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krishna-sangini · 7 months

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Living The Vrindavan Dream

(Warning: Very long post)

This is the post describing my trip to Braj Dham <3

Day 1:

We reached Vrindavan at around 3 p.m. Had prasad and then after resting for a while, we left for the Banke Bihari Temple.

Tbh, my experience in Banke Bihari wasn't very good. Not because of the temple itself, obviously, but because of the people. Rushing in like literal animals! Like, yeah I understand y'all are excited to see the lil Manmohana there, BUT SO ARE WE! Anyyyyway, we did catch a good glimpse of Him there sooooo 🫠❤️🥹❤️

Anyyyyway, we then went to the Sneh Bihari Temple. It was way less crowded and people were civilised. Soooo yeah, that's where I broke down. Like, my Keshav looked so freaking beautiful there, I just couldn't bring myself to dam my tears. It was simply ethereal...✨

He just looked so freaking beautiful and I felt like I had transcended all limits of the world...💫

And guess whaaat? The pandit of the temple called me near him AND GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL GARLAND FROM KESHAV! IT WAS LIKE THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE; I HAVEN'T BEEN HAPPIER FR FR!!! OUUUUFFFF KESHAV I LOVE YOU TOOOO!

We then visited the Ashta Sakhi Temple, Radha Ballabh Temple and the Keshav Mahadeveswar Temple. The serenity there is to die for. Like, why not? It's our Kanha's place after all!

Day 2:

JANMASTHAMI DAAAAY!!!!!!! THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE? HELL YEAH!

Soooo, I wore this beautiful ghaghra for my Keshav's bday celebrations.

But ek haadsa hogaya. Four monkeys legit jumped on me to snatch my beautiful latkans. One of them even managed to rip one of the latkans off my ghaghra🥲. One grabbed my ghaghra, and the rest three grabbed my chunari. But Kanha saved another me from a full-on Vastra Haran sooo yeah. I just got a few scratches.

Anyyyway, first, we went to Seva Kunj Temple. There, I did my Keshav's abhishek!!!!!! I've never felt happier, fr fr; I almost cried. He looked so freaking cute like aaaaahhhh!

From there, we went to the Radha Raman Temple. Again, it was crowded to the point that breathing became laborious. Couldn't catch a proper glimpse of Keshav there 🥲

Next, we went to Radha Damodar Temple. This place was great. Crowded, but organised. Plus, they had an almost empty bhajan hall. There, we could sit peacefully and I could get lost in my Keshav's thoughts...😌

From there, we went to the Meera Bai Temple. There was a super beautiful cow sitting in front of the idol. It felt as if the Murlidhar himself was petting her gently as she sat there calmly with her eyes closed. <3

We then visited the Govindji Temple. That place is so freaking beautiful! Like, you can feel the walls echoing the name of the darling of Vrindavan; it was simply blissful.

After that, we went back to our guest house to rest. In the evening, we went back to Seva Kunj for the Janmashtami celebrations.

IT. WAS. THE. HAPPIEST. I. HAVE. EVER. BEEN. IN. MY. WHOLE. ENTIRE. LIFE

Firstly, we had a beautiful pravachan by a Maharaj Ji. He basically talked about the birth of Krishna.

So, it's a lesser-known fact that Yashoda maiyya actually gave birth to twins, Yogmaya and Vrindavan Krishna. So, when Vasudev brought in Devaki's Krishna, both the Kanhas became one. And when Krishna and Balram were leaving with Akrur ji, the Vrindavan Krishna stayed back in Vrindavan. So, he technically never left. AND THAT'S WHY VRINDAVAN'S AIR REEKS OF LOVE AND DIVINE BLISS TO DATE!

Anyway, the Maharaj ji said so many other sweet things about us Krishna lovers. He was like, "We all sitting here for our Krishna; do you know in what roop y'all are sitting here? We're basically gopis here."

And I was like, "YES, YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT!!!!" It made me so happy for real!!!!!

Sooo, after the pravachan, there was kirtan. And each one of us, men and women likewise, danced our hearts out for our Kanha. It was so blissful, y'all. Dancing without a care in the world with complete strangers tied to each other with a single thread of love for our one and only Keshav; it was one of the rare times when I've felt truly joyous... 💫

At midnight, we all welcomed our Kanha by doing mandir parikrama. After the festivities were over, we had prasad after thanking Krishna for being with us always <3

Thus ended the best day of my life...🌺

Day 3:

The Janmashtami hangover was still there when we got ready for Seva Kunj again. We did kirtan there again before having prasad. Then in the evening, we left for ISKCON.

Now, I don't have any words to describe how freaking beautiful and ethereal our sakha looked there! Like, he looks so perfect that you can't help but tear up...✨ His beautiful lotus eyes legit glimmer at you overflowing with love. There's nothing more peaceful than just staring at his face there for real. Everything in ISKCON was so freaking beautiful; simple exquisite. All the lovely mural paintings, the mesmerising idols, the gorgeous architecture; I could spend the rest of my life there without any regrets.

Moving on, we left ISKCON for Prem Mandir.

F. I. N. A. L. L. Y

And there, I legit became oblivious to my surroundings. Like, my friend legit had to guide me through cuz I was in a trance-like state. The freaking delightful and charming statues showing different phases of my Keshav's life looked as if they were speaking to me. The lovely statues of Radha Rani with her Kanha were just so so so pretty! The temple interior gave heaven vibes for real. Like, I just don't have the words to describe how happy and tranquil I felt in there despite the crowd... ❤️ I completely lost my heart and soul to the Makhan Chor that day...💫 Did that quite happily, I'm telling ya.

Thus ended another glorious day.

Day 4:

The day I've probably been the most heartbroken, cuz that's the day we left Vrindavan.

But not before visiting Nidhi Van. Y'all, if anyone ever tells me Krishna is mythology, I'm cutting their throats off without batting an eyelash. Like, you literally FEEL Kanha walking beside you and caressing your arms lovingly as you walk through Nidhi Van! The trees there, gracefully twisted and intertwined with each other, are a living testimony of our Kanha's raas with his Radhe and sakhis... ✨ It was just so soothing to feel His presence right next to you there!!!! I'm just repeating the same thing again and again, cuz that's basically what you live there in the land of Keshav 🥹❤️

Anyway, melancholy struck immediately after we left Nidhi Van cuz yeah, we left Vrindavan... Yeah... It was heartbreaking. Like, yeah, He is with me always, every day, every second. But I LEFT VRINDAVAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, RIGHT!? Also, it was raining cats and dogs when we left. Call me over-dramatic, but I'm just gonna assume that it was my Keshav's bittersweet way of sending me off.

Anyway, we left for Radha Kund where we stayed at a मठ. In the evening, we went to see Radha Kund and Shyam Kund. Again, I felt His mischievous blissful presence pulling my leg right there <3 I felt my sakha lingering beside me, smiling at me with all His love. And I have no idea what overcame me, but I started singing 'Natnagar ki hai Saari Leela' aloud. Like, I hope no one minded that. But at the moment, my mind couldn't think of anything or anyone else but my Manmohana for real.

And yet another day in Braj passed by.

Day 5:

Our last day in Braj. We went to Barsana!!! We visited the Radha Rani Temple, of our very own Madanmohini... ❤️ The temple is so beautiful, y'all. Architecturally, aesthetically, and spiritually; it's simply perfect! And our Radha Rani, oufff! Unke baare me kya hi kahun? She's ever gorgeous, beautiful, dazzling, and whatnot! 🤩 And we both laughed about how Kanha is such a simp for her soooo, yeah!

The rest of the day, it simply rained. So we couldn't do much. But yeah, I listened to songs thinking about the past couple of days I spent with my Keshav himself... 💫

And yeah, the next day we left Braj... No further elaboration.

Photo/Video Dump:

My Vrindavan trip in short

I MISS THAT PLACE SO MUCH ASDFGHJKL!

P.S. I called up my bestie @pragyan05 and made her ugly cry by telling her about my Vrindavan trip 😌 I mean, why should I suffer alone.

@cheolliepdf @kanhapriya @krishakamal @krishna-premi @krishna-priyatama @krishnasamyuta @swayamev @stardustkrishnaverse @mindless-tirade @satakshiwrites-blog @janaknandini-singh999 @etherealmistt @celestesinsight @saanjh-ki-dulhan @whaelien @idllyastuff @kimbapeukidding @iwanttobeagopi @desi-yearning @ramayantika @pragyan05 @sambhavami

#Baanhi's vaani #krishnablr #gopiblr #vrindavan #barsana #radhakrishna #krishna #kanha #kanhaiya #THE BEST TRIP OF MY ENTIRE LIFE ISTG #SEE YOU SOON AGAIN KESHAAAAAAAV #THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW YOU'RE WITH ME EVEN AS I TYPE THIS #I LOVE YAAAAA

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kanhapriya · 10 months

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A KRISHNA SAKHI

Call me by my name

1. CHANDRIKA

Chandrika had met him when they were nothing but not a few months over 12, both young with mischief and miscellaneousness.

She didn't like him, the son of Nanda, her baba's friend. How dare he stop her in her way? How dare he steal her makhan, her water vessel, and even her clothes? She didn't like him at all.

He, on the other hand, had always declared to care for her, as if she were his friend, his Sakhi. No, she was not, not like her gopi confidantes who could leave everything they had if he so much so, said a word.

But she hoped, she desired she was.

Morning, noon and night, she wished to see him the way her sakhis did. The way they renounced all their senses and got lost in the inexhaustible ecstasy just by glancing at his complexion, Chandrika needed to feel that, needed to feel him.

She had once questioned her friend, "Nayani, what do you see when you look at him?"

Nayani had chuckled and turned red, "I see the cosmos in his gaze, Sakhi. I see the perfection of all rivers drifting in his tears that slip when he laughs. The dark night sky is but his reflection and the moon is his chandan tika. I see the devotion in him."

Chandrika wiped a tear off her face as she concluded the memories of the portrayal she couldn't see even though she tried her best, she couldn't see his divinity and she couldn't help but feel like she was transgressing by doing so.

She yearned to see him the way the other gopis saw him, with fondness and faith and pure pleasure, she dreamed of seeing him for what he was and not what her eyes advised her.

But whenever that makhanchor came in front of her, all she was was a boy with a peacock feather in his pagdi.

This yearning has been there since the day she met him, implying years ago. Now, almost an adult, her soul still sobbed for him. She didn't like him at all.

She didn't like him because no power in the world enabled her to cease loving him.

All she did was love him, and love him and love him.

Morning, noon or night, she saw him in her dreams, a charming and quiet smile on his face as he would approach her, grasping her face in her hands and just looking into her eyes. In her dreams, she would catch a glimpse of what her friends saw at all times.

Each dawn she got up with tears in her eyes, a routine in which the foremost thing she did was sprint to the sundeck of her cottage and trap a glimpse of the flute boy with his cows, walking towards the Goverdhan Parvat. And at that time she saw him laughing, an arm over Sudama's shoulder as his entire weight on his friend, who did nothing but hold him and grin.

Even right now as she glanced at the same view, her eyes sufficed with sadness. Would she ever see him for what he really was? Would she have to come to terms with what she was told?

The rest of the morning, Chandrika ran to Yamuna with her sakhis, filling water in their matkis and bumping into each other with the joy of spring.

However, Chandrika was too diligent with her thoughts to notice the laughter and merriment around her. His intellect was distracted with the Nandalal who was concerning her heart a lot today.

With every step she took, every breath she inhaled and every thought she invoked, it took her back to him.

While back home, the whole cycle occurred again. His friends broke their matkis and laughed in pleasure and her sakhis who were too far gone to say anything, just kept scrutinising them. But there was a discrepancy too.

'Where is your leader?" Prakriti asked, her eyes looking for her sweetheart, "Is he not participating in the Leela today?"

The boys laughed, "Your Shyam is not here today, Gopi,"

"Where is he? And why hasn't he come to meet us today?" Satyadevi questioned a pure and sacred sadness in her eyes.

"He is not gone on his own, Satya," Sudhama who could easily sense her hurt said, "Maiya Yashoda called him back a little while ago and sent him for a task. We do not know where he went."

Chandrika kept her ears open, admittingly eavesdropping on the dialogue, though she had feigned to pay no heed to them. A little part of her was glad that she didn't have to confront him today after he induced her so much misery but primarily, she was miserable.

The rest of the evening then passed soon, and Chandrika and her Maiya were getting prepared for the sandhya pooja when there was a sudden gasp. Fearing what transpired, Chandrika ran to her mother, who was on the floor of the rasoi, clutching her heart.

"What happened, Maiya?" She helped her mother off the ground, "Why did you cry out like that?"

"Putri," her mother started, "I was here to pick up the flowers you had brought from the forest last evening but as soon as I picked them up, they disappeared!"

"Disappeared?" Chandrika frowned, "Maybe your eyes tricked you?"

"No, Lali," Maiya picked up the flower basket, "It is completely empty now."

Indeed it was. The basket looked like no flower had touched it in a week. There was not even the residual scent left.

"Don't worry, Maiya, I'll go and bring flowers from the forest before the aarti starts." With that Chandrika left for the forest to bring the mogra.

As she transcended deep into the forest, her heart grew wary. He hadn't seen him today, only a glimpse in the morning, that's it.

There was fear in her heart. She had always told him to leave her alone, to not include her in his shenanigans with the gopis. Everything he would roll his eyes and say that it was not possible and even though she would pretend to be annoyed, it filled her heart with such love.

She had said the same to him yesterday but his response hadn't been the same. He just smiled at her but even his smile wasn't the usual. It was sad and melancholic and disheartening as if he had to take a step that he didn't want to.

She stopped in her path. Has he finally let her go? Was he done with her behaviour towards him? She couldn't blame him but her heart would not be able to afford that distance. The pain of this peculiar separation would eat her up like the way eagles ate dead meat.

The basket of flowers fell from her hands and she ran, ran to where she would often find him in the forest, under the biggest Kadamba Tree on his favourite swing.

Unbeknownst to Chandra ti, her feet carried her though she didn't recognise any of the paths she ran on. All she did was run to the boy who had her heart and did not know it. Who had yet to know what her eyes wanted to tell him since forever. Who forever thought she didn't like him, her Shyam?

As her eyes started to blur from the tears and her chest painted for a breath, a small branch of a tree tore her chunri as she ran, the Kadamba.

Even with the tears, she smiled. No matter what, where or how, he always found a way to trouble her. She stopped, eyes fixed on the fruit-bearing tree in front of her. The truck was dark and beautiful, just like him and the curved branches were no less gorgeous and breathtaking than his curly, long hair.

Chandrika fell on her knees as a cry left from her mouth, He wasn't there, gone now. Who would she sleep for now? If he didn't come to her dreams, it was worthless to see them. If he wasn't the one who called her Sakhi, she would rather be friends less and if he wasn't there in front of her, she would rather not see the world.

Out of desperation, she called his name, one last time if he decided to never come in front of her ever again she chanted his name in her heart and as it forcefully left her lips.

"Krishna!"

Everything was still all around, all but the sound of her sniffles as she hugged her body and cried, silent and exhausted.

But then it happened, a small breeze of air on her face and it seemed like her tears had dried like the leaves in autumn. The whistle of the air was loud but it could not overpower the sound of his flute.

Chandrika opened her eyes and lifted her head off the ground, the way a child did after hearing the call from his mother.

And she looked up, she knew her life was now doomed.

He was walking towards her, just like he did in her dream, his night cloud-like skin shone brightly under the setting sun. It was a divine contrast and if she wasn't already on the ground, her knees would've given up already.

His black beetle iris I'm middle of his lotus-like eyes was more beautiful than the whole of the Vrindavan forest and brought tears of her own.

But the most beautiful part was his smile, the way his eyebrows turned and eyes narrowed as his tulsi-shaped lips curved was no less divine than the shadow of Lord Vishnu himself.

He approached her, sat in front of her just like he did in her dreams, took her face in his hands, and Chandrika finally saw what all the Shyam premis saw. This time she wasn't dreaming.

"Sakhi," his voice echoed in her heart, and her eyes started to shed tears, "I'm here now because you called me." There were healing powers in the vibration of his voice and in that moment, Chandrika felt the worldly infections, all getting cleansed away from her body.

"Sakhi," she started again, "Are you happy now?" He was smiling knowingly but this time it didn't irritate her heart.

"You wanted to see me the way everyone else did," he wiped her tears, "Aren't you happy?"

"I am," she smiled, "Forgive me, Manohar. I don't know why I was unable to see your beauty with my eyes."

He laughed at her and Chandrika knew she would die and take another birth even as a kadamba fruit if that would mean him looking at her the way he was right now.

He chucked again, "No need to die, Sakhi. It is very unfortunate that you've never realised it, but I always look at you like this. There is no change in me, just your heart."

"What is that change, Shyam? What is different within me?" Chandrika didn't know what had happened since the morning, but she knew he would.

"You opened your eyes, Sakhi." He wiped the tears off her face again, this time they stopped, " Since the day we met, you had a blindfold over your eyes that prevented you from seeing the truth.

"You've always loved me, priye, but your mind refused to let that happen. Your pride was too strong to break away from. But your heart? It was still surrendered to me. Unknown to you, it beats for me, Day or night."

'But this morning, there was a change. Your heart couldn't bear the weight of your pride anymore and broke away from its clutches. The moment you saw me this morning, you were liberated from your only flaw."

She kept looking at her peacock feather boy, as her soul finally smiled through her body, "Is this how all your other sakhis see you, mrignayan?"

His smile didn't flatter even a second, "No, Chandra ti, not at all."

She frowned, was he more beautiful than he appeared right now? Did the other Gopis see him in that form rather than this one?

"The answer is yes and no." He finally pulled her up from the ground and his feet and guided her to the swing, "I'm much much more beautiful than any human eye can see and this is not even a fraction of what radiance I have."

If it were any normal scenario, she would've raised an eyebrow at his words, but she knew that every word that came out of her mouth was true.

"And the other gopis are all also human, though their love cannot be compared to that of those. All the sakhis, whom you envied, priye, for being able to see me have a different image of what my beauty is. The physical features are the same, yes but the perception is not. For some, it seems dark as a cloud for some, dark as the night. For some, I smile like a child and for some like a handsome man. My eyes are like lotus petals to some and doe to others. Meaning, no two gopis see me the same, Chandra ."

"How can I see your true essence then, Keshava?"

'Close your eyes, Sakhi," he sat her on the swing and guided her hands to the flower-draped rope that managed its weight. Then he lifted his right hand and closed her eyes with his soft cushiony fingers. "What you find in your heart, is what I am Chandra ."

Chandrika let the boy do as he willed, not hesitating to trust him now. She tried to find what he asked in her heart, a light fear that it would disappoint him.

"What do you see?" his voice came from behind her now, as he started to sway the swing, his hands over hers.

"I-" Fear plagued her soul. What if the reflection she was in her heart wasn't up to his satisfaction? Would he not be disappointed? She would rather not say anything, than say anything wrong.

"Fear is a disease, priye," the air gushing from each of the swings pushes made her hair fall on her face, "Let it go, for I'm with you."

The Bansi bajaiya was with her.

"I promise you that nothing that you see will disappoint me in you, for anything you see is inevitably a part of me"

A part of him, a part of Kishore. Wasn't she too a part of him?

"See, sakhi," he tucked a few pieces of her hair behind her ears, his fingers burning a tickle on them, "See and accept me."

Chandrika let the dark of her view consume her, waiting for what she was supposed to see, but nothing came.

"Why do I not see anything, Mohan?" Her shoulders slumped in loss but he laughed, " Nothing? Pay a little close attention to it, sakhi. Do you see nothing? Or do you see everything that has ever existed?"

She peeked into the darkness again as his grip on her hands tightened. She saw the dark night sky with clouds, she saw little kids playing in their mothers' laps and a group of baby birds learning to fly.

She was the deepest underbed of the oceans and the 12-headed serpent that rested. She saw the Goverdhan Parvat and the rain that fell on it. She was the stars and the moon and everything in between them, she saw the whole universe.

But at last, she saw herself. She saw the scene she was in right now as if her soul had temporarily left her body to enjoy the holiness of his radiance even. She saw him looking directly into her eyes, and though he was still swinging her body, he kept looking at her with his tulsi-like pure smile. Then he winked.

Chandrika gasped and opened her eyes, breath stuck in her lungs as she held onto the flower rope for dear life. She looked behind, the swing was now still and he was not behind her. She looked around, now standing up and searching for him, who hadn't really left, just sat under the tree.

"What did you see, priye?"

"I saw everything, Mohan." She fell in front of him, and took his hands in hers, "I saw the absolute ordinary and bizarre. The great and the slight. The woes and the foes. And I saw you, shining bright in all of it."

He just smiled, his eyes looking at their entangled hands that she had a death grip on, "I won't run away, Sakhi." His eyes were sad for a moment, "at least not right now."

Chandrika knew he meant something else in totality but she didn't care at the moment. She would worry when she was back at her home, all alone. Till then, she would bask in his presence.

"I finally saw you," she rested her head on his shoulder, relaxing into his presence, "And I've never felt more actual."

She could listen to his heart beating at the moment, and it synced with hers, loud and alive.

He rested his head on hers then, the way she always saw him do with the other gopis and get jealous. But right now, she felt a lasting pleasure and all the malignancy in her heart was gone. She could no longer curse her friends for falling for the makhanchor.

"Chandra," her name sounded prettier than the whole world at that moment, "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything, Sakha."

"There is something that still bothers my heart, about you." She could feel both of them slipping into a slumber of peace, "Call me by my name, Chandra ."

Her heart sped up, "Krishna?"

He tutted, "Not this one. This one is for the world. Call by the name all my sakhis call, the name by which Maiya Yashoda calls me, the name people who love me, cherish. "

"I'm afraid, I can't do that Manohar." Her cheeks flushed as she nuzzled her face deep into his neck, "Or I'll never be able to get over you."

"Do you want to get over me, Sakhi?" His voice was full of mirth, "Have I not impressed you enough?"

"No," she breathed.

"To the first question or the latter?"

"That's for you to decide." She smiled as her flute boy laughed the heartiest she'd ever felt him do.

As the laughter died down, he spoke again, "Take my name, Chandra."

She thought about all the times he'd approached her as a child, asking her to come and play with the rest of them, and how she'd say no, leaving a disappointed look on his face. She would not sin, yet again.

Taking the last deep breath, she pronounced, "Kanha."

This was roughly inspired by a dream I had a few months ago and wanted to write about it for a while.

Hope you guys like it and enjoy

Radha Radhe💜

#kanhaiya #kanha #krishna #fiction #gopiblr #hindu mythology #vrindavan #desi stuff #desi dark academia #i am in pain #dream #hurt/comfort #enemies to soulmates #not really #but like #she deserves the best #im soft #krishna is the best #Spotify

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