#ventingintrauma

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

Having daily panic attacks at 2 in the morning check. If anyone else does this let me know because I feel so alone :(

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #eating disoder thoughts #actuallytraumatized #vent art #tw ed stuff #ventcore #panic attack #anxienty #panic anxiety #idk man #i’m tired of being tired #i’m tired of being sad

[lucky-fish]

*listens to music from middle school*

Brain : “Hey hey”

Me : “Please”

Brain : “Do you want”

Me : “No”

Brain : “A vague memory that feels like a concept and a made up story that you’re making up for attention even though you can’t talk to anyone because you’re so scared of it being a truth and having to face the fates trauma of it?”

Me : “....Pl e a se”

Brain: “Haha...here you go. And with that, get triggered by a fuckin curtain”

Me : “...Wh y”

#actuallymentallyill #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized

[thugbbyk]

I AM SOOOO SICK OF GETTING TREATED LIKE SHIT WHILE LOVING SO DEEPLY AND WITH INTENTIONS OF PURE ABUNDANCE AND AFFECTION.

I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO HEAL OTHERS WHILE HEALING MYSELF BECAUSE I AM STRONG ENOUGH BUT THE PAIN DOESNT LEAVE WHEN I AM DISRESPECTED.

I AM SO GODLY AND I REFLECT ON MYSELF FOR SELF IMPROVEMENT IN EVERY ASPECT. I AM BEING USED AND ABUSED BUT I AM STILL OPEN TO A PURE LOVE FROM THE UNIVERSE.

I AM FILLED WITH GRATITUDE TO BREATHE AND FEEL THIS EXTRAORDINARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE THROUGH ALL PAIN AND JOY. THANK YOU GOD FOR KEEPING ME NO MATTER THE EMOTION ROLLER COASTER I AM RIDING.

#love #abuncance #spiritualjourney #spiritual development #spiritualawakening #gratitude #healing #emotion #ventingintrauma #reflection #appreciation

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

Also why the hell is there an “ed aesthetic” tag?

You’re telling me that:

Fainting (dehydration, malnutrition, and low blood pressure)

Having panic attacks because of how your body looks

Having panic attacks about numbers (cals and lbs/kg)

Sh your body

Loss in hair

Growing hair excessively on your arms

Weak nails

Decaying teeth

Lying all the time

Being huddled over or on the toilet 65% of the day

Being insecure ALL THE TIME

Never being able to eat normally

Being so upset after binges that you start to have SI

And many many more…

You think that’s pretty?! You think that’s aesthetically pleasing?! Please stop before it gets serious. This isn’t some big joke, it’s an illness.

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized #eating disoder thoughts #trans ed #tw ed stuff #vent art #ed exercise #ed tingz #ed talk #ed aesthetic #tw ed content

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

I drew this last night. I’ve been struggling and have been having a lot of negative thoughts. But I just want to remind you all: you’re not making this up. Your struggles are valid. And are strong, even though you shouldn’t need to be.

I see you, and I see your pain.

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #eating disoder thoughts #actuallytraumatized #vent art #tw ed stuff #ventcore #ed art #artwork #art #project semicolon #tw suicice #sh #sh art

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

Telling a 16 year old that’s recovered from several EDs to go back onto weight loss products. Lol

Here we go again...

#im mad at myself #model thin #ventingintrauma #actuallymentallyill #traumacore #vent #ed aesthetic #ed art #rant #tw ed content #ed trigger #edtumblr #ed tingz #ed talk

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

⚠️TW⚠️

Why the fuck do I blame being sick on me binging last week?????

I fucking hate this shit.

#anatips #model thin #im mad at myself #ventingintrauma #actuallymentallyill #traumacore #vent #anareksya #ed aesthetic #ed art

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

You can’t tell me you have an hourglass figure. Unless you look like this:

Y’all have been lying to me about this shit, man I swear.

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized #eating disoder thoughts #tw ed stuff #ed talk #trans ed #vent art #vent

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

Fainted at the gym, so I decided to take some time to relax… (I trying to wait the dizzy out b/c I biked to the gym)

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized #eating disoder thoughts #trans ed #tw ed stuff #ed tingz #ed talk #tw ed content #tw ed mention #ed exercise #fainting #vent tw

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

*This my artwork*

Idk what tf it’s about but I was really stressed and dysphoric today so I drew it :/

Is what it is ig.

I was really just thinking about how I’ll never be skinny enough, or masculine enough while drawing it. I was born in the wrong body, and I was given the wrong mind, hence the name.

So, that set a pretty harsh tone to the day. But my birthdays are always like that :(

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #eating disoder thoughts #actuallytraumatized #vent art #tw ed stuff #ventcore #trans ed #trans #transmasc #trans vent #trans mia #trans ana #transgender #genderqueer

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

Here’s just a post of me admitting a few things:

I’m a compulsive liar

I’m a thief

I s€lf h^rm

I am not okay

I want to scream all the time

I’m numb

My moms boyfriend mutilated me

I have no actual connection with anyone

I need a therapist

I’m not as strong as people believe

I’m not the activist I claim to be

I’m terrified

I hate myself

I’m a fuck up

I will never be able to compare to my brother

My parents would hate the person I am

I am always masking

I want to k!// m4self

I don’t have any form of self expression

I’m uncomfortable all the time

I have depression (diagnosed)

I have anxiety (diagnosed)

I think I have clinical depression

I think I have an identity disorder

I am failing school

I will never be the person I want to be

I have no ability of confrontation

I blame myself for everything

I’m so fucking weak

I invalidate my own trauma

I think I fake this stuff even though I don’t

I haven’t felt anything in 5 years

Everyone thinks I’m better

I don’t have interest in anything

I have anorexia with bulimic tendencies

I overthink everything

I’m hopeless

I have no motivation

I have intrusive thoughts too often

I’m terrified of what people think of me

I’m a sophomore

I’m stupid

I’m ugly

I’m fat

I’m 15

I want to be someone else

I can’t handle this anymore

I’m fucking tired

I cry myself to sleep too often

I want to care about people but can’t

I ruin everything

I. Am. A. Fuck. Up.

#im mad at myself #i hate it here #i hate me too #i hate my body #i hate this #i hate everything #i hate my brain #i hate my parents #i hate my feelings #i hate my mind #i hate my liiiiife #rant #rants n rambles #my rants #rant post #ventingintrauma #actuallymentallyill #vent #traumacore #vent tw #personal vent #I hate myself #i wanna kms #i wanna cry #I wanna hurt myself #i’m not okay #im so tired #im sorry #i’m numb

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

Sometimes I want to scream, but have to:

Instead

(With headphones on)

#how do I not get a headache #actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized #vent art

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

I’m just a stepping stone- the laughing stock of the family. I just want it to stop.

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized #trans vent #trans rant #rants n rambles #my rants #my step sibling is outing me #outting #being outed #outed #I was outed #outed faggot

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

The most glorious and karma inducing thing in the world:

When someone says something about someone you don’t like that confirms trauma they caused you- but you had initially blocked from your memory.

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized #eating disoder thoughts #tw ed stuff #ed talk #trans ed #tw ed content #my rants #vent tw #tw sh mention

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

VENT POST—BLOCK DONT REPORT

Just found out my brother is transphobic and most of my online friends (Instagram group) are racist. That makes it 1 friend in person, that I’m not attached to, I just don’t want to hurt them. And the friends on here.

I feel like everyone is against me. I’m an obese trans person with an ED, and MDD, and anxiety. And I have to deal with an entirely conservative family, that only makes me feel worse about myself.

I’m so fucking tired. I have relapsed on every single one of my bad habits, and I’ve managed to mess up every single in-person relationship I have.

Why am I like this? Why couldn’t I just be a girl? Why couldn’t I have fit in? Why do I have to deal with this shit? Why me? Why? Why? Why?

I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me it’s all going to be okay.

Because i’m starting to relapse on my SI (sewerslidal idealation) and I don’t think I’m going to make it through this again if it gets much worse.

#actuallymentallyill #vent #im mad at myself #ventingintrauma #actuallytraumatized

[bl0ck-d0nt-rep0rt]

The last one got deleted :/ sorry

#actuallymentallyill #im mad at myself #vent #ventingintrauma #eating disoder thoughts #actuallytraumatized #vent art #tw ed stuff #ventcore #trans ed #ed tingz #ed talk #tw ed content #transmasc #transfeminine #trans #trans ana #trans mia