chicken in the fridge so I- yeah.” You finish lamely when he doesn’t interrupt you.

“White wine is good.” He doesn’t care for wine most of the time, but you seem so nervous that he won’t pour himself a glass of bourbon like he usually would. “You didn’t have to do this.” He reminds you quietly. “Although I’m eager to see if you decide to poison your husband on your wedding night.” He teases.

You chuckle, setting the gravy down and you look at him after you sit down. “What a story that would be for a Lifetime movie.” You tease and notice his glance at the wine. “You don’t like wine.” You state and want to hit your forehead, “let me - what else do you want?” You ask, standing up from the table.

“I’ll drink the wine.” He tells you but you shake your head, “what do you normally drink with dinner?” You ask, making him sigh. “I normally have a glass of bourbon with dinner.” He admits. “I like the burn of the whiskey better than the tartness of wine.”

You want to please him, as ridiculous as it sounds since he essentially blackmailed you into being his wife, yet you still want to win him over. Perhaps it’s the years of insecurity, wanting him to want you so you don’t feel like a total failure at love and relationships. You see the bar over in the corner of the kitchen and you stand up, touching his shoulder as you walk over to grab a crystal glass and pour him a healthy measure. “Here you go.” You say as you set it down and sit back in your seat.

“You didn’t have to get that.” He insists, even as he takes the glass and immediately takes a sip. “But thanks.” He motions towards the plate in front of him. “It looks delicious.” He’s already noticed that your plate is much smaller than his and he wants to call you on it, but he doesn’t.

“Thank you. I love cooking. I don’t get to do it too often between work and living alone. I usually grab something on the way home. It’s nice to have something homemade and this kitchen - it’s a dream. Every spice. Every utensil. Anything a cook could want or need.” You compliment him.

“It’s yours to use.” He promises you. “If you enjoy cooking, indulge. Use this time to do whatever you wished you had time to do. I hope to spend a lot of time out by the pool.” He admits as he forks up a bite of the mashed potatoes and groans when they hit his tongue.

You shift slightly in your seat at the way he groans. The way his eyes flutter closed makes your chest swell with pride and you wonder when this started to feel real, like you really are married. You start to eat and imagine him swimming like you saw him earlier. You’d love to join him but you doubt he’d want that, to see you like that. “I will. I have missed cooking a lot and the pool sounds like fun. You don’t seem like a man who takes any time off.”

“I don’t.” He cuts into his chicken and there is another groan at the roasted poultry. “I work long hours and have little time for pleasure.” He agrees after he swallows. “Perhaps this is what I needed. A couple of weeks lounging by the pool with my new wife. Tell me, do you sunbathe nude?”

You snort, unable to stop yourself and he stares at you. “Oh you’re serious? Shit. I - really? I- I don’t think anyone would want to see me sunbathe nude. I can barely get into a swimsuit without crippling anxiety.” You chuckle, trying to make it appear like a joke when it’s anything but for you.

“Why?” Joel frowns as he looks up at you from cutting another piece of chicken. “You have great looking tits from what I can see and your ass is nice and round.” He tells you. “I bet you’d make a dead man’s cock hard.”

You are shocked as he nonchalantly tells you what he thinks and your heart pounds, your stomach twists with pleasure. "You - you think that I - my ex...he dumped me because I gained too much weight. He tried to force me to the gym, tried to give me a raw vegetable diet like I was a goddamn rabbit. I- I just - it's been a while since anyone was interested in me."

“Then you were dating a boy, not a man.” He grunts, shaking his head. “There’s not one inch of you that isn’t sexy, darlin’.” The slight Texas twang comes out when he tells you that and he points towards your plate. “So don’t you dare not finish your food because you think I will be repulsed.”

Your jaw drops slightly and you stare at him in surprise. His words have you wet, turned on by the twang and the way he essentially orders you to eat. You’ve never known a man like him. “Thank you.” You whisper, a soft smile on your face as you pick up your knife and fork. You start to eat, watching Joel eat his own meal and you realize that there’s more to him than the criminal killer you assumed he was when you were tied up in his garage.

The meal is finished in companionable silence and when he’s done, Joel drains the last of his bourbon. “That was amazing.” He admits honestly. “I don’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal like that. Don’t get me wrong, Kathleen is a good cook, but there’s something about your cooking that just….adds to the flavor.”

You smile, “that’s the love.” You tease, knowing you aren’t even on a friendship level let alone anything else. “I made dessert too.” You hum, standing up and grabbing the empty plates. You set them on the side and walk over to the fridge to take out the small cake you had made while waiting for the chicken to cook. You slice it up and set the plate in front of Joel.

“Cake?” His brows shoot up in surprise and he can’t help but smile. “It’s been a long damn time since I’ve had cake.” He admits, reaching out and taking hold of your wrist. “Stay right here and share this with me.” He orders you. “It’s our wedding cake after all.”

You are touched by his sentiment and you let him pull you onto his lap. “I didn’t think of it as a wedding cake but - it’s vanilla and raspberry.” You tell him softly, watching as he picks up the fork and brings the cake to your mouth. You take the bite he offers, wrapping your lips around the fork as he feeds you for the second time since you arrived at his home.

Joel grunts, watching your mouth and your tongue when you swipe it over your lips and imagines you with your mouth wrapped around his cock. Something you wouldn't want, but it makes him twitch. He smirks at you. "How is your cake, sweetheart?" He asks curiously.

You hum, nodding, “it’s good. Even if I do say so myself.” You smirk and reach for the fork so you can cut off a bite and lift it to his mouth. “Try it.” You tell him softly and he leans in to wrap his lips around the cake.

The richness of the vanilla and the tart sweetness of the raspberry melts on his tongue and makes him close his eyes as he groans. It's a simple cake, made even better by its simplicity and he can't help but think that it is a lot like you. You are rich and sweet and complex in your simplicity. "Perfect."

You enjoy his reaction, feeling warm from his dark gaze when he opens his eyes. “Good. I'm glad you like it.” You shift to get him another forkful and you bring it to his lips, enjoying feeding him.

His hand slides down and he squeezes your hip, enjoying the generous flesh and the softness under the pretty white dress you are still wearing. It makes him think of pushing the plate off the table and setting you up on it and having you for dessert.

You lean closer, letting him take the fork from your hand as he cuts off a piece and brings it to your lips. “Thank you.” You murmur after you swallow the bite, leaning in to kiss his scruffy cheek. He grunts and you lean back, “I don’t want to do something stupid but I want to make this work.” You reveal, looking at him.

His dark eyes seem to look into your soul and he presses his lips together. "You don't know what it's like." He warns you. "I'm not gentle. I don't do gentle. I fuck. Hard. Until you can't walk and your cunt aches for days after I'm done with you." He sets the fork down. "You should go back to your room. Stay away from me so I don't hurt you."

You swallow harshly, your eyes focused on his and your chest heaves. “I- I-” You choke, unsure of what you want. Part of you wants him to wreck you. Another part of you wants to stay away so he doesn’t hurt you. He’s not soft, he’s made that clear time and time again. “I’ll go.” You manage to choke out, shifting off of his lap and you glance back once before you scurry out of the room and away from the man you suddenly want more than anything else but you don’t know if you’d be able to handle him .

****

The water is cool and the shade keeps everything at a pleasant temperature. Joel’s sunglasses protect his eyes and he is able to keep his eyes on you as you float on top of the water with a frozen drink in your hand and a smile on your face.

You can’t believe how your life has changed within a week. You’re married. To Joel Miller, Boston elite and a notorious yet - unknown to most - mafia boss. You had some anxiety coming out to the pool wearing your bikini but no one is here apart from Joel and you can feel his eyes on you even behind his sunglasses. The evenings since your wedding day, you’ve cooked or ordered in and he’s talked to you, told you what his favorite movies are. Surprisingly it’s not The Godfather, and you have watched tv together like a real married couple. It’s hard to believe how different he can be when he doesn’t have to be the boss, the big brother, the father figure to Ellie who has eaten dinner with you a few times before sleeping over at her friend’s house. “What are you staring at?” You ask him playfully, knowing he thinks you don’t notice his eyes on you.

Joel’s lips twist into an amused frown and he pulls his glasses down his nose to look over them. “I’m staring at my wife’s tits.” He confesses with zero shame. Tess has come back around and he’s fucked her since he’s been married to you, but he still craves you. Reaching down and adjusting himself as he smirks at you.

You see his motion and chuckle, shaking your head as you take another sip of your drink. You want to believe his attraction to you but you’d seen Tess leaving yesterday morning and you’re not dumb. You know he is still fucking her. It makes your decision to not sleep with him the first night you were married validated. “At least you’re honest.” You hum, shifting off of the floaty after you set your drink on the side and you dip under the water before appearing again. “I’m gonna get another drink, do you want anything?” You ask Joel.

“A beer would be nice.” He says and you nod, walking up the steps to exit the pool, water running down your body as you reach for your towel.

“I didn’t know you were turning the pool into an aquarium, Joel.” Tess appears under the shade of the porch, a mocking expression on her face that has Joel immediately pissed off.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He growls, seeing you scramble to cover your body when you had just been so confident as you waved your ass towards him when climbing out of the pool.

Tears sting in your eyes as you rush into the house but not before you hear Tess say “wanted to see if the fat bitch was still here or if you killed her.” You choke on a sob as you walk into the kitchen, dripping water on the floor but you don’t care, knowing that Tess will be Joel’s number one. You’re only married on paper and these past few days don’t change anything for him. He wants her.

Joel growls and slides into the pool so he can wade angrily towards the steps. “The fuck is wrong with you?” He demands, shaking his head. She laughs as he climbs the stairs and he grabs her arms and shakes her. “Go the fuck away.” He growls, furious. He’s spent the last week with you and has grown to like you a lot. Not just physically, but he likes spending time with you. “Get the fuck out of here if you can’t keep your bitchy thoughts to yourself.”

“You know you don’t actually want her. It’s me who’s in your bed, baby. Why- why wasn’t it me? Why can’t you ever say it back?” Tess asks, her eyes growing watery as she stares at the man she loves, has loved for so many years. “Why can’t you give yourself to me like I have to you, time and time again.”

Joel sighs, closing his eyes and he can’t say the words. He cares about Tess, but he doesn’t want to love her. He frowns and looks into her watery eyes. “You knew the score when you hopped into my bed.” He reminds her. “It’s physical. If you don’t like that, you’re free to walk away.”

Tess rears back as if Joel just slapped her. Hearing the words she’s always known to be true but hoped they weren’t is painful and she shakes her head. “Whatever. Go fuck the whale. See if I care. I’ll go call Jack.” She scoffs, mentioning one of Joel’s men who has always flirted with her. She steps back from him and walks back into the house, passing the kitchen and she storms out of the house. You sniff and grab Joel’s beer, composing yourself after you hear the garage door slam and you are surprised to see Joel standing in the doorway. “Tess left before I could say goodbye.” You murmur, wanting to be the better person, even if you want to go to your room and sob at her insults.

“Yeah.” Joel frowns and steps closer to you, taking the beer and setting it down on the counter to grasp your chin, making you meet his eyes. “She’s jealous.” He tells you. “Don’t listen to her.” He knows you will take her insults to heart and he wishes you wouldn’t.

You scoff, “jealous of me? Why would she be jealous of me? I- I saw her the other morning leaving your room. I know you are fucking her and it’s none of my business but I thought- I thought we were getting a little closer. Even if we aren’t married for real, I’d at least like to be friends. I know you don’t want me like that. I know I don’t - I know you don’t want me.” You finish with a shaky inhale.

Joel chuckles, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “She’s jealous because I do want you.” He reveals. “Because I’ve had to fuck her since you haven’t wanted me to touch you.” He takes your hand and brings it down to his crotch, letting you feel his hard cock. “Don’t tell me that I don’t want you when this is how I stay. I’ve been hard since you walked out in that fucking bikini.”

Your eyes widen when you feel how hard he is and your eyes meet his, seeing the desire in his dark gaze. Fuck, he wants you. You swallow harshly and remove your hand from his crotch. He moves to step back, thinking you don’t like that he’s hard but you reach up to remove the towel you have wrapped around your body. “I want you to take me to my room. I want you to fuck me. I want you to wreck me and leave me aching for days.” You tell him, knowing that you need this, you need to feel all of him. Your hand finds his crotch again, squeezing him through his wet swimming trunks.

Growling and twitching against your hand, he grabs your wrist and drags you closer to him. “One last chance to back out.” He warns you, his lips almost brushing yours.

You whimper and shake your head. “I want you, Joel.” You tell him and he groans, pressing his lips to yours. Your hands slide up his damp chest, wrapping around his neck to press yourself against him as his tongue slides into your mouth. It’s rough and messy but it has more than your bikini dripping wet. His hands slide down to grab your ass, squeezing the supple flesh and you moan into his mouth.

Joel presses you into the counter. The beer is forgotten, swimming forgotten. All that he cares about is touching you. One hand slides under your bottoms to squeeze your bare ass and grip it roughly, while his other hand moves to tear your top off your body, eager to see your tits.

His obvious hunger for your body makes you feel like you’re on fire and he tosses the wet bikini top to the floor. It hits the tile with a plop and his hands are cupping your tits after he pulls back to look at them. “Joel.” You gasp when he pinches your nipples. There’s no tender touches, he’s all in and he’s rough like he warned you.

“Fucking great.” He moans, leaning down and biting the top of one tit before sucking harshly on the skin. Determined to lean bruises under your skin to remember him by. “I knew they were great tits.” He moves down to pull your nipple into his mouth and bites down on it harshly before soothing it with his tongue.

“Baby.” You whine, tangling your fingers in his wet hair. “I - oh God.” No one has ever treated you like this, so roughly, but you fucking love it. His hands are squeezing your tits, tilting them so he can wrap his lips around your nipple, alternating one then the other until they are hard and sore under his touch. “Oh God. I need - take me upstairs.”

“Yeah?” Joel confirms it once more, smirking as he pulls off your tit with a wet pop. “You need me to fuck you, sweetheart? Destroy your little pussy until you can’t walk? Then maybe you’ll believe that you’re sexy.” He lets go of your breasts and brings his hand down harshly on your ass, making it jiggle when he slaps it. “I want you naked the second we get in that room. And I want you to spread out on the bed so I can devour your pussy.”

Your body feels like it's on fire and yet you feel like you could melt into a puddle at his words. That twang comes out and sends your heart pounding. "Fuck. I - Joel - oh God. Yes." You pant, unused to such dirty words. Your previous partners were tame and didn't smack your ass or treat you like this. You step away from him on shaky legs, needing a second to catch your breath and you turn to look back at him, channeling a more confident version of yourself. "Come on then, Miller. I want you to destroy me." You order, walking through the kitchen to the second set of stairs that lead to the bedrooms above.

Watching your ass shake in front of his face makes him reach out and slap it again. Grunting as his cock twitches and he can’t wait to have you on your knees while he’s pounding into you. He knows you’ve probably never had someone fuck you roughly, but he feels like you could take it. He hustles up the last few stairs and reaches out, grabbing you to pull you back so he can grind his cock against your ass, throbbing hotly. “I can’t wait to see how well you take me.” He growls in your ear.

You shiver, feeling like he’s hunting you down and you love it. To feel so desired. It’s more than you’ve had before. You force yourself to continue the last few steps to your assigned suite and his hands are on your waist as you open the door. He gropes your ass and you bring his hand to your bikini bottoms. “Take them off.” You order, wanting him to see all over you despite your stomach twisting with nerves that he might not like what he sees.

The strings seem to dissolve between his fingers and he flings the fabric away from your body. One hand grabs the extra skin around your stomach, groaning as he sinks his other hand between your thick thighs and pushes his fingers between the curls covering your cunt. “Fuck, you’re so hot, so wet.” He grunts, sliding a finger through your slit and back until he’s pushing a thick finger inside you.

You gasp, your hands grabbing onto his shoulders as he starts to finger fuck you. Quickly adding a second finger and you whimper, leaning your weight against him. “Oh God.” You pant and he shifts to walk you back towards the bed. You willingly lay down and groan when his fingers slip out of you. You close your legs, suddenly self conscious to be on display for him like this.

“Open them.” Joel’s voice is rough and he is impatiently pushing his wet swimming trunks down. His hard cock springing free and bouncing as he kicks them away. “I want to see your cunt, every inch of you.”

Your eyes widen at the sight of his hard cock, thick and leaking pre-cum and you are shocked at how turned on he is. His cock throbbing and an angry red. You swallow harshly, spreading your legs to show him every inch of you. Your fingers tangle in the sheets as your heart thumps.

“Fuck.” Your cunt glistens with arousal and he can’t help but twitch, making his cock bounce again. Kneeling down on the bed, he spreads your legs wider and pushes the two fingers back inside you when he lowers his head to bury his face in your folds.

“Oh shit!” You yelp when he sucks on your clit. You never imagined Joel would be a man willing to give oral and you are pleasantly surprised. His fingers curl inside of you on each pump and you moan, unable to stop yourself from reaching down to tangle your fingers in his salt and pepper locks. You bite your lip, trying to keep quiet and soon his free hand is gripping your jaw, his tongue leaving your clit throbbing and slick with his saliva. “Why are you biting your lip?” His rough voice demands and you lick your lips.

“My - I’ve been told I’m too loud. I- he said it was like a banshee.” You confess, knowing your exes have done a number on you.

Joel turns his head and he bites your thigh until you yelp out in surprise. “Every goddamn sound belongs to me.” He growls, his dark eyes fixed on yours. “I will hear them.” This time, he spits on your pussy, watching it slide down through your folds and the dives back in with the vigor of a man starved.

You cry out, cunt gushing at the way he spits on your flesh like he owns you and in a way he does. "Joel!" You squeal when he sucks on your clit, his fingers pumping even faster and you can hear the squelch as your pussy weeps for him. "Oh God. Oh God." You pant, getting closer and closer.

Joel flicks his tongue, sucking his saliva back into his mouth and groaning when you roll your hips down onto his face. He loves how soft you are, how tangy and sweet you are on his tongue. His fingers curl and press deep, stretching you out for his cock.

"Fuck, baby." You pant, chest heaving and you reach up to squeeze your own tits, shifting onto your elbows so you can watch him. Seeing that dark gaze, knowing that his fingers - ones that are capable and have killed - are curled inside of you, making you feel only pleasure...it all sends you over the edge. You cry out and clamp down on his digits, your pussy gushing as you cum fast and hard on his face.

Joel groans as you come apart for him, his tongue slowly working you through it as the pressure around his head is perfect. He throbs against the bedsheets and watches you in rapture.

You slump back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling as your chest heaves and you absorb the pleasure racing through you. You haven't felt like this before. You close your eyes and feel Joel shift after withdrawing his fingers. His wet fingers caress your hip and you open your eyes to look up at him. You offer him a lazy smile and he chuckles, "it ain't over yet, darlin'." You nod, shifting to sit up and you reach out to wrap your fingers around his cock.

Hissing at the pressure, Joel resists the urge to rock his hips forward. Letting you explore his cock since he had just done what he wanted with your body. “Fuck.” He groans when you squeeze him. “Give me a word.” He demands, making you frown, “what?”

“A word, a fucking safe word.” He demands. “In case it’s too much.”

You haven't dealt with this before but you've read about it in those smutty books you'd stay up at night reading. You pause your movements as you consider the safe word. "Apple." You tell him, glancing over at the painting on the wall of the fruit bowl. "Apple." You repeat, looking back at him and resuming your grip on his cock.

“Apple.” He nods once, knocking your hand away from his cock and lunging over you. Your legs are hooked under his arms as he presses into you and folds them back. His hand guides his cock towards your wet entrance and his tongue slides into your mouth as he pushes forward and fills you in one harsh thrust.

You gasp around his tongue, his cock pushing deep and hard enough to take your breath away and you can't believe how thick he feels inside of you. Your hands come up to grip his shoulders, covered in healed scars, and you moan into his mouth when you adjust and he starts at a quick, but harsh pace.

“Shit, shit, darlin’.” He growls as he fucks into you with strokes that are meant to punish just as much as pleasure. Your soft body cradles him and absorbs the pressure with a beautiful jiggle. “Knew you could take me, fuck that pussy is tight.” He huffs. “Like a vice, god, you feel good.” He groans.

"Y- you too." You whimper, closing your eyes as you let him fuck you hard and fast. You feel like you're on fire with pleasure and it's only the beginning. "Pu-pussy is yours." You murmur in your haze of lust. His ring on your finger, his cock inside of you, you feel like you belong to him and for the first time since you arrived, it feels right.

Joel growls, your words just making him rock his hips faster. Wanting to pull more words from you. Wanting to hear what all you will give him as his cock shreds up inside you. “Mine.” He agrees. “My pussy, my soft, curvy girl.” He hisses, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth to keep from blowing his load at how sexy and fucked out you look below him as you hang on and take everything he gives you.

Your mouth hangs open, moans escaping your lips without any filter as he thrusts into you hard enough to push your body further up the bed. You reach for his hand, "Joel. I want - I need you to - to choke me. My ex - never wanted- I want you to." Joel stops thrusting, so shocked at your request. You bring his hand to your throat, "I don't want you to just grab my throat. I want to feel you fucking me, I want to feel my own heartbeat. I need you to own me."

A shudder rolls through him, his cock twitching deep inside you as his fingers wrap around your throat. He had never expected you to say something like this and he is eager to see how you react. “Filthy little slut.” He coos mockingly, tightening his grip until you gasp and then slowly pulling his hips back. “Couldn’t get what you need from your loser ex?” He smirks darkly. “I’ll give you what you need.” He promises.

Your eyes roll into the back of your head as he fucks you hard, his hips slamming against your ass as he bends you over even more and his grip tightens on your throat to make spots flash in your eyes. "Fuuuu-" You can't even talk, only groan breathlessly as he pushes against the back wall of your cunt. Tears push out of your eyes and your cunt squelches as you get closer. Your eyes meet his, a delicious smirk of satisfaction on his face, and he leans in to press his forehead against yours. "Cum for me baby." He orders and you can't hold back or deny him. You choke as you cum, unable to catch your breath as your orgasm rips through you, destroying you and gripping Joel's cock like you never want him to leave your body.

Your orgasm is breathtaking. Making him groan and his eyes roll back at how tight you clench around him as you soak him in your juices. Your name leaving his lips as he has to increase the pressure to fuck you through your orgasm. “Shit, there you go.” He pants. “Fuck that’s pretty, so wet. That’s it baby.” He knows he’s not going to last long, so he pulls back, pulling out of you completely.

He lets go of your throat and you struggle to catch your breath, your body shaking in the aftermath of your orgasm. “Hands and knees.” He orders and you nod, struggling to shift from your back but you manage it. Kneeling on your hands and knees for your husband. Your cunt dripping as you display yourself for his hungry gaze.

“Fuck, baby.” His hand slaps your ass once, twice before he is shuffling forward to sink back into you. Watching as his cock pushes deep, he holds your ass and pulls your cheeks apart to watch your other hole flutter. “Gonna fuck your ass one day too.” He grunts before he starts moving again.

You moan, falling forward onto your elbows as he resumes his harsh pace. "Fuck. Joel yes. I'm yours." You promise, lost in the lust and the way he's making you feel. "It's yours. Whatever you want." You promise as he presses his thumb against the puckered hole.

“Yeah?” He grunts, slamming his hips against your ass and watching your body shake from the force. “Let me have what I want? Anytime I want?” He demands.

“Yes, yes, anything you want.” You pant out quietly, making him chuckle. He sinks the tip of his thumb into your ass and reaches down to grip your neck roughly as he increases his pace.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck." You pant, his fingers digging into your throat from his grip and you want to look back and see him but you can't when his grip is so tight. "Yes! Yours. Yours." You ramble breathily as he slams into you again and again.

There’s a voice in the back of his mind telling him that he shouldn’t be so possessive over you. That it should just be an itch to scratch. He ignores it as he pulls his thumb out of your ass and slides his hand underneath you to rub your clit. “Cum for me.” He orders. “Cum for me baby, wanna feel it.”

You nearly collapse forward but the way he is gripping your throat keeps you upright and you grind back onto him when his fingers rub your clit. "Fuck baby. I'm gonna - again. Oh God. Fuck!" You squeal, clamping down on his cock again. "Please cum. Cum for me." You beg, wanting to hear him, wanting him to have pleasure too.

He grunts, desperately close to cumming but he hadn’t asked you about birth control. He doesn’t know if you are taking it and he can’t risk getting you pregnant. Not when this is a temporary marriage. He manages another four or five thrusts before he is pulling out, letting go of your neck to pump his cock. “Fuck, fuck, fuck baby.” He moans, hot spurts of his seed painting your ass as he gasps for breath.

You feel a little disappointed that he didn’t cum inside of you but you know it’s likely for the best considering you’re only married on paper. You glance back at him as he squeezes his cock and you can’t help but shift around, taking his spent cock into your mouth to taste his length covered with your juices and the saltiness of his seed. Your eyes meet his as his chest heaves and you watch him as you suck him clean.

“Shiiiiiiit.” Joel hisses, his spent cock twitching and he loves how dirty you look with his cock in your mouth. “Next time, I’ll fuck your throat.” He pants. “Fuck, how was it, darlin’?” He asks, pulling his hips back and waiting for your answer.

You look up at him before you shift back onto your haunches. “It was - I’ve never been fucked like that before.” You admit, biting your lip as your eyes focus on him. “Did you- did you enjoy it?”

“I did.” His hand caresses your hip and he can see how self conscious you are. “Let me get a rag and clean you up.” He smirks. “Bet you couldn’t walk to the bathroom right now anyway.”

You shake your head, limbs feeling like jello and you shift onto your stomach as you watch him walk into the en suite bathroom. You close your eyes, feeling exhausted, and you flinch slightly at the feel of the cold rag on your skin as he cleans you up. “I have an IUD by the way. If…if you want to cum inside of me next time.”

“Shit.” Joel shakes his head. “If I had known that…..” he wouldn’t have pulled out at all. He finishes wiping you clean and caresses your ass before he slaps it. “You wouldn’t mind me cumming inside you?” He asks, wanting to make sure.

You shake your head, “I wouldn’t mind but…are you still going to sleep with Tess?” You ask. Nervous that he’s going to continue sleeping with her and coming to your bed at the same time. The woman who has insulted you at every turn, it makes you sad and angry that she says those things and you hope he doesn’t want to continue fucking her.

His eyes go flat, dark and angry as he thinks about what Tess had said. “No.” He huffs, shaking his head. “That won’t be happening.” He made up his mind, he’s married. He’s decided he’s going to be a faithful husband while he’s married to you.

You are relieved, relaxing even more into the mattress and you watch him as he shifts to sit down on the bed beside you. His entire form is awkward now and you find it a little endearing. “Good. I- I want to make the best of this while we are married. I want to get to know you.” You tell him, knowing you have to compromise if you’re here for the foreseeable until he gets tired of you. Maybe he will kill you or maybe he will let you go. You hope he’d just let you go.

Leaning back against the pillows, Joel searches for a compliment. “You were really wet.” He tells you lamely. “Tight.” He grunts, wondering if he can get more ridiculous. “Do you like to cuddle after sex or sleep?” He asks.

You can tell he’s not used to aftercare or pillow talk so you take pity on him and shuffle off of the bed, legs wobbling slightly. “I like to shower. Um, you can stay if you want but I’m sure you’ve got things to do.” You say, biting your lip and you internally cringe at how awkward it is now that the lust has been satiated.

It feels like he is being dismissed and Joel frowns, shuffling off the bed. "Sure." He nods. "Enjoy your shower." He will clean up the pool area and order dinner. "Don't worry about cooking tonight. I will order us some dinner. How does Chinese sound?'

You turn back to look at him, “sure. That sounds good. I like anything so order a selection, babe.” You say and step into the bathroom, closing the door behind you. You turn on the shower and sit down on the toilet, burying your face in your hands. Things just got a lot more complicated and you’re not sure how to handle it. You know you’re going to end up getting hurt in the end.

****

Joel's snarl is curling his lip back and the only thing keeping the headboard from beating against the wall is the fact that your hands are wrapped around the posts, his own hands covering yours as he fucks you. "Fuck, fuck, you've got to cum." He pauses mid thrust to push up onto his knees a bit more, wanting to push deeper into you. Flat on your stomach while he fuck you into the mattress, your moans are hampered by the pillow and he lets go of one hand so he can rip it out from under you and toss it down on the ground.

“Oh God, Joel. I- fuck. I’m gonna - you’re gonna make me - oh shit! Shit!” You squeal as you turn your head so he can hear you, his cock pushing deep and you can barely breathe when your orgasm slams into you. It’s devastating and you love it. Fuck, you love it. “Cu- cum. Please. Want - want to feel it.” You beg but he denies you, working you through your orgasm and pushing you onto another one that has your body shaking from overstimulation.

He's learned that despite you wanting him to cum right after you do, you love having multiple orgasms. Your past lovers obviously not doing a very good job when they fucked you, Joel leaves you unable to use that vibrator that you keep in your bedside drawer. Unless you count the time he had fucked you while pressing it to your clit. "You've gotta give me another one, baby." He smirks, biting down on your shoulder.

You shake your head, “I can’t. It’s too much.” You choke and he bites down on your skin again.

“You can. One more. One more than I’ll fill this tight little cunt up.” He promises and you whine, fingers gripping the headboard even more. He thrusts a little harder, his hips smacking against your ass and you can hardly catch your breath.

“Shit. It’s - oh God. Too much. So good. Baby. Baby. I’m gonna cum again.” You warn him, clenching your eyes shut as your toes curl.

He grits his teeth and continues to hammer into you, wanting to feel you cum. It’s becoming an addiction. Watching you, feeling you, hearing you come apart for him. There’s an honesty you can’t fake when you cum for him. The first gush of your juices makes his hips stutter and he groans. “Fuck, I’m gonna fill this little pussy up.” He vows. “Want you to drip me while you shake your ass all over my kitchen.”

His words push you even further and you clamp down on his cock, soaking him with a cry of his name. “Fuck yes baby. Oh fuck.” You croak, voice broken from the moans he’s pulled from you tonight. “Please. Please. Pleaseeee.” You beg as you ride your orgasm, desperate to feel him spill inside of you.

Letting go of the bed, his arms push underneath you to hold you tight. Wrapping his legs around yours as he rocks into you over and over again until he is burying his cock deep. Groaning your name into your ear as he spills rope after rope of his hot seed into your womb.

You close your eyes, enjoying the feel of him on top of you and you could easily spend the rest of your life like this. That thought would terrify you if you weren’t drunk with pleasure. You sigh in bliss and he kisses along your neck once he’s still, his cock still twitching inside of you. “So good, baby.” You murmur, reaching back to slide your fingers through his hair.

He knows he’s heavy, pinning you down but you don’t complain and he doesn’t want to move. “Fuck.” He grunts, burying his face in your neck and trying to catch his breath. “Could sleep right here.” He murmurs, kissing your pulse and feeling all the stress and pain fade away.

You smile into the sheets, “me too.” You haven’t shared a bed with him yet, just sex before you both retreat to your own quarters and you wish he would cuddle you or something. “Do you maybe….maybe you’d like to stay tonight? In the same bed?” You ask tentatively, worried that he’s going to reject you.

Lifting his head, Joel’s brows shoot up. “Yeah, uh, are you sure?” He asks. He’s always come to your room, you’ve never been in his, but he wants to stay. “I don’t want you to offer if you’d rather be alone.”

“No. No. I want you to stay.” You promise, nodding your head against the sheets and you shift onto your side so you can look at him after he pulls out of you. “I want you to stay. Maybe we can watch a movie?” You suggest, reaching out to brush his hair back.

Joel secretly likes watching movies and he nods. “That will be good. Do you want to shower first, or need some water?” He knows you want a little bit of tenderness after sex.

You swallow, “water would be good, babe.” You offer him a smile, “and a shower.” You decide, wanting to feel clean after he’s wrecked your body again. “You wanna shower with me first?” You ask, knowing he isn’t one for that kind of intimacy but you always attempt to reach out to him, to make this marriage work in more ways than sex.

“That will work.” Joel nods and moves to climb out of the bed. “I’ll start the water, let it warm up.” He pauses and then leans in for a kiss before he stands and strides towards your en-suite. It’s getting harder to not soften towards you, especially since you are so sweet.

You are surprised that he wants to shower with you when he usually goes off to clean himself up and check on the business with Tommy. You watch his ass as he walks into your bathroom and you bite your lip, loving how hot he is. Even more so he doesn’t think he is. He thinks he’s too old but you love the salt and pepper. He grabs you a water and you are soon in the shower together, grabbing the body wash to clean each other off.

“Your body wash smells flowery.” Joel makes a face on principle, but he squirts it on a loofa and suds it up to wash your body. “That’s why you always smell so good.” He grunts to himself. “Love your smell, especially your wet pussy.”

You smile, pleased that he likes how you smell. It’s ridiculous how much you like hearing him compliment you. He’s such a gruff, cold man and any way you can crack his icy exterior has your heart melting for him. “Love how you smell too. Smoky and like whiskey. For now though, you’re gonna smell like roses.” You tease, sliding your hands along his chest.

He snorts and shakes his head. “Just means I need to fuck you again before we go to sleep.” He smirks and winks at you. There’s not been a day that has passed since that first day that he’s not fucked you at least twice. Most of the time, it’s hours between sessions since he’s no longer a teenager, but he’s been rising to the occasion.

You chuckle, “it’s a good thing I have the IUD otherwise you would’ve knocked me up by now and we both know that would be a disaster.” You snort and run your fingers through his wet hair, massaging his head. “I like this.” You admit softly, “what this has become.”

“I do too.” Joel admits, his hands squeezing your waist. You’ve grown more comfortable and playful as the days have gone on and his lust for you continues to grow. It also helps that he’s already seen you tell the police detective that you couldn’t help him when he came knocking about the murder. He doesn’t voice the idea that you could stay on, aware that you miss being a lawyer, a district attorney. He couldn’t ask you to give that up, or continuously look the other way.

Your heart flutters at his confession and you lean up to kiss his jaw. You have been keeping track of the case at the district attorney’s office and have seen that there is no evidence to link the murder back to Miller’s, so you are confident that the case will dropped soon and when the case is dropped, you can probably ask Joel if you can return to your previous life, but you find yourself reluctant to do so when deep down you are in love with the man who has become your husband. You rinse off after five minutes and Joel is quick to get you a towel grabbing one for himself to wrap around his waist. “You get dressed, baby. I’ll go get us some water and snacks. We can watch a movie. Pick whatever you want, just as long as it ain’t a damn romcom.”

You snort and nod, “sure thing babe.” You get dressed in your sweats and soon enough, you are cold around Joel watching a movie until you fall asleep on his chest.

Joel strokes your back gently as you sleep, smirking at the jokes in the movie. He likes this, feeling more relaxed than he has in a long time. His informant tells him that the case is stalled and will soon be dormant. Now he doesn’t want to give you up. He’s gotten used to you puttering in the kitchen and you spend a lot of time in his study, reading if he needs to do something.

****

You decide to wake up early. Joel doesn’t spend the night in your bed even after two months of marriage but you don’t let it bother you too much, knowing he has his reasons and he’s opened up to you far more than you ever thought possible. You sneak out of your bedroom across the hall from Joel’s and that’s when you see Tess. Sneaking out of Joel’s room, her hair all over the place and her clothes wrinkled. Your heart breaks and her smirk makes you feel sick. He slept with her. You aren’t enough for him. He doesn’t want you. You swallow harshly, not wanting her to see how affected you are. “Morning Tess.” You choke out and she hums, “morning.” She grins and makes her way downstairs, leaving you speechless in the hallway.

Joel wakes up and for a moment is confused when he sees the spot next to him is rumpled like someone slept there. Then he remembers. You had already gone to bed, Joel staying late to talk to Tommy about business and Tess had shown up. She had been wasted and practically sobbing about you and Joel abandoning her, trying to kiss him again and again until he finally convinced her that he wasn’t going to touch her. She had begged for just one more night sleeping beside him and he had relented, knowing she was in no shape to go home. Tucking her in and making sure she didn’t throw up until about four this morning before he had finally fallen asleep.

You pour your coffee with tears stinging in your eyes and you allow yourself the breakfast you make to be your time to be upset about Joel sleeping with Tess again. After you finish breakfast, you decide you aren’t going to sit around and wait for him. He has let you go eventually if he wants to be with Tess. You make your way to your room, locking the door, and you call your friend, deciding to make plans for tonight. No longer will you sit around pining for your husband that will never be capable of loving you. You’re going out tonight despite Joel’s rules. Your sister and niece have gone to Florida for the weekend so you know Joel hasn’t had his men follow them. Joel knocks on your door but you tell him you’re working and he leaves you alone. You don’t leave your room for lunch and around eight at night you get ready and decide to drive into the city to meet your friend. Joel will still be busy with his own work since he’s gone back to running the family business so you know he won’t miss your presence.

There’s something wrong with today and Joel is in a pisser of a mood. He’s not seen you all day and he hates it. He’s gotten used to seeing your pretty face, sharing a smile or hearing you tell him a joke in hopes to see him smile. Ellie slunks into his office around nine, pouting and dropping into a chair. “What the fuck’s wrong with you?” He demands.

Ellie says your name and Joel frowns, “what about her?”

Ellie scoffs, crossing her arms, “she’s gone into the city and I asked to go but she said she was going to some club with her friend. I was too young to go.” Ellie pouts and huffs, rolling her eyes, “I hate being a kid. I can’t do shit.”

“What do you mean she went into the city?” Joel drops the paper he was reading and sits up in his chair, a scowl on his face. “What fucking club, she’s in her room.” He swears Ellie likes busting his balls and making him sweat. “Don’t start that bullshit lying again.

Ellie shakes her head, “I’m not fucking lying. She’s gone out. Said something about the place Tommy and her met. I don’t know, man. That’s what she said and she looks fucking fancy. Dressed up and shit.” Ellie snorts, knowing Joel will be pissed with you leaving the house. Joel growls, realizing she’s telling the truth and she holds her hands up, “don’t shoot me. I’m the messenger.” Ellie says and Joel pushes back from his desk.

****

You sway to the music, feeling like you are free for the first time in nearly three months. You are excited to enjoy yourself and let loose, especially after seeing Tess this morning. Your heart is broken, knowing she would always be Joel’s number one despite him sending her away and you try to lose yourself in the music and the drink, trying to drown your stupid feelings.

“Come on! Come on!” He hisses, slamming the wheel of his car as he curses the car in front of him. He doesn’t know why you decided to leave the house without telling him, especially because he wouldn’t have let you go alone. If you needed a night out, he would have taken you. But not back to the fuckin place you had witnessed a goddamn murder. He pulls up outside the club, screeching to a halt and jumping out of the car to storm through the security and into the club to find you.

You are swaying your hips when you feel hands squeeze your flesh. You gasp, turning your head and seeing a man pushing up against you and you shake your head, trying to step away from him but his fingers dig deeper into your skin. Before you can react, he’s being shoved away from you and your eyes widen when you see Joel grab his collar, his teeth bared as he growls at the man for touching you and not letting you go. The music is loud and you can’t hear what he says as his hand comes back and you grab onto his arm. “Joel. Stop. Not here. Not here.”

He almost flings you off and punches him anyway, but your eyes are wide and frightened. “Don’t ever fuckin’ touch my wife again.” He spits, shoving the asshole away from him. The man nods and quickly disappears into the crowd. Joel turns towards you and his scowl is fierce. “What the fuck are you doing here? You didn’t tell me? What are you thinking?” He shouts.

You scoff, “I thought you’d be with Tess. Why did you follow me here? I wanted one fucking night without being trapped in your goddamn house!” You shout back, the music blaring around you.

“Tess?” He frowns even harder, hurt that you don’t want to be around him. “What the fuck are you talking about? What does Tess have to do with you sneaking out? You wanted to go out? I could have brought you to a better club.”

You shake your head, pushing his chest, “you fucked her last night. Don’t lie to me. I saw her leaving your room this morning. She fucking smirked at me.” You shout at him, shaking your head and turning it to hide the tears welling in your eyes.

His eyes widen, realizing that you must have seen Tess leaving this morning. You get two steps away from him before he’s chasing after you, grabbing your arm and turning you around. “I didn’t fuck her!” He shouts back over the music. “I haven’t fucked-“ he shakes his head and lets go of your arm. “Never mind, you won’t believe me anyway.”

You swallow harshly, “I- I need some air.” You tell him, pushing your way through the gyrating crowd, your clutch in your hand and you inhale deeply once you’re outside in the cool air. Joel isn’t too far behind you and you wipe your eyes, looking over at your husband. “I don’t know why you followed me here tonight.” You scoff at Joel who shakes his head.

“I have enemies, baby. If one of them had followed you…got to you…” He trails off and you chuckle humorlessly, “well, they would’ve done you a favor. Gotten rid of me. Saved you the job.”

“I’m not getting rid of you.” He slaps his hands against his thighs and wonders why you are being so fucking difficult. “Don’t fucking talk like that.” He growls, furious at the thought of you being hurt because of him.

“Why?” You hiss, turning back towards him, “you don’t love me like I love you. You don’t want me. You- you want Tess. You want someone skinnier, prettier. You want someone you can show off. I haven’t met anyone from your family or friends. I haven’t even met Tommy’s wife. You don’t want them knowing you married the fat girl. I know you only married me so I’d keep my mouth shut but the case is closed. The DA office released the news this afternoon. No leads. Cold case. It’s done. So just divorce me so I can go back to my life because you don’t love me. God, I’m such an idiot. I fell in love with you and I’m - please. Just let me go.” You beg, unable to take his back and forth.

Joel frowns and shakes his head. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He demands. “I kept you from meeting everyone because you don’t want to stay with me!” He shoves a hand through his hair. “You can’t - every time we are together you fucking tell me how you can’t wait to go back to your life. I’m a fucking criminal! You can’t be a fucking district attorney married to a criminal!”

You choke on a sob, hating how complicated your life has become. For years, you’ve wanted to find someone, fall in love, get married. It’s happened but in the most confusing way possible. “I quit. I quit today. I can’t be a DA after watching what Tommy did. It’s not - it’s not moral so I quit my job. I tell you I can’t wait to get back to my life because that’s what I thought you wanted. To get rid of me when the case was closed by the DA and the police. I miss my old life but not for the reason you think. I miss having my freedom but most of all, I miss not being in love with you. Not feeling so much goddamn pain because you won’t ever feel the same.”

He stares at you for a moment, nearly panting, he’s breathing so hard. “I- you quit?” He whispers, shaking his head. “You quit the D.A.’s office?” You nod and he grabs you again and pulls you closer. “You’re never fuckin’ leaving.” He rasps out. “Never. I didn’t fuck Tess. I couldn’t. Not when-“ he swallows. “Not when I love you.”

Your eyes widen as he pulls you into his chest and you shouldn’t but you believe him. You believe he didn’t fuck her. “I- I love you. I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay with you.” You promise, sliding your hand up his chest until you can tangle your fingers in his hair. “I love you, Joel.” You murmur, “I love you.”

“I love you, baby.” He promises roughly. Nudging his nose against yours. “You’re mine. You told me you were mine and I’m keeping you.” He growls, pressing his lips to yours and slides his tongue into your mouth possessively.

You moan into his mouth, feeling him push you back into the wall of the club and passersby stare but you don’t care. Your heart pounding in your chest as your husband kisses you. He pulls back after a moment and your breath mingles, “take me home, Miller.” You order, wanting him to take you home and to his bed. Joel nods, summoning the valet to get his car and you’re soon on your way back to his estate. You text your friend, apologizing and she says she doesn’t mind, she’s found a guy to occupy her and you tell her to be safe. Joel squeezes your hand as he drives and you frown, shifting to look at him. “How did you know where I was?” You ask and he tells you about Ellie. “Of course.” You chuckle softly, knowing the teenager is nothing if not a talker.

“She loves you, you know? Wanted to tell me because she wants you to be safe.” He says and you nod, “I love her. She’s funny and she makes you smile with her silly puns. How could I not love her?” You ask him.

Joel nods, sighing softly. “She’s not had it easy. Hell, I’ve not had it easy, but she’s a good kid. A pain in my ass, but a good kid. She’s - well, she’s the entire reason I decided to marry you.” He reveals.

Your eyebrows raise, “she was?” You ask, surprised by the news and you wonder what Ellie could’ve said to have made him decide to marry you instead of kill you.

“Yeah.” Joel nods and looks back at the road. “She’s never had a mother or a mother-like figure. Tess sure as shit isn’t one. Not since she lost her husband and son ten years ago.” He tells you. “You- your worry was for your sister, your niece. You were terrified of marrying me but you would do it to protect them. I wanted Ellie to be around a woman like that, like you.” He tells you softly. “She reminds me of Sarah.”

You have heard the name before but haven’t asked him. You know from Ellie that Joel was married before, years ago, but there was never a good time to ask him about it. “Sarah?” You ask softly, wanting him to talk about it only if he wants to.

“My- my daughter.” He reveals quietly, feeling your shocked stare on him as he drives. He doesn’t look over at you, unsure of what your reaction will be. “My ex-wife and I were young, too fuckin’ young. I got her pregnant and after Sarah was born, she decided she didn’t want to be a wife and mother.” He shakes his head, unable to imagine leaving Sarah behind. “I raised her by myself. I wasn’t in the business. I was determined to keep Sarah out of it. I built houses. Me ‘n Tommy had a construction business. I was pretty good. Until….” He bites his lip. “My uncle died and it started a fuckin’ mafia power struggle. They came after me and….” He cuts himself off, gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles are turning white. “She was twelve.” He tells you. “Just a little girl.”

Your eyes widen, “she -?” You can’t vocalize it and tears sting in your eyes. “Oh Joel.” You choke and he swallows harshly.

“It was another - to get power. They thought I’d crumble after losing her. I did…until I came back with a vengeance. I’ve done things…things that shouldn’t allow me to touch you, let alone be loved by you. I’ve sinned.” He confesses and you reach for his hand again.

“Baby, oh- I'm so sorry.” You sob, leaning down to kiss the back of his hand.

He’s surprised that you are trying to comfort him. He had expected you to demand to know what he’s done. His eyes flutter and then open quickly to watch the road. “You said you felt trapped.” He reminds you softly. “Do you- you don’t like living with me?”

You shake your head, leaning back to look at him. “I like living with you but baby, I want to love living with you. I want to share a room. I want to share our lives. I want to share everything with you.”

“Tess was drunk last night.” He admits quietly. “She wanted me to fuck her, but I told her no. Told her that I was married. She begged to just sleep beside me one last time, she knew it was over. I swear to you that I didn’t fuck her. It’s just been you.”

You are surprised at the way she begged him to fuck her but not shocked. Your heart pounds when you hear him confess it’s been you, only you. “I believe you. If I find out otherwise, I don’t care what you do for a living, I’ll chop your balls off.” You promise, knowing you have to stand your ground.

He smirks when he stops at the red light, looking over at you and nodding. “I’ll give you the knife, baby.” He tells you. “I’ve done a lot of shit I’m not proud of, but I’m no piece of shit cheater.”

You smile, knowing his morality will be a gray area for you, but you knew what you were getting into you. You love him. The real him and you won’t deny that. You want to spend the rest of your life with Joel. “I want you to take me home and make love to me. Not rough. Just the two of us. Take our time.” You tell him, kissing the back of his hand again.

Joel nods, knowing that he needs to show you some tenderness. Show you how he feels. You aren’t just some woman he’s fucking, you’re his wife and apparently, you want to stay his wife. “I can do that.” He promises. “I can be gentle. I want to show you.”

You want Joel to show you some softness. When you arrive back at the estate, he opens the door for you and escorts you inside and upstairs. You head to your room but he takes your hand, guiding you to his. A room you have never been in before. “Are you sure, baby?” You ask, knowing that he has always considered this room to be off limits to everyone, including you despite you being married on paper.

“Yes.” He nods. “The sheets have been changed, I want you in my bed. I want you to stay with me, sleep beside me.” He murmurs softly. You bite your lip and he opens the door and guides you inside, closing it behind him. It’s masculine, dark, heavy furniture but there are multiple pillows on the bed. Minimal and clean, just the way he likes it.

You admire the bedroom, large and imposing like him but simple and masculine. You like it, it feels like him. You turn to face him, tilting up to kiss his neck softly, your hands working on the buttons of his shirt. You want to see all of him. “I love you.” You murmur, kissing his chin.

“I love you too.” His hands slide down to pick up the bottom of your dress. “Wanted to punch that asshole, grinding against you.” He growls. “Thinking he had a chance with you.”

You shake your head as he pulls your dress over your body. “He never did. I was trying to push him away. Only you. It’s only you.” You promise him and gasp when he drops your dress to the floor and his hands find your ass, tugging you up against his body. You reach between you, working on his belt and you are able to pull it out from the loops without moving away from him. “I’m yours.” You promise, showing him your hand with the ring he placed on your finger.

“Mine.” He agrees, leaning in to kiss your hand and he brings it to his chest. He closes his eyes and sighs softly before he looks at you again. “You’re so beautiful.” He tells you quietly. “The first thing I thought when I saw you was that you were pretty.” He reaches out and traces the edge of your bra. “Let me see you, baby.”

You reach behind you to unclasp your bra, “even when I was blindfolded.” You tease and he nods, “even then.” Your heart melts and you reach down to unbutton his jeans, unzipping them and pulling the zipper down. You reach in to grip his cock, hard and throbbing for you, and that thrills you

“Shit.” He hisses, rocking his hips forward. “Want you to sit on my face.” He’s wanted you to before now, but you’ve always resisted. He knows it’s your self-image preventing it, but he wants to see you ride his tongue. “Do it for me, baby.”

Your stomach twists and you’re nervous. “I- baby. I don’t want to hurt you.” You shake your head but his fingers dig into your ass.

“You won’t.” He insists and You concede. “If i hurt you-” You trail off and he scoffs, “you won’t.” You poke his chest, “you tell me.” You insist and he snorts but nods. You step out of your shoes and push your panties down, waiting for him to get situated.

Joel peels his pants down and lays down on the bed, watching you hungrily and you awkwardly kneel on the bed. “You aren’t going to hurt me, baby. I promise you, I can push you off if I need to.” He understands your hesitation, but he’s salivating at the idea of having your pussy sitting on his face.

You shift to straddle his chest and he tuts, grabbing your ass to pull you up so you are hovering over his face. He groans at the sight of your dripping cunt and you gasp when his tongue snakes out to slide through your folds. “Fuck baby.” You moan, lowering your hips unconsciously and he groans your name when you start to relax and rest your weight over him.

He holds your hips, needing to be able to pull you back down if you shift to lift off of him. Groaning into your pussy happily when you roll your hips. His tongue flicking over your clit and then back down to push up inside you.

“Fuck.” You gasp, tilting your head back and your hands come up to grip the headboard. “Joel. Oh God. That feels so good.” You confess breathlessly as he pushes his tongue deep inside of you. You moan when his tongue flicks over your clit again and you forget to keep your posture stiff as you relax even more.

Time is completely suspended, all he cares about is making you feel good. His cock throbs and spurts pre-cum as he feels the first flood of your juices soak his mouth and you haven’t even cum yet. Groaning into your flesh as he devours you.

You feel like you are floating, his mouth on your clit and his tongue pushing deep inside of you. You finally give in to the feelings and grind down onto his face. “Oh fuck Joel. It’s - you’re too good. So good baby.” You whimper, feeling like you could die and be happy. He makes you feel like you are on cloud nine. “Oh God. I love you.” You whine, fingers gripping the headboard.

He can’t talk, but he squeezes your hips, eager to hear you say that again. He loves you, he knows he does. You’ve burrowed your way into his cold heart like Ellie has and he would murder for you, he would die for you.

You are so close. Grinding down onto his face a little more. “Fuck baby. I love you. I’m gonna cum- I’m gonna - oh shit!” You hiss, thighs pressing against his head and you worry in the back of your mind if you’re suffocating him.

Joel groans, eyes fluttering closed as he works you through the most satisfying orgasm he’s ever pulled out of you. He knows you love it from how you are moaning and panting his name.

You try to catch your breath, your heart racing and your chest heaving as you relax from your orgasm. “Baby. Oh God. That was-” You pant, shifting off of his face and you shuffle down his body until you are kneeling between his legs. You reach out to grip his cock and take him into your mouth.

“Shit.” You’ve blown him, of course you have. You’ve been fucking for two months, but tonight, you seem desperate to suck his fucking soul out through his cock. “Oh fuck, baby, god damn you have such a good mouth.” His toes curl and his legs twitch when you reach down and fondle his balls in your hand.

You watch him, his eyes closing and his fingers find the back of your head. You pull off of his cock for a moment, continuing to pump him in your hand. “I love you, my handsome husband.” You coo, taking him back into your mouth until he’s pulling you off of him.

“I need to be inside you, baby.” He pants, pulling you up and rolling you over in one smooth move. “I love you, my sexy wife.” He growls, biting your bottom lip and smirking at you.

You smile against his mouth, caressing his cheeks as he hovers over you. You lift your legs up to wrap around his waist and he shuffles closer on his knees, reaching down to grip his cock so he can start to push inside of you. “I love you.” You sigh when he’s fully inside of you, feeling like you’re where you belong.

“I love you too.” He groans quietly, pushing his arms underneath your back and holding you close. He wants to be as close as he can as he kisses your lips.

You whimper and he starts to move inside of you, making you cling to him. There’s nothing rough, no choking, no spanking. It’s soft and sweet and everything you’ve ever wanted from your marriage, from your husband. “Feel so good. Always feel so good. No one has ever made me feel this way before.”

“Good.” He chokes out, burrowing his face into your neck and inhaling your sweet scent. “You are so soft and perfect. You take me when I’m rough and beg for more.” He praises you softly. “And I want more of this. More intimacy. Soft. I’ll be soft for you.”

You know he will give you that, he’s showing now that he’s capable of that and you understand his rougher side. You enjoy it but this makes you feel so connected to Joel. “I love all of you. Every side of you. Whatever you give me. I want it all.” You promise breathlessly, caressing his back and one hand slides up to run your fingers through his hair.

Joel practically purrs when your fingers are in his hair. His hips slow down and he barely rocks into you. “I- I never would have killed you. Or your sister.” He promises you. “I don’t hurt women or kids.”

You know that now, understanding his character, and you want to tell your sister about your husband, have her meet him. “I know, baby. I know that now. I know you are good. Deep down, you’re a good man.” You assure him, kissing his neck. “I love that about you. Only I know that you’re good. Me and Ellie know.” You promise, rocking your hips up to meet his.

He’s overwhelmed that you believe in him so firmly. His heart is pounding and he knows that you are his purpose, you and Ellie. He will take care of you and her until he takes his last breath.

You aren’t sure how much time passes, it seems like you spend hours under the rocking of his hips until he shifts and presses his fingers to your clit. “Want you to cum for me, baby.” He murmurs into your neck and you whine, bucking up into his touch.

“Yes. Yes. Going to cum for you.” You promise, walls fluttering around his cock.

Joel kisses you tenderly, feeling your pulse jump under his lips. “Love you so much baby, you’re so good.” He praises, noting how much you preen under the compliments. You deserve them. You deserve better than him but by some miracle, you love him. “So perfect for me. My beautiful, sexy woman.”

You gasp, clamping down on his cock, unable to stop yourself with the raspy compliments he pours into your ear. “Oh. Oh. Oh.” You pant, clenching your eyes shut as you cum, soaking him with your juices.

“That’s it, that’s it darlin’.” He groans, his tongue lapping at your salty skin as he works you through your orgasm and chases his own. “Feels so fuckin’ good.”

You need him to fill you up. “Cum for me. Cum for me, Joel.” You plead into his neck, nails digging into his flesh as he rocks into you, his hips slapping against your thighs and there’s nothing but the two of you in this moment. He pushes deep a half dozen thrusts later, he’s spilling into you, painting your walls, and you love it. You love him. You hum, closing your eyes as he rests his head on your chest, his breath puffing hot on your skin.

Joel feels like he’s pulled apart. His heart bursting happily as he catches his breath. “I love you.” He sighs. It might not have been ideal for you to witness Tommy murdering someone, it scared you and he hates that. But being a mafia boss brought you into his life and he’s grateful for that. Happy to have you as his wife, forever.

#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x plus size reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #tlou hbo #joel miller imagine #mob au #mob boss joel miller

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imtryingbuck · 6 months

Text

Divorce Always Comes With A Price.

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky confesses to having an affair and wants a divorce

Word count: 1023

Warnings: Angst. That’s all.

A/N: there’s going to be a second part.

Masterlist

Part 2

The skies start to turn dark even with the sun shining brightly, if you didn’t know any better, you’d think it was forewarning for what’s to come.

Taking a deep breath, you look up at the sky to see the birds flying freely with no care in the world. Looking around there’s two paramedics sitting in the van waiting for another call to come through, seeing two young new parents with their bundle of joy waiting for a car to pull up. You smile. Then your pushed to the side. A man in a suit on his phone talking rather loudly about how long he had to wait to be seen. You still smile. That’s when your phone goes off and you see the notification that your Uber has arrived.

Marty your driver talks about his wife and three children with so much passion and love you just simply can’t wipe the smile off your face. When it’s time to depart you tip him twice the charge and wish him all the best. Walking into the lobby of the huge building, smiling at everyone you come across. With the news that the doctors told you, you just can’t stop appreciating everything and everyone. Stepping out of the elevator your heart soars seeing your family gathered around.

Bucky shoots straight to his feet and before you can say anything he hands you a folder.

Not looking at you he speaks in a voice you can only describe as detached “I want a divorce I need you to sign these. I’ve been having an affair for the past 4 months and I love her”.

The smile you’ve been wearing drops along with your heart. The air is cut off. The room is spinning. Your world has ended. Trying so hard not to strutter which fails as you ask “y-y-um you l-lo-ve her?”

This man who’ve been your husband for the past two years boyfriend of three, the man who promised to spend the rest of his life with you, is same man that can’t even look you in the eyes as he breaks your heart in to smithereens. He nods. With your his families eyes on you, you do the same. With a shaky hand you take the pen out of James’s outstretched one. With a stuttering breath you sign your name.

You dare yourself to take one last look at his handsome face before you fall backwards and walk out, no one utters a single word. It feels like time stands still as you wait for the elevator doors to open.

It’s only once you’re outside you realise there’s tears pouring out of your eyes. How long they have been falling is unknown to you. You have no idea how long you’ve been standing still like a statue in front of the building doors. It’s only when you hear the mighty rumble up above you take notice of the rain, its only then you take a step forward then the next and the next. You don’t even realise you’ve walked all the way back to your home drenched head to toe and shivering but you barely flinch.

How you’ve done it is lost on you but you’ve packed all your things up. This isn’t your home, it’s Bucky’s he brought it. Your best friends at the door helping you get everything out, he brings you into a tight hug whispering ‘everything going to be ok’ it’s not. And you’re the only one who knows it.

It’s been a month since that day, and it’ll be the first time today that you’ll be seeing him again. Staying with Matt for the past four weeks has been okay, you just wish you could wake up from this nightmare and be at home with your husband. Not your husband idiot, he’s with someone else now. He’s divorcing you to be with her. He loves her not you. Idiot. Wishing the voices in your head would leave you just like your husband did.

He still looks the same, still smells the same. Still not looking in your direction which you’re grateful for, if he did you’d break down in a fit of tears.

“—I don’t want anything in the divorce, he can keep the house the money, everything. I will have no use for that stuff” you speak in a soft way. And with that it’s done. You’re no longer Y/N Barnes, you’re no longer married to James Buchanan Barnes. You take your leave as fast as you possibly can. You can’t bear to spend another minute around him. As you begin to walk down the corridor with Matt and Foggy on either side of you, you seem them. The people that were your family sitting there on the benches waiting for your now ex-husband, they all bore sad expressions but it’s not them you pay attention to no it’s the brunette-haired woman you’ve never seen before. She’s gorgeous. You take a wild guess and assume she’s the woman Bucky had an affair with. Your heart breaks. But you can see why he loves her. Your feet start to slow down on their own accord Matt notices so ever so gently he grabs your hand and gives a small smile.

Getting back to the apartment where you’ve been staying with Matt you finally let the floodgates open and you make no effort at all to make them stop. Matt stands there not knowing what to say or do, nothing he can say will make this pain go away. So he does the same thing he’s done for the past month, he holds you, he holds you so tightly hating the universe for doing this to such a beautiful, incredible loving person. Hating James for causing you grief, hating the other woman even though he doesn’t know her, hating the all mighty avengers for not doing anything for you. Hating how even with the pain and turmoil you’ve been feeling this past month you can’t find it in yourself to hate the person who’s done this to you. He continues to hold you long after you pass out.

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

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spidybaby · 6 months

Note

i need a toxic pedri he's jealous of your friendship with Gavi because when they both meet you Gavi had a crush on you that he never confess because Pedro made a move first

Bad kind of butterflies

Summary: Pedri let the insecurities of his friend become his own. Ruining his own relationship and friendship.

Warnings: cursing, asshole!Pedri, toxic relationship, asshole!Eric, fighting, drunk driving.

Part two

Your relationship is not new. You have been together for almost three years now. You will describe the relationship as something lovely and where the two of you support each other.

You will go to every game he has, every competition for the team, supporting his new line, loving his photoshoots, and watching every interview.

Him, he would support you through everything. He will drop you off at college. Even if you didn't agree at first, he would help you study. Always loving how smart and dedicated you're to became a professional.

But if you ask someone in your circle their opinions about the relationship, they would say that you became toxic.

Well, you, it is a misunderstanding. He became toxic.

You meet the team thanks to your friend Sira, she was dating Ferran and he introduced you to his circle.

The circle in question was Gavi, Eric, Alejandro, and Pedri.

When you meet them, your eyes only focused on the dark-haired boy. To him, it was the same. He was quick to make conversation, taking any other friend the opportunity to do it.

But you became closer to the other guys, specifically with Pablo. He became your friend quickly. He was such a supportive friend. And the best part was that he was the best friend of your boyfriend.

Pedro wasn't the jealous type. Sure, he got jealous from time to time, like a normal person. But he wasn't one to feel jealous of other people around.

Being an elite football player makes him feel less insecure than the others. He knew he was all that, and you made him feel even more like all that.

You always made him feel like the center of the universe, and he reciprocated that feeling for you. Having all the girls throwing themselves at him at first made you feel insecure, but he quickly told off that feeling with actions that proved to you he was a loyal one.

To him, everything changed when Eric one night called him drunk, asking him to pick him up from this bar in Barcelona.

When he, as a friend, went there and picked him up, he took him to his house, Eric didn't even knew where his keys were.

Eric was drunk crying, confessing that his girlfriend cheated on him with dude she met at college. How he was so heartbroken.

Naturally, he felt super bad for him, and the thoughts came, the insecurities got to his head.

He called you, knowing you were doing some homework and were pulling an all nighter.

"Hi, mi amor."

"Hey, am I bothering you?"

"When have you ever bother me?"

He fell quiet. He was answering that question on his mind, all the times he asked you to drop something to go to his games, all the times he asked you to move all you thing to his house so he could spend time with you, making you uncomfortable while studying.

"Pedri? Amor?"

"I'm here, I'm just tired."

But you were tired too, it was almost two am. And to him, it was easy. He had a free day, but you were going to wake up really early to go to class. Even if you had only one hour of sleep.

"Don't you want to come over? I'm almost done, and we can cuddle in bed."

"You need sleep."

"So do you, so if you want, the invitation is still there. I'm going to be here for another half hour."

He drove over to your place, wanting to take these insecure thoughts out of his mind.

And you did take all that out of his mind by showing him that he was the only one you wanted by your side.

After that, he was a big support for Eric. He wanted his friend to feel better. He invited him to stay a few hours after practice.

Pablo was helping Pedro with supporting their friend. He brought some candies and things to make him feel better.

They spent most days after practice playing fifa and chatting. Ferran then joined the heartbreak club, Sira and him called it quits.

Ferran felt uncomfortable with you around, so you told Pedro that you were meeting him when they left the house.

Mostly because you didn't want his friends to feel some type of way about you.

The second time Pedro felt different about the relationship was the night Eric confessed something to him.

"I don't know how you can be so open with Gavi about your relationship."

"Gavi is mine and my girlfriend friend. I don't see the problem."

"But aren't you uncomfortable about his crush on your girlfriend?"

Pedro stopped on his tracks. He was confused about why Eric would think that. Gavi never gave any signs about him liking you.

"No sé a que te refieres con eso." (I don't know what you mean by that.")

"No me vengas a decir que no sabes." (Don't tell me you don't know)

"I think you're confused. Just because Gavi is friendly with her doesn't mean he has a crush."

He thought he let it go. But was laying down in bad with you. You were telling him about a video Pablo sent you of a recipe.

Pablo had a crush on you?

But this time, he did brush that off. Not believing his friend would have a crush on his girlfriend.

"Hey, maybe we can do something this weekend?"

"I thought we were having a movie marathon with Pablo. You wanted to see all the conjuring movies, bebé"

He graps his arms around while putting your phone away from you, kissing you cheek and neck.

"Maybe I just want you to myself."

The way his kisses feel on your skin, the intoxicating sensation he makes you feel with his fingers.

"All to myself." He whispers, kissing your lips while he pounds into you.

Your moans all to himself, your lips letting his name out, his lips marking your skin.

His and only his.

🪷🪷🪷

"Let me call my girlfriend, and we are on our way."

Pedri, dial your number. He let the call on Bluetooth while turning the car on. The beep goes once, twice, and then into voice mail. You rejected his call.

"Ohhh, someone's getting rejected." Ferran laughs. He loves to pick on him to get a reaction.

"Oh shut up, she's just busy."

He dials your number again, making his way out of his garage.

"Hello, Y/n is in the bathroom. She will call you when she's out." The voice of a man makes him press the break hard. He hung up without Pedri being able to talk.

Ferran and eric laugh as hard as they can. The expression on their friend is a shocked one, his mouth open and brows furrowed.

"Wait that was so fucking funny, he hang up on you."

"Where did you say she was?" Eric asks, "Well, it doesn't matter cause she was busy, and that dude was kinda in a rush to hang up."

"Okay, stop it, Eric." Ferran warns him. "She's probably studying and you heard the dude she's in the bathroom."

"Don't know, that's what my bitch of an ex used to told me 《oh Eric, I was busy studying》, yeah studying another boy's dick."

"She's not like that." Pedri finally says, closing the garage with the control. "She's on finals."

"If you say so." Eric lifts his hands as a piece sign. "Let's just drive, we're going to be late."

The drive was silent, Ferran tried to make conversation, but Pedri and his single answers were not it.

His ring tone interrupts the silence. He presses the green button on his wheel. "Hola hermosa."

"Hola, I'm sorry I didn't answer. I left my phone here while using the bathroom, and Kyle answered the phone."

"Ohhh Kyle." Eric whispers to them.

Ferran pushed him back to the seat. Whispering him to shut up.

"It's okay, I was just calling to check on you."

"Stop it, Eric." Ferran warns once he sees Eric was about to speak again.

"I'm fine, Kyle is dropping me home, I can ask him to drop me at your place if you're free."

"I'm actually with Ferran and Eric, but feel free to go there and relax. You have some clothes there and you can order some takeout. I'll join you in a while."

"Okay, I'll be waiting for you, te amo."

"Yo más, goodbye baby."

He can feel a relief that was unexpected. He knew Kyle. He was your friend and study buddy since the beginning.

"Good thing she was just using the bathroom, right Eric?" Ferran pinch him. Making him yelp. "Fucking say it." He whispers.

"Yes, she was using the bathroom." He says with a bored tone. Making ferran roll his eyes.

The mood for Pedri changed. He was now talking, and Ferran noticed that. They made some jokes until they parked outside of the place they're going to.

The time they spent there was nice. You texted Pedri that you were at his place, a picture attached where you sent him a kiss with the "have fun" text next to it.

But he wanted to hurry up, feeling like cuddling you, like kissing you. Ferran also wanted to keep the stay a little shorter, wanting to relax at home with his family.

They dropped Eric first, saying their goodbyes to their teammate. Ferran knew he wanted to speak about the call incident.

"I want to tell you something."

"Yeah, whatever you want tiburón."

"Eric, he's still not in the right place about his breakup. And that doesn't mean he's allowed to put ideas in your head. Don't let him do that."

"He's just, so fucking extra sometimes." He sighs, wrapping hard on the steering wheel. "I know he's hurt, and sometimes he just projects on me and y/n."

"Don't let him do that." Ferran pats his arm. "I know that with the whole Sira breakup thing, her and me haven't really talked. But she's a nice girl, I know her."

"Yeah, she used to come over after you left so you didn't feel uncomfortable."

"Such a sweetheart." He laughs. "But I'm serious. She's a nice one. Take care of her."

"I will, I love her."

Ferran got out of the car after telling him to tell you hello. Thing he said once he was wrapped in your arms, watching a movie and eating takeout.

After that night

Two weeks has passed, two weeks where the texts, the calls and the meetings were barely there.

You were on your last year of college, and these finals were very important for you. If you pointed well you were able to get more job opportunities.

Pedri felt frustrated. He knew he shouldn't let Eric fucked up with his mind. But he also doesn't want his friend to feel pushed away.

He trusts you with his life. He wanted the long run with you. And nobody was getting in the way of that.

Today was your last final, the last one of the whole curriculum. You were extra excited about it.

Asking Pedri to pick you up so you can go get something to eat after in a celebration mode. He bought flowers for you and a special charm for your bracelet. He knows you love collecting charms for extra special moments.

He parks under a three, a little far more than usual, but he doesn't want to be seen. Wanting all his attention on you.

You texted him that you were out of the test and to send you where he was, wanting to walk to relieve the last bit of stress.

"Are you going to the party?" Kyle asks you.

"Obvio, I'm not missing this. It's all I need"

"Same, I'm ready to chug a whole bottle of reposado."

"Añejo is better, Ky."

Kyle walked you over to Pedri's car, feeling the same about walking to leave the stress of the test.

"Are we doing shots and partnering in beer pong?"

"Duh, you're the only person I would to this with. Nobody does it like you."

Pedri has his window a little down. He can hear the conversation, but to his "luck," he only heard the last five words.

He takes eyes on the way Kyle says goodbye to you, the way his hands are a little more down than necessary.

He squint his eyes, getting that out of his mind. He trusts you. He does.

"Hola, mi amor." You say, closing the car door.

You grab his face into your hands, giving him a kiss. Thing he reciprocate, missing the taste of you and the way you smell.

"Te amo." You say, pecking him "I missed you, bebé."

"You have me all to yourself, princesa." He pecks you back. "Let's go, I made reservations to your favorite stake place."

You grab your backpack to move it to the back of the car, your eyes lay on the bouquet of peonies, and the Tiffany box.

"A little something for you." He squish your thigh.

You grab the bouquet, smelling the flowers. "I love it, I love you"

"I love you more. You're such a smart girl."

You take a picture of the bouquet, posting it to your close friends with the text "blessed with him ❤️" tagging him, even tho he can't repost it.

The food was exquisite. You loved the place. He was breaking his diet, but he was doing it for a good reason.

"I have a party today, do you want to come with me?"

"I have to go to the gym with the team, but I can join after."

"You will be tired, it's okay." You say, feeding him some ice cream. "I'm asking Kyle to pick me up on his way there, we will take an Uber because we both want to drink."

He tense at the name of your friend. He feels so bad about the way his body reacts to things he never felt worried about.

"I can drop you guys off, and tomorrow I don't have to play so I can pick you up when you're ready to go home."

You nod smiling. "I'll text Ky, thank you, amor."

He can't help the guilt. He's doing this so he can prevent you from being alone in an Uber with Kyle. Not because he wants to take you there.

You text your friend, who asks you to thank him. Kyle never met Pedri due to always being a lap of schedules that made them not met.

Back on your way home, you were singing some Quevedo. You were happy and nothing can take that feeling away.

"Open your other gift." He parks the car in the parking lot of your building.

You do as you're told, seeing the silver charm with tiny crystals. You smile, asking him to help with locking it in place.

"I love you, you didn't have to. Thank you."

"I love you, smart girl. You deserve more than that."

He kisses you goodbye, observing you while you go into the elevator and then going into practice.

The gym training was boring. He was with Marc Guiu, Ter Stegen, Fermin, and Araujo, but the exercises were solo ones.

Ter Stegen was telling them a story about something that happened to him with a fan. Everybody was laughing and chatting.

In the end, he and Fermin were the last ones to pick their things. They were chatting while walking outside.

"How is College?"

"It's great, crazy. More now that I'm with the first team."

"You're a heartbreaker." He laughs. "Too many girls?"

"I'm interested in one. But I don't know, he's very shy and very focused in college." He sighs. "And I'm a football player."

"Shoot your shot. My girlfriend just finished college, and we have been together since her third year."

"Will do, take care." He waves Pedro goodbye.

He drove over to your house. He was waiting for you to get ready while he crashed your bed.

"I forgot to bring snacks." He pout, he was craving something.

"I have the crackers your doctor approved." You kiss his cheek, "go get them."

He walks with such no motivation to your kitchen, opening the drawer where you order all your snacks.

He found a box of chocolate with a bite attached. "For my smart girl. K❤️" He throws the box back into the drawer. Appetite gone.

"What if you stay here with me?" He asks, using the frame of the door as a recliner. "I just feel like I haven't seen you in so long."

"Well. I'm all yours after the party."

"So you're not even considering not going to stay with me?"

You turn to him, not sure why he's acting like that when he's the one who encourages you to go out and relax. "Are you okay?"

"No, you don't want to spend time with me. You just want to party and be with your friends and I have feelings too, I miss you too. I'm just tired."

"Amor, you can go home and call it a night. You don't need me for that. I can ask Sira to pick me up and drop me off."

"That's not the point." He squinted his eyes mad. "You prefer to go out than to spend time with me."

"Pedro, relax!" You say, tone serious. "I've been planning to go to this party for a good month now. I help with it. Im not missing it. I deserve this after my hard work."

"That's not the point." He says, angry out of nowhere. "You don't get it." He grabs his wallet and keys, walking out of the room.

"Pedro, seriously?" You can't believe he's walking out like that. "Pedro!"

You hear the door closing. You wanted to go out and ask him to stay, but you didn't. You gave him his time. He's tired and just having a bad night, you think.

You text Sira, asking her to come over so you can go together. Thing she agreed on, texting Kyle that you were picking him up with Sira.

"I love your shorts." Sira says, smacking you. "But that top, maybe a staples one?"

"I like this, I'm not feeling like wearing a strapless."

"Okay, what's with the face?" She grab you by the shoulders, making you turn. "Why are you so blue?"

"Pedro was here. He was supposed to drop me off, but he told me I was only interested in the party and not on him."

"What?" Sira's face is a poem. She has this doubtful expression. "Pedro as in Pedri? What the hell?"

"Maybe he's right." You feel guilty. "Maybe he's going through something, and he doesn't know how to tell me."

"Well, guilt tripping you is not the answer." She hugs you. "We're going, and you're having fun."

You nod, still feeling guilty over going and not calling to fix things with him.

"Now, help me with my makeup." She sits at your vanity. "Hey, stop. You deserve to have fun."

You smile, repeating her words. You deserve to have fun. You grab her makeup bag, helping her with her base and eyeshadow.

Once you're ready, you take out a mini bottle of patron and two shot glasses. Pre gaming with her. "Hey, slow down, you're driving."

"I can do both perfectly, you know that."

You do another shot and left to pick your friend. The trip there was fun, singing with her and Kyle to this Nicki Minaj song.

The party was great, you can say you did drink a little bit more than usual, feeling a bad taste on your mouth after the fight.

"Okay, chug chug chug," Sira cheers you, as you and Karla, your friend in common, are competing on who can drink a long island the fastest.

"Ughh, that was disgusting." You say laughing. "I need a bathroom, I'm going to throw up."

You grab someone's hand, dragging this person to the bathroom with you. You never throw up while drinking, but this time, you kinda get a little crazy on mixing.

"You have luck I have a strong stomach."

"I want my bed." You whisper. "And a blanket."

"Okay, stay here, I'm bringing you water and a mint cause iugh. And I'm asking Sira to go."

"Love you, Ky." You hug his leg, making him laugh. "You're my bestie. Am I your bestie?"

"Sadly, you and your week stomach are my besties." He pets you in the head.

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Pedri was home, bag under his eyes after not being able to sleep, he wonders if you had a nice night, if you were okay.

He replays the story time and time and time again. Sira was with you, so you were okay. You never leave without the other.

He gets your favorite drink and food, knowing you will have a craving of those.

He knocks on your door. It's already almost night, so he's sure Sira and your other friends are gone.

A very destroyed you open the door. You look like you had a little too much fun. He smiles at your sight.

"I got you some food and a drink."

"Food first." You smile, he hands you the bag and drink. You moan hapilly at the taste of the drink. "Okay, you can come in."

"Had some fun?" He kisses your cheek.

"Mhm, a lot." You say opening the bag. "But I kinda got a little more drunk than normal."

He nods, not sure how to address the situation. But you decide to go first.

"I don't like the way you left last night." You look at him. "You don't act like that. Is there something going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, I just got insecure or something I'm not sure. Perdón."

"I get that, but please don't do that again."

He wraps his arms around you, kissing your neck, promising not to act like that again and to be more open about his feelings.

🪷🪷🪷

"I love the smell of roses." You say grabbing a red rose.

You were hanging around with Kyle. He was supervising the flower shop his parents had. They were one of the most exclusive flower shops in Barcelona.

"You can grab some, mom won't mind."

"If I get an invoice for this, I'm killing you."

He laughs, you pick out of the big wall that was there. You loved how the roses look so pretty, no matter the color.

"You own me lunch."

"I gave you flowers," He says, funny tone. "Isn't that enough?"

"To take me home?" You ask, imitating his tone. "Invite me to dinner first and then we can head home."

You laugh, he picks his things and tells the girls that are there working to keep an eye for him while he eats lunch.

"What do you want and why is it sushi?"

You smile, you like the rice that the sushi places sell, even tho you're not the biggest sushi fan you liked some pieces.

"I want some rice."

You saw the texts of Pedri, ignoring them. You were mad at him.

He told you, not even asked, told you that he didn't want you out with Kyle because he thought that he had feelings for you.

You had a big fight about it. Asking him to leave. You ignored his calls, texts, and even when he went to your house.

Maybe being with Kyle was not the answer, but he was your friend since the beginning of the career.

He was there for you when you had nobody and you reciprocate that for him. Being his support as much as he was your support.

"Are you okay?" He hugs you by the shoulders. "We can go get some pizza if you want."

"Yes, just a little sleepy."

You never told anybody your fights with Pedro, Sira was an exception for time to time. But that time to time was almost never.

You order food, deciding for some sushi rolls. Kyle noticing how sad you were decided that he wanted some sushi and some other things.

"Wait, lemme take a picture for insta"

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Pedro saw the pictures, blood boiling as he thought he was clear about how he didn't feel nice about this dude being your friend.

"What's wrong?" Eric asks, noticing how he threw his phone into his bag.

"This fucking Kyle dude, fucking on my nerves." He sighs. "I told her I don't like him and she's out with him."

"And you're doing nothing about it?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Fucking go to her and ask her to respect you, you're not a fucking college common guy, you're Pedri. Don't forget that."

Ferran wants to say something, but Pedri grabs his bag and runs out of the door.

"You're way out of line." He stops Eric at the corridor. "Stop giving Pedri your stupid advice."

"Stupid advice?" He laughs, "she's probably fucking that dude and you're on her side?"

"She's not like that."

"Just because you want her to help you go back to Sira doesn't mean she's a saint."

"Fucking stop, Eric." He yells. "Keep your problems away from Pedri and his relationship. Just because you weren't man enough for your ex doesn't mean Pedri is like you."

While the two of them yell at each other, Pedri is driving to your place. He needs to talk with you, Eric was right.

You're his girlfriend, and he needs his to feel respected. Thing he's not feeling right now.

He dials your number two times, both ending in voice mail. His anger just grows.

You and Kyle were talking in the parking lot. He needed to go back to the flower shop but also wanted to make sure you're okay.

"You can trust me, I'm not judging."

You feel your tears floot your eyes, you want to believe that Pedro was going through something and that this person who talks to you like that was not the man you love.

You hug your friend, crying in his chest. He didn't ask anything else, he knew you needed time.

"Hey, I'm here. Don't cry." His hands run up and down your back. Thing that smooth you a little.

"I don't know how to explain what's going on." You say, tears falling. "I'm just so confused."

"It's okay, you're okay now."

His hands hugging your body to gave you confort. Thing you can't seem to find.

You heard the loud noise of a car break. Making you turn your head. Pedro was looking at you from the inside of his car.

You push Kyle away from you, but his hands grab your arms. "Kyle, I think you need to go."

"What?" He's confused. Why would you ask him that? and why was your boyfriend looking like he could kill someone?

Pedri slams his car door. You let Kyle go. "Pedri, what are you doing?" You tried to grab his hand but he moved around you to where your friend is. You let a scream out when Pedro's fist impacts Kyle's cheek.

You freeze in shock. The man who's the least confrontational just punched your friend. And the worst part is that it is out of nowhere.

"What the actual fuck?" Kyle screams from the floor. Spitting blood. Lip cut open from the impact. "Are you fucking crazy?"

You can't register what he replied. When he turns around to you. You back off until your body hits his car.

"Get in the car." He grabs you by the wrist, not hurting you but making you walk. Your friend is on the floor, bleeding from the punch your boyfriend gave him.

Pedro puts the seat belt on you, your shock still there, like a fever dream.

You have a nauseous feeling. Just five minutes ago, you were crying about not knowing when he turned into this jealous boy and now he punched your friend.

The drive was silent. You feel hazy, closing your eyes. His breathing is heavy, his hands gripping the wheel so hard to make the leader squeak under his grip.

You feel the car stopping, opening your eyes to see that you're in his house. You don't want to exit the vehicle.

"You punched my friend." You whisper. "Pedro, que carajos?" (What the fuck?)

"Let's go inside." He get out to go to your side to open the door, but you press the lock button. "Y/n, don't play with me. Please get off."

"You punched my friend." You yell this time. "I want to go home. I'm not getting out."

"Get off." He unlocks the door with the control, but you again locked it. "Y/n, please."

"Are you out of your mind?" You ask, crying out of anxiety. "What is wrong with you? This is not you, I want to go."

His expression softens. It's like he's in a state of mind where he can't control himself. You're hyperventilating. Locked in his car.

"Princesa, por favor." He takes a few steps away. "I'm not hurting you, I will never. Just get off and let's talk."

He let you cry, feeling terrible for making you feel insecure around him. Making you feel like he's not your safe place.

"I'm fucking sorry." He says. "I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm not like that, I don't hurt people."

His hand hurts, his heart hurts, and his head hurts.

"Can you please get out of the car?"

You breathe a few times, and you unlock the car and open the door. He wants to have his arms around you.

You notice his hand is red. You know he's not hurting you. He won't. Never did, never will.

"Your hand."

"It doesn't matter."

You grab his wrist, guiding him inside of his house and to his bedroom. Once you're inside, you check for the aid kit.

With a baby wipe and alcohol you clean his hand, and his expression shows pain. You apply some cream to make it better.

"What's on your mind?" You ask, narrowed eyes. "You're not this person. You don't hit people. You don't do shit like this."

"I'm fucking sorry"

"Sorry is not enough."

"Don't say that."

"Pedro, tell me what's going on. Kyle and I have been friends since before you and I even met."

He can't look at you, eyes stick to the ground. You're someone who takes her friendships seriously. You love to nurse your friends, be there for them.

"If I'm with you, that means I'm not looking at any other dudes. Pedro you're the only one for me."

"And you're the only one for me." He finally looks at you. "I don't know what's going on, Eric and his stupid advice are ruining my mind."

"Why are you letting your friend who's bitter about his ex give you relationship advice?" You ask, angry. "Pedro, our relationship is only ours. You don't see me say that Sira or Karla are giving me advice on punching Gavi in the face because you're getting shipped on tik tok."

"I'm dumb. I'm fucking dumb for that."

You rub the rest of the cream, massaging the area to smooth his bruise.

"You're not dumb. You're such a smart man." You press a little harder than necessary, making him hiss. "So I need you to use that intelligence to understand that if you keep doing this shit, you're losing me."

His whole body tense, he can't see a day without you by his side. You're his ride or die. You're the person who taught him how to be a man.

"I can't lose you."

"Well, get your shit together then." You let his hand go, standing up. "Pedro, you're not this person, and I'm not staying if you chose to act like this from now on."

"I'm not, love, please don't go."

He hugs your waist, head on your belly. You feel his shoulders shake. He was crying at the thought of you leaving.

You don't hug him back. You don't caress his back. You don't feel like touching him more than you already did.

"You need to think of what you did. A few days apart will help."

You slowly push his arms away, you wanted to cry, but you know you have to wait till you're alone yo do it.

"Please no."

You got away from him. You take your phone out of your bag, call an Uber, and text your friend to see if you can crash her place.

Sira told you she was close to where you were, and she was picking you up. While that happened, you noticed Pedro crying into his hands.

You take a seat next to him. He's into the idea that he lost you. All because of something that he never even cared about.

"I'm leaving." You say after a while, Sira was outside. "Pedro, I need you to understand why this is happening, you need time to think and so do I."

You kiss his shoulder. Head still in his hands. You walk over to his front door. You want to keep composure, but you didn't even make it to the car when the tears began.

Sira didn't question you. She just started the car on her way to her house. Once you both are in her room, you're crying in her arms, letting all the pain go.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You nod, feeling better now that you let the tears out. She dried your tears with a tissue.

You tell her everything, how the situation went from him not wanting you to go to the party from him punching Kyle and yelling you that it was because of Eric and his advices.

"I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but you should break up with him. He's becoming controlling, and that's not cute."

You shake your head no, you don't want to think about breaking up without fighting for the relationship to work.

"I can help him." You whisper. "He's just letting Eric get into his head."

"Y/n, he punched our friend over a stupid advice."

"He's not like that."

Sira decides to remain silent. She knows you're not hearing anybody. You're too attached to him to even consider the leaving option.

"Okay, I'm here for you whatever you decide."

🪷🪷🪷

Ten days later and Pedro still hasn't heard from you.

He knows you were in Paris and horse riding with Sira. You were also doing other things with your classmates.

You answered his texts with a heart or with another emoji, but you won't answer his calls or FaceTime.

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"Can I have my sunglasses back?"

"No, they fit me better."

"We are wearing the same outfit." You laugh. "Hey I'm sure you will do amazing at your competition."

"I have the best cheerleader." She says, hugging and kissing your cheek. "I love you."

"Love you more." You hug her back. "Thank you for being the for me this past days, I needed that so much."

"Are you calling him today?"

"Yes, it's been almost two weeks, and I think we both had out time to think and calm down."

"Do you know how is him?"

"Gavi updates me on what he's on." You confess. "We been talking a lot, you know I love that kid like a little brother."

"He's nice." She agreed. "I love his eyebrows. They have life."

You both laugh, Gavi does have very active expression eyebrows. Thing that makes him even more memorable.

You return home, thanking her for the day with the horses. You take a shower to relax and think about what you're telling him.

He was doing a lot, sending flowers, texting you every day like he always does. Kyle and you were fine. He was just keeping a little distance for now because he's still very mad at him.

You were finishing your skincare routine when you heard a knock on the door. You ignore it, not wanting to go open the door.

But the knocks sound again after a few minutes, and you roll your eyes. Throwing a hoodie over and walking to the door.

You find a very happy Gavi. He was carrying a box of something and had another bag in his hands.

"Hola." He walks inside. Leaving the box and bag in the kitchen aisle. "I'm a messenger. And I have to give you this."

You check the things, a bag full of your favorite snacks and drinks. And the box is a dozen of your favorite pastries.

"Pedri?" You ask, bitting your lip happyly. "Thank you, messenger."

"I charge one of those." He points at the box. Making you roll your eyes in a funny way. "Please."

"Take two."

He did as told. Using a napkin as a plate.

"Want to see a movie now that you're here?" You smile.

"A scary movie?" He raised his eyebrow. Remembering your chat with Sira, you laugh.

"Yes, a scary movie."

He sends a picture to Pedri, letting him know that you got his message and that they were seeing a movie.

"So, how was Paris?"

"It was amazing, I saw Mbappé." You smile. "And it was a good game. They won."

You chat a little while the movie gets good. You were watching the last movie of the conjuring, the one that Pablo hasn't seen.

"Hey, why don't you come to the photoshot we have with this new kit.

"When is it?" You ask confused, thinking that they already did something like this. "Don't you already did that?"

"Yes, but I mean, they always want more content for social media."

"Is Pedro going?"

"Don't think so. He's in the social media team of Alyssa. We're with Antonia."

"Will go if you take me to his house after."

"Deal."

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You smile at the way Pablo and Alejandro shy out with the camera. They're getting scolded by Antonia.

"I'm sorry guys, but the last video I promise, just smile."

The day went fast. They filmed enough content for a while. Not wanting to keep doing it, Antonia let them go.

"Let's go, madame, we're heading to your prince charming house."

"Can I drive?" You ask, running to the pilot door. "I'm about to get my license."

"What if the police stop us?"

"Then you give them free tickets and we're free"

He laughs, throwing the keys at you. You were so excited about being able to drive. Pedri taught you how to do it. During those late night drives.

"Do you know the way?"

"Of course, my horse." You tap his nose with your finger. You love doing that cause of his facial expression. "Want to know a secret?"

"Si."

"Sira and I love how your eyebrows move depending on your mood."

He blushes, his ex used to say the same thing. His eyebrows had a life.

"They're my best card."

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He told you about the next games and how the team was training hard, things you're used to hearing because of Pedri.

"We're here," you announced to him, who was texting. "Thank you for the drive. Have fun, Pablito."

You both say your goodbyes, you enter Pedro's house with the spare key he gave you.

The house was silent, way too silent for your liking. You knew Fernando was in Tenerife with his parents, so you didn't really find weird not seeing him cooking or working on something.

You left your bag and key in the kitchen aisle, walking upstairs to look up for him.

The sound of the shower gave you an answer of where he was. You can see the steem coming out of the little door opening.

You take your shoes off, walking to the closet and changing into the pajama set you have there. You get into bed, making yourself comfortable in the sheets.

Not even five minutes later, you heard him moving into the bathroom, moving things, even singing lightly to a Quevedo song.

When he's out, he jumps a little, happy but surprised to see you there.

"Me has dejado cagado eh!" (You scare me)

"Perdón, I didn't want to interrupt your shower." You can't help but wonder your eyes up and down his body.

He smirked, walking to where you're to peck your lips. "I missed you. Let me change, and we can talk." You spank his ass when he turned around. "Oye, that's playing dirty."

He was giving you a show, walking around so you could peak at him while he changed. You turn your head so you can focus on the reason on why you were there.

But you didn't mind having an after sex talk with him. In the end, he was the one who needed to make it up to you.

"Ready, princesa." He jumps in bed. Arm around you. "I missed you so much, mi vida"

"So did I." You caress his almost dry hair. "How was your dar, amor?"

"Do you really want to know?" He laughs. "Or should we address the elephant in the room?"

"You're such an inpatient, Pedro." You pinch his cheek. "But yes, sit."

He sits, crossing his legs in front of you. You accommodate his hair, untangling his locks. He grabs your wrists, bringing your hands to his mouth, kissing your knuckles.

"I'm sorry." He began. "You're the most important person in my life. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to let Eric advise me on relationships. But it's not on him. It's on me who did such crazy things like hitting your friend. I'm sorry, I don't want to lose you."

You grab his face, pushing him towards you. Lips collapsing. You fell into bed, lips still attached.

"Please don't do this again." You peck him. "I love you so much."

"I love you, princesa."

"Now love me in the way only you can."

"Will do." He laughs, kneeling and taking his shirt off while you unbutton your own.

🪷🪷🪷

"Wooow, such a model." Pablo says, clapping his hands. "I like this one better than the black one."

"I like this one too." You say observing your reflection. "I think this is the one."

"Finally, I'm hungry."

You changed, not before taking a picture to send to your friends. You asked the girl that was helping you that you were taking the dress and to pack it up for you.

"I want Chinese. Do you want some?" You ask Gavi. He was on his phone with his mad face. "What's going on Pablito?"

"Nothing." He pout.

You pay for the dress and walk with him to the basement where the car is. He keeps this pouty face.

He parked at the Chinese restaurant that he liked the most. You want to talk to him about his mood.

You order the food, you text Pedri that you had the dress for the wedding. But what worries you is the boy in front of you.

"Pablito, mi vida. Tell me what's going on."

"I'm not sure, I'm talking with this girl, and we were fine, but these stupid rumors about me and other girls are ruining the chances I had."

"Don't worry, Pablito. You're such a kind-hearted dude. You just had to make her see who you really are."

"What can I do?" He asks, tired of trying and failing.

"Invite her to the wedding." You smile. "If she's from Barcelona, why not?"

"But, what if she says no?"

"You already have the no, but if you ask, you might get a yes."

"You're such a smart girl." He texts happily, asking you what to write and how to invite her properly.

You offer yourself to help his "friend" go get a dress or borrow her one of your own. He was happy with the offer, asking her about it to let her decide.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. If she needs help with the hair and makeup, I can help, I'm kinda good at that."

"Gracias, you're the best." He kisses your cheek. You say your goodbyes to him, hurrying upstairs yo try on the dress again and match it with some shoes.

pedri has added to their story

Yourusername has added to their story

"Are you ready to go?" Pedri asks, kissing your cheek. "I'm obsessed with how you look."

You kiss him carefully because of the lipstick. You loved the way he made you feel like so special.

"Let's go, mi amor."

The drive to the venue was a little longer than you thought. You pictured the place being a little closer to his place than what actually is.

"I hope we find parking."

"It's kinda early."

Lucky for you, there were some available spots. You notice Gavi's car. You smile at the thought of him and his date. Hoping everything is well for him.

"Hola, you guys are early birds just like us I see."

To your luck, the table was full of people you know. Alejandro, Robert, Gavi and Eric, and Ferran.

"Una putada, early to a party but late for training." Pedri laughs, saying hi to all the table.

"Anna, Robert, you guys look amazing." You say, "Anna, I love that dress on you."

"Thank you, but what about you? You look like a movie star, shining all around."

"Thank you." You blush at her comments.

The party began not that much later. Many other playmates joined the venue. The party was great.

The bride and groom gave their welcome words, thanking everybody. Did their first dance and later on announced the food.

You made conversation with Ferran, asking him about something silly, while Pedri and Anna chatted about football.

After the food, the dance began, and so did the open bar. You wanted one drink but were too full to get it at the moment.

Ana and Robert were the ones who got to the dance floor first, inviting you all to the table to dance.

You followed them. Even when Pedri didn't like to dance, he would do it for you. "I love you." He kisses you while dancing with you.

You finally chose to go get that drink, Ferran with you because he was feeling some on the rocks.

When you go back, you notice Pedri sat down at the table talking with Alejandro. "Hey, I'm joining them, I'm resting a little." He nodded, grabbing the person he was dancing with again.

"Hola hola, got tired of dancing?" You joke with Pedri. He moves the chair for you, hugging you with his arm.

"Hey, Y/n." Alejandro called you, "how is college going on?"

"Good, I just finished with the curriculum, and we'll I'm working on other things."

"Nice, good for you."

"Excuse me, please." Gavi's date says, walking back to the table and picking up her purse.

Gavi hurried with her outside of the venue. You followed them with your eyes, worried that something might have gone wrong.

"Hey, I'll be back, I'm going to the bathroom." You tell pedri, he nods in response.

You walked outside to where Gavi and his date were, they were fighting about something and where this girl sees you, she reprimanded Gavi about it.

She walks away from the scene, Gavi turns to you, head low. "I fucking hate Eric." He says.

"What?" You hurry to his side. "What's going on, Pablito?"

"That fucking asshole told her that I had a crush on you. And that I have been in love with you since I met you. Que mierda?"

"He did what?"

"He fucking did, I'm going to punch him in the fucking face."

You stopped him, not wanting the party to be ruined about this. "Pablito no, not here. Please."

"He fucking deserves it." He yells.

"I know, but not here. Look, call her, explain.to her your feelings."

"She's not answering." He buffs.

"Try, Gavira." You hit him.in the head.

He dials her number several times, each getting into voice mail. You feel bad about what happened, angry at the asshole of Eric.

"What if you send a voice note to her inbox?"

"And say what?"

You ask for his phone, opening iMessage and searching for her name.

"How do you feel?" You ask, recording what he was about to say in a voice note.

"I just feel like an idiot because I've never met someone so special and someone so fucking pretty, super dedicated to what she does, and super smart, someone who every guy will die to be with. You're the only one I think about in the morning when I wake up, the one I want to call after training or have on the bleachers with my number on her back. You, just you."

You smile, finishing with the recording of the message. You know how important it is for him

"Qué mierda esta pasando?" Pedri asks.

Pablo turns to him. Pedri doesn't notice that what he said was for his date and not for you. "Pedro, it's not what you think."

"So this shit is not you telling my girlfriend you're in love with her?"

"Pedri, stop it." You warn him. "Not here. This is not like that."

"Will you shut up?" He said, eyes looking at Pablo and not at you. "I thought we were friends."

"This is not like that." Pablo yells. "Fucking idiot."

He pushes Pedri lightly, entering the venue again. Pedri turns to you, angry expression on his face.

"Let's go."

"You're so stupid if you think I'm leaving with you."

"Don't do this here. Let's go."

You wanted to leave before you get inside and scream at Eric for being such an asshole. "Let me get my things."

You walk inside and grab your things, Pablo was doing the same but when he noticed you he just asked you if you were okay.

"Yeah, we're leaving. Hope you solve things with her." You hug him goodbye. He sat while waiting for a few minutes till you left.

You walk outside, pedri already has the car in front of the door. You debate actually going with him.

"Get in, we're going to my place. You have some explaining to give."

You walk over to the door, slamming it when you get in. you were mad about everything, the ruined night, he being rude to you, rude to Pablo. Eric fucking up as always and Pedro following the train.

"You're such an asshole." You finally say. "You don't even know what the fuck happened and already jumped into conclusions."

"Don't try to defend him."

"I'm not, but you're so out of line, Pedro."

"Don't defend him, y/n."

"He was talking with his date over a voice note because Eric told her that he had a crush on me which is a fucking lie."

"It's not."

"It is, Pedro." You yell, angry at him. "I helped him with the invitation, with getting her a dress, with everything for him to get the girl, if he had a crush on me why would he do that?"

"You did?'

"Yes." You answer like it's obvious. "Pablo is like a little brother to me, you know that. He's your friend, a better one than Eric. Fucking stop with the attitude."

You both stayed silent until you reached his house. When the garage door closes, you immediately get out of the car.

"You were so out of line, you ruined the night for you, for me and for Pablo. I'm so fucking tires of this."

"Stop"

"No, I want to change and to sleep, my night is ruined, and so is yours. Maybe tomorrow you can fix things.

You walk upstairs, grabbing your makeup remover, some towels, your pajamas and other things, and moving yo Fernando's room.

You definitely were not sleeping, wanting to cry and to scream but just cried. He felt the frustration of the night. Pulling an all-nighter, just like you.

🪷🪷🪷

Two days later, you were waiting for Pedro at his house. You wanted to fix things between Pablo and him. You want their friendship to heal. Even tho your relationship was kinda still not well from the last fight.

Pablo was showing you something, his shoulder sticker to yours so you both see the tik tok. You grap your arm around his shoulder, thing you always do.

Pedro was outside doing something with the social media team, or so you thought. He was looking at the two of you from his front door. He was mad about something someone told him.

Wanting to come home and rest and find you two glued to each other was annoying to him. Especially because he was still mad at Gavi.

He clears his throat, making you turn and smile at him.

"Hola." You greet him.

You were expecting him to do the same with you, but he didn't. He just ignored you and went upstairs.

Pablo kept his mouth shut, his teeth clenched because he didn't think that was the way he was supposed to be treating you.

"Maybe he's just mad." You excuse him, thing you do pretty often lately. "Or maybe just tired."

"That doesn't give him the right." Pablo gets up from the couch. "Let's just go, I don't want to be here."

"Wait for me in the car? I just want to get something."

He wants to tell you no and take you to the car. But he also respects your decisions. "Okay, I'll be waiting."

You walk upstairs, following Pedri. His room door was open. He was taking his dirty clothes out of his training bag.

"What was that?" You ask, sitting on his bed. "That was rude."

"Rude is you coming here trying to fix something that I dont want to." He was angry, his voice was low. "Why is he here? I didn't invite him."

You were angry. He was becoming this rude person to you and to his friends.

"Why are you talking like that?" His words were hurting you. It's like a wake-up call you were not ready to answer.

"Because it's the truth, you bring him here uninvited." He shouts.

"What are you even on, Pedro?" You shout, too. "I take time out of my day to fix the shit you have done and try to make things right with our friend because you can't seem to do it."

"Then fucking leave, come back when you can respect my house. Maybe not dressed like that."

You look down at your outfit. You are wearing a tennis skirt with a tank top, the day was hot, you weren't going to wear pants and a long sleeve.

"What about my clothes?"

"Nothing, please go."

"No, what about my clothes? Do you have a problem with the way I dress?"

"I do. Go, come back well dressed."

You laugh, making him turn to you. Angry expression on his face. "You're not going to tell me how to dress. Or who to be friends with, you're my boyfriend Pedro, not my father."

"Yes, your boyfriend, and you should respect me more."

"I have never disrespected you." You yell. "You just fucking did.! You have been doing so often. it's like a habit now. And I'm not going to let you do that to me."

"I'm having a bad fucking day, don't make it even worse."

Sira's words were echoing in your head. <You should break up with him. He's becoming controlling. And that's not cute.>

"Sira was right, I should have broken up with you the day you hit my friend." You say, angry at him. "I'm done."

"What?" His expression changed, even his tone of voice.

"You punched Kyle over nothing. You had a fight with Pablo for God's sake. This is not healthy anymore." You began.

You tried your best to heal what needed to heal in the relationship, but bandaids don't fix bullet holes, specifically if the one that's shooting keeps doing it.

"I can't do this." You wanted to cry but wont. "I excuse you with my friends, I humiliate myself for you, trying to save your image of a good boyfriend. And you just can't seem to change. I'm done for good."

"Don't do this." He tries to get closer, but you push him. "Amor."

"Why are you blaming me? You've been so controlling with my friends, with me. And now clothes are a problem? No, I'm done."

You exit the room. Leaving him speechless. He didn't notice how his actions were breaking the relationship.

"Y/n, wait." He runs downstairs.

You got in the car, asking Pablo to drive.

When Pedro made it to his front door, the car was already moving. He couldn't stop it. You were gone.

🪷🪷🪷

🏷: @gadriezmannsgirl 😋💛

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monzamash · 1 year

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lost in japan — lando norris

lando norris x you (femreader) | 3.8k summary – a convincing late night call and a flight to japan. warnings – 18+ (sex, coarse language) inspo – ‘i like being close to you. you’re warm’ for the #monzamashspecial and that shawn mendes song – you know the one. masterlist

“Fly out and see me…”

“You know I can’t, Lando.”

This had been the back and forth for nearly half an hour, like a painfully long rally in tennis and neither one of you wanted to give up the point. Lando had been out in Japan for nearly a week, 5 days and counting and before that, Singapore and before that, Italy for training. He had always been at peace with the time he spent away from home, because up until now it had never really been a problem. Jet-setting across the globe, living out his childhood dream – on top of the world. Chained to nothing and nobody.

But then you showed up in those leather pants; it was all by coincidence and he was in trouble from the very beginning. He liked you. A lot. And you liked him but that one night on a breezy street corner in Melbourne had changed his perspective. Skewed beyond recognition, because now he had someone to miss. Someone who influenced his happiness, his contentedness and that was you. You had snapped up a spot in his cold, precious heart that he had guarded, locked away safely so he didn’t have to wake up to that sinking feeling in his gut, or look at his phone and have his mood drop when he didn't see your name in his notifications.

He was forlorn without you and even though it made him sick that he had ended up like this, he loved it. He took the good with the bad, every chance to hear your voice made it worthwhile and much to your surprise, you felt the same. Infatuated and swept up in this new romance.

“Why not? If you give me a really good answer, I’ll stop asking,” Lando bartered as he trudged around his hotel room, kicking articles of clothing towards his empty suitcase in an attempt to clean up the mess he’d made over the last couple of days.

“Well for starters I have this thing called a job… I have responsibilities and I have my houseplants – you know how much they mean to me.”

A small smirk tugged on the corners of your mouth when Lando rolled his eyes, brow quirked. Even the shaky camera was able to capture his distain for your answer but he quickly bounced back, knowing that he wasn’t completely out of the fight if it was a couple of replaceable pot plants keeping you from dropping everything to see him. Surely he meant more than that.

“You love me way more though.”

“Definitely not,” You scoffed playfully and adjusted the loose, somewhat revealing top you'd been sleeping in before this late night call, “But I do miss you a tiny bit…”

Lando’s frown softened at your confession, one he’d been patiently waiting to hear. I miss you too; he sighed and walked into what looked like a bathroom, carefully balancing the phone on a shelf beside the mirror.

He was an enigma the night that you met him; a friend of a friend of a friend, someone had said when introducing the two of you at a swanky restaurant in the heart of the city. You had wondered why there was a last minute invite sent your way that afternoon, until your friend explained that her new work friend wanted to show their friend who had just flown in from England a good time. It was a confusing web of acquaintances but you agreed, knowing that whatever she had organised would be worthwhile attending.

Little did you know that the friend would have something to do with why your street was shut down for a week, making your daily commute fifteen minutes longer than normal. But when you looked into those stormy blue, or maybe they were hazel eyes, and grasped the hand he was holding out for you to shake, you didn’t care. In fact, nothing really mattered after the two of you pulled up a seat at the long table and continued chatting, drawn together.

“See something you like? …”

Lando’s tinny voice pulled you out of your daydreaming and snapped your eyes back to your screen. You cleared your throat and tucked a couple of stray hairs behind your ear as you watched him change out of his Phoenix suns shirt; his rippling muscles contracting caught your attention, perfectly sculpted under is sun-kissed skin. Beneath all the boyish charm and dripping sarcasm, he was sexy. And it was taking everything in your power not to give in and book a plane ticket to Japan as soon as possible.

“Nothing in particular but I do like that shirt,” You deflected with a smirk, wanting nothing more than to be crawling your lips all over his skin, tasting the cool mint mouthwash he was swirling and spitting out in quick succession.

“Might have to steal it when I see you next.”

“Which will be…?” Lando teetered off, hoping for sooner rather than later but you simply shrugged and closed your eyes, exhaling so deeply that a whistle rang through your nostrils.

Lando could tell you were battling internally with the idea, knowing that you wanted to see him just as much as he ached to see you. It’d been too long and with your situationship being so new, so hot – he was desperate to lock in a time or have at least a crumb to cling onto if nothing else. But he needed to be gentle, patient while you worked through all of the metaphorical plates spinning in your head.

“You can steal all of my shirts when you get here,” He sweetly stated, his attention full focused on your solemn expression, “Look, what day suits you the best and I’ll work around that.”

He was serving the ball in your court now, with the promise of taking care of everything else so you didn’t even have to think about it. Make the fleeting decision and the rest will be sorted. Except for the glaringly obvious hurdles you’d have to jump over to get the time off work that you knew Lando wanted you to have.

“Maybe Saturday…”

Lando groaned at your response, “But I’ll be busy all day Saturday.”

“Doing what?” You teased; lip firmly gripped between your front teeth as Lando rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his messy hair in frustration.

“Ha-ha. Very funny,” He grumbled and titled his head back, chin and jawline tensed as he groaned loudly into the dark bedroom he was sitting in, “Come on – I’m blue-balling out here and you’re not here to help me… It's not fair.”

“Oh, so you just want me for sex?”

Lando’s eyes narrowed and a small smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth as he planned his next move, “No,” He sheepishly whispered, “But also not no… But definitely not just for sex because that would be wildly perverse and disgusting – promise.” Cheeky fucker.

You hummed, “Just so we’re clear, I’d just be coming out for the sex. Nothing more than that – can’t stand you, actually. Absolutely gross.”

Not even a beat passed before Lando's loud, high-pitched laugh filtered through your air pods, hand barely covering his face. The other was in your face, middle finger perfectly framed on your screen while you sat back and enjoyed the sound you’d missed so much; his laugh alone made you chuckle and forget all about your worries.

“Fuck you,” He cheekily retorted, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, “But what I’m hearing is that you’re coming out… I’m booking you a ticket right now so keep an eye out for the email, baby.”

Baby.

“Baby?” You asked, eyebrow quirked with intrigue.

“Shit, sorry…” Lando cursed under his breath, cheeks reddening as he clicked away on his phone, “It slipped out. Is it bad?”

You shook your head and balanced your chin on your knuckles, “No, I like it – makes me feel like we’re more than just strangers fucking around.”

“Oh yeah? And is that something you want to feel or?”

Now he was just being cocky.

It was your turn to roll your eyes and scowl, “Don’t push it, baby.”

“You can’t go calling me that with that tone and not be naked in this bed right now… You’re killing me.” His voice was strained, eyes dark.

You simply smiled and winked, “I will be soon.”

“Cannot fucking wait.”

It was raining in Osaka when you landed; the red eye flight causing your eyes to flutter close as you slumped in the back seat of the cab, silent. Bright headlights from the heavy traffic flashed behind your eyelids as the driver slowly made his way through the city streets, stopping every two seconds for pedestrians. You were in a foreign country; one you’d never visited before but you felt calm, safe to completely relax after the tenuous eleven hour flight.

Lando had messaged you the address to the hotel he was staying at and let you know he’d left his spare key card for you downstairs at reception. You shyly asked the attendant for the card he left, feeling a little dirty at the insinuation that you were there for a good time, not a long time. A thought entirely in your own head as the young lady gave you a polite smile and sent you on your way.

Because of Lando’s efforts to go above and beyond making your journey as stress-free as possible, you hadn’t bothered messaging him when you landed or even checked to make sure he was at the hotel. Only having carry-on gave you the freedom to jump off the plane and into a cab – no time to really think about the logistics that you had been reassured were taken care of. All you could think about was the instinctual pull you felt to get to him as quickly as you could.

Maybe you should’ve messaged. Given him the heads up as you tiptoed through the long hallway, past the large lounge room and kitchen that was bigger than your own back home. It was massive and as expected, exuding luxury. You could tell from the facetime yesterday that he was living large in the penthouse suite, indulging in all the lavish things life as a professional athlete promised. It was too much but you weren’t complaining when you touched the plush robes hung up on the back of the bedroom door or when you saw how huge, and enticing the bed was.

You let your mind wander to the possibility that maybe, just maybe you could get used to this but as soon as that thought emerged, you flicked it away. The gentle sound of running water echoing drew your attention to the door on the other side of the room, closed and most likely locked for privacy, or so you assumed.

Your feet were gliding you towards the sound, hand reaching for the handle before your brain had even registered what you were doing. Impatience and temptation were fuelling all of your movements as you clicked open the door and let out a cloud of steam, warmth instantly hitting your face as you took a couple of steps over the threshold.

“Hello?” You softly called out, not wanting to startle Lando but failing as you heard a shallow gasp from behind the steamed glass. His hand hit the pane and smudged away the moisture obstructing his sight, his narrowed eyes bloodshot from the water but he could see you, wondered for a second if you were a ghost in the fog but grinning when he realised you were here. Really here.

“Holy shit…” He breathed out and pushed open the glass door, thrilled that you were already unzipping your jeans and tugging the tight shirt from your shoulders. He didn't even have to ask.

“You scared the absolute shit out of me.”

He almost giggled as you skirted your underwear down your legs, the cool air sending chills down across your skin, “Let me in, quick!”

Lando moved aside with another chuckle, hands grasping your waist as you searched for warmth, a sigh of relief exhaled when you felt the hot water rushing over your back, eyes closed and skin tingling from the gentle touches trailing down your spine. You fluttered your eyes open; smile etched on your face as you looked up and took in your surroundings. Took in him.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

Lando whispered back as you reached out and placed your hands on his chest that was glimmering with water droplets the same size of his birth marks and freckles. Misshapen and lovely. The scent of lemon and sandalwood mingling together filled the air, his skin still slick and soapy from being interrupted mid-shower but he didn't care. Not one bit.

Your fingers danced across his beating heart, tracing small circles on his shoulder before gazing up through your lashes, smile coy.

“I made it…”

“You did… and you’re real,” So real he could feel you and see, for the first time in over a month, how you reacted to his touch.

“How are you real?”

“That’s way too philosophical for my mushy brain so just shut up and kiss me, please,” You teased, tone soft and arms snaking around his waist to bring his body closer; chest stuck perfectly against yours.

“That I can do,” Lando sang back as he grasped your slack jaw in his hands and pulled you in, lips tied in a wistful kiss.

It wasn’t an ordinary kiss. It was a Lando kiss, which up until this point in your life you’d never experienced before now. You felt sparkly, giddy yet set alight, burning with desire – all rolled into one wild emotion. At first you mistook it for lust, merely a physical attraction that would slowly fade away, never felt again. But it was lust disguised when you felt it for the second time and then the third and forth time, the fifth and so on.

The feeling never faded and remained even when you were miles away, kissing through the phone and pretending you were together, touching one another. Chasing that feeling over and over again.

His lips moved so perfectly with yours, in sync and the taste on his tongue reminded you of a warm summers day down on the beach, cocktail in one hand and his fingers intertwined in the other. It was visceral and destined, like you’d kissed him a million times before; but what you were doing with him was all so new, so fresh, so fucking exhilarating that you hadn’t even realised he’d moved his lips to your neck, the soft spot beneath your ear being gently nibbled by his sharp teeth.

“You smell so good... like the first night we fucked,” Lando mumbled against your supple skin, eliciting the tiniest whimper to slip from your parted lips as he brushed the palms of his hands over your perky nipples.

“Hello to you,” He whispered, pressing a soft, smirking kiss to the top of your left boob before moving to the right, “And hello to you.”

“Oh my god,” You groaned at his words, barely slapping his bicep but still making him flinch, as his breathy giggle fanned across your chest, “Such a dork.”

Lando removed his lips, reluctantly and stood up straight again, slightly towering over your smaller frame, “I remember you saying that you liked that about me…” He defended and suggestively winked, slowly walking you out from underneath the stream of water and towards the shower wall.

“I think it came up when you were touching yourself and moaning my name… Maybe? Can’t quite recall,” He toyed, knowing exactly what had happened last week when you texted him, ‘call me asap’ in the middle of the night.

“You are doing a lot of talking for a guy who replied with ‘I’m watching the new episode of Mandalorian, can’t call’, after I sent you a photo of me literally naked… You know what, maybe I should leave you hanging, now that you’ve so kindly brought it up.”

The whiny protest and strain in Lando’s eyes softened when he felt your hand graze his thigh, fingernails lightly scratching the skin so close to where he had been aching for you. He gasped at the sensation, starved of anyone’s touch besides his own for far too long. Your eyes met in the middle, a humorous smile twitching on the ridge of your mouth when he sucked in a deep breath and his bottom lip with it as you wrapped your hand around him, twisting gently.

Long strokes sent his eyelashes fluttering shut as he pushed you against the wet titled wall; skin slapping as your back made contact. His head was titled back from the pleasure coursing through his veins, somehow still attached to his body as he let out a strangled moan. He couldn’t think straight – the words magnificent and mind-blowing tumbling around his empty head until he heard a squeak and cracked open his eyes to see you turning around, hands pressed against the crimson tiles.

He noticed a hunger burning behind your stare when you glanced over your shoulder, ass brushing over his cock like a woman starved.

“I’ve been dreaming about this ever since I left your place in London,” You confessed as Lando dipped his head and trailed open-mouthed kisses down your back, "Think about it so much."

“Fuuuck,” He grumbled as you rolled your hips steadily, stroking him between your slightly parted thighs with a raspy moan, “Shower sex specifically?”

Lando’s question was punctuated with his tip nudging forward, gliding over your clit before sinking slowly into your warmth with a gruff exhale, “Shiiit.”

A soft giggle slipped from your lips as you leaned forward and rested your forehead against the wall, droplets of water dripping down the ceramic onto your flushed cheeks. Chills crawled down your spine as Lando roughly grasped your hips, fingertips kneading the skin as he slowly fucked into you.

“Shower sex had crossed my mind but honestly, I imagined it all…”

“Did it feel this good?” Lando asked with a knowing smile on his lips as he rocked into you, slow and steady, sensing that the occasion called for something gentle, "Because it didn't in my imagination." You shook your head and grasped his wrist, needing to feel his large hand on your stomach, “Not even close, baby… I want it all.”

Hearing you stake your claim for his heart and hint that maybe you wanted more than just a couple of one night stands strung together sent a surge of serotonin through Lando's hazy mind. It may have started that way; a subtle mention of 'no strings attached' so you could both keep your hearts safe but the countless hours talking on the phone, venting about your day as if you’d known each other for years proved that it was more. The way his touch set every inch of your skin alight proved to you that he was more.

He was the match to your fuse.

A gasp slipped from your lips when he pulled out, the emptiness feeling like a punishment for god knows what but Lando was quick to spin you around and pin your back against the cold wall, “Need to change it up otherwise we’ll be calling it a night very early.”

“Can’t handle the heat?” You teased, hoisting your leg to wrap around his thigh as he stretched you out again; eyes closing for a split second to adjust to his firm thrust.

“Oh, I’m doing great, pretty girl. Dunno about you though...” Lando whispered the last part as his hand skimmed down between your legs, thumb gliding over your sensitive nub ever so lightly – enough to have you hissing in pleasure.

“I am going so good..." You exhaled, trying to keep your cool but the scrunched up brows and slack jaw exposed you and he couldn't help but admire how fucking beautiful you looked meeting his snapping hips, deliciously synchronised .

"Keep touching me like that.”

You unclasped your claws that were digging into Lando's muscular biceps and slung your arms loosely over his shoulders, chest to chest and you could feel his heart beating. It was pumping under the taut skin, thrumming against your own as he rocked his hips into you, long, teasing strokes that were clouding your mind with all sorts of dangerous thoughts.

“I like being this close to you. You’re so warm and soft and god…” He rambled off with a moan and a gritted smile as you opened your eyes and held his face in your hands, smiling back.

“I like it too.”

The words got tangled in your throat as your nails dug into the back of his head, the pace now quickening to a level you’d never really been before with Lando. Sure, you'd had sex but this was different. It was pent up, building to an unparalleled crescendo that was washing over the both of you quicker than expected. Loud moans being swallowed in a desperate kiss, hands fumbling to grab hold of any inch of skin they could to pull you through your earth shattering high. Screams muted by the sound of running water.

And all you could do was ride it out while Lando held you upright, palms shaky and fingertips barely holding on as he dipped his head into the crook of your neck; curls tickling the sultry skin. The air was thick, humidity making everything sticky as your erratic breaths rattled against one another; chests connected, limbs tangled together as you stood under the water.

Wow, was all Lando rasped with no attempt of untangling himself from your embrace until your trembling fingers traced down his back, nails dragging over his supple skin finall brought him into your vision once again. Eyes misty and tired.

“I’m really pruny.” He stated and held up his wrinkling hand; a shy smile appeared on his plush lips as you laced your fingers with his.

You hummed and tucked a couple of the damp curls that had fallen into his face behind his pointy ears, “Shall I suggest continuing this on that massive fucking bed sitting in the middle of a room that’s bigger than my apartment?”

Lando chuckled and ghosted a soft, heart-racing kiss to your pursed lips as he reached for the towel he’d set out for himself, “It’s stupid how massive it is,” He bashfully confessed, wrapping your shivering body up and guiding you out to the warm bedroom.

“It’s… Lavish and maybe a little silly.”

There was comfortable silence as you glanced around the room again, noticing the pile of clothes that Lando had been kicking around on your call yesterday, “Yeah, sorry about the mess. I was gonna clear up but I didn’t expect you to get in so early tonight – I'm bad with time zones and all that shit.”

“Well you have a lot to keep track of with all the travelling so that’s understandable and don’t worry about the clothes, my floor is ten times worse than this.”

There was something familiar in the way you soothed his nerves and made his anxieties melt away with your words. He liked that about you, that no matter what stupid thing he’d said or done, you were either backing him up or affectionately ribbing him before mollifying his worries.

“Can’t wait to see it in person soon,” Lando blurted out, not even thinking about whether that was something you wanted or if your reassuring words warranted that intense of a response.

But you smiled and nodded, again, easing his blushing cheeks that were still burning from his high only minutes ago. There was a comfortable silence as you stood up from the end of the bed and let him bury you in one of the big, fluffy robes you’d noticed on your way in – the gold italic ‘H’ shining under the down lights as you tied the belt up, watching Lando do the same.

“Very soon, I hope.”

You sealed the promise with a kiss to his bottom lip, praying that you could be more than just a stranger he’d met by happenstance. More than an acquaintance who was simply a way to pass the time while he was away from home. Away from his creature comforts.

And if he did need you in his life like you needed him, then you definitely wanted to be his friend. Maybe more.

a//n – really been feeling the lando bug recently so let me know what you thought of this little one-shot! this will actually be the last of the #monzamashspecial celebrating 700 followers and funnily enough, i just passed 1k this morning, i think? so thank you all so much for the support. i still have a couple of great suggestions that i will get to next so keep an eye for that x masterlist | askbox

#lando norris #lando norris one shot #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando norris fanfic #lando norris smut #f1 smut #f1 imagine #f1 one shot #formula 1 imagine #f1 writing #monzamashmasterlist #the monzamash special #lost in japan fic

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skz317cb97 · 10 months

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Drunk Confessions pt 1

Chan x Female reader

Word count: 2.1K

Synopsis: What will Chan do with you when you stroll into your apartment late and extremely drunk?

A/N: 18+ ONLY! Welcome to part one of a new series I'm calling Drunk Confessions. One for each member a story of someone drunkenly confessing their love for another. Keep an eye out for polls that I'll be posting for the next in line! If you like this part give it a reblog, comment, like, hit up my ask box, love to hear from you guys! Warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18 + ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, mentions of drinking alcohol/over drinking/getting drunk, oral (f reciveing), unprotected piv sex (please use condoms), cream pie. I think that's everything but if I missed something please let me know and I'll add it asap!

You stumbled into your shared apartment drunk. You had been out with some girlfriends for a bachelorette party and you had just been dropped at the door of your apartment building. Somehow you managed to make your way up the sixteen floors to the apartment you shared with Chan. Your best friend and the man you secretly were head over heels in love with. You tried to be as quiet as possible so naturally you were like a bull in a China shop. Chan came out of his room rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Baby girl is that you.” You giggled and slapped your hand over your mouth.

“Tsk. Yes. Sowwy Channie I didnmean to wake youuu.” Your words slurred out of you and you stumbled a little.

“Hey are you okay?” Chan hurried forward a bit to help keep you upright instead of the end table. You giggled again and your heart pounded. How could you be even more in love with someone just because you were a little drunk. Okay maybe a bit more than a little.

“Here let’s get you to bed.” You protested. You tried to prove you were okay enough to walk without him and your first step you rolled your ankle and started to go down. Chan got you before you made it to the floor but you had hurt your ankle. You took your heels off and tried walking on it again.

“I’mokay Channie jus alil drunk I think.” Chan could smell the sweet scent of the lemon drops you had drank all night. He tried not to think about how your lips were probably sweet from them as well. When you left earlier and Chan saw how great you looked he worried you might not be home later.

He couldn’t blame any guy that approached you that night. The black sparkly body con dress you were wearing hugged each of your curves perfectly. Your long legs ended with a pair of red heels. Your hair was up, your neck on display but now in your drunken state it had fallen a bit, whisps laying on your neck and around your face, framing your beauty.

You never over did it in the makeup department but you had gone bold for the evening with winged liner and red lips. You had wiped off the lipstick in the limo on the way home and your eyeliner was only a little smudged.

You were a drunken angel and Chan wondered how he could be even more in love with someone just because they were a little drunk. Okay maybe a bit more than a little.

“OW!” Chan threw your arm around his broad shoulders and you couldn’t help but squeeze the muscle you held onto now. He cleared his throat and sat you down on the couch then sat down on the table across from you.

“Let me see.” You stretched your leg out and put your foot in his lap.

“Okay Channie.” You said with a lilt to your voice. Chan grabbed your ankle and goosebumps rose all over your skin.

“Cold?” Chan asked when he noticed you shiver.

“No I...OW!” He hissed and apologized.

“Sorry sorry! I think you just twisted it a little.“ You pouted. You were starting to get tired and whiney.

“Will you take care of me Channie? I can’t walk...” He sighed.

“Of course I will baby girl. Come on let’s get you into some jammies and into to your bed.” You shook your head as he helped you up.

“What!?” You drug your finger down the side of his face tracing his cheekbone and jaw line.

“Wanna sleep in yours with you.” Chan’s head popped up quickly. You had never said or done anything like that before.

Sure you fell asleep on the couch together a time or two, maybe one of those times the two of you woke up wrapped up with your arms around each other, but you’ve never slept in the other’s beds before. Chan always felt like it was a risky boundary to break with how he felt about you.

Sober you had the same thought process but drunk you wanted to be next to Chan’s warm body, to hug him close while you slept off the alcohol in your system.

“Wanna sleep with you tonight Channie. Please?” You rested your head on his shoulder, your eyes blinking up at him sleepily.

“Uh... well... I mean...” You sniffled and Chan was getting whiplash from the mood swings you had when drunk. Silly, sleepy, flirty, sad. He’d never seen you quite this drunk before.

“You don’t like me.” You started to cry and Chan shushed you.

“WHOA! WAIT! Let me get you a shirt!” You kept your balance holding onto Chan’s desk as you stood there in your bra and panties waiting for him to pull out and toss you a shirt from his dresser. He kept his eyes cast down as he went to hand you the shirt.

“Shhh shh I didn’t say that now come on I just... wasn’t sure if it was a good idea with you being drunk. If you want to sleep in my bed that’s fine okay. Please don’t cry.” He wiped the tears from your face.

Chan led you to the bathroom and let you wash up and brush your teeth before leading you to his room. As soon as his door was closed you started stripping off your dress.

“You don’t think I’m pretty?” You sniffled again and Chan pressed his fingers into his eyes trying to keep his composure.

“You know I think you’re pretty y/n but you should put on the shirt. You’re drunk.” You sighed and put on the shirt. When Chan put an arm around you to help you to bed you wrapped both of yours around him and tried to kiss him.

“What are you doing y/n?!” You leaned in again and he stopped you again.

“I love you Channie don’t you know that? I love you and I want you.” You leaned in trying to kiss him another time and he gently stopped you this time.

“I love you too y/n but you’re drunk. Let’s talk about this tomorrow when you’re sober.” You gripped at his cut off shirt he wore trying to lift it up and off and he stopped you again.

“Look if you don’t behave I’ll put you to bed and sleep on the couch.” Your eyes got big and glassy again.

“I’msorry. ‘M too drunk. I’ll be good.” He smoothed your hair down.

“Thank you. Come on lets get to bed.” Finally you stopped and let Chan help you to bed. You crawled in and he couldn’t help but notice your cute panties peeking from under his shirt. He got in after you and as soon as his body was laid next to yours you rolled over and held onto his arm. Chan looked down at you smiling.

“Good night baby girl.” You fell asleep so quickly you didn’t even hear him say good night. The next morning you woke up burning up. You were undercovers and had a warm body wrapped around yours. When you stirred it woke up the human furnace clinging to you.

“You up?” The person sized ball of lava asking you was Chan. Then the night before came rushing back into your memory. Oh god!

“Uh yea.” Chan stretched out, now face to face with you in bed.

“Sober?” You nodded.

“Mhmm.” Chan looked at you for a long moment.

“Did you mean it?” You didn’t know what he meant for half a second and then remembered your confession the night before. You nodded again but couldn’t bring yourself to look into his eyes.

“Do you want to stop?” Chan looked at you seriously. You sat up a little.

“Yes.” Suddenly Chan’s lips were softly pressed against yours. You flinched then melted into the kiss. Chan wrapped his arms around you pulling you close so your bodies were touching. His tongue traced along your bottom lip and you opened your mouth allowing him to dip his tongue in.

You made out laying in his bed together for what felt like forever. Just lips and tongues and teeth, hands roaming, groping, squeezing. Chan pulled away for a moment and you took the opportunity to get a full breath of air.

“Do you want to?” Chan thought for a moment before speaking.

“I want to nail you to my bed and make you scream my name.” Your jaw dropped and you slapped his shoulder.

“Channie! You thought before speaking and that’s what you say.” He laughed and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

“I was just being honest. If you want to stop we’re stopping but if you don’t then I’d like to do that second thing I said.” You wrapped your arms around Chan again pulling him down and pecking his full lips.

“Well then...” You pressed your lips to his ear.

“Holy fuck Chan! Feral much?” You laughed but stopped when his face was hovering over your throbbing cunt.

“Make me scream for you baby.” Chan growled and attacked your neck with kisses and bites, he lifted up and quickly whipped yours and his shirts off before going back and to nibbling down your neck and shoulder while you gripped his strong arms and then his hair as his kisses peppered down your chest.

He stopped and ripped your bra open from the front, then practically shredded those cute panties, tearing them off you as well.

“I really want to eat your pussy...” He was entranced by you.

“Chan oh my god! Fuck fuckfuckfuck!” You pulled his curls tightly as you melted on his tongue for a second time. He kissed your thighs, your tummy and breasts, up your shoulder and neck, he kissed your lips while you laid there completely fucked out already.

“God Channie you keep saying the filthiest things fuck! Yes please!” He smirked at you and then his head was buried between your legs savoring every inch of you. You gripped his hair and your hips jerked up.

Chan’s hands spread across your tummy and held you down as he continued to absolutely feast upon you. Your toes curled when he pushed you over the edge and your feet dug into the mattress when he didn’t stop. Hell bent on giving you another orgasm quickly.

“You good?” He checked in with you.

“So fucking good.” He kissed you again and you deepened it. You grabbed his cock and guided it towards your soaked entrance.

“Need you inside me please.” Chan would never deny such a request from you. He pushed his tip inside you and slowly sank in deeper until you took all of him.

“FUCKING HELL! Tight!” You hummed and moaned.

“So big! God damn Channie can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me.” he laughed a little.

“It’s yours now baby girl.” You clenched and he felt every bit of it.

“You like that huh? You like knowing I’m yours now?” Clenched again and moaned. He pulled out and pushed back into you.

“Yours baby girl. I’m all yours.” You moaned out louder when he thrusted harder.

“And you’re mine too.”

“OH FUCK YES! I’m yours Channie!” At your declaration Chan started fucking you hard. He loved hearing it just as much as you did. You held onto his broad shoulders as he did exactly what he said he wanted to, nail you to his bed.

“ChannieChannieCHANNIE FUCK!!!!” You gripped him tightly as you came around his cock screaming his name like your neighbors didn’t exist. He slowly rocked his hips into you as you came down from your mind numbing orgasm, kissing your cheeks and nose making you laugh. You pushed his unruly curls away from his face.

“Cum for me Chan.” You moved your hips urging him to chase his own high now. His hips snapped into you faster and he felt so good inside you it wasn’t long before Chan was coming, filling you with that warmth that radiated from him.

“Such a good girl. Fuuuucking hell! So good to me.” He leaned in and kissed you sweetly as he filled you then laid down next to you, catching his breath. After a minute he looked over at you smiling ear to ear, his eyes disappearing the bigger his smile grew. He pulled you close and kissed the side of your head.

“You can have first shower if you want.” You pouted.

“I thought we could take one together?” Chan looked down at you.

“Yea?” You nodded.

“Whatever you want. Together it is baby girl.”

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

@acciocriativity @caroline-ds-world @chansynie @ughbehavior @jquellen27 @jisuperboard @fixation-dump @lachinitaaaaa @rinrinndou @bangchans-angel @laylasbunbunny @owo-manii-uwu @armystay89 @b00dyguts @purplenimsicle @caticorn61 @lauraneuuh @channieandhisgoonsquad @minnysproutgriffinteddy @svintsandghosts @the-sweetest-rose @alice630 @3rachasninja @m0ri-apeuda @eastleighsblog @linoification @mlink64 @smally97 @fun-fanfics @chansducky10 @starfire21 @cessixja @siewoon @berryberrytan @binnies-minsung-fanclub @lethallyprotected

#skz317cb97 #cal 🖤#stray kids smut #skz smut #bang chan smut #chan smut

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wynsummers · 8 months

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i've been thinking about the whole "friction in his jeans" thing a lot lately, and while it is certainly one of the more iconic instances of the lyric in the CD booklet being different from the actual song, it is far from the only one. on top of that, there are quite a few lyrics that play with double meanings that only become clear when they're written out.

so, i present a collection of every lyric in the fob CD booklets that differ from the final version, punctuation and double meanings that aren't noticeable unless the song is written out, and any other interesting details i find in the process, or a really long post of me cornplating about fob:

disclaimer that if the difference is small enough/doesn't change the meaning of the line i won't include it because that would take me years (for example, the book says "light that smoke for giving up on me" and patrick says "yeah, one for giving up on me" but literally who cares that changes nothing. everything i include here is relevant, i think)

follow-up disclaimer that there are a bunch of fucking typos in every single one of these books because these boys never proofread anything but unless i think it's significant in some way i probably will skip it

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE:

tell that mick:

"I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle - I confess / now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied"

grand theft autumn:

"someday i'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... but for the meantime i'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with my clothes on at 4:00 in the afternoon"

saturday:

"pete and i said goodbye to astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence"

(most of these are just silly but this one fucking hurts)

sending postcards:

"fake it like you matter - cause that's the biggest secret you have to keep"

chicago is so two years ago:

"that means that I believed every single lie you said (and learned from the best)"

"cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you / and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you" (pain of glass instead of pane of glass - i think this is supposed to be a parallel. that or pete just misspelled pane)

patron saint:

"I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every grudge"

*flashes forward 20 years to hmlag*

anyway

FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE:

our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued:

"we're good friends only when you're on your knees"

sugar:

the icon, the legend

"don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in his jeans" 🎉🏳️‍🌈

dark alley:

"joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'just friends'"

"I'm hopelessly hopeful that you're just hopeless enough"

champagne for my real friends, real pain for my shrimp friends:

"you steer away in a rearview mirror, make my head swim"

i slept with someone in fob:

"someone old, no one new / always borrowed, always you"

THIS ONE!! THIS FUCKING ONE [CAR CRASH] [SIRENS]

ahem. anyway

sixteen candles:

"i confess, i'm just messed up / dropping 'i'm sorrys' like you're still around"

XO:

"to hands"

(that's it. no "between legs, and whatever it takes" just hands. just fuckin. to hands)

"to hotel stares/stairs" (wordplay!! to clarify it literally says "stares/stairs" in the book)

"choose awe or sympathy"

also in the last verse it says 'to the "love"' with the quotes which is just kinda funny

INFINITY ON HIGH:

this ain't a scene:

"crashing not like hips or hearts"

i'm like a lawyer:

"i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you (off)"

"collect the bad habits that you couldn't bare to keep" (idk this one might just be a typo)

hum hallelujah:

similarly, this might also be a typo, but "versus" is spelled "verses"

(after) life:

ok. ok. hear me out. this is the cornplatiest i have ever been. but on genius it says "death's in a double bed"

and on the lyric book it says "deaths in a double bed"

that changes everything!!! (not really, i know) it's not death as a concept or figure or whatever it's deaths. as in multiple people dying. aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh

moving on

carpal tunnel:

"we take the sip from life's lush lips"

the line "we might've started singing just a little soon" isn't listed, it's just the goodbye line twice

"but i'm just tired yawns for fawns"

you're crashing:

"the cause, the kid, the charm, and the curse"

ginasfs:

"lips pressed this close to mine"

"but the prince of this failing empire knows" (hhhnnnggggggghhh)

"i've already given up on myself once but the third time is the charm" that's not how numbers work pete <3

"just kind of figured on not figuring myself out"

FOLIE A DEUX:

folie a deux doesn't have a lyric book. just portraits of the boys with empty white pages that have their names written on them. my poor beautiful masterpiece

BELIEVERS NEVER DIE VOL. 1:

fnowae:

not a lyric but for some reason the whole fuckin song is in quotes

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL:

the phoenix:

another punctuation thing but instead of "hope to die" it's "hope-to-dies"

"you're wearing our vintage misery"

alone together:

"my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in" instead of "broken" (i love double meanings!! i love wordplay!! i love pete wentz!!)

where did the party go:

"i will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough"

the mighty fall:

the lyric book straight up doesn't have big sean's part 💔

rat a tat:

at the end there's this "talk less / mean more / let's be electric / like we were before" that i have literally never heard so i'm assuming it's a neat little cut lyric

save rock and roll:

"i will save the songs / the songs we're singing"

AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO:

irresistible:

"coming in announced" this one. this one's just a typo. come on boys it's been 12 years at this point read the books more than once

"i just dragged my nails on the tile / i just follow your scent" ?? idk

"this will not be a battle"

ab/ap:

for some fucking reason it just says "she's an american beauty" three times at the start of the song 😭

"and as we're drifting off to sleep" isn't in there, it just says "and all those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep"

the kids aren't alright:

indulge me once more, reader. i am cornplating again

instead of "former heroes who quit too late and just wanna fill up their trophy case again" it's "wanted to" do you understand why that makes me insane

also they have it as "will put your curse in reverse" instead of "we" which could be a typo but could also be a neat little change

uma thurman:

"you cut me deep like uma thurman"

jet pack blues:

"i'm the kind that can turn june to september / the last one that you'll ever remember"

"between these two white highway signs"

immortals:

"i try to picture you without me but i can't"

M A N I A:

hold me tight or don't:

the line "i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story ends" isn't included

wilson:

"i know it's just a number but to me you're the 8th wonder"

sunshine riptide:

they didn't include any of burna boy's lines 😒

SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST:

smfs doesn't have any lyric changes that i noticed, just the usual typos.

update: future emma here, upon further contemplation I have decided to add the line "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" since the first verse definitely says "I'll" (thank you sugarweregoinin and foliejpg for inspiring this revelation)

and there we have it! if you're insane patient enough to have made it until the end, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! if there are any i missed/any in CDs that i don't have please let me know i find these so fascinating (if you couldn't tell). i just love getting glimpses into their writing process and seeing how the songs we know and love evolve before they get to us. i might also do a post about how spotify/genius gets a bunch of their lyrics wrong because it pisses me off but this is all for now, good day/night!

#fall out boy #fob #i can't believe i spent four hours on this #take this to your grave #from under the cork tree #infinity on high #folie a deux #save rock and roll #american beauty/american psycho #mania #so much (for) stardust #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #andy hurley

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thisismeracing · 1 year

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Everything has changed | CL16

Pairing: black!fem!reader (she/her pron.) x charles leclerc

Warnings: curse words, twitter environment, fluffffff, not proofread etc etc. Minors DNI!

Summary: Y/n, a famous singer, drops a song that is more like a letter confessing her feelings, and some fans are convinced it’s about F1 golden boy Charles Leclerc.

a/n: none of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps. everything else is made up by me and I do not give permission for it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛

a/n2: Last imagine I wrote for Charles (Babe) was angsty, so I thought I could do something fluff just because 🫶🏾

my masterlist | my taglist

itsmeyn

liked by lizzobeating, dualipa and others

itsmeyn New music coming soon ❣️

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ynsunny I love the whole red thing going on! Can't wait for the song to drop

lovelyn1998 I wonder whose handwriting is this...

⤷ popynyln the crazies do be crazying huh

zendaya ❤️❤️❤️❤️

ynfrance WE ARE READY!!!!

portalyln new album when, queen?

fanuser wake up, mother, theyre creating theories about you on twitter

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, lewishamilton and others

charles_leclerc back home 💙

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sainzandrussel rest and get ready ❤️‍🔥 lets go!

lechairles IS THAT A SOFT LAUNCH????

ynandleclerc That’s absolutely a black girl and that is absolutely Yn Yln

⤷ oned1ream AND SHES WEARING HIS SHIRT 😭😭😭😭😭😭

charles1999 where are the pap pics, he must’ve paid them, not possible…

⤷ ynisland if this pic is really her, maybe. She’s able to pull that sometimes

f1hundreds Idc about anything, he looks happy 🥹

popynyln what if the crazies were into something?????

⤷ biebershawn well, at least the fact that charles is with someone they got right eh? hahah

⤷ redmercedes but that last pic is not proof of a relationship, its just a picture

⤷ biebershawn have you ever heard about SOFT launch?

ynportal waiting patiently for her username to pop on the likes… cmon, yn, I dont have all day

itsmeyn

liked by yourbestfriend, spaceykacey and others

itsmeyn It feels so good to be home! ❤️

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sunshineyln EXCUSE ME??? Who gave you the right to look this pretty???

delutifosi y’all know where this is right? is yn by any means Monegasque?

⤷ lovelyn1998 what do you think she means by “home”, bestie? 😇😇 the bullies are owning us an apologyyyy

⤷ ynfrance I CANT BELIEVE U GUYS WERE RIGHT OMG hahahaha

ynwinter she thinks she slick, the whole internet already knows, mother

taylorandyn nice soft launch, except some people figured it out weeks ago lol

midnightyn so you’re telling me not only she’s in Monte Carlo with Charles but she’s also with her friends AND wearing his shirt I-….

⤷ antiherobop can you imagine???? they probably already know each other and are really comfortable together, Im so happy if thats the case, Yn deserves a partner that loves all of her pieces and extentions

user10 she is literally glowing

⤷ charles1623 I would too if I were getting d- down by charles effing leclerc

⤷ fan43 LMAOOOO

itsmeyn

liked by jorjasmith_, sabrinacarpenter and others

itsmeyn everything has changed

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charlesleyn THEYRE BREAKING THE INTERNET!!!!

sayhello1d Omg can I please find someone who looks at me the way she looks at whoever it is? Like she’s so in love I wanna cry

ynmonaco Now I know because they were not seem each other, one look, one picture, one MOVE and EVERYONE would know they were in love, look at her!!!!!

carlitospain I can’t believe Charles Leclerc catched Yn Yln, its freaking Yn Yln!!!!!

⤷ lekingo16 homeboy has rizz lol

user80 She is so pretty I feel like crying

ynandcharles I feel so single looking at these pictures, its like shes mocking me 😔

charles_leclerc

liked by itsmeyn, pierregasly and others

charles_leclerc everything has changed and I am so grateful for it ❤️

tagged: itsmeyn

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sunshineleclerc he really said fck soft launch huh?

delusitifosi WE TOLD YALL!!!! Now say you guys are sorry!!!!

ynwander The way he is hugging her in all three pictures 😭 yeah Yn looks like you really found home

pierregasly Now can someone other than Yn get those hugs?

⤷ itsmeyn no 👍🏾

⤷ charles_leclerc no 👍🏻

⤷ ynlilly HAHAHAHA I ALREADY LOVE THEM

lewishamilton the best looking couple in the paddock!!! 🤍🤍🤍

⤷ itsmeyn whatever you say is the law, so I believe it, bestie 👑💛

⤷ lovelyn1998 U TELLING ME SHES CLOSE FRIENDS W LEWIS????

user10 I am so angry I did not believe on those twitter girlies 😭

ynfeels I’m so happy seeing her being pampered, she deserves a calm love, I am really happy

itsmeyn I love you 💗

⤷ charles_leclerc I would move the world for you. I love you the most, mon ange

⤷ disneyf1 I feel like Im intruding somehow 🧍🏾‍♀️🧍🏾‍♀️🧍🏾‍♀️ they too cute

schumickey47 Do you guys need a son, a cleaner, or a dog maybe? I can bark etc

⤷ user1 LMFAOOOOOO

********************

make sure you like and reblog <3 feel free to talk to me as well, my inbox is always open!

I will start a taglist on my posts, to be part of it you just gotta comment/send an ask saying so, and most important: have your age in your profile (I don't interact with minors!). See you guys next story! <3

#Spotify #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc social media au #f1 social media au #black!reader f1 #charles leclerc x reader #f1 imagine #everything has changed #millies original #swift!reader #singer!reader #black!reader #cl16 #op: smau

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ruewrote · 3 months

Text

𝑠𝑖𝑡 𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

PAIRING: peter parker x gn!reader WARNINGS: arguing, strong language GENRE: angst SONG INSPIRATION: naked by james arthur WORD COUNT: 440

navigation | inbox

you couldn't keep doing this with him. finally coming to the terms that peter would never truly choose you. him being out every single night without fail proved that.

today everything changes, you choose yourself instead of him.

there had been one too many date nights cancelled, one too many times that he'd slip into bed with you not knowing that you were still awake with tear stained cheeks.

what was the point anymore? you barely saw him as is.

loving him with all your might to only get little to nothing in return was draining.

if it wasn't the relationship or lack there of, it was your job. your boss asking too much too late, your family were there for you, but you could feel their constant concern and worry.

dark circles formed under your eyes from the little to no sleep you were getting, hair almost always a mess since when you did sleep you would wake up late and had to rush out of the door.

back to laying in your shared bed alone for what felt like the millionth time.

you just couldn't take it anymore and why should you?

that lead to you hurriedly packing your bags, already calling your sister and letting her know what was happening and she welcomed you into her home with open arms.

it was late when you arrived, so you quietly moved your stuff into her guest room, her bidding you a goodnight as the door closes. you were left alone again with your thoughts.

phone vibrating in your hand as pete's texts rolled in. asking where you were and if you were okay, just leaving him on read before completely turning off your phone.

you don't owe him an explanation, you didn't owe him jackshit. not for the way he treats you.

flopping down onto the bed, rolling yourself up into the covers not bothering to change.

tears fill your eyes when you think about how different he used to be, just your cute nerdy boyfriend. the one that would facetime you when he was building his new lego set, the one that would drop everything that he had going on to look after you when you were sick.

the same guy who was too shy to ask you out so he wrote little love notes and only up until you caught him in the act then he confessed his feelings for you.

it all changed when he got bit by that stupid spider, as much as you love spiderman, you loved peter parker more.

you just wanted your boyfriend back. was that too much to ask for?

possible part two...

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fakeuwus · 5 months

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URS | sim jaeyun

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ urs by niki

"the best at being the worst, but fuck sake i'm already urs "

PAIRING: jake x femreader

SYNOPSIS: a recollection of moments that lead you to confessing your love to your best friend, jake sim.

GENRE: best friends to lovers, fluff, angst (not sorry), student au

WORD COUNT: ~3.4k

WARNINGS: one curse word, mentions of god-drinking-loss of virginity, jake is oblivious, lowercase intended (mention of jay as well) barely proofread, kinda rushed (you can tell the second part was written last HELP)

MESSAGE FROM NIC: HAPPY (late) JAKE DAY 😁 (im a victim of procrastination sorry jake ily)

one rainy day in october was one you’d never forget. you had just started the 8th grade merely a month ago and you weren’t sure how well you were liking it. until that one fateful day. the day you deemed as the best day of your life.

it didn’t start out as the best at first though. the overcast sky had made you want to sleep in more, resulting in your mother threatening that you’d have to walk to school if you didn’t wake up soon. the rain that morning was brutal and unforgiving just like how your first period teacher was going to be if you didn't get to class on time. as soon as your mom parked at the drop-off section you burst through the door and made a run for the school entrance. your tiny body was being weighed down by your damp uniform and your loafers were dragging down the hall.

the clock was ticking with one minute left to make it to class and you’re determined to make it in time. perfect attendance meant a lot to your 14-year-old self and you weren’t going to let a storm get in the way of that. before you could reach for the door handle you feel yourself collide into something hard and you fall straight onto your back. “i’m so sorry! here let me help you up,” a boy’s voice rings in your ears and when you finally are able to look up, your heart stops beating.

a single spotlight shines down (it’s really just the janky hallway lights giving this effect but you’re too hypnotized to think about it) on a boy with the most beautiful, brown eyes you’ve ever seen. a bright, wide smile adorned his lips and you swear you can hear angels singing.

you take the hand that was outstretched to you and stand up, trying your best to get yourself together. you’re internally panicking because why does such a cute boy have to witness you in this state? hair all stringy, uniform jacket half off your body, and not going to lie, you kind of smell like wet dog. you think god is testing you today, he had to be.

the boy didn’t seem to mind though. he thought it was adorable the way you were flustered from running into him. all he could do was stare at you with that smile of his while you frantically made sure everything was in place. ��ready?” the mystery boy says while opening the door to the classroom, flashing you a tiny grin. it takes you a second to realize but once you walk into the classroom, your face immediately flushes red in embarrassment. all eyes are on you and cute boy.

mentally you add this to the list of many reasons why you like to be punctual: you hated the nosy gazes people shot your way when you entered a room late. “YN! you’re 5 minutes late. this is unacceptable-” “oh i’m sorry about that sir. i’m new here and got lost and yn was just showing me to class. i’m jake by the way..” jake. jake. jake. you repeat his name in your head a few times before you decide that it’s now your favorite name in the world.

when your teacher assigns jake to be your seatmate and you his tour guide, for once you’re glad you were running late. you also mentally thank god and apologize for accusing him of all the bad things that happened this morning.

two peas in a pod is how people would describe you and jake. never once leaving each other’s side since that one rainy day. you two are so attached at the hip that your family stops questioning why one is always at the other’s house and starts asking when you guys would get together. it’s your freshman year of high school and everyone around you is starting to experiment with crushes and dating so it’s only natural for parents to be curious.

jake of course, is always quick to shut it down before you can even get a word out. “mom she’s my best friend! quit asking that.” you find yourself rolling your eyes everytime he says those infamous words. you want to tell his mom that you would love for her son to be your boyfriend. that you’ve liked him the moment you laid your eyes on him. that you’re not quite sure what love is at the age of 15, but you’re so sure that you feel it whenever you’re around jake.

though you never get to say those words, his has you thinking. you realize that this whole time he never, ever refers to you as a sister, just a best friend. is it silly that your heart flutters with the tiniest amount of hope that it gives you? call it delusion but you can’t help but smile when he leaves out that one little sentence.

“what? would it be so bad to date me?” you tease and lean in, your face almost touching his. if you were to utter another word your lips would be grazing his. the air around you two shifts, no one daring to make another move. his eyes flicker towards your lips for a second and look back up to meet your stare. that split second of hesitation on his end gives you a piece of hope that maybe. just maybe. he could feel the same way about you one day.

his parents share a knowing look before they exit the kitchen, leaving you two in your own world.

three is the number of girlfriends jake has had since you met him. you think three is too many. too many that weren’t you. the first two, gaeul and chaehyun, didn’t last very long.

jake’s track record of relationships so far never threatened your friendship in any way. it always went like this: jake and said girl add each other on social media. jake and girl enter the talking stage for a week. jake and girl start dating officially on the second week. jake and girl only last the next two weeks.

on the fourth week, jake and girl break up because they’re bored and you’re there to fix his broken heart (which only takes him a day of you two playing with layla at the dog park to get over it).

you figured when he meets yizhuo during junior year, it’ll be the same routine all over again. on exactly the fourth week of them being together, you find yourself knocking on his door with two triangle kimbaps and two mango flavored melona ice bars in a plastic bag. it’s what you always brought to cheer him up from a tragic (not really) breakup.

the door swings open and it’s not jake who answers, it’s yizhuo. “oh hi yn! i didn’t know you and jake were hanging out today? i can leave if you guys had plans!” all you can do is smile at her and nod your head no.

that’s another thing about jake’s girlfriends. they’re just as sweet as he is and they give you no reason to hate them. in the back of your mind you figure thats why jake doesn’t like you like that. your smart mouth and sassy attitude aren’t what he looks for in girls. he wants kind, beautiful girls as girlfriends, the total opposite of you. the space you take up in his heart is only enough room to be his best friend and his best friend only.

when you get home from basically being rejected, jake sends you an “im sorry :(“ text. you simply reply back with “its fine” because you can never stay mad at him.

you hate yourself for being weak and having the biggest soft spot for jake. he could even forget your birthday and you’d still forgive him. but how could you not?

as the night is nearing to a close and you’re laying in bed, a buzzing noise jolts you awake. taking your phone from the nightstand, you feign annoyance at the caller, “did you need to call in the middle of the night? i’m about to sleep you know!”

“don’t be so dramatic,” you could practically hear how his eyes are rolling playfully now, “i’m at your window. let me in doofus.” and even though you swore up and down to yourself that today was the day you start getting over jake, you let him in your room.

both of you end up on the floor, your backs resting on the foot of your bed with no one saying a word. the tension is thick for some reason and jake wants to get rid of it as fast as he can.

“hey,” he nudges your shoulder with his, “are you mad at me because i didn’t hang out with you earlier? in my defense, we didn’t have official plans.”

and there it his. his signature pouty face he always pulls when you’re mad at him. he knows it’s your kryptonite. you absolutely can’t resist it. and so you crack.

“okay stop it with that face i’m not mad! it was my fault for showing up unannounced. i’m sorry if i interrupted you and yizhou, i didn’t think she’d be there.” your voice goes weak by the end of your sentence, the mention of his girlfriend making you nauseous.

jake slides his arm around your shoulders and he brings you into a side hug. you allow yourself to melt into him and savor this moment, deciding that getting over jake will be for another time.

the tension in the air is dissipated into a comforting silence. it’s just jake and you. you and jake. something you wish will never change.

(jake and yizhuo end up staying together for eight weeks. you think eight is too many.)

four years later and you and jake are now 18, entering the next stage of life. college. it had been four years since the day you met him in that hallway, drenched from the rain. those years ended up being filled with late movie nights, countless study dates, and getting caught sneaking out for convenience store runs together way too many times. jake consumed every aspect of your youth and you couldn't help but feel excited that the future will too.

it’s the second time the two of you start freshman year together and a pact is made to stick together. not that anything would get in the way of your friendship because nothing ever has yet, but you both feel with this new beginning you guys needed to solidify the strong friendship you share. a new school meant new hobbies, new classes, new teachers, and more importantly, new friends. you both pinky promise to stay by each other’s side no matter what college would throw at you guys.

unfortunately, promises were always meant to be broken. the first couple of months started off strong, you and jake getting drunk on saturdays and being hungover at the library on sundays catching up on school work. the newfound freedom you both had made for the ultimate college experience. you two managed to form a little friend group that quickly grew close. there was never a dull moment with everyone around and especially never a dull moment with jake. things were good until they weren’t anymore and you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where everything started falling apart.

could it have been when jake lost his virginity to that cool senior ryunjin? that couldn’t be it, he never talked to her again and even expressed he wished it was you who he lost it to. (you don’t let it get to your head though, jake was never a coherent drunk.)

could it have been when he skipped out on your weekly study sessions for the first time to try out for intramural flag football? nope, that wasn’t it at all. though you were sad to not have been with jake that sunday to recap the wild events from the previous night, you were happy he was indulging in sports since it was his favorite thing to do (after hanging out with you of course.)

could it have been when jake said he strictly sees you as a best friend to the guys when they were teasing him about you? well, maybe. you didn’t mean to eavesdrop while you were walking up to the spot in the quad your friends always lounged at but upon hearing your name, you couldn’t help it.

“dude c'mon, you mean to tell me you’ve never once kissed yn? not even accidentally?” jay questioned while laying on his back, soaking up the sun. jake shrugs while sipping on his coffee, “nah man she’s been my best friend since we were in middle school. it would be really awkward.” jay seems to not believe it but he doesn’t pry anymore. “whatever man, all i’m saying is that if i had a “best friend” as pretty as yn i would’ve wifed her up real quick.” you don’t stay long enough to listen to what the rest of the conversation entails so you don’t hear jake say he’s considered it many, many times.

you should be used to him showing disdain at the idea of anything romantic towards you. you’ve spent all these years hearing the same comment over and over so it shouldn’t affect you this much. but this time, it’s different. though there may have been times that jake blew you off, he always did something to make up for it. growing up with jake meant you got to witness the changes he went through. he no longer pulled that cute pouty face to apologize to you. instead, he would buy you your favorite coffee and write cute notes on the cup everyday for a week. he would surprise you with movie tickets to a movie he knew you were interested in at the time. he would plan “epic sleepovers” (his words not yours) and cuddle you to sleep on those nights.

he makes up for the times he isn’t there for you and for a moment, you accept his new form of apologizing. “actions speak louder than words,” is a notion you firmly believed in so this false sense of reality jake created between the two of you only makes your heart grow fonder of him. so when he said he could never see you in that way, it hurts this time.

five days of ignoring jake is what it took for him to come banging on your apartment door, beeging to talk to you. it hurt you to have to do this, but what he did to you at a party about a week ago was your final straw.

it should’ve been like any typical saturday night. the friend group attending a random frat party and getting shitfaced wasn’t anything new, in fact you guys seemed to top every weekend together and this one shouldn’t have been different. it started with an intense game of beer pong, guys vs. girls. the only catch, losers have to give the winners a kiss. you don’t miss the way jay orchestrates the teams leading you and jake to go against one another and you definitely don’t miss jake’s unreadable expression when he realizes what’s going on.

did the thought of kissing you really disgust him that much? you shrug it all off and continue to play because there was no way you were getting out of this situation with your drunk friends. they’d never let you hear the end of it calling you a “pussy” for chickening out on a simple game of beer pong. as the game goes on, you can feel your nerves growing. no matter the outcome, you were about to have your very first kiss with jake out of all people. once your final throw of the game makes it into the last cup, the crowd around you cheers.

you glance at jake with hopeful eyes but his never meet yours. before you could even take a step towards him, he interrupts you. "guys i’m not gonna kiss yn. friends don’t do that, it’s weird.” he steps away from the group and you can hear your heart shattering in your chest. taking a look around all you see are pitiful eyes directed towards you.

that night ended in you crying yourself to sleep, the realization hitting you that after everything you two have been through, jake truly didn’t feel the same as you did. the destructive thoughts plaguing your mind lead you to ignoring jake for the first time ever in your friendship with him. you couldn’t handle seeing him as he basically embarrassed you in front of all of your friends. if jake couldn’t even last one second kissing you because he lost a stupid game of beer pong, what makes you think he could ever want to be in a relationship with you?

hours have passed now and jake hasn’t stopped knocking at your door. he’s sitting on the cold, concrete floor leaving light taps while the words “yn, let me innn” leave his mouth every two minutes. the weather turned gloomy, much like your mood, and you finally decide to let jake in. you can’t have him walking back home in the rain can you?

“finally. yn please let me apologize-” “what’s there to apologize for? i’m not sure why you waited outside the door for so long when we have nothing to talk about.” jake shakes his head in disbelief. sure you can be pessimistic and hard headed at times but it was never directed towards him. he leads you to sit across from him on your tiny couch and the awkwardness settles in.

“look. i’m sorry for what i said that night. i just didn’t want to do anything you’d regret. we’ve been friends for so long and i-”

“GOD JAKE! are you an idiot?! why would i ever regret kissing you? have you been this blind the whole time?” when he doesn’t say a word you continue, “i have been in love with you this whole damn time! i love your beautiful brown eyes. your cute smile. the way you laugh at everything i do even when i make a bad joke. i love the that you remember every little thing about me and you listen to every word i have to say. i love how you have the biggest heart and you always left a space in it for me all of these years. how you make sure i’m never left out. how we can we be absolutely be doing nothing but it doesn’t matter because i’m with you.

so yes. i WANTED to kiss you. i thought that would finally be my chance but i guess not. you clearly don’t feel the same way and i appreciate you staying outside my door for so long to apologize but i’m far too embarrassed now that i’ve finally confessed so if you could just please leave so i can start getting over you.”

once you finish rambling you finally take a look at jake. you know him like the back of your hand, always being able to read his emotions but lately, you’re not so sure. you can’t seem to figure out what he’s thinking right now and you’re sure his silence is a sign you’ve been right this whole time.

“are you gonna let me speak now?” you nod your head slowly and let him talk. “i know. i’m an idiot. i’m an idiot for never realizing your feelings but an even bigger one for not realizing my own.” he makes his way towards you and takes your face in his hands, “i’m in love with you too yn. i love everything about you and then some.” his confession leaves you at a loss for words and jake takes it as a sign to finally kiss you.

when his lips touch yours everything feels right again. you’ve waited so long for this moment and it couldn’t have been more perfect. butterflies erupt in your stomach and sparks are flying everywhere. after a few shared kisses you rest your forehead against his. a smile breaks onto your face and you stare into his eyes longingly. it was just jake and you. you and jake.

“so. will you be mine yn?”

“i was already yours to begin with, doofus.” jake flashes that cute smile of his that you love and leans in to kiss you once again.

you've spent four years wondering if jake could ever return your feelings. day after day being his best friend that's hopelessly in love with him. now that you didn't have to wonder anymore, you deem that this rainy day is the best day of your life.

#nic's library ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚#fakeuwus #jake sim #jake sim fic #jake sim x reader #jake sim fluff #jake sim angst #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #best friends to lovers #jake enhypen #jake enha #fanfic #jake fluff #jake angst #jake x reader #jake fic #sim jaeyun

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anincompletelist · 3 months

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[ vol i | vol ii | vol iii | vol iv ]

happy january friends! :D

there have been a crazy number of wonderful fics that I have had time to catch up on this month, and I've saved a few for next month's rec as well!

as always, please remember to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed the fic or show support in other ways, and be kind! mind the tags and if you come across something you dislike, please kindly (and quietly) move on.

this turned out to be a bit of a long one! I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to the new year so far, and happy reading y'all! <3

it's a kind of magic | Jaistiel | E | 82k

Henry, the man who had asked if Alex's magic hurt him before asking if he used it for evil things. Henry, the man who seemed terrified of his magic, but also held a level of awe and wonder about it. Henry, the man who was likely scared out of his mind to share a tent with someone capable of the things Alex could do, but was offering anyway. "Alex." He watched as Henry's eyes widened with shock, his jaw dropping open just enough for his full lips to form a small, perfect 'o' shape. "If you're asking me to share your tent and your blankets, I guess you should at least know my name."

you can see it with the lights out | weathersriley | G | 3k

"Alex thinks of the water. Of feeling like he might never reach the surface, might never reach Henry. But Henry is here; Alex remembers falling asleep in the glow of his presence, and beneath his shaking fingers, Henry’s chest is warm and his heart is beating steadily and Henry is here. Alex is afraid, but Henry is here."

Dream A Little Dream Of Me | @affectionatelyrs | T+ | 9k

They’re no longer in the garden. There’s no grass, no flowers, no fireflies. Only stars—hundreds upon hundreds of them in an otherwise vast sea of darkness, dazzling and twinkling and here. “How—” “They came here for you,” Alex says, his voice light. “It’s what you desired. So, I asked them to come and shine. Just for you.” “But won’t the world need them?” Alex shrugs and simply says, “You need them more.” [Or, Five times Alex visits Henry in his dreams during his dark days, and one time he does so in the real world (and stays)]

if I do not have (your) love, I am nothing | @read-and-write- | M | 9k

The church says that sin keeps you away from God. Your disobedience is to remain hidden and only admitted during confession. The greater the sin, the greater your penance should be, and God, as the loving God he is, will forgive you. Because God is love, and he’s the greatest expression of it. Love thy neighbor is the greatest mandate of all. Yet, when Alex loves, his love is seen as perverse, impure. The greatest sin he has committed was to fall in love with another man, who has lain by his side during countless nights. But when Alex looks at Henry, he finds nothing reprehensible, nothing unclean. Instead, he finds the truest form of worship held between his arms, trailing fingertips that climb up Henry’s spine as a litany of words spill out from his mouth. A room consecrated by each whisper of God’s name, said so reverently that no one would dare say they have taken His name in vain. [A character study of Alex, religion, divinity and love.]

sea of endless hope | acastle | E | 65k+

Henry watches Alex, the man he adores and loves so ardently, and the moment is palpable, delicate, and yet too large for even the sky to contain. He watches Alex, and in that moment, he wants to be his husband, the ache and urge of it almost unbearable. “Daddy!” Nena takes Henry’s hands, and he looks down at her, the angel who had saved him, and he smiles at her, quiet with emotion, letting her lead him into place. He would follow her, follow Alex, anywhere. (Henry, Alex, and their daughter, and the first years of coming home, forever.)

I wake up with your memory over me (and that's a real fucking legacy) | @coffeecatsme | E | 21k

The ski instructor stops in front of him, takes off his goggles, and Henry about stops breathing for another reason. “Hey,” Alexander says with a grin, his face distinctly lacking in wrinkles Henry was expecting from a renowned instructor. There’s a bright grin on his face that rivals the sun, rich brown curls spilling out of a red beanie, and Henry realizes he’s absolutely fucked for a whole other reason than his inability to figure out how to stay upright in skis. [Or, the one in which Henry is hopeless at skiing despite his family's aspirations, and Mary hires Alex as an instructor to amend that.]

Praise and Supplication | @nocoastposts | E | 3k

Alex is always moving, always going, always seeking. He is defiance and brashness tinged with anxiety, but not in these moments. Henry pins him down with a gaze as heavy as his touch, and all of Alex’s motions cease. He is calm, he is obedient, he is pliable. He knows he’ll be broken apart piece by piece, sending waves of heat deep into his core. [When Alex gets stuck in his head, Henry helps him let go.]

Room for Rent (Sex Dungeon Not Included) | @everwitch-magiks | E | 19k

When Alex comes, he only knows two things: that he’s good, and that he’s Henry’s. And that’s all he needs to know. Alex’s housemate has a sex dungeon. It’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect; whips and bondage gear and a chair that looks like something a gynecologist would have use for. Alex, being the chill, sex-positive guy he is, is of course extremely cool with this. Totally normal about it. Enthusiastically supportive, even. But as Alex watches Henry invite a steady stream of men into his dungeon, he develops one tiny little issue with the arrangement: he desperately wants to take their place.

stolen glances with a string attached | @wordsofhoneydew | T+ | 6k

Henry’s eyes widen, his body tensing up in sheer humiliation. That’s when he sees a sly smirk make its way to the man’s lips, and it only makes the embarrassment course through his body more rapidly, feeling all the blood rush to his cheeks. The man then spins around in his office chair, reaching for what looks to be a piece of paper and a pen. He scribbles on it for a swift moment before pressing the paper up against his office window. The paper reads, “TAKE A PIC,” written in sloppy, bubble-like handwriting just barely legible enough for Henry to read. The man grabs another paper and writes for a moment longer, this time reading, “JK” with a winky face. Henry cocks an inquisitive eyebrow in his direction, the embarrassment slowly morphing into curiosity as the man turns the paper over for Henry to read the other side. “ALEX.” [An AU in which two men fall in love through their office windows]

two is better than one | @bigassbowlingballhead | E | 8k

“You’ve thought about being with two of me, baby?” Alex teases, “Are you sure you can handle that?” he smirks. “I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.” Henry says matter of factly. “Not that it’s even fathomable.” “What if it could be…”

love left a permanent mark | @hypnostheory | E | 10k

Henry clears his throat and answers again. “I’m a bit nervous. About the needles.” “Thank you for telling me,” Alex says, voice dipping low. Henry wouldn’t move from his spot on the couch if the apartment was on fire. “People aren’t afraid of the needle. They’re afraid of the pain. But you’re not scared of that, right?” [Henry decides to get a tattoo. It comes with more than one kind of aftercare.]

Grounded In Fact | @england-would-fall | E | 5k

When Georgetown grad student Henry's and Alex's flights home are cancelled for bad weather, they secure the last room at a nearby hotel. Henry Fox, facing the prospect of sharing a bed with his roommate/love of his life/friend he has never confessed his feelings to, enters into an epic state of Gay Panic (tm). Come on in and watch as Henry Who Is Experiencing The Greatest Tragedy Since The Burning Of Alexandria navigates this very real and not at all in-his-head crisis.

kitchen confidential | @dumbpeachjuice | T+ | 4k

The NDA is approximately a mile long. “Jesus fuck,” Alex splutters. “What, is their favourite film The Menu or something? Am I gonna come out of this one alive?” [Or, the one where Alex is hired to cater a private dinner party for Prince Henry and his friends, and it does not go as he expects.]

Newton's Fourth Law | dilfpickles | E | 26k

In which Alex meets his new very attractive roommate through Reddit, downloads Grindr, and discovers some things about himself and his roommate in the process.

Knowing me, knowing you | phlebotinxm | E | 8k

It wasn’t like the thought crept up on him by surprise. It had come in waves, like white salty water spread upon the shore and leaving little bits of foam and dust for people to see, like an idea Henry couldn’t quite shake that seemed to bleed into every era of their lives. It stayed at the back of his mind as he got up in the morning, and pulsed against his temple when he fell asleep. [In which, upon discovering something he’d never imagined about his father, Henry realizes that he is ready to take the next big step in his and Alex’s relationship.]

All the Lonely Starbucks Lovers | @kiwiana-writes | E | 5k

“That floor doesn’t look like it’s very comfortable on your knees, is all.” Henry leans forward, scooping out a piece of brownie that got under the counter, somehow. “I wouldn’t worry about that—my knees are quite used to it, I assure you.” A ringing silence follows this pronouncement, during which Henry focuses very hard on opening a trap door directly into hell with the power of his mind. [Or, five times Henry puts his foot in his mouth in front of his customer crush, and one time he puts his dick in his customer crush's mouth instead doesn't.]

The Consequences (Of Our Actions) series | @anchoredarchangel | E | 78k+

"I sort of came out as bisexual to both Nora and myself when we were watching that fucking snoozefest of a Royal Wedding years ago, and I told her with no hesitation that you were on my list.” Suddenly, Henry looks very present in this previously one-sided conversation, eyes boring into him even if he sounds a little choked as he clarifies, “I was on-” “My No Consequences sex list,” Alex confirms brazenly, “Yeah." [Or: During an inadvisable spot of dating years back, Alex and Nora made a game out of making extensive lists of celebrities they could hook up with without it being cheating. One breakup and several years later, Alex meets someone on his list for the very first time at a charity gala and decides it's appropriate to tell him all about it.]

Burnt Offering | justice fortheJ14magazine | G | 9k

He just needs to get through washing his hair. Simple. Except washing his hair has never been simple. It’s the polar opposite, actually. The more he thinks about the task set out in front of him, the more daunting and impossible it feels. His limbs feel like lead and the weight of the hot water pouring over him makes his head buzz. But Alex can do this. He’s done it before. A shower after a long lacrosse game or that one time he had the flu and had to stop three times to sit under the water and collect himself. He can handle a little finals week exhaustion. He has to. [Or, Alex’s hair care routine is elaborate, he struggles to let Henry help him, and he learns some important things about receiving love through service.]

Ho for the Holidays | @whimsymanaged | E | 6k

“Listen, don’t worry about this,” Henry says quickly, already mentally crafting the passive-aggressive text he’s going to send Pez. “Better luck next year. I’ll just be off—“ “Hold your damn horses.” Alex stops Henry with a fast, surprisingly gentle hand to his wrist. His eyebrows furrow. “What did you put on your questionnaire?” Henry’s ears go hot. “That’s none of your business.” Alex scoffs and leans in closer. “Baby, we matched. It’s safe to say we have at least some interests in common. Be honest—was it because you confessed to having a secret desire to slap me?” [Or, Pez organizes an event called Ho for the Holidays, and these two idiots get paired up.]

see you all soon! :D

sarah / anincompletelist xx

#my fic recs #fic recs #rwrb fic #red white and royal blue fanfic #firstprince #Alex x Henry #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor

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jordyn14 · 11 days

Note

request

angst (divorce, don’t love)

Y/N and Joe are childhood bestfriends, their families are friends and everyone waited the moment that they had start date. They started dating officially during 9th grade. They married after their graduation and they had four children. Joe always been a wonderful man, kind, gentleman, always treated as a goddess, and he is a greatest dad. but y/n leaves him devastated by asking for divorce, because she feels that her love as a wife is over, she no longer loves him as a husband.

Pairing: Joe x first person fem reader

Word count: 2283

Notes: thank you for this request! Keep in mind that it is the first request I’ve gotten so I hope you enjoy!!!

For the past few months, something has been weighing down on me. From the time I wake up to the time my head hits my pillow at night, I am thinking about it. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to shake it. What’s worse is that Joe has no idea what is going on. I don’t know if the worse part about it is that I’m going to be dropping a bomb on him out of nowhere, or the fact that he has been so oblivious about his own wife being completely miserable. I wake up, take the kids to school, go to work, pick the kids back up, make dinner, say hello to Joe, go to sleep, and do it all over again. Over…and over…and over again.

It sucks. This life sucks. I never thought I’d be saying it, but it’s true. It didn’t used to suck, though. My life was great. I moved to Athens, Ohio when I was 10 years old after my dad got a new job. I knew nobody at my new school. I walked through school with my head held low, scared that I would never make friends and never connect with anyone at this new school. That was until someone took a chance on me. Can you guess who? Ding ding ding. Joseph Lee Burrow.

He was incredible from the start. Every chance we got, we were hanging out either with some other friends, or alone. We became such good friends that our parents had no other choice but to become best friends as well. From the start, our families used to joke around about how one day we would fall in love and get married. Of course we responded with, “ew, her? No, she’s my best friend,” or “ew, him? No, he’s my best friend.” I thought we would stay best friends forever, until I slowly started to realize that I was falling for my best friend. We stayed friends all the way until 9th grade when Joe finally confessed he had feelings for me.

All throughout high school we were together. We were inseparable. We were known as the ‘it couple’ of high school. Anywhere I went, Joe went, and anywhere Joe went, I went. We loved it that way, though. We never got sick of each other. We wanted to be in each other’s presence forever. We eventually won prom king and queen and obviously went to the same college. Right after our first year of college, when I finally turned 18, Joe proposed to me and we got married. We were so in love, even at a young age. When people said that true love or soulmates didn’t exist I wanted to say, “excuse me, speak for yourself.”

Everything was going right for so long, even through long distance when Joe went to LSU. It was hard, but we got through it and moved to Cincinnati right after the draft. My husband, the #1 pick in the draft. We were on top of the world. Everything was going our way. Shortly after the draft, I got pregnant. It was incredible. We were finally able to build the family we always wanted. One kid led to two, two led to three, and then finally we had our fourth child 5 months ago.

Everything was going right, until it wasn’t. After a few years, things started to fall apart for me. It was so incredibly hard to be in the spotlight. Not only was I supposed to maintain this image as the QB1’s wife, but I had to do it all while juggling work and kids. That’s when the anxiety came. Trying to uphold this image felt impossible and no matter how much Joe tried to reassure me, it just wasn’t enough.

I thought I could do it. I thought I could be with Joe while he lived out his dream, but I couldn’t anymore. It was too hard. It was too much pressure. The realization that I was falling out of love with my husband was heartbreaking and terrifying, but I wanted-no, needed-better for myself. Joe needed a wife who could endure all of those things that came with being married to a man in the NFL. I just wasn’t the right girl for him.

I sat on the couch with my hands in my lap, picking away at the skin until my fingers bled. I wiped the blood off on my pant leg while bobbing my knee up and down, up and down. So many Thoughts raced through my head, but I knew what I needed to do. All of a sudden, I heard Joe’s car pull into the driveway and knew that this was it. This would be the last time Joe would come home to his loving wife. This would be the last time Joe thought he was coming home to a woman who loves him.

I finally stood up while still ripping off the skin around my finger nails as the door opened up. Joe walked in a few steps and groaned loudly while throwing his bag on the couch. “Oh boy, today’s workout was tiring.” He chuckled and began to walk over to me, stretching his arms above his head. I gave him a small smile as he wrapped me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him as a tear escaped, but I quickly wiped it away before he noticed.

Even now he still couldn’t tell anything was wrong. Was he really that oblivious? How Could he not tell that his own wife was miserable? When we pulled away, Joe glanced up at the stairs with a confused look on his face and asked, “where are the kids?” I stayed in place as he walked over to the stairs, waiting for the 3 of them to run down and give him a big hug. They usually did. It was the same thing every. Single. Day.

“Maisie is upstairs sleeping, but Dakota, Louie, and Georgia are at the sitters. Can we talk?” I asked him. With a hesitant shrug, Joe walked over to the kitchen, expecting dinner to be done and waiting for him like always. Don’t get me wrong, he loved me with his whole being. He loved our family with his whole being. But everyday was the same. He came home, said hi to me and the kids, ate and watched film. It was like I got no time alone with him. I craved that kind of love again. The love that consumed me. The love I felt before he let football come between us.

“Where’s dinner? I’m starving.” Joe said when he realized there was no dinner cooking yet. “I didn’t make dinner yet, can we talk first?” I asked Joe and followed right after him as he leaned on the counter. “I have to go watch some game film, but after I can go pick up some food.” He said with a smile. With a sigh, I looked down at the ground for a few seconds before dragging them up to Joe. “Joe, for the past 6 years, we haven’t been right…I don’t want to do this to you, but I want a divorce.” I said. I ripped the bandaid right off. I didn’t give myself time to change my mind and continue to be miserable. For the first time in a few years, I finally spoke my mind. It felt amazing.

Joe chuckled and walked over to the cupboard, grabbing out some potato chips. I heard the annoying ruffling of the bag before I heard him chewing. “Haha, so funny.” Joe laughed, thinking I was joking. “This isn’t a joke. Can we talk?” I asked. Joe glanced over at me with that same smile on his face as he shoved some more chips in his mouth. Still, he laughed like I was joking, going about his business. I bit the inside of my cheek as I continued to hear his annoying chewing in my ear. All of a sudden, I ripped the bag of chips away from him and slid them across the counter so he couldn’t reach them.

“This isn’t a joke.” I said. The smile on Joe’s face dropped immediately and he looked shocked. “What are you talking about?” He asked me in a nervous monotone way. I tried to stop the tears from rolling down my face, but I couldn’t. No matter how much I wanted a divorce and how much I was miserable living here with him, I still felt like I was going to be losing a part of me. Ever since I was 10 I’ve been with Joe, and now I wouldn’t. I didn’t know how I was going to continue my life without him, but I needed to. For my own sanity and wellbeing.

“I want a divorce Joe. I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.” I said. Joe was quick to answer, shocked at what I was throwing at him, “what do you mean? Everything is fine…” Joe said, trying to think of when I’ve shown that I was not okay with the way our relationship was going. I felt crushed at the fact that he couldn’t even tell that for a while-mostly the past few months-I’ve fallen out of love with him.

“No it’s not Joe. I can’t do this anymore.” I said. I tried to talk more, but Joe talked over me. “Why?” He asked me quickly and abruptly. “I can’t keep doing this-“ I started to say but he cut me off once again and said, “What do you mean this? What do I need to do?” I put both of my hands on the counter and drug my eyes up to look like him. “Everything, Joe. Everything. It’s exhausting. I thought I would be able to juggle a full time job, being a mom, and being married to an NFL player, but I can’t, I’m sorry.” I admitted to him.

It felt like a weight was being lifted off of my shoulders. For the first time in a long time, I was able to take a deep breath and let go of some anxiety and stress. “No, no, no,” Joe said to himself and then looked up at me with a painful look on his face, “you’re saying you don’t love me anymore?” My heart was crushed at the look on his face and how helpless he looked. The love of his life was telling him that she wanted to leave and he was in denial. “No, Joe. I don’t. Our crazy lives ruined that for us. I mean hell, we barely see each other. If you’re not at games, you’re at the facility or in a different state with friends while I’m at work or with the kids. I don’t deserve that and the kids don’t either.” I said.

Doing what I did, Joe leaned on the counter like he couldn’t stand up straight as tears streamed down his now rosy cheeks. “You signed up for that…don’t do this…we love each other.” He said. I let out a small sob, the emotions spilling over uncontrollably. I put my hand over my mouth and said, “I know I did, and I am so, so sorry for that, but I can’t do it anymore. I need a husband who is around more and is willing to sacrifice his job for his family.” I said. Joe walked closer to me while shaking his head, his face wet with tears and some snot from crying. I could barely look at his face. It pained me so much to see him like this. He was so despondent.

“You know I can’t do that.” He said simply, running his fingers through his long hair quickly. Oh that hair. I would miss that hair. “I know, and that’s why I have to leave. You don’t deserve a wife who no lon-no longer loves you.” I said, unable to get the sentence out without letting out a sob. It hurt me so much, but this was good. I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay. “Come on, don’t do this. I don’t understand. I love you more than anything.” Joe cried. I felt terrible, I did. For so long he went through life thinking nothing was wrong, and maybe I was good at hiding it, but he should’ve known. He should’ve been able to tell that his wife wasn’t happy with him or in love with him anymore.

“Listen to me, Joe. This life was great, don’t get me wrong. We were great…but football changed you and changed the way I feel about you. I want more out of this life than just being your second option.” I said. Joe looked up at me with a small scowl through the tears and said, “you were never my second option. Never. You know that.” He said. But it was a lie. I used to be his first option though, and I wish it were still that way, because this wouldn’t be happening if so. “Yes, yes I am. It started after your second year in the NFL, right after you tore your ACL. After that, me and the kids came second to your football career.” I said.

I scanned Joes face as he started to connect some of the dots and realize that after today, everything would change. Our lives would be so different after today. “I don’t hold anything against you, Joe, please understand that. It’s an impossible spot to be in, for both of us. But you deserve a person who is okay with being second to football, and I’m not.” I said. “Please don’t do this to me.” Joe said and looked up at me. We held eye contact for a few seconds, just scanning each other’s faces. I could tell Joe was searching my eyes for some sort of connection. For some sort of love. Maybe if he found that he could save this marriage, but he looked down at his hands when he found none. “It’s over, we’re over.” I said.

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deeper-x-deeper · 2 months

Text

I've recently had a surge of new followers, and hit a new personal milestone, so I have something to confess.

I think it's about time you all know exactly how deep my research into hypnosis goes.

and what that means for all of you, my dearly dedicated followers.

especially those of you who find yourself fantasizing about what it would feel like to go deeper than you've ever felt with the gentle guidance of my words.

because, you see, I've been watching all of you for a while. taking notes, from your notes.

even if we aren't mutuals, that doesn't mean I don't see you.

that I don't pick up on the patterns between things you like and things you reblog.

I read all of your tags.

every. single. one.

commentary within them gives me a peek into what kinds of things catch your attention, and why.

even seeing the tags you use to organize them within your own blog is helpful, showing me the things you associate with my words.

and to my dear, beloved mutuals?

well. I see everything.

interesting how, the deeper down I go in your posts, I can see the ways I've affected you.

the ideas I've subtly planted in your minds to sprout into larger fantasies, simply by describing my own.

I see the way they inspire your own posts, and maybe expand the range of the things you reblog from others.

it gives me a little peek behind the curtain of your collective minds, telling me not just what you're into, but also why you're into it.

the why is the most useful part, you see.

if I know that the reason you crave to drop deep to my words is because you love the way they slip and sink into your mind

if I know the reason you enjoy dropping into obedience is because you know it will make you feel a purpose beyond yourself, even if that purpose is to be an entertaining toy for someone else

or maybe you'd rather be something more useful than just a toy.

perhaps, you'd like to be my test subject.

I think you'd enjoy the way I bring you up just to drop you deep

over and over

going so much deeper every time

simply because I'm interested in testing the limits of exactly how deep you can go into trance.

perhaps one day I do things slowly, dropping you little by little throughout your day, until eventually each trance builds on itself enough to make you instantly plunge into the abyss

instantly mindless with a single word.

on a different day, maybe I'd see what happens if I spent hours fractionating you into oblivion, only letting you have a handful of moments of consciousness until you've been dragged up and down so many times that your mind itself becomes the pendulum that swings

back and forth

between waking and trance

until the gentle rhythmic sway of it causes you to keep going deeper

and deeper

no longer needing any input from myself to continue the process of fractionation.

then, slowly, you piece yourself back together, back to consciousness

ready for the next round of my experiments

because testing your limits of how deep you can go was only the first stage of my research.

the truly fun part has yet to begin.

#i talk sometimes #hypnosis #text induction #covert hypnosis #I think? I tried. feedback is appreciated

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