#video quality still pretty shit but i think it might be ever so slightly less shit now

[natsukitakama]

Aww, you're so sweet!🤍 It's ok, I understand you, I have classes too so I understant that writing can take time. Well then, if it's ok, could you please write smth for Gojo x sorcerer s/o? It can be really anything - like their everyday life, how they going on a missions together, some fluffy or angsty stuff, literally anything. Hope you're ok with this req and I'm not making it hard for you since it's not smth specified😅

Author note : Hi there ♡ than you for requesting ! And also for understanding haha. It took me more times than expected because I had to read a little bit and watch again (not that it bothers me lmao). Your request is absolutely fine, I actually don’t mind when things is general it gives me more room for manoeuvre you know ?  

Warning : No spoiler since I’m still an anime only for now / Fluffy / Slight nsfw / some swear too I apologize 

Masterlist 

I already said it on my previous request but being a sorcerer means Gojo might be « distant » with you. Not that he didn’t find you attractive or enjoy you being around him (he craves for attention). But yes at first he doubted that you were interested on him because of him (he knows he is difficult to live with) or because of his position, money etc. But it doesn’t mean he won’t date a sorcerer. 

Times after times when you two became not only lover but friends, when he realized that you didn’t give a damn as much as him, when it came to sorcerer’s world. When he realized that you wanted to change it as much as he wanted too, I’m not saying that he would give you his heart but he will start to see you not just because he appreciates you but as a person. 

And that’s how he started to fall in love. 

Now being in relationship with you got his good point, you can understand (or at least got an idea) of his struggle as the strongest sorcerer, you can go on mission with him so it means you could spend time with him, both you can train together, he would be more confident too in the idea that you’re able to defend yourself (even if he would never let anyone curse put a finger on you, they would be dead before thinking about it). 

Before starting just a warning : not because you’re sorcerer mean he acte more like a grown up, no just give up on this he is bubbly and would remain the same, also he is possessive and hella protective no matter if you can defend yourself. 

That being said, how its like to date him as a sorcerer ? 

First, if you’re member of clan that mean both of you is supposed to go into the usual meeting, but since you’re dating him it also means that not only him but you would be late. It’s good thing that you didn’t give a damn (even if you hated getting late). So after getting scold for being late, you would assist on the meeting and well, one advise just don’t sit close to Gojo. He hates those meeting, he got him nervous, it’s source of stress for him so it needs something to relieve. That thing is you. 

It means that yeah he would tease you during the whole speech, sometimes he would tickle you, sometimes he would whisper dirty things on your and would lick it slightly, mentioned how he want to just throw you in the center and just fuck you roughly at least both you would be here for something, sometimes he went as far as to touch you and I’m not talking about him grabbing your hands : he would stroke your ass if he can have an access on it, he would stroke your thigh anything just to flustered you. He loves meeting because he knows he has you to keep him entertaining. 

If you’re not a member, he might insist on taking you with him since you’re still a part of the sorcerer society. Not matter what people would say, he doesn’t give a damn, if he says you’ll be here with him, you would. Exception, if you told him you don’t want to, or if you’re busy with something he won’t push it will whine and except you to give him extra attention and foods for letting him alone. During time like this he would sext you during the whole meeting he has no chill and no one would dare say something, he knows that and is not afraid to take avantage of it. 

When it came to you daily routine, do not expect anything out of ordinary. I mean if you can you would share a breakfast together, shower together (100% end up with your chest against the wall while he is having his fun with you) but then you would have to either go in a mission together or he would go for his teacher duties while you would leave for you own activity. Sometimes, you wake up with him not being here anymore cause he had to leave earlier for a mission, expect something like a breakfast ready for you or at least a little word on his bedside to apologize (also even if he is on mission, he would easily call you while fighting a cursed because he missed you, also whines a lot). 

When you two leave for a mission, there isn’t much to do I mean if you can manage the curse Satoru would gladly let you do your job while getting a little bit too excited because you’re way too hot, too badass (yeah he is like your number 1 cheerleader), if you’re taking too much time he would whine and complain though. Mostly because he wants you to do it quickly so you could spend the rest of the day cuddling because obviously he would come back with you at the Tokyo school once he is satisfied with the time you two spent together 

So if you’re taking too much time he would just end this like with a snap of his finger (that mother..) and while you’ll be angry at him for taking care of your business, he would just throw you on his shoulder while patting your ass and laughing at the same. 

Then you two would spend quality time together, having lunch, chilling together (movie, even taking a nap together) 

And then Satoru would be scold for taking way to much time on « easy » case which obviously he couldn’t care less, again he is Satoru Gojo what possibly could the old man (except getting on his never ?). 

Do not take me wrong he is afraid of being scold by the principal and you, especially getting scold by you. Cause it means no Mochi and Cuddle for Satoru, and he couldn’t tolerate that (deprive him from his precious Mochi what kind of torture is that ?). But then he would find a way to your sweet spot, one stroke from your cheeks, a little pout of him, and a little complain about how little time you two could spent together because of your job and so yeah he just managed time on his own. 

How could you be angry against him ? He knows he is cute and your weak for his puppy eyes 

But that’s is when you two could spend mission together, obviously Gojo is way more busier that you (still a teacher and a sorcerer) so he tends to outside more often than you even thought you’re pretty busy yourself. Except a lot, of chitchatting at worst time. I swear he knows when you’re currently struggling to hold your domain expansion or your spell and this is when he decided to text you about a video he saw on YouTube that make him laugh. And if you’re not answering at him, he calls you. 

Yes. You’re bleeding the shit out of you but that fucker is upset because he didn’t have enough attention from you he’ll FaceTime you at the worst moment.

Although sometimes when got bored during a mission he would flirt with you. It’s the rule. He doesn’t care that they are plenty of cursed around you, you’re hot and he wants attention

*cough cough*  sorry about that 

Sometimes when you got hurt during a mission and unfortunately Gojo wasn’t there to take care of that damn curse; he is getting really pissed. He won’t show it but everything can feel it, the tension is here all around him, everyone could feel so pressure whenever something happened to you. 

He barely left your bed even though you’ve been healed by Shoko, he won’t, he insists on watching you just in case. Will hold your hand during your healing process. After your accident, good luck cause he would NEVER let you on your own. Going to the bathroom ? He is right behind the door waiting for you, Going for some shopping he didn’t got money for nothing, don’t ever think about leaving for a mission either him or Nanami (cause he would bother him until Nanami decided that yes he would watch you just to be sure) would be their by your side. 

You mean everything for him. 

At some points, he would talk to you about his whole projet, about how he is about to kick those old prick out of the system and expect you to be by his side too (which won’t be too difficult considering most of them are ass***) 

Also, if students were kinda suspicious about you (like who could even be healthy enough to date Gojo ?) they quickly understand why Gojo loves you so much to the point both of you became their parent. 

So sometimes you’ll be there to take care of their lesson since Gojo in his good fashion way decided to be late or just leave to buy a new mocchi. You’re kinda became Gojo-sensei 2.0 

Everyone loves you and when Gojo appears to finally be the teacher he is, they all whine about missing you. Later than day he would whine while being on your arm, about how you stole his students from you. 

You didn’t you were just a better teacher than him but he is not ready for that conversation. So instead, you just stroke his hair telling him how wonderful he is, about how obviously everyone loves him they’re just shy about it. Stroke his ego and he won’t even be concerned about his lack of skills. 

#request #Gojo Satoru #Gojo Satoru x reader #Gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen #Jujutsu Kaisen x reader #jjk #jujutsu sorcerer #Satoru Gojo #Gojo Satoru headcanon #Gojo x you #Gojo Satoru x you

[beelsnack]

Hi! I saw your requests are open and I was wondering if you could write a little reaction of the bros + undatable (if you do that) in hearing mc singing or seeing mc dancing and and find out they're very good at it. Thank you in advance, lots of love!❣

*bursts through the wall* Choir kid mode, activate!!

Hope you like it, Nonnie!

Lucifer: The human tended to be...noisy.

That wasn’t the right word, and Lucifer knew it wasn’t the right word, but he couldn’t think of another way to phrase it. They were always humming a Human Realm song he didn’t know, tapping their foot to a beat he couldn’t hear, swaying to a rhythm he couldn’t feel.

So he shouldn’t have been surprised to discover that they had quite the siren’s voice.

He had been in the process of leaving the House of Lamentation to attend a meeting with Diavolo. The fact that the human’s bedroom door was left slightly ajar didn’t even register to him until their voice reached him, making him pause.

Although they were merely singing for themself, and thus not putting all of their power behind their voice, he could still tell how strong it was. Clear, bright, and mid-range. Without fully meaning to, Lucifer closed his eyes and listened. He didn’t know the song or the lyrics, but that didn’t make their voice any less captivating...

Until a harsh clattering interrupted both of them.

Their D.D.D vibrated against their desk, cutting off their singing and breaking Lucifer out of his spellbound state. With a shake of his head, he continued on, smiling softly. Their human was just full of surprises, weren’t they?

Mammon: “Nu-uh, you’re lyin’ to me.”

“Swear to Go - oops,” the human cut themself off with a laugh. “Guess that’s not a thing I should do down here. But for real!”

Mammon snorted, folding his arms behind his head as he flopped back against the human’s pillows. “I can’t see it.”

The two of them were parked on their bed, having long since tuned out the high school anime that Levi had begged them to watch. They had managed to make it to the part where the main love interest stumbled upon the shy nerdy character practicing in the choir room and revealing that they had some Broadway-worthy pipes before they got bored.

“I’m telling you, I was a hardcore choir kid!” the human smacked Mammon on the shoulder with the pillow they had been cuddling with. “I did competitions and everything!”

“That might be the lamest thing you’ve ever told me.” Mammon snickered. “Did you wear robes and shit too? Ow, hey, stop hitting me!”

The human gave him one final pillow-smack to the face. “Well, I WAS going to show you the video of the solo I did, but…”

“Aw, hey, don’t be like that.” he whined, popping up. “You know I’m just messin’ with you.”

After a few more minutes of poking and prodding, Mammon finally convinced them to pull up the video. All of the choir members were dressed smartly in black, but even in uniform, his human outshone them all. They stood apart from the rest, in front of a microphone, and belted out the most heartfelt lyrics Mammon had ever heard. It was a little bit tear-jerking - not that he was tearing up or anything!

“Well?” the nudged him with their elbow as the video finished up. “What do you think?”

“I’ve heard worse.” he shrugged, pointedly turning his head away so they wouldn’t see the awestruck look in his eyes.

“That’s Mammon-ese for “you’re the best singer in the Three Realms,’ right?” they grinned impishly.

“Oh, shut it, human.”

Leviathan: This was all Levi’s fault.

About a week ago, one of his idols had released a video of their dance practice, and, like the incorrigible fanboy that he was, Levi had proceeded to geek. He had sent the video to them, accompanied by flurry of keysmash and emojis that came in so fast that their D.D.D had vibrated off of their nightstand before they could catch it.

After the initial fangasm, Levi demanded they watch the video and tell him what they thought. They had learned from experience that he wouldn’t shut up until they gave him a thesis paper about the video, so the tapped on the link.

It was definitely interesting choreography, and it looked fun. After watching it - with copious amounts of bouncing and swaying to the catchy beat - they flipped over to their messages.

Human: Man, that looks so cool! I kind of want to learn it!

Leviachan: Hah! Good luck, normie, this band is renown for their intense dances. Even I couldn’t do it!

Challenge. Accepted.

With a satisfied smirk, they watched as the file sent to Levi. It definitely could have been better quality, but considering they filmed it with their D.D.D camera perched on a stack of books, it looked pretty damn good.

Levi hadn’t been kidding, the dance was intense. Their muscles were sorer than they were after they worked out with Beel. But, nothing motivated quite like spite, and it was completely worth it when Levi responded.

Leviachan: You…but…how?!

Leviachan: It’s only been a week!! How could you have memorized it that quickly?!?!

Leviachan: More importantly, how were you able to do it?!

Leviachan: I know demons who have injured themselves trying to learn these moves!!

Levichan: *gasp* Don’t tell me you were an idol up in the Human Realm?!

Levichan: Hey, answer me already!!

Satan: He has definitely seen this in a movie somewhere.

The human was looking for a specific book - they were struggling to find research for their Ancient Curses course, and if anyone had a helpful book, it would be Satan. He had offered to help look, but they insisted that they could do it themself.

He doubted that, but never let it be said that their human wasn’t a tenacious little thing.

Watching them climb up the library ladder made his anxiety spike, but they handled themself just fine. Slowly but surely, he went back to his reading, keeping one ear tuned into the sounds they were making somewhere behind him.

That’s when he heard it.

He thought he was imagining things, or maybe the human had stumbled upon one of the books that spoke to you when you opened it. But, as he listened closer, he realized it was their voice.

“Here’s where she meets Prince Charming,

But she doesn’t know it’s him ‘til chapter three…”

There was no holding back his laughter even if he wanted to. He didn’t even need to look to know that they were sliding around on the ladder like that scene from Beauty and the Beast.

“What are you doing over there, Belle?”

“I want much more than this provincial life!”

Asmodeus: He couldn’t believe his luck.

Every time he had invited the human out to The Fall, they had staunchly refused him. They fed him every excuse in the book - they had to study, they were tired, they weren’t feeling good, etc. Even if he couldn’t work his magic on them, he could tell their reluctance was a result of fear of being surrounded by intoxicated demons.

Being around the brothers was one thing - they trusted them quite literally with their life. But other low-class, desperate demons with no such loyalty? Asmo didn’t blame them, and he didn’t push the issue.

But this time, they had said yes.

He didn’t know what changed, and frankly, he would care about that later. For know, he reveled in the fact that he got to see his cute little human all dressed up to go out! Ooh, they looked absolutely delicious.

And drunk.

“Well?” he asked over the pulsing beat of the music. “Are you socially lubricated enough to join me on the dance floor?”

For a moment, they stared at their cup before knocking it back and setting it on the table with a pronounced thunk. “Yup.”

Just as they arrived, the music changed. Slowly, sultry, and sexy. For a moment, Asmo thought they were going to shy away, but that liquid courage was doing it’s job phenomenally.

They moved with grace and elegance that reminded Asmo of the devotees at the ancient temples of Greece. He hummed a little when they accentuated the beat with a teasing roll of their hips.

“You’ve been holding out on me, darling,” he pulled them close to murmur in their ear.

“You think so?” they giggled. “If you like this, you should see me give a lap dance.”

Beelzebub: There was a little corner in the kitchen that had officially become the human’s herb garden.

Little pots with all kinds of green growing out of them were lined up neatly on the windowsill above the sink, and the plants from the Human Realm that needed sunlight that the Devildom didn’t have were placed against the wall beneath them, basking in the sunlamp they had bought on their last visit home.

It was a nice addition, and Beel could always tell when the human used their herbs in cooking. Something about it just tasted..better. He couldn’t quite figure out why.

Well, until now, that is.

He had just finished his morning workout and decided to grab a little pre-breakfast snack. With the sweat he worked up, he earned it. Swiping his forearm across his face to wipe off some of the sweat, he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

The human was standing with their back to him, tending to their garden. No matter how many times they reminded themself, they still forgot to buy a watering can, so they were still using a cup to water the plants. They took their time at each pot, giving them the appropriate amount of water and…

Singing to them?

Beel paused, hand around the door handle of the fridge. Yup, they were definitely singing to the plants, gently inspecting the leaves as they did so. Their voice was soft and sweet, and as Beel watched them,he could have sworn the plants looked a little more cheerful as they passed over them.

Beel felt a little more cheerful too.

Belphegor: “Did you seriously ask me to come over just so you could use my lap as a pillow.”

It was more of a statement than a question, and Belphie barely opened his eye enough to give them a lazy glare. “Yes.”

“Why.” they sighed, slumping back against the wall.

“You have a comfy lap.”

“You have, like, fifty pillows.”

“And none of them are your lap.” Belphie rolled over onto his back to look at them fully. Despite the bored expression he had, they could see the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. “If you’re going to keep making noise, sing me a lullaby.”

He had been almost entirely joking. So when they started to actually sing, he felt his heart do something funny.

They had a soothing voice. Not too high, not too low…a perfect lullaby voice, actually. Without really meaning too, he felt himself start to doze. Before he actually fell asleep, he nuzzled closer to them.

“I wasn’t expecting you to actually be a good singer. Keep going.”

Diavolo: “I thought you said they didn’t teach ballroom dancing in Human Realm schools anymore.”

They couldn’t help but laugh at the situation they were in. Lord Diavolo had taken to having weekly “meetings” with them that were a thinly veiled excuse to grill them about whatever human custom he found himself fascinated with. Now it felt more like a gossip session instead of a meeting with the Crown Prince of Hell.

The week prior, they had lamented the fact that they were attending all of these formal gatherings as the Human Representative of the Student Council, but didn’t know any of the waltzes or other dances that seemed popular. It made them feel out of the loop.

So, they shouldn’t have been surprised when they arrived at the Demon Lord’s Castle to find Diavolo waiting for them in the ballroom.

“They don’t,” the human giggled as Diavolo spun them around. They had long since given up on memorizes steps and were now basically just twirling around the dance floor. “I guess I’m just a quick learner!”

“I should say so.” Diavolo’s smile was nearly blinding. “If I didn’t know better, I would say you were classically trained!”

The human spared a glance down at their beat-up sneakers and jeans with a hole in the knee. “Really?”

“Clothes have nothing to do with it, my dear,” Diavolo suddenly pulled them closer before lowering them into a dip. “You could be dressed in rags and I would still find you mesmerizing.”

Simeon: “May I have this dance?”

Lucifer was still trying to hide them behind his back, but the human was having none of it. They ducked from beneath his arm and took Simeon’s offered hand. “Of course.”

It was hard not to burst into laughter at the angry sputtering and protesting behind them. Even Simeon couldn’t quite hold back the amused grin on his face. “I think you were supposed to refuse me.”

The two of them stopped in the middle of dance floor as the music started. “I like to keep things interesting.”

Simeon laughed, taking the lead. The dance wasn’t too complicated, almost boring. Until Simeon leaned down to whisper in their ear.

“What do you think? Shall we have some fun with them?”

They followed his gaze over to where the brothers stood fuming. Based on the air changing colors, they would bet good money that Satan was attempting to curse Simeon.

“Let’s.”

Simeon led them into a spin, and when they came back, he pulled them flush against his chest. He looked like he was about to give them instructions, but they leaned into him with an impish grin. His blue eyes widened slightly as they put their weight on him, sliding their leg up to his hip in a decidedly scandalous manner.

It didn’t fit the song at all, but the angry squawking from Mammon and the whine from Asmodeus was music to their ears.

“You catch on quick.” he laughed.

“I have to use those dance lessons for something, don’t I?”

#I really wanted to write one for Solomon and Barbatos #but this is long enough already #Solomon was going to crack a joke about stealing their voice like Ursula from the Little Mermaid #shall we date obey me #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 1994

Back in the day, M6 (what used to be the French equivalent of MTV) would broadcast a lot of music videos and my favorite to watch were always the Dance ones.

What I’m trying to say is that you won’t like this list either.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones

There’s so many honorable mentions this time I’m gonna list them all, with some short commentary in some cases:

Another Night - Real McCoy

Mangez-moi - Billy Ze Kick (this is a novelty song about eating shrooms. Obviously I didn’t get that as a kid.)

Nouveau Western - MC Solaar (this guy is going to end up on a list eventually, watch this space.)

Linger - the Cranberries

La Corrida - Francis Cabrel (this is a song about a corrida seen from the perspective of a bull and it’s horribly tragic.)

Think About the Way - Ice MC

Juste Après - Fredericks, Goldman & Jones (this is a song about a guy watching a documentary about a nurse who just saved a baby who was about to die at birth and he’s wondering what she was thinking about afterwards. Only in a Goldman hit song, I guess.)

Loser - Beck (the fact that this song didn’t make the list just because of two Eurodance acts should enrage every single person I ever met who tried to convince me Beck was the best artist of the 90s.)

10 - Saturday Night (Whigfield)

US: Not on the list / FR: #28

Yep. Goldman and Beck were kept off the list by Whigfield and Reel 2 Real.

I have nothing more to say about that.

9 - I Like To Move It (Reel 2 Real)

US: Not on the list / FR: #6

Nowadays I’m pretty sure everyone is thinking about Madagascar and bouncy lemurs first when they hear this song, but holy S H I T did it sound dangerous and menacing back when I was a kid. If Eurodance was full of wizards and magic and epic fights to little me back then, that singer right there was definitely the evil sorcerer of the land and all would recoil before his power.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to grow up in a country where you can understand 99% of the songs playing on the radio, and I can’t help but think it might be slightly less interesting.

8 - Streets of Philadelphia (Bruce Springsteen)

US: #54 / FR: #13

If my taste in music was less shitty this would be much higher. Alas, you’re reading the lists of someone who genuinely thinks Haddaway is amazing, so yeah.

Possibly one of the saddest songs ever written but the pleasant and soft music makes it incredibly beautiful, which in turn makes it sound even more tragic and ugh it always makes me want to cry. It’s so perfect. It’s so potent I knew it was a tragic and beautiful song long before I started to learn English and could understand a single word of it. And yet it’s only #8, because the fact it destroys me every time makes it hard to listen to it very often.

EDIT: I was browsing my old top 30s to take pictures for the next top 10s and I was shocked to discover I had actually put that song on one of my lists at the time, so take that as you will.

7 - Always (Erasure)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

The fact that this kind of weird new wave still existed AND charted in 1994 is nothing short of a miracle and makes absolutely no sense, but I’m not gonna complain. Not my favorite Erasure single by a mile though (that would be Oh l’Amour. Not surprising at all, I know).

Also I dare you not to laugh at the lyrics, especially the first line ("Open your eyes and see... your eyes are open"). Campy in all the best ways. Do I feel bad for putting it above Streets of Philadelphia? Oh yes. Will I change my mind? Probably not.

6 - 7 Seconds (Youssou N’Dour & Neneh Cherry)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1

#1 on the French year-end list, like, damn. Sometimes quality wins, I guess. But yeah, I remember this song being everywhere, to the point I’m surprised it never really charted in the US. It was overplayed to death by the radio here.

And yet... I never, ever grew tired of hearing it. Never. Not even at the time. It is that good. It’s one of the best hits of the decade if not the best.

Of course I’m gonna put some stupid shit above that song but I beg you to listen to it if, for some extraordinary reason, you’ve never heard it before.

5 - Here Comes The Hotstepper (Ini Kamoze)

US: #85 / FR: Not on the list (#10 the next year though!)

I don’t have anything to say about this song in particular. It’s a lot of fun, and it’s one of the best songs to listen to while walking because you always feel super cool, even if you objectively look like wet garbage. It just gives you an automatic +2 in charisma. That’s just the way it is.

4 - Return to Innocence (Enigma)

US: #33 / FR: Not on the list

I listened to this song on a loop for literal days when I was 15 or so.

It’s not one of the best Enigma tracks and this album isn’t even one of my faves, but listen, I’m a simple human, I see an Enigma song that charted, I put it on my list. That being said, it’s still beautiful and moving and weirdly powerful for such a soft song. And it’s not like I will have any more opportunities to put Enigma on my lists after that, so I’ll gladly take what I can get.

3 - Move On Baby (Cappella)

US: Not on the list / FR: #78

These guys had such strange music videos, full of weird props, costumes and masks, and as you can guess it was fascinating to me at the time. It still is, mostly. It’s great eurodance but with the added bonus of weird, peak new wave-like visuals. In another music video, the guy had a time machine and was wearing a top hat and was meeting Egyptian gods, a medieval princess and possibly himself!

But yeah, even without the visuals, this is a killer beat that stays in your head but never gets annoying. I love it, it’s been on my playlist for years now, and only a king of Eurodance can top this.

You already know who’s coming.

2 - Rock My Heart (Haddaway)

US: Not on the list / FR: #54

This is the song (and the video - may I remind you I was mostly hearing these songs on tv because of the French musical channel) that cemented Haddaway as “one of the coolest, most beautiful people alive and possibly a wizard” to me. Because he had a cane and it was CLEARLY a magic staff to me. Also, in my eyes, all his friends in the video looked like mysterious goddesses and spirits. Because I was six, mostly. But come on, look at them, you can’t blame me.

This is still on my mp3 playlist to this day, by the way, if you were wondering.

Why isn’t it #1 if I love it so much, you ask?

1 - The Rhythm of the Night (Corona)

US: Not on the list (...yet) / FR: #7

All hail the queen of eurodance, who is actually not credited on the single and isn’t even in the music video: Jenny B. These vocals are so. good. It’s repetitive and catchy in all the ways I love, it has an untouchable synth beat, I listened to it hundreds of times and it never gets old. N E V E R. The colors in this melody, holy SHIT

And that music video with the weird cabalistic circles is partly responsible for making me believe eurodance was the music of wizards and magic when I was a kid.

And that’s a wonderful thing.

Next up: A list with a top 3 in which every song is actually possible to defend? Sounds fake but okay

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #flashing lights

[duckbeater]

Some Notes on A. S. Hamrah

A lifetime ago, I thought it’d be rewarding to teach A. S. Hamrah’s “A Better Moustrap” to first-year students struggling through their second semester of basic comp. I wanted to wow them with Hamrah’s heedless deployment of unsettling theses, argued crisply and irreverently, in an essay that supplies a plausible solution to its concerns (a rarity among most rhetorical appeals, whose authors left my students stimulated but empty-handed). Very in the vein of “A Modest Proposal,” “Mousetrap” confronts a social ill—fetish videos where women crush small animals to death under their Stilettos—yet proposes a non-ironic salve: “crushies,” where “the must-have plush-toys of the Christmas rush will be smashed underfoot.” Most of my course was based on weird internet shit, which I thought (I still think) mostly anyone can appreciate, especially the young. “Mousetrap” is full of that weird-internet-shit jouissance.

“Reading this is like eating your favorite food,” I told the class. “You’re just gonna shovel in ideas. They’re all delicious. Eh, they’re pretty weird, too. But it’ll be fun.” It wasn’t fun. Nobody read the essay. Moving through its arguments, in front of twenty-five nineteen-year-olds and a few grandmothers, was embarrassing. I had to dissect Hamrah’s great takes on crush video culture, his movements through film history, his appraisals of Mickey Rooney, then his wider and, to me, scintillating prognostications on American adulthood—an adulthood most everyone in the classroom (accepting the grannies) was soon to inherit—totally alone. “Do you watch these videos?” one student asked. “Then what’s your fetish?” asked another. “Bryson fucks books!” became the consensus. (“I fuck your dads!” I thankfully did not say but very much wanted to. I was a coward; this partially explains why no one bothered to complete my assignments.)

Flying solo—or falling sans parachute, as the case may be—through Hamrah’s film criticism and cultural reportage of the last decade has probably been a shared experience among his far-flung admirers. Finding his byline in Bookforum or the obscure domain of the International Federation of Film Critics or mirrored pages from the defunct Hermenaut was usually the result of a periodic Google search. If he appears more regularly now, and more regularly in prestige venues, that’s the fault of n+1, where he’s contributed reviews tri-quarterly since roughly 2008.

Indeed, it was Hamrah’s initial, online-only contribution that inspired so much ardor and devotion. “Oscars Previews” provided bright, bursting capsules—the gleeful bitchery of a best friend's phone call. Apparently this quality was transliterated from its material creation, when he reported the piece to his editor, Keith Gessen, over a phone, after complaining he didn’t have time to write the thing. Each entry in this salvo (none are more than a hundred or so words) lands with a zinger. They have the polish of a joke, featuring a setup, some reinforcement and then a payoff. He even plays some of his capsules against each other as callbacks. The entirety of Hamrah’s entry on Michael Clayton reads: “There was a lot of driving in Michael Clayton. I like driving in movies but after a while Michael Clayton started to seem like a car ad—though it showed how a car ad can be liberal. That’s a message for our times.” The wit is authoritative, hypnotic, dismissive. The taste behind these pronouncements felt sui generis, and the criticisms brief enough to be dispatched verbatim without attribution. I was a senior in college when I first read Hamrah. I had a busy season of parties at professor’s houses and dined-out on his opinions for weeks. 

This is not to say Hamrah only works when you’re young and grasping for style. But I do think it’s evident now that his short forms are the seedbed for his long form successes, paper sketches for the larger canvas. When you read enough of Hamrah’s capsule reviews, you get the sense he’s reporting exactly (or only) what fits into his little joke, sometimes you can even hear him reaching for his beats. When you read a whole book of them, you get the sense Hamrah’s less interested in the works under review than in his performance of reviews, his performance of freedom and audacity.

—

The Earth Dies Streaming, apart from film writing, is a log of Hamrah’s fascination with his persona, his brand of humor and arch sensibilities. He’s not exactly a curmudgeon—he wants readers to know he’s tried too many drugs to be a curmudgeon (comparisons to acid trips crop up, as does “bad speed”)—and he’s not exactly an academic (despite his Ivy League bona fides as a corporate semiotician)—and he’s not even a movie reviewer in the jejune, crass, sell-out way so many movie reviewer must be in today’s enfeebled, saturated, and deeply compromised market (he tries “to never include anything in [his] writing that could be extracted and used for publicity”). This is where I trot out a gif of Amy Poehler playing a Cool Mom in Mean Girls. Hamrah’s bobblehead offers virgin daiquiris to teenage cineastes. “I’m not like a regular film critic,” he says, “I’m a cool film critic.” The tits, the wink, the velour sweatsuit.

Other irritations. Hamrah’s insistence on the inferiority of animated films and his churlish dismissal of Miyazaki’s contributions to the medium’s history. He’s always on accident catching some part of a children’s movie—on an airplane, in a public clinic—and using these unsatisfactory experiences to comment on the aesthetics and advancements of animation at large. It’s a hobby horse he flays as often as Adorno assaulted jazz, and (to both their credits), slightly adorable for how insistent and under-thought. If only, as he does in “Jessica Biel’s Hand,” he would immerse himself in the backlog of lauded animation from this century and the last, he might, for once, be able to say something interesting about it.

Hamrah’s stance against feature-length animation is nearly as looming and placeless as his stance against other films critics, whom he evidently reads closely but can never be bothered to cite. His essays are peppered with a dreaded sea of bought-off weekly reviewers whose pedestrian tastes frustrate him. This, despite the regularly insightful, playful, and overall helpful criticism of David Edelstein and Emily Yoshida at New York; Dana Stevens at Slate; Manhola Darghis at the Times; Justin Chang in Los Angeles; and the fairly dour takes of Peter Debruge in the industry’s digest, Variety. Hamrah alludes to David Denby’s work in Streaming’s introduction, then names him outright in a later capsule review of Little Children. Otherwise, your guess is as good as mine as to with what critical consensus Hamrah finds his views out of alignment. These are critics and journalists who, obliged by deadlines, report weekly on their film-going habits. That they have new things to say even once a month is a miracle, but that they do so four to ten times a month is frankly incredible. (It must be evident that I’m a fan of movie reviews and film criticism. I work an office job where between menials I find intense delight and distraction in the work of daily reviewers, and I carry around with me an ungainly amount of knowledge regarding box office performances and future releases that in all other ways I have no interaction: I go to the movies maybe three times a month, often by myself, and often I see low-brow flicks. Last weekend I saw the third How to Train Your Dragon movie; the weekend before that, Isn’t It Romantic; a weekend before that, Roma. I saw these movies on the advice of daily reviewers, and Roma only after reading Caleb Crain’s celebration of it.)

I volunteer Richard Brody and Christian Lorentzen as Hamrah’s contemporary intellectual kin, with caveats. Brody’s work is too mystical, too mythical to properly critique his subjects, and his symptomatic readings, which border on the Lacanian in terms of the extraneous and deranged, become hulking apertures that always overtake whatever work is under discussion, squashing them. Also he is never, ever funny in his reviews. Brody is a curmudgeon, and what he criticizes rarely appears in the films themselves but float around the films’ receptions, financing or forebears, and when he ventures into specifics—a film’s lensing, its sound, the actors and their acting styles—his descriptions become ridiculous. Lorentzen, as with his book reviews, writes to a word count. (There is no other reason for the amount of tedious plot summary in a Lorentzen take-down.) If Hamrah sounds like these critics, it may be because all three are careful in their dissents to let the filmmakers know they think they’re complete assholes. When these three do find praise for a work, it’s the entirely appropriate object of adoration, art-house and independent, or, gotcha!, a studio event they appreciate for more correct, more interesting, and more nuanced reasons than everyone else.

What sets these critics apart from the daily reviewers I listed above, may be the daily reviewers’ capacity to surprise and be surprised. Perhaps they saw a movie with a daughter and her friend; they appreciated a family flick in context; they were caught unawares by stray scenes in a larger, unsuccessful work, and appreciated glimpsed wisdom. They have hope yet for a return to better forms. These reviewers are flexible and receptive; they are as likely to be charmed as they are to be chagrined. Even when Brody, Lorentzen and Hamrah are surprised by the quality of a work, they take it as an affront to their sensibilities and bridle, like horses suspicious of an open gate. Why were they not warned? Why should they trust this development? Their reflexive, ingrained annoyance, occasionally flowering into high dudgeon, fills their actual reviews with foregone conclusions. One does not visit their writing for news, or for new takes, for synthesized connections, or revelations of form. One visits for the comforting familiarity of a flagging standard—“a continuity of aesthetics that [has] become an aesthetics of continuity,” if I’m remembering the St Aubyn phrase correctly.

Criticism this entrenched in its own personality ends up toothless. It’s why Renata Adler, for instance, will be remembered for her reporting and not her film criticism. Despite its bite—and it’s quite biting—it rarely leaves a mark. Hamrah never cites Adler—nor do I think he will. His prose and her prose are rather too alike. He must sense the comparison coming, and dislike it, because Adler is not particularly well informed on film and filmmaking. Her amateurish moonlighting grated in 1968, and it grates now, but only for its prosumer-level expertise. Her prose (like Hamrah’s) remains indelible, deadpan, and addictive. When I recall the subhead to Kyle Paoletta’s appreciation of Hamrah, “Always On: A. S. Hamrah’s film criticism is a welcome corrective in an outmoded field,” I consider Adler’s own attempts at the form, as a corrective. And I find them contiguous with other platforms discussing same, places like Slate, Twitter, and The Ringer’s Exit Survey, which preempts the leap from hot take to tweet. (Q: “What is your tweet-length review of Venom?” A: “What if All of Me (1984) but action and also tater tot–loving aliens?”) What I’m saying is this: Hamrah’s form is not novel. His tone is not novel. His writing is, however, very convenient (brief, digestible) and entertaining, and he’s been adding more personal atmosphere of late.

So the named lodestars in Hamrah’s critical firmament: Pauline Kael, Susan Sontag, Jonathan Rosenbaum, J. Hoberman and Manny Farber (to whom Hamrah pens an exceptionally sweet and informative essay). Hoberman, the only critic still alive among these titans, shares Hamrah’s acid tongue and penchant for political excavations, while doing his readers a courtesy by assuming not all of them attend film festivals or live in limited-release area codes. The same semester I taught “A Better Mousetrap,” I taught Sontag on sci-fi movies and Hoberman’s seminal “21st Century Cinema: Death and Resurrection in the Desert of the (New) Real” (later to become his book-length essay, Film After Film). Hoberman can be as tart and irreverent as Hamrah, but he’s not above recounting plot summaries. He’s both a guide and a rebel. I suppose, following my own argument, if in fact I’m making one, this makes Hoberman the better critic—a classification that would not hurt Hamrah’s feelings. (This would hurt very few film critics’ feelings.)   

—

Very little of the above matters. I had hoped to answer why, then I got bored (then I had to go to work; after that, I had to design a booth for a marketing expo in London; then I lost the thread). When I was in Brooklyn last December, I dropped into the Spoonbill on Montrose. The first book I bought on my second time in New York City was Hamrah’s The Earth Dies Streaming, and I carried it about like an obsessive as I made my way by foot to Prospect Park. I devoured it in a few days. I devoured it again on the plane ride back to Chicago. And I’ve read all the capsules before, and most of the essays—they’re usually posted in front of paywalls. If I quibble with Hamrah, it may be because he’s made me a better writer, and surely a better thinker, yet I found that I disliked my own dismissiveness and superiority, my own rigidity. If I can name my influences, I thought, I can break from them. But this is unso. 

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 10- Lviv: In Which I Befriend A Scrotum

Today was my last day in Ukraine. By some miracle during my time here, I had managed to not get mowed down by Russian machine gun fire, though, it hadn't escaped my notice, I had also managed to not do a great many other things that I had actually wanted to, either. Today, I planned to remedy that. I roused myself from bed uncharacteristically early and- for once- being that I felt ruinously befuckled in neither my mind or guts, saw myself leaving my rubbish little apartment on the less pleasant side of noon. My first stop of the day was Lviv's natural history museum- there having been a conspicuous and gaping absence of nightmare fuel on this trip, thus far.

After a not insubstantial amount of difficulty finding the place, I was eventually waved inside by a stern man, paid my entrance fee of 20 hryvnia  (not a lot of money...) to an equally stern woman and was finally ready to bust the natural history seal of this trip wide open. I was genuinely excited; an emotion I thought I would never feel again after Belarus.

...I shouldn't have been, though. I think this was, by really quite some distance, the worst natural history museum I have ever been to in my life. It was comprised of just three living-room sized halls, sparsely decorated with not-very-many-at-all stuffed animals, jars of pickled fish and just the worst, most poorly written, poorly spelled, frankly vapid signage imaginable.

Fucking try.

still though, the big mantis was cool

Pictured: large boi

and there were some incredibly pleasing examples of bad taxidermy on show

Hwellp. I guess God’s dead, or whatever.

and so, despite paying one full hryvnia for each minute I had spent there, (again, not a lot of money), I still left the museum having enjoyed it thoroughly for what it was- i.e. total garbage. Oh well, on to my next destination: an internet cafe, to print my bus ticket for tomorrow.

The cafe, situated not far from the museum was an odd place; looking like and indeed actually being situated in someone's apartment, as it was. I stood outside for some minutes, wondering whether or not I should actually go in, as the last thing I wanted to do was accidentally just walk into some guys house and demand he print things for me, though eventually the little switch in my brain that makes me go “fuck it” flipped and I stepped inside to, thankfully, the right place.

Once in, the printing process was fast, painless and cheap. I was charged a single hryvnia (approximately 2.5p) and left triumphant, ticket in hand, five minutes later.  The entire experience being so streamlined, coupled with the...diminutive nature of the museum had meant that I had, at this point, chewed through two of my four plans for the day in under an hour and for under one pound.

I decided that, given the unexpected glut of free time I had found myself with, it may be prudent to spend some of it scoping out my bus stop for tomorrow. My ticket, rather unhelpfully, read simply “near pizzeria napoletana” and given that this was the single most expensive item I had bought during my time, here and that my bus was due to depart at seven in the morning, with no opportunity to catch another one until mid-afternoon the same day, I was- I feel- understandably anxious enough to make sure that I would be at least standing in vaguely the right place when it arrived.

The stance was some distance away from any of my intended stops for the day, though the walk to it would take me through another lovely (lvivly?) park, or two, at the very least, so I pushed on, regardless. It was in one of these Lvivly parks, that I was stopped by two young men; Max and...Dimitri, I think? They were students, or very pleasant scam artists selling greetings cards to generate money for some student initiative to raise the quality of living for young people in the city or something. Or just drugs. Either way, we became embroiled in conversation. We talked about the usual sort of things you'd imagine- where I was from, what I was doing in Lviv, why, god, why did you come here now? Doodoodoodoodoo and all that. It wasn't until they found out that I was from the UK, though that things got awkward.

“Ah, then you must be excited for Brexit” Max said, beaming.

I exhaled loudly through my nose and shot him a look as if to say “don't go there, girlfriend”, except whiter and less sassy than that.

“Oh?” he said, a quizzical look playing across his face “you don't like Brexit?”

I told him that I thought it was an undemocratic omnishambles of the highest order.

“Huh...” he mused. “I thought all British people were really into the idea.”

and there it was. The single most embarrassing moment of the trip, so far. Worse than forgetting to sign my passport or nearly shitting myself while skidding around ice; this was the moment at which my face was reddest (fortunately, it being so fucking cold, it was already a bit red and you couldn't tell). I politely informed Max that not everyone in the UK endorsed Brexit and in fact in Scotland, the vast majority of people opposed it and then, out of shame more than anything else, bought one of his stupid fucking greetings cards and bid him a good day. Enjoy the drugs. Bastard.

My search for the bus stop went poorly. I arrived at the compound and found...several pizzerias. None of which were named Napoletana. I walked around for a while, hoping to stumble upon a clue as to where buses might actually stop in this god-forsaken place, but found nothing. Being without phone internet due to the ludicrous price of data on Vodafone, when travelling outside of standard touristy countries, there was little I could do except leave and hope that the Google gods would answer my concerns, later.

My last stop of the day (the penultimate one, The Scientists' House- a big fancy house where all scientists used to live- being such a non event that it wasn't even really worth mentioning. I couldn't find it and gave up, basically.) was Lviv's only and indeed my very first visit to a cat-cafe. I took my seat in a small booth in the corner and before my face could even unfreeze enough to order food, I was set upon by a very lovely and seemingly also very, very old sphinx cat, whom I immediately named Ballbag Snugginz, owing to his affectionate nature and also because he looked like a scrotum. Ballbag hopped onto my table (perhaps slightly unsanitary, though I'll forgive it...), took one look at the scarf I had laid across my lap and said to himself “I'm 'avin' that, I am”. He made a bee-line for my groin and after some very awkward kneading, wound himself into a little fleshy coil

and fell soundly asleep. Looks like I was here for the long haul.

Gross.

I ordered some food (Salmon and spinach strudel; amazing) and a pot of tea (ginger and mint; fine) and merrily munched through it, Ballbag still softly purring in my lap, which is now the best sentence in this blog and pretty much always will be. Ordering salmon in a cat cafe was a good call, I think. While I was strictly forbidden from feeding any of feline residents, the stench of the fish nonetheless bought them to me, albeit in each case incredibly briefly once they realised I wasn't for sharing, in droves.

By the time I had scraped the last of my strudel from the plate and gulped down the final drops of tea, Lord Snugginz had, if anything, only entrenched himself further into my groin in an even tighter coil and was now lightly snore-purring. I ordered a chocolate lava cake so as to not need to get up and go, right away.

The cake, as with pretty much everything else about this cafe was excellent but all too soon, it was gone and so too, did I need to be. I lifted Ballbag away from me and plopped him down on the seat adjacent to myself. I'll be honest, it didn't feel very nice, neither emotionally, nor physically. If you've ever seen the music video for Aphex Twin's song “Rubber Johnny”- moving Ballbag Snugginz was the tactile version of that. Absolutely manky.

Not in the slightest happy with that arrangement at all, Ballbag very angrily clambered back on top of me and with a look, as if to say “oh no you betta don't” except whiter and less sassy than that and went back to sleep. For fucks sake, Ballbag.

I decided to awkwardly put my coat, scarf and gloves on around him, much to the amusement of the staff, before moving him off for the final time and quickly darting away, as he sat, bleary eyed and grumpy, wondering what the fuck had just happened. I ended up leaving the cafe something like a 75% tip, as first, it was very nice, second, I hoped it would all go to B. Snugginz and third, I just had so much Ukrainian cash left that I didn't even really know what to do with it.

Despite it being crazy cold and also very late- my experience in the cat cafe, all told, lasting...several hours more than I intended- I decided to hop back to that god-awful supermarket for what I hoped would be the last time, to chew through some of my cash. I reasoned that I could save myself some Zloty by buying ingredients for tomorrow's dinner here, in advance.

Let me tell you, I went mental; I bought enough food for three dinners; the most expensive sausage I could find, a huge block of cheese, crisps, wafers, the whole nine yards and was still somehow left with the equivalent of £9 in local currency, which I was just, at this point, unable to spend. I returned home to bibble, clean and get some sleep, atop my hoard of remaining hyryvnia, like some kind of tiny, very shit dragon. Tomorrow: Poland. Again.

#lviv #ukraine #cat #cats #cafe #cat cafe #natural history #museum #cold #dinner #sausage #sphinx cat #sphinx

[franeridart]

I just found your profile and I love your style so much!

AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

Anon said:From kami's-hair-is-hard-to-doodle anon from a while back: I finally got it! Thank you so much for your advice - reading and rereading your tips kept me practicing! I'd also like to thank the Academy /orz

I’m glad it could help you at all!!!! :O Kami keeps on being a mystery to me (and Horikoshi himself ???) too so don’t get too down on yourself for it taking time haha

Anon said:Ive sent you a couple of asks before but Im just so in love with the content you produce. Like not only is your art style so cute and stuff, but the plot/story (Idk) of each post is just so original and adorable. Im just so blown away by everything you post. Thank you for sharing your art!!!! Have a good week!!

Anon said:Hi! I’m new to your blog but love your art, I think your very talented which is why I’d like to ask a question. Do you have any advice for posing? I noticed your very good at it and wondered if you have any tips. If you do answer this, Thank you!!

Firstly, thank you so much for the compliments!!! I don’t know how useful exactly any advice I could give you will be, since most of it comes from drawing a lot and watching drawings even more, but in general to pick a pose usually what I do is think of the scene as if in movement? As in, what the characters are doing, and how they’d move if I were looking at them while doing it - keeping in mind the characters personalities helps me with this a lot too. 

Take for example the confessions drawings I’ve posted a couple of days ago: it’s true that there’s no words nor movement anywhere in them, but as I drew them I had a pretty clear idea of what they were saying and how the characters would react in those situations - Jirou’s shy and easily flustered, so she’s averting her eyes, unable to keep eye contact, and closing in on herself a bit, hiding her face and so on; in the concept, Kaminari was the one who confessed, so he’s holding her hand, tentative, because he’s unsure about how she’s gonna answer (it’s all stuff that didn’t actually make it in the drawing, how he reached for her hand, how he’s gonna close his other hand around her knuckles, but in my head it was a complete scene and I just picked one frame of it all to draw). The same goes for Bakugou and Kirishima - they’re rowdier, louder, more assertive and inclined to take everything as a fight, so this time around I went for a scene in which Bakugou straight out yells his feelings at Kirishima and Kirishima answers me too (again, I had the before and after in my head too, I just picked the frame that best coveyed what I was trying to do)

As I said I’m usure about how much this might help you orz it’s just my way of doing things, and it mostly comes from the fact that I was originally a writer honestly, so thinking of a whole scene makes things easier for me #rip

Anon said:Can I say, I really like the colors for your confession pictures! :>

THANK YOU??????? H E C K ;O; 

Anon said:hi~ i just went through literally everything in your sketches tag and i just wanna say i love your art and your comics and stuff. also because i went through everything, i want to bring attention to how cool it is to see how much your style has changed! your lines seem more confident and your characters more dynamic in the last few years :D

HECK THANK YOU SO MUCH it’s always so damn nice to know people can see my stuff getting even just slightly better oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnn *sob*

Anon said:can we repost your art if we give like 100% credit

Nope, sorry, I’d prefer it if you didn’t do that

Anon said:those "confessions" must be the lewdest thing I've ever seen

why would you use that word tho

Anon said:I just wanted to tell you that I love your art and it always makes me a little happier when you post something! No matter if it's your comics or colored pics or "simple" doodles, I love all of them! (Though soft stuff is the best, hehe) I just hope you know that you're very appreciated, and I hope you only have wonderful days!

GODS THANK YOU SO MUCH I’m so so so happy I can make you a lil happier ;0; I hope you’ll have every possible wonderful day too, anon!!

Anon said:I just spent the last few hours of my Sunday going though your entire blog. It’s beautiful and I hope you know that you have ruined my life because of that beauty. God damn it.

That wasn’t the intention but I’m!!!!!!!!! glad you think so???????? sob oh my g od you all are too nice to me ;^;

Anon said:Tododeku?

It sure is a ship, isn’t it - I’ve drawn for it in the past, I most probably will again in the future! :D

Anon said:you're honestly one of my fav artists on here! i love your style it feels so unique and is so pleasing to look at (((:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M CRYING THANK YOU

Anon said:Your art has this unique quality about it... its really hard to describe but there’s something so dynamic and god damn pretty about your work. It’s fantastic and you inspire me to keep on creating! I hope your day is absolutely wonderful and thank you for blessing us with your art!

I’m!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so glad I can make you want to create stuff, anon!!!!!! that’s the best thing anyone can ever tell me, oh my god ;^; thank you so much !!!

Anon said:I love it when you draw cuddly bakugou!! Its wonderful!!

THAT’S!!!! super great to hear cause I could probably draw only that for the foreseeable future and not mind it one bit holy smoke

Anon said:THE HUG COMICS ARE THE BEST COMICS, I LOVE HUGS AND BAKUGOU BEING PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE IS SOMETHING I LOVE, A++++, WOULD RECOMMEND.

HONESTLY BAKUGOU NEEDS ALL THE HUGS AND IF I MUST BE THE ONE TO GIVE THEM ALL TO HIM THEN SO BE IT

Anon said:all ur comics are fucking delightful and make my day everytime. i ve read them all like too many times? i read each multiple times in a row and im still giddy? i love them i love u

I!!!!!!! LOVE YOU TOO???? HOLY SHIT THANK YOU

Anon said:*sigh* soft-phisical contact lover bakugou save my week. And kiri is the most wonderfull sunshine and no one cant discuss that *sit down in the floor and manly crying*

Kiri is the brightest sunshine isn’t he ;^; the sun to Bakugou’s moon, it makes me weak and I cry a lot

Anon said:I never knew I could be so weak for kiribaku omg fran what have you done to me, on that note what little things do you think theyd do to take care of each other? Like kinda lowkey stuff theyd quietly do? Ahh anyway thank you so much for all the wonderful drawings, hope everything is going well for you :)

Well, this is just the feeling I got, but I’d say they do plenty for each other quietly and softly in canon too, don’t they? Bakugou especially, pointing out to Kirishima his strength when he can’t see it for himself and always trying to find a way to cheer him up when he’s down and giving him space when he needs it, training together, studying together, worrying over one another, Kiri making sure to always know what’s up with Bakugou and following him to help him, just generally being there for each other so that if and when they need they’ll know they’ll have someone they can lean on - their relationship is really mutually supportive, isn’t it? I cry so much they make me so happy ;^; *sob*

Anon said:When season 3 comes out wouldnt it be fun if krbk fans filmed their ch.90 being animated reactions?? I think it'd be so cool/cute to see all the emotions! What do you think?

You know, I’m pretty sure that IS gonna happen? People make reaction videos for so many things! It’s nice and fun, honestly, I love it~

Anon said:I really love the way you draw spiky hair! It looks so floofy and soft.

Boi thank you!!!! Spikes are super nice to draw, though admittedly I make them less spiky then they’re probably supposed to be haha

Anon said:As someone who adores Sero Hanta And is a die hard krbk fan can I just say how much I love you? Like I was having a rough-ish day and I can’t stop smiling now because of your latest comic. Seriously, I love you and your art is everything.

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT ONE!!!!!!!! I adore Sero if I had any better clue how to draw him I’d draw him all the time always, true story, he’s such a fave ;^;

Anon said:OMG Fran!!! I want Bakugou's name tattooed on all their faces now!! Hahahaha!

You know, one of my first krbk fanarts was Bakugou writing his name on Kirishima’s forehead, actually....................

#fran answers #art tips #sorta?? #something similar to it #i tried but you know how it is #i got no actual clue what im doing #lmao #anonymous

[4homiesfilm]

Devin: 5 Things #2

1. Cría cuervos

I don’t know what prompted me to finally watch this - it’s one that’s been on my list forever - but I did a few hours after getting the second dose of Moderna. A few minutes in, and I decided it was a film I wanted to be a bit stoned for. And soon I was. And damn I’m glad I was. It was one of those where, ever so slowly, it dawns on you that it just may be a masterpiece. It’s eerily spellbinding, it’s deeply emotional; it got me on a high and made me feel a unique type of sadness all at once. And the music... Something about a song being repeatedly used in a film (if handled well) just gets me every fucking time. There’s something so emotional and poignant about that to me. It captures and evokes something very specific and universal about life that I can’t quite articulate in words. But it can just crush me if it connects.

Alisa, I think it’s right up your alley in particular, but I think all of you might really enjoy it. It threw me for a loop. I think it’s a beautiful, wild film.

I was on a high for the rest of the night after this viewing (I watched it in the late afternoon, after getting home from the vaccine). Little did I know that later that night, deep into the middle of the night, I would start feeling as bad as I’d felt in many years. I can’t remember the last time I woke up in the middle of the night from pure physical discomfort. The second dose absolutely fucked me up; I mean, I was sweating, aches, then cold...just the works. But thankfully it subsided significantly by midday / afternoon the following day. But that whole experience is probably now forever intertwined with the trippy, ecstatic, and deeply emotional viewing I had watching this film.

2. Deprisa Deprisa / "Me quedo contigo"

I told a good friend I had watched Cría cuervos and loved it so much, and she then recommended this film, which I’d never heard of, and may never have watched otherwise. Luckily, it was on the Criterion Channel, so I watched it shortly thereafter. At first it just seemed like a slightly goofy, Spanish version of Bonnie and Clyde, and there’s no shortage of that type of story, so I was slightly worried. But still, it always felt handled with care and artistry - made by the same director as Cría, Carlos Saura - until, all of a sudden, it went to another level. Again, a huge factor for this was the music. And again, not scored music, but diegetic pop songs, blended into the backgrounds of the scenes naturally a la Scorsese or The Sopranos, (which may even do it better than Scorsese, to be honest). Ever so slowly, and skillfully, this deep melancholy seeps into every grain of the film, and you’re filled with some strange type of blues for these characters, and their inevitable fate. But it’s one moment that tipped this over the edge for me, and moved me in a way which is so rare, until you suddenly find yourself in the midst of it once again. They’re driving in their car through the night, smoking a joint, on their way to see the sea, which one of the characters has never seen. And this song - “Me quedo contigo” by Los Chunguitos - plays from their car radio, as the camera pans from face to face, some looking at the road, some asleep, some off somewhere else. Then we see from their perspective, out the front window of the car, and the headlights of the cars coming the other way, passing them in the dark of night. And the song keeps playing. The entirety of it plays, and I think it had played once before in the film, and I know for sure it will play again later on, and it changes the tone of the scene in a profound way, in a way only music can do. And you know exactly this type of scene in real life, when a song plays deep into a long day of a road trip, and no one says anything, and you’re all just gliding through time and space, and you feel life both still, for a moment, and, simultaneously, rushing unstoppably by, and away from you. This scene felt like it went on forever, in the best, most beautiful way.

3. Dylan - "Mr. Tambourine Man"

Something made me really sad a few weeks ago, and I was alone in the city, and didn’t feel like seeing anyone to distract myself or cheer me up. I was too tired, both physically and emotionally. I decided there was only man who could do it. So I turned on Rolling Thunder Revue...and got a stew goin. As I so often am, I was unconvinced in the first few moments if this was really right for the mood I was in. But only a few minutes later, and then Bob’s piercing, almost aggressively blue eyes, against that white makeup, his face in extreme closeup, as he sang my favorite lines of "Mr. Tambourine Man," with raw, rough, urgent feeling, and I went..... "I've made a huge mistake."

No, no. It was in fact exactly what I needed, desperately, in that moment, that night. There's so much to marvel at and get lost in with that film, but it's still that moment, in the first few minutes, which I can't get out of my mind. There’s just something about these lines that simply destroys me. I don’t know if I can really explain it in words, or come anywhere close to articulating what it makes me feel. Which is ironic, because he does it with words. But so much more too. With the timing and the rhythm of them. With the power of his voice. But the lines just seem to take me someplace where everything is stretching out before me. Everything becomes still and I feel my body getting warmer, even beginning to sweat. Everything is there. Both from before and into the future. “All memory and fate...” And at the same time, all that disappears, “driven deep beneath the waves,” and I’m in the same place as I always was, once again a child. It happens each time I hear the song, each time I really listen.

And I saw this quote the other day, by the artist Alberto Giacometti, which struck me in how similar it was to what, perhaps, I was trying to get at:

"All art of the past rises up before me, the art of all ages and all civilizations, everything becomes simultaneous, as if space had replaced time. Memories of works of art blend with affective memories, with my work, with my whole life."

4. The Underground Railroad & The Gaze

I haven’t watched these yet but holy crow am I excited to. I wanted to wait for a quiet moment to watch The Gaze, a video essay Jenkins made, meditating on the Black Gaze. And then the miniseries speaks for itself. I think it came out today? But I’m going to watch The Gaze first to get excited for it. As if these posters haven’t been making me excited enough already... Done by one of the great contemporary poster artists: Tony Stella.

5. The Sunsets of Florida

And the reason I haven’t had a chance for a quiet moment in the past week / 10 days is because I’ve been in Florida visiting my grandma and other relatives on my mom’s side. I was pretty hesitant to enter the belly of the ugly beast - “that cracked out hot mess” as Dave Chappelle calls it - but with pretty much all of us fully vaccinated, it felt a little less painfully idiotic. And damn I’m glad I did it. Besides the pleasure of spending so much quality time with my grandma - who’s turning 91 this year but you’d never ever know it, based on the sharpness of her mind and wit alone; she’s just incredible, and a joy to be around - we also went down to the beach for the sunset almost every night, and jesus, did we see some stunning shit. My phone captures it pretty well, (these are all stills from videos I took), but there were moments when I had to remember to just put it down, and simply stare. This beach has a sandbar which allows you to walk out in the water for a long ways without it getting too deep, so I was able to go out there with my phone and take videos from the level of the water, which I’m really happy about. It just captures it in a different way. We’d be swimming out there as the sun dramatically set, and I’d run back up to our chairs and bags and grab my phone and run back in. Fuck the phone getting a little wet, it was worth it. But there’s always that internal struggle of wanting to capture it and wanting to just experience it without a screen in between you and the world. I think I might have that problem for the rest of my life. But, as Elliot Gould says in The Long Goodbye...

“That’s okay with me.”

#Vimeo

[ol-razzle-dazazzle]

All the gay asks bc you made me do all of them

OWO thank you I love you1. describe your idea of a perfect dateAll of them??? Kakhiwkdkalgr walking around the beach or going to a bookstore or maybe a forest to chill or an abandoned place for a spooky date??? Movie date??? Ocean date??? Marriage date??? All good!!! Crab catching would certainly be on the agenda though. The oceans the best2. whats your “type”My type? Uhh anyone that’s nice to me lmao. Someone i can joke with and I know that cares about me. Quiet on the outside but like, nurturing and fun when you get to know em. Someone that doesn’t let people treat em like garbage because i yearn to be like that. On a side note I’m not sure why but most people i used to tend to have crushes on were ISFJs (or ESFJs) probably because they fit the criteria above. I don’t really like people that are totally my personality, and I think it’s important to not surround yourself with yes people or people that vehemently disagree with you. And communication! V important In terms of looks though? The kinds of girls I’m attracted to vary a lot actually. Buff girls soft girls tall girls short girls thin girls medium girls big tiddy little tiddy it’s all good. I guess I tend to prefer girls that aren’t white (not in a fetishistic way of course it’s just most girls that I’ve had crushes on or knew that were gay that were white just had really bad personalities and that brand of White Feminism™️ sorry if I worded this poorly) brown or black hair I guess? Just someone that doesn’t look like me adjnrujbslltgbk. Also someone I can squish and hug nicely. Of course I think there’s a lotta bullshit with people limiting themselves to only a few criteria and the racism or body type discrimination is total bullshit. Fetishisation is just as bad. There’s just so many cute girls out there why be a shitlord to people y’know? 3. do you want kids?Later on in life, if my partner would then yeah sure why not. I hate babies though so I would...4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?Adopt definitely. I’d personally prefer to adopt a kid that’s older, because they have a less chance of being chosen and I want them to be raised in a loving environment. 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been onI’ve never been on an actual date ;v; but tbh any date I’d have with my gf would automatically top the list6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)I’ve never had sex so I got no gosh dang clue aside from fantasies, which I would be nervous as heck but ultimately want to be as adoring as possible and kisses everywhere7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Mornings when you don’t have to go to things are amazing and beautiful but otherwise afternoon or night time gay. Anything that isn’t midday is good though8. opinion on nap dates?I’d be down for it. Sleeping is great, but cuddling and sleeping? Even better! Doesn’t matter for how long but yes! Good shit!!! 9. opinion on brown eyes?Only the most beautiful thing ever??? Brown and black eyes being ugly is a government lie, they are gorgeous. Black eyes just have that deep obsidian stare and like an adoring cat with dialated pupils you just want to hug, and brown eyes??? When the light hits them or you’re staring into them? Beautiful galaxies my dude. 10. dog gay or cat gay?I love dogs but I would never own one unless my partner wanted one. They’re just not a companion I prefer to cats. Cats are very good and fluffy and compact in comparison to dogs. Dogs are amazing though and I need to pay every one I see. 11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?Dude we already planned to live in a pseudo-barn to have crabs, rats, bats, cats and lizards 12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneSomeone who’s very ‘my way or the high way’. (My mum’s a lot like this and it’s caused me to try to constantly be appeasing. But with my mental illness I’ve gotten a lot more irritated by it.) Or someone that is a bit too mean I’m joking about people to the point where you don’t know if they’re serious. (I have this problem a lot with ‘friends’ and it leads to a lot of doubts and depression.) Also highly argumentative people who want to seem better than you and debate everything you say. (Just...ew.)13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one?I live in a homophobic family, so I used to think gay was a swear word lmao. I was told that we were unnatural, burning in hell, hypersexual, all that shit. Issues on trans people were even worse, and back when I considered the possibility of me being a trans man (while I experience dysphoria In my body I don’t think I would ID as a man- at the time I didn’t know what agender identities were) I was made to feel like it was the worst thing ever or that it didn’t exist that everyone was just straight and ‘normal’ 14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfDon’t pretend you’re aroace to hide who you are, you’re autistic but that’s okay just don’t overwhelm yourself, try to do things to the best you can. Also toxic feminity/masculinity is bullshit don’t feel guilty about wearing anything. You’re gay it’s so much easier now and don’t let people dictate of make you defend yourself 15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?Lmao nah. There is always that awkward moment when you think you see a hot butch but then he’s a twink. Bamboozled again. 16. who is an ex you regret?A few years ago I was forced into a relationship with some rude ass dude who ignored that I ID’d as aroace at the time. I guess at the time I had some comp het so I think that’s why I went along with it? It was kinda some toxic shit like nothing nsfw but he was just a huge dick that went off at the slightest disagreement and I’m glad I got rid of that trash lmao17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay by far!!! Well I’ve never been to a night club, but I’m someone who gets overwhelmed by loud noises and people, so it wouldn’t be the place for me. Cafes are relaxing18. who is one person you would “go straight” forNo one lmao, The only possibility of slightly me becoming straight is like a fictional character19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?Books and video game gay! There needs to be more gaymes, but books are good I just have less time to read them as opposed to gaymes which I can do whenever 20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Probably RenMerry from Touhou! These two mean a lot to me, and got me into the series that helped me realise I was a lesbian! These two just work so well together that I strive to have a relationship like that- a slightly bickery old couple with the freshness of new adventure tied together with a love that will never fade away even as it transcends borders~21. favourite gay youtuberDon’t really have one. I’m not really into the British youtuber scene and the ones that I do sub don’t really talk about their sexuality or not (I think sailor j might be bi? But that’s about it) I usually watch comedy channels or vocaloid covers. Actually Oktavia’s Gay, yeah let’s go with her. Her voice is amazing and made me realise how much I love deep voices22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?Ahbkowejkboesh I’ve had crushes on straight people that I’ve wanted to hang out with but no of course not I’m too shy for that shit23. have you ever been in love?Yes! And I’m still doing so right now! 24. have you ever been heartbroken?While in a relationship? No. But like the whole ‘falling in love with a straight girl senpai and then everyone tells her that you have a crush on her which causes you to be distant to each other leading you to cry copiously at her graduation and never truly repairing your friendship which is all you ever wanted and never being able to talk to her again?’ ...y yeah 25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneHonestly I try to make a distinction between ‘people I have crushes on’ and ‘people I would date’ bc yeah someone might be cute but dating is another story. I’m someone who varies a lot in style (as someone who may possibly be gender fluid or agender but hasnthad the opportunity to explore that for family reasons) 26. favourite lgbt musician/bandUhhh Queen I guess? Idk I need more gay shit recommend me please. Queen is quality shit though 27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysDon’t ever feel the need to apologise or defend you being gay. Be happy even if other people aren’t about you. If you’re autistic chances are you’ll question your identity, don’t worry about it and just love who you love. If you’re a lesbian especially don’t apologise or feel you have to be in a certain role to ‘be truly gay’ and also please ask people out otherwise you’ll never get anywhere- all lesbians are useless and I got lucky shjgowkgowlgr. But above all, don’t feel guilty and have fun exploring yourself and fleshing our who you are, even if you can’t always show that out loud. 28. are you out? if so how did you come outI’m not out to any family member (I say that I’m aroace but they believe I’m straight despite jokes on the contrary) but pretty much everyone that isn’t a complete stranger knows. I can’t help but talk adoringly over my girlfriend so it just happens. Otherwise I go on some spheal about homophobic bullshit dropping hints that I’m gay before saying I’m gay. It’s led to some shittalking and other various bullshit but I don’t give a fuck anymore 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have Believing I was aroace and my friends saying that i was in denial of being gay. I was like ‘lmao Domi’s just a friend I lowkey have a crush on her but she’s just being nice :^)’ then like a week later burst through the door like BITCH GUESS WHOS GAY FOR HER GIRLFRIEND 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityEvaluate the consequences of coming out. While I live in a homophobic family, Australia is somewhat accepting and there’s no conversion therapy to my knowledge at least (there are highly fundamentalist Christian groups but I’m not sure if they include forms of violence) Especially if you are in an anti-gay country or an area where you could be persecuted, I think it’s important to be out to at least one person you know who supports you. It could be online or a friend that you know you could trust (if you don’t know if you could try subtly bring it up and see their reaction, but better safe than sorry.) because it’s hard to go through this entirely alone. While it’s important to be unapologetic of who you are, it’s more important to protect yourself- this doesn’t make you wrong, but the people who make you feel wrong wrong.

[rayadraws]

Hero FB adventures

This is the result of me, @jenny-opm, @shorthairsonic, @dibujos-de-la-orilla and @criscura talking about the concept of our boys (and their friends) using Facebook and what that might lead to... It led to a really fun discussion, so I’ve collected it as points here for anyone curious. It’s about 2.6k long so I’ll put it behind a Read More. Enjoy XD

Dr. Kuseno, being a technical genius, takes to Facebook like a duck to water, having no trouble navigating the site. However, he still acts like a stereotypical grandpa on there - when Genos posts a status along the lines of “Rainy day, perfect for a movie” Kuseno comments with “Indeed my boy, try not to catch a cold and send Saitama my regards. Kuseno.” He occasionally also teases Genos, such as sending him a photo of an electric whisk with the caption “your next upgrade is ready.” (In a misplaced attempt at being kind he tags Saitama in all ads for hair growth treatment he comes across… but at least he also tags him when he finds an unusually good sale)

It is actually thanks for a birthday post from Kuseno that Saitama learns when Genos’ birthday is the first time! He catches the borg sitting and smiling while looking a his phone, which is unusual - usually if he’s on the phone it's something from the HA, which normally has him frowning.

Neither Saitama nor Genos have a lot of friends on FB (to start with, at least). It’s mostly their closest friends such as King and Mumen. Genos also has Metal Bat added, who gives him (good natured) crap on near everything he posts.

Bang is the hopelessly confused Facebook grandpa, struggling to understand how it works. Poor Charanko does his best to help him… “How do I search here?” “You have to go to the search bar… No, that’s where you write your status” “My what?”

Once he does get the hang of it, Bang comments every time someone posts about themselves doing any sort of sporty activity with “Looking good! Ever think about coming by the dojo?” (It gets to the point that FB warns him for posting the same thing over and over and everyone is starting to suspect that his account has been hacked by a virus that just keeps promoting his dojo - poor Charanko is accused of setting it up)

Metal Bat SPAMS FB with videos of Zenko’s piano shows. Everyone knows about her recitals a week in advance because he keeps hyping it up. He also has a soft spot for posting glamour selfies.

Saitama posts a lot of blurry cat photos with no caption and sometimes food pictures. He posts at all kinds of random hours of the day, almost never answers anyone, his photos are low quality and he posts a lot of odd YouTube links.

Genos likes every photo of Saitama and uploads his own - somehow, Saitama always looks far less derpy in Genos’ photos (he’s studied all his best angles).

Genos has no shame and starts liking all photos of Saitama, going through every tag ever - meaning once in a while someone who went to high school with Saitama suddenly gets a like from Demon Cyborg on a photo taken 12 years ago. Unsurprisingly, people are SHOCKED at this and it takes them a while to figure out why - until they notice how he keeps tagging Saitama on his page. This is the only kind of interaction they get online with Demon Cyborg and people start tagging Saitama in photos in the hope of getting response from him. They slyly get photos of him in public and post and tag him in the hope of a response. As long as he’s awake (he’s a heavy sleeper) Genos likes them instantly, unknowingly rewarding his fans for their behaviour.

Genos never accepts friend requests from any non-heroes but Saitama sometimes does because “maybe that name’s familiar idk whatever” and some of Genos’ fangirls manage to befriend him on Facebook, consequently seeing his photos… causing them to just about spontaneously combust - “Did you SEE that photo of Demon Cyborg in an apron?!”

Genos notices this and tells Saitama that he is NOT to post his 124 bedhead pics of Genos to Facebook. Saitama forgets(?) and posts 53 of them anyway before he remembers he wasn’t supposed to. He tries to cheer Genos up - “But look at how many likes and shares they’re getting! This doesn’t even happen with the cat pictures!” Genos is not impressed to see his groggy-ass self on a million message boards (and tells Saitama that “...to be fair, Sensei, sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re cat pictures.”)

Saitama is enjoying this game (not quite realizing the scope of this all) - sneaks a pair of cat ears on Genos, takes a photo and uploads, enjoying the storm afterwards.

Facebook suggests that Saitama upload a photo album that is just the same photo of Genos doing the dishes at slightly different angles and he’s like “why not” and posts that as well. This is followed up by a little video of him singing quietly and dancing a little while washing the dishes.

One day they come across a group of Demon Cyborg fans on the street who come up to them and ask if Genos could sign their photo books - they’ve printed a bunch of pictures from their FBs, full of like bedhead and apron pics (“Mr. Demon Cyborg sir I LOVED that video of you dancing with the mop!”). Genos can’t even process what’s happening and signs them with a stunned expression, while Sai takes one of the books, looking through it and pointing out his favourites. “Hey, I remember this one! Aw, dude, where’s this shirt? You look nice in it, I haven’t seen it in a while.” (“Mr Demon Cyborg I didn’t know you had feet slippers!” - a small part of Genos dies)

Saitama starts getting bombarded with requests on Facebook. “Get him sleeping!” “Get him laughing!” “Can you get him to pose in that white shirt, maybe with the ripped jeans?”

Saitama starts uploading little videos, such as himself telling Genos a bunch of puns as they go through a store. Eventually he figures out how to cut videos into clips and bombards Genos for two days to get “material”. It does get a bit overwhelming in the end however, so he tells the fans that he can’t take more pictures because his phone ran out of memory. To his despair, this leads to fans sending them shipments of memory cards, cameras and gift cards for even more stuff and it’s all very unnecessary. He even receives a brand new phone from “a fan”.

(The good side is, with all this training he is getting progressively better at taking pictures)

One day, the daily picture he uploads is very sad - just an empty chair with the caption “He’s at repairs” :(

Another day however, Saitama goes to upload a photo of Genos in his apron, but it’s… the wrong apron picture. He accidentally uploads a naughty pic, oops. It’s not the most obviously naughty one, not enough to get them banned from FB (and Genos has no nipples, anyway…) but it’s pretty obviously not meant for the public.

Genos is at first (rightfully) mad at Saitama… until they get like a million really nice apron lingerie sets in the mail. To get back at the other, he uploads a photo of a bare-chested Saitama - not at all prepared for the onslaught of “HOLY SHIT” responses, growing possessive instead of mad when the fans start screaming for more.

Saitama tries to take a good shot of himself but eventually Genos, even through being annoyed, takes the camera from him and gets a good picture. Fans ask for even more and a bewildered Saitama replies with “Um, sure?” uploading a half-naked bathroom selfie, where he’s still wet with a towel wrapped around himself. People go wild. (Genos can’t decide if he wants to delete the picture or share it so it’s on his wall as well. He is… conflicted.) (A less successful picture shows Saitama absolutely ripped, but unfortunately with a prominent double chin, like that time he played video games at the HA - selfies are hard…) (“Mr Saitama, can I request the ripped jeans again, but this time with you wearing them..?”

Unfortunately their shenanigans do not go unnoticed at they get called in to HA’s Public Relations for the umpteenth time. Their attempts at getting the heroes to take it down a few notches is made more difficult by them referring to Amai’s latest “I’m about to have sex” album cover as proof they aren’t out of line.

Amai Mask, in his defence, maintains that his pictures are “classy” and “done professionally”. Saitama responds with gesturing to a photo of Naked Apron Genos frying eggs - “This is classy!”. They continue with pointing out that more than likely, if they stopped, people would complain to the HA and they’d have to explain it was the HA who stopped them in the first place... (And really, the HA shouldn’t complain, Saitama and Genos are earning them so many donations….) "THEY CURED MY CANCER AND WATERED MY CROPS AND BLESSED MY CAT HERE'S MONEY" - “They did what now?!” - the HA representatives don’t even understand what this means but eventually lets it all slide. (The only one who understands the references is their intern managing the official HA twitter, but no one cares about their opinion…)

With all this material, Genos’ fan club is getting a lot more activity than Amai Mask’s, which doesn’t go unnoticed. Amai tries to upload “accidental photos” too in an attempt to become the centre of attention, but they are all obviously fake, such as “I woke up like this” pictures of him with perfect hair and makeup, nothing like Demon Cyborg’s messy hair and squinting eyes.

Amai tries again - “Oh no guys you won't believe this but, i was doing my make up right and omg my cat walked on top of my phone and took this photo of me lol” - someone digs up an old interview where Amai states that he’s allergic to cats (that someone is Genos). He also uploads a photo of a cup from Starbucks which has “To the prettiest guy I’ll see today” written on it and claims he got it (until someone points out that’s a photo from Google).

Meanwhile on Saitama’s FB page, a new video of an unaware Genos twitching in his sleep has just been uploaded, caption “look he’s dreaming shhh”

Saitama just happens to be awake late that evening and passes the time surfing FB, commenting “y’all never go to bed huh” when he sees the immediate responses - given how big Genos’ fanclub is, there’s always someone who’s awake. In fact, this video is more than likely to wake a number of fans up to scream over it. Saitama makes a little livestream showing off their cups as he brews himself some tea (“this is my cup. That one’s Genos’. We found it in a thrift store after he accidentally dropped the last one.” He finishes with showing Genos sleeping again and saying “see he’s sleeping now you all go to bed too”.

One day he posts a still picture of the sleeping borg, with the caption being just “I love him”.

It takes a while, but once the fans understand that their love is real and not changing, some of them start to (not always so) subtly suggest he should propose, such as tagging Saitama whenever a jewellery store has a good offer (they’ve picked up on his love for sales).

One day everything is quiet, then Saitama posts simply “He said yes” (or perhaps it’s just a picture of their hands wearing the rings) and FB EXPLODES. People ask for photos and Saitama replies with “All I got is him ugly crying oil everywhere” and the fans go “POST IT.”

After they’ve gotten engaged things get a bit more quiet, with Saitama just posting the occasional update like “he’s going to marry me” and “he’s going to be my husband”. “I want the date to be on his birthday but that’s too long of a wait” ,“he loves me”.

Fast-forward a bit. It’s been quiet for a while. Genos has barely posted anything but one day Saitama’s FB friends see that he’s been tagged in a picture that turns out to be a photo where Saitama appears to be passed out on the futon, drooling in his sleep and surrounded by empty pizza cartons. Caption “my husband to be”. (The picture completely blows up on FB)

Fans start speculating on their outfits, causing Saitama to sweat - he hadn’t planned that far ahead. He asks for suggestions and they end up covering the entire colour spectrum. He even enquires a little bit to hear if there’s anyone who’s a real actual wedding planner among their fans, it might work out…

In the end, they decide on a small private wedding, but Saitama does suggest he might be able to livestream it. He gives no date or anything to go by, however. In an attempt to keep it hidden, they end up hosting it at the dojo, hoping the stairs might also deter some potential invaders. (Bang is more than happy to host - maybe he can convince some people to join the dojo. The stairs aren’t a problem for the heroes, mostly - King does text Saitama with “I’m here can you pick me up” once he arrives at the bottom whereas Mumen handles them himself - but makes sure to arrive very early so he’ll have time for a shower before the ceremony. Saitama suddenly starts the livestream out of the blue on FB, writing “k its happenin!” and a bunch of fans tune in. (Hopefully Bang won’t hear about the livestream or he’ll start advertising on it, too…)

They get married!!

(Back to where we started - how does Kuseno react to all this FB shenanigans? Well, more than likely he doesn’t spend too much time on FB, but he does check periodically, probably catching at least a couple of the pictures of Genos sleeping and in his apron and whatnot. As always, he replies good naturedly - “glad you’re getting your rest son”.

Kuseno also has a habit of going full-on Geek and writing very long explanations regarding Genos’ body sometimes - such as explaining why he twitches in his sleep, or an explanation on how his cooling systems work in response to someone writing “WAAAHHH WHY IS HE SO COOOL” on one picture. Unfortunately, Kuseno doesn’t realize that his FB is set to friends only, so only Saitama and Genos see these comments…)

Bonus: Saitama occasionally tags Genos in pictures he takes of cheap bootleg Demon Cyborg merch he comes across, disappointing fans hoping to see a new photo of him, only to be met by his asymmetrical poorly painted face on an action figure. “It’s not even official merch…”

Saitama has a habit of buying the especially poorly made ones because “they’re funny”.

One fan asks one day if Demon Cyborg owns any merch and Sai uploads a photo of all the stuff he keeps in the apartment with the caption “And even more stuff at his docs”.

The fans are stunned - but some are also like “ok but where do I get these things?!”

"says he special ordered them or w/e" "oh this other one was from HA" "oh... he says it's out of stock" "he has the stock" ”Maybe if you ask him real nice. Doubt he’ll let go tho he only has like 278 of them” ”...he informs me he has 289”

The fans try to barter with Genos, such as offering to draw a NEW Caped Baldy posted in return for one of those charms. At this point Saitama is starting to wonder why he has to be the bridge between fans wanting Caped Baldy merch and Genos. Genos doesn’t seem to want to talk directly to his fans, but eventually agrees to use Saitama’s account, basically pretending to be him - the fans do eventually get their merch, but are confused as to why Saitama suddenly seems to turn a lot more serious and formal whenever it comes to merch talk (and is that 10 page terms of service really necessary?!) but at least in the end they get a super rare piece of merch not available anywhere else (because Genos bought them all).

#gosh #well there you have it #this was such a fun discussion I enjoyed it a lot XD <3333 #thanks guys you're the best #to anyone who read the whole thing (woah good job) I hope you liked it too! #all for fun ofc #genos #saitama #genosai #saigenos

[thesportssoundoff]

So About That Tuesday Night Contenders Series

Joey

June 26th

Watch any UFC event recently and you'll notice the constant pushing and dare I say shilling of Dana White's Tuesday Night Contenders Series.  The UFC's attempt to push its own content on its own digital platform (a novel concept!) is slowly creeping towards its air date on July 11th. The concept is a simple enough one even if some aspects of it seem to be ever so slightly and ever so gingerly getting modified before the start. Five fights every week with the winners and losers competing for the opportunity to get into the UFC. It'll be held in front of Dana White and what I'm assuming are an audience of his friends and peers given how there is no live attendance. While the original concept suggested UFC fighters would get the opportunity to rebuild their careers, it seems like the UFC has walked that back somewhat given how not a single current UFC fighter is assigned to a spot on the show.

The concept is a fresh enough approach, essentially taking out Dana White's LFAF antics and bringing us what fight fans really want to see; less of Dana hanging with the BOOOOOOYZ and more of the prospects and overlooked guys with potential getting the opportunity to get a UFC gig. As of this point, much of the format is hidden although the general onus seems to be similar to Looking For A Fight's "Win impressively and depending on how the wind is blowing and the whims of one man are at that time, you might get a deal!" That's all fine and good I guess although leaving the future of athletes up to such a vague concept as an impressive win is always going to lead to some problems. At the very least, a lot of good regional talents are going to get the opportunity they all dream of chasing when they sign up for this wacky gig. The chance to fight in front of Dana White and his friends in Vegas for more than you've ever made up until that point with the allure of a potential UFC gig is all good for the sport I'd argue.  Unfortunately quite a few questions remain on how this is all going to work out BUT before we get into that, I just want to poke around a bit on some numbers I've scrounged up.

30.5- The average age of the HWs confirmed for Dana White's Tuesday Night Contender's Series.

The age at light heavyweight and heavyweight will always be a somewhat touchy subject. As has probably been discussed time and time again, MMA's ability to chase elite athletes above 205 lbs is never going to be up there with the bigger sports even though it could/would stand to do a better job at attempting to recruit them. Outside of Stipe Miocic, the UFC's HW division in its current form is a collection of aging but well known guys from the Pride/2008 to 2011 era of the UFC and a small group of guys who rose from the ashes of a broken HW division to carve out niches for themselves. Now to their credit, the UFC HAS been aggressively signing new HWs but the division still lacks depth, prospects and the ability to let guys go on winning streaks before you violently feed them up to somebody at the top. The decision to focus on the HW division is a refreshing approaching and of the six HWs they've roped in thus far, they combine for an average age of about 31 years old (30.5 to be exact). That number is heavily skewed by the 35 year old Greg Rabello. Just for a comparison point, the top 6 in the division (Stipe plus the five contenders under him) come out at about a solid 34.5 years old. So here's my opinion on this one; sign all of them even if they lose. Turn the HW division into the undercard gamblers division and load up FP prelims with big doughy guys. You might luck into one!

10-20- Record for fights either in the UFC or against fighters who have been in the UFC

Yeah, this number isn't too pretty I suppose. Now granted there are guys like Daniel Spohn, Justin Jones and Daniel Jolly who really tip the scales here but as is often the case with TUF seasons, the prospects here haven't faired all too well when they've faced UFC quality competition. People CAN improve of course but going on pure raw data, it's looking rough to start.

0- Women's MMA fights confirmed thus far

This is a concerning number. It's not that I think the UFC is deliberately ignoring the women of mixed martial arts, I just don't know if they're out there to be had. Part of the problem with having an Invicta is that the WMMA community is so small that just about everybody winds up there at some point; most before they're ready. Tuesday Night Contenders becoming ANOTHER Invicta where ladies like Rachel Ostovich are fed to elite talents over and over is probably not good for anybody. What's more with TUF 25 being flyweights, you're not going to send them to Tuesday Night Contenders because you pretty much NEED all of them for that. And of course it's like flyweight or bantamweight TUFs, chances are if you're a good one they're just going to sign you so why bother? The UFC can't keep pilfering talents from Invicta without waiting for the stock to replenish and while a guy like TheAnticool would clearly know more as it pertains to whether it IS being replenished, there needs to be concern about how long it's taking.  Ronda's ascension to the top of the MMA landscape was expected to jolt WMMA and in many ways it did---but it's 2017 and we're still waiting to see the fruits of that labor.

7- flyweights

Be it petty posturing or a genuine warning, Dana White coming out and admitting that the last three years have featured them considering the removal of flyweight has to be concerning for all MMA fans. The UFC removing flyweights from the equation would ultimately be a bad thing for MMA (a hell of a boon to 135 tho!) and would further blur the lines between sport of business and the business of sport. Even if you acknowledge that fighters can always make their money overseas, all of the US orgs (since Bellator has shown no interest in flyweights and I'm not even sure the new chain at WSOF know what flyweights are) abandoning the division would do serious damage to the growth of MMA. As such, it's refreshing to see Dana White's Tuesday Night Contender Series has thus far cornered the market on flyweights not in the organization.

4- Fighters coming off a loss

The idea of DWTCS was the best prospects vs the best prospects and old UFC guys trying to regroup and rebound after a series of losses. When names started getting announced and people started to complete the picture, there was some rankling about signing guys to compete who were coming off losses. That, at least so far, is overstated. Just four of the guys on the show are coming off of a loss.

So those are just some things I wanted to dig through and look over. Despite this, questions STILL remain. Such as....

1- How are they going to make money off of this?

Seriously. There's no TV rights deal (here or abroad) and there's no gate because the show is attended by Dana's friends and fam. One would assume that the UFC is paying for crapola even if the UFC owns the venue and etc etc. Right off the bat, you're talking about 50K going out (5K for 10 guys plus 25K on top for the winners). So how ya paying for this? Fight Pass subs?

2- Is it possible to LOSE and get into the UFC?

We see it all of the time. The "win and get in" style of UFC TUF Finale is bent slightly so that guys who put on an amazing fight and lose can still get a chance. Will the UFC keep with that mentality here? Given that so much of this is the whim of one man, is it win and get in only?

3- What will the outfits look like?

It'd be...awkward if Dana White's side league project featured fighters wearing sponsored swag. Is it going to be like 2013 where dudes had big sponsorship lapses and so they had guys wearing UFC trunks? I know that they're treating Dana White's Tuesday Night Contenders where it's like an alternate organization BUT if I'm a fighter and I make it into the UFC off the show, I want this fight to count for my UFC record.

4- Production? Any ideas?

Again with no real way to make money, what will the production look like? I hate to make the comp here but I don't think this product is going to succeed if it feels like a dark match/house show with no video packages, no commentary and no sizzle with their graphics. I'd really like to see what they do with the commentary spot. One thing I'd really like to see is different guys being given the opportunity to try their hand at live commentary. If they're bad, it's not going to be the end of the world and if they're good, as guys like Cruz proved to be, then you can start grooming your next crop of rotating commentators. I bet the UFC would LOVE a day where they can just sandblast the sports world with a show from Asia that starts at 8 on ESPN/FS1, a show from England that starts at 12 on ESPN 2/FS2 and then a big show at 8 PM that goes back onto the main network. To pull that shit off, you need developed competent commentators and MAYBE this can be an attempt to pull that off.

5- Where are the international guys at?

The current crop are 95% Americans with 5% delegated to some Europeans who live and operate within the US. I'd LOVE to see them move in some guys from Asia to get a chance. There's a lot of PXC guys who aren't good enough in theory for the UFC but could benefit from the opportunity to at least compete there.

6- Ringer Fights

Obviously any REALLY REALLY great prospects are getting UFC calls and not wasting their time on this. But let's say you do so decide to go to the UFC through Tuesday Night Contenders. Let's use Jose "Shorty" Torres for a sec, k? Would you take a Jose Torres and give him an obvious squash match set up so he looks super impressive to get the hype going? If so, can they handle the backlash if we see through it?

In the end, this is somewhere between a regional organization and a UFC lite. It's Dana White attempting to create a Looking For A Fight without having to look for it. It's a chance for prospects, veterans who live under the radar and potential organizational filler to get fights. For fighters on the regional circuit, it represents a substantial jump up in pay. There are just too many questions and concerns for this project to get out of the "cautiously optimistic" stage.

#MMA #UFC #Dana White #Contenders #DWTNCS

[everysuperherofighting]

The Best Music of 2018

2018 was a strange year for me. It should go without saying that the politics were grim, as the United States continued to embrace gestapo-esque tactics and concentration camps as a way of dealing with the “immigration crisis” (a lot of this happened under Obama too of course). The planet continued to slide into a dystopia of global warming as more and more animals became endangered or went extinct all-together. The mid-terms happened, with typically mixed results. Elon Musk called someone a pedophile on twitter for some reason.

On a personal level, in 2018 I moved to Ohio from Oregon (again). My band put out an EP. And I lost my father, something that I still grapple with on a daily basis, though it gets less present over time.

I’ve become interested in how I discover new music, as I’ve gotten older and can’t really consider myself to be fully plugged into any sort of youth culture, sub or otherwise. Finding new music has become a very intentional process; if I didn’t seek it out deliberately, I probably wouldn’t end up hearing much of anything. But that’s always kind of true for arty-weirdos like me.

For better or worse I discovered a lot of music the last two years through Youtube. As you probably know, if you play a song or an album on Youtube, there’s an autoplay feature that will automatically play something else when it’s done. I’ve found a lot of my favorite music lately this way, and in some ways it’s kind of filled the role that “cool record store clerk” or “late-night college dj” might have filled in the times past. This is not necessarily a good change. I’ve heard you can find a lot of white supremacists that way too.

Youtube has also become invaluable if you’re someone who wants to make a list like this one, and can’t afford to spend hundreds of dollars on albums. I think sometimes the artists even get paid a minuscule amount for the clicks! Hooray free information! I hope we can all find decent jobs someday.

1) CAMP COPE - HOW TO SOCIALISE & MAKE FRIENDS

I debated with myself about whether to put Camp Cope at number one, as they’re not the most musically complex or adventurous of my favorite albums this year. However I can’t think of another band that felt like it lyrically captured the zeitgeist of the times in such a powerful way. The whole album is great, catchy and upbeat jangly indie/punk with tinges of early 90s midwestern emo, made by three woman from Melbourne, Australia. Singer Georgia McDonald has a great voice, imbued with urgency, and her accent is a lot of fun to listen to too. Her lyrics have that same emotional rawness and honest specificity that early emo has as well - on “The Omen” she sings about loving someone since they were 17 and wishes for rescue dogs and a house by the sea, while on “I’ve Got You,” she bounces from the death of her father to police shootings, the loss of her childhood home, and the grappling with mental illness, and it all feels thematically relevant as this great moment of exhaled catharsis.

The stand-outs for me, however, are “The Opener” and “The Face of God.” “The Opener” is a scorching indictment of the indie music scene, as McDonald calls-out all the garbage women in bands have to deal with, from accusations that they only succeed based on their gender, to men continually explaining things, to men showing up to lay down a big steamy pile of unrequited love BS. These aren’t new observations, but hearing them all laid out in a row like this highlights their invulnerability and their ubiquitousness, the daily microaggressions that lead up to a larger picture of persistent inequality. On “The Face of God,” McDonald narrativizes the Me Too movement from the perspective of an abused fan, musing “could it be true? You couldn’t do that to someone. Not you, nah your music is too good,” her tortured delivery capturing the rage, shame, disbelief, and sadness of all the Me Too revelations about artists that we liked, and who abused that power again and again and again and again and again and again and again an

2) IDLES - JOY AS AN ACT OF RESISTANCE

Image by Paul Hudson via Flickr

Idles was one of my favorite discoveries of last year. I was actually a little concerned with this album since I’d heard the band was “embracing positivity” , and what I loved about Brutalism was their raw, unhinged sound and clever but cynical and pissed-off lyrics. There’s also a recurring thing for me of finding a really cool raw sounding band, punk adjacent but not necessarily fully in the scene, who then get less “punk” (and to me, less interesting) with each subsequent release as they sort of turn into just another indie dude band who like Big Star or the Replacements. This band sounds raw as fuck, I’ll say, and then later they’ll put out their fucking mandolin album.

Joy as an Act of Resistance is dope though, as their music continues to embrace a raw, chaotic sound of guitars that both swirl and jab like shards of glass, pounding “Lust For Life” toms, and stripped down basslines, while frontman Joe Talbot howls sarcastic indictments of masculinity, homophobia, and racism. In a similar way to last year’s Pissed Jeans album, they tackle ugly toxic masculinity with ugly, tough sounding music, hearkening back to a punk rock that was less rigid in sound. There’s this infectious positivity that runs through the whole thing however, a joy that comes from casting off the fixed roles that the patriarchal society tries to put upon us and embracing our (ironically) gentler natures. “I wanna be your best ever friend forever” Talbot says, sincerely on “Love Song.” “Let’s hug it out,” he repeats on “Never Fight a Man With A Perm,” and though the song is making fun of a coked out bruiser, I have a feeling it’s a sentiment he would share.

3) THE ARMED - ONLY LOVE

The synthesis of hardcore punk with electronic music is something I’ve been anticipating. There’s definitely been forebearers (Horse the Band comes to mind, though there’s probably other stuff in the underground), but this is the first time I’ve heard it done so well. The Armed sound like if you took one of the better mid-2000s screamy hardcore bands and mixed it with the noisiest and most frenetic parts of a chip-tune song. That may sound like a nightmare to a lot of you, but again, it’s done so well here that it just sounds like a noisy chaotic mess in the best and most elegant possible way. This is not to underplay the tightness of the song-craft at work here - the chaotic sound seems to me to be carefully orchestrated. Glitchy, brutal, climatic, and beautiful. (And the parts where the lady sings remind me of Blatz. The world could use more Blatz.)

4) SCREAMING FEMALES - ALL AT ONCE

Image by Jason Persse via Flickr

This band is kind of a mainstay on my year end list at this point, but I feel like they continually top their previous efforts, a rare quality for most bands. Incredible vocals, incredible song-writing, incredible guitar playing, as they reach ever greater levels of accessibility and hookiness, while still maintaining that slight edge that would put them forever as at home in a basement as a venue.

5) KALI UCHIS - ISOLATION

Kali Uchis lands at that sweet spot where pop, hip-hop, jazz, soul, and psychedelia intersect that’s occupied by similar weirdos like Janelle Monae, Miguel, and the Internet. It’s no wonder that one of the all-time prophets of future-looking pop, Boots Riley, shows up on one of the singles. There’s a real bossa-nova, latin jazz vibe on a lot of these tracks, and a kind of retro-sheen even as it pushes into the future. “It’s no fun to feel like a fool,” Kali Uchis croons while straight up wall of sound style saxophones blurp in the background. “Pussy is a hell of an addiction.”

6) THE INTERNET - HIVE MIND

Another year-end list staple for me, the Internet have been consistently putting out some of the best, solid-ass R+B since 2011. The whole thing is smooth as hell, but weird or tasteful in all the right places; the “hoo hoo” on “Humble Pie” or the building horns on “Mood.” And retaining just a hint of that old Odd Future off-kilterness around the edges. OG Dungeon Family poet “Big Rube” shows up on “It Gets Better (With Time).”

7) JEAN GRAE AND QUELLE CHRIS - EVERYTHING’S FINE

Quelle Chris is a new one for me, but I rocked Jean Grae when I first started getting into indie rap back in high school. I always wondered what happened to her since then, but apparently she’s been putting out a steady stream of mixtapes and underground releases pretty much the whole time, self releasing a lot of them through bandcamp. She’s a wicked lyricist, and her and Quelle Chris trade off bars of dense wordplay and biting commentary on the current age of “self-care” and neoliberal hellscapes over beats that are just weird enough. Much of their verses are delivered through a lens of ironic detachment, but it’s especially affecting when the irony cracks into real urgency or emotion, as in “Breakfast of Champions,” a reflection on the grueling, consistent presence of racism in America. “It’s bound to wreck your body or straight burn your body out” they muse, and then later, as if realizing the gravity of it all, “it’s like damn, shit, fuck, wow…”

Also Quelle Chris apparently taught himself to program 8-bit video games for one of the videos.

8) SELF DEFENSE FAMILY - HAVE YOU CONSIDERED PUNK MUSIC

Yeah dude, you know I like punk rock that don’t follow no rules. This is definitely more in the vein of Fugazi, or maybe even a slightly more jagged Wilco, than a NOFX or 7 Seconds, with nods to Americana and a vocal delivery that reminds me of a raspier Craig Finn. A central preoccupation of the album seems to be the delicate balance between art and maturity, made all the more so when you’re tied to a subculture that’s only “supposed” to last you through your early 20s. There’s some great lines throughout: “ “Explaining motherhood to a man, cold observation but he’s not capable of understanding; detailing math to a dog, won’t retain a word but if you’re lucky he may be a good boy and nod” and “The world’s not turning for you and the road never rises, you’re eking out a living like every other asshole” are highlights for me, but I think my favorite bit of cleverness is actually just the juxtaposition between the titles of tracks 6 and 7. “Have You Considered Punk Music?” asks one. The other: “Have You Considered Anything Else?”

9) SINGLE MOTHERS - THROUGH A WALL

Image by CRUSTINA! via Flickr

And here we have a release that’s a little more meat and potatoes, with steam-rolling drum beats, distortion, and yelled vocals about the desperation to be found in modern life’s mudanities, “dog parks and IPA.” This album’s just some fucking ferocious non-screamy hardcore, with that same relentless quality that the best hardcore albums have. “Catch and Release” even has some double kick on it. Interestingly, I find some of the core anxieties the same as in the album above however: “Better people than you or I have lost that spark for life,” Andrew Thomson bellows on 24/7, a Cassandra portending the potential pitfalls of age.

10) HOP ALONG - BARK YOUR HEAD OFF, DOG

Singer Francis Quinlan has an incredible voice, powerful and worldly, and she paints quick snapshots of narrative with her lyrics like a Lydia Davis story. The music has shades of mid-western emo, with some kind of funky, almost Jackson 5 style guitar lines. This one is definitely a step up in terms of instrumentation from their earlier records, with strings, acoustic guitars, and other orchestral touches. The title refers specifically to a dying dog from one of the tracks, though it also seems to apply to all the characters briefly given voice throughout the album.

11) CINDER WELL - THE UNCONSCIOUS ECHO

Beautiful, haunting folk from Amelia Baker of Blackbird Raum (and a few other fellows mostly from the folk punk/bluegrass scene). A little more straight folk than Blackbird Raum’s high energy mix of folk, metal, and hardcore. Stripped down and evocative, with one foot firmly in an irish folk tradition. Like Blackbird Raum, there is a foreboding quality to much of the music, like a warning of dark things to come.

12) NONAME - ROOM 25

A micro-trend I noticed in hip-hop this year was short albums, notable from a tradition that often includes massive releases and mixtapes stuffed with skits and interludes. This is the first of example of this on my list, clocking in at a respectable 34:48. Noname is a great rapper with an intricate flow, technical without being too dense for a more casual listener, keeping her ideas and narratives clear and present over funky neo soul beats. At times she can be extremely candid, rapping about her sexual escapades, emotions, and insecurities. In one of my favorite moments, the track titled “No Name,” she discusses the spirituality behind her stage name: “When we walk into heaven, nobody’s name gon’ exist; just boundless movement for joy, nakedness radiance.” She’s funny too though. “I’m just writing my darkest secrets like wait and just hear me out; saying vegan food is delicious like wait and just hear me out.”

13) JEFF ROSENSTOCK - POST

More noisy power pop from former Bomb the Music Industry frontman Jeff Rosenstock (though I suppose by this point his solo career is at least as significant; Bomb albums never made it to Pitchfork). I think this one’s a little less varied than “Worry” before it, and a little rawer around the edges. The title is seemingly referring to the time post-2016 election, though it seems to often be more interested in profiling the anxious mood than making specific political points (which you probably all know anyway). I can’t think of another song writer off the top of my head that more consistently exemplifies the anxieties of the millennial generation, whether it’s the mid-20s woes of joblessness and friend loss often detailed in Bomb the Music Industry, or this current outing. On “Yr Throat,” he talks about the ease he has talking about relatively frivolous matter like video games and vinyl records, verses more important matters. One of my favorite lines in the song is a little more direct however, commenting on you-know-who: “It’s not like any other job I know; if you’re a piece of shit they don’t let you go.”

14) DEATH GRIPS - YEAR OF THE SNITCH

Image by Montecruz Foto via Flickr

Supposedly the album title has something to do with Charles Manson, at least according to their very vocal and sometimes uncomfortably affiliated online fanbase. It’s pretty rare that I can fully decipher what a song is about, other than generally surreal lyrics that hint toward a dirty and unsettling underground, whether urban, suburban, or solely online. Death Grips, if you don’t know, make experimental and abstract hip-hop, featuring dark and somewhat unconventional beats, with a live drummer, seeming to draw as much from the tradition of noise music than from rap. For as weird as all this is, however, there’s usually a pretty solid song structure underlying each track, and they create some sticky hooks out of all the electronic chaos and bellowed raps. This time around there seems to be a bit of a shoegaze influence as well, which…. doesn’t quite fit their aesthetic? But is pretty interesting all the same.

15) RAVYN LENAE - CRUSH

Steve Lacy from the Internet (the band) produced this 5 track long EP of retro/future funk and R+B. “Sticky” is as catch a song as ever there was, and Ravyn Lenae does a great job kind of floating over the beat, mixing up her delivery. These artists nod a lot to 70s R+B and funk, and I love that they preserve the strangeness of a lot of that stuff, that otherwordly vibe, whether it’s the “oooo-HOO-hoo-hoo” on “Sticky” or the blunted synth stabs on “4 Leaf Clover.”

16) HINDS - I DON’T RUN

Image by Paul Hudson via Flickr

Indie rock from Madrid with several lady vocalists that’s just a tad sloppy, in a good way. Catchy and relationship oriented, but scratching at something deeper beyond the surface. I love the way the vocal mics all seem to distort slightly. Maybe I’m just an old now, but it makes me nostalgic for college in some way, smoking cigarettes and being heartbroken. Which was probably not actually as fun as I remember it.

17) JPEGMAFIA - VETERAN

Hard as hell raps over jittery noise beats that sometimes merge into moments of dreamlike beauty from a hip-hop auteur who handles all the production himself. This kind of reminds me of when Pitchfork called Odd Future “/b/ boys” (referring to 4chan). This is the new Extremely Online hip-hop, endlessly irony poisoned, vaguely left-wing but mostly cynical, inside jokes upon inside jokes. It seems like there’s some real anger in here too, and his raps often involve promises of violence, usually upon various members of the alt right: “Look, it’s the young alt-right menace; What’s the pistol to a pennant?”

18) MILO - BUDDING ORNITHOLOGISTS ARE WEARY OF TIRED ANALOGIES

Milo reminds me of the best of the older backpacker rappers, dropping classic lines so fast that you miss about 2/3rds of them the first couple times through. Equally at home dropping a reference to a video game, a philosopher, the harshness of race in America, and the Guggenheim fellowship, like one of those memes that eradicates the distinction between high and low culture by putting references to existentialist philosophers over a picture of Spongebob. Of course, hip-hop has always been doing that, hasn’t it?

19) EARL SWEATSHIRT - SOME RAP SONGS

Image by Anna Hanks via Flickr

Another notably short album, at a brisk 24:39. The songs are short too, often coming across as sketches, though really this is the kind of project made to listen to in one sitting. Like a lot of the rap albums on here, this is a project that takes the beats as well as the rhymes seriously, pushing forward into avant garde territory, but in a mellower way than JPEGMAFIA or Death Grips. They have an almost hypnotic quality to them, as Earl raps in his slightly aloof manner, though here the aloofness feels more like a mask only thinly hiding a deep sense of melancholy. The samples on here are thick with that old record hiss - even the vocals are hissy, like a transmission from someplace far away.

20) SUDAN ARCHIVES - SINK

Sudan Archives is a violinist from Cincinnati who makes pop music that sounds like nothing else out there, though it takes cues from hip-hop, R+B, electronica, and world music. The beats are stripped down but still lush sounding, the violin often leading in a way that sounds strange and otherwordly, utilized for it’s ability to create rhythmic hooks, while her lyrics meld the personal with the empowering with the political.

21) TEYANA TAYLOR - K.T.S.E.

Kanye West produced 5 different 7 to 8 track albums this year, with mixed results. A lot of people stan Pusha T’s Daytona, but this one was my favorite, a short and sweet album that’s mellow, romantic, and a little dirty. Teyana Taylor puts in a very versatile performance, and her voice is perfectly suited to ride over the old soul samples that make up the bulk of the production. Kanye’s musical output was of course overshadowed by his various bizarre political statements and right wing flirtations, but it would be a shame for this gem to get lost in the fray.

22) CHURCH OF THE COSMIC SKULL - SCIENCE FICTION

I don’t always love heavily conceptualized “revival” type bands, but this one is so much fun, not just doing pitch perfect 70s hard rock, but also spoofing (at least, I think it’s a spoof) the phenomenon of 70s cults. The members seem to dress in all white, and look like they just stepped off some Jesus-dude’s farm/compound. Of course it wouldn’t work if the music wasn’t so damn hooky. Harmonies, heavy organs, and hella riffs.

23) VINCE STAPLES - FM!

And another super short hip-hop album from one of contemporary rap’s best. Vince’s projects usually feature stripped down beats that would sound good in a car or a club, but the lyrical matter is dark as hell, another example of what a strange genre gangsta rap is when viewed from the outside. It’s hyper-masculine and braggadocios, but also equally often an expression of black pain that is then commodified into bangers for clubs, cars, and house parties full of white frat boys to dance and drink to. The contrast is all the more apparent every time Vince mentions one of his dead friends. I dunno dude, maybe I’m just getting old.

24) JANELLE MONAE - DIRTY COMPUTER

This didn’t grab me as immediately as her previous two full lengths, trending a little too close to mainstream pop for my tastes. But underneath the added sheen, it’s still a Janelle Monae album, bouncing gleefully from Prince-style funk jams to buoyant electro tunes. Monae drops the cyber-punk robo future concept to make an on-the-nose, album length celebration of queerness (though I think there may be some sci-fi on the Dirty Computer short film, which I haven’t watched yet.) The celebratory nature fits the larger, more conventional pop moves here, a sort of “queering” of mainstream pop. There’s also more rapping here than ever, and it’s always fun to hear Monae drop some bars.

25) FUCKED UP - DOSE YOUR DREAMS

Image by CRUSTINA! via Flickr

Similar to the above, this is an album from a long time favorite of mine that didn’t grab me as much as their earlier efforts, and that also seems to be making some moves toward a more mainstream pop sound, though here of course it’s pop music featuring a bellowing, gravel voiced hardcore singer and a bunch of loud Cock Sparrer style guitar lines. This is a concept album, apparently about a character who quits his job and goes on a drug fueled odyssey through the nature of reality, learning to reject an oppressive capitalist society, which sounds like the plot of an 80s British comic book, and hey, the cover is basically ripped straight from the pages of Watchmen, so there you go. They try out a lot of different styles here, which can be a bit hit or miss, but the core of Fucked Up, the interplay between Abraham’s bombastic bellows and huge sounding guitars, is as raucous and triumphant as ever, if a little more familiar.

[themadcapmathematician]

all i know abt transformers is the shia movie and the fact that darren criss plays one in the cartoons i think? should i get into transformers is what i'm asking

Oh god this is my favorite question. I’m not sure how to answer it but its my fave. Pull up a chair. I hope you’ve got some time on your hands.

The short answer: yes. You should at least give it a try. Transformers is a 30+ year old muti-media franchise that gets rebooted almost every 3 years so it basically has something interesting to offer almost any fan. If you end up not liking it that’s cool but there’s a lot to try before you decide.

The long answer is: yes you should and here’s why and here’s a rough idea of all the options you have to sample. I’m about to go on a long rant anon so you can check it out now or later or whatever but I’m just warning you ahead of time.

The basic Transformers plot (which I’m sure you know but I’m gonna go more in depth in a minute) is that a race of giant robot aliens who can turn into vehicles and other things have been engaged in a civil war that has lasted millions of years. This is the basic plot that all tf franchises spawn from although some explore slightly different subject matters. If that doesn’t appeal to you I mean there /might/ be a few other things you might find worth sticking around for because there’s just so fucking much of it, but you’re welcome to turn back now because that’s the basic things tf has to offer: giant robot aliens, cars and planes, fighting, some drama. Those are what tf is best at, with some variation.

It has a very active and long lived fan base and each section of the fan base is interested in different stuff with some crossover. There are people who literally only care about collecting the toys, people who wont try any other series except g1, people who only like the comics, etc. Etc. You’ll probably find people who like what you do pretty readily. If you like the toys there are toy forums and blogs. If you like the cartoons there are forums and blogs made for that too. If you like the comics, same. There’s a pretty active following of the comics and cartoon series on Tumblr alone; I would try searching the #maccadam tag since most tf activity has been moved there since the bay movies came out. Id also use the tf wiki liberally because it has pm all the information you’ll need to know about the fandom and the canon lore. There’s also plenty of fan fiction on Ao3 and ff.net if you’re into that and pm anyplace that hosts fan art has tf fan art.

Now there are several series, including comics, cartoons, the Michael bay films, the cartoon movie, spin off books, and video games. I’m gonna go over my personal favorites because I like and know them best but there are more than these if you’re interested in digging deeper.

(More under the cut)

G1: there are a lot of forms of what fans refer to as Generation 1 or G1 but if you live in the US its likely they’re talking about the very first cartoon series.

Summary: the autobots and the decepticons stripped their planet of resources and went looking for a new planet to continue surviving on. They both crashlanded on earth where they lay dormant for millions of years until conveniently awakened somewhere during the 1980s, where they continue their war all over again

Why you should try it: listen its cheesy as hell and full of nonsense plotlines and animation errors but not only is it good fun but at least watching an episode or two might give you a decent grasp on what spawned this enormous franchise in the first place.

G1 movie: this movie was a game changer. Its technically right in the middle of the g1 cartoon but it works as a standalone film too. while it has many trappings of the cartoon its better animated and has a more consistent and dramatic story.

Summary: Optimus Prime and Megatron fight, OP dies (yes he fucking DIES for the very first time. thousands of 10 year olds bawl their eyes out), Megatron gets mortally wounded, and the Matrix of Leadership (aka an autobot holy item/macguffin [this is the proto-cube btw]) has to choose a new leader.

Why you should try it: decent animation, classics lines, tons of 80s rock music, and it establishes a lot of tf conventions that would be carried over to all series that come after it.

Beast Wars: haha the 90s couldn’t be left out of the transformers fun, now could it? This was one of the first all-cg cartoon series in history and while its not much to look at nowadays, it was a big step in the 90s.

Summary: the series doesn’t center on Optimus Prime and Megatron but their decendants. The war is long over but some factions are starting to clash once again. Several members of these factions do the whole “crash land on earth while fighting” thing except they wake up during times before humans and instead of taking vehicle modes, they take animal forms, thus the name.

Why you should give it a try: it establishes the idea of Sparks for the first time, it has historical significance in the cgi realm, and it has a decent storyline with interesting characters. If you can muscle through the 90s-computer-animation look it might be the show for you!

Transformers: Animated: I dont think its a secret that this is one of my favorite tf series of all times. It was the first cartoon series I ever watched of tf and it also features my favorite toy line.

Summary: Optimus Prime is much less a war hero and more of a ..janitor really. He flunked out of the academy and spends his time repairing space bridges. One time during repairs though, they stumble across the Cube and just their luck, Megatron and some nearby cons are looking for it. They portal away to earth where they, you guessed it, crashland, until they’re awoken sometime in the future and go on adventures in futuristic Detroit.

Why you should give it a try: I like tfa’s art style and story and characterisation best tbh; Optimus is younger and more unsure of himself but also more earnest, with more visible baggage. The rest of his team feel like a ragtag band of misfits (which I have a weakness for no lie lmfao) who are still trying to find their place in this conflict and the future ahead of them. Sari is also one of the more beloved human companions and the show’s take on classics characters feels fresh and interesting, and the interpretation of the autobots and decepticons themselves is surprisingly nuanced.

Transformers: Prime: remember that 90s animation? Kiss that shit good bye my friend. This cgi is some beautiful shit. More than a few fans wish tfp is the art direction the movies had taken, storyline aside.

Summary: the autobots are already on earth, staking it out and fighting a more subdued sort of conflict with the cons. One day they get some human kids involved and stumble across some conspiracy shit and it all spirals out of control from there.

Why you should give it a try: great animation and atmosphere, gorgeous character designs, a solid interpretation go the characters, and it offers a more serious take on the story over all.

Rescue Bots: I’ve noticed this show doesn’t make the list a lot which is a shame? It has a much younger audience than any of then other series but its still quality and one of my fave tf series.

Summary: the ship of four non-combatants who were left in stasis before the war detect a transmission telling autobots to go to earth, so it…goes to earth. There they wake up on some island and are told they’ve gotta start building a repatoire with the native species…but they can’t reveal that they’re sentient aliens yet.

Why you should give it a try: ok ok, most of the series are made for 7-12 year olds with the teen and adult fans sort of in mind, this show…is a show made for pre-K kids, no joke. Its a lot less…murder-y, and this is especially saying something because it came out at the same time TFP did and in fact is supposed to take place in the same universe!

BUT, but it has a consistently well-written story and characterization, it addresses stuff I never thought it would, and its a nice break from the ridiculously high stakes of the other series. Honestly Rescue Bots is great and I wish more people talked about it because its a series totally worth watching, certainly as much as any of the others.

More Than Meets the Eye comics: there are a lot of comic series but so far this is my favorite one lol

Summary: the war is over, Optimus is done with everyone’s shit and splits the matrix in half, giving one to rodimus and they other to bumblebee. And what does roddy do with his newfound matrix half? Decide he’s going on a quest of course! And who better to go with than literally every unqualified misfit the autobot and neutral factions have to offer?

Why you should give it a try: ridiculous shenanigans, horror, drama, intrigue, strong characterisation, and a killer aesthetic. Damn it may not always give me what I want but its got a lot of exactly what I’m always looking for.

There are some video games (Fall of Cybertron, War For Cybertron, Transformers: Devastation), other comic series (Robots in Disguise, G1/UK comics), and the Robots in Disguise cartoon, however I don’t have a decent enough grasp on them to describe them super well I just know they’re pretty good and have had people recommend them to me. You’re welcome to try those as well of course.

Also if you’re into toy collecting or want to get into it there’s a lot of materials you can read and such but my personal advice is pretty simple:

1) go to walmart, target, a store that sells collectibles, a convention, or a garage sale

2) buy a cheap toy that you like. Don’t spend over like $20

3) decide if that was a fun experience or not and if you like having this toy or not

If you liked it enough to keep buying, then congrats, toy collecting might be right for you! Do your research, Don’t blow too much money too quickly, take it easy, have fun.

But yeah sorry this is really long but I do hope you consider giving transformers a try since I know I love it a lot and it really has a lot to offer. I hope this wasn’t like…a crazy response. That a crazy person might give. And that I didn’t scare you away or anything XS

the key is to try some stuff and have fun and if its not your thing that’s cool too! Have a chill night anon

#transformers #maccadam #anon #madcap rants #madcap replies #tf #info

[clairelutra]

hey, @twindoodle, i’m your backup secret santa for the @mlsecretsanta this year!

i was stalling kind of hard over what you might like, but then found that ‘adrien actin like chat’ was a Thing that you might enjoy, so here. i hope adrien figuring things out is up your alley :D

your art is heckin adorable and it was an honor to do this for you ♥ happy (very belated) holidays!

I WANT @mirthaculous‘S POWERS HOLY SHIT and also thank her so much she f i n i s h e d this at 6am, that’s how much cleaning up this required hj hfjhg dgdjhfkjh j gljg bvmgkljh //laysonface ;; ♥♥♥♥

summary: In which Adrien learns how to flirt and Marinette screams internally, externally, and eternally.

Being friends with Adrien Agreste throughout all of lycée was... kind of fascinating, honestly.

He changed so much.

One upon a time Marinette had fallen in love with him because he was kind, and he was good, and he stood up against inequality when he saw it --- which was a rare thing, at least in Marinette's experience. Those qualities had never gone away, but the longer she knew him, the more different they began to look.

In good ways.

Very good ways.

(The longer she knew him, the less she knew how to tell him that, so her crush remained embarrassingly large and embarrassingly impotent.

She... she was working on it.)

But the point was, being sort-of friends with Adrien throughout the whole of lycée was interesting because she got to see the slow progress of Adrien gaining confidence.

When he'd first started coming to school, he was shy.

Very shy.

It hadn't been something she'd realized at the time, but looking back, he'd faded into the background unless he was called out. He never spoke out against anyone without being extremely pressed, and even then only Chloé was able to push his buttons that bad. The only person he'd initiated contact with was Nino.

It had emphasized how polite he was, how selflessly kind he was, but it also kept him at an arm's length from just about everyone. Marinette's picture of him was pieced through the lens of her crush, the little moments where he was kind and understanding and gentle, and through the copious number of modelling ads that moved from her favorite magazines to her walls.

He played piano and basketball, he fenced, he volunteered at animal shelters, and... that was all she knew. For the whole first year of lycée she was able to recite his schedule off the top of her head at any given moment, but she hadn't known how he felt about any of them.

It was funny to think about now, but she'd spent all her time learning everything she could about him... and in the end, knew absolutely nothing about him.

Thankfully, that started to change by the end of seconde year, and she was pretty sure she had Nino to thank for it. It was Nino being his usual self, complete with careful care and omnipresent Friendship, that had slowly brought Adrien out of his shell.

Marinette hadn't noticed the start of the change, still too busy worshipping the pictures on her walls to see it happening. But sometimes he would stop and talk to her when he hadn't before, or stand close enough to Alya to get tugged into her strike range for physical affection, or speak up in a class discussion with a quiet joke instead of his normal attentive seriousness.

Their second year, in première, did more for him. In première he had friends.

This also took Marinette a while to notice, but he could sometimes be seen brushing Juleka's hair in the halls during their shared free period, or spending at least an hour in the library with Max every week nerding out over video games, or being fairly tight texting buddies with Alya.

Première was also the year that Marinette learned how to string together a complete, coherent sentence in front of him. That was the year they had their first real two-sided dialogue involving a mutual exchange of information --- and her first real, true glimpse at who Adrien was under all that polite shyness.

He was sweet. He was kind. He was enthusiastic and dorky and had a sense of humor that she was almost contractually obligated to roll her eyes at.

That was about the point where Marinette's crush went from 'mildly obsessive' to 'actually debilitating.'

It was made even more debilitating by the fact that Adrien truly, honestly seemed to enjoy her company.

She would walk into the classroom where her friends were having a debate, and catching sight of her was all it would take to turn Adrien's frown upside down. He laughed at all her jokes, even the terrible ones. He hugged her after his fencing tournaments and called her after school to talk about the most random, stupid things that came to mind, like he was just looking for an excuse to talk to her.

Eventually she knew enough about him to fill a textbook, and every new thing she learned just made her crush harder to bear.

Sure, she could string together a sentence in front of him now, but at what cost?

(This was made even worse by the fact that première was also the year that Chat had toned down his showing off.

She'd already been having trouble ignoring the tiny little crush she'd developed on her cute, loyal partner, only to discover that said crush got several times bigger and harder to ignore when his outrageous flirting was replaced by open, crystal-clear, heart-on-his-sleeve honesty.

It was a lot easier to brush off a casual, winking, "Ah, the sparks between us must have shorted the elevator out," than it was to brush off a dazed, awed, "You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

All of this meant that Marinette was caught between a crush that was getting more casually affectionate all the time, and a suitor that was getting decidedly less casual --- and yet no less respectful or trustworthy --- all the time.

Long story short, Marinette spent much of her première year screaming into her pillow.)

And then came year three: Terminale.

And during terminale, Adrien somehow, somewhere, learned how to flirt.

Marinette wanted a refund.

Oh, it had started subtle enough: little innuendo-laced comments that he didn't go out of his way to avoid, innocent touches when they talked, watching her out of the corners of his eyes and not looking away when she caught him. Little things that managed to imply that he wouldn't really mind if she wanted to kiss him.

Given that Marinette had very much wanted to kiss him for a good two and a half years by that point, it was just enough of a not-invitation to make her go out of her mind.

He doesn't mean it, became her daily mantra. He doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't---

(Chat, on the other hand, definitely did mean it, and had no problem with making that perfectly clear at any given opportunity --- without ever actually pushing her boundaries.

You see what Marinette's problem was here, right?)

And then, as Marinette spectacularly failed to reject him, it. Got. Worse.

Kisses on the back of her hand, jokes about dating, jokes about kissing --- Adrien wouldn't make the jokes himself, but the little smirk on his face when someone implied that they were doing things was just as bad, if not much, much worse.

There was more innocent touching, more slightly-less-innocent touching (arms under her thighs on the few occasions when he picked her up, hugs that lasted a little too long, hands idly rested on her waist when she stood next to him...), and a general lack of shame about touching her all around.

Marinette, frustrated beyond belief (in many more ways than one), hadn't been sure if she was in heaven or in hell.

Then, somehow, it got worse.

Because, you know, of course it did.

Now Adrien stretched if he caught her staring, always with an unbearably cocky little grin that she wanted to smack off, kiss off, and sit on by turns. Marinette discovered first-hand that no, Adrien actually making the dirty jokes was infinitely, infinitely worse than simply not denying them. He kissed her cheek and complimented her appearance and smiled at her when he thought she wasn't looking --- only to smile wider when he found she was looking back.

Hell. It was definitely hell that she was in.

(And all of this was chased by deep midnight conversations with Chat; by races across rooftops that ended in slow-dancing on the top of the Eiffel Tower to the sound of their own humming; by Chat actually swooning into her arms when she kissed his cheek; by Chat dropping hints about his civilian identity, practically begging her to figure it out once she'd implied that she wouldn't mind knowing; by Chat kissing her knuckles while his eyes offered a promise he didn't have to voice...

Marinette was in trouble.

Marinette was in major trouble.)

The final straw came somewhere around finals season, when everyone was preparing for their baccalauréats.

She and Adrien were studying together with Nino and Alya in the library study rooms, as friends do --- and Marinette, exhausted right past the point of being able to focus, was starting to derail every question they tackled.

Alya, hoping to threaten Marinette back into focusing on the material, pulled the straw out of her smuggled latte and waved it in Marinette's face. "I swear, if you take us off course one more time..."

Then one her feints swung a little wide, and Marinette found herself thwacked across the cheek with a whipped-cream-laden straw.

"Hey!"

"Oh, whoops," Alya laughed, incorrigible, looking over the study-material-covered table for napkins. "You gotta dodge, girl!"

"I didn't think you'd actually hit me!" Marinette whined, hand only hovering by her cheek because a life spent in a bakery meant that she was practically hardwired to never touch her face when food was involved.

Across the table, Adrien looked pointedly up at the ceiling, incidentally doing nothing to hide his grin.

"Oh you hush," Marinette grumbled, folding her hands on the table and submitting to her fate of whipped cream showcase.

Adrien looked down from the ceiling, expression softening the moment he laid his eyes on her, just as it always did lately.

Marinette, just as she always did lately, felt her heart stammer to a stop, cheeks heating at a furious pace.

(She really wanted that refund.)

The corner of his mouth quirked kindly, and Marinette watched it in blank fascination.

He'd always been unbearably pretty, but there was a saying about how a soul could make a body beautiful, and Marinette was of the firm opinion that Adrien's could've made any body beautiful.

That was the thought floating around in her head when Adrien leaned out of his seat and reached across the table, and it distracted her so much that she didn't realize what he was going to do until he was already in the process of doing it.

Fingers on her cheek, Adrien dragged them through the sugary mess --- warm, rough fencing callouses on her sensitive skin and a soft smile on his face.

Marinette couldn't do anything but stare and burn.

He withdrew his hand, studying the cream on his fingers for a moment before opening his mouth and---

Marinette's hand shot out entirely of its own accord and wrapped around his wrist, halting it halfway across the table.

In that moment, Marinette was absolutely sure that he was about to lick his fingers clean, and that if he did, it would be the one thing she couldn't survive.

It wouldn't be a big thing, it wouldn't be the worst thing --- heck, it wouldn't even be a notable thing in the long run of truly mind-blowing things he'd said and done to her over the past year --- but she was tired. She was unfocused. She was distracted and frustrated and just last night Chat had dropped yet another hint as to who he was, and...

And Marinette was starting to suspect.

And if her suspicions were correct, then she really wouldn't be able to take that.

She just wouldn't.

So, of course, her solution to the issue was to drag Adrien's hand back over and lick his fingers clean herself.

Logic.

She got as far as tasting the salt of his skin beneath the sweet, creamy flavour before she realized that she'd made a very big mistake.

Mouth watering, she glanced up to find all traces of Adrien's smile gone, wiped clean by naked shock.

She considered for a second, and then gave his fingers a gentle, experimental suck.

Adrien's pupils visibly dilated, his jaw going slack.

If he asked, she planned to protest that his fingers were already there, and what else was she supposed to do with things in her mouth, really?

He didn't ask.

Marinette, emboldened, swirled her tongue around the digits in a motion just this side of too-suggestive to be excused as an attempt to get all of the cream, heat tingling low in the pit of her stomach.

(She'd had fantasies, okay?)

A low, pressurized noise escaped Adrien, slightly more than a wheeze but distinctly less than a groan, and it took all of Marinette's reservations and threw them bodily from the nearest tenth-story window.

She let her eyes slide shut and went after every trace of whipped cream with a vengeance.

(A sweet, seductive, suggestive vengeance, but a vengeance all the same.)

(Fantasies. She'd had them.)

When she opened her eyes back up, she found Adrien staring at her, flushed from hairline to collar with still more of the blush peeking out from the sleeves of his t-shirt. She was pretty sure he'd stopped breathing altogether. The moment their eyes met, his mouth shut with a click, his adam's apple bobbing with an audible gulp.

Marinette, in a show of spectacular self-control, did not attempt to clamber over the table.

Rather, in a show of a spectacular lack of self-control, she pulled his hand out of her mouth with a combined purr and suck, smirking as soon as his fingers were free.

Impulse had her licking her lips, hunger settling low in her belly at the taste of salt and glee spiking in her veins as he tracked the motion. Impulse also had her smirking a little wider as she purred, "Thanks for the treat, mon minou."

If it wasn't him, it would just be a pet name. If it was him, she'd know.)

His entire face went lust-slack, lips numbly forming, Ladybu---

"Um. Do we need to leave the room?"

Marinette and Adrien leapt about a foot in the air as one.

(It was him, it was him, it was h i m---)

Alya and Nino were also acting as one, staring hard and quirking their eyebrows in eerie sync.

"Uhh," said Marinette.

(---it was him, it was him, it was him---)

Adrien wrenched his hand out her grip, yelping, "Nope! Nope, we're--- we're f-fine---... We... We're... Um."

"I mean," said Alya, eyebrow game still going strong, "if you need us to leave so you can clear out that UST, it might help."

(It was him.)

"Nnn..." Adrien started.

"Well, I mean," said Marinette, cutting him off and glancing at him pointedly, because never let it be said that she hesitated once she knew what she wanted.

She didn't think she'd ever seen Adrien shut up so fast.

Alya looked from Marinette to Adrien and then to Nino, who raised his eyebrows back at her, then pushed herself up.

Marinette blinked. She hadn't expected to be listened to.

"Well then," Alya said over the scrape of Nino's chair as he followed her. "I'm getting another latte. Let us know when you can focus on test prep again."

"Um," said Adrien.

"Right," said Marinette.

They left.

To her credit, she waited until the door had clicked shut behind them before actually climbing over the table.

(It took her a while to get around to it, occupied as she was by Adrien's eager mouth and eager hands, but somewhere in the middle of all of it she managed to accuse, "You found me. When?"

"It's been a year, slowpoke."

"Oh my god, Chat."

He just laughed --- laughed and laughed and laughed until she captured his mouth and proved how very potent her crush could be, and let him prove to her just how much confidence he'd gained.

She was still in major trouble, but she couldn't say she wanted that refund anymore.)

#adrinette #adrienette #ladynoir #twindoodle #mlsecretsanta 2k16 #my fic #♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ #1k #Neat™

[kidsviral-blog]

Meet Sage The Gemini, The Bay Area Rap Scene's Surprise Breakout Star

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/meet-sage-the-gemini-the-bay-area-rap-scenes-surprise-breakout-star/

Meet Sage The Gemini, The Bay Area Rap Scene's Surprise Breakout Star

The “Gas Pedal” rapper might be the first genuine pop-crossover star to come from this tight-knit, influential community. But if he looks like he’s not enjoying the ride, it’s because he’s got a chip on his shoulder the size of Northern California.

View this image ›

Photograph by Aylin Zafar for BuzzFeed

“Good luck, put some talcum powder on your nuts, and drink some water.” Sage the Gemini, a 21-year-old rapper from Fairfield, Calif., laughs as he reads aloud a text message from his friend IamSu, a fellow Bay Area rapper and producer named Sudan Ahmeer Williams. Su is only three years older than Sage, but he’s become an encouraging, older-brother-type figure in the past couple of years, and the two have recorded, performed, and traveled together as a part of HBK Gang (short for Heartbreak Gang), a crew of rappers, producers, and video directors that Su co-founded.

It’s late October 2013 and Sage — born Dominic Wynn Woods — is getting his hair cut in a greenroom backstage at BET before making his TV debut on 106 & Park. Standing at 6 feet 5 inches, Sage easily towers over most people, but his presence and movements feel more like that of an overgrown kid than anything intimidating. Toned and fit, he has the look of a heartthrob, and girls on social media coo over the jade-hued eyes that gave Sage his stage name. He’s joined in the room by his four dancers — Dmac, Chonkie, Liyah, and Wani — and his DJ, Lucci. Most of them are a bit younger than Sage, but they all grew up together in Fairfield and have been friends since high school.

Sage is the only member of the HBK crew with his own backup dancers — dance has always been an important part of growing up in the Bay, a crucial element of the area’s culture and energy, even if the best-known recent signature moves have come out of the L.A. hip-hop scene, where the “jerk” and “Cat Daddy” dance fads bloomed. But Sage’s two breakout hits, “Gas Pedal” and “Red Nose,” and their accompanying dances have resurrected dance in the Bay thanks to people uploading videos of their own routines to YouTube and Vine.

Seated around a TV screen in the BET greenroom, Sage’s crew watches his DJ Lucci check lighting and sound onstage. Lucci dances alone, turning side to side, his arms drumming up and down, like Sage does in the “Gas Pedal” video. Lucci’s hair is long, curly, and half-braided, and he’s unaware that his friends are watching him. “He just came out of the womb dancing!” Sage laughs. “The doctor ain’t even cut the umbilical cord, he’s already got it, swinging!” He jumps up and simulates coming out of the womb while dancing.

With his day-one friends, Sage is at ease — but he regularly alludes to a time when he was less comfortable and less accepted. “They used to call me Lil Bow Wow’s little brother when I was younger,” Sage tells his manager, Stretch, referring to the ‘00s kid rapper now known just as Bow Wow, and one of 106 & Park’s hosts. “Because I was light-skinned and my nose didn’t really fit my face. It was hecka funny because now those same people are gonna be watching and be like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Public appearances with famous people will be the norm for him over the next couple of months. He signed a major-label deal with Republic Records last summer, and since, his schedule has been filled with promo appearances at radio stations, tour dates with HBK, and performances at high schools, all pointing toward the March release of his debut album, Remember Me.

After a quick rehearsal, the group performs two songs during the show’s live taping: “Gas Pedal” — the single that caught Republic’s attention and has gone platinum since the label signed Sage, with almost 45 million views on YouTube. Justin Bieber even hopped on the official remix of the song for the album. His second hit, “Red Nose,” has been certified gold.

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Photograph by Aylin Zafar for BuzzFeed

After the performance, Bow Wow interviews Sage. He’s more self-deprecating than you might expect for a budding star, pointing out that he’s not “really rapping” seriously on “Red Nose.” “That’s just catchy stuff,” he says. He’s reluctant to step into the playboy role expected of good-looking, famous twentysomethings, but he’s also a confident romantic, telling Bow Wow that he’s ready to get married. “I been through a whole lot, and I don’t wanna just be runnin’ around on Twitter like, ‘Hey… come backstage,’ you know? I’ve been a loverboy since the seventh grade,” Sage tells Bow Wow.

Later, the crowd goes wild as Dmac teaches Bow Wow the “Gas Pedal” dance — a variation on the J12, a dance made up by a 19-year-old from Oakland, and which was popularized around the Bay Area by dance videos soundtracked by local rapper Clyde Carson’s song “Slow Down.” “Ahh, that was so cool!” one of the dancers, Wani, says as the crew leaves BET’s studio. As everyone else celebrates, Sage walks ahead, scrolling through Twitter on his phone. He says he wishes a few things were slightly different with his performance, but overall he’s happy.

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Photograph by Aylin Zafar for BuzzFeed

In early January, Sage, IamSu, and the rest of the HBK Gang take photos for a magazine feature story in the Berkeley Hills. That evening, after the HBK guys have gone home, Sage is sitting with his younger cousin Jodie and a handful of childhood friends at a Popeyes in Berkeley, everyone giggling as Sage walks back and forth across the restaurant, filling its small space with his long-limbed dancing. He does voices: impressions of friends, a wheezy Donald Duck. Later, pausing their conversation mid-sentence without skipping a beat, they tell an older woman she’s “very pretty” as she’s leaving. She’s flattered. Sage is charismatic, charming, and sweet, without it ever feeling over-the-top or disingenuous. He’s quick to compliment people, and he looks them straight in the eyes, earnestly, while he does it.

By having his first two singles sell really well, securing a nice major-label deal, and quickly recording an album that hasn’t been shelved, Sage flouts prevailing notions about what a rapper from the Bay Area can do. The region has long operated in its own kind of bubble, at the margins of the national hip-hop conversation. In the 1990s, “when people thought of ‘West Coast music,’ they’d think of L.A.,” says Sage’s manager Stretch. The Bay has produced a handful of nationally recognized acts over time, like the imaginative linguistic stylist E-40 and pimp-rap pioneer Too Short. More recently, labels flocked to the Bay in the mid ‘00s, signing acts like The Team and The Federation, who were associated with what was locally known as the hyphy movement.

None of those acts found enduring nationwide success, but you can still regularly hear hyphy-era tracks from Keak Da Sneak and E-40 on the radio in the Bay, where classics never go out of style and local tastes still rule the airwaves. “The Bay just marches to its own drum,” IamSu tells me on the phone in March. And, if uncredited, the influence of the Bay’s minimal, slapping production can be heard in today’s prevailing West Coast sound, the simple keyboard-plink productions of L.A.’s DJ Mustard. “That hyphy movement woke L.A. up,” E-40 tells me in December. But on the national scale it was always hard to get people to care. “We just get looked over [in the Bay].”

“Bay music has a lot more funk in it,” IamSu says. “It’s a lot looser … The whole movement is more expressive.” But if mid-2000s hyphy could sometimes veer goofy in its funkiness, Sage’s music is slick. He delivers his verses in a deadpan drawl and in a soft-spoken near-whisper. “Gas Pedal” is light and fun, but not at the expense of sounding sexy.

Clyde Carson, a former member of The Team whose 2012 Bay hit “Slow Down” inspired “Gas Pedal,” says that he immediately recognized a star quality in Sage — the kind that gives him a shot to break out of the Bay’s insular community. “I’m always hearing songs that kind of emulated our sound,” Carson tells me. “But it was something ‘bout him that I was like, this kid is … [With] this kid it might not just be the ‘Gas Pedal.’” Carson says Sage has a charisma that’s hard to come by for most artists. “His personality is big. I always tell him, ‘You have to go into acting and all that shit, man.’ I’m like, ‘Don’t waste that personality. Get your ass on TV and get all the money you can get.’”

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Courtesy of Sage the Gemini / Via instagram.com

Born in Hunter’s Point, San Francisco, Sage moved with his family to Fairfield in the North Bay when he was 7. “Everybody moved out because either we would’ve been dopeheads, dead, or in jail,” Sage told radio personality Sway last fall. In the suburbs, he found outlets for his showboat personality. In middle and high school, he recorded songs on his computer with a cheap plug-in microphone, acted in school and traveling stage plays, and made comedy videos that he posted to his own YouTube channel. “I would post a funny video, then another funny video, then a song. Then a funny video, then a song,” Sage says.

In high school, Sage and his little brother mowed lawns and cleaned garages to earn money to buy recording equipment, a detail he brings up on “Put Me On,” a song from Remember Me that’s dedicated to the naysayers in his hometown:

“I’m from Fairfield and n****s still mug me the hardest / Just because I can’t help you n****s be artists? / And got the nerve to tell me, ‘Don’t forget where I started’? / I know where I started / N***a, that’s the problem / Tryna buy equipment where money was the problem / I can outsmart ‘em / Me and my brother Cadence / Both 13, tryna clean n****s’ places / Just to buy a first microphone at Gordon’s.”

Fairfield is actually pretty remote; in the northeast corner of the Bay Area, up past Vallejo, it’s far from the center of the Bay’s rap scene. Sage grew up watching young crews of Bay rappers like The Team, whose 2004 single “It’s Gettin Hot” was a regional smash, and The Pack, the Berkeley crew of skater hippies from which enigmatic rapper Lil B emerged. Tucked away in Fairfield, watching other people rap like it was a team sport, he felt isolated and alone.

“People were just rude,” Sage’s cousin Jodie, who grew up acting in school and regional plays with Sage and learning about poetry from him, tells me in Berkeley in January. “They always had nice clothes and always had cars and money. We didn’t always have all of that. [We] couldn’t fit in with everybody.”

Sage was good-looking enough to model, even appearing in underwear campaigns. (He wouldn’t reveal what brands, but when I throw out Calvin Klein and Hanes, he says I’m “not far off.”) He remembers feeling ugly, and it seems he returns to this well of teenage frustration often, to propel himself. “Girls didn’t like me in school,” he says. “I didn’t have nice clothes.”

On Remember Me’s title track, he directs a taunting refrain at anyone who teased him: “Fuck the cool crowd, bitch, I’m a nerd.” And later: “They used to treat a n***a like a stepchild / I felt like that white dude on 8 Mile.” That Sage compares himself to Eminem doesn’t come off like a throwaway joke. Like Em, he dropped out of high school to focus solely on music, and now sees rap as a means to annihilate his opponents and prove doubters wrong. It seems that Sage wants to release a successful album, at least in part, to seek validation from the popular kids who brushed past him and the girls who dismissed him.

In 2012, after “Gas Pedal” started picking up steam in the Bay Area, Sage posted a video of thanks to his supporters on his YouTube channel. Sitting in the same bedroom where he recorded many of his comedy videos, shirtless, he dispensed some advice to young people looking to try to make it in rap. “For those who know me, you know my real name is Dominic Woods. I went to Clearwood, Dover, Fairfield High, and Rodriguez. If you was there with me, you would know a lot of people wasn’t with me,” he says earnestly into the camera. “If you’re out there and you want to rap and a lot of people isn’t with you, let ‘em go. Because take it from me, I got passed up by all the girls, all the n****s laughed at me when I wanted to get a collab and stuff — but we’re not here to talk about that, it’s all positivity.”

Now many of the naysayers who ignored Sage previously have emerged from the woodwork, as often happens at the dawn of someone’s success, asking for favors. On “Put Me On” from Remember Me, Sage raps about the pressure he feels from people who feel entitled to a piece of his success: “I can’t help you if I’m tryna help myself / Get off my chest, I can’t invest with no wealth / Like I said, most of y’all wasn’t there when I started / Might’ve ‘made it’ on paper / But I’m still ‘new artist.’”

Jodie says Sage wants people to work hard for themselves, not even giving Jodie, who’s pursuing an R&B career, a free handout to jump on his songs without first working for it. “They feel a certain type of way because he’s not saying, ‘Oh, yeah, let me put you on my song and help you get up there,’” Jodie explains. “But he did that to me, and I’m his own family. Because nobody gave him what he had,” Jodie says. (Sage later tells me that he’s kicked Jodie out of his house in an effort to motivate him. “He started getting too comfortable,” he says. “Eventually he can come back, but I want him to realize he needs to work for it.”)

Sage has been working at his music for years, and he fits right into HBK’s energetic group dynamic, but he’s still the new guy, and his popularity is a recent phenomenon. “He came up so fast, it’s crazy,” IamSu tells me later. “He was going through hella shit that took me years to find out, [and he went through it] in 10 months.”

“For [Sage] to be higher up than anyone in the Bay Area in such a short amount of time so quickly, it’s just amazing,” Jodie says, while stealing a French fry from Sage at Popeyes.

“I’m not bigger than Su, though,” Sage interrupts, shaking his head. That’s debatable — Su brought together HBK Gang and has landed several songs on the radio, but, on his own, he’s never released a single as successful as “Gas Pedal.” Still Sage sees him as his idol and biggest influence, even saying later that he still gets nervous around him.

So does Sage just not want to jinx it? He shakes his head again, looking down at the table: “I’m not bigger than Su.”

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Photograph by Aylin Zafar for BuzzFeed

Both Sage and Su have set themselves up to be big because they’re producers as well as rappers, according to Stretch, who’s been deeply entrenched in the Bay rap scene for well over a decade, most notably managing the late Bay legend hyphy icon, Mac Dre, in addition to acts like Mistah F.A.B. and Kreayshawn. “Hip-hop is moved by producers, and if you don’t have an identifying producer or an identifying sound, it’s not gonna work,” he says. “The problem you had before with the Bay Area was there were no set producers. Sage is a producer. Su’s a producer. They want to have more input and they helped shape the sound that we have today. It’s coming from a different place than just rapping on someone else’s beats.”

Sage and Su’s sound cherry-picks from mob music (the throbbing, slower sound that preceded hyphy in the Bay), hyphy’s up-tempo joyousness, and jerk music, the dance-driven L.A. sound that came after hyphy. And as Clyde Carson distinguishes it, Sage and Su’s sound has all the fun of hyphy’s original iteration, but none of its ties to violence. Sage seems to live by that philosophy. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, and he semi-jokingly calls himself a “safe thug.” He frequently talks about making music that will keep kids more interested in dancing than in handling guns. He was raised in the church and around women, he says, and it shows. He doesn’t allow girls backstage and has an almost old-fashioned, courtship-centric approach to relationships. In March, he told DJ Vlad that Kaylin Garcia, a model, dancer, and former cast member of Love and Hip-Hop, was his current love interest, but in subsequent radio interviews he’s revealed that they’ve met in person only recently. He tells me that the most special someone in his life is his daughter, Lai’lah, who’s 3.

Sage is betting that his underdog story and his update on the sounds of the Bay can appeal universally. But that mission comes with its own pressure. On the “Gas Pedal” remix featuring Justin Bieber, Sage hints at the weight placed on his shoulders: “It’s going up / No explaining the escalator / I’m tryna keep this alive / the Bay’s respirator.” And though Sage says that Republic hasn’t put any pressure on how his music is supposed to sound, the major label game still has rules: “It’s numbers. At the end of the day they want hits,” IamSu says. And Sage has a unique sense of just what in the Bay sound will resonate on a larger scale, he adds. He knows hits. “The kind of artist Sage is, he’s a superstar.”

Republic’s West Coast A&R Naim McNair, who signed acts like E-40, Clyde Carson, and The Federation to major labels years ago, signed Sage last year while scouting for new talent in the Bay. He says that the new generation may be laying a more lasting foundation than the prior hyphy movement. “I think other things come and go, but the kids from the Bay have definitely built a foundation in California that will last for a long time,” he says. “And there’s a lot of unity now.”

Yet there’s a natural star quality that his previous signees may not quite have had. “We definitely see him as someone who’s gonna push the needle, at this point he can do anything he wants. If he worked at it, he could play for the 49ers.” All that confidence, McNair says, stems from the years of hard work Sage endured in the isolation of his bedroom, and even still today. “He’s probably one of the most disciplined artists I’ve ever worked with.”

For as playful as he is in person, Sage is also his own harshest critic. With Remember Me, he tries to show he’s got the skill to stay in the game for more than two hits. “I’ll actually be rapping on [the album] instead of saying ‘spoon’ and ‘fork’ and ‘red nose.’ That catchy stuff that caught people’s attention; it’s like one of those things you have to do to break the atmosphere and get out into space.” But as much as he believes in his music, he’s still nervous and hesitant to boast or declare his album a success. He’s hesitant to make any assumptions about how his album will be received — or how he even feels about all of it — before there is a way to quantify its success. “I’ll see how the turnout is and then go from there.”

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Photograph by Macey Foronda for BuzzFeed

It’s Tuesday, March 25, the day of Remember Me’s release, and Sage is hanging out in the BuzzFeed’s New York headquarters — geeking out over seeing Law & Order star Christopher Meloni (who’s dropped by the office for an interview) and joking around with the life-size cutouts of celebrities around the office. He’s tired, though. It’s been a long day of promotional appearances and interviews and there’s more to go — a cycle that even seasoned veterans can struggle through, but is a true test for those new to the big-time. “It’s whatever,” he says. “I’ll be happy when I hit number one or I’m winning awards.” For Sage, there needs to be a clear metric to define just what that success looks like — haters can hate, but numbers can’t lie, and he made this album for the critics back home.

After taping a performance for David Letterman with IamSu, Sage zonks out in his hotel room. The last thing he wants to do is go out to a club, but there’s an album release party at trendy Meatpacking District spot 1 Oak that was arranged and put on his schedule. He’s performing two songs and there’s no way out of it.

1 Oak is bustling with groups of drunk out-of-towners, 19-year-old-looking city kids celebrating birthdays, and fashion models clad in skintight dresses and heels. A quick survey of the room reveals that no one is really there for the release party, nor do they know who Sage the Gemini is (at least not by name — they seem to recognize his songs later in the night). Robin Thicke bounds into the club with some young twentysomethings to join one of the groups near the small DJ stage. Sage shows up to the club around 1:50 a.m. with HBK rapper Kool John, their friend Rex, and Stretch. Kool John’s immediately having a good time, enjoying the drinks and orienting himself in the space, checking out a girl on top of a couch dancing against a wall. The crowd is getting down to a mix of twerk-friendly West Coast hyphy and ratchet songs, and the DJ takes the mic to announce that “Sage the Gemini is IN the buildiiiing!”

Sage, however, is sitting slouched over in the corner, his hoodie pulled over his head, absorbed in his phone. He hasn’t gotten much sleep in the past few days and he’s exhausted, and isn’t interested in talking to anyone. The juxtaposition between the debauchery and fun being had by Robin Thicke and whoever was willing to pay hundreds of dollars for a bottle of vodka and the lone Sage, whom the party was in honor of, is a little puzzling to watch.

Most 21-year-old rappers on the day of their debut would be reveling in all of this — if not the excess, then the spotlight. Sage stands behind the DJ booth on a small stage before he’s about to perform, observing the frenzy in front of him. He’s staring into space, cool and unaffected, and delivers his two hit songs with pitch-perfect tone and agility.

At the end of the set, Robin Thicke grabs a mic and starts chanting Sage’s name to the raucous crowd. Sage bursts into a huge smile, looking bewildered as he pulls out his phone to take a video of one of pop’s biggest stars not only acknowledging him, but giving him props. It’s one of those surreal moments that happen at the beginning of an artist’s career. Sage may not care about the perks and glamour, but he sure as hell cares about who’s paying attention.

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Photograph by Aylin Zafar for BuzzFeed

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/azafar/sage-the-gemini-bay-area-interview

#bay area #hip hop #iamsu

[apsbicepstraining]

Parties Are Doing It At Your Gym: 6 Personal Trainer Secrets

It’s been months since you signed up for that gym membership, and hitherto here “you think youre”, staring at a screen instead of working out. Maybe you’re doing the right choice. Sure, sitting on your ass will almost certainly kill you sooner, but at least you’ll be saved the ache, lies, and body fluids you know a gym excursion will be generated. And at the least you won’t have to look at the smiling appearance of a personal manager like Ryan George, who wants to tell you that …

6

There’s Plenty Of Sex At The Gym

stokpic/ Pixabay

I’m proud of the number of buyers I’ve bedded … because that figure is zero. I did a dwelling period formerly with the status of women who indicated activity in the nude( I admonished her not to — the pinching alone !). I had a male buyer invite me to a threesome with his wife( again, I said no; that is not what we mean by a “partner membership” ). At a hotel gym, I worked with a purchaser who wanted me to rub his glutes and asked if I’d ever been with a husband( I told him that I wasn’t training at as massage ).

Body-n-Care/ Pixabay “No, I’m not trained in groin massages either.”

Less ethical coaches take advantage, though. There was one I worked with who went after every attractive woman that came in. One era, a girl came storming onto the fitness floor and requested every staff member where he was, but he was nowhere find work. A few minutes later, there was a raucous agitation: The girl didn’t know about the trainer’s reputation and found out that he had been hooking up with someone else. The gym pointed up canceling both women’s bodies for contending. They prevented the coach, though, as he had among the best sales amounts at the gym.

One high-end gym that I was working at is seeking to incentivize us to stay on-site all day by building a “sleeping” room for the personal teaches, ended with bunk beds. Yes, some genius thought it was a smart thought for groupings of predominantly young, attractive, and single trainers to have their own bedroom in the gym, and much to everyone’s startle and feeling, the chamber became a love-den. I did try the chamber out for its intended objectives on one occasion, only to have my siestum ended by two tutors running one another out. Eventually, we lost access to the chamber because the housekeeping staff rejects to clean it.

kadmy/ iStock “Seriously, how difficult is it to make the condoms IN the trash barrel? ”

One tip: Never go barefoot in a steam bath. At the place I work now, the steam bath is pretty regularly stained with semen. It’s most likely research results of jacking off pre-workout, which presumably drops your blood pressure and loosen you. Hey, they say you have to erased exclusively your sweat down after you’re finished.

5

A Personal Trainer’s Looks Matter Way More Than Their Suitabilities

Satyrenko/ iStock

Like most of the service industry, gyms hire with an eye toward beautiful. As a manager told me, I have to be what the customer wants me to be. To female tutors, he mentioned, “If it’s a guy, you have to give him a really tough exercising. When he’s finished, take him to the rub counter. Rub his legs, extend him out, and when you are doing the hamstring extend, lean over, expose a bit of cleavage and announce, ‘I’d like you to be my purchaser. What kind of pack can I put you down for? ‘”

g-stockstudio/ iStock “I’m very committed to your hap-penis.”

It’s pretty clear what kind of business he thought he was passing, and it didn’t involve a lot of careful vetting of qualifications. As a upshot, many of us didn’t have any. I get licensed through the NASM, but plenty of managers I work with haven’t. Some take multiple-choice online tests and use that, plus their visible muscles, to get hired. Don’t assume your coach is some former athlete or even passionate about fitness — numerous join up merely because they think it’ll be an easy-going job.

But all that isn’t necessarily the occasion. When I first met one high-end gym, one of my fellow newbies was a stunning fitness modeling. She aimed up going lots of scrutiny from the male clientele but couldn’t move that into paying clients and retire the field wholly. Meanwhile Adrian — a middle-aged, slightly overweight female tutor with a dense Colombian accent — sketched $250 k a year. She was at the top of her environment because she knew her shit, plain and simple.

Alex_Koch/ Pixabay “The quicker you touch your fitness aims, the quicker I thump my financial ones. So pick that up. Now”

4

The Gym’s Business Model Is Completely Dependent On Your Lack Of Motivation

tpsdave/ Pixabay

I can confirm some of the stuff Cracked joked about in this video: We genuinely do count on a certain percentage of members signing up but not expending the facility. If most gyms were used by anything close to the full listing of members, they’d be space beyond capability. One time, a major blizzard back in the early 2000 s basically shut down the city, but we stayed open. Tallies of lapsed members, with nothing else to do and against all anticipations, represented their practice through our entrances. It was the busiest period that gym ever had, there wasn’t nearly enough material for everyone, and it was a goddamn madhouse. Luckily, it’s fairly difficult to get trampled in a treadmill stampede.

Capitol Records Treadmill-related injuries have descent drastically ever since OK Go canceled their membership .

Beyond tricking the masses into memberships they’ll never exploit, we’re supposed to sign buyers up for personal conferences because that’s where the real money is. An hour of personal course might expenditure upward of $100, more than a whole month of gym membership. So once we’ve got parties in the fitness chamber, we tell them the gym itself will do nothing for them, and they need one-on-one time if they want to improve. Not because of our lore, necessarily: The genuine selling place of a personal manager is having to look mortal in the appearance and predict you’ll come to the gym at a specific time and appointment. It’s harder to stay on the sofa when you’ve became that personal and financial commitment.

mastermilmar/ iStock “You just knowing that, only give me your pocketbook. You need to earn it back.”

Sometimes they do fight dirty with your firmnes, though. Right after 9/11, the fitness administrator gave us this long-winded discussion and included a line he wanted us to tell potential patrons: The rationale so many beings died during 9/11 was that they were not fit enough to flee the buildings. It’s a awful statement, from what I heard. I never got around to applying it, because inferno is mostly one big-hearted steam room — can you thoughts how much semen is on the flooring? No thanks.

3

Personal Trainers’ Advice Can Harm You

Highwaystarz-Photography/ iStock

Here are the subjects a qualified manager can speak on, ideally with a shooting dance beat backing them up: posture and push, muscular persuasivenes and tenacity, sporting concert, cardiovascular conditioning, and flexible. That’s the ideal register, recollect — we may not know anything about any of that trash. We may exactly search rockin’ in spandex. Whatever the speciman, we are most certainly not powers on nutrition, reclamation, or anything medical. Yet in every gym you’ll find teaches happy to advise you on all of those circumstances no matter how disastrous the consequences.

gpointstudio/ iStock “No , no , not the muscles, that’s a common story. You have to eat another man’s nature to gain his strength.”

I know one teach whose patron was contending( due to coach incapacity, primarily ), so he answered, “Tell your doctor you have asthma and have them give you a prescription for Advair. That will help you with your cardio.” There was another who thought they were qualified to give diet admonition to a diabetic. One buyer is intended to get in shape for her August wedding, so her trainer introduced her in a sauna suit to run on the treadmill the morning of the wed to fit into her dress. And then there was the tutor who decided to fix a client’s back pain using “core exercises” that patently just made the agony worse. We scarcely evaded a lawsuit on that one.

Even I’m not immune to the occasional climb up my own ass. I used to tell patrons doing bench presses to touch the barbell to their chests. Then I learned this was shredding up their shoulder joints, so I stopped, but others still insist on it. Leg expansions are what everyone uses to build their quadruplets, but I tell people not to because they’re ruining their knees in the process — you’ll still realize a shiny leg extension machine in every gym. One trainer will tell you the lat drag got to go behind the cervix, and I’ve is evident that do terrible things to people’s shoulders long-term, but I’ve sounded other trainers insist that doing it in front of chest, like I say to, is also bad.

Gennadiy Kravchenko/ iStock It’s only a matter of season before it gets is the responsibility of autism and grease-gun violence .

You’ll never know who’s right until you bolt yourself up doing it wrong.

2

Gym Employees Might Slip You Steroids

Dario Lo Presti/ iStock

At one gym I worked at, the first Monday of every month, a person in a dres would show up, change into workout gear, and take a pitch-black backpack into the gym with him. The human, who we dubbed “the doctor, ” would do a 30 -minute session. At some quality, he would casually residence the knapsack somewhere behind the pull-up depot, and the fitness director would later take it with him into the role. For the coming week, all the Terminator-looking guys strolled in to the fitness manager’s office when the sales director wasn’t around. I got the find they weren’t considering that quarter’s revenue.

Ozimician/ iStock “Oh my divinity, I finally pictured Hamilton , and telling you, absolutely worth the wait ! ”

One trainer I know mails his clients to a medical doctor at an anti-aging clinic, admonishing them to claim that they’re suffered by low-pitched testosterone. The doctor then leads a series of tests which magically confirm this, and the customer, whose simply real evidence is a lack of swoleness, skips away with a law prescription for testosterone. You can even get your insurance to pay for diminishing your testicles.

1

In The Result, The Gym Is Selling An Impossible Fantasy

Milan Stojanovic/ iStock

Cracked has told you over and over that the number of people who lose a large amount of weight and keep it off is statistically zero. Now, I have worked with people who’ve transformed their bodies in prodigious behaviors, so I’m not going to say it’s impossible to lose weight, but it is much harder than most people guess. A huge part of that is because the fitness routines we prescribe you are unsustainable, and we know this. Most people will get through the first few days of a educate routine just fine, and we’ll tell them it will get easier, but in reality, it gets harder . If it starts to get easier, you’ll stop witnes outcomes. And anytime you take on a new project, whether it’s starting a fitness routine or a habit dildo business, it steals from something else in your life.

Eva K ./ Wiki Commons “In the end, it was my free time with my boys that I was certainly leaving the shaft to.”

I try not to given impractical possibilities: During my first had met with a patron, I extract as much info as possible on the person’s life-style, mindset, objectives, and exercising biography, then try drafting a intention they can actually follow. But if gyms everywhere told buyers the truth — that there is no finish line; you are able to never reply, “OK , now I have a six-pack, so I’m finished with my person and now I can focus all of my time on video games”; that maintaining that six-pack is now your part-time activity for the rest of their own lives; and the older you get, the more working here will take — a billion-dollar manufacture would disappear overnight. Forget rising health-insurance premiums — that’s how paunch would maim the economy.

Ryan George hosts The GymWits podcast and has a new notebook out , Freeweight Training Anatomy . Follow Ryan Menezes on Twitter for trash slashed from this section and interesting thing no one should ensure . Have a tale to share with Cracked? Email us here . For more insider attitudes, check out 5 Insane Realities Behind The Scenes Of A Weight Loss Ad and I AM Compensating For Something: A Bodybuilder Speaks Out . Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out If Gyms Were Honest, and other videos you won’t meet on the site !

Also, follow us on Facebook, and let’s get a speedy spout sesh in, bro .

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[nofomoartworld]

Art F City: Highlights, and a Sad Observation, From MICA’s Commencement Exhibition

Ceramics by Keli Beth Smith.

As a rule, we don’t generally discuss student work on the blog. There are plenty of reasons for this, but for me, one is simple: I am forever grateful no one from the art press ever saw the terrible work I was struggling through in art school.

Yet nearly every Spring, I am impressed by commencement exhibitions—how is it possible that so many college seniors have their shit together more than so many grown-ass artists? Thesis shows at Maryland Institute College of Art (MICA), my old alma mater, tend to be particularly polished and worthwhile.

This year, though, has been a rough one for students nationally. I can’t imagine dealing with Trump’s election in the Fall and inauguration at the start of the Spring semester, all while trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing with your last year of art school. So much work looks like students just gave up hope halfway through a concept—as if a collective trauma had left everyone dispirited and unable to focus. We at AFC can certainly sympathize. The situation is fucking unfair.

That’s why this year we’re covering the MICA commencement show, which closes today (go see it if you’re in Baltimore!). Although it’s overall less enthusiastic and high-caliber than years past, those who persevered through the crisis and turned it out deserve recognition. It’s worth noting that the sprawling show could, in general, benefit from some outside curatorial advice. 

Below, the stand-out highlights from the class of 2017. If they can survive pulling-off thesis projects this good in spite of (and often in reference to) the apocalypse, the art world will be a cakewalk:

Chas Druin

Chas Druin’s work in the Gateway Building stands out for several reasons. It’s one of the best strategies for displaying garments I’ve seen employed here—they take on an eerie, vaguely sinister presence that complements the work’s dystopic vibe. The individual pieces recall military or ritualistic uniforms that have been deconstructed and reconstructed into odd forms that would fit awkwardly on typical bodies. One form, which might be a peacoat re-tooled into some sort of protective suit for radiation, looms menacingly over a more feminine (but still gender ambiguous) ensemble. This collection is what Comme des Garçons costumes for The Handmaid’s Tale would look like, one of many reasons it feels timely.

“Family Portrait” installation view, featuring A.F. Oehmke and Emily Walla.

Tucked away in an upper studio of the Fox Building, A.F. Oehmke and Emily Walla’s collaborative installation makes the overhung gauntlet in the rest of the building worth it. Walla’s sculptures reference impractical midcentury modern furniture. They’re flawlessly crafted, but suggest fragility and an uncomfortable domestic sphere—this is a precarious home where inhabitants and visitors must walk on eggshells. The only splashes of color are a few sparse houseplants and tabloids (“Our Catastrophe”) from A.F. Oehmke scattered on several of Walla’s pieces. “Our Catastrophe” has headlines such as “SHIT’S FUCKED UP!” and “ARE WE ALL BECOMING KIM?!?!?!?!?!?! JERRY SALTZ WEIGHS IN!” The decline of Western Civilization, indeed.

Trevor Blauth, “Epitaph,” installation view.

Trevor Blauth’s Epitaph was one of the first rooms I encountered in the Station Building, and perhaps became the high standard by which I considered all subsequent shows. The installation has an immersive quality that speaks to the remarkably high production value. And like most of this year’s highlights, it’s fraught with anxiety. The gallery is full of sod, with industrial-looking wishing wells (one of which holds a Fiji water bottle floating in dirty water) and a full-scale greenhouse. In the greenhouse, an old TV displays a video game avatar waiting endlessly on a futuristic subway platform. There’s no controller, so the viewer just watches the back of the protagonist as background characters pass him by. Scattered around the gallery, burnt pieces of paper display tiny text, such as “I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness.” It’s not mentioned in the text, but it’s a quote from Drew Barrymore, the artist whispered to me.

Reece Cox, “Acids in the Style of Phineas Gauge”

Down the hall, Reece Cox’s “Acids in the Style of Phineas Gauge” would be easy to miss if it weren’t for its rumbling soundtrack. Thankfully, it drew me in. It’s one of the most understated but oddly rewarding installations. The artist has replaced all the fluorescent bulbs in a grim conference room with lime green lights. They match the color of sunlight trickling through the tree canopy of the overgrown train tracks outside perfectly—extending the surreal quasi-urban/quasi-wild outdoors into the institutional space. As if to remind the viewer of the room’s usual lighting, a haphazard strand of LEDs flashes occasionally in synch with Cox’s droning music. It’s strangely elegant in its simplicity and honesty (the four speakers are visible, no effort is made to clean up the cords, and the whiteness of the simple light tube references the artifice of the intervention).

Alison Baskerville. “Turf War”.

Of all the vaguely post-apocalyptic work in this year’s commencement show, Alison Baskerville’s Turf War feels the most fun. Her space is littered with technicolor garments that include Balaclavas with slogans such as “HOLLYWASTE” and “CHESTCOAST”. A monitor displays a strange, ritualistic fight club that’s somewhere between lucha libre, a fashion show, and worldstarhiphop.com brawls.

This is the suburban nightmare of the not-so-distant future—if Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome predicted leather would outlast civil society, Baskerville seems to argue it would be synthetic weave, faux-fur, plastic sequins, and all the dayglo vinyl and polyester fabrics that go on sale after Halloween.

Keli Beth Smith, “Slam Pig”.

In the adjoining gallery, Keli Beth Smith’s ceramic pieces get a nod for their versatility and demonstration of mastery over the craft. These include her fetish formal china (top of the page) and figurative sculptures such as “Slam Pig,” in which two golden figures lay on an animal hide masturbating facing away from each other. I should mention that masturbation is a recurring motif across every discipline this year. I suppose that’s one tried-and-true strategy for stress management? At any rate, these ceramic figures are a little unsettling due to their size—they’re proportioned like adults, but scaled to be the height of children. These wouldn’t look out of place in a blue-chip gallery.

Will Staub

I have a soft spot for Will Staub’s takeover of the Gateway Building’s cafe, largely because I once worked for the school’s food services company, and he certainly interrupts the monotony of that post. Staub repackaged the instant food items for sale, so that Goya blackbeans now come in a breakfast-cereal-proportioned box or Chicken of the Sea tuna can come in a potato chip bag (gross). All of the labels have a strange warped quality, as if they had been scanned from their original packages and then reformatted to other shapes regardless of their dimensions. When we visited, the cafe was closed, but an instruction sheet provided for employees filled us in. Everything is for sale, including regular menu items which would be covered with a red dot once ordered. His items, however, can presumably be restocked. Bagged goods cost $10 and boxes $20. That’s a little steep for campus food options (just slightly, sadly), but a damned bargain for an art object (consider Gabriel Orozco’s collection of $30,000 convenience store products, rigged to depreciate with an economy of scale). This feels like a sounder investment.

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