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#wait why am i censoring myself. fuck. first fuck
juneviews · 4 months
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I’m so glad you summoned us to your ask box bc I agree that watching cooking crush is so lonely. I am constantly lurking in the tag and its so depressing compared to the energy ‘not me’ got every sunday. I am so happy that offgun are doing a romcom. I know that you like angsty offgun but I desperately needed an offgun show that is lighthearted and cc is serving. Gun is shining in this show and I love that he lives with his grandma and sister. I have always found that Gun bounces off of actresses really well, especially older women, and he makes dynamics with them seem really natural and comforting. And holy moly is Off Jumpol blessing my eyeballs. I find myself swooning every time he comes on screen and this character feels so soft. I love how gentle Ten is with Prem. The way he quietly accepted that Prem was willing to teach him despite Prem screwing with him earlier in the episode. And then reassuring Prem that he is a good cook. Ugh I am so living for this dynamic and can’t wait to see what offgun do with it further.
But gmmtv and I will have words about them not releasing the full versions on youtube. Like what more can they do to inhibit offgun?
yeah to be fair I never expected the fandom experience for cc to be anywhere near not me bc that kind of collective watching experience can never be matched, but I'm glad many people have taken up my open call to discuss cooking crush lol bc it was getting lonely!
honestly, while I do love my angst & deeper topics, I've been glad that cooking crush is a silly romcom since the first trailer dropped. as I said in my gmmtv 2022 reaction video, I think we do need a breather after how intense & life-changing not me was, and also offgun are just SO GOOD at romcoms bruh, it's the perfect genre for them (even though they've slayed every genre they've been in too!) also I have this theory that cooking crush was chosen for offgun specifically to bring them back to their "bankable" image that they lost due to not me being too political & half of the entertainment kinda blacklisting them, which while not me being censored is bullshit, I am glad that it's not gonna affect offgun's careers long term & they're now back to getting more events & ads together!
you're so right about gun bouncing off actresses & especially older ones very well, I 100% agree! prem's ama is my fave I love her, she's such a good supportive force in prem's life :))) as for ten being super gentle & soft, YES!!! I was told before the show aired that novel!ten is like the softest man in existence, yet off still managed to exceed my expectations! especially after sean who was his roughest character to date hahaha! ten just feels like a big teddy bear, every time he appears on screen I wanna squish his cheeks 🥺 ten is really as forgiving as sean was hahaha, whoops I think I found another favorite character! the tenprem dynamic is literal perfection, though. they match each other so well I think I might pass away once they get together 😭
gmmtv is so fucking weird, like they still stand behind offgun & give them shows & fanmeets, etc. but at the same time they often do a terrible job promoting them. here what upsets me the most is that gmmtv actually was promoting cooking crush pretty damn well, but they set up cooking crush with their contract with wetv. it's nice that wetv seems to have given cc a lot of funds, which is why it was their headlining thai show of the year at their event in september, but I think in exchange they refused to have gmmtv post the full uncut eps to make it a wetv exclusive, which is bullshit. while gmmtv couldn't do much against it, they couldn't have discussed other ways, like they've done for other shows. it just really sucks bc the uncut version is the only great way to watch the show, but I wanna support the show on gmmtv's channel too :(
xxx
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vergess · 1 year
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i'm sorry that you're having such a bad time wrt another tumblr book club :(
I was going to put on a tough face, but actually I'm really not handling it well at all. I keep having violent panics in between dissociative fits.
But more than anything, I'm so fucking mad at myself for having allowed myself the foolishness of vulnerability. For the audacious imbecility of hope.
Because I knew this was coming.
Sherlock Holmes attracts only the worst kind of Literary Intellectual (TM). But I still hoped.
And when I saw that post this morning, do you know what I thought actually? "Oh, finally! I've been waiting for someone to bring it up. It seemed overdue. I'm glad we're going to talk about it now!"
That's why I dared to bare my dumb stupid fucking soul like that, like a moron. Like an idiot. To fucking show my weak spot and say, "go ahead, goyim, here's the target!"
Because I really thought the fandom was going to talk about it.
I trusted us.
Them.
I thought about them as an us that could be trusted to talk to as peers about a difficult subject.
You know. The way the Dracula Daily fandom talked about the anti-Romani bigotry, phrenology, xenophobia.
The way the 80 days fandom talked about the various forms of racist and colonialist messaging pervasive throughout.
The way the Whale Weekly fandom continues to talk about. Ooof. Allll of that.
I thought we were going to talk.
In the way that had been established as the norm for these books.
But instead, just. Just an avalanche of some of the most obscene shit. A lot of it gleefully posted in public, masks fully off.
People calling jews too stupid too read. Calling us censors. Saying we're attacking and harassing gentiles by acknowledging that the fucking source material is antisemitic, a fact the goddamned gentiles themselves also openly acknowledge.
But we're hurt by it. And we're expressing that pain. So I guess that makes us the villains.
You know, Shakespeare wrote plenty of antisemitic stereotypes himself, but uh. He had this tendency to, see, also make his characters very fully realized and give them elegantly spoken motivations. So elegant, in fact, that many people forget the first lines are ours.
I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
Oh, but I forget my place in the hierarchy of this noble English Literary Canon.
#little baby birds expecting already digested literature to be vomited in their mouths
Jews are just dumb animals.
My bad, y'all. My bad.
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earth-scented · 5 months
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I am of the opinion that Cody and Satori are extremely sus and I would like more debunking before I will believe they are real. If they are not frauds they should be willing to do more experiments, so I guess we will see. I think the next move is on them tbh, they are being called out, now we wait and see what they do and how they respond, the way they do both these things will give us an answer I think.
However I do not believe Sam and Colby are in on it at all, their reactions are too genuine for me to believe that so if Cody and Satori are scam artists/fakers then in my eyes SnC got played just as much as their audience.
Also in relation to your comments about 'deleted messages' the disappearing comments that you speak of have been explained as certain algorithms that come with certain sites, especially youtube any posts with links in for example, the youtube algorithm will automatically delete as ironically youtube has measures to protect against bots posting scams and things like that, often posts with links or certain words the site automatically erases.
Plus we know SnC don't really read the comments on youtube videos anymore (especially Colby) as they have stated as such in interviews they've gotten to the point where they just can't do it anymore which is actually really sad. So any deletions on that platform not related to the algorithm have probably been done by a member of their team whose job is likely to manage their youtube socials and keep it positive so will erase anything too negative.
The one place I've seen them interacting with comments about the series regularly has been on Instagram, everywhere else they appear online for a very limited amount of time and maybe reply to one thing each. I've not seen disappearing comments on these other platforms myself but feel free to tell me I'm wrong.
I will say I suspect they probably ignore a lot of the comments calling Cody and Satori out because a lot of them go about it in a very negative and unfriendly way which a person can only take so much of. So maybe we'd get more of a response from them on this topic if we were not so aggressive on the topic, and approached it more as a friendly debate I dunno.
But yeah, my two cents after seeing your last anon reply which seemed to imply you thought SnC were in on it all.
If they weren't in on it then, they certainly are now.
Like i said, they're choosing to push the whole "this is a life-changing thing" narrative, knowing very well it's a fraud. First episode was released in theaters, they got huge sponsorship moneys plus the entire series gives off "the new & improved conjuring house management" advert. Anyone with two brain cells can see this is a business deal involving a lot of money and legal documentation and nobody's gonna give statements, address anything or explain themselves unless it's prearranged and benefits both sides.
Satori's dad is well known for faking evidence on Ghost Hunters, she was literally raised into industry. Cody has been clicking his whatever for years on camera, before they met. Them claiming they don't take money for it is simply a lie because they run a website, a traveling museum, sell merch and get paid as the CH employees so what the fuck do everyone think that is, if not taking money and making profits? Which is fine! Just don't lie about it.
Comments are censored either by youtube settings or their production team. They're not some kids running around with a camera anymore, they have people paid to do stuff. It's their business and livelihood. I don't understand why are people so blatantly oblivious to that.
When money, fame and relevance are involved, integrity often goes out the window.
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doyouknowwhoyouare13 · 11 months
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Nyx reads All The Bright Places
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Don't read it if you don't want, yknow yknow
Once again gonna be reading a lot at school so 😭
ANYWAYS
SPOILERS!!!
ok first of all this is already so cute
the post it at the beginning
shit sorry this has nothing to do with the book but the guitar in In Bloom just scared the living daylights out of me good lord
anyways
back to the book
also the cover is really cute!!!
first chapter is Finch!!
oh god what a first sentence
oh bud I don't think that's very healthy
BRO IT'S THE FIRST PAGE
wait so he just
does he like forget or does he go into like a coma?
buddy maybe like get down?
just a thought yknow
I censor myself too it's ok
FINCH BRO SHE 💀
OMG I LOVE THIS GUY
HE'S SO
IDK BUT I LOVE HIM
oh god don't do this already
look at them saving each other!!!
if you're best known as dumbass I don't think you have the right to tell ANYONE ANYTHING
BECAUSE I'VE GOT A DATE WITH YOUR MOTHER 💀
Bro I don't think you guys realize how much I already love this man
VIOLET 💀
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I'm gonna be honest you guys, did not read much at school but like it's fine
I'm on page 58
and have lost track of chapters so I'll be going by names now!
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this is finch
in the middle of it though
I LOVE HIM OMG
OR WE CAN MAKE OUT 💀
he's sweet
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so
I did have notes
LOTS of them
sure most of them were about my cuteness aggression towards Finch
but they were there
and then tumblr did this weird glitch
so they're gone
but anyways
I'm on page 150
I am in love with theodore finch
and I really want to bite him!!!
his accents are so cute and the way he walks her to her classes is
IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD ALRIGHT
anyways
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I'm at the beginning of a violet chapter
omg I'm actually so mad those notes were deleted I'm gonna
broooo
he tries not to sleep
still don't fully understand why
omg I love them
OMGGGG
I agree lovely IS a lovely word
uh oh out of romance tabs
I improvised
Violet is so relatable
I love both of them sm you have no idea
omg :(((
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is his first name like actually josh raymond or is that his middle name too
I fucking hate their dad.
oh fuck I don't like this
HELP FINCH
uh oh
omg I fucking
omg
my words shoot to kill when I'm mad 🥰 even with fictional characters
oh that's so sad :(
I am very quickly running out of tabs
Norman Fucking Rockwell!
ivy!!!
oh :(((( my :((((((( god :((((((((((((
decca :(((
oh :(((
omg I'm gonna cry
I'M CRYING I'M CRYING I'M CRYING
I WANT TO GIVE THEM HUGSSSSS :((((((
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I read a lot at school
now on page 248
I can tell
I can tell he might die :((
I'm gonna cryyyy
they're so cute and they don't deserve what happened to them :(((
his dad is a bitch and I hate him
and when Violet got scared that Theo might've drowned :(((
she's the only reason he's still here I'm scared :(((
AND HE KEEPS SAYING HE'S MOST AFRAID OF HIMSELF I'M CRYING
omgggggggggggg
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middle of violet chapter
he made her like Before :(
and he's :((((
OMGGG
good we don't like amanda here
yeah I don't like how it sounds either
this is so
omg
anyways another Violet chapter
I'm so scared you guys have no idea I don't want him to die
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finch :((
poor decca
he makes me so sad bro
oh :((
I love him sm
I love these old people too
I just love them all omg I can't 😭
another finch chapter I'm not adding a divider
he gonna fall asleep :((
awww
Finch :(
he :((((((
Roamer deserves it
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Violet
EXPELLED?
WHAT
I'm not adding a divider
finch
66 DAYS ALREADY???
he's killing me bro like actually
THIS IS SO SADDD
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
NO NO NO NO NO
omg
stressing me tf out holy shit
this kid is
another chapter
still Finch
HE'S IGNORING HER?
why is he introducing himself as
AMANDA???
omg
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violetttt
omg she's gonna drive again
STOPPP I'M SO SCARED BRO
this kid needs to stop pretending everything is fine
this is gonna make me cry
still Finch
omg stop
oh shit it's just
no
no
no
istg
if he
you guys don't understand
I am ATTACHED to this man
omg he good
good
for now
they're so cute.
I love them.
they're killing me
oh they're arguing
oh no
where the hell is he
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FINCH
THANK GOD
please do not
do. not.
THEODORE FINCH ISTG.
why is it just a violet.
wait
why is it
what
no
he didn't
Finch
don't
did he
NOOO
NO YOU'RE STILL ULTRAVIOLET
STOP.
STOP. IT.
omg I'm gonna.
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still vi
stop. it.
I can't see bro I'm crying
wth is he doing.
"for when he comes back." because he will. HE WILL.
DON'T SAY IF, HE. WILL.
omfg.
no I don't think so
just a little deeper
he's there.
yeppp.
stop it.
istfg.
STOPPP
no he's fucking right that woman doesn't have the right to ignore her fucking child being missing for MONTHS.
his dad has no fucking right either. no right.
none of them have the right. this is actually pissing me off.
STOP OMFG.
this is so heartbreaking :((((
I mean I knew it was coming but I just
STOPPPPPPPPPP
I CAN'T
they have no fucking right. THEY HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT.
VIOLET YOU'RE MAKING ME CRYYY
bro
this is fucking
you guys
I'm dying rn
ok here we go
omg I'm like ugly crying bro
stop it.
this is so
bro
I'm going to fucking
omg
I hate myself bro
omfg the fucking rock bro
you guys.
ok. I'm done.
A rollercoaster.
Going to be thinking about this one for a bit.
Holy fucking shit.
I'm just so fucking sad now bro
I just can't
he :(((
poot babies
they both didn't deserve the cards they were dealt :(((
I just :(((
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thesilverlady · 5 months
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What do you think of Tyrion ? For me there are 2 of them. The book one and the show one. Show one I hate. Book one I kinda enjoy because he constantly flirts with darkness. I don’t buy show Tyrion poor misunderstood meow meow. And I hate that they did the same with show Aemond. That’s why I prefer Aegon and Daemon. From the beginning you know where they stand, there are no attempts to make them sympathetic bullshit. Stop whitewashing characters in order to make characters more sympathising for audience. The reason why the Joker, Soprano Family and Roy family from Succession are so great is because they aren’t portrayed as some poor people being victims of their circumstances all their life. Aemond wanting to console Jace at Driftmark? What the fuck is that? Also giving him sexual trauma made me laugh. The show made it clear I and everyone else is meant to feel sorry for him but I just laughed at how pathetic they are. Like you have weak Viserys, pedo Daemon, rapist and drunkard Aegon and traumatised and with only one eye Aemond. So yeah, the winner of who should be the fan favourite is clear. Instead of showing the 4 of them as bad and letting people choose who their favourite is, they create 3 of them in unsympathetic light and make one of them #1 victim and the other 3 as monsters or weak men. Sorry but I hate the narrative where I am being shown down my throat who I am supposed to love and who to hate. Especially if 3 out of 4 characters are doing terrible things and only one behaves properly until starting the war. I really can’t wait for Aemond to burn Riverlands, most stans would leave his fanclub and began to see Aegon is not the worst guy out there. I just hope TGC won’t stop playing Aegon until the moment Aemond will show everyone what a legit psycho he really is. And tbh Aemond was my favourite green character in the book but the forced victimisation and the way the fandom act as if aemond is the most opressed character and "feminist" to ever walk in westros when he is the targaryen ver of Andrew tate in reality has completely ruined my enjoyment of him
I don't really have anything to add. I agree with your complains for the most part. I think lots of shows nowadays are painfully censored, the writing has to be simple and the views have to be walked by the hand because they cannot make an intellectual conclusion on their own.
Dunno if you've watched this. But Hannibal nbc was one of my favorite shows of all time. An interesting adaption that was definitely very different from the book material but didn't try to pretend to be better. It was its own thing and was extremely controversial while it was airing due to the violence, themes, and overall subjects. It also remains very much loved despite the years that have passed with an ever so dedicated fanbase.
it seems hard to recreate shows like this. Even GoT's writing was starting to suffering way before the last two seasons but ofc people were trying to be optimistic and we still had hope that one day George might publish another book...
I loved Tyrion and still do in the books. His pov happens to be a favorite of mine, but the show version of him got very bad very fast. It's as you mentioned, there doesn't seem to be a balance about the characters who are supposed to be dark but also possess good traits. It's what makes them interesting in first place.
There's a very weird love for oversimplification in recent times and it kinda sucks out the joy ngl.
As for show aemond, I've ranted so much about him I'd probably repeat myself. I'd only advise to keep expectations low. S1 they managed to make him murdering Lucerys an accident 💀 I wouldn't be surprised if they try something similiar with the burning of Riverlands (perhaps another misunderstanding like the alicent x Viserys one?) who knows. we can only wait and see
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falsebooles123 · 1 year
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New Year New Queer - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 1/1/2023
Hey Whores, You know what time it is. Thats rights sluts and slanterns its time to regale you with tales of gay but before that daddys sad and instead of giving you cummies or some gay shit like that he wants emotional validation.
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(if one of my mutuals could just shove my face in there tits and stroke my hair thanks)
so um yeah basically I hate my job and I go to look at the fucking hours I get to work this week, and I'm screduled for four hours.
FOUR FUCKING HOURS.
there is in fact never a time and place were that is appropriate especially when this is not something that was forwarned.
the good news is that I'm gonna use my freetime to canvess the shit out of town and get myself a new fucking job. I don't deserve this shit and I deserve better. of course I still need to reread my employee contract because guess what dumb bitch signed a non-competition clause.
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(this is what pops up when I type "It's Me!" so apparently I'm Henry Cavell. and I thought I couldn't get sexier)
in other news and entertainement I have finally recieved my self christmas presents which are Hollywood Babylon and The Celluloid Closet at this point I really fucking miss working at any my fucking other jobs because It is amazing how boring people are. like people look me in the face and tell me they go home and do nothing and dream about nothing, and have no ambition. That the world they see is colorless and joyless. that they crave no more simulation then through the bars of there cage.
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Disgusting, I yearn to be free of the things that limit me to never loose my curiousity to do things because I can, to learn things because I can, to remember that while Nitcze was a total fucking incel and loser that there is a kernal of truth in "Saying Yes to yourself, instead of no to others". I've been feeling really limited in this job and its hard, hard to swallow my pride, to make myself small, to feel that I am only as valuable as the space I occupy and not the being that I am.
I am better then that job not because I am over-qualified, or that it is "Beneath Me". I am better then that job because the job asks me to be less then my potential and I refuse that mantle.
Oh wait isn't this shit supposed to be about movies or something lol oopsie.
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Club De Femmes (1936) dir. Jacques Deval
from what I vaguley remember this french film was censored in america for being too risque and honestly I get it. This movie has a lot of fan-service, wear talking a lot of women walking around in the sluttiest outfits 1930s had to offer, (yes god yes), were talking men dressing up as women to FUCK, were talking human trafficking, were talking MURDER, were talking REAL LIFE LESBIANS.
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(I was trying to find that clip from Cringe were she says the line but this will do.)
yeah this film has a lot going on and also it has like a bonified lesbian subplot shes not predatory, (at least by the usually standard), and out of all the gay films I've seen so far the character has this kind of internality, (is that the word interiorality???), that I have yet to see in a lot of these films besides mommy kink megee in Madchen In Uniform.
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The Lady Vanishes (1938) dir Alfred Hitchcock.
so as has been established Hitchcock kinda just liked gay shit in his films. in this case some people have read Cadicott and Codswallop or whatever the fuck there names are as just sucking and fucking all the time as a gay couple.
This is a little teneous but it is a cute headcannon even if the actually film is light on subtext.
Speaking of which this is basically like if an agatha christie novel met a Mrs. Pollifax Novel so you know I loved that shit.
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Rebecca (1940) dir Alfred Hitchcock
UGGGGGGH Laurence Oliver can fuck me right in the BUSSY. I just wanted get fucked and sucked by both of them they are so fucking hot.
So if you don't know why this is on the list. First go watch it we love it we stan, we have watched several very long podcast episodes devoted to how much the queens and the queers love rebecca.
Second Lets talk about mrs Danvers. Shes serving us a little school marm ala Madchen in Uniform and she is just horrible fond of the epoynmous Rebecca. And by fond I mean gay. and by gay I mean just that type of gay were your pratically co-dependant on your partner.
Yeah basically Rebecca was the type of bisexual demon that all those melodramas warned you about and Danvers was her SECRET LESBIAN LOVER!!!!!
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Ben-Hur: A Tale of Christ (1925) dir. Fred Niblo
so Ben-Hur the OG, (I mean theres a short from 1907 but shut your whore mouth), is part of a growing list of films called, "The researchers personal bias read a lot of gay subtext into this film and/or they just wanted to fuck the cast". I of course am above said bias and yes I am about to publish my thesis on how the shark from jaws was a metaphor about how badly those three men wanted to fuck each other.
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(there gays harold)
The researcher in question is our favorite gayboy Vito Russo who listed this as part of the filmography segement in his book the Celleloid Closet. I have yet to read The Celleloid Closet as I am still reading Hollywood Babylon but its next on my list so I will see if I can find better context for why Russo included it in his film list.
The reason why Vito Russo included this is that this film does contain a mans bare ass chained to a wall. Do we see this man elsewear, is he eroticized in his torture like in UN chant d'amour. .... no.
its just a naked guy and while I will say there is a little homoerotic tension between masalla and ben-hur and a lot of male nudity this film is pretty straight. Like objectively a cool film and a silent fim classic. but its not incredible queer.
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(I didn't technically need to show you some ass but I just wanted an excuse to stare at a hot guy in the shower. because I'm a pervert you get it)
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Whats The World Coming To? (1926) dir. Richard Wallace, F. Richard Jones
so this is just a role reversal comedy set in the future and it was honestly a lot of fun. We have these really out there fashion choices that are both avant garde and weirdly dated and its just a really fun look at retro-futurism from an era we don't normally get to see.
In the future of course we all get around on blimps and work in the blimp factory and also the gender roles are reversed with butch strong women taking care of there domestic husbands.
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( I literally typed in Girlboss X Malewife. but you know what I'll except it)
This film feels weirdly reminscent of Bunholdes Lover by Patience and Sullivan, likes its serving Savoy Opera Realness. Which is weird because I have never seen any opera let alone the specific 1890s sylings of the comic opera but something about the use of pantomime and the costuming feels incredible emblamatic of that theatrical tradition.
I thought this was a surprisingly fun time and I had a lot of fun with what is honestly a pretty fresh take on the role reversal comedy.
Going forward the rest of the role reversal comedies we have are going to be a little less joculer??. speaking of which tonights film is going to be Glen or Glenda? A Cult film shot in four days supposedly inspired by real life Transgendererererererererererererer, (i'm being playful), Christine Jorgensine, the G.I Bombshell. I here that its something else.
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bl4ckasjet · 4 days
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Nate's blabbers #3
Being demi aroace is so weird. I can absolutely get a celebrity crush and be "in love" with them so fucking easily but when actually interacting with others ? Nah. I need a genuine emotional connection that takes a while to build. It's not as simple as "oh yeah they're hot I wanna date them". It takes time, I gotta learn more about you, I gotta spend time with you and form memories as friends before even falling in love, otherwise I'm just like nah. However, if I have a crush its rewl obvious.
OH BUT OH GOD CELEBRITY CRUSHES ?? JESUS CHRIST THOSE ARE CRAZY (probably because of how neurodivergent I am and a celebrity crush usually leads me to hyperfixate). No because like by now, if we're mutuals, you def know that I got a fat fucking celeb crush on Adam Gontier. Oh God I NEED to tell yall about how that shit happened, it's actually super dumb.
Okay so, on the 10th of January 2024 (yes, I got the date, WHAT ABOUT IT), I thought to myself "yk what I feel like rewatching the music video for Scars by Papa Roach". I went on YouTube and watched it. Very great time. I replayed it a few times because the song hits fuckin hard, then I let it end and a certain music video played. It was Pain by Three Days Grace !! I didn't pay much attention at first because I was playing games on my phone but then I peeked at the screen and saw Adam during the bridge and was like "woah woah woah lemme replay this shit". So, I replayed the music video and watched it. The bridge part came back and I was like "wait why's he kinda hot..." I couldn't stop rewatching the MV. I then proceeded to google him. (Now I knew of three days grace before, they are my first ever rock band I listened to when I was like what 3 yrs old on my dad's old ass iPhone). I saw images of him and was like "woah well okay this is def just a "wow he looks good" situation". I was wrong. Then I messaged @vahntoki like "BRO LOOK AT THIS GUY HES HOT HIS NAME IS ADAM GONTIER !!" Toki agreed and then I hissed at him. I'm now hyperfixated on probably smth I never expected to be hyperfixated on and its probably turning into my special interest im very happy about it tbh bc I LOVE IT ! Adam makes me happyyyy and I love seeing content of him. OH AND HIM AND HIS FAMILY ARE SO ADORABLE !! THEY SEEM SOSO HAPPY AND I FIND THAT AMAZING AND ADAM CENSORS HIS KIDS FACE FOR THEIR PRIVACY. I love seeing what kinda thing he's done or does. Little silly Grace man. Oh and saint asonia is amazing band by Adam too he made after leaving tdg SOOOOO GOOOD UGHHH I LOVE DIGGING AROUND AND FINDING SECRET ACCOUSTIC SONGS HE WROTE AND WATCHING HIS V-LOGS.
Okay this post is long I'm gonna stfu now LMAO
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One of my best friends will literally talk for six hours (when we're on the phone - with plenty of pauses in between) but only ask or wait for my input about three times, while one of my other best friends will infodump to me for two hours and then tell me specifically "Okay, I talked way too much this time - YOU need to talk more next time". ._.
I originally put this rant in the tags but now my tags are ridiculously long so, INTO THE VOID OF THE POST THEY GO.
I wish I could talk more when talking with my first best friend, but at the same time I feel like I never say the right things or ever even really say WHAT'S on my mind with her. I struggle really bad with feeling like I'm ever actually saying anything of substance that I WANT to say. And given the fact that I write a novel every single fucking time that I post online, I clearly HAVE THINGS TO SAY, but I DON'T SAY THEM when it matters, or - in particular - when I am talking with someone patient enough to listen to me/what I have to say. 😭
But with my other best friend (who ASKS me to talk more when we talk on the phone), I feel awkward trying to share things that I know they're not into even though they've told me before that they like to listen to me talk/tell stories, so...oof! I am just insecure. 😭 Oh, and of course my best friend who infodumps to me is also a listener, so I understand them quite well, too.
It's just that I often struggle to follow my first best friend's train of thought because her thought process goes off into thirty different, often unrelated, directions, so because of that in particular I never KNOW when the right time to interject is because she's probably off on a third tangent by the time I think of what I actually want to say following her first train of thought. D: But I hate to complain about it, and I feel awful about struggling with that. It is just...a major difference between us. :/
And, like, I know that I give way too many details about stuff and simultaneously miss saying the most important points of stuff (my mom accuses me of literally "burying the lede" when I talk to her sometimes. Can you tell she's into journalism, and always did extremely well in her journalism classes? And why I could NEVER be successful in journalism classes, let alone actual journalism?), and I preface everything I say to the fourth degree, but it doesn't take me long to return to my first thought (especially because I usually rush whatever I preface with, on purpose, because I know they're not the most important points but it's still important to me to make these things known for context). For my first best friend, though, it takes her 2-3 hours to return to her first thought - and sometimes that's with my miraculously accomplished nudging.
I know with my both of my best friends, our conversations are often very imbalanced in terms of who talks/shares the most, and I know there shouldn't be such an imbalance, but I don't know HOW to mention the imbalance to them without sounding like a COMPLETE ASSHOLE! Plus...well, I am insecure and socially anxious. Like with my other best friend who urges me to talk more, when they actually give me time to think about what I want to say so that I am able to talk about what I actually want to talk about, a lot of the time (but not just with this friend - this happens to me in everyday conversations with anybody at all), suddenly, it's like everything I AM able to say is nothing at all that I intend or actually want to say. I guess that's the problem with having the sort of socially anxious-tinted filter that I have: I think about what I say before I say it so deeply that I end up censoring myself almost completely in terms of what I ever actually want to say. The only time I say anything that I actually intend to say, let alone how I say it, is through writing it. And maybe I feel more confident through my writing versus through verbally speaking because when I write shit, I don't have to worry about burdening people with my thoughts; they'll either read them, or they won't, and oftentimes, either way, I am none the wiser. IRL, I am able to see or hear the impact of my words (and I pay fairly close attention to that), which makes me even more careful with what I say.
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the-brain-person · 4 months
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Oneshot; TVhead female oc/ reader. The Amazing Digital Circus fanfic/ fandom work. Written on the phone. Dunno how to check word count on the phone. I'm writing this in the Tumblr app.
---
I am falling. I am falling? Where... am I? My vision isn't clear; static pervading all my senses. Something is wrong... I'm falling. Oh. I think I've been falling for a while. I hear talking. What are they saying?
"..is there something falling?" Purple, pink, yellow.
"Not currently, Jax, wait... what did you do?!" Red, blue, tan.
The poor bot fell on their head and promptly went unconcious.
Where... am I? I remember falling. I didn't remember why I was falling when I was falling, so I think we can cross out amnesia.
What is this place? It was bright, too bright, too loud, too quiet. This place is too much. Where is my anchor? Do I have an anchor? And that thought makes me scared. I get up; my... systems...? When did I have systems? This... isn't right. Where is my anchor? My system is going into autopilot. I need to find an anchor.
Silently, I walk. My vision is static and blurry. The static should clear soon, my systems say. I'm walking silently, but my body is heavy. It is wrong. My face feels flat, and I have metal antennae. My tail. My f□□□□□g tail. Is a cord with an electrical socket plug at the end. What the f□□k is going on? Why the f□□k are my f□□□□□g thoughts f□□□□□g censored?!
And more importantly; where the fuck is my anchor? I'm walking aimlessly through this damned circus-- or at least what I assume to be a circus, I haven't seen anyone.
By the time I see someone, the static has cleared, but the blurriness is still there. A small red,white, blue, and maybe.. yellow? The thing is in front of me. It's small. Would it be a good anchor? But upon seeing me approach silently and expressionlessly--how do I move my face?-- It screams and starts running. It sounds female, maybe. Aside from her screaming, I can maybe hear bells? Probably on her. She wouldn't be a good anchor. She probably needs an anchor, or maybe hers is too far away?
I decide to follow screaming bell girl. She's tiny, so I don't need to adjust my pace to follow. Thus, it probably makes her more scared. Whoops. She runs, and I follow for a while. She is tired. Her running is getting more wobbly, I think. My vision is still so blurred, I can't really tell.
When the girl stops running, voice having gone out awhile ago, she is by a short but taller person. I think. Red, blue, and tan. A blue bow, probably. Blue.. eyepatch, maybe? Small is hiding behind her. Bow is probably Small's anchor, then. As Small is seeming pretty calm now. When I make it to Bow, I stop. Bow is associated with Small, and Small is quite loud and quite scared. She would not be a good anchor for me.
The blurriness is still there when Small says something I can't hear to Bow. "Oh her? She fell from the ceiling and fell flat on her screen. If we couldn't die here, I would think she died." A nervous giggle escapes Bow. Bow looks over to me and quite literally just remembers that I have been standing stock still this entire time.
"Oh! I should have introduced myself, I'm so sorry! I'm Ragatha-" Bow is a better name, but ok, I think
"- and this is Pomni! Caine should be here by now but he isn't, probably preparing an adventure." I realize I haven't introduced myself. I try to open my mouth, but I can't. I take my hands to where my mouth should be and I pull.
Wedging my fingers through barely noticeable gaps in my... what did Ragatha say? Screen? I open my mouth. I can move my mouth now. So I go to introduce myself again. My voice sounds gravelly or staticky. It's the panic, probably. "Hello. I'm..." What's my name. My Name. My name is my name, my name, my anchor- "Calm down now, it's fine, nobody remembers their name when they first arrive here. " Ragatha snaps me out of it.
"Kind of.. odd to see it from the other side of the mental breakdown, " Pomni says, her voice hoarse from all the screaming she did earlier, hah. "You get used to it, newstuff. It really isn't that bad." The conversation dulls, and I can only really hear the jingling of Pomni's hat (or at least it looks like a hat)
I slap my knees, yawning. "Well, gotta go now." I get up and start walking away. The other two rush to follow. "Where are you going?"
I want to find my anchor. But finding Caine also sounds important. "Find Caine." I reply, elegantly. "Oh! We can help with that!" I doubt they can, but we start walking. I walk much faster than the two of them. Ragatha has to speed up pretty often, and Pomni is practically jogging the whole time. "Do... do you need me to slow down?" I ask. I receive two very enthusiastic "Yes, please" es and I slow down to their speed. They are quite short, I am quite tall, and I walk with purpose. What more is to be said.
"Whoa whoa whoa there new person! You can't go wandering! You haven't completed the Tour!! A blurry red,white, and black floating thing appears. Bounce_effect.wav flashes in my vision as I hear the sound. I decide that this AI (how did I know?) is interesting, if quite.. unintelligent to the human (am I human?) plight. He would not be a good anchor, but he could learn how to be human.
"Now, you may or may not have realized that you don't remember your name. That's okay! Do you want to randomly generate a new name, or do you want to choose." Green letters hang starkly in my vision, a contrast to the blurring. R4M is all that it says. "R4M" is all that I say. "Ram, you say? Wonderful name!" R-four-M, I want to say. But I think that it's not worth my time.
I'm suddenly somewhere else. A stage? I gag and cover my mouth. When I stop feeling nauseous, I'm being introduced to the rest of the cast. "Okay! Step right up, step right up, introductions are in order!" Is he a conductor or a ringmaster? Are they different things? (Yes; green letters tell me, they are different things)
This is a good chance to find an anchor. "Okay Ram! This is Ragatha, our rag-doll friend, always willing to help patch someone up!"
"Kinger, the king of pillows, bug collections, and is always there for you when you need him." "Bug collection?" Kinger asked, lighting up. "Do you have a bug to give him, Caine?" Caine looks at me, and through the blurriness, I think he might be confused, but he gets a bug for kingwr anyway. Kinger takes it and holds it, observing in wonder.
"This is Zooble! They'll always be around when you need them, and is always willing to offer their opinion." "Great joke, Caine." They bitterly snark.
"This over here is Gangle! Either a comedy or the saddest tragedy depending on what state her mask is in!" Gangle smiles a ' :3 ' and waves. I wave back.
"This is Jax, our friendly rabbit companion! He can make a good joke out of anything!" "A good joke? No, only ever the truth... mostly." Mischievous, I think. Mischievousness usually means wit and creativity. Maybe he could be an anchor. Time would tell.
"This paranoid jester is Pomni! If you want to look for exits or go insane or just have a mental breakdown buddy, she is your go-to pal!"
"Heya Caine! Who is this new person?"
"This over here is Bubble! T-"
"Why are they so tall?"
"Bubble asks a lot of quest-"
"What is their-"
Pop!
End of one-shot, might make more.
Anchor was a concept I wanted to do for a while.It's like your best friend, someone who can navigate your feelings and calm you down; your buddy; your pal; your person.
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straywrds · 1 year
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hello mari, how’s your day going?
i will not lie, i seriously was patiently waiting for the first chapter of honey like crazy. id refresh your blog almost every hour—yes i was that excited, that hooked. i was literally going to kill just to read that chapter. not over exaggerating, trust me.
phew…i just finished reading it, i literally had an entire project to finish after i came back from work but when i saw the chapter on my feed i was like STOP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW and i immediately sat down and just drowned myself into this shit. for thirty minutes straight. i didnt glance away once from my laptop.
ugh…i seriously have no idea where to start. but for now, ill just take a moment to breathe and talk about the way you described hyunjin. insane. insanity. INSANITY. may i know how you did that? you wrote him so….so raw. so mysterious. the darkness that just radiates out of this guy in this…just wow. i have read so many people write hyunjin with a dark aura but NEVER came across the way YOU have done it. it attracted me so much, it is just so…i literally dont have enough vocabulary to describe how your way of writing him had made me feel…and ill never shut up about it.
sweet, something about honey is so sweet. and MARI. we need to talk. HOW CAN YOU JUST TAKE SOMETHING SO ORDINARY, SO SIMPLE, AND MAKE AN ENTIRE FEELING OUT OF IT!!!! i will never be able to explain this—you made an emotion out of mandarins, and now—the entire plot of honey is just so….sweet. call me insane, i can literally taste the honey inside my mouth as i was reading. same for edges, the taste—THE TEXTURE of mandarins just got to my mouth. INSANITY.
i love the way you had engraved lust into hyunjins mystery. i wouldn’t call it desire—i don’t think it had reached to that point yet. but lets recall on honey being so sweet…hyunjin holding himself so hard to just not make mc feel unsafe in any way, despite him nearly busting a nut every time he glances in her direction. and him nearly ending this doctor yun’s life (fuck doctor yun) LIKE HELLO????
dont even get me started with the part where this man literally just took out a blade and split his arm open just to NOT touch her despite her being his wife in this…. i would instantly drop to my knees and take him whole i am shameless. a man doing such a thing… its so sweet, sweet as honey… and you knew how to just carve the sweetness of honey in every corner of this chapter. ugh, its in my chest, deep inside. every time i read something written by you…how can you do that? how can you just manage to make something so simple, so heavy? so deep? dont mind me but this is insane. INSANE. i will never get bored of your writings, i will never get over them. each one of your series just remain there in my head—ITS UNCONTROLLABLE OKAY???
i do not regret leaving my project hanging, this chapter has made me go dizzy im not even kidding. i had to pause and take a deep breath like thirty times. it got me messed up, dont ask how or why—but the way it is so deep, and how i drown myself into your writings just did the deed.
you’re incredible, and i will always remind you of this, mari. even if you don’t believe it.
(you dont need to reply to this on your blog!! its so long im so sorry—i wasnt able to write down my entire commentary on the first chapter of honey but…this is still long. if you want to reply feel free to text me on insta, but if its not a problem with you then share this if you want! i dont mind anything ^^)
–Ava
Hi, thanks for reading! Some people experienced glitching when they tried to reblog on the app, so that must be why. But I appreciate that you took the time to read & to send a message!
Thank you for your kind words about my descriptions... However I can't even take the credit, I feel like he just lives in my brain. I enjoyed crafting this version of him, in a moment when I felt insecure about my writing. It was as if my mind told me, "yes, you must stop censoring yourself" and so I did. And he was born.
I was so afraid to release this, you have no idea. But I couldn't not write him like that, obsessive, a little crazy. He did cut his arm open for her. Like, that's not normal. But I also enjoyed every minute of writing this chapter. It was fun to explore themes that are darker and a little rougher!
As for honey... I love honey. I always have! It's one of my favorite things to eat. When I was little, we couldn't afford the best quality honey. But at some point, I tasted local, organic wildflower honey and it changed my life. Also, the honeyed milk is a real recipe that was "gifted" to me as a love language (and we all know I am not normal about love languages). So, again, thank you for your comments but everything that I write I think, is because I cannot be normal about things!
I'll try to message you on insta soon, I've been so busy lately and my health isn't at its best so it's hard to stay on top of everything but thank you so much again, and I'm so honored that you read my story. I hope everything will be ok with your project! Good luck with it! <3 Sending lots of love.
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simptasia · 3 years
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it’s easy to come to the conclusion that growing up daniel was bullied and had no friends. not only because of. well. his demeanour. but also his reaction to what he thinks is desmond pranking him about time travel. his angry bitter delivery of “you’d think my ESTEEMED colleagues could think of something better than this?” paints a story. he’s angry but he also seems like he’s gonna go off somewhere and cry. so with that in mind, theresa had to be like, the only person in his corner. this naturally really endears me to her. and we know this guy started college as a real young teenager (like to graduate at 16? oof), so everybody else is way older than him. and he’s a genius. and so painfully obviously neurodivergent. he probably has no other friends and certainly no other romances. so theresa was the only one who during that time who truly cared for him, supported him, unconditionally loved him
the whole situation with daniel and theresa is really sweet and eventually deeply sad when you think about it. and i do think about it. a lot
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MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Lessons 18-20
Series Masterlist
T-the season finale… *sniffle* it’s been a wild ride y’all… I’ve never actually written and stuck through with something for so long, so this is a real achievement for me! I really hope you guys have enjoyed this completely weird fluffy/angsty/mildly crackhead adventure! Please enjoy the last part!
All is well, the family is back together, everyone’s fine, the school year is almost over-
Wait, the school year is almost over?
Upon realizing that, everyone settled into a state of mild panic.
MC couldn’t just leave, they were part of the family! An integral part! They were the only thing keeping everyone from murdering each other during family game night!
As for Lucifer’s personal feelings on the matter, things were… tough.
When the exchange program was announced, Lucifer expected it to end like most of Diavolo’s ideas: annoying to clean up, it certainly couldn’t have ended worse than when he and the Crown Prince ended up getting cursed to hold hands for 25 hours straight. What Lucifer didn’t expect was for a child he didn’t even know he had to end up as the human exchange student and for his entire life to be thrown out of whack. That child of his was busy finishing up their final paper of the year.
“Hey, father,” MC looked up from their paper with a cheeky smile. “Do you think that the next exchange student will be as fun as me?”
“I sincerely hope not.” Lucifer sighed, continuing to sift through his paperwork on his desk. “Your kind of ‘excitement’ has completely worn me out.”
“Aw,” MC giggled, then went back to work. “So you don’t want me to stay here then?”
Lucifer stiffened and looked up from his paperwork. “Don’t put words in my mouth, MC.”
“So you do want me to stay. Interesting~” MC said as they began to sweep the eraser shavings off their paper. “Well, if you want me to stay so badly, you could have just asked.”
“P-pardon?” Lucifer blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. “You want to stay?”
“Since you’d be so sad without me, I guess I just have to don’t I?” MC stood suddenly and slapped their finished essay on Lucifer’s desk. “The sacrifices I make for this family, I swear!”
We stand with you, MC, sacrifice your sanity for your weird-ass familia.
Anyway, Lucifer was thrilled that MC wanted to stay with him in the Devildom, the problem was… MC’s other parent may not have been too keen to just give up their baby.
You know, the demon child they raised all by themselves, with no help from Lucifer because he didn’t know MC existed…
Someone get MC’s ren on the phone! Stat!
“Alright dear little brothers of mine, listen closely because I’m not repeating this.” Lucifer looked over the living room couches at the other six rulers of hell. Belphie was sprawled out on one of the couches and was drooling all over Beel’s lap, Satan was making a point to look as disinterested as possible and kept sneaking glances at the book he was holding, and Mammon was wrestling Levi dangerously close to where Asmo was filing his nails.
Sighing in defeat, Lucifer continued. If any of his brothers misbehaved he couldn’t say he didn’t warn them. “MC‘s parent will be coming to visit.”
Everyone’s attention snapped to Lucifer. Wonderful.
“They’ll be staying for a few days and will decide if it’s in MC’s best interest to primarily stay in the Devildom from now on.”
Asmodeus slowly raised a hand. “Luciiiiiiferrrr!”
“Asmo, is your question overly personal in nature?”
The Avatar of lust brought a manicured nail to his cheek and daintily tapped it. “Mmm… I don’t think so.”
“Ask.”
“How long were you and MC’s parent dating for? Won’t it be awkward to be around your ex?”
Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face. “It was a one night thing.”
“Really?” Asmo knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “It wasn’t a long drawn out forbidden romance? You must have had some Olympic swimmers down there!”
“Okay!” Lucifer clapped his hands. “Add that to the list of things Asmo is not allowed to say.”
“We have to take something off the list then…” Beel said through handfuls of chips. “The list’s full.”
“Fine,” Lucifer grumbled. “He can say [CENSORED] again.”
“Yippee! [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]”
The group collectively groaned as Asmo continued to spout his profane nonsense.
“What did I just walk in on..?” MC stood in the doorway to the living room, still in their PJs.
“Oh, MC, your parent’s coming over to stay for a few days.” Lucifer quickly explained.
MC’s face morphed from confusion to horror. “What does that have to do with [CENSORED]?!”
This house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE-
Anyway, after the initial confusion/horror, MC got really excited and rushed off to get ready. Meanwhile, the boys solemnly swore that they would be on their best behaviour!
Everyone needed to convince MC’s parent that everything in the Devildom was perfectly safe and that their little hellspawn was in good responsible hands.
Mammon tried to come up with a plan in case MC wasn’t allowed to stay with them, and let’s just say it involved kidnapping. But like- a chill kind of kidnapping where MC would be totally fine.
This idea was immediately shot down in favour of Beel’s plan B.
Beel would just… eat MC’s parent. No biggie, right?
Lucifer shot that one down the moment he heard it.
The only accepted plan for if MC wasn’t allowed to stay was just letting them go. They’d visit the Devildom. A lot. Many visits would be necessary.
So, the hour of MC’s ren’s arrival had come, and the student council assembled to greet them.
Greet the human. The completely non magical human. Greet them and then let them see the Devildom…
Was this exchange program really that good of an idea..?
MC frantically attempted to do some last minute fixes to their hair as they sat themselves down in their seat in the Assembly Hall. Ugh… stupid hair…
“Why are you so nervous?” Satan asked. “Is our visitor a neat freak basket case?”
“No!” MC huffed. “They’re not! I’m just making myself presentable so they don’t think I’ve gone completely feral down here.”
“Well, feral no, crazy, yes. Have you seen yourself lately?” Belphie snickered.
“SHUT UP BELPHIE.”
“Would you all be quiet?” Lucifer snapped. “You’re all acting like children.”
“I am a child.” MC snapped back. “What’s Belphie’s excuse?”
Belphie’s retort was cut off by the portal opening and a figure leisurely floating to the ground. They had an open parasol in their right hand that seemed to be aiding their gentle descent, and a large container full of what smelled like cookies tucked into their left side. The moment their toes touched the floor, the human gracefully closed their parasol and gave the assembled demons a sparkling smile and a polite bow.
“Thank you for allowing me the honour to visit,” the human’s voice was as soft and sweet as Cotton candy. “It’s a pleasure to officially meet the princes of hell themselves.”
:D yay!
After floating down from the sky like Mary Poppins, MC lost all sense of propriety and ran over to tackle their ren into a hug. It was that kind of thing where you really miss someone but you don’t realize exactly how much until you get to see them again.
Lucifer was, of course, the picture of elegance and “this isn’t awkward at all”-ness.
MC’s parent didn’t even seem to be all that concerned with the fact that their baby daddy was, y'know, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. THE MOST POMPOUS FUCKWAD IN THE DEVILDOM.
Please don’t tell him I said that, he’s still mad about the Go Fund Me…
MC was absolutely ecstatic to finally show their parent how much they’ve grown in terms of their demonic powers and all the friends they had made, but MC’s ren was more concerned with how much they had grown in terms of their height.
“You’re just so tall now,” MC’s ren giggled as they fixed their child’s hair. “You’ll get things off of shelves for me, won’t you?”
“Yeah yeah,” MC said, rolling their eyes good naturedly. “Like you can’t reach anything in your kitchen.”
“Okay,” Mammon, Satan, Levi, Belphie, and Beel were lagging behind Lucifer, MC, their parent, and Diavolo. “Change of plans, we ain’t eatin’ ‘em, we’re keepin’ ‘em.”
“We were never going to eat them in the first place, idiot.” Satan sneered. “And what’s with the change of tune? You were ready to wage war on the human world fifteen minutes ago.”
“…cookies happened.” Mammon mumbled. He had only gotten one of the human’s totally amazing offerings before Beel proceeded to eat everything. The cookie was perfect… so delicious…
“I say we keep the human.” Beel put a hand on his stomach. “I want more human world cookies.”
“They’re so cute too…” Asmo cooed. “A solid 10/10, and that’s such a rare ranking coming from the only 20/10 in existence!”
“Asmo, your vanity never ceases to make me want to roll over and-” Belphie’s insult was interrupted by him passing out and letting out a cartoonishly loud snore. It was a good thing Beel was able to quickly catch and throw Belphie over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.
“Asmo has a point, they’re just so totally moe! Kawaii to the highest degree! That parasol, the homemade cookies, it’s just like something from a slice of life anime!” Levi squee-ed.
“So it’s settled, we treat ‘em nice, then we get ‘em to stay.” Mammon nodded to the rest of his brothers, who for the first time in the Demon King knows how long, his little brothers nodded back in full seriousness. They were actually doing a Mammon plan! Holy shit!
So, the brothers liked MC’s ren, what about Diavolo and Barbatos?
Well, MC’s ren had heard all about Barbatos’ amazing cooking from MC and Barb’s totally outstanding reputation, so the two got along swimmingly.
Dia. Loved. That. Human. They’re cute???? They’re sweet???? They brought COOKIES???! They don’t seem to be afraid of him at all????? Please be the exchange student next year :D
Oh yeah… he made a rule that said they couldn’t summon someone with kids… it would be cruel to rip a parent away from their child…
But apparently not a child away from their parent cough cough
Other than the uncle squad, MC’s ren got to meet the Purgatory Hall gang too!
MC was being just the most adorable tour guide, but that didn’t stop Lucifer from having a miniature heart attack any time a demon even looked at MC’s parent the wrong way. If MC’s ren got attacked or felt threatened in any way shape or form, he could say bye bye to his time with the one person in the HOL that didn’t live to make him pop a forehead vein. The human seemed outwardly unconcerned with any Devildom oddness and was amicably chatting with Diavolo while MC pulled them from place to place.
“And that’s Hell’s Kitchen, they have good sandwiches, and that’s Madame Scream’s, they have really good macarons.” MC helpfully pointed out the places as they passed them.
A much to familiar trio of voices called out from down the street. Father dammit, why were they here..?
“Hello Lucifer, what are you all up too?” Ugh… Simeon…
“From the sight of the rest of your brothers skulking about, it appears like they’re acting as bodyguards.” Solomon…
“MC? Who’s that?”
Oh good grief… that nasally little voice… the chihuahua was near… Now… Lucifer was a respectable demon… respectable demons don’t tease children in front of the parent of their child…
“Hello chihuahua.”
DAMN IT HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF!
“I’m not a chihuahua you demon!” Luke yapped.
MC’s parent daintily tilted their head and looked over at MC. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”
“Right, Luke, this is my ren, ren, this is a chihuahua.” MC grinned cheekily as they gestured between the two. Lucifer suppressed a laugh which resulted in a very ugly snort. It was a good thing the sound was drowned out by Luke’s exclamations of betrayal.
The chorus of “how could you?!”s and “I thought you were over that awful nickname!”s was put to an abrupt halt when the visiting human elegantly offered a handshake to the fuming angel.
“MC spoke very highly of you,” they chirped. “It’s very nice to meet you, Luke.”
Luke blinked a few times, then quickly straightened his posture, adjusted his hat, then shook MC’s ren’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you too.”
“That’s Simeon.” MC jerked a thumb in Simeon’s direction. “And that’s Solomon.”
“Luke got a whole introduction and we get that? Come on MC, I thought we were friends.” Solomon fake pouted at MC after giving a polite nod to MC’s parent.
“We stopped being friends after one of the potions you had me test out turned me into a-” as quick as lighting, Mammon had shoved his hand into MC’s face.
“A-ah, MC’s rememberin’ stuff wrong, nothin’ potion related happened to ‘em. Right, Solomon???!”
Taking the hint from Mammon, Solomon smiled and nodded. “Nope, nothing related to turning MC into a frog for a few hours.”
“Hm, well I’m quite happy that absolutely nothing frog transformation related happened.” MC’s parent said.
“Yeah, must’ve hit their head on somethin- YEEEOW!” MC had bitten down on Mammon’s hand and slapped it away from them.
“I did not hit my head on anything!”
“Yeah,” Beel nodded. “Nothing’s hit them since the Fangol ball.”
“The what ball?” MC’s ren asked.
“The Fangol ball that hit MC a few months back and broke their glasses.” Five of the brothers slapped their hands to their foreheads.
“Oh my…”
“Eh,” MC patted their ren on the arm. “That’s nothing compared to the giant snake at the retreat.”
“Oh! Do you mind letting me tell that story, MC?”
Lucifer was frantically signalling for Diavolo to stop talking but the crown prince was already beginning his retelling of the events. Luke would chime in with an anecdote from an even worse misadventure the two had gone out on every once and a while. This… this wasn’t going well at all…
MC’s ren was… weirdly chill about the whole thing…
“Oh, it’s so nice that you’re having fun, sweetheart. That reminds me of when I was young and your aunt Clytemnestra and I would go out and have adventures.” “Really? You went on weird adventures too?” “…what kind of adventures could possibly compare to being chased by a giant snake in an underground labyrinth..?”
The side characters ended up needing to abscond for various reasons and all that was left was the brothers, MC, and MC’s parent.
They made it to the HOL without issue, which is when Lucifer remembered that he did not put all the cursed objects out of reach… shit.
“Asmo… Asmo!” “What is it?” “Take MC’s ren out of the house in half an hour, keep them occupied in the living room!” “What? Why?” “I need more time to human-proof the house! Distract them, but no funny business!” “Dear brother, for the first time in a very long time funny business is the second thing on my mind! Wait… no, it’s the third… what have I become..?”
Asmo and Satan, super graciously by the way, led MC and their ren to the living room to distract- I mean entertain them for a bit!
Lucifer and the rest of the gang got to work moving certain things around and closing certain doors- shit where was Cerberus?! Did Lucifer forget to walk him that morning?!
So much to dooooooo…
So maybe bringing a human into Majolish and letting them roam around unsupervised wasn’t the best idea Satan and Asmo had, but it sure as heck was an idea. MC looked through shelves of hairpins and bracelets while their ren disappeared around a corner to look at scarves.
“We’re doing such a great job babysitting!” Asmo clapped his hands. “If MC had just been a normal human I bet they’d last the entire year under our care.”
“Hm, you might be right.” Satan smiled and nodded. “Humans are surprisingly entertaining.”
“Yes… speaking of, where exactly is the human?”
The sudden sound of metal slamming against flesh and the delayed sound of something incredibly heavy hitting the floor jolted Asmo and Satan from their conversation.
“Honestly, some people have no fucking manners!”
It was such a different voice than what Satan and Asmo were used to that the only thing that tipped them off to it being MC’s ren was the fact that MC began to giggle. MC’s ren stepped back into view carrying a metal staff that quickly transformed back to their parasol.
Asmo and Satan rushed over to check if their defenceless little human guest was okay, only to find some lesser demon passed out on the floor with an incredibly nasty bump on the side of their head.
“I’ve heard that humans are apparently quite delicious to demons but I didn’t expect someone to actually try and eat me.”
“I-um…” Satan sputtered, looking from Asmo to MC’s parent. “We’re uh…”
“You alright, ren?” MC called from over by the bracelet shelves.
“Yes, I’m alright.” MC’s ren gave the fourth and fifth born a calming smile. “No harm done, well, except to that poor bastard. I do hope I haven’t killed him… that would be such a nasty thing for the poor sales associates to find.”
Okay so maybe the defenceless human wasn’t so defenceless. That was a good thing… right?
“So where exactly did you manage to get your hands on such a weapon..?” “Ah, I come from a family of witches. This was a college graduation present.”
…doit doit seems legit.
The four made it back home just in time, Lucifer and the others had finished human proofing the house.
Yay!
The house tour went by smoothly, everything was all well and good until Beel and Belphie asked MC’s ren to make more cookies.
Oh god dammit the human said they would.
“Oh Beel, you shouldn’t eat the cookie dough raw… the eggs and raw flour will make you sick!” “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. Besides, it’s best not to interrupt Beel while he’s eating.” “Yeah it might end like the custard incident.” “Custard… incident?” “MC and Mammon ate my custard and I ended up breaking the wall that connected to MC’s room.” “Hunger tantrums, am I right?”
After that it was Mammon and Levi’s turn to babysit. It went about as well as you’d think.
Levi explained some anime plot in an attempt to make it seem like the Devildom was totally safe and that MC and their ren could stay forever no problem, while Mammon desperately suppressed the urge to swipe the cool parasol.
Finally, it was time for the verdict. Would MC be allowed to stay in the Devildom..? Or would they go back to the human world..?
“Lucifer?”
The demon in question looked up from his paperwork and tried to nod in the most casual way possible. MC’d ren was standing in the doorway, Lucifer must have missed their knock. “Yes? Do you need something?”
MC’s ren smiled and nodded. “It’s about MC’s living situation going forward.”
Lucifer stiffened and got up from his desk. “Y-yes… what about it?”
“MC has expressed that they want to stay here full time with frequent visits to the human world.” The softness that their voice had earlier in the day was completely absent as the human stepped forward into the study and closed the door behind them. “I want to know what you think about that.”
“Well,” Lucifer cleared his throat and tried to shake off the stupid sense of nervousness that had wrapped itself around him. A weak little human’s decision should not make him so anxious! “I would like for MC to stay here as well, I think it would be best for them.”
The human raised an eyebrow and twirled their parasol in their hand. “Really now? In your year with them you truly believe you know what’s best for them?”
Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. I do.”
MC’s ren went quiet for a few seconds before replying. “I see.”
“And that means..?”
“I knew this day would come, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon.” MC’s ren sighed, and for the first time all day, they actually let their exhaustion show. “I raised MC knowing that one day they’d end up in the Devildom. They’ve told me over and over again how much they like it down here…” the human took a deep breath and slowly shook their head. “If this is what they want… then I give my permission for them to stay with you.”
A wave of relief swept over Lucifer as he finally took a breath. “Thank you.”
“Mm… I’m going to have to use my favour though.”
The relief completely vanished as the Avatar of Pride’s blood ran cold. Memories flooded back from the one night the pair had spent together, the human had offered a cursed record to him that he had spent decades trying to find, in exchange, Lucifer let them have one favour. A favour from a demon was like a single pact order, Lucifer had to do literally anything this human wanted.
“Protect MC, even if it costs you your life.” The human’s words were careful and measured as Lucifer felt the order sink in. “You’ll do that for them, right Lucifer?”
Lucifer nodded as life flooded back into his limbs. “I would have done it without the order.”
So, the brother’s plan to make MC’s ren stay forever failed because they were going back to the human world with MC for summer vacation. Listen, it was needed, MC needed to see the sun lest they shrivel like a sad houseplant.
At least Lucifer technically had primary custody of his little heathen! Victory!
MC said their goodbyes to the friends they had made over the year as they prepared to leave for the next two months, it was filled with so many bone-crushing hugs that MC was surprised that their spine didn’t snap.
MC and Luke had lagged behind the much larger group as they made their way to the assembly hall. MC’s ren was dazzling the miniature crowd with stories of just how adorable MC was as a little kid. The half demon rolled their eyes and silently mourned the loss of any cool points they had gained over the year. Their little companion was oddly quiet, MC lightly nudged him and smiled.
“Aren’t you happy to be going home? You’ve been griping about being stuck down here the entire year. Don’t tell me you’re getting sappy, Luke.”
Luke puffed his cheek out and crossed his arms. “Of course I’m happy to be leaving, the Celestial Realm is the best place ever, the Devildom is completely terrible in every way.”
MC smirked and rolled their eyes again. Just let the little guy go on his rant…
“But… I am going to miss you…” Luke mumbled, MC’s eyebrows shot upwards as they turned their head to look at him. “Th-thanks for being my friend down here… MC. You’re… you’re really nice.”
To their absolute horror, MC felt a lump form in their throat. Oh dear Grandfather… the chihuahua was what broke them?! They quickly looked around to see if anyone was paying attention, then quickly pulled Luke into a hug. The hug was over as fast as it began, but it seemed that Luke didn’t particularly care and was more shocked at the sudden bout of affection.
“If anyone, and I mean anyone asks, I didn’t hug you.” MC murmured, quickly swiping at their eyes.
Luke nodded, a small smile spread across his face. “Got it!”
So the side characters left… *sniffle* everything’s okay… the DDDs work in any of the realms… they could still talk.
Soon, it was time for the final sets of goodbyes…
“Come on, Bean, we’re going to the human world!” MC tried to take the cat from Satan, who didn’t move a muscle.
“If you think you’re taking the cat from here, you’re delusional.” Satan’s smile didn’t leave his face, but the force behind his words was almost enough to make MC back off. Almost…
“My caaaaaat!” MC whined, they ended up getting lightly pushed away by Satan.
“Remember, the summer’s a good time to catch up on anime!” Levi advised. “There’s 24 hours in a day, and an average anime episode is 22 minutes long, you have loads of time!”
“I’ll keep up with my anime only if you promise to listen to the Death Note musical, Levi.” MC giggled and patted Levi on the shoulder.
“Remember MC, take care of your cuticles and your skin.” Asmo took MC’s hand and checked their fingernails. “They were an absolute mess before you got here, so I expect you to keep up your routines this summer!”
“Yeeeeeeeeeeees siiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr.”
“Bye MC,” Beel handed MC a half opened cup of custard. “I almost ate it, but I didn’t. Make sure you don’t skip any meals this summer.
MC jumped up and gave Beel a quick hug. “Thanks Beel! I’ll be sure to enjoy the custard!”
“Bye, MC. See you next year.” Belphie stood awkwardly stiff, not exactly sure what to do. MC pursed their lips, then quickly wrapped him up in a hug.
“Bye Belphie, I hope all your pillow forts are structurally unsound.”
The avatar of sloth snickered and rested his head on MC’s. “I hope you get really comfortable and are fully ready to go to sleep, then realize you have to pee.”
MC gasped in fake offence and swatted Belphie on the arm.
Mammon put both his hands on MC’s shoulders, his face unusually serious. “Do ya remember what the great Mammon took painstakin’ effort to teach ya?”
“Payday loans are scams, witches are scary, bowline knots are the easiest to undo, don’t wear reflective sunglasses to a poker game aaaaaaaand…” MC grinned mischievously. “Any plan thought up by the Great Mammon should be subject to intense revision.”
“That’s ri- hey!” Mammon laughed and shoved MC towards Lucifer.
MC looked up at Lucifer, the pride demon looked down at them fondly. He reached out and gently ruffled their hair. “I’ll see you next year, MC.”
“Y-yeah…”
Lucifer crouched down slightly to get to their level and gave MC a smile. “I’m very proud of you, you’ve been an immense help this year. Thank you for everything.”
“Thanks for not being a stereotypical supervillain dad, father.” MC smiled softly and fixed their glasses. “Loveyoubye!”
MC turned and rushed to their ren’s side as Lucifer let out a soft chuckle.
“I love you too, MC.”
As Barbatos readied the portal to send the pair to the human world, MC couldn’t wipe the grin off their face. Geez, if this year was a metric mess of fun and insanity… what was the next year going to be like? The half demon’s grin morphed into a bit of a smirk. No way in hell their next year in the Devildom was going to be as insane as their first year.
MC almost giggled as they gave their family one last wave. That wasn’t the time to think about the future, besides, MC knew that it would take two insane chaotic humans to be summoned into the Devildom to even come close to the chaos MC managed to create, both on purpose and by accident.
And what were the odds of that happening?
——————
Authors Note: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS DONE SEASON ONE IS DONE!
I wasn’t able to fit the Anti Lucifer League stuff into this one, I’ll put it in a separate fic later!
I NOW NEED TO WORK ON GETTING THROUGH SEASON 2 IN THE ACTUAL GAME. To get mildly serious for a second, thanks to everyone who has stuck around to listen to me spout my fic-y nonsense, you all are nerds (affectionate) and I love you.
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night-writer-writer · 3 years
Text
Back at it again, with incorrect quotes. Featuring the bad batch.
Hunter: Dumbest scar stories, go! Wrecker: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Tech: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Echo: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Crosshair: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Omega: Omega: I have emotional scars.
(I bet 20 bucks that omega gets a ton of emotional trauma.)
Hunter: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Wrecker: >:O language Tech: Yeah watch your fucking language Echo: OKAY WHO TAUGHT TECH THE FUCK WORD? Crosshair: 'The fuck word'. Omega: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Tech: Oh my god they censored it Crosshair: Say fuck, Omega. Tech: Do it, Omega. Say fuck.
Hunter: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Wrecker: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Tech: More or less, I guess... Echo: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Crosshair: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Omega: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!
Hunter: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat* Wrecker: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents Hunter: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you Tech: Actually I did the math, Wrecker would have $225, not $0.15. Wrecker: Fam I’m right here.... Echo: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :) Hunter: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please? Echo: Sorry I only have a dollar Hunter: :( Tech: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Wrecker would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent Echo: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice Tech: You can buy anything you want with $22,500 Crosshair: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice Tech: Apply juice to what Omega: Directly to the forehead Wrecker: Great chat everyone
Hunter: We need to distract these guys Wrecker: Leave it to me Wrecker: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Tech, Echo, and Crosshair: *Immediately begin arguing* Omega, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
Hunter: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Wrecker: What if it bites me and it dies!? Tech: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Wrecker, learn to listen. Echo: What if it bites itself and I die? Crosshair: That’s voodoo. Omega: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Wrecker: That’s correlation, not causation. Echo: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Crosshair: That’s kinky. Hunter: Oh my God.
(crosshair there is a child-)
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Hunter: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Wrecker: ...I did. I broke it. Hunter: No. No you didn't. Tech? Tech: Don't look at me. Look at Echo. Echo: What?! I didn't break it. Tech: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Echo: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Tech: Suspicious. Echo: No, it's not! Crosshair: If it matters, probably not, but Omega was the last one to use it. Omega: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Crosshair: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Omega: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Crosshair! Wrecker: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Hunter. Hunter: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Crosshair: Hunter... Tech's been awfully quiet. Tech: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Hunter, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Hunter: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Hunter: Hunter: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Hunter: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one! Wrecker: Tubular AF! Tech: Mood to the max! Echo, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it. Crosshair, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.
Hunter: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do? Wrecker: Have everyone stand. Tech: Bring three more chairs! Echo: The most important ones can sit down. Crosshair: Kill three.
Kevin no
Wrecker: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Echo: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Tech: I recorded the dumb stuff. Crosshair: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Hunter: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
Hunter: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife? Wrecker: Rude. Tech: That’s fair. Echo: Not again. Crosshair: Are you going to want this back?
Hunter: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back. Omega: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.
Crosshair: Hah! 69! You know what that means? Omega: What? Tech: That you're a child. Wrecker: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?
Hunter: Wake me up… Omega: Before you go go! Tech: When September ends… Crosshair: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-
Hunter, setting down a card: Ace of spades Omega, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Tech, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Echo, trembling: What are we playing
Hunter: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos. Omega: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Tech: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos? Echo: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
Crosshair: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. Omega: This knife is actually a magic wand. Tech: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. Echo: *cocks gun* Magic missile. Hunter: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
Hunter: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Omega: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies Crosshair: Socks are Feetie Heaties Echo: Forks are Stabby Grabbies Omega: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties Crosshair: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies Echo: Stamps are Lickie Stickies Tech, annoyed: You are disappointments
Hunter: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. wrecker: ... Your what? Hunter: My friends. Tech: Are they saying “friends”? Echo: I think they're being sarcastic. Crosshair: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Hunter! All of your friends are in this room. Hunter: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
Hunter: Nothing in life is free. wrecker: Love is free! Echo: Adventure is free. Tech: Knowledge is free. Crosshair: Everything is free if you take it without paying.
Wrecker: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real? Tech: Uhm, never seen one. Wrecker: Okay, I mean, there's a lot of things that you can't see that are real. Tech: What can't I see? Wrecker: You can't see gravity. That's real. Tech: Yeah, I can drop an apple. Wrecker: Fuck.
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Text
Incorrect Quotes 4
Ships: 
Errorink (lol I dont have much Errorink in my posts still, sorry)
Kreme/Driller 
Crossmare
Dustberry
Horrorlust
Scifell
Afterdeath 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geno, to Ink: I dare you to—
Dream: Ink isn’t allowed to accept dares.
Ink: Apparently I have ”no regard for my personal safety”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: Do you miss the imagination of childhood?
Cross: I never had one.
Dust: An imagination or a childhood?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: *accidentally hits Error in the face*
Horror: *trying to decide between saying “I’m fucking sorry” and “are you okay?”
Horror: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Do you like my outfit?
Dream: Not as much as I like what's underneath it.
Killer, blushing: I- Dre-  
Dream: I need your chair. Get up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: Do you know when you know someone, and you see that they have another, like, life away from you and it feels weird?
Dust: Like when you see your teacher in the grocery store weird, or like when someone you’ve known for a long time starts wearing a cowboy hat weird?
Horror: The… The first thing weird
Dust: Oh, that’s good, ‘Cause I was thinking about getting a cowboy hat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross: You read my diary?!
Dream: At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: Sorry, but you're under arrest for robbery.
Horror: What did I steal?
Lust, trying not to cry: My heart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: Killer and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Cross: *Sighing* What did Killer do?
Dream: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Killer: Who wants a steering wheel?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Killer: *chugs entire bottle*
Killer: It’s perfume.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today.
Dream: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a jerk!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer, tending to Dream's wounds: How would you rate your pain?
Dream: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Horror, drinking toast: Why do you say that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao
Horror: What did you do!?
Dust: A MISTAKE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Horror: But – that’s just a trash can.
Dust: It sure is!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fell: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Sci: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Fell:
Fell: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sci: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise
Fell: I beg to differ
Sci: Then Beg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: You’re a lying, cheating, piece of shit! You’re not the person I married!
Blue: Fine then! We’re getting a divorce! And i’m taking the kids!
Dream, pushing the monopoly board away from them: …maybe we should stop playing…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!
Ink: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: *dials 911*
Killer: hey i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink: Things have actually been going really well with Error. Our friendship is in a really good place.
Ink: Last week I said, “Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?” Instead of saying, “Shut up, Ink,” they said, “Okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: *signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: Tonight, we feast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Error or Nightmare: *kicks “G” off Graveyard sign*
Error or Nightmare: Let’s get this party started.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reaper: Did Geno just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Cross: Yeah.
Reaper: And did I do finger guns back?
Cross: Yeah, you did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sci: Name one time I haven’t acted professional
Geno: You’re holding a juice box right now
Sci: It’s to stop me from spilling my juice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The Bad Sanses response to I love you*
Killer: Thanks fam!
Horror: oh no
Dust: *cries* I love you too
Cross: Sounds fake but okay
Error: *A flustered mess*
Nightmare: can i get a refund
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sci: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Blue: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Sci: Then you’re poisonous.
Dream: What if it bites itself and I die?
Sci: That’s voodoo.
Error: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Sci: That’s correlation, not causation.
Horror: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Ink & Killer at the same time: That’s kinky.
Sci: Oh my God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: Truth or dare?
Lust: Dare
Blue: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room
Lust: Hey Ink. 
Ink: Yeah?
Lust: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Geno. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Horror: Okay, but in my defense, Dust bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Killer: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The group is getting into the car*
Lust: I’m driving.
Geno, out of view: Shotgun!
Sci, turning to face Geno: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Geno: WOAH-
Geno, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A random stranger: Go to Hell
Nightmare, tearing up: I wish I could
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Error: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: You know how I roll.
Killer: And I’m not talking about that time I fell into a pile of dung at the foot of a hill.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Fell: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Dust: Oh, I’m always running
Dust: The question is from what
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE
Fell: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially
Blue, desperately, as Fell bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Fell: Oh! B positive.
Blue: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Fell:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: So what’s for dinner?
Dust, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: Hey, you want some leftovers?
Cross: What's that?
Nightmare: You've never had leftovers???
Cross: No, because I'm not a quitter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Cross: Thank you
Nightmare: I didn't say that was a good thing
Cross: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sci, pointing: May I sit there?
Fell: That's my lap
Sci: That doesn't answer my question, Fell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
Dream: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Blue: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Ink: edible
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Can I copy the homework?'
Horror: I can help you with it!
Killer: Yeah, sure.
Dust: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
Error: lol nope.
Cross: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Nightmare: *Read 5:55pm*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Horror: >:O language
Dust: Yeah watch your fucking language
Cross: OKAY WHO TAUGHT DUST THE FUCK WORD?
Error: 'The fuck word'.
Killer: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Dust: Oh my god they censored it
Error: Say fuck, Killer.
Dust: Do it, Killer. Say fuck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Croissants: dropped
Horror: Road: works ahead
Dust: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Cross: Shavacado: fre
Error: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Nightmare:
Nightmare, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Horror: Okay, but what is updog?
Dust: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Cross: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Error: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Killer: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Nightmare: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Cross: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Dust: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Horror: What’s a henway??
Nightmare: Oh, about five pounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Horror: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Error: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Cross: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Dust: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Nightmare:
Nightmare: I have emotional scars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Horror: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Killer: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Error: Actually I did the math, Horror would have $225, not $0.15.
Horror: Fam I’m right here....
Cross: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Killer: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Cross: Sorry I only have a dollar
Killer: :(
Error: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Horror would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Cross: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Error: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Dust: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice
Error: Apply juice to what
Nightmare: Directly to the forehead
Horror: Great chat everyone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Horror: Have everyone stand.
Cross: Bring three more chairs.
Error: The most important ones can sit down.
Dust: Kill three.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: You're a loose cannon, Horror.
Horror: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Error: I think you play by your own rules.
Cross: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.
Killer: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Horror: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Dust is a loose cannon.
Dust: *smashes a chair*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross: Are we really going to let Error keep Horror?
Killer: We kept Dust.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Good morning.
Horror: Good morning.
Error: Good morning.
Cross: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Dust: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Horror: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Dust: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Cross: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Horror: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Dust: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Cross: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Error, annoyed: You are disappointments
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: What’s something you guys are better than Killer at?
Error: Mario Kart.
Cross: Yeah, video games.
Horror: Emotional vulnerability.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Horror: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Cross: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Killer: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Error: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited
Geno: If?
Sci: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and he might not even die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him
Geno: You did WHAT–
Sci: William Snakepeare
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.
Geno: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.
Sci: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.
Geno: You people already know too much about me.
Sci: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Geno: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Sci: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Geno: Good thinking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.
Lust: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
229 notes · View notes
canary3d-obsessed · 3 years
Text
Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 13, second part
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Distractions) 
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
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This Fucking Turtle
The rock that Wei Wuxian and Wen Chao are standing on starts to move, because of course it does. It’s a tortoise shell, sort of. There are some problems with this ostensible tortoise. 
First, Murder Turtle a tortoise is technically a turtle don't @ me doesn't look anything like a turtle. I try really hard not to project my western mythologies onto Chinese works, but god dang this thing looks like the Loch Ness monster.
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Second, its shell wobbles a bit, but there's no indication that the creature can move around the cave until much later. During an extended fight with several tasty cultivators, it stays put and just moves its head around.  
The immobility problem aside, it's not a terrible monster. After the hell dog, I'm relieved to have a normal CGI beastie where some things are done really pretty well. Its eyes and skin are particularly good.
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What's not good are the teeth. When Murder Turtle closes its mouth, its long pointy upper teeth have nowhere to go, so they pierce its lower jaw and just sink in there. No wonder it's pissed off.
Its relationship with its shell is...well, let's save that for the next episode.
Irons in the Fire
Meanwhile,  Wang Lingjiao (Wen Chao's girlfriend) decides she's in the mood for barbequed MianMian, so she grabs a hot iron to burn her face.
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Wei Wuxian to the rescue! He shoots three arrows at once and hits all three of his targets, in a move that he'll repeat with even more arrows at a later date.
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Wang Lingjiao decides to throw the iron at MianMian, who decides not to duck, while Wei Wuxian leaps into the path of the iron and gets deeply burned on the chest through his clothing. This is absolutely definitely how time, things flying through the air, and branding irons work.
(more after the cut)
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Jiang Cheng and Wen Zhuliu start fighting again. These two can't quit each other, almost like they have a date with destiny in their future.  Jiang Cheng shows off his purple bloomers while he and Wen Zhuliu try to outspin each other.
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Camera operator: Why you gotta take it out on me?
Wen It’s Time To Say Goodbye
The Wens decide to dip, heading up the rock face and cutting the ropes behind them, which would be super inconvenient if several of the cultivators didn't know how to literally fly.
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But they also put a bunch of rocks in the hole, while Wen Qing begs them not to do it.
Down at the bottom of the cave, everyone sits and chats, while Murder Turtle wishes it had legs so it could chase them. Oh wait, it does have legs, it just isn't ready to get out of the bath yet
Call the Waaambulance
MianMian is crying over all the nonsense the writers have put her through in this episode, and Wei Wuxian tries to cheer her up by talking to her like she's a toddler. On the plus side, he'll be a great dad for a toddler one day.
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Jin Zixuan: I'm used to women crying around me, is that not typical?
Lan Wangji has got no time for cheering up crying girls, and starts heading back to the turtle bath, because he has figured out how they can escape. 
He and Wei Wuxian show off their mind reading abilities, where Lan Wangji explains absolutely nothing and Wei Wuxian perfectly understands him. See also: “Fortunately.” 
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Rather than try to swim for it, the other cultivators want to hang around and wait to be rescued, or just generally feel like staying put and whining. 
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Wei Wuxian takes charge through sheer force of personality, and makes Jiang Cheng go find the way out while he himself distracts Murder Turtle with fire.
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Wei Wuxian can make talismans without 1. ink 2. a brush or 3. paper. He just needs his flesh and his unusually sharp incisors. He's so far ahead of everyone around him; how is a dude this talented ever going to be anyone's right hand man? He’s already on track to creating a new talisman-based school of cultivation, even if he never gets around to the whole necromancy thing.  
Swimming in the Pool, Swimming is Cool
The main group of cultivators go swimming while Wei Wuxian lights fires to keep the tortoise's attention. For some reason he just stands there when it's about to eat him...maybe he's mesmerized? Lan Wangji flings him out of harm’s way and gets his already-busted leg chomped on. 
Wei Wuxian pulls Lan Wangji to safety and tells the other cultivators to get going. Jiang Cheng doesn't want to, but Jin Zixuan convinces him.
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For fans of homoerotic screen caps, this episode is a gold mine.
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Murder turtle suddenly remembers he has legs, but Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji instantly find a room he can’t fit into, so they’re okay for the night.
Owie Owie Owie
Now we have an extended hurt/comfort session with our wounded heroes. Lan Wangji is bleeding, so Wei Wuxian...puts a splint made of sticks directly onto his unbandaged lacerations, and ties it with his pristine headband, which will remain pristine. Then he puts medicine on the lacerations.
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This seems like a situation where the script said "broken leg" and the makeup department said "MOAR BLOOD" and nobody changed the direction to the actors. In any case, the sticks seem to help and bandages are not mentioned.
What is mentioned, of course, is the dreaded stale blood, which plagues many a c-drama hero, and has to be driven out through strong emotion. This is totally how the human circulatory system works. To be fair, there is probably a perfectly reasonable underlying concept in Chinese medicine that has been exaggerated for dramatic effect, so that every possible ailment or injury results in vomiting blood, sometimes sexily.
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Wei Wuxian clears up the blood problem super quickly by offering to show Lan Wangji his dick, not to put too fine a point on it. Alas, he retracts the offer once the crisis has passed.
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Once they settle down, Lan Wangji takes the opportunity to put some medicine on Wei Wuxian's burned tit, and to chide him for letting himself get injured. It's like he doesn't even know him. 
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Wei Wuxian: I had no choice, because I am psychologically driven to sacrifice myself for other people at every opportunity. Get used to it, cupcake.
Wei Wuxian points out that MianMian is pretty and that it would be bad for her to have a mark on her face. Lan Wangji points out, not quite in so many words, that Wei Wuxian is pretty and now HE has a permanent mark. Before Lan Wangji ever got to see his bare chest, too.
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Wei Wuxian says it's cool for men to have marks on their bodies. Preferably hickeys and rope burns, but scars are okay too. 
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Lan Wangji: you're going to love my future body mods, then.
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Then Wei Wuxian waxes poetic about having a pretty girl remember your heroism, and Lan Wangji gets jealous and cranky. Wei Wuxian misinterprets this, but not unreasonably, considering that Lan Wangji was putting his own body between MianMian and harm not all that long ago.
After some extended eye fucking followed by laughing and saying "no homo" for the censors, the conversation moves to a more serious place. 
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Wei Wuxian engages in a little WangXian meta analysis, noting that Lan Wangji can tease him now, and is talking to him slightly more. Falling for a high-spirited, popular extrovert has been hard on Lan Wangji, but Wei Wuxian is also struggling with falling for a nearly-silent, crushingly-shy introvert. Wei Wuxian really does find Lan Wangji boring on one level, at the same time as finding him utterly compelling on other levels. 
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Wei Wuxian starts to say something about the Lans and stops himself with this charming gesture. I've seen it here and there in c-dramas and I assume it's a thing in China. It's a perfect way for a hyperactive talker to say "I'm shutting up now" without using even more words to say it.
Lan Wangji finally, FINALLY tells Wei Wuxian - briefly - what happened to his home. Wei Wuxian, in one of those moments of empathy that they have more and more often as time goes on, asks about his loved ones, and forgoes any other questions.
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Lan Wangji tells him that Lan Qiren is seriously injured and Lan Xichen is missing. Wei Wuxian is extremely concerned about one of these people.
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When Lan Wangji falls asleep at 9pm on the button, Wei Wuxian tenderly covers him in his own robe, offering physical comfort in place of the emotional comfort Lan Wangji won’t let anybody give him. 
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Then Wei Wuxian gazes at him like a lovestruck dope, before settling down beside him for the night. 
Soundtrack: Peter Gabriel, I Go Swimming
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crying-in-a-stall · 3 years
Text
Incorrect Sanders Sides
Virgil: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Roman: >:O language Patton: Yeah watch your fucking language Janus: OKAY WHO TAUGHT PATTON THE FUCK WORD? Roman: 'The fuck word'. Logan: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Roman: Oh my god they censored it Remus: Say fuck, Logan. Virgil: Do it, Logan. Say fuck.
Virgil: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Roman: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Janus: More or less, I guess... Patton: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Remus: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Logan: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!
Roman: Hewwo. Patton: Hihiiiiii! Logan: Greetings, Humans. Janus: Three kinds of people. Virgil: I want pudding. Janus: Four kinds of people. Remus: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? Janus: Five kinds of people.
Logan: Just be yourself. Virgil: 'Be myself'? Logan, I have one day to win Roman over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Patton: Couple weeks. Remus: Six months. Janus: Jury’s still out. Virgil: See, Logan? Virgil: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?
Virgil: Croissants; dropped Roman: Road; works ahead Remus: BBQ sauce; on my titties Patton: Shavacado; fre Janus: Miss Keisha; fuckin dead Logan: Logan, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
Patton: We need to distract these guys Remus: Leave it to me Remus: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Logan, Roman, and Janus: *Immediately begin arguing* Virgil, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.
Virgil: Rules are made to be broken. Logan: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Patton: Uh, piñatas. Remus: Glow sticks. Janus: Karate boards. Roman: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Virgil: Rules. Logan: …
Logan: Dumbest scar stories, go! Roman: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Patton: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Remus: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Janus: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Virgil: … Virgil: I have emotional scars.
Logan: Anyone d- Virgil: Depressed? Roman: Drained? Patton: Dumb? Remus: Disliked? Janus: Distrusted? Logan: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …
Patton: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Virgil: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years! Janus: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this! Roman: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Remus: My moral code, is that you? Logan: ... Patton: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?
Janus: Nothing in life is free. Patton: Love is free! Roman: Adventure is free. Logan: Knowledge is free. Virgil and Remus at the same time: Everything is free if you take it without paying.
Patton: What does 'take out' mean? Logan: Food. Roman: Dating Virgil: Murder Remus: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.
Remus: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Janus: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Virgil: I recorded the dumb stuff. Patton: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Logan: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
Janus: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Roman: 'Prettiest Smile' Patton: 'Nicest Personality' Remus: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Virgil: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
Logan: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do? Virgil: Have everyone stand. Patton: Bring three more chairs! Janus: The most important ones can sit down. Remus: Kill three.
Logan: Good morning. Patton: Good morning. Roman: Good morning. Thomas: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Virgil: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS
Patton: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Remus: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies Janus: Socks are Feetie Heaties Virgil: Forks are Stabby Grabbies Remus: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties Virgil: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies Janus: Stamps are Lickie Stickies Logan, annoyed: You are disappointments Roman: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Logan: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Patton: Three of us saw it, Logan. How do you explain that? Logan: *points at Janus* Sleep deprivation. *points at Virgil* Paranoia. *points at Remus* Delusional personality disorder. And you just believe everything, Patton.
Janus: Favorite horror movie? Remus: It Logan: Saw Roman: Annabelle Virgil: High School Musical. After watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics
Virgil: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Remus: ... Your what? Virgil: My friends. Janus: Are they saying “friends”? Remus: I think they're being sarcastic. Janus: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Virgil! All of your friends are in this room. Virgil: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
Patton, trying to convince Virgil to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong! Roman: And grumpy! Logan: And oblivious to reality! Virgil: …
Roman: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Virgil: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD Roman: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING PATTON WITH ME Logan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.
*Patton is cooking* Roman: Any chance that’s for me? Patton: It’s for Logan. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side. Virgil: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
Patton: Hey, is Roman sleeping or dead? Virgil: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts. Logan: Yeah, so did I. Roman: Okay first of all, fuck you-
Virgil: Is stabbing someone immoral? Janus: Not if they consent to it. Remus: Depends who you’re stabbing. Logan, who was dragged into the dark sides meeting: YES?!?
Janus: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Patton: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Logan: Self-care is any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated. Janus: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Virgil: Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Roman: Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Remus: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Patton: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.
Roman: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of Nachos. Logan: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Virgil: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any Nachos? Patton: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
Roman, banging on the door: Virgil! Open up! Virgil: Well, it all started when I was a kid... Logan: No, they meant- Patton: Let them finish.
Janus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. Virgil: You were flirting with Remus. Janus: So what? They're my partner. Remus: You asked me if I was single. Virgil: And then you cried when they said they weren't.
Store Worker: Would a ‘Janus’ please come to the front desk? Janus, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker: points to Remus and Virgil Store Worker: I believe they belong to you? Remus and Virgil, simultaneously: We got lost :( Janus: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
Janus, driving Remus and Virgil: So how was your day? Remus: We almost got surprise adopted! Janus: What? Virgil: We almost got kidnapped. Janus: Oh, okay. Janus: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
Janus: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Remus: The cow??? Janus: What? Virgil: Remus, W H Y?
Roman: Virgil, my old arch enemy. Remus: ... I thought I was your arch enemy? Roman: I have a life outside of you, Remus.
Remus: How's the sexiest person here~? Janus: I don't know, how are they~? Remus, flustered: I- Virgil, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!
Patton: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Virgil: I'm a knife. Roman, from across the room: They're the little spoon.
Roman: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Logan does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Patton: If Logan were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Logan jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Roman: You jump off a cliff! Patton: Gladly. Provided Logan did first.
Janus: I know you snuck out last night, Remus. Virgil: Play dumb! Remus: Who's Remus? Virgil: NOT THAT DUMB!!!
Roman: Fitness tip, never stop pushing yourself. Logan: Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Virgil: Why not 9? Why not 10? ]Janus: Strive for greatness. Roman: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Patton, from the background: Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Remus from the background: Burn your ex’s house down. Roman: You can do it. I believe in you. Thomas: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-
Remus: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place. Virgil: You people already know too much about me. Janus: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.
Virgil: Janus, can I talk to you for a second? Janus: Yeah, what’s up? Remus: Lemme guess. You and Roman are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Virgil: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.
Remus: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Janus: Wasn't Virgil with you? Virgil: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.
Remus: Okay, help me please! Virgil: Got two words for you. Janus: I bet they won't be helpful. Virgil: Your problem. Janus: I was right
Virgil: So are we flirting right now? Roman: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU Virgil: That doesn’t answer my question
Patton: Where are you going? Remus: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there Patton: Can you get me a strawberry cone? Janus: Can you kill Virgil? Virgil: Can you kill Roman? Roman: Can you kill Janus? Logan: Can you not commit a felony?
Logan: It’s dark in here Patton: Don’t worry fam, I got this Patton: *Stomps their feet* Patton: *Sketchers light up*
Logan: So what do you do? Janus: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers. Logan: Wow, impressive. Janus: Then I'll move on to Leos.
Remus: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve. Roman: I think you mean cards. Remus, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.
Virgil: We went through an entire character arc during quarantine Janus: We all became more evil if you’re curious Patton: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still! Remus: I’m going to get worse on purpose
Patton: Am I in trouble? Logan: Take a guess. Patton: No? Logan: Take another guess.
Patton: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Roman: *holding in a laugh* Logan: Patton, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Virgil: *Sips coffee from bowl*
Virgil: You kill people for money?! Virgil: Can I pay you? Janus: Virgil no- Remus: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!
Roman: What are your goals? Thomas as Patton: To pet all the dogs. Logan: No, fitness goals. Thomas as Patton: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.
Patton: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them. Virgil: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
Virgil: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my paranoia. I'll wait. Patton’s Card: FAM - ILY Virgil, tearing up: Okay.
Logan: I actually have a black belt. Roman: In what, karate? Logan: No, from Gucci.
Remus: Am I going too far? Janus: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
Patton, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can’t find a boo. Logan: Babe, I’m right here.
Remus: You think I really give a fuck? I can’t even read.
Virgil: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT. Roman, from across the room: You tell ‘em, babe!
Roman: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Remus: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.
56 notes · View notes