#wait. okay. beginning to understand what people mean when they say commitment issues. i am like a small frightened dog. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

realcube · 3 years

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❥ HOW HE CONFESSES

characters ❥ mikey, draken & baji

tw ❥ the beach, bad driving, mentions of murder and cursing

cr ❥ requested by anon

a/n ❥ i’ve not read the manga yet :’(

MIKEY

♥ his love language is shoplifting for you <33

♥ like okay.. in writing it kinda sounds pathetic compared to all the other shit he does but like.. he goes through the effort of personally picking up your favourite snack from the grocery store —instead of getting his toman underling to do it for him — and hiding them under his shirt

♥ and he thinks about you the whole time he is sprinting away from security

♥ if that isn’t true love idk what is

♥ today wasn’t any ol’ day tho, snacks and sweets were going to cut it

♥ instead, he went for the big shiny rock on a ring he keeps seeing the window of the rock shop on the high street

♥ it was pretty, for a rock, but not pretty enough for anyone in their right mind to think it’s worth £10,000/$14,000/ ¥1,500,000!!!

♥ however, after hearing that price from a salesperson, he knew that stupid rock ring was exactly how he’d win your heart <3

♥ it was a challenge and it had him working overtime, but after pulling some strings, doing a couple favours, and maybe even inadvertently killing some people (you never know 🤷‍♂️), he managed to get his hands on the pristine stone, which he had come to learn was called a diamond, which was why it was so expensive

♥ the guy who did him the favour of stealing it initially asked if mikey was planning on proposing and mikey said yes —since asking you out on a date is technically a proposal — and the dude didn’t even question it, he just said good luck

♥ and that sort of energy was exactly what mikey needed right now as he stood behind a wall near your lunch table as he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do

♥ all your friends had left yet you were still sitting there alone since mikey texted you and asked for you to wait behind, and the fact you actually did filled him with hope from the get-go

♥ “(y/n)! there you are!” mikey greeted as if he didn’t know exactly where you were this whole time. why was his heart thumping so harshly in his chest? and why did he suddenly feel overwhelmingly embarrassed? i mean, he’s not done anything worth being awkward about.. yet.

♥ he didn’t understand. he never usually gets this way around people. but then again, he shouldn’t be surprised since he knew you were an exception from the beginning

♥ “hi, mikey.” you hummed, head propped gently on your arm while you slipped your phone away, “why did you want to see me? is something wrong?”

♥ the slight concern he detected in your voice was enough for him to immediately blurt out, “oh, no! nothing like that! everything is great; i am great and i, erm, hope you are too.” he announced, somewhat glad that your only reaction was a blank stare as it meant he doesn’t feel inclined to explain himself

♥ “so, uh, i was just wonder if you..” he started, clenching his jaw as he mentally reassured himself. the fact that he felt embarrassed about feeling embarrassed made things infinitely harder from him. he took a deep breath, and spilled

♥ “do you want to go out on a date with me sometime?” he basically screamed, squeezing his eyes shut tight and emptying his left pocket onto the table in front of you so that his special gift would accompany his proposal

♥ he closed his eyes as if that was going to protect him from rejection, but before he was able to silently rebuke himself, he heard faint sobbing from where he dropped his present

♥ upon opening his eyes, the shock from the sight before him was enough to give him whiplash

♥ in an unfortunate turn of events, he must’ve emptied the wrong pocket because sitting on the table in front of you was not a diamond ring, but rather a sherbet dip he bought to share with you if you said ‘yes’ to his proposal

♥ and his suspicions were correct, you were the one crying

♥ ....

♥ waIT WHY ARE YOU CRYING mikey panicked, frantically looking around for someone who might’ve hurt you, or perhaps someone he’d have to send to A&E

♥ “are you okay?”

♥ “yeah.” you whispered, your light chuckle enough to prevent mikey from worrying any more, “i’m just..” you stuttered, smiling fondly at the blonde, “i’m just really happy. i thought you’d never ask.”

♥ it was impossible for mikey to conceal the sigh of relief he breathed as he slumped down next to you on the bench, “thank god. i thought someone had threatened you or something.”

♥ “threatened me? why would they do that?” you innocently cocked your head to the side, rubbing your eyes as you did so.

♥ oh, yeah. mikey hadn’t been fully transparent with you about his.. current employment. as far as you knew, he was a full-time student at ‘toman academy’ and he had a part-time job babysitting (which was hardly a lie, in his opinion)

♥ so you didn’t really know about how he was the leader of the tokyo manji gang or any of that

♥ originally he thought it was fine to keep it a secret, but now that you were officially his partner it would be immoral to not let you know about his affiliation with the gang

♥ so he decided to tell you over a sherbert <33

♥ “so, are we official?” he cooed, ripping the lollypops out of the bag and popping one in his mouth while offering you the other by tapping it against your lips lightly

♥ “yep.” you smiled, taking the lolly into your mouth with a smile, glad that he didn’t bring up your little waterworks a few second ago

♥ but in all honesty, he was preoccupied wondering what the most appropriate way to phrase ‘i am the leader of a gang of delinquents’ would be

♥ poor little mikey brain working on overdrive

♥ he decided to pull out the ring, since he still had to give that to you, so while you were entranced by the fat gem glistening under the light in mikey’s possession, he began, “so, babe, do you think being a gang leader is hot?”

DRAKEN

♥ he honestly didn’t have a clue how to ask you out

♥ in fact, he didn’t even know that he had a crush on you until mikey pointed out all of his weird behaviours around you

♥ so his first instinct was to go to mikey for advice when thinking of ways to ask you out

♥ but the only idea that mf was to get ‘will you go out with me, (y/n)?’ tattooed onto his ‘thick skull’ and ofc draken wasn’t about to do that

♥ although he did consider it for like.. a minute

♥ (he was like.. hmmmm... well, the tattoo guy does owe me a favour so... maybe i could get it for free?)

♥ (or permanent marker might work???)

♥ anyway, he eventually decided to ask you out the good ol’ fashion way!! by just telling you how he feels

♥ however, once he explained this plan to mikey, he was scoffed and said ‘good luck with that’ in the most condescending tone of voice

♥ draken’s initial instinct was to simply beat up mikey and go ask you out anyway, but this conflict ran deeper than just him and mikey bickering about trivial issues- his whole relationship was on the line!

♥ so after hearing the leader out, he finally decided on the most appropriate way to confess — just like how all the dudes in the animes mikey and him and watched did it

♥ by giving you flowers and chocolates <3

♥ and mikey even offered to come into the store with draken and help him choose the goods since mikey was a self-proclaimed ‘love-expert’

♥ draken obviously denied his offer but he came along anyway

♥ “ooh, ken-chin! look at these ones, they’re on sale.” mikey gasped, happily grabbing a pack of heart-shaped chocolates off the shelf, ripping them open and stuffing his face, “and they are delicious too!”

♥ paying no attention to the fact that mikey had essentially already committed a crime since there was no way he intended to pay for those chocolates, draken mused while eyeing up the rest of the sweets, the bouquet of flowers he had already chosen tucked under his arm, “valentine’s day was a week ago, that’s probably why they are on sale.”

♥ “draken?”

♥ a familiar voice from the end of the aisle caused draken to avert his gaze from the chocolates displayed in front of him and instead search for the source of the voice, which happened to be you standing innocently with your basket in-hand

♥ “ah, (y/n),” draken tensed, immediately shoving the bouquet of flowers behind his back at hopefully out of your sight as he put on a forced smile to distract from them too, “what a nice surprise seeing you here.”

♥ “hm?” mikey chimed in, unable to vocalise his curiosity through the chocolates stuffed in his mouth, but that didn’t stop him from trying, “is that the (y/n) you were talking about? the one you were going to conf--”

♥ “that’s enough outta you.” draken hissed through a fake smile, shoving mikey into the next aisle, which happened to be the snack aisle so, entertained, he decided to stay put

♥ “oh, is that your friend mikey?” you inquired, having only ever heard about mikey through rumours up until now. though none of them exactly matched the image you saw just there

♥ “yep, he’s pain sometimes, but he’s still cool.” draken muttered, awkwardly rolling on the balls of his feet as he waited for a deity to save him from this interaction — not that he didn’t want to talk to you, it’s just that every second you spend with him, the less likely it becomes that his confession will go as planned

♥ and you only confirmed that with your follow-up question

♥ “i see you’ve got flowers, and you’re looking for chocolates. who’s the special someone?” you teased, poking draken’s cheek playfully (which is one of the many things he only finds comfort in when you do it)

♥ “oh, no one.” he hummed, his coy smile doing a number on your heart rate

♥ “how about you? who is that card for?” he inquired casually, gesturing to the classic pink ‘i have something to tell you... <3′ confession card that was only in-stock during valentine’s day season, that was sitting atop the groceries in your basket

♥ a cocky smirk tugged at his lips — as if to say ‘i won’ — while he watched you become increasingly flustered right in front of him. it was adorable

♥ but he thought it would stop there; stop with him winning the teasing battle, you getting all sheepish then leaving but that apparently wasn’t your plan

♥ instead, you lowered your head and outstretched your arms to give him the card (which was still in the wrapping plastic)

♥ “red-handed. i bought these with you in mind, draken.” you said, voice barely above a whisper, “but if you don’t accept then that’s fine too, have a nic--”

♥ “who said i don’t accept?” draken grumbled, almost as if he was annoyed, as he took your card and examined the card thoroughly for a couple seconds

♥ then suddenly, he froze. the shock of the realisation leaving him stunned to the point where the only thing he could do was shift his eyes from the card on to you and utter in a terrified tone, “this isn’t, uh, this isn’t a confession, is it?”

♥ you shrugged, “i guess, it is.”

♥ “damn it.” draken cursed, glaring at the snack aisle and hence mikey, for giving him this stupid idea

♥ “is there a problem?”

♥ “no.” draken said through gritted teeth before pulling out the bouquet his had hidden behind his back, “but i was meant to confess first.”

♥ your jaw dropped, leaving draken concerned for a second until you instantly pulled him in for a tight hug; another thing he admired about you was that you gave hugs like you were in the mafia, strong enough to cut off his airflow

♥ “double confession!” you squealed, absolutely delighted that draken not only wanted to confess to you, but he had the same idea to come to the shop and buy stuff beforehand

♥ “i guess so.” draken chuckled, handing you the bouquet of flower as soon as you pulled away, “these are for you.”

♥ you gasped, smiling at how he managed to remember your favourite kind of flower after a single off-handed comment you made ages ago, “thank you!” you hugged them to your chest, “have you already paid for them?”

♥ “no.” draken replied simply. “but they are still yours.”

♥ sometimes it slipped your mind that draken was part of a literal gang since.. he just seemed so normal and humble

♥ but on some other occasions, it was painfully difficult to consider draken anything close to ‘normal’

♥ and one of those moments was when he was trying to convince security he was pregnant with a flower-baby, and when that evidently didn’t work, he just made a run for it with mikey, whose pants pockets were filled with sweets that trailed behind him where ever he ran

BAJI

♥ he didn’t even ponder about how he was supposed to confess to you for over a second

♥ the idea just came to him instantly and he went with it

♥ the only question he asked was ‘how can i show them how badass i am without bragging?’ and he immediately came up with an answer and rolled with it, no questions asked

♥ and there was no planning or anything done beforehand either, he literally just texted you ‘where are you?’ at like 7PM and when you replied ‘the park’, he hopped on his bike and sped over

♥ like he didn’t even ask which park.. he just guessed.. but he guessed correctly

♥ your heart almost stopped as you watched a chunky motorcycle come speeding towards you at such a rate that all you could do was brace for impact and kiss goodbye to your relatively peaceful live

♥ however, at the very last second it swerved around you and came to a halt, allowing the rider to extend his free hand to you, “hop on.”

♥ the voice was all to familiar and you weren’t surprised at all to see baji with his signature ‘i could kill you’ grin plastered on his face

♥ as your heart rate slowly began to return to normal, you cried, “what do you mean ‘hop on’? you almost ran me over!”

♥ he unclipped his helmet and tossed it to you, “safety first.”

♥ “did you even hear what i just said?” you grumbled, putting on the helmet anyway

♥ “i think you said something about how excited you are to finally go out with me.” he mused, shuffling forwards slightly to give you more space to sit on behind him, like a true gentleman /s

♥ “no.” you replied simply.

♥ though you initially had no intention of going anywhere with him, you still found yourself reaching your leg over his bike to take a seat behind him, “where are we going?”

♥ baji shrugged, chuckling slightly as he felt you gently wrap your arms around his hips, “don’t know, but hold on tight.” he warned, revving his engine and taking off without another word

♥ perhaps you were the fool for getting on a motorcycle with baji and letting him take you to an undisclosed location, but you trusted him enough to know that he wouldn’t try to drive you off a cliff or put you in danger.. or at least, that is what you hoped

♥ however, if it wasn’t a rival gang that kills you, baji’s driving definitely would

♥ he drives like a madman and left you with no other choice but to cling onto him for dear life, since if you didn’t bury yourself into his side, you’d probably fly off with all sharp turns he does around the other cars/bikes

♥ it was like being taped to the top of a vehicle in mario cart

♥ eyes squeezed shut, you yelled over the harsh blaring of the wind, “slow the fuck down! where are you even taking me?”

♥ baji was having fun, but he was getting the feeling you weren’t..

♥ usually he doesn’t care about what other think but this was the first time he was taking you out, he didn’t want you to think of him as a maniac driver, or else you might not want to come with him ever again

♥ “if you open your eyes, you’ll see.” he uttered, slowing down slightly so the noises weren’t as harsh

♥ taking his word for it, you hesitantly pried open one of your eyes and turned your neck so your face was no longer pressed against his shoulder

♥ and honestly, you were glad you did. passed the edge of the road, you had the perfect view of the beach below, the sea gently glistening under the orange sunset

♥ now that your nose was free from only breathing in baji’s sickeningly strong, wild spice body spray, you finally able to enjoy fresh ocean air

♥ “the beach.” you mused, smiling down at the completely deserted sandy shore, which looked so beautifully peaceful in contrast to how busy it was when you usually come

♥ “no shit.” baji chuckled, his eyes remaining glued to road, despite how much he wanted to see your reaction

♥ you let out a defeated sighed, leaning against his back, “but it’s closed.”

♥ baji nodded, “yep, that means we’ve got the whole place to ourselves!”

♥ before you could question what baji meant by that, he steered off the edge of the road and down the steep hillside which led to the beach, though it definitely was not meant to be drove on as there were several warning sign at the side of the road, warning drivers about the hill

♥ “baji, what the fuck?!” you screamed over baji’s amused laughter, similar to the way you’d laugh if you were playing GTA, rather than playing with actual human lives

♥ “isn’t this fun?” he yelled back, enjoying how the wind felt against his skin as he maneuvered his bike down the steep hill

♥ honestly, you weren’t sure whether you enjoyed it or not, but as soon as the bike came to a smooth landing upon the soft sand of the beach, you found yourself silently wanting to do that again

♥ “well, how was that?” baji asked, immediately hopping off the bike on his own only so he could offer you a hand

♥ accepting his hand, you stepped off the cycle only to notice that your legs were shaking, yet you oddly liked it, “that was.. okay.” you murmured, not wanting to feed his ego but also unable to lie to him.

♥ “great.” he uttered, leaning forward to carefully unclip your helmet for you and sling it over the handle of his bike

♥ “so,” he started, looking around the beach for any stray cops or surveyors, “what do you wanna do?”

♥ he felt a light tug on his jacket sleeve, causing him to look down and meet your pleading gaze, “do you think we could go out again? some other time, maybe?”

♥ all baji did was laugh, resulting in you become sheepish for a moment, until he wrapped his arms around you picked you up for a hug, “obviously!”

♥ you smiled, your cheeks heating up slightly, “nice!”

♥ “anyway,” he started, placing you back down and dashing off towards the sea, “loser owes me lunch!”

♥ ignoring how he gets lunch either way, you immediately sprinted off behind him, watching as he dramatically fell over a large shell and face-planted into the the sand

♥ being the kind friend you are, you ignored him and continued running towards the water, only for him to grab your ankle and trip you up too

♥ “ha!” that is how he shows affection <3

#tokyo revengers sano manjiro #manjirou sano x reader #mikey x reader #draken x reader #draken x you #mikey x y/n #baji scenarios #baji x y/n #draken x y/n #ryuguji ken x reader #mikey x you #baji x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #keisuke baji

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bokunosimpfiction · 3 years

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Yandere!Karl Heisenberg x Reader

Synopsis: Heisenberg kidnaps the reader. And she’s pissed about it. And so is he. Turns out there’s a lot more to it than it seems, tw: kidnapping I’m not tagging for violence because it’s less graphic than even the mild stuff in canon. Like reader gets a concussion and a dislocated arm, that’s it.

A/N: first time ever writing for Resident Evil. I haven’t even played the games, only watched a play-through and immediately fell in love with this hobo. Honestly, there’s a lot of room to make a sequel or some more from this but I have commitment issues and it probably won’t happen.

Oh and one last thing! Do you think I should add resident evil: village to my fandoms I write for or no. Let me know please!

It’s dark in your small cottage, claustrophobic with the way you stumble to the front door as fast as you can. You try to take deep breaths, but you can’t, not with someone chasing you. You cut through the kitchen, and when he reaches out to grab you, you slam the door to a cabinet as hard as you can. You can hear his pained yell.

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, (y/n),” he says.

“I’ll make it as hard as I damn please!” You put your hand on the handle to the front door, twist and right before you manage to open it, a body slams into yours and you hear your arm pop. Loudly. And it burns at the elbow like someone poured gasoline on it and set it on fire.

You can hear his heavy breathing and feel the warm air on the crown of your head. “You put up a good fight, I’ll give you that much.” He presses his body further into yours, and you feel everything. The toned muscle under a layer of fat, the harsh fabric of his shirt and jacket, and the bulge that presses into the small of your back.

“You’re so small,” he coos, like he’s talking to a dog, “I can’t wait to break you.”

You manage to wiggle one arm free and jab him in the side as hard as you can with your elbow. You hear him say oof under his breath, and you take this as the opportunity to press your foot into the door and push back into him as hard as you can, to at least get him to stumble back.

It doesn’t work, he just leans his whole-body weight on you and uses one hand to smash your head into the door. He could have done it harder, you reckon, but it still hurts like a mother fucker. “Shut the fuck up before I do something I regret.”

“Like you don’t already regret breaking into my house and trying to kidnap me? Like you don’t regret slamming me into my door and dislocating my elbow? What are you going to do to me that you’ll regret? Huh?”

He looks down at you through those yellow glasses of his, light from the glass peephole reflecting off of them but his hat shading the rest of his face. “I said shut the fuck up!” He presses your head even further into the door, and your temple digs into the frame. It hurts, and your eyes water from the pain.

“Who even are you?!” You end up shouting. His grip loosens a little bit, just enough for you to move your head off the door frame and onto the actual door. “I’ve never met you in my goddamn life and you break into my house, say you love me, and try to kidnap me!”

Something in him breaks, you can tell, the outline of his features look crestfallen. “You don’t know who I am?”

“No… I don’t. And here you are in my house, chasing me around like I’m some goddamn animal you’re hunting.” Your eyes water. “I know you don’t mean a damn word you said this entire time.”

“Shut your goddamn trap woman!” His grip on your hair tightens. “I love you and we both know it; I know everything about you.”

“So, you’re a stalker? Huh, didn’t think I was pretty enough to have one.”

“I knew you had a mouth on you, and it was attractive till it was pointed in my direction.” His voice is low and gravelly at this point, like a thin string that’s pulled taut and about to snap.

“Well get used to it you fu-” You don’t get to finish your sentence, because a piece of metal from his hammer slams you hard in the face, knocking you out cold.

When you wake up, it’s hard to open your eyes. It’s too bright and the room is spinning when you move your head up. That must be one hell of a bump on your forehead. You go to feel it, only to find you hands chained up to a metal pipe on the wall. Your feet are too, but that chain is a lot slacker.

You’re lying down on the floor, a cheap scratchy blanket separating you from rough, worn down cement. It’s still hard and cold, but it didn’t scratch up your skin, so that’s something to be grateful for. You look around the room, only to find an old tv, that’s on, and playing static. That’s what was so bright, you realize.

Suddenly the noise from the t.v. stops, and you hear a voice. It’s still sounds like static, but it’s audible enough to understand the words and recognize the voice. It’s the same guy who kidnapped you. You don’t really process what he’s saying, it’s just noise to you, and you close your eyes and curl up as best as you can. Maybe you’ll wake up, and everything will be okay.

“Quit ignoring me girlie.”

You snap out of your daydreaming. The days of that warm bed and leaky bathroom faucet are over, and this cruel situation is your reality for the time being.

“Okay. Okay. But just quiet down my head hurts.”

“I’d be sorry, but you brought that upon yourself,” he says.

You can’t help but be snarky, you’re tired and already sick of this shit. “I’m sorry you don’t have the self-control to not kidnap people and knock them unconscious via flying pieces of metal.”

“Touché.” You hear back.

“Can you at least get me some Tylenol for my head or something.”

“Why should I? After all the attitude you’ve given me, I should just leave you in there to starve.” Looks like he knows how to be snarky too.

“Because you were the one who hit me in the head and locked me in here?”

“Apologize and I’ll consider it.”

You go back to your curled up position. “I guess I’ll just starve down here then.”

The t.v. cuts off again, or you just tune him out, just run your hands along the chains to try and find a lock. You find the one attached to your left ankle and begin to plot your escape. Maybe you could pick the lock with a bobby pin? You run your hands through your hair, not only to find that it was down, but all of them were removed.

You run your hands down your pajama pants. Maybe you have something in your pockets? They also turn up empty.

“Are you looking for something to pick the lock with?” You hear from the t.v. You turn back to look at it, only to see his face. He’s not wearing his glasses, and he’s taken off his worn-out bucket hat, so you can see his untamed salt and pepper hair. “I took the liberty of searching your person while you were knocked out. I highly doubt you’ll find something to pick the lock with.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that.” You find yourself saying. To be fair, you probably shouldn’t, considering that he: is holding you hostage, threatening to leave you to starve, and is clearly a psychopath, despite his claims that he loves you.

“Calm down, you know it makes me upset to see you mad.”

You can’t help but raise your voice at him. “Quit fucking taunting me! You won this stupid ass game. You kidnapped me! You can come down here and kill me now!”

“You think I wanna kill you?” He asks, you can tell he’s just as furious as you are. He chuckles lightly. “You know I love you. I did this for your own good! There are people out there. People who want to taint you and your innocence! People who want to hurt you!”

“I can handle myself just fine! I had before your psycho ass came along and kidnapped me!” Your furious, desperately searching for a weak point on the pipe with your hands while you yell at the t.v.

“And what would have happened if I didn’t?” He asks you, “lady supersized bitch in the castle would have gotten to you first… I can’t have that.”

“I’m sorry who?” You ask. Suddenly things have gotten more confusing.

“I’m not the only one who’s after you,” he clarifies. “You think I’m the one who’s a psychopath, there’s a woman out there who wants to drink your blood and eat your flesh! And monster that wants to drown you and swallow you whole-”

“Slow down! I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about!”

“Don’t interrupt me! I want what’s best for you!” You can hear him take a deep breath. “I’m going to bring you upstairs and explain everything. And you’re going to behave, am I clear?”

You just nod your head.

“Good. Now stop trying to find a weak point on that pipe to get loose before I get down there. It has carbon monoxide in there, you’ll poison yourself before you get to that door.”

You immediately stop twisting the connector and drop your hands to your sides.

“Good girl…” His praise makes you want to vomit. “Now stay still while I come get you.”

When he comes down and opens that iron door and unceremoniously tosses you over his shoulder, you can’t help but comment on it. “Am I a bag of potatoes to you?”

“Don’t complain, I could be like that Dimitrescu bitch and turn you into wine.”

You shut up immediately and grasp the back of his coat for balance. You don’t know why, but his empty threats scare you immensely. You watch the hallways blur into one another, trying to see if you can find a window, or an escape rout of some sort, hell, even a vent he couldn’t fit in but you could would work well.

He smacks your thigh. Not hard, but enough for a slight sting and to get your attention. “We’re in the center of the factory, there’s no need for you to be tracking an escape route, especially because you won’t be leaving any time soon.”

Eventually, you end up in a small office like space, with a desk, a cork board with several pictures of people on it, and a large grate that leads to a tunnel downwards. He pulls the metal chair out of the corner with his powers and places you in the chair. “Stay.”

“So…” He turns towards the cork board. “Since your out of town, I’ll explain the run-down-“

“I don’t really care for the details.” You stand up from the chair and go to walk towards him, but he crosses the room in a second and slams you back down.

“I told you to stay in that goddamn chair!” He opens his mouth to explain but a whirring noise starts out of nowhere. It’s loud, obnoxious, and coming from the vent. He opens it. “Shut your goddamn trap!”

“Anyhow, (Y/N),” he starts, “the other three lords decided that they’re interested in you, for whatever their reasons are. I’m assuming they want to kill you.”

“That’s a veeeeeery extreme assumption.” You roll your eyes, and prop your head on your hands.

“Well two of them are well know for turning people into dolls and drinking their blood,” he says casually, “it’s only a fair assumption they want to do the same with you.”

“I’m sorry they what?”

He turns to you, surprised for a moment that you don’t know what he’s talking about. “Super-sized bitch over here,” a sharp piece of metal lands on the photo of a pale, middle aged woman with bold red lipstick and a black hat, “is one of the other three lords, known for drinking the blood of girls like yourself. Wouldn’t suggest meeting her, she’s not that pleasant.”

“Known for?”

“Sort of, most of the towns people don’t know,” he turns to you and leans on the table by the cork board, “they’re too busy worshipping Mother Miranda.”

“I’ve heard her name before,” you say, “doesn’t she protect the town?”

You can sense the anger you caused before you can take it back.

“That Miranda bitch doesn’t protect anybody from shit. She’s the one causing all the issues, kidnapping people and mutating them, killing them and throwing their lives away like table scraps.” You slams his hand on the table and you visibly flinch. He quickly apologizes.

“You keep mentioning ‘the other three lords’ how many are there, and who’s the one your excluding in that statement?” You question as soon as you get the chance. He’s talking, loudly, quickly and it’s filling up the space in the room with an anxious sort of white noise.

“Pardon me,” he says, and waltzes over, almost over-dramatically. He brings your hand to his lips and places a light kiss. You can feel his stubble and chapped lips on the top of your hand. He desperately needs to use chap-stick. “I’m Heisenberg, one of the four lords, but you can call me Karl.”

“Okay… Karl.” You test the name out on your tongue. “What are you going to do with me, now that I’m here?”

He gets down on one knee in front of you, still holding your hand. “Oh (Y/N), I’m going to treat you how you deserve, like a princess.”

#resident evil #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #yandere karl heisenberg #yandere heisenberg #heisenberg x reader #yandere karl heisenberg x reader #tw: kidnapping

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christ0pher-evans · 3 years

Text

Bewildered Heart

Part Three of the Shattered Heart Mini-Series

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader Warnings: SMUT 18+ / Angst / Cheating / Arguing / Mentions of Divorce Word Count: 3.4k A/N: omg I finally made it to part three! I know a lot of you have been waiting a while for this so I really really appreciate your patience and support, it means the world to me!! Let me know all your thoughts and feelings! X Please reblog and like🖤

Part One: Shattered Heart Part Two: Troubled Heart

♡

As soon as you put the phone down, you were frustrated that you didn’t tell Chris that you loved him; of course you did. Nothing he could do would make you not love him, you committed your life to him and he was your husband, obviously you’d always love him. And then you realised, there is no shame in that. Even though he cheated on you, even though he broke your heart, there would always be love between you, forever and that was okay.

The clarity in your rationalised epiphany put your mind at ease. You knew that you were heading into this conversation with Chris with a clear mind, you knew you wanted to try and solve your issues without fighting, without causing a scene.

Taking a deep breath, you began to brew a pot of coffee as you heard keys unlocking your front door.

You turned around, and there he was. Standing at the other side of the breakfast bar, looking as handsome as ever, wedding band reflecting the sun coming through the patio doors. You subconsciously play with your own wedding ring, feeling an odd sense of relief knowing neither of you had taken them off.

“Hi..” you breathe out, surprisingly happy to see him.

Chris shuffled closer to you, blatantly nervous but wanting to be near you. You were apprehensive but didn’t stop him as he leaned in and kissed your cheek tenderly, hand delicately touching your waist.

Breath hitching in your throat at the titillating contact, you move away abruptly, unnerved by the arousing thoughts that enthralled your mind. Busying yourself with pouring two mugs of coffee, Chris sits at the breakfast bar waiting for you.

You sit opposite him, passing him a coffee as he mutters a thanks. His voice is gruff, as if he hasn’t spoken to anyone in two weeks and that’s when you notice he looks a little gaunt. Dark circles under his eyes and slightly scruffy hair adding to the look that insinuates he hasn’t been sleeping well. Your heart falters marginally, just purely because you hate seeing him like this, no matter the situation. That is what you tell yourself anyway, silently commanding yourself to not feel guilty for these circumstances, Chris has bought this all on himself.

Even as you tell yourself that, you hate how it sounds. That’s not you. You’re sympathetic and caring, and you love Chris, you shouldn’t want to see him punishing himself but that seems to be what he has done to you without even knowing; he has turned you into a nasty character.

Having an internal fight with yourself, you want to make small talk but you just can’t, you don’t have it in you to be civil and act nonchalant when there is a dark cloud looming over your marriage. Life is too short to dance around a conversation this important.

“So, um, I’m not going to dance around this because I’ve had two weeks to really digest what’s happened and think about what it means for us, for our marriage..”

Chris takes a sip from his coffee and looks at you, eyes boring into yours like you’re literally holding his heart in your hands, ready to mend it or crush it.

“I’m angry Chris. I’m really angry because even on my darkest days, when I was feeling like our marriage was falling apart, when I was feeling so alone; I never ever thought about kissing someone else. You have always been my only choice, yet you chose someone else?” It sounds like you’re asking him but in reality, you know he already chose someone else over you.

Your voice was shaky, tears already threatening to spill down onto your cheeks but you revel in how freeing it feels to tell Chris exactly what you are feeling. Your emotions finally organised enough to speak your truth.

Chris stays quiet, clearly knowing you well enough to know that you need to carry on telling him how you feel.

“..And I’m fucking sad Chris! All I keep thinking about is how, for the past year, I’ve been sacrificing my time to follow you around the world, sacrificing my happiness to spend minuscule amounts of time fighting for our marriage and you just came to expect it from me. You kept work as your number one priority and let me fall into second place, even when it jeopardised my happiness.”

“That was never my intention Y/N! I never wanted or want you to feel like that. Your happiness is so important to me, I promise it will never happen again!”

“Chris, you threw our marriage away. Like it was disposable and we could just be two friends living together, like we didn’t promise to spend our lives together. You can’t pretend like it’s going to be okay moving forward, because what if I don’t want to move forward?”

Your breath caught in your throat as your words hovered in the air. You knew that was serious statement to blurt out but you knew that you unintentionally meant it otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. This conversation was going to be full of hard truths and you knew this wasn’t a time to hold back, your marriage was at stake.

“Baby, you don’t mean that? Of course you want to move on, we both do. Put this behind us!” You could hear the panic in Chris’ voice.

“How can you say that? How can you say you want to move forward and you want me to move forward when you’re the reason its crumbling in the first place? You put us in this mess! You still have to see this woman every day, how do we move past that?”

You felt sick to your stomach. Never in a million years did you think you would be having this conversation with Chris, especially not once you said your vows. You had made promises and a bond that could never be broken yet here you were, trying to hold the pieces together.

“Chris, you told me you’d love and cherish me forever, you told me that on our wedding day. I told you that you were it for me, and you said it back to me, you-“, your voice broke as the tears started to fall, no longer being able to stay strong.

After your tears had subsided, you sniffed and dried your eyes, determined to raise your points.

“And you.. you said it back to me Chris. You told me I was your number one always, that I was your endgame, forever, infinitely yours. Yet, here I am, wondering why I’m second best to another woman.”

You exhale with force as you begin to feel slightly lighter after getting that off your chest. It definitely doesn’t feel good to admit that you’re not sure if your marriage has a future but you know you have to be truthful. Having so much more to say, you bite your lip to control your word vomit, knowing this is a conversation and not a speech; Chris needs to be allowed to say his piece too. Awaiting his response, you shudder as he reaches out and takes your hands in his.

“Y/N, sweetheart, you are my number one. That hasn’t changed, it never will. I love you. I married you because I want you, you have all of me, always.” He squeezes your hand tighter, putting emphasis on his words but also emphasis on his grip, subconsciously telling you not to let go.

“I know I sound like a broken fucking record sweetheart, but I am so sorry I kissed someone else, it was dumb, so fucking dumb and I can’t explain why I did it. I was just so lonely, so detached from you that I craved comfort.”

“I was fucking lonely too Chris! How do you think I felt when you were at work all the time surrounded by hundreds of people whilst I was sat at home alone trying to think of ways to save our marriage!” You snapped, yelling loud.

Chris sighed, releasing your hands and raising his own in defence.

“Sorry, I.. I didn’t mean it like that. I understand that you were lonely and I was too, we have to respect that we both felt the same but dealt with it very differently. But baby, I could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people at work but it would make no difference to me because they weren’t you.”

Knowing Chris was coming from a sweet place, you took a deep breath, needing a minute to collect your emotions before speaking.

“I’m sorry I snapped but it feels like we are going in circles Chris, it’s de ja vu from last year. When I told you how I was feeling, you just dismissed it to make the problems disappear but that’s not how this works. Solving our problems means we have to talk about them..” You could feel yourself getting emotional, working yourself back up into an exasperated state. “..but when you tell me that you feel really lonely because I’m not with you, why is your first though not to come home to me? Why did you continue to go out and kiss another woman? It clearly wasn’t that fucking lonely for you!”

You rolled your eyes dramatically. Feeling this overwhelming satisfaction with your vicious snipes, you knew this would quickly become a fight. The communication barrier was shattered and you had become spiteful, and it was only a matter of time before Chris followed suit.

Chris stood up, cursing angrily as the legs from the stool scraped against the wood flooring. Throwing his hands up in disgust, he scoffed.

“Argh seriously Y/N? What did you just say about not dismissing one another’s feeling?! And here you are, telling me I can’t be lonely because I kissed someone else! Me feeling lonely is the exact fucking reason I did it in the first place!!”

Chris was shouting now, his voice bellowing throughout your marital home. You stayed sitting as the anger poured from his body, feeling equally as bitter.

“So am I meant to assume that every time you feel lonely now, that you’re going to go and kiss another woman? Soon, when you’re feeling really lonely you’ll be fucking someone else! We are married Chris! Shit, I’m meant to be your wife, I’m meant to be the one you kiss and fuck! How would you like it if I went and kissed someone at work because I was sad?” You sneered, desperate to get under his skin now.

“Don’t be so ridiculous, I told you it was a mistake, a one-off! It’ll never happen again! We can sort this out!”

As both your words became more heinous, you couldn’t control yourself. The fact that Chris was now trying to sort out the problems that you’ve been trying to fix for a year just because he got caught out, was diabolical. He had fucked up and was paying the price and he couldn’t handle that. He was coming across like the victim and it was making you queasy.

“Are you fucking serious Chris!! I have been trying to sort out these problems for the past year and you’ve been having none of it, telling me that we are fine and the tough time would pass. Yet here we are..”

You hated what you were about to say but with the anger coursing through your veins, you couldn’t stop yourself.

“..Here we are, teetering on the edge of a fucking divorce because you couldn’t stay loyal to your own wife, because you couldn’t be a decent husband, a decent fucking human being and care about someone else but yourself!!”

The words hung in the air like someone had screamed bloody murder.

Without even realising, you had stood up and was now opposite Chris, chest heaving after spitting such venom in his face. Chris was staring at you like you had unleashed a monster, a raging devil that you had been hiding for a while.

You looked at him, eyes heavy and chest thumping. You bit your lip; terrified of your confession but power hungry from the buzz that being brutally honestly had given you.

Chris only raked his eyes over your body once before he was stalking towards you, pushing and pinning you against the counter, left hand instinctively wrapping around your throat, eyes dark with lust and desire.

Growling in a low, fierce tone, he muttered, “I’ve fucking cared for you every damn day of our marriage, I’ll never stop fucking caring for you because you are my wife. Mine. And I’ll never touch another woman again, because this..” He pauses to grind his cloth covered cock against you. “..this is too fucking good to give up.”

With those words snarled into existence, his lips were on yours. Ravishing you like water in a drought, starved of what he wants, what he owns. And in a really twisted way, you loved it. You were craving his dominance, his power to control you with his touch. No matter what happened, you would always surrender to him because you needed him, you wanted him.

You couldn’t help but whimper as Chris’s hand moved from your throat and travelled down to your hip, leaving a burning path over your breasts and down your stomach in his wake.

“Look at my pretty wife, all desperate for me.” Chris smirked as he trailed kisses all over your neck, pining you harder against the counter to control your squirming. You were ravenous for Chris and you were absolutely fed up of trying to hide it.

He pulled your dress over you in one swift movement, leaving you in just your panties. You looked back up at Chris with lust filled eyes whilst his own eye fucked your now almost naked body.

You couldn’t wait any longer whilst he enjoyed the view, you were too desperate for him.

“Chris, please..” you begged.

Your lips crashed back together furiously, teeth and tongues clashing instantly. Chris continued to assert dominance, lifting you up onto the counter easily and thrusting two fingers inside of you; eager to watch you submit your body to him. You gripped onto his shoulders as he held you up with one arm on the surface, still kissing him like your life depended on it.

But suddenly, it felt like it wasn’t enough, you needed to be closer to Chris, you needed to feel closer to Chris. Starting to fumble with his jeans, you knew what you wanted. It only took Chris a few seconds to realise your desires and he was clearly more than happy to comply, allowing you to undo his jeans and push them down far enough to pull him free from his boxers. Your mouth watered at the sight of him, your core tightening around his fingers at the feeling you knew was coming.

He pulled his fingers out of your core, bringing them to his lips and licking them clean. Your stomach flipped at the view in front of you but your core ached to feel him inside of you again.

“Two weeks without tasting you is far too long baby girl..”

You groan before he smacks his lips against back against your own, even more turned on at the thought of tasting yourself on his lips.

Chris pulled back sharply, grabbing a fistful of hair at the back of your head and forcing you to look down between you both whilst the other hand guided himself to your entrance. Chris was already fully hard, ready and waiting for this moment, this feeling.

“I want you to watch baby. I want you to see me taking what’s mine. I want you to remember that there is no one else that can make you feel this good, remember that no one else can satisfy me like you do. This is mine, you’re mine and I’m taking it back.”

You felt weak under the spell Chris was casting on you. Hanging off of his every word, you felt like the twenty-something girl that met Chris all those years ago, giddy at your obsession with one another. Giddy with the feeling of being happy and in love.

Chris pushed into you. Your eyes rolled back at the feeling of him stretching you open, pushing himself further and further into you until you had swallowed him whole. Your mind reeling at the feeling you’d missed so badly.

Immediately picking up the pace, Chris was thrusting into you harshly, hitting the spot that only he could find. Your kisses were sloppy, rushed and desperate as he kept up his relentless pace.

You knew this wouldn’t last long; the culmination of passion, urgency and anger fuelling the fire you were feeling that you had been craving for two weeks now. The desperation of needing to feel your husbands touch was intense, but neither of you wanted it to last long. It was clear this wasn’t about love or reconciliation, this was about need and ownership; proving that you only belonged to one another, no matter what happened. This was a reminder of that feeling, to anchor yourselves together again.

As Chris maintained his toe-curling pace, your fingers fumbled down to your clit, clumsily dancing over the sensitive bud and adding to your already overwhelming pleasure.

Chris looked at you before spitting a splurge of saliva down onto your clit, moistening the area against the touch of your fingers. As it dripped through your fingers and over your clit and core, you were fiercely encompassed with your desire for this man. This sex was filthy, messy and downright the sexiest fuck you’d ever had together.

As you looked back up at Chris, panting heavily from your arousal, you kissed him lewdly. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, you pulled it in between your teeth; drawing out his own chokes of pleasure.

Chris was close, you knew he was but so were you. The feeling of powerlessness washed over you as your orgasm began to build. Chris was in complete control of your body, clawing to pull every inch of pleasure to the surface before he let you cum. His thrusts became erratic, pushing you further than ever before as your body started to tremble.

“Chris, please..”, you begged again.

“I told you this was too good to give up baby girl! Take it, take all of me!”

With your legs trembling, you gripped Chris’s biceps tightly, nail marks cutting into his perfect skin as your orgasm shot through you. Chris grunted a ‘good girl’ as you came and his thrusts faltered, his own orgasm jolting through his body.

You stayed there, heads resting together and chests heaving, the only sounds filling the room was your dizzying panting.

Slowly, as your head returns from the clouds, you realise what you’ve done. The repercussions of having sex with Chris amongst this mess was only going to complicate things further. How do you tell Chris that you might want a divorce after doing that with him? How do you make an educated decision with that playing on your mind? This man consumes you, his love consumes you and you never want to lose it but are you just love-drunk, not seeing the bigger picture?

Chris brings you back to reality, helping you down off the violated countertop. You quickly redress, never giving Chris eye contact and staying silent. Your head spinning from the last hour; from arguing and screaming to fucking on the kitchen counter.

“Sweetheart, are you alright?” Chris says sheepishly.

You look at him and shake your head, muttering a ‘no’.

“Look Y/N, I know we said a lot of things we didn’t mean-”

“Chris, stop..” you cut him off, “I meant everything I said. This isn’t something we can dodge, we have to be truthful, our marriage is on the line and I really don’t think you understand that?”

“But.. I- We just..” Completely at a loss for words, Chris stays quiet.

“I think you should leave Chris.” You whisper as yet another tear falls from your eyes.

Chris just nods his head, noticeably shocked by your words. He quickly kisses your cheek before hurrying out the door. As soon as the door shuts, you collapse onto the wood floor. Feeling Chris over every part of you, you feel even more confused than earlier. Your mind and body clearly want Chris, so why isn’t it that easy for your heart to make that decision?

♡ Final Part: Healed Heart

Forever Tags: @itsscottiesstark @patzammit @partypoison00 @cynic-spirit @n3ssm0nique @sohoseb @madbaddic7ed @moonlacebeam@ilovetheeagles @beautifulrose0809 @lovelyladymayyy@tenaciousperfectionunknown @mysticapples17 @whxre4cevans @firoozehmoon [Please drop me a message if you’d like to become part of the taglist for this series or any of my work]

#shattered heart mini series #troubled heart #bewildered heart #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans mini series #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #rpf #smut

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autisticzukka · 3 years

Note

what is this hakoda zuko arranged marriage you speak of? i am intrigued

okay so the long story short is that it’s a slight rebuttal of a popular post that is very fun but i find like... unrealistic in a really intriguing way like, how would this ACTUALLY play out. I’ve talked about it at length in my server a few times, and it’s one of those AU’s -- like the genderbend zukka ATLA rewrite or the zukki fic that starts with sokka failing to assassinate zuko -- that lives rent free in my head and I’ve written a couple thousand words for.

tw for like VERY unrequited zuko in love with hakoda and the inherent comedy of sokka being in love with his fire nation stepmom.

so here’s hakoda, chief of the southern water tribe, happily not-married to Bato. and here is a more balanced war, where the north and the south are actually allies, rather than whatever the fuck they were in ATLA. Yue already has a fiance and the Northern chief refuses to remarry. that leaves hakoda responsible for biting the bullet and doing a political marriage even though, as he points out at length, he is an elected official and if he stops being elected it’s no longer a marriage with the chief of the south pole. intelligently but mostly selfishly motivated (yue’s fiance is his nephew, after all) pakku points out that its not like the fire nation knows... that. the fire nation is dumb. ozai’s stupid.

faced with such inarguable points hakoda stiffens his upper lip, pre-emptively ends things with bato on the understanding that if this is another kya situation they’ll get back together and that he’s still the most important person to him but the tribe comes first yada yada, and deals with katara throwing the mother of all tantrums. it is slightly softened by the fact that in return for him marrying the fire nation noble, a thing everyone can agree isn’t traditional, the north has finally agreed to train katara. she heads out before the wedding, in protest but also so as to not cause an international incident.

(on her way, she’ll find aang. with the war less dire, katara will be sympathetic towards his desire to live without committing violence, even if she deeply can’t relate. they’ll have a hot girl romcom summer of self discovery and coming to terms with the dichotomy between duty and love as they become master benders. at some point they pick up toph. they ARE a throuple.)

sokka meanwhile is like.. not cool with it.. but ? kind of relieved? like. he’s the eldest kid. he’s 18, and he’s been a man of the tribe as far as legalities for several years. it would have been entirely understandable if his dad had asked HIM to do it. he had his emotionally crushing romance with yue, and as much as he was like ‘im kind of a prince’, he finds he doesn’t actually want some of the responsibilities and demands that would bring. yue’s life sucks.

back in the fire nation, zuko never demanded a quest and never went on it. he’s spent years hardening into something that, while brittle, can survive the pressures of the court around him. he still has his scar. he still wants his father to love him, but he knows by now that it’s not something he’s capable of earning. he watches his sister, never the most stable person, start to have complete breakdowns of sanity once she hits puberty, and helps her cover for it and receive medical treatment on the down low. he’s the heir, but he lives knowing that if he was ever in a position to inherit his choices are to abdicate or have the baby sister who he raised kill him and destroy herself and the country in the process.

when he realizes the plan is to marry azula off rather than someone more reasonable-- mai is RIGHT there, for fucks sake-- he doesn’t realize ozai’s true intent is to fuck this up through malicious compliance and false shows of good faith. he panics, and does the zuko thing: he blurts out that this is unacceptable and immoral and she’s only 16 and Ozai sees the true opportunity for two birds with one stone. send zuko, let him piss someone off so badly he gets killed or divorced, and he gets rid of zuko from the line of succession permanently. there are those who are incredibly attached to teh idea of a firstborn for firelord, and it’s been a constant thorn in unpopular ozai’s side to nto be able to name azula his heir apparent without costly rebellion. but if he can taint him in the mind of the fire nation so much that birthright is easy to supercede-- yeah. this’ll work PERFECTLY.

so zuko is sent to marry hakoda, chief of the water tribe.

literally NO ONE was expecting it to be a member of Ozai’s immediate family. besides the fact that his oldest child is half hakoda’s age and his brother has 20 years on hakoda, it would have been sus as fuck - the treaty is not favorable enough to grant that kind of secession of interests. it becomes quickly apparent that this young man -- hakoda reminds himself of that repeatedly. not kid. not kid. young man. don’t think of him like a kid, it’s hard enough on both of us already. -- is not a horrible threat. he’s scared shitless and shakes with what he thinks is bravado. he’s desperate to make the marriage work. he’s desperate to not go home. he’s got a giant fucking scar on his face from where the fire lord punished him for some grievous but unstated offense.

zuko “daddy issues” fire nation sees his husband to be and, despite being scared shitless, immediately begins to soften a little. like... he’s not nearly as scary as he thought he’d be. his face can be stern, but it just as easily breaks into huge smiles, and his eyes are crinkled with laughter. he’s incredibly handsome. and his biceps are. his biceps. are. his hands are...

like. zuko thinks. okay. maybe. maybe his marriage duties. won’t be so horrible as he thought. maybe he’s ready for this. and he knows what to expect, Uncle had discreetly provided him the means and the contacts to acquire an intimate education in the whirlwind of activity that was the two months before leaving. and like, once he’d gotten past the nerves, it was often even... good? or at least... not bad? he thinks that even if hakoda isn’t a professional expert, he has a certain.... je ne sais quoi, if you will.

((DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF))

sokka sees his new stepfather and immediately falls in love because he’s that kind of dumb bitch. (the core of this au is that i cant breathe thinking about sokka falling in love with his hot young stepmom his age who his dad doesnt even want to fuck. like. i CANT. sokka masturbates to ‘hand caught in the washing tub’ fantasies which are even more absurd for requiring zuko to be DOING LAUNDRY. i find it so funny.)

bato watches them at the wedding feast while hakoda is very clearly trying to treat zuko as an Equal Adult Partner and mostly managing to seem like someone having a serious conversation with a seven year old about the game they’ve made up. zuko is clearly enamored with it, soaking up the attention, blushing and doing his best to Bravely Flirt, which at one point includes awkwardly attempting to feed Hakoda by hand. bato has to excuse himself to have a teary eyed giggle, hoping that Kya is in the spirit world looking down and laughing with him. he can’t resent the kid even a little bit, when hakoda is sitting there looking so incredibly fucking befuddled as to what he’s supposed to do with this star struck infant he’s legally wed to

anyways all of this... is very funny. their wedding night... is less so. zuko does not take the rejection from hakoda very well, especially because he’d been caught wanting. HE’S the one who should be rejecting hakoda. and he catastrophizes almost immediately about his potential value to the water tribe, his future treatment, that endless inescapable freezing cold loneliness is the good ending for him here... hakoda, meanwhile, drops zuko off at his home, reassuringly informs him that there’s NOTHING else expected of him and he will be well taken care of, and books it to bato’s. bato refuses to let him in on grounds of ‘you can’t sleep under the same shelter as me on your wedding night to that kid, have a fucking brain’, and he ends up crashing at sokka’s.

sokka, who had KNOWN that his dad wouldnt, but also upon seeing zuko and zuko’s awkward flirting was like... but how COULDNT he???? sokka is relieved.

the core of this fic is that i find it endlessly hilarious for zuko to try and seduce his husband while sokka simps around zuko and bato tries to be heartbroken or betrayed but mostly ends up with a giant case of hysterical schadenfreude. but the thing that CLINCHED it for me, like THE scene. several years after being married, settled into their life. they’re partners and they see each other as people. and zuko just fucking snaps one night

he just kisses him, desperate and clawing and climbing and maybe a little drunk. he knows hakoda is going to push him away, maybe even hit him, but he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care. he can do anything he wants to him as long as he just-- finally does something. zuko is 21 and married to the surface of the sun and the surface of the sun jr is his best friend and clearly in love with him-- so clearly not even zuko can miss it-- and like. listen. listen. zuko is not a patient person. but he’s been patient for this. he waited and he matured and he is a fucking amazing husband and he wants this, he wants him. he wants to be wanted.

but hakoda doesn’t push him away. hakoda doesnt yell at him, or hit him. hakoda gentles the kiss into something soft and closed lipped. he pulls away slowly, and his eyes are so sad for zuko, so pitying. he strokes his cheek with the back of his hand so gently. he says, I’m sorry. I don’t want you.

and zuko daddy issues fire nation swallows

and he nods

and he leaves, even though its his own fucking house

and he knows he’s never going to be good enough

like FUUUCK i am OBSESSED WITH THAT

#long post #lmao i am NOT fucking main tagging this #op #asked and answered #i just want zuko to fall in love with hakoda and for hakoda to gently reject him #noncommittalhum

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stxleslyds · 3 years

Text

MY TOUGHTS ON PART TWO OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

A DC BOOK THAT TASTES LIKE MARVEL.

You know when you are reading a book and you feel like the story you are reading seems familiar but not really within the context you are reading it at the moment? If you can’t shake the wrong sense of familiarity you search for what it probably the biggest give away, the author.

Here it’s something like that; I have read other pieces of Chip Zdarsky’s work, namely Daredevil. While I could tell you the familiarity is there, in the subject of guilt after taking the life of another person, the reality is that this book doesn’t taste like Daredevil, it tastes like Marvel.

That can be either an excellent thing (because Marvel has amazing books) or something terrible (because DC isn’t Marvel and they don’t work the same way).

As of now I can’t really tell if this Red Hood story is going to be one or the other, but I can tell you that it feels out of place in the DC universe, or at least that’s how I see it. I will explore this particular thought later, I just thought this was a nice way to open this post.

If you would like to read the first post I made about this book I will leave the link here!

Now…let’s begin.

Part two picks up exactly where part one left off, we see Jason calling Oracle so she can bring the police to the place where Jason killed Andy a.ka. that gigantic piece of shit.

Jason is having some thoughts, ones that I think are important.

“I have taken lives before, a lot of them. I have killed guys knowing nothing about them except that they had guns and murder in their hearts. Those ones are easy; I don’t have to think of their mothers getting the news or of kids being...”

Jason is troubled. He is now in front of a reality that he never truly thought about but to be honest with you I strongly believe that nobody in the DC universe thinks beyond what happens in front of them, that’s just how fictional comic worlds are designed.

Anyway, there is a little something that bothers me in this inner monologue of his, like since when have “murderers” been Jason’s actual target? Like Joker was his target but he didn’t kill him, the base of Jason’s morals when it comes to killing has always been drugs, most importantly if you sell drugs to kids. So unless he is saying “murderers” because they were selling drugs that caused people (especially kids) to overdose then I don’t really get what is going on.

Another thing that I also talked about in the first post is that Jason hasn’t killed in a very long time, this man has been sticking to the Bats rule for so long that it’s actually unreal. Even when he shot the penguin and Batman proceeded to almost beat Jason to death the penguin hadn’t died. So once again I am thinking that Zdarsky has some info that he is not sharing right now or maybe he just didn’t read Lobdell's run (in which case, can you really blame him?)

Now let me talk about the other part of his monologue “…I don’t have to think of their mothers getting the news or of kids being...” This is something that I haven’t seen in DC, direct consequences after a hero/vigilante does something, and let me tell you it feels out of place. Is it a good or bad thing? I don’t really know but I have some thoughts on the subject.

I think it's unfair to put a comic character in that situation or dilemma. Jason has basically three reactions to the same situation and they are all valid, but can this situation be handled by a fictional person in a fictional world? Because to be fair I could also ask about the criminals that are put in hospitals after they are beat up by heroes, what if they die in the hospital? Is the hero a killer or does it fall on the hospital? If a criminal cannot pay for the attention given to them in hospitals and they immediately go back to criminal activity to pay for those things, are heroes a good thing? If the Joker bombs a hospital for the third time in four months and Batman does the same thing (take joker to Arkham) only for Joker to escape and do it again, is Batman as guilty as the Joker for the deaths of innocent people or not?

As I wrote it and as I read it again I see that it is a crazy thought because you can simply add more depth to the characters decisions and the consequences that would ensue because of them, but Gotham is a fictional city created to establish that crime is off the charts and that they need Batman because no amount of resources will be able to fix this city’s problems. So putting Jason in this position is new to me…but only in DC (more of this particular thought below).

Going back to the comic in question, I feel like Jason had the answers and the ideas all in his head. In this issue alone he basically says that if the mother does not pull through the boy will be alone, but alone means going into the system (a horrible system that Jason does not trust and needs improvement), but also, Jason recognizes that if the mother died and the father was left alive then that man would have done horrendous stuff. I just simply wouldn't believe that a man that gave drugs to both his wife and son so they wouldn't bother him is just going to change after realizing that his wife died because of him. Even less believable is him becoming an amazing father.

In the big scheme of things, Jason has killed people who fitted very certain characteristics, never innocents (bye, Morrison). What happens after the killing is done? We don’t know because past stories have never focused on that (criminals in comics are by default one dimensional, villains are not)

But here is the thing, Zdarsky is a Marvel writer and Marvel has gone in depth within those situations (like what happens after heroes commit mistakes or kill someone) mostly with Civil War by Mark Millar and more recently in Daredevil written by Chip Zdarsky, but DC hasn't and DC has been plain for a long time, DC doesn't really explain how batman hurts people severely and nothing happens beyond that.

What I am trying to say is that Zdarsky is going for a different and unique route for Jason here but I think the story is out of place in the DC universe.

I promise I am done with those thoughts, they were really difficult to put on paper and to make them make sense, so I apologize if I only confused you, sorry!

Anyway! After the monologue is done we have a flashback where little Jason is being told by his mother to go buy bread (the only thing they can afford) but she is also making him leave so he doesn’t have to be present when Robby (a friend if you ask Jason’s mom, a drug dealer if you ask Jason) comes to the apartment to help her.

Sadly as Jason is leaving Robby is walking up the stairs, now not to copy little Jason but fuck Robby. Jason’s issues with drugs, drug dealing and overdosing is once again shown here but what is also shown is the violence that comes with it. Jason being terrified for himself (and his mother) as Robby pulls a knife on him broke my heart and as he is left there in the corridor to his apartment all we can see is a defeated little boy and that shit hurts a lot.

After that we jump back to the future with none other than Batgod…I mean Batman. Batman is following a man called Sydney and apparently he disappointed Batman because B told him to stop being a criminal, like come on man if I ask nicely or if I break both of your arms you will surely stop, right? Yeah, no.

I feel like I mentioned something about this while my brain decided that DC never usually explains what happens with criminals after they get caught or killed and now here we are. Consequences. Batman scares a man off of working for Scarecrow but the man still needs to work (does he have a family to provide for? We don’t know. Does he do it because it’s the only job he can get? We don’t know.)

This Batman intermission ends up with Oracle telling him that Jason might be in trouble.

So we find ourselves back with Jason and Tyler in his safe house, Zdarsky does not hesitate and first thing he does is give us a couple of very angsty panels.

I love the way it hurts.

Jason honey, my sweet chonky boy…what are you doing?

Well at least I am not the only one asking that because Jason is having a moment to reflect about what has happened, what is happening and what could happen in the future. In this monologue he says the following:

“Dammit, Jason, what the hell are you doing? You can’t take care of this kid! But you can’t put him in the system either! Just waiting for some obsessed militaristic billionaire to adopt him? Dammit. His dad was scum, he hurt Tyler, he hurt his mom. But if Tyler’s mom doesn’t pull through…I just made this kid an orphan. He is my responsibility, he is too young to really see what he’s gone through, he can still be saved…unlike…”

Yeah that’s some really angsty thoughts, he is really going through it and I understand it. He lost his cool after what that horrible human being said he did and killed him and now he has to face the consequences of his actions, he recognizes that if the boy is left truly alone he will have to step up…but here is the thing, does Jason really want that? It seems to me like Jason is deeply against the idea of children working as heroes, and here he is as an adult that is a vigilante with an impressionable child that sees the Red Hood as his hero, I don’t know, it looks like the perfect recipe for a disaster.

But we don’t get to see what Jason does right away because its flashback time.

Jason only moved from his spot in the corridor of his apartment door to get the bread but as Robby comes out of said door Jason is there waiting. Robby teases that he and Jason’s mom ended up sharing the “medicine” and that she will be sleeping for a long time, and that seems to be it for Jason because next thing you know Robby is falling down the stairs.

Aw, shit.

Jason from the future continues his monologue while he remembers what happened on those stairs.

“I never had a chance, not for one second. But he does, Tyler has a chance. I can help him, help him be okay. This doesn’t…what I did…what his parents did, it doesn’t have to define him.”

So Jason wants to make things right for Tyler so he doesn’t become like Jason. Now I don’t truly know what Zdarsky is going for but I will go for the unconscious route, little Jason pushed Robby (that fucker) down the stairs and he was left unconscious there.

In Jason’s eyes Tyler is still a good kid that deserves only the best (like you Jason, please don’t think so low about yourself) and that can be saved from a life of vengeance, justice and trauma. But whatever Jason was going to actually say to Tyler we don’t know because Tyler informs Jason that through the Red Hood mask there is someone telling him that Batman is coming.

Batman appears out of nowhere as he does and starts talking shit.

Honestly Batman what is with that “not my town” bullshit? Baby this isn’t the medieval times, you are not a king and as far as I know not only is Lucius Fox richer than you but so is Dick so sit your ass down and shut the fuck up.

Luckily Jason is giving the outstanding amount of zero fucks and tells Batman exactly what he needs to be told, sadly Jason’s big brain time doesn’t last long because he absolutely loses his cool and starts a fight. So you know what that means, monologue time!

“This was a mistake, but I can’t help myself, he gets under my skin. His sanctimony, he acts like he’s God, all knowing, all seeing when really…he’s just another failed parent.”

Amen. Jason knows many languages but he chose to speak facts.

As the monologue ends Batman is standing over Jason like he is about to murder him but no such thing happens because Tyler, who was quietly watching them fight, jumps in to protect Jason. Yep, there goes my heart, goodbye.

And this is it. The issue ends with Tyler putting an end to the fight and telling batman that he has to leave the Red Hood alone because he is a good guy. Jason of course is thankful and promises that everything is fine.

I don’t know about you guys but so far I can’t say if I like the book or not. Both parts left me with mixed feelings. I obviously want to see how it ends but I honestly think that there is only one way this story can end with a happy ending, which I think it would be Tyler going back to his mom and Jason somehow working to help her with her drug addiction, maybe even have Dick involved so he can help them economically.

Things that I surely do not want to see are Jason backing down again and limiting himself to the Bats rules. I also absolutely don’t want Zdarsky to go all Geoff Johns on us and make Jason think that he should give up the Red Hood mantle.

Jason really needs to gain his confidence back, he was smart, calculated and strategic and now they have taken those things away to accentuate his “daddy issues” and “inferiority complex”. Why the quotation marks you ask? Oh, because those things are bullshit and there is no room for those things in Jason’s characterization other than to add more angst to the plot.

Let me know how you felt about the issue and my review! Are you excited about what the four next issues are going to bring to the story?

Also if you read Marvel, did this issue taste like Marvel to you too or am I going crazy?

#Jason Todd #red hood #red hood outlaw #batman: urban legends #batman urban legends #infinite frontier #DC comics #robin

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kookiepredictions · 3 years

Text

Message from his DF’s Higher Self

To the Littlest One,

I was summoned by you I think. Damn boy, are you tired? Cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day. Everyday. Where do I begin? There’s always so much to say but I’m never sorted out. You want to know how I feel about you? Well it’s not a one word or one line answer you see. In my previous connections, I’ve always had some issue or the other. There have been connections where things were THIS close to being something special, and yet, I couldn’t unsee that there was still that bit missing. And I realized, I’m really looking for someone EXACTLY like me, and I knew I set myself up for failure because truly that’s impossible to have? When I saw you for the first time, I was shocked because I couldn’t believe how someone could be so much like me. It was like looking at my male version. And yet, there were so many obvious differences. I would be all excited and tell whoever cared to listen (most didn’t) that look, this guy is just like me! I think I’ve found my perfect match like they write in books and stuff. It didn’t matter to me that you didn’t know I existed. I was incredibly happy just knowing that I wasn’t wrong in believing that somewhere there is someone who is your exact match. I was O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D with you! I couldn’t get enough. You’d think my first impression about you was wrong and as I got to know more about you, I’d change my mind. But it was the exact opposite. The more I knew, I surer I got. I found a happy place in my life, everyday religiously watching you do weird stuff that convinced me more and more that yeah, he is the one. Ironically though, I never wanted to do anything about it. I thought someday we’d just meet and you’d see what I saw— that we’re perfect for each other. I had things in my personal life to take care of and I started doing exactly that, and Divine (and other) intervention got us together. Of course initially I was a little wary and thought it was all too good to be true, but that’s just me. Getting to know you has been one of the most special, life changing events in my life. So I have no idea why you want to start over again, or change anything about it. I wouldn’t want to change anything about any of it. You have been a wish fulfilled, a literal dream come true for me, right from the start to now. When I first saw you, I had a certain idea about you, the things you might say— and when you did speak to me, it was exactly how I always imagined it to be. With every word and action, you became more and more perfect to me. It was like someone made a list of everything I wished for in a person since when I was old enough to wish for things, added a ton of other wonderful things and the result was you! You have always, ALWAYS said what I wanted to hear, treated me the way I wanted to be treated. You were like this magician who always magically knew what I wanted. How did you know? How did you know what no one had ever known. And those people were so much closer to me. And so it not just confuses me but also makes me sad how you see this whole thing differently. Maybe you can do better, maybe you have better things to offer, I get that. But it was still perfect the way it was. There is no need to go over it repeatedly and wish it was different. I would never ever never want it to be any other way.

To me, you were and still are the kind of person they only talk about in fairytales. Does that mean I think you have no flaws? No. I know everyone has flaws and I have always believed that is what makes each of us unique and more special. And I have stopped buying onscreen personas since when I was like 13. Okay, maybe 15. Perfection to me is not the absence of flaws. Perfection to me is in the way I feel about someone. And I have always felt so wholesome around you, every moment spent with you was perfect. You were perfect, everything you did was perfect. If I were to sit you down and categorically tell you to do exactly as I wanted, I still couldn’t do a better job than what you had already done. Plz I’m embarrassed to admit that I have spent days, weeks, MONTHS daydreaming about you. Repeating every word over and over and over in my head and feeling every feeling it caused in me. I don’t see the “mistakes” that you see. Maybe you don’t see them either, and that’s why you are confused as to why you are being punished. Then maybe you should consider the thought that you aren’t being punished? I am not keeping away because of anything you did or didn’t do, I am keeping away for my own issues. You might think I have it all figured out, but I’m sorry to burst your bubble, I’m still a work in progress as well. You think I have over exaggerated ideas about you? Well I think you have put me up on a pedestal and don’t see how I’m struggling too. Do I absolutely need to be away to focus on myself right now? Absolutely. I have a tendency to be put who I love (there I said it, I wish it wasn’t said this way, but I guess this is the need of the hour) before me, and lose myself in the process. And unless I learn how to prioritizing another person without de-prioritizing myself, I need to be by myself. Have you ever felt like this connection was getting the better of you— that you had no control over yourself whatsoever? That’s how it has felt for me too. I need to find my own footing before getting involved in anything at all. Do I seem stubborn and difficult? Good. Because I have been easy and impressionable before and it has taken everything away from me. You must understand, this has got nothing to do with you. These problems have existed in my life before you came, and they will continue to exist unless I take care of them. You might think you can solve all my problems, if only we were together. That’s not true. The problems are inside of me. You can, at best, distract me from them. Only I can truly uproot them. Not only is this my duty here on earth, it is my right to be able to do that, and I am going to defend my right, whether or not you agree with me, and no matter how mad it makes you. It is never my intention to hurt you or anger you, but if that’s the price I have to pay, so be it. And it doesn’t even have to be about problems either. I have the right to live my life the way I want to. Always. Whether or not you are in my life. And I have the right to do so without having to explain myself. This is something I have learnt pretty late in my life— I really used to be the exact opposite. I have spent YEARS unlearning that pattern and I am not going to abandon my beliefs anymore, not even for you. And I’m not even apologetic about it. If there is any love in this connection, it will honour my freedom and my choices. Even if I abandoned myself right now “out of love”, and years later when I realize the folly in that, I’d forever hold you responsible for that and hate you all my life. That’s not going to be a very successful connection, is it? My morals, principles and beliefs are what make me who I am. Abandoning them is literally changing me, might as well change my face with surgery. They are staying with me until my last breath. Anyone who wants to be in my life has to respect and accept that. You don’t have to though. And I really want to make sure you understand this. I don’t expect you to do anything that you don’t want to do. Nothing at all. When you had no idea I existed, I liked you even then. The point is, my liking or loving you isn’t dependent on what you do or don’t do for me. It has everything to do who you are. Now, you might not see yourself that way. You might think you are nothing special to be liked or loved. You might feel the need to do a ton of things so that people like you. But you see, that’s all just you, not me. Don’t project your feelings on to me. For me, you have always been special and everything you have ever done has been special. Now, the answer to the difficult question: have I ever been hurt by you? Yes. But I have never thought it was your “fault”. For me it was always my fault that I was too reliant on someone else’s opinion of me, and a push to the direction of learning to be self-validated. And it was a huge leap in my growth! To be honest, I don’t entirely know what fault you hold yourself responsible for. I have no idea what “wrong” choices you have made. All I see is, you had prior commitments and you chose to honour your commitments. You chose to stick with the people who were there in your life long before me. Not only do I respect you more because of it, it has always been a very attractive quality about a person to me— being mindful of everyone in their lives. The only thing that makes me mad is when you fail to realize that I have the right to do the same. You can choose to fight me over my freedom and ways of dealing with things, but know that it is a fight I will always win :p

You seek my forgiveness but it is not me who hasn’t forgiven you, it is you. You want love from me but it is not me who doesn’t love you, it is you. Fear all you want, doubt all you want, but you could inquire in 10, 20, 100 years if I love you, and the answer will still be the same: yes I do. And if you ask me 1000 times what we should do about it, my answer will also be the same— this really is the time to focus on ourselves. It might seem like I’m going further away from you, but I really am coming towards you with every passing day. How and when— not everything needs to be known right now. If you are patient, everything will make sense when it’s the right time. Maybe then you would even hate yourself for not being more understanding, and wish that you had acted different right now. Just like you now wish you had behaved differently back then. The tighter you are holding on to this, the longer the wait is getting. Holding on tight to your love is an old paradigm. This is the time to be freely flying beside each other. I know because not very long ago, I had to make this exact choice. Either to let go of you and risk losing you forever or to hold on tightly to you and lose myself forever. I made the 2nd choice with a lot of doubt and difficulty, and it turns out that our connection has only gotten stronger from there. You feel like you are the only one in this journey but this is truly a journey of two. I assure you, every phase you cross, I have crossed it before you. There was a time I was addicted to you too. No matter where I went, what I did, who I was with, I was more interested in knowing what new weird thing Jungkook did today. Back then, nothing else was any more important than a little attention from my dream boy. And yet, there was so much anxiety and fear mixed with those experiences. Those were absolutely beautiful moments and everything I ever wished for, then why couldn’t I completely engage in them? Because I hadn’t learned to love myself yet. And so everything lacked, no matter how special. I can tell you for sure that me being in your life right now will do the exact same for you. So far you literally have followed all of my footsteps. And this is another reason for me needing to focus on myself. Until now, it was only about my own dreams and goals in life. But now I see how we are both almost tethered together in this connection, and I seem to be leading the way, aren’t I? For you to figure out the maze, I have to do that first. You know how you feel drawn to me, like you can never get enough? You might feel like it is your need to be loved by me, but really it is the need for you to follow in my next footsteps that is to focus on yourself. This is why you are never satisfied. Even when I am with you, you are still anxious about something you anticipate happening in the future. You are restless because you are not addressing the problems inside of you. You are trying to control this connection and this situation from outside, but that’s not where the issue is. You really think I’m some angel descended from heaven? Time to burst another bubble. I have a dark past too. I have hurt people, been destructive and done things I wish I hadn’t. The only difference? I have forgiven myself. I was young and didn’t know any better. It doesn’t help either that our society only teaches us to focus on the external things. Those mistakes didn’t define me nor will any other mistake I might make in the future. Nothing else defines me other than that I want to be happy and I’m committed to learning how to be happy and will learn and grow all my life in pursuit of happiness. You feel like you’re attracted to me because you need a loving person in your life, but what you’re really looking for subconsciously is to learn to love yourself because you see that I love myself. There is literally nothing in this world that makes a person more attractive than self love. It is the ultimate goal for every soul and someone who masters it is a veritable flame for all moths. No amount of love is enough for the person who doesn’t love themselves. Believe me, I’ve been there. You think I’m mad at you, but the thing is, the mire I focus on myself, the more I’m able to understand you more. So yes, even though you make me so mad so often, it doesn’t last at all. This connection has changed me in ways that surprise me too. In my past connections, if I was hurt, I would make sure I’d give back the same hurt back ten times so they knew what I went through. Not anymore. Very soon into this connection I’d realized that no matter how much I was hurt, I could never bring myself to do the same to you. And gradually I learnt to not be hurt at all in the first place. Because I always understand where you come from. And I always will. Not because I’m some saint, but because I have been through all of that. You are not wrong in wanting to be loved, or wanting assurance. It’s been a tough journey hasn’t it, being through situations and people that have distorted your perception of your own self? So much so that you now believe you are that person. But if you really were, then why did I see someone else when I first saw you? And after all this time, why do I still see that same person? No matter what happens in between, why hasn’t my perception changed of you? How is it that we are both looking at the same but different person? You might argue that your version of you is more accurate, not mine. Then why do you believe so strongly that your version of ME is more accurate, that you are ready to fight with everyone else over it? Why do you believe so strongly that you just KNOW me? Because as Twin Flames we are lucky to have someone designated to see ourselves in our divinity when we have forgotten that about ourselves. At this point, I don’t even care what you think about yourself. I know what I know and nothing and no one is ever going to convince me otherwise. Flaws and all, you are perfect to ME. But no one can convince you of that better than yourself. Unless you forgive, love and accept yourself, you will always feel like there’s not enough love in your life. No matter how many times we go over this, this is where it will always end up at.

Don’t get me wrong though, I feel your change and transformation. I feel your heart opening up, I feel you getting more and more vulnerable. And I know it’s scary. But this is the only way. When I had to let go, I realized what terrified me the most was if I was going to lose the “feeling” that existed then. The whole dreamy, head-over-heels, giggling like a little girl, and getting unmentionable thoughts 24/7 type of love feeling (yes is it that hard to believe it exists?) As it turned out, not only did the feeling not go, it transformed into this beautiful version where I have so much more control over it— I can feel this way when I decide to, instead of it being all over the place before. Ironically here, you feel like falling constantly when you hold on. You find your ground when you let go. Does it seem like I don’t think about you at all? The reality is, I’m just more at peace with these feelings. Instead of fighting them or trying to get rid of them, I let them stay with me with the instructions that they let me do other things like work, and they stay quietly beside me all day, and only get activated when I want them to lol. You are suffering because you are trying too hard to get an outcome, a result out of it, I’m just here enjoying the ride, wherever it takes me. If I leave you, you will be shattered, probably feel betrayed and unable to trust anyone else. If you leave, I’ll love you regardless. I have nothing to gain from this, and yet I gain the most beautiful, precious things from it every single day. All because I let go. I let go, not of you, but of my expectations of an outcome. In return, you stayed. And with you, the most high vibrational feelings that literally poets write about, singers sing about, and people everywhere spend all their lives looking for. I found them right where I was. It does make me sad to see you in pain but I know it’s only temporary and more than that, essential to get to where you must get in this lifetime. But it doesn’t have to be that painful. It took me years to understand certain things, and if I could teach just one thing, it would be acceptance. Resist less, accept more. Accept situations as they are. And watch them magically transform. The last thing, if you really, REALLY want to do something for me, something that would make me happy, and if I do in fact, have the right to ask for something from you— it is that you put yourself first right now. Independent of me. Pretty please. I know I’m kinda awesome and hard to resist lol but there must be things that you have wanted to do that had nothing to do with me. Explore yourself without judgement. And allow me the freedom to do the same. There is no one I want more than you in my life, but there are things I want to explore and do which have existed way before you came into my life. If I couldn’t do them, I would hate you for the rest of my life and I definitely don’t want that. I don’t want to rush a connection so special and rare. I don’t want to start something not knowing for sure that I can be consistent with. Whatever I start is going to be forever and for that we both need to be 100% ready without any doubts or reservations. If we’re not there yet, that’s alright, we should have enough time to prepare. Just know that no matter what happens, this connection is not going anywhere, and these feelings are not going away, cuz they never have. And IF, in the rare occasion that it has to end, know for sure that it will be decided by two people, not just one. It is the right of both people who are working towards this connection. Believe in Divine magic and timing. We’re going to be alright.

Enclosing I’d like to say: Are you a dictionary? Cuz you’re adding meaning to my life. Are you a camera? Cuz every time I look at you, I smile. Do you have a pencil? Cuz I want to erase your past and write our future. (Okay that’s enough Google search for today)

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athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit · 3 years

Text

Of Ice and Blood

Part 6

Part 6~ cuz I love y'all <3 don't forget to drink your vitamins and keep hydrated! Stay safe and healthy my loves :)

Word count: 3k+ words

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: None. (tis a fluff-filled chapter)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

* beware of little shifts in perspective from two characters, we will be jumping casually from their minds.

You caught the orc staring at you again, with a smile that made his tusks jut out more. "H-Hi!" you blurted out, waving.

As you began walking towards him, you found yourself losing balance, your legs giving out. You closed your eyes reflexively and expected to land face-first on the tiled floor.

Only you didn't.

You felt a strong arm around your waist and a large hand on your back, nearly covering the expanse of it. Instead of the floor, you found yourself smushed against something warm, and that thing, you figured out a second later, was Tai'chi's chest. You became flustered and felt your cheeks and ears redden. Your nose was practically inhaling his scent now, all that musky and rich smell of his making you light-headed. Stuttering, you pulled your head back.

"I-I-I— Ta-Tai'chi???"

Congratulations self, that was perfect, wow.

"Hm? Oh, uh, sorry. I acted on impulse when I saw you collapse." He said as the grip he had on you slackened and moved to hold your shoulder to support you in case you fall again, his other hand, though, remained in its place behind you.

"Don't w-worry about it. My legs just gave out, haha."

That came out awkwardly.

Damn, he is fast.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, his words filled with genuine concern. Your ears were sporting a tinge of red, he noticed. Your scent also changed, signaling you were flustered.

"Ye-yep! We should uh, head back to class now. Oh! We haven't eaten anything for lunch." You said and as if on cue, your stomach grumbled to agree, followed by another grumble but louder, it wasn't yours but Tai'chi's.

The two of you laughed from the sounds they made.

"You're right. How about we go to the cafeteria first to grab something before we head back to our classroom?" He asked, smiling down at you.

"Great idea!" You agreed, a little too eager than you would've liked.

"We should get going then."

He straightened up and removed his hand from your shoulder when he was certain you wouldn't stumble again. Though, he let his hand on your back linger a bit longer even after you left the office.

**************************************

The trip to the cafeteria was peaceful, minus the sounds of muffled talking coming from the rooms. Tai'chi was beside you as you walked down the halls, thankful that your legs found their strength again.

Arriving at the significantly less crowded canteen, both of you went ahead and ordered some food before finding a place to eat. Spotting a vacant one a few tables from the main entrance, you trudged to it, Tai'chi following close. You sat down and got a clearer look at his tray.

It was a lot, though you expected it to be. There were more vegetables than meat though.

"Not a fan of meat?"

He looked at you and laughed, echoing through the whole cafeteria, which resulted in some students glancing in your direction.

You were a bit taken aback, not expecting that sort of reaction from him.

"I'm sorry. I just- I don't know why I found it funny. I meant no offense."

"None taken."

"To answer you, I'm a huge fan of meat, red meat to be exact. This was the only portion that's left when I asked for more. And I'm still growing so I made up for the lack of meat with the vegetables. We orcs love a healthy and hearty meal."

What he said made you smile even more.

"What about you?" He glanced at your tray to see a portion almost similar to his albeit more assorted. This made him look back up and you, flabbergasted. "You can eat all of that?"

You looked down to inspect your food choice, and you instantly felt self-conscious.

"I...Uhm yes. I can." You replied, albeit meekly.

Tai'chi noticed the sudden change in your voice and made himself clear; "No, no I didn't mean it like that. I'm just, well, as you already know I haven't met many humans aside from the ones in a village back home, so I was just surprised." Watching him explain himself made you smile again. The thought of you being repulsive vanished out into thin air.

"I eat a lot. Though sometimes I eat more junk than healthy food. Anyways, let's begin, shall we? We're already late and I'm starving!" Laughing, you both know today's attendance in class isn't much of an issue. They did say there won't be any lessons today to give time for 'socializing' instead.

You stopped in your tracks when you realized you haven't shown him your face ever since you met. You looked around to see if anyone was watching and stole glances at the one in front of you. You slowly removed your mask and revealed your face. Not many have seen you without it, only those who are close to you, specifically your family.

"I guess this is the first time you've seen my face, huh?" Nervous, you asked.

Tai'chi stared at you so intensely you felt self-conscious once again. "I-Is there something wrong?"

'Shit, does he find me unattractive? Weird? Not that I expected the opposite but —'

"No. No, there's nothing wrong. You-"

"I'm what?"

"You're beautiful."

'Did he just—'

Your face heated up again and this time you had no mask to hide it.

Hastily, you covered your face with one hand and looked away.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when you did, coughing into his fist before he started eating.

Once you cooled down, you did the same. Trying to focus on the savory food they served in the uni.

Eat, damn it.

You barely noticed the orc, or perhaps you chose not to, as you wolf down your food like you haven't eaten for weeks. Another thing he found admirable and attractive. You ate cleanly, not letting a single piece of food go to waste.

He'll have to find some time later to formally introduce himself, along with other...things.

***********************************

You leaned back on your chair, noticing Tai'chi doing the same, as you let the feeling of content wash over yourselves. The food was great! You made a note to thank the cook later.

You sat up after a moment and arranged your dirty utensils. You were against the thought of making the cafeteria's job of cleaning harder than it is. So you cleaned up, stacked plates properly in your tray with concentration, you didn't realize until later that you did the same to his dishes. You didn't spare a peek up into his eyes or else you'd make a fool out of yourself again. Taking a napkin, you wiped your mouth clean before you quickly put on your mask, much to Tai'chi's dismay.

You stood up but before you could walk away, a hand reached out to grab your arm, stopping you. He stood up from his seat.

"Pearl."

"Uh, yes?"

"There's still time before our next class starts. Would you mind taking a stroll around the campus with me?"

"Y-Yeah— sure. I wouldn't mind." You replied, avoiding his gaze.

The two of you strolled around the quiet grounds of the campus. There were trees, younger than the ones in the forest. You took in the nice scenery before you, feeling the fresh, cool air, the gentle rustling of leaves, calming, and the scent of your companion to your left, relaxing and sweet. You were in a daze, barely paying attention when Tai'chi said your name and stood still.

"Hmm?"

He chuckled lightly at your response.

"I want to continue where we left off in the forest."

"Oh. Oh, of course."

"I want to know more about you, Pearl. So I'll start with my true name." He knelt down which startled you momentarily.

"I am Tai'chi Kashharzol, eldest of five siblings, son of Durog and Gala. I come from the Northern stronghold of clan Fatof'san. Before I came down to the city, I was trained and taught basic socialization by an old human who lived in the village under our protection.

"I went through one of my clan's traditions and hunted down my first Snow Bear. The elders gave me an honorary title to carry, right after my kill."

You stood there listening to him earnestly as he told you all of this with pride, taking in each word and committing them into memory.

"I was given the name, 'Frostbreaker'. It is my warrior name." He took a breath before he asked. "Will you honor me of becoming my friend?"

All of this sounds like a confession— technically it is but there's something, intimate about it. The way his eyes shone with such determination and something you can't figure out.

Should I ask? He stopped talking, snap out of it–

"Oh, wow. I mean yes! Yes I'll be your friend. I'd be more than happy to. The honor is mine!"

You beamed as he returned a toothy grin.

"Right. I should also say something like that, well, uh, wait." You were slightly nervous as you removed your mask, offering a shy smile before speaking.

Breathe in.

And out.

"I am Pearl Blackbell, only child and daughter of Leon and Athena Blackbell. I'm from a town, West of here, Red Springs is its name. My parents taught me martial arts, and, uh, the use of self-defense weapons." You paused and showed him your crimson knuckles. "This is my favorite one to use, I'm sure you noticed already. My father... didn't want me to leave home without any assurance that I can defend myself. You were right when you said I have experience in combat. A decent amount of it," you sighed.

"I always, almost every day, get into trouble standing up for someone, bullied, or abused. I also held my own when someone tries to harass me, smashing their faces in."

Tai'chi in turn listened closely, his gaze intense on you. He was concerned about what you implied. Many attempted to assault you? How many times? Did they hurt you? Your smile faltered as you told him the next things about yourself.

"I... didn't have friends as I grew up. People tend to be afraid of what they do not understand, y'know? They didn't want me near them, finding me weird for wearing a mask, plus my reputation for punching humans didn't help," you laughed self-deprecatingly. "So I spent my whole high school years training, mastering my art with the help of my father, who was of course, very strict and hard on me." Finding nothing else comfortable to say at this stage, you went quiet.

"Can I ask you a question?" The orc said a moment later. He was bothered by the fact you had no friends, not even one. And training, training meant pain.

"Only if I can ask one in return." You replied, feeling bold all of a sudden. He grinned at this.

"Why do you always wear a mask?"

There was no trace of ulterior motive in his scent, not the usual annoyance you smelled every time someone asked the same question. So you answered him, honestly.

"Promise you won't get weirded out?"

"I swear on my name."

"Oh. oh, okay that's good. You see, my nose, or my sense of smell specifically, is err, not normal."

Now this made Tai'chi's eyes widen. Did you have an illness of sorts? Is your health in danger? Were you h–

"I can tell how someone is feeling based on the changes in their scent. My nose is very sensitive to odors so I keep wearing a mask every time I go outside. It has been like this since I was born. My doctors say it's rare for a human to possess, they say it's special, a gift from a higher being."

"When we went in the cafeteria after our first class, "—Tai'chi inserted— "Was the reason you stopped advancing inside further, the sour and disgusting smell of the students in there?"

"Yes, actually— Wait, how did you know?" you asked.

How does he know??? Did he just smirk?

"I can smell them too."

"You can?!"

"Yes."

"So you mean to tell me, my nose functions similarly like yours?"

"Yes, perhaps, a little bit differently. Or maybe it's because you didn't hone it."

"How can you say so?"

"I can block out certain smells if I want to. And based on your reaction early on, you're having a hard time doing so, is that right?"

"W-Well, yes. You're right. Usually, I'd wear a mask with a basic filtration device, but that doesn't work when I'm inside a closed space and the scents are all mixed up and concentrated."

Tai'chi nodded in reply. He began to stand up and you were met with his towering form once again. You took a step back so you can put less strain on your neck from looking up.

"You still owe me an answer to a question by the way."

"Go on and ask then."

"So, uh, is it just me or when you told me about you...it kind of felt different from how talking to a friend sounds like..." You fidgeted, a certain heat slowly creeps up your face again as you looked around not wanting to meet his gaze. You felt your heart rate increase as you noticed his scent change, telling you you were right.

Tai'chi sighed heavily and rubbed his temples before gathering the courage to talk.

"Yes, it was different."

"So..."

"We use that kind of formality, usually towards someone we want to court."

Did he say 'court'?!

"C-Court??" you squeaked. Pretty sure your face is redder than the color of your brass knuckles, your heart hammering in your chest you believed he could hear it.

"Courting, or dating, or whatever everyone calls it down here." Breathing in deeply, he returned to kneel before you and took your hands into his, large palms caressing your small ones.

"I'll have to rephrase my words."

He locked his gaze into yours, deep blue eyes to your mahogany ones.

"Will you allow me to court you, Pearl Blackbell?"

"W-Why would you want to court me?"

The hell would someone want to court me? I'm seen as a freak by most people and I'm not soft or girly like the others. I don't like skirts or dresses. I hate makeup. I have calloused hands, scars hidden under my clothes. I don't understand —

He gave you a soft smile, cutting off your train of self-deprecating thoughts. "I can hear your mind, Pearl. Don't think low of yourself. You are amazing, y'know that? The first time I saw your eyes, and the moment you fought for my sake, I knew I was smitten. You are graceful, each motion fluid and filled with strength, people would never expect you possess until they feel it through a punch you throw. You are kind, righteous, beautiful, strong, with a heart of gold. It is a shame how most people do not see it. I want to prove myself to you, and win your heart properly."

You were about to pass out from his confession when you remembered you need to respond! Gathering what courage and energy you have left, you answered.

"I...Oh my God... I don't know what to say— I've never experienced this, ever! I'm afraid I won't know what to do- what if I mess up? What if I—"

"Listen, liga ni..." He cut you off as he rubbed circles on your hands, that small shift of language sent his voice into a guttural one. "This is also a first for me, and I share your fears in this. But my wish to pursue you remains unwavered. I will try my best to woo you, and if I do something you didn't like, it is up to you to end the courting, any time you want, and I will stop immediately. I hope we would stay friends if it comes that..." He said as he broke eye contact and looked down.

"Tai'chi..." Seeing him sad like this made your chest twist in discomfort.

Steadying yourself, you studied him, his scent was pure, no malice within his words, he was speaking from his heart. With renewed confidence, you finally decided.

"Tai'chi Kashharzol...I wish to court you as well."

He snapped up his gaze back to you and saw you smile. He scented you just to make sure you weren't doing this out of pity. The moment he realized it was genuine he lifted you in the air and spun you around. You were surprised at the sudden outburst but laughed together with him once you got over it. He set you down after a while and moved his face close to yours but halted immediately when he saw your eyes widen.

"Too forward?" He asked.

"Y-Yeah." Your heart was doing backflips, even if that sounds so ridiculous.

He understood. "I apologize, I got carried away." But before he pulled back you pressed a quick kiss on his forehead. He almost purred from the gesture but suppressed it as not to scare you in any way. You were new to this after all. He cleared his throat and reached out a hand to you.

"We should head back, our class will start soon."

"O-okay." You moved to wear your mask again before taking his hand, enjoying the rest of the walk in silence. You were still nervous, but you decided to focus on the now.

I've never felt like this before... Is it a good thing? I think it is.

And with that on your mind, you let yourself relax.

A pair of cruel eyes witnessed the whole exchange, remaining unnoticed as he hid behind a tree, a good distance from where you stood. They watched you and the orc walk away before they went the other direction.

"She will be fun to break. A female, human Blackbell, tempting. This will be a great chance to demonstrate and prove how monstrous an orc could be." They snickered. "I will enjoy this, exceptionally."

"In time, Pearl. In time."

****************************************

Now now who is this suspicious person?!

Liga ni — means 'little one' (as an endearment) in Orcish

Tags: @crackinanutshell @kokokatsworld @mitchiesdungeon

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missmentelle · 3 years

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Am I a bad friend for being overwhelmed by my friend's severe depression/abandonment issues and wanting a break sometimes? I'm the only one they can lean on and I do my best to help them but sometimes I just don't know what to do because nothing seems to help them and I can't always be available without neglecting my own mental health/my work. I spend at least 90% of my free time and some of my time at work when I'm able to text assuring them every day that they're not worthless and giving them reasons why I like them/reasons why they shouldn't commit s****** after they rant to me and ask me "Why?" about those things. They refuse to seek out therapy (Even though their insurance fully covers it) and acknowledge that they can be toxic but refuse to change and instead always just say stuff like "I'm sorry, I know I'm a piece of shit, I should just die". Any advice? :/

Thanks in advance, if you get to this question!

You definitely aren’t a bad friend for being overwhelmed by this. I think anybody would be in your situation.

It really sucks that your friend is going through this right now, but one person cannot be a 24/7 support for a person in crisis. It’s just not doable. Trying to give someone constant support without a break will burn anyone out, especially if that person is not willing to take steps to help themselves. It’s great that you want to be there for your friend, but they also need to meet you halfway - they need to take responsibility for their own mental health, be willing to consider other resources, and understand that it’s not personal when friends sometimes need a break or can’t be available 24/7. That can be very difficult for people with severe mental illness, but they need to find a way to manage it; making threats of suicide or saying dark things like “I’m a huge piece of shit and I should just die” whenever one of their supports needs a break is hugely manipulative, and it’s not okay.

I am a mental health professional with a lot of training to help people in crisis, and I still can’t be a 24/7 support for someone in crisis without quickly burning out. When I work with people who have very high mental health needs, I don’t do it alone - I work with a large team, so that we can make sure this person has support they need at various hours of the day, and so that no one person feelings like they are alone in supporting this person. We never break boundaries; if it’s my day off or if I’m meeting with another client and the person in crisis desperately wants to speak with me, they have to make do with one of their other supports or wait until I am available again. Having just one support is not an option for these clients - they have to work with us to establish a network of supports so that they have different people to turn to if their preferred support is not available. Again, I understand that it might be hard for your friend to accept other supports, but they need to do it - leaning this hard on just you is not good for either of you. It’s setting you up for some serious burnout, and it’s setting them up to not have any supports at all once that happens.

Every relationship needs boundaries. Period. A boundary is not a sign that you don’t care about the other person - it’s a sign that you care about yourself. Helping someone in crisis is great, but if the person has so many constant, ongoing crises that helping them prevents you from functioning properly in your own life, some boundaries need to be be put in place. Spending 90% of your free time talking the same person out of suicide over and over again is unsustainable. People in a severe mental health crises can sometimes be like drowning people; if you try to help them all by yourself, they will drag you under the water with them, which helps no one and endangers both of you. Your own mental health needs to be your top priority here - although it might feel cruel at first to put boundaries in place, it’s necessary if the relationship is going to survive in the long run, and it can sometimes give the other person the push they need to access resources.

When you’re in a situation where you’re burnt out from helping someone in crisis and you desperately need to set some boundaries, here’s what I recommend:

Have an open conversation about the situation. This won’t be an easy conversation, but sometimes it just has to be done. Tell your friend that you want to support them and you want to be there for them, but that you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Tell them that you want them to get the best support possible, but that you aren’t a mental health professional and that they deserve support from an expert who is trained to provide it. Remind them that you need space sometimes and that it’s not a personal attack or a rejection of them, it’s just something you need for yourself. Do your best to lay out your feelings and express your desire to work together with them to move forward in a healthier, more productive way.

Commit to having “off-times”. There need to be certain hours every day where you take a break and just don’t reply to texts or answer your phone. Expecting you to be available at all times is just not reasonable. Don’t answer your texts during work hours, during meals, during your sleeping hours (even if you aren’t asleep) and for at least an hour before you want to go to bed. Give yourself time to relax, wind down and take some time for yourself. Your friend might be upset about this at first, but it’s important to be strict with this boundary - you need time to yourself. Period.

Carve out time for your hobbies, friends and rest. Make sure you are spending time each week that is just for you - watch a favourite show, read a book, Skype call with other friends, play some video games, take a nap. Do whatever makes you happy. And while you’re taking time for yourself, enforce your boundaries - you can’t enjoy watching a movie if you are texting someone in crisis all the way through it and not actually watching the show. Remember that you don’t need to justify time you take for yourself - it’s not that the movie is “more important” than your friend, it’s that your own mental health is your first priority.

Seek out social support for yourself. It’s very common for people to let other friendships and relationships drop when they are spending most of their time supporting someone in crisis. Don’t. Make sure you are spending time on other relationships that are more of a mutual source of support for you. Becoming isolated for the sake of one friend is not healthy - take steps to protect and nurture your other relationships.

Get their other friends and family on board, if possible. Supporting a person in crisis has to be a team effort, especially if that person is making threats of suicide. One person cannot keep them safe all on their own. If you know that this person has other friends or family in their life that could be a source of support, it might be time to reach out to them and let them know how serious your friend’s situation has become. Multiple people coordinating to support one person is always better than one person going it alone.

Encourage them to access other supports. I know that your friend does not want to seek outside supports, but there comes a time when that stops being a reasonable option for someone who has outside supports available. From the sounds of it, your friend passed that point a long time ago. Again, remind your friend that you are not a professional and that you are worried you can’t give them the help they need. Offer to assist them in locating appropriate supports. If they get upset when they are unable to reach you right away, remind them of professional or alternative supports available, and explain that they need to contact those resources when they cannot reach you. Keep directing them to other supports - therapists, hotlines, 911, etc - that can provide more comprehensive support than you can, and stick to your boundaries.

Don’t engage with their manipulative behaviour. When someone constantly and consistently threatens suicide or says things like “I get it, I’m the worst, I’m a piece of shit, I deserve nothing and I should just die” whenever they are called out for their toxic behaviour, that’s a form of manipulation. As hard as it might be, you can’t give in to it - when they know this kind of manipulation works, they’ll keep using it, and they won’t change their toxic behaviour or take steps to address their mental health. When your friend is being manipulative, set firm boundaries. Tell them that they don’t seem to be in a good headspace for this conversation and that you’ll talk to them when they seem more able to discuss their harmful behaviour. If they make direct threats of suicide, tell them you are concerned for their safety and that you think it would be best for them to call 911. Do not engage further, just keep directing them to outside supports.

Setting boundaries with someone who has severe mental health struggles is hard. It’s so hard. And honestly... it won’t always go well. Sometimes people are very understanding, and talking to them about boundaries makes them realize that it’s time to start taking their mental health more seriously... but I think it’s more common for people to view boundaries as a personal attack, at least in the beginning. I get my fair share of hate mail from people who inform me that I must “hate the mentally ill” because I preach setting boundaries. This is a very emotional topic for a lot of people, and unfortunately, conversations about it will not always go well. When someone is used to having unlimited access to you and they are used to being able to shut down any conversations about how their actions might be toxic, suddenly having you put boundaries in place can feel like a slap in the face. That doesn’t mean that you should give in or relax your boundaries, though - what you are asking for is not unreasonable. No relationship should be causing you this much stress or possibly threatening your livelihood (especially in a global pandemic with an unemployment crisis), and you are not a bad person for needing a break and room to breathe. Your friend might come around and accept your boundaries after a while, or they might not. Either way, you need to protect your own mental health - it’s up to them to decide whether they are willing to continue with a relationship where they are no longer allowed to run you into the ground. Best of luck to you! MM

#Anonymous

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bangtan-sonyeonddaeng · 4 years

Text

Play it loud, Daechwita

The loud sounds of the market were buzzing through your head. Countless people talking all at once, some screaming, others bargaining, and some you swear were talking loudly just because they liked the sound of their own voice. Every time you came here you left with a migraine, and you knew this time would be no different. Unfortunately, you are only human and you have to eat.

You come to the butcher’s stand and notice an odd exchange happen. The man wearing a straw hat doesn’t buy anything, just simply mouths a few words, they both nod, and he turns around to walk off. His gaze is cast down, clearly trying not to be noticed. He begins walking towards you and as he does, one gentleman runs into him, causing the man to smack right into you. You fall to the ground and a cloud of dirt is kicked up. You try to expel the dirt from your lungs and clear the dust away from your vision with a wave of your hand.

“Yah! Jin watch where you are going! You just ran right into that guy!”

“Excuse me? Show some respect that is hyung to you!”

You watch the two fighting with each other and notice the man is still walking off away from you. He didn’t even offer to help you up, which honestly made your blood boil just enough to the point where you went running after him demanding an apology.

“Hey! You! Don’t you just walk away from me! You knocked me flat on my ass the least you can do is apologize!” He continues to ignore you and keeps walking. “Hey! Straw hat guy!” His shoulders tense. “Ah so you can hear me. Listen up you can’t just run into people like that and not stay you’re sorry didn’t your mom teach you any-“ Suddenly he turns around, grabs your wrist and yanks you into an ally and your nerve are immediately on edge. Maybe you shouldn’t have pushed the issue so much. “Um, listen I am sorry I didn’t mean it please don’t murder me.” You hide your face and hear the guy let out a deep breathy chuckle. It sounds familiar. So familiar it sends a shiver up your spine.

“You can’t be.. Y--.. Yoon-“ A hand is slapped over your mouth and your back is suddenly pressed flat against the building. He slowly lifts his head up and your gaze finally meets. You’d remember those eyes anywhere. Your own widen to the size of saucers as you start incoherently shouting behind his hand muffling your voice. He holds a finger up to his lips.

“Shh! For fuck sake y/n keep your voice down.”

“Mmm-ph!”

“Are you going to be quiet?” You nod your head. He removes his hand from your mouth.

“What the fuck Yoo-“ His hand is immediately back.

“Listen, I need you to not blow my cover so please y/n I am begging you, don’t cause a scene.” You seem to relax at that, so he slowly lowers his hand until he is sure you won’t start shouting at him again. He sees your expression crumple and knows what’s going to happen. You are immediately pulled into a hug with your face buried in his chest. A hand is placed on the back of your head as he runs his fingers through your hair. A hand snakes down to your waist and pulls you even tighter against him. You sob into his chest, the sound muffled as he’s holding you so closely to him. You have a death grip on his shirt, terrified that if you let go for even a second that he is going to disappear again.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here. I promise you, I’m not leaving again.”

“I- I thought you were dead. You’ve been missing for years, Yoongi. What the hell happened? Where did you go? What were you doing that you couldn’t even see me for two seconds to let me know you were alive? You could have sent me a letter. A smoke signal. Or anything for that matter. You have no idea how heartbroken I was when I saw your brother cut you with the sword. There was so much blood..” You shudder at the memory which you thought you had repressed by now. Apparently your brain had other plans. “How are you even alive right now? I thought I was never going to see you again and I’ve lived the past 5 years with this emptiness and hole in my chest that was left by you.” You pull away from him and his heart shatters at the broken expression on your face. He lifts his hands up to cup your face and kisses both of your cheeks until you stop crying.

“Y/n you know I couldn’t. He was after me. You all were in danger. I had to make everyone believe that I was gone otherwise my plan never would have worked. And to be honest I honestly thought that was the end for me. But the executioner.. He snuck out after my brother tried to kill me. He found me and took me to a doctor he trusted that healed me. My brother… he’s gone absolutely mad y/n I am sure you know that. He gave himself a scar to match mine just so he could pretend to be me so no one would question it. He can’t be allowed to rule any longer. That’s why I left for so long. I was building connections, ensuring that I would have enough support and people willing to follow me after I overthrow my brother. I had to let people know that there was still hope, that that imposter on the throne wasn’t me.”

“So you decided to let a bunch of strangers know you were alive but not me? Someone who has been by your side since we were kids?” You narrow your eyes, feeling more hurt now than ever. “You trusted people you didn’t even know over me?”

“Y/n that’s not-“

“Please, just don’t. I don’t want to hear anymore excuses.”

“They aren’t excuses it’s the truth. I couldn’t’ come back here. I didn’t dare set foot inside the city walls and I especially couldn’t see you. My brother knew how much I loved you. If I would have even tried to send a message to you, it would have been intercepted. People have been following you and keeping tabs on you ever since my brother became suspicious of the rumors that I was still alive. Otherwise I would have let you know I was fine. You weren’t the only one hurting, you know? But if I upset you that badly and you want nothing to do with me.. I understand.” He finally drops his hands away from your face and takes a step back. You immediately miss his touch and reach out to grab his hand and lace your fingers together, something he often did to assure you that he would always be there for you, and wasn’t going anywhere. Now you needed to do the same for him.

“You’re right. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through these past few years. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He gives you a small smile, but it’s enough to send a frenzy of butterflies into your stomach. Some things never change. You stand there for a moment, taking in the sight of him. He looks tired, so so tired. The dark circles under his eyes have worsened, the usual light that shown in his eyes was gone. Although you could see a little bit being rekindled when you smile up at him. He’s more pale than you remember. And thinner. You make a mental note to cook him a hearty meal once all of this is done. Maybe make him a cake or two. You were planning to spoil him rotten as a welcome back.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Hmm, no reason. Just trying to commit this moment to memory in case I wake up and realize this really all was just a dream.”

“It’s not. I promise I’m here.” He moves closer and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Did you feel that?”

“Y-yes.”

“And how about this?” his lips lightly brush over your eyelids and you flutter them closed.

“Yes.”

“And how about this?” Ever so gentle, his lips finally are connected with yours. They barely brush against one another but it is enough to send your heart thudding loudly in your chest.

“I feel all of that.” When you open your eyes he’s smiling his signature gummy smile that you adore and missed more than anything.

“I guess you’re not dreaming then, huh?”

“I guess not. So where do we go from here?” His expression falls slightly.

“I… I don’t know. I can’t be here with you until I figure everything out with my brother. I can’t put you in danger like that please understand.” You nod your head, although you pout slightly. Yoongi pokes your bottom lip causing you to giggle.

“I understand. Just, can you at least tell me what you’re planning?”

“… I’m sorry no. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t want you to know anything for your own safety.”

“Alright. I trust you.” His eyes widen at that in surprise.

“R-really?”

“Of course.”

“Just that easy? No arguing? Back talk? Are you my brother in disguise?” He pulls on your cheeks and you immediately burst out laughing and swat his hand away.

“Yoongi I will never stop believing in you or supporting you. You can always count on me.” You reach down and give his hand a comforting squeeze, and he does the same back.

“That really means a lot to me y/n. Seriously. Thank you.”

“No need to. You should probably get back to whatever it is you were doing though. The more time we spend back here the more suspicious it is going to look if someone really is watching me.” Yoongi’s grip tightens harshly.

“You’re right.” He brings your hand up to his lips and places a kiss there.

“I promise I will come find you once this is all over.”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting.”

So things weren’t going exactly to his plan. No, they absolutely really were not. Him getting captured of course was. The executioner was on his side, and he knew that his life was not in danger at his hands. What he wasn’t planning on, was you getting captured as well. His heart immediately falls into his stomach when he hears your whimpers from beside him.

“Let y/n go you asshole. Your problem is with me.” You hear his brother scoff loudly.

“Hmm yes. But see y/n here cares for you deeply, and I know you care just as much if not more. So I figured why not have a little party here? I’m sure my dear brother, that you love to spend your last moments with them, correct?”

“What are you talking about? Yoongi? What’s going on, I can’t see anything because of the blindfold.” You hear him click his tongue against his teeth.

“Well that’s a problem. See I want you to witness everything, my dear.”

“Don’t call me that you freaking crazy ass-“

“Yah! Y/n don’t say that. Don’t make things worse than they already are, please.”

“You should listen to him you know? He’s right. I don’t take kindly to people insulting me. You’re lucky I am even considering letting you go after I kill him. By the way how did you even survive the first time? I cut with you with my sword and made sure it was deep enough that you wouldn’t survive. Someone must have saved you. Who was it hmm? Who do I have to behead for betraying me all those years ago? Maybe if you tell me I will consider letting you live out the rest of your days in the dungeon.” Even though your eyes are covered you know Yoongi would have rolled his eyes at that.

“Guess I just got lucky. You did get me deep enough, I have the scars to prove it. Some other worldly force in the universe must be looking out for me and knows who’s really meant to be on the throne.” You are about to speak when the blindfold is suddenly ripped off and you are staring up at the very man you despise with everything in you. Any trace of light or kindness is completely gone from his eyes. His blonde hair is tied back and you take in the sharpness of his features. Even though they are brothers, there is nothing similar about them. Agust’s eyes are sharp, and cruel. Whereas Yoongi’s are soft and hold so much kindness. There is a reason people around town call Agust the Mad King. He smirks at you and you wish your hands weren’t bound so you can quite literally wipe that grin off his face. He turns towards the executioner and nods his head, giving him the signal. He starts heading towards Yoongi and your heart is racing in your chest. It feels like it’s going to absolutely burst and you can’t help the tears that are escaping from your eyes.

“Y-Yoongi, no. You can’t.. This isn’t happening.” The executioner forces him to stand and move where he is kneeling with his back to you.

“Y/n everything is going to be okay. Trust me.”

“Even when you are about to die you are still so confident and cocky. You disgust me, you know?”

“Yeah? Well the feeling is mutual, sir.” He spits on the ground in front of his brother and he almost breaks his composure for a moment, but scoffs instead, turning on his heel and walking back up to the top of the steps to his throne room to watch everything unfold.

“Well? Get on with it.” The executioner raises the sword high above Yoongi’s head and you let out a cry. Yoongi told you to trust him, that everything will be fine. But when you see the sword come down and see him crumple onto the ground everything he says goes out the window. Your body just shuts down. You collapse onto the ground and cry silently, having had every ounce of energy completely leave your body. But then you see something through the blurriness of your tears. It looks like movement? You squint your eyes and try to wipe them as best as you can on your shoulder. Yoongi is moving. Your eyes widen in shock as you watch him take the blind fold off and shrug the ropes off his body. The executioner is bowing to him, head held low and handing him something. It’s a glint of metal and you immediately know what it is. The king says nothing, clearly having realized he has been betrayed. His arrogance having got the better of him, he had none of his court officials or soldiers with him because he thought there was no way he would get away this time, that he wouldn’t be so lucky. Yoongi takes the gun and turns around to face you.

“I’m sorry angel but I’ll untie you in a minute. Close your eyes, I don’t want you to see this.” Before he even finishes his sentence you feel your vision going black, the onslaught of different emotions you’ve felt all at once washing over you and overwhelming your sense all at once. Your head falls back onto the ground and you’re out. The last thing you hear before you drift into unconsciousness is the sound of a gunshot, and footsteps running over to you.

“Y/n? Come on sweetheart, you need to wake up.” He places his palm on your cheek and runs his thumb over it gently. “I know that was a lot to deal with, but I need you to wake up now, come on angel stay with me.” Your eyes start to flutter open when you feel his lips pressing kisses all over your face. When your eyes do finally stay open and you meet his, he’s smiling at you. It’s a small one, but you see the intent behind it with the way his eyes are shining at you. “There you are. You passed out for a little bit there. Are you okay?”

You stare at him, just blinking and not saying anything and he begins to worry that maybe you hit your head a little too hard. Until his thoughts are abruptly cut off by you throwing your arms around his neck and tugging him into a suffocating hug. He doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate, holding you just as tightly.

“Is it done now?”

“Yeah. I mean, no I have a feeling this mess is just beginning but he’s gone. My brother’s rule is over. I can finally take my rightful place on the throne and lead this country to the greatness it was once meant to be. And I can do it with you by my side.” You pull away and smile at him, and lean in to peck a kiss on his nose. His own grin widens and you see that gummy smile you adore so much.

“Um, your highness. The gunshot caused quite a commotion I think all of the soldiers are running over here now.” Yoongi tries to move away from you but you refuse to let go. He places his hands on your own and tries to gently pry the death grip you have on his shirt away.

“Angel, you gotta let go of me. This whole place is going to be in chaos in a moment and I need to be able to explain myself so they don’t try to behead me the moment they see me.”

“But I just got you back. I thought for a second I lost you again, I can’t let go of you Yoongi, not yet.” He sighs but regardless, can’t help the fondness he has for you.

“What do I always tell you, y/n?”

“… To trust you.”

“So believe me when I say I am not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you again. I promise. Once everything gets sorted, you’ll have forever to spend with me.” You slowly let go of his shirt, but he doesn’t let go of you just get. He laces his fingers with your own and holds your hand tightly.

“We’ll face whatever comes our way together?” He nods his head and kisses your cheek.

“Together. Always”

#bts fanfic #yoongi fanfic #daechwita yoongi fanfic #bts #min yoongi #suga #agust d #yoongi scenario #yoongi imagine #yoongi reaction #daechwita au

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pantoneblou · 3 years

Text

Why I think Fine Line has to be listened to in full: A masterpost

So, a couple of weeks ago, literally one lovely anon asked me to do some Fine Line and Walls lyric analyses, which I know is not probable cause for me to bombard all your dashes with a masterpost of incoherent rambling. However, as I began trying to analyse the songs on Fine Line individually, I realised that most of my opinions are built upon the links between the songs. So, I decided that I’m going to try and explain why I think that Fine Line is more like a journey through a long-term relationship, from Harry’s perspective, than twelve stand alone songs (i.e. You need to listen to all the songs on the album in order to understand some of the more cryptic meanings). I don’t necessarily think that there’s something major to say about all the songs (Harry can be quite literal at times) but I’m going to talk about each of the lyrical choices that stand out to me.

So, without further ado, here is my take on Fine Line:

Golden

I’m kicking this off with Golden, mainly because it’s the first on FL but also because I think my interpretation differs slightly from others I’ve seen.

Golden, for me, really starts off the album by introducing us to where Harry is at now upon his journey with the album’s subject. It’s essentially an ode to an amazing, ‘golden’ person, who has continued to persevere with Harry as he’s gone through some trying and testing stages, which will then be acknowledged and spoken about later in the album. Here’s why:

Golden, golden, golden, as I open my eyes,

Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light.

So, Harry starts us off with some hefty repetition that confirms straight away just how great this person is. However, when he says ‘as I open my eyes’, I think he’s referring to the early days of their relationship. In the following line, therefore, I believe he’s longing for the ease of their early days. The subject and their greatness hasn’t changed (hence the present tense and frequent commands in the second line) but Harry has, and whilst he knows its for the best, he can’t help but long for the simplicity of when they first met.

I know you were way too bright for me.

I'm hopeless, broken. So, you wait for me in the sky.

Browns my skin just right

Here’s where I start to get the idea that it is Harry’s issues that have perhaps separated the two of them. Through it all, the person has remained perfect (in Harry’s eyes), someone to look up to who has a wonderful patience and enough love for Harry to ‘wait’ for him. The line ‘browns my skin just right’ is so lovely, because whilst Harry is acknowledging that there were times when their relationship may not have been working, this person’s perfection has never faltered, and they’ve continued to improve Harry’s life and make him happy.

You're so golden (x2)

I'm out of my head

And I know that you're scared

Because hearts get broken

So, I feel like the final lines of each chorus are where people start to get confused with this song. I think – and here’s where I think people might start to disagree with me – that Harry isn’t saying that this Golden figure is scared of their own heart getting broken, but Harry’s. Whilst they continue to be perfect, ‘golden’ in every way possible, they’re afraid for Harry, of what Harry might face as a result of his actions but this song is Harry’s way of saying that it’s okay, I’ll be fine.

I don't wanna be alone (x2)

When it ends, don't wanna let you know

I don't wanna be alone

This part confuses me a little, because when what ends Harry? Going down the lines of the rest of my interpretation, I’m gonna guess that Harry is talking about their relationship. This, to me, is one of the many times across Fine Line where Harry admits his faults a lot more than most other artists do in their songs. He doesn’t want to be apart from this person, so much so that he’d be willing to make it work even if it should truly be over.

But I, I can feel it take a hold (x2)

I can feel you take control (x2)

Of who I am and all I've ever known

Loving you's the antidote

But, it doesn’t really matter, because he’s happy allowing this person to steer the course of the rest of his life. Loving them is the ‘antidote’ to his fears, and he wishes they could see just how wonderful they are so that they’ll stop worrying about him.

Chorus repeated

Bridge

I do find his live lyric changes very interesting here, I’m pretty sure he’s now said all of these at some point ‘I’m hoping someday you’ll open’, ‘I’m hoping someday he’ll open’ and ‘I’m hoping someday I’ll open’. Either way, they all still fit in this interpretation for me. I find it especially interesting that the last lyric change (at the jingle ball) was so recent. I think perhaps this is yet another indication that the turmoil referenced in this song is not yet over.

I know that you're scared

Because I'm so open

These are another two lines that I see talked about a LOT and they are hugely important to my interpretation of this song. I do NOT believe that Harry is saying this person is scared because they can’t be as open as Harry. I believe, again, that he’s saying they’re scared for him. They’re scared of the possible backlash that Harry might face for his openness (if we’re getting personal, perhaps his gender expression, his sexuality, etc.). For me, Harry definitely isn’t saying, I know you’re scared to be as open as me, it’s him saying: I know you’re scared about me being the way that I am, about how it might get me hurt. But I. have. you. And that’s all I could ever need, it’s the antidote to all my fears, and I hope one day you’ll be able to see that you’re the reason I’m able to be this ‘open’.

Overall, I think Golden is Harry’s promise that, for as long as he has the ‘golden’ subject, he’s safe from his heart being ‘broken’.

Watermelon Sugar

I don’t think that Watermelon Sugar has been wrongly interpreted in the past (ie, I do think it can be read as a celebration of the joy found in a sexual relationship). However, I think some lyrics are actually super wholesome, and I read WS as more of a teenage version of Golden.

For example:

Tastes like strawberries

On a summer evenin'

And it sounds just like a song

I want more berries

And that summer feelin'

It's so wonderful and warm

Everything about this first verse just screams adolescence to me? The summer evenings are those in which you played out with your friends until the sun finally went in at 9pm, and the ‘song’ is a beautiful one that you’re listening to for the first time. That’s what the love felt like for him, at first. It was passionate, yes, but also endlessly warm and safe.

Baby you’re the end of June

What do we associate with June here in the UK? Long days of (well I wish it was endless, but at least persistent) sunshine. Here’s where I get my evidence that WS is about the same person as Golden. This person is a ‘summer evening’ personified, they’re his sunshine.

I want your belly

This lyric is just??? The cute little face emoji??? In a lyric??? Like, ‘belly’ isn’t a word I hear adults use very often??? This lyric tells us that Harry longs for that feeling of initial infatuation, the time when all they could think about was being together and getting lost in one another.

Ultimately, I see WS as the Golden prequel. It’s their relationship before either of them faced any hardship, when they were able to be freely and completely ‘washed’ up in one another. The WS days are the days he yearns for when he asks to be ‘[taken] back to the light’ in Golden.

Adore You

Not a huge amount to say about this song. I think it’s worth mentioning that there are many indications that it’s definitely about the same lover as Golden and WS. Harry uses similar weather analogies, this time referring to a ‘rainbow paradise’ instead of the more literal sunshine he refers to in Golden and WS. But it’s the same theme. AY makes it clear that Harry associates this person with everything bright, warm and comfortable, they’re ‘brown skin and lemon over ice’, they’re his summer. This song, however, is more about him begging for them to just let him indulge himself in his love for them.

Lights Up

I don’t have much to say about the whole song that hasn’t already been said but have we talked about this lyric?

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Running through my heart

Because I think it’s important that he accepts darkness in a song and an album that is otherwise so focused on the light. I will be saying this a lot, but Harry has a habit of acknowledging his humanness in his lyrics in a way that I don’t think a lot of artists manage to (think: ‘arrogant son of a bitch’, ‘what am I now?’, ‘I’m selfish so I’m hating it’). This line really does it for me. ‘Lights up’, otherwise, is a non-apology for Harry accepting who he is. But in this line, he seems to acknowledge that it doesn’t matter how much he accepts himself, it doesn’t right the wrongs he’s committed, or dull his imperfections. But Lights Up is him saying ‘I don’t care’.

So earlier, when I said that he’s asking the subject of Golden not to be scared? This is what he’s talking about. He’s asking them not to be scared about the consequences of him stepping into the light because he’s not scared any more; he doesn’t care if his ‘heart gets broken’, because he’s done not being ‘open’, and he’s joining his ‘golden’ person in the light.

Cherry

Cherry is where the album begins to truly delve into the more difficult parts of this relationship, where they perhaps took some time apart.

I was going to do a full lyric analysis of it, but the more I look at it, the more I just think it’s Harry at his absolute pettiest (and if anything that kind of makes me love it more??)

Have we ever discussed how much he sounds like a stroppy child when he says ‘Did you know I still talk to [your friends]?’ or ‘Does he take you walking round his parent’s gallery?’ I can almost picture Harry asking these questions in a high-pitched, whiny voice when he drop some stuff round at an ex’s place. The reason this makes me love him even more is he’s not just admitting to that post-break up stage that we all go through but kind of pretend that we don’t, he actually wrote a whole fucking song about it. He’s admitting that even he isn’t free from getting a bit overly bitter about watching your lover be happy without you. It’s such a lovely way to capture what is otherwise quite an unpleasant feeling, and again, it’s Harry acknowledging his humanness.

Falling

And then, after that initial feeling of utter pettiness and jealousy, comes the dejection, the realisation that you’re not the same person that you were when you were in the relationship as you are now, without them. Cherry and Falling confirm, for me, that whether it’s a break up Harry’s talking about, or just some really serious troubles, this relationship really forced him to look inside himself.

Most of its quite self-explanatory, but there are some particularly heart-breaking lyrics in this song. In the last chorus, when Harry asks ‘What if you’re someone I just want around?’ he perfectly captures that feeling of knowing that right now, your relationship may not be healthy for either party, but, as it’s basically all you know, you just want that well-known comfort. He’s almost begging them here, asking them why his love for them isn’t enough to make it work, even though he knows they need time apart.

Linking it to my interpretation of the rest of the album, I think there’s a real importance in the image of Harry ‘falling’. He told us in ‘lights up’ that he was never coming back down, yet now? He’s ‘falling again’. He hasn’t reached the ground, but he’s in danger of doing so.

Also, I feel the need to talk about the short bridge

I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again

I think the really important thing here is the verb, to need. I don’t think Harry believes there is no chance of repairing the relationship. Instead, I think that he knows there’s a possibility they’ll want one another again, but they’re grown enough to recognise that they can exist apart, they don’t need each other anymore.

Therefore, as gut-wrenching as this song is, I see it as Harry’s acceptance that he might not need this other person in his life to display the confidence he did in Lights Up, but he wants them there, oh so desperately, ultimately bringing us back round to ‘loving you’s the antidote’.

To Be So Lonely

The last of the not-so-happy tracks (well, other than Fine Line but we’ll get on to that). Their relationship is on the up again, but there is a lot of repairing to do.

Again, this song isn’t overly cryptic. But there are some important things to note.

Don’t call me baby again

In ‘Cherry’, he was pleading with them not to use that pet name with another man. Now, he’s pleading with them not to use it on him. I get the sense that he’s finally accepted that they can’t immediately act like nothing's happened, and is willing to try at friendship, but he isn’t quite ready yet himself.

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

Light imagery, again. He’s hoping that now, the subject is able to see him as a better person, perhaps less petty and angry as he was in Cherry and less self-pitying than he was in Falling. Once again, he beautifully displays his flaws in the following line, making it clear that even pop star Harry Styles is guilty of being a jealous little bastard.

And this is it, so I’m sorry

When he enters the chorus after this line, he creates the impression that the chorus is his apology, confirming what he said earlier on in the song (that he’s actually just really bloody bad at apologising). But even considering the moody undertones, this is still an apology. He’s saying that he knows this person had their reasons to spend some time away from him, he knows they both needed it, he just needs a little more time to wallow. It’s the most indulgent song on the album.

I think it’s really important to note that whilst the tone of the song can appear slightly angry, he never once calls the subject out on any of their faults. It’s just as self-deprecating as the rest of the album, and he doesn’t imply that the subject is ever anything but the same person he idolised in Golden, WS or AY. Essentially, TBSL is Harry making it clear that he needs time to be dramatic, even when he knows they’re going to make it.

She

I’ve seen some absolutely wonderful analyses of She, and I share in the sentiment that it is most likely about a journey with gender identity, so I will refrain from rewriting the thoughts of others here.

I do, however, think it’s worth mentioning that back in the Golden analysis, when I referred to the thing that maybe scares the ‘Golden’ figure, and back in the Lights Up analysis, when I said that Harry has found who he is? I definitely believe there’s a link to the journey referenced in She. I think Harry’s journey to self acceptance was something that he had to go through alone, but that didn’t stop it from impacting upon his relationships.

Imo, Sunflower forms the final part of the perfect trio of celebratory songs, alongside Golden and Watermelon Sugar. Golden encompasses the journey, Watermelon Sugar is the beginning and Sunflower comes after the period of separation, as they’re rebuilding their relationship. It’s basically Watermelon Sugar 2.0, the adult version.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

And finally, we're out of the woods!

This time, however, Harry has realised his worth. My not-very-common interpretation of this song is that Harry is the sunflower, not the subject. Why do I think this? Well:

Sunflower (x2), my eyes, want you more than a melody

Like a sunflower turned towards the sun, Harry is stuck pining for this person and longing for their light, ‘more than a melody’. Again, we have multiple links to different songs. The first time they got together (referenced in WS) their love was ‘like a song’. This time, he wants them more than a melody. It’s going to be better, brighter and happier. Alike Golden, this person is as important as the sun, but now Harry, too, is something beautiful. (I know that he always was but he’s realised it now)

Let me inside

Wish I could get to know you

Sunflowers, sometimes, keep it sweet in your memory

Here’s the line that really makes me think Harry is the sunflower, not the subject. In order to be talking about the subject when he uses the word Sunflower, this line would be a switch from speaking directly to the subject, to speaking directly to an audience. I think it’s much simpler than that. If we read the whole song, instead, as simply him speaking only to his subject, then he’s almost asking them to ‘keep it sweet in [their] memory’. Perhaps, this is him showing them that he knows he’s always been this beautiful in their memory, but now he’s aware of it, and wants to ‘get [back] inside’.

I was just tongue-tied

I don't wanna make you feel bad, but I've been trying hard not to talk to you

This just has super innocent energy for me. It’s mega-sweet. He doesn’t want to make them feel bad, he knows he had to learn who he was, and now he’s figured it out he’s just desperate to share it with them.

I couldn't want you any more

Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor

I couldn’t want you anymore tonight.

Wondering headshake, tired eyes are the death of me.

Mouthful of toothpaste, before I got to know you.

I have nothing to say other than these lines are adorably domestic. He’s longing for the warmth and comfort of the love he knows they can share together.

I've got your face, hung up high in the gallery

I love this shade

Again, Harry’s making it clear that he still sees this person as worthy of his ultimate devotion. But this time, the tone is just way simpler than Golden. ‘I love this shade’ suggests to me that he just loves what they are now - he loves to colours that they’ve grown to be, together.

The rest of the song is quite repetitive but there are some stand outs:

Your flowers just died

Plant new seeds in the melody

Yet another lyric that makes me think that Harry is suggesting that he’s the flower and not the subject. He’s changed, been reborn, and now they can plant new seeds together and he’ll grow into something even better. What’s important, really, is that he belongs to the subject, he’s their flower.

And lastly, just,

I’m still tongue tied

Basically, confirmation that this song is about re-infatuation. He was tongue tied in the past, back in the WS days, and he still is now. He’s absolute enamoured with this person, and even now, they have the ability to make him speechless.

Ultimately, Sunflower Vol. 6 is about the feeling of falling in love a second, third, fourth, etc. time over. It’s about rediscovering everything you love about a person, and it brings us out of the rocky part of the album.

Canyon Moon

Finally, they’re back together. Everything is so good this time that whenever he’s around any other couple, he’s thinking of the subject.

There’s not much to say here, other than Harry’s repetitive bridge of multiple ‘I’m going home’ is sooooooo sweet because it’s almost like he’s just sharing with the listeners how he is so elated that he gets to call this person his home again.

Treat People with Kindness

This is probably the only song that doesn’t appear to fit smoothly into my interpretation, but I do think it’s Harry finally acknowledging the outside world, beyond him and the subject. For instance, he doesn’t only use the pronoun ‘I’, but ‘we’ and ‘us’ (If we’re here long enough, they’ll sing a song for us).

Therefore, I don’t really know how else to interpret this other than it being Harry’s request for the world to stop judging everyone and their relationships so harshly. Meaning I can’t, for the life of me, understand a reading in which the relationship that he’s on about isn’t a queer one. But I don’t think I need to get into that...

Fine Line

I’ve already written several in-depth analyses of Fine Line and some of the lyrics that stand out for me (which you can read here), so I’m not going to do it again. However, I think it’s the most beautiful way Harry could have possibly ended the album. It may seem, according to this entire masterpost, that Fine Line wouldn’t make sense as the final song because the overriding tone of the last third of the album is so positive (whilst the song itself is so utterly heart-wrenching).

However, one thing that I think I need to mention here, is that no matter what him and his subject go through and no matter how much Harry endures, this person has remained, without fault, his ‘sunshine’, and Fine Line confirms that for us. Yet, he also acknowledges that the subject is also human, so human that they both have things even they’ll ‘never know’, and his subject has layers upon layers in their being --> spreading you open, is the only way of knowing you

Ultimately, Fine Line (the song) confirms, for me, that this entire album is focused on someone that Harry has found a true soulmate in, his ‘sunshine’, but someone who he is in reachable distance of, who he can join in the ‘light’. And together, they’ll get through whatever the world throws at them. In a way, Fine Line almost completes a perfect circle, bringing us back around to Golden, ready to start the album again. The journey explored in the album is both Harry’s romance with the subject and his own journey to self acceptance, which are closely intertwined (revealed immediately in Golden). When we reach the final song, he’s accepted himself, but he knows that he and his partner are going to face more difficulties. Their fight isn’t over. But, with his overwhelming love for the person...

together, ‘[they’ll] be alright.’

#So #this took me a while lol #But it's a summary of some thoughts that have been swimming round my head for a while #I don't think I've seen some of these interpretations before?#Especially not of Golden and Sunflower #Anyway if anyone wants to discuss anything further pls pop me a message because I could talk on Harry's lyrics for days.#Walls analysis will follow shortly #Also anon #I know you wanted me to look at the parrallels in the Walls and Lights Up music videos so I will aim to include that in the next one #Anyways love to y'all and enjoy reading #Fine Line masterpost #Fine Line lyrics #Golden lyrics #watermelon sugar lyrics #lights up lyrics #adore you lyrics #cherry lyrics #falling lyrics #to be so lonely lyrics #she lyrics #sunflower vol 6 lyrics #canyon moon lyrics #treat people with kindness lyrics #harry styles #harry styles lyrics #hs #larry stylinson #lourry #lyrics analysis #harry styles lyrics analysis

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x0401x · 4 years

Note

People keep talking about a hotel scene that was skipped from episode 12, can you tell me what was this scene?

OH, BOY. HERE WE GO.

That scene is one of the best ones between Richard and Seigi and one of my favorite highlights of their relationship because there’s a huge display of trust and love between them in it. But there’s actually a lot to unpack, so for context, I’m going to explain some extra stuff too. As far as I know, though, there’s someone on Twitter who has made a summary of each volume, so they might be more useful for this. I’m not the best person to judge since I haven’t read those summaries, but I saw that the threads were lengthy, so I guess they must be detailed. The link to their Twitter is in my Richard tag!

Warning: this is gonna be long.

All right, starting from the moment Seigi tells Richard he wants to quit. Part of it is because he wants to shield Richard from whatever Hisashi might do if he finds out Seigi works for a filthy-rich foreigner who definitely pays well and treats him to expensive dinners every week. But most of it is because Hisashi brings out a lot of ugliness in Seigi (take almost stabbing Hisashi as an example), and he doesn’t want Richard to see it and be disappointed.

Just like in the anime, Richard accepts it rather easily and invites Seigi for one last dinner together. Seigi complies, because he’s not just planning to quit Etranger; he’s also planning to cut his ties with Richard so that Hisashi won’t go after him, so this is the last time they’ll hang out with each other. He promises himself he’ll make it the best night they’ve ever had, since it’s going to be the last, and honestly, the fact that he doesn’t think there’s anything ambiguous in this thought process says so much about how he is in canon. Meanwhile, just imagining never seeing Richard again is enough to make Seigi almost cry several times.

They go to a high-class hotel for dinner this time. Afterward, they go to the hotel’s bar, and at some point, Richard simply drops this bomb on Seigi’s lap and pulls a cardkey from his pocket while they’re drinking and eating:

“This is so good it feels like a waste…”“I think so too.”“Hm?”“I don’t want to...”“Did you say anything?”“I don’t want to let you go home.”

Seigi actually fucking looks around and asks Richard if that was meant for him.

“Is there anyone else around?”“No.”“Then I would assume it was for you.”“I see.”“Right.”

Harold, they’re in love and also fucking dumbasses. This scene is mad levels of latine telenovela bullshit, except it’s also dumb and awkward 2000′s love comedy bullshit at the same time. I love it. Anyway, since Seigi had already committed to make the best out of this night, he didn’t consider saying no to Richard as an option, so he just asks “what floor”. Boy. Son. Child. When they get to said floor, Richard gives Seigi the key and has him open the door.

Now in comes the scene that everyone was probably talking about. Yes, it does get worse than this. And yes, this scene is pretty long.

Not to transform all this built-up tension into a huge deception, but when they get into the room, Jeff is there waiting for them. It wouldn’t be Jeff with a really goofy introduction, but Seigi is so surprised he almost runs the fuck away, except Richard stops him, brings him back into the room and makes him sit down. Jeff then reminds Seigi that he’d been investigating (okay, he says “legally stalking”) Seigi for a long time and sort of reveals that he obviously knew about the problem dad. He was also the one who told Richard about the whole thing, and I gotta add that it was quite a punch in the gut for him. That’s where Seigi gets indignant at the invasion, and also where Richard tells him “you did not tell me anything either before coming to London”. Get rekt.

Then Richard starts trying to convince Seigi to open up by monologuing about how Seigi is like a distorted mirror to him, as in that they’re opposites but also the same. He grew up hating mirrors because they would make him realize how keenly he resembled his mother, but that wasn’t the case with Seigi. Both of them had lived very different lives, but they basically held the same values to heart. Just like how Seigi went after Richard to help with his family issues, Richard is doing it for Seigi, and now they’re again in a hotel room with one of them talking about how much he likes the other. That’s when Richard dumps the “I like you so, so much that I cannot help myself” line, which the anime thankfully kept. And then he literally goes into “how dare you do not lean on me for help when I’m more than capable of giving it” mode and throws in a “what am I to you”, ‘cause we readers deserve to die. Meanwhile, Jeff leaves the room for a bit.

Seigi still doesn’t want to talk things out because he might’ve been more influenced by his father than Richard could ever know, and he doesn’t want to “taint” Richard with his matters because he deems them as dirty, but in the end, he gives in. Turns out he looked up stuff on abuse because of his family circumstances, and one book mentioned what we all know: boys who witness abuse have more chances of incorporating it and becoming abusers when they grow up. He gives the way he tried to break Richard’s family inheritance as an example of possible tendency to be violent. He also says that his mother probably got him into karate because he had the habit of kicking walls, which got so bad that he opened a hole into one when he was a kid. Basically, he had an understandable amount of pent-up frustration and practiced karate to let it out. It was also to make him realize how much hitting and being hit hurts.

He goes on to say that all he wants is to be seen as a good person in the eyes of who he likes and then off himself into oblivion, because he fears that the other party will realize what kind of person he really is if he stays too close to them for too long. He adds that he’s scared of finding someone that corresponds to his affections, as he’s pretty sure that he’d abuse them. I can’t stress enough how contradictory this feels when we consider his feelings for Shouko, because he tried really hard to be her romantic partner. It’s one of the things that have me pondering if those feelings really weren’t just a glorified friendship, like I’ve mentioned before, and if the one he truly likes isn’t actually Richard. I mean, he keeps telling himself over and over in every single volume that what he feels for Richard “isn’t like that”, as if he’s trying to find excuses not to be romantically involved with Richard despite showing more affection for him than for any other character. Sum that up with the fact he doesn’t want Richard to see the bad in him and it all kinda makes sense.

Richard at some point says that Seigi is doing nothing but hold prejudice against himself and therefore he’s also prejudiced against all other children who are or have been in the same situation as him. He argues that someone who can’t be kind to himself also can’t be truly kind to other people. He then adds that he finally gets why Seigi sees him as immutably beautiful. He doesn’t become used to Richard’s beauty, no matter how long he’s been looking at it, because he always sees Richard from a distance. He doesn’t deem Richard as reachable and refuses to get closer to him, in spite of claiming that he wanted to be closer. He won’t diminish the gap between them and he won’t let Richard reciprocate his affections (again, this brings me back to his feelings for Shouko and how Seigi would probably let her do that).

Richard also tells Seigi about how he hit Jeff back when Jeff betrayed him, and Seigi thinks that’s only the expected. So he begins to wonder if he wasn’t just thinking that this “expected” didn’t apply to himself. He finally begins to conclude that maybe he was just looking down on himself and by default also looking down on people who went through the same as him. Richard then says Seigi should ask for help when things come to this, not only from him but also from other people. All of this seems pretty harsh but Richard was being very gentle while saying it, and he kneeled down next to the chair in the process. It makes Seigi think that they look just like an adult comforting a child, and he starts crying for the billionth time in this volume.

Seigi’s phone then starts ringing, and Richard tells him to answer. It’s Hisashi, saying he’s near Seigi’s apartment. He asks Seigi to come over, by himself. The scene ends with him accepting to go, but as we know, he doesn’t go alone, just like in the anime. Except, in the novel, Jeff jokes before they leave that Richard might look slender and all, but he actually had muscles under his clothes, meaning he was up for a fight if the worst happened. This totally doesn’t sound like Jeff was trying to make Seigi imagine Things. Not at all.

By the way, a bonus: while Richard and Seigi are in the car going to Seigi’s apartment complex, Richard asks how Seigi could’ve been so innocent to agree to that invitation for going to a hotel room with him. He had actually expected Seigi to say no and had thought of a lie to convince him. Seigi says he’d have tried to flee if it were anyone else, but he trusted Richard.

Sorry for taking so long to answer this, but here you have it! As you can see, it’s an awesome scene.

#housekishou richard shi no nazo kantei #the case files of jeweler richard #richard #richard ranashinha de vulpian #nakata seigi #jeffrey claremont

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gilded-green · 3 years

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Eeeeeeee!!! Congrats on ten years!! I am having FEELINGS about this! All of your OCs are my favourites and I am so grateful for Stingrae’s support. I would commit CRIMES for a rewrite of GG, but mostly I want to know whether you have any favourite things you want to share? <3 <3 <3

Thank you Polly!!!! <3<3<3

We all owe Stingrae so much I stg.

I would also probably commit crimes for a rewrite of GG but frankly that’d still involve me having to WRITE it so idk if it’d help. XD

Oh jeez MY favorite things??? Uhhhh okay let’s see...

The fact that I am STILL loving this story and very devoted to it even after years, many of which were just radio silence. I knew that I was the slow and steady type, but it’s nice to have confirmation. XD

The fact that when I started writing this fic I was younger than Lu Ten is at the beginning, and now I am older than he’ll be at the end. Jk that’s not a favorite thing it’s just a pathetically hilarious thing forgive me lol. XD

I think I was one of the first people to say “actually Lu Ten would kind of be an imperialist jerk” long before I knew the term “imperialist”

ALL THE HISTORY AND CULTURAL THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM RESEARCHING FOR MY FICS. I learned a lot of history as a kid but good curriculums on Chinese history just didn’t EXIST back then, or at least didn’t exist in the homeschooling catalogs my mother was able to access, so it’s really nice to have a hobby that also helps me learn stuff.

Huang and Wu Sheng. I love them so much and I’m very proud of them and how they always catch new readers’ attention because they are NOT what you’d expect of Dai Li agents. I can’t wait to expand upon them and their backstories in upcoming fics.

Shirong, and how people can’t decide if they love him or hate him or relate to him or all of them at once. XD

The fact that, ten years later, people have FINALLY STOPPED ASKING ME if I took Shirong from a certain other fic, because the idea of different writers looking at the same baby name lists is a foreign concept :P

Literally everything about the Preservation Branch, I’m so proud of my dumb museum guards

The fact that it’s been so long since I first wrote GG and I’ve written so much other stuff since then that a lot of things people REALLY wanted elaboration on back in the day (Enlai, Huang and Wu Sheng) have kinda fallen to the wayside. I get a lot more questions about Nanyue and the Dai family now. The passage of time sure is funny!

Just the fact that I was actually able to write Gilded Green at all. Like. It’s hard to explain. But I had to grow into my writing. Or my writing style, or approach to writing...idk what to call it. But this thing I do? With the worldubilding? And the OCs? And just the careful web of....stuff? I always wanted to do that, even as a kid, I grew up on massive stories like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings with crazy worldbuilding backgrounds and deep meanings and elaborate politics and I could not figure out how to tell stories like that myself. I remember being 12 years old staring at a bunch of concepts for an original fantasy idea I had and realizing that I had no idea how to make them work because I was too young to understand how the world worked. I remember deciding to shelve that whole story because I realized I didn’t even know what I didn’t know. Tolkien and Star Wars didn’t really explain how the worldbuilding happened, it was just THERE and I couldn’t figure out how to make it appear for myself, it wasn’t exactly easy for a child to figure out. Sometimes I envy kids these days who’re growing up with, like, Elena of Avalor, that show lays out some FANTASTIC political responsibility concepts in ways kids can understand, I could’ve used that as a kid. I was also crap at understanding how people actually interact with each other and just....had all these issues with figuring out how to make a story work, not at the writing level, but on a my-understanding-of-the-universe level, which was kinda humbling and also kinda scary. And some of that was youth, and some of that was undiagnosed ADD making it so that I just didn’t Get Things, but either way when I tentatively started writing GG and realized that wait, I think it’s making sense, and the characters are interacting and it’s not weird, and I think I’m GETTING it, omg, AM I GETTING IT??? That was a great feeling, even if it did feel like I was balancing on a tightrope.

ALSO the way in which you can KINDA track me slowly going from raised-in-a-conservative-Christian-environment to WELP-I’m-queer-and-pretty-progressive-now over the course of my writing, tho that may be hard to see if you don’t know what you’re looking at. I can see it tho, lol. I was fortunate in that my upbringing was just kinda incidental because my mother was too tired to consider any other approach to life, and as time went on my family all actually grew into very different, much better people. I was kind of the trailblazer in that regard tho (not fun) and frankly it was fanfiction that helped me get over my queerphobia and internalized misogyny, and it was the racebending protests that cropped up around The Movie That Shall Not Be Named that made me start to realize how racism actually worked and what cultural misappropriation was. If you squint you MIGHT be able to make out where in my stories I started getting excited over my newfound beliefs and started frantically shaking more sexualities over my characters like “I have GOT to de-heteronormative-ize this” XD But yeah this fic has been a big part of my life and you can see me changing as a person if you know where to look.

MY OCs. The fact that my OCs win people over so well! I had a very volatile relationship with OCs in my youth - self-inserts were A Thing Of The Devil in fandom back then and were to be mocked. I was, I’m semi-sorry to say, part of that crowd - never flamed anyone directly, because I was raised to Not Be Mean, but I joined in on the mocking on private message boards. These days I look back on my youthful indiscretions with eye-rolling fondness, because I can now see how much internalized misogyny I was dealing with and I’m very much over the whole idea of Mary-Sues. But the community I was with did actually have a lot of GOOD writing advice as well, and it was a fun group of people, so I can’t fully regret my time there. When fandom drift eventually caused me to float away, I took those lessons on what made an OC annoying and useless with me, and when I started writing OCs of my own, I made sure to go in the opposite direction. It really seems to have paid off!

The fact that I’ve managed to collect a small but loyal following and see the same names popping up after I post something. I don’t think I could handle being a BNF, but knowing that I’ve got a dozen people who consistently read and enjoy my stuff? That’s so cool. <3

There’s a LOT of other stuff, really, but off the top of my head...here you go! <3

#GG tumblr escapades #GG 10th anniversary #caelum rambles

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goblinconceivable · 4 years

Text

All The Feels

Random bulletpoints of Annie/Jeff analysis because I am overcome with shippiness. :D Also more like bullet-lengthy-paragraphs. You tried, self, you tried.

Pascal’s Triangle (PT) is not a love triangle.

Sure, look at the top two rows and you’ve got a binary split, ie, choice between two women. But PT is row based, your current row based on the one above. It’s complex. Look below the binary surface of choice to row 3, where it actually becomes PT, where the complexity begins (and Community is about complexity.) 1, 2, 1, a total of 4. The 2 is the merging of the two 1s from row two - Ie, two women who get lumped together. And beyond them is a 1 that springs out of nowhere - Annie. Surprise!

Kiss at the end of S1

Jeff’s major deal is being afraid of expressing caring/vulnerability, while desperately craving/needing it. Britta and Slater were both saying they loved him, and he does want to take that, but runs scared because they are challenging him to admit his feelings in public, which no one who really knows and cares about him would do. His scene with Annie is private. And she isn’t asking him FOR anything, she’s just asking what’s up, because she cares about the answer. He feels safe, he opens up, it’s intimacy, which is both giving and taking. Notably he admits he’s glad she’s staying after his share, this is him saying he cares about her too.

His explanation of the situation is a perceived choice between being the New Year’s guy (who he wants to be) and the Three Weeks Later guy (who he is.) But the thing about New Year’s is the initial momentum always fades, and you have to put in the work, which Slater doesn’t help him with. And he WON’T be able to sustain it on is own. The guy he IS isn’t who he wants to be, it’s just giving up, rather than striving, even if imperfectly, to reach those goals. Annie falls into the sweet spot: she understands what his default is, but shows him that he CAN be the man he wants to be, shows him what those steps ARE, encourages him to take the steps to be that person, and rewards him when he succeeds. Which he does, with her behind him.

And she kisses him first. Which is an offering similar to Britta and Slater’s public announcements, but through action, not words. Jeff uses words as shield and weapon, as did the other two. Bypassing this essentially shortcircuits his brain. His brain will warp and analyze and question, but she kisses him gently, an invitation not a demand. He’s already put aside his sword and shield during their talk, and doesn’t feel the need to pick them up because he feels safe and cared for and is okay accepting and reciprocating that.

Play

Jeff is all adult and aloof and beyond such petty childish pursuits such as play, which is the scoffed at domain of Annie/Troy/Abed. But he actually really wants it. It likely stems in part from his loss of a proper childhood, but it’s also just who he is. Imagination isn’t just for the young, the loss of the ability to play is an oft-bemoaned feature of adulthood, one the learned remind us we ought recapture. (And a joy of parenthood is getting to do that through your children.) But look, he literally was playacting being a lawyer. It’s how he engages with the world. He just justified that as a means to an end and did it for power and profit, rather than for enjoyment.

We see this, I argue, when responding to Annie’s playacting they were married. Annie anticipates a bad reaction, but he doesn’t give one. No judgment. He then establishes it’s not a deeper issue (”do I have to worry about this” ie, is this real/insanity). When he says “I can tell you one thing your fantasy got wrong...” he’s not challenging her, or even taking offense, and while he’s not entering into her fantasy world (which is over anyway), he’s offering fodder. He’s involving himself in the narrative process for her benefit. And in the couched language of daydream he’s reassuring her -if- it was true, he would be devoted. IF is a super important word in play, because you don’t have to believe, for example, you ARE a pirate. You just need to act as IF you were a pirate.

Also cute, I take as justified fanon the deleted scene where he orders her appletini. He was whining to her about it but it was relaxed because they both know he’d do it anyway. And when the bartender turns out to be a believer in Annie’s created fantasy world, Jeff stops himself from correcting him and destroying the world. Instead, he lets it persist just far enough to let himself glance at Annie as if it was true, and in that moment he sees her through the eyes of fantasy, and sees a beautiful woman, rather than all the complexity of their relationship.

Then there’s basically all the giant Greendale instances of play. Which one way or the other, he gets roped into and ends up jumping into with abandon. (Paintball, lava etc.) And they’re often paired, because he enjoys playing with her, and the “if this” acts as license for them to explore their compatibility. And their capers, when they pair up in the “real world”, is really just a sophisticated form of play. As brought up pointedly when they were searching for the ASB, there’s a dual nature here. They aren’t just buddies, like Troy and Abed, who are also very fantasy oriented (cardboard submarine!). There’s a level of daydream beneath the fantasy world where they can set aside the complexities of their relationship, and say “if we’re solving this crime, then we can live in this bubble and just be together.”

I also really love the whole Professor Professorson episode because of course the layers are just so intricate and delightful when they unfold. He tackles her which was total overreaction, he’s in a heightened world and committed to it. They plot out this crazy intricate play to teach the Dean a lesson together, where they involve real emotions. Many of which are Annie’s, but that means they’re creating a world in which it is safe to amplify her feelings which they are both aware of but are usually repressed, especially by Jeff. And he praises her for that later (she went off book and deceived like a master) rather than being uncomfortable. They exit play safely because they trust each other while playing and can leave that permissive world as an if. And it ends with the blanket fort collapsing and cocooning them. It is a play space literally being broken, begging the question of how much impact our play can have on our real selves.

Season 6

So basically I think I missed fandom the first time around and just binged on meta and there’s (fanon?) that Jeff spent the season looking for her attention, but Annie had pulled back? I zipped through a bunch of scenes they were in together, and heartily agree. Also I think I went a little nutty but What I see:

Annie doesn’t ignore him or anything, but where she might have previously inserted herself in his life, she starts to let him fend for himself while she diverts her attention to other relationships, and treats him more like she does the others. I don’t think she really does anything like taking his class so she can evaluate his teaching and bludgeon him into being better? But when they’re in a situation, like City College’s ad, she stands up to him as normal, challenging him to be better and do the right thing, as she always has. Rewards him with approval when he does, and his whispered “thank you” is the cutest thing ever because it’s an intimate choice in a rather boisterous exchange.

Meanwhile Jeff does seem to spend a lot of time and energy trying to get back to a place where he’s first in her eyes. There are a lot of shots in S6 a the Table and group scenes that involve him looking at her disproportionately, first, last, or only when speaking, esp when they’re all at the table. When I went back and tried to do the same to S5 those scenes are set up a bit differently and I saw less of it but I think there’s just fewer group scenes in general though?. In S6, he often ends a comment directed at the group (non table) by looking at Annie, indicating he wants her response, and thus her attention and engagement. And often, she is the next person to speak. Which is her personality as a leader, which supports the idea that while he’s seeking her out, she isn’t necessarily responding to that but just being her.

Finale

I’ve sort of run myself dry thinking through other things. And great analysis is plentiful and most recent. So not even bullet points just ramble But:

Oh3, so when Garrett proposed and Abed noted Jeff had a funny look, he’s been daydreaming marrying Annie for that lone plus longer? That took me a long time to put together as an actual literal thing.

Oh2, it’s all canon that he has issues with prolonged eye contact because he doesn’t want people to see him broken and he doesn’t break eye contact through any of this. He knows she knows he’s broken already and is quietly fine with her seeing everything and this is a moment for *sobs*

Oh wait hey, so callback to that bit where she’s like “your words don’t mean anything” and he’s like “That’s what conversation is, people saying things to get stuff.” Because he’s 100% not trying to get anything by telling her he’s let her go. And he means a lot by saying it. And if he said “I love you” there’s an implied sense of obligation to say it back and since he means romantically he can’t do that. So this is just him letting her know, no pressure, no expectation, that he loves her and has loved her but it’s okay because she’s free and he wants her to be free because he loves her. And he means it so hard when she says “kiss me goodbye” he’s all “you don’t owe me anything.”

But she does love him too, except she knows she’s in a different place emotionally and professionally. And it’s sweet and a gift because she doesn’t make this about her but about him and his feelings. So she preempts his regrets because she knows he WON’T kiss her goodbye unless she invites him to. There’s something I’m reaching for and can’t find here. She doesn’t admit to anything because there’s no point? It would just hurt him either way? Sharing her feelings through action rather than words?

And so much squee thinking how far everyone’s come for this scene to be a thing which could happen.

Callback to Annie’s marriage fantasy when Jeff has his own. Hers was external, by her personality (esp at the time of her maturation) and thus public and psychologically working out a reasonable feeling of abandonment as she gave their fictional selves marital difficulties. His is very internal, and occurs after Abed, always so reliable as a gateway to fantasy, turns the tables on him. He’s experiencing reasonable feelings of abandonment, and while he runs, it’s to a safe space of “what if,” a coping mechanism he has learned, and which allows for working out of psychological issues.

It’s dual: in that the larger issue is his need for a sense of stability. Though he’s staring at the table the scene doesn’t involve Greendale at all, he already had that fantasy. This is about wanting a life outside of the safe zone of the college. And while he suggests a dog as an option he imagined a kid because having one represents stability for him - it was his father who left, and he won’t leave. If there’s a kid, this is a life, Annie can’t leave. But he offers her imaginary self complete editing powers, because all he really wants is to be able to love and be loved. It’s indulgence, a desperate grasp at balm because while he let her go, he can’t let her -go.- He was okay with being close friends, they do love each other as friends. See his pitch. But faced with losing that, he’s stripped bare. He indulges in his supressed hearts desire and is faced with the reality of what he already knows: it’s not in the cards.

And he’s stripped down to insecurities that aren’t limited to Annie. It’s cute how they jive over Marvel, though it’s weird to me and takes up more time and weird dramatic looking around that doesn’t feel playful enough to be justified. The tone of their voices is too serious, it’s a mismatch. I like how he admits the huge thing that he let her go as far as he has control, and suddenly a time pressure is on their alone time. Everything is immediate right now, everything happening fast. I wonder what Annie would have said if not for the text. But that’s the thing, it’s the wrong time for them and this is a goodbye. It’s too late but just under the wire all at once.

In this chapter at least. In the safety of the group Annie brings up a season 7, which we all know could happen years down the line. Would have been more fitting if she said movie though. Still, he takes that as the comfort in which it was intended.

WTF with his all coed season 7? Yes, we cut to it so it totally isn’t happening, but has he put his issues to rest and is just fantasizing crap or what? It makes no sense to me.

I love that he not only puts her first after she invites him to kiss her goodbye by asking “what about you,” but is -asking for consent.- He doesn’t even move towards her until he gets it, he’s literally just standing back. What’s up with the penis thing? Meta reference to shortcut arguments that it’s not true love but lust? Is it Jeff acknowledging his own cynicism and how he’s dropped it? Since he’s so clearly not in a lust mode here. Is he adding a tiny bit of his usual pointed add ins to his speeches?

I guess it’s like... this is one of his speeches, but it feels out of place because of his delivery? Which is beautifully subdued and resigned and honest and just defeated, but defeated in the sense that he defeated all the barriers he still keeps around himself.

and goodbye hug and kiss at the airport.

#community #jeff x annie #meta

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

Text

mtmte liveblog issue 28

catch me completely ignoring dark cybertron lmao

yeahhhh so I'm just gonna skip dark cybertron bc no thanks. I did read the tf wiki articles for the issues tho, which is more than I did in the past, so at least now I kinda know what happened, though I had to suffer thru reading about dark cybertron to learn stuff about it. yikes. reading ABOUT dark cybertron further enforced my decision to not actually read thru it

anyways. the best part of dark cybertron was when chromedome threw prowl off that cliff. that was baller lmfao

a 1 page recap of dark cybertron is about all I can handle. thank you

ooh, the 6 months later smash-cut, I fucking love itttt

nautica’s here!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy I love her. also brainstorm, and I love their friendship sm

hvbjdkhfbshdfj god I love them. they have such a fun dynamic

everyone eavesdropping on a therapy session vhbhdjkhafbhkjsdf. hipaa laws mean nothing as usual

the casual reveal of captain megatron, oh god

the title fucking slaps, as usual. this is one of my favorites - ‘world, shut your mouth.’ great stuff, and a song title/reference to boot! and this being part 1: towards peace...chefs kiss

and then we flash back to 6 months earlier...yknow now that I'm rereading this, mtmte has a LOT of framing devices used - there's story-within-a-story, flashback/flash-forwards, storytelling with narration, etc...I love it

god hbvhjakdfbshjkdf rodimus saying ‘magic’ and then the little *magic = science rodimus doesn't understand HBGKJHSDBFKHJSDF my idiot boy ily

rodimus roasting prowl is my fav hbfjdkafshsbjkf ‘maybe the knights can help us find a cure for your personality’ ily sm

and then prowl agreeing w/rodimus a few panels later about megatron’s guilt...

optimus...don't you think that making yourself chief of justice is...maybe a bad idea...like, maybe there's a conflict of interests here...just a little bit of bias...a bit too much history, perhaps...

the fact that all the big roles in the trial were given to high-ranking autobots who were heavily involved in the war...I see that cybertrons justice system is as much of a farce as their medical ethics and patient confidentiality laws

the ‘you BROKE the MATRIX’ panel is so good bjhkdhfbajskhdf

rodimus: LISTEN dad I just wanna resume my space cruise with my frat bro ship I have no interest in politics

psychiatrists HATE him! local former warlord refuses to recognize the validity of psychological analyzation of people’s actions

ravage casually breaking hipaa laws and chilling in megatron’s therapy session like >:3

I love rung...he’s so good at like, passive-aggressively cutting right to the heart of someone’s issues, and he’s so generally mild that you can’t even really get mad at him

the sudden inclusion of megatron as a major character in mtmte is kinda jarring at first - mostly, for me at least, due in part because I didn't read dark cybertron so this is like, megatron’s introduction as a relevant character in general - but I feel like jro does a great job laying a lot of intrigue down from the very beginning w/his character - like, I already want to know more about what his whole deal is, even though we have, ostensibly, seen pretty much all of his story play out already

rung name-dropping froid...i remember that made me lose my shit bc cmon. FROID....jesus christ

rung and megatron: holy shit! we’re suddenly being drawn in a 90s-esque sci-fi tron-looking retro-futuristic style!

interesting that megatron sought rung out, and not the other way around

RIPTIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my favorite sharkboy is HERE

CREWDITIONS...YES....

‘we’re not allowed to take anyone who might remind rodimus of prowl’ vhbhjdkshfbhaskfd brutal

I love nautica so so much. a perfect autistic scientist after my own heart

I adore that nautica brought chromia along for moral support

hgvbjdakhfbhsj and then swerve saying that rodimus hates ‘trisyllabic names’ and nautica is like....but....‘rodimus’.....

and then nightbeat busts in to get all bbc sherlock on they asses hgbfhjadkfbjaskdf

WHY was perceptor at the crewditions if he was already part of the crew lmao

ooof, and then we have megatron flipping out when chromedome, a mnemosurgeon, shows up

also damn the autobots were rlly like okay so we wanna speed this trial up so lets just like, probe megatrons brain, that seems completely ethical, especially when you consider the history of shadowplay and stuff that our previous government had

I know important stuff is happening but megatron is holding a CUBE and I love CUBES so I'm distracted by that. C U B E

and then right after a scene where we see chromedome willing to perform mnemosurgery again - despite rewind’s like, dying wish for him not to - we hear that he’s been locked up in his room rewatching rewinds goodbye message over and over again :( I'm fucking depressed

I love nightbeat, he’s so funny and kind of an asshole

and then you see more missing letters behind them next panel...clearly nightbeat is right and there’s a mystery afoot...OR somebody is fucking with the ship’s lettering as a prank, which is a plot point I would absolutely buy

yeahhhh skids is right, chromedome is clearly Not dealing

the dramatic graffiti on megatrons door...I wanna know who spray-painted ‘die’ everywhere like they're reaper overwatch

oh god. whirl vs megatron

really cool red lighting tho

GOD its so brutal, all the stuff megatron said about how he told the cons not to kill whirl...and doesn't that end up being false anyways? so he was just saying it to dig at whirl, which is awful

also I'm never over the fact that literally everyone - including megatron and whirl - blames whirl for ‘turning megatron violent,’ as if the entire Point isn't that whirl was a tool for a corrupt system, and if it wasn't whirl it would've just been someone else, and megatron turning away from pacifism was inevitable given the circumstances, AND also a choice on his part, so he really only has himself to blame for his OWN ACTIONS

bye bye whirls right arm, see you in lost light

‘people never stop changing’ that IS something I say all the time...damn you warlord grandpa! how can you steal my philosophies?!

ohhh man and then rewind’s goodbye message being different....oooh

AUGH the fact that whirl was basically trying to goad megatron into killing him, just like he did in issue 1 w/cyclonus...It Hurts Man

also I do love the hint at who he’s talking to w/whirl shooting megatron with the bow and arrow earlier, and we know that atomizer is a fan of those

ok, but here’s where my philosophy diverges - megatron talks about throwing away his past and starting new, but I think that you have to learn from and build on your past...either way, megatron’s arc is one that I enjoy greatly from a character writing standpoint, and I'm excited to get it underway, especially w/how controversial it is lmao

big ole double-page spread...I like how you can pick out individual characters in the background crowd, which is crazy cause that's a LOT of people. also how come cosmos is so HUGE

phewwww 4.6 billion cybertronians died in the war, that’s INSANE. that's like, an incomprehensibly huge number. is there an estimate for their current population? I bet its not a lot. no wonder jro leaned into reproductive themes so much in mtmte/ll - of course the continuation of your species would be a concern for many if your numbers have been that greatly reduced

optimus w/his fancy tyrest-lookin crown

oughdajbfsbdf and the fact that megatron ALSO murdered 100 BILLION non-cybertronians...bruh. I feel like they maybe should've dialed those numbers back a little to allow his ‘redemption arc’ to run a little smoother lmao. but also I admire the commitment either way

and then we end w/megatron doing captain stuff, and seeing The Coffin...and we never did see rodimus in any of the flash-forward parts of this issue, did we???? I love how concerning that is. where's my BOY

also of course we gotta remember the warning from way back at the beginning of mtmte: ‘don't open the coffin’....

and so begins mtmte s2! man I love s2. I love mtmte in general lmao. s2 takes on the impossible w/the whole ‘megatron redemption arc’ thing, and I know that’s like, a divisive plot point and stuff, but from a writing standpoint I enjoyed it a lot...I think it was pretty much as well done as it could've been given the enormity of the task, and I thought it was a really interesting direction for the story to go in

also espec if it’s true that hasbro was like ‘hey jro put megatron in your story and give him a redemption arc’ rather than jro like, planning/asking to do it

anyways. I doubt ill talk much abt the disc horse(tm) here bc this is just for fun and also my own personal opinions and whatever, but I for one am excited to reexperience this stuff

so yeah s2 off to a strong start with some wild shit already happening! cant wait to read more!

#lj rereads mtmte

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makeste · 4 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 259: Jakku General Hospital

Previously on BnHA: We chilled with Hawks and Twice, who filled us in on the various different facets of Pliff’s plan to fuck over the world. For starters there are like a dozen new bad guys who are each heading different Pliff regiments, just in case anyone forgot that this is a literal army we’re dealing with here. Hawks also reminded us of the fact that Twice can clone basically any one of the bad guys as many times as he wants now, so that’s a nicely terrifying thought to sit and mull over. We learned that once Tomura is done powering up, the villains intend to attack all over the country simultaneously and basically destroy society as we know it. Oh and also kill all the heroes of course. But I think we already knew that. Anyway, so the one bright side in all of this is that Twice naively let it slip to Hawks where Tomura was currently undergoing his Frankenstein procedure. And so the chapter ended with basically all of the heroes in Japan launching a surprise attack in the mountains of Kyoto, while the kids waited on standby to help with the evacuations. And I know that doesn’t sound very safe, but... well... shit.

Today on BnHA: A quiet morning in the Kyoto suburb of Jakku. All is peaceful -- or so it seems. Little does the elderly CEO of Jakku General Hospital (a stand-up citizen, philanthropist, and caretaker of orphans all across the country) know that lying in wait just outside his doors is a group of wicked and immoral HEROES ready to -- okay lol you know what, I can’t. Not sure what I was really going for there anyway. So! Meanwhile in the woods outside the ol’ villain hotel, a second group of heroes led by Edgeshot and featuring several child heroes in training, including KAMINARI WHO WAS LITERALLY JUST BORN YESTERDAY AND SHOULD BE AT HOME IN HIS NURSERY WATCHING PAW PATROL AND NOT OUT HERE IN THE WOODS WHERE HE IS IN TERRIBLE DANGER, is gathered and ready to attack the League’s main forces. So things kick off with Death Arms apprehending the traitorous Slidin’ Go, while elsewhere the heroes bust into Jakku General Hospital to capture Ujiko. Show of hands, who here thinks this is going to go smoothly? ...Yep. Yeah. That’s what I thought.

okay guys, before we get started I’m gonna answer a couple of relevant asks from last week. first:

I’m almost hesitant to talk about this, because I’m paranoid that Viz and co. could pounce on these sites again at any moment, and so I feel like this sort of thing is better left to private messages and discord servers. but I guess one little mention of it won’t hurt. so the site currently doing the scanlations is readheroacademia.com, which has been around for a while. and there are several other sites which also host the new chapters and have all of the old chapters archived as well. kissmanga is a big one which I know a lot of people use, but my personal favorite is readmha.com (idk, I just feel like its layout is... cleaner? if that makes any sense)

also do keep in mind that all of these sites are pretty ad-heavy, so I wouldn’t recommend visiting without a good adblocker at the ready (I generally use Chrome on both desktop and mobile, and have uBlock Origin and Disable HTML5 Autoplay enabled on my desktop browser). that being said, I’ve never had any issues myself

good question! I was actually thinking about doing a weekly follow-up post on Sundays after the official Viz translation comes out, but obviously I did not end up doing that last week lol. so now I’m thinking it might be easier for me to just post any subsequent thoughts/remarks in the following week’s chapter recap, since I’m already committed to doing those anyway and so it makes it harder to flake out

so that said, my one follow-up thought about chapter 258 is that the fan scanlation seems to have mistranslated that whole “AFO’s resurgence” part. in Viz’s version Hawks was instead saying that the PLF’s plans would “throw the world into chaos and enthrone Shigaraki atop the rubble.” and he then referred to Tomura as the second coming of All for One. sooooo, pretty much exactly the opposite of the other translation lol. this is a big blow to my continued effort to search for evidence that AFO is gonna come back and be the final villain, but I am still not deterred. we will continue to fight on until AFO either actually dies, or does come back like I keep predicting he will! please try to work with me a little better here, AFO

one other thing, instead of “New World Movement”, Viz used the same “Vanguard Action” regiment name that was used during the forest training camp arc. Caleb said that the wording (“kaibyaku koudou”) was exactly the same. so I’ll be using that too moving forward. I guess that means that Pliff is still on the menu though, pity

anyway so let’s get started now

so it’s a house... no, holy shit, wait, it’s the house!

THE NEW TODOROKI HOUSE OH MY GOD. ahhhhh lol what the fuck is this. Todofeels coming up to slap me in the face out of nowhere?! here I thought we were gonna just dive right into the Shigaraki raid and the resulting carnage

I’m... not really sure how I feel about this? like, right now I’m not trusting anything Horikoshi does lol. “quiet beginnings” you say? this is just a sneaky new way to bring me more pain. isn’t it

(ETA: I guess “quiet beginnings” also summarizes the other activities of this chapter pretty well. also is that Natsuo’s girlfriend??! at first I thought it was Rei, but those look like quirk-related ears? so Natsu then really is living his best college life huh.)

oh hey everyone it’s a brand new character!

(ETA: wait, is he actually quirkless? or is that just another LIE. you big LIAR.)

I’m so curious what the kanji is for this latest name. can’t wait for Caleb to enlighten us. I wonder if it’s “shi” as in “death”, just like with Tomura/AFO’s name. and no idea at all what “Maruta” means. basically I just want to know if there’s some pun or something, since yet again he’s obviously using a fake alias here

(ETA: so someone informed me in an anon ask that this is a reference to Unit 731, which was a Japanese unit that undertook lethal human experimentation during WWII. basically the people who conducted the experiments referred to their human subjects as “logs” to dehumanize them. and the Japanese word for log is, you guessed it, maruta. so that’s an extremely powerful and disturbing association for this name, and it’s obvious now why Horikoshi went with it.

that said, the anon said that some people were really upset by this name choice, and while I guess I can understand that, I also think that’s kind of the point, though? like, it’s supposed to be horrifying. anyone with a human conscience and any kind of empathy whatsoever should be horrified. and atrocities like that shouldn’t be forgotten, and I actually think that for someone born and raised and living in Japan like Horikoshi to be making a reference to this is fairly ballsy. because my understanding is that, like a lot of Japan’s other war crimes, it was more or less hushed up by the government afterwards, and isn’t really taught in schools or mentioned in history textbooks other than in passing. so while I can understand people maybe finding it disrespectful, I don’t think it was meant as such. it seems to me that if anything, Horikoshi wants people to look into it and be educated about it. and again, obviously he’s associating it here with easily the most reprehensible and morally sickening character in the entire series, which is fitting I think. anyway so those are my thoughts on that.)

anyway, guess what guys? looks like we’ve got ourselves another Star Wars reference! let’s just hope this particular Jakku doesn’t wind up as wrecked as its namesake when all’s said and done. it’s gonna be a loooooong day

you guys. Maruta is such a nice guy

he’s a philanthropist! and he runs orphanages all over the country! wow! what a great person!! and nursing homes as well, where residents presumably die on the regular (of old age and other natural causes no doubt), at which point they are presumably cremated, and I wonder who runs the cremation facilities? I’m sure whoever it is is definitely on the up-and-up

and “quirk-based community healthcare.” I wonder if they’re selective about who they treat based on what their quirks are. all the better to make sure people with particularly strong and/or unique quirks get the specialized treatment they need!

anyway. see, this is more like what I expected. some super dark shit, and finally some answers to a few long-established questions as well, but not without a price. that price being the churning feeling in my gut right now lol. oh man. well I just ate, so that might have something to do with it. but I tell ya, nothing makes you vaguely queasy like trying your best not to think about a massive conspiracy to kidnap and torture innocent children in the pursuit of ultimate power! so anyways I sure do hate this!

fffff like, really hate it. I HATE IT SO MUCH

[reluctantly goes ahead and slides AFO down one notch on my list of people I need to see die the most] well there it is. we have a new champion

so now we’re cutting to a hero briefing!

y’all is that THE SHERIFF. PLEASE. IT’S BEEN SO LONG. BUDDY I MISSED YA

so Nao says he had one of his guys go undercover to investigate, and they found that this hospital’s blueprints included a giant suspicious unlabeled place that nobody knows anything the fuck about

oh my god. you guys. forget Tomura, could that also be where they’re keeping the Noumus?? omg. omg omg omg. omgggggggggggg. omg

-- AHHHHHHHHHH

IF THE NEXT PANEL ISN’T JUST A CHORUS OF EVERYONE IN THE ROOM ALL SAYING “WHAT THE FUCK” SIMULTANEOUSLY, I’M GONNA DEMAND SOME ANSWERS, BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU, HAVING ALREADY KNOWN ALL ABOUT POOR JOHN-KUN AND ALL THIS FUCKED UP SHIT MYSELF, I STILL AUDIBLY SWORE OUT LOUD. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M GONNA DO IT AGAIN TOO, BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK

come on, is Pixie Bob the only one of you here with normal human reactions or what?!

RIGHT?! YOU ALL ARE LOOKING AT A TINY MOUND OF FLESH WITH VEINY BULGING EYES JUST OGGLING BLANKLY OUT FROM ITS EXPOSED BRAINS. NOT TO MENTION IT’S GOT TWO OF WHAT VAGUELY RESEMBLE EARS, BUT WHAT I’M PRETTY SURE ARE ACTUALLY NOSES?? AND A SEVERED SPINAL CORD TAIL DANGLING OUT FROM BEHIND. ALL OF WHICH IS PLASTERED TOGETHER LIKE A LUMPY MOLD OF CLAY ATOP TWO CHILD-SIZED LEGS, which are wearing fucking sneakers, with fucking velcro and shit. fuck. fuck

lol Nao

oh yes, not difficult at all. I’m sure he’ll come along real quietly. hey, let me know how that one works out, okay

“we have the trauma of Hosu and Kamino still haunting us.” thanks for that reminder. gonna have another city to add to that list real soon aren’t we. preemptive r.i.p. Jakku

oh man you guys. can you feel this tension building up

interesting how he says “destiny.” I wonder if that’s the actual dialogue. at any rate this overconfidence is terrifying and I would really like for you all to stop jinxing shit my dudes

-- WHAT DID I JUST SAY

holy shit. please tell me this is a separate group from the Endeavor group we saw at the end of the last chapter

but that doesn’t make any sense though, because this group has Midnight and Kamui, two of their deadliest and most efficient capture specialists. not to mention Edgeshot the literal ninja who can break into anywhere. so this really should be the vanguard here based on what I’m seeing, but if that’s the case why are the eighteen-year-old Tamaki and the sixteen-year-old Toadette right there with them?? can we not, you guys. can we not

fucking shit. at least they’ve got Ms. Joke there too to back them up. if we actually get to see her quirk in action I can die happy. and so, presumably, will the villains

so the “hospital team” (is that the Endeavor team??) said they’re gonna eliminate the villains’ warping ability, which presumably means John-kun. do they even know it’s him that does it?? they don’t seem to actually know who Ujiko fucking is so I have my doubts?

on the bright side though, it seems like this Midnight team is actually going to be raiding the mansion, and won’t be involved in the hospital raid. but on the less bright side, the mansion is arguably almost as dangerous. :/ that’s where Twice is!! and probably most of the League! but at least they don’t have a dozen Noumus in the basement just waiting to be unleashed

god. people, if we don’t get moving on this action soon I am going to give myself a damn heart attack. this is way too much suspense for a chill Friday night

son of a bitch that guy behind Toadette is Honenuki, I just realized. what the fuck, U.A. ?? “hey kids! guess what! we’re going on a field trip!!” ...

-- NO!!!!!!

IT WILL NOT BE ALL RIGHT!! DON’T YOU LIE TO THEM!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!! Tamaki, fine, okay, he’s experienced, and arguably more powerful than half the people there. Toadette, she’s just a kid, but she also tried to kill Tokoyami back during the joint training arc and I’m still not sure how I feel about that so whatever! Honenuki is probably the most responsible person in this entire group so fine. Tokoyami needs to be there to have a lot of angst about Hawks

but Kaminari. Kaminari fucking Denki. no. no, sir. excuse the fuck out of me. how fucking dare you. he is a five-year-old boy in the body of a high-voltage adolescent. and he’s maybe, just maybe, more powerful than anyone else in this fucking group but that still doesn’t give you the right to put this little baby boy RIGHT ON THE FRONT FUCKING LINES!! holy shit! HIS BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!! I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THIS

OH MY GOD

RIGHT?!?!? omg omg omg omg omg

he’s literally wailing “I miss class 1-A” so loudly that it’s echoing all the way through the forest. see now that’s why you DON’T TAKE KAMINARI WITH YOU ON YOUR SECRET STEALTH ATTACK MISSION!! would somebody please point me towards whoever’s fucking idea this was so that I can go kick their fucking ass please and thank you

and here are the rest of them oh my god

Momo, Mina, Jirou, and Kiri at the forefront. okay, fine. this, I do like

so Edgeshot says they’ve surrounded the villains on all sides. man, no wonder they’re so worried about their warping capabilities. this is basically their one chance to capture all the bad guys in one fell swoop. I guess it makes more sense why all their capture specialists are in Edgeshot’s group, then

now I’m starting to wonder exactly what task lies in store for the Wonder Trio’s group, though? because they said evacuation, but is that really all there is to it? it’s no secret that Bakugou, Deku, and Todoroki are the three strongest interns they have. so you’re really expecting me to believe that they put baby Denki there on the front lines and yet plan on keeping their heaviest hitters in reserve? Nao is there more to this plan that you’re not telling us

oh shit Endeavor wants to know where his adopted chicken son is at

it genuinely does warm my heart to see Endeavor worrying about Hawks. I’m glad Hawks has at least one person out there who actually gives a shit about him. even if that person is mister father of the year here. the plot thickens

I wonder if Enji would actually die to save Hawks, if it came to that. which I’m not saying it would. but we all know some fucking shit is about to go down so I’m just having these thoughts here okay!

Nao always looks so tired nowadays. man

so he clearly does know who Endeavor’s talking about, though. one of these days I’d like to get a clearer understanding of what exactly Naomasa’s rank is and how high he is in terms of clearance, because the idea that he’s actually privy to more information than the number one fucking hero is kind of bonkers to me, ngl. this guy is literally just a detective, right?? not even a commissioner or anything. and yet he’s involved in everything. I used to suspect that he might be the traitor lol, and while I’m pretty sure by now that’s not the case, I’m still curious as to exactly what his deal is. does he even have a quirk?? anyways

so now Endeavor is hmphing and stomping off, and meanwhile there are some closeups of Mic and Aizawa

is that a whistle. do you guys think Mic could literally kill a man with his voice. shit. why do I kind of want to see it happen

as for Endeavor, I wonder if he was the one who made sure that his son and his friends weren’t on the front lines with the rest of them. sometimes it’s good to have some influence in these things

looooooool as if on cue

well. that sure doesn’t sound like he intends to keep them out of harm’s way. does he really have that much faith in them??

serious question, why exactly are all of the heroes seemingly so confident that this is going to work? it scares me because it makes me feel like in spite of Hawk’s intel they still don’t have a clue what they’re truly up against

so now we’re cutting to some random street somewhere and WOULD YOU LOOK WHO IT FUCKING IS

Slidin’ Go Suck An Egg. oh how I hate this man

look at him

I hate his stupid face!

OH SHIT

TRAFFIC CONE MAN, ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO REDEEM YOURSELF FOR NOT RESCUING KACCHAN ON THAT DAY TWO YEARS AGO BECAUSE YOU WERE AFRAID OF A LITTLE SLUDGE? BECAUSE I’M HERE FOR IT! IF YOU WANT TO JUST GO AHEAD AND SNAP HIS NECK, I WILL TURN THE OTHER WAY AND ACT LIKE I DIDN’T SEE, I PROMISE

wow, Burnin’s team really is just evacuating people

I mean they’re obviously going to run into a Noumu, and just like that they’ll be in more danger than anyone, but at least for now it really does seem like the minds behind this raid wanted to keep them relatively out of danger. so yeah, for now I’m gonna chalk that up to Endeavor’s influence that they’re here rather than in the forest with the rest of their class

and here comes the hospital team!

well that answers my question about Nao’s rank. so he’s not even a chief. that really is fucking ridiculous but whatever

and why do I feel like this poor undercover subordinate is mere seconds away from becoming the first casualty in what I think is about to become the most violently snafued situation we’ve seen in this manga to date. like this shit is going to make Kamino look like the fucking state fair. fuck

...

I really wish I could believe that he was about to go down and it really was going to be just that easy

HERE WE GO!!

(ETA: so then they do know that he’s the guy who made the Noumu? including the one that nearly took him out in Kyushu? and they’re still acting like this is going to be a walk in the park? ?? what??)

knock knock, who’s there, JUSTICE

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: sure hope Endeavor’s light here doesn’t go summoning any darkness. welp.)

YOU’RE UNDER ARREST FOR CRIMES OF BEING TOO HORRIBLE TO EVEN FUCKING CONTEMPLATE, LET ALONE JOKE ABOUT! YOU SON OF A BITCH, GET FUCKED

oh my god. we’re really just gonna end it like that. well I guess next chapter we can all play a fun game of “let’s all count the pages until everything goes horribly wrong.” won’t that be a laugh. 10 to 1 the Noumu really are in the secret room and they’re all gonna be set loose by next week’s cliffhanger. remind me to have “Into the Trap” by John Williams cued up and ready to go lol

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